#just have to keep at my exercises!! which i will happily do haha these ones are the perfect kind of low impact for my fibro

[pegglefan69]

Basically finished with this round of physical therapy woohoo 🥳🥳

[cheri-translates]

[CN] Project Savior Date (Ch 2)

✧ Chapter 1: here

After an unknown duration of time galloping along the street in early autumn, the ice-cream in my hand is eaten completely.

The rush of wind at my ear finally returns to silence.

I look up from Gavin’s back. What enters my vision is a brand new and impressive gate, and there are police officers patrolling around the entrance.

Gavin: We’re here.

MC: Wow, it’s really impressive! Sure enough, it’s a newly constructed base. It’s much larger than the old base. But the security seems very strict... Will there really be no issues if I went in?

Gavin: It’s fine, I’ve already obtained permission according to protocol.

Right after saying this, a tall police offer walks over to us quickly. Even before stepping out of the gate, he waves at us enthusiastically.

Officer: Captain Gavin, you’re here! Are you showing Sis-in-law around?

Gavin: ...cough. Mm. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Officer: Hey, you’re too polite. It isn’t an inconvenience at all!

The officer turns around and gives me a smile. Then, he hands me a registration book and pen.

Officer: Just write down your details. Here’s the visitor card - be sure to keep it properly. Captain Gavin is familiar with this place, so I won’t be a hindrance!

MC: Okay... thanks.

After the registration, I follow Gavin as we cross through the main building of the base and arrive at a spacious field at the back.

The young police dogs are currently taking a break from training and are having fun on the grass.

A chubby little bundle of fur with four short limbs is exerting its all to run and leap. Seeing this makes me chuckle.

MC: HAHA look at that one! It’s so rounded! Ahh, be careful-

Unable to contain myself, I grab the back of his hand and shake it, beckoning him to look at the adorable little one on the field.

Gavin’s gaze turns gentle. With a flip of his wrist, he encases my fingers in his hand.

We walk towards the little balls of fur as they run around. The grass and leaves beneath our feet release a soft rustling sound.

Flyer: Woo... woof! Woo...

All of a sudden, excited and soft barks drift from behind me. With a turn of my head, I spot Flyer wagging its fluffy tail while leaping towards me like a gust of wind.

MC: Flyer!!

Just as I brace myself to receive Flyer’s enthusiasm, Gavin steps in front of me quickly, grabbing Flyer as it lunges into the air. Gavin stumbles from the impact before stabilising himself.

MC: Pfft... Is Officer Gavin jealous that Flyer missed me more? You got in the way of my interaction with Flyer...

I arch my brows, pretending to be unhappy as I tease him.

Gavin puts Flyer down before releasing a resigned sigh.

Gavin: If I hadn’t stopped it, the both of you would be interacting on the ground.

Gavin’s serious tone causes me to stick my tongue out.

Flyer circles around us multiple times, the moist tip of its nose nuzzling mine and Gavin’s calves in turn.

Gavin: Why do I have a feeling that Flyer gained weight?

MC: Seems like it did. But it looks more adorable this way! Isn’t that right, Comrade Flyer?

As though knowing that I’m speaking up for it, Flyer tilts its head in satisfaction, its large black eyes blinking at me.

Flyer wags its tail vigorously, its soft and long fur exuding a golden lustre beneath the sunlight.

Gavin and I look at each other with a smile. The both of us reach out to rub its back, and Flyer happily sticks out its tongue.

As we rub it, Gavin talks to Comrade Flyer about its weight management issues sternly.

Gavin: Flyer, you’re a police dog. There are standards you must meet in terms of weight.

MC: That’s right... Flyer, why don’t we exercise?

I pat Flyer lightly. It seems to understand immediately and gets up from the ground.

Gavin picks up a frisbee which was left at the side. Then, he waves it at Flyer.

Turning my head, I see a trainer rewarding a dog which followed instructions with treats. I tug on Gavin’s sleeve.

MC: Officer Gavin, if Flyer passes the training, could we reward it with some mini treats?

At this moment, the frisbee in Gavin’s hand is the only thing filling Flyer’s vision. It sticks close to Gavin’s trousers as it encircles him elatedly, occasionally jumping up to prod it with its little paws.

Seeing that Flyer is in hot pursuit of the frisbee, Gavin uses another hand to hold it before chuckling in resignation.

Gavin: Looks like I won’t be able to free myself. You can get the treats.

Gavin: See that building in front? In the storage cabinet on the right side of the first floor... Flyer, wait! There’s a small cupboard with Flyer’s name written on it. Its favourite treats are inside... Flyer!

The sight of Flyer pestering Gavin causes me to laugh.

MC: Okay, I’ll head there now!

After saying this, I hurry over to the central building. Halfway there, I find myself turning my head -

The sunlight behind me is immersed in a warm and sweet orange-yellow colour, spilling over Gavin and Flyer as they play on the grass. Crystal-like specks of light appear as they run.

Following Gavin’s directions, I step into the central building. After making a right turn, I successfully locate the storage area. However, the scene before me is a little unexpected...

MC: This place is really high-tech. Even the cupboards for the dogs come with individual passwords... “Flyer”... ah, found it!

After searching through lines of cupboards, I finally find a cupboard at the bottom with Flyer’s name on a small plate.

MC: Oh wait, I forgot to ask for the password to the cupboard...

I retrieve my phone. After a dial tone, a familiar voice immediately drifts from the other line.

Gavin (on the phone): Can’t find the cupboard?

MC: I found it, but you didn’t tell me the password.

Gavin chuckles softly. His low and gentle voice drifts from the other line.

Gavin (on the phone): Is my jacket with you?

MC: Yes...

Gavin (on the phone): The password is very simple. There’s a hint on the key in the jacket pocket. You can give it a try.

MC: ...?

Gavin (on the phone): If you can’t figure it out after 15 minutes, I’ll look for you.

After hanging up, an insuppressible sense of curiosity rises from my heart.

After finding the keys from Gavin’s jacket pocket, I look at the plate on the cupboard carefully...

[ Mystery Box Gameplay Starts ]

Flyer’s cupboard (image below) features the numbers “0729″ and some tips on taking care of police dogs

Putting the black portions of the numbers “0729″ together will give you the number “8”

Players have to locate the 8th character in every line of tips:

Dogs cannot eat egg whites, but they can eat egg yolks

If dogs perform well, it’s okay to pet them on the head or give them food as a reward

Be patient when dealing with dogs, and do not use violence as it will damage the relationship they have with humans

During training, do not allow dogs to play with each other too much, as this will affect the building of close relations between the dog and its owner

If the owner has to be apart from the dog for a long time, he should place his clothes near where the dog eats in order to prevent the dog from getting depressed and stop eating

Putting the 8th character in every line together, players will obtain the password - 白头不相离 (Not apart from each other even when our hair turns white)

[ Mystery Box Gameplay Ends ]

With a “kacha”, the door of the cupboard pops open. The tip of my heart also pops a little.

MC: Is this... what he wants to tell me?

Warmth fills my entire chest. I try to suppress the palpitations of my heart while reaching out to search the cupboard.

There’s a familiar thin jacket, motorcycle gloves, a cap, and even a fleece scarf for winter.

MC: Huh? Why are there so many of Gavin’s things?

After “exploring” the depths of the cupboard, I finally find a few cans of treats.

MC: I’ll go with this. There seems to be a lot of meat, and Flyer will definitely like it.

After grabbing the can of jerky, I shut the cupboard and walk out of the storage room quickly.

When I return, I see that Gavin is currently sitting on the grass.

Flyer, who is tired from playing, is lying on his legs leisurely, stretching out a paw.

I shake the can gently in front of Gavin.

Flyer’s ears immediately perk up, and it wags its tail in anticipation. Gavin lifts his head at the same time.

Gavin: You... managed to figure out the password?

MC: If you want to stump me, you’d have to raise the difficulty level.

I tease him with a satisfied expression on my face, squatting down to pat him on the shoulder.

Perhaps due to playing around with Flyer, a few crystal-like droplets of sweat are hanging on his eyelashes and stray hair, emitting damp water vapour.

Gavin: I didn’t mean to stump you. It’s just that... cough. I’ve always wanted to tell you that, but couldn’t find an appropriate time.

A faint red hue surfaces on his cheek. His eyes focus on me, tender and determined.

MC: Since you’ve said it, I’ll remember it. No taking it back.

I lift my eyes to meet his directly, unable to conceal the smile in them.

Hearing my response, Gavin seems to release a sigh of relief.

Gavin: Don’t worry, I won’t take it back.

Just as we’re looking at each other with a smile, the “neglected” Flyer starts to whimper.

Flyer: Woof! Woo... Awoo...

MC: Okay, okay, we aren’t ignoring you. I brought you food, didn’t I!

Gavin takes the can in my hand before twisting it open. After smelling the scent of jerky, Flyer lifts its watery eyes in anticipation and stares at his hand.

I can’t help but chuckle, quickly taking out the biggest piece and giving it to Flyer. Then, I lean against Gavin to look at it tucking in happily.

After it finishes eating the jerky, Gavin plays a few more rounds of frisbee with the energetic Flyer.

That is, until Flyer sticks out its tiny tongue, panting while laying on the ground.

MC: Is Flyer tired? In that case, let’s take a break and visit your little juniors, okay?

I pat Flyer’s soft and warm ears. Although I seem to be talking to Flyer, I’m grinning while looking at Gavin, getting him to show us the way.

Flyer: Woof!

Seeing that Flyer and I are “singing the same tune”, his eyes crinkle into a smile as he shakes his head. He stuffs his hands into his pockets while walking forward, signalling for us to follow him.

I guide Flyer underneath his slender and tall shadow while looking at his back view, which is close enough to touch.

The hem of his white shirt stirs slightly with the wind, flipping upwards nimbly before settling down, reminiscent of a new leaf being blown by the wind.

Gavin: What’s wrong?

When I return to my senses, I notice that Gavin has turned around and is currently looking at me in confusion.

MC: Nothing much~ I just think that Captain Gavin’s back is really handsome too, so I couldn’t help but stare.

Gavin pauses. Sunlight lands on his arched brows, softening his features.

He takes a few steps closer to me, my reflection filling his deep eyes as he looks at me.

Gavin: You can stare for as long as you want.

MC: I...

He speaks frankly and seriously, causing my face to flush.

At this moment, the little bundles of fur on the ground gather around us in anticipation.

Taking a break from training, the little puppies surround us and their “Senior” Flyer amicably, their bean-like eyes sparkling brightly.

I avert my gaze to look at the young puppies and Flyer, wanting to change the subject to break this suddenly affectionate atmosphere.

MC: Gavin, look! This is basically a fan meeting for Senior Flyer!

Gavin: Alternatively, this is more like an excellent police dog conducting a lesson in the preparatory school?

I squat down and pat Flyer on the back gently.

MC: Flyer, Captain Gavin said that you’re an excellent police dog!

Flyer: Woo! Woo woof woof woof!

As though understanding what I said, Flyer lifts its head proudly, barking a few times at the little furballs spiritedly, as though giving his juniors a lecture.

MC: Come to think of it, the internet said that some police dogs are put up for adoption after they retire. People who meet the qualifications can adopt them. Is this true?

Gavin: It is.

MC: In that case, can we adopt Flyer when it retires?

Gavin: You want to adopt Flyer?

The heartwarming images that I often see in the park surface in my mind. However, the people in the images turn into Gavin and I.

MC: Mm. Let’s adopt Flyer together. When that time comes, we’ll take it for walks after work. When the weather’s good, we can play frisbee with it in the park.

Gavin lowers his eyes and ponders for a moment. A few stray hairs fall in front of his forehead, swaying playfully in front of his eyes.

Gavin: It won’t be difficult. We’ll have priority if we apply to adopt retired police dogs. But I should say this first - Flyer sheds an incredible amount of fur in summer...

MC: In that case, Officer Gavin will need to use a lint roller to get rid of all the fur from the sofa every day! I’ll leave this difficult mission to you.

Gavin: Mm, okay. I’ll be responsible for the cleanliness.

By the time the trainer picks Flyer up, it’s already close to dusk.

The sun, which was filled with vitality the entire afternoon, finally grows indolent, causing the light to gradually turn into a warm orange.

Flyer looks reluctant to leave, and the way it turns back thrice while being guided away by the trainer resembles a kid who is being sent to school.

MC: Flyer, be sure to eat well and work hard! Be good. We’ll visit you again next time~

Upon hearing this, Gavin chuckles.

Lifting my head to look at the orange setting sun, I take a deep breath.

MC: Sigh, my vacation is about to end. I don’t want such a lovely weekend to end like this...

While saying this, I grab Gavin’s arm and bury my face in it. I prolong my words, pretending to complain.

Gavin: It doesn’t have to end yet.

I lift my head. Thinking about how we don’t have plans after this, I wait for him to continue speaking.

Gavin: I came across a “sacred place to visit” nearby on the internet which is suitable for watching the sunset... The time’s just right. Want to take a look?

MC: Of course!

Before Gavin can finish speaking, I pull on him excitedly, rushing over to Sparky, which is parked outside the base.

Gavin: Slow down, we can make it in time.

MC: Places that trend on the internet are very crowded. We have to go early in order to grab the best viewing spots!

✧ Chapter 3: here

[maxdemianfangirl]

Thinking of worshipping Lilith? Don't know where to start?

Well I got you! I got plenty of advice for worshipping the fertility goddess, maybe even with a bit of Kabbalah in it~

I'm No. 11 of the Fatui Harbingers, codename Childe, but also go by Tartaglia. And you... Hmm, you too like to cause quite the stir, don't you? Something tells me we're going to get along splendidly.

You know, there are better ways to seek out our enemies than... well, standing here.

This place is pretty dead... By which I mean, there's nothing to kill.

I wonder what the rest of the harbingers are up to? Plotting and scheming on an ever-grander scale, no doubt.

Where I'm from, if we didn't keep moving, we'd freeze to death. Literally.

Ah, perfect weather for fishing! The sound of the rain scares them away, but once it stops, they're yours for the taking.

Haha, ahh... could it be snowing in Snezhnaya too?

The world looks glorious in the snow. Pure white, like the light of the moon. A perfect backdrop for bloodshed.

The wind is picking up. There is conflict in the air.

Just look at that wind blow!

The wind permeates all, cleansing both mind and body. Excellent.

Morning, comrade! You're raring to go today, I see.

You look well. What's your secret? Care to exchange notes?

Whew, dinner was quite the feast. A spot of exercise is in order.

Today was great. See you tomorrow, comradel

A warrior must always be ready to face any challenge with his blade. The outcome of the battle is irrelevant - what matters is that you learn from the experience.

Ah, I'm sure the Harbingers must know of my dealings with you by now. Oh, I'd love to see the look on their faces... Hahaha....

I am the least adept with a bow. And that is precisely why I must master it.

You wield such powers without owning a Vision... I really am excited to see what you have in store for us... Let's see how far you can go. Just don't go dying on me before you lay it all on the line in our own final battle! I won't allow it!

Comrade, how would you like to join the Fatui? ...Actually, scrap that. With your capabilities, you and I could head-to-head with the Eleven and win. Wouldn't want to miss an opportunity like that. (Actual voiceline: Comrade, how would you like to join the Fatui? ...Actually, scrap that. With your capabilities, you and could go head-to-head with the Harbingers and win. Wouldn't want to miss an opportunity like that.)

If it makes me stronger, I'll take it. Vision? Great. Delusion? Don't mind if I do. Heretical teachings from the Abyss? Sign me up.

The skeletal-white snowscape devours life without leaving any trace. It is the invisible enemy we fight against each day.

I once ventured deep into the abyss and came face to face with an enormous beast. don't know its name, all I know is the sight of it chilled me to the bone. But mark my words, one day I will march back in there and behead that beast, and you, comrade, will be my witness!

It's been years since I last saw my master. I should hope that next we meet, I'll at least be able to force her to use both hands to beat me...

There's far more to that man than meets the eye. As for the extent of his power.... lots to look forward to. I think.

Tell me, how has Mr. Zhongli been lately? Not bad, you say? Seems he's had no problem acclimating to "mortal" life. Hmph, he sure had me fooled. Such a fiasco mustn't be so easily forgiven! The only way to reconciliation is fierce combat! What do you mean I'm no match for him? Hahaha...

Her Royal Highness the Tsaritsa is actually a gentle soul. Too gentle, in fact, and that's why she had to harden herself. Likewise, she declared war against the whole world only because she dreams of peace. And because she made an enemy of the world, I had the chance to become acquainted with you.

Varka? Just the thought of one day going head-to head with him in combat. the fabled Knight of Boreas himself, titan of the Knights of Favonius... It makes me buzz with excitement. It's a beautiful life we live in this world.

Remember, comrade, one day I will conquer the world!

Face me in person, man to man, and I'll always have a chance of beating you. Same goes if you're a deity or a monster from the abyss. But the Harbingers? They are more enamored with their intangible methods, spending their days scheming and maneuvering. This is why we cannot get along.

However far away my motherland may be, we all live under the same sky. That snow-white moon... My family must be able to see it too. hope my siblings are well... And hope that they have turned out to be formidable warriors too.. (Actual voiceline: However far away my motherland may be, we all live under the same sky. That snow white moon... My family must be able to see it too. hope my siblings. I hope that they have turned out to be formidable warriors as well.)

Comrade, a word of advice: Don't go yelling stupid things in the heat of battle. They might sound good in your head, but if you think about it, they make no sense at all. I'm talking about things like, "I'm on fire!" That's the last thing we want. Fire leaves behind nothing but ashes. And you must survive at all costs.

Ah, how time flies. One day. you will see how I conquer the world and crush the thrones of gods beneath my heel. In the meantime... no dying, comrade! Keep yourself alive, haha.

Ice fishing and combat follow the same principle. Patience and decisiveness are key. Though having said that... I suppose the same is true of everything in life.

My pet peeves? Hmm, well, to be honest, I'm far too busy journeying with you and slaying powerful enemies to dwell on such trifling matters.

There's plenty of delicious food to sink your teeth into in this world... and plenty of fights to sink your teeth into as well. Life is beautiful.

Food is like weaponry. A true warrior never deliberates unduly over their choice of weapon. nor do they do so over the food they eat. Neither should you.

Happy birthday. comradel Anyone you need knocked off their perch today? Let me know. I'll happily oblige...

Ho. feel like I've gotten stronger! Now, who shall I use as my guinea pig...

"A warrior's strength is like a dome. The bigger the dome. the more opponents he can challenge inside it." Hmm. who was it that said this again?

Bravo, comrade! Thanks to your help. I am one step closer to my goal of conquering the world. I doubt even the Tsaritsa herself ever expected I would make it this far.

Comrade. Make sure you keep training too. Otherwise, who will be left to fight me to the death when the world lies defeated at my feet?

[omoi-no-hoka]

Hello! I'm sorry if this has been asked before, but how do you become proficient at handling conversations in Japanese/handling grammar very well? I read your post on the JLPT, and it addressed issues I have been tip toe-ing around--indeed, passive actions such as listening or reading are easier than the active ones. How did you go about that? Did you write a bunch of sentences daily? Did you have a conversation partner? What would you rec. to someone who lives outside Japan? Thank you!

This is an excellent question, and one that I get asked a lot irl by Japanese people in particular. Let’s talk about gaining fluency and the ways we can go about it!

How to Gain Fluency in Japanese (and Other Languages)

Speaking Fluency versus Accuracy

Language proficiency is divided into two separate categories:

Fluency: Although there are no widely agreed-upon definitions or measures of language fluency, someone is typically said to be fluent if their use of the language appears fluid, or natural, coherent, and easy as opposed to slow, halting use. In other words, fluency is often described as the ability to produce language on demand and be understood.

Accuracy: Correctness of language use, especially grammatical correctness and word choice.

By the above definitions, a “fluent” speaker may make grammatical mistakes, but they can speak without having to stop and think too much about conjugations, word choice, etc.

An “accurate” speaker can speak with nearly zero grammatical/word choice mistakes. However, the speed of their utterances isn’t generally taken into account, so it could take an “accurate” person twice as long to articulate the same idea as a “fluent” person. 

Ideally, you need to strike a good balance between these two qualities when speaking. I have a boss, God bless him, who is 100% fluency and 0% accuracy and…man is it hard to understand what he’s saying sometimes, but he can generally get his point across just barely. I have another coworker who is 100% accuracy and takes about 3 minutes to form a sentence because he wants it to be perfect. 

How to Increase Speaking/Writing Accuracy

First, let’s talk about the easiest thing to improve, which is accuracy. It’s also (in my opinion) the least fun thing to improve, because it means grammar books and vocabulary memorization. 

You can only use a language accurately if you know what is correct and what is incorrect, and you can only learn that by studying grammar and vocabulary (or if you’re a native speaker and picked it up innately, you lucky bastard).

So here’s some things you can do to increase your accuracy:

For example, if you’re having a hard time using the passive, you need to review that part of your textbook and find some exercises to drill it into your head. 

Say the correct thing aloud. Lots. Sometimes I just walk around my apartment and narrate everything I see/do like a crazy person, but that’s good practice. 

Write example sentences using the grammar you’re struggling with and say them aloud too. 

There’s a bunch of cool apps that connect you with native speakers that can help correct you too! I used to use HelloTalk, I think. 

If you’re a creative soul, when I was studying for the JLPT, I took 1 grammar point and 5 vocabulary words from my JLPT study books and used them to write a 2-page short story about the adventures of ネギ, a stray black cat that smelled like green onions because she napped in an onion field. Then I had a Japanese friend check it over for me and mark mistakes. I hand-wrote them to improve my abysmal handwriting at the same time. It was really fun! I sometimes think about doing it again just for funsies.

When someone corrects you, don’t feel like your entire life is over and you’re a failure and you’ll never get it right haha. I’ve seen people fall into that hopeless mindset, and that’s just nonsense. It’s a good opportunity for learning and nothing more! Say the correct thing you’ve just been taught out loud, then write it down if you can. And, if possible, find a chance to use it in conversation asap.

How to Increase Speaking/Writing Fluency

Now this is the hard one. Especially for those learners who do not have native speakers nearby. 

I’m going to be dead honest with you. I started formally studying Japanese at uni, and I had a Japanese roommate/best friend since year one. I had a 4.0 GPA in my Japanese classes (and only my Japanese classes lol) because I was and still am a MEGA NERD about it. 

...But it wasn’t until I studied abroad in Japan my 4th year of uni that I gained fluency. 

There are a lot of things that can hold us back from fluency. An interesting thing I’ve noted is that Foreign Language is perhaps the only subject in which a student’s personality can directly affect their progress. To gain fluency, you have to go forth and speak, but if you are naturally a shy person, that is going to hinder you. If you are the kind of person who takes mistakes/failures poorly, you will be less likely to take risks and try to say harder sentences. In contrast, you can get full marks in math regardless of the above personality traits. 

I’m not saying that you have to be an outgoing explosion of a human being in order to gain fluency. But what I am saying is that you have to be willing to seek out conversations, and you have to be willing to take chances. Get out of your comfort zone. Use that new word you picked up the other day. Try to explain something that is difficult for you. 

My problem was that, while I lived with a native speaker who would have happily taught me anything I asked, her English proficiency was much higher than my Japanese proficiency. And when I struggled to say something in Japanese, I’d fall back onto English. And when she told me something I didn’t understand in Japanese, she’d repeat it in English instead of Japanese, because that was easier for us both. The same thing happened when I was in Japanese class as well. I always had the assurance that I could fall back on English.

