#just posting to distract from the clusterfuck going on right now

[inkpotsprite]

An old deleted snippet from my work 'Cats and Communication.'

[ollypopwrites]

update No One asked for:

Next chapter of May Our Demons dance (Rookanis) is written, just needs editing and posting. it is NOT abandoned, the whole story is outlined out and i’ll have maybe 2-4 more chapters I think.

Have a one shot Emmrook smut piece that’s in the same spot.

my dad is currently in the hospital and that’s a whole clusterfuck i’m not going to get into but i have my little sibling living at my house temporarily and we are going to and from the hospital daily so there hasn’t been time for me to be alone and post anything, as much as i’d like a little escape right now.

Veilguard questions, requests and headcanons would honestly be a delightful distraction since they don’t require as much formatting and formality as posting so my inbox is open (i apologize for bg3 asks that are not done yet)

[fandomfluffandfuck]

Y'all need to stop putting celebrities on a pedestal and stop the fandomization of politics.

I feel like you are not taking the real possibility that a potential fascist dictator is going to be elected in the fall serious and this is all just a game to you.

It's very obvious that Chris knows the "Pro-Palestine" movement is an utter clusterfuck and he won't touch it with a 10-ft-pole. No one who actually cares about Palestinians and their future would.

That you're more worried about some actor not speaking publicly about that than not electing a dictator who would without a doubt not only wipe out Gaza but the West Bank as well, is everything that's wrong with the movement.

If you think what's happening now is bad, you don't realize that if Netanyahu gets his best buddy Trump as the head of the most powerful state in the world, there will be no Palestine, there won't be any Palestinian people left after the war is over.

Please get serious.

I will open this by saying I don't know totally what you mean by the fandomization of politics. I can guess--as in people stanning particular celebrities and everything they do to the point of them doing no wrong or not being wrongful ever and taking what they say, political or otherwise, as absolute truth forgetting that it's not something more flippant and fictional like fandom disputes over characters doing "right" or "wrong" OR where previous stans find an imperfection that tears that celebrity down from the pedestal they placed them on and makes them hate the person and suddenly it's stans vs no-longer-stans and nothing is productive or enjoyable anymore, it's a strange war-esque divide over what the celebrity said or didn't and what they should--but I'm unfamiliar with that exact wording as a defined thing, if there is a specific definition.

And while yes, some people forget there's more to politics than shallow social media activism--posting to say you posted without further action, so clearly you stand on the right side of history, right?, doing it all for social points--I wouldn't regard everyone that way. I can't speak for anyone else on here, Tumblr is a lot of chronically online people, and some of those people definitely should touch grass, but I am serious.

Politics, in some regard, with who you vote for and how you strategize who has greater potential to win versus whom you align more with, is a game that unfortunately has to be played and paid careful attention to like chess. Sometimes, there are people who want to play that aren't interested in it, really, it just looks cool, so they mime moves, ignoring the rules. They're just there in it for something other than the forward momentum, and it's tough to see when so much is at stake. But they're gonna be there, and maybe you can coax them into more, maybe not. Maybe that coaxing is a serious heart to heart conversation with someone they know, or maybe it's a celebrity they like speaking out 🤷🏻‍♂️ I can't say. There are parts of the movement that are that unserious, social media deep game, and there are parts that are a serious, attentive game--I've seen both sides. Yeah, it's an awful, very real choke point that needs special attention, like you said, though. I agree, too, that placing people on pedestals does nothing good. People are people. People aren't perfect, and pretending they are is just a distraction. I'm of the opinion that fandom is and has always been political, though. Not for everyone, of course, but fandom as a whole is shaped by politics. Fandom is an escape, but it's not an escape in a vacuum. It isn't separate from anything. People come to the escape while carrying baggage from outside.

And with that being said, I don't think a ton of people are forgetting that something awful and real is happening. I think they're just a little miffed that someone with social capital isn't doing something with it. I know I'm a little miffed, but it doesn't get in the way of me being serious and carefully considering how politics affect reality. I am capable of both flippant, ficticious discussion, and serious, attentive discussion.

P.S. this was fairly rambling on my part, and I think the discussion is reaching its end as a discussion with most asks I am getting now being yell-y, so will probably not be touching on more of this. Thanks

[loulovestowrite]

Today. What a day.

A hot water pipe burst in an apartment two floors below mine and now that floor, the floor beneath it, and the basement are completely flooded. The lights and the water are off. Water was trickling down some of the walls. But my apartment is dry, albeit dark. 

My new supervisor called me out in handover this morning and I hit back before my self-control could kick in. He quickly apologised. He’d been wrong. He hadn’t actually read my notes before trying to give me feedback on something that hadn’t actually happened. The clinical director was quick to step in and have a word to him with all of us on the line. It was a clusterfuck. It was awkward. He apologised multiple times throughout the day. The last time he did I burst into tears. I don’t want to be someone that cries at work any more. I want this part of my life to be done. 

I spent most of the day unable to get S’s phone call this morning out of my mind. The dude I share an office with and I spent the last two hours of our day doing a google image search of every male consultant (attending) in the hospital as a distraction exercise. The outcome was that I’m still incredibly hurt and feeling vulnerable over S the ex and it turns out that man at the hospital that does the intense eye contact with me can’t be a doctor after all. We are both baffled as to what his job is. He wears a tailored jacket that costs more than my entire wardrobe for the week. What role does he play in it all...? Today was the first Monday our paths haven’t crossed and the hippie part of my soul is saying that it’s a sign. A sign of what though? And why is S the ex behaving this way?

A mutual friend rang to ask about J. I asked her why. She tells me she needs to share sad information with him about a staff member but can’t bring herself to do it because of how angry she is with him. She was hoping I’d heard from him and that things were okay. I told her I had heard from him. He’d made it clear we will never interact again and so I’d responded telling him to go fuck himself. Not those exact words but there was definitely an F word in there somewhere and the sentiment was the same. Why now though, I asked her. It was only last night that I’d been reflecting on that (and posted it to my old blog), so why today of all days had she called? She didn’t know. I don’t ever want to hear his name again, I told her. He doesn’t want to know I exist, so it’s time I returned the favour. I don’t need reminders of how stupid I was. How foolish to fall for his lies so many times. 

Another friend called. She wanted to know how it was I’d fallen under S the ex’s spell again. How, indeed. For nearly 18 months I’d kept him at arms distance. It was a fair question. I don’t know, I told her honestly. And I really don’t. But something happened and now he’s here and I am back to being the desperate little girl I was when we were together. When he doesn’t call or when he ignores my text, the anxiety overwhelms me. My weight continues to climb but my mood drops lower. He has me hypnotised again. I wake multiple times through the night to see if I’ve heard from him. I feel desperate and empty when I haven’t. How does he have this effect on me? What was the point of the tens of thousands of dollars spent on therapy if I am back here? And most importantly of all, why doesn’t he love me? Why am I still so unlovable to him?

So it’s been a day. The biggest day. I’m hiding from the world now. I told work that I need a week off. Things are not good for me at work or at home and I need to coil into myself if I’m to survive. They said okay. I can have a week off at the end of the month. But now I’m on their radar. I don’t want to be. I want to be invisible. I want the world to pass by without ever seeing me. If it can’t see me, then it can’t hurt me. Right? But it doesn’t work that way. They see me. They’re watching me. 

I’m drowning. I know it. They know it. You probably know it too. The last 18 months were just too big. Too much. Too painful. And too alone. So very alone. 

I am drowning and I need space and time to kick my way to the surface. I need someone to throw me a lifeline. I need something to feel like it is going right so I can drag myself to the surface and find a way to heal. I need someone to tell me it’s all going to be okay, even though I don’t think it will be. 

[meggannn]

shepard/garrus?

oh boy, sorry for the late response! I always end up posting these things and then going to read/take a nap/play a game or something. anyway writing this up took two hours, i hope it is even slightly interesting to read. cut because this is looooooong

What made you ship it?

I think I was interested in this ship before I even played ME. I was just like “I know Shepard is a character and an alien named Garrus is a character, and people draw porn of them together.” because I think it’s reasonable to say it’s one of, if not the most, popular ship in the fandom, or at least in ME’s tumblr fandom? and the way people talked about it, I knew their tropes were #banter, #battle couple, #partnerships, and... and as we’ve learned from royai, I am a bit weak to those tropes (assuming I like both of the characters). the way people talked about them also from a “best friends” angle—which is sort of forced in-game in a way that seems strange to me now—was also a plus in its favor at the time. (if they get together, I do see their friendship/companionship, in whatever form, in some ways integral to their romance—unless you’re playing full far-right renegade who’s like a xenophobe and hate-fucking Garrus, I guess?—but Bioware also kind of shoehorned Garrus into that best-friend role and that’s a topic for another day.)

What are your favorite things about the ship?

(my friend will hit me if I say “partnerships” again) I’m gonna talk about the way I play my Shepard now, because so much is dependent on the unique Shepard. for Lydia’s journey over the series, I see a large part of her journey as basically a study of her (often self-inflicted) loneliness. and she never entirely breaks her habits of self-isolation, but the events of the series force her to be vulnerable in a way she would prefer not to be in front of a crew, or, y’know, ever. Garrus becomes an integral part of that story to help her break her out of these bad habits (all of the crew does, particularly also Ashley for my Shep), but to my eyes, the story of “Shepard and Garrus’s relationship” is also one of mutual respect, burden-sharing, and sanity and morality checks.

I don’t think of their “mentor” relationship in ME1 very often mostly because I don’t think it was done particularly well, but for all its faults, I do like how naturally the jump from “subordinate” in ME1 to “ally” in ME2 felt; once you meet Garrus on Omega you feel more on the same footing as two friends greeting each other because you’ve both recently been through trauma and the sight of a friendly face in a station full of hostiles is so unexpectedly welcome that it lets them both hope things will be okay for a minute. starting from that moment, Garrus becomes one of the few people who can see “under” her mask, I guess: partly because he’s one of the few combatants from the SR-1 who knows Shepard well and sees who she is both on the field and onboard the SR-2, with the ability to compare both to the times of “before you died”; partly because he has trauma response training and recognizes it in others even if he doesn’t in himself; partly because his loyal personality makes him sensitive to wonder how she’s dealing with being resurrected; and also partly because they’ve both gone through similar things. namely, getting your squad killed and blaming yourself for it, and it possibly being your fault (BioWare is inconsistent on what Shepard’s role was on Akuze, but in ME1 she has the chance to reply that she was responsible for getting them out safely, and failed).

necessity forces Shepard to adapt to things like being effectively forced to work for terrorists; being isolated from her support system; being resurrected and feeling like a stranger in her own body; later, getting decommissioned for making an incredibly difficult call to save the galaxy; watching your homeworld burn; being forced into a political role negotiating high stakes you don’t know how to play; being told you’re the spearhead of a galactic war; doing all of this without a full crew complement; the list goes on. those are all, on their own, incredibly isolating, traumatic experiences, and my Shepard’s not emotionally sane at the best of times. (emotionally stable, perhaps, only in the most literal of terms, at least on the surface. she’s like a rock when shit hits the fan. emotionally sane, no, for that reason and more.)

the tables have turned, and Garrus ends up becoming a large part of helping her regain agency in most if not all of those things: in ME2 he was a former crew member she trusted, and he was eager to work for her and be distracted from his failures on Omega. over in the battery, he is himself recovering from a major injury (like Shepard) and going through the aftermath of a bloodbath he feels responsible for (like Shepard), working on a crew that holds him at arm’s length, that he also... arguably... didn’t have much choice in joining (like Shepard—I’m assuming he wasn’t held hostage and joined voluntarily after waking up, but lbr this is unconfirmed). their reasons are different and varied, but they don’t realize until much later that they have found each other at the most opportune time, providing a sense of stability for each other, and also, frankly, sanity and morality checks.

in ME3, he steps into this role more fully because he’s become more disciplined, is doing work firmly in his wheelhouse, and paired up against Shepard struggling with their positions somewhat reversed from ME1: him more confident and her now completely out of her element, floundering with her place on a galactic scale. without Garrus—and Chakwas, and Joker, and Tali, and later the loyalty of the entire SR-2—the story of ME would be a tragedy, and it would end shortly in ME2; it’d be the story of how my Shepard slowly went insane being forced to fight boogeymen under a terrorist banner. Garrus isn’t, like, the keeper of her sanity, but their ability to check each other, and see themselves in the eyes of each other, provides stability and occasionally a bit of a wake-up call to both of them. when they’re both vulnerable, they both feel most seen, and most understood, by an alien that listens.

one angle of this ship that highly interests me at the moment, along with the above, is that while it’s not illegal for them to be together, it’s still... a really bad fucking idea lmao. (I could make the argument that it’s a bad idea for Shepard to be in any relationship with their crew but I think there are a few ships—Garrus, Tali, any Alliance crew at all—that realistically would be huge political clusterfucks.) so overcoming personal insecurity and fear of the unknown to acknowledge interest in each other, and the desire to become an item, getting roadblocked by a reality wake-up call with the fact that 1) she’s his boss, 2) Garrus comes from a society where station matters, like, sort of a lot and it even determines your job and how much legal power you have, 3) the potential political blowback (which would be ENORMOUS because lbr the hierarchy may not care about what turians do in off-hours but they WOULD care about the superior/subordinate thing, the human thing, the fact that they’re doing this while a war is going on. basically one of their best agents is on the Normandy to negotiate their interests and they’re basically at the whims of their relationship the whole time)... it’s a lot! all of that sort of makes it tragic, but I’m curious to see how they’d overcome it.

anyway, all of that is where I’m coming from when I think or write about this ship, but there’s a lot more I’m not mentioning here. there are a lot of juxtapositions that in my head that I’ve either added or extrapolated from canon that also interest me about this pairing. Garrus is a former cop, as is his father; Lydia is a poor kid who used to be in a gang out of necessity. Garrus is a turian with often traditionalist thinking; Shepard is a human who has much less sociopolitical power than him, even if she is his superior on the Normandy. both of them are roughly as old as the First Contact War, when their people were at each other’s throats not thirty years ago. Garrus idolizes Spectrehood while Lydia hates it, feeling it was forced on her. they can’t eat the same food. and yet despite all of that, and the fact that they need translators to communicate, they manage to understand each other when a lot of the world around them doesn’t.

god this is not even the full list of it. anyway I could go on but I’ll stop there lol.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

oh jesus, so much. I’m a grouchy and picky shipper, be warned.

pining can always make my ships more interesting, and imo it’s a consistent part of any ship of Shepard’s, considering it’s wildly inappropriate and unprofessional for her to be fucking any subordinate, so I think more consideration could be given to shakarian in the “we shouldn’t be having a thing and oh also you’re an alien and I’m kind of scared of both your government and your body” angle! I hope to explore that a bit with a fic I’m writing (if I ever finish it, god).

