#just funny sometimes to realise what a language has words for and what it doesnt

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

real nonbinary experience tbh

[myherogroundzero]

under the mistletoe with you (todoroki, bakugou, midoriya, kaminari, kirishima, shinsou, dabi)

A/N: just some christmas headcanons with the best boys :) i hope you like it!!! also, merry christmas eve haha!!

warnings: language, mentions of the greased weasel tango

summary: you do whatever you can to get under the mistletoe with the above mentioned characters, even if it means strategically placing it all over the place just to make it happen

shouto todoroki

he was honestly completely oblivious as to what you were trying to do

such a sweet, innocent boy

he was very confused by your odd requests to go to this place instead of that one (even when they led to the same destination???)

but he followed anyway to appease you

which meant that getting him under the mistletoe was very simple

but getting him to understand was a different story

he wasnt very exposed to love between two people (*cough* endeavor you piece of shit *cough*)

so he wasnt very... knowledged in the art of christmas traditions, to say the least

the two of you walked under the mistletoe

you literally stop abruptly and turn around to face him

todoroki: ????????? what???????

you grin at him with that all too familiar glint in your eyes before you point upwards

he looks up and raises his eyebrow

like um... what do you want

but when you wrap your arms around his neck and get on your tippy toes

he starts to realise what you want

he gives you that FUCKING ADORABLE LITTLE SMILE OF HIS UGH

and you smile right back before you lean in and kiss him

he can’t help but smile against your lips because he loves you and its beautiful :((

his hands would be on your hips

everything feels perfect because you are with him

katsuki bakugou

(this is not mine but i wish i was this talented honestly)

he doesnt listen to a word you say

literally he has zero obedience of any kind

but mostly, it’s because he knows exactly what youre up to

all those mischievous grins? all those bribes to go into the kitchen? he doesnt buy it for one second

nice try bucko, but hes not giving you what you want

even tho lowkey??? he wants it too

but he wouldnt admit that

because hes a stubborn bitch

but damn, you do look adorable in your christmas pajamas

honestly, for him it’s become a test of self-restraint

but he seemed to have underestimated how smart you really are

you saw him going through the hallway back to the living room and you bolted

you had, unbeknownst to him, placed multiple mistletoe around the house

you’d caught him by surprised so he had stopped in his tracks when he saw you rush past him

you realise you may have ran too fast, because hes not under the mistletoe; you are

he chuckles before walking to you, grabbing your hips, and pulling you to him

he finally gave in and kissed you

you ran your fingers through his hair while he deepend the kiss

all in all, it got pretty heated

but even though hes kinda mean to you

and a little rough when it comes to affection (not that we mind right?)

youre his princess 🥺

hes even sure to tell you that because um??? you deserve the WORLD

yeah he loves you

a lot

izuku midoriya

THIS BOY

hes so WHOLESOME

he wants to make you the happiest person in the WORLD

literally ask him to do anything and he will

hes so whipped for you its not even funny

“izuku? baby, come here!”

he’s up in seconds, no joke

he’s right by your side, mostly because he thought you were hurt

but then he sees your gorgeous smile and hes confused

of course, him being the subby baby that he is, does not initiate kisses normally (emphasis on normally)

so without hesitation, you grab his shirt and smash your lips against his

again, hes confused as HELL??? but hes not complaining

“what was that for, y/n?”

you give him the most innocent look and he doesnt believe it for a MINUTE

YOU ARE LITERALLY THE SPAWN OF SATAN

but that’s beside the point

you smile and point up to the mistletoe above your heads

he smiles and kisses you one more time (initiation? only sometimes)

“you’re so cute.”

and of course, because you have no self control, you kiss him O N E more time

because hes just too cute

and honestly theres no one you’d rather spend your christmas with

denki kaminari

okay, PLOT TWIST

hes the one trying to kiss YOU

but without his knowledge, you too are trying to kiss him

but you both have two different plans LMAO

“denki baby, come outside with me!”

“okay but consider this: what if you came to the bedroom with me?”

“but... outside?”

