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bella-rose29 · 1 year ago

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Golden Boy

Nikolai Lantsov x f!reader

They meet at the University of Ketterdam and sparks fly, but he becomes Sturmhond and she stays behind.

Word count: 5.3k (there's a part two as well send help)

Warnings: swearing, angst, i cried when i wrote this and if it was on paper it would be covered in my tears

Tag list: @bubybubsters, @hauntedenthusiasttragedy, @karensirkobabes, @kentucky-criedfricken, @notoakay, @naushtheaspiringauthor, @el-de-phi, @simbaaas-stuff

Please let me know here if you want to be added or removed from my general Nikolai tag list my lovelies <3

(not my image although i think that's probably obvious)

Y/n was early for her class, which confused her. Normally she was running late, turning up a minimum of five minutes after whatever the event was had started, no matter what, so to be early for once was making her worried. She checked her timetable again, looking at the room number on her paper and the room number on the door, then at the time and date on the paper and the time and date on the huge clock in front of her, all the details matching, and decided she didn't like being early. She also didn't like being late, to be clear; there wasn't much that was more embarrassing than walking in to a room full of people mid-lesson, and having everyone stare at you as you walked to the only available seat that was as far away from the door as humanly possible (which totally wasn't an experience the girl had had before).

Sitting down on one of the chairs outside the classroom, she sighed, hoping the professor would turn up soon. Footsteps started echoing through the corridor immediately after she had the thought, and she was starting to get worried at how lucky she was today.

Maybe I'll go place a bet on something later, she thought. Looking up, however, she saw not the professor but another student, clothes neat and not crumpled at all (the ones she had on were the only clean items she could find on the floor of her room that morning), blond hair perfectly styled (her hair looked like a bird had recently finished nesting in it), and bag slung effortlessly over one shoulder (hers was dumped on the floor, the strap unable to bear more than the weight of a single book most days).

She immediately didn't like him.

When he smiled at her, teeth blindingly white, her dislike grew at this obviously rich posh kid who had never had to ask for a thing in his life, and tried not to physically move away from him when he sat in the seat next to her.

"Are you in 'Languages of the World' too?" he asked.

"No, I just thought I'd sit outside the classroom and wait for the professor of a class I don't attend." His smile faltered slightly, and she felt a little bad. She knew it was harsh, but she had no time for rich kids, and he was obviously one of them. Having grown up on the streets of Ketterdam, working three jobs to pay for her family to stay in a single hotel room, she knew how to suss a person out within five seconds. It wasn't bias, she'd learned how to read body language and facial expressions when she was 9, and it was extremely handy for knowing who to approach and who to avoid in the streets.

"That was sarcasm," she said, even though her voice had been dripping with it just now and there was no way that he had missed it.

"Right..." he trailed off, and thankfully at that moment some other students turned up, giving her an excuse to not talk to him. The professor turned up just as the bell sounded, and Y/n leapt up, desperate to be as far away from Golden Boy as physically possible.

Once inside the classroom, the professor announced a seating plan, and Y/n internally groaned.

Please let me be sat next to someone who has some sort of a grasp on languages, she thought.

In her first week at University while on the hunt for friends, she'd discovered that of all the people in this class, barely anyone spoke something of all the languages taught. Learning other languages had been another skill she'd picked up as a child, since a lot of tourists came to Kerch (although having grown up here, she had no idea why, it was a complete shit hole in her opinion). It had allowed her to get a third job as a translator for some offices, and it paid so well that after only six months working there she was able to drop one of her other jobs.

Finding her name on the sheet of paper the professor had pinned to the board, she went and sat in her seat, taking her books out of her bag. Just as she placed her bag on the floor, she felt someone sit down on her left, and mentally prepared herself for the greeting.

Nothing prepared her for the fact that Golden Boy was her table partner, however, and she choked on her spit. He frowned, concern flashing across his features. "Are you alright? Saints, here, have some water." She took the bottle that he presented, taking a large swig before handing the bottle back to him. Embarrassing that he'd seen that happen, but she had noticed his use of the word 'Saints'. So he was Ravkan. She wasn't sure how she'd missed the slight accent before, but now she knew where he was from, it was obvious.

"I'm alright now, sorry."

"Let me know if you need any more, yeah?" Ghezen's Hand, he even spoke like he'd been raised on caviar and silver platters, despite speaking Kerch.

"I'll be fine, thank you."

Not long after, the register was called, and the professor went round the tables individually. When he got to their table, checking they were there, Y/n almost choked on air again.

"Y/n L/n?"

"Here, sir."

"Nikolai Lantsov?"

What? The professor had made some kind of mistake, surely. There was no way that-

"Here, sir."

What?!

Why the fuck was the second heir to the Ravkan throne in her 'Languages of the World' class? And why was he sat next to her? Although, actually he didn't have much choice in sitting next to her, because of the seating plan, but she chose to ignore that piece of information for the time being. The whole class was tittering, whispers rising as they recognised the name.

"Settle down, students, settle down. Let's get started, shall we?" The professor called, moving to stand behind his desk.

"What. The. Fuck?" she muttered under her breath, although apparently not quietly enough.

"I didn't think he'd do it like that, to be fair. I was hoping I could be a little more incognito, but yes, 'what the fuck' perfectly sums this up I'd say," he whispered, leaning in slightly so that he didn't have to speak so loudly. Y/n refused to turn to look at him, keeping her gaze fixed on the professor at the front of the room and starting to make notes on what he was saying.

The rest of the class passed without too much stress, and luckily Y/n barely had to speak to the prince. No wonder he'd sounded so posh, though. And he probably had been raised on caviar and silver platters. By the time the lesson was over, two hours after it had begun, Y/n couldn't wait to leave. She'd enjoyed learning, but having to sit next to literal royalty wasn't doing wonders for her self-esteem, and her ass hurt from having to sit still on the chair for so long. Packing up her things, she turned to leave, but apparently His Royal Highness Prince Nikolai Lantsov had other ideas.

"I know I haven't made the best impression on you - don't look at me like that, I know I haven't - but did you want to do the homework together? My Fjerdan isn't brilliant, but you seem to be amazing at it, so I was just wondering if you would help?" He looked nervous, hands fidgeting at his sides, pulling at the bottom of his coat. She sighed deeply.

"Fine. Just... try not to be posh or anything. I can't stand it."

"How do I do that?"

"I don't know, do I? If I think you're getting too posh, I'll glare at you and start to leave, alright? Then you know what not to do." She walked off, hoping he'd follow. Sure enough, he did, footsteps echoing as they had earlier. Looking down at his feet she realised that it was because he had fancy shoes on, the kind that she could buy for the price of her house, and scoffed out loud.

"What now? Have I done something posh?"

"No, sorry. It's just that even your shoes are posh."

"Wait," he said, stopping abruptly. She stopped too, half turning back to face him, and frowning when he stuck his hand out. "Hello, I'm Nikolai, but just Nik is fine," he said with a smile, and Y/n's frown turned to an expression of incredulity.

"What are you doing?"

"Well, we got off on the wrong foot, and you don't like me too much, so I figured I should introduce myself the way I should have done before class."

"For the record, this," she waved her hands in his general direction, "is too posh. But fine. I'm Y/n, and don't shorten it, because we're not friends." She took his hand, annoyed when she felt a butterfly take flight in her stomach at how their hands seemed to fit together.

"Yet."

"What?" She pulled her hand back. Enough physical contact for today.

"We're not friends yet. I'm very persistent when I want to be. And I would like to be friends with you."

Y/n snorted. "What for? I've insulted you to your face multiple times the entire time we've known each other, despite the fact that's completely inappropriate."

"That's exactly why I want to be friends with you, because you're not pretending to like me. I could already see everyone else in that class eyeing me up, seeing how they could try and get close to me in a stupid attempt to be able to say that they're friends with royalty. You just ignored me, and to be honest? It felt great."

"Um... you do realise how weird you sound, right?"

"Yeah, I... as soon as I said that I realised. But I mean it, Y/n," he replied, following after her as she started walking again. "It's nice to have to try and make a friend. Wait, that was posh, wasn't it?" At her slow nod he winced, and she felt a pang of sympathy. She supposed that having no idea who your real friends were was something they had in common, and decided she could try being a little nicer to him.

"Look, I'm sorry for being rude and stuff, I just really don't like rich people. I grew up on the streets while I worked 20 hours a day to keep my family in a shitty hotel room and fed and warm and all the rest of it, and when rich people heard about my situation they'd just say 'stop being poor, that'll solve your problems'." He was staring at her, unreadable expression on his face, and it was making her slightly uncomfortable. She'd never not been able to read someone before. "But... I know what it's like to be alone, and honestly Ketterdam is one of the last places you wanna be alone, so if having a real friend is gonna help, then I guess I can let you tag along to my study sessions. This does not mean that we are friends, to be clear. You've still gotta work for that. But I'm giving you extra opportunities, alright?" He nodded, so fast she was worried his head would go flying off, and the smile on his face was so wide and genuine she couldn't help but let a small smile onto her own face.

"You have every right to not like me, especially with a life like that. I'm sorry that that happened, too. But I promise I'll try and convince you to be my friend, and then be the absolute best friend you could ever have asked for."

She rolled her eyes at his words, pushing open the door to the University library. "You are very full of yourself, you know that?"

"I have been told that, yes. Most often by Dominik, actually. But then he's always calling me names, so I feel the need to defend myself by making myself feel important and unstoppable."

Snorting at him she asked "Who's Dominik?", and finding a table in the back of the library and sitting down, she pulled out the homework.

"My best friend, lives in Ravka. He's in the army now, down in the front lines. We grew up together."

"Is he posh like you?"

"Nope. His family lives on a farm. They're better off than they were when we were growing up; I've managed to siphon funds from a noble I don't like to his family so that they don't have to worry too much. The harvest can be rough where they are, so I didn't want them to starve. They always managed to put food on the table when I came over, so this is my way of saying thank you, I guess."

Y/n couldn't help but stare in shock at the prince (who was blissfully unaware as he unpacked his own bag). "Wait. Your best friend is a commoner?"

"Yeah. You'd probably get on, actually. Bond over teasing the shit out of me or something."

"And you're helping his family?"

He paused in his movements, looking at her properly. Seeing the confusion on her face, his own expression softened. "You think it's impossible for a rich person to help someone."

It wasn't a question, but she still nodded. Having grown up expecting the least from everybody, she was used to people with money doing nothing, leaving the poor on the streets. Never, in her life, had she met a rich person that had actively done something useful to help someone else, so to hear Nikolai Lantsov, prince of the Ravkan throne, talk about how he was helping a poor family made her want to hug him.

"You know, usually when people say 'impossible' they actually mean 'improbable'," he said, and she smiled a little.

"That's stupid."

He shrugged. "It's true though. Think about it. You thought it was impossible for a rich person to help someone, but I've just proved to you that it's only improbable, because out of all the ones you've come across, I'm the only rich person you've met that has."

She couldn't deny his logic. "Still stupid. Come on, I heard your Fjerdan earlier, this is gonna take all week."

They spent hours in the library, occasionally getting up and walking around the table to stretch their legs or collect a book, and by the time they were kicked out by the librarian due to closing, Y/n had found herself having fun. He was funny, and actually quite nice, and yes, his Fjerdan was horrific, but he was a fast learner, and by the time they left for the night he had improved significantly.

"How long until I'm fluent, then?"

"Not sure. How long are you here for?"

"Three years, apparently. I might die of boredom before then, there doesn't appear to be much else to do, and my parents want me to do a politics course next year."

"You might die of boredom? What are you, a puppy in need of constant entertainment?"

"Ironically my nickname in court is 'Sobachka', so sort of." Y/n reached her door, pausing outside.

"This is me. This is also not an invitation to be outside my door every opportunity you get, alright?" He nodded. "Good. Night, Nik." She opened her door, stepping inside and closing it again before he had a chance to reply.

~~~

He took every opportunity to be outside her door.

It was infuriating at first, how persistent he was, but after a week of him trailing her heels she figured she should just get used to it.

They spent most evenings in either her or his room (his was significantly more neat and tidy than hers), studying, doing homework, or trying to get Nikolai better at speaking Fjerdan (it really was atrocious, which she couldn't understand since he'd pretty much mastered all the other languages). The rest of the time was spent in lessons, or for Y/n working shifts whenever she had some spare time. Nikolai had offered to help out financially, but Y/n, despite her constant pleadings that rich people would give away more of their money to the people that needed it, refused to take his. It felt too much like she was using him, and given how excited he'd been to have a real friend, she just felt bad thinking about it.

One night they were in her room, Nikolai sprawled on her bed and Y/n picking various things up off the floor and other surfaces in an attempt to tidy. He had an arm flung over his forehead, and a leg dangled off the side of the bed, making him look like one of those ladies in a painting that had fainted onto a fancy sofa.

"You could help me, you know."

"You wouldn't let me. As soon as I touched something you'd tell me not to break it, or that I'm putting it in the wrong place." She groaned at his words, knowing frustratingly that he was right. It was annoying how quickly he'd worked out how to understand her, but then he was a fast learner. That thought made her pause.

"If you're such a fast learner, how come you're shit at speaking Fjerdan?"

"What do you mean?" He removed his arm from his head, opening an eye to squint up at her. "I'm not that bad."

"Uh, yeah you are. I had to teach you the word for 'goodbye' yesterday because you'd forgotten it. Seriously, who is that bad at Fjerdan? I know it's not an easy language to learn, but you've mastered the others." He blushed a light pink, pushing himself up on his elbows.

"I uh, I haven't been entirely honest with you, and when I tell you I need you to not hate me" he started, looking like he was bracing himself for a physical attack.

"What." Her eyes narrowed.

"I'm actually fluent in Fjerdan, I just pretended I couldn't understand it so that we had a legitimate reason to spend time together," he replied, in perfect, unaccented Fjerdan. She froze where she stood, eyes wide, then chucked the decorative pillow she was holding at his head. "Ow!" he cried as it made contact, falling backwards against the covers.

"Well you deserve it, you bastard! You've been lying to me for a week because you were desperate for a friend?! I would have been your friend anyway, you dipshit!"

"You... you would?"

"Yes!" she shouted, throwing her hands in the air in exasperation. Her breath came rapidly, chest heaving from shouting.

"Oh..." he paused, looking bashful. "I just... normally I'm good at making friends, I just figured you wouldn't want to spend time with a rich kid unless you had a reason to. And I really wanted to be friends with you, Y/n."

"Well how did you become friends with Dominik? Pretend you were shit at Zemeni?"

"It was a lot more complicated than that, and no I did not. You know that my Zemeni is flawless," he held a hand to his chest in mock hurt, a pout forming on his face.

"Oh, forgive me for not remembering that when you lied to my face about your Fjerdan!"

"You aren't too mad at me, are you?" he questioned, pushing himself up into a sitting position, worry filling his expression.

"No, I'm not. I just... am frustrated that you didn't tell me sooner."

"I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you!"

"Oh, you don't have to-"

"No, I will," he said, leaping up from the bed to stand in front of her and hold her arms. "I will. Are you free tomorrow evening? Actually, don't answer that, I know you are. I'll pick you up at six bells, alright?"

"Pick me up? Nik, what do you mean?"

"I'll feed you, all you have to do is look pretty and bring your appetite, which shouldn't be too difficult for you given how gorgeous you are anyway, because I'm paying and that's that."

Y/n felt her face warm at his words, and the pesky butterflies that had slowly been waking up the last week fluttered in her stomach.

"I don't have anything nice to wear though, so you'll just have to deal with what I've got and not take me anywhere fancy. Seriously, a street vendor would be fine. And don't spend too much, becau-"

"Saints, please stop talking! I will take you where I want to take you and if you don't have anything to wear then tell me, because I refuse to be seen in public with somebody who's naked, alright?" She hit him (gently), and he jumped back, laughing. "I mean it! Imagine how ruinous that could be for my reputation!" She hit him again, smiling along with him as he picked up a pillow to defend himself. Y/n lifted a pillow of her own, and before long they were having an all-out pillow fight on the floor of her bedroom.

~~~

Y/n was panicking.

It wouldn't be long until six bells, and where she was always late, Nikolai was extremely punctual, and she knew for a fact that he would be knocking on her door as soon as the first bell sounded, and here she was, stood in the middle of her room, surrounded by clothes yet not wearing any of them. She was yet to pick an outfit, and although she'd said to Nikolai yesterday that he'd have to deal with whatever she picked out, and she'd never been one for caring what other people thought of her clothes, but for some reason, nothing seemed good enough.

"Ugh, this is ridiculous!"

It was ridiculous, how much time she had spent on finding the perfect outfit. But for some reason she wanted to look nice for their date- wait, what? Since when had she been thinking of this as a date?!

A knock sounded at her door, three sharp raps, and she knew immediately that it was Nikolai.

"Shit!" she whispered, the word leaving her mouth like a hiss. "Uh, one minute!" She heard muffled laughter (the bastard), and hopped around the room, picking up random items and pulling them on as quickly as she could. Running over to the door, she yanked it open, revealing her Golden Boy, hands in his pockets, looking effortlessly handsome in his simple white shirt and black slacks.

"Are you sure you want to wear that? I know I said I wouldn't judge you, but this outfit is really quite something." He was trying to hide his smirk incredibly unsuccessfully, and she slapped him on the arm, sending him a glare.

"Look, I'm struggling, okay? You haven't told me anything about where we're going, and I have no idea what I should wear!"

"Just... okay." He walked around the small room, rummaging through the various piles of clothes, discarding most and throwing them to the side. "Aha! Here, put these on." He shoved the articles he'd gathered into her hands, then pushed her behind the screen she'd put up in the corner of the room. Changing quickly, and definitely not almost falling over multiple times, she emerged five minutes later, dressed in the blouse and long skirt he'd picked out for her.

"Alright, fine. Can we go now?"

"Hmm?" He turned around, then froze, staring at her.

"What? You were the one that chose this outfit, if there's a problem it's your fault!"

"No! No, it's not that, you just... you look... good," he finished quietly, blushing.

"Oh," she replied, her own blush heating up her cheeks. "Well, um... let me just put my shoes on, and then we can go." He nodded, and watched as she laced up her boots. Opening the door for her when she was done, Nikolai offered his other arm up to Y/n, and she took it gladly (partly to be closer to him and partly to stop herself falling over from how nervous she was). "Actually, where are we going?"

"A tiny restaurant I found on my first day here; the food is incredible."

The walk was short, and it startled Y/n to realise that Nikolai's guards had come with them, trailing behind at a distance. When she'd asked him about it, he just said that they'd always been there, just out of sight. She wondered how many of their conversations they'd overheard, or if they'd picked up on how much she liked her Golden Boy now. She didn't have much time to ponder, however, as Nikolai pulled her around a corner into a hidden courtyard that, in her entire life living in Ketterdam, she had never noticed before.

"What? Don't you like it? We can go somewhere else, if you want? I just thought tha-"

"You're rambling, Nik. And I do like it, I'm just annoyed that you found this place before I did and you didn't even grow up here!"

"Oh! Well that's alright then. Come on!" He seemed to ignore everything she'd said past 'like it', dragging her along by the arm to a table out the front of the restaurant. They were greeted a few moments later, presented with menus and the specials, then left to decide what they wanted. Y/n made her mind up quickly (a habit she'd picked up from not liking being rushed), then took the time to look around.

The courtyard was small, boxed in by tiny apartments on all sides, some with little balconies overlooking the square. The walls were lined with plants, flowers blooming despite it being late in the year, and small lights littered the spaces in between the leaves. It was gorgeous, and she wondered how often Nikolai had come here. Speaking of Nikolai, she turned back to study him. He seemed to be taking extra time to decide what he wanted, brow furrowed as he browsed the menu, biting a nail as he did so. A strand of his hair had come away from his perfectly styled locks (seriously, who had time for that?), and before she knew what she was doing, Y/n was reaching over and smoothing it back.

Nikolai had looked up as she moved, and was now sat staring at her, eyes wide, as her hand brushed his forehead.

"What," he cleared his throat, "What are you doing?" His voice was shaky, and filled with nerves, and Y/n thought he was adorable like this.

"You had a hair out of place, and it was annoying me," she shrugged, leaning back in her seat. "Have you chosen yet?" He nodded, still looking at her, a dazed expression on his face.

"Yeah, I have," he replied, voice quiet, and Y/n got the distinct feeling that he wasn't talking about the food.

~~~

The rest of the evening passed in a blur, filled with laughter and talking, and never a dull moment. There were silences, yes, but they were comfortable, and the longer the night went on, the more Y/n found herself thinking of it as a date.

He might not be thinking it's a date, though. I don't want to get my hopes up.

When they came to leave, Nikolai paid just like he said he would (much to Y/n's annoyance, because she could have paid for her own meal), and they left the courtyard arm in arm.

They were almost back to the University when Nikolai spoke.

"I had a nice time tonight, Y/n." She'd been looking up at the stars, barely visible through the clouds and making her neck sore, but now she turned her head to face him.

"Me too." They were quiet again for a bit, but then Nikolai started huffing, apparently wanting to say something but not finding the words or the courage. "Spit it out, Lantsov."

"Was this a date?"

His words shocked her, and her mind went blank for a moment. At her lack of answer he grew worried, concern that he'd messed things up crossing his features, and she quickly went to rectify it.

"I'd like it to be. You know, if you would. Obviously if you don't then no, but if you do then that's-"

"I'd like it to be a date, Y/n/n."

"Oh. Good. Okay then." Y/n was quiet for a minute. "Good." She winced at herself, cringing at how awkward she was making it, but luckily they pulled to a stop outside her door, giving her an escape. He was smiling at her, a soft smile reserved for her, not one of the blinding ones he used to win people over, and her heart fluttered.

"Night then. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, see you tomorrow, Nik." She went to open her door, pausing for a moment as she made a decision. Reaching up, she planted her lips on his cheek, then hurried inside and slammed the door, leaving him standing in the hallway.

