#just give me the sexy vampire shenanigans

[vanilla0chinchilla]

I still really like LuciferxLilithxMiriam, but I'm also really into ZestialxCarmillaxMiriam. I'm really into both of these, but I have no one to talk with them about, so I'm such thinking up elaborate scenarios while listening to music. Why must I love this silly demon show, and Miriam so much?

[feyhunter78]

kinktober request: 2, 12, 22, 24, & 31 with miguel? sorry there’s so many but i just had the idea of a college!au where reader goes to a halloween party and miguel goes, too, because they’re kind of friends (maybe miguel always thought she was cute but then he tutored her for a class and they started to become close as a result?) & he likes her and wants to make sure she’s safe but reader has a mask kink & also has a huge crush on him so she finds it super hard to be around him when he’s wearing his costume and spends most of the night hiding from him & eventually he corners her and finds out why she’s been running & shenanigans ensue 👀

This was such a cute and fun idea!!!! I am making a new rule though, y'all can only request 3 or fewer numbers bc I'm not, and I did not fit all those into a one-shot💀 (I did throw in a hint of breeding kink at the end there for you though nonnie)

Meg's Kinktober - College!Miguel + #12, 18, 24 Mask kink, AU & Costume/Lingerie

You like Miguel, you’ve always liked Miguel, since the day your chemistry professor suggested Miguel tutor you. Dr. Alice was a romantic at heart, you swear, or maybe she saw you staring dreamily at the back of Miguel’s head instead of paying attention to her lectures. Either way, your grades improved, but your hopeless crush on Miguel did not.

You can’t say you regret coming to your best friend’s boyfriend’s roommate’s costume party, but you don’t not regret it. You’re having a fun time, you look hot, the music surprisingly doesn’t suck, there are snacks, and the drinks don’t have an overwhelming taste of alcohol that chokes you with every sip. But Miguel is here. You didn’t even know he knew Josh, and yet there he was, dressed as Spiderman. The mask attached to his costume is off at the moment, hanging from the back of his neck, which gives you at least a bit of relief.

He spots you, smiles and waves, making his way over to you. You hold your red solo cup tighter, painting on a smile and preparing yourself for Miguel to tower over you as he talks about something…usually you lose track of what he’s saying and just stare into his eyes.

“Y/N, nice costume, sexy vampire, a classic.” His eyes drag up your figure in a way that surprisingly doesn’t feel gross? It’s like he’s admiring you, not sizing you up or undressing you with his eyes.

“You know me, I love a classic costume.” Also, it was cheap and easy, your favorite kind of costume.

“Classic costume for a classic lady, I like it.” He says. His hands are covered by his costume, it’s a bodysuit, you can tell that now, see every outline of his abs and biceps. You dare not trail your eyes lower, already feeling your face heat up.

“And you went for Spiderman, like every other guy at this party.” You say, taking a sip of your drink for courage.

He smiles sheepishly. “Guess the movie was pretty popular.”

“Guess so.” You echo, wishing your best friend would come and drag you away before you burst into flames.

“Wait, you haven’t even seen the full thing yet.” He smiles, it’s charming, excited, devastatingly handsome, then he pulls the mask over his face.

You freeze, staring up at him, trying to swallow, but your throat is as dry as the Sahara. Taking a long swig of your drink, you clear your throat and nod. “Looks great, I like it.”

“It’s pretty cool, huh?” Miguel asks, flexing and posing in a bunch of obnoxious ways that make you laugh to keep him from noticing how your eyes follow the lines of his muscles hungrily.

“I—I have to go find my friend; I’ll see you later, Miguel.” You tell him, before dashing off, frantically searching for your best friend, so you can scream about how hot Miguel is, and how you’re going to die if you don’t leave right now.

You finally find her, and she calms you down, gets you another drink, ropes you into playing some random drinking game, sufficiently distracts you until she’s pulled away by her boyfriend. Then you’re alone, acting like a crazy person, dodging Miguel, hiding from him, and flat out acting like you don’t hear him calling your name.

It’s after you come out of the bathroom—all the drinks and snacks really ate at your dark lipstick—that he finds you.

The hallway is dark, a small nightlight at the end, multicolored lights from the party at the other. It’s quieter here, the music a bit muffled, no one screaming or talking.

“Found you.” He says that stupid mask still on, his arms caging you in, your back to the wall.

“Hey Miguel.” You say awkwardly, smiling up at him as you try to figure out a way to escape him.

“I’ve been looking all over for you, cariño, thought you might’ve gone home.”

You shake your head. “Me? No, I’m a certified party girl.”

You can’t see his face, but you know he’s giving you that look, the one that means he knows you’re lying.

“So why haven’t I seen you around then?” He asks, his voice has a slight rasp to it, you assume from yelling over the music to be heard.

“I’ve just been busy, visiting with other people.”

He dips his head down. “Too busy for me? I’m hurt.”

You roll your eyes. “Okay, Mr. Popular, I’m sure you were standing in the corner all by your lonesome because you couldn’t find me.”

“All the corners were taken, too many people making out.” He says flippantly, humor coloring his tone.

“That’s too bad, I was meaning to go stand in one like a creep later.” You joke, relaxing slightly when Miguel lets one arm drop from the wall to adjust his mask.

“We could share one?” Miguel offers.

“Then we’d have to make out. Come on Miguel, it’s like a rule, and I don’t think either of us want to do tha—”

Miguel’s free hand tilting your chin up stops you.

You look at his eyes, or where his eyes should be, behind the mask. “Miguel?”

“Who said I didn’t want to kiss you?” He says, voice low, soft, heated.

It sends a shiver down your spine, heat pulsing down to your core, and you blink owlishly at him. “Oh, I just thought, um…”

He pushes the mask up, only enough to expose the lower half of his face, and leans further down ghosting his lips over yours. “You just thought what? That I wouldn’t want to kiss you, that I don’t dream of hearing my name fall from your lips as I feel every inch of you with my hands, with my tongue if I’m lucky?”

He looks so good, the red of his mask highlighting the vibrancy of his tanned skin, his muscles so clearly defined by the skintight fabric.

“No, I didn’t think you did.” You admit breathlessly, tilting your head even further up to meet his lips.

It’s an explosion, a dance, a drug, and you want more. You loop your arms around his neck and pull him closer.

Miguel responds in kind, his large hands grabbing your thighs and hoisting you up, foot nudging the bathroom door open.

It’s even quieter in here, and you can hear the sound of the lock being turned, before Miguel’s lips descend down your neck. He sets you on the sink, cool marble against your skin, one hand groping your breasts, the other slipping between your legs to toy with your clit, his teeth nipping at your throat.

“I thought I was the vampire.” You joke weakly, eyes fluttering shut when Miguel yanks your legs further apart, slotting himself between them, his cock hard against you.

“You can be whatever you want as long as I can be inside you.” He groans, his skilled fingers tugging at your nipples, twisting, plucking, brushing until you’re squirming against him.

“Okay, okay, yeah, fuck me, please Miguel.” You say, your hands anchoring themselves on his suit, fingers digging into the stretchy material.

He moves to rip off his mask, but you stop him.

“Leave it on.” You tell him quietly, core throbbing as he watches you, a smile toying at his lips.

Finally, he laughs and tugs the mask back in place. “Full of surprises, aren’t you?”

“Oh, is now not the right time to reveal I’m actually a chemistry genius?” You’re trying to be funny, trying to tease him, but it’s hard when the sound of his zipper is accompanied by a low groan and the feeling of his cock sliding past your entrance.

“You’re a genius chemist?” Miguel asks, his tone far more joking than yours as he slides fully in, his free hand on your lower back pushing you closer to him, ensuring you take every inch.

“Yeah, won prizes and everything.” You say, gasping when the tip of his cock brushes against your sensitive spot, your walls fluttering around him.

“Smart girl.” He says, before he pulls out and slams back in, wrapping your legs around his back, and slotting his lips against your own.

You melt into him, letting him fuck you rapid fire, thick cock dragging against your walls, tip bullying your sensitive spot, his tongue searching every inch of you, as his hands hold you in place.

“You’re so pretty, y/n, I’ve wanted this for so long.” Miguel’s voice is low, words breathed against your lips, moaned into your mouth. “Wanted to take you in the fucking lab, in your apartment, in the library.”

“The library?” You’re half horrified, half intrigued.

He shifts his hips, pushing you further against the mirror, his fingers back on your clit making you see stars. “Yeah, wanted to bend you over the table in the study rooms, keep my hand over your mouth so no one hears you. Maybe make you try some calculations with me between your legs, tongue stuffed in that pretty pussy of yours while you try to keep a straight face. Don’t want anyone to walk in on us, right?”

You moan at the images he’s placing in your mind, the adrenaline of keeping quiet, of biting your lip while Miguel eats you out like a five-course meal, rushing through your veins. “No, no, don’t want anyone to walk in.”

Miguel chuckles against your lips. “No, you’re too much of a goody two shoes for that, huh? My good little girl, letting me fuck you in the bathroom. Gonna let me eat you out? Finger you during lab while the TA’s not looking?”

“That would be so unsanitary.” You tell him, hips moving in time with his, chest heaving as the coil within you winds tighter and tighter, your skin scattered with pleasure, your mind turning to mush when Miguel bites down on your pulse point.

“You’re right, plus I don’t want anyone else seeing you like that, I want to be the only one seeing how pretty you look before you come, only one getting to hear you moan for me.” Miguel says all this so easily, not even breaking his stride as his hand shoots out, slams against the mirror, giving himself stability to piston into you.

You cling to him, head tucked into the crook of his neck, moaning and mewling for him, his name a constant chant on your lips.

“That’s it cariño, come for me, scream my name, let this whole party know who’s fucking you.” He urges, a renewed fervor in his thrusts in the way his lips attach to your neck, marking it with dark hickeys.

And you do, you finish hard, screaming his name, the sound barely muffled by his neck. Miguel finishes afterwards, pulling out and stroking himself, cum splattering in the sink. He turns the facet on quickly, and you make a face.

