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heresthestorymorningglory · 4 months ago

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Die Hard

Summary: It’s not over

A/N: Happy Summer my loves!.....so remember when I said the final part was the final part?.....well....I may have lied a smidge....Six is back.

As always, this NSFW 18+ should be par for the course at this point. So like….?

My beautiful partner in crime, my enabler, my soul sister @ken-dom without whom this continuation would not have happened....I thank you for your continued support and love and will forever relish in the fact that I've dragged you over to the Six side ;)

This is indeed a continuation of what I’ve affectionately titled the Nurse Series, read previous parts here.

This was meant to be a TWO part series and Six just refuses to rest so here we are.

Enjoy my loves! <3 And yes, the title is inspired by my other non-shoe wearing love, it seems I have a type...

You pressed the heels of your hands into your eyes with a heavy sigh before dropping your hands back to your keyboard. Somebody pushed another stack of clipboards across your desk. You shook your head as the phone on your desk rang again.

“No” you shook your head picking up the receiver and your coworker gave you a sympathetic shrug. “Fifth floor nurse’s sta-”

“Yeah, yeah I know the drill”

You laughed lightly “This isn’t a secure line”

“You really should fix that” he quipped

“Where are you?” you asked, typing on the computer, cradling the receiver against your chin. “Somewhere tropical?”

“That’s classified”

You scoffed rolling your eyes “Why do you even bother calling me then?”

“Checking in”

You hummed “Checking in or checking up?”

“Does it matter?”

You smiled to yourself, taking a note from one of the nurses and handing one back.

“No” you muttered “But I miss you; will you be home soon?”

“I don’t know”

You sighed again “Don’t know or can’t say?”

“Can’t say” he confirmed your suspicions.

“Gary will be waiting” you muttered

“Just Gary?” he asked

You looked up as a shadow fell across your desk and your heart stopped, your voice dying in the back of your throat.

Your heart slammed in your chest as you took short shallow breaths. You could hear Six talking on the other end, but couldn’t make the words come out.

“Babe?” Six spoke again

You were finally able to choke out a whimper. Your eyes never leave the pair locked on yours.

“What is it?” Six spoke again “Talk to me”

As if to answer the question he couldn’t hear the man standing on the other side of your desk seemingly answered for you.

“Hiya Sunshine” he grinned, his smirk making your skin crawl “Did ya miss me?”

“Leave,” Six immediately responded in your ear “Now. I’m on my way”

You swallowed the lump in your throat; the crowded hospital was suddenly feeling very empty.

“No,” you whispered “Don’t…” the receiver shook in your hand “Don’t leave me…”

Lloyd motioned for the receiver and when you didn’t immediately move to hand it over he reached across the desk and took it from you.

“Hi Six” he sneered as a coworker made her way around the desk taking a patient chart before she disappeared again, giving you nothing more than a sidelong glance.

“If you so much as breathe in her direction Lloyd, I’ll kill you” you heard his muffled reply

Lloyd hummed slightly amused “Your girl tried that, maybe you’ll have better luck”

You could only imagine what you looked like sitting across from him, protected by nothing more than the desk between you.

“You can try,” Lloyd narrowed his eyes as he leaned across the desk, making you lean back in your chair instinctively “But between you and me, Six, I don’t think you’ll make it this time” he whispered, his eyes fixed on yours. “Better hurry”

He held the phone out to you and you took it with a shaky hand; bringing it back to your ear. You couldn’t help your shaky breath.

“You remember?” Six asked and you could tell he was moving, walking or running somewhere to get to you as fast as he could.

“It’s been months” you whispered “I…”

“You remember” he said more firmly “I’ll be there as soon as I can”

“Please hurry” you whispered echoing Lloyd’s words before the line clicked dead in your ear.

You hung the phone up in the cradle and Lloyd hadn’t moved.

“You need to leave” you said as firmly as you could manage

“Do I princess?” he sneered “Seems like you can’t go much of anywhere right now, can you?”

“Leave Lloyd” you snapped “Or I’ll call security”

That made him laugh out loud; the sickening laugh that still haunted your nightmares even months later…almost a year.

“Will you?” he smirked “Go ahead, see what happens”

You blinked at his bluntness and you could tell he knew immediately that he’d caught you off guard.

You picked up the receiver and reached to dial security; as soon as you had Lloyd pulled out a gun no bigger than his hand and you jumped when the loud pop rang through the lobby.

Your jaw dropped open watching one of the doctors walking by drop to the tiled floor. You gasped looking back at Lloyd who pursed his lips with a shrug

“Wanna try again?” he raised an eyebrow

You watched horrified as your colleagues helped the doctor who had been shot and others tried to keep everyone in the room calm.

You fought to keep your breathing even as you got to your feet. “You're supposed to be dead”

Again, Lloyd leaned over the desk but you fought to keep from moving backwards, standing your ground. Court's words echoing in your mind

“He’s going to get in your head”

“Tell you you’re weak, and small…a woman” his voice continued “He’s bigger than you”

“Stronger than you”

“Next time, check” he whispered with a wink and patted your cheek.

You shrugged away from his touch “Get out”

He turned, still leaning on the desk and fired off another shot, this time hitting a nurse.

“Stop” you whispered “Please”

He scoffed and fired off another shot hitting a second nurse.

“No”

“What do you want?” You asked quietly

Lloyd smirked, his eyes fixed on yours “You. Bloody. Dead.”

It was your turn to scoff “You tried that, remember?” You mocked “Maybe you should have tried harder”

He cocked his head, slightly taken aback by your brazenness.

“You won't kill me,” you narrowed your eyes “Not here”

He cocked an eyebrow”You seem pretty certain”

“I am” you snapped

Lloyd's eyes dropped to the gun in his hand and then looked back at you.

“You're a coward”

No sooner than the words left your lips did you feel an all too familiar sharp pain in your side.

You collapsed against the desk gasping in pain, looking down to see a deep dark red patch stain your scrub top.

You groaned quietly, taking sharp breaths through your nose.

You swallowed hard, straightening up as best as you could.

Lloyd met you with his sickly smirk “You were saying?”

“Six is going to rip you limb from limb” you winced, pushing your fingers into your side trying to slow the bleeding.

Another taunting laugh “If he makes it; personally I'm hoping you bleed out and I get to tell him I win”

The hospital was in chaos, but to your ears everything was muted. Everything except Lloyd's voice, it cut through everything like a knife.

“Next time I won't miss”

You slumped back in your chair, not able to hold yourself up anymore.

You felt lightheaded and the excruciating pain in your side was one you wished you never felt again.

You ran your tongue between your lips and your eyes slipped closed briefly before you opened them again, watching everyone run around the hospital as you watched Lloyd come around the nurses desk and stood in front of you.

Your heart slammed in your chest, but you couldn't will yourself to move.

More hard, short, shallow breaths as Lloyd stood in front of you, his hand extended, gun poised, aimed at you..

“I could shoot you dead, right here and no one would be the wiser” his smugness evident. “No one would even notice”

Lloyd dropped the gun and you internally breathed a sigh of relief

You winced as you struggled to take in another breath looking up at him “So why don’t you, instead of just talking about it?”

You knew why, you had been here before; Lloyd was grandstanding. He had you backed into a corner and you both knew it, Six wasn’t here, everyone else was preoccupied with the madness around you, Lloyd had won, and he was going to take every opportunity to make sure you knew that.

Suddenly Lloyd yanked you to your feet, his grip tight on your elbow as you tripped over your own feet. “What are you going to do Lloyd, throw me off the helipad?”

He snorted with a laugh “As much as I’d love to see you take a swan dive; no, you and I are going to get reacquainted”

“Nurse Gentry?” you turned hearing your name in the chaos; one of the summer interns looked at you absolutely horrified having seen the gun in Lloyd’s hand “You’re hurt”

“I’m fine,” you lied, knowing you had to get her out of Lloyd’s line of fire “Help doctor Wilcox”

“But…” she stammered and she was looking at Lloyd

“Boring” Lloyd rolled his eyes and fired another shot, the bullet embedding itself into the intern’s thigh.

You gasped as she winced in pain, but Lloyd didn’t give you a chance to do much else.

Five

He had one left.

Lloyd dragged you toward the nearest bank of elevators, the panic he had created fading away as he punched the button and the doors slid closed. He finally let you go and you collapsed against the wall before finding your balance.

“You and your boyfriend have been nothing but a pain in my ass” he muttered “I should just shoot you, right here and be done with it”

“Then grow a pair and do it” you breathed

He shook his head as the elevator door pinged open; his foot connecting squarely with your kneecap with a sickening crunch, dropping you to your knees. You gasped in pain, fighting back the sobs you knew he was trying to force out of you.

“Where’s the fun in that?” he asked, looming over you as you struggled to try to get to your feet.

Before you could manage, Lloyd grabbed a fistful of your hair and dragged you from the elevator before dropping you roughly to the concrete.

You pushed yourself up from the floor and glared at him, only to have him land a swift kick to your ribcage. Thankfully, he was too stupid to kick you where it mattered and cause you to bleed more than you already were.

You rolled to lay on your back, catching your breath as much as you were able. This part of the hospital was under construction, no one else would be up here; you wondered how likely it would be that you could cheat death…again.

“Get up” Lloyd kicked your foot, standing over you

“I wouldn’t stand there if I was you” you glared “You leave some very sensitive parts exposed”

He sidestepped as you got to your feet the dark red stain on your top steadily growing bigger. Your other side throbbing where Lloyd’s boot had made contact with your ribs…you didn’t think they were broken, but fuck that man knew how to land a blow.

“You wanna dance again Lloyd?” You breathed “Even shot I can kick your ass into next week”

“I’d like to test that theory” Lloyd sneered

Before you could form your next thought, you squeezed your hand into a fist and swung for Lloyd’s nose. He caught your wrist, your fist in mid air, inches from his face and he cocked his head with a smirk.

“We’ve been here before” he smirked, his eyes fell on your finger and he hummed “Didn’t take you for a tattoo kinda girl”

You yanked your wrist from his grip with a scoff “Don’t take me for anything”

“That’s on a pretty important finger” he quipped and you watched as it dawned on him “You didn’t marry that waste of skin did you?”

“You have the gall to dress like that and call him a waste of skin?”

Someone behind you snorted with a laugh “She’s got you there Lloyd”

You whipped your head around hearing his familiar voice “Six” you gasped a sigh of relief

All at once, Lloyd’s fist met your nose and you felt it separate along the old break; the blood poured down the front of your top.

Your arm shot out, stopping Six in his tracks “Don’t!”

Lloyd snorted with a laugh “Forever the golden retriever, eh Six?”

Six pushed you gently before his fist connected with Lloyd’s temple.

“Six!”

He immediately shook his head “Not this time, this time it’s my turn”

He wasn’t even looking at you, his attention was fixed on Lloyd. He pulled his t-shirt over his head and held it out to you “Go clean up your nose”

You took the shirt and held it to your still bleeding nose. Your head was pounding and you could hear Lloyd talking, but couldn’t make out what he was saying, your ears still ringing from the impact of his fist.

You slumped against the closest wall, suddenly feeling very dizzy. You slid to the floor with the heel of your hand pressed against your bloodied side; when you pulled your hand away it was bright red and wet; you might be worse off than you initially thought.

Your nose was broken, your blood stained Six’s t-shirt…too much of it.

Leaning against the wall, you fought to keep your eyes open, keep them on Six.

“Court” you whispered, not able to make your voice any louder before your eyes slipped closed, all of this feeling all too familiar.

***

You felt yourself being shifted and picked up from the floor. You groaned, wincing in pain.

“Hmm” you whimpered

“It’s me,” Court whispered against the shell of your ear “Stay awake, stay with me, okay?”

You hummed weakly, your head heavy against his shoulder “Lloyd?”

“Don’t worry about Lloyd”

His voice was far away as you felt him carry you through the hospital.

You gathered enough strength to lift your head “Not here,” you whispered “Home…”

“You won’t make it home” he said, and for the first time since you met him he sounded scared.

You squeezed your eyes shut with tears slipping down your cheeks “Where are we?” you whispered trying to get your bearings and making yourself dizzy. “What floor?”

“Ten”

“Take me to five” you breathed “Find Wilcox,” you whispered “She knows about you, she’ll help”

“She knows about me?”

“Yes,” you whispered “Be mad later if I don’t die first”

“You’re not gonna die” he whispered, pressing a kiss to your temple “Not at the hands of Lloyd Hansen”

Your head fell heavy against his shoulder and he let out a heavy breath through his nose.

The elevator door pinged open and your weight was growing heavier in his arms by the second. As soon as he had stepped off the elevator he caught the attention of a young brunette who in any other circumstance would have made him laugh, but he knew what the two of you looked like.

She weaved her way through the throngs of people, motioning silently with a jerk of her head to one of the rooms down the hall. The noise and excitement of the waiting room faded away as the big double doors closed behind him.

The only sounds were the occasional squeak of her shoes on the tiled floor and his steady breathing; your weight was heavy against his chest, but he could still feel you breathing against him, it was shallow, but it was there.

“So, you know about me,” he said it more like a statement than a question, keeping his voice low as he spoke.

“That depends on what you want me to know” she answered with a glance over her shoulder before pointing to the empty room immediately to his left.

“As far as I’m concerned,” she continued closing the door behind her “You’re just some guy carrying my sister who struggles to adhere to the no shirt no shoes policy”

“Sister?” he questioned laying your unconscious body on the empty operating table

Dr. Wilcox shrugged “For all intents and purposes”

Six nodded slowly, but his attention was focused on you; your blood stained scrubs, your nose shifted at a jarring angle

“Do you know what happened?”

He shook his head “You might want to send someone up to ten”

She furrowed her brow looking up at him from across the table “Ten is under construction…”

Six simply shrugged

“You really are her John McClane, aren’t you?” she muttered, pulling up a stool to sit on so she could work more closely

Six scoffed with a laugh shaking his head “No”

“Sure do act like him though” she quipped giving Six a look up and down

Six ignored her comment and sighed heavily “What can I do?”

She looked up from cleaning your wound and her expression softened. “Stop worrying for one, she’s going to be fine”

The crease in his forehead disappeared and she heard him sigh heavily as she continued to work to pry the bullet from inside your abdomen.

You cried out jerking away from the onslaught of pain and Dr. Wilcox sat back dropping her shoulders before she looked back at Six.

“Either hold her down or calm her down so I can get this out.”

He nodded and she watched as he walked toward the head of the bed, pulling over his own stool to sit on.

She watched as Six brushed a piece of your hair off your face before he leaned forward and kissed your temple.

His hands slid down over the upper part of your arms and he whispered something in your ear.

Dr Wilcox smiled to herself noticing the matching tattoo on his finger that stood in place of a ring.

She has been with you when you had gotten yours, you told her you had to go separately, it was safer that way….and she had to admit she wondered whether or not he would actually follow through.

You had relaxed considerably making it easier for her to work. Although you were still slipping in and out of consciousness.

Six sat at his place at the head of the small metal table, he had heard her say you were going to be fine, but until you were walking out of here under your own power he was hesitant to believe her.

He had no reason not to believe her, and obviously you trusted her, but he couldn't do it. You looked so battered and broken, mumbling incoherently every so often until his voice soothed you back into a fitful state of semi consciousness.

He had an idea of how you had felt now, all those times he had stumbled through your door in the middle of the night, usually bleeding and broken.

His own wounds seemed superficial in this particular moment; although Lloyd had managed to get in a few good hits of his own.

He looked up when a soft humming filled the cold room.

Dr Wilcox looked up almost immediately having sensed someone's eyes on her.

“Sorry,” she spoke softly “I find it keeps people calm”

Six shook his head as she got to her feet.

“Hard part is done, now we just have to reset her nose”

He nodded, rolling out of her way, but only to the side of the bed, his hand still firmly gripping yours.

“At least she's asleep this time” he muttered

Wilcox chuckled, glancing at him briefly before setting to her task. “Looks like you've got a few battle scars of your own there, John”

Six scoffed “What did she tell you about me?”

“Enough” Wilcox smiled as she felt your nose slide back into place and braced it before she stood up straight

“Enough?” He raised an eyebrow as she handed him a box of first aid and knelt in front of him.

She nodded fishing in the kit in his lap for the cotton and alcohol.

“For starters, I know you avoid hospitals like the plague, so the fact that you're here at all means it was life or death for her”

He didn't answer, just watched as she dabbed one of his many cuts.

“I know your name isn't John,” she continued “You're CIA, I know the rest of the world calls you Six…but she calls you something different when it's just the two of you”

He listened to her intently as she continued

“I know had it not been for you, she would have died last year…and again today.”

He just sighed in response.

“I know you taught her to protect herself. I know because of you she wasn't afraid to sleep alone while you were gone”

“I'm gone a lot”

“And she misses you”

Six let out a heavy sigh and Wilcox sat back after examining the deep gash on his side.

“This one is going to need stitches”

She dug in the small kit for what she needed before looking back at Six “Can you sit still or do you want to lie down”

“I'll sit” he muttered, his eyes not leaving your sleeping form.

Dr Wilcox sat watching Six watching you and smiled with a small laugh. “She'll be fine” she whispered.

When he sat unmoving, she took his chin in her hand and forced him to look away from you and at her.

“Listen to me, I love her, just as much as you do…. probably more” she squeezed his cheeks in her hand and he scoffed with a laugh.

“Trust me,” she whispered “Not only do I love her like a sister, which means by default,” she continued dropping her hand from his face “I love you like a brother”

Six opened his mouth to speak and she shook her head

“I don't care if it puts me in danger, I've been in danger this entire time and you had no idea and on top of all of that, I'm a doctor, this is my job.”

Six let out a heavy sigh, but met her gaze all the same.

“I know you don't trust me…or can't, I don't know which, but anything and everything I know about you and about her,” she glanced over her shoulder before turning her attention back to Six “It dies with me”

Six nodded slowly “Understood”

“Good” she smiled “Now, try not to throw up this time”

He narrowed his eyes and tipped his head slightly.

Dr. Wilcox smirked with a nod “Yeah, she told me that too”

“Is there anything you don't know?” He quipped with a grunt as she started to work.

“Your shoe size?” She teased

You stirred with a pained groan and Dr Wilcox’s arm shot out forcing Six back to the stool “Ah, ah. Stay” her fingers digging into his forearm. “She's fine”

She finished stitching the wound and cleaned it once more before she finally let him stand.

Your eyes were open, head turned, watching the two of them as Six made his way to your side. His big hand cupped your cheek and he bent to kiss you carefully.

“Lloyd?” Your voice was raspy, barely a whisper.

“Don't worry about Lloyd” he shook his head, kissing you again.

You closed your eyes, tears slipping down your cheeks before you looked back at Six. “I'm sorry” you choked out before your body was racked with sobs.

Six gently pulled you to sit up, wrapping his arms around you, mindful of your broken nose. “Shhh, none of this is your fault.”

You pulled back from him, your eyes glassy and filled with tears. “I didn't remember any of it,” you hiccuped a sob “E-everything that you told me to n-never for-forget”

“It's okay,” he whispered in your hair as he pulled you against him. ”I'm here, you're safe”

#fic #sierra six #ryan gosling #n sfw #the gray man 2022 #sierra six x reader #courtland gentry x reader #court gentry #the nurse series #lloyd hansen #chris evans

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misslovasstuff · 4 years ago

Text

If only...

Dazai x reader

You were standing in the roof, sitting on the pavement, silently observing the night sky. You brought with you a blanket and a single candle light, that gave you his energy, like he was there.

It gave you the feeling that Dazai was still alive.

It was bitter cold tonight, but there was no wind. You were glad about that because at least the candle light could still shine through the piercing darkness.

You look at the sky and smile, as you remember the fun times and subtle moments you’ve had with Dazai on this roof. You remember:

“I am no good.” - Dazai claims while looking down, avoiding facing you.

You glance at him with a smile. Putting your hand over his, you claim:

“You know, good hearts are the ones that suffer the most. No one understands your pain, but you know you do. That’s what terrifies you. That’s what makes you think you’re no good.”

There is no response to your words, but only a stare from his eyes, a stare so innocent that your heart shook uncontrollably as you already knew...

you loved him.

“To me, you’re nothing but good. For who you’re trying to become, that’s how you should see yourself. That’s how I see you.”

Dazai cups your cheek and you widen your eyes. Ears turning bright red, cheeks burning and hands shaking, you try to confess.

“Dazai..- your voice trembling make Dazai a bit fearful.

“Is everything ok? Are you cold?”- he gives you his long brown coat which warmed you up even more that you already were from all your nervousism. You could feel his scent grew stronger and you couldn’t help but breath much of it in. You loved his cologne.

“Better?”- He holds your hand while gazing at the night sky. Still lost in his thoughts, as if nothing could break down the barrier of his mind.

“Yes, thank you.”

“Dazai, I love you.”

Now you remember, how you couldn’t confess to Dazai, how you never, confessed to him.

However, you had a feeling that he knew how much you loved him. From the way your eyes were fixated to him most of the time, how you smiled so gently whenever he cracked a joke or said something funny. You used to braid his hair and he just absolutely loved it.

What you didn’t know, was how much love he had for you, how much he wanted to give you but never could. He loved your concentrated face whenever you tried solving a case, Mostly he loved your hands, so warm and complementary to his.

Now, you look at the night sky and wonder what would have happened if you actually confessed. Would he still be alive, here with you?

As this question conquers your darkest thoughts, the candle light flame near you perishes and all there was smoke and a burned out candle.

“Dazai, - you murmur, - you went so fast, there was so much I wanted to give you.”

A cold wind blows your hair and it seemed like ti was whispering in you ear. You wrap yourself well with the blanket that didn’t cover the coldness of your heart, which felt bitter and alone.

“If only, - you say to yourself, - these must be saddest words to exist.”

A tear, then another escape your ethereal eyes, as he’d like to call them.

“When you look at me with those eyes of yours I get chills down my spine.”

“Why? Do they scare you?”

“They fascinate me. Is as if, the whole universe is staring me, so it’s normal to be a bit intimidated. Me, a mortal soul, seen by galaxies full of beautiful stardust, it must be a dream.”

“What do you mean?”- You ask shyly as to continue the conversation because after such compliment, your brain wasn’t working anymore.

“I mean, your eyes are out of this world, so ethereal.”

“He really had a way with words.”- You say to yourself, smiling and closing your eyes for a moment. Sleep was getting to you. But, you felt afraid to sleep tonight, as if you’d wake up weaker than today. So weak that you couldn’t take Dazai’s absence in your life, so weak that you’d stay in that roof forever.

“Why don’t we stay here, like forever?”- Dazai asks and you laugh out loud.

“Why stay in one place when the world is so big?”- you question him back.

“Maybe because my whole world is in this place.”

Did he mean you? Were you his world?

You’ll never know. Like you’ll never know what ice cream flavor was Dazai’s favorite, or what was his favorite cartoon as a child.

You’ll never know what would he love to have, a daughter or a son? What was his first present? His favorite flower?

So many little but important details you didn’t unravel about him.

But he did know a lot about you.

“What’s your favorite thing in the world?”- Dazai asks, as light snow begins to fall on the roof.

“Snow! - you answer enthusiastically.

“Snow? That’s your favorite thing in the world?”- he questions with a confused face.

“No, I mean look! It’s snowing.”- you point up.

As soon as he faces the sky, a soft snowflake lends gently on his face. He opens his bare hand, welcoming more snowflakes in his skin.

Dazai was smiling, as he seemed so happy.

My favorite thing in the world is seeing you happy.

Another thing left unsaid, another burden never leaving your weak shoulders.

You open your eyes to realize, it was almost morning as sun had began to rise. Spending your whole night in the roof, made you feel so nostalgic.

You glance at the candle. How lonely it looked, flameless and dead. How you missed its light, like you missed Dazai’s, enabling to save you from your own darkness.

“If only, - you get up, finally leaving the roof. - if only regret didn’t exist. Maybe my heart would ache a little less.

If only...”

#bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs dazai #dazai x you #dazai x reader #dazai imagines #dazai #short fiction #dazai angst #dazai oneshot

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machinegunbun · 4 years ago

Note

🤘-

What about reader is the manager/assistant and fucks up some bug career opportunity for them?

Mistakes can allways happen but that was something really big

Maybe even gets fired for it?

Fucked It +

TW?: Mostly angst but theres some very slight smut with readers S/O

A/N: Not to age the writing but Im writing this as colson tweets that he’s gonna play at the halftime show in the next few years. S/O= Significant Other. I wanted to keep it kinda gender neutral cause bi people exist i dunno.

Word count:1.8k A little longer than a blurb, but just as dialogue-y

This year had been stressful, to say the least. There was the release of tickets to my downfall, and along with that the cover scandal, the bloody valentine music video, downfalls high, the snl episode. It was like every second of your day was filled with something, you rarely got the chance to spend time with your S/O.

