#just print and bind your document

[prince-tips]

If you're a student rn, go check if your dissertation needs to be professionally bound before you submit!

[mosquitinho]

the shitty job i only accepted bc it was supposed to be a temporary gig until i was able to get an alright-ish job might just turn into an alright-ish job itself.. POG!!!!!!

[pleasantboatpress]

so, you wanted to start bookbinding?

so @princetofbone mentioned on my post for "factory settings" about wanting to know more about the binding style that i used for it. so i thought i might make a post about it.

i was as terrible as i always am for taking in progress shots, but i can link you to the resources i used in order to make my book. i would also like to point out that "factory settings" is my 120th bind, and i have been doing bookbinding as a hobby for just over 3 years now. unfortunately this means some of the methods that i used for that bind aren't particularly beginner friendly, just in terms of the tools and methods i have used, but i would love to point you in the right direction when it comes to resources. i dont say this to sound pretentious which i fear i might come across, just so that youre fully informed. getting into this hobby is fun and rewarding, but it can definitely be intimidating.

with that caveat, heres a list of links and resources that i have used for bookbinding in general, with additional links to methods i used specifically in regards to this bind.

ASH's how to make a book document. it gives you a great introduction into typesetting fics (where you format the text of fics to look like a traditionally published books) and then turning them into a case-bound book (the style i used for "factory settings"). it is comprehensive, and explains how to use microsoft word to do your bidding. it was invaluable to me when i was just starting out! currently i use affinity publisher to typeset/format my fics for printing, but i only bought and learned how to use that after i had been binding books for a year and a half. i made some beautiful typesets with word, and some of my close friends use it still and design stuff that i never would be able to in my wildest dreams (basically anything by @no-name-publishing)

DAS Bookbinding's Square Back Bradel Binding. a great style to do your first bind in! this method requires, when making the case, to attach the cover board and the spine board to a connecting piece of paper, which makes it so much easier to match the size of the case to the size of the text block (your printed out and sewn fic). using this method is what allowed me to get much more accurately fitting cases, and made me much more confident with the construction of the books i was making. a well-made book is something that is so wonderful to hold in your hands!

DAS Bookbinding's Rounded and Backed Cased Book. This is the specific method that i used to create my bind for "factory settings"! even before i could back my books, i found that watching DAS's videos in particular helped me see how books were traditionally made, and i was able to see different tips and tricks about how to make nicer books.

Book Edge Trimming Without... i trim the edges of my text block using my finishing press and a chisel i have sharpened using a whetstone and leather strop with buffing compound on it. i follow the method for trimming shown in this video!

Made Endpapers. i follow this method for my endpapers, as i used handmade lokta endpapers, and they can be quite thin, but they look beautiful! i used "tipped on" endpapers (where you have your endpaper and then put a thin strip of glue on the edge and attach it to your text block) i used for a very long time before this, but these feel like they are much more stable, as they are sewn with your text block.

Edge Sprinkling. this is the method that i used for decorating the edges of my text block. but the principle is basically clamping your text block tight and then sprinkling the edges. i do not believe you need to trim the edges in order to do sprinkles on the edges, and that's what makes it accessible! i personally just use really cheap acrylic paint that i water down and then flick it onto the edges with my thumb and a paint brush.

Double-Core Endbands. i sew my own endbands, which i followed this tutorial for. that being said, it's kind of confusing, and this video is a bit easier to follow, but it is a slightly different type of endband.

Case decoration. i used my silhouette cameo 4 to cut out my design for "factory settings" in htv (heat transfer vinyl). i also used my cameo 4 to cut out the oval of marbled paper on the front, as i honestly didn't want to try my hand at cutting an oval lol. i also glued some 300 gsm card with an oval cut out of the centre of it onto the cover before covering it with bookcloth, to get a kind of recess on the cover. i then glued the oval of marbled paper onto the top of the recessed area once it was covered with bookcloth, so that it was protected. the images i used were sourced from a mix of rawpixel, canva and pixabay. a more accessible way to get into cover decoration is by painting on a design for your cover as described in @a-gay-old-time's tutorial just here. or even doing paper labels, which look classy imo.

physical materials. sourcing these will depend on your country. i am located in australia, and have compiled a list with some other aussie bookbinders of places to buy from. here is a great post describing beginning materials for getting started binding.

@renegadepublishing. this tumblr is great! its what got me started bookbinding, and being in the discord has been inspiring, motivating, and honestly just one of the best online experiences i have ever had. it is full of resources, and most people in there are amateur bookbinders, with a couple of professionals thrown in. the discord is 18+, and anyone can join!

i'm sorry this post got so long, but i hope that this has a lot of information for you if you would like to get started bookbinding. its one of the best hobbies ive ever had, and i genuinely believe i will have it for the rest of my life.

[casualmonsterenjoyer]

So, I have no idea if anyone has already figured this out but I have just spent an unreasonable amount of time translating this part of the Soul Contract...just because

and like...

You are now twenty-one grams lighter

THIS CONTRACT IS LEGAL AND BINDING. WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO USE YOUR LIKENESS, FACE, VOICE AND SMELL TOWN PLUCK IN WHATEVER NEFARIOUS MANNER IS DEEMED NECESSARY.

SANS SOUL, YOUR SOULMATE WILL NOT RECOGNIZE YOU AND WILL WALK RIGHT PAST YOU ON A COLD AUTUMN DAY. NEVER MAKING EYE CONTACT. NOT EVEN PROCESSING THAT YOU HAVE EYES AT ALL. NO AMOUNT OF INTERACTION WILL MOVE THEM TO A PLACE WHERE THEY CAN REMEMBER, IN FEELING, THE THOUSANDS OF LIFETIMES YOU HAVE ALREADY SPENT TOGETHER. EACH TIME CHOOSING THOUSANDS FORM WOULD KEEP YOU CLOSEST LIKE OTTERS HOLDING HANDS IN A TUMULTUOUS RIVER. YOU WERE BIRDS. YOU WERE TREES WITH ROOTS ENTANGLED, DRINKING IN THE SUNLIGHT TOGETHER.

WHEREVER WE GO NEXT, WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE, I WILL ALWAYS BE RIGHT THERE WITH YOU…THATS DONE, BUDDY. CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE CHOSEN BILL INSTEAD!

MCDONALDS RESERVES THE RIGHT TO PUT A GIANT YELLOW M ON YOUR TORSO AND FOREHEAD AND SEND YOU WALKING THROUGH A CROWDED TIMES SQUARE WHILE YOU SCREAM "THE FRIES! THE FRIES! THEY DON´T DEGRADE IN NATURE!!! IT´S AN IMMORTAL FOOD!!! THEY WILL BE IN THE LANDFILLS LONG PAST OUR DEATHS!" GOOD GOD! THE THINGS S I´VE SEEN!

ME? WHO AM I? OH I´M BILL´S PREVIOUS LAWYER! HE PUT MY SOUL INTO A QUILL PEN SO I CAN WRITE HIM LEGAL DOCUMENTS UNTIL THE SUN SNUFFS OUT LIKE A CANDLE IN THIS SICK UNIVERSE! I USED TO BE SO HOT! I WAS SO FINE! NOW I´M FINE PRINT!

SPEAKING OF WHICH, BILL RESERVES THE RIGHT TO PUT YOUR SOUL INTO AN INANIMATE OBJECT, A STRANGE CREATURE, A CONCEPT, A SENTENCE, A TASTEFUL BUT RUSTIC MASON JAR WITH WILDFLOWERS IN IT.

IF AT ANY POINT YOU WANT TO HAVE VISITATION RIGHTS WITH YOUR SOUL, YOU WILL BE SWIFTLY DENIED. UNLESS YOU HAD A COOL DAY PLANNED FOR THE BOTH OF YOU, THEN BILL MIGHT WANT TO COME ALONG.

BY SIGNING THIS DOCUMENT YOU FORFEIT ANY RIGHT TO EATING SOUL FOOD. IT WILL TURN TO ASH IN YOUR MOUTH, A FITTING PUNISHMENT FOR A FOOL WHO SQUANDERED THE ONLY TRUE GIFT LIFE OWES YOU.

BILL RESERVES THE RIGHT TO DRESS YOUR SOUL HOWEVER HE DEEMS NECESSARY, ESPECIALLY IF YOUR SOUL WAS A NERD BEFORE ACQUISTION. SOULMAKOVERRR!

YOUR SOUL MAY BECOME FRACTURED AND PLACED INTO DIFFERENT OBJECTS. THIS HAS NO PURPOSE AND WILL NOT RESURRECT YOU IF YOU DIE.

SIGNEE HAS FORFEITED ALL RIGHTS TO ANY AFTERLIFE. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: HEAVEN, HELL, PURGATORY, BIG CORNER, FLOW STATE, THE DREAM HOUSE, THE REINCARNATION PROCESSING CENTER, AXOLOTL´S TANK AND CONSEQUENCES HOLE.

