#just gonna toot my own horn

[inquisimail]

:)

[sraksha]

Some anatomy practice doodles. Except i put some clothes on them for Tumblr's sake. Wouldn't want their nudes to be leaked now would we lol

[evantualmao]

damon (repackaged, four times!!!!)

[hypnagogics]

will u gworls still read hce if it hypothetically breaks 10k words- (now i ain't there YET but how it's going, i wouldn't put it past it yikes...what can i say i'm a yapper at heart when it comes to excessively using words for the sake of sayin shit)

[b0amagination]

Tastes of Whumptober: Day 7

Everybody thank @brutal-nemesis for her cave knowledge and help today!

If you've been sitting here saying "wow boa, this stuff is great, but I really need a character based off the warlock class of DND struggling to serve their patron!" then you're really gonna like today's writing and you should buy a lottery ticket.

Content warning: Claustrophobia in the form of a very narrow cave. Take care of yourselves!

Magic with a Cost

The walls of the cave were definitely getting narrower now. Where there had once been enough room to stretch out his arms, his fingertips now brushed against the rough, stone walls on either side. 

The adventurer sent the shadows of these depths away, leaving an otherworldly light. Controlling the darkness was strange in that way. If he banished it, there could only be light in its absence.

He unfurled the parchment on which a very drunk bar customer had scribbled the map of this cave system. It occurred to him that he should’ve tried harder to persuade them, rather than simply buying drinks until he got what he wanted. But it wasn’t his fault his patron had been so stingy with their powers recently. 

Well. Not entirely his fault.

If he’d read the disjointed scribbles of ink correctly, this crevice would lead to a wider cavern housing the element his patron was after. 

Pushing forward the walls narrowed further, just as promised, until they were pushing against his sides. They were moist, wetting his cloak just enough to feel the clammy chill this far underground, but the grainy texture still chafed against bare arms. He wrapped his cloak around himself, sliding further into the crevice, finally able to spot an opening just ahead.

His shoulders were too wide after a while and he sidled ahead instead, but then even the cloak was too thick to pass through. Reluctantly, he unclasped it and regretted his sleeveless style. Though usually functional in conflict to avoid overheating, his teeth were now chattering and his arms and shoulders were being scraped raw. 

With one final lunge, he emerged in a round cavern. It still felt remarkably like a hallway, longer than it was wide, but he could finally breathe again. He summoned a fire for light this time, remembering his instructions.

Call me when you arrive. I don’t need you messing about with what’s rightfully mine.

He hadn’t quite understood the explanation of why his patron couldn’t travel here themself. The pitch dark of a cave was, naturally, suited to them. But they’d chastised him with explanations about natural light sources, potency of shadows, and how his humanity allowed him to ignore such discrepancies. 

But fire, as a sister to the sun, was a suitable replacement for her. 

Flames danced along the walls revealing what he hadn’t paid attention to before: sloped floors dipping down to a pool in the middle of the room. It couldn’t have been more than a meter deep, and the water was clear all the way to the bottom.

And then he was pulled away from it by a familiar dizziness as his own shadow lurched and twisted. Of course, rather than possessing one of the many eligible shadows around him, his patron had to make their entrance unsettling. His consciousness blurred at the edges until they’d adjusted their physical form to their liking, towering over him with a grin.

“Ahhhhh… and here I was thinking you’d never call me, baby!” They stretched dramatically, hissing sounds and tendrils of smoke imitating the cracking of joints.

“I would never call you that. And you’d be much grumpier if you just made the journey I did.” He was having trouble hiding the goosebumps and smeared blood on his arms.

“You are my spiritual sugar baby if we’re being technical. You’d call me that if it meant I restored your full access to my power.” Their patron laughed, knowing he had no good response to that.

“Well, get going with your thing then. I’d like to stop begging for every miniscule bit of help.”

“Yes, about that. Where the hells have you brought me?” 

“Where ol’ drunkie told me the Treasure of Elmstern Cave is,” he enunciated sarcastically.

