#just have black dahlias and hosts left to do. my god.

[harlequinoccult]

fuckign. I'm almost done with the (hopefully) first wave of nsfw shorts. holy fuck.

[duckiereads]

#Miraculous May Round Up Week 1

I saw that @booksandrandomfandoms was hosting a Miraculous May Book Photo Challenge and I thought this would be a really easy way for me to do my weekly posts while I have some personal stuff on top of my thesis. I'm doing weekly round-ups of photos because I can't be trusted to do daily anything. :')

Summaries for Single Books are from Publisher/Author sites. I didn't include summaries for the group photos to keep the post from getting longer than it already was.

If any of these interest you and if you are able, please support your favorite independent bookstores when purchasing these and other books!

05/01: SPOTS ON! - TBR

Books Pictured (From Left to Right):

Comics and Sequential Art - Will Eisner

Ninth House - Leigh Bardugo

Chasing Shadows - Swati Avasthi

On Beauty - Zadie Smith

The Starless Sea - Erin Morgenstern

The Black Veins - Ashia Monet

Mooncakes - Wendy Xu and Suzanne Walker

The Good Luck Girls - Charlotte Nicole Davis

Drawing Words and Writing Pictures by

Odd One Out - Nic Stone

On Bottom Shelf:

Isiah Dunn is My Hero - Kelly Baptist

His Hideous Heart - Edited: Dahlia Adler

05/02: Tikki - Bug on the Cover

The Virtue of Sin by Shannon Schuren

Note: the current paperback edition does NOT use this cover

Miriam lives in New Jerusalem, a haven in the desert far away from the sins and depravity of the outside world. Within the gates of New Jerusalem, and under the eye of its founder and leader, Daniel, Miriam knows she is safe. Cared for. Even if she’s forced, as a girl, to quiet her tongue when she has thoughts she wants to share, Miriam knows that New Jerusalem is a far better life than any alternative. So when God calls for a Matrimony, she’s thrilled; she knows that Caleb, the boy she loves, will choose her to be his wife and they can finally start their life together. But when the ceremony goes wrong and Miriam winds up with someone else, she can no longer keep quiet. For the first time, Miriam begins to question not only the rules that Daniel has set in place, but also what it is she believes in, and where she truly belongs. Alongside unexpected allies, Miriam fights to learn–and challenge–the truth behind the only way of life she’s ever known, even if it means straying from the path of Righteousness.

05/04: Plagg - Sly Characters

Dangerous Girls by Abigail Haas

Friends for life. Or death. Spring break. Aruba. Swimming, sunshine, and golden beaches. It was supposed to be the best time of Anna’s life. Paradise. But then the unthinkable happens. Anna’s best friend is found brutally murdered. And when the local police begin to investigate the gruesome crime, suspicion falls on one person—Anna. They think she’s dangerous, and they’re determined to prove her guilt. With the police and media sparking a witch-hunt against her, Anna is running out of time to prove her innocence. But as she digs deeper into her friend’s final moments, she finds a tangled web of secrets, lies and betrayal. Will she clear her name in time?

Note: This book is now published as "I'll Never Tell."

05/04: Sass - Do Over

Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver

Samantha Kingston has it all: the world's most crush-worthy boyfriend, three amazing best friends, and first pick of everything at Thomas Jefferson High—from the best table in the cafeteria to the choicest parking spot. Friday, February 12, should be just another day in her charmed life. Instead, it turns out to be her last. Then she gets a second chance. Seven chances, in fact. Reliving her last day during one miraculous week, she will untangle the mystery surrounding her death—and discover the true value of everything she is in danger of losing.

Note: When I got this book signed, Lauren Oliver looked at me and asked: Have you read this book? And I told her yes. She let out a relieved sigh. "Okay," she said, "cause if you hadn't, I usually give a warning that Sam starts out as a major bitch and sometimes people don't like her because of that and I wanted to make sure you were prepared." Reader, this is your warning. :'D

05/05: Daizzi - Pink Books

Books Pictured (From Top to Bottom):

The Princess Diaries - Meg Cabot

The Merciless - Danielle Vega

Queens of Geek - Jenn Wilde

Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

Everything Leads to You - Nina LaCour

Pride - Ibi Zoboi

Only to Good Spy Young - Ally Carter

I'm Not Your Manic Pixie Dream Girl - Gretchen McNeil

05/06: Trixx - Shape Shifters

Red Hood - Elana K Arnold

You are alone in the woods, seen only by the unblinking yellow moon. Your hands are empty. You are nearly naked. And the wolf is angry. Since her grandmother became her caretaker when she was four years old, Bisou Martel has lived a quiet life in a little house in Seattle. She’s kept mostly to herself. She’s been good. But then comes the night of homecoming, when she finds herself running for her life over roots and between trees, a fury of claws and teeth behind her. A wolf attacks. Bisou fights back. A new moon rises. And with it, questions. About the blood in Bisou’s past and on her hands as she stumbles home. About broken boys and vicious wolves. About girls lost in the woods—frightened, but not alone.

05/07: Akuma - Plot Twist

Plot twist or expert reveal, I don't care. My jaw was on the ground when I finished this one.

Warcross - Marie Lu

For the millions who log in every day, Warcross isn’t just a game—it’s a way of life. The obsession started ten years ago and its fan base now spans the globe, some eager to escape from reality and others hoping to make a profit. Struggling to make ends meet, teenage hacker Emika Chen works as a bounty hunter, tracking down Warcross players who bet on the game illegally. But the bounty-hunting world is a competitive one, and survival has not been easy. To make some quick cash, Emika takes a risk and hacks into the opening game of the international Warcross Championships—only to accidentally glitch herself into the action and become an overnight sensation. Convinced she’s going to be arrested, Emika is shocked when instead she gets a call from the game’s creator, the elusive young billionaire Hideo Tanaka, with an irresistible offer. He needs a spy on the inside of this year’s tournament in order to uncover a security problem . . . and he wants Emika for the job. With no time to lose, Emika’s whisked off to Tokyo and thrust into a world of fame and fortune that she’s only dreamed of. But soon her investigation uncovers a sinister plot, with major consequences for the entire Warcross empire.

05/08: Fluff - Time Travel

The Girl from Everywhere - Heidi Heilig

Nix’s life began in Honolulu in 1868. Since then she has traveled to mythic Scandinavia, a land from the tales of One Thousand and One Nights, modern-day New York City, and many more places both real and imagined. As long as he has a map, Nix’s father can sail his ship, The Temptation, to any place, any time. But now he’s uncovered the one map he’s always sought—1868 Honolulu, before Nix’s mother died in childbirth. Nix’s life—her entire existence—is at stake. No one knows what will happen if her father changes the past. It could erase Nix’s future, her dreams, her adventures . . . her connection with the charming Persian thief, Kash, who’s been part of their crew for two years. If Nix helps her father reunite with the love of his life, it will cost her her own.

05/09: Xuppu - Yellow Books

Books Listed from (Top to Bottom)

Mirage - Somaiya Daud

Permanent Record - Mary H.K. Choi

The Deadly Sister - Eliot Schrefer

Star Wars: Queen's Shadow - E. K. Johnston

05/10: Pollen - Books and Nature

The Tea Dragon Society - Katie O'Neill

From K. O'Neill, the award-winning author of Princess Princess Ever After comes THE TEA DRAGON SOCIETY, the beloved and charming all-ages book that follows the story of Greta, a blacksmith apprentice, and the people she meets as she becomes entwined in the enchanting world of tea dragons. After discovering a lost tea dragon in the marketplace, Greta learns about the dying art form of tea dragon care-taking from the kind tea shop owners, Hesekiel and Erik. As she befriends them and their shy ward, Minette, Greta sees how the craft enriches their lives—and eventually her own.

And that's a wrap on this week's post! I forgot how fun it was to take book photos! I may even go put these on instagram! <3

[urwarriorangel]

old friend (klaus mikaelson au)

plot: you and klaus used to be best friends. and then, of course, you fell for him but he fell for caroline and left to new orleans to worry about his hybrid army. after a particularly concerning dream, you decide to see what he’s up to now.

pairing: klaus mikaelson x reader

warnings: language, slight angst (!!!no gifs r mine!!!)

a/n: here is another segment in my dream series! thank you all for being here still even though i don’t deserve you. i really hope you guys enjoy this short klaus piece. there’s a bit of marcel and elijah thrown in for good measure. if you guys want to read any other dream fics, please click anywhere in this sentence to access them <3 please let me know what you think

Klaus has been in New Orleans for five years now, and he’s made no effort to contact you in that time. The two of you were best of friends and for a brief moment, you thought you could be more. But it’s like Klaus sensed your hope and shattered it right before he left town. He hooked up with Caroline and paraded the fact in front of you, leaving Mystic Falls the next day without telling you a thing.

Since then, you’ve heard nothing from him, getting only second hand accounts from friends who’ve run into him at odd times.

