#just makes the space so gross feeling and i constantly feel like im being watched

[monstriiss]

.

[kindagayfish]

Hello friend!

Im new to the trigun family after watching Stampede and recently ive been on a Knives kick and i dont see much content about him x reader.

So i was wondering if we could get some headcanons about what would make Knives feel “those gross human feelings” (love, the need to protect,need for affection) for the reader, and how he would tell them or show them?

I just need some knives fluff! Boy needs and hug! If you dont wanna write that, thats totally fine!! Thank you!!

A/N: Knives is SUCH an interesting character and im literally so feral for him. This is very much stream-of-conscious writing and not proofread. It also turned out so much longer than I expected! I legit got so carried away so I hope you enjoy it!!

Also I feel like my thoughts/headcanons for Knives will always be constantly evolving because he's just such a complex character??? And I love it???

Contains: Hints of nsfw thoughts if you squint??, fluff I guess??, can knives even do fluff???, the slowest of slowburns for this man

So we know Knives does know what love feels like…sorta. He loves Vash, and wants to see a future where they can both live their lives without the fear of being used for what they are. However, that means killing every human left on the planet. So it’s a twisted kind of love…but he still cares in his own way.

I don’t think Knives would notice you right away. It won’t be some love-at-first-sight, omg this human was so nice to me thing. It will take A LOT of time. He has completely blocked himself off from anyone because of fear, and fear is an intense driving force.

Perhaps you’re involved in his grand scheme somehow; A scientist in a lab who has taken a special interest in the Plants. At first, you’re focused on finding a more sustainable way for them to be used…but then after witnessing one open itself up, showing a high level of intelligence, you change your studies to find a way for them to live beyond the confines of the glass tanks.

You’re aware of Knives. Aware that he’s what they call an Independent. And you take notes on him, studying any file that isn’t restricted from the ships that once roamed the universe.

Knives becomes aware of you rather quickly. It's hard to ignore the way your eyes follow his every move, jotting down your observations quickly into a notebook that never seems to leave your hands. At first he finds it irritating, having this human stalk him like a shadow. However, it was only when you caught him on a particularly bad day that he finally spoke to you.

"Get OUT." His voice was ice, sending a sharp tendral into your notebook, tearing it from your hands. You let out a pained yelp, though none of the blades touched had you, and ran out of the room.

After he's calmed down, curiosity gets the better of him, and Knives spends the rest of the evening reading through your notes.

The next day it's him that seeks you out. Knives finds you in a lab, placing your in-tact notebook on the table in front of you before stating that some of your observations were incorrect, which causes you to flush with embarrassment. He leaves immediately after, and upon inspecting your notebook, you find that he had crossed out some of your own notes, replacing it with the "correct" information.

Knives begins to tolerate your company. You're not as insufferable as the other humans, and he finds himself quite intrigued by how brave you've gotten around him ever since that day. But he continues to keep himself at a distance….for now.

So anyways as your "relationship" with Knives progresses:

Knives shows his love through acts of service and quality time. He allows you into his space; allows himself to lower his guard and try to understand these strange feelings he gets when around you. Although, again, this takes time.

He'll start to show interest in whatever experiments you're running, quietly observing from a respectable distance. It might even start to feel like you’re the one being studied from how intense his silent stare is (he is 100% memorizing everything about you).

The more time spent with you, the more possessive he becomes of this time...and just you in general.

Knives knows that you have to talk to others in order to do your job, but that doesn't mean he won't glare at them until they walk away. He prides himself on how his presence alone can clear a room so it can just be the two of you.

If you forget to eat, time getting away from you, Knives might sigh and fetch you something. Setting it down directly in front of you and making comments under his breath about how "humans are pathetic" and how you "can't even take care of yourself". You're like a pet, he tells himself...rationalizing why he would go out of his way to make sure you stay healthy.

Physical touch comes much later

Sometimes you'll feel him lean in from behind, gazing over your shoulder to gain a better view of what you're working on. Heat radiates off of his body, but he never brings himself to touch you. Knives finds it amusing at how flustered you get when he does this and likes to test your boundaries as well as his own. He’ll catch himself too often wondering how soft your skin would feel under his fingertips. It’s a disgusting thought, really. (he is so touch starved but will NOT allow himself to indulge in this innocent fantasy because he’s stubborn and has the biggest god complex)

But it eventually happens one evening when you hand him your notebook. All of his senses are ignited, the place where your fingers brushed against his hand burns throughout the night. Knives can't bring himself to admit he likes this feeling, at least not out loud.

Oh but does he crave it.

It's a thrill, an adrenaline rush, and strangely even more fulfilling than the feeling he gets when he takes a human life.

Starts as "accidental". Fingers colliding when reaching for the same thing, the back of his hand brushing against yours as you both walk, standing too close to you so that when you take a step back, you bump into his chest.

Soon he's grabbing your wrist to stop you from doing something stupid, placing a hand on the small of your back to guide you out of a room, even taking your hand in his, frowning at the fresh injury on your skin, but also burning up inside at the fact that his own hand swallows yours completely. That you're just so fragile. So human.

Knives is absolutely obsessed.

[tonberry-yoda]

Denji headcanons because he deserves better

the headcanons at the beginning are for an implied f!reader or at least afab!reader, i just wanted to warn y'all :) but the rest are just goofy

just gonna get this part out of the way

he will stare at your boobs

we already know this

he might also take your bras to just stare at

yes even your underwear im sorry

now that we got perv denji mostly out of the way, lets continue

give him little kisses all the time and he will melt (and slowly it will make him forget about that awful first kiss that we will not talk about here)

you literally make him forget about makima

he is literally in love with you

like cannot take his eyes off of you

he is super appreciative of everything that you do for him, so if you cook for him, he will wolf that down

you are what he dreamed of having his whole life, so actually having you and being able to see you everyday makes him so happy

beware though, this man needs you attention CONSTANTLY

like he will crawl on your lap like a cat just to get you to pet his hair or something

i feel like he would just randomly cry, so please hold him

denji is such a menace, so when you get all chaotic with him, aki's only thought is how he is going to kill the both of you

and dont even get me started on if power joined in

he will eat random shit

like random berries off of trees

please stop him i beg

he is little spoon

please let him be little spoon

he will fall asleep like a baby if you cuddle him

he sucks at videogames, so that's your opportunity to kick his ass fr

he will always ask what's going on in the movie your watching and it makes you just wanna rip his head off, but you tell him anyway because you love him or whatever lmao

he will eat everything in your house

this is your warning

like you will stock up on groceries and find an empty fridge two days later

especially if he brings power over

squish his little cheeks please

take him to an all you can eat buffet and he will eat all he can

he really likes cheesy dates like bowling or going to an arcade. even if he sucks at it, he still wants to go

