#just saw someone make fun of a person who said that small businesses still exploit workers even if they're independently run

[truecorvid]

i need to get off of the internet i can't stand online "leftists" anymore i can't do this

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 34

💖 first time reader click here 💖

A little bit of plot, but mostly ironstrange x reader filthy porn. Bukkake stuff. Stephen finally opening up a lil bit, I mean... I've slept through a 1/3 of a hospital and lemme tell you, doctors are kinky bastards. On the same note, there's definitely going to be a chapter where all three men are involved after the plot shit is resolved.

There was something big brewing. I had a hunch... which was more like a strong sense of doom... hanging over me and the rest of the world. Peter also had noticed the sudden spike in anxiety, quoting the sudden disappearance of many low-tier mutants from the streets. Usually, Peter dealt with at least a few enhanced enemies during his patrols but the closer it got to Christmas, the less enhanced bothered with small-time crimes, the more intense the buzzing of his Spidey sense became.

Now that my immediate lack of income wasn't a problem anymore, I set business onto that damn mercenary. I was no spy, I was no SHIELD operative but... I could be very clever.

First things first, I had to make sure I would stay alive no matter what. A subdermal tracker was a good guarantee of security and I spent many hours making one - having to keep it a secret was incredibly hard, I hated lying to my loves and I hated avoiding Wanda even more - I was constantly on the edge around the telepath, hyperfocused on keeping up the pretense of normalcy.

I wouldn't be me if I couldn't successfully pull off a whole ass façade. Unfortunately, the continued failures of the people searching left and right for the mercenary only fueled my strength for the inevitable fuck-fest that I would have to create in order to make sure my people get the peace they fucking deserve. The web of lies grew in size every damn day.

Subdermal tracker, an implant that reports directly to Friday upon activation. It hurt like a bitch - I had cut myself open, an inch wide gash on the inside of my forearm - and put it in without any anesthesia in my own bathroom, not even thinking twice before making up a lie that I had been careless in the lab and hurt myself.

An antidote to common tranquilizers, creating it gave me a headache the size of Moscow but I'd been successful; Tony assembled the whole team when he found it out, offering me a ridiculous amount of money for the formula. It was weird. SHIELD was interested, too, and I had to witness Tony and Coulson argue. Apparently, the agency wanted to recruit me and Tony was adamantly against it, totally forgetting the promise Natasha had given me. In the end, the spy and Coulson shared a quiet conversation and the man left, respectfully complimenting my skills.

I sold the formula to Stark Industries, unable to get rid of the weirdness of the situation. I had to shake hands with my own boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend... In a business setting. What. Just what. Bucky and Stephen couldn't stop laughing at the face I made all throughout that day - and Clint even went as far as to bake me a gag cake, a cartooney handshake drawn in frosting on top of it. I hit him with a spatula, Loki smiled in his direction for the first time in, like, ever. It was a trip and Tony had way too much fun with the incident.

Perhaps, turning myself into a cyborg stew wasn't the best plan that was possible to think up in a few weeks' time but I've never claimed to be exceptionally intelligent; if anything, I've always considered myself to be a moderately educated idiot. It is common knowledge that there are two halves of a whole idiot: my second half was on his way from California, having had received my very detailed e-mail about the whole cursed box fiasco and the consequences that followed. I could barely contain my excitement at the prospect of seeing uncle Eddie and his symbiote again.

Tony wasn't even half as excited; if anything, he bordered on outright hostile, bickering, and sassing everybody left and right. It could have been the situation at hand finally getting on his last nerves. It could have been his jealousy, the same that appeared every time I paid extra attention to someone that wasn't him, Bruce or Stephen. Either way, Bruce was sighing all the time now and Stephen's remarks began to fill with poison once again.

Just like the good old times, I guess. I was forced to pull a Me over and over, interrupting their petty arguments with increasingly absurd remarks. I felt like everybody was laughing at me these days, which ended in only one way it could have...

"Brat," Stephen's patience was paper-thin and, being forcefully distracted from yelling at Tony, he directed his angst at the nearest person - me. "I oughta put you over my knee. I swear to Cosmos..."

"Blah, blah, blah. Don't you ever get tired of listening to yourself talk?" I raised my eyebrows, tone deceptively calm. "You're talking too much for someone who can't even..." I didn't get to finish my sentence, suddenly finding my mouth firmly glued shut. It was magic - the sensation was pulling, but not unpleasant. Reminded me of a ball gag Tony had used on me in the early days of our relationship.

"Now, Dumbledore, hold your horses..." Tony interjected looking none-too-happy. The engineer placed a warning arm on the sorcerer's bicep, their little spat seemingly forgotten.

"What, Tony? She's been nothing but a mouthy urchin the past few days, I can't stand it anymore," They shared a meaningful look; no matter how much Tony wanted to argue, he knew Stephen was right. What he didn't know was that there probably have been a magic versus science altercation... Or worse. Humiliation was a small price to pay for some (relative) peace.

I did what I do best. I annoyed them further, throwing up a juicy middle finger to the two men and turned around with a huff, mind set on finding Loki to undo the mute ban Stephen gave me. Needless to say, I didn't make it very far.

In mere seconds, I was sandwiched between the two men, Stephen's finger delicately holding my chin to force me to look into his eyes. Tony was holding onto my shoulders from behind me - I could feel the tension, my engineer was almost buzzing with it. I was pretty sure my eyes were laughing anyway because Stephen's frown slowly transformed into a coy smirk once his stormy blues focused on my face.

"Brat," He repeated once again. "She's doing this on purpose."

"I can't say I'm surprised," Tony's breath tickled the nape of my neck. "That does sound like our little Princess," Apparently, it took all of a 0.1 second for Tony to switch from annoyed to horny. Men, they were so easy to play. "Baby, if you wanted our attention you could have just said so," He chastised me, hands sliding down to my waist.

I hummed, and then aggressively hummed some more until Stephen removed the magical gag. "Not like you'd notice it, being occupied with tearing each other's hair out," I pouted.

The sorcerer briefly averted his eyes, leaning down to softly kiss my pout. It was very unlikely I'd get an actual apology but a kiss I won't be complaining about either. "So, your best tactic was to annoy us even more? How does that work out for you?"

I pulled on the tied fabric around his waist, bringing him closer to me. "Pretty good, if I'm being honest. You're exactly where I wanted you to be," Carelessly, I began untying the layers of silks and cotton I had become intimately familiar with over the course of the past few weeks. Most of the time Steph wore his wizard garbs and while figuring out how to undo them was a trip at first, I had gotten him desperate enough a few times, for him to show me a few tips and tricks for easier access.

Tony snorted somewhere behind me. "You just want us for our bodies," His hands wormed their way under my shirt, brushing the underside of my breasts. Bra? Hardly know her. "Our beautiful, sexy bodies." Yes Tony, very humble.

"When will you learn, people?" I asked rhetorically, simultaneously leaning into both Tony's and Stephen's touch. "Why fight each other when you could be fucking me into oblivion instead?"

Stephen snorted, still not completely used to the at times crude things that left my (and occasionally Tony's) mouth. I had a hunch the sorcerer was holding back somewhat - for whatever reason - and I was eagerly waiting for him to get comfortable enough to reveal that special part of himself. Whatever it was, I just knew it was delicious and sinful and-

"Do you really think I will be giving you what you want after your little... Stunt?" Steph went balls out; his voice dropped and the intensity of his stare left me breathless. The hand that was stroking my face wrapped around my throat as he had some sort of a silent conversation with Tony.

"Yeah," I emphasized the word with an inaudible 'duh' behind it but obediently trotted along as Stephen backed up towards the couch, leading me by the throat like a pet on a leash. I was steadily going into 'no thoughts, head empty' territory.

"I like it when you get all bossy," Tony remarked casually but he was close enough for me to hear the strain in his voice. Every time we fucked, Tony eagerly gave up the control to Stephen. I definitely saw the appeal. Stephen Strange demanded authority effortlessly, his stern but fair attitude simply demanded to kneel.

That's just what I did. As soon as Stephen made himself comfortable on the Italian leather couch, I dropped to my knees, looking up at the man with big round eyes. Just like Tony and Bruce, Stephen had his own weaknesses when it came to moi and I wasn't ashamed to exploit them. Steph's stroked my hair, carding careful fingers through it, slowly unbuttoning his pants with his other hand.

"If you insist on being mouthy, I have a better task for you," He husked, pulling me closer towards him. I called it his doctor voice. Honestly, I don't have a clue how his surgical team could be around him with their pants on back in the day... The man was a snack on a silver platter.

Steph's erection sprang free. I didn't hesitate to wrap my hand around it, stroking the underside of his glans just like he liked it, looking to the side where Tony landed on the couch next to Stephen, a curious look on his face. Yeah, Tony liked to watch. Me and Stephen or me and Bruce... Me and Stephen and Bruce? That's an idea for later.

"Don't mind little old me," Tony smirked his trademark Stark mischief, getting comfortable, ditching his oil-stained shirt and unbuttoning his pants to lazily palm himself through his boxers. "Carry on," The smirk only grew when Tony noticed both me and Steph eyeing him with amusement.

I hid my grin, nodding my head, before wrapping my lips around the tip of Stephen's cock, relaxing my throat to prepare for the intrusion. Sweet and salty, the slit on his cockhead was mercilessly teased by the tip of my tongue.

Stephen murmured encouragements under his breath as I began to bob up and down, him controlling the pace with a hand in my hair, just the right balance between cruel and gentle. The sorcerer was always too good to me, bringing me to the point of overstimulation and instantly soothing the ache afterward; "Fuck, darling, your mouth feels like heaven," He groaned as I snuck a look upwards to see his lips parted and a steady flush crawling up his neck.

"She knows how to work a man, doesn't she?" Tony's lust had him panting, hips moving into his own hand. He leaned closer to Stephen, brushing my hair behind my ear with a tender hand. "Merlin needs to share," Tony began pulling me in his direction. I reluctantly let go of Stephen's cock, keeping up the pace with my hand as I scooted closer to Tony to be able to mouth at his stiff erection.

Watching me suck cock always got Tony hard enough to pound nails with. I couldn't blame him, I knew what I could do and did well; by the time I made my way down his thick flesh, drool was dripping down my chin and the make-up around my eyes was surely smeared by tears. My engineer was much less gentle than Steph, pounding my face without reservations.

"I know you can take it, baby girl, fuck," My face was held in his strong grip, thumbs digging into my jaw. "Such a good girl," The two words went straight down to my pussy and I had to squirm and clench my thighs together, whining at the lack of friction.

The air was pierced by a low moan - Stephen was fisting his erection almost desperately now, almost as desperately as I was humping the air, whining like a bitch in heat at the taste of Tony's cock in my mouth. I knew neither of the men would last long, not with all that pent up tension running through their minds and bodies.

"Fuck, come here, baby girl," The engineer yanked me off his cock, gripping the base of it so forcefully his knuckles turned white. I was all but dragged into the space between them; still kneeling, barely seeing with snot and tears smeared all over my face, I couldn't hold in the broken moan as the realization set in.

"Keep your eyes open!" Steph instructed furiously, scooting to tower over me. Tony followed in his steps as I obediently lifted my eyes to their cocks and then their faces; nearly identical furrowed brow expressions stared back at me, lips moist and eyes wide. Both men stroked themselves with renewed vigor.

I hummed softly before sticking out my tongue; their reaction didn't let me wait long. Strings of pearly white cum landed in my hair, on my face; I felt the warmth on my skin and tasted their salt and musk on the tip of my tongue, reflexively swallowing each and every drop that landed in my mouth, savoring it just like I savored the sinful groans that left their mouths.

"Fuck, you're so good to us," Tony panted, gracelessly falling backward onto the couch.

Stephen, however, didn't hurry to catch his breath, giving me a thoughtful look. His fingers shook more than ever but he paid no mind to the discomfort, gathering the cum dripping down my face with two fingers and offering it to me, holding them up to my lips as I gently cleaned them off. And he did it again, and again, until Tony gave a weak moan of recognition, throwing an arm under his head.

"Be polite, Princess," Stephen's voice hadn't lost the lust in it just yet.

"Thank you, sir," I mumbled, utterly captivated by the way he was looking at me. Stormy blues radiated a strong sense of intensity, devotion perhaps, that I wasn't ready for.

Stephen smiled at me, almost coyly, before kneeling right next to me and bringing me over the edge with a few sharp, clever movements of his hand. I held onto his shoulders for dear life, barely noticing Tony's reaction - if there was one - my other lover seemed to be as surprised as I was, choosing to hang back and observe the unusual situation.

I had a feeling that whatever it was, it would make another appearance during our playtime. It wasn't just sex, it wasn't making love - it was... Something. I loved every second of it.

@another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​ @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie @mikariell95 @gladiosamicitias @toomanyrobins @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming

[skylarmoon71]

Hero Killer (Stain) Oneshot

"How about we have some fun." 

You glared at the drunk male standing in front of you. You just finished a shift from your job. All you really wanted was a bath and some food. That was until this drunk got in your way. With all the heroes running around the city you would think one of them would have the decency to be present when it really counted. You didn't have time for this and you really didn't feel like getting your hands dirty.

"Beat it." 

You barked not even glancing up at him as you walked past the intoxicated idiot. He yelled after you, clearly not taking your words seriously. Before you could react he was floored. In front of you was a man in a spandex suit. He wasn't a well known hero, but you could tell from the arrogant look on his face he was probably one of those cocky types. "You're safe now." He assured. You didn't really need it, but decided not to be rude. "Thanks." you mumbled turning to leave. He grabbed your hand.

"Come on, I just saved your life, surely you can do something for me to return the favor." Your gaze hardened at what he was suggesting. He licked his lips moving closer. You were completely oblivious to the villain above you on the building, watching the scene unravel. Maybe if you'd known he was there you would have not acted because the notorious villain stopped when you spun around delivering a vicious punch to the hero's jaw. Said hero catapulted into a nearby building, going right through the wall. You rubbed your wrist where he held you with a grumble. "Dumbass."

Stain could hardly believe what he saw, he was so sure you'd been a normal civilian. It was clear that wasn't the case. "Then she must be a hero."

The thought irked him. He was about to deal with the one that obviously had less than pure intentions with you, but you'd handled it quite well. He settled for following you down the road. When you turned, he made himself known. "You're strong." your eyes lifted at the voice. There was a  man you perched up on the building. The torn red cloth he had around his neck was blowing with the wind, along with the bandages on various areas of his body.

Your eyes opened a little wider. Now you were on guard. You knew exactly who this was.

"What do you want!" you demanded clenching your fist. "Damn it, all I wanted was a nice bath and some food. Is that too much to ask for." Your perfectly planned night was slowly going down the drain. He jumped down, standing before you with his katana drawn. He was crouched slightly, marking you like an animal.

From all the rumors you heard, you had to admit he was different from what you imagined.

Some said he had sharp razor teeth, others commented he had a morphed face. It was weird, he looked so...human. Not the monster your mind conjured. Then again, was he really a monster? He took out corrupted heroes. Ones who used their powers to exploit others. So who was the real the villain in this scenario.

Right now you really didn't give a shit, you just hoped he didn't think you were his next target.

"You're not a hero." it didn't sound like a question. His red eyes were moving as if trying to place you.

You gave a dry laugh. "I don't give a crap about that shit. Like hell am I a hero. In this corrupted society the name doesn't have any appeal to me." you commented.

You didn't really care what was going on, the battle between heroes and villains wasn't a concern to you. You just wanted to be left alone. "That being said, I have no problem beating any worthless piece of scum that tries anything." you lifted your hands, preparing for a fight.

His gait changed completely, he raised, sheathing his weapon.

"Then I have no business with you." And just like that he turned, walking off. You stood there for a while, wondering if this was some trick he was using to make you lower your guard. It wasn't, in a matter of seconds he was gone, disappearing into the night.

"That was...strange.." you thought for sure he would attack. Despite your very short meeting, you sort of wanted to see him again. Something about him had you intrigued, especially since he was nothing like the stories circulating around the city.

~~~~

The next time you met, he was bleeding out in the back off an alley. At first you didn't know it was him. You were taking a shortcut to get to your apartment. When you got to the corner you saw him, leaned against the wall clutching his stomach. He probably assumed he could move around freely since it was so late. He'd never move so freely around the city otherwise, especially with the bounty out on him. Hundreds of heroes wanted his head on a pike.

"It's you again, Stain." you called. His head turned sharply and he flung a smaller blade in your direction. You moved to the side easily, causing it to dig into the wall behind.

His eyes narrowed. "What do you want, woman." You stepped closer. You knew it wasn't exactly a smart idea. Even injured you were positive he could win a battle. He wouldn't have survived so long if one wound was all it took to incapacitate him.

"Looks like you're in a bit of a bind. " he straightened his form, hand going back to his blade that hung off his waist. "Calm down there, I'm not looking for a fight. " He didn't draw his sword, but his eyes were still fixed on you. "That doesn't look very good, maybe I can help." you were startled by your own words.

Why the hell you were assisting a killer, you had no idea. Yet, you'd never been someone to walk away from a person in need of help. Even though you resented the thought of being a hero, you knew when the moment called for it you'd never just leave if someone was in danger. Of course that logic didn't apply to villains, but Stain wasn't like any of the villains you met. Not that you made a habit of encountering dangerous people.

He didn't speak, so you weren't sure if that was an invitation to help or not. Since he didn't look like he was going to skewer you with his sword, you just took it as a yes. You were just a few feet away from him now. You could clearly see the gaping hole in his abdomen. You were surprised he was still standing. Through the entire ordeal his eyes never left you. You could see the blood running down his body, staining his outfit.

You looked down at your hand, raising your finger to your mouth. You bit your thumb, drawing blood. "What are you doing." came his gruff voice. The sound made you flinch. "U-Uhh.. It's a bit hard to explain. Just bare with me." You opened your other hand, smearing the blood into your palm.

When it was covered in a thin layer of blood you turned to him. You gestured to him, indicating that you needed to make contact. If he thought for a second you were trying to harm him he would kill you in an instant, so all your movements were slow. You stepped closer and against your will your hand shook as you pressed it to his stomach. You held it there for a few seconds. For a while nothing happened, then he felt a burn. He pulled back, clenching his teeth.

His hand moved back to its spot to pull out his sword. Before he could, he looked down when he felt the pain in his stomach subsiding. The injury was closing all on its own. He was stunned.

"My blood doesn't just give me strength, I can transfer that strength to anyone I choose. "

You informed. It didn't take long for the wound to heal itself. When it did you stepped back.

"Well, that's it. Good luck with your future endeavours." you called turning your back as you waved at him like nothing happened. He sweatdropped. "This woman.." he couldn't for the life of him understand you. This never happened before. People always ran from him in fear, for good reason of course. But you just helped him, as if he were a neighbor or a friend. He needed answers.

"Wait." the firm tone caused you to halt. "Why help me, what do you get out of it?" You placed your finger under your chin thinking.

"Umm, well just think of it as a thank you for not killing me last time." you spoke nonchalantly. You gave him a small smile. "See ya later Stain." he watched you wearily, taking a step back as he jumped into the sky, scaling up the nearest building.

"It makes no sense." Stain was left with nothing but his jumbling thoughts. He didn't like the feeling that rose in his chest when you smiled. He was a killer for goodness sake. Whatever it was he wanted it to pass, quickly. If only it was that simple.

~~~

"You really shouldn't be on the streets all hours of the night (Y/N)-chan!" your friend lectured from the other side of the phone. You whined. "But I'm hungry!" you complained. You knew you shouldn't be out 3am in the morning but you were starving, and there wasn't any food in your apartment. You still hadn't made groceries for the month, so you were left with nothing but your growling stomach. 

So you left to get something to help your hunger. After furiously assuring her that you were okay, you kept on your journey. You went into a store just grabbing as many snacks as you could, and a couple packets of ramen noodles. "This should do it." you paid at the counter, walking out with a huge smile. You walked through the streets, munching on a pocky stick.

"Yummy, yummy yum~" you sang taking stick after stick. You froze when a shadow casted over you. Your head lifted at the man standing on the building just above. "Ah, Stain. You're alright." although you knew your quirk healed his wound last time, he left in such a hurry you couldn't tell if he'd fully recovered. "Why do you look so relieved, are you that naive." you frowned at his statement.

"I just wasn't sure if it worked all the way since you ran off like a scared little kitten last time. " you snapped. You knew what you said would tick him off. What you didn't anticipate was his reaction to said words. In a matter of seconds you were pressed to the wall, your bag of treats forgotten on the floor. He'd lifted one of his blades, pressing it into the side of the wall, right next to your face. His free arm formed a barrier on the other side.

Your eyes widened when he leaned in, a scowl on his lips. "What are your intentions, you said you hated heroes, yet you do an awful lot of heroic deeds." you stiffened when you realized he had to have been following for a while you to know that. Yes, you did hate heroes, but only the corrupted ones. That didn't mean you'd just let bad things happen to innocent people. "Maybe you're just another one of those false heroes, hiding in this broken society." You gritted your teeth, getting into his face.

"I'm not!" you were fuming, and it took you awhile to realize just how close you were to him. You blushed, trying but failing to control it. The close proximity was doing unusual things to your body. If you were honest, since the first time you meant you couldn't stop thinking about him. If you told any of your friends that they would have looked at you like you were a crazy person.

"W-What the hell is wrong with me he's a villain I can't be attracted to him, stop hammering stupid heart!" Something changed in his eyes. His blade faltered and he was staring at you in what appeared to be shock. The weapon clattered to the floor, and something seemed to dawn on you. "Did I...say that out loud.." he didn't answer, just stepped back.

You stayed pressed to the wall, unsure what to say or do.

It couldn't be, this was a trick, it had to be, an illusion. Maybe a side effect of metabolizing your blood. The flustered look on your face assured him that it was reality, not some delusion.

"Fuck." he thought bringing a hand up to the side of his face. The way you were staring at him now made him uneasy. There was too much fondness in your gaze, he couldn't understand it. Couldn't process it. So he did the only logical thing, he took off. You were rooted in your spot. You could have been wrong, but maybe just maybe, he felt just a little of what you did for him. You sighed. Now you would never know, because he'd probably never appear in front of you again.

~~

You busied yourself with chores around the house. You'd finally made your monthly groceries. You were packing your foods and drinks away happily. Relieved that you now had food to get you through the days to come. You pulled out a box, and your eyes lingered on the snack for a while.

"Pocky sticks.." the little treat brought back memories of that night. You hadn't seen him since then. You should have been ecstatic, nothing good could come of getting involved with him. If only you could convince your heart of that. "G-Gyah! What the hell am I moping about? He isn't even that cute! T-Those dumb ruby eyes, and stupid muscled biceps, soft looking lips.." Somehow your cons list turned into a pros list. You face palmed.

"Who am I kidding, the guy is a freaking god in my eyes." you sulked, pissed at your contradicting brain. A knock at your window brought you out of your inner turmoil. You tilted your head, assuming maybe some small animal just accidentally knocked into it. You pulled the curtain aside to investigate, not expecting the man who was on the other side of your window.

"Y-You came back.." well, this was a surprise. You lifted it, cold air greeting you. Your curtains swayed with the blow of the wind, and Stain entered, eyes still studying you. You turned as he now stood in your kitchen. You shifted on your feet. If someone told you before you'd be in such a situation you would have laughed in their face.

"Listen I-" he stopped you, moving into your personal space. Your back ended up hitting the fridge.

He pressed himself to your body and you shivered, not predicting this at all. Both hands had you trapped to the appliance. You closed your eyes. As strong as you were, that one action of his turned your body into putty. You let out a staggering breath. "Go on, scream." Your eyes sprung open and you could see the conflict in his eyes.

He was thoroughly convinced that you felt nothing for him, so he came to prove it. He was..testing you. "He doesn't think that he..deserves it.." maybe he was right. He killed for a living. In no world could that have been okay. But maybe, maybe you could change that. Maybe he just needed someone to guide him down the right track. Someone to let him know that he was more than a ruthless murderer, because when you looked at him that wasn't what you saw.

Your body moved on instinct, leaning into him. In a matter of seconds your lips were firmly pressed to his. Stain all but shut down. For the first time in his life he was paralyzed. His lack of response didn't even phase you. You leaned on your toes, gripping into the clothing on his chest as you kissed him insistently.

He backpedaled, almost crashing into your table. When he regained his footing he groaned. You were still kissing him as if it were the very air you needed to breathe. When he could no longer fight against your advances he returned the kiss. You moaned in the back of your throat, begging for entrance into his mouth. He complied, his tongue meeting your own. You whimpered when he took control of your mouth easily. His tongue rivaling yours. You pulled back, sucking in mouthfuls of air.

A small trail of saliva ran down your chin, and the desperate look on your face to taste him again must have been obvious. He was still catching his breath. "M-More please.." you couldn't believe this. You were begging him. You didn't recognize your own voice. Your hands reached up and instead of asking you just took what you needed the most. Your lips rejoined, groping at his muscled body. All his weapons were in the way. You reached around, unlatching the strap that kept them up.

They fell to the ground with a thud and you were grateful, now you could feel him. He growled at you probing fingers, he pushed you unto the table, luckily there was nothing on it. You stared up, his body hovering over you. Neither of you spoke, just gazed at each other. For a full minute it was like that. You couldn't take it, his stare, it was making heat gather between your legs. You pressed them together, hoping he didn't figure out what just his eyes were doing to you.

"You're mine now, there's no escaping." 

You should have been terrified that he was making a claim on you. This entire situation was crazy if you thought about it. Yet you couldn't bring yourself to be afraid. How could you when he was looking at you with so much longing in his eyes. He wasn't the heartless killer everyone thought, and you would make everyone see that.

Right after you kissed him like there was no tomorrow.

[cadomoisspokenfor]

Legion Rewatch Notes,

Chapter 6:

Balance

Farouk later says he made all this to keep David comfortable. But then why go through the effort of having therapy sessions with anyone else? Is he just delighting in the gaslighting?

Small thing, Ptonomy’s not technically a psychic in the same way David/Farouk/Oliver are, but he does have well practiced mental abilities. I wonder if it takes more work to trick him than the others. Same for Walter I guess.

“I like to think i’m a time traveller. I can go back and back, but all I can do is... watch.” Sad and also relevant for future episodes. Thinking about it, this a pretty character defining statement for Ptonomy. Perfect recollection of all the horrible things he’s seen in the past, but never able to change anything.

