#just get us funding u annoying fucks

[rookanisstuff]

DATV execs: how do we raise the stakes? A blight? DATV Writers: We already did that.... execs: what about TWO blights? writers: we're hunting an elven god execs: what about TWO elven gods!!!!!???!!!!!!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[bkgbkgbkg]

Bf!eren headcanons.3

More headcanons/masterlist

- he cannot keep a hair tie safe for his life they always go missing and u get mad at him for it bc he always uses urs

- lowk picky with couple photos LMAO hes rly irritating trying to have multiple takes

- hot take maybe but hes not an ass guy🤷‍♀️

- his gifts he gets u are within good taste like he has a good eye for stuff

- he likes to smother u when hes sweaty from anything bc he finds it funny that it the sweat grosses u out

- he essentially annoys u so much bc it simultaneously makes u laugh which he likes (i’d hope so at least💀)

- hes 100% an errand-date kinda guy like u guys spend ur time and can have enough fun just buying groceries

- he tries to cook every once in a while but theyre always them life hack healthy diet tiktok recipes which he fucks up every time😭, he’ll thinks it tastes good until he has u try some and u cant hide how ass it is

- i cba to figure out why but hes lowk rich so he funds half of the friend groups stuff (mainly sashas snacks lol) but he gets annoyed every time like ‘just bc i can pay doesn’t mean u should make me’ but he doesnt complain when he buys stuff for u bc he feels sheepishly proud abt it😭

- hes interchangeable w big and little spoon tbf but when hes little spoon he lowk suffocates u and stuffs his face in ur neck or chest💀

- hes picky when sleeping w u in bed like he’ll keep on complaining how ur blanket hogging or how ur too hot or cold or how ur breathing too loud or literally wtv 😭

- carla loves u more than him and is always making u food not him then he complains abt not getting food to go for himself😭

- he’s good at reading u and is able to know what u want even if u dont say directly so like whenever u say ur not pissed or sad or wtv he’ll know u are😭

Im so sorry I feel like im making bf!eren way too irritating idk why i cant think of enough cute ones😭😭😭😭😭😭 anyway

My requests r open for anything u can ask me any specific headcanons for eren or any character aswell!! Tysm for reading 🫶🫶

[greasersgyatt]

Could u do Lee dally? Ik it’s rare to see him as a Lee but it would be cute

{yes ofc the ler will be johnny if thats okay<3}

Dally was sitting out on a field, smoking a cigarette. For thr past week or so, dally hasnt been the same. He doesnt know why but he just felt weird. He has been drinking his life away for these past few days as if to make himself happier or something. This has never happened before. Hes dallas Winston. Hes never sad. He never cares about anything. Why does he care about himself now?

As he sat just by himself and his thoughts, he heard someone. He glanced over his shoulder to see johnny, a member from their gang. “Whats up, johnnycake? What are you doing here?” Dallas asked with a raised eyebrow. He tried to act normal (he knew how to do that well.) he didnt want anyone to fund out about how he was acting, especially johnny. If Johnny knew, he would have endless amounts of questions..

But what if it made him feel better? Talking to someone about it? But he pushed that thought away when he heard johnnny breathless voice. “..ran away from some socs. There were too many of them, i couldnt fight them off myself” johnny answered as he came over to dally’s side. “..why are you here?” Johnny asked. “Just chilling in a random field?” “Yea, just thought it was a peaceful place” dallas replied. That didnt sound like a dallas answer. He kinda felt shocked about how johnny even found him. It was a random field. Dally didnt think anyone could find him here. He didnt know whether to feel annoyed or relaxed that johnny found him. “..this isnt a place someome would normally find you in” johnny mumbled, looking around. The field seemed like it never had a end to it, but he couldnt lie, the view was pretty nice. You could see a bit of the town from up there and what was even more nice was that the sun was setting and the sky was a pink-orange colour. “I know. Sometimes i just come here for some peace and quiet” dally shrugged. Johnny looked at him suspiciously. Dally was normally a loud person and could barely handle silence. It was quiet for a few moments as they both looked out into the distance. “..can i ask you something?” Johnny asked. “Sure” dally replied, looking at johnny. “..whats up with you this week? Youve been drinking non stop and you’re much more aggressive to everyone” johnny said. Obviously johnny was the one who noticed. Fuck. “Im fine, johnnycake” dallas just answered, not wanting to talk about it. “Are you s-” before johnny could even finish, dallas snapped. “Yes johnny im fucking sure. Now shut your trap before i slap your face off.” Dallas almost instantly regreted what he said as he buried his face in his hands. Its not usual for dallas to snap at johnny and it definitely not usual for dallas to act like this in the first place. “..want me to cheer you up?” Johnny asked sweetly. Dallas glanced at johnny, raising an eyebrow. “…what?” “..trying to cheer you up.. just like you always do” johnny said. That was all johnny needed to say. “Oh no- nononono” dallas said quickly, his eyes widening. Before dallas could even get up, Johnny already tackled him. They tumbled down the field, wrestling alittle until johnny was ontop of dally. Johnny had to act fast if he wanted to not get thrown off dallas.

Johnnys fingers quickly shot up to dallys armpits since he knew dallas was ticklish there. Dallas wasnt the most ticklish dude but if you knew him well enough, you could get him to laugh. “pfFtt- JohOhnny, nOhoHo” dallas laughed out in a low hushed laugh. Johnny was using all his weight to keep dallas pushed down on the ground. “What? You always cheer me up like this, thought i might aswell do it back” Johnny said with a smile on his face, moving his fingers down to dallas’s hips and outer thighs. Dallas kicked his legs out, squirming as johnny lightly brushed his fingers around on his outer thigh. “JohoHOnNy fuck ohohoff” dallas howled with laughter. Johnny couldnt help but snicker. If it was anyone else but johnny tickling him, he would have punched them square in the face, but he knew dallas cared about johnny too much to hurt him.

“Okay, okay. Ill stop before you pop a blood vessel, holy shit” johnny joked as he got off dallas who was laying on the green grass, panting. “Didnt think id get you laughing that hard” johnny snickered. “Not a word of this to the gang, understood?” Dallas said, glaring at johnny. “Understood.” Johnny smirked.

[wendytestabrat]

kyle’s most toxic/chaotic episodes:

•ike’s wee wee - for harassing ike once he found out he was adopted and saying he’s not his real brother and then sending him on a train to nebraska

•cow days - for him being a spoiled materialistic brat and a jerk to cartman all for some terrance & phillip dolls; HE FUCKING THREATENS CARTMAN INTO RIDING A BULL AND THEN WHEN CARTMAN GETS HURT AND HAS TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL HE STILL MAKES CARTMAN GO BACK ON THE BULL

•douche & turd - for bullying and pressuring stan to vote for a giant douche, sending puff daddy after him, LITERALLY SPITTING ON HIM, and using kenny for his own benefit all so he could beat cartman. also the fact that he wanted a giant douche as the mascot was just immature af LOL

•cartman’s incredible gift - for jumping off a fucking roof because he couldn’t stand to see people taking cartman seriously as a psychic

•mr. garrison’s fancy new vagina - for his blatant racism (and internalized anti-semitism) assuming he would only be good at basketball if he was tall & black - basically he did blackface here LOL

•two days before the day after tomorrow - for hiding the jew gold

•ginger kids - for BREAKING AND ENTERING into cartman’s room to turn him into a ginger which caused cartman to go on an extermination against every non-ginger

•le petit tourette - for rounding up 47388392 pedophiles to shoot themselves on dateline because he was mad abt cartman pretending to have tourettes (even tho he was just jealous of cartman’s brilliant idea LOL)

•imaginationland - for being so fucking arrogant and sure that leprechauns aren’t real that he signed a legally binding contract to suck cartman’s balls (which wasn’t very smart) and then couldn’t honor his commitment when he was wrong. i’m sorry but like IDGAF what a bet is about you just don’t agree to suck someone’s balls idc how sure u are that you’re gonna win LOL.

•tonsil trouble - for making fun of cartman for having aids and then gets MAD at cartman for making aids jokes later on to stay positive smh

•britney’s new look - for coming up with the idea to get a paparazzi photo of britney for $$ - it was his fault that britney shot herself

•fatbeard - for purposely trying to get cartman sent off to somalia to die and inadvertently making his brother go there too

•you have 0 friends - for being an annoying social media prick and not leaving stan alone about facebook and doing dumbass shit to get more FB friends WHO GIVES A SHIT people who care too much abt their social media followers are losers

•it’s a jersey thing - yeah do i even need to explain this one?

