#just deadriver things

[radiodeadriver]

'cause they only know my deadname

Why are the horrors calling you "babygirl"? 🤨

[radiodeadriver]

Tonight, don't forget to leave out some milk and cookies for The Horrors!

[mbcorvo-author]

Some weeks ago I had the inspiration of trying to write a short story in a similar style (and in particular, the same vibe!) to WTNV, so I started writing down some ideas I had and then expanded one of them.

I'm not entirely happy with this (also because I had no clue on how to convey the tone used by the speaker), but I'm at least glad to have been able to write anything at all after a long time of not writing any short stories or drabbles!

TW: mentions of gore & body horror

Platform 4

You're tuned to channel 13.13, hello!

Today our scheduled program starts with a message from the Town Council, and the message is as follows: "The Council alerts all residents and people currently staying in the village that the local railway station does not have a "platform four". Anyone who meets someone claiming to have gotten off the train at the fourth platform has to contact the railway authorities as soon as possible: they will direct you to the decontamination facilities for check-ups. If you have found yourself at the fourth platform, or know someone that found themselves at the fourth platform, you must surrender them and/or yourself to the railway authorities that will arrange isolation and containment. DeadRiver's train station has only three platforms. There is no platform four." And this was the message from the Town Council.

On another note, talking about the council, DeadRiver is pleased to wish you a happy hundredth-something birthday Arthur! And many happy returns! Even if Arthur already knows how to return. Arthur always returns.

Now another reminder for our kind listeners: please, refrain from trekking in the Beechgrove locality as we are close to the annual Fae festival! The Folk doesn't like tourists during their annual festival. But don't worry: they'll hold another one - open to all creatures - in the upcoming months, so stay tuned to receive updates on the local events!

We received some updates on the Platform Four situation... It seems that the railway police have already brought three people safely into containment, while a fourth one quote-unquote "just melted into a puddle of a red bubbling substance as soon as it got dragged into the facility". Well, that's quite an unusual thing uh? But I don't think it's worse than that case - some time ago - when people started rotting spontaneously and turning into a corpse in a state of advanced decomposition in a matter of seconds. That was a nasty year! Tourism season was at its lowest that year... Not that I think that's a bad thing since it's tiring having to explain how the village works to outsiders... But DeadRiver is a renowned esoteric outdoor touristic location and the Town Council doesn't want to risk losing the money brought to the village by hikers, bikers, cultists, cottage-core lovers, worshipers of the demonic and city people wanting to breathe fresh country air to decompress after a stressful work week sitting at their office's desk! Hm. Reminiscing about the Year of the Rotting made me crave beef jerky. I leave you now with the commercial break, meanwhile, I'll go get something to eat~ Preferably jerky.

-- Welcome back to Radio DeadRiver! There's another update from the train station. Currently, the railway police have put on lockdown a dozen of people-adjacent beings who affirmed to have been at Platform Four and other people-adjacent beings that got close to them. The first three mentioned earlier have already melted into undefined puddles during their stay in the containment facility. We will update you as soon as we get other news from the train station!

Some listeners messaged our station, alarmed by the number of deer carcasses spotted around the village. No, there's no wolf pack, bear, chupacabra or genetically mutated wolverine-badger-mongoose lycanthrope roaming around: don't worry! What you saw is one of those uh- brands of fucked up deers. Like the Muntjack deer - y'know, the ones which have many holes on their face to smell and trigger trypophobia - who live in the nearby forest. Sometimes they get down in town in search of food. So, don't worry: if you spot them, just leave them alone since they will awaken and scuttle away as soon as night falls! And remember to keep your trash bins and homes securely closed!

Let's now return like an urban-line train to our railway situation. I'm receiving a message through the telegraph with some updates. Let's see what's going on! Mh... aha! Uhm... So, it appears that even the other people-adjacent beings turned into unclassified goo while in containment, but the science guys still don't know how that could've happened. But they are doing their best by analyzing the varied puddles of goo. Town Council adds, in a separate message, that they believe it's the Government's doing... and even if I disagree with the Town Council's words, I'm legally bound to repeat what they say.