Also, Farouk sat there and listened to Ptonomy’s entire story patiently and quietly. To what end?

Do Cary and Kerry still think of themselves as siblings in this simulation? Or are they just codependent friends?

So Walters problem is fragile masculinity?

Why is Syd able to see through Farouks delusion? Why doesn’t Farouk do anything about it?

I theorized once that Syd could see through it cause she knows what it’s like to be in the white room, but Ptonomy and Melanie have been in the astral plane too. And Ptonomy prides himself on knowing when he’s in reality. Could it be that Syd just has a really strong sense of self? Because of her power I mean. “Everywhere I go, I’m me.” It’s also possible Syd holds no insecurities about whether she’s psychotic or not. So when reality suddenly changes, she doesn’t just brush it off.

Is Farouk over inflating parts of Amy’s real personality, or is this just a completely inserted personality with no tangible connection to the real Amy?

This isn’t how David sees Amy, but maybe it’s how Farouk sees her, for holding David back?

Ptonomy takes Lenny’s place here. By Farouk’s design, or is it just to show similarities between their personalities? Ptonomy can be a bit cruel towards people with trauma and grief.

David no longer loves dogs.

“Paul” and not “Ptonomy”. I think it’s just a nickname, and I *think* they use it later too.

“I just feel so in control here. Like- my expectations... I’m not trying to bite off more than I can chew...” David feels most comfortable with low expectations and small and manageable goals. This feels really relevant for later.

I think Lenny here realizes she’s made David too comfortable. He’s never gonna want to leave and become a God if this keeps up. Also, his attachment to Syd keeps him from becoming what Farouk wants him to be.

On that attachment, this is maybe the most at peace we’ve ever seen and will ever see David be in the show. And he cites his relationship with Syd as the reason.

(Small note) I don’t think it’d be fair to say that David moving forward, or even David before this, not prioritizing their relationship all the time is a mistake on his part. Even though the show sorta paints it to be one, most of the time when he’s pulled away it was either to save someone in mortal danger, or to stop a global threat. David’s constantly dealing with the classic superhero dilemma, but the others don’t seem to see what they’re putting him through. Or in some cases they do and think he should just get over it. Curse of his powers I guess.

“People always talk about the depression. But it’s the other side, that... invulnerable feeling. Tha- it’s.... dangerous.” The more David gives into the thought that he is a powerful mutant who can’t be damaged by anything, the more dangerous he becomes. This one’s hard to reconcile cause it means even if he wanted to use his powers for good he couldn’t because it’s treated as a slippery-slope to him becoming a villain. Dammit, Hawley...

Farouk clearly knows what makes David happy, but continues to try pushing him into the “I am God” thing despite this. Perhaps this is what he regrets in s3? He could’ve given David exactly what he needed, but like many parents, he wanted his kid to be a miniature version of him. He thought that was what was best for him. Later he’ll realize it wasn’t.

Melanie’s airplaning her food to no one. Is she just pretending or does she actually see Oliver there? Probably the former.

Cary and Kerry’s in-syncness isn’t always all that relevant to the greater plot, but it’s always fun to see.

Farouk’s probably still trying to build up David’s subconscious hatred of Amy.

David’s real upset about the pie. This note’s not necessarily important, I just feel bad for him 🥺.

Also, Syd tried to use this as an opportunity to get out of eating cherries. Valiant effort.

Those bugs are in the white room too. Is Farouk even leaving those on purpose? Or is it more like a mental infection?

The bugs are gone when Syd and the others are looking at it, but they reappear after she sits back down.

Farouk probably hasn’t gotten to flex his powers *this strongly* in 30 years. Hence the “Feeling good” dance sequence.

The same weird thing behind the glass that was in David’s room in Chap 1 is in Syd’s room this ep.

Syd’s also having nightmares about the real world here, just like she will in s3.

I reiterate, how can Syd tell?

MAYBE, the reason Syd could tell is she’s actually been in the real Clockworks before. The rest haven’t. Well, David has, but I don’t think he *wants* to question things right now. Being with Syd in Clockworks was a real happy time for him. Syd describes it like a feeling of deja vu. It’s all reruns to her, but... slightly edited reruns. A constant feeling of “that’s not how this went.” (Small note) It should be considered that David actively resist believing in anything supernatural because of his previous diagnosis. Ans his current one too, probably.

David feels the outside world is too complicated for him. “Too loud.” “I need the routine, the grounding. I’m good.” Interestingly, Dr. Busker’s the one who tells him the outside side worlds not cut out for everybody. Seems counterintuitive to her/Farouk’s goals.

David’s completely comfortable with growing old and dying in a mental hospital. This wasn’t the case at the start of Chap 1. I think the only thing that changed was Syd came into his life.

“I can’t stay here.”

“Not even for me?”

David’s relationship with Syd makes him feel happy and safe and comfortable, but Syd can’t stagnate. She assumedly has dreams outside of David or anything going on with Summerland. *Assumedly* since we’re not necessarily shown what those might be. (There is that alternate timeline where we see her in the back of a limi driving past homeless David)

This is all to say, their lives right now are too busy for them to sit down and talk about it, but there are hints that their long-term relationship goals are incompatible with each other.

It’s not brought up a lot but Kerry has a lot of chemical and prescription terms memorized. Probably from paying attention during Cary’s career, but still, it does make me wonder how she knows so little about other aspects of life in s2.

According to www.uofmhealth.org “Clozapine is an antipsychotic medicine that is used to treat schizophrenia after other treatments have failed.”

(Small aside for drug talk) [According to www.rxlist.com “Effexor (venlafaxine) is an antidepressant used for treatment of major depression.”

Those are the 2 drugs Cary and Kerry say Syd might be on. Said in response to Syd talking about the strange dreams she’s been having.

One of the listed side effects of Effexor is “strange dreams.”

Clozapine has a lot of things listed but I don’t see anything about effecting dreams. I do see drowsiness and muscle problems listed though, and Syd looks like she trips a bit before starting to talk about her dream.]

I didn’t realize on previous watches that Cary and Kerry both had Oliver related dreams. Cary saw the ice cube, and Kerry saw “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.” Probably in reference to the diving suit.

Melanie in Mental Clockworks acts very similar to Melanie throughout s2. I’d go as far to say they’re the same. Perhaps Farouk is just overemphasizing already present parts of their personalities. When driven to this point Melanie’s willing to do or believe anything that will bring Oliver back. In s2 this mindset will be intentionally orchestrated by Farouk, then subsequently exploited for the cave conversation.

Is Walter interested in Kerry because he subconsciously recognizes her as the girl he shot before?

When Cary’s first brought into the astral plane he’s in the middle of a forest. Could this symbolize the forest around David’s old house? David also had to make a journey before getting to where Oliver was located. Though I can’t remember what he was surrounded by when he came in.

If Syd’s not in there because she doesn’t want to be touched, then why did David still do the pillow divider thing when they were in bed together?

Syd was stored in David’s memories of his childhood bedroom.

Ptonomy’s powers give off a very “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” vibe. I think this is also the last time we see him in mental clockworks.

Walter definitely goes for power above all else.

Syd got locked behind that door she was so curious about.

Amy says some real targeted stuff here. She plays directly into David’s insecurities. If what she says is supposed to represent David’s deepest fears, than it would seem being unloved or underserving of love is the worst thing in the world to him. “You’re unwanted.” It feels doubly sad cause Amy visiting him in the hospital was probably what kept him going all those years without Syd. Lenny was nice but she... was also being treated.

Melanie prays.

Is it the actual Oliver that appears to Melanie at first? Whoever they are, they leave immediately after instructing her to somehow save David and Syd. It could be possible that Oliver did that to get a head start on it while he brought Cary up to speed.

Whenever someone questions his and Syd’s relationship, David’s only response is a defensive “We’re in love.”

Farouk’s sick of trying to indirectly manipulate David to his will and just starts outright venting about how he doesn’t get “love.”

This is also the first person-to-person philosophical discussion between David and Farouk.

Farouk also doesn’t get being “happy” and “fulfilled.” How sad.

Lenny says “Daaaviiiiiiiid” in the same way that Clark does.

Farouk calls himself a fungus here. If he’s using the previous metaphor, he means to say he’s feeding off David’s power and is eventually gonna burst out of his head, killing him in the process. (Added a few seconds after) I forgot he literally shows David that that’s what he means, lol.

Farouk’s downplaying his emotional connection to David here, claiming to only want to team with him for boosted power. But he does also say “I’m trying to help you.” I think this whole scene might be Farouk’s way of saying “Either you finally hatch and become a God, or I leave you behind to die. There are no other options.”

Again, Farouk knows what makes David happy and can’t accept that cause it’s not what he wants out of David. He’ll regret this later.

“Oh, you pretty things! Don’t you know you’re driving your mama’s and papa’s insane? Let me make it plain, gotta make way for the homo superior!” “Homo superior” in Marvel comics is another name for mutants. And David being the most powerful mutant in show would mean he’s the most “superior” of the homo superiors. Farouk locks his mind away for not realizing that. I guess he’s the “papa” in this scenario.

The lyrics to “Oh! You pretty things”in general is relevant to what’s going on at this point in the story.

Another line in particular sticks out, “Look out at your children. See their faces in golden rays. Don’t kid yourself, they belong to you. They’re the start of a coming race.” Farouk tries to essentially disown David at the end of this episode, but the song says “don’t kid yourself.” Farouk will eventually come to think of David as his son. A son that he knows he failed. Not yet though.

[treh-co]

FAHC Headcanons

So I feel like a good amount of my hcs are a lot different than other people’s??? And I’ve done a LOT of thinking abt them so! Here’s kind of like a masterlist of my general hcs! I’m just gonna go through this person-by-person.

(This got Kinda Long, so it’s under a read more. Sorry mobile users,)

Geoff

Obviously, he’s the one who started The Fakes. Basically, he went into the military after high school, came back and was like “Damn. Hated that” and then some old friends are like “Hey wanna do crime” and he was like “Fuck it”. That ended up being the beginning of The Roosters, which would grow to become the most powerful crime syndicate in Los Santos.

However, when they started shifting more towards managing the organizations they controlled, Geoff felt like he was missing the hands-on action. With the others’ blessing, he branched out to create his own gang under the syndicate, which would be the Fakes.

Geoff was the acting boss, supervisor, and manager of the Fakes for many years, while still juggling responsibilities with the Roosters. After a while, he felt the stress of it all begin to weigh on him, so he decided to pass some of it off. He made Trevor the acting supervisor of the crew’s regular business, while he handed management of behind-the-scenes matters to Lindsay. He’s still technically the boss, though, and any Big decisions go through him.

Jack

Jack actually met Geoff when they were in the military together. While he was a journalist, she was a pilot, and while she’d always been a sort of straight-laced, innocent kid growing up, she discovered that she actually loved flying. More than that, she loved the excitement of a chase or a gunfight. When she got back, she found herself bored.

That was around when Geoff called her up with an offer- one that not only allowed her to get back in the cockpit, but promised twice the action way more money than she ever got in the military. Of course, she said yes.

Jack’s main role in the crew is transport and evac. She can fly or drive anything, from a city bus to speedboat to a cargobob. Unofficially, she’s a sort of second-in-command for Geoff. He usually discusses any business stuff with her before making decisions. She’s also probably the most capable medic in the main crew, though she’s not an expert, and will pass off the responsibility if they have access to someone more formally trained.

Gavin

I imagine Gavin comes from a criminal family. Nothing exciting; standard white-collar stuff, embezzlement and fraud. They were substantially wealthy from their exploits and sent him to private school and all that, but Gavin found it all horribly boring. By the time he reached high school, he was experimenting with every type of low-level crime he could think of; theft and vandalism, all that shit.

Eventually, his habit of making enemies got him in over his head, and eventually he found himself in serious hot water. Out of options, he forged some papers and got a flight out of Britain. He’d far from learnt his lesson, though. He didn’t plan on cleaning up his act, and he decided to hide in plain sight, in the most crime-infested city America had to offer- Los Santos.

That was where he met Geoff. He was working odd jobs around the city, still new to America (and, though he’d never admit it, pretty lost and scared- he’s only sixteen). He gets hired by some asshole to take out Geoff, and he isn’t familiar enough with the scene to know better, so he goes for it. When Geoff has the knife out of his hands and a gun pointed at his head in less than two seconds, he’s pretty sure he’s fucked- but Geoff doesn’t shoot. Because fuck, how the hell is he supposed to take out this scrawny, terrified kid? So he talks to him instead, and when he finds out that Gavin has no loyalties to the guy that hired him and has a much broader skill set than Geoff would have expected, he decides to take him in.

As for my take on The Golden Boy- I personally don’t see Gavin as a hacker, and tbh I personally Cannot picture him suave enough to be some smooth-talking informant. In my mind, he’s sort of the crew’s everyman. He does a little bit of everything- stealth, dealing, hacking, fighting- he isn’t really an expert at any of it, but if you need something done, he probably knows enough to help. 

Michael

Michael was raised in New Jersey with his brothers. His life was fairly normal, to be honest. He got a gig as an electrician, and it sucked, but he was doing okay. And then his mom got sick, and things started falling apart. Long story short, he ended up turning to more unsavory ways to get the money she needed for her treatment. He found out that he was pretty good at making bombs, and even better at cracking skulls. 

Michael only ever dipped into those practices to help his mom, but once you go in, it’s pretty hard to get out. He was running with a gang in New Jersey for a long time, until one day, their leader sold them out to the cops. He and some friends ran away to Los Santos, but still got caught, and suddenly he was locked up in a LS prison.

It was in prison that he met this guy named Gavin. After bonding through some good old fashioned prison fighting and saving each other’s asses, Gavin told him that he’s part of a powerful gang that was planning on breaking him out. He said that he needed help with the prep work they  needed done on from the inside, and if Michael helped him, they’d break him out with Gavin. Against every instinct, Michael agreed, and they broke out together. After they got out, Geoff decided to offer Michael a job- partly because he was impressed with him, and partly because Gavin wouldn’t stop whining until he did.

Michael is great for a steady gun or a good fight on missions, but his expertise is in demolitions. He’s self-taught, but he’s one of the best in the business, and he has fun with what he does.

Lindsay

Lindsay has always thrived on chaos. This presented itself more innocently in her childhood, but once she reached her teen years, it quickly spiraled into something more dangerous. She was always looking for something more risky, more exciting. Speeding, then shoplifting, then vandalism; it was never enough.

That being said, it shouldn’t have been that big of a surprise when some friends easily talked her into her first burglary. From then on, it was an easy slide into the more serious world of crime. She was a gun for hire by twenty, had long left her well-meaning parents behind, travelling with no real goal and making both allies and enemies everywhere she went.

When she cropped up in Los Santos, trailing gunfire and spray-paint cat tags where she went, Geoff knew she was meant to be one of them. He hired her for some odd jobs at first, just to make sure; but just a few looks at her style proved his theory. He offered her permanent position and she took it on a whim.

True to her role, Lindsay is the crew’s wildcard. Sort of like Gavin, except her skills are more specifically in the “fuck shit up” range.

Jeremy

Born and raised in Boston, Jeremy had a not-so-great home life and started hanging with the wrong crowds from a young age. He grew up through fistfights and car wrecks, and by the time he was grown, he didn’t really know anything else. He was actually pretty close with his gang back home. They were the ones who taught him the importance of loyalty; how important it is to have people you can trust. Nothing good lasts forever, though. When another gang- much bigger, much stronger- started picking them off, their leader made the tough choice to disband. Despite communal reluctance, she got them all set up to go underground in different parts of the country. Jeremy was sent to Los Santos.

While there, Jeremy saved a boy he saw being jumped in an alley. The boy turned out to be a hacker and information dealer named Matt. Jeremy was homeless at the time, and Matt offered to let him stay at his place as thanks. Somehow, this quickly turned into them being roommates and friends, and then partners, when they decided it would be a good idea for Jeremy to tag along on Matt’s deals for protection.

While helping Matt, Jeremy made a name for himself in underground fighting rings, known by his half-joke moniker “Rimmy Tim”. One night, a non-regular sat in to watch the fight, and afterwards approached him with an offer. The stranger was one Geoff Ramsey, and the offer was for a job with the Fakes. Jeremy happened to know who the Fakes were- and be a big fan of their work. He was nervous, but he accepted the offer, and it only took a few weeks for them to essentially pull him in.

Jeremy is, in simple terms, the crew’s muscle. He drives, he shoots, and most importantly, he can fight. If anything needs doing that involves those three things, he’s good for it.

Matt

Matt grew up in a small, boring town with a small, boring family. He filled his boredom with the digital world. Eventually, he started diving deeper; learning how to code, and then how to program, and then how to hack. By the time he was seventeen, Matt was going by the alias of “Axial” on dark-web forums, dealing information and breaking into everything from private systems to locked-down, international servers.

After turning eighteen, Matt decided he was sick of his home town and used the money he’d gained from his illegal business to disappear and move somewhere more exciting- Los Santos. After a few months of living there, he met a boy named Jeremy, who saved him from a deal gone wrong. He liked Jeremy, and it seemed like Jeremy liked him; despite the suspicions they both probably should have had in their lines of work, they became fast friends and roommates, deciding to work together.

When Jeremy got hired by the Fakes, Matt was disappointed, but resigned to the fact that he would be back on his own. Until he was pulled away from his work one night to a knock at the door, and found the Vagabond there, ready to take him to the penthouse. Apparently, the crew had been in need of a hacker for a while; and a certain new member had put in quite the good word for him.

Matt is, obviously, the crew’s hacker. He doesn’t really go on the field too much; he’ll tag along if there’s a proximity requirement on his part, or if a bunch of people are unavailable and they really need a backup driver or something, but for the most part he operates from the penthouse. He’s usually on comms during the heists to give directions or help with security or recon in real-time.

Trevor [TW: Sex work mention]

Trevor grew up in a trailer park in Blaine County, raised by a single mom. She loved him, but was involved with all the wrong people. When an altercation with an ex-boyfriend ended up deadly, fourteen-year-old Trevor up and ran as fast as he could, and ended up in the streets of Los Santos. He got by with begging and soup kitchens at first, but he started picking up tricks, on his own or from others he watched. Pickpocketing, manipulation, shoplifting; whatever he could use to get a bit of an advantage, he took.

It was just a while after he turned eighteen that a man he met outside a bar proposed he enter a different “path” of business. Trevor was reluctant, but he was also desperate, and the man made a lot of promises. He ended up spending two years as a prostitute, until one night he’d had enough. He killed the man who’d been selling him and ran once again. 

Once again faced with life on the streets, he returned to what he knew he was good at- lying and stealing. He came up with the alias of Reached, and became a thief and informant by commission, fairly well-known. He became close associates- maybe even friends, if such a thing existed in Los Santos- with another duo, Rimmy Tim and Axial. One day, they gave him a call- saying their new employers needed someone with his skills on a job. To make a long story short, when the Fakes met Trevor, he was pretty much already a part of the team.

Trevor is a thief by trade. Stealth, deception, and stealing is what he does best. He’s a master lock picker and an expert at slight of hand, and is far too good at putting on an innocent face. 

Alfredo

Alfredo was raised by a big, loving family; but people are a product of their environment. A combination of wrong place, wrong time, and peer pressure had him messing around with local gangs far before he should have even seen a gun. But Alfredo always had a knack for precision, and he had the aim of a trained vet, and he was probably a little too busy being cocky to understand the risks he was taking.

Eventually, those risks caught up with him. He was in a lot of hot water and he knew his family was in danger. He couldn’t let them get hurt on his account, so he ran to protect them. He considered turning a new leaf when he got to Los Santos, but quickly realized that if that was the plan, he’d picked the wrong place to do it. It wasn’t long before he was dragged back into work as a gun for hire.

He was good- really good, and when some hot shot rolls into the city with a sniper and skills like that, it shakes things up, and word gets around. Word even gets to some of the most powerful men in the city- including Geoff Ramsey, who decides that if this kid is really as good as he’s heard, there’s no way he’s letting him get snatched up by anybody else first. His invite to Alfredo is more short-notice than it was with the others, but he and the crew click in about two seconds flat, so it really doesn’t take a lot of convincing.

Obviously, Alfredo is their sniper. He’s a hell of a shot with any gun, and can do fine with up-close combat when he needs to, but he’s at his best when he’s giving cover from a rooftop.

Fiona

Fiona comes from one of France’s most infamous criminal organizations. Her parents run the group, and she was raised, essentially, as the heir to the business. She’s been trained since she was a child to be the best at any skill she might need. An array of languages, hand to hand combat in five forms, dozens of weapons, from blades to melee to guns- most of all, she studied deception.

There was a small problem, though. Fiona appreciated everything her family did for her- but there was also no way in hell she was just going to drag on the family business. She wanted to make a name for herself, and she wanted more than the stuffy, starch-white world they were giving her. So she ran away to America. She spent a few years travelling, testing out different paths. At one point, she ended up in long-term employment with a gang. Except she ended up hating said gang, and she wanted out.

Luck happened to be on her side. One day, she was told that they’d kidnapped two people who happened to be members of a powerful crew called the Fakes. Fiona knew the second she laid eyes on the two- a strangely similar looking pair named Trevor and Alfredo- that they were her ticket out. She made a deal with them, that she’d let them escape if they took her with them and kept her safe, and the three of them had a wild adventure that lasted about a week, and ended in the three of them strolling into the penthouse, ragged and exhausted but looking like they’d just had the time of their lives, with Trevor and Alfredo proudly declaring that Fiona was now their newest member.

Fiona is a master of disguise. She’s good at a lot of things, but putting on an act is what really sets her apart. Give her a wig and a makeup kit and she can turn herself into a new person in five minutes flat- complete with an accent and everything. She’s the go-to when the crew need undercover jobs done.

[quirkfics]

finding the time

commission for the lovely @sabbywrites

wordcount: 4k

warnings: smut, dirty talk, resolving UST (unresolved sexual tension), aged up

pairing: Sero Hanta x F!Model Reader

“Who's that babe with the hot Shiketsu girl?” Denki asks, resting his elbows on the counter and sliding back to lean against it, and- Hanta cringes. It's just a little bit, but watching Denki point a finger gun in someone's direction and miming shooting it? Mildly embarrassing. Blowing away the imagined smoke makes it so much worse.

“Shiketsu girl?” Hanta decides to ask, pointedly turning away from his friend and attempting to wave down the bartender. Really, he’s only poking at semantics because it’s Denki. He has a fairly good idea who he means, but honestly, they are out of school, and the only time Denki should be saying girl in regards to their heroic comrades is when there are actual girl children around. 

“Woman,” Denki corrects, narrowing his eyes Hanta’s way. “You know, Camie. Aren’t Todoroki and Bakugou still on good terms with her or something? And probably Midoriya too, come to think of it-” Denki sounds like he's gearing up for a complaint about their old classmates popularity with- well, with every gender. Hanta is not up for it today.

“Yeah, woman,” Hanta mocks, grinning when Denki’s bright smile morphs into a frown. “Isn’t she a year or two older than us anyway? Girl.” He laughs when Denki holds up a sparking finger in warning, and finally turns to glance over his shoulder. He can humor him, it won’t take long. “You better not be calling her that to… Oh.” Hanta can feel the smile sliding off of his face, and he knows that Denki is going to give him hell for it later, but Denki was right. 

You’re absolutely lovely, from the top of your head down to your toes and he feels like an utter fool, staring at you like some slack jawed idiot.

“I know, right?” Denki says, elbowing Hanta in the shoulder. “But, seeing as I saw her first-”

“Hey Camie!” Hanta shouts, waving to ensure her attention, completely speaking over Denki and ignoring his muttered expletives. “Long time no see!”

Camie doesn’t do the quick turn-around, honestly she’s too popular to try and find every person who calls her name, but she flips her hair over her shoulder and glances their way- and she’s smiling. She latches onto you, motioning in their direction. Cool, Hanta thinks, heart pounding. She’s coming over, she’s going to introduce us to her friend, this is-

“Camie! Hey, how’s it-” Denki starts to make his trademark finger gun again, which has Camie laughing as she tugs you to a stop. 

“Chargebolt, Cellophane,” Camie says, and Hanta could almost swear she was smirking when she said his hero name. She introduces you without preamble, but the way she says your name is more than passingly fond. 

Denki snaps his fingers as soon as she does. “That’s why I know you! That editorial with those stellar lights? You did great!” He whistles, which leaves Hanta with raised eyebrows. “Model,” Denki explains, expression sly. He opens his mouth, ready to continue talking up a storm, but Camie suddenly latches onto his arm.

“Oh my god, Chargebolt, you have to meet someone - we’ll catch you two later!” Camie throws over her shoulder, nearly dragging Denki off into the crowd. 

Hanta turns back to ask what that was about and is nearly bowled over by the dazzling smile you’re directing his way.

“That wasn’t obvious at all, was it?” You ask, laughing like you’re shy. The look on your face is full of confidence, even though your hands are twisting nervously, but Hanta still feels like a fool because he is like- two steps behind on all of this. Something was obvious, and he has no idea what it was because all he can think is-

“Obvious?” Hanta asks, and feels a horrific blush crawling up his throat when you offer him your hand and introduce yourself again. “Oh! Ah, Sero Hanta,” he murmurs, hoping desperately that his hand isn’t sweaty or clammy. You don’t pull away or exclaim in disgust, so he thinks, or hopes, rather, that he’s in the clear. “So, you model?” He asks, sure that he’s acting the dunce

“Minor amount of hero work, so modelling has been my go-to. I like it, actually, but- and this might seem a little silly: I wanted you to know, I have been a fan of yours for a while-” 

Hanta’s heart speeds. “No kidding? That is- that’s awesome-” For a moment he has no idea where to go with this. Is he overthinking things? You said fan, there’s no way that you- “Uh, hey, want a drink while we chat?” He jerks his thumb at the bartender, who is slowly making his way back towards Hanta, and relief floods him when you smile again. 

“I’d love that,” you say, moving closer to the bar - and Hanta, hell, he can feel the warmth of you near his shoulder - while you wait to order. The longer you stay, the easier it gets for him to loosen up, and you don’t look like you’re trying to search for a way out. Hanta still thinks he doesn’t have a chance in hell of scoring your number, but you’re gorgeous and funny and- he is totally developing a crush on you, and is more than willing to spend the rest of his evening by your side. You discuss some of your work while you wait for the drink, but even after you accept the glass, you don’t really light up until you turn to him with questions about his latest hero exploits. If he didn’t know better, he would think you were a journalist - it’s all too easy for you to get him talking.