SIGNEE CAN NO LONGER BOARD THE SOUL TRAIN AND IS ADVISED TO DISCARD ALL BELLBOTTOMS.

SIGNEE CAN NO LONGER HAVE A PUPPY AS A BEST FRIEND, THEY CAN SENSE WHAT IS GONE. BATS ARE INDIFFERENT.

SIGNEE MAY EXPERIENCE OCCASIONAL DEMON POSSESSIONS FROM HORCULUS THE RED, PLABOS THE MERCILESS, MORBUS SON OF MORTEM, PLAGA THE OOAING AND OTHER SUCH COMMON DEMONS ROAMING EARTH SEARCHING FOR WEAKENED, EMPTY VESSELS!

TIPS FOR RIPPING YOUR SOUL OUT AT HOME: WATCHING YOUTUBE COMMENTARY CHANNELS, ATTENDING AN EXTENDED FAMILY EVENT WITH AN OPEN BAR, USING GENERATIVE AI AND ASSERTING THAT YOU ARE CREATIVE, TURNING A BLIND EYE TO HUMAN SUFFERING, AMASSING MORE WEALTH THAN NEEDED, PURCHASING A BLUE CHECKMARK...

I had fun with this and yeah...rip to anyone who signed (me included, I would have loved to visit axolotl´s tank...)

[greaseonmymouth]

As you've asked for asks!:

Do you have any quick-and-dirty book/fic binding methods a terrified-of-failure novice could use to bang something out to get over the first collywobbling step of Actually Doing The Thing? (this may be something I've been meaning to ask for ages)

yes! I absolutely do! in my opinion the best quick-and-dirty bookbinding method is a no-glue pamphlet: you don't have to mess with glue or measuring or cutting anything, all you need is your text, some paper, a needle and thread. you can use the same needle to punch holes if you don't have an awl.

this is going to be a little long but that's because I'm going to write out some fairly detailed instructions for an A5 sized pamphlet. If you don't want detailed instructions and think you can glean the necessary info from photos, just skip to the photos! I've also linked tutorials.

for preparing the text to printing, in whatever software you use (word, libreoffice, gdocs, whatever) make sure your document is set to page size A5. make it look readable. then save as/export that document as a straight-paged PDF. now go to the bookbinder JS tool (https://momijizukamori.github.io/bookbinder-js/), and upload the PDF. source manipulation: none printer paper size: A4 display unit (you can ignore, or choose cm if it gives you anxiety that it automatically displays points) printer type: select single-sided or duplex accordingly* rotate paper: ignore flip on long side: check if you are printing duplex and if your duplex printer flips the paper on the long side page layout:  tick folio page scaling: original page positioning: centered ignore the rest flyfleaf: ignore signature format tick: standard signatures. in the length drop down, this depends on the type of pamphlet you are doing. for folio i generally find 4-5 pages per signature a comfortable thickness. if you have 6 whole A4 pages you can still do that as a single signature or you can split it into two signatures 3 pages each. wacky small layouts: ignore this signature info click the generate preview button to see what your PDF looks like imposed! I love this step especially when I'm doing quarto (A6) or octavo (A7) sized books generate output - click this to generate an imposed PDF

for A6 and A7 sized books the instructions are much the same, except for these you make sure the page size is A6 or A7 in your software, and then you choose quarto or octavo instead of folio. for signature length drop down I keep signature length to 1 for octavos typically and 2 for quartos, as this still refers to sheets of paper, and for octavo 1 sheet of A4 paper will turn into 4 smaller sheets in one signature once folded and cut.

*if you don't have a duplex printer you will have to manually turn the paper to print on the other side. I cannot be arsed with this so I bought a printer capable of duplex printing (I didn't have a printer anyway). if you already have a printer check what it can do as you might be surprised and go from there.

now to the pamphlets! you don't need a cover - I have one for the long stitch pamphlet but for the saddle stitch one I didn't bother and just made sure the first page had a title on it. you can always take a different piece of paper and print a cover on or or just use coloured cardstock and create a simple cover, but a cover is not necessary unless you're doing a long stitch pamphlet. all you need to do is to punch holes and start sewing. there are a few different stitch types below, I wouldn't say any of them are more difficult or easier than others, but they do look different so...pick one you like the look of and go from there?

pamphlet stitch (uneven number of holes) I haven't ever done a pamphlet stitch but here's a tutorial for how to do it: https://www.starpointestudio.com/simple-pamphlet-stitch-book-step-by-step/

saddle stitch (uneven number of holes) I realised that what I was thinking of as a pamphlet stitch is actually saddle stitch, as in this A7 pamphlet:

here's a tutorial for how to sew saddle stitch: https://www.bookbindingworkshopsg.com/saddle-stitch-bookbinding-tutorial/ here's a video tutorial: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWHkY5jOoqM (sealemon has a lot of bookbinding tutorials and I know many people who like her videos, I used her tutorial for coptic binding way back when I first made a book but I can't otherwise vouch for the quality as I haven't used her videos)

french link stitch (even number of holes) in this one I used french link stitch which I typically use for thicker textblocks that i'm not planning to use tapes with as the french link gives it some robustness, I used it here because I had never done it before and wanted to try it out. I am planning to take these stitches out and re-sew this pamphlet with a cover now that I've found a suitable piece of transformer fanart to use as a cover:

french link tutorial. it's quite long but it has a colour coded bit towards the end that shows how the thread is supposed to link which i find very helpful to visualise: https://www.handmadebooksandjournals.com/bindings/french-link-stitch-binding/

here's a video tutoral from DAS bookbinding (he is my go to for techniques and he has the most soothing Australian accent as well, though fair warning not all of his videos are for beginners): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4ZPdbaM-Ws

long stitch (even number of holes) for this one I used long stitch and I had a cover. this one is my favourite variation because I can make these pretty and simple covers and the stitch looks nice on the outside as well, so this one scratches the 'i want to make a book' itch for me.

here's a tutorial that also includes a how to on a cover that is different from my cover: https://lccprintmaking.myblog.arts.ac.uk/files/2020/06/Long-Stitch-Tutorial-A4.pdf DAS also has a video tutorial for long stitch but it's like three videos long, maybe watch it later :'D  here's one I haven't watched but seems decent: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnignTL_wDQ

you can use saddle stitch for this kind of pamphlet as well, that's what I did for dozens of ships and hundreds of souls (https://ashmouthbooks.tumblr.com/post/681587080267202560).

I hope this helped!!

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Hi Derrin! Have you talked much about your experience with publishing and the business-y stuff like that before? If so,,, any chance you can drop a link/reblog the relevant post?

Oh I am not the right person to ask about that. You'd be better off asking someone like @thebibliosphere if you're looking to go into indie/self-publishing, or maybe someone like @dduane for traditional publishing.

The thing you gotta understand about me is that I got into this by accident and I fundamentally do not know or understand what I'm doing. It was never my intention to publish my stories as books, they were not written or designed to be books. I write web serials. My primary income stream is not book sales, it's patreon/ko-fi support. For my web serials.

My stories exist as ebooks and in print for one reason and one reason only -- the readers asked for them. People were copy-pasting them into documents to convert to read on their ereaders, and asking my permission to print and hand bind them for their bookshelves. I print them to meet a demand, not to make money -- I do make money as a writer, but as I said, it's through ko-fi and patreon supporters, which is a fundamentally different income stream that requires fundamentally different strategies. I don't know much about printing or distribution, or price setting or storefronts, or basic book marketing, because that's not my industry, it's something I'm taking advantage of to create a product that the people supporting me via other means happen to also, incidentally, want.

If you're looking to get into self publishing as an industry, you'll want to talk to someone who makes that their career. Not me, I'm just fucking around and I'd give you incredibly bad advice.

[sillyjpeg]

BILL'S SOUL CONTRACT DECODED.

I was planning on doing this at some point, so here is the entirety of bills soul contract decoded! here is the contract just for reference:

if this flops i WILL cry, i spent 3 hours on this.

but here is the entire decoded version:

YOU ARE NOW TWENTY ONE GRAMS LIGHTER

THIS CONTRACT US LEGAL AND BINDING, WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO USE YOUR LIKENESS, FACE, VOICE, AND SMALL TOWN PLUCK IN WHATEVER NEFARIOUS MANNER IS DEEMED NECESSARY. SANE SOUL, YOUR SOULMATE WILL NOT RECOGNIZE YOU AND WILL WALK RIGHT PAST YOU ON A COLD AUTUMN DAY, NEVER MAKING EYE CONTACT. NOT EVER PROCESSING THAT YOU HAVE EYES AT ALL. NO AMOUNT OF INTERACTION WILL MOVE THEM TO A PLACE WHERE THEY CAN REMEMBER. IN FEELING, THE THOUSANDS OF LIFETIMES YOU HAVE ALREADY SPENT TOGETHER, EACH TIME CHOOSING WHATEVER FORM WOULD KEEP YOU CLOSEST LIKE OTTERS HOLDING HANDS IN A TUMULTUOUS RIVER. YOU WERE BIRDS, YOU WERE TREES WITH ROOTS ENTANGLED, DRINKING IN THE SUNLIGHT TOGETHER. WHEREVER WE GO NEXT, WHEREVER YOU CHOOSE, I WILL ALWAYS BE RIGHT THERE WITH YOU!!

