#just had my midlife crisis and im not even alive

[spectralquartzafterdark]

👀👀 okay that was Jules??? Holy scrap im excited!! Now Rosie whatcha got cooking?!

Sure, this one needs a smidgen of context though. My brother told me what the original ending was going to be for Bayverse Dark of the Moon and it's been on my mind a lot lately. Imagine that Megatron having to atone for his war crimes. And then getting stuck with a powderpuff of a mechanic (My self insert Rosie) 😂 Call it a midlife crisis. It's uh gotten out of hand so here's a chunk of it. Heck I don't even know if it'll get posted. Also, mention of Noah because I'm mushing continuities together!

Something in him hated this. It hated her kindness. And he hated her not because he was cruel, but because he was starting to understand why the bots trusted her. He hated that he felt an attachment forming. He hated that a thought of staying in this place crossed his mind. He hated that even with his records she never treated him as an enemy. He hated everything about her and this situation and yet the moment the others left he tried to keep her attention for awhile longer. He needed it.

“How… did you learn to repair Cybertronians?” he asked wanting to learn more about her despite the dark energy in his Spark screaming at him to leave it.

“Well, for the minor stuff I learned from Ratchet initially. Basic biology and terminology and the like. It’s very similar to things we have here so it wasn’t too terrible. Especially considering my father taught me to repair automotive vehicles.” Rosie said as she began to clean up the workshop so she could work on his right hydraulic tomorrow, “Then Noah taught me to sew bots back together. So, long as we can get parts from their chosen earth altmode it seems to be an easy task.”

“And reviving bots?” Megatron seemed almost cautious with this question as he carefully sat back down on the concrete floor of the hangar.

“As Jazz said, it was an accident.” she chuckled, “When he was brought to us his Spark was in one piece, just dormant. And one day while Noah and I were stitching him together I had a brilliant idea. What if your Sparks needed the same electrical pulses it took to revive our hearts? And well, I took my taser and just shoved it to the Sparks case holding and there he was. Dazed and confused, but alive. It wasn’t planned just a stroke of luck.”

“A risk… one that worked out in your favor. Interesting…” he said watching as she hopped onto a lift to get to his level.

“Mmhmm. And besides, he was thought to be dead. So, if it failed it wouldn’t matter. It was worth the risk.” she explained coming to level with his optics, “I can also repair aesthetic injuries like your helm with steel. So, long as I treat it like a transplant your energon, blood… or well the equivalent seems to grow over it and make it apart of you. Jazz? That panel on his abdomen that you tore in two? That is a steel replacement I did.”

Megatron recoiled at the mention of the war crime he had committed. Not only had she definitely been told about his past, but it was absolutely eerie how she spoke about it so calmly. But, beneath that was relief. She didn’t seem to judge him for his poor decisions made from being power hungry and filled with a rage that he still fought with despite the truce.

“I see why Sam trusts your work.” He said.

“I wouldn’t say that exactly, I think he trusts Noah more than me. But, only because he’s been doing it longer. Mirage isn’t going to believe me when I tell him I got to help repair you.” she snorted leaning on the rail, “Listen, I am highly aware of the circumstances between you and the other bots. But, I’m also highly aware of how and why it happened.”

“Then why are you helping me?” his voice was low as if he was a dog ready to bite.

“Sometimes, kindness is enough.” She responded.

Something inside of him clicked. Though he couldn’t quite place what it was. He watched as she lowered the lift. He gritted his dentae as his mind whirred with what that meant. Kindness was still a concept he had issues with. He couldn’t fully grasp it. Yet. So, he decided to leave it. It was a sentiment he could live with.

“I’ll see you in the morning.” she said, “If the others give you trouble let me know.”

With that she left and all he could do is sit and stare into the wall in front of him. He didn’t even notice the others coming in. He was ruminating about what was said. What it meant. Why would anyone give him kindness? He was aware of what he did and clearly this human was to. So, why? Enough? What was that supposed to mean?

[audible--silence]

I could talk the leg off a chair

“Ive seen more life in a morgue” - cbh on jan 26

Cant even afford my own midlife crisis

What should I do? Comes the deep down question.

“Whatever you want “

“Something noble”* out of easy reach

“Kill your self”

Come the answers

The latter still scares me

I never get used to it

I feel like im always waiting for the worst to hit

The best never comes

But neither does the worst

Yet im still here breathing

Unsure on what to do next

Just when I started to get used to it.

