#just like dark is unrepentant abt it!!!

[dnangelic]

what if i said part of the reason why daisuke doesnt ever hurt anybody is bc even in the shape of a monster (a la dark's form) if he genuinely hurt anyone and they started looking at him differently he'd never ever forgive himself. he doesn't want to hurt or be hurt but if he ever has a choice he'd rather be the one punished and outcast and left scared than ever try to make someone feel that way himself

[gashotbox]

hello! first time asker, thinking a lot abt an absolute unrepentant slob stuffing my face into their dirty laundry basket as "punishment".. my face inches deep in sweaty socks and piss stained underwear after i asked them to please do their laundry.. squirming around as I hear "you fucking smell that? think i wanna touch any of this, jackass?" from above me

and it just smells absolutely horrendous. grimy socks that r either limp with footsweat or rockhard with cum. underwear that has skidmarks so bad u half-think they used them to wipe. tshirts splattered w food stains n dark, damp sweat spots at the armpits. dirty jockstraps or panties and maybe, from where they have you ; you can see some of your clothing there, too. your socks that have turned dark brown with grit. your favourite top with cumstains and dickcheese or boob sweat wiped off on it. your nice underwear that look like it’s been pissed in, jerked off in (or to?) and worn for several, shitty days. 😵‍💫🥵 completely unrepentant slobs… fuck <3

[evilbeepthemeep]

I posted 9,304 times in 2022

163 posts created (2%)

9,141 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@agentduckorico

@sandal-shuriken-no-jutsu

@eroticcannibal

@ratsetflummi

@dappercyborg

I tagged 203 of my posts in 2022

#killing stalking - 15 posts

#eurovision - 14 posts

#mystic messenger - 6 posts

#cat - 3 posts

#unreality - 3 posts

#bum - 2 posts

#dikadoll jean - 2 posts

#dikadoll - 2 posts

#ball jointed doll - 2 posts

#soup - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 127 characters

#though to be fair we were the weird ones since i had a massive unicorn balloon that made us friends and i let people feel me up

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

So currently I'm stuck in bed sick and unable to do much. I've had to pay out to get paracetamol and food which gets expensive.

Since I'm on universal credit I don't have a lot of money so if you can, please send some money via my PayPal which is hawkgay@outlook.com

66 notes - Posted April 7, 2022

#4

Kiwifarms is dying, reblog to make it die faster

73 notes - Posted August 25, 2022

#3

I swear down the people who shit on mogai/aces/aros/pans etc because they used to identify as one of them but came out as lesbian/gay/binary trans just can't admit they were wrong.

they'd much rather throw a bunch of minorities under the bus than say they were wrong about who they are.

like somehow it's our fault they thought they were ace cause we "tricked" them into it when actually we just gave out resources.

it's okay to be wrong sometimes, I thought I was a lesbian but no I was ace, NB and pan. I don't blame lesbians for that, it's just the language I had for myself at the time.

being wrong is apart of growing and admitting it is so much healthier than sending death threats to people who's identity you don't like.

77 notes - Posted December 6, 2022

#2

race is abt how ppl see u. when most ppl look at u, u look white. they cannot see into ur mom’s mixed genes before they decide whether or not to discriminate against u. there’s nothing wrong with being white. u can be white and celebrate ur mother’s heritage

First of all that's called white passing privilege which to be fair I do have to a certain degree. Like the other women at the domestic violence shelter my mum was in when she left me dad did say she was lucky we could pass but still doesn't erase the fact we weren't white

Second of all I have faced racism due to me and my family being mixed race. Details about my mother's upbringing were called stories by social workers and even an outfit worn by my grandmother on her 50th wedding anniversary was called a costume. I was literally taken from my mum and given to my abusive dad because she raised me in a very not white way

Third of all I've been an outcast my entire life due to not looking like my white peers. Hell I don't even fit into my dad's side of the family because when I stand next to any of them it's very clear I'm not white.

I've been discriminated against due to my status as a mixed race person in a country that fucking hates anyone who isn't white or performs whiteness correctly.

