#just going “excuse me” to someone and then physically removing them

[glubglubgurgle]

honey crisps (chapter 6)

calebmc college au!! they attend a jackson wang party hehe

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6...

pairings: caleb/unnamed afab mc

tags: college alternate universe, FLUFF, calebmc are both freshmen, AU where they both have parents lol..., childhood friends to lovers, fake dating/practice dating/practice kissing/practice more...?, smutty, caleb third person pov, caleb yearns as usual, they make out here!!!! jealous caleb !!!! no sex yet! just some good kissing and attempted masturbation, VAG FINGERING?????, booby touching hehe, eating out, booby kissing, caleb cums in his pants !!!!, blowjobs (or at least attempted...you'll see why) PARTYING!!

word count: 2.6k

a/n: happy birthday caleb!!!! wish i was munching on his cake tonight </3 but it's party time so jackson wang party for celebration hehehehehehe hope u guys still like me.......

ping list!!: @mcdepressed290 @st4rlight707 @auroranavi @plzdonutpercieveme @ippilulu (it wont let me tag u TT) @honeycrispangels

CROSS POSTED TO AO3

chapter 6

The next few days were terrible for Caleb. It was excruciatingly awkward for the two of them. He attempted to sweep things under the rug, but she would freeze up around him. 

The night they shared was really good for the two of them until she looked at him with pleading eyes, and said she wanted to go all the way.

“Caleb, I can’t take it anymore. I want all of you, please?” She said to him, holding his head up by the locks of his hair, tearing him away from her clit after she came multiple times. 

He froze. “P-pip…I want to so bad, but you know we can’t.” He said, breathlessly. His cock straining against the sheets. “I-I know this sounds terrible after all we did, but you shouldn’t rush into that. I want you to do it with someone you actually like…”

She looked at him, her eyes suddenly sober. “R-right…sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” She grabbed her shirt and covered herself, “I’m getting tired, you’re all, um, good, right?” She closed her legs, removing his hands from her thighs.

“Hey, pip…” Caleb tried to stop her from leaving, but the words wouldn’t come out of his throat. 

“I’m gonna get cleaned up and go to bed, I have an early class.” She didn’t. “Uh, thanks.” She gave him a quick peck on the cheek before rushing off the bed and out of the room, shutting his door on her way out.

The next morning, she was already walking out the door as he woke up. He tried to talk to her, but she waved a quick bye before leaving. 

Caleb just stood there after she left, regretting almost everything. He didn’t regret saying no to her. As much as he wanted it to be him, he didn’t want them to have sex as friends. He wanted to be more than that, and he couldn’t use the excuse of wanting to take her first for that time. 

He wondered if he ruined all his chances, but he just wanted to move forward to at least go back to where they were. He tried to act normal, and he hoped to find a chance to be able to properly talk to her.

But she was too good at avoiding him. They knew each others’ schedules perfectly, but Caleb lost to her when she’d slip out of his reach on the dot each day. He received short responses and easy excuses through text, but he never could bring himself to physically stop her. Even in class, the work picked up, so she didn’t have much of a reason to turn around and talk, even giving Gideon short replies and forced smiles.

Before he knew it, it was already Saturday. 

He had to pull out their childhood promise, he didn’t know why hadn’t earlier on. He wondered if he was too afraid of her, but he couldn’t handle it anymore. He knocked on her door, his hand slightly shaking. He swore he was a fearless man, but anything involving her made him the weakest man alive. “If you don’t come talk to me, I’m telling Gideon we’re not going to his friend’s party tonight.” He waited for a sign, his ear up to her door. And then finally, footsteps. He quickly stood up straight as he heard her doorknob turn.

She opened up her door slightly, peeking at him through the small space. “Y-yeah?”

He rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. “You ignored me all week and one mention about the party, and now you wanna see me, pip? Is that all I am to you?” He asked playfully.

She looked down at her feet, opening her door more. Scratching the back of her neck, she replied, “I wasn’t ignoring you…”

“Yeah, sure. You were just super busy.” He sighed. “Let’s make up.”

Hesitantly, she looked up at him. “What do you mean?”

“Shouldn’t we patch things up like we do after every argument?” He tilted his head, taking a step forward towards her. 

“We didn’t argue…I just,” She covered her face with her hands, “It was just kind of embarrassing.”

He grabbed her hands, pulling them away from her flushed face. “Hey, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. We just got caught up in the moment…I know we did a lot of things, but I just want you to…y’know…do that with someone you really like…like that.” He let go of her hands to rake his fingers through his hair, flustered. “So…are we okay?” Caleb looked at her to study her expression, a far-away look present in her eyes. He couldn’t tell if it was still embarrassment or disappointment. “Pip?”

As if she was in deep though, she blinked back to reality, a smile showing on her lips. Caleb could see it didn’t reach her eyes. “Yep, we’re good, Caleb. I get it, don’t worry. I’m gonna get ready, sooo…” She flashed a thumbs-up before shutting her door in his face.

Caleb was sure she didn’t get it, and he was also sure she wasn’t happy with him. He just couldn’t understand how to appease her. He just hoped the party would get her mind off of things and make things less awkward.

–

Despite their ‘reconciliation’ from earlier in the day, the two didn’t share much words before the party. He half-expected her to barge into his room to ask for advice on what to wear, but since Gideon said it was a casual party, she probably had no issues.

Caleb didn’t bother trying too hard to look good. He didn’t want to attract too much attention so he just wore a random white tee and jeans. His shirt felt tighter around the chest than usual, but he just brushed it off and didn’t bother to change. 

Around 6:30pm, Gideon sent a message saying he was on his way to their place to pick them up. In exchange for the ride, he wanted Caleb to help him carry in drinks. He didn’t even know how Gideon managed to get his hands on alcohol, but he assumed his charm helped with bypassing an ID check. He walked over to her room again to let her know that they’d be leaving soon.

She opened her door, revealing herself in a tank top and black denim mini skirt. 

He must have been staring for too long when she was prompted to wave a hand over his face, “Earth to Caleb? What’s wrong? Is it ugly?” She placed a hand on her hip, looking frustrated. She then turned to face her bedroom mirror, fixing her hair in the reflection, revealing that her top was backless.

“Woah, uh, no. You look great, I just…um. Are you gonna bring a jacket?” His cheeks felt warm, she was breathtaking. And he suddenly really didn’t want to go to the party.

She looked at him confused, grabbing her phone from her back pocket to scroll through it, “Probably not, it says it’s going to be warm throughout the night.” She shrugged, shoving her phone into her back pocket again.

He wanted to lock her in her room, forbid her from going out like that. Yes, he could fight, but he didn’t want anyone to see how ethereal she looked. He wanted this scene to be for his eyes only. But their relationship was already treading thin ice, so he held himself back. “Alright, pip. Well, Gid’s on his way so we should head downstairs. Wear comfortable shoes.” 

He walked back into his room to grab a random jacket. Despite it being warm, he knew she’d get cold later with the lack of fabric she was already wearing. He walked to the door of their apartment, grabbing the keys from the bowl and waited for her.

Gideon finally arrived a couple minutes later. Caleb slipped into the passenger seat whilst she sat behind Gideon, next to a couple boxes of beer and a huge cooler. “Damn, Gid, where’d all this come from?”

“I know a couple guys,” he winked at him. 

Caleb saw the way she eyed the alcohol. “Hey, pip. I know it’s your first party and I’m not forbidding you to drink or anything. But please don’t go too crazy. Your mom would kill me if you end up in the hospital.” He said, looking at her through the rear view mirror.

She rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. “Yeah, whatever. I’m not a kid, Caleb. You don’t always have to watch over me.” She mumbled the last part, but he still heard her loud and clear. 

Gideon glanced at Caleb, a flash of worry in his eyes, as he had probably felt the tension between the two. He tried to reassure him that nothing was wrong, but he couldn’t even reassure himself. 

Once they got to the place, there were already a lot of people parked and walking into the huge house, he was surprised they got a parking spot right in front. He met Jackson earlier in the week in their classes, and he looked exactly like someone who threw ragers often. He was half-expecting an asshole jock, but he was actually really cool and considerate. Caleb spotted the platinum haired host at the front door of the house, greeting people. His eyes seemed to have lit up as Gideon exited the driver’s seat.

Before following suit, he turned to her, “Don’t stray too far, pip…it makes me nervous when you’re not around.” 

“Whatever…” She mumbled as she got out of the car.

Caleb got out, standing next to Gideon on the other side, watching as Jackson came up to them to greet them. He was in black tank top and heavily ripped jeans. “Hey guys!” His eyes fell to her and he smiled wider, “Woah, you must be Caleb’s close friend, right? Nice to meet you! I’m glad you could come, too.” Then he peered into the car, seeing all the drinks. “My man!” He exclaimed over to Gideon, giving him a hug. “I would so help you out, but I gotta make sure no one’s broken anything yet, in there.”

“Of course, man. No worries, we got this.” Gideon nodded. “I got these two to help, we’ll see you inside.”

A few more exchanges and then Jackson ran back into his house, greeting more people. Caleb and her got to work with helping Gideon bring in the drinks. The inside of the house was huge. He was expecting more of a fraternity house like he’d seen in movies, but Jackson lived in a proper mansion. Marble flooring, huge chandeliers, and the living room was big enough to fit a huge DJ table. Multiple people were dancing in the living room, bumping to the DJ’s set, couples were already making out on the couches, and there were various fruity scents as they walked through the place. He couldn’t tell if it was people’s perfumes or people’s flavored vapes.

They set the drinks down in the well-lit kitchen island, next to the various foods and non-alcoholic beverages laid out. It made Caleb appreciate Jackson a bit more to know he wasn’t just focused on getting everyone drunk.

Jackson met them in the kitchen, expressing another round of gratitude towards them. 

“Where’s the bathroom?” She asked Jackson, who then offered to take her.

Caleb probably looked tense since Gideon placed a hand on his shoulder, “Don’t worry about him, he’s cool. He won’t do anything to her.”

“Is it that obvious?” Caleb chuckled, turning around to get a cup of whatever mystery juice Gideon made in the cooler. 

“That you’re in love with your best friend? Oh, yeah.” Gideon opened up a can of beer, laughing as he took a sip.

He choked on the insanely sweet yet alcoholic drink in his cup. “What?”

“Dude, I knew it since you first mentioned her. You know, I don’t actually like her, right? I mean, like that anyways. I just thought I’d tell you that to push you to confess or something. You seemed like the competitive type.” He nudged his shoulder into his.

Caleb was utterly shocked, guilt filled his chest as he recalled the number of ways he thought of to get rid of Gideon, when he was on his side this whole time. “Dude…I almost killed you.” He told him, wide-eyed.

Gideon laughed, and then noticed that there was some seriousness to his statement. Coughing awkwardly, he turned away from Caleb, looking out into the crowd of already sweaty people. “I’m glad you didn’t, loser…what went wrong though? You guys didn’t seem very friendly this whole week…”

As he remembered Monday, he almost downed his whole cup, but instead he set it down and replaced it with a soda. He wanted to be sober enough to keep watch in case anything happened. “A really bad misunderstanding.” He sighed.

A few minutes of them drinking passed by, the loud music thumping through their chests. Then she finally returned to the kitchen with an unfamiliar guy. She had a wide smile on her face, contrary to when she left just a few minutes ago.

“Hey! I bumped into a friend I made in class on the way back.” She gestured towards the guy beside her. He was rather tall but still shorter than Caleb. He had bright red hair and thick glasses. He was rather slender and really pale, as if he didn’t go out into the sunlight at all. “This is Lucky! He’s in my department.” 

Lucky reached his hand out towards him, “You must be Caleb, she talks about you a lot.” He smiled at him. 

Caleb forced a smile back, biting back any ill intentions. “Terrible things, I suppose.” He shook his hand, firmly.

“Only sometimes,” he laughed, earning a slap on the arm from her.

Gideon introduced himself, and Caleb just tried to calm down and look at the bright side instead of focusing on the fact that the friend she made in class was a guy. His possessive nature slowly took over, but he couldn’t afford to mess up any further. 

“Is this yours?” She asked him over the music, grabbing the cup of alcohol next to him. 

He just nodded, not expecting her to grab it and take a drink. Gideon warned her with wide eyes, “Woah there, not too fast dude. I make that shit kinda strong…” 

She brought the cup down, coughing and scrunched her face, “Ugh, I can tell…” Despite the reaction, she kept holding onto it. “Lucky and I are gonna check out the DJ, are you guys gonna come with?”

Caleb wanted to, so he could keep watch, but he decided against it. He might have ended up being rude to the poor guy who was just caught in the crossfire. “Maybe in a bit, pip. Go have fun, be safe though.” He waved them off.

“So you let her be alone with him, but when I said I wanted to ask her out, you almost killed me?” Gideon asked, stunned. “Asshole.” He let out a dramatic sigh.

“Oh believe me, if I had the power to blow everyone up at this party minus her, I would have done so by now.” Caleb gripped onto his soda can, his foot tapping on the marble flooring anxiously.

“Shocker.” Gideon grabbed his wrist, pulling him out into the living room. “We’ll have a better view of them from out here, stalker.”

“Don’t you want to hang out with your friends, Gid? I’m totally fine by myself.” Caleb checked, noticing that Gideon was acting as his babysitter to make sure he didn’t kill anyone.