THATS DONE. BUDDY, CONGRATULATIONS. YOU HAVE CHOSEN BILL INSTEAD. MCDONALDS RESERVES THE RIGHT TO PUT A GIANT YELLOW M ON YOUR TORSO AND FOREHEAD AND SEND YOU WALKING THROUGH A CROWDED TIMES SQUARE WHILE YOU SCREAM “THE FRIES, THE FRIES! THEY DON'T DEGRADE IN NATURE!!! ITS AN IMMORTAL FOOD!!! THAT WILL BE IN THE LANDFILLS LONG PAST OUR DEATHS!” GOOD GOD. THE THINGS I'VE SEEN. ME? WHO AM I? OH IM BILL’S PREVIOUS LAWYER. HE PUT MY SOUL INTO A QUILL PEN SO I CAN WRITE HIS LEGAL DOCUMENTS UNTIL THE SUN SNUFFS OUT LIKE A CANDLE IN THIS SICK UNIVERSE. I USED TO BE SO HOT. I WAS SO FINE. NOW I’M FINE PRINT. BILL RESERVES THE RIGHT TO PUT YOUR SOUL INTO AN INANIMATE OBJECT, A STRANGE CREATURE, A CONCEPT, A SENTENCE, A TASTEFUL BUT RUSTIC MASON JAR WITH WILDFLOWERS IN IT.

IF AT ANY POINT YOU WISH TO HAVE VISITATION RIGHTS WITH YOUR SOUL, YOU WILL BE SWIFTLY DENIED. UNLESS YOU HAD A COOL SAY PLANNED FOR THE BOTH OF YOU. THEN BILL MIGHT WANT TO COME ALONG. BY SIGNING THIS DOCUMENT YOU FORFEIT ANY RIGHTS TO EATING SOUL FOOD. IT WILL TURN TO ASK IN YOUR MOUTH. A FITTING PUNISHMENT FOR A FOOL WHO SQUANDERED THE ONLY TRUE GIFT LIFE OWES YOU. BILL RESERVES THE RIGHT TO DRESS YOUR SOUL HOWEVER HE DEEMS NECESSARY. ESPECIALLY IF YOUR SOUL WAS A NERD BEFORE ACQUISITION. SOULMAKEOVERRR! YOUR SOUL MAY BECOME FRACTURED AND PLACED INTO DIFFERENT OBJECTS. THIS HAS NO PURPOSE AND WILL NOT RESURRECT YOU IF YOU DIE. SIGNEE HAS FORFEITED ALL RIGHTS TO ANY AFTERLIFE. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: HEAVEN, HELL, PURGATORY, BIG CORNER, FLOW STATE, THE DREAM HOUSE, AXOLOTLS TANK AND CONSEQUENCES HOLE.

SIGNEE CAN NO LONGER BOARD ANY SOUL TRAIN AND IS ADVISED TO DISCARD ALL BELLBOTTOMS. SIGNEE CAN NO LONGER HAVE A PUPPY AS A BEST FRIEND, THEY CAN SENSE WHAT IS GONE. CATS ARE INDIFFERENT. SIGNEE MAY EXPERIENCE OCCASIONAL DEMON POSSESSION FROM HORCULUS THE RED, PLABOS THE MERCILESS, MORBUS SON OF MORTEN, PLAGE THE OOAING AND OTHER SUCH COMMON DEMONS ROAMING EARTH SEARCHING FOR  EMPTY VESSELS.

TIPS FOR RIPPING YOUR SOUL OUT AT HOME: WATCHING YOUTUBE COMMENTARY CHANNELS, ATTENDING AN EXTENDED FAMILY EVENT WITH AN OPEN BAR, USING GENERATIVE AI AND ASSERTING THAT YOU ARE CREATIVE, TURNING A BLIND EYE TO HUMAN SUFFERING, AMASSING MORE WEALTH THAN NEEDED, PURCHASING A BLUE CHECKMARK.

i was giggling decoding this, and my hand is now cramping. the punctuation is based on whatever i was feeling and made sense, comment if i translated something wrong.

[itsyagurlchip]

Slides in

Heyyy poookieeeee

I have a request for you

I receive/request: a Vox x GN!Reader who died and is in hell and got magic thing because they were into the occult when alive. Vox is “mildly” intrigued because they’re making a splash in the pride ring. (I love the magic x tech dynamic, very silly)

You receive: Likes, reblogs, shit ton of support and me blogging tf out of the request. Me going insane over the request.

☀︎⋆.ೃ࿔*:･Aw, Poor You, Go Suck It☀︎⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

ᯓᡣ𐭩warnings: 16+(!) suggestive stuff(!) valentino(!) cussing(!) badass reader(!) lots of words(!)

ᯓᡣ𐭩Ace...Ace my dear. THANK YOU SO MUCH!! AUGHH IM GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN WRITING THISSS AUGHHHHH-AJDKNJDEHWJDBIWXDNEHIDIWEHNDXZIM ok ok ok, since they'e only meeting there won't be too much fluff or anything really, just a simple scenario. The reader's gender wasn't specified, so go nuts! I LOVE YOU ACE/p <333

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You know how Vox acts up over people he likes? Ermm... yea, wellllll- Turns out, you're currently overselling his business AND you're hot. wait what?

Typing out documents at your desk, you sighed at the amount of paper work you had. 'Magic could do cool things, but not files' you guessed. Things around your office float around you in green magic, carrying out various tasks, like organizing said papers. 'But atleast I don't have to organize this shit.'

Suddenly, your double doors busted open, revealing a robot man? You pushed up your glasses a bit with a grimace. He marched in, electricity crackling around him as he stood up to your desk. He pounded a gloved fist onto your papers, making a brown to black singe appear on them.

You growled deeply, you just finished those!

"Did you schedule a meeting?" You said with a leveled voice. Sure you were pissed right now, but you didn't want to deal with much else this afternoon, nonetheless a petty fight with a bitch.

"No?" He said, the sparks going away in his bout of confusion. "You little- You're overselling my-" You cut him off.

"Then get. Out. Now." You flicked your wrist, with all the magic in the room dropping what it was holding, before speeding to the TV head who yelled in surprise.

"What? Fu- No!" He growled, the green magic tightening him into a stiff line, shooting him out to the room back to the elevator. He cursed profanities, the basic ones like whore and and bitch, as you rolled your eyes and shut your doors again. 'At least be creative and add the insults with flavor.'

Finally, quiet from a whining glorified crack ipad kid tablet.

"Jeez, the intolerable ass crouton." You sigh deeply, getting your anger together before getting back to work, typing and printing those papers.

ᯓᡣ𐭩

It was a week later, and nothing about the incident stayed on your mind. Infact, you were in your potion factory figuring out ways to outsell this new "love potion". Oh how you loved pissing corporate businesses off. No one even knew that you were running a "monopoly" by definition, as the CEO's of your multibusiness ran under many names.

'And those who know say nothing'. Those who were binded in contracts couldn't say anything, as they owe you from previous deals.

Your motto was; "Get the magic of a Sin, for the price of the poor". It may have been a bit deprecating, but it sells. Greatly.

Its always nice to see big man faces fall when they see that magic is often more superior in certain aspects of life. It's cheaper, more effective, and best of all; it sells more. That thought made a grin spread throughout your face. Maybe that's why you were cast into Hell; for greed. Either that or the demonic occult group you often participated in on the surface.

No matter, you were richer in this life so the past didn't concern you too much. You came into Hell not too long ago, so it became a surprise for many when you built your business in just a few weeks! You became an Overlord quickly.

With your business, and souls in your hands, you began to grow bigger in popularity! Which sparked interest in some unwanted people. It turns out, and you caught this one on the news, that the person who barged into your office was named Vox; The Innovation Overlord. And despite the "innovation" impact he's made, you still had way more clients than him by thousands.

Just as you were about to sprinkle some glitter into a bottle for a little decoration, one of your assistants rushed in with a rushed appearance, clearly shaken.

"Um, excuse me Mx. Alchemist Overlord? U-um, there's a message for you by a fellow competitor." She stuttered out, with her tail wrapping around her leg for stability. An envelope with a bright blue V was stamped with red wax. Interesting.

"From who?" You asked.

"...VoxTek Enterprises.." She cowered, as if you had something to worry about. Your smile grew, the afterlife just kept getting better!

"Thank you. You may go back to your desk now." You said with a smirk, patting her head as she walked away. You walked out of the room and into the hallway, walking towards the elevator. Strutting to your office, you closed your doors and sat down.

