#just cause i think the stone is ugly af

[wwaddless]

hello! this is a custom cherry blossom island that i made!

originally i started this in survival, every single piece of grass/sand that is there was originally stone. i hand-mined and replaced all of it, though in some layers if you dig you'll just immediately see stone lol. a couple of the buildings were also done in survival, namely the tree house, lighthouse, house, docks, bridge to the lighthouse, and the enchanting area. this also includes all the glass and concrete for the stars and moon. eventually i got sick of doing it all in survival and switched to creative, cause it was faster and got me more excited on the project lmao

i used 4 tutorials for this, and i'll put them under the cut. some other things i looked at pinterest for inspo so if anyone is curious i can send a pinterest board or specific pins.

overall was a fun learning experience! i love terraforming in minecraft lmao, but building is super hard for me, so it was fun to learn different things through tutorials and just trying shit out. :3

tutorials!

Cherry Blossom Starter House // Croissant Cat

Cherry Blossom Treehouse // Cortezerino

How to Build a Lighthouse // ThisIsDoomGaming

Cherry Blossom Greenhouse // Polar Cat

:3

[avengedbiologist]

Thunderbirds 80s style

So turns out my 80s phase I've been having has brought me back to tbirds so here's my 80s au. Info under cut x

Firstly I ain't taking criticism, these designs feel right 2 me and so do the song choices. Sorry there isn't more diversity in the music tastes these r literally just from bands I know.

Gordon-

Kiefer Sutherland (specifically him in the movie 1969 with his longer hair) and George michael r my inspo for him, I mean the hair is the main inspo but the vibes from both of them R verryyy Gordon to me. He dresses very typical 80s he's a big big fan of denim.

His playlist:

His favourite bands are Wham and Cinderella, being a big George Michael fan in general. His favourite album is night songs by Cinderella. Not sure why Cinderella is his fave but it feels right ☝️ (everyone listen to Cinderella xxx)

Him and Alan being the lame duo they are, were Wham for Halloween.

Alan-

Alex Winter for this guy, probably because of bill and ted (definitely because of bill and ted and also nose 👃) and I can genuinely get behind Alan having curly hair. Despite this he has long hair in this cause he's a trendy fella, and if I didn't give any of them long hair I would be a fraud and a fake to the 80s cause. He switches his style a lot but he has a lot of inspo from rock bands.

His playlist:

(I am definitely not projecting) (okay maybe I am, be glad my favourite KIX song is from the 90s)

I feel he is more rebellious (very 04 Alan me thinks) so he tends to lean more to the rebellious type music (big glam rock fan) his favourite band is and will forever be KIX, he has seen them live like 50 times. And his favourite album is Midnite Dynamite by KIX. Listen to KIX and u will get it (or not idk).

Scott-

I'm blaming @knyee because of their Tom Selleck thoughts 😩. Older Scott very Tom Selleck, younger Scott very Tommy Lee, and Jason patric is just there cause he's a guy with brown hair and blue eyes, any 70/80s person with brown hair is Scott to me (could Eddie Van Halen be the next Scott Tracy 😮).

His playlist:

I feel Scott's tryna be more cool but hes not as deep with his music as say Alan or Kayo. So he's a very, whatevers popular kinda guy. Big Bon Jovi fan, his favourite album is Bon Jovi, slippery when wet. And he's a big fan of older stuff as well, big Kinks fan.

Ugly ass fashion as per w Scott, I mean it's not bad it's just,,, very Scott 🧍‍♀️.

Virgil-

Now I am about to be controversial,,, I genuinely forget Virgil exists. Like who is he,, U tell me ? So this made someone that vibes w him very hard to find. So this may be weird to people, this may not fit as well as the others, but if U ignore the hair I hope U can see my vision. Paul Stanley. Look at his eyebrows, look at his cheek bones then get back to me Kay x.

His playlist:

Virgil's cool af what can I say, he does like older songs too but alas I didn't focus on them. Tho this au of the Tracy family has no specific like version (weather it's tag tos or 04, tho with me it's never TAG do not speak to me about TAG Alan xx) I will say this, TAG Virgil is a Metallica fan, I get he does classical music but he can do that,, and like Metallica, cause guess what,, he's cool as shit. Despite this is fave album is Lick it up by kiss.

Don't ask me how to dress virgil, I just put him in green and call it a day.

My fun fact about Virgil is his gay awakening was Slash from guns n roses.

John-

Again don't know shit about John, not do I care for him but if I make him look like Billy Idol I begin to care. I'll tell U sommat not only is this inspo, Billy is like a face claim for me, Ur telling me that's not John Tracy. Is Billy wasn't cool af he would be John Tracy. And as well as looking like Billy idol he is a fan of Billy idol, his fave album being Billy idol by (U guessed it) billy idol.

His playlist:

(R we starting to see my love for lost boys, cause if not just wait till kayo xx)

Rolling stones yeah pretty sick, time in a bottle is out there compared to the others but John's an all over guy I think.

Kayo-

Oh look, Jami Gertz, lost boys reference, what a shock.

Kayos cool, like just look at her, holding hands with penny (women in love what can I say) originally her like fave album was gonna be Kill em' all by Metallica but Kayos here for the girls so her fave Album is Vixen by Vixen. Corker of an album (everyone listen to it x)

Her playlist:

I fear Joan Jett would also be on her playlist but idk man. Kayos just like quirked up but in a fun way, she does try to listen to a lot of female artists. She likes spooky music and old music. If I was doing a 90s or later au she would be a fan of the song 'Living dead girl' by Rob Zombie.

She's a lost boys fan (not projecting) and loves horror films and she takes John to see em, only cause Penny does not like horror films.

Penelope:

Janet Gardner (from Vixen) is her celeb inspo, tho I fear there's a lot of blonde 80s celebs that would work, but why go for Madonna when Janet's right there, and her hair is taller. If Penny doesn't have tall hair that ain't Penny.

Her playlist:

Big big big Stacey Q fan, her fave album is Stacey Q better than heaven. Penny is a big fan of 60s music as well, loving Erma Franklin, he favourite song being her cover of 'Hold on I'm comin''. She loves Daughters of Eve, their song 'Hey lover' is her and Kayos 'song'.

She has seen Stacey Q live many times and has (lovingly) dragged Kayo to them. Kayo is also a bit of a fan. They both like a lot of each other's music, if they find a new band or an artist they like has released a new song they always try to listen to it for the first time together.

I am realising now I didn't write Penny's fave films which are: Heathers, Labyrinth and Hairspray.

This is a long ass post oopsies, hope U enjoy my nonsense x

[kariachi]