I hate the flavor of fandom!shakarian where Shepard romanced Kaidan in ME1 then felt “betrayed” when he’s confused and hurt on Horizon, so she gets with Garrus as like... revenge? idk. and then Garrus usually develops this bias against Kaidan as a sort of author mouthpiece (which is inconsistent with his characterization cause Garrus is nothing but pleased to have Kaidan back on the SR-2 in ME3!) and takes up the anti-Kaidan crusade cause K ~questioned the commander~ (since when does Garrus fall over himself defending a superior from criticism?) like, idk. I think Garrus can be sensitive to the fact that that reuniting must’ve been painful for Shepard, but also be aware that it was also really painful for Kaidan because all of Kaidan’s complicated feelings about Shepard’s resurrection were, realistically, things Garrus should’ve felt too! this trope is very popular but just feels like manufactured drama for drama’s sake, idk, I’m also not big on love triangles so. I would much rather people just rescue Ashley on Virmire and avoid the whole thing rather than have previously-romanced Kaidan around in ME3 for the sole purpose of forcing him to watch Shepard/Garrus being happy together tbh.

I think full goody-goody paragon Shepard is too preachy to make a good partner for Garrus and full shoot-anyone-in-my-way renegade Shepard encourages and emboldens his worst tendencies (and Castis Vakarian is right to disapprove of them). most people end up playing some combination of both, or if they do settle in one camp or the other, usually there is some sense of realism where Shepard doesn’t play nice/naive or play mean all the time, so it’s rare I see either of those kinds of extreme Shepards depicted, but in general if there is a Shepard that is so far in one direction it seems illogical to me that they ever stay together.

I think wanting a mShep romance for Garrus is a pretty welcome idea in fandom, but adding onto that, I think Garrus should’ve been romanceable in ME3 for players who changed their minds on other romances or want to play slow-burn romances! we had it for Kaidan—and should’ve had it for Ash—so (pounds fist on desk) Garrus too imo!

I hate the canon get-together because Shepard walking into the battery and asking “do you want to fuck” feels very tailored to the players who want to romance Garrus, not to who Commander Shepard is, imo. it lacked all of the subtlety and depth of some other romances—until the scene of Garrus coming to her cabin with a wine bottle, at least, cause I do like that scene, but anyway, I dislike the actual get-together.

just in general, I’m a stick in the mud, so my favorite iteration of this ship is where Shepard is resolutely professional, and the challenge of it becomes him getting her to open up, not the other way around. like, I think on some level every iteration of Shepard is a bit of a lunatic/eccentric, because you have to be to do the things they do, but I like to see their flirting with less of her calling him “big guy” (not sure where that came from, is that in canon? I must’ve missed it, but personally I don’t like it) and more of Garrus making wisecracks in the canteen while he’s talking to Joker, but he’s looking at her out of the corner of his eyes and he really said his joke with the aim of making her laugh, and as she’s reading her datapad she hears him, and even when she wants to chuckle she stops himself and just smirks cause she doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction of a laugh, but he sees her lips twitch and feels his heart flutter. that. I want more of that.

oh lastly, I hate “Shepard takes Vakarian clan markings” in any iteration. there is no canon relation to turians being poc—in fact I’d argue they have sociopolitical privilege real-world bipoc do not—but the concept of social face markings, face tattoos, etc., is rooted in non-white cultures and with the fact that 1) turians had a literal civil war over the territories those markings represent, 2) we don’t even know if marriage is how markings are shared or if non-turians are ever invited to wear them in the first place, 3) most of the art of this trend, lbr, is of mostly white Shepards in wedding dresses and blue face paint... all that combined just makes me frown and scroll faster every time I see it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a bipoc Shepard with Vakarian face markings in fic/art, and that to me is very telling (not because they should have them, but because bipoc fans who make bipoc Shepards usually recognize when a racially-coded trope is uhhhhh not so great to appropriate for someone not of that group).

[luxekook]

chapter seven.

⇥ pairing: ot7 x reader

⇥ genre: college au with fluff, smut & angst

⇥ summary: a series in which the reader meets (and falls for) seven members of the Beta Tau Sigma (BTS) fraternity

⇥ word count: 3.6k

⇥ warnings: 18+, lots of cursing, general chaotic energy, poly relationship, a short confrontation, mentions of slut-shaming, switch!reader, dom!joon, switch!jin, sub!jimin, library shenanigans, an abundance of coffee, punishments, spanking, bad puns (jin is in this chapter, DUH), many nerd references uwu

© luxekook. please do not repost, modify, edit or translate.

characters | prologue | one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine

Chapter Seven

Quinn Library – 3:54pm

The end of September passes in a blur of studying, partying, volunteering, and spending time with friends. The month’s conclusion also includes the increasing presence of seven boys in my everyday routine.

Since giving Taehyung the suck of his life in the bathroom of Hannigan’s, I have been basically fighting off the seven of them for a moment to breathe. But, sometimes breathing is overrated when being smothered by affection.

Going from being single to essentially dating seven people is quite the adjustment. I found myself growing attached to them – something that both excited and scared the shit out of me. We haven’t discussed labels or anything, but I figure it’s only a matter of time. The boys have apparently been planning an elaborate first date for this upcoming weekend, and I feel like they’ll probably ask to make it official then.

My stomach erupts in butterflies at the thought, and I take a calming breath. No need to overthink such things.

While it might be unconventional by some societal standards, polyamory is simply a way to love. Why should love come with confines? With binary expectations? The saying ‘love is love’ gets thrown around a lot, but I believe it bears repeating.

Jenni and Luna have been nothing but supportive to me over the past two weeks. They even came with me to volunteer this past weekend because they - and I quote - wanted to ‘check out our vibe’. But, I wholeheartedly expect that the real reason had actually been for them to feel out the boys’ intentions.

Why did I suspect this? Well, because Jungkook had come up to me within the first fifteen minutes at the worksite quivering in fear over how ‘scary my friends were’ and how ‘Jenni had cornered him to interrogate him while Luna hovered behind her, menacingly holding a nail-gun’.

I had never felt more loved and supported by my friends.

My phone dings, and I quickly hasten to put it on silent, shooting an embarrassed and apologetic look around the library. It seems like most people have headphones in, and I let out a sigh of relief. No one wants to be that one loud person in the library.

Checking my notifications, I smile when I see it’s a SnapChat from Hobi in the group chat the boys created a few weeks ago. My thumb swipes it open, and I barely contain myself from announcing to the whole library how vibrantly handsome one of my potential boyfriends is.

I quickly send a SnapChat back of me and my stack of books in the library with the caption ‘send help in the form of coffee’.

Immediately, Taehyung sends a flurry of heart eyes emojis in the chat, Jungkook sends a ‘noona is so cute’, and Yoongi sends back a picture of a black screen with the caption ‘come nap with me’.

God, I would love to nap with Yoongi right now… Alone time with the older boy is so elusively precious. One day last week at their house, I had mentioned wanting to learn piano. Yoongi had just grabbed my hand and tugged me to his room. We had spent a couple hours together in the small corner of his room playing on his keyboard.

Well, he had been playing; I had been fumbling around like a buffoon - half uncoordinated in general and half flustered by how good Yoongi looked playing. His hands had been so nimble as they flew over the keys, crafting melodies I could only assume he had composed. His focus had been so fucking hot as he nodded slightly along to the tempo in his head, his eyes shooting over to look at me every once in a while.

My hand kink? Activated.

My willpower to not kiss the shit out of Yoongi? Nonexistent.

When Yoongi had paused in between songs, I may or may not have grabbed him by his shirt collar and kissed him. His blushing attempt to dodge me had been so cute; and when I had stopped trying to kiss him, he had pouted and then kissed me instead.

What a cutie…

A giggle draws my attention from my reminiscing. At first, I pay it no mind, taking it as a directive to dive back into my studies. But then, the whispering starts.

“I heard she’s fucking her way through the whole house.”

“Isn’t there a term for that?”

“Yeah, a frat rat.”

I slam my 500-page textbook closed and stand, leveling the duo of gossiping girls with a glare that could make grown men cry. It had before when I had to properly eviscerate my uncle in defense of feminism at our last family gathering. What a time that had been.

“Is there a problem?” I force the question through gritted teeth, stalking over towards their nearby table. I relish in the way they gape at me, eyes wide and pupils quivering, “I’m sorry. I’m afraid my complaint jar is at capacity. Please don’t try again later.”

The girl on the right gulps, “No-nope, there’s no problem! We were just leaving. Right, Janika?”

“No,” The girl who had called me a ‘frat rat’ just moments before crosses her arms and stands, “I do, like, have a problem.”

“Janika,” The other girl tugs on the sleeve of the one standing, “Don’t.”

“Yeah, Janika,” I smile, “Don’t.”

I can see the moment she snaps.

“You’re, like, such a fucking bitch! I don’t know what they all see in you. Oh wait, yes I do. You’re fucking easy.”

I consider myself to be a patient person, but having to endure this type of rant against my character - and against women’s sexual freedom in general - has pushed me well past my limits.

“Now, listen here, Janika,” I take another step forward, “You can keep talking your shit. I really don’t give a flying fuck what you think about me. But I really advise you to google ‘how to stop slut-shaming for dummies’ because it seems like you need a crash course.”

Janika’s face darkens, “Whatever. They’ll get tired of you anyway.”

“Yeah,” I let out an amused laugh, “I’m sure they’ll get real tired of me choking on their dicks every night.”

Letting out a gasp, Janika whirls back around to face her silent friend, “Let’s go. I don’t want to, like, be around her any longer.”

“Buh-bye now,”I wiggle my fingers in their direction as they shuffle out of the library.

Smiling in satisfaction, I head back towards my table. Without hesitation, I gather my books and belongings and head upstairs to the quiet floor. Any more distractions or confrontations would probably make my blood pressure pop off the charts.

The quiet floor, as one of my safe havens, is home to several small private study rooms. Peering into each, I start to lose hope that any would be available. Finally, the very last room proves me wrong, and I swing open the door and almost in tears over the sweet, sweet solitude.

This particular study room is tucked away in the very far corner of the library’s second floor. Not many people are aware of its location, and it seems that paid off for me today. Plopping my things down across the table in the center of the tiny room, I follow suit and drop down into one of the two chairs adjoining the table.

What a clusterfuck of an afternoon… This sadly isn’t the first time I’ve heard some comments being made about my association with the BTS boys, and I knew it wouldn’t be the last. Yet, part of me knew all along that this would be the trade-off.

After all, what are a few irrelevant opinions to seven gorgeous and loyal partners? Inconsequential - in my opinion. That is the reason why I haven’t breathed a word of the backlash to anyone.

Sighing, I flip open my textbook to where I had been before being rudely interrupted.

The amygdala plays a key role in emotion and behavior…

“Noona?”

I jump a half-mile out of my chair, slapping a hand over my pounding heart. Jimin had somehow managed to enter the room without my knowledge. Had he fucking teleported?

Holding a giant iced coffee in one hand and a cinnamon bun in the other, Jimin beams at me and ignores the fact he just scared the living shit out of me. “Hi, noona! I saw your SnapChat while I was in class, and I came here as soon as I could.”

I stare dumbfounded at the angel before me. Jimin is slightly out of breath with reddened cheeks and a sweaty brow. His black track-pants are slung low on his hips, his long-sleeve white t-shirt clings to his torso, his black duffle bag thrown carelessly over one shoulder. He must have run over straight from dance class.

Standing abruptly, I stalk over to where Jimin is still posted up by the doorway to the study room. Toe to toe with him, I blurt out while still half in a daze, “You really brought me coffee and food?”

He eyes me warily like I might suddenly jump on him at any moment. Shifting his weight back and forth, Jimin hesitantly replies, “Um, yes?"