~~~

Three weeks later, Y/n was sat at a table in one of the coffee shops littered around the campus, usually filled with students dead on their feet needing the caffeine to get through a class without falling asleep. She had her notes out in front of her, working her way through an essay she had to write, when a book slammed on the table, making her jump. She looked up, immediately finding the perpetrator.

"What the fuck, Nik? Why would you- oh shit. No. Not that face. That's your 'I have an idea that you won't approve of' face, and we both know what happened last time."

He'd fallen off a wall trying to climb it, saying he could sneak into the principal's office from there. He'd ended up concussed.

"That is not a face I have, and anyway, you've only known me for like, a month, Y/n/n, how do you know what my faces are already?"

"I'm good at reading people," she shrugged. "Go on, spit it out."

"Hear me out," he said, excitement creeping into his voice. He lifted the book in front of him.

"Privateering for dummies? Nik, seriously, what are you gonna do?" He frowned, turning the book to read the title.

"Shit, I picked up the wrong one. I know the basics already, just wanted to learn some history really. Must have left in such a hurry I didn't get the right book."

"What do you mean, you know the basics? You're going round attacking enemy ships in your spare time? Wait, is that why you bailed on me the other day?"

"I didn't bail on you, I forgot, and was busy with something else, so can we please move on from that. And no, I'm not a privateer yet, I just..." he sighed, finally sitting down. "I can't stay here, Y/n/n. I'm bored as fuck and while you are amazing, and learning languages with you is great, I need to be doing more. You know what I'm like, always fidgeting. I think this will be good for me."

"One, you need to actually tell me what you were doing to bail on me, and then we can move on. Two, I know I'm amazing, but thank you for the extra validation. Three, why privateering? Why not become a mechanic or something? And four - don't look at me like that! You can't come in here, dump that information on me and then expect me to just smile and go along with it! Four, what about your obligations? Won't people notice that the second prince of Ravka has disappeared, and then not long later a privateer that looks remarkably like Nikolai Lantsov turns up?"

"All valid points. If you must know, I completely forgot we had plans, and I feel really bad about it, but at the same time I was reading this incredible book that I couldn't put down, and then there was a really hot sex scene, and I-""

"Okay! I don't need the details, thank you!"

"Fine, fine," he said, dodging the straw she threw at him. "Privateering because when I was travelling over here, and this is going to sound really cheesy, but I just felt... at home. I felt more like me than I had for a long time, and when you've spent your life cooped up in a palace, although not cooped up, 'cause it's a big space, but you know what I mean," he paused, frowning as he tried to remember his train of thought. "It felt so free out there, nothing but water as far as the eye can see, and I don't know, maybe I could do more for Ravka out there than I ever could as the spare. As for your fourth point, I'll get tailored, change what I look like, keep a low profile for a little while so the timings don't quite match up."

Y/n was silent for a while, contemplating everything he'd said. "When would you leave?"

"We would leave next week, I've already made arrangements for a couple of things, but pretty much everything else will have to be done on the night, because I can't get everything past my guards. What? What's that face for?"

"'We'?" she asked quietly. "What do you mean 'we'?"

"Aren't... you're not coming with me?" He looked confused, and gods bless him he wore his heart on his sleeve, because his expression was so genuine and so lost that she immediately felt bad for what she was about to say.

"No, Nik," she started gently. "I can't go with you, not when I've worked my ass off my whole life to get here. I need this degree to get a proper job, so that I can support my family, and being with you won't help that." She saw hurt flash across his face, which quickly morphed into a neutral expression, attempted boredom covering up any real feelings.

"Being with me?"