But when I elected to study abroad in Japan for 3 months, I knew that this was my big chance. So on the host family form in the “other requests” area, I wrote that I specifically wanted a host family that could not speak English. I was setting fire to my crutches, and I was scared but excited to see them burn. 

By the end of my three months in Japan, I had gone from “Chotto matte kudasai” and needing a minute to form my reply, to “Okay, yeah I see that movie too and I liked the action scenes, but I didn’t care for the story little.” (I’ve underlined mistakes that I would have made in Japanese, to show you that I sacrificed some accuracy to obtain higher fluency.)

So, in short, the easiest and quickest way to increase your spoken fluency is to throw away all the crutches you can and use the language as much as possible. Every single day. Even if you’re just having an imaginary conversation with yourself! And like I said, there are a bunch of cool apps that connect you with Japanese people who want to learn English and you can do language exchanges with them. I had a lot of fun with those in the past. 

As for increasing writing fluency...well. That’s a tough question with Japanese, because I can type Japanese at like 100 wpm, but my Japanese handwriting fluency is at a 10/100. I can read and type at the level of a native Japanese high school student, but I can only write the kanji that 7 year old can write. That’s no exaggeration.

The big reason for that dichotomy is that my work is paper-free. 100% of my work is done on screen, so about the only time I have to write out something is when I’m filling out a form, which includes my name (katakana), address, and maybe occupation. 

If you want to increase your Japanese handwriting speed, just keep on writing. Write those little short stories about ネギ like I did, or find some writing prompts (I just started a side-blog with writing prompts yesterday btw) or keep a little diary. Make opportunities to write. 

How to Have Nice Handwriting in Japanese

Okay, full disclaimer: I am the absolute LAST person qualified to talk about this, because I have awful handwriting in Japanese. 

Unless you have prior experience with a different language that uses kanji, or you lack the keen eye of an artist, you will likely struggle to develop neat handwriting. 

Personally, I really like using this app called Japanese Kanji Sensei. It’s on Android (not sure about iOS), and if you pay just a few bucks you can make your own kanji sets and stuff. Anyways, it will show you how to write the characters prettily. It gives you a good frame of reference for what nice, pencil/pen-written characters (versus calligraphy characters). It has hiragana and katakana on it too!

I get a stylus and write out the characters on this app for the muscle memory, so my hands remember the sensation of writing a certain character. (The muscle memory is different if you only use your fingertip.) This muscle memory and repetition is how Japanese people learn how to internalize kanji as well. I really enjoy and recommend this app. I’m sure that there are others out there like it too.

Summary

TL;DR: Review your textbooks, take risks, use every resource available or make your own, and just have fun with it! 💗

[yetanotherreader]

Pain, so much pain

[spn finale spoilers]

i'm in pain. in so much pain, it's crazy. i did not expect that ending at all. it's so hard to accept that this era has come to an end, and like this. this was the most unexpected thing to happen, to see sam carrying on without dean for the rest of his life. his "apple pie life" which wasn't half as beautiful as before because unlike the hard, monster filled life of pain, this one was without his brother. sam and dean lived only for each other. dean died giving sam what dean wanted the most, for him to live a life that was normal. sam gave dean what dean wanted the most too. the pain is excruciating. i can't believe the people i held onto in my darkest moments bid me a goodbye like this. i can't bring myself to accept this and am just somehow hoping for a miracle to happen and a finale be shot again. but unfortunately, it won't.

my life, personally, has been anything but normal. of course not as crazy as the winchesters but yeah haha. i've got a fucked up mental health and even more fucked up family. i haven't really got friends, and the people i met online who want to be there for me, i can't bring myself to talk to them about what i go through. so sam and dean have been the people i held onto, for a long long time. past few months were especially hard, and the past few days took a few hard turns for me. and it now feels harder to know that the people who were "there for me" aren't there anymore. and not only because the show has ended. it's funny how someone who doesn't even exist can have such a deep impact on your life. dean has been so special for me, it's hard to bring into words. he was my comfort person. a person i related to a lot. maybe the only character i actually did relate to. to see him going without even having the chance to live, after struggling all through his life took away a little hope from me, but again like he would say carry on.

Dean deserved better and Sam deserved better. They deserved all the happiness the world has to offer. They still do. What made me happy is that they actually are together, maybe not in this world but the other. But the possibility of what all they could have, what all they deserved just makes a little space in my heart which is hard to fill. They are always going to be permanent parts of my heart.

I know it's been so hard for everyone, but I guess this family we made here is together and will always be. Dean and Sam are alive for us and will be. Dean did not die an untimely death here, in this fandom he's living happily with Sam. Dean married (Y/N is you're a dean girl) and Sam married (Y/N if you're a sam girl). Every day starts with Sam forcing Dean to exercise while Miracle play around happily and it ends with Dean eating a big slice of pie while Sam shakes his head, sometimes annoyed and sometimes happily. They spoil their girls everyday. Sometimes they all sit together as the boys tell you about the hunts they've been on. Dean bragging about his heroism and Sam doing the same sometimes. It isn't until midnight when they're alone with their wives that they opened up about the struggles they faced. A few tears and a lot of kisses, you make love until his pain is replaced with pleasure. And just like that, a new day starts and their lives carry on.

I'm still not sure when I'll be active again, like I said it's been really hard lately. My career, my family and even myself. Nothing seems to go right. I'm surrounded by a lot of toxic and abusive people and now of course, now that my favorite people have gone, it's gonna be even harder. I guess I'll have to read a few fics to finally feel Dean alive again. So do suggest me if there are some fix-it fics. And please talk about your experiences too, I know it's hard on all of us. I love you, always keep fighting. 🦚

[ellana-ravenwood]

The day he lost Titus - Damian Wayne x Batmom

I was thinking about how Damian LOVES his animals so much, and how heartbreaking it would be if he lost one. And since I like writing him actually acting like the kid he is...I wrote a quick drabble about it. Hope you’ll like it :

My masterlist blog : @ella-ravenwood-archives

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                                                       ******

It happened at the Kent’s farm.

You were invited there by Clark’s mother, who had been asking for YEARS that your family come see the farm one day. And spend a relaxing time there. Not worrying about city problems, and being surrounded by nature (”and cows, and their smell, and hay fever...” you’re pretty sure Bruce would add, a sort of disdain in his voice. He was NOT a country boy).

Martha Kent and her son were very close from each others, and more than once Clark confided in her about the struggles of being “Superman”. And how much, surprisingly, the Batman and his family actually helped out.  

Against what most people would think, given their history, Bruce was the first person to understand how lonely it was to be Superman. To be that over-powerful being, that never quite found his place in the world (at least when they first met).

He was the first one to get how alone Clark could feel, and how much he felt like an outcast. Then again, it was mainly because Bruce could truly understand what it was like.

Him too, for different reasons though, felt disconnected from “normal” people most of the time. He truly understood Clark...and through the years, in his own way, helped him out to find his place in the World.

And sure, at first, they clashed a lot. Clark had some prejudices about Bruce, and vice versa. But over the years, they truly became friends and helped each others more than they’d ever imagined.

They saved each others countless times. Every time it happened, they understood one another, and their motives, more and more. And so they slowly but surely became best friends.

When you entered Bruce’s life, Clark saw a clear shift in his behavior. 

A very welcomed one as well. It was as if a light came back in the Bat’s heart. A little flame fueled by love. And that fire was fanned by the kids entering both your lives, one by one.

You too, became close friend with Clark. Your children were friend with theirs. And Lois ? Ah you and her really got along well. You both knew which button to push to annoy your husbands, and also thought it was hilarious, to see two grown ass men getting vexed so fast.

Especially knowing it was the mighty Superman, and the fearless Batman.

In any way, long story short, Martha wanted to invite Bruce, you, and your family over because she knew how much you all counted for her son. For her grandsons. And for her beloved daughter-in-law. 

Only you all had quite busy lives, and when you could go, then Clark and/or Lois weren’t available, and vice versa.

Plus, let’s be honest, your husband wasn’t particularly thrilled about going to “Smallville”. He really was the epitome of a “city boy”. It took a little push on your part to finally convince Bruce that it was a good idea.

Though you didn’t have to spend a long time trying to convince him, in the end. Because he just had to see how excited Damian was about going (some story involving Jon talking about a cool forrest to built a tree house in or something like that) and he was sold.

It was so rare to see his son that excited about things as trivial as building a tree house...

Damian, because of how he was raised, often dismissed the childish side of him that stayed dormant for so long. So to see him embrace it like that ? Of course Bruce would finally make the time to go.

************

And here you were, on a warm Sunday afternoon, at the Kent’s farm.

You could see, as Alfred drove the car up the dusty road leading to the house, that Bruce already regretted this decision. He was looking like a goddamn brat who didn’t want to do something, and was being forced into it. 

You were 100% sure he would have rather spend the day at Wayne Manor, watching movies with his kids and you. Just him and his family. 

But hey, in your heart, the Kents were kind of family too. 

As Alfred pulled over right in front of the barn, the Kents greeted you immediately, getting out of the house. 

You barely saw your youngest son barge out of the car, and run to his friend. Jon waved at you all quickly from afar, Damian said “hello” to Clark, Lois and Martha...And off they were, followed by a very excited Titus. 

Ah, of course you took the dogs with you. It was the perfect opportunity for them to see more than Wayne Manor’s ground (though it was big enough for them to have plenty of exercise). 

Damian, Jon and Titus quickly disappeared in the fields, saying “yes yes” to Martha telling them lunch would be serve in an hour. 

“You can go too, Ace, you know ?” 

You tell Bruce’s dog, as he clearly was tempted to follow his little brother in the fields. But the dog was looking at his unhappy master, and you just knew he wouldn’t go just because he was worried about him. 

What a good boy. 

Bruce, however, wasn’t being a good boy at all...

He looked very grumpy. 

You bumped him with your shoulder, and he looked at you, his frown not disappearing though his eyes softened a bit. You rolled your eyes, and before he could say anything, you gave him some antihistaminic you took with you because you knew of his severe hay fever (another reason he disliked the country and didn’t want to come in the first place). 

He looked happy you thought about it, and even happier about the fact you seemed to have read his mind as you gave it to him before he even said something....but he still wasn’t in the best mood, and obviously did not want to be here. 

And oh Clark, Lois and Martha were walking towards you now, and you DID NOT want them to think you forced Bruce to come. Because you didn’t, he said “yes” of his own volition (well, maybe with a little convincing...), and you were certain he would have a good time. 

He was just being a grumpy boy right now, for the sake of it, really. He had a reputation to keep...Ah but a genuine smile from you, and a mischievous wink, and everything was fine for the Bat. Before he noticed, he was smiling back at you, and it was too late to go back now. 

Damn it, you tricked him again, with your cute smile and your winks to die for. 

His mood was instantly lifted, and the negative thoughts that were invading his mind until now, suddenly gave place to thoughts about how nice it was, to spend a day far from Gotham, with his children, his wife, his dogs, Alfred, and his best friends...And all of that, because you smiled at him. 

You’d certainly call him “cheesy”, and it was true. He really was right now. 

But you loved the fact you could (almost) always cheer him up with a smile and a wink. Of course, when he was in one of his genuine dark days, it took a lot more work...but right now ? His biggest problem was his hay fever (and he had the antihistaminic you gave him), and the fact he wasn’t a fan of the country side. Plus the fact he wanted to spend his only day off of the week with his family, and his family only...

But as Clark and Lois came forward, smiling brightly at them, something in Bruce’s heart softly said : “You are with your family”. 

He turned around, and although Damian and Titus left already, he was surrounded by all the people he loved. 

You. Dick. Jason. Cass. Tim. Alfred. Conner (with whom he grew close because he was Timothy’s best friend, but also because at the beginning, he was there when Clark wasn’t, and he was the one that convinced Clark to take care of him). Lois. Martha Kent (who reminded him a lot of his own mother...sometimes a bit too much. That nursing side of hers could make him feel very melancholic and missing his own mothers, at times). And the king of idiots, Clark Kent. 

Oh ! And Ace ! His lovely dog. He petted the dog between the ears, saying a low “such a good boy”, and Ace became the happiest dog on Earth. 

Yes. He was with his family. Why the Hell was he feeling so grumpy a few minutes before ? Oh well, it was in his nature to be like that, sometimes. 

Your smile, once again, saved him from all the negative thinking he was doing. He lost count long ago of the many times you saved him from falling in a dark pit of despair and sadness, with that wonderful smile of yours...

And so, when Clark came to shake his hand, Bruce Wayne was actually genuinely in a good mood, and only teased his friend lightly, taking a jab at his flannel (because hey, he couldn’t say NOTHING right ? The man would then think he was important to him or something...haha). 

Yes. As Bruce saw his kids happily following Conner inside the house, you talking with Martha, and Lois and Clark smiling at him and answering his teasing...He felt strangely appeased. 

Today was going to be a good day. 

************

Bruce was certain that today was going to be a good day. And oh it started so well. 

Tim, Cass and Conner immediately disappeared in the boy��s room to play some “Cheese Viking”, as Superboy just got the latest version and couldn’t wait to “kick their ass” (and god was he going to have a surprise, when he’ll discover that Cass was the best cheese viking player he ever met). 

Dick and Jason went to help Martha finish the remaining of the cooking. 

Both your oldest sons always liked to help Alfred cook, when they were younger. And it kind of stuck with them even now. Then again, it used to be just them and Alfred, back then. No other little siblings to pester them to play or train with them ! So of course, they’d take a liking to cooking more than their brothers and sister. 

Alfred wanted to go help too, but was shooed away by Clark’s mother who said he was too used to serve others, and needed to be pampered too sometimes. 

Clark, Lois, Bruce and you, after making sure Martha didn’t need help (after all, she shoed away Alfred and had two strong boys to help her out, she was definitely fine), were talking, gathered around the dining room’s table. 

And Bruce felt so at ease, here, surrounded by his friends and love. It was also very comforting, that his children were currently acting like “normal” people, playing outside, playing video games, or just cooking. 

It was also oddly comforting, to see Alfred snoozing away slowly, sitting on the couch (poor man hardly ever had a break). 

And Bruce was just so sure this would be a great day ! 

That’s when Damian came in, tears in his eyes, followed by a Jon whose face said it all.

Something bad had just happened. 

You didn’t know what yet, but to turn your son in that state, and for Jon to make that saddened face.

Did they fight ? No. No if they did they would be destroying the barn right now, and make so much noise that you’d go break them up.

Did they got hurt ? You never saw Damian cry because he hurt himself...in fact, the only few times you saw him cry, was when you all thought Dick was dead, when you told him he could call you “mom” and when his father forgot his birthday...

“What is it sweetie ?”

You ask him, utterly worried. 

Damian doesn’t think, and goes straight to your arms. Which shocks everyone in attendance (well, everyone but Bruce, Alfred and your children. They saw the boy clinging to you more than once when he was distressed...but they understood why it must be a shock to Clark, Lois and Jon, who only ever saw his son acting tough and confident, if not arrogant).

Sitting around the kitchen table, you catch your son and wrap your arms around him. He lays his head on your shoulder and sobs, and you know it must be really bad when your hand running up and down his back in a soothing motion doesn’t calm him, when your other free hand scratching his scalp doesn’t stop his tears...

Because those two movements combined ? It usually calmed the Wayne boys down in a matter of seconds. 

Finally, he speaks. And you understand.

“Titus is gone..”

************

It’s you, who gave him Titus.

The idea came to you one morning, as you saw Bruce and his own dog, Ace, walk in the manor’s gardens. You remembered when your husband got Ace, and how quick it clicked between them. 

And bam. It hit you all of a sudden.

You caught your Broosh hugging and talking to his dog often. 

Most of the time, Bruce would tell you what he feels, but sometimes, when you fought for example, he would vent to his dear dog. Let out his frustration. Or just talk about things he thought were too sappy, that he often ended up telling you anyway, but you know what ? At least, the dog couldn’t repeat to anyone that he called you his “sun”.

And the way Bruce was interacting with Ace is what gave you the idea.

You were going to buy a dog for Damian.

Taking care of a living thing would be great training (this was BEFORE he had his own little zoo in the cave, with cats and cows and bats and freaking dragons) for him, work on his compassion.

Besides, it was nice to have someone to whom you could vent everything to. Ideally, you wanted him to come to you whenever he had a problem, but you knew it was impossible. So...A  dog it would be.

And just like with Bruce and Ace, Damian and Titus instantly clicked. 

They both had this “high” air about them (probably coming from the fact Titus was a great dane), but under this almost arrogant looking persona, they both were extremely sensitive, and craved love and affection.

Getting him Titus did everything you hoped for, and even more. You knew for a fact that whenever your son felt down, and didn’t want to talk about it to anyone...He’d confide in his dog, and would hug him all night long. 

Titus was an easy dog. He listened well, and was calm. He was always there for his “master”, and oh him and Damian were so adorable ! 

Taking care of a living being genuinely helped Damian understand a lot of things he had difficulty to fathom, at first. In the end, Bruce was convinced that you getting him Titus was kind of vital in his development, in him becoming empathic and “human” again. 

Well, of course, your husband still thought YOU were the main reason Damian evolved that much, as you truly showed him love, compassion and forgiveness...but Titus most definitely helped. 

You were glad, you got him a dog. Glad your son had at least one best friend, no matter what. 

Today though, you wished you hadn’t done it, as he was clinging to you, crying, devastated, because Titus got lost...

************

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry ! It’s all my fault !”

“No, it isn’t...”

“But Damian, I’m the one that-”

“It’s not your fault !”

It took Damian quite a long time, before he could stop crying and choke on his tears. He only managed to tell you that “Titus was gone”, without more details, before he cried even more.

And none of you dared to disrupt him.

He looked so crushed, you had to let him have this break down moment. 

And so you just held him against your heart, trying to soothe him. 

You were quickly joined by your other sons and daughter, who were alarmed by the sound of their little brother crying. 

Them too, weren’t used to see him genuinely cry. And their comforting hands joined yours as they surrounded Damian, trying to convey their understanding and love to him. 

Your husband and Alfred stayed a bit away, not wanting to overwhelm the boy, but also trying to figure out what happened exactly ? What did he mean, Titus was “gone” ? 

When Damian finally sort of calmed down, he explained : 

“We were -choked sob- we were playing catch with Titus, and saying how fast he was bringing back the ball. So then I told Jon to throw it as far as he could ! And so he did, and Titus went running right after ! But then he didn’t came back for a long time, and -another chocked sob- when Jon flew up and used his supervision, he couldn’t see him ! So we went into the forrest, trying to find him, but he was nowhere ! And even with his supervision Jon couldn’t find him !” 

Damian fell back in your arms, and you stroked his back once more. 

“I’m sorry Damian...” 

“It’s not your fault. He always came back...If-if he was alright, he would be back by now !” 

It was cute, how Damian was clearly not angry at Jon for throwing the ball too far. It wasn’t really the boy’s fault anyway...But your boy tended to be a bit irrational, when he was angry and/or sad. The fact he didn’t get mad at his friend clearly showed how far along the road he went.

Which broke your heart even more, to see him so devastated about the fact Titus MIGHT be gone forever. 

Oh but it wasn’t your family’s style to abandon ! 

And amongst the chaos of Damian sobbing, and this fact destabilizing all of you...Ace came to the rescue. 

He came to you, and nudge you in the leg, barking. He then went on the house’s porch, and barked some more, before coming back to you, and running to the porch again. 

Bruce understood instantly what his beloved dog meant. 

“I think he picked Titus’ scent !” 

************

This was awful. 

A great day turned into a disaster. 

Ace did pick Titus’ scent up, but lost his trail at a stream. Your husband’s dog wasn’t getting any younger, and his sense of smell wasn't as great as it used to be. The stream was enough for him to lose his little brother’s track...

That’s when Clark came into action. You were all sure now, that Titus crossed that stream. Now the dog was fast, but not fast enough to escape Superman’s great heightened senses ! 

Except...Except Clark couldn’t see or hear Titus anywhere. 

And that’s when Bruce knew they wouldn’t find Titus again...If even Clark “I can smell brownies being made in Kansas while I’m in space” Kent couldn’t find him, then it meant that Titus was probably...probably...

It was rare, for Damian to jump in his father’s embrace willingly like that. They weren’t particularly big huggers, and did it only in specific situations. 

They hugged you a lot. But dad and son ? They were a bit awkward with each others at time. Except in certain situations. 

Like right now. 

Damian losing one of his best friend, his beloved dog, Titus...And so Bruce picked his little boy up (because right now, no matter what he went through, Damian truly was, just a little boy), and hugged him tight against his chest. 

************

It had been three days since Titus disappeared, and Damian was still unconsolable. 

For the first time since he entered your lives, he didn’t want to go out on patrol. For three nights in a row...He didn’t even felt like venting his frustration and sadness by kicking bad guys’ asses ! 

The loss of his dog really hit him hard. 

You knew he loved him, but you never realized to what extent. It felt as if he just lost a member of his family...And in a way, he really did. 

Titus was here when neither you, nor his father or siblings were around. 

Titus was here on long nights when Damian was too worried about bothering you, or anyone, and needed comfort. 

Titus was here when Damian was angry with you, and needed to vent. 

Titus was here on cold nights, to warm him up, or on hot days, to give him some shades simply by standing next to him. 

Titus was here to help him out on some of his cases ! The few ones Bruce accepted he’d research alone ! 

Titus was always here. 

And now, now he was gone. Probably forever. Because even if Superman himself couldn’t see any sign of him, it probably meant...meant...

Titus must have had an accident. Fell somewhere. Fell to his dea-

Damian couldn’t even think about it, but at the same time, he had to be realistic. They searched that forrest for ages. AGES ! Superman and two Superboys were with them ! Clark, Jon and Conner didn’t find ANYTHING ! 

Which meant...

For the hundredth time in three days, Damian started to cry just thinking about it. And right now, none of his family members were available, as it was the middle of the day (you and Bruce allowed him to not go to school until he would feel better). 

Usually, when Damian felt blue and no one was around...Well, at least Titus would be ! 

The door to Damian’s room, that wasn’t quite closed, slowly opened, and the boy’s heart leapt in his chest ! This slow creaking sound, it was the exact same one Titus would make whenever he’d push the door open with his nose !

Full of hope, your son turned around to find...Ace. 

It was Ace. 

The loss of his “little brother” hit the dog hard too, even more so since he wasn’t able to track him. Ace had been particularly demanding lately, asking you and Bruce to pet him whenever you were home. He’d come sleep on your bed too, which he never did before. 

And he also spend much more time with Damian than he used to, both feeling the clear absence of Titus...

************

Dick had always been confident in his ability to cheer his siblings up. He knew what they all liked, and what relaxed them ! 

He’d often surprise them with their favorite things, whenever he felt like they needed a “pick-me-up”. Ever since Jason was officially adopted, Dick took his role of older brother VERY seriously. 

And though this time it took him a few days to get into action (the time to gather everything he needed), he was SURE that he would be able to lift Damian’s mood, if only a little bit...

But oh. Oh was he wrong. 

Damian did not react to the offer of playing “Cheese Viking”. He didn’t say anything when he gave him his favorite sweets. He barely acknowledge all the trouble Dick went through to bring everything he loves...

Usually, even Damian would be utterly grateful to Dick for all his efforts. No one could stay stone faced in front of such dedication ! Dick either went all in or didn’t do anything at all ! 

He truly was, the champion to cheer his little siblings up ! And even if they still felt bummed after a day with him, they’d at least be extremely thankful to him existing...Because yes, no one could have no reaction to their brother going through a lot just to help them out ! 