I take the coffee and cinnamon bun from his hands, place them on the table, and then tackle him with the biggest hug. "You absolute sweetheart!" I murmur into the crook of his neck, "This made my day. Thank you, Jimin-ie."

His hands tentatively wrap around me, pulling me closer. "You're welcome, noona. I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

“Well, I really appreciate it, baby,” My lips brush over the crevice of his collarbone and relish in his shudder. Bringing my head up to face his, I smile widely at him, “Can I kiss you, Jimin-ie?”

“Yes,” He sighs out, eyes already closing in anticipation. I press my lips to his, still smiling softly against his mouth. His lips are plush under mine, velvety soft. My tongue swipes across his bottom lip and— Is that coffee I taste?

I pull back, “Jimin, did you sip my coffee on your way here?”

The boy looks rightfully alarmed, “I– y-yes. But only a little, noona!”

Cute.

“Hmm,” I trail my fingers down his chest, “I guess I’ll make an exception for you this time since you were the one to bring it for me.”

Jimin relaxes slightly, but his expression is strangely disappointed. I stare at him quizzically, and he blushes.

“What is it?” I lean against the table, facing him.

He clears his throat, staring intensely at the ground, “You can still punish me if you want, (y/n)-noona.”

My eyebrows shoot upwards at his offer, and then I let out a slight chuckle, “Oh, Jimin… That would be a favor to you, wouldn’t it? My baby boy wants to be punished, hm? Did dance practice make you all hot and bothered? Jungkook tells me that has been happening to you lately.”

Jimin’s face explodes in color as he mutters, “That little bitch will pay for this.”

Suddenly, the door swings open with a resounding thud, nearly clipping Jimin in the shoulder.

“Your savior has arrived!” Kim Seokjin announces loudly in spite of the studiously silent atmosphere of the quiet floor. His hands hold two steaming hot travel mugs, which I can only guess are filled with the elixir of the gods (aka coffee).

Seokjin’s eyes glance around the room as he takes in the fact that I’m not alone as he obviously had expected. “Wait, Jimin-ie? What are you doing here?” Jin’s eyes flick down to the coffee and cinnamon roll that lay on the table. “Goddamn it!”

“You were too slow, hyung,” Jimin smirks happily as he takes a seat in the chair I had previously vacated. He slouches smugly as he stares up at the fuming older boy.

“Too slow?!” Jin roars.

“Jin,” I chastise, circumventing around him to shut the door.

“Sorry, babe,” Seokjin says while still glaring daggers at the all-too-pleased Jimin. Suddenly, his expression changes into a sneaky look that makes me both want to run and jump his bones. “Well,” He waves the two coffee mugs around in the air, “I made these myself - with love. I didn’t buy that generic shit; I brewed it, baby.”

It’s Jimin’s turn again to look disgruntled, and I can’t help but laugh at their antics.

“Any and all coffee is appreciated and loved by me – the more the merrier. So, thank you both,” You say, taking one of the travel mugs from Seokjin. Kissing his cheek, you turn back to sit opposite Jimin at the table.

“She kissed me on the lips!” Jimin bursts.

“Park Jimin!” I cry as Jin splutters some sort of incoherent rant about fairness and equality.

Jimin holds eye contact with me, still leaning back in his chair like he’s the king of the fucking universe. But, he’s not; I am.

My chair hits the wall behind me with a bang as I stand, planting my hands on the table to loom over Jimin. “Do you think it’s fun to push your hyung, Jimin? Does it amuse you to be a little shit?”

I can see the moment that Jimin decides to be a brat. His eyes heat up in a challenge, and he firmly answers, “Yes, noona.”

“Get up.” The change in my tone is apparent. Jimin gulps. Getting to his feet, he stares back at me expectantly.

“Jin,” I address the older boy while still maintaining eye contact with Jimin, “What kind of punishment do you think I should give our Jimin here?”

Seokjin rounds my other side, grinning, “Well, (y/n) darling, I believe he should get spanked.”

“Interesting choice,” I murmur, turning to face Jin, “That’s what you’re going to get then.”

“What?” Jin squawks, arms waving rapidly around in the air, “But I didn’t do anything!”

“Nothing is what you should have done, Jin,” I push him against the wall, “You know better than to let Jimin rile you up like this.”

Those plump lips of his pout dramatically as he whines, “But, (y/n)…”

“But nothing,” I say and then whirl around to face the other boy. He’s still standing where I left him with his eyes glued to the pair of us. “Jimin,” I hold his gaze, “You’re going to watch. You’re not going to touch yourself, your hyung isn’t going to touch you, and I’m not going to touch you.”

His eyes widen comically, “No! That’s not fair!”

“Do you want to be gagged, too, baby boy?” I ask, cocking my head slightly. Seeing his emphatic head shakes, I grin. “That’s what I thought. Now, stay.”

Turning back to Jin, I smirk slightly as I ask, “Punishment now or later?”

Seokjin’s eyes scrunch cutely in confusion, “What?”

“You see,” I move closer to him, my body brushes his, “I think you earned a punishment, but I think you also earned helping me punish Jimin.”

A wide grin crosses Jin’s face as he glances back at the corner Jimin is stewing in. “I would be honored to help you punish him, babe.”

“That’s what I figured,” I smile briefly at him before slowly sliding my hands up his chest to rest on the nape of his neck. Holding them there, I press the lightest of kisses to the corner of his lips.

Jin’s breath hitches in his throat.

I run my tongue against the seam of his mouth, taking my time and savoring the sweet taste of him. His lips part to let me in, my tongue sliding across his. I grind against him as we kiss, moving my hips in such a way that makes him groan and lean back harder against the wall.

“What the fuck is going on in here?”

Ripping my mouth from Jin’s, I turn to face the newcomer.

Namjoon stands in the doorway holding yet another cup of coffee, his face thunderous. "What do the three of you think you're doing? This is the goddamn library, you heathens!”

Seokjin jumps out of his skin in fright, pushing me away faster than I can anticipate. Stumbling back, I crash into Jimin – who apparently had ventured out of his assigned corner. Brat.

“The shades were open!” Namjoon continues to rant as he flicks the aforementioned item down to cover the door’s window, “Did you want people to see you?”

He reads the expression on my face correctly, “Oh, but you did, didn’t you, (y/n)?” Namjoon approaches where I’m still captured in Jimin’s embrace. Glaring down at me, he taunts, “So quick to stake your claim; but, make no mistake, they were mine first.”

Shaking out of Jimin’s hold, I straighten, raising my chin to meet Namjoon’s gaze full-on, “That’s interesting. I didn’t realize you were so lenient with your partners.”

Jimin makes a choking noise behind me. Jin stands behind Namjoon, waving a hand in front of his throat to clearly tell me to stop talking. I keep going, “Perhaps I need to teach you how to discipline.”

Namjoon flips me around, shoves Jimin out of the way, and bends me facedown across the table.

“Jin,” He says, his voice growly, “Stand in the hall and let me know if you can hear us.”

The sound of the door opening and closing alerts me that Jin followed Namjoon’s instructions without a word.

“Jimin,” He continues, “Hold (y/n)’s hands out in front of her.” Jimin ascquieces, staring apologetically down at me as he tugs my hands towards him.

“This is cute,” I say, “I always love holding Jimin-ie’s hands.”

Thwack. The stinging imprint of Namjoon’s palm on my ass burns deliciously. I arch my back, looking over my shoulder at him with a half-smile. “Do it harder, daddy.”

A breath sucks in between his lips as I utter the word I know will get him feeling as hot as me. “You’re playing a dangerous game, baby girl,” Namjoon grits out, his jaw clenched tightly.

“Oh, daddy,” I say, “Don’t you remember? I’m the fucking Queen.”

“Was that a chess pun? Nice.” A muffled voice followed by a squeaky laugh sounds through the door.

“Seokjin,” Namjoon seethes, flying over to open the door and drag the older boy back inside, “I thought I told you to let me know if you could hear us.”

I tug out of Jimin’s gentle hold, straighten back up, and then situate myself into a sitting position on the table.

I watch amusedly as Jin shimmies his way out of Joon’s grasp, “Yah! It’s not my fault I get intense FOMO. Don’t hate the player, hate the game. Besides, I only heard you because I had my ear pressed to the door.”

Jimin stifles a giggle. I let out a full-on laugh. Namjoon mumbles what sounds like a plea to some higher power under his breath.

“See what I have to deal with?” Namjoon turns to me, shaking his head. “Are you sure you want to sign up for this?”

“That depends,” I swing my legs back and forth as I stay perched on the table, “Are you going to keep spanking me?”

The boy who had just unhesitatingly bent me over to punish me now blushes and rubs the back of his neck. “I mean, probably? You have quite a mouth on you, baby.”

Hopping off the table, I laugh, “Good answer. Ten points to Gryffindor.”

“Woo!” Jin cheers, “Nice job on the House Points, Joon-ie!”

“I am in love with idiots,” Jimin sighs.

Grabbing my phone from my backpack, I let out a slight yell as I read the time. “Shit, shit, shit, shit!” I scramble to shove all of my textbooks back into my bag.

“What is it, noona?” Jimin worries, appearing next to me. “Are you late for class?”

“No,” I cry, “It’s so much worse. I’m late for my weekly Animal Crossing discord chat! Heath is gonna kill me…”

“Heath?” Jin scowls, “Who is this Heath you speak of?”

“Chill, fam,” I shrug my backpack onto my shoulders and stare contemplatively down at the three different coffees. “You can’t get jealous every time I mention a new person. What’s next? You’re gonna come for Tom Nook?”

Namjoon - who must play Animal Crossing - stifles a laugh as Jin pouts. “She has a point, Jin.”

“And so does a pencil. Big whoop,” Jin scowls with his arms folded.

“Aw, Seokjin-ie,” I coo, reaching over to pinch his cheek, “Don’t be mad. You’ll get to spend all day with me on Saturday after volunteering! What are we doing, anyways?” I level Joon with my best side-eye as I ask that question, knowing he is more likely than not the mastermind behind our planned date.

“It’s going to be great, noona!” Jimin pipes up, hugging me from the side, “You’re going to love it…You’re going to love us.” He murmurs the last part, probably not meaning for me to hear; but, I do.

God, I do.

“We’ll pick you up before volunteering,” Joon says, “Just bring yourself and a change of clothes.”

“What?” I decide - fuck it - and attempt to grab all three coffees, “No overnight bag?”

Jin, who had just taken a sip of his own coffee, spews it everywhere. “Pack one,” He gasps out in between coughs.

Laughing, I walk to the door, which Jimin kindly opens for me. “Okay, I’ll think about it. Ah, I’m so late. Jimin and Jin, I’ll punish you at a later time. Joon, you can try to punish me at a later time.” Living for their astonished expressions, I wave as best I can with three coffees in hand, “Bye, babes! Text me-e-e.”

As I make my way out of the library, it hits me that I only have one more day to prepare for this date. Fucking hell…

a/n: this is such a filler of a chap with a tinge of drama mixed in, hehe. the next one is gonna be that date tho uwu stay tuuuuuuned and thanks 4 reading

taglist: @catsandstrawberries @h5naaa @meowmeowyoongles @leftflowerprunedonut @rjsmochii @athletes-of-god @karissassirak @cage7241​ @weallhavesecretsinthebestway @cvbachacbitch @honeyspillings @valiantcollectorofsandwiches @fivesecondsofsarang @oii-f-eli-x2 @joonsroses @theevilyouknow @jooniescupcakes @expensive-grl @i-dont-even-know-fck @doingmybestalltheftime @fangirling-all-the-way-tbh @laced-brds @breeeeh17 @lpayne612 @peachyharmoney @rilakoya @chulchuchi @tabula-rasa0 @guccishookv @nomimits7 @i-like-puppy-mg @s-noir @anna-sorel @im-a-space-child @yeontanismypresident @drowning-in-oxygen @team-wang-puppy @lvvegood @anongirl007 @may114 @r-e-d-i-s-h @unatempesta-dipensieri @dragon-rider-with-a-book​ @blueberrygeniejam @wondrsblog @vi-hoshi @kirbykook​ @katemwatson​ @kawaiikpoplover268​ @amsteramyy​ @sami4life @a-feeling-of-euphoria​ @the-jackals​ @bubbletae7​ @platinum-grenade​ @bunnyboyenthusiast @brightly-byun @oofmeintheheadpls​ @sadboibts @lidda​ @goldenwidow3​ @t-mel19​ @lmkjimin​ @psiphidragon​ @jeon-joker​ @sathom013​ @lustremyg @ggsmashgg​ @justyouraveragerando​ @shadowstark​ @our-little-meow-meow @baby-hobii @toddsgirl27​ @mythicalmeep​ @asifetch7​ @kassandravictoria​ @eltrain80 @briannasthings​ @bumblekey93​ @ohmwreckr @beach-bitch-bitch-beach​ @softchimmee​ @kookoo-kachoo​ @lenuminous​ @ass-hole-in-one​ @peaches-422​ @spacejooon​ @sleepyje0n​ @uxwi​ @tellmeyoulovemepls​ @yady24​ @lovesick-heart0​ @redirect-min​ @hopetookourvibe​ @noonaduck​ @mini-coop25​ @multifandomgirl29​ @rhd31​ @yoongixvevo​ @sweetnspicy93​ @kuppyjiminie​ @love-and-other-possibilities​ @fuckyouandtheboatyoucamein @rvnchr4nd4​ @geminidrawsstuff​ @livorna​ @naajix​ @minjoonhome​

another a/n: if u asked to be added to the taglist and u did not get tagged, u might be one of the couple ppl that i couldn’t tag [check ur settings, fam!]

