#just my thoughts lol don't attack me
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This newfound idea that Silco took Powder in because she reminded him of Felicia makes me wanna gouge my eyes out. I'm sorry for being harsh, I guess, but I hate that their relationship has been reduced to Silco's past friendship with Jinx's mother. It strips Silco of his complexities, of that uncomfortable, unhealthy side of his relationship with Jinx that is, in my opinion, absolutely essential to their bond because it reflects just how damaged Silco was. He took Powder in because he saw himself in her; a broken, sobbing little girl whose words perfectly paralleled his own: "She is not my sister anymore", "he is not my brother anymore". Silco fostered Jinx's violence because she needed to become what they - Piltover - feared, all the while Jinx weakened him, held his hand as she led him to his demise. Maybe I'm too picky, but I feel like Silco's and Powder's first meeting loses all of its weight if you go down the "he saw Felicia in her" route. Idk
#this could be worded way better but i hope you get what i mean#i'm really passionate abt silco and jinx's relationship and seeing how s2 dealt with that is...#like should i just fucking die. what were his last words for#silco as a whole is such an amazing character. a once in a lifetime antagonist#but season 2 did its best to disrespect him in every way it could and. it worked#a violent revolutionary turned centrist oh i'm gonna fucking die silco get behind me#silco#arcane#jinx#just my thoughts lol don't attack me
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guys please pray for me
#I don't know how to explain what's going on but I'm struggling and don't know how to get a handle on it#I think that there's two issues going on that are probably somewhat intertwined because I'm fixating on them as such#so maybe I need to separate out the one that is stupid and I shouldn't be fixating on it#and then just focus on the other thing as it is and not as a symptom of whatever else#idk but it's so weird and complicated that I just can't figure out how to explain it#and I've gone to my mom over stuff related to this enough lately so I won't again#idk I'm just. maybe I'm having a hard time because I'm so tired. I've been getting up early every day this week#and yet still can't fall asleep earlier so I'm not getting enough sleep I don't think.#I haven't had a break since friday#maybe that's part of it#bc I was fine for a while and then this week I'm fixating on what ifs and my own failures (that are somewhat out of my control#because I... don't know how to capture my thoughts while I'm literally mostly asleep? probably habit when I'm awake lol)#so i think there's a level of spiritual attack making me fixate and also just#tiredness#yeah.#anyway.#prayer request
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just got kissed for the first time in over a decade 😵💫
#no thoughts just 😵💫😵💫😵💫#it was good i think? different than expected#i was expecting like a sweet chaste little peck but he WENT for it lmaoo#the kiss itself idk about bc i've never really been wowed by any kiss bc its always a bit awkward#this was too but probably less than any other kiss ever for me#and i did enjoy it bc of who it was if not for the kiss itself#probably would have enjoyed it more if i wasn't on the verge of a panic attack about it 🤣#but i am an overthinker lol#it was nice though i think#bc i really wanted him to kiss me to i think any kiss would have been nice#anyway going insaneeee#also before we kissed i told him i havent been kissed since i was 15 and he looked like his head was gonna explode which was flattering 😂#and i was worried i wouldn't be any good at it but he was very complimentary 🤣#and followed me out of the car for another one lollll#anyway gonna lose my mind fr#like not to get my hopes up and get all excited super early in a relationship but idk...#it's cornyyy but i've never felt like this tbh#been worried for years that im not capable of love but i dont worry abt that now 🥺#every relationship has been so painfully awkward and empty before now and now im just like oh. this is how it's supposed to feel#ALSO he has been asking me out nearly every time i've seen him for TWO YEARS an it just went over my head 🤡#anyway love makes u stupid that's all i have to say goodnight <3#personal#don't reblog#this has been a shitpost#in the moment it didn't seem like a great kiss but now i cant stop thinking abt it and really want to do it again so it must have been 🤣
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I wish my family could just accept that there are some things I'm too anxious and mentally ill to accomplish in life. No matter how hard I try I can't just "get over it" and "stop being so anxious". I've had doctors treat me like a lost cause and even though it's "sad" isn't it far worse to just push myself to the point of having a mental breakdown?
#topic of graduate school came up again after I'd finally given up hope on it... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#I don't think I can do it and it's okay#but my mom is like#'you're not a kid anymore and you need to get over letting things stress you out so much'#'everything gives you a panic attack'#'just stop it'#????????????????#like... do you really think I'm like this for fun lol#if I could 'just stop' I would#I'm not really enthusiastic about anything and there's no real opportunities in my city#school used to make me panic so much I just don't think I can do it again#and I know people talk about all grad students abusing substances and being mentally ill and suicidal#and I've jokingly thought to myself 'oh so I wouldn't be the most messed up person there after all'#but deep down I know that's kind of a harmful mindset to have#like... I can't get better but I don't want to get worse either y'know?#God I don't even know anymore
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I'm gonna post this hopefully quickly and then go make bracelets to distract myself bc I wanna get it out but not have to come back to it later . And I will be whining about this on main a lot so I might as well give yall some context first
#i got soft fired.#they said it was bc summertime is slow and they dont have the hours for me#but they also said smth about my 3 month evaluation ? which i was not involved in but i felt like it implied something about my performance#but they didn't say it was about my performance not being good enough#and they also didn't say its just bc of the hours but you're a good employee so don't worry about that#they said they still might call me at some point if they have hours for me again#the words fired and let you go were not used#but. i stg they just hired a new froster. idk for sure but i thought they did#and one of the cashiers (the girl i know actually 😐) said she might get trained in frosting this summer#even tho by company policy youre not supposed to work in the kitchen if youre under 18. shes 16#but there was no warning or critiques or anything#there was when i first started#but not for a long time now#the manager gave me one note like 2 or 3 weeks ago and not since and that was the first time in a while#i had a panic attack when i got home#idk what im gonna do and idk what to think or feel about it rn#i just . yea#thats whats going on in my life lol anyway
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Those asks about opinions were from me honestly. But I do feel sorry and bad after the asks. I just felt it also felt patronizing / policing as fandom tended to paint those who like certain characters as predators themselves like Gamma. But thank you for your response and I really did mean in good faith
I appreciate you being forthcoming about those asks being from you. But know that I wasn't being patronizing or policing anyone, these were perspectives I gave after being asked and even in that ask I told that anon that it was my interpretations.