Some fic! Set between AF and UA, the team just chilling.

~~~

“I leave you two alone for five minutes…” This was what she got for going and making them all cocoa- she’d learned that Kevin, much like Ben, could not be trusted with the job- coming back to Ben sat on Kevin’s chest for some reason. Gwen’d entrusted him with ‘getting Kevin to sit on the couch so the rest of us can use it too’ but apparently no.

“I was trying to force him to give me the remote,” Ben explained, which she couldn’t help but note still wasn’t what she’d planned for him to do, “but it turns out he can just breathe just fine like this.”

“If it came down to it, with a deep enough armor I wouldn’t have to breathe at all. Thanks, babe.” They both flashed her grins as she handed them their mugs and settled in on Kevin’s legs. Wasn’t as comfy as couch cushions, but apparently unless she wanted to toss both of them off herself it was the best she was going to get.

“Wouldn’t need to breathe, wouldn’t need to eat,” she said, shaking her head, “I’m surprised you ever bothered staying like this in the first place.”

“Eh. Going all stone or metal ups my weight from nearly two-hundred to up-to a few tons, fucks shit up. And organics like wood…” Kevin flipped through channels as he mulled his words. “Okay, you guys never got the chance to see but I did spend this last fall trimming wannabe branches and shit. Plus, the more organics I absorb the higher chance it affects my future kids.” Gwen and Ben both silently turned, leaning forward in Gwen’s case, to stare at him. Ben responded first.

“Your species is weird.”

“Yeah, fuck off.”

“He’s not wrong, Kev.” Snorting, still grinning, he waved a finger at Gwen.

“You don’t get to talk, you’re an amorphous ball of energy crammed into a dozen pounds of skin.” He wasn’t wrong either. There was a reason she’d dropped her martial arts classes after that last fight against the Highbreed, and it was 100% to do with the masquerade.

“That’s beside the point.”

“This is why I hang out with you guys,” Ben said around a sip of cocoa, “I get to be the normal one in the room.”

“And here I thought it was because he cared,” Gwen said.

“I assumed it was because I pay for shit, this is sorta a step up.” There was a thwap as Ben swatted at Kevin and got a laugh in return.

“I pay my own way!”

“With who? Cause it ain’t with me.”

“You make more money than I do.”

“From two jobs. If anything you should be treating me just for that.”

“If doesn’t count if one of them’s crime.”

“Bullshit it doesn’t.”

“I’m about to stop hanging out with either of you,” Gwen broke in. “Go back a few channels, Kev? I think I saw House Hunters.”

“Sure thing.” He switched it back over. Looked like the couple of the episode were up north, there were half-melted snowdrifts in the background. “You can’t call yourself normal with what you take in your smoothies, Benji.”

“They’re tasty.”

“They’re crimes against nature,” Gwen said, sharing a smirk with Kevin over his shoulder as Ben huffed. “Sorry to be the ones to break it to you.

“Yeah, well,” Ben answered, “at least I don’t- Fuck, look at that basement!” Immediately the others’ attention went from Ben to the tv, all three of them gaping.

“Mother fuck, that carpet-”

“I swear to God, if either of you ever install something that ugly I’m having you shot.”

“If I ever do that, I want you to.”

“They better not pick this one- they’d have to burn it to cleanse the land!”

[hallospaceboyy]

Could I perhaps request a reader/zelda smutty angst? I was thinking readers ex wife shows up wanting her back. Zelda is pissed and threatens them to see them off then dicks down reader with a strap to remind them who they belong to but in a loving way.... That's a lot so appreciate if it's too much to get into one 😂

Belonging

Warning for smut, use of strap on

A.N: Thank u for this request cause I never get bored of writing Zelda using a strap on lol. P.S Proud of my editing of this picture cause it was dark af lmao

You blanch immediately when you open the door and Rachel is stood there - your ex wife. You cling to the door handle for support, and immediately feel Zelda's warmth envelope you, her arm about your waist to steady you.

“Hello, Y/N.” Rachel drawls, and you feel sick to your stomach. Even after everything she did, she has this air of cockiness, a confidence that radiates from her as if you'd still fall to your knees at her feet even now. Instead you press yourself closer to Zelda, and Rachel eyes the both of you. She looks envious, and that makes you feel a little smug.

“Rachel.” You reply curtly, and Zelda squeezes you in reassurance. “Why are you here?”

“I want you back. I made a mistake, baby.”

You grimace at hearing her call you that, and you can feel Zelda stiffen beside you, obviously just as shocked as you that she so brazenly came out with this right here, in front of Zelda, your girlfriend.

You eye the redhead in the doorway - for of course she's a redhead, always did have a soft spot for flame red hair and pale skin – and clench your teeth in anger, seething at the audacity of the woman.

“I haven't been your baby for a long time, Rachel. I think it's best you leave.”

A shadow falls over Rachel's face, and she tries to step toward you, but Zelda releases you immediately and blocks her path, and you really look at her for the first time, see the fire in her eyes, her mouth set in a thin line, and you know you certainly wouldn’t want to be the person on the receiving end of her wrath.

“You've been asked to leave. I suggest you do so.” Zelda snaps.

“You're really settling for this second rate version of me, baby? You really can do better.” Rachel's eyes never leave Zelda's, a smirk playing at her lips, and you reach for Zelda's hand, suddenly worried it's going to get ugly.

“There’s nothing second rate about my Zelda. She's a thousand times the woman you’ll ever be, and she treats me better. She manages to keep her legs closed when I’m not around, for a start.”

Rachel glares at you over Zelda's shoulder, and you merely raise a brow at her, feeling brave with Zelda there with you, fearless. Zelda steps closer to her, her face inches from hers, a smug smile on her face now, although her eyes are still as hard as stone.

“If you care for her at all, you'll leave, now. Y/N is happy, she has a home with us, and I love her dearly. If you ever try to ruin that for her, I will tear you limb from limb.” Zelda grazes a single finger down her cheek and Rachel flinches away. “I’ll savour every scream.”

Rachel backs away from Zelda, and she chuckles, delighting in the look of fear in the woman’s face. She looks at you one final time, meets your eyes over Zelda's shoulder, before turning and stomping off in her heels. Zelda flicks her wrist when the woman reaches the bottom of the steps, and Rachel falls to her knees in the dirt, and you cover your mouth to suppress the laugh rising within you.

You grasp Zelda's hand and pull her inside, closing the door behind her and pressing her against it. You gaze lovingly into her eyes, and there are butterflies in your stomach, thinking of how protective she was of you, her shamelessly professing her love for you. It’s so very unlike Zelda, always so private, and your heart swells with pride and adoration.

“I love you too, by the way.” You murmur, brushing your lips against hers, and she chuckles.

“I know you do.” Her hands glide down to your ass and squeeze the soft flesh firmly, and you gasp against her lips.

“Zelds...”

“I want to make you feel good, darling. I want to fuck you so hard, remind you that you’re mine and I love that you’re mine.” She whispers, gripping your ass harder and pulling your body flush against hers. You release a breathy moan, eyes fluttering closed as you feel a throb of arousal between your thighs. Zelda has always been extremely good at that – making you impossibly wet with words and words alone.

“Then fuck me.”

Zelda growls and picks you up, and you wrap your legs around her waist, squeaking in surprise when you feel the rush in your abdomen as she teleports you both to the bedroom. She lowers you to the mattress and crawls on top of you, and you're both already frantically shedding each other of clothes, tearing them from your bodies, suddenly desperate for each other, for hot skin on hot skin. You whine when Zelda tugs off your bra and immediately begins biting and sucking at the swell of your breasts, leaving delicate purple marks in her wake before tugging on your nipple with her teeth.

“Z-Zelds.” You whimper, fisting a hand in her hair and pulling gently, delighting in the soft groan she releases. You lift your hips and push your underwear down your legs, the only garment left on your body, and Zelda chuckles at your alacrity, your desperation. She pulls away from you, and your eyes rove her body, left only in a black satin bra and matching thong, and you bite your lip and squirm when she removes the bra, freeing her pert breasts, and you lick your lips.