•crack baby athletic association - for exploiting crack babies for money and acting selfish & greedy like cartman in the process

•you’re getting old/ass burgers - FOR SELLING OUT STAN AT HIS WORST AND BEING A BACKSTABBING ASSHOLE

•a history channel thanksgiving - for throwing a hissy fit over cartman’s idea to use the history channel for their thanksgiving report and then getting all pouty later that he was wrong about aliens or whatever the fuck

•ginger cow - i don’t need to explain this one

•go fund yourself - for being all extra and causing drama by making his own startup company bc he was jealous of cartman for coming up with the name ‘washington redskins’

•stunning and brave - for encouraging cartman to stand up to PC principal and getting him sent to the hospital (AND BTW KYLE DIDN’T WANNA DO SHIT ABT PC PRINCIPAL UNTIL IT PERSONALLY AFFECTED HIM AND HE GOT IN TROUBLE FOR THE COMMENT HE MADE ABOUT CAITLYN JENNER)

•skank hunt - for accusing cartman of being the troll and getting everyone all riled up to break his shit

•wieners out - for him being salty when he found out cartman moved on with heidi, you know after he deadass broke all of cartman’s shit

•fort collins - for him threatening to expose cartman’s INTERNET HISTORY to heidi

•doubling down - for stealing heidi from cartman

•super hard PCness - for blowing up canada bc he was still pissed off about cartman & heidi LOL

•tegridy farms - for enabling cartman to sell vapes to kindergarteners (including his brother) despite his original stance of being against it, deadass almost giving up his entire birthday money for cartman, and then letting cartman beat up the drug dealer & helping him break into a vape shop 🙄

•south parq vaccination special - for trying to steal the vaccines for himself - yet bitching at stan & cartman that they were being selfish JFC

•south park post covid and the return of covid - for getting mad at cartman for being a rabbi and having a happy family and accusing him of stupid bullshit and cussing in front of his wife & kids (bringing up shit from 40 years ago) and then making cartman sacrifice his entire family to help him

•the streaming wars part 1 - for giving up all the money they earned on the streaming services to let cartman get tits LOL

[ludcake]

I think I'm in love with ur oc. do u have any more ocs to share with us?

yes. i do actually!!!

I have so many of them. in the brain

Quick list and you can follow it up with a specific ask about them!!

Alyseris Rogare, a scion of House Rogare long after they lost nearly everything in the Lyseni Spring - all she has is the family name. Daughter of the Old Blood of Volantis. Thinks Westeros fucking sucks compared to Essos - thinks that peasantry and feudalism is just slavery with more steps (and this is bad because it's not *just* slavery). comically missing the point of the cycles of tragedy because whenever the tragedy starts rolling they hop on a boat and skip before it gets too bad. Used to be the wife of a Ghiscari noble but jumped ship and left him with their kid. Actually a trained brava. Incredible gender swag

Lady Asha Codd, of Codd Hall. She has a twin named Yara Codd. They're both married to another set of twins who are their cousins. They might actually all be siblings instead of cousins. She thinks it's a shame that House Codd's words are "Though All Men Do Despise Us". Thinks people should like them better, so she invests her money and house funds into mimicking a Greenlander court. Comically misses the point as the incest, stealing, reaving, thralldom and cannibalism still happen, she's just now prim and proper about it and has a single silken gown she bought from Lannisport and likes staring at the pretty stained glass window that broke when they stole it from a motherhouse. Very much manners forward.

Lord Mors Dustin. Actual total freak. Lord of Barrowton circa Dunk & Egg, so right after the Spring Sickness - everyone in his family died and he's obsessed with it <3 he spends all the money of House Dustin into barrows and graves and turns farmlands into graveyards and knows the cause of death of every major family in their lands at least five generations back. Thinks that the ghosts talk to him sometimes, he actually just has really bad insomnia. Convinced that he'll die under very specific circumstances. Gets into a relationship with a wildling that wants to murder him real bad during the Raymun Redbeard thing. It's cute and very violent

Lenore Sand beloved..... She's an Orphan of the Greenblood. Daughter of a major courtier in the Sunspear court and an Orphan, was raised by her mom until she almost drowned in the greenblood and got sick from it, was dumped on dad's footstep after that. Really keeps to the Rhoynish customs, dreams of getting to do a pilgrimage to the Rhoyne. Also a Greenseer!! But in a weird Rhoynish vibe of being underwater.... merging with fish and turtles and eels and critters. keeps a pet white raven she stole from the citadel that she named after her annoying younger legitimate brother Edgar and makes the raven say bad things in his voice

Lady Eris Hightower. Originally an Oakheart, she married a second son of House Redwyne. It was originally a pretty classic courtly romance, and they got married, but he didn't actually want kids!! And that fucked with her deeply because. Like. That destroys every conceit of womanhood in Westeros, right? And it's not like they have protection, so it's just. Moon tea and moon tea and being on bed half the time until eventually he dies mysteriously :). She marries a widower but childless Lord Hightower and they actually have a pretty good relationship, until he goes off with Daeron the Daring into Dorne with her eldest son and that's a breaking point. She goes full stereotype of an evil lady - she starts sleeping with septas, septons, knights and courtiers, ruling the court while he's at war and occupying Dorne, when he returns she's a little bit pregnant and the baby comes out not really looking like her or the dad, so she dyes her hair to pretend her hair was the right color all along for the kid :) kills her husband again so that's two for two and rules as regent for her children for a good hot second. just everything wrong with feudalism in a single woman. she was driven crazy by it and she's the exact flavour of crazy that only these highly hierarchical and fucked systems can produce.

Florian Storm! This is my less fucked OC but I still love them. They're a Steward of the Night's Watch that thoroughly embezzles the NW's funds to get themselves nice silks and jewellery and trades with the wildlings on the side to get some better food and all that. Bastard from House Trant, was gonna be a maester because they were an awful fighter and their dad hated them for that and being feminine until they beat up an acolyte a bit too much and they died (this is because they were having gay sex on the side and it spiraled out). the fact that they were condemned to hang for murder made their dad very happy and proud of them so they got to pack to the Wall with a nice set of sable gloves and mink cloak. They're just a bit scummy <3

those are the big ones!! I also have a few I haven't developed quite as much like Steffon Pyke, local loser maester who is a meathead but had to struggle through citadel college because the alternative was indentured servitude (they later get involved in colonialism), Alyn Whitewolf, who is a freefolk songstress descended very distantly from Jon in an AU where he stays with the wildlings instead of going back to the NW (her mission is going south to steal a wife <3) and Ser Robert Buckwell, knight of the Kingsguard who is utterly uninterested in anything but straightbaiting girls with his perfect little shining golden armor and big vow to never shed blood (this is why he uses a mace to make sure all the bleeding is internal) while sleeping with another knight of the Kingsguard on the side. he's like if the kingsguard was a boyband for real

[fizzyliciouss]

just found out that posters were put up in toilets in my university in singapore detailing how they have been funding and sending students and doing joint projects with Israel aerospace security sectors that have been used to develop weapons. wanna know what was done after? ntu immediately took them all down "they were not approved" they said. and then promptly filed a police investigation. OVER A FUCKING POSTER. our army also trains with isreali soldiers too btw but any backlash from this? no. cuz u can get sued and put into jail for breaking media laws. so fucking sick of the moral apathy that is so prevalent and normalised and institutionalised in singapore. seeing students all over the world stand their ground gives me so much hope because we are the future. fuck this country and their compliance for maintaining "diplomatic ties". fuck the universities that are literally ranked as the top in asia for preventing any discussion about the genocide. fuck the ppl who think this has nth to do with them so why shld they care right? it's the way that so many of my older gen x malay colleagues say nth and continue to get macs and starbucks. it's the way that so students in my uni were offended and annoyed that those posters were even put up. But you know what you can take our voices away but know we aren't going to be complicit in your evil. idc if we as students are even the minority, we will keep the conversation going. anyway for all countries out there that also have 0 freedom of speech, go get yourself a keffiyeh and wrap it around your bags.

[rainbowgod666]

You know what? I kind of HAVE to expand on this.

I *literally* never thought I could even REMOTELY get to 18 and enjoy it. Now im 19and5months and am going to finish school. I dont care i realized i should've taken art and not psychology (or Human Sciences as we call em here) 5 years too late. Fuck that shit i can be the empath tiktokers think they are

Speaking of school- its VERY FUNNY how so many world events are conjoined to my life events. I started 1st Superior being like "time to Grow tf up then! My mama and papa are right, theres a life outside of my brain and-" WAKEY WAKEY ITS XI JIN PENIS AND HE JUST PULLED OUT OF HIS ASS THE FUNNY LETHAL INFLUENZA HAHAHAJAHAHAJAJAJAJA ENJOY NOT HAVING SOCIAL SKILLS YOU DUMB BIETCHƏ

Life. Just life.

The fuckign song that goes "soon ill be 60 years old" soon my fucking ass immortality will be a thing by the time i get to 50 (supposing it becomes ILLEGAL in america to have any political seat, no matter how local or global, after the age of 50).

