#just letting my mutuals know what the situation is so I don't have to explain it over and over again

[ashton-slashton]

For anyone who tags me or sends me posts by a certain tumblr user who posts a lot of Brad Dourif, thank you. But unfortunately that particular blog (which shall remain unnamed because I'm not like a TOTAL dick but I'll DM it if anyone is curious) has me and my partner blocked SPECIFICALLY because they're low key a wincest shipper and my partner and I have made it pretty clear we're SUPER not down with that.

So... yeah. That's why I've not been posting a lot of Brad Dourif content. They're like THE main person who posts gifs of him, and they have me blocked. 🤷🏻‍♂️ Oh well!

[stsgooo]

Look at Him.

✩࿐ summary: your attempts at reentering the dating scene is foiled by your ex-husband.

warning(s): past relationship, clingy!gojo, ex-husband!gojo, co-parenting situation, crack fic. wc; 1.6k

pairing(s): gojo satoru x fem!reader

a/n: this is purely just a goof fic because i've put nothing but angst out there so far sooo have a laugh. hope yall enjoy :3

“So, what do you do for a living?”

"A teacher."

"Oh, wow! What grade, subject?"

"Uh, highschoolers and the subject kinda varies on the day."

"Like a substitute teacher?"

"Um....sure, yeah! Substitute teacher."

"That's awesome. Mad respect, kids can be demons."

You were quickly discovering that the dating field had changed in the five years that you had been married. An endless back and forth about what someone did, what's their favorite color, what's their hobbies. Boring questions that you would ask your students on the first day was used in over the table date conversation. Until, until, they got to that question they so desperately wanted to ask.

Would you want to take this back to my—

There was a vibration against your thigh as your date started to go onto a monologue about how much he disliked kids. In all honesty, you couldn't really remember his name. The introductions had been awkward and a little nerve wracking— you were almost sure he had no idea who you were either.

You tugged your phone out of your pocket and resisted the audible sigh that threatened to leave you when you saw the notification.

Satoru please tell me why my beautiful, radiant, amazing, intelligent daughter just said her mommy is on a date. feeling sick to my stomach, don't tell me this is true.

You rolled your eyes. Your ex-husband had always been so overdramatic. His main focus was always on the bit that could come from a situation. However, this was a quality you do used to admire about him. His ability to make any situation seem like it was a funny happenstance that you'd never encounter again.

Now, it was nothing more than a nuisance.

Satoru oh my god, you left me on read. it's true. it's true. i hope you know i just threw up. i threw up everywhere. i might die. at least, tell me he's ugly. please god let him to be ugly.

A sigh, you typed out the quickest message you could without your date asking what's wrong.

You I hope you're not ignoring said daughter to ask me about some date. I'll be home later, please refrain from texting me.

You were about to set your phone down when another text came through. This one appeared to more distraught than the last.

Satoru o h your tone. it's over. it's really over. i might just kill myself this is the worst night of my life. y/n, i'm genuinely feeling sick. please, is he ugly? he must be boring because you're texting back.

You were almost inclined to remind Satoru you both had been divorced for a year already. That this was bound to happen and you two had, in fact, spoken about it months into the divorce. You had played with some 'what if's and there was a mutual agreement that the other wouldn't get jealous and be dramatic about the other getting in a relationship whenever the time comes. It was a surprisingly adult conversation.

You should've known better when Satoru proudly proclaimed he didn't care who you got involved with.

You Satoru, we talked about this. We're adults and we're divorced. Please bother someone else, like Suguru.

Satoru i don't wanna talk to suguru. i wanna talk to youuu (;﹏;) i can't believe you've done this. ten years. ten years of loyalty. im sick to my stomach.

You You asked for the divorce.

"Is everything okay?"

You eyes snapped up from your phone and towards your date. He had the good grace to be wearing a relatively concerned expression, eyeing you wearily.

You quickly tucked your phone back into your pocket, ignoring the insistent vibrations it gave to smile apologetically. "I'm sorry, my daughter had an accident and I had to, you know, send a quick text to her babysitter." It was easier to explain away a daughter than it was a clingy ex-husband who was well in his dissent into insanity. Really, you were doing this guy a favor keeping him in the dark.

However, his face still paled and he straightened. "You have a kidI'm so, so sorry. I just went on a two minute rant about how much kids are equivalent to demons." He seemed to spiral as he pressed his hands against his face, uttering curses to himself. "I get so nervous with these dates. I truly meant nothing by it."

You smiled in amusement, "It's no problem, really. I'm not exactly disagreeing." He peeked from between his fingers and blinked at you dumbly. "Just because I'm a parent doesn't mean I don't agree. I mean, my kid can be a bit much sometimes. I love her, but she's a lot like her dad in that way."

It always made your chest blossom. The way Saori was a carbon copy of Satoru. From the rambunctious personality, to the piercing blue eyes, and white hair. Your genes hadn't won in the battle, but you were almost grateful. Satoru tried to tell you that she had your smile and your wit, but you weren't entirely convinced. She was Satoru and Satoru was her.

You were extremely lucky that he was a good dad.

"Oh? Do you mind me asking if her dad's still around?" His tone was indication enough: a daughter and an ex of some kind was pushing it for him.

You tensed up, feeling deep regret already. "Uh, yeah." His eyes shifted away and you reached forward, taking his hand. "But, he's not, like, crazy or anything! He's just a good dad."

Your date chuckled nervously. "I-I just don't want to get involved in some, um, some family dynamic."

You thought it was a little presumptuous of him to think this would go that far, or he'd get in the way. But you were too focused on defusing the situation.

"Oh, no, it's not like that! We've got a healthy balance, y'know? He does his piece, I do mine— that's it!"

He scrunched his face. "So... an open relationship?"

"No!" You press your hands against your face with a huff. "No, we're not together anymore. We just co-parent."

He opened his mouth to further question you when your phone vibrated very audibly. His eyebrows raising. "Your daughter?"

You sighed. "Please give me one moment."

With jerky movements, you pull your phone from your pocket. The assortment of messages that came where spread over the ten minutes you decided to ignore him.

Satoru okay, you've got me there. but my big heart is breaking. i hope he's ugly and he smells. okay, i spoke with suguru and he said i'm an idiot who should apologize. in my defense, i'm a little itty bitty drunk. and no, saori is not awake. papa put her to bed before bringing out the whiskey. im so sorry my beautiful deity. that not ugly, not smelly man is so lucky to be in your presence and i hope you have a good date. also i hope he gets hit my a car. (＾▽＾)

You I'm going to kill you with my bare hands. Genuinely, count your days, Gojo Satoru.

Satoru hot, hot, hot!!! (●´□`)♡ did he actually get hit by a car?

You Is there something you want?

Satoru him dead. and you home :((((

You You don't want me home. I swear to god, if you're on my couch, drinking when I get home, I will ruin your life.

Satoru promise??? ╰(✿´⌣`✿)╯♡ but, actually, i wanted to ask your opinion on something

You For real?

Satoru for realsies. [Image Attachment]

Completely blinded by your irritation, you don't even hesitate to open the picture as it loads. Although you regret it the moment it does.

It's a picture of Satoru. He's at what seems to be the beach (must've been the fun activity him and Saori were going to join Suguru for), his sunglasses were on the top of his head, and he was grinning at the picture. One hand was resting against his pectoral and the veins in his hand was prominent. An obvious attempt at being charming and flirtatious. It was working too.

If it weren't for the fact that you knew him and were his ex, you might've just swooned.

"Oh, my god, is that him?" Your date was staring at your phone with wide eyes. His face even more pale than before. He started to shake his head as he stood, snatching his jacket from the back of his chair. "No way. I am not getting involved! I'm sorry, you're a nice woman, but I know when I'm not winning. And I'm definitely not winning against that."

Your eyes widened considerably, "What? No! Please don't leave. He's an idiot, I swear there's nothing—"

"He is... a hunk. I am not. In no shape or form am I at all comparable to that. Look—" He reached forward, grabbing your phone and holding the picture up to be beside his face. "Look at the difference! Model who has won Japan's hottest man at least eight times before he's 30 to me— Look at him!"

"It's not even like that!" You snatched your phone back and stared at him in frustration. "He's my ex, I do not want him!"

He waved his hands in front of your face. "I know how this will go. You think you like me and then your super hot and super sexy ex-whatever makes you realize the familiarity is good. Then I get dumped." He straightened, latching his hands onto the lapels of his jacket. "I just realized I am a side character. In my own life. Goddammit."

He barely glanced at you as he paid for the dinner, then left as quickly as he could. Still, you didn't even know his name.

Satoru oooo taking you awhile to respondddd still in love with me? (人◕ω◕)

[misskingshit]

𝘖𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘺 summary: Being a Na'vi, you completely forbade yourself from feeling any kind of affection for the strange creature, but Jake won't give up. Note: It’s me again, it’s been a long time, i’m sorry i didn’t post anything (I don't really know why I apologize, probably nobody cares and nobody is reading this) but i’m here! Am I sick of finding a living being (not human, almost animal) that is blue and non-existent incredibly attractive? yes, but I don't care, he is HOT. xoxo

"Why are you following me Jake?" you asked without stopping on your way to the forest. Your thick accent was impossible to ignore, English was still not your forte.

"Me? I don't do anything, just learning" he answers, playing dumb.

"Following me like a lost pet?" You turned to face him, even so, a smile was plastered on your face.

"Where did you learn that phrase? It's used where I come from… not here" he looks at you strangely. It was true, not a saying the Na'vi used.

"I got to meet your...human friend, Norm, he's a bit weird but he knows a lot about these lands, it's interesting" you said, the fact that these strange beings are finally interested in learning about you and that they take the time to study everything about your home made you feel good and you were excited to hear everything.

"Do you spend time with him now?" Jake asked looking at the ground, brushing past you as he started walking again.

"He gets very close to me and says he likes me, I don't see the problem" you raised your shoulders a little, now you are the one who follows Jake.

"Yes, he likes you too much" you hear a small whisper.

"What?" questions.

A sigh on his part makes you very alert to the situation, not understanding what was happening "where I come from there is something called codes" he says "I think he is forgetting, maybe I should help him remember" Jake squeezes shortly his jaw, although you couldn't see it since he kept walking, turning his back on you.

"Codes? what kind of codes?" poor naive you were.

"He shouldn't get too close to you, much less tell you how much he likes you."

"Why shouldn't he?"

"Because I already like you, are the rules" he replies.

"Those are stupid rules, I don't get it, I like you too like I also like Norm or Dr. Grace, that doesn't mean I can't get close to them..." you stop when you see the abrupt way in which Jake stops his step and turns to talk to you.

"You don't understand, you don't understand the way I like you, it's… different" he says seriously.

"Why are you angry?" you ask, now you are a little more serious.

"It's called being jealous! I'm jealous! You don't understand" he raised his voice a little.

"I don't get it! I'm not of your race and I never will be! You and I are not the same!" You try to escape but he quickly stops you.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, let me explain" he holds you "I like you, the way my heart races when you're around, like when I'm in my real body counting every second to come back and find you again, the way The one where you make this place feel like home to me," he confesses.

"like... like tsaheylu? That's what you say...".

Jake laughs slightly and caresses your cheek with one hand "yes, that's what I mean, the bond" your eyes widen "and I can't stand that the weirdo scientist approaches you because I want you for myself, I couldn't bear to lose you" he meets your foreheads.

The seconds in silence that seemed like centuries to him were killing him little by little, fear was eating him up inside.

"Jake...no, we can't..." he interrupted, again.

"Why?".

"Too many things, our path is not connected, you are temporary here" you start "sooner or later you will have to return to your real body...".

"That is not true, our way is our way, we decide it, the rest is solved later".

His hearts beat a thousand, it was something mutual, they both loved each other, but more than anything you were aware of all the obstacles that stood in their way, but Jake was willing to fight until his last breath to make their paths become one. only.

"Just, let me show you that it can be done" he leans closer to you.

You don't even doubt it, you already know you want it, but the fear is still there.

"I want the bond with you Jake."

———

This is not what i had in my mind, im sorry, this sucks.

I promise next one it’s gonna be better.

(English is not my native lenguage so im sorry for any mistake)

[echobx]

Twin Flame 2 - pervy!bsf!JJ × pervy!bsf!fem!reader

summary: y/n is indecisive about what she wants and tries to blame JJ

word count: 2.3k

warnings: bratty!reader, angsty feels for JJ, miscommunication ig, lying (to the pogues), smut, talk of mutual masturbation, p in v (unprotected), backshots, orgasm denial

author's note: as promised here's part 2 and bc I couldn't fit all of what I needed in here, I'm gonna do a 3rd one on top... what can I say, I'm a sucker for this man

series masterlist ♡ part 1

   Exchanging used underwear in secrecy. That's the best way you could describe the “situation” you had with JJ. 

   You hadn't really managed to do much that first day, not wanting to get caught by your friends and having to explain it all. Maybe you were both more scared of their judgment for how you two acted than for breaking the rules. They were stupid rules anyway, not holding up any weight anymore after the group finally consisted of two couples, Kiara and whatever it was that JJ and you would maybe, possibly, potentially become. 

   You weren't sure if you wanted more than just hanging out that ended with his fingers up your cunt and yours wrapped around his dick. An occasional make out session if needed, but you weren't picky about it. 

   It wasn't the classic get up. No secret love, at least you told yourself that, because you didn't even know what love was supposed to feel like, never having felt it. You just knew that kissing JJ made your head spin, and you felt nauseous afterward. But not in a sick way, not like when you did after drinking one too many stale beers. No, it was more like your stomach wanted to turn itself inside out and the feeling could only be remedied by his touch, by the feel of his lips pressed against you. 

   There were silent boundaries that JJ wasn't about to cross without asking first, either, but he was also too afraid to pose the question. He looked at you with wonder, more so now than ever before, and maybe that’s why it was so difficult. Before the “agreement” he could make jokes about you sucking him off instead of paying for your weed. Or him going down on you for a pack of cold ones. 

   However, that ease had shifted drastically with the moment you had pulled him into the spare room that day. From then on his whole body was only craving one thing, to hear you try to stay quiet for him and to feel your soft touch around his cock; to watch you watch him as he licked his fingers, cleaning off the last drops of your cum; and maybe even more so, to watch you do the same with him. 

   Head and hand were close enough alphabetically for him already, so it didn't make sense to him why he had such a hard time asking for more from you, and granting it in return. 

   “My parents aren't home this weekend,” you told him while getting dressed, pulling your skirt up but leaving your slip lying damp on his bed. 

   “Is that an invitation?” JJ cocked his brow, and you tilted your head to the side. 

   “Sometimes I think you’re scared of coming inside.” The double entendre didn't get lost on him. 

   “I just mean, we've never done that, is all,” he shrugged. 

   “You've been in my room more times than I can count.” 

   “Not like that,” he shook his head two times, exhaling loudly before getting up and picking up a fresh pair of underwear to put on. 

   “Maybe if you had asked earlier,” you shrugged. 

   “Are we still just talking about the room?” 

   “I don't know, JJ, are we?” you huffed, picking up your purse and walking out on him. 

