#just saw another poll where he was at the bottom by a large margin

[enby-hawke]

Wyll is quickly becoming my favorite character out of spite. I need to do fanart asap

[thecollegefootballguy]

The Real Big Ten West

Hello everybody. I enjoyed my look at the various three-way rivalry series in college football and I came to the conclusion that there should be a few more.

One of the three-way rivalries that absolutely needs a trophy is the original Big Ten West: Iowa, Minnesota, and Wisconsin. All three of these schools consider each other rivals and have some of college football’s oldest and coolest rivalry trophies: Paul Bunyan’s Axe and Floyd of Rosedale.

I propose a new trophy be created and handed out to the winner of the three-way series. Call it something related to that region or those schools. Something original like Floyd Bunyan’s Axe. I’m gonna go ahead and say that the rules governing the trophy be modeled around the Commander-in-Chief’s Trophy or the Michigan MAC Trophy. The simplest tiebreakers are often the best, so if a tie comes up just leave the Trophy in the hands of the current champion.

Of course I took the trouble to chart out the history of this fake trophy, so let’s go and see who wins Floyd Bunyan’s Axe.

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The Early Days: 1890-1917

We begin our story on November 5, 1890, the first time that Minnesota and Wisconsin met on the gridiron. The Golden Gophers won 63-0. A year later Minnesota and Iowa played for the first time, a 42-4 Gopher victory. It took three more years to complete the circle when the Badgers and Hawkeyes played, a 44-0 Wisconsin win.

Minnesota and Wisconsin were founding members of the Western Conference in 1892. It was the first ever college football conference and the original incarnation of the Big Ten. Iowa joined in 1899 and were very much treated like a junior partner for some time.

Minnesota and Wisconsin immediately dove into a competitive rivalry. Their game began being played later in the season, though usually it wasn’t the end of season game. The Gophers and Badgers traded off streaks in the series, with no team dominating for more than four years.

The Iowa rivalry took much longer to develop as a program. Those early meetings turned out to be one-offs. After their first game in 1891, the Hawkeyes wouldn’t play Minnesota again until 1901. Even then it was an on-again, off-again kind of thing. Wisconsin played Iowa even less frequently.

Under head coach Henry Williams, the Gophers turned into one of the top teams in college football. In Williams’ first season in 1900, Minnesota went 10-0-2. In 1903 they were again undefeated with an impressive 14-0-1 record, with the one tie coming against fellow undefeated Michigan. In those early years, the Wolverines were Minnesota’s biggst rival. Both schools were two of the first big national powers outside of the Northeast.

In 1904, the Golden Gophers were a perfect 13-0 and claimed their first ever national championship. It was a definite high point under Williams. The Gophers would win five more Western Conference championships but wouldn’t again compete for national titles until the 30′s.

This whole time, Iowa remained marginalized by Minnesota, Wisconsin, and the rest of the conference. The Hawkeyes had several good seasons but were clearly far behind the others, who would not have considered Iowa rivals back then.

Floyd Bunyan’s Axe Record Minnesota: 16 Wisconsin: 12

Minnesota and Wisconsin completely dominated Iowa in this era. Of course, neither team played the Hawkeyes all that much in this span which contributes to this disparity, but when they did play Iowa couldn’t manage a single win.

Despite the Gophers’ national championship period in the early 1900′s, Minnesota only just edges out Wisconsin. The Badgers were able to get the better of their rivals in the late 1890′s and late 1900′s.

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Iowa Joins the Fray: 1918-1931

In 1916, Iowa hired former Yale national champion coach Howard Jones to come to Iowa City. Jones immediately flipped the dynamic between the Hawkeyes and their would-be rivals. Iowa beat Minnesota in 1918, their first win in the series. They won their next four games against the Gophers and five of the next six. Howard Jones left Iowa following the 1923 season, but that was after two undefeated seasons in ‘21 and ‘22.

In 1924, the Hawkeyes played Wisconsin for the first time in seven years, and finally notched their first win over the Badgers. UI and UW would meet for the next five seasons. They weren’t annual rivals yet, but the series was beginning to be played on a more regular basis.

By the mid-20′s Minnesota reasserted themselves as both Iowa and Wisconsin receded to the bottom of the Big Ten. The Gophers weren’t yet back to challenging for the conference championship every year but they won a league title in 1927 under Clarence Spears, who would later coach the Badgers in the mid-30′s.