That’s right, you had an S/O. Being Colson’s manager wasn’t your entire existence, although you’d seemed to have forgotten that recently. Their name is Devin, and they are not very happy with you.

They’d broken down in tears your first full night home, telling you how under appreciated they had felt while you were away. Devin had a life of their own too, though, and considering the pandemic at hand had chosen to go stay with their family to avoid the covid hot spot that was LA. You understood, and as much as you hated to admit it you barely even realized they were gone. You didn’t know what that meant, but you knew whatever it meant wasn’t anything good for your relationship, but, you loved them and you wanted to recreate that spark.

You wanted to put work into them, and you, and most importantly your relationship. You’d gotten through the emotions, but as for the spark there was only so much you could do thousands of miles away. So, you decided to put in the work and devise a plan. Your plan started about an hour and a half ago, beginning with a shower and ending with your favorite lipstick.

You love Devin and you want nothing more than to wrap them up in a soft blanket and kiss them on the forehead and take them on picnics, but you also wanted them to look at you and touch themselves. You could do one of those things in your current situation, and you felt both would help to replenish your spark.

You looked good too, dressed in your lingerie with your hair all done. You felt so unbelievably sexy just looking at yourself in the mirror, you wished they were here to witness it.

You stood in the doorway of your bedroom, your LED lights set to red, your phone set to start recording in

3…

2…

1…

You tried your best to pose sexily in the small frame, arching your back and playing with your hair, slowly slinking down the wall. You were sure when you sent this Devin would be calling you within seconds. You checked the video, editing it to the length you liked and saving it to your camera roll.

Butterflies began fluttering in your stomach as you looked at your message app. You had seen Devin in so long, what if the spark had really gone? What if they didn’t want you anymore? Or what if they just didn’t want you right now, what if this wasn’t the right thing to do?

You took a deep breath, looking yourself in the mirror and quickly clicking through your messages, sending it before you could think too much and clicking your phone off. You moved from the bathroom, moving to your bed, staring at your phone and waiting patiently for a response.

After thirty minutes you gave up, too nervous to check if they’d seen it. You were cool.

Well, you were cool now that you had cried and and picked yourself apart piece by piece, ending up on the couch in a heap of blankets eating a family bag of your favorite chips to yourself. Family guy played on the TV, the episode only really meant to drain out the noise of your thoughts, and momentarily the bling of your phone. You would’ve missed it entirely if it weren’t for the flickering of your flashlight that you’d enabled to make sure you didn’t.

You rushed from your comfy blanket fort, spilling your chips on the way, your hand wrapping tightly around your phone. You turned it around, seeing that the notification that had popped up was only from Dylan, the guy that got Colson a place at the halftime show.

Work, great, the thing that started this all. Was this the universe telling you it was over? You read on.

It simply said “Call me.”

Your eyebrow raised, considering waiting until tomorrow. You opened your messages, seeing that you had accidentally sent him the video of you in your lingerie. Fuck, thats why Devin hadn’t responded.

You opened his contact, calling him quickly, each ring feeling like needles being inserted into your brain.

“So I hope you understand why we wouldn’t want to be associated with that unprofessionalism.” He said, you’d zoned out through his lecture

“I understand, I do, but I hope you’d be willing to reconsider as this was a mistake on my part and not Colson’s. And seeing as this isn’t public I hope we can just brush this all under the rug and forget it ever-”

“I hear you, but I don’t think that will be possible. Mistake or not it was unprofessional on so many different levels

“But, sir-” You tried, your fingers thumbing over the buttons of the remote to mute the tv.

“It’s over, I’m afraid.” He responded, a beeping noise signalling the call had ended

Oh, nicer, you thought sarcastically, it wasn’t the universe after all, it was the manager.

Tossing your phone on the couch beside you, you retreated to your blanket fort, unmuting the TV.

Colson and the boys had been looking forward to performing at the halftime show since you’d met them. They’d been so excited when you told them you’d got them a spot. Although it was the last thing you wanted to do right now, you knew you had to break the news to Colson.

You stared at your phone, willing yourself to reach over and call him, eventually drifting off into an unsatisfying sleep.

“Oh good, you’re here! Okay, so I was thinking for the halftime show-” Colson began, but you cut him off before he could continue

“Oh, yeah, about that.” You say, rubbing your head in hopes it would soothe the dull ache that had begun to rear its ugly head. You opened your eyes in time to watch the excitement drop from Colson’s face.

“I…” You began, not sure how to start “I fucked it.” You began to laugh, taking a moment to acknowledge how ridiculous the situation had really been.

“What do you mean?” He asks, knitting his eyebrows together in confusion.

“Devin and I are going through a bit of a rough patch with them being away and all, so I decided to try and,” You made a vague shimmy movement with your shoulders “spark things up a bit. You know the silhouette challenge on tik tok? I did that, but I got nervous when I sent the video and I was on the couch for like hours crying too scared to see if they even looked at it, next thing I know I’m getting texted by Dylan asking me to call him.” You paused, partly for dramatic effect and partly to let yourself laugh. You buried your face in your hands, Colson watching in amusement, eager for the end of your clearly hilarious story.

“I accidentally sent him my nudes. It was so fucking embarassing, oh my god!” You finish, looking up from your hands to realize no one else seemed amused.

“What’s that got to do with the halftime show?” Rook questioned.

“Oh, right.” You’d completely lost track in the midst of your rambling “He said it was completely unprofessional and he wasn’t interested in working with us.”

Colson remained silent for a moment, looking over to the other boys before responding “He isn’t interested in working with you.” Your eyebrows furrowed at this, looking between the boys..

“What’s that mean?”

“This is the gig of our lifetime. I’ve- We’ve wanted to play the halftime show since… forever. This was our one chance and because of you we got booted out. And you were laughing about it.”

“I’m sorry, it was a genuine accident, I thought you’d find it funny. Some corporate guy saw my tits ‘cause my relationship is failing, if I don’t laugh I cry.”

“You’re the one who sent him the nudes. This is your fuck up.”

“Yeah, okay. But I work for you, so by association he won’t work with us.”

“Then you aren’t a part of ‘us’ anymore.”

“Colson, seriously? It was a fucking accident. You’re being ridiculous.”

“Watch your tone, I think you’re forgetting you work for me. I’m a nice guy, but this isn’t my shit to deal with.”

“I’m sorry.” You repeated, your voice lowering. It was easy to forget Colson was your boss, he never treated you like an employee. There was more respect between the two of you than any boss/employee relationship you’d ever seen before. You’d never even seen him mad before today. You were genuinely lucky to have had this experience, to think that it was about to come to an end broke your heart.

“Is sorry going to get us this gig back?” The question was rhetorical, but you shook your head “Then I’m sorry, I can’t let this pass me up because of something you did.” Colson says, staring you down. You stood like a statue in your place, unsure whether or not you should leave. The tension in the air could be cut with a knife.

You took it upon yourself to make the decision to turn and leave, driving to the nearest gas station, where you sat in your car, crying in the parking lot.

Everything was fine and in the matter of a week it had all gone to shit. How did this happen?

You were in a happy relationship, and now they were living with their parents for who knows why and telling you they felt neglected. Your career was going amazing and you’d ruined it completely with one mistext.

You started your car back up, settling on the hope that maybe Colson and Dylan would come to their senses, and come Monday morning you would still have a job.

#mgk #mgk angst #mgk fanfic #mgk x reader #machinegunkelly #machinegunkelly angst #machinegunkelly fanfic #machinegunkelly x reader #Colson baker #colson baker fanfic #colson baker x reader #colson baker angst

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thewritingginger · 4 years ago

Text

Night at The Fall - Lucifer x Reader

OH LORD this is SUCH an old request from freaking lAsT yEaR oops

but Its been done :D @ecryveaine I’m so sorry you had to wait so long and you probably don’t even care anymore but here it is 😅

It took forever cuz slumps be like dat ya know lol

Enjoy ~

Prompt: Smut #1 “Don’t make me take you home and punish you.” Fandom: Obey Me! Pairing: Lucifer x F! Reader Word Count: 3,681 words Warning(s): NSFW, 18+, mentions alcohol, Dom! Lucifer & Sub! Reader, Rough sex, public/semi-public sex, degrading, pet names, oral sex (BJ), begging, after care, really old and over do oops

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The room is filled to the brim with touching-bodies making the air humid. The music's vibrations rumble through the walls and the floorboards. The alcohol in your bloodstream begins to make your body tingle. You’re in a booth in the corner of the club swaying in your seat to the music. Sitting next to you sipping his scotch was the one and only Lucifer. You look over to him with glossy eyes. “Lets go dance!” you say excitedly leaning close to your lover's ear. Shaking his head he responds, “I don’t want to dance.” His tone is flat as he takes another sip of his beverage. “Well fine. Then you’ll just have to watch me.” Your sassy response is accompanied with a playful smirk on your lips.

Getting up, the alcohol pumping through your veins makes your body loose, allowing the music to move you with ease. Standing a few feet away from the booth that Lucifer still resides in you begin to lose yourself in the atmosphere around you. Swaying your hips side to side, your arms gliding fluidly to the rhythm. Your eyes close for a moment, enjoying the freedom of movement. Opening your eyes your sight lands upon the hungry gaze of the first born. Reclined in the booth’s velvet cushions, taking slow swings from his glass as his black orbs roam over your form. Adorned in a tight red dress, the garment accenting your figure in an alluring way. His eyes following your every movement, never staying in one spot for long.

After a minute of feeling his gaze analyze your being, you decide you want to toy with him a bit.

As his eyes continue to bore into you, you turn your back to him. Outlining your body and rocking your hips side to side. You look over your shoulder to see if your actions have taken any effect on the demon. Nothing but a half cocked brow changes on his straight face. Running his tongue quickly across his lips he gets up without saying a word to get another drink. You let out a huff, but then a wicked idea pops into your head.

When Lucifer returns to his spot the situation has changed. He left you to dance on your own but returned to see you speaking with another person. A man. Sitting down he crosses his legs waiting to see what the other demon might pull.

Feeling a piercing stare behind you, you discreetly glance over your shoulder and you see it. You see Lucifer’s face and you sense the fire slowly starting to build within him. Finally getting some kind of rise out of him. You think to yourself ‘Why don't we make this a little more interesting.’ So to add kindling to the fire you smile at the young demon talking to you running your hand down his arm. You ask him to dance with you, cause you still wanted to dance with someone and if Lucifer didn't want to be that person then so be it.

The man standing opposite to you grows excited by your invitation. As the song continues the man inches closer to your body, resting his hands on your hips. A few minutes pass and as a new song begins you turn around, your ass mere centimeters away from the other man’s pelvis. His hands continue to explore your waist. You lock eyes with a certain demon with quite the stern look painted on his face. Tight lipped and arms crossed, his look daring you to go further. Taking him on his silent challenge you press your body firmly against your dance partner. Your head falls back gently resting on his shoulder. The man accepts your warmth and leans in to plant a few chased kisses on your exposed neck and shoulder. That's when Lucifer had enough of this little show of yours.

Standing up Lucifer makes his way over to the two of you and stops right behind the unsuspecting man. Unaware of the spiders web you have just got him caught in. Feeling Lucifer's strong presence the man turns his gaze up at Lucifer’s searing glare. “Uh, got a problem man?” The demon asks a bit agitated from the interruption. “You’re touching what's mine.” Lucifer growls. “Well I didn't see her pressing her ass against you, now did I?” The demon laughs. A cocky grin plastered on his face..

A sadistic smile cuts Lucifer’s lips, “Well keep this up and I promise, you won't be seeing much of anything. Now I suggest you leave while you still have your legs to do so.” His threatening words cause the demon to step back and scurry off to another part of the club. With your arms crossed you pout, “Aww Luci, you could've been a bit nicer to the poor guy.I was just having a little fun. You didn't have to come and ruin it. But since you’re here.” You take a step towards him “I can dance with you now.” Your words come with an innocent smile. Taking Lucifer’s hand, you hold it above your head as you lead him further into the crowd of drunken dancers. The lights hit the smoke in the air creating patterns in your vision. The changing colors of the strobes paint your skin technicolored. Turning back to your lover you return to dancing but this time being more daring with your actions. Twirling your hips in a circle you turn your back to him rubbing your butt on his manhood. Rocking to the music you let a wandering hand wedge itself between you and Lucifer, palming at his crotch a few times before you feel his bruising grip on your wrist. Leaning into your ear, his voice penetrating your entire body. “If I were you I would be mindful of what it is you are doing Y/n.” His tone suggests you to be cautious but the way his words seemed to carve themselves into you made you shiver with delight. Playing innocent you say “I don't know what you mean Luci, I’m just having a little fun with you.” You smirk inwardly, knowing the game you were playing. Knowing the risks of what egging him on could lead to. After a moment of pondering your innocent confession you feel a low fiendish chuckle vibrate against your back. Moving to the music with you, his iron clamp on your hip tightens as he wraps his other arm around you to caress your neck. Pulling you against his chest enabling you to move. “Y/n, don't make me take you home and punish you.” His taunting words make the warmth betwixt your thighs sear like a branding iron. Feeling as if the air is caught within your throat his words continue. “Or perhaps you wish for me to take you here.” Your eyes shoot open at his insinuating words. “I know you wanted to make me jealous, that's why you let that scum put his hands on you.” Your breath quickens from the excitement building within you. Your electrified haze is broken by Lucifer’s sudden movements, your wrist firmly in his fist as he drags you towards the entrance.

Opening the doors of the hot bar a cold gust of wind washes over you, shocking your system. Pulling you to the side now standing in the dark alleyway Lucifer plants your back against the cold-damp concrete wall. Holding your chin up, his face a breath away from yours. “What am I going to do with you Y/n?” He asks with a tsk. His hand slipping down your neck, your side to then rest on your hip. Seeing a light bulb go off in his head a devilish gleam flashes across his eyes. “On your knees.” His words leave you speechless for a second. “But Luc~.” You’re cut off, “I said, on your knees. Now!” His command comes out with more force. Sinking to the ground you look up at him, “Undo my pants.” Another order, you obey. As you undo his belt and unzip his trousers you glance to the side where you hear people leaving and entering The Fall night club. “Lucifer what if someone sees us?” “They won't. And besides you didn't seem to mind what others thought when you were inside. I thought since you could act so shameless in front of others on your feet, you wouldn’t mind doing it on your knees.” Looking down at you, his words wrapped in sin. “Now be a good slut and do as I tell you and maybe I'll reward you after.” His fingers tangle in your hair pulling your face close to his hardened member.

Placing a hand on his thigh and the other gripping his penis. You swallow hard before you open your mouth to drag your tongue up the underside of his shaft. Putting his tip in your mouth beginning to suck, Lucifer pumps your mouth up and down himself to his desired pace. His hips bucking toward its pleasure with every few bobs of your head. His breath becoming deeper, you begin to hear low growls leaking from his throat. Looking up through your lashes you see the predatory look in his eyes. The way he looks at you like a hungry lion eyeing a wounded gazelle. Devouring you with his gaze, making you shrink under his intensity as he uses your mouth for his own needs.

After he is satisfied with the use of your mouth he pulls you back gasping, a string of saliva connecting your mouth to his cock. Before you are able to catch your breath he hoists you back to your feet, facing you towards the wall. Pulling your hips back with his strong hands as he roughly yanks up the hem of your dress over your ass. The cool air against your skin makes your legs tremble. “Hmm.” An amused hum meets your ears. “You really are something. Coming out here in this little dress wearing no panties.” Punctuating his statement with a firm smack against your right asscheek. Pulling a fistful of your hair back, making your back form a u-shape. “You wanted me to use you tonight, huh?” Putting his fingers between your legs he feels your essence coating his digits. “Look at you, sopping wet like a bitch in heat and all from having my cock in your throat. I wonder just how much further I can take you before I break you.”

Sliding his tip against your entrance, reviling in its sinful decadence. Craving more of what your body has for him. Putting his slick covered fingers into your mouth tasting yourself as he slams his hips against yours. Your moans muffled by his fingers. The sudden intrusion makes your knees buckle.

He starts to pump into your core with powerful thrusts. Sounds of flesh smacking and stifled cries echo in the empty alleyway. Contorting your head back to continue his assault on your ears, filling your brain with nothing but his voice. “Look at you defenseless against me. Completely at my mercy. You love having my cock stuffed inside you don't you?” Unable to say anything you nod your head. Letting out a choked groan, the way he is fucking you and your backs bent is proventing you from taking a full breath. “I’m sure the thought that any one of those people walking in and out of that door over there could look over and see us gets you off. Huh, Princess.” Unable to do anything once again but nod your head in agreement as pleasure consumes you whole. Feeling as if the world is spinning, your brain incapable of knowing up from down at this point. His masterful thrusts hitting you in just the right spot over and over again. His words, pushing you closer to the edge. “You're such a little whore for my cock. I should’ve defiled you right in front of everyone, so they could see just how dirty you really are. You would've liked that huh?” A choked out “Yes'' leaves your lips causing a pleased smile to grace Lucifer's face. “Yes, what?” he asks with a hard spank, a red mark colors your butt. “Y-yes Master.” You corrected your response earning you a heated kiss before releasing your face. Dropping your head down stretching your neck from the unnatural position you were in. He pulls both your arms back holding you by your elbows as he begins to mercilessly pound into your womanhood.

Your knees feel weak. Unsure whether you’ll be able to keep yourself upright, Lucifer’s grip on you doesn’t falter. Still trying to suppress the moans from erupting from your throat you let out whispered screams to try and get some release. “Still trying to hold back? Well that's fine I guess I’ll have to pry those sweet sounds out of you.” His threat makes you involuntarily whimper, unsure if you can take much more of this relentless fucking he’s giving you. “P-please I don't know if I can take any more.” You confess hoping he will let up a bit, but how naive you were to dream of that happening.

“Oh I’m sorry, Y/n. Am I being too rough with you?” As he speaks in a mocking tone his thrusts slow down to long agonizing pumps. “I’m sorry.” Relieved that the pace has slowed down but the anxiety of what he has in store for you next keeps you from letting your guard down. His grip on your elbows disappears allowing you to stretch your arms. His large palms feel up and down your sides as he places kisses on your shoulder. You begin to lose yourself in this new found softness for a moment before it stops, “Well Princess, If you don’t like how I’m fucking you then, you do it!” He says, pulling out of you. Turning you around to face him, his eyes hungry. He picks you up like you’re weightless. Wrapping your arms and legs around him to keep yourself up. Eyes locked. His forehead to yours. “Cause either way, I am having you!”

Inserting himself back into your wetness you let out a weary gasp, His hands firmly gripping your ass “Start moving.” His commanding words make you move innately as if you don't have control over your own body anymore. This body that claims to be yours but when his stringent words fill your ears you are reminded of who really governs it. With every twist of his lips and smack of his palm you are consumed with the ever present desire to please him. To give up your body for this ravenous beast. Presenting yourself, a banquet of erotic delicacies that only you can offer him. Wanting him to devour you with every kiss, needing him to take your body past its limits. Your muscles strain as they loop around his toned form, screaming to keep you up. Your hips eagerly trying to take in every inch of his manhood. Growing increasingly exasperated, feeling as if you can't get close enough. “Come on is that the best you can do? Prove to me that you want my cock.” His taunting words don’t register in your mind, every syllable blurs together as you try and focus on keeping yourself up and moving your hips. The heat inside you is enough to make you feel like you’re melting. Allowing yourself to be putty in his hands as he molds you to what he wants. Shaping yourself around his body like a puzzle piece. His dark silky locks are tightly wound in your shaking digits. Your face buried in his neck. Sinking your teeth into his shoulder trying desperately to muffle your cries of pleasure. A hiss is heard as Lucifer sucks in through his teeth. A dark chuckle erupts from his chest. “We’re biting now are we? Well then~” With his amusement you let out a little squeal as Lucifer digs his fingernails into the plump skin of your ass. His hands assisting you in your movements, your hips meet each other with bruising force. The sound of skin slapping against each other and muffled screams emanate from the dark alleyway. “Fuck!” His hoarse whisper vibrates through your weak body. Trying desperately to keep your grip around him. Detaching from his shoulder you meet his gaze. Directing him you kiss him hungrily. Tears pricking your eyes, moaning into his lips. All your senses being stimulated. His touch. His taste. His smell. His moans. All of it fills you up. Nearing your breaking point you hug him closer, if that was even possible. With every stroke of his shaft inside you you’re pushed closer and closer to the edge. The coil inside you coming undone burns in your belly. Seeking your end you move your hips faster. Not caring if anyone can see or hear you. All you care about is him. This moment. Your end. Nothing else mattered but the pleasure between you two.

Just a few more movements of your hips and you feel the string holding you together snap. You kiss Lucifer as you climax. Muffling your sweet cries of passion. Your walls convulse around his manhood, urging him to keep going. Riding out your orgasm you feel his cock twitch signifying his impending end. Not having a chance to come down for your high, being over stimulated by his never wavering need to fill you with his seed. Claiming you as his. His mind, that of an animal, focusing solely on marking his territory. He will have everyone that sees you know your his. If not from the marks he leaves behind then from his semen dripping down your legs. His feverish movements become sloppier. Looking into your eyes, foreheads touching he releases his essence inside you. Your walls are coated with hot ropes of cum, as he maintains a slow pace. Milking his cock for all it has.

With his back to the wall, standing there motionlessly in silence. A minute passes. Both breathless, calming down from the ride you went on. The excitement melting into tiredness. Your head rests limp against his before sweeping the loose hair in your face. Looking at him, your eyes, heavy. Cradling your face like a prized gem, rubbing your cheek with his thumb he pulls you in for a tender kiss. “You okay? Do you think you can walk?” He asks, a new found softness to his once rough voice. You nod your head, “I’m okay.” You offer a smile and catch his lips again. Reveling in the aftermath of your heated moment. You gasp as he pulls out slowly. Placing your feet on the ground he waits for you to steady yourself. Fixing your clothes you look over to him as he buckles his belt back on. Draping his blazer over your shoulders he lifts your chin. “Let’s go home, I’ll draw you a nice bath.” Kissing your forehead you wrap your arms around his waist. “That sounds nice.” You say with a smile.

Taking your first step to leave the alleyway Lucifer catches you as you stumble a bit. I guess walking in heels on cobblestone after a particularly aggressive fucking isn’t that easy. Laughing it off you feel his strong arms pick you up. “Here I’ll walk you to the car.” Accepting his offer you rest your head on his shoulder as he carries you to the car that’s picking you up.. On the drive home you both are relaxed in each other's arms. His fingers draw patterns on your shoulder as he breathes in your shampoo.

Once at the house of Lamentation you and Lucifer went separate ways. Him to the bathroom to run you a bath and you to your room to get unready.

Walking into the dimly lit bathroom the only light coming from the lit tea candles. The bath is filled with steaming water and a mountain of bubbles. The hint of lavender and sage hangs in the air. “I got you a glass of water as well. Do you need help getting in?” Lucifer asks as he helps derobe you. Nodding your head, he hangs your robe on a hook as you take his hand. Stepping into the bath you sigh at the perfect temperature. Bubbles surrounding you as you sink further into the water. The tension in your muscles drifts away as the water warms you up. Looking over to Lucifer you give him a smile. “Won't you join me?” You ask. Your question tugs the corners of his lips up. His eyes are soft as he begins to strip his body of his clothing. You can’t take your eyes off him as he does. With your gaze locked you can’t help but feel warm all over but this time not from the water. You are washed over with such love for this man. A man that can drive you mad with desire and lust but also make you feel like a schoolgirl with their crush. He can be an animal one minute and a prince the next. While in your thoughts you feel Lucifer step in behind you. Your back against his chest, skin to skin. His arms wrap around your front, you rest your head back on his shoulder. Back in that comfortable silence. Your energies intermingling. Engaged in another act of intimacy, one that's softer but just as passionate. ‘I really do love this man.’

Your thoughts make you laugh. “What are you laughing about?” He asks, placing a light kiss on your head. “Oh nothing. Just thinking about how much I love you.” You look up to see him smile at your comment. “And how much is that?” He asks playfully. “Wouldn’t you like to know.” You say back, flicking some water in his face. You both get lost in laughter before he pulls you in for a kiss. “I bet if I try hard enough I can get you to tell me.” He says holding your cheek. “We’ll see about that.”

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Golly gosh that was kinda long but also soo freakin old lol idek if its good at this point I read it so many times xD

But I hope you enjoyed it :3 and hopefully unless school doesnt keep kicking me in the face I can slowly keep getting more out 😅

💛 ~

#obey me #obey me game #shall we date #shall we date obey me #shall we date lucifer #obey me lucifer #lucifer #lucifer x reader #x reader #x f!reader #valentines day prompts #valentines day #*nsfw #super late #oops

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labyrinth-runner · 4 years ago

Note

“Are you scared? Don’t be. ‘ll protect you from today onwards.” For Obi x Reader please?

