#just no follow through sksksk

[detectivelokis]

Charlie’s creation day is Sunday and I have nothing for my beloved child. Truly a terrible mother 😭

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

I am a new reader of your blog, and that is something I want to know (but it's totally okay if you want to ignore this ask!) why you stopped liking [with you]? Is there something in particular that bothered you about this fic?

That... is a question with a loaded answer.

The quick answer is:

I put way too much pressure on myself with [with you] that caused terrible burnout and I couldn't do any creative writing for a long time after; a small portion of my readers were pretty hostile about slow updates; there were criticisms about the story that I had a hard time with; and there are a lot of story beats and writing decisions I made with it that I'm very critical of. All of those things combined, I now have a lot of negative feelings associated with [with you].

The not-so-quick answer involves a lot of self-criticism about my prose, poor choices, the criticisms by my readers, and some behind the scenes stuff. I'll put all that under a "keep reading" for anyone interested in more detail.

When I started [with you], it wasn't meant to be a 50k+ story, it was just going to be a simpler story told in a couple parts... that I then kept expanding. I'm pretty sure every note I have on the original version posted on here starts with, "hey y'all, this story is this many parts now whoops haha"

I had very little planned out, I was just discovery writing my way through everything. I wrote a chapter, read through it a couple times, said, "yeah that's good enough," then posted. Y'know, like what a lot of people who write fics do. "no beta, we die like Ben falling down the bell tower" and all that.

I had ideas of where I wanted to go, but I didn't start an outline until I was well into the story. It was bloated. I felt like I needed to add every single idea I had, and needed to expand on every character, even if it didn't do anything to advance or enhance the story... and that became overwhelming for me to keep track of since I wanted it to all tie together in the end and please my readers.

When I read through it now, there is so much that can be cut that no one would miss. It would flow better and be easier to read.

My prose [the actual writing style] is all over the place and reads like a first draft, especially in earlier chapters. Spelling errors, run-on sentences, whole paragraphs that I should've cut. While I feel better about my dialogue, there are some conversations that read as awkward.

Honestly, the best part of the entire fic is Clementine and Louis' story, which... yeah. I'm pretty happy with the way I portrayed their dynamic, dialogue, and romance. I just wish I hadn't bogged it all down with everything else, like... that's all it needed to be, it just needed to be about clouis.

Oh, and I still like the dream sequence. That's probably one of the better chapters, if not the best chapter.

Now, when I say I made bad choices with this story, one of those choices I'm referring to is my "big rewrite." This was incredibly stupid. Past CJ thought it was a good idea but she's a dumb ass. You can't listen to anything she says.

Basically, I got the brilliant idea that I would take [with you] down and rewrite the whole thing before I wrote the final chapters. I wasn't satisfied with how it was written. I felt I could do so much better. I was going to trim unnecessary fat, expand on important details, make some heavy changes, improve everything, and then repost it with the ending.... so I deleted it off AO3 and got to work.

Terrible idea. Don't ask me why. What I should've done was discontinued that version, made a note that it was old, and then published the new version separately. But I didn't. And a lot of people were pissed at me. Shocking.

I should've just finished it. I should've finished it, posted it, and then went from there. But I didn't. Ever since then I've gotten a lot of readers who would go on anon and send me messages about [with you] that are passive aggressive or guilt trippy. That soured my feelings about the story and myself as a writer tremendously.

Then there's Violet.

I wrote the first few chapters before Ep4 of TFS was released, meaning I wrote Violet before we found out that she's blinded in the explosion in her kidnapped route. I took the "Violet despises you" route, and a big plot point of the story is Violet dealing with all these conflicting feelings about Clementine, hating her but also not, distancing herself from the group, the strain it put on her and Louis' friendship, etc.

I don't like how I portrayed Violet for a number of reasons. I know what I was trying to do, and I knew I couldn't [or wouldn't] scrap everything I already wrote about her and rewrite in a blind Violet on friendly terms with Clementine... because sure, I wanted to do this grand rewrite that sounded easy enough on paper, but in practice that was so much work that intimidated me.

Because behind the scenes fun- for the rewrite, I wanted to do that. That was a major change that would've cut so much from the story I wasn't happy with, and would've been a more positive portrayal of the character. But then I saw just how much would be cut and how much I'd have to write and it scared me off from the idea... so I tried to work with what I had and I still hate it.

Violet's very antagonistic in the story. She attacked Clementine after the boat explosion. Everyone thinks she'll attack her again. Mitch calls her a traitorous bitch and doesn't trust her to not stab Clementine in a conversation. There's even a point where it's mentioned that in the past she slapped Louis during a conversation. She just has a pissy attitude throughout the story but then berates herself for it and I just... I was going for a slow burn recovery that explores her trauma and ends with her reconciling with Clementine... but it doesn't come off that way? Some parts I think I executed better than others but most of it I look back at and say, "...No, past CJ, that doesn't read like you think it does...."

But that wasn't my only criticism I got about the way I wrote Violet, and this one is... a little complicated? And something most probably wouldn't take issue with or even notice unless you're a major Violet stan... but I pretty much gave Mitch [a character I loved at the time] a lot of Violet's canon character points and explored them more positively, then turned around and made Violet more antagonistic, which......yeeeeeah.

The only defense I have for this is it wasn't intentional. It really wasn't, but I understand and think it's a valid complaint. Like... I used to get these anons who would tell me this and I'd quietly delete them because, "...nope, not touching that. If I don't acknowledge it, it doesn't exist."

Lemme explain: In my fics, Mitch is gay. He had feelings for his best friend and roommate, Justin, before he died to walkers, and Mitch hasn't trusted "gross feelings" ever since... until James shows up and Mitch has to face the fact that he has romantic feelings for him while not being completely over Justin...

...y'know, totally different from Violet who is gay, had feelings for Minerva before she "died," and hasn't trusted mushy feelings ever since... until Clementine shows up and Violet has to face the fact that she has romantic feelings for her while not being completely over Minerva....

It's surface level stuff since they are written differently, and it's not like you're not allowed to have more than one character with character beats like that, but it's enough of a similarity that I get why it would rub Violet lovers the wrong way. Especially since nothing about that is canon with Mitch's character, y'know? It's the character I gave him.

I don't think it was coming from the Violet crowd [the aggressively obnoxious fans no one likes], I think it came from people who were genuinely bummed or put off by my more antagonistic portrayal of her, only to see similar traits portrayed positively with Mitch.

And that bothers me. I do like the way I wrote Mitch, but I hate the way I wrote Violet. It's made me step back and analyze why I wrote them the way I did, y'know?

But the BIGGEST criticism from readers I've gotten?

[with you] is unfinished.... valid, but there isn't anything I can add that. Sorry y'all, it's discontinued, I'm never going to finish it.

The best I can give you is what I planned: a big wedding scene where Clementine and Louis exchanged vows and kissed. Violet showed up and made amends with Clementine. Clementine talked Mitch into dancing with her even though he hates dancing. Aasim tried to ask Ruby to dance, panicked, and asked Mitch instead who was like "...Fuck no, RUBY COME DANCE WITH AASIM!" Louis and Clementine left early to head back to their room and it probably would've ended with some sappy line about being together to the end.