[goldenlaquer]

Hey, can I ask for headcanons for Gin, Hijikata, Sougo and Kamui about them catching feelings for their friend with benefits?

Hi, yes you can ask for them... and I can (hopefully) deliver! 

Gintama NSFW Headcanons: 

Hijikata Toushirou: 

Maybe when first going into the relationship, Hijikata’s rational side had thought that this is a bad idea or this isn’t going to end well, but he went into it anyway because A) he was a man with needs and B) he wasn’t looking for an actual relationship and C) ...well, you’re attractive and his dick likes what he sees and his mind has suddenly become this undisciplined asshole that wants to follow his dick. 

A man’s entire code of conduct rewritten in pursuit of some pussy. Who hasn’t heard that story before?

And in the first place, he was the one who firmly laid down the groundwork: just sex, nothing else. A wham, bam, thank you ma’am- type situation.

So how the fuck did it turn out like this?  

Maybe all those years of Sougo calling him “Hijibaka” has some truth to it, because when he’s staring down at the languid bend of your spine as you work yourself on his stiff length, his thoughts encroach on some dangerous territory that is decidedly not somewhere he wants to be in. Because, when he hears the sound of your voice calling in his name in the heat of the moment, another kind of heat tingles up the back of his neck, something that is entirely different than what the two of you had agreed on. Because, when he collapses next to you on the bed and looks at you wheezing while coming down from the high, his post nut clarity says Jesus H. Christ, I want something more out of this woman. 

And that thought is what propels him out of bed, but it’s the thought of you, just you, that brings him back every time, because he is Hijibaka and you are you and he is fucked. Fuck. 

He won’t say it first. He won’t. And if you want to break it off, he will leave without protest, without looking back. But until then.

Kamui:

It isn’t hard to see how it had evolved. Actually, it was probably there all along. 

“Friends with benefits,” you had enunciated and repeated, voice layered with a warning, and Kamui had smiled and said, “Ok, if that’s what you want to call it.” 

You can call the arrangement however you see fit, but these truths are undeniable: Kamui sees, Kamui wants, Kamui takes. 

He wants you. Simple and clean as that. Wants your tight heat wrapped around his cock, warming away the cold night. Wants to bite the back of your neck, leaving deep marks that will hold until his next visit to Earth. Wants the scent of you lingering in his hair before he goes out to space. If you want to moniker it “friends with benefits”, you can, but Kamui knows he wants so it doesn’t matter if you call it “this” or “that” (Earthlings are strange like that, with all their semantics).   

But what he doesn’t get is that, while the arrangement is a mutual exchange of your body for his and there is exclusivity, there is only a kind of exclusivity, which means he has you but he doesn’t have you. Not everything. (Again, earthlings with all their semantics.) 

And the cold truth of it became all the more apparent when he was wandering the Edo pathways that led to your house one day, where he encountered you along the way, but you weren’t alone. No, you were with another male, laughing and smiling, and Kamui didn’t like the look. He didn’t like it at all. 

But when he interrupted, you had strangely turned on him, furiously saying stuff like ‘we don’t have that kind of relationship!’, and it had  dawned on him then, about what exactly the meaning of “friends with benefits” was.

Kamui isn’t very concerned about the news (he’ll have you, all of you, in the end, he knows). After all, as a baldie had once said: love starts in bed. 

Okita Sougo: 

He prides in it, you know, gaining an upper hand against everyone else, an edge that sets him above the rest. Very arrogant, don’t you think? Very befitting of a sadist. 

So when did he suddenly find himself like this, like, like 

a masochist. 

It’s not his first rodeo, having a fuck buddy, but he’s acting like a fumbling amateur, because this is the longest he’s ever been with anybody before. It’s not like him to stay this long. It’s an unspoken rule of his that he leaves, gone before anything can turn to unnecessary attachment, unnecessary feelings. Okita doesn’t need the unnecessary. It’s distracting. It’s weak. 

And another trait he prides in is being unpredictable. Unpredictable bazooka attacks on Hijikata. Unpredictable smacks to your ass. Being able to read everyone, but being unable to be read. And now that’s gone too, because recently, you had mentioned right after sex that you felt like, he’s changing. 

He’s changing. 

Of course, Okita scoffed and pinched your nose shut in punishment. “Idiot,” he had said to you, but it was more directed towards himself, his heart thumping fast in a way that was similar to a kid’s who had been caught with his hand in a cookie jar. 

Shit. 

And with every session from there on, the weakness grows. It’s a pimple, growing until it bursts and festers and shit, he’s really done it now, because he should distance himself, but he can’t stop, doesn’t want to stop, and he’s acting like a goddamn masochist and his role is sadist for crying out loud, so why is he torturing himself like this--

Okita has another trait: lying. He’ll lie to you, to every person who thinks that they see what isn’t there, and to himself. It’s not there. It’s most definitely not there. Manifestation. 

If Hijibaka is Hijibaka, then Okita is the world’s biggest idiot. 

Sakata Gintoki: 

“Let’s stop.”

Dead-eyed. Blanked face. Hair permed. Finger flicking away snot. The other hand leisurely tucked into his kimono. He looks the same. Like normal.

Why?

Gintoki turns to walk away, face hidden as he shrugs and says, “Got boring. See ya.” 

The arrangement started suddenly. He was bored. You were bored. You were hot. You tolerated him enough to stick your hands down his pants. Wanna fuck? Sure. Let’s do it. 

It was casual and nothing was expected of him, other than his awesome, stellar dicking skills. Just the way he liked it. 

Until things got a little more serious, out of his range of comfort. Sex was great, and you were the same, still moaning and doing those nice clenching things with your gorilla-grip pussy. But things just felt off. Different. Was it you? Was it him? Doesn’t matter. He hates introspection, digging deep into the dark of himself; he doesn’t care to find out about the clusterfuck he unearths. 

So Gintoki skedaddled. 

He wasn’t prepared for it to hurt like a bitch though, like plastering duct tape on an open wound and yanking it off a split-second later. 

Aa. So that’s what it was. And like usual, Gintoki goes on living, like nothing happened. 

Coward. Yeah, so what? It’s not like you feel the same, and even if you did, what does it matter? He’s got two kids and a dog to feed and plenty of other problems, like getting the new Shonen Jump release before it’s sold out or achieving his goal of eating fifty chocolate parfaits in one sitting. 

(It all makes sense when you realize that Gintoki has commitment issues.)

Behold, everyone is an A+ stupido. 

Jan 8th. I’m anticipating and dreading at the same time. 

[ironxkid]

why don't you like endgame or civil war

((hoo buddy, idk what brought this up but salt under the cut!! Like... a lot of salt - specifically regarding Endgame lmao

I’m gonna start off with CACW because it’s a short response lol

I don’t like it simply because I was done with the infighting between the Avengers. The found family crumbs we were given in Endgame was something I really wanted to see, and them just... ripping them apart frustrated me lol

honestly, the movie was... fine? Idk, I found it to be a lil slow for my taste (it felt like it just dragged on when I watched it in theaters), and I just don’t care for it in general  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Also, ngl, I’m really bummed that Captain America: Serpent Society was a joke announcement because that sounds dope as hell and I really wanted to see that before I realized it’d been a joke dfgjhdsfhj

but, yeah, literally just because CACW is specifically an infighting movie annoys me to no end so I just won’t watch it again dgsfjhsfdhj

now, Endgame?

fuck Endgame

I. have a lot of issues with it, all of which are major grievances throughout the fandom. I’m pissed they killed Natasha and didn’t even bother giving her a fucking funeral because, I quote from Joe Russo, “Well, Tony does not have another movie. Tony is done. And Natasha has another film. And Marvel Universe obviously does not have to move forward linearly anymore. But that character still has more screen time coming.” (see here) and that annoys the hell out of me. She’s getting another movie - great! So you killed one of the few characters doing her fucking best to keep everything together at the compound, the one who was taking charge, give her a big role, and then murk her and... give her nothing but a brief mention at the end. Like... what the fuck? Natasha deserved so much better than what she was given. Tony’s funeral could’ve (and, frankly, should’ve) been a funeral for him, Natasha, and Vision because god forbid we see anyone mourn Vision other than Wanda

(actually this post covers how Endgame fucked over the MCU women perfectly, though Wanda’s not mentioned :c )

plus... Tony’s not done lol - he’s still a massive figure in the films/shows despite RDJ not acting in them, so his character has left shockwaves that aren’t dying any time soon. Natasha... basically disappeared, and I believe she would’ve been dropped completely if it wasn’t for the fact she does have a film coming out soon. Which, frankly, seems awesome and all, but it’s a film that goes back to post-CACW pre-IW and... frankly doesn’t give me any reason to understand why that means she didn’t get a funeral. She’s not coming back in future movies/shows that are in present MCU timeline - her movie is set in the past. She could’ve gotten a decent sendoff 

now, Clint’s arc as Ronin rubs me the wrong way. I know it’s a huge thing in the comics, and it’s not him taking a different mantle that I have an issue with. It’s the fact he, a white man, went around murdering people and got off scot-free. Yes, he was targeting genuinely bad people, but... to show that, they specifically singled out Mexican cartels and the yakuza (Japanese mafia, essentially) - so, in other words, the bad guys were people of color! I feel like I don’t need to explain how fucked up that is. And, to clarify, I love Clint! Clint is honestly one of my favorite characters, and the whole thing was just handled... poorly in the film

Tony’s arc genuinely hurts. This is a man who has suffered for years and has tried to make things right, and finally got a chance to settle down. He finally retired from the Avengers, finally settled down, and had a fucking life��he could enjoy despite his ghosts, and yet... His arc ends with a message of “tortured soul finally gets rest by dying”. Because, y’know, it’s great seeing yet another long-suffering character only reaching peace through death, because god forbid they let characters heal! He could’ve still caused the second Snap, and he could’ve survived. He could’ve finally been able to step away for good and focus on his family, focus on recovering, and be truly happy. What’s so wrong with letting him stay alive so he can rest and be with his family? What’s so wrong with letting a long-suffering character finally find peace after one last bang? 

plus it pisses me off that they’re now using him as a reasoning as to why bad things are still happening. Why is this person the bad guy? Because Tony Stark somehow may or may not have done something that hurt them! Even though most of that really stems from Howard or Obadiah. Tony just ends up getting the blame in their place. He’s just an easy target to use, much like the tesseract seems to be the go-to answer for why things go wrong. But this is a different train of thought

Steve’s ending pisses me off just as much as the next person lmao. You take a character who has acknowledged he no longer belongs in the past (which, funnily enough, was written by the Russos), aaaaaaand have him go back to the past while ignoring two important people in his life that were still right there. He got Bucky and Sam back, and he leaves them. His arc is ruined within a matter of minutes, and it paints a hella bad picture of him in the process. He goes back in time to stay with Peggy (which ultimately destroys her own arc, and the fact she’s a person outside of her relationship (or lack thereof) with him because, y’know, why have her be able to move on and be her own person?), and we’re supposed to believe he’s fine with everything he knows from the future? Fine with knowing Bucky’s trapped with HYDRA and is suffering as the Winter Soldier? Fine with knowing HYDRA has infested SHIELD from day one? Fine with knowing Howard and Maria are going to die? Fine with royally fucking up the timelines? We’re supposed to believe he sat back and did nothing with all of that? They could’ve had him still hand the shield over to Sam - they could’ve let Steve stay an Avenger without the mantle

also the fact the Russos said he didn’t recognize Red Skull when he returned to Vormir to return the soul stone? Like... what the fuck?? Not to mention he literally returns the stone to Vormir, which “soul for a soul”, and they didn’t bring Nat back that way??

and now onto Thor. Thor... holy fuck is this hitting something personal for me. Thor was ridden with guilt - he was furious with himself, hated himself, and blamed himself for failing to stop the Snap. He fell into a massive depression, and... was promptly danced around as laughing stock. Like, “oh! look at Thor! he’s fat and drunk because he’s depressed haha!” - like fuck off. It’s not funny in any form. His suffering was made into a joke and it pisses me off because I suffer from depression. A lot of people suffer from depression. It’s not funny. It’s fucking terrifying at times. I wasted a shit ton of money on a stupid online sim game because it was a distraction - it gave me... god, I wouldn’t even say temporary happiness, but it gave me something to temporarily help, and I still hate myself for doing it. It was a poor decision on my part, and I wish I could change it. And, during that time, I was scared because I couldn’t see myself pulling out of it. I thought I was gonna feel that way forever. I called out of work multiple times because there were days I couldn’t stop crying (something I still feel horrible for doing), I couldn’t get myself to contact any of my friends for months, and it was all because the medication I was on at the time... stopped working. Thankfully, my depression doesn’t work in a way that makes me a danger to myself, so that wasn’t an issue, but it still fucking sucked. And to see a character that I could relate to on such a personal level treated as laughing stock fucking hurt. I’m not sharing this for sympathy - I’m sharing this because it Thor’s arc hit home and it’s literally the main reason why I will not watch Endgame again

this is more of a nitpick than anything else, but... I didn’t really care for Carol in it tbh? Which is unfortunately because Captain Marvel is one of my absolute favorite movies! And I’m well aware she was introduced in Endgame while CM was being drafted, but that in itself is annoying?? Because Carol was originally going to be introduced in AoU, but was cut because it wasn’t going to introduce her character properly. And yet they decide to introduce her character in a clusterfuck of a movie before her movie is in the final stages, and proceed to release her movie first and then give a complete different characterization in her following appearance

honestly I just wanna cover this now to clarify some things regarding Carter and her backstory: the only reason I keep Endgame as is is because it felt easier for me to do so for the purpose of bending canon for specific threads. I wanted to stay as true to the given plots as possible to help with fudging of both the movies and her background, and also because I didn’t want anyone to feel like I was trying to force my own headcanons onto them, y’know? 