Since it's in good faith then I hope you take the time to reflect on your behaviour. Like, from my perspective on this, it did feel like you were using me as an outlet for the anger you felt at fandom. I don't do what you accused me of and I don't believe in pushing my opinions on characters onto others.
Also, I definitely don't think that liking a predatory character or an otherwise problematic character reflects onto the person? I love many problematic characters! I'm just of the mind that there isn't a reason to sanitize a character's behaviour, which is what I was saying about Gamma. It also just to happens I can't stand him.
I won't repeat myself since I did already suggest just blocking or restructuring your words [or even making a post to vent, if you want] for the next time you feel upset.
#anony#nimo's fantastical replies#practicing mindfulness would be a good thing in this case I think#pausing to really think and consider why you felt so angry that you'd accuse someone of doing something they aren't#and in turn doing what you don't like others doing [policing] would be a good idea#like even if I did believe those things [I don't] I don't understand going into my inbox to shout at me about it?#if we are free to have opinions then live and let live#it's why I think blocking liberally is great! I do it whenever I don't like someone's take or vibe with it lol#but yeah again I think not looking at others in bad faith is a good skill to hone. The internet has become the wild west again#because people are quick to assume bad faith and attack when taking a moment to process your thoughts and feelings or even just blocking#would be better for you. Like I really don't like being upset at people [shocking take!] so in that sense I appreciate you coming here but#yeah food for thought!!
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I see it's thinking about suguru's trauma time!
He thinks of his inner circle at the cult as his family - hangs out with them and takes care of them and tries to keep them safe, and they clearly love him in return.
Do we think he tries so hard to protect them because he couldn't save the family he had at 16? Because he misses the family he had before everything went so horribly wrong? Haibara, Riko; all of them, really - all of them too young to look so beaten down
i saw this when i got home from work last night and CRIED so i had to wait until this morning to answer it AHAHA
i think you're exactly right. he spends the last ten years of his life trying to make up for his failures, perceived or otherwise, when he was still just a child. because that's what he was, really, even if he was treated like a resource and expected to take it like an adult.
he watched a girl he was tasked to protect die before his eyes, he knew her caretaker had been killed, too, and he believed that his best friend had been murdered, without him there to keep him safe. and even though satoru didn't actually die, suguru didn't know that at first. he thought he'd lost nearly everything he had in jujutsu society in just a few minutes. how was he ever supposed to handle that, much less recover from it?
and then hairbara, his underclassman who was endlessly enthusiastic, eager to help people and to make the world a better, safer place, gets brutally killed by a curse he was unequipped to handle, and suguru has no one to turn to to process it. shoko doesn't work in the field; he can't burden nanami with his grief and rage, not while nanami is going through enough having lost his only classmate; and satoru has seemingly left him behind, doesn't need him anymore, has seemingly grown into his title as the strongest living sorcerer. suguru feels helpless and useless, and he's scrambling for something, anything, that will pull him out of the hole he's falling into. so when yuki, intentionally or not, plants the seed in his mind that maybe, just maybe, no non-sorcerers means no more curses, his mind latches onto it. and as a deeply traumatized teenager, seeing two little girls kept in a cage and abused for something outside of their control - sorcerers in a world that doesn't understand them - he sees himself in them, and it's his final straw.
he may not have been able to protect riko and haibara - the first two younger people who really needed him - but he can keep these girls safe. and if he can keep any other sorcerers safe until he achieves his goal of purging the world of what threatens them most, he's going to do it or die trying.