'Why didn't I just teleport?' You thought absentmindedly, leaning back in your chair and opening the letter. The entry read;

"Dear Alchemist..... I have a deal for you"

ᯓᡣ𐭩

You looked up at the VoxTek building. On the outside, you remained calm and leveled, with a small tinge of cockiness peeking out. On the inside, you were highly amused, and quite frankly, embarrassed for this guy. He has 2 other overlords on his side, and yet he still begs for power?

You huffed out part of a laugh, before skating your head and walking in. The place looked tacky to you. Really? The "V Tower"? This guy has to be stuck in his teenage years! It was too laughable really.

Sauntering over to the secretary, you were able to get the floor number as well as the meeting room location. Thanking her, you walked over to the elevator and pressed the highest floor.

'It seems he took my advice and scheduled a meeting.' You thought, looking up towards the camera in the corner. Oh, so the flatcreen flatass wanted to spy on you? You'll give him a show then.

You raised your head higher at the camera, lidding your eyes as slowly as you could. Taking your finger, you opened your mouth to drag it across your tongue. Pulling it away from your mouth, you let the saliva drip down onto the floor. The camera fizzled and powered down, with steam flowing from the top.

'Pathetic', you thought. And the elevator doors opened as a fluffy person in a pink robe walked in, looking tired out. A taller moth guy walked in right behind them. He was bald.

"Hello cariñe~ And what's a sexy tesoro like you doing here?" He said lowly, leaning towards you in interest. You simply ignored him as the doors closed once more.

"No answer? Ai, the feisty one aren't they Angel?" He said threateningly, talking to the other person who complied and agreed. You weren't phased. The door opened to the highest floor, signaling your leave.

"Puta." You heard him mumble, before the doors closed once I more. At least you know who Valentino is now. You scoffed before walking towards a door, with a gold label titled "Vox". This is the one for sure. Weren't one of the overlords a fashion designer? Surely they could've designed the building with more creativity.

You didn't want to touch the knob, not if that moth touched it, so you flicked your wrist as your green magic opened it for you.

Walking in, you realized you hated this building so much. The guy had sharks in tanks! In an electronic filled building. You sneered as you walked into the room rationally, not needing to make too much of a scene yet.

In front of you was the one you came here for; Vox. He had a bluescreen as his head rested on his shoulder. You snapped, and he jerked up- his face showing a loading screen.

'Oh for the love of-'

He was finally "online" with his face scrunching in confusion, before looking to you and smirking. You gestured for him to start, as you time was valuable.

"Right! So, the deal-"

"No"

"If we come toge- Wait what?"

"I said no, you glass backboard."

"Why?"

"You aren't worth my time, nor my product. Thank you for already wasting one of those." You turned to walk away before he teleported in front of you.

"B-But we can go so perfect together! Both of our businesses collaborating together!" He said, stepping towards you as he spoke. His tone was getting desperate and angry.

"So?" You said keeping your voice bold, his tone was pissing you off. It screamed "weak" and "dependent". You bet his whole enterprise could fall over if one of the "Heathers" went out of commission for a while.

"So- Partner with me! Not only would we look good together- I mean- You could have so much more sells! Imagine the cash that would flow in if the people saw magic and technology working together!" He grabbed your hands and put them together. He pushed you against the wall. "I know that magic doesn't fix all problems. Why not use technology to fill in the rest?" he was now in your face, one of his eyes swirling and enlarging. Looking at both eyes, you tched.

'Ha. Enlarging'

"You know what doesn't fix all problems? The setbacks you and your machines have." You snatched your hands back, wiping them on your coat. Flipping him on the wall, you poked his chest. "Sure, they make life easier. Whoopdy doo! But the moment the wifi turns off, it's lights out for you."

You could only hear his labored breathing. Was this motherfucker horny? You rolled your eyes and kept going.

"So who would look better? Me and my stable industry? Or you and your Lego built one?" You ran a finger down from his chest to his stomach. "All I need to do is pull. One. Piece. Out." You stepped away, walking towards the door once more. "Aw..Poor you." You frowned mockingly and looked him up and down, before laughing maliciously.

He was against the wall breathing heavily, with animated sweats rolling down his screen. Disgusting, couldn't even stay professional.

"Your business means nothing to me Vox." You said, walking through and going back to the tower entrance.

Vox was pretty sure he was hard right now.

I know you said mildly interested- but I couldn't help it! While I did want to relate Vox's dynamic with Alastor with reader's, it didn't feel too right so I took another approach!

I feel like this version of the reader has a sick love for power imbalance, and people wanting to reach the level that they're at. Despite that, they don't really care for people more powerful than them, they just mind their business on that part. Even more, reader is sex repulsed, so when they see others in their feel, they can't help but tease <3

I usually don't do time skips, so this also felt kinda odd- but I still loved writing this so much! I might actually write a fic about this. Thank you again for the request Ace <333 I hope you liked it!!

૮₍˶• .•⑅₎ა tags: @kittykittyanon @bonefanatic @oleander-nin @towomatos @thealphagirl

૮₍˶• .•⑅₎ა@ziipzeepzop-eez @wheezdostuff @spongejuice @cyb3r-st4r @matteo-hamato

@clown-froggi

if you would like to be added, check my blog. if you would like to be added, check my blog. SEE? I SAID IT TWICE!!

[love-takes-work]

The Steven Universe Unofficial Cookbook

Your reminder that a fan-made Steven Universe Cookbook exists and you can download it for free, print it out and bind it if you want, and make fun Steveny things.

Get your copy for free in digital form at Dropbox or Google Drive.

Notes about it:

It has every recipe from the show that you could possibly think of.

It is illustrated with images from the show and photos of the actual food.

It has a "classics" section for the most popular items, followed by less recognizable recipes, a section inspired by SU, an incidentals section, a section for the unseen recipes, a "gross don't make these" section, and a short party-planning section with printable food labels.

The table of contents is extensive and clickable for the digital version.

It can be printed 2-sided (recommended) and is over 120 pages long.

You are welcome to ask "does it have X recipe in it?" but the answer will be yes.

It does not claim to be an official document obviously. This is one fan's labor of love and I have personally made every single one of these 150+ recipes. I don't make any money from it. I just want you to have it.

[unheavenlycreatures]

Just in case anyone wanted to know what the fine print of this entire long contract says without wasting roughly one million hours of their precious time: i still have this cipher memorized, so, you're welcome. I took liberties re the punctuation, as all punctuation marks are the same symbol.

YOU ARE NOW TWENTY ONE GRAMS LIGHTER

THIS CONTRACT IS LEGAL AND BINDING. WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO USE YOUR LIKENESS, FACE, VOICE AND SMALL TOWN PLUCK IN WHATEVER NEFARIOUS MANNER IS DEEMED NECESSARY.

SANS SOUL, YOUR SOULMATE WILL NOT RECOGNIZE YOU AND WILL WALK RIGHT PAST YOU ON A COLD AUTUMN DAY, NEVER MAKING EYE CONTACT, NEVER EVEN PROCESSING THAT YOU HAVE EYES AT ALL. NO AMOUNT OF INTERACTION WILL MOVE THEM TO A PLACE WHERE THEY CAN REMEMBER, IN FEELING, THE THOUSANDS OF LIFETIMES YOU HAVE ALREADY SPENT TOGETHER, EACH TIME CHOOSING WHATEVER FORM WOULD KEEP YOU CLOSEST LIKE OTTERS HOLDING HANDS IN A TUMULTUOUS RIVER. YOU WERE BIRDS, YOU WERE TREES WITH ROOTS ENTANGLED, DRINKING IN THE SUNLIGHT TOGETHER. WHEREVER WE GO NEXT, WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE, I WILL ALWAYS BE RIGHT THERE WITH YOU--THAT'S DONE, BUDDY. CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE CHOSEN BILL INSTEAD.

MCDONALDS RESERVES THE RIGHT TO PUT A GIANT YELLOW M ON YOUR TORSO AND FOREHEAD AND SEND YOU WALKING THROUGH A CROWDED TIMES SQUARE WHILE YOU SCREAM "THE FRIES! THE FRIES! THEY DON'T DEGRADE IN NATURE!!! IT'S AN IMMORTAL FOOD!!! THEY WILL BE IN THE LANDFILLS LONG LONG PAST OUR DEATHS!"

GOOD GOD. THE THINGS I'VE SEEN. ME? WHO AM I? OH I'M BILL'S PREVIOUS LAWYER. HE PUT MY SOUL INTO A QUILL PEN SO I CAN WRITE HIS LEGAL DOCUMENTS UNTIL THE SUN SNUFFS OUT LIKE A CANDLE IN THIS SICK UNIVERSE. I USED TO BE SO HOT. I WAS SO FINE. NOW I'M FINE PRINT.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, BILL RESERVES THE RIGHT TO PUT YOUR SOUR SOUL INTO AN INANIMATE OBJECT, A STRANGE CREATURE, A CONCEPT, A SENTENCE, A TASTEFUL BUT RUSTIC MASON JAR WITH WILDFLOWERS IN IT. IF AT ANY POINT YOU WISH TO HAVE VISITATION RIGHTS WITH YOUR SOUL, YOU WILL BE SWIFTLY DENIED. UNLESS YOU HAD A COOL DAY PLANNED FOR THE BOTH OF YOU. THEN BILL MIGHT WANT TO COME ALONG.

