#just gonna say that “we can't be friends” has been on repeat in my brain ever since you sent that ask

[httpiastri]

hihi!!!!! this is the same anon that was talking to u about yn and paul being ‘we can’t be friends’ coded and pepe’s laugh being the music to my ears heheheheh i was wondering if u do emojis anon??!!! bc if u do and 🎀 is not taken i’ll gladly be ur 🎀 anon!!!!

and AM I HEARING U WANT TO MAKE A COLLEGE!AU FOR PEPE????!!!!! bc if u are then u can consider me so excited that im ready to go into a pepe brain rot and drop any sort of ideas i can think of in ur asks hehe

- 🎀 (??)

oh! hi love!! 🥰🥰 yes i do have emoji anons, i'd love if you became one!! <333 and the emoji is so cute sjdfhdj awe

yes yes yes i've been dreaming of making a college!au abt him!!! and if you're excited about that, then i'm 100x more excited to head about any sort of ideas you have 😚 or any thoughts about him in general. i love every second of thinking about him and when other ppl write to me about him?? i get so so soft 🥺

[homerforsure]

Saw the episode. Ascended to a higher plane. Wrote a small Coda that is as messy as my brain is right now. Bone Apple Tea.

"Heyyyyyy Buck!" Eddie answers the phone with a drawn out salutation that proves Tommy was not lying about him being sent away from the hospital with the good drugs. Or, not lying about the prescription, but about Eddie actually taking them. It wasn't so long ago that Eddie would take enough medicine to avoid being in agony, but never quite enough to actually feel relief. He wouldn't do that for Tommy, however close they are. It's something that Eddie's doing for himself. Buck's stomach was a swarm of butterflies three seconds ago, but that and the floaty happy way Eddie still says his name, has him smiling again in his kitchen.

"Hey Eddie. I, um, I'm sorry to call so late. I just wanted to see how- how you were doing."

"Eh, I'll miss a shift or two. But Doc says I'll be ready to go for playoffs," Eddie answers.

Guilt twists through him, harsh and acidic and Buck says, "Well I'm glad to hear that. They say the team doesn't have a chance without you and your, um, sky dunk." Eddie laughs, giggles really, in reply and Buck says, "I'm sorry, Eddie. I don't know why I did that. I mean- I- I know why. I was jealous of you and- and Tommy-" Buck's heart flips as he says his name and he's afraid the kiss is going to come flying out of his mouth and down the phone line- "But I never wanted you to get hurt like that."

"You wanted me to get hurt different?" Eddie asks, still laughing, but Buck feels stricken.

"No! I- maybe. I don't know what I wanted. I lost my mind for a little bit."

"You were jealous," Eddie repeats.

"Yeah, I was."

A long sigh and Eddie says, "I'm sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for. I was the asshole. I could have- I knocked you out of your shoe."

"Do you have my shoe?" Eddie asks, more focused than he has been the rest of the conversation. Buck can hear him sitting up on the couch.

"Uh, no. No, I gave it to Chim. He's gonna give it to you when he sees you. And probably make about 50 Cinderella jokes."

"Right. He texted me. I remember."

"I'm sure he'll bring it by sooner if you need it. Or he could give it to Tommy." The flush is there again, hot down the back of his neck. Buck doesn't know how he's supposed to do this. Where is he supposed to keep all of this heat and possibility while he waits for Saturday.

"You don't like him."

"Who? Chim? He's growing on me."

"Tommy," Eddie answers in a tone that says duh. "You can't even say his name normal."

Of course Eddie can hear that. Of course he assumes that's the problem after the way Buck has acted since the moment they met the man. He thanks god that he decided to call instead of driving across town and checking on Eddie in person. His cheeks and his ears are burning like fire.

"He can tell, you know. We both can. He said he's going to come talk to you. Gave him your address. Wants to apologize." Eddie must have settled back down on the couch. He sounds sleepier, his sentences getting shorter and more breathy.

"He did. He um. He came by. We talked it out. I told him you guys didn't have anything to apologize for. I was the one who made it weird."

"So weird," Eddie agrees and Buck laughs. "You guys should be friends. He's awesome and you're awesome and we can all hang out together and it would be..."

"Awesome," Buck finishes. He thinks it might be.

"I forgot you don't know that."

"Know what?" Buck asks, when Eddie's mumble doesn't come with any additional clarification. "Eddie?"

"Hmm?"

"Never mind. Hey, you should get up and go to your bed. Sleeping on that couch is not going to help your ankle heal any faster."

"Tommy said that."

"Tommy's right. Come on."

Eddie groans as he sits up, cursing at Buck in what he thinks is under his breath, and asks, "You talked to Tommy?"

"Yeah, he just left."

"And we're okay? You like him now?"

Buck's blood roars through his ears and he wants to throw up and start laughing all at the same time. "Yeah, I think I do."

"Good."

He breathes through the sudden headrush as Eddie grumbles and hops his way off the couch and down the hall. Buck knows where he's finding his handholds by the echo off the walls and he winces when Eddie takes a misstep and swears again. He thinks for a second that he should be there, that he should help Eddie to bed, but Eddie would never let him. Buck wonders if Tommy would let him. He's wondering about so much now and he never did before.

"Hey, Eds?" The question is out before Buck realizes he's asking it, small and vulnerable, and he wants to claw it back and swallow it down before Eddie notices, but he doesn't have a chance.

"Yeah?"

Tommy kissed me. I want him to do it again.

"No, nothing. Just. I'm sorry. I was out of line."

"You were," Eddie answers. "And I forgive you."

Something settles in Buck then. A piece that had still been sitting off kilter and jamming painfully under his ribs. He takes a deep breath, and joy washes fully over him, calming and centering. He doesn't ask the question again though. He thinks he wants to keep this tiny, glowing treasure to himself. At least for a little while.

"Bring me my shoe back and we'll call it even."

Buck laughs, letting the sound ring out through his apartment and he can hear Eddie smiling on the other end of the phone.

[todayisawthewhxlewxrld]

"you can do whatever you want, you're not Stuck With Me."

"i'll tell you one thing, we'd make history, you and me. you're getting closer now, it's getting better now, but you're still so far gone."

synopsis// bottled up feelings have to come out eventually.

pairing// suguru geto x gn!reader

word count// 8k

contents// angst with a happy ending, college!au, literally just y/n and geto being idiots but mostly y/n, shoko only knows tough love, obligatory rain scene, friends to lovers, ooc geto?

notes// scorpions are haunting me so i’m posting this as a distraction. anyways one of my anons requested this!!! so anon i hope i did ur idea justice and that u like it sorry its kinda all over the place.... anywho so besides this being a request, it was also inspired by the song the point by eatmewhileimhot! bye :3 OH and if anyone else has any other requests feel free to lmk!!

You poke at your food, focusing on the sound your fork makes as it scrapes against your plate instead of whatever the person sitting across from you is saying. You know you should pay attention; you know you’re being rude, but god, are you bored out of your fucking mind. You would much rather be hanging out with Suguru right now, feeling a twinge of regret at turning him down just for this.

“Y/N?” 

Your head raises to look at the person in front of you. “Huh?” 

They laugh nervously. “Did you hear anything I just said?”

You frown sheepishly. “Uh, no, sorry.”

“It’s fine,“ they say, clearing their throat, “I was just saying how I kinda wish we went somewhere else cause I'm craving zaru soba, but I wanted to impress you, you know?”

You nod, not computing the last of his sentence with your brain stuck on the mention of zaru soba. “Suguru likes that.”

“What?”

“Zaru soba—Suguru likes that.”

Your date shoots you a confused stare, and you subconsciously sink into your chair.

“Is, uh, is there something on my face or?” you ask, bringing your hands up to feel around your face.

They shake their head. “No, it’s just—uh, you bring up this Suguru guy a lot, and by a lot, I mean like you’ve brought him up this whole date...”

“I have?” 

They nod. 

“Shit—i’m sorry..” 

“It’s fine.” They dismiss your apology by asking, “What is he to you anyway?”

You stare at him blankly. That’s an easy question. Suguru, to you, is your—he’s your—

“He your friend or something?”

Yes! Suguru is your friend—your best friend even—so why can't you say it out loud? Why are you hesitating?

You laugh nervously, mumbling, “Or something...”

“Or something?” they repeat in hopes you’ll elaborate on what you mean.

You don’t.

Instead, you stand abruptly out of your seat and gather your things. “Um! You know, this has been really great and all, but I actually think I should get going.”

"Oh, okay,” they say, standing up with you. “Uh, do you wanna do this again maybe?”

“You're a lovely person, but...

“It's Suguru, isn't it?”

“What?” You almost choke on your spit as you frantically stammer, “No, uh, no! It's not Suguru-Suguru’s just my-it's-“ you pause for a moment, taking a deep breath to calm yourself down. “It's not because of him.”

They curtly hum. “Thanks for giving me a chance anyway.”

You nod. “I'm gonna—I'm gonna go.”

☆☆☆☆

Suguru is face down on a pillow on his bed when Gojo walks into their shared dorm.

“What happened now?” He asks as he goes to sit on the edge of Suguru’s bed.

“Y/N’s on a date,” he grumbles into the pillow, his words barely audible.

Gojo rolls his eyes. "Suguru, this is just sad at this point.”

Suguru lifts his head and glares at Gojo from over his shoulder. His eyes burning holes into the other's head.

“What? It is!” 

Suguru groans and kicks Gojo as he buries his face back into his pillow.

“Ow! Don’t get mad at me for telling the truth!”

Suguru kicks him again.

“Stop that! You’re acting like a child!”

“You’re one to talk.”

“Ok, listen, this isn’t about me,” Gojo adds, rolling his eyes.

Suguru rolls onto his back and drapes an arm over his face, muttering, “Whatever.”

“Oh my fucking god,” Gojo grumbles as he stands up and walks over to his own bed. “I can't take this, Suguru.“ He grabs his pillow and throws it at Suguru. "You can't do this every time they go on a date!”

Suguru doesn’t even flinch when the pillow lands on his face, nor does he bother moving it as he responds, “Watch me.”

Gojo walks back over to Suguru and grabs the pillow from his face before resuming his position on the end of Suguru's bed. "How long has it been?”

“Since?”

“Since you first started liking them.”

Suguru hesitates to answer, “Too long.”

“Exactly!” Gojo exclaims, shaking the pillow in his hands for dramatic effect. “Maybe…”

Suguru waits a moment to see if Gojo will finish his sentence, and when he doesn’t, Suguru sits up, quirking up his eyebrow at him as he asks slowly, as if attempting to subtly warn Gojo to pick his next words carefully: "Maybe what, Gojo?”

“Maybe it’s time to try and move on, Suguru…” He frowns and asks softly, “Are you just gonna torture yourself like this for the rest of your life?”

Suguru sighs and turns away from Gojo, a small frown on his face. He knows he’s right, but he’s scared in all honesty because, on the one hand, what if it works? What if he actually does move on? What if it was this easy to move on this whole time and he was just here torturing himself for nothing? And on the other hand, he doesn't want it to. He’s liked you for so long. You've taken up so much of his heart that, at this point, he thinks his heart is shaped like you, and it would feel wrong to not like you. He can't imagine himself not being completely and utterly devoted to you, and he doesn’t think he wants to.

“Suguru.” 

Suguru's brows knit together as he looks up at Gojo.

Gojo sighs. “Just try? One date. That’s all I’m asking.”

Suguru rolls his eyes, but there’s no real malice behind it. “I don’t even know anybody, Gojo.”

He perks up at the absence of rejection and happily explains, “Don’t worry bout that; leave it all up to me!" He emphasizes the word 'me' by pointing toward himself.

“Ok, well, that makes me even more inclined to say no.”

"Suguru, pleaseee,” Gojo begs. “Just one date!! That’s all I’m asking! You’re my friend, Suguru, and I know I don’t act like it, but I really do hate seeing you like this.”

Suguru crosses his arms and raises his eyebrow at him in suspicion, wondering, “Why are you being nice?”

“Because, contrary to popular belief, I do in fact care about my friends.”

Suguru breathes out heavily at his response, letting a brief silence wash over them.

