#just because she didn’t get her title the traditional way that doesn’t mean it’s meaningless.

[stargirlfeyre]

“In Acowar when Rhys died why didn’t his power immediately pass onto the next HighLord” maybe because Feyre was still alive and no matter how much y’all hate to acknowledge this, she is a legitimate ruler of the NC and the power won’t pass on and choose another HighLord/HighLady until both of its rulers are dead.

[hexensalbei]

when i’m at home

“... And she just came by the station and brought us coffee!”, Eddie grimaces, trying not to grit his teeth.

“Isn't it a nice gesture?”, Adriana asks; there's hint of amusement in her voice and she's not even trying to hide it. It's late evening; her kids are already in bed and so is Christopher which allows her to talk with her brother for a while. It's kinda their tradition—every few days they call each other—mostly via Skype—to catch up and check if everything's alright. She really enjoys it; the Diaz siblings has always been pretty close no matter how far away they have lived.

“It is. It's just... Why was she even at the station? I thought there's nothing between them. Not after that disaster of a date”, Eddie sighs. Seeing Buck chatting and laughing with Taylor Kelly at the end of their shift really put him in a bad mood. He still doesn't trust her especially around his best friend. He just knows that redhead reporter isn't the right person for Buck. Who repeatedly said he wants a serious relationship, not just a meaningless hookup.

And yet, he's still seeing her. It bothers Eddie so much he spilled out about it when Adriana asked what's up. He thought that it might help him calm down but he feels like he's just more angry than he has been earlier.

“Maybe they're just friends.”, Adriana suggests after a few moments of silence between them. She eyes him suspiciously. “Isn't it what Buck said anyway? That they're better off being friends?”

“Then why was she flirting with him for the whole she was there? Why did she bring him his favourite coffee?”. It's very clear that Eddie's annoyed that his sister isn't throwing insults at Buckley's not-so-new female friend.

“You flirt with him all the time and nobody says anything.”

Eddie freezes.

After what it feels like hours, he looks up at his sister. She has that odd, annoying smug on her face like she knows she's absolutely right and he has sudden urge to wipe it off. She just waits patiently for him to catch up what she said.

“I... What now?”

“You flirt with him all the time. And everyone is fine with it.”, she repeats very loud and clear.

“I don't”, Eddie scoffs. Has she gone mad and he hasn't noticed? He doesn't flirt with Buck, they're just best friends. They joke and bicker quite often but that's it. There's only friendly, platonic banter.

“Have you ever considered you might be in love with Buck?”, Adriana asks. Her question is serious even though Eddie sees the mischief in her eyes.

“Don't you think I would've noticed that I'm in love with my best friend?”, he answers with another question.

He really believes in that. He's been in love once in his life and it was Shannon. And he was definitely aware of his feelings. He still remembers first nervous glances, shy smiles and stuttering. He remembers first touches and kisses and how he had felt butterflies in his stomach. He also recalls their arguments, make-up sex and tears when they'd been hurting each other. Even when Shannon had re-appeared in his life, he was fully aware he still loved her. So if he did love Evan, he'd know. He thinks. He's so lost in thoughts, he doesn't hear his sister's rambling.

“Edmundo!”, she practically yells at him to bring back his attention. It seems to be working so she decides to share her honest opinion. “Eddie, we've been talking for almost an hour now, you had a date with Ana—like yesterday—and you didn't say a word about it. We're only talking about Buck. You're so pissed off because you saw him again with the girl he'd hooked up with in the past. And for me it's pretty telling. You're jealous.”

There's a silence on Eddie's side of the screen. In fact, he's utterly speechless. Adriana's words are ringing in his ears like a fucking bell. Jealous. Is is really jealousy what's been eating him since his friend had reconnected with Taylor?

“Look”, his sister bites her lip as if she's not sure if she should go on. Eventually, she does. “I'm not laughing or mocking you. I love you and I want everything what's best for you. I know you've had a rough couple of years dealing with all that shit with our parents, Shannon dying, tsunami and pandemic and yet, I've never seen you happier. You literally light up when you talk about Chris and Buck. You mention him all the time. You've never trusted Shannon the way you trust Buck with Chris and she was his mother. You two practically live together—last time we talked he was tucking Chris in after he spend the whole afternoon cooking dinner and watching movies with you two. It's something I do with my husband, not with my friends even if I love them. I've only seen glimpses of your life and I'm pretty sure you two love each other.”

Eddie listens. He pays attention to every word that coming out from Addie's mouth. It's hard to admit it but she's right. Buck has stopped being only a guest in his house a long time ago. Lately he's here almost all the time—either babysitting Chris while Eddie's on a date with Ana or just hanging out with the two of them because he doesn't feel comfortable in his own apartment. The thing is, Eddie likes having him around. He enjoys lazy mornings that smell like Buck's famous pancakes and coffee made by Hildy (Buck still teases him about it); he's also very fond of all evenings filled with laughter when they accidentally fall asleep on the couch and wake up in the middle of the night tangled up together. Being this close has never been awkward to them. At this point—Eddie realises—it's more awkward when there's an actual space between them. And, of course, he notices how attractive his friend is. He must've been blind not to see it. It's not like he's the only one who knows that Buck's eyes look like the cloudless sky in the middle of the summer when he's happy and get so dark they look like an stormy ocean, right?

He freezes again for a moment.

“Addie, I'm a little too old to have a sexuality crisis, don't you think?”, he asks but Adriana only laughs. He's not even offended by it because it's kinda hilarious. He would've laughed if somebody told him that he's gonna question his sexuality because of something his sister had said. “What if... What about our family? Parents?”

“You mean if you two get together?” Eddie nods. “I don't think you need to worry about it”, Adriana smiles brightly. “Our mom's wondering—and I quote—when will Edmundo bring back to El Paso that charming friend of his?”

“And so are we!”, Sophia chimes in, appearing suddenly behind Adriana.

“Dios Mío, have you been here the whole time?” Eddie groans when he sees both of his sisters grinning. He's royally fucked now. He knows them well and he's sure they won't forget about anything he has said tonight and will tease him mercilessly. There's a reason why Buck instantly hit it off when he met Diaz sisters. Sophia only nods and winks at him before she disappears again.

“Aunt Pepa loves him and don't even get me started with Abuela. Buck's her favourite grandchild, she gave him half of her secret recipes and he's not even officially Diaz yet!”, Adriana exclaims, pretending to be offended. Then, she adds. “And you certainly don't have to worry about Christopher. The kid loves Buck more than anyone. I'm not even sure if you're still his favourite adult.”

Eddie glares at her but there's a smile on his lips. He's not even slightly surprised that his son adores Buck so much. Honestly, Evan Buckley is his favourite adult too.

—☾—

Adriana's words are still stuck in his head days later when he's at home after another long, exhausting shift. Christopher is already here, doing his homework and Buck—Buck is here too. They're in the kitchen, preparing dinner together. Or it's rather Buck cooking and Eddie trying to steal food.

“Hey, quit snacking and cut the vegetables”, Buck orders and Eddie can't help but smile.

“I love you”, he blurts out. He didn't even think about it, it just escaped from his mouth.

It's Buck's turn to freeze.

Eddie looks at him and realises what he said. He's not panicking; he just feels happy, perfectly comfortable. At peace.

“I love you”, he says it again and suddenly he's in Buck's space. He just leans in and kisses him. Buck's definitely surprised but he only needs a moment to catch up what's going on. He responds very eagerly and kisses him back.

Eddie thinks it's a wonderful feeling. Now he knows that sometimes love doesn't hit like a wave, rapidly and intensively. Sometimes it just sneaks up quietly and patiently, like a river, taking piece by piece. He doesn't mind it.

“You're still cutting vegetables”, Buck says when they break apart. His eyes are full of joy and he's grinning—and Eddie wants to see him like this everyday. “And for the record, I love you too, Diaz.”

Eddie sends Adriana you were right hours later when he's already in bed, Buck curled up next to him. She responds almost immediately I know and he just smiles again.

—☾—

Link to ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30453828

(Title stolen shamelessly from band called The Maine, I highly recommend listen to that song, it fits Buddie so much ✨

[terramythos]

TerraMythos 2021 Reading Challenge - Book 16 of 26

Title: Tales From Earthsea (Earthsea Cycle #5) (2001)

Author: Ursula K. Le Guin

Genre/Tags: Fantasy, Short Story Collection, Novella, Third-Person, Female Protagonist 

Rating: 8/10 (note: this is an average)

Date Began: 7/2/2021

Date Finished: 7/6/2021

Tales From Earthsea is a collection of five short stories and novellas which take place in the Earthsea universe. In addition, there’s a supplementary timeline of Earthsea’s history, tradition, and cultural details of note. The last story in the collection, Dragonfly, serves as a bridge between Tehanu (#4) and The Other Wind (#6), the final book in the series. 

Of the five stories, my favorites (both 10/10s) were The Finder and On The High Marsh.

The way one does research into nonexistent history is to tell the story and find out what happened. I believe this isn’t very different from what historians of the so-called real world do. Even if we are present at some historic event, do we comprehend it— can we even remember it— until we can tell it in a story? 

Content warnings, individual ratings/commentary, and spoilers below the cut.

Content warnings for the book: Death and violence, child abuse (including implied sexual abuse), police brutality, slavery, reference to torture and execution, brief reference to inc*st, misogyny, animal cruelty, mild body horror, very brief implied mind control via a "love charm" (it doesn't work).

#1 - The Finder (10/10)

In The Dark Time, magic is widely mistrusted. Petty tyrants use the once noble art in pursuit of power and glory. Medra, the son of a shipwright in Havnor, has magical talents honed in secret. One day, he curses a ship built for a warlord’s fleet. Unfortunately, he gets caught and sent to a prison camp. There he is forced to use finding magic to locate veins of cinnabar.

The prison exists to refine quicksilver, a substance the most powerful mage on the island believes will turn him into a god. While in the refinery, Medra feels a spiritual connection to a dying slave, a young woman named Anieb. The two of them devise a plan to kill the mage and escape. Medra’s journey eventually takes him to the island of Roke and the founding of its prestigious wizard school. 

‘The dead are dead. The great and mighty go their way unchecked. All the hope left in the world is in the people of no account.’ 

I really enjoyed this novella. The Dark Time is largely unexplored in the stories of Earthsea, so it was interesting to read about it here. I get the feeling that we’re approaching or in the middle of one such time in the real world, so seeing a version of it on the page is depressing yet hopeful. The story is dark; mass feudal warfare, a literal concentration camp in the opening half, widespread enslavement, and abuse of power. But it also offers hope and the promise of change. The story also explores the integral role of women in not only the preservation of magic in a bleak age of humanity, but the very foundation of Roke. 

Medra’s story spoke to me; how he resists the despotic powers-that-be, his connection with Anieb even after her tragic death, and how despite his disillusionment with humanity, he ultimately fights to create a better world. I also thought Gelluk was a horrifying villain. He’s characterized as a soft-spoken, almost kindly man who loves children and animals— yet his narrative thoughts involve burning hundreds of slaves alive in order to better fuel the quicksilver refinery. “Nice doesn’t mean good” taken to an extreme, and a mirror of many villains in the real world. 

Le Guin was anti-capitalist, but that way of thinking seems peripheral in the Earthsea series. The Finder, however, definitely has a Marxist reading in it. A recurring theme is the disenfranchised rising up against the powerful. Indeed both antagonists, who are despotic wizards of great power, are soundly defeated by groups of people they consider powerless. Magic is only considered relevant for the value and power it produces, an idea antithetical to the rest of the series. The quicksilver refinery also embraces anti-capitalist rhetoric; this section focuses on how mass enslavement and death is used to manufacture a meaningless commodity only one person “benefits” from. That’s not even getting into the prison-industrial complex. 

I dunno. This story slaps. It’s not at all what I expected from a Roke origin story.

#2 - Diamond and Darkrose (5/10)

Diamond, the son of a prosperous lumber merchant, struggles to find his true calling in life. His father disapproves of almost everything he does, including his close friendship with the local witch’s daughter Rose. While he loves music, his father derides his talents and forces him to abandon the pursuit. When Diamond shows some  promise in magic, he travels to a neighboring town to serve as the local wizard’s apprentice. But when this path estranges him from Rose, he grows disillusioned.

Rose had looked after herself from an early age; and this was one of the reasons Diamond loved her. With her, he knew what freedom was. Without her, he could attain it only when he was hearing and singing and playing music.

I did not like this story very much. I gave Diamond and Darkrose a 5/10 because it’s competently written (duh), and the protagonist has a character arc not entirely dependent on the central romance. But that’s about all I can say for it.

None of the characters are especially appealing. Diamond’s mentor figures are all extremely narrow-minded. Rose, supposedly his true love since childhood, drops him the moment things become difficult. And Diamond himself is a pushover who only grows a spine and pursues his dreams at the end of the story. I understand that’s his character flaw and his arc is about overcoming that. But due to all these factors, I was annoyed by every major character. The only person I didn’t dislike was Diamond’s mother, who only shows up for a couple of scenes.

Someone please tell me there are love stories out there where the romantic tension is NOT based on a fucking MISUNDERSTANDING. That shit drives me up a wall! It’s so overdone and painful to read.

#3 - The Bones of the Earth (8/10)

Dulse is an aging wizard on the island of Gont, reflecting on his life and relationship with his former apprentice, a young man he calls Silence. But he senses something amiss on the island; a massive earthquake poised to destroy a nearby port town and its inhabitants. To avert disaster, Dulse realizes he must turn to an ancient form of magic taught to him long ago— and he needs Silence’s help to save the town.

In there he knew he should hurry, that the bones of the earth ached to move, and that he must become them to guide them, but he could not hurry. There was on him the bewilderment of any transformation. He had in his day been fox, and bull, and dragonfly, and knew what it was to change being. But this was different, this slow enlargement. I am vastening, he thought.

So I’ve always liked Ogion in the main series; I love the idea of an immensely powerful wizard who lives an unassuming life of silence, contemplation, and appreciation of the natural world. In The Bones of the Earth, we get a glimpse of Ogion through his mentor’s eyes. Ogion’s heroism and how he stopped the earthquake is mentioned several times in the main series, but this is our first look at what actually happened.

Dulse is an unexpected and fascinating perspective character. It would be so easy to tell this story wholly from Ogion’s perspective, but I think making Dulse the protagonist was the right call. In particular, Dulse’s mind is starting to go. Le Guin presents this by utilizing flashbacks and connecting them to the present. This technique conveys Dulse’s disorientation and confusion so the reader experiences it alongside him... it’s hard to describe without actually reading the story. I also loved the little twist at the end regarding where Dulse learned the ancient magic that saves the island. There’s also a strong thematic connection to The Farthest Shore; death and becoming one with the rest of the world.

#4 - On The High Marsh (10/10)

A half-mad wanderer named Irioth comes upon a small settlement on the volcanic, marshy island of Semel. A murrain has been devastating the local cattle population, and Irioth offers his powers as a curer to heal the animals. He settles into a calm rural life with Gift, a widow working a small dairy. Though Gift likes Irioth, and the animals instinctively trust him, she senses something amiss with the man. Soon, Irioth’s dark past threatens to return and disturb the peace.

“Oh, yes,” Irioth said. “It was my fault.” But she forgave, and the grey cat was pressed up against his thigh, dreaming. The cat’s dreams came into his mind, in the low fields where he spoke with the animals, the dusky places. The cat leapt there, and then there was milk, and the deep soft thrilling. There was no fault, only the great innocence. No need for words. They would not find him here. He was not here to find. There was no need to speak any name. There was nobody but her, and the cat dreaming, and the fire flickering. He had come over the dead mountain on black roads, but here the streams ran slow among the pastures.

This story is a banger. It has a Western vibe— a stranger coming into a cattle town haunted by a mysterious past. Also cowboys. It’s an atmospheric story, and I think hits on the “small rural town” vibe better than Tehanu did. But there were several writing choices I especially liked.

We don’t learn Irioth’s name until a little while into the story; his physical description, temperament, and ability to immediately identify Gift’s true name just by looking at her makes one assume he’s Ged. He’s also got an interesting redemption arc, because it’s presented in a reverse order. We see Irioth’s genuine desire to do good, and his gentle and patient manner with animals and other people. He doesn’t even consider asking for payment for curing the murrain until Gift tells him he should. But there’s a sense that something is off; he’s paranoid, clearly running from something. The use-name he picks is Otak, a fictional ferret-like creature— which Gift asserts looks nice, but has sharp teeth.

Near the end, Ged actually does show up and explain what happened to Irioth. They have pretty similar backstories; both were powerful, arrogant young mages who messed with forces  they shouldn’t have, then went through great personal sacrifice to right the wrong (oh god the initial deception was intentional they’re narrative foils oh god). Ged embraced the darkest aspects of himself to avert calamity. Irioth came to Semel to escape Roke and atone by helping others. One detail I especially liked was that Irioth once considered healing beneath him, but now he takes a deep joy in using it to help. 

#5 - Dragonfly (8/10)

Irian lives a solitary life-- her father is a drunkard living in the ruins of their family’s once prosperous estate. Her closest relationship is with the local village witch, who named her in secret in the dead of night.  When a disgraced young wizard named Ivory comes to town, he sees Irian as a potential conquest. To gain power over her, he hatches a scheme; disguise Irian as a man, travel to Roke, and sneak her into the male-only wizard school— humiliating the great Masters.

But Irian is restless. She knows she has power, but her true nature is a mystery even to her. Irian sees Ivory’s plan as an opportunity to find answers from the most powerful wizards in the world. When the Doorkeeper actually lets her into the school, she finds herself in a magical and political conflict over the future of Roke— and discovers what exactly she is.

“Dark is bad,” said the Patterner. “Eh?”

Irian drew a deep breath and looked at him eye to eye as they sat there. “Only in dark the light,” she said.

This is one of those stories that has a rocky start, but a great second half. The first part of the novella felt dry to me; I’ve read plenty of tales about social outcasts with weird, unexplainable powers. On top of this, a chunk of the early narration is from Ivory’s POV, and he’s a complete tool. That can be a fun perspective to take, and I like the fact that he thinks he’s manipulating Irian when she’s the one pulling the strings. But since he’s an irrelevant character who disappears from the story halfway through, it feels like a waste to devote a huge chunk of the story to him.

However, once Irian arrives at Roke, the story gets much more interesting. Her presence at Roke causes a huge scandal that divides the Masters. Women being forbidden from Roke is a Series Thing at this point, but Earthsea is in an era of change (although I DO question that she’s the first woman to try it). The Finder demonstrated that women were pivotal in the foundation of Roke, something largely erased from history. Barring women stems from a power hungry bigot codifying it into tradition.

Irian finds some unexpected allies--minor characters in the previous books. The Doorkeeper continues to be the coolest motherfucker there. The Patterner is a major character in this story; he was in just one scene in The Farthest Shore, so I liked learning more about him. The Namer is the kind of guy you’d expect to be a stodgy traditionalist, so him siding with Irian is surprising. The Summoner, a heroic figure in previous books and stories, is a sinister villain here. As for the ending, well… if you didn’t see it coming, I’d wonder if you even read Tehanu. The same hints are there.

There were little particulars I liked, such as Irian moving into a decrepit hut that’s definitely Medra’s old home. My favorite detail is that this story has a parallel scene with The Finder. In The Finder, there’s a scene where an antagonist, Early, invades Roke in the form of a dragon. He lands on Roke Knoll, a site of power that reveals one’s true form. It turns him back into a human, leaving him defenseless when the residents of Roke attack him and repel his invasion. The reversal happens in Dragonfly. Irian gets attacked by one of the Masters while at Roke Knoll — and its magic turns her into her true form, a dragon. Props to whoever picked the cover design, since it references both scenes.

#6 - A Description of Earthsea

I’m not rating this since it’s basically a lore dump. It’s a deep dive into Earthsea’s history, languages, cultures, and other relevant world details. It’s the kind of bonus info a lot of fantasy series tack on as reference material.  According to Le Guin, she wrote this to get some idea of the timeline on each of these stories.

As a series, Earthsea has relatively little worldbuilding exposition. Sometimes characters reference legends or historical events, but usually the reader lacks the context to fully understand them. The focus is more on the lives of the characters and their personal experience of the world. I think something like A Description of Earthsea has benefits and drawbacks for the reader. On one hand it's nice to have some definitive information to tie things together. On the other, this does represent a loss of some of the mystery in the story.

I think this is the first thing in the series that even mentions homosexuality, so props for that I guess?

Closing Thoughts

A short story collection is always going to have high and low points. I tend to look at each story individually and score that way, but an average is always misleading. Diamond and Darkrose dragged the score down since there were only five stories total. But I enjoyed the majority of them. I am interested to see where the human/dragon subplot goes in the final installment; I assume Irian will show up at some point? We’ll see.

[aconstellationofmemories]

White Valentine

Written in conjunction of the Gruvia Discord server's Fic Exchange event for @adramaticbeauty. See notes below.

AO3

__________________

Chirp chirp chirp.

The successive repetition of the birds’ song slowly filtered into Juvia’s sleep-fogged mind. Her eyelids fluttered open to be greeted by the sight of clear blue skies outside her window. A flock of birds swiftly flew past as they chirped on their way to seek sustenance.

Juvia smiled sleepily as she basked in the beauty and blessing of another day alive. Gone were the days of grey skies and endless pouring rain. Thanks to Gray – and Fairy Tail, too – every day was a sunny one, a joy to be alive, a reason to celebrate.