You still thought of him, of course you did. But he couldn’t be bothered with you and you’d understood that quickly. You made no effort to contact him, to travel and see him, to hurt him. You just left everything alone, but you don’t think you can do that anymore.

A couple nights ago, you had a terrible nightmare: Klaus was in chains, a dagger in his chest as he screamed out in pain. He screamed your name, as though he was calling out to you. He was crying out your name repeatedly, apologizing, it felt too real to be a dream. When he reached a hand out to grab you, you physically felt it and that’s what woke you up.

Since then, he clouds your every waking thought and you go to sleep hoping to see him again. And when two nights pass with no other sign of Klaus, you grow oddly fearful. Is he okay? Was that actually him trying to reach out to you? Are you thinking too much into this?

Probably. But it’s too late. It’s too late to turn back now. You’re already in New Orleans. You’re not quite sure how to find him, but you figure if you spend a day in the quarter you should run into him or one of his siblings.

And sure enough, you run into Elijah about ten minutes after being in the Quarter. You don’t see him at first. You’re facing the counter of a souvenir shop, laughing at all the crocodile paraphernalia.

“Y/N,” you hear a familiar voice behind you and shivers run down your spine, half in fear and half in relief.

“Lijah,” you turn around to face him, a tentative smile on your face. “It’s been a while.”

“That’s an understatement,” his worries all melt away and a smile makes its way onto his face as soon as you look at him. “Come here.”

You smile and tuck yourself into his arms, sighing softly as you think back to the last time you hugged him: a much more apologetic version of this man, constantly apologizing for his brother’s mistakes.

“How have you been, sunshine?” He pulls away after a moment and tucks your hair behind your ear, waiting to hear about your life the past few years.

“I’ve been okay, Elijah. Still alive. Still human as ever. How are you?”

“How are we? Don’t you mean how is he?” He raises a brow at you and you shake your head.

“Tell me about yourself. We can talk about Klaus some other time.” He looks at you skeptically but gives a slight nod and holds an arm out to lead you out of the shop.

Once you’re out, he tells you about life in New Orleans. He tells you about Marcel, talks about how much Hope has grown, about Kol coming back and dying and coming back, about Rebecca finding comfort in a new body, about his newfound sister, about Aunt Dahlia and his mom, about Davina and Vincent, about Cami. He caught you up on everything and by the time he was done, you were standing in front of a massive mansion.

“What’s this?” You whisper and one look at Elijah’s face had you regretting ever stepping out with him. “Lijah, no. No.”

“Y/N, yes. It’s been too long and you’re here for a reason,” he places his hands on your shoulders in an attempt to calm you. “Klaus could use an old friend right now, you--”

“Get your hand off of me,” you pull your arm out of his and take a step back, angry tears that you’ve been holding back for five years jumping in your eyes.begging to find a way down your cheeks. “You know who else could have used an old friend? Me. I could have used a friend when Klaus paraded Caroline in front of me, when he left Mystic Falls without telling me, when he didn’t bother to call me once: not on my birthday, not after I almost died, not when the heretics tortured me. And I had no one. I was alone, Elijah. So don’t feed me crap about how Klaus needs someone. Klaus always had someone: he always had me. Not anymore. I just needed to know he was alive. Now that I do, I’m going to head back home.”

Elijah opens his mouth to speak, but you shake your head and stop him. You wipe your tears and back away, slowly finding your way back to the Quarter. How could you be so foolish as to think Elijah would be on your side?

So here you are at some bar named Rousseau’s with a couple drinks already in you and a couple more on their way. You’re holding off on getting completely black out drunk because there’s a guy standing in the doorway who won’t take his eyes off you.

He’s been staring at you since you walked in and you wish you could say it was the way you wanted him to. He’s beautiful: a full 6 feet of glorious brown skin chiseled by the gods themselves. Based on what Elijah’s filled you in on and the stories Klaus told you some odd years ago, you assume the man is Marcel. And while every fiber in you is screaming, telling you that you should be scared of this man, you ignore them. Maybe getting hurt by a man this beautiful was exactly what you needed. So you get your slightly tipsy ass up and walk over to the man, whose expression remains the same.

“I’m assuming you’re Marcel?” You stop a foot in front of him and he raises a brow at you. “Klaus and Elijah have both managed to fill me in on your… history. Something about you being Klaus’s protege and now his nemesis?”

“Well, sweetheart, nemesis isn’t exactly the right word,” he smirks and this time you raise your brows at him.

“No? Then what is? I’ve heard you’ve caused quite a ruckus down here with the way you rule, witch hangings of some sort or the other?” You whisper the last part and he narrows his eyes at you, causing you to smirk in return. “Hey, I’ve also heard those things are in the past. Now you’re just the most powerful being in New Orleans.”

“Oh, so you’re pretty up to date then, huh?” You shrug in response and he chuckles softly. “You’re Y/N. I’ve heard a lot about you, you used to be Klaus’s little play thing didn’t you?”

“I was never his little play thing, never managed to capture his attention,” you give Marcel a pointed look. “If you’re gonna go low, baby, know I can go lower. I’m not scared of you.”

“No? Then why are you shaking?”

“It’s really fucking cold in here,” you shiver and Marcel can’t help but laugh at you. “You folks have no understanding of moderation, it’s either way too hot or way too cold, I mean--” Marcel’s laughing gets louder and you smack his arm, shaking your head. “I’m serious!”

“I know,” his laughing slowly dies down, but the smile remains on his face. “That’s what makes it funny.”

“Yeah, yeah, keep laughing you mutant,” you playfully glare at him and he returns the gesture.

Just as Marcel opens his mouth to speak, another voice speaks instead, sending chills down your spine for an altogether different reason.

“Getting chummy, I see,” the low voice brings out an anger in you, a fire you were sure could burn down the whole city.

You roll your eyes in response, earning a smile from Marcel.

“Just being as gracious a host as I can be, Klaus,” Marcel raises a brow at his mentor, who in turn growls at him.

“Down boys,” you stand between them, rolling your eyes at their childish behavior. “I’m leaving. You two have fun here.”

You walk out the bar, no longer tipsy. You’re angry again and you hope to avoid Klaus for as long as you can. Of course, seeing as he is a fucking hybrid, that’s not possible for more than three seconds.

“Y/N,” Klaus runs in front of you, grasping your arm to keep you in place.

“Touch me again and I’ll rip that arm off, Klaus,” you glare at him and although he knows he’s stronger than you, a very real fear runs down his spine.

He lets go of you and you keep walking away from him. He physically feels you slipping away and while he knows he should give you some space, a much larger part of him knows that if he lets you go now then he’s never getting you back.

“Y/N, please,” Klaus calls out to you and you falter at the desperation in his voice. “Please just let me talk.”

You stop, steadying your breath before you face him. You know you have to hear him out, you can’t say no to him. You don’t want to say no to him.

“Klaus,” you turn around, whispering softly. “You have five minutes. I owe it to myself to hear you out.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I shouldn’t have left. I shouldn’t have paraded Caroline in front of your face, knowing that you wanted something more. I shouldn’t have--”

“I’m sorry what?!” Fists form at your side and you glare daggers at Klaus, a newfound anger under your look. “You fucking KNEW that I was into you and you boasted about Caroline every chance you got?”

His eyes go wide and as he opens his mouth to try to explain himself, you reach a hand up and slap him right across the face.

“Don’t ever fucking try to talk to me again,” you grit your teeth and furiously wipe at your cheeks at the angry tears that are running down your face. “I came all the way to New Orleans to see if you were okay. I had a dream, you know, a bad dream where you fucking called out to me and you know what my dumb ass did? I woke up and came here, in real time, to see if you were okay. And not only are you okay, you also haven’t changed for the better. You’re the same selfish prick you were years ago.”

You turn around and walk away, ignoring Klaus’s pleads. What a very alive, very well piece of shit.

[wandering-exile]

Breaking Point

(This is my take on the events that made Riven turn against Noxus, to exile herself and try to find redemption, as well as an introduction to it. It’s a bit long, and obviously it isn’t going to be pleasant, but I’m still glad I got it written out. Feel free to let me know what you think ^^) Riven had been woken up by the sound of splintering wood and a shout, a hand coming up to her head as she lay it back down, closing her eyes. She wanted to go back to sleep for a while longer, she knew Illaoi wouldn’t mind if she ignored this, but she herself would. She wanted to help, and this was one way that she could easily do so. With that in mind she finally sat back up, reaching back to rub at her neck as she yawned, getting up for the moment.  A few minutes later would find her setting a set of planks beside the newly formed hole in the wall, made by Illaoi’s eye of god being thrown clean through, and with enough force that it wasn’t in sight anymore. She wouldn’t start helping to repair just yet. The entire reason the idol had been thrown was because something had been unlucky enough to wake the sleeping Truth Bearer. So instead she placed herself outside of the hole, thinking about where Illaoi’s bed was, how it lined up with the hole in the wall and where the eye may have landed. With a clear direction in mind she started forward, stepping into the brush surrounding Illaoi’s island home. 