“You have got to tell me about that insect villain you took down a couple weeks ago - the tape as a web?” You give him a small thumbs up before you take a sip of your drink. You then have to set it down and laugh because Hanta knows he’s blushing now. Truth be told, he’d been a little embarrassed about the web thing. “Are you blushing?” You ask, reaching up to tap a single finger against his cheek. You don’t sound like you’re making fun of him or anything though. You sound like- like you’re flirting, and Hanta is pretty sure you are way out of his league.

It feels like it takes eons to get the story out, but you seem to think he’s as quick witted as his interviews typically show him. You laugh at his jokes and let him ramble, but he’s pleased to find that you’re perfectly willing to discuss your interests too. 

“To be honest,” you say in a whisper, leaning in close so he can hear it over the milling crowd. “I would much rather be home in sweatpants.” You straighten, gesturing down at your carefully tailored outfit. “Honestly, who can live in clothes like this?”

Hanta snorts into his drink and nearly chokes. “If it’s any consolation,” he offers, taking the small stack of bar napkins you hand him and wiping his face. “You can rock just about anything. Sweatpants should be more widely accepted.”

Hanta feels like he’s on cloud nine. The conversation never slows down and before he realizes it, the charity event is nearly done, you’ve strolled through the room with him twice over, arm hooked in his- and Denki and Camie are still nowhere in sight. He… Doesn’t really want the evening to end. 

“They’re wrapping up,” you say with a sigh, glancing up at the stage. It feels like his heart shoots up into his throat. He wants to ask for your number, but what if you’d just been passing the time with him because- “Listen, I have to head out - early work day tomorrow,” you explain, an apology in the downward curl of your lips. “But we should do this again sometime!”

Hanta blinks in surprise. “Yeah?” He asks, still feeling like he’s two steps behind as you tap something out on your phone and then turn it his way. You’re- you’re asking for his number! Hanta knows that he’s smiling, can feel the ache in his cheeks, but all he can think about is his name in your phone, followed by ~Cellophane~ and a web emoji. Never mind his previous embarrassment, if that stupid insect villain helped score him a date with you, he’s going to send the guy a care package in jail. 

“Can’t miss the chance to get to know you better,” you tease and then carefully take your phone back, fingers flying over the screen. A moment later, his phone buzzes in his pocket and he takes it out to see a string of emojis in his notifications, ending with a kissing face. 

He’s going to combust. 

“Wonderful,” you declare, smile turning a little nervous. “Maybe next time you’re free we can go on a date and-” 

Hanta trips, but you steady him before he can fall. When he straightens up he hurriedly agrees to the date, ignoring the fact that’s probably a vibrant red- and from somewhere across the room, he hears Denki whooping.    

Despite exchanging numbers and trying to plan an actual date though, the both of you end up being terribly busy a good portion of the time. Hanta’s versatile quirk takes him out of the city frequently, and so does your modeling. For the next two weeks you both have to settle for texting, which is frequent, or calling, which is less so. At one point you get to video chat, though it feels like something straight out of a comic book, because Hanta props his phone on building ledge and takes down a small group of villains with leaping quirks in between conversation. One of the villains tries to make a snide comment about Cellophane’s girlfriend and ends up in a tape cocoon, hanging upside down.

He surprises you with coffee once on a shoot, and is nearly mobbed with attention for his trouble. In the end you only get to spend about 10 minutes in his company before his phone is ringing and you’re being called back by the photographer. Both of you enjoy your work, you understand, but- it’s getting a little frustrating when you’re on each other's minds so much, and all you can do is grab a few spare hours together, and never all at once. 

“Call in,” Camie says over the phone one afternoon, tapping awkwardly at a keyboard. You’re fairly sure she’s trying out some new promotional product - Camie gets so many gifts from fans and companies that you’re not sure she knows what to do with them all. 

“But I-”

“He has the day off and you’re only due for something minor - seize that moment,” Camie insists, and then pops her bubblegum right next to the phone. She apologizes almost immediately, though you still have to rub at your ear to stop the stinging. 

“I’m just a little nervous, it’s our first date-”

“Pssh. First?? Didn’t you grab lunch together twice this week?” 

You have to pause before you answer that one. Did you? You count silently and then shrug, even though she can’t see you. “Yeah, but-”

“And breakfast last week. Are you classifying a date as dinner or-” Camie’s muffled laughter echoes over the line, followed quickly by a scraping noise as she pushes the keyboard away from her. “You two have been dating since the charity.”

Camie is.. Most definitely right. You just haven’t quite noticed. The rising tension between the two of you is almost overwhelming, and it’s all you can think about whenever he has to head out or back to work or you get called in for a show. You call out on the small job tomorrow, and immediately let Hanta know you’re free. 

Part of you expects the day to be a bit awkward. You’ve both been out of your mind trying to scrape together every spare second, but when you see him walk through the restaurant door all you feel is an overwhelming sense of joy. It’s still a little odd to see him in casual clothes, though to be honest, you’re fairly sure he could be a model himself, if he had any interest in it.  

“That’s a big smile,” Hanta teases, though he doesn’t have any room to speak with his megawatt grin lighting up the room. He pulls out a chair to join you, and then his expression turns a little goofy when he realizes you ordered his coffee for him. “Something good happen this morning?”

“Other than getting to spend time with you?” You shrug, all nonchalance, and then pause, tapping your fingers against the side of your mug. “So it’s been pointed out to me that… Well, we’ve kind of been dating this whole time?”

Hanta freezes with his drink halfway to his mouth. 

“I mean, we do grab meals together all the time and even though we’ve been lamenting not having a first date, we’ve kind of-”

“Had a whole bunch?” He asks, cheeks turning rosy. “Yeah. That’s- ‘s kinda true, huh? Are you… Are you happy about that?”

“Yes,” you blurt, and then both of you are laughing. During breakfast, at least, the tension eases and the both of you are finally able to grab more than a few minutes of conversation. You get to talk about more than just daily updates, or the quality of the food and it’s- it’s everything you both have been wanting. 

The day blazes by, though tension starts to amp up with every little touch between the two of you, every second more spent in one another's company. There’s always been attraction between you, but now- now there’s feelings involved. He’s sweet, and funny, and has a fierce love for orange flavored everything- and his hand curling around your wrist when he helps you down some stairs has your heart pounding. He laughs whenever you tease him, like he can’t believe his good luck, and you catch sight of his jaw starting to drop whenever you bite or lick your lips. He’s made frequent aborted movements all day, like he’s going to try and kiss you, or he’s shifting in his seat to adjust himself- You don’t feel any better. You have to stop yourself from tugging on stray locks of his hair or pulling him in close for a hug whenever you have to wait in line for food or tickets, just because you want to feel him pressed against you.

Halfway through dinner you stretch your leg, and your foot brushes against his ankle- and then both of you freeze like you have stage fright. 

“Trying to play footsie?” Hanta teases, smiling down at his meal. “I mean, I can’t blame you- have you seen my legs? I do a lot of squats-” He laughs, hiding his face when you flick a small bit of food his way. He brushes the crumb off, but his smile stays just as vibrant as ever. 

“Seriously?” You ask, trying to keep a straight face while kicking gently at his shoe. “All the ways you could have worded that and you joke about squats?” You shake your head, though your heart beats double time when he catches your foot between his ankles. This is getting ridiculous, knowing how much you want each other. 

So you can admit that you’ve had a few dates now. It’s just that… You’ve never been alone when you do. Coworkers usually abound, and even if they’re not in the immediate vicinity, you know they’re watching, for curiosity’s sake, or for gossiping reasons- neither of you have had the chance to just be alone. The last few hours, it’s been all you can do not to breathlessly ask him to take you back to his place because you want to kiss him, damn it, and… Either of you smooching someone in public is sure to warrant a tabloid photo somewhere. It’s not that you mind that, but you’d rather keep a few things to yourself, thanks much.

“Alright,” you decide aloud, pushing away your half eaten plate. “I say we take this to go, and unless you’re busy tomorrow, I- what are you-” You turn your head to see what Hanta is waving at, and see the waiter coming your way. 

“If you’re going to say what I think you are, I’m grabbing the check,” he clarifies. “...please tell me if I thought wrong though? Because if I did, I’m probably going to pay and then eat the receipt because embarrassment is nigh.”

You have to hide your smile behind your hand. “No, you thought right. Receipt eating will not be necessary.”

You run into a few minor issues along the way - a detour because of a hero and villain battle up ahead, and then a group of teen girls make a beeline for you when you decide to make a pit stop at a convenience store- you don’t particularly mind the last, though you promise yourself you’re going to pinch Hanta later. He’s standing in another aisle, mimicking their excitement, just tall enough for you to see over the shelves. When you finally make it to Hanta’s place, you swear you can hear your pulse in your ears, and Hanta is no better. He fumbles with his keys and keeps glancing at you out of the corner of his eye, like he’s afraid if he blinks you’re just going to wink out of existence.

As soon as Hanta locks the door between you two and the rest of the world, you stop thinking. He sweeps you up into his arms, nearly lifting you off of the floor, and plants a kiss on you that has your brain short circuiting. Every little moment, every little stolen touch or time you’d held hands was just building up that pool of desire and now it feels like you can barely breathe through it. Hanta’s fingers press just right into your hips and he groans when you bite his lower lip as run your hand through his hair. He lets you tilt his head to the side, tugging on the hair in your hand and curses as soon as your mouth touches his neck. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve been thinking about this,” he tells you, shoulders shifting. “You keep getting this look on your face-” He says, and you gasp, legs wrapping around his hips reflexively as he hauls you up into his arms. “And all I can think about is you making that face in bed.”  You let him carry you through his house, clutching precariously to his shoulders. 

“Maybe you should show me,” you say, and then squeak when he falls back on his bed with no warning. He laughs when he sees your face, but then seems to realize that his hands are still wrapped around your thighs and you’re on top of him and- His expression goes a little slack. You shift, and Hanta shudders as you brush against him.

“You’re so fucking warm,” he mutters, glancing between you like he’s expecting to see bare skin already. You rock against him again, just to see the blissful look on his face and start slipping off your clothes. His hands slide from your thighs back up to your hips as you do, breath growing a little short as he watches you with wide eyes. “You’re gonna kill me,” he mutters, moving his hands further up your body. “You know that? Just looking at you is making it hard to functi-” You press yourself against him, leaving him speechless. His thumbs just barely brush over your breasts before you’re sliding off of him to ditch the rest of your clothes.

Hanta tries to follow suit, but keeps fumbling, moving too fast- you’re fairly sure you hear the tell-tale sound of something ripping, but as soon as he’s free of the constriction, he’s tugging you back into his arms. You’ve been waiting for so long to kiss Hanta that every brush of lips has you going back in for more. He stumbles back against the bed, hands stroking over your shoulder blades and then makes a wrecked noise against your mouth when you take his erection in hand. When you squeeze him, his knees start to buckle. 

“Trying to take the lead, huh?” He breathes out, fingers trembling against your spine as he presses a wet kiss against your shoulder. “Get me on my knees? Or do-” Hanta curses when you start stroking and follows your gentle push towards the bed. He sits, and lays down at your prompting. 

“Mm, I like the way you talk to me,” you murmur, straddling his legs and leaning down for another kiss. Part of you thinks you should take your time, but this drawn out wait has been frustrating, and Hanta doesn’t seem to have any complaints about the speed. When you press him between your thighs this time, Hanta hands spasm.

“Fucking wet,” he mumbles, lifting his head so he can see. The wait was definitely worth it - he’s ridiculously warm when you rock your hips, pressing him inside you, and between the feeling and look on his face. “Do I- fuck, do I have to stay still?” He asks, hands still frozen between your back and your hips. 

“Do you want to?” You can’t help asking, and then you’re clutching at his shoulders for purchase as he thrusts up into you. 

“N-no. I want to touch, want to try and-” It takes a moment before you both find a rhythm, timing his thrusts with the rocking of your hips, all the while he’s telling you how beautiful you are, how much he’s been thinking about you, how he dreamed less than a week ago of finally having you in his office. “Was a- a mess when I woke up,” he pants, reaching up to curl his fingers around the back of your neck. He pulls you in close enough to kiss, but he’s still talking. “And then you called, and your voice-” Hanta finally seems to run out of words. His hips stutter and then his thighs start to tremble when you kiss him, swallowing down the noise he’s making. You think he might be getting close, but then he’s wrapping arms around you and rolling you onto your back. 

The angle change has you hurriedly breaking the kiss, your back arching, leaving your mouth almost numb from all the attention. Hanta shifts until the front of his thighs are pressed to the back of yours and picks the pace back up. His cheeks are flushed and his hair is sticking to his forehead, and then he’s reaching between your thighs to press his thumb to your clit and you’re seeing stars. You vaguely recall him saying your name, but you’re shaking and trying to catch your breath- and then Hanta is pulling out of your and coming over your abdomen, his hands clutching at your knees. 

He laughs almost as soon as he’s finished, brushing hair out of his face. “Ahh, I seriously thought I wasn’t going to make it,” he tells you, only the smallest amount of shame in his face. “I have been a mess since that morning you called. I thought for sure you could hear my thoughts and any minute you were going to say something about-”

“Hanta, you are ridiculous.”

“-ly good in bed?” He finishes with a cocky smile, standing up and then frowning down at the pile of clothes on the floor. “Lemme grab a towel.”

He leaves before you can answer, but you call out: “That too!” and relax back against the comforter, a smile on your face. Your phone buzzes on the floor, but you flat out ignore it. All you really want to do is take a break for cleanup, and maybe some food, and bring Hanta back to bed. After all, you waited long enough, didn’t you?

[homespork-review]

HOMESPORK ACT 5 ACT 1: Mobius Double Plusungood, Part 2

BRIGHT: Nepeta wants to know what’s going on. Aradia finally stops dodging the question and tells Nepeta she’s dead, but doesn’t elaborate on how it happened. She asks Nepeta to keep it a secret, which Nepeta agrees to. Aradia’s also picked up some froglike traits from being merged with the sprite -- namely a tendency to ribbit.

In retrospect, it’s kind of funny that an active player can merge with a sprite. The role of a sprite seems to involve having detailed knowledge of how the Game works and what the player should do next, but only dispensing vague advice to the player. Prototyping a player would give them full access to that knowledge with no sprite vagueness to get in the way. The Game doesn’t seem too concerned about that, though.

CHEL: Now it’s time to get to know AG better. A doodle of her declaring her to be a HUGE BITCH fades into her standing in her room. Rather gothic, and also filthy-looking; it’s dark, with a red sky outside, and cobwebs and broken Magic 8 Balls lie around everywhere. There’s a FLARP poster and numerous pages of notes on the wall.

Your name is VRISKA SERKET.

You are a master of EXTREME ROLE PLAYING. You can't get enough of it, or really any game of high stakes and chance. You have persisted with the habit even in spite of your ACCIDENT. But then again, you don't have much choice.

Your lusus is VERY HUNGRY, ALL THE TIME. She can only be appeased by the FLESH OF YOUNG TROLLS. You cloud campaigns for teams of Flarpers, utilizing your abilities for ORCHESTRATING THE DEMISE OF THE IMPRESSSSSSSSIONA8LE. Your victories supply you with treasure, experience points, and SPIDER FOOD.

You are something of an APOCALYPSE BUFF, which is something you can be on Alternia. You are fascinated by end of the world scenarios, and enjoy constructing DOOMSDAY DEVICES for the hell of it. You are drawn to means of DARK PROGNOSTICATION and the advantages they offer, particularly in gaming scenarios. Your abilities in this department were hobbled with the loss of your VISION EIGHTFOLD, and you have since sought alternatives through various BLACK ORACLES. You consult with these ominous globes, but routinely destroy them in frustration over the PUZZLING GUARANTEED INACCURACY of their predictions. Breaking them has developed into a habit BORDERING ON FETISHISTIC, and with each you destroy, you add to an insurmountable stockpile of TERRIBLE LUCK. You have to stop. But addiction is a powerful thing.

FAILURE ARTIST: FINALLY we get a name for her and we don’t have to keep saying AG. I imagine the non-Homestucks are feeling like I did when I played Danganronpa 2 finally and saw the “fingers-in-his-ass” guy.

CHEL: She examines a drawing on the wall, of her FLARP character MARQUISE SPINNERET MINDFANG, who is just Vriska in a different coat and seaboots, with a hook instead of her robot hand. She is the scourge of land dwellers and sea dwellers alike, and worst nightmare to silly BOY-SKYLARKS everywhere. She has accumulated more treasure and gained more levels than any member of the PETTICOAT SEAGRIFT class ever. She gained all the levels. All of them.

En route to her computer, Vriska steps on a D4, and complains about how she’s had terrible luck since her mysterious accident. I’d just like it noted that this is a small but noticeable occurrence of Vriska’s tendency to blame others for her problems; if she cleaned her room some time, that wouldn’t happen. Still, she doesn’t worry about it too long, as she’s busy.

So many irons in the fire. Such a tangled web. It is a web full of flaming irons and mixed metaphors.

BRIGHT: Vriska equips her weapon of choice, a set of enchanted D8 dice called the FLUORITE OCTET.

...okay, I’m getting used to characters having semi-absurd weapons, but seriously, what? Let’s review everyone else’s chosen weapons: Hammer, knitting needles, sword, gun, sickles, lance, clawed gloves, walking cane. Sollux had some throwing stars but didn’t assign them to his specibus owing to his telekinesis being enough; we haven’t seen Aradia’s strifekind yet, but she also has telekinetic abilities, and hers are apparently enhanced by her being dead. So that’s a lot of genuine weapons, and some things which aren’t weapons but can readily be used that way in a pinch...and then Vriska has a set of enchanted dice.

It’s a good fit both for Homestuck’s absurdity and for Vriska’s obsession with luck. But it does stand out rather.

Anyway, rolling the dice will execute a wide range of highly unpredictable attacks. Very high rolls can be devastating to even the most powerful opponents. Apparently these work everywhere, not just in FLARP games. Also, while we see ghosts, psychic powers, and superpowered coding, I think this is the only reference to plain magic we have on Alternia.

Vriska steps away from the computer to avoid talking to GA, who she refers to as an unwelcome solicitor, but returns to it when someone else starts messaging her. Vriska calls him this guy; he has no icon -- and, oddly, no username -- and types in white, which means the reader (and Vriska) ends up highlighting the conversation a lot. 

Hello.

AG: Oh my god, why are you talking to me????????

This is the last time we'll ever talk.

AG: Still sticking with the white text I see. So smooth and stylish!

AG: I forgot how much I loved highlighting it to read all the 8oring things you have to say.

AG: It's like a fun game for super extra handicapped retarded people. Like opening a present! Find out what o8noxious thing the mystery tool typed.

AG: What is it!

A parting courtesy, I suppose.

All the ways I've exploited you were meant to bring about the events that will take place this evening.

Knowing this will provide context for the events in your near future, and will affect how you behave in response.

These events will be just as important as those preceding it.

I've gone to great lengths, you see. 

Well, this guy sounds ominous.

Also, using ‘handicapped’ and ‘retarded’ as insults is entirely in character for Vriska, who has no time for people who can’t operate on her level. Currently Vriska’s also being shown as an unlikeable character. We’ll see how that develops.

CHEL: Still, a lot of people really don’t like those words being used casually, and the fact that we need to show you how things develop should imply that they won’t develop in a way you’ll like. So…

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 39

White Text Guy, as the characters refer to him for a while to come yet, continues gloating about how successfully he’s exploited Vriska, who tells him she’ll log off and orders him not to use that nasty trick where you log me 8ack on out of petty douchey spite! WTG says he’ll be brief, though he’s not particularly brief in fact, tells her he no longer hold[s] her accountable for any wrongdoing, and says that if she accepts this, she may get her luck back. Vriska doesn’t believe him and continues to rant, and he points out that her unpleasant, simplistic temperament is what made her so easy to mess with.

If you turn a swarm of wasps on a crowd, the outcome is certain.

He leaves with these even more ominous words:

Though the magnitude of the ensuing destruction resulting directly from your actions will be neither possible or necessary for you to fathom, there nevertheless ought to be a silver lining.

The only question is whether you will live long enough to see it.

Vriska, enraged, lifts a Magic 8 Ball with the intention to smash it, but decides she can’t be bothered, and answers GA, hoping some camaraderie will cheer her up, even if it’s from a meddler. However, GA’s first question is “Is Your Lusus Dead Yet”. Not particularly cheering, is it?

Vriska, for the first time, expresses concern and sympathy for another person when GA says her own lusus is dead, though it may be undermined slightly by her own personal disappointment in never having got to meet said lusus. GA doesn’t seem very concerned, and says “Maybe You Still Can”. According to her, though, all their lusii are dying, as a “Preemptive Consequence” (if that’s a meaningful concept) of the upcoming Game. Karkat blames himself for activating the cursed code, but GA thinks it was inevitable. However, Karkat’s idea of a curse Is Inseparable From His Perception Of Events As Intrinsically Negative And As Tailored To His Personal Dissatisfaction, and so is Vriska’s poor luck. GA points out that if Vriska cleaned her floor she wouldn’t step on so many things. THANK YOU, GA, you made my point for me! Vriska is angry at GA “meddling” so, and demands to know why she does.

GA: Because Youre Dangerous

[...]

GA: Its Ok To Be Dangerous

GA: Lots Of People Are

GA: And Dangerous People Can Be Really Important

GA: Maybe Even The Most Important Sometimes

GA: But It Just Means Theres Got To Be Someone Around To Keep An Eye On Them

As Vriska gets angrier, it’s noted that she puts 8s in her typing in places where they don’t work as Bs or as “eight” sounds, and they become more numerous.

AG: Or you know, if you're so h8gh 8nd might8 an8 th8nk you're so gr8at, m8y88 you c8uld oh I d8n't kn8w........

AG: TRY AND ST8P ME FROM DO8NG B8D THINGS????????

GA: That Wouldnt Work

GA: If I Tried To Stop You You Would Regard Me As An Enemy

GA: Instead Of Merely As A Nuisance

BRIGHT: GA’s strategy appears to be trying to talk Vriska into being a better person, either by persuading her that it’s the right thing to do or by being so annoying that Vriska does the right thing to avoid being meddled with. She’s making an effort, I’ll give her that. And given that she doesn’t live anywhere near Vriska, there isn’t all that much she can do to rein her in.

CHEL: Vriska signs off, ranting about her “Lousy st8pid godd8mn supportive friend!” and heads down the enormous staircase to check on her lusus.

You wonder if any other kid on the planet has such a high maintenance lusus? You DOUBT it.

As a matter of fact, one does and Vriska knows that, but we’ll see them later. Not a continuity error, it’s just Vriska self-pitying.

From a window, we see a doomsday device hanging over a chasm by chains attached to the surrounding cliffs. Vriska built it for an especially powerful and influential member of the nautical aristocracy, with help from an as-yet-unnamed nearby friend. Vriska reaches the bottom of the stairwell, and we meet her lusus, which is…

… a spider about the size of a cathedral. For the sake of our arachnophobic readers, we’ll refrain from posting a picture. Suffice it to say she’s as terrifying as she sounds. Pan out to show the entire valley is filled with cobwebs, and Vriska’s hive is matched by a similar one on the other side of the valley.

Before we move on, I’d just like to chat a little about the astrological symbolisms used here. Vriska’s the Scorpio troll, and it puzzles a lot of people that she’s spider-themed instead of scorpion-themed. Both arachnids, but not the same thing. However, Scorpio does have multiple symbols, depending on the source of the interpretation of the constellation, including the spider and the phoenix. Observe! (I enjoy astrology. Sue me.) Also, a scorpion would be a lot harder to get the story symbolism out of; Vriska is at least attempting to be a master manipulator pulling on strings, i.e. webs. The astrological symbolism and alleged personality traits aren’t used for all of the trolls in general, either. The troll with the sign of Aquarius the Water-Bearer is seadwelling nobility and probably wouldn’t be happy to be represented astrologically by a servant, and Gamzee is basically the opposite of the ambitious and hardworking traits of the allegedly typical Capricorn. Basically the signs are mostly aesthetic and if Huss can work in some connected symbolism that’s a bonus. I don’t consider this a negative thing in particular, though it might annoy some astrology buffs.

Actually, I don’t know how intentional this was, but one fan actually analysed how the social expectations on Alternia are in fact the exact opposite of what would actually suit their astrological sign. It didn’t get finished but there’s some interesting information - read the posts in question here, beware spoilers!

BRIGHT: One amusing consequence of this can be turned into a game: Go to Tumblr, find an astrology post, and see how long it takes to figure out if it’s a Homestuck riff. Some of them even just say ‘Vriska’ for Scorpio.

It’s probably just because I mostly follow fandom-related blogs, but I’ve yet to see a Tumblr astrology post that wasn’t a more-or-less-subtle Homestuck joke.

CHEL: And the ones which aren’t make for great fanfic prompts!

BRIGHT: Vriska’s lusus is fine, as it happens. Vriska pretends to be happy about this, but she’s rather less convincing than Dave is about his own guardianship issues. 

FAILURE ARTIST: And we turn from Vriska to look in her neighbor and it’s….that creepy guy! Hurray!

Your name is EQUIUS ZAHHAK.

You love being STRONG.

You are so strong, you would surely be the class of the elite legion of RUFFIANNIHILATORS. And while such a calling would be quite honorable, you would prefer to join the ranks of the ARCHERADICATORS, perhaps the most noble echelon the imperial forces have to offer. Unfortunately, you SUCK AT ARCHERY. You have not successfully fired a SINGLE ARROW. Every time you try, you BREAK THE BOW. You are simply too strong. You have broken so many bows, it has developed into a habit BORDERING ON FETISHISTIC. You have to stop. But addiction is a powerful thing.

You have a great appreciation for THE FINE ARTS. You use your aristocratic connections to acquire PRICELESS MASTERPIECES, painted in the oldest and most respected Alternian tradition of NUDE MUSCLEBEAST PORTRAITS. These striking depictions of the EXQUISITE FAUNA native to Alternia remind you of the PUREST PHYSICAL IDEAL that must be sought by anyone who professes a LOVE OF STRENGTH. When those of lesser bloodlines turn up their uncultured noses at such stunning material, it MAKES YOU FURIOUS.

