#just really made me realise how devastating that is to see.

[xitsensunmoon]

My first ever comic con! And first cosplay too. Of course it's gonna be my boy :] Ramblings about the process are under the cut(Let me know if?? You would want me to elaborate with process images for any of the steps?)

The costume took me forever to make, as I've never done any machine sewing, sculpting, fabric dying or spray painting before but learning all of these was so fucking fun!! I never realised just how many different skills go into making a cosplay but it was so worth it!!!

Almost all of the clothes(except the hat) were purchased first as bases, but all of the detailing was added by me. All of the fabric used was originally just scraps that I was given for free so I needed to learn how to dye and dye all of the stars, they were originally white.

The sewing machine was its own beast that brought me tons of frustration from the lack of skill and knowledge (it was devastating to find out that 95% of fuck ups were my fault and not the machine's lmao). But as a result, a hat sewn from scratch, all of the fur trims, embroidery on the corset, stars and the collar(which is very hard to see on the pictures unfortunately) was all added manually. The stars and the stripes(on the back of the cape) were attached using heat-and-bond adhesive (I WISH I knew about such thing just when I started working on this. It would save me so much time and nerves.)

Then I found out about polymorph(mouldable plastic) and it has become the next thing I wanted to learn, to sculpt the claws and the fangs(yes, they're handmade jfksjs). The claws I then primed and painted in trillion coats because I wasn't satisfied with the colour of the spray paint. The fangs I moulded to my own teeth and then stained with tea to match the colour of my teeth :)c

As for makeup, I used Mehron Paradise water activated paints. At first I wanted to try to save money and bought myself Snazaroo instead, which unfortunately turned out to be a waste. Snazaroo didn't hold on my face for longer than 2 hours, cracking and peeling awfully. Mehron on the other hand survived 11 hours of me smiling, talking, emoting and such and didn't even crease at the smile lines(I'm actually shocked about that). It obviously works like any other makeup which means your skin texture and wrinkles won't go anywhere but Mehron's elasticity pleasantly surprised me. It did obviously smear from sweat and saliva(if you're eating and licking your lips) but if you don't touch the skin it just dries again, self setting. But if it's dry it's fully smear-proof. Highly recommend!

And last but not least, I've decided against painting my hands as it was very risky that I will stain everything I touch at the smallest hint of sweat. So instead I got myself gloves-tights(? Not sure how they're called but it's made from the same fabric as tights) and painted them with normal acrylic paint(did you know you could dye fabric with acrylic paint? I personally didn't), then heat set with an iron and voilà, they're reusable, my hands are not stained after an exhausting day and I don't stain everything I touch. It worked wonderfully which honestly was a surprise as I was really sceptical that acrylic paint will somehow stay in place.

I think this whole thing took me minimum of 6 months with big-big breaks for my school and life in general. But I'm really proud! This project taught me so many new skills and I couldn't have been happier about learning new knowledge, even if it sucked to fail in the meantime.

Everyone at the con was really nice and gave me a large confidence boost even tho it was my first time and I had no idea what I was doing. Taking photos with other people was really awkward/new for me as I hate cameras so I really had no idea how to pose/behave in front of one. But that's okay I think. This whole experience definitely made me want to do this again, so I think that will come with experience. Thank you for reading this far, hope you enjoyed this little summary :)

[heartmaddie]

kageyama tobio loves consistency, he loves the familiar fabric of a volleyball against his finger tips, he loves waking up everyday at 5:00 to run for a half hour before getting ready for school. he loves having the same breakfast everyday, he found comfort in consistency, it’s been that way since he was young. it’s not something he ever wants to change.

kageyama tobio is so infatuated with you and he doesn’t even realise it for the longest time. not even when he commutes to school with you every morning, even though it’s inconvenient to take the bus to your house first. he’ll be outside your door at 6:30 everyday, he’d rather be late for volleyball practice than not be in your presence for at least an hour in the morning light.

kageyama tobio’s favourite season is winter, he likes watching the snow fall on chilly days and he thinks that the cold air is refreshing against his skin during his morning runs, but most of all, he likes seeing you wrapped up in a woollen coat as you tightly grasp your warm cup, searching for the smallest amount of warmth as you sip on your lightly caffeinated drink to help you adjust to the morning dew.

kageyama tobio who only realised his feelings were a bit more than platonic when sugawara vaguely suggested it, “who’s that person you’re always with?” the older boy asks as he folds extra towels, “oh y/n?, they’re my friend from junior high” kageyama explains,. “they’re pretty, aren’t they?” sugawara asks, intending to tease him a bit, but kageyama continues expressionless, “i mean i guess. i remember one time we took the bus together and it was the morning, so the sun hit their face nicely and their eyes were this amber colour i’ve never seen before. i’ve felt differently about their appearance since then” and sugawara was literally like ‘wtf boy’ and explained to him what romantic feelings were 😭

kageyama tobio who shares his wired earplugs with you, standing close to you the both of you listen to some random j-soft rock song he thinks he’s niche for listening to, but he’s really not. he’s comforted when you press your shoulders up against each others so that the bud doesn’t come out.

kageyama tobio’s first time ever initiating something physical with you was when he gently laid his head on your shoulder in the privacy of his room, seeking comfort after a devastating lost from all your friends from junior high, he was a bit embarrassed from the way his heart squeezed when you wrapped your arms around his back and whispered in his ears that he’d be okay.

kageyama tobio who was surprised when you texted him and said not to pick you up today since you were a bit sickly, and he was a bit grouchy and tight because it messed up his schedule (he was worried for you and didn’t like it when you were sick). but you were even more surprised when you hear his deep voice vibrate through your room, “are you awake?” he whispers, you respond with a nod and he sighs in response.

kageyama tobio who sits nearby you, making sure to keep you on your bed as he gently places a cold towel on your forehead, making you swallow different medicines after feeding you okayu that his mother made earlier that day, he scolds you for being careless and getting sick like this.

kageyama tobio who was told by his whole volleyball team that the best way to ask someone out is proudly and with a big confession, and he was literally about to do that until that night his mother advised him to be intimate and personal while confessing, which is how he ended up in the kitchen tempering chocolate all night.

“y/n!” he says, rushing into your classroom, panting heavily so he could find you right before lunch started, your classmates were confused as he drags you right out the room and nearby the tree where you eat with him everyday.

“is something wrong?” you ask curiously, squeezing his hand as you watched him pant

“no, no.. it’s not that” he muttered, his face bright red. “let me just..” he rummages through his bag. you bite down on your lip as you try not to smile, it was endearing watching him like this.

he took a deep breath and gently placed a clear cellophane bag with a white ribbon tying it neatly together in your hands, it was filled with a couple pink and red heart shaped chocolates, causing you to flush and look up at him expectantly.

“i really like you y/n, can i be your boyfriend?”

you spent the bus home leaning on his shoulder as you quietly shared your sweets with him.

kageyama tobio whose life changed slightly everyday when you started dating officially. he liked how you’d cling onto his arm when you were cold, or every morning when he greeted you with a kiss you’d look up at him flushed with your bottom lip tucked under your teeth. he liked the small, intimate changes which occurred after he confessed to you.

tobio kageyama loved consistency, but he loved you just that much more. extra !

you're still wearing your blazer and wishing your friends goodbye as you cried, it was the end of high school after all. when the time's right, tobio's pulling you away from your friends, taking you to the tree where he confessed to you three years ago, "y/n" he mumbles into your ear as he holds you tight, basking in the last moments of high school love he'd have with you. "tobio, is something wrong?" you ask, gently pushing his raven hair out of his face as he looks down at you. "no.." he rummages through his pocket, opening your hand with his fingers and slipping his small , second black blazer button into your palm, he encloses them with his own.

"i got selected for the japan national team" he mumbles as if it was nothing, causing you gasp, "really tobio that's so exci-" he smiles into your skin, cutting you off. "come to tokyo with me, we can start our life there"

©heartmaddie all rights reserved. please do not repost my work.

[dumplingsjinson]

List of random dialogue prompts (pt. 3)

“Truth be told? I miss the times — the me — before I fell in love with you.” 

“You know, I can see myself in, on top of, or under you. What do you say?” “I can see you buried six feet under my very feet if you don’t stop joking about this shit with me.” 

“Was there a point when you fell out of love with me?” “There was a point when I fell in love with you, but never out.”

“When did you fall out of love with me?” “That’s the thing: I never fell out of love with you. You’re the one who fell out of love with me.”

“Right person, wrong time… What if this is the right time? We’re just the wrong people for each other.”

“You have me wrapped around your fingers. Crazy part is, I don’t mind it.” 

“Don’t forget this: I made you. I can easily break you if I wanted to.” 

“I shared pieces of me, with so many people, and none of them kept those pieces safe, and I don’t know if I can risk that with you because it would devastate me if you turn out to be the same as them all. I would be completely destroyed.” 

“Don’t give me that look.”

“You okay?” “No. I need hugs. From you. I need you to hug me.” 

“I just wanna fucking get over you so I can be okay again.” 

“Stop trying to remind me that you’re still in my life. I’m trying to not think about you, for God’s sake.”

“I wanna kiss you so badly right now but we’re in public and I know you hate public display of affection—“ “I’ll allow you to do it this time.” “Wait… Really?” 

“I make shitty decisions and you’re a testament to that matter.”

“I have things to do, and most of them include me trying not to think about you.”

“I’ve never cried because of someone, you know? I didn’t have anyone to cry over. You’re the first, and you’ll also be the last, or so God help me through this embarrassment.” 

“Breaking up with me does not mean you had to kick me off your Spotify playlist, you know? Because damn. As much as I’m upset, your list had some bangers.” 

“You don’t get to do decide my feelings for you.” 

“I’m not bitchless, you fucking dickhead. Take that back!” 

“Every little thing reminds me of you, which sucks because you’re not in my life anymore.”

“It’s kinda weird not seeing your name on my phone when I wake up. It’s gonna take me some time to get used to this.”

“I think I knew this wasn’t going to last when I realised it’s not that I trust you. It’s that I don’t care what you do, and who you might be fucking around with.”

“One text from you has me happier than a child whose mother bought them their favourite candy. It’s not okay.” 

“I don’t share my Spotify playlist with just anyone. It’s like a secret love language of mine, reserved for those I want to let in. You’re one of them, yet you’re here thinking I don’t feel the same way about you?”

“I dunno, I just… Kinda fell for you.”

“You’re the reason why I fell in love with you. You, as a whole.” 

“There are some songs that I can’t listen to anymore, because they remind me of you; of all the times we’ve had together. And it sucks because some of them are great songs. And you fucking ruined them, you asshole.”

“I’m tired of acting like I don’t care, because I do. I fucking do, and that’s what makes this even worse.” 

“One thing you should know about me is that I suck at letting go.”

“So you’re telling me I’m supposed to sit here and give a fuck? You couldn’t pay me enough to do that. I have places to be and things to do.” 

“You need to stop being such a dramatic bitch.” “It’s the only way I can entertain myself, okay? Now piss off and leave me be.” 

“Maybe I shouldn’t have let you go.”

“You deserve someone better than me—” “You don’t get to decide that for me.”

“You ever think about how good we could have been together?” “Yeah. I think about it all the time, and then I remember how badly you fumbled. So yeah, good job.”

“You’re blushing.” “I’m not.” “…Then I guess I’ll have to give you something to blush over.”

“I lost myself while trying to find the good in you.”

“I think it’s comforting that they’re somewhere out there… Even if we never speak again, you know? They were a part of my life, even if it was only for a little while. They made me feel good, even if it was only for a short amount of time.” 

“Remember when you said you’d catch me when I fell? Well, you’re a fucking liar. Figuratively and literally. Now I’m hospitalised and also emotionally scarred. I hope you’re fucking happy about that.” 

“If we break up, I’d look for you in other people and be reminded that they are not you, and that I’d never find someone like you again. And… I don’t think I can bear the thought of that.”

“I give you permission to break my heart.” “And I give you permission to end me if I ever do break your heart.” 

“I have things to do—“ “And I’m one of them.”

“You’re only saying sorry because you want to make yourself feel better, so you can go shove that sweet apology up your ass because it doesn’t mean shit. I hope you continue to feel like shit over what you did, because I’m never forgiving you.”

“I had expectations for someone I knew couldn’t meet those expectations, so that’s my fault for expecting anything from you at all.”

“You? Breaking my heart? It’s funny how you think you even have that power over me.”

“You were like a routine that I loved and it felt… comfortable. But I guess that’s not the case anymore.” 

“You fell in love with the idea of someone that wasn’t even real. You fell in love with your own projections. How are you so foolish to think that it would have worked out?”

“I’m fine. Of course I’m fine.” “Everything about this interaction is telling me you’re not fine — not even close.”

“The idea of us was perfect. Blame me for thinking it would turn out into something good and as fantastical as what I made it out to be in my head.”