Title: King of Hearts

Summary: When you’re sent to a neighboring kingdom to marry the king, things do not go as planned. Warnings: None. Word Count: 5400

Tag List: @blackirisposts, @star-whores-a-new-hoe, @nerd-without-a-cause, @all-hallows-evie, @darthserling

As always, thanks to @the-mandalorian-clone-lover for being a low-key Beta.

You could hear the sound of the wheels running over the forest floor. It had been hours since your carriage had set off on its journey towards the kingdom that was to be your new home. Your legs ached from being in the same position for so long, but there was nothing you could do. Stopping now was out of the question, as you had driven into enemy territory an hour ago. Your guards had even advised against looking out the window. After all, the Princess of the neighboring kingdom would be a prime target for the warlord ravaging your kingdom. That was why it was imperative that you got to your new kingdom in one piece. Your marriage to the King would unite your two kingdoms and act as an alliance that would hopefully end the war.

Resting your head against the wall, you absentmindedly played with your pendant as you tried to picture the man you were to marry. You’d met him once, a long time ago. The two of you had both been young when his father, Qui-Gon, had come to your kingdom for a summit. You couldn’t have been more than ten at the time. You remembered meeting an awkward teenager who would talk you out of all the mischief you had planned. He was so serious, with those crystalline blue eyes that looked like they were wise beyond their years. Most of all, you remember he was kind, having an affinity for animals that led him to spend most of his visit in the menagerie.

Now, you wondered what he was like, having been King for a few years since the death of his father at the hands of a warlord. Would he still be kind? Or would years of a harsh life have turned his heart cold? A sigh breezed through your lips as you tried to stretch in the small space.

Thwip.

Thud.

Screaming.

You froze, hearing the unmistakable sound of an arrow being loosed into the air, and the carnage that it no doubt had caused. The horses were startled and strayed from the path, causing the carriage to run over a boulder. It started to list to the side until it was tumbling. You braced for impact as the carriage landed on its side. Peeking out of the window, you noticed you were at the bottom of a ravine.

“I’m a sitting duck,” you realized in horror as you struggled to get the door open, let alone crawl out of the carriage. Part of you wanted to stay put, to play dead, but you knew better than to trust your attackers with your body. If they were thorough, they would finish the job. With that knowledge to steel your nerves, you used all the strength in your arms to pull yourself up through the doorway.

Once on the other side, you closed the door so that it would take them a while to notice anything was amiss. Swiftly, you moved across the clearing towards the tree line. You could hear running water nearby. If you passed through it, then they would loose your trail. Your feet propelled you further and further, vowing to yourself with each step that you would not die here, that the hope of your people’s salvation would not die here, alone, in the forest.

The water was cold on your calves as you plunged into a running river. It was deeper than you expected, but nothing you couldn’t handle. Wading through the waist-deep water, you trudged to the opposite bank and pulled yourself up.

The foliage on that side of the river was dense enough to conceal you from your attackers. Your heart thudded in your chest as you listened to the sounds of footfalls. Through a gap in the trees, you watched as men in dark cloaks came into view, searching for you. When they passed by without incident, you released a breath that you hadn’t realized you were holding.

On the horizon, the sun was starting to set. You knew you couldn’t stay in the woods forever, but you couldn’t travel as you were either. Your clothes were much too rich for the area. No, you’d have to go back to the carriage and hope to salvage some of the clothes that your maid had packed.

Mary, you thought sadly. She had been riding on the front of the carriage when you were attacked. There was no way she would have survived. A pang of guilt washed over you, but you had to shove it aside. Your feelings, as valid as they were, would not enable you to survive if you dwelled in sadness.

Somehow, the water seemed colder the second time around. It felt like tiny knives stabbing into your skin as you made your way back, retracing your steps as best you could in the falling darkness.

Eventually, the carriage came into view, it’s dark form rising out of the shadows. Your luggage was strewn across the ground, with some crates leaking fabrics. Surprisingly, your treasure was untouched.

“So it was never about the money,” you sighed, “It was always about me.”

With a shake of your head, you started to root around for a plain outfit that would be warm enough in the cool night air. You found a blue servants gown and a brown wool cloak that would suit you nicely. Quickly, you changed into it.

Laying on the ground a few feet away was a crumpled body of one of your soldiers. With some care, you removed his dagger and attached it to your own body. You hoped you would never have to use it, but you would rather have and not need, than need and not have.

Lastly, you took your pendant in your hand, a wedding gift from your fiancé. On it was his crest along with your family’s motto on the back. Ad astra per aspera. You tucked it under the neckline of your dress before looking up at the stars. Giving the guiding lights a resolute nod, you started to walk.

You walked for what felt like miles with no end in sight until dawn started to break over the horizon. Streaks of light cut through the canopy overhead washing everything in a warm amber glow. The trees started to thin out and a small town could be seen past the fields and farms on the outskirts near the forest. To your dismay, you could see that the town was crawling with enemy troops. You pulled your cloak further down your forehead to hopefully obscure your face. As much as you just wanted to walk past the town, your stomach was growling and would not be ignored.

Trudging into the tavern, you slipped into a seat in the corner hoping to avoid detection.

The gods were not smiling upon you.

As soon as you sat, a group of soldiers sauntered over towards you.

“Well, sweetheart, aren’t you a new face?” one of them purred as the barkeep placed a bowl of soup in front of you.

You pointedly ignored them, hoping they would take the hint and leave.

Instead, another soldier sat across from you. “Are you traveling alone? You know that’s dangerous with a war on. Wouldn’t want someone as pretty as you to get caught in the cross fires.”

“You know, when a lass ignores you, that’s usually a sign that you should stop talking,” a man said from behind them.

“Yeah? And what are you going to do about it?” The soldier taunted back.

“This,” the man simply stated before punching him in the face.

A brawl soon broke out in front of you. With a sigh of annoyance, you picked up your bowl of soup and side-stepped the kerfuffle to finish eating your soup at the bar.

The men continued to brawl until the owner kicked them out. Then, the owner turned towards you, “And you, too.”

“But I-” you started to protest.

“Out! You’re bad for business,” he said sternly.

You sighed. At least you’d finished eating. It was time to move on from here, anyway. Pulling your hood back over your head, you made your way out of the tavern and into the street, seeing the man and a younger boy nursing their wounds as the soldiers stalked off down the road.

“Are you alright, lass?” the man called out. He looked like a farmer, based off his clothing. The boy with him must be his farmhand, you surmised.

“Yes, but you didn’t have to do that. I was capable of handling it myself.”

“Were you just going to sit in silence and suffer their presence?” he asked, a slight smirk tugging at his lips. He had a scruffy beard, but the most amazing eyes.

Your face felt hot as you looked away, “I suppose I should thank you, then. For saving me the trouble of their company.”

“You’re welcome,” he said with a kind smile. “Where are you headed, lass?”

“Stewjon,” you said before pausing. Thinking on your feet, you came up with a reasonable lie. After all, you weren’t sure how they would treat the princess of a neighboring kingdom, even if they had just defended your right to eat in silence. “I’m an ambassador from a neighboring kingdom looking to bend the king’s ear.”

It wasn’t exactly a lie. You technically were a representative of your kingdom, and you were hoping the King would listen and help his new wife’s homeland. You absentmindedly played with your necklace while you waited to see if he’d accept your lie.

The farmer nodded, “We’ll take you there.” He cast a suspicious look at the pendant in your hand, squinting at it slightly.

Quickly, you tucked it back into your neckline.

They started to walk and you followed them in silence, sizing them up. The two men seemed to have an unspoken language between them, knowing how the other would tackle the stumbling blocks in the road or which path to take to get to the right place. Their’s was an easy companionship from what you could see. Every once in a while they’d crack jokes when they tripped or slipped.

“No wonder you aren’t a knight, if a tree limb can trip you up,” the farmer teased.

“Better me than you,” the younger man quipped. “I don’t know if your old bones could handle a tumble.”

The man thwacked him up the side of his head.

“Ow!” the boy complained.

“Respect your elders,” the man simply stated, sending you a wink.

A chuckle breezed through your lips at their banter.

“See? Even the lady thinks you’re a fool,” the farmer smirked.

“Or maybe she just happens to find my antics amusing,” the boy straightened. “After all, she does have Anakin Skywalker at her service.” He affected a low bow, waggling his eyebrows at you as he looked up.

You giggled, “Lovely to make your acquaintance, Mr. Skywalker. And you, Sir?” you turned towards the farmer. “I should like to know the name of my savior.”

“Oh, should you now?” he asked, his smile slipping slightly. “It’s Ben.”

You nodded, “Ben and Ani.”

Ben looked up at the sky and cursed, “We’ll have to make camp.”

“But it’s midday,” you replied.

He pointed towards the horizon, “Those clouds spell a storm. We’ll want to find a nice, dry cave to stop in until it passes.”

“There’s a mountain ridge up ahead,” Anakin added. “There should be a cave there.”

“The river’s a bit to the south. If the lass wouldn’t mind getting some water?” Ben asked, handing you a canteen.

You nodded, taking it from him going off towards the direction he indicated. You could hear Ben ordering Anakin about as you left.

The stream wasn’t too hard to find, and it was significantly less cold than the one you had found yourself in the day before. As you dipped the canteen in the river to gather water, you caught sight of your reflection. There were trees in your once-neat hair, dirt was caked on your limbs, and bits of blood were dried here and there from where you had been nicked by brambles and branches.

Casting a look from side to side, you realized you were alone. You may not get another moment like this, and you certainly did not want to show up to the palace in such a state. In moments, you had undressed and waded into the running water. Taking a handkerchief from your clothes, you used it to scrub yourself clean, marveling in the fresh feeling of once again being spotless. You leaned back, floating for a moment as you let yourself relax.

“Lass, we found a cave,” Ben called out as he came trudging through the bushes. Then, he caught sight of the clothes on the riverbank and his eyes briefly flicked to your floating body before he averted his gaze.

You straightened immediately. “I’m sorry. I-”

“Please, don’t apologize. I should have been more discreet. I averted my gaze as quickly as I could,” he replied, keeping his back towards you as you got out of the river and dressed.

“How far is the cave?”

“Not very far,” he replied.

Gently, you took his hand to hide the look of embarrassment. His hand was warm around yours, comforting. “Lead the way.”

Soon you found yourself standing at the mouth of a cave. Inside, Anakin had started a small fire and spread out their cloaks to cover the ground to make it softer.

The three of you sat as the start of the storm could be heard outside.

“I guess you were right,” you murmured.

“He’s always right,” Anakin said pointedly.

Ben rolled his eyes, “I just had to learn this from my father at a young age.”

“Because of working in the fields?” you asked.

He blinked, “Y-yes.”

You stared out the mouth of the cave at the steadily growing storm. “Can you tell me a bit about the king?”

“Haven’t you met him before?” Ben asked.

“A long time ago,” you said wistfully. “It’s been a while. People can change. Life changes them.”

“He’s a hard ass,” Anakin smirked. That earned him another thwack from Ben. “Alright, I lied. He’s kind. He’s a real people’s man.” The younger man laid down on his cloak and turned away from you. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to take a nap.”

That just left you and Ben.

At first, the silence was deafening, but then the ice broke and conversation became easy.

The two of you talked for hours about anything and everything under the sun, from childhood experiences to the things you did for fun. There was so much that you two had in common, and talking to him was so easy. You’d never felt more at ease. As you talked, you noticed little things about him. The crinkle near the corner of his eyes from smiling was your first observation. Then, it was how beautiful the color of his eyes were. In the back of your mind, you wondered how soft his beard was. Still, all the while you kept swapping stories and learning more and more about this handsome man who had rescued you. When you woke up on his shoulder later on, you didn’t even remember falling asleep.

“Morning, sunshine,” he murmured.

The rain had stopped, leaving a clean smell hanging in the air. Anakin was snoring softly across the cave. The fire casted Ben in a warm amber glow that you found entrancing. Gently, you reached up to smooth a piece of hair out of his face. His eyes softened as he looked down at you. He leaned into your touch, eyes closing as his cheek pressed into your palm. Your thumb caressed the edge of his beard as you found your eyes settling on his lips. In the back of your mind, a voice said you probably shouldn’t be doing this, but you found yourself leaning in anyway. Your lips connected with his, pressing firmly against him. He kissed back almost immediately, slipping his hand to your neck as his fingers snaked into your hair. The cave was suddenly warmer than you could handle and you pulled back, eyes wide at what you’d done.

Anakin stretched behind you, waking up. “Well, I suppose we should start walking again?”

Ben answered, not taking his eyes off you. “Yes, we should. Then we’ll at least reach the city limits by daybreak tomorrow.”

“We’re going to walk through the night?” you asked in dismay.

“It’s best that we make haste,” Ben replied, getting up and pulling his cloak back on.

“R-right,” Anakin seconded, his brow furrowed as he glanced between the two of you.

“If we make it to the city limits by dawn, then we’ll be able to rent a horse for the last leg of the journey,” Ben added, as a consolation.

You nodded, getting yourself together to follow them out into the late afternoon sun.

The walk was harder now, with the ground slick with wet grass and mud. It was slower going, and somehow you managed to hold onto Ben’s hand the entire time. He kept you from falling, and pulled you out of the mud when you got stuck. He barely looked at you as you went until you needed help. Then, there was concern in his eyes as he steadied you, an extra hand on your arm to make sure that you were in fact alright.

It confused you. You were to be married to a man you hadn’t known in a long time, and yet here you were falling for a farmer who couldn’t even look at you for longer that ten seconds since you’d kissed. Still, you knew that nothing you’d have with the King would ever be as easy as with this farmer, but there was nothing you could do. Your kingdom needed this alliance. However, that didn’t mean you couldn’t stumble or slip a bit more so that you could spend more time with the farmer. All you were doing was prolonging the inevitable, you knew that. Yet, you wanted to do it. You were enjoying this sense of freedom before being bogged down with the needs of a kingdom again.

As night drew nearer, you held his hand tighter, not wanting to get separated in the dark. Ben gave your hand reassuring squeezes intermittently. Once, although you could not see it, you felt him bring your hand to his lips and kiss it when you’d stopped at a fork in the road.

Somehow, they knew the way in the dark. It was almost as if they’d spent years traveling these roads, which you thought was odd for a farmer. Then again, he probably traveled to sell his wares. As it got darker, it grew colder. That was when you felt a cloak being dropped on your shoulders. You nestled into it, squeezing his hand in response.

Your feet were so tired you felt like they would fall off of your body and abandon you. At that point, you realized that you had been walked the majority of the way to the palace, a trip that took about six hours by carriage, but a day and a half on foot. You wanted to stop. You wanted to rest. But, you knew that if you were tired, then so were they. Yet, they kept going to get you to your destination. They didn’t give up, and neither would you.

Finally, dawn started to break. You’d broken out onto wide open road a while ago, but now in the early morning rays, you could see the city sprawling before you and the ocean beyond it. You nestled further into your layers as the sea breeze ruffled the fabric.

“Is that...?” you asked.

“Yes,” he said with a fond smile on his face as he looked at it. “That’s Stewjon.”

“It’s massive,” you breathed.

“Which is why I said we’d get horses to take you to the palace,” he winked. “Besides, the best way to tour the city for the first time is on horse.”

“You’re going to give me a tour?” you asked, unable to keep the giddiness from your voice. Perhaps you didn’t have to say goodbye so soon, after all.

“If that is alright with you,” he grinned.

“You two go on ahead,” Anakin yawned. “I’m going to go home.”

Ben shot him a glare.

Your brow furrowed. Home? But they were farmers. There were no farms around the city.

“I mean... I’m going to find some lodgings,” Anakin chuckled nervously. “You know, my brain is so tired I should get some sleep so I can start making sense again.”

You raised a brow as the boy awkwardly backed away.

Ben gently took your hand and tugged you towards the stables. “Wait here.”

Bouncing on the balls of your feet, you waited for him to return with a horse. He helped you up into the saddle before climbing on behind you. His body was warm against your back and you found yourself leaning into him, resting your back against his chest.

He set the horse into a slow pace, pointing out various businesses and places all over the town. People waved to him as he passed and he waved back.

“You’re quite popular,” you teased.

“Nonsense,” he murmured, “They’re just friendly here.”

“I hope I’m well received,” you sighed.

“I’m sure you will be, lass,” he whispered in your ear.

His voice sent a shiver down your spine in a way you’d never felt before. As you closed your eyes, you pictured what it would be like to have him whisper sweet nothings to you in the dark of your bedroom. His hands were warm around yours as he held onto the reins. They were large and calloused. You couldn’t help but imagine what they would feel like against your skin, fingers splayed as they trailed up your sides.

Reluctantly, you opened your eyes, severing your connection to your daydream. You couldn’t be thinking like this. Not now.

“Take me to the palace, please,” you said with a sad smile.

“Of course,” Ben replied, but you thought there was a slight twinge of disappointment in his voice.

The rest of the ride was silent. He put you down in front of the palace steps. Each step up them put more and more distance between the two of you in more ways than just physically. With every step, you tried to wall up your heart to protect you. You didn’t dare to say goodbye for fear of not being able to let go. You felt foolish, loving a man so easily and so quickly, but it felt like you’d know him for years, not mere days.

You placed your hand on the door, fingers spread and pushed it in to enter a grand hall. A woman quickly flitted over to you, giving you a hard appraisal.

“I’m sorry, but the King isn’t seeing to the townspeople today.”

“Oh, I’m not....” you trailed off, trying to think of the best way to explain yourself as the woman raised an eyebrow at you. “I’m the King’s betrothed. My carriage was attacked and I had to walk the rest of the way here.” You dug out the necklace that the King had sent you as a gift and showed it to her.

Her eyes lit up in recognition and she curtseyed, “Of course, your highness. My apologies. My name is Padmé Amidala. I serve as an advisor to the King. Please, allow me to show you to your rooms.”

“May I not see the King first?” you asked. “I’ve traveled all this way.”

“Wouldn’t you like to make yourself look....presentable first?”

You looked down and took in your appearance. “I suppose I ought to.”

Padmé nodded and led you towards your rooms. They were grand rooms, richly furnished with all the finest pieces and fabrics. Yet, they lacked the warmth and familiarity of yours back home.

Servants came to draw a bath for you. Once it was full, you dismissed them and sunk into the tub. It’s nice to bathe in warm water again, you thought as you leaned your head against the rim of the tub.

Your eyes cast a critical glance back and forth as you took in your surroundings. As nice as the rooms were, part of you wondered if it were only a temporary arrangement. After all, you’d have to move into the King’s room eventually once you were married.

Quickly, you sunk below the water at the thought. Sharing a room with another person? Hell, sharing a room with a man? The thought was overwhelming.

When you broke back through the surface, you noticed that the sun was starting to set. It was then that you realized just how much time you had spent with Ben around town. It had gone by in the blink of an eye.

Your fingers started to wrinkle from the water and you decided to emerge from the tub. Wrapping a robe around you, you padded back towards your bedroom to find Padmé waiting for you.

“Your highness, we must take some measurements for your wedding dress,” she informed you as a group of handmaidens swarmed into the room.

You were guided up onto a pedestal and turned this way and that as they draped a gown around you, pinning and stitching things in place.

“How soon will this be finished?” you asked.

“Don’t fret, your highness, I’ll have the dress finished in time for your nuptials tomorrow,” the seamstress said as she packed up her things.

“Tomorrow?” you asked incredulously. It was so much sooner than you thought.

“Of course,” Padmé smiled, “The King will want to marry you at sunset tomorrow, as is tradition.”

“Isn’t that... quite soon?” you asked.

“You’ve known each other for years, have you not?”

“Well,” you sighed as you pulled your robe back on. “May I at least speak with the King first?”

“I’m afraid not, your highness,” she said with a sad smile, “His majesty is in a meeting with the war council tonight. It’s to go over plans for reinforcing your father’s troops. I don’t think he’ll be out any time soon.”

“I see,” you said, a frown of disappointment apparent on your face. “I’d like to enjoy dinner in my room tonight, Padmé. There’s no sense in eating in the dining room if I am to be eating alone.”

“Of course, your highness,” Padmé nodded, ushering everyone out the door. She paused in the doorway before turning back to you. “If it helps at all, your highness, please know that his majesty is a kind man. He is just as nervous about this as you, but I can promise you that everything he will ever do is to protect you. When you were late in arriving.... well, I have never seen him more distraught. I was sure he’d scour the kingdom just to find you.”

“I see,” you murmured, looking out the window at the vast kingdom. “Thank you, Padmé.”

She left without another word.

When dinner arrived, you hadn’t realized how hungry you were, but then you remembered that you hadn’t eaten since the tavern fiasco. Regardless of whether or not it actually was the best meal you’ve eaten, your hunger made it so.

By the time you’d finished eating, the sky had turned into the indigo depths of a lightless ocean. You settled on the window seat and opened the window to feel the chill night air on your face. Your farmer was out there somewhere, with his eyes like the sky in the morning when you have a whole day ahead of you, bright and nary a cloud in the sky. As you closed your eyes, you pictured his face, his strong jaw, his beard as it brushed the shell of your ear during the tour of the kingdom, his strong arms as they wrapped around you. Never had you felt more safe.

You fell asleep on the bench, dreaming of your farmer. It wasn’t until much later that you woke up to a pair of arms carrying you to bed.

Fluttering your eyelids, you noticed a shadow holding you. Your first instinct was to push back as you gasped in fear.

“Shhhhh, lass,” a man murmured as he tucked you into the covers. “Are you scared?” He gently smoothed your hair out of your face, “Don’t be. I’ll protect you from today onwards. Always.”

In your heart, you believed him. You couldn’t make out any of his features as he retreated towards the hall, but when he opened the door, the candlelight reflected off the crown on his head. By then, you could barely keep your eyes open and let yourself succumb to sleep.

Padmé let you sleep in the next morning, having guessed that you had been through quite the ordeal and were thoroughly exhausted. When they finally woke you up, it was around noon and they started to get you ready for your wedding.

It was all a blur as you felt your nerves begin to rise, settling into your chest like a weight. You couldn’t eat, instead just allowing yourself to be taken over by the process and trusting your new handmaidens and Padmé completely.

Soon, you found yourself at the chapel as the afternoon sun started to set, swathing you in colorful light from the stained glass. Your hand came up to squeeze your pendant in your hand, wishing that your father could have been there. Ahead of you stood a man with his back towards you, a crown nestled in his auburn hair. Part of you wondered if you could really go through with this, but then you remembered that this was for the good of the kingdom. Your life was never just yours. You lived for your people, and what your people needed was for you to solidify this alliance. For your own sake, you hoped that love would come later, once Ben was long forgotten. If you could ever manage that.

You walked with a measured gait towards the front of the chapel, coming to rest next to the man that would be your husband. Your heart was thumping in your chest, but then he turned to you and time stopped.

He watched with a smile as your eyes widened and your mouth parted slightly. He was so very handsome. His beard looked incredibly soft. His eyes were a brilliant blue and you were certain that you’d drown in them someday. He was your farmer, and here he was holding his hand out for you to take.

“I don’t understand,” you murmured as you took his hand.

“When you didn’t show up as expected, I had to go searching for you. We traveled the main road and found your carriage. Then, Anakin and I broke off to find you,” he explained.

“But I thought-”

“That I was a farmer,” he grinned, “I couldn’t put a target on my back when there was already one on yours. Traveling the way we did was better for all involved.”

“You could’ve told me,” you replied, squeezing his hand.

“I hadn’t seen you in years. I wanted to know you just as you are, and for you to know me in the same regard,” he replied, kissing your hand.

“And the name Ben?” you asked.

“A nickname from an old friend who lives in a cloister,” he explained.

“I love you,” you told him earnestly.

His hand came up to cup your cheek, “I love you, too, lass.”

The bishop cleared his throat in front of you and you both shared a wide grin before turning back towards him to finish the proceedings.

For the entire ceremony, you were thinking of the man standing next to you and how you knew that no matter what, everything would be alright. You recited your vows, exchanged your rings, and turned back towards each other.

“I now pronounce you man and wife. Your majesty, you may kiss your bride,” the bishop grinned.

Obi-Wan’s eyes trailed down your face towards your lips as his arm wrapped around your waist to pull you close. His other hand came up to tilt your face towards his. Gently, he stroked his thumb across your cheek.

You swallowed the lump in your throat as you settled your hands on his chest.

He leaned down to kiss you, pressing his lips against yours. To your surprise, he dipped you back, causing you to chuckle against his lips as he straightened the two of you out. Then, he scooped you up and carried you towards your castle so that you could live happily ever after.

#obi-wan kenobi #obi-wan fanfiction #obi-wan x reader #obi-wan x you #Obi-Wan x Fem! Reader #arranged marriage fic

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youngnari · 4 years ago

Text

Thicker Than Water // Ten

—Notes : t had been a long while since I started writing anything (pardon if this sucks), and I have a lot of things in my drafts right now that I have to continue. Uni had been overwhelming and recently my internship ended, hopefully I can write more before my next term starts. Overall, enjoy this short scenario I made and have a nice day ahead :)

—Wc : 7831 words

—Warning : honestly, none... I just wanted to write about Ten cause I love Ten, well we all love Ten.