Floyd Bunyan’s Axe Record Minnesota: 21 Wisconsin: 13 Iowa: 8

Iowa makes a splash under Howard Jones, winning five trophies in a row and seven of eight from 1918 to 1925. Never mind that half of them via tiebreaker scenarios, but if Wisconsin wanted the trophy they should have played the Hawkeyes. 1925 itself was a weird year because both Minnesota and Wisconsin tied with a 1-0-1 record in the eligible games, but 0-2 Iowa got to keep the trophy because no winner could be declared.

Minnesota did a good enough job in the late 20′s, though it was mostly because both the Badgers and Hawkeyes fell towards the bottom of the standings. Wisconsin was pretty miserable. The Badgers should have had some kind of claim on the tiebreakers that Iowa won from 1920-22 and 1925, but it didn’t play out that way.

Minnesota was able to distance themselves from Wisconsin in the all-time standings, and at the same time formerly hapless Iowa was able to make up a lot of ground despite remaining in last place. At least Iowa was finally able to start playing the Golden Gophers on a yearly basis from this point on.

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The Bierman Era: 1932-1949

In 1932, Minnesota hired star Tulane head coach Bernie Bierman to replace the departed Fritz Crisler. Bierman wasted absolutely no time turning the Gophers back into a powerhouse. Minnesota went a unique kind of undefeated in 1933, going 4-0-4. The following years, the Golden Gophers smoothed over those ties and began to properly win out.

Minnesota went 23-1 from 1934 to 1936, winning back to back to back national championships. The Gophers were a perfect 8-0 those first two seasons and were awarded the first ever AP National Title in 1936 despite a 7-1 finish. Minnesota won Big Ten championships in the following two years, but didn’t claim any AP titles.

After a reset year in 1939, the Golden Gophers again went undefeated in 1940 and 1941, and claimed national titles both seasons. Minnesota was suddenly the hottest program in the country, having won five championships in eight years. It’s interesting to think what would have happened if World War II didn’t come and mess everything up.

Bierman was drafted into the Army, where he served as the coach of the Iowa Pre-Flight team in 1942. The Gophers muddled through several so-so seasons before Bierman came back in 1945 to again turn things around. Unfortunately Minnesota wasn’t as good this time around. While competitive, the Golden Gophers were unable to win another Big Ten or national championship before Bierman retired in 1950.

For the most part, Wisconsin and Iowa fell between average and below average during the Bierman era. However, the Badgers did manage an 8-1-1 campaign in 1942 that saw them finish 3rd in the AP poll. The loss was against Iowa. Wisconsin was awarded a national title by the Helms Athletic Foundation, likely for beating #1 Ohio State.

Floyd Bunyan’s Axe Record Minnesota: 36 Wisconsin: 15 Iowa: 9

Minnesota completely dominated its rivals under Bernie Bierman. The Golden Gophers were more in competition with Michigan and Ohio State for mastery of the Big Ten than with their regional rivals and that’s more than reflected in the all-time standings.

As all three of the rivalries were strengthened during this period. A trophy called the Slab of Bacon was introduced between Minnesota and Wisconsin starting in 1930. The Slab showed either an M or W depending on the way it was hung and the winning team was able to claim they “brought home the bacon” upon winning. It’s so charmingly Midwest. The Slab was lost in 1942 following a rare Badger victory during this period. In 1948, the Slab was officially replaced by a new Trophy, Paul Bunyan’s Axe, which would become one of the more iconic travelling trophies in football.

In 1935, Iowa and Minnesota began competing for Floyd of Rosedale. It was a friendly gesture meant to smooth over an ugly racial incident between Minnesota’s team and fans with Iowa’s star halfback Ozzie Simmons. The first year a real pig was exchanged, and then a large bronze trophy was made to be passed down through the subsequent years.

In 1937, the Hawkeyes and Badgers finally started playing on an annual basis, completing the proper 3-way rivalry.

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The Age of Parity: 1950-1976

Well, it wasn’t quite real parity, but each team got some licks in. Following the retirement of Bernie Bierman following the 1950 season, Minnesota hired Wes Fesler who didn’t win and was then fired him three years later. Fesler was replaced by the much more capable Murray Warmath.