BY SIGNING THIS DOCUMENT YOU FORFEIT ANY RIGHTS TO EATING SOUL FOOD. IT WILL TURN TO ASH IN YOUR MOUTH. A FITTING PUNISHMENT FOR A FOOL WHO SQUANDERED THE ONLY TRUE GIFT LIFE OWES YOU.

BILL RESERVES THE RIGHT TO DRESS YOUR SOUL HOWEVER HE DEEMS NECESSARY. ESPECIALLY IF YOUR SOUL WAS A NERD BEFORE ACQUISITION, SOUL MAKEOVERRR!

YOUR SOUL MAY BECOME FRACTURED AND PLACED INTO DIFFERENT OBJECTS. THIS HAS NO PURPOSE AND WILL NOT RESURRECT YOU IF YOU DIE. SIGNEE HAS FORFEITED ALL RIGHTS TO ANY AFTERLIFE, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: HEAVEN, HELL, PURGATORY, BIG CORNER, FLOW STATE, THE DREAM HOUSE, THE REINCARNATION PROCESSING CENTER, AXOLOTL'S TANK AND CONSEQUENCES HOLE. SIGNEE CAN NO LONGER BOARD THE SOUL TRAIN AND IS ADVISED TO DISCARD ALL BELLBOTTOMS. SIGNEE CAN NO LONGER HAVE A PUPPY AS A BEST FRIEND. THEY CAN SENSE WHAT IS GONE. CATS ARE INDIFFERENT.

SIGNEE MAY EXPERIENCE OCCASIONAL DEMON POSSESSIONS FROM HORCULUS THE RED, PLABUS THE MERCILESS, MORBUS SON OF MORTEM, PLAGA THE OOZING AND OTHER SUCH COMMON DEMONS ROAMING EARTH SEARCHING FOR WEAKENED, EMPTY VESSELS.

TIPS FOR RIPPING YOUR SOUL OUT AT HOME: WATCHING YOUTUBE COMMENTARY CHANNELS, ATTENDING AN EXTENDED FAMILY EVENT WITH AN OPEN BAR, USING GENERATIVE AI AND ASSERTING THAT YOU ARE CREATIVE, TURNING A BLIND EYE TO HUMAN SUFFERING, AMASSING MORE WEALTH THAN NEEDED, PURCHASING A BLUE CHECKMARK.

[zarvasace]

Hey gamers! Would you like your very own physical copy of a LU Shatterproof story?

Well then do I have the overdesigned project for you! This document has the same text as the AO3 story bonds, the Valentine’s 2024 special, but it has been sized and laid out correctly for a physical booklet! All you need is a printer that can print grayscale and double-sided, scissors, and maybe a stapler.

Find the PDF on Google drive here. (This is my creation, so please don't edit the PDF or remove credit thank you! If you want a different layout or something let me know and I might be able to hook you up!)

Instructions for assembly below the cut.

Download the PDF and press the print button. (The file is called "240225_bondsquarto2_typeset")

If you'll notice, the pages are all out of order. That's because it's meant to be folded in a specific way! (Troubleshooting: I noticed that opening this pdf in Firefox took out some of the words, specifically in Legend's section. I suggest opening in Edge or Chrome or something.)

Print Settings:

Portrait layout

Double-sided: print on both sides, SHORT edge flipping.

Letter paper size.

Fit to printable area for most printers (will have a white border on some edges) or actual size if your printer can go edge-to-edge. Messing with margins and trying to get that right is what took me forever. You could fit to printable area and then trim the margins off if you really feel like it.

1 page per sheet.

You should end up with two sheets that look like this:

Fold the first sheet short edge to short edge. Crease that really well, then open it up and cut it nicely along the crease. A straight edge cutter, or ruler and blade, would be nice but I just did scissors.

Progress so far:

Now fold and cut the other sheet exactly the same way. Arrange the pieces in this order:

Now set them all nicely together and fold all of it in half. You could do each sheet one by one but it isn't that long. Make sure to crease that fold really well!

Then staple or sew the edges, or bind however else you want. I used a stapler. Red thread would be really thematic though.

And ta da! You have your very own limited edition copy of bonds! :)

Last step: take photos and tag me so I can see how you did it!!

[bamsara]

Desperately want to learn to bookbind so I can bind solar lunacy and your iz series (and @dana-chan-the-control-brain tech support if they give permission) but I am so intimidated- what resources/research are you looking into to get started?

WATCH THIS VIDEO RN

I already know a bit of bookbinding because I made some sorta leather old-timey sketchbooks for @skyybridge a year or so ago for Christmas, so I can put the pages and cover together but for actaul text blocks I'm lost. I'm using this video to help walk me through prepping the fic into a book format ready for printing (which, you guys won't have to worry about doing cause I'll just upload the finished format, though mine won't have any of my art in it so take that as what you will, or edit it to have so)

Currently: I've finished the proof reading for the fic and now I'm at the assorting it into proper pages in word document and turning it into signature pages part

[it-was-too-cold-always]

Always Read the Fine Print Chapter 1

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Who actually reads all the terms and conditions? After mindlessly checking a box years ago, our Reader unintentionally agrees to be part of a scientific study to create super soldier babies. To make matters worse, her fellow test subject is the brooding and intimidating Bucky Barnes.

Warnings: arranged marriage, eventual smut, lots of angst

A genetic test for antidepressants. That's what got you into this mess. When the paperwork asked if you wanted to use your data to "contribute to future studies," you thought sure, whatever I can do to help. Little did you realize that those studies had absolutely nothing to do with antidepressants. What you also didn't realize is that little box you checked was legally binding.

It was a completely boring Wednesday when you received a fancy letter with the S.H.I.E.L.D. logo inviting you to participate in "a scientific study that could change the future." Get some bloodwork done, maybe answer a few questionnaires, what more could they need from you? In hindsight, you should've questioned why they'd need you to fly you out just for that. But the fact that the study was from S.H.I.E.L.D. made you giddy - yes, you were a major Captain America fan. In fact, growing up you've done several school projects on Captain America and the Howling Commandos. You always thought his right hand man, James Buchanan Barnes, was the most handsome of the group, and of course your friends gave you plenty of shit for having a crush on a guy from the 1940s. So yes, you were very much excited to go.

Once your plane landed, you were taken right to S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters. Damn, this study really must be a big deal. You were escorted to a small room with no windows. There was a round table with four chairs, a very fake-looking plant, and some nondescript art hanging on the walls. For being such an impressive building, this room was mediocre at best. You sat in a chair facing the door, anxiously wringing your hands and trying to dispel nervous energy. Right as you let your mind start to wander, a man in a suit walked through the door and greeted you. He held a locked briefcase that he set gently on the table. Sitting across from you, he opened the briefcase and pulled out a folder stuffed with papers. His nonchalant attitude calmed you down. Just some boring paperwork, you thought, nothing crazy. The first packet he pulled out looked familiar - it was the paperwork from the genetic testing you did years ago. You saw your signature at the bottom of the page. Then he pulled out other packets of paper and set a pen in front of you. You were trying to gather what it might be by the questions he was asking, but you were still clueless. Do you have a history of seizures? Are you or could you be pregnant? Do you have asthma? High blood pressure? Those are so generic it could be anything. He started flipping through the pages and pointing to where you needed to sign. Did you ask why? Nope. Did you question it at any moment? Absolutely not. You signed all over those documents and never considered that it wouldn't be in your best interest. Once you were done, you were escorted into an exam room. This is what you were expecting. They did a physical and some lab work and asked even more questions. They told you to get dressed and a car will take you to your hotel room. They'd give me a call tomorrow when the results come in, and we'll go from there. Easy enough, I can spend the rest of the day to myself. The anxiety of what tomorrow could bring was eating you up, but you willed yourself to go to a local restaurant and walk around. This was partially a vacation, after all.

The next morning, you got up early. You contemplated sleeping in, putting your phone on loud so you don't miss their call, but your nerves got the best of you. You showered, got dressed, put on some makeup, and headed down to the lobby for complementary breakfast. By the time you were done eating, it was 9 AM. Still no call. Give them time, you thought. You headed back up to your room and decided to read your book. Lame, you're in a new city and reading in a hotel room, but what if they called? You had to be ready. Just as you were really getting into your book, your phone rang. You jumped from the sudden noise in your quiet room. Quickly calming yourself, you answered the phone. The results were in, and a car would be at your hotel in 15 minutes. Finally, the wait was over.

Unlike the last time, you were escorted to a room with giant windows overlooking the city. You once again sat across the table to face the door, mentally preparing yourself for whatever came next. Nothing exciting, it's literally going to be more paperwork, you told yourself. Stop hyping yourself up over nothing. Once again, a man in a suit walked through the door. This one seemed just as indifferent as the last one.