It's not just genes that impact how people treat you, it's also how you are raised and the people around you. I'm still as much mixed race with my green eyes and pale skin as my sister who has dark brown eyes and tab skin.

But what else do I expect from a terf who thinks biology is immutable and gender isn't a social construct

148 notes - Posted February 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Narc Abuse And Why It's Bullshit

Long post ahead and tw for rape apology, homophobia, transphobia and ableism

I decided on a whim to do a deep dive on who coined the term Narc abuse and the ideology used in narcissistic abuse circles.

And oh boy I found some info.

The term Narcissistic abuse was first coined sometime in the 90’s by a guy named Sam Vaknin. Notable things about this dude is he’s a writer, a philosopher, a physicist and has npd. Oh apparently he might not even have NPD and is just spouting bullshit to get away with being an unrepentant asshole.

Fun fact he was arrested and jailed for committing securities fraud in 1996.

Here’s a link to his CV. 

notice anything? He holds no qualifications for psychology or psychiatry. 

And even has this fun disclaimer on his website

Which means he has no credentials to talk or teach about NPD. Or Abuse. Or Domestic Violence.

I have combed through this man’s website, interviews and his medium articles and found some truly terrible shit. 

He’s misogynistic

Jacobsen: You agree with First Wave Feminism and Second Wave Feminism, and disagree with Third Wave Feminism and Fourth Wave Feminism. What defines them?

Vaknin: First and second wave feminisms (in plural: there are many schools) were focused on leveling the playing field and fighting abusive and exploitative practices such as prostitution and pornography.

Starting with the suffragettes, they focused on the franchise (the right to vote), equal wages, access (to healthcare, education, the workplace, daycare), revising the dress code (“rational dress”), the right to own and dispose of property, and converting marriage from indentured bondage to an intimate, hopefully lifelong equal partnership.

The third wave was a psychopathic outgrowth. While claiming to be inclusive and permissive, it was a defiant and reckless attempt to “empower” women by eliminating all boundaries, conventions, and mores of any kind in all fields of life.

What women have garnered from the confluence of the three waves is that they should make their careers the pivot of their lives, avoid meaningful, committed relationships with men, and pursue sex as a pastime with any man.

Ironically, the third wave played right into the hands of predatory men (“players”) who took advantage of the newfangled promiscuity while assiduously avoiding any hint of commitment or investment. Third wave feminists internalized the male gaze (“internalized oppression”) and pride themselves on being “sluts”.

The fourth wave of feminism is focused on real problems such as sexual harassment, rape, and body shaming as well as intersectionality (discrimination of women who belong to more than one minority). In many ways, it is an offshoot of second wave feminism.

Quote taken from Prof. Vaknin on Misogyny and Misandry

Transphobic

Philosophically, there is little difference between a narcissist who seeks to avoid his True Self (and positively to become his False Self) – and a transsexual who seeks to discard his true gender. But this similarity, though superficially appealing, is questionable.

People sometimes seek sex reassignment because of advantages and opportunities which, they believe, are enjoyed by the other sex. This rather unrealistic (fantastic) view of the other is faintly narcissistic. It includes elements of idealised over-valuation, of self-preoccupation, and of objectification of one's self. It demonstrates a deficient ability to empathise and some grandiose sense of entitlement ("I deserve to be taken care of") and omnipotence ("I can be whatever I want to be – despite nature/God").

This feeling of entitlement is especially manifest in some gender dysphoric individuals who aggressively pursue hormonal or surgical treatment. They feel that it is their inalienable right to receive it on demand and without any strictures or restrictions. For instance, they oftentimes refuse to undergo psychological evaluation or treatment as a condition for the hormonal or surgical treatment.

It is interesting to note that both narcissism and gender dysphoria are early childhood phenomena. This could be explained by problematic Primary Objects, dysfunctional families, or a common genetic or biochemical problem. It is too early to say which. As yet, there isn't even an agreed typology of gender identity disorders – let alone an in-depth comprehension of their sources.

A radical view, proffered by Ray Blanchard, seems to indicate that pathological narcissism is more likely to be found among non-core, ego-dystonic, autogynephilic transsexulas and among heterosexual transvestites. It is less manifest in core, ego-syntonic, homosexual transsexuals.