#that's just my thoughts anyways lol#nobody come for me ok i am just Thinking Thoughts!!!#asks answered#fallon's friends#radical roxy#geto#jjk#i'm not tagging it beyond that lmao i don't wanna be attacked by randos who don't agree
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my dad just tried to explain sexism to me and then got mad when i told him not to lol
#boink#i was telling a story abt these guys at work getting on my nerves a bit#we were like washing a bunch of big stuff and anyway im only part time and theyre more in charge#so i figured like they had a plan lol#they did not#which was chill but also a bit frustrating bc i was trying to sort out like a system and a plan#anyway so i ended up trying to like talk through the process and stuff#after which i was worried i was being rude bc you know social anxiety and i was kind of eh overthinking it#not the end of the story i was telling or even the interesting part just like auxiliary info lol#and my dad interrupts and he's like Oh#well that's not rude that's just AAssertive and they could you rude you know i could see them calling you rude you know people say that whe#when youre a woman but not if youre a man but thats just Sexism#and i was like haha ok you dont really have to explain misogyny to me tho#and he straight up /got mad at me/#like That Was Not What I Was Doing You Don't Have To Be All Like That#like my dad has this /face/ he gets when he sort of thinks he's being attacked#it's all chin clenched and eyes narrowed lip curled in disgust etc#anyways i just thought that was funny lol#frustrating to me bc that generally means that unfun interactions will follow#but you know#situationally#pretty funny lol
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ooo yea. ooohhhh yrass. ohhgh hhh yepps. oh yeah
#just me hi#there is nothing going on lol#i'm speedrunning these artf1ght attacks rn though i've made two so far hfhvsaj#/and also i NEED a mctea right Now#did you know that the Big Cup of mcdonalds sweet tea has 100 mg of caffeine in it ?? because i didn't. and i get the jitters from bottled#dr. pepper (66 mg btw)#found out while in a wb with flame and they thought i was going to explode or something fhsfhshdj#but it's been a week since i've had one and reaaally want the Fast Tea#i want to have what it must feel like to be an ant transported from one side of a street to another in my Veins#give me. the caffeine#/how much caffeine's in coffee...#i've been drinking one fourth of 32 fl oz of black coffee 👍#so it's the same amount of liquid but i won't die from ca-#i could die via caffeine if i had 5 mcteas. mmkay#unfortunately i am horribly curious. morbidly‚ even#the only thing stopping me from the worst experiment in my life is the fact my mom will Not buy me 5 mcteas#sigh. you live for today [<- to myself]#oh and also that's a lotta liquid#only two things stopping me! 1) i don't have a mode of transport (i have muney tho) 2) bladder has a cap (pathetic tbh)#oh and maybe my liver#/why am i even plotting this rn fhvshhd#'i want tea [7 min. later] i want to see if i can die by tea' fantastic work me 👍#top ten reasons i don't have a driver's license yet:
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Insecurity is a hell of a drug
#i am just being self conscious about my writing don't mind me lmao#i thought this passed but oh well#i knew this would come up at some point running this blog but it's very not fun#would not recommend#also i am so much better at not taking stuff personally but my god sometimes i am not#and it is one of those times i guess#i think that's lowkey why i haven't touched my wips in days#this has been eating away at my brain#i know this is a hobby and not that serious but ego connected to what i create go brr#i just need to let these feelings pass#i think just touching my wips would help that and there are ways I've thought about improving my writing so let's see how that goes lol#or maybe how i approach my writing would be a better way to put it#i also need to realise that everything isn't going to be for everyone which includes what i put out there and critiques of certain things in#fic are not personal attacks against me specifically lol#it's the leo moon and virgo mars /lh#anyways enough spiralling#rj talks
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nothing is a joke it just looks like it because we're on tumblr
#i actually love you even more than i say i do#i don't know what that means but like just facts#and miss you#so#dw❤️#i'm upset now c':#idk kissing you seems like more than a big enough idea#but you'll freak out so#what do we do?#i can't even wrap my head around the fact that you actually care lol to be honest#idek why#and a lot of things just don't seem real so i just keep getting attacked by thoughts like these every time anything happens#and then think something stupid like maybe you just want me annihilated for yk things fr#but saying things like that all the time would be rude so#sorry idk :D#fish looked amazing everyone looked amazing while i still cared#if you really think i'm being right wing or whatever i don't even know what#now it's you and i wish it was you sooner i don't know what else to say#hey you know what else is funny#the way these people talk about me it's like they genuinely believe i'm not vulnerable in any way at all besides just physical i guess idk#you know these scheming accusations in particular pretty much imply i don't see anyone at all as a person#and can't possibly like anyone or want or need something from them or be scared or hurt by them emotionally#and just get mad at everyone for not worshipping me or something weird like that i don't even know#when i've been a literal walking open wound pretty much for as long as i can remember and just phrase it funny#and don't really talk about it to people who are violent or annoying to me#that's why it seems so absurd to me you know idk how they even get there#it's weird!#anyway love you fr dw about anything fr take your time i guess idk❤️🩹#i'm just like worried you know! what if you just keep seeing these things and they'll just keep feeling more real to you than anything else#like no matter what i do and it's scary af but aside from that yeah i know it's all pretty insane to me too❤️
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hiiii i don't think i've seen you on my dash in a long time but wanted to say i hope you're doing well
hiiiiii ty this is so sweet 💓 i've been doing pretty well, just focusing on getting my new cat acclimated to our house and the dog (queen has conjunctivitis though 💔). for some reason i stopped scrolling tumblr around the time i was having panic attacks that felt like heart attacks and didn't even start again once i was put on propranolol. ptsd brain has been bad recently too but we push through 💪
i haven't been online though and i want to be included and say. you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum(s) where they raised me
#new cat is hard for the trauma in my brain because in my head everything is going to go badly all the time#everything will end in disaster etc etc#idk i've been thinking a lot abt trauma recently bc i have to and i feel like i'm unlocking shit abt myself#and my 2022 brain#bc i did get a new one that year#now i'm like oh well death is after me and everyone i know and love is going to drop dead#for some reason i've also only recently realized that i'm so paranoid abt my dog getting out every single day#bc the day before my dad texted and told us to come see my mom on sept 16th my dog got out#bc someone opened a gate#like. it's trauma babes#but! i think i'm coping fairly well 💗#it's late i'm thinking about a lot lol#tmi and graphic words incoming 🚨🚨🚨 but this all only started after i thought abt someone telling me once#that my trauma wasn't that bad and thinking that i could've just asked them if they've ever seen their mom's internal organs LOL#but then i thought too much abt it and it messed me up. but i can still watch squeex and distract myself so Who Care 💖#did actually have a panic attack in cheesecake factory on my birthday and watching squeex in the car fixed me lol#that clarion is gone now and has been for a while but i think they should blow it up#also i don't drink caffeine anymore it's been like a month
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i'll be here when you're back | 이희승
pairing. lee heeseung x gf!reader
ever since his room was revealed to the world on mbc world, heeseung has not known peace—whether it be from engenes or his very own girlfriend
genre. fluff (they're making out? it's cute)
a/n. it's been months but heeseung's room still gives me the giggles. the title doesn't have anything to do with the fic except that it's the song i was listening to while writing it lol it fits the vibes? (don't ask me what the lyrics are) enjoy x
"what's so funny?" you look up to heeseung turning in his gaming chair, glancing over his shoulder at you with a curious smile, his headphones resting around his neck.
you wave him off, still giggling. "you wouldn't like it."
he cocks his head, standing up. "what do you mean? i always find the stuff you show me funny. we share the same brain cell."