“but i wanna show you something!”

literally it’s just you two arguing about who should go where with the other

and both of you happen to be too dense to realise the intentions of the other

but you being the evil son of a bitch you are, you do whatever to get your way

even if that means... bribing denki 😏

“denki i’ll leave your ass, come with me.”

the romance is alive

but he follows you because??? are you joking or not??? he cant FUCKING TELL

you stop in the doorway and look at him

then it hits him

he beams at you and gives you the sweetest kiss

his kisses taste like sunshine

you melt immediately, a tingling feeling spreading from your toes to your fingers

you love this crackhead so much

but youre also a crackhead

like you both radiate MASSIVE crackhead energy

but theres nothing quite like being mentally unstable with the person you love

eijirou kirishima

hes kind of like midoriya?

wants to make you the happiest

but like hes not quite as subby

more of a switch honestly but thats not important

basically, you tell him to come with you

he does it

no questions asked

you grin and jump up to wrap your legs around his waist

he reacts immediately, placing his hands under your thighs to hold you up

you tangle your fingers in his hair, tugging gently as you kiss him

bro this boy has it BAD for you

how did he get so lucky???

youre so perfect???

marry him rn tbh

hitoshi shinsou

this sarcastic son of a bitch can take me

but anyway, he’s a great time really

he’s like the perfect mixture of good, affectionate boyfriend and funny, sarcastic, playful boyfriend

but hes not whipped

you tell him to do something?

“yeah? or what, kitten?”

honestly you want to kill him

but restraint and patience is the key to a healthy and good life

in other words, you dont really have a healthy and good life

just kidding

sort of

but anyway

“hitoshi, darling, you know i love you, right?

“what the fuck do you want?”

his suspicions are REAL

there is NO TRUST WHEN IT COMES TO YOU

you fucking psycho

no but anyway, getting him under the mistletoe is unsuccessful

but you do get kisses from him

he doesnt even need to use his quirk to persuade you into sitting on his lap

youre there in a heartbeat

he peppers your neck and jaw with kisses before he gets to your lips

and with each kiss, you feel your skin tingle and your cheeks burn

he had your whole heart

this smug bitch knew it too

and he used that fact to his advantage, but he’d be lying if he said you didnt have his heart too

hes a little bitch but you love him

dabi

HE IS THE BIGGEST BITCH OUT THERE

but good GOD is he hot

anyway

yeah he goes under the mistletoe with you pretty willingly

probably because he thinks hes gonna get some

but???

today is the day of JESUS

and he needs to read a fucking bible first of all

he still genuinely loves you though

“dabi, come under the mistletoe with me!”

“why? can’t you just come here and kiss me? my lap is much more comfortable, if you really think about it.”

you roll your eyes at that

“but it’s tradition! come on babe, please?”

he sighed

really loudly

as if you asked him to do the most BORING thing in the world

but he got up and came over to you

he pushed you up against the doorframe and kissed you without any warning

your hands rested on his chest as you kissed back, trying to put more force in

he had no problem overpowering you though

he’s a fucking DOM and theres no argument in that

massive dick energy 😎

what was supposed to be a slow and sweet kiss QUICKLY got heated and sloppy

he moved from your lips to your jaw and neck

you were a panting mess

and then he hit that s p e c i a l spot on your neck

and man it was over

you were not going to get out of this one

you were going to have a l o n g night

not that that was much of a problem

you loved him just as much as he loved you

spending the night committing the sinful dance of frickle frackle with him would be magical

lmfao jk this is a strictly christian blog, there’ll be no frick or frack on this HOLY DAY OF GOD

[foulserpent]

watching that skyrim xikeel vid made me realise i have no idea what ur ideal voices for everyone is. what do ned xikeel solvej and dusty sound like / how do they talk?

copied and slightly edited from an old post

ned: his original voiceclaim was jerma. he has a light boston accent canonically, voice is deeper and gayer and less nasally and less like a funny cartoon animal than jerma’s. its also a little rough from his smoking habit and having lived 20 years in vvardenfell, though not an obvious ��smoker voice”. heres this.

he talks pretty quickly and stumbles over words a lot, but not really in a way that strikes you as “nervous”

he gestures a lot and pretty much cannot talk without hand and ear gesturing

niviiran: annie clark/st vincent’s speaking voice. this is the only one that id say is perfect as is. also she has the lore friendly boston accent too but its not as pronounced as ned’s

talks pretty evenly and calmly, not monotonous persay but very “chill” sounding and usually sounds just slightly disinterested (regardless of if thats true)

solvej: the closest ive been able to find is ulfric’s voice actor (he talks normally near the end), like theres other comparably deep voices but thats the one that seems closest to what im thinking. so with that as a jumping off point

kind of deep and mellow voice but can slip into a quiet silky threateningness or a big booming shout

shes very soft spoken for the most part

has a pronounced nordic accent

dusty:  talking heads era david byrne is a good enough claim for dusty’s speaking voice, just like. less perpetually dazed sounding. but similarly pitched and spoken. 

