#just casually use tumblr as a diary

[toxicjayhoo]

I see alot of hate for Tik tok on here, and while I do agree to an extent I also really enjoyed parts of it.

That being said, it most definitely rewires your brain and keeps you on for hours on end and you do get some kind of dependence for dopamine because of it.

I deleted the app from my phone last night because despite the much needed serotonin I got from it and the relstionships that were created thanks to it, it's also taken a major toll on my mental health.

The second the app was uninstalled I swear I felt a giant weight lift off my body.

But here I am this morning, and my first instinct is to click the space where tiktok was on my homepage (which I've replaced with tumblr lmfao).

I truly didn't realize to what extent the app had taken over my life 🙃 (I mean sort of because if not I wouldn't have deleted the app but yknow)

Anyways thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

[i-need-help-this-is-my-obsession]

December 9th

Stuck at home with a broken ankle... might write another chapter of 'The Real Me'. I also might finally make up my mind about which zombie apocalypse X-Men AU to write. Or I might be slightly out of it from the painkillers for the next couple of days. Don't know, but I'll try and update when I decide on a course of action.

[antisocialxconstruct]

okay I've been thinking about this poll all day and. I have some thoughts lmao

Obviously we all know a tumblr poll is not exactly a reliable way to do a demographic survey and of course you're disproportionately going to get responses from active rebloggers because... the people who don't reblog aren't going to reblog your poll, are they? BUT I do think there's something to be said for the evidence that people currently active on tumblr are disproportionately people who have been on tumblr a long time, and trying to lay the issue of declining engagement at the feet of "new users" not understanding site etiquette is... well, flattening a more complex issue (gasps of shock and horror). So I've been thinking about other things that could explain the supposed issue people are identifying:

new users who don't know site etiquette: okay yes, I'll admit that it IS A Thing. I have seen the very very small sampling of people who recently joined and didn't think reblogging was "for" them for whatever reason--they think it's rude to reblog from someone you don't know, or they feel obligated to add something insightful to every reblog, or whatever else. But I also don't think people realistically operate under these misunderstandings for very long. All you have to do is use the site for a while and follow a few different people to realize no one else is abiding by those kinds of rules, and people who want to be active and engage with other blogs will start doing it pretty fast.

a lot of early users left: there have been a few waves of people leaving tumblr for various reasons, especially the porn ban and various other Bad Decisions made since then, and also some people just migrated to other social media sites that suited their needs better or aged out of their interest in fandom/blogging/etc. Some of the people who used to most actively use tumblr the way you think is "correct" may just not be around anymore.

shifting demographics: I know tumblr used to be almost exclusively associated with fandom, but you have to accept that there are a lot of people doing a lot of different things here now. Some people are treating it like a diary, or a dev log, or just a place to be really obsessed with something singular and niche. They may enjoy your work, but if it's not what their blog is for, they're not going to put it on their blog.

larger numbers don't translate 1:1 into more interaction: I can tell you this one from extensive personal experience. After a certain threshold, your follower count, the size of a fandom, the overall userbase of the site, none of it actually means a proportional number of new people engaging with your work. You will have a stable base of established fans/followers who have stuck around long enough to be invested, and an occasional new person who discovers your work and is enthusiastic, but for every one of those there will be five, ten, twenty tourists and casual enjoyers who might like to see what you make but don't resonate with it enough to directly respond to it. (Double that ratio again if you're asking for money.) Expecting all or most of them to make the switch to active fans will drive you nuts.

you're confusing interaction you want with interaction you "should" be getting: look. Nobody wants to hear this one. But is your engagement actually bad or are you just not reaching your desired audience? This could mean any number of things, if you're trying to build a presence or start a career, are you posting at peak hours? Are you posting in a way that's accessible to people? Are you using relevant tags, doing enough self promotion? It's grueling. People want to be so proud of how tumblr has no algorithm and no influencers so you have to accept that you're playing on hard mode. Alternatively, if what you want is a cozy, close-knit fan community, are you cultivating that? Are you engaging with other people's work with the energy you expect from them? Are you starting conversations and respecting boundaries? These communities don't just spring into being organically, they have to be fostered and maintained.

[asherlockstudy]

I'm a new Rhett and Link fan and saw your post about your thoughts on the 40 years friendship Ear Biscuit episode and I was wondering if you could explain Link reaching his limit with the plexi glass kiss and suddenly turning their world upside down?

I'm so fascinated by the story of their friendship but I'm still not caught up on everything that's happened over the years so when I saw you mention that I was really curious of what happened

“Reaching his limit and turning their world upside down” is of course part of my own theory and speculation.

This too however is based on actual facts.

I am referring to what happened after the notorious Newsical plexiglass kiss, around the late fall of 2013. In case you are very new and haven’t watched this episode, first of all WATCH this episode. But if you know, well to refresh your memory, they re-enact some funny newspaper article as a musical and in the end the character played by Rhett (a female) invites Link’s character to a kiss. You could absolutely tell that this was genuinely an improvisation by Rhett, perhaps he had thought it already, but he caught Link entirely off guard. They share a fake kiss through plexiglass and Link, despite it being a gimmick, is a changed man afterwards. It was so evident, so strong that ALL the comments are about it, people, even casuals, even heterobros saying Link was reevaluating his entire sexuality there.

Fast forward many years later, during Link’s spiritual deconstruction, he decided to read an entry from his diary. This particular entry was his last where he was speaking to Jesus (Link used to maintain a relationship/ communication to Jesus almost literally) and he was finalising this spiritual connection, saying he wasn’t able to do it anymore and he was about to continue his life by cutting his ties to religion and Jesus. All fine so far.

The key is that one good soul here on tumblr took note of the date of this very entry (Link disclosed it himself obviously). And… it was the day right after the one the Newsical episode was released. So Link wrote he couldn’t do it anymore and had to cut his ties to Christianity and Jesus the day after the episode where he kisses Rhett is released. Which means he probably watched it, revisited the memory and then was struck with thousands of comments saying he was rethinking his sexuality after kissing Rhett. And then he wrote that final farewell entry to Jesus.

Which might be a coincidence that these two things happened one after the other within 24 hours or so but it would be ONE HELL of a coincidence if you ask me.

Then after that slowly slowly they both start changing, they become more touchy feely and hearteyed with each other, then of course we have the Puzzle video by late 2015, almost two years later, and soon after that things start getting straight out horny.

So yeah it’s just a theory that Link had enough and really took matters into his hands and then there was a fast development of events after that, but given the context provided, is it that wild of a theory? 🤔

I am not really asking. Just��� food for thought.