I’m just gonna plug this here because fuck it lol, but I did start a fix-it fic regarding Endgame that you can read here! I... probably won’t finish it tbh, and I haven���t gone over it in a hot minute so it might be riddled with errors ahah - plus I’m not sure about how I wrote the characters! I get nervous when writing canon characters because I feel like I’ll miss their characterization completely, which is actually why I,,, rarely rp canon characters dgfjhgsfdhj

also the image in the doc was created by @/archervale!! 

[paradife-loft]

Close reading all the Jin Guangyao scenes: episode 24

Episode 10 | Episode 11 | Episode 22 | Episode 23

The title of this is a lie, actually, since the first half? two thirds? of this is going to be finishing up with episode 23, but ah well.

So, I left off with the previous episode right after the deeply unfortunate clusterfuck of a conversation between Jin Guangyao, Lan Xichen, Nie Mingjue, and Jin Guangshan, followed by “sometimes war crimes can double as grooming your extremely emotionally vulnerable son, and that’s terrible”. Which means now, it’s time for…

Swearing an (extremely ill-advised) oath of holy fratrimony!

This is a bit of speculation, since we see almost no detail on what went into the decision to become sworn brothers, but my read is that it at least partially reflects a political motive – tying prominent members of three clans together, rebuilding the rather demolished state of firm alliances and power left in the wake of a major war – while also reflecting a personal desire I think on Lan Xichen’s part to repair the rift between his two good friends, and offer them each a promise that they won’t be left isolated in the middle of larger forces trying to break them down.

The political aspect becomes a bit more apparent when considering the wording of the oath itself, actually: “We are liable to the immortal sects. We are to bring peace and stability to the commoners… If there is a change of heart, one will be faced with a thousand accusing fingers, and the wrath of Heaven and men!” – While this reflects a shared set of values, certainly, it also strikes me as relevant that these three, two of them current sect leaders, are swearing essentially not to become like the Wen clan that they’ve just deposed: they’ll be accountable to others, they’ll work for the benefit of those living under their authority, rather than capriciously throwing their weight around for personal gain.

Oh, and also - I’ve mentioned before, the dramatic irony here in how the consequences they invoke for failing to uphold the principles of their sworn brotherhood are in fact exactly what happens to Jin Guangyao in the end – given what’s to come, the oath he’s swearing ends up being more like a curse. Don’t swear oaths, kids, it never works out well. Of course, at the time, I don’t think he has any intention at all of betraying those principles – the “bring peace and stability to the commoners” part is certainly something he makes an effort to follow up on, once he has the power to do so! Still, for something that starts out with an explicit declaration to not be the sort of evil that Nie Mingjue so straightforwardly abhors, it’s… a very sad outcome.

Moving forward, we have… the most awkward set of greetings in the entire world, I swear. Mingjue shows up to the post-victory banquet and gets offered the world’s most politically-fraught location on the seating chart; Lan Xichen then reminds Jin Guangyao in front of the assembled members of three(!) separate sects to call him da-ge instead of Chifeng-zun. Jin Guangyao redoes his greeting/offer with the most intense deer-in-headlights look (pictured above), pretty clearly aware that Mingjue is not about to be happy with him. (This little exchange, including the encouraging nod also from LXC to NMJ, is further evidence beyond simply their general personalities I think, that Xichen was the driving force behind the brotherhood oath, especially in a personal sense.) But also, it serves as another piece of foreshadowing future events: knowing Mingjue is unlikely to be happy with the offer of Wen Ruohan’s old throne, Jin Guangshan hands the actual task of offering it off to Jin Guangyao. Here at least, Mingjue doesn’t get distracted from who’s really behind the offer, and addresses Jin Guangshan in vehemently refusing the seat; but it nonetheless continues establishing the pattern where JGS uses Jin Guangyao to be the primary face of his own less-than-savory political maneuvering.

(Which in general, makes me think it’s kind of interesting that he does have Jin Guangyao there greeting guests with him in the first place, and not Jin Zixuan? It’s a bit difficult for me to read what the status of co-greeter is supposed to be – second-in-command, or glorified servant? I think there may be a little bit of both, if JGY is there on one hand because he was the one setting the banquet up, but on the other hand also, because JGS wants to parade him around as his very own hero of the Sunshot Campaign, as Sect Leader Yao is so kind to remind us.

And then there’s... the one-on-one chat with Wei Wuxian.

First off, I’d like to link people to this post by @hunxi-guilai​, which honestly just goes over… a lot of what I probably would have liked to say about the implied meanings in this conversation. Essentially: Wei Wuxian is interested in what’s going on with this other Sunshot hero who also seems to be not carrying any sword (in a scene where we even see Jiang Yanli carrying hers!), and who had previously used a somewhat unorthodox weapon for his Wen Ruohan stabbing. Jin Guangyao though, is… not really interested in drawing attention to either of those facts (and I’m sure not in a way that would see him in solidarity with WWX), considering “unorthodox and outside the standard set of accepted behaviours in cultivator society” is the opposite of what he’s trying to look like right now.

Relevant to this, honestly, is the question of “what the fuck exactly even is a soft sword,” which CQL does approximately nothing to explain on the face of it, and only very implicitly does so if you’re obsessive like me and try to take blurry screenshots to compare the sword we see stabbing WRH with the sword that Jin Guangyao uses when fighting WWX’s paperman in episode 41.

Which do appear to be the same sword, inability to get a good clear look at it in either context notwithstanding. Oh, and JGY seems to have either repainted or swapped out the hilt, at some point in the intervening years – perhaps to better match the Jin clan’s aesthetic of white & gold sword decoration that we see on Jin Zixuan’s Suihua?

Anyway, for context on the “what’s a soft sword” issue, I am going to quote a relevant portion from the (EXR translation of the) MDZS novel, even though in general I’m trying to keep the canon cross-pollination in these meta to a minimum.

Back then, when Jin GuangYao worked undercover at Wen RuoHan’s side, he had often hidden the sword at his waist, wreathed the sword around his arm to use during critical moments. Although the blade of Hensheng seemed to be soft to the extremity, attacking with lingering motions, it was in reality both sharp and haunting. Once the blade had wrapped around the opposition, Jin GuangYao would apply it with a bizarre spiritual power, and one would quickly be severed into pieces by the sword, despite its tender appearance. Quite a few famous swords had been battered into piles of scrap iron just like this. At the moment, the blade of the sword attacked as though it was a serpent with silver scales, biting at the paperman without any hesitation.

So yeah – it’s an uncommon weapon, a sword with a blade that can bend and thus works very well for things like being sneaky and unassuming, and not fighting “fairly” in a way the vast majority of other cultivators would have any experience countering.

And... oh my god. Now we’re finally onto episode 24 properly.

The first input we get from Jin Guangyao this episode is this charming smirk as Wei Wuxian walks up into the center of the hall to interrupt JGS’s unpleasant “hey let’s renew this betrothal~” play. Personal amusement about a rather dramatic individual showing up to do something undoubtedly also dramatic? Entertainment about how a person not known for his skill at subtle political maneuvering is probably about to come in and make a mess that the Jin clan will be able to spin to their own advantage? Ehhh, why not both?

Though of course, the Jiang clan members function very well as a unit here once Wei Wuxian comes in to shake things up, and it’s not nearly the uncomplicated win for the Jin clan that he was probably expecting. Meanwhile, once that’s over, he takes the next opportunity to introduce his father’s next order of business, the invitation to the Phoenix Mountain hunt - and in fact, he does so with an absolutely seamless transition from Jiang Yanli’s rejection of the proposed marriage plan renewal:

“Everyone. For the previous Clan Leader Jiang to have such a daughter is already a great comfort to his soul. And not just Jiang Clan, but after the mess with the Wen Clan, every clan has experienced losses. This is a crucial time for us to rebuild and we critically are in need of manpower. For the past days, Father has spent a lot of time pondering over this matter. Luckily, he’s found a countermeasure. I dare to represent my father in inviting everyone back to Jinlintai during the fall. Jin clan will be putting all efforts towards reorganizing the round-up and hunting event at Hundred Phoenixes Mountain.”

It’s easy to overlook, I think, but the amount of rhetorical skill to put that together on the fly? It’s really not for nothing that Meng Yao was first introduced as being impressively sharp and well-spoken. He’s taking what starts as a loss of face for the Jin clan, redirecting it to focus on the virtue of Jiang Yanli, and then tying that in to the losses and worries that every sect now has in the wake of the war ending. And having reminded them of their own interests and present worries here, he steps in to offer a solution that slots the Jin clan in back at the top, looking extremely good, due to the wealth and comparative manpower advantage they have over everyone else after entering the war relatively late.

(Also, to clarify since it’s only ever implied rather than stated outright in the show, via the dialogue here and then another piece during the hunt itself – the Hundred Phoenix Mountain hunt, from what I can tell, is a regular event held for the purpose of showing off each clan’s skills so that they can attract new prospective disciples, hence why it’s a solution to the sects’ manpower being depleted by the war. Additionally, given the use in particular of reorganizing the event, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that ordinarily, this event would be one put on by the Chief Cultivator. So with the Wen sect demolished, there was nobody readily available to step up and take over handling this event until now. Jin Guangshan may be fooling none of the viewers about his intentions in adopting a seat right next to Wen Ruohan’s old chair, but he’s certainly making good use of a-Yao’s rhetorical talent to get yet another instance of stepping into the role vacated by the Wen sect looked upon as praiseworthy benevolence.)

…And then what thanks does he get for it? Some dispassionate praise, more work, and no appreciation for the tea he’s made.

It’s a bit telling (and painful) the way he responds to being asked if he’s found the location of the Yin metal yet, also: “Not yet; I’m incompetent.” I think he’s definitely the sort to feel, even as he’s very aware of the worth of his skills and what sort of areas he’s good with in some respects, the foundation of his belief in himself is nonetheless incredibly rocky and it’s easy for a reminder of any sort of failure to loom suddenly very large over his self-assessment in the moment.

At the same time though, Jin Guangyao is very much an adaptable person, and we see that on full display with his next explanation: that the one who has the last piece of Yin metal may very likely be Wei Wuxian. It’s both an exercise in political savvy, pointing out a powerful and disruptive influence likely to cause problems for Jin Guangshan in the future if his interference in the marriage proposal is any indication, and a significant sewing together of information from several different sources: Wei Wuxian’s opportunity to be in the same place previously as Xue Yang, as he explains to JGS, but also the front-row seat for WWX interfering with the power of Wen Ruohan’s Yin metal using Chenqing and his new Yin Tiger Seal.

I don’t think he holds any particular animosity toward Wei Wuxian at this point? This reads to me like a calculation based pretty essentially on: his father is clearly invested in expanding the power of the Jin sect and diminishing the interest or ability of other sects to oppose him, and also in (instrumentally to that goal) getting his hands on the last piece of Yin metal. Jin Guangyao has been explicitly tasked with working on the latter concern, and probably implicitly at least with the former - at some point, and some point soon, he’s going to need to produce results on that front, or else be dropped from JGS’s incredibly conditional regard for not being useful enough. Given the confluence of circumstances, lining up suspicions (which for all he knows are likely even true!) against Wei Wuxian serves both goals, and gives him another safe place to rest for a day or two before having to continue worrying how to be helpful enough to keep deserving his newfound status.

And that’s it for Jin Guangyao in episode 24! Poor kiddo. Looks like you can climb another rung higher on the ladder, sure, but it doesn’t mean you’ll make it free of being used for quite a long while still.

[tutorialhomu]

ahaha i never share shit like this with the public but here i fucking go! MadoHomu fic!

warning! i am bad at writing!!, and i do not write a consistent amount so if SOMEONE actually sees and enjoys this, then uh, i apologize! also this is basically an AU where magical girls just don’t exist! no wishes or nothing. Let’s just say that mami lived her lil car accident by a miracle (that ISN’T a wish). also let’s go gamers this is officially the first post on ANY website that i have actively put tags on! also it just, stops and uh, thats where i’ve written to. have fun trying to comprehend my clusterfuck of a mental state The sun was shining palely through the curtains of a hospital room, which housed a small thin girl whom had been hospitalized for most of her childhood. The young girl turned her head to the small calendar which sat idly on her bedside table. On the calendar there was a single marking, On March 16th. The girl sat up in her bed as she stared at the small calendar. Today was the 16th, the day she was to start school. The girl had never been to a school before, all of her education had been from tutors. Her heart condition prevented her from going to a physical school up in until now. 