Warmath would stay in Minneapolis for nearly two decades, and was the Gophers’ last coach to truly achieve greatness. Minnesota wasn’t a consistent powerhouse, but they would ping pong up and down the standings, sometimes competing and sometimes failing. In 1960, the Golden Gophers were managed an 8-1 record in the regular season and were accorded their most recent national championship by the major polls. Of course they then lost the Rose Bowl to #6 Washington, but hey, things were different back then.

Minnesota would make and win the Rose Bowl in 1961, and would tie for the Big Ten championship in 1967, but after that they entered a period of decline that they really haven’t ever recovered from. Never again would the Gophers be a true blue blood program.

One of the teams that the Gophers beat in 1960 en route to their “championship” was Forest Evashevski’s #1 Iowa Hawkeyes. Iowa hired Evashevski in 1952 and immediately broke back into the upper crust of the Big Ten. The Hawkeyes made and won their first Rose Bowl following the 1956 season, wrapping up a 9-1 campaign and a #3 ranking. Two years later Iowa achieved a final #2 ranking behind an 8-1-1 season and another Rose Bowl. The Football Writers Association sought fit to award Iowa a national championship for their year, though the consensus title went to undefeated LSU.

The Hawkeyes ended the 1960 season in the top three and a share of the Big Ten title once again, though they had to see their rivals crowned national champions. Following the season, Evashevski stepped down as coach to become Iowa’s AD. Evashevski wasn’t capable of hiring a coach as good as himself, and the Hawkeyes entered a tailspin for the whole of the 60′s and 70′s, passing through a series of coaches, some of whom hated the domineering Evashevski.

Despite both Iowa and Minnesota hiring two of their best coaches near simultaneously, Wisconsin was able to keep up with their rivals for the most part. The Badgers would never go undefeated, but they would occasionally win the Big Ten and make Rose Bowls in the 50′s and 60′s. Wisconsin was led by Ivy Williamson from 1949 to 1955, and went 41-19-4 in that span with a Big Ten championship in 1952.

Milt Bruhn was in Madison for a decade and took the Badgers to two more Rose Bowls in 1959 and 1962. #2 Wisconsin’s 37-42 loss to #1 USC in Pasadena cost them a national championship.

As the 60′s turned to the 70′s, all three programs began long periods of decline.

Floyd Bunyan’s Axe Record Minnesota: 45 Wisconsin: 28 Iowa: 14

This two and a half decade period is easily the most competitive between all three teams, though for different reasons. Iowa, Minnesota, and Wisconsin all had outstanding seasons in the 1950′s and early 60′s. The trio won or tied for several Big Ten titles in this span. However, by the mid-60′s each team was on the way out, and each series remained competitive mostly because all three were clustered together towards the bottom of the standings.

Football in the Big Ten was more and more centered around the twin suns of Michigan and Ohio State, who attracted the best talent and dominated the conference for the next several decades. One or more of Minnesota, Iowa, and Wisconsin may have been able to attract or develop better players, but they were also boxed out by Nebraska and Oklahoma of the Big 8, who snagged all of the best guys in the Western half of the Midwest the same way UM and OSU dominated the Eastern half.

Wisconsin wound up with 13 Trophies compared to Minnesota’s 9 and Iowa’s 5. The Badgers did have the most help from tiebreakers, while the Hawkeyes received none. This leads to more of a stratification in our all-time standings. Wisconsin has double the number of trophies as Iowa, but nearly half as many as the Gophers who hold a commanding lead.

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The Fry Era: 1977-1996

Iowa was pretty terrible in the mid-70′s, but so were Minnesota and Wisconsin. That all changed in 1979 when former SMU and North Texas State head coach Hayden Fry came to Iowa City. Fry took two years to straighten things out but then Iowa turned into a competitive force in the Big Ten.

The Hawkeyes went 8-3 in 1981 and tied Ohio State atop the league standings, earning a Rose Bowl berth. Iowa won at least eight games a year for the next six seasons. From 1981 to 1988 the Hawkeyes attended eight straight bowls and finished ranked seven times. 1985 was the apex: Iowa went 10-1 in the regular season, at one point rising to #1 in the polls before falling to Ohio State. The Hawkeyes won the Big Ten outright but lost to UCLA in the Rose Bowl to sink to 10-2 and #10 in the final AP.

Iowa would win the Big Ten again in 1990 despite an 8-4 finish, and in ‘91 the Hawkeyes went an impressive 10-1-1. They’d never again reach these same heights under Fry, but Iowa continued to be a presence in the conference throughout the 90′s.