"You know, going and being a privateer with you. Obviously I don't mean literally being with you, or we wouldn't be together, but abandoning all of this? I'm sorry, Nik, but I can't do it, not even for you." He nodded, still no sign of any emotion on his face, and even when she tried hard to read him, Y/n got nothing. She felt horrible, knowing that she was the one that had made her sweet Golden Boy look numb inside, but she couldn't take back her words. She'd worked too hard for this life, and no matter what she felt for the man sitting opposite her, she couldn't just give it up. He stood, taking Privateering for Dummies with him, and left the coffee shop without looking back.

~~~

The next few days were excruciating, having to spend all of her classes with him trying to make conversation while he tried to ignore her, or when he had no choice but to speak to her, answering in short sentences. The professor had noticed, and one lesson asked if Y/n wanted to move, but she'd said no, not wanting to give up just yet. She'd be damned if Nikolai left while they were still on bad terms.

After one particularly painful lesson where he'd spent the entire time pretending he couldn't hear her because his ears were blocked from the bath he took that morning (a blatant lie, she was sure), Y/n approached his dorm door, knocking firmly. It swung open not long after, revealing Nikolai, hair mussed and bags under his eyes. Upon realising who was stood at his door, he went to close it, but Y/n snuck in under his arm, moving to stand in the middle of the room. It was a mess, clothes everywhere, bed unmade, books and papers scattered on every surface. Normally he was the picture of tidiness, and seeing his room so chaotic made her heart hurt. "Nik," she began.

"Just go, please." His voice was tired, assumedly from his lack of sleep, and she started walking towards the door. He opened it back up for her, but Y/n threw her arms around him instead, bringing him into a hug.

"I'm sorry, Nik. I'm so so sorry. Why didn't you tell me you were like this?"

"I didn't want you to worry, darling." He was sniffling against her neck as he wrapped his own arms around her. The pet name made her heart skip a beat, and she didn't understand why he wouldn't tell his girlfriend that he'd been in such a state.

"I'll always worry about you, Nik, you're my best friend," she replied. "And also my partner, which makes the worry doubled."

"Please, just go. I'm leaving tonight anyway, and I'd rather I didn't get caught and drag you down with me." He pulled away from her, wiping his eyes and going to pack more things away. Now that she understood that tonight was the night, she realised that his room was a mess because he was leaving.

"I don't want you to go on bad terms, Nik. What if something happens to you before we see each other again and we don't get a chance to work things out?" Desperation had crept into her voice now, but Y/n didn't care. Not when tomorrow she would be alone again. "Please, just talk to me, we'll figure this out."

He shook his head, shoving more things into the bag on his bed. He pulled on a thick jumper, ears popping out as it came over his head and hair somehow more tousled than it had been before. "There isn't anything to figure out. I want to go, and you want to stay. I was just doing damage control so that when I left it hurt less."

"This is hurting more, Nik, can't you see that? I've spent the last however many days thinking that you hate me because you won't even talk to me, let alone look at me! You might think that what you did was better, but it's not, not in the slightest. Because now I'm scared that you'll just keep pushing me away, instead of helping fix this, and I don't want you to push me away!" He flinched as her voice rose, but she couldn't bring herself to care, not when she now had tears streaming down her cheeks and a lump in her throat at the idea that maybe he was just like all the other rich people, and she was just a charity case to him. She'd been stupid to trust him, to think that he was different, and when he didn't say anything, she huffed, suspicions confirmed. "Fine. Fine. But don't come running back to me the next time you're in Ketterdam because you want someone to be your friend, because I won't be there." She pulled her necklace out, chucking it on the bed. "Keep it, so that you can remember how badly you fucked this up every day you're out on the True Sea."

She was being bitter again, just like when they'd first met, but now she had good reason. She wanted him to have a reminder of her, and her necklace would be perfect. Nikolai was still silent, stood by his bed and staring blankly at the object she'd thrown his way, and when she closed the door behind her, the silver of it was glinting cruelly in the light of his lamp.

Part 2

#grishaverse #netflix shadow and bone #nikolai lantsov #nikolai lanstov x reader #nikolai x reader #nikolai lanstov x y/n #nikolai x y/n

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eternityservedcold · 2 years ago

Text

an extremely thorough list of content warnings for jojos bizarre adventure

because the old one was made by a deleted blog so it isnt easily accessible any more (and i dont think it was good enough to begin with)

btw if you say anything to the effect of "why do people like jojo when it has x" or "you guys really excuse y?" on this post im just gonna block you. people who get angry about me saying to skip parts/episodes will also get blocked.

feel free to reply/send an ask with anything i missed, preferably with a chapter or episode number. parts 7 and 8 wont be on here in full until i finish reading them but feel free to send me cws for them and ill add them. also the warnings are just in the order they appear, and more specifically when they appear in the anime, so as to not have weird "x is more important than y" nonsense

general warnings

these are things that…. basically if youre triggered by these i think you should just sit this out tbh. its an amazing series but its not worth repeatedly triggering yourself. this ones just ordered alphabetically bc its throughout (read: in at least 3 parts)

blood, violence, body horror, gore, and death -amputation -animal abuse and death (especially of dogs) -decapitation -eye, nail, and mouth horror -impalement -parental and sibling death -police brutality -suicide and self harm

child abuse -child abandonment -corporal punishment -leering shots of minors bodies -pedophilia (still gets a warning every time) -physical abuse

christian themes and symbolism

drug use -alcohol -tobacco -underage drug use -unspecified white powder

fire and explosions

gambling

misogyny, both in-universe and on the part of the author

racism (gets specific warnings every time)

sexual misconduct -catcalling -rape (still gets a warning every time) -sexual assault -sexual harassment

unsanitary -eating/drinking gross things —being forced to eat/drink gross things -pee -poop -snot -vomit

vehicle accidents -car accidents -plane crashes

part 1: phantom blood

(manga only) ritual sacrifice

restricted eating

non-consensual kissing

(manga only) a dog is shown on fire

poisoning

chinese ethnic stereotypes

a baby gets eaten

part 2: battle tendency

okay im gonna rip the bandaid off now. there are nazis in this one, and its significantly worse than youd expect just reading that. im gonna quote the old list here: "there are so many nazis in this part and they’re not condemned like at all tbh". i would almost say its glorified, one of the main allies is a nazi and another main ally directly praises a different nazi. in the manga, hitler and swastikas are explicitly shown as well as nazis being called by name, but in the anime, they are removed and simply called german soldiers.

almost nothing from this part comes back in the future and what does come back is explained as it comes up or is understandable from context. so please. if you need to skip this part, just do it. i even understand if you skip the whole series because of this.

its possible some may find the mesoamerican aesthetic of the villains in this part to be insensitive or offensive. im mexican and i personally dont, but i could see why someone would

racism toward: -black people -mexican people —slavery and degradation of mexican women is explicitly shown -japanese people

hostage situation

kidnapping

human experimentation

ritual sacrifice

"man in a dress" gag and subsequent transmisogyny

unintentional incest. there are only two scenes of this, which are: -a character spying on someone (later revealed to be their mother) in the bath -going through said mothers belongings and talking about her panties

animal cannibalism

part 3: stardust crusaders

since fights in this part are much more self-contained than the other parts, its possible to skip some of these if youre triggered by them. those will be marked with chapter and episode numbers

a woman gets spontaneously undressed in the middle of a fight (only her bra shows but it happens against her will)

jotaro, a 17 year old, kisses an adult woman to save her from possession. i wouldnt really say this is pedophilia and it lasts for 1 panel/less than 10 seconds but i found it uncomfortable

while incapacitated from sickness, holly will randomly be shown naked with weird leering camera angles. this happens many more times in the anime than the manga

pedophilia (depicted as a bad thing and the victim is saved before anything happens) (skip chapters 17-19/episode 7)

native american stereotypes (skip chapters 20-22/episode 8)

"person gets replaced" trope (skip chapters 23-6/episode 9; chapters 76-79/episode 27)

infection

suffocation

drowning

"child acting like a pervert" trope (skip chapters 92-96/episodes 32-33) -in the same episodes, the child spends the entire fight naked which might be uncomfortable for some

stardust crusaders ova

this gets its own subsection due to being so different that i was having to say "this doesnt apply to the ova" for a lot of the warnings. unlike the main sdc section, since this ova is extremely pared down, there wont be skippable warnings. also note that this is in "manga order", so its 2000 ova then 1993 ova

the english voice actor for avdol (a black/egyptian character) is a white guy doing a vaguely "ethnic" accent

the non-consensual kissing thing above, here its with a girl jotaros age though

infection

suffocation

ritual sacrifice (used as the intro animation for the 1993 portion)

drowning

part 4: diamond is unbreakable

rape, pedophilia, and kidnapping mentions

physical abuse

electrocution

blackmail

yandere trope -emotional abuse -isolation -stalking -kidnapping

restricted eating

skin picking

(anime only) jumpscare

invasion of privacy (skip this part if this bothers you because one of the main allies power is just, doing this, and its constant)

"child acting like a pervert" trope

bodysnatching/"person gets replaced" trope

theres an uncomfortable scene where a child gets attacked in the bath (non-sexually). both the child and the attacker are naked for the duration of the scene

part 5: vento aureo/golden wind

gang violence/the mafia (main crux of the plot)

bullying

(anime only) racism toward japanese people

reckless driving

torture

rape (not shown just heavily implied)

terminal illness/infection/disease

(anime only) pedophilia

forced childbirth (its like, magical childbirth and the mother doesnt register it)

possibly offensive depiction of systems (systems, feel free to correct me on this)

medical malpractice

a guy gets swapped into a girls body and gropes it

part 6: stone ocean

(anime only) heavy use of chromatic aberration, which may be eye straining for some

this part is really horny, comparatively speaking. this isnt really a bad thing but depending on your level of comfort with that you may want to skip

(manga only) misgendering a trans man

hallucinations

memory loss

abuse of religious authority

(manga only, only in some translations) homophobic slur

grooming

gang violence

"disposable sex worker" trope

creepy stalker-ish behavior (the person who does it becomes a main ally & never stops or eases up)

cult

drowning

electrocution

unintentional incest

the kkk (in the anime its a generic racist mob) -lynching

part 7: steel ball run

possibly offensive depiction of native americans (feel free to correct me if youre native)

a 14 year old girl: -is a child bride and im pretty sure this isnt condemned at all -gets hit on by adults -experiences a rape attempt? -gets pregnant?

the entire plot is about curing a disability

medical malpractice

capital punishment

(only in some translations) r slur variant

homophobic slur

attempted pedophilia/rape?

"bisexual sex pest" trope (grown woman making advances toward a minor/trying to rape her)?

part 8: jojolion

ableism?

rape?

part 9: the jojolands

"unsettling gender reveal" trope

pedophilia

#cant catch me gay thoughts #jojos bizarre adventure #jojo's bizarre adventure #jjba #please dont be annoying on this post. please. begging on my knees.#to clarify: question marks are put on chapters i havent gotten to yet #all of them come from other people telling me its true so i take them at their word and assume it is

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the-disaster-in-waiting · 1 year ago

Text

The Seamstress & The Baker (Part II) (Peeta Mellark X Reader)

(Y/N) watched the screen standing beside the incredibly bewildered Katniss from Peeta's interview. Using the excuse of needing to check over Katniss’ dress had allowed her to ease her all the way to the front with them smiling at Peeta before he was shooed away for his interview. She turned to Katniss trying to calm her down from the anger shown on her face.

“Katniss please take a deep breath, Peeta is just trying to survive like you please” She put one hand gently onto Katniss’ shoulder calming her until Peeta showed his face, shoving away the kind gesture she marched over to Peeta throwing hum against a wall her arm used to choke him.

“What the hell was that?, you don’t talk to me, and then you say you have a crush on me?” Katniss was dangerously close to his face (Y/N) thought she might bite his head off. Running over she put an arm between the two.

“Katniss Calm Down” (Y/N) hadn’t noticed Haymitch, Effie, Portia and Cinna approaching the scene, Haymitch grabbed Katniss and physically removed her from Peeta as Effie and Portia looked over Peeta. Haymitch, Cinna and (Y/N) chidded Katniss on her attack.

“It was startling ok? give Katniss a break, you do not have time to take it back so keep going and use this to your benefit” (Y/N) defended playing both sides thinking Peeta would have at least told someone of the plans.

“And when did Capitol citizens care?” Haymitch spat at the young seamstress.

“Sorry did you not see what just happened I am just trying to help” Cinna stepped in taking over (Y/N)’s piece.

“She has a point we sell this as star crossed lovers doomed due to the circumstances”

“Yeah I can sell that but both of you-’ Haymitch pointed to both tributes who looked down in shame at the scolding ‘-Tell me next time you decide to try and destroy any chances of gaining any sponsors”

“We are Not star crossed lovers, he made me look weak in front of the capitol”

“It’s a tv show, and you know what maybe in your case this'll help soften your edges” Haymitch looked at Peetas downtrodden face tired and not in the mood for more of the tiring conversation, he looked to Portia.

��You go take him, maybe I can get both of you back tomorrow in one piece-’ he looked back to (Y/N) who looked to be trying to leave with Peeta ‘-and what are you doing here?”.

“Manners” Effie chidded embarrassed to be stood in the same room with the man who couldn't keep his mouth polite.

“I am trying to help you may not believe me but I care” Cinna cut her off knowing who she was.

“She's the seamstress for district 12 tributes. She does well, let's not antagonize those helping us” Katniss looked over at her.

“But why are you here?”

“I promised Peeta I would be here” She walked away from the tribute and her team only looking back to finish one last piece of her mind.

“And if there is anyone you want to blame it is me. I gave Peeta the idea” She finished quickly before disappearing up the steps far from where their eyes could catch her.

Peeta laid in his bed awake, unable to sleep. Were all beds in the capitol so soft and comfy? Not riddled with lumps and wood poking into you? The blankets thick and warm? Not barely covering you from the cold?

He tossed and turned unable to shut his mind off from thoughts of his family. Were they missing him? Did they feel shame that none volunteered for him? Or did they all sit around the dinner table happy at one less mouth to feed all laughing over his foolishness and face as he was dragged away to the train?.

Unable to rest Peeta stood again walking around. It wasn't very late yet but then again you couldn’t tell time as well in the Capitol as in District 12. In District 12 the night sky would cover all and no one could hide from the fact it was night but with all the lights that shone 24/7 one would only need to cover their watches and it could still be noon for all they’d care.

It was like magnetism and an auto GPS worked on him pulling him back to where he’d always hid when the dark thoughts fell into him again.

She was almost always here. It seemed almost comical if it weren't so sad. While she sewed her brain would play fantastical stories in her mind. A story where the young girl didn't have to sell herself for the very common privilege to learn. Where each day she wouldn't trudge home feeling less than she’d wished, scared if the money she’d made would keep them in the capitol or not. Would the very privilege of being a seamstress for the games protect her?.

“Hey” Peeta always stood by the door when he’d come down there. Waiting for the verification that she was the only one and all others had abandoned their works.

“Hey yourself loverboy” She smirked, still facing away as he approached more clever taunts on her tongue but unsure if he was able to handle them now.

“How are you after the tongue lashings from Haymitch”

“He told me not to listen to you anymore”

“Oh well I can expect that I do not think he found my company all too appealing” She turned to him quickly as he slumped into that one chair he always would. It was practically tattooed by his body at this point. A chair designated only for the tributes to relax as seamstresses and tailors fitted shoes and gloves.

Sitting across from him in another tribute chair she made herself comfortable before focussing on Peeta's eyes, bloodshot, tired, red eyes she could tell the signs. After all she’d see them in herself each night after working in the sewing rooms.

“Why so glum?”

“Wouldn’t you be? pretty soon I will go in to fight and probably die in some stupid game and all anyone will remember is the boy with a crush on the girl who will probably win” He chuckled like it was a funny little joke and not the life he lived.

“You do not know that Peeta, life is full of surprises. Do not give up before you even try.”

“You know I stopped hanging around Katniss? I couldn’t face her knowing she’ll probably win. I thought it was better to ignore everything and focus on my death” before Peeta could continue (Y/N) cut him off.

“That is your mistake Peeta you are both scared please help each other help yourselves staying alone it will only make things harder when you see her in the game. Do yourself a favor and do what you want and do not regret the time you have” Her words were bitter in their own way almost as if she talked to herself regret lacing her own words.

“Why are you so… You?” Peeta hadn’t met a capitol person like her yet. She always used her words carefully, poised and polite, never using contractions unless necessary.

“I wanted to be a teacher” (Y/N) looked around at her surroundings not at all the classroom she imagined to stand in someday.

“My father. He was an incredible seamstress in the games but last year he… his fingers wouldn't work how they used to so I took over and due to my inexperience they put me in District 12… My father. He made amazing pieces working with many stylists. He was a jewel of District 4”. Her eyes glossed at the memories her home always filled with the noise of a sewing machine on, fabric scraps littering the floor and empty thread spools overflowing in the bins.

“Is he proud of you? For abandoning your dreams and continuing his?”

“I had no choice in my dream. It was this or be sent to live in a district. We would no longer be useful. But I still learn. my age means they let me study when my work is finished”

“Maybe one day if I’m the victor I could come and learn from you see just how good your lessons will be” Peeta smiled at (Y/N) bashfulness at her dream of being a teacher.

“I would like that Peeta”

#peeta mellark x reader #katniss and peeta #team peeta #peeta mellark #katniss everdeen #the hunger games #peeta x reader

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ramona-quinn · 4 months ago

Text

It Takes a Hotel to Raise a Cub

Chapter 3 - Something That Can Help

Plot: Crymini gets her hand patched up, and Charlie discovers a treatment plan that can help her.

Content Warning: Mention of physical/corporal punishment, mention of abuse, trauma, injury, outburst of anger

Once Husk and Angel arrived at the hotel infirmary, the spider set Crymini down on one of the beds.

“Alright, lemme take a look,” Vaggie said.

“Can I fix Crymini’s hand?” Niffty asked eagerly. “Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I?”

“Uh… well, you can hand me the supplies I need.”

“Okay!”

Niffty sped off to grab the first-aid kit while Vaggie carefully removed the glove from Crymini’s paw. The cyclops quickly returned with the first-aid kit in her arms.

Vaggie got to work patching up the hyena’s paw. Crymini sat there in silence. She knew that she was probably going to be in huge trouble for the stunt she pulled, but she didn’t care. She was used to being punished at this point.

“Alright, I fixed it up for you,” Vaggie spoke after bandaging Crymini’s hand. “You’ve gotta quit getting yourself hurt.”

Crymini rolled her eyes as she pulled her hand away.

“Gee, not even a thank you?”

“Want a sticker or a lollipop?” Niffty offered as she held up a box of colorful stickers and Dum-Dum suckers.

“No, how old do you think I am? Five?” Crymini scoffed.

“Okay, more for me! I can use them for my bug traps!”

Niffty ran off while Charlie entered the room.

“Is Crymini going to be alright?” Charlie asked.

“Yeah, she’s gonna be fine. The cut wasn’t deep, and the bleeding stopped,” Vaggie responded.

“Crymini, why’d you sneak off like that?” Angel questioned. “We didn’t know where you were. You could’ve gotten yourself more hurt than you already are!”

“And why would you steal alcohol from the bar?” Husk added sternly. “You know that you’re not old enough to be drinking.”

No response came out of Crymini’s mouth. She stared at the floor as the grown-ups continued lecturing her about the dangers of what she did, about how underage drinking was dangerous, along with sneaking out of the hotel. God, this was bringing the hyena back. She felt uneasy. Her heart began to race. Her body started to tense up. She could feel herself getting angry and overwhelmed. She was sick of being bitched at.

“I get it…” Crymini grumbled.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Husk asked.

“I said I get it!”

“Excuse me, we’re not gonna have you talking to any of us like that.”

“We’re trying to help you get better,” Angel scolded.

“You guys aren’t my parents! Why should I have to fucking listen to any of you, anyway?” Crymini yelled.

The hyena got up from the infirmary bed and then stormed upstairs, not before punching a hole through the wall with her non-injured hand.

Charlie, Vaggie, Angel, and Husk stared at each other, thinking to themselves “What the hell just happened?”

“Maybe I need to go talk to Crymini,” Charlie said as she started to leave, only for Vaggie to stop her.

“Why don’t we just let her cool off?” Vaggie suggested. “You can’t reason with someone when their temper’s at an all-time high.”

“But she looked so upset.”

“I know, we all know. However, sometimes, you just need to let people simmer down for a while.”

“Alright, but I wish I could at least talk to her,” Charlie sighed sadly. “I’ll get Niffty to patch up the wall.”

When Charlie and Vaggie walked out of the room, Husk and Angel were still speechless. They looked at each other again, not sure of how to react or respond to what happened in the last hour.

Meanwhile, Crymini slammed the door behind her once she reached her bedroom. She didn’t feel sorry about what she did. She was tired of getting pushed around like a child. She was tired of these childish redemption exercises. She was tired of everything. However, her stomach began to turn once her mind began to imagine the worst, once again thinking of the possible consequences she might receive after all the trouble she caused. She wouldn’t be surprised if the hotel had corporal punishment as discipline. Crymini then slid down the door and curled up into a ball. Why did she have to make everyone around her so frustrated with her? Why can’t she just go back in time and redo everything? She didn’t choose this life of suffering, but she deserved it. After all, it was her fault for making God angry.

—————————

Charlie was looking through her files in the office, trying to figure out a solution for Crymini. She couldn’t help but mentally replay what happened today, nor figure out why the hyena had been so callous ever since her first day at the hotel. Charlie made a promise to help all the sinners in need, but she nor the hotel has ever dealt with someone so stubborn and defiant. Well, Angel was stubborn and defiant when he first joined the hotel. However, he at least participated in the redemption exercises. Where was the anger coming from, and why was Crymini so mad and reclusive? If only there was a way to help the hyena…

“Honey, Husk and Angel are here,” Vaggie said as she walked in, interrupting Charile’s train of thought. “They want to discuss something.”

“Oh, they do? Sure, they can come in,” Charlie nodded.

Vaggie opened the door, allowing Husk and Angel to step inside the office.

“Hey, guys! I’m glad you could make it,” Charlie greeted as Husk and Angel took their seats. “So, what’s going on?”

“It’s about Crymini,” Angel said.

“You guys have been thinking about her, too?”

“Yeah, Angel and I talked a bit at the bar and wondered what we could do,” Husk said.

“Crymini’s been hurting herself in more ways than one,” Angel added. “She’s… unfortunately, she’s starting to become kinda like me in a way…”

Husk patted Angel’s shoulder sympathetically.

“There’s gotta be a way for Crymini to stop self-destructing…” Charlie rubbed her chin as she heard a knock on the main door downstairs. “Excuse me for a moment, guys.”

Charlie went downstairs and opened the door. She looked down and spotted a bunch of letters scattered across the ground. Knowing Hell, it doesn’t always have great postal service.

“Huh, looks like the mail came,” the princess said as she scanned through the envelopes. She then paused once she saw a light purple one, which was addressed from a therapist named “Dr. Lullabi” from the Sloth Ring. She opened the envelope and noticed a letter, along with a pamphlet inside. She scanned through the letter and found something interesting.

“Hey, whatcha got?” Vaggie asked as she came downstairs.

“I think I found something that can help Crymini.”

—————————

Crymini was scrolling through her phone, looking through her photos of her and Raven and Ash. She then heard a knock on her door.

“Hey, Crymini. Charlie wants you in her office,” Vaggie said from the other side.

Crymini’s stomach dropped. She knew that she was going to be punished for what happened today.

“Tell her I’m not here,” the hyena responded.

“She said it’s important.”

“If it’s another one of those redemption exercises, I’m not interested.”

“It’s not that, it’s a meeting, and Charlie needs you right away.”

Knowing there was no way out of this, Crymini groaned as she got up and walked with Vaggie to Charlie’s office. On the way there, the hyena tried to keep her cool, pretending to still have her I-don’t-care attitude. However, on the inside, she couldn’t help but feel that familiar feeling of anxiety. If only she hadn’t snuck off and isolated herself… if only she hadn’t had such a bad attitude… if only she…