Autogynephilic transsexuals are subject to an intense urge to become the opposite sex and, thus, to be rendered the sexual object of their own desire. In other words, they are so sexually attracted to themselves that they wish to become both lovers in the romantic equation - the male and the female. It is the fulfilment of the ultimate narcissistic fantasy with the False Self as a fetish ("narcissistic fetish").

Autogynephilic transsexuals start off as heterosexuals and end up as either bisexual or homosexual. By shifting his/her attentions to men, the male autogynephilic transsexual "proves" to himself that he has finally become a "true" and desirable woman.

Quote taken from Homosexual and Transsexual Narcissists Frequently Asked Questions # 18

Homophobic

See the full post

355 notes - Posted July 4, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[jaynovz]

tell us more abt the hannibal and black sails parallels pls

Okay, first off, I am so sorry this took so long!! I’ve been moving and shit has been so busy.

Second, yay!! This question. Now I have an excuse to ramble.

Okay so, the two shows do have a lot of similarities. The big one you notice right off the bat is that both have an extremely codependent relationship at the center. 

There are a ton of ways the Flint-Silver and Hannibal-Will relationships parallel, like, they both talk about melding minds with another person, being monstrous, reveling in being monstrous, being made complete by an unlikely source, personas/playing roles/person suits, knowing yourself more completely next to another person, darkness as a source of freedom, something beyond choice/being drawn inexorably into a person’s destructive orbit and being forever changed by it. They deal with the nature of truth, both have supernatural elements, both have religious imagery connected to one half of the ship (Flint and Hannibal both compared to god). 

Also, both shows end with an impossible choice and, ostensibly, tragedy; and they both have open endings that are interpretable based on what you want to believe. 

But at a certain point, the similarities end and the two shows veer off from each other. Namely, the dynamics between the two ships are fundamentally different in a lot of ways, and it's more interesting to look at the ways in which they don't parallel. At the end of the day, the biggest one is that Silverflint is not anywhere near as destructive, whereas for Hannigram, mutual self-destruction is sort of the name of the game. Silverflint may be as codependent but I think the important addition of either Madi or Thomas or (ideally) both, helps make the relationship a lot healthier. If they would actually just talk to each other and work some shit out, it could be great. This is of course contingent on whether you think one or the other could compromise. (The compromise being that they come to some middle ground between Flint giving up the big picture Cause for personal happiness, or Silver throwing in genuinely with the idea of revolution and it being worth the risk of the people most important to him.) The end tragedy of Black Sails sets us in a spot where it doesn’t seem like either Flint or Silver are willing to do so, but perhaps one or the other could grow and change (with helpful mediation, as stated.)

Whereas Hannigram, well. It’s rooted from the very beginning in gaslighting, manipulation, and a completely skewed power balance. It’s absolutely like, this person has done so much bad shit to you, they’ve killed people you love, they’ve sent people to kill you, they’ve lied to you, isolated you, made you fundamentally doubt what kind of person you are etc. But still, you literally can’t cut them out of your life because nothing is ever going to compare to the experience of having them around even if it’s, most often, largely a negative influence. Like, damn. So dark, so unhealthy. They’re the zero-sum game. 

For Will it’s: you love this terrible, terrible thing and you hate yourself for loving it, but also can’t deny it and it makes you feel alive. And for Hannibal, Will’s really the only person who can understand and accept him, but also is uniquely positioned to be able to lie to him, manipulate him in return, and be his utter ruin. They both tried to cut each other out and it didn’t work. So, can’t live with him and can’t live without him. That’s why we end with a cliff dive (impossible choice), Will can’t abide the thought that this thing that is objectively terrible, this ugly thing, is the thing he wants desperately, but he also can’t give it up. So it’s like, “let me try to do my last little bit to society by throwing both our asses off of this cliff b/c we’re both terrible.” Will is so interesting b/c he is at all times living in both the dark and the light and has trouble reconciling these opposing drives. It’s a function of his magic empathy.