“Because no matter what I do, I can’t stop thinking about you and it’s about to drive me to the very brink of insanity, so if you’ll excuse me for not wanting to be near you, that would great.”

“I would not be who I am today if not for you.” 

(pt 1.) | (pt. 2)

[bullet-prooflove]

At Your Alter: Frank Langdon x Reader

Tagging: @kmc1989 @julessworldd @yousigned-upforthis @travelingmypassion @julius-ceasar

Summary: You discover Frank's tattoo when you undress him for the first time.

Companion piece to:

Ivy - Frank gets a tattoo to commerate the woman he loves.

Hypocrite - Frank struggles to make amends for a past wrongs.

Crash - Almost getting you fired wasn't the lowest point of Frank's addiction.

Rock Bottom - Frank hits rock bottom when he sees the devastation his addiction's caused.

Little Black Dress - Frank starts to spiral when he realises you're dating.

Every Damn Day - A drunk text leads to a confession.

Wet Dream (NSFW) - Frank sometimes dreams about the life you had together.

War Stories - A realisation about your coping habits leads you to Frank's door.

The Three Cs - Frank and you finally discuss your issues and pave away towards the future.

The Wall - A date at the climbing wall leads to a revelation from Frank.

Commitment - You create a fun way of showing Frank your commitment to the relationship.

Prequel piece to:

All In (NSFW) - You and Frank take a big step forward.

Slut (NSFW) - Frank gets a little bratty after a bad day.

Nightmare Fuel - Frank’s been waiting for the fall to come.

Boo Fucking Hoo - Your forced to defend yourself after you’re attacked outside the hospital.

Frank has a tattoo, you don’t discover that until you’re undressing him for the first time in your bedroom. Your fingertips hook on the hem of his t-shirt, dragging it up over his head and that’s when you see it, the ivy wreath nestled in the space just above his heart.  

“Oh.” You say, your fingertips tracing over it. “When…”

“After I got sober I didn’t know if I would make it.” He tells you, his palm covering yours, clasping it to his chest. “This tattoo, it got me through some really tough times in the beginning and that’s because of you, because of your strength, your tenacity, your resilience. I remembered all of that everytime I looked in the mirror and I knew that I could be better.”

“Christ.” You murmur, tilting your head up to meet his tempestuous blue gaze. “Rehab really did change you didn’t it?”

“Yea.” He says softly. “It made me see what a selfish asshole I was, that I just kept putting myself first even before the painkillers.”

“Frank…”

“No Ivy I did. I know I did.” He whispers, his forehead coming to rest upon yours. “I’m trying to be the man that you deserve, the one you want to come home to each night. I know we are a long way from there right now but that is where I’m heading. A lifetime worshipping the ground you walk on, kneeling at your alter, giving every single part of myself to you. That’s my endgame.”

“You are making a very compelling argument for that lifetime.” You inform him, your lips brushing over that tattoo on his chest. His breath hitches, his head tipping back as your fingertips unfasten the button of his jeans. You guide the zipper down and the denim slips past his hips as you cup him through his boxer briefs. “How about I kneel at your alter and you just give me this part of you for now?”

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Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

Part one

Previously; You heard Eddie say that you weren't his type, you're devastated and decide to distance yourself, Eddie notices this and realises how much he misses you...and how much he likes you 💞

Part two warnings, Eddie making a fool of himself, the boy has a serious crush. Mutual pining, idiots to lovers.

💞💌

Now that Eddie has noticed you, it's like he can't stop. He looks out for you in the hallways, secretly hoping that you'll talk to him like you used to.

"Dude, would you go and speak to her instead of gawking at her like an idiot" Gareth snaps, Eddie throws him a dark look and looks away from you.

You're chatting to Robin animatedly and you're just mesmerising. You never opened up like that around Eddie, he's worried he's unknowingly made you nervous around him.

Gareth mentioned about the crush you had on him, was that still the case? He's frustrated because he wants to talk to you, but he feels flustered and unsure what to say.

A rarity for him according to the rest of Hellfire. Assholes. They were right though, he could run his mouth about Jason and his band of buttheads, talk for hours about D&D and heavy metal.

But how is he feeling right now around you? Well this was different. He could be shy if he was attracted to someone but he always knew what to say, even if it was some inane babbling.

Around you though he drew a blank, babbled and blushed much to the rest of the gang's amusement. Fuck they would never let their fierce dungeon master forget that you turned him to absolute mush.

If he could have one proper conversation with you before the week is out then he would be a happy man.

Seeing you being so open around Steve doesn't help either, envy claws at his insides and he feels irrationality jealous of Steve Harrington.

Gareth takes pity on Eddie's failing to talk to you and mentions about the drawings you had done for Hellfire.

"She's really good dude, maybe you could start the conversation with that" this perks Eddie up and he decides to just go for it and speak to you.

He walks over to you as you're chatting to Robin as Eddie approaches you peer up at him and smile. "Oh hi Eddie"

"Uh, hi sweetheart, Gareth says you had some drawings for Hellfire. Would you like to show me them. If you want?" He asks you. Crosses his fingers behind his back.

To his delight you agree. "Sure, I was meant to show you a little while back but uh I was busy, I'd love to show you" he gestures to you to follow him and the two of you head to the drama room where Hellfire is hosted.

Carefully you lay out your drawings on the table, you feel like your whole body is buzzing with nerves as he leans over you to take a look. His fingers caress over the drawings and he lets out a soft gasp of surprise.

Your drawings are amazing and he tells you and you beam at him, pleased that he likes them. Eddie pauses as he shifts one of the pictures away and his eyes widen, "Is that me?" he takes in the photo and you move it away mortified.

The drawing was of Eddie as the Dungeon Master but exaggerated with certain D&D elements and bats that represented one of his tattoos.

"That's an incredible drawing sweetheart" you duck your head to avoid his gaze, that familiar shyness you feel around him, coming back tenfold.

"Thanks" you murmur and you swear your heart might beat out of its chest when he moves closer to you, his breath almost tickles your neck.

"Can I keep this?" He asks and you nod feeling delighted that he likes it so much. You're still confused why he's talking to you so intently and with interest now but you put it out of your mind.

Maybe the two of you could at least be friends? It might help you finally get over him. It wasn't a foolproof plan and you could end up falling even more for him but it was worth a shot.

...

To your surprise Eddie comes over to chat to you all week at school and in Family Video, sometimes you feel like he's making excuses just to talk to you. "Someone's got a crush" Robin teases and Steve doesn't look happy as you help Robin unpack new stock.

"Took him long enough to realise it" you shake your head and ignore the butterflies in your stomach at the thought of Eddie liking you. It couldn't be true though could it?

"He doesn't, he's just interested in my drawings" you explain and you feel the brief hope you had slipping away.

"Yeah...that's totally why he's staring at you like a lovesick puppy, your drawings" Robin subtly nods over to Eddie who nearly knocks several videos over when you catch his eye. There's a sweet goofy grin on his face and a pink tingle to his cheeks.

You had never seen Eddie blush before, he was usually so confident, the blush was endearing. Wait why was he blushing? Surely it couldn't be because of you could it?

No don't be silly. He likes Megan, you're not his type. "He doesn't have a crush on me" you shake your head refusing to believe it.

Robin brightens then gently nudges you to the front of the counter. "Well, he's coming this way, so..." You smile as Eddie walks over to you and is quiet for a few seconds before he blurts out the question he's been dying to speak to you in private.

Curious at what he's going to say, you decide to take your break a little early since the store is quiet for now, you follow him outside and can't help notice how jittery he is. Why was he nervous? Did you make him nervous? The thought was a tiny bit thrilling.

Eddie seems to be struggling with what to say, you wait patiently as he takes a deep breath then it all comes out in a mumbled rush.

"Sorry, what was that Eddie?" you move closer to him, confused at what he's saying, it was all jumbled and quiet. He flushes a little bit then steels himself instantly looking determined.

"Gareth said you had a crush on me and I'm wondering if that's still true?" He blurts out and you freeze. Ah shit.

"Does it matter? You don't like me that way, I'm not your type" you wince at the sadness that colours your tone.

"You're wrong" his voice turns impossibly soft and you stare at him puzzled. You heard him say that you weren't his type.

"I heard what you said to Gareth and you were hoping Megan noticed you" you point out to him, he blushes and nods, not denying it.

"Yeah I was a dumbass, when you weren't around I missed you like crazy and realised how much I really do like you and I'm not interested in Megan, not anymore" Unbelievable, you shake your head torn between amusement and being completely stunned.

"You sure do take your time Eddie Munson" you eventually reply to him and he gives you a heartmelting smile and on an impulse you kiss his cheek, then at that moment Steve yells that your break is almost done. Great, just great.

Picking up your bag, you wave goodbye to Eddie and rush to get back inside, Eddie touches his cheek where you kissed it and a big smile breaks across his face. He's dazed and happy for a few seconds, then he comes to. "Hey, princess. Will you let me take you on a date sometime?" He yells over to you.

You peer up at Eddie through your lashes, "Sure...definitely sometime" you smile at him then turn away, try to control the fact you want to squeal out loud. You're trying to act cool and nonchalant.

Eddie who has no compunction about expressing how he feels practically struts his way back to his van. You stifle a giggle and know the sometime date will be soon, very soon.

❤️🫶

[russo-woso]

Enchanted || Alessia Russo

Based on this request here. Thank you for the idea :)

Summary Yours and Alessia’s first date

Joining Arsenal had been one of the toughest parts of your career.

You were happy playing at Manchester City but when they got a record breaking bid for you, they couldn’t say no.

You knew a few of the girls internationally, for example your Australian teammates, Steph and Caitlin.

What also helped was that one of your best friends, Kyra Cooney-Cross was also joining Arsenal.

You were even more at peace when kyra told you the news.

You and Kyra hadn’t been friends for a long time, only becoming close within the last two years whilst she’s been in the senior Team.

At camp, it was always you, Kyra and Charli, everyone knew that was the iconic trio.

So it was no surprise when Kyra also announced her move to Arsenal.

When you arrived at training for the first time, there was a group of 6 of you that had been taken to the side for a tour around the training grounds.

Arsenal had signed 6 new players over the course of the summer, one of them being a player you knew quite well.

Alessia Russo.

With you playing for Manchester City and her playing for United, it was a big deal when it came to playing each other.

The Manchester derby was a time to show off the true colour of Manchester so it was always a violent game.

Alessia was a centre forward and you were a centre back so when it came to the pitch, you were always around each other.

Every time there was a tackle, you both showed your respective, kind personalities by asking one another if you were okay.

It wasn’t a big deal and it wasn’t necessary but you both chose to do it.

You always liked Alessia, but more in a friend way.

It wasn’t until after the World Cup when that changed.

In the semi finals of the World Cup, England beat Australia 3-1, Alessia scoring the final goal.

After a moment celebrating with her teammates, Alessia walked over to you where you were sat on the floor.

You weren’t sad, in fact, you were happy.

You’d seen the growth of women’s football with your own eyes, and it was all because of the World Cup, and that made you so happy.

Of course, it was devastating being knocked out of a home World Cup, especially when you were so close to reaching the final stage, but it is what it is, and you along with your team, had put up an excellent performance over the summer.

But seeing Alessia made you even more happier.

She crouched down next to you, rubbing your back as you smiled at her.

“Thank you.” You told her, making eye contact with her.

“Don’t thank me.” She replied, and you smiled at her kindness. “Shirt swap?”

You nodded embarrassingly quickly, and you found yourself taking your shirt off and giving it to Alessia, her doing the same thing.

As you and Alessia said your goodbyes, you stopped her quickly.

“Alessia?” You shouted

“Yeah?”

“I’ll see you in London.” You smile at her, a big smile also appearing on her face.

“You will.”

That’s what lead to the moment where you actually saw her in London.

Your eyes caught hers as you were shown around the gym.

Her silhouette crosses the room over to you and you start to make a playful conversation with her.

The conversation never seemed to stop, the both of you talking about your backstories, your families, just everything.

It wasn’t until you finished the tour when you realised just how long you’d been talking for.

You noticed Alessia shy away as the tour finished, a whole comparison to the Alessia who was just talking to you.

“What’s wrong, Alessia?” You asked, worried that you’d done something wrong.

After the semi final, you realised you liked Alessia more than just a friend, and you wanted to make a really good impression during the first time you actually got to have a full conversation.

“Would you up for continuing this conversation over a coffee, or dinner. We don’t have to, it’s just—” Alessia blurted out, but you cut her off before she started rambling.

“—Of course, less, I’d love to.”

“Oh, okay.” Alessia took a breath, clearly shocked with your answer. “When are you free?”

“Tonight I’m unpacking all my boxes but tomorrow night?” You ask her, and she nods quickly.

“That’s perfect.”

“See you tomorrow, less.”

—

That same night, you couldn’t get any sleep.

It was far too difficult to get to sleep.

Question and thoughts flowed through your head non stop.

Did Alessia like you back or was she just being nice?

Do you love Alessia?