You surge forwards and wrap your arms around her waist, taking a nipple into her mouth and sucking hard, and Zelda groans, arching her back against you. You feel something hard press to your thigh, and you whine against her, glancing down to see the strap now attached to her hips as you kiss across her chest to give her other breast the same treatment. She gently pushes you backwards, and you pull her with you, mouth still firmly attached to her nipple, flicking your tongue over it.

Zelda just watches you for a moment, stroking your hair, and you gaze up at her, smirking as you suck on her pebbled nipple.

“Such a good girl.” Zelda murmurs, and then the toy is pressed to your entrance and you gasp, pulling away to arch your back and buck your hips, needing her to fill you, to fuck you.

“Show me who I belong to.” You claw at her back and Zelda moans, pushing the tip into you, but she doesn't go any further, grins at you and raises a brow when you growl in frustration.

“Tell me who you belong to.” She quips, and you roll your eyes.

“I belong,” You nip at her bottom lip and she chuckles. “To Zelda Phiona Spellman.” Your hands claw at her ass, and you spread your legs as wide as you can before pulling her hips to meet yours, the toy entering you to the hilt. You breath heavily, wrapping your legs around her waist to still her, just rocking with her for a second and gazing into her eyes, letting yourself adjust to the girth of the toy filling you.

“You like it when I fill you up, my love?” Zelda breathes as she kisses the corner of your lips, and you grin.

“Mm.” You release her hips then, and she pulls almost entirely out of you, before thrusting hard, her hips slapping against you. She rests her hands on your calves and presses your legs to your torso, and you cry out as she thrusts into you again, delighting in the new depths she can reach in the position.

Zelda sits up on her knees, pressing firmly on your calves to keep you in place as she finds a steady rhythm, pounding into you, and you see stars with each thrust, waves of hot pleasure coursing through you. You keep your eyes trained on her despite your heavy lids, watching the way her breasts bounce with each thrust, her breaths growing more erratic as she watches you come apart beneath her.

“I-I love you, Zelds.” You moan breathily, and Zelda presses her thumb to your clit, grinning when you tilt your head back and cry out loudly at the firm pressure on your sensitive bud.

“I love you, my darling.” She rubs at your clit in hard, fast circles as she fucks you relentlessly with the strap, and your whining and moaning is constant, and loud as the pressure coils within you, your orgasm fast approaching. “Come for me. I want to watch you come apart.”

You groan loudly, her words as well as her fast thrusts pushing you over the edge, and you writhe against the sheets, clasping at them with whitened knuckles.

“Fuck fuck fuck Zelda!” You're glad it’s only the two of you home, because the entire house would have heard you crying out her name, and Zelda laughs, and you force your eyes open to see her watching you intently, eyes alight, a broad grin on her face.

You whine, your body relaxing as the intense orgasm is replaced by the aftershocks, and Zelda slows her movements, still rubbing gently at your clit, and you roll your hips, breathing heavily.

“You look so beautiful when you come for me.” She murmurs, and then she stops, pulling herself from you and quickly waving the toy away before collapsing on top of you, pressing kisses to your damp forehead, your cheeks, and you giggle, embracing her and holding her close.

“Well, you look beautiful when you’re fucking me, so it’s a win win.”

Zelda laughs, planting a kiss to your lips before pulling away to look at you.

“Are you okay? I never really asked. It must have been hard seeing her again.”

“I'm more than okay, Zelds. I have you. I don’t feel anything for her anymore. Except maybe contempt. Now let's not talk about my ex wife after sex. It's odd.”

“Mm, right. Sorry.” The redhead chuckles, nuzzling her face in the crook of your neck.

“I have a proposition for you.” You stroke her back and press a kiss to her shoulder, and Zelda hums.

“What's that, love?”

“Sit on my face.” You murmur, and you smirk as Zelda shudders against you, looking at you with dark eyes and parted lips, eyebrows raised.

“Well, I certainly won't deny you that.” She laughs, already pulling away and hurriedly pulling her underwear off before crawling up your body.

“Oh Zelds. So very selfless, it must be exhausting.”

“Shut up, you little minx.” She lowers her soaked core to your mouth, and you do shut up, except for delighted moans as you lick at her hungrily, watching the redhead come apart above you as she grinds against your tongue.

[hellofanimagination]

Masterlist as of 3/11/19

~Notes On My Writing Encourages Me To Write~

Headcannons

Drabbles

Taglist

Bold=Contains Smut

Italics=Just Angst

(^)=Male Reader

($)=Threesome

(!)=Multiple Current Relationships (With the reader)

(+)=Basement AU

(*)=Punk AU

(@)=Danger Days AU

(%)=High School/College AU (or implies that they are younger)

(-)=Vampire AU

(&)=Parent/Pregnancy AU or involves kids (such as  Bandit)

(#)=Self Harm TW

Fall Out Boy:

Patrick:

Eternal Summer (%)

I Am Beautiful With You

Bad Trip, I Couldn’t Get Off

I Got Troubled Thoughts

I Would Sing You To Sleep

Lullabye (&)

Moan For Me

Blue Bubbles

^Part 2

Kisses on The Necks Of “Best Friends” (%)

Cause It’s Just Trust

Allie, I Was So Good Back Then

Take This To Your Grave

Cinderella She Seems So Easy

Pete:

It’s Not A Side Effect Of The Cocaine (^)

Call Me Maybe

Andy:

Moving Pictures (&)

My Chemical Romance:

Gerard:

Urie’s House, 11 Tonight (%)

Don’t Go

I Need You

Please

Doctor Way

First Time (+)

Interview

^Part 2

Nicotine Kisses (*)

Hold Me

Study Date (*) (%)

Love Will Kill You (*) (%)

Too Fast (+)

Don’t Save Me (@)

Beautiful

Kiss Me You Animal

I Hate The Ending Myself (@)

Thief (@)

The Boys And Girls In The Clique (+) (%)

^ Parts 2 and 3

Not So Secret (@)

My Friends Blur (+) (%)

^Part 2

Dance, Dance (@)

You Belong To Me I Believe

Marry Me

Playground Eyes (#)

Blow Me..A Kiss (+)

They’ll Say It’s Not Worth It (+) (%)

Reinvent Love

Right Down To The Blood (*)

In A World Of Bad Dreams (-)

^Part 2

My Perfect Stranger (&)

Mama

In A Bullet’s Embrace (#)

Sounds Of Love-Notes

We Are The Dream (&)

Do It Now And Do It Loud

Young And Loaded (@)

A Love That’s So Demanding

^Part 2

What Are We Waiting For?

My Best Friend’s Brother

I Don’t Do ‘Parents’ (%) (*)

Remember When You And I Would Make Things Up? (&)

Protect Me From The Troubles Of My Own Skin (^) (#)

Hot For Teacher (%)

I Don’t Believe In Luck ($)

The World’s a Broken Bone (%) (+)

The World Is Ugly (#)

Everybody Wants To Know (%) (*)

It Was Always You (+)

Birthday Touches

Burnt Waffles Made With Love (&)

Don’t Bless Me Father For I Have Sinned

Blink Back To Let Me Know (%) (Fem!Gee)

Fight Me (Knight AU)

^Part 2

Tattoos Of Heroes Without Capes (@)

This Is How We Met, Cause We’re Fucking Nerds

We Will Stumble Through Heaven

I Can Make Your Heart Slow

Being Blue Is Better Than Being Over It

^Part 2

We Can Be Heroes (+)

I’ve Always Held My Doubts So Close To My Heart

Well There’s No Way I’m Kissing That Guy (-)

I Never Said I’d Lie And Wait Forever

^ Part 2

This Is A Love Song In My Own Way

I’ve Got An Uncommon Love ($) (@) (!)

Can You Feel My Heart? (+)

In The Morning It Will All Be Better (+)

This Is The Best Day Ever

Bachelors For Bad Luck Girls (%)

I Want You In My Life

Only You (Asexual!Reader)

Dirty Little Secret (+)

I Promise You This

Lips Pressed Close To Mine

Sleeping Beauty

Without A Sound

If You Look In The Mirror And Don’t Like What You See (+)

Tell Me I’m A Bad Man ($)

Keep Running (@)

Cold On This Inside (^)

Such A Happy Mess

Throwing Stones At A Glass Moon (@) (&)

Follow Me Down (%)

We Spark and We Fade (Vampire Hunters AU)

Thin Line Between A Good And A Bad Idea

The Pros And Cons Of Breathing (#)

I Found The Cure To Growing Older (%)

Houston We’re Going Down (@)

Until You’ve Had Yourself A Hurricane

Spooky Scary And Drunk AF

Unashamed (^)

Comback Of The Year

Hesitant Alien

^Part 2

This Is How I Disappear

Don’t Wanna Fall In Love (*)

Shut Me Up

Fantastic Bastards 

Hand Of God 

Victims Of Love

Lightning In A Bottle

Frank:

Sweet Fun (@)

Hold A Lover Close (*) (%)

A Kiss And I Will Surrender

Say I Like You, And We Can Get Out

Promises That We’ll Make