“So..." Gojo pries. 

“Fine.”

“Yay!-“

Suguru instantly cuts him off, one finger raised, as he emphasizes sharply, “But just one date, Gojo.“

“Good enough for me!” he says, nodding quickly. “This will be the best date of your life, and you’ll realize you don’t even like Y/N all that much!”

Suguru feels like the wind’s been knocked out of him from that statement but quickly plays it off with a scoff, “Yeah, or it’s the worst date of my life, and I realize just how much more I like Y/N.”

“Ok, well,“ Gojo frowns and scratches his head awkwardly, “Can we at least try to be optimistic?”

“Fine.”

☆☆☆☆

Shoko’s sitting on her bed with her textbook in her lap when you enter your dorm, kicking your shoes off haphazardly across the room and slamming the door shut.

“You good?”

You groan in response as you sluggishly make your way toward her, pushing the book off her lap and instead replacing it with your head.

She looks down at you with a raised eyebrow. “I was reading that, you know.”

You groan again, but this time it comes out louder and more gutteral.

“Are you gonna tell me what's wrong, or are you gonna just lay here in my lap groaning?” she asks, rolling her eyes.

You pout, looking up at her. “Is there something wrong with me?”

“Where should I start?”

“Shoko,” you whine.

She bites back a smile as she asks, “Why would you think something's wrong with you?”

“I don’t know,” you mutter. “I mean, I go on so many dates, right?”

Shoko nods and hums something in acknowledgment.

“But they all never end up working out! Like none of them!” You exclaim, throwing your hands out in front of you, barely missing Shoko, who jerks her head to the side just in time. “They always all say the same thing.”

She pushes your hands back down so that she can return to her original position and asks, “Which is?”

You let your hands fall onto your chest as you turned your head to the side to avoid her gaze, mumbling, “That I mention Suguru a lot.”

You don’t even have to look back up at her to know she’s raising her eyebrows at you in question.

“Well, do you?”

Your gaze snaps back up at her as you exclaim, “Yeah, but!” You pause. “He's my… He's my best friend, so obviously I'd mention him a lot!”

The word best friend feels heavy and foreign in your mouth, like it shouldn’t have been there in the first place. You’ve never had to put a label on you and Suguru, not until the dates at least, but even then, you and Suguru were just... simply that. You were just you and Suguru.

“Really feeling the love here.”

“Shokoooooo.”

She rolls her eyes. “You were just on a date, right?”

You nod. 

“And so what happened?”

“Nothing! I was bored; I'm always bored on these dates.”

"Okay, hypothetically,” she says, “What would you have rather been doing?”

“Hanging out with Suguru! I always tell myself that I'm literally gonna stop canceling on him for dates because I always end up regretting it.”

“Right, right,” she says, nodding. “Y/N, have you ever considered that maybe you like Geto?”

You roll your eyes. “Of course I like Suguru, idiot. Did you not just hear me call him my-“

She cuts you off: “Your best friend. Yeah, whatever; that's not what I mean. I mean, like. romantically.”

“Huh?” Shoko’s words take a minute to fully register in your brain, but once they do, your jaw drops. “Huh?! Pft, no, of course not, that is... That is a… That is a silly thought.”

She stares down at you blankly, knowing the way you just stumbled over your whole sentence reveals your lack of conviction in your own words. "Right… Well, if you’re gonna be an idiot in denial, can you do that in your own bed? I need to study.”

You roll your eyes as you sit up. “Is studying all you do?”

She shrugs, and now that her lap is free from you, she places her textbook back into her lap. “Is obsessing over Geto all you do?”

“I don't like you.”

“You love me. Now leave me alone.”

You begrudgingly hop off her bed and into your own, making it a point to sigh dramatically the whole time. Once you're in your own bed, your phone goes off, and upon seeing who the message is from, you bite back a smile.

Shoko looks up from her textbook at the noise. “Oh? That your man?”

“Shut your mouth.”

She simply laughs under her breath before returning to her studies, and you happily return your attention back to your phone. 

Suguru<3: hey

Y/N: hey!

Suguru<3: oh I didn't expect you to reply so quick lol. I thought u were on a date?

Y/N: was :/ that shit suckedddddd it was so boring Suguru pls I would've much rather hung out with you

Suguru<3: well I mean u could've

Y/N: I KNOWWWW ugh next time remind me to never cancel on you for a lame date again k?

Suguru<3: yeah I will… so I'm taking it you won't be seeing them again?

Y/N: definitely not... I do wanna see u again tho!!

Suguru<3: you'll see me in class y/n

Y/N: yeah but that's so far awayyyyy

Suguru<3: yk if u wanna hangout rn u can just say so 

Y/N: do u wanna hang out?

Suguru<3: he can't he's busy -gojo 

Y/N: gojo when I get my hands on u. 

Suguru<3: :p -gojo

You groan dramatically and throw your phone somewhere onto your bed as you shove your face into your pillow, mumbling, “I'm going to sleep.”

“Eager to see your man tomorrow?”

“Die.”

☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。

Gojo and Suguru are walking to class when Gojo starts humming obnoxiously, like he’s thinking about something and wants someone to notice, so he doesn’t stop until Suguru sighs.

“Can you shut up?”

Gojo frowns and feigns hurt. “Aren’t you gonna ask me what I’m thinking about?”

“Fine, what are you thinking about, Gojo?”

Gojo slightly leans in toward Suguru as he coos, “Thinking about who I’m gonna set you up with, obviously!”

"Oh, right about that...”

“Nuh uh, you can't back out!”

“But I think they might feel the same?” Suguru says, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

Gojo’s head whips toward Suguru in shock. “Wait huh?” 

“Before you stole my phone yesterday—which I’m still mad about, by the way—they said they would’ve rather hung out with me than go on the date,” he says, pulling out his phone to show Gojo the texts.

Gojo doesn’t say anything, and the lack of anything coming out of his mouth worries Suguru, who’s now scanning Gojo’s face for a trace of anything to tell him what the other is thinking and gets it when Gojo finally cracks a frown.

“What? Why do you look like that?” Suguru asks, and he hates how it comes out more panicked than he intended, his own voice like nails on a chalkboard to his ears.

“I don't wanna say anything that would get your hopes up,” Gojo says, his gaze now fixed on his steps. “And besides, maybe this date could still be good.”

“You’re not gonna let me get out of this, are you?”

“Of course not!” he says, his regular pep back in his step. “So does tomorrow work for you?”

“Yeah, whatever, Gojo, you’d make me go regardless, I don’t know why you ask.”

“Lol, true anyway." Gojo’s steps come to a halt. "Here’s my class; see you later!”

Suguru waves him off: "Yeah, whatever, oh, and Gojo?”

“Hm?”

“At least set me up with someone good," he says, an ever-so-slight smile on his face.

“Of course! Leave it all up to me, bestie!”

Suguru nods and continues on toward his own class, only then does he huff, “Yeah, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

☆☆☆☆

You sat in your seat, your cheek leaning in your palm, sighing every so often from boredom but quickly perking up when you notice a familiar face walk through the door.

“Suguru!” 

“Y/N!”

Your gaze is glued to him as you watch him take his seat beside you; only once he’s fully situated do you speak up again: “I was wondering if you were skipping or something.”

Suguru tilts his head at you in confusion, asking, “Why?”

“Because you took so long.”

He tries to ignore the heat rising to his cheeks. “Did you miss me that much?”

“Shut up. What were you doing anyway?”

Suguru rolls his eyes. “Gojo made me walk him to class.”

You raise an eyebrow at him, your voice unamused as you speak, “Lame excuse, I walk with Shoko to her class every day and I still get here before you.”

“Yeah, that’s cause it’s Shoko?”

“True, I’ll excuse it for today if...”

“If?” He narrows his eyes at you, urging you to continue your sentence.

“If we hang out tomorrow?”

“Can we hang out today?” He looks away as he says, “I’m kinda busy tomorrow....”

“Aw man,” you say, frowning, “You’re never busy.”

“I know, sorry, it’s just—" He halts before mumbling out the rest of his sentence—“something Gojo’s making me do.”

Suguru finally returns his gaze to you when he hears you huff.

“He’s taking you from me too often; I'll have to intervene sooner or later if he keeps this up.”

He stifles a laugh. “Can you not today?”

“Nope, I've gotta work on a project for one of my classes,” you say with a disappointed sigh.

“Okay, well, how about Wednesday, then?”

“I can fit you into my schedule, I suppose.”

“Oh shut up; don’t act like you weren’t the one asking me to hang out last night.”

“I was a different person then,” you deadpan.

Suguru rolls his eyes but can’t even try to hide the grin on his face. “Yeah, ok.”

☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。

Come the next afternoon, Suguru finds himself staring into a mirror at his outfit with a small scowl on his face.

“I look stupid.”

“You always look stupid,” Gojo remarks, patting Suguru on the back.

Suguru ignores him and rolls his eyes, his voice small as he borderline pleads, “Do I really have to go?”

“Yes! It’s too late to back out now when your date is in like twenty minutes, so really you should get going by now,” he says while attempting to push Suguru out the door.

Suguru doesn’t budge. “I don't even know this person, Gojo.”

“That’s what dates are for!”

Suguru looks over his shoulder at Gojo, who’s still trying to push him out the door. “You know this isn’t gonna work, right?”

Gojo rolls his eyes and huffs, “Well, not with that attitude.”

“Gojo.”

“Suguru, you said you’d try! so go! try!”

Suguru sighs and reluctantly gives in… again. “I hate you.”

Gojo waves him off, “Yeah, yeah, whatever you can hate me after your date.”

Suguru doesn’t reply and instead opts to flip him off as he walks out the door.

☆☆☆☆

Suguru sits at a secluded booth in a dimly lit restaurant, lost in thought rather than listening to whatever the person sitting across from him is saying. He knows he should be paying attention; he knows he’s being rude, but god is he bored out of his fucking mind, and to say he’s hating every second of this is an understatement. He’d much rather be hanging out with you right now, regretting turning you down for this because just being here makes a part of him feel like he’s betraying you, and the thought has him anxiously wiping his sweaty palms against his pants. He’s been in love with you since he first laid eyes on you. Suguru was naive to believe he could delude himself into thinking that there was any possibility in any way that he’d move on, let alone with someone Gojo picked.

“Suguru?”

He quickly looks up at the person in front of him. “Yeah?”

They laugh nervously. “Did you hear anything I just said?”

“No, sorry—I guess I was just, uh, lost in thought.”

"Oh, it’s fine,” they say, confusingly normal about the whole situation. “I was just, um, talking about your friend Gojo, actually.”

He blinks. “Why?”

“I was actually hoping you'd help me get with him?”

“You do realize you're on a date with me, right?”

“Please.” They roll their eyes. “Don't act like you wanna be here any more than I do right now.”

“How did-“

“It's written all over your face, you know? They must be really special.” They tease with a sweet smile, “I almost feel like I should be jealous.”

Suguru swallows harshly, suddenly feeling way more exposed than he would ever want to, especially on a ‘date’. “Sorry…”

They shrug. “Don't be; honestly, I just said yes to this to get some pointers on Gojo, so I don't think I'm any better than you right now.”

Suguru nods, his mind reeling. He’s not actually sure what’s going on or how he got here in the first place. How could his date be so okay with the fact that he’s here thinking about someone else? Oh, right, because so are they, but it’s still not clicking in his brain.

“You can leave if you want.”

He narrows his eyes at them skeptically. “Huh?”

“To go hang out with the one you actually like.”

Suguru shakes his head. There’s somehow too much happening right now for him to comprehend. “Again, what?”

They roll their eyes playfully, an amused smile on their face, as they lean over the table and whisper, “Suguru, I'm giving you an out.”

He blinks, and suddenly everything clicks, and he doesn’t understand why he’s still here when they just told him they could go to you. He stands up abruptly and says, “Right, I'm...“

“Don't say you're sorry; make it up to me by going to them, yeah?”

“I really appreciate that. Uhm, text me and I'll give you pointers on Gojo?”

They laugh and nod. “Yeah. Now, shoo, go to the one you actually want to be with.”