he will eat anything if it's smothered in cheese. a n y t h i n g

doesnt know how to keep a super tidy space, but it's never outright gross

only sometimes

he does have posters in his room of half naked women

but he will gladly take them down if you ask

he will fall asleep ANYWHERE so be careful

mans will be asleepin the shower if you arent careful

will grab a snake with his bare hands and will ask if he can keep it

this has happened more than once

he will sweetly tells you how much you mean to him though and will never fail to tell you that he really loves you <333

~~~~~

csm masterlist --- pinned post

@tonberry-yoda

[slocumjoe]

some things I love about the companions ���

Ada; is best girl. She's a cool ass robot who gives me glue and doesn't judge me. No, this is not my "transformers prime permanently rewired my brain" bias for robots. At risk of sounding like a 12 year old boy, Assaultatrons are just badass designs. And she's blue!

Cait; is a lot funnier than anyone gives her credit for. Also, weirdly educated? For example, she wonders if Raiders like tunnels as a "Freudian" thing. Few people she'd have met would known about Freud, so she'd have to have gone and read about it herself. Also also, is on Danse's level of romantic sweet talk. Girl makes me swoon.

Codsworth; somehow hates the wasteland more than X6. His wording and tone is very optimistic but you can tell that, underneath his chipper facade, Codsworth is so fucking grossed out by everything he sees. Also, the only two companions he doesn't trust to keep you safe, are Piper and MacCready. Make of that what you will.

Curie; X6-88 (like, 10 years old) calls her unqualified and she (200ish) basically tells him to get the fuck back in the play pen

Danse; Sending his eyebrows to space by showing the smallest amount of care and affection. I'm pretty sure this man would die if someone asked if he was okay.

Deacon; talks a big game about being a liar, and being very good about it, but if you don't read that 'recall code' ASAP, he bugs you about it constantly because he hates lying to you. It's not even that you're being naive, he genuinely hates that he's being trusted when you were supposed to question him.

Dogmeat; my favorite thing about Dogmeat is that I'll spend an hour scrapping all dog houses in Sanctuary, make him a little area in my backyard with a house, food bowl, toys, a rug, and classical music, and he thanks me by getting up on my countertops to sleep, using my antique pie collection as bedding.

Gage; Wears a fake eyepatch and throws hissy fits when my army of sexy chads curbstomps his furries, Nepo babies, and Joker stans. This is entirely wishful thinking and I get why this didn't happen, but I would have liked an option to convince him "Hey, I'm coming back with my army to wipe out all these raiders, but I'll give you a chance to join me or leave since you also seem to hate these chuckleheads." I appreciate his shady convict uncle vibes. I would let him teach Shaun how to cheat at cards.

Hancock; takes mentats to feel "intellectual" when he has the second highest INT of all the companions. Also, his puppy dog eyes. "IM FERAL NOW" as he gets his ass kicked by a legendary god roach

MacCready; dork man. he has more cliche stock line jokes than Deacon. I unironically vibe with his taste in trailers, fucking LOVE leopard print (fake bc we don't fuck with wasteful animal hunting like that). He's a very cozy companion to travel with, for lack of a better description. Like if a thermos of soup was a human.

Nick; Nick is what I imagine Mac would be like as he got older—just a laid-back weirdo who wants whats best for you and will insult you so you understand that. I love his tacky ass agency sign. I wish you could put him in other clothes, because I need him in a bathrobe wielding a cane against my enemies. Just really succumb to the grumpy uncle vibes.

Old Longfellow; reminds me strongly of my old neighbor, an elderly southern gentleman who was a sniper in the military, had a chunky rottie named Baby, and once watched me play Fallout and gave his opinions on the design of the weapons in game. That man is now in Thailand with his girlfriend. I've never traveled with Longfellow but I'm pretty sure its a 1 to 1.

Preston; if you don't take Preston to Quincy, I don't blame you, because oh man, does he not have a great time there! Preston sounds five seconds away from snapping his gun over his knee and going for strangulation in Quincy. King shit.

Piper; I was pretty harsh to Piper but I love her gaslight gatekeep girlboss approach to her life. She's like an adult Junie B Jones. Piper has never had her shit together and is self-medicating with sugar harder than Hancock and Cait do with drugs. She's a cringefail woman. If Bethesda was brave they would have gone with her pixie cut concept.

X6-88; a blank canvas for me to go wild on with the fanon. But I love how he's just an asshole 10 year old murderbot that's scared of heights, thinks Power Armor is so cool he privately fangirls over Danse, is scared of children, and gushes over how awesome the Survivor is to his courser buddies. What a babe.

[foggysirens]

What are your favourite blorbos/ships and how did you get into them?

Ps. Hope you feel better soon :D

ohohohoh this was such a great question and ill have you know it made me so happy to walk around work just thinking about my blorbos and getting to share them 😭

im gonna put a read more because fair warning i have a lot to say ajshsjdhks

OKAY SO first off (and a surprise to no one) luke skywalker is my ultimate blorbo. my special guy. and it’s funny cause i grew up knowing of star wars, watching the movies with my older siblings, but i never really cared about it- it wasn’t until years later i even thought about watching the movies again and it was only because my sister pressured me into watching the mandalorian and i fell in love. and then i decided to rewatch the original trilogy and that was it. the movies just found me at such a perfect spot in my life to really dig into my brain and not let go- it was year two of the pandemic, i had no friend whatsoever and a day to day that just left me feeling dull, ya know? and then all of the sudden there were these old movies about hope. about being able to become more than the sum of your parts. there was luke. luke really just embodies that feeling of hope that i was so without. and i think it’s those set of circumstances and then me just being a big science fiction/space nerd in general really made luke my perfect star wars blorbo. and then add dinluke into that!!! i could go on and on about dinluke (and i have) but fundamentally i think it’s the dynamic of these two powerful people who carry these two, seemingly opposing ideals coming together and finding that they have more in common and more to offer each other than either ever thought they’d receive is just *chefs kiss*

MOVING ON TO katniss everdeen! my first and forever blorbo. i know i don’t hunger games post here a lot but thg and katniss were both really big parts of my development. the hunger games introduced me to fandom and fanfic and katniss introduced me to the mindset of never giving up. no matter when you feel like you already have, you never give up. that small acts of bravery are just as important as big ones. she inspired me to stick up for myself and feel courageous, to shoot a bow and wear my hair in a braid far too often. to look out for those i love with all i can give. i love her strength and her wit and how she is smart and so dumb and young all at the same time. and her and peeta as a couple i think just really set the standard of love to me. like after everything, all the fighting and death, they choose to live for each other. they help each other live for themselves. that you don’t have to be someone else when your with the right person. that you can be vulnerable and ask real or not real?

NEXT IN LINE is mickey milkovich from shameless. i am rotating him around in my mind CONSTANTLY. its safe to say that he was my favourite character on the show and his penchant for crime, swearing and anger really struck a chord with me. he’s a character that feels so much but is rarely given the chance to express it. he’s constantly going against the odds and trying to do what’s right. it may not be right, or legal for that matter, but it’s still what he believes. he’s a character that’s gone through so much pain and suffering and is still able to flip off the world. he gives me the confidence to say fuck you to people who are treating me poorly and smile because i know that the parts of me they judge and think are weak are the parts that make me swing back harder. he’s violent, he’s gross, he’s pathetic and he’s one tough motherfucker and shit if getting to see him get a happy ending, get to be out and to get someone who loves him as he is for all those reasons didn’t make me hope id get that one day too. (DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED OF GALLAVICH. REALLY DONT. ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW IS THEY ARE A GOD TEIR OTP AND NOBODY DOES IT LIKE THEM ALL THE OTHER SHIPS OUT THERE DONT EVEN COME CLOSE)

NOW WE HAVE nadja from what we do in the shadows! what can i say about nadja apart from the fact that she is simply, and always will be, the vibe. i am holding her in my hand and she will bite my palm and then maybe kiss me a bit. i am obsessed with her. she deserves it. but more than that!! nadja is just so unapologetically herself and her ambition and humour are unmatched, but she also has such a sweet soft side that i can’t help but just scream and cry and throw things around my room. she is also a vampire and that is so fucking cool. she’s a leader, she’s a dumbass, she’s going to rip people throats out and honestly? she’s everything i want to be when i grow up. and her and lazlo are just goals. like the speech he gives about not caring about what anyone thought about her when he married her because none of that mattered to him like she did?? dead. im dead.

AND LASTLY a newer blorbo entering the ring- jamie tartt from ted lasso! now, i will gleefully admit i hated jamie through season one and much through season two but holy shit did ted lasso pull off a redemption like nothing ive ever seen before. really and truly, i did not expect to connect with jamie as much as i did. the last season but the character growth and storylines they gave him that shed some light onto why he was the way he was and how they connected so many things in with the earlier seasons that just made you see things in an entirely different way??? like he’s still a cocky prick, but he’s a cocky prick you can’t help but love and cheer for. and the scene where he tells roy that he’s just anxious and tired all the time really fucking hit home for me, even when they did end up playing it off as a bit of a joke, i just felt that moment so deep in my bones and funny little manchester-man jamie earned himself a spot in my brain.

OKAY IM DONE NOW thank you so so much for the ask and i apologize for the behemoth that this post became but GAH i just love my blorbos!! and thank you for the well-wishes! im finally home from work and am feeling better:)

[cat-alyzing]

How does the afterlife work here?

Aaaa yes I needed this. I’ve just been going through the family tree and needed something else to chew on.

So the afterlife. I have many thoughts about it. It’s very Christian, heaven and hell which I don’t really care for? I mean a cat being thrown to permanent starvation all alone (if before po3 atleast) in a gross constantly changing forest. Especially since we’ve seen how the council can be incredibly swayed and unfair. Also the fact there’s literally no chance at redemption even for the cats who were far more innocent than cats like Mapleshade or Brokenstar. And then cats like Ashfur being barely tried to get into paradise while Squirrelflight almost is sent to the DF. It’s just icky to me and very very unfair I don’t care for it. I can’t completely scrap it though. Plus it can be interesting if tweaked a tad.

Onto ATOT’s afterlife. I’m keeping their starry paradise tho im changing its name, and the DF is staying it’s very changed. But I’m adding another place, the between. Cats who are unable to be properly sentenced or haven’t accepted where they themselves should go will be sent to the between (for canon reference Onestar would’ve gone here to reflect).

The Starlit Plane

Similar to canon Starclan the Starlit is a paradise where the clique cats reside in. While it is a reflection of the biomes below them it is not the same and has sections for each proffered place, riverlands, forests, pines, and valleys. To the left of the paradise is a mountain rage that glitters as if made of solid quartz, snow capping the tops making it shine even more. From the mountain a river slices through and goes down until it creates the pool which the starlit cats use to see into and visit the living world. All cases where the council has to weigh where a cat should go is done around the pool, and if agreed that the cat is to go to the starless they are pushed into the pool.

Spirits are much the same except I’m adding a few of my favorite hc’s into them. All spirits have a central star in their pelt and this will be brighter or darker depending on the cats morality, Firestar would have a blazing white one while Leopardstar would have a very dull almost black star. Leaders who have lost lives but not all of them will have a ghostly version of themselves in the Starlit, though it’s lifeless and just lays near the pool until their last soul is completely used up. Whatever caused a cats death is also reflected in their pelt, a wound filled with stars, sickness reflected by herbs around their throat, old age reflected by the cats silver hair bright to show their age.

The Starless Plane

I am changing the DF a lot. It’s a marshy forest instead, the trees dead, thorns everywhere, water so dark it looks as if it could swallow a cat. There is a sun and moon but both are red and the only light they give of feels like the sharp gaze of something watching them, reminding them of their crimes that lead them here. The forest is always in a winter state and the pool on their side is frozen to block off any stray spirits from escaping their realm.

Similarly to my Starlit cats they also have certain features to mark them as dead, though Starless cats are a lot more monstrous. Those who were sentenced here for bloodshed are permanently stained with the blood of their victims, a sickly reminder of what they did. The wounds or reason for their death is similar as well to their starlit counterparts except it’s always open and oozing. But for a more monstrous take the cats will have unnatural features, horns or plants, hooves, fangs, all as ways to push them even further from their starlit foe. While it’s rarely happened cats who have redeemed themselves will keep some of their monstrous features but any open wounds will stitch up.

The Between and Past

The in between is a idea I really like. It is a a seemingly endless space area of water. Lily pads and aquatic plants dotting the surface shift depending on a cats progress in acceptance, blooming when they do. While a cat can wade through the expanse to think if they sink in they’ll fall into their memories. They can relive their mistakes and past over and over until they finally come to a point where they find peace. The between is entirely chosen by a cat and no cat can be sentenced there. To get to it a cat will sink into the pool like they’d be going to the starless but instead they’d wake up in the between.

A cat who is using the pool to travel to the living plane will be stripped of almost all of their features, as the living cannot see them truly for who they are. While some cats can recognize a cat most do not and will just see these mysterious starry figures in their dreams.

[dootdootwriting]

CONGRATS FOR 600+!!! I SAW UR EVENT SO IF I HAVE THE CHANCE, IM TAKING IT

The whole alphabet for Thoma. (Gn reader)

PLEASE dont overwork yourself though. You dont have to do it all if youre tired or something. Thank you and congrats!

600+ writing event

ty for ur request anon!! also you're funny. overwork myself? how could i possibly do that when i'm already avoiding all of my schoolwork? entire alphabet for thoma coming right up! (under the cut for length)

fluff alphabet with thoma; gn reader; no warnings apply

A-Activities (what do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?)

- thoma enjoys pretty much any type of shared activities with you, but ultimately his favorite kind is any that involves food. he'll go on tours of inazuma city with you to find the best places to get ice cream, or he'll buy a whole bunch of food and see what kind of dishes you can make together! nine times out of ten it ends up being really weird and a little gross, but it's fun and he loves spending time with you.

B-Beauty (what do they admire about their s/o? what do they think is beautiful about them?)

- he admires your ambition, your humor, and your own personal flair. he loves the person you are, and almost everything that goes into that, but he specifically loves the unique little traits that make you you.

C-Comfort (how would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?)

- his first instinct is to give you a big hug or rub your back, but only if he knows you're okay with it and that it would actually help. his first goal is to make sure you're okay, and then his second goal is to cheer you up: with bad jokes and kisses, usually

D-Dreams (how do they picture the future with their s/o?)

- thoma isn't super picky with how you two end up in the future, as long as you're together and happy. he wants to grow old with you, ideally, though however you do that will decide itself.

E-Equal (are they the dominant one in the relationship or rather passive?)

- thoma is used to taking the lead in your relationship, but he's not necessarily more dominant or anything - he's just excited to be with you and wants to make sure you're just as happy as he is. your relationship is pretty balanced!