“I told you what to do if you wanted my powers of persuasion.”

“And I wasn’t going to give a sermon on a demonic entity to the whole bar, including the guy I needed details from.” 

When his patron touched him in this plane of reality, it was delayed. Their touches were firm and cold, but disconnected from their body. The movement simply happened faster than this realm could process. 

All that to say: when they slapped him, he couldn’t see it coming. A chilly wind preceded harsh contact, only after which did he see the followthrough of their hand before tumbling to the ground. 

“I am not demonic.”

“Yeah? You’re definitely acting like it!” He pushed himself back up, only to find his patron’s manifestation standing directly against him. “I know you’re not a demon, but those without pacts aren’t very understanding.”

“That doesn’t excuse you speaking in such a way.”

“Then just take your fucking treasure and leave me be!” He pushed them back, tired of the cheap intimidation tactics.

“Oh, I would have.” Their tone dropped.

That made their beneficiary freeze.

“And why not?”

“It’s not here.” A flinch.

“But they said-”

“I don’t care what story the town gossip spun for you,” they interrupted, their voice booming and echoing off the walls. “I’ve warned you. Continuous failures prove to me that the essence of your soul may be much more useful than your precious little mortal existence.”

“I-I-” They stalked forward, forcing him to wade into the pool. “I didn’t anticipate the difficulty of your tasks. I’m not useless just because I’m not some… some hotshot who’s been doing nothing since the birth of the universe.” Frustration bit into his words. If they wanted to play rough, he’d do the same.

“Be careful what you say, human.” 

He was choking, and then a hand wrapped around his throat to add the pressure that cut off his words. They were standing in the middle of the pool now, and adrenaline couldn’t stop him tensing up from the freezing cold. 

“Prove to me that your pathetic life is worthy of preservation.”

Their hand plunged him into darkness. 

The water was all encompassing, seeping into each crevice of his being. The grip of his patron loosened and his body breathed before he could stop it, forcing liquid down his throat and up his nose. His feet had left the shallow floor at some point during the struggle, and he couldn’t orient himself. Desperate hands clawed at rocks and his movements kicked up silt, making his eyes absolutely useless. 

Somehow, his grip found purchase and his head met air, desperately coughing up water so he could breathe it in again. How much had he swallowed? He didn’t even remember doing so. 

Tears came next: relief, horror, exhaustion, all of it wracking his body as if he had energy to be wasting on this.

Then the water rippled behind him and a hand found his shoulder.

“Oh, you think you’re done already. How cute.”

[james-p-sullivan]

the one good thing about having amnesia is i can read my own fan fics for the first time

[cicadagaze]

i am about to spend SO much fucking time on this

[the-kipsabian]

if i counted it right (and i counted very fast and my docs is a mess of "untitled document"s galore so i might be off by one to either way), but i have written like. eight fics this week so far

oh buddy oh boy

[postalninja]

I am writing, and The Head That Wears the Crown chapter 28 is coming along, and I’m really happy with it!

Also #h’aanitandbalefriendshipforthewin (I’m loving those two together)

[orcelito]

ok my new trigun maximum time travel fic has been posted!

pls check out In the Next Life, the fic where i am constructively dealing with my wolfwood grief

[umbrellamedic]

Watching the Operation Raccoon City trailer again and...

"No time for samples, Four Eyes!" she could have gotten it from anywhere, Four Eyes chooses THE MOUTH

Four Eyes not even phased about the rest of the team running past hunting cops

Spec Ops hearing gunfire and their first stupid fucking thought "Civvies :)" Like, what??

...ok, killing the Licker with nothing but a knife actually is talent. Not bad, Spec Ops. Not bad. And the 'all clear' after; you don't know that, you have checked one hallway.

Lickers are best boys I love them. <3

Beltway is from Puerto Rico according to his bio. He sounds... Bostonian?? Or something, idk, accents aren't something I'm great with BUT. he sounds like he's from the North East somewhere.