   Your demeanor had become increasingly harder to read for him, and your growing usage of quips and sarcasm, as well as words he had to look up, wasn't helping either. He knew it was just who you are, not your intention to confuse him more. Yet it didn't help much. 

   The next day, he tried his best to not gaze at you, instead keeping his eyes pinned to the ground to not get lost again. He got lost more and more these days. Thinking about letting you ride him, fucking your throat, bending you over; you name it, he thought of it. He went to sleep thinking about you with a growing semi that wouldn't die down unless you took care of it, and woke up with a boner that grew increasingly more painful. To him, it seemed like the only options would be to just be able to fuck you awake or fall asleep with your tight cunt wrapped around him. 

   “How do you ask someone to go down on you?” your voice ripped him out of his thoughts, but he refused to look at you still. 

   “Why? You got someone new?” Kie poked your shoulder, a cheeky grin on her face, and you smiled politely, keeping the facade. 

   “I wouldn't call it that, we're just hooking up- Well, not so much that either,” you sighed and suddenly all your friends had their ears perked, all but one. 

   “Sounds confusing,” Sarah huffed, her legs draped over John B’s on the couch. 

   “I don't know if it is my fault for not suggesting it or his for not wanting to, I guess,” you roll your eyes. 

   “Maybe he doesn't know how to ask either?” JJ noted, looking up for just a second to see them all look at him for a short moment. 

   “What are you and this guy doing?” Kie inquired. 

   “All we do is make out and then get each other off. We've not even fucked yet, and I'm really starting to question if he just thinks I'm ugly or something. Or maybe I'm just so shit at hand jobs that he doesn't even want to do more,” you complained, and this time JJ stared you down as if you had just announced that you ran over a bunch of toddlers. Maybe even worse, he knew he could find some fucked up excuse for why you would need to run over babies. That was just normal, though, everyone was down bad for their best friend. 

   “Maybe you should tell him that, instead of us,” he hissed, pissed at just the thought that you could think yourself to be not enough to grant the pleasures he wanted to give you, no matter how scared he was. 

   “JJ’s right, for once,” Pope spoke up, oblivious to the tension between the two of you. “Open and clear communication always works out.” 

   “Since when are you such an expert on sex?” JJ huffed, which landed him a kick against the knee by Kiara, and a glare from Cleo, who was playing with her knife. It wasn't a smart move on his end, but he had other things to worry about. 

   “I don't think he knows English as much as he should,” you sighed, finally looking away from JJ, who gulped at the insult.

   John B leaned forward with a mischievous grin. “Don't tell me you're fucking that Italian exchange student.” 

   “What? No. That's not what I meant. And he's so not my type either,” you felt affront to the suggestion. “Also, way out of my league, that one, even if I was interested.”

   “Not fucked up enough for you?” JJ quipped, and you shot him a glare. 

   “Apparently, I like mine dumb,” you hit him back. The tension grew worse with the second, and you knew the only way to get rid of it was to let him ruin you, but you didn't want to give him the satisfaction. 

   “Okay, well, just talk to the guy. And if he doesn't wanna go down on you, let alone refuse to fuck you, drop his balls in a boiling pot of water and then drop him,” Cleo suggested and Kiara agreed with her. 

   “Yeah, and give me his address, so I can put chili powder in all his underwear.”

   The discussion died down after that, but JJ yet again refused to look at you, but this time not because he was too infatuated with you. He was angry, sad, hurt, confused. His chest felt narrower than usual, as if he was having an anxiety attack, but worse. And every time your voice nestled itself in his ear, it got worse, to a point where he pushed his chair back and stomped inside without losing another word. 

   However, you didn't think much of it, knowing how quick tempered he was it would also not be the best idea to meet him inside. 

   When you got home, your parents were already asleep. You got ready, taking a shower and putting your hair up before lying down to sleep. 

   At last your quiet was disturbed by your window being pushed open and the sound of heavy boots on hardwood flooring filled the room. 

   “I’m trying to sleep,” you murmured. 

   “I don't care,” JJ growled right next to your face. “Get up!” 

   “What's your problem?” you hissed at him while sitting up, the tiny nightgown you were wearing made his pants grow impossibly tighter.

   “You're a real bitch. Not saying shit to me and then spilling it all to them? Making me look even worse than I already do? Making fun of me?” JJ was seething, and the fact that you didn't show remorse made it worse. 

   “You don't know what you want!” you yell silently, not wanting to wake your parents. 

   “Has it ever crossed your fucking mind that I'm trying to be respectful here?” You were honestly too stunned to speak. After all, this had only started because he really wasn't respectful, at all. “Don't you think I would've fucked you any way possible by now if it was my choice? Don't you think that it tears me apart on the inside to try and not fuck this up by being me?” 

   “Oh yeah?” you huffed, and he ran his hand over his face, nodding. “JJ, I don't want you to not be you. Why would I want that? If I wanted to keep on masturbating for the rest of my fucking life, I wouldn't have fucking proposed this arrangement.” 

   “Oh-” the realization hit him like a ton of bricks. “Well… you know… so…”

   “Not so good with English, just like I said,” you shook your head and his hand shot out to hold you by your throat, not restricting air, but not letting you move either. 

   “You're such a fucking brat, do you know that?” He dipped his head and forced a harsh kiss on your lips. Your hands came up to his pants, fumbling to open the belt and button before he shoved you to lie on your bed. 

   “You wanted me to come by? Expected it?” He sounded dangerous like that, but you liked it, like knowing that he wouldn't actually hurt you, but just play it enough to please you. Or, just enough to “fix your attitude.” 

   “I don't know what you mean,” you said sweetly as he took off his clothes. 

   “That thing you're wearing,” he pointed at the mesh fabric. “Can see all through that. Not something you put on usually.” 

   “Are you complaining about it?” You didn't quite understand what he was getting at. 

   “Hmmm… no. Take it off anyway,” he ordered, and you did. 

   No matter how much he wanted to touch you, feel the round of your tits in his palms, squeeze them, twist your nipples and suck on them, he refrained. He wanted to punish you for playing with him, more. 

   “Lie down,” he pointed at the length of the bed, and you placed yourself on it, head in the pillows, but he shook his head no. “Face down.”

   First you thought about protesting, but you decided against it, turning around and pressing your head into your pillow while your ass was up in the air, the same way your ex had preferred. 

   JJ smacked your ass, and you winced, the sound being smothered by your pillow. 

   “My parents,” you reminded him quickly, and he chuckled. 

   “You better keep quiet then.” 

   JJ didn't really know what he was doing, he only knew that he needed to do it properly and in a way that would have you begging for more, just for him to deny it then. It was a sick plan by an even sicker man. He didn't praise you, didn't talk to you. Kept comments to himself, like the fact that you were so incredibly wet for him, although he hadn't really done anything to you yet. Or when he pushed inside you for the first time and groaned at how tight you were, the perfect fit for him. 

   His first thrust was torturously slow. He wanted to feel you out, every miniscule part of your insides, and imprint it in his mind. How you whined and begged for him to move faster, and to touch you, anything really. 

   “This is just for me, princess, remember?” he taunted after lying down on top of you, nestled deep in your guts. His hands, one on your neck pushing you down, the other under you, pushing against your stomach to make it even tighter for him. Slow deep thrusts did the trick, but as soon as he felt you get closer, pussy starting to flutter around him, he got up and changed his technique. Going faster, nearly coming already, but he paced himself. 

   “JJ, please. Fuck, please,” you begged as you neared the second attempt. 

   “What? Do you want my cum that badly, baby?” he rasped, and you nodded into the pillow. 

   “Need you.” 

   What you hadn't expected was for him to pull out almost completely, starting to jerk himself off while his throbbing tip was still inside you. 

   “JJ, please,” you were close to tears, needing your release as much as air to breathe, and yet he denied you. 

   “Want my cum, baby?” he smirked like the devil, not that you could've seen by the way he pushed you down.

   “Give it to me, please, J,” you whined pathetically.

   As soon as the words had left you, he pushed inside again, spilling himself into your guts and groaning loudly while his dick twitched, and he fucked his seed deeper into you. 

   Maybe you should've felt more used after, but you understood why he had done it. What you didn't understand was that he left as soon as he was done, only a quick, “I hope you're on something,” before vanishing into the night and leaving you behind. 

read part 3 here

please don't copy and/or post my work onto other platforms! ~e©ho

taglist: @redhead1180 @spideysimpossiblegirl @drwstarkeyy @princessmaybank @ijustwantttoread @kys4-20 @immyowndefender @julczimozart @m2m2m2 @mochimms

[moethh]

dashboard simulator but with saints

⚔ knight--lover Follow

I ASKED FOR ROMANCE BOOKS AND THIS IS WHAT THEY GAVE ME???!?!??? WHAT AM I LOOKING AT????? 💀💀💀

♻️ ⚔ knight--lover Follow

nvm this stuffs good 💀

#like actually??? #gonna keep reading these while my leg is still healing #recovery update

15 notes

🌹 littlefl0wer Follow

cosplay!

♻️ ⚜ born-to-do-this Follow

Oh this is incredible! I love it!

♻️ 🌹 littlefl0wer Follow

oh my goodness?! thank you so much!! ❤️❤️❤️

#wow! i didn't know you would actually see this! #i'm so happy you like it!! #<3 #edit: we're mutuals now!!!

442 notes

🌟 host-prince Follow

EVERYONE‼ Below is a list of users who are ACTUAL DEMONS. PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT WITH THEM. Just block and report. Stay safe everyone.

Keep reading

#I am not going to add trigger or content warnings to this post as I want people to see it. #However #you are obviously free to add them to your own reblogs if you wish to do so.

15,837 notes

🔨 just-a-carpenter Follow

🤔

♻️ 💧 locustman Follow

???? Uncle???????? What is this????? What does this Mean????????

♻️ 🔨 just-a-carpenter Follow

👍

♻️ 💧 locustman Follow

???????????????????????????????????? @'mom? Can you explain? Please????

♻️ 👑 mom Follow

Idk

♻️ 🔨 just-a-carpenter Follow

👍

1,118 notes

⚔ knight--lover Follow

PH M

OH MY GOSH. Ok. Rant incoming.

So there's this guy I'm traveling with and GET THIS: HE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN @/mom's PERPETUAL VIRGINITY?!?!??!?!

I'm thinking of killing him. Like. Actually. I'm not even kidding. I genuinely can't decide whether or not I should kill him.

So you guys should decide:

#rant #my polls #tw antidicomarian #cw antidicomarian #please vote or else i'll just let my horse decide for goodness' sake

216 notes

👑 mom Follow

Alright, someone tagged me on @knight--lover's poll so this is my response to it:

♻️ ⚔ knight--lover Follow

Hm. I'll think about it.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

♻️ 👑 mom Follow

YOUNG MAN.

#Ignatius. Come on.

523 notes

🐭 martin-n-mice Follow

Wow! I've just found a ton of these little guys in a part of the monastery I've never been in before!

♻️ 👤 purrtrude

seems like your monastery needs one of these

♻️ 🐭 martin-n-mice Follow

NO!!

♻️ 👤 purrtrude

what? don't like cats?

♻️ 🐭 martin-n-mice Follow

I LIKE THE MICE!!

♻️ 👤 purrtrude

if you could save all the mice in the world, would you if all the cats starved to death?

♻️ 🐭 martin-n-mice Follow

??? What?????? I am so confused.

Are you implying that cats only eat mice, and if they couldn't, then they would just. Die? What is happening.

♻️ 🕯 claaaaaare Follow

Hey, @fraaaaaancis. Just curious how you would solve this.

♻️ 🐺 fraaaaaancis Follow

Hm. Well, it seems that St. Gertrude's situation is implying that you could only save either all cats or all mice with no survivors on the other side. To me, she is just asking which animal you like more.

There is really nothing to solve? This whole situation is very strange.

♻️ 🐱 gertie-the-kitty Follow

THATS NOT EVEN ME??? WHO IS THAT THAT IS NOT ME

@host-prince @host-prince @host-prince??????

♻️ 🌟 host-prince Follow

purrtrude is definitely Not You.

♻️ 📜 more-of-thomas Follow

OP is this your post?

♻️ 🐭 martin-n-mice Follow

#wghhhhghghhh #i just wanted to show off the mice...... #they're living happily by the way! i bring them food!

374 notes

🎨 luke-the-artpostle Follow

#my art #artists on christblr

1,852,658 notes

🐲 marthamartha Follow

look at this Thing. with that look you would probably think that the man just so happened to crawl in its mouth. what a Creature.

anyways does anyone have a sword

♻️ 🐲 marthamartha Follow

WILL PEOPLE IN THE NOTES STOP TELLING ME TO KEEP IT??? AS IF IT HASN'T KILLED PEOPLE?????

in case anyone forgot, this is a literal DRAGON

♻️ 🐲 marthamartha Follow

@turn-me-over-im-done-on-this-side???????????? what??????????

♻️ 🍳 turn-me-over-im-done-on-this-side Follow

I fail to see what needs explaining. Where did it live?

♻️ 🐲 marthamartha Follow

I-

Ok. It lived in the water.

♻️ 🍳 turn-me-over-im-done-on-this-side Follow

hm. Maybe it would taste like fish?

♻️ 🐲 marthamartha Follow

Maybe. I honestly don't know what the townspeople did with the body. They just asked me for help 🤷‍♀️

♻️ 📜 more-of-thomas Follow

#??????????????? #I am somewhat concerned for you two #(for all of my mutuals actually but as of seeing this post right now I am very concerned for Lawrence especially) #But I shan't say that I'm surprised considering that Lawrence told jokes while he was burning alive #and now that's his username for some reason #As a fellow joke-maker I suppose I admire that? #But as a human being I am concerned

563 notes

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

up until recently i ran a pretty popular radfem blog (stay with me, this ask is in good faith) but after i took a social media detox, i realized i don’t share those beliefs anymore and in fact i might be trans myself. i just kind of abandoned the blog, but i’d feel bad if i didn’t tell my followers what happened. i’m scared of telling anyone because i feel like i’d be a bad feminist if i transitioned. (i know, you can be trans and a feminist just fine, but that’s just the kind of thing radfems tell you.) even worse, i’m scared of posting about it on my main or radfem blog because radfems and trans people by and large hate each other (obv), and i’m scared to mention i’ve been in both groups because of the hate i’ll get

Lee says:

When I first started as a mod, I would have told you that you need to immediately post on all your blogs to disown the transphobic beliefs you had previously expressed to try to make up for the harm that you may have perpetrated as a radfem.

Now that I'm a little older, my feelings on the topic have shifted a bit. Before anything else, I think you need to slow down and make sure that you ensure your own safety and mental health.

If you believe that revealing this change to your followers could result in backlash online that would affect you emotionally, it's crucial to prepare by turning off anonymous asks and muting notifications from social media apps.

You should also make sure you have a non-online place to turn for support. If they used to be your community, you may feel like you've lost online friends, so make sure you don't become too isolated. Instead, lean on your IRL connections and seek support from trans-friendly people in your community.

You may even want to consider looking for a therapist-- questioning being trans can be difficult for anyone, and adding a layer of internalized transphobia doesn't help.

When you're ready to share your feelings on your blog, you should write a thoughtful post explaining your journey. You don't have to justify your identity; rather, focus on your personal growth, how your views have evolved, and how you came to understand yourself better. Acknowledge the complexity of the situation and that you're still learning.