It wouldn’t take her long to find the idol only a short distance away. Its gold hues stood out against the vibrant greens, and she made a mental note of where it had landed. She was about to head back when a thought came to mind. This idol was rumored to be made of solid gold, and she was curious if she could even lift the thing. It wasn’t the first time that this curiosity had shown itself. Riven looked at the idol, debating if she should try to lift it. If she could, then she could simply carry it back to Illaoi’s hut for her. With her mind made up Riven approached the idol, kneeling down beside it and reaching out, wanting to test a bit and see if she could even make it budge. Her fingers brushed against the metal of the handle and she realized far too late how big of a mistake she had made. The world gained a haze over it, Riven could swear she could see a double image of herself...ethereal and green, but before she could get a good look at it or make any attempt to pull awy, her vision faded, her consciousness pulled through, and placed her into her own personal hell.

"You can't do this!" An irritated Noxian soldier slams her hands on the table in front of her, glaring at her commander. The three of them were alone in the tent, surrounding a table, one sitting and the others standing. "Sit. Down. Now, Dahlia." Liese stated, meeting her friend's blue gaze with her own red. "You have your orders and I have mine." Another soldier, a man with red hair cut short, steps over to her and puts a hand on her shoulder, "Dahlia, we all kno-" "Shut it, Caius!" The raven-haired woman turns her attention to him, slapping his hand away, "You know this is bullshit. We should be with her, not off to the side, out of the way!" "I don't like it any more than you do-" Caius agreed, chancing a glance over at their silver-haired commander before turning his attention back to her, "-But we have our orders. All we can do is follow them." "I get it." Dahlia reached to the table and picked up two helmets, shoving one into his chest and stomping away, "And save the lectures, Liese. I didn't join the military to be protected!" With that she left the tent and was gone, leaving the two alone. A heavy sigh could be heard from her, and Caius looked over to see Liese with her head in her hands, looking down at the map before her. She always did feel more at ease when the two of them were alone, able to properly express herself. "Why are you really doing this, Li?" "...I was told that a Zaunite chemist would be joining us." Liese said, "Someone high command is greatly interested in. He's testing something new...something powerful. I don't know what's going to happen." "So you want us out of the way." Liese said nothing for a long minute, finally speaking up again, "You know why I'm doing this...right?" "Can't say I do." "I made a promise to everyone back home...to all of our folks." Liese lifted her head to look at him, "That I would make sure you two got home safe." "But is that really your choice to make?" Caius asked her, "Look at it from our point. You're keeping us out of harms way. To Dahlia it looks like you don't have faith in us, in our ability...and I'm starting to agree." "Cai-" "We'll follow our orders, Liese. But after today we all need to sit down and talk. Not as commander to her subordinates, but as what we really are." Liese nodded to that. She knew it needed to happen. This was what she expected when she requested that the two of them be placed under her command, though the higher-ups didn't need to know their personal history. "Yeah...we'll talk later. Keep each other safe, okay?" Caius nodded, slipping his helmet on and making sure it was secure, "We always have." ***** Everything had gone so well until that point. The village was abandoned by its inhabitants. No sane person wanted to be so close to the fighting, not with the amount of collateral damage that had happened. Their plan had been simple; a large force moves through the center of the village while two smaller forces sweep through the surrounding buildings. The village wasn't the largest village she had seen by far, but it was large enough to catch Noxus' interest, and it helped to be thorough, to make sure that it was truly abandoned. She had thought that perhaps today there would be no bloodshed. That thought was quickly interrupted by a shout. "Commander!" Liese watched as one of the forward scouts came rushing toward her, the soldiers separating to give him a straight path to her, "Report." The scout was slightly out of breath, "Ionian troops, two hundred of them at least, on their way here from the north. They're coming fast." "Damn it.." She cursed under her breath. Why would they be coming here? Every report stated that the Ionians had abandoned this place. Still, now she was glad she had sent someone after all. "Something isn't right...archers! On the rooftops! I want every building in the center of town to have one. The rest line the center street!" The marksmen ran to obey as she turned her attention to the more heavily-geared, "Heavy shields to the front, pikes close behind! Messenger!" Two men in the lightest gear available approached her, "Get news to everyone else. They're to hold their positions for now. At the first sign of being overwhelmed, they're to rejoin the main host." "At once, Commander." With a salute, each man ran in opposing directions, and Liese prayed they would make it to everyone. The approaching force didn't make any attempt at stealth. She heard the first shouts from them as they approached the village. "Hold fast, men! Strength above all!" She reached over her shoulder and drew her runeblade, the symbol of her authority and dedication to that very ideal, the sigils along its surface lighting with arcane power. The cry echoed from one troop to the next as they watched the approaching Ionian's. Liese saw movement above them, and her head turned to one of the tallest buildings in the village, a storehouse of some kind by the look of it, and saw a figure perched at the top of it. Even from here she could make out details of him. He was clad in red and black armor, rags covering the lower half of his face beneath a crooked nose. Bottles hung from his waist and on his back rest a large shield. She had seen him once before. A man that looked like that was difficult to forget. 'Singed...so it was him we were meeting.' she thought. Why was he watching them? She brought her attention away from the madman. Something didn't feel right. These Ionian's weren't supposed to be here. This village was unimportant, far away from any strategic point. Why would command even send her and her force here in the first place? The first sound of metal against metal, the screams of soldiers fighting and dying. The Ionian language shouted at them, cursing their very existence as they're cut down by Noxian steel. Both forces now fought for this insignificant piece of land, Ionian's to defend their homeland and Noxians to take it. Liese took a step forward, toward the main host. She had always been a leader to fight beside her soldiers. In her eyes anyone who refused to be on the front lines with their men didn't deserve their position. Yet as she took that step another motion caught her attention, and she turned her gaze toward Singed once more. He had something in his hand now, standing to his full height as he looked down. She watched him slowly spread his arms out, and even above the fighting she heard it; the maniacal, cackling laughter as he pressed the button in his hand. Behind him, beyond the villages outer edge, appeared massive containers, launched through the air by unseen war machines, and Liese felt her heart sink as she realized that just as many were coming toward them as they were the Ionian's. "FALL BACK!" She shouted, "ALL FORCES, FALL BACK!" But it was too late. The largest of the casks impacted in the center of the battle, cries of surprise and pain were heard and she reached forward before she realized, as though she could save any of her troops. The same instant a sickly green mist flooded the area, released from its pressurized confines and flooding over the soldiers. The cries of agony from the first to be touched chilled her to her very core, the mist spreading quickly, far too quickly to be stopped. It reached her before she could stop it, enveloping her outstretched arm, and immediately her cries joined theirs. The wind whipped around her, forming tightly to her body, removing the mist and preventing more from touching her, but the damage had already been done. She scrambled to tear the armor free from her arm that now felt as though every nerve had been set aflame, eventually succeeding and revealing the scarred, angry red skin beneath. She clutched her arm to herself, gritting her teeth to keep her cries in. The screams of everyone around her were deafening, and all she could do was watch as everyone in the area began to fall, some clutching their throats, others convulsing on the ground, still more screaming in agony. Noxian and Ionian didn't matter anymore. Every soldier nearby had tried to run, to escape the mist. Every one had failed. 'Dahlia...Caius...!' She thought, reaching down for her runeblade and placing it on her back, looking around at the bodies of the fallen. And then she ran. She ran in the direction of her friends, knowing that she was leaving the afflicted behind to die. It had been all she could do to save herself...she couldn't help those who had been swallowed by the mists. Wherever she ran cleared itself, and the path she left was quickly swallowed by even more of the chemicals in the air, the fog growing thicker and thicker, and Liese saw even more of it pouring from within buildings she passed. Her heart sank as a realization dawned on her. This was all intended. Noxian and Ionian alike...all of them had been led here to die. "CAIUS! DAHLIA!" She shouted, calling out to the two who mattered most to her. The screams still rang in her ears, soldiers stumbling past her. She ran past a Noxian and Ionian, each trying to urge the other forward. Another Ionian had drawn their blade, turning it against themselves and lay dead, slumped against a building. "Liese..." She stopped as she heard her name, looking around quickly, her gaze quickly falling on the two of them, each leaning against opposite sides of an alleyway. "Hang on!" She said, rushing toward the two of them. She closed her eyes and concentrated, the wind surrounding her expanding, pushing away the poison around the three of them. A small space was all that she could manage, and she cursed her own inability for possibly the first time in her life. As soon as they opened again she could only stare in silent horror. The both of them were covered in the same marks that now scarred her arm, red veins of the toxin in the air seared into their skin. "Should have known you would make it..." Dahlia said through gritted teeth, clutching her side. Every breath she drew was ragged, labored, "Fuck it hurts...damn...cowards." "Hang on, I...I can save you, I can get you out of here!" Liese felt her eyes burning, stinging with tears that blurred her vision. "No...you can't." Caius said, closing his eyes and letting his head rest against the wall behind him. His right arm hung uselessly beside him, its skin a sickly purple, and a fit of coughing left a trail of blood going down his jaw. "We all know its...it's useless." "Li..." Dahlia's voice got her attention, and as Liese looked toward her she felt as though her heart had stopped. Dahlia had drawn her knife, holding it by its blade and offering its handle to her. "Don't look at me like that...I'm a soldier, goddamnit. I ain't dying by any fuckin' chems." She took in a sharp breath, eyes squeezing shut as she tried to fight through a fresh wave of pain, gritting her teeth hard enough that Liese heard a tooth crack. "I get it. You wanted to protect us. I'm pissed...but I don't blame ya. I would do the same. Liese...listen." Her eyes opened again, her gaze almost pleading as she looked to her, "End it. I'd rather you do it than some fucking Zaunite." Liese knelt down beside her and reached a hand forward, her fingers wrapping around Dahlia's hand, holding it, "I can't..." "You can." Dahlia grunted in pain again, "This fucking hurts, Liese. And it'll keep hurting. Better it ends quick..." "She's right." Caius said, his breathing shallow, "Others died in seconds...us? Who knows. I don't want to find out..." Liese knew they were right. She knew them both well enough to know they couldn't do it themselves. "I'm sorry..." she whispered, "You two, I'm so...so sorry..." "Save it." Dahlia told her, "And let me be the first. Don't wanna hear Caius scream like a girl." She said with a short laugh that quickly turned into coughing. "Even on the deathbed..." Caius smiled a bit at it though, closing his eyes again as Liese let go of Dahlia's hand, fingers wrapping around the handle of the knife. "I love you both..." She said, looking down at Dahlia and watching her hand slip away from the blade. "I hope you know that..." "Idiot..." Dahlia closed her eyes, Liese bringing both hands to the handle and guiding it to the space between two plates of Dahlia's chestpiece.  "...love you too." Liese looked down at the ground, her hands shaking as she struggled with what she had to do. A quick push and the leather and cloth beneath gave way. The blade sank in to the hilt, and Liese heard a sudden, strangled gasp, felt one heartbeat...two...and she was still. Her hands slipped from the blade, falling to her sides as she let out a sob. "Liese..." She heard her name and she slowly turned her gaze to him. Another knife, another silent plea. She crawled over to him, "Caius..." Caius looked up at her, "It's okay." he assured her, watching her take hold of the knife. "I'll join you both soon..." She whispered, hesitantly, shakily bringing the blade toward his chest. "Don't." Liese stopped, seeing his expression change, his better arm coming up to place his hand against hers, "Live. Keep going for us. You hear me? Dahlia would say the same thing." "But-" "Don't argue!" Caius ground out against another coughing fit, "For once...don't be so stubborn, and just do it, Liese...please...for our sake." Liese stared down at him for a long moment, her grip faltering on the blade. "I..." The sound of cackling filled the air, getting both of their attention. The same that heralded the beginning of this hell. "I will." She said, "I swear...I'll live, for all of us."   A smile on Caius' lips as he looked up at her, and Liese took his hand in her injured one, ignoring the pain of it. She could bear this. She would bear this much and more. "Thank you." The blade slid into his chest, a grunt of pain, the tightening of his fingers around hers...and then they relaxed, his entire body limp and gone. Liese lowered his hand to his chest, and for the first time in her life...she felt alone. Her eyes closed, her tears no longer held back. Her hands balled into fists, every emotion she felt raging inside of her from all that had happened in what seemed like the blink of an eye. All of the turmoil, the sadness, the anger and the pain. She turned her face to the sky, and the loudest cry that echoed through the village was hers. ***** The commander looked out at the village under the darkness of the night, watching as fires raged, burning it and every corpse within to cinders. She had watched the Zaunite cleaners approach to burn off all of the chems. Her bandaged arm reached up to her chest, free of the armor that protected and restricted her before, and clutched at the cloth over her heart. The hilt and what remained of her blade, the very symbol of her devotion to Noxus, overloaded and shattered along the ground, was held in her other hand, the broken pieces packed in a bag to be buried where nobody could find them. Today had opened her eyes. To how little her country truly cared. To the lies they had all been told, the ones she had believed in her heart to be true. Noxus would surely count her among the dead, the bodies too scarred and disfigured to tell the difference even if one survived the flames. In a way they were right. A part of her felt like it had died that day. Part of Liese had died along with her friends in the village. Enough that the name felt wrong to her. She was broken, shattered...Riven. Yes. That name would do. Riven turned her back on the flames and took the first step of many on the long path to make things right.