Also I love how he sets up the mine and is just so fucking happy like "Boooom :)" What a lad.

Spectre... maybe... be good at shit.... be better?

The cop looking back at his friend, distracted, GETS BLOWN UP

BERTHA JUST RUNNING FROM THE SIDE WITH HER FUCKING MACHETE. YOU HAVE A GUN. WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS.

But also damn that was some FORCE you put into that swing. The ready to swing again, realizing the machete is STUCK in the car, having to push with her foot to get it out. Love it.

Vector vaults over the rail to jump down into the garage

Lupo vaults over the rail to jump down into the garage

Bertha takes the stairs.

Vector's voice. Yes. Thank you. Purr growl into my ear sir. ^///^

Lupo growling at him. Yes. Thank you. See above statement. ^///^

The closest zombie, then the screen goes dark, then the gunshots light it back up. A very quick moment, but amazing.

Team dealing with a swarm of zombies; IMMEDIATELY FUCK OFF FROM THAT TO CHASE A COP. Very goal oriented. Icons. Love to see it.

Spec Ops hearing gunshots. See the cop running FOR HIS LIFE. just "maybe not civvies??? not sure??" literally Vector has to stealth over and make threats for them to be like "oooooooh. maybe this is dangerous :)" Special babies. Please. PLEASE.

If I ever make another side blog for the Spec Ops team I want you all to know they will all be himbos. ALL OF THEM. Bitch I didn't stutter. Himbo energy for all these spec ops bbies. Sweet summer children. I have no respect. I am v biased.

"Guys. We got a liiiive one." -offended in Texan by this accent- Actually she might be from, like Tennessee or some shit. again, accents aren't my thing. i stand by my statement.

Beltway and Spectre coming in from the other side; literally i've seen this video a billion times and i have never noticed that before. i live in shame.

"This is a quarentine zone!" Sweet bby. PLEASE. why is your first instinct seeing the most maladjusted cunts Umbrella could throw together for what I'm pretty sure Umbrella thought was gonna be a suicide mission or some shit (i am convinced Umbrella spent the entire time hoping they all got fucking dead) who are all HEAVILY ARMED AND CLEARLY CHASING DOWN A MAN RUNNING FOR HIS LIFE IN THE MIDDLE OF A ZOMBIE INFESTED CITY and you're first thought is "i will approach and yell and nothing will go wrong :)" Himbo energy.

Vector. My heart. My life. Thank you for your service. LOUDLY makes a gun sound, starts talking just before he uncloaks. my boy appreciates DRAMA

special bby boy just looks annoyed like 'how DARE they do this to me, a man who has made no bad choices ever'

Also that hair. i appreciate it. none of the Umbrella boys are allowed to show hair and it's not fair.

LUPO JUST LOOKS AT THE COP AND FUCKING SHOOTS HIM. no words for the spec ops people. they aren't a concern until AFTER she completes the mission

just IMAGINE being that cop. you're running from these assholes, you've been shot, your friend was blown up, any others that were with you before this video starts are fucking dead. and you fucking FALL and it's like "i'm gonna die"

then you see spec ops and their resident himbo #1 making demands or whatever. and you're full on cop-brained so you're like "military good. am safe :)" so you're kneeling there expecting some kind of discussion to happen, maybe some hostage things

you never see the shot coming. imagine the relief followed by FUCKING NOTHING because Lupo isn't dignifying the spec ops himbos with discussion.

Vector just KNOWING this means it is go time. Shoots just after Lupo does

WE FINALLY SEE HOW HIMBO #1 HAS LIVED SO LONG. he isn't smart, but damn can he spider sense react. he's read the room- he did it late, but he got there.

Vector's kicks. 100% kick boy. Dem legs. Bet his thighs are great. Love to see it. King shit.

Lupo just calmly "Kill them all" and the team just raise weapons and shoot in unison.

i know they say Delta team is new, but there is NO WAY these people haven't worked together before this mission.