Practically everything MAKES YOU FURIOUS. You have so much rage, it can only be expressed through STAGGERING QUANTITIES OF PHYSICAL VIOLENCE. You build strong and sturdy robots, set them to kill mode, and BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THEM in caged brawls. Sometimes you LOSE TEETH. But they usually grow back.

FAILURE ARTIST: Equius Zahhak’s first name is obviously a take on the Latin word for horses, but his last name is from a Persian demon who is also known as “he who has 10,000 horses”. 

So yes, that furry porn on his walls is high art to trolls. Though the prequel Hiveswap Friendsim, which has artist characters, doesn’t have MUSCLEBEAST PORTRAITS. Maybe Equius is actually weird.

CHEL: Actually, the Friendsim does have musclebeast art; if you squint at the beginning of Nikhee’s route, you can see depictions of white muscular chests flanking the arena, which don’t look like troll chests. Hiveswap proper is rated PG, so we’ll be spared it there, too.

FAILURE ARTIST: Equius is more even-tempered than his introduction suggests. He’s not completely violence-free (as we will see)  but he’s not in a constant ‘roid-rage. Heck, from what we’ve seen before of him he just gets peeved and snotty. 

Equius calls for his lusus Aurthour, who I guess could be called another self-insert. Aurthour is a centaur-type creature with cow udders and a mustache and looks like something out of Hussie’s early comics. Aurthour carries a glass of lusus milk on a platter, presumably from its own udders. Ummm. 

You cannot hope to beat Aurthour in a butler-off. He is simply the best there is.

Sweet, I guess.

CHEL: I wonder how Aurthour contorts around to reach his udder. Centaurs aren’t really known for flexibility.

FAILURE ARTIST: We find out why Aurthour has a shiner. It’s not because of domestic abuse but because when Equius “gently” pats Aurthour, Aurthour bruises. Yet this creature is the only lusus STRONG enough to raise Equius. 

Equius tries to drink the glass, but it shatters in his hand. Which begs the question of why Aurthour doesn’t use an alternative to glass. Well, I guess Equius going straight to the source would be too disturbing even for Hussie. A bigger problem is how Equius can do the fine detail work of building robots when he can’t hold a glass. 

Equius goes into a rage, which just means he stands around in Hero Mode while the lusus milk quickly evaporates. Wait, quickly evaporates? What is it made of?

CHEL: I assumed the heat of his rage boiled it.

FAILURE ARTIST: Equius tries to equiup equip a bow but fails due to his strength. Like the glass smashing, this is a normal occurrence. You’d think he’d give up but apparently breaking bows is like popping bubble wrap to him. Expensive bubble wrap. So he has the useless 1/2bowkind, a bowkind for when he’s ever that lucky, and the fistkind which he actually utilizes. Yes, in Homestuck, you can register your fists as lethal weapons. 

Equius talks with Nepeta and the narration summarizes like thus:

CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no

Equius is still worried about his good friend Nepeta, so he decides to relieve his stress by talking with another friend. And here comes a line fans take as meaning trolls don’t have friendship. 

It should be noted that in troll language, the word for friend is exactly the same as the word for enemy.

Though that line contradicts Equius considering Nepeta his friend only a few lines back. This worldbuilding sucks. 

CHEL: Well, he doesn’t treat her the way a human should treat a friend at this point.

FAILURE ARTIST: So Equius trolls this frienemy who turns out to be Gamzee.

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

CT: D --> Have I ever told you what a reprehensible disgrace you are

TC: hAhA, fUcK yEaH, oNlY eVeRy MoThErFuCkIn DaY bRo!  

Yeah, Equius, pretty much everyone tells Gamzee that every day. 

Equius says he wants get some things off his chest, which giving what we later learn about troll relationships might be adulterous. Gamzee tells him not to let his feelings be bottled up lIkE a FuCkIn AlL sHaKeD uP bOtTlE oF fAyGo and this metaphor makes Gamzee thristy. Equius berates Gamzee for drinking soda, which seems harsh but we later find out soda is booze for trolls. He’s also angry at Gamzee for doing sopor slime. Now, fans think Karkat didn’t like Gamzee doing sopor slime but we never actually see it. It’s just Equius who cares. This leads to an exchange I find interesting.

CT: D --> You will stop

TC: WhOaAaA, i WiLl?

TC: hOw Do YoU kNoW tHaT?

CT: D --> No, you don't understand

CT: D --> It's not a predi%ion, it's an order

CT: D --> I command you to stop

Gamzee is so passive he finds it hard to imagine making decisions that will change his future. Sad. And when Gamzee does get what Equius means:

TC: Oh, AlRiGhT bRoThEr.

TC: yOu MoThErFuCkIn GoT iT.

CT: D --> What

CT: D --> Are you serious

TC: yEaH.

TC: I mEaN, yOu GoT tO sHoW sOmE fAiTh In YoUr FrIeNdS, cAuSe ThEy'Re AlL tHe OnEs WhO'rE bEiNg To LoOk OuT fOr YoU.

TC: sO fUcK iF yOu SaY i'M nOt DoInG tHe ShIt RiGhT, tHeN wHaT tHe MoThErFuCk Do I kNoW!

CT: D --> No

CT: D --> This is una%eptable

CT: D --> Ok, let's start over

CT: D --> I apologize

CT: D --> I was completely out of of line, and I'm sorry

CT: D --> I have no right to talk to you like that, or tell you what you can't do

TC: aWw, No WoRrIeS!

Gamzee was ready to kick sopor slime except Equius backed down. Wondering about the timeline where Equius didn’t back down. 

Still, Equius begs Gamzee to behave like a superior. Gamzee asks what that means and Equius gives a very creepy answer.

CT: D --> 100k, it isn't that difficult

CT: D --> Try to be cognizant of your desires and needs

CT: D --> And attempt to regard those around you as simple vehicles meant to bring about your gratification

At least Equius is a hypocrite...most of the time.

Equius asks what Gamzee is doing and Gamzee relates his adventures in Sgrub. He bonked an imp on the head and scared another with a horn and eventually ended up sharing pie with them. Equius likes the tales of valor but is disappointed with the peaceful end. 

Equius asks Gamzee to roleplay and Gamzee says yes; there’s an uncomfortable sequence where Equius tries to get Gamzee to virtually dom him. Gamzee is terrible at being assertive, but Equius is still whipped into a state of contrition. Basically, Equius is getting off on this. 

CHEL: It should be noted that tricking a child into sexual behaviour is a form of abuse even when it’s done by a child of the same age. Not cool, Eq, and not funny, Hussie.

CALL CPA PLEASE: 11

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 40

SEND THEM TO THE SLAMMER: 4

Though, while that is clearly the reading we’re meant to get from that, I have to say Equius never reads to me like he’s actually enjoying being ordered around. With Gamzee he’s just frustrated that he’s not behaving in a correct manner, and in later exchanges he seems knocked off-balance by the normal social order being upended. I know I’m just projecting, but it reads more like he has some issues with anxiety or OCD and is desperate for someone else to take control and tell him what they want him to do so he doesn’t have to worry. He sweats constantly during these exchanges, which is supposed to imply he’s aroused, but people sweat when they’re worried or afraid too.

FAILURE ARTIST: On a lighter front, Equius says he doesn’t live near the ocean, which considering his neighbor regularly goes on a pirate ship is an odd thing to say.

CHEL: How near is “near”? He might just mean not within walking distance so he can’t casually wander out to the sea like Gamzee does.

FAILURE ARTIST: Equius ends by wondering about the social order that puts someone like Gamzee above him but someone as graceful and poised as a certain mysterious she is of the lowest caste. Gamzee (and the readers) ask who she is and Equius brusquely says D -->I shouldn’t be talking about this D → You’re the enemy before signing off. 

CHEL: If one’s been paying attention, one can guess.

Next, Equius and Vriska are in cahoots. Cahoooooooots. Vriska declares her intention to meddle, and they have a brief exchange about sarcasm. It’s horribly inconsistent whether trolls have sarcasm or not, as I’ve pointed out before. Already gave a point for it, though.

Anyway, Vriska asks if Aradia’s present is finished. It is.

CT: D --> But I don't understand why you're intent on gratifying that worthless peasant

AG: 8ecause I promised I would and it's none of your damn 8usiness! Man.

Their plan is to let Aradia usurp Sollux as leader with her cute little ploy (recall her sending him to sleep and letting him swallow mind honey earlier), then both snatch power from her and become joint leaders. Each asks the other if they’re planning something sneaky and each insists they’re not. Equius can sense that Vriska is trying to read his mind, and when she won’t stop, he takes control of her cybernetic arm, which he built, and makes her slap herself in the face.

FAILURE ARTIST: So given that Vriska tried to read Equius’ mind, despite the dangers (both physically and mentally), it is unbelievable she refrained from reading Karkat’s due to delicacy. 

I think Hussie has said in his commentary that Vriska had a crush on Equius. The fandom prefers lesbian Vriska at this point and so has ignored that. YMMV on if there is evidence of a crush in the text but I find the idea amusing. 

CHEL: Equius goes to fetch the present for Aradia which he was supposed to give to Vriska.

You naturally will doublecross your accomplice, just as you assume she has plans to doublecross you. You assume she is assuming the same of you. Business as usual for blue bloods.

How the hell does this society get anything done?

You will deliver it to Aradia yourself to gain her favor, and then doublecross her and take your rightful position as team leader. How ironic that someone of your blood purity must work to win the favor of the lowest sort of peasant. Humiliating. Strangely titillating, even. But in the end, class order will be restored.

He takes the tarp off the present, and it is…

Why, Aradia. It appears the red glass of your eye has caught the pink and green glint of the moons in their perigees. The sweet poetry almost makes a man forget how the grime that once filled your veins made his stomach turn. It is a good omen for illicit lovers. Could you imagine the scandal if anyone found out?? No one must ever know.

But worry not. Your heart will pump no more of that despicable red sludge. You have been given a new heart. You can be taught the ways of the class you were always meant for. No one is beyond redemption.

Be grateful, dear Aradia. For the first time in your meaningless life you have met a man with true compassion.

Jesus fucking Christ. See what I meant when I said his interactions with girls were worse than his posters? No points because it’s supposed to be creepy, and with the teachings of his society it’s not entirely his fault, but wow.

FAILURE ARTIST: Well, his interaction with a girl is creepy. His relationship with Nepeta is more problematic than fans remember but that’s two-sided and not infatuation. As for Vriska, he’s cold and business-like with her. He collaborates with GA but that’s off-screen and was probably also business-like. Meanwhile, he has lustful interactions with most every male character. We’ve seen how he acts with Gamzee and we’ll see more later. Equius’ interactions with guys are another example of Hussie using male attraction to other males as a punchline.

CHEL: But yes, he’s built her a robot body. Unfortunately for everyone involved, while making out with it, he feels judged by one of his battlebots, gets angry, and punches it. It goes flying out the window and robosplodes above the valley, and its remains hit Vriska’s doomsday device, setting it off. It breaks before it can actually destroy the planet, but the chains holding it up snap, sending it swinging into the cliffside, causing another explosion. The cliff collapses, taking part of Equius’ hive with it, sending Aurthour plummeting into the chasm and crushing Vriska’s spider lusus under tons of rubble.

Cutting back to before that, we see Terezi battling imps on her treehouse’s rooftop, when Vriska messages her, declaring that playing the game together means breaking their truce. Terezi says that’s not what the truce was about; it was about STOPP1NG TH3 3NDL3SS CYCL3 OF R3V3NG3 and Vriska not using her powers maliciously anymore. Terezi’s next couple of comments are just calling Vriska a liar so I’ll just take Vriska’s, to further illustrate her behaviour.

AG: Man, you like to give me such a hard time a8out all that. I can't catch a 8reak! AG: Can't you see I'm trying to put all that 8ehind me and make amends with every8ody? AG: No, of course you can't see that. What am I saying! [...] AG: I'll prove it to you. I'm giving Aradia a present that will make her feel all 8etter finally. AG: Then I'll 8e in the clear. Phew! Totally redeemed. You'll see. I mean smell.

Vriska appears under the impression that large flashy gestures are the important part of an apology, not actual sincerity. Terezi points out Aradia doesn’t care about anything anymore and probably won’t care about this.

AG: Man, why can't you cut me some slack for once???????? AG: It's not like I even did anything that 8ad to you. AG: I lost seven eyes 8ut you only lost two! I would say you came out ahead in the 8argain. GC: 1 KNOW GC: 4ND 4CTU4LLY GC: 1 N3V3R R34LLY GOT TH3 CH4NC3 TO TH4NK YOU >:D

Vriska’s disbelief aside, Terezi really is serious here. Not surprising to the reader, her blindness is basically a superpower.

AG: Remem8er Team Scourge? How convenient all that must 8e to have forgotten! You were so nasty. AG: Oh man, if you crossed Terezi Pyrope you were fucked!!!!!!!! GC: Y34H 1F YOU W3R3 4 B4D GUY GC: W3 W3R3 SUPPOS3D TO B3 L1K3 4 V1G1L4NT3 DUO D1SP3NS1NG JUST1C3 GC: 4ND YOU COULD T4K3 TH3 B4D GUYS HOM3 4ND F33D TH3M TO YOUR STUP1D SP1D3R GC: BUT 1NST34D YOU JUST F3D H3R 3V3RYBODY! GC: 4ND L13D 4ND L13D 4ND L13D

Okay, this little exchange needs some more dissection. Terezi is supposed to be the “good cop” of Team Scourge, the by-the-book one on the side of the law. But we saw what Alternian law is like, and later on we’ll see demonstrations that things such as having a birth defect or, according to Hiveswap, owning fiction which so much as mentions the possibility of rebellion, are punishable by death. Not only is this not making Terezi look any better, if she’s as obsessed with the law as we saw, who would she deem not a “bad guy”, and why would Vriska have such a shortage of “bad guys” that she’d need to take anyone else? Hussie appears to have forgotten that the Alternian concept of justice is different from the Earth one.

FAILURE ARTIST: And what we would consider a “bad guy” wouldn’t be the same on Alternia. There’s tons of trolls murdering other trolls on Hiveswap Friendsim without any hint that’s illegal. It’s probably completely lawful for a highblood to kill a lowblood just because the lowblood annoyed them.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 29

BRIGHT: Maybe. I’d say what this shows us, and is intended to show us, is that Terezi’s sense of justice isn’t just based on Alternian law, but on her own moral code. The law made it perfectly acceptable for Vriska to feed lowbloods to her lusus regardless of whether they’d done anything, but Terezi didn’t think it was right, and for her that superseded the law. She’s the ‘good cop’ not because she always follows the book, but because she’s willing to ignore it.

We also know she thought Vriska was on the same page as her. Note that Terezi makes two accusations here — the first is that Vriska killed people who don’t deserve it, and the second is that Vriska lied to Terezi about doing so.

CHEL: That may be what it’s intended to show us, but what we’ve already seen is that she worships the law; she draws and gleefully licks pictures of the head of the troll court, His Honorable Tyranny, and she shows no concern in her roleplay with hypothetically executing people for relatively trivial crimes. That makes this a bit… shaky, IMO.

BRIGHT: True. Terezi may have stopped killing since her FLARP days (or, at least, we get no indication that she’s still doing so), but it doesn’t seem to have shaken her belief in the Alternian legal system. Just her belief in Vriska, who even brings up a similar point.

AG: Well if you want to know what I think, you should start changing your tune. AG: Cause even though you got all these highfalutin morals and fancy reserv8tions, you know as well as me that a killer is a killer is a killer! AG: There 8n't no ch8nging your ways for good, and one d8y you're going to flail that silly l8ttle cane of yours and not find n8thin to 8ump into, and fall f8ce first into the shit ag8in. AG: And you're going to do something t8rri8le to some8ody and wish you could t8ke it 8ack 8ut you c8n't!!!!!!!! AG: And then you'll work hard to win 8ack their trust, and you'll try and try and tr8, and you'll see how hard it is! AG: You'll seeeeeeee!

Vriska’s making this all about her own feelings about Terezi abandoning her, but she’s not wrong.

Vriska hears the doomsday device exploding and the subsequent rockslide, and goes to  find out what it is. Terezi tells her not to get crushed.

The next page jumps back in time again -- this time, quite far back. Terezi’s eyes are normal, and she’s talking to Aradia about Tavros’s recovery. Aradia says he’s probably paralysed for life. Terezi brings up the possibility of getting him robo-prosthetics, but after the Vriska debacle Aradia is firmly against having anything to do with bluebloods.

CHEL: Terezi warns Aradia that revenge attempts will end badly and she wants to handle it. Aradia says Vriska isn’t able to control her, but Terezi says Vriska will find a way to harm her anyway. They lament how they were both distracted by the same person.

AA: wh0 was he anyway GC: PR3TTY SUR3 1T WAS VR1SKAS FR13ND AA: what was he d0ing there AA: watching us GC: WHO KNOWS GC: H3S NOT R34LLY H3R FR13ND THOUGH GC: YOU SHOULD S33 HOW H3 T4LKS 4BOUT H3R B3H1ND H3R B4CK GC: SH3 H4S NO 1D34 HOW B4D H3S PL4Y1NG H3R GC: BUT TH3N 1 DONT TH1NK H3 KNOWS HOW B4D SH3S PL4Y1NG H1M 31TH3R

This sounds like they mean Equius, but we’ll see. Aradia feels she’s letting Vriska win by doing nothing, but Terezi has a plan. She confirms that her friendship with Vriska is over.

Cut to Aradia’s house, and here I need to go into a bit more detail. This is her house:

Aradia’s a maroonblood, the lowest of the low on the hemospectrum, peasantry and cannon fodder and supposedly extremely numerous. Yet her house looks to be about the size of the entire block of flats I live in, and she lives in it alone, with no other buildings at all in sight. In the next page, we see inside her house, which looks exactly the same as all the others; she has piles of roleplaying books and posters and a computer, and nothing looks to be in disrepair.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 30

BRIGHT: Her house also looks a lot like Tavros’s, what with the windmill feature on top and the brown hangings rather than maroon, which threw me off at first.

CHEL: We’ll talk about this more later. For now, let’s stick with the most noticeable thing; Aradia is alive! Her skirt is untattered and her eyes have colour and pupils. Her lusus is alive too, napping beside her. It’s not quite clear what it is exactly; it has a sheep-like head, but its body is long and slim with much bigger hind legs than forelegs. Could be supposed to be dragon-like? I’ve also seen it interpreted as kangaroo-like. I don’t think we ever get a better view of it.

Anyway, Aradia knows Terezi’s advice is sound, but she can’t bear not to do something to Make her pay. She puts her hands up to her temples, and the image fades back and forth with one of wrapped troll corpses in Spidermom’s web…

It's a shame it had to come to this. You don't like summoning the spirits of the dead to settle scores.

But if she had to face her victims again, maybe she'd finally learn to feel remorse.

OOOOOOOOOO

This begs the question, how the fuck can the highbloods oppress people who not only hugely outnumber them but can shoot lasers from their eyes, control animals, and summon the dead at will? Well, there’s actually some explanation for that. The player trolls all appear to have unusual levels of power, for whatever their given powers are; most maroonbloods can’t do this. In Hiveswap a main character is a more typical maroonblood, who can just about bend spoons with his telekinesis and not much else (though we haven’t seen him speak with dead yet, and it’s possible he’s better at that). Not all trolls even have their caste’s powers, as far as I can tell, as we do see a yellow in Hiveswap Friendsim who’s not a psionic and some ceruleans who don’t seem to have mind-control powers as well. Head or eye injuries, which aren’t exactly rare in Alternia, can cause the loss of said powers. Also, the highest blood castes have powers of their own and other things to hold over the lowbloods’ heads. It’ll be a while till we get to that, but I’ll say now it is convincing, we do not have an Oppressed Mages scenario.

Anyway, Aradia does her thing…

As Vriska cowers on her floor, White Text Guy messages her again. Vriska replies angrily, ghosts looming over her shoulders.

Aren't you going to kill her?

AG: Who????????

Your friend.

The one who summoned the spirits.

AG: Will that make them go away?

Does it matter?

She brought them here to torment you. This obviously warrants revenge.

Vriska asks why WTG doesn’t kill Aradia instead, since he helped kill Tavros; he replies “All I did was stand somewhere for a few minutes. I just gave you an opportunity to do something you wanted to do anyway.” So, seems it wasn’t Equius they meant earlier. Vriska protests she never intended to kill her gaming companions, and blames him.

Again, I didn't talk you into anything, nor am I doing so now.

You were, and are, going to do this regardless.

I only ever place myself into positions of tangential involvement with events that will bring about my employer's entry into this universe.

I oversee the events as they take place, and ever so slightly nudge them into motion when necessary.

BRIGHT: Looks like Aradia and Terezi haven’t told her Tavros survived, which is eminently sensible. This conversation also highlights another Vriska trait: That she’s a very active person, but will try to shift responsibility as soon as she doesn’t like the consequences. That could be a result of her upbringing -- Vriska had to actively go and kill people for Spidermom, but she wasn’t responsible for the overall situation. (Although -- how much did she do to ameliorate it? By the time SGRUB starts, Spidermom’s far too big to fit into Vriska’s home. Vriska might have been able to get away with not feeding her at that point; there’s not much Spidermom can do if she can’t get to her.)

CHEL: The later addition to the canon, Pesterquest, claims that the lusii can psychically nag their charges and she could bother Vriska that way, but that directly contradicts Act 5, in which the trolls want to prototype their lusii so that they’ll be able to communicate properly with them for the first time, and also couldn’t Vriska just move further away?

BRIGHT: Inertia is very much a thing, and people do often just settle into a rut of ‘this is the way things are’ even when something could be changed, so it’s not improbable that it wouldn’t occur to Vriska to move — come to that, I don’t believe it occurs to anyone else either — but the fact that it doesn’t occur to her does say something about her character. 

CHEL: Also, why didn’t Vriska feed the spider on animals? The possibility is never so much as considered by her or anyone else, though it seems the most obvious thing to do. Sure, the spider might be picky, but as we said, it can’t leave the valley due to its size, or it’d be hunting for itself. If it’s left with the choice to eat cows or die, it’d presumably pick the former, especially since the lusii aren’t supposed to be sapient and thus wouldn’t have the capacity for spite. For assuming that Vriska did what she had to when such a screamingly obvious better option is never addressed, here we go with a new count, which will rise whenever Vriska’s horrible actions are excused.

ALL THE LUCK: 1

 Back to the scene, Scratch claims omniscience, which Vriska mocks.

AG: Sure you know a lot, 8ut I know for a FACT there's stuff you don't know.

That's true.

But the gaps in my knowledge exist by design.

They are the pillars of shadow on which my comprehensive vision is built.

Necessary pockets of void meant to effectuate outcomes I've foreseen and which will require my influence.

Each dark pocket, in time, will be filled.

[...]

I don't lie.

Deception is only necessary for those like you to achieve their objectives.

I play with my cards face up.

Isn't it funny how during our various matches, I can tell you what my moves will be in advance, and still win?

Vriska, angered by this, does in fact plan to kill Aradia; Not much point in living with all these moaning spooks just to spite some guy you don't give a shit about. She can’t control Aradia because Aradia’s own powers get in the way, but there are other people she can use.

How about this guy? Unfortunately, you can only control him about half the time.

Then again, that should be all the time you need.

Cut back to Aradia’s place, and she receives a message from Vriska, telling her her boyfriend is outside. 

BRIGHT: Vriska also lightheartedly tells Aradia she’s sorry, and that she’ll make it up to ‘him’ someday. Presumably ‘he’ is meant to be Tavros, except that Vriska seemed to think Tavros was dead in literally the last conversation she had. This is probably just a slip-up on Hussie’s part, but it’s possible to read this as Vriska referring to a different ‘he’ entirely, considering what’s about to happen.

CHEL: Aradia looks, and sees a figure hovering telekinetically over the fields....

Note what’s in his hand. You do not under any circumstances eat the mind honey… His eyes start flashing and Aradia looks afraid, but we suddenly cut to a view of Alternia, and then to a closeup of its green moon. The prompt instructs us to Be the white text guy, and we meet him in a very familiar-looking green mansion.

You try to be the white text guy, but fail to be the white text guy. No one can be the white text guy except for the white text guy.

The white text guy is known as Doc Scratch.

He is an officer of an indestructible demon known as Lord English. His job is to pave the way for the arrival of his master, who will be summoned upon the termination of the universe. He has worked at this task for many centuries, and will continue to do so until THE GREAT UNDOING.

Scratch is Alternia's FIRST GUARDIAN. Every planet destined for intelligent life has such an entity meant to protect it, and facilitate the planet's ultimate purpose. A first guardian is typically almost as old as the planet itself, and each has a unique, circuitous origin through the knots of paradox space. They can be born into a great diversity of forms, though they all share a common, especially potent genetic sequence. 

Remember Rose’s MEOW book, and how DD used it to create Becquerel? Yep.

The code grants them near omnipotence, and when merged with a host of great intelligence, near omniscience as well.

BRIGHT: Only near-omniscence, however. Scratch is surprised to find Terezi contacting him, but he’s able to work out that she got Sollux to help pretty fast:

Occasionally I discover there are things I have not always known.

It gives me the opportunity to make deductions, which are practically always flawless.

It's gratifying.

He also suggests she call him ‘Mr. Vanilla Milkshake’, and then hints that Aradia might not be straightforwardly dead by stating that Sollux and Terezi believe she is dead, and will soon believe she is not, both of which are true statements about their beliefs rather than reality.

Props to Hussie on this: I’m pretty sure every Homestuck fan wants to punch Scratch in the face. He’s just so obnoxious. 

Terezi, however, refuses to let Scratch keep derailing her for long. She wants Scratch to get involved in their feud again, and she has a good reason for him: She knows how Vriska’s been able to come so close to beating Scratch in their games lately. Before she can tell him, though, she needs to talk to Vriska again.

She starts by asking how Vriska feels about killing Aradia, after she promised not to. Vriska responds with dramatic insincerity about how she feels awful, and then says Terezi should be happy that Team Charge is out of the picture. 

AG: Uuuuuuuugh, what do you want from me????????

GC: 1M NOT SUR3

GC: 1 GU3SS 1M LOOK1NG FOR SOM3 R34SON TO CH4NG3 MY M1ND

GC: 1 DONT KNOW WH4T YOU C4N S4Y TH4TLL DO 1T

GC: 1 SORT4 HOP3 TH3R3S SOM3TH1NG THOUGH

In the end, there isn’t. Terezi tells Vriska she’ll be dead in a couple of minutes, and to ‘CONSULT W1TH YOUR L1TTL3 4DV4NT4G3’ if she doesn’t believe it, then leaves the conversation.