He shook his head, “Maybe later but this is way more entertaining, right now.” He chuckled.

Caleb searched through the dancing bodies to find her familiar silhouette, which would have been harder due to the strobe lights, but he knew her all too well and easily spotted her. Even in the dim lights, he could still see how beautiful she looked. She danced and hopped to the music, red solo cup in one hand, and the other in the air. A small smile played on his lips as he observed her having fun, almost being able to ignore the man close to her.

“You’re whipped, Caleb. How has she not noticed this yet?” Gideon said loudly over the music, leaning into his ear. 

He shrugged, “No idea, but I haven’t been able to make it clear either.”

All of a sudden, he saw Lucky’s hand be placed on her swaying hip, his body moving alongside hers to the beat. Then he saw him slowly inching his face down to hers and everything seemingly froze.

[frankiebirds]

reid going "excuse me, sorry" and then shoving this woman out of her desk is so funny to me. it's a pretty light shove, he honestly more pulls her out of her chair than anything, but. why is he like this. it's like that moment when he crouches by a body, clears his throat so the other person there will move out of the way, and then smirks. he's such a bitch sometimes i love him

[featherwingbrushes]

Cynanigans

Puns bc why not

So this is a lil drabble based off the prompt of Cyn discovering Uzi is ticklish and being the little tail pest she is, decides to annoy the shit out of Uzi bc she’s bored. Someone pls tell me who drew art for it bc I know it exists (I want to give them credits), I just don’t remember who the creator is

EDIT: The amazing artist who drew the art this is based off of is @ihonestlydontknowstudios

Anyway, tickle fic, don’t read if you don’t like! :D

Lee!Uzi & Ler!Cyn

“Cyn. I swear to robo-jesus, I’m going to have you surgically removed.”

“You would— have already done that if you— could. Giggle.”

Uzi heaved a frustrated sigh, restraining the urge to strangle the annoying pest of a tail critter head as she sat at her workstation, leaning against the desk in front of her. Cyn was right after all, it’s not like this parasite could be removed as easy as a leech. Still figuring out a fix. And if she strangled Cyn now, it would only hurt the both of them anyway. Not worth it… yet.

The purple-haired drone kept herself focused on the disassembled railgun in front of her, currently re-wiring some of the internal mechanisms as something to keep her occupied for now while N and V were out on patrol around the Colony for J sightings. Cyn, of course, decided this was the perfect time to make an appearance, inhabiting the little critter head of her tail just to lovingly pester her host as much as possible.

“Any— way. I want food. Go con— consume food. Your friend Thad, maybe? Next— door.”

“What? I’m not going to eat Thad, and we’re not even that hungry. You just want an excuse to bother me. You get no oil.” Uzi hissed, rolling her digital eyes as she ignored the sight of the pouting tail raised beside her.

“But I— But I want oil. Uzi. I want oil.” Cyn huffed insistently, drooping a little as she observed her host with her numerous pupil-less yellow eyes. “Uzi. Oil.”

“BITE ME.”

Cyn paused for a moment, taking in Uzi’s classic angsty retort. She always thought it was rather redundant. But she decided to take it literally this time, practically giving a mental shrug before dipping forward. “If you insist.” And without giving Uzi time to process beyond a confused look, she opened her mouth and latched onto the drone’s nearest side.

“Hey, wha—AHAIT!” Uzi yelped, completely startled out of her thin focus, jerking away from the sensation and dropping her pliers. It felt incredibly odd, with Cyn not fully sinking her fangs in a harsh bite, but rather a gentle little nom that made her want to wriggle out of her metallic skin.

The both of them froze after that, with the parasitic tail unlatching from Uzi’s side for the moment, the both of them processing that joint sensation. While Uzi could experience more of what Cyn felt, Cyn only experienced glimmers of what Uzi physically felt, so this caught her off guard. Uzi glanced down to see the critter with a seemingly puzzled expression, meanwhile her own was that of annoyance and dread as she realized what this would lead to.

Cyn reached the conclusion herself a delayed minute later, an almost wolfish grin overtaking the rather expressionless tail head.

Uzi just shrunk away as best as she could in her chair, steeling her expression to glare daggers at the now mischievous-looking parasite, trying to dissuade any ideas she now had.

“No… Don’t you fucking dare.”

“…Mischievous. Smile.”

But there wasn’t much escape from her own tail, and Cyn immediately dove forward to take advantage of this weakness. She latched onto Uzi’s side again, sharp fangs just gently nibbling through the dark fabric of the hoodie. This instantly provoked a reaction, with Uzi dissolving into giggles against her will from the incessant nibbles.

“Cyn— CYN NOHOHOHO!” She hissed through the laughter bubbling up, much more childish than she would’ve liked to admit, not her usual crazily mad-raving giggles.

Cyn, meanwhile, was thoroughly entertained now, no longer craving oil and instead purely wanting to torment her host. The tingly feelings weren’t so bad to her anyway, unlike the way Uzi was suffering.

“What’s— wrong, Uzi? You seem to be in a, much— better mood now. Nom.”

“Thahat’s NOHOHOT whahat’s hahahappenihihing here!” Uzi snapped back, failing to glare as harshly as she usually would, expression forced into a wide grin as more cackles messily spilled out.

Cyn continued her rapidly soft nibbles all along the side, occasionally darting over to lightly nip at her purple host’s stomach to worsen the sensations. Uzi’s usual defenses were crumbling, much to her annoyance and embarrassment. She was damn close to toppling off her desk chair at this point, just trying to swat away the mischievous critter head and clamp her arms to her sides. How could she lose to her own tail?? This was mortifying. A few squeaks slipped in here and there, furthering her shame.

Uzi had to get her to stop. She couldn’t go on like this, and she certainly didn’t want N and V arriving to find her on the floor as a mess of giggles, with the latter catlike drone would no doubt relentless tease her about.

So after another fruitless minute of attempting to smack away the tail, Uzi finally huffed out an offer, anything to get Cyn to stop the devastating ticklish nibbles. “OHOHOKAHAY STAHAHAP!! IHIHI’LL— I’ll gehehet yohohou ohohoil!!”

Cyn pretended to contemplate it for a moment, pausing to give Uzi a second’s reprieve, before immediately replying and darting back to nom on her other side. “Mm— no. Only this. Smirk. Nom nom nom.”

Uzi erupted into snickers again, shrinking away from the little critter as she tried to stay on her chair. She desperately tried to think up anything to get Cyn to stop, if only so she wouldn’t be this disheveled when N and V came back. And she needed to buy the yellow-eyed parasite’s silence as well.

And so Uzi finally blurted out a second offer, which she knew she would regret but would follow through anyway.

“I’LL WEHEHEAR A BOHOHOW FOHOR AN HOHOUR TOO IF YOHOHOU STAHAP AND DOHON’T SAHAY A WOHOHORD!”

Cyn fully stopped at that, the magic word being spoken. Bows. She could get Uzi to wear a bow. Yippie!! Ticklish torment could be doled out on her host later. This offer was precious.

She pulled back and glanced up with her pupil-less eyes to the angsty drone wearing that forced smile, a satisfied grin still on that critter head. “Head tilt. Okie. Terms ac— accepted.”

Uzi collapsed back in her chair to catch her artificial breath, trying to force away the lingering phantom tingles and fix her frown, giving Cyn one last annoyed swat. She looked over to see the critter now expectantly holding a huge black bow in her mouth and staring up at the drone, like she had been prepared for this moment.

The Worker sighed and begrudgingly gestured for Cyn to fix the accessory atop her head over her beanie, which the Solver parasite gladly did a split second after.

Not even half an hour later did N and V arrive back in Uzi’s place, greeted by the sight of the grumpy angst-filled drone working away at her desk, wearing a that black bow with Cyn complacently sipping on a “juice box” of oil beside her.

N barely resisted the urge to coo “Awwww” and smile, just keeping a hand over his mouth. V raised a digital brow, glancing between Uzi and the happy tail with an amused smirk. “Should I even ask?”

Uzi looked over to the Disassembly Drones, narrowing her deep violet eyes at V.

“…No.”

———

Did we like?? Let me know if u wanna :3

I tried my best and it’s certainly been a while since I wrote much lol

[sevinagreatergood]

Let's talk about the excuse anti-snape have. It wasn't SA. I was arguing with one and they came to me that is could at most be sexual harassment (verbal) and not sexual assault (physical). I gave them that removing someone clothing from the genital area is physical.

Refusing to give in, they told me back that "then it wasn't SA" (so in that time aka 1970's). Girl, the laws were always there. That people downplayed "pantsing" isn't my goddamn fucking problem.

It counts as SA back then too. I had to pull in the laws as the 1st pic demonstrates on the 3rd dot and a lawyer their word. Also, that Snape didn't press charges is obviously because it would be too much for a children's book and I mean. Dumbledore silenced Snape after a murder attempt. That says a lot at how Slytherins, especially Snape is treated.

They come at me that a man pantsing a man is not SA. Alright, let's go with that then. Where do we draw the line then if men with men scenarios is downplayed a lot because...? Oh right, there is no sexual intent. Let's go with their theory then. SA only counts if there is sexual intent.

Is it SA if multiple men held Snape down and took of his trousers against his will? Oh, but there was no sexual intent.

Is it SA then if multiple men held him down, removed his clothing, took pictures and spread it all over school? Oh, right. There is no sexual intent for doing that.

The ones that use gender (man and man actions is just boys being boys). How about I rip some woman their shirt (I am a woman myself) out of anger in public? Oh, but I didn't mean it sexually. Does that count as SA? I am a woman, removing another woman her clothes after all, doesn't count as SA right?

I mean, I've heard trash reasoning but that "SA is only SA with sexual intent" is next level trash.

Or man with man is just playing around. Please go fuck yourself. And I hope you change your views before you have children. Imagine going to a court case and the judge says "oh, well, you're a man, it's not that deep"

Or looks at a woman and says "oh, you're a woman. You deserve extra attention"

Pantsing is SA, that's why it isn't done everywhere. If a British person did that to a French person, they won't laugh, they'd be beaten up for that because it is NOT normal.

[ourflagmeansdemise]

Just saw a physically disabled OFMD fan making a post claiming that Izzy Hands's death wasn't at all ableist, and that everyone claiming that it is must be able bodied and I want to be fucking sick. They said not to argue with them in the comments or reblogs, so I won't.. I'll make my own goddamn post. Let's talk about it. We were shown a man losing his limb. Attempting to end his life in the aftermath of that loss. Surviving. Even if he never asked for it. Spiraling into depression and alcoholism and self loathing. LITERALLY CRAWLING ON THE GROUND. Before he's given new purpose- A new leg, a new place in the world! We see him learning how to accept and live with his disability, and for a short blissful time we had representation of how life can go on! Of how we can recover against the odds! Of how life is worth living even if our bodies fail us! We get to see the whole crew working together to show Izzy that he was still worth loving, worth helping without making him feel weak or useless, worth making their figurehead! The spirit of the ship!! Something meant to protect them! Guess what! I watched all of that as a physically disabled OFMD fan, myself! I saw that, and I felt so strongly about it- Because before the finale, this season had given me one of the most powerful representations of disability I had ever seen and it resonated so strongly with me, as someone who struggles with my own sense of self worth due to the limitations of my own body.. I watched every time Fang or another member of the crew physically held Izzy up or supported him in some way. I watched him wear his queerness openly and sing his heart out to the crew that love him.. I watched him get just a taste of the life he could have lived, as someone valued by his community, even despite everything he'd lost.. And I watched him die. It was cheap, and it was rushed. Pointless. They killed him, and no one said anything at his grave. Except that he was a fucking nightmare. They buried Izzy, a lifelong sailor, in their yard like a dog instead of giving him a burial at sea... And they REMOVED HIS PROSTHETIC LEG FROM HIS CORPSE, to use as a headstone. Stripping him of his dignity. Of his role as the figurehead. Of the love that he was given by his crew.. Everything that stupid fucking horse leg represented was taken from him. Watching that finale left me gutted. For days all I could do was cry. Everything that they gave, and subsequently stole from Izzy Hands, they gave and stole from me as a disabled person- And I CANNOT be the only physically disabled OFMD fan to have been devastated by this loss. In fact, I KNOW I'm not, because I watched this season alongside my partner who is also disabled, and I held his hand in mine so tightly throughout the last episode that it hurt by the end of it. Then we cried ourselves to sleep, after. Now I get to read posts on tumblr.com saying that Izzy Hands's death was not ableist, and if I think it was that I'm some able bodied idiot using disabled people as an excuse to be mad about a character's death.

[lchufflepuffcorn]

Hands burned onto you (Baela Targaryen x Reader)

This is a dragon!hybrid!Targaryen AU

Note: Hi! This is an imagine dealing with self-consciousness. I'm using this blurb as a base for the self-consciousness, I didn't want to go too deep into a specific trait, so I'm using a fictional reason instead. Rhaenyra is referred to as : Aunt, once, because the family tree got too complexe for my brain.

Warning(s): Self-consciousness, mild, but still there. Ambiguous sex for the reader, though more feminine energy... No use of (Y/N). Kinda angst?

Words: 2k238

Original Masterlist

🐉 !Hybrid Masterpost

Baela had always placed a high amount of confidence into her clothing to impose her importance upon the member of her step-mother’s court. Now was a time such as this, too. A supper with reluctant members of the nobility, to keep their loyalty to Rhaenyra as Aegon grew older and her father yet weaker. Baela was getting tired of the multitude of parties and important supper to which she and you were conveyed. 