 The young girl dressed herself in the schools uniform and she departed. The school wasn’t too far from the hospital so the girl was able to walk.  The warmth of the sun padded the girls skin as she walked. Eventually, she began to hear voices. joyful voices all shouting, yelling, laughing and enjoying themselves. The girl walked into the schools courtyard and was faced with thousands of students, all walking. All in the same uniform. The girl felt her anxiety swelling from within her as she entered the school. It felt as everyone around her was staring. of course there would’ve been some people who heard about a transfer student, but all of them?  As the girl navigated to her classes her fear only grew.

Anxiously, She stood outside her class, peering in through the walls made of glass. apparently the glass was one sided, but she had no way to know, as she had never been inside of one. Suddenly the teacher walked out to the door, and with a gentle smile, signalled for her to enter. The girl watched the teacher walk back into the classroom, and in that moment, the girl was filled with dread and anxiety.  What if they don’t like me? What if they make fun of me..? The girl pushed her fears aside and walked into the classroom, standing idle in front of the white board as the teacher introduced her. “now everyone, as you can see we have a new student today! Ms. Akemi has spent the past few years of her life hospitalized due to a heart disease, and has been out of school since! i hope we can all get along!” the teachers introduction pained the girl to hear, every important detail, even as to why she was hospitalized. Behind the girl, her name was written in an outstanding purple colour. “Homura Akemi.” Then again, the teacher spoke. “Ms. Akemi, you can sit in the free desk beside Madoka Kaname, Kaname san? could you raise your hand so our friend can see her spot?” A short, pink haired girl raised her hand, she sat closer to the back of the class, that brought Homura a sigh of relief. The girl looked relatively friendly, her soft eyes matched perfectly with her hair and her face shape, and her smile shined more relentlessly than the sun. 

Homura sat in her seat quietly, only daring to look at the girl next to her once. but somehow, in that moment, the pink haired girl looked back to her. As their eyes met, it felt like time had stopped. Seconds felt like minutes, yet it seemed like no one else had noticed. Madoka gave a smile and looked back to the front as if nothing had happened. Akemi’s heart rate rose above resting. Her mind flowed with thoughts. was there really no consequence to being caught staring at her?  that felt more like a reward. 

She couldn’t clear her thoughts, she was too distracted. The warmth in the smile that she had received practically stunned her. Akemi did her best to gather her concentration, but she was never able to hold onto it for long enough. 

 Before long the lunch bell had rang out its soft song and students were dismissed from their classwork. And after a while, before she could notice, Akemi was surrounded by other students. That should have been SOME kind of normal.. right?

After a while, Akemi could barely focus. almost all of the girls in the class stood side by side around her like vultures. shooting questions as they may. Suddenly, like the sun poking through the clouds, the group of girls parted as someone stepped in. Akemi barely rendered the words spoken, but those words were a saving grace. 

“Not to interrupt you all! But ms. Akemi has to go to the nurses office to take her medicine at lunch time”

The girls around Akemi all stood for a moment, bearing confused faces, then slowly they began to return to their seats, leaving with repeated fraises of “Sorry!” and “We should talk again sometime!”

Akemi looked up and came eye to eye with Madoka for the second time. Like the last, madoka tilted her head and smiled, but this time it was followed by words.“If you follow me, i can bring you to the nurses office!”

Madoka took Akemis hand and the two of them walked out into the hallway. After a bit, Madoka let go of akemis hand, then turned to face her. Madoka wore a soft smile as well as she wore her ribbons, it just felt natural.

“i’m sorry about them, see we don’t get a lot of transfer students here, they mean no harm!”

akemi stood confused for a moment. was kaname apologizing for something that wasn’t her fault?

[onewomancitadel]

RS is this program I’m taking at my college. My counselor’s been giving me a hell of a headache but I got most the documentation done. All I need to do is actually register for the classes with my counselor’s permission, something she is adamantly avoiding. Sorry for the rant. Good news is that I’ve started to put together the plot for the Knightfall fic I’ve been talking about. Titles have been difficult but I like, “Sit Back And Watch The World Go By,”

Oh well I hope it works out in that case! Sounds like a pain in the bottom! No worries about the rant, I think you may have noticed I have made a few recent posts in memory about my uni troubles lol. My rule of thumb is to send more emails than you think you need to, especially for documentation. In my third year I had an absolute snafu where I failed a subject because of genuine clerical error (on the uni’s part), and it took over a month for it to resolve and I could finally pass the subject - there were three different people who all kept referring me to each other to fix it, and every time I annoyed them they said it wasn't their problem. Total clusterfuck and waste of time, but I also needed proof I had followed up the issue, so I kept those emails lol.

Great to hear about your Knightfall fic, though! (And great distraction from uni/college nonsense, right lol). I like that title, mostly because I like anything visual/seeing/knowing related to the ship XD My writing process is that I almost alway start with fic titles, or a particular scene which makes me bother to open up a Word Document - I can be a bit defeatist about the ideas I get and imagine that other people have already written them or nobody would be interested. It's sort of miraculous I've put anything out now at all lol. But titles are one of my favourite parts to write just because I love the way they can be grounding thematically for the story.

It also gives me a great excuse to do 'research' reading poetry and listening to music (: I just came up with a title for this other Knightfall fic (also a longfic) I'm going to start posting after The Distance Which Fools the Skimming Eye is finished, so there'll be heaps more coming!! (touch wood)

I can't wait to read your fic when you share it (: How long are you planning it to be? Mine was *not* supposed to be long and then when I sat down and plotted it out I couldn't avoid it lol. Good luck writing and feel free to tell me more about it!

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 15x12 “Galaxy Brain”

CHUCK’S REALLY OUT HERE MARIE KONDOING HIS MULTIVERSE CLUSTERFUCK

-

05:16pm

45 days ago this show went into hiatus and i was like i’M GONNA WRITE ALL THE DESTIEL FANFIC

45 days later all i have is over a hundred thousand words of star trek: deep space nine fic and two failed attempts at destiel because every time i tried to write even the simplest, softest, shortest story, my brain would switch to depression mode and cease to function, only to be immediately rescued as soon as i gave up and thought about deep space nine again

hyperfixating autistic brain sure is a thing

i feel odd noting this, but i think a strange reason i’m less inclined to write spn fics right now is because i would always write from a place of dissatisfaction, because i disliked or distrusted where the story was going in terms of dean and cas’ relationship - except s15 seems to be going fine so i have nothing to complain about or fix (THIS BETTER NOT JINX IT OH MY GOD). even AUs don’t make sense anymore?? BUT THAT SAID i’m definitely not gonna stop trying. sometime soon the right story idea will Arrive and i will write it. and post it the same weekend because y’all have waited LONG ENOUGH

-

05:22pm

right!! let’s watch whatever this is. i have no clue what’s about to happen. they’re going to alaska right?? or did they already go to alaska and come back? i forget

edit: i guess alaska looked suspiciously like vancouver so i didn’t notice

-

05:24

ohhhh yeah i wondered when kaia would come after dean for michael breaking the spear

-

05:25

p R ES I D EN T  HI L A R Y  CL I NT ON

-

edit: but now i’m wondering.......... remember when au!bobby came and sat in the bunker with sam and a bunch of the au hunters, and sam basically did a powerpoint presentation and bobby was like “you have a racist pumpkin for a president” ? and how jack’s biological father was also the president? what’s the timeline on that? because if clinton’s doing a reelection then she’s had her 4 years already so that doesn’t match. THEN AGAIN, as we learn at the end of this episode, radio shed world is another au, so now i think about it, it doesn’t matter, the end. computer, erase that entire personal log

-

until the kid said “radio shed” my brain literally read the thing as “radio shack” regardless

and they don’t even have that where i’m from

-

“it’s monologue time”

THIS KID BETTER SURVIVE

-

“the world”

cue a tv shot of DEAN AND CAS 

??

-

radio shed is having a 50% off sale and there was only one customer?? just occurred to me

giant tv? in this economy?

yeah guess not

-

these AUs don’t spark joy.

“but they do”, with chuck pointing at dean and cas. “they challenge me”

CLEARLY THEY REFUSE TO KISS

-

05:31pm

CHUCK’S REALLY OUT HERE MARIE KONDOING HIS MULTIVERSE CLUSTERFUCK

-

05:32

when it says “our world” does it mean sam and dean’s world or THIS WORLD 

*edit* the former, clearly

-

05:39

aahhh i missed jody

-

05:41

somehow jack looks much older

-

05:44

i really don’t know what it is, but every time there’s a close up of sam’s face this season his face makes me very uncomfortable. it’s either tense or jumping around all over the place and i really can’t tell if it’s sam or jared having a face problem

-

05:46

thAT LIL DEAN CAS *CLINK*

i expect all the gifs on my dash by the time i post this

-

05:50

KAIA’S ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY

TIME TO GET HER AND CLAIRE BACK TOGETHER

-

05:53

i assume “connect four” is also a metaphor for the family

or worlds

or something

-

CAS AND JODY NEVER MET????????????????????????? AFTER HOW MANY FUCKING YEARS THEY NEVER MET????????????

-

05:56

the graphic designer in me cringes at the magazine not-kaia’s reading, particularly the ad for bb cream. i mean it looks legit but there’s no brand name for a standard-name product (what kind of company would advertise like that??), and the text at the side is BLACK ON BLACK???????????????? HRHGHHGH

-

06:01

jody: “if we fail.......”

cas: “she’d never recover”

sounds like cas knows a little about romantic pining and heartbreak

-

06:09

WHY DOES CAS NEVER GET TO GO ON ADVENTURES

-

06:14

the sound of the thunder makes my spine tingly

feels relaxing

like... pretty sure that’s asmr, i get that soLELY from thunder sounds??

-

06:15

DEAN GOT A HUG FROM KAIA WOWOWOW didn’t expect that

-

06:22

billie: “the books write themselves”

gettin a lil terry pratchett vibe there. yee

-

06:25

it’s over. radio shed guy.......... oh no

-

WHAT A GOOD EPISODE. best part was them finding kaia and kaia giving dean a hug and not-kaia staying behind and her world coming down around her. i cried a little ;~;

loved how there was team free will + jack and then WOMEN of the same number, if you include billie, and discount the fact the reaper died the moment billie arrived

wow i really didn’t write much as i watched. but this was so absorbing! and smooth! and beautiful in so many places. i look forward to seeing claire and kaia happily reunited at a later time c:

i liked kaia and jack’s friendship. it was complicated and sweet, and kaia did look good in his clothes~

and when kaia and dean hugged, sam’s reaction smile was the most comfortable i’ve seen his face look all season. *thumbs up emoji*

ahh this was nice. i mean, everything was terrible, but it was fun and somehow soft. because Family Doing Stuff Together and saving one life even if it endangered the world forever

10/10

also? the women had very nice false eyelashes, which were very natural-looking, except for the fact that i noticed them and was constantly distracted by them

[amandaoftherosemire]

May Update!

Hey! Hi! I am so sorry for disappearing for awhile. I have to admit that I wasn’t going to talk about why but I realized we can’t get past a stigma if people like me don’t talk about it. I'll try to be honest, without being too much of a drag.

I have depression, anxiety, and panic disorders for which I’m on medication. I’ve dealt with these things since I was first diagnosed when I was nineteen, so I've got time and experience on my side. Hell, I've named all the voices in my head at this point (not really a joke). However, my doctor and I decided to change my medication at the end of March. As you might imagine, this was a difficult time to be fucking around with psychiatric meds.

For the uninitiated, the kinds of medications one takes for these conditions isn't the kind you can just stop taking and start something else. I had to slowly wean myself off of one and onto another. It took over six weeks.

I was not okay. One of my maladaptive coping mechanisms for depression and anxiety is isolation. So I isolated myself, but mentally as well as physically. I had to turn the notifications on my phone off because they were triggering panic attacks. I spent most of that time rage screaming at the news, disassociating with existential terror, and distracting myself from that existential terror by playing Animal Crossing like everybody else not deemed essential.

Weird to be both grateful and insulted to discover how not necessary I am.

I'm still not doing great, tbh. But I'm pretty sure most of that is living in the Mirror universe, trapped in a clusterfuck.

In the first draft of this, here is where I wrote over five hundred words about the United States federal government's response to Covid-19 and the consequences of that before I realized that I was ranting so I don't know. I haven't been on a full dose of the new med for even a week so maybe that's why I'm so angry. It looks to me like the world's gone mad, which makes it hard to tell where my crazy stops and its crazy begins.

So, the voices: I have Cramanda (useless idiot), Manda Pixie Dream Girl (butterfly chaser), Frank (voice of reason/asshole), Maleficent (RAGE!), and Amanda Prime (the organized soul with the clipboard who so desperately wants to believe she's in charge). My particular brand of crazy likes to crawl inside where it's dark and quiet, to cocoon itself with Amanda Prime and whisper about how pointless it all is while the inmates run the asylum.

I have spent most of my time for the last six weeks alone with these lunatics yammering away in my head, day and night, because depression makes my insomnia worse, so I’m always fucking awake. Or I've been bugging my husband to entertain me and distract me from the cacophony, from the endless worry about my loved ones. Like I said, not doing great.

But! I have been through this before (the med change, at least), and I know that it will pass. I know that I'll get better, that Amanda Prime and Frank will take over again and I'll stop feeling like this, but it's brutal in the meantime. That's true for a lot of us right now; regardless of our mental state when all of this started, it's hard to feel great about where we are now.

