#just for extra measure lolol

[mrcowboydeanwinchester]

🌸 Sapphicnatural Statistics Spreadsheet 🌸

link for the spreadsheet here!

hello hello! in may 2024 i completed a university essay studying the subversive shipping conventions of sapphicnatural fanfic in the Sapphicnatural Collection over on AO3, with the thesis that sapphicnatural ships are often rarepairs with little-to-no grounds in canon (e.g: a guest character/one-off character who have never met on screen), conversely to standard fanfic practice. as part of this, i gathered some statistics about the fics in the collection, got slightly carried away with the scope, and made a giant spreadsheet with 6 sheets of various data. with the project over, i thought it would be nice to share it with tumblr in case anyone else finds it helpful or just interesting!! i'm likely going to post the essay that i wrote alongside this in the next few weeks, so give me a shout too if that's something you'd like to see

to pique your interest, the spreadsheet includes:

Notes on methodology and the vocabulary used

Statistics on the popularity of each sapphicnatural ship in the collection and the frequency of characters featured

Analysis on some significiant ship factors: whether the characters have met in canon and how frequently characters re-occured in the show

'Ship potency', a new framework i'm workshopping to quantify how 'viable/strong' a ship is, specifically when measuring the makeup of femslash ships against mlm ships

i've written up some of the key points i found and some extra analysis about them under the cut, so read more if you're interested! <3

Contextual note: there are 129 fanfics in the Sapphicnatural collection.

Top 5 most popular Sapphicnatural ships:

donna/jody (10 fics)

anna/mary (7 fics)

jo/cassie (6 fics)

anna/ruby (5 fics)

kaia/claire (4 fics)

21 unique ships have 3 fics per ship. 24 unique ships have 2 fics per ship, and 52 unique ships have 1 fic per ship. So, only a quarter (25.3% of ships) have more than 3 fics written about them.

Rarepairs (and thus multishipping) are much more frequent in Sapphicnatural fanfiction than across most fandom fanfic collections which often centre around a specific ship

Have the characters met in canon?

Only 34.2% of ships involve two or more characters who have met on-screen in the show, with 59.6% of ships featuring two or more characters who have never met

4 out of the 5 top ships are between characters who met in the show's canon

BUT the most common dynamic is between two characters who could potentially meet in canon (are alive through the same seasons/at the same location (hell/heaven) at the same time) but who never meet in the show

This idea of 'canon potential' is the most exciting space for a lot of sapphicnatural writers, where finding gaps in the existing narrative and placing two similar women together to explore what their relationship could look often seems to be more inviting than those established on-screen

What is the spread of side/guest/one-off characters in ships?

A third (32.9%) of ships are made-up side/guest character

None of the characters featured are main characters (as none of the women spn characters can be realistically classed as 'main characters' lolol)

17 ships feature at least one one-off character, with 3 being one-off/one-off

Sapphicnatural fanfiction has a unique appreciation for reinforcing attention to minor characters, often as part of a feminist agenda to restore their agency

How frequently are individual characters featured?

Jo Harvelle is the most popular character in the sapphicnatural collection, involved in 15 unique ships across 34 fics. So, over a quarter (26.4%) of the fanfics in the collection feature Jo

Author's note: honestly this could be my individual impact on the collection as a jogirl oops

Mary Winchester is involved in 14 unique ships across 25 ships, so both Jo and Mary are significantly multi-shipped. Mary features twice across the top 5 ships

Sapphicnatural writers often write in service of a particular character rather than a ship - ie. exploring Jo's sapphic identity is more important than who her relationship is with

Charlie, Anna, Ruby, Claire, and Bela are the other characters involved in more than 10 fics each across the collection

Ship potency:

I explain this concept more on the sheet itself, but I essentially assign numerical values to whether a ship is (possible in) canon or not, how frequently characters re-occur in the show, and how popular a ship is respective to the fandom (as sapphicnatural is small, donna/jody is popular with 10 fics, for example)

This is to gain a measure of how 'strong' a ship is, assuming that a standard mlm ship will rank highly in most of these criteria (control variable of destiel ranks 29.5/30, whereas the average potency sum for a sapphicnatural ship is 11.8)

Across the top 5 ships, the average potency sum is 20.9

4/5 of the most popular sapphicnatural ships are in the top 5 for ship potency, with donna/jody, anna/mary, kaia/claire and anna/ruby having strong canon foundations and so high potency ratings.

jo/cassie is irregular as the third most popular ship because they only rank 14th for ship potency, as the pairing have not met on-screen in canon, and features a one-off character

Ships with higher potency sums do tend to be slightly more popular, but there isn't a clear pattern among any of the ships. I'd like to do some more work with this to fine-tune the system

Wordcount, kudos, and hits:

Average wordcount of a fic is 3,511 words. This fits with my other working theory (links to my post about my history essay on women's fiction through the feminist waves) that sapphicnatural writers utilise short stories and one-shots to most succesfully explore sapphic identities

Average kudos is 48, with a median of 13

Average hits is 353, with a median of 122

So: sapphicnatural fanfics receive a fairly low level of interaction, especially when compared to the mlm ships in the Supernatural fandom (destiel, etc). This is in-line with most fandoms and femslash as a whole - a small, dedicated community are reading and writing sapphicnatural

I didn't explore much here, but it would be interesting to go into further depth anout how many fics in the collection are written by different authors, etc

and that's it from me! if you've made it down here, you're an absolute gem and thank you for sticking with me! hope you foundd it as interesting to read through as i did to write up - and that you give the spreadsheet a nosey too if you fancy <3

[vasito-de-leche]

;R1999 "COVER" section analysis (1)

Analysis and theories on how to interpret the characters' profiles in the Cover section of the game, such as their exhibition year, ages, their medium, afflatus etc. A full dissection of the profiles.

I started seeing a lot of people argue about whether a character's first exhibition date correlates or not to their birth year, if their ages are correct and all the little inconsistencies that make it difficult to understand, so obviously I wanna talk about it lolol

disclaimer that I do not play or follow CN updates, I only play the global version! but I invite everyone with more insight (hehe....insight) to discuss in reblogs, replies or tags! (<- loves discussing viddygames)

I'm ALSO gonna be VERY pedantic and explain some stuff that might seem super obvious or go on really long tangents because this game is relatively new, so I don't wanna assume everyone is on the same page and alienate some ppl from discussing the lore and cool stuff of the game!

First of all, I would like to point out something that most people know by now about the character profiles, just in case someone hasn't seen it yet: the "Cover", "Item" and third unlockable story for every character are all written by Pandora Wilson for the UTTU magazine.

When you go to a character's cover page, there's an extra menu that can be found by tapping on the UTTU logo on the top right corner, as pictured here.

Which leads you to the following page, a Reader's Guide for UTTU's magazine.

The contents of the Reader's Guide are a little scattered and confusing, sometimes their own text format breaks as well, such as points 5, 6 and 8 being in the same paragraph as opposed to a proper numbered list. Or point 11 having a weird line break mid-sentence.

There are three items pictured on the guide, which have letters spelling out different words. The first one spells "ARCANUM", the second one "MAGAZINE" with "SELF-UPDATING" upside down, and the last one spells "ENJOY reading". Not pictured above is the full proper end of the guide:

But overall, this guide is important because it explains the formatting of the profiles and why they're worded a certain way. The implication is that the character profiles are interviews of all arcanists that Pandora Wilson and UTTU encounter, archiving and exhibiting their information like works of art.

There are some people who offered the idea of the profiles being written by Vertin, since the voicelines imply all characters are talking to her - but this cannot be, since the voicelines are just an archive of the lines said during other situations, such as being in the main menu (her suitcase) or battles (guided by her). In this case, it is extradiegetic within the context of the magazine (though the Guide does allude to the magazine being able to emit scents and have moving pictures within).

There is also another theory which replaces Vertin with the Foundation instead, given the events of the main story. For those who don't know, in the main story there is a very heated political debate within the Foundation regarding Vertin and all the arcanists she's gathered, on whether they deserve to be an independent group led by her or go through their usual regulation system. This theory implies that the information given in the profiles are reports made by the Foundation.

But given UTTU's Reader Guide and every 03 Story, we can all safely confirm that they're all written by them and Pandora Wilson. The items' description are also written from Pandora's perspective. This might be a lot just to establish a single thing, but I wanna be thorough!

As for why UTTU magazine specifically chose to portray all arcanists as pieces of art, using words like exhibit and measuring them the same way one would a statue, I don't have a very clear answer!

The game overall has a lot of themes regarding art, like Vertin's tuning abilities "First Melody" and "Grand Orchestra" being so obviously music themed. She's portrayed as a conductor for the arcanists she leads. The art theme also lines up pretty well again with the main story and how Vertin, as a Timekeeper, is meant to record time and events for the Foundation but she also keeps track of the people she meets and their endeavors, not for the Foundation but herself. It makes sense to me that the arcanists she takes in are seen as "artwork" by UTTU, they're stuck in time and represent an era that is no longer possible to reach or that has long passed. It makes sense that they're archived and represented as such to me, at least!

With that, we can finally go into the actual cover page for the characters. I'll be using the characters that I personally own and I'm most familiar with as examples. So everyone say hello to Pavia again.

Right away, we're hit with an unknown term - "mixed".

In the "Atlas" menu, there's three sections - "Story Review" which allows you to see the full story of the game as you unlock it, with some of the trails you can unlock (this is irrelevant to the post, I just wanna say it here in case anyone can help me out - but some of the trails don't seem to be recorded in this menu and there is no way to find them again?), then there's "Role Atlas", which I'll get to in a second, and "Psychube", a collection of all Psychubes.

The Role Atlas is, once again, written by UTTU. You can see their logo in all the magazines and there is the UTTU Bound Volume of all characters in one menu. The text on the covers varies, but I cannot read most of them clearly, the text inside does not change. All five of them in order are:

The Beyond

The Awakened

Arcanists

The Mixed

The Infected

All character's profiles begin by stating which of these categories they fit in. The VAST majority of the characters fall within the "Arcanists" group, so it's very easy to assume that all human characters will fall within this section, while others such as Door or Mr. Apple would fall in categories like "Awakened" by virtue of being objects.

And this is where it gets tricky, because as far as I know, there is no official description for any of these categories nor what they fully entail! But bear with me, there's a thought process somewhere in here.

The "Beyond" seems to be self-explanatory - it encapsulates any living creature that comes from space and isn't native to Earth, such as Voyager and aliEn T.

The "Awakened" seem to be inanimate objects native to Earth that gained consciousness and self-awareness, such as Mr. APPLe, Sputnik and Ms. Radio. But that is immediately put into question when seeing characters like Darley Clatter, Door and TTT being categorized as "Arcanists" instead.

There are only two "Mixed" characters - Pavia and Satsuki. The word alone could easily imply that they're either "half-arcanists", and thus less respected due to their lesser Arcanum abilities, or that their Afflatus is mixed, but Afflatus and the way they're assigned onto characters is still very vague, because they don't seem to align with their actual use of magic.

And then, we have the "Infected". There are no characters labelled as such so far, so there's nothing to speculate here.

With all of this in mind, I would like to point out the wording of the profiles. I will add a few examples here in order of category (Beyond, Awakened, Arcanist, and then Mixed).

Notice how Mr. APPLe, Darley Clatter and Pavia's description are notably different than aliEn T's? Compare "A supernatural work" to "A mixed's work".

I don't own Voyager, but her profile listed in the wikifandom site follows the same pattern as aliEn T. It is very distinct to me that neither aliEn T nor Voyager, the only two characters who come from actual space, aren't described as "A supernatural's work".

The point I'm trying to make here is that the first phrase of the profiles alludes to the character's parents or creator, rather than themselves.

After all, the character is the artwork, it makes sense that they allude to their origins/heritage - in this case, crediting the "artist" that brought them to life. With the examples given, it makes sense to me that the Beyond cannot be anyone's work, by virtue of being aliens. Human concepts such as family and such don't necessarily have to apply to aliens. Their origins can easily be much too complex to understand by our standards.

One might argue that this theory falls apart when examining the Awakened - after all, they're described as "An Awakened's work". But I have to insist that the Awakened are confirmed to be inanimate objects that became sentient on their own, and thus they are given credit for their own "existence" so to speak. I'd like to point out the introductions posted on the official global twitter for these three characters. Mr. APPLe's does not allude to the moment he became sentient, but Ms. Radio's and Sputnik's do.

And speaking of sentience, I chose Darley Clatter as the example for the "Arcanist" category because it perfectly illustrates the point I'm trying to make. Darley Clatter is not a human in any way whatsoever, it's a toy horse. But the difference that sets Darley Clatter apart from the "Awakened" is the fact that he was MADE by an arcanist rather than gaining sentience himself. He exists and is able to move and talk thanks to an arcanist - this is explained in his 01 Story

If you don't feel like reading it, here's a short summary - it tells us about a young girl named Lilian who wants a horse and how her father, who spoils her way too much, approaches an unnamed arcanist to make her dreams come true. The arcanist then gets the ingredients needed and prepares a speech for Lilian's father, insisting that the foal they created will be better than any other real horse. Thus, making Darley Clatter an arcanist's work.

But then it leads me to characters like La Source, Pickles or Door. La Source is easy to explain, as she's a magical creature. Nature itself and some animals aside from critters are presented as inherently magical in some ways, so that could also explain Pickles. I'm pretty sure one of the tips displayed in loading screens says something similar to "sentience has nothing to do with arcanum ability", which supports the previous statement. As for Door? I have no idea!