She’d much rather have you all to herself. 

Sitting on the couch facing the changing section of the bedroom you both shared, Baela was observing attentively as you presented to her the different clothing options you could be adorned with for the night. Baela got to have the last word, as she would be the one to tore it off of you in the end. 

At present, you were showing off a red and black outfit, wich showed of your body in just the way she liked, but wasn’t as ‘showy’ as all the others you’d tried so far. But Baela ad a little pout to her lips as you turned to show her the complete view. 

“I much prefer the blue one, dearest…” She told you finally, resting her head on one of her hands, leaning forward as much as her wings let her. 

You felt a weight fall to the pit of your stomach. The blue outfit was the most “showy” of them all, with nearly translucent material. And the middle part was practically non-existent. And thus showed the burnt imprint on your skin. 

“Very well.” Your grin wavered a little, but you agreed nonetheless. The soft happiness glowing in your eyes faded somewhat.

Baela frowned at that change, her wings rustling against the cushions. It felt as if the warmth of the room suddenly froze, like someone had opened the windows during a harsh winter night. But before she could ask you about anything, you ducked behind the changing screen. Moondancer echoed inside of her head the growling that shook her physically with dread. 

Were you saddened by her choice? The blue had a more translucent fabric, and a deeper neckline, but nothing to make you uneasy… usually. 

Baela rose from her seat, creeping behind the changing screen with you. ”My lovely Rider, should you prefer this one I will not be cross with you.” she said, keeping a distance between the two of you. 

You kept silent, removing the shirt you’d just showed off, back turned, shaking your head. Bael’s frown deepened. Taking a hold of your arm, and tugging softly to make you turn in her direction, she searched your face so that your eyes could meet. 

“Tell me.” She asked, barely a sound louder thant a hush, your eyes lowered, pulling your clothes closer to your abdomen as if to hid it. 

The world darkened around Baela as she caught the movement. ‘Don’t hide.’ Moondancer growled inside her head and it resulted as a snarl upon Baela’s lips, echoing through the chamber. The cloth you clutched to your skin was removed, ripping from your fingers and the princess's hands replaced it on your skin. 

Hands covering the perfect imprint on your scarred hips. Baela’s eyes shining with a pale, otherworldly hue as Moondancer took a space in her mind too. 

“As someone commented on them?” She asked in that same hushed tone, now less sweet, more cold and angry. 

You thought about lying, finding an excuse, a reason. But your reaction time was running out quicker than you could think of one, and so, you simply told the truth. 

“Not exactly. They would never comment about them to my face.” 

Well, not exactly the whole truth. People weren’t talking directly to you, sure, but they were whispering loud enough (and close enough) for you to hear. But you thought that maybe it would quell the fire now burning in your lover’s gaze. 

But your words didn’t give Baela the relief she’d hoped for, that you’d hope for. When you left to go back to your family, to recover from the burns she’d given you, Baela fought for you to come back. She fought for you to be given peace, protection. Only to be undermined by what? Whispers? It made no sense to her. 

Her mind was racing frantically, Moondancer was already planning atrocities for whomever had made any kind of comment to blow the confidence you’d starter to get back was… a crime, passible of death by dragon. And Baela (and just Baela) didn’t want to go on a killing spree within the castle walls right now. She let out a frustrated breath, fingers brushing the skin of your hips. 

“Lord, ladies, knights, servants? Tell me who, my Rider.” 

“It’s not important, my love…” You tried to deflect, reaching for the blue outfit that was hanging before you over the changing screen, feeling the heaviness of your truth. Making Baela angry had not being in your plans for tonight, and just thinking of it was tiring you already.  

“It is important, because nobody should be making you uncomfortable.” She growled, leathery wings extending behind her back. Fluttering them menacingly as her darkened gaze turned toward the doors which opened, and closed in less than a second. 

“They’re wondering. Nobody talks about it…” You tried to defend, weakly. If only to keep the peace. 

“And they don’t need to know, because it doesn’t concern them.” She growled at you, pulling the blue clothing from your hands and placed the red one back. “Wear the red one. I decided I liked that one better.” 

Before you could pass the clothes over your head, she stopped you again, one hand resting on the scar on your hip, the other rounding behind your neck softly. 

“I love you, scarred or not, you are the most beautiful being in my eyes. I apologise for the wrong I did you. I’ll deal with this situation.”

You placed a hand over Baela shoulder, shaking you head, eyebrows frowned. “What are you speaking of, why are you apologising again.”  

Baela kissed your lips softly, helping you to adjust the waist of your clothes now. She shook her head, deflecting your worries “I cannot accept the lack of respect they show to you. Your beauty is mine to appreciate and yours to know.” 

Her eyes racked over your body, a smirk curving the corner of her lips as she did so. Her fingers traced yours hips through the materials of your clothes until they reached the top of your thighs, before she grabbed a fistfull of it to pull you closer to her. now chest to chest you could feel her breath hitting the skin of your neck as she peppered little kiss along the length of it.You rolled your eyes. Baela always, somehow, made moments as innocent as this turn with innuendos of her physical appreciation. Not that you minded too much. 

“And you do appreciate it very much, I’m aware.” You finished for her. 

“Your tone suggest it’s a poor decision.” She teased, but you tensed a little at her words. 

Your parents had suggested for you not to go back, when you went to heal. That the Targaryens where monsters, poorly raised creatures with no more self-control than the usual beasts. And as much as you didn’t want to think so, there was a part in your mind that still dreaded to feel Baela’s hands on your skin, since the incident. 

“I would never do such a thing, my love.” You breathed out, trying to keep the shake from your voice at bay, lowering your gaze to the ground. It was better than to look into her eyes and see the fire of her anger burn brighter again. 

She took a step back, fingers loosening around your thighs as Baela took in your cowering state. Moondancer prowling about in her mind, ready to jump out and smother you with what they thought was a needed hug, perhaps some times alone in your shared nest. But she managed to keep the dragon inside of her at bay yet again. Instead, the princess took a sharp breath before speaking again.

“What is it. Truly?” Her head lowered to catch your eyes once more. “Did I do something, are the scars hurting again? I can send words that we’re not feeling well, and not go to the party tonight.” Your hands were now intertwined with hers, fingers entangled with each other, Baela looked on the verge of crying. 

You’d never seen her this open, vulnerable, before. 

“I’m scared.” you blurted out. 

Your eyes widened at your words, as if taken aback from them just as much as Baela was. 

“Scared?” She questioned. 

You nodded, pulling away from her, walking toward the couch, if only to not be standing on shacking knees anymore. You sat on the footrest, leaving her the couch and Baela took a moment before following you. Her wings, still kept out, weren’t taking as much place behind her as before, but now, talons where curling at the tip of her fingers. You swallowed and diverted your gaze toward the bed behind her. 

“I…” The words fought to exit your mouth, or to be kept in, you couldn’t really make the difference anymore, but you finally managed to talk after a second of silence. “I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. I don’t blame you for a reaction that you could not control. It’s simply that… What else, will you not be able to control?” 

Baela frowned at your words, leaning back to rest against the couch, incomprehension written all over her face. You rushed to correct your phrasing. 

“I mean, I’m a simple human, my lady…”

“Don’t call me that.” She interrupted you quietly. You sighed. 

“My love.” You corrected, then continued. “I don’t have a skin made of scales, or stones. How else can I end up burnt? How else could I see my life end? How important am I, truly, to a dragon such as yourself?” 

Baela opened her mouth to interrupt you again, but you stopped her with the raise of your hand. “My family is unsure that yours is truly in need of your blood for an alliance. We have but a small fortune, even less soldiers to commit to a possible war. I’m not saying that I am not grateful for your attention. Simply…” 

‘Is it worth my life?’ were the words you simply couldn’t get out. The refused to follow the rest, sticking to your lips and sealing them. The choke of it brought tears to your eyes and you lowered your head again to spare yourself the shame of showing weakness. Baela rose to her feet, pacing before you for a moment. 

The silence was deafening. You were certain that she could hear your heart hammering inside your chest. You sniffed, drying your eyes the best you could with your hands. 

“Dragons are fearsome creatures. I do not blame your emotions, since you’ve had reasons to feel them.” Started the princess with a calm, thoughtful tone, that she used generally during diplomatic meetings. 

You kept your head lowered. 

“Your family as always tried to keep us apart. I shall not blame you from having doubts, they are your family. But I will not stay quietly put when you insult the bond we share so freely.” 

You winced at her sharpness. Baela turned to look at you, her wings fluttering angrily behind her, the smell of sulfur slowly engulfing the room as she stood tall right in front of you. 

“I have pledged my love and loyalty to you, as you did to me, and my queen. I have taught you the principles of the Dragons. The principles of being a Targaryen. I will not tolerate you questioning your importance as my mate.” He tone grew angrier by the words and you pushed the footrest away from her by reflex. 

This brought a pause to Baela and she took one breath, then two  others before she spoke again, her tone calmer now. 

“And don’t you think I know? Don’t you think I see the look in your eyes most of the times I touch you without warnings? It kills me to be the one who caused that fear in you. It kills me that I do no know how to help you either. It’s the worst feeling I could ever imagine. How could I hurt the most important person in my life, how could I make them afraid of me?” 

Baela ran a hand over her face and kneeled before you, but she kept from touching you. “Tell me how I can help. Teach me how to heal with you.” She pleaded softly. 

A tear rolled down your cheek and you chased it away with the back of your hand, shame rippling through your bones at showing weakness, showing fear in front of the only person you thought you’d be safe from. 

“I don’t know how.” You sighed, trying to keep the tears at bay. Baela nodded. 

“That’s alright, my love. We can learn how together. Just, let me help.” 

A knock at the door made you tense, turning away from it as it opened, leaving Baela to answer. 

“We’ll be late to the party, please inform my father and my aunt.” 

This made you smile a little bit, truly, for the first time in months. 

taglist: @lady-dragon-rider

current anon: 👑😵‍💫🥰🧑‍🍼😣🧑‍⚕️

[pleasantspark]

DISCLAIMER: This is not a suicide threat (despite being read as one.) its a mere rant about guilty by association, I am fed up mentally and physically that I cannot sleep at night.

I do not support proshipping. Nor do I support Chai. End of, bye bye. If you think my skeptism is supportive then I don't want to be around such negativity. It's no excuse to demean a victim of false allegations just for being skeptical of the claims.

One you've been labeled as a predator without evidence your life is over, the very people who stood by you go on the side of the person who accused you, the same accuser is now sending the same shit they claimed you did to them.

I'm sorry for ever expressing my concerns and trauma relating to being falsely accused, I am sorry for ever doubting allegations that seems to pop out of thin ass. But once you come to terms with what I am, and who I stand for. Then I hope you can learn to grow and take into consideration that I am not someone who supports blantly disgusting shit.

If me being skeptical or mistaking a base as chibi is signs I am a degen, let this be known, you're the one's making the assumptions not me, I've told all you idiots I am an easy target to manipulate I am severely mentally handicapped, forgetful and need a handler.

I get told lies a lot that I can easily believe and whenever I speak about proshipping or anything Chai has done, I don't know better. I cannot form cohesive arguments but I do admit that proshipping and the likes is disgusting as fuck.

I was groomed into a cult that specialized in using proshipping as EPI after all.

I am a damaged repressed porn addict that literally needs help and I don't wish to be stuck with labels like this, the fandoms gotten to the point my mental health has plummeted from the baseless allegations and constant demeaning behaviors that I am actually considering suicide. This isn't a threat no, I am literally fucking depressed and stressed. I cannot stand seeing drama and I want people to get along, and this shits causing so much issues with a medical problem I am having and typing this all out I am literally crying.

I want people to stop beefing, I want the community to stop lumping concerned and worried people as being EDP445's I want people to BE KIND TO OTHERS.

If you come in my inbox to leer or mock me, fuck off, I don't need this added stress right now. I want this shit to end. If not, then proceed to have the Stans come at you all for your infighting, it's not fucking good to have to see people going about and crying about someone, I will not stand for this at all, and I wish to remove myself from prior statements, I do not want to be in this position anymore, keep me out your mouths, stay away from me and do not approach me about prior things Is said. I tend to go off on tangents when off meds and maniac and half the time I don't know any better, if you think a mentally ill trans persons words are serious then you are stupid my friend.

All I wanna do is talk about Cell and The Ginyu Force not have death threats and people demeaning my own experiences just by stating some things I CONSIDERED to be iffy is questionable. How hard it is to track down an OG Base, how hard is it to NOT call CP, CSEM and vice versa? How hard is it, to NOT CALL someone skeptical of anything a pedozoo defender? People like you make me sick and I hope you all can stop being rude.

I'm sorry for misspeaking and I will not address blantly sperging inboxes accusing me of such painstakingly life ruining allegations after all, it happened to me once and if it does happen again I am upholding the promise of actually ending it. I am not mentally sound to be handling this level of disrespect nor am I actually mentally sound to be answering calls (I won't be handling drama, you all are adults, handle in private.)

Have a shitty day and read the room.

[junglemax]

in this we’re pretending the hob got to fuck up the patriarchy, okay? okay

christian got misted this time. the help he gets is unexpected.

[drabble]

Christian’s already excused himself from the rest of his faction, locking himself into a room alone. The black mist stings in his eyes still, and he stands in the mirror, rubbing at it, trying to get it out.