I Don’t Believe In Luck ($)

Let’s Get These Teen Hearts Beating. Faster, Faster

Back To The Street Where We Began

I’ve Got An Uncommon Love ($) (@) (!)

Sometimes We Take Chances

Bruises On Your Thighs

Imaginary Wedding Gown (&)

Tell Me I’m A Bad Man ($)

Can’t Help Falling In Love

^Part 2

Up Against The Picket Fence

Mikey:

Stressed Out

Kiss And Tell

All My Feelings Exposed (^)

Let Me See Your Moves

You Can Have My Heart

Summer Time (^)

Adore

My Heart Is Yours (%)

Something My Soul Needs (^)

Ray:

They Say Quitters Never Win

No Pairing:

Takes One To Know One

Untitled (Submission)

Not Another Boy Band (Genderfluid!Gee)

Hesitantly Me (Reader is Gee’s sister)

Lost Boys (mcr are fucked up and homeless, reader helps them) (#)

Panic! At The Disco:

Ryan:

I’d Do It All Again. I Think You’re My Best Friend

Milkshake Smiles (%)

^Part 2

I Just See The Sky

Girl, I’m Just Impressed With Your Face (Artist!Ryan)

Where Can I Go When I Want You Around (Prince!Ryan)

Nearly Witches

Another Observation (Agender!Ryan)

It’s Nice To Think You Are Always Wanted

Shh…It’s A Secret

You Rattle My Bones

She Had The World ($) (!)

^Part 2 ($) (!)

Film The World Before It Happens (!)

Free Form Poem (RyanxReaderxJon) (Submission)

Supernatural:

Dean:

Bear Bottles and Gun Shots

Beach Trip

Promise?

You’re My Dream

Chocolate Kisses

Game Over

Nothing To Write Home About (%) (!)

Sam:

5 Seconds Of Sam (%)

Mad At Nothing (!)

Sleep, Love

Castiel:

Learning

Let’s Just Pretend

Other

Midday Naps (%) (Kellin Quinn Imagine)

Emo? Emo. (%) (Dan Howell Imagine)

Young Love As Sweet As Can Be (%) (Dan x Reader x Phil)

More Than You Bargained For (Dan x Reader x Phil)

Zero To Hero (Tyler Oakley Imagine)

Magic In The Midnight Sun (Brandon Flowers Imagine)

You Stole My Head (Dallon Weekes Imagine)

Hey, Baby I’m Not Your Superhuman (Except That I Am) (Spiderman Imagine)

Screaming Daydreams (Submission (Poem, no ship)

I’m Trying My Best (Submission, William Beckett x Reader)

[waitingforwinterwinds]

Game of Thrones - 43 EDDARD XI (pages 446-454)

Ned is petitioned for vengeance justice by the survivors of an assault lead by the Mountain, Gregor Clegane. Ned sends Lord Beric Dondarrion and a party of men off to try.

-

Through the high narrow windows of the Red Keep's cavernous throne room, the light of sunset spilled across the floor, layering dark red stripes upon the walls where the heads of dragons had once hung. Now the stone was covered with hunting tapestries, vivid with green and browns and blues, and yet it seemed to Ned Stark that the only color in the hall was the red of Blood.

Now ain't that just a metaphor for the whole bloody place?

He sat high upon the ancient seat of Aegon the Conqueror, an ironwork monstrosity of spikes and jagged edges and grotesquely twisted metal.

Was thinking to myself "is the chair younger than King's Landing which is itself only 300 odd years old? Can you really can a 300 year old chair ancient when Ned's family has lived in a castle built 8,000 years ago? What's a good word to encapsulate its history that doesn't make it seem so much older than it is?"

So anyway, the Iron Throne is Retro now.

"His Grace is hunting across the Blackwater, Ned said, wondering how a man could live his whole life a few days ride from the Red Keep and still have no notion what his king looked like.

*moves the marker for Ned Stark's estimated intelligence down a few notches*

A few days ride is A Lot if you have no real reason to travel it. If I was a peasant, I'd hope to go my whole life without having reason to meet or need to know the face of the king. If I had reason to see the king, it had better bloody be because I was in town for a trade and happened to catch a royal procession through the street. You genuinely think the 'small folk' give two shits what the king looks like as long as he's not interfering with their lives overly much? Cause Ned? If these people need to see the king? It's either because they're having his promo pics shoved in their faces, or something absolutely devastating has happened and they need to make an appeal in court, like say, what these people are doing right now!?!

Ned could feel cold steel against his fingers as he leaned forward. Between each finger was a blade, the points of twisted swords fanning out like talons from arms of the throne. Even after three centuries, some were still sharp enough to cut. The Iron Throne was full of traps for the unwary. The songs said it had taken a thousand blades to make it, heated white-hot in the furnace breath of Balerion the Black Dread. The hammering had taken fifty-nine days. The end of it was this hunched black beast made of razor edges and barbs and ribbons of sharp metal; a chair that could kill a man, and had, if the stories were to be believed.

Aegon the Conqueror was so freaking extra.

Also no wonder this ugly-ass chair is cursed AF. You can probably walk into that room and see the chairs corrupting malevolent aura, and everyone be like "psh, nah! that's just the smoke from the crapton of candles and torches we leave lying around."

This is one of those chapters where my fic loving brain is already writing fix it fics that amount to "and then (insert awesome team here) from (insert non ASOIAF fandom here) break not only the fourth wall but the fabric of space time and stomp (insert degenerate piece of garbage masquerading as a human being here) into the ground!!!"

NGL, I would love to see Gregor squished under the foot of a Zord. Or char-grilled by a Charizard.

[sweetdreamr]

thoughts on thor: ragnarok

I’m gonna preface this by saying that I really really wanted to like this movie. Like. Really.

But, as the Rolling Stones once said, we can’t always get what we want.

Be warned, this is long af.

Hits:

--Valkyrie--um, lethal, gorgeous, haunted by her past? Yes please. I’ve been a sucker for that one since my Xena fangirl days. Her bond with Hulk was also funny and warm (”Angry girl!” made me smile, the more so because she seemed less angry around him.) It was nice to see somebody having fun around here.

--Hela-- Her costume was epic. I was antsy about what they’d do with her clothing, given that it can be pretty, uh, minimal in the comics sometimes. Fortunately that didn’t happen here. She was equal parts scary, funny, and seriously badass, and i enjoyed the parallels between her relationship with Odin, and that of Loki and Thor.

--Grandmaster was fucking hilarious and occasionally cruel, and who knew Jeff Goldblum could rock blue eye makeup like that?

--Fenris. I still wanna pet the puppy. Even undead he is floofy and gorgeous.

--Thor having to see Hulk naked. That’s karma, asshole.

--Loki’s costumes were fantastic, and his ability to be equally resilient yet able to charm his way into the Grandmaster’s good graces (and STAY there, since the Grandmaster is fickle af) is one of the few things about him that stayed in-character.

--It’s nice to see Loki supporting the arts in Asgard. Also, eating healthy is important. U go Loki.

--Matt Damon had the role of a lifetime as Loki. He may as well end his career now, since it’s not gonna get any better than that.

--Odin’s death scene was really beautifully done. Even if Odin suddenly being about to die made no fucking sense. At least he doesn’t seem pissed at Loki, and let us have a nice little moment between them.

--I liked the acknowledgement that Odin’s power and wealth has a really ugly history. For all Asgard’s beauty, it’s built on something truly hideous.

--Loki: “You had ONE JOB.”

--Thor is right about Hulk’s room and its stylistic choices. It was ugly af.

--Literally everything Heimdall. He gets better with every film, but goddamn does he need more scenes. Still, his hair looks great and he’s the unsung hero of the film.

--Thor losing his eye and becoming more like Odin, but hopefully better. Also, harnessing his lightning/thunder powers fucking ruled.

--”Oh? You’re the God of Hammers now?” Odin pls stop making me laugh. I’m trying to hate you over here.

Misses:

Oh boy here we go, strap in kiddies.

--Odin’s power and legacy is shown, as mentioned above, to come from true ugliness, and yet? He doesn’t have to answer for it at all, and instead dies a peaceful death. I liked that scene, don’t get me wrong, but what the fuck?

--Really, Loki? Skurge was the best replacement you could find for Heimdall? Maybe try Ziprecruiter or something next time?

--Thor. Um, has anyone seen this guy? Do you think he knows that some douchebag stole his outfit and is douching his way around the multiverse pretending to be the God of Thunder for most of the film? More on this later.