“You’d rather that go in you?” He asks, free hand pulling off the mask, his eyes searching yours.

You slide off the sink, legs wobbly, your hand shooting out to grab Miguel’s bicep for support. “Maybe.”

His eyes darken and he turns off the faucet. “Yeah? You up for a round two?”

Kinktober masterlist

Miguel TL: @miggyoharaswife, @badbishsblog, @imisshim2much, @wanderlustingcastaway, @lynn-9703, @sleepyamaya, @erensbbg, @sweetea85, @ilovemiguelohara, @natthernandez, @stxrrielle, @ihateuguys, @jenniferdixon05207, @blep-23, @minimari415, @emerald-09, @violet-19999, @kenchosaikuo, @groovycass, @youcantseem3, @lovefks, @nightshxdex, @dusstory, @munsonssecretblog, @kirke-is-my-name, @starbearieee, @chatoicboy, @needsleep3000, @witchy-lizard, @cxmeiloorun7, @justrandomlolidk, @chimpkinnuggies, @alicefallsintotherabbithole, @loser-alert, @wwwellacom, @ryantryan6969, @lollipopin, @youcantseem3, @a-cult-leader, @verexi, @purpleskiesandroses, @they2luv1naia, @sophiaj650, @idolautism, @rheannajrs, @merakiq, @rexs-wife, @sukaretto-n, @twilight-loveer, @f1shb0nez, @callsign-blue, @marcelineormars

[missacidburn928s-heathenhideaway]

We All Go A Little Mad Sometimes (Affinity Series)

Alpha!Bucky x Sweet Little Omega!POC!Reader x Alpha!Steve

Wordcount: 3990

Summary:

You celebrate your first Halloween together as a mated pack.

Warnings:

Gratuitous Smut, Smut, Shameless Smut, Halloween Costumes, Porn With Plot, Voyeurism, Pole Dancing, Lapdance, Lap Sex, Threesome, Double Penetration, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha Steve Rogers, Alpha Bucky Barnes, Mating Bond, Mating Bites

Notes:

Hello Heathens! It's time for some sexy Halloween shenanigans with our favorite pack! Happy Reading!

Bannner by @cafekitsune Divider by @firefly-graphics

Another year, another Halloween bash thrown by Tony at the compound. This year you had the added benefit of not one but two Alpha’s on your arm. Not to mention the lovely claim marks decorating your collarbone.

You couldn't be happier that the boys went along with your costume choices for the night. Preening over how sinfully handsome your Alpha’s looked. Both of them grew their hair out for the event. “Anything for our sweet little Omega.” They both stated upon your request. 

Bucky looked otherworldly dressed as a vampire, devilish fanged smirk and all. The contacts you purchased him turning his steel gaze, cold as ice. The subtle clenched jaw was even working in his favor.

Steve was almost unrecognizable. His blonde shaggy locks dyed brown and a full thick beard covered the lower half of his face. A couple well placed bloody cuts, dirtied up, torn clothing and a set of top and bottom fangs completed the werewolf ensemble. 

Then there was you. Dressed as Queen Akasha herself, sans the neck piece. You wanted to show off your claims, not hide them. It took some serious convincing and time on your knees for your Alphas to agree to let you wear the barely there costume. Based on the looks the three of you were receiving as you made your way through the crowd outside, it was well worth it. 

“I need a fucking drink. All these eyes on you are making me twitchy.” Bucky grounds out.

“Oh Sarg, they aren’t all on me.” You stop, turning your back to Steve as you face him, running your fingers down his Adam's apple. “I can practically see knees weakening watching your tall, dark, mysterious frame walk by.” 

You place a kiss to his chin and pivot to look up at Steve. “And you my dear Captain. You’re perplexing them all. Who knew America’s Golden boy could look so unruly.” You nip his Adam’s apple and head towards the bar inside, to gain some much needed warmth.

“I want to be angry, but for the life of me, I can’t think straight when she looks like that.” Steve states.

“Fucking little vixen.” Bucky shakes his head. “C’mon Stevie. Best not leave her alone too long. Trouble loves to follow her round.”

Drinks had been partaken, conversations shared and the party was starting to wind down. Only the team and those closest to them remain, congregating in the common room. As a joke, or maybe not, Tony had a stripper pole placed in the middle of the couches. 

The girls were curious as to your excitement at seeing the pole and you divulged that you used to choreograph for your sex worker friends for extra cash. “Plus it's a great workout in general. You really should give it a try.”

“You can’t tell us something like that and then not show us.” Wanda blurts out.

“I have to agree.” Nat nods along. “What level of routine were you choreographing for your friends? How do we know you’re not just trying to impress us with your words?”

With the rum still slightly running through your veins you had no qualms about educating them on your skills on the pole. “I know your goading me to get a free show but I really can’t back down from a challenge.” You smile devilishly. “Go ahead and take a seat, bring the men over too if you wish.”

“Oh I’m so game for this.” Maria exclaims, grabbing Wanda’s hand and pulling her toward the couches, currently occupied by Bruce, Clint, and Sam.

“Where’s the smoke?” Clint asks as the women take their seats.

“We’re about to get a lesson on how to work a stripper pole.” Nat explains.

“Yo!” Clint yells to Tony, Thor, Steve and Bucky at the bar. “We’re about to have some entertainment of the sexy variety. You might want to make your way over here.”

They all shrug and head over to the couches. Your Alpha’s noticing that you are not among the women sat waiting. A haunting beat begins playing as they spot you sauntering towards the pole. Almost recreating Akasha’s walk from the film. 

“Is she about to pole dance to Forsaken from Queen of the Damned, dressed as Queen of the Damned?” Sam questions.

“I have no idea what this Queen of the Damned is but I am most enjoying where this is going.” Thor imparts. “Once again Barnes, and not to now exclude you Rogers, I am very impressed by your Omega.”

“Shush. We’re trying to enjoy the show.” Nat hushes them. 

Unbeknownst to the team you could do this routine in you sleep. It’s one of your favorite go to's when your feeling yourself and need a little outlet. And yes you have taught your two best friends this routine for when they need to hit the pole as a side hustle. You even taught a class using a variation of this routine to bored housewives.

You can't help the way your body caresses and moves around the pole. As always the beat takes over you, turning you into a siren of the flesh. You're flawlessly doing sunwheels, corkscrews, and ballerina spins. Intermingled with inverted splits, a cross knee layback, and secretary sits. You’re sure to show off a bit of floor work as you perform an assisted shoulder stand down onto all fours, whipping your hair around as you sit back on your heels. You smile smugly at the girls' slack jawed faces before continuing on. 

Your boys are transfixed by how you have captivated the attention of everyone in the room. The prideful Alphas can’t help the satisfaction they feel knowing that you’re all theirs. Brazenly showing their marks to the world. They may have to put a pole up at home, make a whole naughty playroom for your enjoyment.

“Another!” Thor proclaims as you land on your feet and bow to the small applause of your super friends. 

“I always knew there was something you were hiding. That sweet face, so unassuming. No typical Omega could handle having one supersoldier Alpha, let alone two. Let me guess, you're proficient in lap dances as well?” A tipsy Tony inquires.

“But of course.” You smile mischievously at your Alphas. “Friday. Dim the lights and play Unholy by Sam Smith and Kim Petras.”

You confidently strut over to stand between Bucky’s legs as the lights lower and the song begins. Your hips bounce to the beat, sinking low, using his powerful thighs for balance, leaning forward into a body roll, pulling back until you're upright. 

You slowly lift your left leg into a standing leg extension, holding it for a moment before releasing it and straddling both of Alphas thighs with a cheeky giggle. You grab onto their shoulders, throwing your head back and quickly whipping your hair back and forth. Snapping back forward and throwing your hips up and back, bending over for all to see. 

You eye your Captain, as you spin on your heels, swaying your hips side you side you back up into his lap. You roll your body against his, running your right hand up the back of his neck, weaving your fingers in his silky locks and gently pulling as you grind your ass against the growing bulge in his jeans. 

“You’re playing a dangerous game, Omega.” He growls in your ear.

“Shhh, Captain. Just enjoy your dance, Alpha.” You tease.

“You're lucky you’re already mine, doll. Doing this with everyone watching, testing our patience.” He nips behind your ear. “Risky business. Making your Alpha’s want you so badly. Just look at Bucky.”

You turn your head, still working Steve over, as your eyes lock with the dilated pupils of Bucky's. You lick your lips and swallow as you feel your slick begin to soak through your thong.  

You feel Steve inhale, as Bucky’s nostrils flare, both clearly scenting your arousal. “Everyone out.” Bucky growls to the room.

“Excuse me, this is my compound.” Tony snaps back.

Ignoring him, your Alpha continues on. “You all have 30 secs to get the fuck out before your stuck watching Steve and I take our Omega apart.”

“I would quite enjoy viewing you ravage such an enticing Omega as I am not allowed to partake per your Midgardian customs.” Thor declares. “A shame really.”

You turn over to straddle Steve’s lap, continuing to dance, lost in the combined scent of your Alpha’s. “I don’t even think these two would notice right now.” Tony quips. 

Bucky leans in, gripping your chin. “That right ‘mega? You getting floaty already?” You subtly nod your head. “Want me to kick everyone out or do you want them to truly see who you belong to?”

“Depends on who’s staying.” You whisper out.

“Apparently just Thor and Tony” He quickly scans the room. “Everyone else seems to have found their way somewhere else.”

“Probably to go work out all the sexual tension you guys have been putting out.” Tony snarks.

“Most certainly. I saw Natasha practically dragging Bruce behind her.” Thor agrees with a chuckle.

You look up to see the room clear of everyone but the Demi God and the Billionaire Playboy. “What do you think Captain? An audience of two, okay with you?”

He nuzzles into your neck. “I don’t care either way. I just really need to have you squirming on my cock.”

“I need a verbal yes or no, Alpha.” You respond. “I’m not about to have you get all possessive and violent because someone other than Bucky is getting turned on watching you split me open.”

You feel the growl emanating from his chest deep in your core as he leans back and looks you in the eye. “Yes, Omega. They can watch how good you take my cock.”  