But my husband will put down what he’s doing to humor me, so I can’t complain too hard either.

I have been writing, however. I've finished a smutty Bucky one-shot that will be up soon. And I've got a new series starting soon. I was in a Winter Soldier kind of mood so I thought I'd take a stab at it and I'm almost ready to start posting again. I wanted to wait until I could do more than just post and run back to my cave, but I can't wait much longer so we may have to work with what we've got.

I love all of you. Everyone who follows me, everyone who reads my stuff, everyone I want to send messages to but it feels like it's been too long and now I’m weird and awkward about it. I'm a dumpster fire of a human being, but I love you.

And to anyone else having a hard time right now. I see you, clinging to the same cliff I am. Keep holding on.

[armageddon-generation]

The Big Moffat Rewrite - Series 6

Following on from my Series 5 rewrite (which you don’t need to read to understand this).

SERIES 6

·         The problem with series 6 is Moffat wanted an intense arc but tried to have it both ways by cramming in standalone episodes. COMMIT to the arc, give it room to breathe

·         Mels is with the Ponds in the intro of The Impossible Astronaut, helping them look for 11, asking what he’s like – she watches their letter being delivered

·         Restructure the series

PART 1

The Impossible Astronaut / Day of the Moon

The Girl Who Waited

The God Complex

The Rebel Flesh / The Almost People

A Good Man Goes To War

PART 2

Let’s Kill Hitler / What Little Girls Are Made Of

Night Terrors

The Doctor’s Wife

Run

Bleeding Time / The Wedding of River Song

·         Cut The Curse of the Black Spot – it’s filler, not well-liked and adds another Rory death

·         11 leaves the Ponds at the end of Let’s Kill Hitler, instead of out of nowhere in The God Complex. By restructuring Part 1 the way I have, it builds up 11 having a negative influence on the Ponds. Let’s Kill Hitler forces him to recognise how unintentionally destructive he’s been to Amy’s life – what happened to River was the straw that broke the camel’s back

·         Part 2 builds 11’s relationship with River (replacing Night Terrors with a solo 11/River adventure). The Doctor’s Wife can be rewritten for one companion (Gaiman originally wrote it for just Amy) and we can expand on River’s interesting but underexplored relationship with the TARDIS.

·         Series 6 will be the Ponds’ last series as companions in my rewrite, because Moffat doesn’t really do anything good with them in series 7, they just kinda meander a bit ‘til they leave.

·         To that end, replace Rita in The God Complex with a timestream version of Clara, who actively saves 11 from the Minotaur after (it’s revealed in Series 7) the Great Intelligence manipulates the TARDIS into landing there

A Good Man Goes to War

·         This is an ideal world, so we get Jack Harkness back, replacing Dorium and Captain Avery, and being beheaded to set up the Face of Boe

·         Also, Jack is totally interested in Rory with his Centurion armour

·         Add the cut Ood Sigma scene because we love callbacks

Let’s Kill Hitler/What Little Girls Are Made Of

·         Make this a two-parter, because it’s a clusterfuck of information and super-confusing

·         First part deals with Hitler (PROPERLY – don’t turn him into a joke and then stick him in the cupboard) and establishes Mels, then introduce River at the end of the episode – the cliffhanger is she poisons 11 and runs

·         The second episode parallels the fascist propaganda machine of Nazi Germany with River’s brainwashing under the Silence – we see the effects of indoctrination, good people living in terror

·         Even when he’s been poisoned, 11 is distracted by the injustice of Nazi regime – this is why he never comes here, the temptation to interfere is too great (which the Teselecta indulge in). River is shocked that even now he wants to help people

·         Rory has a moment here – he’s already lived through WW2 once, protecting Amy as the Lone Centurion, and he had to keep his head down and not help then. He refuses to do it again.

·         We more explicitly discuss River’s psychology – this is not a tone-deaf comedy romp. Fill in her life between 1969 and meeting Amy in the 90s, abandoned and alone, reoccurring nightmares of the Spaceman coming to get her.

·         Madam Kovarian tracked her down midway through that time and brought her back in to the Silence, then set her up with Amy and Rory as kids to wait for 11. We have a sequence of Madam K. raising her as a dark, manipulative ‘mother’ to parallel the montage with Amy and Rory

·         The problem with River is that, despite acting independent and in-charge, her entire life revolves around the Doctor and she has no life (that we see) outside of him – by setting up this ‘helping people’ motif in the story and previously interacting with 11, River more naturally makes the decision to save the Doctor on her own

·         In the last scene when she becomes an archaeologist, establish that instead of “looking for the right man” River is trying to establish her own identity outside of the Doctor – she’s chosen archaeology because she knows how much it will annoy him (“I point and laugh at archaeologists”)

·         In the second episode, have the comedy come from the characters, not edgy jokes about Nazism – the awkwardness when Rory tries to assert parental authority over River (that relationship gets no development!), Amy trying to be a mum to someone older than her and both Ponds being freaked out by the Doctor flirting with their daughter.

Night Terrors

·         Rewrite Night Terrors (another not-too-brilliant standalone) as a River episode – an actually developed version of the ‘First Night’ minisode that’s ‘first meeting after Let’s kill Hitler what the fuck do we do now?

·         Develop River from the psychopathic murderer into the character we know - she and 11 clash on methodology (she wants to be ruthless, and knows he’s capable of it)

·         Finally, can we address that 11 ruined River’s life? She resents being made into a weapon because of him (and now he’s denying her that?). She’s stung by him leaving the Ponds, because of her

·         The plot about an alien kid and adoptive parents provokes intense reactions from River, paralleling her tragic relationship with her parents

·         Direct parallels between River/11 vs 11/Idris in the following The Doctor’s Wife

·         River kinda sees Idris as a surrogate mother figure? Her loss hits her hard too

·         At the end of The Doctor’s Wife 11 drops River off to go see the Ponds and try to connect with them, gifting her her Vortex Manipulator and leaving so he doesn’t have to see them. It’s just him and his box again.

Closing Time – renamed Run

·         Alice/Shona replaces Craig again

·         Just as Craig did, she’s had a kid with the guy 11 set her up with last time

·         Instead of a naff Cybermen story, explore more of what 11’s been doing for the past 200 years – basically been going on a destructive time-and-space bender.  Some threat from that chases after him.

·         11 learns of the Brigadeer’s death in this episode to give the moment more room to breathe. Alice, being down-to-Earth and no-nonsense, is the one who tells him to confront the thing he’s running from

Bleeding Time/The Wedding of River Song

·         I’m rewriting this clusterfuck

·         I know a lot of people hate the ‘time is broken so everything is happening at once’ idea because it completely breaks canon. It’d be better if the new world is a proper post-apocalypse with Reapers flying around killing everything they can get to

·         Instead of the Area 51 pyramid, the rebels are holed up in the oldest object in the world – inside the TARDIS. (calling back to The Doctor’s Wife, where we established the inside of the TARDIS, and better explains how they’re sending out that signal into space – it’s the TARDIS)

·         Make the finale a two-parter. First half is 11 held captive in an unknown location, being interrogated and recapping what happened before Lake Silencio. It ends with Amy walking in wearing an eyepatch, with the cliffhanger reveal of them being inside the TARDIS

·         Second half is 11 with the rebel group and the Silence, arguing with River, trying to reset time

[starwarshyperdrive]

Predictions after seeing the D23 footage and reading too many stupid fan theories..again.

So now that the ‘special look’ has been out for a while and there are some alleged plot leaks on reddit, I think it’s time for to go over my predictions. Mostly to be able to say ‘I knew it’ and ‘I told you’ later on, because there is no chance in hell that Rey is just one many clones from Lukes hand or the emperor or any of the other wild theories that spread across the internet. And without pointing fingers or mentioning names, if you can’t even get minor (hint) details right and have a horrible track record, how do people still listen to you? Because you have a lot of subscribers on Youtube? Welcome to the Internet..

This might contain spoilers so be warned:

- Finn is not Landos son and Jannah is not his sister, because there are more than 3 black people in the galaxy you know. Star Wars might be about family, but not everyone is related. Palpatine was a bit ginger, that doesn’t make him Hux’ grandfather either.. Will we learn about Finns family. What for? What is there to gain story-wise. That’s something everyone coming upon with wild theories needs to ask themselves. 

- is Jannah (Naomi Ackie) Landos daugher? See above. Looking at the little evidence we have so far she has always been seen on a grassy planet, whereas Lando is known to have filmed Millennium Falcon and Pasaana scenes at a sound stage.  There are theories that the planets won’t be one biosphere, breaking with Star Wars tradition, so it’s still possible however unlikely that they are related. 

Just look at the pilots gloves and helmet. This isn’t the Millennium Falcon 

-  C-3POs red eyes. There are conflicting rumors about the cause, one being spiritual and the other being.. technical. I think it’s more likely that his eyes change color due to operational rather than ‘esoteric’ reasons. Also in relation to him being shown holding a bowcaster and Anthony Daniels telling Vanity Fair that ‘C-3PO does something in this movie that surprises everybody’.

- Red laser destroying snow planet. I assume that’s Kijimi where Zorri Bliss is located and where according to some plot leaks some altercation takes place. Looks like the First Order doesn’t fuck around.

- Rey training in the forest throwing her lightsaber is most likely connected to Leia standing in the same environment dropping some Jedi knowledge she got from Luke. I’m wondering what the red ribbon is about. I’m gonna get crazy and say it might be a blindfold. There is also a Jedi training droid present, so why wouldn’t she training ‘blind’ with it just like Luke did.  I’m gonna go out on a limb and propose something with a 5% likelihood of being true, but.. as is looks a bit as the red ribbon is also wrapped around the double bladed light saber ‘dark Rey’ is holding later on, so what if.. it’s something related to her parents and her ‘holding onto it’ is a dark side trait she needs to conquer. Star Wars is filled with symbolism and philosophical motifs like that. ‘Let go’ of your need to belong. Don’t dwell in the past. Even Maz told her ‘The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead.’. Could be that or just a regular rag. Probably the latter, but it’s sure fun to theorize. #theorizeresponsibly

- Rey and Kylo fighting on what looks like the Death Star remains. I think a lot of people now tend to believe that JJ Abrams is bypassing The Last Jedi and continue his initial story, not ignoring the movie but positioning it as a detour for the characters to find themselves. And for once I agree what seems to be the consensus amongst Star Wars theorists. I think what we see here is not unlike the force flashes Rey had when she first touched the lightsaber. I can imagine them changing environment with every stroke of their lightsabers. That allows for a ‘best of Star Wars’ highlight reel, so desperately needed to reunite fans after the The Last Jedi backlash, that would combine all the previous movies. And that’s what they promised. 

- voiceover ‘your journey nears its end’. Is it just me or does it not sound like the emperor. I mean it sounds like Ian McDiarmid alright, but I’m missing the uber-evil timbre of his voice. Who is he talking to and will the emperor appear in this movie? First of all.. when we talk about tying together all the movies, we must not ignore the so called ‘tone poems’ used for The Phantom Menace. Based on that I’d say he isn't necessarily talking to anyone. Or even more recently, in The Force Awakens trailer they used Lukes ‘the force is strong in my family..’. So I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s just a distraction or to set the mood. My guess is that the emperors ‘spirit’ looms above everything and had the power to influence other people, just like depicted on the poster. There had been speculation about Snoke being some sort of Wizard of Oz early on. What if the wizard behind the wizard is actually worse. Wouldn’t that be wizard?

- Dark Rey. I will say one thing, I was happy to see that most fans immediately were like ‘dark side vision!’. If you read my earlier posts you will know how much I LOVE new lightsaber designs in every movie. Not. Especially when they are pointless. When I said I want a saber staff this is not what I mean. The only thing that makes me a bit skeptical is that Daisy Ridley said she was surprised that they’d show that scene in trailer. If it’s just a vision like the one Luke had, what’s the big deal? Then again, they also claimed that everyone will absolutely love the movie and especially the end. Enter wild fan theories from ‘she saw multiple reflections of herself in the cave. Clone Rey confirmed!!!11!!’ to ‘She must be Palpatines granddaughter’. I said it before and I’ll happily say it again. That would be SHIT STORYTELLING. After all the impatient smart-asses calling Rey a ‘Mary Sue’ not knowing anything about her origins, how would the public react to good old Palpatine having a granddaughter? That’s Robot Chicken level stupid. Now.. considering that an early draft of Revenge of the Sith had Palpatine telling Anakin that he ‘is his father’ for manipulating the midichlorians to create life, from a certain point of view that would make him Reys father IF he tried again. And it would fit much better into the established story structure of Star Wars. Every story that requires knowledge of the extended universe outside of movies or lengthy exposition will lead to casual fans and ordinary moviegoers to be like WTF?! It might be the last movie for a while but they still want people to go and not be appalled from early reviews about the movie being a convoluted clusterfuck. I also think the ‘clone’ idea is a cop out. Whenever you’re stuck because you can’t explain the origin of a character or don’t know how to deal with the death of a character - BAMM! Clone! Problem solved. That's just lazy. So to sum it up. Dark Rey? Vision of what she was supposed to be or should be because it backfired? ‘Darkness rises, and light to meet it. I warned my young apprentice that as he grew stronger, his equal in the light would rise.’ (Snoke)

- Sith Fleet / Sith Troopers ..those following the new canon even just a bit are already aware of the importance of the ‘Unknown Regions’. Its hard to miss references to it these days, from Galaxys Edge to Rebels. So how are they gonna explain this in the movie? From a storytelling point it makes sense. The empire was defeated and its remnants were hiding and regrouping. Hang on. This sounds like a job for OPENING CRAWL. OK, so there is a massive fleet. Maybe unrelated to the First Order, but looking pretty similar. Based on the state of the Resistance after the Last Jedi one might assume it’s not really needed. Does that mean we’re dealing with an internal struggle of sorts.There are persisting rumors of a high ranking First Order member leaking details to the Resistance, which doesn’t come as a surprise given Kylo Rens personality. Reminds be a bit of Operation Valkyrie. 