[artemis-entreri]

That other Anon (What would it take to make Artemis Entreri happy...) got me wondering. After his relationship with C. and D. (D. presumed dead atm) would Artemis enter another relationship? What kind of a relationship would make him at least content? That man sure could use some happy time in his life.

[[ Oh man, this original Ask is so ancient that it doesn’t have a time stamp. >_> In honor of NaNoWriMo, which I’ve never participated in or even paid much attention to before, I’m going to endeavor to finally answer these things I’d saved because I wanted to answer them but couldn’t at the time. Incidentally, I’d also been waiting for some sort of canonical conclusion before addressing things like this, but in retrospect, the “developments” added by the last books were so far from organic that what I’m about to write now is probably not too different from what I would’ve written before. 

I think that whether Entreri would enter into any more relationships is a separate topic from what he needs to be happy. Unlike the case with Drizzt, I don’t believe that Entreri needs to "belong" in order to be happy. He might not ever be happy in the same way that Drizzt is, but that doesn’t mean that he won’t be fine. Each person experiences and defines happiness at least a little differently, so I think that Entreri doesn’t need to have what Drizzt has to be able to be happy. This concept is one that has always been lost on Drizzt, and I think the reason for that may be that it’s one that’s also lost on Bob.

As far as Entreri and romance are concerned, my impression is that he’s never really looked for, or actively desired to be in, a romantic relationship. I think he’s supposed to be one of those people for whom romance is a low priority. I wouldn’t describe him as aromantic though, as he’s exhibited romantic attraction to others. Overall, I’d even go so far as to say that romance and Entreri don’t mix well, at least not so far in any case. The points of entry into both of his romantic relationships were directly due to incidents that tampered with his mind, with the effects of Idalia’s Flute landing him with Calihye and the aboleth encounter in the sewers beneath Neverwinter leading him to bond with Dahlia. Furthermore, Entreri has shown himself to be loyal, perhaps to a fault, when it comes to his romantic partner. He was willing to let Calihye kill him and only stopped her when he realized that someone else had intervened in what should’ve been his private matter. I find the whole sequence of Entreri throwing Calihye out the window and then looking for her afterwards kind of strange and inconsistent, but I suppose I’ll have to chalk all of that up to the effects of Idalia’s Flute. Still, I don’t think the Flute makes people do the sort of stuff that they absolutely would never do, but rather, much like the drugs and alcohol of our world, it lowers its user’s inhibitions and makes them more likely to do things that would normally be extreme for them. So, while the part where Entreri threw Calihye out the window for attempting to manipulate him was consistent with his character and his creed of not leaving any enemies in his wake, the back-peddling of looking for her afterwards and not for the purpose of finishing her off was a glimpse into the vulnerable part of him that he’d prefer not to exist. That part of him is self-destructive in that it makes him undervalue himself. Despite Calihye’s attempt on his life and what would’ve felt like further betrayal by abandonment, Entreri still wanted her enough to risk messing with not just any drow but drow associated with the most dangerous person he knows, and loved her so much that he cherished the time that they’d spent together before she left him again. And for Dahlia, he allowed his own code of honor to be compromised in perhaps the only time that we’ve ever seen throughout the entire series when he couldn’t reject her completely despite her already being involved with Drizzt. Entreri was ready to let Drizzt strike him down for that transgression, which was a big deal because that was allowing someone else to have ultimate control of his fate, and someone else having that sort of power is the thing he tolerates the least. In fact, the lengths that Entreri went for Dahlia meant that he was risking more than his life, he did things that completely offended his sensibilities, which are difficult to offend. We saw how utterly intolerant he is of the Underdark, of Menzoberranzan, to the point that he’d rather wage a  hopeless battle against a legendary paladin king and his party of heroes that defeated a god rather than escape temporarily to the sunless world below. We saw how thoroughly terrified he was of the prospect of having to wield Charon’s Claw again, and it was a state that we’ve never seen him anywhere close to before. Despite these things, he went to rescue Dahlia, and that’s reminiscent of his allowances for Calihye because it really seems to be the case that, despite what he says, Entreri places far more importance in his significant other than he does in himself. I’d say that this is due in no small part to his self-loathing, but I think it’s also due to him being the kind of person to love intensely. I don’t believe what I do because I think he’s a bad boy with a heart of gold, I’d even say he’s pretty damn far from the whole “heart of gold” trope. I do believe that Entreri would love intensely because, in addition to that he does pretty much everything intensely, as an emotionally inexperienced individual who lacks perspective about what degree to feel something, he’d likely be pretty black or white about how much he feels. Even though I’m sure that he’d rather not put so much of himself into any sort of involvement with someone else, his logic can’t dictate his heart, especially not when his heart is so inexperienced and vulnerable. While all this talk about how Entreri’s full of love and goes so far for his sweethearts might sound like positive qualities, I did bring up these points within the same paragraph that I opened with, “romance and Entreri don’t mix well” for a reason. I believe that on some level, Entreri should be aware of the relative values he places on his waifu versus on himself. He doesn’t seem to display this level of introspection in the books, but given how he’s supposed to be an acute individual who’s super honed for survival in unimaginably difficult environments, I really think that he should be able to recognize  such a self-destructive tendency. Furthermore, I can’t see him as being ok with this vulnerability, as it goes against everything that he’s trained himself for, everything that he knows, and everything that his instincts tell him. What this means is that he’d recognize pretty easily when his efforts aren’t reciprocated, but his low sense of self-worth also likely means that he’d have a high tolerance for that lack of reciprocation.