And yet, yet Damian didn't react to anything. And after a few failed attempt from Dick, the boy even told him that he just wanted to “be alone”, and went back to his room, sitting at his window, like he had been those past  few days. 

Damian sat there, not eating or drinking much, staring at the Manor’s front gate, hoping Titus would come back...

And all of Dick’s attempt fell flat. 

It seemed like nothing, NOTHING, could ever cheer the boy up again...

************

“It’s really not your fault, Jon.”

“Then, why doesn’t he want to see me anymore ?”

Tim was at the Kent’s farm, there to give them news about the Titus/Damian situation, and to go back to the forrest in the hope to find the dog again...

Tim was known to never give up, no matter the odds. 

He was the only one SURE that your husband wasn’t dead, all those years ago, when he disappeared for so long after a Justice League mission. And even as you abandoned ever seeing him again, Tim didn’t. 

Therefor, for the past week, your son went back to the Kent’s farm over and over again, and joined Jon and Conner in the search for Titus. By that point, Tim just wanted to find the dog back, no matter which state he would be in...

At least, if they found Titus passed away, Damian could slowly start to heal and properly mourn, right ? 

Of course, your boy was still hoping to find Titus alive ! 

They were looking for the hundredth time around the forest, when Tim noticed how down Jon seemed to be. 

“He doesn’t really want to see anyone. Not even our mom. Usually, he’d cling to her 24/7, if he was truly feeling sad ! But right now, he just wants to be left alone in his bedroom. So really, I don’t think he’s mad at you. I just think the grieving process is taking a lot of time for him right now...” 

“But it’s kind of my fault, I threw the ball too far. I can’t control my strength yet, it was stupid to use it all...” 

“Jon, Damian asked you to do it. None of you could know something bad would happen, ok ? And hey, maybe Titus is fine, and just got lost somewhere. And we have to find him, ok ?” 

Jon didn’t seem convinced, but that probably was because Tim wasn’t really either. But hey, for his brother ? Timothy Drake-Wayne would spend the rest of his life coming to this forest, day after day, in the hope to find Titus somehow. 

************

Jason knew how it felt, to loose a dog. 

He lost his a few years back. When he died, his beloved dog “Curtis” (he couldn’t even remember why he called his dog that name) let himself die of sadness. 

No matter how much you and Bruce tried to cheer him up, how much Ace tried too...Curtis just wasn’t the same, after Jason’s death. And just a year after your son was gone, his dog died too. You were sure he died of sadness, as the veterinarian didn’t find anything wrong with him...

Only Jason wasn’t dead. And when he came back, finally deciding to come home after quite a while of hatred and feelings of vengeance...he discovered his dog was gone. 

He was devastated. Felt like the World hated him. Why ? Why did Destiny let him die so young, killed by a maniac ? And got resurrected by another maniac ?  And why, WHY DID THEY HAVE TO TAKE HIS DOG ?! 

Yes. Jason knew exactly how it felt to loose your “best friend”, and so, he’s the only one that didn't try to cheer his little brother up. 

Instead, he would come in his room to give him a nice warm, comforting cup of tea. Or lay a blanket on his shoulders when it was a bit cold. 

He would come and sit silently with him, staring at the front gate too, putting all his energy into the wild hope that maybe Titus would come back. 

Jason would just...be there. A warm presence, that sometimes Damian would cuddle up too without even noticing. 

As odd as it sounded, Jason kind of tried to sort of take Titus’ place, and became that comforting warmth against which Damian snuggled when he felt particularly sad. 

The boy would never utter a word, and sometimes, Jason wondered if he even registered that he was clinging to him with all his might. 

Jason became the only one able to stay around Damian, without him telling him to go away. Why ? Simple. 

Because your Jason knew the pain of loosing his dog. 

And knew what he wished he could have when he lost him...at the time, fortunately you and Bruce were here for him, but it wasn’t quite what he needed. 

Sure, your hugs were as healing as ever. But he didn’t want to hear how sorry everyone was. He just wanted something to cling to in silence, and to be left alone with his grief. 

Which is what he gave Damian. By sitting silently beside him, and being that warm comforting presence the boy could hold on to. 

************

Alfred had no idea how to fix this. 

He was able to bring back some joy to Bruce when he lost his parents, by taking care of him as if it was his own son. 

But Damian ? Damian kept sending everyone (but Jason) away. 

He didn’t want to talk. Didn’t want to do anything. 

And this was destabilizing for Alfred, because talking and being there to listen to his master, is how he was able to give his master Bruce some semblance of happiness ! 

Your beloved butler was slowly starting to panic, not knowing how to fix this situation. Because so far, he always found a way to reach the ones he came to call “family”. 

You. Bruce. Tim. Jason. Dick. Damian. Cassandra. 

He was always able to reach you all. Except right now. 

And this was extremely distressing, for the old man he was...

************

Cass felt just as powerless as Alfred, but for another reason. 

Her and Damian always understood each other, since they had quite a similar childhood. A parent trying to turn them into weapons. A clear lack of love, and empathy. 

Yes. Her and Damian got along instantly, understanding each others’ trauma and being there to catch the other one up when they fell. 

But right now, she had nothing to relate to, nothing to compare Damian’s pain to. Because, fortunately, she never felt the pain of loosing someone she loved. 

All the people that counted the most in her life were alive and well, so how could she understand what her little brother was going through ? 

She just didn’t know how to react. And Damian wasn’t making it easy to understand...He kept sending her away whenever she tried to talk. Whenever she tried the technique that always worked before. 

Like mimicking their mother and stroking his back. Or smiling at him. 

Nothing that usually worked, would work now. 

And Cassandra felt lost. And powerless. 

She kept herself up almost every nights, researching the internet for ways to cheer her brothers up...But everything she tried would fail. Over and over again. It was so disheartening, and she wanted to help him so bad ! 

But it seemed like she couldn’t...

************

You and Bruce shortly thought about getting him another dog, but then realized it would be very insensitive. Titus wasn’t gone since a long time, though there was almost no chance he would ever come back. 

And getting Damian another dog would send the wrong message. There was still a little sliver of hope. Thin, yes, but still. Buying him a new pet would shatter everything, end break him entirely. 

You couldn’t do that. 

Not yet. 

Maybe later, when he’ll finally get over his heartbreak ? 

Oh but no new dog could ever compare to his beloved Titus ! 

Both you and Bruce took the entire affair hard too. 

Firstly because it was utterly heartbreaking, to see your son in so much pain, and secondly because it seems like nothing you could do could ever cheer him up again ! 

Before that fateful day where he lost Titus, you, or Bruce, or anyone from the family always had a solution at some point to cheer the boy up ! 

But it seemed like this time, he truly was unconsolable. Truly, genuinely heartbroken. 

Then again, he never felt such a pain before, as whenever he “lost” someone, they turned up later on all well and alive. But this time...this time there was almost no chance Titus would ever show up again. 

And he truly was Damian’s first, and best friend. 

He was the one that was always there, and that had been there since almost day one as soon as he began his new life at the Manor ! 

Losing him was devastating. That you and Bruce understood. It’s just that...Usually, you’d hold your children tight and things would pass. 

But this time, it didn’t work. This time, he didn’t want to let you do that. 

And both you and your husband were really starting to take this all situation hard. Seeing your son suffering like that was awful. 

But, what could you do ? You, and all your family members had been wracking your brains for days, without finding a solution. 

Except maybe finding Titus, but that seemed more and more impossible. 

************

Two weeks went by, without much improvement from Damian. 

He started to go back to school, and on patrol...but without much enthusiasm. He talked a bit to you, to Bruce, to Alfred or to his siblings. But it was always very short, monosyllabic, and then he’d go again isolate himself in his room. 

You’d all try over and over to cheer him up, but it seemed he truly became the definition of the word “unconsolable”. And so it’s with a certain gloom, that life continued at Wayne Manor...Without Titus, or Damian’s carefree laugh when he was happy. 

Or trademarked “tt”. Or cockiness. Or sweetness. Or arrogance. Or...

Without Damian. Who he really was. The boy was but a shell of himself, and it was starting to make you all feel hopeless, to not find a solution to all of this. 

************

You were driving home from your office in town, trying to think of a way to bring your son back, as you did this past two week, when...Were you dreaming ? How was that even possible ?! 

No, but it was...Was it ? 

You smashed the breaks on your car, and it drifted a little bit on the gravel road leading to Wayne Manor. 

You exited your car and...There, sitting calmly in front of the gate, was Titus. 

But was it really him ? 

“Titus ?” 

The dog whipped around, and his tail excitedly went from left to right. He started to run to you and..Yes, no doubts. 

You could recognize the way he was licking your face, and his size, and that little spot behind his ear...It was really Titus ! 

And he had a tennis ball in his mouth ?

But...How did he- ?! 

Ah well, it didn’t matter. Because he was back ! 

Damian ? Where was Damian ?!

Oh, right. At school. Should you just put Titus in your car and drive to his school ? Ah but school would end in less than an hour, and driving all the way over there would take longer. 

Well, maybe you should just prepare him a nice surprise ? 

************

When you came down in the bat cave with Titus, Ace lost his mind. 

The poor dog jumped in the air, and excitedly ran to his “little brother” (who actually was bigger than him) to give him the best greeting ever ! 

Ace ran around Titus, and they both jumped at each others, playful. They then rolled around the floor together, cuddling. Titus was clearly happy to be home ! 

Bruce just stood there, staring at the dogs, not quite believing his eyes. Oh but you could understand of course, because you felt the same ! 

Titus was home. 

Titus was home ! 

************

As you waited for Damian, Bruce ran some test on Titus, just to make sure the dog was alright, you know ? 

After all, he supposedly spend two weeks all alone in the wild ! 

Bruce found some lead stuck in his fur, and quickly cleaned him as the metal was quite a toxic one. But just as quickly, he came up with an explanation as to where was Titus, and why neither Clark, nor Jon or Conner could find him ! 

“Superman’s supervision doesn’t work through lead. We can assume his sense of smell and hearing work the same ?” 

The lead in Titus’ fur made Bruce do some research and...There was an entire area in Smallville’s forrest, that had lead deep in its ground. Bruce theorized that Jon’s thrown ball fell at the bottom of a cave, that had a small entrance in which only a dog could get in, and that was hard to spot even for people like Superman and the Superboys...and the rest was history. 

Titus really was a good boy. There was NO WAY he’d come back to his master without the ball his friend threw ! He clearly was expecting him to come back with it ! And so Titus went deep into that cave filled with lead, making him invisible to the Kents. 

Bruce guessed that the dog got lost, his senses overwhelmed by the cave, and only managed to get out later on. Then probably, when he came back to where Damian was, he realized the boy and the rest of the family left and...Went on a journey back home ! 

Bruce and you read weirder stories in the paper, about animals crossing the goddamn country just to find their owners again. Dogs were incredible creatures, truly. 

When your husband checked the walking distance from Smallville to Gotham, from Kansas to New Jersey...It said that a human walking at normal speed and taking breaks would take a little over 16 days. 

A dog ? As young and tonic as Titus ? Two weeks made sense. 

And sure, he looked a bit thinner than last time they saw him, but he clearly managed alright, as except for the dangerous lead stuck in his fur, Titus was healthy ! He was a hunting dog, after all...

Alfred was next to see the dog back, and Titus was as happy as the butler to see him ! Mainly because he knew the nice old man was the one who’d give him great leftover food...Alfred actually cooked an entire meal for Titus. 

Ah but the dog really deserved it ! 

************

Damian came home from school, feeling as blue as ever. 

He really tried to be more cheerful, for the sake of his family...but he couldn’t quite managed it yet. He wasn’t over Titus. He’d probably never be over Titus ! But he knew one day he would feel better. 

He knew one day, he could feel happy again. 

Except right now, his beloved dog’s disappearance was way too recent ! 

Damian opened the front door of the manor and was faced with all his siblings lined up, smiling brightly at him. Um, what was going on ? 

They went with him to the bat cave, refusing to tell him what was up and...

Damian’s heart leapt out of his chest. Could it be ? Was it really him ? No, impossible...And yet, the dog trotted excitedly towards him and...

Damian lost it. 

He ran to Titus, and fell on him, hugging him tight against him. 

The dog proudly let the tennis ball Jon threw on the floor, but Damian barely registered it...

He cried tears of joy, and felt like he could never let go of his dog again ! Titus, as nice and obedient as ever, just laid there, tail flapping and tongue out of his mouth, waiting for his little master to stop hugging him ! 

Damian cried and cried, burying his face in his fur, and repeating his name over and over again. 

Each time Damian said “Titus”, emotions overflowing in his voice, the dog’s ears would move as if he was waiting for Damian to tell him what to do...but the boy just wanted to hug his dog. 

It felt like such a heavy weight leaving all of your shoulders. You heard your children, Bruce and Alfred sigh in relief, and you were pretty sure you did it too. 

For the first time in two weeks, you all felt happy again. Because Damian was happy too. And in your family, when one was unhappy, everyone felt it. 

That’s how tight you all were. 

Damian was clearly struggling and heartbroken. And none of you could do anything about it, except for being there for him, hoping time would slowly heal his heart...

So seeing him right now, on his knees, holding his dog tight...It felt nice. 

It felt very nice. 

You didn’t even notice that almost two hours passed, as you all just looked fondly at Damian and Titus cuddling, crying and being the happiest of boys about finding each others again. 

************

The day he lost Titus was one of the worst one in Damian’s short life.

He went through a lot, in his early childhood with the Al’Ghuls, and yet...nothing compared to the lost of his dog. In fact, only losing you, his father, Alfred or one of his siblings could really hit him as hard as loosing his dog.

Realistically, Damian knew that Titus would die way longer than before he would. Dogs didn’t live as long as humans, unfortunately (though Damian watched “Frankenweenie”, and secretly tried to find a way to keep Titus well and alive for way longer than supposed to...). 

But Titus was still very young. Just like Damian was. 

It was in those moments, that you were reminded that your son really was just a child. And that no matter how tough he acts, certain things would break his heart. 

Damian was already your “baby”, but after that episode you took even more care in nurturing that child side he still had, no matter what the Al’Ghul did to him. Because he was, for now, still a little kid...

And as you decided to make even more sure that Damian would live as much a “normal” life as he could, Ace started to become extremely protective of Titus. 

Funny enough, it seemed to exasperate the great dane. You swore that you saw Titus roll his eyes more than once, as Ace shielded him for whatever danger ! You guessed dogs truly did resembled their masters, right ? 

Because Titus definitely had some Damian in him, and Ace some Bruce. It showed in their “attitudes”. 

In any case, this entire awful experience reminded all of you of a lot of things, and of what truly mattered. 

Family. 

And how the wellbeing of said family was dependent on everyone being happy. Truly. It made all of you even more aware of each others’, and even tighter. 

All thanks to Titus, who really wanted to be a good boy, and bring back that ball to his master !

The end. 

_________________________________________________

Another little bonus story, while I slowly but surely write bigger, more developed stuffs :) (like chapter two of the Batfam being thrown in the Marvel world :)). I still hope you liked this short very self-indulgent fic I wrote in a very short span of time while being extremely sleep deprived and sad. And...Boom. As usual, feedbacks and reblogs are beyond appreciated. 

[bts-reveries]

one night light

“Perfect,” Hoseok says, holding up a white button down. He turns to look at you. “What do you think?” You look at the item of clothing hanging off of the hanger. You shrug.

“Looks like a plain, basic white button down to me.” You say simply. He pouts at you, making you laugh so you quickly took out your phone and snapped a picture.

“O-- yAH! Don’t post that,” he says, instantly going towards you.

“Why not?” You argue as you continue to write your caption.

“I look ugl--”

“Posted!” You interrupt, you smile at the pic, raising the phone to his face.

“Aish--”

“I like it, you look cute,” you laugh. Hearing your giggles made his frown go away and he was smiling now too, but he tried to hide it. 

“Tsk-- Whatever. Do you think this would look good on me though? Maybe I can wear it sometime this week. It’ll look nice for a fancy dinner or something.” You nod.

“Yeah, I think it will.” He nods once, giving you a thumbs up.

“Okay, now it’s your turn. Let’s go pick out a pretty outfit for you to wear.” Without even an answer from you, Hoseok grabs your hand and pulls you to a different part of the store. 

“Wear for what? We don’t even have plans for this week.” 

“Then we’ll make some,” he shrugs. “Maybe you, me and Hope can have a little family date or something again. Actually that sounds like a good idea, we should do it!” 

“Okay sounds good to me,” you smile. 

“Now… let’s pick out something for you to wear,” He says, stopping near a rack full of white dresses.

“Why don’t we match?.. Hope can match too or something, so we look like a real family.” You suggest. Hoseok looked at you like you were stupid.

“Um,, we are a real family?” Your head tilted slightly. “You’re her mom, I’m her dad, she’s our kid. That makes us a family doesn’t it?”

“Yes but we’re a broken family. We aren’t together.” It kind of broke your heart to say that, but you had no idea why. It wasn’t like you two were ever together in the first place. Maybe it broke for Huimang instead. You didn’t notice at first, but Hoseok bottom lip jutted out when you said this. I guess it made him a little sad too.

“Maybe we can act like one,” he says. 

“What?” You questioned, confused. What did he mean by that?

“We can act like a real family, like we’re married and everything is perfect. Like Jin hyung’s!” You scoff at his silly idea.

“Hoseok, that’s just going to hurt don’t you think?” He furrows his brows at you.

“Well what do you mean? Wouldn’t Hope like that?” Well, not only will it hurt you, knowing that he really doesn’t return your feelings, but it will hurt Hope a lot as well.

“If we acted out a fake relationship. Happy marriage, happy life, Hope’s going to think it’s real. What’s going to happen after vacation when daddy doesn’t live with us and that she sleeps at his place sometimes and goes home with me the other times?” Hoseok bites his lip in thought. Then he shakes his head laughing.

“You’re right, that was stupid of me, let’s not do that.” You give him a soft smile and nod as he begins to go through the rack.

“If it was real, then Hope would’ve liked that a lot,” you say lowly, but loud enough for him to hear. Hoseok turns to you with a blank face and the two of you look at each other for a few seconds before he starts laughing.

“She would wouldn’t she? Man, I wish I could give her anything, but not everything is easy to give.” Well damn that hurt. Am I that unlikeable lol.

“Haha.. yeah. Darn.” You snap your fingers trying to laugh it off as well. Hoseok turns to you.

“You okay?” You turn to him with eyebrows raised.

“Huh?-- uh, yEaH?? Why-- why wouldn’t I be?” You laugh. He shook his head, turning back to the rack.

“Nothing, just seems like you’re disappointed by something I said.”

“Ha.. me? Disappointed? By what?” You play uncoolly. Hoseok shrugs.

“I don’t know Yn.. maybe because you…--” He turns all of a sudden, catching you off guard with his face inches away from yours. “-like me?” After a few more seconds of staring, he laughs and pulls away from you.

“I’m kidding, try this on,” he winks, shoving a hanger to your chest and you just stare at him and swallow down your nervousness. 

✩✩✩✩

You stand in the dressing room. Curtains closed, mirrors around you, and a pile of dresses on a chair. You surprisingly didn’t expect Hoseok to like shopping this much. He basically picked everything out for you and all you’d have to do was put them on and see which one you liked best. All the dresses he picked out were lovely and you were currently trying the last one on but you couldn’t reach the dang zipper that keeps getting caught. After minutes of struggling, you sighed, giving up. You pop your head out the curtain to see if Hoseok was outside. He left you alone so he could go around to look for Hope’s outfit. And as if it was fate, he walked in when you looked outside.

“Oh-- are you done?” He asked, you shake your head no.

“I’m trying the last one on and the zipper’s stuck! Can you help? Pleaaaaase,” you pleaded. Hoseok proceeded to put the clothes he was holding onto a nearby hook right away to help you zip up your dress.

“Waah sexy,” he comments playfully, you roll your eyes at him.

“Shut up,” you say, making Hoseok smile, he looks up at the mirror in front of you and sees you smiling as well.

Ziiiiiiip.

“There we go,” Hoseok says, and you thank him right after.

“Did you pick the one you like?” He asks, looking at you from the mirror as you were faced away from him.

“I like all of them.. But I’m not sure any of them speaks to me.” You say as you look at yourself up and down and pose a little. 

“Well I found this as I was walking around. It’s not a dress, but it looks nice together,” He says, handing you a top and skirt.

“Oh it’s cute.” You say, taking it from him. “Okay, Now get out so I can change,” you say pushing him out. 

“It’s not like I haven’t seen anything befo--” He tries to say as you pull the curtains close, making him laugh.

A few minutes later you pull the curtains open again. This time Hoseok was still there, busy on his phone while he waited for you to finish. He looks up as he hears the curtain open and his brows raised.

“Oh wah~ You should get it! It looks so good on you!” He says in awe, his eyes dragging up and down your figure. You began to feel your cheeks heat up, you didn’t know what to say or do. Instead you just walk backwards, pulling the curtains back and quickly changing. You look at yourself in the mirror and tilt your head to the side, posing a bit, really feeling yourself and you start smiling as you feel your insides starting to feel warm. Heck yeah, you were getting this forsure.

“You’re getting it right? You like it?” Hoseok yells from the other side. In a couple of minutes later you pull back the curtains, handing him the top and skirt he picked out while you carry the pile of dresses you didn’t choose.

“Didn’t work out?” The sales associate asked as you give her the pile of unwanted dresses. You nod and thanked her, walking away.

“Wah~~ I’m good at this aren’t I?” Hoseok says happily. “Oh! I also found this,” he says, showing you a little outfit.

“Wouldn’t this look cute for Hope? She would like this, I know it,” he says, staring at the outfit lovingly.

“Well she did get her fashion sense from you so I’m sure she will.”

“You really think so?” He said, holding a hand to his heart, making you laugh.

“She’s literally a carbon copy of you with her choice of clothing, I can’t deny anything,” you laugh off. Suddenly, Hoseok has that cocky, proud look on his face. He slung his arm over your shoulder as the two of you make your way to the check out.

“We made the perfect little girl didn’t we?” He says. Oop. Be still my heart. He might hear you.

✩✩✩✩

After the two of you shopped, you began to walk around for a bit. The weather was beautiful, the scenery was to die for, and the overall mood was just.. perfect. You and Hoseok just walked side by side. Talking about anything. His job, your job. Huimang. Your friends. Dogs. His nieces and nephews. What type of food he wants to eat. Dancing. Just about everything. 

“You should really stop over sometime. I think it would be fun if you and Hope stops by my studio. I can teach you two a few things.” You laugh a bit at this, Hoseok looks at you, puzzled. “What?”

“That would be nearly impossible. I can’t dance to save my life.” He shakes his head a bit, laughing at your comment.

“You can do it, just takes a bit of practice.” You nod.

“Okay, teach me then. Hope and I will stop by soon for sure. It better be free though.” You glare, making him laugh.

“Of course! Why would I make my girls pay?” MY girls. PLURAL.

You shrug, trying to act normal. Acting like the two words didn’t just hit your heart with a punch.

The sun was starting to set, the two of you ended up at a nearby park. It was quiet. Only a few people here and there. Some rode bikes and passed by the two of you. Others were on the grass sitting on a blanket and enjoying one another’s company. You hear faint voices of laughter and birds chirping. It couldn’t have been more perfect, and you were glad you weren’t spending time here alone.

“There’s a bench over there,” Hoseok pointed, “wanna sit and watch the sun set?” You look over to where he pointed, but couldn’t see what bench he was talking about.