Vriska’s little advantage turns out to be a MAGIC CUE BALL, which is similar to a magic 8 ball except that it’s predictions are specific and accurate, and it lacks a portal through which the user can read said predictions. Fortunately that’s not an obstacle for Vriska: Her VISION EIGHTFOLD allows her to see through the opaque casing.

CHEL: Vision Eightfold is the vision from the one of Vriska’s eyes which has seven pupils, which she covered with an eyepatch with seven rubies on it when she was FLARPing. Also remember that Jade had a Magic Cue Ball but couldn’t read it? Yeah, it’s another one.

BRIGHT: One other thing: According to rumour, it used to belong to the man on the moon.

As Vriska asks the cueball whether she should be worried about Terezi’s threat (answer: YES), Terezi lets Scratch know where his missing property has gone. Vriska asks the cueball how it’s going to happen…

I WILL EXPLODE IN YOUR FACE.

Boom.

This section is one of my favourite Terezi moments. It really shows off Terezi’s ability to outthink and manoeuvre people. She’s never spoken to Scratch before, but she still plays him against Vriska easily.

CHEL: This is why Vriska has a plain eyepatch and a robot arm in her future appearances, but she’s otherwise fine. Bluebloods are tough, apparently.

BRIGHT: Back in the future, Spidermom has survived the rubble falling on her, but just barely. Vriska puts her out of her misery with her magic dice, which summon up a massive guillotine and decapitate the lusus, drenching Vriska in spider blood.

GORE GALORE: 11

The decapitation sets off another landslide, sending Equius’s house straight down on Vriska’s head, but before it can land, a portal opens underneath it and transports it into the Medium.

Vriska promptly jumps on Trollian to freak out about this, because her plan depended on her getting Aradia’s surprise present from Equius to pass along and then Aradia and Vriska entering the Medium together, and never mind that a house was about to fall on her -- in fact, when Aradia points out that Vriska was about to die, Vriska accuses her of planning this. Aradia placidly agrees.

CHEL: This is part of my evidence for thinking Vriska might not be neurotypical. Not the priorities most people would have. Also, meanwhile, note that the lusii have the same blood colour as their charges, while the non-lusus animals Nepeta killed were black and had red blood. I’m not sure whether that’s a species trait, or a side effect of the weird bond between them (doesn’t make a lot of biological sense, but then this is basically fantasy with a sci-fi coat of paint).

Vriska is enraged by things not going the way she planned; her grand gesture of apology, the robot body, will now be handed over by Equius and not her, ruining her chance to be friends again with Aradia. Again, she doesn’t seem to understand how apologies work.

AA: were we ever really friends

AG: Yeah!!!!!!!!

AG: I don't know. I felt like we were even if you didn't think so.

AG: I guess I'm not very good at acting like a friend. Or saying stuff like, hey friend! You're my friend! It doesn't really occur to me.

For some strange reason related to her prototyping with the frog statue, Aradia types out “ribbit” into the chatbox, and informs Vriska she’s not on the Blue team as she expected, enraging Vriska further. Vriska accuses her of taking revenge, which Aradia denies, saying Vriska was always going to be on the Red team, and that she doesn’t care about her death.

AG: You're so infuri8ing! Why c8n't you just h8 me? It would 8e a lot easier th8t way.

AG: Or at least feel 8othered or annoyed or S8METHING! God!!!!!!!!

AG: May8e I sh8uld just rip my he8rt out of my chest and pound it to a 8loody pulp here on my desk with my sup8r strong ro8ot arm.

AG: Pound pound pound pound pound pound pound pound!

AG: Look at that, more nasty 8lue 8lood all over me. Why not! Might as well op8n the floodg8s and p8nt my whole hive with this oh so envia8le cerulean SWILL.

AG: 8ecause clearly it's up to me to feel em8tions for the 8oth of us, you misera8le soulless witch!

AA: 0_0

AG: I h88888888 you!

AG: H8 h8 h8 h8 h8 h8 h8 haaaaaaaate!

AG: I only regret killing you cause it m8de you so 8ORING!!!!!!!!

AA: s0rry

Aradia assures her that the teams are meaningless, but being on the Red team will put Vriska in the position they need her in. Vriska’s confused and angry, and leaves the chat.

In Equius’ LAND OF CAVES AND SILENCE, he trolls Aradia again, telling her he will be the sole leader, which she doesn’t care about. He’s surprised she isn’t objecting, and says he needs a towel.

CT: D --> Never mind

CT: D --> I'm trying to stay professional about this

AA: ab0ut what

AA: what are y0u talking ab0ut

CT: D --> Forget it

CT: D --> It's just pleasant to consort with one of lesser breeding who clearly understands her place

He’s been established to suffer from hyperhydrosis, but he’s clearly also supposed to be getting off on this, which, since he’s thirteen, is icky to read.

CALL CPA PLEASE: 12

It only gets worse.

CT: D --> I 100k forward to seeing how well you serve me, server player

AA: uh

AA: thats n0t quite the meaning 0f the w0rd server

CT: D --> What do you mean

AA: as y0ur server i manipulate y0ur envir0nment t0 help y0u advance

CT: D --> I don't understand

CT: D --> Are you

CT: D --> Are you saying

CT: D --> That

CT: D --> You are in a position of control over me

AA: i supp0se s0

CT: D --> Oh

AA: what

CT: D --> Oh my God

He babbles about how he needs fresh air or another towel, getting so agitated he actually drops an F-bomb, which he immediately covers up with “Fiddlesticks”. He says he wants to break something, and Aradia offers to break something for him, as she’s developed an interest in breaking things recently. Next page, she flings an “abluti0n trap” through his wall. 

FAILURE ARTIST: The running gag of girls fucking up boy’s homes with bathroom appliances continues!

CHEL: He’s very happy, except about her commoner slang.

CT: D --> In fact, this is an order from your leader

CT: D --> Call things by their proper names

AA: what

AA: y0u want me t0 call it a bath tub

AA: that s0unds ridicul0us

As FA noted, this bit of worldbuilding ends up retconned out with all trolls calling things by strange rewordings later on.

Whatever it’s called, Equius asks her to throw it through the wall again. She asks if that’s an order, and he can’t decide.

CT: D --> You could cause quite a bother for me, with the power you wield

CT: D --> I can do nothing to stop you, peasant girl

CT: D --> It's so magnificently depraved

CALL CPA PLEASE: 13

Aradia ribbits again and he takes it for roleplaying, but commands her to continue to do as she pleases. He tells her he’s bringing the robot body, and muses on whether she should actually be co-leader again; in fact, he decides, she should be the actual leader, in secret, through him. She points out that’s what they’re doing anyway.

CT: D --> You take to authority well for one of your b100d

AA: i d0nt have bl00d

CT: D --> Not yet

CT: D --> But soon your heart will beat anew, and through it, fresh b100d and fresh passion

AA: 0_0

CALL CPA PLEASE: 14

Equius proceeds to STRONGJUMP right up to his first Gate, punching off an ogre’s head as he goes, and to STRONGFALL out into LOQAM, where Aradia waits. Equius hands over the robot and Aradia enters it; she seems happy, but Equius cautiously asks if she feels anything else.

EQUIUS: D --> Can you detect anything within you might describe as

EQUIUS: D --> Smoldering passion

[...]

ARADIABOT: 0h g0d

ARADIABOT: 0H MY G0D WHAT DID Y0U D0!

ARADIABOT: did y0u pr0gram this r0b0t t0 have feelings f0r y0u?

ARADIABOT: R0MANTIC FEELINGS???

EQUIUS: D --> Hrrrk

ARADIABOT: ANSWER ME BLUE BL00D SCUM

EQUIUS: D --> I

EQUIUS: D --> Yes

EQUIUS: D --> Uh

EQUIUS: D --> It's a chip in your heart

EQUIUS: D --> Is that not ok

Understandably, it is emphatically not.

GORE GALORE: 12

Now, this is undeniably a really, really, really creepy thing to do. I’m not sure how much blame can be applied to Equius here, though; he’s been raised in a society which would presumably tell him she would have to accept his advances no matter what, considering their caste difference. In a horrifying way, the chip might have been, in his mind, the nicer option. Still, as I said, creepy.

CALL CPA PLEASE: 15

BRIGHT: I think it’s telling that he asks if it’s not okay after Aradia freaks out, as though he honestly hadn’t considered that Aradia might have a problem with it. Specifically, up until that point, Equius seems to be interacting with Aradia more like she’s a prop than a person — it doesn’t seem to occur to him that she might not want what he wants, unless their wants conflict in a way that he finds titillating. Then she freaks out and he’s surprised. And that in turn speaks volumes about how lowbloods are viewed by highbloods in wider society.

Contrast Vriska, who absolutely realises that people down spectrum can have their own agendas and emotional reactions; she just does her own thing anyway. Vriska is actively malicious; Equius is, at least in this case, accidentally malicious. Note that he doesn’t make any effort to prevent her from removing the chip once he realises she’s distressed. (Not that he really gets a chance.)

Equius in particular also seems to have a problem about slotting people into roles in general -- he does it with Gamzee, too, although since Gamzee is higher-blooded than him, he has to at least face the fact that Gamzee doesn’t fit into his role. He comes across as very sheltered.

FAILURE ARTIST: Equius considers it such a good thing to be a highblood that he thinks he’s doing her the greatest favor by turning her into one. 

CHEL: This also brings up the question of where he got all that blue blood. I hope it’s synthetic. If not, he’s already said he doesn’t kill animals, so I’m not sure whether it’s creepier if he killed another troll for it or if he slowly drained it off from his own.

Aradia’s not contemplating that, too busy crushing the artificial heart and slapping the shit out of Equius for multiple pages, before, er…

Yes, she’s apparently making out with him as a reward for violating her mind, even after the chip was removed. 

BRIGHT: The first time I read Homestuck, I thought that was meant to imply that not all of the programming was gone.

FAILURE ARTIST: Hussie did confirm the programming was gone. He compared it to a failed roofying.

CHEL: This is a bit of a shock, but it makes somewhat more sense when we see more of troll culture, not long in the future. Still, right now it’s probably upsetting for a number of readers because that part of troll culture hasn’t been established, so…

CALL CPA PLEASE: 16

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 41

[the--sad--hatter]

Packing Peanuts

#5 For the 2 anons who requested it! 

Person A: Why are you hiding under my bed?

Person B: I needed a good place to hide.

Person A: And why are you naked?

Person B: That part is a little harder to explain.

 The rules of the game were kind of complicated, but worth it. For every Avenger successfully pranked, points were awarded. Each team member was worth a different amount of points, depending on how hard they were to prank. Failure to execute a prank resulted in those points instead being deducted from your final score.

 Peter: 15 points

Tony: 5 points

Bruce: 8 points  

Wanda: 10 points

Vision: 1 point

Thor: 12 points

Steve: 3 points

Bucky: 25 points

Natasha: 30 points

 “Are we all clear on the rules?” Clint asked, pacing in front of the whiteboard.

Well, crawling. There wasn’t a lot of room in the vents.

 “We’re clear. Can we get out of here now?” Sam grumbled, pushing you away from him with his legs while you squawked indignantly.

 “Eager to get to your defeat?” You taunted him, throwing a wadded up piece of paper at him.

 “Eager to kick your ass instead of being crammed in here with it.” He rebutted.

 “Children, behave. Now I officially start the first annual prankwar by lighting the ceremonial torch!” Clint announced.

 You and Sam shared a look of alarm before simultaneously scrambling for the grate to escape the small, metal vent before Clint lit the paper-mache torch. Competitiveness was temporarily put aside as you helped each other get out of the ceiling as quickly as possible, him chivalrously catching you as you dropped down and holding you while you recovered the vents.

 “That was close.” You sighed in relief, putting your hands on his shoulder to steady yourself as he lowered you to the ground.

 “What the hell?” Bucky snarled and you and Sam turned round to see him stood at the open door with a look of disgust on his face.

 “Do you mind Barnes?” Sam said haughtily, wrapping his arms around your waist.

 You covered your amused snort by shoving your face into his chest to stifle the noise.

 “Get a room next time.” Bucky snapped, slamming the door closed.

 “That’s 25 points to me!” Sam whispered ecstatically.

 “Nu uh! Making Bucky think we’re hooking up is not a prank, and even if it was, I should get the points as well!” You insisted.

 “It is so a prank!”

 “Is not!”

 “Is too!”

 The argument went on for a long time before Clint popped his head through the ceiling to weigh in and back you up.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 The three of you had vastly different tactics as far as point grabbing went. Sam went for the long but easy route, pulling off a series of easy pranks on Vision and Steve.

 He told Vision that “She got the booty, yes she do.” Was code for “She’s successfully completed her objective.” Which made the next team mission fun for everybody when Wanda took down the three agents she was supposed to.

 “We’ve got some runners on the south side, how’s Wanda doing Vis?” Natasha asked through the comms.

 “She got the booty, yes she do.” Vision said seriously.

 “VIS!” Wanda shrieked.

 You wrapped a hand around your stomach and doubled over laughing, missing the agent who was on the level above you take aim at you. It wasn’t until you heard a gunshot and turned around to see the agent topple over the side of the balcony and land on the ground with a thud that you noticed Bucky standing a few feet away from you with a murderous glare.

 “Pay attention to your surroundings!” He snapped.

 “But Bucky, Wanda’s got the booty!” You sniggered.

 “Forget about Wanda’s ass and watch your own!” He snarled.

 “Everything ok down there?” Steve asked through the comms.

 “We’re fine, Barnes is taking good care my booty apparently.” You told him, devolving into another fit of laughter.

 “Next time I’m letting you get shot!” Bucky said, deadpan.

  Clint’s tactics were less refined, he pulled off a multitude of pranks on anyone and everyone he could, some more successful than others…

 “Help me!” Clint demanded, bursting into your room.

 “You tried to prank Nat and now you’re about to die?” You guessed without looking up from your laptop.

 “Worse.” He whimpered, throwing himself dramatically at your feet.

 You looked up, interest piqued.

 “I put Cayanne Pepper in Bruce’s herbal tea. A LOT of it.” He said, his words punctuated by a distant roar.

 “I’m going for a walk!” You said, slamming your laptop closed and leaping to your feet.

 “You have to hide me!” Clint begged.

 “Nope, you are on your own!” You said quickly, making a mad dash for the door before The Hulk tracked Clint down and you got caught up in the smashing.

 Your tactics were a little nerve wracking for the other two. After the first week passed and you had failed to get a single point the mocking died down as Sam and Clint realised you didn’t seem at all worried. You had big plans though, the prank of all pranks. Unfortunately, in order to pull it off, you needed to fall on your own sword so you didn’t get caught.

 “Where the hell are our clothes?” Natasha demanded.

 “What?” You asked in confusion, peering out of the shower stall in the locker room.

 Her face was calm and controlled as she looked around the room for her and your clothes.

 “Someone stole our clothes.” She said coolly.

 “What the hell?” You demanded, getting out and wrapping a towel around yourself.

 Her eyes swept the room one final time before they landed suspiciously on the vent in the ceiling and you forced yourself to remain calm.

 “I’m going to kill him.” She announced, making sure the towel was wrapped around herself firmly before she stormed away.

 That was 30 points right there, and the added bonus of seeing Clint get eviscerated. Yes, taking on Nat was a huge risk. There was a reason she was worth the most points but damnit, you were playing to win. Now, you needed to wait until she got back to her room and hope that your second prank had been executed as flawlessly.

 Again you were going to suffer but the only way to keep yourself off her radar was to make yourself into one of the victims. Thor and Wanda were also going to suffer for this one. You had also thrown Sam into the mix, partially to protect him from Nat and make sure Clint got the blame, partially for fun.

 Before meeting Nat for training you had been very very very busy.

 You walked slowly along the corridor, checking every corridor was empty and nobody was going to see you in your towel before you turned the corner. You were a good floor away when you heard Thor’s booming voice and the chaos that followed. You laughed excitedly to yourself and ran up to the living quarters, putting on an Oscar worthy shocked face at the sight that greeted you.

 Natasha, Sam, Thor, Wanda and Natasha were stood in front of their doors, aghast. Mountains of packing peanuts were overflowing out of the open doorways, spilling into the corridor. You had (with help) packed all their rooms from floor to ceiling with the things.

 “Clint’s gone too far.” Natasha said dangerously.

 “Oh it wasn’t Clint!” Sam snapped.

 You threw yourself around the corner before anybody saw you, swearing internally. Sam had turned on you, just because you’d stuck a few thousand polystyrene peanuts in his room. You felt betrayed as you heard Sam place all the blame squarely on your shoulders. When you heard them move towards you, you panicked and opened the nearest door, jumping into the room.

 Thankfully, the bedroom was empty.

 Unfortunately, it was Bucky’s.

 You looked around, clutching the towel around yourself while you waited for the angry mob to pass by. When the door handle jiggled, your heart stopped. You looked around wildly for somewhere to hide. Just as the door started to swing open you dropped to the floor and rolled under the bed, holding your breath to stop the squeak as the towel got caught on the edge of the bedframe and was ripped off of your body.

 You recognised the black boots that entered the room and breathed a sigh of relief. It was Bucky, not one of your would be murderers.

 Bucky.

 Bucky who’s bed you were currently stuffed under.

 Completely naked.

 You closed your eyes and prayed he didn’t see the towel hanging off the edge of the bedframe, or just assumed that he’d left it there at least. His feet moved around the room and your heart started jackhammering as the approached the bed. Thankfully they stopped at the edge and you heard him rifle through his bedside cabinet.

 Without any warning his metal hand curled around the bedframe, lifting it off the ground with ease and you were staring down the barrel of a gun.

 You looked at each other with equal amounts of shock while you clasped your hands across your chest and groin, trying to cover yourself.

 “Hi Bucky, how are you?” You asked casually.

 “Why are you hiding under my bed?” He asked in a strained voice as he lowered the gun.

 “I needed a good place to hide.” You said like it was a normal thing.

 “And why are you naked?” He said, studiously keeping his eyes on your face.

 “That part is a little harder to explain.” You admitted.

 “Shall I… Should I?” He asked, looking at the bedframe and nodding at it.

 “Or you could close your eyes while I stand up?” You suggested.

 “Yeah, ok. I can do that.” He agreed.

 You waited a few moments.

 “Bucky?”

 “Yeah?” He asked.

 “You need to close your eyes…” You reminded him.

 “Right! Sorry.” He said quickly, screwing his eyes closed.

 You ungracefully scrambled away from your poorly chosen hiding place and grabbed your lost towel, wrapping it around yourself hastily.

 “You can look.” You assured him and he dropped the bedframe with a loud thump before he looked at you.

 “Why…” He said, still confused.

 “I have an angry bird, a witch, a god and an Assassin hunting me down.” You explained.

 “This about the packing peanuts you had Steve help you put in their rooms?” He asked.

 You froze up, busted. There were a lot of rooms, a lot of volume to fill and you couldn’t do it alone so you’d exploited the mischievous streak that nobody seemed to know that Steve had and enlisted his help.

 “Yes?” You squeaked.

 Bucky snorted with laughter and pulled out his phone, typing something you couldn’t see.

 “Bucky please don’t tell them where I am! I’ll do anything!” You begged.

 “Anything?” He asked, looking up at you.

 “Yes. Anything.” You agreed quickly.

 You didn’t see Bucky asking you to anything terrible and whatever it was, it wasn’t worse than being tortured by Natasha.

 “Well there are four of them, so I think that entitles me a big favour but I’m feeling generous so you do one, small thing for me and I wont tell anyone where you are.” He offered.

 “Ok, deal!” You said without even pausing to consider it.

 “I want to borrow your towel.” He said, his lips twitching.

 “This towel?” You asked.

 “That’s the one.” He said.

 “The one I’m wearing.” You checked.

 “Yes.” He stated.

 “You want to borrow it… now?” You asked him nervously.

 “Yes, I do.” He confirmed.

 You gaped at him while he bit his lip, trying not to laugh.

 “Fine.” You said abruptly, whipping the towel off and holding it out to him.

 It was his turn to be shocked and his eyes immediately dropped off their own accord, drinking in the sight of your uncovered body.

 “Jesus.” He choked out.

 You held your chin up and tried to give off an air of confidence.

 “I… I was just teasing.” He spluttered, still looking you up and down.

 “Ah. Well this is embarrassing.” You muttered.

 You tried to pull the towel back over yourself but he reached out and snatched it away, shoving his phone into your hand.

 “I charged all the packing peanuts to Sam’s credit card. Nat will think it was him when I send her the proof, it will look like he was blaming you to get suspicion off of himself.” Bucky explained quickly, wadding the towel up and throwing it across the room.

 “You did that? Why?” You asked softly as he stepped closer to you.

 “I wanted you to win.” He explained.

 “Win?”

 “Your little prank war. I found the point board in the vents. When you asked Steve for help I stole Sams credit card so he would get the blame and you’d get all the points.” He said softly, brushing his fingers down your arm.

 Goosebumps erupted across your skin under his touch and you shivered.

 “Well I definitely feel like a winner right now.” You whispered.

 “Yeah doll, wanna celebrate with me?” He asked, leaning in.

 You blindly pressed send on the phone in your hand and dropped it on the bed.

 You had just won by a landslide 82 points thanks to Bucky’s help, and when you tangled your fingers in his shirt and pulled him closer, you made sure he knew just how grateful you were.

[spell-cleaver]

Prompt 4 with kid Luke and Hondo with a dash of Vader towards the end

This got longer than I expected and I think it’s still too short to do the narrative justice, but I hope you like it anyway :)

Han had been sitting listening to this Weequay's tall tales for an hour now, waiting for Chewie. He was getting bored.

"—and then, when I was much younger and sprightlier—but still very skilled and experienced, you understand, very good at my job—I encountered this young girl, Togruta—"

"I ain't interested in your exploits," Han cut in, because the rest of this had been awful but that was crossing a line.

"Oh, no, nothing like that, my friend! Not my type at all. Besides, if anything had happened, she would have shoved a lightsaber right through my head, and that would ruin this pretty face now, wouldn't it?"

Han rolled his eyes—then froze. Lightsaber...

"I've, uh," he said, rising from his seat in the booth despite the fact that the bar was still sans Chewie, "gotta go now."

"Oh no, stay, my friend! I have one more story for you before I have to go on to more adventures! It is about," he paused for dramatic effect and Han, despite himself sat back down and leaned in, "Lord Vader and a little boy."

Han was intrigued. He would later regret being intrigued.

.

Luke clutched Old Ben's hand tightly and tried not to cry.

He didn't succeed.

He cried—hard, big fat droplets rolling down his cheeks to splatter onto the floor of this cantina Ben had brought him into. Ben had dragged him to Mos Eisley, away from the burnt out homestead and his aunt and uncle's— their b—

He was here, and Ben hadn't wanted to take him in there despite the fact that Luke was a big boy now, he could handle anything.

But, even he had to admit, the atmosphere in this place was... scary. There were tall men everywhere, it smelled funny, and something felt... off, like he knew when a sandstorm was coming or that a vaporator was beyond fixing. He wanted to go outside, no matter what Ben had said about not wanting to risk that someone took him.

(Luke knew what that meant, even as young as he was. Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru's terror had never been hidden from him, and he knew about his grandmother.)

But finally Ben stopped talking to that human who at the... bar? He turned around, took Luke's hand and firmly marched them to the booth where that man had gestured, giving Luke a weak smile as he did. He looked distracted.

He'd made Luke sit with his back to the rest of the cantina, which Luke resented—scary or not, there were more species in here than he'd seen in his entire life!—but it meant that he got to watch Ben closely. He'd never spoken to him much, Uncle Owen'd hated him, but he'd been the one who'd shown up when he was hiding in the little secret trapdoor in the garage and he said he'd known Luke's father...

He was watching him closely. He saw the moment his face fell, his eyes bulged, and his lips moved silently.

Curious, Luke twisted round to see who had upset him, and saw a big tall alien—a Weequay? He'd only ever seen one picture of them, he wasn't sure—sashaying towards them, arms spread wide and braids swinging. Luke found himself grinning just at the sight of him; he looked like fun.

"Kenobi!" he called out, and he was delighted to see Ben, Luke could tell. Luke grinned wider—he must be a friend. "You are alive! I knew it, I knew it—you know, I tell people about my Jedi friend and they oh no, he's dead! You'll never see him again! But I knew it, no droid or clone or Imperial would ever take down the great Obi-Wan—"

"Shhh," Ben hissed, paler than Luke's clothes. "Yes, I'm alive. If you keep running your mouth like that, I won't be for much longer!"

The Weequay laughed a lot, though Luke was pretty sure Ben wasn't joking.

"That's my good friend Obi-Wan, always so modest," he said. "And no worries, before you ask—I will not sell you out to any of those nasty Imperials on this sleepy outpost. We are friends, are we not? And it's not wise to upset a Jedi," he shook his head sadly, "it's not good business."

Then he perked up again. "Now! It's been lovely seeing you, but I have a fine gentleman somewhere over here looking for passage to Alderaan!" His eyes scanned the surrounding booths. "Who do you think it is, that distinguished-looking man over there?"

Luke frowned. Glanced at Ben. He was staring at the Weequay and had somehow paled even further.

"Ben?" Luke prompted, finding his voice for the first time. The Weequay's gaze snapped to him and Luke felt his massive curiosity. "Didn't you say— are—" He swallowed at Ben's warning gaze but considered doggedly, "aren't we going to Alderaan?"

The Weequay froze, staring at Ben with his eyes comically large.

"Why, Kenobi," he said, "don't tell me you're the person looking to visit the planet of beauty?"

Obi-Wan said something. Luke was pretty sure it was a swear word.

.

The Weequay's name was Hondo, and he was awesome.

He let Luke play in the turrets—"Just shoot at a random point in space won't you, my boy, it'll all come in useful one day, eh?"—despite Ben's objections; he let him help with the jump to hyperspace—"I'll show you which buttons to press and you press them!—despite Ben's objections; and, most importantly of all, he told Luke stories about his father.

Also despite Ben's objections, but they were half-hearted at most. From the moment Luke's father had been brought up, he'd known he'd lost that battle.