These people were once your buddies and there's a chance you may be able to make some of them question their beliefs too if you don't lash out at them and trigger that instinctual defensive us-versus-them mindset, so I would try to keep a friendly tone even while noting that you no longer support them.

So thank your followers for their support and engagement over the years, but tell them you aren't comfortable staying part of their community now that you've realized that the beliefs underpinning the group are doing damage and you are trying to unlearn that type of thinking.

Gently challenge any misconceptions you once held or promoted. Clarify that being trans and feminist are not mutually exclusive and that everyone deserves respect and equality, regardless of their gender identity.

If you're comfortable, share resources that helped you on your journey. This could be educational materials, support groups, books you found helpful, or contact information for trans-supportive LGBTQ+ organizations. If there's anything you'd recommend to others who were once in the same place as you were on getting out, this is the time to share your advice.

Understand that reactions will likely be mixed. Some followers may feel confused, betrayed, or angry, while others might be supportive or even share their similar experiences. Remember, you're not responsible for their reactions and you don't need to respond to them if you don't want to argue and they aren't willing to have a respectful conversation.

Be clear about your boundaries. Let your followers know what kind of comments you're willing to engage with and that hate or harassment won't be tolerated. You can even stop engaging with the account altogether if you don't think you can deal with the hate that you may receive.

You don't have to post about this immediately. Again, it's okay to take as much time as you need to feel ready. It's okay to wait until you're in a safe and stable position before making any announcements.

If you do post about it and get hate, remind yourself that you're doing the right thing by letting go of that community, and that you're not only making the right choice for your own life in allowing yourself the freedom to explore your gender identity but you're also doing the right thing overall since you're now standing up for the trans community (late is better than never!) and no longer encouraging transphobic narratives.

If you feel that your current blog is no longer a space where you can express yourself authentically, consider starting a new blog or platform where you can write freely about your experiences and beliefs. Or just get offline altogether-- your digital detox is what started this, so maybe it's healthy for you to continue it for a while!

If you tell someone "I support trans folks" and they send you hate, that person is not your friend anyway. This is an opportunity to meet nice people who you can be yourself with. I would really encourage you to connect with IRL activists who are actually regularly volunteering and doing something concrete for their community if you have the opportunity.

When I was in high school, I volunteered at my local library's teen advisory board, and when I was in college I volunteered at a local hospital and through my college. This weekend I'm starting training for volunteering in-person for my town's emergency preparedness group which also does things like help to unload trucks for the food pantry, and I also volunteer remotely for two organizations online.

I'm really pushing for you to get out and volunteer (online or IRL) because I know one draw of the radfem community is feeling like you're an activist and that you're supporting women's rights and protecting and defending women. And it is important to support women's rights and protect and defend women! But there are other ways to do that beyond running a hateful blog attacking trans women.

I have a friend who works at an organization for survivors of domestic violence, for example, and she works with volunteers who help staff events, answer the hotline, etc. You can look around and see what local initiatives there are in your community and if you can't find the thing you're looking for you can start a group yourself or look online and join a national or state-wide cause that you care about, like pushing the legislature to support access to abortions.

Giving up the radfem community doesn't mean giving up feminism, and this is a good opportunity for you to take a look at your own time, your values, and think about how you can take this chance to start working to be a more effective feminist. Not everyone has to be an activist, but if you want to be one, think about how you can start doing good in a way that will actually affect people in a positive way.

I've also often been involved in doing events like conferences and workshops and panels IRL from my time in high school to the present day to try and educate folks on the community, but I also know that sometimes you need to take a step back and prioritize yourself. If you think you're not ready to jump into making change that's also okay. Just join something. A soccer team, a book club, anything hobby-related, to have something else to do and talk about and think about and stay tethered to feeling part of something.

Remember, it's okay to grow and change. You're not betraying anyone by being true to yourself. It's a courageous step to admit when your views have changed, and it's an integral part of personal growth. Be kind to yourself during this process.

Whether or not you end up identify as trans, you still will be doing the right thing by separating yourself from that community. I know it may be difficult because they were a place where you felt supported and part of a movement, but I really believe that you're taking steps in the right direction by letting go of that ideology and just living your life!

Followers, if you have any experiences unlearning toxic beliefs please reply with your advice for anon!

[justwonder113]

Hi! I came across your blog and I literally had a reading marathon! The way you write is just *chefs kiss*

can I request female reader x han, where you’re in his room doing each others makeup and you end up kissing and teasing each other and making a mess with the makeup, then a member walks in on you straddling his lap but nonethless they’re met with such a cute sight 😌

Aww I can not simply describe how much it means to me that you like my writing. Thank you so much for reading my work and requesting such an adorable fic idea!!!! I loved writing every second of it and I really hope it is what you had in mind and that you will like it.

Warnings: I don't think there's any? Please tell me if I missed anything Reader being whipped and showering Hannie with affection. Not proofread.

word count 1 k

Masterlist

Soulmate- a close friend or romantic partner with whom one has a unique deep connection based on mutual understanding and acceptance. Well it is how meeriam webster's dictionary describes it. But it it so much more it can not simply be described by words. The Greek philosopher Plato wrote that humans once had four arms, four legs and two faces. He explained that Zeus split us in half as a punishment for our pride, and we were destined to walk the Earth searching for our other half. Some people spend their entire lives searching for their soulmate. Some people have the pleasure of finding their other half, some don't. Some of them are so skeptical they give up on the whole idea of it.

You were always curios about who would capture your heart and who would be the one who made you feel so complete and full of love that you could call them your soulmate. You have always wondered how you would find out that they, they are the one, that's my soulmate. That's who I want to bond my life if.

Never in your wildest dreams would you imagine that you would realize you've found your soulmate, in the middle of the night, with your room dimly lit and music softly playing in the backround, laid across your bed trying to hold in your giggles as your boyfriend, the chaos incarnate, aka Han Jisung is trying to to put makeup on your face. This whole situation is ridiculous but you've never felt more at peace. You're sure now. This is the one you want to spend your life with. This boy who managed to capture your heart with his boba eyes and gummy smile is your soulmate. To think that you would realize this in such a ridiculous moment like this.

You don't need a mirror to know what you look ridiculous. You knew both of you would end up looking like circus clowns before you even took your makeup brushes out. That's why you went all out on his face and my god did he look ridiculous. But hey, you were also ridiculous, because looking at him, all dishelmed and with caked on makeup, messy hair and mischevious glint in his sparkly eyes, prettiest smile on his face as he proudly gazes at his own art, you have never been more in love.

"We need to even out the lipstick now." He looks away for a second and that's when you seize your chance. With one swift movement you switch your place with him. Han lookes up to you with wide eyes, clearly not expecting you to overpower him. "Wow this was really hot not going to lie!" He breaths out after a second, you can't help but roll your eyes.

"What a dork." You lean in and seal your lips together. You feel like you're overflown with love and all you want is to show him just how much you love him. You place gentle but firm kisses against lips, absolutely loving how he immediately responds to each and every one of them makeup long forgotten. You love how tightly he's holding onto your lips and how he chases after your lips when you lean back to let both of you breathe.

Sometimes you really can't believe that he's actually yours. You always get so owerwhelmed with love all you want to do is to shower him all the affection. And that's what you're set on to do. Feeling satisfied on the amount of kisses you left on his lips you decide to migrate them a little. Softly cradling his chubby cheeks you migrate your lips to his chin, his jaw, his cheeks, his nose, his forehead, everywhere you can reach. You want him to know just how precious he is to you. God you feel like you're under some type of love spell. You just can't stop kissing him.

And how can you when he looks so delicious? You could eat him up if you could. His hair is even more messy, his whole face is covered in your makeup and you can swear that red has never looked more better on anyone. His breathing is a little bit rugged, his skin is all flushed, which is apparent even under all that makeup, he has this lovesick smile while his eyes look a bit dazed while still shining like the brightest star for you. Does he even realize what he does to you?

"What brought this on?" He asks after he finally catches his breath. He leans up a bit so now you're in his lap, his arms tight around your waist.

A smile creeps up on your face, you gently move the hair out of his forehead and leave a little kiss there, smiling even more at the imprint of your lipstick on the center of his forehead. Just how much lipstick did he actually put on your lips?

"You make me believe in soulmates." Han looks surprised at fist, then unsure how to react before the brightest smile creeps up on his face. Suddenly your positions are switched yet again and you're on the bed while Han is the one covering your face with millions of kisses while muttering between each and every one of them just how much he loves you.

Unbeknownst to you, while you're all lovely dovely Chan had opened the door to Han's bedroom wanting to ask him something, let's just say there's this video going around in your friend group now where you look like two idiots in love. You wanted to die of shame when you saw it the first time, but upon closer inspecting it, the way you two looked at each other... You really found your soulmate.

[selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs]

Back to the Self Aware! BSD AU x Black Butler Crossover

________

Same voice actors time again.

While Ace didn't get into the Real World (I have an ask about him, that ask is in a process of being answered, and I am planning to write about his situation in the future [Somewhere after Fyodor's entry]), let's imagine, that he also got into the real world with the rest of the cast.

Ace didn't like GL. Mostly because GL didn't have anything good to say about Ace. Add Karma in top of it. He just keeps everything to himself, staying away from GL and BSD Cast.

So, after Black Butler get into the real world. And Reader are happy to see almost everyone from them. And form mutual respect with Sebastian...

_____

Reader: Thank you, Sebastian, for helping with the dinner.

Sebastian: My pleasure, [Y/N].

Reader: You know, despite being a demon, you are a savior for this place. Helping to feed everyone and keeping the mansion tidy.

Sebastian: quiet chuckle

Reader: grinning Still can't believe it. Someone, I thought wasn't real, is in my house. And I can talk to them, and their voices are voices I get used to. No need to pay for VA's lines.

Ace: barging in Why you little?! This demon and I have the same voices! Why you have never complimented my voice? Am I not enough for you? What he has, that I don't have?

Reader: look between Ace and Sebastian Do you need the short list or the long?

_________

If we count Season 2 characters

Alois felt jealous, because every demon (Sebastian, Claude, Hannah and Triplets) treat you with genuine respect. He was afraid, that you will steal Claude from him. You assured him, that you already have your own demon (*cough* Fyodor *cough*) and don't need any more demons.

__________

William T Spears and Kunikida quickly became friends. Unfortunately for them, Dazai and Grell also became friends.

_______

(Slightly) non-related idea. I have a feeling, that Grell will love Edna Mode from The Incredibles.

______

Undertaker made a new coffin for Bram. Many coffins. Because Bram was "that one client", who will always find something to complain about. Then Undertaker snapped.

*during dinner one day*

Undertaker: to Bram Just how big of a coffin you need? I have been redoing it for the fifth time already.

Bram: Big enough for two people to fit. I want our weekly cuddle time with My Little Bat, My Dear [Y/N] to be as comfortable as possible. Especially, when others cuddle with [Y/N] in beds during their cuddle time.

*Black Butler Cast froze. Lizzie dropped the teacup. You are covering your face with both hands. You felt like you will burn in a flame of embarrassment.*

/Next lesson of "How to live in this world and this age" for BB Cast was focused on explaining, what "polyamorous relationship is"./

[herejusttosufferalong]

Ok here's my working theory. I just feel like getting it off my chest as I've been so confused about so much since the PT ended - like I just really haven’t been able to get my head around what happened with L. I would love your thoughts!

I do believe/agree with everyone's perception that L may have had feelings for N for a long time (maybe a spark since the beginning, and a fire since season 3). I don't know if I think N had a crush on him too, before or during season 3. They clearly have love and amazing chemistry. He sparkles with her and looks at her like she’s the love of his life. She sparkles with him too, but she also sparkles with everyone and even alone.

I don't know what happened during or after season 3 between the two of them (if anything did), but we know they ended up apart last summer and L found distractions (from his breakup with J, maybe from his feelings for N) in HBS and then, eventually, a budding relationship with A (of whatever kind it is). Maybe he even started to like A, and maybe he thought it could really go somewhere, who knows? He then sees N again at reshoots in December, and then the PT starts in January, and his big feelings are still there/get stronger as they spend time together again.

What I haven't been able to make sense of is how come, with these big feelings, he not only stayed with A through it all but also brought her around to different locations during the PT, where he was with N (and flirting with N) - because it seems to me that A's presence all but guaranteed that nothing would actually happen with N, so why would he want that outcome if he in fact wants N (and if N was available)? It seems clear that he doesn't have the same big feelings for A as he does for N. I also haven't made sense of how someone who seemed soooo sweet and lovely and doting and soft on the PT with N could be with, and return to, such a (seemingly) vapid situation with A, where he seems not only miserable but almost like a completely different person than he showed us during the PT and how his costars describe him to be (and he's also been treating A more poorly than he treated N - at least publicly).

Now, JD has been in N's orbit for at least 2 years - he's been in productions with Louisa, Laurie, and Dylan (at least). I also remember photos showing that he was at CW's wedding in October, so he's clearly been an entrenched part of the friend group for some time (the fact that they more recently followed each other on insta doesn’t mean they didn’t know each other before). So let's *assume* for a second that JD and N are actually together now (and that that's what the pap pictures show us). He seems to mesh well with who N is and her friends/lifestyle. What if N and JD's friendship had been blossoming, with more one-on-one time, turning into a mutual crush, then turning into something more at some point. What if L knew about this because it was taking place before/while N and L were on the PT together. If N and L are BFFs, N could have talked to L about what was happening with JD. And this would explain why L - to protect his heart - kept bringing A around on the PT (despite not seeming to enjoy her presence there) because he didn't want to be single while watching N fall in love with JD. 

Everyone wonders why on earth L brought A to the London premiere (especially given what ended up happening with pap-gate, which I personally don’t think L planned/knew about) - but you know what, JD was there with N's friends too! Maybe L knew that JD would be there, and he knew how shitty that would feel, so he also wanted to have someone with him too (hence A's presence). But remember the conversation on the red carpet, where they're asked for dating advice, and N kind of pointedly says, "wait for the right person, you're worth it" and L looks uncomfortable. Maybe that was N subtly expressing concern about L’s situation with A, as his BFF and not because of any romantic feelings she has for him. But of course, if L had unrequited (probably not communicated) big feelings for N, it explains his discomfort and also his subsequent behaviour with A - carrying on with her after pap-gate (Milan, LA, GQ/Soho House, bday in Italy), while looking miserable, as a continued distraction from his heartbreak over N. It could also explain why he let everything with his public image kind of go to shit (both because he was sad and also because he was still protective of N).

I agree with everyone that by the end of the PT, N started to return L’s heart-eyes and that of course remains confusing. But she's such an effusive and loving person, and she was so proud of him/them for their season and PT, and nostalgic that their big adventure together was ending, that maybe she was feeling so much love for L, her BFF, but not *in love* with L. (Her heart-eyes for Luke T at the London premiere is an example of how she can be so loving with her male friends.)

An imperfect theory, but it's the only one I've landed on, after being confused for months, that helps me to reconcile the L we saw in the PT (N's version of L) with the L of the summer (A and SoHoe’s version of L) - the latter of which has frankly confounded me! - because his summer  behaviour can then be explained as a symptom of his unrequited love (for N) and heartbreak (a Sad Boy Summer).