Entreri, for all of his own emotional inexperience, is significantly more emotionally mature than is Dahlia, especially prior to Kimmuriel's intervention. While Kimmuriel’s psychic surgery might’ve “calmed” Dahlia down, I don’t think that process necessarily imparted upon her a sense of honor, which is something that’s central to Entreri’s mindset. Dahlia might not always be picking a fight with Entreri anymore, but with her own host of unresolved issues as well as general inexperience, I see her as time goes by, waffling quite a bit. Effron’s existence, his importance to her, and the strong dislike that Effron and Entreri share for one another would also instigate disharmony. We’ve seen Dahlia forsake Entreri for Effron without so much of a thought in trying times, and I think that sort of behavior would be pretty consistent for her. Dahlia’s maternal instinct isn’t exactly conventional, what with the throwing her baby off the cliff and all, but coupled with her guilt, it’s become a very strong force that will, in my opinion, always drive her to choose her offspring over her lover if she had to leave one to die. To further complicate matters, it’s likely that Dahlia’s been impregnated a drow, most likely Tiago, but quite possibly Kimmuriel or even Drizzt. Tiago, in addition to enjoying the act of raping Dahlia, also sought to plant his seed in the then-Matron Mother of House Do’Urden. Kimmuriel is a possibility because it seems highly unlikely that he’d care what happened to Dahlia’s body after he was done with it, so he wouldn’t have taken any precautions (plus the circumstances of their copulation didn’t allow for that anyway). Drizzt might be the most concerned of the three, however he also doesn’t think about that sort of thing and his whole relationship with Dahlia was a series of impulsive behaviors strung together. I also don’t personally believe that Drizzt is conscientious enough to consider the possibility of producing a half-drow child with Dahlia even though he agonizes about the same topic regarding Catti-brie because Dahlia’s just never been important enough to him for him to think of that much or that far. I consider Drizzt the least likely father of a probable half-drow baby in Dahlia’s womb because given how promiscuous Dahlia was and her experience with childbirth, she would have likely taken birth control precautions. These measures would’ve most probably faded during the extended time that she was in Menzoberranzan. As for Dahlia possibly being pregnant with Entreri’s child, I won’t say that it’s completely impossible, but I’d say that the likelihood of that is infinitesimally low. During the times that they were together, Dahlia always had the chance to make her preparations. Furthermore Entreri strikes me as the type who really doesn’t want children, so without getting too graphic in the details, I think it’s safe to say that he would’ve taken measures of his own to make sure that he didn’t impregnate anyone, even someone that he loved. So, with Dahlia already proven herself totally ready to ditch Entreri for Effron, the addition of another child, and a half-drow one at that, would seem to be guaranteed to be a stress point for Entreri. Dahlia would be unlikely to want to give the baby up because of her guilt over what she did with her first child, and I see her as the type to expect Entreri to accept and go along with that. I can’t see Entreri being ok with it at all, not so much because the child is half of a race that he despises for the most part, but rather the specific drow from which it descended. He’d be able to tolerate the possibility of Tiago better than Kimmuriel, but either way, even though Entreri would intellectually know better than to blame a child for the actions of its parents, something flagrant enough would make it very difficult to reconcile the intellectual and the visceral. Especially if it turned out that Kimmuriel had fathered the child, which would likely give rise to psionic capabilities within the child, I really see Entreri just throwing his hands up and not being willing to deal with it. However, going back to Dahlia’s tendency to vastly prioritize her offspring, I believe that while Entreri might intellectually understand the reason for her being that way, there’d be only so much of it that he could take, again because of the difficulty in reconciling the intellectual and the visceral. Especially given that his whole life, he’s fought against being trivialized and invalidated, I think that there’s only so much violation of his nature that Entreri could and would endure.

If Entreri did leave Dahlia, I see it as being a clean break, as it’s difficult for emotionally inexperienced people to do the “let’s stay friends” thing after bonding so strongly with another. I see him as cutting off contact, going very far away, and minimizing chances that he’d see or hear from her again. I'd even speculate that the entire experience would be agonizing for him and he’d want nothing more than to know how she was doing and what she was doing at every second. These desires would cause him to be extremely angry with himself and he’d see it as weak and pathetic how he can’t stop feeling and thinking such utterly pointless things. This ruminating rage would deepen his cynicism and misanthropy, as well as stirring the sort of vulnerability that leads people to engage in such often unfortunate temporary relationships as the rebound. However, I see Entreri as having enough discipline, or perhaps enough cynicism, to avoid doing the rebound thing, though I’m not dismissing the possibility altogether. The consequences of emotional inexperience are such that even the most disciplined person could break under enough hurt, but Entreri’s supposed to have unbelievable amounts of discipline. I guess it ultimately falls to the specifics of what leads him to leave Dahlia to determine how he would behave in the short-term following the breakup. Long-term, on the other hand, I see him as reverting to that whole not looking for and not interested in romance approach. He might even actively avoid getting involved, especially if he’s aware of how he tends to give so much of himself into his relationships, and what that has done to him in the past. It’s the sort of cynicism that jives so easily with his experience of being exploited for his skills, so really, I think that he’d be quite turned off to the idea of getting into another romantic relationship. What’s likely to happen however is that he’ll fall in love again, perhaps many times, and get involved with people that don’t value him for his full worth. What tends to happen when someone gives so much of themselves into a relationship, as Entreri is wont to do, is that it leads the other person to take it for granted and even take advantage of it, which leads me to believe that Entreri will either avoid relationships altogether, or undergo many unhealthy ones before we return to him avoiding relationships altogether again.  Maybe someone different will come by to break the cycle, but that’s a big if, as Entreri is such an outlier as far as social spectrum goes that finding the right kind of outlier that’s appropriate for him is no small task, especially when he’s beyond not actively looking, to the point of actively dismissing potential partners.

As far as the “Dahlia leaving Entreri” theme goes, I’ll start with what Entreri would do if she left him by death, as that poses clearer scenarios. If Dahlia died of unnatural causes, i.e. by another’s hand, Entreri would kill the perpetrator, mourn for probably a very long time, then go on to follow a course similar to the one I described in the previous paragraph, but instead of cynicism, there would be sadness. If Dahlia died of natural causes much earlier than she should’ve, i.e. by disease, the situation would be similar to her dying of unnatural causes except with less assassinating. Finally, if Dahlia died of old age after hundreds of years, perhaps closer to a millennium if not more, and Entreri stayed with her all throughout all of those years, unchanging, an immortal eternity granted to him by Charon’s Claw or the jeweled dagger as he watched his beloved of an nigh-ageless race fade and wither while it should’ve been the other way around… I mean, I think the scenario is highly unlikely, but it’s still pretty heartbreaking to think about because of how steadfast and sacrificial Entreri would need to be for that scenario to hold true. It’s not possible for me to grasp what that sort of experience would be like, I feel that any extrapolations I make would be grossly inaccurate because my data points run out far before the timeline for the thought experiment does. I think though, that while it wouldn’t befit Entreri to follow a partner to death normally, if he’d gone so far as to make someone (Dahlia in this thought experiment) the center of his life for so long, that after she passed away, he’d likely not feel much like living anymore. Entreri is also (mostly) human, and humans aren’t wired to know how to deal with living lifetimes as long as those of elves’. Elves, being genetically long-lived, probably have some sort of “awareness” coded into their biology to better comprehend and handle a lengthy lifespan and likely have developed coping mechanisms. What would be normal to an elf would be beyond wonky to a human, and at over a hundred years Entreri is already exhausted of living (heck, he was even when he was in his 40s), so if he hasn’t died by the time that Dahlia does and he’s still with her, he probably wouldn’t have much of anything for himself by then, especially with how egocentric Dahlia is and will probably remain. While Bob wants us to believe that Entreri is serving as Dahlia’s guide and teacher in dealing with similar emotional traumas, realistically, I don’t think Entreri has gotten enough of his own answers to be wholly qualified to do that. Also, while the “healing together” trope is nice, in reality, it doesn’t work out too well, and more likely becomes the blind leading the blind. What’ll most likely happen with Entreri and Dahlia is that, although he pretends to be firm with her, eventually she’ll figure out that he can’t say no to her, and while I’m not saying that Entreri would ever become whipped, I do think that he’d let things go a lot more than she would because it’s the path of least resistance, as well as spoil her because of his tendency to value his partner more than himself. This would establish an unhealthy, even toxic, dynamic between the two of them, and unfortunately, Entreri is the type to stick with a toxic relationship for unthinkably long because of how tough he believes himself to be and, on a subconscious level, how he doesn’t believe that anyone else would care about him as a person. So, if he stayed with Dahlia until she died of old age, I think that the concept of another relationship would be so far and foreign from his mind by that point that even if he chose to go on, he might not be capable of entering another relationship. This is really a subject that I’d need to think more about, but fundamentally I feel that there’s some truth to the whole idea that if one has lived long enough and seen enough that one sort of transcends mortality. Put in smaller terms, as children, a lot of us wanted to play in the mud. As adults, we see mud as a great nemesis from which we must keep our pets and children because mixing the two would mean undoing all those hours of cleaning that we’d broken our backs performing. In other words, through growth, retrospect makes us wonder why we were even remotely interested in the sorts of things we used to like. The difference between a child and an adult is only a few decades, thus imagine how big that difference would be if it was measured instead in centuries. Despite all of this doom and gloom, I do think that it’s possible for Entreri to sort of start fresh in the most recent scenario that I’ve posed. He might be able to do it alone, but I think that’d be very difficult because he’d be very set in certain ways that he would’ve had to force himself into in order to tolerate staying with Dahlia for so long. He’d need another long-lived individual who’s undergone the experience of living for another over a prolonged period of time to be able to be on the same page as him, but this person would also need to be able to appreciate him for who he is and have broken free of their bonds to be able to help him do the same thing and find himself again. Only then would he be able to consider entering another romantic relationship. I can’t help but wonder though, that when one’s lived that long though, especially one like Entreri, how much meaning that a romantic relationship would even have by that point. There would be so many complicated associations with partnership that it would pose its own challenge to untangle.