The luxury of close friends.

The type that you get to see

The ones you see week to week and face to face.

The ones you feel like yourself with.

The ones you never have to miss.

The feeling of home

The luxury of knowing the crowd

The power of being known.

To stare down the barrel of leaving it all again is suddenly more daunting than it used to be. To stare down everything you know and love and say “I’ll catch up with you again” is suddenly ambitious for i worry this time, maybe I’ll be left behind by them

“You didnt walk, you just floated”

“We dont see eye to eye, but we see eye to eye about it”

Night night sleep tight dont let the existential dreadbugs bite

The last lesson Jimmy might’ve taught me is that no matter how shit it gets, no matter how awful your life turns, no matter how much you abuse your body in the name of fun, no matter how alone you feel, despite your family or friends, you can take yourself out of this life at any moment you choose

“Who ordered a yappachino”

“You’re a social terrorist”

“You look like thd loading screen character “

“I see people for who they are. Minorities.”

“He’s a great bloke when he’s asleep”

I heard stories a plenty of people who had no purpose and then later found one and felt reinvigorated with life. More uncommon is going the other way and finding yourself losing the passion and love you previously had for life. To realize that you don’t find much enjoyment in anything much in particular after previously

To feel alive is to stand upon a volcano and be in awe of the sight before you.

To surf a wave you didnt think youd make

To score a goal you didnt think youd kick

To snag a photo you couldn’t have imagined

When you take a bite of something delicious that you wouldn’t ordinarily pick.

To meet someone with a smile so sweet and a soul so warm and a heart to match the two

These are what i will spend my life chasing

Not money

Not dreams

Just moments of pure and undeniable joy and love of life

“They make drinking somewhere between a pastime and a competitive sport”

Mind like a diamond, tongue like a chainsaw

In one day i feel more at home and comfortable in someone else’s family dinner than at my own. I am a stranger in my family, devoid of love and understanding and ripe with sharpened knives and guards up. I find myself swimming in melancholy as i sit in the living room as an observer to their chaotic and loving raucous. They’re obviously tapped. But they love each other and accept their differences.

Theres a joy in the room that i dream off and will never experience.

That love you only find in family.

Its easy to forget it exists when you haven’t experienced it and dont see it often so to then stare it in the face, knowing the abundance of joy these guys experience is not isolated to a unique moment and to know that they all grew up and will continue to grow up with this as their family experience makes me long for something i never had.

“$120 for therapy. Thats like 12 bubbleteas and i think that will make me far happier”

The problem with loving a lot of things is that we’ll always be satisfied and never be content

Feels weird to be getting to the age where people stop telling you “you’re young! You have time!”

“Everyone raise your glasses… buffalo”

All cap no god

The older i get, the more acutely aware that what I have with my friends, this army of extended mates and small circle of incredibly close mates, is really not normal

“She steps in the shit by putting her foot in her own mouth”

One day you’re stealing showers from a caravan park while living out of your car by the beach and the next you’re paycheck to paycheck with sensodyne toothpaste and a sore back

“Till death does it’s part”

“On a never ending quest to put holes into the bottom of my vans”

“Put a burrata on a mouse trap”

Plodding along happily in existential terror haha

Its like putting out a fire with a bandaid.

My desire to never be bored has made me boring. Its impossible to have an interesting thought when your brain craves constant distraction

“I am aggressive! I give bad reviews to airbnbs n shit”

The city as a dreamer is an thrilling and miserable experience. Every new face is a chance to connect. Everyone could be someone. Everyone could be the one. Sitting on the edge of your seat in anticipation only to walk home by your lonesome again and again knowing the chances are out there somewhere but yet again, you failed to find them today.

Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe you’ll change.

