#just me bitching

[candyheartedchy]

Venting here a little to get it out of my system.

Once in a while I’ll get someone commenting on my old IZ fancomic blog if it’s going to continue or not.

I remember how as much as I use to enjoy working on it, but I haven’t felt motivated to continue it in so long. Like the fandom was draining for me, hence why I ended up leaving. But every so often I’ll have folks either dm’ing me or leaving replies about it and then I feel guilty. Like I want to work on something I enjoy, not be forced because others demanding it. I wish I can just delete that blog for it all together, but with this site always glitching and if I try to delete a sideblog, I can’t take that chance of losing this one too by accident. But it’s just so damn frustrating when people keep asking and demanding more for something that obviously hasn’t been updated in like two years. Like it should be common sense that if someone moved to a different fandom or they haven’t posted about a fandom or character in so long, they probably don’t want it brought up right now or even at all. Like when I get hyper-fixated on a fandom or character, it’s hard to focus on others sometimes. I become obsessed.

I keep thinking of returning back to that comic to continue, hell I even have old pages sketched out ready to ink and color! But the spark isn’t there anymore. And I keep thinking MAYBE I’ll eventually return to it, but with folks always asking if I’m going to continue, it just stresses me out so much and then it feels forced.

[emmg]

Ngl it breaks immersion for me that in the medieval world of Dragon Age everyone goes around saying “okay”

It’s like when you read a period novel and there’s okays peppered throughout

[catladyoftheyr]

I want so badly to be a girl with a clean and pretty room, a skincare routine, and who does her hair and makeup every day and wears cute outfits but I have always felt a little like an outsider or an imposter. Idk if it’s the autism or the depression or what but I’m messy and I have bad skin and I don’t like green smoothies! I like green lipstick and blue hair and I have too many stuffed animals. I’m fat and I wear leggings everyday and sometimes I don’t brush my hair because I got too sad and lazy. I’ve always wanted to be like other girls but I never have been

[menlove]

.

weight talk tw but

Depression Sprummer means I'm losing too much weight as we approach summer 2018/19 depression levels but my main complaint here is it means all my clothes don't fit but I know once the depression is Over my body will cycle back up where it was (which is fine that's how bodies work I'm not upset about it) and so it's not like I can buy new clothes bc like. not only is it a waste of money but then I'll just get upset when they don't fit later and I really like them :/

it Especially Sucks bc it's not even a disordered eating issue it's. literally just depression & I know I'll be fine once my brain like fixes itself in a few months but it's 😐

and idek how concerned I should Be bc I don't weigh myself unless I'm at the doctor so I'm like all I know is my clothes are too big and I'm on the tightest one of my belt notches and I am. Concerned!!! but also the fuck am I gonna do about it except have someone beat the depression out of my brain with a hammer 😭 ik the answer is "force myself to eat anyway" but the problem w that is it's not how depression works and I can't just force myself from laying in bed staring blankly at a screen for hours...... augh.

it'd help if I could get a psych appointment but there's been so many hoops bc of insurance and the way michigan works that it's like. Even More Effort my depressed ass doesn't want to take

[whxlmedwing]

//allergies are killing me and it’s making my lungs act up again. Fuck COVID. I hate that my body never recovered from it and that my lungs never fully developed so while everyone else gets to fully recover I’m stuck like this.

[tiredbitchposts]

Have to do my fucking thesis and now i resent ever starting law school

[silveranimefan]

I can’t get Silk Adorned Jamil or Birthday Idia cards for the life of me. Gacha games really hate me…

[this-world-of-beautiful-monsters]

For a second I somehow thought this was an offer to "live" with the Tumblr CEO, as in share a residence with him, and I thought fuck no, I'd defenestrate the bastard within a week.

(also why the hell is the actual banner flashing? although it is pretty slow, so I'm not sure whether it will affect photosensitive people or not, but still)

[friend-of-giants]

Hate when i find a post that SPEAKS to me, but the OP turned off reblogs. Like please i am begging you, let me share it. That's what this site is for. Why are you here?

[lovemewednesdays]

Every time I have to write an artist statement for something, I feel like it's just "AS A DISABLED PLAYWRIGHT blah blah blah CORRECT REPRESENTATION IS NECESSARY blah blah blah ISOLATION FROM SOCIETY blah blah blah PLEASE ACCEPT ME blah blah blah YOU NEED ME FOR D&I blah blah blah."

Rinse and repeat, ad infinitum.

[hell-litwrites]

I've held on,

Stayed strong.

.

Just one more you said,

But now I've lost count,

It's all red,

And I can't afford the amount.

[badolmen]

People against piracy fail to realize that no, I can’t just ‘buy it.’ They stopped making DVDs and Blu-Rays. They’re barely offering digital copies for download. I am not spending money I could use for food or bills to pay for a subscription service just so I can always have access to a beloved piece of media. Especially not when the service will remove media on a whim without concern for how the loss of access to that piece will make its artistic conservation nigh impossible.

For example, I recently learned that Disney+ had an original film called Crater. It’s scifi, family friendly, and seems cool - I would love to buy it as a holiday gift for my little brother! But: it’s exclusive to D+ and THEY REMOVED IT LITERALLY MONTHS AFTER ITS RELEASE.

The ONLY way I can directly access this film is through piracy. The ONLY available ‘copies’ of this film are hosted on piracy websites. Disney will NEVER release it in theaters, or as something to buy, and it may NEVER return to the streaming service. It will be LOST because we aren’t allowed to purchase it for personal viewing. If I can’t pay to own it, I won’t pay for the privilege of losing it when corporate decides to put it in a vault.

So yes, I’m going to pirate and support piracy.

Edit: if you are able, use $5 you would otherwise use for a streaming subscription to donate to a GazaFunds campaign.

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[catladyoftheyr]

I wish this app would update with a useful feature like letting me react to messages like every other social media platform does but nooooo

[azaraampora]

Man I’m so fucking tired of having mental+physical health problems and being told by everyone around me that everybody feels that way too and “welcome to adulthood” and that everyone is just somehow able to persevere despite it. I complain about how exhausted I am and how idk how I can keep going and everyone else is like “yeah me too” and then I ask them how do you function when you’re so exhausted all the time and they’re like “you just push through” and I’ve started FORCING them to clarify. Like no, tell me HOW you push through dizzy spells every time you get up or down. How do you stop yourself from falling over??? How do you stop yourself from falling asleep at the table??? What do you do to stop your hands from shaking so bad when you NEED to keep them steady for work??? And then all of a sudden they don’t have an answer for that. I WANT answers. TELL ME HOW you drive to work with a fever and avoid crashing. HOW are you able to go out during the day and then remain cognizant at night. What is your secret to not slurring your speech after you’ve been working for 9 hours?? Why does everyone pretend like this is normal? Either something is seriously wrong with me, or everyone on earth is withholding some vital secret to success and refusing to tell me. Well I’m listening! SOMEBODY FUCKING TELL ME HOW !

[thenegativitypit]

Me: Pops onto tumblr during my morning cuppa Tumblr: Intentionally accusatory and inflammatory post that by the end you're still not sure why they're accusing everyone of being Nazis. Giant comment thread is highly incendiary but refuses to clarify. The very next post: Very popular blog receives anonymous ask saying someone they reblogged is a zionist. OP responds saying they'll delete the reblogged post. Comments declare that the person they reblogged in fact has help Gaza stuff all over their blog. No receipts are shown and since the post was deleted it is unclear who is even being talked about.

Yep, that's enough tumblr, I'm good 🫠