Does this means that L is (in Suffer’s words) still biding his time and waiting for the end of N and JD?

(Of course, big caveats to all this, we don't know anything! We don't know for sure N and JD are together, or what the status really is/was between L and A. This is all my perception of things from what they show us publicly, I’m just trying to make sense of my own confusion about L.)

this is all opinion 😔

[hippolotamus]

Sentence Sunday ✨

I can show you lies 'Cause I'm a real tough kid, I can handle my shit They said, "Babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it" and I did Lights, camera, bitch smile, even when you wanna die I was grinning like I'm winning, I was hitting my marks 'Cause I can do it with a broken heart

Beloved mutuals and pocket pals... I honestly don't know what to say for myself. This is a case of 'I listened to a song too much, I had an idea I knew I was never gonna write' turned 'I'll just throw it out as a prompt' --> 'I'll just make a moodboard' --> 'Oh god, I've written over 1k words in place of a summary'. SO. Have... whatever this is, T Swift influenced Buddie actor au. Under the cut to save your dash.

Honestly, if the world still exists in the morning, Eddie Diaz doesn't really give a fuck. His girlfriend left, claiming he's still not over his late wife, and his teenage son, the last thread connecting him to said wife, went to go live with his grandparents. After, of course, blaming Eddie for pushing 'yet another one' away. Christopher wouldn't even look at him before he went.

Then there's Anita Mills, his agent, who is probably a few blood pressure points away from a stroke at this point. Assuming she doesn't fire him first.

Let her, he thinks, grabbing a bottle of Maker's Mark from the cabinet. He has a string of blockbuster films to his name, not to mention a commendable collection of Oscar's and Emmy's. Not that they made his parents proud or kept his wife from leaving him before she died. But they exist as proof that he's had a successful career. Between investments and liquid assets he has more money than he would know what to do with in a hundred lifetimes. So, fuck it.

Eddie breaks the wax seal and twists off the red cap. He doesn't even bother with a glass, not really seeing a need. He's never been a big drinker, but lately his tolerance has grown considerably. Indulging until he passes out seems like an ideal use of his time right now anyway. If he wakes up after? Well, he'll consider that a success.

------------------

"Hey! What the hell?!" Eddie manages, coughing and trying not to choke on the ice cold water hitting his body. He opens his eyes to see Mills towering over him, glowering and holding an empty vase. He swipes a hand across his face. "Seriously, Anita, what the fuck was that?"

"I don't know, Eddie, you tell me." She disappears for less than a minute, returning with a hand towel she unceremoniously drops on his chest. "Help me out here. What's today?"

He wriggles himself to something resembling sitting and leans back against the coffee table. "What's today?" He parrots back dumbly.

Anita crosses her arms and quirks an eyebrow. "I asked you first."

Today, today, today. Where was he supposed to be- "Shit! The interview with, uh, fuck." He snaps his fingers and racks his brain trying to remember a name or a face. All he knows is they're important.

"Claudette Collins. Very good, Eddie, you got it part way."

"Give me ten minutes, I'll put myself together and we can go," he says, fighting the violent wave of nausea that hits as he scrambles to stand up.

"Save your poor carpet from getting puked on and sit the hell down."

"What? No, I can-"

"Eddie," Anita interjects, "the interview was five hours ago. The interview with the Claudette Collins. The one that took me months of phone calls, groveling and cashing in favors to get for you."

Fuck. "Anita, I'm so sorry. How-"

"Save it." Anita holds her hand up, effectively silencing him. It takes him back to being seven years old and having to explain why his dad's truck had an enormous dent in it. She rests her hands on her hips, pacing back and forth as she purses her lips. Eventually she sits in the leather armchair situated in the corner. "Eddie, you and I have known each other a long time. A long time. I've been your agent since you walked into my shitty office back in Dallas. Given your impressive display of awards, I'd say we've done pretty well together."

She inhales sharply, rubbing at her temple. Anita doesn't mince words, it's part of why he's always liked her. He never has to question where he stands. She says 'jump' and he knows exactly how high. It's not difficult to guess what's coming next.

"Eddie, I know you're going through a rough patch. What you're dealing with is hard enough without seeing it splashed on every tabloid and trashy website. Not to mention none of those places knows the real story, so it's all a bunch of 'she said he might have said' bullshit. But you've made it through tougher things." Anita doesn't need to clarify that she's talking about Shannon's death and how his parents tried to take Christopher. "I don't know what's happening this time, but I need to take a step back. My wife has made it very clear that all of my attempts at stress management are not working and that if I can't get it under control I shouldn't be surprised when I come home to an empty house. So."

Eddie swallows, waiting for the inevitable and cursing himself for pretending he wouldn't care.

"I've talked to a few friends in the business and found someone willing to take you on."

What?

"What? You're not firing me?"

Anita's features soften. "Technically, yes. I am very much dropping you like a scorpion I found in my boots. However, like I said, I found someone willing to work with you. The name is Bobby Nash. He runs a smallish agency but don't let that throw you. He's cobbled together some pretty impressive talent. I assume you've heard of Evan Buckley?"

Eddie scoffs. "Of course I have. Who hasn't? Christ, he's everywhere you look. I can't pass a damn bus stop without seeing his face." A few details begin to click into place within Eddie's muddled brain. "Bobby Nash is his agent?"

"Sure is. And we all know the stories about Evan's past aren't the type you trot out at parties. My advice is that you don't look a gift horse in the mouth, go with Nash and do whatever he tells you to do. He even has a role in mind for you, costarring with Buckley. What do you say?"

What else was there to say? If Eddie didn't want to get blacklisted or wind up as some washed up tragic Hollywood story, being gossiped about where everyone - including his son - could see what a failure he was...

"I guess I say- when can I meet him?"

"Good answer." Anita clasps her hands together and gives him her signature smirk that tells him she approves. "Just leave everything to me."

Up to this point, Eddie has trusted Anita implicitly with all the messy business that comes with having him for a client. Why stop now?

tagged by @loveyouanyway @spotsandsocks @wikiangela @tizniz

np tagging @actuallyitsellie @epicbuddieficrecs @a-noble-dragon @mountedeverest @fortheloveofbuddie

@weewootruck @saybiwithme @bidisasterevankinard @shipperqueen6 @ramonaflow

@taketheplanspinitsideways @dangerpronebuddie @theotherbuckley @stereopticons @kitteneddiediaz

@daffi-990 @diazsdimples @your-catfish-friend

@thekristen999 @filet-o-feelings @underwaterninja13 @lizzie-bennetdarcy @rainbow-nerdss

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Through The Years

Váli x Asta

Jotun!King!Loki Laufeyson x fem!Æsir!Queen!Reader

Summary: This story takes you and Loki on a journey through the twins life. From their first steps all the way to their first time falling in love.

Warnings for this Chapter: fluff, suggestive smut/light smut, first time, virginity loss? some mutual pining? supportive Y/N and Loki!

Word Count: 7k (Whoopsies... 😅)

a/n: Just like the last chapter, was this chapter also a very important one for me. I really love the twin boys and to give them a partner meant a lot to me. And I love how different Váli and Áki are. 🤗

Thanks to @fictive-sl0th for the hook-up lines.

❄️Chapter Five ❄️ Epilogue ❄️

Ice Flower AU Masterlist ❄ Loki Masterlist ❄ Masterlist

Chapter Six - Váli Finding Love

It wasn't the first time he was watching. He always was. Since the day the Asgardian ambassador stepped through the doors of the palace - alongside his daughter. Váli knew - was very aware that this wasn't how a prince should act. Hiding behind the thick stone columns and trying to catch a few glimpses of the beautiful young woman with her long, black hair and breathtakingly blue eyes. And yet, he did it. Especially after his father had introduced them. An event, from which the memories stayed present in the forefront of his brain; doomed to never be erased or forgotten...

"Son, come in," the king spoke with a smile on his face. Váli had just accidentally bursted into the meeting his father had - unbeknownst to the prince. "Apologies, dad, I-I didn't mean to, uh, interrupt." He answered almost shyly; taking small steps closer. Loki met him halfway, placed a hand on his shoulder, "Don't be. You couldn't know." and guided him through the big room the king called his study; until they reached the table - and the guests. "I want you to meet our guests, Váli." Loki started, and as if on command, the man and young woman stood up from where they sat. "Let me introduce to you… The Asgardian ambassador Sir Larsson." The elder man took a bow. "It is a pleasure to finally meet you, my prince," he said; giving Váli a smile. "And this young lady is Sir Larsson's daughter, Asta," Loki continued; gesturing to Asta. Váli's eyes fell on the ambassador's daughter - and he was immediately smitten.

Asta curtsied, "Your highness." and addressed him. Váli felt instantly how his hands got sweaty and his cheeks red. The prince wasn't used to talk to women. Unlike his brother, he wasn't a womanizer. Well, Áki was technically speaking a maneater - but the point still stood. "I-It's a, uh, pleasure to make y-your acquaintance, L-Lady Asta," Váli stammered out; internally cursing at how much of a fool he made out of himself.

That was the first time Váli was eye-to-eye with the beautiful, young lady - and he wasn't able to let go since. Whenever he saw her, it just sparked something within him... Interest. Not that Váli didn't have several love interests before, but the young prince was way too shy to make a move on them - and it was going to go the exact same way with Asta. That's what Váli feared. Hence, he was certain of it - if not a wonder was going to happen…

Once more, the prince lurked carefully around the column - but to his surprise, nobody was there anymore. Not the ambassador, not Asta, nor his father. He must've sunken so deep in thoughts, that he missed them leaving... He shrugged his shoulders; turned to leave - and almost crashed against another body. The prince's eyes widened to the size of plates, when his brain registered who exactly was standing right in front of him. "Hello, prince Váli." Asta.

"L-Lady A-Asta, h-hello, I-I..." He swallowed hard; knowing that he got literally caught in the act. "I-I, uh, it's not... Not what it looks like! I-I mean, yes, it is - but also not! I totally wasn't spying!" Váli stammered; trying to helplessly explain this situation. Asta raised an eyebrow, definitely confused. "I-I wanted to talk to my father, I... Excuse m-me." Before the situation could get even more unpleasant, Váli escaped and literally ran away.

After disappearing in the safety of his chambers, he pressed his back against the door; his head hitting the rich wood with a gentle thud. He had made a fool out of himself - like so often, when it came to talk to women, and especially Asta.

The days passed by, and Váli couldn't stop thinking about Asta - like usually. But whenever he saw her somewhere in the palace, he avoided her; too afraid of another collision. But he also didn't want to just 'give up on her', so the prince decided to do something he actually never wanted to do - but he saw no other way...

On the following day, he made his way to the royal training grounds. It was beautiful outside. The sun was shining and a soft breeze rustled the trees of Jotunheim. The perfect day for training. Váli wasn't there to train, though - but he knew who else was definitely there to train... And he was right. In the distance, he already saw him, currently lifting weights in the form of stones. To Váli's relief, nobody else seemed to be around, so he took his opportunity and approached his twin brother.

"Áki?" The warrior lifted his head at the call of his name; ruby eyes meeting Y/E/C ones. "Vál, hey. What are you doing here, huh? I highly doubt that you came here to train, do you?" Váli shook his head; coming to stand beside his bulkier twin. "No, I... Uh, I came here, because I need your help." Áki lifted a prettily heavy looking stone high up in the air, while eying his brother suspiciously. "My help?" "Yeah..." "And you need my help for...?" "I, uh, I..." "Vál... Stop beating about the bush and tell me what you need. We are brothers, for Odin's sake! No need to be ashamed." Váli sighed and ran a hand through his thick, blonde curls. "I, uh, need your help with..." "With?" "With a girl," he whispered, but Áki understood him anyways, and looked at his twin with wide eyes. "A girl?" "Yes, a girl." A small giggle escaped the warrior's lips, before he started to smile smugly; eyebrows waggling. "Oh.Ho.Ho! Look at that... My brother's got his eyes on a girl! Is it a wonder? Perhaps!" "Shut up." Váli grumbled and crossed his arms over his chest. That was exactly the reason, why Váli didn't talk about such things with his brother... He'd only tease him to death.

Áki let the stone fall to the ground and hit Váli's arm in a brotherly way, but this gesture made him stumble forwards and almost caused him to kiss the sandy ground. "Oh, come on, Vál! You know I am only teasing you. Now... How can I help you?" Rubbing his arm, the prince turned to face the other prince again. "I... I need you to teach me how to flirt and, uh, gain her attention. Please? I-I mean you are maneater - kind of, and I am... just me, you know. And whatever you did, it worked with Sađi, so please... Help me?"

Áki blinked. "I already told you, I was going to help you, but wow... That sounds really desperate, brother. But don't fret! We are going to make this!" Áki announced, smiling and wrapped his arm around his shorter sibling. "Now, for starters, I need to know which lady we are talking about. Do I know her?" Váli nodded. "Y-Yes. It's Lady Asta." Once more the warrior's eyes widened. "The ambassador's daughter?!" He wolf-whistled. "She's a damn fine woman, brother. You have a good taste; I must give you that. If I were into women, I'd definitely cast an eye on her, too. Lucky for you, that I am not." The shy prince's cheeks reddened. "You, uh, think so?" Áki smiled. "Yes, I do! Now, let's see how you can impress her, eh?" Váli nodded; fumbling nervously with his fingers, while Áki tapped his chin in a thinking manner. "Why don't you ask her, if she wants to accompany you to the ball next week? You can talk, dance..." He started, then waggled his eyebrows again. "... kiss." "Áki!" "What?!" "It's not really appropriate to kiss in front of all those... people!" The warrior shrugged his shoulders. "It never bothered mom and dad, did it?" "Yes, but mom and dad are married!" Áki shook his head, chuckling. "You are so... uptight! Loosen up a bit!" "Can we stop bickering and start... working on my flirting skills, please?" "Ahh, yes! For sure!" The warrior positioned himself; standing a few feet away from his twin.

"Now, let's see... Pretend I'm Asta and you want me to notice you." Váli grimaced. "Really? Do we have to do that on such an embarrassing way?" Áki snorted. "You wanted me to help you, so... Come on! Show me what you got!" The young man sighed, but knew that his brother was right.

Taking a deep breath, he approached Áki - who immediately stopped him again. "No, no, no," he exclaimed; shaking his head. "What?" "Your walk. It's so... tense and stiff. It looks like you've got a stick up your ass. Again… Loosen up! You have to be more... relaxed!" Váli swallowed; but nodded. "O-Okay, okay... I'll try." The prince did try, but he wasn't very successful - let's put it that way. Perhaps the way he walked was better, but the flirting? Definitely not.

"Good evening, Lady Asta. You must be a magician. Because any time I look at you, everyone else disappears."

Áki grimaced, "That's the best you've got?" then shook his head. "No. Try again." Váli nodded obediently and took a few steps back, only to walk them forwards again.

"Good evening, Lady Asta," the prince repeated; even taking a bow. "Is it possible that you are a rose? Because I want to pick you."