His upper teeth throb, and he can already feel the physical changes from being misted coming in: fangs, which he hasn’t had in years. They sit uncomfortably in his mouth, and he hopes he can get this all reversed before someone notices.

A knock at the door startles him. “Go away,” he calls. He’s not in the mood for anybody, not Mother Wayne, not Nick, especially not Killswitch- he was supposed to be the bodyguard. He should’ve gotten this shit in his eyes, not Christian.

The knocking gets louder. Christian groans and finally steps away to go to the door. “I said, go away. What don’t you understand-“

He opens the door, expecting some stupid backstage worker there to tell him he needs to do a promo or something. Instead, Willow stands with a frown and her arms crossed.

“I think you have the wrong room,” he sneers. He tries to slam the door shut on her.

Willow grabs it before it can close and forces it open. “Actually, this is the right room.” She walks past him.

Christian turns in disbelief. “Excuse me, Miss Nightingale, but you do not just get to barge into my room like this. I will have you removed forcefully if you do not leave immediately.”

“Go ahead,” she says, placing some unmarked jar onto the table. “I don’t want to be here, either. But you got someone that cares about you, for some reason, so now I gotta care about you whether I like it or not. Now will you shut up and listen to me for a second?”

Christian’s mouth stays open for a moment in shock. He shuts it after deciding that letting her talk is better than her punching him. He crosses his arms. “Fine. What is it?”

She sighs. “You got misted out there. How are you feeling?”

“Fine,” he lies. “No problems at all. You can go now, and tell whatever mystery admirer I have that there are better ways to check up on me.”

“Your eyes are puffy,” she deadpans. “You’ve been rubbing at them, haven’t you?”

“What does it matter?”

“It matters because that makes it worse. Please sit down so I can clean it up.”

“You will not touch me-“

“If I have to sit on you, I will,” she warns.

Christian finds a chair and sits.

“Thank you. I would say this won’t sting, but since you’ve been irritating it, it will sting. Sorry.” She gets some of the cream out of the jar she brought and rubs it around his eyes.

Christian hisses.

“Hold still,” she hisses back. “I know, it hurts. But this’ll make it better.”

“Who sent you?” Christian finally asks.

“You still haven’t figured it out?” Willow asks. She doesn’t add to it, and instead gets a rag to wipe everything off. “There. Most of it’s gone.”

Christian’s eyes do feel better already. “Thanks,” he says, absently running his tongue over his new teeth after.

Willow notices and grabs his face. “Hold up- open your mouth?”

Christian jerks away from her, covering his mouth with his hand. “You’ve done what you came here for, haven’t you? You can go now.”

Willow closes her eyes, takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “He’s not gonna like this,” she mutters.

It clicks in his head then, who sent Willow after him. Christian stands up. “Get out,” he says, gritting his teeth and pointing to the door, “out of my room, now. Tell Adam that he has no business getting into my problems.”

“Tell Adam yourself,” she snaps, and walks to the door. “You two got some serious problems to work out.” She leaves, making a point to slam the door shut after her.

[bella-rose29]

Golden Boy

Nikolai Lantsov x f!reader

They meet at the University of Ketterdam and sparks fly, but he becomes Sturmhond and she stays behind.

Word count: 5.3k (there's a part two as well send help)

Warnings: swearing, angst, i cried when i wrote this and if it was on paper it would be covered in my tears

Tag list: @bubybubsters, @hauntedenthusiasttragedy, @karensirkobabes, @kentucky-criedfricken, @notoakay, @naushtheaspiringauthor, @el-de-phi, @simbaaas-stuff

Please let me know here if you want to be added or removed from my general Nikolai tag list my lovelies <3

(not my image although i think that's probably obvious)

Y/n was early for her class, which confused her. Normally she was running late, turning up a minimum of five minutes after whatever the event was had started, no matter what, so to be early for once was making her worried. She checked her timetable again, looking at the room number on her paper and the room number on the door, then at the time and date on the paper and the time and date on the huge clock in front of her, all the details matching, and decided she didn't like being early. She also didn't like being late, to be clear; there wasn't much that was more embarrassing than walking in to a room full of people mid-lesson, and having everyone stare at you as you walked to the only available seat that was as far away from the door as humanly possible (which totally wasn't an experience the girl had had before).

Sitting down on one of the chairs outside the classroom, she sighed, hoping the professor would turn up soon. Footsteps started echoing through the corridor immediately after she had the thought, and she was starting to get worried at how lucky she was today.

Maybe I'll go place a bet on something later, she thought. Looking up, however, she saw not the professor but another student, clothes neat and not crumpled at all (the ones she had on were the only clean items she could find on the floor of her room that morning), blond hair perfectly styled (her hair looked like a bird had recently finished nesting in it), and bag slung effortlessly over one shoulder (hers was dumped on the floor, the strap unable to bear more than the weight of a single book most days).

She immediately didn't like him.

When he smiled at her, teeth blindingly white, her dislike grew at this obviously rich posh kid who had never had to ask for a thing in his life, and tried not to physically move away from him when he sat in the seat next to her.

"Are you in 'Languages of the World' too?" he asked.

"No, I just thought I'd sit outside the classroom and wait for the professor of a class I don't attend." His smile faltered slightly, and she felt a little bad. She knew it was harsh, but she had no time for rich kids, and he was obviously one of them. Having grown up on the streets of Ketterdam, working three jobs to pay for her family to stay in a single hotel room, she knew how to suss a person out within five seconds. It wasn't bias, she'd learned how to read body language and facial expressions when she was 9, and it was extremely handy for knowing who to approach and who to avoid in the streets.

"That was sarcasm," she said, even though her voice had been dripping with it just now and there was no way that he had missed it.

"Right..." he trailed off, and thankfully at that moment some other students turned up, giving her an excuse to not talk to him. The professor turned up just as the bell sounded, and Y/n leapt up, desperate to be as far away from Golden Boy as physically possible.

Once inside the classroom, the professor announced a seating plan, and Y/n internally groaned.

Please let me be sat next to someone who has some sort of a grasp on languages, she thought.

In her first week at University while on the hunt for friends, she'd discovered that of all the people in this class, barely anyone spoke something of all the languages taught. Learning other languages had been another skill she'd picked up as a child, since a lot of tourists came to Kerch (although having grown up here, she had no idea why, it was a complete shit hole in her opinion). It had allowed her to get a third job as a translator for some offices, and it paid so well that after only six months working there she was able to drop one of her other jobs.

Finding her name on the sheet of paper the professor had pinned to the board, she went and sat in her seat, taking her books out of her bag. Just as she placed her bag on the floor, she felt someone sit down on her left, and mentally prepared herself for the greeting.

Nothing prepared her for the fact that Golden Boy was her table partner, however, and she choked on her spit. He frowned, concern flashing across his features. "Are you alright? Saints, here, have some water." She took the bottle that he presented, taking a large swig before handing the bottle back to him. Embarrassing that he'd seen that happen, but she had noticed his use of the word 'Saints'. So he was Ravkan. She wasn't sure how she'd missed the slight accent before, but now she knew where he was from, it was obvious.

"I'm alright now, sorry."

"Let me know if you need any more, yeah?" Ghezen's Hand, he even spoke like he'd been raised on caviar and silver platters, despite speaking Kerch.

"I'll be fine, thank you."

Not long after, the register was called, and the professor went round the tables individually. When he got to their table, checking they were there, Y/n almost choked on air again.

"Y/n L/n?"

"Here, sir."

"Nikolai Lantsov?"

What? The professor had made some kind of mistake, surely. There was no way that-

"Here, sir."

What?!

Why the fuck was the second heir to the Ravkan throne in her 'Languages of the World' class? And why was he sat next to her? Although, actually he didn't have much choice in sitting next to her, because of the seating plan, but she chose to ignore that piece of information for the time being. The whole class was tittering, whispers rising as they recognised the name.

"Settle down, students, settle down. Let's get started, shall we?" The professor called, moving to stand behind his desk.

"What. The. Fuck?" she muttered under her breath, although apparently not quietly enough.

"I didn't think he'd do it like that, to be fair. I was hoping I could be a little more incognito, but yes, 'what the fuck' perfectly sums this up I'd say," he whispered, leaning in slightly so that he didn't have to speak so loudly. Y/n refused to turn to look at him, keeping her gaze fixed on the professor at the front of the room and starting to make notes on what he was saying.

The rest of the class passed without too much stress, and luckily Y/n barely had to speak to the prince. No wonder he'd sounded so posh, though. And he probably had been raised on caviar and silver platters. By the time the lesson was over, two hours after it had begun, Y/n couldn't wait to leave. She'd enjoyed learning, but having to sit next to literal royalty wasn't doing wonders for her self-esteem, and her ass hurt from having to sit still on the chair for so long. Packing up her things, she turned to leave, but apparently His Royal Highness Prince Nikolai Lantsov had other ideas.

"I know I haven't made the best impression on you - don't look at me like that, I know I haven't - but did you want to do the homework together? My Fjerdan isn't brilliant, but you seem to be amazing at it, so I was just wondering if you would help?" He looked nervous, hands fidgeting at his sides, pulling at the bottom of his coat. She sighed deeply.

"Fine. Just... try not to be posh or anything. I can't stand it."

"How do I do that?"

"I don't know, do I? If I think you're getting too posh, I'll glare at you and start to leave, alright? Then you know what not to do." She walked off, hoping he'd follow. Sure enough, he did, footsteps echoing as they had earlier. Looking down at his feet she realised that it was because he had fancy shoes on, the kind that she could buy for the price of her house, and scoffed out loud.

"What now? Have I done something posh?"

"No, sorry. It's just that even your shoes are posh."

"Wait," he said, stopping abruptly. She stopped too, half turning back to face him, and frowning when he stuck his hand out. "Hello, I'm Nikolai, but just Nik is fine," he said with a smile, and Y/n's frown turned to an expression of incredulity.

"What are you doing?"

"Well, we got off on the wrong foot, and you don't like me too much, so I figured I should introduce myself the way I should have done before class."

"For the record, this," she waved her hands in his general direction, "is too posh. But fine. I'm Y/n, and don't shorten it, because we're not friends." She took his hand, annoyed when she felt a butterfly take flight in her stomach at how their hands seemed to fit together.

"Yet."

"What?" She pulled her hand back. Enough physical contact for today.

"We're not friends yet. I'm very persistent when I want to be. And I would like to be friends with you."

Y/n snorted. "What for? I've insulted you to your face multiple times the entire time we've known each other, despite the fact that's completely inappropriate."

"That's exactly why I want to be friends with you, because you're not pretending to like me. I could already see everyone else in that class eyeing me up, seeing how they could try and get close to me in a stupid attempt to be able to say that they're friends with royalty. You just ignored me, and to be honest? It felt great."

"Um... you do realise how weird you sound, right?"

"Yeah, I... as soon as I said that I realised. But I mean it, Y/n," he replied, following after her as she started walking again. "It's nice to have to try and make a friend. Wait, that was posh, wasn't it?" At her slow nod he winced, and she felt a pang of sympathy. She supposed that having no idea who your real friends were was something they had in common, and decided she could try being a little nicer to him.

"Look, I'm sorry for being rude and stuff, I just really don't like rich people. I grew up on the streets while I worked 20 hours a day to keep my family in a shitty hotel room and fed and warm and all the rest of it, and when rich people heard about my situation they'd just say 'stop being poor, that'll solve your problems'." He was staring at her, unreadable expression on his face, and it was making her slightly uncomfortable. She'd never not been able to read someone before. "But... I know what it's like to be alone, and honestly Ketterdam is one of the last places you wanna be alone, so if having a real friend is gonna help, then I guess I can let you tag along to my study sessions. This does not mean that we are friends, to be clear. You've still gotta work for that. But I'm giving you extra opportunities, alright?" He nodded, so fast she was worried his head would go flying off, and the smile on his face was so wide and genuine she couldn't help but let a small smile onto her own face.

"You have every right to not like me, especially with a life like that. I'm sorry that that happened, too. But I promise I'll try and convince you to be my friend, and then be the absolute best friend you could ever have asked for."

She rolled her eyes at his words, pushing open the door to the University library. "You are very full of yourself, you know that?"

"I have been told that, yes. Most often by Dominik, actually. But then he's always calling me names, so I feel the need to defend myself by making myself feel important and unstoppable."

Snorting at him she asked "Who's Dominik?", and finding a table in the back of the library and sitting down, she pulled out the homework.

"My best friend, lives in Ravka. He's in the army now, down in the front lines. We grew up together."

"Is he posh like you?"

"Nope. His family lives on a farm. They're better off than they were when we were growing up; I've managed to siphon funds from a noble I don't like to his family so that they don't have to worry too much. The harvest can be rough where they are, so I didn't want them to starve. They always managed to put food on the table when I came over, so this is my way of saying thank you, I guess."

Y/n couldn't help but stare in shock at the prince (who was blissfully unaware as he unpacked his own bag). "Wait. Your best friend is a commoner?"

"Yeah. You'd probably get on, actually. Bond over teasing the shit out of me or something."

"And you're helping his family?"

He paused in his movements, looking at her properly. Seeing the confusion on her face, his own expression softened. "You think it's impossible for a rich person to help someone."