"Your father? Oh, I knew him, little one, we were almost as close as me and Kenobi here were! Excellent pilot, excellent—"

"I thought he was a navigator on a spice freighter," Luke pointed out. Hondo was clearly in that sort of business himself; shouldn't he know the difference? Uncle Owen had made it painstakingly clear.

Ben winced. Hondo was surprised.

"At least, that's what Uncle Owen told me... But," he crowed, "if he was a pilot as well, then that's even cooler!"

He did not hear the small whimper of despair Obi-Wan gave when he called working on a spice freighter cool.

Hondo's eyes were wide. "Oh. Oh my. You didn't know? He didn't know?" He addressed the last part to Ben, who shook his head grimly—and a little pointedly. "Oh dear. My sincerest apologies."

"What don't I know?" Luke added dubiously, "That he was a pilot...?"

Ben sighed.

"Luke," he said gently, "come into the back room. We need to talk."

.

"My father was a Jedi?" he asked Hondo the moment he came back out. Hondo grinned and patted him on the head.

"Yes he was! One of the greatest Jedi ever to live, in my humble opinion. Second only to our beloved Kenobi, of course."

In the background, Ben sighed. "Don't fill his head with ridiculous ideas, Hondo."

"I would never dream of it, my friend! Are you going to train him to be a Jedi too?" He poked Luke's arm lightly.

Luke looked up at Ben and did his best innocent, hardworking and humble expression.

"...yes," Ben ground out, though he managed to make himself smile at Luke. "I will. If he wants—"

"I do!"

"Then yes," he smiled wider and patted him on the shoulder, "I will."

There was a beeping from the cockpit and Hondo jumped into action. "Looks like we are coming up on our destination, my friends!"

"Good," Ben breathed a sigh of relief and ushered Luke into the cockpit behind Hondo. "Once we reach Alderaan, I will get you your payment, Hondo, and then, Luke, there's someone I'd like you to meet—"

The streaks turned to stars but no planet loomed before them.

Ben froze.

"This isn't Alderaan," Luke observed mildly, but no one was listening to him.

Ben was shouting. "Hondo—"

"Now, now, you understand, Kenobi," Hondo said, turned around quickly, snapped his blaster up from his side and stunned him. "You were offering a wonderful sum, but someone else is offering more for your head and, well," he shrugged, "It's just good business."

Luke stared at him, wide-eyed and suddenly terrified.

He glanced at the scopes—Hondo had shown him how to use them. There was a massive, wedge-shaped ship to their left, just to the side of the viewports.

Hondo winked at him and put away the blaster. "Don't you worry, little one, no one is going to hurt you! It's only Kenobi that Lord Vader wants, I doubt he'll care about a little squirt like yourself, no matter how wonderful your father was!"

He was lying.

Luke's fear ramped up a notch. He felt... cold...

A little light on the console began chiming. Hondo flicked a switch and a holo appeared of a scary-looking figure—droid?—with a mask.

The voice thundered. "Ohnaka. You have Kenobi?"

"Of course, my lord. Hondo always delivers, doesn't he?" He wagged his finger in an odd way; Luke could tell that this Vader was not amused.

"Apparently so. But—" Vader stiffened. Luke, against his will, squeezed his eyes shut when that cold doubled, and it seemed to double around him. "You are carrying someone else on your ship."

"Oh, no one, just a little boy Kenobi picked up in his wanderings, a stray. Nothing to worry about, Lord Vader. Now, about my payment—"

"I will be the judge of what I worry about, Ohnaka. Bring him to the holo."

"My lord—"

"Bring him."

Hondo swallowed, the only sign of fear he'd shown, and it made Luke even more scared. He tried to duck when the pirate reached for him, but a hand clamped down on his shoulder and he was dragged in front of the holoreceiver.

He looked up and automatically met that dark lord's eye... plates? "Hi."

Vader tilted his head. It was a pretty big head, so the tilting was obvious.

"What is your name, young one?" he asked, curiously softly.

Luke had no idea what was going on, but his aunt and uncle had not raised a liar.

"Luke Skywalker," he said.

That... cold... constricted, making it hard to breathe for a moment, Then it was inside him, his head, poking and prodding where it shouldn't, where it was rude, and Luke gave the mental equivalent of a shove and a tongue stuck out at it.

To his surprise, it retreated. A whisper of amusement and surprise lingered.

On the holo, Vader had not moved his helmet to gaze at anything other than Luke.

"We have you on our scopes, Ohnaka," he said. The ship shuddered. "We have a lock on you and will tractor you in to a hangar bay. Then you can bring me Kenobi, and..." He hesitated, his stare seeming to triple in its intensity.

"And bring me the boy."

.

"And that, my good friend," Hondo finished, "is how ten years ago, I accidentally gave Vader his son, without even realising it!"

Han stared.

And stared some more.

Then he shook his head, more out of pity than disgust, and said, "I'm too sober for this nonsense."

He left, ignoring Hondo's squawked protests behind him and met Chewie outside.

Chewie roared a question; Han gave a short, obligatory laugh.

"Ah, nothing. I think he's gone crazy. Talking about this kid, who was supposedly Vader's son... it's a lotta nonsense."

Chewie groaned his understanding, then gave Han the best news he'd heard all day: they had a client.

"Oh really?" Han asked as they approached the docking bay the Falcon was in, seeing a slim figure already waiting for them inside. "Who is it?"

Chewie inclined his head; Han turned to look. The figure was a boy—adult on a technicality, he supposed—with two droids trailing him: a gold, annoying-looking one and a blue astromech. The boy smiled when he saw Chewie and Han, but he looked... tense.

"Hi!" he said. "My name's Luke Skywalker."

Han did a double take at the name—but no. Hondo's story was too ridiculous, too far-fetched. He wasn't even going to think it.

The boy, though—Lord Vader's son, if that tall tale was to be believed—sharpened his smile a little, eyes flashing a little gold in the light.

Vader, he remembered belatedly, was supposedly able to read minds.

Skywalker rested a hand on the astromech's dome; it curled slightly, nails digging into the finish, with either tension or anticipation.

"I don't suppose I can purchase passage to Alderaan for myself and two droids?"

Prompts from this post, but I’m closed to prompts for now.

[ships-inside-your-head]

affection

Toshinori was not necessarily someone who showed affection for a particular person in public.

It was not that he did not want it, oh, he wanted it so much, but he just could not. For too long he had drilled himself into thinking that any weakness of All Might, any beloved person, would be exploited if he showed it.

The years passed and ... he was fine with it. There was no one he wanted to overflow with affection he met in public. He could arrange meetings with the pro-heroes, and with his best friend, Naomasa-kun, he was always able to meet as he was a policeman, it did not attract attention and he regularly visited Melissa and Dave, but it was just private.

The stranger it was that every time he had the urge to mess up Izuku’s hair or hug him when he saw him - no matter where it was. He tried to suppress it as much as possible, but sometimes ... he could not resist. At some point he found that his boy needed that affection, and who was he if he refused something so necessary? So the boy got every necessary positive physical contact he could get, even if it was always only Toshinori and never All-Might.

 Then Kamino Ward happened and everything changed.

Suddenly he was able to bring such affection to all his students, even though he had to make the special hugs for Izuku significantly more private. Then Inko managed to secure a place in his heart just as her son had already done.

He ... he did not really know what he should do now. He was now only a teacher, he could never be a hero again, which had given his morale a pretty damper. But then there were the children who continued to love him and his successor and Inko-, god, Inko. She was wonderful. She listened, she shared her concerns with him, and he did as well, it was like a balm to his soul and his heart started to flutter every time he saw her at their weekly private gatherings at her home.

And now all the parents of Hero Class students would come to a meeting, including Inko, and he did not know what to make of it. Oh, he liked her, definitely, but he did not want rumors to come up that he favored someone (Izuku) just because he wanted to date his mother. That was not good. He was also unsure if he should share these concerns with one of his teachers, but who would understand it and be sensitive enough to be quiet?

He bit his knuckles lightly, which did not go unnoticed by the other teachers in the staff room. "Yagi-kun, what's up?" Midnight piped, sitting down on the couch next to him. Her face supported her on her hands as she stared at him. "A-ah, Kayama-kun, that's nothing to do with school, it's a bit private, so-"

She sat up and looked much more interested than before. "Ohh, privately? What's your dirty secrets, tell me ~ "she purred and leaned closer to him and he blushed. "I do not know if-"

"Nemuri, leave him alone," came the raspy voice of Aizawa, and the person in question began to sulk. "You are no fun at all, Shouta!" She wailed, and she was about to turn away when Toshinori put a hand on her shoulder and held her. "Can we talk privately?" The blond asked her gravely,she was blinking in surprise for a moment before her face softened. "Of course, Yagi-kun! See you later, people! "She shouted cheerfully, hooking his arm and gently pulling him (bless her) to her little office. After making sure he was comfortable, she started making tea.

"Yagi-" she began, but he shook his head. "Just Toshinori, what I'm telling you now is ..." he left it unsaid, but she understood enough. "Of course, what's the problem?" She asked, softer than before in the staff room and his shoulders sagged.

"It's ... it's about a woman and-" he raised his hand to keep her from talking in joy, the way she beamed at him. "She's really, really wonderful, and I know that too, and I know that I ... have feelings for her, but the problem is ..." he took a deep breath, even though he did not want to keep her on the torture , "She's the mother of one of our students," he brought out, watching her light come on. "Oh. Is it Midoriya's mom? "She asked bluntly, and in surprise he began to cough, fortunately not strong enough for blood to come, but it still hurt.

"Hey, great, we all know that Midoriya has a special place with you, and you know I'm always up for some little scandals, so I spun a little tale, but now it's true ..." she winked wide grinning. "But that's the problem! I do not want other people to think that I prefer Izuku only because I wantto date Inko!", He remembered. "Or worse, that they think she's a third-rate housewife shamelessly throwing herself at All Might-me ..." he shuddered. "I dont want that. And now the parent meeting is here next week and I do not know what to do. I do not want to ignore her, but I can not treat her too intimately. "His whole frame collapsed.

"Toshinori ..." she murmured and he looked up at her. "It's okay if you want to date her, it's not forbidden to us, as long as you treat all the students equally, what you do in your spare time is still your business." Her hand moved to his arm and she gave him a smile. "Do not worry, I'll help you get your Inko," her eyes glittered and only faintly could he return the smile.

▬

It was time. Almost all of the students' parents would gather today, and although he has met most of them before, when he asked with Aizawa for permission’s for the students to be in the dormitories of U.A. he was nervous. Inko would come and that was the first time he met her outside the shelter of her home and she knew who he was. Disquiet spread in him.

An arm wrapped around his stomach and he looked down at Midnight, who conguised him conspiratorially. "Have you seen her yet, big guy?" She asked in a slightly lewd tone and he shook his head. "Not yet, but she should be here soon ..." he murmured softly and she nodded in understanding. "What does your dream girl look like? Tell me," he started to cough in surprise and unfortunately could not completely prevent blood from passing his lips. Guilt scurried across her face before she offered him a handkerchief, which he gratefully accepted.

"She looks like Izuku, only smaller and softer, you'll recognize her instantly when you see her," he said to her, and as soon as he said those words, a small, green-haired figure appeared at the door. Her eyes searched the room until she found him and a bright smile appeared on her face.

"Yeah, Midoriya is definitely coming after her, I can understand what you think of her - she's really gorgeous," then she tore herself away and grinned. "But I'll borrow her shortly, you're needed at Shouta!" With that in mind, she hurried toward the single mother, began a conversation instantly, and led her elsewhere. Toshinori was too stunned to react, then sighed and turned to the class leader of the 2-A to help.

▬

He was in a conversation with the Yaoyorozus when Midnight and Inko reappeared in his field of vision. Inko looked a bit uncertain, if confident, while his colleague nodded encouragingly and he became slightly suspicious. What had the two discussed with each other that Nemuri looked like this? On the one hand, he did not want to know, on the other hand, he burned with curiosity. The blonde ended the conversation as quickly and unobtrusively as possible. Momo's parents were barely gone when Inko approached him with a determined face.

"Inko, how nice to get you over here," she did not get any further because she raised her arm, then somehow he was pulled down his shirt collar until he was so close to her face and her lips-!

The rational part of his brain suspended.

It was ... he could not describe it. It felt like the moment he had learned that he was the # 1 hero: pure joy, rapid heartbeat, unbelief.

Somewhere in a small area of ​​his consciousness, he realized that it was suspiciously quiet around her. He just enjoyed kissing this absolutely amazing woman.

Until- "Wuhu, Inko, well done!" A loud, feminine voice called enthusiastically, and he opened his eyes, startled, and stabilized on Inko's shoulders as he looked around. Without exception, all parents and teachers stared at him with a mixture of amusement, shock and speechlessness.

He opened his mouth to say something, but he was not sure if he wanted to defend himself or Inko or whatever, but there were just no words to say. "U-uh ...!", He felt the heat rising in his head and buried his face in his hands and never had he been happier that they were as big as they are now.

A hand patted his arm. "It's okay, Toshi, we'll fix it all up later," Inko muttered softly, while he was suppressing an embarrassing sound.

"I told you, I'll help you get her!" A well-known voice purred beside him and he made a soft chuckle. That's right, she had said that.

[celestica-1988]

I’ll Be There

TheDirt!NikkiSixxxFemaleReader

It was a cold morning in New York, but you didn’t feel it.

Wrapped in your blankets you were stretching your arms, thanking God for the lucky job you had. You were one of the roadies of the Mötley Crüe and you were happy to sleep in the same hotel of them, the room was really comfortable.

After weeks spent sleeping in bunks everything was better than it, cause they were so small that sometimes you felt like you were in a lack of air to breathe.

The band was awesome but problematic.

Mick was always bitter and drunk because he had chronical back pain, Vince was the one sober and he seemed sad and then there were the Terror Twins.

Tommy was loud, a goofball of energy and then there was Nikki and your heart skipped a beat. Before starting the job you swore to yourself you wouldn’t fall in love with a band member. That was before you saw Nikki’s green eyes. They were so full of pain and confusion, rarely happy, rarely sober.

You knew he was in heroin, but you couldn’t image how much.

And so, as clique as it sounded you felt for the bassist and it wasn’t a good idea at all, you spent many nights crying in silence over it. It sucked watching the person you loved destroying himself with his own hands, sadder if you considered than none of his band mates were doing something about it because they were too busy with their own problems.

You would like to help him, but you didn’t know how, after all you were just a roadie, not a friend, just a random person.

It was discouraging for you, you owned so much to that band.

If it wasn’t for that job you would probably be homeless, so you felt like you wanted to help as much as possible.

Sighing you got up and had a shower, the situation wasn’t going to change no matter how much you thought about it. Probably the right chance would come when you stopped obsessing about it.

After a good shower you realized it was late in the morning and the breakfast time was over in the hotel, you hoped you could at least had a coffee at the bar. You couldn’t start your day without coffee and the band often teased you and made fun of you for this, but you didn’t care. Your morning coffee was more important of any stupid comment.

You went down in the hall, you asked for a coffee to the bar and you got it, you were sipping it when you saw Doc walked through the hall with a woman in high boots. They chatted for a while, then Nikki emerged from an elevator and he froze when he saw them. The woman hugged him crying, after a while he hugged her too. You had no idea what was happening but you sensed Nikki’s awkwardness from there. Whoever was that woman to him, she was someone he was not exactly happy to see.

Suddenly he released the woman from his arms and he started to scream and kick random things. Doc talked to him, but Nikki snapped at him and went away.

You paid the coffee and ran after Nikki, who left the hotel.

Sometimes Doc asked you to take care of him, but this time you were following him on your own free will, worried about what happened. The bassist was upset, something must had happened between him and the woman and whatever it was it hurt him.

You made your best to stay behind him, but people came in your way, you cursed New York and how crowded it was.

You knew Nikki enough to know that he would look for two things in that state: drugs or alcohol.

If you were lucky you would find him in some bar, in the worst scenario he would find some pusher and had some heroin and you dreaded this.

You didn’t want to see him laying on a sidewalks with a syringe in the arm, you didn’t know if you can stand that view. You were brave, but there were limits at what your brain could process.

You kept following him, even though he was more and more far away from you, praying to find him drunk instead of drugged.

In the end he disappeared into the crowd, you stopped for like five seconds then you were pushed by the people who were in a hurry for something.

You looked around, you saw the Christmas trees and the lights, most of this bunch of people were looking for presents. You lost the only one person that matters to you thanks to them.

You clenched your fists and released a frustrated noise.

How could you find him again?

……………………………………………….

One hour later you found him in a bar not too far away from the hotel.

He was drinking Jack Daniels and he seemed already drunk, you were relieved that at least he didn’t shoot heroin in his veins.

You sat at his table, he lifted the head from the glass.

“Hey, Y/N. Did Doc send you to look for me?” He slurred.

“No, I came here because I was worried for you. Doc didn’t know anything.”

“Better for him, he’s out. He’s another bastard who just wants to exploit my music.” “Why do you say that?

What happened?” “I don’t really wanna talk about my private shit in a crowded bar where it could be hidden a fucking journalist.”

“Fine, let’s go back to the hotel.” “In my room there would be that bitch still.”

“Then come in mine. No bitches, no journalists.

It’s not first class like yours, but…”

“Why?”

“Why what?” “Why are you doing that, Y/N?”

“Because I care about you, I’m worried about you and I wanna help if it’s possible.” He gave you a suspicious look.

“I don’t wanna exploit your music, how could I even do that?

I don’t play any instrument and I’m just a roadie. I’m nothing for the Elektra Records.”

“Ok, let’s go.

I was tired to stay there anyway.”

He got up and stumbled, he was unsure on his legs so you passed an arm around his waist, for the firsts five seconds he seemed about to take it away, then he just gave up.

“Fuck.”

He said under breath.

“I’m sorry, but you don’t seem able to walk alone.”

“Yea.” He paid the alcohol and then you left the bar.

Outside it was darker than you thought, a lot of people starred at you and Nikki gave a middle finger to everyone.

“Stop it or some goddamned journalist will come.”

“I’m not a monkey in a zoo.” “For those people you are just a drunk person, there’s no reasons to react like this.

It will just draw attention on us.”

“You are smart, how come you are babysitting us?” “Money. I haven’t got enough of them for any college and to be honest I like this work.”

He laughed.

“I can’t believe there’s someone who likes babysitting four grown ass men.”

You would like to tell him that being a roadie was more than take care of the band, that every concert who was successful was a personal satisfaction because behind it there were also your work.

You had the feeling that Nikki wouldn’t understand and just plainly accused you to exploit his talent. Why was he so complicated?

It wasn’t simple deal with Tommy, Mick and Vince, but with Nikki it was like playing Russian roulette every time you talked to him. Drugs just made it worst his natural tendency to mood swings.

Slowly you reached the hotel, Doc shot at you a grateful glare and kept drinking, he was a tired man now.

You were tired too, but you have to be strong for Nikki now, even though it wasn’t your job.

You took the elevator and you started to rummage in your pockets to find the key, after a few tries you fund them.

The elevator’s door opened and you and Nikki staggered till your room.

You entered it and he left himself drop on the bed.

“Man, I’m fucking tired.” You sat on a chair and looked at him.

“What happened, Nikki? Why do you start to kick everything?”

“It was her fault, she should haven’t be here.”

“Who? The woman in the hall?

Who is her?” Nikki looked at you with piercing eyes.

“She’s Deana, my mother.” You widened your eyes in shock, Nikki never talked about his parents so you thought he was orphan.

“Your mother? I thought you were an orphan.”

He laughed bitterly.

“I wish I was. My parents are still alive. My father left my mother when I was two years old, I didn’t even remember his face. Since then, I guess, my mother brought home abusive men who last just two weeks and fucked her and beat me.”

“I’m sorry, Nikki.” He didn’t even listen to you.

“When I was thirteen I made her arrested by the cops, I cut myself with a knife and told them she was her fault, that she hurt me. I also told her to never call me again and she did it for a while.

I lived the rest of my teenager age in a foster home, once I was eighteen I left and called my father. I was looking for a ghost and the ghost said he didn’t wanna have nothing to do with me.

I changed my name into Nikki Sixx and so I thought I was free from my past, but…” Tears started to fall from his eyes.  

He was in pain, all his demons were dancing in that room, you could hear them laugh at Nikki.

You wanted them to go away, you wanted to make him feel better.

“When the band became famous she found out that Nikki Sixx was his son.

Since then Deana call me every once in a while, I could handle it. But things got worse when “Home Sweet Home” came out. She called me everyday.

Every fucking day.

I had no idea why, but now I know.

The first things she asked me after so many years was if “Home Sweet Home” was about her.

She never cared about me, she cares only about herself.

That’s my mother, Deana! Every time she called I shoot heroin in my veins so I don’t think about her.

And now I met her, I saw her in the eyes because that idiot thought it could help me.

Fucking idiot.”

You knew Doc’s intentions weren’t bad, but he didn’t know the whole story.

You were horrified that someone so selfish and toxic grew up Nikki. It was no surprises he didn’t want to see her.

Seeing the boy you loved crying silently with the hands on his face, while little hiccups shook him, broke your heart. What could you do?

Slowly you went on your knees in front of him and hugged him, hoping that your body could say what your words couldn’t.

Nikki stay frozen for a while, then hugged you back. A tight hug, the same of a man who was drowning and found something that keep him above water.

“Nikki…”

You said softly, caressing gently his hair.

“I can’t delete your past and I can’t change the fact that Deana was an asshole to you, but when she calls you I will be there for you if you want to.

Come talk to me, every time you want to, I will listen.

I care about you, I don’t want you to shoot heroin in your veins if it can be avoided. I don’t want to see you kill yourself slowly…” Your voice cracked.

“I don’t wanna find you dead or read that someone did. I really care about you.

So please come to me, instead of heroin.” Now you were crying too.

You poured your heart in those words, you hoped that reached Nikki’s heart because you really didn’t want to see him consume himself. You loved him, but at this point it didn’t even matter, it was okay being just his friend.

He looked you in the eyes. This time his eyes were vulnerable and a bit scared, you didn’t break the contact.

“Do you care so much about me that is okay for you that a fucked up guy could’ve call you at every hours of the day or night?”

“Yes.”

He smiled weakly and then kissed you.

It was a gentle and soft kiss, still it sent shivers on your spine.

“Nikki?” You said confused, he brushed your lips.

“I like you, I wanna try to trust you.”

You hugged him.

“I’m so happy you did.” “But I’m really tired now, can I sleep here next to you?

You nodded and he started to undress. You did the same, but at the moment to lay on the bed you hesitated.

“Come.” He said with a smile.

“Ok.”

You laid next to him who hugged you from behind.

You were a bit scared because from now you would start a long journey, complicated and full of pain, but the warmth of Nikki’s body calmed you down.

Whatever it would happen you’ll face it with him.

That what the warmth was telling you and you believed it.

You believed in your heart and that made you feel brave.

None of you wasn’t alone anymore.

You felt asleep smiling.

Maybe you were a fool, but it was worth a try.

Love was never wasted.

[laws-yellow-submarine]

Did you know. That I would like to hear. Everything I can about your OCs/Quasi-Self Inserts? Because Cringe Culture is dead and I love them.

First of all: THANK YOU for asking about them lol I saw the ask and I got so so excited cause I literally never stop thinking about them lol that being said, I apologize for the novel I just wrote about them lmfao I put it all under the cut (hopefully it works on mobile!), so hopefully I don’t bog down everyone’s feed.

So I don’t wanna reveal too much about Skylar (full name Valentine Skylar), cause I really do plan on actually writing the fic I planned for her (I’m just really good at procrastinating lmao), but like I said in an earlier post: she’s my bisexual disaster brain child running away from her homophobic parents and the threat of conversion therapy by impulsively deciding to sneak onto Law’s submarine when he visits her home island. I’m basing the conversion therapy stuff off of something similar in the Bloodlines series by Richelle Mead (one of my all time FAVORITES! If you like vampires, action, and romance I can’t recommend it enough! Though you should start with the first series, Vampire Academy as it introduces the world and the cast of characters and the events of that series lead directly into the Bloodlines series. I took some inspiration from Vampire Academy too for some other events in the fic as well).

Skylar is...a lot like me in personality lol she’s 5’5”, goofy, loves to laugh and sing and just generally have fun, and she’s very clumsy. She’s also got major anxiety, but it’s not something she actually has a diagnosis for (so she doesn’t know there’s a problem and can’t handle it when it flares up, she’s unprepared to deal with it). She does like to read, mostly fiction, and she likes to look at the stars, and gaze out the windows of the sub when they’re submerged. She’s very musically gifted. Part of her deal with Law for essentially free room and board is that she cooks (they don’t have a designated cook otherwise, and this way they never have to let Law back in the kitchen again), and while she’s cooking she’ll be singing so loud it carries through the pipes on the sub (almost like they have radio lmfao). She’s also impulsive; her decision to sneak onto Law’s sub was totally spur of the moment, she knew the risks, she knew exactly who’s ship she was sneaking onto (thanks to wanted posters), and that it was dangerous, but she still packed up as much of her stuff as she could, stole a TON of her parents’ money, and snuck on anyway. Law wonders a lot whether she’s just an idiot or possibly someone trying to spy on him (either for the Marines, or more sinisterly for Doflamingo. He knows the likelihood for either of these things is extremely slim, but he keeps her close so he can keep an eye on her. He can’t afford to make a mistake with that). It takes a LONG time for them to move past the “I don’t trust you” stage, and even then she’s much more invested than he is for a really long time, mostly because he’s an emotionally constipated BUTT who doesn’t like to acknowledge that he FEELS THINGS lmao

Most of her life she’s been fighting against someone else’s control; mostly her parents (she’s 21 at the start of the story but hasn’t been able to feel like a true adult until she leaves, they’ve had such a hold over her AND they’re powerful people where she lives so she HAS to leave the island completely to be free). She also experienced some of this with her girlfriend, Mimi, though not to nearly the same extreme. Mimi had big dreams of getting off their island and becoming a world famous musician, along with Skylar. Skylar just wants to travel the world, but Mimi’s loud personality manipulated her into adopting the dream of being a musician. It wasn’t malicious in any way, but usually when Mimi would say “We’re doing this” or “We don’t like that”, Skylar usually agreed. She wouldn’t speak out against it, in part due to finally feeling loved (ahh parent issues lol). About a year before the start of the story, Mimi joins the Marines as a way to start earning some money, as well as getting her foot out the door in a way (it gets her off the island, so all that’s needed is to earn enough to get settled somewhere, go back for Skylar, and then they can begin their life together). Unfortunately, her patrol ship was destroyed by a pirate crew a few months later, and she’s now MIA and presumed dead. 