--Why would the realms have gone to hell after Loki assumed the throne? Nothing in his past within the films indicated to me that he’d be a poor ruler, certainly no worse than Odin. He might get bored with it, and come to dislike it, but Loki can and does do many things he doesn’t particularly like, and does them well. (Exhibit A: playing second fiddle to Thor, etc.)

--How the fuck did Loki’s spell drain Odin of his magic? Also, if Loki is that powerful, how the fuck did Dr. Strange manage to trap him for 30 seconds, let alone 30 minutes?

--Seriously, Odin’s death made no goddamn sense. At all.

--I’m calling a bam on Thor saying “I have a feeling it will all work out fine.” THOR. IT GETS WORSE AFTER YOU SAY THAT. EVERY TIME. STOP.

--Dr. Strange’s cameo was a waste of my fucking time. That’s like 20 minutes of my time that I will never get back. You’d think, being such an experienced actor, that Benedict Cumberbatch’s American accent would be way better, but it sounds awful. Like, really really awful. I’d rather fall for 30 minutes with Loki than have to listen to that auditory nightmare again.

--Who was Hela’s mother? (I mean given that her father is Odin, her mother could be pretty much ANYONE.) Not a big deal that we never found out, but it annoyed me anyway.

--Are we gonna talk about how Hulk has spent the last two years fucking murdering people?

--Also, how the fuck did Odin convince an entire kingdom (or NINE) that his daughter never existed? I’m assuming magic, but as the writers didn’t give enough of a damn to think this was worth explaining, I’m not about to theorize and do their job for them.

--WHY DID I HAVE TO BE SUBJECTED TO HULK’S NAKED ASS? WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE HAVING TO SEE THAT WITH MY OWN EYEBALLS. THIS IS NOT OKAY.

--The Warriors Three died the most pointless fucking deaths ever, literally for no goddamn reason. There was no need to kill them off, since it would have been perfectly logical for Thor to send them to various parts of the realms to restore peace. Honestly, the only reason for their deaths that I can fathom would have been to increase Thor’s grief, but we never see him learn of their deaths or mourn them, so that can’t be it. Again, pointless.

Remember when I said I’d talk about Thor’s OOC behavior later? It’s later. And OH BOY do i have a lot to say.

--I’m about to contact the authorities and put in an MIA search for Loki and Thor’s character development. It was nowhere to be seen in this film. They were just tossed straight into their old cycle of betray, threaten, beat up. It’s stupid as fuck, and I’m really fucking annoyed that I have to sit through this again. Sometimes it’s entertaining but at this point? It’s just tedious.

I’d also like to point out that the initial relationship presented to us in the first Thor film was really not that cycle. It’s vaguely hinted at, but not completely spelled out. There was genuine love and affection punctuated by the occasional prank, but that’s pretty much all I got. While I recognize that the cycle is a central theme in the comics, the film versions are very, very different. That said, it makes giving the film characters the storylines of their comic book counterparts is a tricky business that needs to be handled a LOT better than it was here.

Spoiler alert: It was not handled well here. At all.

Oh, then there’s Thor’s repeated line of “That’s what heroes do”, which was reminiscent of this:

Not a great parallel to evoke, guys. I’m just saying.

Because last time I checked, heroes don’t leave their brothers tazed and convulsing on the floor. That’s not a hero move, that’s a dick move. Thor is supposed to have evolved from that, and bringing it back for the sake of punchline just feels like a cheap-ass way of getting laughs. (Yes, there’s the possibility that they planned this together, but again, I’m not wasting my time honeypotting for hack writers.)

I mean, the Thor we’ve been presented with so far is warm-hearted and smarter than most people think, and he does his best to make things right when he fucks up.

Except for this movie, apparently.

Also, while I didn’t mind Loki’s ‘looking out for ME’ mindset (it’s one of the few things that actually made sense--I mean fuck, who else is gonna do it?), Thor’s surprise at it was kind of ridiculous. What the fuck did you expect? It’s like he totally forgot that, at the end of the first film, he realized his role in inflicting damage onto Loki that helped to make him into what he was.

Instead it was like:

Um yes. Yes it fucking does. Does this negate Loki’s choices, or his actions? Fuck no. But it did play a role, so let’s at least acknowledge that, shall we? Having said that, it’s logical to conclude that continuing the same behavior that inflicted the initial damage is counterproductive at best. And a shitty creative choice if ever there was one.

Thor’s anger over Odin’s death, and Loki’s supposed causing of it (albeit intentionally) made sense, (i guess? i didn’t understand Odin’s death scene in case u hadn’t noticed) but it was done in such a weird way. “I hate you, oh no wait let’s banter, oh okay now i’m mad at you again, whoops no i’m not” all throughout the film. Conflicting feelings is one thing, but goddamn, pick a fucking flavor.

Also, what the fuck is Marvel’s issue with portraying psychological trauma? The way they do it, it’s like it isn’t even worth mentioning unless it can be played for laughs. (See: Naked Selvig running around in TDW, without much reference as to why he’s doing that. “Oh he’s naked hahaha”, yeah, let’s not treat this with any sympathy at ALL, good job Marvel.)

And in Loki’s case? Oh God. The whole scene where he sees Hulk again is just. So awful. That it’s played for laughs makes it worse. Loki getting his comeuppance from Hulk during the first film after trying to use him actually had purpose (Loki’s defeat and Hulk’s taking revenge at being used), but since he hasn’t done anything to Hulk during Ragnarok, it’s just not all that funny.

I mean, fucking hell, psychological trauma does have absurdities that can lend their way to humor, but doing it at the expense of the traumatized person is fucked up and gross. Whether or not the traumatized person is a nice person or not really doesn’t come into it. Or at least, it shouldn’t.

Myy good friend @icyxmischief has a lot of meta about this on her blog, and she’s way more eloquent than me, so please go read it. It’s amazeballs.

[jjsungie]

I got tagged by @ameehhhhh thanks a lot <3

I tag: @shownhyuk @ukihyunnie @kihqun @wonshiks-tiddy @jooheonslegs @princessofmind @mini-minies 

Rules: Complete the questions and when you’re finished tag a few people.

1. Were you named after anyone? 

I don’t think so

2. When was the last time you cried? 

A few days ago, just couldn’t deal with myself

3. Do you like your handwriting? 

I hate it! ugly af

4. What is your favorite type of lunch meat?

Chicken~

5. Do you have kids? 

God Thanks no! they would be dead by now...

6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? 

I don’t think so! Too troublesome! Like i am so bad with keeping contact if you don’t force yourself on me ^^’

7. Do you use sarcasm? 

Never I mean that could be used in a mean way... i am so not like that

8. Do you still have your tonsils?

yep

9. Would you ever bungee jump? 

I would cry and all but I would do it ^^

10. Do you think you’re a strong person? 

I guess so? I mean I deal with myself everyday. That needs a lot of strenght

11. What is your favorite ice cream?

stracciatella

12. What is the first thing you notice about people? 

The way they look at me and if they don’t look at me then their hair

13. What is the physical trait you dislike most about yourself? 

my legs

14. What color pants and shoes are you currently wearing?

only black leggings and no shoes

15. What are you listening to right now?

Bang Yongguk - AM 4:44

16. If you were a crayon what color would you be? 

Black cause thats just me

17. What is your favorite smell? 

smell of rain on a warm street

18. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

my mum but turned out she actually thought i was with my sister but I was not so yeah she wanted to hang up again

19. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? 

........

20. What color hair do you have? 

Brown (colored)

21. What color eyes do you have? 

Blue <3

22. Do you wear contacts? 

No

23. What is your favorite food to eat? 

Tteokkbokki 

24. Do you prefer scary movies or comedies? 

can’t you just give me drama pls? out of this two i prefere comedies! I am hella scared of scary movies

25. What was the last movie you watched? 

City of Bones

26. What color shirt are you wearing? 

Black

27. Do you prefer summer or winter? 

again pls just give me spring or fall! I hate both summer and winter!

28. Hugs or Kisses? 