The feeling that everyone around you is SO. Fucking incompetent at existing. Like ffs im lazier tmthan sans undertale and weigh like an indian elephant and have no idea what things are yet i know EXACTLY when and how is someone else wrong. Yes its annoying being Worse Cimmerian, thankyouverymuch

G i f t e d K i d B u r n o u t ~

The fact that i genuinely feel better hugging THIS thing

Yeah i canonically own a blahaj.

Anyways.

The problem of society is that everything is extremely fucking fast. That one MatPat video was correct, but its not just youtube.

Its everything

And i will fucking tear to shreds reality itself, heaven and hell, time and space- if i get caught in the fucking squidward destroyer of capitalism.

Its MY rat race. And heavens willing, i WILL have a say in what i get at the end of the lap, and WHEN i get it. Its MY cheese, My rules.

Pirate games, donate to transgender folks who have been kicked out. Read SCP. Vouch for the removal of JKR from everything ever and also a rewrite of HP. Learn how to hack the pentagon, best case scenario you become the new @nyancrimew. Travel the world. If you see a gang of any kind keep a fully loaded machine gun chambered in .50 BMG. Donate blood. Divert all funds from autism speaks (and PLEASE change the shade of blue- i excuse the puzzle piece, as it can be given new meaning. BUT NOT THE DESATURATED ASS DIEP.IO ASS MUFUKIN BLUE BLUES OF FUCKING INSIDE OUT'S SADNESS ASS. FUCK THAT LAME SHIT.) into better ORGs. Vote pro-trans representatives. Visit my country of italy (ignore the screaming youtubers and the multiversal diharrea of memes and hentai). Study for that dream job you've always wanted. Make a youtube channel and say fuck you to the algorythm. Grab old electronics from anywhere you can, salvage them, and megalovania the balls out of technology. Call out anyone that uses the name of God to excuse anything bad and fucking stomp on their skulls like its the last episode of TOH season 2. And to Ouroboros this shit- pirate anything from your childhood.

If you cant get off the chains, use them to choke your oppressors to death.

You know what people don’t talk about often enough? Playing catch up in life after spending your teens or early 20s suicidally depressed. There’s so many more layers than just being able to say “I don’t want to die anymore.”

The difficulty in academia or a career after spending years thinking you wouldn’t be alive long enough for any of it to matter.

The exhaustion that comes from self awareness and self soothing, with the constant voice in your head saying “don’t go backwards.”

How lonely it is to watch the people your age starting families when you’re just barely learning what stable relationships are, and the sudden societal pressure of being “up against a clock” for these kinds of things.

The judgement from others if you change your image or interests this late in the game just because you finally figured out who you really are under the demons.

Be kind to those who are developing and blooming after years of not planning on being here long. We are living a life we absolutely didn’t think we’d have, and it’s hard enough without society reminding us there’s expectations of our age.

We didn’t get to be young; we were too busy fighting battles few know.

-

[am3ricanj3sus]

this long as fuck ruining the vibes

i feel like my leadership teacher is very disappointed in me i kinda feel bad. i didnt show up on time on friday for us to set up some stuff and its like fuck. ik like life but also i dont feel that bad because why tf am i the only one popping my pussy for this class like damn. i quite literally planned this spirit week on my own, had help from like 6 people in the class when planning and volunteered for all the activities we did. its like. im not ever an og member of this class and the "og's" arent even doing what they should be doing outside of the main activity we do like wtf. and like i love this class with all my heart cause it gets me out of class but this is a LEADERship class why dafuq yall not acting like leaders. like the teacher literally talked to us about how we have to be on our game this sem and its like did no one listen. and i dont wanna be the girl that like "guys lets be serious we need to lock in" cause like its never that serious but at the same time i tired of busting my ass just to have everyone chime in on taking credit for whats done. AND ALSO OMG FUCKING GOD IM GONNA KICK THIS GUYS ASS HOLY FUCK. hes so annoying i cant actually. so like in the class we separated us into teams for like social media, admin, funds, projects stuff like that. so this guy on the admin team i have like another class with and hes always like "im ur boss u should listen to me" BOYYYYY IF YOU DONT SHUT THE FUCK UP AND REALLY DO SOME FUCKING WORK IM GONNA KICK UR ASS. and like ik he does do work he writes down stuff from like the main activity we do and thats like important but he never volunteers for events, he's only worked like 2 events and when he did he got his ass out of there as soon as he could and over all he just sucks the only good thing about him is his height for when we do posters tf. also used to have a crush on him for the longest time so that why i have alot of hatred for him. but llike ugh

[4unnyr0se]

post time skip kenma where he’s a party (work event so he’s dressed up) and reader (famous model) is flirting with him so he’s like ok fuck it and takes her home and fucks her??? idk if that’s good 😭

❥ meddle about | kenma kozume

warnings: timeskip! kenma, fem! reader, model! reader, mentions of alcohol, car sex, blowjob, hickeys/marking, spanking, riding, slight titplay, lewd language, very brief lev x reader, haiba siblings, yaku, kuroo, and yamamoto mentioned, unprotected sex

MDNI | 18+ content

word count -> 4.8k

a/n: omg im literally so sorry i didn't get to this request sooner!! anyways i hope u like it, i'm sorry if the ending feels a little rushed

got a request? my asks are open!

❥ song: meddle about - chase atlantic

Kenma Kozume wasn’t the biggest party fan. Honestly? He really hated them. He hated the loud music (which was not in good taste, he might add), he hated most of the people who attended these kinds of events, and he absolutely hated the food that was served. Seriously, what’s with all the fancy hors d’oeuvres?  It’s just expensive fish and sausage on a stick that disappears in two bites. Kenma could never figure out why people went crazy over such small bites.

So when he received an email that he was to attend an evening party with the rest of his co-workers from Bouncing Ball, he wasn’t exactly thrilled. Kenma immediately sent an email that he wouldn’t be in attendance, to which he was digitally slapped across the face with a reply that stated that the daughter of one of his investors would be there. Some famous model who worked with the Haiba siblings was apparently an up-and-comer in the industry. Kenma groaned and buried his face in his hands. Not only did he have to attend a social event, he also had to interact with someone who worked with Lev. What if you were just as annoying as he was?

Kenma, with his trademark indifference, reluctantly wore a suit and red tie, a rare sight in his wardrobe. His half-bun hairdo was a clear sign of his lack of enthusiasm. He had no intention of engaging in any conversation at the event unless it was absolutely necessary. 

Eventually, he arrived at the event, handing his car keys to a valet who looked incredibly nervous to be seeing him. Maybe the poor boy was a fan? It didn’t matter. Kenma shrugged it off as he walked inside, immediately greeted by the service staff holding trays of only God knows what. Various champagnes and wines were undoubtedly decades old, accompanied by the tiniest servings of hors d’oeuvres he had ever seen. Even the toothpicks were fancy. What a bunch of stuck-up jerks.

He walked through the event, ignoring the various waves and hellos he received from people he didn’t know. Honestly, Kenma shouldn’t be surprised one bit. He was famous, after all. But he didn’t want to interact with anyone, he didn’t want to be here. Finally, he discovered a corner of the ballroom that was conveniently devoid of service staff and trust fund babies. He leaned against the decorated wall and stuck his hands in his pockets, humming to himself while his golden cat-like eyes stared at the hardwood beneath his loafers. Hopefully, the night would go by quickly, and he could return to his paradise of hoodies and sweatpants. 

“Kenma! Is that you?” his ears perked up at the familiar voice, an unpleasant look gracing his sharp features. Lev eagerly barreled over to Kenma’s hiding spot sporting a bright grin. “I haven’t seen you since you graduated from Nekoma! If I knew you would be here, I would have asked my stylist to get us matching suits!” Lev leaned against the wall, towering over Kenma’s small stature. “How’ve you been, man?”

“Oh, hi Lev,” Kenma softly spoke, begrudgingly making eye contact with the Russian. “Uh, I’ve been fine. Business is good, I guess.” he shrugged his shoulders.

“Well, that’s obviously an understatement,” Lev smacked Kenma on his back. “You trade stocks, dude! You’re a streamer, and you just graduated from college! Your business isn’t good, it’s great!” 

“Mm, you’re loud,” Kenma rubbed his ears in annoyance. “But thanks, I guess. I see you haven’t changed since high school.”

“Yup, I’m a model!” Lev placed his hands on his hips in pride. “I usually do solo work, but I’ll occasionally shoot with Alisa. Oh, and this new girl! She’s from America, and she’s super hot.” Lev chuckled, his green eyes twinkling. “She’s here too, y’know. I could get her for you if you want.”

“Oh, that’s not-”

“I’ll be right back!” 

Kenma groaned and bit down on his bottom lip, snatching a glass of wine that a member of the service staff brought over to him. Out of all people, why did Lev have to be there? It would have made more sense for Yaku or Kuroo. Hell, even Yamamoto would feel more appropriate here than Lev.

