#just one or two songs ... and a lil one day reality show

[jisungshotfirst]

[aquasoftware]

Sex tapes. ୨❤︎‬୧

wc : 654/fic type: Drabble || cw : fwb! Gojo x f!reader, s*x tapes duh, masturbating, pwp, he’s a lil needy n attached, whimpering, no shame, profanity, jealous! Suguru, cocky gojo, baby used once, a sprinkle of fruitiness at the end & Mdni. Lmk if I missed sum + RB 2 support!

Fwb! Satoru, who hasn't even touched porn ever since hooking up with you, nothing else hit the same. Besides there was no need anymore, especially since he had a little album in his gallery displaying all the sex tapes you had together.

So whenever Satoru couldn't sleep at night, he'd grab a lotion bottle standing idle on his wooden nightstand, untying his batman-pajama pants, letting his rapidly throbbing boner free as he instantly placed it in his smooth, soft hand, slowly pumping his cock while a heavy sigh laced with such deep yearn for you streamed from out of his rosey pink lips.

The other hand nearly had a mind of its own, eagerly searching for his favorite sex tape in the collection, one he seemed to watch repeatedly so much that if it were a song on Spotify, it'd reach his number one on wrapped by the end of the year.

No shame; even while his best friend Suguru was visiting his small apartment for a few days, Satoru's phone had been turned at max volume, bright blue eyes cemented to the screen, watching how your plump pussy lips split open as your walls desperately sucked him in.

He gulped as he stroked his aching girth faster, letting his thumb swipe across a few sensitive veins, taking an extensive inhale at the touch, wishing it was yours, biting his lip at your faint scent still lingering around his room.

"Fuck, Y/n, I wish it was you touchin me, baby.." Satoru panted out heftily as if he just did the most excruciating exercise; even at max volume, it got tough to hear the tape since the lewd wet sounds from the lube on his dick grew louder.

The breezy summer air from the opened windows attacked his lean build, but he didn't care; his crave to nut thinking about you was deeper. Your dramatic moans and whimpers off of the lengthy video aroused him even more, causing him to stroke faster with a horrifying grip.

"Aah, shit, I need you so bad." He whined, biting his lip, while the tape showed him relentlessly pounding into your fertile hole. It almost made him call you, except he wasn't willing to awaken you.

A deep, warm pool in his stomach almost became damn near uncomfortable as Satoru's sore hips began to buck intensely into his quivering hand, stroking at a diabolical speed, his voice harshly trembling, feeling like he was so close.

His head fell back, letting stacks of ear-piercing aroused curses slide out of his lips, sensing everything going numb as if his brain turned on autopilot.

"Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck," Satoru's blue eyes became as heavy as a brick, while his girthy cock throbbed immensely as if he had two heartbeats in his body "I'm coming, baby." He whispered, recognizing that feeling of his massive balls tightening.

Suddenly, deafening choked sobs sprawled out throughout the room, echoing as insanely thick ribbons displaying generations of seed oozed out of his tip and onto the screen.

Stopping at a perfect moment too, where it paused at your mouth being stretched wide open, he moaned one last time, slightly patting his tip on the iPhone, nearly forgetting the walls are thin, especially because an irritated Suguru couldn't sleep due to a special someone masturbating all night.

"Satoru! If you don't mind, I'm trying to sleep." Poor Suguru aggressively rolled his eyes at all the commotion, giving a deep yawn from the lack of rest.

"If you wanna be next orrrr... Join next time, me and Y/n fuck, just say that." The white-haired man's smile was as smug as a Cheshire cat, spurting his little frisky jokes to his best friend as usual, to which Suguru didn't even respond, or at least Satoru couldn't see that his reply was a flushed-out face, hoping his jokes would become a reality.

8/15/24 5:47 pm masterlist.

[joshfutturman]

mini oneshot (request) - mike schmidt pretends to hate the reality tv shows you (his partner) watch, but one day he catches you watching - and can't help but get himself hooked on the drama (800 words) pairing - mike schmidt (five night's at freddy's) + gn reader tags: just a short lil thing, established relationship, reader lives with mike, you're watching 'love is blind', abby is sleeping!

.・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・.

✰ he'd recognise that god damn intro song from anywhere. it bleeds through from the television in his living room into the kitchen where he was attempting to reheat leftovers in the microwave. even the humming from the old, dated machine couldn't block it out.

✰ mike had no idea what the name of the reality show was, just that it was your favourite to watch after a long day. it was cute, how absorbed you'd get into the drama. but mike wasn't into all that shit - he had enough drama in his own life never mind watching other people's misery.

.・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・.

notes: thanks for the request anon! this was so silly, cute n fun to write! i had to write it immediately uwu

.・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・.

✰ he'd recognise that god damn intro song from anywhere. it bleeds through from the television in his living room into the kitchen where he was attempting to reheat leftovers in the microwave. even the humming from the old, dated machine couldn't block it out.

✰ mike had no idea what the name of the reality show was, just that it was your favourite to watch after a long day. it was cute, how absorbed you'd get into the drama. but mike wasn't into all that shit - he had enough drama in his own life never mind watching other people's misery.

✰ you were cosy on the sofa, wrapped up in your favourite blankets - they were mike's, but you'd pretty much stolen them at this point. your eyes were fixated on the screen. it didn't bother you that mike wasn't interested in 'love is blind', (you'd told him the name at least eight times, but he'd scoff at even the mention of it), you were too engrossed to care.

✰ the show began, introducing each of the excited yet nervous bachelors and bachelorettes. his ears pricked up at the talking, and mike supposed he had time to kill while his food was becoming edible.

✰ poking his head around the corner, his eyes land on the tv over your shoulder. you don't notice. "some of these people are so fuckin' shallow. . ." mike mumbles, half paying attention. you're surprised to hear him, turning your head towards his voice. he's leaning against the wall, eyes on the tv - but they're suddenly on you.

✰ like he's been caught in the act, he huffs and retreats back into the kitchen. it's subtle, but you catch a blush on his cheeks. he's embarrassed. but it wasn't like he was actually watching it. he was just waiting for his food. that was all. the show was dumb. remember?

✰ a few minutes later he's at the kitchen table, leftovers in his bowl, positioning his chair so he can just see the tv from where he's sitting. from the corner of your eye, you notice him - but choose not to point it out, this was a breakthrough. maybe you should get it on camera.

✰ a few of the couples on screen begin to meet - well, blindly, a wall separating the two of them as they begin to chat. love is blind, after all. you're once again gripped by the romance, the excitement, the secret of it all.

✰ mike's food is growing cold, he hasn't touched it since he sat down. "that guy is flirting with her hard but he was also doing that with the last girl," he suddenly pipes up in a disapproving tone, scrunching his nose, "what's his issue?"

✰ your eyes light up and you try not to make it too obvious how excited you are by mike's words. he's watching love is blind with you. like really watching. "they have to find a date, mike." you say, nonchalantly with a shrug of your shoulders, "they sort of have to flirt with everyone until they find the perfect person and then they meet once they've both decided they like one another."

✰ he scoffs, clearly finding this premise stupid. this causes him to withdraw back to his now cold food. but it's fine. you know he's hooked now.

✰ ten minutes pass without another word, and mike is silently behind you now, standing behind the sofa with his arms firmly crossed like a grumpy old man, ready to shake his fist at the news. you'd noticed as soon as he stood up from the dining room but hadn't dared to turn around to catch eyes with mike - knowing full well that he'd act like a deer caught in the headlights and scatter away.

✰ "this guy. . ." he tuts, speaking for the first time in forever. "dave." you correct him. "dave," he repeats, "this. . . dave, he's a complete asshole to natalie." a large grin grows on your lips. once he knows their names it's all over. "i mean," he continues, "he's giving it all to - what's her face, rebecca? and then with natalie he's being a total douchebag." sighing, mike shakes his head, brows furrowed. the look of someone totally in too deep with love is blind.

✰ and yet, he walks back into the kitchen a few moments later, carrying his bowl through and you deflate a little. maybe he wasn't hooked. your disappointed expression aims back at the television. watching in silence.

✰ . . .

✰ "did dave do anything stupid while i was gone?" mike asked, hurrying over with a bowl of popcorn. he practically spills half of it trying to sit down next to you in a hurry, ushering your legs into his lap - his eyes didn't leave the screen. you can't help but smile, really smile, a goofy smile directly at him.

✰ a glance in your direction. "don't." he says firmly, "and if you tell anyone i watched this with you, you're dead." you hold a hand up, "i won't tell a single soul." "good, because i need to see dave get his ass dumped." mike says with smirk, shoving a fistful of popcorn into his mouth.

[winwintea]

dreamies as your disney world boyfriend

pairing ▸ boyfriend!dreamies x reader author's note ▸ i am working on the SERIES I PROMISE GUYS... it's just quite long... oops. i needed to channel my inner disney for inspiration for this sorry. the prompt seemed to make more sense in my head so i guess it's just, 'dreamies at disney' now lol. ALSO SOME DISNEY TERMINOLOGY in there i apologize. should make sense but if it's confusing ask me lmfaooo

mark lee

photographer boyfriend obviously 

doesn’t even complain about how many photos you want to take

is actually dying inside but hides it away with dad jokes to cope with the pain

“it’s not even noon yet and dis-knees are killing me bro” 

will only complain about the heat 

“It’s like we’re on the surface on the sun dude… like satan’s armpit. that’s crazzzzyy.”

you couldn’t help but laugh

but then he just KEPT GOING

“it’s like we’re in the inside of a mouth… there are things sticking to things that-” 

and you cut him off right there.

can’t help the fact that bro is a D1 yapper.

will not wear mickey ears though no matter how much you beg him to :(  

favorite ride: slinky dog dash

least favorite ride: dumbo

huang renjun

the boyfriend that actually disney bounds with you

so y’all are disney bounding as nick wilde and judy hopps from zootopia (renjun’s idea)

chenle took him to shanghai disney once, so he’s a big fan of duffy and friends

oh how disappointed he was when he realized that the mascots don’t exist in WDW

“preferred parking? i would prefer parking to be free, thank you very much.” 

mood is very sour upon entering

“i know you’re cold but i did tell you to bring a jacket.” rude.

however once you two start collecting your first character signature he’s locked in

somehow more excited to meet the characters than the kids are? (ur 24. reality check!)

he gets more into it as the day goes on

YOU BET HE’S WEARING THE MICKEY EARS. 

although he already had fox ears on to begin with anyways

favorite ride: mickey & minnie’s runaway railway

least favorite ride: seven dwarfs mine train (it was too short)

lee jeno

foodie boyfriend 

wants a turkey leg like really badly 

“that guy has a turkey leg… sir- um sir- where did you get that turkey leg”

you have to bribe this man with food.

which honestly is okay by you because you just wanna take photos of the food.

