#just finished dysthymia lol

[alexhatessupermarketcola]

When the angst is so good, you don't just feel it in your wrists you feel it in the soles of your feet 🍿🍿🍿

[tinamaetales]

Fine, not fine

When the pandemic broke out in 2020, I was left with nothing to do. Our WFH arrangement during those times is not something I consider as a heavy workload so most of the time I just find myself alone with my own thoughts – which is one of the scariest scenarios for me. To kill time and distract myself from my own self-destructive thoughts, I decided to watch documentaries on Youtube but there really isn’t enough for me so despite not having a huge salary, I decided to subscribe to Netflix and from then on, I was able to watch a lot of movies, series and documentaries. I really wanna write a reflection on each of the stuff I’ve watched but I’m too lazy these days (and yet, here I am writing one).

As I mentioned, I watched a lot of stuff on Netflix but the last three that I’ve watched lately (before I start being invested with American Horror Story series), Angel’s Last Mission: Love, The Good Place, and Mystic Pop-up Bar tend to have a common theme – life, death, afterlife. I didn’t even do it on purpose; I was just really interested in the plot of their stories. What these 3 shows have in common is that they discuss about the morality and consequences and these days, I’m really interested in those topics. Lately, I’ve been questioning myself about what kind of person I am – am I good or bad? I also keep on having an internal debate with myself as to whether or not there is an afterlife and if there is, then where will I end up? Heaven or hell? Those questions are kinda giving me some headache these days but at least it’s a good distraction from my own self-destructive thoughts. Somehow, Philosophy seems interesting to me now (during my College years, I dreaded that subject but still managed to get a 1.25 final grade lol). Anyway, here are my thoughts about the shows:

Angel’s Last Mission: Love

Major lesson: Keep the faith

This kdrama has such a beautiful way of presenting its story that you will fall in love with it in just the first episode! (Also because Kim Myung Soo’s dimples are to die for, omg I’m so in love) Anyway, this drama’s plot is interesting: an angel who disobeyed the law (he’s not allowed to meddle with the lives of humans especially since he’s a guardian angel for animals) on his last day was given the most difficult mission – to make the fallen ballerina know what love is. As I am writing this, I can’t help but feel emotional because the show knows how to attack one’s heart. I will not be telling more of its plot for I might end up spoiling it so I’ll just provide my major take away from this kdrama. (This is one of those kdramas that I can watch again and again coz it’s beautiful)

I was raised in Catholic faith, which is really not a surprise for a Filipino like me since this country is heavily influenced by the Catholic Church, but ever since I’ve become an adult and finally opened my eyes and allow myself to stop living under the notorious gaslighting of people around me, I struggled with my faith in God. It’s really difficult living a traumatized life. In 2018, I seek for professional help and was diagnosed with Dysthymia and Social Anxiety Disorder. And despite therapy and medication, I have not yet healed and sometimes feel like my situation is getting worse. As such, I felt so alone in my struggles which became the reason why I relate to Yeon Seo’s character. People labeled her as a cold bitch and most of them are expecting her to just move on and heal without fully understanding where she is coming from. When Yeon Seo said “Do you know what it feels like to be left behind? It feels like I’m abandoned alone in an endless desert” it hit close to home. I know that one’s pain should not be an excuse for acting up and being mean but people should also understand that healing is different for all of us – we heal at our own pace at our own time. Pain can change a person – I know it fully well for I’ve become a completely different person because of all the pain I’ve been through. But what this show taught me is that God is a merciful God and He will not let us be drown into the abyss of darkness…..somehow, He will make a way to get us back on track and sometimes it’s in ways we never imagined it to be. Like how they sent angel Kim Dan into Yeon Seo’s life, God will also be sending us the answer to our prayers for He loves us and He is the only one who will never give up on us – even though we gave up on ourselves.

The Good Place

Major lesson: There is hope for humanity

I’ve been obsessed with sitcoms since 2019 (if I remember the year correctly) for they’re easy to watch and just fun but I never expected that a sitcom will make me become philosophical and somehow question my own morality: am I a good person?