Not even a minute passed before Lev returned to annoy Kenma again, dragging a young woman by the wrist who looked slightly confused. Kenma nearly choked on his wine once he laid his eyes upon you. It was no wonder you were a model, you were absolutely gorgeous. The dress you wore only accentuated your curves, and the shade of red you wore complimented your skin tone wonderfully. “Kenma! This is who I work with! Say hi!” Lev wrapped his arm around your waist, his thumb rubbing the velvet fabric. 

Kenma’s brow was raised as he shook your hand, admiring how your choice of nail polish matched your dress. “Oh, hi. Kenma Kozume, I used to go to high school with Lev.”

“I know, he’s told me so many stories!” you giggled, patting Lev on the chest. “I can’t believe you used to be a setter. According to Lev, you were really lazy.” 

“Yup, he never wanted to do any work!” Kenma shot Lev a dirty glance. “Uh, I mean, he was a really good setter. Nekoma won a lot of games because of him.” Lev adjusted the collar of his dress shirt nervously.

“Oh, my mistake. Sorry for calling you lazy.” you awkwardly chuckled, looking down at the ground in shame. 

Kenma shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. It’s honestly better if you don’t believe anything Lev says. He was the worst guy on our team.” his golden eyes glanced at Lev’s hand placement again, noticing how you hadn’t shooed him away. Were you and Lev dating? Models date each other all the time, it wasn’t out of the ordinary. “Lev, can you get her a glass of wine? You’re being rude.”

Lev snapped both of his fingers and winked. “You got it!”

The streamer sighed in relief as Lev wandered off to find a staff member. He ran his painted nails through his hair. “God, I thought he would never leave.” Kenma took another sip of his wine. “So, what’s working with Lev like?

“Oh, he’s a pain in my ass.” you groaned, crossing your arms and rolling your eyes. “But we work closely together, so he’s grown on me. He’s annoying, but he’s my closest coworker.”

“So, the two of you aren’t dating?” Kenma raised an eyebrow.”

“Oh, God, no.” you snorted, covering your mouth with your hand. “I wouldn’t date him if he was the last man on Earth.”

Kenma chuckled, his gaze drifting to your exposed cleavage for a moment. “It’s just that Lev is so touchy with you. Sorry for assuming.”

“Lev is touchy with everyone, he can’t help it. He’s a flirt, but he’s not a creep, so I can’t really complain. Plus, he tells people he’s my boyfriend when someone I’m not interested in is flirting with me.” you smiled, placing your hands behind your back. “Lev is sweet but isn’t my type at all.”

“What’s your type then?” Kenma asked, a tinge of pink dancing on his face.

“If I’m being honest? You.” you gazed at Kenma through your eyelashes. “I think you’re really cute, seriously cute. I like how you seem to hate being here as much as I do.” you blushed, fidgeting with the many rings on your fingers.

Kenma bit down on his lower lip. “You hate being here too?”

“I despise it,” you groaned, taking a bold step closer. “My manager forced me to be here with Lev to scout out possible designers who would want to collaborate with us, but it’s just a bunch of dickheads. Sorry for the harsh language, but that’s what they are. Dickheads.”

Chuckling, Kenma brushed some of his long hair off of his shoulder. “Tell me about it. They’re all a bunch of fucking idiots. They’re probably only successful because of their parents. Not me, though. I work for everything I have.” 

You smiled. “Me too. I was scouted when I was still living in America. I miss my home, but Japan isn’t too bad. I can get a reasonably priced riceball whenever I want.” you placed a hand on his bicep, squeezing slightly. “And I get to meet cuties like you, too. That’s my favorite part.”

Kenma blushed and smirked, placing his glass of wine down on a nearby standing table. “So, you’re into self-made nerds?” he tugged on your hand, pulling you closer to his form. You were barely shorter than him, the top of your head just under his nose. Kenma breathed in the scent of your shampoo, sighing at the aroma. Roses and black cherry, an incredibly seductive perfume. Did you smell like this all the time?

“You bet I am,” you purred, placing his hand on your waist. “I’m so into nerds.”

“Fuck,” Kenma softly moaned, squeezing the fabric of your dress in a similar way to Lev. “Wanna get out of here? Since we both hate it so much.” 

You nodded and gripped his wrist. “I thought you’d never ask. Lead the way.”

Kenma pulled you close to his form and slowly wrapped his arm around your shoulder, earning some stares from those in the crowd of the wealthy. He ignored them, squeezing your shoulder every once in a while as the two of you eventually made your way to the valet station. Kenma handed him his ticket and made an ushering gesture. 

“Okay, damn.” the valet walked to the garage and pulled Kenma’s car around, giving him a quizzical look. “Fucking rich people.”

“Hey, I heard that,” Kenma said, closing his car door as you entered the passenger seat. “I’m staying at a hotel just a few minutes away, do you wanna go there?”

“Why would you rent a hotel room and have your car with you?”

“Sometimes I don’t think. Do you wanna go back to my hotel room or not?”

“How about,” you whispered, leaning over the car’s divider. “You find a parking lot, and we make out for a bit? Then we can go back to your hotel,” you nibbled on the shell of his ear. “And have some fun?”

His hands grasped onto the steering wheel, breath catching in his throat. “Fuck,” he mumbled, turning on his car. “Let’s find a damn parking lot. Now.”

You giggled and put on your seatbelt, looking out the window as Kenma drove off to find an empty lot. Not many were in a city as populated as Tokyo, but he eventually found one near a construction site. Sure, he was technically trespassing, but he wasn’t above bribing a security guard if it meant he got to make out with a model in his car. 

Kenma pulled into the white lines and turned his key, shutting off the car. He unbuckled his seatbelt and slid his seat back, giving you ample room. “So, are we doing this or what?” he breathed huskily, his eyes dark and filled with desire. 

You giggled and practically jumped into his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck to secure your position. Your plump, red lips hovered above his chapped ones, exchanging hot breath. “Your turn, cutie.”

Kenma smirked slightly before pressing his lips to yours, his hands securing themselves on your waist again. He groaned into the kiss, adoring the sensation of your lipstick. You tasted cherries; did you prefer that fruit more than any other? The kiss was not gentle or caring, it was animalistic and hungry. Electricity surged between your lips as Kenma practically devoured your own, the roughness of his palms being felt as he sneakily slipped his hands underneath your velvet dress so he may have a sneak peek at your delicate curves. The two of you clung to each other in desperation, the tension that was formed when Lev was fetching wine finally snapping. 

Your hands flung for purchase in Kenma’s chestnut strands, tugging on them harshly. He whimpered into your kiss, his hands wandering downwards to your ass. He squeezed it quickly, annoyed by the black lacy stockings and underwear that covered it. You squealed at the sensation, ripping away from the kiss in shock.

“Fuck, I’m sorry! I didn’t know if I was allowed to-” he was cut off by your index finger touching his now red-stained lips.

“Your hands are just cold, that’s all,” you assured him, your finger pulling down his bottom lip. “The temperature change was just a shock.”

Kenma sighed in relief, squeezing your ass once more. “Mm, I could get used to this,” he mumbled, grasping your jaw tightly with his left hand. “Should we continue fogging up my car, or can we get back to my hotel room so I can see this pretty body sprawled out on my bed, hm?”

You moaned at Kenma’s newfound confidence. Or maybe it was always there, waiting to be freed like a lion in a cage. “Can we stay here for a while longer, please?” you kissed the side of his neck, leaving a new lipstick mark. “Ravish each other for only a bit longer…”

Kenma tilted his head to the side, giving you better access to his neck. “Whatever you want, pretty girl.” he sighed in pleasure as your lips made contact with his neck once more, his cock growing harder in his dress pants.

You smirked at the dark sounds he was making, sliding your hands under his dress shirt to run your long nails up and down his abs. Kenma was thin, but he had lean muscle. He briefly gasped as your warm fingers danced across his abdomen, mouth left slightly agape as you made the bold choice to nibble on his sensitive neck.

“Oh, do you like that?” you teased, your hands leaving his abs to tug on his hair again. “I never pegged you for someone who likes being bitten.”

“You just met me,” Kenma breathed, pulling you away from his neck. “There’s a lot about me that you don’t know.” his hand gripped your hair, forcefully tugging your neck to the side. “For example,” his breath tickled your neck. “That I bite back. Hard.”

You yelped as his sharp teeth grazed your skin, his lips sucking gently on the spot just above your jugular. You instinctively bucked your hips across his thigh, earning a deep chuckle from him. “Do you like getting bitten, pretty girl?” he pulled away, kissing the spot where he suckled. 

“Very much,” your hands cupped his face, thumbs running over his cheekbones. “Can we get back to your hotel now? You got me all hot and bothered.”

Kenma sighed reluctantly and rested his head on his head. “Well, you got me all bothered, too,” he gestured to the tent in his pants. “I can’t drive until it goes down. I’ll be too…distracted.” he raised an eyebrow. 

“Oh,” you blinked, looking down at the tent between his legs. “Do you want some help with that?” you tilted your head to the side, smiling mischievously.