Kisses! Nothing is better than kisses that make you melt! Sadly I rarely dated good kisser... thats why I ended dating them lol

29. What book are you currently reading? 

I gave up on my last one so none

30.Who do you miss right now? 

Sungmin Moon

31. What is on your mouse pad? 

have none! I use the table...

32. What was the last TV program you watched? Galileo spezial

33. What is the best sound? 

wind rushiling through leaves... best when a storm is coming... makes me feel calm

34. Rolling Stones or The Beatles?  Just give me music that is my taste pls

35. What is the farthest you’ve traveled? 

South Korea

36. Where were you born? 

Wrong country (Switzerland)

[rhetts-beard]

All soft asks

aLL OF ‘EM- I mean why thank you

🌸Blankets: Have you been in love?

the real question is has anyone ever been in love with me and the answer is no

🌸Stuffies: How did you meet your best friend?

we met in third grade but I don’t remember exactly how it happened lol

🌸Fluffy Pillows: What happened in your most recent dream?

Who sleeps- I don’t remember exactly but someone was trying to kill me for some reason and it was basically me running and hiding the whole time

🌸Scented Candles: How do you relax?

I don’t tbh

🌸Gem Stones: What’s your birthstone/favourite stone?

I think it was topaz? Is that even one lol I don’t remember

🌸Pajamas: Describe your favourite pajamas

my “pajamas” are just random tshirts and either some basketball shorts or yknow pajama pants. But there are these one pair of pajama pants I like that are purple with peace signs

🌸Fuzzy Socks: What’s your favourite movie?

uhhh the Labyrinth

🌸Kittens & Puppies: Name of your pet or your ideal pet?

I wish I had a cat and I’d probably name it Rez

🌸Laughter: What’s the funniest joke you’ve heard?

My life

🌸Mittens: Do you like the snow?

I love it oh my gooooosh

🌸Hot Coco: What’s your favourite Starbucks drink?

Don’t have any tbh if it’s coffee I’ll take it

🌸Soft Kisses: Describe your OTP

Rhett godlike McLaughlin + Link fine ass Neal = Rhink

🌸Rainy Days: What do you do on a rainy day?

Try to go outside but most of the time no one will let me. So I’ll just yknow sit by the window watching the rain fall

🌸Flower Petals: What’s your favourite flower?

Idk they’re all nice

🌸Cotton Candy: What’s your favourite candy?

Those hard strawberry candies that got the wrappers which look like a strawberry

🌸Bubble Baths: Your favourite memory?

Walking to school while listening to Bowie on this one fucking awesome fall day :’)

🌸Wooly Scarfs: What song do you think relates the most to you?

Lazy Bones by Green Day

🌸Roasted Marshmallows: Your camping with friends! Describe the forest you’re pitching your tent in

what idk any forest is awesome

🌸Bird Songs: Name 5 things you love

uhhh @dillie-barsGreen DayMy mythical dads Bowie Nature

🌸Old Books: Do you read? If so, what’s your favourite book series?

I freaking love to read :D but uh all the books I’ve read haven’t been in a series

🌸Warm Hugs: Who would you love a hug from right now?

anyone really at this point cause fuck :’)

🌸Clouds: What’s the best shaped cloud you’ve seen?

Uh all clouds are great sO

🌸Fae: Describe yourself as a fairy

still an ugly fuck- but with wings 👍

🌸Holding Hands: What was the name of your first love?

we don’t talk about them here

🌸Cupcakes: Favourite cupcake flavour?

uh idk anything but vanilla

🌸Tealights: Describe a romantic date perfect for you

aNYTHING IM SO EASY TO PLEASE but I mean a concert would be cool af

🌸Gardens: What’s the sweetest gift you’ve ever received?

Sadly not death- I mean uh idk

[sweetnestor]

Story of Another Us | Week 13

university au, platonic af, now on ao3!

previous chapter | masterlist | playlist

A long term plan with short term fixes

Having anxiety disorder means that sometimes you’re not able to do what you want. Sometimes you have to sacrifice things for your mental health. Sometimes it’s the other way around, but it’s not always for something you want. There are times where you have to sacrifice your mental health for necessary everyday things like answering the phone, going to the store, and even driving to places that make you deeply uncomfortable.

I wasn’t exactly sad that I was missing PAX East this year. While I did enjoy video games from time to time, and while I did support my boyfriend and what he did, conventions weren’t my scene. Okay, that’s somewhat of a lie. I really wanted to go, I just hated the method of transportation: flying.

Yeah… no. Being stuck in a small space in the air for an extended amount of time is absolutely terrifying. That single fear has made me turn down several opportunities. I couldn’t go to Playlist Live, I couldn’t collab with several major makeup brands, and I most definitely couldn’t go to any PAX.

Just driving the boys to the airport gave me heart palpitations and sweaty palms. I wasn’t even going on the plane, why did I have to be such a baby about it? I wasn’t even brave enough to go inside the damn building to see the boys off. I parked the car in one of the loading zones in front of the entrance and got out to say goodbye.

“You sure you’ll be fine?” asked Mark, who went to get the luggage out of the trunk.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it,” I replied, ignoring the disbelieving looks from Matt and Ryan. At least they saw me for what I was: a mess.

“Just call me if you need anything,” Mark told me. Things I’ve heard before. Things I probably wouldn’t do unless I was actually dying.

“Okay.” Empty promises.

The tension had gone down slightly over the last couple of weeks. Mark was okay with letting Jack live at my place, but Jack was still weirdly silent and tiptoeing around everything. I wondered how they would survive the weekend together. I wondered if any fans would notice the bad energy. I wondered if they would know it was my fault.

After getting out their luggage, Mark closed the trunk. “Okay, well. Our flight takes off soon, so we’d better get going.”

I went to hug my boyfriend, who was surprised at the gesture. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, giving me a little squeeze.

“I’ll miss you,” I told him sincerely.

“I’ll miss you too, babe.”

I let him go and then I hugged Jack goodbye. Again, he was strangely quiet, but I didn’t know what to say to him either. I couldn’t really say anything without fearing that Mark was going to give him shit about it. I didn’t want to send him off onto another fight with Mark. I was already worrying before they even left.

~

Almost as soon as I got back to Mark’s empty house, I got a phone call. At first, I thought that one of the boys had forgotten something, but then I looked at the caller ID. It was Sophie, which was a little shocking. I rarely spoke to her outside of YTU, and I did not have the energy or courage to answer, so I left my phone face down on the counter and went to tend to Chica.

The afternoon was spent playing with my boyfriend’s dog and then editing my latest video in my boyfriend’s room. Chica sat at my feet, chewing on a bone. That was the only noise throughout the house, aside from the voices of myself and Jack on the computer.

Watching back the footage of me and Jack was rather entertaining. You wouldn’t think that there was something else going on behind the scenes. You couldn’t tell that we were feeling guilty or sad. In fact, this was a side of me that my audience rarely saw.

The Bella Santiago in this bleaching/hair dyeing tutorial was smiling. She was enjoying herself, she was laughing with her friend. She wasn’t ranting about politics or equality, or sweating from getting so fired up. I couldn’t remember the last time I was so upbeat in a video. It was strange.

“Now, I haven’t bleached or styled hair in a while. So if you end up bald, then forgive me.”

“Should I be worried, then? You’re actually Googling how to do this!”

“Shhh, no te preocupes, I just have to refresh my memory.”

The whole video was just banter. Two friends laughing together and having fun. Of course, the Internet was going to take it differently, but we had that coming regardless. There was always going to be someone who hated me for being around Jack and someone who wanted me to replace his current girlfriend. That’s just how this life was. There wasn’t much that could be done about it.

I kept editing until I had to take Chica outside. It was nearly dark by then, and I had a sudden spike of energy. I was scrolling through my phone, rapidly going through my Twitter feed. I was singing to myself too, something I was listening to in the car on the way back from the airport. Then I saw a promoted tweet for Demi Lovato’s latest single, Stone Cold. I was humming that to myself for a good while. Then, I figured, I had the house to myself, and Mark had a guitar and keyboard here somewhere.