Suguru turns his head toward the exit of the restaurant, ready to leave, but pauses and ends up turning back to his ‘date’, a small smile on his face. “Thank you.”

“Mhm! Also, I want to meet them sometime, k? We’re friends now, sorry!”

“Yeah… Yeah, you can. Someday? Maybe…”

They tilt their head at him, unamused despite the smile on their face. “Bye Suguru.”

He returns the smile and waves before heading off to find you.

☆☆☆☆

You found yourself under a tree somewhere on campus, attempting—and failing—to entertain yourself since Suguru was busy and couldn't hang out, and you didn't even dare try to go to Shoko for entertainment, knowing her face is probably stuffed into her textbook and she would berate you for interrupting her, or if she did agree, she would spend the whole time with her whole face screaming how she would much rather be studying, even when her studying proves to be just for fun because she cheats on her exams anyway, but you digress. Lost in thought, you don't notice how someone’s approached you until their shadow falls over you.

“You dead?”

You look up and are pleasantly surprised to see Suguru. “Hey! I thought you were busy?”

Suguru shrugs. “Left early.”

“What’d you go do anyway?”

“A date.”

The minute the words leave Suguru’s mouth, you can feel your stomach churn in a horrible way. like you’re on a rollercoaster, but it's not fun; you want to get off, and you want to get off now, like this is final destination and you’re about to fall to your doom. Or more so, this makes you realize you've already fallen to your doom; you've already fallen in love with Suguru, and it took Shoko saying something and him going on a date for it to really sink in like it hadn't been there all along. Your jaw clenches, and you're quiet—terrifyingly quiet—and it makes Suguru regret saying anything; he doesn’t even know why he did... Okay, no, he knows. He knows he was acting petty and wanted to rub it in your face like you rub your dates in his, even if not purposeful, and besides, you two are friends, and friends are honest with each other. But maybe he shouldn’t have been, and it's excrutiatingly obvious he shouldn't have been when you suddenly stand up and avoid his gaze.

“Y/N?”

You kick at the dirt under your shoes and mumble, “I should, um, Shoko actually just texted me.”

“Y/N, can you look at me, please?” Suguru sounds desperate.

You look up at him and smile, but with the way your eyes are glazed over, it’s like you’re not even there. “Yeah?” 

“I thought we could hang out now?” 

“Yeah, but—ugh—Shoko really needs my help, you know?”

“Are we still on for tomorrow at least?”

“I hope your date was good, Suguru.”

“Y/N-“

“If I keep her waiting any longer, she’ll be really mad. I’m gonna go.”

☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。

Suguru wishes he could say he’s surprised when you don’t show up to class the next day, but he’s not. Not at all. Especially from the way you ran off yesterday to how you’re still not answering any of his texts or calls, it was a telltale sign that Suguru would not be seeing you today. That didn’t stop him from trying, though. Of course not. So halfway through class, he left—not like he was paying attention anyway—and made his way to your dorm. Though he hesitates to knock once he’s actually there, he doesn’t even know why you’re ignoring him in the first place, and honestly? He’s scared to find out.

You’ve never acted like this with him before; you’ve always been an open book, always the first to speak up if something he did upset you, so he doesn’t understand why you’ve suddenly done a complete 180. He takes a deep breath before knocking. He came all this way; he isn’t going to just leave without figuring out what's wrong—or at least he’s going to try to figure out what's wrong.

No answer.

He knocks again.

No answer.

Suguru groans as he goes to knock one more time, but before he can, the door is swung open, and he’s met with a disheveled-looking Shoko.

“What?”

“Shoko, hi—“ Suguru gives her a quick once-over. "Sorry, were you asleep?”

She crosses her arms and blows a tuft of hair out of her face. “I was, and I'd like to go back to sleep, so-“

“Right, sorry, uh, is Y/N here?”

“No,” she replies quickly, far too quickly that Suguru doesn't believe her and instead tries to look into the room to find you. Shoko immediately picks up on this and shifts her body to cover any gaps he could look through. “They aren’t here, sorry.”

“Shoko,” he monotones.

She chews the inside of her lip and looks away, and Suguru can tell she's dying to say something, but she ultimately decides against it and shakes her head, looking back up at him.

“They’re not here, sorry.”

Suguru sighs, running a hand through his hair. “It's fine, sorry for waking you.”

“It's fine… Take care of yourself, Geto.”

“Yeah. You too.”

Shoko quickly shuts the door, and instead of climbing back into bed, she grabs her pillow and makes her way toward your bed, only to end up hitting you with it repeatedly. You pull your covers over your head in a futile attempt to protect yourself.

“Shoko, stop!”

“You stop.” She punctuates every word with a hit of her pillow.

“You’re the one hitting me!”

Shoko hits you one last time. “I mean, stop ignoring him, idiot.”

You peek your head out from under the covers, a frown on your face.

“Don't look at me like that; you’re acting childish, and you know that.”

“I can’t look at him.”

“You’re dramatic.”

“Shoko, I'm serious!” You speak adamantly, sitting up. “I mean, I realize I like him the exact moment he tells me he went on a date?”

“Who’s fault is that?”

“Shoko, I-I can't.”

“Whatever, sulk all you want; don't talk to him about it; I don't care; just scoot over.”

Your face twists in confusion. “What?”

“I'm tired,” she says blankly, now climbing into your bed.

You listen and scoot over, though it's more like she pushes you over. “You know you have your own bed, right?”

She yawns: “Too far away.”

You look down at her, and she's somehow already fast asleep. You roll your eyes and lay back down, looking up at the ceiling with your mind racing, and suddenly your phone vibrates. You know who it is; he’s the only one who texts you, but that doesn’t stop you from checking anyway.

Suguru<3: hey. 

Suguru<3: did I do something?

Suguru<3: I don't understand.

Suguru<3: you weren't in class so I tried going to ur dorm. shoko said you weren't there but I don't really believe her.

Suguru<3: can you just talk to me please?

Suguru<3: I miss you.

Suguru<3: guess this means we aren’t hanging out today huh?

Suguru<3: text me soon please.

☆☆☆☆

Thursday 

Suguru<3: no class again?

Suguru<3: look I get it

Suguru<3: okay maybe I don't.

Suguru<3: I don't know what I did wrong but if you don't wanna talk that's fine

Suguru<3: can you just let me know you’re okay?

Suguru<3: fuck I don't even care if you have shoko tell me you’re okay or if you tell gojo I just

Suguru<3: I just need to know you’re okay y/n. 

Suguru<3: how long are you gonna avoid me?

Suguru<3: or avoid class?

Suguru<3: I miss you.

“Can you answer your fucking phone,” Shoko snaps.

You glare at her and instead shut your phone off completely. “There. Happy?”

"No, not at all; I won't be happy till you stop sulking.”

You smile at her condescendingly. "You are so lovely; did you know that?”

She sighs deeply. “Y/N, you’re ignoring Geto because he went on one date.”

“I'm ignoring him because I'm in love with him.”

She narrows her eyes at you. “And he's supposed to know that how? I'm a hundred percent sure the poor boy has no clue what he did.”

“Shoko, you don't get it! You've never been in love,” you sneer.

“I don't need to be in love to know you're acting stupid.” She shakes her head. “You know what? Ignore him all you want; that's your problem, but you need to go to class; don't throw away your college degree for him.”

You sigh, finally agreeing with her on at least one thing. “Yeah... Yeah, I know I'll go tomorrow.”

She nods happily. “Good. Now can I get back to studying?”

“I'm not the one who made you stop, you took that upon yourself.”

“Watch yourself; I'll walk my ass straight to Geto's dorm and tell him for you.”

“…Sorry”

☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。

You get to class the next day extremely early and take a seat in the far back, away from everyone else, hoping Suguru would somehow not see you, or maybe more like in hopes you wouldn’t see him. It doesn't work. The minute he walks in, his eyes are drawn to yours like there was an invisible string there tying him directly to you, and your stomach twists as you see him approach you. As he’s approaching you, he sees your face, and he sees how you look like you're five seconds away from vomiting up everything you’ve ever eaten since you were born, so he stops in his tracks. Besides, a confrontation in the middle of class wouldn't be a good idea either way, so he’ll just catch you after class.

That somehow proves to be much harder than it should have been because once class ends and he turns around to catch you before you leave, you're already gone. He blinks incredulously at your empty seat for a moment before snapping out of it and running out into the halls, trying to find you among the crowd of people, which is easy for him considering you're the only thing that exists to Suguru right now and pretty much always, but even despite that, he can't find you. He stands in the hall, watching people pass him by as he does nothing, and the only thing he can hear is his heartbeat ringing in his ears and the rain that suddenly started sometime during all of this.

He finally snaps out of it once more and realizes that since it randomly started raining, there's a chance that you're somewhere waiting the rain out, unless you are so dead set on avoiding him that you don't care in the first place and walk back to your dorm in the rain anyway... Suguru hopes he's right as he starts walking toward the exit, and exhales heavily in relief when he sees you out on the porch and slowly creeps up behind you.

“Did you know it was gonna rain?”

You flinch at the sound of his voice. “No.”

Suguru’s heart feels like it's about to burst right out of his chest, and he feels like it's been way too long since he's heard your voice. “I think Gojo is gonna bring me an umbrella; do you wanna wait with me?”

“No.”

“No?”

You shake your head and start walking out into the rain, but you don't get far when Suguru reaches out and grabs your wrist.

“Wait!”

You look back at him, your jaw clenched tight. “Let go of me, Suguru.”

“You’ll get sick.”

You yank your wrist out of his grasp. “I don't care; I want to go back to my dorm.”

For a few moments, Suguru feels stuck in place as he watches you begin to walk away, yet everything in his being is screaming at him to go after you, to not let you go. He doesn’t even realize he was holding his breath this whole time until he gasps for air, and at the same time, his body finally decides to align with his mind, and he runs after you. You can hear his foot steps pattering against puddles, which only makes you speed up your walking.

Suguru notices this, and although he's still chasing after you, he decides to call out a pained, “Why are you ignoring me?”

You almost don't even hear him over how loud the rain has grown.

Almost.

“I'm not ignoring you, Suguru,” you say, stopping in your tracks with a deep sigh. He’ll catch you sooner or later, so maybe it's best to just get it over with.

Suguru doesn’t say anything until he's right behind you. You can hear just how clearly his voice trembles as he says, “Oh, so we’re lying now?”

“I'm no-“

“What the fuck happened? What are you doing?” and although he sounded exasperated only a second ago, when he speaks again, it's horrifyingly subdued: “This—this isn't us.”

You whip around to face him, a scowl on your face as you fume, “There is no us.”

Suguru’s face goes blank. No us? That's not right. That's all there is. There's only ever been an us because Suguru is not him without you. It's never just Suguru. It's you and Suguru; it's him and you; there's no him without you.

“What?”

“There is no us, Suguru; that's—“ you say, gesturing in little circles with your hands in front of you, trying to act out whatever word you're looking for. “That's the fucking problem.”

“I don't—“ His voice is breathy as he shakes his head in confusion. “What are you saying, Y/N?”

“You know what I'm saying.”

“No,” he says sternly, "No, I don't. I need to hear you say it.”

You take a deep breath and squeeze your eyes shut, focusing on the rain falling against your face rather than the words coming out of your mouth: “I'm in love with you.”

The silence is suffocating, and you're violently aware of how you can feel Suguru’s eyes burning holes into you. You swallow harshly before peeking your eyes open, and he’s just standing there wide-eyed, his jaw slack.

“Suguru?”

“Why now?”

With his voice so small and brittle, you hardly even heard him.

“Huh?”

“Why now?” he repeats, this time louder, harsher.

“I don't—I don't understand?”

Suguru laughs in disbelief. He brings his hands up to cover his face, and he just laughs into them or cries; he's not even quite sure anymore. And after a few moments of this, he finally takes a deep breath, running one hand down his face as the other drops back to his side. “Do you know how long I’ve been in love with you, Y/N?”

“What?” You’re hopeful for a moment, but that all comes quickly crashing down, realization washing over you. “Wait, but you went on a date.”