Was she even into girls?

The one thing that you couldn’t keep your mind off was the thought of Alessia being in love with someone else.

The only thing you could do was pray that Alessia wasn’t in love with someone else, that she doesn’t have somebody waiting for her.

—

The following day, was one where you wish the world could have swallowed you up.

You were so excited for your date dinner with Alessia, but the nerves of the whole thing was starting to set in.

You had a fashion emergency and had to call Kyra to come over.

You had no clue what to wear. You were originally going to wear some jeans and a crop top but you didn’t know if you liked the combination of them.

Although Kyra wasn’t the best at fashion, having someone else’s opinion always made it better.

“I like it, but it’s missing something. Here, try this on with it.” Kyra looked through your wardrobe, handing you a denim jacket.

“Thanks, Ky.”

“Now, go be yourself, enjoy yourself, and have fun.” Kyra said, and you gave her a worried look.

“I’m sorry, this isn’t the normal Kyra I know. The Kyra I know is never this mature.” You joked and she shoved you lightly.

“I’m being serious, have fun, okay? Don’t worry.”

“Thank you.” You squeezed her tight before she left the house.

It had been agreed that Alessia would pick you up and drive you to the restaurant.

When you heard a knock on the door, you took a deep breath in, before opening the door.

“Hi, less.” You welcomed, hugging her as she also said hello to you.

“You look incredible, Y/N.”

“Thank you. So do you.”

She guided you to the car, before driving to the restaurant.

On the way there and during your dinner with her, a smile never left your face.

Everything Alessia said made you so intrigued and made you fall more and more in love with her.

You and Alessia paid the bill before driving you home.

You couldn’t help but blush on the way home.

You were so caught up in wonderland that you didn’t realise the familiar driveway of your home.

“Thank you so much for tonight, lessi. It was flawless.” You said, leaning over to hug her.

“It was. We’ll do it again. See you tomorrow, Y/N.” Alessia said, and you nodded.

“See you tomorrow.”

You got out the car, grabbing your keys and walked up your driveway.

You didn’t know what to do.

You didn’t know wether to go inside or wether to turn around and smash your lips onto Alessia’s.

At the exact same time, you both shouted each others names.

Alessia had gotten out of the car and was starting to run towards you.

As you met in the middle of your driveway, Alessia grabbed you hips and your hands landed on the back of her neck.

After what felt like hours, you both leant in and your lips connected with one another’s.

You smiled into the kiss before you both broke it for air.

“It was enchanting to meet you, lessi.”

[coloursflyaway]

i'm finally going through the comments on heaven to no one else but me (i'm so sorry for the delay, btw, but i was gone over the weekend and you guys were SO sweet that i wanted to take the time to reread everything and make sure i'd respond properly) and i just had A Thought.

i've been putting charles through the ringer lately, which i love doing, because that boy suffers so prettily. but how about a fic in which through magical hijinks charles loses his memory, and edwin is the one left behind?

and charles is like he always is, which is bright and happy and clever and wonderful, and he takes to edwin like he did last time ("so we're best friends? that's pretty cool, i never thought i'd get a best friend this clever! how do you put up with me?") and he's the same, but also, he's not.

because all the time they had together changed charles, just like they changed edwin, and there is something impossibly nostalgic about seeing charles like this, like a snapshot of thirty years ago, but at the same time, it's the most painful experience of edwin's life, because charles has forgotten everything about what made them them.

the synergy isn't there anymore, the ease they usually move with together, the references to older cases and the inside jokes they have.

one time, edwin holds out his hand on instinct; charles asks, "huh? what do you need?" instead of putting their magic screwdriver into it.

edwin doesn't do it a second time.

and there is a beauty, maybe, in watching charles get to know him again, but god, it breaks edwin's heart every second of the way.

and they go through remedy after remedy and nothing works, and edwin has to face the possibility that he might still have a best friend, but he'll never get His Best Friend back, and it's not enough to destroy him, because charles is still there, but god, it is close.

(charles, at the same time, is baffled by everything edwin knows about him and how close they must have been and is this really everything, is edwin keeping something from him? did they - he can hardly think it, because surely it can't be true, this doesn't happen to him, he's not worth of this happening to him - kiss? is this why edwin looks at him so dejectedly when he thinks charles doesn't notice?)

and charles keeps asking questions, like he is trying to figure something out, until one day, he kisses edwin. straight on the lips, a hint of a question in the curve of his mouth, and edwin is both overwhelmed and devastated, because this is what he had been hoping for before charles had lost his memory, and yet he cannot enjoy it now, because it's not His Charles; and yet he cannot pull away, because it is Still Charles and edwin loves him in any way he can.

it feels like cheating somehow, but what if he'll never get charles back, what if this is all that is left of their friendship now?

so he kisses back anyway, and when charles smiles against his lips, edwin thinks maybe, just maybe, it could be okay.

only that a few days, or maybe a few weeks later, something happens and charles suddenly looks at him and he's Back, edwin can see it in his eyes, and -

-and how can he explain this to charles now, that he let himself be kissed by charles when he was not himself, how can he look charles in the eyes when he knows that he has taken advantage of him like this, has he gotten his best friend back now only to lose him again because he couldn't control himself around charles and-

-and charles smiles at him, says, "hi. good to be back. i missed you."

and he takes edwin's hand, who still cannot speak, cannot think, and presses a kiss to the back of it.

"guess i just had to start all over again to realise i could absolutely fall in love with you, huh?" he says, and he looks at edwin like he used to a week ago, like he used to a decade ago, and edwin is crying before he knows it, fingers curling around charles' to hold onto him.

"did you?", he asks, and charles just laughs, sweet and happy and safe.

"oh absolutely. although i think i might have started thirty-odd years ago."

[norrisreads]

illicit affairs #CL16 #MS47

PAIRING: charles leclerc x ex-gf reader! mick schumacher x reader!

SUMMARY: he was once the man you’ve always dreamed of, until one day a decision made drunkenly by him made you realised you were never the chosen one

WARNING: angst + cheating, fluff at the end

masterlists

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

2018

being in a relationship has it’s ups and downs, not everyday is full of smiles and laughters, some times it’s deadly silence just like the situation right now between you and charles

you were in a relationship with charles leclerc eversince 2016, you’ve seen him won the formula 2 championship, jumping to formula 1, you were there when he went through hard times, there were days you had to put him over yourself and you’ve never once regretted it.

But here you are, in a relationship that’s full of rocky roads. Charles and you met through his younger brother arthur, you were just a year older than Arthur, and the both of you used to hangout at the leclerc’s apartment daily as the both of you were and still has a close friendship. Arthur had given an advice to you in the early stages of dating with his brother, an advice you should’ve listen clearly.

“i’ll pack my things later, and i’m moving out tomorrow charles” the both of you is currently in the kitchen, you sitting down sipping on your warm honey lemon tea and him just munching down on the breakfast you’ve made for him

“i’m sorry, i swear i do not know what came on to me. she just happened to be there, i should have pushed her, cherie” you heard the metal fork cling as it came in contact with the marble counter top, you refused to believe the news that was trending everywhere

Formula One driver Charles Leclerc caught cheating on his fiancé, y/n l/n last night

When you were woken up by Arthur calls, you were confused of course until you clicked on the link that was send to you from Arthur. Ironically last night, you were on the call with him frantically worrying on Charles whereabouts, other than being woken up by Arthur’s morning calls, you were greeted by the sight of Charles sprawled out on the sofa in the living room.

All the times you were asking for signs if he was made for you, and even though the news did broke your heart, it showed the truth to you and made you realise that you wouldn’t want to spend your precious moments crying and fixing a relationship that is probably isn’t even worth it anymore.

“Sorry doesn’t fix the heartache i woke up to this morning, Charles. If this relationship isn’t worth the fight for you, you could have ask for a break and not cheat on me with someone else. That is so low of you, you knew how cheating affects me, you promised you will never do what he did and here you are proving me wrong”

“i know mon cherie, i am aware and i am so sorry. all i can do right now is to apologise to you, i am so sorry. i love you, i really do. you’ll always be the person my heart beats for cherie, please listen to me” you could hear Charles footsteps approaching you

“sometimes i wish you are able to see how much i sacrifice myself for you, when you were devastated from losing races, i would drop every single thing i was doing and run to you, calm you down.” you could feel tears running down your cheeks, reminiscing the memories the both of you have made together, from bad memories to good memories

“i supported you in every races no matter how exhausted i was, i would pray everyday that you wouldn’t crash and hurt yourself or blame yourself. I had to turn down job offers because i know that i am your number one support system, and i’ll always have to be there” his hand reached yours and tightly gripping it not letting you go

“but I’m exhausted Charles, I’m exhausted that i am always the one putting so much more effort in the relationship, i know you’re fighting for your dreams but what about mine? You’ve never asked about it, i know so much of you yet you know so little of me. I’m sorry Charles, if this happened a year ago, i would have accepted you back in my life but i’m not her anymore.” you let go of his hand, walking to the sink of the shared kitchen and washed the mug

Charles of course had nothing to say because he knew how badly he has been treating you, especially when whatever you’ve spilled your hearts out were accurate, he knew too little of you.

“where are you going to stay, will you be at Arthur’s ?”

“i will crash over at Arthur’s until i found a place, you shouldn’t be concerned where i am staying, be more concerned with Arthur, he’s fuming Charles. He’s your brother, fix the relationship”

with that, you walked to the shared room and started packing your items while Charles left the house to give you space.

what Charles doesn’t know is that you had been blessed with a gift, but for now that is just for you to know.

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

2021

Just 2 and a half years ago, on the 14th of February 2019, your baby girl was born into the world. Of course, Arthur, Pascale and Lorenzo knew about the pregnancy and promised to keep it a secret from him.

When you left the house, you were 2 weeks pregnant, you managed to settle in to an apartment nearby Arthur’s apartment due to safety reasons. You were glad that you’ve rarely bumped into Charles, because as of now you’re unsure if you would wanna let Charles know of the child that the both of you shared.

Pascale would constantly come over to provide assistance and you were glad she was there for you even when you aren’t apart of the family anymore.

Just a year after you’ve left, Charles had gotten in-to a relationship, Arthur would always talk to you about how she wasn’t you and it’ll end with you lecturing him on how he should’ve been happy for his brother instead of hating his relationship.

“she’s not you, y/n. she’s just so different” Arthur shouted across the living room while entertaining your daughter, Valentiné Aurore Hervé Leclerc.

Your lovely 2 and a half years old babygirl, Valentiné Aurore Hervé Leclerc, is the greatest gift to you, she was your strength and the reason you are still in this world.

Of course, you did struggled being a single parent but the support you’ve received from your family, friends and his family was never-ending.

“don’t say that thur, i’m sure she’s great and just shy. he’s happy, let him be thur” you lightly hit the back of Arthur’s head

“look baby val, your mum just hit me on the head” all val did was laughed and continued playing with the toys Enzo had gifted, with the exact same eye-smile Charles had

“would you ever let Charles know about val?” Arthur asked, taking a seat beside you

“of course, i wouldn’t mind because val deserves to know his dad too” you smiled while looking at your baby-girl playing

“though i prefer Charles to just be an uncle, rather than a dad. Furthermore she loves the existence of him, sooner or later she’s gonna call him papa”

“I’m glad you’ve found someone that truly treasure you, he’s a great person though you have to seriously stop dating drivers.”

the both of you laughed, and as you were speaking about him, you heard the keypad of your house door being key-ed in and just a minute later the door of your house opened.

“miiiiiicckkkkkkkkyyy” val dropped her toys and ran to mick.

mick placed his items on the counter top and picked up val, “how’s my favourite girl doing?” while giving kisses to your baby-girl

mick walked towards you and Arthur, “ thanks thur for your help, you’ve been nothing but nice to us”

“it’s alright mick, though i’ll prefer you to be away so val will start loving me more” arthur joked knowing before mick came into val’s life, arthur was her favourite uncle

“hello baby, I dropped by the restaurant and bought the soup that you were craving for, i hope it’s still hot though” Mick gave you a forehead kiss while holding val on the other arm of his.

Thur picked up his bags and said his goodbyes.

you are currently dating Mick Schumacher, the relationship has been since end 2020, you’ve met him when you were working at your cafe and happened to serve him and he happened to take a liking towards you. Mick knew of Charles and you history and have assured you that he does not really mind and he truly appreciate both val and you.

When val turned two years old, mick had brought her to one of val’s biggest dream place ever as all other kids calls it, Disneyland and spend the whole day with her and you’ve could see the look on val’s face that only lights up when she’s around Mick and realised that this was the man that you would want to build up your future with.

Charles knew about your relationship, with the presence of you you standing beside mick supporting him during the races.

You weren’t always there for the races but since it was mick’s first few races, you wanted it to be special for the both of you. Val was sleeping over at your best friend for the day, inviting her would’ve caused a huge mess between the both of you especially with the first glance of your daughter, anyone could tell she is related to Charles Leclerc.