has some speech impediment issues, mostly in the form of cluttering and selective mutism. is sometimes hard to understand when agitated

tends to speak in short sentences instead due to this

xikeel: very difficult for me to pin down. the skyrim female orc default and morrowind female argonian defaults are both close-ish to what i imagine 

she has a unique intonation, monotonous yet perpetually sounds a little cheerful

her sentence structure is a little weird sometimes and its not just a second language thing, she kind of just spills thoughts out from her mouth however they may come. 

shap: i still have no fucking idea who to compare his voice to even though he has a speaking voice i can picture clearly in my mind. think of orville peck’s singing voice and try to imagine that as a speaking voice (OP’s actual speaking voice doesnt fit at all). like very deep, pretty smooth, someone you could imagine singing good country folk music.

hes not really soft-spoken but pretty mellow, and tends to speak slowly unless excited 

[onelittleleap-blog]

The pack

All kids have their funny habits, and unfortunately one of Hunters (at nearly three, may I add), point blank refuses to do a poo in the toilet, something as a human seems so simple, but to him, a very challenging and literally impossible task. I’ve tried everything to ‘tempt’ him, but I’m weak, as soon as the tears start I give in..  So, Hunter likes to poo in a nappy, which ultimately means someone (that someone being me), has the joys of changing that nappy once he’s finished. It gets weirder.. Hunter doesn’t like being alone at this time, which for most people, is private time. He likes a cuddle, full on, face to face, arms round my neck cuddle, while he fills his nappy, what a delight. At least there’s a little bit of love in the process I guess.

I’ve not changed many nappies in my 24 young years, so when faced with the, ‘I’m doing a poo’ look, I begin mental preparation for the task that lies ahead. Obviously, Coco, the youngest of the pack lies still on the changing mat when I change her, making the process smooth with no complications. Just kidding, where’s the fun in that.. Coco rolls, turns, twists, screams. A game gone horribly wrong. Even worse, sometimes if I’m reaching to grab another wet wipe, sometimes she even grabs.. yeah, you can imagine the mess. I realise a lot of my content revolves around poo.

One of the rewarding things I found while looking after Hunter was learning his ‘language’. Still struggling with pronunciations, he had his own vocabulary which I very quickly learnt to adjust to. Just to put it into perspective, Laura was pronounced Lau-la, Harvey was pronounced Har-yee, balance bike which was possibly the most challenging and took me a fair few attempts to grasp was ba–buy. It was like learning a new language, but once I had picked up the letters he struggles to pronounce it made it easier to string his sentences together and respond.

When looking after little ones you find yourself eating their left overs, gross I know. Coco also force feed me, I like to look at it as sharing, sometimes fresh and sometimes played with, been in her mouth and taken out.. but after a while I just accepted it and wasn’t phased by it, but now writing this and reading what I’m writing I realise how gross this is.. especially that they’re not my children. But hey, whatever makes them smile.

Something else I’ve discovered is that a crying baby is the most distressing sound, ever. I didn’t think it would affect me as much as it did, but because of the separation anxiety Coco suffered with, which in my eyes is understandable given the circumstances that both parents work full time and leave her every morning, tears were a recurring theme, every, single, morning. Sometimes a cuddle would calm her, sometimes distractions, food.. but sometimes nothing would work, and it broke my heart but I had to let her calm down in her own time. I would have food at the ready when she had calmed, but I struggled with the constant struggle.

While out for a dog walk with a friend, Hunter fell needy of my attention, hand holding and the need to be carried, which is what he’s usually like with his parents, in front of me. So it was very strange being the person he ‘wanted’ for a change. At home, if Mum and Dad are there, of course the kids want them over me, Hunter will refuse to eat with me if the parents are in sight. Do you know what, this was a real insight into Mum life. All those, ‘stay at home mums’, I have newfound respect for them and what they do. It’s not easy staying at home and looking after kids, you go a bit mad after a while.. which is why for me, getting the kids out the house was so important. When someone doubts you its a challenge to prove them wrong. Which is what I wanted to do. I knew the parents doubted my ability, and to be frank, I doubted myself a little. Feeding time, nap time, school drop off, changing time, bath time, feeding time. there’s so much to think about, and my main role was to ensure all 3 kids were happy.

Another weird one was never having privacy.. The simple things in life like doing your morning business in private, no no, that doesn’t happen when you have a 5 year old, 2 year old and 14 month old fighting for your attention. I know you should never have favourites they say.. but I did. And I’m not even sorry.. Apparently, this beautiful little boy had ‘separation anxiety’ too.. But I wasn’t so sure. After a couple of bonding days, I can safely say the separation anxiety his parents had diagnosed him with wasn’t an issue. Hunter stuck to me like glue, he had a wild personality. Hunters speech was still in the making, but over time I learnt his language and could adapt my hearing to the words he was saying so I could understand his stories.