"yknow with this ride being 50 years old, you'd think they could've made the boats a little bigger. have to man spread now" 

whatever you’re thinking of, that’s literally not what he meant. 

he’s an innocent lil guy. (seriously, it just came out wrong.)

holds ur hand on all rides. 

let’s you grab onto his muscles arms while you are nervous on the thrill rides

no mickey ears though. (it’s the bow that always throws them off)

favorite ride: rise of the resistance 

least favorite ride: teacups

lee haechan

out of pocket boyfriend who will not stfu

“bambi’s the only movie i really couldn’t watch… i could not be as strong as bambi” 

after you give him the, “wtf” look he just continues. on.

“cause if my mom died well… there goes my friend group.”

will randomly start singing disney songs in the middle of waiting for a ride. 

in those show/ride/attractions he’s the only one clapping and screaming. 

especially true for the beauty and the beast sing-a-long attraction, cause yknow he’s gonna scream his lungs out.

yeah he’ll wear mickey ears, but you bought him a goofy hat instead. It was more fitting.

“can’t believe disney made a character after me… should i sue?”

also complains a lot. way too much.

“EPCOT? more like every person comes out tired.”

favorite ride: pirates of the caribbean (he kept making a booty joke over and over again)

least favorite ride: toy story midway mania (bc he lost)

na jaemin

hardcore boyfriend photographer (pt 2) + ‘mom’ boyfriend

man knows all your best angles and where to take photos

“picture, picture over here… yes yes right… in front of the castle angel. oh that’s so pretty… in… in… down… up… okay! smile!”

you two spend like half the day taking photos, jaemin needs to show off his gf ofc.

cares for you the whole entire day, makes sure you drink enough water

aggressively refills your waterbottles every second he gets. 

“when it doubt, chug it out! (cue jaemin chugging his own bottle)

he unfortunately will not wear mickey ears. (jaemin i believed in you.)

he’s not the one being taken photos of, so no mickey ears for him.

“princess i don’t wanna hear it. the humidity is good for you. this is like nature’s pore declogging.”

favorite ride: frozen ever after

least favorite ride: none (bc he did everything with u <3)

zhong chenle

in between buying you everything and calling everything too expensive boyfriend

HOW THE FUCK DID HE GET A MEMBERSHIP WITH CLUB 33.

this man pulls you into that sus green building on main street, and your jaw drops.

club 33, is an exclusive, membership only restaurant at disney. it’s like an elite society filled with rich upper class, but at disney. (never been inside not sure how to describe it but oh boy is membership expensive.) the waitlist got so long in 2007, they closed it for 5 years. look it up on wikipedia disney lore goes hard

“i just asked a couple of friends, and they recommended me this place.” boy.

you’re panicking because you’re severely underdressed. (you’re in a jessie costume.)

he reassures you, since you’re at disney, and being dressed like this is normal.

once u have one of the most expensive meals of ur life, chenle drags u to every single thrill ride.

he also buys you a balloon and a bubble wand <3

but for some reason when you arrive at the gift shop he realizes he’s spent a lot.

“okay enough gift shop. look away from the gift shop. this vacation already has us in poverty.”

AND BRO ACTS LIKE THIS THE WHOLE TRIP IM NOT KIDDING.

he’ll buy you a nice meal at one of the restaurants and then…

“we’re not getting churros they’re 5 dollars.”

no mickey ears either why do you even ask

“next time i’ll take u to shanghai, it’s better okay?”

favorite ride: tower of terror

least favorite ride: it’s a small world after all

park jisung

anti-disney everything boyfriend

gets frustrated at everything. cannot read the map.

when he goes on small world…

he severely questions his mental sanity. like actually guys i think he needs help.

“this ride is for kids.” 

the ride in question: the barnstormer! a 40 second kiddie roller coaster that has top speeds of up to 25mph!

literally jisung’s 13 reason. 

he was screaming his little heart out poor baby.

“I’m not wearing those. Stop.” you do not stop. “Take these off of me right now.”

he wears the ears for half of the day though so a win is a win.

“we’re going to the other park? we’re not going home? there’s 3 more??????”

favorite ride: none

least favorite ride: all

[furuyalover]

Hello welcome back! I'd like to request relationship headcannons with kuro,oikawa and sugawara (separately) with a male reader who's more quiet and reserved that some people think is mean looking but in reality is just a softy that loves cute things. For the song I'd like to request super shy by new jeans.

super shy ! | mars & her music event

“wait a minute i make you mine, make you mine”

— ft. kuroo tetsurou & oikawa tooru x male!reader

AN: ahh ty for ur request!! this was rlly fun & something new for me since i dont listen to kpop that often :)) hope u enjoy! also im trying this new-ish format out so lmk if u prefer this or my usual longer, drabble styled format :D

kuroo tetsurou

the dynamic between you & kuroo is one that i feel like is awfully similar to kuroo & tsukishima! a semi-obnoxious goofball and a quiet, mean looking guy, who is secretly a lover boy.

“you're on my mind all the time”

needless to say people were very surprised to find out you were dating kuroo

“kuroo’s dating him? i never would’ve thought of pairing, he doesn’t seem like he likes people, even more so relationship sort of guy you know?”

the comments your peers made were bothersome at first but you and kuroo both ignored them

all that really mattered was how much you guys loved each other, so who cares what they think

but knowing kuroo, that won’t stop him from making a snarky comment to shut them up

“obviously im dating him hello? you’re all just jealous that he actually enjoys my company, and not that of a bunch of losers” kuroo was always convinced everyone was jealous that he got to be with you

regardless, you would also roll your eyes and half heartedly apologize for his comments

definitely a huuuuge physical touch and acts of service typa guy

this would always be perfect, since you weren’t the biggest fan of going out, & even just laying together in bed was good enough to be a date for you two

he absolutely loves cuddling with you, and makes it a point to always be touching you when you’re out in public

whether it be having his arm laying atop your shoulder, or rubbing his thumb against the back of your hand while your fingers are intertwined, he always needs you with him.

“i wanna tell you, but im super shy, super shy”

normally you’re quiet around others and kuroo knows this, but you’re more talkative with him and he loves it.

he takes in every word you say and relishes in it.

and one thing about kuroo, he will remember EVERYTHING you talk about or mention

did you briefly mention a new snack you wanna try? you better believe tomorrow you’ll be greated with that on your kitchen counter

that’s just the kind of guy kuroo is. despite his goofy personality, he’s extremely caring and observant. he’ll always do everything in his power to make you feel loved, even the little things. especially the little things really. he believes that these small things are truly what shows how much he cares, without being outwardly affectionate, because he knows how much they make your day. while he won’t hesitate to scream and shout his love for you, he’s a big fan of the quiet type of love that you’re more receptive to. that’s your type of love, with your tetsurou.

oikawa tooru

“find a lil' spot, just sit and talk. looking pretty, follow me”

you honestly found it surprising when you and oikawa started dating, you didn’t think he would be interested in someone like you considering his fan club. but unfortunately the fan club felt the same way.

you really could care less about his fan club though. making sure to constantly roll your eyes at them, and show them your cold attitude

this ofc made them say things like “how could oikawa like him??? he’s actually so mean”

but this didn’t matter !! because behind closed doors you’re a lover boy & oikawa knows that

oikawa is a major quality time and words of affirmation proprietor when it comes to showing his love to you. he’ll do anything with you, as long as it means you guys are together & he gets to be with you

will always always thank you and show his appreciation after every one of his games you go to

if you’re ever feeling down about yourself or his fan club/admirers are giving you a hard time, he won’t hesitate to tell them off & give you reassurance

“you know you’re amazing right? don’t listen to what anyone says, you’re my whole world, and i see every aspect of my life with you” it’s crazy because he’ll can stuff like this so lovingly and casually, like it doesn’t make you choke up

“i'm super shy, super shy. but wait a minute while i make you mine, make you mine

i have a headcanon that oikawa is actually a big poetry fan, and he will send you poems almost daily that remind him of you

tooru looooves to show you off !! even though you’re somewhat stoic and aren’t publicly lovey-dovey with him, he won’t skip a beat to show you off or mention you any chance he gets

you’re the last person he’ll talk to before a game, demanding good luck hugs & kisses, and the first person he runs to after a game. whether he won or lost, it doesn’t matter because he’s just thankful that you were here with him

though he’s aware of his huge club of admirers and how much of a toll they can take on the both of you, he’ll never give them any attention outside of just being polite. because at the end of the day they don’t matter to him, you do. waking up to you every morning, telling you how glad he is to have you in his life, spending hours on end talking about nothing and everything, this is the life you live being in love with tooru oikawa.

reblogs appreciated and admired ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა

[starvory777]

iwaly (i will always love you)

pairing: idol!jake x idol!reader

warning: ANGST, a lil bit of fluff, mentions of breaking up, flashbacks, the use of “eonni” (pls tell me if there’s more)

wc: 1.2k+

now playing: iwaly by i-land2

tonight's performance was special—your last as an active member of izna. with your contract ending after two years, this marked your final show with your beloved teammates.

unlike the usual upbeat songs, this version was instrumental, mirroring the sadness of your group's disbandment. as the opening chords of "iwaly" began to play, you took a deep breath, ready to give your all in this last performance.