Of course it was a surprise to him, leading him to text Arthur right after the both of you had a 5 minute conversation together.

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

2022 MONACO GP

“okay baby, stay by mama and don’t run anywhere else okay? papa is gonna be busy for a while and you’ll able to see him on this track” you were instructing val to not run away, val has turned out to be a daddy’s girl ever-since Mick came in-to her life, being away from Mick for a few days was torture to her(us), face-timing was the usuals for the three of us.

of course, hiding val on the way to the paddock was hard enough, you had to ask gina’s help which she did assist in and came by earlier than you and Mick in order to avoid the assumptions.

“but will papa see me here? will he wave at me and you, mama?”

you’re now carrying your daughter on your other arm, while she’s fidgeting with the lanyards around her neck.

“i’m not sure baby, papa’s car pass by super fast val. they’re faster than the cars we have at home,baby”

val nods her head and snuggled her head onto your neck, signalling that she was sleepy.

“baby, you sleepy? wanna head back to the room?” she agreed as she had spend her afternoon nap being awake following Mick around everywhere.

On the way to the haas paddock club, you were on your phone, single handedly texting gina if she could bring out the blankets that was in your bag as she was still at the club waiting for Mick’s team meeting to be done.

until you bumped on-to someone, and that someone just happened to be him.

just when you’re holding your daughter, what a great timing

“mama, why stop?” Val’s rubbing her eyes wondering and snuggling back on to your neck

“a moment baby, just get back to sleeping okay?” rubbing val’s back soothing her down to get her back to sleeping.

Charles was shocked yet confused on why you’re holding a child and the said child was calling you mama. Charles knew your relationship with Mick had just been ongoing for 3 years and he knew that the little girl that you were carrying is more than 3 years old, but what he didn’t know was that the little girl on your arm was his own daughter that he had no clue off.

“y/n, you’ve never told me you had a daughter?” charles stopped in his tracks and you could see behind him was arthur and lorenzo, with a shocked face.

“oh look charles, you’re late to your team meeting. Let’s go carlos is probably finding for you” enzo distracting him, but it was no help because he was still there staring at you and your daughter.

at this point you were looking at arthur for help but from the facial expression on arthur’s you knew he had zero plans to back you up.

“yeah haha it’s something i’ve kept private” you tried to walk away but he stopped you and take a look at val’s lanyard that was around her neck.

and one thing you didn’t realise was mick had given the staffs val’s full name to print out on her paddock pass, and that is when charles realised he has a daughter.

“valentiné aurore herve leclerc?”

oh yeah we are so fuck, by we it’s lorenzo, arthur and i.

you were looking at arthur and lorenzo with wide eyes.

“the both of you are aware of this?” charles turned to both of them and questioned the both of his brothers with disbelief

“it’s not their fault, i made them promised to not tell anyone”

“why didn’t you tell me? i am her father” at this point you could see people were curious on the conversation that was happening, because why would mick’s current girlfriend be seen having an intense conversation with Charles Leclerc?

“let’s talk later, she needs her nap. i’ll come over to arthur’s apartment and explain everything ” and charles knew that tone of your voice, the one where you would always use when you’re anxious or nervous and charles agreed on meeting you at arthur’s apartment

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

ARTHUR’S APARTMENT

Mick knew what had happened when you bumped you onto Charles, Mick wanted to accompany the both of you to Arthur’s apartment and be there for you while you explained things to Charles, and of course you agreed.

You knocked Arthur’s door, and you were greeted by pascale.

“i’m sorry darling, I tried but he was too persistent” she apologised to you, holding your hand giving you comfort

“it’s fine, it’s time i guess” you smiled at her

when you’ve reached Arthur’s living room you could feel the tension between the three brothers, you took a seat beside Arthur and Val automatically went to Arthur’s Lap.

Mick sat beside you, rubbing your back, calming down your nerves.

“val baby, come to papa. don’t bother uncle thur” mick called out to your daughter which she listened and walked over to Mick’s lap and mick carried her to arthur’s guest room which pascale followed behind.

Charles cleared his throat, “tell me from the start”

“when we broke off and i left, i found out I was 2 weeks pregnant”

“and you didn’t think of telling me?”

“it was hard Charles, i didn’t want you to stay with me just because i was carrying your daughter”

“continue” charles head in his hand, stressing over this situation

“i kept it of course as you can see, but please don’t blame it on lorenzo and arthur. i’ve made them swore they wouldn’t tell you, i didn’t wanna ruin your career. I was gonna tell you, just not now. I was thinking of telling you when val’s gonna understand the situation more. Mick knows about us and he was there for me for everything”

“I could’ve helped you, y/n. as a friend I could’ve helped you. she has my dna, she’s mine, i deserve to be in her life too, does she know?”

“she knows her father’s absence in her life, but she doesn’t know it’s you. we’ve never really talked about it”

“why the name? why did you used my last name, if you didn’t want me to be in her life y/n?”

“She’s apart of you, of course i had to include that and she looks exactly like you, no matter how much i refuse to believe’s she from you i had to accept it”

Charles walked over and sat beside you and held your hand.

“please let me be in her life. not as a father but as someone she deserves to know. i don’t mind Mick being her father, he deserves that title, but just let me be in my daughter’s life”

you agreed to charles, because as much as you disliked Charles, you didn’t want your daughter to grow up not knowing how does her biological dad looks like and starts questioning if she ever did something wrong.

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

2023

Charles took the time to get to know val more, Mick and you would allow Charles over to let him have his own time with his daughter or they would sometimes have a day to their own.

Val knew who charles were but wasn’t really keen in calling him papa, as for the past few years Mick was more of a father figure to her rather than Charles.

As much as Charles was disappointed, he understood where she was coming from but he was glad Val had accepted him in her life not as a father but as some she would like to keep close contact with.

As for you, you’ve still kept the news of you having a child private, though there were rumours speculating around which you didn’t really pay attention to but you felt that it wasn’t a need for you to go public that you had a love child with their favourite driver.

Mick’s gotten signed to Mercedes and since he was a reserve driver, he would spend most of the time at the paddock with val and val has never been much more happier being close to her papa.

She would sometimes be in the Ferrari’s building or Mercedes’. Of course other than P, and the other driver’s children’s, val is currently the favourite especially amongst Charles and Mick’s circles of friends.

You were glad that the heavy weight on your shoulders was lifted off. Though, it took you a while to let Charles know about val, it’s all sorted out and you’re glad.

—✩࿐ end note: thanks for reading! wanted to end it off more angst less fluff but dad! mick just warms my heart, i’m still finding for good ig post templates or twitter templates! other than that, i hope you enjoyed reading! ♥️

[tldrthor]

Come find me - peter parker x avenger!female!reader

Part two to promises, oceans deep // we both did the best we could do underneath the same moon, and in different galaxies // based on the song 'Peter' by Taylor Swift

Summary: you thought you would get over him, but you never did. It takes getting hurt, and Cap looking out for you, for you to finally get your head straight.

Author's notes: I ignore a lot of post-endgame stuff. Steve never left, Wanda isn't evil, Peter was never forgotten. I've left reader and Peter's ages semi-ambiguous, so you can decide for yourself what age you think is appropriate!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me.

Peter opened his eyes slowly, the light streaming in from the window attacking them. He must have fallen asleep without closing the curtains last night. As he came to, he realised what day it was. And a chill ran through his body.

"Peter!" May called. "Peter, get up! We're going to be late!" She rushed into the room, her nose curling up in disgust at presumably, the smell of depressed teenage boy. "God, we have to open a window in here. It's toxic."

He huffed, and rolled away from her. "May, I don't want to go." He had spoken about this with her already. He knew that Ned and MJ were going, but he didn't want to. He couldn't go, when she wasn't going to be there.

"Is it because of (y/n)?" May's voice was soft, gentle. Like she was talking to a scared, little animal. He hated the pity laced in her words. "I'm sorry she's not going to be there sweetheart, you know she's got a lot going on with rebuilding the Avengers."

You said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me.

He swallowed, sadness crossing his face, but May didn't see it. "She's avoiding me, anyways."

Words from the mouths of babes, promises, oceans deep. But never to keep. Oh, never to keep.

May didn't say anything to Peter, but she thought it was for the best. She knew how devastating it was, for both of you, to come back to see one of you had kept moving, while the other stayed in place. She saw, in the few weeks following the battle at the compound, how you looked like you was going to be sick every time you were around Peter.

She saw how you barely talked, barely smiled, barely did anything.

She hadn't been around for the five long years between the snaps, but from what she talked about with Captain Rogers, you had taken the losses particularly badly.

Snapping back to the present, she looked at Peter and wondered if you would ever find your way back to one another. She made a mental note to ask Steve how you were doing when she saw him later.

"Let's go, come on." She held his shoulder and gave it a shake. "Your parent's would've killed me if I ever let you skip your graduation."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The day was a blur. MJ and Ned gave him a hug on arrival, knowing that he didn't want to be here. All he could feel was the loss sitting heavy on his chest. Tony wasn't here. Natasha wasn't here. His parents weren't here. Uncle Ben. You.

There were photos and smiles and drinks. He forced himself to get through it, for May, if nothing else.

Steve gave him a big hug as soon as he saw him, knowing that he was a poor replacement for who Peter really wanted to see. "Hey! Congratulations, Pete!" He gave him a signature pat on the shoulder as Peter muttered a 'thanks, cap' back at him. Steve continued; "(y/n) sends her regards, she's sorry she couldn't come."

Peter bitterly thought that Steve was just telling him what he wanted to hear. He knew that if you wanted to be here, you would have made it happen. He wanted to be mad... but he knew this day would be too painful for you, too.

I won't confess that I waited, but I let the lamp burn. As the men masqueraded, I hoped you'd return.

At dinner, he was distracted. MJ and Ned were talking about the latest political news -- MJ talked about some senators voting record, while Ned relayed funny memes he had found on instagram about her. This obviously descended into chaos.

Peter was more interested in the conversation going on at the other end of the table, between May and Steve.

"So tell me, how is (y/n)?" May asked, looking at your guardian.

He looked almost... resigned. He breathed out, worry lines creasing his forehead. Peter could nearly feel the worry radiating off of him. "She's doing... okay. She's throwing herself into work at the moment, somewhere in Europe. It's all tightly under wraps, but she's an amazing agent these days."

May smiled, weakly. She knew that an avenger 'throwing themselves into work' was a worrying symptom of an emotional storm. She could see it in her own kid.

"Well, tell her we were asking for her when you talk to her next."

"I will. Thanks, May."

Peter had to know more. It was like a burning, aching in his chest. He watched as Steve silently ate his pasta, something - you - on his mind. He knew Steve hadn't said everything to May. Peter longed for the days where he would've known what you were up to.

"Pete, will you tell him to not infantilise politicians!" MJ finally snapped him out of it. Ned laughed at her outburst.

Peter snapped his head back to them. "Yeah, yeah. Ned, it's like... not good for democracy. Or whatever." He felt bad actually, because it was a good point. He just didn't have the energy to back her up right now.

"Ugh! They are employed for us." She groaned.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Peter's back was aching. He stretched it out, trying to power through the ache that came with changing position. Shit, he looked at the clock. It was 3am, and he had been sitting working on this assignment for way, way longer than he anticipated.

Just as he stood up to get ready for bed, his phone flashed, illuminating the room.

"What. the. hell." He said to no one. It was a text from you. God, he hadn't even seen you in more than a year now. Whenever you returned from the top-secret missions you were sent on, you were always mysteriously busy whenever Pete was free, or around. He knew you stayed at Cap's new townhouse in Brooklyn with him, but every time Peter went around, you had always just left. And every single time, Steve gave him a pitying smile while informing him that you had really urgent business to return to, but you were really sorry to miss him.

Are you up?

The text message read. Peter felt like he went through all the stages of grief reading it. He opened it immediately, cursing and praying to Jesus that he didn't have read receipts on. He hurriedly swiped off the message app when the typing bubble came up again.

Not a booty call, I promise.

He almost laughed at that. Almost.

Yeah, are you okay? He replied.

As soon as he had sent it, there was a tap tap tap at the window. He froze for a moment, his heart beat reaching an almost crescendo.

And then, he was moving.

He ripped back the curtain, threw open the window. And there you were. Hunched in the darkness of the fire escape, in a way that immediately, Peter knew something was wrong.

"(y/n)? What are you doing - are you hurt?" He watched as you moved at a near snail's pace from the way you were uncomfortably slumped on the fire escape to enter his room.

The light barely lit up the soft, painful smile as you looked up at him. "Hi, Pete." There was almost a slur in your words. Peter's eyebrows knitted together in both confusion and concern. His arms found your waist as he supported you in moving in through the window and to his bed.

Once you were settled, he strode across the room and flicked the small lamp on. He did not like what he saw.