The warrior cringed. "Norns, no. Váli that's awful. Where did you get those lines from, huh?" "I overheard a few of our people on the market." Áki let out a deep breath. "Well, seemingly those people don't know how to flirt... You need something with more... impact. You want to impress her. Not scare her off. Try again."

And again, Váli started another try. "Good evening, Lady Asta. I was wondering... If I were the king, and you were the queen, in the cosmic game of chess, would you mate with me?"

Áki's eyes widened. "Wait, what?! Bro, you're confusing me." Váli blinked. "W-Why?" Áki took a deep breath; trying to maintain his sanity. "Alright, alright... We need to get this straight... You do wish to court Asta, right? Or do you wish to bed her?" Váli's cheeks turned beet red at his brother's words. "What?!" He shrieked. "I-I firstly want her to know of my mere existence!" The warrior with the long, black hair blinked; was even more confused. "But I thought you met her already?" "Yes, but... Not the way I want to." "Norns, give me strength," whispered Áki; pinching the bridge of his nose. "Okay, okay. Your 'flirtations' won't work. I can see that already. I think we have to try something else. Just... ask me for a dance straight away." "Straight away??" "Straight away." "A-Alright."

Both princes took positions and Váli started another try; this time asking 'Asta' straight away.

"Greetings, Lady Asta. May I ask for your hand in the next dance?" Áki raised an eyebrow; smirking. "You're probably going to give that poor woman a heart attack with that, but it's definitely better than the first few tries. Try again."

After another few tries and advices from his brother, Váli was ready - according to Áki. Being now more self-confident, the prince looked forward to the ball.

Three days later, the big day had arrived. The kingdom was bustling with maids and servants; everybody helping to get the palace ready. It was one of the biggest balls, after all. Váli, though, didn't let the stress get to him. He tried to stay calm and keep his nervosity at bay. He was reading almost the whole day; hid in the little secret room of the library. It was his safe space after all. But unfortunately, time passed anyway, and so it was time for him to get ready in the early evening as well.

The prince took a bath and got dressed in the best Asgardian robes he owned. While his brother preferred the Jotunheim fashion more - like their father, Váli preferred more the clothes that the Æsir wore - like their mother.

When Váli made his way to the grand ball room of the palace in Jotunheim, the ball was already in full swing. A lot of guests from each and every realm had already arrived; were dancing, talking and eating. Music played and it smelled delicious. The prince looked around, to check if Lady Asta was here already. He saw everybody but her. His brother, who was leaning casually against one of the front columns; dressed in his warrior garments and shamelessly kissing Sađi - who seemed to have a break at the moment, given the fact that he wore his cooking attire. Yes, the young Jotun had made it and was now the second chef cook.

Váli smiled. Seeing his brother so happy, made him happy as well.

Then his gaze landed on the very top of the ball room, where a pedestal was. Upon that pedestal were two beautifully crafted thrones, made out of stone - and on those thrones sat his parents. Of course. They were the king and queen, after all. The prince decided - how it was adequate, to greet his mother and father. So, he made his way across the hall; always watching out for Asta.

At the feet of the pedestal were standing two guards - for protection, for sure. When they saw the crown prince approaching, they took a bow and let him pass without saying a word.

You had already seen your son coming your way and welcomed him with a bright smile. "Váli, my dear," you greeted him and rose from your throne to wrap him up in a hug. You frankly didn't care in that moment, if it was appropriate or not. "Hello, mom." He hugged you back and pressed a kiss to your cheek. "Are you alright? I haven't seen you the whole day..." The prince could hear the worry, which was undoubtedly swinging within your voice. "Of course. Please do not worry. I just spent the whole day in the library, reading." You let go of him again, still smiling and sat back down on your throne. "I thought so." Váli gave you a smile as well and turned to the right.

"Dad." Loki - in all his Jotun glory, with the signature horns made out of ice on his head smiled and gave him a nod. "Son." It may have been a short conversation, but not less meaningful.

"Have you, uhm, seen Lady Asta? Is she and her father here already?" You exchanged a look with your husband. "No, son, I haven't, I'm sorry. What about you, love?" You shook your head. "No, me neither." It hadn't slipped your notice, that Váli's demeanour had shifted all of a sudden. He was fumbling with his fingers and his cheeks had become slightly red. He seemed nervous and a bit shaky. "But I'm sure they'll arrive soon. Why?" "Oh, uh, just asking, mom. I'll get myself a goblet of wine now. See you later." Before you could ask him more, Váli fled; clearly avoiding this conversation.

You watched him leave; almost hastily stumbling down the few steps, before he vanished in the crowd. Oh, you definitely knew what was going on here. Smirking, you reached over and felt for Loki's hand. After being married for such a long time, the king knew exactly what you wanted and took your hand; letting your fingers slip through his. "I think our other son is in love as well." "Mhm. He definitely is," answered Loki. "You saw it too?" Finally looking at you, he nodded. An amused smile was on his face. "Of course, my queen. And besides... Váli usually never drinks wine. It's quite rare for him to drink alcohol." You giggled, nodding as well. "I thought so, too. It's very sweet, though, don't you think?" "I agree, love. Asta is a fine lady. I'd happily take her as my daughter-in-law." "Me too."

A whole goblet of wine later, Váli finally saw Asta and her father. Swallowing hard, he knew that it was time to make his move. It was now - or probably never. On his way to her, he tried to remember what his brother taught him; mentally going through every sentence they practiced. Time was running out though, because suddenly he was standing in front of her. Asta had her back towards him; was currently standing beside some other ladies and watched the people dance - but nevertheless. Alone the sight of her back left the prince speechless; entranced by her beauty. She wore a dress. It was definitely made out of fine Asgardian fabrics. Long and coloured in a beautiful soft blue. Her normally long hair was made into a pinned-up hairstyle; leaving her shoulder blades bare. She was stunning.

Taking a very deep breath, the prince took his courage in both hands and approached her.

"L-Lady Asta?" His voice was slightly scratchy and husky - a sign of nervosity. The young Asgardian woman turned around immediately; curious and excited blue eyes meeting his Y/E/C ones. Her eyes widened slightly, as she registered who was standing in front of her. "Prince Váli!" She curtsied; lowering her head. "Good evening." Váli tried to smile; feeling his heart hammering against his chest. "Good evening, Milady." Remember your brother's words! Remember your brother's words! It echoed through his head. "Y-You, uh, you look quite a bit l-lonely." Oh great start, Lokison, great start! His mind sarcastically screamed at him and rolled its eyes. Asta frowned a bit; her eyebrows slanting softly. "I-If I may be so bold to say that!" The prince quickly added; almost shouting at her - before turning beet red. This wasn't going how he planned... "A-Apologies, I..." Ugh. Váli closed his eyes for a moment and took another breath, while Asta started to smile gently - unbeknownst to him. He is quite cute, isn't he? The ambassador's daughter thought; suppressing a light giggle. Thank the Norns he's just as bad as me, when it comes to conversations.

"This isn't how I planned this to go..." Váli spoke up again and reopened his eyes. "I... I actually just, uh, wanted to ask you if you'd like to dance with, uh, me?" He bowed to her and stretched out a shaky hand - like he's been taught. I made a fool out of myself, didn't I? His own voice echoed through his head once more; not thinking Lady Asta would accept his offer, but then...

Soft, smooth skin suddenly came into contact with his, as she placed her smaller hand into the prince's bigger one. Quite a bit surprised looked Váli up again. "I'd love to dance with you, prince Váli." He blinked. "R-Really?" A small, delicate laugh escaped Asta's lips; causing the prince's heart to flutter. "Yes." Not thinking he'd come that far, Váli was a bit lost at first, but then managed to somehow regain his composure and lead her towards the dance floor.

Taking a soft bow - like he was taught, Váli placed his hand on Asta's waist, while the other continued to hold her hand. The woman smiled; slightly blushing. Her hand landed on the prince's shoulder. Váli waited a short moment, before he started to lead Asta over the dance floor. Sure, he had danced with several ladies before, but this was different. He didn't dance with Asta because he had to... No, because he wanted to. It caused once again nervosity to swoop through his belly; afraid of failing to impressing her and make the wrong moves. It wasn't the prince, though, who had a bit of trouble dancing...

Asta was more nervous than it seemed. She was just really good at hiding it. Her father wanted her to take dance lessons as well when she was a teenager, exactly because of that reason. The problem was that it's been a while since such a handsome, sweet and kind man had asked her to dance and therefore she was struggling quite a bit. Of course, she could've denied the prince's request, but her heart spoke faster than her head did.

As hard as she tried to remember the steps and to focus, she couldn't prevent a few mistakes to happen. Stepping on Váli's feet for example...

"O-Oh! Apologies, my prince!" She scrambled; turning red. "I-It's been a while since I lastly danced. Please forgive my clumsiness." Váli just gave her a soft smile; his heart beating faster. They were in the same boat. "Please don't apologise, Lady Asta. I understand - and I must confess that I am not entirely sure of what I am doing either." His words made the ambassador's daughter giggle and both their nervosity to disappear. At least a bit.

They danced for a long time; having small conversations all the way. It seemed like they just clicked and at the end of the day, both of them felt that there was something between them - even if they didn't tell each other... But it was there.

Being now definitely in love, Váli made his way back to his royal chambers late at night; a happy skip in his step. Rounding the corner, he saw his brother leaning against the wall beside his door; a cheeky smile on his face. He had been definitely waiting for him. "Well, well... I see someone is quite happy." Váli smiled; though his cheeks turned red once more. "I am, Áki, I truly am. I think I never danced so much before on any other ball." His twin giggled, nodding. "I saw that, yes. Seems like my lessons were successful." "Successful?" Váli giggled almost deliriously. "Brother, they were lifesaving! Thank you so much! I owe you." Áki smiled and stepped closer to his twin; placing a hand on his shoulder. "The only thing you owe me is that you go and make that stunning lady yours."

And so it happened.

Whenever the ambassador came to Jotunheim with his daughter - which happened quite often, Váli and Asta spent time together. The prince showed her every nook and cranny of the palace - including the library and its secret hideout, of course. He took her out; picnicking, swimming, riding out and so on. It didn't take long for them to share their first kiss and soon they declared to be a couple. It took both of them a while, since they were a bit shy, but the ambassador, you, Loki and his brother for sure, were more than happy for the young couple.

"Where are you taking me, Váli?" Asta asked; giggling, as the prince led her to the Bifrost. Being on Asgard at the moment came in handy for the prince. "You'll see!" He answered, winking. "Now close your eyes and please don't open them before I say so. And no peeking!" Asta giggled, but nodded; then closed her eyes. "Alright."

The young woman felt the surroundings change around her. It became suddenly colder. A lot colder. "Váli, where-" "Shhh," he interrupted her; pressing a short, soft kiss to her lips. He guided her gently forwards and could feel something crunch underneath her feet. "You may open your eyes now." And Asta did, gasping.

Celebrating being a year together now, Váli had decided to take his lady somewhere special. Some place she didn't see every day. And the prince didn't even need to think long. He immediately remembered how stunned she was, when they were reading a book together about Midgard. About a place called 'Lapland', to be precisely. So, the prince took she there...

"Wow... Váli, that is..." Asta was at a loss of words; gazing dreamy into the snowy dreamland around her. "Stunning, right?" "Absolutely! Is it... Are we... Are we on Midgard?" Váli smiled; "Indeed. Welcome to Lapland." wrapping a thick coat - which his father had given him, around her. Not that she was going to be sick! The prince had no problem with the cold. Being half Frost Giant had its perks.

"Do you see that little cabin over there?" Asta followed Váli's gaze. "Yes, it looks cosy. What about it?" "That's where we're staying for the night." The woman's eyes widened in surprise. "We are going to stay there?!" "Mhm," Váli said; taking her hand, "Let's go!" and gently pulled her behind himself towards the cabin.

Said cabin was beautiful and super cosy. Made out of wood with big windows and a fireplace. It was in the middle of nowhere; surrounded by nothing but nature. Woods, snow and a frozen lake.

The couple spent the whole day in the snow; exploring, hiking and watching animals they had never seen before. Only in books.

When the night fell over Lapland, Asta and Váli got cosy in front of the big fireplace; gazing out of the big windows into the clear, starry night. Cuddling closer against the prince, Asta suddenly saw something blueish green flash over the sky. Her eyes widened. "Vál... Are those...?" Váli smiled; nodding, "Northern lights, yes." and pulled her closer against his chest. "Just like we read in that book..." Whispered the woman; stunned. After all, she had never seen such things before and neither had the prince - who was just as stunned. "Yes... I wanted to show you at all costs and then my dad had this idea and well... Here we are..." "That is wonderful. Thank you so much for this." Váli didn't answer. Instead, he leaned down and pressed a gentle, loving kiss on the woman's lips.

It was definitely a date to be remembered.

"So..." Áki placed both his hands on the wooden desk at which his brother sat; smirking. "How was this, um... How is it called again?" Váli looked up. "Lapland." "Lapland! My words..." The warrior's palm met his own forehead. "So, how was it?" "Good. Beautiful, actually. The Northern lights were exactly how the book described it. You should go, see it sometime." Váli got very excited as he spoke; being the bookworm he is. "Did you know, that Lapland-" But Áki interrupted him; wanting to have more... details. "Yes, that's great, but what happened?" He asked his twin, winking - causing Váli to just frown. "What do you mean?" "Well, did you... You know? Finally?" Váli blinked. "Oh, for norns sake, bro... You are way too innocent for this conversation, I see... Seems like I have to be clearer." Áki stated, clearing his throat. "Did you finally bed her?" The moment those words left the warrior's mouth, Váli's cheeks heated up. "N-No, w-we-" "No? Oh man... I guess I'll never understand that... How can you not bed the one you love? I slept with Sađi when we weren't even together." The other prince grimaced. "Yeah, ew, no, I don't want to hear that, brother. That's disgusting. Stop, please. I don't need to know how often you and Sađi... No, no, no. Besides, you are a whole lot different than me." Áki grinned. "That may be right, but may I remark, that you came to me for advice not so long ago?" Váli sighed and rested his face in his hands. "Yes, yes, yes, I know - and by now I regret it, because I'm never going to hear the end of this." Áki just chuckled, shrugging his shoulders. "Sorry, bro... That's just how I am." "I know - and I love you nevertheless." Áki smiled; true, honest ruby eyes gazing at his twin. "And I love you, too." Váli stood up and reached over to place his hand on Áki's shoulder. Smiling, they looked at each other; sharing a moment. "Now if you'd excuse me..." The prince said and rounded the desk. "I have a date." "Have fun - and tell me about it, eh?" "Oh shut up, brother." Áki giggled, as Váli closed the door behind himself.

"Thank you for this, Vál." The both of them leaned against the pillows in front of the wooden wall; bellies full with food. "No. I have to thank you. You are the reason it is so wonderful." Asta shook her head; giggling. Her cheeks turning pink.

"I love you, Váli Lokison." Váli traced his thumb softly over her cheek. His eyes were filled with pure love and adoration. "And I love you." The young prince lowered his head; brushing his lips against Asta's in a sweet, innocent kiss. The kiss didn't stay innocent, though... The way their lips moved against each other seemed to ignite a fire within the young couple. They had found themselves often in heated make out sessions like that - but this time... This time it was different. It felt different. Perhaps was today the day, Váli thought; feeling the nervosity swirl in his belly. Perhaps not. I don't want to force her to anything...