It wasn't a question, but she still nodded. Having grown up expecting the least from everybody, she was used to people with money doing nothing, leaving the poor on the streets. Never, in her life, had she met a rich person that had actively done something useful to help someone else, so to hear Nikolai Lantsov, prince of the Ravkan throne, talk about how he was helping a poor family made her want to hug him.

"You know, usually when people say 'impossible' they actually mean 'improbable'," he said, and she smiled a little.

"That's stupid."

He shrugged. "It's true though. Think about it. You thought it was impossible for a rich person to help someone, but I've just proved to you that it's only improbable, because out of all the ones you've come across, I'm the only rich person you've met that has."

She couldn't deny his logic. "Still stupid. Come on, I heard your Fjerdan earlier, this is gonna take all week."

They spent hours in the library, occasionally getting up and walking around the table to stretch their legs or collect a book, and by the time they were kicked out by the librarian due to closing, Y/n had found herself having fun. He was funny, and actually quite nice, and yes, his Fjerdan was horrific, but he was a fast learner, and by the time they left for the night he had improved significantly.

"How long until I'm fluent, then?"

"Not sure. How long are you here for?"

"Three years, apparently. I might die of boredom before then, there doesn't appear to be much else to do, and my parents want me to do a politics course next year."

"You might die of boredom? What are you, a puppy in need of constant entertainment?"

"Ironically my nickname in court is 'Sobachka', so sort of." Y/n reached her door, pausing outside.

"This is me. This is also not an invitation to be outside my door every opportunity you get, alright?" He nodded. "Good. Night, Nik." She opened her door, stepping inside and closing it again before he had a chance to reply.

~~~

He took every opportunity to be outside her door.

It was infuriating at first, how persistent he was, but after a week of him trailing her heels she figured she should just get used to it.

They spent most evenings in either her or his room (his was significantly more neat and tidy than hers), studying, doing homework, or trying to get Nikolai better at speaking Fjerdan (it really was atrocious, which she couldn't understand since he'd pretty much mastered all the other languages). The rest of the time was spent in lessons, or for Y/n working shifts whenever she had some spare time. Nikolai had offered to help out financially, but Y/n, despite her constant pleadings that rich people would give away more of their money to the people that needed it, refused to take his. It felt too much like she was using him, and given how excited he'd been to have a real friend, she just felt bad thinking about it.

One night they were in her room, Nikolai sprawled on her bed and Y/n picking various things up off the floor and other surfaces in an attempt to tidy. He had an arm flung over his forehead, and a leg dangled off the side of the bed, making him look like one of those ladies in a painting that had fainted onto a fancy sofa.

"You could help me, you know."

"You wouldn't let me. As soon as I touched something you'd tell me not to break it, or that I'm putting it in the wrong place." She groaned at his words, knowing frustratingly that he was right. It was annoying how quickly he'd worked out how to understand her, but then he was a fast learner. That thought made her pause.

"If you're such a fast learner, how come you're shit at speaking Fjerdan?"

"What do you mean?" He removed his arm from his head, opening an eye to squint up at her. "I'm not that bad."

"Uh, yeah you are. I had to teach you the word for 'goodbye' yesterday because you'd forgotten it. Seriously, who is that bad at Fjerdan? I know it's not an easy language to learn, but you've mastered the others." He blushed a light pink, pushing himself up on his elbows.

"I uh, I haven't been entirely honest with you, and when I tell you I need you to not hate me" he started, looking like he was bracing himself for a physical attack.

"What." Her eyes narrowed.

"I'm actually fluent in Fjerdan, I just pretended I couldn't understand it so that we had a legitimate reason to spend time together," he replied, in perfect, unaccented Fjerdan. She froze where she stood, eyes wide, then chucked the decorative pillow she was holding at his head. "Ow!" he cried as it made contact, falling backwards against the covers.

"Well you deserve it, you bastard! You've been lying to me for a week because you were desperate for a friend?! I would have been your friend anyway, you dipshit!"

"You... you would?"

"Yes!" she shouted, throwing her hands in the air in exasperation. Her breath came rapidly, chest heaving from shouting.

"Oh..." he paused, looking bashful. "I just... normally I'm good at making friends, I just figured you wouldn't want to spend time with a rich kid unless you had a reason to. And I really wanted to be friends with you, Y/n."

"Well how did you become friends with Dominik? Pretend you were shit at Zemeni?"

"It was a lot more complicated than that, and no I did not. You know that my Zemeni is flawless," he held a hand to his chest in mock hurt, a pout forming on his face.

"Oh, forgive me for not remembering that when you lied to my face about your Fjerdan!"

"You aren't too mad at me, are you?" he questioned, pushing himself up into a sitting position, worry filling his expression.

"No, I'm not. I just... am frustrated that you didn't tell me sooner."

"I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you!"

"Oh, you don't have to-"

"No, I will," he said, leaping up from the bed to stand in front of her and hold her arms. "I will. Are you free tomorrow evening? Actually, don't answer that, I know you are. I'll pick you up at six bells, alright?"

"Pick me up? Nik, what do you mean?"

"I'll feed you, all you have to do is look pretty and bring your appetite, which shouldn't be too difficult for you given how gorgeous you are anyway, because I'm paying and that's that."

Y/n felt her face warm at his words, and the pesky butterflies that had slowly been waking up the last week fluttered in her stomach.

"I don't have anything nice to wear though, so you'll just have to deal with what I've got and not take me anywhere fancy. Seriously, a street vendor would be fine. And don't spend too much, becau-"

"Saints, please stop talking! I will take you where I want to take you and if you don't have anything to wear then tell me, because I refuse to be seen in public with somebody who's naked, alright?" She hit him (gently), and he jumped back, laughing. "I mean it! Imagine how ruinous that could be for my reputation!" She hit him again, smiling along with him as he picked up a pillow to defend himself. Y/n lifted a pillow of her own, and before long they were having an all-out pillow fight on the floor of her bedroom.

~~~

Y/n was panicking.

It wouldn't be long until six bells, and where she was always late, Nikolai was extremely punctual, and she knew for a fact that he would be knocking on her door as soon as the first bell sounded, and here she was, stood in the middle of her room, surrounded by clothes yet not wearing any of them. She was yet to pick an outfit, and although she'd said to Nikolai yesterday that he'd have to deal with whatever she picked out, and she'd never been one for caring what other people thought of her clothes, but for some reason, nothing seemed good enough.

"Ugh, this is ridiculous!"

It was ridiculous, how much time she had spent on finding the perfect outfit. But for some reason she wanted to look nice for their date- wait, what? Since when had she been thinking of this as a date?!

A knock sounded at her door, three sharp raps, and she knew immediately that it was Nikolai.

"Shit!" she whispered, the word leaving her mouth like a hiss. "Uh, one minute!" She heard muffled laughter (the bastard), and hopped around the room, picking up random items and pulling them on as quickly as she could. Running over to the door, she yanked it open, revealing her Golden Boy, hands in his pockets, looking effortlessly handsome in his simple white shirt and black slacks.

"Are you sure you want to wear that? I know I said I wouldn't judge you, but this outfit is really quite something." He was trying to hide his smirk incredibly unsuccessfully, and she slapped him on the arm, sending him a glare.

"Look, I'm struggling, okay? You haven't told me anything about where we're going, and I have no idea what I should wear!"

"Just... okay." He walked around the small room, rummaging through the various piles of clothes, discarding most and throwing them to the side. "Aha! Here, put these on." He shoved the articles he'd gathered into her hands, then pushed her behind the screen she'd put up in the corner of the room. Changing quickly, and definitely not almost falling over multiple times, she emerged five minutes later, dressed in the blouse and long skirt he'd picked out for her.

"Alright, fine. Can we go now?"

"Hmm?" He turned around, then froze, staring at her.

"What? You were the one that chose this outfit, if there's a problem it's your fault!"

"No! No, it's not that, you just... you look... good," he finished quietly, blushing.

"Oh," she replied, her own blush heating up her cheeks. "Well, um... let me just put my shoes on, and then we can go." He nodded, and watched as she laced up her boots. Opening the door for her when she was done, Nikolai offered his other arm up to Y/n, and she took it gladly (partly to be closer to him and partly to stop herself falling over from how nervous she was). "Actually, where are we going?"

"A tiny restaurant I found on my first day here; the food is incredible."

The walk was short, and it startled Y/n to realise that Nikolai's guards had come with them, trailing behind at a distance. When she'd asked him about it, he just said that they'd always been there, just out of sight. She wondered how many of their conversations they'd overheard, or if they'd picked up on how much she liked her Golden Boy now. She didn't have much time to ponder, however, as Nikolai pulled her around a corner into a hidden courtyard that, in her entire life living in Ketterdam, she had never noticed before.

"What? Don't you like it? We can go somewhere else, if you want? I just thought tha-"

"You're rambling, Nik. And I do like it, I'm just annoyed that you found this place before I did and you didn't even grow up here!"

"Oh! Well that's alright then. Come on!" He seemed to ignore everything she'd said past 'like it', dragging her along by the arm to a table out the front of the restaurant. They were greeted a few moments later, presented with menus and the specials, then left to decide what they wanted. Y/n made her mind up quickly (a habit she'd picked up from not liking being rushed), then took the time to look around.

The courtyard was small, boxed in by tiny apartments on all sides, some with little balconies overlooking the square. The walls were lined with plants, flowers blooming despite it being late in the year, and small lights littered the spaces in between the leaves. It was gorgeous, and she wondered how often Nikolai had come here. Speaking of Nikolai, she turned back to study him. He seemed to be taking extra time to decide what he wanted, brow furrowed as he browsed the menu, biting a nail as he did so. A strand of his hair had come away from his perfectly styled locks (seriously, who had time for that?), and before she knew what she was doing, Y/n was reaching over and smoothing it back.

Nikolai had looked up as she moved, and was now sat staring at her, eyes wide, as her hand brushed his forehead.

"What," he cleared his throat, "What are you doing?" His voice was shaky, and filled with nerves, and Y/n thought he was adorable like this.

"You had a hair out of place, and it was annoying me," she shrugged, leaning back in her seat. "Have you chosen yet?" He nodded, still looking at her, a dazed expression on his face.

"Yeah, I have," he replied, voice quiet, and Y/n got the distinct feeling that he wasn't talking about the food.

~~~

The rest of the evening passed in a blur, filled with laughter and talking, and never a dull moment. There were silences, yes, but they were comfortable, and the longer the night went on, the more Y/n found herself thinking of it as a date.

He might not be thinking it's a date, though. I don't want to get my hopes up.

When they came to leave, Nikolai paid just like he said he would (much to Y/n's annoyance, because she could have paid for her own meal), and they left the courtyard arm in arm.

They were almost back to the University when Nikolai spoke.

"I had a nice time tonight, Y/n." She'd been looking up at the stars, barely visible through the clouds and making her neck sore, but now she turned her head to face him.

"Me too." They were quiet again for a bit, but then Nikolai started huffing, apparently wanting to say something but not finding the words or the courage. "Spit it out, Lantsov."

"Was this a date?"

His words shocked her, and her mind went blank for a moment. At her lack of answer he grew worried, concern that he'd messed things up crossing his features, and she quickly went to rectify it.

"I'd like it to be. You know, if you would. Obviously if you don't then no, but if you do then that's-"

"I'd like it to be a date, Y/n/n."

"Oh. Good. Okay then." Y/n was quiet for a minute. "Good." She winced at herself, cringing at how awkward she was making it, but luckily they pulled to a stop outside her door, giving her an escape. He was smiling at her, a soft smile reserved for her, not one of the blinding ones he used to win people over, and her heart fluttered.

"Night then. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, see you tomorrow, Nik." She went to open her door, pausing for a moment as she made a decision. Reaching up, she planted her lips on his cheek, then hurried inside and slammed the door, leaving him standing in the hallway.

~~~

Three weeks later, Y/n was sat at a table in one of the coffee shops littered around the campus, usually filled with students dead on their feet needing the caffeine to get through a class without falling asleep. She had her notes out in front of her, working her way through an essay she had to write, when a book slammed on the table, making her jump. She looked up, immediately finding the perpetrator.

"What the fuck, Nik? Why would you- oh shit. No. Not that face. That's your 'I have an idea that you won't approve of' face, and we both know what happened last time."

He'd fallen off a wall trying to climb it, saying he could sneak into the principal's office from there. He'd ended up concussed.

"That is not a face I have, and anyway, you've only known me for like, a month, Y/n/n, how do you know what my faces are already?"

"I'm good at reading people," she shrugged. "Go on, spit it out."

"Hear me out," he said, excitement creeping into his voice. He lifted the book in front of him.

"Privateering for dummies? Nik, seriously, what are you gonna do?" He frowned, turning the book to read the title.

"Shit, I picked up the wrong one. I know the basics already, just wanted to learn some history really. Must have left in such a hurry I didn't get the right book."

"What do you mean, you know the basics? You're going round attacking enemy ships in your spare time? Wait, is that why you bailed on me the other day?"

"I didn't bail on you, I forgot, and was busy with something else, so can we please move on from that. And no, I'm not a privateer yet, I just..." he sighed, finally sitting down. "I can't stay here, Y/n/n. I'm bored as fuck and while you are amazing, and learning languages with you is great, I need to be doing more. You know what I'm like, always fidgeting. I think this will be good for me."