Bertha standing next to Beltway. Listen. I hc a lot of things for this team, but her and Beltway i have MANY FEELINGS about

I was gonna crack shit about Bertha wearing obviously fetish wear while everyone else has normal fabrics Vector's stealth stuff notwithstanding but that's still not the same shit as Bertha but tbh? She's the medic. This is designed for blood and shit to, like, slide off. But also it's like that scene in Repo: The Genetic Opera where the Repoman takes off his uniform and hoses it off. I imagine Umbrella medics do this as well. Or, at least, Bertha does it. Post-mission or post-torture session, she just hangs her outermost layers and fucking hoses them off. It's efficient. Practical. And she likes the look and feel of it. A true sicko. Wonderful.

"Who the Hell are these guys?!" "Let me ask them!" minigun. I like her. Spec Ops has one (1) person i might actually give a shit about.

Vector's stealth ending because he's taking damage from the minigun. I love it.

Side note: all scene, NO ONE CAN HIT SHIT. like, a couple times people will get a single bullet and it won't really matter. just in general. it would be a worse scene if there were people getting dropped, but it does make me laugh that it's two elite teams and literally no one can aim for shit.

speaking of a single hit. Beltway taking a shot to the shoulder, RESPONDS WITH A GRENADE. classic king behavior. his character is shown very strong in this. he's just SO CHARACTER. "Sonova. Bitch. Right back atcha."

lajfl;jads THE GAS PRICE IS $1.15. ok. for '98 i wasn't driving. and i'm pretty sure gas prices here tend to be pretty good compared to other places. but when i started driving in- fuuuuuck- '05 or so, that was gas prices. It was about that. i look at this sign and weep because it sure as shit ain't that cheap now. i need an electric but idk if that will save me money or where i would charge it or anything. this had nothing to do with the game.

Himbo #1 hearing a sound, getting down to look under the car, and just "shit" then RUNNING is such a good bit. the way the explosion FUCKS with the audio. chef's kiss.

that car looks like an Impala i inherited once; it was a '99 Impala. i'm not a car person but that's what i'm reminded of.

ZOMBIE MEAT SHIELD ZOMBIE MEAT SHIELD ZOMBIE MEATSHIELD. one of my favorite things in pvp and in general. it's just. idk, it makes sense to do. more zombie shooting games should have this.

"We need to flank these guys! Now!" And Four Eyes was like 'lawl, guess what :)' It doesn't show who threw the pheromones, but we all know

This zombie thing. is a new problem for the spec ops. I can see Umbrella having pheromones. That makes perfect sense, they need a way to direct the infected. but the spec ops guy just seeing that and KNOWING is like ??? idk. i guess it would be the logical guess when mystery smoke happens and you notice zombies coming for your ass, but he knows it .02 seconds after that shit goes off. x to doubt

Spec Ops at this point is more about killing zombies- fair, because of the pheromones- and Umbrella going STRAIGHT FOR THE TARGETS ignoring the zombies. this gives me life. this is their tactics.

I don't really understand Lupo's mask and it's three straps below her ear but whatever.

While we're on masks, i don't know how Bertha, Beltway, or Vector see with the lights in the eyes of their masks. But whatever

"We got a T103 Tyrant approaching" and then the debris blockade scene. It's jostled once. Twice. Tyrant realized that whatever he was doing wasn't working. THROWS A FUCKING CAR. this is a recurring theme for him. but it does solve more problems than it causes.

Lupo almost getting crushed by the gas sign. Picks herself up. that little headshake. then she sees the Tyrant. then the Tyrant sees her. "Holy shit!" This is Umbrella property, but she KNOWS that shit is gonna kill her and she's going to survive. Too bad shooting at it did not helpu.

Himbo #1 dealing with a zombie, slams it on the hood of a car. LUPO THROWN INTO THE DOOR OF THE CAR. Himbo #1 just ??? you know he's not Umbrella because he doesn't straight murder her. he starts shooting at the Tyrant. maybe he doesn't know if she's dead or not. if the roles were reversed, Lupo would take that shot- practical. just a quick pop to the spec ops guy, then shoot the Tyrant.