—Pairing : childhood best-friend!Ten x female!reader

—Genre : a cup of fluff + a few dashes of angst

—Summary : Two childhood best-friends found it hard to confront their feelings for one another, until they grew apart;

When distance grew and time spent apart, love became stronger. After all, it is thicker than water.

“I love you, Ten”

Love is thicker than water. Your feelings wouldn’t easily be dissolved even after a few years of not seeing him.

And that’s when you knew, love is true.

Life decisions often come knocking on your door when you least expect them to. They are often buried in the form of steps, growth, and changes.

The life decisions you chose rarely caused any big changes in your life, although you were partially to blame for often wanting to play it too safe. Your life always revolved around the same people, all located in a similar environment. Your so-called childhood best-friend who lived just around the corner of your block, a brief five-minute walk. He played a big role in your life, similarly to your parents. You had known him since you were three, possibly longer; from bathing and swimming together naked in his kiddy pool his parents had set up in his backyard during summer time when you guys were four, to him freaking out when he noticed blood stains on your pajamas pants that you discarded into the laundry basket when you first hit puberty thinking you were dying due to some chronic disease, to the so-called first love and first heartbreak you ever received when you were in high school. The same person was always by your side.

Yes, you had chosen to fall in love with your childhood best-friend. And that was the first time you realized: sometimes the safest choice, isn’t so safe after all.

Cue – Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul, more commonly known as Ten.

You have seen Ten when he was doing his best, while Ten has seen you when you are doing your absolute worst. He often got straight A’s, a few A-‘s for Chemistry and Physics, and he was chosen as the lead dancer of the school’s dance team – mastering traditional and modern styles so goddamn well, yet you still thought he was the dumbest kid alive. Ten may be seen by many as the epitome of how every Asian kid should be, molded by their parent since young to be nothing but perfect. Ten was often envied by other parents, they hid it well in the form of praises thrown towards his parents, but they shrugged it off saying Ten always tried to do his best.

They weren’t wrong. You had seen Ten studying until late at night for mid-terms and finals, often resulting in the consumption of an unhealthy amount of energy drinks and coffee as he reached a certain limit. He usually started his homework and projects early to enable freedom in the last few days before the due date, giving him the leisure to not cram things up the night before, but late-night video games. He was simply organized, well prepared, and perfect.

You had known Ten for your entire life, and it didn’t seem like the end of high school would be the end of your friendship. Until one night when he came barging into your room straight from the graduation party his friend Kun had thrown, celebrating freedom as they broke the chain of education by graduating from high school.

You still remembered how your heart skipped a beat when he came in, his lean figure stood elegantly in your door frame. Ten looked at your figure buried under your blanket, your nightstand occupied with snacks and water, laptop on your lap, the screen the main source of light in the dimly lit room. He caught the sound of the actors speaking from your laptop, heavy Spanish and gunshots ringing heavily from the speakers. He smiled knowing you probably rejected Kun’s invitation to settle down at home and binge watch Netflix instead, once again hiding yourself from socializing with people.

He let himself in as his hand closed the door slowly, striding over across the room in large step, he took his seat beside you before snuggling into the blankets to watch the show with you. You swore you felt hot, trying your best to fight the blush creeping across your cheeks. It seemed okay at first, knowing the room was quite dark and the only source of light was from the changing scenes of La Casa de Papel that was playing in your laptop. You thought he might hear your loud heartbeat, yet the sound of gunshots and screaming thankfully covered the sound of the erotic thumps of your heart.

He let out a sigh.

You could smell his musky cologne mixed with a little of his sweat, the stench of alcohol from his breath, the smell of cigarettes from his clothes filling your room. You hummed a little, catching his attention in the process.

“Can you believe we graduated?” He began to speak, giving you a question that similarly went along the line of what now.

You smiled a little and nodded.

“It’s only high school, Ten. We still have a long way to go.” You said.

“No, you still have a long way to go.” He said, his eyes glinting, proud of your achievements in life.

Ten remembered the talk both of you had, the plans you hoped to complete once both of you graduated from high school. You had told him you wanted to pursue studying in engineering or food science, while him – Ten wanted to be an artist, a singer or performer on stage.

He noticed your eyes dim a little and he sighed. His arms circled around your shoulders, bringing your figure closer towards him. You felt his warmth almost immediately, suddenly craving for more and you found yourself scooching towards him. Ten didn’t mind; you had curled up next to each other every movie night since you were young. He felt your head leaning towards him, smelling the hint of vanilla and mint from the shampoo and conditioner you always used. He smiled.

“Are you still not going to tell me who’s the guy you fell for?” He asked you again.

Ten felt your body tense up for a while before slowly loosening up again. You swallowed a lump in your throat as your eyes shook despite trying your best to focus on your laptop screen.

You had told Ten regarding your discovery of love after he kept pestering you to start finding a match, to the point he asked his handful of friends to introduce new people for you and set you up on a blind date. You had yelled at him in frustration, revealing that the reason you didn’t want to find a guy to date was due to you having feelings for someone already. Never once did you explicitly tell him who the person was, in fear that an outcome you didn’t want may occur.

Ten believed in you and respected your privacy, opting to stay silent most of the time. That didn’t keep him from pestering you with questions about the so-called crush, although he didn’t expect you to answer.

“You’re still on about it?” You snapped back. He gave you that annoying grin of his and nodded.

“Are you still in love with that crush of yours then?” He persisted. This time, you smiled knowing he wasn’t going to back down.

“I am, since forever probably.” You answered.

One of the fears you had since you were young was the fear of being rejected; you were sure everyone had a similar fear like yours, deep down inside of them. You weren’t necessarily scared of the rejection; you were more scared of the aftermath from the rejection. You knew Ten liked you, but you weren’t so sure if he wanted you like you wanted him. your refusal to confess stemmed from one of two possible outcomes if you did; one – he accepts you and you start dating, which meant the best of both worlds. Two – you are rejected, resulting both of you drifting apart and becoming strangers despite having a friendship almost reaching two decades.

Ten, your best-friend who recently broke up with his ex-lover. Confessing to him this early would only be a suicidal move. His past lover, whom he broke up a few weeks before graduation. The reasoning behind it was quite simple, none of his lovers liked seeing him with you.

The way he looked at you dotingly, laughed at every dumb joke you gave, the way he tucked loose strands of hair behind your ear, and dropping everything that he was doing to be around you. You were confident to say that you were his number one, and you withstood the pain that came with every one of his relationships.

Because you knew that Ten would always come back to you, back into your arms.

But you are still scared of confessing to him, unaware of what exactly is going on in his mind. You didn’t want to lose Ten just like that, you fear of not having him in your life when you were already so used to seeing him around you, being with him 24/7.

Other than that, you were confused with Ten. He was unpredictable at times: most of the time. You didn’t know if he was giving you hints regarding his approach towards you. Because many told you that he treated you differently from how he treated others, you could see that.

Ten wasn’t so touchy around people he considered friends or close friends, but when it came to you, things from linking arms around one another, hugging in public, cuddling during movie nights, and him giving you a peck on the cheek at random moments. All obvious signs he favored you more compared to others. You carried it like a medal, knowing probably no one could ever replace your spot next to Ten.

But the other thing that bothered you so dearly was that he was your first kiss. Yes, Ten was your first kiss.

Enter: prom night, 3 days after graduation.

Ten ‘proposed’ to you a month before prom, getting you a bouquet of a single sunflower and peperoni pizza with extra cheese from your favorite pizzeria downtown during one of your Netflix marathons. You were surprised by his grand entrance, nevertheless you ignored it due to his unexpected behavior at times. You accepted the flower thinking it was nothing but a gift for your mother and eagerly took the warm pizza from his hands before going into your room. Just as you opened the pizza box, excited to reveal the greasy cheesy goodness from heaven above – you were left in shock, with your eyebrows shooting upwards, eyes widened, and mouth forming an big ‘O’ as you read the note plastered on the lid.

P R O M?

Others may think it was stupid or too cheesy to be considered a good plan; to you it was stupidly cheesy and you loved it. Even though the note was speckled with grease, you kept it to this day. You turned around to give your response, only to be faced with ten kneeling on one knee holding a sunflower corsage sitting comfortably in a clear plastic box surrounded by white baby’s breath, all tied with a black bow on top, his signature wrapping.

You stood there frozen, not knowing how to react to his sudden act. He grinned madly and laughed at your reaction, snapping you out from your trace.

“Is that a yes?” He asked, hopeful.

You laughed and nodded at him, knowing you would rather go to prom alone if it wasn’t with Ten.

“Great, I was scared you had a date with your crush.” Ten joked.

You thought about your answer for a while. You didn’t necessarily have anyone in mind to ask out as your prom date, as the only person who always came to mind was none other than Ten himself. You rejected a few people who came and asked you out, stating you had someone in mind as you looked at them sadly.

Ten on the other hand was the same, he didn’t have anyone in mind but you. Thinking to himself it was better to spend prom with someone who truly meant something to him rather than a random person he didn’t even know.

Hence, the proposal for prom.

“I think my crush has a date already, so it’s fine.” You shrugged off coolly. Ten smiled at you and nodded, relieved by the answer before he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“Aren’t you sad that another person is their partner for prom?” He asked again, this time curious.

“A little, but I feel like I don’t stand a chance with him.” You said, smiling sheepishly at the end.

“Then, we’ll show him what he’s missing out on then.” Ten stated proudly as he sent a wink towards you.

You smiled softly at him and nodded. He’s not going to miss out on much, you thought, losing your train of thought as Ten buried himself under your blanket, urging you to hurry up.

Prom rolled out faster than you expected it to. One morning you woke up in your old t-shirt and oversized loose cotton pants, lazing out in your bed till late afternoon. The next, you were up, showered and off to do your hair, pick up your prom dress, and pamper yourself for the whole day.

The once loose old t-shirt and oversized long cotton pants changed to an elegant long black dress which hugged your curves and showed off your figure. Your once messy hair was styled and smelled amazing, a simple long gold necklace draped across your collar bones, and the most dreaded part: the heels.

At 8PM sharp you heard the doorbell ring, signaling Ten’s arrival.

He came in looking like a prince. Ten was dressed in a black dress shirt, paired with formal pants that enhanced his long legs, his neck constricted with a black tie, it seemed like he was glowing under the dark fabric. You held your breath, noticing him grow more charming the more you laid your eyes at him.

Ten smiled when he saw your figure from the top of the stairs, reaching out a hand for you to take. Slowly you went down like the girls you often see in the cliché romcom series, taking his hand that was fully extended towards you.

Instantly you felt the rush of electricity, the warm skin embracing your cold hands. It felt right.

“You look amazing.” He said, smiling giddily like a child.

“And so do you.” You said back.

He slowly took out the corsage, slipping it on your wrist. You stared in awe at the contrast of the bright yellow flora wrapped around your wrist with a black ribbon between the black clothing you wore. You did the same for him, taking his part of the corsage and pinning it on the pocket near his chest, giving a bigger contrast against his pale skin and his black formal.

It seemed surreal but that night, you thought both of you were meant to be.

“Ready?” he asked.

You smiled, linking your arm with his as you hug his figure close to yours, wanting nothing but to savor the moment between the both of you.

That night, it was the first time you felt fairytales could be translated into real life.

It took you approximately two hours for your feet to completely die on you. You sat down on the row of empty chairs beside the long table filled with glorious food, a red cup of artificially flavored punch in your hand. You played around with it, occasionally your head bopped around to the music being played.

When the lights suddenly dimmed, you raised your head upwards to meet Ten’s. His forehead gleamed with sweat, hair disheveled, yet he ginned wider like nothing mattered.

“One last dance?” He asked, his hand extending for an invite, encouraging you to take it.

You knew your feet were dead, pierced under the heels. Yet you still smiled like it was nothing, nodding and taking his hand. He pulled you further into the crowd, taking your figure into his embrace. He turned around when he found a space, instinctively his hands circled around your waist. You could feel the warmth that radiated from his hand, the blast of the AC was nothing compared to his touch. You returned his grin with a smile, your hand circling around his neck.

That was enough for Ten to know you were comfortable, pulling you closer to him, closing the gap in between. Your eyes fluttered shut, your heart beating rapidly, seemingly wanting to break free from your ribcages and attack Ten. You smiled to yourself, fairytales can be real.

“I’ll get you Shake Shack if you let me in that head of yours.” You snapped your eyes open, looking at Ten’s gleaming ones.

“My thoughts are worth more than Shake Shack.” You snapped at him, he laughed.

“You’re thinking about that crush of yours?” He asked, tone soft as he gazed at you sadly.

“No.” you said without much thought.

“No?”

“My crush isn’t here” You lied. Ten hummed, nodding at your answer.

“Are you sad that your crush isn’t here?” He asked again. You shook your head, giving him a smile.

Ten leaned closer towards you. Your heart drummed to the point you could barely hear the music booming on the speakers, or the crowd chattering to oblivion. You closed your eyes, anticipating what he might do after. He placed a delicate kiss on your forehead, sighing silently at the end. You never knew what the meaning behind that sigh was, whether it was good or bad.

When he pulled away, Ten seemed fine. There weren’t any hidden emotions being spilled, there was only a wide goofy grin plastered on his feature. You had your hope in him confessing, but it seemed unlikely knowing Ten probably saw you as nothing but a dear friend.

It didn’t take him too long to snap out of his own world, pulling you away from the crowd towards the cool midnight air.

“Where are we going?” You blurted out.

Ten turned his head to face you, feet still pacing towards his parked car. His eyes squinted at yours, eyebrows furrowed. You knew he was silently judging you, especially since Ten was never a master in concealing his expressions.

“Midnight drive.”

You remembered the silence of the road during that ungodly late hour. No traffic jams, smooth ride, it went well. The night was dark, the only given light from the moon. You often found yourself glancing at Ten, amazed by his features.

You felt the car halt during a red light, its man-made neon lights flashing across his face, sculpting his features. You gazed in admiration at the result, thinking that he could be an exhibit displayed in an art museum.

“Stop staring or I’ll poke your eyes out.” He said. You turned away instantly, acted as if you weren’t ogling him.

Ten laughed at your behavior, he said nothing and proceeded to drive. He made a turn, and you found yourself in the drive-thru of McDonalds. It was still Prom and having McDonalds with a flashy tux and a bedazzled dress was a perfect way to end it.

Then Ten parked his car alongside the river, letting you eat whilst staring at the breathtaking view; you couldn’t ask for more. He rolled down the window and turned off the engine. You could feel the harsh rumble slowed down to nothing, allowing the soft rippling of the waves to replace it. Ten rummaged through the paper bag, taking out the food. He passed you your order and you quickly munched on one of the fries. Ten opened his mouth, making some random sounds to get your attention. You took one of the fries and put it in his gaping mouth. He hummed in satisfaction.

“I want the Mcflurry!” You demanded

Ten rolled his eyes at you but still he complied, giving you the dessert. You smiled at the melting dessert, taking a fry and dipping it inside the cup. You moaned at the taste; how you loved the contrasting taste of salty with the sweetness.

“Give me one!” Ten stated. You nodded, scooping some of the sweet flurry on the fry. Passing it to Ten, you could only hope it didn’t spill anywhere. You felt a little of it drip on your hand, yet you paid no attention towards it. Ten bit down and chewed.

You were about to pull your hand away and wipe the spilled ice cream, but Ten held you in place. Taking your hand in his, he latched his lips on your hand. You could feel him giving little kitten licks, cleaning the marked area. You felt yourself grow hot, blushing at the sudden intimacy from him. When Ten raised his head, he noticed the color of your face turning a few shades of pink and smiled to himself.

“Are you flustered?” He asked

You wanted to slap him. Before you could do much, you felt his grip on your wrist tighten. Ten pulled you closer towards him, the impact enough to send you toppling towards him. You yelped in surprised, Ten smiling at your confused state.

Both of your faces were inches from one another, just one nudge was enough to send your lips flying towards his. You felt your face grow hotter; his smirk prominent on his face. You knew Ten was doing nothing but tease, but a small part of you did hope he would lean forward. You saw the glint of mischief glimmer in his pupils, his hot breaths hitting your cheeks, but he was still as composed as ever.

“Did you expect anything?” He asked with a smirk on his face.

“Screw you, Ten.” You hissed out, stumbling on your words.

He let out a small chuckle, amused by your choice of comeback. Ten leaned forwards, finally closing the gap in between. You felt your heart leap when his lips touched yours, delicate at first before it became more needy. You sighed a little into the kiss, it was enough for Ten to continue. He pressed himself towards you, deepening the kiss. When he pulled away, he stared at you in awe. Your hazy eyes and your flustered face, accompanied by your whole body gasping for air, he thought you looked breathtaking.

He licked his lips, tasting the artificial cherry lip gloss you wore. He hummed in content, bliss even.

The next thing happened in a snap. The words that you always kept to yourself, never once slipping out. They were always deep inside, locked in a chest, key thrown into oblivion. In a snap, everything stumbled out without your control.

“I love you, Ten” And his eyes widen by your confession.

***

That happened 2 years ago.

You had always been safe in your life choices, in hope to ensure the safest outcome in the future. You tried your best to succeed in school, got into a decent college, and managed to find an average part time job as a librarian on your campus ground. You had thought if you choose your path wisely, it was easier for you to survive in life.

Ten proved you wrong.

You had always thought falling for Ten would eventually lead you to another stage in life, to finally settle down. You envisioned him not only as your life-long best friend, but also had the hope to be a potential lover.

You loved Ten, truly. But he made you realize that sometimes the safest decisions weren’t so safe after all.

After Prom, he drove you back home without a second thought. He walked you to the door, let you settle in the house before leaving. You had thoughts that Ten might leave you after the whole kiss situation, but he didn’t.

The next morning, he texted you again, to check up if you were feeling okay or up for another day out. You remembered declining, stating you were too tired from coming back so late – which was true. It was still fine, perfect.

You had always thought Ten would realize how head over heels you were for him. It seemed impossible for anyone to be that dense, moreover he was always there around you. You remembered smiling rigidly when you noticed his expression.

His eyes widened; mouth slightly agape like a fish on the surface. You felt his hands shake a little, you felt it on your skin. Ten stuttered out his words, stumbling here and there not being able to fully form a complete sentence.

You had never seen him like that.

Ten called you the next morning, and you still had your hopes for your feelings to be reciprocated. Instead, he only replied you with—

“I am sorry, for everything. It was the heat of the moment, I got carried away”

You didn’t know what hurt more. A rejection; it was cruel, and it hurt, but you knew Ten wouldn’t lie to you even if his life depended on it. Or the fact he disappeared straight after; Ten wasn’t there the next time you tried to contact him, no calls, no texts, nothing.

You knew Ten’s dreams; he spoke about them countless time during your high school days. He wanted to perform in front of thousands, to show his passion and love for his art. You supported him; you knew his potential.

You had seen him practicing, dancing and singing till late at night. Often mad at him for not taking care of himself, being that friend who helped him to pass all his subjects, to a mother who always brought him meds and food to ensure he was eating well.

You cared for Ten, too much sometimes.

The moment he told you he didn’t want to go to university, you didn’t know how to react. Ten brushed your expression off and stated that going to university together or not, he would still be the same Ten you know and grew up with.

He didn’t keep his promise.

You cried a few times, feeling lost for the sudden loss in your life. You heard from your parents that you would meet people like Ten once you entered university; you wanted to believe them. They meant no harm, not wanting to see you cry. But you knew you couldn’t possibly believe every word they said.

Ten was one of a kind, and you still loved him.

Each day dragged on longer than before. You had never felt the overwhelming emptiness, the lack of notifications from him. It felt empty.

You had never felt the loss and emptiness, until you felt him slip out of your life.

He left no traces. His room still the same, sheets still tucked neatly. But his scent was weak, it wasn’t him. It took you quite a while before you could finally accept his absence in your life, Ten had his own life now.

Yet, even after all of that—you were still in love with him.

It was another typical day for you. Finishing classes on campus you ran to the library to start your shift. You went to check your attendance on the board and proceeded to the main desk to settle down. You sighed a little, calming down your racing heart from the small sprint you did.

You took one of the books on the desk, looking at the books to be returned and due for the day. You hummed in acknowledgement before placing it back down. Taking your laptop and papers from earlier lectures, you started doing your own work. It was a few hours of silence in the library. People came and went, coming up to ask for books, information, or just to return and borrow books for the remaining days. It wasn’t a hassle, as in only took you a short while to complete each task, then you were back doing your work once again.

It was a few minutes to closing time. You started packing up your things, putting each chair back in its original position, checking the remaining books that had been returned for the day or for any remaining people who were still roaming around the area. You were about to switch off the power and call it a day until the door opened, calling for your attention. You lifted your head to confront the new incomer, slightly annoyed to see people still dared to come in despite it was already closing time.

“I’m sorry, the library is closed for the—” You halted. It was as if the words stopped forming, your voice stopped functioning.

The familiar figure who had been beside you your entire life. From when he was a literal infant, growing to a rowdy teenager, and now a grown man. He remained the same, only a few changes. His skin was still as pale as ever, a real-life interpretation of Snow White. His dark locks and orbs, the pair of eyes you would let yourself get drawn into. You noticed he was a little skinnier, his eyes a little sunken. But his smile, his smile was still as bright as ever.

“T-Ten” You stuttered his name. Feeling odd by the sudden familiar yet unfamiliar name that had to roll out of your tongue.

“I’m back, love” Your heart swooned.

***

You bit down on the fries, feeling the familiar taste of salt hitting your taste buds. You sighed in bliss, knowing this was all you need after ending your campus and work life.

You turned your head, looking at Ten who was still rummaging through the paper bag for his designated order. He pulled out a burger, unwrapped it, and dug in. You chuckled a little at his hunger, especially when he left out a small moan.

“Did they not feed you?” You laughed.

Ten tried not to talk, chewing faster to swallow and answer your question.

“I had to go through a diet woman, let me enjoy the love of my life.” He said.

You were back at the same place after prom two years ago. In his car, takeout on both of your laps. The only thing that made it different was where the takeout was from. Instead of going through Mcdonalds, Ten got both of you Shake Shack. The promise he made two years ago but was never fulfilled because he was a broke high schooler.

You dipped the fries in one of your milkshakes, munching and groaning in bliss. Ten opened his mouth, whining a little to gain your attention. Like usual, you dipped the salty grease in the sweet dairy, delivering it to his mouth.

“How’s life now?” You asked him. His hand offered out the bitten burger in his hand and you took it, taking bites from it as you waited for him to answer.

“It was hard. But I survived, I’m here.” He said, laughing in the process.

There was a small moment of silence, neither of you spoke. You took small sips from your milkshake while Ten was munching away on his burger. You kept on glancing at Ten, a distant gaze in your eyes. There were a lot of questions in your mind, still spinning and left unanswered. Ten noticed the glances you threw at him, noticed how you gazed upon him with concern and curiosity, but also fear as if he might disintegrate once your eyes leave him.

“Are you staying?” You asked. Ten stopped, ears ringing a little.

You didn’t hear from him for a moment. Nervously, he would divert his attention from his food towards the view. He cleared his throat, looking at you a little before placing his unfinished food back in the paper bag.

“Let’s… go to your place. Netflix like usual?” He said.

You froze, not knowing how to process the whole situation. Lost without much thought, you mindlessly nodded at him. Just like that, he pulled back and drove to your apartment. Ten followed the GPS as it led him further into your neighborhood. You had no idea what was running through his mind, his facial expressions impossible to read, consumed in his deep thoughts.

Ten never realized how two years could change someone so drastically. You were out from your parents’ house, renting a decent apartment near your campus, filling your empty time with part time jobs. He had seen the way you interacted with people, the way you would smile or sometimes joke with them caught him off guard. Especially since he knew how socially awkward and shy you used to be with strangers; he found it amusing.

When you unlocked the door, opening it wide to welcome him into your personal space, Ten silently went in. You rushed to the kitchen and took a glass of water, gulping it down to quench the dryness of your throat. Ten helped himself, taking a new glass and filled it. You directed him towards your room, taking the historical laptop you’ve had since high school, allowing him to start the show as you washed up.

Ten heard the small noise from the closing door. His eyes glued at your retreating figure, sighing when he saw you being swallowed by the other room.

He hadn’t meant to ignore and go missing, he had dreams. Ten would always feel guilty for suddenly disappearing without any context, it was all due to his own contract within his company. Ten had spent the last few years locked up, practicing in order to achieve his dreams of becoming a successful performer. Other than that, Ten’s mind wandered towards you.

He thought about the kiss.