Being with Law and his crew is really the first time she’s been able to try deciding things for herself, and then follow through. He’s not gonna try to push her in any direction, that’s not his business, and so there comes an extra sense of freedom with them that she’s never had before. 

Law also keeps her around because he finds out she has a roundabout connection to Doflamingo, and he thinks he can find a way to exploit that connection for information. Her parents have a very on-the-level business selling pharmaceuticals, which is what keeps them in good standing with the Marines when they come to the island (there’s no actual base set up, but there’s another close by). They ALSO have a black market business smuggling hallucinogens throughout the Grand Line, beginning to venture into the other seas as well, starting with North Blue. There’s a fruit that grows on the island called the Follia Fruit (literally Insanity in Italian) which causes strong hallucinations when eaten. They were able to get a good foot in the black market using Doflamingo’s connections, and they know HIM because they were actually formerly part of his crew (they left the crew before Law joined, so he doesn’t know them, and they left because Skylar’s grandmother was dying and leaving the entire fortune and family-run business to them, otherwise they would’ve stayed with Doffy. Skylar’s more of an object for them to use.) Skylar vaguely knows her parents have an underworld contact, she’s seen his Jolly Roger in her father’s office, near his wall safe, but she doesn’t know who he actually is. At most she’s heard mention of a “Joker” and that’s it, so Law can easily fish for information without giving up that he’s honestly using her too (he doesn’t have any reason to just be nice to her, especially since she snuck onboard before he ever met her, and that’s part of the journey; balancing his goal with the fact he’s developing feelings for the person he’s using to help achieve that goal). It’s a slooooooooow burn btw lol takes a long time for things to truly get going between them, but when it does it kinda picks up quick. It’s gonna be fun lol

Speaking of the Follia Fruit, that’s how Skylar got her devil fruit. I do NOT have a name for it yet, because I can’t find one I like that still overall fits? But essentially she can manipulate light particles (photons? Idk science stuff, whatever light is actually made of). She can use it to create a camouflage cover (it’s main use, she’s a sneaky person despite also being clumsy as hell lmfao), and that works like she’s placing a cloak over herself (like an invisibility cloak!), and she also eventually learns to create force fields of hardened light, like the light bridges in Portal 2 (it takes a lot of energy though, so it’s not nearly as easy, but it does come in handy). Whether these are all actually scientifically sound remains irrelevant, in my universe it works muahahaha (there is precedent for these powers at least, I just don’t know how it all actually works. Science is NOT my forte). She was actually trying to eat the Follia Fruit when she ate the devil fruit instead, as when consumed in a large enough dose it can be fatal (so yeah, WARNING there: her girlfriend is dead, she’s being tortured, she manages to escape at one point and decides she absolutely is NOT going back). Fortunately, she didn’t check what fruit she was eating before chowing down, and she not only lived but she gained super powers lol. She also at one point asks Law to help teach her how to fight and defend herself, which is super fun cause she’s NOT in shape lol but she does eventually learn at least basic hand to hand and how to use a blade (typically a knife or a dagger, she’s small).

Skylar also works very hard to develop her Observation Haki. I’ve always wondered if it was possible to manipulate your haki so you could be indetectable by other users, which would be extremely useful when your abilities include sneaking and camouflage. So Skylar learns how to do it, focusing more on the detection aspects of haki than any of the other uses (predicting movement). It hasn’t been shown in canon, obviously, but I think it’s feasible.

Clearly I’ve thought a lot about all this, now it’s just a matter of writing actual sentences lmao

My other main OC is Monkey D. Hazel. She’s Luffy’s big sister, older by about 4 years (so she’s older than Ace and Sabo by 1 year). She’s a good big sister lol she’s super protective, almost mothering despite not being that much older, and it drives the boys nuts (but they still love her anyway and appreciate her for it and all that. They can take care of themselves, but they know if they ever needed her to step in she would in a heartbeat). She’s not nearly as chaotic as Luffy, but she does follow him into a lot of shenanigans (usually with a shrug and a grin like “yup that’s Luffy”). She’s always wanted to help Luffy achieve his dream, and write down his adventures for future generations to read, so she stayed behind until he was ready to start on his own pirate journey.

She also totally had a thing with Ace (I know it can be kinda iffy, given their shared past and psuedo-sibling status, but I think they work well together, and given that they were 2 teens going through puberty at the same time in the same area, I think it’s extremely likely they could’ve developed feelings for each other that they didn’t necessarily fully understand at the time. I also don’t think she’d be one to participate in the sake drinking scene that the boys use to say “ok we’re brothers now”, and until she was an adult only saw Ace as a close friend that Luffy also saw as a big brother. Being that they were in the same age group, I think it’s less likely she’d see him and Sabo as brothers until they were much older. Sorry if that seems like I’m making excuses, I know not everyone is going to agree with that kind of “ship”, but I literally started shipping them on accident and now I can’t stop cause it makes sense to me that something would have happened between them, even something small). Any relationship they did have ended when Ace left to be a pirate, and with time spent apart and both growing older, Hazel’s views turn more sisterly, like “We grew up together, he’s practically my brother” (though Ace’s may or may not have stayed kind of the same. It makes for interesting conversation when they do meet again in Alabasta). When he dies, she’s absolutely devastated, and does start to wonder “what if?”, like what if she’d pursued a real relationship with him from the beginning, gone with him, could she have kept him safe, etc. It takes a very long time for her to come to terms with it, and to accept that she couldn’t have done anything to stop it, nor was it her place to try. She loses her best friend, and it does take some of the spark out of her, so she’s more reserved after the time skip.

She loses her right leg in a fight with CP9, essentially the bones gets crushed, and her new pal Franky helps whip up a cool robot leg for her in between work on the new ship. It’s got a few bells and whistles: a pistol in the kneecap, a roller blade in the bottom of the foot, and she can detach the metal plates in a way that makes her taller (if she stands on one leg lol). She thinks Franky is SUPER cool (I always hated that the girls in the series never think robots or ninjas or anything are cool, she’s not like that lmfao), and Luffy is jealous of her robot leg.

She sustained some pretty major burns to her right side at Marineford (either by Akainu when he murdered Ace; she stepped in front of Luffy, Ace stepped in front of her, the magma-arm didn’t touch her skin because it was stopped by her coat, but the heat was enough to still cause 3rd-degree burns to her arm, shoulder, and face because it’s fucking LAVA, and destroy half of her clothing; OR some other thing set on fire and burned her lol I dunno enough to say whether that’s feasible with magma but I like that version better, that it was caused in some way by Akainu). It was a question of if she’d ever be able to use her arm again, but Law’s a very good doctor (though she did threaten him when he wouldn’t let her see Luffy right away, saying with him being in critical condition they couldn’t risk an infection. She was not happy). She actually bonds slightly with Law after they escape and she’s in stable condition, cause she breaks down about what happened before he can escape (lol). In her mind she’s just lost another person she cared about (a brother-type figure, and someone she loves very much in her own way), and Luffy could very well be on his deathbed, and she can’t even see him, and the rest of their crew is who knows where, and she may lose use of her arm, and she HURTS, and it’s a lot to take in. Law keeps trying to tell her to calm down or she’ll undo everything he just did to save her, and she accuses him of being insensitive (I mean...yeah), and throws out a comment like “what you never lost anybody? Fuck off”. He glares at her, then sits and sighs, hiding his face beneath his hat. He’s silent for a while, then tells her he’s also lost a sibling. He doesn’t say anything more, doesn’t give details, but it still hits like a slap to the face, and she realizes he’s offering an olive branch by telling her that, and that hey here’s someone who knows exactly how you feel right now, don’t push away the only person who understands. They don’t bring it up again, but she does start to calm down.

The Crew: When she met Zoro she kept scolding Luffy about bossing him around, that it’s not his place to tell someone they’re joining the crew (of course he doesn’t listen), but after Zoro joins they get along really really well (she also mildly flirts with him for fun, he blushes like crazy, but it’s pretty harmless overall. Those three together is pretty chaotic on its own lol). 

She didn’t trust Nami at first, as she came out of nowhere after messing with a different pirate, so she’s wary that the girl has something up her sleeve regarding her brother, but after they defeat Arlong Hazel is extremely protective of her, and the two take care of each other (also again: mild flirting. That time spent with Ace as a teen really helped Hazel’s confidence as a flirt, but after the time skip a lot of that goes away).

Hazel and Usopp tell stories together, usually for the whole crew, and she sees him as another little brother sort of figure. Chopper is baby, she loves Chopper instantly and will beat down anyone that looks at him funny. She doesn’t flirt with Sanji, because she doesn’t like the way he falls over himself around her and doesn’t want to encourage more of it, but once he (finally) takes the hint the two have a very strong friendship. She was very wary of Robin, until Water 7/Enies Lobby, and now sees her as an older sister. Robin, for her part, and even Franky to some degree, wish that Hazel would stop trying to be the crew’s grown up, and would go have fun as a girl in her early 20’s. She does ease up once the two join the crew, but bonds with the adults a lot. She’s someone the younger crew members go to with problems, but Robin and Franky, and eventually Brook and Jinbei, are who Hazel goes to for advice.

After the 5th time of Brook asking to see her panties, she says fuck it and throws a clean pair at him, saying that’s all he gets and if he asks her one more time she WILL throw him overboard. He doesn’t bring it up again.

Jinbei actually shows her the basics of Fishman Karate on their way back to Marineford before the timeskip. She still can’t move too well, so she just watches, but she incorporates what she learns into her fighting style.

She wanted to stay with Luffy when he went to train with Rayliegh, but the old man put a stop to it right away saying she’d not only be too distracted to focus on her own training, but she’d likely coddle Luffy. It was better for them to spend some time apart anyway, for really the first time in their lives, and though she’s nervous about not being with him she agrees. Hancock ends up taking her under her wing for the time being, but only because she’s Luffy’s sister (and therefore not a threat lmfao).

As far as after the time skip, she’s mostly the same but doesn’t immediately jump into Luffy’s shenanigans, and can be more of a voice of reason when needed. At Punk Hazard, she’s the first one of the Straw Hats (besides Luffy) to trust Law and agree that they should form an alliance. She furiously hates Caesar, like she isn’t even able to be near him or his heart cause she might stab him and ruin the whole plan (you don’t mess with kids man Hazel WILL fuck you up). At Dressrosa she joins in the fight to help the Tontattas, and follows Usopp and Robin to the port under the coliseum. When she sees Sabo, she IMMEDIATELY bursts into tears and latches onto his shoulders so tight it would take a crowbar to separate them (not that he tries, he’s happy to see her too). She also scolds Robin later for not telling her, but the older woman just laughs and says “but isn’t this so much better?” It is, but Hazel won’t admit it yet lol

She doesn’t go with Luffy to Whole Cake Island, but she does end up meeting up with him and Zoro in Wano, and helps rescue O-Tama.

Potential love interests for Hazel (besides Ace) would be Zoro, Nami, or Law, but honestly she could be shipped with anyone which makes it super fun lol (if anyone read this whole thing and has ideas send them in I’d love to hear them!!)

Anyway thank you for reading this entire long ass essay about my brain children! I think about them a lot, as I’m sure you can tell lol

[bokunoheroacafiction]

Aizawa x Reader - “Fiance, I Guess”

summary: The reader’s ex, Hawks, will be at the Heroes Gala -- the party Aizawa and reader is attending. In an effort to get him off her case, Aizawa poses as the reader’s fiance. (it is assumed that Hawks, Aizawa, & the Reader are the same age. I’m defying canon.)

word count: 1,799

pairing in this story: Aizawa x Fem!Reader, ex-Hawks

warnings: fluff. lots of it.

The Heroes Gala. A night that happens at least once a year where all the top heroes throw their money at a disaster relief cause or something. You have never been one for events like this, but your attendance was desired, as you are now a part of the top 50 heroes in Japan. You also never wanted to be one of the top 50 heroes -- you were never flashy, but you did your job and people noticed. So, you made the effort to put on the nicest dress you owned, and make it to this party.

You walked down the staircase to the ballroom, filled with Japan’s most notable heroes, your dress hugging your figure. Once you made your way through the crowd, you b-lined to the bar. You were not ready to stay here all night, and surely you were not planning to stay sober through the entire thing. You begin to sip on your drink when you see a certain yellow sleeping bag against the counter.

“...Aizawa?” you mutter, squinting at the tuft of black hair left out of the cocoon. You hear a groan, and see the zipper slide down as the man you knew very well peeked out.

“Y/N? Since when did you come to these things?” He said groggily, his voice raspy from being woken up so abruptly.

“Since I became the number 38 hero, Shota.” You sipped your drink again, smiling at your old friend from UA. “Surprised you still know my name, since you haven’t talked to me in months.”

“Y/N,” he sighs, “You know I’ve just been busy with students. I couldn’t ignore you if I wanted to.” His hand reaches out towards the bartender, silently requesting for the same drink as me.

“And why is that?”

“Because you’re my friend.” The word friend hits you in a weird way. Why do you feel a tight knot in your stomach? The two of you have been friends since UA, there’s no way that you--

The sound of wings closing cuts off your train of thought. I forgot he was going to be here, you thought as you turned around to find Hawks, your ex-boyfriend, entering the room.

“Shit shit shit shit shit,” you whisper to yourself. You can see Aizawa shift in his seat, angered at Hawks. Last time the two of you saw each other, Hawks had cheated on you with a civilian -- thus ending your very public relationship of two years. You never liked the public, but Hawks basked in it, knowing that one day he would be in this very position -- Number 2 Hero. It’s been 3 years since then, you have stayed out of the public eye for as long as possible. Well, until now.

Hawks makes eye contact with you, his eyebrows perking up from across the room. Aizawa can see how uncomfortable you were with all this -- he was there for you when Hawks announced publicly what happened, and made sure you were okay in the grieving process of it all. Hawks was your first love, after all -- for a reason that you don’t even remember why -- and it struck you hard when you ended up alone. Aizawa was there for you, so when he grabs your hand, you feel safer than you did seconds ago.

“Follow my lead,” he says in a whisper. His lead? You think to yourself, wondering where this could go, letting him pull you out of your seat and wrap his arm around your waist.

“Y/N!” Hawks says, sauntering over in your direction. You never liked how cocky he was, especially now in this attire. He acted like he was on top of the world, and was the world, and the sun… but you didn’t let that get under your skin as Aizawa’s fingertips pressed into your waist. “You look great, baby! Maybe we can go for one more round before the night is through, you know, spice up some tabloids.”

“Very funny, Keigo.” Aizawa retorts, pulling you closer to him. Out of instinct, you lean into his embrace,putting your hand on his chest. What is he doing?

Hawks looks at the two of you and laughs. “Y/N? With Aizawa? What a hoot! C’mon, babe, this can’t be for real.”

You shoot a look at Aizawa, who seems to have a fun smirk on his face. Confused, you turn back towards Hawks. “Yes. It’s real.” you say confidently.

Aizawa chuckles, looking at Hawks with that scary look that he makes. “Better yet,” he starts, “We’re engaged.”

Hawks’ mouth falls agape, causing him to stutter over his words. You begin to think Aizawa’s plan really had come through -- he was the closest person to you, and Hawks knew that when you were together. The plan was nearly fool-proof until he asked the burning question:

“Oh yeah? Then where’s the ring?”

Aizawa blankly stared at him. He didn’t know how to answer this. In your quick thinking, you rush to say,

“Aizawa and I are not public people. A hero with a ring on is bound to cause speculation. My dear Shota would be very uncomfortable with that information leaving his circle. Right, Shota?”

He looks down at you and smiles, kissing your head in the process. “You’re right, Y/N. We were never the type to use relationships to exploit ourselves.” He gives Hawks his cold, red-eyed stare, striking him to his very core. He pulls you in one more time, causing your chest to be flush with his. “Now I suggest you leave us alone. We have some enjoying ourselves to do.” And with that, the two of you made your way to the opposite side of the room to a table in the back corner not claimed by anyone else.

Once you both sit down, you sigh happily at him. “Who knew you could save my ass and look so hot while doing it, Shota? That was a real covert operation you had going there.”

You turned to look at him, and you could tell his face was flushed with a shade of deep pink. He kept looking at his hands, almost in disbelief.

“Uhhh… Aizawa?”

He perks up, looking back at you. “Yes?” his gravelly voice now quivered ever so slightly.

“Are you okay? You look like you just shook hands with the Queen or something.”

He quickly realizes his face is blushing, and he’s acting like he did at UA again. A shy, quiet boy who was afraid to go up to you first. Your quirk was so cool to him, yet he didn’t have the guts to say it until Mic accidentally screamed it during English class. After that, the three of you were thick as thieves; and even though he knew you very well, there were certain times where he would just clam up in front of you. But what was going on that made him act this way?

“Yeah, I just, um…” he looks around the room, hoping to find solace in PresentMic, who is nowhere near here yet. “Can I be honest with you”

You nod your head, crinkling your brow in intrigue.

“I hate how Hawks treated you.”

“Oh, I--”

“And it wasn’t because he was cocky, or a brat, or any of those things. It was because he went out of his way to hurt you by sleeping with someone else. The fact that he couldn’t see he had a good person in front of him and just blindly hurt her makes me wonder about his morals as a hero.” You sat there, eyeing up the hand that he left resting on the table. After a moment, you place your hand on top of his, prompting him to then turn his around and grab yours.

“And I sat with you, day after day, hoping that one day you would realize that he was never enough for you. We basically lived together, seeing each other every day for the entirety of the time we weren’t working. Cooking together, cleaning together, petting my cat together. It took awhile for you to be yourself again. But then you finally saw in yourself what I did. And you put your all into being a hero. I was proud.” His lips curled into a half smile, accentuating the scar on his cheek. Your heart was suddenly aching for him, hoping that he would say the words you’ve always wanted him to say.

“I never wanted to push you into anything,” he says, not making eye contact with you. “So I just waited for the perfect moment. That moment never came.”

“The moment to what?” You said, concerned with his sudden emotional outburst.

“The moment to tell you that I…” he sighed, finally lifting his eyes back up to you. “Y/N, I love you. I always have, and I always will.”

He stands up quickly, releasing your hand from his. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner.” He tries to run off, but you grab his arm before he can make a clean getaway.

“Shota,” you start, pulling him closer to you. You put one hand on his face, gently rubbing your thumb against his cheek. You adored him with his hair pulled back like this; you enjoyed seeing the curvature of his jaw, and looking at his whole face. As you looked around his face to find what he was thinking, your eyes landed on his. His eyes were shimmering with disbelief, and a little bit of hope for what was to come.

You finally leaned in towards him, lips almost touching, and spoke in a soft whisper,

“I love you too.”

Before you knew it, he had wrapped one arm around your waist and one hand in your hair, pulling you in tight as his soft lips moved against yours. The kiss was passionate and slow, both of you craving this moment for years and hoping it would last forever. Once you finally pulled apart, breathing heavy, the two of you smiled as he pressed his forehead against yours.

“So,” he said.

“So?” you replied.

“I guess this means that something is happening.” he says with a small smirk.

Just as you thought you were alone, you can hear the thud of a certain loud mouth’s boots against the floor.

“Hawks told me that you two are ENGAGED?” PresentMic near-yells, pulling everyone’s attention in your direction.

Aizawa looks at him with his red-eyes again, forcing PresentMic to be quirkless for a moment. But, he takes a deep breath; and as his hair falls back into place, he looks toward you with a smile.

“I’m officially your fiance, I guess.”

You kissed him again, this time for a short time, as smiled at him. “I’m not against it.”

[all-hail-the-witcher]

Portuguese red candle tradition

alright here it is, fizz’s Christmas present this is based on the hallmark movie “the most wonderful time of the year” which is on YouTube and you should all watch it.

______ ship: ralbert genre: idiots warnings: fake trees and mild scream sesh words: 2077 woooweee editing: nope scope rope ______

Albert Dasilva did not like dogs. Ever since his uncle’s dog had tried to bite off his thumb in the third grade he’d been deathly afraid of them. And yet, here he was, running a dog walking business.

But what he hated even more were cats.

They were just inexplicably evil. How was it that virtually every human being on the planet went all uwu whenever they saw a cat? Albert just didn't trust them. They were definitely in charge of the illuminati. Actually, Albert had made a video on that very topic on his youtube channel last year that had over 1.4 million views. It was his biggest accomplishment to date.

But we’re getting off topic here. What’s really important is that Albert hates cats.

So how was it that he found himself walking three of them?

Yes, you read that right. Walking not one, not two, but three whole cats. Through his dog walking business, which annoyed him to no end because it was clearly a dog walking business, not a cat walking business and plus there was the question of who the hell would pay someone to walk their cats? And it was also blizzarding. But he was a broke 24 year old living out of his van and cash was cash so he put himself through the torture of walking three yowling cats.

Finally, 2 whole hours later - which was an hour longer than it took to walk dogs, curse these stupid cats - he was trudging up to the fancy suburban upper middle class house to deposit the ferocious beasts and then go freeze in his van.

The door opened, revealing the semi attractive cat owner himself - he would have been actually attractive had it not been for the fact that he not only owned three cats but also paid Albert to walk them. Oh, he had a name. It was something strange. Tack? Ruce? No. Oh yes, Race.

“My furry babies!” Race squealed as bend down to embrace his cats. Rather anticlimactically, two of them ran right past Race into the house. The third tripped climbing through the front door, giving Race just enough time to scoop him up and pet him. Sorta like Cruella Da Ville. Exept with a cat.

“Thanks for walking them,” Race said, smiling as he shifted the cat to hand Al an envelope with his pay in it.

“Yeah you're welcome,” Al said, accepting the envelope.

“You got someplace warm to stay?” Race asked somewhat awkwardly.

Albert gestured to his van that was parked at the end of the driveway. “You’re looking at it.”

Race’s eyes widened and he nearly dropped his cat. “You live out of a van?”

Albert rolled his eyes, all but ready to throw a fat, wet snowball into Mr. McPrissy’s face. “I do. It’s easier than a house cause I just kinda come and go as I please.”

“You- you what?” Race stuttered. “I can’t believe in a car you're gonna freeze to death. And then whos gonna walk my cats! No one else is dumb enough to do such a job.”

Albert had had just about enough of this asshole and his dumb cats. “Listen. Not all of us are satisfied by being business executives-”

“Nurses.”

“-okay? I’ve been traveling around the country in that van since the night of my high school graduation doing weird things and meeting all sorts of cool people - except you, you're an asshole - and I’ve spent much colder winters than this in Minnesota in that van. I think I’ll be okay.” And with that he began to stomp down the snowy steps back to his van.

“Why don't you stay here tonight?”

Albert froze in his place and turned dramatically to look over his shoulder. “What?”

“I said, why don't you stay here tonight?” Race repeated. His arms were crossed and the wind was blowing his blonde locks into this hard set blue eyes. He definitely looked pretty, er, meant business.

Still, Albert retaliated. What an idiot.

“Did you not hear me? Winters in Minnesota.”

“I heard you,” Race said firmly. “And I’m not asking you to move in with me. Just spend the night someplace warm. I don't want you to get hypothermia, I can tell you from personal experience that it’s not fun.”

Albert sighed. He really wanted to say no, he really did. He didn't want to be anywhere near that weirdo or his cats anytime soon. But the prospect of an actual bed and a warm house was too inviting. Begrudgingly, he trudged back up the steps, uttering a small “thank you” before stepping inside.

And almost throwing up at the accursed sight before him.

“You have a fake silver christmas tree?”

“Doesn’t everyone?” Race said, pulling the door shut behind him.

“No?” Albert stared at his new host in disbelief. “People actually buy real trees. With needles. And sap. You’re not doing Christmas right.”

“How dare you mosey into my house and tell me I’m not doing Christmas right.” Race scoffed, crossing his arms. One of his cats mewed menacingly behind him. Truly it was nice touch.

“Well you’re not!” Albert exclaimed, throwing his hands up. “Look if I’m going to stay here, you’re going to have a real tree.”

Race looked skeptical.

Albert rolled his eyes, mimicking Race’s annoyed stance. “Think of it as a Christmas present. It is just a few days away.”

Race sighed loudly, looking up at the ceiling. “Fine,” he mumbled.

Despite himself, Albert smiled.

“And where might I get a ‘real Christmas tree,’ O Great And Powerful Christmas Tree Lord?”

“At a tree lot,” Albert said. “D u h.”

“Well I’m not exactly an official Christmas tree connoisseur,” Race said, reaching for his coat. “I assume we’re going now?”

“Of course. I refuse to spend one more minute in this house with that - that thing.” Albert said playfully.

“Oh shut up it’s not that bad. My grandmother used to have a pink one,” Race said, grabbing his keys.

Albert shuddered. “Good thing I won’t be meeting her.”

“She’s dead.”

Albert flung open the front door dramatically. “Even better.”

Race groaned loudly as he pulled the door shut and locked it, causing the giant wreath on the front door to fall to the ground with a small oof.

“Race,” Albert said disappointedly, “the wreath is too big.”

“No,” Race countered, picking it up, “the hook is too small.”

“So he a bigger hook.”

“I don’t have one.”

“So buy a smaller wreath.”

“I like this one.”

“You are so difficult I wish I had just slept in my car!”

“Yeah well you’re not exactly pleasant either, coming in here telling me that I’m doing Christmas ‘wrong’!”

“Who buys a fake silver tree?!”

“I do!!”

“It's not even green!”

“So?”

“So-it’s,” Albert began, but stopped suddenly. There was something about the determination set on Race’s face that made him want to kiss the shit out of him.

Albert you son of a bitch. You could have gotten the hots for anyone and you choose the guy who has three cats and a silver Christmas tree?

“Excuse me, Race, sorry to interrupt.”

Albert pulled himself out of his romantic exploits that may or may not have involved him and Race making out under the fake silver tree to see that another man had joined them on the porch, seemingly out of thin air.

“Hi Romeo,” Race said tightly.

“I just happened to notice that you haven’t put up your Christmas lights yet, and you know we’re goin for the whole street this year. Nothing fancy just white lights - only white.” He gave Race a pointed stare. “You don’t wanna be-”

“-the only dark house on Christmas Eve,” Race finished exasperatedly. “I know.”

“So you’ll get on it?” Romeo asked, seemingly oblivious to Race’s disinterest.