MEDIC FIGHT, MEDIC FIGHT, MEDIC FIGHT. it does demonstrate Bertha can take a fucking hit. and that her way of using her machete is to swing wildly. she doesn't have the finesse for a knife, she wants something big she can flail with and do damage. she can be delicate with a scalpel on an operating table, not in battle. about the taking a hit thing, the spec ops medic seems to be better at cqc than Bertha. she gets a kick in, but how he redirects her swing with his gun, hits her with the gun, slams her into the truck (both blows to her face) and Bertha doesn't even PAUSE. just full on attack mode

Beltway turning the zombie into a bomb. It's charming when Beltway does it, BUT WHEN NIKOLAI DOES THAT SHIT >:[

once again Himbo #1 has a moment of "...shit" and once again Tyrant's problem solving technique is to throw a car.

And of course the RESIDENT EVIL voice line. Beautiful.

[bell-swamp-fitzjames]

gonna try to lock in on this one fic tonight, write this one whole chapter bc. idk if i will have the whole thing finished as initially planned. BUT! I actually think I can save myself some ultimate grief by cleverly breaking it up. i can write what I get done in time for this exchange and then I have the option to fully finish it in a follow up fic. Plus maybe I can unkill goodsir and still have that idea there in the follow up.

[springcatalyst]

rereading some of the old scenes ive written and feeling very full of myself. if i am frustrated with how milos acting that means its working

[miserye]

i've been super nervous all day for some reason and i just got an email from a prof who i would be a PERFECT fit for and now i think it makes sense

[apocalypticdemon]

2 years to the day since I started trying to work out on the regular. Goddamn.

[tgcg]

an open fly walking

i didnt like this one but i thought id finally air it out since its been sat in my folders for months now

TG: hey karkat

CG: YEAH?

===

TG: you ever noticed you like

TG: walk weird

CG: WOW, OKAY.

CG: HAVE *YOU* EVER NOTICED THAT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT?

TG: pff

===

TG: no listen because i got my ears scoping that shit im like a scouter for dude activity

TG: ok maybe me mentioning it to you is gonna fuck up your ecosystem or something but

TG: you have the heaviest feet of the century man

CG: I DO???

TG: just thrust them straight down into the ground like youre trying to homebrew a san andreas fault

TG: viciously tamping on tectonic plates hoping for top score on the richter scale

TG: waging war against solid particles and the basic flow of gravity

TG: i could ID those footfalls out of a million i mean it

CG: SERIOUSLY?

===

TG: i mean theres nothing wrong with it but

TG: yeah

CG: I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU'RE FUCKING WITH ME RIGHT NOW.

TG: im not fucking with you striders honor

TG: when have i ever lied to anybody about anything

CG: NOT UNPACKING THAT QUESTION WITH YOU TODAY.

CG: BUT SHIT, HOLD ON. LET ME SEE.

TG: yeah take the umbrella go over there and just walk to me

CG: ON IT.

===

===

TG: see you just kinda slam em straight down dude

CG: THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY RIOTOUS FUCKING JOKE OF A LIFE.

TG: dont your feet ache

===

CG: MOOT POINT. THIS MIGHT SOUND INSANE BUT I'VE ACTUALLY HAD MY STRUT PODS FOR A WHILE. ANY KIND OF PAIN THIS WOULD'VE BEEN CAUSING WOULD BE TOTALLY FILTERED OUT OF MY SPONGE BY NOW AS BACKGROUND NOISE.

TG: damn i didnt think that through

TG: my shades

CG: ALRIGHT, GET BACK UNDER THE SHITTING UMBRELLA AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME.

TG: look ive fucked myself over here too i dont have shit to clean these with

TG: ugh

===

TG: guess its karma

CG: HOLY FUCK. HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE THIS BEFORE?