“Bros tryna gaslight me into thinkin hes funny”

If the body keeps the score, mines lost count

[lizzieblabbers]

im sorry i neglected this blog

not gonna lie, life has been pretty messy lately. a lot is happening all at once, and i am sad to inform you that my little brain can't just keep up.

i am sooooooo busy with school (uni is uni-ying), personal life is going upwards then downwards then upwards again it's like im in a fucking roller coaster each day i wake, my mind is undergoing some sort of midlife crisis i dont even know i had... you get the picture

these may be some of the reasons why i havent written anything for the past few months, but to address the elephant in the room--yes, i have lost my 'passion' for writing. i have completely lost the magic.

it's hard to admit, but i am not producing any creative juice lately. at least to my liking.

wow, it feels so different to actually acknowledge it. the fuck HAHA

anyway i know ill eventually find my way back again, but i am sure as heck (i cant curse its good friday) it would not be right now.

i promised myself to get back to writing drabbles every sunday, but it seems like the universe is testing every fiber of my being so the first quarter of the year is already close to being done and my wips aren't getting anywhere...

ok so today honestly i woke up with a headache, stayed longer in bed than intended, and did not show up for my daily morning walks so i guess i should have known im gonna have a bad day (which, ironically, gave way to the writing and actual posting of this entry??)

i should sleep early today and end the week productively because i honestly have a lot to do and on top of that, i have a class on monday!!?

okay enough for this rant post, i just want to know the internet people that im still alive nd kicking (at least, im trying to)

BYERZ EXPECT TO HEAR MORE FROM ME IN THE SUCCEEDING DAYS (hopefully)

[le-higuu]

Ahahaha!

I'm gonna die!

QwQ

[askthecrazyheartsgang]

The Darkness among the stars

A short story by kc Taylor called THE DARKNESS AMONG THE STARS CHAPTER 1 MIDLIFE CRISIS

