#just been over a year since ive had a break or “vacay”

[michaelwatt]

No me stting on my work counter, snug in the corner of the side of the fridge, listening to lofi whilst being overstimulated.

[datingadviceonreddit]

This could get long so bear with me, I want to start from the very beginning. I met this girl at work, lets call her Lucy, we would flirt very subtly. This went on for maybe 6 months and it was very subtle because we worked in the same building and would see each other often. It was mainly me bugging her, her bugging me type thing and a few good jokes. Its March of this year and I go to bug her one morning and she just has tears in her eyes and tells me out loud not to bug her she might be breaking up with Luke (not his real name). I back off for the day and don't bug her. I havent approached her in any way during the course of the very subtle flirting because I knew she had a bf. I wasn't going to get in between them if everything seemed good in their relationship even though I thought she was attractive. But at this critical point I wanted to seize an opportunity. A few days later I approach her and we talk a bit and we ended up exchanging numbers. I make it pretty clear to her in the beginning and I quote myself: "friends without friendzoning". I think this makes it pretty clear what my intentions were. I wanted to be her friend but I didn't want to be considered just a friend. By this point I knew she found me attractive and wanted her to know I felt the same. She might be breaking up with her bf so I wanted to let her know she had options. We got to talking a bit, every so often at first because I wanted to give her space with what she was going through. Before I go any further I want to fill you in on some inside information that I learned about later: in January she is in Vegas with Luke and she finds a random number texted him. She ends up calling the number and finding out he is cheating on her. The details she's told me is that he talked to her (the other girl) for a year and met up with her a few times but he could never go through with "it". This guy is known as an asshole in their circle of friends. Not a totally bad guy but not the greatest either. Shes clearly upset about this. It's the beginning of March at the point of me starting to talk to her. In that first month I ask her if she wants to go to breakfast with me when I'm hungover after my birthday in the middle of the month. She declines very politely because shes still not sure what her and Luke are. I get it, I back off and we continue to talk every so often (maybe once a week, a few texts here and there) and continue to work in the same building. After that month we start to talk more and more, fast forward to sometime at the end of May. Luke sends flowers to work for Lucy and she tells him not to do that and was a lil angry. She ends up telling him that she doesn't love him anymore. She comes over to my place. We made plans to grab a few beers and play some video games. Video games get cut after about 15-20 minutes and we jst sit on my couch talking. This happens for about 1-1.5 hours and she gets up to leave. I escort her to the door and say my goodbye and it was nice hanging out. She then proceeds to kiss me. I kiss back. Door opens. She leaves. We talk about it after and she said shes never kissed on "first hangouts". It was our first time hanging out together...alone. We continue into our regular routine but dont get physical again until a bit later. The texts start to heat up a bit and become more sexual. We talk more often and when he's not at home around her. We hang out every once in awhile here and there for a few hours each time, not much like once or twice a week. I end up going on vacation for a week at the beginning of July and during that time we talk often throughout the day. I suggest to her that she call in sick on the Friday of my last weekend and come hang out at my trailer which is where I was spending my vacay. During these talks I mentioned to her that she could spend the night since its such a far drive. She does and the whole time she is here we hold hands and kiss like we're some sort of couple in front of my friends. The next morning we're just laying in bed (we didnt have sex just slept together) and she ends up getting a text from him saying that he blew the brake lines in his vehicle and their dog is sick. She leaves and can't spend another night. By this point, just before she came up, she removes her "in a relationship" status on facebook. She goes back home to him and on Sunday is in their backyard playing a game with Luke, Lukes brother and a couple of his friends. 2 weeks later we talk about "us" and how she is going to work on leaving him. The texting starts to get more frequent and we're innuendoing like crazy. We end up going on a trip with another work friend (female) and end up having a good time at an amusement park. We're obviously staying at a hotel but in separate beds because our friend is with us. We make funny faces at each other from our separate beds before going to sleep. The next morning while our friend was in the shower she straddles me and begins to kiss me a bit. Trip ends and we go home. Move towards the end of August and he disappears for a trip somewhere with his boys. I guess it was decided a few weeks before that it was just going to be the boys and she doesnt get to go. Now if I was her bf I'd want to spend some time with her alone before I go. He ends up having the boys over and she gets completely ignored. I know this because I was talking to her that night. When his trip was set me and Lucy make plans to hang out. She comes over, while he's gone, and she cooks me dinner. We end up playing some video games and then watching some Netflix. We get cozy. Now in between this encounter and the last one we have been kissing & touching here and there (not at work) and text each other often. So as we're watching the show I turn to her and kiss her. She kisses back. I get more physical and pick her up and bring her to my bed. I start to kiss more passionately and clothes are coming off. We have sex. She hangs out for a little bit more and then gets up to leave. She sends me a text a little while later saying she doesn't want to become a person she wouldn't want to date. I know shes feeling really guilty at this point. I tell her I get it it was a mistake and it just happened "in the moment". This was a Friday. Skip to Sunday. Luke's coming home the next day. I go over to their place and spend a few hours with Lucy. No sex. No kissing. Just cozying up and watching a movie. I leave. The very next day they pack up for a camping trip. Some of his family is going with them because she is in a bit of an awkward phase with him and didn't want it to be just the 2 of them. They spend a few days and come back. After this things start to heat up like crazy. I think a month goes by and we're hanging out a bit more and just stick to kissing & light touching. Hanging out is nice. Things start to get really heavy and we're having sex on a semi-regular basis. It heats up at work too. We're sneaking around and kissing and have had 1 sexual encounter. This happens for the next 2-3 months. She ends up nearly having a mental breakdown and tells me she wants to stop lying and that she is falling in love with me. We stop having sex. We stop hanging out as often as we did. Theres the occasional kiss. She has stopped having sex with Luke for what she tells me is around 4 months. Right around the time we started. By this point I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown too. I start feeling the same way. I think I'm falling in love with her. I can't stand when she's with him anymore. During this time shes told him that she is leaving but they have a debt together, a house to pay for and throw a dog into the mix. Its all getting to me. Now it all just seems awkward. We don't like we used to. I've told her the kissing and getting physical stops until she has completely moved out of her house. She still goes out and does stuff with him but doesn't post anything to facebook, still has the status removed and has got rid of a bunch of pictures with him. She's definitely in the process now of making the move but we're in December now. This all started in March when she said she might be breaking up with him. This whole time its been kept a secret from work and him. They are on a break now Ive heard. I feel very confused by all of this. Why so long? I feel like Ive been in a very secret relationship that has stalled. She says that shes "turning her world upside down to give US a chance". The question remains in my head: am I in a relationship?Tl;dr: me and Lucy have talked for 9 months, had sex and fallen in love with each other. She still lives with Luke but does not love him and is only now making moves to officially leave him. They do not sleep in the same bed but she continues to go out and do things with him. She has stated that she is "flipping her world upside down to give this a chance" (this being us as a couple). She has a house, debt to pay off and a dog with Luke. I want to know should I continue sticking around or just forget about the whole thing? via /r/dating_advice