“You heard the man.” Bucky addresses the two men. “Don’t take this opportunity for granted.”

Zoning in on the Alpha you’re sat upon, you lean forward, running your hands through his shaggy hair, kissing him deeply. You're granted the taste of the whiskey and Asgaurdian liquor he’s been sipping throughout the night on his tongue. The scent of him around you combined with his current taste has you grinding your slick soaked thong all over the font of his pants. Making quite the mess. 

A devilish smile appears on his bearded face as he wraps his fist in your hair and pulls your head back. Forcing you to look him in the eyes. "Unzip my pants and pull me out." He quietly commands.

Without hesitation you undo his pants and pull out his thick length. Subconsciously licking your lips at the sight of his precum already leaking out of the tip. 

“Pull that flimsy piece of fabric to the side and sit on my cock, Omega." Eyes glazed over, hindbrain kicking in at the order you lift yourself up enough to pull your thong to the side, exposing your leaking slit. You place his tip at your entrance, sliding down onto his thickness, filling yourself up inch by inch. 

Hand still in your hair he pulls you down into a heated kiss, tilting his hips up as your pelvis’ meet, getting as deep as he can. Pulling away, he wraps a hand around your throat, groaning as you involuntarily clench around him. "Now be a good girl and hold on to my shoulders." 

Once your hands are securely placed, Steve begins to piston his hips up into you. Practically using your body like his own personal ‘rutlight’. You start to bounce along with him, meeting in the middle with a grind of your hips. 

His hand tightens around your throat, the sweet pressure muffling your screams as you notice cool metal fingers trail along your spine. "That's it Omega. Look so pretty taking your Alpha’s cock.” Bucky whispers in your ear. “Fuck. I bet you're squeezing his dick real good, huh, baby girl?"

You can feel yourself ready to explode, his words adding fuel to the fire. You feel more than see, his flesh hand traveling down your torso, stopping at your mound. He takes the opportunity to play with your clit, rubbing tight little circles against the sensitive nub. You bite your lip from the overwhelming sensations of being surrounded by your Alpha’s, right on the knife edge of control, rapidly hurtling towards the cliff of your climax. Not to mention the fact that you have an audience, witnessing your destruction. 

"Oh baby you're so close. Can feel your sweet little pussy trying to pop my knot.” Steve grits out. “Gonna cum all over my fat cock?" 

You moan and nod your head yes, lost in a haze of lust. "I can’t hear you, Omega. Use your words. Do. You. Want. To. Cum. On. Your. Alphas. Cock?" He punctuates with his thrusts.

"YES! Please, Alpha. Want to cum all over your cock. Want to make a mess just for you." You manage to whimper out.  

Bucky groans, nipping your shoulder. "There's our sweet ‘mega. Always so good for her Alphas." He increases the pressure and speed on your clit. Making your grind against Steve all the more. 

"Now! Cum for us right now, Omega. I want to feel this little tight pussy of yours clamping down on my dick like a vice." Steve commands, setting off your orgasm. Throwing your head back, you let out a deep guttural moan, writhing on his dick, as you ride out the climax.

Unwilling to knot you and have you stuck on this couch for who knows how long, but still needing to remind the room who you belong to, Steve removes his hand from your throat. Within seconds each Alpha has latched on to their respective marks and bit down, freshening up their claims.

Like the turning of a switch, you melt into Steve, losing yourself to the lovely feeling of Omegaspace. Floating in a haze of pheromones, enveloped in the safety of your Alpha’s arms. You could care less who was left in the room other than Steve and Bucky. 

“You can put your tongues back in your mouths now boys.” Steve addresses the awestruck duo frozen to their seats. “Thank goodness you didn't pull your dicks out at least.”

“I was tempted to.” Tony blurts out.

“If I had, I would not have been able to refrain myself from trying to partake in the festivities.” Thor confesses. 

“Been there.” Steve agrees with a chuckle. “Anyway, have fun getting rid of those, boys. We’re going to go knot our sweet little omega til she passes out. See ya in the morning.”

“You’re staying here?” Tony asks.

“There is no way in hell I can last til we get to our place before I knot her properly.” Bucky growls out. “So yeah, we're staying in our apartment here. That a problem?”

“Not at all. I'll have Friday double the soundproofing and warn Sam.” He squeaks out.

“Thanks Tony.” Steve responds, scooping you up and walking down the hall to the apartment they keep on the compound.

You're undressed and placed down on what you know to be Steve’s king sized bed, based on the scent wafting up from the sheets. You sense them on either side of you as you burrow your nose in the pillow beneath your head.

“Feeling good, Omega?” Bucky asks.

“Mmmhmm” You nod your head in response, opening up our eyes and catching the steel grays to your right.

“Need more? Or are you good for the night?” Steve queries.

“More. I know you both didn’t come.” You quirk a brow at them. “Can’t have that.”

“That right ‘mega?” Bucky teases.

“Yup.” You pop the ‘p’ for emphasis.

“Okay.” He caresses your chin. “Can’t disappoint our sweet little Omega now can we. What do you have in mind, babygirl?”

“I want to ride my Captain while you fuck my ass from behind Sarge.” You calmly state.

The supersoldiers let out simultaneous growls at your request. 

“I want to be stuffed full. Need you both to use me for your pleasure. Please.” You can’t help but pout as you plead for what you want.

Bucky runs his metal thumb across your bottom lip. “No need to pout, sweet ‘mega. You’ll get what you want. Stevie, toss me the lube I know you keep stocked in your nightstand. You heard what she wants. Let her ride you some more while I prep that glorious ass.”

You smile triumphantly as you throw a leg over Steve’s naked waist. Somehow you just now realized that you’re all undressed, naked flesh on full display. You tease his turgid length, re-coating him in the fresh slick leaking from your cunt until you feel the vibration of his growl against your thighs as he stills your hips with one of his massive hands. With the other, he grabs his dick, teasing your clit with the tip, pulling a whine from you that is cut short as he lines up and thrusts, sinking his cock deep inside you. 

Your head falls back and your spine arches as you push yourself up and undulate your hips, burying him even deeper. Your Alpha’s following your every move, entranced by the way you swivel and bounce, losing yourself in the ebb and flow of your own little private show being put on for their eyes only. 

Worked up and ready to be inside you himself, Bucky, having sufficiently lubed up his cock, climbs between Steve’s spread legs. Placing a hand to the middle of your spine he kisses up your throat until he reaches your ear.

“Be a good Omega and lean forward for me so I can join in on the fun. You don't look stuffed enough yet.” The cool palm in the middle of your back helps push you down until you're laying flush against Steve’s chest.

He then proceeds to run his lube covered fingers along your stretched out lips, gathering the slick that continues to pour out of you with one hand as the other grabs a cheek and spreads you out, exposing your puckered little hole. Running his coated fingers around your hole teasingly, slowly adding more pressure until he is able to get the first one, then two fingers inside you. Opening you up little by little, as you gently roll your hips back and forth, grinding down on the Alpha beneath you.

“You’re doing so good for me ‘mega. Gonna add another finger. Open you up a bit further so you can take me nice and deep. Want you to focus on how good my fingers feel.” Bucky instructs you.

He works his third finger into you and proceeds to scissor them all and open you up further until you can take them with ease and are a whimpering mess. As he pulls them out, you whine at the feeling of emptiness left behind. 

He grabs a cheek in each hand and spreads you out, signaling Steve to still your hips. Lining himself up he breaches your tight little hole. “Relax, ‘mega. Take a deep breath for me.”

You do as you're told and on your exhale your tight ring of muscle relaxes, allowing Bucky to sink right in. “Fuck. So tight. How ya feeling, Omega?”

“Full.” You moan out. 

“Good.” Bucky grits out.

That is the last thing you are able to comprehend, as they begin to pull out and thrust into you, never leaving you empty. As one retreats the other pushes in, playing you like a well strung violin. Pulling moans, whimpers and orgasms from you like notes on a page. Creating a sinful melody to feed their carnivorous appetites.

You can feel the haze of overwhelming pleasure start to take over your body. Your senses are so keyed up and overloaded, that it doesn't take long before you are crying out and clenching down on the cocks lodged inside you as you crest over the edge into a blissful climax. Head buried in Steve’s chest as tears begin to flow from your eyes at the overpowering ecstasy. 

“That’s it, Omega. Love it when you squeeze me so tight, trying to make me pop my knot, lock me in place.” He lifts your head from his chest and places a tender kiss to your forehead as they slow their thrusts, allowing you a moment of reprieve. 

He wipes a stray tear away with his thumb. “How are you feeling?” 

You’re just coherent enough to get out a few words. “So good. Need more. Want your knots.”

“I couldn't dream of denying her anything right now.” Bucky states.

Your pussy and ass squeeze around your Alphas, as you imagine being filled with their hot cum, causing them to start to lose their rhythm. Pounding into you erratically as they chase their own highs. 

“Fuck. That’s it ‘mega.” Steve grunts out. “Take my cock. I’m so fucking close. Gonna pop my knot and paint your insides white. Gonna lock you to me as you take every drop.” 

As Steve’s words hit your ears, you instinctively squeeze around Bucky, setting off a frenzied pace in the Alpha as they race to the finish line. 

“Fuck Steve, you make her clench around me like that again and her pussy wont be the only thing getting filled.” Bucky groans out.

Having them talk about filling you up like you're not even in the room is the spark that lights the match on the fire that is your impending orgasm. You detonate in a blaze of pleasure, almost blacking out from the sheer force of it, taking both of them along with you.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” Bucky loses it first, hips stuttering until they still, popped knot resting against the outside of your ring of muscle as he groans and empties his balls into your abused little hole. Gripping your ass cheeks so hard you're sure he left bruises behind.

As he slowly pulls out his still hard member, your hole clenching trying to pull him back in, Steve lifts his hips and lodges himself deeper into your cunt. He pulls you into an intense kiss just as his knot pops, making good on his promise, as he shoots rope after rope of his seed deep into your womb, coating your walls white, triggering a minor orgasm of your own. “Can’t get enough of filling you up. Especially when it sets you off again like that. Come on, ‘mega, milk your Alpha dry.”