“Hey, we’re here,” Vaggie said as she opened the door.

Crymini stepped inside the office, and her eyes widened when she saw Angel and Husk with Charlie.

“What’s going on? An intervention or something?” Crymini questioned as she took a seat.

“Not an intervention, per se, but it’s a special kind of redemption exercise for you,” Charlie said. “Before we talk about it, we should talk about your behavior here at the hotel. We’ve noticed that you’ve been excluding yourself from the activities provided, and you’ve been down on not only everything but yourself as well.”

Crymini just shrugged and rolled her eyes.

“Have you always felt this way here and on Earth when you were alive?”

Another shrug and eye roll.

“I guess my childhood was shitty… my family was shitty… lots of shame and hitting…” Crymini admitted.

“We’re sorry,” Charlie apologized. “You shouldn’t have been hurt by those who raised you, but your actions have shown how you’ve been possibly coping, and it’s not really healthy for you to live that way. Sneaking out, underage drinking, having a bad attitude…”

“I’m a grown-up like you guys,” Crymini rudely interrupted. “I died when I was nineteen, and I’ve been here for twenty-eight years.”

“But you’re stuck in the age that you died, so you’re still nineteen,” Husk pointed out.

“Oh my God…”

“Anyway, moving on,” Charlie said. “Instead of punishing you, Vaggie and I’ve talked with Husk and Angel and we decided for you to do a special redemption exercise.

Charlie pulled out a pamphlet and handed it to the hyena, who had a befuddled look when she saw the title “Age Regression and You” and the picture of Dr. Lullabi — a pastel-pink turtle demon — on the cover.

“The fuck is this?” Crymini questioned as she read the content inside the pamphlet.

“This is age regression,” Vaggie said. “Age regression is when your mind regresses to a younger mindset, and you’re sometimes taken care of by a caregiver or more.”

“What… what does all of this mean?”

“It means that your headspace can go back to the equivalence of a younger age, such as a kid or a toddler. Some people’s mindsets sometimes go back to as young as infancy. Some regressors — or littles — play with toys, watch cartoons, read children’s books, et cetera.”

Crymini was gobsmacked at that point. Does that mean…?

“Am… am I going to have to act like a baby?!” Crymini glared.

“Well, no, not per se, but this is more of giving yourself a second chance at childhood,” Charlie explained. “To let yourself be reparented, to—“

Crymini ripped the pamphlet in half and became pissed.

“Fuck no! You’re really going to pull the whole ‘act like a baby, get treated like one’ punishment on me, aren’t you?” the hyena yelled.

“Crymini, calm down. It’s not a punishment, we promise,” Angel reassured.

“Angel’s right. Age regression’s not a disciplinary action for what you did, but rather a treatment plan to help you cope and regulate your emotions better,” Charlie added. “You don’t have to regress to infancy or a toddler’s headspace. It’s your regression.”

Crymini groaned as she buried her face in her hands.

“And to add, Angel and Husk have agreed to be your caregivers,” Vaggie stated.

“What? Them? The drunk bartender and the porn star caring for me like I’m a kid all over again?” Crymini scoffed. “Why can’t you and the princess do it since it was your idea?”

“As much as Vaggie and I would love to care for you and your little self, we’re busy with the hotel and running the redemption exercises with the rest of the residents here,” Charlie said.

“Plus, Husk and I’ve had our fair share of struggling with unhealthy coping mechanisms,” Angel informed the hyena.

“We’re still helping each other out, and we’re gonna do the same for you,” Husk said.

Crymini rolled her eyes and slouched in her chair, hiding her face in the hood part of her hoodie. She really can’t fucking believe this. She’s really going to have to go through with being watched over like a fucking kid. She’s really going to have to be a baby… she’s going to probably have to relive her childhood… she felt fucking sick.

#age regression #sfw agere #agere #age regressor #sfw age regression #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel husk #hazbin hotel crymini #hazbin hotel angel dust #fanfiction #hazbin hotel fanfic #hazbin hotel fanfiction #hazbin hotel agere

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egg-emperor · 7 months ago

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It's true . In my experience most callout posts are made by bullies who want to utterly anhilate their victims and render them pariahs, modern day lepers that nobody wants to associate with. If the victim makes money via online commissions they are especially fucked since their livelihood is essentially destroyed by rumors/lies. After all nobody wants to commission from anyone who [insert nasty allegation here]

The victim becomes an acceptable target and thus the behaviour sometimes escalates into real world consequences such as doxxing the victim and contacting the victims school/employer to get them fired or expelled.

Yeah it's true a massive amount of callout style posts are disingenuous and deliberately malicious instead of intending to be helpful. Like 99%. Leaving out important info, twisting things to suit their narrative, making stuff up, or airing things that didn't need to be everyone's public business. So often it's really over not knowing how to privately communicate, or wanting it to go public to turn everyone else against them too and an excuse to bash publicly. This is most obvious when they keep building up more reasons to convince everyone to side with them, going from accusations of something petty and mild to serious crimes. Very slimy

There's also many cases where they'll pretend it's really a care and concern for people they might interact with and their actions when really it's all personal. They have a grudge and hate that person and will do anything to get others to hate and attack, ostracize, shame, and isolate them too. Sometimes over petty stuff like wanting everyone to dismiss everything they have to say or provide in a fandom or something, they think they can immediately "win" by saying "don't listen to them, they're *insert buzzword being used in a situation so far removed from its original context here* !!!!"

Which is so crazy and so scary that it's so normalized. It disgusts me that people will make such serious accusations against people all for selfish, disingenuous, malicious reasons where they don't even really apply. The way people are so quick to easily believe everything they're told even without an ounce of solid proof is just as concerning too. The former have a secret agenda to cause that person pain instead of helping others by "warning" about them, and the latter are either so blindly naive or also have a bias that makes them want to believe there's a "valid" reason to hate them. And they all like how they can feel superior and virtue signal

It's upsetting to see the targeted people's lives get ruined and horrific abuse they can face too. People will gleefully stoop to levels of putting them in harm's way to the point of physical danger irl and destroying their livelihood. As a believer of human rights, I don't think anyone should be treated some of the ways I've seen people treat people in hate campaigns, even if they were guilty. Including people that have hurt me directly and are guilty of something awful because of it, they're still human and have rights. I don't believe human rights should ever be revoked, that would set a harmful precedent

So I don't like seeing how people will act like it's a good thing in situations like callouts and act like no wrong can be done against someone, especially when they're innocent. But even if they're not, it discourages growth. Attacking and isolating someone doesn't teach or help them understand if they did something wrong. People can't violently force people to bend to their will, it won't be genuine. They have to give a chance to acknowledge, grow, and change if it really is necessary and beneficial. In fact, giving them a horrible time may just strengthen their current position because people were assholes or put them in genuine danger

I wish callout posts didn't turn into common things people make when they want personal fights and grudges to have an audience that joins them in attacking them, broadcast sensitive private things to everyone to humiliate, and act morally superior to invalidate their existence and virtue signal to others. It's watered down serious subjects and crimes and taken away all possible reliability or usefulness. It so often destroys way more than it helps, especially when so many innocent people are attacked too. They're rarely tools compared to how often they're weapons now and people need to be more careful and considerate before putting blind good faith into them

#asks #rant #drama stuff

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zoeysdamn · 2 years ago

Text

Bark, Bite & Break Bones - Tyler Galpin x Van Helsing!reader | Part.4

Summary: Things seem to go better between you and Tyler, as you both realize how alike you are. Maybe this could get you past the sarcastic weird friendship status? Ajax definitely thinks so. A tragic turn of events during the Poe cup lead to a yelling session, where some harsh words are not regretted.

Warnings: angst, smut (characters are between 17 and 18), swearing, name-calling, physical assault (bullying), attempted drowning, mention of blood, implied removal of teeth

A/N: Let’s be honest, the whole plot of this long-ass chapter (8630 words, what the actual fuck) is to get to the smexy smoochie times. I regret absolutely nothing lmao.

[Masterlist] [Prologue] [Part.1] [Part.2] [Part.3]

Two weeks after the nightly confrontation, Principal Weems called you in her office. For the briefest moment, you thought that someone had talked about what happened in the forest then in the school corridors, but then you remembered that none of them had any interest in doing that. Plus, Kent was a coward, and Divina was not smart enough to take such a risk without compromising herself. So this summons in the middle of your Outcasts history class maybe wasn’t such a big deal? Gathering your belongings you excused yourself to the teacher before making your way out of the classroom. You caught Tyler’s gaze on the way, shrugging lightly at him to say it was probably nothing.

Ever since that attack and the unexpected heart to heart – another one – around a cup of coffee, you and Tyler had grown closer. The flirting and sarcasm was still here of course, you both enjoyed that too much to ever let it down, but there was beginning to have something…more. More glances to the other when no one looked, just to make sure that everything was okay; more attention from you during the therapy sessions, carefully listening to Tyler gradually opening up about how he felt, whether it be anger toward his dad and Laurel, sadness, regrets or no about what he had done, how he felt at Nevermore. You were secretly glad the shameless flirt didn’t change, it helped you keep some distance between the two of you. Because even if you started to actually appreciate Tyler’s company (aside from the fact he was the only company you had at Nevermore), you had to remind yourself that he was still a menace; he was capable of losing his shit and your job was precisely to make sure it won’t happen, no matter how friendly you were to each other.

Tyler was right, you were using sarcasm and flirting to deflect every single one of your problems rather than facing them; this was no different, but you could feel your will falter more and more. Being both considered as monsters being outcasts had gotten you closer than you could have imagined. And it was kind of nice to have someone actually starting to care about you, even if you spent most of the time pushing it away.

Knocking on the office door, you entered after Weem’s invitation to come in.

“You wanted to see me ma’am?” you asked flatly, internally glad there was no school board to welcome you this time.

Twice a month or so, the school board called you to the principal’s office, requiring regular updates on the Hyde situation. Both your bitterness and their habit to be haughty never helped those meetings to have a semblance of civility, and it often ended up in half-hidden threats and snapping.

Larissa Weems nodded – noting the lack of sarcastic greeting you were known for – and invited you to sit on one of the chairs in front of her desk.

“Indeed, Miss Van Helsing. How are things going for you at Nevermore?”

The memory of the students and their baseball balls flashed behind your eyes – as did the lingering ache of the now almost faded bruise on your cheek – but you shrugged, “Not so different from last time,” you simply said. Calling those fuckers out would only bring you more problems.

She nodded in understanding, “What about Mr Galpin? Any progress so far?”

You frowned, “Shouldn’t you be asking Dr.Fern that?”

“I’d like to have your view on this situation.”

For a moment, you were tempted to pour all of your sarcasm to that wonderful occasion to spit on that cocky asshole. But that’s what you would have done a few months ago; now, you weren’t so keen about that, much to your own surprise.

“He’s trying,” you conceded in a softer tone than usual, “he only wants to graduate without much trouble, make amends and then go on his merry way. I truly think he’s genuine with that.”

Principal Weems didn’t hide her surprise and her eyebrows rose high, “Is that the Van Helsing or the student talking here?”

“Does it matter?” you shrugged, “for once I can say something good about a creature I’m hunting, don’t make me look like the villain, Principal Weems.”

She cleared her throat, not gracing you with any other answer on the matter; which meant you were right. “That’s good news then. I assume you’re keeping a close eye on him still?”

You nodded, “Ajax’s helping too. Although the two of them are now more at ease with each other, he’s still on alert.”. It was Weems’ turn to nod this time, then you raised an eyebrow, “Why are you asking, thought? I thought last week’s meeting with the board had reassured you enough.”

It had been a vast joke, that meeting. At your bruise on cheek and knuckles, and the cut above your eyebrow, the board had been suspicious and had asked you for explanation; no doubt looking for every reason to point out one of your faults. Snarky as ever you had casually explained you had tripped on a root and fell during one of your morning runs; before daring them to prove that if they didn’t believe you.

“It’s merely personal curiosity,” she acknowledged flatly, linking her hands over her desk, “now, about why I made you come here: you’re aware that the Poe cup is to take place in a few days, right?”. At the nod of your head, the principal carried on, “Due to some…daring behavior last year, we’ve decided to increase the security during the race.”

“I thought the point of this cup was to have no rules?” you pointed out.

“Indeed, but the security of the students is a sensitive subject as you can imagine,” she said gravely, “some parents are more…concerned about it this year.”

There was no need to explain why; a murderous Hyde and a Van Helsing at the school had to make more than a parent worry. “Yet you keep the Poe cup this year. Why, for the sake of tradition?”

“This is not the subject here,” she brushed off casually, “I’m asking you to give a hand to the race’s security this year.”

A dumbfounded scoffed left your lips, “In what honor would I do that?”

Weems gave you a scowl, “It could help you look less menacing and more willing to redeem yourself, miss Van Helsing. It’s in your best interest to help us here.”

“I don’t want to look less menacing,” you snarled, “I’ve already agreed to help you with Tyler, that should be enough for the judge and the board.”

“You’re not making things easier for you, Y/N.”

“Is that a threat?” you dared, cocking your head to the side. Weems glared at you for a second, but then shook her head.

“It's advice,” she articulated, “and I truly think you should take it before I’m ordering you to do it.”

Huffing in annoyance, you crossed your arms, “Fine, I’ll do your stupid security work. What am I tasked with?”

Hiding her satisfied smile, the principal laid a map of the Nevermore lake on her desk, “You’ll have to patrol around the lake. Last year some other students had joined the race by the outer shores, we want to make sure nothing shady’s going on in those areas.”

“Sounds simple enough,” you nodded, “what about Tyler? Should I bring him with me?”

Weems leaned back in her seat, “Ajax Petropolus isn’t competing this year, he’ll be asked to watch over him in the crowd. Where the school board and I can keep an eye on him.”

“Perfect,” you said sharply, getting up and grabbing your bag, “guess I’ll be free of him for a day, lucky me.”

Weems didn’t add anything as you exited her office. On your way to your next class, you received a text.

Up for a coffee break?

Without thinking, you grinned and typed back an answer.

Look who’s asking me on a date now. Hope this isn’t your attempt to poison me, pretty boy

Haven’t found something stronger than your sarcasm yet. 10 minutes in the quad?

Make it 5 and I might even go easy on you at fencing practice

Come to think of it, maybe you’d miss Tyler if you happened to leave him for a day in the end.

The day of the Poe cup, you were glad to be allowed to dress in your civil clothes and not in the awful Nevermore uniform. Technically, everyone was allowed to, but you had never cherished the classical shirt/jeans combo this much. Arriving on the race grounds with Tyler, you gazed at the gathering teams this year. The elaborate costumes were a sight to see, but it didn’t cover for the hateful looks thrown in your direction as soon as you both arrived at the tents area.

“So you’re telling me you’re letting me in this while you go on a sunday walk? Any chances I can tag along?”

You playfully rolled your eyes at Tyler’s words, “Ajax will be with you, relax.”

“How much do you think I have to bribe him to stone everyone?” he joked and you laughed lightly at that.

On your right side, a group of teenagers exited a tent dressed as grim reapers, their black and white makeup making them look like deadly pandas. Among them, Ajax was there in his normal clothes, trading jokes and encouraging his friends. When they passed next to you, you recognized Xavier and other boys of his dorms; you simply nodded at him when his eyes met yours, before warily glancing at Tyler. The tension between the two of them hadn’t disappeared, but at the very least they seemed civil toward each other. Maybe their shared friendship with Ajax had something to do with it.

“What are they?” you asked the Gorgon as he stayed with Tyler and you, giving one last cheer to his best friend’s team.

“The reapers,” he pointed out proudly, “they drew The City in the Sea this year, something along the lines of Death sitting on a throne or something.”

Glancing at Tyler, he shrugged in indication he had no clue either. Edgar Allan Poe’s poems weren’t something you were experts at.

“Guess it’s my cue,” you mumbled, catching a glimpse of Principal Weems tapping on her watch while watching in your direction, “you boys are going to be fine?”

They both nodded, the awkwardness of their first interactions almost completely gone by now. Crossing past Tyler, you whispered in his ear:

“Text me if the board decides to be a little too friendly with you, those guys are absolute shitheads.”

“Awww, you do care,” he cooed

Rolling your eyes in amusement you shoved him playfully, “Don’t make me regret this, pretty boy.”

As you made your way away from the crowd, the two teenagers gazed at you until you disappeared from their gaze. Noticing the way Tyler’s eyes lingered a little bit longer, Ajax let out a low whistle.

“So, what’s the deal between you two?”

A confused frown took place on Tyler’s face, who turned to his roommate, “What?”

“I mean,” he tried, awkwardly gesturing to where you had previously stood, “there’s a lot of sexual tension here, and you’re like, always flirting but aren’t you supposed to be enemies or something?”

The Hyde shrugged, “Guess so. She’s also ready to bite my head off any moment.”

Instead of proving a point, the argument only seemed to go in Ajax’s direction, “See, exactly what I was saying. You’re bound to fuck, bro.”

Tyler tried to repress a smirk. “Didn’t know my roommate was that much into gossip,” he chuckled, while the both of them tried to find a good spot to watch the race.

“I’m not,” defended the Gorgon, "but Enid is.”

Following the direction Ajax pointed at, Tyler’s eyes switched to where the Ophelia team stood, dressed in sort of zombie brides, torn veils and fancily stained long sleeved white tops – except for Wednesday who sticked out in her black outfit.

“She has a shit ton theories going on about you two,” chimed Ajax, waving at the werewolf when she gave him a smile.

Tyler let out an almost nervous snort, “I’d be curious to hear them.”

The teams started to gather near their respective canoe, meaning the race was about to start soon. As he and Ajax tried to get a good view of the lake, Tyler caught the sight of a familiar face among one of the teams. Dressed as a weird raven, Kent had a shifty gaze, almost looking nervous. The memory it brought back to his mind made Tyler frown slightly.

“Hey,” he called out to Ajax, “do you know anything about what happened two years ago?”

“ ‘bout what?” said the Gorgon mind-asbently, struggling to open the coke can he had brought with him.

“About the accident with Y/N.”

The Gorgon choked on his drink, coughing awkwardly a few times before clearing his throat.

“W-well, I know what everyone else knows, nothing much.”

“It’ll be enough,” insisted Tyler, “so, what happened?”

His roommate scratched his neck nervously, “Well, you see, when Y/N arrived at Nevermore she wasn’t uh– not many people like her y’know? Being a Van Helsing and all that. But to be honest, she didn’t make any fuss or anything really, like, she just laid low and all.”

Tyler frowned slightly, “So what’s the problem?”

Taking a look around them, Ajax lowered his voice, “There was that student, Jeremiah. A vampire guy, from a rich family, old blood and everything. Kind of a jerk, but never did anything that bad, he just played the tough guy.”

For some reason, Tyler doubted that. Still, he let Ajax continue the story.

“Jeremiah and his friends tried to humiliate her, because well, pride I guess, but she never fought back to not get expelled, everyone knew she was ready to tear them apart tho.”

“None of the teachers said anything?”

Ajax shrugged, “There was no evidence technically, just a random student’s feud. Until…”

“Until?”

The beanie boy gulped slowly, “Well- there was a night, everyone was getting to their dorm just before the lights extinction, and then…then we heard a detonation and a scream coming from the quad–”, he took a deep breath before carrying on, “and when coach Vlad arrived well…that wasn’t really a pretty sight from what I’ve heard.”

The mere mention of it sent a cold chill down his spine; Ajax had never seen Jeremiah’s face after the attack clearly, but the rumors had made up for the missing pieces.

“He- he had half of his face burned and…and he missed some teeth from what I’ve heard. Took quite the beat up, him and his buddies, but Jeremiah had it the worst, couldn’t leave the hospital for two whole months.”

Tyler hummed pensively, “Okay, but has it to do with Y/N?”

“Jeremiah’s buddy told everyone what happened before the attack, like how she harassed them because they were vampires and all, and besides, the corner of the quad they were attacked was booby-trapped.”

“Booby trapped?” repeated Tyler with a raise of his eyebrows.

“An artisanal explosive device was put there, just for them,” explained the Gorgon. At his roommate��s still perplexed look, he insisted, “the bomb was concentrated with silver dust and hydrochloric acid according to the investigation, which is the most effective weapon against vampires, it has to be Y/N.”

“Okay but how can everyone be so sure?”

Ajax gave him a surprisingly sympathetic smile – yeah, Tyler cared about you even if he didn’t admit it. “She confessed everything,” he said, making Tyler’s eyes widen even more, “admitted everything the second your dad suspected her, explained how she placed the bomb and lured Jeremiah and the other to the quad. Never confessed ripping out his teeth though.”

“What?” articulated Tyler.

Drowning the last of his soda, Ajax coughed awkwardly again, “Jeremiah lost his canines, no one knows why. Heard that his family got a mage forging an amulet to dissimulate his scarred face, but I don’t think the teeth grew again. But hey,” he added hurriedly, “you can’t tell anyone I told you that okay? Those are kinda confidential information, officially it’s been an accident.”

“What do you mean?” asked Tyler, completely missing out Weem’s speech for the opening of the cup.

Ajax scratched his neck nervously “Well, you see Jeremiah was an important member of the Nightshades and I kinda owe my place to his departure.”

“The Nightshades? What is that, a boy’s band?” snorted Tyler.

“Nah bro, we’re a secret student society, but this stays between us okay?”. The Hyde gave him an amused nod. “His family unenrolled him from Nevermore after that, claiming he needed to be transferred into another hospital. The official announcement of the school mentioned an accident, but the Nightshades got word of the police report thanks to Yoko. Vampires solidarity or something.”

Suddenly, something clicked in Tyler’s mind, “Wait, Yoko’s a nightshade?”

A horn resonated loudly, cheers erupting at the beginning of the race.

“Uh-uh, she and Bianca are kinda leading us now. Why?”

Tyler’s eyes flickered to the canoe, clumsily getting on the lake under their team’s efforts. Neither the blue-eyed siren nor the vampire were anywhere to be seen.

“Do they compete in the race this year?” he hurriedly asked the Gorgon.

“Uh, don’t think so, why?”

Tyler couldn’t answer him. But something suddenly felt very, very wrong.

Strolling on the lake’s surroundings, you were internally grateful for this gateway. You weren’t too fond of big crowds, if avoiding the wheering students was a possibility you were glad to take it.

Scanning the shores with your eyes, you looked out for any suspicious object or presence. Usually you would have been impressed by any attempt of cheating, but given you were there as a security guard today, well guess you were the buzzkill. The echo of a foghorn made you whip around briefly in reflex, the boats starting to hurry on the water.

That’s when it happened.

A bubbling sound erupted from the lake and before you could turn your head in its direction, something sprung from the water, gripping your ankle and tugging harshly at it. The sudden attack made you lose your balance and you crashed on the muddy shore ground with a yelp. Your head hit the ground and dizziness overcame your senses for a few seconds; enough for the unknown gripping strength to tug on your leg, sending a shrill of pain through your muscles as they tried to pull you into the water. Violently kicking your legs, you tried to get yourself free of this grip, swearing loudly with everything you had. The sound of quick footsteps reached your ears, and through your blurry mind you thought that someone had heard you and came to help. Hands grasped your and your head shot up, ready to thank whoever had come. But at the sight of a familiar dark binocular and sour face, all your hopes vanished instantly.

“Yok–”

A hard punch from the vampire sent you on the ground again, falling limply backwards at the border of the water. The same force that had tried to bring you into the lake broke from the surface again, and it was only when it pushed your head under the water you realized it was hands. The cold splash of the water against your face made the dizziness vanish on the spot, instead replaced by the struggling of your lungs trying to breathe. The unforgiving pressure of the grip on your neck didn’t allow you to move the slightest and you started to panic even more. Despite the muddy waters, you recognized the cerulean eyes glaring at you from the depths of the lake. Bianca.