F-Fun (what do they do for fun with their s/o? what's their idea of a fun day out?)

- he loves loves loves going out on walks, especially in the city, and just finding random things that seem fun to do. there are a bunch of people playing cornhole over there, how about you guys join in for a game? they're selling a new kind of hotpot at that restaurant, better give it a try!

G-Gratitude (how grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?)

- he's definitely aware of everything you do for him, and he's also very grateful that you're with him. he makes sure to let you know that every day.

H-Honesty (do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?)

- i think the only time thoma would ever keep something from you on purpose is if it would be somehow dangerous for you to know. other than that, he likes to make sure you're aware of everything you need to be. he likes his privacy like anyone else, but he also values communication.

I-Inspiration (did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?)

- being with you hasn't necessarily changed him (aside from the fact that you two are almost always seen together now) but it's definitely improved his mood a lot, not that it was ever really bad. he also likes to show off more now that you're around...

J-Jealousy (do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?)

- thoma gets jealous relatively easily but is also not one to step in unless it's a situation in which you seem uncomfortable. he trusts you wholeheartedly, which sometimes means he has to keep himself from getting overly worried.

K-Kisses (are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?).

- he's a very good kisser. thoma's kisses are playful and sweet, or alternatively full of reassurance and love. your first kiss was a little rushed and he was a little nervous (not that he'd ever admit that) but he knew it was the right time.

L-Love confession (how would they confess to their s/o?)

- confesses accidentally while watching you do something that's actually pretty normal. you tap him on the shoulder and ask where he wants to go for lunch and he just kinda stares at you and then says "man i love you" and you're like. what. but he plays it off like he TOTALLY MEANT to say that and definitely didn't slip up.

M-Mornings (what's it like waking up with them? do they sleep late or wake up before the sun rises?)

- lazy lazy lazy. thoma knows he has to go to work but why would he do that when you're next to him all curled up into him? he can't just abandon you like that! fortunately the kamisatos are very forgiving, so when he shows up late they don't give him an earful.

N-Nicknames (what do they call their s/o?)

- babe/baby, sunshine, and occasionally sweetheart but usually just to tease you

O-On cloud nine (what are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?)

- when thoma first realizes he's in love with you it hits him like a truck and he has to sit down for a second to process it. after that he hangs around you a lot more often, and it's pretty obvious to anyone watching that he's in love.

P-PDA (how are they with PDA? is it fun to them or are they more reserved with their affection?)

- thoma's comfortable with pda and likes to tease you with it sometimes, unless you're someone who absolutely hates it, in which case he'll settle with handholding. otherwise, he'll give you random light kisses on the cheek or will grab you and pull you into him at random points throughout the day.

Q-Quirk (some random thing they do when they're with you for no reason in particular)

- his nose scrunches when he's trying not to laugh at you, which makes you laugh at him, which makes him laugh at you. congratulations! you have achieved pile of laughter.

R-Romance (how romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?)

- thoma is very romantic and also values friendship with his partner as well. he's sort of a mix between cliché and creative - while he will definitely take you out for a fancy dinner and lend you his jacket, he will also take you out to the lake and push you in or make a date out of who can spot the most dogs on a day out.

S-Support (are they helping their s/o achieve their goals do they believe in them?)

- one hundred percent he believes in you and will do his best to help you achieve any goals you have. ok thats the end of this headcanon i have nothing else to say GHCCN

T-Thrill (do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship or do they prefer certain routine?)

- thoma loves trying new things! he doesn't need things to change constantly (and also that might be very tiring for him) but he does like to switch things up a little.

U-Understanding (how good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?)

- forgot to change it from "good" to "well." WHOOPS. anyway

- thoma is very empathetic, so he's quick to understand how you're feeling, though it'll take him a little longer to understand why it is you're feeling like that. once you explain to him, he knows just what to do, whether it be celebrate with you on a big win or comfort you or give you some space.

V-Value (how important is the relationship to them? What is its worth in comparison to other things in their life?)

- it's SO important to him. having you in his life is one of the most important things to him. he's also been with the kamisatos for a really long time though, so thoma will need a little bit to sort out where his priorities are. rest assured that you're definitely up there.

W-Wild card (a random fluff headcanon?)

- thoma really likes the feeling of you running your fingers through his hair. bonus points if you wash it for him (he'll return the favor)

X-XOXO (Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?)

- if you're ever available for affection, thoma will take advantage of it. he loves being close to you and generally just the feeling of loving and being loved in return, especially when that incorporates physical affection. listen he just really likes being kissed.

Y- Yearning (how will they cope when they are missing their partner?)

- when you're gone thoma will surround himself with things that remind him of you. he'll also occasionally call your name or say things to you absentmindedly before remembering you're not there at present. poor guy... he'll be very happy once you're home.

Z-Zeal (are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind?)

- it depends on the lengths. the worst case scenario for thoma would be if he somehow had to choose between you and his work - that would terrify him, even though there's no way it would ever happen. other than that, since you're way up on his priority list, there's not much that he wouldn't do for you.

[not-me-simping-for-blasty]

some thoughts on what living with bakugou would be like:

-he’s weirdly organized. like he remembers where he put everything every time so if ur ever looking for something, most times he’ll just find it for u and it takes like .2 seconds

-will cook meals a large majority of the time, but if u bake sweets he’s an absolue sucker for them.

-if you’re like reALLY allergic to a certain type of bug or plant,, man’s got his eyes pEELED whenever y’all go somewhere together. like lets say, for example, ur allergic to bees. bakugou is blowing bees up left and right and u look at him and ur “no!! stop!!! bees are endangered!!” ,, he looks u dead in the face, like ur stupid or something and says “yeah. because of me. i’m gonna kill all of them.”

- if u have to get in an argument with somebody over the phone, he wants to hear it. like he’ll ask u to put the phone on speaker and he’ll just make mocking, bitchy faces while the other person is speaking. like,, he lets u fight ur own battles, but he wants to be there bullying the other person mercilessly in the background.

-if he doesnt like a song ur playing, he’ll just skip it. won’t ask, wont look at u, he’ll just skip it. borderline dick move tbh

-gets grumpy if u don’t follow his nightly routine on time, but also wont go to sleep without u. like he’ll just stay up and crab at u until u go to bed with him

-likes when u brush his hair for him. like u’ll be brushing yours, totally by urself fine, and he’ll just look at u and clear his throat until u roll ur eyes and beckon him over

-if u get like a bag of junk food or something,, do nOt leave that shit out, bakugou will finish it 10/10 times. he’ll finish it but then look at u and “why the fuck would u even bring that shit in here, huh? u tryin’ to get me out of shape or somethin?” ,, and u look at him like “idk man maybe just dont eat it then.” ,,, the glARE he gives u in response is muRDEROUS //pls this is quite literally the only area he lacks self control dont remind him\\

-has absolutely no regard for neighbors. he yells a lot and if y’all get noise complaints he just glares and 😡💥at the neighbor until they get scared and leave

-he thinks it’s funny to just subtly move things from time to time. like, for example, lets say plates. ,,, so like, u always keep plates on the left side of a certain cabinet, right?? but if he’s putting dishes away and feeling particularly petulant that day, he’ll just put away the plates on the right side instead. man’s then proceeds to smirk and laugh at u every time u open the wrong side of the cabinent from then on with a “jeez, u rlly are a moron, huh? they’re on the right side, remember?” god he’s annoying

-genuinely enjoys going grocery shopping by himself. like idk he just thinks it’s his quiet, personal time, u kno?? and he enjoys doing super-intense meal prep for the week anyways so he’s gotta make sure he gets the right ingredients

-u just hear muffled screaming from time to time. like u’ll be in the kitchen eating breakfast totally calm, and he’s making the bed and all the sudden just a “jesus fucking christ, swear to fuck im gonna blow up this stupid fuckin’ fitted sheet!” (which honestly??? valid. fuck fitted sheets.)

-if he doesn’t want to hang out with the bakusquad but they’re forcing him he’ll text u something like “I love you.” and then ofc ur like “i love u too. but also, u never just say that to me normally?? is something wrong?” and then total radio silence from him for like 20 mins and u get super worried,, and then he just sends u a video of mina or denki being loud with a “Can you get sick or something? I want to come home.” ,, i- 🧍

- isnt going to want a pet,, but if u have, like, a dog already when u move in with him, then it’s going to become bakugou’s dog. if he’s going to have to have a dog than he’s gonna make sure it likes him more than u

-hates doing laundry. will volunteer to do dishes instead 11/10 times

-he doesn’t sing in the shower but 100% plays the drums on the walls or his own stomach fight me on this

-he hates the smell of nail polish/nail polish remover. so if ur painting ur nails he’ll just walk in the room and walk directly out,, quickest way to get alone time

-speaking of alone time- say bye. u’ll get none of it,,, it’s not that he’s constantly on top of u or like talking to u, he just always sorta ends up in whatever room u are. like a cat, pretty much. like he won’t say anything, but if u get up to do something, he gets up and chooses to move his lounging to somewhere nearby

-he likes to scare the shit out of u. just like, rlly juvenile stuff like hiding around corners just to jump out at u. will just stand there and laugh when u scream, and will never, never apologize

-he gets weirdly worked up about hair?? just hates it, thinks it’s disgusting if he sees a stray hair anywhere. even if its his own. like yes it’s gross ig, but he gets so 🤮 about it

-he does house chores unecessarily loudly. like, u watch him and it seems like he’s doing everything totally normally,, but jesus christ why is it so loud

-gets bitchy around christmas if u decorate without him. he will complain the eNTIRE time if he does have to decorate, but will throw an even bigger fit if u dare to do it without him

-he gets mad if people drive too fast in ur neighborhood/ past ur apartment complex. like, y’all have 0 (zero!) kids, but he’s still up at the window like “Slow the fuck down, asshole! Why the hell doesn’t anyone have any common fuckin’ sense around here? That’s dangerous, you piece of shit!”

-if u sing around the house a lot, it’s the only habit of urs he’ll have absolutely nothing to say about. like it doesn’t even matter if ur a good singer or not, he just likes when he can hear u in the house even if ur not in the same room. he finds it comforting

-bakugou hates having people over to ur place. he thinks of it like his calm-space/safe-haven and it rlly pisses him off when people are there

-on the rare days he doesn’t have to work at all and stays home, mans is a total baby. he just refuses to get up for anything other than bathroom or meals and even then goes straight back to bed. he takes basically a 24 hr nap and expects u to do the same with him he’s so dramatic pls

-will make snarky comments about reality tv shows with u. just the bitchiest shit possible bc he enjoys trash talking as an art form, and absolutely does not care who it’s about

-likes to watch u do skincare stuff. he won’t ask questions and will be borderline offended if u offer some to him, but he just likes to watch u do it. man’s thinks of it as like his personal asmr

-hates online shopping. (pls i have absolutely no explanation for this one i just know its true)

-he has a lot of pride in his house so it’s actually rlly well decorated. like, he would never consent to living somewhere busted, lmaooo, so if u dont kno how to decorate he’ll figure it out for the both of u

-u can always tell if he’s falling asleep bc he constantly does that weird full-body jerk. like the one where it feels like ur falling

[youreacowgirllikeme]

Time Will Tell: Part Three

note: this is for @peppermintschnappss , who requested a part three (read part ONE and TWO here) so here we go, enjoy :)

words: 3k

warnings: swearing, smut

“The jury finds the defendant not guilty of the accused charges.“

Hearing the verdict felt like the biggest weight had just dropped off your shoulders, you were so relieved that you could barely make out the judge dismissing the court over the sound of your pulse hammering in your ears.

You had just won your first case for your new employer, it had been the first client you had dealt with all on your own, a case of alleged tax fraud, and you had nailed it.

With a big smile on your face, you quickly congratulated your client and, after a short talk with the prosecutor, made your way out of the courtroom, a spring in your step.

Just before you reached the door, the sound of a familiar voice behind you made you stop in your tracks.

“You did it, champ.”

Turning around, you came face to face with your colleague, but more importantly, boyfriend, Chris.

You were surprised to see him, and immediately threw your hands around his neck to kiss him, not caring about the fact that you were technically still in the court room.

“Chris, what are you doing here? Did you watch the trial?” You asked after breaking the kiss.

“Of course I did. It was your first one for the firm, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Actually, I’m here to pick you up. We’re celebrating.”

+++

“You did this all by yourself?”

You took in the living room of Chris apartment with wide eyes. He had put up a beautiful dinner table, and there was a delicious smell coming from the kitchen.

“You’re such a sap.” You said, a bit choked up. „Thank you so much, baby. “

“Only for you, superstar.” Chris replied, leaning down to kiss you deeply. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed your body to his. He was warm and solid, and when his hands wandered down to squeeze your ass, dinner wasn’t your top priority anymore.

"Do you think we can maybe re-heat the food later?” You gasped against Chris lips, pulling his shirt out of his trousers to run your hands over his abs.

“Fuck, yes.” he murmured, grabbing your hand and dragging you to the bedroom.

+++

“Oooh here she comes, trying for the outside jump.” Chris exclaimed, before bursting out laughing as you totally missed the hoop.

“Sweetheart, I‘m so sorry, but that was pathetic.”

You flipped him the bird, running to collect the ball and throwing it at Chris with all the force you could manage. He effortlessly caught it and shot it through the hoop like it was nothing.

“Show-off.” you murmured, sitting down on the bench on the side of the basketball court. You were done, Chris had tried to teach you his favorite game for hours now, but you didn’t manage to make any progress. You just weren’t cut out for ball sports.

“Don’t beat yourself up, baby. It took me forever when I first started playing.” Chris said, slumping down next to you and wrapping his arm around your shoulder to pull your close.

“Stop it, im gross and sweaty.” You giggled, trying to push him away, but he just laughed and pressed a kiss to your head. His laugh was your favorite sound in the world, so you stopped wriggling and leaned against his shoulder.

“Who taught you to play like that anyway?” you asked, looking up and noticing a far away look on Chris‘ face.

“My dad did.” He said, his voice oddly quiet now. “It was our favorite activity when I was a teenager.” He paused for a moment, and you decided to wait and let him speak. “For a long time, it basically was our only one. You know, with him being governor and everything, he wasn’t around a lot, or had any free time.”

“I’m sorry, Chris.” you whispered.

“It’s alright.” He dismissed you, still sounding a bit strained. “My big brother stepped up for a lot of stuff, you know. Homework, making sure I didn’t get in trouble, he even helped me with my college applications and everything. He’s an ass most off the time, but I still love him, and I’m grateful for everything he has done for me.” He chuckled. “But he can’t play basketball for shit.”

“Sounds like he and I have something in common then.” You noted, trying not to sound awkward. The topic of Chris’ family was still foreign terrain, you hadn’t met them yet, and had decided to give Chris space and wait for him to bring it up himself. You were also slightly nervous, because there was no way Chris hadn’t told them about you, his college nemesis.