And there's also the more vague characters, who were implied or hinted to have been humans and are now supernatural entities such as TTT, Rabies, Poltergeist or Click. I'd argue that the supernatural aspect of it lines up with nature as an inherently magical thing, but that could be a reach.

Another point against the theory I offer is the fact that it implies most of the characters come from arcane bloodlines, and arcanists are said to be a minority. But how can they be a minority if everyone and their dog (hehe, Pickles....get it...) comes from arcane bloodlines?

During Constantine and Madame Z's divorce arc the last two chapters, one of the main points of tension within the Foundation is the fact that there are more arcanists than there used to be in the past (hinted to be a result of the "Storm"). And that these arcanists no longer feel comfortable having so many restrictions within society now that they're no longer a minority that's easy to ignore. While this information could work as an argument to support my theory, I think it's easier to remember that all the characters in-game are people that Vertin takes along to brave the storm with her - as seen with Regulus, they're special. The fact that there's so many of them isn't an issue. The ones not relevant to the main story are summoned with the spinning wheel from their respective times, it is not indicative of a high amount of Arcanists overall because they don't share the same space or time.

Characters like Druvis III, Mesmer Jr, Matilda and Sotheby are stated to come from prestigious or important arcanist families, but for other characters its either a subtle implication or their families are not addressed in the slightest.

And this finally brings us to the "Mixed" - where do they fit? Does this term allude to something different, just like the "Beyond"? Are they Mixed because their Afflatus is different? Or because they come from a family that includes both Arcanists and non-magical humans? Or because they're not full Arcanists? For this, we have to examine both Satsuki and Pavia. Both of them share a very particular detail that is important to their respective backstories: neither of them know their parents.

Satsuki is an orphan, which led her to start a life of crime out of necessity. The defining trait of her character is that she's trying to put her past behind her. This excerpt is from her 01 Story.

On this hopeless land, the orphan girl could only make a living by theft, which had earned her the title "Little Thief Using Arcane Skill" from the local government.

As for Pavia, he was sent to live with his aunt after his mother's death. The information on Pavia's parents is mentioned in his 02 Story and one of his voicelines.

His aunt did not like him. The child's face resembled that of her beautiful, sorrowful sister who had abandoned her, gone to the city, then died a few years later.

Mio padre (my father) was missing, Mia madre (my mother) was in the asylum. I can't remember her face, but I vaguely remember the rhyme she sang me... She's in Rome, probably in her middle age. I've never visited her.

On Pavia's specifically, there is a little confusion from my part since his 02 Story says that his mother died a few years after she left for the city, but then Pavia's voiceline implies she's still alive. I go into detail about that in this other post here, so I won't do it again either cause this post is already long as shit.

Either way, the main thing to keep in mind is that neither of these characters knew their parents, which could explain why "Mixed" is a category for Arcanists whose families and bloodlines couldn't be properly traced on account of not knowing them.

But also, "Mixed" encompasses arcanists who aren't purebloods, as implied by this document on Manus Vindictae from chapter 3:

"Holding a grudge against humans and contempt for the mixed, these extreme racists only recognize the bodies ruled by arcanist's blood as 'mankind'."

"In that case, humans, arcanists on the human side, and the mixed who tolerate the pollution of arcanist's blood [...]"

The wording used to described the Mixed speaks for itself. There's a discussion to be had about the parallels between the stigma against Arcanists and real life racism, or rather, how it replaces racism as we know it within the universe of the game. But that's an entire different debate. Overall, it's safe to assume that "Mixed" is a term for those without traceable and/or fully arcane families.

As for the "Infected", I have nothing to say because there's no one in that list! From what I can gather trying to look up information on them, Schenider was put on that list in the CN version for the demo, but was later taken out. I'll leave it at that for this part.

The next part of the profile states when they were exhibited and for how long. The first thing that comes to people's minds is to assume the year/era stated is when the character was born and that the age listed is their current age.

But upon closer inspection, that year of birth theory falls apart rather quickly because of characters like Regulus, who has been "exhibited" in two different centuries. Satsuki as well has two different ages listed. Or the fact that characters who should know their exact birth year instead have an approximation of it, like Matilda. Sonetto, despite being on the same age range as both Vertin and Matilda, is listed to have been exhibited in the 20th century too instead of the 1990's like Matilda's profile. Lilya, who was also in the Foundation at the same time as those three, is said to have been exhibited in the second half of the 20th century. They're within the same period, but imply very different things in the end. It's little details and wordings that simply don't add up.

But the biggest thing that ruins this assumption is the fact that characters born in the 90's simply wouldn't have any time to be the age they're listed as, because time began to go backwards on the year 1999.

This might be something explained in future CN chapters or events, I recall seeing people talking about how there are hints and clues about how time might've advanced up to 2006, that Vertin has been lied to in that regard, that the Foundation knows more than it lets on. And that could definitely affect my current analysis, but again, I'm a global player </3.

So assuming time DID stop in 1999 AND that the years listed are their birth years... Let's talk about Matilda and Pavia, characters stated to have been exhibited in the 1990's. Pavia is stated to have been exhibited for 25 years, while Matilda has been exhibited for 14 years - there are 11 years of difference between them, already impossible for characters who were both born in the 1990's. If Pavia was born in 1990, Matilda would've had to have been born in 2001 for their ages to line up. This isn't even taking into consideration the fact that they would've also have to live BEYOND 1999.

One could argue that they could've continued aging as expected with the reversal of time, but Matilda is the only one who could've done so by virtue of being a student within the Foundation - who are not affected by the "Storm". Pavia wouldn't have been able to, because only those special Arcanists can brave the storm if they're WITHIN Vertin's suitcase. The other option to survive a storm would be to work with the Foundation or Manus Vindictae. I can also safely say that Vertin wouldn't have been able to save Pavia on time, on account of being a child and the fact that Regulus was the first Arcanist she ever saved - something that took place in 1966.

Which begs the question: what does the year a character was first exhibited mean?

I've been told that one of the most popular theories within the CN fandom is that the year dictates the moment the character developed their Arcanum. For a magazine that focuses on Arcanists' and the truth about them, it makes sense to focus on when they first began to develop their unique Arcane skills. It does help with some age inconsistencies, but it leads me to think again about the previous examples.

Pavia first developed his skills as a child - it's the same argument as before. The timeframe is much too narrow for things to line up with his current age. And again, there's characters with more than one exhibition date.

I think it's pretty simple and that we might be reading too much into it: an exhibition is just a public display of art. The exhibition date is just the eras in which the characters were seen. The era they're from.

I don't have Regulus, but I remember her global Cover profile lists two different ages. The wikifandom states this for her profile: "Exhibited in the mid-20th century for 15 years." The era listed, mid-20th century, is equivalent to the period between 1930s and 1960s - this lines up with the main story, as Regulus braves the "Storm" from her era in 1966 (note she was already 15) to 1929.

For characters that aren't relevant to the main story (or that simply aren't affiliated with the Foundation or Manus Vindictae) the era they were exhibited in could apply to the moment they were taken from by Vertin's spinning wheel - the abilities of the item and the way characters are summoned seems to transcend time and space, leaving it all vague, magical and mysterious enough to make it work without too much scrutiny.

Next! The date the characters' were "completed" is simply their birthday. This is easy to check, since we can check all birthdays of the month when looking at the Sign-In menu and tapping on the birthday cake on the top right.

Right now, as of writing this, it's December. Rabies' birthday is on the 14th, which aligns with the information on his Cover profile.

Next, their place of birth and different places of exhibit. Pretty self-explanatory too! This is where they were born and all the relevant places the character might've traveled to throughout their life.

This post got very long, so I'll be talking about the remaining sections in a different one! If you've read this far, thank you! And if you have more insight, thoughts or would like to discuss details I might've missed, overlooked or that you feel are relevant, I'm all ears! I love talking lore and theories with others <3

[cha1cedony]

I think part of the reason Gothcleats has literally like consumed my mind since becoming canon is because I think about the Wilsons in the context of marriage/romantic relationships SO much?? Like. Being aro, I normally don’t like analyzing characters through the lens of romance and how they function with crushes or in relationships… It’s just not that interesting to me, and I don’t like basing a character’s personality or worth on their romantic (or sexual) dynamics with other characters. BUT THE WILSONS? OH BOY.

Ramble under the cut bc this got way too long

ALSO!!! Warning for discussions of sex! Not very in-depth. (It’s mostly just about Grant and Marco hooking up on the Titanic lol)

Anyway!

So so so much of the Wilsons’ identities in canon (and also to an even further extent in my fics/headcanons/mind hehe) are based on their marriages and immediate nuclear families. For Darryl, his entire life WAS his family. As far as we know, the same was the case for Frank, and even Robert Wilson was pretty much always talking about his gal Sal iirc. Like obviously bc this podcast is about family, BUT as your resident Wilsons expert (lmao), I want to put forth that the Wilsons in particular are about marriage!

I think the best example of this, actually, is in S2 when (on the night before Grant’s WEDDING), Darryl is talking to Grant about marriage and says that he and Grant both know that Carol and Marco respectively are too good for them. Which like. is also one of the most loaded and important statements to me in this whole goddamned podcast (and probably THE most important for the Wilsons) for many reasons. but I digress lolol

For Darryl and Grant both, there’s a perceived power imbalance in their marriages: not in an abusive way or anything, but rather as like… a measure of self-worth? For better or worse, their self-esteem and sense of self-worth are dependent on the people close to them, especially their romantic partners.

Darryl is constantly comparing himself to his father (as is Grant), but not just as a father—as a husband, too. Darryl tells Frank that he wishes he had the kind of relationship with Carol that Frank had with Darryl’s mom (which is. doubly ironic and sad bc Darryl’s mom was cheating on Frank, and he almost cheated on her, too. but I digress again oops)

But he compares himself to Carol, too, thinking she’s smarter and ‘better’ than him, and Grant especially compares himself a LOT to Marco, saying that Lincoln would be better off with Marco as a single dad and that Marco is ‘better’ than him in general. I find this extra interesting bc Frank does NOT do the same with Darryl’s mom; in fact, he (albeit light-heartedly) says she’s worse than him for having cheated—I don’t have transcripts in front of me, but something along the lines of “If you think that’s bad…”

And that’s why I think the best (and honestly only) way to really examine the Wilsons as characters/people is through the lens of their marriages.

So much of Darryl’s character especially is based solely on Carol. He’s been with her since she was 13-14 and he was 14-15, and so much of his personality and life is entirely formed around her. She’s his best friend. When he gets the idea that she might be cheating on him, or dead (as a mummy), he loses himself because, like. What else is he if not Carol’s best friend, her husband, the father of her son? Almost any time Darryl has any character development (that isn’t related to his dad or son), it’s about his romantic and sexual relationships and feelings: with Carol, with Sweet Matilda, with the fucking sex pit! Lmao

And he and Carol NOT divorcing after S1 is honestly the only thing that makes sense to me; what else would he do? Even if they never manage to fix it all, what else does he have? (The answer is all of his family and newfound friends, but he can’t see it that way; his self-worth centers around HER, remember; she’s BETTER than him.) So they stay together, and he dies believing she still loves him and will be happy to be unchangingly domestic him with him all over again in heaven, whether it’s true or not. Until then, he lives with a facade of her and their son (btw the fake personal heaven Grant is a kid, so Darryl is presumably reliving his life before the events of S1 without changing anything which… is sad for a whole other set of reasons) because Darryl can’t be alone; what is he alone? ALSO. Okay actually no. I won’t get on my aromantic Darryl soapbox right now, but….. expect it at a later date lol. This part got kinda rambly/headcanon-y oops.

A lot of Grant’s character is ABOUT his romantic feelings/relationships; he’s pretty much inextricable from them. His crush on Yeet was originally his whole character (aside from aloof gamer kid lol): Shy, easily embarrassed, extremely obvious about his crush, trying to impress this cute and cool guy. And then, by the time of the Supper Bowl arc, after the chimera and everything else, he becomes more complex, of course, but those feelings are still at the center of everything—because they’re his escape.

He tells Yeet the TWO things that make him feel alive are violence (whether done TO him or BY him) and his crush on Yeet. Grant’s romantic feelings become linked and equated with violence and rage (which. makes me feel crazy btw but anyway. Sorry I love Grant beyond words) and are the only temporary cures for his dissociation.

So when Grant is an adult, of course he relies on romance and sex like a crutch; it makes him feel safe and real, and it’s an intersection of love and violence that makes him feel at peace.

I know it’s a funny moment, but this always makes me think of him and Marco hooking up on the Titanic: Grant believes wholeheartedly that they are both going to die and that there’s nothing he can do about it (or maybe he just doesn’t even want to try to save them). When Marco finds out what’s happening and sort of scolds Grant for it, Grant is embarrassed and says it’s because he’s just “having so many feelings” (probably not exact words), which is also interesting because that’s pretty much the opposite of his original problem of dissociating.

But, between being overwhelmed and dissociative, at its core, the same root feeling is there: hopelessness and helplessness. Also, in his second conversation with Lincoln is S2, Grant says that violence and killing help with his self-worth, also (which ties back to what I said earlier about the connection between the Wilsons’ self-worth and their marriages). When Grant kills someone, all of his doubts disappear and “it all goes white.” If we’re looking at this through the lens that Grant equates violence and love/sex, it must give him that same feeling of… blissful ignorance? Emptiness.