"y/n, you made it!" jake's voice was a mix of disbelief and joy as he threw his arms around you, his laughter ringing out like music. you had just been announced as part of the final lineup for the new group, izna. it was a moment you had dreamed of and worked tirelessly for.

you held him close, your heart swelling with pride and love. "i couldn't have done it without you," you murmured into his shoulder.

jake pulled back, his eyes shining. "you did it yourself, don't give me credit. promise me, no matter what happens, we'll always support each other."

you smiled, sealing the promise with a kiss. "always."

the memory faded as you began to sing, your voice carrying the weight of every emotion you had tried to bury. each word felt like a confession, a testament to the love that had once been the center of your world.

we've come too far now, though it makes me a bit sad.

your schedules had been grueling, the pressure immense. slowly, the cracks began to show. arguments became more frequent, moments of happiness overshadowed by exhaustion and stress. you remembered the night it all came crashing down.

"y/n, i can't keep doing this!" jake's voice trembled with frustration. "we barely see each other, and when we do, all we do is fight."

you ran a hand through your hair, your heart aching. "i know it's hard, but we can make it work. we've come this far together."

tears glistened in jake's eyes. "but at what cost? i don't even recognize us anymore."

your voice broke as you tried to respond. "so what are you saying? you want to end this?"

jake looked away, pain etched into his features. "maybe we need a break, y/n. maybe we need time to figure things out."

i'll keep our memories beautiful, so goodbye, have a nice day.

your voice trembled as you sang, the memory of jake's words cutting through you like a knife. you had agreed to the break, thinking it would be temporary. but days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and the distance between you and jake grew insurmountable.

you sat in your room, phone clutched tightly in hand. it had been two months since you decided to take a break, and every day without him felt like a year. you scrolled through your old photos, your heart aching with each memory.

a notification pinged, and you opened it, hoping it was a message from jake. but it was just another reminder of the world moving on without you. you tossed your phone aside, tears streaming down your face.

mai, the only one you could call "eonni," entered the room quietly. "y/n, are you okay?"

you shook your head, unable to find the words. mai sat beside you, pulling you into a comforting embrace. "it's going to be okay. you need to take care of yourself, too.”

and i, i will always love you.

the chorus hit, and you poured everything you had into it, your heart aching with every note. your expression mimicked the love you had lost, for the memories that haunted you. the audience cheered, but all you could hear was the echo of his goodbye.

you had once believed that your love could withstand any storm, but reality had proven otherwise. the pressures of your careers, the constant scrutiny, and the relentless pace had chipped away at your bond.

i guess we've gone too far now, i can't erase you.

your voice quivered as you sang, each note a reflection of the pain you carried. you had tried to move on, to focus on your career, but the void jake left was too vast to fill. every success felt hollow without him to share it with.

the words echoed in your mind, a painful reminder of the decision you made. you had thought it was for the best, that giving each other space would help you grow. but instead, it had only deepened the chasm between you.

it was a bright sunny day, a stark contrast to the storm raging in your heart. you were sitting at a café, trying to lose yourself in a book, when you saw jake walk by with another girl. they were laughing, and for a moment, it felt like a knife twisting in your heart.

you wanted to be happy for him, to tell yourself that he deserved to find happiness, even if it wasn't with you. but the sight of him with someone else was a bitter pill to swallow. you put down your book, unable to focus, and left the café with a heavy heart.

and i will always love you.

as the final chorus rang out, your voice broke, tears streaming down your face. the applause of the crowd was a distant roar in your ears. you bowed deeply, then fled the stage, your emotions threatening to overwhelm you.

backstage, you collapsed into a chair, your body shaking with sobs. you didn't hear the door open, didn't notice the footsteps approaching until a familiar voice broke through your haze of grief.

"y/n, are you okay?" mai worriedly asked, putting a comforting hand on your shoulder.

"eonni, why does this hurt so bad? he's moved on and i'm still here." you sobbed into her comforting arms.

"oh honey..." mai brushed your tear-soaked bangs away from your face, revealing your swollen eyes and red nose. "you and jake were becoming toxic. you guys never had time for each other and always fought. at least now you can remember him with a nice memory, hm?"

"b-but..." you couldn't even finish your sentence as you broke down into her comforting hold.

it was your first anniversary. jake had planned a surprise getaway, whisking you away to a secluded cabin in the mountains. you spent the weekend disconnected from the world, just enjoying each other's company.

"happy anniversary," jake whispered, handing you a small, wrapped gift.

you opened it to find a delicate necklace with a heart-shaped pendant. "it's beautiful, jake. thank you."

jake smiled, taking your hand. "i wanted to give you something to remind you of us, no matter where we are or what we're doing."

you felt tears of happiness prick your eyes. "i'll always wear it. just like i'll always love you."

let's say goodbye, but i'll always love you.

you whispered the words to yourself, a silent promise to the love you had shared and the hope that one day, you might find your way back to each other.

[works-of-fanfiction]

Empty Spaces || Lando Norris x ex!Reader

Summary: Lando and Y/N broke up a few months ago but can’t seem to stay away from each other. 

Song: affection - BETWEEN FRIENDS 

Warnings: Implied smut and mentions of sex. Swearing and a lil’ bit of angst. 

Word Count: 3.2k

a/n: I told y’all I’m in my Lando era! please listen to the above song if you have a minute; it really describes how I imagined the characters to feel during this oneshot. enjoy! 

"I love you." 

“No, you don’t.”  

Those three fateful words rolled off of Lando's tongue too easily. The flick of the L, the rounding of the O, teeth meeting at the V, it was like muscle memory for him. It was easy to say he loved her when she was lying naked in his bed, her chest rising and falling slowly, hair splayed across the pillow. It was like Groundhog Day for them. They’d fuck, followed by an awkward silence, followed by Y/N rushing to the bathroom then returning with her eyes glued to the floor. She’d lie on the very edge of the bed as far away from him as possible and try to catch her breath whilst she thought about every reason why she shouldn’t have let it happen again. 

The thing about sleeping with an ex is that it’s just too easy. It’s not simple, but so. damn. easy. You eliminate the trouble of meeting someone new and pretending to care about their family dog, or their little niece who just took her first steps. Instead, you’re able to climb on top of, or lie beneath probably one of the only people in the world who know exactly what you want and exactly how you want it. And in those few moments when it’s just two bodies messily colliding, the people within those bodies don’t need to think about the terrible decision they’re making. Lando had certainly never regretted a thing with Y/N’s legs wrapped around his waist. 

She liked to call their little liaisons ‘accidents’. In her mind, showing up to his door with a bottle of wine in less than acceptable clothing was nothing more than a mishap. The temporary fun and the need for familiarity completely clouded her judgement, at least until the deed was done. Being beneath Lando delayed the agonising process of getting over him. Regrettable sex was somehow less painful than facing their reality and accepting that they were no longer meant for each other. How were the two supposed to let go of the person they’d once considered to be their soulmate? 

“You’re hogging the bottle again.” Y/N groaned, reaching over to snatch the wine from Lando’s grasp. 

“That just proves I need it more.” 

Drinking had become a great distraction for them. The sex was a distraction from the breakup, and the booze was a distraction from the sex, and they couldn’t have one without the other. 

Y/N laid on the floor whilst Lando sat propped against the wardrobe with one elbow resting on his knee. He plucked at the carpet absentmindedly, the friction reddening the tips of his fingers. His eyes wandered around the room and Y/N watched on, wondering what was going through his head. Was he overthinking everything just as much as she was? 

After four months of back and forth fighting, they’d fallen out of sync. No amount of love or history shared could protect them from the inevitable. They made each other miserable, and as much as they tried to fix and talk through it, it wasn’t enough. It was when Y/N failed to show up for the Spanish Grand Prix that Lando realised it was really over. Every time their schedules aligned, he’d bought her a plane ticket and tracked her flight until the very second she landed. Spain was no different, despite the condition their relationship was in. She’d gotten the email as usual, the PDF attached and a little ‘can’t wait to see you’ message from Lando. It was the first time the message had felt like a lie. He couldn’t possibly be excited to see her, and she knew seeing him would crush her completely. She had to change her phone wallpaper to one of the default landscapes to avoid staring at his face every time she got a text. 

Y/N grimaced as she sipped the wine, pulling the bottle back to read the label. After polishing off the petrol station’s finest Malbec, the best Lando could offer was a bottle of Pinot Grigio he found in the back of the cabinet, which was evidently not her favourite. Despite her distaste, she went back for another swig, swallowing hard so the liquid would barely graze her tongue. 

Silence fell between them, not awkward but filled with uncertainty. Lando’s head was littered with questions, but he found it almost impossible to focus with her sprawled out on his floor, legs bare and his t-shirt hardly covering her. He wanted to climb on top of her, crawl all over her and devour every inch until she was crying and begging him to take her back and love her all over again. Realistically, he knew it wouldn’t work and they’d never go back to how they used to be, but he didn’t know how to let go. A selfish part of him wanted to hold on and keep her around, despite just how much it was hurting them both. Every time he let those words slip out, they left a sour taste in his mouth, and a bruise on Y/N’s heart. She couldn’t stand hearing those words uttered when they had no weight behind them, but she’d much rather take those over no words at all.

The first time she’d showed up to his apartment after hours, it felt like he’d somehow wished her into existence. It had been a particularly hard weekend following tons of media appearances and unwelcome questions. Sometimes it felt like he couldn’t do anything right by the media; even an improved performance in Austria wasn’t enough to get them off his back. Having a thousand people congratulate him felt great, but there were always people whispering in the background - it was a one-off. It was a fluke! McLaren can’t keep giving this kid so many chances. 