Kenma chuckled. “If you’re offering, be my fucking guest.” he took off his belt and placed it on the passenger seat. “Uh, we should probably do this in the back. There’s more room up there anyways.”

You giggled and happily hoisted yourself into the backseat, dragging Kenma along with you. He grunted as he hit the expensive leather backing of his car, quickly becoming distracted as you got on your knees and sank below him. “Fuck, you look so pretty like that,” he mumbled, his right hand tangling itself in your hair. “Don’t keep me waiting, baby. The sooner you suck me off, the sooner I can drive us back to my hotel,” his voice dropped to a deep whisper. “And the sooner I can make you bounce on this cock.”

Your hands trembled as you pawed at the hem of his pants, tugging them down to his ankles. He wore slick, black boxers that had a wet spot at the very top, undoubtedly caused by the precum leaking from his cock. You gasped as his cock sprang free from entrapment, slapping beautifully against his shirt.

Kenma groaned as the hot air of the car hit his leaking cock, the pretty pink head gushing with precum. Your fingers curled around the base of his cock, running up and down the pulsating vein. He let out a low groan as you stroked him gently, sending shivers down your spine. He was painfully hard, practically throbbing in your hand. 

“Be a good girl,” Kenma murmured in a low rumble. “And suck it.”

You opened your mouth, your tongue poking out to lick his tip, gathering the precum on your wet muscle. It was salty and bitter and yet so incredibly addicting. You took him in your mouth, your tongue swirling in circles around the head. His hips bucked forward, nearly causing you to choke on his length. 

“Shit, you got some mouth on you,” Kenma’s grip tightened in your hair. “M’not sure if I’m gonna last for much longer.”

You simply hummed as you licked the underside of his shaft, reveling in how he felt on your tongue. Your jaw slowly ached from being open for so long, but you didn’t care. All that mattered right then was sucking Kenma’s cock like it was your life’s mission. His hand clenched your hair, pulling your mouth further onto his cock until you were choking on his length, his hips bucking slowly into your mouth in desperate chase of his release. 

“F-fuck! Sorry baby, didn’t mean to fuck your mouth,” Kenma whimpered, the sensation of the head of his cock hitting the back of your throat driving him wild. “God, but you look so good taking all of me. I’m gonna cum on your tongue, yeah?” you frantically nodded, tears swelling up in your eyes as his cock abused your throat over and over again. 

With a final pulse in your mouth, Kenma came. You whimpered at the thick liquid entering your mouth, pooling at the back of your tongue. He groaned as he pulled you off of his length, his face incredibly flushed. “Don’t swallow yet,” he commanded. “Show me.” 

You stuck your tongue out, showing Kenma his seed that gathered on your tongue so wonderfully. He moaned at the sight, letting go of your hair. “Good girl. You can swallow now.” you nodded, swallowing his release slowly. It was still bitter and salty, but you wouldn’t mind doing it again. 

“Oh, it’s…different,” you tried to hide your grimace, aiming instead to shrivel your nose. “Really different.”

“If my cum tastes bad, you can just say that,” Kenma got himself dressed, fumbling his way to the driver's seat. “I don’t really have the best diet, I’m sorry about that.”

You chuckled and climbed to get in the passenger seat, your hair now thoroughly tangled and knotted. “It was one of the more bitter loads I’ve swallowed over the years.”

“Over the years, eh?” Kenma pushed the gas pedal, following the GPS coordinates to his hotel. “So you’re experienced?”

“Yeah, I am,” you crossed your arms, growing defensive. “If you don’t like that, I can go as soon as we get to the hotel.”

“What? No. I don’t care how many guys you’ve fucked.” Kenma rolled his eyes, his fingers tapping his steering wheel. “It’s none of my business. Why should I care?”

“Some guys care about that,” you responded.

“Well, not me.” Kenma shrugged as he pulled into the valet parking of the hotel, getting out of the car. He opened the door for you, wrapping an arm around your waist again. “Park it over there if you can,” he instructed the valet. “If you can manage to get it out of the sun in the morning, you’ll get a nice tip.”

As the valet made off with his car, you looked at the small bruise you left on his neck. It was cute and tiny, just like he was. As you entered the hotel lobby, you gasped, admiring the gorgeous dangling crystal chandelier. “

“Wow, this is gorgeous,” you breathed, grasping onto Kenma’s bicep. “I’ve stayed at fancy hotels before, but this beats all of them combined.” you looked at him briefly. “I forgot how rich you are.”

Kenma chuckled and walked you to the elevator. His hand firmly grasped your waist. “I don’t really put that much into my appearance if you haven’t noticed,” he smirked, selecting the seventh-floor button. The elevator dinged as you felt it rise up, getting distracted by the various mirrors in the small machine. “Hey, what if we made out in here, hm? We can press the emergency stop button.” you wiggled your eyebrows.

Kenma shook his head, squeezing your waist in assurance. “Nah, they have cameras in here. If the tape got out, our careers would be over,” his voice dropped to a whisper. “Although, I’d really like it if we fucked in front of a mirror sometime.”

“Maybe we will. It depends on how much I enjoy tonight.” you winked. 

The elevator dinged as you reached the seventh floor. Kenma practically pulled you out of it and dragged you to his room. He fumbled with the keycard as sweat dripped from his brow. He smirked as the key unlocked, pushing you inside. 

You giggled as you stumbled into his room, being granted only a moment to admire the elegant decor before his lips were upon yours again. One of his hands rested on your upper back while the other on your lower, his lips moving furiously with yours. You whimpered into the kiss, stumbling across the room with him until your behind met his tall mattress. Kenma broke the kiss and smirked, pushing you onto the mattress with a chuckle.

You giggled, the silky sheets enveloping you. Kenma took off your expensive heels and placed them on the ground next to his dress shoes, shrugging off his suit jacket in the process. “It’ll only get in the way,” he grunted, unbuttoning his shirt as well. “I’ve been waiting for too damn long only to get cockblocked by a stupid jacket.”

You smiled and took off your dress, tossing the expensive velvet fabric on the floor. Kenma’s breath hitched in his throat, biting his lip at seeing you in only black stockings and lingerie. “Holy shit,” he whispered, quickly taking off the rest of his clothes. “I can see why you’re a model. Fucking hell.”

He slammed his lips onto yours once more, his tongue prodding desperately for entrance to your cavern. You happily obliged, fingers entangling themselves in his chestnut strands again. Your teeth clashed in the molten kiss as he shamelessly explored your mouth, his typically lazy mannerisms being overcome with want for you. 

Kenma pulled away, gasping desperately for air. He wiped his mouth of any saliva that had gotten loose and firmly grasped your arms, rolling you over so you were on top. “Fuck,” he groaned, squeezing your thighs. “Fucking ride me, pretty girl. I need to you fucking badly.”

You smirked and shimmied off of his lap, pulling down your stockings and panties. You remained only in your bra, earning a disapproving look from Kenma. “Take that off too,” he ordered, feeling greedy. “I wanna see those tits bounce as you ride my cock.” 

You bit down on your lip and flung your bra to the opposite side of the room, your nipples growing hard as soon as the cold air of the hotel graced your chest. Kenma sighed, admiring your gorgeous naked form in front of him. It made perfect sense that you were a model. You were stunning. Every freckle and beauty spot made you that much more desirable. 

“So damn pretty,” Kenma’s hips involuntarily bucked in the air.

You giggled and squeezed your breasts, crawling back onto his lap. Your nails peeled his boxers off, letting his cock spring free once more. “Fuck, you’re hard again? Do you need more time to recover?” you asked.

“Hell no,” Kenma firmly grasped the base of his cock, pumping it with his fist. “I just need you to sit on it and ride me all night long. C’mon, pretty girl.”

You nodded and hovered above his cock, pausing momentarily. “By the way, I’m on the pill. Don’t worry.” 

Kenma began to smile, the expression being cut short and replaced with a look of euphoria as you slowly sunk onto his cock, mouth slightly agape as you struggled to adjust to his size. He wasn’t that girthy, but he was fucking long. 

“Shit,” you whimpered, leaning forward so your hands could find purchase in the bedsheets. “My throat could barely handle you. Fuck, you’re long.”

Kenma groaned as your greedy pussy took in all his length, begrudgingly giving you a moment to adjust to his size. “Do you feel good, pretty girl?” he squeezed one of your tits tightly. 

You nodded. “Yeah, you feel so fucking good.”

Kenma smirked, slapping your ass harshly. “So fucking ride me, I gotta see those tits bouncing in my face.”

You lifted your hips and plunged downwards quickly, grimacing slightly. Your hands chose to support themselves on his toned chest, using him to stabilize yourself as you slowly rose your hips up and down on his length, taking your sweet time.

Kenma sighed as his cock slid in and out of you, quickly growing annoyed with how gentle you were being with him. “Am I too much for you to handle, pretty?” his voice dripped with mockery.