This leads me to believe Grant copes with feelings of hopelessness and self-doubt not just through killing, but through romance and sex, too—like we see on the Titanic (lol)

There’s a lot more speculation I could do about both Darryl and Grant (and Frank, and even all their spouses), but I’m trying to leave it to at least canon-adjacent stuff. Anyway, let me finally circle this all back around to Lincoln lol…

It’s clear that Lincoln thinks romantic relationships are very important. He thinks marriage is beautiful (and, based on his dads’ marriage, that all marriages are good and happy lol—which is especially funny/interesting to me when you consider the several times it’s been said that something Lincoln did/does is the only thing holding their marriage together, and he’s the whole reason Grant didn’t call off the wedding in the first place). His dads have spent a lot of time educating him about love and sex and personal choice in both of those categories, which he references a few times, but, despite their emphasis on personal choice and not raising him Catholic but encouraging him to believe whatever he wants, Lincoln, at 16, is SURE that he will get married someday (and probably young, since he said to Normal that a few years is a long time to wait lol). The Wilsons’ generational insistence on marriage, romantic relationships, and nuclear families persists regardless of Catholicism, it seems :’)

Lincoln’s marriage to Chris in the simulation was also clearly really important to him—and to Chris, too, since they asked him never to remarry. I know the cast joked about this, but it does make me a little sad that Lincoln’s relationship with Chris seemed to be a lot like Darryl’s with Carol! Granted, we only know a like two things about Chris lol… also, I LIKE Chris and Carol! A lot! No hate to either of them <3 but also, that doesn’t mean those relationships aren’t strained, you know?

Anyway! A lot of Lincoln’s character can of course be attributed to his dads’ marriage, like I said before, but his marriage in the simulation was pretty big, too. Although he doesn’t talk about it a lot, it must have matured him, at least on the inside. He later references the job he had in the simulation, as well as being a dad. When he marries the other teens in space, he still thinks of Chris and what they would think. Once again, like Darryl and Grant, a lot of Lincoln’s decisions and beliefs are tied to his spouse—even if they’re not there or were never even real to begin with. Even once he’s married to the other teens, he takes it VERY seriously with pet names and domesticities.

All of this to say, it makes me wonder about his marriage to Scary in relation to his characterization as an adult! I’m not speculating that their relationship is bad or anything; I don’t want it to be and in fact VERY MUCH hope they’ve broken cycles. I just wonder how it affects him as a character (and Scary, too, of course)!

I was really excited when Gothcleats became canon not just because I shipped them, but mostly because I think the Wilsons are most interesting when looked at through their marriages. Lincoln has always put a really strong emphasis on marriage, and all of his pet names and PDA with Scary in the S2 epilogue confirmed to me that they take after the previous Wilson generations in GOOD ways, which makes me really happy.

I guess the main question I’m getting at is about how Lincoln perceives himself in this relationship. In the years soon after the end of S2, does he still feel that same emptiness and feeling of “not caring”? Does he try to cure it in the same way as his father, making “it all go white” with violence or sex or getting someone else to hold him together, or his grandfather, suppressing his depression and trying to will it away with love and close/‘happy’ romantic relationships? Does he find any of those things in Scary? Does he see himself as her equal, or does he feel inferior, like she’s smarter or more capable or ‘better’ than him? He did say multiple times in S2 that she’s the leader, she’s the one who knows what she’s doing, and he just wants to follow along because he doesn’t care anymore.

I hope not. I hope Lincoln and Scary are really happy together. I hope their self-worth is not determined by their partner. I guess that’s all this ramble is :’)

OKAY WHEW. I’m done. That was fun :D

Thanks for subjecting yourself to my ramblings omfg… please send me all of your Wilsons thoughts always. I’ve been wanting to write a long thing about this FOREVER… The aro Darryl fic(s) will come eventually. Also one about Grant coping (badly lol) with sex, which has been in the works forever bc I am bad at NSFW. But it’s fun. Uhhh I guess that’s all?

OH ALSO. If you want to read more of my post-canon Gothcleats thoughts, I published a 15k fic the other day about Jerry being their foster kid! Here you go :3

Hit the Ground Running - chalcedony

(It’s very fluffy and sweet—which is rare for me, but I promise I’m not lying! It’s silly and fun. And I do not speculate too much about Lincoln’s inner turmoil, I pinky promise)

If you read this all. Um…. Sorry? LMAO. Here is a gold star for you ⭐️

[miekasa]

fluff alphabet: eren jaeger

↯ pairing: eren jaeger x (fem) reader

↯ genres and warnings: modern au, more fluff but that’s what you come here for at this point

↯ word count: 3.5k… again… i’m sorry…?

↯ notes: i don’t know why all of these are so long, but here you go again

Activities — What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Honestly, anything. I’ve said before that I think the love language he gives/expresses the most is quality time. That being said, almost anything you want to do, Eren is down to do with you.

In fact, you don’t even have to do anything. Eren just likes being in your presence. He could spend several days inside your apartment doing nothing but talking to you.

He does get a little antsy sometimes, so he would plan fun dates to get you both out of the house; but again, if you wanted to plan something instead of him, he wouldn’t be opposed.

Takes you to places like amusement parks and fairs, bars/new restaurants, swimming, basically anything he can find. His guilty pleasure is karaoke, and insists that the both of you get drunk and sing your little hearts out to pop songs until 1am. 

Beauty — What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Eren thinks you’re pretty. All the time, and he makes it a point to tell you at least twice a day; often times, more.

If you have small/specific beauty marks or scars or anything on your skin, Eren is infatuated with them. Whenever you’re cuddling he’ll seek them out/trace them/kiss them.

Everytime he finds a new one he gasps like a child and is like “Babe! Did you know you have a little freckle here, look!”

If you have a passion for something, or are just general a pretty organized student, Eren would admire that about you. He somewhat looks up to you in those respects, too.

Comfort — How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack, etc.?

To him, the best method is to give you something to do—so, in a sense, provide a distraction for you.

He’ll try and teach you about his favorite video games and have you play with him. Even if you’re bad or you say you don’t want to, he’ll insist, and use teaching you as a method to get your mind off of whatever’s bothering you.

He’s not always the most perceptive, but he can tell when you’re sadder than usual, or obviously, when you’re upset.

He also gives good hugs. If all else fails and he feels like he can’t help you in any other tangible way, he’ll just hug you for as long as he can.

Dreams — How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Honestly, how ever you picture things, is how ever Eren is going to picture them, too. Mostly, he just wants to have fun with you, and wants to continue making you happy for as long as he can.

His biggest goal is that one day he wants to feel truly worthy of all the affection you give him; he wants to be good enough to be someone you choose to stay with.

Equal — Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Eren kind of falls for/into those “traditional” relationship roles; and while part of it is definitely an “I’m the man, so I want to do this” mindset, most of it is kind of “Well, why wouldn’t I?”

A lot of Eren’s affection and actions come from a place that seem simple and almost instinctual to him; and he doesn’t even realize how profound his thoughts and actions can be.

For example, he’ll help you carry things or drive you around or open doors for you. All things that seem chivalrous and might be expected of a “man,” but to Eren they’re just things to do, if that makes sense?

He doesn’t do it because he thinks you’re not capable, nor to be particularly chivalrous. In his head, he’s thinking “I care about them, so obviously, I’m going to help them out.”

Fight — Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Disagreements may happen because Eren is very vocal about his opinions on things. That doesn’t mean that he’s not open to change, but you might find out you don’t agree to many things because he’ll voice his opinion on them.

Whenever you do argue, he makes the argument a lot worse in his mind than what’s actually going on. He tends to jump the gun a lot and make assumptions that you wouldn’t have gotten to yourself.

He might simmer and wallow in it for a little bit afterwards (especially if he thinks he was right), but after some time he would either see the light himself, have it knocked into him by Armin, or just not want to keep fighting with you. Even if he was right, he doesn’t want to waste time being mad about something that could be easily talked about.

Gratitude — How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Eren gets very easily flustered when he understands how much thought you put into things about/for him. Especially gifts—because he couldn’t fathom the idea of someone getting something tailored to him.

So, he’s very grateful. He almost thinks he’s undeserving of you and your affections to a certain point. Especially in moments when he’s hyperaware of just how much he means to you.

Honesty — Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

He might have personal secrets and insecurities he doesn’t voice often because they can be hard to reckon with himself; but nothing scandalous that he’s keeping hidden.

He’s kind of an oversharer to be honest lolol. He doesn’t keep the things he’s doing/has done to himself, and is more than willing to tell you about his day, or his plans, or just anything.

If it’s something serious, he might sit on it for a while before coming clean to you, but he would eventually. He would just need the time to figure it out for himself first.

Inspiration — Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Being in a  long-term relationship has taught Eren so much about how other people see him and his self-worth.

He either didn’t think much of himself as a whole person before; or thought his life and plans were kind of… dispensable to a certain extent. He didn’t necessarily feel like he needed to want anything bigger than himself, or for anyone but himself; but now he knows that that’s a path to fulfillment; and he knows he wants you.

It’s also taught him the importance of expressing himself in words. He was always good at it with actions, and he’s still not the best with his words, but he’s getting there. And it’s now a conscious effort on his part.

Jealousy — Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

He can get jealous easily, but he doesn’t do anything about it a lot of the time. He knows that most of his feelings of jealous are surface level and petty, and he shouldn’t make an argument out of it.

When he gets jealous like that though—of someone maybe coming on to you at a party or a restaurant—the most he does is, like, obnoxiously clear his throat or roll his eyes, or just glare at the offending person. His glare is pretty effective honestly; most of the time it keeps people from approaching in the first place, and they say preventive measures are the best cure.

When you’re both home, he’s extra affectionate, and pouty about how he thinks everyone should just back off because he’s your boyfriend and the best boyfriend for you.

He actually gets a little upset if you don’t get a little bit jealous when people are obviously flirting with him. He would kind of like it if you had a light possessive instinct over him… it might turn him on a bit, too.

Kiss — Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

He is very enthusiastic, and never turns down an opportunity to kiss you. Over time his kisses become more refined; that is more tailored to kissing you and not just kissing someone in general. Practice makes perfect, after all.

He was probably nervous as fuck during the first kiss, but played it off (or at least tried to). Likely very sweet and cautious; a series of small kisses that build up to something a little fuller.

Love Confession — How would they confess to their s/o?

He has a moment of realization. Like, a pretty big one; he either got there himself, or one of his friends said something like “Eren, don’t you… like them?”

When he has that moment, he either sits on it for a very, very, very long time; or just blurts it out at you because he can’t keep it in any more.

If you’re friends before hand, he would consider the possibilities of a relationship with you, but he already knows he likes being around you; and he would probably love being in a relationship with you because of that.

Marriage — Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

It can go either way with him. He could love the idea of marriage—because it’s like hanging out with your very best friend every single day. You get to live together, everybody knows you’re together, and you just get to spend the rest of your lives together. That sounds like a pretty sweet deal to him.

Or he could think it’s kind of a meh idea. He knows he loves you and he knows you love him, he doesn’t see why he would need to host what’s basically an expensive party and ceremony to show all of your close friends that. They should already know. But if you want to get married and have a fancy wedding, who is Eren to deny you that.

He seems like the type to fuck up his proposal a bunch of times and then eventually snap like “Fuck this—I love you, and I want to love you for the rest of my life, please marry me.”

Nicknames — What do they call their s/o?

He calls you “babe” more often than anything else.

When he’s drunk or just wanted to distract/annoy you, he’ll call you something super dramatic and sweet like “my little sugarplum” just to get a reaction out of you.

He has a slight possessive streak, so he also likes to call you his girl.

On Cloud Nine — What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

He expresses his feelings mostly through spending time with you, but also by being your personal hype man. Eren is willing to support you and all of your ambitions, and might cheer a little too loudly for you on the sidelines, but at least you know he cares.

It’s quite obvious that Eren is in love, maybe not necessarily because he has heart eyes; but because he has this focus on improving himself. It would also be obvious in the way he talks about you to his friends and family. He might not even realize how often he slips your name into conversation, or adds tidbits about you when someone says something that reminds him of you.

He talks to his mom about you a lot, and she always has to hold back her little All-Knowing Mom Smirk because her baby is in love and she’s so happy for him. 

PDA — Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss when others are watching?

It’s a complicated dynamic with Eren. He wants everyone to know he has a hot girlfriend, but also doesn’t want people talking about his relationship lmaooo. He’s both reserved and not-shy about it at the same time.

He’s not all that big on PDA, and would never kiss you in front of his friends because he knows he can be easily embarrassed (not embarrassed to be with you, but shy to do those kinds of things in front of his friends and get teased for it). Besides, he wouldn’t want any of his friends making out with their s/o in front of him.

He’ll hold your hand a lot though—but, again, to him, it’s not a conscious act of romance; he’s holding your hand because he wants to and he doesn’t realize that he wants to because he’s craving affection. He’s a little slow on the uptake with his own feelings; but he’s a lot quicker with actions.

He does kind of like it when you kiss him on the cheek, though. And if it’s been a long night of you and his friends hanging out together, he doesn’t mind if you get a little touchy with him when you’re sleepy.

Quirk — Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

He’s really good at guessing when public transportation is going to come LMAOO. Like, yes, there’s a schedule for it, but he’s scary good at predicting how late/early it’s going to be which minimizes wait times. Eren doesn’t wait for the bus, the bus comes to Eren.

He’s also a pretty good photographer and has an eye for angles, so he’s good at taking pictures for you and of you when you’re out on dates. He’s also good at photographing food, and even though he thinks it’s pointless he’ll still do it for you.

Romance — How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

He’s a balance of cliché and creative—it depends on the occasion.

For things like Valentine’s Day or anniversaries, he’ll probably go the classic, cliché route of getting you flowers and stuffed animals if you’re into that kind of thing.