"this is different," you say, scooching over so heeseung can join you on the floor with his back against his bedframe. "no, wait—"
heeseung has your phone in his hands before you can stop him. he swiftly leans back, holding out his arm to keep you away while typing in your password. the phone unlocks to a paused tiktok video of what he immediately recognises as his room.
"why are you watching this?" he glances at you with a sideways grin as you make to grab for your phone again only for him to lean back more and hold his phone above his head. "babe, you're in my room, you don't need to—wait, were you reading the comments again?"
"don't close the app," you plead at his narrowed eyes, practically lying on top of him now that he's fully horizontal. "i don't want to lose my spot in the comments."
heeseung scoffs and shuts off your phone. "it's not that funny, you know."
"oh, but it is."
he lets out a mock gasp. "people making fun of your boyfriend's interior design choices is funny to you? wow, my girlfriend hates me. i knew it."
you snort in his face. "hee, what choices? i saw the video. that singular shoe is not an artistic choice. we both know you've been looking for the other one since march."
he looks to his left, staring at the shoe that's still very much sitting on top of the box it came with. "i wonder if it's having fun and eating well wherever it is in the world," he mumbles wistfully.
you poke his cheek. "can i have my phone back?"
"so you can laugh at me with people on the internet? absolutely not. i'd rather you just make fun of me the old fashioned way—throw tomatoes in my face, pin a note on my back, shove me into a corner and point a finger at me. at least that'll make me feel like i have some dignity left."
you break into laughter. "i would love to, honestly, but the only thing you guys have in the kitchen is ramen. i don't want to break your pretty face with hard noodles, plus it'll probably echo so loud, the neighbours will think there's a shooting ."
"oh, so you're a comedian now," heeseung says in a mockingly sweet tone before his hands attack your sides without warning. you're squirming as uncontrollable giggles take over, leaving you gasping helplessly while begging for him to stop.
finally, he pulls back when you manage to grab his wrists, holding them in place as you catch your breath. his grin softens. "truce?" he asks, voice low and teasing.
you nod, deflating on his chest while he tightens his arm around your waist to keep you close. "you're the worst," you say into the fabric of his sweater.
heeseung chuckles. "says the one giggling for ten minutes straight over comments teasing her boyfriend."
"i wasn't laughing that hard."
"right," he says with a drawling lilt in his voice. "when i heard you through my headphones, i thought, 'which dude is making you laugh like that under my roof?' only to find out it's engenes. it's an even crueler fate, if you ask me."
you shrug one shoulder, looking away nonchalantly when his gaze drops to your lips. "you'd agree if you read them. someone said, 'this gotta be solitary confinement.' you have to admit, that's funny! i have the right to laugh at their brilliance."
he stares at you blankly. "how is this solitary confinement when you're on top of me?"
"i'm not always here," you reply, raising an eyebrow. "someone else said you're evacuation ready. all you have to do is pick up those keyboards over there and walk out."
the slightest twitch in the corner of his lips spurs you on to keep going. "there was another comment saying you put the room in bedroom."
"okay, get off," heeseung says flatly while making no move to push you off. "that one's not even funny."
"maybe not." you glance at all the free space next to you. "but you could get a rug, babe."
he groans, tipping his head back and exposing the smooth stretch of his throat to you. of course, you lean up and press a brief kiss on his adam's apple. he looks down at you, smiling almost shyly before he shakes his head. "you're cute. but we're not having that conversation again."
pouting, you gesture around you. "you always say you don't spend enough time in your room to bother putting anything in it, but admit it—you were happy when we got that bin from daiso."
heeseung snorts and bobs your nose. "yes, i'm the happiest man alive. every day i wake up and i thank god that i have a girlfriend and a rubbish bin."
"see!" you ignore the amused look on his face and lay your head on his chest. the tension in your shoulders melts the moment you hear the familiar beat of his heart against your ear. "think about how much happier you would be when your room no longer looks like belift uses it for enhypen's dance practices."
he chuckles softly while running his fingers through your hair. "i've seen that one. someone commented that my room could fit the backup dancers, too."
you laugh. "it could."
comfortable silence wraps around you like a warm blanket, neither feeling the need to speak. you eventually lift your head to glance at him, lips curving into a smile when you see that his eyes are closed. you lean down and place a delicate kiss on his lips, light and fleeting, but enough to leave him grinning.
you repeat your action, your lips brushing his in the faintest touch only to feel him kiss you back, so gently it seems like a secret. you pull back when you heeseung's tongue traces your lower lip. his eyes flutter open, a silent question mark reflected in his dark eyes when you don't kiss him again. you tilt your head, mischief glinting in your gaze.
"hee?" you say quietly and he blinks up at you with large, doe-like eyes.
"hm?" he looks ridiculously soft and vulnerable lying underneath you like that. it almost has you changing your mind, but you love a good set-up.
"did you know engenes call you bitchless?"
you let out a surprised laugh when he flips you over. in the blink of an eye, he has you pinned beneath him and his lips are on you, peppering your face with tiny pecks, leaving behind a trail of laughter from you.
you try to push him away by the chest, but heeseung is relentless, placing kiss after kiss on your cheeks, the corner of your lips, your forehead, your jaw. you can feel him smile against your skin and you can't help but giggle deliriously. "what are you doing?"