(I think they’re metaphorical cliffs also b/c like.... there are no cliffs in Maryland jsyk. What is it with these shows that I like and Metaphorical Cliffs. Edit: I have been corrected there are some cliffs in Maryland but they're not as absurdly high as the ones in Hannibal.)

Anyway, let’s do the one-to-one and talk about Empathy and my Mirrorball boys first. Silver and Will are both extremely good at reading people, seeing what they most need to be, and shapeshifting into it. They both have the ability to shrug on different personas as easy as changing clothes. HOWEVER, the way in which they view this ability is very different. For Will, it’s a curse, he literally cannot turn it off, can’t stop himself from doing it, and it torments him. And I think for Silver, he also does it unconsciously and can’t help himself, but it’s not a torment in the same way. It’s rooted in survival and is an acquired skill that a very intelligent mind learned in order to stay alive. Though I would say they could commiserate on their mirrorball tendencies getting them into trouble/in over their heads.

As for Flint and Hannibal parallels? Well Hannibal is the unrepentant monster who revels in wickedness and largely views the rest of humanity as inferior. He’s having an absolutely excellent time murdering and cannibalizing folks, and the only real thorn in his side is Will Graham and his inability to kill Will b/c Hannibal loves him. 

I think Hannibal is the absolute beast that Flint fears himself to be. And though both are presented as the “destructive orbit” or “intoxicating presence” and both perpetrate great violence... well they’re on opposite ends of the spectrum as far as how they view those behaviors. Flint is drowning in guilt constantly, hates that he has to be this monster, the persona of the dread pirate Captain, and that he’s losing more and more of his humanity every time he does some heinous shit. Whereas Hannibal is a “happy little duckling,” literally feels zero guilt about his heinous acts. Hannibal’s playacting a real man in a lot of ways while Flint is playacting a monster. So, Flint wears a monster suit and Hannibal wears a person suit.

Anyway, I could go on and on about this. The way they use supernatural elements, the way characters embed multiple meanings in subtextual dialogue, how well quotes from Silverflint can transfer to Hannigram and vice versa. Oh the way each show deals with like, queer issues, disability issues. etc etc ad infinitum

But I’ll let this be it for now, lol. If you wanna hear me ramble more, let me know~

THANKS AGAIN FOR ASKING. 

[equalseleventhirds]

this episode fed me so well in so many ways BUT ALSO i’m gonna soup the fear. bcos there were SO MANY fears smushed into this one i LOVED it

(warning for quotes from the episode itself, ofc)

end: ok yeah the whole thing

eye, like a LOT of eye: ‘waiting granite and watching marble’, ‘these graves, they are not silent - they are listening’, ‘they keep their eager vigil’, ‘telling you that it has something to show you, secrets that it wishes to share’, ‘keep it to yourself, though. don’t mention it', ‘the faceless gaze of each sepulchre angel fixes itself upon you’, ‘so keenly aware of the stark imprint you would leave, the marks of your presence’, ‘you know that nothing escapes his eyes’, ‘One hundred and sixty pairs of misty eyes follow your slow procession down the room’, ‘why are her eyes open?‘

spiral? ‘the dates do not make sense’, ‘it calls itself a home, but it lies’

a little dark! which i don’t often get from s5 statements, altho that MIGHT be my fault for being unobservant. anyway: ‘the avenues of darkened, not-quite-moonlit, paving slabs’, ‘jagged peaks of darked wood, and windows from which no light escapes’, ‘a dark shadow moves, a shape that seems to slither from the coffin’

the like, threat of buried: ‘paving slabs, which buckle ever so slightly every step, as though the soil beneath is damp and yielding. hungry’, ‘keep to the middle of the narrowing alley’, ‘the stones, the ones beneath your feet that sink and shift on the swampy ground’

hunt (and like, more so after that one hunt domain that was abt ppl turning against u for acting wrong): ‘a comment, a word, a breath out of place against which they might strike’

corruption: ‘a bloated, purple tongue that tries to whisper reassurance, but can only gurgle promises that smell like sour fruit’, ‘lakes of fly-blown blood’, ‘the air smells of decay and lavender and something else you can’t quite place’, ‘the gushing flow of love and forgiveness you vomit out into the nodding crowd’

vast too, ‘how big is this place? how many miles of eerie edifice’, ‘away and around and away they stretch, row upon row’

mmmmmaybe desolation? ‘the scars that lattice across your body ache and burn at the sight of the one who gave them to you’ has the burning and the destruction vibes but also... could be slaughter?? hm.