Remembering every single luscious moment of it, playing in his mind like a broken record. He still felt his heart beating like crazy, thinking he lost his chances when you exposed your crush around him but never once telling him who the crush was. He thought it was a stage in life where he was losing you, seeing you slip away between his fingertips. Hence, he restrained. Ten opted to be more cautious around you, fearing his attachment might go wilder.

The growing distance taught him a lot of things. How much more capable you were in life, how you were okay without him in your life. He thought he didn’t have the chance, he lost you during the process.

Ten was in love with his best-friend, with you, since forever.

He had his fair share of stages when he fell in love. The problem was he failed to realize that he had already been in love with you since you were young. Ten was in denial, opting to run away from you. Thinking how impossible it was to fall for his own best-friend, someone who was always there, and someone who was always there to look after him despite how he came back into your life so abruptly.

Ten ran away. He thought if he dated someone else, the feeling would go away. He thought wrong.

Every single person he dated had been nothing but odd. They never gave him the same joy, rush of adrenaline whenever he was around you. Their touch felt foreign on his skin, he found himself wanting to feel your touch on him forever, longing for it every time you pulled away from him. He didn’t feel butterflies from his given nicknames from his past ex-lovers, but the butterflies swarmed him when you called him an idiot or plainly by his name. You had made him crazy, and he wasn’t hating you for it.

Ten was in love, but he was scared to admit it. He opted to run away, thinking the feelings would go away eventually. He thought it was simple, he was only too attached to you, to the point he could only think about you. He went missing, gone without giving any news of his departure towards you.

But the more he ran, the more he felt the longing feelings reaching out towards you. Wanting nothing but to be enveloped in your embrace, dumb conversations late at night, random movie nights till dawn. But he also had the idea of having you as his partner, his lover, his partner in crime, his everything. He wanted you in his life, yet he feared losing you might be easier if it happened.

The growing distance only made him want you more, miss you more. He noticed love wasn’t so simple, it wasn’t easy to get rid of. Unlike water where you can wipe it off without leaving any stain—love, is thicker than water.

“Hey.” He called out when you walked out of the bathroom, hair damp from your shower. You perked up at his voice, snapping your head towards him, fully giving him your attention.

“Let’s hang out after your class, tomorrow.” Ten stated, or more like demanded. You nodded.

A month since you last saw him, Ten started entering your life once again. He made it seem like nothing ever happened, as if the two years was nothing but a short two weeks break.

Ten didn’t show you any sign of awkwardness or hesitation, he straight up jumped right in.

It was becoming more frequent. Meeting him after class or after work, getting dinner together, him accompanying you during tests weeks, bringing you coffee or sending you off to campus in the morning.

Desperation, exhaustion, and longing.

He felt as if he was always there, as if he never had left. But that two-year gap would never be filled. It was an endless void, consuming both of you, testing you, and pushing both of you to see who would break first.

Both of you broke at the same time.

“Was it really the heat of the moment that led you to kiss me?” You started the conversation. He had brought you to the nearest coffee shop in hopes of accompanying you in finishing your assignment. You, on the other hand, had other things in mind than the given project.

It had bugged you the moment Ten came back, the moment he came into your life once again as if he was never away.

You took your eyes away from your laptop, gazing at Ten who was avoiding your gaze. His eyes wandered around the small café, memorizing the minimal interior, enjoying the warm vibe the space portrayed, then he finally rested his eyes on yours.

“No.” He said.

“You lied.” You said. For the first time in his life, Ten lied to you.

Ten smiled sheepishly, shaking his head a little, amused by your unending questions. You waited for his answer, patiently you waited for him to speak first, continuing to type away on your laptop.

“I’m sorry for disappearing.” Ten spoke out. You hummed at his answer, letting him know none of it mattered. You were more than ecstatic seeing him back, those two years was erased or seemed like they ceased to exist.

“Were you afraid of something, Ten?” You asked him again. Ten didn’t voice out his answer, but from the look of shock in his eyes, you knew.

“It’s me.” You said as your eyes gazed at him sadly.

Ten felt his heart hammer, how it plummeted when he noticed the hurt in your eyes. He groaned internally; everything, it was all his fault.

“You were running away from me.” You stated. Ten didn’t answer, he swallowed the lump in his throat, feeling how dry it had gotten.

“You knew, I like you. That I’m in love with you.” You said. He winced at the confession, felt the desperation in your voice as you spoke.

“I love you, Y/N. I love you but I was scared.” He whispered out, soft and only audible towards you.

You abruptly stood up, taking all your belongings into your hand. Hugging all of them desperately, struggling to fit them all in the small space of your arms. You rushed your movements, dashing out of the café, you were sure you probably had made a scene, especially with Ten running out straight after to catch you.

“Listen, please.” He said desperately, heart drumming louder in fear.

You pulled away from him, causing your books and papers to fly out of your hands and land on the ground. You crouched down quickly, stuffing them sloppily into your bag. You knew Ten was still there, crouched to help you gather your stuff. You could feel his gaze run around from the ground to you, most likely with concern and fear.

“I’m sorry.” You snapped your head upwards and look at him.

Ten could feel his heart shatter. The red eyes, puffy and ready to cry, your whole body was already shaking due to the rush of emotions and adrenaline. The mixed-up feelings and longing were consuming you, never had you felt alone in a room filled with people, where all eyes were trained on you and Ten.

“Cut the crap, Ten.” You hissed out, tears streaming down your face, dropping to the ground.

“I should’ve told you—”

“You should’ve stayed! You left me, alone for two years without telling! Two years, Ten!” You snapped, feeling the tears flow down. One then another, it was a continuum by now.

“I was selfish, I didn’t know what was going through my mind. I’m truly sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt—”

“Ten.” You choked out, stopping him abruptly.

“Why?” He asked. You looked at him, confused.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you like me?” He asked again. You shook your head a little, a little in disbelief at his pushy behaviour by now.

“Because of you!” You snapped out and ran.

You didn’t care if Ten was tailing you from behind, trying to stop you. All you wanted was to run away from him, be alone for once. Ten didn’t have the right to pry into your life, not knowing how much you had sacrificed for him, and he decided to come back as if nothing even mattered.

His calls and texts were constant, coming into your phone with no end. You were bombarded with his spams, words of concern, plead for forgiveness, everything. You shunned away from Ten, afraid to meet him after the whole incident, fearing you might hate him if you did see him once again.

It took him another month before he showed up, on your front door of your apartment. You had the thought of him barging in, like those scenes from romcom movies where the guy fight for the girls’ love. Instead, Ten had his hands on the spare keys you gave him when he came back, easily slipping in without making any damage. Like the night after graduation, he stood around the doorframe elegantly. Tall and lean figure leaning on the sleek wood, eyes piercing around yours, lips pressed into a thin line as he was unsure of his next act.

“Do you want to get lunch?” He asked. You could hear his voice shake, causing it to come out like a mere whisper.

You wanted to throw him off, lock yourself further into your apartment, you did none of those. Instead you gave him a simple nod, and that was enough for him to pull you out of your own bubble once again.

***

“A rebound.” You said.

Your gaze rested on your food in your hand, playing with it with your utensils as you listened to his blabbering. Ten sighed a little and shook his head softly, both finding it hard to eat. He brought takeout once again, both of you locked in his car facing the Han river once again, but in broad daylight with his AC blasting.

“I didn’t want you to be a rebound, I was confused.” He said.

“I thought it was impossible if I fell in love with my own best-friend, you were there since…everything! And I thought if we did date, things will fell and I will lose you far easily!”

“Have you ever thought what I wanted?” You asked him, turning your body to face his direction. Ten swallowed a lump on his throat, shakes his head a little.

“Ten, I love you. I still do and that night I thought we had something.”

“I was scared, I was a coward. I didn’t realise that I’ve been in love with you for so long, and I chose not to acknowledge it!” He said, frustrated at this point. You stayed silent, listening to him this time.

“I thought liking you wasn’t going to work out, it scared me. And I chose to run away dating these people I don’t even feel much, thinking that my feelings will change. But oh wow, you are so fucking addicting.” He groaned; a hand ran up his face to his hair in frustration.

“You got me crazy, thirsting for you every single time you weren’t there. Everything wasn’t the same without you around me, Y/N. I came to realise that all too late.” You smiled a little.

Ten caught that small grin of yours, not knowing fully if it’s a bad or good reaction. Your smile widens more, breaking into a Cheshire grin and then you proceeded to laugh. At this rate, Ten was either scared or confused, but he waited patiently until you finished.

“I guess that two years long break was enough for us to clear our mind up” You stated.

Ten didn’t say much first, thinking about it for a while. When he caught the small gaze you direct at him, he knew he had to say something.

“Like what people said, distance makes the heart grows fonder. They weren’t wrong, it was odd not having you around me, and it made me realise a lot of things.” He said.

“And what are those things?”

“That no one can replace you, that you will be that only person I’ll truly love and long for.” Ten said, softly gaze upon you.

Two years. As distance grow and both of you grew older, maturing into adults, those were enough to make both of you realise how despite distance can change a lot of things, both still longs for the similar person. The touch they had lingering around, the smile that will light up your day, the voice which rang around your ears, the name that was enough to give you a surge of butterflies.

The growing time and distance weren’t enough to pull both of your feelings away. He kissed you that day, with meaning. Soft and delicate, afraid he might break you if he put more pressure. You could feel his tears running from his eyes, knowing too well he was tired, emotionally drained. You smiled in the kiss, pulled him in for more, wanting more. You loved him, he loved you.

And for the first time, both of you thought the whole world revolves around you. That was enough to make things official.

Two years, as time passed and distance grew.

Both of your feelings still remained the same, after all love is thicker than water.

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lovelikedestiny · 3 years ago

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5. Andy: Your heart which was mine

I promise to give you love and more,

to worship this present of the divine.

Though Andy has been waiting for it ever since they knew what fucking Kozak did to Nicky, she doesn't feel armed in the slightest when Joe opens his mouth. She has sent Nile to get them coffee at the airport while they wait for their flight to be called. Next to her, only Joe, her right hand, her brother, her support, is leaning against the hood of the car. His presence is infinitely familiar to her and yet this familiarity is now frayed at the edges and peppered with splinters that don't let her forget what is at stake.

Everything.

More than Andy ever hoped. More than she ever wanted.

Even though she has to maintain her composure as their leader because her team is relying on Andy to lead them out of it, she feels nothing but fear as soon as Joe starts talking.

It is not the fear that sharpens the senses through adrenaline and enables you to do things that you wouldn't have expected of yourself before. That fear is on the other end of the spectrum. It is dull and hidden, digs deep into her guts, paralyzes her, weakens her. And Andy can't be weak.

Not now.

Not now, when it is more important than ever to keep her family together, with all her strength. It is almost the bitter irony of fate that Joe and Nicky, her oldest friends and companions, are now threatened with the same loss they helped her get through back then. When the ocean took her Quynh.

Quynh in exchange for Nicky.

The passionate flame for the soothing moonlight.

Her love for her baby brother.

Andy has never in her life hated fate as much as at this moment, because it is not fair that Nicky of all people - who always insists on destiny and their doing good - shall be so disappointed by his belief. And that she should lose him and Joe in exchange for Quynh.

She resigned herself to never seeing Quynh again, hoping that Quynh was dead because the idea was easier to bear than that of Quynh suffering never-ending agony in her wet grave. There is not a moment in her life when her heart did not bleed from loss and the painful lack of love. Quynh's necklace on her neck is a constant reminder of her failure. And now Quynh is out and it seems that Andy is not only on the verge of losing her forever, but also losing her hold on Joe and Nicky.

Andy can't stand the thought that her Quynh, the sharp-tongued, stubborn, bright, cheerful woman who fought at her side for centuries, was distorted by the salt and drowned by the dark water. That the person she fell in love with has changed so much through her terrible fate that they are even told to stay away from Quynh. Have to stay away. To protect their family.

But precisely because of the deep affection, the love for a person does not just disappear and is not tied to a single character trait, Andy finds it infinitely difficult not to look for Quynh. Even if Quynh is no longer who she once was, Andy has never stopped loving her and abandoning her soulmate after she is finally free, is like a splinter in a wound that could finally heal but is prevented by it.

I'll find you, Quynh, Andy has promised herself in her head every night since that discussion, swallowing the lump in her throat, blinking away the burning tears and continuing to do what she does best: survive.

Wait for me, my lost love.

But Andy knows Quynh's wild, unbridled temperament and even if she refuses to believe Nile's and Booker's words that Quynh could direct this anger against her family, Nicky's condition prevents her from taking that risk.

Nile, Booker and Copley would have no chance against Quynh. Nicky and Joe together for sure, but Nicky is so sick it's scary and Joe is just eager to protect him. The truth is that Andy could never forgive herself if Nicky was seriously hurt because Andy let her feelings blind her and misjudged the situation. Just as Joe would not forgive her if her wrong decision caused Nicky damage that could not be undone.

Usually, Joe is quick to forgive and cannot hold a grudge for long. There is not the slightest bit of this kind of forgiveness in Joe left, however, if anyone intentionally harms Nicky in any way, or if it could have been avoided.

Especially with this serum that makes Nicky's immortality go crazy and takes him in front of their eyes, Joe is more than ever like a wild animal that has been pushed into a corner and still wants to defend its partner at all costs.

And fuck, Andy herself is no different. She hardly dares to take her eyes off Nicky and thus also Joe and this fear, this restlessness when she cannot see or hear Nicky and Joe, is more than atypical for her.

She wants to take Nicky, sweet, kind Nicky, in her arms and protect him from all bad things, which chose Nicky to be its victim. She wants to elicit rumbling laughs from Joe and reassure Booker that his family is there for him. She wants to be a role model for Nile, and more than anything, she wants to taste Quynh's lips again.

Still, all she sees when she closes her eyes is the blood Nicky vomited in Copley's sink the first time, and Joe's panic when he begged her to tell him what to do. The same helplessness she felt then just leaves a bitter, gall-like taste in her mouth.

"If...If...If...” Joe starts several times, his tongue clumsily stumbling over the sounds to be formed and Andy feels every single letter like a small but no less painful cut in her skin. Joe never has any problems finding the right words and Andy wants to strangle the life out of Kozak's body with her bare hands. For giving her boys so much pain and letting them become ghosts of themselves.

"If it goes wrong and we can't find a cure and Kozak still has more of the serum, I'll take it too." His eyes are fixed on the small sketchbook in his hands, in which he is scribbling senselessly. In contrast to his uncertain looks, his voice sounds steady and Andy knows that Joe has already made this decision for himself. Just like Nicky knows.

Take care of him, Andy. A cold hand in hers, fingers that use bows and sniper rifles, wrapped around her wrist, weak as blades of grass. I know him. He will find a way to follow me should all hopes be lost. I want you to take care of him.

But how is she supposed to do that if she can't take care of Nicky too?

The premonition that the two of them could someday be doomed by their close bond was always there, and yet they continued to fight at Andy's side. For the good in the world, to do something good. Using their immortality to help others. Andy is not ready to let it end this way and let Kozak win. To let her take her boys because they only come in two.

“I know,” she says, suddenly feeling so tired. Tired of the constant struggle they wage because no one else can and the weight on their shoulders with everyone they cannot save. Tired of the pain and exertions to which they expose themselves to contribute a drop in the ocean and with which they burden their souls. Tired of getting nothing repaid except the greedy, profit-oriented intentions of selfish people who got them into this situation. Kozak should burn in hell with Merrick and Keane and all the other assholes in the world. And she will.

Andy herself will make sure of that.

"You're not going to talk me out of it?" Joe continues to look at his hands and suddenly Andy wants him to look at her with his soft, warm, deep eyes. Because she wants to make sure that he is still with her, in flesh and blood, no matter how much pain his gaze will show her.

"I doubt I could," she replies quietly, shifting her weight so that their arms touch. The cold morning air is crystal clear and makes her shiver, but Andy welcomes the cold, as well as the numbness it brings and dampens her emotions. "And I would never ask it of you." Never ask of you to fight without a heart.

She remembers the tearing feeling inside her when Quynh was dragged out of her cell very well. As if her heart had been torn from her chest and her voice, which was broken with screaming and screeching. If she had had the chance then to end her life without Quynh, she might even have done it. Who can say that now? It is not in her power to deny Joe what she longed for in the days after Quynh's disappearance. Not when the worst should happen.

She owes it to Joe and Nicky that she is where she is today. Her brothers helped her search for Quynh to the point of exhaustion, shared her torment, reminded her of the good in the world that is worth fighting for. However, the fact is that Andy cannot cope with such a loss again.

Lykon's death was a severe blow, the loss of Quynh brought her to her knees, but Nicky's death...no, Andy wouldn't be able to give Joe enough comfort and support, and she doubts that Booker's and Nile's would be enough.

Because Nicky and Joe have never been alone, have never known anything other than the presence of the other. I can't separate them.

"All I can think about is that when we found you after they got Quynh, there was a spark of relief in all the shock and horror. Because...Because it wasn't him. And I know it's unfair and selfish. But I was so grateful it wasn't Nicky. Because it was clear to me deep down that I couldn't live in any world in which he did not walk the earth.”

The feelings of guilt that she reads in his mirrors of soul are more cruel than any pain and she grips his neck and pulls him to her. She feels no judgment within herself, no anger at Joe's words, just deep understanding and sadness.

Joe lets himself be guided without resistance and puts his arms around her, his face safely hidden at the crook of her neck. His strong shoulders, which have to carry so much, tremble, but Andy knows that Joe doesn't cry.

That's why she took Joe with her and not Booker. Booker is without a doubt an extremely capable fighter alongside his gadgets and explosives skills. However, there is one thing he lacks: the firm, wild determination to win, evoked by the prospect of losing Nicky forever. Andy needs this ferocity, this frenzied strength of a desperate man, because they only have one try and cannot fail. She will do by any means to guarantee that.

"I know," she says again, closing her eyes and breathing with Joe. “And you don't have to feel guilty about it. If it had been the other way around, I would have felt the same way."

Joe clings to her and Andy makes no move to break the hug that is supposed to give both of them strength. "I don't want to let you down, but if Nicky d-dies..." The word sounds choked and rough. “...Booker will mourn, and Nile too, and you...too. But you will be able to cope with it and carry on and that is impossible for me.”

You're wrong, Andy wants to tell him. I can't. Not again.

But she swallows what is on her tongue and does what is expected of a leader. She keeps going even when she loses soldiers. “You won't let us down. You two don't, Joe. Neither will we let you down. Never.” She's glad Joe can't see her face. The tears in her eyes would have given her away.

“Whatever happens, we are with you. Until the end,” she assures him and briefly increases her grip. Maybe that's her punishment. Because she has stopped looking for Quynh and could finally get her back, Nicky slips through her fingers. She could never have made such an exchange.

"Until the end," Joe repeats and Andy releases him. It's the crooked little grin, painstakingly maintained, that almost breaks her. “Who would have thought you could give speeches like that, boss? I should make you emotional more often.”

"Don't you dare, idiot!" She punches him on the shoulders and sees Nile approaching them with three coffee cups.

Continue reading on AO3 ;)

#the old guard #fanfiction #tears on marble face #chapter five #Andy #Joe #Nile #Booker #Copley

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witchymarvelspacecase · 4 years ago

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Alternate Endgame

Summary: Fuck Endgame. Reader has precognitive abilities and we’re gonna fix this stupid movie.

Warnings: Cursing, endgame spoilers, maybe some tears?, fluff

WC: 4816

AN: It took me for-fucking-ever, and it is CRAZY long, but here it is.

Forever love to @writingwithadinosaur for CONTINUING to put up with my empty promises to write.

You woke with a start; heaving deep breaths that just couldn’t seem to fill your lungs. You were coated in a sheen of cold sweat. It had been months-- no, years since you'd had a premonition that strong, and you were more than a little shaken.

Not thinking you reached over for the man sleeping beside you, but your fingers only met cool sheets. Of course they did. It had been 5 years since Sam had… disappeared, he wouldn’t simply reappear in your bed because you’d had a vision. No matter how much you wanted him to.

Before Thanos, Sam had been there for you. You’d started as teammates, then friends, then more. Sam was everything. He was sweet, funny, and loyal. The fact that he was gorgeous certainly didn’t hurt either. He’d helped you process your visions. He’d hold you, press kisses to your temple, and let you talk through what happened if you could. If you couldn’t he was more than up to distract you. God you missed him. You missed his touch, you missed his voice, missed the tiny birds he’d draw on your mirror, or mission paperwork, or the small bird figurines he’d hide throughout your room. It hurt even more intensely, waking from a vision after so long, and finding him still gone.

As moments passed, and your breathing became less panicked, your mind began to clear, and details of your vision slowly, but clearly came back. Pain, a lot of pain, and death. There was hope, you thought for a second that you’d heard Sam’s voice… but there was so much risk involved. And the deaths you saw… you couldn’t take anymore death.

FUCK no. You wouldn’t let it happen like that. No way.

Knowing that sleeping again would be impossible, you dragged yourself out of bed, intending to make coffee, but paused at your bedroom door. Turning abruptly, you walked instead to your closet. Reaching onto the top shelf, you pulled down a large zip top bag with a few of Sam’s sweatshirts inside. You pulled one out and quickly re-sealed the bag. Bringing the fabric to your face and inhaling the lingering scent of detergent, cologne, and Sam, had fresh tears springing in your eyes. But it also brought a sense of determination, and confidence.

Sam was with you. He wasn’t gone permanently, and he believed in you. He loved you.

Pulling the sweatshirt over your PJs, you left your room with a new sense of purpose.

…

The Aether; the reality stone. One of 6 infinity stones that had enabled Thanos’s snap. It had been given to the collector many years ago, and it was your only hope.

Of course, that was assuming that the rest of your team figured out the whole time travel thing.

Exhaling, you shook your head in disbelief. Time travel.

Aliens, gods, titans, and now time travel.

Before Carol had brought Tony and Nebula back, time travel would have been as ridiculously out of reach as it sounded. But with Tony back? You could see time travel being a distinct possibility, and a quick one.

Tony was refusing to help, which hurt, but you understood. He didn’t want to risk losing his daughter. Given how life seemed to take from Tony, his resistance made sense. Were Morgan your daughter, you wouldn’t risk her either.

Although, caution didn’t sit well with Tony Stark. You had a feeling he would be unable to keep himself from at least trying to work out time travel now that he had an idea. He would try, and probably tweak his equation until it functioned flawlessly.

Tony would figure it out. And when he did, he would feel obligated to help; he wouldn’t be able to keep the knowledge that the team needed away from them. That meant you needed to learn as much as you could about the Aether before Tony figured out time travel. If it were anyone else, you would have had plenty of time.

Your original plan, to ask Thor, was a non-starter. The god of thunder had been through the fucking ringer. Honestly, you were shocked he was doing as well as he was. As soon as you could, you planned to sit with him awhile. Nothing invasive, but you got the feeling he wanted to talk, but didn’t know where to start.

Dr. Banner was able to fill in some blanks for you, but not enough.

Thankfully, once you were able to contact him, Wong was a veritable treasure trove of information. He was able to walk you through the process of using an infinity stone, being that he was the only one left alive who had done so in the past. Or, almost the only one.

“Rocket,” you called. The small creature had been across the room, talking to Thor, but came over as you waved him to you. “I need your help.”

“With what?” he seemed genuinely curious, and then a little taken aback when you began to explain.

“I’m not sure you’ve been told what I can do,” you began. When Rocket shook his head, you explained your premonitions.

“And these visions are always accurate?” he asked, his furry little face serious.

“Yes. The visions are accurate, but meant as a warning. So far, when I have interfered, the future has been altered, and whatever I’d seen could be avoided.” Then, you proceeded to tell him about the future you’d seen in your most recent vision. “I can’t- I won’t lose any more of my family, Rocket. This plan I have, I- it will work, but I need your help.” Your expression was beseeching.

The raccoon didn’t ponder long though. “What’d’ya need?”

“I need you to tell me as much as you can remember about when Quill held the infinity stone, and when we have to go and retrieve the fucking things, I need you to help me get a specific one.”

Luckily, Rocket was willing to trust you. Something told you he didn’t trust easily, especially not when what you were telling him couldn’t be proven one way or another, but he’d lost a lot of people too. It seemed he was ready to take a chance.

When it came time to be split into groups to collect the stones, Rocket helped to ensure you were on the team with him and Thor, headed to Asgard.

Next step. Rock climbing practice, a lot of it.

…

“Bruce, I need a favor.” You crossed your fingers, hoping he didn’t ask too many questions regarding your request.

Though Rocket knew a good portion of your plan, he didn’t know all of it. The fewer people who knew, the better. It wasn’t easy to convince Bruce to give you the extra pym particle. You’d stopped Scott from accidentally using one up, so there was one left, but Bruce was hesitant to give it to you. It wasn’t until your eyes began to water and your voice began to crack that Bruce caved; he couldn’t handle tears. Though you hadn’t planned to cry, it had worked in your favor.