Rising from the bed, she slipped into a pair of fuzzy slippers and opened her daily planner on the side-table. Red circles framed every date of the month, signifying the anniversaries she had with Gray-sama. Although they occurred every day, they were no less important to Juvia. After all, he chased away the rain and introduced her to sunny days. Juvia would never appreciate them less because they happened every day, not when she knew how dire and miserable life would be without them.

Today, however, was especially special – not only was it their 534th anniversary, but it was also White Valentine! It was tradition for guys to gift chocolate to the women they like. So for Juvia, that could only mean one thing...

“Will Gray-sama give Juvia a chocolate too?!”

In her mind, Imaginary Gray coolly presented a box of chocolate to her. He stared at her with adoration in his eyes as she covered her mouth in disbelief. Could this be the day Gray-sama confesses his love...?! “I like you, Juvia. I want to live with you for the rest of my life.”

Imaginary Juvia gasped. “Gray-sama...”

“Will you marry me, Juvia?”

“Yes, Gray-sama!”

Imaginary Gray gently cradled her face in his hands and leaned in for a kiss. Their lips got closer, closer, until they were merely an inch apart...

“Ahhhhh!” Her squeal shattered the romantic scene.

She cupped her crimson cheeks in her hands. She was hyperventilating just at the thought of it. When Gray actually did it in real life, she was afraid she would swoon. But if she swooned, she would miss the action!

“Juvia can’t faint! She would miss Gray-sama’s romantic confession of love! Juvia must be prepared! She has to look good!”

Thus, wasting no time, she hurried into the bathroom to get ready for the special day.

__________________

“Good morning, Gray-sama!” she greeted him at the side of the table he was seated at.

“Morning, Juvia,” he said, sounding less enthusiastic.

“Isn’t it a beautiful day?” she said, subtly referring it to White Valentine.

“I guess so.”

Hmm, Gray-sama doesn’t acknowledge the day. Maybe Gray-sama wants to keep it a surprise?!

Juvia bit her lips to contain her bubbling enthusiasm. She couldn’t give anything away just yet. If he wanted to keep it a surprise, she would play along with him. Sliding into the bench, she settled in beside him with little distance between them.

“Oi, why are you sitting so close to me?” He inched to the right to put some space between them.

She instantly covered the gap he made between them. “Juvia wants to be close to Gray-sama.”

“Do you have to be sitting right next me?” he complained.

Unbothered by his complaint, she clutched his left arm and snuggled into him. His body was stiff, but he didn’t move away. Juvia saw that as a win. “Juvia missed Gray-sama.”

“We just saw each other yesterday,” Gray pointed out.

“Juvia has been apart from Gray-sama for too long.”

“Quit being lovebirds and get a room,” Gajeel’s gruff voice interrupted them from the table next door. His head was partially hidden behind the large brown book titled “Cats” in his hands.

“We weren’t!” Gray exclaimed. The ice mage smirked when his gaze took in the unlikely sight of a book in Gajeel’s hands. “I didn’t know you read,” he mocked.

“Unlike you, I’m expanding my knowledge,” Gajeel said, not averting his gaze from the book.

“Gajeel-kun is reading more these days,” Juvia observed.

“I think looking cat photographs can hardly be considered “reading”,” Levy said from opposite Gajeel. She sighed. “I don’t know if I should be jealous of the felines.”

“Even your girlfriend agrees with me,” Gray snickered.

“What did ya say?!” Gajeel slammed the book on the table and rose from the bench. He pinned a hard stare on Gray.

“Wanna go at it?” Gray calmly countered, unintimidated.

“Oh?! There’s a fight?!” Natsu excitedly joined them out of nowhere.

Gajeel launched the first move by throwing a punch to Gray’s face. Gray dodged it easily and attacked with his own punch. Gajeel deflected it by blocking with his forearm. Natsu seized the opportunity to ambush him with a flaming punch from his left. Gray, in turn, landed an uppercut to Natsu. The fight had quickly escalated with them fighting one another. There was a flurry of movement as they exchanged attacks. 

“Go, Gray-sama!” Juvia cheered.

Lucy sighed from her table on the right. “Why are you urging them on, Juvia?”

Levy simply shook her head at the meaningless brawl. She picked up the “Cats” book Gajeel left and started reading it herself.

“Now, now,” Mira interrupted, coming over with a tray of in both hands. “How about you guys eat fir–” A flying mug struck her head, and down she fell.

All activities suddenly halted.

Even Gajeel, Natsu and Gray abruptly stopped their brawl as they witnessed her falling to the ground in slow-motion with wide horrified eyes.

A collective gasp echoed throughout the guild, replaced a moment later by an eerie silence. The silence was then followed by something even more terrifying – the static buzz of electricity.

Laxus.

The lightning dragonslayer stared down harshly at Natsu and Gray, who were hugging each other for dear life. Gajeel was nowhere to be seen. “W-we are sorry!” the duo desperately begged for forgiveness.

A bolt of lightning struck them mercilessly. The duo’s bodies twitched involuntarily from the jolt of electricity. Burnt to a crisp, the blackened duo faltered soullessly before they collapsed to the ground. Carrying the fallen Mira in his arms, Laxus wordlessly left the scene. He strode to the second floor, his heavy fur coat fluttering in the air behind him.

Once he disappeared into the second floor, all activities resumed from where they were paused. “Gray-sama!” Juvia rushed to him. Like Natsu, Gray’s eyes were unfocused on his surroundings. Lucy helped Natsu to sit up as Wendy casted her healing powers on him. “You two asked for it,” Lucy sighed.

Once Natsu was mostly healed up, Wendy moved on to cure Gray. Natsu glared angrily at him. “If it wasn’t because of you, I could have won!” Lucy whacked his head. “Ow! What was that for, Lucy?”

“That’s the first thing you say?!” she scolded him.

Even though Gray wasn’t healed up yet, Natsu’s comment ignited his spirit. “It was your stupid arse that sent the bloody mug flying!”

“You saying it’s because of me?!”

“Yeah, who else, idiot?”

“What did you just call me, you arsehole?”

“I called you an idiot, so what?”

Just as Natsu prepared to go for another round, Lucy shouted at the both of them. “That’s enough!”

Both of them breathing heavily, the duo barely controlled their anger and turned away from the other.

“The iron bastard fled his scaredy arse as soon as he saw Laxus,” Gray snickered.

“The bastard,” Natsu echoed, gritting his teeth.

“You guys are lucky Erza is away,” Lucy reminded them.

“Are you okay, Gray-sama?” Juvia asked worriedly beside him.

“Don’t worry, he’ll be healed up in just a bit,” Wendy assured her.

__________________

An hour later, it was as though nothing had happened. The only evidence left behind was the destruction mark from Laxus’ lightning.

Having regained consciousness not long ago, Mira assumed her barmaid duties again. Despite what happened earlier, she served their lunch with a bright smile on her face. Gray appeared apprehensive as she placed the plates on the table. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“I’m all right. It was just an accident,” Mira reassured him. “Don’t forget,” she added cheerfully before she moved to Lucy and Natsu’s table.

Confused by her reminder, Juvia glanced at Gray. “What did Mira-san mean, Gray-sama?”

“Uhh,” he thought about it for a moment. “It’s not important. Let’s just eat.”

Juvia furrowed her brows in puzzlement. Not wanting to push it yet, she dug right in to her meal with Gray. She scooped up some of her food and offered the spoon to Gray. “Here, Gray-sama, ahhh.”

He hesitated, glanced at her, then awkwardly accepted the spoon. “That’s enough,” he said firmly.

Juvia smiled, satisfied that he ate from her spoon. “Gray-sama’s lips touched Juvia’s spoon!” she swooned. “We had our first kiss with this spoon!”

“The hell we did!” Gray appeared uncomfortable by the notion. “If you’re gonna see it that way, then you’ve kissed everyone in the guild,” he said, smirking.

“Juveen!” she exclaimed, horrified by the prospect. “Th-that means...Juvia doesn’t know who she gave her first kiss to?!”

“I don’t even know mine,” Gray said nonchalantly, taking another scoop of his food.

Juvia began to sob. “Juvia couldn’t give hers to Gray-sama, and Juvia lost Gray-sama’s first kiss to a stranger.” Gray’s smirk grew wider at her reaction.

__________________

A few hours had trickled by painfully slowly.

Gray had yet to made a move.

Juvia bit her lips nervously. After his brawl with Natsu and Gajeel earlier, he had kept to himself with his drink. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Nope, Juvia definitely wasn’t losing hope. Not at all. That wasn’t the reason why she kept not-so-discreetly glancing his way or why she couldn’t sit still. She was just full of energy, as always, and the energy leaks caused her to be jittery. That’s all.

“Oi, Lucy!” Natsu called out loudly as he strode over to where Lucy sat at a table. Along with Happy, they had gone out without telling anyone what they were up to. She glanced up from the Sorcerer Magazine she was reading. “Oh, Natsu. You’re back.”

Flying over to the table, Happy landed on top and took out something from his rear green pouch. His tiny paws offered a blue salmon fish tied with a red bow to Lucy. A single ‘X’ dotted the fish’s pair of eyes while its mouth was open agape in its dead state. “I got you fish for White Valentine!” Happy said, proud of his ‘gift’.

“You...got me a dead fish for White Valentine?” Lucy warily asked the blue Exceed.

“Aye! Fish is delicious,” Happy replied, missing the uncertainty in Lucy’s tone. “I’m so tempted to eat it right now...” The blue cat started to drool as his hungry eyes devoured the fish in his paws.

“Why don’t you have it then?” Lucy suggested with a grin.

“R-really?!” The celestial mage nodded. Overcome by hunger, Happy began munching on the fish there and then with a blissful look on his face. Lucy smiled sympathetically at him. “You should have eaten first,” she said, some guilt lacing her tone.

“Hey, Lucy! I got something for you too.” Without any hesitation, Natsu coolly offered her a...burnt rectangular box with tattered edges. There were hints of red on the box, but most of the shade had been transformed to a rusty brown from presumably Natsu’s fire.

The celestial mage carefully accepting the burnt gift, as though afraid it’d disintegrate any moment. “I want to say thank you but...what is this?” Lucy asked.

“Can’t you see? It’s a box!” Natsu cheerily told her.

“I know it’s a box, you idiot! Why is it burnt?”

“Oh, that well...” Natsu said, scratching his head. “There were some bad guys on the way back...”

“Pffft. You chased away the boys who wanted to pass Lucy their chocolates,” Happy snitched on his best friend. His revelation caused her to blush.

“Oi, Happy!” Natsu scolded the mischievous cat. “I kicked their ass because they picked a fight with me!”

“Sureee,” Happy drawled out teasingly.

“You!” Natsu was barely holding back his annoyance.

“Well...thank you, I guess,” Lucy said shyly.

“Lucy is blushing,” Happy teased her this time.

She immediately glared at the sly cat. “Shut up.” Happy tried to hide his giggles by covering his mouth with his paws.

Lucy’s eyes sharpened as she regarded them suspiciously. “Why are the two of you suddenly giving me gifts on White Valentine?” she questioned. “What trouble have you gotten into?”

Natsu raised a hand to the back of his head and tried to laugh it off. “Geez, Lucy, why do you think I’ve gotten into trouble when I get you stuff?”

Lucy narrowed her eyes. “Something is fishy,” she said, before rushing to add, “and it’s not the damn fish!”

Happy was stunned by her words, his mouth open in disbelief. It looked like his soul had left his body. “How can you say that, Lucy?” he said, hurt by her comment.

“Wait,” Lucy said, grasping something. “Did you burn my manuscripts?! That’s why you’re trying to make up for it by giving me chocolate?!”

“Huh? No!” Natsu sounded confused. “I only read a couple pages–”

“So you admit you looked at them without my permission! I told you not to!”

“My curiosity was killing me! I needed to know what happened to Prince Colton–” Lucy hurriedly covered his mouth before he could leak anymore details of the story. “Shut up!”

“Mhmph!” Natsu tried to speak against her hands.

So Lucy received her chocolate.

Juvia dropped her gaze to her hands in her lap. She felt happy for Lucy, truly, even though she sometimes teased the celestial mage for being her love rival. However, the lack of action from Gray was weighing down on her spirits.

Maybe Gray-sama doesn’t care as much as Juvia thought...

When she lifted her head, she caught Gajeel smirking down at a furiously blushing Levy. In her hand was a chocolate bar wrapped in dark grey paper. She made a motion with her free hand to ask Gajeel to lean closer. He did as instructed, bending down his head. She leaned in to whisper into his ear, only to stop halfway and peck him on the cheek instead.

Juvia rubbed her comically large eyes – she thought she saw Gajeel blushing. No, it was her eyes playing tricks on her...

Coming back to the present, Juvia sighed deeply. Even Levy had received her chocolate. Gray was taking a while...

But that’s okay. She was patient – she could wait...

...and wait...

The waiting stretched out longer than she thought...

...till dusk had fallen and he still hadn’t made a move.

Why was she doing this to herself? She knew Gray wasn’t one for romantic gestures, thus it was unlikely he even realised what day it was. Yet, her heart hopelessly clung onto the hope that he would know.

That this time, he would do something for her.

She was wrong, and it hurt.

It was her fault for putting her faith on something that didn’t exist in the first place.

“Juvia doesn’t feel well. She wants to retire,” she told Gray beside her, standing up from the bench.

“You were fine in the day,” Gray stated, puzzled.

“Juvia must be coming down with a cold,” she said, depressed. “Good night, Gray-sama.”

“Good night, Juvia,” he returned, still confused.

Without looking back at him, Juvia left the guild and trudged backnto Fairy Hills with tears in her eyes.

__________________

Juvia opened the door to her darkened room and switched on the lights. Feeling both mentally and physically tired, she took off her hat and passed by the living room on the way to her bathroom. Her footsteps halted, then U-turned back to the living room.

She thought she saw a foreign object...

True enough, as she approached her coffee table, she caught sight of a rectangular sapphire box with snowflake pattern sitting in the centre. Hope bloomed in her chest. “Could it be?” she whispered softly, afraid if she spoke louder, this would just be a dream.

Carefully picking it up, she opened the lid to a delightful surprise of individual round chocolates wrapped in gold foil. The box didn’t specify its sender, but it didn’t need to.

If the snowflakes weren’t clear enough, there was only one person who was shy about affectionate gestures – so much so that he had to sneak into her room when she was out to give her this box. Her room was filled with said person.

Juvia thought she was proven wrong. She was – just not in the way she expected. Only this time, her heart wasn’t hurting but soaring with happiness.

Gazing fondly at the chocolates, Juvia smiled softly. She unwrapped one of the chocolates and brought it into her mouth, slowly chewing the cocoa goodness. It melted satisfyingly within seconds. Juvia savoured the fleeting delicious taste before it made its way down her throat.

“It’s sweet,” Juvia said, smiling.

Half an hour later, after she had showered, she turned off the lights and tucked herself into bed. Her night lamp cast a soft glow on the Gray doll which faced her with a small smile on her side-table.

She smiled contentedly. “Good night, Gray-sama. Juvia had a great day.” She reached over to kiss him on the cheek, then pulled out the plug to flood the room with darkness.

__________________

“I can’t believe you didn’t get Juvia anything today,” Lucy said to Gray. He sat beside her at the bar, a mug of ale in front of him. Mira was wiping the glasses and plates on the other side.

“Who said I didn’t? You just didn’t see it,” Gray told her.

Lucy stared at him in disbelief. “If you had given her something, she wouldn’t have left the guild looking so depressed.”

Gray sighed. “I left it in her room.”

“So you actually got her something?!” Lucy was surprised.

“Yeah.” Gray fixed his gaze on Mira. “Mira over here threatened to beat my arse if I didn’t.”

“Don’t think I forgot what you did earlier,” Laxus told Gray in warning from the corner he was seated at. The ice mage immediately glanced away from Mira. The barmaid smiled sweetly at him. “Good job. Thank you, Gray.”

“How did you even get in?” Lucy asked.

Gray smirked. He proudly showed the solid ice key he kept in his pocket. “I made a copy.”

“But you couldn’t have given it to her like a man? Really, Gray?” Lucy teased him.

Gray tsked and drank his ale. “She would be clingy as hell if I’d done that.”

“I was starting to think you liked her sticking by your side,” Lucy said playfully.

“Did the Natsu get you anything?” Gray diverted the attention away from him.

This time it was Lucy’s turn to sigh. “If raw fish and burnt chocolate counts, then yes.”

Gray snickered. “The idiot.” Pulling his elbows away from the bar counter, Gray rose from his stool. “I’m tired. See ya.” Not waiting for their reply, he lifted his hand in a wave and sauntered away with his hands in his pockets.

Lucy yawned after he left. “I think I’m going to bed too. Good night, Mira-san,” she said, waving more enthusiastically than Gray.

With the departure of Gray and Lucy, only Mira and Laxus were left in guild. It was a common occurrence for the lightning dragonslayer to stay behind whenever he was in town.

“So am I not getting any chocolate, Laxus?” Mira asked him with a deceivingly innocent smile. She sighed dramatically. “Poor me. I arranged for Lucy and Juvia to receive chocolate from their shy men. Meanwhile, I’m left with nothing.”

Laxus flicked an annoyed glance at her. Reaching inside his fur coat, he retrieved a purple box and set it in the counter. “Women are so difficult,” he muttered.

“What did you say, Laxus? I didn’t quite catch it,” Mira asked calmly as she opened the box.

“Nothing,” was his gruff denial.

She brought a piece of round white chocolate into her mouth. Her jaw moved slightly from side to side as she tasted the chocolate. “It’s quite bitter,” she said while chewing.

Laxus seemed a little confused by her comment. “What do you mean it’s bitter? It’s white chocolate.”

“I’m telling you it’s bitter.” Pressing her palms onto the counter for balance, Mira leaned closer to his face. “But I know how to make it sweeter.” His gaze dropped to her chocolate-stained lips. Going in for her target, she tilted her head and captured his lips for a kiss.

Just as he was immersing into the action, she pulled back with a smirk. “It’s sweeter now,” she licked her lips.

“I need to taste it for myself.” Laxus’ hand wrapped around the back of her head and drew her to him for an encore.

Fin.

__________________

A/N: First of all, I hope you at least enjoyed the words I've squeezed out from my braincells, Liyah! Of course, I couldn't pull the GrayLu banter as well as you. Merry Christmas!

This is my first time writing NaLu and having so many characters in a single fanfic. I hope I'll be confident to write NaLu again in the near future! 

Fun fact: once again, I broke the record for my longest fanfic in my second time writing for @adramaticbeauty. Please don't tell me my next fanfic gift will be 5k, haha.

[ai-katsuu]

Wonderland Ball (4/4)

Chapters: 1�� 2  3  4 

previous chapter 

-----

“Have you ever seen them fight like that?” Briar asked.

Hans shook his head, “Never. At least not in front of us. Either way, I think it’s safe to say this is the biggest fight they’ve ever had.” 

“And this isn’t just a meaningless fight, this is serious, about status.” Noki noted. 

“Not saying that it’s solely Jack, we’ve all had our fair share of nobility privilege,” Arthur referred to the rest of his F7 teammates, “but Jack has always had it bad. Next to his looks, status has always been important to him.”

“But that was before he met Audrey! Right..?” Goldie worriedly asked them.

“I have no doubt that Jack cares more about Audrey than either of the two, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t value those two things still.” Merlin said, “As bad as this fight is, it’s not enough to bring them down. Far from it.”

“Is it our business to get involved though?” Gretel crossed her arms concerned, “I mean as interesting as it was, we weren’t really supposed to be listening to their private conversation.”

“If they wanted to have a private conversation they shouldn’t have done it in the parlor. You know, where everyone hangs out.” Peter noted. 

Gretel looked at him, “Peter that’s not the poin-” 

“No- wait, he might be right.” Snow put her hand on Gretel’s shoulder. “We could say we overheard them and that would give us the excuse to talk to both of them.” 

“Are you sure it’s alright though, what if they don’t want us to get involved,” Pino said. 

“If they say so the first time then we stop.” Snow responded. 

Kio nodded,  “Let’s split up in half then, one to Audrey and the other to Jack. Is everyone okay with that?”

The rest agreed and they set off two find the other half. Merlin, Briar, Noki, Kio, Peter, and Gretel found Audrey in the center of the square garden, lying down by the fountain. It wasn’t that hard to find her, given that the garden is in the center of all three wings of the palace and the large glass walls made it easy for anyone in the hallways to see. The bun she had her hair in was now removed. Audrey let her fingers float on the surface of the running water, debating on just falling in and sleeping there for the night. 

That was impossible for one reason only, which is that in their wedding vows they had both said they would never go to bed angry at each other. But right now, she just wanted to take a short nap underwater though, like she always did when she was stressed. She shifted her weight to the edge of the fountain before a pair of hands stopped her. Annoyed and slightly alarmed, she looked to see who it was.

“I know you don’t get wet from it, but try not to fall in the water? You’re gonna ruin that dress, as well as your make-up.” Peter said. 

Audrey only frowned back, “What are you doing here?” 

“We’re trying to make sure you sleep in a warm, comfy bed, not with the fishes.” Merlin sat down next to her. Audrey sat up and saw Briar, Noki, Kio, and Gretel as well. 

She sighed, “And I supposed you all heard the whole thing?” 

“Kind of. Sorry.” Gretel admitted. 

Audrey shook her head. “It’s fine. It was the parlor, we shouldn’t have argued there.” Peter raised his head at Gretel and mouthed an ‘I told you so!’ to her.