Deciding to change the topic and cheer your boyfriend up, you picked up the ball again.

“Do you still have enough energy for another round, Cuomo?” You asked smugly. “If you’d rather go home and take a nap, just say so, would be totally fine.”

Chris laughed, and snatched the ball right out of your hands with ease. You were happy to see him lighten up.

“Please, as if playing against you would require any energy.”

+++

The topic of Chris childhood didn’t come up for another few weeks, you had noticed that he avoided talking about it and were wise enough not to pressure him.

Everything was going fine until Chris lost a big case for a very high-end client. The man had clearly been guilty, and not even your boyfriend had been able to get him out, despite his talent as an attorney.

It was the talk off the whole firm the next day, Chris hadn’t lost a case in ages, and never such an important one. He had been on edge ever since the trial, but it was what happened in the morning meeting that made him snap.

The reason was Smith, another associate and Chris’ number one opponent for the spot of the next junior partner of the firm. You hated the guy, he was vile and clearly only in it for the money. He couldn’t keep his mouth shut, and started to attack Chris during the morning meeting.

“Great job you did yesterday, Cuomo.” he snarled, his voice sounding through the whole conference room. “I wonder how many clients your incompetence will cost us. People are already talking.”

You could feel Chris going rigid beside you and carefully put your hand on his back in an attempt to calm him.

“Don’t let him get to you.” You whispered “He wants to rile you up.”

When the man continued to speak, you could see Chris’ jaw going tense, which was never a good sign.

“Seriously, boss, Cuomo is a basket case, how is he still working for us after that fuck-up? Oh, wait, I know it, I’m sure daddy pulled some strings for his little boy.”

You couldn’t prevent what was happening next. Chris surged forward with a angry growl, already taking a swing at the guy.

“Shut your fucking mouth!” he hissed, backing Smith up against a wall. He was considerably larger, and the fearful expression on the guys face paired with Chris raised fist made chaos break loose as multiple people were trying to get him away from the smaller man.

“Gentlemen, stop this!” your boss thundered over the agitated voices of your fellow coworkers “Smith, see me right away. I won’t tolerate this kind of behavior. Cuomo, take a walk and then get to work. Come to my office after you’re done tonight.”

Chris gave Smith another deadly stare before storming out of the room. You shot your boss an anxious glance, but he just nodded, signalling you to go after Chris.

You hastily followed your boyfriend, only to see him disappear into his office at the end of the hallway. Carefully, you approached the closed door and entered without knocking.

Chris was slumped in his chair, face buried in his hands. Seeing him like this made you want to go back and punch Smith in his stupid face.

“Hey.” you whispered, gently reaching out to put your hand on Chris shoulder.

He raised his head, and the look of fury and sadness in his eyes almost broke your heart.

"Fuck, I should not have lost control like this back in there.” he said “But this guy has been testing me for so long now, always with the same bullshit.”

He got up from his chair and started pacing around the small room.

“You know how often I’ve heard this crap before, Y/N? That I’m just where I am because of my family name? That my father paved the way for everything I’ve ever succeeded in?”

You swallowed, a churning feeling in your stomach. You knew exactly what he was talking about, because for years you’ve been one of the main people saying just that. You wanted to speak, but Chris interrupted you.

“Those people out there, they know nothing about me. They don’t know how it was to have a father who was absent all the time, to be constantly teased in school. To be ripped out of the life you knew to move to fucking Albany, this stupid one horse town where everyone knew your name, and go to this school full of pricks who all made fun of me and bullied me because of my family. I never asked to be in the fucking spotlight.”

By now, Chris was almost screaming, and there was a kind of emotion in his voice you’ve never heard before, he sounded desperate and sad in a way that made tears well up in your eyes.

“Still, I worked my ass off in that stupid school, and I got into Yale. Only for people to say the exact same shit about me again, and this drags through my whole life, Y/N. I can never get rid of this, I avoided politics and tried to do my own thing here, but everything I’ll ever be to people is the son of the fucking governor, who in their eyes, never worked a day in his life.”

You were frozen to your spot, just watching Chris through a veil of tears. Guilt and dread were clawing in your stomach, it had never occurred to you that all the things you said in the past had not only been far from the thruth, but had also hurt Chris so profoundly. He had always seemed so cool and unfazed during your arguments.

“Chris.” You began. “You’re more to me. You’re a brilliant attorney, the boss has talked about how great you are at the job the second I arrived here and hasn’t stopped since. Smith is jealous because he knows he’ll never reach your level, not as a lawyer and much less as a person. You are kind, and the most intelligent and dedicated man I know. You’re everything I always thought you weren‘t, and that I am one of the people who hurt you this way makes me sick. I cant even begin to tell you how sorry I am for being so shallow.”

You were crying now, tears rolling down your face. Chris looked devastated, hurrying to you to pull you into a tight embrace.

“I’ve forgiven you a long time ago, baby. You’ve been my rock ever since we’ve met again, and that makes up for every silly row we had in college.” He pressed a kiss to your hair, and you sighted, nuzzling your face into his chest, your tears soaking into his dress shirt.

“You probably have to change this.” You whispered, tugging on a wet patch on the fabric.

“I have a spare one in here, don’t worry.” Chris replied, taking your face into his hands to kiss you deeply. “We’re not the people we used to be, Y/N. Don’t beat yourself up, and I’ll try to do the same, promise.”

+++

Soon afterwards, you had to leave to meet up with a client for your current case. You had been running around the whole day without a break, and without hearing anything from Chris.

It was almost eight by now, and you were starting to get worried. Pacing your living room, you were anxiously waiting for Chris to arrive. He had told you to not wait up at the firm but promised to come to your apartment as soon as his talk with the boss was over.

The sign of the bell made you spin around and run to your door, yanking it open. Chris was standing outside your apartment, and the big smile on his face erased your anxiety in a heartbeat.

“You’re looking at a freshly promoted junior partner, sweetheart.” He grinned, and whatever he wanted to say next was interrupted by you throwing yourself at him, wrapping your arms around his neck with a squeal.

“Oh my god, baby, congratulations.” You exclaimed, pressing a kiss to his lips. “Tell me everything!”

Chris followed you into your flat, discarding his suit jacket and letting himself fall onto your couch.

“I still haven’t fully realized what happened.” He began. “I was sure the boss would kick my ass for the way I behaved this morning, maybe even suspend me for a while. But he just told me off really quickly, and then he started talking about how that case I lost was impossible to win anyway, and how good my work has been for the past years. And then he offered me the junior partner position, just like that. I accepted of course.”

He smiled, and there was a mischievous glint in his eyes. “I can’t wait to rub that into Smiths stupid face. One of the paralegals told me he got a big ass whooping by the boss after the meeting this morning.”

"Serves him right, that little asshole.” You replied, before leaning over to kiss Chris again. “I’m so proud of you, you deserve this like no one else. Now that I think about it, how does champagne sound?”

“Wow, so were going to be fancy tonight?” Chris chuckled.

“If you becoming a junior partner doesn’t call for champagne, what does?” you responded, getting up to fetch the drinks from the kitchen.

You handed Chris a glass and clinked your own against his. “To you, Mr. Big Shot lawyer.”

The champagne sent a pleasant, fuzzy feeling through your stomach, and you let your eyes fall on your boyfriend, taking in how good he was looking in the warm light of the room.

“You know, I always had a thing for attorneys.” You murmured, setting down your glass to put your hands on Chris chest.

Chris laughed, and set his glass aside as well, leaning down to whisper in your ear. “Is that so, huh? Well today is your lucky day then, I just got promoted and I’m in the mood to celebrate.”

His hot breath sent a shiver down your spine, and you tilted your head, exposing your neck to Chris, who instantly started kissing and sucking the smooth skin. You moaned softly and started to unbutton Chris shirt with shaking fingers.

“Bedroom?” he asked, and you nodded enthusiastically, taking his hand to pull him to the other room. Both of you quickly shed your clothes before you dropped to your knees in front of Chris, closing your lips around his already hard cock.

“Jesus, Y/N.” he murmured, stroking your hair as you fully took him into your mouth. “So perfect, baby.”

You wrapped you hand around the base of his length, stroking him while moving your head up and down. Suddenly, Chris hand grabbed your hair and softly pushed you away.

“If you keep it up like that, this will be over soon, and I’m not done with you, sweetheart. Get on the bed, baby.”

You quickly complied, laying down on the duvet and looking up at Chris expectantly.

He climbed on top of you and started stroking your inner thighs with his fingers, softly nudging your legs apart.

“I bet youre already wet for me, baby.” He murmured, voice smooth and dark as his fingers dipped between your legs. “I knew it.”

“Chris.” You whined at the feeling of his fingers brushing over your clit. “Fuck me, please.”

“Patience, baby.” Chris replied and continued to tease you, softly circling your bud with increasing pressure until you were sobbing, legs shaking as you fell apart under his touch.

While you were still riding out your climax, Chris slid between your legs and pushed into you. You cried out as he started to move, you were still so sensitive that you could feel yourself already approaching the next orgasm.

“Shit, baby, you’re tight, I’m not gonna last.” Chris grunted, his thrusts were already getting more erratic.

“Let go, baby.” You whispered, your voice breaking as you reached your peak again, pulling Chris with you this time.

+++

Afterwards, you laid next to each other, Chris arm loosely slung around you as you played with a lock of his hair. His blue eyes found yours, and you had to smile, your heart fluttering when he smiled back at you.

“It’s funny.” Chris suddenly said, “So many things happened today, but the only thing I care about right now is that you’re here with me.”

He propped himself up on his elbow to properly look at you.

“I would’ve never thought that this” he gestured between the two of you “could happen.”

“Not in a thousand years.” You agreed, laughing softly.

Chris face got serious, and he reached out to softly stroke your cheek.

“If you want, I’d like to introduce you to my family this weekend, Y/N. You know that I’m a private person and talking about emotions isn’t exactly my strong suit. But you make me really happy, and I want everyone to know.”

“I’d love to meet them.” You whispered, and the smile that took over Chris face made you forget your nervousness.

Everything would be fine.

[cottage-babe]

Bolin x pro-bender!Reader

Masterlist

here... take this bolin headcannon... just take it

i feel like there’s not nearly enough bolin stuff and since i’m almost finished w LOK, i guess ill aid this deficiency :)

also, i just started Book 3, so if theres some things that aren’t right or something, ignore it 

___

Bolin HC (during Book 1/Book 2)

so you guys met at (you guessed it) a pro-bending match

you were an Earthbender for the Ba Sing Se Badgermoles, a widely known team because you guys represented such a big city and you guys were actually kinda good

the Badgermoles were constantly interviewed, put on the covers of magazines, and bombarded by fans. The people loved you and your team

and so the day came where the Badgermoles were put up against the Fire Ferrets

you had heard about this team a lot; how they lost a member of the team, then the Avatar, actual master of the elements, filled in that empty space

it honestly took you so long to process

anyways, your team didn’t get the chance to meet the Fire Ferrets before the match; you just threw on all of your gear and made your way to the play area

you saw the Ferrets and instantly saw Avatar Korra, the only girl on the team

honestly, you couldnt see her well, but she was so pretty

anyways

the battle started and the Badgermoles got the advantage pretty quick

you took out their firebender and was working on the earthbender while the rest of team handled the Avatar

the earthbender put up a huge fight, it was so impressive

he even knocked you back a zone, but you recovered and, with a streak of luck, knocked him straight out of the field

you guys won that round

the next round didn’t go so well

the fire ferrets managed to knock all three of you guys off the platform, resulting in a win and a knock out

this meant that the entire match went to the Fire Ferrets

the other members on your team were annoyed and angry, but you weren’t phased too much

after all, Ba Sing Se treated you all extremely nicely, whether you win or not

so after the game, your team found themselves walking through the Fire Ferret’s locker room so you could leave

after your team mates walked past, you stayed behind and talked to one of the Ferrets, the Earthbender

“Hey, you were really good out there.”

you took off your helmet, just like in the movies, and he swore time slowed

he just stood there, completely frozen with his mouth agape

you raised an eyebrow at his antics and it wasn’t until Avatar Korra slapped him on the back that he came back to

“You- good- were good, uh im- im Bolin.”

you just laughed at Bolin and smiled 

“My names Y/n”

you walked up close to him, noses inches apart

“And next time, we won’t lose.”

he just gulped and nodded him head

you turned and walked out, laughing quietly to yourself

the interaction boosted your mood up exponentially

anyways timeskip to when their looking for the airbenders

you were just chilling in Ba Sing Se in the upper ring

you and your team were given super nice houses since you were the city’s pride and joys

then suddenly, you see Bolin and his brother walking around calling for someone

“Bolin? is that you?”

that boy turned around so fast

he blushed so brightly when he saw you and kinda looked at his brother for help

“well, well, what are the Fire Ferrets doing in my city? you know.. i’ve been dying for a rematch!”

you were only joking of course

you knew that their team had broken up after the year you met Bolin

not that you were keeping tabs on their team

of course

“yeah not right now, we’re looking for someone” his brother said

“oh? need some help?”

it took some time to convince Mako, the brother, but eventually you annoyed him enough to let you join

you were all walking through the upper ring looking for some kid named Kai, but you weren’t really paying attention

you maybe, kinda, might only be there so you could hang out with Bolin

from what you had heard (once again, you definitely weren’t searching for info), Bolin was an outgoing, loud guy

now he was quieter than a mouse

“So, i heard you were making movers now. What, getting tired of being a Pro-Bender?”

“Huh? No. I still play! I’m just doing this until the season starts...”

you were visibly happier after hearing that

you had thought that acting was going to be his permanent thing from now on

but still one thing plagued your mind

“And whats that princess girlfriend of yours gonna think about it? Ginger, I think her name was.”

Spirits you had done wayyyy too much research on this man

to be fair, you didn’t think you’d see him ever again

he blushed and stuttered out something about how they weren’t really dating, how it was a publicity stunt, blah blah

you weren’t really paying attention because after hearing his availability, you decided that today was the day you were gonna make a move on him

if it fails, then you don’t really have much to worry about; he lives in an entirely different city and you would only have to see him once a year

but if it succeeds; ohohohoh you’d finally get to live out your crush

the pros really outweighed the cons right now

so you guys searched for Kai for a while more

you decided that you were going to make some subtle hints toward Bolin

you let your hand brush against his a couple times, but never really looked up to see his reaction

then, you guys found Kai

he was stealing some old guy’s money by... airbending? why does this day just keep getting weirder?

so you guys chase him down an the streets and eventually follow him onto a train

unfortunately, he tricks you and sends you guys all the way to the lower ring 

you used to live here when you were younger, before you became a Pro-Bender, and it wasn’t a nice place

only now, it seemed to have gotten worse

all of you tried to find a way to get on a train back to the upper ring, but none of you had your passports or any money

if only you hadn’t left your house in such a hurry

you even tried to pull the “im a Pro-Bender!” card, but it didnt work

so you guys stayed on the streets for the day

Bolin was really trying to lighten the situation up, but it wasn’t really working 