For a show with only four seasons and fifty-three episodes, The Good Place sets the bar high for a sitcom.  It did not drag its plotline but is able to tell the entire story in a way that leaves the viewers satisfied with it. The Good Place is a story *SPOILER ALERT* that revolves around the afterlife lives of the four main characters: Eleanor, Chidi, Tahani, and Jason who all end up in the “good place” because they earned enough points on Earth but there’s a catch, two of them are not actually meant to be in the good place. Eleanor and Jason both mistakenly went to the good place because they died at almost the same time as someone with the same name as them but the other two actually deserved to be in the good place. The dilemma started when Eleanor admitted the truth to Chidi, a Philosophy professor who specialized in Ethics for he is torn between helping them or snitching on them. But perhaps the biggest plot twist of all, *SERIOUSLY STOP READING IF YOU DON’T WANT ANY MORE SPOILERS* they are not really in the good place. All four of them are in the Bad Place disguised as the good place and they were specifically chosen to torture each other, just like what Jean Paul Sartre said, “Hell is other people” Now this gets interesting because while none of these four people have committed heinous crimes which can then make them deserving of a spot in the bad place, the actions they’ve done during their lifetime on earth has bearing. At first I find it surprising how Chidi and Tahani end up in the bad place considering that Chidi spent his life in the pursuit of goodness and Tahani is a philanthropist who raised millions of dollars for charities. But then, as the show progressed, I understood. Chidi’s vast knowledge of morality made him become an indecisive person which led towards the suffering of others. Chidi made other people suffer because he finds it difficult to make a choice. On Tahani’s part, she raised millions of dollars to help improve the lives of others but such is a self-serving interest – she did not do those things because she wanted to help but because she wants to make herself look good. On Eleanor’s part, while she did not commit serious crimes, she was a big ass jerk towards others during her time on earth. With Jason, although he is kind, his actions often lead to disasters and although unintentional, harm towards others. With these in mind, I guess it’s safe to say that humans are doomed for the things we do are most of the time self-serving. It’s hard to make it to the Good Place because in one way or another, we do some things that affect others in a negative way. But what this show also taught me is that while it’s true that hell is other people……humans have a chance to improve and be better when given the proper environment as well as when they help each other out. Just like what Michael said “The point is, people improve when they get external love and support. How can we hold it against them when they don’t?”

At first, this show kind of made me realized that I’ve been a bad person….that most of the decisions I’ve made in life are self-serving….I only do things that benefit me and I could not care less about other people but my biggest realization here is that, I acted this way because my unhealed pain and trauma is manifesting itself. I have been hurt way too much that it made me become a bad person and end up with the mantra that life is shitty anyway so why try to be good? And because of that, I felt bad. Now, I try my best to do good things, not because I want to feel good for myself but because it’s the right thing to do. I have come to the realization that just because I was hurt does not mean I have the right to inflict pain on others. I know that morality is not something that can easily be answered since it’s such a complex thing and humans are flawed but as what Michael said (he has a lot of great lines from the show, I can’t help but to keep on quoting him) “What matters isn’t if people are good or bad. What matters is, if they’re trying to be better today than they were yesterday. You asked me where my hope comes from? That’s my answer.” Please, please, please watch The Good Place! I guess it’s one of the best, if not the best, sitcoms ever.

Mystic Pop-up Bar

Major lesson: Grudges are the heaviest to carry/ the art of letting go

One word to describe this k-drama? HEARTWARMING. With only 12 episodes, this k-drama was able to provide me comfort and healing. I did not actually expect much from this as I only watched it because of Yook Sungjae but what I failed to realize is that this kdrama’s approach to storytelling will be heartwarming. The plot is pretty simple for a fantasy drama: a woman, Weol-ju, runs a pop-up bar in order to fulfill her mission of settling the grudges of 100,000 people but as the years went by, it became difficult for her to have people to open up. When people fail to open up about the grudges they are holding, then it will be difficult for her to help them in solving their problems. And since it is taking her way too long to finish her mission, she was given an ultimatum of having to finish her mission within a month – good thing is she found two people to help her with the case: the afterlife police agent Gwi and the human with special ability of making people open up to him just by having a slight physical contact with them, Kang Bae. I love the way these three main characters complemented each other and I sometimes wish that I was given the chance to be a customer at the Mystic Pop-up Bar not just to have them help me solve my grudges but because sometimes, all we need is people who will listen to us.