Thus brings us to Dahlia leaving Entreri by her own choice. The most likely cause for this is her falling out of love with him, which could be due to a variety of scenarios. I’ve been pretty down on Dahlia, but it isn’t because I dislike her or think of her as an inherently bad person. I actually feel that the way that she is is very understandable, but I’m not saying that excuses her bad behavior either. Dahlia is very inexperienced and very traumatized, plus biologically she should still be a child. She a child who’s been forced to be an adult and living the way that an adult does. There’s so much of her mentality that needs to follow its natural course of development, which requires a lot of time, especially given that she’s an elf and elves at around age 30 are like the equivalent of human early teens (i.e. recall Drizzt at 30). Because of this, Dahlia would likely need more time than an elf that hasn’t gone through the sort of traumas that she did to reach a similar state in life. Before then, however, she’ll be prone to impulsive things, “bad” things, because she doesn’t really know any better. The way that I see any decisions that Dahlia makes in her love life right now and how transitory they are is that what she’s going through is very similar to how very few high school relationships last the rest of one’s life, or go beyond high school. Just as how people in college would often look back and wonder why the heck they dated who they did during high school, Dahlia’s views are likely to change drastically as she matures further. Although I’ve described Entreri as emotionally inexperienced, Dahlia is more than that. In addition to being emotionally immature, Dahlia’s generally inexperienced. While Entreri isn’t very in touch with his heart, he knows himself far better than Dahlia knows herself, and given the closed-off natures of both of them, it’s the amount of time that Entreri’s been around compared to Dahlia that makes for the difference in maturity states. So, Entreri’s reached a point of enough stability that he wouldn’t “outgrow” Dahlia, but this doesn’t preclude his reasons for leaving her being rooted in her outgrowing him. Or, more precisely, Dahlia would outgrow the person she was when she fell in love with Entreri, and change at a different rate than him because he’s already done a great deal of the fundamental stuff that she’ll need to go through. I think more and more, Entreri would be stricken by how young she is, but he’d either find ways to adapt, or feel creeped out by the fact that he’s pretty much with a child and leave for her own sake. Conversely, without as much perspective, and because of how much she’d be changing, Dahlia wouldn’t be able to adapt to Entreri. The least cruel thing for her to do is to recognize this and for both of them to agree it’s the right thing to do for them to part, not that it wouldn’t burn with the fury of the Nine Hells for Entreri and lead him down the path described before. However, I don’t know how much Dahlia would be aware of what’s happening to her, and I see it as much more likely that she’d get fixated on the next hawt young thang to cross her path or catch her eye, and she’d want to trade the older model in for something new. True, even in old age, Entreri would be a force to be reckoned with, but I don’t think Dahlia cares about being with the absolute best if she could have what’s best for her at any given moment. I can’t really blame Dahlia for this degree of fickleness because I just see her as a child who doesn’t know what she wants yet, and just as I’d have a hard time landing on a child for not sticking to the same thing that they were interested in as they metamorphosize with age, although it would break Entreri’s heart, I can’t really fault Dahlia for leaving him for someone more suited to who she becomes.

I realize it might seem strange that I mentioned Dahlia leaving Entreri in his old age when previously I’d discussed him living eternally. The reason for this is that we don’t know exactly what’s going on with his artificial life-prolonging. There are hints in Hero that the magic of Claw that sustained his life force is weakening, but we’re also not 100% sure if it’s Claw that’s solely responsible for Entreri’s unnaturally long life. I think it’s the case that so long as Claw binds him, Entreri can’t be killed, but the Shade essence in him is what made him de-age and age slowly. True Shades live forever if they’re not killed, but Entreri is only part-Shade. But again, we don’t know what’s causing what, and with a dose of the Spellplague and another of the Sundering thrown in there, really, anything goes until we receive more information, which we’re unlikely to do. So, as Entreri ages, it’s possible that it will be a depressing experience for him. He’s not as obsessed with maintaining peak performance anymore and he’s exhausted with living, but to fade away slowly would be hard for him to take. He despaired in the past that he’d no longer be in his prime when his arch-nemesis would just be entering his, and even though Entreri no longer has an arch-nemesis anymore, losing the exceptional physical capabilities that are such a big part of him would be very difficult to endure, made even worse by how he’s probably not thought about losing it to old age for a long time after he stopped aging. As he’s going through this tough transition in his life, as mentioned before, it’s unlikely that Dahlia would stay by and support him through it. More than likely, she’d become frustrated that he isn’t as capable as he once was, blame him for that which he can’t help, and finally leave him with those accusations weighing heavily on his mind. After their separation under these conditions, Entreri would likely feel very rejected, used and undesirable. He might wish that he could just give up completely like Dondon had, but his survival instinct wouldn’t allow that. A retired criminal in Calimport becomes the leader of a criminal organization, but Entreri never had the stomach for hierarchy. He’s also no longer a criminal, but he’s not a good guy either, and I find it highly unlikely that he’d seek out civil service, as part of a city’s Watch or what have you. What I see happening is that he’d become a partial-hermit, not entirely removed from civilization, but living on the fringes of it along the same vein as he’s always had, but with significantly less involvement. He’d need protection, and he’d barter some for it with his skills and cunning, but his sense of self-worth would be at an all-time low, and his age would probably be on the forefront of his mind if anyone expressed a romantic interest in him. I think that if Dahlia left him because of the deterioration of age, Entreri would be hesitant to even engage with beings older than him but whom appeared younger, again because of what that appearance would viscerally remind him of even if intellectually he knows that he’d be the younger one. Furthermore, he’d be aging faster than a young-appearing older being, and he wouldn’t want to risk getting hurt over being dumped for his decline.

Now that I’ve addressed to death the question of would Entreri enter another relationship after Calihye and Dahlia, here comes the same thing for what kind of a relationship would make Entreri, at the very least, content. While it’s no secret that I really like pairing Entreri with Jarlaxle, I actually don’t feel that there exists a canonical character throughout all 30+ of the Drizzt books who’s “good enough” to be appropriate for Entreri. By “good enough” I don’t mean someone with shining morals characterized only by wholesome actions and beliefs that could guide Entreri entirely to the ways of the light, whereupon he can finally find true happiness. In fact, anyone like that would be the very opposite of what would be good for Entreri. The poor guy’s spent his entire life among people who were only interested in him for his skills, and in order to find any sense of validation among that kind of society, he’s had to play its game by becoming that which was most coveted by its standards. While the books would have us believe that the emptiness that Entreri felt was due to his lack of ability to connect to others, that’s a very social-normative way to look at things. I personally think that Entreri’s sense of emptiness and self-disgust came from having to define himself by the demarcation set by the very same people that he despised. He couldn’t do anything different because they and their ideals were all that he’d known. I believe that having to cater to that which he hated made him as intolerant of authority and of others that try to impose their beliefs onto him as he is. He’s fiercely independent but didn’t have a chance to build the foundation upon which to found that independence, and I think he’s aware of this fact on some level because he’s so defensive when others try to mess with aspects that he’s never gotten to explore himself. I think that the two main qualities that would define an ideal romantic/life partner for Entreri would be: A) Genuine interest in who, not what, he is, and B) Security in their own sense of self with the appropriate amount of associated competence.