“C’mon guys! Korra will realize that we’re gone and then come rescue us! I know it!”

she did not come

eventually, they had to find a place to sleep and no where was letting the stay for free

so they found a place in an alley and slept on the floor

yup, the dirty floor

you were not used to this

you almost wanted to stay up for the whole night to avoid sleeping on the ground, but Bolin assured her that it wasn’t as bad as it seemed

it was

“mmm here! you can use my jacket.”

he took off his jacket and laied it out on the floor neatly before gesturing for you to lay there

you hesitated for a second before sitting, not really putting up much of a fight because of how tired you were

Mako was already asleep somewhere across the alley and Bolin began gathering up some papers to use as blanket

then he found a spot somewhere away from you and started to settle down

“hey Bolin? do you maybe wanna share the jacket?”

he looked up so quickly and even the soft light from the lamp post caught his blush

“uhh sure”

and so he came over and laid halfway on the jacket so that you could take up most of it

he even offered you some of his picked up trash to use as a blanket, but you grimaced at the grossness and shook your head

you turned away from him, not wanting to be too overwhelmed by his proximity, so you didn’t notice that Bolin was staring at you

before you could completely fall asleep, a cool breeze burst threw the alley way and you began to shiver

maybe you should’ve accepted his paper

“hey Y/n you awake?”

since you were currently bouncing between consciousness, you decided not to answer

you feel him scoot closer

“okay please dont be mad at me when you wake up”

then you felt his arm cover your cold skin and warm you instantly

Spirits, he should be a firebender with how warm he was

you scooted back to meet his chest and let him envelope you

you fell asleep so quick

both of you woke up to Mako above you speaking loudly

“hey lovebirds, wake up”

since you already know of the position you were in, you didn’t really jump back with the surprise that Bolin had

“S-Sorry Y/n! You just looked so cold last night that I-” 

“its fine Bolin” you smiled at him “and thank you”

spirits he was so cute

and so you guys went on with the day, thinking about stealing food, then meeting their long lost family

it was such a nice reunion

they talked a bit about their family history, but since you felt out of place, you settled for playing with the babies on the floor

you bended little toys out of rocks and watched as some tried the same

it was so cute

meanwhile, Bolin was having a little dilemma

he and Mako had just finished having a heartfelt conversation with his Grandma and now he walks out here to see you playing with little babies and laughing with them

you were just so cute

“you know she likes you too right?”

“huh?! what- staring? im not staring.”

Mako just sighed because wow his baby brother is so dumb

“just talk to her before we leave Ba Sing Se”

and so they got their passports and left to the Upper Ring

you were so excited to go back home and sleep in a real bed

but you had one more thing to do before all of that

“So uh Bolin”

“So uh Y/n”

you guys spoke at the same time

“Oh! you can go first”

once again at the same time

“listen Y/n, I think you’re really pretty and super strong, like you could beat me up if you wanted to and i think thats really cool.” *cue your confused stare* “um anyways what I meant to say was, I think I’m about to fight the queen of Ba Sing Se and if I make it out alive, do you think we could hang out? like just us two?”

you decided to ignore some parts of what he said because umm you can only handle so many things at once

you settled for kissing his cheek and confessing too

you went back home so excited

even tho your crush was about to commit treason <3

aww the two of you are so cute I can’t

[thiswasinevitableid]

7. Leshen Indruck your choice of rating!

Here you go! I went with SFW

It’s old wisdom that humans fear that which they do not understand. 

Indrid really hoped he would never learn the truth of that wisdom the hard way, but here he is. One misplaced attempt at aiding someone using his foresight and he’s been caught, blindfolded, and dumped in the middle of the vast Monongahela Forest. 

He just wanted to help. 

His foresight renders him less fearful than he’d otherwise be; he’ll be able to see threats coming and locate the resources he needs. If he takes his time, he might be able to use his visions to locate the nearest (friendly) village. And, like anyone who grew up near the woods, he knows how to hunt, fish, and forage. For someone who’s been left to die, he’s rather confident. 

Still, it sting a little.

After a few moments of rightfully-earned self-pity, he buttons up his coat and starts the slow, halting journey towards safety. 

Two days later, he’s pushing his way through branches and miserably pointing out to himself again and again that a town where everyone grew up with basic forest survival skills would exile one of their own somewhere that required high-level survival skills. 

The topography and scenery is so disorienting that he may have better luck if he covered his eyes, spun around ten times, and chose his path from there. It’s a dense landscape of deep greens and browns with splashes of bright color that he’d no doubt enjoy were he not constantly snagging on branches or catching his toes on roots. 

Worse, he’s had no luck catching food, and cannot for the life of him locate water. The fact it rained last night is the only reason he’s not dangerously dehydrated.

A sharp, high chirp draws his eye to the foot of a tree. Flapping sparsely feathered wings, a baby bird hops through the mud, her nest visible but unreachable. A meager meal, but a meal nonetheless. 

Indrid scoops her into his palms, clambers into the lowest crook of the tree, and sets her back among her siblings. 

His stomach chastises him the rest of the day, though the rest of his body rejoices when he finds a hollow in the base of a tree large enough for him to shelter within. From within the trunk, he spies vine sprawling across the ground, berries glinting in the light rain. Deep purple, meaning they’re Brambleberries. 

The handful he shoves into his mouth brings tears to his eyes, even though they’re not the ripest. How else do you explain the bitterness chasing the sweetness down his throat. 

Wait. Brambleberries don’t go purple until mid-summer. This is early spring. Which means those were-

“Chokeberries.” He curses himself, darting outside the tree once more, finger down his throat until his meal comes back up. Maybe he was fast enough.

His throat tightens in a prelude to closing. Sinking to his knees, gasping for air, he swears the ground vibrates with heavy steps. His eyes flutter close as he falls forward. As darkness slips over his eyes, he thinks it’s taking him a long time to hit the ground. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Bitter metal on his tongue. 

“Nnnnf” Eyes still shut, he pushes at whatever is holding the spoon and it’s vile contents in his mouth. 

“None of that. You’re gonna need two more doses of this before that Chokeberry is outta your system, and they were hard enough to get into you when you were passed out. Swallow.”

He swallows.

A large hand pats his head, “There we go. I know, shit’s gross, but if you were fool enough to eat those berries, might stun some sense into you.”

Indrid sits up, rubbing his eyes, “I was delirious with hunger, forgive me for not remembering the exact seasons of fruits. Did you heal me only to insult me or-” his visions flicker back full force, revealing his host before he opens his eyes. He scrambles back, but instead of a wall or an edge he just finds a vast expanse of bed. 

Watching him with an amused set to his lips is a man three heads taller and much bulkier than Indrid, dark hair streaked with grey-green moss, eyes the dark green of pine needles, and nails like treebark. He crosses arms tattooed with green, gold, and bronze swirls, waiting for Indrid to collect himself. 

“A Leshen.”

“Yep.”

“Are...are you going to eat me?”

“What? No, I’m not gonna fuckin eat you. I don’t know which of my kind chowed down on humans but if I ever find out I’m gonna give ‘im a piece of my mind. Ain’t great to have people thinkin I’m a man-eater when the worst I done is throw a tree at someone.”

“That is still very alarming.”

The Leshen shrugs “I’m a forest guardian; I’m gonna guard.”

Indrid studies him, wary, drawing the covers up his chest without noticing. 

“Look” the Leshen sighs, “I ain’t tryin to scare you. Hell, made myself the smallest I can so I could be all comfortin. Noticed you in the woods earlier today and kept an eye on you, since humans-”

“Don’t often come here, yes, I am aware. I was extremely, forcibly exiled into your part of the woods.”

Green eyes blink, “Huh. Well, point is it didn’t seem right to leave you there to die, so I brought you here. Chokeberry is real easy to undo, assumin you got the right herbs.” 

“Thank you.” He doesn’t know what else to say. His foresight tells him the Leshens promise of no harm is true, but there are so many timelines for what he could say and how his host could respond that he freezes. 

“You’re welcome. You got a name?”

“Indrid.”

“You oughta rest up more, Indrid. I’ll be back with the next dose in a bit.” His host steps out to the hall.

“Wait, do I, ah, get to know your name?”

“Duck.”

He snickers, replies to the raised eyebrow with, “Apologies, I expected something tree-related.”

Duck smiles, “It’s a nickname.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What’s your plan?” Duck asks from across the breakfast table. The morning found Indrid well enough to walk and to eat without feeling ill, so he’s been perching awkwardly on a chair that’s too big for him as the Leshen makes plates of toast and eggs that don't come from any bird Indrid is familiar with. 

“I, ah, I don’t really have one other than ‘avoid going home’.”

“You were just gonna wander around until you found a village? I hate to tell you this, but there ain’t one for at least fifty miles, and I’m guessin that’s the one you came from. They must’ve used and enter to navigate here, because this part of the woods is hostile to travel by design.”

“Yours?” Indrid sips his tea, face to hide his distaste for its bitterness. 

“Yep.” Duck slides a jar over to him, it’s copper lid revealing sugar cubes within, “Don’t much feel like runnin into humans every damn day, and it means that even as y’all sprawl out more and more, there are parts of this wood that stay wild.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, but it does little to improve my situation. Unless…” he bites his lip. 

“Unless?”

“Unless I could stay here. I’m not bad company, and I have some skills which could-”

“No” Duck shakes his head, “savin you is one thing, takin you on as a roommate is all whole other kettle of fish.”

“Ah. Right. Of course.” He sips his tea, reflection crestfallen. Maybe he’ll just finish this and then go back to sleep. 

Duck sighs, expression one of someone who already regrets the offer he’s about to make, “You can stay here for a month. After that, I’ll get you as close to a safe village as I can, and you’re on your own. Deal?”

Indrid grins, appetite returning in full, “Deal.”

-------------------------------------------------------------

Duck has a good guess as to what’s making all the scratching and clanging in his kitchen, but it’s still a surprise to see Indrid moving from counters to chairs doubling as stools to tend a pot that he can barely peer into.

The human’s gotten nimble over the last week and a half, thanks to his routine attempts to help Duck around the house. Everything is scaled to Duck’s smallest possible form, but that still leaves Indrid at a disadvantage. 

He’d be more inclined to help him if it wasn’t so obvious that his help is a ploy to convince Duck to let him stay. Look, he feels bad for the guy, but humans don’t have a great track record with his kind and he generally likes his peace and quiet out in the woods. He also notices that, left to his own devices, Indrid is messy. The area around the couch he uses as a bed is strewn drawings and unfolded clothes that Duck conjured up. Which means this is about Ducks favor, not a commitment to household cleanliness. 

That’s not to say having Indrid around has been unpleasant; the human is good company but also understands Ducks' need for space. He’s odd, and even though the foresight was the given reason, Duck suspects his fellow villagers would have found reason to exile him regardless. Indrid even said that living with Duck was the happiest he’d felt in some time. That wasn’t a ploy; Indrid is prone to saying unnerving statements without registering them. Thorns pricked Duck’s heart when he heard it and, that night, when Indrid fell asleep on the bed during their conversation about deer, he didn’t move him. Just brushed the white hair from his eyes and laid down a respectful distance away. 

“Oh! We’re in the timeline when you’re early.” Indrid waves distractedly as he wrestles open a jar, “I checked on you during the day through my visions and it looked as though you got drenched, so I thought something warm was in order.”

He’s smiling, and Duck’s gaze lingers long enough to see there’s no trickery in it. Yeah, being a forest spirit means storms are refreshing more than freezing, but the one today was so relentless he felt like it was eroding him away. 

“Thanks, Indrid. I’ll join you in a sec.”

The next morning, before he leaves he forms some nearby stumps into a proper step-stool, and transmogrifies the minerals of the earth into a solid set of human sized pots and pans. 

-------------------------------------------

“I know you’re there, Duck. I may not have eyes in the trees, but I do have visions that tell me when someone is dithering about coming to speak with me.” Indrid smiles, checking the fishing pole he’s dug into the shore. He feels rather than hears Duck approach; in spite of his size, the Leshen moves through the woods more softly than a butterfly. 

“Guess those visions do make you harder to spy on than the average human.”

“A not at all creepy statement.” Indrid teases, then tips over when Duck playfully shoves him. 

“Shit, sorry.”

“It’s alright” he brushes off his arm, “the sand is nice and warm.” He picks up his sketchbook (stray pieces of paper sewn together) and pens (Duck turned flowers, fruit, leaves, and wood into them until Indrid had every color) and continues drawing. Half the reason he likes fishing is that he can draw futures (and for his own pleasure) while he does it. The other half is that he doesn’t want Duck to view him as a parasite in his home. Yes, for the first week, he did everything he could to demonstrate that he would make an excellent addition to the house made of twisting trunks and mossy floors. 

Now, though, he just wants to enjoy his time with Duck, even if that means not tidying constantly or cooking every meal. He hopes Duck enjoys it too, regardless of whether he lets Indrid stay. The Leshen is lonely, even if it only comes through on those days when his voice is like the wind through a weather-beaten log. Indrid wishes he knew how to assuage it, but a month is not long enough to learn such things. 

He’s slept in Duck’s bed these last three nights. It’s not purposeful, Duck is just so interesting to talk with and Indrid will lose sight of the time, will slump sideways and mumble that he ought to turn in, and then wake up in the early hours atop his host. It didn’t occur to him until this morning that Duck does that to keep Indrid from being uncomfortably squashed by his larger bedmate. And that Duck chooses to do that rather than carry Indrid to his own bed. 

“Hey, uh, ‘Drid?” Duck’s voice brings him back to the riverside, “would you, uh, wanna come with me on my rounds sometimes? Might be some nice things to draw, and that foresight of yours could be real helpful with some of the stuff I need to keep an eye on.”

His host looks nervous until Indrid nods, “I would be honored.”

--------------------------------------------

Never has the folding of clothes made him so miserable. Yet still he tucks the garments into the large-but-manageable rucksack Duck gave him, placing his sketchpad safely between the layers of fabric.

“Weather oughta be good tomorrow.” His visions show Duck behind him, rubbing the back of his neck. He’s going to miss that voice, the way leaves rustle underneath the drawl. 

“That’s good.” He pulls the ties on his rucksack, sets at the end of the couch but doesn’t turn around. 

“I’d, uh, say you’re welcome to visit but, uh, well, you know how fuckin hard this place is to find.”

“Mmmm.” Indrid wants him to go, wants him to be brusque or happy, not awkwardly fond in a way that gives false hope of shared affection. 

“‘Drid there’s, there’s somethin I wanna, that is I’m thinkin...aw, fuck it.”

Indrid yelps as arms nearly as big around as he is scoop him up. Duck’s lifted him to examine flowers or see over trees, but the hugging is new. 

“Duck?” Carefully, he drapes his arms over his shoulders.

“Don’t go.”

“I don’t want to.” Duck always smells faintly of pine needles and green wood, and Indrid buries his face in his neck, inhaling in hopes of remembering it forever. 

“Then stay. I changed my mind, ‘Drid, life is so much better with you around.” 

“Okay” Indrid can’t get his voice above a whisper; this wasn’t in the timelines, which means Duck changed his mind at the literal last moment. 

“Really? You wanna stay?” Duck shifts him back, Indrid functionally sitting on his forearm with his legs half wrapped around his chest. 

The seer summons his courage, finds it lacking, and so closes his eyes before going in for a kiss. His lips find Duck’s cheek until a firm hand cups the back of his head, guiding their mouths together. At this size, their mouths are compatible even as Indrid remains pleasantly dwarfed. Duck breaks the kiss first but Indrid, hell-bent on making up for lost time, continues kissing his face until they’re both laughing.