"One, you need to actually tell me what you were doing to bail on me, and then we can move on. Two, I know I'm amazing, but thank you for the extra validation. Three, why privateering? Why not become a mechanic or something? And four - don't look at me like that! You can't come in here, dump that information on me and then expect me to just smile and go along with it! Four, what about your obligations? Won't people notice that the second prince of Ravka has disappeared, and then not long later a privateer that looks remarkably like Nikolai Lantsov turns up?"

"All valid points. If you must know, I completely forgot we had plans, and I feel really bad about it, but at the same time I was reading this incredible book that I couldn't put down, and then there was a really hot sex scene, and I-""

"Okay! I don't need the details, thank you!"

"Fine, fine," he said, dodging the straw she threw at him. "Privateering because when I was travelling over here, and this is going to sound really cheesy, but I just felt... at home. I felt more like me than I had for a long time, and when you've spent your life cooped up in a palace, although not cooped up, 'cause it's a big space, but you know what I mean," he paused, frowning as he tried to remember his train of thought. "It felt so free out there, nothing but water as far as the eye can see, and I don't know, maybe I could do more for Ravka out there than I ever could as the spare. As for your fourth point, I'll get tailored, change what I look like, keep a low profile for a little while so the timings don't quite match up."

Y/n was silent for a while, contemplating everything he'd said. "When would you leave?"

"We would leave next week, I've already made arrangements for a couple of things, but pretty much everything else will have to be done on the night, because I can't get everything past my guards. What? What's that face for?"

"'We'?" she asked quietly. "What do you mean 'we'?"

"Aren't... you're not coming with me?" He looked confused, and gods bless him he wore his heart on his sleeve, because his expression was so genuine and so lost that she immediately felt bad for what she was about to say.

"No, Nik," she started gently. "I can't go with you, not when I've worked my ass off my whole life to get here. I need this degree to get a proper job, so that I can support my family, and being with you won't help that." She saw hurt flash across his face, which quickly morphed into a neutral expression, attempted boredom covering up any real feelings.

"Being with me?"