I brought Chica back inside and then got right to work. I dashed through the house, grabbing lights and a camera. I set them up in front of the couch in the living room, all while warming up my voice. Finally, I grabbed the guitar from Mark's room and practically ran downstairs to my recording area.

Ironically, I didn't start with Stone Cold. I was playing a different song, Airplanes, on the guitar, and next thing I knew I was singing it.

“Most of my life, I sat on my hands I don't make a sound Getting it right, I made all my plans Lost, never found”

Somehow I always found a song that I could relate to. It was the only way I could express my feelings without outwardly talking about them. I didn't know how to name my emotions either, according to Helena, so singing songs was a healthy outlet.

“Airplanes cut through the clouds Like angels can fly, we'll never die Sirens cut through the night Like screams set on fire, rising up high I've got something to prove, nothing to lose In this city, in this city, oh”

When I finished that song, I was in a different mood. I set the guitar aside and went to stop recording. Thinking, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and looked through my music. I had to find something. Anything for me to attach whatever I was feeling to. I started tapping my foot anxiously, and nearly jumped when I found the song I needed. If I could sprint while carrying expensive camera equipment, I would have. I was careful but quick going back up the stairs to where the keyboard was in Mark’s room.

“Okay, okay, okay,” I whispered, my mind buzzing so hard I couldn’t properly focus. “Okay, okay, new shirt, new shirt, okay, okay…”

I yanked off my grey tee shirt and put on a black crop top. Then I went over to make sure the camera was recording and that the lights were on. Everything was set, so I took my place at the keyboard and played the song.

I sang. I made it through a Little Mix cover before I started shaking. Then I made it through my Demi Lovato cover and everything was fine until it wasn’t. We all know that was bound to happen.

~

“Bella Santiago, age twenty three, admitted to psych after having a two hour long panic attack and a psychotic episode,” reported a nurse to a doctor.

Surely I had to be sedated. There were two people talking about me right in front of my face and I didn’t feel the dull ache in my chest or the flipping of my stomach. I just lied there in bed and listened, keeping my eyes fixed on my feet. I was itching at my arms incessantly but I was generally complacent and well behaved.

“How are you feeling, Ms. Santiago?” asked the woman in the white lab coat, Dr. Starr.

Hmm, tough question. Too much pressure. My eyes widened as if she had asked me to murder someone.

“Well, let’s check your pulse,” she said, probably reading my ugly, unstable body language.

Hesitantly, I gave her my arm and she placed two fingers on my wrist. Fast. Panicky. Why couldn’t I be dead?

Once Dr. Starr saw my arm and the redness, she ordered for the nurse to prep me for some tests. Then she asked me if I was allergic to anything, or anything that could have caused this “rash.” I played dumb and said no. They were already prepping the medical stuff, so it was too late to mention that it was an anxiety thing. When situations got really drastic, I just scratched at my arms as if they were very itchy. It was rare, and for some reason, this was a drastic situation.

“Now, is there anyone you want us to call in the meantime?” Dr. Starr asked me once her medical talk with the nurses was over.

Mark. But he’s been in Boston for twenty four hours. He hasn’t had much time with his fans or his friends. I couldn’t take him away from that or have him worry. He was probably still mad at me too.

“No,” I replied shortly.

Dr. Starr tilted her head. “No family? Close friends?”

“I have no friends, and my family want nothing to do with me,” I mumbled, now pickin at my nails.

“Well, your family must be wondering where you are…”

“They haven’t wondered for five years.”

Uncomfortable silence.

“I see,” the doctor concluded. “Well, Ms. Santiago, can you tell me what were you doing before this happened?”

Here we go.

“Singing,” I replied. “Then I started panicking. I thought I was dying, or that I completely lost it.”

“Have you been hospitalized for panic attacks before?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Well, we’re going to be monitoring you for the next couple of days.”

I could only hope I would be out of here by Monday. I wasn’t even sure how bad I was anymore. Surely they wouldn’t make me tell them who to call. I wasn’t suicidal, I didn’t intentionally harm myself. This had happened before, and I was alone, then too. This wasn’t anything to worry about, right?

The nurse didn’t let me go on my phone. If it wasn’t for the TV, then I really would have lost it. I couldn’t be without some kind of distraction. I couldn’t even figure out what exactly made me go here. According to the people here at the hospital, I had a psychotic episode. Or maybe I told them that. I couldn’t really remember.

Blood was drawn from me a little bit later. Me, being me, I cried. Test results stated that I had no type of skin rash. It wasn’t until Dr. Starr got me out of bed and to a psychiatrist’s office within the hospital did I actually reveal that it was due to anxiety.

“How often does this happen?” the psychiatrist, Dr. Francis asked. “Have you ever gotten these itches treated before?”

“No, it almost never happens,” I replied. It was getting easier to talk to people around here. Maybe it was the sedation. Or the fact that he was qualified to handle me made it more comforting. “Last time I was in the hospital, I was itchy too, and it was because of anxiety.”

“Okay, well I can prescribe something for that. Maybe a low dosage since it happens rarely,” he said, writing on a clipboard.

Oh no, medication talk. I never wanted to take medication… says Bella, who has never had a mentally stable day of her life and wonders why.

“May I ask, why you didn’t have anyone call someone for you?” Dr. Francis had questions I did not want to answer. Why couldn’t he asked me about my maladaptive behaviors or something?

I hesitated. “I don’t have anyone.”

“No parents or siblings? A boyfriend, perhaps?”

I shook my head, avoiding eye contact.

Dr. Francis sighed. “Forgive me for being forward, Ms. Santiago. But I have a daughter who watches Markiplier.”

God fucking shit of a fuck.

“I’m not in danger of killing myself or harming myself or anything,” I said. “I don’t think there’s any reason to notify him. He’s on the other side of the country right now, anyway.”

“Do you feel like you would be bothering him if you told him?”

“He’s just so busy, and we just got over a fight we had. I want everything to stay perfect.”

“What exactly is he busy with right now, Bella?”

“He’s at a convention in Boston. He’s doing YouTube stuff, and I don’t like to interrupt him. Like, it’s just me and my anxiety again. It’s just repetitive and kind of unnecessary.”

Dr. Francis asked me more questions, and the more I talked, the more I realized how crazy I was sounding. Turns out, I wasn’t buying makeup because I loved makeup. I bought things to fill the sense of emptiness and dissatisfaction in my life. I sang excessively because I couldn’t bear the thought of facing my actual feelings head on. I wasn’t constantly tired from walking around campus, I was just severely depressed. I didn’t want to tell Mark I was in the hospital because he was busy, it was because I was depressed I felt like I wasn’t worth his time.

It’s not like I wasn’t aware of all of this, it was just a tough pill to swallow. And now because of it, I really did have to take pills. I had to make friends with a little lady called xanax.

When I went back to my room, the nurse let me go on my phone. I was cooperative and unproblematic, so I got a small privilege. I sent out a tweet talking about how productive I was the last couple of days, which wasn’t really a lie. After that, I checked my text messages. All of them were from Mark.

“We landed! How are you?” Sent at 3:04PM.

“Had a meeting, then went to dinner with the gang!” Attached was a picture of Mark, Jack, Matt, and Ryan. They were sat at a table in a restaurant with Bob, Mandy, Wade and Molly. Sent at 10:11PM.

“You’re awfully silent. Everything okay?” Sent at midnight.

Now it was time to lie. Well, sort of.

“Hi! Sorry for not replying!! I spent literally all day filming! I made three whole videos! I went to sleep right after haha hope you’re having fun at pax!!” Accompanied by several emojis so nothing seemed fishy.