Arriving back in the UK ready for Silverstone was bittersweet, as his excitement was clouded by the pressure and prying eyes of fans, reporters, and everyone in between. He didn’t know who he could turn to as his feelings felt so trivial, and it crossed his mind just how easy it once was to talk to Y/N and offload everything that had been weighing him down. It was strange for her not to be there, so when the notification pinged on his phone that there had been movement detected by the Ring camera, he was surprised to see her standing on his doorstep. The image was blurry but it was unmistakably Y/N, as she rocked back and forth on her heels, one hand clutching a bottle, the other tucked into the pocket of her - Lando’s - hoodie. 

“…Hi.” 

“Hi.” 

“I uh, saw the result from Austria.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

“You did great. Really uh… Fuck, I don’t know what I’m doing here.” 

“Neither do I.” 

Unsure what to say, she thrust the bottle into Lando’s chest and he felt forced to take it. “Thank you… I guess.” 

“Yeah.” She hesitated for a second, hands coming up as if she was ready to speak, but instead she turned and started to walk away. 

“Y/N.” 

“Yeah?” She spun quickly, looking back at the doors that once led into her home; looking back at the man she’d once considered to be her home. 

“What are you doing here?” 

He wasn’t sure he wanted the answer. She wasn’t sure she really had one. Something in her told her that she needed to see him, and before she could think it through, she was already halfway down the motorway with the bottle of Rosé she’d been given on her last birthday rolling across the backseats. 

That night, he made the mistake of inviting her inside and popping open the bottle to pour them both a larger than average glass. He made the mistake of confiding in her, telling her everything about the Austrian Grand Prix and how it still welcomed unpleasant press despite his P4 result. He made the mistake of hugging her, sinking into her chest and inhaling the scent that once grounded him and reminded him he was safe. He didn’t mean to kiss her, and she didn’t mean to run her hands through his curls as she kissed him back. She wasn’t supposed to push his shorts down and climb on top of him on the sofa, and he never should have whispered how much he’d missed her as he came inside her.  

After his podium at Silverstone, Y/N had frequented his apartment a lot in the two weeks before he left for Hungary. The first time was to ‘congratulate’ him and he was more than happy to celebrate with her on her knees before him. They couldn’t stay away from each other after that. As long as they had alcohol in their systems, they couldn’t seem to control their urges. It was when the effects wore off that the regret started to seep in. 

They didn’t miss each other outside of the intimacy and affection. There was nothing left to mourn about their tumultuous relationship; the constant fights and distance keeping them apart. Y/N tried to attend as many races as possible, but a race weekend wasn’t exactly ideal for spending time with her boyfriend. He was far too busy on the track, and she was often left to mingle with strangers or keep herself occupied at the hospitality unit. The most quality time she got with him was being there when he passed out in their hotel room, leaving her to order room service and eat it quietly in the corner alone. 

“Lando.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Can you come here?” 

“Okay.” 

Gently taking the bottle from her hand, Lando placed it on the drawers before lying down beside her on the ground. The carpet rubbed harshly against his back as he wriggled to get comfortable. The two laid flat, staring up at the ceiling where a light bulb had recently gone out that Lando had meant to change. Y/N had joked about it creating mood lighting a couple weeks ago, and that one little remark had stopped him from taking the new bulb out of its box. 

Hesitantly, she walked her fingers along the carpet until they met his. The slight touch made heat rush through Lando’s hand and up his arm, and his chest tightened as she linked her little finger with his. She didn’t have it in her to hold his hand properly. She thought if she did, all the hurt and sadness would flood to the surface and she’d be a sobbing mess on the floor. As much as they craved each other’s touch, joining hands felt too intimate compared to having sex. The smaller, softer touches terrified them.  

“I think we should stop this.” Y/N thought out loud. 

“You think we should?”

“I think we need to.” She turned her head, Lando turning his at the same time. He tightened his grip on her finger, dreading the feeling of her letting go. This wasn’t the first time they’d tried to have this conversation, but the very same sick feeling still swirled around in his stomach. If they stopped this, they’d have to promise never to see one another again, and neither were sure they could do that.

“Okay.” 

“Okay? Is that all you’re going to say? Okay?” She propped herself up on her elbows and he followed, mirroring her. 

“What else do you want me to say? I can’t beg you to keep doing this.” 

But that was exactly what she wanted. She hated how disassociated they’d become, and how having sex had moulded into some fucked up routine they couldn’t get out of. She wanted to feel something, for it all to mean something but it didn’t. It really was just sex. Just seriously messed up sex between two exes that couldn’t face the facts and let the breakup be final. All the times he’d accidentally said he missed her or loved her had been exactly that - accidents. 

“I just… I don’t know what this is, what it means.” Her voice got stuck in her throat as if something was telling her to keep her feelings to herself. 

“I thought we agreed it meant nothing.” 

“Did we? Or did we just say that to make ourselves feel better?” 

She sat up, scooting to sit against the bed frame. Bringing her knees to her chest, she hugged herself tightly, begging herself not to get upset in front of Lando. He shuffled over, sitting opposite with his feet almost overlapping hers. “I can’t pretend this doesn’t hurt, because it does.”

“…I know.” He agreed quietly, looking down to fidget with his fingers. She stared at the top of his head, the mound of curls unruly from her touch.

It made her sad just to look at him. The memories would come flooding back like a tidal wave, and she didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or scream at the top of her lungs. She wanted to hit him, scream at him for breaking her heart and ruining what they had. She wished she could turn back time and never meet him or develop some kind of magic power to erase her own memory and make him disappear. At the same time, she longed to hold him, to tangle her body with his and never let go. Imagining her life without him in it made no sense. He had been a constant for two years, so how could she completely cut him off and forget about him?

“Nothing good can come of this.” She spoke, mostly to convince herself.

“I know.”

Y/N sighed in frustration, throwing her arms down to the ground. “You know? That’s all you can say?”

Lando didn’t know how to respond. Did she expect him to offer her advice? How could he comfort her when he was in the exact same position?

“Tell me what to do Lando, just tell me.” Tears began to well in her eyes, threatening to fall as she bit the inside of her cheeks. “I… I don’t think I can keep doing this, but I can’t… Fuck.” The first tear slid down her cheek, and she pawed at her face to wipe it away before he saw.

“Y/N…” He reached out to touch her, but she pulled her arm away. “Y/N, come on.”

“Don’t do that. Please don’t.” She closed her eyes, concentrating on her breathing to try and stop the tears from flowing. “You broke my heart, Lando.” She whispered, saying the words aloud for the first time.

“And you broke mine.”

She looked up, meeting his gaze. Her eyes stung as she looked at him, studying the anguish in his brow and the tightening of his lips. “I… I’m sorry.”

“Are you? Are you? Because you’re the one who showed up at my door and didn’t give me the chance to get over you.” Lando hissed, his tone far more aggressive than he intended. He saw how this upset her and immediately rose to his knees to inch closer to her. “Y/N, I didn’t – “

“No, you’re right. I should never have showed up and practically begged you to fuck me. This is all my fault, that’s what you’re saying, isn’t it?” She seethed, anger mixing with her sadness to create a truly messed up cocktail of emotions.

“That’s not what I said.”

“But it’s what you meant, right? If I’d never shown up here after Austria, none of this would’ve happened, we wouldn’t be in this mess, and you would have moved on.”

“How do you know that?” He asked, sinking back down to sit cross-legged. “Go on, tell me. How could you possibly know that? Do you really think I could move on that easily?”

“But you just - “ 

“Yes, I know what I said.” He sighed, holding his head in his hands and running his fingers through his hair. “I’m not blaming you. This is just as much my doing as yours.” 

Silence fell between them again, Y/N’s tears drying and Lando’s pounding heart slowing to its regular pace. How many times were they going to have the same conversation? What two people spent more time discussing their breakup than actually going through it? 

He moved towards her, seeking consent in her eyes before sitting down. She nodded, tucking her elbows in so he could comfortably sit next to her. Laying her hand on the ground, Lando placed his on top and slotted his fingers between hers. 

“This is shit.” She declared.

“This is shit.” He agreed. 

Once again, they turned their heads to look at each other simultaneously. The redness in her water line and the tears trapped in her eyelashes made Lando’s chest ache. He wished there was something he could do to take the pain away and make this easier for the both of them. He was yet to cry over the breakup as he mostly felt numb inside, but he knew it would come eventually. He feared it. He didn’t want to cry, especially not over something he could’ve prevented if he’d tried hard enough. 

Y/N analysed Lando’s blank expression, the dark bags beneath his eyes making his entire face appear duller. She hated seeing him like this, as he’d always been so unbelievably full of life and constantly smiling. She wondered how much sleep he’d been getting. Was he cradling his pillow to fill the empty space in his arms at night? Or was she the only one who needed the comfort of something to hold in order to drift off? 

With their faces so close, they could feel each other breathing. Instinctively, Y/N’s eyes fluttered closed, her breaths becoming more shallow as Lando tilted his face closer. Curling his finger under her chin, he guided her towards him. “If we do this, it has to be the last time.” He whispered, his bottom lip grazing hers, eliciting a gasp from deep within her chest. 

“The last time.” She breathed, desperate for him to kiss her. He closed the gap between them, softly pressing his lips against hers. Quietly, she moaned into his mouth as he opened it just enough for her to slide her tongue past his lips. Tasting traces of the white wine on each other’s tongues, they laid back down on the carpet, Lando keeping a hand beneath her head for support.

She hooked her legs around his hips to pull him closer as she sucked his bottom lip into her mouth. He groaned, reaching down to push his shorts past his knees. Y/N balanced on her back, lifting her ass in the air so he could undress her with ease.

Their night ended how it always did. They held each other close as Lando fucked her slowly, trying to delay the moment for as long as possible. Over and over they told each other it would be the last time, knowing that they were lying to themselves.

It wouldn’t be the last time. 

[drinkyourvillainjuice]

Character Q&A - Mallory & Wil - June '24

Hey peoples!