"You know, going and being a privateer with you. Obviously I don't mean literally being with you, or we wouldn't be together, but abandoning all of this? I'm sorry, Nik, but I can't do it, not even for you." He nodded, still no sign of any emotion on his face, and even when she tried hard to read him, Y/n got nothing. She felt horrible, knowing that she was the one that had made her sweet Golden Boy look numb inside, but she couldn't take back her words. She'd worked too hard for this life, and no matter what she felt for the man sitting opposite her, she couldn't just give it up. He stood, taking Privateering for Dummies with him, and left the coffee shop without looking back.

~~~

The next few days were excruciating, having to spend all of her classes with him trying to make conversation while he tried to ignore her, or when he had no choice but to speak to her, answering in short sentences. The professor had noticed, and one lesson asked if Y/n wanted to move, but she'd said no, not wanting to give up just yet. She'd be damned if Nikolai left while they were still on bad terms.

After one particularly painful lesson where he'd spent the entire time pretending he couldn't hear her because his ears were blocked from the bath he took that morning (a blatant lie, she was sure), Y/n approached his dorm door, knocking firmly. It swung open not long after, revealing Nikolai, hair mussed and bags under his eyes. Upon realising who was stood at his door, he went to close it, but Y/n snuck in under his arm, moving to stand in the middle of the room. It was a mess, clothes everywhere, bed unmade, books and papers scattered on every surface. Normally he was the picture of tidiness, and seeing his room so chaotic made her heart hurt. "Nik," she began.

"Just go, please." His voice was tired, assumedly from his lack of sleep, and she started walking towards the door. He opened it back up for her, but Y/n threw her arms around him instead, bringing him into a hug.

"I'm sorry, Nik. I'm so so sorry. Why didn't you tell me you were like this?"

"I didn't want you to worry, darling." He was sniffling against her neck as he wrapped his own arms around her. The pet name made her heart skip a beat, and she didn't understand why he wouldn't tell his girlfriend that he'd been in such a state.

"I'll always worry about you, Nik, you're my best friend," she replied. "And also my partner, which makes the worry doubled."

"Please, just go. I'm leaving tonight anyway, and I'd rather I didn't get caught and drag you down with me." He pulled away from her, wiping his eyes and going to pack more things away. Now that she understood that tonight was the night, she realised that his room was a mess because he was leaving.

"I don't want you to go on bad terms, Nik. What if something happens to you before we see each other again and we don't get a chance to work things out?" Desperation had crept into her voice now, but Y/n didn't care. Not when tomorrow she would be alone again. "Please, just talk to me, we'll figure this out."

He shook his head, shoving more things into the bag on his bed. He pulled on a thick jumper, ears popping out as it came over his head and hair somehow more tousled than it had been before. "There isn't anything to figure out. I want to go, and you want to stay. I was just doing damage control so that when I left it hurt less."

"This is hurting more, Nik, can't you see that? I've spent the last however many days thinking that you hate me because you won't even talk to me, let alone look at me! You might think that what you did was better, but it's not, not in the slightest. Because now I'm scared that you'll just keep pushing me away, instead of helping fix this, and I don't want you to push me away!" He flinched as her voice rose, but she couldn't bring herself to care, not when she now had tears streaming down her cheeks and a lump in her throat at the idea that maybe he was just like all the other rich people, and she was just a charity case to him. She'd been stupid to trust him, to think that he was different, and when he didn't say anything, she huffed, suspicions confirmed. "Fine. Fine. But don't come running back to me the next time you're in Ketterdam because you want someone to be your friend, because I won't be there." She pulled her necklace out, chucking it on the bed. "Keep it, so that you can remember how badly you fucked this up every day you're out on the True Sea."

She was being bitter again, just like when they'd first met, but now she had good reason. She wanted him to have a reminder of her, and her necklace would be perfect. Nikolai was still silent, stood by his bed and staring blankly at the object she'd thrown his way, and when she closed the door behind her, the silver of it was glinting cruelly in the light of his lamp.

Part 2

[the-disaster-in-waiting]

The Seamstress & The Baker (Part II) (Peeta Mellark X Reader)

(Y/N) watched the screen standing beside the incredibly bewildered Katniss from Peeta's interview. Using the excuse of needing to check over Katniss’ dress had allowed her to ease her all the way to the front with them smiling at Peeta before he was shooed away for his interview. She turned to Katniss trying to calm her down from the anger shown on her face.

“Katniss please take a deep breath, Peeta is just trying to survive like you please” She put one hand gently onto Katniss’ shoulder calming her until Peeta showed his face, shoving away the kind gesture she marched over to Peeta throwing hum against a wall her arm used to choke him.

“What the hell was that?, you don’t talk to me, and then you say you have a crush on me?” Katniss was dangerously close to his face (Y/N) thought she might bite his head off. Running over she put an arm between the two.

“Katniss Calm Down” (Y/N) hadn’t noticed Haymitch, Effie, Portia and Cinna approaching the scene, Haymitch grabbed Katniss and physically removed her from Peeta as Effie and Portia looked over Peeta. Haymitch, Cinna and (Y/N) chidded Katniss on her attack.

“It was startling ok? give Katniss a break, you do not have time to take it back so keep going and use this to your benefit” (Y/N) defended playing both sides thinking Peeta would have at least told someone of the plans.

“And when did Capitol citizens care?” Haymitch spat at the young seamstress.

“Sorry did you not see what just happened I am just trying to help” Cinna stepped in taking over (Y/N)’s piece.

“She has a point we sell this as star crossed lovers doomed due to the circumstances”

“Yeah I can sell that but both of you-’ Haymitch pointed to both tributes who looked down in shame at the scolding ‘-Tell me next time you decide to try and destroy any chances of gaining any sponsors”

“We are Not star crossed lovers, he made me look weak in front of the capitol”

“It’s a tv show, and you know what maybe in your case this'll help soften your edges” Haymitch looked at Peetas downtrodden face tired and not in the mood for more of the tiring conversation, he looked to Portia.

“You go take him, maybe I can get both of you back tomorrow in one piece-’ he looked back to (Y/N) who looked to be trying to leave with Peeta ‘-and what are you doing here?”.

“Manners” Effie chidded embarrassed to be stood in the same room with the man who couldn't keep his mouth polite.

“I am trying to help you may not believe me but I care” Cinna cut her off knowing who she was.

“She's the seamstress for district 12 tributes. She does well, let's not antagonize those helping us” Katniss looked over at her.

“But why are you here?”

“I promised Peeta I would be here” She walked away from the tribute and her team only looking back to finish one last piece of her mind.

“And if there is anyone you want to blame it is me. I gave Peeta the idea” She finished quickly before disappearing up the steps far from where their eyes could catch her.

Peeta laid in his bed awake, unable to sleep. Were all beds in the capitol so soft and comfy? Not riddled with lumps and wood poking into you? The blankets thick and warm? Not barely covering you from the cold?

He tossed and turned unable to shut his mind off from thoughts of his family. Were they missing him? Did they feel shame that none volunteered for him? Or did they all sit around the dinner table happy at one less mouth to feed all laughing over his foolishness and face as he was dragged away to the train?.

Unable to rest Peeta stood again walking around. It wasn't very late yet but then again you couldn’t tell time as well in the Capitol as in District 12. In District 12 the night sky would cover all and no one could hide from the fact it was night but with all the lights that shone 24/7 one would only need to cover their watches and it could still be noon for all they’d care.

It was like magnetism and an auto GPS worked on him pulling him back to where he’d always hid when the dark thoughts fell into him again.

She was almost always here. It seemed almost comical if it weren't so sad. While she sewed her brain would play fantastical stories in her mind. A story where the young girl didn't have to sell herself for the very common privilege to learn. Where each day she wouldn't trudge home feeling less than she’d wished, scared if the money she’d made would keep them in the capitol or not. Would the very privilege of being a seamstress for the games protect her?.

“Hey” Peeta always stood by the door when he’d come down there. Waiting for the verification that she was the only one and all others had abandoned their works. 

“Hey yourself loverboy” She smirked, still facing away as he approached more clever taunts on her tongue but unsure if he was able to handle them now.

“How are you after the tongue lashings from Haymitch”

“He told me not to listen to you anymore”

“Oh well I can expect that I do not think he found my company all too appealing” She turned to him quickly as he slumped into that one chair he always would. It was practically tattooed by his body at this point. A chair designated only for the tributes to relax as seamstresses and tailors fitted shoes and gloves.

Sitting across from him in another tribute chair she made herself comfortable before focussing on Peeta's eyes, bloodshot, tired, red eyes she could tell the signs. After all she’d see them in herself each night after working in the sewing rooms.

“Why so glum?”

“Wouldn’t you be? pretty soon I will go in to fight and probably die in some stupid game and all anyone will remember is the boy with a crush on the girl who will probably win” He chuckled like it was a funny little joke and not the life he lived.

“You do not know that Peeta, life is full of surprises. Do not give up before you even try.”

“You know I stopped hanging around Katniss? I couldn’t face her knowing she’ll probably win. I thought it was better to ignore everything and focus on my death” before Peeta could continue (Y/N) cut him off.

“That is your mistake Peeta you are both scared please help each other help yourselves staying alone it will only make things harder when you see her in the game. Do yourself a favor and do what you want and do not regret the time you have” Her words were bitter in their own way almost as if she talked to herself regret lacing her own words.

“Why are you so… You?” Peeta hadn’t met a capitol person like her yet. She always used her words carefully, poised and polite, never using contractions unless necessary.

“I wanted to be a teacher” (Y/N) looked around at her surroundings not at all the classroom she imagined to stand in someday.

“My father. He was an incredible seamstress in the games but last year he… his fingers wouldn't work how they used to so I took over and due to my inexperience they put me in District 12… My father. He made amazing pieces working with many stylists. He was a jewel of District 4”. Her eyes glossed at the memories her home always filled with the noise of a sewing machine on, fabric scraps littering the floor and empty thread spools overflowing in the bins.

“Is he proud of you? For abandoning your dreams and continuing his?”

“I had no choice in my dream. It was this or be sent to live in a district. We would no longer be useful. But I still learn. my age means they let me study when my work is finished”

“Maybe one day if I’m the victor I could come and learn from you see just how good your lessons will be” Peeta smiled at (Y/N) bashfulness at her dream of being a teacher.

“I would like that Peeta”

[ramona-quinn]

It Takes a Hotel to Raise a Cub

Chapter 3 - Something That Can Help

Plot: Crymini gets her hand patched up, and Charlie discovers a treatment plan that can help her.

Content Warning: Mention of physical/corporal punishment, mention of abuse, trauma, injury, outburst of anger

Once Husk and Angel arrived at the hotel infirmary, the spider set Crymini down on one of the beds.

“Alright, lemme take a look,” Vaggie said.

“Can I fix Crymini’s hand?” Niffty asked eagerly. “Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I?”

“Uh… well, you can hand me the supplies I need.”

“Okay!”

Niffty sped off to grab the first-aid kit while Vaggie carefully removed the glove from Crymini’s paw. The cyclops quickly returned with the first-aid kit in her arms.

Vaggie got to work patching up the hyena’s paw. Crymini sat there in silence. She knew that she was probably going to be in huge trouble for the stunt she pulled, but she didn’t care. She was used to being punished at this point.

“Alright, I fixed it up for you,” Vaggie spoke after bandaging Crymini’s hand. “You’ve gotta quit getting yourself hurt.”

Crymini rolled her eyes as she pulled her hand away.

“Gee, not even a thank you?”

“Want a sticker or a lollipop?” Niffty offered as she held up a box of colorful stickers and Dum-Dum suckers.

“No, how old do you think I am? Five?” Crymini scoffed.

“Okay, more for me! I can use them for my bug traps!”

Niffty ran off while Charlie entered the room.

“Is Crymini going to be alright?” Charlie asked.

“Yeah, she’s gonna be fine. The cut wasn’t deep, and the bleeding stopped,” Vaggie responded.

“Crymini, why’d you sneak off like that?” Angel questioned. “We didn’t know where you were. You could’ve gotten yourself more hurt than you already are!”

“And why would you steal alcohol from the bar?” Husk added sternly. “You know that you’re not old enough to be drinking.”

No response came out of Crymini’s mouth. She stared at the floor as the grown-ups continued lecturing her about the dangers of what she did, about how underage drinking was dangerous, along with sneaking out of the hotel. God, this was bringing the hyena back. She felt uneasy. Her heart began to race. Her body started to tense up. She could feel herself getting angry and overwhelmed. She was sick of being bitched at.

“I get it…” Crymini grumbled.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Husk asked.

“I said I get it!”

“Excuse me, we’re not gonna have you talking to any of us like that.”

“We’re trying to help you get better,” Angel scolded.

“You guys aren’t my parents! Why should I have to fucking listen to any of you, anyway?” Crymini yelled.

The hyena got up from the infirmary bed and then stormed upstairs, not before punching a hole through the wall with her non-injured hand.

Charlie, Vaggie, Angel, and Husk stared at each other, thinking to themselves “What the hell just happened?”

“Maybe I need to go talk to Crymini,” Charlie said as she started to leave, only for Vaggie to stop her.

“Why don’t we just let her cool off?” Vaggie suggested. “You can’t reason with someone when their temper’s at an all-time high.”

“But she looked so upset.”

“I know, we all know. However, sometimes, you just need to let people simmer down for a while.”

“Alright, but I wish I could at least talk to her,” Charlie sighed sadly. “I’ll get Niffty to patch up the wall.”

When Charlie and Vaggie walked out of the room, Husk and Angel were still speechless. They looked at each other again, not sure of how to react or respond to what happened in the last hour.

Meanwhile, Crymini slammed the door behind her once she reached her bedroom. She didn’t feel sorry about what she did. She was tired of getting pushed around like a child. She was tired of these childish redemption exercises. She was tired of everything. However, her stomach began to turn once her mind began to imagine the worst, once again thinking of the possible consequences she might receive after all the trouble she caused. She wouldn’t be surprised if the hotel had corporal punishment as discipline. Crymini then slid down the door and curled up into a ball. Why did she have to make everyone around her so frustrated with her? Why can’t she just go back in time and redo everything? She didn’t choose this life of suffering, but she deserved it. After all, it was her fault for making God angry.

—————————

Charlie was looking through her files in the office, trying to figure out a solution for Crymini. She couldn’t help but mentally replay what happened today, nor figure out why the hyena had been so callous ever since her first day at the hotel. Charlie made a promise to help all the sinners in need, but she nor the hotel has ever dealt with someone so stubborn and defiant. Well, Angel was stubborn and defiant when he first joined the hotel. However, he at least participated in the redemption exercises. Where was the anger coming from, and why was Crymini so mad and reclusive? If only there was a way to help the hyena…

“Honey, Husk and Angel are here,” Vaggie said as she walked in, interrupting Charile’s train of thought. “They want to discuss something.”

“Oh, they do? Sure, they can come in,” Charlie nodded.

Vaggie opened the door, allowing Husk and Angel to step inside the office.

“Hey, guys! I’m glad you could make it,” Charlie greeted as Husk and Angel took their seats. “So, what’s going on?”

“It’s about Crymini,” Angel said.

“You guys have been thinking about her, too?”

“Yeah, Angel and I talked a bit at the bar and wondered what we could do,” Husk said.

“Crymini’s been hurting herself in more ways than one,” Angel added. “She’s… unfortunately, she’s starting to become kinda like me in a way…”

Husk patted Angel’s shoulder sympathetically.

“There’s gotta be a way for Crymini to stop self-destructing…” Charlie rubbed her chin as she heard a knock on the main door downstairs. “Excuse me for a moment, guys.”

Charlie went downstairs and opened the door. She looked down and spotted a bunch of letters scattered across the ground. Knowing Hell, it doesn’t always have great postal service.

“Huh, looks like the mail came,” the princess said as she scanned through the envelopes. She then paused once she saw a light purple one, which was addressed from a therapist named “Dr. Lullabi” from the Sloth Ring. She opened the envelope and noticed a letter, along with a pamphlet inside. She scanned through the letter and found something interesting.

“Hey, whatcha got?” Vaggie asked as she came downstairs.

“I think I found something that can help Crymini.”

—————————

Crymini was scrolling through her phone, looking through her photos of her and Raven and Ash. She then heard a knock on her door.

“Hey, Crymini. Charlie wants you in her office,” Vaggie said from the other side.

Crymini’s stomach dropped. She knew that she was going to be punished for what happened today.

“Tell her I’m not here,” the hyena responded.

“She said it’s important.”

“If it’s another one of those redemption exercises, I’m not interested.”

“It’s not that, it’s a meeting, and Charlie needs you right away.”

Knowing there was no way out of this, Crymini groaned as she got up and walked with Vaggie to Charlie’s office. On the way there, the hyena tried to keep her cool, pretending to still have her I-don’t-care attitude. However, on the inside, she couldn’t help but feel that familiar feeling of anxiety. If only she hadn’t snuck off and isolated herself… if only she hadn’t had such a bad attitude… if only she…

“Hey, we’re here,” Vaggie said as she opened the door.

Crymini stepped inside the office, and her eyes widened when she saw Angel and Husk with Charlie.

“What’s going on? An intervention or something?” Crymini questioned as she took a seat.

“Not an intervention, per se, but it’s a special kind of redemption exercise for you,” Charlie said. “Before we talk about it, we should talk about your behavior here at the hotel. We’ve noticed that you’ve been excluding yourself from the activities provided, and you’ve been down on not only everything but yourself as well.”

Crymini just shrugged and rolled her eyes.

“Have you always felt this way here and on Earth when you were alive?”

Another shrug and eye roll.

“I guess my childhood was shitty… my family was shitty… lots of shame and hitting…” Crymini admitted.

“We’re sorry,” Charlie apologized. “You shouldn’t have been hurt by those who raised you, but your actions have shown how you’ve been possibly coping, and it’s not really healthy for you to live that way. Sneaking out, underage drinking, having a bad attitude…”

“I’m a grown-up like you guys,” Crymini rudely interrupted. “I died when I was nineteen, and I’ve been here for twenty-eight years.”

“But you’re stuck in the age that you died, so you’re still nineteen,” Husk pointed out.

“Oh my God…”

“Anyway, moving on,” Charlie said. “Instead of punishing you, Vaggie and I’ve talked with Husk and Angel and we decided for you to do a special redemption exercise.

Charlie pulled out a pamphlet and handed it to the hyena, who had a befuddled look when she saw the title “Age Regression and You” and the picture of Dr. Lullabi — a pastel-pink turtle demon — on the cover.

“The fuck is this?” Crymini questioned as she read the content inside the pamphlet.

“This is age regression,” Vaggie said. “Age regression is when your mind regresses to a younger mindset, and you’re sometimes taken care of by a caregiver or more.”

“What… what does all of this mean?”

“It means that your headspace can go back to the equivalence of a younger age, such as a kid or a toddler. Some people’s mindsets sometimes go back to as young as infancy. Some regressors — or littles — play with toys, watch cartoons, read children’s books, et cetera.”

Crymini was gobsmacked at that point. Does that mean…?

“Am… am I going to have to act like a baby?!” Crymini glared.

“Well, no, not per se, but this is more of giving yourself a second chance at childhood,” Charlie explained. “To let yourself be reparented, to—“

Crymini ripped the pamphlet in half and became pissed.

“Fuck no! You’re really going to pull the whole ‘act like a baby, get treated like one’ punishment on me, aren’t you?” the hyena yelled.

“Crymini, calm down. It’s not a punishment, we promise,” Angel reassured.

“Angel’s right. Age regression’s not a disciplinary action for what you did, but rather a treatment plan to help you cope and regulate your emotions better,” Charlie added. “You don’t have to regress to infancy or a toddler’s headspace. It’s your regression.”

Crymini groaned as she buried her face in her hands.

“And to add, Angel and Husk have agreed to be your caregivers,” Vaggie stated.

“What? Them? The drunk bartender and the porn star caring for me like I’m a kid all over again?” Crymini scoffed. “Why can’t you and the princess do it since it was your idea?”

“As much as Vaggie and I would love to care for you and your little self, we’re busy with the hotel and running the redemption exercises with the rest of the residents here,” Charlie said.