Duck kisses his forehead, “I’m gonna take that as a yes.” 

[420pogpills]

I dont know where else to talk about this but you know how twitters divided into 'subtwts'? I feel like its always, ALWAYS feraltwt that starts shit and its so disappointing to see, as a fan of the feral boys. Mostly '404twt' and 'smiletwt' but there's so much infighting too and then they shit on other ccs and friends of their favourite ccs and like.... how many of them are actually enjoying the content being put out instead of just scrutinizing every single thing their cc and associated ccs do?

I dont want to generalize but its something I've noticed. And the entitlement these guys have is insane. Its like they're trying to one-up the others by proving their streamer is the best, but im pretty sure none of the ccs give a shit? Why the hell are they pitting their favs against each other, they're all just content creators.... who are FRIENDS. I dont think any of them appreciate this but then they can't say it or they'll get attacked too.

Tldr: I think mcyttwts getting frighteningly similiar to kpoptwt and that can't be good for anybody.... the ccs or the fanbase. Fuck, they're actually getting worse than kpoptwt. All this bullshit with 'dni if you watch [insert cc name]' and shitting on specific streamers and just constantly trending neg.... how is that creating a space space for anyone to enjoy the content they're consuming

honestly i never really understood the whole sub twts and what not so i'm not sure who seems to start stuff the most often, but i just don't understand how people enjoy being in such a negative environment all the time.

and the whole 'dni if ____' thing is so childish to me. it's like when you disagree with someone on twitter - instead of talking to you like a person with a brain would, they just tag everyone who follows you and be like 'you follow this idiot' and just try to completely alienate you. how do they not see how gross that sort of behaviour is? they are being literal BULLIES, and yet they preach that they are all about morals. it's the biggest contradiction i have ever witnessed in my lifetime so far.

if you want to make the world a better place, bullying and alienating and demanding is not the way forward. how about taking your activism outside of twitter and into the real world, y'know - where it actually matters?

[trans-axian-archive]

OH yeah i def agree w you, i just wasnt thinking abt tht atm. Like, someone may see wwx as, idk, more annoying than he actually is and im just OkOk cool cool, ur literally wrong but whatever, i just move on from tht bcs its not that serious. But then some ppl make wwx say some weird innuendo shit to a junior and its like, why. why did u think it was a good idea for a grown ass man to do tht to a teen? why do you think its ok? it makes some kids think its ok for adults to do tht when its Not

YEAH in my post I mentioned how much of an issue that sort of characterization/content is in the context of depicting mlm, but it really is also a big issue when it comes to the children who will see those types of posts

like first of all its just... uncomfortable to view as a teenager. even though I'm technically an Adult, I'm still a teenager, and reading about a grown adult saying weird shit to teenagers just makes me uncomfortable As a teenager. and I imagine it's much more uncomfortable for teenagers even younger than I am and closer in age to the juniors

coming from someone who Grew Up On The Internet and grew up in fandom (god I hate that fucking word), I can say that seeing those types of things and other similarly harmful behavior in fanworks definitely had a negative impact on me and how I saw the world as an impressionable CHILD. I know I'm really not that old at 18 and there is a lot more growing and maturing for me to do but.... I cannot stress enough just how Young 13 and 14 and 15 year olds really are. you feel so mature because you're a Teenager now and you're in Highschool and all that but it really is so young. this is not meant to be patronizing or invalidating, I know how frustrating and hurtful it is to know that you're mature and capable but still have adults treat you like shit and not take you seriously; this comes from a place of care and respect and acknowledgment that kids that young are exactly that - kids, and they deserve to Be kids and be innocent. they shouldn't be exposed to that sort of thing and those sort of jokes and have that kind of behavior normalized to them. being a kid and being innocent isn't a bad thing and you shouldn't let Anyone convince you otherwise - cherish and value being young and silly and immature, it really is a wonderful thing. you will miss your ability to be completely carefree and childish

and like I said, that kind of shit changes the way you view and interact with the world as a young impressionable Child. and as you mentioned, that sort of thing will start to make kids think its okay for adults to treat them and interact with them that way. I can't even describe how much seeing certain tropes depicted over and over again and normalized fucked up my perception of myself and the world and other people. I thought and said and liked weird shit and wasn't critical because I was fucking 12 and 13 and 14 and all of these adults around me on the internet were doing it and said it was okay and made it popular and normalized and I had no one to tell me that No, those things Aren't okay. if you're 13 or 14 or 15 and everyone's constantly making jokes about your favorite character in your favorite book/show treating people your age in a weird uncomfortable manor, over time and after its been normalized so much, of course you're gonna start to think "oh... okay. this is just how adults interact with minors and there are posts saying its funny when this character that I like does it so it's okay!"

idk its just.... I've seen many posts talking about this kind of thing in a broad and general sense but I've never seen it brought up in the mdzs fanbase where I Know that its a big issue. such a large part of this fanbase hold and express incredibly harmful opinions and ideas, many of which are about sex and sexuality, and its just So widespread and normalized. this is about So Much More than just weird posts about wei wuxian making uncomfortable comments and jokes to the juniors, this extends far past that to much more harmful and insidious content

I know that many of my followers are young teens and it just scares me how much gross weird shit they have or will be exposed to in this fanbase. it disturbs me that so many of those young teens have read the novel and been exposed to its harmful content, content that no child should be exposed to. of course kids n young teens will read or watch or play whatever they want and being told something is too mature for them will not stop them from doing that (might even make them want to do it more), and I believe what mature things kids and young teens should be exposed to is situational, but it is the responsibility of adults in fanbases to, at the very least, make this a safe and respectful place for them. kids will, unfortunately, find media they shouldn't find, but we as adults should make sure that the spaces they come to after they consume that media don't expose them further to things they shouldn't be exposed to, and make sure they know what kinds of things are harmful and unacceptable

[watchmegetobsessed]

Everything about you - Shawn Mendes

i’ve been DYING to write a personal assistant themed oneshot and im pretty pleased with how this one turned out to be hehe

drabble list masterlist

Looking out for drunk Shawn is like taking care of a puppy. He is wobbly, can’t really coordinate his limbs, his laugh sounds way higher than usually, almost like that tiny barks puppies have and he is touchy. Like, in need of being touched constantly, finding his way to make physical contact with you in any way, anytime, not really understanding the concept of personal space.

“Would you stop moving around?” you sigh reaching over to him as you push him back at the seat by his chest while you keep your eyes on the road, glancing at him shortly. He has been playing around with the belt for like five minutes, giggling about something you couldn’t really understand when he explained it, because he kept biting off the ends of words.

“Fuck, I’m… wasted,” he snorts, head falling back as he closes his eyes with a smug grin on his face.

“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock!” you roll your eyes.

You want to be mad at him, you want to fume and rage that you were woken up by some random dude in the middle of the night because you are one of Shawn’s emergency contacts in his phones, asking you to come to this party to pick Shawn up because he was so drunk he was dancing on the table like he was in Magic Mike. You know it’s serious when he is dancing, he has to drink a lot to reach a level where he is comfortable enough to dance in front of people. You want to hit him for being so dumb, but you just can’t. You’re more concerned about his headache he’ll have in the morning and if he can make it through the night without throwing up. The answer for the latter is probably no, he has had rough nights from way less alcohol.

When his hand slides to your thigh, fingers spreading over the raw denim of your jeans your grip on the wheel tightens. Glancing over at him you see that his eyes are still closed, he is quietly humming a melody you can’t quite recognize, but you could listen to his voice for hours.

Taking a hand from the wheel you place it on top of his, just to make sure it doesn’t wander anywhere else, telling yourself it’s just the alcohol in him.

“You really should find your limits, Shawn,” you scold him mumbling. He doesn’t answer, just takes a sharp breath, his hand turning under yours and his fingers soon lace through yours. Your eyes flicker down at your hands and your chest feels heavy at the sight of it.

When you started working as his personal assistant two years ago you didn’t realize what you were getting yourself into. It’s not that the job sucks, it’s literally the best ever, you get to travel the world and get paid for it, you just have to keep Shawn’s stuff organized, remind him before flights and basically know the answer to all his questions, but it’s not that hard. What’s been making you absolutely crazy is that you can’t stop yourself from seeing him as more than just a friend or your super cool boss. Everything he does, everything he says is just making you fall for him more and more and even when he is totally wasted in your car at three in the morning, you can’t hate the dude.

“Limits are for pussies,” he slurs with another snort and it’s probably the first time you hear him use the word pussy.

“Yeah, we’ll see what you have to say about that in the morning,” you sigh as you pull up at the entrance of his building’s underground garage.

Shawn winces as the bright lights of the garage flows into his face, but he keeps his hand on your thigh still, not even moving it a little or snapping it over his eyes.

Getting him out of the car is harder than you thought. He is kind of half asleep, his limbs and whole upper body weighs on you as you throw one of his arms around your shoulders, forcing him to walk with you.

“Shawn, please just stay awake for ten more minutes,” you beg him, struggling to move forward. He keeps stopping, knees collapsing every third step, not making your job easier at all.

“M’sorry,” he mumbles rubbing his eyes.

He manages to make it to the elevator with your help and you make him lean against the wall on the way up so you can rest and get ready to carry him to his bed.

You feel like you just had an hour long workout by the time the two of you make it to his king sized bed. Throwing him to the mattress he lies on his back, arms stretched out to the sides as he blinks up at the ceiling blurrily.

“Do you feel like throwing up?” you ask him as you pull off his shoes and put them away.

“Not really,” he breathes out closing his eyes.

“Shawn, let’s get you changed and then you can sleep, alright?” you shake his leg making him open his eyes again.

He just quietly nods as he slowly pushes himself up. He starts taking his shirt off while you walk into his wardrobe and grab a white t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts for him to sleep in. When you get back you freeze for a moment as you see him stand at the end of the bed only in his boxers, his shirt and pants laying on the ground at his feet.

“Here,” you shyly say handing him the clothes. He mumbles a thank you as he gets dressed, collapsing to the bed once again.

Pulling the blanket out from under him you cover him as he takes some deep breaths, fingers gripping his hair, eyebrows furrowed.

“Hey, what’s wrong, bud?” you pat his foot as you watch him grimace with his eyes closed. He looks exactly like someone who is about to throw up.

“I don’t know,” he breathes out.

Rushing into the bathroom you quickly grab a bucket and you get back just in time. He shoots up and grabbing the bucket from you his face disappears in it as he pukes everything out.

“S’alright, just let it out,” you sigh gently running a hand up and down on his back as he keeps spitting into the bucket. Throwing up is good, he’ll feel way better once all the toxic stuff is out of his system.

“I’m so sorry you had to wake up for this,” he groans when you take the bucket from him and head back into the bathroom to clean it. You try not to think about how gross it is, you just flush it all down the toilet and then wash it out in the bathtub. You hear feet tapping on the floor and turning around you see that Shawn is grabbing his toothbrush. You caress his arm as you put the bucket away and leave him alone in the bathroom.

You get a big glass of water from the kitchen and put it down to his nightstand. Picking his clothes up from the floor you fish his phone out of his pants’ pocket, put it on his charger and then throw them into the laundry basket. It smells from tequila and weed, though you know he hasn’t smoked that night. High Shawn is more philosophic and deep, doesn’t really swear. He is like an ancient Greek philosopher when he is stoned, does not use the word pussy for sure.

Walking out of the bathroom he shuffles back to the bed, getting under the covers by himself this time. You sit down to the edge to check if he is alright, but he grabs your hand and pulls you down so you basically lie on him.

“Shawn!” you chuckle lightly as he peeks at you.

“Stay with me,” he whispers, hands wrapped around your wrist like a handcuff as he keeps you on top of him.

“Do you still feel sick?”

“Mmm no,” he hums.

“Then I’m leaving,” you sigh trying to get away from him but his grip is too tight on you.

“Then suddenly I feel like throwing up again.”

You give him a look even though he can’t see it, his eyes are still closed, probably because the room is spinning with him when he opens them.

“I’ll make you breakfast in the morning in return for tonight.”

He slowly pulls you further, until you are lying next to him, one arm around your shoulders, the other hand holding yours on his chest. Your face is pushed against his shoulder and the heat of his body feels just too nice against your skin. You shouldn’t be doing this, but you can’t make yourself leave him. It’s like there’s a magnet in your chest that’s pulling you towards him, holding you down and not letting you get up from his bed.

“You’re such a mess,” you mumble giving up trying to leave him.

He nuzzles his face against the crown of your head as you lie next to him on top of the covers, his fingers gently stroking your arm.

“I know,” he breathes out, words barely audible. “Good thing I have you.”

His words sink into your heart, a few moments later he is peacefully snoring while you’re just staring into the darkness, chest aching as his touch is practically burning your skin. His fingers has stopped, but you wish they were still running on your arm. Shutting your eyes closed you force yourself to fall asleep, hoping for the pain to be gone by the morning.

Your arms stretch to the side before you open your eyes in the morning and the first thing you realize is that you can’t reach the edge of the mattress like in your own bed. Realization comes to you slowly as you remember that you spent the night at Shawn’s, in the same bed with him.

Your hands roam the sheets, but the bed feels empty. Opening your eyes you see that Shawn is gone and the glass you set on his nightstand is now empty, phone missing too. Sitting up you hold the soft sheets to your chest as you look around. You’ve been in his room many times, but seeing everything from his bed is just a whole different view.

It takes some time for you to realize that music is playing somewhere outside of the bedroom. Slipping out of the bed you creep into his bathroom to quickly fix your hair before heading out, even though he has seen you in the morning several times when you slept on the same bus on tour.

You find Shawn in the kitchen, wearing the same clothes you made him put on last night, headband taming his curls as he is basically destroying the kitchen, New Light by John Mayer playing in the background. He is humming to the music, occasionally singing out the words he knows for sure, usually the end of each line while he is making something that looks like scrambled eggs with bacon.

It’s a sight you could get used to for the rest of your life for sure. Leaning against the wall at the end of the hallway you just watch him wondering when he’ll notice you. The guitar solo comes on and he starts vocalizing to it, playing an air guitar, swirling around, head falling back, but he soon stops as he gets dizzy fast, probably fighting a nice headache, but he must have already chugged down two Advils by now.

When he finally sees you standing in your observing spot a wide smile stretches across his face, flashing his perfect teeth.

“Mornin’! You hungry?” he asks poking the eggs around in the pan.

Walking closer you take a look at it and you see that he probably didn’t mix the eggs for long enough, you can even see an egg yolk in almost a whole, but you are proud of him for trying at least.