"proving them wrong," he says while nibbling on the sensitive spot behind your ear, working his way down to the curve where your neck and collarbone meet. "obviously."
"obviously," you mumble back, selfishly enjoying the feeling of his lips on you. heeseung slowly lifts you up, somehow moving you onto the bed and laying your head on his pillow. his warm hand slips under your shirt, happy to roam your skin aimlessly while he kisses you dumb. there's nothing but heeseung on your mind, just him and the muffled groans leaving his lips when you pull on his hair while his knee rests between your legs.
then, the door falls open with a bang and you nearly push him off the bed.
"oh my god, sorry!"
heeseung flails, comically wide-eyed, and whips around to yell at whoever's at the door. you look past him to see riki standing with his back to the room, spewing incoherent apologies while his neck flushes bright red.
you pat your boyfriend's shoulder to catch his attention, silently shooting him a look when he frowns at you, lips pulled in a pout. smiling, you peck them one last time before pushing him aside to lie beside you. "riki, you can turn around."
the younger boy does, looking incredibly sheepish. "sorry for barging in. i didn't know y/n was here."
"it's fine," you say reassuringly. "don't worry about it."
"knock next time," heeseung grumbles before he pulls you up to sit beside him with a sigh. "what's up?"
riki rubs the back of his neck. "i'm going to the department store to get some stuff for my room, just wanted to see if you wanted to come along." in a quieter tone he adds, "the others are busy."
"so was i," heeseung mumbles and you smack him upside the head. gently, of course.
"he's going," you say to riki. "can i come with?"
"yeah, of course!" his face brightens up instantly. "i'll order the taxi, meet me downstairs in five!"
"wait, ni-ki—" heeseung hastily jumps up, but the boy has already left and closed the door behind him, leaving him to stare at it like he's just been bereft of every shred of joy and peace he's ever known. he turns to you with an exasperated look on his face. "seriously? to get things for his room? you planned this."
you shake your head, rising to your knees to be more at his eye level while doing a horrible job at suppressing your giggles. "i wish i did, but the joke wrote itself. now go put on some pants. he said downstairs in five."
#lee heeseung x reader#heeseung x reader#lee heeseung x you#lee heeseung x y/n#lee heeseung#lee heeseung fluff#lee heeseung fic#heeseung x you#heeseung x yn#enhypen#enha#enhypen fic#enhypen fanfiction#enhypen fluff
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screaming crying throwing up the girl im datings girlfriend is kind of a transmed thing came up and i feel like maybe she's upset with me which is also true bc i asked her if she was upset with me and she said "only a little" and im. idk. not sure if it's bc she's upset i didn't talk to her about it from the beginning or bc i kind of said her girlfriend had said shitty things. idk it's fine lol she implied i can't consent again and i was upset abt that maybe we're even (not how that works i am kind of panicking)
#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#i called her girlfriend a terf i should not have done that i meant transmed#related but very different#and it took me way too long to realize i wasn't saying what i actually thought / meant#i don't know#freaking out a little lol im pretty sure her actual girlfriend comes over me#esp since she said we're “not there yet” when i said i would want her to be my girlfriend#idk#i feel like i should have just stopped talking#this is why i didn't want to bring this up lol i don't think girl im dating is a transmed and i don't have to fucking like her girlfriend#like we have nothing to do with each other we live in different countries#anyways#ill go have my panic attack in my head instead of in the tags lol#also transmed is a Serious Thing for me like that's one of the things that's an Absolutely Not bc i am very nonbinary#and very exactly what kalvin garrah would call a transtrender#and that man really fucked me up
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This is supposed to be the outfit that "protects" Link from acquiring frostbite pfffttt
Between this top and the mandatory acrylics that come with the new arm, gotta say I'm loving how much Nintendo keeps leaning into GNC Link XD
MINI UPDATE: (Guys, I've already updated this post with the correct info. The "protects" part was supposed to be a joke about how skimpy the outfit was. I didn't realize the outfit gave an attack bonus at first, either. That was it. That was the post. You don't need to keep sending me messages trying to inform me about the frost attack. I know, I promise).
Update I: Just realized they gave him a set of blue acrylics for his left hand
Link really do be out here serving cunt 💅💅✨✨
Update II: Many thanks to the people who pointed out that this outfit gives you a special frost attack when in cold temperature areas, it doesn't actually protect you from the elements. I'll be honest, I am purposely avoiding any guides or walkthroughs for my TotK playthrough (since I'm trying to replicate my BotW experience). When I found the Frostbite Shirt, I was just happy that I finally had a piece of clothing that I thought could protect me from dying of hypothermia (was chugging spicy elixirs like you wouldn't believe) so I didn't notice the attack bonus until a bunch of you pointed it out lol
#radio plays#totk#totk spoilers#tears of the kingdom#totk link#nintendo out here#trying to make us go feral#over more gnc link content#they saw us lose our minds#over vai outfit link#lol and I'm not complaining#idk why the updates i added to the post#aren't showing up for some people#but lol yeah this doesn't protect you from cold temps#just gives you an attack bonus#idk link still looking cunty af to me regardless lol
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prisoner | s.r.
in which you and Spencer conduct a custodial interview with a serial killer - Spencer's first since he was released
margotober masterlist
who? spencer reid x fem!reader category: angst content warnings: post prison reid, fwb but also mutual pining, serial killers, prison, panic attack, chiromancy word count: 3.66k a/n: i originally came up with this idea in 2023 😭 😭 it's about time i finished it lol. definitely suffers from exposition overload but i don't caaaaare.
Fourteen times.
You had asked him fourteen times if he thought he was going to be okay doing the custodial interview. No one else was available to do it, but you still had your reservations. Sending Spencer to a prison felt wrong, even if he wasn’t on the inside of the bars anymore.