Although your suit was black, he could tell that it was nearly soaked through with blood. Your nose was trickling blood steadily, and there was a large patch of crimson next to your ear, on your hairline. The skin he could see was littered with bruises even where it wasn't streaked with blood.

"Shit, (y/n)." He dove under his bed, to where he kept the first aid stuff from when he went out patrolling. He ran his hands through it, quickly finding suture material and bandages.

Thank god he had restocked recently, or you could've been in serious trouble. To be honest, you were in trouble either way.

He tried to triage your wounds. From what he could tell, the gash on your side that you were holding seemed to be where a lot of the blood on your torso was coming from. "You're, uhh... going to have to take off your suit, so I can see the damage."

He flushed as he said it. And he swore that he could see your face getting warmer, too. But he was so preoccupied on, you know, not letting you die, that he didn't properly register it.

"Sure, yeah." You reached your arm around to the zip, but as you moved your wounds screamed in pain. You hissed through your teeth and swore, quietly. You were all too aware that May was probably sleeping in the room next door, and you had to be quiet.

Peter reached out, "Let me help," He spoke under his breath. He unzipped you and you slowly shuffled off your suit, wearing some gym shorts and a sports bra underneath.

With the suit off, Peter could see exactly the kind of state you were in. Not only from the fight you had obviously been in, but you also looked unhealthy, almost weak. He remembered a you that always looked so strong, sturdy. This wasn't the person he was seeing in front of him now.

There were scars that were recent but clearly had begun to heal, there was bruises over every part of your body. The biggest gash on your side oozed thick, maroon blood. Looking at your face, he could see that your cheekbones were nearly hollow, your eyes sunken, and the bags under them unmistakeable.

Nothing like the bright-eyed, bushy-tailed teenager he used to love.

"What happened?" He looked into your eyes as he began to tend to the wounds. Which was difficult, considering you were more wound than human at this point. He cleaned up around you gash, and then muttered 'this is going to hurt' as he began to exhibit the skills you had learned from Steve's mandatory 'basic field medicine' course a few years back.

"Ow, fuck." You mumbled, your voice strained. "I got into a fight."

"Well, yeah. I had actually figured that one out." He didn't look at you for concentrating on stitching. "A little more explanation would be good."

You breathed out slowly through the pain. "Okay, I got into a big fight."

He rolled his eyes. He clearly wasn't going to get very much information from you.

"Was it a mission?" He asked.

"No, it was - jesus." You cursed once again. It was really hard to talk while someone was continuously piercing a needle into your abdomen. "Extracurricular, you could say."

He looked up. "(y/n), this doesn't look like just a quick neighbourhood patrol." He knew you were keeping information from him because you thought he wouldn't approve.

"Why did you come here?"

You broke his eye contact. "I was nearby, and Brooklyn is a hell of a trek when you can't swing through the city." He nodded, it was a logical answer. He would always welcome you here, no matter what happened between you guys personally. He was glad you seemed to know that. "And... Cap can't know about this."

Peter's concern seemed to grow with everything you said, and you could clearly see it on his face.

"Please, Peter... He's worried already, I know it. And he's semi-retired, he deserves to rest without worrying about me." You pleaded.

He was slow to accept what you were saying. "But he's practically your dad, (y/n), he raised you. You don't think he would want to know that you're injured? Badly injured, might I add. I don't think this is even something our medical training can cover..."

You raised an eyebrow. "So, you tell Aunt May every time you get hurt?"

"Well, I've not been hurt as badly as you have."

"And if you were, you would tell her?"

He broke eye contact, and looked away. You didn't have to acknowledge out loud that he knew you were right.

With your feet on the ground, tell me all that you learned. 'Cause loves never lost when perspective is earned.

The silence that hung in the air was an awkward one. It suddenly caught up to you both, what was happening. Sitting in your shorts and sports bra, on the boy you used to date's bed. The same boy you had successfully managed to avoid for the best part of a year -- with the exception of Steve's christmas party last year. Just thinking about the awkward, heart-achy small talk made a shiver roll down your spine.

"Do you want to stay here?"

The question felt loaded. Want? Need? The lines were blurred.

"If... that's okay? I can't go back to Steve's like this."

He nodded. "You know you're always welcome here. You take the bottom bunk, obviously.” He smiled.

These bunk beds used to annoy the hell out of the both of you. You just wanted to sleep wrapped in each other’s arms, but May and Cap had insisted that if you were going to stay round, it had to be bunk beds. And the door had to stay open.

The nostalgia made your eyes sting. It didn’t take a lot to do that these days, to be fair.

Peter jumped into the top bunk, and switched the light off. “Goodnight, (y/n).” He whispered, softly, to the darkness.

“Night, Pete.” You muttered in return.

———————————————————————

That night was the best sleep you’ve had since… hell, you couldn’t even remember when. It was probably the blood loss, or…

No, it was definitely the blood loss. For sure.

A sweet scent caught your attention as you adjusted your eyes to the sunlight filtering through the moth-eaten curtains. And the noise… music, clanging of pots, mumbling.

You checked your phone. “Well, shit.”

7.24am. 38 missed calls from “Cap 🦅🫡”.

There were texts as well.

2am: Everything okay? When should I expect you back?

2.24am: Sweetheart?

3.46am: (y/n), I’m getting worried, what’s going on?

4am: Okay, stop playing now. Call me.

6am: You’re in big trouble if this isn’t an emergency, kid.

Shit, shit, shit.

You jolted up, immediately letting out a yelp of pain as you remembered exactly why you were here in the first place. Fuck.

You pressed your hand to your stomach, with a little blood coming away with your hand. Shoddy workmanship, you laughed. You would have to sort it later.

Pulling on your suit from yesterday - thankfully, the blood stains blended in with the dark material - you realised getting home inconspicuously wasn’t going to be super easy. You listened to whatever was going on in the kitchen, the music that you recognised from when you and Peter were together. It all felt so familiar. Too familiar.

And you said you’d come and get me but you were 25, and the shelf life of those fantasies had expired. Lost to the lost boys chapter of your life, Forgive me Peter, please know that I tried to hold on, to the days where you were mine.

You weren’t proud of it, but you opened the window, and climbed out.

You didn’t see Peter’s face fall when he returned to the room, with a stack of pancakes in one hand and a cup of tea in the other. You didn’t see him stare at the smiley face made of whipped cream, mutter “I’m an idiot” and throw the stack away.

You didn’t see the tears fall.

———————————————————————

The aches and pains that pulsed through your body only grew worse the closer you got to Cap’s house. Climbing the stairs felt like a mammoth task, but as you got to the top and put your key in, the door opened -

He was mad mad. You stood in a sort of pseudo-staring contest for what felt like a long time, unsure whether or not it would be appropriate to look away. His eyebrows were furrowed further than you had ever seen, bags under his eyes larger than they had been for a long time.

“Get inside.” He borderline hissed at you. You didn’t respond, just walked. Slowly, subconsciously covering your bleeding side with your arm.

As you walked into the living room, familiar voices greeted you.

“What time do you call this?” Bucky stood by the fireplace, his arms crossed.

Sam sat on the couch in front of him, nursing a cup of coffee. Coffee so strong, you could smell it from the other side of the room. “You look like shit.”

You looked down. “Sorry, guys. I didn’t mean to worry anyone.”

Steve put a firm hand on your shoulder. Still wordless. He pushed you towards the couch, and then down onto it.

He sat next to Sam on the one opposite, Bucky moving to sit on the other side of him. It felt like a judging panel. You supposed that’s exactly what it was.

“Explain.” Steve started. His gaze not becoming any kinder as he looked at you.

“I was with a friend-” You started.

“Which one?” Steve asked, pointedly.

You swallowed. “Um,”

“You’re lying, (y/n).” He folded his arms and leaned back. “I phoned all of your friends, you weren’t with any of them. You said to Sam after training yesterday that you were heading straight home, and here you waltz in nearly 12 hours later. Tell the truth.”

“Fine.” You sighed. You knew he was telling the truth, there was no point trying to call his bluff. “I was at Peter’s.”

You watched every one of them raise an eyebrow at the same time, nearly comedically timed. Steve sat forward in his seat.

“Parker’s? Why?” He tilted his head at you. You were glad that the anger seemed to have somewhat subsided, but you weren’t in the clear yet.

You swallowed. “I, uh…”

Sam started laughing. “Oh my god, (y/n)… you dog!” He looked at Bucky and Steve, who painfully slowly caught on to what he was referring to.

“No! No, no. No. Not that, it wasn’t like that.” You felt the heat in your cheeks and prayed that it wasn’t showing to them too, although something in Sam’s gleeful expression, Steve’s embarrassed blush and Bucky’s quiet enjoyment of the situation suggested otherwise.

“(y/n), I’m at a loss right now.” Steve shook his head. “I don’t understand. Lately, you’ve been disappearing, being secretive - I mean, last I heard you didn’t want to be around Pete at all. And now you stayed at his with no explanation whatsoever, when we were all out looking for you last night?”

Your heart sank, thinking of them worried and out on the streets looking for you. You never could lie to them for long - you should just come clean.

You gave a big sigh. “I got hurt while trying to stop a robbery in Queens, and I didn’t know where else to go.”

With that, they all sat up straight. Grim expressions replaced the more relaxed ones that you had fought so hard to keep.

“Hurt? Where?” Steve immediately stood up from his spot and marched over to your couch, scanning you over with his eyes.

You pulled your hand away from the side, where it had stayed for the duration of this interrogation. It was covered in blood.

All three men immediately jumped into action upon seeing the blood. "Woah!" Sam shouted, running for the extensive medical kit Steve kept in the kitchen.

Steve knitted his eyebrows together while putting his arm around you, looking into your eyes, presumably looking for any sort of concussion or mental delay. "You've been sitting here bleeding this whole time?" He sighed, and then sort of mumbled under his breath, "What is going on with you?"

Bucky grabbed a can of coke from the fridge and brought it over to you. "Drink it, you need sugar." You could tell from his tone that he was annoyed.

"Thanks, Buck." You whispered in return.

You watched your adoptive father's worried expression as he looked at the wounds you had sustained, and the haphazard stitches that Peter had put in last night (and the blood coming through them where they hadn't been done properly).

He fixed you, properly, and bandaged the stitches just to be sure. Sam and Bucky hand him things, making jokes occasionally that you smile at, but it does nothing to improve the cloudy look in Steve's eyes.

"Guys, can you give us a second." He ushers Bucky and Sam out of the room. Sam gets up and leads Bucky away, who still looked furious. You knew he probably wasn't this pissed off at you, and rather the people who had hurt you, but you couldn't be entirely sure. Once you're alone, Cap comes and sits next to you on the couch. "Do you have wounds anywhere else?"

You shake your head. "Just bruises and minor cuts, nothing big."

"Okay," He pursed his lips. "Let's talk then."

You avoided meeting his eyes.

"Tell me what's going on, in there." He tapped the side of your head, just like he used to do when you were a teenager at the Compound upstate. Before everyone came back.

You sighed. "I feel like an asshole." He put a friendly hand on your shoulder. "I'm really sorry for worrying you, and Sam and Bucky. I'm trying not to do that, at all. That's why I didn't come back last night."

He sighs. "Sweetheart, you should never be worrying about me. It's my job to worry about you." He puts a loving arm round your shoulder.

He took a second, considering what he was going to say before continuing, "You've not been the same since the Blip, and I know it's hard. But you have to start living again." It was nothing he hadn't said before.

"But I don't really... have anything other than work. Keeping people safe."

"Hey, hey. That's not true. You have us. You know we're your family."

"Yeah, no... I know. But I just... my friends were all blipped, and Peter..." You felt a tear spring to your eye. It had been a while since you had cried about it. "I've not felt normal since they left, and then when they came back... and I was so much older."

He rubbed your back as he watched a single tear fall.

"(y/n), Peter is older now, too. And I know he never got over you, either... why don't you talk to him?"

"I think I might have burned the bridge, Cap. I snuck out the window this morning while I think he was making breakfast."

He gave you a disapproving look that made you feel like a child being scolded. "That's not very nice, kid. I think you should chat to him."

"Yeah, I guess so." You moved to get up from the couch, but sat right back down when a shooting pain radiated up nearly your entire body. "Shit."

"Hey, hey! Sit down!" Steve pushed you back down. "On second thoughts, why don't you invite him and May round for dinner? You're not going anywhere, kid."

"Yeah, that sounds better." You laughed, meekly. "Although I have to shower..."

"I'll call Wanda to help you out with that." His quick, embarrassed tone made you laugh.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey, there she is!" Sam shouted as you walked back into the kitchen where they were diligently making dinner. Wanda walked past you to the fridge, pulling out a soda. "How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Better, thanks Sam." He nodded in approval at your response.

"You look better, you know that. You looked like death warmed up earlier, and that's not even an exaggeration." You rolled your eyes at him, "You've even managed to dress nice for the occasion! It's been a while since I've seen you in anything but sweats." You pushed his shoulder, stopping the incessant chatter.