Chills ran up and down Asta's spine; and yet felt her skin like it was on fire. She never felt this way before. At least not that intense. It was a whole new feeling for the quiet woman.

Váli pulled her gently closer towards him then; needing to feel more. Consume the love he felt for her. The black-haired beauty was so lost in Váli's kiss and the wondrous feeling inside of her, that she firstly didn't recognise in which position the prince brought them in… Suddenly, she was sitting on his lap, hands clasped around his neck. Váli's soft, gentle lips were still attached to hers, kissing her ferociously - but nevertheless with so much love, while his hands were on Asta's hips, holding her in place. She didn't think much about where this could lead or what was about to happen - until she felt Váli's hands leave the spot they so lovingly held onto. His hands travelled gently up and down her back at first; causing another shiver to run down her spine. It wasn't an unusual move of him. Váli did it often. But what came next, was definitely an unusual, unfamiliar move. The young man's hands wandered lower, until they reached the hem of her summer dress. Before Asta's besotted brain registered, what was happening, had his palms already found their way to her bare calves.

It never went that far. Váli never did that before. Never. The young woman's eyes flew open at this unexpected, intimate move of her boyfriend, and the sudden skin on skin contact. It caused a soft squeak to escape her parted lips.

As sudden as she felt his cool touch on her hot skin, as sudden was it gone again. Váli pulled his hands away quickly; eyes filled with guilt and remorse. "A-Apologies, A-Asta!" He started to scramble for an explanation. "I-I didn't mean to do that! I-I got carried away! I-I should've-"

"Don't stop."

She spoke up suddenly, quietly - yes, almost shyly; interrupting him. The young woman felt how the blood rushed into her cheeks; colouring them in a soft red. Váli knitted his eyebrows in confusion; a short, loose curl of blonde hair falling into his face. "W-What?"

The moment of Váli's skin touching Asta's had sent a sparkling sensation through her whole body. It was strange and overwhelming - but also felt so good. So comfortable. So... intimate. She wanted to feel it again. She wanted to find out what would happen, if the prince didn't take his hands away. If he didn't stop.

"Don't stop," she whispered again; gathering all her courage to slip her fingers through Váli's - placing his palms back on her bare calves. As soon as his skin touched hers again, she felt another sparkling sensation rippling through her. This time, though, the young woman couldn't suppress the small, soft gasp, which left her lips at the contact.

The prince was at first completely perplex; not knowing what to do or how to react. But once he realised that she really wanted him to touch her like that, he started to rub slow circles in her ivory skin, using his thumbs. Her hands found their way around his neck again - just like her lips found their way back on his lips.

It didn't take long for Váli's hands to go on another journey. His fingertips danced over the skin of Asta's legs; wandering up higher and higher, and leaving a trail of goosebumps behind. His cool touch felt amazing against her heated flesh. Like a trillion snowflakes melted on her skin. Within a heartbeat, the make out session had turned more passionate... More intimate. Every touch; every kiss was like pouring oil into an open fire, and by the time Váli's hands had reached the underside of his girlfriend's thighs, they both knew that this could go way further than they had ever been. This realisation caused the young woman's violently thumping heart to skip a beat. Her whole body was buzzing with anticipation of what was perhaps to come - and she couldn't deny it... She wanted it. Wanted him. She wanted to drown herself in the love and pleasure only Váli would be ever able to give her. So, she followed that raging need inside her body and started to loosen the leather belt, which held his beige tunic in place. Her rather bold move caused the prince to freeze in all his movements. With a soft pop he freed his lips from hers and removed his hands from her thighs - in order to wrap them around her wrists, stopping her. Asta's eyes snapped up; locking her gaze with his.

Another gasp escaped her lips at how close she and Váli actually were - and the intensity his Y/E/C held. "A-Asta, I... We..." He stammered; voice cracking. "A-Are you aware of what you're d-doing?" The woman in his arms nodded. "More than aware, my prince." Váli swallowed - visibly. "D-Do you... Do you really want this? Me? A-Are you certain a-about crossing that line?" Asta just stared at him; eyes wandering from his beautiful orbs down to his kiss swollen, alluring lips and back. She didn't need to think about this. Her heart - and especially her body had decided on this a long time ago. She wanted to feel Váli as close as physically possible. He was all she ever wanted. He was the one. She trusted him with her life. Blindly. Undoubtedly.

She nodded. "I never wanted anything more in my life," Asta spoke in a hushed voice; staring deep into his eyes. "Please," she added, as Váli still hesitated; unsure if he should really indulge into this. "Touch me," she whispered rather sinfully in his ear then - which caused the young prince's insecurities to shatter. He let go of her wrists and cupped her cheeks instead. With his eyes filled with love, he started to kiss her again. Gently and lovingly, but also intimately and passionately. It was so sweet and intoxicating, it made her head spin; hands going slack against Váli's lower belly.

His hands found their way back to her hips then; glided slowly up to the zipper of her dress, sensually unzipping it. He slowly peeled the straps of the beautiful dress down her shoulders and arms; letting it fall to her waist. Asta started to shiver slightly, when the cool air hit her skin. Váli only intensified it, when his fingertips traced her almost completely bare back.

Once his hands returned from exploring every inch of her back, they came to rest on the clasp of her white lace bra. "May I?" He asked, being utterly gentle and polite. His father thought him well.

Once more Asta nodded; already unable to form any words. Váli tried to undo the clasp as casually as possible, but found himself struggling quite a bit. After all, the prince never did this before, so how could he know? While his cheeks started to redden in embarrassment, his girlfriend only giggled sweetly, before reaching her hands up to cup his. "Here, let me help you." With united forces, the clasp was undone with one quick move.

Asta's bra fell; leaving her upper body exposed. But to her slight surprise, Váli's eyes didn't drop. They stayed trained on her face. Instead, he leaned in to kiss her again; hands splayed across her back, before he pushed her slowly backwards; gently laying her on her back. Váli was hovering directly above her now, his face mere inches away from hers. So close, thar she could feel his hot breath on her skin.

One of Váli's hands started to gently tug at the remaining clothes covering Asta's body. His eyes spoke more than words ever could. He made sure that what he was doing is alright for her. It caused the young woman to fall even deeper in love with the prince.

She lifted her hips; signalling him to go on. Váli grabbed the fabrics and pulled them down her legs, leaving her now completely exposed to him. The prince sat back on his heels; eyes settling on her body. Out of instinct, Asta covered myself; shielding herself from his sinful eyes. No one had laid eyes upon her naked body... until now. It was the first time she was completely nude in front of anybody... In front of a man. It caused her to be even more nervous and very insecure all of a sudden.

Váli started to shake his head. "No... No..." He rasped; his eyes incredibly soft. They were seeping over with love. His hands reached for her wrists again. "Don't cover yourself, Asta..." He tried gently to pull her arms away. "Please," Váli whispered. "You are so beautiful." The prince sounded so intrigued and honest, it made her give in - and she let him pull her arms away. Váli's fingers slipped through hers, as his eyes raked up and down her body; lips softly parted. "Absolutely gorgeous..." He gasped and let immediately go of her hands again, to capture her lips with his, before he started to breathe gentle kisses all over her neck. It gave Asta back her courage.

She lifted her hands to work at the belt of his tunic once again; freeing his upper body from the fabric. Finally, she was able to feel his skin underneath her fingertips. Curiously, she let her hands wander over the ivory skin of his shoulders, back and chest.

Unlike his brother, Váli hadn't much muscles to brag with. His frame was rather lean. No bulging pecs or rippling abs. But to Asta, he was absolutely gorgeous. Perfect.

Váli moved lower, peppered her whole upper body with gentle kisses; leaving a burning, sizzling sensation behind. It was electrifying. Asta was floating somewhere high above the clouds. But then the rustling of fabric caught her attention... She looked up to see how Váli got rid of the last remaining clothing, which covered his body. In the blink of an eye, he was naked as well - and now hovering above her again. That went now a bit too fast for the young woman. She felt how the anxiety and nervousness took over her system. Her eyes widened; legs starting to shake. Asta quickly brought her palms up to press them against his chest. "V-Vál s-stop. Wait, p-please." Váli stopped immediately in his movements, literally froze in place. The emotion in his eyes changed. His Y/E/C orbs were now clouded with worry.

She took a deep breath; felt how the feeling of embarrassment bubbled up inside her body. And once again, the blood rushed to her cheeks. "I-I never did that before... I-I..." Váli's eyes softened upon hearing those words leaving her lips. He started to shake his head; a smile spreading across his face. To Asta, he almost seemed... relieved? "Thank the norns..." He breathed; causing her to look at him quite a bit confused. Váli noticed that, of course and started to chuckle. "Don't worry, Asta…" He spoke softly and leaned down to brush his lips across her ear. "I never did that before either."

His words send a wave of pure relief and calmness over the young woman, but it also surprised her a bit. "Really?" She squeaked up; staring with big eyes at him. Váli bit his lip - and nodded. "Yes, really." Her mouth fell softly agape; completely in awe. Honestly, she didn't quite understand this. "But... How, Vàl? I bet there were are a lot of girls who laid their eyes upon you..." The prince breathed out another soft laugh and shook his head again. "It is a valid question, but… I thought you might have noticed this already, but... I'm a very shy boy." She giggled at her boyfriend's words. It was undoubtedly true. "Besides, if there were other girls, they all would have the same catch..." That awakened Asta's curiosity. "Which is?" Váli's smile widened. He reached out to tug a loose, long black strand behind her ear. "They would never be you, beautiful." Asta's heart skipped another beat. "You will always be the one. My heart belongs to you since the first time we met." Her heart fluttered; the butterflies swirling like crazy inside her belly. She felt how tears started to form in the corners of her eyes. "Oh Vál, I..." She wrapped her arms around Váli's neck and pulled his naked body flush against hers. "You are always the one for me, too," she said with a shaky voice and held onto the prince for dear life, completely overwhelmed by her feelings.

The both of them just basked in each other's embrace for a few moments, before Váli straightened himself up again, so that he was able to look into Asta's eyes. He pressed his forehead against hers. "Are you afraid?" She swallowed. "A bit, maybe." He nodded. "Do you trust me?" Now she nodded. "With my life." Váli smiled and pressed a chaste kiss on her lips. "I promise you, that I will be gentle. Please stop me, if you need to, yes?" "Yes." He smiled even wider; his eyes filled with love. "Hold on to me," Váli whispered and kissed her again, before they dove together for the first time into the deepest abysses of pleasure; making sweet, sweet love.

After the bliss had faded away, Asta was laying in Váli's arms; cuddled against his chest. A toothy - almost delirious smile displayed on her face. One hand of the prince rested upon her back; tracing gently random patterns on the skin there, while the other hand was in her hair, softly massaging her scalp. Asta was completely relaxed. Her eyes closed; bathing in the aftercare Váli was offering her. She never wanted it to stop.

The prince leaned down and pressed his lips on her forehead. "Mmmh," Asta hummed; already on the verge of dozing off. He chuckled softly. "Are you still with me?" "Mhm," she answered; more asleep than awake and pressed a lazy kiss against his chest. Again, Váli chuckled. "Well, it doesn't quite seem like it." "'M sorry, Vál." He quickly shook his head. "No, please... Don't be. It's alright. Sleep. I'll be here when you wake up again." And he was.

Tags: @eleniblue @muddyorbsblr @mochie85 @asgards-princess-of-mischief @jaidenhawke @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @multifandom-worlds @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @huntedmusicgardenn @lokiforever @fictive-sl0th @lokisgoodgirl @smolvenger @hisredheadedgoddess28 @icytrickster17 @chennqingg @glitchquake @princess-ofthe-pages @crimson25 @elegantcheesecakecrown @buttercupcookies-blog @mypainischronicbutmyassisiconic @herdetectivetheorist @loz-3 @brokenpoetliz @km-ffluv @stupidthoughtsinwriting @jennyggggrrr @lady-rose-moon @lovingchoices14 @salvinaa @irishhappiness @sheris532 @princessdragon23 @xxannyxx @kimanne723 @mandywholock1980 @loki-laufeyson223 @vbecker10

[sysmedsaresexist]

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

This is Mod Quill, but this is on behalf of a mutual friend of mine and Mod Dude's. Someone we care about a lot, and someone I'm not even going to fucking name here, because I am so fucking done with my friend suffering. Besides. You're going to know who it is if you have a lick of syscourse knowledge. I just hope they know what this might bring. If you're reading this, hon -- maybe just... delete your blogs and get out of syscourse. Make something new for yourself. Trust me, I've done that plenty of times.

Anyways.

@sophieinwonderland

Let's have a chat. Okay? I mean this completely, 1000 percent genuinely. I want to talk to you. WE want to talk to you. And we want to understand what the hell is going on with you.

Context: A friend of ours is in the hospital. This friend is in the hospital... likely because of you. Well, somewhat -- I'm not here to convince you that you, personally, are at fault for someone else's actions. You did not personally give them whatever implement of choice they used to nearly off themselves. But you have got to see that what you're doing -- what you've done for a very, very long time, causes people a lot of harm. And you have acknowledged it. Repeatedly.

You know that you do. You know you're hurting people. And you've shown constantly on your blog that you're okay with that.

This isn't the first time someone has been hospitalized after you took grievance with their tumblr blog. This is the second time someone has notably been hospitalized after interactions with you, and far from the last time someone's harmed themselves over you. I should know -- I'm a user who tried so desperately not to self harm, but you are the person who brought me to that point, many moons ago in a fit of hell and despair.

Don't worry, I'm all good -- it was barely anything. But it still stings emotionally, to this day.

The user in question who's currently hospitalized is not, and has not been stable, for a very long time. They're someone I hold dear, but I think we can all admit that people with DID sometimes struggle greatly with making really dumb choices. They've made a lot. This isn't the first time they've been in the hospital.

But Dude made a promise to them when it seemed like things were going to hell this time around, something to try and encourage things to go the right way.

Your named was tossed out too. Because of course it was. Like it or not, Sophie, you are 100% the biggest syscourser on Tumblr. You post the most and have the most followers. You are syscourse. And Dude's promise was to take syscourse down.

... But I don't think anyone in this situation really understands what that means.

Sophie, you are a person. Not a blog. Not a stance. Not a slogan, or a preacher, or whatever conspiracy you're trying to lean into next to explain away the angry actions you've shown more and more lately, to somehow explain why it's okay to say the things you've been saying, even when it sometimes, just maybe, seems like... you just don't want to.

As people may know, a (from my perspective, horrifically written, incredibly inaccurate, and only harmful) callout post for Sophie was recently posted to syscourse. What people don't know is that I, Mod Quill, was approached to help write it. Mod Dude was involved in the callout post as well, though to what extent I don't know.

I flat out refused to work on it. And that's because I knew exactly what would happen. I knew my friend would be hurt, or maybe even hospitalized over this. I knew that syscourse -- that Sophie -- would drive someone over the edge again. I knew that the document -- filled with inaccuracies and vaguities and nothingburgers to the max -- would be easy for Sophie to pick apart, easy to dismantle, and it would all start with debunking so much of the very real pain and suffering my friend has gone through.