“Audrey, we heard both sides of the argument, and you’re right.” Briar started, “I’ve gotten the opportunity to live both lives. Raised in a palace when I was younger and trapped in a cabin in the woods for the next half. They’re very different but both are nice ways of living.”

Gretel nodded, “Agreed. Though I retained my title after I left my palace I got the chance to live with commoners and it was wonderful. I appreciated all the sorts of traditions that were different from mine.”

“I’m more on the commoners' side, never liked royalty but I don’t hate its perks of it,” Peter added.

“Right? They’ve all experienced it, not just you.” Merlin smiled, to which Audrey returned the gesture, “And you know who else has experienced it?” 

Audrey chuckled, “You?” Merlin shook his head,

“Far from it, born with a silver spoon in my mouth. Try again.” 

“Well if not you then,” Audrey's smile faded as the realization hit her, “Jack…”

On the other side of the palace, Snow, Arthur, Hans, Gwen, Pino, and Goldie found Jack at the astronomy tower. He hated heights. That was a fact that everyone knew aside from him refusing to eat any sort of beans. But he had been so caught up in his thoughts he didn’t realize he was climbing the handleless open stairwell and was now sitting here stuck, in fear he might fall climbing back down. 

“This was literally the last place I thought we’d find you.” Arthur opened the wooden doors. 

“Oh thank heavens you’re here. Put that strength of yours to use and carry me down” Jack raised his arms up. 

Arthur laughed, “As much as I would love to humiliate you, that’s not why we’re here.” he gestured to the rest entering. 

“Hey...sorry to intrude.” Gwen offered a small smile. 

Jack shook his head, “It’s fine. I don’t like being here alone.” 

“So the fight really got to your head that much?” she asked. 

“You were listening?” he frowned.

“Well, even if we weren’t your voices were pretty loud. Heard it from down the hall.” Goldie said.

Jack's face had a hint of concern, “Was my voice that loud?” 

Goldie shook her head, “It was the both of you but that doesn’t matter now.”  

Pino sat beside him, “Jack, I’m sure even you must know you value all the nobility way too much. It’s not bad to live your life that way, but-”

“If it’s not that bad then she should live that way too. As her husband, I have a responsibility to give her the best life has to offer.” 

“That’s true but have you considered the thought that your ‘best’ may not be the same as her ‘best’?” Gwen told him. Jack was about to ask what she meant before he continued. “You and Audrey come from very different backgrounds. That may seem like something bad but the truth is, you always need to have a partner that is different than you. It keeps things balanced. It’s literally the fitting definition of the phrase ‘you complete me’.”

“You see Jack, there are dreamers and there are realists in this world. You'd think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists, but more often than not the opposite is true.” Pino told him, “You see, the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun. And the realists, well without the dreamers, they might not ever get off the ground.”

“Yeah! I always try to calm Noki down when he’s being too much of a perfectionist, and he makes sure I don’t get killed trying new things out in the forest.” Goldie agreed

“Though in your case, I think both of you individually are dreamers and realists. Fifty-fifty.” Arthur said, “But regardless, Pino is right. It’s good that you’re having these fights because it will only make you understand each other better. Don’t go around picking fights though.” he quickly added.

“In order to understand her though, you really have to picture her whole life.” Snow gently said. “Her whole life she had to fend for herself, get her own food, make her own money...well she may not have always gotten these things the lawful way..but disregard that part.” 

“But that just proves my point though,” Jack looked at her, “I don’t want her to live that way where she has to risk her life just to eat.” 

“” Risking her life’ is exaggerating a bit, but I get what you mean. But has it ever occurred to you that because she grew up with that lifestyle, she doesn’t want to let it go? It would be like losing a bit of her past.” Snow told him. 

“It was much too easy for you, Jack.” Hans said, “You left your old life behind as soon as the doors of nobility were open to you. Nothing wrong with that but since you were once a commoner, don’t you think you of all people should make an effort to see where she’s coming from?”

“He was a farmer, right?” Audrey asked Merlin to which he nodded.

“He made news of the prince who went from Rags to Riches. He was the first prince I invited to join the F7,” he told her. 

“Before that, he was very hardworking though. He would work the grounds and fields ordered by his uncle. Dawn to dusk.” Noki said. 

“He didn’t have much to get by with, only enough to feed them both,” Kio added. 

Each word they said only made Audrey feel worse as she replayed the last thing she said to Jack. She felt stupid and inconsiderate. He had only lightly mentioned his past before he became a prince, but he never went in too deep with it; she never pushed on it either. 

“So that’s why he was so obsessed with nobility and riches...it was something he was deprived of and what he longed for when he was younger.” Audrey looked down in shame. 

“He may not have said it well, but he does have the best intentions for you.” Gretel told her, “I think he just needs a bit of time to understand the social equality and rights between classes.”

“You guys are human, you both made mistakes. Communication is important more than ever in times like these. You should go look for him.”  Briar told Audrey.

“But how do I even apologize to her?” Jack asked Gwen, “I said all those things to her face...I basically insulted her as a person.” he cringed at himself.

“Just talk to her as you always have,” Gwen told him, “Talk to her gently. If she needs to vent then let her. As her husband, you need to listen to her.” 

“I don’t know if I can even make it through him venting.” Audrey ran her fingers through her hair at Kio’s suggestion. 

Merlin laughed, “If you start crying then Jack will drop everything he’s doing. You have nothing to worry about.” 

“Go find him.”

“Go find her.” 

Before thanking them with a smile, Audrey ran out of the garden into the palace halls. Jack burst through the doors of the astronomy tower, although hesitated when he was a few steps down, but was then given a literal push by Arthur as he ran down the steps. Audrey tried her best to run in her Christmas heels, and her hair was beyond fixed now, but she didn’t notice until she saw Jack turn the corner. 

“Jack!

“Audrey..!”

“I’m sorry!” they both said as they stopped just a meter from each other. Both of their faces red and sweaty from running and exhaustion.

“Jack, I’m sorry I said that. I should’ve known you of all people knew what commoners go through and you had such a rough time so of cour-”

“No! Audrey, please don’t say that!” Jack put his hands out, “I was stupid and inconsiderate and I should know better than to insult how you lived. I may not understand how both classes are the same but if you say so then it must be true. I promise I’ll try my best to understand. You’ve lived as a commoner your whole life and you turned out to be the person I fell in love with. So you’re right, they’re not as bad as I say they are. I shouldn’t have said those awful things.”

“Oh, Jack, I,” Audrey paused from his words, unsure what to say except, “I love you. I love you, Jack. I’m so sorry we had this fight.” 

“No, no, it’s alright. This is a good thing.” he assured her as he pulled her in his arms, “I love you as well.”

She looked up at him, “So are we okay?” 

Jack chuckled, “I should be asking you that.” 

“Of course I am!” she laughed. Jack, happy to hear it again, easily lifted her up and spun her around the halls as their laughter filled the halls. 

“You look lovely in your dress by the way, it’s not often I get to see you all dressed up.” Jack noted.

“Right?! Isabella made it for me, she even picked out these shoes for me,” Audrey lifted her heels.

“I know, they’re fabulous.” 

At the end of the hallway by the corner was a relieved group of princes and princesses, happy that this finally all came to an end.

[redhoodieone]

Here with You

A/N: Hi everyone! This is my first requested fluffy fic from @yeetthatpussy. Thank you so much for the idea! This was fun and a big change for me since all I do is write smut and nasty things hahaha. Also, I want to point out I did not give Bruce an age or the reader, since I believe readers should imagine Bruce and themselves the way they want. I personally imagine Bruce like how he was in the animated movie, “Justice League War” since I happened to be watching that particular movie a while ago (because some of you might imagine Ben Affleck, Christian Bale, or the new Robert Pattinson). So other than that enjoy the story!

@randomdcfangirl @jasonredtoddhood @lady-of-the-abyss @psychovigilantewrites Enjoy this my friends.

Warnings: Language and just pure pink, yummy fluffy cotton candy!

It became a habit; a tradition really, when Bruce and I would have free time to hang out. Every Friday night is our “friend date time”, the title came from Bruce, when he realized over the past two months that I’m the first female in his life who has remained by his side and hasn’t put up with his bullshit.

True, women have come and gone throughout his life, specifically Selina Kyle. I’m no stranger to her, since she has played a pretty big part in Bruce’s life. Although she was always civil to me, I admit, I couldn’t help but feel envious of her beauty and body.

I sometimes wonder why Bruce permanently let her go.

I consider myself average. Maybe not overly beautiful like supermodels, but I’ve been told by family and friends I’m awfully pretty, sweet, funny, and kind. I’m about average height, and I admit I do have feminine curves. But overall, I’ve learned to love myself, and I’ve also had my fair share of ex-boyfriends and dates.

But none of my relationships have lasted more than three months. Considering my anxiety and what my doctor has described as PTSD from the eight year mental and physical abuse from my alcoholic father and uncle, my past boyfriends left me because I’m a nutcase (they really didn’t know how to help me or understand my past and current issues). Let’s just say I’m too much to handle when I’m alone or in a too comfortable environment.

And my latest ex-boyfriend Josh (who was a sweetheart, but I broke up with him because I just couldn’t be in another relationship at that moment) has been hinting to get back together with me for some time. But after I realized I’m never going to be able to move on from my past, I accept the fact that I should be alone and stay alone.

Because at least I would never betray or hurt myself, I believe.

But here I am. I’m being escorted to our usual table at one of Bruce’s restaurants. The waiter smiles once we meet up with Bruce at our table.

Knowing Bruce for a few years has given me reason maybe some men aren’t so bad. The media and tabloids have always painted him as a man-whore and spoiled rich boy, but after witnessing the doofus trip over his own shoes at work, (I happened to be at Wayne Enterprises for an interview with him, as I am a journalist) I realized he was exactly like everyone else.

Clumsy, foolish, and funny.

Bruce stands to greet me, while looking extremely handsome in black suit. His hair is nicely combed, and his grin is his usual smirk. His blue eyes brighten the room from its golden décor.

“Y/N, you look beautiful,” Bruce compliments me, with a kiss to the cheek.

It’s true. I feel more confident tonight since I’m wearing my favorite short black Gucci dress. I decided to curl my hair a bit and wear little makeup since I try very hard to look more natural to love myself more.

“You’re not so bad yourself, Bruce,” I respond politely. I sit down, and he pushes my chair in. As he takes his seat, the waiter quickly brings our appetizers of loaded potato skins and mozzarella cheese sticks and marinara sauce. “Didn’t you want to stay home and order pizza and watch a movie?”

“We did that last week. I figured...why not treat my favorite girl to a fancy dinner so we can talk shit about the rich people around us while we pig out on our favorite food?” Bruce answers, and gives me a soft smile.

“I guess you have a point since food is always a way to win me over,” I chuckle and then raise an eyebrow at him. “Did you just say I’m your favorite girl?”

“Well, you are Y/N. I mean, you gave me a chance to show you the real me. You didn’t let the media and tabloids change your mind about me. You know me better than most people think they do. Hell, you’ve even been there for me during the anniversary of my parents’ deaths. You’ve even seen me in my darkest times, and not once did you leave me or try to change who I am,” Bruce confesses softly. It sounds as if he wants to continue on with his confession, but he stops himself. He ends up smirking at me. “Anyways, is Josh still bothering you so you can take him back?”

“No, I mean…I haven’t heard from him today. What about Selina?” I tease him back.

“I haven’t spoken to her in four months. But I guess I wouldn’t know if she’s called the manor considering you take up most of my time anyways. I swear, the more we hang out with each other, the more we become like a married couple.”

“A married couple?” I repeat.

“Yes, since we’re always together and you know me better than any other woman. Hell, I don’t think I even allow most women to know certain details about my parents’ deaths or my sons. I have to protect so much of my life, but with you, I just found out I want to protect you as well,” Bruce explains.

I’m stunned to hear this right now. Of course, I know about Bruce’s parents’ deaths. I even know about his sons: Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian, too.

The sweet, handsome charming Dick Grayson.

The tough, strong and huggable teddy bear man Jason Todd.

The smart, wise, and computer genius Tim Drake.

And of course, the small, mature, handsome Damian Wayne, Bruce’s miniature version of him.

I knew Dick, Jason, and Tim were Bruce’s adopted sons (and he loves and worries about them so much) and I’ve even come to love every one of them, especially Damian. Bruce had told me Damian’s mother had left him with Bruce, and even though Damian had been arrogant, rude, and sometimes defensive, he’s come to respect me and even likes me hanging around the manor as long as I don’t steal his father most of the time.

And being close to all of them, I see Bruce has made a wonderful family, and I envy almost everything about that.

I even know Alfred. He’s a one real son of a bitch who doesn’t put up with Bruce either.

But the way Bruce is speaking of me kindly is starting to freak me out. I was never one to receive compliments or kindness before.

I decide to change the subject quickly. We both serve ourselves our favorite appetizers and dig in.

“So, what are your sons doing tonight? Causing trouble or just lounging around the manor?” I ask, with a small smile.

But Bruce seems to not realize what I did; unless he’s hiding it.

“Dick is probably out with Barbara. And I believe Jason, Tim, and Damian are bothering Alfred for their usual nighttime snacks,” Bruce replies, and then exhales heavily. “Y/N...I-I really need to talk to you and I just need you to listen.”

“Bruce...” I warn him. My heart already aches because I’ve been keeping a secret of my own and I finally realize what frightens me.

Bruce.

Bruce terrifies me.

Why?

Because I’m in love with him.

My mind flashes back to the memories of when Bruce tripped, and how everyone chucked at the Prince of Gotham, and how I helped him with a small smile on my face, because he took my breath away with his natural charm and handsome good looks. And when he showed up at my apartment with pizza and horror movies because I was too sick to leave and go out into the chilly rainstorm.

Or how when my younger sister got married, Bruce offered to be my “date” since he knew I couldn’t find a date in time. But he also showered the bride and groom with gifts and surprised my sister and my new brother-in-law with an amazing already paid honeymoon to Paris and Italy for an entire week! The whole night we spent dancing together, my head rested against his chest, and then I suddenly felt my heart beating inhumanly fast and slow at the same time.

Bruce’s hands remained on me the entire night. Just him touching me made me feel I was dancing on clouds the entire night.

Just the thought of Bruce makes me want to faint and fall because these feelings are scaring the shit out of me.

“Please listen to me, Y/N. I need to tell you what’s been going on in my head lately, because I don’t know how much longer I can keep it to myself,” Bruce begins, appearing more nervous than before. The usual confidence and smile on his face is now replaced with his eyes pleading for me to listen to him and his body is tense. “I-I don’t think I can keep pretending to be your best friend anymore. I can’t keep acting like I just want to be your friend. I can’t stick around anymore and see you date assholes who don’t know the real beautiful, kind, funny girl, you really are. Just the thought of you dating them makes me want to beat the shit out of them and possibly drop them off on a deserted island forever...okay that last part was supposed to be a joke, but I guess my sense of humor is different than most. Maybe I’m not kidding at all...”

I can feel my stomach hurt from this stressful situation. Bruce sees me eyeing the exit.

“Y/N, I-I love you. I love you so much that just saying these words isn’t common for me, because after all these years of meaningless dates, hookups, and reckless partying, I think I see why love is very rare. I didn’t think I would ever fall in love, and I even trained myself not to either. My parents were the true definition and example of love, and with them gone, I suppose I really let myself fall more into the darkness and isolation than I ever thought I could reach. But knowing you, you just showed up in my life as sunshine; just bursting with energy and life in a room when all my life I felt alone. W-what I’m really trying to say is, I want us to give us a chance.”

I slowly look up at him. I instantly felt betrayed, as if this is just a joke. “You...want to date me?” I barely whisper.

“Of course, Y/N. I’m serious about this,” Bruce says, appearing as if I’ve offended him and doubted him. He looks distraught and anxious. “I’m-I’m in love with you. I want us to be together. Official.”

When those words leave Bruce’s mouth, I suddenly realize, he’s NEVER, EVER said those words before. The words sound raw and rare; like a child speaking for the first time in their lives.

The thought of being close to a man like Bruce sends waves of paranoia and fright throughout my body. The last time I was intimate or even lying next to a man resulted in nightmares and fears of being hurt all over again.

I was just a child when my father and uncle would come home from work drunk, and how they would request my little sister and I to climb in bed with them. Being the oldest, I tried my hardest to protect my sister, and I ended up fighting them back; defending us from their violent drunken behavior.

Which always resulted with me getting hit, slapped, kicked, and thrown to the ground. Even though I eventually learned to fight back, I would always panic and feel defenseless until I fight back.

But it would always come down to that first hit to the face that would make every memory and nightmare come back to life for me.

I can just feel my father’s fist striking my mouth again.

The pain feels real again.

“How could you be in love with me if you don’t know a thing about me?” I ask. I realize I sound harsh and bitter.

“What?”

“Let me just say one thing, Bruce. You don’t really know me, because I only let you see what I want you to see,” I snap. I fill with sudden anger and pain. If only Bruce knew the real me. If only Bruce saw what kind of pathetic mess I am. “Unlike you, your life is Gotham’s most known story of your parent’s generosity, luxury, and their deaths. You don’t have to hide anything. I myself, have to hide a lot just so I don’t lose my mind and get locked up in Arkham and so I don’t lose those closest to me because I’m a walking, fucking time-bomb. Do you know how hard it is to put on a strong, brave, face even when I want to cry and show everyone how hurt I am and how much pain I go through each day?! You don’t because your life is fucking perfect, so why don’t you leave me alone and go find the perfect girl because I’m too damaged to love and fix!”

The pain, anger, and fear take over me. I knock all glasses of wine and plates of food off the table and I storm out, leaving a poor, terrified Bruce Wayne behind.

I’m rushing down the sidewalk to go far away, anywhere from here. The tears fall down my cheeks, and I start to hate myself even more for letting my past get the best of me.

After everything that’s happened, I don’t think I’m fully capable of being in love, in a serious relationship, married, having children, or just a family in general.

Only good people have that; the people who were never hurt or touched dangerously in their whole lives.

Just when I think I’m far away, Bruce manages to catch up to me by running VERY fast. He grabs my arm to stop me, and just that forceful touch awakens something within me: I go into defense mode to protect myself.

Just like all those years ago.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” I yell. My fist makes a hard connection to Bruce’s jaw; knocking him to the ground.

People around are watching us; gasping and pointing at us. Bruce looks up at me and holds his jaw. “Ow...”

I begin to breathe heavily before I begin to cry again. Bruce immediately gets back on his and comes to me.

“Y/N...please tell me what’s bothering you,” Bruce says softly. He doesn’t lie a hand on me, but he’s watching me intently.

“My past. I-I can’t seem to move forward without having to be dragged back every mile,” I answer quietly.

“Is this about your father and uncle?”

My eyes widen. I look up at him. “How did you-”

“You talk in your sleep. I’ve heard you have nightmares before, and after listening and lying beside you for some time, I put the pieces together. They abused you, and you tried to get out,” Bruce admits, before he sighs. “The reason why I never told you I knew about it is because I wasn’t sure if telling you was...appropriate, and considering you never made the attempt to tell me yourself. I just...didn’t want to cross a line and make you feel more pain, but I suppose I fucked up by not saying anything.”

“It’s not your fault. I always figured, ‘why bring it up if you’re just going back to past when you just want to be here’...in the present,” I mutter under my breath.

I think back on the times Bruce and I would fall asleep on his couch. After our movie nights, I would fall asleep on his arm and he would hold me until the morning came. Ever since then, the couch has been like a bed to us; the closest to a bed we’d ever share.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I-I didn’t know how much pain you’ve been in. But please let me help you,” Bruce begs, and reaches out to touch my hands but removes them quickly after what happened. “You don’t have to be alone during this time. Let me be there like you were there for me.”

“I’m never going to get better, Bruce. I have so many ugly scars, I could never be loved for who I am and what I've been through. After all this time, I thought I would be my best, but I ended up just getting worse. Maybe I should just give up and be at peace with myself for the first time in forever,” I whisper. “I’ll just keep trying again and again, because I don’t think there’s a reason to keep going forward, because I never will.”

Bruce’s mouth opens to speak, and the horror takes over his face when I find the little strength to stroll over to the street and walk into the fast driving cars in traffic in hopes of dying the quickest way possible.

A taxi is speeding down an open lane and is heading right for me. I stop in my tracks and look at the driver in hopes my past will never hurt me again.

Because I’ll be dead.

But strong arms pull me out of the way; knocking me and whoever saved me back onto the sidewalk. I’m on top of a big, hard body and the time I sit up to look down, I see Bruce, breathing hard.

“Y/N, are you okay?” Bruce asks me. He sits up as I stand up. Once he’s on his feet, he quickly removes us from the eyes of the public and we both head into an abandoned alleyway.

“I would have been okay, if you didn’t stop me,” I answer, slightly angry from him stopping me. “Why did you stop me, Bruce? Why can’t you just let me finally let go of everything?”

“Because if I lost you, I wouldn’t have a reason to go on either,” he says quietly. “Please don’t ever do that again. I-I can’t lose you. I need you in my life. I need you with me.”

“What about your sons? Alfred?”