I’m delving deep into leaks and rumors but as things are now I have no idea how this pans out and what the relationship between Sith Trooper and First Order will be. Apparently you need a certain navigational device to be able to make it to the Unknown Regions, so my guess is Kylo is looking for more knowledge/power there just like Palpatine did, the rest is pure speculation so I will leave it for another time when more details surface. Same goes for stuff that’s not directly related to the ‘D23 Special View’ such as ‘who is Zorri Bliss?’.

[burlybanner]

Syzygy - An AU of Infundo (post-Infundo Chronicles).

Chapter 9: Who do you say that I am?

Summary:  Bruce has the upper hand, right?

Link to Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

Author note: I am not a chemist and I don’t pretend to be. So feel free to shout at me if my technobabble is more babble than techno. Also, more DID stuff.

***

Funny enough, even though the video began playing there was still a good thirty second pause. Bruce watched "himself" rock back and forth in his chair, smile slyly to himself, and then root around in his drawers for something.

Bruce's lip curled in a small, self-righteous smirk. "Interesting."

"What is?"

"I'll tell you later, Steve. Keep watching; I want your honest perspective. If anything seems weird or off--" he made a face. "Well. More so than usual. Note it. I don't want you to tell me yet, but keep it in your head. I might need it later."

He could feel Steve fidgeting behind him but explaining would take too much time.

Your timing was off, Bruce sneered in his head. You expected me to pause it longer than thirty seconds. You missed.

He definitely heard a huff in his brain. I'm not omnipotent.

Bruce nodded to himself. Good. Professor didn't hold all the cards, then.

"Hey, I was saving that," Bruce muttered when Professor produced a tin from Bruce's desk. It was filled with tasty lemon bars that he'd planned on eating for a snack, after dinner, but Professor had wiggled his sausagey fingers and had begun chowing down on the tasty treats.

"Mm," Professor finally said. He grabbed a napkin and dabbed his lips before swallowing. "These are quite delicious, Banner. Absolutely heavenly. Sweet and sour treats are my favorite, by the way. Please eat more of them, whenever you're able." He ate three or four lemon bars before finding some hand sanitizer and wiping down his fingers.

"I imagine you're quite available for our conversation now. It's technically one-way. But I can tell you everything you need to know. In fact, I'll explain it quite easily to you, and the good Captain."

"There's that weird grin," Steve said. A growl had crept into his voice. "He knows I'm here, but I still see him for the bully he is. Sorry, Bruce. But your Person is an ass."

"Agreed," Bruce thought, chuckling. Professor huffed again deep inside but fortunately kept quiet in Bruce's mind.

Which could've been a strategic move but Bruce wouldn't analyze that yet. Too distracting and he hadn't finished the rest of the video.

Professor rose to his feet and slowly paced. The camera panned his movements as he commanded the lab area. Like a professor.

"One," he stated. "You know I am real. I typically stay out of things unless I'm warranted, but yes. You are correct. I've influenced some of your behavior in the past, and present. Possibly your future."

"Ass," Steve reiterated.

Bruce shushed him, since Professor seemed done pausing.

Professor held up his fingers like a peace sign. "Two. Hulk and I can work in tandem, but I usually let him do whatever he wants. I'm not a babysitter. I can influence him quite easily, though. He's such a child."

Bruce's expression hardened. Then how many people have you killed, how many families destroyed in my name, Professor? He thought darkly. If you're the Hulk's gatekeeper, was the killing and destruction in the name of science?

Professor appeared to grin and stare hard at the camera, almost winking at it, and Bruce's lips thinned. The answer was clear as day. Yes. Professor had done things. And he as the "Core" personality paid the price for the others. "Robbing Peter to pay Paul," Bruce muttered. He felt Steve's hug but he wasn't sure if Steve got what Professor had done. Tony probably had. Which meant they had a lot to discuss when he returned.

"Three," Professor said, his back to the camera. He held up three chubby fingers and pulled up another video screen on Bruce's desk. "I tampered with the gainer formula so it would be most effective. Jarvis? Zoom in if you would. Let Banner take a good, hard look at it."

Bruce hated being manipulated and playing into Professor's hands, but of course he was curious. "2-DG," He said, scanning the list. "Desipramine. Amitriptyline, escitalopram oxalate." Yes. He knew those drugs were in it, they weren't anything new.

Except...what was that hastily drawn scrawl--

He hissed sharply between his teeth. "Zolpidem...and thioridazine? Both of them...? You son of a bitch--"

Professor tutted and wagged his finger at the camera, as if he knew exactly what Bruce had said. "Swearing is such a nasty habit. Please refrain from doing so."

"Pause it, Jarvis."

Steve was the one who spoke this time, and Bruce checked over his shoulder. Steve's expression was hooded and stoic. But the love in his eyes was genuine. "You're on sedatives for your anxiety, aren't you?"

Bruce let out a slow breath. "Tranxene," he murmured. He took off his glasses and polished the lenses with his lab coat sleeve. "Pretty high doses of it, actually. Higher than the average person can afford to take." He pursed his lips and put back on his glasses. "And that's part of the problem."

"All those chemicals you read out," Steve said. He began rubbing Bruce's shoulder. "Do some of them interact with the tranxene?"

"Yup," Bruce said, sighing heavily. "In the wrong amounts they'd kill the average person. The gainer shake would kill Tony if he had anything more than four ounces. Although you'd be okay," He said, patting Steve's arm. "Probably mentally checked out, but you'd be okay. But with the addition of zolpidem...well." Bruce grunted and sat down. "Zolpidem has reported side effects of sleepwalking. And in some cases, sleep eating."

Steve snorted, laughing a little in between. "Which explains why you got the night munchies."

"Yes. However." Bruce turned, looking at Steve full in the face. "The thioridazine is a bigger issue. It's a phenothiazine, normally used for people suffering from schizophrenic episodes, and it can...really fuck up people like me." He absently scrubbed his face. He had a lot of questions. So. Many. Questions. But he'd have to find the time to ask, away from Steve.  "My balance between Hulk and now the Professor -” Bruce nodded to the screen. “That’s his preferred name, by the way--my...our balance depends on my own awareness levels. Hulk received the suggestion of the gainer shake from the Professor, but this was after Professor tampered with the ingredients. In short,  Professor created the shake so our walls would be tenuous, at best. It wasn't to allow the Hulk to binge eat, Steve. I think--"

His lips twisted, and the weird silence in his head confirmed it as he sighed. "Professor wants more control. He wants to Drive, in a sense. And he's using Hulk as leverage, and my desires for immobility, to do so. If I keep using the shake I'll gain. Definitely. But it also gives Professor that open window to play whenever he wants, by taking over my mind and body while I'm in a drugged, hypnotic state." Bruce stared coldly at the screen. "And I do not trust him."

Steve rolled a hand through his hair. "So it's potentially bad news. Do you have a reason to distrust him, though? Outside of acting like a jerk, has he really done anything...horrible?"

"I don't know," Bruce murmured. "I suspect he might be responsible for some of Hulk's earlier battle rampages. Or even some of the recent ones. But proving it will be...uncomfortably difficult."

"Why?"

Bruce sighed. "Because it means talking to them both. At the same time. And I don't think I'm able to do that without losing what little sanity I have left."

Steve grunted but chewed his bottom lip. "But would he have anything to gain - pun notwithstanding - now? He's folded. Given up his hand. You didn't know he was around until now, and he could've continued playing you."

"Tony figured it out, Steve.” He nodded to the monitor. “That's the only reason he showed up."

"Maybe." Steve tapped his chin. "I think you're right, though, Bruce. There's something else to this. But I don't think we're on the right track. I think it's something else."

"Really?"

Steve shrugged. "Either that, or he's just an ass who gets his kicks from people coming up with conspiracy theories. Could go either way."

"Thanks," Bruce deadpanned. He made a face and finger combed his curls. "We can't keep him on pause forever, Steve. He's gotten quiet in my head but I think he's waiting for me to make the next move." His eyes wandered over the screen and keyboard. All of it was, for lack of a better term, a clusterfuck and he wasn't sure how to fix it. And he wanted Tony back.

"We can wait a little while, if you're not up to it."

Bruce rubbed his chubby chin. "Nah. Better to rip off the band-aid, so we can deal with it. Jarvis," he sighed, "go ahead and play the rest."

There was another uncannily long pause, and Bruce smirked. He needed to use that information, that Professor made mistakes. He'd need that knowledge.

"Got it all out of your system? Good. Yes, you're right; the walls between us are thinner than ever. Unlike," Professor chuckled, "our body. Which is glorious, by the way. Can't wait to see what else you do with it."

"Can't tell if he's being sarcastic, or not," Steve grumbled.

"Shh," Bruce admonished. "Let him finish."

"Anyway, Banner, that's all I wanted to show you. I had to introduce myself properly, after all." His gaze sharpened, and the same cold chill ran down Bruce's back. "However, I do miss my science partner. Be careful with him, won't you? Try to bring him back in one piece. And tell him," he said, that same self-satisfied smirk spreading across his lips.  

"Tell him I said 'hi.'."

"That was the conclusion of the transmission," Jarvis intoned. "Do you need to review it for future use?"

"Yes," Bruce and Steve said together. Bruce smiled and rubbed Steve's hand. "Also, Jarvis, I'm asking for your help. If any of my...Selves decide to make a recording, wait until I'm 'me.' " He realized how weird that sounded, and sighed deeply. "Shit - I guess I should ask. Jarvis, can you tell the difference between us?"

Jarvis paused a millisecond before answering. "I've analyzed your mannerisms and compared them to the Professor as well as Hulk. I feel I'll have no issues telling the three of you apart, regardless of who is in control."

"Good." Bruce gave Steve a small look over his shoulder, unsure what the man was thinking. It was a lot to take in, he knew. And to be fair, he didn't expect Steve to respond to any of it well. It warmed him that Steve was doing this well. "Do me a favor, Jarvis. Always view me, Hulk, and Professor as three separate individuals. If another Person wants to access the system, they will need my permission first or, in a pinch, Tony or Steve if I’m ‘unavailable.’ But no one else. Is that clear?"

"Affirmative," Jarvis said. "On that note, would you like to view the notes and information I've gathered over time, notes the Professor might have added to my server files?"

"Wow.” Professor was a sneaky bastard. Of course he’d used Jarvis before, and Jarvis probably hadn’t known any better. He shared a look with Steve who looked equally uncomfortable. Maybe he’d talk to Tony about it later, whenever he got back. 

Bruce chewed his lip. "Yes, please, Jarvis. I'll need to look over those documents. I'll need to know if he's been tampering with any of my experiments."

Which would be horrific. What had the Professor done? How much damage--?

"Muffin," Steve sighed. Apparently he’d had enough, and Bruce didn’t blame him. He pulled Bruce close to his chest and rubbed circles across his back. "Professor’s made a mess of things, huh?"

Bruce chuckled darkly. "Understatement."

"Thought so. You should take a break, or a bath and get some food in ya." He grabbed Bruce’s shoulders and softly twirled him, so he could pat Bruce’s stomach. To Bruce's surprise his stomach growled. Loudly. "See? You're hungry. Get some snacks from the kitchen and de-stress. We'll worry about this Professor guy when you're more up to it."

"Maybe." Bruce wrung his hands, feeling out of sorts. The day started crappy and went downhill from the time he woke up. The Professor pressed all his triggers while singling out his frustrations and weaknesses. "I can't relax too much, though. The thought of what might happen..." He ran a hand down his face. "I dunno, Steve. I--"

"You'll be fine, Bruce, you've been okay to this point, right?" Bruce half-shrugged. "Then no worries, all right? We'll take care of the rest when it happens. Like you said, he tipped his hand and made himself a target."

Bruce rolled his eyes. "Not the best analogy, but--"

Steve put a finger to Bruce’s lips, stifling his rant. "Eat something, Muffin. Then do something to relax. Maybe turn on Netflix, or something. I'll be up to check on ya in a bit."

A small frown marred Bruce's features. "What are you doing?"

"I need to blow off some steam," he said, shrugging. "It was a weird experience for me, too, and I've gotta wrap my head around it."

"Hmm." Well, he couldn't argue with Steve because he agreed, but still. "Don't take too long. I think I need a lot of TLC tonight."

Steve laughed. "You got it. Tonight’s your night."

"Okay. I'm holding you to that," Bruce said, as he made his way to the exit. "You take too long, and I'll come find you. And you said it yourself, you don't want me burning any extra calories."

Steve chuckled. "Forty-five minutes, tops." 

He watched Bruce leave. But Bruce missed the subtle frown tugging at the corners of Steve's lips.