[bruhsauraus]

Armando Iannucci: I was saved from being a reject by comedy

The king of satire, back with a new film about Soviet-era Russia after Stalins death, talks about being uncool, Veep and building a spaceship in London

Armando Iannucci arrives for our 3pm meeting with a small amount of his lunch still clinging to his shirt. We discuss retouching the mark for the Observers pictures but, admirably, he doesnt seem to care either way. It is tempting to describe the 53-year-old Iannucci as the most feared political satirist of our age. Certainly, his output in the past decade the BBC sitcom The Thick of It, the companion film In the Loop, and latterly Veep has been untouchable in skewering the vanity, incompetence and plain childishness of people in power. But, in person, nothing about Iannucci is remotely scary: he is self-effacing, smiley, quick to laugh. At the end of the day, hes just a guy with a tomato stain on his shirt.

Iannuccis latest target is Stalin and his cronies. His new film, The Death of Stalin, is set in 1953 and depicts with unexpected historical accuracy the undignified scrabble for dominance that followed the demise of the Soviet despot. It is silly, moving and revelatory, all at once, with deft, pitch-perfect turns from Simon Russell Beale as Beria and Steve Buscemi as Khrushchev. Iannucci, who never likes to have fewer than seven plates spinning at any moment, has also just published a book on classical music, Hear Me Out, about a lifetime of listening to Mahler and Britten in open defiance of the keepers of the cool.

Was it easier than you expected to make a comedy about Stalin and his inner circle that was also factually accurate? Yeah. When we were researching it, we found out things like Vasily, Stalins son, really did lose the ice-hockey team in a plane crash. And because the comedy is the comedy of hysteria, you want to be true to what happened and how people responded. So anything that was so-bizarre-and-yet-true was a candidate for going in. I thought about having This is a true story, but then I thought, no, just watch it for what it is, and it would be great if you subsequently found out that the bulk of it was true.

These men are vicious, but your film also gives them a human side. They have families they fear for; they play practical jokes. Did your feelings towards them change? Um, no. But I did think, what must they have done to have survived and ended up so close to Stalin, and what has it done to them? The fact, for example, that he would almost taunt them and mock them and play them off against each other With all these things its about posing the question, What would you have done in those circumstances?

Power corrupts? Yeah, it was almost like Animal Farm by the end, and yet they all lived near each other and popped in and out of each others houses. He might have had your brother shot and all that, but they had to sublimate that as just part of the process of moving forward. But, you know, you read that Boris Johnson and Michael Gove were the biggest enemies and are now reconciled. Im not saying they are like Stalin, but in that febrile environment where you see each other every day, in order to survive, just psychologically, you must have to close off a bit of your emotion.

Watch a trailer for The Death of Stalin.

So there are lessons about todays political landscape? Trump gets all his closest associates in over the past three or four months, and has to say, By the way, youre fired because I need to survive now. So could you go away? And eventually hell be saying that to his daughter and his son-in-law: Youve now become an albatross, I cant be seen with you anymore. Or after the general election, Theresa May turns to her two very close advisers and says, Its you or me. And they all kind of understand that. Its like that thing in The Godfather: Its not personal, its strictly business.

Is it true there have been calls in Russia for the film to be banned? You say Russia its a person in a country of 200 million people. Just somebody somewhere said something.

Were you expecting a reaction? I was wondering what it would be. I was surprised to hear we sold it to a Russian distributor. Stalins been making a comeback. There have been busts of Lenin, Stalin and other key figures going up in Moscow for the 100th anniversary of the Russian Revolution. Its that sense of, dont be frightened of strong men. Thats the message in Moscow at the moment.

Theres a line in your book Hear Me Out where you describe film directing as an astonishing ego trip, and that you wouldnt recommend it to anyone who has the slightest psychotic tendencies. Is it a job you feel comfortable doing? Ha! It is, but you do spend all day ordering people around, and everyone will do what you say. My wife teases me when I finish a shoot that it takes about a week and a half before I stop going, Right, shall we have a cup of tea? You, get a cup of tea I can see how, especially if you do shoots that go on for months, you become like a medieval lord with all these serfs, just ordering them around and torturing them and asking them to tell jokes and fetch food.