But when it comes to birthdays, he can get very creative and thinks about your gift for a long time. Again, in his head it’s not romance, it’s just him doing what he thinks is right, but it turns out to be pretty damn romantic.

Support — Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Of course he believes in you! You helped him believe in himself, so obviously he’s going to want to help you do the same thing and support you while he’s at it.

This is one area where Eren never gets jealous—he always wants you to achieve your goals, and never compares your progress to him. He just wants you to be happy and will do what he can to help.

He gets a little frustrated if he can’t help you at all, but understands that maybe just moral and emotional support might be enough in those situations.

Thrill — Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

He’s a little (very) unhinged, so he’s always down to try something new. He’s the kind of person who will take you bungee jumping on a date because it’s “fun” and “exciting.” Eren knows no boundaries, so very few things and experiences are off-limits to him.

He would like some kind a routine/established roles, but he’s always down to experiment. If he ends up not liking it, then so be it, but at least he can say he tried.

Understanding — How good to they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

He knows you better than he thinks he does. He thinks about you a lot, especially when it comes to holidays/birthdays/gift giving and can get frustrated when he doesn’t find an answer right away, but he always pulls through in the end.

He kind of expects to know everything about you very quickly, which leads to obvious frustration. But over time, he learns almost everything he wants to know and then some; even if he isn’t the best at showing that he’s retained that information on a daily basis.

He needs someone to be empathetic towards him more than the other way around, but Eren would try hard to put himself in your shoes if you needed him to.

Value — How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

It’s very important to him, dare he say one of his top priorities.

Eren cares about people deeply, and you couldn’t be in a long-term relationship with him without him making you his business. Your relationship is special to him, and he wants to do his best to keep it going.

It might even come at the cost of some of his other obligations/relationships at first because he’s new to balancing life personal life and relationship; but over time he learns to balance things out. You’re still pretty damn high on his priority list, though.

Wild Card — A random fluff head canon.

Takes pictures and videos of you while you’re sleeping or falling asleep, and stitches them all together on your birthday and posts it to his story. Every single year without fail.

Got you both customized matching sneakers and gets stupidly giddy when you both wear them at the same time. He takes a billion pictures when you have them on.

Got you a nameplate anklet with his gamertag on it. Not so fluffy, but he really likes the way it looks on his shoulder 😌

XOXO — Are they ver affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Absolutely, he’s like an overgrown puppy on two legs, Eren loves to cuddle. He’s all over you, and very weak for any kind of affection when the two of you are alone.

He gets upset if you don’t sit directly next to (or on top of him) when you sit on the couch, and pouts about it before flopping on top of you instead.

His first move when he goes to your place or you come over is to wrap you in a hug, and he doesn’t let go for at least a full minute. And even then, he’ll probably waddle behind you in a back hug for a significant amount of time, or until you’re ready to lay down.

King of giving forehead kisses and bumping his nose against yours before his kisses your lips. He’s a sucker for all of it, no matter how much he plays it off when he’s around his friends.

Yearning — How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Simple: he will call you as many times as possible so as to make it feel like you never even left.

FaceTime is the most used app in Eren’s phone. If you’re away from him for a period of time, he’ll find any excuse to call you and see you, and he gets extra bold when flirting with you.

He also likes to steal your clothes/jewelry. He might put on one of your necklaces or chains or steal one of your bigger/more oversizes hoodies if you have them. Puts his big ass feet in your house slippers.

He sends you pictures of him in all your stuff too, claiming that if you want them back, then you should come see him to get them.

Zeal — Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind?

He definitely is. In a modern au, again, I’m not sure what kind of great lengths they are to go to, but Eren will fight for you.

Even before you’re together, he’ll show you how dedicated he is to you and wanting to be with you.

Then, I suppose, his loyalty is his greatest display of zeal. Eren lets you know how dedicated he is to you and making your relationship work; and tries to prove it you (and himself a little bit) every day.

[bluemusickid]

A request for Jake Jensen x reader, reader is baking and Jake tries to help to only end up in a big mess and them all over each other on the surfaces in their kitchen 😏🍆🤤😉 smut please an lots of it please and thank you 😊

Oh woooow, digging the Jake Jensen love. Sorry it took me so long lol, my brain won't comply. I added a lil' twist, nonnie, hope you don't mind! (Provided you're still reading, heh.)

Pairing: Chef!Jake Jensen × Fem!Reader

Warnings: smut, 18+, MINORS DNI, unprotected sex (don’t be silly wrap your willy), Jake being Jake, kinda filthy lolol

A/N: Join my taglist here. Minors not allowed, pls heed all warnings. You are responsible for your media consumption, and you alone. Not beta'ed, any mistakes, grammatical or otherwise are all mine. I only post my work on AO3 and Tumblr, nowhere else. Reblogs are welcome and appreciated. Peace and love.  Dividers by the wickedly talented @firefly-graphics . Hope you enjoy this lil' lighthearted piece. xoxo Lexi

Baker’s Delight

You huffed, a small cloud of flour forming as you did. You'd stayed back after hours at school, determined to get good at crème brûlée before leaving. Chef Jensen had been kind enough to explain it twice, but somehow your brain wouldn’t register the steps. You were determined to get it right, even if it meant staying up all night, even staying at the school.

You poured the ingredients in a huge bowl, measuring everything to the last milligram. You would make the best crème brûlée the world saw, better than that damn Julian, who just wanted to get Chef Jensen's attention. Pfft. You'd show him.

You were about to start mixing when a noise startled you out of your thoughts, the bowl nearly falling off the counter. Your stomach plunged at the thought of your hard work going to vain, but thankfully, by divine providence, it was caught by a hand which popped out from behind you, grabbing the bowl and swiftly keeping it back on the counter.

You gasped and turned with a whoosh, your chest bumping against a hard wall of muscle, as you looked up into the eyes of your lover. Jake looked at you, amusement evident in his eyes.

“Hey baby.” he crooned, giving you a peck on your cheek. You smiled. You both had agreed to be professional during class, but you had to admit, seeing him in action and being in complete control, made him irresistible.

His meringue class was the the best; his strong muscular arms beating those egg whites by hand, it could be categorised as porn. You’d heard a few girls swoon about how his bulging biceps were flexing with every turn of the whisk. You couldn’t help feeling a little jealous; that night, you rode him like it was the end of the world, in his uniform no less. He was bemused at first, but didn’t complain (obviously).

You did want to make it as a good chef, no doubt, and it did help that he was a renowned Chef, who took his job seriously. But sometimes you felt like if you weren’t together, he wouldn’t pay attention to you. You knew you weren’t the best student, which is why you spent extra time after school, honing your skills. You’d show that kiss ass Julian what a real crème brulèe looked like. Without kissing ass. Well, maybe only a little.

You turned around, returning to the task at hand. You couldn't afford to get distracted, no matter how hot he looked with his tousled hair and chain hanging loosely from the confines of his tight t-shirt. Whisking the egg whites, you faltered as you felt his hands settle over yours, setting the appropriate speed. His hot breath tickled your ear as you felt him hot and hard against your hip, slightly undulating as he helped you whisk. Your breath caught in your throat, your eyes closing as you let your emotions wash over you.

"I guess they're done now." You whispered, letting go of the whisk. Jake was now nibbling on your earlobe, his hands resting on your hips. "Good." he mumbled, roughly turning you as he pulled off your apron and shirt in a frenzy, leaving you in your bra. You gasped, alarmed at his alacrity. Everyone had already left the school by now, but the security in the building could very well walk in at any moment.

Pulling off your bra, he took a nub in his mouth, laving it with his tongue, as his fingers skilfully caressed your other nipple, leaving you breathless. Your fingers moved to his pants, trying to undo his belt buckle but failing. He stopped his ministrations, turning you around to face the counter. Undoing your jeans and pulling them down along with your underwear, he dipped his fingers into the bowl of sweetened condensed milk, trailing them down your back. You moaned, unable to stay silent any longer. The asshole knew that your back was one of your most sensitive parts and drove you wild. Leaning down, he licked the condensed milk, softly biting down on the flesh after every caress of his tongue. You keened, moving your hips against his clothed crotch, his arousal very evident. Moving his fingers lower, he slipped a finger into your weeping channel, a muffled groan escaping his mouth as your walls tightened around his finger. He fucked you with his fingers, all the while thrusting himself against you for relief. Breaking apart, you pulled away his hand as you reached behind and undid his pants with urgency, pulling down the offending item in a great hurry.

Letting out a throaty chuckle, Jake pushed you down onto the counter roughly, your ass in the air, bare for him to marvel and appreciate. With a low growl, he took himself in his hand and pumped himself before grinding along your slit, gathering the moisture. With a grunt, he plunged into you, burying himself inside you to the hilt.  You wailed as you felt him enter, the burn a welcome feeling. He pulled out for a bit and thrust again, letting you absorb the feeling of fullness. Your soft moan turned him on following which, he let himself go. He began fucking you, really fucking you, with abandon. Your nipples pebbled against the cold counter, in contrast to the heat that was spreading within you, emanating from your core. 

Pulling your arm, Jake doubled his speed by using your appendage as traction, his thighs squeezing yours, causing your walls to grasp him even tighter. He groaned, rasping, “Wanted to fuck you on your table since yesterday, princess. Seeing you bend around and lick ​chocolate from those delectable fingers got me so fuckin’ hard, gorgeous.” Thrusting harder, he elicited a whimper from you as he pulled you upright, whispering in your ear, ordering you to come for him.

And with that, you were a goner. You came so hard, you saw stars burst behind your eyelids as you screamed his name for the world to hear. He shouted a few moments later, his release coating your walls, every last drop inside you. You both fell forward, knocking down the bowl. Jake raised his head after a few moments, dropping a kiss on your shoulder, “This crème brulèe was wayyyy better than Julian’s, but I’d like to check if you’ve thoroughly understood the method.”, pulling you to the floor for your next lesson.

Tagging: @donutloverxo @gotnofucks @imdarkinme @worksby-d @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @chris-butt @patzammit @chrissquares @a-little-counter-esperanto @starlightcrystalline @jbreenr @readermia @harrysthiccthighss @ozarkthedog @tenaciousperfectionunknown @savior-adriana @whosmarisaaarw @melli0112

[mrsgiovanna]

Changes(Don Giorno x wife! Reader)

A sweet scenario requested by a sweet nonnie🥺. I hope this was worth the wait my love. A look at how the Don's wife celebrates his birthday, (I need to remember this for next April lolol. Thank you for the sweet ask 🤲🥺

Warnings: none, only fluff

WC: 1.5k

What to get the man who has the whole world in the palm of his hand… it was the golden haired don’s birthday and after thinking carefully about what you could do to celebrate him, any hopes for elaborate plans were thwarted by an emergency that had reared its ugly head in the upper echelons of Passione.

So much for the mini vacation to North island, you thought to yourself, taking care to not allow your disappointment to show. You knew that whatever had been tugging at his otherwise serene features must have been serious enough for him to tear himself away from his precious family on a day as important.

To soothe his overactive mind and give him a tiny surprise to start his day you had woken up early to make him a special breakfast of all his favourite foods, brewed his favourite mocha latte, musing about how the most powerful man in Italy could be brought down by his affinity for chocolate.

"Happy birthday Don Giovanna," you teased, knowing full well of the effect that the epithet had on your husband.

"Feeling brave this morning aren't we… haha, thank you bella mia, although, when you get to my age-"

"Before you complete that sentence, Giovanna, remember that we are the same age…" you cut him off before he could make a damning statement, and met his sheepish gaze with one of your own.

"I was going to say that they become even more precious…"

"Good save… come tesoro, sit, I've made all your favorites,"

Giorno sat next to you with a smile and started to scarf down the delicious food, discussing the measures he's had to put in place to buffer the consequences of the events leading to the crisis he faced.

"I could always come to help… use my special methods to make them comply," the Don chuckled at your suggestion, knowing that you were only half joking seeing that you were truly capable of carrying out your suggestion.

"I don't want you hurting these pretty little hands… I've got it covered… this is delicious amore, I've always loved the things you've made yourself the most,"

"Haha, charmer; don't let Henry hear that, the way that man slaves to create the things you love, I swear, how do you get people to just devote themselves to you so effortlessly?" you asked while reaching over to tame a stray hair that had worked its way out of his braid. Giorno just smiled and leaned into the touch, prolonging the moment he had with you, he was fully aware of the arduous task that awaited him when he left.

Delaying for as long as he could, he finally gathered his things and wrapped you in a long, tight embrace, sighing into the crook of your neck, it felt as if he were trying to memorize the contours of your body with his own.

"I must go now tesoro, I will be back as soon as possible," Giorno reluctantly tore himself away from you and got into the awaiting car. No sooner than he left, did your son wake up wanting for his father. Doing your best to placate him, you played a few games and eased him into his morning routine. As you sat on the plush carpeting of your bedroom playing peekaboo with the toddler and blowing raspberries into the soles of his feet, your thoughts drifted to how much your life had changed in just a few years.

Your days of accompanying Giorno to these intense meetings were now replaced by playful interactions with your son and all of the wonderful things that came with being the wife of Italy's most influential titan.

"Mama, when is papa coming home?" he asked, crawling into your lap.

"Well, it won't be too long, do you know what today is, piccolino?"

After thinking for a bit the toddler threw his arms up and looked at you with expectant green eyes further reminding you of his father.

"Today is papa's birthday! I need your help to make the day extra special for when he comes home, can you do that for mama?" With an emphatic nod from him you both set off about your day.