“Y/N, it's been so long that Gojo got tired of me wallowing in my own self-pity every time you went on a date.” He sighs and takes a moment to collect his thoughts. “So he forced me to go on one too to try and help me move on.”

“Why didn't you wait for me?”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

Suguru doesn't know whether to nod or shake his head. “No, I know, but I don't understand.”

Your face scrunches up in disdain, silently reading—what's there to not understand? “Why didn't you wait for me to fall in love with you?”

“Y/N, do you even hear what you're saying right now?” he scoffs. “Do you even hear what I'm saying? All I've ever fucking done was wait for you, and I go on one date that I left early for you, and now I'm the bad guy?”

Your heart sinks like a bag of rocks into a deep body of water. “No wait, Suguru, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry.”

Suguru looks down, avoiding your stare, carefully tapping a puddle with the tip of his shoe as he mumbles, “Yeah.”

“Do-“ you stop yourself and swallow harshly before continuing, “Are you still in love with me?”

He stays silent, and embarrassment floods your bones. How could he still love you? You, who's been subconsciously dangling a treat in front of him like some kind of animal just to coax him into doing what you want, into staying with you, following you around, just because you were too out of touch to realize you even liked him in the first place. Of course, he wouldn't still love you.

“Of course I am. Don't be silly,” he reluctantly admits.

Relief washes over you, and the breath you take feels like the first one you've taken since Tuesday, when he told you about his date in the first place. “So... now what?”

The same relief does not wash over Suguru; in fact, he's feeling anything but relief. Too many things to name, to pin point; it's just all too much. This is just too much. “I need space; I can't—" he shakes his head, his voice barely above a whisper, "I can't do this right now.”

“What?”

“I just. I can't. I'm sorry.”

Your voice cracks, “But-“

“I just need to think about this,” he says, waving his hands around in small circles, referencing the two of you.

“Oh.” You take a step back and nod. “Okay. I'll go then... I love you, Suguru.”

“Yeah,” he nods. “Yeah, I love you too.”

Suguru watches you walk away, and he can't tell his tears apart from the rain; can’t tell if his heart is stopping or if it's racing; can't tell if he's breathing or suffocating; he can't tell anything. His surroundings are drowning out and blurring into vague shapes and figures around him, and Suguru is sure he could just drop dead right then and there.

“Jeez, I didn't take that long that you had to walk out in the rain, dramatic much?”

Suguru, in all honesty, didn’t hear a word that was just said; the only thing that caught his attention was the lack of rain hitting him. He looks up to find an umbrella there instead of the dark cloudy sky that resembled his insides a little too much, then looks to his side to find Gojo there, and he wants to wipe the stupid grin off his face. If he can't be happy, why should Gojo? His head drops in defeat at his own thoughts. God, he’s acting shitty.

“Sorry.”

Gojo looks at him curiously. “You good?”

“No. No, I'm not good.”

"Hey dude, what's wrong?”

Suguru lets out a harsh laugh, and with no rain hitting him anymore, he knows for sure the thing dripping down his face is tears. “I fucked up.“

Gojo scans Suguru’s face frantically, looking for something—anything—that will tell him what's wrong with his best friend.

“Suguru, you have to be a little more specific than that.”

“Y/N loves me back.”

Gojo goes wide-eyed, and he gives a confused smile because how could this warrant his friend’s reaction? “What dude, that's gr-“

Suguru quickly cuts him off: "Great, I know, but I told them to give me space, Gojo.”

Frankly, Gojo isn't even worried anymore; he’s just in complete disbelief, shouting, “What? Why the hell would you do that?! Are you stupid?”

“Maybe!” he shouts back, trembling. “I don't know! They just— They went on about how I should've waited for them, and I was mad because that's all I've ever fucking done. I don't know; I wasn't thinking straight, and I fucked up, and they left. I made them leave. I asked for space when I hated all the space we've had from each other this whole week, and I asked for more?” He repeatedly hits his forehead with his palm, muttering, “I'm an idiot, fuck.“

“Suguru.”

“What?”

Gojo tilts his head at him. “Why are you still here?”

The question stills his movements, his hand falling back to his side, and he stares at Gojo in pure confusion. “What?”

“You obviously know that space isn't what you want, and you just said it in the heat of the moment, so why are you still here?”

Suguru is silent.

“Why aren't you running after them? They want you, dude! And you want them too!”

Suguru thinks if it weren’t for Gojo constantly moving, he'd think time had completely stopped in time with his realization on how he’s a complete moron.

“Suguru.”

Suguru sighs. “I hate when you're right; you know that?”

Gojo perks up knowing that he got through to Suguru; he coos sing-song, “If that were true, you'd hate me all the time.”

Suguru nods, “I do.”

“Oh, shut up." Gojo extends the handle of his umbrella toward Suguru. “Do you want my umbrella?”

“No, it’s fine; I’m already wet,” Suguru says, looking down at his soaked clothes as he wipes any remaining tears away. “What’s a little bit more water?”

“Good luck, Suguru.”

“Thanks Gojo.”

☆☆☆☆

You walk into your dorm slowly, in a daze-like state. Honestly, you don't even remember walking here; you just remember your fight? confession? argument? — your something with Suguru, and then there's a lapse in your memory, and now you're here.

“Y/N, dude, you're getting water everywhere.“

You sniffle and look down at the puddle that's forming underneath you. “Sorry.”

Shoko tentatively stands up from her bed and cranes her neck down to try and look at your face. “Y/N? Are you okay?”

You look up at her with a wobbly smile. “I confessed.”

She looks at you blankly, unsure if she should say something or if you are.

“He asked for space.”

“He likes you, and he asked for space?”

“I didn't tell you that—“

“It's obvious; keep up,” she says, rolling her eyes. “Anyways, so he asked for space?”

You nod blankly. “Uh huh.”

“Why?”

You rub your eyes in hopes that not looking at Shoko will make the embarrassment lessen. “I said some things in the heat of the moment, and... and yeah.”

It doesn’t.

She’s strangely unfazed; in fact, if anything, she’s partially annoyed. “Ok, and you’re just going to listen to him?”

“What else am I supposed to do, Shoko?” you ask incredulously, glaring at her with your hands back at your sides.

“Fight for him? He likes you back, and if you said something in the heat of the moment, odds are that him asking for space was also just in the heat of the moment.”

“You weren't there, Shoko. You didn't see how he was looking at me—at how he said it.”

“Y/N,” she says disappointedly, eyes shut and pinching her nose bridge. “He's literally been so upset at you ignoring him these past few days; do you really think he meant it when he asked for space? Even more space?”

You blink at her, your mind gone blank.

“Look, maybe he did, yeah? But maybe he didn't, and you won't know unless you go fight for him.”

“I don't know Shoko,” you mumble skeptically.

She rolls her eyes as she rebuts, "At the very least, you can apologize for what you said.”

“I already did.”

“Again, this time now that your head is… somewhat clearer... Are you really just gonna let him get away like this?”

“…no,” you answer weakly, which isn’t good enough for you or Shoko, who’s looking at you with her arms crossed and an eyebrow raised. “No,” you say again, this time with true conviction behind your words—word. “I don't want to let him get away like this. I don't want it to end like this.”

She gestures toward the door with a small, proud smile on her face. “Then go.”

You look back at the door before looking back at her and nodding. “Thank you, Shoko.”

“Uh huh,” she says, starting to walk back toward her bed, “and when you come back, you better not make another puddle.”

“No promises.”

☆☆☆☆

In an attempt to save whatever dignity you have left, you decide not to run down the halls like a shitty rom-com cliché; instead, you speed walk. Which, in hindsight, is probably even more embarrassing than just full-sending it by running, but you digress. You barely get halfway down the hall when you see Suguru. Both of you make eye contact at the same time, yet neither of you stop making your way toward each other, but you both slow down, carefully walking toward each other like two predators about to attack.

“You're leaving puddles in the hall,” you say quietly now that the two of you have come to a halt right in front of each other.

Suguru nods and looks you up and down. “So are you.”

You both stand there for a moment, just staring at each other, neither of you saying anything. Allowing your presence to speak for itself, but it's awkward—too awkward—and it feels like your knees are gonna give out on you if you stare at him any longer in silence.

“What are you doing here?”

“I came for you." He shakes his head, ignoring his own answer, like his very words aren't the most important thing to you right now. He came for you. “What are you doing here? I thought you would’ve been in your dorm by now.“

“I was—“ your voice grows quiet, “But I was coming for you too.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, you don’t have anything to apologize for, Suguru. I shouldn’t have said what I said; that was selfish of me. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want space,” he blurts out, hardly acknowledging your apology, which he didn't need in the first place. What he needs is you, and it will always be you.

“You don’t?”

“God no,” he says vehemently. “Space is the last thing I want. I don’t want space from you. I feel like there’s something missing when I’m away from you. How could I ever want space, Y/N?” His voice cracks a little at the end, and it has your heart racing. “I was just mad, and I shouldn’t have said that.”

You have all of these feelings inside you, and you’ve cried enough today to last the rest of your life, so instead you find yourself laughing, and Suguru looks slightly mortified.

“Why are you laughing?”

You laugh some more before trying to catch your breath, and you take a step forward closer toward him as you speak through deep breaths, “I’m just so fucking relieved. I-fuck-I love you, Suguru.”

Suguru closes the space between you two, pulling you into his embrace, and you tuck your face into his shoulder, his cold, damp clothes doing wonders to soothe your now-burning cheeks.

“I love you too, Y/N.”

“I think we look stupid standing here soaking wet and hugging...”

“Wanna make ourselves look even stupider by standing here soaking wet and kissing?”

You pull away ever so slightly just to look at him, and he’s staring at you with a smirk, and the longer he waits, the more furious the blush on his cheeks gets, and you can't help but stall your answer even more just for that reason.

“…matter of fact, yes, I do.”

Suguru grins widely but wastes no time connecting your lips together. The kiss is better than you could have ever imagined; it's gentle yet passionate all at once, and it's sloppy because neither of you can fully stop smiling long enough to keep the kisses consistent. And It's everything. He's everything, and you're mad that it even took you this long to realize that in the first place, but at least you don't have to worry about that anymore. Now you just have to worry about the fact that you two will probably end up getting sick from your wet clothes, but that's a problem for after you two stop kissing—if you two ever stop kissing.

©TODAYISAWTHEWHXLEWXRLD

[johns-prince]

I Don't Know (Oh Johnny Johnny)

After listening to this "forgotten" song by John and Paul on repeat, with excruciating scrutiny of trying my darndest to make out the lyrics.

This song is approximately recorded around 1960, could have even been 1959, and I've read it was apparently recorded when the group was going by the Silver Beatles. Also, apparently recorded at Paul's house? I'm not sure.

Whether you think it's just them fooling about, simple improvising and nothing at all, I think if they were going to take the effort to record it, it had to mean something.

Even if some or half of it is "improv," it still sounds like a conversation between the two.

It's not unlike them to use music to communicate and express personal thoughts and feelings, wants. There's also nobody else there... it's just them.

Just a couple of the clearer lyrics from Paul at the start:

"Hey now Johnny Johnny, oh Johnny Johnny, oh Johnny Johnny, oh Johnny Johnny, Oh God, Johnny boy, how are we gonna tell them?"

"Oh Johnny boy you wore me out"

It also sounds in one line Paul is singing, "Well you got me!"

Then John starts up.

And I know some people claim the start for John here is him saying "Well little boy" but I have to say that doesn't match up with what I've heard.

Doesn't sound anything like boy, but it does sound like John is saying, "Oh little darling, packing my shoes.. " can't make the following bit before, "cuz I'm losin' you"

"I'm going to see my sister soon. She don't want to see me I don't know really what I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do."

Now you've got Paul again:

"Well Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, when I call you Johnny, well Johnny Johnny oh Johnny, when I'm calling you..."