Bucky threw an arm around your shoulder. "You're a chip off the old block, y'know. Just like Stevie." You watched as it was Steve's turn to roll his eyes at his friend's antics.

The doorbell rang through the house, ending the moment. Your heart thudded in your chest, a wave of nausea overtaking your stomach. "That'll be May and Peter, I'll grab the door." Steve gave you a knowing look, like he could read your mind. "Are you going to be okay?"

You nodded, slowly, taking deep breaths. Wanda slung her arms over your shoulder, whispering "you're going to be just fine." She pressed a kiss to your cheek.

"Hi, Steve," May Parker's soothing voice carried through to the kitchen. All four of you remaining in the kitchen wandered through the hall to meet your guests.

When May's eyes fell to you, you could swear there was a tear in them. But it was gone almost as quick as you could tell. "Oh my darling girl," She wrapped you in a hug, squeezing tight. It kind of hurt, but you were desperate to not let it show. You needed this. "It's been far too long, we've missed you so much."

"I know May, I'm sorry I haven't dropped by." You apologised as she dropped the hug. She put a loving hand on your face, and smiled sweetly.

"Don't be silly, sweetie. You have nothing to apologise for." Unfortunately, she didn't know the half of what you had to apologise for.

As it came to your turn to greet Peter, your heart pounded. The others ruffled his hair, lightly bullied him over how dressed up he was. It was only a shirt and sweater, you didn't really see the problem. But Bucky and Sam were always on the lookout for ways to playfully get under spiderboy's skin.

"I think you look nice." You blurted out, almost involuntarily. Bucky and Sam smirked at your outburst, and you suddenly realised that maybe they weren't goading Peter, they were goading you.

"Uh, thanks... you look better," As it came out of his mouth, he realised that he was alluding to something you had asked him not to tell them. "Oh, um, I mean like good, you look good."

You laughed a little. "It's okay, Pete. I told them, we're good."

Steve interrupted, a firm hand on Peter's shoulder. "So, Pete. I hear you've been aiding my daughter to keep secrets from me." Peter gulped at his words. "Relax, kid. I'm just messing. Although we definitely have to improve your stitching skills because that was sloppy."

May stood, confused. "Peter, do you want to catch me up to speed here?"

"Sorry, May." Steve said. "I'll explain what these rascals have been up to." He linked arms with her and wandered towards the dining room with everyone else following. Leaving you and Peter standing in the hallway.

You finally flung your arms around Peter. "You told them?" He asked, at least a modicum of relief behind his words.

You nod. "I kind of had to, they had been out last night looking for me. I felt bad." You swallowed, and realised this was a good time to apologise. "Thank you for helping me out last night, I don't know what I would have done without you."

His arm raised to the back of his neck, as he looked away from you. "Hey, no problem. Anytime."

"I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye."

"It's... alright, (y/n). You had to get home, I understand."

"No, Peter. It was shitty of me to do that to you. I'm sorry."

He smiled, his hand moving towards yours. When he got there, he wrapped yours in his, and gave a loving squeeze. It was the most romantic contact you had had since... well, since him. You were surprised that it felt so normal.

"Let's get dinner." He whispered. You nodded in agreement.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me.

Dinner was as dinner usually is. It was delicious, clearly Steve had been cooking a lot since he took a step back from the Avengers. Sam and Bucky argued while Wanda, Steve and May talked a lot about current events. You and Peter chatted mostly about what your friends were up to, and what your plans were.

"I'm thinking of going full-time with the avengers." Peter revealed. Your eyes widened, knowing that when you were younger, that's all you had both wanted. To be fighting alongside each other, permanently.

"Peter, that's amazing!" You breathed out. "But what about college, didn't you want to go to MIT?"

"Nah," He smiled. "Changed my mind. Don't think I could do avenging and college at the same time. Plus, Tony left a bunch of science stuff behind for me to finish off, so I would have my own lab at the new facility anyway."

You couldn't help the wide grin that adorned your features. "When would you move?"

"I could move anytime. Are you um, planning to go to the new facility?" He asked.

"Yeah, I was hoping to split my time between here and there." You looked over at Steve, talking with May. He didn't need you here. You knew he would love for you to stay, but he would be just fine without you. Plus, he was only semi retired. He'd probably be at the new facility more than you. "I know Bucky and Sam are going over there full-time, that's why they're crashing here for now."

"Oh, great." He sarcastically rolled his eyes and laughed.

Your conversation was interrupted by Bucky shouting over to you, "Hey, kid! Tell everyone about the time you tripped yourself up and accidentally caught the bad guy."

"Bucky, stop telling everyone about that!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey, do you want to go swinging?" Peter whispered, as everyone started clearing plates.

You eyed Cap nervously, knowing that you couldn't leave without telling him, again. Not after your heart to heart earlier. There was no way he would let you swing with Peter, not with as many stitches as you had.

"Maybe just a walk?" You mentioned to Peter. He glanced down at your side, where he had seen the wound last night, and agreed.

You both got up, clearing your dishes as you went. "You ask him." You whispered to Peter while the older avengers and May were still in conversation.

"What? No, you ask him." He harshly whispered back. You rolled your eyes.

"Hey, Cap?" You got the attention of everyone still at the dining table.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Would it be okay if Peter and I went on a walk?"

"Of course, honey. But no swinging," he sternly looked at Peter. "and wear a jacket, it's cold out there."

"Aye aye, cap'n." You saluted him playfully, walking out of the room and waving to everyone. You would see them when you got back, anyways.

What you didn't hear was Steve asking Sam for Redwing to follow you, at a distance. Just in case.

You threw on a jacket and a scarf, opening the door once Peter had done the same. It was cold. It was that kind of biting, painful cold that really settled into your bones.

The walk was mostly silent at first, the street sounds filling the gap. You gasped quietly as Peter snaked his hand into yours as you wandered. The warmth was very nice, but the implication made your heart do double time.

"Where do you want to go?" He broke the silence.

Truthfully, you had no idea. You had absolutely no direction in your brain as your thoughts were smothered by the fact that you were together, holding hands.

"I don't mind, really." You responded.

"I know a place... but it requires climbing, is that okay?" He asked, once again his eyes wandering to where your wound was healing, under your clothes.

"Yeah, that's fine. Where is it?"

He walked with you for a little while longer. Once you reached a taller building, he motioned for you to hop onto his back, as you used to do.

"Be careful," You whispered in his ear. Your hot breath so close to him made his hair stand on end, goosebumps sticking up all over his skin.

He swallowed. "I've got you, don't worry."

And so, he climbed. It was quick, he was stronger now than you remembered. You felt his back muscles tense and relax under you as he flexed out his arms to pull you both up.

He set you down carefully once you got to the top, showing you the view. You wondered how he had found these places, how he always had the most extraordinary little pockets of New York that he reserved, just for you.

"It's gorgeous." You sighed, contentedly.

You could feel his eyes on you. You could tell exactly what he was thinking, without even seeing his face. His hand wrapped itself in yours, as you pulled your jacket and scarf closer around you.

"Are you cold?"

Before you could even respond, his jacket was wrapped around your shoulders. You smiled at his chivalry, drawing the jacket around you and appreciating the extra protection against the elements.

"(y/n), can we talk?" You felt his eyes on you again. You nodded at him, unable to find words as your blood pumped ferociously around your body. "I want to try again..."

Your eyes widened at his confession.

"I mean it," He continued. "I've never... I've never stopped loving you. I've spent years trying to move on, but I haven't. There's no one like you in the world. No one."

His hand lefts yours, and found your cheek. His eyes wandered over every freckle, every scar, every bruise he could see. "You are so beautiful."

You were at a loss for what to say. You had craved these words since the moment you left Clint's farm that day. You could barely hear anything anymore, as the moment melted away to just you, and him.

And so, you did what you had wanted to do for so long.

You kissed him.

As your lips connected, it took a second for him to even register what was happening. But once he did, the passion, the emotion you felt in that moment was like nothing you had ever experienced. His hands tangled in your hair, desperately drawing you towards him.

This wasn't like to loving kisses you used to pepper over each other's lips. This was need, it was animalistic. It was war and anger and heat. It was love.

When you both finally pulled away, your breath was ragged. You placed your forehead on his, your hot breath tickling each other's faces.

"I've never stopped thinking of you, Peter." You admitted. "Not for a second. I've always regretted walking away from you, hurting you like that." You screwed your eyes shut, the pain of the memories a little too much to bear.

He raised your face until your eyes met his. "It wasn't your fault. I left you behind in the snap, and you spent five years mourning me. I never blamed you for what came after, (y/n). Never."

His words soothed the pain in your chest. You had always wondered.

"I want to start fresh with you. I want to go on dates and get to know you, as you are now. I want to be normal kids..." He stroked your cheek with his thumb.

"I want that too, Pete."

He pressed another kiss to your lips, this one short and sweet. "Good," He looked into your eyes, a mischievous glint in them. "Then we should probably get you home, we've got an early start tomorrow."

You raised your eyebrow in questioning.

"I'm taking you for breakfast, sunshine."

[pritong-baboy]

also- same anon that asked the sacrifice for Bee question, I love how "selfishly selfless" Shockwave is in a way, if that makes any sense haha

I adore characters that has limited ways of expressing or feeling emotions and I'm so incredibly fond of how Shockwave is portrayed.... he's cruel, he's tormented Bee for so long and ruined his trust, betrayed him, etc. and yet you're weirdly aware of just how everything he does is out of love. It's a horrific tragedy, he goes to extreme lenghts out of affection and everything about it is so selfish but it's also because he genuinely cannot comprehend how Bee himself functions, that when you view how he perceives his actions it becomes almost selfless. It reminds me of that baby deer curled up beside a target practice deer, except now the mother keeps the calf captive

I'm relatively new but as I'm reading some of these I really get the feeling that he really does want what's best for Bee but just cannot understand what he needs and wants, when you strip yourself of your own individuality you struggle to find value in it at all, so he strips away Bee's too. When all you need is one thing because you can only ever prioritize one thing, Bee shouldn't need anything other than him. When you complete a checklist you get your reward, so how come he does everything right and Bee still doesn't love him? or trust him?

I think there's something so devastating about Shockwave platonically/familiarly (is that the word?) falling in love with Bumblebee because of his innocence, trust, and individuality and in the process of trying to make him his he's slowly hurting and destroying those exact qualities he found so fondly without even realising it. something about thinking of those blue eyes so fondly and yet replacing one with red so Bee can be more of him.... oughhhhh. and yet despite it all he loves his son all the same. there's a person somewhere deep inside there that only remembers how to love, yet not care....

There's so many instances in these asks and drawings where Bee does something that upsets Shockwave but he just tries and tries again, but Bee just never reciprocates the familiar love, and Shockwave just can't understand. I keep thinking about that one post where try as he might he cannot hold Bumblebee in a way that doesn't hurt him and envies how everyone but him seem to have it so easily... they make me so illlll..... I love your take on him so much he's such a fascinating thing, sorry for the ramble, I just needed to get this out of my system, have a good day!!!

hrgghhh this ask made me wanna lose it ngl. you hit the nail so hard, i literally teared up HUHUHUH.

"When all you need is one thing because you can only ever prioritize one thing, Bee shouldn't need anything other than him. When you complete a checklist you get your reward, so how come he does everything right and Bee still doesn't love him? or trust him?"

YOU ARE GETTING IT. as you said, the way i write shockwave is that he ultimately is a tragic character filled with so much love and affection, but it always just spills out so cruelly and it ends up drowning the very bot that he wants to keep. and i like the way you say that shockwave "falls in love" with bumblebee in a parental way, because he really does fall so hard for him it's something he has never felt before.

the thing with the optics too. they were a big theme in my two part series and how much shockwave adored seeing not just bumblebee's optics, but seeing himself in them. it's not that shockwave likes how bee's optics looks, he just likes it when they are looking at him specifically, when he sees that he's in the center of them. his affection is so harsh and selfish it always circles back to seeing himself in the end. it was sort of a telling how much shockwave seemed to care for bee in the surface, but every action he does really is just self-serving even if he doesn't intend it to be.

you describing shockwave as "selfishly selfless" is just...mwah...perfection. cuz like, yeah, when shockwave says he'd do anything to convince bumblebee to stay with him, he REALLY DOES MEAN IT. he is legitimately willing to kill anyone and ruin everything if it meant getting a sliver of reassurance that bee is going to love him back. it's just that....him willing to do all of those things doesn't mean that bee wants any of that.

[timesomewhere]

in honour of the West End's next to normal closing today I've finally proof-read my 'things I noticed/general thoughts' post that's been sitting in my drafts since I saw it earlier this month. it's very long I'm very sorry.