“Uh- yeah, that sounds nice,” you say. The walk and your lack of exercising made your feet ache and your legs sore, sitting down would be more than nice. Hoseok might’ve noticed that you didn’t see where the bench was located. With your hands only centimeters apart, he intertwined his with yours and walked ahead, dragging you to go sit down. The small gesture made your heart flutter for the umpteenth time that day. It might’ve been nothing to him, but it was making you feel faint. 

When you reached the bench, it turns out you didn’t see it because it was occupied and your eyes were searching for an empty one. But Hoseok noticed the previous couple was leaving and decided that it was the two of you’s turn.

The both of you sat down, still attached by the hand, and you both sighed. 

“Today was fun wasn’t it?” He says after a minute or two of sitting. You look towards him and nod. “We should really do it again. Just the two of us.”

“Like a date?” You ask, hopeful. Hoseok nods.

“Yeah. A platonic one. I think we make really good friends. It was easy to just be myself around you.” He turns to you giving you a soft smile and you return it. While still having your hands intertwined, he puts his arm over your shoulder. You instinctively scoot closer, and lay your head onto his shoulder as you two watch the sun go down. Even if he might not feel the same way as you did with him, you’re glad to be able to even have this relationship with each other. He loves and cares for your daughter despite not knowing about her all her life. He cares about you as well. He cares about your relationship with one another. It doesn’t matter if your relationship is platonic or romantic. He’s willing to give an effort for the both of you, without having to force any feelings towards himself or you.

Unknowingly to you, Hoseok’s heart was beating faster than usual. It was different. The feeling. He hasn’t felt like this in years. While the two of you spend some quiet time together as the sun went down, you two have silent conversations with yourself in your head. Both thinking about the same thing. 

Each other. 

Hoseok’s head leans on yours as yours is on his shoulder. The two of you stay that way for a while.

He isn’t sure about his feelings just yet. He likes you. As a person. For who you are, for what you are. For how you are. And for what you do. For yourself. He likes how you accept him for himself. How you don’t hold him against what he did in the past. For missing the first five years of your child’s life. He likes how you let him be in your child’s life. For even spending time with him yourself. For allowing him to have days with you like this. 

He mentions throughout the day how it’s a date. A friend date. He noticed as he rewind back today’s memories, that he mentions that the two of you are friends and just friends. He doesn’t want to admit that he might have feelings for you. It will only ruin what you already have. He decides to keep it on the down low until he doesn’t feel like it anymore.

For you, you think about how perfect things are so far. Huimang is happy. That’s it. That already sounds like a perfect life. She’s all that matters anyways. Her and her happiness and that she feels loved and that’s exactly what’s happening. It’s not like she wasn’t feeling like this in the first place, but it’s that she gets it from both parents. She gets double the happiness plus double the love. She even gets more of that from her cousins and aunts and uncles. She gets to spend time with people she should’ve been with the day she was born. Either way, it doesn’t matter what time in her life they would come in, you were glad she was accepted with open arms and that they didn’t hesitate to take you in as well. And now that Hoseok is in the picture, he not only cares about Huimang, but you too. He didn’t even have to do so, but he chose to do so. He liked to spend time with you, offer to spend time with both you and Huimang or you yourself. He takes time away from his day to be with you and your daughter. You can tell his love for her and his love for you. May it be romantic or not, it’s there and you’re thankful to have any type of love that he gives you. All that really matters is that you two both have the one thing your eyes and heart is set on. Huimang. To you it doesn’t matter if he loves you back or not, it just matters that he gives your daughter the love she needs.

“Let’s start walking back?” You say, breaking the silence. You feel Hoseok nod against you and he removed his arm from your shoulder. He loosened his fingers from yours but you held tight. So the two of you walked back to the car hand in hand that night.

✩✩✩✩

one night light

✩part sixteen: be still my heart✩

→ pairings: choreographer!hoseok x singlemom!reader

→ a/n: THIS IS THEIR “DATE” FROM THE PREVIOUS UPDATE BTW IF U DIDNT READ THE A/N ON THAT ONE !!!

sorry for taking forever! i’ve been working on this for a few days now, i’ve been having trouble on it hahaha, but it’s done now! so yaaaaaaaaaaay

also, i’m trying to get used to this whole college thing, so i’m sorry if i don’t get to post as much as i used to :((

→ taglist: @igotarmyofarohas @h-hewoo @honeyspillings@pakovahayhuha @jayhope88 @the-wild-ego@wonderfulpromise @blueberrykenn @taehunnies @sagey-rages@rulz0821 @oh-worm-yee-haw @listless-losers @paracii@osnapjenn @hhhhwww7 @dreamcatcherjiah @huhuehuey@lylanie12 @dammit-jjk @mod-micah @salty-for-suga @ask-blogger-miss-prussia @byvisvq @kxkth @smolspaceonly @helpitskpop @kawaii-desv @caramelflavour @moon6rop@chisana-himawari @treetops68 @lysjeon @sunnyoongles@xbabykookiix @ephyra1230 @stayunderthelights @betysotelo18@purpleisabela @realigot7 @mizz-kraziii @raplineh0e @labgeek@loserjeonjk @whothefuckstolemykeds @bluefaeriefury@goldenchemistry @beanstalkyoongi @monstax-isbaby@httplovemaze

TAGLIST IS CLOSED!

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[jeonchan26]

Used To Be (Part 6)

Warnings; Angst, A Little Bit Of Fluff(Maybe) Self-Esteem & swearing. Mental Abuse, Toxic Relationship, Don’t Read If It Might Trigger You.

This Is All Made Up, I Don’t Believe The Boys Would Do Any Of This. Our Boys Are Angels❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These past months have been a bit stressful. Trying to hide your pregnancy, which was becoming harder because you were starting to show more and more. Chan and his confused emotions, his friends, it was just too much. But Jungkook has made it easier for you, with his smile, his personally, his silliness. Jungkook has stuck to his word and stay by your side since he started school. You knew you had to tell him about the pregnancy, you were starting to show and it was going to be more complicated to hide from him or the rest of the school.

You were now 4 months pregnant, your baby growing strong. Today you were going to find out if you were having a boy or a girl, you were excited. As you headed out the door to your appointments you bump into a hard chest, knowing well who it was. With a sigh you greeted the person, “um his chris? Do you need something?” You asked trying to walk past him. “Don’t act like you forgot about your appointment. Today we find out if we are having a girl or a boy!” Chan said pulling you back together him. “I’m finding out. You were never part of the plan” you said crossing your arms around your chest, looking up at him with a glare.

“Aww come on baby. You know that things have been different since that day. I’m a man of word when I said I was going to keep tabs on your and my child.” Chan said moving to side to walk beside you. “Last time I checked you didn’t want nothing to do with me or MY baby. Why change your mind now? Is Rachel not good enough anymore?” You asked walking beside him. It was useless to fight with him, it was exhausting. “Oh no baby Rachel is good enough. I’m lucky to have her in my life. But you were also a part of my life and I have to be responsible for my mistakes. And unfortunately, you were that mistake” Chan told you while smirking down at you.

His words hurt but you started to become numb. Everytime Chan showed up he would always remind you how your were a mistake, how you weren’t good enough for him, that no matter what you did to be happy. He was going to be there to remind you of what you really were.

“Okay” was all you said and headed inside the building. You were going to let Chan do this to you, not when you are so happy to see your baby. You sometimes wonder what made Chan change his attitude towards you, when you guys were together he wasn’t like this. He was loving, caring, treated you like a princess. What changed? You sigh. You smiled at the receptionist and signed in. You sat next to Chan and waited to be call back. All you could think of what were you going to tell Jimin when he saw the baby daddy walk in. It made you nervous because you and jimin have gotten close, as friends of course. But Chan being possessive lately you didn’t want any problems.

“(Y/n)” you heard your name being called and followed the nurse into the room with Chan behind you. “It would be just a minute, Dr. park will be right with you” the nurse said two the both of you walked out and close the door. You got changed making Chan turn around so he wouldn’t see but that didn’t work as you felt hands on your small bump. Slapping his hands away you finished getting ready, just in time to heard a knock on the door and see Jimin walk in.

“(Y/n)! Glad to see you again how are you feeling?” Jimin said while pulling you into a hug, not noticing Chan until he heard someone cough behind him. “Oh I’m sorry didn’t see you there” he said pulling away and turning around to shake his hand. “I’m Dr. Park, and you are?” He asked while smiling at Chan, “I’m Chan, the baby’s father” he said not amused with the friendship you guys had developed. “Oh I didn’t know you were in the picture?” Jimin asked while looking back you with a confused expression. “Umm he decided to be a part of the baby’s life just recently.” You said while looking down at your hands. “Wells that’s great. Glad to hear that!” Jimin said with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. There was something about Chan that didn’t seem right & the way you were acting proved his point.

“Well let’s see baby groot?” Jimin asked taking a seat next to you, while you laid down on your stomach & he put the gel on you. “Baby groot?” Chan asked confused, walking by your side. “Yea, that’s our nickname to him or her” you said while looking at jimin, who was already starting back at you smiling. “Okay, so it seems like everything seems good. Baby looks healthy. Oh did you feel that? It just jumped!” Jimin said while smiling. “Jimin, do you know what Im having?” You asked him, excited to know already. “Let me see! Oh you see that, it looks like baby Groot is a boy!!” Jimin said happily, you started tearing up. Chan coming up next to you and giving you a kiss on your forehead. For a brief moment, it felt like everything was normal. That you and Chan were together, that there was no drama, just the two of you excited for your baby. You felt Jimin wiped the gel off your stomach and help you sit up. “Congratulations on you baby boy. Everything seems normal. I can’t wait to see you in a month, take care and make sure you drink lots of water and eat healthy. Don’t forgot to do exercise. Nice to you meet you Chan!” Jimin said while saying goodbye but not before giving you a hug.

You were walking out of the building look at your baby sonogram that you forgot about Chan, until you heard him speak. “Didn’t know you and Jimin were close” he said with sarcasm in his voice. “Yea he is my doctor and he has been helping me since the beginning” you said putting the picture in your bag. “You guys are so close, you guys are on the first name bases?” He asked, while he stop walking. You stop and face him. “Is there a problem with that?” You asked him.

“Of course there is. Why do you have to be such a whore with every guy you meet!” Chan yelled at you. “Excuse me! I’m not a whore!” “I begged a different! You seem so desparate, first jungkook and now jimin. Rachel was right when she said Your nothing but a cheap whore” Chan said. “Of course you believe everything you fucking hear, especially from her. Look I don’t have to explain anything to you, but if you must know. Jimin and jungkook have been there for me since I found out about this pregnancy. While you have been nothing but I dick and a jerk towards me. You used to love me, what happened to that. Now you treat me like I’m the worst mistake you ever made. And there isn’t a fucking day that you don’t remind me!” You said trying to hold back your tears. “I’m going home. Just stay away from me and my baby. You don’t need to be involved. Matter of fact I don’t want you to be involved.” You said trying to walk away but stopped by Chan pulling you back.

“No you don’t get to walk away. Things change, feelings change. You changed! Everybody was telling me you were just with me because of the money my parents have. You knew that I would become CEO of my dad’s company as soon as we graduate. That’s why you got pregnant. You’re nothing but a gold digger. So I’m going to make sure that you know what your place is here. Trust me, you’ll get to live the life you want soon. Once it gets closer to graduation, we are going to get married in secret only my family and friends will know. Trust me it won’t be a perfect life that you would have expected it to be because people like you deserve what coming your way.”

“haha like I would agree to marry a guy like you!” You cut him off. But his next words stop your whole world. “Oh trust me sweetie you’ll agree to marry me, because if you don’t you can kiss our son goodbye. I’ll make sure that once he is born he is in my full custody. And let’s be honest here baby you know I have the money and the power to do so” Chan said while glaring at you. “Y-y no you wouldn’t dare do that to my son!” You were crying at this point, “try me baby! I’ll see you tomorrow. We should probably start thinking about this wedding and of course the rules you’ll have to follow once we are happily married” he smirked at you and walked away.

“What the hell just happened? He can’t do that, he can’t take my son! A gold digger, what the hell did this turn into!”

You made it home and locked the doors and just went to sleep. Tomorrow was a new day but same shit, one thing for sure is that you had to talk to jungkook about the baby.

[prof-peach]

I'm trying to set up a grass type gym in Cherrygrove city, Johto but I'm unsure on how to create a suitable environment for grass types so close to the ocean. What could I do to make a good environment for my pokemon without going against the local ecosystem?

Ok! Well this entirely depends on your team, and the Pokémon who will reside inside. Each species has specific needs and wants, and some do not respond well to salt air at all. 

So let’s run through the basics. For your delicate jungle species (Tropius, Bounsweet, Lurantis ect), carnivorous kinds (victreebell, carnivine, vileplume ect) and sensitive to the cold types (Maractus, cacturne, sunflora ect) youll need a protected indoor space. 

Carnivorous kinda need bog conditions, humidity and full sun to be happiest, using rain water to keep them at their best, not tap, as it contains too many other nutrients that could make them sick. They will sometimes be fine with the winter cold, some have developed a tolerance to it, though they lose their leaves and root into compost suited to their needs, and almost ““Die back” for the cold seasons. Having a greenhouse for them means you can battle them through the winter, and they won’t sleep through it half as much. They need to catch and feed on their own prey, so allow a window to open and let the bug types come on in, so your Pokémon can feed. These species should be fine without daily food, unless a doctor states otherwise. Their catching of prey and rain water combination means they don’t tend to want Pokémon food, for up to 2 weeks; this is normal and you shouldn’t worry. Their compost is specifically designed to be low nutrient, as too much can make them quite sick. It’s very quick to drain and very sandy almost in consistency. Buying this compost can be expensive and damage natrual bog’s where humans collect this resource, so consider making your own compost from other materials. A quick google will certainly help you choose if you go down this route.

Ok so jungle types need slightly different conditions. High humidity is key here, and actually a lot of them prefer half sun conditions, so a greenhouse for them would need a space with shade netting, so they can choose to get out of the blazing sun. Unlike carnivorous species, they love rich and well drained soil. Leaf mould is your best friend when it comes to feeding these species, and when given shelter from the cold, they don’t tend to go dormant half as often as an exposed Pokémon of the same type. They do enjoy a liquid feed as well as Pokémon food, so once a week give them a good soak with either a high nitrogen feed (for lush green growth) or high potash feed (for fruits and flowers), and one good Pokémon food meal. These species don’t tolerate the cold as much, but some species have developed ways to combat it, for example Tropius has a mountain variant that can withstand the ice and snow quite well if they have shelter. They often find a cave or nook for winter and only feed when the snow stops. Average Tropius do not like it though so just observe them, see what they can handle. 

You may like to use desert or dry soil condition species, so a different space needs to be made up with sandy free draining soil, and a low humidity. Too much water for these species can rot their body and cause great damage. They feed quite happily on berries and Pokémon food, and don’t mind an occasional liquid feed, but you’d have to find a desert species feed, all good garden centres carry organic varieties, so take a look. This space should have full sun, and plenty of space for activities, these species can be wanderers so regular exercise is more important here. In winter reduce watering to half the amount of the summer, and try to keep the temperature at about 20-25 degrees C (not too sure what that is in F, sorry bud). I manage this by simply putting my toarkoal in the desert house over winter. His ambient heat keeps them all very happy. You could use any docile fire type for this, to save electricity and cut your bills down. 

this all excludes grass types that can not only survive in winter conditions, but are happy outdoors even in snow. Having a space where you simply replicate a garden, with fairly good quality soil, no heating or cooling in place, and average water levels and humidity will cover these. There are endless variants of Pokémon that can tolerate unusual conditions, but I will speak only of the pure breed species for ease, as I could go on for hours otherwise haha. This basic grass space is easier to maintain if you install a watering system on a timer. We have them in every greenhouse on the island, and it saves us a lot of time. You should provide spaces with shade, so those who burn easily can take shelter, and also open areas for sun bathers, who feed off the light. A pond installed means you can allow some Pokémon to just come and go from the moist soil conditions, and it will encourage a natrual eco system to develop even indoors. Flowers and trees will replicate their natrual habitat and give them things to interact with and enjoy, and there’s of course the area to battle, which I would advise planting sparsely, as battles can easily destroy decorations or plants close by. You’d be paying a lot to replace them, it’s not worth it. 

I would suggest to have an isolation unit. When a plant Pokémon gets sick it can infect others of its kind, so have a space to pop anyone who’s got any questionable symptoms while you wait for them to get better. Plant perry trees about and let your Pokémon eat what they want, unless you notice they start to get a little overweight or sick from it, then take action. Normally grass types have the most well balanced diets, and their low calorie intake means they tend not to have this problem, but always keep an eye on everyone, just in case. We once discovered a oddish with a citrus allergy, simply because he was eating Oran berries and soon after was struggling to breathe well. We overlooked it because he came in with a respitory infection, and soon after we figured out the Pokémon centre diagnosed him all wrong. 

Things to watch for are discolouring leaves, blemishes, colour changes, wilting, crisping, shrivelling and dieback. These can all lead to an unwell Pokémon and are your ‘tells’ in this type group. 

The indoor spaces will be protected from the ocean air, just a simple glass house for daily activity will do, and battling in that air won’t bother them long term, so long as they can retreat to their preferred greenhouse. The species that can tolerate ice and snow, tend to also be fine with sea air. Planting a tall hedge around your gym will certainly help, as it gives you a good wind break and you won’t get the brunt of it. Yew is a wonderful option for hedging as it’s great for wildlife, produces berries, is evergreen, and doesn’t suffer the dreaded box-blight that other species get. It’s basically a die-back issue and you’ll just have to cut bits our and replace them. A lot of hassle if you’re a busy gym leader.

This should helps you start, there’s so many specifics to each species, just test things out. Make a note of where your Pokémon is from and replicate it as best you can.

Species I would avoid having by the ocean are lurantis, and lilligant. Two very fussy species that need specialist care. 

[soranihimawari]

Tell me you love me

Tell me You love Me

taglist: @kaidasen, ⛅️anon ( @tkags’ anon fam), @oikawalovely

Notes: The last part of the 3-part fic with Oikawa and Seiun. There are some minor spoilers in the brief epilogue. This is my first time for writing for any of the Seijoh squad, so I apologize if Oikawa is written in a different light. He’s a dude in like (?) with someone. He’s bound to be a little more soft. A little. Iwazumi returns and we meet Michiru, Seiun’s bff.

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖

About another 3 weeks of physical therapy had gone by. I did go out on a total of four “proper” dates with Oikawa (all of which were fun adventures on both his side of town and mine), so it seemed like things between us were going great. He, of course, finished his therapy within the next month or so (his knee was well enough the doctors cleared him to play again, leaving me behind to finish my exercises for an additional 4 month period).

On his last day in the office, we were paired again prompting  him to ask me to come visit one of his team practices over the weekend. I agreed and since that practice I sat in on, I realized how truly gifted he was as a player. Of course, me visiting his campus did not stop his fans from constantly surrounding Oikawa with praises. His fellow teammates, Iwazumi and Mattsukawa joined me on the second row of bleachers.

“He really is popular, holy crap,” I said in a nonchalant manner. “Are your practices always this crowded?”

“Yeah, but it’s mostly because of Shittykawa’s fans,” Iwazumi replied. Mattsukawa bopped his head in agreement. 

“I’ve been meaning to ask, why the nickname?” I said.

“Have you seen how his ego inflates after every cookie bag has been gifted to him?” Iwazumi answered when another underclassman presented Oikawa with home made ones. Oikawa accepted the treats with a cute smile when the student asked for a photo with him holding it.

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right, Iwazumi-kun,” I said, my lips pressed into a neutral look of amusement. “What about you, Mattsukawa? Any other stories I should know about your star setter over there?”

“Hmm,” Mattsukawa and Iwazumi had similar heights, but their thinking faces were different. “His last girlfriend broke up with him around the same time his injury occurred for being too focused on volleyball.”

“Now that,” I began as I stood up on my own (I left my crutches behind since my doctor and physical therapist noticed how much I had improved with walking with my brace). “I could see. She is a fool though.”

“Huh?” their eyes were wide with surprise. Iwazumi’s voice was perplexed by my statement.

“Oikawa is dedicated to the sport he loves, she should have at least respected someone who chases their dreams.” 

“That might be the smartest thing you said about him,” Iwazumi said, he had this soft shine to him from the gym lights while we both watched as Mattsukawa rejoined the others who were still trying to shoo away Oikawa’s fans. 

“Don’t tell him I said that, Iwa,” I whispered to him. “It might prompt him to ask me to be his girlfriend, haha.”

“I thought you were already his girlfriend? Besides, your secret dies with me, Seiun-chan.”

Oikawa jogged toward us after the last of his fans slipped through the gym doors. Iwazumi patted my shoulder before returning to his side of the court. The boys exchanged a glance and a nod after Iwazumi said something to OIkawa soft enough that I couldn’t quite catch it.

“Hey there,” I greeted with a small wave. “You weren’t kidding when you said you were popular. Oh wow! Are those chocolate chip cookies?”

“Mmhm. One of those girls made them for me as a get well soon gift,” OIkawa said handing me one. 

“Thanks.” I accepted the cookie and sat back down on the bleacher. I began to munch on the sweet.

“You can hold the bag if you get hungry. We got one more set to play against each other, then I’ll walk you home, ok?”

“Alright. Go get ‘em tiger.” 

On the walk home, Oikawa mentioned about spending some time at the boardwalk in a neighboring town. Apparently, he was given the weekend off from practice since his coaches and team thought it be best for him not to over work himself again. We arrived at our mutual fork in the road: the medical arts building came into sight not too long after we had left his campus grounds.

“Are you asking me to be your date this weekend because it’s your birthday or if you want me to be your girlfriend?” I mused.

“You wound me Juni-chan. I thought I was your boyfriend this entire time?” he said in an equal tone, causing me to stop in my tracks. His statement made my cheeks feel all warm. 

“W-what?” 

“I thought I was your boyfriend the entire time..?”

Oikawa reached out to me and pulled me into a hug, His body was still warm from practice, his heart beat nervously steady for someone who just admitted how he viewed himself toward me. He rested his chin atop my head when I hugged him back.

“I’d like to think after our first date at the park, I knew I wanted to keep seeing you,” he told me. I felt him kiss the crown of my head. “I didn’t care if we went to different schools and had different focuses. You were there with me in physical therapy for an hour and a half and you didn’t make fun of me once.”

Does he always speak like this, I wondered. I didn’t know he felt that way at all, I mean, sure, Oikawa was many things to the outside world: talented setter, brilliant strategist, a pro in the making, role-model, etc., but to me, he’s still on the mend.

“Must be nice to know we view each other the same, hon,” I said shuffling out of his hug. “Take out your phone, OIkawa. You might need physical proof for your fans that you’re taken.” 

The boy raised an eyebrow at me before changing his phone’s camera to self-cam mode. I grabbed his unzipped jacket by the collar and pulled him toward me. With my eyes closed, I pursed my lips and when I felt his lips crash into mine, I heard the snapshot being taken. Although this kiss was chaste and short-lived, the look of shock OIkawa wore was the most adorable thing I witnessed. I let go of his jacket and smoothed it out for him.

“Let me see how we look,” I said, taking his phone away from his hand. The photo was cute, albeit a tad blurry, but anyone of his mutual followers on social media could tell there was another girlfriend on the horizon. “We look great enough to share this on your social media page. What do you think Oikawa?” 