"Well I don't know what I'm going to tell them..." okay, these lyrics are really difficult to decipher. Maybe it's just my brains attempt at conjuring coherent words from the incoherent sounds, but, what follows this sounds ALMOST sounds as if Paul is telling him what he'll tell the fellas, about thoughts regarding John (I've still got thoughts of you/I'll still have thoughts of you/or, I'll still vouch for you)

Then the closest thing to ever getting to hear what Paul McCartney sounds like when pleading:

"Please Johnny, please Johnny"

John's response is:

"Well I'll tell the fellas I'm traveling with you"

And funnily enough, it's John saying, "I don't know what I'm gonna to do when I tell my mother we're gonna leave town." Of course if this is recorded in 1958/1960, Julia is no longer around...

Paul reiterates this though, confirming it, "Yeah we're gonna leave town."

Paul continues with this dogged line, I can catch a couple of "we gotta leave, we just gotta leave, we gotta leave right now."

Then—

"Take the next bus out of town, then we won't let nobody down!"

It's a conversation about getting out, breaking out, starting over just the two of them... With some interesting mentions of family and friends finding out, about something, with them, between them? And disappointing everyone, causes family to turn them away.

The reason couldn't have just been that they were wanting to become famous musicians together, right? I don't think that alone could be it considering Mimi nor Jim, or Julia or John's sisters, ever turned them away or shunned them because of this dream they were already chasing by this time.

The song progresses to where it sounds as if John has reservations about leaving, he's not as confident about the plan as originally thought.

Paul keeps singing the "we gotta leave, get outta town." I caught a "don't hold me down."

John starts repeating "I don't know" which results in Paul repeatedly calling out, "Oh Johnny Johnny Johnny oh Johnny Johnny Johnny Johnny..." Again, it's almost like pleading, "How could you not know? We have to go, we have to leave town, you can't tell me “I don't know” now. Don't do this now."

Now, I will say this, the full lyrical interpretations of this song, while I commend others for trying too, hold too many issues for me to agree upon their validity. I don't catch any "I love yous" and the such, but I think what I have caught, and how John and Paul are singing to each other and with each other here, alone, as teenage boys chasing their dream, is enough to convince me still that this song is so intimately about them, their relationship, and what they dreamed of doing together.

Running off, getting out and creating music together. Running away together. The song technically foreshadowing this honeymoon-esque trip of John and Paul doing just that when John turned 21, and with 100 quid took Paul on a trip.

Two teenage boys not knowing what to do, lamenting over something, something getting out to their family that would cause them to be turned away and to cause disappointment. I don't necessarily attribute that to them chasing the dream of becoming famous musicians together, but it could be. It could be many different things. Could just be me overanalyzing...

The end of the song is a lot more scrambled, difficult to make out, but it sounds like both John and Paul are back to both agreeing to the fact they need to get out, leave town, together.

Also imagining the fact they probably looked something close to this while thumping around and singing this song in Paul's house, alone together, gives me feelings.

[munson-blurbs]

Love You Through It (Dad!Eddie x Mom Reader)

Summary: When you're struggling with postpartum depression, Eddie brings in some help. Just a little blurb.

Warnings: depression, anxiety, mention of pregnancy, Stancy is canon

WC: 915

A/N: I've struggled with depression, but not PPD. I tried to draw on my own experiences and what I've heard from others, and I hope I did this request justice.

--

On a Sunday morning, you wake up to the sound of Eddie's voice crackling through the baby monitor.

"Good morning, Melly Bean! Today's gonna be a beautiful day," he coos. You want to smile, soak in the way your husband dotes on your two-month-old daughter, but you just can't. It feels like there's something blocking you from feeling happy.

You roll over in bed, pulling the covers up to your chin. Eddie's baby talk fades from the monitor but gets closer to your bedroom door.

"You wanna go see Mommy? Show her how much you love her?" he asks, even pausing as if Melody can give an answer.

"Hi Mama Munson," Eddie calls to you from the doorway. "Someone wants to say 'good morning.'" His sweet smile morphs into a frown when he sees you burrowed into the blankets. "Sweetheart? What's going on?"

"Nothing," you insist, voice muffled by the layers covering you. "Just wanna sleep."

Eddie looks at you, concern evident all over his face. "Okay, love," he says finally, "we'll be in the living room if you need us."

You wait until after he closes the door to sob into your pillow.

~

"Hello?" Steve answers the phone groggily, glancing at the time. Only 7:30 AM; who could be calling at this hour?

"Harrington," Eddie''s visibly relieved by the sound of his friend's voice. "There's something wrong with Y/N."

Steve sits up immediately at this news. "What do you mean?" he asks, panicked. "Does she need to go to the hospital?" Eddie hears Nancy's quiet voice, and Steve repeats what Eddie just told him.

"I don't--I don't know if you go to the hospital for this," Eddie tells him. "She stays in bed all the time, she doesn't want to be with the baby, she barely eats..."

Nancy takes the receiver from her husband. "Eddie?" she says. "Hon, that sounds like postpartum depression."

Eddie's eyes widen. "What do I do? I've been trying to handle everything but I'm just so...tired," he admits. "It's a lot, but I don't want to make her feel worse."

"I'm coming over," Nancy says, throwing off her covers. "Give me half an hour, okay?"

Eddie nods before realizing she can't see him. "Thanks, Nance," he whispers.

~

Your bedroom door is nudged open, but instead of Eddie, Nancy's standing there.

"Can I come in?" she asks, and you nod slowly. It seems like everything is happening in slow motion these days.

She takes a seat next to you on the edge of the bed. "Eddie called us," she explains softly, rubbing your back. "He's worried about you, babe. We all are."

"'M fine," you lie, but it's no use trying to pull one over on Nancy.

"No," she shakes her head, "you're not. You should talk to your doctor, but I think you have postpartum depression."

"But how?" you cry out, voice catching in your throat. "I'd get it if I was alone, or there was something wrong with Melody, or the delivery..." You start to cry again, and you're genuinely shocked that you haven't dehydrated from all the tears you've shed. "But Eddie has been amazing, and the baby is happy and healthy, and my delivery was fine."

Nancy offers a small smile. "Unfortunately, it doesn't always work like that," she says. "It can happen to any new mommy, regardless of the circumstances."

"Nance, I feel so guilty all the time," you confide in a hushed whisper. "I want to do more, but it's like my brain and my body won't cooperate. And then it all falls on Eddie, which makes me feel even worse. Like..." you pause before allowing the truth to spill out, "like I'm failing at being a mom."

Your friend squeezes your arm gently. "You are not a failure," she reassures you. "We're gonna help you get through this, okay? This isn't your fault. If anything, it's Eddie's fault for getting you pregnant in the first place." she says with a giggle.

"I heard that!" Eddie calls out, peeking his head into the doorway. Nancy stands up when he comes in.

"You two get some rest, and I'll make some breakfast." She scoops up the baby monitor on her way out. "Don't worry about Melody; I'll take care of her if she needs me."

Eddie snuggles into bed behind to you and presses a soft kiss to the back of your neck. "You know I adore you, right?"

"Of course," you reply. "I'm sorry I haven't been showing you how much I adore you, Eds."

"My love, you carried our perfect daughter for nine months. What else can I ask for?"

"I don't know," you reply tersely, "maybe a wife who can take care of her baby, who can take care of herself?"

"And you will," he tells you, wrapping a strong arm around your waist and pulling you impossibly close. "But right now, we're gonna sleep. And when we wake up, Nancy is gonna help us find someone you can talk to. Like a therapist or something," he clarifies.

You take his hand and kiss it. "Do you think Melody hates me?" you whisper.

"Hates you? Oh, baby, absolutely not," Eddie gives a little laugh. "She loves her mommy. And she knows how much I love you, too."

"And how much is that?" you tease, snuggling into him.

Eddie's peppering kisses all over your face, his curly hair and hint of stubble tickling your cheeks.

"Does that answer your question?"

--

[unclewaynemunson]

Wingman Wayne - Ronance Edition pt4 :D | Read from the beginning | Read on ao3

It hasn't even been five minutes since Robin came home from work, when the phone in the hall starts ringing. And she has some suspicions about who the caller might be.

She squints at the phone like it's personally offending her, considers for a few moments to just let it ring – but she can't. She doesn't want to be a completely cruel person, this is already gonna be awful enough as it is.

'Hi,' says Nancy, sounding slightly breathless, when Robin picks up the phone. 'How was your day?'

 'Um – gr...ay.'

'Gray?' Nancy repeats, confused.

Robin flinches. She had meant to say “great” but decided halfway that that would probably sound weirdly enthusiastic regarding the conversation they were about to have so she changed it to “okay” and – yeah. This is embarrassing.

'Yeah – I mean, the weather. Was. Very bad. Lots of rain and shit.' She cringes at herself, talking awkwardly about the goddamn weather, glad that Nancy isn't able to see how beet-red she has gotten so at least some of her dignity will stay intact.

'Tell me about it,' Nancy says, 'I got soaked at least three times today, it was the worst. But I was thinking...' There's a slight pause before Nancy continues, 'If we're feeling optimistic enough to believe the forecasts, it'll clear up by the weekend, so maybe we could go for a walk or something? There's this tea garden at the other side of the woods, I know a nice scenic route from Lover's Lake, what do you think?'

Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit. Robin squeezes her eyes shut. Why, oh why, did Nancy have to come up with the most fucking perfect date idea in existence? God, she can almost touch the scene in her head: walking side-by-side with Nancy, the sun filtering through the leaves and shining a golden light onto Nancy’s curls, her cute nose going slightly red from the early spring sunrays, their arms brushing together every other step until Nancy will feel brave enough to grab Robin's hand and lace their fingers together; the flowers blooming in all kinds of pretty colors in the fields surrounding the tea garden, the taste of mint or some herbal melange on her tongue, Nancy's hands wrapped around her mug as she laughs at something insanely funny Robin is telling her...

No. No. Her stupid brain should most definitely not be going there.

She sighs.

'I have to tell you something,' she blurts out, before weakness can overpower her and make her say something stupid like Yes, this is the best idea ever, I’d love to go with you, can I please kiss you already?

'Oh.'

And in that single word, she can already hear the disappointment dripping from Nancy's voice. Damn it, she hates this so fucking much.

'Yeah, it’s not good... So, um, remember that I told you how my best friend is the one who set me up with you? The one whose boyfriend is Mr. Munson's nephew?'

'Oh God,' Nancy says, sounding truly horrified. 'You're actually in a relationship with him and cheating on him?'

'What – no, God, no!' Robin exclaims. 'Why is that the first thing that comes to your mind?!'

'I don't know, you sounded so ominous so I just went straight to worst-case scenario!'

Nancy is perfectly mirroring Robin's own panicked energy and she realizes she has to keep her head cool now if she doesn't want this whole conversation to become even more of a mess.

She takes a deep breath and continues in a somewhat more collected voice, 'Okay, so maybe not worst-worst-case scenario, then. But um... He didn't actually know anything about you when he set us up. So we only found out today that he – Steve – had been trying to set me up with his ex.'

There's a silence. 'Steve Harrington is your best friend?' Nancy then asks.

'Yeah, crazy, right,' Robin confirms. 'I'm really sorry, Nancy. I had so much fun with you last night, seriously. And you're really cool and badass and generally amazing. But I'm not gonna be dating my best friend's ex. I can't do that to Steve. I mean, I basically know everything about what went down between the two of you, and it's not like he harbors any resentment – I actually think he still respects you a lot – but... It still feels wrong, you know?'

There's a sigh, distorted through the phone. 'Yeah, I get that,' Nancy says, in a small voice that's kind of breaking Robin's heart already. 'Honestly, that completely makes sense. And honestly, I wouldn’t want to add to his hurt either. I already did that more than enough, back when - you know.‘ She sighs again. ‘For what it's worth: I had a lot of fun with you, too, yesterday.'