So... there ya go? It's not a final chapter but that's the gist of what would've happened.

But moving on, I was also going through a lot of things in my personal life that I won't get into. I was working on other writing projects that I had more interest in, so [with you] was put on the backburner. Then, over time I grew more sour about it the more pressure and guilt I put on myself, added with the pressure and guilt put on by my readers.

I do want to clarify that it's not like ALL of my readers were like this. Most of them were sweet, supportive followers who only had nice things to say. But you know how it is... you could get ten comments/asks, nine of them positive and one negative, and it's the negative one that's going to stick to you.

So, to my lovely readers, I am sorry that I let you down by not finishing it. To the rude readers, I'm less sorry because y'all were dicks.

Y'know... I can look at all of my other works and either be like "Yeah, I'm really proud of that story," or "Eh, it was one of my earlier works, so I can't be too hard on it."

But [with you] puts me in a crisis of "oh god I'm a fraud, I was never a good writer, what am I doing??? why?? why are you like this??"

and I have to snap myself out of it. That's why I'm so like this about it now.

There are other little things I could go into, but this answer is long enough. I figure if anyone has any further questions or criticisms, they'll send 'em in and I can answer them that way.

I've moved on from all my twdg writing, I'm writing dragon age stuff now, and it's finally working for me so it's not like [with you] has me all hung up still. Plus, I think it's good to go back and learn from mistakes made in old works, y'know?

[elliesmainhoe]

i actually need military! ellie surprising her wife at home i woudl die sksksk

sorry this is so randkm😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫

Miss me sugar?

Military!Ellie X Reader imagine

Summary: After three months of deployment, Ellie returns home.

Contents: fluff, southern!Ellie, mentions of nudes, kisses, Ellie picks you up, a little bit of suggestive language, pet name use 'Doll and sugar',

It was the first deployment you and Ellie had went through as a couple, and god it was torturous. You missed her desperately, her beautiful freckled face and gorgeous laugh, you both sent letters to eachother, you to her more often than not.

It saddened you to hear from her so little, but you understood why, she was deployed in a country recovering from war- writing a letter to you wouldn't be her main priority, but you still felt a small warmth of comfort whenever you sent her a letter.

Unbeknownst to you- a warmth of happiness also comforted Ellie by your letters. The contents was always a a4 piece of paper, your handwriting scribbled on both sides tucked and folded into a white paper envelope along with two polaroids.

One of them was you sitting on the sandy beach that was located near your home, wearing your favourite summer dress and straw sun hat- wind in your hair as it blew behind you . The other was a selfie, you laying on your shared bed, makeup all messy and hair sprawled out on the pillow behind you- smudged eyeliner and glossy red lips, you wore a white spaghetti strapped vest, hard nipples pressing through the material.

Lets just say you helped with keeping her entertained during those long nights laying wide awake on the bottom bunk on one of the many bunk beds that were pushed up against the side of the white washed concrete wall in the shared.

She had missed you so much, her heart throbbed every time she looked upon that pretty Polaroid and the letter you sent her every three weeks. When she got the call that she could return home a month earlier than what was planned, she was ecstatic- finding it hard not to schedule a phone call home, announcing the good news.

But another idea nibbled at her, she'd seen those cute videos of soldiers surprising their wives by coming home early. The idea of seeing your suprise face, soft lips parted in suprise and eyes wide as you wrapped your arms around her neck for the first time in so long made her brain melt.

Well.... Fuck it.

•••••••••••

The soft chirps of twittering birds echoed throughout the otherwise silent suburban neighborhood, a soft breeze fluttering past her hair as she opened the door of her Uber Infront of the blue home that you and Ellie owned.

She thanked the driver, lugging out the black suitcase and slung the grey duffle bag over her shoulder as her boot clad feet began trailing up the stone path leading up to the porch, soft sun shining through the doors stained glass window, casting a colorful glow on the warm wooded floor of your hallway.

You were brushing your teeth when the sound of the doorbell rang through your house, you spat out the toothpaste, wiping your mouth before signing as you looked at yourself in the mirror. Pink stripped pyjama set, hair tied-up, out of the way and messy, your eyes still half closed, well you don't really think that looking good for the Amazon man is that important.

Fluffy socks met the carpeted staircase as you walked down yelling a small "Coming!" So whoever was at the door didn't leave, assuming the house vacant.

Your hand met the cold metal of the door handle, pushing down and pulling towards you. Your heart stopped. Your heartbeat loud in your ears, as you gazed at the brunette- eyes glassed over.

"Ells...? Is that really you...?" You whimpered, followed by a small sniffle.

"Hi sugar..."

Before you knew it, your arms wrapped themselves securely round her neck, squeezing tightly as her arms wrapped around your waist in return.

"Missed me?" She laughed into your hair.

"so... So much"

You looked up, your own eyes locking with her green ones, she pressed her lips against yours, tongues dancing with eachother- your hand moving from her neck to cup her cheek tenderly, massaging the supple skin in a circular motion.

"Think we should take this upstairs doll?.." she smirked suggestively, mouth mere centimeters away from yours-

You could only nod in reply.

--------------------

This is really short and kinda rushed </33, but it's so cute 🫶

Taglist: @aunslie @lonelyfooryouonly @eywaskisses @daryldixonh0e @kittynnie @lovelyyevelyn @randomhoex @moonlightdivine @haerinwho @mufflaa @mial1l @sarahsmileslikesarahd0esntcare @moonlighting87 @escaping-reality8 @magicalfreakcowboylawyer @hejdevkdbdjsd @dergy @half-of-a-gay @ellieismami @cyberlainn @gollumsmygel @sseorii @kyleeservopoulos @taloulalila @ellieluhme @kiiyoooo @delusionalvioleht @joelscharm @hi2647 @gumdropkoo @coffeeandbookskeepmealive @womaniza @namgification @kimiisims-blog @tayyyystan @abigaillovestoread @whoreshores @kylieeluvstlou @knowitsforthebetterr @endureher @erikaar @lanasluverr @sayah13 @ilovebufflesbians @srryhoneyy @222fine444u @jade1212 @amoebagrl @casually-simping @frogtits1

NOT PROOFREAD

[minho-hoho]

Shush

☾ GENRE ➝ yandere, mafia

☾ PAIRING ➝ yan!mafioso!yeonjun × gn!reader

☾ WARNING ➝ yandere themes, mafia related themes, violence, blood, murder, etc...