[gatheredfates]

Oh my goodness, I can't believe we're here! This is the FIRST Compendium update for Dawntrail! ☀️ In the end I didn't need the extra weekend off; I just put this together in-between trusts (don't judge me).

I hope everyone is having a fantastic time with the new expansion. I am especially excited to see how this document expands as I find new things in its advent, so please let me know if you make/find anything interesting!

While I don't think the Compendium will have anything pertaining to spoilers, I will try to note where resources/communities contain them going forward. Resources may update without me knowing, however; please do your best to engage with content keeping the possibility of spoilers in mind. Thanks!

With that said, however, as of today (07/06), the following resources have been added to Sea's Community Compendium for XIV Creatives.

LARGE SCALE

XIV Modding — In the online game known as FINAL FANTASY XIV, modifications usually fall under the “tools”, “mods” and “plugins” categories. The purpose of this wiki is to provide a semi-comprehensive breakdown of the existing tools & ways to mod the game cosmetically, ie visuals, audio & other on-screen assets.

*Please note: Modding is a direct violation of the games ToS and discussion of it in game will earn you a ban. Its inclusion in the Compendium is for collection purposes; I am not responsible for what you do with the tools should you download them.

FRIEND / CASUAL SERVER

A Walk Across Etheirys — We are a group of friends, and story-lovers, who have chosen to make the slow journey through every zone of FFXIV we can! We take these walks by expansion, remembering them for what they were and what they meant to us, and aim to add new ones as they arise.

LORE

A Comprehensive List of Halonic Swears — For your Ishgardian fanfiction and lore reference. Created by @rosestarart.

SEAFLOOR

We're a Tumblr Community now! For people unfamiliar with the concept of Communities, I encourage you to check out the tumblr post by staff made about them here. However, copy/pasting what I have written in the Compendium, the Community functions as so:

SEAFLOOR (A FFXIV Community) is a Tumblr community whose duel-purpose focuses on my projects — the Compendium, question drives and screenshot events — whilst also reblogging member created works, resources (including events, commissions and looking for content/roleplay/free company posts), affirmations and other xiv-related content. If you are interested in supporting my projects without the social aspect of a Discord, I highly encourage you to join the Community. Everything hosted on the Discord will be cross-posted there; you will not miss out on anything. As Communities are still in beta, members need to be manually invited. If you would like to join, please like the tumblr post here. Once Communities are out of beta, I will remove this section to better reflect its true public status.

I'm hoping the Community will function as a member-curated dash, resource hub and visual diary for my projects and member created works. There are no hard feelings if you want to leave the Discord and only join the Community. Please do what makes you comfortable!

Want to submit? You can either fill out the google form here or send me an ask with the relevant information!

Is my space suitable for the Compendium? Most of the time, yes! Below the read more is some more information/stipulations. Again, all the below information is accessible on the document! 🌻

Below are the following things I do not accept on the Compendium:

Personal/Single-Character LFC ads.

Content intended for or can be used for bullying, harassment and OOC gossip. E.g. ‘Secrets’ blogs, receipts, callout posts, etc. This does not include in-character tabloid blogs used to generate RP.

Communities that do not have an RP/writing element (large-scale exempt).

Anything I find personally distasteful or goes against the spirit of this project.

Common-sense rule applies.

FAQ.

I want to put my community on the compendium but we have an application process. Is this okay?

Yes! Just note somewhere in your application that's a requirement. The only thing that is mandatory for the Compendium is that you must be open to new members or have a public-facing/accessible facet. There's no point advertising a community if no one can join it in some way!

I want to put my community on the compendium but I only have x number of members —

Also totally okay! People don't start with large communities. Activity is a must but, whether your server has two or two thousand members, if you're looking for new people to join, I'd love to help you find people.

I want to put my community on the compendium but I worry its too niche?

Okay, and? If your Eorzean Fishing Alliance has four members but you roleplay every second weekend, I still want to know about it.

What resources/communities can I add if I'm not the owner of them?

Mutual consent is extremely important to me, so anything that isn't a large-scale community OR a publicly accessible resource must be endorsed by the owner/admin/moderators in order to be added to the compendium. I operate under the assumption that a resource posted to a public space (tumblr, googledocs, youtube, etc) is open to all. A large-scale community is one with a significant member count or openly advertises itself as being accessible to everyone for whatever purpose it serves. If in doubt, please get in touch with me. I'm happy to contact your community owners for you!

How active does a community need to be?

If you find a community has not been active in about two/three months, send me a message and I'll take a look at it. Communities have ebbs and flows, especially event spaces that may take hiatuses depending on member interest/life events. I'm not strict in my implementation provided a space isn't dead. If a link or anything is broken, absolutely contact me about that.

I have [insert a question not stated here]?

No drama! Send me an ask or use the #Compendium channel in my Discord!

[cat-eclipse-m]

intro/masterpost

BIO>>>

NAMEZ?: michael/mike/mikey, karim stone (not my real name lols), myekari, gweb (nickname only the specials can call me >:3)

NATIONALITY+RACE?: british, eurasian (europian+asian)

SEXUALITY/GENDER?: ace+demi, transmasc/demiboy

PRONOUNZ?: meow/star/xe/it or they/he/she (for simplicity's sake, star/they)

LIKEZ?: the arts, generally (includes music, drama, art, etc), soft plushies, fidget items, baggy clothing

AESTHETIC?: my fav aesthetic gotta b scene/grunge with a mix of neon but i normally wear casual/streetwear

STAR SIGN?: pisces... yeah man im vry sensitive

TUMBLR @???: cat-eclipse-m, previously gweb-is-dead. i wanted my new handle to be a play on words, and i chose "cataclysm", so... cat... eclipse... m!!!! also cz i like kitties and the moon (nighttime is the BEST time)

PET PEEVEZ?: when ppl talk over you/interupt u in the MIDDLE of a convo, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE HYPERFIXATING!!! LIKE BRO??