“I love them, but I also love you too, Y/N. Dying...is never the answer. It’s darkness that you’re trying to escape, but no matter what, it will be with you forever. I’ve seen death, and I’ve also seen good people who allow the darkness and fear change them into people who could never be saved. I may not know everything that happened in your past, Y/N, but I know you’re stronger than you think you are. And you’re beautiful, Y/N. Everyone has ugly scars, including me. But if you managed to get this far in life, I would say that’s an accomplishment not many people can achieve,” Bruce says softly, before he finally holds my hands. I let him, and I let myself cry more. “Trust me, there were times I almost let my inner demons take over my life and emotions. I almost let go at a young age too. But then I have come to learn from an old friend that in every darkness, there’s light. You just have to find your light, and you’ll never be alone.”

I wipe my tears and smile up at him. “Alfred?” I ask.

“Yes, Alfred taught me that. Do you know who my light is?”

“Your sons? Alfred?”

“All of you,” Bruce answers.

“Even me? How?” I ask, completely shocked.

“Because after I met you, I...I felt normal. Human. I don’t have to try too hard with you, and I don’t have to put on a face of confidence and behave like I’m better than everyone. The playboy billionaire title doesn’t exist to me, because when I’m with you, I’m here with you, and that’s all that matters to me. I can laugh at stupid jokes. I can walk around in just a t-shirt and regular jeans around you. Hell, I can even talk shit about other celebrities with you. I can even tell you about my own nightmares, and how someday, I hope I really can make my parents proud of me. I trust you with all that and only you, Y/N,” Bruce reveals.

He finally takes the first step. Lowering his head to mine, he kisses me. Our lips connect like magnets, and the heat between us is hotter than hell, I believe. With one hand, Bruce holds my face gently, as the other holds my waist.

And for the first time in forever, I’m not afraid.

After Bruce pulls away, he looks down at me with a small smile. He pushes a strand of my hair behind my ear.

“I really care about you, Y/N. I love you, and if I have to wait a bit to be with you, then I’ll wait as long as I need to,” Bruce says.

“Thank you...for being patient with me and for just being there Bruce,” I say.

“I’ll always be here for you, because there’s nowhere else I rather be than be here with you, Y/N.”

“Same for me too,” I admit.

Bruce wraps an arm around me and leads me back to the restaurant. “How about pizza?” he asks curiously.

“And a movie?”

“Of course.”

“Will the boys be there?”

“Most likely but as soon as that movie ends, they’re gone. It’ll just be you, me, and my couch.”

I smile, a real smile that’s not forced for the first time in a long while. “I’d love that. I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

“I know what you mean,” Bruce whispers to me. “Because all I want is you here with me.”

“And I’ll be here with you every day.”

Was it good? Let me know please! I’m used to smut and I think it’s safe to say that this fic was a challenge but a good one!

[ginmo]

Okay this is going to be long haha. As a disclaimer, Jaime can still die. This just explains why I’ve become skeptical over that fate.

I have not been given a straight answer to Jaime’s fate by any of the people I have spoken with, and I can’t be too detailed in my explanations because of reasons, but this is what I can say:

1. Jaime doesn’t die in the battle of WF. I’m making this clear because this has become popular spec. Now when I say die, I mean permanently dead, not resurrection dead. I have no info about any resurrections, so it’s entirely possible he can “die” and still come back. All I know is that Jaime is definitely alive after the battle of WF, so don’t listen to any leaker who says his final farewell is during that battle. I know of a specific event (actually, two of them) that happens after the WF battle, and he’s very much alive for it.

2. Jaime is in all 6 episodes, and no, that information is NOT taken from Nikolaj’s contract. I can say this with 99% confidence.It’s possible he could be in less depending on how they move scenes around in post production, but at least during filming, every person I spoke with was certain he was in every episode.

3. Jaime is not dead during Tyrion’s trial in episode 6. Tyrion’s trial is AFTER the KL battle.......... sooooo.................

4. Okay this really isn’t anything lol but, they were all pretty excited to tell me what happens, and wanting to tell me “so badly!” while… knowing I want him to live. Like I said, that doesn’t mean much, but I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt and assuming they’re not, like, Satan or something. “Omg you want him to live so I’m so excited for you to see him DIE! :D!!”

Recent Observations:

This isn’t what I’ve been personally told, but this is what I have observed in fandom over the past few months. Take all of this with a grain of salt. I’m only including these because they got my attention, considering what I know.

1. There have been a couple randos that have popped into fandom just to say that everyone is wrong about Jaime because he lives and then they poof. Like I said, take this with a grain of a salt. It probably is nothing, but they always stood out to me as suspicious.

2. Recently, someone said they spoke with a family friend and that friend said a person everyone thought would live ends up dying and someone who was “seemingly marked by death from the beginning” would survive. This actually can’t really be argued for any character. Not every character has been around since the beginning, and only a handful have been “marked by death” in the eyes of fandom.

Speaking on average: Jon, Dany, Sansa, Arya, Bran, Sam… all of them have fairly uncertain fates or the assumption of survival. Minor characters? No one is going to care so much about their fate to give a spoiler about it (“oh man dude! Melisandre LIVES! People will freak!”) or the others haven’t been around since the beginning… IMO, there are only two characters that fit that description: the twins. Considering I have good reason to believe Jaime may actually have a chance at survival, and since literally every sector of the GoT fandom, including the JB fandom, he's talked about as if he’s already dead, I’m going to make an assumption here and apply that to Jaime. Out of the twins, Jaime has actual potential set up for survival, Cersei not so much.

Narrative:

As much as Jaime’s death would fit the traditional mold for the path he is currently on, there is setup for a possible survival in the books and the show. I had always envisioned his fate going either way, and was confused why people would be completely convinced of death or survival. I felt both had set up? I went from thinking he was doomed, to thinking he would survive, to being totally unsure, back to thinking he’s dead again, and now I’m residing in survival camp.... for now, at least lol.

I could go on and on and on with the support in the books. I could describe a different interpretation to his weirwood dream, dig up quotes about how he’s yearning for fatherhood and a married life and how he thinks he will only ever be a warrior, explain how the hand chop was his “death,” moan about how eye-roll worthy it is for him to be a Stark prop. I can find evidence to argue that he’s simultaneously being molded into a leader and heir and therefore it would be a wasteful death that accomplish nothing. I can also blab about how Brienne is basically his plot armor because of how ridiculously redundant and meaningless it would be for HER arc if another person were to die in her arms and leave her exactly where she started (actually, no, I’ll probably still talk about this with the show evidence because it annoys me). But since this is a somewhat show-themed post, the question being about season 8, I’ll just stick with the show evidence.

Show Evidence:

1. Watch: Jaime and Tywin’s conversation #1 , conversation #2, conversation #3. Look. The show decided to include THREE SCENES about marriage and the Lannister Legacy. THREE................

“Oh but in the first one he says that he doesn’t want the Lannister legacy to fall like the Targaryens did which foreshadows the Lannisters going extinct.”

Jaime fulfilling his duty as heir has been brought up T H R E E times.

And the Targaryens went… extinct? … I mean… who are the two leads of this series? If they’re going to parallel the Targaryens in some form, then that means they definitely don’t go extinct. Baby Lannister left behind? Possible. But…

2. Jaime is removed from the KG in season 6. Why?  In the show he... didn’t need to be removed from KG so he could later on leave Cersei (even in the books he ran off while still on the KG). Brienne says Fuck Loyalty and he Fucks Loyalty anyway. They could have had him do that while still member of the KG. It was perfect setup. Tywin wants him removed so he can fulfill the Lannister legacy, Jaime eventually gets removed. What’s the point of removing him from the KG to simply lead the Lannister army for two seasons and then die if he could have been doing that anyway as LC? They removed him from the KG because he’s being molded into an heir and freed of vows for endgame. And, again, connects to the Tywin conversations.

3. Purple Wedding. Ah, one of my favorites. (<- that one kinda sucks because the youtuber edited Brienne’s walk to be more quick but you still get the point)

When Loras and Jaime are having a conversation, Jaime says, “You’ll never marry [Cersei]” and Loras responds with, “And neither will you.” Loras walks away, Jaime looks down, Brienne walks past and Jaime looks up. Keep in mind GRRM at least wrote the Cersei and Brienne portion, and it was even mentioned that they paid attention to the transitions. when filming and editing.

Minor detail to mention: the Bear and the Maiden Fair is playing in the background.

”lol that song has been used before for other people.”

Yeah... for marriages. Not only has it been consistently used for Jaime and Brienne - also season 3 when they’re captured and used as the episosde title for the bear pit- but the other times it has been used were for: the wedding feast between Tyrion and Sansa, the wedding feast between Edmure and Roslin, and then the wedding of Joffrey and Marg... and when did it play at theirs? During the Jaime and Brienne scenes, literally during and after Loras told Jaime he would never marry Cersei and then Brienne walks past and then Cersei accuses Brienne of being in love with Jaime.

“It just means Jaime won’t marry Cersei because he’ll fall in love with Brienne.”

Maybe? But he’s already simultaneously falling in love with Brienne and he was (in the show) still trying to marry Cersei? Why is a theme of marriage hammered in so often then? (like Brienne’s monologue, which I’ll get to)

Maybe I can also throw in this more tinfoily bit in. “Maybe you’re a Lannister too.”

4. “Die in the arms of the woman I love.” -sigh-. Okay, I admit, the first time I heard this I jumped on the SEE JAIME IS DEAD bandwagon and was firmly stationed on that wagon until I got info that started raising my hopes and then Brienne’s, “nothing’s more hateful than failing to protect the one you love” popped into my head and I’m like

and then “who wants to die defending a Lannister.” Yeah yeah, “who wants to die defending a Lannister” is simply foreshadowing Brienne’s love for Jaime and doesn’t necessarily mean she will die (she at least survives to episode 6, after the battle). But if you take that and mix it with “nothing’s more hateful than failing to protect the one you love” and stir it in a pot, you got yourself Brienne making a move that almost gets her killed to save Jaime and NOT fail the like 4th or 5th person just because.

That line about failing is so often overlooked. Yeah, of course it’s possible it can mean she fails again, but I’m just… even if it doesn’t foreshadow shit, it made it clear that failing the one she loves is a thing she wants to avoid so... why the hell would the story have her fail another fucking person? What’s the point? She feels like she failed her father, failed Renly, failed Catelyn (more in the books), she’ll probably feel that way after Pod bites it, let’s have her fail Jaime too! :D! Let’s also be repetitive and have a guy die in her arms again just to rip her heart out and leave her exactly where she started just for the demonic lolz (btw I never subscribed to GRRM being as blood thirsty as people make him out to be). To me, that line sounds like she’s going to do everything in her power to not let that happen ever again. There will probably be a close call where she thinks she failed but doesn’t. Jaime saved her twice, maybe she will be the knight in shining armor and save him.

“Okay  but what if she’s left with his baby? She’s not exactly where she left  off then.”

No, she’s not in the exact same spot, and that’s a scenario I definitely find plausible. However, she... still kinda is? Stripping her of the only person who has ever  genuinely loved her in that way sends a message that society is   correct- Brienne, an ugly, undesirable woman- is unworthy of love. Brienne is unworthy of a long, happy life full of love because the Gods gave him to her for just a bit, dropped a baby in her lap as a consolation prize, and took the one person who has ever genuinely loved her for who she was.Normally I would argue that GRRM isn’t writing a story that gives characters everything they deserve. And I agree with that, but I’d argue that he’s using Brienne to literally tell a message of BatB. Inner beauty triumphs, superficiality does not (Cersei being example A). The message isn’t as effective if this rejected, freakish, beast of a woman continues to feel like a failure, continues to get fucked over and remains fucked over in endgame.

Now back to “die in the arms of the woman I love.” This line was used to set up the JC downfall to the viewers, and get Jaime questioning by having Bronn say, “does she feel the same?” On the surface it’s Cersei, the subtext is Brienne. That was it’s purpose. But I tend to agree with the people who say it can also be foreshadowing. So can he still die? OF COURSE! Will I agree with the narrative decision? NO (explanation further down). Can he die and be resurrected like a literal BatB tale? YEAH! Can it mean that he dies in the arms of the woman he loves as an old man? SURE! There’s multiple interpretations here.

Going back to the last one, I find it curious that immediately before Jaime mentions his preferred way of death, Bronn said he wanted to die as an old man in his castle with children groveling at his feet for his fortune and Jaime makes a comment about how that’s boring. So, I’d find it kinda funny then if the two desires were combined. (and Jaime never said in a battle, btw. The scene he describes is romantic with no context).

5. Brienne. Don’t tOUCH ME. Okay.

a) She told Catelyn she wasn’t a Lady, told Pod she wasn’t, Cersei told her she’s a Lady whether she wants to be or not... her insecurities over being a Lady is CLEARLY a theme that the show decided to keep. And then there’s this scene. Brienne fulfills her oath by keeping the Stark girls safe and getting them North. Pod calls her my Lady, Brienne begins to say she’s not a Lady, stops herself, and then thanks Pod. why is this always ignored?? This is saying that plot is done. Brienne is done being a bodyguard (which is also made crystal clear in Season 7 when Sansa basically tells her she can protect herself and Brienne tells the Hound that Arya doesn’t need protection). Brienne’s acceptance of her title is the story saying that Brienne will move on from this dragged out af plot and will now get ready to fulfill her role as Lady/heir. So what does this have to do with Jaime? Ahem. Well who else is being groomed for the role of Lord/heir?

b) I’ve been dying for them to finally give some book canon backstory to Brienne and show her vulnerable side. I was pleased in season 5 when we were delivered a wonderful little nugget that isn’t straight book canon, but an adaptation of it. Look, the fact that they even CARED to adapt this for the show is huge. Here is the scene.

The addition of this scene is important because it’s Brienne literally telling Pod (and the viewers) that the happiest she has ever been was when all the boys wanted to marry her and take her back to their castles. It’s reminding the viewers that romance is a major theme of her arc. They had her specifically mention marriage and living a domestic life in a castle and that made her fucking happy dude. The happiest she had ever been.

Now… why? Why is that necessary if Jaime and Brienne are just destined to bang and then he bites it? If they wanted to highlight that Brienne is a sexual being that wants to be loved, they literally could have taken out the whole marriage and castles and kept it as the boys dancing with her and complimenting her and flirting with her made her happy. But no, they brought in marriage. She wants marriage, man. She secretly desires the life of a Lady, with the one she loves, and that’s okay. And do NOT tell me that her destiny is to be some bodyguard for the Starks. I already wrote like 4 paragraphs on it but deleted because… not the place. Anyway, they adapted the marriage bits because it’s something that comes up in Brienne’s chapters quite a bit. (The lions on the cloak as she watched the boy she was to marry walk away and Jaime putting a cloak around her shoulders are probably my favorites).

“But what if they marry and then he dies!”

Oh, a little spoiler: Let’s just say it doesn’t seem likely they marry on screen. Possible, but very unlikely. So if they marry, marriage would have to be implied after the show... -whispers- which means he would have to survive.

Also, I already explained why I personally find that an ineffective ending, but again, is it possible that’s the version being told? Hell yeah it is. This is why I’m not completely convinced of his survival, and why I have always been open-minded about his death, and have gone back and forth depending on how much I trust the quality of writing. In most redemption arc narratives the character dies because death itself is something they have avoided, usually by obtaining power or through an exploration of a courage theme. Jaime has already proven he’s willing to sacrifice himself and has accepted his death on many different occasions (ex: he jumped into a bear pit with one hand and no weapon with literally no plan, and on the show he charged a fire breathing dragon head on with nothing but a spear I mean....), so what does his death as a knight really accomplish for his character besides, “it’s TRADITIONAL! Redemption = only DEATH! Knightly honor = only DEATH!” (I can feel myself going down a rabbit hole by wanting to talk about the hand chop so I’m going to stfu now because this is getting ridiculously long.)

“GoT has been inconsistent in the past and sometimes they do things that make no sense.”

I know, and it’s still entirely possible the execution of this story is trash and everything was pointless. That argument could apply to literally everything I say in this post. But at the same time, GoT is shit at being subtle, and when they want to drive a point or theme home, they do, even if it’s sloppy. (and yeah, like mentioned, I see this in the books as well... I’m not basing my opinion entirely on the show. It’s just if I add book bits on here, it’s going to get even more boring than it currently is lol.)

“Gin, sorry, I just disagree with you.”

That’s okay! It’s possible I end up changing my mind 50 more times, based off of the info coming in. Guys, I just think this story can be DIFFERENT. I’m so goddamn tired of the same, predictable narratives. And also because, like I said, I see potential set up for survival. I see all of the different interpretations. I’m tired of seeing people act all arrogant, like the answer is already there, when I see evidence for at least the possibility of something different.

Like we can’t even fucking discuss his survival in fandom, and if someone even BREATHES it they’re called delusional or in denial, even by their fellow JB shippers. NO? I just see multiple paths and interpretations?? And... to make it even more confusing I’ve been receiving optimistic hints that have raised my hopes??????? Fuck, I’m basically a victim here because I had been comfortable assuming the worst lol. 

I’m legit procrastinating on posting this because I have anxiety putting it out there. Discussion of his survival is that unpopular.

[mrswhozeewhatsis]

A Woman of Letters (Getting a Feel for Sam Winchester) - Chapter 38

Summary:  You’ve just opened an occult bookstore in Lebanon, Kansas, when you fall for a tall, handsome customer…literally. You soon find out that there’s more to the world than you ever suspected, including you. Discovering your heritage puts you directly in a witch’s crosshairs, though, so the Winchesters offer to take you in and teach you how to protect yourself. As you discover your own family history with the supernatural and your own hidden talents, you can’t help but wish a certain brother was as excited about your interest as you are.

Total length: 43 chapters, 70,247 words - Read on AO3 - Series masterlist

Chapter word count: 1729 words

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Warnings: Canon-level angst and violence

Sam

After two weeks of watching Y/N through the feeds and listening to her nightly reports on her days, Sam was beyond frustrated. Every book the Men of Letters had on Hell indicated that Hell was remodeled fairly often, so any map ever made would most likely be obsolete. Sam’s own forays into Hell had not included anything like what Y/N talked about in her reports. Sam knew she was trying to get information to him without Crowley figuring out what she was saying, and he admired her for trying. She would talk about architecture of the area she was in, or decorations she thought were pretty, or even pretty horrifying. Apparently most of the artwork on the walls fell squarely under the “pretty horrifying” label. The bottom line was, though, that Y/N had actually managed to give him a fairly good picture of what her wing of Hell looked like. If he ever found himself there, he’d know he was at least close. How to find her part, though, was the problem.

Cas had been busy talking to reapers, trying to find a reaper willing to transport them to Hell and guide them to Y/N. Although there were several reapers willing to take them to Purgatory, as Ajay had once done, few were open to the idea of entering Hell proper, and none knew their way around well enough to find Y/N. The prospect of being in Purgatory gave all three men mixed feelings. Cas saw it as a necessary evil to be tolerated, but Dean saw it as a chance to possibly see Benny again and convince him to come back topside. Sam saw the good and the bad of going through Purgatory. The good was that they knew their way around. The bad was the idea of Y/N having to fight her way through a wasteland of monsters when she wasn’t yet properly trained.

In an effort to find a different way, Dean had summoned a crossroads demon and tried to get the information they needed through traditional methods, even though it would alert Crowley to what they were doing. The demon was unhelpful (unless you count giving Dean something to take out his frustrations on), and Crowley had threatened to cut off the feeds when he found out one of his demons was dead. Sam was spending his time in the library, searching for tracking spells or transportation spells that could take him directly to Y/N. So far, he hadn’t found anything that didn’t either have worrisome side effects, or couldn’t do exactly what he needed. Everything he had found might work if Y/N were above ground, but not when she was in Hell. Transportation between realms was tricky, and best left to the reapers.

Sam was starting to strategize with Dean about ways to get Crowley to give up Y/N voluntarily. So far, they had bubkes, as Dean had put it. Sam sighed and laid his head down on his arms on the library table, surrounded by open books and notepads full of his scribbles. His despair was interrupted when he heard his phone chirp and buzz across the table. It was a text message from an unknown number.

I can help you get Y/N back. Meet me where you lost her at 3AM. Don’t be late.

Sam stared at his phone in silence, his mind running a million miles a minute. Finally, he got Dean’s attention and showed him the text.

“Sam, you know that could be a trap. That could be Crowley trying to take us out!”

“I know it could be a trap, but I doubt it would be Crowley. Crowley has us exactly where he wants us right now. What leverage could he get from us bigger than Y/N? If it’s a trap, it’s someone else, but who else knows that Crowley has Y/N, and where we were when we lost her? No matter what, it’s worth checking out, at least. I mean, we have to go. If there’s even a chance, Dean, then we have to.” Sam knew he was giving Dean his best puppy eyes, and could only hope Dean would agree.

“All right, but we go prepared for anything, and see if Cas can get here in time to go with us. What’s with the middle of the night meeting time? That’s freaky, right?” Dean pulled out his phone to call Cas.

“Yeah, it is,” Sam agreed. Sam looked at his watch and began counting the hours until 3AM.

When 3AM finally came, Dean, Cas, and Sam were all in the Impala, waiting for their mysterious contact in front of the fake bunker location. All three jumped in their seats when he appeared from nowhere in Baby’s headlights. Sam was the only one who recognized him, though. He shot out of the car and ran at the newcomer, demon knife in hand, almost tackling him to the ground. Sam was stopped within a foot of his destination, frozen to the spot, struggling to free himself of his invisible binds.

“Is that any way to treat someone who is risking their own life to help you, Mr. Winchester?”

“Help me? You’re the one keeping Y/N prisoner, Godfrey!” Sam continued struggling, focused solely on trying to get at the demon he had watched serve Y/N for the past two weeks. Dean and Cas got out of the car and approached the two warily.