"The results came back, and we're quite impressed. You're the perfect candidate for our study. In fact, you're the only one in this group of recruits that match our criteria. You've been cleared to move forward," the man said.

That's good, right? You inquired about the next steps, which again seemed vague. You were told that you'd get to meet your fellow candidate and get acquainted, and the experiment can begin shortly after. But then he started saying things that made you realize you made a horrible mistake: "potential for a viable pregnancy" and "genetics that could withstand the serum" were the only two you heard, after that you couldn't pay attention. What the fuck. What the actual fuck.

Your spiraling thoughts were interrupted by two men walking through the door. They helped you out of your chair and lead you down the hall to a room that already had people inside. You were too dazed to actually look at who was in the room, you just sat down in the chair that was pulled out for you. At one point you realized someone had asked you a question.

"Sorry, what?"

"Have you been briefed about your duties in this study?' It was a tight-lipped woman standing at the head of the table.

"I think so," was the only response your little brain could spit out.

"Perfect, I believe Barnes has some stipulations regarding details of this experiment. Shall we discuss them?"

You snapped out of your daze and looked at the people sitting across from you. Holy shit. Bucky Barnes was staring right at you.

Chapter 2

[impale-me-radio-daddy]

Nothing Above the Knee

Inspired by @eggcats post on Vox's hoof worship, here is my radiostatic hoof fic. OG post can be found here.

⪫ Pairing: Alastor/Vox (Radiostatic)

⪫ Wordcount: 4k

⪫ Summary: Alastor wants something from Vox. All Vox asks in return is a few hours with Alastor's hooves.

⪫ Content notes: Explicit sexual content, hoof stuff, contractual obligation, interdigital scent gland play, hoof licking, hoof fucking, electrostimulation, Vox is very much on top here, did I mention this is about hooves?

“You’re slapping the contract down on the table?” Vox narrowed his eyes. “What are you, twelve?”

“You’re the one stipulating such a juvenile… thing,” said Alastor.

“It’s called a kink, Al,” said Vox, shaking his head.

“I suppose you always were a twisted one,” rejoined Alastor, a spark of something returning to his eye. “I’ve specified my own terms. I trust you remember how to read old fashioned paper contracts?”

“Not like I haven’t been an overlord for the better part of a decade now,” grumbled Vox, to Alastor’s terse smile. He picked up the sheaf of paper, reading through it. He knew Alastor well enough to pay attention to the fine print. He didn’t expect any cheap shots in the clauses, no I own Vox’s soul forever with no conditions, Al was too classy for that kind of bullshit, but that didn’t stop Vox looking for them, out of force of habit.

The meat of the contract was as Vox had initially proposed; Vox would get to look, touch and manipulate Alastor’s hooves as he saw fit, between the proposed times, a binding nondisclosure clause preventing either of them broadcasting the event during or after the fact, with an exception for recordings for personal use. In return, Vox would owe a favor of Alastor’s choosing; nothing suicidal, nothing that would cost above a certain price, a list of caveats that went on for a page and a half. Vox stopped when he got to the clauses Alastor had added, reading them through a second time. “Nothing above the knee, huh?”

Alastor lowered his eyelashes. “Since you only seemed interested in my… hooves… I thought it was a fair addition.”

Vox grinned to himself, sensing the discomfort that radiated from Alastor as he ran through the wording. “No-one gets to touch you above the knee, your pants stay on throughout the act… you realize that this applies to you, too, right?”

Alastor sniffed. “If you’re implying that your inept pawings might cause me to become so overcome with lust that I divest myself of all dignity and jump into your arms, Vox, then you’re a bigger narcissist than I feared.”

The truth lay low and unpleasant between them, unacknowledged by either party. Alastor needed the other end of the contract, needed the unspecified favor from Vox, or he wouldn't be here.

And much as Vox would have enjoyed Alastor's complete subjugation, he suspected that the man would rather die than endure it. Which led them to this interesting compromise. It was something he had wanted for a long time; even when they had been friends, he had fantasized about that part of Alastor's body. And, as Velvette liked to say, you were only unalived once.

“I'm surprised you didn't put in a clause stopping me inflicting pain,” said Vox.

Alastor shrugged. “I've never seen you torture someone when you didn't have to. You're not much of a sadist, old chum.”

“I could prove you wrong,” said Vox, an eyebrow raised.

“But you won't,” said Alastor, comfortably. “Are you going to sign it?”

Vox produced a pen with a flourish, blue electricity sparking around it. “One more stipulation. You have to be paying attention. The whole time. No tuning out.” He added the line to the bottom of the document.

“As you insist,” said Alastor, his voice level.

Vox grinned and signed his name, sliding the contract and pen across to Alastor, who signed in turn. Their human names. Not in blood. This wasn't a contract for their souls, after all. Just a favor for a favor.

And nothing above the knee.

There was something about kneeling between Alastor's legs that made Vox feel a little light-headed, even if it was simply to remove his shoes. The signal that Alastor gave off at close range was so strong that it was nearly tangible to Vox, his antennae giving a soft quiver as he bowed his head, taking Alastor's right hoof in his hands, the sole of his boot against Vox’s palm.

Alastor didn't seem immune to the tension either, his red eyes lighting with something like interest as he looked down from his seat on the edge of the bed, his ankle flexing to allow Vox to pull off his boot. He wore black cotton socks with nearly no elastic to them, a sight that made Vox start, his gaze running up Alastor's leg to the knee.

Vox ran his hand up Alastor's shin, the bump under the fabric of his trousers confirming his suspicions. “You're wearing fucking sock garters?”

“Is there something wrong with that?”

“Oh, you freaky fucker.” Vox swallowed an error message. “You have no idea how fucking hot that is.”

The sock was shaped to accommodate a hoof rather than a human foot, the toe wide for the spread of the standing toes, a woven circle at the back to protect the dewclaws and allow for the ankle.

Vox cuffed the leg of Alastor's trouser, rolling it up to the knee, staring all the while at the gracile limb beneath.

Taupe skin faded into dark fur, the slenderness of it making Vox's breath catch in his throat. He could wrap his fingers around the limb at any point. Cradling Alastor's calf in his palm and along his forearm, he lifted the hoof to his lips and breathed in.

Holy fuck, the smell. Even through the cotton, Vox could smell Alastor's musk, deep and earthy and pungent. Vox pressed in with his screen, until Alastor's hoof pressed squarely between his eyes, a groan escaping his lips as he felt his cock twitch to half mast just from the sensation.

Alastor himself was meticulously clean, Vox knew, but part of the curse of a deer body was the scent glands, constantly excreting musk that would help an earthly deer find its way but held little use for a demonic one. It was why Alastor rarely removed his shoes. It was also why, when Vox opened his eyes to look back at Alastor, he found the smile strained, eyes wide, a flush of embarrassment coloring his cheeks. Fuck, that was almost better than the smell.

“I love the smell of you, Al,” Vox purred, reaching for the clasps on Alastor’s sock garter. “You’re fucking musky, ripe, you stink like a damn animal. I am so fucking hard right now.”

“I can see that,” said Alastor, his smile fixed. “I don’t need you to tell me.”

“Oh, but the contract says I can talk as much as I fucking want. So I’m gonna talk.” Slowly, as if unwrapping a gift, Vox pulled the sock from Alastor’s hoof, eyes widening as he took in the sight.

Alastor’s standing nails were perfectly formed, the same crimson as his fingernails and lustrous, a beautiful end to the long, elegant limb.

“Holy shit, you are fucking beautiful,” breathed Vox, running his hands over the hoof, fingers over the smooth keratin, round and into the fleshy pads behind the standing nails. He felt Alastor shiver at the touch, and made a mental note to probe there some more later. “You have no idea how fucking perfect you are.”

He stripped Alastor’s other hoof in a similar manner and pressed his lips to each of them, learning the shape of them with his hands as he praised them.

“Are you quite done?”

“Oh, you’re bored?” asked Vox, taking a slender hoof in his hands and feeling the arch, the space between the crimson dewclaws and the pads beneath the standing toes. “Let’s see if I can fix that for you, Al.” With a grin, he pushed the knuckle of his thumb between the tendons in the arch, pushing hard into the flesh as he stroked up and down.

A strangled hiss from Alastor was his reward, another shiver through the Radio Demon’s body. “What’s that, Al?” Vox teased. “Speechless for once?”

“No, I-” Alastor started, but Vox picked the moment to push his knuckle into the pad of Alastor’s standing toe, and Alastor gave a little gasp instead, a noise that went right to Vox’s already hard cock.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were enjoying this, Al,” said Vox, continuing the massage with a smirk.

“Fuck you,” Alastor snarled, his grin dangerous and sharp.

“Not on the menu tonight,” said Vox, his answering grin triumphant, his fingers kneading the pads of Alastor’s standing toes. “Nothing above the knee, remember? So, instead-” Vox ran fingertips over the red of Alastor’s nails, tracing the gap between the two. “Instead you get this.”