Lungs starting to burn, you trashed your limbs, trying to get out of here the quickest way possible. Plunging your left hand on the water you clumsily scrabbled out to the siren’s face, and as soon as you felt it you dug your nails into her cheek with all of your strength. Bianca let out a wail and the pain thankfully made her let go of your neck; emerging it from the water you took a loud breath, filling your aching lungs. But your relief was short-lived as a hit on your back made you fall inward again, and a new hand pushed your head under the water again.

“What do you think you’re doing, bitch?” seethed Yoko, her hand gripping on your head and maintaining it immersed. When your left arm tried to reach for something again, she pressed one of her knees between your scapulas, eliciting a muffled wail from you as she gripped your rebellious arm. “Don’t fucking move,” she growled and twisted your arm painfully.

Black dots started to fill your vision and it became harder to stay conscious. Water started to fill your lungs no matter how hard you tried to breathe, and the piercing pain on your arm wasn’t bearable anymore. Yoko vampire’s strength bent it so hard, you could feel your articulations almost popping under its pressure.

Then without warning, your head was pulled out of the water again, making you gasp.

“What are you doing?” you heard Yoko scream at the siren.

“The race had begun, someone could see us!” Bianca argued. Their voices sounded so far away from you.

“This is our best chance to make her pay,” assured the vampire, and their argument gave you the opportunity to try to snuggle out. “Where do you think you’re doing?” roared Yoko when she felt you move against her, and in her furious rage she didn’t notice pressing your left arm behind your back even harder. A snap echoed and a blood curdling wail left your mouth.

The echo of your cry resonated through the lake, getting to the intrigued participants on their boats. Hearing the shouts, a few of them turned their heads in your direction. The throbbing pain on your twisted shoulder and arm made your mind dizzy, everything around you happening in slow motion. You vaguely heard a splash – maybe Bianca fled? – and a curse from above you, then the pressure on your back suddenly disappeared. It took you a solid minute to realize both of your attackers were gone, and by the time you managed to recompose your spirits and look up, two of the canoes were now paddling in your direction, concerned and shouting voices calling out for you. At least, to whoever they thought you were, there was no way any Nevermore student would have come to help a Van Helsing. Although you did recognize Enid’s voice among the shouting.

Struggling to get up, you managed to get into a sitting position clumsily and then the hardest part was done. Before any of the boats coasted a surge of adrenaline made you jump on your feet, and without looking back you ran away to the dorms.

Hot tears rolled down your cheeks and you tried to clutch your left arm close to you to tune down the throbbing pain. Shouts echoed behind you but thankfully no one seemed to follow you. Leaving the Poe cup into a confused mess, you didn’t even think about the consequences. For now, all you needed was to run, and lay low. This was what a wounded animal usually did when they weren’t feeling safe anywhere; and you should know, because it was everything you were at that moment. So you ran.

Less than twenty minutes later, after finally reaching your dorm, you had slammed the door of your room in anger. Good news was, no one seemed to have noticed your absence – or no action had been taken yet, either way you were glad of it.

Hunched over on your desk you swore between gritted teeth, trying to reach the back of your shirt with your trembling right hand. The faintest move made a shot of pain rise immediately within all your left side, striking you like hot iron and making you swallow the pathetic whimpers that had dared to try to escape your throat. Internally you cringed for the hundredth time at your own stupidity; how could have you been so dumb and let yourself be cornered like that? God, you almost wanted to cry in shame.

At the price of an incommensurable effort and weird contortions, you finally managed to tug your shirt over your head while carefully trying not to move your limp left arm and shoulder; the gesture still wrenched a muffled cry of pain out of you. Slumping on your desk, you let out a ragged breath with the ruined shirt in hand, exhausted by the mere action of pulling it out.

A knock on the door suddenly echoed in your room, immediately bringing a snarl on your already wincing face, “Go the fuck away!” you shouted to the unknown intruder, but your voice came out more like a rasp than anything menacing.

Indeed, the threat fell out empty because the door swung open anyway, revealing a panicked Tyler. He looked absolutely feral with panicked concern, his hair slightly disheveled and ragged breathing like he had run. He still looked in better shape than you did though, even if it wasn’t hard right now. With your left arm limp and the bruises scattering around your upper body to your hips, added to the scratch marks and mud the ground left on your right cheek, disheveled hair and fresh cuts all over your hands, you looked like you just had crawled yourself out of Hell. Maybe it would have been more pleasant.

You didn’t even mind Tyler’s eyes checking you out for any injuries as you were only in your bra and dirty jeans – frankly you were too tired to care.

“Wh’t ‘re you doing h’re?” you mumbled, trying to push down the throbbing pain coursing through your body.

“Checking on you,” he answered, closing the door behind him before rushing to your side, “fuck what happened out there, you disappeared and Enid told us something happened, are you alright?”

A hand came to hold your arm but you hissed in pain as soon as he touched it and slapped his hand away.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” you barked, and despite you best judgement you cowered away by reflex.

Tyler’s eyes widened, taken aback by the wounded animal behavior that definitely wasn’t yours. He took a step back, raising both of his hands in a peaceful gesture, “I’m not going to hurt you I promise,” he uttered softly; he caught your shifty gaze and the way you cradled your left arm close to you, “your arm?” he asked slowly.

You held his gaze for a few seconds, eyes burning with anger and tortuous ache that poisoned your limbs. Swallowing down another threat, you finally nodded reluctantly. “Shoulder,” you muttered in defeat, “it’s dislocated.”

Tyler almost choked on his own air, as the realization of how violent the fight must have been for you to end up in such a state sinked in him; before he could add something, you gestured him to help you with your good hand.

“Help me up,” you breathed out weakly, and he rushed to support you without a word. Clumsily maneuvering the two of you to your bathroom, you tugged off him in front of the door.

“Where’s your first aid kit?” he asked, eyes searching inside of the small room while you stood at the entrance. He didn’t notice you positioning yourself so that your bad shoulder faced the wall.

“Won’t need it,” you grumbled and gripped the door frame for support.

Tyler turned around to protest but he barely had time to open his mouth in horror with the realization of what happened; taking a deep breath you slammed your shoulder against the wall in one sharp, strong hit. A loud ‘plop’ echoed as your dislocated shoulder fell in place again and a strangled cry of pain escaped your lips, fingers gripping hard on the door frame.

You let out a low moan. “Motherfucker,” you swore under your breath, rotating your shoulder articulations slowly, feeling it coming to life again. The ache still stung like a bitch, but at least it would wear off within the next few minutes.

Tyler still looked slightly terrified by what just happened, “How- are you okay?” he urged, finally reconnecting to reality.

“I’ll be fine,” you groaned.

Brushing past him you grabbed a towel, wetting it before swiping it over your face to remove the mud and blood. At least nothing on your face seemed to be broken, but the marks would remain for at least a week.

“Are you sure?” pressed Tyler from behind, and you huffed in annoyance, anger boiling in your veins once more.

“Yes I’m sure! For fuck’s sake Tyler I had worse I can take care of myself, I don’t need your fucking pity!”

The anger lash out took him off-guard, and a flash of hurt even passed in his eyes. You hadn’t snapped at him like that for a long time, it was like you were back to the first time you both met. But since then things had gone better, smoother between the two of you – even with the occasional flirting and sarcastic comments. The sudden hatred directed toward him hurt Tyler.

“I just want to help you,” he tried to explain calmly but you wouldn’t hear any of it and pushed him out of your bathroom forcefully.

“I don’t want your bloody help, fuck! How many times do I have to tell you this?” you yelled at him, tears stinging the corners of your eyes.

This time he scoffed and his eyes turned dark, “What? he sneered, “because I’m a monster? And I thought we were past this, sweetheart.”

“Get. The fuck. Out,” you snarled, trembling with anger. He didn’t listen to you.

“Y/N Van Helsing needs no one, that’s true,” he taunted with a provocative smirk, approaching closer to you in the exact opposite of what you had asked him, “she’s all big and bad and doesn’t need anyone, right? How does that sound, doll?”

“Don’t,” you warned him between your teeth.

“Funny, I thought all of this flirting would have been to use me. Guess you’re just a slut then, mmh?”

“Watch your fucking tone Tyler.”

It didn’t stop him. Now your back was almost touching the wall, trapped between it and the menacing looming figure of Tyler. He hovered over you, gazing intently with cold eyes; a mix of hurted anger, bitterness and playfulness in them. “You’re just a prideful cold-hearted bitch in the end,” he spat, “always pushing away help because you think you’re so fucking better than us, uh?”

“You know nothing about me,” you snarled bitterly, but he carried on anyway.

“Thinking you can play smart with everyone but cowering that when anyone’s proposing their help,” he mused, “why that doll, uh?”

“BECAUSE I’VE NEVER HAD ANY,” you roared at him, the last string of self-control finally snapping.

For a second, everything fell silent in the room. The tension that had been built up was so close to breaking, but none of you even dared to release the slightest breath, faces mere inches from each other’s. Like who would dare to tear apart the deafening silence and who would break under all of this unforgiving pressure that had been growing and growing for weeks. Tyler’s eyes had widened slightly at your outburst; when they glanced ever so slightly to your parted lips, you lost it.

Grabbing his neck, you crashed his lips against yours, unable to hold it any longer. All the flirting and resulting tension had reached their breaking point as much as your self-control to his cocky comments, pretty face and soft heart.

A groan immediately muffled by your lips escaped his, and the kiss turned into a heated clash of teeth, tongues and asserting dominance. Fuck the Poe cup, fuck Bianca and Yokok, fuck his pity; fuck him. Nothing else mattered but the rough pull of his lips against yours and the feeling of his body pinning you against the wall. Tyler’s hand roamed over your hips, gripping them tightly and pulling you flush against him. It didn’t take long for you to moan against his mouth and your hand got loose in his hair, giving a harsh tug on his curly strands. This elicited a grunt mixed with a laugh from him, as he pulled back from your lips ever so slightly.

“Careful sweetheart,” he teased in a hushed tone, “you’re on thin ice there.”

As an answer, you tugged on his roots again and a low moan of both pleasure and pain erupted from his mouth. Ghosting your lips over the column of his now exposed throat, you playfully licked a long stripe over his jugular, “Make me,” you taunted before sinking your teeth at the base of his throat.

A soft whimper escaped and Tyler’s grip on your hips became even tighter. The rough surface of his calloused hands roamed over your naked back, kneading on every curve and scars. You didn’t stop sucking on the soft skin of his neck when you felt the claps of your bra getting loosened, pressing yourself harder against him instead and gasping softly when you instinctively rolled your hips against his. Burying his face against your neck, Tyler tried to refrain himself from moaning. But when you did that again, pressing your clothed core against his, one of his hands left your lips to grip the side of your face and harshly brought your lips back on his, muffling those pretty sounds. The delicious feeling of the hard swelling in his pants made you grin and you teasingly bit on his lower lip. Looking up at him from beneath your lashes, the sight of his flustered face, the faint blush on his cheeks bringing out his freckles and scars, and the animalistic hungry look in his eyes was the hottest thing you had seen for a long time, you almost moaned on the spot. The feeling of his hips bucking into you in reflex sent a thrill straight to your throbbing core, you could already feel yourself getting wet. Letting go of his abused lip, you captured his mouth into a quick heated kiss before trailing open-mouthed kisses on his jaw, knuckles turning white as your hands gripped his neck and back – which wasn’t so unpleasant to him, judging by the soft groans he let out. He tried to mirror your actions, hands caressing and gripping your bare back, roaming on every inch of skin under them.

At the tracing of his fingertips on the rough and irregular surface on your right scapula, you groaned a little, slightly parting yourself away from him for a split of a second. But the immediate loss of contact elicited a frustrated grunt for Tyler and his hands roughly landed on your ass, bringing you back flush against him, grinding against your clothed heated core. Moaning under his touch, you couldn’t help but grin at the ever growing swell you felt against your thigh as his head was once again buried in your neck; his breath was ragged, febrile with raw desire. Gasping lightly at his grip on your ass, you leaned up to whisper in his ear:

“Who’s a slut now, pretty boy?”

The usual flirty nickname sent a rush of blood straight down his dick; it only made you grin even harder. A dark chuckle escaped his lips and he lifted his head up, lips teasingly brushing against yours.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish, doll,” he grinned lazily, squeezing your butcheeks.

Cocking your head to the side, you mirrored his expression and stuck your tongue out, licking your lips tantalizingly slowly, “Who said I didn’t want to finish you, tiger?”.

A spark of desire flashed behind his blown out pupils at your words as your hand traveled down his chest, nails raking on his skin over the fabric. Then without a warning your hand disappeared between the two of you, and you popped open the button of his jeans eliciting a choked-on low moan from Tyler when you palmed his length through his boxers.

“The question is,” you whispered in his ear, relishing how he shivered under your gripping touch, “can you finish me, lover boy?”

Out of the sudden your hand was ripped off his jeans and your back slammed against the wall, wrists pinned on each side of your head. Tyler’s gaze burned hungrily with desire, your words having pulled off all the restraints out of the window. He looked absolutely feral, and that sent a rush of excitement right down your spine – and to your core.

“Can’t say I didn’t warn you sweetheart,” he chuckled darkly.

You moaned shamelessly, rolling one of your shoulders to make one of the straps of your bra fall over your shoulder. Tyler’s eyes hungrily trailed down and followed as the previously unclipped fabric fell and revealed your naked breast. You couldn’t help but feel your lips stretch into a delighted grin, the previous events of the day long gone in your mind now.

“Big words but no action so far,” you teased him, playfully eyeing his raging boner under his jeans, “need a hand with that?”

Letting go of your wrists one after the other, Tyler chuckled and hooked his fingers on your hoop belts, tugging you flush against him, “I’d rather have you using your mouth, doll.”

Tossing your bra somewhere in the room you gave him a flirtatious smirk, “It’ll depend on how you’ll be using yours, lover boy.”

Tyler flashed you a feral grin before ducking to your chest and captured one of your nipples in his mouth. The sweet kisses of his tongue against your bundle made you sigh, head rolling against the wall. Your unused hands clumsily tried to fiddle with the zipper of his pants but a long moan escaped your throat when he cupped both of your breasts, one thumb circling the unattended nipple teasingly while he busied his tongue twirling around the other. You felt yourself getting even more wet in arousal, the sensation of his lips dancing over your chest being frustratingly pleasant. When you tried to roll your hips again to gain some friction, his hand grabbed them, steadying roughly.

Tyler looked up from your chest, teasingly lapping on one of your erect nipples, “Eager now, doll?”

Glaring at him, you tried to not sound as needy as you were, “Stop teasing.”

With a grin he let go of your breasts and dropped on his knees, trailing kisses down your belly, nipping at the soft skin under your belly button. Helping him with the zipper of your jeans, both of your hands covered his, guiding him when he started to tug your pants down, his thumbs hooked on the side of your panties to pull them down at the same time. Your breath hitched a little when your pants fell on the floor, leaving you completely bare in front of Tyler. The sight of your pussy, so wet with arousal and so his to take was so fucking hot to him, and he felt his dick twitch painfully in his pants. He glanced up playfully at you, and you felt your cheeks heat a little at his silent question.

Are you this wet for me sweetheart?

Without breaking eye contact with you, he helped you pull your pants off completely, raising one of your legs then the other before tossing the piece of fabric away. His left hand stayed on your leg, caressing your inner thigh surprisingly softly before diving in and giving one hard, quick lick on your glistening cunt. A long moan erupted from your throat and your head rolled against the wall, back arching on the brick. It didn’t take more to Tyler to start ravishing your pussy, licking and nipping at it like a starved man.

“Fu-uck!” you moaned hotly, not caring how loud you were, “just there– ah!”

The sudden contact of his tongue around your clit cut the air from your lungs for an instant, before you let another long moan. Hands firmly gripping on your thighs, Tyler smirked to himself, thrusting his tongue deeper to your hot center, juices dripping down his chin. A strong stroke of his tongue made you buck your hips into his mouth, your right hand flying to his hair, grasping for your dear life through ragged breath. Your grip on the back of his head hardened, pushing him closer to your dripping cunt, his nose bumping against your clit and making your eyes flutter in pleasure.

“Don’t anh– don’t stop,” you whimpered in a lust-filled wavering voice, “shit I’m coming, I’m–”

White flashed behind your eyelids as a wave of pleasure crashed within you, setting the blood in your veins on fire as you let out a loud high-pitched cry. The grinding of your hips didn’t slow down, chasing your own release at an erratic pace between greedy whines. Your other hand blindly searched for the door frame on your left, trying to get some grounding through the earth-shattering orgasm Tyler’s restless tongue was blessing you with. The strong grip on your shivering tights prevented your buckling knees from collapsing under you.

With one final strangled cry, the high of your orgasm finally started to wear off, leaving you panting against the wall and legs quivering. But Tyler didn’t seem to be one doing things halfway, and he carried on his ministrations, kitten licks on your abused cunt to help you through the remainder of the orgasm.

Loosening your grip on his head you ran your fingers through his hair as you tried to regain your breath, “Good boy,” you cooed, gently petting his hair, “you did so good, lover boy.”

Tyler chuckled, dropping one last sloppy kiss on your pussy before trailing up, getting up slowly to capture your lips with his. You opened your lips to his, tasting your own juices as his tongue curled around yours. His hand snuck around your hips, keeping you close – and taking the opportunity to playfully squeeze your butcheek. An amused chuckle left your lips, wits returning as your mind became less lust-clouded.

“Not bad, tiger,” you grinned, pressing another peck on his lips. “But you’re still awfully overdressed.”

That made him chuckle too, but before he could sass something back you were already tugging his shirt over his head, throwing it on the pile of your own clothes. Crashing your lips against Tyler’s in another heated kiss, you pushed him backward, maneuvering the two of you in your bed’s direction. Although it was a rather clumsy attempt, because you two became quickly entrapped into another surge of pleasure, your gestures became hurried again and fingers fumbling with Tyler’s pants. When the back of your knees hit your bed, you reluctantly let go of Tyler to lay down on your mattress. The freckled boy used this to shove down his pants, taking his boxer along. His cock sprung free, angry red and leaking with precum hitting against his stomach. Eyeing him shamelessly you bit your lip in appreciation. So there weren’t any more scars under his shirt, but what he got was definitely better.

“Like what you see?” teased Tyler, climbing on the bed, hovering above you.��

“Looks promising, lover boy,” you grinned, fisting the hair at the base of his neck to bring him down to a kiss.

“Condoms?” he asked between lips biting and heated kisses.

“I have an implant,” you breathed out, trying to fight the urge to slam his hips against yours, “you’re clean?”. He nodded and you gave him a roguish smile, “Then what are you waiting for, tiger?”

Tyler grinned and dove on your lips, ravishing them with the same passion he had sweetly tortured your cunt before. The tip of his cock nudged against your entrance, coating your juices. But the impatience and horniness grew stronger and without any warning you locked your legs with Tyler’s and flipped him over. His back crashed into the mattress and his eyes widened for a moment; but then he grinned at your naked figure straddling him, hovering him in a sensual vision.

“Well, here we go again sweetheart,” he mused, “I’m starting to think you like to be on top of me.”

Sliding a hand between your bodies you gripped his hard cock, giving it a playful yet harsh enough stroke to elicit a pained moan from him, “Don’t worry lover boy, you’ll like me on top of you too,” you purred in his ear.

Lining yourself with his length you latched his lips between yours in a bruising kiss before lowering yourself on him, moaning loudly against his mouth at the delicious stretch. Tyler’s hand gripped your hips tightly, knuckles turning white as he threw his head back in pleasure, eyelids half closed. The feeling of your wet pussy sucking him made his eyes roll at the back of his head, a deep guttural moan breaking from his lips. Pressing your chest against his you spread your legs further, taking him even deeper until his pubic bone hit your clit, making you swore hotly in his ear.

“Fuck,” you whispered feverishly while gripping his shoulder, “you’re so big, filling me so well lover boy.”

The praise made his cock twitch inside of you, and a low rumble echoed from his chest before he bucked his hips up, tearing up a high pitched whimper from you. That made the both of you snap. Circling your hips, you started to ride him at an unforgiving pace, clenching your walls around Tyler’s dick and moaning shamelessly in his ear. Under you Tyler was a trembling mess, bucking his hips upward to meet yours, his low moans vibrating and sending shivers to your nipples pressed his chest. His cock pressed deep inside you on that sweet spot that made you see stars and you let out a muffled cry in ecstasy.

Tyler grinned between pants, “Getting enough of my cock now, sweetheart? Riding as if your life depends on it like the slut you are.”

A merciless grind of your hips made him choke on his words. The hand that had been resting on the back of his neck slid on his throat and you squeezed, angling up his face to you. The pressure on his windpipe was enough to make his breath short, but not enough to be dangerous; the edging and power play sent a rush of blood directly to his dick and a pornographic moan left his lips. This, combined with his the utterly fucked up expression draped over his face, bruised lips parted and cheeks flushed, sent a shiver down your spine and you felt getting even wetter than you already possibly were, milking Tyler’s cock messily.

A sharp buck of his hips slightly changed the angle and his length hit deep, sending a hot wave of pleasure in you again. Grounding your knees on the mattress you started to bounce on his cock, not even recognizing your own voice anymore in the mix of moans and groans filling the room. The hand around Tyler’s throat squeezed even harder, just as your pussy walls clenched around his throbbing length, feeling the familiar heat building in the pit of your stomach.

“I’m close,” you moaned loudly, not caring if anyone heard, “I’m so fucking close, Tyler–”

“Come on doll,” he rasped seductively in your ear, “come all over my cock, give me that pretty pussy of yours.”

Whimpering almost pathetically, you continued bouncing on his abused length, chasing after your release erratically. Tyler slid his thumb between your bodies, finding your clit and flicking it. Seconds later, you were bucking your hips on his cock brutally, milking it as your second orgasm crashed through you. Tyler held you close as you rode through your orgasm, kneading on your flesh – no doubt leaving marks. A soft cry broke through your lips, hips stilling for a second before bucking lazily against his still hard length.

Two firm hands gripped your back and you suddenly found yourself flipped over again, hitting the mattress with force. Hand still around his throat you gazed at Tyler through your lashes, heavy with lusted haze. With a sharp thrust of his hip he entered back into you, eliciting a raw moan from you.

“I’m not finished with you yet, doll,” he grinned teasingly before starting to buck against you, thrusting harshly without mercy.

Your head rolled on the side over your pillow, surrendering to the hot burning pleasure of Tyler’s pounding on your aching core. Letting go of his throat, your hand slid over his jaw, caressing his scared cheek with your thumb and making him look at you. His brown eyes gazed into your glossy lust-filled ones, taking in your panting and blissful expression like it was the most beautiful art composition in the world. Your thumb rolled over his lower lip, and he couldn’t help but nipping playfully at it.

Throwing one of your legs across his hip, you dug your heel on his back, bringing him closer to him to help him get his own release, no matter how hard he was already pounding into you. Hiding his face in your neck, Tyler’s ragged breath mixed with moans and his cock twitched painfully inside you, feeling himself getting close to cumming. Feeling it too, you arched your back, pressing yourself even closer against his hard body.

“That’s it, give it to me,” you chanted, “fill me with your cum, tiger.”

A low groan escaped his lips, muffled against your neck and his hips gave a couple of harsh thrusts before releasing himself in you. Moaning hotly in your ear he spilled in your cunt, hot ropes of cum filling you as you held him close, legs crossed behind his thighs. Cradling his sweaty body against yours, you felt him give a few more lazy thrusts, before half collapsing on top of you.

Ragged breath and softly tuned down whimpers filled the room, the contact of your naked skins on each other helping you match the other’s calming heartbeat. After a solid minute of silence, you slightly rolled on the side, gesturing to Tyler to get off of you; his body was starting to weigh on your ribcage. Getting the message, he carefully rolled over, making you both hiss slightly when he pulled his softening length out of you.