And yeah.

I was right. Go figure. Maybe I should've done more, my brain inevitably says, I need to help everyone, I should've fought harder to prevent this... Dumbass brain.

Sigh.

Dude edit/addition: I knew the doc was coming, and while I won't say that I was supportive of it going out (I made the owner sit on it for several weeks), I made no effort to stop it. Having made my own callouts on sophie (and Quill, you have, too), I understood the need, and the positives and negatives. I knew Sophie could handle it. I was approached to read and check it, as my posts had been used in it. I even offered to help add to it, though... I ended up being completely unable to. I still can't actually remember anything in the doc. I'm doubting if I actually read it because it seems I retained nothing from it. This likely stems from the fact that I have been in contact with Sophie for several weeks now, getting to know her. I'm so incredibly conflicted on this topic that I chose to stay out of it publicly from start to finish, without comment or publicity. For the first time since I started my blog, I'm not feuding with anyone, I'm having such amazing conversations with people, I feel like I'm making more of a difference than ever before. Certain people have left me alone as I stayed under the drama radar.

I'm so tired of being angry...

My thoughts on the doc and sophie are complicated. I'm sorry to anyone that was hurt through my uncertainty. Instead of helping with the doc, we talked about life, experiences, medicalization, and I was... so happy. I don't think that I really thought beyond... "I wish I had spoken to some of these people sooner."

It's important to note that I don't blame the doc or author for any of this.

Syscourse, as a whole, does not address any sort of recovery, or help, or even just acknowledgement of the issues we are facing, as human beings, as systems, as people on this earth. It is just slinging words at each other with varying degrees of value. And I'll be the first to admit that I have relished that battleground. I have loved the feeling that I might be able to throw the right words or the right punches and get someone to either change, or deactivate. I've also wrestled with those feelings, tried to explain them away, mirroring what I see on Sophie's blog constantly.

But as more and more time goes on and I grow up and I see the damage that's done to me and my friends, I have grown to absolutely despise this place. I try my best to spread what joy I can. I also know it's really not enough.

Sophie, I have sent you, if I had to hazard a guess, at least 10 anons this past year, all of them variations on themes. Either positivity, begging you to take a break, or explaining to you in excruciating detail how I know you are hurting people, and why that hurts so badly. And... each and every single one of those have been met with dismissal. With that godforsaken shrug emoji that convinced me for years that you just... did not care, at all, about other people.

And this isn't just you. I know I'm coming at you, but that's because you are the biggest source of Syscourse Grief(tm) for this particular friend. But lord knows people get enemies here, that's just par for the course. So, this goes for everyone.

Learn to fucking care about each other, for fucks sakes.

God, this really is a ramble. I thank everyone who's bearing with me.

For syscourse in general: Stop. Just... stop. For those who are considering it, just stop for a bit, and witness. Watch. See what happens. Because the ones who are obstinate -- primarily the overly aggressive anti-endos and pro-endos -- will fling their vitriol at each other. It will just get worse and worse, and you can witness syscourse eat itself alive.

For my friend in the hospital: I've already given you some advice, but genuinely, I really, really hope you take care of yourself. I pray that, when you get back, you maybe set syscourse aside. At most, discord is there, and that seems to at least be tamer. But you are young. You have so much future ahead, and coming from someone who is (unfortunately seen as) an older system, I can promise you that it gets beter.

For Dude: GO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. You are recently retraumatized, recently through a severe surgery, and you are out here promising shit like "I'll burn syscourse to the ground for you"??? Play a fun game and pay attention to your fucking partners, take a fucking break and take care of yourself. Syscourse will wait for you. People will come and people will go, and it doesn't fucking matter. Your life is what matters and I'm so fucking scared watching you obsess over this one, small aspect of it. I'm so relieved you went to that fun pokemon blog. You aren't alone, you are so loved, and don't let this toxic ass place make you forget that.

And Sophie.

I'm going to give Dude a link to send to you. You don't have to take it if you don't want to. You don't even need to acknowledge this if you don't want to. But I'm swinging the door open and offering the olive branch. I know you don't use Discord much, but for gods sake, it's better than Tumblr DMs, and we both know how Tumblr is a mess.

I really hope you'll take me up on it.

And for everyone else.

Wait till you see what happens next.

Edit from Mod Quill: Well, what's next is evidently a need for clarification and yet another callout post. Hello, callout-post author. Thank you for your clarifications. Notably, I attempted to keep your URL out of this, for those who didn't know.

Anyways, for the fullest disclosure and context: I was approached by Mod Dude, who asked if I wanted to participate in "Sophie Drama, Anonymously." I agreed, though I'll admit I was hesitant due to my particular issues with that user. I was then added to a group chat involving an enormous callout post. Notably, it should be mentioned, callout posts are a major trigger of ours that we are still working on overcoming.

I clicked the document and saw it was a mess of grammar mistakes, poor formatting, and impossible for me to read without trembling. But given that I already have an intense distaste for the user who posted it, I wasn't about to tell them more personal details about myself, and I did not want to communicate with them any further due to my own fear of the instability of all those involved. I told them I disliked the callout post due to harassment that it would cause, that I feel Sophie is a person, and that they had better have contacted the user who was hurt -- who is once again revealed in the callout, unfortunately.

I tried to laugh it off and move on, and take care of my mental health. That's what I was lamenting above; the fact that I didn't say more. I felt bad that I didn't allow myself to damage my mental health further to craft a callout post -- something I have tried desperately to avoid since the one I made the mistake of writing years ago about the very user you wrote this callout post about -- and something I get roped into constantly.

I privately read the rest of the document after it had been posted in full, as I still have access to it and it is a publicly posted document. It was filled with things that I found to be either nothing important in particular (things that have already been discussed numerous times) or things that would just be inflammatory (i.e. the OAS sections). I talked with a friend on Discord about the document, to which we both agreed it was bad.

To the OP of the document: I didn't say any of this at the time because, as I said, I felt uneasy and could not be in that group chat. I explicitly said I would not be touching "it" (the group chat). I was taking care of my mental health.

I refused to work on it because, based on my past experiences and triggers, which I do not owe you and still alluded to anyways in my conversations with you, I knew it would end poorly. I tried my best to sway you in the moment, but I was not able to do so because of my own mental health.

So, yes, to clarify: My grievances with the document were not made known to the one who posted it, whom I never mentioned in the original post. I do not condemn the poster of the document. I was simply making my feelings about callout posts known. What is above is not a condemnation of the callout writer, nor a comment on them at all. I genuinely did not want the point of this post to be lost due to callout-post drama.

So let me reiterate the important part of all of this.

This post was about the state of syscourse and how people do not approach syscourse in a good way. It is constantly slinging hate at people, which is never justified.

Learn to fucking care about each other, for fucks sakes.

---

Mod dude, here...

I want to add something to this, but I don't know what. I mean, Quill said it all, quite well.

Hurt people... Hurt other people.

I've made the attempt, over the last year or so, to actually talk to some of the bigger names in syscourse, the ones usually active in the tags, endos and antis alike.

It reinforced that... we're all just fucking people, trying to get by.

Antis, have you even tried to empathize with the community you attack so quickly and cruelly? Imagine if people said those things to you or about CDD systems. Have you, personally, witnessed the things you claim are happening? Because I've been here a lot longer, and it seems you're making shit up. Consider that you should stop parroting everything you hear and stick to what you're actually seeing with your own eyes.

Endos, please don't forget that these are severely traumatized individuals that have probably never even been to therapy yet. If you're not yet, maybe you should get into therapy-- it doesn't automatically mean there's anything wrong, but everyone could use someone to talk to, and seeing what it's like could be really beneficial to understanding the other side and getting an unbiased view of your own behavior and beliefs.

These are real fucking people that are ending up in the hospital.

Quill, the rest of my mods, and I are real fucking people behind these screens.

Sophie is a real person. They just got a new dish washer that they saw on Circ's blog, I missed it, but she linked it to me, and now I'm looking at it. She's going to let me know how it works.

And you know what? This little countertop dishwasher feels a hell of a lot more real and important than anything in syscourse.

As Quill mentioned, I just went through a major surgery. I'm learning that...

I'll probably never be able to walk properly again. My life is forever changed, and I'm really struggling.

My cat just... passed. Feel free to go like that post, it would mean a lot to me.

None of you know that. The people who leaked my main and smeared my wonderful name don't know that.

Sophie didn't know that the last time we fought each other.

My friend didn't know that when I promised him I would bring syscourse down.

Maybe bringing it down isn't the answer.

Maybe just reminding you all that we're all people behind the screen is enough.

Fucking TALK to each other.

Make an attempt to learn and understand.

Talk about things that actually matter.

Grow the FUCK up.

Reblog to share a hug, because that's more worthwhile.

And most importantly.

Please keep our friend in mind while they're in the hospital.

Syscourse community, endos and antis, this is one of our own. A person you've likely interacted with before, that you've seen around.

We exist in this small bubble, all together. Whether we like it or not.

[thatdogmagic]

As before, if you don't know what's going on, and aren't up to speed on Tumblr nonsense, you are totally allowed to go do something else. It will be a much better use of your time.

So, yeah.

I know the logs going around. I know how they come off if taken at face value, from the author's 'I did nothing wrong here' point of view.

Disclaimer up front: what I'm about to say isn't excusing aggressive behaviour, or saying that everything I said is wonderful and/or justified. Even if I think HaliteaTiger et al are going out of their way to heap all their responsibility on to me, like they were just innocent babies who couldn't make decisions for themselves, I don't think anyone deserves to be in the blast radius of an autistic meltdown (required viewing), especially of the Fight variety.

Talking about that is how Haligren and I bonded, in fact. Even before I knew it was autism, we talked about our mutual issues with explosive and dissociative anger.

All this is to say, I am not going to lengthen this post even more by pausing to say, every time I defend myself, that I'm aware of my own bad behaviour. Which I know is going to rub some people the wrong way/serve as 'proof' I'm just as bad as they think, but honestly? Don't care. This post isn't for you. You've decided based on vibes-based posting and cherrypicked logs you don't like me, and that's your business. You're welcome to leave now. I haven't given you any method of knee-jerk replying to this anyway.

For everyone else, the tl;dr is this: it should strike people as odd that I am the only person taking any real responsibility for a situation so prone to blowing up (friends working together) that it regularly shows up in every sitcom known to mankind.

To me, it is the height of irony that my main detractor decided to post me saying the r-slur about myself as an indictment, when 'look at this r-slur' has been the thesis of everyone's posts ever since this started. And no, I'm sorry, they know that's exactly what they're doing.

I can say that with confidence, because each one of them was informed, very clearly, and very early on, that I, as an at-the-time 41-42 year old, was going through some serious struggles with a recent autism diagnosis. In the case of HaliteaTiger, she even ignored photographs I'd taken, physical evidence of what meltdowns could do to me in my younger years.

They know this is explicitly attached to a disability, and they're going on record saying they can't possibly believe that's the case. That I must be lying for my own benefit.

In short, that I'm too smart to be that (r-slur). I must simply be malicious, manipulative, abusive instead.

Which is exactly why the word is so easy to reach for in those moments of meltdown.

Doesn't make it right, of course-- not only should I not use the word, I should really be kinder to myself. But I have a hard time being angry with myself for repeating what people have been saying to me for pretty much my entire life, even if they're not saying it outright.

So. Let me be blunt: I am not taking responsibility for other people deciding that they can "handle me," in spite of a downpour of warnings, disclaimers, and full-blown discussions. It can only be my fault for so long that I am exactly who I say am.

What I can take responsibility for is moving too quickly. It was taking that feeling of 'oh this explains everything' that the diagnosis brought with it, and thinking that relief could translate into control. I wasn't in a rational space for how things went with HaliteaTiger - and I was as clear about that as I could have been - but in the end, I was the one who said 'yes' to working together. I was probably the one who had the idea to work together in the first place. And I genuinely thought I could handle it. Obviously, I couldn't, and I meant every apology I gave when that became evident.

(aside: since people will rightfully ask, I have footnoted why I agreed to work with Jackal/Trish in spite of saying I learned from this bad experience with Haligren; if I go into it here I'll veer off track again.)

When I say this is where my responsibilities begin and end, I'm not writing that off as a small thing. I know now that, that soon after diagnosis and reorienting my life, I was going through a kind of 'skill regression.' Whether I knew it or not - that I was effectively a loaded weapon that could go off at any time - it doesn't change the outcome. Besides that, I knew full well what I was capable of. I had years of experience telling me it was probably too soon. 'Wishful thinking,' and the myriad other reasons for poor impulse control, doesn't clear me of that. I'm not going to ask, never have asked anyone to forgive me for it, either.

That said: it is where my responsibilities begin and end.

Keep in mind, Haligren herself posted what was more or less, 'she did exactly what she said she'd do and I can't accept that maybe I had a hand in this by not bothering to listen to her. Again.'

And the same goes for Jackal, albeit to a far lesser extent. We've already covered the fables she's invented for this.

You know, I know I've said it before, but I feel like it's worth pointing out again that this is all this needed to be. 'I thought I could handle this and I couldn't' was all it needed to be, from everyone. There was and is no shame in admitting that. And admitting it to ourselves didn't need to be all bad, either. It certainly hasn't been for me.

ex: It's allowed me to set much clearer boundaries for myself and others; it's let me see a lot of weak points that need the most work; and it's allowed me to just exist more comfortably with others.

There are things outside of my control that can still trigger me, but I've gotten better at pulling back in time, and if not pulling back in time, then lessening severity. Which sucks, sometimes, because it often means pulling back from things I'd rather be doing, because they're too overstimulating. ex: I often have to stop playing flashy video games because the visuals can exacerbate any ambient tension I already have.

It's where 'ah yeah this why this is a disability' realizations come in. Having to literally lay in a dark room to get your nervous system to shut the fuck up. Which I didn't know, couldn't have guessed would be a requirement for getting my Everything to calm down, any more than I could know that certain types of treble played at higher volumes could make me start feeling panicky and fucked up. I didn't even know 'dark room + reading' would work for me until sometime this year.

With all that in mind, I've been trying to be a lot more mindful about surrounding myself with people who I know for sure know exactly what's going on. Who take it seriously, and understand that I'm still learning a lot as I go, making up for a lot of years to a point where I sometimes feel like I'm relearning how to walk, or tie my shoes. They understand that just the process of de-masking is difficult, either because they've done it or are in the process of doing it, themselves.

I will not hold it against them if they witness a meltdown and decide enough is enough. Which is part of this I don't think Haligren et al ever realized:

I don't want people around if I'm genuinely too much for them. Because, and I know this might come as a shock but, I don't want to hurt people. I never have and I never will. I don't get any kind of fulfillment out of the sound of a telephone, or some random visual overload, sending me into an absolute rage and that coming out at someone I care about. That's not cool or comfortable or fun, that's stupid. I don't get any joy or reward from that. There is nothing that has ever positively reinforced it, and until I knew what it was, every single method I could use to fix it just fell completely flat.

I've spent much of my life feeling completely hopeless about it. Which is something else Haligren and I talked about. Something she experienced herself and sympathized with (which I can say is true; funny enough, she took the reactions to some of her own random explosions and posted them as 'proof I'm just mean all the time'). I have my theories as to why I suddenly lost that sympathy - I wasn't 'fun' anymore when my struggles were real, for one - but that's for later.