He grips your hips, grinding your clit along his pelvis until you come one last time for him, biting down on his shoulder as you undulate against his chest. 

You feel cool metal and warm flesh dance along your spine as you come down from your final high. Removing your head from the crook of Steve’s you turn to look upon the satisfied face of your head Alpha.

“Hey there sweet Omega.” You smile at the softness in the rough Alpha’s voice. “You did so good, baby. Made your Alpha’s feel amazing.” 

You preen at the praise, cuddling closer to Steve’s chest. “So so good. Go ahead and rest, doll. You’ve earned it.” He whispers in your ear.

You’re starting to drift off, listening to your Alpha’s speak around you.

“You know, last year, I knew you had her locked on your knot while we watched Scream.” Steve confesses. “Even though you were trying to be quiet, I heard you going at it before I came out. Might have even gotten off to it so I wasnt coming into the room hot.” He chuckles.

“Steven!” You jolt upright, to smack him on this peck.

“You dirty fucking dog. Just couldn't help yourself could you?” Bucky shakes his head. “Bet that wasn't the last time you jerked it to us.”

“That night wasn't even the first.” He replies with a shit eating grin as he pulls you back down, locking you in his arms. “Certainly won't be the last.”

[eddievanhammettmunson]

New Masterlist

Authors note- hola my ghouls, goblins, and fellow gremlins. It has come to my attention that my old master list was broken and most of the links didn’t work. This new masterlist should have all working links and if it does not please let me know at any time. Some of my work did get lost or deleted from tumblr I’m not entirely sure so these are all the ones I could find. Thank you.

1. 10 things I hate about Eddie Munson - based on the movie 10 things I hate about you. With a 18+ ending 15k words

2. Sunflower Girl - when Eddie gets a new neighbor obsessed with flowers will a romance blossom? Fluff 5.8k words

3. Milkshakes Memories and Promises - after saving Eddie from the upside down you make him a promise you don’t intend to break. No matter the cost to you. 18+ 6.5k words

4. Rescue The Princess - when Eddie meets the new girl at the arcade he’s determined to impress her with his dungeon master level skills. 18+ 8.3k words

5. Butterflies Hairties and Faded lines - being friends with your drug dealer Eddie munson comes with all kinds of perks. But can you keep from crossing the line? 1.8k words

6. Timezone - rockstar Eddie misses his girl 18+ 3k words

7. Eddie Valentine - you hate Valentine’s Day. Eddie just wants to spend the day with you? How will it unfold? 18+ 4.8k words

8. The right medicine -TRIGGER WARNING mentions of drug abuse and drug use 18+ 5.5k words

9. Sticky situation - Eddie gets gum in his hair and you get it out. 1.5k words

10. Bad days, bad cars, happy stars - you’ve had probably one of the worst days you could have. But you have a munson boy, so can it really be that bad? 2.8k words

11. Falling like snow - you’ve never seen snow

And Eddie wants to make your first snowy experience special 2.4k words

12. Cops and crushes - 18++++ you thought being a cop would be a satisfying job to help the community. But when you finally realize it’s not what you wanted someone gives you the final push that makes you take the step to leave. 11.7k words

13. The Repair boy - After your dad needs his guitar fixed you meet a rather handsome repair boy. 5.2k words

14. Hallows Eve Original - 18++++ gore, smut. Visiting Eddie at the haunted house he works at on Halloween leads to an extremely eventful horrifying evening with your handsome vampire boyfriends. But are you sure you’ll survive to see the end of the night? (9k words).

15. Hallows Eve Alternate- 18++++ visiting your boyfriend at the haunted house he works at leads to some sexy spooky shenanigans 4.5k words

17. What do you see - fluff- you and Eddie discuss a future together after a bad day. 2.3k words.

Steve Fics:

16. Heavy - you were a heavy girl in highschool and king Steve and his friends made your life hell. Can Steve undo the past? 10k words

[sollucets]

rowan’s gmmtv2024 report:

hi everyone im back from my interview (i dont know yet but i’m hopeful, cross your fingers for me) and im supposed to take a nap before work but i have to yell a bit first you understand

(positives)

1. pluto……. oh my GOD

you guys dont get it i was Really into midnight museum june. i tried my best to watch a lot of things i really didnt like just for namtan tipnaree. i like her So Lots. and namtanfilm i just fully….. had no idea. absolutely none. but it works!! i love it!!! the plot is bonkers (your dead(?) twin was the girlfriend of a now-blind girl that you're lying to now?) and under normal circumstances i wouldnt be interested but namtanfilm Killed this trailer and i also know im going to have Bad second couple syndrome re: whatevers going on with ciize. i love ciize so much.

this was so so soooo good n unexpected . girls kissing onscreen at My gmmtv announcement? :') plus their bathtub scene & that princesses moment.. yeah. that fucks

2. my golden blood

photo proof of me going mildly ballistic about the rumors last week. i did indeed say a few unholy things shortly after this. and to have it be a VAMPIRE BL? gods save us all im going to be so annoying. i was a twilight kid you know it im going to shovel this into my face with abandon

im so down for vampire au fanfic main character princess gawin honestly. wanted by supernatural creatures for his sexy special blood! bridal carried! blood on his university top!!!! i love it i love it i love it

is this objectively a tad embarrassing? yes. are the special effects painfully cheesy? yes. do i care? no 💜

3. peaceful property

this was just so fun to watch the trailer :’) i really love the found family vibes i was getting plus the over the top ghost shenanigans. i’m a casual tay tawan enjoyer & i do really love jan (alex&nim / newjan in warp effect were very fun to me). the trailer felt very warm n fun and bright, so im down. im into it

4. the trainee

we are in “sure i’ll watch that” territory now instead of extreme excitement but i thought this trailer was really fun & cute. i love view, obviously, so the amount of screentime her character got was good for me, and im 👀👀 about those girls. and offgun’s relationship seemed really fun & genuine :’) this seems nice! dont let me down!

5. wandee goodday

i think this looks fun! its a higher heat but still silly, which suits, and it appears to have fake dating which is a weakness trope of mine. also this is one of my bingo squares (adult non-office bl) so yes absolutely ill watch this. thank you p’golf but Please can we get podd Something this time

(mixed feelings)

6. kidnap

i have notably dissonant emotions about ohm pawat (lets not get into it) but i do actually enjoy this kind of forced proximity plotline even if i fear what theyll do with the opening kidnapper/kidnapee relationship. i feel… Something…. about this? yes. something is being felt. there is hope for me here, maybe, perhaps. really though if they want to keep him they should give ohm a smiley role again someday. it feels like everything ive seen him in since bb is all…. violence generational trauma death etc (for the worse imo)

7. gemfourth kiekoi

i think they can do it and it’ll be cute... gemfourth suit aoki and iida well. its just…. i dont know, i have an instinctive ‘noooo’ reaction to this remake. i like kiekoi soso much and i worry a lot. it does not have the exact charm for me.

also for me i wanted something a little different out of gemfourth. they have the range. but again, i do think theyll do well enough with this? so i'm mostly just being..... idk. :<

8. we are

i will at the very least attend e1! but this is too many couples for me if im honest, and they dont seem to be gunning to do anything super interesting. i do love aouboom & i like pondphuwin a lot (i Love pond’s hair in this trailer btw bless) but …. im not invested enough to make it interesting on its own. and [pouty baby voice] i wanted aouboom leads

(negative but ill try to be brief)

9. ossan’s love (the most negative of them all. look away. im so sorry earthmix i love you)

you guys are going to give earth pirapat a fucking complex before he even turns 30. he BETTER be playing haruta (i know hes not). this is just so silly!!! gmmtv doesnt deserve to have this one! this is not right for so many reasons but the most important is that they have no actual correctly aged men. no no no i am so so opposed. and theres not even a trailer 😰 you guys cut that shit out

10. ploy’s yearbook

looks…okay, its giving 55:15 a little bit, but the filmjoong adopted siblings romance threw me so violently that i doubt ill even consider touching it. absolutely not, you guys. gmmtv failing to be normal about siblings yet again! even though i like several of these actresses a lot i really.. i cant do it. also..... is earth a high schooler or is he forty.,, i feel like they're gaslighting us somehow. pairing him with namtan will not improve this situation for me you can't get out of it so easy

(miscellaneous extra commentary no one asked for)

11. only boo (?)

this looks cute? but not in a way where ill watch it unless i have nothing else going on. also unless im mistaken... was that milkbook??? innovation. love it

12. high school frenemies

those boys should be being gay about it instead of whatever shit they're actually doing. very nearly gayer than some of the bl trailers. i do not like this kind of genre thing but viewjune are there so ill still at least consider it.

13. summer nights

incredible how little i can care about something so fast. i'm not like, seethingly angry or anything but it's incredible, truly, how fast any trace of interest dropped away

i dont have anything else to say about the trailers! i will not be addressing the music here as it pains me in many ways.

finally, the personal elephant in the room: no firstkhaotung at all :< you guys know what i am, so obviously i indulged in a little dramatics about it this morning but i do understand. there's a part two that we've now been thoroughly assured they'll be present in, and also they have a show that's actively airing right now, so i'm not too worried. i did sort of expect a minor role for one or both of them at the very least though? but if they actually get a break out of this i'll be happy. please rest boys

(also khaotung on school rangers is, objectively, hilarious. sorry baby they're gonna make you do tasks)

okay! that's all! perhaps nobody wanted to know this

[dodger-chan]

But neither of them are girls!!! We cannot work with this!

Oh, right. How silly of me. Can't make a scene sexy unless a woman is in it. Guess we just have no choice but to make Lucy and Mina in love with Dracula.

I'd joke about the sexual tension in some of the scenes with Dracula and Jonathan, but Stoker was pretty explicitly casting Jonathan in a feminine role there. And with Seward and Renfield neither would be "the girl."