☾ REQUESTED ➝ no

☾ WC ➝ 0.8k

☾ NOTE ➝ uhh i actually wrote this and a quite lengthy taehyun one shot but it got deleted so sksksks i just lost hope and stopped coming to tumblr for a while srryyy

MASTERLIST

you were shaking under the covers of your bed, as if the almost constant state of fear you were living in wasn't enough, yeonjun had to do his business in your house. the screams and threats were freezing your blood, you were terrified that anyone would get hurt, and that you, would get killed because of what you considered yeonjun's reckless behaviour. for someone who claimed to only want the best for you, and only acted with your best interest in mind, he sure was being dangerous towards your safety. the only thing you could do was wait patiently, praying that whatever thing he was doing, was ending soon.

you heard a scream of intense pain followed by a loud thud. the voice didn't belong to yeonjun, but you didn't know if that reassured you any better. did he kill someone in your house? you wanted to get up and check up on him, and what happened, but the thought of the possibility of seeing a dead body laying on your living room's floor was frightening.

you carefully tiptoed to your bedroom's door, and tried to listen to any sounds that might come out of the living room. for a few seconds, only a dead silence fell on your ears. the silence stopped as a string of curses left yeonjun's mouth.

quietly, you slightly opened the door, enough for your voice to be heard.

“yeonjun..?” you called out his name, your voice quivering a little.

his eyes immediately darted your way, looking at your figure peeking through the door. not knowing what to say, he stared you, his dark gaze piercing your skull.

“what happened, is everything okay?” you asked, a bit reluctant, not being able to decipher his emotions.

yeonjun sighed, looking at the corpse laying next to his foot.

“this is what happens when you decide to go outside and disobey.” he walked towards your door.

it was true, you went outside and went out with some friends when you were forbidden to do so, as yeonjun was scared that the wrong people would get you and him, and hurt you. you regretted ever going out with someone heavily involved in the mafia world, in every step you took, you were reminded of the risk that and of the chances that you'd get harmed by anyone in the opposing mafia to yeonjun's. and on top of that, you added his obsessive and overly protective behaviour towards you, you deeply regretted ever agreeing to go out with him, your mental not being able to take any of yeonjun any more.

but even if what you did was objectively dangerous and stupid, did that mean that he had to kill someone? at this point, you didn't know whether he did it to protect you, because of his borderline psychotic and obsessive behaviour or because he simply enjoyed witnessing the death of over human beings.

“because of what you did, people now know about you, and i need to kill even more people for you.” he was now in front of you, towering over you, maintaining a chilling eye contact with you.

“no matter how much i warned you, you still went against my directions. do i need to threaten you? to show you the corpses of the people i've killed? because i can, and i will if that's what you need.” shivers ran through your body, you knew that by working in a mafia he had to do some shady stuff that potentially involved ending some people's lives. but you never thought he'd kill some people because of you. especially if it could have been avoided.

a wave of guilt washed over you as you felt at fault for the death of many. your shoulders dropped, and tears started to well up in your eyes. yeonjun's eyes were piercing through you in the silence. you looked down to your feet, remorse still eating you, you took a shaky breath before muttering low excuses, your voice unstable.

unbeknownst to you, yeonjun was smirking. his efforts were paying off, he had successfully manipulated you into feeling culpability for things you didn't even control. he was now sure you'd never leave his side, which was his ultimate goal, it was all he dreamt of.

he sighed, before taking you in his arms, startling you a little. “it's okay, just, don't do it again, okay? let's not spill more blood than needed. be careful, and as long as you follow my orders to the letter, you'll be safe and happy.” his shirt was now wet by your tears, you nodded, determined to not make any more mistakes.

yeonjun grinned, he kissed the top of your head. you sobbed in his chest, as he softly rubbed your back, trying to comfort you back into a happier state.

he finally achieved his most important mission, and he was more than overjoyed inside.

PERM TAG LIST! : @stacey-stonem, @sh1mzu, @axartia, @echantedrose, @leeknowbuttsmasher, @nikipedia07, @deafeningballoonnacho, @scrumptiousphilosopherunknown

[sugawarassoulmate]

i had a thought where mean!reader's sister suddenly cant find bokuto anywhere, who's usually following her wherever she goes. but then finds him hanging out with someone else and gets jealous!! yanks him away from whatever to shove him in a closet and gives him a bj just to show that shes capable of being nice too. then promptly throws him out when theyre done

for context, this is the younger sister of the mean!reader who bullies kuroo sksksk (keep up with the pcu)

also, this is like the third time we've written about blowing bokuto this week 👀

words: 493 cw: fem!reader, oral (m receiving), college party, name-calling, dubcon, minors dni

bokuto jumps when he feels an arm wrapped around his bicep. he's unceremoniously dragged away from the conversation he was having with the very nice girl at the party. it takes him a few seconds to get his bearings and realize that it's you dragging him into the hallway.

he slightly remembers your sister saying that you were coming to the party but bokuto lost her once she met up with kuroo. he isn't able to get a word in until he's suddenly pushed into a hall closet.

"h-hey, cutie, what's—"

"so you immediately go talk to someone else the second i'm not around?" you accuse, arms crossed.

bless his heart, bo is genuinely confused. "y-you said you didn't want me to bother y—"

"that doesn't mean you can talk to another bitch, are you serious?" you're much smaller than him but your intense, intimidating aura has bokuto pressed against the wall of the tiny closet. he doesn't know what to do so he apologizes—anything to stop you from being mad at him.

"i don't even know her, she was just nice..."

"i can be nice!" you snap, dropping to your knees and tugging at bo's pants. he doesn't have time to think before you've pulled his cock out and shoved it down your throat.

"haaa, fuck," he curses, feeling the warmth of your mouth on his length. anything else he wants to say dies on his tongue as you suck him, drooling all over the length of his cock and stroking the areas your lips can't reach.

bokuto whimpers when you give small kitten licks to the head, collecting the pre-cum in your mouth before taking him as far as you can once more. it's the best head he's ever had, it's not even close. he can feel his legs shaking, his fucking knees are about to give out. the only thing keeping bo standing is his hand on the wall next to him.

"shit, ahhh shit, y/n," he gasps, feeling his release come faster than he hoped. "you need to st—i'm gonna!" without another word, your mouth is full of bo's thick cum. he hears a noise of surprise under him and you pull off his cock with a cough, swallowing and licking as much as you can. "so—i'm sorry, fuck." he says, trying to reach for you but you slap his hands away.

bo watches in awe as you lick his cock clean, a few stray moans fall from his lips from the sensitivity. once every last drop of his seed is gone, you re-dress him.

"now get the fuck out and get me a drink," you order, opening the door and shoving him through it. bo's immediately overstimulated by the loud music of the party and is still in a haze from the head he just got.

but god damn it, the first thing he does is go to the kitchen to get your drink.

©sugawarassoulmate 2022 all rights reserved - please do not repost/translate my work on other platforms!