Quality B) is in my opinion the less obvious of the two, so I’ll start with elaborating on that one. There’s a lot of truth in the maxim, “lead by example”, and I think that it applies to something as small scale and personal as a relationship between two individuals. While I would describe Entreri as a very strong person overall, he possesses vulnerabilities that are very stark, and he strikes me as the kind of person who would forever keep those hidden even if he did come to completely trust someone, if he didn’t deem that person strong enough to handle his vulnerabilities. By vulnerabilities, I don’t mean the details of what happened in his childhood, but rather, all the ramifications of those events and all the other traumas he’s gone through. He probably can’t even articulate most of those consequences, and because so much of conveying them would depend on the subtleties of communication beyond that which is expressed in words, in order for verbal expression to happen, the conditions would have to be correct. Entreri would need a proverbial wall solid enough to lean on, one that is as tenacious as the ones that he’d built around his own heart. The right kind of person who’s secure in their own sense of self would also not need Entreri to do anything for them, because presumably, they’d be self-sufficient enough to not need his help. I think that this would allow them to naturally look beyond the “what” aspects of Entreri, as well as eventually make Entreri feel at ease about not being taken interest in as a tool. Of course, it’s very likely that, especially during the early stages of a relationship with an individual like this, Entreri would feel ill-at-ease, because he’s simply not used to not being exploited by others. He’d at least subconsciously question why this other person wants him, and if it’s all a grand farce or scheme that’s designed to lull him into a false sense of security to inevitably trap him. It might mean some turbulent times for Entreri and this hypothetical character early in their relationship, it might even lead to separation due to the degree of Entreri’s distrust. But, this is where A) comes in, because a genuine interest in who he is will keep Entreri going back to this hypothetical person, because as we’ve seen in the books, he’s so unable to resist someone actually caring about him as a person to the point that it’s almost an addiction, and definitely his Achilles’ Heel. However, in the books, none of his romantic partners are as interested in him as they could and should be, but even despite that, he’s fiercely loyal to them because they showed him the tiniest bit of interest in what lies beyond his impressive skills. I’ll be frank here, he’s absolutely not a perfect idealization of a man who only requires emotions to be this dedicated. The presence of sex definitely plays no small part in cementing his attachment. Nonetheless, without the appreciation for who he is, the physicality of sex is meaningless to him.

As far as how A) and B) tie together, A) is about empathy, which is independent of how secure someone is in themselves. While it isn’t necessarily the case that people who are more secure about themselves are more capable of empathy, what is the case is that more secure people are not as affected by the words of others. I think that insecurity is what leads people to try to impose their own beliefs onto others, because failure to do so is invalidating and invalidation is probably the biggest threat to one who lacks security. Hence, someone solely possessing of trait A) would not be sufficient for Entreri, because even if they cared more for him than they did for themselves, the lack of B) would mean that they’d inevitably try to seek validation from him by inadvertently pushing their beliefs onto him. This could happen indirectly, and without the hypothetical person ever intending or wishing anything akin to making Entreri become more like them. However, because of how fiercely dedicated Entreri can be, he might take it upon himself to do what he can to help his partner, in the process hurting himself without either meaning for that to happen. Even though he’d deny it and fight to stay with his love (in the short term anyway, he’d probably realize things if he lived long enough to outlive several partners), that doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship would be healthy and good for him, or for the other person for that matter. As is the case with many victims of abuse and trauma, Entreri would likely go through many unhealthy relationships before he’d find a healthy one.

This brings me to the reason that I like the Entreri and Jarlaxle pairing so much. Among all the canonical possibilities, Jarlaxle is the closest to satisfying the two traits that I’ve explained above. There are some fairly glaring issues, such as his sex and gender identity as well as his tendency to exploit anything and everything. However, unlike any other character in the Drizzt books, Jarlaxle undergoes some extensive effort to try to understand Entreri better, even if those efforts ended up being invasive, questionable and overall pretty ineffective. Nonetheless, Jarlaxle tried to understand the man behind the skills and the circumstances that led him to become who he is, and really, no one else cared enough to do that. Furthermore, Jarlaxle wanted to help Entreri get better, not by Jarlaxle’s definition but by Entreri’s, however the methods that Jarlaxle took were rushed and inappropriate. Although Idalia’s Flute was overall a monumentally bad idea in context and, out of context, was an extremely lazy plot device to force character “development”, its redeeming quality is that its effect is to unlock the heart of whomever plays it. In other words, it’s not a magical implement to change someone into something or some way that another wishes, its intended purpose is to nurture growth on a very personal level. However, just as how in real life, trauma victims need to become ready at their own pace to heal, I believe that Idalia’s Flute is only effective when one is ready for their heart to be unlocked. What Jarlaxle did was the equivalent of throwing Entreri into psychotherapy when he wasn’t ready for it, and that’s absolutely not all right, but still, it’s a lot better than, for instance, telling Entreri what he should do to feel and be better (*cough* Drizzt *cough). That latter scenario goes beyond disrespectful, it’s flagrantly abusive, and I’d even go so far as to describe it as disgusting and despicable. I suppose it would be easy to make an original character that satisfies A) and B) for the purpose of pairing them with Entreri, but I have a hard time getting into that because I feel like, no matter what, it wouldn’t be “real”. Jarlaxle’s far from perfect but he’s also far better than his canonical alternatives, and I suppose that’s how my OTP became what it is.

Thus we return to my initial contention that Entreri doesn’t need to be in a relationship to find his own version of happiness. Social science teaches us that humans are an inherently communal species. Furthermore, social norms across many different cultures enforce the idea that we can’t be happy if we’re alone, that we need a partner and friends or else we’re doomed to misery. I’d say that these things are true for the most part, but the keyword here is “most”. As with any sample set, there will always be outliers to the common denominator. Someone like Entreri is obviously not your average human, written as he is with a past that is quite horrible and a life that doesn’t get any easier. I’m not altogether comfortable with applying our world’s sciences and customs to a world that’s totally different. For all we know, humans of the Realms are wired differently from humans of Earth. Our respective cultures share similarities (or more specifically, Realmsian human cultures are strongly derivative of ours), but the biggest differences are often in the subtleties, and without being able to experience another world’s subtle cultural elements, applying our rules just always feels faulty on some level.

Nonetheless, with his specific set of circumstances, Entreri does have more than enough reason to be misanthropic. The vast bulk of his life experiences involving other people is those others seeking to exploit his skills, and this sort of objectifying behavior towards him would’ve most likely led him to see others as egocentric vultures that only want to use him as a pawn to further their own trivial ends. This would certainly explain why he’s so intolerant about anyone trying to hold any sort of power over him. Furthermore, he’s more competent than most other people, and he knows it, which makes having to deal/work with them especially frustrating, and that is why he prefers to work alone. Even when he encounters someone on his level, he still prefers to do his own thing, because ultimately, he doesn’t trust anyone, and even if it’s the case that his soulmate’s out there and he meets them one day, his trust is something that’ll take him a long time to give, if ever. To Entreri, other people are by default nuisances and he’d rather avoid them altogether. Unlike Drizzt, who aches for company, compassion and understanding, Entreri wants his free will to never be impeded by anyone else. With a goal like that, bringing anyone else into the picture automatically poses some degree of threat. I think that the core reason as to why I believe that Entreri doesn’t necessarily need the same set of circumstances as Drizzt does, is because, quite frankly, Drizzt had a much easier time in his early life than Entreri did. Certainly, the depravity of Menzoberranzanyr drow probably makes the depravity of Calimshan’s criminals pale in comparison, however what Drizzt always had, that Entreri didn’t, was a beacon of hope. He had Zaknafein, who stood by him with steadfastness for as long as he could, and then he had Guenhwyvar, who he could always 100% trust to be on his side when she could be around. I’m not saying that Drizzt’s early life was a total picnic, since Zaknafein did die and Guen could only come every few days or so. However, compared to Entreri’s only source of trust betraying him so completely and literally no love at all growing up… I’ll just say that I know which one I’d rather pick if I had to go through either one’s childhood/adolescence. I do however fear that there wouldn’t be enough parchment in all of Faerûn for me to write the appropriate amounts of whiny, preachy, self righteous and sanctimonious journal entries in. In any case, because of these discrepancies, Entreri is used to being alone, whereas as we see in the books, especially during the Neverwinter Saga, Drizzt can’t handle it. Being alone is familiar to Entreri, and familiarity breeds comfort. I’m not saying that Entreri needs to be alone to be happy, just that he’s one of those characters that can be just fine on his own. Besides, being alone doesn’t automatically equate to being lonely unless you’re in poor company, and Entreri is anything but poor company.