“Godfrey? That’s the demonic butler Crowley has taking care of Y/N, right?” Dean looked to Sam for confirmation, and Sam nodded. “Why would you want to help us? You work for Crowley! If he finds out you’re here, you’re toast.”

Godfrey sighed and turned to Dean. “Yes, I work for Crowley, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.” Sam stopped struggling, and Godfrey let him go. Sam almost fell down from the sudden lack of resistance, but caught himself just in time.

“Give us one good reason why we should believe you,” Cas demanded in his typical stern manner, “or I might just smite you right here.” Cas took a step towards Godfrey, who took a step back and put his hands up in surrender.

“I come in peace. I swear. Crowley has messed with me for the last time, so it’s time I messed with him a little, that’s all. See, until a month ago, I was a crossroads demon. Not just any crossroads demon, though; I was set to break his record for soul deals for the year. I love my job, and I’m good at it. Better than Crowley ever was, and it’s killing him. When he realized that I was getting close to taking over the title ‘King of the Crossroads,’ he started messing with me. He’s been giving me extra assignments that take me away from my work, saying that it’s training for advancement. So, I did what he asked. My last assignment was to infiltrate Rowena’s network and get her here so you guys could finish her off. When I was successful, I thought I was golden. It would be all loose women and baby’s blood forever.” Godfrey snorted derisively while Sam considered the words spoken with the clipped snooty accent. “Ha. My so-called promotion was to become manservant to a human! And not even an interesting human, a sniveling sad sack human that doesn’t even fight!”

Sam jumped at that, and Godfrey held him at bay again, this time with a gag over his mouth. Sam tried to speak, but only muffled noise came out of his mouth.

“I know, don’t talk about her that way, blah blah blah. The perks of being a guard in Hell include being able to knock around the prisoners when they misbehave, but Crowley’s orders are not to harm her. Where’s the fun in that? This isn’t a promotion, this is a punishment, for daring to be better than Crowley. Well, anything would be better than catering to a simpering human, so here I am. I’ll help you get her back, with the promise that Crowley never knows I was involved. With her gone, even if he finds some other meaningless job for me to do, at least I won’t be shopping for the perfect cantaloupe because her humanness needs to eat fruit every day.” Godfrey rolled his eyes and huffed, letting Sam go at the same time.

Sam looked at Dean and Cas, who both shrugged and looked back at him. “All right. Say we believe you. How can you help us get Y/N back? You can’t fight with us, or Crowley will know you’re the leak and take you out.”

“I can give you a map of where Crowley has her, along with where the guards are and where you can break in from topside. See, he’s keeping her close to his throne room, which is in the part of Hell closest to above ground. In fact, part of his throne room actually is above ground. He likes the natural light that comes in through the window, or some such shit like that.” Dean barely stifled a giggle at the demon’s curse through his stiff, upper crust accent. “Even as warded as they are, those windows are a weak point. Not to mention that the wards are intended more to keep things in than to keep things out. Agree to keep my involvement out of it, and not kill me when you storm the place, and I’ll tell you what the view from those windows is. Find the windows, break in, get the girl, and get out. Even better, I’ll tell you when the best time to do it is.” Godfrey looked from Sam to Dean to Cas, waiting for a response. “Come on, you fools! I’m offering to spoon feed you a rescue plan, and all you can give me is dumb looks?”

Cas was the first to speak. “How do we know we can trust you?”

Godfrey sighed. “You can’t. I’m a demon. But I’m the best offer you’re going to get.”

As the demon all but tapped his toe impatiently, Sam, Dean, and Cas considered his offer. Without any discussion beyond the wordless conversation the two men and the angel had perfected over years of working together, they turned to Godfrey and nodded.

“We’re in,” said Sam.

“Good, now let’s get down to business.”

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Infinity Thoughts

 So I have something of a tradition of reading comics that will in some way tie into upcoming Marvel live action films. To this end with Avengers: Endgame approaching I read through, among other things, the TPBs ‘Avengers vs. Thanos’. ‘Rebirth of Thanos’, ‘Infinity Gauntlet’ and ‘Infinity’ volumes 1-2.

For the most part I rather enjoyed them. My respect for Jim Stalin grew and I’d argue Infinity Gauntlet may well be Marvel’s finest ever crossover event story of all time...Then I got to Infinity.

Hooooooooo-boy.

This was a lame story.

To be crystal clear the trades I read through collected the main issues of the event plus the tie-in issues of Avengers and New Avengers. Since all were written by Jonathan Hickman the tie-ins are actually essential to the reading experience and I was never exactly lost reading the story. There was a brief but well done reference to the Guardians of the Galaxy tie in issues that weren’t collected but that was it.

You know how I said my respect for Stalin grew through reading this stuff? Ell my respect for Hickman sunk...even lower than it already was.

First off reading Infinity seems to have been a waste of time for my personal purposes. Whilst I do not know what Endgame has in store Infinity War took precious little from this story. It just borrowed 4/5 of Thanos’ inner circle of henchmen (Corvus Glaive, Prixima Midnight, Ebony Maw) and also the Outriders, those four limbed footsoldiers Thanos uses to invade Wakanda. Speakin of which the mere idea of Thanos invading Wakanda was also borrowed from this story but it plays out drastically differently.

That’s not really a problem with the story just a personal complaint I had.

On the flipside something I can’t really complain about but will point to as a problem is that to follow the main story of Infinity you HAD to pick up the tie-ins I mentioned. A well written event shouldn’t price gouge you like that. Noticeably Infinity Gauntlet didn’t. Reading all 6 issues was a satisfying experience unto itself, I never felt like I was missing anything.

But saying Stalin is a better cosmic writer than Hickman would be redundant.

Another problem I discovered after the fact with this story was how the first 15 pages of Infinity #1 are literally just reprints of New Avengers #6 and the Free Comic book day Infinity issue. So 15/54 pages were stuff you’d either read before or could read for free.

This isn’t even getting into the writing problems in general. First of all Hickman had this insufferable habit of within issues themselves having like chapter breaks in the for of entirely blank pages with a grey title and symbol at the top. So you know...nice that you are paying for nearly blank pages amidst your £4+ comic books.

Second of all Hickman has this habit of like throwing meaningless lore at you.

In Infinity #1 for example he throws at you the brief backstory of this planet you have never seen before nor will see again as though it means something, complete with flashbacks and exposition about this planet’s great champion who’s already dead courtesy of the guy delivering the narration. And when I say it’s meaningless lore I mean Hickman has the guy say “Whatever happened to your proud champion to won the Water Wars and untied the tribes by defeating the Great Beast of Pol?”

Like...who gives a shit no one knows where or what Pol is or what the Water Wars were. The best part is that this is all adding up to this planet giving Thanos’ henchmen a tribute of several dead people.

Basically it stretched out 11 pages with meaningless lore to communicate Thanos is bad, Thanos has bad henchmen, Thanos’ demands defeated planets pay him tribute in dead people. Seems like you could accomplish that in maybe 4 pages at a push, especially for a villain everyone knows about already.

What makes this all the more confusing is that Thanos isn’t even really the central plot or threat in the story. This is in spite of being on the covers, mentioned in the solicits, the story’s name referencing stories that explicitly involve him and the story frankly existing because of his post-credits scene in Avengers 2012.

The story’s central conceit I guess is that it’s a war on two fronts.

Captain America leads most of the Avengers into space to join the Kree, Shi’ar, Skrulls, Annihilus and other alien races in a war against the army of the Builders. Meanwhile the remaining heroes (including Iron Man and the Illuminati) have to contend with Thanos who has invaded Earth looking for the sole remaining Infinity Gem and the last of his children, the half-Inhuman Thane.*

Essentially in spite of the advertisement Thanos is really just one of two antagonists in this story. And frankly clearly the one Hickman is less interested in compared to the Builders, whom shockingly, just so happen to be his own creations.

What follows is essentially a cosmic war story all about military strategy and game theory and so on, with very smart people doing very smart things.

Now in fairness conceptually this isn’t a bad idea whatsoever.

So what if Thanos is just one of two antagonistic forces. So what if it’s a war story. Those are ideas that can be done great right?

Yep...except...they aren’t.

Let’s talk about Thanos first.

His central motivation to kill his half Inhuman son is contrived and whilst it COULD have worked it just doesn’t.

As the lead in issues to Infinity Gauntlet make clear with Nebula, who claimed to be Thanos’ granddaughter, Thanos finds the idea of reproducing an affront to his nihilistic beliefs.

Thnos of course is in love with Death. As in he sees Death as a woman he’d like to make out with. To this end he committed his life to mass slaughter to win her love.

Thus entirely logically his creator Jim Stalin established that Thanos would not seek to have any offspring because, duh, if your goal is to kill as many people as possible you aren’t going to create MORE life.

So on the most basic of levels, Thanos even having any children seems out of character.

But it could have worked because the story does establish Thanos has killed his other children too. So it is entirely possible to argue that Thanos, whilst no celibate, made a point of killing his off spring to balance the scales, possibly even seeing his kids as mistakes of his youth before he’d entirely committed himself to Death.

Except the story doesn’t say anything like that. Thanos simply states the idea of Thane existing keeps him awake at night. In other words one of the 2 central antagonists has at best vague motivations.

To make matters worse Thanos is defeated via a total dues ex machina. Basically Thane undergoes a mutation as a result of Black Bolt unleashing a Terrigen mist throughout Earth, this causes him to inadvertently and instantly murder everyone within a certain radius by waving his left hand. He can only control this with the help of a containment suit one of Thanos’ inner circle, Ebony Maw provides. Maw acts as a kind of evil mentor/advisor to Thane, think Wormtongue from the Two Towers but more powerful and sinister, but we’ll get to him in a minute.

Anyway Thane is captured by Maw and presented to Thanos and whilst Thanos and his last surviving inner circle (they’re called the Black Order btw) Proxima Midnight are beating the shit out of the Avengers. Maw then says some shit about wanting to see if Thane has evolved and how he’s the only one who can beat Thanos. So Thane waves his right  hand and encases Thanos and Proxima in a great big amber cube.

Oh and this comes out of exactly nowhere!

That’s the resolution to the final issue by the way. THAT is how this 2 volume event friggin ends. Pathetic.

More pathetic even than the already pretty pathetic motives and characterization given over to Ebony Maw and the entirety of the Black Order.

Look, the idea of Thanos having an elite entourage as opposed to just hordes of gneric nameless thralls** is a good one.

The idea of them worshipping him and/or Death is fine.

But beyond their looks we get little characterization from any of them. Glaive and Midnight are offhandily established as married. Black Dwarf is just a big dumb warrior thug. We get a mini-monologue about Supergiant’s childhood and why she follows Thanos in the pages just prior to hear death towards the end of the story. And Ebony Maw...nothing. We have no reason for why he acts against his master or what the fuck his agenda is.

What little we know of the Black Order comes from I kid you not a mini Marvel Handbook segment randomly inserted into the story that gives you like a short paragraph on each member and their abilities.

So you know...literally telling us instead of showing us who these people are and to boot it’s not even actually part of the story.

Then the story has the audacity to say that Thane, Hickman’s new underdeveloped character has and will become even worse than his Dad. His Dad who I will remind you literally caused universal genocide when he snapped his fingers and killed half the universe’s population...and THEN murdered all the cosmic beings. Oh but Thane is worse because he...can trap people in amber...?????

There is also precious little characterization or development lent to Thanos in the entire story, whereas the events its trading off of (Infinity Gauntlet, etc) absolutely did. Here Thanos is the big bad villain and little else. He isn’t even the biggest threat nor does he comprise the majority of the panel time.

That distinction goes to the Builders.

Oh lord...the builders. Who also count among their ranks the Gardners known as the Ex Nihili, the Alephs robot soldiers and exist in the superflow of the multiverse having created the Starbrand and other cosmic tools to shape the evolution of species across the universe.

Did any of that sound bland, boring, meaningless and simply pretentious mastabatory science fiction talk?

Well that’s only because it is.

Marvel has a robust cosmic lore to them. The first generation of that was really installed by Lee and Steve Ditko in Doctor Strange and to a much greater extent Lee and Jack Kirby in Thor, Fantastic Four, Avengers and other titles. That’s where we of course get guys like Galactus.

The second generation I’d argue was Jim Stalin who set up Thanos, Drax the Destroyer Adam Warlock, the Infinity Gems and also Chris Claremont along with his collaborators who birthed the Phoenix Force and the Shi’ar and so on.

The third generation was Dan Abnett, Andy Lanning and Keith Giffen. These guys added a few things to Marvel Cosmic but really their forte was more adopting stuff already in the Marvel universe and expanding it or using it in interesting ways. The best examples of this being their Magnum Opus, Annihilation which made Annihilus a Big Bad for the Marvel Universe, and ESTABLISHING the Guardians of the Galaxy that the movies took inspiration from. Whilst they didn’t necessarily create any of the Guardians they were the guys who essentially made them the space Avengers.

Hickman is essentially the headliner for the fourth generation and by far and away the most creative.

And by creative I mean he is very good at dreaming up ideas. He’s a classic ‘Big Concepts’ science fiction writer.

Where he falls down is in executing said concepts.

Whilst the past generation of Marvel Cosmic creators vacillated between going for something sweepingly epic or else fun and bombastic or something in between, Hickman’s work is devoid of the fun bombast of a Silver dude riding a surfboard in space but is also if anything trying way too hard to be ‘Epic Cosmic’ than anything the older creators did. And they at least were doing it at a different time when standards for comics were different.

Let’s take the Galactus Trilogy and Infinity Gauntlet as an example. In the 1960s presenting us a science fiction comic book antagonist who was an allegory for God was really impressive and him engaging in a debate with the Watcher about the nature of humanity was deep stuff.***

Similarly the Infinity Gauntlet was concerned with the burden of Godhood and acted as something of a bizarre love story between Thanos and death, the ultimate character study of the Mad Titan.

Hickman in Infinity though mostly just throws Big Science Fiction Concepts (tm) at you and expects you to be impressed by their mere existence, as though ‘the Avengers fight a big space war’ is something to be impressed by in 2013 when we’ve had how many stories like that?

Worse his Big Concepts aren’t just expected to be impressive via their mere existence but are also just...rather dull. There is little personality to the boringly named Builders and only slightly more in the pretentiously named Ex Nihili (Hickman loves throwing around very impressive big nonsense words for his science fiction crap, God forbid they be something simple and/or silly but memorable like ‘Galactus’, ‘the Infinity Gauntlet’, ‘Annihilus’, etc). The Gardners/Ex Nihili kind of look interesting but the Builders themselves are just the most boringly designed aliens ever.

When you see the Watchers or the Celestials you BUY that they are the oldest race in the universe, you buy they are cosmic beings on a higher plane than mere mortals. The Builders are just grey vaguely buggish dudes. Their footsoldiers the Alephs are worse. They’re generic Terminator rip off robots.

The art throughout the story looks pretty but it’s design sense is lame at best and it has the eternal problem of so many 2000s/early 2010s comics that the art looks beautiful panel to panel but is also stiff and looks like a series of very pretty portraits that lack life or the illusion of movement. Comic book art shouldn’t be  a series if paintings next to one another conveying the highlights of a scene but an organic flow from one panel to the next creating the illusion of movement. Want to see this done well in a big event story? Check out Mike Zeck on Secret Wars or Perez/Lim on Infinity Gauntlet. Or hell anything Ron Frenz draws.

Okay, they look boring, they sound boring, their concepts aren’t used that effectively BUT...surely the Builders storyline has merit? Surely this cosmic war story is at least a good war story.

Well...yes and no.

The military strategy used in the story is pretty realistic and well thought out, speaking as someone who isn’t familiar with military strategy history or stories rooted in that stuff.

If nothing else the core concept of Thanos attacking Earth whilst the Avengers are off fighting on another front and the X-Men are divided (because of Schism) is basic and interesting use of strategy.

And the space warfare for the most part seemed reminiscent of Star Trek, speaking as someone who’s got novice knowledge at best of that franchise.

Here is the problem though...it’s also painfully dull for anyone who isn’t hyper into that stuff.

Which would be fine...if the story was solely contained within the main Infinity book.

I’ve long defended Secret Wars 1984 on the grounds that as it’s own mini-series it wasn’t obliged to follow thematic conventions or writing conventions of the solo or team titles, it could be it’s own sandbox. So if it wanted to be a light war story/series of fun action set pieces, fine.

So if Infinity wanted to be an Avengers space military strategy comic book for 6 issues okay fine. Except it wasn’t, it roped in Avengers and New Avengers into it too.

And at that point the tie-ins at the very least needed to have something more. You know like...personality.

The single biggest problem with pretty much any Hickman story I’ve read is that far too often the characters talk stiffly and unrealistically, with a coldness to them, a functionality. There is precious little personality or emotion to them. Even when the art is showing us emotion you simply see it as opposed to actually connecting with it.

There are only the briefest of smatterings of truly emotional or personable moments in the entire story and as a consequence they kind of stick out like a sore thumb. Smasher and Cannonball hooking up (out of nowhere in the story like there was no inclination they had the hots for one another earlier) and Sunspot quipping about it is the most human moment in the entire story closely followed by Manifold expressing exhaustion over constantly fighting.

The closest thing to a charismatic character in the entire story is friggin Maximus the Mad!

How do you do that in a story with Captain America, Captain Marvel, Iron Man, Thor, Hulk, Hawkeye, Black Panther, Reed Richards, Namor and friggin Thanos!!!!

All this and the story exists for anything but a genuine creative drive. It exists because

a)      Marvel needed to make bank off of Thanos’ cameo in Avengers 2012

b)      Marvel needed to remind people Thanos exists after his cameo

c)       Marvel needed to workshop some possible concepts for the then inevitable Thanos movie on the horizon

d)      Marvel needed to amp up the Inhumans via their stupid cloud unleashed in this story so they could begin their dastardly master plan to supplant the X-Men with them

 Ugh. I recommend you simply skip this story wholesale.

*The other 5 Infinity Gems were destroyed

 **By the way in Stalin’s stories Thanos’ armies comprised of a diverse group of alien baddies. Here...there are different kinds of aliens but they seem to be a few species who all look the same. Hardly what Stalin and other artists rendered, which gave you an idea of the scope of Thanos’ travels.

If we’re going to be paying more money for comics nowdays could they maybe put in at minimum the same effort as cheaper comics from 40 years ago!

 ***The Watchers and Celestials by the way, Jack Kirby creations, get supplanted by Hickman as the oldest and most powerful race in the universe for the sake of his boringly named ‘Builders’

[thosewhobringham]

Sansa v. Daenerys

About Sansa and Daenerys, their relationship with each other, why they need to be at odds for now, and what I think might happen in the future. Under a cut because of long.

I’ve adored both characters from the very beginning. I want to get that out of the way right now. I don’t think necessarily that they will always be at odds or that their happy endings would have to be mutually exclusive. They might well be, depending on where the writers took things, but I don’t think that they have to be.

Let’s begin with why they are currently at odds, and why that needs to be, at least at first.

At their first meeting, Daenerys tries to greet Sansa warmly and is given a cool reception that clearly takes her aback. Sansa is courteous, but it’s clear that she’s not being warm. That is what gives their relationship a rocky start. 

The reason that Sansa needed to be cold to her is, in short, due to her audience. She knew that Jon bending the knee to Daenerys was a very unpopular decision. He surrendered the North’s independence, which northerners just earned for themselves after throwing out the Boltons and naming Jon the King in the North. Northerners are also very wary of outsiders just as a rule. I’m not sure how widespread the knowledge is that he’s been sleeping with her, but that will definitely not be well-received either.

Jon, the king that they chose, made this decision without thinking about their motivations and their allegiance to him was already wavering before they even knew that he did that. Some would argue that it wasn’t even a necessary decision, as Daenerys promised to aid them before he bent the knee to her. That’s not common knowledge, though. Ultimately, I do think that it was a good decision. They won’t just be fighting the army of the dead. Once that threat is over, they will need to take care of the threat that Cersei represents and then it will be necessary to decide who rules after her if there is to be any sort of lasting peace. An empty throne with no clear succession is a recipe for disaster.

At this point, only three characters know of Jon’s claim and the north, at least up until this point, just wants to be independent. They don’t care about what happens in the south.

Anyway, the northerners need to see that someone is thinking of what they want. They need to see themselves in their leadership. If both Jon and Sansa welcome what they see as this foreign leader with open arms, then what reason do they have to rally behind them once the threat of the Night King is gone? I think that most (saving the Glovers) understand that the army of the dead is the most important priority right now and they know that Daenerys’s forces will be extremely valuable in getting rid of that threat. It’s afterward that is the unknown and Sansa is aware of that. She’s thinking ahead. 

Barring that, there’s no reason to be cold to Daenerys. She learned from Westeros’s biggest schmoozer. If she didn’t have an audience of distrustful northerners, there is no reason not to kiss her ass. Sansa might not trust her (yet?), but she’s capable of keeping that to herself. There’s a political reason why she isn’t and, although it hurts Daenerys’s pride, that actually benefits her. It benefits her because it benefits Jon, who is currently her only supporter in the north. If he loses their support, then Daenerys certainly does. 

For Daenerys, her unhappiness with the situation is completely understandable. From her perspective, she has given the north a lot by putting her ambitions on hold in order to help them fight. They would lose without her and she knows it and she’s been greeted with only suspicion and zero gratitude. She’s experienced people being hostile and doubtful of her before, but not from people that she’s only ever been helpful to (from her perspective). It’s a shock.