As the creator and showrunner on HBOs Veep for the first four seasons was it a difficult decision to give it up in 2015? No. It might have been the British thing that we dont do that many episodes of TV shows in the UK. Plus, it was three months of the year going out to Baltimore, backwards and forwards, and it was an all-year-round thing of the writing, the shooting, the edit, the publicising and then the writing And I knew the show could carry on, but fundamentally Id taken it to where I wanted to take it.

The show will end next year with a final, seventh series. Do you know whats going to happen? No, no, no. They asked if I wanted to stay on, but I knew I was going to do Stalin and I just thought, I cant be on set and get a call saying, Can you look at this script? But its great, because I watch it as a viewer and you realise though I always knew this what an amazing cast it is and how funny they all are. And also, I genuinely dont know what they are going to say next, which is really great.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus as vice-president Selina Meyer in Veep. Photograph: HBO

It was recently announced that youre making a new show with HBO called Avenue 5. Whats the idea behind that? Ive always wanted to do sci-fi, so this will be set mostly in space, in about 40 years time. Its not going to be Blade Runner, but there will be an element of realism to it. Ive been out to the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena and Virgin Galactic, looking at where it might be in about 40 years time. Ive mapped out the season and were writing the pilot episode and well shoot that sometime next year. And because its in space, its not location specific, so we can shoot it in a studio or a hanger in London. Well just build a spaceship here.

What impact do you think streaming services such as Netflix and Amazon Prime are having on terrestrial TV? Well, the good thing is that content producers writers and producers have more places to go. And also, whats great, and HBO paved the way with this: quality stuff is profitable. Thats their business model: youll only subscribe to HBO if you think youre going to get good stuff thats different from whats on the networks. So they need it to be better and well thought out and high production values and all that.

But is the quality always better? I do worry that simply because theres so much money available from the big streaming companies, theyll say, Oh well make your movie. We know no one else wanted to, and we realise why, because it was slightly indulgent or whatever, but well make it. And you watch it and you think, it was fine but For all the criticism of the studio process, if youre making something that costs someone else money and which is going to be available commercially, you want people to go and see it. So it does force you to think: have you made it as well as you can? Or have you really thought this through?

In Hear Me Out you write about the tyranny of the keepers of cool. Was liking classical music a reaction against them? Well, I was never really into fashion or clothes. I just wasnt that bothered. I wanted to read a good book. I was saved from being written off as a complete reject by the fact I could do comedy.

You started to learn piano in your 40s. Was that difficult? I found it hard. It was learning a language: Oh, I can speak music! And suddenly these dots and whatever started to make sense. But it was hard work. Some people can do it instinctively and I couldnt. My son would lean over me, hed be practising the violin, and go, No, no, no, its like this. And he hasnt had a piano lesson.

Do you listen to any non-classical music? I kind of like Radiohead, the Beatles, Bowie, its not extensive, but Im always trying. Whats interesting now is, because everything is available, kids can listen to Sinatra when theyre 12 and theres no real sense of: Youve got to listen to this because its out now. But you cant listen to that because thats from 20 years ago. They are a lot more experimental in what they are listening to and that then feeds into the music thats being produced. Its influenced not just by music from two years ago, but music from 20 or 30 years ago.

How can classical music stay relevant? Its up to the classical music establishment, for want of a better word, to open it up. Concerts neednt be off-putting and expensive and you dont have to dress up and you dont have to understand the technical complexities. Just talk to the audience. One of the weird things about a concert is that nobody says anything to you, so youve got to just accept whats in front of you and work it out. Somebody should sit down and explain: This piece, when it was first composed, caused a riot. Now it might sound a bit more conventional because its been used in a Walt Disney movie. I dont know, I think its just useful.

Stalin had a great passion for classical music. So listening to it doesnt make you a better human being then? George Steiner writes about how Goebbels was into Mozart and played the piano beautifully. Wagner was an antisemitic bastard, so actually, no. Thats the sad thing: it doesnt make any difference. It really doesnt.

Can you put that aside when you listen to the music? I dont know. I always got taken by the grandiosity of Wagner, but the more I listen to it now the more I think, it does sound fascist, doesnt it? But its interesting, that thing of, Can you excuse? Like Polanski. That whole, Great film-maker, but should you be watching his movies? I dont know what the answer is.

The Death of Stalin is released on 20 October.

Hear Me Out by Armando Iannucci is published by Little Brown (14.99). To order a copy for 12.74 go to guardianbookshop.com or call 0330 333 6846. Free UK p&p over 10, online orders only. Phone orders min p&p of 1.99

Read more: https://www.theguardian.com/media/2017/oct/15/armando-iannucci-the-death-of-stalin-hear-me-out-interview

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