‘how can they not smell the blood she spilled? the path of scars and pain she left behind her every minute of her life? she was a monster, brutal and unrepentant’ fucking vibes slaughter-wards tho, and ‘the needle-sharp teeth of her corpse begin to dig into your shoulder’ feels slaughtery AND fleshy

there is... some loneliness in walking among the graves, in being the only living among the dead, and in standing before dozens of people who do not understand your pain and want to hear you lie, but like... there aren’t specific phrases i could find? but it’s a Feeling for sure

i’m... not sure if the faceless angels and the thing abt zombie faces Totally Not Stained With Sin counts as stranger? the fear didn’t seem to be like, about how strange they were, they just happened to be... blank and wrong and stuff. hm.

web (not in the spider sense, in the control sense, which i am noting more and more, not bcos there’s more just bcos i NOTICED it): ‘behind you comes the inescapable, the inevitable sound of an old wooden door being opened’, ‘you feel yourself turning back towards the house, though every muscle in your body screams at you to run’, ‘his hand moves and you move with it, unable to stand against the unyielding strength of his simplest gesture’

fsdljfjk and i’ve hit all 14 now (altho a couple are only Sorta) so might as well say, zombies are the end but they also belong to the extinction, fuck u i do what i want, especially if they’ve got that ‘blood left to bake in the unrelenting sun’ thing going on, and also the idea that they’ll destroy u and be left when u are gone. bingo, even if it’s a stretch in Several places.

[theloyaltyofthewolves]

tag info!

hi lovelies! i’ve gotten quite a few questions abt my tagging system (for those of u who don’t pay attention to that sort of thing/only use mobile, this is my tags page) over the last few days + i thought i’d try to condense all of your questions into a single post to make it nice and convenient. pls feel free to reach out if i missed smth!

1. what are your tags from and what do they mean?

individual tags: 

this is not your destruction bang chan

a tag for chan + the bravery + terror that must have accompanied his flight into stray kids. he has poured everything he has into them. they are his one shot, his only shot. his life, his blood, his greatest creation and sacrifice. this tag, which comes from nothing other than my brain, is a kind reminder to him that no matter how dark it gets, stray kids are an act of love and so will never be a mistake. 

learn to dance; it is your birthright 

a tag for minho. im a terrible person and can’t quite recall where or who i took it from, but i believe it was originally in french. minho came from nothing, built himself on nothing. the strength in his spine comes from suffering and endurance: living through all that life has thrown at you, getting up every single time it has knocked him down. and it has knocked him down over and over and over again. but each time, he gets back up. wipes the blood off his chin. dances. because he is owed this, this expression of love and life and control, one of the most fundamental parts of the human experience. minho dances because he is owed it, because he knows that it his right. 

 there is no sacrifice

my tag for changbin, from a longer piece by arianna reines. the original quote goes ‘there is no sacrifice. you have got to want to live. you have got to force yourself to want to.’ perhaps a little dark, but i believe it reflects the resolution with which changbin throws himself at life. there is no uncertainty in seo changbin. that’s why he’s stray kids’ anchor, their backbone. he’s uncompromising, devoted, resilient. 

 gutted and rising 

for hyunjin, my very favorite embodiment of the fragility of being human. once again, his tag is from a much longer quote by katie ford: don’t say it’s the beautiful i praise. i praise the human, gutted and rising. quite honestly, it is one of my favorite lines of literature in the entire world for how vulnerable and honest it is in its devotion to the human spirit. and that’s of course what i love so much about hyunjin. he is beautiful yes, but he also breakable and delicate and sensitive and irrational and ridiculous and dramatic and sweet and so unbelievably human. such a gentle soul who has seen some of the very worst that humanity has to offer, who has been beaten down and forced to kneel. who has grown tall enough and strong enough to push himself up off the floor and keep going, scarred and gutted and soft and rising.