And what were Minnesota and Wisconsin doing while the Hawkeyes were nipping on Michigan’s and Ohio State’s heels? A whole lot of nothing. The Golden Gophers were treading water through the 80′s and 90′s. They weren’t always that bad, but they were almost never good either. The Badgers were usually even worse. Outside of a few 7 wins seasons in the early-80′s Wisconsin was a regular bottom feeder.

However, everything changed when Barry Alvarez was hired in 1990. It took Alvarez a few years to clear away the rot, but he turned the Badgers back into a regular powerhouse. Wisconsin went 10-1-1 in 1993 with a win over UCLA in the Rose Bowl.

Floyd Bunyan’s Axe Record Minnesota: 48 Iowa: 31 Wisconsin: 28

As you can see, Iowa made up a ton of ground, leaping over Wisconsin in the all-time standings by absolutely dominating the 80′s and 90′s. There was some weirdness from 1978-81. For four straight years Minnesota beat the Hawkeyes, but lost to Wisconsin while Iowa beat the Badgers. This led to a three-way tie every year so the Hawkeyes got to keep the trophy each time, having won it in 1977.

Minnesota won a couple trophies here and there but really, this was the Iowa show. Much of this success can be attributed to the Hawkeyes’ complete domination of Wisconsin. Iowa didn’t lose to the Badgers for 20 years from 1977 to 1996. At the very worst they would tie the Gophers in the standings during this period.

Like I said, Barry Alvarez had Wisconsin turned around by 1993, but the Badgers weren’t yet able to capitalize on their success by beating the Hawkeyes. The series took a two year hiatus in 1993-94 from a scheduling hiccup following Penn State’s entry to the league, which was probably Wisconsin’s best chance to beat Iowa until close to Fry’s retirement.

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Kirk Ferentz vs Wisconsin: 1997-2019

The Badgers really came into their own at the end of the 90′s, winning two straight Rose Bowls following the 1998 and ‘99 seasons and finishing in the top 5 both years. It was easily their best period in program history in over 50 years. It came right as Iowa began to fall off towards the end of Hayden Fry’s tenure.

The legendary Fry had pulled Iowa out from irrelevance, but it was his time to go. The Hawkeyes went a pathetic 3-8 in his last season in 1998, but that only brought down his all-time record in Iowa City to 143-89-6. Fry’s replacement was Kirk Ferentz, who was a disciple of Fry’s in the early 80′s before becoming an NFL OL coach.

After a couple of transition years, Iowa was once again back on top, competing with Michigan, Ohio State, and rival Wisconsin for the top spot in the league. The Hawkeyes tied for the Big Ten title in both 2002 and 2004, though they weren’t selected for the Rose Bowl either season. Iowa was never a consistent contender for the conference championship, but Ferentz has kept them above .500 for the better part of two decades. The Hawkeyes did make the Rose Bowl in 2016 after finishing as league runner up behind Michigan State.

Barry Alvarez retired following the 2005 season and a career 119-72-4 record, handing over the reigns to DC Bret Bielema. Bielema was able to keep the train rolling, and the Badgers surged forward as both Ohio State and Michigan hit rough patches in the late 2000′s and early 2010′s. The Badgers attended three consecutive Rose Bowls from 2011 to 2013 before Bielema left for Arkansas. Gary Andersen’s brief tenure gave way to another Alvarez disciple, Paul Chryst, who has won 10 or more games in four of his five seasons in charge.

Minnesota hasn’t done as well. Glen Mason was able to pull the Gophers back into respectability in the early 2000′s, but was fired all the same for not continuing to improve. His successors have been far less successful. Indeed Minnesota almost seems cursed. The Gophers are on the far Northwest edge of the conference, unable to draw 4 and 5 star talent to Minneapolis as long as OSU, Penn State, and Michigan are sucking up all the oxygen, and nearer rivals Iowa and Wisconsin are plucking up all the good 3 stars.

Jerry Kill was building a strong program but he was forced into retirement by health issues. Kill’s replacement, Tracy Claeys, was doing nearly as good a job but was fired for bungling the PR in a criminal case involving his players. PJ Fleck also seems to be pointing the Golden Gophers in the right direction, but time will tell if they can keep up with their rivals.