MELTZ ME: things that make me go gooey inside include things like when ppl tell me they got something for me and its something they KNOW i'd like when i've never told them. reading the lil signs makes me so happy :3

~ i use :3 XD X3 XP :P etc a lot and unironically heeheef // helpful when using tonetags like /j /srs /sarc so yk thx ^3^

~ i have adhd (mixed) and i used to be medicated (not anymore!!! i've escaped the shackles >:3)

WOAOAHIA - me when my friends/mutuals reblog my posts;

~ personas importantés ~ (MOOTz)>>>

~ @27-cats-in-a-trenchcoat

~ @moku-and-his-madness

~ @radioactive-mammothade

~ @buffporcupine

~ @howlctts

~ @just-type-it

~ @555cat

~ @tinybitofhope

~ @agentldiddy

~ @fartcowboy

~ @aspenii

are my posts viewer friendly? well... they can include;

~ suicide/suicidal ideation

~ self-harm/scars/bruises/cuts/physical trauma

~ gore/blood/gutz

~ murder/violence/weaponry

~ harsh language/profanity

~ suggestive??? <(by this i mean i culd post abt shirtless gay men wait wh-)(i nver post straight up NSFW/nudity btw,)

OBSESSIONS; (COLOURCODE: WEBTOONS // VIDEO FORM MEDIA // HOBBIES)

kill the dragon (ktd), one coin clear (occ), my s class hunters (msch), school bus graveyard (sbg), clinic of horrors (coh), hand jumper (hj), interpretation of the shadows (iots), bugtopia/monsters n girls (idolomantises), not so slient (nss), jackson's diary (j'sd/jd), batman: wayne family adventures (b:wfa), nerd and jock (with olga + tiger) (naj+ot), marionetta, potion witch (pw), silent screams (ss), winter before spring (wbs), between the branches (btb)

helluva boss/hazbin hotel (hellaverse), arcane

drawing, listening 2/creating/writing music (lyrics), making comics (sometimes), animating every so often

MASTERPOSTS BELOW!!!;

SONGSCRIPTS MASTERPOST

RANDOMS/SONA STUFF

MY OWN WIP WEBTOON

FANDOMS MASTERPOST

HOLIDAEZ XD

thkxs guys, love you <3

[krakenkakes]

OMORI OC/NPC DASHBOARD SIMULATOR (pt 1??)

idk we just did this for fun or whatever. the usernames were bitches to come up with iidc if they're trash atp ,, just sillying

🍞 bowenbaker Follow

Please stop by down to our little bakery in Faraway Town,we sell very nice bread. Please I need money immediately

✨ thealmightymaverick Follow

I swear to the great heavens above this isn't how you promote a business.

🍞 bowenbaker Follow

Come start work here and promote it yourself then.

✨ thealmightymaverick Follow

no

🍞 bowenbaker Follow

pussy.

✨ thealmightymaverick Follow

?????????? HEY???

(10 notes)

☕ tealeaves Follow

woodlice infestation again:(

✨ thealmightymaverick Follow

pardon??? again???

☕ tealeaves Follow

again:(

🍫 arielgarciaoffical Follow

the woodlicerrrrrr

☕ tealeaves Follow

I went to nap for 2 hours and Ariel Garcia has somehow blown up my unimportant Tumblr rant. sigh

(4,380 notes)

hotwheelz 🔁 tentacool

| Anonymous asked

🐚 tentacool Follow

PLEASE JUSTE LEAVE ME ALONE

#IVE RECIEVED 20 IMAGES OF THEIS SMAE SKULL IN MY ASKS <- og tag #rbs #op might be going through it #this is hilarious #thanks anon #20???

(20 notes)

🍭 hotwheelz Follow

happy 3 month anniversary of when someone logged into my Tumblr and changed my username to hotwheelz and nothing else. I've kept it because it's too good to lose

🦜somewhereovertherainbow Follow

btw op is apart of a gang irl please block

🍭 hotwheelz Follow

huhwhat. who even is this

(47 notes)

arielgarciaoffical 🔁 thealmightymaverick

✨ thealmightymaverick Follow

Just got so excited I threw up do my adoring followers ever do this also. of course you do I'm such an amazing idol that people can relate to!!!

✨ thealmightymaverick Follow

I think I hauve mental illness

#yeah you do #seek help this isn't normal

(203 notes)

🧁 candyland Follow

I really hate working I hate my job

🧁 candyland Follow

stuop reblogging this I think my boss has Tumblr it might be over

(10,204 notes)

🥖 daphnebaker Follow

Was it casual when we used to sneak out and have picnics under the moon with nothing but a hardly lit lamp and eachother. Was it casual when you stayed by my side despite the things I wrote about you in my diary, even though you never actually found out about it. Was it casual when you held my hand when no one was around and told me you loved me all the time.

🖌️ beauberries Follow

oh my!

🔮 crystallizedballs Follow

uhm girlie no it wasn't are you like actually genuinely OKAY.

✨ thealmightymaverick Follow

I BEG YOUR SINCERE PARDON. WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED!?

(14 notes)

🍬 dinogummies Follow

patsta🤤🤤

✨ thealmightymaverick Follow

true!!!!!!

🍭 hotwheelz Follow

true!

☕ tealeaves Follow

true...

🐚 tentacool Follow

very very true!

🥖 daphnebaker Follow

true!!

🍞 bowenbaker Follow

true!!!

🍫 arielgarciaoffical Follow

TRUE!!!

✨ thealmightymaverick Follow

reblog this post for patsta ❤️

🍬 dinogummies Follow

fuck yeah!

(8,579 notes)

beauberries 🔁 kaleidoscopes

🌈 kaleidoscopes Follow

Katie your outfit to colourful your shoes too swag, they'll kill you!

🧁 candyland Follow

WHAT who is THEY.

🌈 kaleidoscopes Follow

god forbid women have hobbies

#this made me laugh out loud #who is they will be in my vocab for the next week #god forbid!!!! #rbs #i thimk I know both of these guys. also

(28 notes)

[barking]

honestly tumblr has been such an emotional drain and often aggressively negative place for me for 2 or 3 years now, which is an unsurprising shame because i have been here since 2011 and enjoy the casual friendships. and also when i have used it as a sort of diary. its so much to keep up with as truly social media now though, especially now with this paranoid/RSD bullshit. this doesnt really warrant an official announcement because im not gonna be totally gone but i do need to make a concerted effort to just. stop using it mostly lol. i have so much going on irl to keep up with anyways, and i hate my frankly unhealthy attachment to this damn place. cringe but honest!

[traumatizedjaguar]

how do you tell if someone you love is a narcissist and what to do?

First I’m confused on why you’re asking this question and exactly what you are looking for? Some people have asked me bc they tell me they’re living with an abuser so that’s how I’m going to take your question…

If that’s the case and you have an abuser you’re living with and you can’t get away yet I don’t exactly have any good advice other than the usual we survivors always tell each other:

leave when it’s safest

keep everything low key and secret from your abusers such as passwords, accounts and users, jobs you’re working, etc.