Pt5

Taglist: @munsonsuccubus @messrs-weasley @shrimply-a-menace @booksandsience @sadcanadianwinter @mightbeasleep @theysherobinbuckley

[ronearoundblindly]

I'm literally coming up with so many ideas that my head keeps flashing me with new images of best friend Ari x reader

This is one of them:

I CAN'T get over the scene where reader slaps on the table to gain twittle brother's attention🤣🤣 (btw they actually give me a little Weasley twin vibe bc of their bickering) so my brain offered me a clip where reader is being furious, possibly towards a handful of people, Ari included. When reader is holding a stern face and says something like: "this is unbearable!" Ari wants to soothe her temper, trying to soft-talk reader. He only finishes the first part of his sentence, when reader shoots him a death-glare: "Uh-uh. Don't even try. You are part of this too MISTER."

and Ari gives the rest of them an expression that reads "sorry, tried my best, you're on your own"

I love this. All of this. P.S. the kitten has claws in this one. Reader lashes out. She is feisty. Warnings for language, arguing, and implied intention of violence, mostly for humor. (Headcanon format because I'm lazy.)

Temper

You show up at the house after a long day to find Ari working on painting the 'dining room' (you're not sure if you'll get a whole dining set for in there yet).

He's got headphones on, so you don't bother him. He hasn't noticed you're home.

Then you hear a bang from behind you, from the other end of the house, down the hall with the bedrooms.

Voices--familiarly childish voices--argue with each other.

"Your fault." "No! This is your fucking fault."

What are Dimitri and José doing in your house? What...What have they done to the WALL?

You can peer right through a four-inch hole between the spare bedroom and the hall. A sledgehammer tilts against the hall side presumably because it fell all the way through the hole.

You see Dimitri's wide eyes beyond the crumpled edge of drywall, and he panics.

You had to pass the doorway in order to see the damage, so both men-children get ahead of you racing through the house, shrieking for Ari to save them and you to calm down.

José tries to hide on the other side of Ari but startles your boyfriend so badly that the brush smears paint all the way across José's cheek and into his open mouth.

"The hell is going--"

"These two idiots put a sledgehammer through my wall," you scream, advancing on Dimitri while he too maneuvers to put Ari between you.

Ari swings with the paintbrush again, this time smacking Dimitri in the gut so that his shirt is ruined. "You did what? Honey, I'm sorry. I'll fix--"

"OH NO, MISTER, you brought them into this house--"

"It just happened, honest."

"We were just fooling around."

"Why would you fool around in my house?" Ari booms.

"Shut it, Levinson. This isn't your house yet, and I have half a mind to make you sleep outside. You should have been watching them!"

"We're not kids," Dimitri whines, shifting to the other side of Ari because it's closer to the exit.

You can't even find the words. You barely have oxygen from how hard your whole body clenches in rage.

Ari turns to the boys and just says, "run."

Ari jumps to try and stop you from grabbing one of your friends as they bound out. You get ahold of José's shirt sleeve and yank him back toward you, latching your arms around his neck, attempting to climb onto his back and take him down. Dimitri trips over Ari's toolbox and faceplants into the partial dividing wall to the living room.

Everyone goes silent as Dimitri removes his bracing hand from another hole and then he looks at the dent his skull made right beside it.

"Shit," he whispers softly before the room erupts in shouts again.

"You mother fucker," you howl, shoving yourself off of José, but then Ari has you by the waist. All you can do is flail at Dimitri as Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum scurry away.

"I gotcha, kid," Ari keeps repeating as you hurl obscenities at their retreating car. "I'm gonna handle it. I swear. Take a breath, woman."

A full week later, you sit at your usual table at the bar across from two tentative (and scared shitless) men.

"You two are doing all of the yard work at my place this whole summer."

After a quick glance between each other, they nod.

"And you--" you turn to Ari who stops mid-swig of his drink "--are building me a She-Shed. One off-limits to all dudes."

[Main Masterlist]

Anybody have a name idea for this series? I got nothing so far. Just having a blast writing it.

[sugoi-writes]

FUCK. I WROTE PART NINE AND HAD IT ALL READY TO GO AND THEN MY KID GOT HER HANDS ON MY PHONE AND CLOSED THE APP. THANK LUCIFER I HAD THE FIRST HALF SAVED AS A DRAFT BUT STILL. OTL sending this separate because I was paranoid she'd do it again and I would have to write the second part a third time 😭 also realizing I forgot to put my sig at the bottom of Pt.9

..... Annnnd of course, after pressing send I remember that I forgot to rewrite the part where reader chokes Alastor when they cum. just shoot me holy motherfucking shit

At some point I'mma just make these into a full blown PWP fic. It seems like they get longer with each installment 🤣 (I'm sorry btw, I always feel kinda bad whenever I leave long messages in anyone's inbox 😫

AYEEEE WELL YA KNOW WHAT THEY SAY - GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE!! 😘❤️‍🔥

It's a fitting pet name Hunny Pun! You're the queen of puns and you're so so SO sweet like a Honey Bun! is that icing or Alastor's jizz on you??? ... im so sorry i'll see myself out again 😭 CAN'T FIND AND KISS ME IF I FIND AND KISS YOU FIRST BABES~! ❤️❤️❤️

I can't hold on to my anonymity anymore guys so I'mma be making Pt.10 my reveal post~ it's killing me that I can't leave rabid fangirl messages on your works like you all do here for me! I really did wanna wait until I got the Smutmus Holy Trinity complete or at least in the revision stages but just- GAH! I NEED YALL TO KNOW HOW AMAZING I THINK YOU ARE. Beautiful beautiful minds, inside and out i can't even-!

Seriously though, I can't even begin to express how grateful and happy I am to have met any of you! And there are no words in the English dictionary (or any at all really) that I could use to describe what I feel about how accepting and supportive you've been! I could NEVER thank yall enough for helping me to find the joy in writing again. I love all three of you so much and I'm honored to call you friends!! 🥺🥰💋

- ☄️❤️ Smut Santa

False Alarm for the Next Part!! And honestly, thank God, the vibe is still not charged HAH--

Oh no!!! I'm so sorry that happened to you!! I had a similar experience when writing my part 2 to my Nun! Alastor fic. Fun fact: had to re-write it 5 times because I kept forgetting to save it. ;;_;; hhhh my baby fever is so bad I'm crying, but man, KIDS! What a little stinker 🥹❤️

Also, my ask box is usually super empty? Like, you could LICK the floor with how neat and empty it is? I LOVE messages? Even better if they long like Alastor's girthy fucking co--

We--We were- when we??? ALASTOR GETS--??? MY HANDS AROUND HIS???

*Danny.Exe has experienced an Error*

*Rebooting*

OKAY IM BACK--

☄️❤️Anon... babycakes. At this rate I'm gonna do more than fucking kiss you. I think we're past that now. And if you keep calling me 'Hunny Pun', or similar pet names, I'm just gonna jump your bones--

Hug you!!!! I meant hug you!!!

It's Alastor's jizz. It's canon-- NO DONT LEAVE I NEED TO KNOW HOW I GOT IT ON MY FAAAAAAACE

GUYS CODE TREAT, CODE TREAT, THE ANON VEIL IS DROPPING!!! ITS DROPPING DHDHDJDHDJ-- You will never gain a mutual as fast as you will then I SWEAR

☄️❤️!!! Smut Santaaaaa! 🥹😭❤️ Your mind is a beautiful, smutty, enchanting place!!! Knowing that you've been religiously cranking this out, while also having a kiddo... Seriously, how do you do it??? If anyone deserves the praise rn, 🎵it's you??? It's you, ITS ALWAYS YOU!!🎵 ❤️❤️❤️

Don't push yourself too hard! Please? ❤️ I will treasure these rare, scrumptious little treats for as long as I have brain cells left ❤️ I will call you friend until you tell me to quit or I lose my voice for good. And even then, my lips will keep moving and repeating the same thing until I'm blue in the face. ❤️❤️❤️ you are such a sweet, sweet, soul, and I can feel your vibes, and they are so wholesome! I can't wait to meet the person or sexual fiend behind it all! I feel like I speak for us all, and not just the main 3, but EVERYONE: everyone who has read your posts love you to bits. And they love your work to bits. Best believe when you publish your first work, we'll be there. En masse. And we will be EAGERLY returning the love you surprised us with.

Thank you for all that you do. On this post in particular, you deserve a foot rub, a forehead kiss, and a hug that lifts and spins you off your feet! 💗💗💗

Have a blissful, best of days you can have, dear! You deserve it! 💗

[shadowbrightshine]

Gen alpha? You kids are ok our stuff was just as weird in many ways. I just can't really bear to listen to it. I refuse to ever interact with that toilet. I hate the song, I hate rizz, and I hate gyatt.

I'm not gonna hate on the kids. I'm not going to say gen alpha is doomed or their brains are rotted away or they're stupid. They're children. Half of gen z are still young. We need to stop. They're little kids. They can be held accountable for some things but people keep putting adult thought processes onto kids. (Some people covering some of it don't blame the kids and I appreciate that)

What I am "hating" on is the high schoolers I had to spend years with who used it all the time. My own story is here but past it is other stuff.

Mostly because whenever I hung out with my ex, who has been my ex for over a year, and we are just friends now: there would be a guy laughing and claiming he was "rizzing me up".

I would get angry. So would he, he hates being reminded by others about our break up. He initiated it but I was going to as well. He's a wonderful guy, it just didn't feel right.

Anyways another time I was incredibly hyped up for the horror thing I'd been writing. So happy I was jumping in the lunch room, tapping my feet, cheering, all of it. My friend was blown away by my work and that made me even happier. Cue the table next to us, full of a mix of freshman and senior boys who called.

"You two rizzing each other? Or are you already dating him?"

We both informed the whole table that no. To both accounts. Also they're not a boy and I'm heteroromantic.

I've been accused of "being rizzed" half of every interaction I had with guys where I showed a modicum of excitement.

It's "ooohhh is that your boyfriend?" "Smoochy sounds" "he's got you bad!" But shorted to two words.

I hate that. Also it was always I was the one being, which like. Never mind.

Kids? You kids are shaped by the internet like we were, and with all the platforms combining and pushing you into spaces without an alternative, you're getting concentrated amounts. Kids are online more than ever. It's content farms and algorithm lucky stars. I don't blame the kids for singing things like that, usually not understanding what it means.

I don't blame the little kids for going nuts at makeup stores. They shouldn't be watching beauty or anti aging content in single or early double digits. It's getting harder for parents to moderate what their kids watch, but it is up to them to help. It's up to the parents to teach the kids that their screen is not always telling the truth, and that they're young. That they don't need expensive makeup or moisturizers. It's up to the parents or who is in charge to not cave about 70 dollar makeup when the kid is 12. It's up to parents to disallow the kind of behavior they were seeing. And to stop them from ruining displays.

I don't blame kids for copying what they see online. I missed vine but I watched clean comps growing up (came to the internet a little late) and would copy them constantly. My cousins and I still quote videos we watched as little kids at each other. We also, reenacted Garfield comic strips and referenced those because everyone had Garfield comic 3 book compilations, I had 4, our grandma had a bunch of small books and Sunday editions, ect.

Kids copy. What is a problem is that they're watching things that are not meant to be repeated out loud. And that was a problem for us too. My little sister is gen alpha, though we don't call her or any of us our gens. When she 3 she kept repeating "somebody kill me!" From muffin time asdf movie. We had to stop watching asdf around her so she would find something else. Not everyone has the space to, but we tried to avoid letting her see stuff we knew she'd repeat or copy.

They're kids, young teens at the oldest.

They're going through their cringy and silly and figuring out themselves parts of their lives. But now instead of it being in physical diaries as often, or on now long deleted dead platforms where plenty of our "cringe" or bad stuff we thought or did was lost to time, they're visible. They're being filmed too. If we aren't supposed to be filming strangers (without a good reason) that applies to children.

Especially to kids! Remember when old internet guides told kids not to show their faces online? The internet has changed but now with all the platforms combining and the loss of places for kids only, we should be careful. Kids are gullible! Like yes children are much smarter than we think but there's also a studied threshold age before kids learn to separate media from reality. That's why kids advertising had to be regulated. That's why companies also target kids.

These are small human, living, thinking, emotional children. We mourn the loss of "good media" in terms of old youtube or whatever. The kids can still watch it. Show them those old things. Vine died a few years before I joined the online world and I still watch and quote vines. People quote movies decades older than them. It being old never stopped people before. If it hasn't been lost to the void, try showing them that instead.