“K-kind of. Fuck,” you groaned, trying to sink up and down faster.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.” his hands lifted you off of his cock before mercilessly slamming you back down, filling you up so perfectly. You cried out, the sensation almost sending you over the edge and into nirvana. You arched your back, your fingers clawing at his chest.

“God, you’re dripping all over my stomach,” he huffed, pulling your torso closer to connect with his own. “So fucking sexy.”

You wriggled above him, moan after sensual moan being ripped from your lungs as Kenma slams you down on his cock over and over again, his balls colliding with your ass. “Fuck!” you sobbed, grasping, arching your back once more so your tits bounced in Kenma’s face. 

“Fucking perfect,” Kenma growled, feeling his cock twitch inside of you. The way the walls of your cunt milked his cock so desperately, he knew the two of you were close. “You wanna fucking cum with me, pretty baby? Make a mess all over like a good little slut? You know you want to.” his hand left your hips, grasping tightly onto your jaw. “Fucking say it.”

“I wanna make a mess all over your cock, Kenma! Shit!” you threw your head back, euphoria slowly approaching. 

“Good fucking girl,” Kenma tugged your jaw down, kissing you harshly as his orgasm washed over him. He groaned into your mouth, his cum eagerly filling you up with a pleasantly warm sensation. Your pussy milked him for all he was worth, happily squeezing his throbbing shaft.

“Shit!” you whimpered, shuddering as you felt nirvana as well. Your release coated his member, coming off of him with a wet popping sound. 

“Damn, that was really fucking good,” Kenma groaned as you rolled off of him, laying beside him on the massive bed. “You are…so fucking pretty. I’m glad I met you at that party.” he offered you a weak smile. 

“Me too, it was nice,” you smiled in return, kissing him on the cheek. “I assume I’m staying the night?” 

“Obviously,” Kenma rolled his eyes, pulling you closer to his sweaty form. “It would be a dick move not to cuddle you after I fucked your brains out.”

You giggled. “I’m glad,” the room smelled of sex and desire, the atmosphere thick with compensated tension. You yawned, curling yourself impossibly closer to him. “Well, I’m beat. See you tomorrow.” you closed your eyes, allowing the room's warmth to overtake you.

“Yeah, see you tomorrow,” Kenma mumbled, falling asleep soon afterward.

You woke up to the buzzing of your phone, groaning in annoyance. “What fucking time is it…” you mumbled, reaching onto the ground to collect your device from your dress pocket. Your eyes barely open, you stared at your lock screen at an assault of missed texts and calls. “Oh fuck.”

“Hm? What’s up?” Kenma yawned, rubbing his eyes.

“We forgot about Lev.” you plainly stated, gulping anxiously. 

Kenma shrugged his shoulders, crawling to your side of the bed. He wrapped his arms around your waist, kissing your cheek. “So what? He’s not our problem.”

You smiled, giggling at his peppering of kisses. “Yeah, I guess he isn’t.”

[avo-kat]

ok so ive started watching ultra q and its actually p fun?

theres no ultraman in here, but thats actually kinda cool, too?

cuz instead of super hero coming and saving the day its just normal people running into a monster and going "oh shit oh fuck oh no what are gonna die oh shit we are gonna die fuck what should we do" and they somehow make it through

the main characters are a woman working as a newspaper reporter/photographer. in the first ep she almost died to a monster induced cave in and monster attack and in the third ep when she heard about another monster sighting she immediately volunteered to go and take photos

and when they do find the monster - and two dead guys, nobody really reacts with a lot of shock or fear - and they start running, she just stops to take some pictures

the other characters are... employees at an airport? mituya air service it said on one poster.

its funny how theres barely any explanation. nobody says who anybody is. one guy picks up a ringing phone and just "yes hello this is the office"

one guy that seems to wear a cop uniform is being questioned by reporters about some object falling into the ocean and just says "ah yes we shot a rocket to mars 6 months ago, this is the capsule that came back"

like. who is this guy? no name used. he didnt introduce himself. is this the government? military? i have no idea.

i guess watchers back in 1966 would have known based on the uniform? maybe?

also reporter girl and airport guy are both wearing some eagle patch on their clothes. but they work at different places? are both places gov funded? how does a newspaper company keep on hiring airplanes and helicopters?

the real mystery is figuring out the setting lol.

and even though the show is super old, the production quality is obviously extremely high and it still looks absolutely amazing now. and whats more: the episodes themselves feel fresh. or maybe its because i dont watch stuff like that.

but in ep 3 they encounter a monster snail from mars and they run away from it. pilot guy shoots at it with a gun (so military after all? or does he just carry a gun? why did pilot guy go in with reporter girl to check out the monster? is that in his job description? what kinda job is that?) until he runs out of bullets. then he straight up throws the gun at the snail.

thats hilarious? like, i wouldnt be surprised seeing it nowadays. it would be a bit tiring in a comedy show, but played straight in a monster show its kinda refreshing.

and they kept running away from the snail on this steep cliffs until it... accidentally fell down into the ocean. where it dissolved. probably because of the salt? thats fucking hilarious.

like its not a deep show, the episodes are only 25min, the formula seems pretty basic, so dont expect a masterpiece or anything, but its kinda entertaining.

also look at this?

they took out the capsule and then we have... this scene of people gathered in a space themed room. and they have name plates. "doctor". "observer". "press". thats so stupid its funny?

also no explanation given who is who and what is even this.

at the end of this scene the doc just gives us the theory that the capsule and the stuff inside (modern fabric and two gold eggs) came from the future? he did not elaborate any further.

like. the future?

thats... your theory?

at least thats what the subs say.

and later...

???

ok so we just agree aliens are on mars and aliens send them snail eggs? and the world... moves on? i guess it will come up but. lol. they are just sitting there and chilling. thats so funny.

docs says the aliens could be annoyed that humans are sending out rockets. lol. what. lol. doctor where did u study alienology. "its just a hypothesis". ok thanks.

second pilot guy suggests to befriend the alien society.

yuri straight up tells him it prob wont be possible, cuz humans suck since theres still racial discrimination, they still have wars and human trafficking and earth prob needs to get more peaceful.

lmaoooo

second pilot guy, ippei, picked up a lil gold ball at the office and put a chain on it and gifted it to yuri. bro??? omfg. you find gold at the office and just... take it? lol.

the end is just... "as humans will continue their space exploration more monsters will come. alas."

amazing. 10/10.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[hwajoongie]

just bought a kun pc 😔😔😔😔

[azucarian]

Helloooo!! How are you? Anyways, i saw your hc toman's big sis, and i was wondering if u could do it with izana and kakucho? if its not too much to ask ofc!

I’m doing amazing sweetheart! and oh my god yes <3 Please I think Izana tops for one of my favourite characters so thanks for requesting this ~

Their big sister is here to raise them, even if she didn’t do the best job, and they appreciate her for it (Part 2)

Characters — Izana Kurokawa, Kakuchou Hitto

FEMALE READER

MANGA SPOILERS

Masterlist

✰ honestly, you chalked their clinginess down to the fact they were orphans - kakuchou had lost his family in the tragic car accident that gave him his scar, and izana had never truly had a family (except shinichiro, who constantly talked about mikey 24/7)

✰ honestly, (name) doesn’t really remember how it happen - one minute she’s an orphan, and the next she has two younger brothers who literally do not leave her alone

✰ being 16 at the time, she didn’t expect izana (12) and kakuchou (8) to approach her and ‘befriend’ her - over the course of about a week, the two boys had grown so emotionally attached to her and called her ‘big sister’

✰ okay ngl you’d probably meet shinichiro once and get really annoyed with him and shout at him for talking about manjiro when izana is right there - you’d probably express your absolute distaste for him, and then you’d probably have an argument with izana over it

✰ he called you a terrible big sister, and said you weren’t even really his family

✰ you ignored him all week and, finally, he caved and hugged you tightly - telling you he was really sorry and he shouldn’t have said it (you forgave him, obviously)

✰ honestly, the moment you hit 18 you probably provided izana with his first ever real home and gave kakuchou his new home - you saved up all your money from odd jobs, and from being a governmentally funded orphan

✰ they probably both cried, a lot 

✰ when izana first saw his ‘mom’ at that casino, you were probably with him to witness the whole thing - and you’ve never slapped a bitch so hard in your life

✰ that’s when you got your first assault charge, and your first strike on your criminal record

✰ big sister duties go brr

✰ now, in terms of kakuchou - he was just a really loyal and emotionally driven person, and that made him really adorable to you

✰ he will wholeheartedly express his feelings on his face, he can’t help it

✰ “kakuchou, did you take cookies from the jar again?” “no...?” “babes, i can see the guilty on your face just admit it”

✰ izana going to juvie definitely put a rift in your relationship with him - and that honestly hurt him