Vox pushed a finger between the two crimson nails, spreading the hoof apart, and grinning as he felt the fur around Alastor’s scent gland, oily and slick with his musk. The noise that Alastor made was everything; as if Alastor had just tuned to the wrong station, his voice thick with distortion. “What are you doing to me?”

Looking up, Vox noticed two things. First, Alastor was angry, antlers branching, eyes black with glowing red dials. Second, Alastor was hard.

“Holy shit. Fuck. Christ.” Vox stared. Al’s cock was pitching an impressive tent in his pants; any larger and he would be threatening to tear the seams. Vox had expected Alastor to endure the attention, maybe enjoy the hoof rub in a sensual sort of way, maybe be embarrassed. Not for it to do something for him. From Alastor’s expression, he hadn’t been expecting this either. Vox realized he was salivating, and swallowed.

Vox pushed his fingertip further into the gap between Alastor’s toes, feeling the weeping slit of his scent gland, the stink from the hoof intensifying as Vox smeared the musk back and forth.

“You frivolous piece of technological frippery- ngh!” Alastor’s grin was unhinged now, gums bared as well as teeth.

“I’m just doing what you agreed I could,” said Vox, drinking in the scene before him, glad he wasn’t the one coming apart at the seams this time. He kept his fingers moving, back and forth, looking at the spread of Alastor’s beautiful toes. “Speaking of which, uh…” Vox trailed off. His cock could fit between them, at a stretch. “You didn’t stipulate that I couldn’t use your hooves to jack off.”

Alastor was silent, but the widening of his eyes told Vox that he hadn’t considered the possibility. His poker face wasn’t that good, smile or no.

“If you object, I won’t,” said Vox, quietly. “I’m an asshole, not a monster.”

Alastor gave an annoyed little huff, staring at the two fingers that Vox had wedged between his toes. “I signed the contract. I don’t need your pity.”

Vox smiled when he heard it. “Atta boy,” he growled, spreading Alastor’s toes further apart as he freed his cock from his pants. His first glimpse of the slit of Al’s scent gland, the whitish discharge beading on it like dew, set an ache to the base of his cock, and he swore under his breath. “Oh, that’s fucking pretty, Al. Jesus, look at you.”

Vox lifted the hoof to his face, fingers still forcing the standing nails apart, and opened his mouth, curling his tongue into the gap. Oh, Alastor tasted fucking filthy, organic and overwhelmingly male. If Vox’s head had been biological, the combination of smell and taste would have made him gag, but as it was, he simply pushed away the mounting pile of error messages, keeping his senses as highly tuned as he could without shutting down entirely, feeling the emotion in his gut flicker from disgust to arousal and back again like a fucking metronome. The stink was soaking into his casing; he was going to smell like hoof for weeks. Tongue laving wet between Alastor’s toes, Vox groaned, teasing the slit of the scent gland as he made the crevice nice and slick for his cock.

From a secondary camera, Vox watched Alastor’s face, the quivering at the corners of his smile, the bobbing of his larynx. The tent in his pants, where an honest-to-god wet spot was forming, dark against the red. Alastor reached for his own crotch, looking to find friction, only to have his wrists snapped back into place by the chains of their contract. Vox groaned into the crevice of Alastor’s hoof as he watched Al snarl at the chains, hand going to his own cock and giving it a slow pump as he drew his head back.

“I’d love to help with that,” leered Vox, Alastor’s ankle still in his hand. “But no-one touches you above the knee, Al, not even you. You put it in the contract yourself.”

Alastor stared down at him, dial-eyed. “Fuck you, you tacky rectangle fuck.”

“Is this your idea of dirty talk?” Vox matched Alastor’s grin as he lowered Alastor’s hoof to his dick, a shock through his system as he made contact, pushing his dribbling glans against the pads on the undersides of Al’s standing toes, rubbing small circles into the yielding flesh there. Alastor made a soft, animal noise in his throat, and Vox guided himself to the gap between the toes, rubbing his glans there. “Haah- I think you need practice.”

“Why?” Alastor’s gaze on him was intense, even as his breath huffed between his teeth. “It seems to be working, after all.”

Vox glitched, freezing for a second before shaking it off. How the fuck did Alastor always seem to know just how to get under his skin? Vox watched Alastor’s face as he smeared his glans between Alastor’s spread toes, the pearly white of Alastor’s musk mixing with the neon blue of his precum, back and forth until the space was slick with it and Vox could push the shaft of his cock between Alastor’s toes without much friction. The contract compelled Alastor to watch, so he did, his hips rolling futile as he sought friction the air above him could not give him.

“You’re looking pretty out of it there, Al,” teased Vox. “Sure you don’t want any help?”

“What-” said Alastor, chest heaving, monocle askew. “-can you do to help, Vox?”

“Roll over,” said Vox, sitting back a little. “You can hump the mattress.”

Alastor gave a radio hiss. “Fuck you.”

“Would love to, believe me,” Vox shot back.

“The contract says I have to watch you.”

“Is that all?” Vox snapped his fingers, feeding his visual inputs through to the screen on the wall on the other side of the bed, his view of Alastor’s hoof, the lustrous crimson of his standing nails spread apart with Vox’s shaft between them, Vox’s electric blue claws wrapped around Alastor’s slender arch. “There- that should count.”

Alastor glanced at the screen, then back at Vox. “Are you going soft?” Alastor hissed. “Why give mercy? You want to humiliate me.”

“Says who? Says you?” Vox pulled a face, stroking his hand up the delicate bones of Alastor’s ankle. “I’m not here to play carnival freak show dominant, Al- god knows I get enough of that at home. I just wanna worship your hooves.”

“And stick your garish dick between my toes.”

“Yeah. And stick my garish dick between your toes, so sue me.” Vox shrugged. Just hearing Alastor say dick was a pleasant little throb. “I think you’re enjoying this, Al. Tell me I’m wrong.”

Another heave of Alastor’s chest. “You’re wrong, Vox. You’re wrong and you’re tacky.”

“Then why are you still hard, Al?” Vox raised an eyebrow. Alastor didn’t have an answer for him, so he continued, pushing the head of his cock back between Alastor’s standing toes and into Alastor’s intercapital notch, as far as it would go, wedging the two halves of the hoof apart. Vox slid himself back and forth, and Alastor shivered, blood running from his lip where he had bitten it, his grin fixed as he refused to make a noise, refused to groan, or whimper or gasp.

“You wanna know what I think?”

Alastor stared at him. “No.”

“I think,” Vox continued, unperturbed. “That you’re just too fucking proud to admit you like this. You like me, on the floor in front of you, you like my touch, and you like me fucking your hoof like the sloppy little pussy that it is.” With each like, Vox gave a thrust of his hips, Alastor’s hoof slick and tight around him, his thumb curling round the standing toes to the flesh underneath, pressing through the fascia and against the cruciate ligament. Alastor cried out; ears back, eyes wide, still deliciously hard in his pants, as Vox continued. “I think you’re too fucking proud to take me up on my offer and roll over and hump the mattress like the rabid animal that you are. Because you’re afraid that you’ll like it when you cum from me fucking your hooves.”

Alastor snarled at him, arms lashing out and catching on the chains of the deal. “You’re pap,” he growled. “Slop. Mass-marketed, overhyped, underproduced, noisy garbage. Your viewers are idiots and so are you.”

Usually this would get right under Vox’s skin, but usually he wasn’t using Alastor’s hoof to jerk off, so the insults lacked their usual barb. It was easy to see who was in charge, which one of them was an animal snapping at the bars of their cage. Vox grinned, radiating smugness. “Are you gonna roll over and hump the mattress for me or not, Al?”

“Go fuck yourself,” growled Alastor, which meant yes. Vox pulled himself out of Alastor’s hoof, and got to his feet as he watched the Radio Demon roll over for him.

With Alastor face down, Vox ran his fingers over each of Alastor’s hooves in turn; one slick and covered in the blue smears of his precum, the other untouched, the scent gland still beading white with musk. Alastor’s narrow ass, fully clothed, flexed back and forth as Alastor found friction in the bedding below him, grinding himself into the bedding with a strangled groan that seemed to thrum through Vox’s loins.

Vox felt an irrational surge of jealousy for the mattress, and dismissed it.

“It’s a shame an old fucker like you gets pretty hooves like this,” said Vox, running a talon over the edge of one crimson nail, dipping his fingers between the toes of the unfucked hoof and smearing the musk over it, watching Alastor watch him do it on the big screen in front of them. “Anyone else, and they would be out on display, for the world to see, all shiny and crimson and shit.”

“Really? I thought you’d appreciate exclusivity.” Alastor’s tone was sarcastic, but his words made Vox’s cock ache. The thought that he was deflowering Alastor’s hooves. Despoiling them. A part of Al that pretty much no-one else would even see.