 all you have is your fire

if uve spent a single second on this blog you will probably know that i have a serious love affair with what a walking contradiction han jisung is. he is so many impossibilities in so little physical form. fierce and shy and angry and brilliant and brave and scared and small and bright. han jisung is on fire all the time. it burns deep within him, burns him from the inside out. you can see it when he enters a room, walks on stage, opens his mouth. the core of him, all that he is, this burning burning burning energy, it flares around him, casts him in gold and red and orange. call it courage, call it fire, call it light, call it whatever you want. it is all that jisung has, just as it is all that small things have. 

 if there is a light im going to swallow it

this is for seungmin, and it comes from yet another one of my favorite pieces of literature. a poem called ‘blasphemies at the 5th street station’ by s. osborn and if there was ever a poem i would like you to read, it would be this one. seungmin’s particular tag comes from the final verse: ‘if there is a light, then i’m going to swallow it. if there is a god, then i’m going to eat him whole.’ appropriate for someone like seungmin who cannot be kept on his knees and who has always existed in a way that is uniquely his own. no authority, no god, no force of good or evil could bend seungmin to its will because he is simply not to be bound. 

 i have loved the stars too fondly

oh yongbokie. his tag fits him so well that it always makes me choke up just a little when i use it. it’s from a famous poem by sarah williams, most likely one that you have heard at least in passing. the poem details a message left by an astronomer on his deathbed to his pupil. “though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light. i have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.” which, to be honest, is so incredibly lee yongbok that i’m not sure i could clarify it any further. 

 as above so below 

jeongin’s tag comes from an age-old saying, one of those idioms that is so ancient, its originator has been long-forgotten. it is often attributed to religious or spiritual meanings, but i like it just find secular. at its essence, the quip describes the integral connection between everything small and big. the earth and the sun, the moon and the tides, the leaf and the cell wall. the way in which things that happen happen to all, no matter how big or small or young or old. befitting of the maknae, i think. an old quote for an old soul trapped in a young kid’s body. 

relationship tags:

and now the loyalty of the wolves

my very general ot8 tag, for moments when i see that little bit of more that filters through stray kids and their unrepentant love for one another. yet another reference to their growth: looking at where they are versus where they once were. stray dogs, nothing more than street hounds, scrappy and feral and dismissed. they did not belong, nor have they ever belonged. but they have grown. now, when they stand on stage, they fill it out. they draw attention and turn heads. they’re still outsiders, still outcasts, still unpolished and raw and untamed. but where once were mutts are now wolves. and now the wolves. and now the loyalty of the wolves.

i will carry you home in my teeth

i’ve mentioned this previously, but this is my tag specifically for chan and his boys. it comes from a mountain goats’ song. it embodies chan’s sacrifice and devotion to his kids, his family, his lifeblood. come hell or high water, chan’s going to get them to that finish line. 

do i look moderate to you?

this tag is from moderation, a trully excellent song by florence and the machine. ‘want me to love you in moderation, do i look moderate to you?’ what better pairing to fit this lyric than hyunjin and jisung? their love was born in violence and it has always been too much. the two of them have always been too much. too much anger, too much blood, too many teeth. the imprints of their fingers are pressed into each other’s chests. they have ripped each other apart, sewn each other back together. do i look moderate to you? do i look like someone who could be with you and not make you feel everything all at once? 

our fate cannot be taken from us

going back to the ancients, this is a quote from dante. ‘do not be afraid. our fate cannot be taken from us; it is a gift.’ something about it has always screamed seungbin to me, something about the impossibility of their relationship. a friendship, a love, a brotherhood that should not exist and yet it does anyway, because they are too goddamn stubborn to let any force, supernatural or otherwise, make their choices for them. 

2. where do ur tags come from?

the very short answer to this question is: everywhere! movies, lyrics, poetry, tumblr posts. i have a pretty long and pretty comprehensive list of tiny pieces of writing that have stayed with me over the years. i look to it often for hope or writing advice or tattoo ideas.