Over on Patreon, members can submit questions for poll-winning characters to answer in-character. The current hotseat belongs to Mal and Wil simultaneously. Since the answers are public, I figured why not post them here too. Enjoy!

For Mal:

Q: Mal, is there a look you feel the most comfortable in?

A: Sorta? It's more like, there's a range I prefer staying inside. I don't like being too tall or too short, I like keeping the toned bod. I'd have glasses a lot more if they weren't a pain in the ass with a mask. Usually prefer not being too masc or fem, but that depends. It's a comfort thing. Oh, and I don't like changing ethnicity. I dunno how to explain it but it feels, like... yeah I dunno. Lying isn't usually a problem for me but that kinda deceit makes me feel not okay.

Q: When did you first discover you could do what you do?

A: I was like nine or ten and I was screwing around in the kitchen. I think I was trying to microwave dirt or something? I was a little shit when I was a kid. Anyway I picked up my toasty dirt and my hand kind of just melted and I'm freaking out and thinking I invented acid dirt. Luckily mom was there and ran in and she kinda knew what to do, so I put my hand back together and started changing skin colours. Red, blue, orange, all kinds. Then I got grounded for microwaving dirt.

Q: What's your idea of a good date?

A: Hm, good question. I like to switch things up, but I'd rather be doing like, an activity. I get kinda restless with sitdown stuff like dinner or going to the movies. Would rather curl up at home if we're gonna watch something. But yeah, like, going to the club, dancing, just doing things in each other's company, and if we can go home and cuddle or uh, more, afterward, then even better. I mean that's not essential, touch is just a thing for me.

Q: What do you think of the new members?

A: Teddie needs to lighten up. I know his power is a shitty hand, but the grouchy act gets kinda old when you're trying to work as a team. Kay's fun, though if she sticks with this career she's either gonna wise up or she's gonna get burned hard. Still, it's nice having someone around who gets gender stuff. I like Wil but I don't think he's cut out for this line of work. Just a feeling. Guilty conscious, you know?

[MC] is interesting. 'lil bit of a wildcard. Definitely holding a lot back, but who isn't? There are deep wounds there, and I mean deep. I dunno. People with nothing to lose are dangerous, and I doubt [MC] has much.

Q: What kind of movies / TV shows do you like?

A: I'm an unrepentant lover of trash. Give me shitty reality TV and direct to DVD movies. Musicals, too. Just, uh, hope you don't mind hearing all the songs over and over the next few days cause I'll be singing them nonstop.

Q: Did you ever think of being an actor?

A: Nah, not for me. Only two things I ever wanted to be. Still working on those.

For Wil:

Q: Wil, what's your idea of a good date?

A: A good date's one where everyone enjoyed themselves. The actual activity could be almost anything. I love taking people to concerts, though. Not big ones, I'm talking the kind that you get at a bar or maybe a smallish performance centre. There's just something special about it.

Q: What do you think of the group?

A: I don't like that Dion kept things quiet until we'd already committed ourselves. I'm all for giving the government a big fuck you, but Dion held it back on purpose. Makes it harder to trust him. The group as a whole is alright, I guess. Get along okay with everyone. Little surreal to have coworkers and friends as a villain. Hanging out with buddies in downtime isn't something I ever pictured villains doing, you know?

[MC] worries me a bit. There's this... haunted air, and that doesn't happen out of nowhere. I kind of hope there's something I can do to help.

Q: What music do you listen to?

A: K-pop and country.

*cracks up*

Okay, that was a lie. Yeah, I'm absolutely predictable. I like punk and metal, bit of alt rock. I have a pipe organ album, too.

...what?

Q: How did you meet Teddie and Kay?

A: We were all younger. Their powers were both already a thing, mine weren't. They used to hang out a lot in this one neighourhood next to the Parks which is basically the Parks minus one percent, and I happened to work at a coffee place there. They came in now and then, got the impression they couldn't really afford it very often. Exchanged a few words here and there, hadn't really met them until they staggered in one day all bloody and bruised. I guess I was the nearest person they vaguely thought they could trust?

Anyway that's how I wound up getting introductions while fixing Teddie's broken nose.

[kanene-yaaay-o-retorno]

The way that I can't stop thinking about the song Skies Forever Blue but with the eggs from qsmp...

Like, the song probably is about romance and stuff but gosh it is also about having your entire world changed because of someone, of spending your time with them knowing at every second that you're both fated to get separated, is to fight against the destiny on your own, in little ways that matter, is to enjoy and love and cry and hurt all at once and it's so beautifullll

It's just so bittersweet and magnificent and I am in a qsmp roll lately so for me it fits so well! The way that when everyone received their eggs, their sons and daughters, to take care of they weren't taking it so seriously and it was not that big of deal because, well, ya know, eggs.... but they had quests that needed to be done for them to not die and get happy and at the end when the dragon comes back there will be a huge prize for the ones that kept them safe and sound so yeah

Then they by day things get a bit more complicated than that. Day by day, they weren't simply eggs anymore, they were little companionships that followed you around and went to adventures and chatted with you and had nice ideas so suddenly you're building a reinforced room to keep them safe because they *only have two lifes* and now you realize how little that is. The room soon becomes a nice house that you both decorate together. You sing them a lullaby everytime before they go to sleep. You tell them stories. They jump and play flutes when they are happy and do their little tantrums when they're annoyed. They like to get on your nerves and leave presents and sweet words when you least expect it. You explore dungeons together. You prepare little picnics and watch the sunset everyday.

They are now your kid. They have the name you have choosen. They have a house on your heart and you mind. They are being constantly attacked by monsters that you can't defeat permanently in an island that you can't escape from. You don’t want to escape alone anymore. You have nightmares of them dying. They love you so much. There is no secrets between the two of you. You accepted that if they are spies then you would go down for them. They are family. They only have two lifes. They still jump in front of the danger to save you. You are imortal. You would do anything for them. In the end they will always be taken away.

So aaaaa! Incoherent noises! Skies forever blue!!!! Every single time I listen to that part of the song that is like "Ever since the day, we met a parcel of my mind's lost to you" I can only think about the day that Philza logged like 3am on the server to take care of Chayanne or when the players mentioned having real nightmares of their eggs getting hurt or how Forever created and built an entire system of protection so no one else would ever go thru the pain of losing their egg ever again.

Or or the part that is "Long as all the words you say are going straight to me, I'm enthralled ". I can perfectly picture Fit having flashbacks of those years he spent in that world of devastation and being brought to the reality by Ramon, his beautiful baby boy that makes his entire life worth it

I imagine Tallulah hugging and crying and showing Willbur all the letters she wrote while he was away at the part of "How you do and where you been and why you never call, say it all"

And aaaa there is so much more! Dapper and Bbh spending literal hours planning and building together and Richarlyson being a lil brat with his parents but loving them with his entire heart. Etoliess teaching Pomme how to fight and Baghera shielding her on the first day right after they met because she was in a corner scared. Vegetta and Foolish building a freaking mansion and train because Leonarda asked them for one....

And that is not even getting into how they behave w each other! Forever crying after visiting Tallulah's house, Bbh fighting in that dungeon and screaming for Richarlyson to stay back, to go home and be safe. Cellbit and Pomme always exchanging a different kind of flower when they see each other, Cellbit and Richas building a Coffe shop in homage for Bobby, Jaiden showing her secret house to Cellbit and Richas where she used to watch the sunset with Roier and Bobby. Roier and Leonarda getting into siblings fights. Foolish always teasing all the eggs everytime they see them. Felps pretending to be Richas and Richas pretending to be him. Philza protecting all the eggs that were left in his care when their parents went to explore the train. Baghera calling Bbh "bebbou" and making a room for Pomme in Cellbit's castle. Pac and Mike creating an entire room for hide and seek. Max and bbh creating more and more theories about how to escape from the island and destroy the federation. Chayanne being so protective of Tallulah. Dapper showing all his siblings how to build things they needed to complete his quests. Quackity calling Richas "mi hijo" and being sweet and spending time w him and saying "I love you more than the 1% of the parenthood I have over u". Dapper and bbh singing Happy Birthday for the eggs that have gone away. Everyone giving armor and everything else to Slime/Gegg so he wouldn’t be alone an unprotected. Baghera making an entire lullaby just for Pomme and each of them scheduling playdates w each other....

Every single time they call them MY son MI HIJA, MEU filho (idk how u say that in french :( ) like really??? That what you've all decided to do today?? To make me cry???

I just have a lot of feelings about qsmp man

[toinfinitywinning]

What you see & hear- or even if you can. Just a cover.

Open it? There’s no tellin’ the worm. But you bought the ticket. It’s your Day 1.

They’re gonna try to break you.

Yk every Day I wake up. And I’m scared of it. Don’t want to. And not b/c im warm in my bed snuggling w/ my feather duvet and rain, with the weight of a horse on my legs play pretending he’s a 3 lb Show shhnowzaa but b/c I’ve already, already lived it. And having been in a constant State of fight or flight, normal or abnormal, sometimes u can’t tell —I still feel bad. W/e differentiation you had to separate the two both ended up at the North Pole but you’ve at least got Santa.

So this means I’m confused all Day but I still want some of Michael’s Secret Stuff Gatorade (haterade) from “welcome to the space jam—alright.” 🎵. To get me through. A safe energy drink. And your body doesn’t ☊ anymore so the more you talk to yourself the saner. It’s just I’ve never had to fake I’m physically okay to be present so much. Physical sickness affects ur mind Health and if you already struggle w/ that my condolences b/c your leg hurts too.

It’s a nightmare never 1-upping to a dream of being without. Then some days it’s will hear a song or remember a Good time or just Start crying-faucet not included. No acute-reason onset. (We gotta find another word for trigger no joke). I only subconsciously wonder will today be better…Will I get better? And I don’t know why I continue to continue being somewhere inbtw positive and negative. All the sudden my mind is taxed and so are your paychecks and I’ve been up for 15 minutes not even thinking I was thinking b/c Truth is, when something becomes your reality for such a Long time, everything just runs together. You’re afraid to feel anything yet know if you don’t it’s not just your body ready to atrophy. Not Good. And it’s a sneaky lil’ mf.