Oh! The telegraph is pinging me with a new update... Okay, it appears that the melting might have been caused by a "disconnection between the people-adjacent beings and the railway's electric grid, as the grid supplied the beings' internal electromagnetic field that helped them maintain their form". Well, at least they know what they are doing now! I'm not sure if I have grasped the concept, I'm a humanities person, but that explanation sounded like a very relevant thing! Honestly, you could talk to me about uh- I don't know, maybe how the thermodynamic laws work and I would silently nod and smile while, in my head, I'll be climbing a rotating Penrose staircase. But I'm going off the rails.

Another update came through. It appears that the authorities found a way to deal with the Platform Four beings and the goo for which they are made. That's great news, my guys! Looks like they are already close to finding a solution!

We also tried to reach the current supervisor of the railway authorities present at the train station to ask for some declaration of sorts about the event. Something we could share with you all to keep you informed and safe. The Supervisor replied that there is no fourth platform in DeadRiver train station, and because there isn't any fourth platform, there isn't anything happening related to that. "Nothing to worry about, nothing that we're allowed to know about", he said. Well! It's good to know that there isn't anything to worry about!

Sadly for you, listeners, our time is up! Don't forget to tune back into channel 13.13 tomorrow for your dose of local news! See ya next time, bozos!

[radiodeadriver]

Reminder for the not-residents and the villagers: the werewolves of the pack crossing our forests are not *that kind* of werewolves.

We are talking of were - wolves. Wolves who were.

In Layman terms, they are undead wolves who turn into giant undead bipedal wolf-like creatures.

[radiodeadriver]

Hijacking this post to use it to remind our dear villagers that gnomes found in DeadRiver's countryside are considered an invasive species.

Beat the shit out of the gnomes and remember to properly bury the carcasses to avoid the local fauna digging them up to feed. We don't want another "cursed hares situation" again.

If you spot the gnomes, and you can't get rid of them, call the helpline 800-GNOMESGTFO-123 set up by a collaboration between DeadRiver's Forest Guards with NighEnd's county Faerie Control and the department of Animal and Environment Monitoring.

Bro I saw the cutest gnome ever on my morning hike today but it was an invasive species so I had to beat it to shit & death and berry it's carcass away from the glade 😭

[radiodeadriver]

A pack of werewolves has been spotted in the forests surrounding our village. From the observations done by the Forest Guards and our resident Cryptozoologist, they are moving through our forests to reach their new territory after splitting from the main pack.

On this note, a message from the Forest Guard Corp: "No, you can't try finding your werewolf boyfriend/girlfriend among the pack that is migrating through our county's forests. Stay at home."

[radiodeadriver]

The summer still hasn't ended. Please, do not forget to leave an offering to the Parking Deity.

And if you're planning to travel, then crack open a cold one in honor of the Twins of Travels.

[radiodeadriver]

Days passed since the last Platform 4 incident: 120 - 0

[radiodeadriver]

This is interesting as Angels in our area are a bit different, but I guess it might be a uh- regional thing.

If you want to anger an Angel just give them artificial sweeteners instead of sugar. Local flocks prefer beet sugar and cane sugar, otherwise they are fine with fructose or (better) pure glucose.

But also, for the Angels found around 'ere the sugar is mainly a hypercaloric snack and not really a meal. They are more... hm- I'd say opportunistic omnivores, for the lack of a better term.

So angels can survive off of sugar? Damn, wish that were me.

Are some kinds of sweeteners more nutritious than others? For example, how does high fructose corn syrup compare to cane sugar? What about those "zero-calorie" artificial sweeteners?

Oh, my wife and I went back and forth on this for ages. It’s largely preference, from what I could tell, though angels living in Canada tell me the lack of HFCS is better for them in the long run. I have no reason to disbelieve them. Soda tastes better up there anyway. Or ‘pop’ as they call it.

[radiodeadriver]

For all our listeners, especially the ones not native of the area, NEVER wait the bus at the stop located next to the desecrated church.

Unless you want to cross to the other side, then you're free do to so. Remember to bring some coins for the ferryman.

[radiodeadriver]

Dear villagers, please remember to be nice to the retail & service people as you do not know if they are humans or elder gods in disguise.

We do not want a reenactment of the Fated 77. No one wants that.

Thank you.