Renfield kneeling would be the one in a position of submission, but he would also be the aggressor as the one who did the stabbing in the first place. He casts Seward in the role of Master (for some fun vampire-coding shenanigans), and then forcibly takes from him what Dracula is unwilling to give.

[sparklepocalypse]

Bodysharing, Vampire/Werewolf (feel free to answer together or separately), In Vino Veritas. Aaaaaaaaand go. xoxo MJ/kiwiana-writes

You know I'm going to answer all of these line by line, @kiwiana-writes -- that's how I do these things.

Bodysharing: You know, I haven't actually read a lot of fic where this is a thing, I don't think! It's sort of the literal version of "I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)," which sounds both swoony as hell and also prone to absolute shenanigans, so yes. Bring it on. Tentative B+, only because I've played more D&D characters where this was a thing than I've read fic where it was.

Vampire: Well, uh. My first fandom was Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and I devoured all of Anne Rice's stuff when I was probably too young to be devouring Anne Rice's stuff, so... A+ for vampires! Especially if they lean into the "stuff vampires can't do" area of things instead of just making the vampire a pale, sexy waif who likes to give really intense hickeys.

Werewolf: In theory, I like it. In practice, I don't know if I've *read* a lot of werewolf fic. (I absolutely missed out on Teen Wolf fandom, despite having now written some real porny omegaverse fic that def had some wolf-ish elements to it). I'd be open to it! Tentative A-.

In Vino Veritas: Yes. A+. Especially if it's followed by a scene the next day with "How much do you remember?"/"Almost nothing." Gives us all of the *angst* plzkthx.

Give me fic tropes and I'll rate them!

[iamthecomet]

-rolls in and tosses this into your ask box-

I've shown folks my jacket before, but I like getting input on what other people think might be fun to add on~

I already intend to add some grucifixes here and there, but I figured I might see what you think I should add on to this thing.

Also, as per my usual agenda...

I had more mirror thoughts.

Okay, so, the set up: The ghouls + Copia go on a retreat to some kind of Dracula's castle like location for teambuilding and so forth, and the place is massive.

Like, it's easy to get lost, and even when you're right next door to somebody, you can't hear anything.

In other words it's ideal for sexy shenanigans.

Anyway, while they're staying there, Copia, or maybe their host, thinks it would be fun to kind of get everyone to dress up/be thematic to the aesthetic or whatever, or maybe it's even a sort of themed murder mystery hotel or what have you.

Point is, at some point Dew winds up in an old fashioned sleep shirt/nightgown deal, because the sleeping in boxers and a tank top doesn't "fit the theme" and also the place is cold as fuck for some reason and the classic jammies are real comfy and warm.

So the vision I have here; Dew dressed up like that, holding a candle because the power went out during a storm, because of course it did, walking past a mirror and seeing a ghostly reflection standing beside him, and getting the absolute shit scared out of him, only to find out it's Rain, equally lost and looking like a dramatic, flouncy lord.

The tldr is that they fuck nasty in front of a big ass, gilded mirror, and also maybe Copia gets pegged at some point in the evening, but like brides of Dracula kinda vibes thing going on, idk.

The last bit only came to me, because I think Cirrus can and should get to dominate someone while dressed up like a vampire, I dunno.

-picks up jacket and walks out-

Ok. First of all. Your jacket!? Amazing. Incredible. I'm obsessed. My first thought for things to add is more song lyrics(only because that's what I would do)! I really love the TWRP pins. Those are RAD.

Second. HOLY SHIT LAMP YOUR BRAIN. It's so big. Fucking MASSIVE. I am obsessed with this. Creepy dark castle. Everyone in weird flouncy white clothes.

Definitely not thinking about Rain ducking under Dew's night shirt to give him head and being completely shrouded by it.

Or about them loudly railing each other in front of a mirror just staring at each other's reflections the whole time. They both cum so fasttttt.

Cirrus is going to go all in on brides of Dracula pegging. She is going to ruin Copias life and he will 100000% thank her for it, as he should.

They're going to come back from this retreat with weird new kinks and a lot more burises than they left with. But it's definitely an annual thing now. (And Dew for sure stole his nightgown because "it was comfy" and not because Rain gets hard every time he sees Dew in it, definitely not.)

[mermaidsirennikita]

kay but talk 2 me about iwtv how are you feeling are you currently THRIVING how does this compare to other sexy vampire shenanigans you've consumed what are your hopes for the future

YES.

I'm really shockingly into it. I went into this fully expecting to hate it, as our early-pandemic viewing of the movie (which I'd had fond memories of from watching it as a kid but DAMN as an adult it did not work) really turned me off of the Vampire Chronicles. And tbh, while I read the book and didn't think much of it when I was 13ish, as an adult I became aware of a lot of... issues.

And I honestly expected the updated story to be a lot like Bridgerton, where no care was given to the changes made... But this was so different. I think they honed the aspects of the story that were so interesting (the twisted relationship between Louis and Lestat, and presumably later the entire family, plus the thought of descending through the centuries, the questions of good and evil, etc) while giving them much more nuance. The performances are great. Jacob and Sam have spectacular chemistry, Lestat is the most Lestat I've ever seen him--I fucking love the switch between 2022 Louis and the Louis of the past. You get the sense that he's sly and smug and definitely fucking with the interviewer. He's not a swooning victim.

The relationship between Louis and Lestat is perfect, too. I'm so gone for them. The toxicity of it all mingling with genuine love and passion. Now those are two people I can see going through decades (centuries) of on again/off again bullshit.

And like. Finally we cast of Anne Rice's "vampires can't have sex" homophobic bullshit. To me, vampires as presented in this show seem much more erotic than vampires we've seen in recent media, and I fucking love it. I'm just so pleasantly surprised and happy that it's this good, and Jacob better get at min a nom from this.

I really want a lot of focus on the sick nature of the vamp family--again, with genuine love--and Claudia's tragedy of being stuck in a child's body. I want that nuance given to her, as she could easily just be a creepy kid.

[signoraviolettavalery]

It is Wednesday but I'm won't ask about snippets, I'm sorry things have been rough and I'm giving you a virtual hug or par on the back, whichever you prefer! Instead I'll offer up some Malex based entertainment since I totally get having a hard time finding authors. For a post-canon series about Malex and Kybel doing alien shenanigans @burntotears Marriage Ain't Easy series is amazing! For a sexy vampire AU @stayextrafrosty I'm Dying for a Taste of You is perfect! Hope this helps.

Thank you, nonnie! You are a sweetheart! I really wish I had snippets to share with you, sharing them always brings me such joy.

Your recommendations are much appreciated! I've read the Marriage Ain't Easy series and it's lovely. I gotta admit, I was slightly less impressed with the vampire AU - besides the punctuation driving me a little nuts, the part where Kyle was spouted the kind of bigotry one would expect from Jesse through me off. BUT, it's one of those fics with so many cool moments and concepts that it makes me want to write my own version of it and take the bits I really liked, and aaaahhhhh, that's the problem with reading fic, sometimes you're just like "I love the premise, but I could write this in a better way." For example, what if Alex were literal catnip for ALL vampires? That would be an interesting premise...

[qqueenofhades]

20+ Books That You (Might Actually Want) To Read During Pride Month!

Right, so. I got annoyed after seeing the list referenced in this post last night, told myself that my books are all packed up so I couldn’t do anything about it, and lasted all of a whopping 10 minutes before picking up my phone and attempting to make my own list instead. Behold, my from-memory attempt to present 20 books with strong LGBTQ plots, characters, and/or authors, that DON’T just rely on Suffering and Identity Politics and are... you know... fun.

Listed in alphabetical order by title. Links take you to Bookshop.org, where you can buy them from your local independent bookstore at a discount and NOT from the evil empire.

1. A Master of Djinn – P. Djeli Clark * author of color * steampunk Cairo in 1912 * djinn! magic! murder mystery! * butch Arab lesbian main character * devout hijabi Muslim badass assistant * anticolonial alternate history

2. An Accident of Stars – Foz Meadows (Sequel: A Tyranny of Queens) * trans author * bi, pan, trans, aro representation * racially diverse characters * all female POV characters * high-fantasy world adventures

3. Boyfriend Material – Alexis Hall * queer author * look I love this book SO MUCH and have absolutely screamed about it before but also I LOVE IT SO MUCH * contemporary M/M fake dating in modern London, complete with full cast of disaster found-family queer friends * it is. fucking. HILARIOUS. I almost died the first time reading it * there is a sequel called HUSBAND MATERIAL scheduled to be released in 2022; I am a normal amount of excited for this book

4. Gideon the Ninth – Tamsyn Muir (Sequel: Harrow the Ninth) * the book cover says “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted palace in space!” * that is exactly what you get * slow-burn enemies-to-lovers F/F main romance * I cannot describe this book, it is dark, genre-bendy, science fiction-y, Hunger-Games-with-lesbian-necromancers-in space? Kinda? I have literally never read anything like it * also fucking HILARIOUS

5. One Last Stop – Casey McQuiston * queer author (who wrote Red White and Royal Blue) * bisexual fat girl from the South/lesbian-daughter-of-Chinese immigrants from the 1970s-riot-grrl main romance * time traveling mystery involving the Q train in Brooklyn (mentions Brighton Beach ahem) * magical realism * many more found-family chaotic queers including a trans Latino psychic and a Black accountant by day/drag queen by night and the mean little gay disaster who has a hopeless crush on them

6. Parasol Protectorate (series) – Gail Carriger * this is one of my favorite series, and there are five books: Soulless, Changeless, Blameless, Heartless, and Timeless * steampunk vampires/werewolves late Victorian London, like Jane Austen crossed with P.G. Wodehouse (they are all fucking hilarious) * pretty much everyone is queer; we got your flamboyantly camp gay vampires (Lord Akeldama ftw!) We got your gay werewolves! We got your lesbian French inventors! We got your big disaster idiot werewolf main male love interest! We got your crazy adventures! You name it we got it! * two spin-off novellas: Romancing the Werewolf (M/M) and Romancing the Inventor (F/F) * she has a ton more books in this same universe and writes sexy queer supernatural romance as G.L. Carriger