3. can we see it? 

nope. a, it’s too long to conveniently post on tumblr. b, it’s organized categorically in a way that works for my brain, but is unlikely to work for others. c, a lot of it is personal and Not For All Eyes. however, if you do want quotes or inspiration, you are always welcome to ask. give me an idea of what you’re looking for, a mood or an experience, a moment or an emotion, and i’ll do my best. (i also have a secret writing inspiration blog that, were there to be enough interest, i may make publicly available) 

4. okay then, can we have at least a few recommendations for songs or other works that have inspired you?

it depends on what you’re looking for. what kind of feelings do you want to amass listening or reading to something? the end of the world? the free-fall of first love? bitter heartbreak? the insignificance of human kind? tell me what you want + i will do my best to get back to you.

[unicyclehippo]

i assume this is abt the glumshoe post so here:

1.

the season has just begun to turn when the letter comes for them.

daila is gardening in the courtyard when she hears it: the mailbox squealing with months of rust that has grown like sharp orange-brown moss over the hinges. she hurries to stand and, wiping dirtied hands with a handkerchief, she make her way around the house to the front where the mail girl wrestles their letters and a small package into the ‘stupid bloody - don’t you slam on me - good-for-nothin’ letterbox before yanking her hands back and letting it slam shut. she wipes her hands briskly on her pants, nods, and starts to turn away when she spies daila leaning against the low stone wall that surrounds the house.

the mail girl’s name is harry and daila is of the opinion that she is incredibly lovely. lovely with her dark skin and curling hair, mostly trapped beneath her cap, which she touches a finger to in cheeky salute. lovely with her smattering of freckles across smile-rounded cheeks, with her scraped knees and knuckles, with the perpetual buzz of energy that crackles around her from the way she never does sit still, always fidgeting, always tapping a toe or scrunching her face into new and horrible sights for the children in their school seats. it also comes from the bees, always one or two that whirr curiously around her, rising from her backpack and examining her ear or the nearby flowers like fat little scholars, humming to one another.

‘morning, daila.’

‘harry. have some trouble with the letterbox, did you?’

‘no, not at all.’ harry pauses. ‘um, had you been there long?’

‘quite a while.’

‘alright then,’ she laughs, shrugs, ‘we got in a bit of a tussle. i made it eat its words, though.’ harry just laughs again at the hearty groan that earns her and she tucks her hands in her pockets, tries to lean up against her bike and nearly topples the whole thing over, mail bag included. she grins over at daila, unbothered by the show of clumsiness, and from her bag she pulls paper and pencil. she scrawls a quick note and makes a show this time of fighting with the letterbox, slipping the paper inside.

‘someone oughta oil the hinges,’ she says, pushing her bike out onto the road next to where daila leans on the wall. ‘will you tell them?’

daila smiles. ‘no.’

‘oh.’

‘how will i know you’ve arrived if i don’t hear the terrible thing?’ daila shrugs. watches from beneath her lashes with delight as harry’s cheeks darken.

harry messes with her hair and cap for a moment to hide her face before looking up again. nods. draws in a breath to say, ‘will i - well - i was hoping i might see you at the withercaul dance. end of harvest and all. i’ll - if you’re interested,’

daila’s grin presses wide. she’s never heard harry so flustered before.

‘i’ll save a dance for you, if you’re keen.’

‘that dance is a month away.’

harry just touches her cap again. grins, unrepentant and lovely right at her, which shouldn’t be legal. daila has to grip at the wall to keep her knees from sagging, dizzy with adoration. ‘what can i say, i’m keen.’

always fond of having the last word, harry pushes off then and her peddles squeak and squeal all the way down the lane until she disappears behind the corvin’s hedgerow and is gone.

you write the coolest stuff and im kind of in awe of how it can exist in like, the notes of a post? i just dont know how something so cool ends up being so transient i just want to hoard all of your ideas and think about them always

this is gonna sound sarcastic & i want u to know that it is not but all i do is think abt a picture & then write down what i see . im glad u like my brain pictures tho

also if i feel like it sometimes i write things out properly & put them on ao3 so im p sure u can keep those u can download them probably