She is also their queen. Even if she didn’t deserve their respect based on her actions (and she does if you recall that she promised to help before Jon bent the knee), she is owed it for her title. She doesn’t understand the culture of the north. She doesn’t understand how Jon bending the knee is... not meaningless, but that he needs the support of the noble houses for it to mean anything. This is a known shortcoming for her. She never won the support of any nobility.

You might bring up the Greyjoys and the Tyrells as exceptions to that, but she never had to win their support. Yara and Theon approached her first. Ellaria Sand and Olenna Tyrell didn’t want anything but to kill Cersei, which Daenerys was already going to do. She has never had to successfully negotiate. 

The way that she dealt with not having the support of the people in power in Essos was generally by killing them. She had the Dothraki sack Qarth. She slaughtered (or incited the slaughter of) most of the nobility in Slaver’s Bay. In Vaes Dothrak, she burned the Khals alive. That’s not a bad thing in regards to her end goal (or what it was, depending on if you think that her motivations have changed). She wants (or wanted) to “break the wheel” and breaking the wheel means no more nobility. 

We haven’t seen it discussed in a while what she intends to do once she does gain power in Westeros. It certainly does seem like she intends to rule in the traditional sense, but I don’t know.

While I’m on the subject, I want to acknowledge the Mad Queen theory. I’m open to that being the case, but I also think that Daenerys is capable of learning from her mistakes. Even if she didn’t appear to emotionally react (I think she did, but it was very subtle), she has now seen the consequences of her actions on a personal level. Sometimes you have to see to understand. I hope that we see her feeling remorse and showing some kind of sympathy for Sam in another episode. I think that we should either see that or see her doubling down on the decision, but it should be addressed in some way. I don’t want it to be overlooked. 

As for Sansa and Daenerys, I think that fighting together against the Night King will go a long way to resolving their differences. Once the northerners come around, Sansa can begin to come around too. If she sees that Daenerys isn’t a threat to her family, then she has no reason not to support her. If Jon’s claim to the throne (that he doesn’t want, at least as of now) does not make Jon and Daenerys enemies, then Daenerys and Sansa are natural allies. They have a common enemy in Cersei and Sansa is smart enough to know that someone will have to fill the role of monarch after Cersei is dead or out of power. Sansa makes up for what Daenerys lacks and vice versa. Daenerys has the claim and the resources to rule and Sansa has the political expertise. They’re far better as allies than as enemies.

Jon’s claim has the potential to complicate things, definitely. Davos did bring up the potential of a marriage, though. If Jon and Daenerys do decide to marry, then Sansa will surely support that. Even if she is in love with him and even if Jon reciprocates that, they can both see the benefit (or the necessity, as the case may be) of not acting on it for the sake of peace. Even Political Jon would be able to see the merit in such an outcome.

The goal that makes the most sense to me is Jon and Daenerys ruling in King’s Landing with Sansa as the Wardeness of the North. I’m not saying that it will turn out that way, just that as an ideal at this point in time, it’s the most logical to me.

I don’t expect things to come together that nicely, though. In fact, I sincerely doubt it. This is Game of Thrones and nothing is ever that easy. Haha. 

[harrisonchute]

What’s Harison been Watching?!

9/8/2018 Edition

“Perfect Blue”

I haven’t encountered one of those “Perfect Blue EXPLAINED” videos on YouTube, though I did look for it, and any online writing about Perfect Blue is gonna be marred by very standard Satoshi Kon commentary, that he’s very influential, one of the best known in the west, he do dreams and reality. I just wanted to know what people made of this movie, what their interpretations are. I saw it for the first time Thursday night, and this is what I think: the main character’s mental breakdown caused by the existential transformation pop idol to actress, the Internet, and other celebrity life-inconveniences is then exacerbated by her manager’s serial killing. Rumi just wants to protect her, protecting her past self from exploitation, and because that murder violence is so similar to the exploitation, the main character sees herself in it -- she has to, in order to immerse herself in the new roles and grow as an actress. Ultimately, I feel like Perfect Blue is a more interesting film than it is a strictly entertaining one, like that one half of Serial Experiments Lain I’ve seen. Kon identifying all these different stressors facing popular public (and female) figures is fascinating. However, most of Perfect Blue is that space in movies that isn’t dialogue or action or exposition, it’s like mood-setting or suspense setup, like a Wong Kar Wai revision of The Strangers. I would not see that movie, but I’m glad I finally saw this one.

“Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt”

I was halfway through an episode of this show when I had to go see Perfect Blue. Not surprising -- I get this way with TV shows, and it’s obviously hardly uncommon for modern media consumers. Every now and again I’ll find a show that disrupts my life, and it’s all I can think about. I was grateful for short shows earlier this year that I loved, like Fleabag and one anime show whose name I can’t remember, swearsies. And yet, I was even more grateful that Kimmy Schmidt is like four seasons -- though it’s ONLY gonna be four seasons. Regardless, it’s really surprising, and it’s especially interesting in the context of other women-led womeny shows of its day.

Upon the infamous episode where Titus is criticized for doing yellowface, I’m watching the Internet outragists shout things like “I don’t want to know the context of anything!” and was left with the startling yet embarrassing conclusion: “My God, Tina Fey is soooo white.” Like, this is what gets to her? Embarrassing because I feel like that sentiment’s been on the Internet wall for ages, with every “Tina Fey did a bad thing” headline I’ve witnessed and ignored over the years. “White people” in media usually just means this is a person whose instincts were manufactured by a system demarcated by stratification: exclusive and hostile. Revising those instincts requires some listening skills, so I was put off by the backlash to the backlash here than anything anyone was lashing against initially.

I feel like Kimmy Schmidt is the absurd comedy version of Cloud Atlas, and the word “absurd” is really the key. So much of racial representation is reliant on “realism,” it seems, threading that needle where a world needs to convincingly contain the token black friend or whoever, and “realism” comes right down to tone. I get a little put-off by absurd comedies, like the short-lived Ghosted, much as I enjoyed it, and I think that comes from my time with Futurama: as that show went on, I started to appreciate the characters more than the jokes -- always a mistake. With that one, the integrity of strict character continuity was often sacrificed for the sake of a joke. Like, Leela is not that insensitive, but she has to be kind of a blowhard in this scene for the punchline to work. Sometimes, Kimmy seems to suddenly know more about the world than I’d expect, but they make it work, because who knows where she picks up these things? The comedy/drama balance isn’t as embedded into the show’s core like You’re the Worst or the above-mentioned Fleabag; it’s got its own logic, like magical realism with abandon, more Arrested Development than Jane the Virgin.

This logic allows -- to me -- navigation through a lot of the show’s spiky territory. For example, it’s hugely problematic that Lillian shot her black husband, because he was a black man in her house at night, but it didn’t bother me (last week). The subject of criticism in the first season leading to the outrage response in the second, Jane Krakowski’s American Indian heritage, didn’t bother me because under the surface there’s that blackened but beating white people heart of “the joke is that I’m soooo white.” Lines like, “The litter in New York makes me cry” got a genuine laugh out of me, and it felt like the best possible version of “Pardon my whiteness, I’m writing a Native American caricature.” I know we’ve had 17 seasons of Modern Family for that kind of humor, but here, it didn’t bother me.

Didn’t bother me. Love that line from minorities. That means it didn’t bother anyone, right? Of course, I’m neither a black man or American Indian, so what about the Dong story line? Issues facing Asian-American men are very different from most social issues, because they all hinge on his penis and where it goes. Satiating AsAm men’s desire to be represented by anybody but Ken Jeong is a one-step process, which is why my desire no longer exists (because Crazy Ex-Girlfriend does, and Selfie before it). So it was a pleasant surprise that Dong became an actual love interest, but it didn’t change my world, and a love story is not handled with the same gravity as shows with different logic -- are we meant to take any of this seriously? Is Kimmy meant to grow as a character? Is anyone? Jane Krakoswki does, but does it matter? My brain is different watching this show, where true pathos comes from moments reached upon layers of irony and cynicism and an almost exhausting one-person race to stay ahead of the cultural conversation. For example, Titus’s romance in the two and a half seasons I’ve seen has been touching, but because it involves Titus, it’s expressed with a much more interesting vocabulary than other gay romances I’ve seen. (Though it’s probably relatively traditional and I still just think Brokeback Mountain is the raddest shit ever).

The difference between the American Indian and Dong plot lines is that I theoretically got a strand of representation out of the Asian-American element in the show, where I doubt an American Indian did from Krakowski’s plot line (though you never know until you ask). But I wasn’t asking for representation (this time), and no one else was asking to be alienated by stereotypes. So I can understand the frustration on both sides -- sometimes, it doesn’t matter how steeped in irony racism is. And as someone who’s created things for an audience once before, I know you can’t please everyone, and it’s the negative voices that resound the loudest, because they’re only echoing what’s already in one’s heart as a fragile left-brain writer variety.

My ability to excuse or at least compartmentalize the problematic in Kimmy Schmidt seems to be part of a concerted effort to appreciate a sitcom’s unique sheen. I like that a show doesn’t need to say important things to be important, that one can draw meaning from near-total meaninglessness. The joys I’ve had watching this show have mostly come from Ellie Kemper’s facial expressions and halting, intense deliveries, and I think we only get those with all the other ingredients -- contrarian satire which sometimes crosses that line from centrism to taking a side, like wow you’re so too cool for school you... went to school.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is the show I’m most familiar with in this burgeoning televisual fempire, and the creators of that one are constantly listening to fan feedback, almost to a fault. They seem determined to get everything right, understanding that any one individual, no matter how much a quadruple or quintuple-threat, represents the outlook of an individual, and so they’ve built a dimensional writers room and the show reflects that with its characters and their stories. But they did all that because their show is specifically about inclusion -- off the show’s title, this is the journey of a woman from rejected by society to creating her own. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt has less of a clear thesis, and its moral lessons often feel networky and only there for some kind of conscience quota. But unlike CXG, it exists in the here and now, with dated references to The Jinx, to Marcia Clark and Chris Darden pre-American Crime Story, and now hugely insensitive jokes about shooting black men in that specific circumstance. The morality feels like a work-in-progress during an era in American society where the conversation changes every day, like the ever-shifting substance of crackling television noise.

Before CXG, I used to think it was some herculean task to listen to feedback. And on occasion, I’ll hear a video game player talk at length about how “the studio listened to its fans!” and cringe, because I know how those fans speak, at what decibel, and with what, frankly, terribly foul language. Maybe the Internet outrage episode in Kimmy Schmidt wouldn’t have stung as much had I not seen it in the context of Apu on The Simpsons. Now, there’s an example of creators who don’t give a shit. I have a lot more faith in Fey and co., with an understanding that her brand of comedy is always poking and prodding. Comedy is observation, and so much of the observation under men’s watch was “other people are different.” Kimmy Schmidt is tackling that head on, with interesting results I ultimately am not interested in, because it’s too joyous and weird.

I never regularly watched 30 Rock, but now revisiting that one via YouTube clips and compounded with a new love for Kimmy Schimidt, I’m noticing just how lyrical Tina Fey (and co.)’s dialogue is. They say there’s zero improv on that set, and I understand why -- the often tongue-twisting wordplay has a perfect cadence that’s fun to listen to and must be fun to perform. Since I’m now trying to understand rhythm in writing, this is one I’m gonna study.

Spent too much time on this, dammit. Little over two hours, I think.

PS: Anna Camp had a few guest appearances and she should’ve won an Emmy for that role if she didn’t. Or, they don’t need to make Big Little Lies season 2, because that sort of upper crust mommy wars was so perfectly satirized by that arc with Jane Krakowski. 

[stewy497]

Stew Reviews - Celeste

So, after a full year of umming and erring over it, I finally gave in to peer pressure and got myself a Nintendo Switch. I’ve got the usual no-brainer titles to go with it; Mario Kart and Odyssey, Skyrim, Breath of the Wild, Rayman Legends, and The Binding of Isaac, curiously enough. But out of all the games I’ve played on this new system, the one that most cried out for analysis was a little indie project from Matt Thorson by the name of Celeste that Nintendo seem to be particularly eager to push.

I didn’t pick up Celeste immediately because from the gameplay trailer I had assumed it to be a slightly generic platformer. When I did pick it up a few days later, I found that mechanically, Celeste can be considered a contemporary of Super Meat Boy which I really like, being a tough-but-fair 2D pixel art precision platformer in the try-die-try-again mould. The gameplay isn’t particularly revolutionary, so I guess in a way I was right about it looking generic, but it is very solid and rarely unduly frustrating. The main innovation here is that you collect strawberries rather than bandages, and your basic move set is enhanced with the ability to climb walls and a short directional dash which you can use to quickly reposition yourself in mid-air. The physics are reliable and the platforming puzzles are all competently designed, being built around the dashing and climbing mechanics, so they always feel central and never like some gimmicky tag-on. Thusly, navigating a screen on the first attempt with a smoothly rattled off sequence of calculated jumps gives a feeling of indescribable satisfaction. Each level is visually distinct and has its own slight variations on platforming mechanics, such as dash extenders or trajectory-altering winds, so the game retains a stable core that doesn’t end up becoming stale. The game suggests that gathering the strawberries is completely optional and in the end grants little more than bragging rights, but it’s entertaining enough that I generally want to go after them while still being challenging without making me break the Switch into three pieces – not in the sense that it’s meant to, I mean – which few games can claim to achieve. There are also secrets to find, B-sides and crystal hearts, and admittedly their function isn’t readily apparent until you reach post game, but they do have one so they count towards something other than meaningless 100% completion. As satisfactory as this all is however, where Celeste really grabbed me was in the story.

Some minor spoilers ahead for the sake of analysis, so you may want to skip the next two paragraphs if you want to go into Celeste fresh.

You play as Madeline – assuming you decided not to abuse the enter-name-here feature – a young red-headed woman who has arrived at the foot of Mount Celeste with the intent to climb to the mountain’s summit. Right off the bat it’s quite obvious that Madeline is dealing with some deep-seated emotional issues, from the way she stubbornly proclaims how much she needs to reach the summit and the occasional cryptic dialogue exchange or dream sequence. One conversation in particular flat out states that she suffers from panic attacks, so presumably it’s some form of anxiety disorder. The thrust of all this is that climbing Mount Celeste serves as a metaphor for Madeline overcoming her problems, which as a writer and as someone who has experienced mental health issues myself, I can appreciate. It might not be the most complex piece of symbolism in the world, but it works and it works well. This theming is complemented by the gameplay itself too in a nice example of ludo-narrative synchronicity, as in the face of your literally hundreds upon hundreds of failed attempts, only your own determination not to give up can propel you onwards.

As you draw closer to the peak, you’ll meet and interact with various supporting characters. They’re all quite reliably grounded and likeable, and each of them strike a chord in different ways. First off is Theo, let’s call him our frame of reference as the most “normal” person in the story; a wanderlusting and aimless amateur photographer who’s also climbing the mountain, occasionally slightly brusque in his manner but also pragmatic and sensible with it. Then there’s a portly and spectacularly neurotic hotel owner who may or may not be dead and tends to overthink and worry to the point of paralysis; a half-mad old woman who lives at the foot of the mountain; and an evil red-eyed palate swap of Madeline representing all of her uncertainty and self-doubt who constantly tries to sabotage her ascent... You know, the usual stuff. Their interactions are well written and touching, with two particular moments close to the summit sticking in my mind.

Speaking of characters and their interactions, one object of note is that while the majority of the game is, as I mentioned earlier, presented in low-detail pixel art, for dialogue and key story beats the visuals employ cute, hand drawn illustrations. On their own they’re quite enjoyable to look at, but being spread out by large expanses of pixel art makes each one feel far more special and worth savouring. I found myself taking screenshots of the ones I particularly liked just so I could go back and look at them again later.

Overall, I can find very little to complain about with Celeste. About the only recurring issue I could name would be that the input for the left joystick might be a bit unforgiving; it seems like half of all my deaths could be attributed to Madeline dashing a different direction to the one I wanted. You can mitigate this to some degree by switching to the directional buttons, but good luck if you need to change direction more than once; while all other controllers use a single cross-shaped button because it makes it easier to find the direction you want, the Joy-Con’s four individual buttons mean that my thumb keeps getting confused and prodding the space between them. Yes, the Pro controller has a more traditional D-Pad, but it’s positioned below the analogue stick rather than above it like every other controller, so reaching for it feels unnatural and off-putting. And besides, I played most of the game in portable mode anyways, so it’s a moot point. I suppose the easiest fix for this issue is to simply play a different version of Celeste, since it’s available across all platforms, but I can still recommend the Switch version because, like The Binding of Isaac, this game’s model is well suited to being portable, and I enjoy being able to have my pick with how I play it.

Secondly, for a game with such strong writing, I get the feeling that the writers neglected to proof read their final draft. The end of the second level hints at something or someone in Madeline’s past, but after she wakes up from the dream sequence where this happens, that particular story beat is never brought up again. If you’d hoped I would forget about it, Matt, perhaps it would have been worth coming up with another level or two to pad the runtime and improve the odds of that.

The last incredibly petty thing I have to say is that it’s often unclear whether or not Celeste’s mechanics are diegetic – that is to say, whether they exist within the context of the game’s story or purely for the sake of gameplay. Yes, I know that I’m probably the only person who cares about this, but it got on my nerves and it pads out the word count so I’m going to talk about it anyways. Part of the reason for this is that Mount Celeste is established as a supernatural setting that brings certain qualities out in those who scale it, but it’s hard to see where the dividing line is. Is Madeline actually capable of dashing in mid-air? A feat like that should be physically impossible without generating the force of a nuclear blast, but it’s demonstrated in cutscenes multiple times so I suppose she must be? What about the dash-extending space voids in the second level? The whole game it seemed those were simply part of Madeline’s dream, but then during the final climax when the game’s throwing everything it has at you, they return alongside everything else. But like I said, I’m the only person who cares about this so it’s hardly a deal breaker. I digress.

So, bottom line: a narrative triumph with solid and entertaining core gameplay. To be enjoyed by anyone who can face a challenge, and a must-play for those in the indie market.

[americanlibertypac]

Senator Cotton: Immigration in the National Interest

“While we wish our fellow man well, it’s only our fellow citizens to whom we have a duty and whose rights our government was created to protect.” Senator Tom Cotton’s speech given at Hillsdale University.

Thank you. Thank you all. Thank you so much. That is such a warm welcome, and Larry, thank you very much for the kind introduction, as always. After an introduction so splendid, even I am interested in what I will say tonight now.

You know, Larry has had the occasion to introduce me on many occasions, and I’m always grateful for it because he gives such fine remarks. The only complicating factor is the height of these microphones. Fortunately, we’ve worked it out tonight. You know, Hillsdale studies many great statesmen. Two of the greatest would be Abraham Lincoln, who was 6’4”, and Winston Churchill, who was 5’6”. It’s an indication that the truly great men come in all statures and something to which we can all aspire.

Thank you all, Hillsdale, for having me back for my second Hillsdale Constitution Day celebration. At first, I thought this was an encore performance. But then Larry Arnn told me it was more of a shot at redemption. But whatever the case may be, it is always good to see so many old friends and patriots.

In a way, not much has changed since we gathered together two years ago. Yesterday, we celebrated the 230th anniversary of the signing of our Constitution. Earlier this year, Congress was seated for the 115th time under that charter of government. And last year, the American people once again expressed their judgment about our government through regular elections.

But I think we all know a lot more has changed in the last two years, that something more fundamental is afoot. For the first time in all those elections, our people chose as president someone with no high government experience. Not a senator, not a congressman, not a governor, not a cabinet secretary, not a general. It’s worth reflecting on why they did that.

I would suggest it’s because they’ve lost confidence in our governing class-of both parties, in both its competence and its intentions. Government now takes nearly half of every dollar our workers earn and bosses us around in every aspect of life, yet can’t even deliver basic services well. Our working class-the “forgotten man,” to use the phrase favored by Ronald Reagan and FDR-has seen its wages stagnate, while the four richest counties in America are all within inside the Washington beltway. The kids of those forgotten men are the ones who chiefly fight our seemingly endless wars and police our streets, only to come in for criticism too often from the very elite who sleep under the blanket of security they provide.

If you don’t understand this, if last year’s election came as a complete shock to you, then you truly need to spend more time outside of Washington, D.C.

Donald Trump understood those things, though I should add he didn’t cause these things. His victory was more effect than cause of our present discontents. The multiplying failures and arrogance of our governing class are what created the conditions for his victory.

***

Immigration is probably the best example of this. President Trump deviated from Republican orthodoxy on several issues, but immigration was the defining issue in which he broke from a bipartisan conventional wisdom. For years, all Democrats and many Republicans have agreed on the outline of what’s commonly called “comprehensive immigration reform,” which is Washington code for amnesty, mass immigration, and open borders in perpetuity.

This approach was embodied most recently in the so-called Gang of Eight bill in 2013. It passed the Senate, but thankfully we killed it in the House, which I consider among my chief accomplishments in Congress so far. Two members of the so-called Gang of Eight ran for my party’s nomination for president last year. Neither won a single statewide primary. Yet Donald Trump denounced the bill, and he won the nomination.

Likewise, Hillary Clinton campaigned not just for mass immigration, but also on a policy of no deportations of anyone, ever, who’s illegally present in our country. She also accused her opponent of racism and xenophobia. Yet Donald Trump beat her by winning states that no Republican had won since the 1980s.