Don’t leave papers with your passwords and usernames written down laying around your bedroom if you’re living with an abuser

!!! Lemme add: I used to write down on paper fake usernames and fake passwords and I’d leave it on my desk or in a drawer easy to find so my abusers wouldn’t know my actual accounts and passwords !!!

grey rock technique is always useful

And you can’t control how people perceive you when you’re being smear campaigned, so it’s best not to care about it and do your best with your life for yourself

Look for local DV shelters

Also do t leave journals or diaries laying around, I keep an online diary password locked

I’m posting a master-post soon about how to do your best living with abusers still in your life based on techniques and other things I’ve used to help myself deal with abusers. I’m almost done with it. It’s kind of based off one persons experience I.e. my own lol and everyone’s experience with abusers is unique. So some of what I say might not work for you, some will.

I can’t use words like narcissism on tumblr when talking about abusers, although about 6 of my abusers actually had NPD, ASPD, other stuff and Conduct Disorder (some were flying monkeys who abused me) and these disorders certainly impacted how they behaved with me (using fire to harm people, abusing animals, bullying, physical cruelty, sexually abusive both coercively and violently, excessive lying issues and manipulation, deceitfulness, justifying harming others, vandalism of property, conning, severe possessiveness and jealousy issues, lacking in remorse and care).

It’s common for psychological abusers to have “gangs” of others just like them/same personality and behaviors. Which is why you often see them together in numbers behind the scenes.

It’s best to use the word abuser or psychological abuser instead at least that’s what I do on my tumblr account as not to cause uproar. But you can still be honest about how their symptoms impacted you, as I still talk about it too.^

Idk if this person you’re referring to is someone abusive, someone you wish to keep in your life, or someone you’re just trying to help?

You can’t help abusers nor should you try, I’ve been there with all of my abusers and it’s a bad cycle to stay in. Don’t try to get them help if they’re abusive, just leave when you can. Grey Rock everyday. Please never try to stay and help an abuser.

——————————————

If they’re a loved one who isn’t an abuser (rarely have people asked me it this way ahhh):

Then it’s best to just bring up the disorder casually instead of accusatory.

Like say you’re interested in psychology and want to share what you’ve learned and you can go over the symptoms like, “such an interesting disorder I have been learning about!” And then go over the symptoms more so in depth with examples of how the symptoms can manifest and see if they start thinking about it as “huh I do that?” That way you don’t make it sound accusatory, but instead you are just casually talking about a subject!

That’s all I can come up with unless you have specific questions or specific needs? I’m not the best with advice but we’ll see hah

[prettygirls-grave]

⇢ ˗ˏˋ welcome ࿐ྂ

this is my blog! i'm not an experienced tumblr user, so trust the processes. i think will use this blog for just a creative outlet for things like my opinions, experiences, tips, guides, (more for myself but if you like them, enjoy!) photos, and whatever else.

basically a digital diary.

my interests are really vast, and i just need somewhere to dump everything. this might turn into my masterlist once i develop my account, but below will just be my interests and links to my accounts.

enjoy as much as you can <3

https://www.pinterest.com/prettygirlsgrave2/

https://open.spotify.com/user/dbfjxqhl2t787xbauj3pk6glq?si=441106e6592c4485

here's just a list of everything i like that i can think of right now, which will be in the tags.

music- the smiths, lana del rey, the cure, sisters of mercy, joy division, morrissey, pixies, lou reed, billy idol, tv girl, new order, jeff buckley, siouxie and the banshees, radiohead, slowdive, the sundays, crystal castles, mazzy star, and cocteau twins.

i listen to many more artists ofc, and if u check my spotify you'll see! these are my favorite artists, and i listen to a lot of others more casually. i loooooove music and i really want to expand my taste and knowledge of it. some genres i like are post punk, new wave, alternative, rock, synthwave/darkwave, glam rock, french music, goth, indie pop, dream pop, brit pop, (the brits have the best music istg) and permanent wave.

film/shows: watching the detectives, marie antoinette, girl interrupted, sunburn (1999), closer, dead poets society, black swan, the x files, gilmore girls, freaks & geeks, roswell (1999?), little women, and probably more.

i have SOOO many movies on my watchlist, and i'll make seperate post eventually. i love sofia coppola!! my favorite actors are natalie portman, christian bale, cillian murphy, matt dillon, kirsten dunst, chloe sevigny, and ana karina.

random- i'm really interested in literature, (reading everything, history, basically anything involved) history, (i don't like wars tho) art, fashion, music, and writing. i'm so passionate about all of these but i've never really put much effort into pursuing my interests. my favorite book is the secret history, i can talk about it for houuurrrrsss. i love love love writing, and i'd like to have a career involving these things. i'm very passionate about being an individual and self expression. i have a lot of niche little aesthetic and interests that will probably been revealed as this blog evolves.

i'm also interested in self improvement, manifesting, and actually getting myself to do things lol.

idk if this will reach many people, but if we seem similar, dm and follow me <3 i'm really looking for likeminded people. sorry this was long but there's a lotttttt

∗ ࣪ ˖༺ ♡ ༻˖ ࣪ ∗

[celaenaeiln]

Ok this is random, and all but I have made it my sworn duty to submit at least 3 questions a week, and it's like a minute before the end of this week. Have you ever been in a harry Potter phase, because I saw you use it as a reference for one post about happy robin, and also because I'm stumped on what to ask you and I DO NOT want to break my record

I HAD A HUGE HARRY POTTER PHASE!!

Harry Potter was my first book series ever actually and I just completely fell in love with it. Batfam came much later but the longest ongoing fandom I've ever been in is the Harry Potter now. I haven't been in it for about a year now but wow it was my first fandom ever. I used to read dramione fics on wattpad lol my first fanfiction introduction.

I was a massive hermione stan so I read a bunch of fics about her. My favorite pairing used to dramione but as I grew older I started falling into tomione (^◇^；) but really I was casual hermione x everyone shipper.

I even did the pottermore thing too online where you can quiz yourself to see what house, wand, and patronus you get and I got slytherin which didn't come as a surprise at all. At the time I thought it was so cool to be part of the evil house lol. I was such an embarrassing kid looking back.

Actually I originally created my tumblr account to see dramione stuff lol before I started getting into other fandoms and it became my fall back fandom when I was bored with the other ones or did want to engage with them.

I didn't really have a second favorite character after Hermione, I don't think Dumbledore deserves to be hated for being manipulative, and wtf is going on with the cursed child.