Actually, the hard part was getting Bruce to keep his mouth shut about you having the extra particle. Bruce had a hard time lying to anyone. You needed everyone as in the dark as possible, especially Clint and Natasha, or your plan wouldn’t work.

…

“See you in a minute,” Natasha said with a smile. You gave a smile back, hoping it didn’t appear strained and took a deep breath before “jumping” to Asgard, ten years in the past.

Thor was thoroughly distracted, with good reason, so it was a good thing you had Rocket on your side.

“I hope you know what you’re doin’,” Rocket grumbled as you took the carefully contained Aether from him.

“You and me both,” you replied quietly.

“Good luck.”

You gave him a small smile before triggering your suit.

…

You appeared just far enough back that Nat and Clint didn’t hear you, but close enough that you could see them heading up one side of the mountain. They headed up the side that was clearly meant to be climbed, you however, went to the opposite side; a sheer rock face with a drop from an unbelievable height.

You’d received an odd look from Tony when you’d asked for a part of Peter Parker’s Spiderman suit. He’d given the gloves to you without asking the question that was clearly on the tip of his tongue, but you knew there would be many questions later as a result. The gloves’ grip wasn’t nearly as strong as it would have been for Peter, but they would be much better than nothing. Your other tools had been easy to obtain and stuff in a backpack; a combination ice axe and climbing hammer, pitons, carabiners and high strength climbing rope. Hopefully, the practice you’d managed would be enough.

Taking a deep breath you reached up and began your ascent. You needed to get as far up as you could and quickly, so that you could be in place and relatively stable when you needed to use the stone.

You forced the pitons into the rock face and secured yourself, freeing your hands and arms to use the stone, and more importantly, catch Natasha. The two tasks had to be done simultaneously, or your plan wouldn’t work.

Vormir’s guardian, and Clint needed to see Natasha fall, and believe she was dead in order to free the soul stone, but Natasha couldn’t die.

It felt like no fucking time had passed between when you finally anchored yourself and you could hear Nat and Clint arguing.

“Showtime.”

Using the stone, you warped reality around yourself not a moment too soon, as Natasha was suddenly hanging just above you.

“Damn you!” Clint shouted. Natasha had clipped him to an anchor she’d shot into the cliff, saving him, and now she was dangling from his outstretched arm.

“Let me go,” she said, almost calmly.

You knew in her mind, she was doing the right thing. Knew she was decided, resolved.

“No, please no,” Clint was crying. This would destroy him.

“It’s okay,” Natasha soothed ineffectively.

“Please-” Clint begged, but Natasha kicked off the cliff, forcing Clint to lose his grip.

For a moment, it felt like everything froze, then you blinked and reality seemed to split in front of you. You could see what you’d created for Clint and the guardian to see, but you could also see Natasha hanging safely from the second piton you’d secured just to the side of you.

“What the-” she broke off, seeing the distorted reality of herself falling to her death. When you reached over and touched her shoulder, her head whipped around, suddenly able to see you and the reality stone.

“What the fuck-” You silenced her with a finger to your lips. You weren’t sure whether or not you could be heard by Clint or the guardian. Waiting just a few seconds until you saw Clint disappear, you released the control you had on the stone and gestured for Natasha to trigger her suit to return home.

She looked like she really wanted to argue, but she did as you asked.

Clint’s knees hit the floor and he almost dropped the soul stone when he turned and saw Natasha standing beside him. Tears were flowing down his face and all sorts of nasty curses in a multitude of languages flew from his lips.

“Don’t you ever fucking do something like that again! Do you hear me, Tasha?! Fuck! You can’t give your life for mine. What the fuck were you- how did you-” Clint cut off and pulled Nat into a tight hug.

“I can’t promise never to do something like that again, Clint. I don’t know what happened. I thought-”. Natasha cut off too, tears in her eyes. She had been resolved to die to save Clint and the others, but she was glad she hadn’t had to.

“What exactly happened?” Bruce asked, looking from Nat and Clint to you.

“What?” Clint asked, looking from Nat to you.

“Ask them. I sure as fuck didn’t know what was happening,” Natasha said on a long exhale.

You noticed Rocket and Tony were also looking your way. When Nat pulled far enough away from Clint to face you, they both looked at you too.

All eyes on you. Great.

“Well, I had a vision…”

You explained part of your vision. To be fair, you would have explained the whole thing, you wanted to, but there was a niggling feeling at the back of your mind telling you that you weren’t done. You couldn’t tell everyone. It sucked, but your friends-- your family would understand. When it all worked out, you would tell them, but not yet.

…

The final tweaks were made to the new gauntlet. You watched as Tony, Rocket, and Bruce hovered around the thing, clearly unsure if it was ready.

But you were only barely watching. As Tony’s attention was drawn away, you drew over to his latest Iron Man suit. You’d talked with Rocket, and had some idea the power the stones would put out, with that in mind…

“FRIDAY, could I bother you for a moment?” you asked politely.

“Of course. What can I do for you?”

…

Not a fucking moment after Bruce snapped his fingers and the compound was totaled. Most of the structure was underground, along with several of the team.

Shit.

The worst part of having premonitions was that you couldn’t see everything. The visions would scare the shit out of you, and give you just enough information to run on, but never the whole picture. Thus, you found yourself running with Clint and Natasha through an underground maze of destruction trying to avoid the fucked up alien hoard that was chasing you.

ANY of that information would have been nice to know ahead of time.

It also would have been nice to know that a past version of Nebula was somehow in the present.

Fortunately that problem was “solved” when present nebula showed up and shot her past self… God you couldn’t wrap your head around all this shit.

A fight was underway as you cleared the tunnels, and it did not look good for your side. Although you noticed with a little shock, that Steve was holding Mjolnir. Or he was until Thanos knocked it from his hand, and cracked his shield.

All you could see then was Steve, barely standing, alone, facing an army increasing in size. Your heart was racing. You knew Steve wouldn’t give in. You hadn’t seen him die, but that didn’t mean his life wasn’t at risk. Fuck! What were you going to do?!

Then a voice you hadn’t heard in years crackled over the comms, “Hey, Cap, you read me? Cap, it's Sam. Can you hear me?” and a glowing yellow portal appeared next to Steve. “On your left.”

Seeing Sam, in his Falcon suit, fly through the portal, you almost hit the ground.

“Sam,” you whispered, tears in your eyes, but a growing smile on your face.

“Hey babe, miss me?” You could hear the smirk on his face, and though it would have bothered you before, it made you laugh now.

Your team had a chance. Hundreds of portals opened and thousands of people poured from them. You could vaguely hear chanting from the Wakandans, and see glowing shields being formed by the masters of the mystic arts. New hope and resolve formed in your chest.

“Every fucking day, Sam. Now let's end this so I can yell at you for disappearing on me.” He laughed, and you both ran into the hoards of Thanos’ followers.

…

Unfortunately, though the reinforcements were amazing, and desperately needed, Thanos and his army weren’t backing down.

Carol powered through ships, and struggled with Thanos, but she couldn't overpower him. When you saw her fall, and Tony began approaching the giant murder grape, you recognized your time to act.

“Carol,” you called as she rose, shaking debris from her hair. When she met your eyes, you waved her over. During the fight, you’d managed to speak to Thor, Dr. Strange and Wanda. They all knew you had a plan, though Strange seemed dubious, and they had all agreed to help. The fact that you’d managed to corral them all was a fucking miracle in and of itself, but what you were about to do, was still gonna be difficult.

Your group managed to stay out of Tony’s field of vision. What he was about to attempt, had to happen. What you needed was to reach him in time to alter the aftereffects.

“I am– inevitable,” Thanos announces, snapping his fingers, which would have been gut wrenching, had the mad titan actually had the infinity stones in his gauntlet.

However, unbeknownst to him, Tony Stark had swiped them right out of his hands. Tony Stark, who was now pulsing with immense amounts of gamma radiation and pure power from the ancient relics.

“And I– am– Iron Man.” Tony snapped his fingers. That was your cue. You, and the most powerful teammates you had, reached out, and took Tony’s left hand. Power and pain radiated through your body. And that was all you remembered.

…

The rocky ground beneath you was not comfortable, but you were barely aware of the sharp stones digging into your back since your whole body felt like you’d been in a car accident.

“Fucking ow,” you groaned.

“Well what did you expect? Trying to divert that level of radiation; you’re lucky your crazy stunt didn’t kill you!” Dr. Strange was in full lecture mode it seemed. You could hear Thor and Carol talking just behind you, and when you cracked your eyes open, you caught a glimpse of Wanda’s magic trailing behind her. Your eyelids felt like there were hundred pound weights on them. Why couldn’t you keep them open?

Wait!

It took a full second and a half for your brain to re-engage; quickly recapping the past few days. You bolted into an upright sitting position, all but shrieking in pain as your gritty eyes frantically searched for one figure amidst hundreds.

“Hey kid, you gonna explain all this to me now? I don’t like being in the dark.” You looked directly behind you and burst into tears. Tony was looking at you with a slightly exasperated look on his face, belayed by the small smile on his lips.

“It worked,” you sobbed.

“I don’t know what all has been going on in this place, but I know you’re not supposed to be upset that we won,” came Sam’s voice. He walked up behind Tony, clapping him on the back as he stepped past him to crouch down beside you. “Hey, Gorgeous. I missed you.”

A wet laugh exploded from your chest, “I fucking missed you too, Sammy.” Your eyes overflowed and your smile wobbled as he rested his forehead on yours.

“It’s okay. I’m here. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I love you,” he soothed, cupping the side of your face and rubbing across your cheekbone with his thumb. He was home. Sobs shook you, and you knew it would be a while before you were able to stand. Or it would have been if Sam hadn’t picked you up and insisted on carrying you.

He didn’t let you out of his sight for several days.

…

It was actually weeks later, after some of the rubble had been cleared from where the compound once stood, before you finally explained what had happened.

Not everyone was able to cram into Tony’s living room, so some people; Dr. Strange, and King T’challa and his people were there via remote communication. Rocket had even rigged up some sort of communications device into the Guardian’s ship so they could hear too.

“I had a vision,” you started. You were sitting in Sam’s lap, across from most of your family. Natasha sat in an armchair, with Clint perched on the arm. They’d both gone home to see his family almost immediately after the fight, but they both insisted on hearing what had happened.

Scott and Hope shared a couch. Bruce stood just behind it.

Steve and Bucky were standing next to each other just to the side of you and Sam. They weren’t standing beside you, they wanted an explanation just as much as the others, but the two men were close with Sam, so it seemed they wanted to show that they supported you, as his girlfriend.

Tony was in an armchair across from Natasha and Clint. Thor stood behind his chair, and Wanda sat on the floor between the couch and Tony’s armchair. Even Carol was there, she sat backwards on a kitchen chair that she’d dragged into the room.

“We figured as much,” Tony replied. He smiled as his daughter ran into the room and all but threw herself onto Tony’s lap. He picked her up and situated her comfortably before continuing. “What exactly did your vision show.”

“For the most part, I saw just what happened. I saw you figure out the time travel thing. I saw us split into teams to get the stones. That's where I intervened,” you paused. Sam gave your hip a gentle, supportive squeeze. You hadn’t told him what you’d seen yet, but he knew you. Knew you were trying to say something that had gone horribly wrong.

“I asked Bruce for the extra Pym charge, and I asked Rocket for some information, and to help me get on the team that went to Asgard.”

You saw Thor straighten then. He’d begun to take care of himself again, though you knew he was still overwhelmingly sad and lonely, he seemed to be working his way out of the deep rut he’d been in. “I don’t recall actually getting the stone. I was too distracted by my- my mother. Rocket did not show me the stone either. I just assumed he had it.” Thor looked at you, an unidentifiable emotion on his face. “Why did you need to be on our team?”

“I needed the reality stone. Wong and Rocket helped me get an idea of how to use it. And then I needed the extra Pym charge to take me to Vormir.”

Natasha’s brow furrowed. “I was supposed to die, wasn’t I?” she asked calmly. Clint stiffened beside her.

“No, you died in my vision. You weren’t supposed to die. That’s why I fixed it,” you gave her a look that brooked no argument, and she smiled in return.

“I used the stone to make it look like Natasha had died. Clint and Vormir’s guardian had to believe that it had happened. The only way to get the stone was-”

“To lose what you loved,” Clint finished for you. You nodded. “I had to believe it or it wouldn’t have worked.” You nodded again, though he hadn’t phrased it as a question.

“I’m really sorry you had to see that, Clint, but it was the only way I could think to make it work.” You really were sorry. You knew Clint sometimes woke from horrible nightmares, occasionally about his family disappearing again, but also about seeing Nat fall.

He shook his head, and you let the subject lie.

“No wonder you were so fucked up when we all got back,” Steve said quietly to Clint. Then he turned to you. “That’s not it, is it?”

“No.” You looked to Tony.

“The suit wouldn’t have held that much power,” Tony concluded. “I didn’t think it would, but I didn’t have the time to strengthen it. I just didn’t know-”

“I know,” you said. “I had FRIDAY make some tweaks when you weren’t looking.” If it was possible to look proud and affronted at the same time, that’s how you would have described Tony’s expression. “Then, using the info I’d gotten from Rocket, I figured out how to displace the power, instead of letting it hit you alone.” You nodded at Carol, Thor, and Wanda. “I pulled the strongest people I knew, and lined us all up behind you before grabbing your shoulder just as you used the stones. The power was distributed to all of us, and we were able to hold, and diffuse it with no ill effects. I don't think it’s something anyone could have thought to do in the moment, it only happened because I had that vision.” You looked at Nat and Tony again. “After all we’ve been through, I couldn’t live in a world without you guys. Any of you,” you added, looking at everyone.

Tony had his arm wrapped tight around Morgan. And you heard a muffled sob from just behind you, turning a little, you saw Pepper. You winced, you hadn’t intended her to hear this. She saw your expression and shook her head. “Thank you,” she mouthed before walking to Tony’s side. She gave him a kiss and held his free hand in a death grip.

Clint had a grip on Nat’s hand too. White lines formed at the corners of Thor’s mouth, and Wanda looked like she was having trouble processing all the emotions in the room, but her eyes focused on you.

“Why didn’t you tell us all this?” Bruce asked; he’d been quiet the whole time, though he’d known you had something going on earlier than most.

“I was afraid that if I said something, it would change something. I had no clue what was safe and what wasn’t and I knew-” you cut off, shifting to grip Sam’s hand, clearing your throat. “I knew if everything happened as it should, the dusted people would come back. I couldn’t risk that getting fucked up, just like I couldn’t let what I saw happen to Tony and Nat.” You squeezed Sam’s hand. “I’m sorry I kept this from you all, but I really couldn't risk it.” You closed your eyes, tilting your face to look at the floor.

You heard someone approaching, and felt Sam shift, but you didn’t open your eyes until you felt a hand on your shoulder. Natasha stood in front of you. As you looked up at her, you heard another set of footsteps approach. Tony appeared behind her. Steadily, your whole family came close. Natasha pulled you up, and into a tight hug. You felt Sam rise from behind you, he kept a hand on your hip. Tony put a hand on your shoulder, squeezing. Steve gripped your other shoulder. Bruce had a hand on one of your arms, which were around Natasha, and Clint gripped your hand. Looking around the room at the others, you saw pain, and gratitude in every face.

“Don’t keep shit like that to yourself again, you hear me?” Natasha grumbled, tears in her voice keeping her tone from being very threatening.

You let out a choked laugh. “I’ll do my best.”

“Clearly your best is damn good. I’ll take that any day,” Tony said. Tears were in his eyes, and there were tracks of them on his cheeks. “You did a good job, kid.”

“We’re proud of you.” Steve gave you a smile. Clint met your gaze and though his eyes were still warry, he gave you a smile, squeezing your hand.

Sam’s hand ran up and down your lower back as Natasha and the others stepped back. “You’re amazing, baby. You did good, just like always.” He wrapped his arm around you from behind and pressed a kiss to your temple.

Everyone settled back into their seats before Steve spoke again. “Is that all you changed? Nothing else we need to know.”

You laughed a little, drawing everyone's gazes again. “Well I did change one more thing, it wasn’t big though.”

“What was it?” Steve asked.

“I kept Scott from accidentally using a Pym Particle when he was talking about how they worked. That was the only way I could have one to use.”

Hope rolled her eyes, “seriously, Scott?” Clearly she was well aware of Scott’s inability to be smooth.

Scott’s face was beet red, but laughter filled the room. It seemed that the group would be able to move on from the news after all.

“I wasn’t gonna use it!” Scott insisted.

“If you had to be stopped, then yes, you were going to use it,” Hope argued, rolling her eyes. “You’re hopeless.”

The room filled with laughter and you felt a weight lift off your shoulders. Leaning back into Sam, you let a long sigh escape you. It was over. The world was readjusting to having its missing members back, and after 5 years, you knew it would take a while, but, looking around the room, you had hope for the future.

You had your family after all. Your family, and your Sam. Everything was as it should be.

Perma Tags (Open): @buckyappreciationsociety , @17marvelousfreak , @melconnor2007 , @writingwithadinosaur , @whenallsaidanddone , @hello-sweetie-get-the-salt , @umwhatandrea , @pineapplebooboo , @thefridgeismybestie , @xlemon-limex , @sammysgirl1997 , @4theluvofall , @geeksareunique @madcheshire89 , @shakzer00 , @ajimagines , @mummy-woves-you�� , @isnt-the-blog-youre-looking-for, @strangersstranger , @dreams-of-feysand

Avengers Perma Tags (Open): @ldyhawkeye , @gonnadiereading , @lilmissperfectlyimperfect

#Avengers Endgame Rewrite #sam wilson x reader #endgame spoilers #I HAD TO FIX IT

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fairycosmos · 4 years ago

Note

i understand that kinda rage so much it's not an exaggeration to say i could kill. i think it must be bc of the grief? yesterday my cat meowed at me and i felt like i could kill him for no fucking reason and i hurt myself instead. and when i see my mom i feel like i want to kill her too like everything is her fault is so scary to feel like this but it is justified. we lost everything. if that doesn't kil us this rage will it feels so poisonous

:(( i’m sorry love. i totally understand. the rage comes and goes for me but when it’s there, it’s so strong it’s almost blinding. i hold it all in my chest and stomach. and i snap at everyone. there’s just so many reasons to be angry. like you said, the loss. thinking about everything that never will be and how much things have irreparably changed. having to live with it all forever. then there’s projecting that onto the rest of the world - i’m pissed off that bad people live long lives, i’m pissed off that life is continuing forwards, i’m pissed off when i get asked about her and i can see the judgement that is always there. and obviously, i spend so much time ruminating on the situation itself. idk what it was like for you, but i can completely relate to how you feel towards your mam. i was screaming for weeks that things weren’t right and that she needed help. and on that actual night, her stupid fucking boyfriend did nothing, and i did everything. her death has highlighted in my mind, why i’m so fucking mad at my parents and my family and i have been my whole life. and i don’t blame them for what happened. but it just feels like this was so preventable and now she’s gone forever. it sounds so casual to type that, but it is the worst pain i have ever felt. sometimes i feel like if we had all just collectively, even right back from childhood, showed her more support and been a proper family things maybe have turned out differently. also, exactly. the anger feels so justified and it frightens me as well. because sometimes i think i’ll spend forever being a total asshole and thinking who cares who cares nobody cared about my sister and nobody cares about me so why the fuck should i. literally venomous. but anyway - point still stands that we are allowed to be angry. and we don’t have to carry shame about it. it’s there whether or not we want it to be. it may take us a lifetime to learn how to process and deal with it in a healthy way but as long as the effort and intent is there, it’s okay. it’s all we can do. i know it often feels like there’s no rationality in those moments of blind rage, but i think we’ll naturally learn how to ground ourselves to some extent eventually, the more time passes. because there’s no alternative. i know self harm is very complex and difficult to let go of, and i have no illusions about it. i won’t act like anything i as a stranger could say will make a dent in it. so i just want to reinforce the sentiment, that no matter what your mind is telling you, you do not deserve to be hurt. you are a good person that has been through something very bad. there absolutely is help and support available, even just in the form of calling a hotline or looking into self care methods/practices to begin with, that will enable you to find other coping mechanisms that won’t perpetuate a toxic cycle. no, it doesn’t solve anything and the hurt will still be there. it always will be. but it’s about minimizing the damage and allowing yourself to feel what you need to feel. acknowledging it and letting it go, then acknowledging it again when it comes back, and letting it go again. at least that’s how it seems to me. again i am really sorry we’re both in the same situation at the minute. i wouldn’t wish it on anyone. i’m still convinced i’m in a nightmare to be honest. sending a lot of love to you x

#anon #tw self harm

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daffodeela · 5 years ago

Text

flounder through the feeling for you

Summary: Jean heard about the scarf that Mikasa always wear was given by Eren. Mikasa was in front of him. Her fingers traced the rest of her scarf that was dangling. He couldn't hold himself from asking, "If I give you something one day, will you keep it?"

Notes: Attack on Titan by Hajime Isayama. I don't take any material advantage by writing this story.

Warning: grammatical errors. I know this is badly translated but I don't know how to translate it better ... My English sucks.

Available on AO3 and FFN.

Jean heard Connie and Sasha chuckling right behind him and he knew he was the object of the comedy they shared. He rolled his eyes, feeling exasperated. He blew his hair that was already lengthened and often covered his face. The gestures were happening because he still tried to hold himself from snapping at them. But, when their laughs were getting louder, he couldn't swallow his irked state any longer.

"Can you all shut up?" Jean spat.

Connie was still laughing. Sasha puffed her cheeks to hold any giggle, but her face was still full of noisy amusement.

"So, you really like Mikasa?" Connie threw a rhetorical question. Whether Jean answered it or not, he already held the answer.

"Yeah, Jean. You couldn't stop looking at her," Sasha said. She bit her lips hard to resist her laugh again. Her hands held her stomach. "Did you always do that all this time? How could we don't realize that?"

Jean could feel his whole face was getting hotter. His blood was flowing to his face which was caused by shame and anger from being mocked like this.

"It's because you two are stupid," he said. The sharp tone hadn't been gone from his words at all.

Instead of being angry because they didn't accept to be claimed as stupid as usual, Connie and Sasha laughed harder. The tip of their eyes was wet. Connie pointed his index finger to Jean during his laugh. Jean was confused receiving their responses which were getting crazier until he played his last sentence inside his mind. He palmed his forehead. Damn it.

"Connie, he just admitted that he always looked at Mikasa since the old days!"

Connie nodded. He swiftly added, "No wonder you're always angry at Eren!"

Jean shook his head while rubbing his face harshly. He expelled a long breath. "That's enough," he sighed.

The echo of their laugh was gone little by little. Jean, who still covered his face using his hand, was shocked when suddenly his right and left shoulder were tapped by two hands in different sizes. He glanced to the right and found Sasha.

"Have you ever told her?" Sasha asked. This time, her face looked serious, there was no hint of amusement at all. Jean glanced at Connie and found the exact same expression.

"Why do we talk about my love life?" Jean wrinkled his nose. Uncomfortableness filled his throat.

"Come on, we are your close friends, right?" Connie said. "You always kept it to yourself all this time, didn't you? Why don't you just tell us?"

Jean was quiet. He remembered the days when he was still a cadet. Marco was aware of how different the way he looked at Mikasa. He had started a talk about that a little bit, but Jean didn't want to let him dig into it. After Marco was fallen, the secret was also fallen with him. Jean had never talked about that to anyone. After all, as a soldier amidst the critical situations, his feeling for Mikasa wasn't something that was important. But, now he realized that he was a human first before a soldier. Feelings were something natural that descended him and he couldn't just ignore them forever.

"After the first supper with all of the cadets, I told her she had beautiful black hair. That's it," he said. He anticipated another mock from them, but his anticipation got no aim.

Sasha moved her fingers as if she was counting. "That was … about six years ago?" The octave of her voice was rising up. "You have liked her that long?"

Jean didn't answer.

"Wow," Connie responded. "Sasha, are we really that stupid or it's just Jean who is really good at hiding his feeling for Mikasa?"

Sasha shook her head. She was suddenly quiet, just realizing something. "Wait. You said that her hair was beautiful?"

"Yeah."

"Before I got in here, I saw Mikasa just cut her hair again. It wasn't even an hour ago," Sasha said. Her hand made a cutting movement right under her ear. "This short."

Jean shrugged. "That's her right. She can do whatever she wants." His memories were played into the moment Eren warned Mikasa to cut her hair so it wouldn't stick to the 3DMG. It made him frown because she cut her hair not based on her own will. Eren was the one who influenced her.

"So, you'll keep liking her even if she's bald?" Connie asked. Sasha cringed and hit his head.

"Why don't you just tell her?" Sasha asked.

"It's okay. There are a lot of things that are more important than that," Jean answered. "And I don't want to burden her for anything. I'll just let it go."