I can’t Imagine the omnipresent (best word for constant I got) Pain people feel having been with Illness their whole lives. How differently their world is shaped. Pain, prolonged cynicism, Illness prolonged, disability prolonged, w/e u used to think about things is gone unless you’re born one of these ways. Now to be clear I was born this Way but not THIS Way don’t get it twisted. Some days I wonder what it would be like to swap around. W/e it is—This presence does not belong to God— but maybe its mere existence really does b/c we won’t have anyone to thank if things get better? And there’s no joy in the things we’ve hoped for and overcome? And everything always has an End result of some kind…Right? If that’s my endgame I can only look at some things very matter of fact-ly. But. Here we are. Pending. Loading. Accept All Cookies. Your Health for potential healing is At the mercy of literally a button click away from quality or lifesaving or changing Medicine or therapy. CAN YOU AFFORD TO STAY ALIVE? Be fired? Bankrupt-ed? Evicted? No college, no trade School, but you work ur butt off to provide but you’re still paid $7.25/hr as I was as head intramural supervisor at Georgetown College. 15 years ago. Not just that, exist, like eating, clothes to wear, some sort of roof. So you’re choosing between crappy and crappier. Literally no difference. How in the is someone even going to try to stay healthy?!

Thankfully I don’t have to worry as much about the material, which, its Stress alone induces more trauma and Anxiety, but I’d bet how we feel physically isn’t too different. All the sudden again in the subconscious where I am all the time I’m figuring and not truly present you really think existentially like how in not God’s name clearly did I get here? I fixed everything. But Life isn’t played by a claw that has never won anybody a teddy bear. I wouldn’t pin karma to me in itself but it sure makes you think.

None of this is about to make sense but it’s where my mind took me.

Think about what was happening in your Life before things changed. Before literally waking up one Morning and knowing that very second things had to change or I was headed toward death a lot faster than I thought until that God moment. I don’t have many of them that are that dramatic but nothing was clearer to me in that moment. And then that Damn bat and conspiracy crap of government population control. If anthrax was sprinkled in Amazon boxes we’d be extinct. But Pretty sure we know how to get rid of people without breaking a beaker or test tube and then turning on a fan just gifting particles. And Unraveling ALL of the many ways of healing I’d finally lived into. I was so close. To every Fk up id invited. And so asking why anymore seems vacant. Echoing. And my ears hurt. ATP I’m More so saying well, I’m not sure that strategy is going to work anymore. Where’s the ღ in Health. It’s lost it. How much are you worth? No, like write down a monetary number on a piece of paper, fold it and slide it across the desk. Insurance companies be like: I see your offer and I’ll raise your offer: have you tried dying yet? B/c you could save a lot of money that way. The money it will take to bury you might even be more deadly.

So The most defeating part is beginning the Day as it ends. When I think about that it’s just like how did I get here? I’m still stubborn about it but maybe regardless of w/e someone accomplishes there’s the reality you’re still living in an imperfect world where you can only control so many things. Even if u gain that control back all those traps R still available. So you can Imagine my surprise when there’s not enough OCD to Go around to control THIS. regardless of what we can have control over, do that, b/c the smaller victories become magnified and walking to the kitchen to take your Meds that may or may not be helping is like an 8-ball w/ only 8 options. Eenie meenie miney. Mo.

I don’t set out to cry or tear up in the videos I share. I’ve always been a cryer. I’ve been told I feel things more intensely so it hits different, does different. The direct quote will remain anonymous but the sentimental pack rat in me wrote it down ASAP. Like, a handwritten letter. You took TIME for me. The quote—It was several years ago and I almost can’t stand it b/c it’s me in whatever kind of Shell is available at the time.

[“people perceive me as an individual who has the kindest of all hearts, but who struggles with the realities of life given that kindness…Like how the tenderhearted feel the pains of the earth more intensely.”]

It’s so true. But if I can’t be real what Good’s that gonna do? For me it further affirms what I already am living. In Edgar’s scary A** pit or with the company of not one canary in the coal mine.

C’ya in the AM. 🫡

[v-anrouge]

hi yes hello!!

~~

i think my love languages are physical touch and quality time/parallel play! i’m very touchy-feely with those i love, so i’m always hugging and kissing and wanting cuddles. (i’m also very touch-starved oops) and i love just being with my partner—whether we’re doing the same activity together or doing two different things and just vibing. 💕

i love making or buying my partner gifts as well!! whether it’s a lil something i saw in the store that made me think of them, or it’s something i created for them, i love seeing my partner light up when i surprise them with gifts 💕💕

~~

my meds/chronic illnesses make me rlly sleepy, so i nap all the time, but when i’m not conked out i like to cosplay, read fanfic, work on my current hyperfixation craft, play Animal Crossing or Final Fantasy 14, create/work on OCs, and coloring on my phone while watching horror/true crime shows!! (i like my silly little phone games too uwu)

my current hyperfixation craft is drawing!! but in the past it’s been loom knitting, cross stitching, or soap making!! i tend to cycle though these every 6 months 😅 at least i have all the supplies already!!

before i got sick i loved to dance, too—i took ballet, aerial silks, and musical theatre. oh!! i love to sing, too!! i was trained in classical italian opera for a few years, along with musical theatre. on good pain days i’ll twirl around my kitchen dancing to songs on my OCs playlists, or sing along with them. …i’ll freeze like a deer in the headlights if someone walks in on me doing that tho. “>.>

~~

my partner needs to be… understanding, to say the least. my memory is poor and i’m always sick, so they need to not mind taking care of me every once in awhile during my flare-ups. i like having a partner with a sense of humor, who’s very soft with me. if you’re mean to me i WILL cry (/hj???)

they also gotta tolerate my vocal stims—my latest one has been “koebi-chan~!” and i’m sO EMBARRASSED ABOUT IT??? 💀💀 BUT ITS SO FUN TO SAY??? HELP???

~~

sorry for the long info dump 😅 and tysm for doing this!!! 💖💕💖💕 pls take your time!!

time to work 💪💪💪💪

JADE my hc is that jade actually really enjoys physical affection, at least if it's from someone he's close with, he doesn't seem to mind floyd's affection and while that could be because they're brothers i hc that he will enjoy any affection that someone close to him will give him, be prefers to do it in private but he'll have to problems holding your hand hugging you in public kissing your hand or cheek, he finds it adorable that you're brave enough to ask for affection for someone most people consider dangerous (but u know in reality he's just a little guy) in private he'll really enjoy cuddling with you, kissing your face holding you close and he even bites you affectionately.

whenever you buy jade a little mushroom themed thing you love to see the mask he puts up completely shattering as he smiles brightly before kissing you softly, he then starts to info dump about the mushroom and the type of mushroom, while he absolutely loves the things you buy, the most important to him are the ones you make, he puts those in a special place in display and sometimes u caught him just staring at the things you made him with a very soft smile, he loves teasing you but if he notices it's getting too much he'll immediately stop and kiss your head making you a bit of tea and holding your hand softly as a way to apologize, he truly does care and love you he'll have absolutely no problems helping you and taking care of you when your pain gets too much, he'll always remind you to take your medicine, he'll always make sure you're comfortable when you go take a nap and he'll stay by your side either reading a book or watching something in his phone (probably abt mushrooms) jade makes sure to research about your illnesses so that he'll be able to help you as much as he can, sometimes it's tiring but seeing you smile and thank him for being such a good lover immediately makes him happy and your kisses make any exhaustion go away , a lot of times you'll awake from your naps and feel a very sleepy jade hugging you tight he is wrapped around you while hiding his face, it's adorable to see him in such a vulnerable way and knowing you're one of the only people he trusts to be his true self

a lot of times jade will quietly sneak up on you while you sing your heart out and watch you with a smirk waiting till you notice him, if you haven't noticed him when you finish the song he'll warn you by clapping and then proceeding to kiss your cheek while he starts to praise your amazing performance he loves seeing your reaction and although he's teasing you, you can see that he truly does enjoy listening to your voice

jade would be very entertained by your vocal stims, if you don't like he won't point them out to tease you but he will always let out a small genuine smile or a soft laugh

another person i think would fit is...

LILIA he LOVES hugging you kissing you cuddling you surprising you by suddenly appearing in the ceiling and kissing your forehead he loves your reactions and will always giggle while he does so please make sure to always return his affections he feels so at peace when you're holding him, kissing him and showering him with affection, his favorite thing to do is sit on ur lap while u kiss his face he'll be giggling the entire time and those little wing-like things on his hair flutter (yes they flutter when he's happy i actually work on twst so i can confirm) btw u should def play with them lilia will start purring and melting on your embrace while you do so

lilia loves trying out as much hobbies as possible so anytime u decide to try something new he'll always get very excited and ask to join you, you two will have a lot of fun and spend the whole day laughing when doing so, lilia will come up with the silliest things to make you happy, even if they're clearly supposed to be funny they're also extremely well made and he loves it when you point that out and praise him. you and lilia have a little especial day every month where you both take everything you bought/made for eachother that month and talk about the items, lilia loves everything you give him but when you make them from scratch lilia can't help but blush, his big eyes shining and he can't stop smiling, his heart feels like it's about to explode with affection and love you just make him so so happy he feels so lucky to have you

as expected lilia will have absolutely no problems with taking care of you, in the times where you pain gets really really bad you'll see lilia get serious because he cannot stand to see you in pain, he'll immediately do anything he can to stop the pain, he'll always remind you to drink your medicine and he'll be making sure you're completely comfortable, once you tell him that you are he'll smile and kiss your forehead as he watches you slowly fall asleep, he stays there by your side as he starts to play games, even tho he is very focused in his game whenever you start showing signs of waking up or any sounds of pain in your sleep lilia will immediately drop it and start paying attention to you

lilia loves hearing you sing, you two often do duets, he also loves gaming with you and hearing about your ocs, absolutely adores your drawings and you two have drawing competitions often, the prize??? a bunch of kisses.