Giorno's words had stuck with you when he said that he preferred your cooking the most, so you decided to take all the preparations into your own hands, giving 0the kitchen staff at villa Giovanna the day off so you could meander about at your own pace and unwind as you channeled your inner domestic deity. It was easy enough to prepare Giorno's favourite meal; baking the cake, however, was something you'd need to spend a little extra time on. You set up a small area at the table for the little one to "complete his mission" , having asked him to draw his father a special picture while you mixed the batter for the chocolate cake Giorno loved so much.

The deliciously sweet scents of just-baked buttery, chocolate sponge cake had wafted their way towards a cute button nose, and soon you were hoisting your son up and into the bespoke marble countertop to help you decorate the homemade confection. You allowed his artistic flare to shine through admiring the charming appearance of the irregularly decorated cake. His proud, frosting-covered smile as he looked up at you made the arduous cleanup a little less tedious.

After erasing the evidence of your domestic adventures you had shifted the focus on yourself and your son, making sure you both were washed up and changed by the time the golden haired don would grace those hallways again. Having stayed awake through his mid-morning nap time, all it took was a warm bath and few back rubs for the little one to fall into a deep sleep, allowing you to shower and get changed yourself, slipping on one of Giorno's favourite outfits on you.

You examined the present you had gotten him- it may not have been the getaway you were hoping for- but the beautiful golden timepiece you held in your hands would suffice. Giorno had taken to collecting one-of-a-kind watches such as those, so you were certain that it would be utilized and appreciated. Staying true to your sentimental self, you had the watch inscribed with an inside joke that only he would understand, allowing him to always carry a piece of you with him.

A little wail roused you from your daydreams and prompted you to go to your son, soothing him as you went downstairs to make him a bottle. No sooner had you reached the kitchen did you feel a strong pair of arms encircling both you and the boy.

"It seems like I arrived at the right time, no? Look at that grumpy face, here, let me take care of that, let him adjust to his surroundings again," suggested Giorno, taking over your spot at the kitchen counter.

"Thanks tesoro, so tell me, how did everything go today? Are you okay?"

"Everything is finally under control… oh amore I was so angry, but seeing you two makes it all better now. You look beautiful by the way, I always love that colour on you," His soft words would have brought a broader smile to your face but when you saw his slightly messy hair and slumped shoulders, you chased him to the bathroom to take a long long relaxing shower, using the time to get all the elements of his surprise ready.

It didn't take too long for Giorno to return, looking so much more relaxed than when he had left. Exchanging his suit for comfortable, soft loungewear and letting his golden waves cascade over his shoulders as they finished drying, he was the picture of serenity, somehow still managing to make your heart skip a beat. Even your little one was more sprightly than before, and had wiggled his way out of your grip to run into his father's.

"Oh there's my boy!" cooed Giorno, playfully roughhousing a bit, before carrying him to the table and seating him on his lap.

"Are you ready to eat my love, I've made your favorites once again… ah before I forget, here you go, it's not what I initially wanted for you but I think you'd like it nonetheless. Happy birthday Giorno," you said, placing the ornate box in front of him. His eyes widened slightly while he examined the beautifully crafted watch, a knowing smile adorned his face after reading the inscription.

"Tesoro… This… this is so special… I love you,"

"I love you too Giogio, here, your son's been beside himself wanting to give this to you"

Addressing his excited son, he asked for a full commentary on what the picture was about, sensing the excitement from the little boy, who sweetly explained the scene depicting the three of you at the trip you all had taken to the coast to visit a certain former Capo.

"This is the best picture I've seen, thank you piccolino,I'm going to put it on my desk so I can always look at it,"

By the end of the evening, after devouring the delicious food and cutting up that charming cake, Giorno's heart felt so full. He watched as you tucked the exhausted but elated little boy to bed, and mused at how much his life had changed… It was now complete, and he was happy. In the past, birthdays passed unnoticed, but all that changed when he had taken over as Don and started his life anew… Suddenly growing older wasn't a pain anymore, as long as he was growing older with you.

[witch-hazels-musings]

Hey hey hazel~~

Just wanted to tell you, that you are amazing!~

You are the writer that stuck most to my feeds and I have no complaints about it, your works are GOLD and I love reading then and getting all giddy and stuff.

You also care for other people and its really nice and kind of you. You are also are a fun to talk to and it brightens my day.

So venting to us and sharing some troublesome thoughts wont hurt too, we care for you as much as you care for us even diluc

So we dont mind if you lean on us just for a bit lolol.

Another one~

Since Koharu is one to LOVE potato based foods I can imagine that Fay would probably scold her for only eating meat and just a small variety of vegetables.

"I don't wanna eat that though.." Koharu huffed.

"Its good for your health so you must eat." Fay nudged the radish soup.

"But its only vegetables! I need some- some kind of meat.." she trails off.

"Look there's Diluc!" She distracted Koharu lifting the spoon slowly.

"Where??" She looked around closely, even using her ears for an extra measure.

"I don't see him—" She was cut off with a spoon full of radish soup, with no choice but to swallow.

"Good right?" Fay teased.

"Y'know, you not wrong actually." She was enlightened that day.

-🦋

thank you 🙏 😊 (i know you all continue to support me on the regular, and just letting me know it’s okay to take it slow is enough to reassure my “i gotta go fast” brain !!

ahahah this little story made me laugh so hard -- use Diluc as a distraction 100% (honestly, if someone shouted “look there’s diluc” i’d probably have a heart attack) 

[ilovejaskierthebard]

Please share some silly and gross codpiece facts!

Note: I had a bad day, got a lil tispy and was like hell yeah let's talk about codpieces *fingerguns*

So, basically codpieces had always sorta been around during the middle ages, mostly just to cover dude's dicks -cus at some point, the tunics got shorter, the leggings tighter and yet no one decided to connect them as one thing so eventually society wisely told them to cover their dick. -Some churches even fined people who didn't. So that's...like it's humble beginnings. Dick bags.

-Srsly. There are cases of some being used as extra "pockets" anything from daggers, coins and jewels (some think this might be were the expression of "a man's family jewels" might come from) 

-but like...just for a second think on that. Would you really want to fight a man who keeps a blade next to his dick? Or rob him? The answer from me is a hard no, so maybe they were on to something.

-possible place to hide snacks. Do with that image what you will. 

-There are (probably hyped up) stories of Edward III of England during the Hundred Years War against the French had not only his own armored codpiece made up to a crazy size, but then also ordered his nobility/knights to do the same to scare the enemy. If you can't "fight 'em, make 'em wanna fuck us" mentality maybe? 

-they were adorned with jewels, fur, buckles, ribbon and padding because of course they were. These things would be exaggerated to literal points of hilarity. A lot of it started as a 'oh hey look at my dick, so great. Gotta be such a man to have such a stately one.' to 'my dick is the size of a boat, costs more than a fleet of them and has my family crest bejeweled on the top'. 

-Henry 8th, King Dickhead himself is famous for his codpieces. Like srsly. Just google that shit. Most codpieces went out of fashion pretty quickly (it was a fad) so we don't have a lot outside of paintings but we have some of his armour...and there's a famous one with a buldge/codpiece so large it could be used as a legit weapon by it's sheer size alone.

-*it's also used to be a thing to poke it with a needle to the fabric under it to increase your chances of getting knocked up.

-Charles V, Francis I and Henry 8th were probably totes have dick measuring contests with these things as they (and their sons) were some of the funniest paintings we have as examples

*Charles V has a famed one of him with his dog that just...makes me laugh every time I see it. Srsly. Google it. Please. He literally is pointing to his dick.

-Personally I adhere to the idea that it was also a way to hide having the pox/syphilis (Grace Vicary has a great book on it), believing the enlarged pieces (mostly worn by kings and nobility) was not only to protect the area from...uh friction? On their open sores and what not and make it worse🤢

-also to hide the affects of it's treatment (lolol which included shit like mercury, sulfur and tar amongst other shit) -which at the time was fucking eeeeeevvvvverywhere and turning a lot of upper crust dudes into walking dead extras.

-so anyways. Yeah I adhere to the idea that this is why codpieces got so popular and also why the rich were suddenly like LOOK AT MY DICK'S PIMPED OUT CUP. COOL, RIGHT? MY DICK HAS NEVER FALLEN OFF AND I TOTS DON'T HAVE THE POX

-honestly got to the point were they were so crazy big that people were like um...u is sus

Basically codpieces were the fanny packs of mystery but no one was fooled.

-Some dudes got bullied because of it basically being "full of lies" 

-like all things with fashion, things like color and texture had it's own meanings. Even the tilt. Or the...erectness? Is that a word? (Please forgive me I wish not to google that word if it's all the same)

Uh also, Id have to dig up more for sources but a lot of times parents would buy decked out ones for their sons.

Which like there is no era that isn't sorta weird in, right? Like if your mum buys you a decorated dickbag, hires an artist to paint a huge picture making sure to highlight it? That's kinda weird no matter what lol

Oh another fav is "Portrait of Antonio Navagero" I have few words, only laughter

[matsuokaparadise]

Rin texting you

Request:  Hello i absolutely love your blog from head to toe. Headcanons for rin texting his girlfriend? Would he use emojis?? Call her pet names? Send or ask selfies?? Would he write at insane hours just because he misses her? All about it pls 💕

Thank you very much for this cute as hell request!! Certainly made me happy to think about this lolol

i should start by saying that her name in his phone is most likely just her first name, clean and simple, nothing more, nothing less, no emojis

probably has a photo of her doing the peace sign or sth like that

he would 1000000% use pet names, i just cannot, for the life of me imagine Rin texting his girlfriend and not using babe or something like that 

i agree that it would most likely take him a while because he wants it to be natural and not cringe lol, so he wouldn’t just start calling her babe from day 1 of the relationship

he’d probably want to text her 24/7 but decide against it because he wants to look cool and he’s low-key worried that he’ll seem clingy if he texts her all the time

i can see him as someone to use a minimal amount of emojis, although i 100% think that he’d use wwwwwww or lol instead of laughing emojis

despite playing it cool most of the time, he’d definitely text her at super weird hours because he’s having a hard time and needs comfort

and usually he’d call her if he gets the okay, just because hearing her voice calms him down (aaaaaaaaa)

during times when he’s busy he’d definitely text her regularly just to check up on her and give her a quick run-up of his day 

definitely the type to send photos of what he’s doing, especially when he’s going somewhere - that’s also the cue that she has to send selfies or something back because if she does not the boi will get frustrated

he’ll never admit that so that’s why he’ll probably send her more photos, hoping that she’ll catch on 

desperate times require desperate measures, so he’ll ask only if he’s been away for a very long time or hasn’t seen her in a super long time

Y/n... I was just wondering whether that face cream you bought is any good? 

Umm... It’s literally the same cream I’ve been using for the last x months lol. It’s quite good, tho.

Can you send a picture of your face after you put it on? A teammate wants to buy his sister a present and asked me for advice...

or some lame-ass excuse like that, but it’s usually SO obvious that he wants her to send selfies that he’d say this kind of thing once a millenia

he’d be the kind to send dog/cat pictures all the freaking time, especially the couple ones 

he’d ask her if she ate every time he texts and then ask her what she had and then scold her if she didn’t eat properly 

Y/n!!! You won’t get any nutrients from instant ramen!!!!! Don’t listen to Nagisa!!!!! *angry face* * angry face* I will literally send you food for a week if you don’t start eating properly!!!!

Cute...

Jeez, it’s just common sense, nothing cute in that

he’d also send gym/pool pics sometimes just to subtly flex (quite literally)

you know what he also really likes?

you guessed 

s e x t i n g

this guy is a master of sexting 

probably because he’s one big ass tease and he gets all cocky with her 

and it usually goes from a spicy gym pic to another 

if it’s her initiative he’d get flustered for like 0.01 seconds and then proceed to go all smirk mode and play along instantly 

to be fair, considering the amount of time he spends training and in tournaments etc, he’s bound to do this more often, since he’s quite the passionate;) kind 

to be fair, i can quite imagine a random phone call during the night when he just gets too frustrated and doesn’t even have the patience to text 

Babe, were you up? Ah, sorry, but I just couldn’t get you out of my head, I wanted to hear your cute voice...

doesn’t that sound so fuckboy-ish? that’s the cue that he extra missed her if you know what i mean 

he’d really have a hard time expressing himself through texts tho 

because he gets to read them and he’d think everything a bit more serious is extra emotional and cringe once he sees it typed out, so he prefers calling 

so most of his texts would just be chill conversations and check-ups

or date plans 

he’s also the kind of guy that would text his gf regularly when she’s away somewhere (at a party or whatever) because he wants to make sure she’s alright and WILL stay up to pick her up and drive her home when he doesn’t have anything too big the next day

and even if he does, if her texts are shaky or something else happened he would not hesitate one moment to drive her back, whatever time it may be (because he’d left his phone notifications on so that he’d get woken up if he got a text from her)

im already rambling a lot but yes i feel like he’d have a short and simple style of texting, some memes, some emoji (esp angry faces lol), but it’s just this style so specific to him that would make the texts extra sweet because he puts in a lot of effort to convey things indirectly through them 

all in all he wouldn’t text all the time but certainly a few times a day and would reply asap when he’s not training or whatever

he’s just too cute :(( 

[hatsukeii]

Hi! Can I request a Hq matchup? I’m a 5’0 bisexual girl, Im Venezuelan and I speak three languages which are Spanish, English and French. I adore dancing, baking and writing. My personality is kinda shy at first but then I open up and end up being a completely crackhead especially at 2-3 am in the morning when I usually sneak out to eat ice cream. I also pay a lot of attention to studying and suffer anxiety because of it, because lf my anxiety, sometimes I eat too much and someone has to stop me

Yo this is my first matchup request I’m big happy rn tysmmm I’ve wanted to write one since forever🥺💕

Relatively shorter post, bc it’s a matchup oops-

Okay so after reading through it, I have decided that your haikyuu matchup is:

🌫Sugamama “We have ten children Daichi you can’t leave me” Koushi🌫

Okay I’m gonna be honest with you, reading this I had a few people in mind. I ultimately decided on Sugawara, but it was a hard choice lolol. After like 30 minutes of thinking and concluding, here are all the reasons why I match you up with him.