Act One:

it was really fun watching this show in September given that there's two references to it in the first song

I adore the monologue about the pills that Dr. Fine gives during 'Who's Crazy'. it's rhythmic and funny yet also unnerving. It's such a quick and impactful way to summarise what Diana has been through for the past 16 years

Gabe does a 'one of your French girls' pose on the kitchen counter under the cabinets during 'My Psychopharmacologist and I'

Jamie Parker made direct eye contact with me during the last part of 'Who's Crazy' and it was one of the most intense experiences of my life

I might just be dense but I don't get the point of the neon sign that says 'Fine' which drops down during the Dr. Fine scene. Initially I thought that then one would drop down saying 'Madden' during his scenes to help people differentiate between the doctors but then it didn't so it just feels like a weird extra prop

speaking of random props, shout out to the iPad on the table in the opening scene which Gabe pretty much instantly takes away after telling Diana that she shouldn't obsess over tragic news stories and is then never seen again as far as I remember

Dan in the flashback scene being such an optimist about Diana's pregnancy and the future they're gonna have together... soul-crushing

Caissie Levy's 'I Miss The Mountains.' Holy Shit.

I love how Diana and Gabe are the only characters who sing on/stand on the table. it's as though it's this extra dimension of the house that only they have access to and it's a really neat and subtle way to show that they relate to each other in ways other characters don't

'It's Gonna Be Good' is so underrated. Jamie Parker's somewhat genuine optimism becoming optimism-through-gritted-teeth is incredibly acted

The way Jamie delivers the first line of 'He's Not Here' is devastating. the heaviness of that moment as you feel the audience around you realising what's just happened is something I'll remember forever

Gabe body-blocking Dan from Diana during 'I Am the One' is such good staging. People talk about how Jack Wolfe plays Gabe with a lot of layers and a lot of simultaneous contradiction and this song is one of the best examples of that. how Jack manages to project a character who is goading his father and protecting his mother at the same time is beyond me

also Jack has maybe half-an-inch on Jamie which obviously isn't something the actors control but it does makes Gabe seem just that bit more threatening when he's getting in Dan's face

for the first part of Superboy and the Invisible Girl when it's just Natalie singing, Gabe is actively laughing. He's totally unperturbed by her efforts to make herself seen to her mother. it's only when Diana replies, particularly when she says "you're our little pride and joy, our perfect plan" that you see his face drop and you see him trying to figure out a way to stop her from getting Diana's attention which then results in him kicking her off the melody in her own song

"I'll hurt you" being directed at Dan and "I'll heal you" being directed at Diana as Gabe gently touches her face gets me so bad. but the most painful part of 'I'm Alive' for me is when Gabe looks at Dan as he says "I'm the perfect stranger who knows you too well." that's the first time you realise that perhaps Gabe doesn't just impact Diana, and there's something much larger at play

Caissie and Jack W's voices harmonising on 'Catch Me I'm Falling' was one of my favourite parts of the whole show. Their voices are so magical together and their mother/son chemistry is incredible

The 'I Dreamed A Dance' into 'There's a World' sequence is one of the most tragically beautiful things I've ever witnessed. I went into the show knowing what Gabe was trying to achieve during 'There's A World' and yet Jack's voice is so beautifully haunting you totally forget you're supposed to root against Gabe in that moment

Jamie Parker's 'I've Been' is some of the best acting through song out there. Interestingly my friend and I had very different interpretation's of what Gabe's horrified reaction to the blood meant. I viewed it as him being upset about what he convinced Diana to do - he doesn't like seeing her hurt. Whereas my friend saw it as him being angry at himself that she didn't manage to follow through, meaning that he has failed to regain control over her life

'I'm no sociopath, I'm no Sylvia Plath. I ain't no Frances Farmer kind of find for you' is one of the best musical theatre lyrics of all time. I genuinely don't know why I Miss The Mountains is the 'big song' known from N2N over 'Didn't I See This Movie?', it's just so good

Natalie's 'She trusts you!' line is heartbreaking, I was basically watching that entire scene through my fingers because of how high the emotion was

Act Two:

'Pfizer's woman of the year' will in fact be peak comedy every time. Eleanor's delivery is *chef's kiss*

Gabe having just one line in 'Wish I Were Here', and that line being 'Wish I were here.' Yeah. I feel very normal about that.

Natalie's line of "Can I hide my stupid hunger, fake some confidence and cheer?" being pretty much exactly what Gabe has done throughout the entirety of act 1

"And you're not a scary rockstar anymore" got one of the biggest laughs at both of the shows I went to

Dan's desperation during 'Better Than Before.' He is simultaneously trying to cajole Diana into remembering and get Natalie to be more positive. This one song really highlights how he's being pulled in a million different directions while trying to hold it all together and Jamie portrays that so well

Aftershocks. Wow. The way the last word of each line echoes throughout the theatre is great sound design. I've been in exam halls louder than the audience during that song. Holding a room that captive as a silhouette is quite the feat Jack Wolfe you will always be famous

"I don't know where the fucking pieces go" as Diana pushes things off the table as if there's a real jigsaw there that she's rage quitting and choosing to give up on is such a nice detail

"Have you talked of your depression, your delusions and your son?" The gasp in the theatre both times was sickening

the response of "good' in reply to "name?" when technically that was part of his name as they are the "Goodmans". I don't really have a point here I just think it's neat

The 'It's Gonna Be Good" reprise was one of my favourite Dan/Diana moments. Caissie and Jamie are really pushing each other to their emotional limits and they handle it so well

The first "Why stay?" is so fragile as Diana sits against the kitchen island. Also interesting given that Dan and Gabe will also sit against there later when they are at their lowest point in the story. The idea of the characters crawling to the 'centre/heart' of the home when they are at their weakest

"This is one old game that I can play so well" is the line that has stuck the most with me throughout the show. Jack's delivery of it while striding across the kitchen table - seemingly totally invincible - is crazy.

how Caissie manages to deliver "you shrugged and said that no one really knows" with humour and desperation at the same time is amazing

When Gabe and Diana stand on the table and if they let go of one another they'll fall. yeahhhhh.....

Gabe's realisation that Diana isn't going to give up on getting better. Totally collapsing in on himself and beginning to cry. How you manage to feel bad for him after all the destruction he's caused is wild

Diana's "maybe I'm tired of the game" relating back to Gabe's "this is one old game that I can play so well"

the lyrics in 'Hey #3' clearly reflecting things Diana has done, Henry cutting Natalie off at "bleeding in the bathtub"

"I am the one who'll heal you" being said to Dan not Diana this time

"Why didn't you go with her?" is the most devastating line in the whole musical I said what I said. Jamie's delivery of it is heart wrenching

the drums and bass kicking in for the loud part of I Am The One as Gabe becomes desperate to be seen once again

Jack and Jamie's acting in this moment is so intense. there's a moment where it's genuinely feels as though only one of them can make it out of the interaction alive

Jack's emphasis on the word 'loved' in the line "I am the one who loved you" nearly killed me on the spot. how somebody can deliver a line so desperately while remaining pitch perfect is unfair

Natalie coming in to kiss Dan's head at the start of 'Light' like Gabe kisses Diana's in the first scene. I'm such a sucker for a gut punching

the "And are they real?" line about Diana's parent's from Henry gets such a loud reaction from the audience. Some people laugh immediately, some people clearly get shocked out of their sobs. so good

In conclusion, this is my favourite musical of all time and I'm going to be so annoying waiting for the pro-shot to come out

[witchthewriter]

𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐁𝐨𝐲𝐝'𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐅𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐬

⤷ female, ambiguous race, and any size reader. Requests are open, thank you for reading!

ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ | ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ ᴵᴵ

ENTJ

Gryffindor

Neutral Good

Virgo Sun, Taurus Moon, Sagittarius Rising

𝑺𝑭𝑾🌿

・Being the Sheriff's romantic partner wasn't easy

・What made it not easy was a few things; Ellis, the memory of his dead wife and the fact that people now saw you as a leader of the community

・Responsibility was something you were used to, but not on this level

・The only thing that made it worthwhile was Boyd

・You got to know a side to him that not many people see

・It was difficult getting him to open up; but you waited. You waited and waited for him. Bringing him food when he hadn't been in all day.

・You had taken it upon yourself to track each monster and given them a name. Since the monsters admitted that they knew everyone, you were adamant that you all had to do the same.

・These little things were how they were three steps ahead

・When your crush on Boyd had eleviated, it came all crashing back when once again he saved your life.

'I really didn't want to be the damsel in goddamn distress,' you thought bitterly.

・You decided to distance yourself from Boyd, maybe you just seemed like a lovesick puppy to him. And you really didn't want to be that annoying person who follows others around

・So you chose solitude - and Boyd noticed immediately

・When he finally confronted his feelings about you, he was both elated and utterly devastated. Boyd realised that he could have spent so much more time with you.

・But something in him didn't want to pursue his feelings

・He felt like he was betraying Abby and Ellis...

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐮𝐩 𝐭𝐨 𝐁𝐨𝐲𝐝 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐝𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫

・But this town had been taking too much. And sometimes Boyd craved to be around someone; to tell them what was happening in his head.

・So, he approached Ellis and got his blessing.

・Having the 'ok' from his son felt weird but motivating at the same time.

・Boyd tracked you down and found you instantly. He knew all your favourite places, yet never admitted to himself how much he cared. Not until now.

"Hey, ah, (Y/N),"

A tingle ran up your spine. And yet, you took your time, getting up and facing him.

"Hello Sheriff." You said curtly.

Boyd knew he was in trouble then. You hadn't called him Sheriff in 5 months.

"I want to talk to you about a few things, you um - you wanna go to the station?"

"Ooh, under arrest am I?"

Boyd smiled a little and shook his head. "Never."

・Moving closer to you, he offered his hand and reluctantly you took it.

But as you went to let go, his hand tightened around your own. It made you blush, the way he interlaced his fingers. The delicate touch.

He walked you over to the small Sheriff's station, which was technically a post office, Boyd opened the doors and let you enter first.

He pulled out a chair for you and offered you Father Khatri's old bottle of whiskey.

You nodded. He poured and a glass was put in front of you.

・Boyd had a drink in his own hand as he sat across from you. His eyes barely leaving your own.

"What is this?" You asked, taking a sip. The drink instantly warmed you, but left a horrid burning taste in your throat.

"Whiskey, maybe bourbon-" he started and you frowned.

"No Boyd! What am I doing here?"

"Right, yeah. I'll-" He stood up and drank the amber liquid in a flash.

All you did was stare at him and wait.

He took a deep breath.

"You know life here is fucking hard," you nodded.

"And I know how you feel about me..." God that made you queasy, now you understood what he was doing. Sheriff Boyd was letting you down fucking EASY.

You could feel your heartbeat rise, such a heavy thump against your chest. You face was hot, sweat was starting to appear on your forehead and you could. not. take. this. Not now.

Jumping from your chair, you hadn't realised the light had gone from the sky. Racing out of the building, all you needed was air. Just some air.

But you heard another voice.

"Oh darling, what are you doing out so late?" And you realised your mistake.

"Fuck," you whispered as you turned around and immediately backed up. Four of them were advancing.

"Why are you running off, we can make it all go away-"

But you felt a large, warm, strong chest behind you. An arm went around your waist and he dragged you backwards. The gun in his other hand.

"We know she's precious to you Boyd...how long do you think you could keep her alive?"

Before the door closed fully, Boyd yelled out a growl - "Don't you FUCKIN' HURT HER."

And then the door closed and Boyd touched the talisman.

"Fuck you run off for?" Boyd said incredulously. His eyes wide, hands on his hips.

"I wasn't thinking..." but before he could cut you off, you continued, "- but I wasn't in the mood to be humiliated, Boyd! You want me to leave you alone, fine! But don't start the conversation rigHT AS IT GOES DARK!"

For a moment he was stunned.

And then he sighed.

"Just-" he rubbed the side of his face and stood before you. He was quite a bit taller than you, but not ridiculously so. Your eyes wandered to the white spot in his beard and closed your eyes. Waiting for the sentence that would crush you.

"I'm...I...I can't do this thing without you." Your eyes fluttered open and you stared at him. Point blank.

"And I don't want to do this without you," his voice was low. Steady. One of his hands wrapped around your own.

"You don't ... have to do this alone."

"That's not all..." his other hand came up and held the side of your face. Goosebumps erupted all over your body.

It was slow, but the anticipation felt too good.

"I love you," he whispered and pressed his lips to yours.

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

You Fell First (You) x He Fell Harder (Boyd)

"You wear the pants in this relationship" (You) x "oh I wish, I cannot control you at all" (Boyd)

"Being With You Makes Me Better"

𝑹𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆

Trust and Dependence

Unbreakable Bond

Healing and Rebuilding Together

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

The House of the Rising Sun by Nina Simone

A Sunday Kind of Love by Etta James

All For Us by Labrinth

I just wanted to add the reasoning behind choosing these songs. Each is intertwined with the relationship you have with Boyd.

𝑯𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑹𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑺𝒖𝒏 𝒃𝒚 𝑵𝒊𝒏𝒂 𝑺𝒊𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒆 is a direct link to the context of where Boyd and Reader are. In a supernatural world, in purgatory, in void space - either way, their town, colony house > they are the houses of the rising sun.