7. Plain Bad Heroines – Emily M. Danforth * queer author * historical horror-comedy set between a haunted girls’ school in early-1900s New England and in the modern day * all sapphic female main characters * plays with style/form/voice, a story within a story within a story

8. Red White and Royal Blue – Casey McQuiston * you’ve probably heard of it but here I am reccing it again * the biracial son of the first female POTUS falls in love with the Prince of England; shenanigans absolutely ensue * yes, the British monarchy still absolutely sucks a big fat dick * hilarious, heartfelt, reads like fanfic, just go get it, it will change your life

9. Rosaline Palmer Takes The Cake – Alexis Hall * same author as Boyfriend Material, this is his newest * bisexual female protagonist * absolutely perfect satire of The Great British Bake Off (you can tell this man has watched EVERY SINGLE SERIES and all of the holiday specials) * sweet and surprisingly thoughtful

10. Starless – Jacqueline Carey * genderqueer/transmasculine main character of color * almost all main characters are brown people! * lush Middle Eastern/India-inspired fantasy world * gods, prophecies, monsters * the best Oh God Why Me I Am A Horrible Mentor wise-old-mentor

11. The Future of Another Timeline – Annalee Newitz * nonbinary (they/them) author * time travel but make it The Handmaid’s Tale * will probably make your head explode * feminist, queer, subversive * diverse characters

12. The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue – Mackenzi Lee * queer author * technically YA but historical/magical adventure set in the 1700s * bisexual disaster main protagonist and love interest of color * (mis)adventures across Europe * has a sequel (see below) with the badass asexual sister of the protagonist

13. The Hate Project – Kris Ripper * nonbinary/genderqueer author * M/M enemies to lovers/sex with no strings attached (spoiler alert: strings attached) * HECKING HILARIOUS * sweet, escapist, and very low stakes * diverse characters, including fat protagonist with realistic anxiety disorder

14. The Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy – Mackenzi Lee * PIRATES, obviously * sequel to Gentleman’s Guide * asexual female protagonist * strong queerplatonic f/f friendship * more historical/magical 18th century adventures

15. The Last Rune (series) – Mark Anthony * Imma be real with you chief, I haven’t read this series since I was a clueless teenager with no idea why I liked Gay Stuff so much, so if it does turn out to suck now, don’t throw rotten veggies at me * but especially since it was written in the NINETIES, this series was hella progressive?! * gay characters, disabled characters, characters of color, all playing significant and heroic roles in six-book epic fantasy cycle * people from Earth end up in high-fantasy world of Eldh * endgame M/M romance for the main character * books out of print, I think, but you can find them cheap somewhere like AbeBooks; first one (Beyond the Pale) linked above

16. The Library of the Unwritten – A.J. Hackwith * queer author * heaven-hell-Valhalla supernatural adventures * The Good Place x Good Omens x Lucifer x The Librarians * Pansexual Black badass female heroine * Queer found families * The Sassiest TM Bisexual Villain Turned Reluctant Hero (is he my favorite? Why on earth would you think that.)

17. The Priory of the Orange Tree – Samantha Shannon * epic doorstopper science fiction/historical fantasy set in a vaguely 16th-century world * main F/F romance between a queen and her sorceress bodyguard * sassy old gay alchemist whose backstory will give you Feelings * so many strong women and characters of color * no homophobia! marriage is fully gender-neutral, spouses are called “companions”

18. The Song of Achilles – Madeline Miller * likewise one you have probably heard of but still * a little light on the myth/historical part imho, but the writing is beautiful and will give you many feelings * M/M romance between Achilles and Patroclus  * reimagining of The Iliad (her other book Circe is also really good)

19 The Stars are Legion – Kameron Hurley * all-female apocalyptic space opera * messy messy antiheroines * grimdark war fantasy * queer sci-fi drama

20. Witchmark – C.L. Polk * author of color * M/M romance * main character is a veteran and a doctor dealing with his own hidden magic and repressed war trauma * gaslamp fantasy set in a world reminiscent of post-WWI England * strong sibling relationship

[mostlymaudlin]

self-recs 💫

prompt was: post your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. thank you @urban-sith @nightimedreamersworld @you-remind-me-of-the-babe for tagging me! i feel like im late so idk who has done this already but i tag @starwarned @seducing-a-vampire @otherpeoplesheartachept-2 @prettylightsbigcity @sillyunicorn

i'm only gonna do snowbaz, and also these are just in order of how recent they are bc i dont know how to rank them lol

1. Something's Gotta Give Now (T), 7k

this is my most recent snowbaz fic and i really really liked writing it. it's an au, and i don't really want to give too much away because part of what i like about this fic is the way the backstory unravels. but the gist is: baz plays a sexy, angsty vampire on a popular tv show, and simon is very bitter and very funny about it.

i did this after not writing snowbaz for a while, so i feel like i was able to return to the characters with fresh eyes and some broken bad habits. the third person is nice too -- i definitely write more cleanly in third. it's definitely not crack (which was my original intention lmfao, it's technically my crackfest entry), but im not really mad about it. i gave up on my ability to not to take it seriously about 500 words in. also, there's a second chapter that it just unhinged shit lmfao.

2. The Places We Build (T), 4k

this fic plays with the idea of: what if simon and baz decided in their first year at watford that they didn't want to hate each other? what if everything was the same, except nothing was the same, because they were friends? i like it because i feel like it has a strong heartbeat. i love to see how much of a world i can create in the least amount of words, and there's a looooot of history packed into these 4k words. very tender. very cuddly :)

3. love means slowly using losing your mind (E), 8k

this one was so fun to write. another au -- baz is a wedding planner, simon is penny/sheps best man (yes, both of them). it's loosely based on THAT scene from the movie 27 Dresses (iykyk) but it stands on its own. i like how i leaned into the setting here -- it feels like a very accessible world to me, like you could close your eyes and see the pub. and also i really just like to put my blorbos in a situation where they get drunk and have fun hahaha. as always, shit gets kind of real and snowbaz are their usual intense selves. also there's awkward car sex, which was hilarious to write.

4. Jump Up, Chosen One! (T), 8k

dude. what the FUCK was i on here..... this is perhaps the most plot-driven thing i've ever written, while also being one of the WEIRDEST things ive ever written. the premise is: simon goes off, trapping him, niall, dev, and baz in a Super Mario Bros game. and like. it's silly, yeah. but when i read back through im always like -- oh, ok, there's a lot of heart in this! good job rory! more reasons to love: lots of fun niall & dev screen time, simon solving problems thru the power of Being Determined, a tender moment that i interrupt several times by reminding you that simon and baz do indeed look like mario characters, penny solving problems thru the power of Being Clever, and a surprise tonal shift at the end lmfao. idk man. there's a lot going on here and i think it's p sweet.

5. In black ink my love may still shine bright (M), 5k

even though i hate that i used a fuckin long ass shakespeare quote as a title (lmao. like it fits and i love that sonnet but still. tacky !), this fic is great. @starwarned and i talk a lot about the power of The Slutty M-Rated Fic, and this is my best work in that regard. post-awtwb, date night -- they get ice cream and go to a bar and... shenanigans ensue. it's sweet and happy and nothing bad happens. NICE. the e-rated sequel is the first smut i ever wrote. i was so nervous about it. look at me now.... our resident blood slut LMAO.

honorable mentions, because im a dirty cheater. these probably belong in top 5 but ive been talking about them already recently so i didnt want to be repetitive.

closer to the sun (E), 6k: simpard taken seriously. investigations and road trips and finding purpose and... dragon-fucking.

Nothing Equals The Splendor (T), 52k: my longest fic! gbbo au. a labor of love.

[random-senpai]

Y'know what imma say it.

Ethan Winters is sexy

Like I know everyone is currently simping over the villains right now and people are hating him for killing them. Which is so stupid it makes me wanna scream.

I know we dont get to see his face in RE8 and the only thing we have is his basic looking RE7 render. But it's been a few years since the shit with the Bakers and I would like to believe that he bulked up somewhat especially with how his body is now.

But what's the most attractive about him is his dedication for those he loves. At the core of it all Ethan Winters was just a regular man that got dragged into the hell that is Resident Evil shenanigans because of just how much he loved his wife. And even when he thinks he's lost her, he doesn't give into despair and throws himself into another hellhole to save his daughter.

As much as I love Tall Vampire Mommy and Magnetic Hammer Daddy. Nothing is more attractive than someone who loves you so much they would fight monsters and gods for you, who would risk life and limb for you, who would LITERALLY DIE and come back because you're in danger.

That sheer absolute willingness to sacrifice EVERYTHING for love is the most sexy trait anyone can have. And Mia even with all her misfortune, mistakes, and being kidnapped, is an incredibly lucky woman to have been loved by someone like Ethan.

[cevans16]

Ask Her To Dance

Summary: You’re part of the Avengers during the Infinity War era, you and the cast have a final party in Greece

You had all recently finished filming Infinity War, traveling to Europe to start the promo tour, ending up in Greece. You played a military veteran who had started working for the Avengers, you had grown close to the entire cast, having a crush on Sebastian. Sebastian had always been a quiet one except when he was with you or Anthony Mackie. 

It was the last night after a ton of interviews, photoshoots, etc. Robert had suggested you all go out to a club to blow off some steam and as as last hoorah. So there you were in a midi skin-tight lavender summer dress and black high heels. Scarlett had done your makeup in a dark smokey eye look balancing the rest with a natural shade while Lizzie did your hair in voluminous curls, you looked sexy to say the least.

“Wow....you look wow, I’m not a lesbian but I would turn for you” Scarlett said once they took a final look at you. 

“What am I not hot before this look?” you teased

“Oh of course you are but now I can’t hold myself” she said smirking at you. 

While they were finishing up you heard someone knock on the hotel door, you went to open it to find the boys standing there, they didn’t say a word but their eyes looked like they were about to pop out. 

“Okay...where’s (Y/N) and what have you done to her?” Robert jokingly asked

“Stop! You guys coming in or what” you said stepping aside to allow them in

“I think they’re almost done, I’m going downstairs to get us a cab” you said.