[lightsoutletsgo]

Hey Mimi! I've noticed lots of people doing the "which mutual is which driver" tag and so I wondered what your choices would be? If this isn't your kind of post don't worry about it! xx

oooo this is so fun! tysm for sending this in, I love this kind of stuff! I only have a few mutuals that I talk to because I'm super shy about starting new conversations! (so if we are moots, pls dm me! I'd love to talk to you) ₊˚❀.ೃ࿔*:･ okay so this is all my personal opinion guys pls don't be offended 🥹 ily: LANDO NORRIS — @jamminvroomvroom; jas is 100% lando 🥹 the chaotic energy is just too similar for me to pick anyone else. always up for a laugh but knows how to be serious when needed. says the most silly goose things but it's just too fucking funny and iconic. also the loml 🤭

CHARLES LECLERC — @thebearchives bear! my baby 🥰 idk why but I like... have to give you charles? it just fits. I think bc you're both silly and goofy but hard working and dedicated. plus you both sometimes say things and then realise you made an oopsie and it makes me giggle! (also ur the charles to my carlos soooo)

OSCAR PIASTRI — @norrizzandpia; the dry sense of humour and the way you both say things so deadpan is literally the same 😭 funny asf but also sweet asf. just two small beans I want to put in my pocket and protect forever

ALEX ALBON — @scuderiahoney; lee! I honestly could not pick anyone else for lee. both of them give me warm hug vibes. alex is v much someone that's super supportive and caring and lee is the same! also scrolling through lee's blog makes me think that they're both quite memeable 🤭

MAX VERSTAPPEN — @verstappen-cult; so I haven't really spoken to you yet (I may or may not have freaked when I saw you'd followed me sksksks) but just from scrolling through your blog you give me max vibes - not just because of the user! again I can't explain it, I just get the same feeling from you that I get from max (it's a nice one don't worry!)

PIERRE GASLY — @jackhues; naqia! we haven't talked in dm's but I love scrolling through your blog and catching up on what I've missed! you give me big pierre vibes. just the way you seem so cool and your blog is super aesthetic and chilled!

[dirtangeldean]

writing patterns tag game

friends, mutuals, and followers hiiiiii, ok so i was tagged by three iconic @bucklebunnydean but i only have one completed fic and one wip and a few poems and charts and graphics sooooo. this will just be about but i'm singing like a bird 'bout it now on ao3!

og rules: post the first sentence from your 10 most recently posted fics. (sike, i'm doing 1 fic!)

"Because it is."

The room is empty except for the two of them, but Cas is still vibrating like a rattling water heater in one of the motels Dean and Sam settled into after a bad hunt.

Cas is often left to his thoughts when he is in the Impala with Dean. But Baby is not herself—itself—a "gag order," it's more so that Dean often is parsing through his feelings and Cas is happy to allow him that space.

If The Empty ever cared for comedy, It would find it funny that It was able to accomplish something in 20 minutes for which the Winchesters killed angels, risked their lives, and died multiple times. The Empty had a feeling It was due a surplus in the next millennia so It waited.

Cas is happy, akin to overjoyed. He’s in the passenger seat of Baby, their car with his beloved as the driver. Jack and Sam had decided to try (and succeed) in teleporting back to the bunker to test Jack’s new abilities.

They don’t leave the bunker aside from meal runs for days, but Cas is becoming amazed at how Dean is quite affectionate in public. He’s taken to reaching for Cas at all times like a fish to water. Dean doesn’t seem to be bothered at all when the occasional person looks at them with curiosity or disdain.

Dean realized the other day that he’s finally okay with Cas healing him again, physically. Cas explained what he meant when he said Dean had humanized him.

what i've learned is maybe i should write mysteries. sksksks.

taglist: @cannabiscasgate @becauseofthebowties @cat-peach @deanwinchestergf @envydean @emeraldcas @fellshish @hotgirlcastiel @homosexualslug @inacatastrophicmind @lotshusband @hornystiel

[supercalime]

i heard about the whole jatp drama, and i totally get your worries in that regard 😭 sooo often a show has something great going for itself, just for the creators to fuck up so badly that it's almost unfathomable sksksk (also looking at the umbrella academy season 4 disaster). gotta say that at this point, i think i will leave 911 behind fr if bucktommy aren't together anymore. i am out with one foot simply because i only watch certain storylines while skipping others, some characters haven't interested or excited me in literal years. but i love buck. after so many years of watching him try to find real happiness, and with the show slowly reaching a point where imo it's seriously time to wrap it up very soon, i cannot imagine that they will manage to strike gold the way they did with bucktommy ever again. tommy is the first love interest of buck that they actually tried to integrate into the world and the firefam. tommy got the seal of approval, we see buck seemingly finally reach that point in life he was searching for. making him go through ANOTHER breakup just to introduce ANOTHER love interest, nullifying all that bucktommy has established? there is a limit for how often you can press the reset button, and we have reached it with buck a long time ago. let the man finally have something else to work towards. we need a breath of fresh air in here. i am optimistic about s8, and i will live no matter what happenes, but i think that would be my final straw to disconnect from 911 amd canon buck ngl 🤔 fingers crossed that bucktommy is alive and well because it's got sm potential!! 🙌

Couldn’t agree more bestie!

Tbf my reaction to the jatp bs is on me haha. Everything was more intense in 2020/2021 for obvious reasons so it wasn’t surprising for me to have latched on to a tv show and relying on it for my mental well being. But all that bullshit made me learn to change my mindset and behavior on how to interact with media and fandom, which is to have the bar so low it’s in hell.

Anyway, back to 911. I wouldn’t blame you for stopping to watch the show at any point if it’s not interesting any more. I’m not even a fan of this one. I saw bits and pieces throughout the years as one tends to do with procedurals and didn’t want to have my experience tainted with the fanon ship that shall not be named. In fact, I’ve followed lone star from the beginning and I think I still prefer it over the og.

Now onto buck and his relationships. I completely agree with what you said about hitting the reset button over and over. Procedurals tend to stall instead of committing to a solid change unless they get repetitive and/or write themselves into a corner (which both apply to buck here). So yeah, it would be a disservice to bucks character if he yet again goes through another breakup and the cycle keeps going, specially since tommy was pretty well received as his LI unlike all the other ones that weren’t meant to last from the beginning (Abby, Ali), were the wrong person for him (Taylor) or were forced down our throats (Natalia - there was so much telling and not showing how “right” their relationship was, it’s embarrassing).

So, unless there’s outside factors preventing tommy to come back and stay for good (contracts, conflicting schedules, etc), it makes no sense for bucktommy to not continue on the path they are going.

I want bucktommy to thrive, but I won’t hold my breath waiting just yet. If they are broken up or eventually will break up (which I must emphasize I do not want cause I ship them with all my heart) I might quit the show as well. Buck and Tommy were a breath of fresh air and I would love to see what could happen to them if we are lucky enough to see their romance continue

[kyrraen]

YOUR ART IS SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO AMAZING gosh I’ve been scrolling through it I don’t even know most of these people bc I don’t really follow genshin or honkai star rail (I’m sorry if these are not the characters I just know people on twitter like the boothill fellow) but it’s really amazing every time I see pretty art I get inspired to keep going (I’m baby artist it’s only been 2 months sksksks) so thank you for also being an inspiration for me because your art is really amazing and beautiful

AAAAAAAAHH?!?!!?!! *blushes* This is the first thing I see in the morning and it absolutely made my day!!! I'm beyond happy to know I inspired someone! Tysm for sending this kind message ~ I wish your journey as an artist to be full of inspiration, love and discovery! ♡♡♡

[babybluebex]

I was scrolling through your account and I saw a tag from saying dom follows cigfluencers…that’s a thing!? lmao

cool account/blog!!