Without telling him the reason, Emily elected to send you with him to the facility, she said it was because you had never done one before, but you knew it was deeper than that. “How many victims?” You asked, not taking your eyes off the road as you drove to the destination.
“Eight,” Spencer answered, looking through the case file. The killer had asked for the interview, hoping to be transferred to a minimum-security facility. The odds weren’t good, but you needed to oblige the request even if it wouldn’t prove successful.
You hummed, turning down the road, you pulled up to the security station. Presenting your credentials to the guard, he lifted the gate for you, and you found your reserved parking. “Do you want to take the lead?” You asked him, trying to gauge how he was doing.
Nodding, Spencer got out of the SUV. You shut off the engine and followed suit. “Unless it doesn’t seem like he’s responding to me, I’d rather not present him with someone who fits in with his victim pool.”
“And they say chivalry is dead,” you said sardonically, grabbing your bag from the backseat before locking the car and following Spencer inside.
The two of you went through security, locking up your weapons and going through metal detectors. It wasn’t until you went inside the first gate that you noticed it; Spencer was fiddling with the belt loop of his slacks. “I can feel you staring,” he whispered so only you could hear. You watched his posture relax when the gate buzzed and opened in front of him.
You smiled softly, “I can see you fidgeting,” you responded. At work, the two of you were merely coworkers who knew each other really well, so you couldn’t just reach out and take his hand. Not that you’d want to, in a prison full of serial killers.
“I’ll be fine,” he said, implying that he wasn’t right now. The smile fell off your face as the two of you followed the guard into the warden’s office.
At the sight of you, the warden stood and smiled, “You must be Agents Y/L/N and Reid, thank you for making the trip down here.”
Raising your eyebrows, you reach out your hand for the warden to shake, “He’s Dr. Reid, actually.” You corrected, seeing as Spencer didn’t seem to have noticed.
“Ah, my apologies, Dr. Reid,” he responded kindly, gesturing for the two of you to follow him.
Spencer gently brushed your hand as you followed the warden. It was so subtle that someone else could’ve brushed it off as an accident, but Spencer Reid never did anything without purpose.
“Marshal Lukins is the most prolific killer we’ve had in my time here, we aren’t expecting anything to come of this, but you know as well as I do that we have to humor the psychos,” Warden McCall told you, stopping in front of a gate and calling out for it to be opened.
You raised your eyebrows, deciding against telling the warden that Lukins profiled as a sociopath, not a psychopath. “How’s his behavior been here?”
The warden shrugged, “He won’t be winning any merit badges any time soon, that’s for sure. Spends most of his time in solitary, really.”
“His file said he had gotten into an altercation with another prisoner, what was that about?” Spencer asked.
McCall cleared his throat, “turf war. You know, prison gangs can get rowdy. Especially when they find out the feds are coming.”
You raised your eyebrows, grateful you couldn’t see Spencer’s expression. “Oh, yeah,” he said quietly.
Then you were in front of a serial killer, someone who had been put away years ago, but the way he looked at you sent shivers down your spine. “Marshal Lukins?” You confirmed.
“Why hello, pretty lady,” Lukins responded, rising from the chair. His legs were chained to the ground, but his hands were free.
Behind you, Spencer cleared his throat, “Sit down,” he ordered. Taking a tone of authority that you weren’t sure you’d ever heard from him.
Taking your seat across from Lukins, you looked him in the eyes, “You may call me Agent Y/L/N.”
Your interviewee shrugged, “I’ll call you whatever I want in my mind later.”
Ignoring the hairs that stood up on the back of your neck, you rolled your eyes at the skeevy pervert. “If you want to be transferred, you’re not making a very good first impression,” Spencer intervened, likely aware of your discomfort.
Unfortunately, this wasn’t the first criminal to make a pass at you, and in your line of work, it likely wouldn’t be the last.
“I’m not much worried about first impressions, people usually have a first opinion about me before they even hear my voice,” he responded, leaning back in the chair.
You had to bite your tongue to stop yourself from responding, yeah, that happens when you murder eight women. “What would you rather our opinion of you be? That you’re misunderstood? Did you find god in prison, Marshal?” You asked him.
He leaned over the table ever so slightly, yellowed teeth flashing beneath the fluorescent light that hung above the interrogation table, “Would you like me to show him to you?”
Raising your eyebrows, you maintained a bored disposition while flipping open your files, “No.”
With custodials like this, you weren’t allowed to have photos in your files. Lukins was a sexual sadist, and the profile that Aaron Hotchner had put together was damning, describing the man in front of you to a T. He even got the age correct, right down to the receding hairline. Even though Lukins was in prison, you’d never provide him with visual aids to relive his crimes.
“Why did you request this interview if you weren’t interested in playing nice?” Spencer asked, setting his own files on the table in front of him, but he refrained from opening them. He managed to memorize their contents on the drive from Quantico, enabling him to weaponize his memory.
Lukins put his hands up in mock surrender, “I was hoping they’d send me someone nice to look at, make a good conversation with, and boy am I glad I took that chance.”
Spencer clasped his hands together and set them on the steel table, “Thank you,” he responded, keeping himself stone-faced in the presence of the killer.
“I wasn’t talking to you,” the criminal in front of you snapped, jutting his chin in your direction.
Bored, your partner spoke up again, “Yes, you are,” he corrected. You were unable to communicate with Spencer without tipping off Lukins, so you let him continue, trusting that he knew where he was going with this. “In your trial, you said all of your victims were your sheep,” Spencer recalled from the file, “Is that why you shaved their heads before gutting them?”