All of that said, I think that a lover would make more sense to Entreri than would a friend, but I don’t think either would be enough to “complete” him, even if he doesn’t need someone else in order to be complete. While the passage of time might change his views, I don’t think it will temper his tendency to deal in absolutes when it comes to certain things, and I think personal relationships are one of those things. Rather than having friends, I see him as having a bunch of acquaintances that might refer to him as a friend and with whom he might even reciprocate that custom. However, he’d only have one person who’s so close to him, someone who would be all of the things he might need: his lover, his partner, his best friend, his family. He doesn’t like people, and this is something so fundamental that I don’t see it flipping, hence why one person is enough and probably all that he’d tolerate/allow to get that close to him. Which of course makes it all the more devastating if he ever loses that person, but such is the fate of those who deal in absolutes. Put this way, it sure sounds like Entreri won’t ever be happy, doesn’t it? I’m not trying to doom him to a life of misery, but in reality, many people, especially those that have undergone hardships, aren’t ever able to attain the sort of happiness that we’re conditioned to go after. But you know, that’s ok, because even if Entreri isn’t feeling actively happy most days, if he has his freedom and free will, if he’s not being suppressed and if he’s still alive, that is enough. Because happiness is a journey, not a destination, and so long as he keeps going on, he doesn’t need to be anything other than himself, and I think that the ability to be ourselves is the greatest happiness of all. ]]

[bates--boy]

;;- Decided to post a second one today because we’re having yet another goddamn thunderstorm that may cut off our WiFi! :^)

Bright, big, hazel eyes spotted him, and a sweet voice squeaked, “Mermaid Man!” as sandals on tiny feet pittered across the grass, then the gravel, tiny, plump arms spread wide, and the doll swinging from a sling tied around tiny shoulders.

“Kris!” Peter cheered as he caught the little girl who threw herself at him. He had to let the equipment case, which was just a regular hard shell suitcase with wheels, teeter over and fall to catch her. He swept her up , half his mind wondering if this is overly inappropriate considering that he was only here on business, and he had just met this child and her family only a week ago, that the only reason he knew her parents’ names -- Oladayo and Astrid -- was because of the check with their names printed on it, and the time between their first meeting at the aquarium and now was not nearly enough time for any of them to be so chummy.

But then Charlie followed his sister out and waited for Kris to climb off Peter to come in for a hug, too, and even kept a hand on Peter’s back as he guided them all to the backyard. Nurtured familiality, Peter can get behind that.

And the hugs continued once they were in the backyard, from Astrid who invited Peter to have some snacks and drinks before and after his show, and Oladayo, who took him to see his mother-in-law. And when Peter was actually brought forth to the guest of honor, it was… quite a shock.

Not to say that senior citizens did not any longer have life and youth in their eyes, but this one was not someone Peter expected. When they said she was too “weak” to travel to see his show like many of his fans could, he thought she was a hunched-over biddy, stark white hair tightened in a high bun, gnarled fingers working with knitting needles, glasses big and thick enough to be windows. Not someone who -- and this was the skin-tingling thing -- looked to be chronologically the same age as him and just starting to go gray. 

At least he had the wheelchair right, and she indeed have glasses, though they were the fashionable cat type that, with her touches of gray in her pinned up black hair and her great choice of maroon lipstick, gave her an intelligent, regal, yet fun look. And if it weren’t for the wheelchair, the clatter of pill bottles in her purse every time she moved, and the slightly sallow tint to her hands that couldn’t be hidden away with makeup, Peter would have thought this beautiful, well-aged woman with the great figure wasn’t--

Dammit, Peter, not now! He scolded himself at the first signs of heat blooming on his cheeks and in his guts. He swallowed when he bent down to give the woman -- “Dahlia,” she said, “pleasure to meet you!”-- a hug. This is just business, this is just business.

After forcing a cup of fruit punch into his hand, Astrid led Peter to the raised deck in the center of their backyard, where chairs were arranged around the wood and stone structure. “Do you need any help with setting up?”

Peter, who tried to collect his head and rid his memory of Dahlia’s perfume -- expensive and imported, a fragrance of roses and rain, none of that senior toilette spray that smelled like a bouquet in a sterile hospital room -- stammered, “O-oh! No, no, it’s fine, I got it.”

He hoisted the equipment case up as Astrid returned to co-hosting the birthday party, and laid it down gently to open it. First, the base, a web of poles with weight at each of their rubber ends to keep the structure in place while he swung, then the pole, what used to be a dance pole that became a leg for the rig system. With the base set up, Peter climbed it to install the upper rig, a series of bars and bearings. He had attached the silks, yellow and glittering, to the hooks, and then climbed down to down the rest of his drink. 

By the time he had his sound system going, nothing fancy beyond his phone and miniature speakers and his selection of songs, people were already taking seats, and Oladayo was wheeling Dahlia up close. Peter stood in the center of them all, with the deck lights shining bright on him from the corners, despite it still being relatively light this evening. It had to be Astrid, who rushed off the spacious back porch to get a seat next to her mother. 

He bowed, feeling his ponytail slide over his shoulder, straightened, and went to the sound system set up on his suitcase to start the playlist.

I didn't ask for a free ride

I only asked you to show me a real good time

I never asked for the rainfall

At least I showed up, you showed me nothing at all

A water-themed playlist, though at that moment, with Dahlia watching and probably not a fan of either of the singers of the first song, Peter was suddenly embarrassed to have this playlist going. Still, he slid his fingers down the front of his jumpsuit, undoing the buttons with ease, and let the suit drop to his ankles.

The kids laughed. Of course, they laughed, and some of the adults, too, who may have grown up on the inside joke. The costume for the event was an orange unitard, a shimmering, silky fabric with violet felt shells running up his legs and to his chest, with matching color gloves and face makeup; he donned black flats and a black wrap around his hips. Essentially, he took Kris’s darling nickname for him -- Mermaid Man -- and ran with it. 

He remembered to swish and twirl while he sashayed to the dangling yellow silks, forcing his drink to stay down because he was aware, too aware, that he was doing this alone. He had no other performers to help keep the audience alive and going. He should love being the one and only in the spotlights, the center of attention, the challenge. Yet…

He swept himself up on the silks, hanging upside down. And from that vantage point, he and Dahlia locked eyes. He saw her smile, and just below her, sitting on her lap, was Kris, her eyes angelic and full, her doll replica of him held against her chest. She made the doll wave. He waved back.

Screw this, this family is getting their money’s worth. 

Like magic had filled him when he inhaled, Peter sensed a spark in his body, moving him in ways that he had not even practiced in the long week, but he was going to be damned sure he pulled off like his life depended on it. He didn’t want to just pose on the silks and just swing so his body is the art, he wanted to swing, himself; he wanted to spin on the silks, he wanted to dance around the silks, he wanted to somersault and cartwheel and spring. Hell, if it weren;t for the children in the audience, he would have thrown in a couple spins on the pole just for the birthday girl.

And, minus the pole dancing, Peter had succumbed to all of his whims, realizing he had done so when he swept to the floor at the base of the silks, the audience roaring as the last song drew to an end. He stood, took another deep breath to cool the warmth on his face, and bowed. 

His head was spinning when he descended the deck stairs, and was grateful that Kris met him with another cup of punch to quench his thirst. His head still spun when the guests left their seats to continue the party in the spacious area, and Kris grabbed his hand to go introduce him to her kindergarten friends, and when Charlie dragged him to his group of friends to take a selfie with them, and when Astrid insisted on him staying for cake and presents, and when Dahlia gave him another hug and whispered in his suddenly red ear that he sure did know how to razzle and dazzle, and when Oladayo had trapped him in a mob of adults who shook his hand and clapped his shoulder and told them about their own family events and business parties that needed a bit of extra fun, and--

“So, can you make it next month?”

And the muffled gust of wind stopped. Peter blinked, suddenly aware that he was trapped in a group of people holding slices of half-eaten cake and scoops of ice cream. He could taste the buttercream and chocolate in his own mouth when he sputtered, “U-uh, what?”

The man he was facing raised an eyebrow, sharing glances with his friends. “I said can you make it to my meeting party next month? Are you available at that time?”

Peter nodded. “O-oh! Yeah, right. Yes! I mean…” He cleared his throat. “I have to check my schedule--” god, did he feel pretentious saying that! “--but I’m sure I am. I can email you.”

The man nodded, digging in his pocket and pulling out a business card. “Cool, cool. Okay, here’s my contact info and the address of the building where we’re hosting. I’ll send you more details if you can squeeze me into your calendar.”

Peter reached out to take the card, and all of a sudden, more hands with slips of handwritten notes and cards came flying his way. Peter nearly dropped his plate of cake and ice cream trying to get them all and put them in his jumpsuit pocket. 

When the party started to dwindle and Peter returned to the deck to disassemble his performance setup, his skin tingled, all the way down to his fingertips and the soles of his feet. The world, though darkening at this time of day, looked so much brighter.