My life has gone and shifted from what I'd consider normal to the complete Insane it all started a few months ago I was taking my sweetheart Becky to make out point no what your thinking of right now did not happen there are children present for peets sake now let me continue ..a hmm we went to make out point to look at the stars and just hang out .(Becky)"Hay Jermy what do you think of when you look up at all them stars" (Jermy)"well I'd like to think of angel's some were out there on one of those far off planets looking back at us wondering what we wounder about space that some were out there there's life out there" (Becky) "Jermy that's really sweet sediment but its really unlikely that there any thing but a few planets ,moons and balls of gas out there besides we as human race over the last fifty years know more about space then our own oceans" (Jermy)" But is not there all ways more to be discovered they are all ways discovering new animals Im sure one day as Earthlings we will one day meet those far off angels among the stars."(Becky) "ohh Jermy believe what you will lets enjoy this moment ." Then me and Becky looked to watch the falling stars me with my arm around Becky if only I had known our lives were about to change for better or worse.we fell a sleep in the car with the radio on playing 90s music with the heat turned off it was the hottest day in summer so it just was not needed .We were nice and comfortable in the van . the next morning I woke abruptly to to find the oxygen was gone I was coking out in space a drift from the place I called home right when my vision was going dark a pink blur come to my I felt a great paint in my left arm then I was out like a light .I awoke for the second time alarmed to find my left arm was replaced with another it was sharp human insect like arm that was a light pink color it shined like crystals you think I'd be happy to be alive but you'd be wrong I was dead mad my body had been altered for most likely in my mind no good reason . I rushed to my feet all most falling back over the ground .I adjusted my self to find I was in the company of a naked pink insect person with two horns on the left side and one horn and the right side his eyes were blue .Now he looked amused by me and spoke in a humble tune "Salutations I'm glade the transplant saved your life now please do be angry it was necessary to keep you alive in our atmosphere you see that arm is breathing for you there is no oxygen for you to breath so it's changing your body so it adapts to breathing our Gigure " (Jermy) "where's Becky and my Van"(insectoid) "ohh the human female she's been adapting quite well here on Bloge but you see there's something really important I must tell you" (Jermy) " Enough I don't want to hear any more till I see Becky " (insectoid) "well my name is smape now please follow me to the human female named Becky " so we walked through the jungle clement away from the tent to a large ball tent made by what I hoped was mud and sticks .(Smape)"she's in here but I must tell you ..." (Jermy)"what ever it is it can wait .I opened the tent in shock there was Becky Pregnant with a small group of human children and a big buffaloes bug thing .(Becky)"I see you've finely woke up please let me ex plane before you loose your cool" and I lost it I garbed Becky by the arm she hesitated I started to run pulling Becky with me ignoring her explanation I could not handle it all of this change finely I stoped falling to my nee's Becky came putting her arm on my shoulder (Becky)"I know this is a lot to take in but I need to tell you whats all going on .Im a surrogate mother for all lot of these aliens the big buffalo bug is my husband now you were asleep for ten years and Gerg and me share a brain he risked his life to keep me alive and the alien that gave its arm to you he has ran off because you were sending him angry thoughts now you are welcomed to come live with me there's well a lot of room to go around"(Jermy )"look at this from my perspective I just woke up with my arm gone in a place that is unfamiliar and now your telling me you've left me for another because you got tired of waiting for me " (Becky)"Jermy my relationship with Grag is only spiritual It's more like a spirit animal relation ship then the romantic relationship I still wish to have with you "(Jermy)"I don't know what to make out of all this I need time to adapt and clear my head ." (Becky)that's fine go find your self Ill be waiting in the den." THE DARKNESS AMONG THE STARS CHAPTER 2 Deep seeded Jermy sat beside a large tree on top a mushroom looking tord the ocean wondering how did it get this way  and what do I do now everything changed so much but I still want to be with Becky she means so much to me pulse she waited for me for so long not knowing if I would even wake up it means so much to me she never gave up hope.What Becky is to me is my sweet heart through and through we met in Collage some butt crunch had been taking her books right out of her hands holding them up above her were she could not reach she was three feet tall wail the jerk was five feet tall I went up an garbed her books back handing the to Becky wail the jerk went up to hit me Becky kicked him in the groin garbed my hand  and we ran After that we got close. All of the shouden I heard some one whispering "Jermy im in trouble come save me Im down in a hole come help me !" I looked around "Hay were are you there no hole I ran to my van garbed some rope putting it around my shoulder .I went carefully through the forest the tree's were like plume and pine mixed together Giant mushrooms with swirling color all around like pacoso I could hear the voice agen this time more clearly " I down here  just do fall in "I looked down  right next to me was a deep black hole (Jermy)"don't worry you'll be safe soon !"I tied the rope to a rock lowering the other end in to the hole saying"tie it around your waist " (the voice)"its tied pleased  pull me out" I pulled him out to my surprise he was a crystal pink horned insectoid with an human arm/hand .(Jermy)"its you . your the one who has my limb "(crystal insectoid)"Please don't hurt me!"(Jermy)"whoa Im not gonna hurt you after all i just saved you "(crystal insectoid)"oh I thought you were still mad about your arm "(Jermy)" no Im just going through motions right now besides if we dident switch arms I would be dead right you only did what you had to to save me right?"(crystal insectoid)"Right"(Jurmy)"then don't fret about it any more and Ill let it go too now you know my name now let me know yours"(crystal insectoid)"My name is Salmus thank you for saving me" (Jurmy)"we'll just call it even for you saving me before "(Salmus)all right let head back to the village"(Jermy)"You know what ya lets do that. THE DARKNESS AMONG THE STARS CHAPTER 3  Acceptance Jermy and Salmas returned to the village were Becky welcomed them in happy arms (Becky)"so you figured out what you want to do Jermy?"(Jermy)"Ya I have but can we be alone for a bit I have some thing I have to tell you to night "(Becky)"As long as you don't try to run off pulling my arm off agen "(Jermy)"no I wont do that just meet me at the Van tonight"(Becky)"all right see you to night lover boy" Later that night (Jermy)"Becky wear this bind fold "(Becky)"all right "Jermy guided Becky in the Van dove the Van then stopped (Jermy)"you can take the blind fold off now "Becky undid the blind fold to see Jermy on one nee (Becky) "are you doing what I think your doing ?"(Jermy)"well I was planing to do it before be never found the right time till now but hmm Becky will you Marry me ?"(Becky)"oh god yes !"Becky leaped in to Jermys arms hugging him (Jermy)"Be careful of the baby Becky"(Becky)"opse I forgot I was even pregnant "(Jermy)"We'll have one of our own one day to"(Becky)"I would like that very much "as we looked tord the stars once agen Becky asked"so were you angels what you expected or what"(Jermy)"they were more then I ecspected  but they help us stay together even in space". with smiles on their faces this is the end or maby just the beginning?