"You can do it little by little, you know? You can give her … what is it called?" Sasha raised her hands and made quoting symbols using her fingers. "Hints. You can praise her. You can still protect her.

Jean smirked. "Protect her? You know exactly how strong Mikasa is, don't you? She doesn't need that." Gleams of admiration and proudness were forming in his eyes.

Sasha looked astonished. "Wow. You do really like her," she mumbled softly. But, Jean could still hear her. "But you'll definitely do it when she needs one, right?"

"Of course."

"Wow. You do really like her," Connie repeated. Jean rolled his eyes.

"You can stay with her when she is sad," Sasha suggested. "But you have to do it sincerely, don't expect anything."

"I know," Jean responded. He stared at Sasha seriously. "By the way, it's weird to hear you talk like that."

Sasha released an exasperated breath. "Jean, I'm a girl too."

"That's Mikasa!" Connie shouted out of the blue. Jean swiftly moved his gaze to the direction Connie stared at. He was right, Mikasa was there. He didn't know why his heart was beating so loud immediately—louder than when he saw Mikasa usually. He could feel his face was getting hot again.

"Oi, Mikasa! Mikasa!" Connie yelled, sneered, and waved his hand at the same time. Sasha slapped her forehead and shook her head. That fool.

Mikasa turned her head without walking closer to them. She said nothing and only waited until Connie stated his purpose.

"Jean wants to talk to you!"

Jean tried so hard to not hit the back of Connie's head. When he uplifted his face, Mikasa was already staring at him. The girl was still as quiet as she was before. Her gaze made her seem like waiting for something from him. Jean, who really didn't know what to say, just waved his hand. His mouth was opened slightly. "H-hi?" he said, stammering.

Mikasa frowned. "Hi," she said stiffly. She was quiet for a while, still waiting for something, until deciding to continue her walk and leaving the three of them.

Sasha stared at Jean in disbelief. "What the hell was that?"

Jean palmed his face. "I have no idea either."

Jean was done checking the supply and condition of the ammunition that was placed inside the room. He discussed with Commander Hange regarding the number of weapons the military needed. There was too much dust that was inhaled from the room until his throat felt itchy. He walked to the back of the room, a place that straightly faced a field, to take some fresh air. A bottle of water was already on his hand.

Cough attacked him. He opened the bottle and drank the water from there while walking. He was aghast when he realized Mikasa was there too. The water was spilled and wetting his clothes. His palm supported his wobbly body to the wooden wall. A splinter from the wall stabbed his finger deeply. He immediately pulled his hand.

Mikasa approached him. "Are you okay?"

Jean patted on his wet chest. He whimpered quietly when he felt the splinter was being pushed further through his skin. He wanted to answer that he was okay, but Mikasa herself could see that he wasn't. But, he still answered, "I'm fi—"

His words were cut by the sudden movement of Mikasa pulling his right hand. The girl took a look at his palm and her breath hitched when she saw his index finger. "A splinter," she said.

In the middle of his stuttered state, he could only nod.

"You got it just now, right?"

Once again, he could only nod.

"This can cause an infection." Mikasa reached the bottle from his left hand. She shed the rest of the water to his right hand. "Do you have a needle?"

"No," he answered. He finally found his voice. "It's okay! It's just a small wound. I had been stabbed by a bigger wood, you know? You were," heat was filling his face, "... you were the one who treated it too."

Mikasa ignored his words. She tried to pull the splinter from his hand harshly, but it was still stuck. Jean whimpered. Blood was flowing from the cut of his wound.

"Sorry."

Mikasa bowed. She tucked her hair to the back of her ear. When he realized how close the distance between her face and his palm, Jean swiftly pulled his hand from her hold.

"Wait. What are you trying to do?"

"I'll bite the splinter."

"What?!" Jean felt like his neck was throttled. He was having a hard time swallowing his saliva.

"My fingers are too big to pull it."

Jean shook his head. "I can do it by myself." He immediately bit the tip of the splinter that was still showing on the surface of his skin and pulled it slowly. The splinter was released and he spit it to the ground. Nevertheless, his mind couldn't be held from imagining if Mikasa was the one who did it. The daydream felt too much for him. He could feel a throttled sensation around his neck again. He closed his eyes tightly.

"Thank you," Jean said when he was finally enabled to control himself.

Mikasa shrugged. "I didn't do anything." She rested his back to the wall again. Not knowing what he would do although the place was his destination from the start, he also did the same.

Her hand was stretched to him to give him the bottle back silently. Jean spilled the last drop of the water inside the bottle onto his wound. When he finished, he closed the bottle. His focus was on Mikasa.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

Mikasa held her head. She closed her eyes tightly, looking like someone in pain. She pressed her back harder to the wall. Jean held her arm in reflex so she wouldn't fall.

"Are you okay?"

When the pain was done attacking her, Mikasa straightened her body. She nodded. "I'm okay." She grasped the scarf around her neck. "Just a common headache. It's over."

Jean moved his gaze when he was sure Mikasa didn't show any pain in her face. She was already back to the posture of the strongest woman that he had ever met. His throat was burned since he ever heard about the scarf that Mikasa always used was given by Eren. He wanted to confirm it, but just thinking about hearing her answer "yes" annoyed him. He couldn't imagine if it was true.

Silence surrounded them. Jean felt that his throat was finally free from the dust, but he didn't want to go from here yet. Mikasa seemed the same as he was. He recalled that his question about what she was doing here was left hung. He wanted to ask her again, but awkwardness stopped him.

"What did you want to say?" Mikasa asked suddenly.

Jean wanted to slap his forehead once again. His chest was full of shame. He felt irritated. "It was nothing. Connie just wanted to make fun of me."

"Oh."

Silence accompanied them again. It made him remember Sasha's words. About Mikasa's hair. About praising Mikasa. He turned his head to her with no doubt. He knew she would be aware of his gaze on her soon. His assumption was proven as Mikasa turned her head towards him too and threw a question from her eyes.

"You cut your hair again," Jean said.

"Yes."

Jean stared at her face without blinking. He knew red was already tinted his face again, but he kept smiling. "It looks good on you "

Her facial expression showed no significant difference, but her eyes were widened. She touched the tip of her hair and glanced at her hand. "Thank you."

Jean was astonished. Her response wasn't as cold as when the very first time he praised her beautiful hair. Of course , he thought, we didn't know each other that day. Maybe she thought it was creepy. Meanwhile, right now we are … friends? Right. Friends.

Mikasa grasped her scarf again. Her fingers traced the long material until the edge of it before her hand was back to the side of her body. Uncomfortableness stung Jean's chest.

"Mikasa," Jean called.

"Hm?" she mumbled without turning her head.

"If I give you something one day, will you really keep it?"

She turned her head too fast until he was worried it would hurt her. No, he thought, Mikasa is so much stronger than that. His focus was on her surprised face.

Jean shook his head and rubbed his hair. There was a suspense that made him want to hear her answer, but he remembered his words to Sasha about he didn't want to burden her regarding this. Take it little by little. He grinned and waved his hand.

"Just forget it, okay?" he said lightly. He shoved his free hand to the pocket of his pants. His foot kicked a pebble before he straightened his body and walked away from Mikasa. Before he turned to the other side of the building, he dimly heard, "I'll keep it."

He didn't know whether it was his daydream or not. He left the question there without digging any confirmation at all. For now, it was better to be stuck in between reality and reverie. Because being biased to one of it would break something inside him right now or one day.

#jeankasa #jeanmika #Jean Kirschtein #jean kirstein #Mikasa Ackerman #fanfiction #AoT #snk #my fic

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nobodyfamousposts · 6 years ago

Text

What If - Adrien Rejection in Felix Culpa

Making this its separate post as well for those who don’t want to have to scroll to the cut to see it.

Continuation of this.

(Eyes salt shaker…)

(Drops a full shaker of salt into the mix)

She slapped him.

Marinette had actually—

“It’s been said that everyone has their limits of how much they can take.” Came a voice, and Adrien turned to see Felix staring down at him with what had to be the coldest he’d ever seen him. “I never thought out of everyone it would be you to push Dupain-Cheng to hers.“

“I didn’t!” He insisted. “I just…I was just trying to keep the peace.”

“No, you were trying to maintain complacency. There is a difference. Your assurances of being in her corner ring hollow from the other side of the room.” He closed his eyes and released a breath. “But that’s hardly far from the norm for you.”

Adrien’s growled in frustration. Of course Felix would jump on him, but he wasn’t in the wrong here! “She was being cruel. There was no reason to try to out Lila when she wasn’t hurting anyone!”

The older male sighed.

“I know I’ve called you an idiot before, but that was by no means an invitation to prove me right.”

That actually got his attention. He looked up at the other in confusion. “Felix?”

But the other blond simply walked past him without even glancing his way.

“Do us all a favor, Agreste. If you aren’t going to honor your word, then kindly say nothing.”

With that, Felix was gone, leaving the confused and ignorant child behind.

He had someone more important to see to.

When he found her, she was seated on a park bench, sobbing and unaware of her surroundings. It made for a sorrowful image, and though Felix struggled with emotional interaction, he wanted to intervene.

And so he approached, slowly and cautiously. Not like she was a scared rabbit who would flee at the first sign of danger, but so she could have the time to regain her bearings and be aware of his approach.

“Felix? What are you…” She paused, cutting herself off as she realized. “Oh. You saw, didn’t you?”

“Yes. I was the only one, fortunately.” He had made well sure of that, as his very presence seemed to be enough to deter most people from trying to linger. And he was glad he had, as the last thing anyone needed was for someone to be around and potentially overhear the commotion.

Marinette nodded in thanks, but didn’t speak.

Something in him ached as her tears continued to fall.

“I apologize.” He stated, making her look up at him in surprise. “I want to help you, but I’m not the most…proficient with comfort or emotional support.”

She wiped away a tear. “Are you going to call me a bully?”

“No.”

She gave a small bitter smile. “Then you’re already doing a better job than Adrien.”

It was a joke, he was sure. But it wasn’t funny. And neither of them felt up to laughing.

“May I sit with you?”

She nodded, and he settled next to her. Enough distance to offer her space, but close enough that she could lean on him for comfort if she so chose.

The two simply sat in silence for a few minutes. He didn’t bother asking if she was okay—that was a stupid question, as clearly she wasn’t. And he wasn’t going to force her to talk just to start up a conversation.

This…Marinette needed to regain some control. He needed to let her speak at her own time. So he simply sat and waited.

A silent comfort.

Until finally…

“It’s just…this isn’t how I was expecting it to go.”

He tilted his head, curiously.

“I knew he might not feel the same. I mean, he’d been calling me his ‘good friend’ since forever. But…for THAT? Just…does he even see what’s going on?”

“He does seem to have a propensity to blindness.” Felix remarked, dryly.

She chuckled at that. That may have been some sign of progress.

“It’s just…what was I supposed to do? Sit there and do nothing? While she insulted me? Insulted my—my family? And everyone just let her. HE even did…”

Felix still regretted not being present for that particular altercation. By the time he arrived, Adrien was trying to play peacemaker, but only seemed to be playing more into Lila’s hands the further things went. He managed to help bring it to an end, but not before Marinette was left feeling deeply hurt and Lila had another pity party that the class attempted to cater to.

And still that little fool did nothing.

He grimaced and looked at his hands, noting the way his fists were clenched.

“I should have stayed out of it like you have. I should have just let it go. Let Lila lie and manipulate everyone. At least then…” She shook her head. “I was so stupid.”

He frowned at that. His reasons for his responses were his own. But while he had thought her actions foolish, that didn’t make her wrong.

“I stayed out of it because I have little attachment to those involved.” He told her. “I’m not close to anyone else in that class, so I can’t say it is of any interest to me if they decide to be particularly stupid.”

She frowned and looked down. He wasn’t having it though.

“Marinette,” He said, using her name for once and causing her to glance up at him in surprise. “You spoke up because these are your friends and their wellbeing matters to you. Don’t belittle yourself for caring about others.”

She stared. Feeling he had her attention, he continued.

“I stay silent because I don’t believe it’s my responsibility to attempt to save people from their own stupidity. If they are so desperate to allow themselves to be fooled, then it isn’t worth my time or energy to attempt to stop them.”

He looked to her.

“But since I’ve met you, you’ve always been someone who would act if you knew something was wrong. You have a sense of righteousness that is…admirable, for all that it may be troublesome at times. You stand up for others. It isn’t wrong to stand up for yourself as well.”

She shook at that, giving another sob even as she finally start to smile more genuinely.

“I’m not…good…with this sort of thing.” Felix admitted. “I don’t know the right thing to say or the best way to offer comfort. But I can listen.”

Marinette bit her lip and looked away, uncertain.

“Feelings—especially strong ones—need to be acknowledged. I can let you vent. Give you a chance to process them safely.”

If nothing else, he could do that.

Fortunately, Marinette seemed to agree. And soon enough, the entire encounter was spilling from her lips. He had been there for part of it, at least. But this gave her a chance to put everything out there for herself, in her own words.

A chance to speak in a way she may not be able to otherwise.

And the more he heard, the more he felt that a simple slap was less than Adrien Agreste had deserved

“He kept saying we were in this together. But we weren’t. It was just me. On my own. Because ‘it’s not like she’s hurting anyone’, right? Like—like she wasn’t still being hurtful. Like she wasn’t hurting me.”

He nodded, all too aware of the depths of Lila’s attacks. Especially with the way the others were trailing after her, following her every word. What would it take before they would start echoing her statements about Marinette and her family? How many times would they hear it before they would let it cloud the truth and allow such good things to be spoiled?

“And for him to keep saying he’s on my side only to turn around and defend her? Like SHE is the victim? What am I supposed to think? How am I supposed to believe his claims that he’s with me when he’s standing at her side with everyone else.”

Out of everything, that had been one of the things he disliked about the other model. How he would try to enforce his silly notion of “peace” between unfriendly parties in a horribly one-sided manner. How often, he wondered, had Agreste lectured a victim while ignoring or even condoning the behavior of their offender? There was little doubt at this point that Marinette had been on the receiving end of that judgmental attitude more than once.

Agreste was an enabler. Pure and simple.

“I could accept it if he just didn’t feel the same for me. But for it to be BECAUSE of her? Because trying to stop her from hurting others is somehow worse than what she’s been doing? That’s just…too much.”

He nodded in agreement. That was what infuriated Felix the most about the situation. He could not begrudge Agreste his feelings, even if he felt his obvious obsession with Ladybug was foolish and pointless. But Agreste had used the situation as a sort of springboard to force his view on Marinette, and completely disregarded her feelings in the process.

“And what does it say when he knows full well what she’s doing but is admonishing me like I’m the bad guy?” She laughed bitterly before looking up at Felix, eyes teary like she was about to cry once more. “Did you know he called me the bully?”

He was aware. He had been there for that unfortunate part.

She shuddered and hugged herself. “He…he even grabbed me and wouldn’t let me go. Just to get a promise that would protect HER. He knows what she’s doing. He knows how I feel. Does he just not care?”

Felix reached out and placed an arm around her, drawing her to him in something akin to a hug.

“He said he was supporting me, but all he cared about was defending her. He called me the bully when I’m the one she’s been hurting.”

“You tried to tell him.”

“I did! I pointed out how it was unfair!” She said, voice raised in anger. “But no! He’s only worried about Lila being akumatized if she feels bad. Doesn’t he even care about how all this is making me feel?”

“If it’s any consolation,” Felix said, “I believe it may be due to his trust of your strength of will and capability to not be akumatized.”

She chuckled a little at that, but still bitterly. “Just because I CAN fend off an akuma doesn’t mean I should have to.”

“No.” He agreed. “You shouldn’t.”

She hiccuped.

“It’s not fair.”

“Unreasonable expectations often are. While it speaks well of you that he sees you as someone who can act better in the face of adversity, it rings hollow when he seems more inclined to force you to meet standards he doesn’t require from anyone else.”

She sniffled at that, leaning into him and speaking hollowly. “Because if it’s just me, it’s not like it matters, right?”

He stayed silent. He knew the answer already.

“I’ve liked Adrien. Like-liked him for a really long time.” She wilted. “But if Adrien is going to do that…say he’s there with me only to turn on me while excusing what she does…then he’s just as much of a liar as she is. He isn’t…he’s not the good person I thought he was.”

Felix hummed for a moment, thoughtfully.

“Agreste had every right to reject you.” He finally said, making her look up at him in surprise. “His feelings are his own and he cannot force them. But the way he attempted to use those feelings against you…that was wrong.”

Felix stared her in the eyes.

“HE was wrong.”

She felt her vision go blurry again and she blinked quickly in an attempt to try to stop the tears from forming.

“He twisted his rejection to make it about you—how you were lacking, and how you needed to change to be agreeable to him. He tried to use his rejection of you to push his own agenda. He tried to pressure your compliance with something that was hurting you—first through his feelings and then through force. That…what he tried to do was emotionally manipulate you. His judgement of you. His calling you a bully when it is clearly the other way around…”

Marinette gaped.

“That is what a bully does. That is what he is.”

“He’s not—”

“Even if he’s not a bully, he is still at best an enabler. He wishes to keep the status quo so much that he would try to force you to hold to it regardless of its effects on you or anyone else for that matter. That…” He shook his head, unable to find any other way to say it. “That isn’t healthy. That is horribly unhealthy and I think…for all that it may hurt you to hear it, I think you’re better off for this.”

Her breath hitched at that.

“I’ve seen the way you’ve been around him. How much you’ve done just to try to talk to him. How much it takes out of you. And…what concerns me is how time and time again, you only seem more miserable for doing so. This is something that time and again only seems to hurt you. And it is something that time and again, he either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care.”

She wanted to argue. Really, she did.

But how could she argue that? After everything that had just happened. She reached a hand to her arm—wincing at the lingering pain that reminded her of how Adrien had grabbed it in his previous attempt to force his way. Felix took her hand in his own, much to her surprise, before he then released it and instead rested his hand gently on the slowly fading marks.

“If his priority has been Lila all this time, then it’s safe to assume that she will remain his bigger concern regardless.”

She winced.

“And if he is going to prioritize the well being of someone who would willfully harm others over someone more deserving…” Over you,went unsaid, “then you are healthier without him.”

She let loose the tears she had been trying to hold back and sobbed.

“But I’m not happier.”

He hesitated, but finally gave in to the impulse and hugged her fully. She leaned into him fully, accepting the comfort.

“Not yet.” He admitted, solemn and apologietic, but somehow, it sounded like a promise.

“Not yet.”

But soon…

He stayed there and let her cry it out for what felt like hours, but he didn’t begrudge her. And when her tears finally slowed and her breathing calmed, only then did he ease his hold. But he didn’t release her—not fully. Instead, he remained a stable support at her side as he led her home and to the comfort of those who loved her.

Neither noticed the silent intruder who was the only witness to their discussion. He did nothing but watch and listen, helpless to act in the growing evidence of his own guilt.

#ml au #ml fic #felix culpa #felix agreste #ml felix #ml salt #ml spite #adrien salt #marinette dupain cheng #marinette deserves better

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project-ohagi · 5 years ago

Text

Keigo Takami ღ Hawks x Reader {Greek Mythology AU}

Buy me a coffee!! <3

Being celebrated as the town's best blacksmith and master-craftsman, you had many opportunities to provide exquisite items for the royal household. You lived within the boundaries of King Enji Todoroki's castle, and you knew the inhabitants quite well. Their splendid, sharp and practical weapons were fashioned in your very forge, and seeing the guards carrying them down the labyrinthine hallways of the castle filled you with a sense of pride. The furniture, often wooden and antique, with exotic designs that no other craftsman in the realm could ever replicate, received compliments not only from the king's subjects, but the foreign ambassadors, who proceeded to inform their employers of the magnificent works. You had big dreams and a means to achieve them.

You wandered the corridors of the castle, glancing at the hand-brewed lanterns littering the walls, illuminating the red and brown bricks. Their flames flickered like the tongues of dragons - a reliable source had once told you that the king himself reared these beautiful, dangerous beasts, although you had never seen them personally. The claim went invalidated, but your songbird was a lovely girl, very gentle and trustworthy. She possessed a meagre level of magic, which impressed you to no end. She slurred potions around and carried leaves of fern and belladonna wherever she travelled. Her companions were extraordinary, as well, and you often saw them as they graced the grasses of your small town. There was a boy with stunning verdant hair and a penchant for crying, plus a knight from the land controlled by King Toshinori Yagi. He had always been lax with the laws, and there was barely ever any crime, so the castle wouldn't suffer from having one less guard.

A pleasant humming sound drifted from your lips, echoing along the walls, making it seem as though someone was tailing you. Your (e/c) eyes fluttered shut as you allowed the crackling of the small flames to guide you safely on the path. Through the flesh of your eyelids, you could see the faint glow of fire beginning to dwindle. Ceasing any movement, you cracked open both eyes and resolved to find the problem. These lanterns had been imbued with the Eternal Flame, so it was (supposedly) unheard of for them to die out. It wasn't just one, either - as your gaze lingered on the husks of your lanterns, you noticed their light slowly diminishing, until all that remained was darkness.

You shivered, the lack of warmth enabling a frigid breeze to waft over you, like a bad dream.

"Whoa, who burned out all the lanterns?" A voice called, cheery amidst the dire circumstances.

That wasn't the only issue, however. This was a strange sound, a foreign one, and you knew all the sounds of this castle. You could pick people and objects apart by noise alone, and yet this was a trial your ears could not overcome. Another thing - you hadn't even realised there was someone else in the corridor with you. The earlier humming was a sound you only made when absolutely comfortable, usually while tinkering in your little shop. You were at home around the lanterns you had manufactured yourself. Yet, they died out. Every. Last. One. You didn't design things to fail. That was the first rule of the trade, and until now, you had sworn by it.

You decided to try this stranger. "I'm not quite sure. They weren't supposed to do that, and no-one else was here."

"Well then," His bones made a clicking sound, as if he was stretching. "It must have been you, or me, but I guess we'll never know."

The arrogance lacing his tone did tick you off slightly, but you had to sigh at his words. "Impossible." You muttered, almost condescendingly.

"I was specifically entrusted to fashion lanterns that would never die."

Your last sentence was likely whispered, but it still reached your accomplice's ears. Probably because he had elected to stand right behind you, which startled you out of your skin when he started talking again. Apparently, he was the king's jester or some other such nonsense. He must have been - no other sane person would dare disrespect the greatest figures of modern times (you thought quite highly of yourself, if that's not already evident).

Whistling, he asked, "Wooow, you made these? No wonder they burned out so fast. What did you make them out of? Wood and wax?"

You huffed indignantly, trying not to rise to his taunts. "It's impossible that they all went out. One or two, perhaps I could find fault in, but all of them? What magic is this?"

"The black kind?" The stranger offered, unhelpfully. "Don't get me wrong, they looked nice - so do you, by the way - but maybe you're not as great as you think, princess."

You searched for him in the dark, but that turned up nothing. "Please don't call me that. My name is (Y/n) (L/n). I'm the town's main blacksmith and craftsman - I know what I'm doing, and if I say this isn't normal, I would like to be believed. What is your name, anyway? I don't feel like calling you 'stranger' forever."

There was a pause and a near-incoherent sound, the he spoke. "I go by Hawks, beautiful, and you didn't call me 'stranger', unless you were thinking about me? Aww, I wonder why I haven't seen you before?"

You sighed. "Honestly, I'm not sure you can see me now."

"Haha, you're right! Well, gotta find some light, I suppose. Which way to safety...?" You heard his light footfalls, followed by a muffled cry.

"That would be the wall." You muttered, astounded by the apparent stupidity of this man.

He said nothing, but continued onwards. After a few moments, a warm hand moved to cradle yours, and he pulled you alongside him. You wanted to protest, but decided against it. You would get nowhere with trivial arguments. The corridor twisted and turned, and you suddenly remembered that one section leading off from it was restricted, but you wouldn't be able to see it in complete darkness. This did worry you slightly, but instead of vocalising your discomfort, you just squeezed Hawks' hand tighter. With him as delegated leader, he bumped into a few more walls on the way out. It seemed that, like you, he hadn't been expecting the lanterns to burn out as easily as they did. When you appeared to have reached a crossroads, he stopped. It was so abrupt that you actually slammed into his back. Trickles of hair brushed against your forehead, and you realised that you were probably just a fraction taller than him. At least this gave you one advantage. He could have his jokes and flirtatious words, but you had your trade and your height.

"Ahh..." He chuckled, a tone of uncertainty present in his voice.

"What's going on? Why did you stop?" You questioned, getting kind of annoyed with this guy.

He glanced around, but saw nothing, obviously. "I might have gone the wrong way?"

"You what?!" You yelled. "We have no light source, and now no sense of direction? Oh, more black magic..."

"It'll probably be fine." He responded, once more sounding as though he commanded some divine wisdom.