You didn’t see that Mackie had elbowed Sebastian to go with you to the lobby. Sebastian blushed and shook his head, “Come on.....hey (Y/N) you shouldn’t go alone, Sebs here will accompany you” Mackie announced. 

You looked at him with a confusing look but didn’t ask any questions, at least not in front of the boys. “Okay...come on Sebastian”. 

“Ladies first” he motioned to you to walk inside the elevator first to head down

“Such a gentleman” you said. You leaned on the elevator wall, tapping your heel on the floor

“You look beautiful (Y/N)” Sebastian said in a soft whisper, you felt your cheeks heat up at him complimenting you

“Thank you, you look great as always” you replied, this time you saw him blush, he smiled scrunching in his nose in that adorable way that he always did when he got shy. 

You let the driver know that you would be down in about twenty more minutes. You and Sebastian headed back up to see if everyone else was almost ready. You walked in to the room with Scarlett and Lizzie finishing up the last of their makeup. You grabbed a mascara to touch up on your own eyelashes. 

“You ladies take forever” Chris Evans teased you three

“Okay then wait for us over there” you turned to say to him 

You kept eyeing Evans for a bit, he obviously caught onto your expression.

“Noooo whatever it is don’t” he said a little frightened

“Seriously, you two film a movie where you are a couple and now you act like a couple” Robert teased

Robert’s comment caused Sebastian’s heart to drop a little bit. He knew you and Chris Evans were only great friends but after seeing some of the footage of the Knives Out movie you and Chris played as a toxic couple, Sebastian couldn’t help but wonder if there could be something more between you and Chris.

“Oh stop no, its not like that but I do have an idea...well more of a favor” you said

“What?” Chris asked you

“Can I please put mascara on one of your eyelashes because yours are so long and I want to see what they look like with mascara!” you asked him excitedly

“What the fahck noooo” he said, his little Bostonian accent showing

“Please Chris, just one eye! I promise I’ll wipe it off.....please, I’ll drop on my knees to beg you” you pleaded

“Can you at least wait for all of us to leave, we don’t want to see that” Robert joked

“Shut it Downey” you said laughing, “Please Chris, I’ll give you ten bucks”

Chris narrowed his eyes at you, mulling over the situation for a second. He couldn’t say no to you though, you had become such a great friend to him.

“Fine, just one damn eye that’s it” he said to you

You did a little jump of joy, walking over to him. He was on the end of the couch next to Sebastian. You set your knee between Sebastian and Chris who had scooted a bit over to give you some space. 

“Why am I letting you do this?” Chris said already regretting his choice

“Because you love me” you teased at him

“That I do” he immediately replied

Sebastian would be lying if he said that he wasn’t jealous at hearing Chris say that, or seeing you get along great with Chris, let alone seeing how close your face was to Chris’. He didn’t say anything, only intently looking at you place the mascara on Chris’ eyelashes. Mackie on the other hand could tell the little green monster was getting the best of Sebastian slowly but surely.

“Ohhh my gosh -CHRIS- this isn’t fair” you yelped seeing his eyelashes grow longer and darker

You glanced quickly over to Sebastian, he looked away instantly, a light blush on his cheeks. 

“Wait, you have long lashes too, not like Chris’ but--OKAY this isn’t fair, why do you boys get long lashes” you commented

“Yours are long too so stop whining” Chris said

You were still looking at Sebastian’s eyes, they were a beautiful shade of blue, you loved his eyes, this was the first time you were able to see them so upclose though. 

“Are you going to stare at him or can I wipe this damn makeup off?” Chris asked pulling you out of your trance. This time you felt yourself blush with Sebastian being the one to catch you.

“Sorry- yes Chris you can go now. Sebastian, would you let me put mascara on” you now asked him

“I’m sure he’d let you do anything to him” Mackie commented, earning a deathful glare from Sebastian

“It’s okay if you don’t want to” you immediately added

“Nahh let me see doll” he smiled at you, leaning his face closer to yours, you felt your breath hitch.

“YAY, okay look up just a little bit-oh wait hold on” you said, you put the mascara that you had in your hand behind your dress, you pulled out another one from your thigh, Sebastian was a little confused at the switch.

“Don’t say anything but I used waterproof mascara on Chris” you whispered giggling at your confession. 

“You’re bad” Sebastian replied chuckling at your little shenanigans, Chris was going to flip. And he sure did.

“Okay I’m almost don-” you were about to say

“(Y/N)!!!!!” you heard Chris yell for you, he came out of the bathroom followed by the girls who couldn’t stop laughing

“What?” you asked innocently

“Don’t ‘what’ me with those eyes, you put waterproof on didn’t you!?” he stated

“Noooo look” you said showing him the mascara you had in your hand

“That’s bullshit where is it!?” he yelled

You knew he wasn’t entirely pissed but he wasn’t too happy either

“Chris I don’t know what you’re talking about” you said trying to hide the smirk on your face

“I see it” Chris said at the mascara that was placed behind your back in your dress. Chris swiped it out quickly, almost shoving it in your face.

“I’ll get you back” he peered at you 

“Ohhh how scary” you said cackling at this point. Chris didn’t respond however he slightly shoved you towards Sebastian who caught you with his hands on your sides, both of you blushing immensely.

“Sorry” you both said at the same time. You could feel everyone else’s eyes on you and Sebastian. You got up from the couch walking over to get a makeup wipe remover

“You have nice eyelashes too Sebs.....actually your entire eyes....its not fair” you complimented him

“Thanks” he replied shyly.

He was about to take the wipe from your hands but you shook your head, reaching over to his face to wipe away the makeup

“Why does he get special treatment?” Chris asked, he knew exactly why.

“Shut it” you said

“I’m still going to get you back, this shit does not come off easily” Chris said complaining.

The girls were finally done, all of you doing one last check before heading out to the bar lounge which was a little far away from the hotel. 

After a twenty minute drive you arrived to your destination, you and the girls headed to the restroom while the guys got some drinks and headed over to the private section. The place wasn’t too crowded or crazy but there were enough people to give it a great atmosphere. It also overlooked part of Greece and the ocean, the warm humid weather being complemented with a nice breeze.

“So now that we’re done with the tour, maybe you should ask her out before you start filming here?” Mackie encouraged Sebastian.

“Ehhh I don’t know man, I don’t think she likes me” Sebastian replied shyly

“Oh don’t start with that, she is into you! She just doesn’t make it obvious, Scar told me that she thinks you’re cute sooo can’t be wrong, won’t hurt to ask” Mackie said. 

“Trust me she likes you” Chris added in with a wink at Sebastian. 

“Where did you go?” Hemsworth asked him

“I was getting payback” he smirked

Sebastian was going to ask Chris what he meant until he saw you and the girls walking over with your drinks.

“Man this place is beautiful!” You yelled over the music. 

“You’ve never been to Greece?” Lizzie asked you 

“Nah it’s my first time so be gentle” you joked, Sebastian almost spit out his drink

“Speaking of first times, how’s the movie for you two going?” Scarlett asked you and Chris, you both turned to look at each other

“Not bad actually, definitely more risqué than what I did in Vampire Diaries” you explained.

“Ohhh I may or may not have requested that song” Chris Evans confessed while drinking his beer

“What!! Why?!” you yelped

“Oh come on, you know people go crazy when they see you on the screen with that song playing” he smirked

He was right, there was a certain scene in the show you had done where your character is a newly turned vampire, almost dirty dancing with one of the bad boy vampires at a college party. 

“I swear everywhere I go they play that song” you added

“It’s not necessarily a bad thing” Evans said. 

“What show?” Sebastian asked curiously, he had heard about the show but never watched it. Sebastian’s comment added onto the fuel of everyone around you. 

“Out of all people, YOU for sure have to see it, she looks hot” Scarlett motioned over to you

“Scarrrr” you gritted through your teeth. Luckily you were saved by the song playing over the speakers, Feel So Close by Calvin Harris boomed over the place. 

The intro had you moving to the beat, you loved this song, it brought you great memories from when you were part of the Vampire Diaries show

Almost a minute into the song the DJ yelled, “We hear a certain vampire is in the building!! Give it up for (Y/N)!!!!!”

Sure enough they played that certain party scene on the big screen. You and your former costar Ian Somerhalder killing it as vampires dirty dancing.

You felt yourself blushing, embarrassed at the unwanted attention. You turned to Chris Evans who was laughing his ass off while recording your reaction and everyone else.

“Let’s see your famous vampire moves!” the DJ yelled into the microphone

You yelled over to Lizzie and Scarlett, “Too bad I don’t have my friend to dance with me”

You moved your hips stronger to the rhythm of the song, twirling, making the exact moves you did when you had done that certain episode. You were laughing, carefree, having fun almost forgetting about your embarrassment.

Sebastian was paying attention to both you and the scene playing, he had to watch this show he thought to himself. He always thought you were gorgeous but this scene seeing you with blood, fangs, dancing, turned him on more than anything. However he also wished he was the guy who had been dancing with you for that scene.

Your final move was another sway of your hips, in the show you had ran your finger on your costar’s face to wipe some blood, sucking on it. You did the exact same move to Scarlett who acted like she was fanning herself. The boys and Lizzie laughed at your move, the entire place going crazier.

When the song ended, you shoved Evans, “I hate you!!!” you yelled over to him

“Payback’s a bitch sweetheart” he laughed, you shook your head, “ahhh come on, you know that song brings you back to good old times” he added

“I hate to say it but you’re right” you agreed, the song reminded you of great times with your former castmates

“What about it? You and that guy dated” Sebastian asked curiously

“Ian...no he was dating someone else but he’s still a great friend of mine. We had such a blast filming that part, brings me very fun memories from when I did that show” you explained.

After Evans’ little stunt on you, you guys were all dancing around having a great time. 

The next song to come up was Gimme Gimme by ABBA causing you and the girls to go crazy, the boys only laughed enjoying your excitement.

You, Scarlett and Lizzie made a sandwich between each other, all dancing carefree. You all took turns lip syncing, twirling each other.