I wasn’t lying. I did spend a majority of the day filming. I didn’t feel as nervous as I normally would have, thanks to the xanax. I had next to no problem giving my phone back to the nurse, not even waiting for a response from Mark. He was probably too busy to answer me anyway.

_______

next chapter

[secretlymadeoutofcups]

sooo ya hoe was tagged in this shit idk aye

1: are you named after someone : i dont think so buut if i was it was probably Morgan Freeman (cause my name is Morgan lol)

2. when is the last time you cried : like 24 hours ago when i found out that ATL left hopeless

3. do you like your handwriting : idk aye like it changes all the time lmao

4. what is your favorite lunch to eat : honestly?? a brownie and ice cream from the caf @ my school

5. do you have kids : maybe like if its w the right person

6. if you were another person, would you be friends with you : tbh?? idek like im annoying af lol

7. do you use sarcasm : all the time my dudes

8. do you still have your tonsils : nah

9. would you bungee jump : yes

10. what is your favorite kind of cereal : cocoa pops tbh

11: do you untie your shoes when you take them off : yes?? if u dont turn on ur location bih

12: do you think you’re a strong person : physically? ya. emotionally? sorta

13: what is your favorite ice cream flavour : MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP IF U DONT LIKE IT T U R N  O N  U R  L O C A T I O N

14: what is the first thing you notice about people : how their hair is styled or what theyre shoes are

15: red or pink : both ️

16: what is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself : how flat my ass looks in jeans lol

17: what color pants and shoes are you wearing now : some red boxers and no shoes cause im in bed lol

18: what was the last thing you ate : chocolate cake

19: what are you listening to right now : nothing lol

20: if you were a crayon, what color would you be: y e l l o w  

21: favorite smell : like this is gonna sound real weird but like, old lady perfume thats like all flowery and shit

22: who was the last person you spoke to on the phone : my friend, Nicoletta

23: favorite sport to watch : rugby cause im a proud New Zealander lol

24: hair color : this ugly ass gingery brown shit idk my friends say its the colour of soy noodles

25: eye color : honestly?? poo brown

26: do you wear contacts : nah

27: favorite food to eat : red liquorice ORRRR like roast bad or some shit idk bat is just really nics ok

28: scary movies or comedy : comedy is ok if its done right but i also am down for some indie horror shit lol

29: last movie you watched : Juno

30: what color of shirt are you wearing : a black appetite for destruction shirt lol

31: summer or winter : both fam im white so i get weird tan lines but im also samoan so i like bein warm (??)

32: hugs or kisses : both ngl

33: what book are you currently reading : nothing rn but te last one i read was ‘the adoration of Jenna Fox’ for english class lol

34: who do you miss right now : … …….. my one and only Na Jaemin ngl and also MCR

35: what is on your mouse pad : nada

36: what is the last tv program you watched : I think it was skins 

37: what is the best sound : the music in Lana Del Reys songs like that shits soothing af

38: rolling stones or the beatles : idk both??

39: what is the furthest you have ever traveled? : idk like from NZ to Samoa lol

40: do you have a special talent : nah

41: where were you born : New Zealand 

42: people you expect to participate in this : idk aye like if u see this just say i tagged u or some shit lolol

[hellofanimagination]

Masterlist as of 4/9/17

~Notes On My Writing Makes Me V Happy~

Bold=Contains Smut

Italics=Just Angst

(^)=Male Reader

($)=Threesome

(!)=Multiple Current Relationships (With the reader)

(+)=Basement AU

(*)=Punk AU

(@)=Danger Days AU

(%)=High School/College AU (or implies that they are younger)

(-)=Vampire AU

(&)=Parent/Pregnancy AU or involves kids (such as  Bandit)

(#)=Self Warm TW

Fall Out Boy:

Patrick:

Eternal Summer (%)

I Am Beautiful With You

Bad Trip, I Couldn’t Get Off

I Got Troubled Thoughts

I Would Sing You To Sleep

Lullabye (&)

Moan For Me

Blue Bubbles

Kisses on The Necks Of “Best Friends” (%)

Cause It’s Just Trust

Allie, I Was So Good Back Then

Take This To Your Grave

Cinderella She Seems So Easy

Pete:

It’s Not A Side Effect Of The Cocaine (^)

Andy:

Moving Pictures (&)

My Chemical Romance:

Gerard:

Urie’s House, 11 Tonight (%)

Don’t Go

I Need You

Please

Doctor Way

First Time (+)

Interview

^Part 2

Nicotine Kisses (*)

Hold Me

Study Date (*) (%)

Love Will Kill You (*) (%)

Too Fast (+)

Don’t Save Me (@)

Beautiful

Kiss Me You Animal

I Hate The Ending Myself (@)

Thief (@)

The Boys And Girls In The Clique (+) (%)

^ Parts 2 and 3

Not So Secret (@)

My Friends Blur (+) (%)

^Part 2

Dance, Dance (@)

You Belong To Me I Believe

Marry Me

Playground Eyes (#)

Blow Me..A Kiss (+)

They’ll Say It’s Not Worth It (+) (%)

Reinvent Love

Right Down To The Blood (*)

In A World Of Bad Dreams (-)

^Part 2

My Perfect Stranger (&)

Mama

In A Bullet’s Embrace (#)

Sounds Of Love-Notes

We Are The Dream (&)

Do It Now And Do It Loud

Young And Loaded (@)

A Love That’s So Demanding

^Part 2

What Are We Waiting For?

My Best Friend’s Brother

I Don’t Do ‘Parents’ (%) (*)

Remember When You And I Would Make Things Up? (&)

Protect Me From The Troubles Of My Own Skin (^) (#)

Hot For Teacher (%)

I Don’t Believe In Luck ($)

The World’s a Broken Bone (%) (+)

The World Is Ugly (#)

Everybody Wants To Know (%) (*)

It Was Always You (+)

Birthday Touches

Burnt Waffles Made With Love (&)

Don’t Bless Me Father For I Have Sinned

Blink Back To Let Me Know (%) (Fem!Gee)

Fight Me (Knight AU)

^Part 2

Tattoos Of Heroes Without Capes (@)

This Is How We Met, Cause We’re Fucking Nerds

We Will Stumble Through Heaven

I Can Make Your Heart Slow

Being Blue Is Better Than Being Over It

^Part 2

We Can Be Heroes (+)

I’ve Always Held My Doubts So Close To My Heart

Well There’s No Way I’m Kissing That Guy (-)

I Never Said I’d Lie And Wait Forever

This Is A Love Song In My Own Way

I’ve Got An Uncommon Love ($) (@) (!)

Can You Feel My Heart? (+)

In The Morning It Will All Be Better (+)

This Is The Best Day Ever

Bachelors For Bad Luck Girls (%)

I Want You In My Life

Only You (Asexual!Reader)

Dirty Little Secret (+)

I Promise You This

Lips Pressed Close To Mine

Sleeping Beauty

Without A Sound

If You Look In The Mirror And Don’t Like What You See (+)

Tell Me I’m A Bad Man ($)

Keep Running (@)

Cold On This Inside (^)

Such A Happy Mess

Throwing Stones At A Glass Moon (@) (&)

Follow Me Down (%)

We Spark and We Fade (Vampire Hunters AU)

Thin Line Between A Good And A Bad Idea

The Pros And Cons Of Breathing (#)

I Found The Cure To Growing Older (%)

Houston We’re Going Down (@)

Until You’ve Had Yourself A Hurricane

Spooky Scary And Drunk AF

Unashamed (^)

Comback Of The Year

Hesitant Alien

This Is How I Disappear

Don’t Wanna Fall In Love (*)

Shut Me Up

Frank:

Sweet Fun (@)

Hold A Lover Close (*) (%)

A Kiss And I Will Surrender

Say I Like You, And We Can Get Out

Promises That We’ll Make

I Don’t Believe In Luck ($)

Let’s Get These Teen Hearts Beating. Faster, Faster

Back To The Street Where We Began

I’ve Got An Uncommon Love ($) (@) (!)

Sometimes We Take Chances

Bruises On Your Thighs

Imaginary Wedding Gown (&)

Tell Me I’m A Bad Man ($)

Can’t Help Falling In Love

Mikey:

Stressed Out

Kiss And Tell

All My Feelings Exposed (^)

Let Me See Your Moves

You Can Have My Heart

Summer Time (^)

Adore

My Heart Is Yours (%)

Ray:

They Say Quitters Never Win

No Pairing:

Takes One To Know One

Untitled (Submission)

Not Another Boy Band (Genderfluid!Gee)

Hesitantly Me (Reader is Gee’s sister)

Panic! At The Disco:

Ryan:

I’d Do It All Again. I Think You’re My Best Friend

Milkshake Smiles (%)

^Part 2

I Just See The Sky

Girl, I’m Just Impressed With Your Face (Artist!Ryan)

Where Can I Go When I Want You Around (Prince!Ryan)

Nearly Witches

Another Observation (Agender!Ryan)

It’s Nice To Think You Are Always Wanted

Shh…It’s A Secret

You Rattle My Bones

She Had The World ($) (!)

Film The World Before It Happens (!)

Supernatural:

Dean:

Bear Bottles and Gun Shots

Beach Trip

Promise?

You’re My Dream

Chocolate Kisses

Game Over

Nothing To Write Home About (%) (!)

Sam:

5 Seconds Of Sam (%)

Mad At Nothing (!)

Sleep, Love

Castiel:

Learning

Let’s Just Pretend

Other

Midday Naps (%) (Kellin Quinn Imagine)

Emo? Emo. (%) (Dan Howell Imagine)

Young Love As Sweet As Can Be (%) (Dan x Reader x Phil)

More Than You Bargained For (Dan x Reader x Phil)

Zero To Hero (Tyler Oakley Imagine)

Magic In The Midnight Sun (Brandon Flowers Imagine)

You Stole My Head (Dallon Weekes Imagine)