YES oh my god, cigfluencers is SO fucking funny, it literally is all pictures of celebrities smoking cigarettes (which isn't funny, but the concept of making a whole instagram page to glorify that is a hysterical choice)

dom following that account is just sksksks i want him to stop doing odd shit

[drabbles-mc]

Tainted

Horacio Carrillo & Steve Murphy

For @narcosfandomdiscord's Day of Music: put your favorite playlist on shuffle and whatever song comes up first, that's your prompt. My song was Unholy Water by John Pearson.

Warnings: 18+, language, angst, murder, events of s2 ep3

Word Count: 3.1k

A/N: The way I dove into this and immediately felt like there were so many different directions to go with it. I wish I could've tackled all of them but alas. I am just one gal sksksk. Hope y'all enjoy Steve's never-ending existential crisis!

Narcos Taglist: @thesandbeneathmytoes @garbinge @winchestershiresauce @sizzlingcloudmentality @panagiasikelia @616wilsons @hauntedforsst @mirabee @buckybarneshairpullingkink @boomclapxox @nessamc @supersanelyromantic @padbrookcottage @mysun-n-stars @raincoffeeandfandoms @justreblogginfics @ashlingnarcos @proceduralpassion @artemiseamoon @cositapreciosa @narcolini @hausofmamadas (If you want to be added to any of my taglists, please let me know!)

Earning Carrillo’s trust had been nothing but an uphill battle. Most days Steve couldn’t tell if it was a battle that he’d lost, or one that he was just destined to fight forever, because whatever was going on it certainly wasn’t winning. It seemed like no matter what he did, it was never the right thing. He wondered how long Javi had to go through this before the two of them built the rapport that they had now. Steve wasn’t so delusional to think that he and Carrillo would ever be as close as the two of them were, but there had to be something that was better than what he was currently going through.

He thought that he had maybe started making some progress, baby steps at best, when Carrillo was shipped off to Spain. Then suddenly all those months of struggle didn’t amount to anything except for a second layer of loss. Steve never thought that he would be in a position where he would be missing Colonel Carrillo, but the man they brought in to replace him had Steve almost wishing to have Carrillo back. Even with his snide comments in Spanish that Steve still hadn’t gotten around to understanding.

“Wildest wishes came true,” Javi said as he walked over to their desks at Carlos Holguín.

Steve looked up, not making the effort to tilt his head upwards, but allowing his eyes to follow Javi as he started to settle in for the day. “Oh, yeah? What are my wildest dreams again?”

Javi pulled the top drawer of his desk open and tossed his keys inside, but didn’t bother to pull out his chair and take a seat. Instead, he leaned forward and placed his palms flat against the top of his desk. “Carrillo’s back.”

Steve’s face scrunched in confusion. His eyes narrowed, brows furrowing as he shook his head. “Bullshit.”

Javi stood upright again. Gesturing towards the door, he said, “Come see for yourself.”

He didn’t make any move to get up until Javi turned and actually started to walk away. Then he shot right up out of his seat to follow suit. As they made their way out of the building, Steve couldn’t help but to wonder if Carrillo coming back was a fast-tracked decision given the state of everything, or if it was something that was just kept from him and Javi. He supposed it didn’t matter much either way, but he still wondered.

Just as the two of them were coming down the steps, Carrillo was stepping up onto the concrete walkway from the other end. Trujillo strode right beside him, the most content that he’d seemed in a long time now that the Colonel was back once more.

Steve was fairly certain it was the first time that Carrillo ever smiled at him with any kind of sincerity. Maybe absence really did make the heart grow fonder—after all, Steve had found himself hoping that the man would come back even though, all those months ago, he just desperately wanted a break from him.

Carrillo, across the board, had never been the kind of man who engaged in half-measures. That was true for his work life, and his personal life, hence his persistent distaste for Steve no matter how hard the agent tried to climb his way onto the list of people Carrillo could tolerate. Carrillo was a man of action, and his time-out in Spain clearly hadn’t dampened that quality in him at all if his coming-home announcement to Pablo said anything.

There was the chance for things to be different the second time around. Steve knew that. He wanted to prove that fact to Carrillo, too. A lot of things were going to change now, and if Steve had any say in it at all, the dynamic between the two of them was going to be one of them. He didn’t know how exactly he was going to go about it, but he was determined to figure out a way.

All of the determination in the world, however, never would’ve had the scantest hint of a chance at softening the blow when he heard Carrillo say, “Peña, you’re with me. Murphy, Jacoby, stay here to guide us.” No matter the months or the progress made, Steve was still just part of the reserve team. He didn’t have anything against Jacoby per se, but he sure as hell didn’t want to be stuck there with him when he could be out in the field actually getting shit done with Javi and Carrillo.

Despite all of that, he did as he was told. He could be a good soldier—play ball, as it were. The right time for him was going to come to be able to prove himself. He just needed to figure out when that right time was. There were brief moments, split seconds when he had enough self-awareness to wonder why he gave such a damn about what Carrillo thought of him. There were plenty of people out there in the world who didn’t like Steve, and he’d never lost sleep over any of them. And yet, here he was.

Javi and Carrillo made it back from their stint out on the streets seemingly unscathed. No one was physically hurt, which was more than they could say for what had been going on all the months prior when police officers were being mowed down like grass making up a lawn. Steve would’ve considered that alone a win, especially combined with the satisfied look on Carrillo’s face when they all got back. And yet the fact remained that they didn’t bring back any of the spotters. That was something Steve almost could have overlooked or rationalized his way through. What was troubling him most, though, was the fact that Javi was trying to avoid him, trying to skirt his way around Steve’s questions. That wasn’t like them.

When Steve asked, “What the fuck happened?” he hadn’t been expecting the response that Javi gave. No half-measures, sure, but this felt like an entirely new level. Steve could also see how it was already weighing so heavily on Javi’s shoulders. If this was going to be their new mode of operations, if the level of intensity was going to be this high, they were both going to have to buckle down and get with the program. And if Javi couldn’t do that, Steve reasoned to himself a little selfishly, then he would step up and pick up the slack. If that’s what it took to finally get on the same playing field as Carrillo, then so be it. He’d make a point to thank Javi’s conscience for it later.

It was late enough that Steve could have and should have gone home, just started the conversation with Carrillo the next day, but sensibility hadn’t ever been his strongest trait. Stubbornness, though, that he had by the boatload. So off he went, making his way to Carrillo’s office.

What Steve didn’t take into account in his decision, though, was that for every ounce of stubbornness that he possessed, Carrillo had one to match. And each of those ounces was coated with a smug veneer to top them all off. Every point that Steve tried to make, Carrillo already had a rebuttal for it. It almost felt like he’d been given a script of everything that Steve was going to say ahead of time so that he could prep his answers. Or maybe Steve was just that predictable to him. Or maybe he just knew Steve that well after dedicating so much time to finding things wrong with him.