You yelling “GIMME GIMME GIMME A MAN AFTER MIDNIGHT!!!” with Scarlett and Lizzie doing a supposed back up dancing. 

Sebastian had never seen this side of you, at this moment he really wished you were his girlfriend because he really wanted to kiss you. 

“You should ask her to dance” Robert yelled over to him, motioning to you

Sebastian instantly shook his head, “I can’t...I don’t want to make it awkward plus she’s having fun” he added. 

“Suit yourself” Robert said walking away to get some water

You were all at the lounge for about another two hours, enjoying a night out with each other. 

One of the next songs was I Feel Love by Donna Summer

Sebastian wasn’t going to ask you to dance until he saw you were with Evans’ heading towards the dance floor besides Hemsworth and his wife Elsa dancing next to you and smiling at you both. 

You started to hold Evans’ left hand moving to the beat as it picked up both of you laughing about something. Sebastian looked at Mackie who was smirking at him, “You’ll regret it if you don’t” leaning in closer to Sebastian, “trust me though there’s nothing more going on between those two” he explained referring to you and Chris.

Like clockwork, Sebastian walked over to you and Evans, Lizzie and Scarlett noticed because they called Evans over to dance with them, you were about to follow when you heard Sebastian yell for you. 

“(Y/N), want to dance?” he said smiling shyly

You felt your heart skip a beat, you weren’t sure if it was a good idea because you knew your feelings for Sebastian would probably get worse but you decided to just live in the moment

“Sure!” you yelled, placing your hand onto his, he twirled you first and then you two were moving into a great rhythm to the song

You liked that Sebastian kept you close but still was respectful to your space, its not that you didn’t want to be grinding on him but you also wanted to respect Sebastian. 

At one point he pulled you in close to his face and said, “I really would like to kiss you (Y/N)” 

You looked up at him, you didn’t know what to say at first so you pulled his face down towards yours, playfully licking his nose with your tongue causing him to laugh

“What was that for?” he asked surprised at your action

“I’ve wanted to kiss you too Sebastian” you confessed

With that Sebastian then licked your nose with his tongue while he held your face with both of his hands and then he kissed you passionately. You two kissed each other like there was no tomorrow while still keeping to the beat of Donna Summer’s sultry song.

“Holy shit!!!!” Evans yelled over you two, “fucking finally!!!” he added while the rest of cast cheered you and Sebastian on.

Although the song is almost eight minutes long it felt like two with Sebastian. You two kept dancing, giving each other a few kisses here and there. 

At one point you were all back to your private section again. The final song was 34+35 by Ariana Grande 

“Oh-I love this song!” you yelled

“YOU, innocent (Y/N)?!” Mackie exclaimed

“It’s not that bad” you said defensively 

“Just give me them babieees” you sang loudly but looked at Scarlett, making a come here gesture for her to join you.

You kept singing the song, surprising everyone because you weren’t much into pop let alone a song about explicit sex. The girls joined in including Robert’s wife Susan and Elsa, Hemsworth’s wife.

Sebastian was mesmerized by you in so many ways it drove him crazy.

“Baby, you might need a side belt when I ride it” you acted like you put a seatbelt on, saying your hips like your were riding. 

“I’m living for this” Lizzie chuckled while dancing with you too

“Sebastian...look away” Evans’ said covering Sebastian’s eyes playfully

“Nooo leave him alone” Elsa laughed

After a while, you all started gathering your things to head back to the hotel. Sebastian grabbed your hand, kissing it and smiling at you.

“What” you asked him smiling back

“Nothing, well, would you like to uhm.... go out on a date with me?” he asked you a bit nervous

“I would love to Sebastian” you said

He scrunched his nose in a cute way that he always did when he got nervous or flustered. 

“I can’t wait” he said leaning over to give you a kiss on your forehead

“I told you to ask her to dance” Robert said smiling over at you both.

You were glad that Sebastian had listened.

[equinoxum]

CURAXU RATES GENSHIN LADIES

welcome to part two where i turn my attention to the women of genshin also reminder that I haven’t played since Xiao’s first banner so. have mercy.

rating of genshin men HERE

Aloy: i know NOOOOOOOOTHING about her. she’s cute tho.

Amber: petition for the community to stop shitting on Amber. i can’t play her because i’m bad at bow characters but she is so dear to me.

Barbara: has saved my ass more times than i can count. love her. 

Beidou: sexy pirate lady goddamn. carries my party. i think she could benchpress me and that’s incredibly hot you don’t even understand. she is what i want to be. i would kiss her.

Diona: funny little cat girl... beloved. also cannot play her because bow character but i would kiss her little head if she would permit it.

Eula: i have no idea what is happening over here and i am too scared to ask. pretty eyes though.

Fischl: can we get a no fear shakespeare edition just for what comes out of your mouth. i love you but what the FUCK are you saying to me. 

Ganyu: beloved... stunning... beautiful... absolute cutie. deserves the world and all the qixing flowers she wants.

Hu Tao: i like your funny shenanigans graveyard girl. calling Zhongli “peepaw” gets her like several bonus points its so fucking funny

Jean: i pulled her randomly at one point and went HOLY SHIT. someone please get this woman a nap and a pay raise.

Kamisato Ayaka: pretty ladyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. yeah. 

Keqing: first thing she did with her vision was try to break it. icon. i think that’s so funny. god gives you superpowers and you go “fuck you, actually.”

Klee: MY BELOVED... ABSOLUTE TANK. i think she should be given more bombs, actually. let her invent nuclear warfare, she’ll use it on the fish.

Kujou Sara: bird. i know nothing about her i’m sorry.

La Signora: bitch (affectionate) rest in piece girl 

Lisa: once was told that she calls herself your big sister in other translations and that lives in my head rent free. the death flags tho. girl. uh oh.

Mona: a PREPARED QUEEN. took one look at Scaramouche and went “absolutely not”. i like her hat. every Mona cosplay I’ve seen was stunning.

Ningguang: should be a five star i swear to god. literally my favorite catalyst user. the only geo user i can manage. if i put more obstacles on the battlefield i’m going to die. also she’s sexy as shit.

Noelle: promote her you fucking cowards. she deserves it. she could ALSO benchpress me.

Paimon: wish they didn’t change Paimon’s voice. they are dear to me. i like their funny little words.

Qiqi: i’m going to kiss you on your little head and give you the best day ever.

Raiden Shogun: i think if i looked at her wrong she would take me out back and shoot me. tiddy sword tho. she should’ve been a sword user. 

Rosaria: i swear to god they said she was a fucking vampire at one point. what happened to that. i have the same energy about my religion as she does ngl.

Sangonomiya Kokomi: PRETTY DESIGN... i know very little about her but i think she could probably kill me?

Sayu: baby... nap time.

Shenhe: SEXY..... LOVE the homicidal rage. best auntie probably.

Sucrose: tell me about your cool science experiments miss... you are very sweet and cute.

Xiangling: the original pyro polearm. the original polearm. the bestest <3 

Xinyan: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH i think she and Itto would be besties. i want her to play music for me. 

Yae Miko: sexy. stunning. if she teased me i think i would explode.

Yanfei: cutie.... legally blonde energy. fuck it up girl.

Yoimiya: who are you. cute design.

Yun Jin: also know nothing about her. pretty tho.

[tmrrwppl]

Dumbass things we’ve said in SecondLife that make great unhinged starters

[Change as necessary]

"Hide the coconut oil! For the love of all that is holy!"

"[Name] is on [their] way to slap tiddies"

"Listen, I have not seen [Name's] junk, and I don't plan to now."

“You're like a toddler, when you go quiet I have to check on you”

"Why do I keep coming back here?"

“She's the naked bartender. She provides snacks.”

“[Name] stop posing google maps doesn't come here.”

“He's hiding the tiddies– illegal”

“Log in the tip jar, coward!”

“I hate food shopping.”

“Found myself in a female vampire den. So it seems.”

“And now you’re all Jelly Baby on me.”

“*aggressive squeaking sound*”

“I swear to God if I look down and you’re humping my leg I am going to punt you across the continent.”

“I'd rather get f*cked by a v!brator then your c*ck any day.”

"I haven't done anything to you yet."

“Hey, watch this, I’m gonna give [them] the *good* sugar cubes… you know, with the LSD in them.”

“I bet she smells like Chanel, meth, cigarettes and helicopter smoke and I like it”

“I just lost a twerking contest to a f*cking horse.”

“If a penguin can do it so can a horse”

“it was hotter than a fresh f*cked fox in a forest fire today”

“There I go again, handing out pen*ses like candy”

“I mean if PETA shows up we are all screwed and not in the fun way... But until then, dance, you beautiful horse, dance.”

“There, suspender solidarity.”

“I require… More penguins.”

“I have never seen someone just whip out a toilet like that before.”

“You are a friend shaped cloud.”

“Is that why the carpet is charred black?”

“That’s it! One more pun and I’m going to turn this region around!”

“You and [Name] are walking bundles of chaos.”

“I’m gonna need bail money.”

“*unhinged cackling*”

“No one ever tells *me* to behave, feeling kind of left out here.”

“Bad is a behavior.”

“Sugah pie honey bunches, can you hand me the crowbar?”

“Listen, just accept the fact someone wants to sop you up with a biscuit, you delicious pixel pie of sexy.”

“Ah shit, the “days since last shenanigans” counter is at 5. Lemme whip out my kazoo.”

“I don’t know how you have the patience for all these newbies.”

“I drink a lot of coffee.”

“Ma’am, if you keep talking bad about yourself I’m gonna beat you with a newspaper.”

“What’s she gonna do? Take my clothes off and throw me into bed? *sarcasm voice* Oh no... don't... please... ... ”

"I'm ordering the quokkas some french fries."

“You know what, [they/you] could inflict serious pain and I’d still be into [them/you].”

“There is an alarming lack of kilts around.”

“We’re being overrun by Aussies. I don’t have enough Florida woman to counter y’all.”

"I don't want to drive off any visitors. You want them to come back."

"Listen I'm really good at english when I'm not fried like a bologna sammy."