Writing this is giving me so many flashbacks it makes me want to start reading the fics again! It's also 1 of only 6 fandoms I've ever created a separate list of fics for because I really loved the source thing.

My favorite class was Charms because I thought it would be the most useful too. Don't want to make your bed? Magic! Don't want to clean the kitchen? Magic! Want to redecorate? Magic!!! Charms is so versatile that you can use it for anything. If voldemort was smarter he would've magicked his face to look normal using Charms, approached harry, and killed him. Voila! Problem solved! But I guess he lost his brains along with his beauty sadly but not unfortunately.

I heard there's a new Marauders movie coming out?? I wasn't going to watch it but then I saw people shipping James Potter and Regulus Black together because of it and now I want to see it only out of sheer bewilderment of what could've possibly led to that. Or so I tell myself.

The Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them!! I LOVED the movie series!!! The first two were really good and third was okay but all that doesn't matter because the graphics. Unpopular opinion but I really loved the original Percy Jackson movies even though they were nothing like the books because the graphics were so cool. Action movies are my favorite so seeing columns of water rise up and seeing how real it looked, it was like a fantasy turned reality! The Harry Potter and Fantastic Beasts movie series, I fell in love watching them because of the magic.

Which is hilarious now because I used to be scared of watching the Harry Potter movies! When my parents watched the first movie and I was really little I would hide because I was really scared of Voldemort and felt really sad about Harry losing his parents and the thought of it made me cry 😅🙈

But yeah Harry Potter is like number 2 biggest fandom for me right after the Batfam although it used to be number one. I have a fleeting interest span. So if I'm addicted to a show but I don't watch it for a few days, I lose all interest in it completely and forever (sorry Vampire Diaries) or a game (goodbye sky: children of the light) but these two fandoms, I can not be in them for several months or even years but I never lose interest. Just my love for them ig!

[thelowcalcalzonezone]

hello! welcome to a very long introduction post!

first things first: why am i here?? 

to be honest, i have no idea but i’m excited anyway- my roommate @crokitheloki convinced me to get on tumblr and mainly i’m thinking i’m gonna use it to post random thoughts/memes/maybe some art or writing or videos. I also just like makin cool friends (: 

who are you? 

I'm a college student studying Design for Drama!

what do you like to do? 

I love writing fiction (usually sci-fi, fantasy, screenplays, occasionally fanfic), drawing, painting, video editing (usually edits of my fave characters), baking (cookies, cakes, and pie!), watching movies/shows, listening to film scores, fun makeup/outfits, dancing, singing (not v good but i enjoy it lol)

what are your fandoms/favorites? 

shows: Fleabag, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, The Good Place, Community, Parks and Rec, Schmigadoon, Game Changer, Mythic Quest, Broadchurch, Endeavour: Morse, Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries, The Great British Bake Off, Once Upon a Time, Sex Education, Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure, Mrs.America, Only Murders in the Building, She-Ra, Taskmaster

movies: 101 Dalmatians (1961), Beauty and the Beast, Fantastic Mr. Fox, Moonrise Kingdom, Little Women (2019), Cinderella, Tangled, Coco, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, The Princess Diaries 1 & 2, Enchanted, The Parent Trap (1961), Booksmart, Finding Nemo, Anastasia, The Sound of Music, Inside Out, Rogue One, Up, Promising Young Woman, Everything Everywhere All at Once, The Mitchells vs The Machines, Spiderman: Far From Home, Loving Vincent, Chocolat, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Palm Springs, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

miscellaneous fandoms: Marvel, Disney Movies, Disney Parks, Disneybounding, Pixar, Star Wars (very casual), Percy Jackson/Heroes of Olympus (been a while), Barbie Movies

lookin forward to finding some cool peeps and talkin about fun stuff with y’all (:

[rjalker]

Murderbot fandom Challenge 2023 challenge #1: Escaped large animal on the station

Word count: 3,101

Summary: Somehow, an animal native to Preservation gets loose on Preservation Station. Fortunately, it's not hostile. Unfortunately, it's looking for a mate, and its species has a very inconvenient way of going about finding one -- being deafeningly loud, and exuding a horrible smell that's toxic to humans and robots alike.

OC POV because my brain just did not want Murderbot to be the narrator this time. So here's Grous, completely out of order of her supposed introduction. Oh well. Just roll with it. Or don't, IDC, lol.

As usual, there's zero spoilers for the books because everything mentioned in this fic is just made the fuck up. Because there isn't actually anything (besides Martha Well's casual bigotry) in The Murderbot Diaries that I'd actually want to change in terms of the story or plot.

You are encouraged to use the animal concept here for your own original fiction or fanfiction for other things. Like I said it's 100% original.

Actually ykw no, no read-more because tumblr's stupid. It's tagged long post.

= = =

This was not one of the small, fluffy cubs the SecUnit from Preservation had had the misfortune of running into down on the planet, when it and Evrim had fallen into a nest that had been dug under the supposedly safe path leading through the woods.

This was also not one of the parents, who'd been only a little bit bigger than their offspring, bristling with spines and spitting corrosive acid, but still very easy to run away from.

No, this was neither of those options.

Turns out, adult animals of this species who hadn't found a mate yet were trying really, really hard to remedy that fact. They attempted to remedy this fact by attracting a mate. By being as attractive as possible.

And you know what these animals thought was really attractive?

Animals who were really fucking big, really fucking bright, and reeked to high fucking heaven of the most cloying smell you can imagine, that burned the eyes and nose with its strength, and could even start corroding certain metals if it was in high enough concentrations.

This trait had evolved so that while these animals were running around in the unbelievably giant forests that were their natural habitat, their scent would be dispersed on the wind over a large area, allowing them, with the additional aid of their literally deafening howls, to find eachother and see if they liked what they saw.

This is what was pacing up and down the thoroughfare of Preservation Station, sniffing at every single thing that it came upon, and growing increasingly more obviously confused.

The scent glands that covered its body were constantly producing more of the noxious chemicals that had already caused several dozen humans, only some of whom had been confirmed to have respiratory problems before this incident, to pass out from lack of oxygen, even now that they were in separate sections of the station.

The air filters were working as hard as they could, but they hadn't been designed with a situation like this in mind. Purposefully poisonous gas they could handle. But even the most advanced poison gas wasn't almost infinitely self-replicating the way this animal's smell was. Not to mention it had stuck to people's clothes and skin, and there weren't enough shower or sanitation rooms for everyone on the station to clean the smell off of them at the same time.