“Sure, Chef,” you grin as you climb onto a stool at the kitchen island while Shawn finishes up his masterpiece.

Grabbing two plates and forks he sets the counter for breakfast grabbing some orange juice from the fridge, continue to sing. Say comes on and he knows all the words to it, singing beautifully as he divides the eggs and bacon slices equally between the two plates even though you already know you won’t eat all of it and he’ll end up snatching the rest from your plate.

You start eating in silence, the eggs need some more salt but you don’t say it, just quietly eat, letting him think he did a good job with the breakfast. Hell, you would eat it even if it was horrible if it meant you could see that proud smile on his face he has on now as he tastes his work.

“Thanks for coming to get me last night,” he finally speaks up.

“It’s kinda my job,” you shrug making it look like it was really nothing.

“But cleaning up after me after I threw up is not,” he smirks at you poking your side with his elbow.

“Someone had to do it, or did you want to sleep with the bucket full of puke next to you all night?”

“Hell no!” he grimaces making you chuckle.

“How are you feeling?” you ask when you feel like you’re full, some food still on your plate and he instantly reaches for it.

“You don’t want it?” he asks, but he already took the plate, adding your leftover to his as you just shake your head no. “My head is pounding, and I feel like I’ve been ran over by a tank, but I woke up in a great mood because I had someone special next to me.”

Your cheeks flush almost immediately as your gaze is fixated on the empty plate in front of you. Not sure what to say to that you get off of the stool and start cleaning up the mess he made.

“Don’t, I’ll take care of it!” he tells you reaching out over the kitchen island as if he could reach you and stop you, but even his arms are not long enough to do that.

“S’alright, you cooked, it’s only fair if I clean up after,” you shrug grabbing the empty pan and your plate, placing them all into the sink as you start running the water.

“Not when I owe you after fetching me up drunk and taking care of me.”

He quickly finishes his breakfast and rushing over he grabs your hands and gently pushes you out of the way, taking over the dishes. You just sigh, drying your hand in a towel as you lean against the counter and watch him work around the kitchen.

“Wanna stay and hang out today?” he asks glancing over at you as he puts the eggs that are left into the fridge.

“Um, I should probably head home and take a shower, get changed. I also have to run a few errands today.”

“We can drop by your place, do everything you need to and then have lunch somewhere later.”

“Do you really want to spend your day off with me, running around town?” you ask skeptically.

“Is that a crime?” he chuckles narrowing his eyes at you.

“No, I just thought you would want to do something else.”

“I don’t,” he simply says as he hangs up his kitchen rag to dry once he is finished with everything.

“Don’t forget you have a meeting with that new designer about your outfits for the photoshoot next week,” you warn him as the two of you are on the way to your place. Shawn wanted to take one of his cars, but you refused to leave yours in his garage so he gave up, convincing you to let him drive and you happily said yes.

“I won’t forget, but can we not talk about work today?” he proposes fixing his sunglasses on his nose. You quietly nod, suddenly not sure what to say then. Work has always been the number one topic between you and him, after all, you are his personal assistant, this is your job.

You can’t help but feel like something has changed between you and him. You can’t really put your finger on it, but you can feel it in the air and it’s making you anxious. It feels like you’ve entered a dangerous, unknown territory last night and the line between work and your personal life is starting to get blurry.

Shawn plops down to your couch and turns the TV on while you take a quick shower and change from your yoga pants and oversized hoodie into a sundress with a denim jacket. Walking out you find Shawn in the kitchen, searching through your fridge.

“You won’t find anything, I have to go grocery shopping too,” you tell him and he closes it disappointed so he just grabs a bottled water. “I don’t have a person just to fill my fridge up every three days,” you chuckle at him, knowing well he has someone taking care of it for him. You hired the dude after having enough of his whining every time he went home after a long studio session in the middle of the night and texted you how hungry he was but there was nothing to eat. After one of these occasions you took care of it and his fridge has been full at all times since then.

You figured Shawn would get bored somewhere along the way to the post office, at your accountant’s office or grocery shopping, but the guy seems to be having fun accompanying you.

“Shawn, can you stop putting stuff into the cart that I don’t need?” you plead him as you put back a whole box of ice-cream into the freezer that he sneaked into the cart while you were looking at the frozen veggies.

“Who doesn’t need ice-cream?”

“Me. I don’t eat ice-cream,” you state matter-of-factly.

“What? Are you an alien?” he gasps dramatically, leaning onto the cart as he pushes it following you down the aisle.

“I’m not, but I only eat ice-cream when I’m extremely sad.”

“And when was the last time you felt that sad?”

You purse your lips thinking back at the last time you sat down and ate almost a whole box of ice-cream by yourself. It was about two months ago, you were out with Shawn and the team, the guys were picking on Shawn nonstop about some girl who gave him her number the night before. You watched him blushing while talking about how they’ve been texting all day and that he might ask her out. Jealousy was boiling under your skin and you left early not bearing to listen to his little conquering. You pretended like you had a headache, Shawn even tried to convince you to let him drive you home, but you just wanted to be alone so you told him to stay. You shamelessly cried that night, lying on your couch with the ice-cream while watching the Notebook. Luckily you never heard of that girl again, it seems like the date never happened though you never had the courage to ask him why he didn’t ask her out.

“Um, a while ago,” you shrug, eyes roaming the shelves, pretending to be busy with the products.

“Why were you sad?”

You wish he would just stop asking questions, but you already know how curious he is. Sighing you stop and turn to him.

“I just heard something that hit me hard in the chest. Can we move on? I really don’t want to talk about it in the middle of a store.”

He quietly nods, it seems like you hurt him and the guilt immediately tantalizes your heart, but you really don’t want to discuss with him the time he broke your heart, especially since he doesn’t know it was him who made you destroy that box of ice-cream.

“M’sorry,” he mumbles. Stepping closer you put your hand over his on the handle of the cart.

“It’s alright,” you say smiling at him.

You’re just about to pull your hand back, but his turns around and his fingers thread between yours holding onto you. “Shawn…” you sigh.

“What?” he asks innocently, like he has no idea what is going on. But what is it exactly? “Am I not allowed to touch you?”

“Do you want someone to snap a picture and post it?”

“And what would happen if they posted? People are used to you being around me, no one will bat an eye.”

No one except you. You know he is just messing around, probably still feeling a little dizzy from after his wild night, being his touchy self.

“Don’t be silly,” you sigh letting go of his hand as you continue your way to the yoghurts.

Once you’re done with groceries you drop by a pharmacy before heading back to your place. Shawn starts whining about starving, obviously exaggerating his hunger and he starts acting like a baby while you are putting the groceries away.

“My stomach is literally eating itself!” he moans painfully as he leans against the counter.

“Stop being a baby!” you chuckle closing the fridge.

“It’s three o’clock, we had breakfast five hours ago!”

“You ate a whole bag of chips on the way home, was that nothing for you?”

“That’s long gone, I need to fuel this body,” he explains rubbing his stomach and chest.

“I know, I’ve brought you food several times at the most random hours while on tour.”

He just shrugs grinning at you before wrapping his arms around your shoulders, pulling you tight to his body.

“And this is one of the many reasons why you are my favorite person in the whole wide world.”

You let him decide where to go for lunch since he is about to die from starvation. You don’t even pay attention where you’re going right until you walk into the restaurant and a weird feeling comes over you, like you’ve been here before.

Realization hits you hard when you see your ex-boyfriend in a white button up shirt with a black apron. Out of all the places, Shawn managed to bring you to the one where your ex works. You didn’t recognize the place at first, you haven’t been here in two years. Daniel and you broke up right before you started working for Shawn because of his lame excuse that you won’t have time for him once you start traveling the world. He didn’t even give a chance for you to prove him wrong and it made you wonder if there was something else behind it. You’ve been to so many places since then that you didn’t even recognize the place at first, but seeing Daniel for the first time in two years makes you feel some kind of way, but you’re not sure just yet what it really is.

“You alright?” Shawn asks as the two of you take a seat at a small table. You’ve been trying to cover yourself up so Daniel can’t recognize you, but it made you look like you are ticking or something.

“Um yeah, sure!” you reply in an abnormally high pitched voice. Shawn gives you a weird look but before he could ask anything else none other than Daniel appears at the table.

“Welcome, I’m Daniel, I’ll be your waiter today, may I—Y/N? Hey!”

No matter how hard you tried to keep your head down he somehow recognized you and now you force the widest smile on your face as you look up at him.

“Hey! Didn’t even recognize you!”

“It’s been so long, how are you?” he asks and he seems genuinely interested but you wish he would just give you the damn menus and disappear. In the meanwhile, Shawn is staring at you and him with a confused smile on his face.

“Um, great! I’m great. Great,” you nod, sounding like a total idiot. Gosh you don’t know how to deal with it and you said great way too many times. “How are you?” you ask back.

“Fine! You know, nothing extraordinary. Unlike you!” he turns to Shawn and holds out a hand for him and you just truly want to die. “Hey, I’m Daniel, nice to meet you!”

“Shawn, nice to meet you too,” he smiles politely, but you’re sure he is trying hard to figure out what is going on. Unfortunately Daniel decides to tell your brief history with him right on the spot.

“We used to date before she started working for you. We went to the same high school, she used to organize everything in school so no one is surprised she ended up with this job.”

“Oh, that’s nice!” Shawn chuckles lightly, glancing over at you but you just stare down at the empty wine glass in front of you, praying this nightmare will end very soon.

When you recognized Daniel you were afraid seeing him would bring up some unwanted feelings from the past, but it’s nothing like that. His existence is just making you want to leave, not able to stand him this close to you again. You can’t believe you dated him for a year, the dude has been working here for years, he never upgraded or did anything to move forward in life. Judging from the way the waitresses are eyeing the table he has also slept with half of them and has been flirting with the other half, totally messing up everything around him, something he was always good at but you just refused to realize.

Looking over at Shawn you see how much has changed in your life and what you feel for Shawn is just entirely different. More real.

Daniel rambles about how he met you years ago but then luckily he realizes it’s not why you are here so he leaves the table letting you choose from the menu. You hide behind it as you just stare at the same two options, chewing on your bottom lip anxiously.

“So, that’s your ex, huh?”

Peaking over the menu your eyes meet Shawn’s and he is looking at you curiously.

“I guess,” you nod slowly putting down the menu.

“Why did you break up?”

“Well, he didn’t think we could do long distance, with him being here and me traveling with you, so we just… parted right before I started working for you.”

You expect him to make a snarky comment about him, say something about how dumb he looks like, but he just stays silent and it worries you a lot. You want him to feel bitter about running into your ex, you want him to joke about him, to mock him, but he just sits there, eyes back on the menu without a word.

The nice lunch quickly turns awkward thanks to Daniel. The dude keeps coming over to your table, checking in on you and starting small talks that you definitely want to avoid but he just can’t get the hint. Shawn goes radio silent, he seems to shut Daniel’s existence out even though he keeps trying to bring him into the conversation. You realize you’ve been suffocating in there when you finally walk out. Daniel cheered how amazing it was to see you again and that you should definitely meet up and do some catch up sometime, to which you just nodded politely and basically escaped from the place.

“Hey,” you caress Shawn’s arm once you are on the way back to his place. He looks tensed, gripping the wheel like he is trying to crush it. “Everything alright?”

“Sure,” he nods shortly, but it doesn’t convince you.

“That didn’t sound too convincing.”

“Can’t do anything about that,” he replies and you can feel the sass through his tone. Knitting your eyebrows together you stare out the window, wandering what has gotten into him. Did Daniel upset him with something? You don’t remember him saying anything offensive, he just kept talking about you the whole time.

Nothing is said for the rest of the ride and it’s eating you up from the inside. You wish he would just say something, tell you one of his cheesy jokes that you love so much, but his silence is killing you. This wholesome day quickly turned into a mess by just one awkward run in.

Arriving back to his garage the two of you get out of the car as you have to get behind the wheel to drive back home.

“Any plans for the rest of the day?” you ask smiling up at him when you meet him at the back of the car.

“Probably just chilling, nothing exciting,” he shrugs leaning against the trunk. “You? Will you call Daniel?”

His question surprises you, didn’t expect it at all.

“Why would I?”

“Just asking,” he shrugs again and his nonchalance is kind of pissing you off.

“Alright, don’t forget to call Andrew tonight about the interview questions,” you remind him and he just nods, not even looking at you.

You wait a little, hoping he would turn this all around and start acting like himself but he doesn’t show any sign of that so you just give up.

“Thanks for today, see you at the studio on Friday,” you say with a fake smile as you walk past him and get into the car. You’re raging, you want to scream at him for being so unreadable wishing you could just read his mind. You see him in the mirror shaking his head before walking away and disappearing on the staircase.

You stop at the store on your way home and buy a huge box of chocolate ice-cream that doesn’t survive till the morning.

***

The past week has been the weirdest seven days since you met Shawn and you’ve been through a lot together. But that day you spent together just changed everything. Shawn became distant, cold towards you, only talking to you if it was necessary and nothing non-work related has been discussed even though you tried. It feels like he put a wall between the two of you and no matter how hard you’ve been trying to tear it down it just gets stronger and taller and it’s breaking your heart, mostly because you can’t figure out what you did or said to make him act like this.

You’ve been seeing each other constantly for four days since he has been doing interviews, photoshoots and meetings all day and it’s your job to be there and help him out with everything even though you wished you could just work from home. At first you thought it’s just your mind playing with you, making you believe something is off when everything is alright, but when the team goes out for dinner together Andrew pulls you to the side.

“Hey, did… Did something happen between you and Shawn?” he asks in a low tone, glancing over at the table. Shawn seems just fine, joking around with the guys, but whenever you are near him he completely changes.

“What do you mean?”

You try to play dumb, but you can’t fool Andrew.

“What I mean is you two act like you just broke up after three years together and now want the other to die a very painful death.”

“Okay, that’s a little harsh.”

“But it’s close to the reality,” he points out and you can’t argue. Shawn really has been giving you the dirtiest looks lately, making you feel like shit. “Whatever it is, just… work it out because it’s making everyone uncomfortable.”

“Did Brian bitch about it? His word is not accountable, he has a problem with everything,” you narrow your eyes at him, crossing your arms on your chest.

“Brian, Connor, Cez and even Karen called me yesterday because she saw a fan made video of him shrugging your hand off of him and she found it weird.”

That hurt a lot. You ran into a few fans leaving the studio and as usual, he stopped to take pictures, but you were late to his meeting so you gently tapped his shoulder to warn him that it’s time to leave and he just shrugged it off, completely shattering your heart. No one really noticed because you tried to act cool and the fans were too occupied by him, but Karen is more cautious than that.