“Oh, I do, Al.” Vox’s voice was a groan as he stacked Alastor’s hooves one atop the other, lined up so that he could slide himself between both sets of toes, and pushed himself in.

“Fuck,” hissed Alastor, his voice lower in his register now, his eyes losing focus. Vox wondered what his O-face looked like, wondered if he stopped smiling when he came. Al’s hips were still twitching, still grinding himself sordidly into the bedding, and Vox matched his jackrabbit place, grinning as the motion brought a whine to Alastor’s throat.

“Look at you, Al, you wanton little minx,” purred Vox, listening to the obscene squelch his cock now made sliding in and out. “You’re gonna cum with my cock in your hooves, arentcha?”

“N-no-” Alastor groaned, gritting his teeth, a quiver through his body as he willed himself to stop humping the mattress. A good attempt, but futile.

Alastor’s assessment when writing the contract hadn’t been wrong, per se; Vox didn’t much enjoy torture. But, long experience as an overlord had shown him a thing or two, and his powers. Well, his powers were quite useful for this sort of thing.

The electricity that ran through power sockets and the electricity that ran through nerve endings were pretty similar, after all, and Vox could feel all of Alastor’s nerve endings, firing through the strands that wrapped the bones of each hoof, up into the braid of nerves that ruled his body. What sensation went where wasn’t an exact science, but Vox was practiced. A zap to the prostate was always surefire, but hooves had a lot of nerve endings too, enough to get someone off.

Carefully, Vox brought electricity to the surface of his cock as he pushed it once more between the pads of the prone Alastor’s feet, enough to tickle the nerve endings. The reaction was instant; not an orgasm, but a quiver through Alastor’s body, a strangled capacitive whine in his throat. Alastor’s fingers clenched, rending the bedsheets with his claws.

“Good?” asked Vox, gentle because gentle pissed Alastor off more than rough did. “We can stop anytime, y’know. Nullify the contract. Just say the word.”

“Cheap tricks-” gasped Alastor, trying to turn in on himself and finding he could not, too stubborn to do anything save submit as the electricity from Vox’s cock made him quiver again, whine again. His breathing was shallow, his eyes wide as Vox fucked his hooves, squeezing his delicate ankles as the sound of electricity arcing through air and into skin sounded at the apex of each squelching thrust. “-fuck.”

“Good boy,” Vox ground out, his voice breathy as he applied a little more voltage. “Give in. Lemme make you cum.”

“Damnable -ngh- picturebox,” whimpered Alastor, a sweet sound on his lips as he came, quivering, into the bedsheets.

“A picturebox who makes you cum,” growled Vox, wishing to hell that he could touch more of Al than just his calves and shins as he fucked the still-slick still-sensitive space between Al’s standing toes. “How does it feel, Al? Getting fucked senseless by a clout-chasing, mediocre video podcast? Fucked by mass-marketed, overhyped- ngh- noisy garbage?” Vox could feel himself getting close, his audio lagging and glitching, the movement of his hips becoming irregular, a pressure in his shaft, his balls hitting the underside of Alastor’s neatly manicured crimson nails at each stroke.

Alastor gave a noise that wasn’t even a word, half animal, half distorted signal, and Vox came, hard, one arc hitting the side of the bed, the second hitting the backs of Alastor’s legs as he pulled out, vivid blue stripes over dark flesh and fur. A third and fourth spurt drizzled over his own hand and Alastor’s sublingual pads. Vox stood there for a moment, cock in hand, staring at his handiwork as he blinked away the error messages displayed on his screen. The great Radio Demon, covered in his cum. His cock, smeared with Alastor’s musk. Fuck.

Alastor sighed into the bedsheets, a slightly sulky edge to his tone. “You’ll clean that up, I hope.”

Vox felt a swell of something other than triumph in his chest; something warm. “Yeah, I’ll wipe you down, Al.”

There was something nice about both being in a post orgasmic haze, Vox thought, as he knelt again at Alastor’s feet, a warm cloth and basin in hand. Alastor, now back in the position he had started in, had little inclination to do anything other than regard Vox with languid red eyes as he wiped the evidence of their encounter from Alastor’s ruby red hooves, the bones delicate in his hands.

Vox planted a soft kiss on the front of Alastor’s hoof, below the dewclaws. “We should do this again sometime.”

Alastor lifted his leg from Vox’s hands, and in a fluid, measured movement, pressed his hoof to Vox’s forehead, grinding it back and forth with a twist from his hip, leaving a damp, scent-laden mark on Vox’s screen. “Absolutely not.”

“Say next week? I have the quarterly review Tuesday, so I’ve gotta keep the board happy, but Wednesday I don’t have anything I couldn’t blow off.”

Alastor gave Vox a level smile, pushing his face with his hoof. “If there is one quality of yours I have never had reason to doubt, Vox, it is your capacity for blowing things.”

Vox grinned. “That sounds like Wednesday night to me.”

[roykiller07]

idk if anyones done this yet but i translated the fine print on bills soul contract 👍👍👍 its under the break in case its considered spoilers

you are now twenty one grams lighter

this contract is legal and binding[] we reserve the right to use your likeness[] face[] voice and small town pluck in whatever nefarious manner is deemed necessary[] sans soul[] your soulmate will not recognize you and will walk right past you on a cold autumn day[] never making eye contact[] not even processing that you have eyes at all[] no amount of interaction will move them to a place where they can remember[] in feeling[] the thousands of lifetimes you have already spent together[] each time choosing whatever form would keep you closest like otters holding hands in a tumultuous river[] you were birds[] you were trees with roots entangled[] drinking in the sunlight together[] []wherever we go next[] whatever you choose[] i will always be right there with you[][] thats done[] buddy[] congratulations[] you have chosen bill instead[] mcdonalds reserves the right to put a giant yellow m on your torso and forehead and send you walking through a crowded times square while you scream []the fries[] the fries[] they don[]t degrade in nature[][][] it[]s an immortal food[][][] they will be in the landfills long past our deaths[][] good god[] the things s i[]ve seen[] me[] who am i[] oh i[]m bill[]s previous lawyer[] he put my soul into a quill pen so i can write his legal documents until the sun snuffs out like a candle in this sick universe[] i used to be so hot[] i was so fine[] now i[]m fine print[] speaking of which[] bill reserves the right to put your soul into an inanimate object[] a strange creature[] a concept[] a sentence[] a tasteful but rustic mason jar with wildflowers in it[] if at any point you wish to have visitation rights with your soul[] you will be swiftly denied[] unless you had a cool day planned for the both of you[] then bill might want to come along[] by signing this document you forfeit any rights to eating soul food[] it will turn to ash in your mouth[] a fitting punishment for a fool who squandered the only true gift life owes you[] bill reserves the right to dress your soul however he deems necessary[] especially if your soul was a nerd before acquisition[] soulmakeoverrr[] your soul may become fractured and placed into different objects[] this has no purpose and will not resurrect you if you die[] signee has forfeited all rights to any afterlife[] including but not limited to[] heaven[] hell[] purgatory[] big corner[]flow state[] the dream house[] the reincarnation processing center[] axolotl[]s tank and consequences hole[] signee can no longer board any soul train and is advised to discard all bellbottoms[] signee can no longer have a puppy as a best friend[] they can sense what is gone[] cats are indifferent[] signee can experience occasional demon possessions from horculus the red[] plabos the merciless[] morbus son of mortem[] plaga the oozing and other such common demons roaming earth searching for weakened[]empty vessels[]tips for ripping your soul out at home[] watching youtube commentary channels[] attending an extended family event with an open bar[] using generation ai and asserting that you are creative[] turning a blind eye to human suffering[] amassing more wealth than needed[] purchasing a blue checkmark

i didnt feel like interpreting the punctuation (which is all just rectangles on the og document). it is translated letter by letter so if it seems like i forgot a space or wrote a letter where there shouldnt be its because it was like that in the original. pls let me know if u think i achsually made a mistake !!!!!

ive been translating everything i can and ill post the rest if ppl want but i felt like everything else was small enough anyone could translate it, this one was just long enough a lot of ppl wouldnt wanna bother 😋

i believe the code to get this image is: NAITSUAF

[saturnine-saturneight]

With Reburial completed as the first book of Graveyard Flowers instead of the first act of one long coherent book with three acts, I'm now faced with the fact that I suddenly have a completed thing in my hands

So naturally I'm formatting it to print it out and bind it as a book.

And, y'all. The 70k words I have right now always feel like so little to me. I watch people writing 2k words a day, posting 20k word chapters, having their WIPs somewhere at 100k and I'm like, oh, well, I guess mine is super short, it's basically nothing.

35k words, just act 1/ now book 1, that's 130 pages as an A5 pocket book in 11 point Garamond. 130. The width of a thumb. And, listen. I found the setting in libre office yesterday where you can check your documents' stats. I moved to libre office during editing. It somehow has 200 hours logged.

In short, I think I need this thing printed out and physically in my hands to hold if I ever want my brain to catch up with the fact that I'm producing a Thing and not just treading water.