Read to them. Maybe kids nowadays really just don't want to read. That's been said for other gens, but hey I read way less than I used to after getting my phone. So use audio books. Find something with their hands they can do and play an audio book. Or read to them if you have time. There's also lots of audio dramas! Not like soap dramas though if you like them I'm happy! Like audio books with sound effects and multiple voice actors. Or fully original ones. (Think things we call podcasts like camp here and there, or night vale, or the Mourgue files. But you know, not horror focused)

And remember that many of the kids just aren't online anyways. Plenty of parents don't let their kids post online, they don't post about them much, they're literally just in places without internet or they're busy. Remember that the online world doesn't reflect reality as well as some think it does.

I've been thinking about this for a while. I'll never hate the kids. I might hate some of the media, but I'll never hate those kids.

[fritextramole]

standing alone at the top of the stairs

part 2 of a Jenny Humphrey playlist - best heard in order

tracklist and quotes under the cut

The Anthem ~ Good Charlotte

At my high school It felt more to me Like a jail cell A penitentiary My time spent there, it only made me see That I don't ever wanna be like you I don't wanna do the things you do

Fences ~ Paramore

Don't look up, just let them think There's no place else you'd rather be You're always on display For everyone to watch and learn from Don't you know by now? You can't turn back

Are You Satisfied? ~ MARINA

High achiever, don't you see? Baby, nothing comes for free They say I'm a control freak Driven by a greed to succeed Nobody can stop me

Sometimes ~ Nick Lutsko

I cut my tongue on the rust of a silver spoon I bet my billionth bottom dollar on a hopeless case And now the devil on my shoulder has a knife to my face

Teenagers ~ My Chemical Romance

The boys and girls in the clique, the awful names that they stick You're never gonna fit in much, kid But if you're troubled and hurt, what you got under your shirt Will make them pay for the things that they did

WTF Do I Know ~ Miley Cyrus

Think that I'm the problem? Honey, I'm the solution

Cherry Bomb ~ The Runaways

Can't stay at home, can't stay at school Old folks say, "You poor little fool" Down the streets I'm the girl next door I'm the fox you've been waiting for

Since You’re Gone ~ The Pretty Reckless

Since you been gone My life has moved along Quite nicely actually I've got a lot more friends And I don't have to pretend

killing boys ~ Halsey

And I'm not breakin', I won't take it And I won't ever feel this way again 'Cause you don't need me anymore, woah

Rebel Girl ~ Bikini Kill

I think I wanna take you home I wanna try on your clothes When she talks, I hear the revolution

Can’t Be Tamed ~ Miley Cyrus

I wanna fly I wanna drive I wanna go I wanna be a part of something I don't know And if you try to hold me back I might explode

Stop Me ~ Natalia Kills

Tonight we're gonna dance to the devil's drum And I need someone, need someone To stop me, stop me Stop me, stop me Stop me, stop me You can't stop me, stop me

She’s Leaving Home ~ The Beatles

She (We never thought of ourselves) Is leaving (Never a thought for ourselves) Home (We struggled hard all our lives to get by) She's leaving home after living alone (Bye-bye) For so many years

Nobody’s Child ~ Traveling Wilburys

I'm nobody's child Just like a flower I'm growing wild No momma's arms to hold me No daddy's smiles Nobody wants me I'm nobody's child

Fell In Love With a Girl ~ The White Stripes

Can't keep away from the girl These two sides of my brain need to have a meeting Can't think of anything to do, yeah My left brain knows that all my love is fleeting She's just looking for something new, yeah Said it once before but it bears repeating now

Horns ~ Bryce Fox

She can crush every hope Got her heels stompin' down my throat She got horns like a devil Pointed at me and there's nowhere to run From the fire she breathes

Yeah Right ~ Evanescence

My one mistake was giving more and more and more More and more and more

brutal ~ Olivia Rodrigo

They say these are the golden years But I wish I could disappear Ego crush is so severe God, it's brutal out here

I Got Stripes ~ Johnny Cash

I got chains - chains around my feet I got stripes - stripes around my shoulders And them chains - them chains they're about to drag me down

Like a Rolling Stone ~ Bob Dylan

Once upon a time you dressed so fine Threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you? People call say 'beware doll, you're bound to fall' You thought they were all kidding you You used to laugh about

Trust ~ Lucy Dacus

I've learned a lot since I began But I think I was wiser then I've done too much and not enough

Lua ~ Bright Eyes

When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend I get a coffee and the paper have my own conversations With the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection The mask I polish in the evening by the morning looks like shit

Pressure to Party ~ Julia Jacklin

I know I've locked myself in my room But I’ll open up the door and try to love again soon

[xaytheloser]

*kicks door down* hi i'm finally off anon because i'm gonna ramble and i have a drawing to share!

due to an ask on the ask blog from @onesacrificiallamb, specifically one calling eternal sugar hollyberry's second mom, an au spawned in my brain that refuses to leave and i need to ramble to SOMEONE- and who better than the ceo of doomed polyamory?? :D (/silly)

the short of the au is basically eternal sugar being hollyberry's bio mama, the long of it is;

everything starts a month or two before the virtues completely spiral into the beasts, with shadow milk being the only one to know about the brewing child aside from eternal sugar herself, and eternal makes shadow swear not to tell a soul about what's going on with her right now, and he keeps his word as best as he can, even going to great lengths to keep the others from not knowing, like making excuses for why eternal isn't at a meeting or something

this continues on well into their descents, with another partial reason for eternal to not be doing anything to stop the other beasts, being that she's hiding from them herself, spare for shadow, because she doesn't want them worrying about her (or asking too many questions), that and she's resting as much as she can due to advice given to her by shadow since he's the smart ass

if she's smiting anyone for any particular reasons, the main reason is still disturbing her rest, there are of course extra reasons, one of those being she doesn't want word of her state getting out to anyone period, so any normal cookies that come into her area do not end up leaving because possible liability

and to add on: not even benign would have known, like yeah sure she likely would have been able to tell the signs but never be entirely sure due to eternal effectively hiding her belly with the way she lays in her cloud and refusing to sit up for anything- benign likely would have had her suspicions but no ability to confirm them or anything

when their i'd say like 5-6 month crusade ends due to benign and the witches imprisoning them, shadow genuinely panics, especially over eternal, but he can't explain anything to benign because he made a promise to eternal that he wouldn't tell a soul and we all know that man cannot bring himself to go back on promises to his friends, no matter the severity of the situation

he said he'd stay quiet until she's ready to tell the others and he's sticking to his word

the next couple months shadow is constantly checking in on eternal and making sure she's okay, generally just horribly worried about her because from his knowledge this cannot be good on her, but to his surprise and delight everything goes way better than expected

however, after a lot of screaming and crying from both her and her new baby, eternal sugar is just sat on her knees, holding her little bundle on her arms as she tries to breath through broken sobs, that everyone is hearing because she's not focusing on just speaking to shadow

so all of the beasts are hearing eternal's shaky sobs as she quietly repeats "She's breathing..." over and over, everyone spare for shadow is confused and they all likely demand answers from shadow who makes it very clear he's not saying a word until eternal tells them herself

^ doodle i made of this scene last night because this au was (and still is) refusing to leave my mind

for a good month after lil holly pops out eternal is dead quiet, absolute radio static from her even on shadow's end, the first time she's present after a good bit is a few minutes after a meeting between the others has started, she shows up late, and she looks genuinely so tired, like she hasn't been sleeping at all, and of course the others are concerned

until she unwraps her wings from around herself to reveal the little one cozied up in her arms sleeping peacefully, she makes a joke that it took forever to get her to settle down enough to actually come to the meeting with her, but everyone is just staring in shock like "OH MY GOD THIS IS WHAT SHADOW WAS KEEPING SECRET??????"

meanwhile shadow is just like "Oh!! She's even cuter than I expected!!"

burning ends up screaming at shadow and chasing him around, whilst mystic and silent fawn over little holly, that meeting was completely derailed from the original intent of it, which was trying to plan their escape, in favor of one of the few moments of happiness they'd have together, one everyone is sad benign couldn't be a part of

at some point shadow hides behind eternal, and burning is chasing him around her, and it just makes her burst out into laughter, which causes both of them to stop and just stare at her because ough swan wife laugh pretty, everyone ends up laughing with her and hugging her, as little holly is starting to wake up and joins the hug because poor baby does not know what's going on but she understands these people are hugging her mama and therefore mama needs hugs from her too

the rest goes about as the beasts raising a chaotic ass child as you would expect, with eternal getting shadow to help get hollyberry out into the real world and on her way to crispia around the time she's like 12, because they can't teach her everything, she has to learn some stuff on her own, shadow ends up making a deal with elder for this, makes it very clear to elder that he does not need to know about where the kiddo came from and he just needs to get her over to crispia with some responsible adults to take care of her where they can't

adkwhagraiugra alright i think i'm done with my rambling i am so sorry if any part of this thing makes you uncomfortable at all i tried to be like somewhat vague describing stuff so it wasn't awkward or anything- kajhsdwuahirh okayenjoyreadingimgoingtodissolveovermamaternal

MAMA ETERNAL SUGAR??? OH YES PLEASE!!

but frfr!! this is such a silly idea! also imagine the potential angst when Hollyberry has to stop her evil momma!! MMM MMMM TASTY AU!!!

[soulshards-ooc]

5 Songs I'm Into RN:

God, I love this kinda shit. Thank you so much for the tag @avaritia-ffxiv!!

The top song I have on repeat right now is:

Hold the Night - FORÊT DE VIN

Hold the night And shut the daybreak door Fight the light 'Cause we only wanna run

I don't really listen to like.... vaporwave very much, but this song just scratches something in my brain and I love it so much. I listen to it all the god damn time. It has such a nice vibe and makes me want to take late night drives on a summer day.

And for the rest in no particular order....

Shadow - Livingston

Don't think twice You'll be dead in a second Turn your eyes From your hands to the heavens Kill your pride Turn your fear to a weapon

I mean, the lyrics alone are stellar and a great Character Inspo song (Ezie, lookin at you). But just the difference in vocals and the way he plays with it all is so very good and I love it and I had this song on repeat since I first heard it.

Preacher - Roe Kapara

Stone written tablets in the basements Where authored etched their lies They’ll sell you your forgiveness If you pay them with your life

It's just a vibe. I know its a song about joining a cult and is absolutely wild, but if it ain't great I don't know what isn't. Its very simple but very good for imagining what's going on and I love that.

Mind of Mine - Lo Spirit

I can't save myself I can't make friends with my emotions All they do is leave me broken So, help

This is just a very good personal song for me, really. It's on loop because while it is a GOOD song full of a lot of emotion, I can relate to it all too much and while it makes me sad, it also makes me happy in a weird way, lmao.

Creatures of Heaven - Glass Animals

Ten tonne heartache sitting on your back Scared of the crack where the light comes through I'm only really me when I'm here with you

This new album is gonna be great, thats all I can say. Since GA released this song I've had it on all the time. It's so sweet and melancholic and just ugh. Feelings.

There's definitely more but I will be here forever if I did. So, thank you again for the tag Gore!!

I'll tag uh..... @midnightmagicks, @shadesofblades, @valdiis, @allyennah, @chainsofaether and anyone else who see's this and likes the idea and wants to do it, go ahead!! Also sorry if you've already done it/been tagged, I'm still trying to catch up with shit. <3

[nightsidewrestling]

D.U.D.E: Moments - Part 2 - Eddie's P.O.V at the café (Set in 2020)

Tags: @piratewithvigor@tantamount-treason@thedollmaker16@janetreader

This takes place when Eddie meets Kirby at the café in part 1

Also, Kirby is still Orange. Italics are inner thoughts.

Eddie's P.O.V:

"I… Mox said I should apologise for pissing you off earlier." Eddie mutters, it's a lie but he has the confidence to act like it isn't.

"Apology is not required. I'm busy." Kirby grumbles, her eyes fixed on her laptop.

"Then…" He tries to think up a good reason to stay in the café, "lemme buy you lunch to say sorry and to avoid me gaining an enemy."

"Sure, you can sit with me too, just don't annoy me further, Mister?"

Oh, she doesn't know my name, "Eddie. Kingston. You don't have to bother with any formalities or fancy words."