Now, 𝑨 𝑺𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝑲𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒚 𝑬𝒕𝒕𝒂 𝑱𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒔 is to convey the type of love that Boyd and Reader has. It's romantic, it's dependent on each other.

𝑨𝒍𝒍 𝑭𝒐𝒓 𝑼𝒔 𝒃𝒚 𝑳𝒂𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒉, this is the perfect song to describe Boyd's role in this town and how he is the personification of hope. Reader knows this, they know how important Boyd is to this town and not just finding a way to escape, but keeping everyone in order. Because what could be worse than a town without hope? It would turn into complete and utter chaos.

[blitzwhore]

I love how Blitz seems to battle with masculinity tbh?? Like he'll bottom but make fun of Moxxie for taking it from a woman, he'll sleep with guys but emotions are gay as hell, romance is beautiful and adorable but also kinda cringe that a guy would be that openly sappy, cool to wear drag and makeup and look stylin' but also like Moxxie is suuuuch a little princess right?? Anyway here are my various massive weapons that aren't compensating for anything. He's sooo obviously tackling severe internalised homophobia and toxic masculinity. As soon as it's not a show of strength or independence and shows any type of earnest vulnerability he immediately jumps to insinuating that it isnt the right way to be.

Ugh, yes, this! It's really interesting, because it's mostly showed subtextually (I hadn't even processed some of the examples you listed here) and it's quite easy to overlook. But, once you put the pieces together, you realise just how much he battles with shame around queerness, gender expression, and the ways they relate to vulnerability and emotion.

I personally headcanon that Cash, his dad, was homophobic. Maybe not like Crimson, who overtly hated and condemned anything queer, which in a way may have made it easier for Moxxie to realise just how awful those opinions were. I think Cash might have been queerphobic and sexist in a more insidious way. Think things like maybe treating Barbie like his little princess whom he needed to protect, all the while telling Blitz to man up. Think 'those people'-type comments, always said with a lower voice and a knowing, scornful smile. Or 'why can't they just keep it in the bedroom'. Or 'I'm fine with it, I just don't see why they need to make their whole identity about it'. Think him chastising his wife for letting Blitz cry past the age of 5-6, because he was going to turn him soft.

I explored Blitz's internalised homophobia a little bit in my Oops flashback fic, and I really want to dive into it more in future fics, because his struggle is just so interesting and relatable to me, as someone who grew up with it as well. You can really tell Blitz's relationship with his queerness (and how it interacts with his trauma) was written by people who have first-hand experience with this sort of grief. It's devastating, but also healing, in a way.

[kasumiviolet]

Hello! I have a slightly silly hc question: how well do you think the bg3 companions handle spicy food?

not a silly question at all, in fact a very wholesome one!

i’ve chosen to go with general food/meal preferences but will include tolerance to spice for you!

Including Astarion, Gale, Halsin, Karlach, Lae’zel, Shadowheart & Wyll

TW: Food, mentions of eating habits, hiding food.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Astarion:

- Given his affliction, I doubt there is much need for legitimate sustenance in the form of physical food & drink

- This does not stop him from occasionally mixing wines with the blood offered to him.

- Say for instance, he fancies something with a bit of sweetness, he would happily stir in a few generous drops of Amnian Dessert Wine before gulping down a goblet (or three)

- Tav would often attempt to experiment themselves with herbs & spices and offer Astarion a choice between a warm and spicy cinnamon, or a bold peppery clove.

- One time, Gale snuck a few hot peppers into his goblet as a prank, and was devastated when it had absolutely no effect on the vampire.

Gale:

- The Connoisseur of the Culinary Arts, Gale loves to experiment whilst cooking for the camp. Albeit to the chagrin of the others

- He has an extensive collection of foraged herbs, flowers and items that he keeps in his well worn Alchemy Pouch, Halsin often finding various items of use but having little to no skill in their preparation.

- Is really not fussy when it comes to preference, is just happy to enjoy a home cooked meal amongst pleasant company.

Halsin:

- Prefers a vegetable based meal, but doesn’t mind the occasional use of meat as long as it doesn’t interrupt the harmony of nature.

- Does not drink alcohol, and much prefers a herbal tea sweetened with honey.

- The first time he tried anything remotely spicy was when the party had come across a food stall ran by an old man, only making one meal, Spicy Shrimp Soup.

- Halsin was hesitant, as all Elves were when it came to spice, preferring a delicate blend of flavours over a gutpunch of heat, but the party was weary & this was all they could afford with their coin.

- After one mouthful, he was pleasantly surprised at how warm and comforted the broth made him feel; he made sure to remember the name of the dish and would often return to “check on the old man”.

Karlach:

- Karlach is the Mother of Spice™️

- Peppercorns? Give. Spiced Wine? Yoink.

- Spicy Sausage Links are her favourite, and she’ll often inhale about six or seven in a row before she realises everyone is staring at her, either in fear or arousal admiration.

- She asked Tav one day if she could make her something as hot as she is and Tav just conjured a fireball.

- Karlach needs to try a good spicy ramen or a firecracker rice fr

Lae’zel:

- Lae’zel actually prefers minimal spice, and sees her food as fuel rather than something to enjoy.

- Although she absolutely will not tell a soul, she has a sweet tooth.

- Has a secret stash of tiny dessert delicacies from the realm hidden away in her tent, and will often snack on these should she desire.

- “Treacle Tart? Tas’ki - Give it to me to dispose of.”

Shadowheart:

- A sweetheart with an even sweeter tooth.

- Is curious and open to trying new flavours or delicacies, but steers clear of anything cooked by a goblin or a gith.

- She will often sit by the riverside with a steaming cup of tea as a form of relaxation.

- Definitely steals scraps of meat and other things to give to Scratch when the others don’t look, feigning innocence if caught.

- Her favourite dessert of all time is something called a “Ruby Rack”, a sweet cookie made with vanilla and walnuts. Every now and then she’ll crack a joke that her true mission in life is to find one again.

- Lae’zel surprised her one day by placing one on Shadowheart’s pillow with a look saying “if you tell anybody that I did this, I will cut you from navel to neck.”

- Shadowheart nods appreciatively.

Wyll:

- Wyll adores anything homecooked, a token of trust and love between friends that he holds dear.

- Oftentimes finds himself reading the recipe books that Gale collects in order to educate himself on the meals the camp share, what nutrients & vitamins each ingredient provides etc.

- “You’re looking a little worse for wear, Karlach. Maybe some stew would help.”

- Wyll just wants everybody to be healthy & happy and honestly, I respect him for it.

BONUS

Scratch:

- Sweet boy is happy with anything, but Shadowheart has noticed that his tail wags a little faster when presented with sausages or a good pork loin.

- Halsin often tries feeding the pup sprigs of rosemary or thyme. He’ll sniff them, take them gingerly into his mouth before spitting them out.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

My first ever ask! I spent ages going back and forth with this tab and the wiki for the sake of accuracy - I hope you enjoy love!

[idontknowreallywhy]

WIP Wednesday

Tormenting Jeff a little more… because he did badly and must be punished with 8 years of realising how badly 😉

🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶

“Nothing you do or say can make this right, Scott.”

He’d buried the image of devastation in those blue eyes with plans and schematics and smothered the sick guilty feeling with rage against his old friend.

“It’s fine as a hobby, Virgil, if you really need a mindless way to waste your time. But your major needs to be something meaningful. Don’t waste that brain of yours - be useful.”

When he’d found his son’s sketchbooks in the compost heap later that week he’d told himself it was nothing to do with their conversation. He was probably just finished with them.

“Don’t touch that, you’ll only mess it up!”

John had known the intricacies of the big telescope better than Jeff himself, Lucy had taught him after all. But when he’d caught his son sneaking into the roof space… the thought her precious instrument might no longer be set the way she had left it had made him feel so sick he’d crushed the enthusiasm of the child most closely following in her footsteps.

“It’s not like it’ll be any different to the last however many meets, Scott. They all swim in straight lines, one of them is slightly quicker, it’s usually Gordon. Just take a video for me. I have more important things to do.”

He’d always pretended to himself that he’d imagined the little sob from the hallway.

“Will someone keep that baby quiet? I’m trying to work!”

‘That baby’, his Lucy’s last gift to him… he’d be unrecognisable now. Probably barely remembered his father. Not that Jeff had been around enough to make a huge impression on his youngest.

Jeff stared out into endless space and wondered if they even missed him… or whether it had been a relief.

The sun didn’t shine here. It twinkled. Just another star. Sol. No brighter than Mars used to be.

It was something to look at. Something to dream about. Something to wish on.

But Sol didn’t provide any light. Jeff didn’t have a sun anymore.

If asked before he’d have said without hesitation it would have been the moon he’d have missed most from the sky. You couldn’t look at the sun. It just obscured the view of the more interesting bits of space.

He’d believed the only sunshine in his life had gone out sixteen long years ago and spent so much time howling into the void she’d left he’d failed to see the equally bright lights shining behind him.

Now all he had was the darkness.

And the hope that one day he could find the sun again and make it right.

🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶

Inspired by a line in one of @edutainer2022’s pieces about the mess Jeff left behind - the first line here is that line.

[chuuya-kisser]

im finally free so that i can fucking scream abt bsd 117 and tell my thoughts on this heartbreaker of a chapter (will def make another post feeding my delusions)

(spoilers utc)

firstly.

ASAGIRI. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUXK ASAGIRI. ASAGIRI WHEN I CATCH YOU ASAGIRI I THOUGHT YOU WERE KILLING-YOUR-CHARACTERS-PHOBIC?????? NOW YOUVE MELTED TWO IMPORTANT CHARACTERS IN TWO CHAPTERS???? WHOS GONNA GO NEXT CHAPTER HUH WHO'S NEXT IN YOUR DEATH NOTE

well

Uh yeah so anyways basically heart broken for multiple reasons so we'll go in order

1- aya. oh my gosh aya. shes what, a ten year old?????? and in the span of a day, she has found out about a vampire lord who is responsible for destroying or saving the whole world, shouldered the responsibility of getting said vampire lord away from the enemy to save the world, developed a father-daughter relationship with said vampire lord, sacrificed herself and got saved by him, believed that the world could be saved now, saw her new father figure's body be torn apart and replaced by a greasy ratass who wants to destroy everything or whatever, with said new father's last words telling her to run to save herself, being saved by said father, then having him dissolve and die again in front of her eyes again. shes a ten year old. what the actual fuck. oh and don't forget, she doesn't know that she lost her other father figure too!

gosh she is going to be SO traumatised and even that is an understatement i really hope she has the strength to recover

2- so akutagawa is back huh? about time, about time (though im not very happy about the cost it took- but atleast he's back?)and he has agreed to protect aya on brams wish? thats surprising honestly, so im wondering if the stuff atsushi told him while fighting him at the airport or whatever affected his subconscious or something so that he consciously wants to start protecting people?

OR maybe! he sees a bit of himself in aya or smth? i mean look i dont exactly remember what happened before he met dazai and was taken in by him okay, dont come at me. but maybe he sees that terrified little kid and something stirs in him or smth anyways go akutagawa go you're her third father figure please dont die again ‼️

(also he looks so good-)

3- and the biggest bombshell

kunikida.

KUNIKIDA‼️‼️ NO NO NO THIS IS NOT ACTUALLY HAPPENING PEOPLE THIS IS NOT I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT I AM IN DENIAL

just- THINK ABOUT EVERYONE. think about atsushi and tanizaki. who saw him disappear slowly in front of their eyes, to buy them time. think about fukuzawa. who wished for kunikida to be the next president because he was the most ideal. who cares so much, even if he doesnt show it as much. think about aya. she has such a deep bond with kunikida, and now she'll have to face the devastating news that one of the only people who truly believed in her is gone too. think about ranpo and yosano.

think about dazai. who is much too far away to do anything right now, who miscalculated once which led to him being too far to stop fyodors rampage in any way. who was truly doing all this because he wanted to keep the detective agency safe. who, when he realises what will happen next, his first thought is to warn them. who was his new partner, kept him alive, even made him a part of his schedules. who i think he must have to care for, even a little bit.

dazai, who thinks that anything worth wanting is always lost the moment he obtains it. and its happened again. and by the looks of it, it will happen again.

i genuinely want to know how he'll react but i dont want to at the same time. gods i cant fucking do this man

like huhhh asagiri are you tryna make me cry or some shit???? Because youre succeesing SPECTACULARLY

also- are we gonna see tanizaki get liquefied too next chapter? because this panel sure looks like it

im scared for september now like what else are you gonna throw at us, huh asagiri? and what do you mean i have to wait a whole month this is crazy

and i am STILL in denial and will continue to be in denial guys wdym, ofc kunikida is alive and well! hes coparenting aya with bram, having fun at the agency and stuff ‼️‼️ hes perfectly peachy theres no helicopter singularity out for everyone's lives!!! (wow this post is LONG)