Still: everything that happened between us, she already knew was possible. That it was a matter of 'when' not 'if.' That it was not me giving myself permission, it was me telling her, this is a thing I struggle with constantly, it does take a certain type of person to work this closely with me on projects I feel this strongly about.

For reasons only she can say, she decided she was that certain type of person. I did not strongarm, goad, or pressure her into that role. I did not ask 'are you sure?' in some bizarrely nuanced way that inferred she had no choice.

Example: I was in what I can recognize now as that 'pre-meltdown' state when she approached me about using Clip Studio's comics formatting. For whatever reason, I snagged on having found the tool confusing in the past and lost my fucking mind about not wanting to use it. I apologized because it was undeserved, at best random and out of nowhere.

I feel like that should have probably let her know what was going on/its severity.

I would check in (or try to check in) with her after stuff like that and I know at least once initiated the 'are you sure?' conversation about working together, if not twice, in response to not catching myself in time. Long before she let me stick my neck out publicly and announce the collab we were working on.

IDK what she thought I was saying there. With any of that. Which was another problem in and of itself but we'd be here for actual pages of text if I had to go into how many times I was willfully misinterpreted as playing 4D manipulative chess or whatever.

So, yes, to say, 'I knew it could be bad but not this bad!!' is plain bullshit. It's bullshit. She knows that. And she knows I have logs of all of it.

Here's the thing tho: I don't *want* to fucking post any logs. Not least because I don't want *my* personal business out there for everyone to see, but I frankly don't want to be known as someone who posts someone else's, esp wrt mental health. Also:

I don't want to continue a slapfight that will only lose us all friends and colleagues, and may even create fractures in the actual community.

Because, let's be clear: that's the *only* endgame here. That is the best possible outcome of all of this: we annoy our peers and our community with a mountain of shit that will only ever boil down to 'we did not work well together, for a variety of reasons, and we all got messy about it.' That is all anyone will come away with after all the logs are posted, and all the shit is slung. Because there is no tell-all beyond that. There are no juicy secrets.

If you guys ('cause I know it'll be copy/pasted to you anyway despite blocks) want to die on that hill, that's your business. I *am* genuinely sorry anyone had to sit through my meltdowns; I truly don't want to have them, ever at all for any reason, and I don't want other people around me to take the heat of them. But that's the only thing I can really apologize for beyond 'I'm sorry it didn't work out' and whatever other *actual* mistakes I made.

We all made plenty. We all lost an opportunity we wanted in each other. We all lost out on telling our own stories quicker, and on telling new ones with one another. Pointing to one of the only people willing to take any responsibility for their part, and proceeding to dump *all* responsibility on their shoulders, will not fix that. Burning me in effigy won't save you from yourselves, either, because if you can't face this, you'll have all the same problems with other people later on down the line. You just will. There's no avoiding that.

As for me, as I said, I pared down who I work with quite a bit, to people who do take me seriously, and understand - really understand - what they're signing up for. Who won't look at me saying 'I don't take hints well so please just be up front with me' and disregard it as nonsense because I'm clearly too smart for that to be a thing.

It does 1000% require being around people who are willing to talk very frankly and openly about every conflict and confrontation. Which are, it should be noted, *not* people who are pathologically driven to pat your ass and say 'it's ok it's fine' when they clearly meant something different.

...

I'm not sure anything good will come of me posting this.

When I say the posts about me have been pretty much nothing but Jackal, Trish, and Haligren saying 'look at this r-slur,' I really do mean it. People gawking and engaging are joining in to do the same. Me making this post just invites even more of that, from them and from spectators.

Nothing good has come of me staying quiet, though, so it needed to be said.

Their disbelief that I could ever be 'that bad,' their unwillingness to listen to me when I talked about my limits, when I gave clear examples of where I might need additional support... I am not taking responsibility for that disbelief, no matter how many internet randos get sicced on me. Not from Haligren and definitely not from Jackal.

So, yeah, sorry/not sorry. I know someone having a visibly 'fight' response is easy to shit on, but, nah, no. I'm not going to apologize for saying I was *owed* an apology from Haligren, either, because I was, and she knows exactly why. She's just not willing to talk about the context of that moment, because that'll take all the wind out of the 'she was abusive and lashed out for no reason!!' sails.

It'll mean taking responsibility for her part in ruining the opportunity I represented for her and her work. Which is probably an uncomfortable thought to sit with, and clearly has been for years, considering how eager she was to jump in on behalf of someone who knew ahead of time that she held a grudge.

I'm sure that'll work out well for her. I wish them well in their future collaboration. Maybe I'm wrong and absolutely none of the problems they had with me will ever surface ever again with other people ever, and everything will be fine.

ps: Going on public record to say someone who told you, more than once, 'I have no interest in you romantically' indicated they actually had a mutual crush on you is rich. 'The thought crossed my mind' =/= 'I have a crush on you too,' so we're clear. If Haligren weren't playing a game of hate-telephone with someone prone to exaggerate, she'd have known that this assumption is part of the problem I had with her.

Same w/ the constant 'I'm not into women' reminders, like I'm incapable of remembering/might fall in love with her at a moment's notice because I happen to be attracted to women and femmes. Which might just be her being awkward but like, PSA: don't do that to your queer friends, it's weird and gross to just assume that kind of thing.

Especially when, in spite of that, it felt like sometimes I was being treated as a surrogate boyfriend on an emotional level. Which is pretty much what she posted outright, so-- thanks for clarifying that for me, I guess. ;p

pps: The only reason I even considered taking a risk on working on something more intense w/ people again, re: starting up with Jackal and Trish at all, was because I got laid off from my job, had severance, and unemployment. I had a window of time I could work hard on big projects and still be pulling in income. They were both given a pretty detailed account of what had triggered them w/ Haligren and also that they had happened/would probably happen, given how new everything was.

It was still a decision I knew could easily go sideways - and tried to account for that - but took the risk anyway. I knew what I was doing, which is, yes, where I explicitly fucked up, and my way of owning that isn't something I can put on display. I can only prove it with how I act and with whom, and that's what I intend to do.

ppps: I'd say more about whatever it is Trish is going on about in all of this but she and I barely spoke personally which makes her going scorched earth honestly pretty laughable and not really worth addressing.

[moodooivy]

So I have many theories of what happened between Vox and Alastor, but I have to decide on something. So, I will be going into as much detail as I can analyzing the possible theories of what happened. I'll try to be as unbiased as I can and not let my shipper brain get in the way. (I will be saying maybe and possibly a lot so get ready for that)

Theory 1: Alastor's deal;

In this theory people say that Alastor had to decline Vox's offer to join the Vees and leave him because of his deal. That he had no choice. Another idea to this is that Alastor was threatened to agree to the deal for Vox's protection or happiness. Another possibility is that Alastor had to disappear because of his contract and that left Vox bitter because he thought Alastor abandoned him. As much as my RadioStatic mind loves this idea, it is extremely unlikely. I mean the way Alastor treats Vox does not give "I had to betray you in the past when I didn't want to". It gives "I'm bitter and love to mess with you, fuck you". Though this outcome isn't impossible. A possible way I see is maybe Alastor's deal involved taking away his ability to show feelings? It could explain why Alastor is always smiling. But I don't think that's the case. As for the reasoning of Vox feeling abandoned, I don't think that's it either. I feel like there would've been a scene acknowledging that to be the case already. So I'm going with no, probably not this.

Theory 2: Love confession;

Ah yes. The classic love confession theory. In this theory, people say that Vox was in love with Alastor, but when he confessed to Alastor he was rejected. Either then Alastor left or they got into a fight and then Alastor left. Either way, Al left Vox bitter and rejected. As much as I love RadioStatic, I hate RadioSilence and am not a believer in this theory. Again, I feel like we would already know if this were the case. And Vox just doesn't give me bitter rejected vibes. I just feel like if it were the case, I don't know, Vox would make it more obvious? But that doesn't mean this is impossible. Plus, there's always a possibility something similar to Blitz and Fizz happened. One of them was about to confess but then their fallout happened. That honestly does sound likely. Or, maybe Alastor misunderstood Vox. Vox wasn't actually asking him to join his team, he was asking Al to join him. Alastor didn't understand this and rejected the offer, or he knew full well and thought Vox only saw it as a business thing or maybe even a sex thing, since Valentino was apparently in the picture at that point. There is a reason why I just said love confession and not Vox's love confession. I actually do believe it is possible Alastor had feelings as well. People forget that Alastor was never confirmed to be aromantic, and even if he was, AroAce people can still fall in love, so it's not impossible. In fact I feel like it is very possible there was some mutual pining between these two. Where they both liked each other but just didn't realize it. To all those who have read Daughter Of Discord, tell me you don't get the thought of Discord and Chrysalis's past in your head. This brings me to the next theory.

Theory 3: They were changing too much;

In this theory, it is thought that Vox was changing too much. Alastor and Vox used to be friends, but Alastor didn't like how his old pal was becoming modernized and different. Alastor seems to really dislike change, and that could either be because of the fallout or contributed to the fallout. Perhaps when Vox asked Alastor to join him that was the breaking point. He thought Vox would try to change him. Change his name, make him use modern technology, change who he is. I believe this is the most likely situation. Another possibly, and what I think is most possible, Vox was growing powerful way too quickly. Alastor loves power. He took immediate disliking to Lucifer and I am pretty sure it's because Lucifer is probably the only thing in Hell stronger than him... But at the same time. Alastor is smart. Like, really smart. I feel like the last thing he would think of doing to someone he thought was growing more powerful than him would be to cut ties with them and make enemies. Alastor messes with Lucifer because he knows if Lucifer hurt him he would destroy his relationship with Charlie so he can't do shit. Another possibility is that Alastor's strange moral code might've gotten in the way. Unlikely I know, but Alastor does have some moral to himself where he seems to not harm, in fact somewhat protects those that are weak and defenseless. Maybe his and Vox's morals didn't align and Alastor didn't like the immoral path Vox was taking.

Theory 4: Velvette and Valentino;

In this theory, it is thought that the idea of the Vees is what caused Vox and Alastor's fallout. Maybe Alastor thought working with three would be too much. Maybe he thought they would hold him back. That would fit into the timeline. In the series I think it is supposed to be hinted that Velvette wasn't around during the fallout, so I'll look at it from that perspective. Alastor didn't like Vox's company of Valentino (Honestly who doesn't) so when Vox offered for Alastor to join them, Al said no, they got into a fight, Alastor disappeared, and so Val and Vox recruited Vel instead.

So, what do you guys think happened. Let me know because I am very interested. I apologize if this is hard to understand, the way I speak can be like that, but hopefully everyone gets this.

[starbit-drag0n]

Everyone, please take the time to read. There is this person currently spreading rumors about me and they are helping themselves out by showing out of context screenshots.

I don't know what they want from me or what they're trying to do by destroying my life, I wish they would've come to discuss the subject instead of putting all of that here. This person managed to get screenshots of dms I had with people I used to be friends with back when I was friends with Izzyfredpony.

If anyone is willing to give me a chance to explain myself I'll gladly do so. Because those screenshots the person showed may be real, but they aren't giving you the actual context of those messages.

Let me adress this first. The koopalings don't have a canon age, I don't understand where the pedophilia accusations come from.

Now, for the screenshots, those are from dms I had with an old friend of mine. I was discussing with them if they were okay with Frida being in my discord server. Since I knew what had been said before, I simply wanted to make sure this person was okay. Nothing more.

Later on, because I was afraid of the people I used to be friends with would react to me being mutuals with Frida, sadly led to a severe panic attack, which explains the other screenshots this person found.

Now, I don't know what this person is about to do with the whole grooming thing and it honestly scares me. So everyone please, please don't take that person's accusations seriously without having the context.

UPDATE:

Now this is enough proof to me that this person is only doing this to hurt me. Someone with a normal mindset would not have reacted like this in this type of situation. And believe it or not, this exact comment simply confirmed to me who's the one in charge of this whole thing.

This person knows me and knows how to get to my weak spots so please, again, definitely don't trust them. They are just doing this for attention and hopes of dragging me down over the fact I left their friend group.

PLEASE GO REPORT THIS PERSON FOR DIFFAMATION AND HATE. They have changed their name for "fortheloveofpeaches". It is now back to "bubbly-peaches"

[morganski-19]

I'm talking about that scene with Chris' birthday party because I just have to.

Eddie is trying so damn much. He sets up a whole party for a facetime call because he can't be there in person. Brings people to celebrate with him and surprise Chris. Since Chris probably hasn't spoken to or seen Buck since he left. He thought that maybe if he brought him, there might be a reaction. There might be something.

I understand why Chris is mad. He has every right to be. Eddie fucked up, there's no excusing that. We just know the full context, so we can give him sympathy. Chris hasn't given him a chance to explain, and even then, who knows what he would believe or accept. For a moment, he thought his mom had come back, just to have the reality that she isn't here, that she left again, brought back up. It doesn't matter how old he is, that pain will live with him for a long time.

If Eddie had the chance to explain it to Chris, I would like to believe that he would understand. They have the mutual experience of believing that Shannon had come back, even for a moment. That's the whole reason Eddie entertained the idea of going out with Kim in the first place.

A part of me wishes that Chris would have said something other than "uh huh." I wish that, even just for that day, he could have said something else. No matter what, it was his birthday and his dad wasn't there. Again. Chris would probably still have the pain of Eddie not being there for the first few years of his life, all those birthdays he missed. Even if it's just from hearing stories about how Eddie wasn't there, it would hurt.

So I wonder if that is hurting Chris again now. No matter how mad he is at Eddie, he is still his dad. There is still that love Chris has for him hiding beneath the anger. A part of him was probably missing his dad, even if he refused to acknowledge it.

And Helena. Oh my god, Helena. That jumpscare of her being there when the screen froze what awful. Her jumping in and immediately going on a spiel of how happy Chris is there. How he has new friends and a new hobby that Eddie isn't there to experience. How they're thinking of putting in a pool, just for Chris. Because she doesn't see him ever leaving. Ever going back to Eddie.

All while Eddie's entertaining a smile while his heart just breaks. Knowing he's missing everything again, and this time there's only him to blame. No job, no need for money, just him and everything that's broken.

It makes me wonder what Helena is saying to Chris every day. How much she dotes on him with the snide comments of "your dad never did this for you did he?" Pushing the idea that living with her is so much better than with Eddie.

People like Helena are sweet in their words but sour in their meaning. I know many people who act the same in real life. Most of the time, not realizing what they what they were really saying until many years later. Still, as an adult, I look back on situations and realize how naive I was to not see what they really meant.

Chris is still a kid, he's only fourteen. I can't imagine how much he believes what Helena says about Eddie. How his anger agrees with her judgements, and lets it spread.

I truly don't know how their going to continue with this storyline. I don't think we're going to get any real movement in it until episode four, since the plot will mainly focus on the opening emergency now that it's in full force.

All I can hope is that Eddie works on himself the way the articles imply he will. That he will take a deep look inside himself, and no matter what he sees, tries to be better. For himself, and more importantly, for his son.