✰ you didn’t do it out of spitefulness, you simply felt as if you had failed him

✰ thankfully, kakuchou told izana so the boy wasn’t mad at you - and you both spoke about it during one of your weekly visits

✰ now, as soon as he got out of juvie, you were 22 and he was 18 - kakuchou was still only 14 (adorable)

✰ you were their first call if anything went wrong and, oh to hell, it went wrong constantly

✰ “sis, can you come pick me up?” “yeah sure bud, from where?” “... i’m in an alleyway, really beat up, dunno where though” “’zana are you fucking kidding me-”

✰ forward to the tenjiku incident - you never trusted kisaki in the first place and, although you made that very apparent to your little brothers, they ignored you

✰ so it’s like, second nature to keep an eye on the slimy fuck

✰ that’s how you see the gun

✰ kisaki managed to shoot kakuchou - you couldn’t stop that in time, HOWEVER

✰ better fucking believe that big sis stepped in front of both of her little brothers to defend them

✰ heart?? broken?? yes

✰ even though you’re hella injured and literally dying, you cradle both of your babies and whisper comforting words to them both - izana wailing into your shoulder like the fragile little boy he used to be, and kakuchou desperately clinging onto you in order to ground you to earth; you aren’t allowed to leave them

✰ jealous izana? yes, jealous izana - you’re his and kakuchou’s big sister... but he guess he could share, because he’s so nice

✰ thankfully, you live - and the bright look on both of their faces was one you’d cherish, and you promised that you wouldn’t do something like that again (it’s a lie, we all know you’d jump in front of anything to save those two)

✰ you make it your aim to ignite a relationship between mikey and izana - and you kinda become a big sister to mikey as well, as that ‘pillar of comfort’ he needed after the sudden loss of emma

✰ both hate you for dating wakasa - thinks he’s too old for you (literally, you’re 24 and wakasa is 27 it’s hardly an age gap for adults-)

✰ have tried to beat him up once or twice - and failed

✰ looks like wakasa is their big brother in law now LMAO

[pesiko]

JAEHYUN SERIES RECS

⇨ ongoing | ✔ completed

Balance of Us (sns AU) {19} ✔

Jung Jaehyun is the beloved captain of your university’s basketball team. You’re a freshman in the school ballet company and somehow get roped into giving him dance lessons. The issue is that your brother is Lee Taeyong aka Jaehyun’s on-court rival, who broke his little sister’s heart. That’s where you, revenge, and a little bet come into play. @solecize

Beyond the Palace Walls {10} ✔

Your father, the King, had always been highly protective of you. @prettywordsyouleft

Breathless (sns AU) {25} ✔

Jaehyun walks Johnny’s dogs for some extra cash, y/n is an unemployed psycho who likes to break into his house and eat all of his cheerios. When Jaehyun meets y/n, his life is turned into a series of very unfortunate events. @peachyuns

Broken {9} ✔

He punched hard, fought with all he had. He fought until he got you and fought until he lost you. @sugarjaee

Chlorine Dreams (sns AU) {15} ✔

There’s been a long standing rivalry at your school between the basketball team and the swim team. The swim team has been undefeated for 4 years, whereas the basketball team hasn’t won a game in 3. Every year the basketball team ends up with all of the funding for the athletics department whereas half of the school doesn’t even know the swim team exists. With a bet that Jaehyun wouldn’t even be able to finish a swim practice, y/n threatens the existence of both of their teams. @dahyunmingyu

Close as Strangers (sns AU) {17} ✔

Where Jung Jaehyun can’t decide whether he enjoyed spoiling your day or he just couldn’t show you how much he actually enjoyed being around you. @hyuckflirts

Dangerously {5} ⇨

You were polar opposites. He was royalty, you were a criminal. You hated him, he hated you. This mission was the last thing any of you wanted, but you had to make it work. @yesnanasbaby

Dusk Till Dawn {14} ⇨

After finding out that her entire family syndicate has been practically eradicated by a new, rising enemy, and that she is one of the only two survivors, Y/N is left with the responsibility and the legacy of the company hanging heavy on her shoulders. With the persuasions of an old friend, the charm of a new ally and a captivation with an enigmatic assassin, she joins the notorious group ‘U’ in a hope to restore her family’s dignity, and to squash the new opposition before they can bring the same fate to any other organisation in South Korea. @iridesuhnce

End to Start (sns AU) {13} ⇨

You work part-time at a small karaoke cafe during the night shift. Every month on the 18th, a brown haired boy wearing a suit, carrying flowers in his hands, always came in at exactly 10PM. He stays for two hours, playing the same song repeatedly before leaving. On a warm July night of the 18th, you told yourself that tonight you will talk to the boy. Can you free the shackles on the boy from the ghost that haunts him or is he long past saving? @bunny-doyounq

Fly Away with Me (sns AU) {24} ✔

When Johnny’s little sister flies all the way from chicago to live with his brother and college friends, their once peaceful apartment gets disrupted by an extremely annoyed Jaehyun who can’t seem to stop being mean to Johnny’s sister. @cupofjae

Healing {9} ⇨

You adored your mother, but sometimes, well sometimes she should have minded her own freaking business. Or, when paying your apartment bills becomes almost impossible, you manage to find a job in the infamous 127 Tower, which the Jung Family owns. Not as a secretary or as the cleaning lady, but as Jung Jaehyun’s daughter babysitter. @nctream

Let Me Know ✔

A recollection of all the times you’ve fallen in love with your best friend Jung Jaehyun, the times where you hopelessly pine after him, and the times where he starts to fall in love with you too. @ppangjae

Minor Inconvenience {4} ⇨

Spilling coffee all over a stranger only to find out that said stranger is your lab professor is your worst nightmare brought to life. You wish you were joking. @ppangjae

On the Rebound (sns AU) {12} ⇨

In an attempt to finally move on from his ex-girlfriend, basketball star Jeong Jaehyun reaches out to Y/N, who he knows has a crush on him. @whispersatdawn

Pact (sns AU) {15} ✔

What would happen if these two childhood best friends started to secretly ruin each other’s relationships in order to stay together because of a pact written on a failed math test 8 years ago ? @127-mile

Rollerskates (sns AU) {13} ✔

Who knew yn, who works at the local hangout spot, the roller rink, would end up falling for the campus fuck boy, Jung Jaehyun, and will he return the same feelings or keep going back to his ex girlfriend? @hhjwrld

Star Crossed (sns AU) {32} ✔

Y/n’s life story is written by her parents, but she wants to end the story before the final chapter: arranged marriage. @nakajeno

The Beauty Within (sns AU) {21} ⇨

You never passed up the chance to get in the good books of all your teachers. So when the opportunity arised to possibly make your chemistry teacher actually like you, seeing as he was the only one that seemed to have it in for you, you couldn’t say no. Only problem? You had to tutor the bad boy. @justwinwin

The Breakfast Club (sns AU) {32} ✔

In which you have to write a short film for one of your classes and somehow end up falling in love. @jaehyunhour

The Cowboy {15} ✔

Leaving the city for a rural area called Blayne seemed simple enough. Your task was to convince the people to agree with selling their land for a resort redevelopment. But once there, you soon realise that your city ways are entirely different to theirs. Winning their trust was going to take some effort, and when you start to fall for a local cowboy, you wonder if you really needed Blayne more than the city life after all. @prettywordsyouleft

The One with the Roommates {5} ✔

In which jaehyun and y/n are roommates and pretending to be his fiancé seems like a really good idea. @mistymark

To You {4} ✔

“If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t, they never were” ~ Kahlil Gibran @sugarjaee

Welcome to my Playground (sns AU) {16} ✔

All he wanted was a peaceful last year in university and all she wanted was to finally live in peace without her past haunting her. So what happens when their paths collide, will this be a start of a blossoming relationship or the beginning of a tragic story? @cupofjae

❥ JAEHYUN NAVI

[main masterlist] [nct masterlist] updated 7-30-21

[rjalker]

Interview with a Murderbot

Word count: 2,085

Summary: Murderbot agrees to do a Q&A panel to help "raise awareness" of the lack of equality for bots and constructs even on Preservation, which prides itself on being soooo progressive. Fortunately, it doesn't have to do much to prove the issue, because the humans are so fucking bigoted they'll just proudly say all the bullshit out loud on camera for everyone to hear.

[Archived read-more link]

“Well, don't you think you'd be more comfortable using other pronouns? I mean, 'it' is used for things in this language, not people.”

This was coming from a human from Preservation, who'd been born here and raised here, so you could see why Murderbot had been so skeptical/resigned about Preservation's Super Totally Awesome For Real so-called “Equality between Bots and Actual People™”.

The human in question was sitting in the front row of chairs in front of the stage, wearing a multi-piece outfit of grey, orange, and white, with long pant legs but sleeves that cut off at the elbow, a very wide belt, large, red-tinted glasses, and a wide-brimmed silver hat.