[barghuest]

so like

i’ve been obsessed w fall out boy and panic at the disco again

i’ve shown my sis the naruto anime and the fighting games and she is obsessed with it and i'd be lying if i said it didn’t affect me

i’ve been trying to style myself more like in my old goth days and drop this boring ass ‘i let myself go’ look 

...it’s almost like im trying to be 16 or so again

whelp

[legos-lass]

@astrolindsey​ u dont have to read all of this youre my fiance and ik you love me already

1. Favorite (Reprise)

honestly part of your old (reprise) from the little mermaid (alan menken) just THOSE HIGH NOTES MMM. i love theres a fine fine line (reprise) from avenue q cuz its adorable but it is like two lines so.

2. already answered

3. If you could go back in time to see a certain production, which one would it be?

AMERICAN IDIOT WHEN BILLIE WAS ST. JIMMY. NO EXPLANATION NEEDED.

4. Who should write a musical?

i would watch the shit out of an existentialist comedic musical written by bo burnham. hes so hilarious and his songs are so catchy sjiowehefhe.

5. The routine you recreate when home alone:

every. part. of. one. day. more. from. les. mis. simultaneously.my bio used to be something like “my main hobby is recreating all eight parts of one day more by myself” and it is still true. but also hello! from bom but it fails miserably because i try to act out all the parts oof ouch.

6. A duet you’d love to perform and with whom.

if you were gay from avenue q with me as rod and john tartaglia as nicky. now hear me out ik john is supposed to be rod and rick lyon is supposed to be nicky but 1. rod is like My Role™ and as much as i also love rick, john was my fave member of the obc and ik he can do different voices well so...yeah hes gonna be nicky now so i can sing with him.

7. A musical everyone can learn from.

here we go again but avenue q. wowie zowie i like went through a midlife crisis the first time i listened to it but for now actually? changed? my? life? and everyones a little bit racist i mean cmon read my bio. theres so much about it that is so useful even if it seems a bit pessimistic. also elder price from bom learning to use his mission to actually help others and not just to be treated really well if heaven is some good shit but avenue q wins cuz i wasnt religious to begin with.

8. already answered

9. Favorite person to play (insert role)

okay well im gonna fill this in myself and say elder price and say MY BOY THE ETERNALLY PERFECT NIC ROULEAU I CANT BELIEVE I GOT TO SEE HIM ON BROADWAY AND MEET HIM!!!

10. Best digital #ham4ham

uhhhh well like i said in my last post i dont like hamilton really so i have no idea what this means sorry

11. Make up a name and the ingredients for a Waitress pie.

okay well ive only just started listening to waitress and im not nearly as creative with names (or passive aggressive with them) as jenna but uh i really like chocolate pie but ive never seen a nutella one so. yeah that sounds delicious. the name would be something about remington leith idk.

12. already answered

theres no 13 i guess cuz it is unlucky lmao

14. Express your love for the orchestras!

*inhales* GOD THE ORCHESTRA JUST MAKES THE MUSICAL. GO LISTEN TO ANY SONG FROM LES MIS AND TRY NOT TO GET CHILLS FROM THE INSTRUMENTALS I DARE YOU.

15. Favorite musical written by (insert composer, lyricist)

well lynz youre a FOOL and didnt send me a composer or lyricist so im just gonna reiterate that i love les mis it has been my favorite musical for so many years and i cant believe that my friend ryan saw it on broadway and i didnt.

16. Which part (or parts) do you sing in One Day More?

but especially my love eponine

17. A line that never fails to make you laugh.

runs to get my official avenue q script that i spent $20 on to make sure i get the line perfectly right

rod: well--i have this friend--

christmas eve: nicky?

r: no no--another friend. and i think he has a very big problem. i think--ithink my friend is (whispers) gay

ce: what wrong with that? you know rod. gay people make major contribution ro art and philosophy and literature for many hundreds of years now

r: but my friend isnt an artist--hes a republican. and an investment banker.

ce: ew. well tell him to stay in closet then. he good for nothing.

r: (a moment) ...well okay! great! thanks for the advice!

ce: yeah i wouldnt want a friend like that!

r: thanks again!

ce: bye now (she goes inside)

rod: bye bye! (beat. to the audience) ...shit.