The two of them paced in opposite directions around Carrillo’s office, keeping the distance while maintaining eye contact like two predators sizing each other up. One of them already had the upper hand, though, and unfortunately for Steve it still wasn’t him. It didn’t matter that he could make himself tower over Carrillo if he wanted to—the man was still able to hold so many things over his head and out of his reach regardless. It seemed like it brought him the closest thing he’d ever feel to joy to be able to do it.

Carrillo put a stop to their pacing when he paused behind his desk. He set down his glass, opting to lean on his side of the desk instead. His eyes were locked onto Steve, and suddenly they went from two predators, to a predator stalking its prey. Even so, Steve paid no mind to the shift in their dynamics. He wasn’t going to let this go if he could help it.

The two of them spat back and forth the way that they always did. Steve was as indignant as he ever was. “But it’s good for Peña?”

“You’re not Peña.”

“Because I’m a damn gringo.”

“Because I trust him.”

Hearing it spelled out so plainly gave Steve pause. He’d known all this time that that was the underlying issue with the two of them. The trust only went one way. But knowing it and hearing it, having it thrown directly into his face like that, it was completely different. He expected to feel annoyed about it, angry even. What he wasn’t expecting, was the weird pang of hurt that went through him. It wasn’t new information—he didn’t know why it was hitting him the way it was.

He recovered quickly. It wasn’t as though showing any kind of affect would earn him any favors with Carrillo. If anything showing that it bothered him would only solidify to Carrillo that Steve wasn’t cut out for whatever it was that he was planning to do next. He didn’t want that, couldn’t have that.

“Why don’t you try me?” Steve offered when he got his wits back about him again, recovered from the blow that Carrillo had just landed to his ego.

There was the slightest shift in Carrillo’s expression. Intrigue. It wasn’t often that Steve managed to say anything that held Carrillo’s interest, at least not in a positive way. Carrillo still had his doubts, and he made sure to let Steve know that. But it wasn’t outright refusal the way it had been for so long. Painfully slow progress and yet the knot in Steve’s chest finally started to loosen.

He knew that he wasn’t going to get much further than he already had, so he decided to take what could still pass for a win and get the hell out. “So whether this is about protecting me or protecting you, stop icing me out.”

If Carrillo had anything to say to that, Steve didn’t give him the chance to say it. He was turning on his heel and heading out for the night, leaving Carrillo to stew on his unsaid words if there were any, and contemplate what his next move with Steve was going to be, if there was even one to be made.

The next raid landed them two live ones. They’d be taken in for interrogation, a process that Steve was determined to be a part of, now more than ever. He wondered if he’d chipped away enough at the icy wall separating the two of them to at least earn a round-trip ticket in the chopper.

“He thinks he can trust you,” Javi said as he and Steve watched the two men get tossed into the back of the CNP truck.

“Yeah, and he can.”

Javi shook his head, fighting the urge to throw his cigarette out of anger. “That’s not what I mean.”

Carrillo called out to the both of them to follow him. Steve smirked, that same look that always made Javi want to slap the expression clean off his face. “I’m a big boy—I can handle it.” He snubbed out his cigarette and started walking away as he called back to Javi, “Wildest dreams, right?”

Javi shook his head, mumbling curses under his breath that Steve couldn’t hear, and wouldn’t be able to understand even if he was still within earshot anyway. He let Steve get a few strides of a lead before finally following him. It was going to be a long ride back to Carlos Holguín.

When Javi told Carrillo that he had no intention of getting on the chopper, Steve did all but jump at the chance. He managed to sound much more controlled and casual than he felt, and he was thankful for that. He ignored the slight shake of Javi’s head as he and Carrillo both started off towards the helicopter. The two of them fell into stride beside each other, and Steve could feel the way that the Colonel was looking at him. He wasn’t brave enough to look back, but he still caught it in his peripheral. Part of him wondered what Carrillo was thinking about him in that moment, the other part of him didn’t think that he really wanted to know.

The helicopter ride started off quiet. As quiet as helicopter rides could be, anyway. Both Steve and Carrillo had one of the men that they captured sitting beside them on the helicopter. Steve was sitting directly across from Carrillo, but he still couldn’t quite bring himself to look at him for too long. Instead he looked out the side of the helicopter, taking in the seemingly endless expanse of jungle beneath them.

Steve was surprised when the first thing that Carrillo said to the two men was something akin to reassurance. There may have still been plenty of things that Steve didn’t know about Carrillo, but he certainly knew enough to know that in any good cop-bad cop scenario, Carrillo never played the good cop. He let it all unfold without interrupting, though, curious to see where it was going.

Both men staying practically silent when Carrillo pressed them for information was about what Steve had expected. People didn’t typically cave so easily. What he hadn’t been expecting, however, was for Carrillo’s knee-jerk reaction to that to be shoving one of the men clean out of the helicopter and down to the unforgiving greenery below.

Without thinking better of it, Steve moved to try and catch the man before he went over the edge, which would’ve been futile even if he had been sitting closer. It felt like his stomach was dropping just as quickly as the man’s soon-to-be-lifeless body. The air instantly left Steve’s lungs as he stared at the space where the man used to be. He could vaguely register the fact that Carrillo was talking to the one remaining man they had, but none of the words were really clicking. He hadn’t ever considered himself to be squeamish, and it wasn’t as though he had any empathy at all for the narcos or the men who worked for them, but even so this was something he didn’t think he ever could’ve prepared himself for.

Steve heard Carrillo tell Gato that it was his last chance to give them something, which was a nice way of saying it was the man’s last chance to save his own life. He saw how it played out for his cohort only a few moments before. The second that the man snapped back at Carrillo with a pithy remark, Steve couldn’t bring himself to look at the two of them. He stared across at the empty seat where the Colonel had previously been sitting, and tried not to think about the screams that he was about to hear once Carrillo tossed the man out of the helicopter just like his friend before him.

He leaned his head back, shutting his eyes like that would somehow transport him somewhere, anywhere else. It didn’t take long for the screams to fade, drowned out by the sounds of the helicopter. It was only then that Steve forced himself to open his eyes. He didn’t look at the empty bench-space beside him. Instead, he looked over at Carrillo. He expected the Colonel to already be looking at him, or perhaps looking out the helicopter like he could still possibly see the man he’d just pushed out of it. But what he found instead, was Carrillo simply staring at the empty space in front of him.

He was frowning, but Steve could tell that it wasn’t an expression of remorse in any way. At this point, Steve strongly doubted that Carrillo was even capable of that emotion. Steve wanted to say something, but he had no idea what. His mind was so loud and yet simultaneously so empty. He’d been so eager for this, so ready for it, or so he thought. He was so wrapped up in earning a seat at Carrillo’s table that he hadn’t thought about the things he would be part of once he was seated there. For a brief moment he couldn’t help but to wonder if his fate was going to be any better than those of the men Carrillo had just thrown from the chopper.