lilia finds your vocal stims super cute but if you don't like him pointing it out then he will respect your boundaries and keep his thoughts to himself, if u end up with a vocal stim of a phrase he says a lot tho he'll always giggle and kiss your lips sitting on your lap and batting his eyelashes at you what a bastard

other possibilities: trey, malleus, azul & vil

[noloveforned]

no love for ned is on wlur from 8pm until midnight tonight and i hope you can join us.

i just realized i'm starting off the show tonight with a song from the spinanes who i was introduced to almost exactly thirty years ago. they opened for the afghan whigs at the famed city gardens (jon stewart was a bartender there in the eighties!) on april 8th, 1994. i remember the exact date because it was the day kurt cobain's body was found. the radio announced it that afternoon while we were in the car. i know there was a lot of talking about it that night, especially since both bands were on sub pop (where nirvana got their start). not sure i have much else to say- just a memory that was prompted by a band and date.

anyway, i've also archived last week's show on mixcloud for you to catch whenever you'd like if you're busy tonight!

no love for ned on wlur – march 22nd, 2024 from 8-10pm

artist // track // album // label martha // a praise chorus // is tomorrow just a day like all the rest? 7" // big scary monsters marbled eye // tonight // read the air // summer shade deerhoof // punch buggy valves // reveille // joyful noise checkpoint // friends // drift // erste theke tontraeger girl germs // magazine // tremorverse one compilation // tremorverse mononegatives // kill mono // kill mono flexi 7" // feral kid the celebrities // runaway baby // redd karpet ep // total punk virvon varvon // corner seat // four bars of hate cassette // girlsville cuticles // cheese in my brain // major works // siltbreeze reverse yr curse // how we get around // reverse yr curse ep // (self-released) the second wife // needle // tourist // potluck foundation rosali // my kind // bite down // merge waxahatchee featuring mj lenderman // right back to it // tigers blood // anti- lee baggett // all star day // echo me on // perpetual doom hochzeitskapelle featuring enid valu // stockholm syndrome // we dance ep // alien transistor alien eyelid // lemons (country club mix) // lemons (country club mix) digital single // fruit leather equipment pointed ankh // trucks to gettysburg // downtown // torn light ruth goller featuring tom skinner // below my skin // skyllumina // international anthem jessica ackerley, kevin cheli and gahlord dewald // aloft // submerging silently // cacophonous revival masao nakajima quartet // third plane // kemo-sabe // bbe music tani tabbal quartet // up start // intentional // mahakala dj harrison // lil birdie // shades of yesterday // stones throw tierra whack // accessible // world wide whack // interscope nimsins and ovrkast. // something else // me vs me ep // lofiction tanya morgan featuring piakhan // alleye need // brooklynati // interdependent media pete and cheez // you and me // eccentric soul: the shoestring label compilation // numero group calypso // the summer lies // the summer lies digital single // (self-released) shout out louds // the comeback // howl howl gaff gaff (revisited) ep // rutan tutan good morning // ahhhh (this isn’t ideal) // good morning seven // polyvinyl julia mcfarlane's reality guest // sensory // whoopee // night school mister baby // orange days // two two seven compilation // prefect research vessel // like today // going tomorrow cassette // small craft advisory dogbreth // into your arms // second home benefit volume one compilation // second home

[suckitsurveys]

Are you interested in any reality TV shows? They are definitely not something I seek out, but I can get caught up in them from time to time. Also, do competition shows count as “reality?” Like Legomasters and Is It Cake? Lol.

What’s your favourite thing to have on toast? Jelly/jam.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever had to deal with at your job? There was an active shooter threat on the campus I work on and it was me and my coworker’s job to secure all the buildings remotely while also dealing with the fact that the threat was a block away from me.

Do you think being born was a mistake? I was definitely planned but I sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t have been.

Do you have a large dog? If not, are you afraid of them? I don’t and I’m not.

What is something you used to always do but don’t anymore? I don’t know.

Has anyone ever told you that they loved you, and you didn’t say it back? Yes. What’s your favorite hairstyle on the opposite sex? I love it a little shaggy.

Have you ever done a Mason jar craft? Nah. I usually use them to drink out of or store food in.

Who is your favorite photographer? I couldn’t tell you.

Were you shy in high school? Yes and no.

Do you wish karma were real, or are you glad that it isn’t? Oh it can be real.

Who are the cutest babies in your Facebook newsfeed? Barf.

Are your ears pierced more than once, if at all? My left ear is pierced 3 times and my right it pierced once.

Did the last guy/girl you kissed have any piercings? They do not.

Do you actually love your parents? Of course I do.

Do you know anyone autistic? Yes.

How about someone bipolar? Yes.

Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries? Of course.

What was your very first pet like? I had two parakeets that were my 2nd grade class’s pets. We took them home for the summer and ended up just keeping them because the teacher who got them left. Their names were Featherbrain and Lucky. FB was light blue. Lucky was dark blue and name so because his lil feet were twisted around. They were very cute and loud lol..

Have you ever pet a cow, a sheep or a pig? All three.

What is the wallpaper on your best friend’s cell phone? I have no idea. The last time I saw Sarah’s it was a picture of her and her husband and their cats. I can’t remember the others.

Do you like your girlfriend’s/boyfriend’s parents? I do.

Do you like Polaroid photography? Sure.

Is there a friend of yours who curses nonstop? Who would that be? It’s me oops.

What internet browser do you use? Chrome.

What do you usually do to let your feelings out? Cry.

What was the last thing you uploaded/plugged into the computer? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh my headphones to charge

Are you participating in Project 365 (you take a picture of you/something every day of the year and post it)? I’ve tried this before and I failed haha.. Do you have a Flickr? If so, post the link. I don’t.

Do you think it’s dumb when a band smashes their instruments, or do you find it totally radical? Whatever.

Have you ever made a gif? If not, do you think it’d be interesting to make one? No.

When you feel uninspired, do you feel like you need to go somewhere to become inspired? I mean, it depends.

Have you ever lived on a university campus? Nope.

Do you play any games on your phone? Yup.

Have you ever shaved your face? Yes, I do often because PCOS is a bitch.

What was the last vaccination you got? Covid.

Who’s your favorite rapper? And your favorite song by this favorite rapper? Post Malone. My current favorite is Chemical.

How about your favorite band? And your favorite song by this band? Vampire Weekend. Hannah Hunt is my favorite, naturally.

Has anyone ever made a promise to you that they’d change? Who? Uh huh.

Have you ever had any painful dental work done? If so, what? I had my wisdom teeth out and that was not pleasant.

Is there anyone you’d like to apologize to? I’m good.

Could you go a month without talking to your best friend? Not a whole month, no. Not without at least saying a couple things to each other.

How has your style changed since you were in high school? Eh. I’m still for comfort over fashion.

What was the last new drink you discovered that was delicious? I bought some Thai tea from the grocery store with low expectations but it was really good.

What is your favorite way your hair has ever looked? In terms of color? Blue with black ends. Style? My most recent “buttlerfly” or “wolf” or whatever you want to call it cut.

Have you ever had a teacher that also taught your parents? Nope. I did have a teacher in high school who graduated high school with my sister.

Where’s the nearest GameStop near you? I have no idea. Probably the

What was the last thing you took a video of? A deer we saw on a walk recently.

What’s the biggest risk you’ve ever taken? Honestly, going to meet my husband for the first time.

Do you believe your ex cares about you? No.

What was the last compliment you received from the opposite sex? Something work related.

Have you ever been to an orchard? I have.

Who was the last family member of yours that died? My father’s cousin.

What is your favorite color for cars? Purple or blue.

Do you have any gay family members? Yes.

Did your last relationship end because of you or the other person? It was both of us.

Would you be upset if you caught your boyfriend looking at porn? No, of course not.

Have you ever had crabs, turtles, or lobsters? As pets? No. Eaten? Yes.

What is your favorite type of cat? Torties.

What if a friend asked you to go with her to get an abortion? I would go with them, no questions asked.

Who of the opposite sex has seen you at your worst? My husband.

Are you sitting in a spinning chair? I am.

Are you one of those people who will not use a public washroom? No. If I gotta pee I gotta pee.

Have your parents ever disapproved of the person you’re dating? No.

Were you raised by someone other than your parents? I was raised around extended family so to an extent, yes.

What’s the last chore you did? Laundry.

What is your favorite jungle animal? Do pandas count?

Is your father injured? Nope, and I’m always hoping he stays that way.

Are you part Native American? Yes. A small part, but it’s there.

What are your pets’ names? Friday, Ramona, and Sake.

Have you ever worked two jobs? I have not.

Who is the oldest sibling in your family? My sister.

What are some of your happy thoughts? Kitties.

What are the names of all the dogs you’ve ever owned? Cosmo.

Would you ever get a face tattoo? Nah.

How much was the rent/mortgage at the cheapest place you’ve ever lived? $975

Who in life have you felt the strongest need to protect? My nieces.

What is the cruelest thing a person has ever said to you? Blah.

Who do you think was the worst criminal in history? There’s been way too many.

Which laws would you most like to change? Abortion would be legal everywhere.

Who have you most feared in your life? My brother in law.

What is your strongest reason for your opinion on abortion? Because people should be able to do whatever the fuck they want with their own bodies. What one natural thing would you most like to see? Some national parks.

[rainydawgradioblog]

This Summer: Cloud Rap, A Fake Hurricane, etc.