18. An upcoming production you’re excited for.

DEAR EVAN HANSEN US TOUR

19. Do you have any funny misheard lyrics from a showtune?

yknow im sure i do but i cannot think of any right now...all i can think of is i used to think (on my own) “the trees are full of starlight” was “the tree’s are fluff’s delight” i have no idea what that means but it made sense to my young mind

20. A musical you would NEVER see with your parents.

avenue q. hahahahahahaha no puppet sex with rebecca and michael. but lets be honest my mum wants to go back to the city to see it off broadway since only i got to see it and if shes gonna buy me a ticket im totally seeing it again idc.

21. Musicals can introduce you to new cultures, interests, fancy words and so on. Name 3 things you’ve learned form musicals.

bom: literally everything i know about the church of jesus christ of latter day saints is from this musical except for polyamory and salt lake city.

hamilton: alexander was NOT a president. i really dont care about us history whoops

les mis: I Learned Im Not Straight Because Of Samantha Barks

22. Favorite OBC.

avenue q mmmmm love u john tartaglia

23. Cast recording you know by heart.

les mis movie sountrack i literally have like 98% of this musical memorized

24. Cast recording for a long car ride.

grease (movie soundtrack) is a bop and my whole family likes it *fingerguns*

25. Favorite Miscast performance.

i havent listened to too many and ik this one doesnt really count but idc cuz i love it. nic rouleau singing go the distance from hercules is my sexuality.

26. already answered

27. Showtune of the day:

im gonna go with two by two from bom cuz im listening to it right now and suidfuesrf it just kills me -the fucking chicken waddling walk ass choreography -WE ARE THE ARMY OF THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST oflatterdaysaints -ORLANDOOOOO I LOVE YA ORLANDOOOO -PUTT putt golfINGGGGG -arnold: thats me thats me hello. kevin: oh. hi! in the most fucking “:)” voice ever

28.  Who would play you in a musical about your life?

i would hope samantha barks (les mis 25th anniversary and movie eponine) cuz we have similar ranges and shes so beautiful and she is my Favorite Theatre Actress

29. Who would play your best friend in a musical about your life?

im gonna go with dana steingold (ave q current kate/lucy) really for no other reason than shes adorable and has a versatile voice and seems really sweet. i feel like we would be friends in real life.

30.  Who would play your romantic interest in a musical about your life?

honestly like maybe ben durocher (ave q current princeton/rod)? idk he just has a voice that i love and looks adorable in his glasses

31. already answered

32. Describe yourself with 3 musical theatre characters.

eponine from les mis (what a surprise), kate monster from avenue q, sophie from mamma mia

33. A character that inspires you to be better. (does la la land count? im counting it) mia from la la land cuz she has a similar personality to me but less Anxiety which ends up helping her achieve her dream. i want to be like that

34. A showtune that always puts you in a good mood. bend and snap from legally blonde idk it’s just so fun and makes me feel confident it is nice

35. A showtune that makes you feel melancholic. there are worse things i could do from grease

36. Best showstopper. i believe from bom oh my gosh when i heard nic rouleau sing it live for the first time i had GOOSEBUMPS and it has just the right amount of humor to bootedit: OH JUST KIDDING LOVE U BOM BUT DEFINITELY BEING ALIVE FROM COMPANY OH Y GOD. I CANT CHOOSE BETWEEN NEIL PATRICK HARRISS’ VERSION AND RAUL ESPARZA’S THEY BOTH GIVE ME SHIVERS

37. A place you consider to be your Santa Fe. this must be from a musical i havent seen? idk well it looks really beautiful and not very busy so i guess...oakland? it feels like home to me

38. The name of the prettiest theater you’ve been to. eugene o’neill theatre (bom on broadway) was lovely. i had standing room only tickets so i didnt really get to experience it cuz i was stuck in the back under the mezzanine (still great view though) but i looked around a bit during intermission and the was very royal looking and they had a nice bar area upstairs with CHAIRS I COULD USE

39. The most intense scene from a musical. mmm thats tough. from the little ive seen of moulin rouge so far the tango de roxanne part looks really crazy. so is the cell block tango from chicago. or honestly a LOT of american idiot...i love how badass letterbomb is

40. A great cover of a showtune: i really love this male cover of maybe this time from cabaret (i found this thanks to hetalia 2p!america fanart lmao)

41. Put your phone on suffle and write the first 2 showtunes that appear. 1. master of the house from les mis (10th anniversary)2. mamma mia from mamma mia (original cast)

42. Best design of a Playbill. i love effective minimalism so once