The first thing that really made my mind click was when you mentioned you’re a shy person, and that it takes a bit of time to open up to people. Knowing Sugawara, he’s an absolute sweetheart. He isn’t super open himself, unlike the more, uh, energetic members of the team (cough Nishinoya cough Hinata cough Tanaka.) He’s more mature, and mellow. He tends to analyse both situations and people very well, as shown from his matches where he works to strategise for the team. Upon meeting you, he could already read through you like a book just by observing your daily interactions with other people. How you tend to stay quiet in class, only answering questions if the teacher picked on you. The way you fiddle with your fingers while talking to groupmates you’re not close to. How you act like a different person around your best friends, where you’re the complete opposite from your usually bashful and shy self. By using that information, he was able to form a very good friendship with you, and eventually becoming closer to you.

Another thing that really stood out was how you stress eat a lot due to your anxiety caused by school and studies, and how you need someone to stop you in time. Sugawara is literally perfect for this job. This man has good grades, which means that he can definitely help you with studying, which can maybe take away some of the stress that comes with it. Plus, his notes are super organised, are colour coded, and filled with diagrams. In other words they’re even better than the textbooks issued by your school. You could probably only study his notes and ace your test with flying colours. In addition to that, he’d probably check up on you from time to time, especially when exams start to near. He learned of your stress eating when he saw you studying once with 7 whole cup noodles downed on your desk. He eventually understood more about the issue, and since then, he’s been constantly checking up on you, making sure you’re not eating your stress away. He would note down the times where he had to FaceTime you and check, and would offer to come over and study with you if you ever needed it.

I mean, judging by his personality, we all know he’s the mom friend. Like I imagine him bringing everyone food and treating them to lunch and stuff like that. You being able to bake? Perfect. He’d come over like every single week to bake cookies or cupcakes with you to bring to the team. He loves how focused you are on the ingredients in front of you when you’re cooking. He loves how this is the only time your hair is messily tied up, loose strands dangling in front of your face while you try not to spill the flour all over the counter. He’d be like your personal assisstant when you guys cook, helping you measure out ingredients, preheating the oven for you, lining baking trays etc. Every single time you guys bake, it ends up becoming a flour fight that ends up with the kitchen becoming a complete mess. At least the cookies are delicious. You guys make extra batches just so you can bring them to the team (who btw love the cookies to death, even Tsukishima, but he’d rather die than admit it.)

His catchphrases:

- “It’s 4am, please go to bed. We both need the rest.”

- “Is that enough cookies for the team?”

- “Hey, you’re stress eating again. Want me to come over?”

- “You’ll be okay, don’t worry about it too much. You got this.”

- “Your grades are great, don’t be scared. You did so well, I’m so proud.”

Other possible matchups:

Yamaguchi “Gucci” Tadashi

Kenma “I’m married to my console” Kozume

Akaashi “Bokuto would be dead if not for me” Keiji

Iwaizumi “Oikawa is a piece of shit” Hajime

Shirabu “I will get back at that piece of shit Karasuno middle blocker” Kenjiro

Awww what a good boyfriend, can I order one on amazon? Do they ship to Asia?

I hope you like it😣💕

[bixgirl1]

New Fic - Glompfest!

Title: Life Lessons Author: Bixgirl1 Pairing: Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy Rating: Heh. Explicit. Word Count: 68k Content/Warnings: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Wandless Magic, Banter and flirting and snark - oh myyy - UST!, accidental kissing, intentional kissing (just really a lot of kissing), Epistolary elements, Auror Harry, Humor, dancing, weird plotty stuff ‘cause I can’t help myself, mentions of childhood trauma and previously-made sexual threats, wanking, oral sex, anal fingering, anal sex, rimming (omfg I just realized I forgot that in my AO3 tags!), intergluteal sex, semi-public sex. Summary: On the cusp of a promotion, Harry needs a little help with his image. Enter Draco Malfoy — who doesn't really do that, Potter — to whip him into shape… and make him feel things he hasn't for a very long time. Featuring: odd jobs, surprising chemistry, lots of accidental kissing, the Prophet living up to type, owls exhausted by the carrying of dirty letters, a secret no one can talk about, a merry band of Slytherins (none of whom really approve), and an enchanted mirror (who really, really does).

Author’s Notes: For @m4g0rtz. I’ve wanted to write for you for the LONGEST time, sweets.  Your comments before we met always made me absolutely light up, and then I got to know you and I realized you’re just as fabulous as you seemed. Your friendship has meant so much to me from the beginning, and this fest gave me the perfect excuse to say so in fic; I hope you can forgive my sneakiness while I wrote this for you. lolol.

A huge thanks to my lovely betas, @lqtraintracks and @coriesocks. You guys were both so effing patient with me and both so encouraging and helpful - you made this like a zillion times better than it would have been otherwise. <333333

And a huge thanks to the mods, too, for running such a fun, wonderful fest!

Excerpt (under the cut):

It was one of the most fundamental truths of Harry’s life: as soon as things were going well, everything would turn to shit.

You’re a wizard, Harry — just be on guard for that murderer hunting you. You have a godfather, Harry — but be careful not to get too attached to him. From his relationship with Ginny (which never got back off the ground after the war) to his life after defeating Voldemort (which would never resemble anything approaching normal), there was always some sort of caveat. Privately, he called it “End of the School Year Syndrome.”

The fact that this time it had actually been scheduled for late June was simply ironic.

“That’s not even six weeks away,” Hermione said, frowning.

“Your confidence in me is inspirational,” Harry said. “And the maths isn't really what I’m having a problem with.” He took the invitation back from her and re-buried his face in one of the sofa pillows. It smelled a little like feet and Ron’s deodorant, as though Ron had Transfigured it into a footstool and then only had time to hastily return it to form and freshen it with a charm before Hermione saw and got on him again about just using one of their existing footstools. Harry tossed it to the floor, face smooshing against the sofa cushion as he blindly reached out in search of another pillow. He heard Hermione huff just as one hit him on the back of the head. Harry shoved it under his face. “Thanks,” he said, muffled.

There was a beat of silence, and then Hermione sighed and rested her hand against the back of his head. “How long do you need to sulk?” she asked, stroking her fingers through his hair.

Harry slumped a little deeper. “Five weeks.”

“I’ll give you until Ron gets back with dinner,” she said, more to herself than him. "And for goodness’ sake, Harry, at least take off your glasses.”

Harry managed to take them off without lifting his head or breaking them — proof, he supposed, that he wasn’t entirely incompetent. Hermione took them from his hand and rose with a final, fluttering pat on his shoulder blade. Harry exhaled and tried to consider his options, but was quickly lulled by the drum of the rain on the windowpanes and the pop of the fire. He listened to Hermione putter around her kitchen and relaxed; more than for the advice or commiseration, this was why he’d come, if he was honest. Ron and Hermione’s cottage was homey, calm, most of their furniture crafted from Ron’s magic, the air inside scented by the lavender Hermione had planted in the beds below their windows. Harry missed the company, and the lived-in quality of the tiny flat they’d shared before Ron and Hermione moved out, the distracted mess of three people training for unrelated careers, always someone either there or about to be.

He liked the flat he'd moved into on his own just fine, but working the hours he did left it with a silent, sterile quality he could never seem to get rid of, even when he left the wireless on or avoided laundry for a few days. He’d tried to spruce it up more than once, but Neville wouldn’t even let him buy plants anymore, not after the Solicitous Succulents he’d brought over on Boxing Day — When they bloom, they emit soothing pheromones! You can’t kill them, they barely need any attention! — had weaponised their thorns within an hour of Nev’s arrival; a defensive measure they took when they were in danger of drying out, Neville told him later, and one he’d thought was a myth.

The sound of Ron’s Apparition to their front door roused Harry from his reverie, but he didn’t get up. He heard the rustle of takeaway being opened and dished out, a low hum of murmurs, and his own name — and then Ron shouted, “What the bloody fuck?” and stomped, fuming, into the parlour. “They’re not going to give it to you?”

Harry pushed up from his prone position and shrugged as Ron glowered down at him. “They might,” he said. “Robards said they might still.”

“Give over,” Ron said, and Harry dutifully scooted to make space. Ron threw himself down onto the sofa. “It’s utter shit, Harry.”

“I know.”

“He’s been telling you that job’s yours for… for years!”

“I know.”

“You’ve worked longer hours and closed more cases than anyone in the entire department!” Ron said. His outrage was soothing, both to Harry’s temper and his self-esteem, and a grateful smile tugged at Harry’s lips.

“I know,” he said again.

"You should just run," Ron spat. "Hermione's been saying it, we'll organise a campaign--"

"We'd have no time to prepare for it now. Besides, even if I wanted to, it would look… wrong. Robards would step aside, but… He didn't even have to run in the last election five years ago, and and no one's ever won who wasn't backed by both the exiting Head Auror, the Minister, and at least half the Wizengamot," Harry said, shaking his head when Ron took another deep breath and opened his mouth. “And anyway, Robards said it's not as simple at that.”

“The age thing again?”

Harry scowled. “I wish.”

Twice before, Robards had put off retiring when certain members of the Wizengamot had made it plain that, no matter Harry’s accomplishments to date, they had no intention of promoting someone barely into their twenties to the position of Head Auror. Trying not to take issue with their reasoning — or the extra work Robards piled on him to make a point of his capabilities — Harry’d not made a single complaint as his twenty-third and twenty-fourth birthdays ticked by. But with every successfully closed case since, Robards had assured him that by his twenty-fifth he’d have his promotion.

And then he’d called Harry in for a meeting today, offering Harry a drink before he’d even sat down.

Ron made a disgruntled sound and folded his arms across his chest. “What’s the problem this time?”

“As I was trying to tell you, husband-mine,” Hermione said dryly, walking in and levitating three plates behind her, “It's supposedly Harry.”

“What's Harry?” Ron asked, shooting her a sheepish look. He lifted two of the plates from midair, passing one over to Harry. The salty grease of Ron’s selection — fish and chips — teased at Harry’s senses and he tried to recall when he ate last. Breakfast, probably.

“The problem,” Hermione said, taking her own plate and sitting between them. “It’s Harry.”

“And I’m supposed to be the tactless one,” Ron stage-whispered to him.

“I’m not a problem,” Harry said, pulling a wounded face at Hermione.

She made a little sound of protest. “I didn’t—”

“Arguing with her never ends well,” Ron said. “You might as well just get on board with being a problem, capital P.”

“I don’t want to be a Problem,” Harry said. He turned beseeching eyes at Hermione. “Couldn’t I be something like Trouble instead?”

Ron nodded sagely. “You’ve got enough experi—”

“Oh my god, fine!” Hermione said, dropping her utensils on her plate. Cheered by the clear exasperation on her face, Harry laughed and looked at Ron, who popped three chips in his mouth and quirked her an unrepentant grin. Hermione rolled her eyes and elbowed Ron, but the look she shot him was fond and warm. “Hush, or you’ll end up with your own problem — with a capital P,” she said warningly. She turned back to Harry. “There is a point to be considered about your image, that's not wrong.”

“Hermione!” Ron said, but Hermione looked at Harry steadily, waiting. Expectant.

Harry frowned, effectively distracted from distracting himself. He squeezed a lemon wedge over his fish and opened a packet of vinegar, sprinkling it over his chips to buy some time.

“Well, it's not right,” he said at length.

“No, I know,” Hermione said, gaze softening.

“All right, can someone actually explain then?” Ron asked, waving his fork at each of them in turn and then stabbing, a little viciously, into his fish.

“It’s me. My conduct outside of work isn’t ‘befitting a senior Ministry position,’” he quoted, sounding sullen to his own ears. “The way I talk to the press, or the way I avoid them. Maybe both. The Head Auror is responsible for releasing public statements, and you know me.”

“So?” Ron said, brows drawing together. “You’re a little short-tempered with them, so what? S’not like they’re ever asking you about cases, are they? It’s always about who you’re seeing, or was that really your bum in those pictures. It’s been almost three years since you hexed one of them. Just write up the statements and release them that way.”

“There’s other things, too,” Harry said. He flushed. “The way I am with the public—”

“You’re great with the public!” Ron said, starting to look angry again. “You talk to every kid you meet, you donate, you—”

“I lose my temper with people, though.” Harry took a breath. “I arrested that man last year who wouldn’t leave me alone—”

“He was trying to shove his hand down the back of your trousers!” Ron sputtered.

“—and that whole thing in the Prophet questioning how much of an asset I could be to the Ministry when my name got in the way of my job… Well, it got a lot of traction,” Harry said. He looked down at his plate, stomach suddenly churning. “And whenever I go to public events, I stay on the sidelines, or I’m accidentally rude to some diplomat—”

“That happened twice!”

