#just listed some and not all because i have a 7:30am class UGH who thought classes at 7:30 fucking am is okay??

[expectiations]

Do you have any yowzah headcanons?

anon, i am so so so sorry i took so long in answering this but to be fair, i consider this such a loaded question because GOSH the amount of headcanons i have about these two but okay okay i'm finally doing it.

River locks away some encounters with the Doctor and sometimes when she's cheeky - okay, she's always cheeky with them (who are we kidding) - she uses a totally random set of words to unlock those encounters.

Then the Doctor is just chilling with Companion or some random being - no, let's make the stakes higher. Doctor and Companion(s) running away from danger or are in a life-and-death situation and said words get uttered and the Doctor just goes ballistic and the poor companion doesn't have a clue. Their captors end up letting them go.

Said words are in different languages by the way.

River and 11 had kids. And 12. I mean it was implied that River's pregnant in The Impossible Astronaut/Day of the Moon sooo...

The Doctor has a habit of going back in time and meet up with different painters, poets, playwrights, sculptors, etc. to commission stuff with River as the subject.

After Area 51 happened for both of them, they would greet each other with the number of anniversaries they had lived through.

Older 11 does his best to soften the blows he knows young River will experience as she moves along her timeline.

11 bought an entire archeological set and placed them all in his bigger-on-the-inside pocket in case River would need one.

The Doctor hardly slept before River. After loosing her, they couldn't sleep in their bed anymore. Because they kept on reaching for her and kept finding it empty.

Older River loves winding up younger versions of the Doctor because an older Doctor did the same to younger her.

The Doctor has a room dedicated to stuff they think River would love.

River's lipsticks taste like sweets because the Doctor likes sweets.

The Doctor hates it when River puts her hair up in a ponytail. Considers it a crime worthy of being banned by the Shadow Proclamation.

The Doctor keeps one of River's guns hidden in the console.

River has met older regenerations of the Doctor but her memories of them are locked away.

Her memories of 12 pre-Darillium were unlocked when 12 uttered "Hello, Sweetie".

The Doctor (11) hangs red balloons whenever he and River are doing "humany-wumany stuff".

River's love for funny-looking socks rivals the Doctor's love for hats.

An older Doctor taught young River Gallifreyan; an older River corrects a younger Doctor's Gallifreyan.

They both tell each other bedtime stories. A younger Doctor would be told bedtime stories by an older River. A younger River would be told bedtime stories to help keep away the nightmares. When he began telling younger River bedtime stories, he realized he was the one who started that tradition and she was doing it with her past and him in mind.

River is Patience, the Doctor's wife on Gallifrey (invisible string theory)