“Look, I don’t want to get into your personal stuff, but this is starting to get ridiculous. We all know Shawn, he won’t come to you, he is too stubborn to do that so be the bigger person and force him to talk to you. Make up or just start being professional, whatever you find the best, but this is not okay.”

He walks back to the table, leaving you with this bitter taste in your mouth as you glance over at the table. Shawn is listening to Connor’s story, eyes shining, his smile wide and this is the Shawn you love so much. Happy, carefree and delightful, just a generally wonderful person. And you miss him being like that around you, but you have no idea how to get him to tell you why he is acting up.

You keep zoning out on him throughout the dinner, trying to figure out how to talk to him or what to even say. You’ve earned a few puzzled looks from him, but he didn’t even ask if you were alright, just tried to ignore you which felt like someone just twisted the knife in your heart that’s been in you for about a week.

You carpooled with Josiah on the way here so you figure out the best way to make him stay alone with you is if you ask him to give you a ride home.

“Hey, can you drop me off on your way?” you ask when the mood is starting to die down and people start to get ready to leave.

“Can’t Josiah drive you home?” he asks, ruder than you’d have liked, but you try to ignore that.

“He is going out for a night shoot and I don’t want to make him late.”

It’s not entirely a lie, he does have a night shoot he is heading to, but he assured he can drop you off before heading to the location. Shawn doesn’t seem to be too pleased by your idea, but he eventually just nods.

Saying goodbye to everyone you all head out to your own way, Shawn and you walking down the street to his car. You get into the passenger seat, but snatch the key from him before he could ignite.

“What the f—“

“We need to talk,” you cut him off.

“And why do you need to steal my keys for that?!”

“Because I need you to listen to me and you can’t focus when you’re driving.” You arch an eyebrow at him as he stares back at you in disbelief. He then finally crosses his arms on his chest leaning back in his seat, clearly pissed off, but you couldn’t care less.

You take a few deep breaths, trying to find the right words, but nothing feels right so you just say the first thing that comes to your mind.

“Did I do something?” His puzzled look tells you he doesn’t know what you’re talking about, or just refuses to cooperate with you. “Did I say something that upset you or did something happen? Because you’ve been acting weird all week and I just don’t know what to do to make it up to you because I don’t even know what I did wrong.”

He looks away from you, staring out the window and judging from his expression he knows exactly what you are talking about, but refuses to answer.

“Shawn, I can’t do this anymore. We are working together so I need us to be comfortable around each other and communicate. You’re making both very hard for me. Just tell me what’s wrong so I can change.”

“You can’t change this,” he mumbles, his words almost melting together as he barely opens his mouth.

“How do you know that? Just give me a chance!” you beg, desperate to find your answers.

“I know it because… It’s nothing that can be changed that easily!” he growls back, clearly not comfortable with the topic.

“But what is it? Is it the way I handle something? Or something I do that makes you uncomfortable?” you guess trying to figure it out yourself since he doesn’t help you at all. “I promise I won’t get mad, I just want to make things right again!”

“It’s you!” he then snaps, finally turning his head and looking into your eyes.

“What about me?”

“It’s… Everything about you, Y/N.”

“What?” you ask, your voice barely more than just a whisper as his words are basically crushing you.

He exhales sharply shaking his head as he grabs the wheel angrily, smacks his hand to the middle causing the honk to make everyone around the car jump, including you.

“Damn it, Y/N! It’s you! Ever since we met your dumb ex at that restaurant I’ve been wanting to go back and just… punch him in the face! The way he talked about you and the time he was dating you, it was literally killing me! I was so jealous I even considered just standing up and walking out.”

You just blink at him, totally petrified as he loads everything out on you.

“You seemed so nervous to see him and I figured you might still have feelings for him and it’s been driving me crazy to think about you with him. In fact, I don’t want to think about you with anyone at all, because I’m in love with you!”

You feel like you’ve been hit on the head by a brick as his words echo in your mind. He loves you. He really did just confess that he is in love with you and the reason why he has been acting up is because he was jealous of your ex. It takes a few seconds for you to process everything and when you do… you start laughing.

Your uncontrollable guffaw just fills the whole car as you lean ahead, snapping your hands to your thighs over and over again, tears forming in your eyes from the laughing and you just can’t stop. In the meanwhile Shawn is staring at you like you’ve just lost your mind and honestly, he is not entirely wrong.

“Feels nice that you find it so hilarious,” he grumbles under his breath and you force yourself to stop realizing how bad it makes him feel.

“I’m laughing, because… That’s not the case at all!” you manage to say, trying to catch your breath. “When we met Daniel I was so awkward, I just wanted him to be gone because he made me realize how much time I wasted on him back then. I never called him after that because I never want to see him again. The douche probably dumped me because he already had another chick waiting in line and now that I saw that he is still working the same shitty job as two years ago I thanked God I’m not with him anymore.”

“Oh.” Shawn knits his eyebrows together as the story gets straight in his head, realizing he has misinterpreted the whole situation.

“Gosh, I wish you just talked to me!” you sigh, head falling back as you stare up in disbelief. This whole week could have been avoided if only he chose to talk to you like a normal human being, but instead he went out of his way and made you feel miserable. “You know I was going crazy, because I thought I said something that made you hate me and I wished you’d just tell me so everything can get back to normal, but you really fucked me up all week,” you chuckle giving him a look and his cheeks start to turn rosy. “Do you know how much it hurts when the guy you are in love with pretends like you don’t even exist?”

His eyes snap at you and you can’t hold your smile back as you stare back at him.

“Wait, what? You said you are in love with me?” he asks, eyebrows so high they almost disappear in his hair. He looks so cute with his wide, doe-like eyes as he looks at you like you just gave him the most precious gift ever.

“Well, it was a generalization,” you point it out and the moment you see his face fall you quickly add. “But it meant that yes, I am indeed in love with you!”

You stare at him and he stares back at you, nothing is said but still, this silence is saying more than any words could. His hand slowly reaches over to your hands that are gripping onto the keys and as his palm wraps around your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze you can feel your whole heart melting.

“Let’s… Let’s leave this parking lot, okay?” he suggests and you nod, suddenly feeling nervous around him as you hand his keys back to him.

The car ride is quiet, but you exchange many glances and every time your eyes meet with his your heart skips a beat. You notice that instead of heading to your home he is driving on the way to his place. When the car rolls down into the underground garage of his building and he parks it to his usual spot you sit there silently.

“Look, I don’t want to rush anything and I know that you are probably concerned about working for me, but I think we should give it a try,” he softly says peeking over at you to see your reaction. “Spend the night here, we don’t have to do anything, I just want to wake up next to you without having the worst hangover,” he chuckles and you start laughing too.

“So I don’t have to clean up your puke if I stay?” you joke and he shakes his head no.

“Promise, the bucket will stay clean all night.”

“What a bummer,” you smile at him and reaching over he tugs your hair behind your ear as you close your eyes at his touch.

“So, are you staying?” he softly asks and judging from where his voice is coming from he has leant closer to you. A smile spreads across your face, but you don’t open your eyes just yet.

“Mm-hmm” you hum and opening your eyes you see that his face is only a few inches away from you, a satisfied grin sits on his pink lips.

“Great,” he whispers before closing the distance between you and him and finally kissing you.

It’s a slow, lazy but sweet kiss as you both savior the taste of each other, getting used to the feeling, but both of you seem to click very soon and he deepens the kiss while you cup his cheeks in your palms as you keep tugging and pulling at each other over the shifting gear.

Oh man, you’re not sure if Andrew meant the makeup like this, but now he will have to deal with it, because there’s no way you can keep your hands off of him from now on.

[ungracefulace]

Seeing the exclusionist community devolve further into a mean middle school lunch table is just so hilarious to me, but at the same time I feel bad for young LGBT+ people being indoctrinated by this shit.

And when I say indoctrinated I mean it. Honestly the exclusionist community does so much to corrupt the absolute hell out of 13-16 year olds, it's terrifying to watch.

Like, aphobes LOVE saying how pedophilic the ace community is because we arent harassing ace kids to tell them that the label they chose for themselves that's not at all sexual in nature isnt for them. But this is the same group with 20-25 or in some cases fucking 40 year olds constantly equating their orientations to some sexual label, even going so far as to argue with 12 and 14 year old aces about how they're too young to say they're ace, how they shouldnt say they domt fuck because they shouldnt be having sex at that age anyways, how IDing as asexual means that they are saying everyone else their age is fucking somehow and more.

Then weve got these whole ass adults insisting that since ace is such a gross sexual label, a fancy asshole way to say hates sex- especially gay sex, they make allo to be some gross homophobic slur. Which is leading these baby gays to be all "i'm a filthy allo and proud!!!!" "This person who aces like? They are a big allo and fuck all the time!" Fucking 14 and 15 year olds are playing up the sex they're having to flex on inclusionists or aces (since they blur the line a bunch) and their adult discourse weirdos they look up to are reblogging and going "Yeah!! This kid gets it!!" And they dont acknowledge how creepy that shit is. And then they frame it in a way where if you're like "woah, you're a whole ass kid and im like 20 I dont want to hear about you doing anything" it's just you being ace and homophobic and trying to shame and censor gay sex or relationships (when no, it's me trying to not hear someone who hasnt taken PSATs flaunt their sexual exploits because that's uncomfortable).

And the thing is these discourse adults know full well what they're doing. They're the ones making and calling out fake blogs or scouring the internet for widely ignored asshole aces or inclusionists and using these as the proof of how demonic our community is. They're the ones that when they run out of a half decent troll or one off assholes will take completely decent posts to try to frame them as some dig at gay people even with the post has fuck all to do with gays.

They constantly cycle this to their younger followers who end up being so certain that the whole be nice and accepting thing they were first rocking with when they realized they werent cishet was a convoluted scheme thrown together by evil aces who want to be straight and yell at gays in safe spaces.

Honestly I could go on about how fucked up exclusionist logic poisons the whole community making for a fundementally toxic environment, but thsi is going to be ignored by the majority of exclusionists anyways so I'd rather save the time.

But yeah @ those 13-15 year old exclusionists who are super hateful toward aces and aros, I'm not trying to condescend yall but im Begging you to take a step back and actually think about your discourse interactions and ideologies and why they are the way they are

[tuggism]

just a little note

So I haven’t been on this blog in a whileeeee and I'm not even sure anyone will see this. But I was a longtime fan of RT/AH during my literal formative years - completely obsessed for maybe 2012-2017. I loved all the shows and especially LOVED Achievement Hunter, as you can probably tell from the blog lol. I’ve slowly stopped watching videos, but I still have those “comfort” videos you know like the ones that you’ve seen so many times but you keep watching bc its like meeting an old friend again. now I dont know if I can anymore?

I just wanted to vent and its funny how the urge to vent brought me back into my childhood Tumblr lol. but I heard the news last night and I, like everyone, was COMPLETELY blindsided. I cant even begin to explain the flurry of emotions and thoughts I had inside. I loved Ryan. I truly loved them all. I’m so confused. I’m so sad that hes leaving but then I feel bad for feeling sad because of what he has done. I feel so bad for his family. this is such an ethically muddled situation

He cheated on his wife for years. This shit wasn’t just a single instance - it was over the course of like what? 2 years? Maybe if I was younger I would’ve thought of this differently. Maybe I would’ve been able to personally move on from this and still enjoyed him in past videos and maybe even preached to other people to forgive him. But I’m not my younger self. I’m 22, in a loving committed relationship, and there is only pain even at the thought of being cheated on. That is all there is. I cant imagine the pain? his wife might be going through. I saw the video Tess posted. I slowed it down, even read as much as I could. It was some inexplicable attempt at forcing myself to bear witness to what he had done, in order to finally take him down from the pedestal I didn’t even know I had supplied him with in my mind. It was disgusting. It had all the echoes and similarities with gross and cringe conversations you have over snap with boys you meet on tinder. He even mentioned his kids to her a few times. That really kicked the fucking bucket over. Why would you ever mention your kids by name to your mistress? What was he thinking? what fucking insane state of mind was he in??

He was always the wholesome, family man, married to his high school sweetheart, 2 young kids, HAPPY NUCLEAR FAMILY. Well that online persona did not age well. There are so many issues with this situation. The fan/celebrity dynamic that’s beyond fucked up... I’ve never experienced anything of that magnitude but I remember a few years ago when a guy that was considered “a name” started talking to me. And I ignored all the red flags because even the small rush of adrenaline was so good. A few years ago I was at a university event and was constantly hit on by this guy who was more popular, slightly older, and it felt good. We didn’t do much but when I found out a few days later that he had a girlfriend for the last 3 years, the guilt was immeasurable. But I'm not going to lie. Even after the fact, there was still this TINY, SMALL, like 2% of me, that .. wanted even just a little bit more of that attention. So when Tess says that she did things she normally wouldn’t do because of the attention from her LITERAL idol, I believe her. I believe it. As crazy as it sounds, thats the thing that could've made all thought of Ryan’s family not enter the decision making process.

It is selfish of me, but I cant help but feel so sad for AH. These people worked with him, were friends with him for the better part of a decade. I dont think you could deny his part in AH’s popularity. To me, he was so integral. I thought AH and I thought Ryan Haywood. So many iconic moments that I think of with the HIGHEST childhood nostalgia, involved Ryan. All that is tainted now. Completely tainted. everything feels wrong, everything feels off-colour. I basically grew up with AH and this man. I grew up with them. AH was literally my safe space when serious trauma happened in 2017-2018. I’d put on my old favourite videos and play them so that I could fall asleep easier. That’s how much I loved them. 

I dont know what im saying. I just needed to say something and get it off my chest so that I can move on. I dont know what my personal relationship with RT/AH will look like now. I’ll be lingering to watch how they deal with this situation, but honestly I’d become a very very casual fan anyway by this point. But its more the detriment to my memories of AH that have caused me great sadness. ITs just all sadness. All sadness.

I agree that people can make mistakes. Cheating just happens to be a VERY BIG mistake. I’ve personally known people who have cheated on their partner. They’re not the most vile, unforgivable people. They just made a mistake. And they have changed. I hope Ryan can get the help he needs. Most of all I hope his family can forgive him. If his family is broken over this he will literally spend the rest of his life atoning for it. Nothing else - nothing about losing his job or fans or public reputation being ruined - will compare with the loss of his family. Dont get me wrong - my opinion on Ryan has drastically changed in the last 24 hours. But I want to be emotionally distant. I want to move on with my life. 

This was so long and so incoherent. I just rambled on and on. I dont expect anyone to have read this lol but just know that if you’re confused and conflicted, you’re not alone.