Lukins scoffed, bored easily within the confines of the interview, “My sheep were my friends, but every sheep needs a wolf. Isn’t that right, Bo Peep?” He asked you, meeting your gaze despite the fact that Spencer all but told him not to engage with you.
You narrowed your gaze at him, tilting your head innocently, “Would you have let me be one of your sheep?”
He gave you a look that made you feel like you needed a shower, “You would’ve been a nice addition, could’ve rounded out my numbers.”
He reached out a hand, trying to take a piece of your hair between his grimy fingers, but you stood up quickly, stepping back from the table and almost tripping over your chair in response.
A few prison guards came in at the sudden movement, and Spencer had a vice-like grip on Lukins’ wrist, keeping him away from you. Tossing his arm back at him, Spencer glared at the killer, “No touching,” he instructed, looking back at you to check-in. He opened the door to the room, ushering you out before looking at the guards, “I want him in cuffs.”
With a hand on the small of your back, Spencer herded you to the private space that the two of you were expected to inhabit for the day. “Hey,” you spoke to him once the door was shut behind you.
Spencer was filled to the brim with nervous energy, shaking out his hands in an attempt to expel his nerves, “We should just go back to Quantico.” He shook his head, brown curls fanning out around his face, “There’s no way he can tell us anything that will get us to endorse his transfer.”
Watching him like this made your chest ache, and you had no idea what to do with that emotion. Your relationship with Spencer was strictly horizontal—usually—and you found yourself floundering when it came to how to act outside of bed. You wanted to take his hand, desperate to run your fingers over his knuckles and find the familiar callus from where his pencil rests on his finger, but you just couldn’t get yourself to reach out.
You hadn’t known Spencer before he was arrested in Mexico, but you made your mark on him without ever letting him lay his eyes on you. You sent letters to him along with the rest of the team, refraining from talking about cases and instead choosing to use your letters as a personal diary, chronicling your first three months with the Behavioral Analysis Unit with your prison pen pal. Periodically, you put money in his commissary account, despite the rest of the team telling you that you shouldn’t feel inclined to.
Pressing your lips into a thin line, your eyes tracked his pacing in the conference room before you started to voice your concern, “We have to go back in, Reid.” You grabbed a water bottle from the counter and twisted the cap off before handing it to him.
He took the water begrudgingly, glaring at you as he did so, “Why do we have to go back in, exactly?” After taking a sip of the water, he handed it to you so you could have some. You could’ve grabbed your own, but surely this was quicker.
“Lukins said I would’ve rounded out his numbers,” you told him, nervously fiddling with the cap of the water bottle as you waited for him to get it.
Spencer adjusted his tie, pulling the silk fabric further from his neck, “Yeah, I heard him.” It bothered him, the slightest implication that you were endangered in that interview room put him on edge, but all you could do was sit down and watch him.
You sighed, “We only have a record of eight victims. We don’t know what he’s rounding to, but that’s at least two more bodies that we don’t know about.” Lukins could be rounding up to ten, which would be the closest option, or you were looking at the possibility of a considerably higher body count. Your fear was that he would use those additional kills as a bartering tool to get a transfer.
He stopped in his tracks while he processed what you were telling him. Spencer turned to you, lips parted before he nodded, eventually agreeing with you even if it pained him to do so. “We should call Emily and let her know what’s going on,” he told you, taking a seat across from you and placing his head in his hands. “I’m gonna step outside for a second,” he said, getting up just as quickly as he took a seat and swinging the door open, leaving you alone in the conference room.
Holding your tongue, you stopped yourself from voicing your approval, even though you did think some fresh air would be good for him. Instead, you watched the door click shut before fishing your phone out of your pocket, tapping on Emily’s contact before bringing the phone to your ear.
“How’s it going?” Emily asked you as soon as she answered, and you couldn’t help but picture your unit chief waiting by her phone, hoping to hear from you or Spencer.
You sighed, inadvertently cluing her into how the custodial interview was going, “We might have a problem,” you told her. Continuing on to explain what had happened between you and Marshal Lukins, all the way up through your discovery that he might have a higher victim count.
Prentiss clicked her tongue on the other end of the line, “What does Spencer think?”
The question didn’t come as a surprise to you, neither did the fact that her inflection told you that she was sneakily trying to ask you how Spencer was. Wiping your free palm along the fabric of your pants, you leaned against the table, “Reid thinks Lukins is out for blood.” You opened your mouth to continue but were interrupted by an alarm being tripped, your head snapped up as lights started to flash on the walls.
“What’s going on?” Emily questioned you over the phone, but you could barely hear her over the blare of the alarm, a low-pitched buzzing sound that made your brain feel like it was vibrating within your skull.
Clambering to your feet, you grabbed your water bottle and walked out of the room, slamming the door shut behind you as you looked aimlessly around the prison for someone who could offer you an explanation. “I’ve gotta go,” you blurted into the receiver, stuffing your phone in your pocket and making your way to the front of the prison, ignoring the men who shouted at you from behind bars.
You looked down the walkway, watching as the failsafe on the doors was triggered and they slowly started to shut, triggering you to try and make a run for it. “Y/N,” Spencer called out your name, picking up his own pace from the opposite direction.
It didn’t take you long to realize that you weren’t going to make it, skidding to a halt as the bars clicked shut in front of you. You weren’t scared until you watched Spencer pull at the door, frantically trying to slide it open, “Reid,” you said his name, trying to get his attention. “Reid,” you shouted that time, trying to make sure he heard you over the alarm.
He didn’t pause to look at you, he simply continued to pull at the bars.
“Spence,” you said desperately, and that time his eyes snapped to yours. Wide brown eyes bore into yours as you placed one of your hands on his, both of them encircling the bar. “It’s not going to open,” you reminded him. A fact he was well aware of but didn’t want to acknowledge.