And to make things worse, every few minutes, the animal, viewed only by the surviving, most sturdily built cameras in the highest spots of the high ceiling, stopped its pacing to throw its head back and let out a howl so loud it was literally deafening, which had already broken dozens of display surfaces and other fragile items within the thoroughfare where it'd been locked and isolated. Including all the cameras that were further down the walls.

The first howl it had given (once it got out of the landing pod it had arrived in) had instantly incapacitated over four hundred humans and two hundred bots, knocking them violently unconscious and permanently deafening the hundreds that had been closest to it, before anyone had even realized it was there, let alone before anyone could evacuate.

More humans and bots had had to run in to try and rescue the ones who were now unconscious, with a few exceptionally brave and foolhardy ones attempting (and succeeding, to everyone's shock) to distract the animal so it wouldn't howl again until they could get everyone away, even though they were being overwhelmed by the smell.

Fortunately, this was real life, not a dramatic movie, so the animal did not immediately start roaring and howling and leaping to viciously maul everyone it saw. Because that would be counterproductive to its goals - - find a mate, and stay alive.

It wasn't interested in taking a human as a mate, and it also wasn't interested in picking a fight when it was outnumbered by animals who were each almost as big as it was. It also wasn't interested in hunting or eating right now, but even if it had been, it still wouldn't have tried to hunt any humans, because they were way bigger than what it had evolved to eat.

Also, again, it was outnumbered, so even if it was hungry, it wasn't going to pick a fight it clearly couldn't win. Real animals did not just randomly start hunting people for no reason, and especially not when they were in a new environment.

So the successive waves of humans who volunteered to try and herd it back into the landing pod it'd come out of /did/ manage to keep it distracted and busy long enough for everyone who'd been knocked unconscious by its first howl, or the toxic fumes, to be either dragged away to safety further into the station, or dragged to safety into the nearest ship, and then the hatch sealed, without getting themselves mauled.

They also weren't deafened or knocked unconscious by any new howls, because, again, it can not be stressed enough: this wasn't a movie, so the animal reacted like a real animal. And a real animal isn't going to keep performing its mate-attracting ritual while it's being harassed by many large other animals. That's just not the kind of behavior that gets passed down the evolutionary line, because that's the kind of behavior that guarantees you'll be killed before you can pass your genes on in the first place.

Fortunately, no one had died of their injuries yet, and most people were recovering enough that the medics thought that could be avoided altogether.

As for the SecUnit from Preservation?

Well, it wasn't dead. But it had been unlucky enough to be standing close to the pod the animal had come out of, so it'd been knocked unconscious as the internal structures of its ears, as well as a few other crucial systems in its head, literally shattered from the sheer volume of the animal's howl.

When it woke up - - and the medics assured that Grous that it would, hopefully at some point soon - - it would be mostly fine, except for the inability to hear through its ears. But the SecUnit from Preservation usually used drones or cameras for audio anyways, so that hopefully wasn't going to be as big of a deal as it would be for anyone else. Heck, it might even enjoy the fact that humans wouldn't be able to talk to it unless it wanted to be able to hear them.

Yes, Grous was 100% aware that was not the likely outcome of this event at all, but it was trying to keep optimistic. Imagining how devastated the SecUnit from Preservation would be when it found out it'd never be able to hear again without additional augments was not doing anything to help her mood. She'd been far away enough during the initial howl that she hadn't been knocked out, though her ears were still ringing with the after-effects. She'd never been able to smell, not in the way humans or other constructs described it, so the animal's scent wasn't bothering her, since her lungs were able to filter in enough oxygen past it with only a slightly noticeable difficulty. She knew it was there because her chemoreceptor was constantly giving her updates on the percentage of atmosphere it was making up.

Right now she was locked inside one of the spaceships stranded in the port. She'd grabbed as many humans as could hold onto her at once (Which was four when they were all conscious and cooperating) and dragged them all inside. They'd been joined by twelve other humans and five robots, one of which was another construct.

None of them knew how to fly this kind of spaceship, but fortunately the the bot pilot, Thrive, who used fe/ir pronouns, hadn't been damaged, and was more than happy to help, so the whole shipful of them were currently in the process of disconnecting from the station so the pilot could ferry those who wanted to get off down to the planet, before fe'd bring Grous and 6210311, the hauler bot who'd also volunteered to return and help out, who used he/him pronouns, back to the station.

(Fe would have let them off before bringing everyone else down to the planet, except that the animal'd wandered over to where fe was docked by that point, and even if the animal itself wasn't hostile, opening the airlock would let in too much of its smell than would be safe for the humans.)

[Pheromones], Thrive the bot pilot had corrected Grous. Apparently the smell this animal was releasing was specifically called a pheromone, because it was used to communicate a specific purpose. In this case, the purpose was finding a date.

Everyone was grateful that it was not attempting to seduce any humans or robots so far. Grous had heard stories of animals on other planets who were so social and bonded so readily with humans they'd perform mating dances at them, even if humans were dozens of times bigger than them and of a completely different body plan.

Grous wasn't sure exactly what she'd do once she and 6210311 got back to the station, but she figured that with her anosmia and the fact that she required less oxygen than humans would help in the toxic fumes department, if nothing else.

Thrive was talking to one of the systems on Preservation on a channel with a free invite so they could all listen in if they wanted, talking to a bot who studied the species of animal that had somehow gotten onto the station.

Thrive had sent down a description of the animal along with visual and audio recordings, and the bot on the surface, whose feed signature read, “Xeotherial, xe/xir/xirris” sent back a quick summary of the species, highlighting most of what they'd already figured out - - that its territorial howls were dangerous for most life forms not native to Preservation, that its pheromones were toxic to humans, and that it was generally non-hostile in its current state.

All of this they already knew, but Xeotherial also had some new information to share - - like the fact that long enough exposure to the pheromones could start to damage bots as well as humans, by physically clogging filtration systems and corroding some materials, though there wasn't yet enough research to say what effects it would have on constructs. Based on the effects it had on humans and bots, it wouldn't be anything healthy.

And speaking of the pheromone, Grous' scanner was showing that it was still present in the atmosphere inside Thrive, clinging to her skin, clothes, and mechanical parts. It was like it was more than just a smell, it was like a sticky residue. She couldn't see it except with one of her visual overlays, but she could feel it when she experimentally pinched the fabric of her shirt between two fingers. It was making the fabric stiffer, less soft than it should be, and made it stick to her fingers slightly as she pulled away.