“Four times.” Harry grimaced. “More, really. Apart from little things like spilling wine all over Ireland’s Minister for Magic or insulting that envoy from Brazil by having to leave early when I got sick off the Firerolls they served at their event, apparently my dress robes are all wrong, I’ve not once used the correct fork, I may as well eat my feet for how often they’re in my mouth, and I refuse to dance, no matter who’s asking.”

“Well you’re not good at it!” Ron fairly yelled, getting so red in the face his freckles were barely visible. “How the bloody hell can anyone blame you after what happened last time!”

Read the rest on AO3

[suga-kookiemonster]

Lolol where did this height convo come from? A recent interview? Also, again I want to do that experient where I stand next to bts where we are all barefoot so I can compare my 180 cm self to them lolol for science. Tho I saw that one parasite actor was quite a bit taller than tae and google says the actor is 181 cm lol so many mysteries. Can't they measure their heights in a run ep like they did with Jin's shoulders?

the convo came from me loving the big™ bangtanies and really feeling it in my spirit and my p*ssy when they look extra big. i talk about it all the time 😂😂😂😂i’m lucky in that i’m just as tall as halsey so i can just look at pictures and and feel content in the knowledge of about how much i’d have to look up to look each of them in the eyes

[electric-wafflez]

Mysme Parents AU!

I love the idea of the mm gang being parents. So these headcanons came about and I hope you all enjoy!

Yoosung

He would love to start a family with you! His parents would probably push him to have a large family, so he would probably want four kids.

You would have 3 boys, and the youngest would be a girl!

At first, Yoosung was a total mess. You two would have to take parenting classes for your first child, yet even with the classes - he struggled to change diapers and figure out why they were crying.

After your first kid, he is a pro. He would help you when you do not want to get up during the middle of the night, help take them to school or practices, and cook them meals.

Very understanding with some of their more outlandish hobbies. He can relate to them because of his obsession with LOLOL as a student.

He is the best at helping out with their school projects and will stay up with them to make sure they get it completed on time.

Super fun dad, would show his love in the form of movie nights with the entire family or playing different card games.

Zen

Once you two have gained his family’s approval, he would be ecstatic to start one of his own with you.

You would have 2 girls and 1 boy!

A natural at being a father, he is a very quick learner and picks up on all the necessary tasks he needs to do very fast.

Zen would want his kids to be engaged in sports or other activities to promote fitness in your children.

He would lowkey want them to be engaged in the performing arts so he could relate to his kids more, but would never force it upon them.

Although he has never been very good at homework or studies, he makes up for it in that he is very supportive and gives meaningful advice.

He learned from his negative experience with his own family that he needs to let his children discover who they want to be and approve of them with love.

Jaehee

Jaehee always wanted to raise a child with someone she loved. When you brought up adoption she was overjoyed.

You would adopt a darling boy!

She would have read many articles to prepare for adoption and parenting, as well as take a class or two with you.

Extremely good at scheduling. She has schedules for everything ever since they were a baby.

You two would have a scrapbook filled with memories that you would update yearly with photos and items about your family.

Would show her child how to do Judo!

She is very good at teaching if there is something your child does not understand in school, Jaehee can look at it and explain it better than the teacher.

Overall she is a great mother and cares so much about you and your child.

Jumin

Jumin seemed very excited about your pregnancy, yet deep down he was hesitant about becoming a father. He was nervous him and his child wouldn’t connect due to all the comments about him being emotionless.

You would talk to him about how much he changed you for the better because of him being a great husband - and how that wouldn’t be possible if he did not have emotions. He would then be thrilled wholeheartedly.

You would have 1 boy and 1 girl!

He wouldn’t know what to do at first considering he had most of the stuff done for him in his life, but he would do his best and pick up on it.

If parenting was hard on you, he would take more responsibility or hire someone to help you.

Would never miss any of your children's events, and would always take time out of his schedule for his family.

He would be strict because he cared a lot, but he would never push them to follow a certain path in life. He just wants them to be successful and happy.

Saeyoung

When you announced you were pregnant, the only thing he could feel was anxiety. He was never mad and realized it was inevitable - he was so scared though. He was scared that he would be similar to his own parents, he was scared of the agency, and Saeyoung would never want your child or you to experience that.

He probably wouldn’t get over the anxiety until you have had the child and your life has been secure for some time.

You would have a girl!

As soon as he sets his eyes on her, he wants to protect her from any evil in the world and would go great lengths to make sure she is safe.

Eventually, you two would also adopt a boy! Saeyoung would be drawn to this option because of his past and you agreed entirely.

He loves his children so much, you would constantly find him playing with them and building them toys. Saeyoung would encourage creative thinking and behavior from a very young age.

Once they get older, he would be amazing at helping with complicated math problems.

DAD JOKES.

When he becomes aware that everything will be okay, he is the most grateful father and would continually feel blessed every time he looked at you and his children.

Jihyun

Once he recovered from his past, Jihyun would be an excellent father and so excited about your pregnancy.

You would have 2 beautiful girls!

He already knows how to deal with children to keep them from crying abundantly due to him dealing with baby portraits. When he walks in the room his peaceful and tender outlook seems to make your kids relax.

Jihyun from his own experience realized the negative effects of pushing certain career paths on children are unhealthy and he would always engage in the things your kids were interested in.

This wouldn’t stop him however from teaching them how to paint and photograph. He wouldn’t mention it as a career to them unless they were interested, but he would want his children to have some sort of expressive outlet.

Loves to take them hiking! He wants his children to recognize the beauty of nature and this is an easy and fun way to introduce them to all the gorgeous things the earth has to offer.

When talking he is so soft-spoken, but take this man to one of their school events he is the proudest and most excited parent. He just loves them so much.

Saeran

His heart dropped. He is arguably the most overwhelmed and anxious out of everyone about becoming a father. Saeran is horrified of what his parents did to him and his brother, afraid of what his other caregiver Rika did to him, and this turns into anxiety about himself - will he damage his own children with all of his scars?

You have to talk to him about how he is not his parent or Rika or anyone else. Explaining you tell him his past does not define the man he is today, and how you love having him in your life - despite his “flaws”.

Saeran still has a level of anxiety but it is definitely lessened because of you.

He takes every parenting class with you. Saeran did not have a normal childhood and wants to give his child everything he could never have.

You would have twin girls!

He was so delicate with them, he treats them as if they are made of glass and could break at any second.

At first, he was somewhat awkward and would not really know how to deal but he was very supportive of you. After about a month he managed a lot better.

All of you gardening as a family together on weekends!

Often would tear up often thinking about how good his life is now with you and your children in it. He was just so thankful.

Vanderwood

He is the most rational about your pregnancy. Although he had a slight anxiety about the agency, he knew he took all the extra measures to keep you and him safe - so he was not extremely worried.

He would want only one child, but he would end up with 2 boys and a girl.

Vanderwood is lowkey great with children, he knows how to help you with everything - although this doesn’t stop him from complaining and getting embarrassed if you mention it to him.

The strictest father. He will not waver when he sets down rules and would expect his children to follow them.

This especially applies when it comes to chores. He sets certain chores for each child, although the chores are not extreme he does want them to appreciate cleanliness.

He is also very loving but definitely shows it more in his actions rather than constantly telling his children.

Also definitely reads Iron Man comics with his kids. Any movie night is most likely a superhero movie. (I will never be over Stark)

Would desperately try to lead his children toward a better path than his own. He knows what the world is like and wouldn’t want his children to be intermingled with all the negativity he has had to deal with.

Always feel free to request! Follow me for more!

[kjmsupremacist]

Aah thank you for the recipe, I'm excited to try it out^-^ Question: Do I have to fry the meat at some point for the broth or do I just boil it in water? =0 And dw about not using measurements, since you guys use cups and stuff I wouldn't have known how much to put in anyway 👀 .. also I didn't really understand the last hashtag I'm sorry TT Thanks again 💕🥢

ofc ofc !! and no u don't! since you're boiling it for so long, it'll cook just fine. some people like to roast their ingredients first, which takes out the first step of boiling and dumping, but I find that it doesn't really improve the flavor and it's an extra hassle for no reason so meh.

and i thought u mentioned in your last ask that you like signing w just the chopsticks emoji lol so i was just saying do it bc obv im gonna know its u, and that way you're only using one character since asks have a character limit? or maybe i misunderstood u lolol

[hot-mysticc-mess-blog]

Hi! I have a requests ;D something like this happened to me a couple days ago which made me think of this. How would the RFA + minor trio react to a nasty rumor going around about MC and she's really upset? And maybe how they help clear up the rumor or comfort her? I hope that's not too much, thank you!! ❤️❤️

Of course, sorry to hear about the rumors though :(

  I hope you enjoy it, I had a lot of fun writing it! 

RFA + Minor Trio React to MC upset about a nasty rumor about her

Masterlist

Jumin

Nasty rumors are par for the course with Jumin Han

He is rich, young, talented, handsome, and started media training when he was still in diapers. Jumin does not even look at the articles about him anymore unless someone posts a screenshot in the chatroom, nor let anything people say get to him.

But he notices when something is off with your texts

Comes home early when his ‘Is something on your mind, MC?’ text goes unanswered for two hours.

You had no outings planned today, and a quick call to the head of security from Jaehee confirmed you were still at home. Why wouldn’t you answer his text? Had he done something wrong?

Wanders around the house calling your name only to find you upset in the bedroom

Briefly angry with his staff. How long had you been like this? Why hadn’t they let him know?

Sits beside you and holds your hand. He is still new to showing intimacy and emotion, and while you are the person he knows how to comfort best that’s not exactly saying much, but hand holding is easy and safe.

“Don’t cry.” He means it affectionately, but it comes out in his usual monotone and sounding more like a command “I can’t help you if I don’t know what you’re saying.”

Once you calm down enough to explain he listens carefully to all the details you give him before responding

“Would you like me to hire you a PR team?”

The long silence and perplexed look on your face only seems to confuse him more.

“We can’t sue them, but a PR team could help hone your public image. I’m told there would still be some ‘internet trolls’, but good public relations management might help the world see you as the wonderful woman you are. I would, of course, hire the best team available.

You refuse the PR team, but a suspiciously timed fluff piece about you appears on the news the next day

Yoosung

He tried to be a responsible adult and run some errands

Clearly that was a mistake (same Yoosung, same)

Comes home to find you crying on the couch and panics thinking that either he has done something or something horrendously tragic has happened

Did someone die? Worse…did he forget your anniversary?

Sets down his bags in the doorway so he can come sit next to you

Pulls you into a frantic hug “MC are you okay? What happened? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

The real struggle is trying to time your explanation between his worrying and your still-hiccupping breath

When you manage to tell him, he immediately exclaims something along the lines of “But that’s not true!” He is a pure boy

Showers you with poorly-worded compliments until you’re laughing and he’s too flustered to continue

Yoosung might not be able to do much about the people who started the rumor, but he knows someone who can

Offers Seven’s assistance, and promises he’ll always stand up for you

Jaehee

Jaehee knows all of your tells

She can tell when you’re upset well before you reach the point of tears

Spends lots of extra time doting on you, giving you the opportunity to share your concerns

It is not until dinner time when her promise to make your favorite meal is received with a fake smile that she becomes truly concerned

Jaehee double checks the chat room to see if maybe you or someone else had said anything there

All she can find is Yoosung babbling about LOLOL

After dinner, Jaehee wraps you up in a blanket, brings you tea and the two of you sit on the couch while she rests her head on your shoulder

The Zen DVD is already loaded, but she leaves it on the main menu screen, playing soft intro music

Jaehee waits patiently until you tell her what’s wrong

Genuinely surprised to hear about the rumors

She spent every day with you, how did she not hear about this? Who would even think about saying something like that? You are the sweetest person she has ever met, not to mention all the two of you do is run a mildly-successful coffee shop. What would anyone have to gain from this?

Puts aside her questions in favor of taking care of you, though

She had a rough time with her aunt, and has dealt with a few women who thought she was more than just Jumin’s assistant, not to mention the criticisms she received from the man himself while on the job

Her specialty is not letting the things people say get to her

“It’s just baseless gossip, MC. The only thing it can really hurt is your feelings, and that’s only if you let them. The people who said those things about you only said them because they have nothing better to do than try to tear you down. Please don’t feel sad over people who are so far beneath you.”

Zen

Your relationship remains low profile for the sake of Zen’s career, but it still exposes you to a lot more media attention

Zen had a lot of rumors and scandals about him, usually from click bait sites trying to get views

Most of them were laughable, and most of the rest were ignorable, but scandals could be a real problem if they ended up big enough or on the right outlets

What if this rumor got him in trouble?

When Zen comes home and finds you upset you suddenly find yourself sitting in his lap with your head on his chest

“Babe, what’s wrong?”

Borderline obnoxiously affectionate if you do not want to talk about it, wraps himself around you and places soft kisses everywhere he can reach until you give in

“Baaaaabe?”

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right Princess?”

While you tell him about the rumors, he is ever the performer, eyes widening at just the right reveals, kisses to your temples when you get particularly distraught, and finished with a dramatic scoff at the end.

“People can be idiots, but this is getting out of hand. How stupid does someone have to be to think that about you!?”

Insists you do an interview with the press and dispel the rumor, contract be damned.

“It’s one thing for there to be rumors about me, but I want the world to see you the way I do: as the most beautiful woman inside and out.”

Saeyoung/707

He is knee deep in building a new toy prototype in his workroom and has been for most of the day

Very excited to show it to you, because you always find his endo-skeletons adorable, even when everyone else is deeply disturbed

Then he hears a familiar high-pitched voice

“I turn on when I sense depression!”