“Yes I’ll get on it, now if you’ll excuse me I really have to go run some errands.”

This time, Romeo seemed to get the hint and he scurried off back to his house next door - ah so he was a neighbor, that made more sense.

Albert turned to Race. “Change of plans,” he announced. “You’re getting the tree by yourself.”

Race eyed him skeptically. “Why?”

“Because I’m going to put up your lights. That neighbor sounded pissed.”

Race rolled his eyes. “You’re a dog walker, you’re hardly qualified.”

“And you’re a business executive.”

“Nurse!!”

“Same difference!” Albert groaned. “And besides, I’ve done all sorts of odd jobs, I was a handyman a few years back in Colorado. I know my way around a ladder.”

“Well,” Race saw that there was no way of getting out of this argument, “if you insist.”

“Oh I do insist. And I got a little something special to keep your neighbor away,” Albert winked mischievously.

“Alright, whatever,” Race waved him off. “Just don’t get me sued. And what kind of tree do I buy?”

“A big one, we need a thick stick!” Albert called over his shoulder as he headed over to the garage. With any bit of luck, this plan should work.

•••

By the time Race got back with the tree, Albert had just finished stringing up the lights so he decided to flex on his host - literally and figuratively - by bringing the tree inside and setting it up. The three cats - whom he had learned were named Steve, Peter, and Tony after Race’s favorite Marvel characters -mewed at it suspiciously before going to do their cat related activities, like take over the world.

They had just began to put the ornaments on, laughing and having a grand time singing along to crappy pop Christmas songs, when the doorbell rang.

Race set down the glass ball he was holding and went to answer the door. “I’ll be right back, do not munch that.”

Albert looked at him quizzically.

“I don’t know man, you just seem like the kind of person who would.” Then he left, leaving Albert to question his mental well-being.

However, all of that was abandoned when he heard the shrill voice of Race’s neighbor and he ran to the door to watch his plan unfold.

“Race,” Romeo was saying, “come here I need to show you something.”

Albert watched from the door as Romeo pulled Race out into the lawn and pointed up at the one red bulb he had put in the strand of white lights and couldn’t help but laugh.

“It’s red.” Romeo said, holding out his palm. “I brought you a white one, if you want it.”

“No actually,” Albert said, stepping out of the house. “We did that on purpose. See there’s this thing where I come from called the Portuguese Red Candle Tradition - very old and sacred tradition - where you put out one red candle, or light, to keep away the dark spirits. It’s said to bring good luck.”

Romeo stood open mouthed.

“I have one inside if you want it.”

Romeo shook his head.

“Great, well then if you don’t mind Race and I have a tree to finish decorating. Ta ta,” he said, pulling Race inside and shutting the door, hearing the oof of the wreath falling off the door once again.

Race stood with his arms crossed. “There’s no such thing as the Portuguese Red Candle Tradition, is there?”

Albert fidgeted. “No.”

“And you know by putting that one red bulb there you’re going to drive him absolutely nuts right?”

“I had the general idea, yes.”

“And you know that he’s gonna drive me insane about fixing it right?”

“Well-”

“Is that why you do you just waltz into peoples houses and make their lives more difficult?”

“I didn’t do anything I was trying to help!”

“Oh like you were with the tree?”

“Hey, everyone deserves to have a good tree!”

“My tree was perfectly fine!”

“It was made of plastic!”

“Perfectly nice plastic!”

“Yeah well your tree can go to hell!”

“You know who else can go to hell?”

“Lemme guess, me?!”

“Exactly!!”

And then Race’s lips were pressed into his.

Albert had to admit, it wasn’t the most romantic kiss ever, what with the satanic cats mewing in the background and the ugly silver tree in pieces on the floor, but maybe, just maybe, it was a good idea that he didn’t freeze to death in his van that night.

______

we Stan a pair of idiots, happy Christmas fizzy babe I hope I did you a solid

tag list tomorrow

[doomedandstoned]

Southern Sludge Acolytes Midmourner Talk Roots, Drop New Sounds from Cavity Split

~Interview by Shawn Gibson~

Foreword by Billy Goate

It's been just a few years since I encountered MIDMOURNER at a show. The southern sludge band from Birmingham, Alabama was making a rare West Coast appearance and stopped in Eugene, Oregon to play an all ages venue called The Boreal (which sadly has since closed its doors). I was on hand with my trusty camcorder to capture the action and the sound turned out so well that the band issued it as a live album. For all the savagery of their music (and when you're standing right in front, just feet away, it is quite frightening, believe you me), I found the guys to be quite friendly -- reminding me of the fabled southern hospitality I missed most when I lived in the Bible Belt as a kiddo.

Since that encounter, Midmourner has been busy, most recently issuing a split with the band Cavity. Doomed & Stoned is proud to debut the song "When Knives Still Drove Conversation" from the Midmourner side of the record and, to accompany your listening, we've got an in-depth interview conducted by Shawn Gibson, who has made it something of a mission to document the unsung heroes in the underground sludge metal scene. Here, he speaks with fiery vocalist Shane Geoge and guitarist Bobbie Harris and they take an unexpected turn into the history of the punk scene in the southern states. A fascinating conversation in deed. Enjoy it while you soak in Midmourner's new track, "When Knives Still Drove Conversation."

Give ear...

An Interivew with Midmourner

Shane: Have you got a punk background? Because we do.

The first shows I went to were punk and hardcore shows in high school. That would be early to mid-nineties.

Shane: Beautiful, beautiful.

In school I listened to The Clash, Sex Pistols, The Exploited, Charged, G.B.H...

Shane: Oh, my god!

Misfits, Minor Threat, Day Glo Abortions. I told Billy Goate I love sludge and heavier doom just because it's some of the fucking heaviest styles of music.

Shane: I'm glad you can appreciate it. That's the thing, is people classify us as doom. All of us come from punk backgrounds. I think we hit our limit. Punks discovering metal. We add the heavy element to it. You've got to have the punk background, man. That's what differentiates between doom and sludge. I think that's why I gravitated towards sludge. It still has that "fuck you!" attitude. There is a lot of professionalism in doom that I can't subscribe to, you know?

Bobby Harris: It has a lot of punk D.I.Y vibe to it.

Shane: Exactly.

Bobby: You got old punk rockers who grew their hair long and have beards playing sludge. They dig the doom stuff. It's so metal and we are not metal. It's a little metal, more punk. We grew up in Birmingham Alabama punk scene. We'd go watch Cavity in the early nineties. I didn't know about sludge until I saw Cavity. Have you heard of ATP?

Alabama Thunder Pussy? Oh, yeah, I've seen 'em! Dude, I took my Mom to that show! She lives in Nashville, Tennessee, and wanted me to go to The Grand Ole Oprey. "No problem, mom, you have to come with me to a GWAR show." I was not going to tell her about the fluids!

Shane: Everybody must see GWAR before they die!

We were in Charleston, South Carolina. She was in town and Clutch, Alabama Thunder Pussy, and Suplecs played at the Music Farm. I said, "Mom, we got to go to this" and she did. She always jokes, "What was the name of that band we saw?" "Alabama Thunder Pussy, mom!" We laugh.

Shane: All that comes back to Kilara. Eric from ATP played drums. There was also the drummer from Avail, which was the greatest punk band that ever fucking existed, in my opinion. We went to a show, Kilara and Cavity inside a record store one night. Dude! Blew the fucking roof off the place! I don't know if your into Cavity or not?

I have heard of them. I haven't heard their music yet. I'll check em out.

Shane: You need to check em out!

Bobby: Without Cavity, I wouldn't be doing this right now. That's how much Cavity had an effect on me as a kid. That made me realize there was more beyond punk rock. It was more pissed off than punk! How can you be more pissed off than punk?

I'd say punk's pretty pissed!

Shane: Midmourner is Cavity plus Grief. That is Midmourner. That's it right there, man.

Bobby: It's a big fascination with Cavity. It's a big fascination with Grief. Cavity has that pissed off, fast, aggressive sound. Grief has that crushing heavy sound, you know? Together that's what we dig.

Shane: That is why we are tickled fucking pink knowing that next year we are going to play with Come To Grief!

Bobby: This is going to be a dream come true! I've been a fan since 'Disrupt,' man!

Shane: That's definitely a bucket list check, you know? We've got Carl, the merch guy from Come To Grief, with us.

Yeah, I talked to him when I was getting some Midmourner shirts from the table. Good guy!

Bobby: He's awesome!

Adorned in Fear and Error by Midmourner

Shane: So who is your favorite sludge band? Let's hear it!

There's a really good sludge band from Tulsa, Oklahoma I love, Senior Fellows. What's up, James!

Shane: Never heard of 'em.

Bobby: I've heard of 'em.

Shane: Good shit?

Dude go check them out on Bandcamp. 'Ecclesiastical Servitude' (2013) is my favorite album, their first. Very bitter, very dry. Heavy! I think Carl and I were talking about "No Cross and No Crown" attitude and ethos. One of their slogans is "Religion Mandates Oppression." Very pissed off!

Shane: I could see that.

I would say Midmourner is some badass sludge that annihilates. Glad to see you guys live and rip it up!

Shane: What did you think of it? We are interviewing you. How about that?

Uh, wow. First time. Usually the other way around. (laughs)

Shane: We are interested in what you think. How did you get into this, ya know? That's what I'm interested in.

I got into this because I love music! I will always do this. I will always share music that I like and know other people that would love to hear the same music. Music brings us together for a small moment. We are part of a family in this musical scene and I want the world to take notice.

Shane: Beautiful thing. Beautiful thing.

It still feels like a scene for me. I caught the ass-end of tape trading, but I love it and want to keep some that going. Now it's digital. You share music all day, anywhere!

You are going back home and wrap up this tour real soon. You were at St. Vitus bar in New York, as well as Charleston and Birmingham. It is a small world! When you meet people and you go on tour next year with Come To Grief: "Holy fuck, Midmourner! I love you guys, man!" Someone will say that to you guys and they will be stoked to see you live.

Shane: We are definitely going to remember you.

The comradery. I don't think you have this much of a family with other styles of music.

Shane: People don't give a shit, man.

I love meeting people and making new connections. Meeting people that you'll keep in touch with for a long time, if not forever.

Bobby: It's getting to know people on a personal level.

Shane: That's the fun of this whole thing.

It's intimate. It's a bond that some people don't understand.

Bobby: Unfortunately, they don't. I don't get it.

Shane: Keep it small. Keep it underground.

(Billy Luttrell of Hexxus sits down and rolls a cigarette.)

Billy: I'm not interrupting, am I?

No not all. Join us.

Shane: We were talking about influences of Midmourner.

Billy: Molehill.

Shane: I don't know if you know Molehill.

No.

Shane: Sludge pioneers from 2000? '97 to 2000-something.

Billy: '98 to 2002.

Shane: That was the beginning of this. Me and Billy, who is our fill-in guy, we've been friends for thirty fucking years! We did a band called Molehill. We raised a few eyebrows. If you go back and look, you can find it on Bandcamp. Matt, who passed away, and Sonny, the guy taking pictures -- he played bass in Molehill. Now I'm 44 and still doing this shit. It's ridiculous. It's for the love of fucking music, man! That's why it pumps our nads to meet people like you, you know? Who enjoy listening to this shit!

I'm excited to listen to it, to be able to discover new heavy bands or obscure heavy bands that are definitely underground.

Bobby: Oh, we're definitely underground! (laughs)

That's why I'm glad to meet you, shake your hands, hear and feel your music live. We've been talking prior to this show about meeting up, being able to grab an interview in person, and especially grab some merch.

Shane: That is the most meaningful shit.

I've shared this show tonight for awhile now, psyched to finally be here.

Bobby: It was cool because I did know you from Facebook.

Shane: He said your name, I was like I know that fucking guy! Are you friends with Billy on there?

Uh...

Shane: Billy plays in Hexxus. Man I'm promoting all your shit today! He cut in three weeks before we were going to leave. We were going to cancel this shit! He came in and said, "Let's fucking do this, man."

Wow! Love to hear about stuff like that.

Billy: You don't have to twist my nipples to make me go on tour! (laughs) I do a lot of fill-in stuff because I'm self-employed. I can leave anytime. I do stuff in friends' bands. They hit me up two to three weeks before the tour and Bobby was like, "Can you fill in for this tour"? "Shit, bro. When do we practice? Let's go!"

I'm glad you did! I'm glad you guys trekked forward.

Shane: It's been a blast! This is the last night. I could go another six months, maybe.

Bobby: No! (laughs) You've run out of Molehill money!(laughs) He was homesick before he got to Ohio! (laughs)

Shane: I'm ready to see the wife. I'm excited! It's cool to be talking to Doomed and Stoned again, man! That's cool!

Yeah!

Shane: We were hoping that wasn't a one of a kind of thing.

Not if I have anything to do with it. I would like to keep in touch with you guys. I'd love to share or promote anything I can for you guys. Next year when your on tour with Come To Grief -- holy fuck!

Bobby: We are going to have a new album come out with Matt [Heath] on bass.

Shane: We have a CD coming out eventually. Excited! We were able to keep all bass lines and bass recordings. That was cool as shit. I am looking forward to that! Doing what the fuck ever! Try to have fun!

That's what it's all about, having fun. Life is too short.

Shane: Oh, exactly!

Live at The Boreal , Eugene, Oregon by Midmourner

You guys are from Birmingham? So Roll Tide?

Shane: Absolutely, man!

I'm from South Carolina, so I'm a Clemson fan!

Shane: Uggghhh, sorry man! (laughs)

I player hate on Alabama big time! I give em respect them even though Nick Saban is the devil (laughs)

Shane: I got to give it to you guys, you took it one year.

Renfrow sneakin in there! Whew!

Shane: Tua is the shit man! We're proud, man! It was good to almost see Clemson get beat by Syracuse again.

I was nervous as shit! They pulled it out. Lawrence had a concussion, Brice and the Tigers did it.

Shane: I'm kinda worried about LSU just a little bit.

I saw they beat Miami.

Shane: They beat Auburn, too. I think Georgia is going to fall.

On that note, I'm good with what I have from you guys. Is there anything else?

Shane: Find Midmourner on Bandcamp! Find the latest shit. We have a new CD coming out. We have a 10" split with Cavity coming up. Very fucking excited about that. They are personal heroes of ours! Somebody is putting out the new album on vinyl in Europe, so we will have a vinyl release which is fucking awesome! We are looking forward to the Coming To Grief tour. We got to find a bass player. If you know anybody that's interested. (laughs) Have the gear and the drive to do this shit and we can talk! It was fucking great talking to you, man.

Yes!

Shane: We appreciate it. We love Doomed And Stoned! Fucking cool man!

Bobby: Thanks for coming out!

Shane it was nice to meet you and finally see you guys live!

Shane: Very nice to meet you, too! It's nice to see the actual face behind the posts on Facebook. We have nothing but good things to say about Doomed And Stoned and Shawn Gibson!(laughs)

I've got nothing but nice things to say about Midmourner!

Shane: Thank you very much! It means so much more than people realize! You know, it keeps you going. Unfortunately, the post-tour depression begins now. We are going to get back out there and slug it out!

Hell, yeah!

Shane: Hopefully get back here. That's about it, appreciate the hell out of it!

Thanks again!

Shane: Thank you man! Doomed And Stoned all the way! There's Billy packing cigarettes! (laughs)

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[timeisacephalopod]

Ironbat

Just a little Bruce Wayne/ Tony Stark thing because I felt like it lol. (Also Fun Fact about this: Bruce and Tony accidentally end up with like 6 kids in 2 years because they keep bringing home strays though, in Tony’s slight defense, Peter still has May so he’s only half adopted). Also ignore the hella uncreative name of this D:

Natasha considers Tony for a long moment and its fucking creepy, she doesn’t even blink. It probably doesn’t help that when she first came to America she told him if anyone smiled as much as Americans in Russia she’d punch them in the face but since everyone here does it she keeps that urge to herself. Tony honestly thought smiling was polite but okay.

“What’s he like?” she asks finally.

Oh, she wants to know about Bruce of not the Banner variety. Because they all know what Banner is like. He sighs and Rhodey’s soul dies, Tony sees it, because he knows Tony well enough to know he’s going to say something stupid. “I’m going to give a description and I need you all not to laugh or judge him, okay?” Because Bruce is sweet, and generous, and yeah he’s so dramatic he makes Tony look like an unseasoned chicken breast in comparison but he’s a great guy. He shouldn’t be judged for his dramatics. They don’t judge Tony for his dramatics.

Actually Stephen told him last week that his cars were ostentatious and if Stephen is talking about Tony’s cars being ostentatious they really must be something.

“He’s a damn furry, isn’t he?” Rhodey says and Tony resents that. Mostly because he wonders if the Batman thing constitutes as being a furry but he doesn’t think so. It is, as far as he knows, just a LARPing thing and its fucking hilarious because no one knows its Bruce Wayne under that dramatic ass cape.

“No he isn’t a furry, T’Challa is a furry,” he throws out there just to make Rhodey cringe. Sam and Rhodey basically worshiped the guy only to find out the dude dresses up like a panther on the regular.

“That is a religious thing, it’s exempt,” Sam says, throwing out his shitty rationalization that they all know is fake. 

Tony rolls his eyes, “sure, bud. Anyways, Bruce. Don’t judge him okay, he’s a great guy,” he starts but Rhodey cuts him off.

“If you need to preface this with so much ‘don’t judge him’ he probably sucks,” he points out.

Pepper frowns, “we preface Tony with a lot more than this,” she says.

Tony is offended, truly. “Okay you know what, Bruce is the kind of guy who would say ‘hello darkness my old friend’ unironically and yeah that’s needlessly dramatic but we’re all needlessly dramatic here so no one should judge him for it,” he tells them all.

They all start laughing immediately like a bunch of twats. “What the hell, Stark?” Bucky asks and Tony squints at him.

“You texted everyone in our group chat ‘I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory’ when your cat stole your garlic bread. Rhodey, you drove a whole ass tank into a military bunker as a fuck you to your superiors. Stephen had that weird ‘sorcerer supreme’ phase and forced us all to call his cape a cloak. Natasha got memes banned in Russia and North Korea. Steve has told half the members of congress to fuck off to their faces and Sam made an AI he named Redwing because Bucky refused to let him get a falcon. Not a single one of you have a place to judge Bruce,” he tells them.

They all look properly shamed except Pepper, who grins. “I am not needlessly dramatic like the rest of you so I have all the right in the world to judge,” she tells them and Tony snorts.

“Oh hell no you do not. You’ve decided you hate fellow CEOs so much that you refuse to address them, only their wives. You once told Justin Hammer that you would rather drink paint thinner than spend another second with him. You punched Aldrich Killian into a pool because he made me uncomfortable. You once told a reporter that people fear you because you have the energy of a Lovecraftian monster. You are not exempt,” he tells her.

Sam laughs, “I remember the Lovecraft thing. You ended up being a lesbian meme for awhile after that,” he says.

Tony remembers that too, it had been around when the Babadook was a gay meme. Monsters were a thing that week.

“Is Bruce seriously that dramatic? I thought he mostly read to kids and whatever,” Rhodey says and yeah, he does that too. And a lot of charity work in orphanages. It’d been how they met- sometimes when Tony is sad he goes to hospitals and holds babies and Bruce happened o be donating money to that particular hospital and found him crying over a small premie that was so sweet and precious. They hit it off pretty easily but yes, Bruce is so dramatic he may give Stephen a run for his money.

“Yeah, he is one hundred percent that dramatic. You’ll find out,” he says. Granted most of Bruce’s dramatics went to his Batman character- Tony struggled not to laugh out loud when he heard Bruce unironically say ‘I am the night’ but he’s dramatic elsewhere too.

“Find out what?” Bruce asks, coming up behind them, smiling. Tony has never had a thing for classic Hollywood hot- too fifties for his tastes, but Bruce makes it feel different. Maybe its because nothing about him aside from his classic looks remind Tony of the past or maybe its something else, he doesn’t know.

“Holy Christ, are you even in there anymore?” Bucky asks, jabbing him in the side with his finger. Tony smacks his hand away after jumping a little.

“Yes, now keep your fingers away from me,” he tells him. “We were talking about you being dramatic,” he tells Bruce for reference.

Bruce’s eyebrows draw together, “I’m dramatic?” he asks. “Don’t you have a friend who insisted you called him ‘sorcerer supreme’?” he asks.

Right, Tony forgot about that too. “Yeah, Stephen got a little in character and none of us knew what the character was for but he’s mostly okay now, he’s chilled out a little. Come sit,” he says, shooing at Bucky to get out of the spot beside Tony. Bruce tries to move towards the only empty seat that is, for some damn reason, beside Sam but Tony pulls him back and continues to pester Bucky to go sit beside his damn boyfriend.

When he discovers they’re currently in the middle of an argument he’s not surprised, he’s watched the two of them get into it over Steve’s cat that died when he was ten of all things, but he’s damn annoyed to discover that this particular fight is about Sam not finding bats cute. Bruce lets out a small shiver and Tony holds onto him a little tighter, knowing about his fear of bats.

Honestly that only makes Batman that much more dramatic because Bruce fucking dresses up as his worst fear. Jesus, he really does have a talent for finding people who are so dramatic they could blend into a comic book easily. Bucky moves his ass finally and Bruce sits next to him and looks around. He pinpoints Rhodey as the most important at the table easily and Tony will never understand how he does that. It takes him ten seconds flat to find the person at the top of any food chain and he can figure out how to exploit them in another ten seconds. Its actually useful in business and Tony is surprised that Bruce’s success comes from reading people so well. But then Bruce thought he could do that too and had been surprised that Tony was just following math no one else saw. Pepper can do it now too so that’s neat, usually he can’t teach for shit.

“Tony has told me about your military career, you recently got promoted, didn’t you?” Bruce asks and Rhodey leans into it easily, going off on a tangent about his recent promotion and how he got it. Bruce smiles and listens easily, asking all the right questions because he’s freakishly good at people if they weren’t in a relationship with him. If they were, well, Alfred told Tony he has a fear of being close to people thanks to that time his parents got shot right in front of him as a kid. Tony thinks he deals with it well, or at least well enough that Alfred gives him advice and he’s seen how protective the old man is of Bruce. He’d chase Tony out of the mansion without a second thought if he thought he was a bad choice on Bruce’s behalf.

Natasha watches Bruce’s exchanges keenly because she’s as good at people as he is but when he gets to addressing her- right after congratulating Pepper on her recent multimillion dollar deal that no one else thought was a good idea but Bruce did for the exact reasons she did- he manages to find her soft spot too. “I’ve read about your rat rescue- I had no idea you could buy rescue rats but I suppose they might need it more than most. Its not like people care if rats are mistreated- people mostly want them dead,” he says.

She perks up, “and they’re very clean contrary to popular belief,” she says.

Bruce nods, “I used to have rats as a child. They’re smart as hell too, probably a little too smart for their own good actually. They were both escape artists and Alfred, my butler, was not impressed to find them in the kitchen more often than not,” he says and Natasha laughs. With that he somehow manages to win her over too despite the fact that she’s impossible to please and probably wants to punch him because he smiles.

And Bruce thought this was going to go badly.

*

Bruce is sure he’s managed to screw everything up given how utterly silent Tony has been through the whole dinner. Tony isn’t normally silent- he errs more on the side of dominating the conversation if only by accident but through this entire thing he’s said next to nothing. So by the time they leave he’s worried he’s somehow managed to say something wrong but he can’t for the life of him figure out what it is. He did his research- all of Tony’s friends are as impressive as he is in their own right and he made sure to acknowledge that- the fastest way to impress Tony was to recognize worth in others and Bruce finds it both telling and strange. 

He’s never met someone who’s so attracted to the ability to recognize talent in others but Tony has a clear... thing for it. Maybe because he recognizes potential in the strangest of ways and in odd areas too- its just part of the way his mind works- and Bruce seems to be the only one who picks up on this aspect of Tony’s personality. And the potential Tony sees. Tony thinks he’s bad at people but he isn’t, he just sees them differently and this isn’t really odd considering he sees everything differently. What Tony is bad at is finding conventional ways to relate to people and Bruce likes that about him. It makes him feel less dangerous, somehow, like maybe if he’s different this relationship will be different too. He’s never been good at relationships, Selena knows that better than most.

“How the hell do you manage to do that?” Tony asks when they leave. 

Bruce has no idea what he means and his gut twists a little, worried that he’s managed to botch this too. For the first time since... he hasn’t felt like running and he doesn’t want to do something to make it end. “Do what?” he asks.

Tony frowns, “win people over like that. I’ve never met anyone who managed to make Natasha go from suspicious to smitten like that ever,” he says.

Well, it might help him to know Natasha isn’t smitten, she’s just convinced that Bruce isn’t horrible. Its the best she’ll ever think of him most likely, she’s not the kind of person who would ever fully trust another person, but Bruce already knew that when they met. But he does at least relax because he hasn’t done something wrong, Tony is just impressed with his people skills again. Its an odd trait to hone in on, but its that, his generosity, his love of children, and his ability to disagree with Tony that draws him in. That’s probably the strangest combination Bruce has run into but he doesn’t dislike it either. Those happen to be the traits, minus his ability to manipulate people, that he finds most admirable about himself too.

“I just did my research, Tony,” he says. Its all he’s ever needed to do.

Tony smiles and leans into his side, “yeah well, was ready to write you off and now he thinks I’m lying about how dramatic you are so obviously your research paid off,” he says.

Bruce wraps an arm around Tony’s waist, “Tony he doesn’t think I’m dramatic because he doesn’t know about Batman and you’re not going to tell him. If Cobblepot finds out who I am he’ll use it against me,” he says and Tony bursts out laughing.

“I love you, but this LARPing thing is ridiculous. Endearing, but ridiculous. You do know Cobblepot works in a bank, right? He’s not nearly as impressive as The Penguin even if he sucks at names,” Tony says.

Yes, Bruce knows that already. “I’m aware of all my foes, thank you. Harley Quinn is a psychiatrist who’s real name is Harleen Quinzel and her girlfriend is Poison Ivy,” he says. Pamela a botanist and a very well known environmental activist too, Tony has read her work when considering his green energy projects, actually.

“Jesus Christ, this is so dramatic. How the hell did you get half of Gotham involved in a LARP?” Tony asks.

Well, that’s just an exaggeration. There’s certainly not that many people in the game and frankly Bruce doesn’t care if he’s winning.