Clearly, immigration was an issue of signal importance in the election. And that’s because it’s more than just another issue. Immigration touches upon fundamental questions of citizenship, community, and identity. For too long, a bipartisan, cosmopolitan elite has minimized the concerns about these things and put their own interests above the national interest.

No one captured the sensibility better than President Obama when he famously called himself “a citizen of the world.” With that phrase, he revealed a deep misunderstanding of citizenship. After all, citizen and city share the same Greek root word; in its classical meaning, citizenship by definition meant you belonged to a particular political community.

Yet many of our elites share this sensibility. They believe that American citizenship-real, actual citizenship-is meaningless, ought not be foreclosed to anyone, and ought not be the basis for distinctions between citizens and foreigners. You might say they think American exceptionalism lies in not making exceptions when it comes to citizenship.

This globalist mindset is, shall we say, foreign to most Americans. And it’s foreign to the American political tradition.

Take the Declaration of Independence. Our cosmopolitan elites love to cite its stirring passages about the rights of mankind when they talk about immigration, refugees, and so forth. They’re not wrong to do so. Unlike any other country, America is an idea-but it is not only an idea. America is a real, particular place with real borders and real, flesh-and-blood people. And the Declaration tells us it was so from the very beginning.

Before those stirring passages about unalienable rights and nature’s God-in the very first sentence in fact-the founders say it has become “necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands” that tie them to another-one people, one people, not all people, not citizens of the world, but one people. They’re speaking of actual, particular people who made up actual colonies. And they frequently use the words we and us throughout the Declaration to describe that people.

Furthermore, on seven different occasions, the Declaration speaks of “these colonies” and “these states.” The founders were concerned about their own circumstances; they owed a duty to their own people who had sent them as representatives to the Second Continental Congress in Philadelphia. They weren’t trying to free South America from Spanish or Portuguese dominion, much as they might have opposed that.

And perhaps most notably, the founders explain toward the end of the Declaration that they had appealed not only to King George for redress, but also to their fellow British citizens, yet those fellow citizens had been “deaf to the voice of justice and consanguinity.” Consanguinity! That’s pretty much the opposite of being a citizen of the world.

So while the Declaration is of course a universal document, it’s also a particular document about one nation and one people. The founders pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor to each other, in English, right here in America-not in Esperanto to mankind in the abstract.

The Constitution carries forward this concept of American citizenship. It includes only one reference to immigration, where it empowers Congress to “establish a uniform rule of naturalization.” It’s worth pondering a couple points there.

First, what’s that word uniform doing? The Constitution only uses the word three times, when requiring uniform rules for naturalization, bankruptcies, and taxation. These are some of the things that could most closely knit together our union or blow it apart-taxation by the central government, the system of credit upon which the whole free-enterprise [system] depends, and the meaning of citizenship. On these things, the founders insisted upon a single, uniform, nationwide standard. Diverse habits and laws are suitable for many things in our continental republic, but not for all things. In particular, we can only have “one people” united by a common understanding of citizenship.

Second, that word naturalization implies a citizenship process by which foreigners can renounce their former allegiances and become citizens of the United States. They can cast off what accident and force have thrust upon them-race, class, ethnicity-and take on by reflection and choice a new title: American.

That is a wonderful and beautiful thing, and one of which we are all justly proud. Few Americans love our land so much as the immigrants who’ve escaped the yoke of tyranny.

But our cosmopolitan elites take it to an extreme. They think because anyone can become an American, we’re morally obligated to treat everyone like an American. If you don’t, you’re hard-hearted, bigoted, intolerant, xenophobic. And so the only policies that aren’t inherently un-American are those that effectively erase our borders and erase the distinction between citizen and foreigner: don’t erect barriers on the border; give sanctuary cities a pass; spare illegal immigrants from deportation; allow American businesses to import as much cheap labor as they want. Anything less is a betrayal of our ideals.

But that’s just not the case. Just because you can become an American doesn’t mean you are an American. And it certainly doesn’t mean we must treat you as an American, especially if you don’t play by our rules.

After all, in our unique brand of nationalism, which connects our people through our ideas, repudiating our law is kind of like renouncing your blood ties in the monarchical lands of old. And what law is more fundamental to a political community than who gets to become a citizen, under what conditions, and when?

While we wish our fellow man well, we only serve our fellow citizens. It’s our fellow citizens to whom we have a duty and whom our government is created to serve.

And among the highest obligations we owe to each other is to ensure that every working American can lead a dignified life. If you look across our history, I’d argue that’s always been the purpose of our immigration system: to create conditions in which normal, hard-working Americans can thrive.

Look no further in fact than what James Madison said on the floor of the House of Representatives in 1790, when the first Congress was debating the very first naturalization law. He said, “It is no doubt very desirable that we should hold out as many inducements as possible for the worthy part of mankind to come and settle amongst us, and throw their fortunes into a common lot with ours.” The “worthy” part, not the entire world. Madison continued, “But why is this desirable? Not merely to swell the catalogue of people. No, sir, it is to increase the wealth and strength of the community.”

“To increase the wealth and strength of the community.” That’s quite a statement, and quite a contrast to today’s elite consensus. Our immigration system doesn’t exist to serve the interests of foreigners or wealthy Americans. No, our immigration ought to benefit working Americans and serve the national interest-that’s the purpose of immigration and the theme of the story of American immigration.

***

Although when open-borders enthusiasts tell that story, it sounds more like a fairy tale. The way they tell it, America at first was a land that accepted all comers without conditions. But then, periodically, the forces of nativism and bigotry would rear their ugly head and restrict who could come to the country. They triumphed, for a time, with the Johnson-Reed Act of 1924. But eventually-but eventually-these forces of darkness were defeated by the spirit of Emma Lazarus and “The New Colossus” poem, with the passage of the Immigration and Nationality Act of 1965, which again opened our shores and is still the law governing our immigration system today-and everyone lived happily ever after.

Well, if I were to grade that account, not even as strictly as Larry Arnn or a Hillsdale professor, I would give them an F for history and an A in creative writing-because the history of immigration in America is not one of ever-growing tides of huddled masses from the Pilgrims to today. On the contrary, throughout our history, American immigration has followed a surge-and-pause pattern. The first big wave was the Irish and German immigrants in the 1840s and 1850s. Then immigration tapered off during the Civil War. The second big wave was the central and southern European immigrants in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. This wave ended with the 1924 Act and the years of lower immigration that followed. And now, we’re in the longest wave yet, the surge of immigration from Latin America and East and South Asia, which has followed from the 1965 Act.

In this actual history-not the fairy-tale history-the 1924 Act is not an aberration, but an ebb in the regular ebb and flow of immigration to America. After decades of unskilled mass immigration, that law responded by controlling future immigration flows. One result of lower levels of immigration was that it allowed those earlier immigrants to assimilate, learn new skills, and move up the economic ladder, creating the conditions for mass affluence in the post-war era.

Now, there’s no denying that the story of American immigration also has its uglier chapters: the Chinese Exclusion Act, the national-origins quota system imposed by the 1924 Act, the indifference to Jews in the 1930s. We ought to remember and learn from this history. One important lesson, though, is this: if the political class had heeded the concerns of working Americans during the second wave, the 1924 Act likely would’ve passed earlier and been less restrictionist. The danger lies not in addressing our people’s legitimate, reasonable concerns about immigration; the danger lies in our leaders’ ignoring those concerns and slandering the people as bigots.

But then, we shouldn’t be surprised when politicians fail to understand fully the implications of their actions. Take the 1965 Act. That law ended the national-origins quota system, and at the time, was minimized in its importance. In fact, when President Johnson signed it into law, he said, “The bill that we sign today is not a revolutionary bill. It does not affect the lives of millions. It will not reshape the structure of our daily lives, or really add importantly to either our wealth or our power.”

How wrong he was.

***

The economy we’re living in today is in no small part a result of the 1965 Act because it opened the door to mass immigration of unskilled and low-skilled workers, primarily through unlimited family chain migration. And that’s not an economy anyone should be satisfied with.

Today, we have about a million immigrants per year. That’s like adding the population of Montana every single year-or the population of Arkansas every three years. But only one in 15-one in 15 of those millions-plus immigrants-come here for employment-based reasons.

The vast majority of them come here simply because they happen to be related to someone already here. That’s why, for example, we have more Somalia-born residents than Australia-born residents, even though Australia is nearly twice the size as Somalia and Australians are obviously better prepared, as a general matter, to integrate and assimilate into the American way of life.

In sum, over 36 million immigrants, or 94 percent of the total, have come to America over the last 50 years for reasons having nothing to do with employment. And that’s to say nothing of the over 24 million illegal immigrants who have come here as well. Put them together and you have 60 million immigrants, legal and illegal, who did not come to this country because of a job offer or because of their skills. That’s like adding almost the entire population of the United Kingdom. And it also says nothing of the millions of temporary guest-workers we import every year into our country.

Now, unlike some open-border zealots, I don’t believe the law of supply and demand is magically repealed for the labor markets. That means our immigration system has been depressing wages for people who work with their hands and on their feet, for people who have to take a shower after they get off work, not before they go to work.

In fact, wages for Americans with a high-school degree have dropped by two percent since the late 1970s, and for those who didn’t finish high school, they’ve dropped by a staggering 17 percent. And studies say, though immigration has a minimal effect overall on the wages of Americans, it has a severe negative effect on low-skilled workers, minorities, and even recent immigrants.

Is automation to blame in part? Sure. Is globalized trade partly to blame? Yes, of course. But there’s no denying that a steady supply of cheap, unskilled labor has hurt working-class wages as well. Plus which, among those three factors, immigration policy is the one that we can control most easily for the benefit of the American worker. Yet we’ve done the opposite by allowing immigration to consistently hurt our blue-collar workers.

Trust me, I know the response of open-border enthusiasts; I hear it all the time. They plead that we need a steady supply of cheap unskilled labor because there are “jobs that no American will do.” But that just isn’t so. There is no job Americans won’t do. In fact, there’s no industry in America in which the majority of workers are not natural-born Americans-not landscapers, not construction workers, not ski instructors, not lifeguards, not resort workers, not childcare workers-not a single job that over-educated elites associate with immigrants. Because the simple fact is, if the wage is decent and the employer obeys the law, Americans will do any job. And for tough, dangerous, and physically demanding jobs, maybe working folks do deserve a little bit of a raise.

“No American will do that job.” Let me just pause for a moment and confess how much I detest that sentiment. As I’ve said, it’s ignorant of the economic facts. Furthermore, it’s insulting, condescending, and demeaning to our countrymen. Millions of Americans make our hotel beds and build our houses and clean our offices; imagine how they feel when they hear some pampered elite say no American will do their job. And finally, I must say, that sentiment also carries more than a whiff of the very prejudice of which they accuse those concerned about the effects of mass immigration.

But it’s not only the harmful impact on blue-collar workers. There’s another problem with the current system. Because we give two-thirds of our green cards to relatives of people here, there are huge backlogs in the system, which force highly talented immigrants to wait in line for years behind applicants whose only claim to naturalization is a random family connection to someone who happened to get here years ago. We therefore lose out on the very best talent coming into our country-the ultra-high-skilled immigrants who can come to America, stand on their own two feet, pay taxes, and through their entrepreneurial spirit and innovation create more and higher-paying jobs for our citizens.

To put it simply, we have an immigration system that is badly failing Madison’s test of increasing the wealth and strength of the community. It might work to the advantage of a favored few, perhaps, but not for the common good, and especially not the good of working-class Americans.

***

And that’s why I’ve introduced legislation to fix our naturalization system. It’s called the RAISE Act: Reforming American Immigration for a Strong Economy.

The RAISE Act will correct the flaws in the 1965 Act by reorienting our immigration system towards foreigners who have the most to contribute to our country. It would create a skills-based points system similar to Canada’s and Australia’s. Here’s how it would work. When people apply to immigrate here, they’d be given an easy-to-calculate score, on a scale of 0 to 100, based on their education, age, job salary, investment ability, English-language skills, and any extraordinary achievements. Then, twice a year, the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services would invite the top scorers to complete their applications, and it would invite enough high-scoring applicants to fill the current 140,000 annual employment-based green-card slots.

We’d still admit spouses and unmarried minor children of citizens and legal permanent residents. But we’d end the preferences for most extended and adult family members-no more unlimited chain migration. We’d also eliminate the so-called diversity visa lottery, which hands out green cards randomly without regard to skills or family connections, is plagued by fraud, and doesn’t even promote diversity since Europeans are the fastest growing beneficiaries. No offense, Penny. We’d remove per-country caps on immigration, too, so that high-skilled applicants aren’t shut out of the process simply because of their country of origin. And finally, we’d cap the number of refugees offered permanent residency to 50,000 per year, in line with the recent average for the Bush era and most of the Obama era-and still quite generous.

Add it all up and our annual immigrant pool would be younger, higher-skilled, and ready to contribute to our economy without using welfare, as more than half of immigrant households do today. No longer would we distribute green cards essentially based on random chance, nor would we import millions of unskilled workers to take jobs from blue-collar Americans and undercut their wages. And over a 10-year period, our annual immigration levels would decrease by half, gradually returning to historical norms.

***

And now, given current events, this legislation is timelier than ever.

Earlier this month, President Trump announced that he would wind down over six months the unconstitutional Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program, also known as DACA. President Obama abused his authority with DACA, purporting to give legal status to illegal immigrants who arrived here as children and who now are in their twenties and thirties. As we’ve seen, the Constitution reserves to Congress the power to make uniform laws of naturalization. Even a part-time, left-wing law professor would concede that the president lacks that power-and, indeed, President Obama conceded it.

Because of President Obama’s unlawful action, about 700,000 people are now in a kind of legal limbo. President Trump did the right thing as a matter of law by ending DACA, though as a matter of policy he’d prefer its beneficiaries don’t face deportation. Democrats agree; a lot of Republicans do, too. So the question isn’t so much about deportation, but rather if and what kind of compromise Congress can strike.

And here’s where the RAISE Act comes in. We can, if we choose, grant citizenship to those illegal immigrants who came here through no fault of their own as kids and who’ve otherwise been law-abiding, productive citizens. But if we do, it will have the effect of legalizing through chain migration their parents-the very people who created the problem by bringing the kids here illegally. Some like to say that children shouldn’t pay for the crimes of the parents, but surely parents can pay for the crimes of the parents. And that’s to say nothing of their siblings and spouses, and then all the second- and third-order chain migration those people can create. So simply codifying DACA without ending chain migration would rapidly accelerate the wave of unskilled immigrant labor that’s been depressing the wages of working Americans.

An obvious compromise, then, is to pair any attempt to codify DACA with reform of the green-card system to protect American workers. A standalone amnesty will not do, nor will an amnesty with vague promises of “border security,” which never seem to materialize or get funded once the pressure is off Congress.

But if we were to codify DACA along with the reforms in the RAISE Act, we would protect working Americans from the worst consequences of President Obama’s irresponsible decision. President Trump has said chain migration must be ended in any legislative compromise and he’s highlighted the RAISE Act as a good starting point for those negotiations. I support that approach, and I’m committed to working with my colleagues, Democrats and Republicans alike, on a deal that protects America’s workers and citizens.

***

But it won’t be easy. Immigration has emerged in recent years as a kind of acid test for our leaders-a test they’ve mostly failed. Our cosmopolitan elite-in both parties-has pursued a radical immigration policy that’s inconsistent with our history and our political traditions. They’ve celebrated the American idea, yet undermined the actual American people of the here and now. They’ve forgotten that the Declaration speaks of “one people” and the Constitution of “We the People.” At the same time, they’ve enriched themselves and improved their quality of life, while creating a new class of forgotten men.

It’s not surprising, then, that the people rebelled last year. There’s probably no issue that calls more for an “America First” approach than immigration. After all, the guidepost of our immigration policy should be putting Americans first-not foreigners and not a tiny elite. Our immigration policy should serve the “wealth and strength” of our people, as Madison said in that first Congress. It should not divide our nation, impoverish our workers, and promote hyphenated Americanism.

Citizenship is the most cherished thing our nation can bestow on someone. Our governing classes ought to treat it as something special. We ought to put the interests of our citizens first, and welcome those foreigners best prepared to handle the duties of citizenship and contribute positively to our country. When we do, our citizens will begin to trust us once again.

Thank you, God bless you, and God bless the one people of these United States.

Tom Cotton was elected to the U.S. Senate from Arkansas in 2014, following one term in the U.S. House of Representatives. He serves on the Senate Banking Committee, the Senate Intelligence Committee, and the Senate Armed Services Committee. A graduate of Harvard College, he studied government at the Claremont Graduate School and received his J.D. from Harvard Law School in 2002. In 2005, he was commissioned as a 2nd Lieutenant in the U.S. Army, rose to 1st Lieutenant, and served deployments in Iraq with the 101st Airborne and in Afghanistan with a Provincial Reconstruction Team. His military decorations include the Bronze Star Medal, Combat Infantry Badge, and Ranger Tab.

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta Albania to Eurovision with ethno beats

Sorry to be late to start all this, but you know, Albanians love doing their show around the Christmas period - whether before or after. xD So after this show, I was rather engulfed in Christmas and stuff, packing the gifs for every family member, putting them under the tree and waking up to see their (belated) reactions to their own gifts. Oh, and a festive dinner on the Eve. (And now it's been less than 1 and a half months since the end of this!)

But enough about that, you guys are here for my honest review, right?

Right.

I, for one, am a true fan of the ridiculous runtime of Festivali i Këngës në Radiotelevizion Shqiptar (and how the full lenght title is pronounced with the broadcaster’s name included every other single time), and that's because it allows me to discuss every single detail that I see, that goes wrong, that's just plain hilarious, and printscreen those said things. Among all these weird sights that can be seen during the interval acts and advertisements there's at least one instance of somebody in the show being such a "mood". Just like the broadcaster's current higher up for all things Eurovision at home (i.e.: commentator, spokesperson and occasional conversator), Andri Xhahu:

“mmhmm sure, keep on telling how much you love all the acts while I pretend I care, but in fact I’d rather just go home and eat something real quick”

Trust me, everyone in this show is a master of not giving a single damn. Artists, backings, instrumentalists, interval acts even maybe? All kinds of people in Albania are just mediocred out by things happening in FiK, thus nothing is remotely surprising!

Well, except for the results this year. Sure, everyone had their little outrage on social media the very time it was revealed that the international public’s darling Mirud did not impress the FiK jurors enough to qualify, but others were simply rejoicing that at least another big fave qualified - and to the fans’ dy shokë, a favourite won once again! And this one is an artsy, mid-tempo call to all of the abroad Albanians to “return to the land”, provided by the one and only, Jonida Maliqi.

And so you thought a big FiK favourite wouldn’t manage to win 2 years in a row... let alone reach Eurovision. It was nearly a given FiK juries could rather have had their traditional FiK-ness when picking the winner and that it would have become Lidia Lufi or even one of those old people, one of them being THE CONDUCTOR OF THE WHOLE SHOW (and if he was not qualifying, he’d probably have been ultra upset and leave his position from FiK’s orchestra that he has now observed every year since idk), so it’s refreshing to see Albania take on some new winds - last year with Eugent Bushpepa, this year with Jonida. Not that she was a big favourite of mine though, but you know, “Mall” was so incredibly difficult to top standart-wise that I actually didn’t really mind letting go of the songs by Dilan Reka, Klinti Çollaku and Alar Band (and 3 more nonqualifiers) emotionally. I mean, with the competition this incredibly improving in competence and easy good winners, it was a given that none of these would have even come close to reach a stellar placing in the final leaderboard of FiK. And yes, I consider my taste incredibly out of fashion with what everyone wants. Thank you for noticing.

When I first heard this, I didn’t really have a great impression on this track - the 1st verse/chorus and the 2nd verse/chorus have an extreeeeemely long gap between each other, which bothered me. Shouldn’t the song have some short enough gateway to pass the point across easier? The second thing is that it’s a little too slow. Not long after she won I became acquainted with the song’s Nightcore versions (yep! 2 of them exist apparently), and going back to he studio version of this, the slowness of it put me off. But on later listens I managed to appreciate its better qualities - the song is intense, tackles a decent topic (which will probably be underlooked if the staging does not account for it clearly enough - looking at you France 2018), the folksy interlude is too precious to be gotten rid off for the upcoming revamp (I just think it needed to be placed elsewhere... until I realized it is in an alright position songwise), the backing vocals at the last few seconds add some charm to the song, and at least there are some vocalisations! Juries obviously love it when an act tests their high vocal abilities, and often great notes don’t go too unnoticed by them. Remember why was Eugent’s performance so loved by the juries - if he haven’t done THAT, nothing would have given him a final ticket in the first place.