The little jingle and mechanical whirring tells him Meowy’s dance program must have started

Was Saeran having a bad day?

No, wait…Saeran went out today with Yoosung. You had made a huge deal about it and packed them both lunches

“MC…?” He leaves his work room to come to the bedroom, presenting the still-dancing Meowy on the flats of his palms to you for you to silence

“Meowy goes to sleep now!” He puts the robot on the bedside table and flops onto the bed with you

“Should we pray to God7 for salvation?” When his joking doesn’t work, he snuggles up to you, gently nudging you until you move into the position he wants so he can press his forehead to yours and look into your eyes.

“If I could, I would hack your brain. But I can’t, so I need you to talk to me. What’s wrong, MC?”

You explain about the rumors while he strokes your hair soothingly with one hand.

“Oh, is that all? Show me who said it and I’ll make sure their computers never work again.” There is a sadistic grin on his face that makes you doubt the ethics of following his instructions

People say nothing is ever deleted from the internet, but Saeyoung makes sure every trace of any mean thing about you is gone. Then, he hacks the perpetrators social media accounts, posting a carefully curated selection of their most humiliating photos and leaving them locked out of their accounts.

Anything they said about you will be long-forgotten over new, lower hanging fruit

And, of course, he sends the computer-wrecking viruses he promised you earlier. Just for good measure.

V/Jihyun

“Honey, I’m home!” He calls out, because it always makes you smile

But you seem more shocked than pleasantly surprised to see him

He can see the puffiness in your eyes, and the redness at the outer corners from rubbing the tears away

He can hear your breath catch every few rounds, threatening a sob

Something happened.

Closes the distance between the two of you so he can wrap his arms around you

After a moment for you to adjust, he presses a gentle hand to your cheek and guides you to look him in the eyes

He is endlessly loving, voice nearing a coo as he asks “what happened, my love?”

he cradles you to his chest so you can hear his heart beat while he rubs soothing circles into your back

Of all of them, he is the most patient, willing to wait as long as you need before you talk even if that means coming back to it another day

You tell him about the rumors and, more importantly, how much they hurt you

“I’m sorry,” he says. Old habits die hard, and even now it still sounds like an apology rather than an expression of sympathy.

“I hope you know they’re wrong, MC, and everyone who truly matters in your life will know that, too. You are the kindest, brightest woman I have ever met. These rumors will pass.”

If the rumor goes beyond a small-scale, he will ask Jumin to help handle it

Saeran

Saeran comes out of the shower to find you curled up in a ball

He has no idea how to comfort people, so he just mimics what you and Saeyoung do for him

“MC?” He is super nervous and awkward about sitting next to you and trying to give you a hug

Pairs it with uncomfortable hair petting. It ends up being more like a toddler petting a cat than stroking a lover’s hair, but the sentiment is nice

Once the two of you find a comfortable position, he’ll just sit with you quietly until you’re ready to talk

But he won’t let you leave until you tell him your problem

Once you explain about the rumors he. Is. Livid.

He grew up in an abusive household

His mother hurled insults at him every day for most of his life, regardless of whether or not they were true or accurate

Saeran is sure he deserved every bad thing anyone has said about him, but you don’t

He also knows exactly how much it can hurt

You are the kindest person he has ever met, which he grumbles at you angrily to try and make you feel better

Brings you your hot drink of choice, because Saeyoung told him ice cream does not comfort everyone the same way it comforts the two of them

Listens carefully while you tell him what’s wrong

If you do not volunteer the information, he’ll ask casually about details and names

He doesn’t mean to be manipulative with you, but until recently it is the only tactic he has known

Plus, he knows you aren’t nearly as vengeful as he is and plans to destroy them whether you like it or not

Opts to not actually destroy their lives in the end, a testament to how much he loves you

Instead he ends up taking you out for ice cream (“that’s bullshit. Ice cream makes everything better, Saeyoung.”) with money stolen from the perpetrators’ bank account(s)

Vanderwood

He is not the kind of guy who jumps head first into conversations about your feelings

So yeah, he notices when you start feeling down, but he doesn’t bring it up for a while in hopes you will tell him yourself

Instead he bides his time by putting his arm around you while the two of you read together on the couch

He gives in and asks after he watches you read the same sentence three times in a row

“Why are you sighing like that?” You didn’t sigh, but if you point that out he’s going to insist that you did.

You tell him about the rumors, and while you talked he has managed to slowly pull you in closer and closer to him until you’re basically in his lap with him nuzzled in your hair

“That’s a stupid thing to get upset over,” he says gruffly, cutting you off as soon as he gets the details he needs. If he lets you go on for too long you’ll just work yourself up and that won’t help anybody.

“People are going to say whatever they think will get them what they want, regardless of if it’s true or not. Most of my job is telling people lies they want to hear and picking my enemies carefully. The idiots who started those rumors about you, they want to see you upset, think it’ll earn them something. You moping like this is only letting them win. If you want to beat them at their own game, all you have to do is keep living like you were before. Got it?”

If you still seem unhappy later though, he might ask Seven for a favor

[dulcidyne]

The Hazards of Inviting Wizards

SFW. Mystic Messenger. RFA+Saeran+V. Halloween AU. Chapter 1/? Summary:The RFA’s Halloween costume party turns into a night of mayhem after Seven offends a wizard. 

If you ask Seven’s opinion, the wizard is a grave disappointment.

Not that you did. Asking Seven for his take on the guests isn’t high on your list of party priorities. Things that are high on your list? Triple checking the canapes, ’Are you absolutely certain there is no garlic? I have a guest with an extreme allergy-- ’, procuring another functional XLR cable for one of the news crews, and scrounging up antihistamines for Zen after it’s revealed that Seven’s Elly costume has bits of real cat hair (cruelty-free according to Seven, which does absolutely nothing to placate Jumin’s cold indignation).  

But you suspect Seven doesn’t care much about your list...mostly because when he finds you in the kitchens, sampling the canapes on their massive silver platters, he tells you as much.

“Ms. Coordinator!” He sighs as if there is nothing that could be done with you and your newfound obsession with salmon pâté and roasted artichokes.  “Please take a moment and think about something important--what kind of a wizard walks around without a staff?”

Frazzled, you do your best not to brace your hands on his shoulders and shake until his little cat whiskers fell off. “Seven...”

“Gondolf, Marlin--”

There’s no use. He’s impossible to ignore. “What about Larry Patter?” you point out.

“A wand is just a portable staff...” He pauses and peers over at the trays. “So you didn’t use anything from my book after all?”

You're still trying to figure out how he got his recipe book, ‘Honey Buddah Chips: 100+ easy and delicious recipes to comfort, restore and put a smile on your face’ on all the big bestseller lists but you get the impression that once you start wondering exactly how he manages to do the impossible things he does, you won’t be able to stop.

“You can take it up with Jaehee. I didn’t have any control over the menu.”

Honestly, you would take Honey Buddah Chip encrusted scallops in a Ph.D. Pepper reduction over salmon pâté in a heartbeat. If only just because then you'd be absolutely sure you're not consigning a guest to anaphylactic shock.

While you consider this, the brim of your black hat dips forward, the whole thing threatening to topple yet again. Catching it with one hand, you ask, “Have you seen Yoosung? He was going to lend me a bobby pin.”

Seven tilts his head and narrows his eyes as if thinking very hard. You don’t buy it for a second, his bitten down lip is a held-back grin just waiting to burst through his faux bewilderment.

“Yoosung? I don’t know who you could mean--unless you’re talking about LOLOL’s legendary hammer-wielding warrior--”

This time you do reach out and shake him. Just once. His fuzzy white cat ears slip forward against his unruly red hair. “You’re one sentence away from spending the rest of the party washing salmon pâté off your fur,” you threaten but your menace is undermined by the continued wardrobe malfunction that is your hat. Hats. Always a mistake.

The grin slips free, crooked at the corner. “Miss Witch, are you offering to feed me by hand?”

You blush furiously at his tone and your hands can’t release him fast enough.

Seven leans forward and pushes back the brim of your hat, his eyes sparkling as they track towards the kitchen door behind you. “Are you trying to steal my affection from my cat mom? Careful--he’s the jealous type”

“I--”

“Ms. Coordinator...” Jumin halts at the open door, noticing Seven. Hmm, the kitchen never struck you as chilly until now. You half wonder if it's possible to use Jumin’s disdain to keep the ice sculptures from prematurely melting.

“Cover your neck!” Seven whispers and you take the opportunity to escape a lifetime in prison for the very justifiable throttling of one redhead in a cat costume by saying, “Jumin! Could you help me find Jaehee? I need to see if she managed to get our extra music stands.”

For a man in a cape and prosthetic fangs, Jumin is just too damn composed. For all you know, he’d just wandered out of a board meeting about possible revenue streams for coffin supply acquisitions. He considers your poor excuse for escape with a measured arch of his eyebrows. “I have trouble seeing what extra aid I could provide this effort…”

Jumin’s expressions are subtle, rapid affairs. Blink and you’ll miss them. He doesn’t smile at you so much as relax the tension around his mouth in a way that makes it seem as if he’s considering the possibility of smiling. It is more endearing than it deserves to be, a smile hidden away like a secret begging to be found.

“...but I’ll do my best.”

In your rush to flee, you press your hand to Jumin’s elbow and practically shove him out the door into the banquet hall. Jumin, checking boxes in both ‘intimidatingly tall’ and ‘broad-shouldered’ categories, isn’t normally a person you’d be able to just shove around but the fact that he’s stock still against your palm probably has something to do with how you’d managed it.

Seven, wisely opting not to nettle more than he already has, doesn’t follow and stays behind in the kitchens. It is entirely likely that he just has a plan to ‘improve’ the canapes the second your back is turned. If so, you're beyond caring if a platter full of tapenade topped artfully with Honey Buddah chips makes it to the banquet hall. The rest of your list isn’t going to take care of itself.

As soon as you're out of earshot, you begin thanking Jumin for the rescue but falter before you can get the second syllable out. He is staring at his elbow. More specifically, at your hand still pressing against his elbow.

Panic curls around your ribcage and squeezes down, hard and fast. The rest of your thanks leaves your lips in one rapid exhale and you clamp your mouth shut a second too late, emitting solitary squeak that sounds, to your intense mortification, like a mangled chew toy.

It is an overreaction, freezing in place and squeaking. Jumin isn’t some Joseon Dynasty prince who will put you to death for deigning to put your grubby peasant mitts on his dignified personage...despite the impression he gives off indicating otherwise.

“Found you!” Despite his bulky costume armor, Yoosung practically bounds up, a shiny bit of metal catching light between his fingers. Beaming, oblivious, he shatters the tension by holding it out to you. You remove your affronting hand from Jumin’s dark sleeve and take the gift, offering a thousand silent thanks to him in the process.

“My hero!”

He flushes, reaching back to scratch the back of his neck and jostling the massive prop hammer nestled awkwardly in the crook of his arm in the process. Top-heavy, the head falls back over his shoulder while the handle swings out an arc that would have neatly collided with your chin if not for the hand that swats it away at the last second.

“Woah, watch it...are you alright?”

The back of a silver-furred hand brushes against your chin.

“Judging from the material, it’s not probable that it could have caused significant injury.” Jumin Han, ever the voice of pragmatism.

You nod, both to Zen’s question and Jumin’s statement of fact.

All Zen’s gallantry drops away in a huff, replaced by irritation that he directs towards Jumin. His costume’s wolf ears are so realistic, you half expect them to bristle up with anger and match his expression. “Not probable--hey, prop weapons can still hurt. If you don’t believe me, I can try hitting your face with that hammer and see if it causes ‘significant injury’.”

Jumin weighs this suggestion with a level of gravity that might be expected from a situation involving actual hammers. “I accept your challenge on the condition that I am provided with a prop weapon as well.”

“Wai--wait a minute!” Yoosung interjects, “This is a limited edition replica--”

“I wasn’t challenging you to duel! I was just saying you should be more considerate when someone gets hurt.”

“I wasn’t hurt,” you remind.

“Almost hurt.”

You miss whatever Jumin says next, finally spotting the approaching white ruffle of Jaehee’s apron through the multicolored press of costumed guests. She skirts around a skeleton, movements precise and clipped as tendrils of grey fog curl up around her ankles.

“I took care of the music stand issue and found a spare XLR cable.”

Of course, she did. She is a paragon of efficiency. All you’d managed to do was harass the servers and unleash Seven’s dubious culinary skills on the unguarded trays.

“Oh, and--” She procures two tablets from the pocket of her ruffled white apron and with a faint blush, offers them to Zen. “These are for you.”

You make another despairing note of your comparative usefulness. Jaehee makes all of this look so easy. You bet she would’ve accomplished more without your attempts to help. At least then the canapes would be chip-free and Zen and Jumin wouldn’t already be itching to fight--literally. Whatever Jumin is paying her, it isn’t nearly enough.

“Jaehee, are you Alice in Wonderland again? Wasn’t that your costume last year?” Zen asks.

“Oh--no, I’m Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz.” She nods down to her sensible heels covered in not-so-sensible red sequins. “I didn’t have time to buy a new costume and I thought they were similar enough.” “Is V here yet?” You begin to ask only to trail off the moment you spot a server walking past, carrying a silver tray and what look to be small glass cups containing a single chip and a sprig of parsley garnish. Seven. Fists clenching into your skirt, you scan the room, finally catching a glimpse of him standing by an artful drape of glittering black chiffon and silvered cobweb, speaking with a strangely dressed man with pale blue hair.

It is the last thing you see before the banquet hall explodes in a burst of lavender smoke.