Floyd Bunyan’s Axe Record Minnesota: 48 Wisconsin: 44 Iowa: 38

As you can see, it has been all Wisconsin and Iowa in this new century, and mostly Wisconsin at that. The Badgers have won 16 trophies to the Hawkeyes’ 7 in this span.

Minnesota has seen their large lead in the all-time series standings quickly erode. Only 10 titles separate the Gophers and third place Iowa. It really does come down to coaching. Minnesota hired dud coach after dud coach starting in the 70′s and have never been the same. The few good coaches they have either leave (Lou Holtz) or are forced out by unforeseen circumstances (Kill, Claeys). Glen Mason’s firing is really on the Gopher administration, that really shouldn’t have happened.

Meanwhile, Iowa and Wisconsin have made stellar hires. The Hawkeyes moved from strength to strength when Hayden Fry turned over the reigns to Kirk Ferentz. Those two men have kept the Iowa competitive for the past 40 years. Wisconsin’s revival under Barry Alvarez has similarly been sustained by his successors.

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It’ll be interesting to see where this three-way rivalry goes from here. My money is on Wisconsin staying on top, the Badger brand is strong and there’s no guarantee that Fleck will have Minnesota being able to compete on a yearly basis. Ferentz has to retire at some point, so Iowa has to once again hit a slam dunk hire to stay in the running.

Since their accession to the league in 2011, Nebraska has made this something of a four-way rivalry. The Cornhuskers transformed their existing on-again, off-again out of conference rivalries with Iowa and Minnesota into trophy games to replace their old Big 8 rivalries.

Whether Nebraska is or isn’t a part of the equation doesn’t matter too much to me, but Iowa, Minnesota, and Wisconsin absolutely should make a three-way rivalry Trophy. Maybe don’t call it Floyd Bunyan’s Axe, but do it!

Thanks so much for reading. I'll be doing a few more of these hypothetical rivalry trophies because, well, we might not be getting real football any time soon.

-cfbguy

[daxolotl]

On UK Politics, or, “The Absolute Shambles”

Christ, it’s been a week, hasn’t it?

I say that, but I know I have a lot of followers in the US and elsewhere, so...not everyone might know about exactly what’s been going on in the UK recently. So I thought I’d take a bit of time to cover everything that’s happened to lead us up to where we are now - and where exactly that is.

I’m not going to provide references to anything I say in this because there’s a LOT, but if you want references for anything I say, please feel free to send me an Ask or reblog this and I’ll find you references for whatever you’re interested in.

Cheat sheet:

‘Tories’ = The Conservative Party. Basically the Republicans. One of the two biggest parties.

‘Lib Dems’ = Liberal Democrat Party. Centrist, slightly left

‘Labour’ = Labour Party. Left-wing. One of the two biggest parties.

‘New Labour’ = A movement that happened in the Labour Party in the late ‘90s that created ten years of Labour government and saw them pushing from the Left towards...basically slightly-less-right-wing than the Conservatives. It was shitty.

‘UKIP’ = UK Independence Party. Far Right Assholes, want to leave the European Union.

‘SNP’ = Scottish Nationalist Party. Slightly left-wing from what I understand but I’m not overly familiar with Scottish politics. Mainly want independence from the UK.

‘DUP’ = Democratic Unionist Party. Far-right hyper-religious party in Northern Ireland.

‘Sinn Fein’ = Sinn Fein. In a deadlock with the DUP the Northern Irish Assembly which is the core of the Good Friday Agreement - letting UK Parliament govern them while the two parties remain deadlocked. Have a Thing about never taking their seats in UK Parliament.

Putting all the rest of this under a read more because...things are gonna get long. It’s a fuckin’ ride.

FLASHBACK - 2015

It’s a General Election year. There’s been five horrible years of a Conservative-Liberal Democrat coalition government, during which time the Lib Dems (who were the minority) weren’t able to get any of their policies through, and were pressured into delivering ALL of the bad news that the Conservative government pushed through. As a result, their approval dropped to rock bottom between 2010 and 2015.

David Cameron, current Conservative Prime Minister in coalition, needed something to get a ratings boost and to ensure votes. So what should he do? Well, UKIP has been pushing for a referendum to leave the European Union for years - so he decides a good plan would be to boost his ratings by promising that Referendum if he’s elected, securing the rising UKIP vote for himself.