As mentioned, Weol-ju’s mission is to help people settle the grudges they are carrying and she makes it happen by having people go inside her pop-up bar, let them tell their stories to her and then she will eventually offer them a special drink (which she disguises as an alcohol) that will make them fall asleep so she can enter the dream world and do her work in settling the grudge. While watching this drama, I can’t help but wonder: why do people drink when they have problems? For someone who never drinks and is not interested in drinking, I’ve always been curious of it. They said that alcohol tastes bitter, so I don’t understand why it seems to be helping people in dealing with their problems? Some say that by drinking, it helps them escape their reality for a while. I did some research about this topic and according to Origins Recovery, alcohol contains anxiolytic properties which means that it helps in inhibiting stress or anxiety. As for the bitterness, I heard from someone that as time passes by, the bitterness become sweet unlike life itself in which as time passes by, it becomes more overwhelming. I guess drinking really helps people to take a pause from the absurdity of life despite its bitterness as well as the headache that follows after drinking. Moreover, who am I to judge people who rely on drinking when their life becomes a mess when I also have my own ways, sometimes self-destructive, of finding an escape from this horrible world that we live in? After all, when life gets too tough, we all just want an escape – even though it’s temporary.

With every episode, Weol-ju and her squad helped people settle their grudges and each time they do, it makes me feel emotional. This show makes me realized that all of us are carrying grudges we don’t talk about and when we do not have the avenue to vent it out, then it eats us up alive. All of us are no stranger to struggles, but it is important to be strong and courageous. We can choose to struggle alone but asking for help does not mean you are weak.

Let me end this blogpost by putting my favorite line from Weol-ju: “No matter what’s making you suffer right now, things will settle and pass eventually. Hang in there until then, and you’ll find yourself stronger”

x,

TinaMae

[malunedyne]

¿Creíste que no te iba a encontrar? Quiero todas las respuestas del ask list de canciones de los 80 pero rapidito. (ay no perdón por no preguntar antes pero no tuve tiempo gfsgsfsdfsgfds)

rapidito :3 *se tarda más de una semana* !oof, perdona que el puente se me cruzó xD D:

billie jean: what do you notice more in a song - the drums or bassline?depends on the song! I find funky basslines sweeter to spot than drums sometimes

sweet dreams (are made of this): what’s the best dream you’ve had?maaaaaaaan, that is totally not something imma share here (lol) but I often find lot of peace when I dream of seashores….. it gives me a sense of tranquility and worth for some reason

africa: favourite 80s music video?you’re gonna murder me because I don’t truly watch music videos tbh jdkfkjsdf sorry

every breath you take: who’s the first person your mind goes to when you hear a love song?currently? no one, really

should i stay or should i go: how many languages do you speak?i barely speak spanish, a glimpse of english i have japanese and chinese abandoned atm and i’m interested in bengali too

uptown girl: what’s your favourite book trope?long ass nice paragraphs describing something with a short sentence at the end contradicting the whole paragraph (see Douglas Adams or Lemony Snicket djkfds)

don’t stop believin’: what’s the longest journey you’ve been on?longest in the road? perhaps some 10 hours in bus. as in time spent, a week or so when i was younger

i wanna dance with somebody (who loves me): who was the last person you danced with?uhh….. 5 years ago in college because of a stupid team work? i’m not good at it tho

maneater: where did you spend your last friday night?at my grandma’s backyard, staring at the sky

jessie’s girl: what would you do if you found out your best friend was seeing your ex?I guess I would feel jealous but since i’d have nothing to do romantically speaking with him, i guess i would let it be, people are free to do whatever

born in the u.s.a.: what’s your home town like?a fucking hell. i hate it. i wanna move somewhere else

wake me up before you go-go: how did your last date go?it’s been 84 years….. I guess, as always, nothing happened, or i would remember

girls just want to have fun: relationship with your parents?p good, but the wide generational breach it’s hard for them to understand some of my ‘millennial ways’, since i spend lots of time in the computer, working or watching anime, playing videogames and alla that for further reference since my life is kinda plain at this point, all they think is ‘i’m wasting time’ and they also think i’m talking 24/7 with strangers only when i’m only writing gay shit lmao

beat it: opinions on the police force?fuck the police

never gonna give you up: how old were you when you joined the internet?old enough to troll horny men online, perhaps….. 12 or so? (man, i surely am unforgivable lmao)

faith: when was your first kiss?2012, the cursed year. i was 17

i’m so excited: where was your first kiss?in my high school’s classroom….. remembering the context makes me feel like a bad person though

take on me: could you reach the high note?only with a great amount of effort

footloose: favourite musical?The Rocky Horror Picture Show

9 to 5: do you like country music?it’s not bad, but i’m not very into it either

back in black: what makes a good rock song?catchy riff, a good combination of everything: lyrics, bassline, drums….. a sick solo of any instrument

material girl: are you sentimental?oh hell yeah, i’m actually crying rn (jk but yeah i am lol)