Falling on your back you let out a long sigh, closing your eyes for a second and draping your arm over them. The pleasing ache in your body slowly mixed with the exhaustion sinking in, and every inch of your body felt heavy like bricks.

Next to you, the mattress dipped awkwardly and Tyler pondered if he should go away right now. A hand clumsily searching for his own blindly answered him, and he looked at you in surprise.

An arm still draped over your eyes, you mumbled, “Stay.”

The very brief second of hesitation vanished out of his mind the moment he saw a single, glossy tear rolling down your cheek.

“Please,” you rasped weakly.

The sight made his heart squeeze painfully. He thought he had seen all the sides of you today, but he had never seen you being this vulnerable. So he slid back next to you, and pulled the duvet over the both of you.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he promised in a whisper, caressing the hand holding his.

For the first time, you were glad you weren’t alone right now.

[Part.5]

A/N: I said what I’ve said, and I’m not taking anything back lmao; yes post Hyde!Tyler had a praising kink and a thing for dirty talk, fight me on this krkrkrkr

Also, did I search for Edgar Allan Poe’s poems to find new teams for the Poe cup? Absolutely. Here how I pictured the teams: Annabel Lee (1849) = about his wife, so I made Ophelia Hall’s girls dress as corpse bride The city in the sea (1831) = about Death sitting on a strange throne, thought that grim reapers outfits could suit former Jesters aka Xavier’s team Evening star (1827) = a makeup with blue foundation and little stars would be SO PRETTY and even if she’s not competing in this chapter I could picturing it fitting Bianca perfectly, so the other girl’s dorm The raven (1845) = self explanatory, the second boys’ dorm dressed as ravens

Thanks everyone for reading, I hope you enjoyed this part ♥ Hope you’re all doing okay, take care of you ♥

Taglist:

@igotanidea @officerrrfriendly @beggingforxavierthorpe @aliciahlewis @stresseyzesty @katiemrty @leightonsteele @black-swan-blog27 @mooniesthings

Usernames unfound by Tumblr:

@spiceyhotsherbet

Plz tell me if I’ve forgotten you in the taglist (or if you wanna join!)

#tyler galpin #tyler galpin x reader #tyler galpin x you #tyler galpin x y/n #tyler galpin fanfic #tyler galpin angst #tyler galpin smut #wednesday #wednesday series #wednesday addams #wednesday netflix #Van Helsing! Reader #no beta we die like men

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del-stars · 5 months ago

Note

People need to understand that just because Regulus ended up betraying Voldemort, that does not excuse his actions and the fact that he was a racist piece of shit. He betrayed Voldemort because Voldemort wasn’t holding up to his end of the bargain. In fact, if anything, Voldemort betrayed Regulus first. Just because Regulus got upset and decided to do his little teenage wizard angst arc does not excuse the fact that he was a racist, f@cist, pure blood supremacist who does not deserve redemption.

this is so funny to me because i am.... not a regulus defense blog? i don't really post often about regulus (outside of my wip, which is an au and thus has nothing to do with anything you've just said). i think there's a anti regulus/jegulus anon who's been blindly sending hate as you clearly haven't scrolled through my blog but as i've been sick in bed for three days now and am thus bored out of my mind, let's write an essay :)

re: regulus being a DE, i quite literally do not disagree with you. regulus, to me, is at his most compelling when we consider all aspects of his canon storyline, including the fact that he worshipped voldemort. i find it really bland when he gets given sirius' storyline or is reduced to "my parents forced me to do this" because we know (again, canonically) that they didn't. it's interesting to have a character who made mistakes, and (considering my self-proclaimed bias in favor of all things sirius black) it's really just boring to remove all nuance from his and sirius' stories to just make them essentially identical.

in regard to voldemort betraying regulus first, i'm actually laughing because i have a big rant about this that i saved in my drafts last night wherein i, once again, do not disagree with you. the tl;dr of that was regulus probably felt betrayed upon discovering that voldemort was a half-blood (looove to imagine this was what he meant by 'your secret') who had disrespected what he considered his personal property. regulus, who had been forced to be #2 his entire life, was operating under someone he considered fundamentally less than, which he deemed unacceptable. again, we will literally never know the truth on this, because we're given such little detail in canon, so people can go whichever way they want.

but, in his defense, he was sixteen. apologies to all my sixteen year old followers, but your brain is quite literally not formed. you're in no place to make informed decisions about anything. and, if you've lived an incredibly sheltered life in which you've constantly seen someone physically abused and belittled, and then you're told "as long as you don't act like him, you won't end up like that," you're probably ripe for manipulation and radicalisation. regulus was heralded as the perfect son for being in slytherin and being a pureblood supremacist, and he knew the danger of disobeying his parents. so, yeah, he probably took it a little too far.

does this mean regulus was right in what he did? well, no. did he do the right thing in the end? maybe/kinda. did he die a misguided, sheltered child, and thus we have no real perception of the choices he would've made were he an informed human being? yes.

i think calling him a racist/f@cist is a very.... interesting choice, but i'll save that essay for another day. i don't think those terms are things we should be throwing around in fandom.

to conclude, i offer one sage piece of advice: touch grass. take an internet break. go for a walk. he isn't real. he's made-up. all of this is. you don't need to interact with it if you don't want to. scroll. block the tag. again, i hold some relatively controversial regulus opinions myself, but i happily scroll on when i see things i don't agree with. policing the marauders fandom is a slippery slope. you can think regulus stans are annoying/incorrect, but you cannot tell them to stop theorising on a character, because that is what this fandom is built on. if we stop encouraging one another to brainstorm about new characters, this fandom is going to become a very boring place to be.

#del's first anon hate!!#AND IT'S NOT EVEN SOMETHING IM PASSIONATE ABOUT!!#now if it were barty crouch jr......#im like... is this a regulus pr campaign #del answers

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the-nexverse · 2 months ago

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Behind the scenes - Trivia Tuesday

(first participation in a CC event yayyy ^º^)

How to participate: Make a post and give a “behind the scenes” look at one of your works. This could be things that got removed or changed, the origins of ideas/details, whatever you like!

so for a very long time i didn't know what to do with Todo Lo Que Sube's ending. i knew the main idea i wanted to do, a crime organization that would try to un-corrupt the government via illegal means like extortion and threats, but after Ryan gets kidnapped and the organization falls appart, i drew a blank. i knew Agnes would search for him (unsuccessfully) for a very long time, then give up and try to do a normal life, but that sounded... pretty lame of an ending. so i made up a character to tie up the final act of the story

to summarize it: it went bad

editor's note: this is turning into a very long post so i'm just gonna add a read more here oops sorryyy

this is Adriel (the ref is old as balls hence the outdated name), Agnes' son. yes, son. the reasoning behind his existence is that Agnes and Ryan were a couple (now they're not) and had sex (now they didn't) (kind of) (it's complicated) and she ended up pregnant. she only learnt about this after Ryan had disappeared, so she went through the entire pregnancy by herself and then when she gave birth, i made up some kind of dumb excuse like "oh the baby just reminds her of Ryan so much" so she gave him in adoption and forgot about him

bottom right image: Agnes with her cesarean section scar. it was also supposed to be like, a traumatic thing for her. after all the pain she went through the pregnancy, she ended up just giving her baby away, so she felt like she lost a part of herself in the process. the scar would be both physical and emotional. this is like, the one single concept i liked about this hypothetical scenario

Adriel gets adopted by a good middle-class christian family and has a lovely childhood, but has always wanted to know who his bio parents are. and turns out he has a knack for finding out things, so he starts studying to become a private detective (i don't even know if that's a thing, it was all in my head). he also gets a fixation with Ryan "Jackal" Drake, the now very popular criminal who suddenly disappeared from the map, making him one of those "unsolved mystery crimes" kinda things. so he starts digging around, going places, asking questions, generally not being very subtle about his entire thing. and since Agnes isn't over Ryan's disappearence despite telling herself she's moved on, she notices someone else is also poking around for clues about him. pretending to be a news reporter, she meets with Adriel (cornering him down in a dark alley, what a great first impression) and after some tense conversations, they decide to work together; Agnes reviving her long dead and buried hopes of finding Ryan and Adriel excited to have someone who has already gathered so much information about the topic. then they would investigate together for a while, they'd get to know each other a bit, Adriel would open up about his origins and Agnes would be like "hang on", check some dates, check some papers, investigate Adriel's past and eventually find out that he's her son. her fucking son. this is a hard hit for her. she can't tell him, of course, but knowing that still leaves her shaken up

so they advance in their Ryan investigation and finally conclude is that he's either dead or completely deteled off the map, as in escaped the country changed his name and started a new life elsewhere (just remembering this is making me cringe), so that chapter is over. and now Agnes and Adriel are together with nothing else to do, but they still hang around. eventually Agnes opens up about their biological relationship, and that Ryan was his father too. this was supposed to make them bond as a family or something, i never developed it much after that

why this got completely erased from existence:

Agnes is aroace, and her experiences during her teenage years (something i didn't have developed when i thought about this whole thing) made her sex repulsed. when she started working for Ryan they tried to have a romantic relationship, but it didn't work for obvious reasons. and unlike in all of her previous relationships, Ryan actually listened to her and understood and accepted her as she was. and that was a key moment of their relationship. the respect and space Ryan gave her when she told her no actually made her develop a fervous loyalty and respect for him. it's one of the main reasons why they are so close in the story, why she would kill and die for him. there's a very intimate mutual respect between the both of them. it's not romantic or sexual, but it's still the strongest bond in the story, and one of the key elements of it too

Agnes and Ryan had sex like, once or twice max, and all of them with protection. if she STILL somehow got pregnant, she would NOT keep the baby. she would ABORT THAT THANG. this is 100% a me issue, i find pregnancy terrifying and i may love torturing my OCs in other situations, but i'm not letting her go through pregnancy and then BIRTH to just either be a mother or give it away. i have my limits (i'm also (grey)aroace). also she would NOT be a good mother, or have ANY motherly relationships with her current personality and diagnoses. it's just not her

this completely ruins Ryan's storyline. so you're telling me he builds this HUGE empire in the shadows with his own blood sweat and tears with the goal of building a better future for the country and eventually the entire world, then something goes wrong and then he just?? dies/abandons everything??? AND he never even learns that he has a child???? that is objectively a bad and insatisfactory resolution to his story. it sucks SO bad. so i changed it

speaking of storylines, this version shifts the main focus of the story from Ryan's mission to Agnes and Adriel's relationship to... what exactly? a family reunion?? a goody-feeling walking-into-the-sunset fix-it ending??? yikes. just yikes. completely derailed the story into something i didn't like and something i didn't know what to do with because i just didn't know where to go with it. no plans for continuating their story, ran right into a dead end. so of course i had to backtrack and choose a different route

oh my god writing all this feels like bursting a giant pimple. i've had all this built up in a super messy tangly way inside my head for so long and never told anyone about it and it feels SO GOOD to finally tidy it up and release it into the wild. really feel like i got something HUGE off my chest lmaoo

@creators-club thanks for the prompt!

#TLQS #Agnes Black #Adriel Miles #Ryan Drake #Trivia Tuesday #pregnancy #blood #writing #original writing #writeblr #writers on tumblr #creative events #Creators Club

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alitgblog · 7 months ago

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s9 vol 4 thoughts: actually head relatively empty this volume thats not a great thing 😬

I guess first off is I completely forgot what the cliffhanger last volume was so I didn't even know what was gonna happen coming into this volume and tbh I played it like four hours ago at the time of me writing this, I still don't remember.

I do remember deciding my MC was conflicted about Chen after his ex and I just need an excuse for my MC to be messy (I've decided to headcanon drama for her and in my head this is justified in her beach hut clips which, btw, I still miss the beach hut 🥲). more importantly, that's why I had her stay in the bed with Henri, and this resulted in basically nothing. like I know he said he was stepping back, but he's still an option so I was just hoping for a bigger fight from him? By the end of the volume it felt more like he was waiting for Chen and Jude to mess up so he could swoop in. Kinda boring, a little bit of a let down bc I did enjoy the love triangles with him and Melissa and Chen a little bit in volume 1 and we never really got more of it.

Okay the breakfast chat with Hamish was cute. His personality is definitely toned down now that he's an LI, but I'm glad they're keeping some of his personality. It does make him a bit more intriguing than the all in for you and only you and can't think about anything else type characters (Chen/Henri/Jude/Lyle)

The game being three games in one was odd to me? I'm probably just being nitpicky but I'm like no the game would've been either a physical challenge with multiple parts including the balloons, or Mr. and Mrs., or a vote from the islanders (which is not a game), but all three?? Nahh. Nevertheless, it did what it had to do.

No actually it didn't do what it had to do, because for some reason the prize was essentially MC getting three quick separate dates? She doesn't even cook in the kitchen with her date? Like if we're gonna do that might as well just make the challenge an individual one and then MC wins the challenge and then the prize is all the guys have to cook her dinner. And if we really need to remove Finn and Hamish then just have them leave the kitchen once the food is made to go have chats with their partners and then the other offer to stay behind and serve MC.

Oh yeah so Shawn is there. That's alright I guess. I kinda dislike having the old islanders show up as guest hosts? I didn't mind Bella and I like Grace but she still seemed out of place being the host for a date? Like we could've removed her. it's just so random and I think it's just because fusebox is hoping we pay gems to find out where our "favorite" islanders are now. And they can't do S1 but they needed a chef so that's how we get Shawn.

like I said, choosing chaos, so she did kiss Henri and I did feel a little bad for Chen because he saw it and dropped everything he was so shocked oops felt a little bad. But she kissed Chen too so... all good?

and here's where I forget the order of things so forgive me if it seems like I'm all over the place

Melissa seems less aggy and that's nice bc i like her and her sprite and i wish she wasnt just another woman fusebox wants us to hate (a la Luna/Sophie/Emel). her sudden return to Henri is absolutely just because we need her to be with SOMEONE and I wish it was fleshed out just a little bit more. like either make it seem more natural that she's gone back to him and show us her like making an effort to apologize (maybe she just asks the girls for advice and MC has a chance to sabotage if actually she wants him for herself). Or alternatively let one of the girls call her out for how she seems like she's just playing the game. Like Henri is her second choice clearly she just needs to keep him close because Hamish has pied her off for Natasha. Not asking for much, this could be like five lines of dialogue and I'd forgive fusebox if this never came up again after.

Kat, Finn, and Kelly wrapping things up very quickly and OFF SCREEN right before the recoupling was odd and rushed. At least Kat is moving on thank god we can move away from this storyline

Oh crap I remember the cliffhanger from last volume now, it was the cheating thing from Kat and Finn. Boring overused trope. At least they walked away from it realizing they won't work together (or at least Kat did, I'm not so sure about Finn). Pls let that be the end of the storyline 🙏🙏

for those of yall on a wlw route, I am wondering if answering Melissa's question about who MC is more interested in between Kelly and Natasha determines only the hideaway option or also closes one of their routes? like I don't think they'll pull a S6 and if you pick Kelly then Natasha gets dumped, but that's only because it seems like they're going the S8 route of they need to stay because Hamish will be with Natasha and Kelly with Finn (the way that Claudia always goes back to Theo and Bea with Liam/Logan).

Hamish wanting to be better for Natasha is cute actually and I think it makes his character better as an LI because it shows he can change and wants to, especially for the right person. And he's loyal to her (or trying to be? it's unclear, considering how they've also had him making moves on Melissa in previous episodes). But if we say he is, then I could see his route opening up more when Natasha rejects him (maybe in Casa? Maybe before, maybe for MC) so you still have that storyline and it's less snakey, they just have to cope with essentially him having MC as second choice (which I also think we could just change make it a Jake S1 sorta storyline: he has to admit he was afraid before and also wanted to be loyal to his partner and give her a chance hoping it stuck but realizing he cant force it.. maybe that was his problem in s6 too going all in with Grace only to get burned when she stayed with Ozzy. And like I think it could work as long as its not happening at the very last recoupling)

It's a good day to be open to flirting with Finn especially after I didn't couple with him playing S5 and then subsequently never again played S5 because it's S5 and so never coupled with Finn. But I do wonder how boring these episodes must be if you're not. I'm a fan of the slow burn though I just need it to make sense!! Him getting stolen by other girls is fine for now but if it's a boys choice recoupling or MC gets to go first and he's still not an option I'll be upset 😤

Finn and Hamish every day look more and more like good routes and that's fully because they're individual routes. Like say what you want about S5, but at least they didn't merge three to four guys' personality into one. (they're all bad in their own ways.) All things considered, as long as we don't continue to merge routes (like I anticipate Henri/Chen/Jude/Lyle are the same from here on out, minus some details in the dialogue), I dont hate the idea of having a few interchangeable guys for the loyal routes and then some other guys added in with unique routes and personalities. I mean ideal scenario is they're all unique, but I guess I could see people saying for example, they like the look of Finn but wish he was more like Henri's route. So this way you get a little choice if you want Henri's route because you can pick between Chen/Jude/Lyle as well.

Kelly picks Finn and I am curious how this is gonna go because he clearly only sees her as a friend and I don't know how Kelly is gonna react. Like are they gonna make her blow up or she's just gonna be passive aggressive or like hold it all in if/when he eventually rejects her? even though she's an old islander, she's kind of a clean slatebc we saw so little of her in S4.

Why mention the hideaway and then cut to a girls chat lol literally just switch the order.

So I had MC and Chen go to the hideaway and I roll my eyes every time that box shows up. And then oh what do you know there's an argument outside do you think we're gonna have to pay gems to hear about the drama we conveniently weren't there for? 😑

not the shower scene again and Finn rejects me noooo my MC is messy on purpose this time

I think there might be no casa this season? just based on the leaks about islander names and also there's no casa in the irl love island all stars so I guess??

Then someone's getting dumped and I can't remember if it was individual islanders or a couple but doesn't matter, we all know who ghe disposable islanders rn are and it's the two guys you didn't pick and Melissa and Kat. I actually don't know which is more likely to leave. Again, could be couples or individual islanders. i could see them doing the bottom two couples and then the safe guys choose a girl to stay and the safe girls choose a guy to stay, if the game wants a specific storyline for either Kat or Melissa, otherwise they're just gonna merge. If for some reason you don't get a choice, I could see them taking away Melissa's partner so she has more of an excuse to drive apart Hamish and Natasha since it seems like that storyline isn't finished (versus Kat and Finn may be done soon). And for similar reason I could see Kat being finished and she gives one last blessing to Finn and Kelly's relationship. Unless they're dragging out her story longer.

in conclusion, I've already committed to playing this season if not for the story, then to see what Stefan looks like, so if you see me liking posts about how this season sucks and someone else didn't finish it don't @ me 😂😂😂

#im gonna be honest i did play this volume half asleep bc work was busy today so maybe my confusion is on me 😅🤣#litg #love island the game #litg s9 #i need a tag for my weekly episode thoughts lmao

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bella-rose29 · 1 year ago

Text

Not Your Lover - Chapter 3

A day late I know I'm sorry my lovelies <3 hopefully this makes up for it ;)

also i couldn't figure out why the name davor fit so well and then i remembered my obsession with before we die (purely because a certain privateer is in it, although actually i got hooked on the show pretty quickly)

Word count: 4k

Warnings: swearing, I don't think there's anything else?

Tag list: @a-candle-maker, @bubybubsters, @el-de-phi, @hauntedenthusiasttragedy, @iambored24601, @itsyoboo-jassy, @karensirkobabes, @kentucky-criedfricken, @little8sun, @mrsklockwood, @mvidaaaa, @nalie-98, @naushtheaspiringauthor, @notoakay, @pietromaximoffsbabe, @simbaaas-stuff

Let me know here if you'd like to be added or removed from the tag list <3

Nikolai was being pushed to his limits.

He'd been working in the shop all day, having clocked off at five bells after a tiring shift, and had come over to the mansion to help out Y/n. He'd hoped they could come up with some sort of peace treaty between them, but when she immediately glared at him the moment she saw him step through the gate, he gave up hope. He was too tired to try today, and just asked what she wanted him to do.

"I need that lot clearing so I can get in the door. Then I can make a start on the inside." She'd pointed him in the direction of a large pile of rubbish, and had left him to it for the last thirty minutes. He'd sorted through the pile, separating the rubbish from the items he thought could be salvaged and reused or sold (which mostly seemed to have come from littering), and was halfway through when she came over.

"You alright?" He didn't want to care, but he was too kind to actually loathe her. She might be a colossal ass to him, and he to her, but he was still Nikolai, and nothing like the people that had raised him.

"What the fuck happened last night?"

"We had dinner with your mother?"

"No, with you kissing me."

"I didn't kiss you though."

"That's not the point. You got close enough to. You made my mother think that we kissed and now she won't shut up about it. You could have made something up."

"Okay, first off, I don't control your mother's actions, so if she's talking about it all the time that's not my fault. Second, I'm scared of her and I thought she might kill me if we didn't do something."

Y/n snorted. "You're scared of my mum?"

"I know where you get your signature glare from, is all I'm saying."

"I do not have a signature glare," she said, glaring at him. He raised an eyebrow. "But still, you could have made up an excuse as to why we couldn't kiss!"

"You could have done the same!"

"Again, not the point! This whole relationship thing was your stupid idea!" Nikolai sighed, trying not to keel over from the physical and mental exhaustion of his day.

"Look. I don't know how to time travel, so there's nothing we can do about it. It happened, let's move on. Besides, I didn't actually kiss you, because I'm also scared of you." Her face lit up at his final statement, and Nikolai realised it was the first time he'd made her smile.

"Good! Don't do it again." Her smiled dropped, and Nikolai gulped. He hoped she didn't know which room was his in the hotel, or he'd likely wake up to her standing over his bed with a knife in the middle of the night.

"Why'd you even want to do this anyway?" he asked, the question only just occurring to him.

"What?"

"I mean, why do you want to do this place up? It's practically irreparable."

She studied him for a moment, unreadable expression on her face. Y/n turned back to what she was doing, and Nikolai huffed, going back to the pile of rubbish.

"It's revenge."

Nikolai startled at her voice, and then at her words. Blinking at her, he frowned. "Revenge? You're putting hours and hours of your life into this place for... for revenge?"

"You're telling me you've never done something like that? Been hurt by someone in the past, who has ruined you, so you play the long game to get back at them and shove your happiness in their face?"

Nikolai wanted to disagree, but his entire time at court he had been undermining his family in order to secure his own position, and had spent years crafting the perfect persona so that in the end he was the one on the throne, not them. Slowly he nodded. "I have, actually."

"So you see my point?"

"Not really. This is very different to what I did."

"Well what did you do?"

"Doesn't matter. It wasn't anything like this." He gestured to the building behind them. "Who are you getting revenge on?"

"None of your business." She turned away again, and Nikolai sensed that he'd come to a road block.

"It's not me, is it?" he joked, hoping to continue the conversation, although what for he wasn't sure.

Her only response was to shake her head, scowl on her face. "Saints, not everything is about you, you do know that don't you?"

"I wasn't... I just... never mind." He gave up trying to be nice for the day, and went back to shovelling litter.