It works - just. The Tories get a 5-seat Majority (you need a minimum of 326 seats for your party in order to win a Majority), allowing him to form a Conservative government. The Referendum is arranged for 2016, and David Cameron gets to work campaigning...in favour of Remaining in the EU. He agreed to call a referendum about leaving when he personally is not in favour of leaving. What could go wrong?

Also in response to this, the heads of the Labour and Lib Dem parties stepped down. The Lib Dem leader was swiftly replaced by a man with the personality of dried toothpaste, while in the Labour party, Jeremy Corbyn (a genuinely left-wing figure and socialist) was put into the running as a joke by several Labour MPs, and he proceeded to sweep the entire party leadership race in a flood of youth support.

The Labour party, still with much New Labour support, responded to that by immediately trying to backstab and oust their most popular leader in decades, which didn’t work particularly well.

FLASHBACK - 2016

The Referendum campaign was a mess. Lies and slander everywhere, Boris Johnson (a Conservative dick) becoming a prominent Vote Leave campaigner not because he wanted to leave but because he wanted to use it to boost his career against David Cameron. Theresa May (remember her name, it’ll be important later) siding on Vote Remain. UKIP and their leader being plastered on the front page of newspapers despite being a small party.

Oh, and Labour MP (and Remainer) Jo Cox being murdered in broad daylight by a white supremacist.

And then Vote Leave won. 52% to 48%. This was taken as a clear mandate, and David Cameron set to work starting the process of leaving the EU.

Oh wait, no he didn’t. He immediately resigned, causing a leadership race within the Conservative Party. Okay, Boris Johnson was prominent in Vote Leave, surely he’ll take this opportunity to...oh wait, no, he decided not to run for position of Prime Minister. Eventually, it got down to two candidates - Theresa May and one other. The one other proceeded to step down before members of the Conservative Party got to actually vote on the issue, meaning that Theresa May became Prime Minister.

Meanwhile, the Labour Party MPs, having failed to support Jeremy Corbyn up until now, decided this was the perfect time to try and backstab and oust their most popular leader in deca--wait, didn’t this happen already, last year? It doesn’t work, again, and he wins a second leadership race by an even bigger margin than last time.

However, two backstab attempts has left Jeremy Corbyn seeming, publicly, to be a weak Labour leader, while Theresa May appears to be strong.

FLASHBACK - 2017

Theresa May triggers Article 50 - which marks the formal beginning of our exit from the EU (”Brexit”). It can be cancelled at any time, but from when it’s triggered, we have two years to organise everything before we leave. Talks with the EU are set to begin on the 19th of June. Time for Theresa May to start preparing for talks, surel--

JUST KIDDING! SNAP ELECTION TIME!

Apparently, the Conservative 5-seat majority was not a “clear mandate” for leading Brexit, so Theresa May decides to call an early snap election, because politicians are allowed to do that for some reason. It’s definitely to get a stronger mandate, and not blatant profiteering by Theresa May to try and gain a larger majority due to the fact that the Conservatives are polling with a TWENTY POINT LEAD over the Labour Party.

The snap election is arranged to take place on the 8th of June - just 11 days before talks with the EU are due to begin. What could go wrong?

So Theresa May starts by talking about how the Conservative party is Strong and Stable, and that’s why she called an unexpected election after promising she wouldn’t, after taking control of the party after David Cameron stepped down after promising he wouldn’t. Strong. Stable.

It’s worth noting now that with a 20-point lead, Theresa May could have personally kicked all of her constituents in the kneecaps and she’d STILL get a majority government.

She follows up with the Strong and Stable argument by saying that she...will not attend any debates with any other parties. At all. She basically goes into hiding after calling the General Election.

Over time, she comes out of hiding. Jeremy Corbyn is campaigning publicly across the country, drawing huge crowds, so May counters him by attending private rallies in locked rooms with CEOs where the press aren’t allowed to attend. She also counters him by suggesting that he’s soft on terrorism and that he has past dealings with the IRA in Ireland, which...he doesn’t, other than as part of the peace process. She also counters him by suggesting that any Labour leadership would be a weak “Coalition of Chaos”.

Other parties slowly release their manifestos. The Labour party talks about their pledges, and the Conservatives jump on their most classic of attack tactics - that Labour is bad with money and the Conservatives are good with the economy. Their favourite is to talk about a “magic money tree” which pays for all of Labour’s pledges.