His one free hand traced the wall, and just as you were pondering whether to give him two free hands, a noise of acknowledgement erupted from his throat. You supposed that meant he knew where you were, but could he really tell from touch alone? It was likely a ploy, although it did something to calm your throbbing heart. He re-established his pace, dragging you in tow. He made a degree of small talk along the way, but it was drowned out by all the thoughts swimming in your head. His palm was dangerously hot, like an oven, yet you were finding it impossible to let go. It was the kind of heat source your body craved, although you weren't entirely sure why.

Suddenly, an ear-splitting screech began to resonate like a gong, and before you had chance to ask what the hell was happening, you were tugged through the wooden frame of a door. It closed as soon as you stepped into the bright, blinding light. After all that darkness, this seemed like Hell. At least for the first few minutes. Once your eyes managed to adjust, you peered through heavy eyelids, hoping to catch a glimpse of the man calling himself 'Hawks'.

He was absolutely gorgeous.

Those tussles of hair that had previously ghosted your forehead turned out to be feathery and ash-blonde in colour. A small amount of stubble hung from his chin, and as he yawned, you saw perfect, snowy-white teeth. When he noticed the starstruck expression on your face, he grinned, the corners of his lips moving upwards. You blushed - even his cocky smile was breath-taking. He had the most awe-inspiring, chocolate-brown eyes, that twinkled in the glinting candlelight. His fluffy eyebrows made your heart weep, and the formation of those black triangles below his tear ducts reminded you of a bird. His peasant clothes were nothing to write home about, but the way he wore them certainly was. He somehow made them look more appealing and seductive than they should have been, yet you couldn't put a finger on the reason. An onyx, stud-shaped earring adorned both ears. He must have been a similar age to you - around 22 - and you wondered if he would consent to court someone so soon after meeting them. Despite his frankly irritating nature, he made your heart sing, and you instantly knew that you needed to be with him.

"Too hot for you, princess?" He smirked, arrogantly.

You flushed. "S-Sort of."

Adding moisture to his lips, he retorted, "Well, you're pretty sexy yourself, Miss."

After this comment, you immediately retracted your gaze, opting to look around the room instead. "W-Where are we, anyway?" You asked, a little confused.

"My bedchambers." He replied, laughing at your face, which was now stained red.

"W-Why am I here??"

He shrugged. "You followed me, dollface."

"You dragged me!"

In a district far removed from the prying eyes of royal sentries, a hoard of villainous men and women alike resided. Their sanctuary had been built in haste, as their ancestors needed a safeguard, away from anyone who might wish to hurt them. Those people, namely the kings Enji Todoroki and Toshinori Yagi, were fierce yet kind rulers, protecting their realms while simultaneously warding away the evil that lurked around the bend. Although their relationship was strained, the kings banded together for the greater good, and finally succeeded in expelling the tyrants. However, nothing was ever so simple - spies had been recruited and placed around the perimeter of the realms. They often caught wind of conspiracies, and would venture into the twisting labyrinth of a wasteland where they were never supposed to find. The mice frequently managed safe journeys, but the grand dictator, All For One, had abilities that far exceeded those of any normal human; he could hear their footsteps, smell their shallow breaths, feel those tell-tale vibrations in the air. There was never any privacy in his castle, and certainly no safety.

If he sought after your head, he would receive it. However, unlike what the rumours suggested, he never abused this power, instead deciding to reserve it for the serious threats. There was no point waging war against the kings without sufficient battle tactics, and All For One remained wounded from his encounter with the stronger of the two: King Toshinori Yagi.

"What shall we do with him, master?" A raspy voice called out, partially muffled by the detachable hand covering his face.

The large, shadowy figure he addressed reclined in his throne, looking upwards and intertwining his fingers, as if contemplating the question. This was all pretence - he had already begun putting the plan in motion, after all. To ease his pupil's mind, he replied, "Bring him in. Question him. Torture him if you have to. If he has valuable information, let him live. If he refuses to speak in three days' time, execute him."

"As you wish."

Messy blue hair whipped in all directions as he signalled for a few of the people in the room. They followed his lead, heading out of the double doors and down the nearest hallway. With him, there walked a tall, lean individual with an ebony mane and oddly-symmetrical burn marks, the skin purple and wrinkling. It was held together crudely by metal hoop piercings. Beside him, a smartly-dressed man with wisps of purple and black mist in place of a body, and a young, blonde girl with a Cheshire-Cat grin. These were apparently the people for the job. In this world of tricks and magic, these four were the ringmasters, controlling the rest of the troupe with strings of steel.

"Who do we get to kill this time??" The girl asked, almost drooling in anticipation of the hunt.

"You heard what master said." Came the agitated response. "We capture him and try to get what we need. If he manages to stay sane for three days, then you can have your fun."

The patchwork zombie spoke next. "How are we doing this, then? We can't storm Enji Todoroki's castle."

As his words echoed around the walls, a swirling vortex appeared, growing bigger and bigger until it could allow for all four to plunge into the blackness. Two, however, were commanded to hold back - the girl and the man with purple patches of flesh. The warp gate closed as soon as the others stepped through.

The hunters were on the prowl.

"Ah...don't be shy. Admit it - you wanted to spend the night with me." Hawks gifted you a wink, both flirtatious and amused.

He must have been savouring your embarrassment. "I can't admit what isn't true." You glanced towards one of the massive, stained-glass windows lining the nearby wall. Although it was difficult to see, you determined that it was indeed night-time. How had you spent so long in the castle? You could have sworn it was early afternoon when you arrived, and you shouldn't have been there for more than a few hours. Your detour with this cocksure fairy didn't feel as though it had taken any more than half an hour. Perhaps that was just because your brain was preoccupied, enjoying the company it was in. "I should leave now. It's late, and my shop needs guarding."

"Haven't you fashioned some defence system? Surely (Y/n) (L/n), the oh-so-talented master-craftsman would be prepared for everything?" He taunted, clearly trying to back you into a corner.

"I'm afraid I can entertain you no longer, jester. I need to leave. Something strange is happening - can't you sense it? Those lanterns were my inventions, and I need to figure out why they died." Turning on your heel, you began to walk away from the blonde-locked man and his mahogany door.

However, his laugh stopped you in your tracks. "I guess I do act like a jester, don't I?"

Mysteriously, like smoke, his voice soon trailed off. You couldn't even begin to comprehend how such a flashy, boisterous person would all of a sudden go completely quiet. It wasn't just that - you couldn't hear anything but the ear-splitting silence, like static running through your veins. The walls weren't moaning, the floor wasn't creaking, and nobody seemed to be breathing. There were no sounds. None at all. It was as if Hawks, along with the very castle, knew something you didn't, but their lips were sewn shut. You wondered if the walls would collapse around you, burying you alive, or maybe the ghosts of Enji Todoroki's victims would seek revenge, but instead attach themselves to and haunt you until the end of your days.

"What-" You tried to break the ice that had settled like stalactites on the ceiling, but felt as though a veil was slowly being wrapped around your neck, preventing any more words from reaching the surface.

Suddenly, hands as warm as a furnace grasped your ice-cold ones and dragged you through the door. When you looked at him, you saw that his face held a serious expression. He definitely knew something - something bad. You wanted to ask, but couldn't quite find the words to do so. Stepping through the door felt weird, as if your feet weren't touching wood, but rather something less material. You squeezed your eyes shut tightly, opting to trust the man you had only recently met. After a few seconds, he tumbled on to a hard surface and, still being hand-in-hand, your body crashed into his. His head slammed into the brick, eliciting a faint, pained noise. Truth be told, he was in a lot of pain, but he didn't want you to have any anxieties about the situation, so he refrained from screaming. That was so much worse than stubbing your toe.

"You were surprisingly easy to catch, despite your profession. I did not expect you to have an accomplice, however. She could prove to be troublesome." The voice resonated in your ears painfully, like white noise.

"She's not an accomplice. I met her about two minutes ago - she looked lost, so I was just pointing her in the right direction." Hawks drew out the lie, allowing more time to think of an escape.

Whoever else was out there laughed. "We have orders, Hawks. You have been flying too close to the sun for a long time, and now it is your time to fall."

"So, what's the plan?" Hawks breathed, sparing a side-glance at your trembling figure. "Are you gonna put me in chains, lock me in the dungeons? You do have dungeons, right? I mean, this place is massive, and pretty much a castle."

"This place," The voice began. "Is a labyrinth."

You tugged at Hawks' sleeve. "What are you doing? Are you trying to get us killed??" You whisper-yelled, both furious with and concerned for the man.

"Out of tricks? That's such a shame. To answer your question: we will lock you in one of the many chambers within this labyrinth. There are so many corridors, that even if you were to escape from your cell, you would never reach the surface."

The air swirled in front of you, a mixture of black and purple. Two legs protruded from within, followed closely by a slim body, clad in a suit. Behind this imposing figure, another man stepped out of the darkness. He was dressed far lighter than the former, in only an onyx shirt, baggy trousers and slip-on shoes. You didn't recognise either of these men, given that you mostly stayed in your small town, never straying further than the treeline of the surrounding forest. Despite this, it was easy to reckon that they were the rumoured tyrants. At least, two of them. That thought made your hair stand on end, as though it had been exposed to a great deal of static electricity - what if there were more, hiding in the black void, ready to pounce at any moment? As if sensing your fear, one of the men (the one who seemed as if he might tend to a bar in his off-time), turned to address you.

"Miss, if you comply, then nothing shall be done to cause you harm." His tone was polite, but by that time, you had already chosen your side. You would remain with the person who had stolen your heart in a matter of minutes, with his witty, mischievous nature, and how he laughed in the face of danger, just to keep you safe.

So, although it might have been reason enough for your head to roll, you showed a level of defiance that they weren't expecting. The other man, whose voice was a lot more sickening, muttered something you couldn't hear, scratching his neck as he did so. His partner in crime seemed to sigh (though, with him having no discernible mouth, it was hard to tell), but elected against opposing his superior. The orders had already been given, after all, and any accomplice of the target must suffer the same, horrendous fate as him. You never knew what such seemingly innocent people could be hiding. Before he was grabbed, Hawks made an attempt to snare one of the stray knifes littered on the ground. His enemies noticed the plot, however, and ensured it wasn't followed through. A set of calloused hands gripped your neck and waist, hoisting you up on to your feet. You lashed out, but the hand around your neck clamped down harder, making you choke. You were gradually running out of oxygen. Soon, you couldn't handle the strain of fighting, and your body went limp, slumping against the blue-haired man. It was uncomfortable, but your vision was dimming, just like your lanterns back in the castle of Enji Todoroki. Just before you blacked out, you made the connection - they had been responsible for your burnt-out lights.

A spellbinding sight awaited your tired eyes - the walls were covered in ancient carvings, spiral-designs and other such patterns. You, alongside your companion, were confined in a large room, with no obvious doors or windows. You attempted to move, and although you had no bindings, your muscles were stiff. Almost immediately, your mind went into overdrive, trying to work out a viable escape plan. You could always create something to break through the wall, but you weren't sure how deep the labyrinth ran, and it seemed appropriate to assume that you would be easily captured. Raising a hand to your mouth, you began muttering to yourself, slowly piecing together a picture of what you were going to do. You needed to be extremely careful, as there were two lives on the line. If you were discovered mid-escape, it was likely that you would be executed, since you doubted Hawks had the skills required to take flight.

"...Flight! That's it!" You silently praised your ingenuity, glancing around to see if there was anything that could be of use. "Alright...I need the framework, and then something to hold them together. The shape needs to be perfect, for the air to pass over..."

Whilst in the midst of your mutterings, Hawks awoke and contemplated his situation. Then, he noticed you had been shoved into the same cell as him. An unfamiliar feeling welled up inside his chest, tugging at his heartstrings. It was a concoction of guilt, dread, love and sadness. You appeared to be working on something, kneeling in the dirt and presiding over your art. He stood with much effort, and he thought for a moment that his legs might have been broken. He managed to hobble over to where you were stationed, giving him a better view of whatever you were trying so desperately to complete. Your hands were moving rapidly, not letting him concentrate for very long. One minute, they just looked like smashed pieces of wood, but the next, they had a proper form.

"They'd be great if we could actually get out. Did you think about that, princess?" He had been in the labyrinth before, and knew just how tricky it was to navigate - it was meant to gradually drain your sanity, and make you compliant. If that didn't work, there was always good old-fashioned torture.

You responded after a few beats of silence. "You can do something about that, then. We'll need quite a large hole, or else these things won't get through."

Hawks smirked. "You're trying to get out? Bold of you to assume you can."

"Bold of you to suggest I can't." You countered, adding the finishing touches to your work. "Okay, now listen carefully - I managed to sculpt these out of scraps of wood, and I melted the wax from those candles." You pointed to them. "They will hold long enough to get us back to the realm of Enji Todoroki, but you cannot, under any circumstance, get caught in the heat of the sun. If you do, not only will you have wasted one of my creations, but you will plummet to your death. do you understand?"

There was a mischievous glint in his chocolate orbs. "You'd make a good gypsy, y'know."

You masked your smile behind irritation. "Do you understand?"

"Oh, completely. I just have to stay away from the sun, right?" He nodded.

"Correct." You released a breath you didn't know you had been holding; this man was going to be the death of you. A speck of silver flashed in your peripheral vision, and you directed your gaze accordingly. "Why would someone leave a hammer...?" You mumbled, confused.

Hawks hummed, then looked towards the object. "Well, seems like you've found our way out."

Stepping forwards without hesitation, he picked it up and did an initial, experimental swing. It collided with the wall of the labyrinth, severing the carvings and creating a small dent. His lips twitched upwards, and he held the hammer more firmly in his hands. He swung it again and again, shattering the wall almost entirely. To your surprise, it gave way to blinding sunlight and lush green land. Your mouth fell agape - both of you had been anticipating another layer of the winding entanglement. Nodding once to yourself, you handed a pair of wooden wings over to your accomplice, reminding him of your prior warning. Clasping your own tightly on to your person, you stood on the edge, looking down. You heard an awkward gulp from beside you - Hawks must have been nervous. Just before you were about to soar to freedom, a portal, black and purple, fissured a section of previously untouched wall. Two figures began marching into the frame.

You didn't give Hawks any time to think. With a hand on the wings, you propelled him forwards. You jumped out of the labyrinth after a few seconds, tailing closely behind Hawks, who was flapping his newly-acquired wings rather awkwardly. Although you detested the idea, you spared a brief glance back to your prison, seeing those two men standing among the ashes of the wall. Their faces displayed not anger, as you expected, but glee. Disturbed, you averted your eyes. They would not silence you. The people of your town would indeed hear your voice again, purchase your goods and request specific items. You would not be trapped.

Never again.

"Hawks, are you doing okay? Remember you need to move them yourself - just like a bird." You called, swooping past the blonde-haired man. An ecstasy-streaked expression had appeared on his face. You had to smile at this.

"This feels amazing! Damn, you really are good at making things. When we get back, could you jazz these up a bit for me?" He glided in the air, riding the wind, the breeze fluffing up his hair.

Below, a vast expanse of sea stretched out, going for miles and miles. You wanted to fly down, gently touching the surface with your feet, and making it look as though you were walking on water. Your eyelids flickered shut as you relished in Gaia's soft breaths. The clouds slowly ghosted past you. By the time you opened your eyes, it was far too late. Savouring the sweet taste of fresh air, like a starved child, Hawks had been consumed by a false sense of security. He neglected to recall your warning. The bright rays of the sun beamed down on his figure, washing an unpleasant heat over him. The wax which held his wooden wings together began to drip, raining down on the surface of the ocean like snowflakes. Soon, fractures started to show in the wood. You wanted to scream at him for being so idiotic. Instead, you dove towards the falling form. You missed by a millisecond. Speed was quickly becoming an issue, but you continued descending, reaching out a hand in the hopes that he would grab it. His arms and legs were flailing, and he couldn't seem to stay still for long enough. The water was luring him closer and closer.

In one last ditch effort, you howled out his name. "Hawks!"

His body met the blue liquid, and he was dragged down further, as if compelled by a magnet.

You caressed the water, watching and waiting for any sign of him. Tears were clouding your vision, cascading down your cheeks and eventually dripping down, into the sea. You didn't know if they would ever reach him, but you whispered a few words, distorted by sobs.

"...I warned you..."

[Word Count: 4779]

#hawks #bnha hawks #keigo takami x reader #keigo takami #boku no hero x reader #boku no hero imagines #greek myth retellings #icarus

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admiralty-xfd · 5 years ago

Text

ode to an evolved fox

You never believed it before; all that bullshit about women changing men. Everyone says it isn’t true, has never been true.

You still don’t believe it.

Perhaps you can rationalize what’s happened; lay out every piece of scientific evidence side by side, laid bare to pick apart and dissect. Analyze the data. Find the answer, the explanation, like you’re used to doing.

But you know it’s pointless. With him it’s never been about the data, the countless traits that compile, making him the man he was, is, will become.

With Mulder, it’s pure instinct. It’s a feeling. It always has been.

You feel it when you shake his hand and aren’t quite sure what you’re getting yourself into but somehow it seems fated. It pulls you forward on a particular path, unstoppable; this drive that wills you to follow him anywhere.

And you do. You follow him everywhere. You’ve never been the type of woman to follow a man.

You, Dana Scully, you run.

But you don’t run from him.

Instead you let him in, piece by piece, let him show you the wonders you would never have seen otherwise. Let him mold you, change you, improve you in ways you never thought possible.

And you do it slowly. Carefully. Because this thing between you, whatever it is, you cannot risk losing it. You cannot make this into something that will push him away because the truth is, as much as you try to convince yourself that loneliness is your choice, you need another person.

You need this person.

In what way you need him, you don’t know. You try to parse out what it all means, what he means to you; this man who’s taken up every last molecule of space in your life, every thought, every breath, every dream. Even every nightmare. You don’t know what to make of it.

The progression is gradual, glacial. Even more so considering the intensity of your work, the force with which your worlds have been pushed together, pulled apart; like taffy, sweet but impossible. Like whiplash.

You lie awake in your Georgetown apartment and think; of what happened today, what will happen tomorrow. And how none of it would be possible if he weren’t in your life. This relationship— no, this partnership, because with a partnership there is no one else, just the two of you— is the most precious thing you’ve ever had in your life and you cannot, you will not rock this particular boat.

You let him in because you have no choice, every part in succession, like you’re performing an autopsy: clean, deliberate, tedious.

First, his mind. That beautiful mind which inspires, teases, even arouses you. You hate it when men are smarter than you (because they rarely are) but this man is a challenge you never tire of facing. His brain stimulates your own as though it were a brand new organ. Like that feeling you get when you go skiing and afterwards physically quake from the exhaustion of using muscles you didn’t realize you had. It’s new and exciting. It’s better than sex. Almost.

Then comes his heart. It rushes in like a hurricane, a fierce love you feel in your own heart long before either of you use the word. It’s not romantic love, sexual love, not yet, at least. But it isn’t long before you want it to be. Even though your mind is telling you not to go there, this is biology. Science. Your refuge, this inexorable vestige of truth, and biology dictates this carnal desire.

For him.

The physical, tangible evidence of this love percolates for years, and waiting only feels wrong in moments of desperation: an ouroboros; a cancer diagnosis, an ex.

The perpetual compulsion to get on the same page, when you know it may never, ever happen.

He isn’t the guy for you. You know this deep down inside, in that place you rarely scrutinize because insisting he isn’t your perfect match in every possible way is the only thing you can do to keep yourself afloat; to keep him from pulling you underneath with him, to stop yourself from drifting down a current that will become an unstoppable whirlpool in which you’ll drown, drown forever.

Drown in him.

You never try to convince yourself you don’t love him because it’s never going to be true: you do love him, painfully, desperately. But you do try to convince yourself you could never be with him, not like that, that could never be.

He isn’t made for that.

This hesitancy keeps your partnership intact; avoiding this whirlpool, because the alternative still feels impossible. Turning your entire life over to him, to his care, is concerning.

It isn’t concerning. It’s fucking terrifying.

So you wait. You keep him at arm's length and in doing so you keep yourself safe from your own vulnerability. Waiting is how you are most comfortable.

He holds you when you need to be held, a respite from the day-to-day horrors you willingly signed up for. And he keeps his hands off you while neither of you are ready. He’s a gentleman through and through, and you love him even more for it. You both wait without feeling like you are waiting.

Time passes in moments. Nothing happens for a reason.

There are days you feel like giving in; letting yourself get swept up in all the things you love about him, all the things that keep you awake at night, all the things that invade your dreams while you sleep.

Mostly his eyes: the ones that feel like they were made to look at you and only you. The ones that house the trust you’ve come to expect, but also the love of which neither of you dare speak. His eyes can be frightening. You want to look into them forever; you want to look away.

You know it’s a bad idea, falling for him. So you choose loneliness yourself, again and again, for years.

Sometimes you wish time could stop like it did back in Oregon, that you could capture it in an Erlenmeyer flask and seal it up, enable the two of you to hang suspended between here and there forever. Between now and the inevitable. Between A and C. You wish it wouldn’t happen almost as much as you crave it.

You wish you could have known him as a young boy: before his family fell apart, before his trust was broken. Before Samantha.

Somehow you know Samantha is a pain that will never subside, not even after he learns the truth. But your truth is that you’ve waited for this moment for seven years: the moment you know his love belongs to you and you alone. It isn’t simply a product of this quest, of duress. It’s a choice he’s been unable to make before.

You’d die for Mulder, but you won’t allow yourself to love him.

He was right, that black-lunged son of a bitch. There are few things in life more disconcerting than your worst enemy seeing so clearly what you struggle daily to hide.

Except, perhaps, the disconcerting realization that your worst enemy is in fact the part of yourself that keeps you from the truth.

You’ll never really know if the cancer man’s words had an effect on you; if subconsciously, the idea of continuing to live a lie had been too hypocritical to face in your perpetual search for truth. But not long after this realization, you give in. You make a choice, you allow yourself to succumb.

You go to him in the night and without words you tell him you are ready. No… you show him you are ready. And from the way he accepts you with no hesitation; with longing and urgency and the deepest affection, you know he is finally ready too. This is the point of no return, the point where you give yourselves to each other entirely, completely. You trust him with the deepest love you could possibly express.

And you do love him. You love him so much you give him everything you have, all of you, every part until there is absolutely nothing left to give.

Clinging to each other in a dingy motel room after what feels like an entire lifetime of heartache later, even as you cling to hope, you know the truth. This won’t work, it can’t work. He’ll never stop and get out of the car. He’ll never want that, even if you do.

Years later, he isn’t lying when he tells you he’s the one who hasn’t changed. He isn’t. He hasn’t.

And even though you hate yourself for thinking it, for wishing it; that’s the problem.

He chooses the darkness every time. Even when inky blackness surrounds you both until you can’t see each other anymore; until you can’t look into his eyes and find him there, eager, willing, passionate. The man you fell in love with.

You love him still. You’ll love him endlessly.

It isn’t his fault you have to go.

He once compared himself to a shark; told you a shark never stops swimming. You want him to stop swimming so badly but he won’t, he can’t stop. He’s not built to stop. If he stops, he will die.

It isn’t his fault that you fell in love with a shark.

Loneliness is a choice.

This is the crux of your dilemma: this is the inherent contradiction of Dana Scully: that you’d fall hopelessly in love with a man who cannot be the kind of man you need. That you’d allow it to happen despite your years of holding back, despite your rational brain advising against it. That you’d follow him again and again, to the ends of the earth, to your undoing, even, desperate love your sole motivator.

That love is what makes everything worth it, absolutely everything... until it isn’t worth it anymore.

And the final, cruel insult, is that after all you’ve lost, all you’ve sacrificed, your only option is to relinquish him as well.

You can choose loneliness again, you think. It feels good to be out of the tank for a while. But that’s the thing about tanks: the wall that separates you from him is made of glass. You can still see him, swimming around and around. He can see you. Even though you’ve left the warmth of his arms, of the bed you once shared, he is still a part of you. He swims through your veins.

All you want is him, Fox Mulder, to make a choice between you and the darkness. All you want is, for once, to see him choose the light.

It takes you a long time to see it; to really see. As it always has.

But today, you see it.

Today, it isn’t about believing. It’s about seeing. And you see it with your own eyes.

I don’t know if any God is listening, but I am standing right here, and I am listening. Right beside you. I’m all ears. That’s my choice.

You didn’t change him; you couldn’t, and you wouldn’t. You never wanted that. You only wanted him to want to make that choice.

He lights a candle, finished choosing darkness. For the first time it isn’t about a feeling, at least not only a feeling. It’s reason and faith in harmony. It’s A to B to C. It’s the man you’ve loved for half your life finally making a choice, and that choice is you.

You still don’t believe a woman can change a man. Because you weren’t the one who changed him.

He did it himself, and he did it all for you.

#msr #txf fanfic #fox mulder #dana scully #nothing lasts forever #my fic

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