TG: i dunno but im gonna assume having a dad thats a literal crab monster is probably a contributing factor

TG: im guessing thats not a great role model for this kinda thing

TG: just conjecture i mean

CG: YOUR ENVY IS OVERWHELMINGLY OBVIOUS DAVE. AS A DISCLAIMER, HE WOULD'VE ABSOLUTELY KICKED YOUR ASS.

TG: yeah probably

CG: THAT'S PRETTY MUCH ALL THERE IS TO SAY ON THE MATTER.

===

TG: but see bro had me stringent on feather feets

TG: i bet i could slip across a bike horn warehouse with nary a fucking toot

CG: HAHA. ASSUMING YOU DON'T MAKE A TOTAL ASS OF YOURSELF, AS PER USUAL.

CG: IF YOU WEREN'T CONSTANTLY RUNNING YOUR GASH ABOUT EVERYTHING AND BEING AN INIMITABLE CLOWN I SERIOUSLY THINK YOU COULD BE ON PAR WITH YOUR CUSTODIAN.

CG: THAT IS A MONUMENTAL "IF".

TG: well look at it this way

TG: im basically doing you all a favor by being a dumbass

TG: never gonna get caught off guard by the bozo patrol

CG: WOW. GOOD POINT.

===

TG: also screw this can i use your shirt

TG: this stupid hoodie is just smudging my lenses up

TG: i cant see dick

CG: UH

CG: SURE, I GUESS.

TG: cool

===

TG: so yeah i could be prowling around like a goddamn verbal assassin sniping convos left and right

TG: but no ive got the decency to go bunp in the night

CG: YEAH.

CG: IT'S DEFINITELY COMPOUNDED BY THE CONSTANT INANE RAMBLINGS.

CG: BUT

CG: IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY RELAXING, Y'KNOW? IT HAS ITS OWN RHYTHM.

TG: see yeah i sound it off and

===

TG: wait really?

CG: YEAH

CG: I DON'T KNOW

CG: FUCK. HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS WITHOUT WANTING TO CRAM MY FROND DOWN MY PROTEIN CHUTE.

===

CG: IT'S LIKE

CG: A SALVE FOR MY AGGRAVATION SPONGE.

CG: YOUR VOICE IS THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF ASPIRIN.

TG: uh damn karkat hold your hoofbeasts i was talking about the rhythm thing

CG: ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT. I'M TAKING US BOTH THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW. YOU HAVE REACHED THE BAD END OF THIS CONVERSATION.

TG: you think thatd be heroic or just

CG: IF I WAS STILL GHOSTING AROUND THE RUINS OF SGRUB'S ARCANE FRIGGIN GAME SYSTEMS, THE COMPLETE LACK OF SHIT AFOOT NOWADAYS WOULD BORE ME TO DEATH.

CG: LIKE. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME OUR THERMAL HULL LEVELLED UP, DAVE?

TG: hah

===

TG: but uh

TG: i mean we had aspirin on earth

CG: NO, NUMBNUBS.

CG: I'M SAYING YOU ARE MY ASPIRIN.

TG: oh

CG: YEAH, TAKE THAT TO THE BANK AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR 20-KARAT ASS.

===

TG: heh

TG: well get this

TG: i will literally talk at you forever for free

TG: you got lifetime priority seating for the davealogues

TG: never gotta go to the drugstore again you can just get doped up on my dulcet tones for the rest of time

TG: take that and some of this

TG: im packin punches

CG: OW, FUCK! NO! MY MIGRAINES!

CG: SWEEPS OF VEINCLOTTING AND NERVEFRAYING DOWN THE FUCKING GAPER. BECAUSE OF YOU.

CG: YOU ASSHOLE, THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME.

CG: AND YOU'RE LAUGHING.

TG: chuckle up it only gets worse from here

===

CG: BE HONEST WITH ME. DID FONDLING MY SHIRT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET EVEN DO ANYTHING?

TG: barely but yknow sometimes you just gotta deal the cards youre given

TG: ill just be astigmatic for a while its cool

CG: PFF… OKAY MAN.