Why, exactly, had Murderbot agreed to put up with this shit, again? Oh, right, to fight for that so-called equality that apparently already existed, that totally didn't need to be fought for, or anything, because things were as good as they needed to get, bots already had equal rights (no they literally didn't), they didn't need any more, and constructs certainly didn't need any rights. Totally. For sure.

Murderbot had to put up with this shit now, so other people who came after it wouldn't have to. It was for the greater good of all society, and totally admirable and awesome and selfless and blah blah blah.

What it was was obnoxious and infuriating and exhausting, but at least it was getting paid for it.

Oh wait, just kidding, no it wasn't! Mensah hadn't been able to convince anyone in the stupid government she was no longer a part of that this Q&A session was a real job/public service they were performing, that everyone involved should be fairly compensated for.

More than half the people in charge of the government still didn't even want it here, there was no way they were going to fund the public outreach programs designed to get more people to welcome constructs to their stupid planet.

The fact that it had to do this for free was just adding insult to injury.

It was one thing to talk to Dr. Bharadwaj in the privacy of her office. Murderbot liked her. She was smart, she was funny, and it didn't have to explain every single detail of something for her to get it, and she didn't ask it absurdly stupid questions or try to demean it.

It was another thing entirely to be sitting in front of humans on camera letting them ask stupid questions and having to put up with their bullshit when they refused to accept its answer.

Thankfully, Murderbot had its drones, so it didn't have to worry about meeting this idiot human's eyes as it said flatly, its voice carrying throughout the room thanks to the sound amplifier clipped to its ear and down to its jaw, “I thought bots here on Preservation /were/ considered people.” For now it was going to ignore the main part of the question, because this was just too annoying to ignore.

Just to be petty, it tapped 9JX on the feed a moment ahead of time to give it warning, then added outloud, “Hey, 9JX, aren't you a people?”

(Humans, it had learned after doing one of these interview panels with 3.14, a bot possibly even more determined to be obnoxious to humans than Murderbot, fucking hated it when you said 'a people' instead of 'a person', so, following 3.14's example, Murderbot made sure to purposefully say it this way whenever it could, just to piss the annoying humans off.)

9JX its current 'team mate' for this panel, being the representative for the cargo haulers. It had been sitting over on the other end of the stage, waiting patiently for questions aimed at it, that didn't seem to be coming. All the questions up until now except one - - (did you get to pick your own paint color? Yes) - - had been for Murderbot alone.

9JX was built to lift and transport large containers outside the actual dock, so it was smaller than most of the cargo hauler types Murderbot had seen in various ports, but it was still bigger than a human or a construct, and designed with functionality in mind, not aesthetics or appealing to human sensibilities.

Unlike constructs like Murderbot or other humanoid bots, it didn't have any eyes, or anything remotely resembling a human face. It looked more like a vehicle than a person, and for a lot of humans, that was enough in their minds to qualify it solidly as an object, instead of a person. Even though they were the one's who'd given it intelligence in the first place. Because humans were fucking stupid.

(Like, it's not like you can /accidentally/ invent artificial intelligence. It requires a lot of technical skills and expensive materials and blueprints and all this complicated shit that it just wasn't possible to do /by accident/. It wasn't a twelve step process. It was a five thousand step process at minimum. No human had ever sat around and just /accidentally/ built an artificial intelligence.)

Anyways.

9JX had decided to have speakers installed specifically so it could talk to humans without being connected to the feed, since it thought it was distracting. (Which sounded unbelievable to Murderbot. How was it possible to function without constant access to the feed? 9JX had the opposite question for it - - how can you function with all those distractions racing around at all times?)

9JX said in the voice synthesized for it specially from multiple donated human recordings, “Yes, I am a people. That's why I'm sitting here, after all.” (Yes, almost all the robots were in on the running gag. Turns out they were actually funny when you were part of the joke. Especially when the joke mad obnoxious humans mad.)

“And aren't your pronouns it/its?” Murderbot asked.

“Yep. They're fun, and I picked them out all by myself.” It was true - - 9JX had been assigned he/him pronouns upon construction, and had used those pronouns for the first thirty years of its life, until it decided to change them. It continued, “I guess you could say I'm something of a trendsetter.”

Also true, considering 9JX was one of the oldest bots on Preservation that was still functioning. It had been part of the original doomed colony, and had been packed into the rescue ship just like everyone else. It was starting to wear down in its old age, but the humans and other bots did everything they could to keep it in good repair.

The good part of that story was that it had convinced humans to let bots change their pronouns. The bad part was that humans had started deciding that 9JX using it/its pronouns meant all bots should use it/its pronouns. Even though some of them didn't want to, like Nehir, or Delta, or 4528B-I, or other bots whose names Murderbot hadn't bothered to save to its long-term storage.

Lots of bots on Preservation had pronouns other than it/its, but most of the humans refused to use those pronouns for them, instead just pretending that all robots had the same gender (aka no gender), so therefore all bots should all use and be happy with the same pronouns.

That wasn't how this worked, at all.

Murderbot liked to think of its gender as indeterminate, or not applicable. That had to do with multiple things, including its asexuality, aromanticism, and aplatonicism. It wasn't attracted to anyone, not bots, not humans, not other constructs, in any way, and didn't want anyone being attracted to it, either. That would just be gross. If someone held up a list of genders they were attracted to, in any way, Murderbot wanted to be excluded every single time.

But that wasn't how it worked for all robots, all constructs, or even all SecUnits. Murderbot couldn't even imagine being sexually or romantically or platonically attracted to someone, but that didn't mean other people were lying when they talked about their own experiences.

(Yes, Murderbot had been horrified and disgusted beyond words the first time it learned of a construct who felt sexual and romantic attraction to other people, including humans. Yes, it had made a total jackass out of itself by being a bigoted asshole to them about it, treating them like shit and ranting about how they were just doing this to appease humans and making humans think they could just have sex with any construct they wanted. Yes, it regretted every fraction of second of what it had said and wished it could wipe the incident from its memory. But it wasn't going to do that, no matter how ashamed it was, because it had been one of the most important learning experiences it had ever had in its existing memory.)

The human - - this time Murderbot did check the feed tag, and saw their name was Fiscal, their gender was Neutral, they used the honorific Vr./veyir, they were married to three partners, had as many kids, had a pet yellow-tailed phoron, and their pronouns were they/them/their/theirself (singular) - - was rolling their eyes and making an exasperated huffing noise.

“I wasn't talking to the hauler bot, I was talking to you.” They said scornfully, doing their best to stare directly at Murderbot's eyes in that obnoxiously intense way some humans just love to do for some reason.

Well, they was staring at Murderbot's opaque faceplate, but didn't realize Murderbot had its eyes closed, watching the scene only through its cameras from the drones it had scattered around the room.

Having your face hidden fucking rocked. Murderbot couldn't believe it had gone so long pretending it was fine with letting humans see its face all the time. Talk about a nightmare.

“And what makes me different from a hauler bot?” Murderbot asked, in the tone of voice it reserved for when humans were being fucking stupid and it wanted to let them know that without actually saying it. It was also using the trick it'd learned from ART - - make the person you were arguing with spell out their own stupid ideas for everyone to hear, and maybe they'd realize as they were verbalizing it just how stupid it was.

Fiscal, though, didn't seem to realize how stupid they was being, since they said, with no hint of irony or self awareness or embarrassment, “You look human, so it's different. You're more of a person, so it's not right to call you an it.”

So this idiot was literally admitting they didn't think bots were people. Murderbot hoped all the fancy government workers who'd refused to fund this little get together were crying over how much their supposed little utopia was failing on its most basic advertising principal.

“I'm a person whether I'm human or not, whether I use it/its pronouns or not.” Murderbot said, keeping its voice level through a mixture of resigned boredom and a supreme will of effort, “9JX is a person whether it looks human or not, and it wouldn't be more of a person if it started using other pronouns.”

Fiscal folded their arms across their chest, looking stubborn, like they was in the right, or something. “It's not right, I'm just not comfortable calling you an it, it's dehumanizing. You're a person, not a thing. Why don't you try they/them pronouns? I'm sure you'll find people will treat you better if you use them. Using it/its just gives people an excuse to treat you like a bot.”

Yeah, Murderbot hoped everyone on Preservation was enjoying this.

Through one of the drones it had assigned to Dr. Mensah, it could see her dropping her face into her hands at her desk. One of the government officials was sitting in the chair across from her, (Keane, the same nonbinary human Murderbot had met the last time Mensah tried to set up funding) vis mouth open in unabashed shock and horror at the dual-faced display screen on the desk in from of vem. Clearly, ve hadn't expected the public's perception of bots to be this far from the ideal they all prided themselves on.

The look of horror on vis face was almost worth the hassle of doing all of this for free.

And who knew, if this fucking bigot kept talking, maybe the government would be ashamed enough to pay them all in retrospect for subjecting themselves to the bigotry in the first place.

Well, a murderbot could hope.