"Alright then, Eddie, no gimmicks as we're in public, right?"

No gimmicks, so you actually want to know me, Eddie Moore, and not Eddie Kingston? Alright then, "I'm Eddie Moore. Friends call me Eddie, Ma calls me Edward and enemies call me Asshole." He gives her a soft smile when she looks at him.

He takes the opportunity to further take in her looks, beautiful, out of my fuckin' league. Sandy blonde hair which ends in an amber ponytail, which she keeps tied low. Thin eyebrows that have definitely been filled in with a brow pencil, but not overdone, and dark blue eyes, blue eyes like pools I could drown myself in. A few small scars on her otherwise perfect nose, perfect for a wrestler, no signs of previous breaks. Her lips look kissable, I could see myself makin' out wit' her for hours. Her pale skin marked with the scars from many years in the ring. I hope she knows how fuckin' pretty she is. He clears his throat and speaks before his brain can make him back out of the situation.

"So, what's ya name? I heard ya friend call ya 'Kirby'."

"I'm Kirby Rhydderch, or to the audience, Kirby Lucifarian."

Oh Jeez, that's a very hard surname to say, how do you pronounce that, "Rid…" fuck, don't think out loud, idiot, make small talk, keep her attention, "where ya from?"

"Llanfaethlu, Anglesey… Wales."

That's why her surname's impossible to say, she's Welsh. Are all Welsh women this pretty? Focus, Eddie, "Oh, you're that Welsh girl that Mox was talking about, the female Andre." Shit, don't tell her that, thanks Jon, gonna get me in trouble with a hot chick, again.

"He calls me that?" From her tone of voice alone, he can tell that the comparison annoys her.

"Better female Andre than female Doink, right?" I'm sorry, don't hate me, hate Jon, he came up with the female Andre thing.

Kirby chuckles softly, shaking her head and looking at him, "Can I get you a coffee or something?"

Oh you can get me somethin' hot stuff, ya number. Focus Eddie! "Nah, I'm buying, whatever you want."

He listens to her order, repeating it in his head as he gets up to buy it for her. after buying her stuff, he tries his hardest not to stare at her, but she's all he can think about.

She's tall, no duh Eddie she's a giant. She's quiet but fuckin' strong, she's a wrestler of course she looks strong. Does she smoke, probably not but Ma would like that about her. Ma would like a lot about her, we can't introduce her to our Motha we don't know if she's even single and I ain't makin' her go anywhere near dad not a pretty girl like that. She's gotta have a boyfriend, or girlfriend it's 2020 she could be gay, God please tell me she likes me.

He grabs the drinks and heads back to the table, trying to maintain his confident front., "No luck on the food, sorry."

"Well, beggars can't be choosers or so they say." She shrugs.

Her mind's drifted somewhere, she's managed to shrink herself down more, I hope I ain't makin' her afraid of me. Wow, she's got a nice sticker collection all over the back of her computer, "That's a lot of stickers."

“I collect them, I travel a lot because as you know wrestling takes you to a lot of places and I need this for work and private stuff so it comes with me and thus it’s gained… personality, for lack of a better explanation.”

"Gotcha," he nods, "it's got a life of it's own, so you add stickers to make it look like it." He smiles softly as he sits across from her.

[invisibleraven]

Fic-iversary, Year 2!

So two years ago, I posted my first ever JatP fic (you can read it here if you so want-or the one I posted today if you'd rather) and whoo what a ride it has been since then!

I said at the time I wasn't sure if I was gonna write more for this fandom or not, not fully realizing how fully this silly little ghost show would consume my life. Now here we are, 2 years, 60+ fics (and almost 500 ficlets!) later.

We've gone through some hardships, and the fandom has definitely gotten smaller, but I'm sticking it out. I have too many ideas not to!

But because it's an anniversary of sorts, I just wanted to send some love to a few people who have made the ride all the sweeter. I love all of you Fantoms of course, but these four have been floating here in the Rulie canoe with me and deserve the extra attention.

@jmrothwell Josie, it has been a pleasure to watch you blossom as a writer in this fandom, and I just love your determination and creativity. I can't wait to see where your stories, both present and future take you and I hope you know how special you are to me. Thank you for every kind comment and reblog you've given me, and I wish you nothing but the best. Lots of love hun!

@innytoes Ah Inny, the Queen of Aus, the Queen of tags, lover of all things Ray Molina: Best Dad Ever (TM), angsty Reggie fics, and artist extraordinaire. It has been an utter delight becoming your friend, reading your stories, and honestly just talking to you over the past year. Sorry not sorry for making you ship Carrie/Reggie and for making you cry with half my stories. Love you sweetie!

@daintyduck99 Ash, what more can I say than thank you? For always being there to beta my works, or to chat, or just trade cat pics with (please give Smokey a pet for me!). For being an amazing writer, mood board maker, person, and most importantly, friend to me. I treasure every interaction we've had and hope to add to that collection as the years pass us by. Love you so much honey!

@bananakarenina Katie- well I think you know how I feel about you. I think everyone does, honestly. But just in case it bears repeating-I utterly adore you. You are my best friend, my confidante, my sounding board, my fic enabler, my muse, and as always, the Julie to my Reggie. I am determined that sometime this year there will be Katie and Bethany hugs along with many baked goods. I dunno how, but I wanna make it happen! I am still in envy of your brain, your creativity, and most of all, your kindness. I don't know where I would be without you. Te amo, Je t'adore, Mahal kita. No matter the language (And if I got the Filipino wrong I am sorry), the message stays the same-I love you, I love you, I love you.

[what-gs-watching]

This week on...

Ok gang. Here we go, I'm gonna start this thing in earnest.

I’m G. I'm a grown ass woman. With a house, and a dog and a husband, and a (difficult) job.

But I fucking love content. TV shows, movies, a good spotify playlist. Maybe my emotions are broken, but for the past few years, content has been the best way to feel something other than the everyday minutiae. And maybe we can thank COVID for a lot of that.

Because yo, once we went on lockdown, I just started binging. Basically, everything. While my husband was off doing his own thing (tiktok, amiright) I was watching literally EVERYTHING. And I wanted to talk about it.

So I started doing a thing. I'd rush into whatever room my husband was in and start talking at him about what I was streaming at the time. Spewing out these ridiculously terrible synopses of episodes with intricate plots, trying to boil it down so he could follow whatever it was I was ranting about because I had to express why the show was gnawing at me or making me feel shit. And most of the time he'd stare at me blankly and then chuckle.

Eventually I decided to start my rant by announcing "THIS WEEK, ON WHAT G'S WATCHING - " and bless his soul, he'd mostly tolerate my diatribes. (Around this time I was watching Fringe, and he'd know I was coming because he'd hear me scream "PREVIOUSLY ON FRINGE" about 45 minutes prior.)

At some point, I started doing it at my sister as well - this poor woman has two small babies all up in her house and I'd just be texting her about WTF was going on with my show, always announcing "this week, on what g's watching..." and every time she'd simply send back "unsubscribe."

So clearly, I hadn't found my audience. But honestly y'all, I think it's funny. And it's a way to get all of this, whatever this is, out. So I've decided maybe the best course of action is to just scream it into this dark and endless void. Maybe internet strangers will appreciate it. And maybe not. Either way, my sister will appreciate being removed from the mailing list.

All that to say: this week on what g's watching - Good Omens.

On repeat.

Am I literally in the middle of my third rewatch of the entire thing in only like, 2 weeks time? Yes. Should I be ashamed of that? Probably.

But fuck it. Season two punched me in the face and the butt and the heart and I went down a fucking rabbit hole. It may or may not be how I ended up on Tumblr (I guess I thought I was a grown ass woman). It may or may not be eating me alive.

Liking completely inappropriate memes? Check. Stumbled into some fanfiction? That's neither here nor there. Reading long-winded posts about whether it was Aziraphale's fault or Crowley's fault, wherein everyone has their own tinfoil-hat theory? Oh yeah. I'm in deep, folks.

I'm not gonna lie, it usually doesn't get this bad. I watched the entirety of Supernatural (all the while yelling "why are they so obsessed with each other? I don't understand why I'm still watching this!" through FIFTEEN goddamn seasons) and even still, I didn't get pulled in like this. And that fandom is so crazy.

At the time I finished Supernatural, I thought it'd be my comfort show, and I restarted it. But, just kidding.

Good Omens has taken over literally everything.

So to the actual point. A ridiculous synopsis of season 2 because I can't get it out of my goddamn brain:

A sweet looking, chubby tow-headed (kind of former? retired?) angel that owns a bookshop wherein no books are ever sold, Aziraphale, and his gorgeous, hip-swiveling (retired? disgraced?) demon companion (friend? best friend? partner?) Crowley stalk around their London neighborhood hiding a dick-faced archangel who can't remember why he is such a dick-face, from both heaven and hell, while meddling in the love lives of other shop owners and talking PAST each other about what the eff is ACTUALLY going on, and ALSO flashing back to 6,000 years worth of their own ridiculously adorable and infuriating interactions.

It's a fucking love story, kids. In the worst and most beautiful ways possible. And I just. can't.

And so. I guess, here we are? This may or may not turn into anything. But for now. Shouting into the void…

[the-firebird69]

This guy MA Benedetto thinks he's real smart and it's Trump and he's in the past trying to wrap on everybody to take everything from everybody and he goes around doing it and keeps on going and keep telling him to stop . And he would not stop and our son says no big trick it's no big deal everybody tries to do it at some point and figures out that it's really hell and you end up gone or something so they stop they try and do it every once in awhile they don't make it a full time occupation more or less is what he has said because it's a failed technique and you end up gone. Since his clan does it but they actually have brains and the system but they end up losing but they're forced to do it and you're not he looks over and says what you makes you think so it says you get bigger and bigger you start using your system and you get smaller and smaller but a lot of people are obtuse to it put on the blinders and just go until they're gone i've seen it before I'm seeing it again before it begins and he looks over and says you're beginning it and I said why would I why would I not do that you're an offender you're attacking me occasionally you have my money you try and mess with my girl and I've never seen anyone survive it mostly I don't have to lift a finger but in this case I'm going to and you won't make it through the night ever so it says that to him because it's a stupid thing to do and it's a dumb technique and mostly kids try it then adults try it occasionally and figure out that it's actually very stupid but this guy will not stop doing it and it's to take stuff it ends up being a clearinghouse for the max and he doesn't understand it and our son says you don't put any information on them now you don't tell people what they're up to they're beneath you all the time as you say but physically you don't know what you're doing you don't know where they are you don't have futell or information on them and you start harping on some word because you're a **** **** so you got really mad and he says I don't know what they're doing and I say I'm riding so he tries to figure it out and he goes over it and he says Jesus Christ then they're running the whole thing it says yeah and tons of words and things came out he said most of it's real all you have to do is verify and I can't in my position you keep bothering this **** out of me that there are things I can do you might have to be an adult are you gonna be checking out and he gets real mad and says you know I'm tired I said **** **** by the way **** **** now I start hitting you I can't **** stand you I don't want you to know anything so we started going after him and said who cares if you know about the max and he kept saying and saying it and we kept hitting him now he's gonna go down forever and this time devoted to repeating the same thing over and over about one idiot and his flaw are going to end this person was used up. And we're going to use them up until he's toast and we're going to use them on the rest of you idiots who sit there thinking you're winning something because our son gets mad you had the most petty unbelievably shallow moronic people we've ever seen. And Brad is raking way up there with that stupid crap so all you feel bad and you feel this and feel that who cares do I have all those stashes and cashes in possession not yet but that doesn't have much to do with it so he's looking around then he starts doing this attack **** this is I don't have to take that stuff I can recycle it all but I can't **** stain you people I can't stand you I wanna look at your fat **** idiot face or your idiot friend's face i'd rather step you into a small bottle he goes that honest to God it's a wonderful oddity isn't it and he says wow people have been doing that to you guys for a long time so all these people are bothering every **** one of them comes here to kill you is he won't shut your **** pretty little mouth they come here to cut your head off and to stick it up their ****

Thor Freya

Olympus.