~~~

Dominik was completely infuriating.

What right did he have, asking about her life like that? And what had made her answer him?

She was falling back into her old habits of opening up her heart to people, and it just wouldn't do. She'd started this venture as a way of releasing her anger at what had been happened; now she was working on it with somebody so similar to him it was starting to tear her apart.

They worked in silence until the sun went down, moving back and forth throughout the front garden to clear the remaining weeds and detritus so that the space looked somewhat alright. When the sun had first started setting, Y/n had gone to get food, stomach rumbling. They'd sat and eaten without a word shared between them, the air filled with tension.

She didn't understand Dominik.

One minute he was being classic fuckboy, all charm and smiles to win people over, then he was being a nasty piece of shit making people think the two of them were dating, and then he was being somewhat nice, asking if she was okay. He had been the same, minus the fake relationship part. This was a trap, this plan with Dominik, and it was bringing up the memories Y/n had fought hard to keep down.

When the sun had finally disappeared behind the horizon, Dominik had stiffened, staring off into space. He looked like he was talking to himself, mouth moving and forming silent words, but Y/n couldn't figure out why. He ran a hand through his hair in frustration (and Y/n felt frustrated herself at finding the action attractive), then stood up abruptly, turning towards her.

"I'm going to have to leave, I'm sorry. I need to be up early tomorrow to open up shop. Do you want me to walk you back to yours? Or are you going to stay a bit longer?" He looked like the words were killing him, as though it was difficult for him to make the offer, and Y/n bristled.

"I'll stay, thanks. I'll be fine, the faire's still on, so the lights will help. I always carry multiple blades anyway." The surprise on his face was unmasked, and internally she laughed. Externally she glared.

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow then. Bye." He all but sprinted out onto the street, shoving his hands (that for some reason were always gloved, despite it being the middle of summer) into his coat pockets and hunching his shoulders. Scoffing, Y/n turned back to the last of her pile of weeds, picking them up and moving them to the bin.

"Weirdo," she muttered into the empty garden.

~~~

Nikolai was eternally grateful that Y/n hadn't wanted him to walk her home, because it was highly likely that the demon would have eaten her face off.

He definitely didn't want to explain that to her mother, or any witnesses, so for once he was glad that she hated him. The demon seemed to share her feelings, bristling and growling loudly in Nikolai's head any time it saw her. It really was all the worst parts of him sometimes, taking all the negatives and exacerbating them.

Currently Nikolai was at the docks, sat on one of the piers with his feet dangling off the edge. The demon was sat next to him, hunched over as it watched the water for fish. Every now and then it would spot one, and launched itself into the water, emerging a few moments later with a wriggling victim in its mouth. Nikolai felt more like a father to it now, watching on with something that felt weirdly like pride as the demon caught its own dinner. The last fish it had offered up to Nikolai, dumping it on his lap (which Nikolai had complained profusely about). He'd take it back to the inn, and cook it on the fire. Saved buying food from there when he inevitably got hungry in the night.

He'd been surprised at Y/n actually bringing him food, given how hostile she'd been. He figured she'd leave him to fend for himself for food, but when she'd chucked a takeaway box of breaded fish (fish was the primary source of food in Taya) at him, he had smiled when her back was turned.

Footsteps on wood made him freeze, gaze turning inland. Nikolai felt his demon surface, hiding itself under the decking. The sound grew louder, and a figure emerged from behind a boat. It paused, and the head swivelled towards Nikolai's position on the pier.

"Who's there?" A man. Nikolai made eye contact with the demon through a gap in the planks, trying to come to a decision.

Hungry.

No, absolutely not.

Trust the bastard to want to eat the stranger.

"Just me," he called back, settling on the non-murderous option. he stood, asking the demon to stay where it was.

"And who's that?" The man was walking closer, still not visible in the darkness of the night. The lights needed fixing.

"Dominik. Opus. Who are you?"

"Davor Miskovic. I don't recognise your name."

"Moved here not too long ago. How long have you been here?"

The man - Davor - was only a few feet away now, and Nikolai could pick out a few details, like the black hair and sharp nose that looked like it had been broken multiple times and never set properly.

"Used to live here. Went on holiday for a year. Just got back." He seemed to have difficulty speaking in long sentences, or maybe an aversion to connective words.

"Right."

"You shouldn't be here at night. Lot of danger." Something in his tone made Nikolai think that Davor was the danger, and he felt his demon shift under the pier. It was directly under the place where Davor had stopped, and Nikolai knew that should he need it, his demon would rip through the boards and give him an escape in seconds.

"I'll be fine, but thanks for the concern." Davor's gaze flitted down to Nikolai's hand, and he realised with a start that he was holding the fish. "Dinner," he said, lifting the dead animal. "I should get going, actually. Haven't eaten since lunch." He smiled, and Davor returned it, but with something sickly behind it.

"Sure. Don't let me stop you." He moved to the side, sweeping an arm out as if to show Nikolai the way. Nikolai walked past, urging the demon to follow him underneath, and tried to not look too much like he was running away. Something about Davor had given him the chills, and he wanted to get away. Turning a corner and checking that nobody would see, Nikolai called out quietly to his demon, taking it back in to his body and moving away without missing a beat. It had gone silently, not putting up a fuss, which Nikolai could only assume was down to Davor's unsettling presence. His demon had never gone so willingly, and that creeped Nikolai out more than the stranger himself.

Making his way back to the hotel, he thought he heard stones skitter across the road behind him, but when he subtly checked for signs of anyone following, there was nobody there.

~~~

"What is up with you? You've been jumpy all morning."

Gregor's voice proved his point as it made Nikolai jump.

He'd been on edge since meeting Davor the night before, and his demon had been weirdly silent in his head. Nikolai had thought that he wouldn't miss the endless commentary of the creature sharing his body, but now that it was gone he wanted it back.

"Nothing. Didn't sleep too well, I guess." Not entirely a lie. He'd spent most of the night watching out the window in his room at the inn, certain that he could feel eyes on him.

"Right," Gregor eyed him, concern flitting across his features. "Just... if you need to take a nap then do, yeah? I'd much rather you slept on the job than fucked something up."

"Sure. I'll be fine."

"Is there a reason you wouldn't be fine?"

Nikolai jumped again at Y/n's question, having not seen her come in.

"I see the problem. I need you to come and do a thing, Dominik. You don't mind, do you Gregor?"

"Nope. If it helps him sort his head out I don't mind. You're working extra hours tomorrow, boy."

"Yeah, sure thing, Gregor. Do I need to be worried about what the thing is?" he asked Y/n.

"Nope," Y/n replied, grabbing Nikolai's arm and dragging him out of the shop, waving to Gregor. "I just need you to be a boyfriend."

"...To you, right?"

"What? Yeah, obviously. Idiot. Why would I need you to be somebody else's boyfriend?"

"I don't know. You just said 'a boyfriend', so I wasn't sure!"

They arrived in the main square, the faire still going strong despite only having a couple of days left. The demon stirred, and Nikolai looked around, trying to find the source of its anger. Y/n came to a stop abruptly, causing Nikolai to walk into her back.

"Dick."

"Fuck you."

"Yeah I bet you want to."

"In your dreams, darling."

"I think you mean nightmares," she smiled sweetly, malice in her eyes. Her expression became slightly more guarded as she caught sight of something over his shoulder, and Nikolai choked on air when she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body into his.

"What the fuck?"

"Why are you coughing? Are you gonna die?" She asked the second question with too much joy, face lighting up. Nikolai glared at her.

"Probably not." Her smile fell. "You're- you... What the fuck?"

"You're my boyfriend, so try to not look put off by the fact I'm hugging you, yeah?"

"Why are you hugging me?"

"Because my ex is here and I panicked."

That made Nikolai pause. Y/n had never really talked about that aspect of her life before, preferring to keep to herself (especially around him), and some part of him was interested to know who her ex was. Not because he wanted to figure out if she had a type, or anything, he was just curious.

The demon laughed at him in his head, and he told it to shut up.

"Your... ex."

"Yeah. He's the one I'm getting revenge on."

"Oh."

Why was his brain not working?

He quickly shot down the demon's idea that maybe it was because she was pressed so closely to him he couldn't tell where he ended and she started.

"Just, please don't be an asshole, okay?"

"Sure."

Saints, he wanted his brainpower back.

"Y/n? Long time no see," a voice drawled, and the demon flinched, growling in Nikolai's head.

"Davor, hi."

"He's your ex?" Nikolai whispered into her ear, and she nodded almost imperceptibly. Her smile was more fake than any of the ones she'd ever given Nikolai, and he wondered just exactly what Davor had done.

"Dominik, right?"

"Yeah." Nikolai smiled, not liking the sound of his best friend's name in this man's mouth, and stuck his hand out. Davor shook it, grip strong.

"Wait, you know each other?"

"Met last night. On the pier. He had a fish."

Apparently Davor was still unable to speak long sentences, and Nikolai resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"I thought you went home?" Y/n turned to him, eyes slightly wide.

"I was on my way, I just cut past the docks."

"So why did you have a fish?"

"He said it was for dinner."

"But you ate with me?"

"I always get hungry in the night, one of the many troubles with being me."

He could feel his face warming at the constant questioning, and wanted the ground to swallow him up.

"So how do you two know each other?" Davor asked.

"Dating. We're dating," Y/n said, and for once she sounded... glad? to say the words.

Davor's thick eyebrows rose, and he looked between the two of them. "He's not your usual type, is he? Didn't think you went for the pretty ones."

"There's a lot you don't know about me, Davor."

"And it's nice that you think I'm pretty," Nikolai chipped in, smile on his face. Y/n stifled a snort, and Nikolai's smile widened. Maybe there was hope for something other than hatred between them.

Davor scowled, eyebrows coming down to draw together, and Nikolai felt his demon rise on its haunches. Something wicked came into the man's stare, and while Nikolai generally thought himself quite imposing and unafraid, he wanted to shrink before Y/n's ex.

"I'm not sure I believe it."

"Well it's happening, so I'm not really sure what you want-"

"Kiss."

What was it with people wanting them to kiss? First Y/n's mother, now Davor?

"Dominik?"

"Darling?"

"I think he wants us to kiss," Y/n said, gaze sharp. Nikolai smirked.

"Are you quoting me?"

"I- no, I am not. Shut up and kiss me."

"Properly?" He searched her face, hoping she would know what he meant.

"Properly would be good," Davor said. Nikolai had almost forgotten the man was there. "In your own time."

"Properly is fine, Dominik."

"How many times? Just Nik."

"Properly is fine, Nik."

He leaned in, smirk growing wider at her use of his name. Her arms were still around his neck, and she pulled him further in, going up on her toes as he gently pressed his lips to hers. His hands were on her waist, bringing her in (although not much given how close they already were), and he tilted his head, breaking away for air before kissing her again. His thumbs were rubbing circles into her hips, and her fingers were playing with his hair, running through it softly. He pulled back, bringing one of his hands up to cup her face gently, the other still stroking her side. Her cheeks were flushed, lips slightly more red than before, and her eyes were lidded. Nikolai couldn't help but feel a burst of pride at the sight, and he knew that he looked much the same.