All of the humans who'd gotten aboard Thrive had immediately fled to the bathrooms, and Grous could hear them all through the doors they'd left open along the way, very noisily complaining about the smell and trying to wash it off their clothes, skin, and hair.

6210311 had happily accepted Thrive's offer of a charging station, and was in standby mode at the moment while he, from what Grous could gather from his reactions on the open feed channel, watched a documentary about the animals in question.

Which were called mostly just Preservation grey foxes, though the grey part of the name applied to the adult and juvenile forms only, not this bright intermediate stage. Grous had never seen an adult or a baby for herself, just the recording the SecUnit from Preservation had shared with her of its (mis)adventure with Evrim.

She'd had no idea their middle stage looked anything like this. From the complaints the humans were making, (shouting and exclaiming in disgust and horror and confusion and some begrudging humor), she was guessing none of them had, either.

Thrive informed her that it would be at least half a Preservation standard hour before they were able to land, and offered her a charging station across from 6213011 if she wanted it.

But Grous didn't need to initiate a charge cycle for another few Preservation-standard days, so she thanked ir, but declined, showing ir her pantry of full power batteries.

But her chemoreceptor analysis was still showing a high concentration of the animal's pheromones on her skin and clothes, so it would be a good use of her time to try and wash it off, if she could, like the humans were. No point carrying around the smell unnecessarily.

So she left the main area and went to join the humans in the communal bathroom, who'd progressed almost all the way to being optimistic and cheerful and thinking the situation was funny, rather than just being afraid and worried. They'd left all the doors open between them and the rest of Thrive to help keep the air circulating, and most of the pheromones that had been stuck to them had been successfully washed down the drains. That would pose problems in the future if the chemicals weren't easily broken down for re-use, but that would be a problem for later.

Grous had estimated that the amount of pheromones still left hanging around her were at a level humans would find unpleasant, and was proven correct when she stepped into the further bathroom, which was less crowded than the first, and was gratified to be immediately met with a wave of “ewww!!” “aaah!!” and “uughh!!!” as she stepped in and the humans caught scent of her.

One of the naked humans closest to the door, whose short bio was listed as [Jikar, alternating he/him, they/them] in the feed, covered his mouth and nose with one hand, and waved Grous over with the other, saying urgently, their voice muffled by his hand, “Oh, quick, quick come under the water, get that stuff off of you! I'll grab you some more solid soap, we used it all.” They quickly but carefully fast-walked past her toward the door. Grous started for the shower of water that was still running over the tiled floor. Jikar's clothes had been left scattered by the drain in the floor, presumably so they'd keep getting rinsed out.

Grous started to lift her shirt over her head, but was stopped by another human's voice- -

“Don't bother getting undressed yet, just go right under the water with your clothes still on first, it'll be easier to get most of it off that way.” Grous turned to look at the voice, and saw a human sitting on one of the benches in one of the bath-showers, with new water falling down from above and the rest of their body submerged below the shoulders. Several pieces of clothing were floating or had sunk to the bottom of the small pool. A pair of crutches were visible thorugh the water sitting on a small shelf next to the human.

A quick fumble for the feed bio displayed, [Ask for my name, pronouns: sie/syr/syr/(syrs)/syrself. I am part of – ]

The human spoke again before Grous could finish reading, saying:

“When Jikar gets back with more soap, just start at the top and go down, it'll help rinse more off with the soap.” Sie gestured as sie spoke, lifting one hand out of the water and then moving it back down with the palm flat to demonstrate. “Then you can take your clothes off and wash them again. It seems to stick more to natural fibers than the synthetic ones. It shouldn't take long for your shirt, but your pants you're probably gonna have to use a whole bar on.” Sie gestured to syr clothes in the water. “I'm just going to let mine soak until we're almost ready to land. Apparently it sticks really well to dagro.”

Grous knew from her scouring of the information for Preservation that dagro was the name of an animal fiber commonly used for clothes. The species it was harvested from (nunam) were native to the same sorts of ecosystems as the Preservation grey foxes. Which sort of made sense. The foxes' pheromones had probably evolved specifically to stick to the fur of other nearby animals so they'd spread it even further than the wind could.

Jikar returned at that moment, carrying several bags of packaged soap bars. ��Here you go!” He said, handing one of the bags to Grous, their nose crinkled up in reaction to the smell still sticking to her. “Ugh!” They exclaimed, “I just can't believe how bad that smells! I've lived here on Preservation for two years now, and I never knew anything that smelled that bad was living here! How can anything find that attractive?” He used their free hand to wave the air in front of his nose for emphasis.

If there was ever a time that Grous was glad for her inability to smell, it was times like these. She gratefully accepted the soap, though, and went to the next empty shower to wash off. She couldn't smell the horribleness like everyone else, but it was creating a weird texture on her skin and clothes, and just because she couldn't smell it didn't mean she wanted to subject everyone else to it.

She set the bag down and took out one of the packages of soap. It said it was clofus scented, with an artistic painting of the bark of the kiius tree on it, dotted with bright purple sap. Grous' chemoreceptor feedout informed her part of the composition of the soap did indeed match what she'd recorded the few times she'd seen kiius trees in person.

She checked the timer Thrive had been nice enough to set in the feed for everyone, and saw that there was still most of an hour left before they got to the planet. And then it would be an hour again before they could get back to the station.

Plenty of time to wash off the pheromones, and maybe start watching that show the SecUnit from Preservation was so obsessed with, to see if it was actually any good.

She sat down under under the warm shower of water, and put on the first episode of The Rise and Fall of Sanctuary Moon.

[pewcat2]

I posted 174 times in 2022

That's 174 more posts than 2021!

55 posts created (32%)

119 posts reblogged (68%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@postcambrian

@pevvcatabandoned

@pewcat2

@piratespencil

@firsttraintovictoriaville

I tagged 171 of my posts in 2022

Only 2% of my posts had no tags

#detentionaire - 36 posts

#taylor rewatches st - 29 posts

#taylor's tirades - 27 posts

#about me - 17 posts

#taylor's to dos - 9 posts

#ofmd - 8 posts

#rhys darby - 7 posts

#dracula - 7 posts

#inspiration - 6 posts

#stede bonnet - 5 posts

Longest Tag: 127 characters

#i post stuff like this here because chances of someone from the real world finding it and being upset about it are much slimmer

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Tumblr can have a baby Serpent, as a treat

7 notes - Posted September 28, 2022

#4

I've always been a little bit thirsty for Rhys Darby but like rewatching What We Do In The Shadows has got me feeling some kinda way

8 notes - Posted April 26, 2022

#3

In Mina's November 1st diary entry she says she can't abide garlic which is obviously because shes becoming a vampire, but the way she says it is so casual and doesn't include any "I can't abide garlic anymore" type of indicators to tell us that this is a new development, so I like the idea that Mina just...never liked garlic and that's why she noticed how much is in the food.