The annoyed frown on Carrillo’s face only grew deeper as the seconds passed, causing the knot in Steve’s stomach to tighten in response. If this was the road that he was going to keep going down, he doubted that he was going to make it to the other end of it in one piece. He’d lose pieces of himself along the way, whatever hadn’t just been ripped out of him only minutes before. He either had to get smarter or tougher. If neither of those things happened he was just going to be a lamb led to slaughter like so many other people who had died trying to play the same games with the same rules as Carrillo.

“We’ll try again next time,” Carrillo said, finally looking at Steve.

There was no way that he didn’t notice the despondent look on Steve’s face. Steve knew that his response to the statement was going to matter more than what his expression was, so he tried to play his cards right. Clearing his throat, he nodded. “Yeah, next time we’ll get ‘em.”

It might not have been a perfect answer, but it was good enough to get a nod out of Carrillo. Leaning back, Carrillo shut his eyes, like he was going to take a quick power-nap on the way back to Carlos Holguín after killing two men. Resting his hands in his lap he said, “Trial by fire, Agent Murphy. Glad to know I can trust you.”

Steve swallowed hard, eternally grateful that Carrillo couldn’t see the look on his face. Trial by fire was one way to put it. He was finally part of the thing he’d wanted for so long, and yet all he could think was that it was tainted. It wasn’t quite right, like a baptism with unholy water it just didn’t feel the way that it was supposed to. He wondered if that feeling was ever going to go away. He closed his eyes and tried not to think about it.

[thehappiestgolucky]

Look I'll admit I'm not well versed with Monster Hunter. But I do know that cat people make godly looking food and I feel like Hornet and Leon will appreciate that. (especially after leons been roughing It in the wilderness for a while)

THE FELYNE CHEFS!! FELYNE CHEFS MY FUCKING BELOVED

They’re a staple in the Monster Hunter games because, fun fact, those meals are a mechanic! They provide a boost to the hunter before a hunt - example extended health, stamina, more defense, or skills that can stop them from wasting a faint once! It’s a really fun and in world mechanic that doesn’t take away from the game and promotes preparing before a hunt. There has been so many times my arse was saved because I got the right food buffs for the right situation.

Unfortunately, Monster Hunter Stories being a spin off (and a real good one at that) follows more of the traditional RPG levelling and buff structure, so these glorious meals aren’t a mechanic in game and so - no in game felyne chef. BUT that doesn’t mean there aren’t - especially in the hunters town because it’s… a hunters town.

ANYWAY, yes I love these chefs, their food looks glorious and they’re all fun characters too. I’m the pickiest eater alive and yet I’d eat their food in a heartbeat, hell I’m getting hungry even looking at the images. The first one is called Grammeowster Chef and I love her with all my heart she’s just an old granny and her food looks so so so fucking good-

They’re wonderful and I love them and to bring it round to the blorbo run - yes my god Leon and Hornet deserve to have one of their meals. Poor Leon is being dragged through the bush to try and survive for a while and Hornet - when was the last time that girl HAD such a lavish meal? She’s been running on scrap survival mode. I think she wouldn’t even know where to START eating-

I’m keeping this under keep reading because I don’t wanna hijack the ask but sksksk genuinely this is my favourite game franchise ever and I cannot recommend trying the free Stories 2 demo enough. If you’re a fan of Pokemon and can handle the camera and flashiness of the game it’s - it’s so fucking good. It’s what I want Pokemon to be at. No i’m not blatantly promoting it aha 👀💦

[coffeewithcutcaffeine]

I need to know more about Voievod! How long have you been working on it? How do you find the balance between storytelling and providing historical information? I'm about to start reading it, and I'm so interested in the process! Bonus question: do you have any playlist or type of music you associate with it?

Oh my God, thank you so much for dropping this into my in box, loveliest! This really makes my entire day. 🥹❤️ Please, excuse my ramblings if this gets too long sksksk.

First of all, thank you so much for giving my fictional monolith a chance! I appreciate it more than words can say and hope you will find it enjoyable! ❤️ I also do think that it is important to mention that it tackles a lot of dark and gory themes so, please, always check the trigger warnings first — some works are not that heavy, but others might be more explicit and graphic in nature, so never hesitate to skip some of them if you find them uncomfortable.

Now on to your questions!

How long have you been working on it?

Voievod in its current form is actually my third attempt, but I have been playing around with Vlad’s story for nine years now. I started working on my first story in 2015, but that was a blend of Vlad the Voivode and Dracula the Vampire — basically, it focused on how he became a vampire. I eventually abandoned that project because I did not really have patience with it and kept rewriting and re-editing many parts of it, and maybe it was a good thing I did because I gradually came to realisation that his character as a mortal man is so much more interesting than the vampire thing.

I tried to give it another shot in early 2020, this time focusing fully on Vlad as the historical figure. The first wave of COVID granted me a lot of free time, so I tried to use that opportunity to work on the story, as well as catch up on any new information from historical research. I wrote a few drafts but abandoned it again after a few months because I sincerely felt like I did not have enough writing experience to pull it off in a way I would be satisfied with.

I started working on the third and current version in February 2023 — I randomly revisited the old drafts from 2020 and started playing around with them a little, expanding the ideas until I managed to write two pieces I was quite proud of. I approached this with a great deal of respect and fear, then realised that I felt confident enough in my writing to perhaps try again. I think it was a good decision to wait and get enough writing experience before getting back to it because, looking back at my previous attempts, my world-building and characterisation have improved. Still, I am taking this as an opportunity to push myself and let myself grow — and every new piece is quite the lesson as I am often plunging into places I thought I would never dare before.

How do you find the balance between storytelling and providing historical information?

I think the hardest part of working on such a project is the research itself. To depict the historical events as accurately as possible, you have to read anything you can get your hands on and absorb as much as possible. I have loads and loads of files filled with notes on figures, events, culture, etc. not only for one but four separate countries as all of them are crucial for the work. Vlad’s story is even more specific because you really have to separate facts from all the debris and junk of propaganda against him that shaped what was known about him for a long time.

Once you become intimately familiar with the research topic and can swim easily through that sea of information, it is not that hard to find that perfect blend. In fact, having that historical information at your disposal really speeds up the process because you do not have to agonise over the plot — all those events are already there, you just follow them. When it comes to many characters from Voievod, we know what their life was like and what their personalities were, so I follow their lead in that regard. And it is fascinating because real life sometimes writes the most compelling stories.

What balances this out is the freedom other aspects give me. We usually come to know historical figures as legends and larger-than-life beings, and they were undoubtedly extraordinary, but they were people first. I get to breathe that humanity into them by depicting what they think, feel, desire, and fear. I make them make mistakes and laugh. There are also people in their lives that we know little or nothing about, so that gives me a lot of space to create characters from scratch — Cătălina is a perfect example of that, and I love having the opportunity to create such a rich and wonderful character. Ultimately, personal relationships give a lot of space to create dynamics as I please, because we know so very little about the private lives of these people.

Do you have any playlist or type of music you associate with it?