Instead of answering me, Oikawa wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into another kiss. His lips tasted slightly of chocolate chip cookies, but I raised my arms around his neck. I still had his phone, but I don’t think he cared. This kiss was a promise of realness, of accepting each other as we are. When we broke apart this time, I slipped his phone back into his track jacket pocket. It looked as though he didn’t want to go yet, so I nodded over his shoulder because the street lamps started to flicker on.

“I don’t want to leave yet,” he whispered against my lips. His hand cupped my face, his calloused thumb rubbed my higher cheekbone. I leaned into his touch to glance up at him. 

“Good night, Tooru. I’ll see you at the Sendai City train terminal on Saturday.” 

***

Since the day Oikawa posted the photo of our first kiss, every one of his social media followers were curious about the photos he shared with me in them. My best friend, Michiru, confronted me about it. I told her his social media accounts were run by him and he has the right to alert his fans that he was happily taken. As he gained praises for snagging a lucky girl like me, I also noticed that my followers were on the rise on Instagram. A few of our date photos wound up on my story where as his were snapshots of me and him having fun. Some of his captions were inside jokes, but mine were clever: there was a photo of me and him at my arts festival on my campus I shared with the caption “Love is simply like a kiss: one can’t do this alone. Seriously though, he’s gorgeous. Why are you so handsome??? #boyfie #dates #hokuhighschool #festivalofarts2kxx” 

On the other hand, Oikawa was careful with the ones we took at the pier this weekend. I held his hand and he snapped a photo when I led him down the food tents of the night market there. Although my back faced the camera, my hair cascaded down my back, but my leggings, dark knee length skirt, and loose fitting sweater were not enough to identify me (until one of his teammates outed me via tagging my @ in the comments). My knee brace outline was still seen poking through the bottom half of the snapshot. Regardless, his caption was smooth as hell:  “Wherever she leads me, I will follow. She makes my heart do the doki-doki thing with her enthusiam for the night life. Happy birthday to me. I love you. #girlfriend #datenight #boardwalkdates #bestbirthdayever”

By the time midterms came around, I had gone to several of Aoba Johsai’s games, including their rematch with Karasuno. I was supportive as ever considering this loss would be the last game they can play together. I received a text from Iwazumi mentioning that his friend might need me to walk home with them later. When I met the guys at their home gym, I watched as each of them burst into tears. The sight made me feel a bit bitter as well, but I remained quiet when Oikawa yelled, “Thank you for the last three years!” to which I applauded with a grin. His teammates looked at me, especially the second years who had come around to calling me “Jun-senpai.”

“Jun-senpai!” they greeted in between sniffles. They group hugged me as I showered them with praises of them playing well. The boys let go of me when they saw their captain walk up to me, causing them to disperse.  

“You guys too,” I nodded toward the other third years still cleaning up the gym. “I’m still proud to cheer for your side any time.” I smiled at him when I reached up to brush his tears away.

“I’m proud of you too Tooru,” I said, kissing his cheek. “Go clean up. I’ll buy you dinner this time on the way to your place. We’re still on for watching Ancient Aliens, ok?”

“God, I love you,” he said aloud. His teammates made mocking kissing noises to annoy him since the time for tears has passed. I chuckled. 

“I love you too, go on Oikawa. The faster you wrap up, the sooner we can have our sleepover.”

Later on that evening, Oikawa’s tv played nothing else but background noise. He raised the volume just a little bit while pressing open kisses all over my face and neck. I gasped the first time he hoisted me up in a extended liplocked embrace once he closed the door to his room. My knee brace was placed on the side of his bed near his computer. His kisses gained momentum as each one garnered a soft moan to escape my body. His lips packed a punch every time he gently bit a piece of my exposed flesh.

“S-slow down,” I whispered with a taunting smile when he placed me in a straddling position at the edge of his bed. I had emerged from a bubble bath with him where he gave me another powerful insight to the kind of physical lover he really was. “We just cleaned up. You want to go another round so soon Tooru?” I was wearing one of his old alien screen print cotton t-shirts with my bra and underwear on underneath.

“You’re,” a kiss landed on my temple, “so,” another one down my jawline, “fucking,” one more under my chin, “gorgeous.” the last one was behind my ear. I threw my head back in glee, my hands toussled his dark hair. The dark room was illuminated by the light coming off his sepia toned monitor. When I began my return assault of kisses toward him, I let my hands traverse under his shirt. I needed more of whatever this was; I liked it when Oikawa was possessive over me. I liked the way I pulled incoherent praises from him. I began to raise his shirt until he was annoyed with the damn thing and he tossed it to the ground. He bit my lip to challenge me in doing the same actions he gave me not to long ago. A kiss for every word? I thought. You’re on.

“Tooru,” I whispered as I kissed his lips softly, “you,” my lips peppered his jawline, “are,” I scratched his chest which caused him to whimper, “thoroughly,” I landed another opened mouthed kiss on his mid neckline, “fucked.” With the last word being said, Oikawa firmly gripped my lovehandles and pulled me down along with him on his bed. I landed on top of him as he continued to deepen our fun. His reply though had me laughing into our second round of sex that night:

“Not yet starlight,” he said as his hands pulled one of his shirts I was wearing over my head exposing me to him a second time. “I’m going to leave you satisfied every chance I get from now on.”

“Make me a believer then,” I said before he rolled me over and I pulled the blanket over us one more time allowing our carnal desires to be fulfilled as much as they can be.

The sound of the alarm clock the following morning was not amusing to either of us. I silenced mine when I realized I fell asleep with just my bra and underpants back on while my hair strewn was over Oikawa’s chest. He was sound asleep, looking as peaceful as ever, but our hands were still linked under the duvet. I played the events from the night before over my head. Thinking about how many times he surpassed my expectations saying my name over and over again in nothing but sweet fever caused me to realize how greedy his kind of love is. It’s just as relentless as he is.

“Too~ru...” I said softly. His pout formed on his face in such a childish manner I found it funny. I caressed his left side of his face with my nose. “Come on, we have to wake up or else you’re going to make me walk all the way home alone.”

“Mmmkay,” he replied groggily. “Morning pretty girl.” He raised my hand he held to his lips. Soon thereafter, he and I slowly began getting dressed, trying to hide all the lovebites left behind, but we didn’t care who saw. We were young adults who also learned that sex didn’t really change much in our budding relationship because we knew that we clicked both in and out of a shared bed. 

I texted Michiru who asked how sleeping with Oikawa went. She and I were not really prudes due to our various dating habits, so I was perplexed by her question: 

From:

(▰˘◡˘▰)Michi-chan(▰˘◡˘▰)

14:33

How may rounds and how many times did he hear you? 

To: 

(▰˘◡˘▰)Michi-chan(▰˘◡˘▰)

14:44

4 rounds; 5 times.

From:

(▰˘◡˘▰)Michi-chan(▰˘◡˘▰)

14:46

Holy shit woman. Oikawa’s a baddie & I been knew. Jesus Christ. O.O 

*** 

Eventually, time moved on, so winter break began. Our friends (only the third year groups from my side and his) respectfully have met on several occasions and one night, after a kareoke group date in mid town, the volleyball players prompted their captain to stay behind while they took my friends out to eat some ramen down the street.

“An artist who likes heavy metal, who knew?” Oikawa teased. I arched a brow at him. I turned away from him for a moment to get the name of the ramen restaurant our friends were going to.

“It’s a great stress reliever, babe,” I said with a shrug. Oikawa wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him. He bent down and pressed a kiss to my temple.

“I know,” he released me from his arms, only to grab my hand to hold it instead. “C’mon, let’s go me--” 

I squeezed his hand once as a warning before I firmly placed my lips on his. To say he was caught off guard (you’d think he’d get used to it by now, haha) was an understatement. I felt his free hand caress my cheek before he settled on grasping at a fist full of my hair. His lips pressed back on to mine with an acknowledging smirk. The kiss had been one of hundreds between us, but I thought I should make it a point to express how grateful I am we had these few minutes alone. He dropped his hand that was in my hair to my shoulder. His zip up hoodie with an alien print on it was draped over my outfit because I got cold earlier in the kareoke room we shared with our mutual friends. His turtleneck and slacks made for a sleek, sophisticated look compared to mine (white wide legged pants and swoop neck ruby blouse with a blazer). Suffice to say now everyone who supported our relationship really liked how well we were photographed together. Michiru was surprised when she began reading all the comments on my Instagram pages saying he was lucky to have such a gorgeous lady by his side. 

“What was that for?” Oikawa asked in a dreamlike haze. There was some mischievous wonder in his eyes. I let go of his hand and took a step back. Oh shit. What if he’s going to tell me he’s going to leave the country after graduation? Of course I’d follow him. This love we share has to be stronger than distance, right? Why does he always look so vulnerable after I kiss him? Oh crap red alert! Red alert! My thoughts were running a mile a minute. 

“Do I really need a reason to kiss you other than the fact I like your company?” 

“Not really,” he responded. How was this young man overtly confident on the court, but somewhat coy around me?  This time he tilted my face upward to study my face in the neon light. His breath tickled against my lips as it often does after we shared a tender moment. “I like you too. Close your eyes. I’m going to kiss you again, ok?” 

I nodded in compliance. The feather like brush of Oikawa’s lips against mine were careful, but lacked patience. Each one applied more pressure, igniting a hunger he wanted to satisfy after that; the third one was just as delicate, but long enough for me to inhale his cologne, the mint of the candy served at the kareoke club, and the soft lavender scent of his laundry detergent. I moved my hands to cup his face to deepen our kiss. He bit my bottom lip playfully and when I opened my mouth, I traced every crevice with my tongue. Every now and again, I tilted my head whichever way he nudged my hair. The only time we paused was when we needed some air. It was then Oikawa pulled away to rest his head against mine.

“Tell me you want this to continue after graduation as much as I do,” I asked keeping my eyes closed. As I opened them slowly, I noticed a few of his bangs tickled my face, so I brushed the stray strands away from his face. 

“You know I do,” he said in a soft tone. “You’re all I want. I’m going to love you the way a strong girl deserves to be loved,” He kissed my forehead before mentioning we ought to meet at the ramen shop before our friends wondered where we disappeared off to. 

As we arrived, Oikawa gave a nod toward our friends. He draped his arm around my waist away from my friends’ curious eyes at the table after we placed our order which caused me to break away from the conversation for a little bit.

“So, Oikawa-san. When did you start falling for our Juni-chan?”Michiru asked taking a sip of her tea. Oikawa coughed, yet quickly regained composure while switching to clear his throat. He squeezed my side gently when I raised my cup of tea causing me to shoot him a teasing glare. I looked back at Michiru and our other two friends, Chihiro and Kosmus (named after a cosmic flower) who were eager to hear his answer.

“It had to have been the day he first saw her struggling with her new brace,” Iwazumi answered pushing his best friend a glass of water toward our side of the table. “That’s what he told me at practice the next day. Called her a chaotic beauty who has the mouth of a sailor.”

My friends busted out laughing because of course they knew I learned how to curse from watching a lot of Western films. The day I cursed my new brace was a few days prior to seeing that I wasn’t alone in the physical therapy office. 

“It hurt to stand, bend properly, and I fell down so many times, so of course I was going to curse up a storm. Seriously Oikawa?” I elbowed him playfuly. “That was the day you started to like me?”

“What can I say? You made the time go by faster,” Oikawa said. This caused his friends to laugh as well. I rolled my eyes. My scar had healed and my leg, although a bit sore from time to time, was back to almost 100%. I had reduced my follow up therapy sessions to once (or twice) every month, but all appointments were cancelled when the last two weeks of the year rolled around.

After we ate and bid the restaurant owners good night, we decided it was time to call it a night. Oikawa offered to walk me home. Mentioning something about if I get abducted by aliens, he’d have proof to break into area-51 to rescue me. He made me believe in other life outside of this planet, although I knew it would be several life times from our own before contact would be made. I never once made fun of his hobby even after we held a watch party for the X-Files when he had invitationals at the local universities. 

Before we knew it, we were outside of my grandmother’s house. I took off his hoodie, attempting to hand it to him, but he simply refused.

“I think my girlfriend should keep it,” his voice was sincere. “C’mon, get inside before you catch a cold.” 

Oikawa kissed my cheek before whispering something in my ear which caused my brain to burn my cheeks with a rose tint. I buried my face in his jacket and walked inside my granny’s house. 

“Your boyfriend can come inside y’know Jun-chan,” she mentioned as she saw me untie my boots. 

“I know, but right now, I have to go pack my backpack in my room. Good night grandma.”

I stood in front of my mirror hanging behind my door and slipped his hoodie on again. I took a selfie with the hood covering my eyes, making a hand gesture I learned from a sign interpreter: “this is how westerners sign ‘i love you.’” 

I sent the image to Oikawa who’s only reply was, “You’re perfect. G’night starlight. Peace, love, and aliens?”

***

I received a call a month after graduation from OIkawa asking me to meet him outside my grandmother’s house. I had told him I had been accepted into a university with a strong focus on photography and fine arts in Tokyo. To say he was proud of me was an understatement. He splurged on a bouquet and card for me whereas I got him a balloon and one of his favorite photos of us framed. We exchanged gifts on our respective last days of school, but that was last week. 

I walked outside the front door and stood on the last step of my grandmother’s porch area. Oikawa’s brows furrowed in worry. 

“You wanted to talk? Is everything ok?” I asked, folding my arms over my chest.

“I-I’m moving,” he told me. He couldn’t look me in the eye when I let out a gasp in surprise. “I want to grow with the sport I love, but I don’t want to leave you behind either.”

“I see,” I said. I stepped down toward the sidewalk to reach up to cup his face to force him to meet my eyes. “Tooru, look at me, C’mon. Meet me halfway. There you go.”

His lips were quivering like a guilty child who was about to be scolded for eating the last cookies right before dinnertime. 

“I’ll meet you every time I have a long break from university, ok? You can facetime or video chat with me every day you miss me, just don’t look this defeated. You’re going places. I said I’d be there to support you no matter what, so don’t leave here without thinking breaking up with me is a good idea because it’s not.”

I gave him a peck on the bridge of his nose. My hands dropped to my side afterward.

“Where do think of going?” I inquired.

“Argentina,” he answered. His voice seemed to gain more confidence knowing that I had presented a plan to him he could deal with. “I heard that sand on the courts there were really soft there.”

I let out a low whistle. “I wondered where you heard that from. So, Argentina, huh? Alright then. It’s settled.” 

“What is?”

“I’ll meet you there during the first spring break I have, Oikawa.”

Oikawa picked me up into a hug and spun me around. I laughed as he spun me around a second time, but before he put me back on the ground, he mentioned he’d do his best to visit me too.

The next six weeks fluttered by. I was already settled in my dorm, but I chose to skip class the day Oikawa was flying out. He and Iwazumi were on the same connecting flight after making landfall in the U.S. Iwazumi left first, hugging the two of us.

“I’m going to miss your shit eating grin,” I said, punching his arm gently. “And mainly our monster movie marathons. I needed a break from all those alien docu-series, haha.”

“I’m going to not miss telling Trashykawa to take better care of you,” Iwazumi replied. “Y’know I told him to quit screwing around and ask you to be his girlfriend during our third year, so really you should be thanking my sweet advice, Juni.”

Iwazumi bent down to hug me, when I gave him a shocked expression.

“Eh?!” I exclaimed. “Seriously?” I looked at Oikawa who merely shrugged as a reply.

“Yeah, yeah, she knows, dumbass,” Oikawa said shaking his head. “I’ll see you in LAX. Go on, Iwa-chan. Chase your dream.”

“You too. See you in a couple of hours.” 

With that final good bye a fist bump later, Iwazumi had disappeared out of our line of sight. I led Oikawa to sit down by a large window. I imagined he replayed memories in his head we made over the course of our relationship. Sure, we had a few minor arguments, but mostly it was because I wasn’t truly believing half of what his experts were saying on tv about aliens and the same goes for him not believing in urban monster myths. Those fights were petty, but entertaining. Even if he did forget about date, which happened only twice, he made up for it by blowing those outings out of the water: a blanket fort picnic when I had a cold & another date to the planetarium when they had an exhibit on Saturn (my favorite planet in our side of the galaxy). Currently, I was humming the song that played on the radio while Oikawa held my hand up until his flight number was called over the intercom. 

“I don’t want to leave yet,” he whined as he buried his head against the side of my neck. His breath tickled my neck before he pressed a kiss there.

“But if you don’t, you won’t be able to evolve into the best player you can be,” I whispered back as I ran my hands through his pillow soft hair. “Tooru, I’ll still cheer for you thousands of miles away, you know. Just don’t aggravate your injury Mr. Hit It Until It Breaks. Come on.”

The nickname I bestowed upon him caused him to straighten his back up; a smirk was drawn across his face when we stood up. His glasses were hanging off his collar. He picked up my other hand and pressed both of them against his lips. I felt the tears glazing over my eyes. Sure, I was saying good bye to my boyfriend for the last year and a half, but he didn’t need to see me cry right now. Crying was for later, I reminded myself. When we see each other again over the following breaks I had coming up in my (university’s) academic curriculum. 

“Here,” Oikawa said handing me a small box with a note attached to it from his carry-on luggage. “Read this when you get home. I’m sorry I’m leaving several months before we can celebrate our second anniversary, so this is for you. I’ll call you when I land.” With that, he kissed my cheek one more time before disappearing past the sea of other travelers that final day of spring. I giggled, telling him it was alright. I texted him shortly thereafter: More than likely, I’ll be there in Argentina to celebrate the holidays with you, so you can make up missing the two year mark to me. With love and luck, Juni

An hour later, on the train ride home, I opened the envelope he gave me in the common area of the airport before he boarded his flight. His handwriting was so much more legible than mine (although I am left handed, my kanji still smudged every time I chose the wrong pen to use in class).

To my starlight: thank you for sharing the last year and a half with me. We’ve come a long way from coke floats and milk bread. Thank you for supporting me as much as I have supported you. You make me feel invincible every time I heard you cheer for me; I’m going to miss you, you know. You showered me with nothing but enduring love and respect for my love of the game. You have no idea how much your encouragement means to me and for that I am grateful. Oh! You must be wondering about the box, right? I wanted you to wear this because it’s a tangible reminder that you own this heart of mine (also to remind you to come visit me, I’m kidding! Please don’t sass me about it because you said you would!) I look forward to your first month free from university. xo-Tooru

I propped open the box which made a gentle click. I saw the stacking sterling silver rings with an arrow in the middle. I slid the rings over my fingers with a gentle smile. 

“Damn his endearing gesture,” I said in a low tone. I took a self-cam photo of my hand over my mouth with my eyes closed when I arrived back to my dorm and posted it on my page, captioning it as follows: You’re one of a kind. Be safe out there in Argentina. Por favor, mi amor, come una bola de fraile por mi. I’ll see you in a few months. #hesakeeper #oikawasgf #gpoy #tangiblepromise #arrowrings

Afterward:

The tensions were high in the stadium. Cheers for both teams filled the arena I currently found myself in. The score was deuce in the final set. Oikawa asked me multiple times since my last visit to move permanently with him back to my home country. Argetina was always as beautiful as ever with enough talent to match the blossoming professional careers of his volleyball peers. This often led me to catch Oikawa up to speed with the latest news of the whereabouts of his disciple, Kageyama, as well as what career paths his fellow alumni chose while I was finishing my last accelerated course in Photography-fine arts degree. In return Oikawa told me of the many times Iwazumi called him lucky to have someone who loved him as much as he did playing a sport you knew would take up a majority of his life. 

Over the last phone calls I had with Iwazumi, he also reminded me of how whipped I am for his friend up to the point he was helping me choose winter outfits for the southern hemisphere. Although it was summer here in the northern side of the globe, the winter chill had come to South America a little early. My tablet sat on my bed when I opened my closet. At this time, I had moved in to an apartment off campus with the money I earned from taking up a paid internship at a local fashion house not too far from the photo lab I use at my school.

The week before I flew out to Argentina again, Iwazumi Facetimed me from UCLA. Oikawa and I have been on good terms since the day he left Japan. The conversations on the phone were brief, but the text chains we exchanged were long. Michiru from time to time called me during her own apprenticeship in Hokkaido (the restaurant business was what she wanted to focus on after high school ended for us). Going back to Oikawa, we agreed early on that whenever we had enough money set aside for travel, we’d take turns visiting each other. This visit though, was my turn. I was in the middle of packing my suitcase when I received Iwa’s call:

“I don’t understand why you persist on surprising him this time. The last time you did, he wouldn’t shut up to me about it for a fucking week. Please tell me you’ve at least slept with him that time.”

“Are you that desperate for attention you need to hear about me and your best friend’s sex lives?” I teased, laughing as soon as he realized he made that comment aloud. “And the answer is yes, obviously. The first time was a few days after you guys lost to Karasuno. But that’s neither here or there, if you want details of this latest naughty adventure, don’t ask me. That’s on you and your best friend to discuss when I’m not talking to him. I’m not one to fuck and tell, Hajime.”

“Yeah, I know,” i felt his eye roll coming while I zipped up my suit case. 

“Juni, you need to take care of him when you get there. Remind him not to over do it.”

“I’ll take care of your best friend the best way I know how,” I continued, turning to face my tablet. “You know I always do.” I stuck out my hand adorned with the rings Oikawa gifted me on the day he flew out. Iwazumi let it slip that he was the one who planted the idea in Oikawa’s head during a late night 2a.m. text where Oikawa mentioned he wanted to gift me something before he left to which Iwazumi replied with the concept of a promise ring. Who knew this practical friend was such a big softie who supported his best friend’s choice in women (me. I’m talking about me, Juni).

“You think surprising him in Argentina this time would be a good idea?”

My leg had healed back less than a month ago, leaving a cool scar on the inside of my calf down to my ankle. The first time Oikawa saw me without my brace, I freaked him out by sitting on a wheelchair and when he bent down to hug me, I stood up and walked toward him normally. He freaked out in the best way. (There were a lot of cheers, mostly from the hospital staff because only the docs who took care of me knew how much I had progressed) 

“Of course it is. I e-mailed his coach I would be coming to visit after today’s game. They’re in a time out now, so I gotta go. We’ll see you in California for the new year. Later, Iwa-chan.”

I pushed my way to the front of the railings to view the court where his team was playing. The time in the sand courts really did alleviate his mended knee. It also made his plays a bit more tighter in terms of touch to set ratio reaction time. Choosing now during a time out to make my presence known, I raised my hands to my mouth and shouted: 

“Oikawa Tooru!” 

At the sound of his name being called, he spotted me with wide eyes. His toothy grin still looked as lovely as ever. “I flew half way across the world to see you play again! Don’t mess it up!”

“That’s your girlfriend, right?” his team mate asked, smiling up at me with a wave. “You better not let her down.” Oikawa nodded in excitement. He felt the electricity in the stadium come to a halt when every strategy was working in his favor; even his counters had improved. I guess the last time where we played a condensed version of “king of the court” (one on one) at the sand court near the shoreline really assisted in his ability to bring out the best of his teammates.

After the match (which his team had won after the last match), I ran down to the first floor to see him surrounded by reporters and photographers. He walked away mid-sentence to hug me, his lips always finding mine first before I could even process what was happening.

“You’re really here,” he whispered in my ear when he squeezed me into a tight embrace. The sound of the media pass holders taking his photos with me surrounded us. I nodded. 

“I came to surprise my favorite superstar,” I teased. “Now, tell the world you love me.” My arms gripped his shoulders as if to challenge him.