A friend of mine frequently has to remind me to “surrender to the hourglass;” that is, come to peace with the passage of time. The Hourglass is always a boogeyman of sorts to me, but it particularly troubled me this summer. I was often bemoaning a perceived lack of permanence in my life, a perception that was more than likely a trivial neurosis rather than completely reflective of my reality. On truly unreasonable days, I could be found frozen, staring at my meal, lamenting that the food in front of me would be gone once I ate it. So I kept a journal - although “journal” implies a kind of writing much more confessional than what I wrote. My journal consisted solely of the events of my day. Maybe I subconsciously believed that if I could record my days with enough accuracy, or if I could remember a day or time in my life clearly enough, I could return to it. I must have thought I could slow down the Hourglass. 

I discovered Friendzone in the midst of a dreary California afternoon, waiting out a classic mid-August South Pacific quasi-hurricane. The ambient opening to their 2012 compilation album Collection I set a compellingly dreamy soundtrack to my daily feud with impermanence, and led me down an internet research rabbit-hole. Friendzone is comprised of two East Bay producers named James Laurence and Dylan Reznick. The duo emerged alongside the then-nascent cloud rap movement of the early 2010s. Their largest commercial footprint came after producing A$AP Rocky’s cloud rap classic Fashion Killa, but they found their steadiest collaborator in the Oakland hip-hop duo Main Attrakionz. In a 2015 interview with FACT that saw Dylan Reznick sporting fingerless gloves and holding a vape that conservatively looks a foot long, the pair shared an interest in creating the misty atmosphere of cloud rap without overburdening their sound with reverb and delay. Collection I exhibits the ideals of this philosophy, where Friendzone’s maximalist production feels both dreamy and, as Reznick puts it, “hi-fi;” it's a philosophy that plainly sets them apart from other cloud rap producers.

I can’t help but feel as though Collection I is closely associated with the passage of time. The cover, a grainy, colorless image of a girl cut off at the shoulders down, suggests that we’re missing important visual information. What might be behind her, a reason for taking the picture maybe, is covered by the word “Friendzone '' in large impact font. Laurence and Reznick chose to show us strictly a fragment of a vision, a scene being recalled in fuzzy detail. Song titles, especially at the back end of the record, also bring nostalgia to mind: “I Miss Yall,” “Change,” and “Moments, Pt 1.” There’s an air of mystique that this gives Collection I, as if it’s a buried CD that’s been plucked from a yard sale, or some art school project that was unearthed from an online archive, an album that’s been forgotten. 

While many of the beats on Collection I previously appeared on Main Attrakionz records, they're by no means lacking in substance without vocals. The project completely bares the blueprint for early 2010s cloud rap production, specifically on tracks like “Near,” where vocal chops play over a rigid drum pattern and airy synths. It’s not a formula Friendzone invented, but one that’s certainly close to perfect throughout Collection I. In what has become a rite of passage for cloud rap producers, Laurence and Reznick sample Imogen Heap’s track “Just For Now” on “Change.” You might have heard “Just For Now” sampled in Lil B’s “I'm God,” “Birth of Rap,” and A$AP Rocky’s “Bass.” “Change” swaps the bittersweet feeling of its contemporaries for a more exuberant one. The track is an apt representation of what Friendzone excels at, turning a new wave sample into a sprawling wall of sound. Reznick and Laurence's commitment to creating these walls of sound without relying on heavy reverb or effects is a thread that can be followed throughout the rest of the project, such as on “Perfect Skies." It’s this production dogma that leads to Collection I exuding a kind of blissful distortion, as if it’s recounting a great memory to a friend but getting most of the important details wrong. What stood out to me during California’s pathetic try at tropical storm was the emotion it rendered in me, given the lack of lyrics. Tracks like “Change,” “!!-Major," and “Church " have a fleeting, dreamlike quality that is difficult to grab hold of in any genre, let alone instrumental hip hop. It elevates it from a record to throw on in the background to something more intentional.

Collection I feels so euphorically distant; like an idyllic beach day you only recall half of.  It’s such a tremendous testament to Friendzone’s skill as producers that they were able to bottle that mood without having to rely on language, that they could tell such a compelling story with no words. To me, that story is one of I, lying face down in a rain-soaked, nearly empty, childhood bedroom, immobilized by my ridiculous thoughts, watching the days melt away and blend together. I learned something there that I’m quite certain everyone learns at least once; that the time will pass anyways. Collection I is a must listen for anyone with a passing interest in cloud rap. Or anyone stuck in a midsummer storm. 

-Written by Benjamin Fudal

signed with a promise that Next Time I Will Talk About Myself Less

[krockat]

hi i was randomly reading tags late at night on videos, and i saw yours you added onto https:// www dot tumblr dot com/krockat / 726501511214022656 a while back asking for the source of the music and not sure if you ever figured it out so apologies if you did, but its part of the ost from the anime black butler, not a game! but if someone did use it in a game i hope you find it too!

ouffh..... anon........

see... in that post in those very tags you speak of.. . I.. i did promise i would give plenty praise and love to those who would help solve my mystery.....

and you did nothing wrong anon.

you are a beacon of light, a shining example of a person just randomly going out of their way to be a nice little light-shedder-on-er-er, while prev just doing some'n simple n pleasurable (as pleasurable as the mixed crockpot of reading random strangers tags Can be) for themself.

but.. lemme tell you.... this is rough news.

to have a rare glance of something so similar to this great (i mean no, the quality of said game itself might be questionable, but a great soundtrack and alternative Weirdness and nostalgia of a seemingly never discussed old playstation game relic of my memory lossy past - it is despite it all quite great a) mystery -

it was so hopeful and enticing!

and then i learned.. and then i learned.. it was actually from my number one enemy-anime Black Butler!!

you see, black butler and I have history.

apart from it being a creepy show where two adult demons thirst for a child boy (that for some further context also had an unfairly banger ost that deep inspired my youth), it was, infact, and here comes an actual Real trigger warning for the content ahead:

.

.

warning you, here it comes! the tags will have what specific triggers this is about.

.

.

a tool used in grooming me.

so, while i really am grateful for your kind message and explanation - to find that this music that was so similar to what i remember from the soundtrack of the game - was actually from that show? Oh real unfortunate. just realllll unfortunate.

lemme tell ya when i woke up to read i got a notif w the beginning premise that someone had figured out this mystery song - meaning also maybe the coveted mystery game?

even barely awake and conscious as i was, and just really there initially wanting to check what time it was, because my alarm certainly hadn't called yet and the darkness seeping from my curtained window spoke of other promises -

and when then i ofc immediately opened that shit up and was left face to face with the reality of KROCKAT ENEMY-ANIME NUMBER ONE - ?

oh i knew it was gonna be a special kind of day.

so, sorry for no earlier reply but i was put into a certain state of reflection these last couple days.

and it's been interesting, actually

which might sound a tad bit morbid to those inclined,

but well you know us Aquarius Suns(TM) Hahoo - who often find morbid and sad stuff fun and entertaining to think about and toss and turn around like an old sausage in a corporate bodega hot revolver grill. just a lil interest in that

it actually got me to get into a creatory headspace. thinking about all that shit.

so yea pretty good now, but the first hour of gripping w that? yeah. idk how or that i would or could or would want to explain perhaps why or how or in what way that little fact did affect me.

but. you've still done me a great service. and i intend to make good on that reward i did promise whoever would solve my inquiry.

thank you you kind little folk! very very nice of you to come in to my ask and give me answers! you seem like a nice type.

...

but yes a post this long and involved (?) does got to have an end, and one useful trick to end things you don't know how to end is to put music at the end of whatever it is.

now, Best ending would be to have the music of the Actual game's ost i was talking about. but i still don't know what the game is.

Worst ending is probably just that bl*ck b*tler song that baited me (yes i am now "blurring" it out as this is the end part of the post that's meant to end as a reprieve)

and not to say that would necessarily be a bad way to end the post. hells, it might be the interesting (♒🌞) way to conclude this post.

but i think i will just leave you with this.

(sorry that it is a link to spotify. and that it is a from a corporate-y compilation album. and w songs i haven't vetted. i had no choice in what release it was. do you still like me)

(here also comes a youtube link. )

[image ID:

Black and white picture of Swedish jazz singer Monica Zetterlund - on a youtube thumbnail and link to a video upload of her singing the song "Att angöra en brygga".

end image ID.]

[codenamesailordarillium]

tagged by my lovely friend ms mouse @everybodyknows-everybodydies :D

favorite color: judging by my recent (expensive) nail polish purchases, overwhelmingly purple & green 💜💚💅

currently reading: thru the ever-reviving hydra of fic updates stacked in my email inbox 😅

last song: a medley of kpop girlie songs to try to help my sister calm down & fall asleep last night

last series: this cute lil reality show from Japan called Old Enough! where little kids are sent to do their first ‘adult’ errands like get stuff from the shop, etc. obviously with heavy supervision including an entire camera & production team. if we’re talking an actual scripted show, that was probably drifting between a couple episodes of Bodyguard because I came to the epiphany that I find Ricky Madman kinda cute 😝

last movie: if we’re talking on a streaming service, I got halfway thru The Eternals (once again bc Ricky Madman cute lol) on D+ but I've actually been watching some ‘free with ads’ stuff on YouTube recently so I finally watched The Fifth Element & Get Smart and quite enjoyed both 

sweet, spicy, or savory? mostly savory, but what my tongue wants changes pretty frequently. I'm not super fond of spicy stuff but am willing to brave mild levels of spice if the dish is just that good, like nothing will keep me away from a Costco enchilada. I literally sank a bowl of chotpoti my mom brought home the other night with a cup of milk on the side, it’s definitely doable. 👍

craving: the campus Carl’s Jr. that I haven’t been to in like over two weeks now that the semester’s over & won’t be at again until August 😭😞

tea or coffee? coffee generally but I’m cool with both 🤷‍♀️

currently working on: nothing really, just biding my time for the rest of the day since tomorrow supposed to be the start of my school’s summer session & the one online class I decided to try out

thanks again for tagging me mouse! idk who to tag, I usually say anyone who wants to do it can and say that I tagged them but that’s never actually happened lol. maybe I should put my money where my mouth is & do it myself next time I see someone say that & see how it goes 🤔