Ahhh, I love this question so much! Here is my opportunity to share my beloved baby lmao. 🤭

I have a “soundtrack” playlist on Spotify, which you can find here. I love visualising scenes and playing them in my head like little video tapes, and the right music helps me grasp the mood and emotion of those moments when writing them. Almost all the tracks are actually tied to specific scenes or works. (One is already published and bears the same name. *wink wink*)

Also, as a bonus (let me brag there for a second), here is a Pinterest board for some of the characters from Voievod. ❤️

[inafieldofdaisies]

For the otp asks!! which I'm still thinking about answers for sksksk

Jacob and Mercedes: 15, 18, 43

John and Sabrina: 4, 24, 30

👀

Questions from this post.

15. Who would sing a love song to the other in the car?

Mer is the one more likely to sing, would it be a love song... doubtful, and if she does, it would be as a joke rather than her pouring her heart out through a song. She has a great singing voice though, and Joseph has made her perform for his flock before, it was the only time Jacob didn't stick around the Compound deciding he's had enough for that day. :D

18. If they were to have matching pyjamas, what would they be?

Let’s face it, chances are those two would never wear matching pjs, if you don’t count Jacob’s undies somehow once or twice matching her sleep set in color. Mer is about neutral colors, lace, satin, bodysuits or straight up sleeping in the nude and stealing his shirt when she’s feeling cold. I can picture her jokingly getting a camo piece to model for him then being like: “You like it? Wear it yourself, Jacob.” and throwing it at his head. Girl has limits, no matter how good she might look in the pattern.

43. What do they like to see each other in?

Jacob likes to pretend he hates the dresses she wears, but he's lowkey into each of them and I feel like he'd be torn between choosing a tactical outfit for her and her usual attire.

If you straight up ask Mer the question, it would go as follows: She'd appear deep in thought, probably send a glance his way for good measure before leaning in and going: "his birthday suit, what else?" with a lil cheeky smile. But on more serious note, she'd have a field day just making him try different clothes for her and do her best to spice up his wardrobe.

4. Who wraps their arms around their partner as they look them in the eyes and compliments them with a goofy smile? Sabrina, not that John needs more ego boosts, but damn if she doesn't do it. :D

24. Who runs their thumb over the other person’s skin to comfort them? Both.

30. Who likes to press their nose against their partner’s neck while smiling? Sabrina.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

do you miss when the fandom was active? I miss your ask nights, they were a lot of fun :)

Sure, sometimes I miss when the twdg fandom was boomin', but for the most part, not really. I'm pretty sure I'm just officially burnt out on fandom shit in general, honestly.

I think back fondly on the days when the episodes were coming out and we had so much to discuss, I did a lot of themed nights every weekend, I met a lot of amazing people, I started streaming on Mixer and Twitch.

But then there was also a lot of bullshit that in hindsight was just... stupid. It was really, really stupid y'all. I have no more patience for arguments with people who can't comprehend "we can politely agree to disagree" and want to fight because??? I dunno???

Some of you who have followed me for a while and still do probably know that I'm currently super into Dragon Age right now, I made a sideblog and everything... and I'm not involved with that fandom at all and I don't think I ever really want to be.

Like... you'd think that with Dragon Age being a game series that deals with a lot more mature content would have a more mature fandom [though to be fair, TWDG is also rated M for mature, yet the fandom is...well, you've seen it] but no sksksks I've lurked in the shadows and dug through a lot of DA tags and it's somehow worse than TWDG ever was. DA has a lot of fantasy politics in it and most characters, especially companions, are morally grey and are 110% problematic in one way or another... like you thought people arguing about Louis and Violet were bad? Let's not get started on the fights that break out over DA romantic interests!

I'm just tired... I don't wanna do big fandom shit anymore. I just wanna find my own little corner to enjoy my things and talk to decent people about a thing we both like.

Anyway, my ranting aside, I'm genuinely happy you enjoyed the theme nights, anon. At the time, I loved doing them. That was back when I was working two jobs and I'd come home every night and answer asks for a couple hours and it was a lot of fun.... but I never want to do another themed night ever again. You want the root of my twdg burnout? It was doing themed nights every weekend and not giving myself breaks when I needed them. Don't get me wrong, I had so much fun with y'all every weekend, but they took soooo much outta me.

I think the thing I miss the most from the more active days of the fandom was when I streamed on Mixer and Twitch, though. I've really wanted to get back into streaming but my internet is actual trash. Dunno why, we haven't figured out how to fix it, but it's spotty and stupid and it would 100% ruin every stream I tried to do soooo until we get that fixed, no Twitch for me. Makes me a sad panda :-[

But anyway, these days I come back to answer the occasional ask or discuss the Clementine comic. Sometimes I post a long post/essay about something twdg related. It's a lot more chill and it works for me.

[highhhfiveee]

good morning!!

hello all (: i’m so sorry for not making my nightly “zZzZzZz” post last night, i literally passed out watching spider-man 2 (2004) [i’d never seen any of the sam raimi spider-mans so my roommate and i have been watching them and they are so interesting sksksks like they’re REALLY rom-coms above everything else 😭 and james franco 🫦 but only physically lmao he sucks]

i’m here now though! i’m at work butttt i just wanted to say that i’m so grateful for all of your support, love, and feedback on my works! it means so much to me to hear how the works are making you all feel, and that you’re loving the depth of the worlds and everything 😭 i know they’re not perfect, but…

not to get too deep and sentimental, for about 2-3 years (especially during covid), i thought i’d never write again. i was in such a deep depression, and my support system had convinced me that my passion had fizzled even though i knew it hadn’t. i couldn’t write, i couldn’t read; it felt like everything i’d loved all my life had slipped through my fingers like sand, and that i’d never be able to grasp it again.

this tumblr has been a part of me grabbing my passion again. i was in school for creative writing because words and telling stories are where i feel most comfortable with myself and my expression. dropping out was a tough decision for a lot of reasons, but seeing this blog blossom beyond anything i could’ve imagined reaffirmed me that everything works out when you choose yourself, your happiness, your dreams!

you all are apart of changing my life, and ironically, i don’t think i’ll ever be able to find the words to express my gratitude. my lore has been altered, and this is something that will impact me forever, so thank you thank you thank you to every single person who’s read, liked, reblogged, commented, sent me a message, asked to be on my taglist, everything!! thank you for everything, i am SO grateful.

i wasn’t expecting the new brothersbestfriend!mike fic to pop off as much as it did tbh 😭 so i’m starting to draft the sequel to mimosa! if i go through with my idea, it’s going to be fucking nuts sksksksk (as are most things i write/think) so please prepare…it’ll be a time, for sure.

also working on the adventures of reader and everyone’s favorite pornstar <3 this next one is gonna be so fucking cute, i’m excited <<<<<:

got some other things in the works too, but nothing i’m saying anything about. you’ll just have to wait and seeeeeee 🤭

okay, okay. very long message from me. i love talking, and i (obviously) love words, but i also love you guys 💜 maybe no post today or this weekend, but i’ll be around of course and i will be writing! next week will be exciting times 🥳

hope everyone is having the best day/night! talk with all of you beautiful seedlings soon 💜 (also, thank you for 900 followers wtf 😭 i have to do something special for 1000 so please send me any suggestions!)