Oikawa did not have to be told twice before he reached behind my neck and kissed me again before he answered any more questions. 

The newscasters moved on to other members of his team, but the photographers stayed behind for a little bit. Long enough for one of them to snap more photos of us. 

Special thanks to ⛅️ anon for tracking this work of mine, @tkags & to @vbcshenaningansnwritings for proof reading this on my behalf. Love ya

[purplesurveys]

784

What's one thing you really want right now? I want mass testing in my country so that we can actually reach some fucking progress. All they made us do was stay at home for two months and now they’re starting to reopen malls and public places are starting to crowd up again - how was quarantining ourselves supposed to fix anything? Is there anything you're looking forward to? Getting my thesis ready for binding!!! Andrew and I are soooo close to wrapping it up and our adviser has just been giving us super minor edits because we’re pretty much good to go. I’ll just wait for the green light from her so I can finally heave a huge sigh of relief. Are you in love? Yes I am. Is love even existent at your age? I mean...yes? Love doesn’t always have to be romantic, and I’ve always been surrounded by it through relatives and friends. When was the last time you exercised enough to break a sweat? That would be my last PE class, which was last March. I don’t exercise outside of PE lol.

Have you been annoyed at someone/something today? Lol yep well I’m super irritable and I always get annoyed with at least one thing everyday. Today it was over how hot it’s back to being. We had one sweet day of rains and thunderstorms last week and I actually wrapped myself in a blanket and had my electric fan on low and it was the besssssst. Now we’re back to having uncomfortably humid and 42C days. Are you avoiding anybody at the moment? Yeah. Rita messaged me a reminder about a survey that we have to take within the org, but I hadn’t taken it yet. As much as I love the org, I’m so over that chapter at this point and I honestly can���t care any less about stuff they’re still making us accomplish. Is rap your favorite genre of music? No it’s not. I like some of it, but very seldom will I feel like looking up rap songs on Spotify. Have you ever used someone to get what you truly wanted? No. I don’t call it using, I call it asking for help to be able to submit stories for my journalism classes lol. There’ve been times I’ve had to tap high school classmates I haven’t talked to in a while, knowing that they will be a good source for whatever article I’m writing. It’s for acads and business is business, so over the years I’ve learned to not be chicken about it and just reach out if I need something from them. I know I would do the same and happily be interviewed if I can be a source for anything. Are you one of those people that gets jealous easily? I have my days, but generally I feel envious more often. What was your favorite show as a kid? Hi-5 when I was much younger, Spongebob when I got a little older, and Drake and Josh when I got a liiiiiiittle bit older. Do you get along with your whole family? I get along with everyone, but the least with my mom. With her, we get along just enough to not like, pull each other’s hair on a daily basis. It’s the bare minimum and I’m fine with it and I have no interest in getting closer to her. When was the last time you were sick? January 2017. What's one thing you want to tell somebody right now? “You can’t keep fucking doing that” How are you today? Partly giddy because we made final edits on our thesis today, and also partly giddy because I just learned that my mom has been asked to report to work again starting tomorrow and I cannot waaaaiiiittttttt to have a full day without her at home again after two months. Imagine not being yelled at or criticized or scowled at or judged??? Love that for me, love that for my family. Has anybody close to you passed away in the last six months? Angela’s grandmother passed away last month. I wasn’t close to her per se but she was always the first person I saw whenever I’d come over her place, and I’d ask for mano and she’d go on to ask me how my day’s been, how school’s been, so I was also crushed when I found out. Have you ever lasted a relationship longer then two months? Yes. At the moment, what's your favorite song? Hayley Williams’ Why We Ever is probably gonna be my favorite for a long time. Are you obsessed with anything? Not really. I think I’m mostly done with my fangirling/fandom years hahaha it was fun while it lasted, but I’m generally just a casual fan of the things I’m into now, like Beyoncé or Paramore or wrestling. Do you think that weed/marijuana should be legalized? I haven’t heard a single bad thing about it unless it’s coming from traditional boomer politicians in the country, so yeah why not. I heard it has medicinal purposes too, so I don’t even know why its legalization is even up for debate. I gotta be honest though and say I don’t know much about it to be any more passionate or stronger in my stance. Is it safe to walk around your neighborhood at night? Only because I live in a gated village. I wouldn’t walk along the highway just right outside. If you could visit any state/country you wanted, where would you go? Chicago, USA. If money weren't an object, what would you do with your life? ^ Go to Chicago. And proceed to travel to the other places also on my bucket list. Are you a fan of heights? I’m not a ‘fan,’ I just don’t have a phobia of it and don’t mind if I’m way up somewhere. What is the last compliment you recieved? Andrew told me I was smart. Rate your typing speed on a scale from 1 - 10? 9. I know there are much quicker typers than me, but I know I can type fast myself too. Is there an instrument you can/wish you could play? Piano and violin. Are you artistic at all? Not at all. Why do you take surveys? It’s my way of journaling and it also allows me to release tension or stress or anguish when it’s necessary. Also, very few people do it so I find it private enough that I’m able to share with people interested in reading answers, but not to the point that the audience is overwhelmingly large. Where are you? I am on the couch in our living room, which never allows me to have proper posture lol. What is your goal in life? To end up being happy with who I eventually become.

Do you enjoy tanning? I don’t really need to do this because I’m already quite tan, but sure it’s fun to sunbathe whenever I’m at the beach so I can get even darker and have an obvious fresh-off-the-beach look when I get back to the city haha. Is everything going your way right now? Obviously not. Ugh. What's one aspect of your life that you want to change? There is one glaring aspect in life that I’m sure everyone wants to have changed, but we don’t have any control over it at the moment. Do you text more then you talk on the phone? For sure. Is music a big portion of your life? Not really. I’ll have music on when I’m driving, when a favorite artist puts new material out, when I’m rewriting notes from class...but that’s it. I find music to be a bit distracting, especially when I’m writing or working. Does anybody call you 'baby'? Yes. Is there someone you want, but can't have? Nope. Have you ever broken the law? Yeah dude, just look at my hard drive and all the movies and shows I have on there lmaooooo Are you scared to grow old? I’m scared of the mounting responsibilities that are slowly making themselves known as I’m inching closer to graduating, but I’m not afraid of growth and new people and new experiences.

[one-piece-dumpster-fire]

A Crachelle scenario- “Be my Sweetheart”

Description: After being together for so long, Cracker decides that it's time to take the next big step with his dearly beloved and finally prepares to propose! But he wouldn't be Charlotte Cracker if there wasn't something... ‘unusual’ involved this whole plan...

A/N: aaadzauwebdq this is all thanks to my dear friend @crapitskizaru, who had this weirdfantastic idea that Cracker would propose to me with a ring made out of... something special, and of course I am more than onboard with it and had to turn it into a scenario xDDD This was simply too good not to write out, and also I am back back back back BACK AGAIN from my break :D!

Warning for: a purely self-indulgent OS, you guys know me by now :’D

Like most of the days after her accident, Michelle once again found herself sitting on the couch in her large living room- her legs were bouncing up and down as she hummed along to a happy song, all while her eyes were basically glued to a small fashion and makeup magazine she held in her hands. The young woman just finished her daily exercises and was  looking forward to a nice and relaxing afternoon with her boyfriend, who could come home at any moment now. She slowly turned over another page, her free hand reaching for the cup on the small table infront of her to take a sip of the green tea she just brew a few minutes ago.

But suddenly her ears perked up as she could hear the front door being unlocked, followed by the sound of heavy footsteps approaching the door to the living room, causing a small smile to dance on Michelle's lips.

Instinctively she scooted over a bit to leave more space on the cushions next to her- after all, Cracker was a huge man even compared to her, and she didn't want him to use the table as a footstool again because there wasn't enough room on the couch!

Just a moment later the door to the living room slammed open, practically announcing the arrival of her boyfriend who stepped into the room with his usually large grin, and upon spotting Michelle it only grew wider. Although the door was wide open Cracker still took a second to gently knock on it, almost as if he feared slamming it open wasn't enough to catch her attention, and then he quickly waltzed into the room almost as if he owned it (which, technically, he sort of did).

Michelle quickly looked up with a warm smile and put the magazine down on the table as the large man strolled over to her and leaned down to her level while affectionately rubbing her shoulders with his big hands.

„Hey babe, I'm back,“ Cracker whispered before capturing his girlfriends mouth in his own for a small welcome kiss. However, upon breaking apart some of Michelle's lipgloss had now begun to stain his lips, making him pout playfully. „Awww, you didn't pick the one that tastes like strawberries today? You know that's my favorite...“ the older man chuckled, causing his girlfriend to join in with a lighter giggle as she wiped over Cracker's lips with a finger to get rid of the glittery gloss.

„Haha no, I just wanted to try out something new for you! To keep you on your toes, you know?“ she teased and wrapped both of her arms around his neck, their faces still close enough to feel each other's hot breathe hit their skin. But suddenly the young woman’s smile faltered a bit as she noticed the oddly serious expression on his face, and instead of hugging her back Cracker was fidging with his hands, staring down at his gloves as a small hue of pink appeared on his cheeks. Before Michelle could ask him about what was wrong however, he gently pressed a finger against her lips while lifting his again head to look her in the eyes.

„Sugar Cookie, you gotta do me a favor, alright? Close your eyes for a moment...“ he muttered and pulled back, although his girlfriend was still visibly confused she did as he said, almost expecting Cracker to suprise kiss her like he would sometimes do, but what she absolutely didn't expect was to see him kneeling infront of her as he gave the signal that it was okay for her to open her eyes again. A suprised gasp escaped her as she quickly covered her mouth with a hand, her eyes were widened and a bright blush crept onto her cheeks. Was he... was he gonna do what she thought he was gonna do?!?!

The older man then cleared his throat and reached into his pocket to pull out a small box, his hands were shaking which caused Cracker to silently curse himself as he looked up at Michelle again. He swallowed hard, mentally wishing that he would have made some plans beforehand on what exactly to say- because now his girlfriend was watching him with anticipation and he struggled to come up with the right words to get this proposal running, god dammit!

„Well well well....“ Cracker suddenly exclaimed, his voice louder than he had intended and sweat immediately formed on his forehead, „...It's a beautiful day we’re having. But not nearly as beautiful as you, my dear.“ he began, his voice still trembling but slowly and surely he returned to his usual confident self.

„you know, all this time we spend together... I would never want to trade it for anything! We went through so much- hardships, beautiful moments... hah! Remember that one time we accidentally tore your mattress? Haaaah, such good times...” he grinned with a dreamy expression before his face turned serious again, and this time it even looked as if he was slightly offended, “...it just, frustrates me you know??? Because clearly we are meant to be much more than just 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend'.“ Cracker sighed, he never particularly enjoyed using these terms to describe his and Michelle's relationship, after all- he was a man, not a boy! As his second hand lowered itself onto the lid he quickly looked up to see how the young woman was taking everything so far, and the sight of her trembling body and eyes full of tears and love caused his heart skip a beat. It was exactly the reassurance he had hoped for, and so Cracker continued.

„...so I think it's time we take the next step, together. Michelle, I love you more than anything. And I hereby ask for not only your hand in marriage, but your hand in life. My darling, will you be...“ he lifted the lid of the small box, a confident smirk on his lips as he revealed the ring he had picked, „...my sweetheart?“

For a second it was quiet in the room, Michelle eyed the ring with suprise  while she wondered why it was so... big and thick, but then she leapt off the couch and into her lovers arms, showering his face with kisses as hot tears of happiness streamed down her face.

„Yes! A thousand times YES!!! I love you, Cracker. So... much... there is nothing I want more than to be with you, forever...“ she whispered as a sob escaped from her throat, and Cracker wasted no time picking her up and twirling the smaller woman around in his arms, careful not to put too much pressure on her injured hip, as he kissed away the tears from her face. A few moments passed by as both of them felt overwhelmed by their feelings for each other- Cracker was unable to help himself and hugged her tightly against his chest, while Michelle openly started to cry and sob like there was no tomorrow. Both of them wished for this moment to last forever, but ultimately Cracker had to put his now fiancée back onto the ground for the second part of this little 'ceremony'.

„Here, sweetie. Let me slip this ring onto your finger to show everyone that you're mine forever from now on...“ he muttered, his large grin still intact as he carefully pulled the ring out from the box and slowly reached for Michelle's hand. The young woman smiled with anticipation and wiped away a few more tears before holding out her destined hand for him, her mind still unable to understand that this was really happening. But... upon looking closer at the ring, Michelle couldn't help but notice that something was... mh, odd. Not only was it much bigger and looked almost kind of... bulgy, but it was also... crumbling?!

Upon feeling the 'ring' slip onto her finger Michelle immediately noticed the oddly gritty texture it had to it- this clearly was no metal or gold or whatever- which made her look up at her husband and down at the ring again with a confused expression.

„Uhm....“ the young woman reached up with her free hand to scratch the back of her head while her eyes were still looked onto the weird.. thing on her hand. Ah HOLD ON, THIS WAS-

„....I made it special! Just for you, my little Sugar Cookie, I got you a ring that would fit you like nothing else- made out of a sugar cookie!“ Cracker explained proudly with a sweaty grin and Michelle slowly nodded her head, giving her soon-to-be husband a small smile, but that was not exactly the reaction Cracker was hoping for.

„....I... I do hope you like it! I figured a boring, regular engagement ring wouldn't be fitting for you, mein kleines Vanilleplätzchen~!“ he added romantically, but his grin slowly started to shrink as he wondered if this was after all the right decision.

Now you may ask, why did Cracker decide to get a cookie ring?

Well first of all, this proposal was kind of a 'spur of the moment' kind of thing. He didn't just want to be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore, so when he walked by that one specific bakery... his mind was made up.

Secondly... in case Michelle decided for some unexplicable reason to turn down his proposal, it would be easier for Cracker to just play it as a joke and laugh everything off. And after all... this would only be a temporary ring anyway. Once his dearly beloved would have agreed to marry him, he'd spend the next days looking for a new, more proper one; and would happily waste all of his money to get Michelle the best ring ever, since she deserved nothing less in his eyes.

But now... he found himself questioning his actions as his fiancée looked at the ring with a certain thoughtfulness reflected in her eyes. By now Cracker started sweating bullets, he was anticipating her reaction like a starved dog waiting for someone to throw it a bone, and the next time she looked up he sighed with relief. Her usual smile was on her face, this time it looked even warmer and more loving as Michelle nodded and prepared to throw herself into his arms again.

„Oh, Cracker... this is so lovely, so random, so... you!“ she exclaimed happily and rubbed her cheeks against his as her hand with the ring rubbed over his neck.

„....And it smells so good! Mhhh, oh I just... I love you so much! Thank you!“ the young woman cried out, a new wave of tears welling up in her eyes. As weird as it may be, this was cleary an act of love only her beloved Cracker could pull off, and she would carry that ring with pride, even if it would get moldy or rancid or whatever! It was the symbol of their union, the sign that said 'look at me, I'm gonna marry the man of my dreams!’, and if it would start to stink then she would simply spray some perfume on it and so be it!

Mentally she could already see her family and friends reacting, oh how lovely their congratulations would be... 

„omg Michelle is that a donut on your finger. WHY are you wearing a donut on your finger.“ probably something like that.

A sly grin appeared on Cracker's face as he took in all of the loving emotions reflected on his future wife's face, and with a low chuckle he leaned down, his lips gently grazing the skin of her ear as he whispered;

„Now... my beautiful little bride... how about we seal this deal by having a little pre-wedding fun, mhh~?“ he grinned and wiggled his non-existant eyebrows before reaching behind her with his large hand, slowly letting it trail down her back until it reached her butt, which was when Michelle intervened and grabbed onto his arm, a large smile dancing on her features.

„Can't wait 'til our wedding night now, can't you~?“ she teased with a giggle and wrapped her arms around his thick neck, waiting for Cracker to pick her up. And he did so immediately, his grin only growing as he winked down at her.

„Haha, you know me best, Sugar Cookie.“

[talix18]

November 2

I just want a word processing program. I'm not trying to be difficult. A word processing program that will estimate for me how many words I've written. Which requires a computer Operating System to run said program, preferably with an Internet connection in case there are updates to said program. The computer on which I'm typing this is an unknown number of years old. I know I got it when my ex lived with me, and he's been dead for several years.

That's a hazard of loving people in recovery, especially from drug addiction as opposed to alcoholism. The drugs out there are not those of your elders and they are nowhere near as forgiving of overdoses. My ex became my ex when he relapsed. A couple of years later he got some fentanyl with his heroin and it killed him. Drugs are bad, mmkay?

Anyway, the computer. I am...working with an OS that's 10 years old and have 6 gigs of RAM. (That's before I stuck my 2 gig thumb drive in to use as extended memory.) I'm clearly fighting hard for something to write about here. I'd rather get this done early in the day so I don't have to dread it, but writing about myself is almost as tedious as being myself.

Today is a good day, so far. I made it out the door to yoga and got my eyebrows done on the way home. Eyebrow waxing is my only consistent beauty practice. I'd like to keep up with my hair and not just put it up wet every day but let's face it – I'm stingy with my time and money and can't commit to something eight weeks from now. My hair is going gray and makes me look my actual age, which I alternately don't care about and am horrified by. Now I have extra guilt doing home color – my adopted niece graduated from Paul Mitchell hair school and would happily accept my money for getting to practice on my head, but she's located just far enough away to be inconvenient.

Plus getting out of bed is hard enough. I'll gladly take 15 extra minutes to check the Internet that will still be there when I get to work over putting on make-up and drying my hair. Is this about depression, laziness, or feminist resistance to society's expectations? I'd like to have fun with my appearance and my wardrobe but dammit – do I have to start so bless-ed early in the morning?

(This whole “early in the morning thing” is BS, by the way. I learned how quickly I can get myself showered, dressed, and out the door at my most depressed and now resist any attempt to plan further in advance.) Yes, I want to look nice in pictures but I don't want to do the work necessary to achieve that.

This is a theme in my life – there's a lot of things I want to do and be without taking any of the steps that might lead me in the correct direction. Sometimes it's a question of not knowing what those steps might be. Recovery has blessed me with the crazy notion of finding someone who has (or knows how to do) something you want (to know how to do) and ask them how they did it. I'm not sure if this is as mind-blowing to everyone as it was to me. It may be one of those things that falls into the category of “it feels like I missed some fundamental How To Be A Person class that everyone else took.”

This is a common feeling among recovering people. None of us feels like we fit in; everyone else knows something we don't; we are missing some fundamental quality that would have made life fall neatly into place. (Which brings me to the topic of the people who just needed to put the drugs down and be pointed in a productive direction vs. people who are still disasters clean. Guess which group I fall into.) Which reminds me! Last night the Internet gave me the link to an article in Oprah's magazine that describes the midlife-crisis currently hitting the women of Generation X. So this here writing project? Completely unnecessary. But I've set this challenge for myself and I love no motivation like shame and guilt. So I'll keep writing and see what I end up with.

Where was I? Oh – the things I want without wanting to do the work to get them. I've always wanted to play guitar but only enough to take a handful of lessons. My last attempt was valiant – I bought myself a beautiful guitar and showed up pretty consistently for group lessons at a friend's house. After a few months, there was pain in my strumming arm almost constantly. Especially painful were things like gripping the scoop I use to clean litter boxes, which is a thing I try to do every day. I went through physical therapy twice before the pain went away, and it's still not completely gone. My intention is to go to the adorable guitar shop where I bought my guitar (where they also give lessons) and ask someone (who knows how to do something I want to know how to do) if there is a way I should be doing it differently. That has been my intention for many months now.

What is it? What is the problem? 1. Think of a thing to do. 2. DO THE THING. That's it, right? There's not some 1.5 secret step I'm missing? There must be. Unless this is that executive function thing they talk about? There are the things I know I want to do (currently: clearing out yet more of my wardrobe so I can get rid of my TWO broken dressers [why do I have two broken dressers?] and acquire a new piece of storage for my clothing; taking my books off the bookshelves so they can be moved and I can get new flooring and also get rid of some books)(besides the regular stuff like exercise and eat foods that make me look and feel good and learn how to program and garden and oh maybe clean my damn house) and there is the crushing lack of motivation and energy.

(I'm thinking this whole NaNoWriMo thing coincided with an increase in the dosage of one of my meds which has given me a temporary “up” sensation? Like I sat through my laptop trying to repair itself so I could write rather than wandering off and doing something [or nothing] else. Honestly, me getting a thing done sooner rather than later is not a thing. I still haven't emptied the litter boxes from yesterday.)

(It occurs to me at this point to wonder if my expectations aren't set unrealistically high. Hi, my name is Teri and I was in Gifted & Talented classes and was told I had Such Potential, and have done no impressive or soul-fulfilling thing with my life. Welcome to my expectations. Not to mention this existential dread that I didn't even have words for until college when I took philosophy and learned that existentialism is a thing. This is my ONE opportunity to be alive and ultimately the only rules are those I choose to follow and This is what I've done with it? This is my life?)

(Which brings me to capitalism, specifically late-stage capitalism. I was born to the grandchildren of farmers and immigrants without the financial means to pick and choose which hobbies would distract me from my inescapable death. I watched my mother survive two divorces and [unbeknownst to myself] decided that I would be able to take care of myself. I wouldn't depend on anyone else for lodging or food or miscellaneous entertainments; I would do it myself. [This has a lot to do with why I am Single. Unmarried. Don't get too close – you may offer to take care of me and I might weaken and let you and then my guard will be down and then life will have me where it wants me.]

Late-stage capitalism. In which I, a consumer, trade my time and energy for money, which I then trade for comfort, convenience, and distraction from the awareness of my inescapable death. Knowing that, sooner or later, NONE OF THIS WILL MATTER bumps up against my desire to look younger and be attractive and matter in some absolute sense. I have a “safe” government job [thanks, Dad] with good insurance which is a Big Deal when you have a chronic condition like mental illness. I have a small home, a car that's paid for and still runs, and two cats for whom I am responsible. That there are no children is partly on purpose; partly because I never wanted to be a single mom, and partly because I didn't meet their other parent while I was young and foolish enough to consider parenting.)

Where was I? Expectations. In recovery, expectations are set-ups for resentments. Hmm. I may have to think about that. If nothing matters, expectations are silly. There are no shoulds. There Is No Way To Derive An Ought From An Is. (My favoritest of all the things I learned in philosophy.) Except that my best idea, recreational drug use, got me in legal trouble, put everyone else at risk, and (now that they know about it) makes my loved ones worry about my health and well-being. So it benefits all of us that I remain clean. And it increases the likelihood that I'll stay clean if I treat my mental illness, which requires (in this ever more dystopian hellscape) money and/or insurance. Which requires a job. Which is easier to maintain if I have a safe place to sleep and food and clothing. All of which requires effort to maintain. We haven't even mentioned recycling and volunteering and staying informed about the current state of the ever more dystopian hellscape. There are a lot of plates to keep spinning, despite the fact that eventually they are all going to shatter and it won't ultimately matter to anyone who will endure. (Existentialism is heavy.)

But haha! Daily word count achieved! Now I can get my active minutes in (exercise boosts both physical and mental health) and figure out how much time I have before I need to be where I'm supposed to be next. Because social activities and meetings make living more meaningful. Lather, rinse, repeat.

[deeahhnuh]

2019!

I've done this year-in-review thing since 2007! 2007-2012 are over on my old LiveJournal, and 2013-on are right here on my Tumblr. :)

2020. 2020! That year sounds space-age or something lol, and not like it's just, well, tomorrow. Happy New Year, Tumblr!

What did you do in 2019 that you'd never done before?