Labour responds by releasing a fully-costed Manifesto with clear detailing of where every policy will be funded from. This doesn’t actually seem to bother the Conservatives, who continue talking about how Labour uses magic money trees.

Shortly after this, the Conservatives release their own manifesto. It’s half the length of the Labour manifesto, and is...completely uncosted. In fact, the only costing in it is the fact that it would cost 7p to bring in free school meals. This, for obvious reasons, doesn’t sit well with a lot of people.

What sits even worse is one of their manifesto pledges, coined a “Dementia Tax”. Within it, anyone who needs a carer to help them would have to pay large fees for the carer provided they have money or property worth more than a £100,000. What this meant, essentially, was that any older person who, oh, happened to own any house at all, would be ineligible for the Council to pay for their social care, and would have to pay for their care from their own pocket. In practise, this would result in many older people being forced to sell their houses, even if they’re living in them, in order to afford the social care.

In a single move, she managed to alienate the largest, most reliable Conservative voters - old people with houses.

Following huge outcry and her approval rating in the polls dropping by another few points as Corbyn’s continued to climb, Theresa May announced that the Dementia Tax would NOT be happening. The “Strong and Stable” leader becomes the first leader in history to go back on a campaign promise DURING THE CAMPAIGN she’s running.

Election Day and Now

The 8th of June comes. The “unassailable” 20-point lead of Theresa May and the Tories has narrowed to just a few points.

Voting closes. The BBC Exit Poll releases, predicting...a hung parliament. It predicts that the Conservatives will be the largest party, but will NOT have a majority. If that happens, then they have to try and make a deal with another party in order to gain a Majority - either through smaller deals, or with an outright Coalition.

Results roll in over the night. By 4am, it’s clear the predictions of a hung parliament are correct. By final results, the Conservatives have 318 seats out of the 326 that they need - losing 13 compared to last election. Labour, meanwhile, sit at 262 seats, having gained 30 compared to last election. (Percentagewise, the Conservatives had 42% of the vote while Labour had 40%). Most of that gain is ‘blamed’ on young voters who had a massive turnout.

The only possible majority is still Conservative - they just need to find a party who’ll work with them. Labour obviously won’t. The Lib Dems aren’t making that mistake again. The SNP in Scotland won’t. The Green Party won’t. Sinn Fein won’t. UKIP, previously with a few seats, earn NO MPs.

Then it comes to them. The DUP. They’re right-wing, and they earned 10 seats - just enough to push a Majority, if they can get a deal. A deal the Conservatives desperately need to avoid another election.

The DUP who have current links with nationalist militant groups in Northern Ireland. The DUP who compare homosexuality to paedophilia. The DUP who push to keep abortion illegal in Ireland. The DUP who believe the Earth is 10,000 years old. That DUP.

LGBT constituents and LGBT Conservative MPs are against it.

Sinn Fein are against it, because they claim any Coalition or deal would breach the terms of the Good Friday Agreement, prioritising one of Northern Ireland’s two parties over the other.

And most amusingly: https://twitter.com/AbiWilks/status/873691569504882689 THEY WON’T NEGOTIATE ON SUNDAYS.

It’s now one week until talks with the EU are due to begin. And the UK has never seemed weaker.

And it’s fucking hilarious. Theresa May tried to push for more power for herself, and instead, she’s seen a genuine appetite from the people of the UK for socialism and left-wing ideas. She wanted to create a huge Conservative majority from a 20-point lead, and instead she LOST her majority and is having to try for a chaotic coalition to desperately cling on to power.

The UK is in disarray. We have no government. The Conservatives announced a deal with the DUP which, https://twitter.com/skydavidblevins/status/873811317068627968 as it turns out, hasn’t been struck yet, and they’ll be meeting to try and reach a deal on Tuesday.

I, and much of the youth of the UK, is looking at all of this with delight. Logically, I know that long-term we’re probably still fucked in a lot of ways. But short-term? Short-term, Right-Wing power is disintegrating because of their greed and overconfidence, socialism earned 40% of the total vote, and we get to see the Government that has fucked us in the name of personal profit for the last seven years get forced to beg to hold on what vestiges of their power still remain. The Conservatives look pathetic, and even if/when a deal with the DUP is struck, they will have no authority in any negotiation with the EU. They have been humiliated.

David Cameron might have fucked a dead pig in the mouth, but the Conservatives have fucked themselves.