walk this way: what was the most expensive thing you bought in the last six months?I was gonna buy a custom amiibo figure for 71 dollars (aprox.) but i cowered back, might actually buy it but then i wanted to buy some other stuff that is aprox. that price

you shook me all night long: are you seeing anyone at the moment?i was telling my friend the other day “the problem isn’t me being exigent, annoying or just plain weird anymore; the real actual issue here is the lack of men in my surroundings, lol"

thriller: favourite film genre and why?I don’t know, I don’t think I have a favorite, the only requirements i ask for is a fresh and not-predictable narrative; with those elements, i can even watch a romantic comedy movie gladly

i want candy: chocolate or sweets?c h o c o l a t e

ghostbusters: how far do you believe in the paranormal?I DO believe in alla that. For real. And thus, it deserves respect, since those are things that we can’t comprehend

the power of love: does true love exist?true cosmic love is accepting things and people for what they are and be willing to support them when needed

hungry like the wolf: what’s your crush’s favourite music genre?I don’t have a current crush so it’s a relief I don’t have to go facebook-hunting rn lmao

walk like an egyptian: favourite song currently in the charts?i, uh….. don’t know? i’ve been listening to videogame OSTs and my old songs only for months now lmao

(i’ve had) the time of my life: if you could relive any ten minutes of your life, what would you relive?perhaps 10 minutes on high school after the love triangle drama incident….. all in sake of having the clear, vivid memory and sensations to finish my story…..

just can’t get enough: what’s your guilty pleasure?shipping characters and dedicating time to write and read about them, since most of people i know sees it as a super weird hobby

i’m gonna be (500 miles): how far apart do you and your best friend live?i’ve saying i don’t like using honorifics, but FUCK you do live 7,353 km away from here

you spin me round (like a record): favourite modern cover of an older song?I fucking love Arctic Monkeys cover of All My Loving performed in one of their concerts

we built this city: if you were president, what would your first ruling be?sweeping away all of those lazy ass bastards at the chamber of deputies, cutting their salaries and invest more money in education, culture, arts, science and health services since we’re fucked up in almost every aspect

how will i know: do you believe everyone is deserving of love?loving, in the wideness of the meaning, someone else who we think does not deserve it and doing it anyway is the ultimate challenge, but i think everyone deserves love. no one is completely black or white, they just have distorted desires and hearts yet that doesn’t make them less worthy or human

nothing’s gonna stop us now: what’s been the biggest hurdle you’ve faced in your life so far?fucken dysthymia and self-doubt, man

come on eileen: have you ever written a song? if so, what was the genre?oh hell noo, writing songs is a whole challenge

living on a prayer: which was the song of your childhood?Penny Lane - The Beatles. coincidentally enough, my dad used to play that song a lot back when we lived in an apartment, so it was marked as that place’s song

sweet child o’ mine: describe your perfect first date.well, it involves a quiet place so we can chat, i instantly feel the chemistry with the person and an actual interest for them; we can jump from topic to topic and i don’t feel like being ‘someone else’ just so i’m liked

don’t you (forget about me): is there anyone from your past that you regret cutting ties with?not really, i’m okay rn. i lost some friends in this last year but i think i don’t even care anymore

eye of the tiger: favourite 80s movie?THE PRINCESS BRIDE, YOOOO

under pressure: give an example of a world event that occurred the year you were born. uhhh i had to google this one, so um: December 7 – NASA's Galileo Probe enters Jupiter's atmosphere, yay.

with or without you: what would you value most: a relationship or a job?this doesn’t specifies what kinda relationship but i would say it depends on that, actually

another one bites the dust: where did you achieve your biggest accomplishment?may 2012, cdmx. i went to my first therapy session. that’s my biggest accomplishment: care about myself so i can care about others

pour some sugar on me: turn ons?dude!!! long hair, kind aura, guys with submissive attitude, cultured but also willing to admit they don’t know everything and accept new knowledge

in the air tonight: do you enjoy flying?what.oh, no, i have never been in a plane tho !oof

tainted love: thoughts on synthesisers/electronic drum kits/technology based music?g r e a t. a good example? vaporwave, i love that shit

like a virgin: share a controversial opinion. if she breathes she a thot lol no i think all people deserve love. no matter what. but in this site, my most controversial opinion would be my posture that minorities are taking a defenseless posture, as well as being total intolerant to any kinds of frustration and depending of others for self-validation of themselves /you can’t change my mind meme.jpg/

karma chameleon: what do you like most about your appearance?not just yet, but it looks like i’ll inherit my mom’s tuft of gray hairs

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