Not too much, lol! I guess I just kept doing the things I usually do, but tried to do them better/improve them (when it comes to work!), or do more of them (fun times and family times!).

Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Every year I mention that I don't really make New Year's resolutions - more like little goals all year! - but hey, it's a new decade! This year I think I will make a resolution that I will hold myself to. In 2020, I resolve to work hard - like really hard - on being healthy! Eat right, exercise, lose weight, work on maintaining less stress - be good to myself! I know everyone makes that kind of resolution, but it's a good one for a reason. :)

Did anyone close to you give birth?

Aw, no new babies this year!

Did anyone close to you die?

Sadly, yes... my uncle (my dad's oldest brother) passed away in May. ♥ We also lost a beloved neighbor in August.

What countries did you visit?

Lol, none!

What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019?

I seemed to lack the ability to chill this year, haha - I stressed out about everything! :O So I’m ready to go with the flow better in 2020!

What date(s) from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Can’t think of any big dates, but this December marked 5 years since I graduated (and gave a speech at the departmental ceremony, to toot my own horn lol!) from the University of Maryland! Time is bizarre - 5 years feels both forever ago and also not that far back!

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I’ve been working in the registrar’s office at a community college for three years now! I love it, and I’m proud of the work I do!! :)

What was your biggest failure?

Everything’s a learning experience of course lol, but thankfully I didn’t goof too bad this year! ;)

Did you suffer illness or injury?

Oh my goodness, I started off the year with a thumping in my right ear (the name for it is “pulsatile tinnitus” - which somehow makes it sound scary!). :O Happily, that mess dissipated in a few months’ time, but it sure did worry (and annoy) me! Other than that - all good! :)

What was the best thing you bought?

I was very fortunate this year to buy a few things that really made me smile!

I do love a perfume! Dior Addict is a stunning, spicy vanilla (I love ‘em sweet!) that really hits the spot.

I’m also pleased, on the “I stan goofy dance music” front, to have found a couple of old Ministry of Sound compilations that I’ve had bookmarked on Amazon for awhile - they came back in stock this year and I snatched ‘em up. Anthems Sound of Dubstep (2012) is brash and obnoxious fun, and Sessions Ten (2013) is slightly less brash but just as obnoxious so I love it. They’re both releases from the Australian arm of MOS!

Oh and one of my fave used record stores had a copy of one of DJ Rap’s “Bad Girl” CD singles with mixes I didn’t have; I was kinda shocked to see it and very very happy to buy it! It was only 99 cents. Wow!! I do like a ridiculous deal! :)

Whose behavior merited celebration?

My mom is amazing, as always, and so are my dad and brother! I love my fam!!

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

No one!

Where did most of your money go?

See above - my more frivolous spending went toward perfume and goofy dance tunes, haha!

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

I will never, ever forget opening a very special present for Christmas this year. I love and adore It’s a Wonderful Life, and I even wrote a paper about it in college. I used a fabulous book as one of my sources - The It’s a Wonderful Life Book by Jeanine Basinger - and since then I’ve always had it in the back of my mind to purchase it someday. It’s a fantastic keepsake kinda thing for a fan of the movie. Unfortunately it always seemed to be out of stock, or way too expensive to consider, so over time I kind of just put it on the back burner.

But just a few days ago on Christmas morning as we all opened gifts, I tore wrapping paper off a box, pulled off the box top, and bam - there it was. Decorative tissue paper obscured it, but I could see the book cover peeking through - The It’s a Wonderful Life Book! My mama, the best mama, found this awesome book for me! My Christmas - my year! - was made! ♥

What song will always remind you of 2019?

Here’s a Spotify playlist of the songs that I loved this year; most are old releases lol. New(er) songs and albums I loved this year:

“Like Sugar” by Chaka Khan. Funky!

“Lost in the Fire” by Gesaffelstein feat. The Weeknd. Cool and atmospheric!

“Lights Up” by Harry Styles. Boy band guy makes good lol! Great tune.

Mazy Fly (2019) by SPELLLING. Dark, richly layered, weird, beautiful.

The Destroyer - 1 and The Destroyer - 2 (2019) by TR/ST. Two EP-ish releases that make up a whole album-ish listen. The Destoyer - 1 slightly edges out the second release, but I just like hearing so much synthy TR/ST goodness!

Compared to this time last year (2018), are you:

Doin' all right, and hopeful for a great start to 2020!

What do you wish you'd done more of?

Listen to more albums - new or old! The last few years I seem to listen to a handful of albums a year, then spend the rest of my music-listening time playing dance music compilations. Ah well, maybe I'll catch up on my massive "to listen" list in the next decade lol!

What do you wish you'd done less of?

Stress (see above lol) - but I'm def working on it! :)

How did you spend Christmas?

Family time!! ♥

What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in 2019?

Nothing, yay lol!

How many one-night stands?

None lol

What was your favorite TV program?

My silly cartoons! Family Guy, American Dad, Bob's Burgers, and SpongeBob SquarePants (lol idk, nostalgia is hard to kick!) still make me laugh even though I am otherwise a perfectly reasonable adult. :)

Bravo's Real Housewives - all of 'em! - crack me up and bring the totally ridiculous drama!

The Orville is fantastic, one of my fave more recent shows. I love the cast! Each episode really adds to their stories and builds the show's world. Looking forward to the next season!

Emergence is a great new sci-fi show with a strong cast - especially the sensible, big-hearted lead Allison Tolman - and suspenseful storyline!

I haven't seen the first season, and to be honest I don't think I'd be able to explain what the heck it's actually about because I'm easily confused, but American Gods caught my attention this year! The cast is excellent - even if the plot escaped me, lol, I really got into the characters.

And What We Do In The Shadows! Such a delight!!

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019?

I love a classic, slightly minimal style, but I'm just happy to look decently put-together lol!

What kept you sane?

My fam, my entertainment stuff (music, movies, TV, magazines), working with wonderful colleagues... ♥

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

No! :O

What was the best book you read in 2019?

The It’s a Wonderful Life Book was probably the best book I read (well, most of it!) this decade. ♥

What was your greatest musical discovery?

SPELLLING is awesome - definitely an artist I'm excited to hear more from!!

What did you want and get?

I won't say The It’s a Wonderful Life Book again! :)

On a more serious note, I had my first MRIs in a while for MS maintenance - my previous neurologist retired and my new doctor wanted to get a baseline. I was very, very anxious about getting the results. My former doctor last ordered an MRI in 2011, so this was definitely a good and highly necessary step, but very nerve-wracking! I'm so fortunate to not be experiencing symptoms - and haven't since my initial occurrence of optic neuritis in '09 (though I was actually diagnosed with MS in 2011) - but what might the MRIs (brain and T- and C-spine) reveal?

I wanted to receive good results - a report of stability, not progression. And would you believe it? I did. My (amazing!) neurologist gave me the greatest news I had all year - stable, no new lesions, all good!! Of course this is for now - who knows about the future? - but I'm thrilled, and thankful. As this year ends and I reflect on all the good, this takes the cake!!

What did you want and not get?

Pffft, nothin' lol! I've got so many lovely things and reasons to be thankful - who could ask for more?!

What was your favorite film of this year?

Lol I did not see many new movies, but of the '19 films I saw, my fave was Knives Out! I only just saw it yesterday - what a fun way to close out the year! Fantastic cast, clever story, funny - just all-around entertainment.

I also loved Yesterday. All the Beatles references and the obvious affection for the group and their fans just felt like a great big hug! So good!

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Girl I'm well and truly a thirty-something now - 33!! I had fun! I did lots of little fun things with my fam - like shopping, watching movies, that kind of good stuff!

What three things would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Like I said above - who could ask for more? Not me! :)

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I'm late to the David Harbour bandwagon - but better late than never!

And also Daniel Craig in Knives Out was a good thing.

What political issue stirred you the most?

Ew, there's something stirring like every hour or so.

Who did you miss?

Losing my grandmother at the end of last year really colored a lot of this year... and then losing my uncle added more shadows. ♥♥♥

What is a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019?

I always answer this one with a twist on the Pet Shop Boys song title and my life philosophy - "Happiness is an option." So here we go! The chorus of the song acknowledges that "it is not easy," and some times are definitely like that. This year had those moments, and next year will too, because that's how life is! It is often not easy.

But! The last bit of the chorus follows "it is not easy" with "happiness is an option." Things can stink, but they can be okay too. That's what "happiness is an option" has always meant to me, and it means that just as much this year. Maybe even more!!

What quote can be used to sum up your year?

See above haha! "Happiness is an option” has been my fave quote for years, and I’m gonna keep on living it! :)

[sweetdeathwrites]

Sapphic, Savvy?

Summary: Sometimes, coming out is harder for some people than others. Kyoko is one of those people.

Warnings: sexual suggestiveness, fears about coming out

~[Kyoko/Fem!Reader]~

(original author’s note, sorry, it’s long–– 

WOW I LOVE KYOKO, MY GIRLFRIEND!!!! #LetKyokoBeMyWife2k17 i love her!! alright, in all seriousness, if there were a lot of wlw reader-inserts, or even girl/gender neutral fits, i probably would've realized I liked girls a lot sooner. And if there were more gender neutral fics I probably would've realized I'm nonbinary sooner too... haha, well, I hope this helps someone! Or is just entertaining! Either is great, haha! I want more Kyoko/reader fics... I love my gf and I'm pretty sure I've only seen one more Kyoko/reader fic here on Luna....if you write any, send them to me, alright? I love Kyoko so much, she's so good and sweet!!! also, that pun in the title? When i first thought of it I snorted out loud. Like that was a thing I actually did because I thought it was just the best pun ever. I actually snorted. also, Bianchi totally has had same gendered lovers. There is no way she hasn't— i mean, she works in the mafia and there HAS to be some situations where she's needed to be a seductress for a woman. Also my head canon for her is that she's not straight. She's definitely had a girlfriend before, before Reborn probably. She's so iconic, the butch and femme ideal, the best of both worlds.... i love her.... ok, shoutout to GuardianAngel07! not for anything in particular (ok there's always reason, but this is just a casual shout out!!1!) but she's a huge inspiration to me and she's so kind, sweet, and supportive, that I think she deserves a shoutout! She deserves more than one, but this will have to do for now! Thanks for everything~)

–––––––––––––––––––––––––

The peaceful calm of dawn is broken by the rustling of bedsheets and a duvet over a too-small bed. Your mouth stretched wide in a yawn and you roll over to face your beautiful girlfriend. She smiled, cheeks rosy and her long lashes cast even longer shadows over her cherubic face. You smiled. ‘Sasagawa Kyoko,' you mused, ‘My very own goddess.’ She stirred in her sleep- just the smallest bit- but it was enough for you to freeze and wait for her to settle back down again. Through her window, you could see faint sunbeams cover the horizon and you knew you should be getting up soon, or else you both would be late to school. What a bother. “Kyoko-chan,” you whispered, breath soft and warm in the crook of her neck. A hand gently rubbing the side of her ribcage that was accessible from your awkward angle. Kyoko laid comfortably curled up against you with her hands splayed over your stomach and tangled in your hair. Your leg was tossed over her hip and your toes curled when Kyoko hummed, dreaming sweetly. You called for her again and brought a hand up to caress her face, skimming a thumb over her plump lips. “Baby…” She whined in her sleep, a long, airy noise. You bit your lip. A devious, delicious idea comes to mind and you figure you have just enough time to carry through with it before you have to get ready to go to school- or at least you have time to start it. You leaned over and kissed Kyoko’s shoulder, bare from the thin straps of her silky pink slip, and nipped on it delicately. Kyoko’s breath hitched and you grinned. Slowly, you brought your hands up to brush the hair out of her face and to stroke her with. “Honey…” She still didn’t wake up. Honestly, this girl will be the death of you. With a heavy sigh, you went back to your plan of giving her unrelenting, adoring affection until she wakes. You planted soft, ticklish kisses all up her neck and when you got to her jawline you grazed her soft skin with your teeth. Kyoko made another sound in her sleep, though this time, just a little less innocent. She’s just too good. You curled a strand of her hair behind her ear and out of your way for you to breathe hotly, “Princess…” and she giggled. “Ah,” you said, “I knew you were just pretending.” Kyoko rolled over to face you completely, one hand hiked your leg higher up her hip, up to her waist, and the other hand brushed your own flyaways out of your eyes to she could see you better. “Of course I was. I wanted you to wake me up, like Sleeping Beauty!” “But you’re already my princess, Kyo-chan!” Her laughs and the sound of her joy light up the room. A stealthy arm wrapped around her waist to pull her closer. “You know what, baby?” She smiled. “What?” “When I marry you, on our wedding night, I just can’t wait to get into bed with you. Wait—I-I mean,” You stutter, not at all meaning to make an innuendo but making the best of it, “I already have you in my bed,” Kyoko rolls her eyes, “But I can’t wait to be married to you. It’ll be so sweet. We can wake up and kiss and make breakfast together, eat it on our porch, eat it in our garden. We can be so… domestic, y’know?” Birds sang in the distance and you could feel the refreshing breeze that came through the window on your back. Kyoko’s face, bathed in honey-golden sunlight with her eyes sparkling, was just enough to show that she was just as excited as you were about your future wedding. “I’ll make sure to grow lots of vegetables. You need to keep healthy, honey, I won’t tolerate you getting sick on me!” She scolded you teasingly, punctuating her words with a playful kiss on your nose. “And I,” you retorted, “will make sure that you eat all the cakes I bake for you. I gotta keep you sweet and soft somehow, right?” A delighted laugh meets your ears in response. “Yeah,” she said, “you better do that.” You sighed in content. You never got over how beautiful she was, no matter how long you gazed at her, no matter how many times you get lost in those orange-blossom eyes of hers, no matter how many times you kissed those cherry lips of hers, no matter how many times- “Hey!” She caught your attention. “What’re you doing?” Smirking, you yanked her closer with your leg wrapped around her waist until your hips meet and she gasped. “What aren’t I doing?” Before you had time to make another move, she held you by the nape of your neck and kissed you. Unlike most of her delicate kisses, this one is hotter, needier. It surprised you. No, it’s not even that needy- she’s just trying to prove to you that she can make the first move! Your heart swells with love at her dedication to make you happy, to make things...more interesting, in your relationship. You hummed happily into the kiss. That’s when Kyoko really took charge. Her hands traveled to the front of your sleep shirt and she started unbuttoning it. Wow. This was bold and you were enjoying this new side of Kyoko very much. She slid a well-manicured hand in the opening of your shirt and pressed her palm flat on your stomach. You jumped a little and yelped into the kiss- her hands were cold! As expected, she giggled a little as well, the little minx! Not willing to give up just yet, you squeezed her rear firmly and she bit your lip gently. Your hand- warm- slides up the back of her pretty pink slip and— “Kyoko-chan! Wake up! It’s time to get extremely ready for school!” Ryohei, Kyoko’s older brother with no sense of personal space, barged in the room and you had to pretend like you weren’t just swapping spit and getting hot and heavy with his little sister. “B-Big brother!” she shouted, yanking the fluffy duvet over the two of you until the only visible parts of you were from the chin up. “We’re in our pajamas! My best friend is in her pajamas!” “So?” Ryohei tilted his head in confusion. “So you can’t see her like this! She can’t get married if you do!” Kyoko yelled and threw a stuffed animal at the door. Ryohei shouted back how extremely sorry he is and that he will not affect your chances of getting married, for sure, so not to worry about that. You buried your head in Kyoko’s chest and screamed quietly in embarrassment. After that fiasco, Kyoko made sure to lock the door the next time you come over. You leaned on the sink in her bathroom, brushing your teeth with the toothbrush that you both decided would stay at her house since you sleep over so often. Next to you stands your girlfriend, already dressed in her school uniform and brushing out her short, caramel hair. She caught your eye in the mirror and bumps you with her hip; you bump her right back. You rinsed out your mouth and gave Kyoko a minty kiss on the lips. “Sorry I kissed you with my gross morning breath,” you said and straightened out the bow around her neck, “and sorry for making out with you and, like, grinding on you when your brother came in.” Those caramel locks of hers flew as she shook her head passionately. “No! It’s not your fault that happened. And I had gross morning breath too, so we’re even.” She grinned and playfully unbuttons your pajama shirt again. You raised an eyebrow; was she really going to go through with this? Right now? Well, you wouldn’t complain anyway. It would be worth coming to school late. You were a senior already anyway, so the school wouldn’t give you too much grief about being tardy. A pile of clothes smacked against your face, waking you from your daydreams. Kyoko was already walking out of the bathroom, a teasing sway in her hips as she closed the door behind her, leaving you alone to get dressed for the day. You grinned. What a minx. “I’ll see you later, Ryohei. Thanks for letting me stay over!” You bowed slightly to Ryohei. Sure, you’ve known him for years, but you can at least be polite if he was going to nearly catch you making out with his dearly beloved little sister. “I hope you two have an extremely good day!” he shouted and waved enthusiastically. Around his waist was a frilly pink apron that read “KISS THE COOK”. The door shut with an audible click. Ever since he graduated, he’s been staying at home during the day, doing domestic house chores and exercising. At night he took college classes which allowed you and Kyoko enough time to finish homework and cuddle up in front of the television without interruptions. Also it gave you more time to kiss. “Come on, let’s get going!” Kyoko started walking quickly, leaving you behind. “We can’t be late for school! Tsu-kun is probably waiting!” “Oh, he’ll be late anyway, Kyo-chan, what’s the rush?” You pressed a quick kiss to her cheek and slapped her behind lightly, turning her laugh to a gasp. “Oh!” she whispered, scandalously glancing around to make sure no neighbors saw that. “Don’t do that! We’re in public!” Her cheeks were burning brightly. Contrary to her scolding tongue, a smile graced her lips. Just when you were about to kiss those smiling lips, the door behind you slammed open again and a certain white-haired brother tumbled out of it, shouting. “Hey! You two!” Kyoko whipped around with a look of shock painted on her face. Ryohei held up two pretty boxes. “You forgot your lunches!” Ryohei shoved a bento into your arms and reeled a bit when he saw Kyoko’s face. With scrunched brows, he placed a hand over Kyoko’s forehead. “Sis, are you feeling alright? You’re pretty warm. You’re not…” he gasped, “extremely sick, are you?” “Aah, no, I’m...I’m fine,” Kyoko assured him. You smile faintly at her. Wind buffeted your hair and Kyoko reached down to make sure her skirt didn’t lift in the breeze. Another beautiful day in Namimori. If it wasn’t for school, you probably would be taking a walk in a park with Kyoko, or maybe even a trip to the zoo. She really loved watching the otters swim around. “Hey...Kyoko?” “Hmm?” “Do you not want people to know we’re dating?” Kyoko slowed her walking until she stood still. Her soft hair covered her eyes so you couldn’t judge her expression very well but her demeanor was frozen. “No,” she said, “it’s not that… It’s…” Kyoko trailed off and let her sentence be carried off by the wind. You slowly made your way to where she stood on the road and slid an arm around her neck, dropping your bag to the ground. “Hey,” you touch your forehead to hers, startling Kyoko so her eyes drifted up to yours. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. Don’t feel pressured or anything… If you’re not ready to tell everyone just yet, I can wait. I’ll wait forever if it’s for you, Kyo-chan,” you bumped your nose with hers and she giggled quietly. “I just want everyone to know that you’re mine~” She laughed again, “Don’t be ridiculous!” and shook her head. “There’s nobody that wants to steal me away from you, silly!” The two of you decided that it was time to start walking to school again. “Of course people want to date you! You’re cute, sweet, and really smart! Don’t you know you’re, like, the prettiest girl in school?!” You gawked at Kyoko’s humbleness, but what she was saying just wasn’t true! “Haven’t you seen how Tsuna looks at you?!” “Tsu-kun?” Kyoko put a finger to her chin in thought. “Hmm… No, I think you’re just imagining things!” You squinted at Kyoko’s inability to see how blatant Tsuna’s love for her was. Kyoko took your hand in hers and when you glanced over at her her face was beet-red. You smiled and started to swing your hands together. “Thank you…” she said. “For what?” “Just thanks…” You laughed. She could be so strange sometimes! “Hey!” A thin voice called out. When you turned around, you were greeted by the sight of Tsuna, Yamamoto, and Hayato jogging towards you and Kyoko. You felt her grip loosen until she let go of your hand completely. You didn’t realize how cold your hands were until you weren’t holding hers. “Hi, guys!” Kyoko chirped, voice as chipper as ever. They all responded with a greeting of their own and it didn’t take long for bickering between the boys to begin, and it took even less time for Tsuna to begin getting chatty with Kyoko. You smiled. Poor boy didn’t know your girlfriend was a lesbian. You didn’t realize the fighting between Gokudera and Yamamoto had ended until Gokudera was very close to your side and already speaking. You didn’t catch a word of his sentence. “Sorry, what?” “I said, ‘You and Kyoko are pretty close, aren’t you?’” Green eyes slyly met your own. “I don’t have a single clue, Gokudera-kun.” Despite your denial, you couldn’t keep your mouth from splitting in a wide, toothy grin. Gokudera snorted at your terrible acting. The sounds of the rest of the group turned to background noise. “You and Kyoko are dating, aren’t you?” Gokudera had a smug grin of his own on his face. It took everything you had to not break out in laughter where you were and collapse to the ground in stitches. “What do I look like,” you began, “a person that would date super cute girls and love them with all my heart?” Gokudera seemed to choke a bit at that but when he collected himself he agreed vehemently. You sighed in relief when the lunch bell rang— finally, a break from your classes. The halls were busy with students rushing out to buy food and drinks from the vending machines on the school’s perimeter while your own little group rushed up to the roof to eat in peace. Opening the door, you were temporarily blinded by the sun and heard Gokudera swear somewhere behind you. Yamamoto laughed and was promptly told to shut his trap while Tsuna tried (fruitlessly) to disband the two’s bickering. As you sat down between Yamamoto and Tsuna, you didn’t realize Kyoko wasn’t with you until you had already began to eat the bento Ryohei had packed for the two of you. Surprisingly, his food was quite good. You’d expect it to be burnt, with how fiery Ryohei’s personality was and how easily he was distracted, but his cooking skills had vastly improved from how they were the year before. He’d get a wife easily if he kept up that work. You told the gang you’d go looking for Kyoko real quick and Tsuna nodded, asking if he should come as well. “No,” you replied, “I’ll be just fine.” You didn’t miss Gokudera’s raised eyebrow and had to bite your tongue hard to keep from snickering. “Kyo-chan?” You weaved your way in and out of climbing vines with nearly ripe fruit hanging off, begging to be stolen, and did your best to not dirty your shoes in the soft dirt underfoot. The gardening club had been granted a pretty little space behind the school to do their activities, since the sports clubs used the front of the school grounds. Almost no one except the gardening club came back here. Almost. A lot of couples, you and Kyoko included, would come to make out by the tomatoes and sunflowers; the gardens were a very romantic place for teenagers to get hot and heavy with their lovers. “Kyo-chan? Are you here?” You spotted a head of ginger hair crouched on the cool cement under the shade of an old tree that bordered the gardens. Poor Kyo-chan. “Honey?” Kyoko lifted her head at your call and her lips were pouty and red from gnawing on them. You felt your brow furrow and you came to sit next to her, bringing an arm around her neck to tuck the hair behind her ear and to draw her in closer to you. “Hey,” You whisper. Kyoko leaned into your reclined body, “what’s going on?” She sighed and buried her face in the crook of your neck. You prodded her tummy with wriggling fingers and felt her laugh. “Don’t tickle me!” “I’ll stop when you tell me what’s bothering you!” “You’re so silly!” Kyoko beamed. Then her cheeriness faded and she let her head rest on your shoulder again. “I…” she whispered, “I want to tell people about us…about me and you… But I don’t know what to say… What if they don’t like us?” “Hey.” “…” “Hey,” you grabbed her gently by the shoulder and made her face you. Holding her chin with your fingers and brushing stray strands of hair out of her eyes, you could see the watery sheen they held. “Kyo-chan… There’s nothing to be afraid of. You’re not ashamed of me… are you?” At your timid question, Kyoko reeled back like she had been electrocuted. “Of course I’m not ashamed of you!” she nearly yelled. Her eyes widened when she heard just how loud she was and she leaned in and said quietly, “I’ll never be ashamed of you… I just wish it wasn’t so hard to—” “—come out?” Kyoko laughed, voice tired, and hummed in agreement. Her hand creeped into yours and she softly squeezed your palm and played with your fingers. “Don’t worry, princess, you don’t have to do a thing if you don’t want to. It takes time, y’know? You can’t just decide to tell everyone you know something so personal in a day. It can take a long time… some people never do it. Just—” you coughed, not used to saying such emotionally-wrought things so early in the morning. Heck, at any time of day— Kyoko was always the one that was good with emotions in your relationship. “—just know that everyone loves you. If you’re worried about something changing with the guys, or with your family, don’t be. What’s this, the sixties? Everyone’s a little gay, Kyoko—” Kyoko burst out in a fit of uncontrollable laughter at your comment. “—okay, fine, not everyone, but a lot of people are! Including me and you~” you nuzzled your nose on Kyoko’s rosy cheeks and nipped her ear when she turned away from your ticklish affections. “I think you mean especially us- and not just a little bit, a lot!” Kyoko swished her finger in the air like he was making a point— and she was, a very, very valid one. She turned around and held your face firmly in her small hands as she planted lots of kisses over your face until you were in happy tears, begging her to stop and let you catch a breath! She rolled off you onto the ground, seemingly uncaring of the whiteness shirt or maybe she just forgot how dusty the concrete by the gardens were. “Baby, we should be heading back to the boys now, what do you think? You don’t want them to suspect anything, right? Actually,” you snorted in a way that Kyoko found cute (it was really wasn’t, though), “Gokudera already knows.” “What?” Kyoko gasped. “Yeah. I guess he knows from growing up with his sister. She’s so hot, I don’t doubt she had a lot of lovers, same gendered or not.” Rolling your eyes, you tried to imagine Bianchi with a woman. It was extremely easy to imagine her having a woman as a lover. You giggled, feeling like you had a secret that no one else knew. “Hey!” Kyoko whined, “Are you imagining other women? I’m right here!” Kyoko pouted. Just as you were going to apologize and explain to her what you found so funny when Kyoko surprised you yet again. “You don’t even have to imagine with me! Just do it!” And Kyoko kissed you hard on the mouth. With a little more teeth than you were used to, but Kyoko seemed to really enjoy taking charge recently. It was nice. She carded her hands through your hair and tilted your head back by your hair so she could get a better angle. You kissed her back with tenderness, content in having her in your arms. Kyoko had something else in mind, though. Crawling into your lap, her weight on you was also a bonus of her trying to pry a better kiss out of you. You lost yourself in the softness of her lips and the nip of her teeth when she changed the angle of her neck, and just the slightest hint of her smooth tongue skimming your bottom lip and— “K-Kyoko-chan?!” You pull away from Kyoko with tousled hair and swollen lips to see Tsuna standing— well, fallen, really, on the ground a few feet away from the two of you. Kyoko still perched on your lap, your mind drew a blank when you tried to think of an escape plan and an explanation, short of throwing Kyoko into the garden and pretending like nothing happened. Tsuna’s face was red as hot iron and he was probably as heated as it too as he stammered, “W-We were wondering if something happened to you two, s-since you were gone so long and Gokudera-kun said to go looking for you but… I-I can go, actually, right n-now—” “Wait!” Kyoko yelled, her face buried in your chest. You could feel an awkward bead of sweat rolling down the side of your neck… Why was she telling him to stay with her head shoved in your chest? Truly, it was a strange turn of events and Kyoko wasn’t making your situation look any more innocent… “I’m in love, Tsu-kun!” “E-Eh?” “That’s right!” Kyoko picked up your hands and held them tightly in hers, “I’m in love with a girl! I don’t care what you think either; we are absolutely perfect together and I love her very much! Our love is pure, organic, and beautiful!” Kyoko’s eyes burned with a passion you could only assume to be prevalent throughout the Sasagawa family as she announced her love for you to your dear friend. Your lip quivered and tears began to fog your vision. Happy they were, but you blinked hard to clear them. An event as important as this meant you couldn’t miss a single second of it. “Um,” Tsuna began, keeping his eyes level with Kyoko’s gaze even as his face burned, “That’s not a problem at all? I mean, I’m happy for both of you, but you didn’t have to hide it or anything… I’m just… surprised, that’s all.” Kyoko took a second to process that and during the awkward silence that followed, Tsuna shuffled his feet. Kyoko still hadn’t moved from your lap… Really, it was making this situation more trying than it needed to be… “C-Can I go now?” Tsuna sheepishly asked for permission. Kyoko nodded slowly and Tsuna practically sprinted away from the sight of his long-time crush making out with her best friend. You couldn’t blame him. The look on Kyoko’s face gave you a clear view to all the machinery working in her mind, every gear and cog rotating, still trying to understand what just happened. “Oh,” she finally said. “That was a little easier than I thought.” “You girls are such terrible actors,” Gokudera said with a cigarette hanging out the corner of his mouth, his hands upturned in a show of dramatic disappointment. “Really? I had no idea! I think you could make it to Hollywood! Haha, invite me to lots of award shows, I want to meet famous celebrities~” Yamamoto laughed and opposed Gokudera’s opinion. He smiled and went on about how he was just going to help a friend ask the both of you on a date. Good thing he didn’t, Yamamoto chimed. “Shut up, baseball freak,” grumbled Gokudera, already drained of Yamamoto’s presence in your friend group. “Whaaat? Ah, you’re so mean, Gokudera-kun!” Yamamoto teased and playfully hit Gokudera’s shoulder, resulting in another fight between the two opposites. Kyoko leaned into you as the five of you walked home, going through a nearby shopping mall to get a bite to eat first. Your arm was wrapped around her waist and pulling her in close. Both of your hips bumped with each step but it was only a mild annoyance—a trade off in exchange for being able to openly adore your girlfriend. “How do you like this?” “I love it,” Kyoko smiled and nuzzled into your neck, causing you to jump and smack her lightly with your schoolbag. A loud commotion sounded from a grocery store to your left. A young man in a white apron yelled into a crowd about the store’s outrageously cheap deals of the month and flocks of mothers held crumpled coupons in their waving fists. The air smelled like grilled meat and the small food stands outside the grocery store must have been making a fortune off of the hungry shoppers. Suddenly, a familiar turf top came into view, much more weary than he was this morning and carrying a ridiculous amount of brown paper bags, overflowing with his purchases. “Big brother!” Kyoko said in surprise. Ryohei made a similar greeting when he noticed how close you two were, and Kyoko took notice of it as well— she didn’t shy away but you could feel heat creeping up her neck. Ryohei’s eyes widened for a second before he broke out in a grin that reached his ears. “Aah, you’re finally together? I’m extremely happy for you!” Ryohei’s explosive personality returned and he beamed brightly, murmurs of agreement echoing faintly within your friend group as well. “E-eh?” Reeling back in confusion, Kyoko blinked and tilted her head, “You knew?” Of course Kyoko was shocked; she went through every precaution to make sure that her romantic relationship with her best friend was a secret! The bags in Ryohei’s arms crinkled as he shook his head at Kyoko’s naivety. “Do you think I really wouldn’t be able to tell when my precious baby sister was in love? I’m not that dull, Kyoko-chan!” he guffawed. Laughter bubbled up in your stomach, growing and growing until you were in peels of laughter, wiping happy tears from your eyes. The two of you never needed to hide anyway! While you were busy laughing until your stomach hurt, you didn’t notice that Kyoko had dropped her school bag until she spun you by the shoulders and kissed you. All of her fear melted away like ice and her overflowing joy infected you, breaking the kiss through your ecstatic giggles. Her pretty honey eyes were shining with mirthful tears and she rested her forehead on yours, smiling softly all the while she told you, “I love you.” Faintly, you heard the loud voice of a certain boxer who did a terrible job of hiding his fondness for the two of you yell, “Hey, you two should extremely get a room!”