Silently, he leaned back into the wall, sliding down the side of it and looking up at the ceiling, pulling at his tie again, this time taking it all the way off. “It’s a lockdown,” he panted helplessly, “They’re in a lockdown.”
You nodded softly, having drawn that conclusion on your own, “It’s okay,” you told him softly, reaching through the bars and taking one of his hands in yours. “You’re alright, Spence,” you continued, your tone bordering on a coo.
He pulled his knees to his chest and slung his free arm over his legs, hugging himself.
It broke your heart to watch him like this. You pointed in the direction he came from, “Look. Hey, you could be free to leave, I’m the one who’s locked in,” you told him, highlighting the fact that the bars were blocking you, but Spencer could make his way back to the entryway.
“Not helping,” he told you, his voice almost a gasp as he tried to regulate his breathing.
Your shoulder’s slumped forward slightly, “I’m sorry. What can I do?”
Spencer just shook his head, squeezing your hand in response when you started sweeping your thumb over his knuckles. You ignored the buzzing of your phone in your pocket as you watched him, completely focused on making sure he was okay before you did anything else.
With your free hand, you grabbed the water bottle that you took from the conference room and slipped it through the bars. “Here, take this,” you murmured, setting it on the ground next to him when he didn’t take the bottle from you.
He visibly relaxed when the alarm stopped going off, but the lights were still flashing, which offered somewhat of an explanation as to why the door hadn’t opened yet.
You fiddled with his hand, opening up his palm and tracing the lines on his hand with your index finger, “Have you ever had your palm read?” You asked him, twisting your head to get a better look at it.
He looked at you, the panicked look in his eyes had subsided, promptly replaced with incredulity, “When have I ever struck you as the kind of person who would get my palm read?”
Shrugging, you slowly traced his love line, “You like Halloween, I thought maybe you’d let your curiosity get the best of you.” Although you supposed if Spencer really wanted to have his palm read, he’d just do it yourself. “When I was in college, my summer job was reading palms in a booth at an amusement park,” you informed him.
Spencer chuckled at your revelation, and the sound made your heart sing, “That is… oddly endearing.”
Nodding, you looked at his hand again, “Chiromancy says men were born with their left hand, and their right is what they accumulate throughout life,” you told him softly, sliding your other hand through the bar.
“Actually, I was born with both of my hands,” Spencer responded, a teasing lilt in his voice.
You rolled your eyes, studying his left hand intently, “You have water hands,” you said, showing him his own palm as if he’d never seen it before.
Spencer raised his eyebrows at you, “Well, now you’re just making things up,” he openly teased you that time, but he didn’t pull his hand away.
Humming, you furrowed your brows and pointed at his hand, “This is your head line,” you explained. “See how it’s long and straight? It sort of tapers off before the end of your palm—that means you tend to think realistically.”
“I could’ve told you that,” he challenged, but his eyes were following along as you pointed at his palm.
You shook your head and sighed, “Here’s your life line,” you said, pointing to a different line and tracing it with your fingertip. “It’s straight and goes down to the edge of your palm, which means you’re cautious about relationships,” you continued softly, leaning your head against one of the bars of the door.
He was silent after that one, briefly taking his bottom lip between his teeth and looking down at his hand. You could tell that even though he didn’t quite believe what you were saying, he was perfectly fine with humoring you.
“This is your fate line,” you told him, entirely expecting to lose him the moment you began discussing fate. “It’s broken down the middle and curved in different directions, and that means you’re prone to a lot of changes in life. Changes influenced by external forces.”
Gently, Spencer pulled his hand away from yours, flexing his hand before looking down at it, “You’ve officially lost me.”
The corner of your mouth quirked up, “I’m surprised you lasted this long.” Just long enough apparently, the doors buzzed soon after, and you withdrew your hands from the slots as the bars slid into a hole in the wall.
Spencer got up first, dusting off his hands before he extended a hand to help you up. Your hand lingered in his for just a moment too long, the exchange oddly intimate for the two of you before his arms dropped to his side, “Thank you,” he murmured, a shy smile on his face.
Shrugging, you crossed your arms in front of your stomach, “There’s nothing to thank, Reid.”
If you didn’t know any better, you’d think that it was disappointment that flashed across his face at your reply.
The warden had rather unceremoniously asked the two of you to leave, citing security concerns and letting you know that he’d be in contact with Emily to reschedule. Emily had called you six times during the lockdown, but you’d texted her once everything was clear.
Which left you heading back to the SUV with Spencer, there were prisoners out in the yard, so he walked on the inside, blocking your body from the view of the inmates. “Are you alright?” You asked him, feeling more free to inquire now that you were in the open air.
He nodded, “I’m fine, I just really wasn’t expecting something like that to happen when I asked Emily to send me on this custodial.”
Your footsteps faltered at his words, “You asked to go on this custodial?”
Spencer frowned, “I was on this case originally ten years ago, so I asked Emily to let me go.”
“And she said yes?” You asked incredulously.
Spencer opened the back door for you to place your bag in, “Not initially, but eventually she realized that I’d be her only option if she wanted to get it done today.” He shut the door and shoved his hands in his pockets, “It’s a lot earlier than I thought we’d be getting back, do you want to stop and get lunch on the way back to Quantico?”
Your eyes went wide and you were grateful that he couldn’t see your expression, “Uh, sure. Why not?”
“Perfect,” he said, “Maybe I can get you to tell me why you avoided reading my love line.”
#criminal minds#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#criminal minds fanfic#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid angst#criminal minds fanfiction#spencer reid x you#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fic#criminal minds fic#criminal minds angst#spencer reid x fem!reader#written by margot#margotober#angstober
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