“Plus, Husk and I’ve had our fair share of struggling with unhealthy coping mechanisms,” Angel informed the hyena.

“We’re still helping each other out, and we’re gonna do the same for you,” Husk said.

Crymini rolled her eyes and slouched in her chair, hiding her face in the hood part of her hoodie. She really can’t fucking believe this. She’s really going to have to go through with being watched over like a fucking kid. She’s really going to have to be a baby… she’s going to probably have to relive her childhood… she felt fucking sick.

[taibobo]

🎉🎁🌺🍓🥭🐬🌿 aaand 🎨! :3

WOAW A LOT TYSM JULES!!!!! i'll do these with my ninjago self insert / all the ships he's in... since this is long asf i'll put it under the cut

🎉 - big celebrations or small gatherings ?

judas often prefers big celebrations... but not planning them LOL, he likes talking his way INTO parties, the bigger and more ostentatious the better. not only does he get to LARP as a rich person, but he also gets to scam actual rich people! win!

ronin and rapton are often his partners in crime to these, but during the time where he's with garmadon, he's so busy with work as a bartender (and also so in his 'straight and narrow era') that he doesn't even bother going to any at all

🎁 - expensive gifts or homemade gifts ?

EXPENSIVEEEEE!!!!!!!!! judas is about 2 steps removed from being a sugar baby sometimes and its only because he likes the active step of stealing things for himself. he will certainly never say no to something nabbed just for him though. this goes double for rapton, who he often sends on errands when he thinks a task is too much effort/beneath him but wants the reward of doing it anyway

🌺 - pomegranate metaphors or dog metaphors ?

i've said this before but DOG METAPHORS!!!!! with all my self ships in general but i think with judas's string of partners its even more obvious. truly a stray dog/stray dog type ship dynamic with all of these characters in various ways.

🍓 - fruits or veggies ?

judas is someone who is very conscious about what he eats (to a fault) so, while he probably had a big sweet tooth growing up, he's basically strangled his taste in food into what he wants it to be. he likes bitter vegetables a lot, and often douses them in acidic vinegars and spicy marinades to make them more palatable. not to say he doesn't like fruit though, he just prefers them more sour/tangy to actually sweet

🥭 - coffee or tea ?

usually tea, but while he's a bartender he starts getting really into coffee and heavier caffeinated drinks to help supplement his energy levels w/ his busy schedule.

🐬 - ocean or space ?

HMMM good question... i think probably space? judas (like me), has a general disdain (and possible fear) of open water, so he'd probably take anything over that. all of his partners find this extremely funny considering how flippant he is over peoples (much more rational) fears but then gets freaked out at the idea of swimming in a lake or at a beach

🌿 - best dressed or casual attire ?

BEST DRESSED ONLY. judas would literally rather go through CIA torture than be seen without at least some level of makeup and two shapewear garments. when he's bartending he starts slacking a little on his patrick bateman-level getting ready regime but that's when he also starts using his illusion powers more, so even when bartending he still basically looks like a model cosplaying as a minimum wage service worker. it's very bad for his health (physically and mentally) to do this, though

🎨 - painting date or pottery date ?

with ronin: painting date, but it would be like one of those tiktoks where you paint your partner and both of them just take the piss and draw really bad pictures of each other

with garmadon: pottery date. judas pretends like it's because he likes pottery more (lie), but in reality he knows that (at this point in the ninjago timeline) garmadon is a Potted Plant Enjoyer and he's too broke to buy him something and too embarrassed / emotionally constipated to make something of his own volition so they make pottery together and judas makes up an excuse about how he doesn't have space for the pot he made and it would look good in garmadon's apartment anyway so he should have it

with rapton: painting date where they get drunk and just start painting random bullshit in the desert

[egg-emperor]

It's true . In my experience most callout posts are made by bullies who want to utterly anhilate their victims and render them pariahs, modern day lepers that nobody wants to associate with. If the victim makes money via online commissions they are especially fucked since their livelihood is essentially destroyed by rumors/lies. After all nobody wants to commission from anyone who [insert nasty allegation here]

The victim becomes an acceptable target and thus the behaviour sometimes escalates into real world consequences such as doxxing the victim and contacting the victims school/employer to get them fired or expelled.

Yeah it's true a massive amount of callout style posts are disingenuous and deliberately malicious instead of intending to be helpful. Like 99%. Leaving out important info, twisting things to suit their narrative, making stuff up, or airing things that didn't need to be everyone's public business. So often it's really over not knowing how to privately communicate, or wanting it to go public to turn everyone else against them too and an excuse to bash publicly. This is most obvious when they keep building up more reasons to convince everyone to side with them, going from accusations of something petty and mild to serious crimes. Very slimy

There's also many cases where they'll pretend it's really a care and concern for people they might interact with and their actions when really it's all personal. They have a grudge and hate that person and will do anything to get others to hate and attack, ostracize, shame, and isolate them too. Sometimes over petty stuff like wanting everyone to dismiss everything they have to say or provide in a fandom or something, they think they can immediately "win" by saying "don't listen to them, they're *insert buzzword being used in a situation so far removed from its original context here* !!!!"

Which is so crazy and so scary that it's so normalized. It disgusts me that people will make such serious accusations against people all for selfish, disingenuous, malicious reasons where they don't even really apply. The way people are so quick to easily believe everything they're told even without an ounce of solid proof is just as concerning too. The former have a secret agenda to cause that person pain instead of helping others by "warning" about them, and the latter are either so blindly naive or also have a bias that makes them want to believe there's a "valid" reason to hate them. And they all like how they can feel superior and virtue signal

It's upsetting to see the targeted people's lives get ruined and horrific abuse they can face too. People will gleefully stoop to levels of putting them in harm's way to the point of physical danger irl and destroying their livelihood. As a believer of human rights, I don't think anyone should be treated some of the ways I've seen people treat people in hate campaigns, even if they were guilty. Including people that have hurt me directly and are guilty of something awful because of it, they're still human and have rights. I don't believe human rights should ever be revoked, that would set a harmful precedent

So I don't like seeing how people will act like it's a good thing in situations like callouts and act like no wrong can be done against someone, especially when they're innocent. But even if they're not, it discourages growth. Attacking and isolating someone doesn't teach or help them understand if they did something wrong. People can't violently force people to bend to their will, it won't be genuine. They have to give a chance to acknowledge, grow, and change if it really is necessary and beneficial. In fact, giving them a horrible time may just strengthen their current position because people were assholes or put them in genuine danger

I wish callout posts didn't turn into common things people make when they want personal fights and grudges to have an audience that joins them in attacking them, broadcast sensitive private things to everyone to humiliate, and act morally superior to invalidate their existence and virtue signal to others. It's watered down serious subjects and crimes and taken away all possible reliability or usefulness. It so often destroys way more than it helps, especially when so many innocent people are attacked too. They're rarely tools compared to how often they're weapons now and people need to be more careful and considerate before putting blind good faith into them

[del-stars]

People need to understand that just because Regulus ended up betraying Voldemort, that does not excuse his actions and the fact that he was a racist piece of shit. He betrayed Voldemort because Voldemort wasn’t holding up to his end of the bargain. In fact, if anything, Voldemort betrayed Regulus first. Just because Regulus got upset and decided to do his little teenage wizard angst arc does not excuse the fact that he was a racist, f@cist, pure blood supremacist who does not deserve redemption.

this is so funny to me because i am.... not a regulus defense blog? i don't really post often about regulus (outside of my wip, which is an au and thus has nothing to do with anything you've just said). i think there's a anti regulus/jegulus anon who's been blindly sending hate as you clearly haven't scrolled through my blog but as i've been sick in bed for three days now and am thus bored out of my mind, let's write an essay :)

re: regulus being a DE, i quite literally do not disagree with you. regulus, to me, is at his most compelling when we consider all aspects of his canon storyline, including the fact that he worshipped voldemort. i find it really bland when he gets given sirius' storyline or is reduced to "my parents forced me to do this" because we know (again, canonically) that they didn't. it's interesting to have a character who made mistakes, and (considering my self-proclaimed bias in favor of all things sirius black) it's really just boring to remove all nuance from his and sirius' stories to just make them essentially identical.

in regard to voldemort betraying regulus first, i'm actually laughing because i have a big rant about this that i saved in my drafts last night wherein i, once again, do not disagree with you. the tl;dr of that was regulus probably felt betrayed upon discovering that voldemort was a half-blood (looove to imagine this was what he meant by 'your secret') who had disrespected what he considered his personal property. regulus, who had been forced to be #2 his entire life, was operating under someone he considered fundamentally less than, which he deemed unacceptable. again, we will literally never know the truth on this, because we're given such little detail in canon, so people can go whichever way they want.

but, in his defense, he was sixteen. apologies to all my sixteen year old followers, but your brain is quite literally not formed. you're in no place to make informed decisions about anything. and, if you've lived an incredibly sheltered life in which you've constantly seen someone physically abused and belittled, and then you're told "as long as you don't act like him, you won't end up like that," you're probably ripe for manipulation and radicalisation. regulus was heralded as the perfect son for being in slytherin and being a pureblood supremacist, and he knew the danger of disobeying his parents. so, yeah, he probably took it a little too far.

does this mean regulus was right in what he did? well, no. did he do the right thing in the end? maybe/kinda. did he die a misguided, sheltered child, and thus we have no real perception of the choices he would've made were he an informed human being? yes.

i think calling him a racist/f@cist is a very.... interesting choice, but i'll save that essay for another day. i don't think those terms are things we should be throwing around in fandom.

to conclude, i offer one sage piece of advice: touch grass. take an internet break. go for a walk. he isn't real. he's made-up. all of this is. you don't need to interact with it if you don't want to. scroll. block the tag. again, i hold some relatively controversial regulus opinions myself, but i happily scroll on when i see things i don't agree with. policing the marauders fandom is a slippery slope. you can think regulus stans are annoying/incorrect, but you cannot tell them to stop theorising on a character, because that is what this fandom is built on. if we stop encouraging one another to brainstorm about new characters, this fandom is going to become a very boring place to be.

[rumpocky]

I am going to go over this again, and if you peek around online, you'll notice, other trans people are beginning to mirror me.

One: Trans real. Do not warp my words for yourselves after this.

Two: The prior word, transexual, illustrated the concept of someone who's physical sex was in discord with an internal experience that made their brains read, summarily, like the opposite sex. This was discussed as Dysphoria.

Three: The nature of dysphoria was generally pranced around "feeling like you're in the wrong body" was the general term. I'm going to give you a hint, while it has multiple parts, the general part is that your brain tends to think you have the opposite genitals, disrupting your sex life, relationships and more-- but also exhibiting personality traits and other skills generally expected of the "opposite."

Four: A little over a decade ago, it was mandated this term be changed, for the sake of a rising political science argument's "inclusion."; this was, as we know, a feminist theory involving the nature of gender as a social construct within society, such as roles performed or expressed externally.

This is not the same conversation.

This was also a paid for, purchased swing.

Five: The original paper writer doesn't even agree with its use or spread.

Six: This is when other terms were entered or replaced. For example, androgyne suddenly became offensive (while still used for words like "androgynous" without issue) and replaced with nonbinary. Computer terms. No gender, just 0, 1 and alternate. But gender, totally very gender, and very feminist, while removing the woman of it.

Seven: A group of incredibly corrupt people as far back as Musk's father had visions of a technocracy that would merge to Zion/Israel's planning. They, having purchased a great deal of the US more or less in a political and capitalistic level, banking et al, quite literally spent DECADES designing a plan to make you surrender to brainchips and control and anything involving identity or individuality.

Eight: Once the political science argument entered the conversation, the moralization continued to drown out the nature of original core trans issues. Scary accusing words for "not including" someone were involved. The conversation went backwards. We basically forgot what made trans people trans, because that would offend the people here for the political argument of it.

Nine: The political argument political arguments. Everything is put in extremes. People who can leave external gender expression like a convenience bag at the door while moralizing out the original community's phantom boners scream every issue to the top based mostly on personal imagination and delusion until the original trans population becomes a target.

Ten: Nothing means anything, because the original issues are Bad Now and you've basically extincted the base population, but none of you can say what the social role you're performing is without offending the next person in the gender conversation line.

Eleven: Kids grow up in this environment and are, in fact, introduced to it very early now. We say it's for inclusion, but we give neither the meaningful sex ed about the dysphoria at age nor any kind of learning bracket about the social roles, leading to absolute crashout girl/boy failures.

Twelve: At work I watch extremely mentally unstable people scream they want to be trans--not that they are, but want to be. I watch things I literally am not allowed to give any sense to correct as these people utterly spin out, because the gender didn't give them the answer. The external social excuse hasn't helped, and hasn't fixed things.

Thirteen: Kids now have no idea what gender means. We say transmasc/transfemme but now there's like 300 genders that mean nothing. We all have infinite gender (and gender is, in fact, an old axiom) based on the gradient of that but now everybody's invented so many Personal Attention For Me labels that it's literally become the group chat joke that it means nothing, and yet people don't see it and keep doing it.

Fourteen: kids are so desperate for self expression moralized into extremes that the approved gender bag makes it everything, and the ads everywhere saying that dressing any given way is a gender expression only further reinforces the conceptual social gender roles without in any way providing something like dysphoria relief.

Fifteen: People fight about other kinds of dysphoria but these are almost always, without fail, some sort of trauma, repression, or other thing, such as a sexual abuse victim feeling detached from femininity, and not wanting to be in any way attractive.

Sixteen: and you're gonna hang me for this: A huge wave of gender mutilation. Because there's two forms of transmasc transition, and people with zero dysphoria quite literally cut up and down their clit while receiving no actual function, because it either wasn't important to them, or was diminished in importance to them by purity police, in favor of a half functional cosmetic. So, either it's a trauma of mangling or someone getting the wrong service because the conversation has been confused.

Seventeen: This also turns into unaddressed trauma about men, masculinity; it is self-deluded as fighting the patriarchy any time a slightly strong willed man is encountered, and even a strong trans ally male will be attacked ruthlessly if someone is made Uncomfortable, often while reconfirming their trauma to use as an excuse to enable the battering ram, while simultaneously destabilizing a small minority for an infinite spectrum of your personal horse shit trauma.

Eighteen: Now, you're all left holding the bag where if you acknowledge this, you really, REALLY fucked up somewhere.

I'm fixing it.

There will be negotiating.

And we will be removing this noise of yours over the next few years.

You're going to learn to recover from your trauma and express yourselves in healthy ways without using the trans community as an excuse anymore. We're not your body shields for your personal insecurity.

BYE BYE ISRAEL

[disgustedorite]

you sound like a serial killer because of the clear unhealthy obsession you have with this person you have claimed to love but also have revealed they don't want you around them or talking about them. why not use their name then? you sound like an ex boyfriend that doesn't get the hint his girlfriend wants him to leave her tf alone, stop sending flowers, stop talking about them then he shows up on her porch and stabs her to death then blames his autism on it bc 'he had no control uwu'. get therapy. stop obsessing over this person. really even wishing them a happy birthday? do you think they want that?

That's not what it was like. That's not what "no control" was with us. And I'm not sending him anything. We agreed to no contact unless he contacts me first, and I'm respecting that. I also care about him and I genuinely wanted him to have a happy birthday, and I also know he still reads my blog out of paranoia and thought something positive would quell any chance of a paranoid theory that I was gonna try to ruin his birthday (which would subsequently actually ruin his birthday). Please don't misinterpret it as creep behavior :(

Autism can't cause someone to just show up at someone's house and stab them. And if you think that's the kind of thing I'm talking about when I refer to my meltdowns, trust me it isn't. I can't think of any scenario where someone could even be capable of taking such a complex action during a meltdown because of how much it fucks with your senses and how many opportunities there are to become separated from the triggering stimulus on the way to someone's house, if you're able to focus enough to even travel there. The closest plausible scenario where autism itself could actually cause someone to stab their girlfriend might be showing up at her house without murderous intent, having a meltdown after arriving and while happening to be holding a knife (like for eating), and lashing out upon being touched. And I think most people would be highly remorseful if they ended up in that situation, not trying to excuse it.

What I refer to when I talk about not having control over my body, and what I actually experienced, was ultimately harmful to me, not to [redacted] (at least physically). It was a meltdown. I'm one of those people who does sensory seeking instead of avoidance, think like those autistic kids you might see banging their heads on the walls or biting their own hands. I have learned that I do something a fair bit more, uh, humiliating. It's technically my own actions, but they're involuntary and have clear triggers...and like all meltdowns, they last until the offending stimulus is removed. I told him what was happening because it was freaking me out, especially because I didn't realize it was a meltdown at the time so I had no idea what was going on. I figured out it was being triggered by something he was doing though, so I tried to put up boundaries on that basis. The ignorance of said boundaries and repeated incidents often lasting hours and even resulting in actual physical injury is why I felt violated. I would have still felt violated if it was a less humiliating sensory seeking behavior too, like if his threats and aggressive tirades made me chew up my hands until they bled instead...hell, even if I did sensory avoidance instead, triggering my meltdowns after I put up boundaries was still kinda a violation. I guess it's...not really fully on him though, since apparently what he was doing that triggered my meltdowns...were his own meltdowns...which I suppose also explains why he couldn't respect my boundaries...but what I went through was still traumatic and still caused me physical harm. The comparison to using autism as an excuse for murder is genuinely offensive, not to mention completely undescriptive of what happened.

I'm sorry that going through that and being harassed for opening up about it for over two years has affected me so much that it's hard for me to move on. I'll try to get therapy but I think my therapist is gonna be more focused on helping me avoid being taken advantage of because of what happens during my meltdowns than on making me less obsessed, because randomly being put in an altered mental state at any time where I can't consent to sex yet simultaneously seek sexual contact like a drunk girl at a party with the added bonus of biting and screaming is a far more pressing issue.