[kyungpom]

Allure Korea December Issue Interview

D.O. and Doh Kyungsoo. It doesn’t matter which name he goes by but he is always a consistent person. Whether it’s a public broadcast or a variety shows, and during interviews too, he always carry a calm aura and a humble attitude that is different from other artists. In short, he’s someone who tightly hid his passion inside of his chest, and he brought that passion out when he is on the stage or acting. That’s why he always has a powerful energy in the stage and the screen. However, that Doh Kyungsoo is quite different right now. His posture that is always eager to learn and his shy voice that showed a humble rookie actor persona, now has a little more strength. He clearly showed his confidence that he talked without any hesitation about the fun movie he is playing. It is truly a work of art seeing how the quiet Doh Kyungsoo changed. ‘Swing Kids’ is Director Kang Hyeongcheol newest work where Doh Kyungsoo took on the role of Roh Kisoo. In Doh Kyungsoo’s world, he is the best friend with a cheerful face that showcased tap dance moves. Is it the body that move first? actor Doh Kyungsoo felt the tak-tak-tak sounds like a beat in his heart.

Q. We meet again in December after 2 years. In this season, there are people who are feeling down but there are also many people who are cheerful about it. Which sides are you on? A. I don’t think I belong to any type like that. Rather than thinking about how a year has gone by, I’ve just been naturally spending it by being busy that when I look at it, a new year is about to come (laughs).

Q. This time too, we meet you as an actor. Are there many changes that happened? A. In two years….I filmed ‘Brother’ and after that ‘With God’, I also did activities as EXO and go on concerts too. I think I’ve been running without rest. I’ve learned the needed skills in terms of acting and also know-how on the filming set. I also learned a lot on how to adjust my (body) condition.

Q. It looks like you’ve been so busy to the point of being asleep right away when you close your eyes? A. There are really moments like that! It’s my first time filming a drama and the schedule is very different from a movie. Whenever I’m going to the filming set, I make sure to eat vitamins. I also adjusted my sleeping time, at that time I could sleep only by laying my head. I wonder if it’s because I have grown accustomed to such habits that when the drama filming ended and I don’t have to go for filming anymore, it felt really weird. It feels like I have to do something. Right now I have adjusted my body back and I’ve been sleeping well.

Q. It’s really hard to believe it though? especially since two days ago you go straight for a comeback with EXO’s ‘Tempo’ A. Haha! Honestly in preparing for the comeback I haven’t been sleeping much.

Q. It seems like you’ve always been busy during end of the year. During the end of this year, EXO is making their comeback after 400 days and you also have ‘Swing Kids’ movie coming up right? It looks like it will be a special year-end for you. A. I think it’s very special to me. I’m so happy and thankful towards the unexpected result of ‘100 Days Husband’. EXO is also getting very good result right now. I don’t know how it will be for ‘Swing Kids’ but I hope it will gain a lot of love.

Q. We usually see your humble side that sometimes feel a little bit tight, but now you’re being really confident? A. I have great confidence on ‘Swing Kids’. I always played a dark character in all my projects until now and this time through ‘Roh Kisoo’ I can show a new side of me. It doesn’t mean that I acted really well but because I really had fun during the filming, so I think the audience could also feel the positive energy.

Q. Even though EXO’s comeback and ‘Swing Kids’ appear on the same time but the preparation (for Swing Kids) has been done for a long time. Do you remember the day you go for the first filming? A. It was a 6-month filming and the first filming was done at a reed field. It was a scene where Kisoo and a character name Kidong showed their happy feelings by joking with each other. The first filming ended in a simple way. It was a one take of a wide scenery. It started by filming us coming out from the reed forest, I’m happy that it finished quickly in 1 to 2 hour (laughs). When I go back to Seoul, it was night already.

Q. Where does ‘Swing Kids’ knocked Doh Kyungsoo? A. Our director read the book first, and we always looked the scenario together you know. The director told me that ‘you must read this scenario’ and when I read it, I really like it. When I meet the director for the first time, he said he’s going to make a film that will make your heart race, and that kind of feeling really came. Even when I’m just reading the script, my heart goes fluttering like ‘kkungkwang kkungkwang’, it was a powerful scenario like an overflowing energy. I wanted to play the character, and the scenario is really great too.

Q. We’re told that this movie has tap dance as the main point. Can we call this movie as a dance movie? A. It is a dance movie, and it’s also a story about people. I think there are many things that goes into the story. There’s a musical feeling inside it, and also a topic that make your heart race, it’s a perfectly complex movie.

Q. Personally, what message do you feel (from the movie)? A. I feel like this movie is giving me a question of ‘What is the most essential thing in life. And what is that important thing’. I think the movie clearly conveyed that message.

Q. As an idol, you have shown many performances, and although you’re a vocalist member but you also dance, wouldn’t that make you easier to process the character? A. My heart feels like that but in the dance aspect, it’s completely the opposite. The reason is because tap dance is a completely different genre. Of course the rhythm and steps that I have learned helped me but while doing tap dancing my body become completely stiff. I don’t think of tap dancing as a dance but as playing a musical instrument. It’s because of this (stomping his feet) the sound of feet hitting the floor has no connection with dancing. It feels like I’m learning to play a musical instrument for the first time.

Q. Just like when you were filming the video earlier, your face looked so happy when stomping your feet? A. At first, I could only do this, there a few routine of kwang! kwang! kwang! kwang! (hitting the floor using right and left foot). I did that routine regularly first and keep practicing it. I want to make my feet produce a regular beat but it doesn’t work well. And even when I used my hand a lot my foot wouldn’t follow that. It’s really heard to create a rhythm using your feet. When concentrating to tap dance music, my upper body becomes a mess. Every person have their own specific posture, some people concentrated only on their feet and they keep their upper body calm, while for me I keep bending two of my fingers. Because the pose is not straighten up, it become difficult. When my feet as become comfortable with tap dance then my posture would be natural, but it took a really long time to get comfortable for it.

Q. From what moment do you feel the excitement from doing that? A. As I practiced it, it suddenly become exciting. And there’s an advantage from it too. While performing on the stage, I sprained my ankle once so the condition of my ankle isn’t that good. But tap dancing routine has a lot of similarity with the exercise I did when I did rehabilitation for my ankle. This time, the song ‘Tempo’ has high dance difficulties but I never hurt my ankle for once, so it become a lot of help to me. I also need to lose my weight, and since tap dancing is like an aerobic exercise I naturally lose a lot of weight. And in between that since I learned the intonation north korean accent from the teacher.

Q. It seems like you feel the freedom that Roh Kisoo feel from tap dancing A. What’s really good from tap dancing is that you can make rhythm using your feet by yourself without any music, when you turned off the light and you practiced alone, the sound it produce is very charming. I usually stood still, but now I have a habit of stomping my feet to the ground.

Q. How do you approach to get the emotion needed for the character? A. I put a lot of effort in order to relate to the role. I watched the actors on the set, and naturally falls into it. I feel like on the set I naturally understand the character from receiving and giving energy with other characters. Kisoo is a character that has a high curiosity and sense of justice, I wanted to focus on that so the Director told me to look at other actors in the eyes while acting. I especially put attention on the emotion about the older brother role. Since I also have a real brother who is three year older than me, I try to be a young brother who wouldn’t be a burden for him. It’s not easy to get the emotion of getting difficult because of the older brother.

Q. Are you the type to get affected by the filming set’s mood ? A. Yes, I’m the type who really get influenced by the filming set.

Q. There’s a rumor that the Dir. Kang really care about you. A. Haha! I really filmed this project happily with the director at the filming set. The director is the type that give detailed and delicate direction. There are many times when me and the director can communicate even without speaking a single world. I understand it when he said ’How if we do it like this?’. There are many parts where we share the same mind, so there are barely no big differences of opinion between us.

Q. Personally, how do you see Director Kang as a person? A. He is very delicate. I think he is the most delicate director out of all directors that I’ve met. Director Kim Yonghwa from ‘With God’ is also really good that we filmed without having to discuss much. With Director Kang, he pointed out each and every emotions and actions, and gave detailed directions on things I never thought before. We relied on each other a lot at the filming set.

Q. In ‘Brother’ there are two leads, but this time you are a sole lead actor in the movie. Does it become a big burden to you? A. I received a lot of help from the people around me. The director, Oh Jungse hyung, actor Kim Minho, and Park Hyesu also helped me a lot. If it weren’t like that it would have been difficult.

Q. The public first know this movie through your hairstyle, ‘D.O. shaved his head bald because of a movie’. You cut your hair quite fast. A. It was because Roh Kisoo is a prisoner of war, so I had to do it. I shaved my hair without many thoughts. When cutting it, I did it on my own. It was much comfortable that way, after three days of the hair has grown back so I keep cutting it. That’s why I always carried a hair shaver and did it by myself.

Q. In that case, this is the first movie that doesn’t need a hair stylist in the filming set! A. It really is like that, it was really comfortable. Honestly, I want to cut it too right now (laughs). A short hair is comfortable, and because it’s too comfortable I keep wanting to cut my hair.

Q. There’s always a point to be taken, I watched EXO concert and you were also calm back then. It doesn’t look A. like you’re a different D.O., your consistency is impressive. A. Do you really came to the concert? Haha. It cannot be helped because during ment, the members talked a lot. Because they did it so naturally that I become quiet. And it was also because I usually don’t talk much too.

Q. But isn’t your role this time has a high tension? How do you maintain that kind of mood? A. It really has a high tension! But there are parts like that inside of me, when I’m with my friends or close friends, that kind of personality also came out. That’s why while I’m acting I feel good and enjoyed it. It relieved my stress. A job of an actor is continuously playing as different character and living another person’s life. As I experienced that, I found it very charming.

Q. Which character you enjoyed the most so far? Since your rookie actor days, you have played many interesting character. Starting from taeyoung in ‘Cart’. A. It’s Roh Kisoo. To me Roh Kisoo who did everything he wanted without hesitation is the best character. Before that it’s Han Kangwoo from ‘It’s Okay It’s Love’. To meet that kind of character isn’t easy, I have a really good luck.

Q. Your recent drama ‘100 Days Husband’ is a success. There’s an increase of Actor Doh Kyungsoo and Wondeuk’s fans. A. Haha… I don’t know about that for sure. After I finished the drama I practiced in the practice room, and then I have schedules so I haven’t had the chance to feel it. I tried a 2 role in 1 person, and have fun with fellow actors that we had endless laugh in the filming set.

Q. There’s the memorable line of ‘is it only me who’s feeling uncomfortable?’, so what make you feel really uncomfortable in real life? For example, during official schedules ment you always said ‘We will be EXO who is polite’. Do you find impoliteness to be uncomfortable? A. It’s not because I don’t like impoliteness but it’s because my personality is the type that doesn’t like to become a burden to other person so I thought a lot about being polite. For example, on the living room where me and members jointly used together, I don’t like it if laundry is being thrown away, it’s simple things like that. I like it if we help one another.

Q. Looking from that, it seems like you nag a lot in EXO? A. I do nag a lot (laughs), I did that a lot to the members, and also people who are close to me.

Q. Personally, what message do you feel (from the movie)? A. I feel like this movie is giving me a question of ‘What is the most essential thing in life. And what is that important thing’. I think the movie clearly conveyed that message.

Q. From a mountains of scenarios, what are the one thing that you would find the most important? A. I get attracted a lot to projects that deliver a clear message and have a humanism scent. When I’m watching movies too, I really liked the movie ‘First Man’ that I recently watched.

Q. When do you feel that you have grown as an actor? A. I feel that I have developed when I’m not nervous at the filming set. When I started acting, I got really nervous, so there are instances where I forgot all the scripts I have memorised. I prepared a lot but when the filming start my head wen blank. Of course there are moments like that happening recently too but back then it was really because of nervousness. Right now I’m just naturally enjoying it. I think I feel the most developed at the filming set until now.

Q. You are always humble just like a rookie actor, but actually you are a veteran entertainer and artist. What makes your heart jump like back then? A. Work. To me I think it’s always work. There are many times when my heart beat fast when I’m working. Also, when I’m working with people I’m close with there are a lot of fights, sadness, and happiness. When I had that kind of emotions I feel like I’m alive.

Q. If you can only invite three people to the premiere, who do you want to invite? A. My family, (SM Ent) director, and also EXO members of course, I’d like it if they can come. So three seats is not enough. I hope they can relate to the movie message just like the audience. If the members said they liked the movie I’d be happy beyond words.

Q. Are you guys the type to give feedback of each other’s activities? A. Of course, recently Jongdae sang the OST and he made me listen to the guide. Since I think the song really fit him, I’d be very thankful if he would do it so I asked him. Jongdae ended up singing it and the song is very good. Just like that, we share many stories to each other, the members are the type to talk a lot about individual activities with each other.

Q. As a musician, what dream do you have? A. I think that someday, there will be time where I can do the music that I want to do. Although I don’t know when it will be, because I like music I think of wanting to compose and write a song by myself, and sing the song that I made. A song is also a form of an art. I want to convey my own story someday.

Q. What kind of story would that be? A. A song is something that you listen to when you are happy or sad. It would be a song with a lyric and melody that can give consolation. A song that is comfortable to listen to.

Q. In EXO album there are many memorable songs with medium tempo. Your voice sounds nice to the ear in that kind of songs. Do you have any thought of a solo song? A. I really like EXO’s winter album or our medium tempo song that is sung slowly! About a solo song, I do have desire about it. I also sang by myself at the concert, but since right now I’m promoting the album and the movie, so I want to try it when I have more free time.

Q. Last year, you received the Blue Dragon rookie actor award for the movie ‘Brother’. Although you received many awards as EXO, but this one might feel different. How do you feel about that? A. It is different. Because it’s an award that you can receive once in a lifetime when I received it my mind went blank. I still remember it vividly to this day, because of the concert that day I couldn’t attend the award. During the ending ment of the concert the news came out through the inner ear ‘D.O. received the male rookie actor award from Blue Dragon Film Award’ and my mind went blank. After that I shared my winning speech in that spot, it was very meaningful.

Q. In ‘Swing Kids’ when do you feel the most nervous as an actor? A. It’s the production presentation. Because it’s the day where people who liked movies came to watch and give their judgement about the movie. It’s the place where the movie is shown for the first time, and because movie lovers are watching it I’m curious about their thoughts. I feel the most nervous at that time.

Q. Have you ever watched a movie in between the audience? A. I haven’t, I think I will try it for once during ‘Swing Kids’ this time. I never thought about it before.

Q. Which movie cinema are you planning to visit? I will tell the audience to look closely for someone who’s wearing a hat. A. Haha! Wouldn’t it be the nearest COEX cinema?

Q. What do you want to say to yourself on the last day of this year? A. You’ve persevered in good healthily. Please keep surviving healthily. I think those are enough.

Q. We keep meeting in December, if we can meet in another season, which one would you like? A. May. March, April, and May are spring but it’s still cold until April (laughs). So it’s May. I think it be really good with the warm colour.

interview scan by @0nlydks repost / translating to other language is permitted with credit @dyororo_