16 notes - Posted November 9, 2022

#2

They’d say I hustled, put in the work. They wouldn’t question how much of this I deserve (x)

Listen, I just really love the MWFP kids and wish so badly we could have learned more about them. Elizabeth in particular is fascinating to me, as she ended up being pretty much the sole leader of MWF; Lo disappeared really early on, Max then did the same, and Art passed on (sure, she may have had his clones but they’re not really him, are they?) Add that on top of being a woman business owner in the 1910s/1920s, she must have seen some shit.

24 notes - Posted May 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I just got caught up again on Dracula Daily and I think we need to talk more about polyam Lucy but also...

...could her three husbands mirror Dracula’s three wives?

40 notes - Posted May 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[leoolol2]

29/09/2024

I wasn't expecting something this big, but here is my second day of writing.

anotação pro meu psicólogo: o senhor pode me fazer um relatório pra eu ir pro psicólogo da minha mãe, por favor? ela queria que eu fosse porque eu realmente tô com dificuldade de estudar mesmo estudando fora do meu quarto, e ela achava que o meu quarto era o problema. :) obrigado.

Well, I can't sleep. Like, at all. So here I am, already writing this in 2:30 AM! I probably will have an all-nighter and wtv, I should be productive tonight.

I was a bit productive, doing some of my math homework and watching some mvs from my fav bands until 4 am and then just passing out. I then woke up at 9, and my mom wrote some of my fav bands on my nails! i forgot to mention yesterday that i painted my own nails at night. (mcr and p!atd). i also took a bath in the morning and washed my hair; something i think i havent done for about 1 or 2 weeks? i think im getting worse, mental health wise, but i dont know. i'll update this once the afternoon ends. I also ranted a bunch about mcr and fob to my mom, and she complained about linkin park to me. i love my mom and having similar interests with her! My brother came to visit us today! :)

I ate some actual meal today: broccoli, rice, just a bit grinded meat, sweet potato, and normal potato. The broccoli tasted like shit. I also drank peach tea. After lunch, we went back home and got my Nina the Killer cosplay jacket to a dressmaker so that she could put a zipper on it. We then went to get some icecream at McDonald's! I ranted a bunch about MCR again but this time to my brother. :)

After that we went back home and my family decided to put up the shelf I had on my floor for the longest time. It's a bit crooked, but I don't mind, honestly. I now have a bunch of shit I need to put up on the shelf once more, though. It's all on my bed, making me barely able to sit here and write this on my PC. Well, I should put up my stuff on my "new" shelf.

after scrolling through tumblr a bunch my mom did my nails for me. it was fun. i only got a top coat added because my black nail polish is on the verge of dying but its fine! i'll buy some later. my nails are not shiny, though.

i did some of my hw, and also got my piano out of under my bed! my friend also got me in contact w this russian boy, i think hes cute. hes in brazil too, so i rly hope he replies to my dm on insta.

im so so soo sleepy, so im gonna go sleep after i finish at least this teacher's hw. its 21:47, for the record. i didn't stay up that late today. still, im gonna post this. i hope whoever reads this has a good day!

꒰꒰・┄┄┄┄・rants section・┄┄┄┄・꒱꒱

this is a section i made up to see if any time i have any rants, i come here!

so it will be more in depth than the actual casual diary. (i also will mention when exactly i wrote it!)

12:52. thinking about how my therapist tells me to act as my own best friend. i dont know how, genuinely. i cannot. maybe i can suck my own dick sometimes and tell myself im so hot and the best person in the world, but thats obviously not true. its not like i feel like that all the time, either. from a day to another i suddenly feel like the worst person alive. its not as if someone tells me that i am, or something triggers me. i just feel that out of no where. but whatever.

16:22. My dad doesn't understand that yelling at my dog doesn't do anything. It just makes her madder and more pissed off at the world and makes me actually feel sick and about to cry. I want to protect her from everything. I don't want to be here, I want to go away with her and fuck everything else. I won't be missed probably anyway. The only people that would miss me is my online friends, who doesn't really know me in real life. Well, I guess some that have this blog can now know more about me. :)

16:26. Thinking about the ripped up letter. I wasted 2 hours of my night writing that for a girl who didn't even want me romantically. She just wanted to have fun, someone to kiss with no feelings truly attached. I guess that would be fun if my feelings didn't feel so extreme. Someone I love can become someone I despise just because of a small mistake they didn't really mean to do. Well, I try not to be too mad at them for that, but this isn't the case of that anyway. I wanted her to be my girlfriend but she didn't want to have anything romantic. She practically cut ties and said that she had shit for yesterday when she used to be so excited to see me some time ago. Maybe it was an excuse that she made. Either way, we're not talking. I don't really care about her. I care about the time and words of mine that she wasted.

17:46. i was listening to music and back to the old house reminds me of them so much. fuck. i miss frank.

17:59. i feel too feminine, doing my nails and liking girly things. my face is too feminine, my voice is too feminine. everything about me, the way i walk, talk, read out loud, interact with my friends. absolutely everything. i want to cry thinking about it because i dont want to. maybe this is an internalized issue of some sort. i really need to address this in therapy, probably.

18:17. I just noticed im going back to my "scenecore"/crunkcore phase. fuck. one of my worst, honestly.

18:30. just wanna mention how amazing i feel rn:3 feeling on top of the world is so good !!

18:58. winderson is making me rage. makes me want to punch him or throw it somewhere. but he's my baby, i cant do that.

[fearthedietcoke]

Ope! Look, I’m using tumblr as a personal diary again, don’t mind me.

I wasn’t made for casual dating,

I was made for soul crushing devotion and love,

All I want is to find someone who will allow me to grow and help them grow, too.

Instead, I get strung along for two months, finally go on a date, and then ghosted after she told me she would love to see me again.

It’s kinda embarrassing at this point how long I’ve been trying to date someone and just haven’t found anyone. Makes me feel like I’m the issue, that there’s something wrong with me, and that’s why I can’t find a partner.

Logically I know it’s probably just the fact that I live in the south and there isn’t a large amount of queer people to talk to, but fuck it feels defeating and draining.