"You were definitely quoting me, darling." Y/n blushed even more.

"Yeah, I was. Not ashamed at all."

Nikolai smiled, then turned his head to look at Davor. On seeing the place where the man had been empty, Nikolai felt his demon draw his attention to one of the stalls, where Davor was standing.

"Oh shit."

"What?" Y/n asked, worry on her face amidst the blush.

"He's talking to your mother."

"What?! Fuck no." All worry disappeared, and she extracted herself from him to stalk towards her mother's stall. Nikolai took an extra moment to collect himself, reeling slightly from the kiss.

It shouldn't have felt as good as it did, but Nikolai couldn't help but find himself wanting to kiss her again.

~~~

Y/n was surprised she could walk straight after kissing him.

It had been over a year since anything of the sort had happened, and Davor had never kissed her like that.

She knew it was dangerous, but she was comparing the two of them, cursing herself for doing so immediately afterwards. No matter what, Dominik wasn't going to be much better for her self-esteem than Davor was, and she couldn't go there.

Even if Nik had kissed her like she was the only girl in the world.

When had she started calling him 'Nik' in her head?

"Y/n! You and Dominik are getting on well, then?" She rolled her eyes as subtly as she could at her mother, plastering a smile on her face.

"Yep. All good."

"Is that why you left him standing like an idiot in the middle of the square after you kissed the living daylights out of him?"

Y/n turned to look, and sure enough Nik was still stood there.

"Uh... no?"

"Oh, he's coming over! Has he met Davor?"

"Yes."

Y/n did roll her eyes at Davor's monosyllabic answer, remembering that he wasn't much of a talker. It had always irritated her, having to do all the talking in the relationship. At least Nik could talk for fucking Ravka.

Stop comparing them, she scolded herself.

An arm appeared around her shoulder, and Y/n had to stop herself from flinching when she realised that it was her fake boyfriend. Looking up at him, she blushed at the state of his hair. Without thinking, she reached a hand up, trying to tame the golden locks. Nik jumped slightly, and Y/n wouldn't have noticed were she not pressed into his side (he'd stroked circles into her side when they'd kissed), and his eyes were wide when he looked at her. Conversation died as she attempted to return his hair to normal, and embarrassed Y/n brought her hand back to her side. Nik was smiling at her, a hint of smugness in his expression, but Y/n couldn't find the energy to hate him for it.

"Well," her mother started. "How's the building work going?" Y/n knew her mother wanted to know purely for the reason of having a reason to stop it, but answered anyway. Davor needed to know.

"It's going really well, actually! Nik and I have cleared the whole front garden, and once the entrance has been secured and stabilised I can make a start on the inside!" She perked up at the knowledge that she was making progress, and that her dream might one day very soon become reality.

"What building work?"

"The mansion, Y/n's doing it up and I offered to help," Nik spoke up, arm coming further around her shoulders, almost protectively.

"It's partly how he got me to go out with him."

"I thought you said he bribed you with paying for the date?"

"That too. I have standards, mother."

Nik chuckled slightly, and Y/n had to force her heart not to lift at the sound.

"You're doing work on the mansion? We talked about that."

"Yes, we did. And I'm doing it anyway." Davor scoffed, and she wanted to punch him and break his nose again.

"It's a terrible idea, and you'll never do it." He walked off, pushing through the crowds and disappearing from sight.

"Was he always that mean?"

"Yes, mother. You just never saw that part."

"Well it's a good job Nik isn't like that, eh?"

"Yeah, very good job." Y/n couldn't help but feel unease at her mother's words. Whatever she was feeling for Dominik had to stop. Davor had seemed nice at first too, all charm and smiles and kind words, and then he'd showed her who he really was, too late for Y/n to do much about it. If Dominik was the same, she'd never forgive herself for falling for the same 'nice guy' act twice. She had to distance herself. "I actually think I might go and work on it now, you know, deadline and all that."

"Oh, alright," her mother said, concern flitting into her voice.

"Do you want me to come and help?" Dominik asked.

She shook her head. "No, I'll be alright. You should probably take a nap, like Gregor said. I'll see you later when you clock off." He looked somewhat crestfallen, but the expression was quickly replaced by a smile. His ability to change face so quickly unnerved her, and further confirmed that she needed to spend as little time with him as possible. Waving goodbye to Dominik and her mother, Y/n headed in the direction of the mansion, desperately trying not to think of the echo of a kiss on her lips.

Chapter 4

#grishaverse #netflix shadow and bone #nikolai lantsov #nikolai lanstov x reader #nikolai x reader #nikolai lanstov x y/n #nikolai x y/n

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chickensarentcheap · 1 year ago

Text

In a Heartbeat: Chapter Two

FANDOM: EXTRACTION

PAIRING: TYLER RAKE AND ESME DRUMMOND (ESTABLISHED OFC)

WARNINGS: angst. Big time angst.

SUMMARY: Dhaka nearly ended everything before it even began. In it’s aftermath and with Tyler’s life teetering on the threshold between life and death, Esme is about to realize just how strong she can be. And that love happens when it happens. There’s no rules. No rhyme or reason. No timeline.

Link to Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48691714/chapters/125445052

Tagging: @tragiclyhip @youflickedtooharddamnit @secretaryunpaid @munstysmind @karimac @kmc1989 @thebewingedjewelcat @ninjasawakenedmystar @residentdormouse @asirensrage @arrthurpendragon @ocappreciationtag @themaradwrites @occommunity @timbradfordsboot

My tag list is OPEN. Please let me know if you'd like to be added :)

******

Chapter Text

“Nik found us a little place,” Esme announces, as she tends to his beard; using a pocket comb to make her way through the wiry hair. “In Austria. Just on the outskirts of Gmunden. It looks really pretty; it’s right on the edge of a lake and it’s surrounded by trees and you can look out at the mountains.”

Reaching for a pair of cuticle scissors that rest on his chest, she chews on her bottom lip as she focuses on snipping the wiry hair. The gray is more noticeable now that his beard is longer and thicker, and she momentarily pauses her work and carefully studies his face and hair; enjoying how the strands of silver sparkle in the sunlight that streams into the room. They’re a sign of wisdom and experience; testaments to life often lived on the edge that take up residence at his temples, the nape of his neck, and throughout the wild top tresses.

“You know…” She uses the comb to sweep his bangs off his forehead and away from his eyes. “…I’m really digging this older guy vibe you’ve got going on. It’s kinda sexy; all the gray hair you’ve sprouted over the past five months. Once you hit fifty? You are going to be one hell of a hot silver fox. I’m going to have to beat the women off with a stick. And probably a few men.”

Returning to the task at hand, she carefully trims the hair above his top lip; mindful of the combination of breathing and feeding tubes that have been keeping him alive and nourished. When it became apparent that she was going to continue to ‘stand off’ against them, the doctors had -albeit reluctantly- switched their course of care; ordering the nurses to teach Esme the basics in case they’re ever short-staffed and other patients need to be of higher priority. She knows their excuses are bullshit; that they’re simply tired of her constant presence and her refusal to spare them the work of looking after someone they’ve already written off as a loss. And she’s also aware that they’re just biding their time until legal paperwork is drawn up and processed; licking their lips in anticipation of when they can serve her with a court order to have him removed from the machines.

Yet their pressure -both passive and actively aggressive- doesn’t sway her. Despite being both physically and mentally exhausted, she is staying the course; digging her heels in even deeper and willingly and readily accepting any ‘task’ they want to assign her.

“I am NOT very good at this,” Esme laments, as she returns to trimming his beard. “I am definitely not cut out to be a hair stylist, that’s for sure. You know what we’re going to do as soon as you’re out of here? Get you to a good barber. Because you’re starting to look homeless and unloved and I don’t need some bleeding heart picking you up off the street like you’re a stray.”

She hums as she works; upbeat show tunes and Beatles medleys that help keep her spirits up. They’ve been waning lately; the darkness she’d successfully fought off for so long now a near-constant presence. In two weeks it will be six months since he was declared ‘clinically dead’ and placed on the respirator. Half a year since she’d last seen him open his eyes and heard his voice; vividly able to recall those last few minutes that they’d spent together in Dhaka. Tucked away in that litter-strewn alley as dawn broke around them, unabashedly crying when he broke the news that he was going to send her off with Saju and Ovi. There was a better chance she’d make it there -and successfully get across the bridge- if they split up; he’d act as a decoy by creating chaos within the heart of town and drawing the enormous police and military presence away from the checkpoints. He’d admitted he wouldn’t be able to focus if she was with him; afraid he’d become so obsessed with her safety and well-being that he’d make simple, stupid mistakes. And in turn, cause BOTH of their demises.

On her part, there’d been anger. Confusion. Heartache. She’d initially lashed out at him and accused him of lying to her over the course of the last five days; none of the softer and adoring words had been true, and neither had been the hopes for a future or their plans to travel together. And when she’d seen the hurt that darkened his eyes and furrowed his brow and tensed his shoulders, she had changed her tactic; begging and pleading with him to change his mind. She’d be able to handle herself. Promising that she’d stick tight to him and wouldn’t be a burden or a distraction; he’d be able to focus on the job at hand. After all, he was the first person that had ever made her feel safe and secure. Protected. And it absolutely terrified her to have that suddenly snatched away.

It had felt like hours had passed since their initial goodbye; still feeling the callouses on his skin as he gently cradled her cheek in his palm, her lips still tingling from that long, shockingly tender kiss. And those words…spoken just before they parted…still echoing in her ears.

“I’ll see you when I see you.”

It was the second time he’d said it. In less than thirty-six hours. Just that very morning he’d unexpectedly dropped it upon; a genuinely tender and hopeful moment as they parted ways at the extraction point. The drive there had been spent in silence; Tyler making the quick and effortless transition from the soft-spoken and attentive man she’d been intimate and shared secrets with to ruthless and calculated mercenary.

Yet it hadn’t frightened her. His mere presence and his smell and the glances and reassuring smiles he’d cast in her direction made sure of that. He may have become ‘all business’, but the other Tyler was just lingering just at the surface; the one that had shared his deepest and darkest confessions with her and who’d cried when talking about his son and his fight with cancer and the horrible decision he’d made prior to his death. And who’d shown every end of the sexual spectrum during their times behind closed doors; rough and aggressive and domineering one moment, slow and tender and worshipping the next.

She had never met anyone like him. In more ways than one.

And it was right before she began her trek through the forest and towards the river when it became abundantly clear that every kiss they’d shared, every secret spilled, every tear they’d shed, had all been real. He had meant the words he’d said; the excitement he’d shown at the idea of travelling together and of even seeing her birthplace and meeting her family. And the optimism he’d shown when talking about the possibility of a future…a REAL future…together.

Although a simple moment, it had seemed so deeply personal and intimate; the way he’d pulled that bulletproof vest over her head and made sure it was tightly and securely fastened. Already so protective; forgetting about her own background in the military and her years spent on the job in his quest and desire to keep her safe and sound. No one had ever made her feel that way before; nurturing and adoring and caring instead of being indifferent or malicious in both their words and their actions.

While Mark and all his cruel words and taunts, beatings and sexual assaults had stripped her of every ounce of trust in men, it had taken Tyler less than a week to restore not only her faith in others, but the most primal of needs and urges. Sex had never been a priority; it’s hard to find yourself THAT attracted to someone when you’d spent years having the most basic and most vile and degrading acts forced upon you. But with Tyler, it had been near instantaneous. An attraction that she’d felt the moment of their introduction in the outback; when one of those enormous, calloused and scarred hands had practically swallowed one of her own. The stories alone should have left her intimidated; the scores of incredibly dangerous missions he’d been involved in and the trails of blood and rotting corpses he left behind.

It was his eyes. Brilliant yet soulful blue; a humanity and a tenderness that he kept buried just under the surface. He wasn’t as broken or as soulless as he perceived himself to be; not truly the empty shell that he saw when he looked at himself in the mirror. He hadn’t turned to stone despite the hardships of the life he’d been living; instead his grief, guilt, and heartache so enormous and overwhelming that they left him numb and jaded to anything beyond his four walls. His addictions were proof that he was still very much alive; a troubled, lonely, touch-starved man that sought out unhealthy ways to ease both his physical and mental suffering.

She’d been privy to those sides he’d long buried. In the same way she had so blindly and wholly trusted him, he had done the same with her. Speaking openly and honestly about his son and the cancer that had not only robbed him of his life, but his father’s comforting and loving presence in those final moments. He spoke about his alcoholism and his addiction to pain meds; how he’d tried to stop on many occasions but found the suffering just too difficult to bear. And he confessed to the death wish he’d been carrying around since he’d abandoned his child; not really wanting a sniper’s bullet to cut him down in the middle of the job, but wholeheartedly believing he deserved it.

While he’d wanted to change and continued to desperately cling to any semblance of life, he didn’t quite know how to tackle his demons or fix the issues that surrounded him. He’d never been taught healthy coping mechanisms; not allowed to mourn the loss of his mother or to even show some glimmer of emotion during her funeral or those long days and nights of grieving that followed. It was a sign of weakness, after all. A real man didn’t react from the heart, let alone speak from it. And his father would simply not allow a ‘fragile and pathetic’ man to live under his roof.

And then one day, after years of beatings and cruelty, that abused and tormented child transformed into a deeply troubled man. Saddled with decades of trauma and toxic masculinity that his father had so viciously beat into him.

“I’ll see you when I see you.”

He’d spoken those words after making sure every piece of velcro on her vest was attached ‘just right’, then grabbed hold of the shoulder straps and pulled her into a kiss. It had been long and languid and heartbreakingly tender; nowhere near as intense and hungry and desperate as those they’d shared over the course of five days, but incredible in its own right. A kiss that held so much promise and a tinge of worry. A potent mixture of hope, optimism, and fear. The best-case scenario would be that the job went according to plan; he’d successfully rescue Ovi and return to the extraction point in less than two hours’ time. Unscathed. After that they’d be free; they’d get to safety, collect their money, and make good on all the plans they’d made. The worst-case scenario was the mission being an epic failure. And their parting words -ones made with the best intentions- would turn out to be a permanent goodbye.

********

It feels like a lifetime ago. Mahajan’s double-crossing, the brutal and untimely deaths of their team members, Saju’s relentless hunt in a desperate bid to save his own family. So many things had gone wrong in such a short period of time; a struggle to survive in litter-strewn alleys and sewers filled with feces, garbage, and rats. They hadn’t had a chance to relax; unable to catch their breath before the next disaster came charging full speed ahead. And it was out of desperation that Tyler had played the one card he still had up his sleeve; someone he’d known for years and had always been able to trust. After all, he’d saved the man’s life on more than one occasion. If that wasn’t deserving of even the tiniest bit of help, what was?

Neither could have known - as they lay in a mess of tangled sheets and naked limbs in the bed of Gaspar’s guest room, that the worst was yet to come. Holding onto a semblance of hope that they’d walked through the fires of hell and somehow lived to tell about it. Believing they’d simply lie low for a couple of days and then be on their way; wait for the pandemonium to settle and then move about somewhat freely and easily.

Only friends are sometimes your worst enemies. Gaspar’s allegiance with Asif and his subsequent betrayal had led to disaster; an attempt to kill Tyler in order to get his hands on her and Ovi and the ten million dollar ‘prize’ that he’d be rewarded with. And in the end, it had been the fifteen-year-old that had pulled the trigger; saving all of their lives yet setting the stage for what would be the most difficult hour of their entire lives.

Crossing the bridge.

It’s still so vivid. The wails of the injured and the dying. The smell of fire, gunpowder and spilt gasoline. The pollution wafting off the filthy water. The blistering sun and the suffocating humidity. The taste of her own sweat as it dripped from her nose and gathered along her top lip. And the blood. So much blood. Covering her hands and staining her clothes. The scent of copper as it hung heavily in the air. And the fear and panic in Tyler’s eyes as he straddled the threshold between life and death. His body impossibly heavy as it lay across her lap; his battered and bloodied hands desperately clutching the front of her shirt as he gasped for breath.

She briefly closes her eyes; pushing back the flood of tears and the painful, traumatic memories. Still unable to think about those moments before help had finally arrived; how minutes had seemed hours as she sat -a filthy, sobbing, terrified mess- with her fingers shoved in the bullet wound in order to staunch his heavy bleeding. Wondering if perhaps her efforts would be all for nothing; Asif’s remaining men making their way to the bridge and discovering them there. Alive Tyler would immediately be killed; they would have made sure she watched as they put a bullet -or several- into his already beaten and broken body. Her fate would have been so much worse; likely kept captive -for days, weeks, even MONTHS- and abused in every possible way. All she would have been able to do was suffer through it; unable to fight back against the strength and the power -and the amount- of her attackers. She’d never been a praying person; she didn’t necessarily believe or not believe when it came to a higher power. But during moments of solitude, she would have begged and pleaded to anyone…anything…to permanently end her torment.

Gathering her composure, she shoves all thoughts of Dhaka aside and returns to the task at hand; slowly and carefully trimming his beard, mindful of the hairs that crowd close to the ventilation and feeding tubes. She misses his face; the one that wasn’t taken over by life-saving measures. It’s been so long since she’s seen it; whether it be that slow, boyish smile or that sly, almost mischievous smirk or the intensity that narrows his eyes and furrows his brow. And his eyes; a brilliant, captivating blue that can quickly transform to dark and stormy. She’d been privy to so many things during those five days in Dhaka; body language and facial expressions and sides to him that he’d never allowed anyone else to see.

And she’s not ready to give any one of them up.

“So about this place. In Austria…” She moves to the bedside table and opens the top drawer; placing the comb and scissors inside and then picking up a pair of nail clippers. “…I think it’s perfect for us. It’s in the middle of nowhere; surrounded by trees and mountains and it’s right on the water. It’s got two bedrooms and one and a half baths and the cutest open-concept living room and kitchen combo. It’s not luxurious by any stretch of the imagination, but it IS comfortable. Quaint. And I don’t think we need much more than that, do you?”

Picking up his right hand, she patiently and gently tends to his nails. “I mean, I know it’s going to be pretty damn cold in the winter. And there’s going to be a lot of snow. But I’m used to it. I grew up in Colorado, remember? I know it’ll be a hard adjustment for an Aussie; you’re used to sun and sand and surf. But I think you’ll do alright. Actually, I KNOW you’ll do alright.”

When the conversation runs dry, she once more returns to humming as she works; finishing the rest of his nails before applying a hospital-provided moisturizer to both hands. Concentrating on the callouses on his palms and the one on the tip of his trigger finger; working the coconut-scened lotion into rough, thickened skin.

“I bet you haven’t been pampered like this in a long time,” she says, as she firmly massages his wrists, fingers, and thumbs. Diligently working at loosening the ligaments and tendons that have tightened over the course of the last six months. “If EVER. And I don’t mean to make it sound like I hate doing this, but buddy, you owe me one hell of a back rub when we finally get the hell out of here.”

It helps. Talking about the ‘when’ instead of the ‘if’. It’s the one thing that has kept her grounded and sane for half of a year; the plans they’d made and her determination to see them through. As long as she holds onto that little bit of hope, she hasn’t lost complete control of the situation; managing to keep death lingering at a comfortable distance while she navigates the grey and the gloom between here and there. If she allows herself to use the word ‘maybe’, she’s written him off; handed him the same death sentence that all the doctors and even Nik and Yaz have burdened him with. She refuses to give up; taking every flinch and flicker of his eyelids and twitch of his fingers or toes as a sign that he’s still fighting.

And nowhere close to surrendering.

She takes care of his hair next; spritzing it down with mandarin-scented detangler before making her way through with both brush and comb. Slipping a hand between him and the bed and gently lifting his head from the pillow; apologizing profusely when she feels as if she’s yanked a little too hard at the knots. And as exhausted as she is, she finds herself somewhat enjoying the tasks that she’s been given; a natural-born caretaker who’d been neglected and touch starved most of her life and in turn, wanted to make sure no one else experienced the same things. A mother hen so to speak; badly longing to protect and nurture another human being but never getting the opportunity to do so.

Until now.

“Pretty shitty circumstances though,” she says aloud, and drops the hair care tools into the top drawer of the nightstand. “I think I’d take the worst possible case of man flu over this any day of the week.”

Guilt immediately sets in. Worried that IF he truly can hear her and understand what’s being said, he’ll assume she feels he’s a burden. That the blame lies solely upon him in terms of her emotional and physical exhaustion and that she’s simply stuck by his side out of a feeling of misplaced servitude. He had saved her life in Dhaka, after all. Surely that must make her feel as if she owes him. That waiting on him hand and foot and perhaps even feeding him and cleaning his ass for the rest of his life is merely payback.

“I don’t really mean that you know.” She’s quick to apologize; using her hip to close the drawer on the nightstand and then leaning against the railing of the bed. And she chews nervously on her bottom lip as two fingertips swipe his bangs off his forehead and away from his eyes. “Not in the way it probably sounded. I don’t mind doing all this stuff. I WANT to do it. And I know you’d probably do the same for me. I just meant that it’s shitty circumstances that got us here. I’m sure you’d rather be anywhere else.”

Removing a tube of chapstick from the pocket of her hoodie, she snaps off the cap and leans over the bed railing. “You’re totally drying out here,” she laments, mindful of the breathing and feeding tube as she glides the bubblegum-flavoured concoction over his top lip, followed by the bottom. “I’m sorry it’s not the strawberry one you got used to in Dhaka. Remember how you always used to mention it? Every time you kissed me? About liking the taste of it? I ran out. And this cherry one was the closest thing I could find to it in the pharmacy here. There…” She uses a fingertip to clear excess from his lips. “…totally kissable now. Not that I wouldn’t kiss you before, but…” Pressing a kiss to each corner of his mouth. “…it makes it a little better.”

Pocketing the balm, she reaches for the lever on the bedrail and sets it into the down position. Gently straightening and smoothing out his blankets, she fluffs both the pillow behind his head and the one that supports his back before taking a seat on the edge of the mattress.

“Tyler…” She takes one of his hands in both her own. “…we need to have a little chat. I know it’s kind of unfair right now; you can’t exactly give an opinion or argue with me. And I promise that once you’re out here and back to normal, I MAY let you get a word in edge-wise from time to time. But for now, there’s some things I need to say. That I’d rather you hear now than never hear them at all, you know? Because…”

Sighing, she anxiously yanks the elastic out of her ponytail; shaking her long, dark tresses for before simply gathering them up and putting them back once again. “Look, you’ve been amazing, okay? You’ve done everything I’ve asked you to do; when it comes to giving me little signs that you’re making your way back to me. And I’m so proud of you; I know you’re tired and you’re healing but you’re still trying to help me out. That’s why it kills me that I have to do this. That I have to ask for more.”

She turns his palm up to face her and commences drawing slow, smooth patterns on it with the tip of her finger. Her eyes riveted on the beside monitor; a smile spreading across her face when his heart rate escalates.

“I keep telling them. That you ALWAYS respond to that. And that you’ve been responding to other things, too. I told them you’ll wiggle your toes or your fingers when I ask and how sometimes your eyelashes will flutter and other times you try and put your hand on top of mine. They don’t believe me; they think it’s all in my head. They keep saying that you’d do for them and the nurses if it was intentional. And you know what I said? I said ‘maybe he just doesn’t give a shit about any of you’.”

Sighing, she reaches up to tuck wayward strands of hair behind her ears.

“Tyler, I know I’ve asked a lot. And that you’ve worked really hard to give me what I asked. I know you’re tired; you’re trying to build up your strength so you can wake up and get the hell out of here. But we’re running out of time, babe. I told them I’d shut things off at the start of the sixth month; that’s only a couple of weeks away. I don’t want to do it, believe me. I want to keep you on these machines for as long as I can; until you’re a hundred percent ready to come off them. But if I don’t do what I promised, they’re going to take me to court. And they’ll get an order to override me and do what they want. I don’t want it coming to that. You deserve so much better than THAT. So this is where I need your help. AGAIN. I need you to do more, okay? I need a bigger sign. One that the doctors can’t brush off. I need something that says you’re almost ready; you’re stronger and you’re healthier and you’re almost at the finish line. I don’t want to say that I’m desperate, but I am. I really need this. I really need YOU. Because I’m starting to get really scared and you’re the only person that’s ever made me feel safe and protected and…” She valiantly struggles to hold back a flood of tears. “…and I never knew I even needed to feel those things. So please? Just do something. Anything. That shows them they’re wrong. Please.”

She waits for a sign. Another increase in heart rate. A flicker of his eyes. The wiggle of fingers and toes. And she’s crestfallen when nothing happens.

“You’re probably sleeping,” she laments, then slaps a hand against her forehead. “God I am so fucking stupid. Of COURSE you’re sleeping. You’re in a coma for Christ’s sake. I’m starting to lose it. I really am. I’m even talking to myself lately. Out loud. You can’t tell me THAT’S normal. And there’s one more thing…” She laces her fingers through his. “Now is going to be harder than I thought. To say what I need to. I don��t even know what I’m so scared of; it’s not you’re awake and you can laugh at me or act disgusted or just totally shoot me down. But I need to get it off my chest. Because if something does go wrong and something bad DOES happen, I’d never forgive myself for not telling you. So here it goes…”

Sighing heavily, she steels herself.

“I love you, Tyler. And I know what you’re probably thinking; about how it’s way too soon and that there’s no way you can love someone so quickly. Believe me, I never thought it was possible either. Until it happened. I don’t expect you to feel the same way; it’s not like you’ve spent the last five months like I have. Dhaka probably seems like just yesterday in your mind. I don’t expect you to wake up and say it back; not unless you FEEL it. And maybe you never will. I don’t know. Maybe those five days were as good as things were going to get. But I HAD to tell you. And to be honest, I needed to admit it to myself, too.”

For several minutes she sits in silence; tightly clasping his hand and watching his face for any change. The curl of a lip or the flutter of eyelashes or the swell of a cheek with an attempt of a smile. He’d been showing remarkable progress within the last few days alone; voluntary movements of his hands and feet and a slight grimace of pain when the night nurse had to change IV sites. But today he’s motionless; not even the smallest of flinches. Peacefully at rest; his beard and nails trimmed, his hair combed, and his skin warm to the touch.

“I’m going to go and do my stuff,” she says, and lifts his hand to her face; pressing a kiss to each battered knuckle and at the base of his wrist. “Do some yoga, take a shower, go down the hall to the kitchen and get something to eat. So I’m gonna just let you rest and…”

The moment she slips off the edge of the bed, his hand tightens around hers. Not with the strength of a man who’d been declared clinically dead and was relying on machines to keep him alive, but the strength of someone still very much alive. And fighting like hell.

“I knew it.” She allows the tears to come; cradling his cheek in her palm as she leans over the bed and rests her forehead against his. “I KNEW it.”

*****

Although running behind, she sticks to her morning schedule; simple ‘luxuries’ that she’s clung to to keep what’s remaining of her sanity. A lengthy and rejuvenating yoga routine that helps centre and ground; the furniture moved aside in the sitting area of Tyler’s private room to make space for herself and her mat. A long shower in one of the many ‘for family use only’ bathrooms; the pounding water working out the kinks in her neck and soothing the aches in her back and hips. Finished off with that first tea of the day and a quick and quiet breakfast. Steaming hot perfection combined with a bowl of yogurt, granola, and fresh fruit; always at the same table -and seat right next to the window- in the ICU’s small yet fully stocked and manned cafeteria.

It makes her feel human again. To focus on herself. But it’s fleeting and soon taken over by feelings of selfishness and guilt; ashamed that she’d allowed herself those moments of peace and clarity while Tyler continued to exist in that void between life and death.

But today is different. His response to her request for a more significant and more obvious sign and her profession of love has rejuvenated her; her confidence has returned to her step and her optimism and hope are both stronger than ever. She knows they’ll try and convince her it’s all in her head; gaslighting her into believing that she’s so desperate for a miracle that she’s become ‘delusional’ and is ‘highly imaginative’. But she knows for sure that his squeeze of the hand was the real deal; it was strong and assuring and sending a clear, unwavering message that he’d not only heard her pleas and requests, but was doing his best to acknowledge AND answer them. And now only one real challenge remains. Getting him to show the nurses and the doctors the same responses when they speak to him.

“This place is getting busy again,” Esme announces as she re-enters his room, her soiled yoga shorts and tank in hand; stuffing the latter into a near overflowing she’s been promising to take down the laundry room for over a week. “Remember how I was talking about all those rooms opening up? People getting shipped up to normal wards? Well, they’re full again.” Sighing, she gathers her damp hair in both hands and styles it into a haphazard bun; securing it with the elastic she keeps around one wrist. “A lot of pretty young people, too. I don’t what’s going on and how they’re getting so sick or so hurt, but…”

A barely audible grunt from across the room interrupts her mid-sentence. The anxiety is immediate; her stomach clenching and her jaw tightening as she tries to digest the never heard before sound. Any change of the ’norm’ brings about near panic; a fear that something different automatically means disaster. And her brows are knit together and her eyes are narrowed as she apprehensively glances over her shoulder.

His eyes open. Barely. The gaze is groggy. Confused. But steadily fixed upon her.

“Tyler?”

Another grunt. His eyes briefly closing before he raises a hand; trembling furiously as it reaches for the breathing tube.

“No! No! No!” Dropping her remaining belongings on the floor, she rushes to his bedside; fingers curling around his wrist. “Don’t touch that. You’ll yank it out. Hurt yourself. The nurse needs to do it for you. Can you see me? Hear me? Do you understand what I’m saying? Blink if you do.”

He obliges her request.

“What are you doing awake? What…?” Her words are cut off by a choked sob; one of pure shock and disbelief. And she wraps both arms around his neck and presses a kiss to his temple; tears spilling down her cheeks as she rests her head upon his shoulder. “You prick! Leave it to you to wait until I was out of the room!”

It takes tremendous effort and strength, but his hand comes to rest in the middle of her back; rubbing it in slow, smooth circles in an attempt to console her.

“You know how long I waited for this moment?” Pulling away, she lovingly ruffles his hair. “Almost six months! A half a year! I’ve thought about it every day. What it would be like when it happened. And what do you do? You go ahead and totally ruin it for me!”

He attempts a sorry. Words unable to get passed the tubes shoved down his throat.

“I’m just teasing you. Just giving you a hard time. Don’t try and talk, okay? Not until they get those things out of you. Do you know where you are?”

A small nod.

“Do you remember what happened? Do you know why you’re here?”

Another. Followed by heavy-lidded eyes surveying the room; brow furrowing at the sight of the various bedside machines and the wires attached to various parts of his body. And when he looks back at her there’s a mixture of emotions written on his face; a heavy dose of fear and concern.

“I know it’s a hell of a thing to wake up to. Being here. And I know you’re probably really confused right now. Your mind is probably all fuzzy. Nothing much is making sense, huh? You’re probably scared, too. I would be too.”

He raises a hand; knuckles brushing against her cheek before his arm once more falls heavily onto the bed.

“I’m okay,” she assures him, as she sinks down onto the edge of the bed and takes his hand in both of hers. “And so is Ovi. Nik’s had people with him ever since he got home. They follow him everywhere; keep a close eye on him. Just in case.”

His brow furrows as he regards her intently.

“I’m fine,” she stresses. “I was a bit banged up. Nothing serious. I’ve had a hell of a lot worse, believe me. I didn’t even need to spend the night here. Not as a patient, anyway. You did what you promised. You got Ovi out of there. You got him home. Safe and sound. It’s over. It’s all over. It’s been over for months now.”

Sighing, he looks up at the ceiling. Tears sparkling in his eyes.

“I know you’re probably really confused. You’ve probably got a lot of questions. But you’ve been here for six months. So have I. I wanted to make sure that you were taken care of. That no one would give up on you. And I knew this was going to happen. I knew you were going to fight your way back. That you weren’t ready to give up. You weren’t ready to leave.”

He shakes his head.

“The conceited part of me wants to say it’s all because of me. That I’m the reason you’re still here. That you made your way back just for me. But…”

His eyes find hers once more; hand squeezing hers as tight as his weakened body will allow.

“Sweet talker,” she chides, and leans in to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “You try and rest, okay? I’m just going to go and call your nurse and she can contact your doctor or come and check you herself. Whatever she needs to do. I just…”

His grip tightens on her as she slips off the bed. The fear once more returning to his eyes.

“I’m not leaving, I just need to get your call button. It’s on the other side of the bed. I need to use it to get your nurse in here. Don’t worry…” Pushing a hand through his hair, she places her lips against his brow. “I’m not going anywhere. Not now. Not EVER.”

*****

It seems so different now.

So foreign.

Almost uncomfortable.

It’s so quiet. All the bedside machines unplugged; dark and silent and shoved into a corner of the room. She had gotten so used to it; the hiss and the hums, the beeps and the clicks. The noises quickly becoming a part of her new existence; blending in with the chatter of the staff as they wandered the halls and the rattle of gurneys as they passed by the room. And she almost misses them; unaware of how familiar and routine they’d gotten until they suddenly ceased to exist. They had been a security blanket almost; something steady and constant that had signified life and hope and had kept her going at even her darkest and most difficult of moments.

He sleeps soundly; aided by powerful painkillers given through an IV line and fed to him through a programmed pump. She’d insisted on it; reminding them of the addiction issues that had been previously addressed and admitting -painfully- that he couldn’t be trusted to administer to himself. They’re hard things to accept; the powerful and all-consuming ties he has to both alcohol and Oxycontin. In Dhaka they’d briefly talked about it; he’d confessed to his addictions and admitted that he wanted to break free of their clutches. Getting clean was a priority now that he had someone in his life; he wanted to be rid of the worst of his vices, no matter how difficult it would be to walk away from them.

“You make me want to be a better man,” he’d announced, the sincerity in both his voice and his eyes had making her choke up. No one had ever given her a more beautiful compliment. Such honest and heartfelt words coming from someone like him; a phenomenally strong, seemingly fearless man weighed down by the enormity of his mistakes. Carrying around the burdens of guilt and grief and regret.

Not of that exists right now. He’s temporarily at peace; free of the monsters and the demons that have plagued him for years. His unassisted breathing slow and deep and rhythmic; his weakened and battered body trying to build whatever strength it can in order to begin the long, arduous road of healing. His skin is pale and the circles under his eyes dark and haunting; she’s already promised to get him out into the sunshine as soon as the doctors feel he’s up to it. He sleeps with his face turned towards her; unruly hair splayed out across his pillow and looking shades darker against the crisp white sheets. And there’s a slight smile curving his lips; perhaps feeling the tremendous relief that comes with walking through the darkest and deepest recesses of hell and living to tell about them.

Despite there still being a long and arduous road ahead, she feels as if a tremendous weight has been lifted off her shoulders; no longer concerned with deadlines and ultimatums and feeling an immense satisfaction at the doctors being proven wrong. And it had taken everything she had not to gloat when the primary care physician finally showed up to asses Tyler’s current physical and mental state and remove him from the machines. Feeling an immense sense of pride in him when he was able to answer -using nods or shakes of the head- basic questions regarding both his and her identity. Showing no signs of coma-induced amnesia; knowing her name and not only how they met, but how he ended up in the hospital in the first place. The line of questioning had been short and simple, but had immensely irritated him; the darkness in his eyes as he glared at the doctor gave a clear cut message: the interrogation was pointless, he wasn’t stupid, and he was simply tired of the other man’s shit.

The extubation hadn’t gone as smoothly as staff had hoped. What should have been simple and routine became a three ring circus when she was asked to leave the room; Tyler immediately panicking at the mere thought and his heart rate and blood pressure spiking to near dangerous levels as his fight or flight response kicked into high gear. Shockingly angry and strong for someone who’d been in a coma for half a year and only minutes before had appeared weak and docile. And with that the arguing and the threatening had began; Esme insisting that it was in his best interest if she was allowed to remain in the room where he could keep his eyes on her at the very least.

“He’s scared,” she’d informed them. “He’s scared and he’s confused. And I’m the one thing that’s been constant for the last six months. I’ve ALWAYS been here. He’s gotten used to that. What harm is it going to do if I hang around? It’ll help, if anything.”

For several minutes the bickering back and forth had continued. As had Tyler’s kicking and thrashing about in bed and the threats of “sedating him for everyone else’s safety.” She refused to let that happen; there was no need to drug him up when simply letting her stay by his side and hold his hand and talk him through it would more than suffice.

Her tenacity and stubbornness had been the victors in the end. And she’d held his hand in one of her own; her lips pressed against his ear as she talked him through the entire process and whispered words of comfort and reassurance. Telling him she wasn’t going ANYWHERE; there was nothing and no one that could possibly tear her away. Not now. Not ever.

******

Exhaustion sets in, coming on strong and fast. It’s aided by her newfound optimism and the fears she’s been able to shed, and she welcomes the chance to rest with open arms. Carefully prying open his fingers in order to slip her hand out of his; his grip surprisingly strong and fuelled by his fear that if he stops touching her, she’ll simply disappear. But he’s sleeping soundly and neither movement nor absence of touch disturbs him; not offering up a single flinch as he continues to alternate between lightly snoring and murmuring in his sleep. And kicking off her slippers, she leans back in her chair; drawing her oversized hoodie tighter around her body and then stretching out her legs and placing her feet on the mattress. Giving him just enough contact that if he does wake, he won’t immediately panic; her toes tucked securely underneath the back of his left thigh.

When she wakes, the sun has shifted position in the sky; beams streaming through the courtyard’s glass roof and casting shadows upon the lobby’s walls and floor. For what seems like several long, tedious minutes she fights disorientation; her weary brain struggling to identify and make sense of the sights and sounds that had been part of her life for half a year. Yawning loudly, she presses the heels of her palms into her blurry eyes; keeping them closed as her hands move to her shoulders and she massages at the tight, aching muscles.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.”

She gives a small start; eyes rapidly flicking open and falling on the nurse that busies herself on the opposite side of the bed.

The younger woman gives a sheepish, apologetic smile. “I tried to be as quiet as possible. Sorry.”

“No need to be. It wasn’t you. I think my neck was crying out for mercy. I didn’t even realize you were here.” Esme frowns as concern sets in. She hates how quickly it can grab hold of her; the panic that comes with the fear of losing the one thing…the one person…that you truly DO love. Her life had changed half a year ago. Meeting someone who was just as damaged and tarnished as she was.

It could have gone so horribly wrong; two hurt and lonely people only making each other worse.

“Is he alright?” She attempts to keep her anxiety under control; the mere thought of him having a setback and ending up worse than before just too much to bear. While all her spoken and unspoken pleas and promises had been both accepted and answered, it’s been a nagging worry; a quick and sudden regression that sentences him to a life in a near -or full- vegetative state.

Even then, she'd stick by his side. Put her entire life on hold in an effort to improve his. And provide whatever care he needed. No matter how 'hands on'. “He’s doing just fine. Breathing well on his own; his numbers never drop below ninety-five percent.”

“And that’s good, right? Especially considering how long he needed that machine for? To already have numbers that high…”

“It’s excellent. Far better than anyone expected.”

“No one expected much from him, did they? And they sure as hell wouldn’t listen to me. I told them; that he was responding to my voice and when I tickled his palm and sometimes when I combed his hair. I knew what I was talking about. It wasn’t all in my head. I wasn’t hysterical or crazy like they said.”

“No. You most certainly weren’t.”

“You were the only that believed me. That didn’t think I was nuts.”

“You fought with too much passion and too much conviction to be anything BUT truthful. I could tell in your voice and in your eyes; you truly believed what you were saying.”

“I may not have known Tyler very long, but I know that he wouldn’t give up without a fight. Maybe before he met me, he would have. But we talked about the future. OUR future. There was no way he was giving up on them. On me. On US.”

“I wish all of the patients here at someone like you in their corner. I like to think that if they did, they’d heal a lot faster; knowing that someone is fighting for them and making sure they get nothing but the best. Do you know how many have no one? Whose families have just given up and stopped coming altogether?”

“I can’t even imagine being that way. Just abandoning someone. Especially someone I love. How do you live with yourself? How do you sleep at night? Pretending as if they don’t even exist anymore?”

“I don’t understand it myself.”

“It’s just so sad. The thought of them being all alone. No one caring about them. I know it’s not easy; seeing someone at their worst and not knowing if they’re going to make it or not. It’s hard; to lose someone you care about. But ignoring them and pretending they don’t exist doesn’t make it all go away.”

“And the guilt afterwards? The regret? If they DO die?”

“I couldn’t live with myself. I wasn’t going to do that to Tyler; just leave him here and go on with my life. I didn’t want him to be alone. He deserves so much better than that. And if he was going to die, I was going to make sure he had someone here with him.”

“I assumed you’d been with him for a long time. Considering how hard you fought. How you wouldn’t back down.”

“I know it doesn’t make sense. The way I am. So soon after meeting someone. But I know how I feel. About him. And I know it isn’t wrong. Because nothing wrong could ever feel this right.”

“There’s no rules. No time limit. Whether it’s weeks, months or years that you’ve known someone. And don’t let anyone tell you any different.”

“They don’t even try anymore,” Esme laughs, and leans back in her chair. “They know it’s a lost cause. My family gave up a long time ago.”

For several minutes they go co-exist in silence; Esme watching as the nurse tends to replacing IV and catheter bags, resetting the timer on the pain pump, and using an iPad to jot down the various numbers in regard to his vitals. And she’s beginning to doze off once more when the younger woman’s voice captures her attention; her head snapping up and her eyes flickering open.

“He’s got quite the hold on you there,” the nurse nods down at the bed; Tyler’s hand covering one of Esme’s feet in a surprisingly strong grip.

She wonders when he’d done it. If it was a subconscious moment while he was sleeping or if he’d woken up briefly and intentionally took hold of her. “He’s protective. Even while he’s like this. Just wants to keep an eye on me. Make sure nothing bad happens. Or I don’t get away.”

“I don’t think he has to worry about that. Especially that last part. You know, if you want to get out of here for a bit, I don’t mind sticking around. This was my last patient for these rounds. So if you want to go grab a tea or something to eat or eve get some fresh air…”

“I don’t want to leave him alone. If he wakes up and I’m not here, he might freak out. He might…”

“He won’t be alone. I’ll be right here. Sitting with him. I don’t mind spending my break here. You need some time to yourself. Even if it’s just to wander around a bit. Feel the sun on your face. The worst is over; he’s done his time in hell and come out the other side. You can breathe again.”

She chews on her bottom lip; considering the opportunity that’s been presented to her. And sighing, she turns her teary eyes towards the younger woman. “Please take care of him.”

“Of course. He’s in good hands.”

Giving a nod of approval and a smile of appreciation, she stands; pushing her chair away before approaching the side of the bed. Running her fingers through her hair before holding it back off his forehead; lips meeting warm, smooth skin.

“I’ll be right back,” she promises, a fingertip lightly trailing down the scar that inhabits the left side of his brow. “There’s nothing to worry about, okay? I won’t be gone long. I’m not leaving. You don’t EVER have to worry about that.”

#Tyler and Esme series #In a Heartbeat #Tyler Rake fan fiction #Tyler Rake fanfic #Extraction fan fiction #Extraction fan fic #Chris Hemsworth #Tyler Rake #Extraction 2 #Extraction #Tyler Rake x OFC #Esme Drummond #Esme Rake

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