So that means that the first time viewers at home have a hefty fine chance to also not get what’s happening, right? Unless the music gets drastically devamped (like in 2016) and the performance is too heavy to connect with this song, it is probably going to do alright. The 2nd night performances this FiK were all devoted to the idea of preparing the acts for Eurovision in an unavoidable case of one of them winning. And Jonida’s performance uses rather cartoonish (but decent cartoonish) city-at-night shots in the background (with street lamps, traffic lights, maybe a bridge and the rest) and several random dancers too, which you can see for yourselves below:

(I’d like to inform her though that constantly interchanging street motives on the background aren’t a very good addition - Latvia 2009 went with all-round street and city signs and that didn’t work, and the 2009 stage was HUGE! Also maybe the dress is a little too extravagant for the topic of the song but that’s a nitpick. Sorry about it)

And even though it’s just 1 song (and the reason the top 1s keep poping up right after FiK is over - a common practice even among very small Eurovision fan Youtube channels) (edit: now we have 4 songs at the point of me finishing this but still), I do believe that already writing it off is harsh. Obviously the Albanian revamp curse is going to take place, but sometimes it comes to a complete advantage if the artist knows what he or she is doing and how to turn everything to their strenght rather than weakness. Eugent just happened to do more impressive vocal heights than Lindita. And Eugent didn’t even need to wear something too extra unlike Lindita, which for some reason was having to deal with a bridal attire..? not a really suitable wear for a song about world problems, yanno what I mean?? So it’s for the better if Jonida’s team doesn’t have to harm the song all too much, choose a connecting staging, do something piercing about it, don’t make Jonida look like a clown on stage, and generally don’t let her come across as too weird and cold-hearted. She should be seen pouring her heart out and let the world know that she’s talking to the Albanians (and hopefully even Kosovars) ‘round the world - to all the Ritas, to all the Duas, to all the Bebes.

Approval factor: I didn’t say I hate it so I approve it wholeheartedly! Yes I like.

Follow-up factor: in my sole opinion I would still find “Mall” way better but this current entry is good enough also, so it’s obviously a fair enough follow-up after the previous and the rest past entries for Albania.

Qualification factor: somewhere in the middle of things right now, if only Jonida’s capable of making everythhing against her work in her favour and shock the naysayers like Eugent did post-revamp that looked like it killed his chances

NATIONAL FINAL BONUS

If you don’t want to read any more of my review from this point on, just simply leave this post, thanks!

But if, however, you do want to read these post-ramblings, pls b mah frien.

So did we have Fest 57 through and it always delivered a fiesta of too many ads and too many intervals. Like you could have sworn that this show should have ended 5 years earlier than initially planned. Yet you wake up and find it still going, but more in the post-show form, with the jury still continuing to blabber about what exactly do they like in a contestant’s song for some reason. And then, when you least expect anything to happen - they mention “lista finale”! Ahh what a miracle.

Anyway, in this segment I’m here to highlight some special things that have happened:

• The puppetmaster from Night 2. No one knew what was that for, no one knew why was it needed, no one knew if it was even a little bit funny. But this Francesca Michielin’s auntie delivered a bunch of stuffed ‘humans’ to show around in front of the camera and stage something out of them. And the world was s h o o k

• Sound problems. One contestants had quiet mics at the beginning of the song (and this is FiK, which means that the poor acts WILL get a definite repeat of their entry, even if they had said their word against it. Sorry Miss Põldvere...), and another act got away with the entirety of it being completely not tuned in correctly soundwise, thus sounding completely all reverb-y and at one point even the mic feed for the backings was louder than the vocals of the artist. Hilariously enough, the both reprised acts won an award!

• Speaking of which, everyone thought that the first award of the night was actually the winner announcement. Even me. Oh how much we were falsely alarmed on this particular thing... xD

• Obviously the results. I honestly don’t think that Mirud’s nonqualification is such a mystery, despite the fact that as of lately the FiK juries are down for uplifting the audience faves. But I saw something that could have turned his song into something unbearably weak and nondescript, despite his pain and heart streamed out in bold colors through the song, considering this is the country that revamps their entries a lot. It could have been, and I’m dreading to say this but I am gonna say it anyway, a meaningless R’n’B ballad trying to show something, but projecting it too weakly. Of course I liked it, but I wouldn’t have pointed at it saying; “that right there, it’s definitely a contender”. But I definitely felt sorry for him and his song. Look what I messaged him:

• Dilan Reka’s quality stepdown. Look, I didn’t even listen to “Mos harro” as of yet, but I can definitely feel that “Karma” is some sort of a sub-par standart entry everyone gave hard time for because it wasn’t as likeable as “Mos harro”, which could have been the beginner of the good Albanian streak I suppose had it won the NF over Lindita? Or at least that’s what the fans think. Anyways, I liked “Karma” and I don’t ever want to stop defending its fun factor. The only thing not worth defending in this is Dilan’s styling:

No but WHO TOLD HIM YELLOW SUNGLASSES AND THIS SUIT WERE A GOOD IDEA???? leave.

• The girl who sang "Hallelujah" during a results break (there were several of these, can you believe that?). That was presumably Ana Kondra (you know, the one that advised to not touch her tree two years back? In JESC?) presumably singing in a personally warped take on English language, if not the actual English.

• Somewhere in the world there was hype-a-comin’ for these two: the cheap beats queen Soni Malaj and the retro hipster queen Orgesa Zaimi. While I can’t say I disliked their songs legit, it beats me as to what is attracting people to support the latter a lot, considering Orgesa submitted a bit of a huge stepdown from the cheerful “Ngrije zërin“. She at least retained her hipster attire though, even if without those French sunglasses. Oh and as for Soni, I gotta commend the Eurofan audience for still giving in some cheap Balkan pop trash! Though for country like Albania, it was never gonna win anyways. And I wasn’t hyped either. Seriously, who thought that adding some extra confused guys spout “bum bum bum” at the beginning was remotely GOOD??

Think I noted all momentswise. May I add that I’m glad to hear Jonida was allowed to sing in Albanian by RTSH (who apparently DECIDE what kind of language is more fitting for their own entry once it’s decided it’s ready for Eurovision???? I feel you, Elhaida’s composer from FiK 2014, if I had to face these rules, I’d have quit too)? It definitely takes this song up for advantage, and who cares if no one can understand it - we still have had an Albanian song about personal matters qualify, plus it was performed live on such an unfortunate occasion back at home so the power had to be extremely maxed out for that to work, and it did.

And one last thing: I did only watch the final of this, and the first time I heard this performed live, I was lowkey convinced this would indeed win because the orchestra made it sound like a stereotypical FiK winner - dramatic female ballad/midtempo/whatever having this dramatic power in chorus with all of the instruments blown right onto it. Not even the rest of the top 3 and other ballads this year were this much instrumentally packed. So there goes.

[anoldwound]

Theory of Loveativity

Title:Theory of Loveativity Genre:Humor/Romance Rating:PG-13 Summary:Have you ever wondered why you can never seem to get a date, even though there's nothing wrong with you? Renee Kingston has a theory about why this is. Author's Notes:Thought I'd post this. I wrote this after musing to myself how very strange a thing love is...then I came up with a bitter character who could somehow twist that thought into a theory. Enjoy. ^_^ “I have a theory,” said Renee Kingston, munching on her sandwich. Her friends all looked at her. It was the start of fifth-period lunch, and usually they all spent the first five minutes eating and not talking to each other. If Renee was breaking this tradition, it must be something important. “What is it?” asked Arela Styles, flipping her coppery red hair over her shoulder. “I’ve been thinking,” Renee continued, wiping her mouth and setting her sandwich down. “You know how John turned me down for that date on Friday?” “Yeah,” said Jolie Fletcher, nodding slowly. “It got me thinking,” said Renee. “All my life I’ve been turned down by guys, over and over again, and lately it’s been making me wonder why. I mean, I’m pretty good-looking, right? Nice personality and all that?” “Absolutely,” Tracy Rochester agreed, smiling warmly. “Thanks. But anyway, like I was saying. So if throughout my entire existence guys have never liked me when there’s not necessarily anything wrong with me—” “People have probably liked you,” Tracy interrupted. “Maybe you just don’t know about it.” Renee ignored her. “—and there’s still all these people who end up with other people, and they love each other and all. It got me thinking about how odd and strange that is. I mean, if I was an asexual alien observing life on earth—” “Which you are anyway,” Arela smirked. Renee glared at her, then continued. “As I was saying...if I was that alien, I would think about how improbable it would be for two people to fall in love with each other at the same time. I mean, what’re the odds? A one in a million chance.” “Well, it happens,” said Jolie. “You can’t deny it. You see it every day.” “Aha! See, that’s where you’re wrong. Or could be, which leads me to my theory. My theory is, is that nobody really falls in love with people who love them back.” “What?!” exclaimed Jolie. “That’s crazy!” “Oh, really? Is it?” asked Renee darkly. “I don’t think it is. Sure, it may happen once in a while, but not all the time.” “That makes no sense,” Arela declared. “How do you explain the thousands and thousands of couples all over the world?” “Easy,” said Renee, shrugging. “Either they’re both in it just for the sex, or one of them genuinely loves the other one, but the feeling is not mutual.” “But why would that other person be in the relationship if they didn’t feel the same way?” Tracy asked. “Because they’re either desperate or feel sorry for the other person...or because they think they love the other person, but they really don’t.” “What? You mean like infatuation or something?” asked Arela. “Maybe,” said Renee. “Or something in the back of their brain is telling them, ‘Hey. This person likes me. I should like them too, or I’ll never reproduce’.” Arela started cracking up while Tracy and Jolie looked at Renee like she was crazy. “What? What! Oh, c’mon, don’t tell me that’s not possible! How else can you explain people falling in and out of love so fast?” “Because it’s lust, not love,” said Arela. “Lust doesn’t sustain relationships for very long. People mix up the two all the time, but there are still people who really, honestly love each other. You’re just a bitter old lady.” “I’m seventeen; I’m not an old lady,” Renee said. “And besides, who are you to talk? Make-Out Queen of the Lower East Side.” Arela chuckled. “Got a point there. But see, I’m not deluding myself under the notion that those flings are actual relationships.” “Well, whatever,” said Renee dismissively. “The point is, two people loving each other at the same time is so illogical that the only logical conclusion that can be reached is that it’s all a hoax.” “Oh, Renee, you’ve gone off the deep end,” Jolie giggled. “Our little conspiracy theorist,” said Tracy fondly, ruffling Renee’s blonde hair. “I am not a conspiracy theorist,” said Renee sulkily, crossing her arms. “I’m just being realistic.” “You’re being crazy, that’s what you’re being,” said Jolie. “You’re all just hopeless romantics,” said Renee, rolling her eyes. “You refuse to face the fact that all of your relationships are, were, and will be meaningless.” “And you’re a deluded, bitter old maid,” Arela grinned. “Yeah,” said Tracy. “You’ll find someone someday, Renee.” “You guys aren’t getting it!” Renee exclaimed. “This isn’t about me! It’s just the conclusion I’ve reached because I’m seventeen and still never gone on a date or been kissed!” “Sounds like it’s about you,” said Arela. “Miss Bitter Teen 2005.” Renee threw her paper bag at her. Arela just laughed. “I have another theory,” said Tracy. “It’s that teenage boys are all hormones and testosterone and only want ass and that’s it.” “A much better theory,” chuckled Arela. “Whatever,” said Renee, standing up. “I’m getting cookies.” She left, muttering something about being underappreciated. “So...have you told her yet?” Jolie said quietly to Tracy. Tracy sighed. “No. Not yet.” “Well, you better,” said Arela. “Or I’m doing it for you, dammit. I can’t stand watching this anymore. Renee is so oblivious. It’s obvious that you’re crazy about her.” “I don’t want to ruin the friendship,” Tracy insisted. “It would just freak her out, wouldn’t it? I think it’s best to keep this quiet. She'd just reject me, anyway. She doesn't like girls.” Arela shook her head. “Tsk tsk. You need to get this off your chest.” “I’ve kept it a secret for three years; I don’t think I’ll have too much trouble doing it for another five months,” said Tracy. She looked over at Renee standing on the long snack line, tapping her foot impatiently. She sighed. “I dunno. Maybe Renee’s theory is right. I’m never going to find someone either.” “Oh, no, not you too...” Jolie groaned. “You’ll find someone,” said Arela firmly. “And Renee will too. And if I have anything to say about it, you’ll find each other.” “That sounds like something from a corny love song,” Tracy chortled. “But seriously, do not tell her. Please.” “Oh, fine,” Arela snapped as Renee came back cookie-less. “But don’t say I didn’t try to help.” “Try to help with what?” asked Renee, sitting down. “She offered me a cheat sheet for the Calculus test,” Tracy said. “I told her no.” “Well, at least some of us have our morals intact,” said Renee, glaring at Arela, who grinned sheepishly. Tracy smiled and poked at her salad with a spork. Renee’s theory. The Theory of Loveativity. She chuckled softly to herself. Heh. Loveativity. “What’s so funny?” Jolie asked her. “Just thinking about Renee’s theory,” Tracy said. “I’ve dubbed it The Theory of Loveativity.” Renee laughed. “Theory of Loveativity. I like it!” Tracy smiled. “Thank you.” She stared at Renee as she continued to talk to the other two. Yep. Theory of Loveativity. Hopefully someday she could prove it wrong. FIN.

[braincoins]

Title: Rebel Heart Fandom: “Voltron: Legendary Defender” Summary: Some rules are meant to be broken. Ships: Shallura, background Klance Warnings: Barely-edited Author’s Notes: For the Shallura Sundays prompt: Rebellion. As usual, barely edited. Also a bit rushed. I'm sorry for the cheesy title, I really am. (2,504 words - also on AO3)

           Allura had always been a stickler for the rules. Well, almost always; when she was younger, she hadn’t seen the need for them, and had flouted them routinely. But as she’d gotten older, she’d begun to understand that rules existed for a reason.

           And, ever since then, she’d behaved herself as a princess of Altea should behave. She followed the rules and she expected others to as well. The paladins had come to learn that about her quickly, with her insistence on training, surprise drills, and her constant reminders about the Paladin Code.

           With no father, no people, and precious little hope after ten thousand years of Zarkon running rampant, the rules were one of the few things she had left to depend on. She had the rules, and Coran, and the mice, and the Paladins of Voltron, as well as Voltron itself. And, she felt, they all depended on her in return, except for the rules. The rules simply were, and were not to be ignored or flouted.

           Of course, nothing was that simple. Because one of the rules of leadership was that fraternization was not allowed. A leader had to remain separate, above. She couldn’t afford the appearance of favoritism. Developing friendship and camaraderie with the paladins was one thing, but she knew the affection she had for Shiro was starting to edge past that. They’d have gone far, far past it by now if she hadn’t been reining her heart in.

          Her feelings for him were increasingly inappropriate, and it was all she could do to stem the tide and carry on as normal. When the universe was depending on her and on them, she could hardly afford to act like a moon-struck child. She swallowed down the flutters he gave her whenever he smiled or laughed and kept herself steady at the helm.

          She was conducting a test of the Castle’s comm systems, cycling through the channels. It stopped when it picked up a voice: Shiro’s. Her heart raced just hearing him speak.

           “…and none of that even matters.”

           Keith’s voice replied, “Of course it matters!” He sounded insistent and stubborn; no real surprise there.

           “It doesn’t. It’s not allowed,” Shiro maintained.

           Now she was very interested. What could they be talking about? She knew she shouldn’t be listening in, but she couldn’t help herself.

           “Not ‘allowed’,” Keith huffed. “Who cares about that? This isn’t the Garrison!”

           “I care about it. It’s… it’s not right.”

           “How does it get more right than that?” Keith challenged him. Allura waited for a response, but none seemed forthcoming. Finally, Keith spoke again. “You’re hiding behind rules and regulations that are meaningless out here.”

           That was what got Shiro to respond. “They’re not meaningless. If anything, they mean more than ever.”

           Keith huffed again, but Shiro didn’t let him say anything.

           “These aren’t just pointless rules or outdated traditions. This isn’t like ‘lights out at 9’ or something like that. This is important. It affects the entire team and how we work together. And we are the universe’s only hope. We have to maintain discipline.”

           Now she felt less guilty for eavesdropping. Something was going on that might impact the team’s discipline? She needed to know about it, and she was resolved to give Shiro a stern talking-to about his not bringing it up with her sooner. Her feelings for him didn’t preclude her lecturing him when it was called for.

           “Oh, it’s affecting the team alright,” Keith told him, “but not in the way you think. We can feel it, Shiro. Every time we form Voltron.”

           “…‘We’?” he asked. His worry was audible.

           “I can, anyway. And you know keeping secrets interferes with the bond.”

           “So, wait, is it a secret or isn’t it?” Shiro was starting to regain his confidence.

           “It’s annoying,” Keith declared. “You have to say something. You have to do something about it, and hiding behind ‘fraternization’ isn’t it.”

           Allura blinked at the word. It wasn’t a word she’d expected to hear from Keith. Not that she thought him dumb, but it was… so specific. It carried certain connotations… but maybe that’s just me. Maybe what it means to Earthlings is completely different.

           “I have to do exactly nothing about it,” Shiro shot back, sounding testy, “and you have to shut up about it.”

           Keith groaned. “TELL HER.”

           Allura stopped breathing.

           “I can’t. I cannot do that, Keith.”

           “Why. NOT?”

           “This isn’t like you and Lance.” That both worried and excited her. It was no secret the Red and Blue Paladins were dating, to use the Earth parlance. “You’re equals. She’s our leader.”

           Her eyes widened. She still couldn’t breathe.

           But Shiro was still talking. “She’s gorgeous and intelligent and brave. She’s from a civilization that was so advanced ten thousand years ago that we must look like… like cavemen to her! We’re these backwards hicks from some far-flung planet she’s never heard of, and she’s only putting up with us because she has to, because she has no choice. She’s lost everything and everyone she ever knew, and she’s dedicated to the fight to avenge that. There is No Chance In Hell that she would ever look at any of us that way.”

           You’re wrong. Oh stars, you are so, so wrong, Shiro. She exhaled out of necessity and resumed breathing, faster than she had been before. She wasn’t sure if it was just her body trying to catch up on its lost air or if it was something more than that.

           “You don’t know that,” Keith said. He sounded angry.

           “She’s too proper,” Shiro replied, sounding defeated. “She would never do anything like that.”

           “You. Don’t. Know That,” Keith insisted again. “And you won’t know it unless you talk to her!”

           “I can’t do that, Keith. And I won’t. I will not risk this team for my own selfish desires.”

           She turned and cursed under her breath. He was right, of course. It was the same problem she was struggling with. Whether he returned her feelings or not wasn’t the point. It was improper. It went against everything she’d been taught her whole life, and she couldn’t just throw all of that away. Especially not now that she knew Earth culture was the same.

           “What was that?” Allura blinked at hearing Keith’s question and realized that the comm system was two-way. She hastily shut it down and resumed running her tests, trying to ignore the heat in her face and her heart pounding in her chest. All she could hear was Shiro’s voice in her head: “She’s gorgeous and intelligent and brave,” and “…my own selfish desires.”

           She wanted to tell him. To put him out of his misery and as well as her own. Images danced in her head of fantasies she’d been having that were now teetering on the edge of becoming real.

           She heard the door to the bridge open behind her. She had a terrible, terrible feeling she knew who it was. She pretended to be caught up in her work and tried to get her color back to normal.

           He cleared his throat, and that was enough to confirm for her that it was Shiro. She closed her eyes and mentally begged him to go away. “Forgive me for intruding, Princess.”

           “Oh, Shiro,” she said, pleased at how surprised she sounded. She didn’t turn around, just kept adjusting screens. She couldn’t face him yet. “You’re not intruding. How can I help you?”

           He approached her, his boots tapping on the floor. “What are you up to?”

           “Just running some tests.”

           “On the comms systems?” he guessed.

           She cleared her throat but couldn’t think of an answer. She didn’t want to lie to him, but it was too shameful to admit she’d been caught listening in on a private conversation, nevermind the content of what she’d heard.

           Apparently, she didn’t need to answer. “I thought so. I… I don’t know how much you heard, but…”

           “I’m sorry,” she said immediately. She stopped messing with her screens and they dropped out of sight again as she clasped her hands and fidgeted. She couldn’t bear to look at him, and she was likely blushing again, or still. “I shouldn’t have. It was an accident, and I should’ve shut it off immediately.”

           “Yes, you should have.” He sounded angry, and she winced. “Why didn’t you?”

           “I should have,” she agreed, hoping that would placate him. It didn’t work.

           “Why did you eavesdrop on us? Is it that you don’t trust us?”

           “No, of course not!”

           “You think we’re plotting something?”

           “No, never.”

           “Then what?”

           “It’s… nothing.”

           “No, it’s not nothing. You had no right to listen to that.”

           “You’re correct. I am sorry.”

           “I can’t imagine why you would do something like this, is all.”

           It burst her way out of her throat. “It was your voice.” Shiro went silent and still, near as she could tell; she still couldn’t look in his direction. She watched her hands clasp and unclasp, over and over. “I… I like hearing your voice. And then you mentioned something affecting team discipline, and I was worried, and I was planning on lecturing you about keeping something like that a secret from me, but then there was… I’m sorry.”

           He exhaled hard. “I’m sorry about what you must’ve heard,” he said, voice taut despite the fact that he no longer sounded angry. “I never intended for you to find out, and certainly not like that.”

           “No, of course you didn’t. You’re a good man, Shiro. And you couldn’t have known I would do something like this. I… I never thought I would have, either.” She swallowed the lump in her throat, or tried to. It didn’t seem to help.

           The silence started to congeal around them, and she licked her lips. He was the one to speak up again. “I’m… I’m sorry if I embarrassed you,” he offered.

           “No, it’s not… you don’t have to apologize.” I owe him the truth. She sucked in a breath and raised her head, resolved that she would face this crisis head on, get it over with, and move ahead with fighting Zarkon and saving the universe, as she was supposed to do. She made herself face him. He was red-faced as well, and seemed surprised at her motion. “The truth is…” She had to take another deep breath to get it out. “The truth is I don’t think of you as a caveman. Any of you. Yes, you five are all we have, all the universe has. But I don’t think I could have asked for better. And I am determined to avenge my people, to free those under Zarkon’s iron-fisted rule, and to obtain peace and freedom for the all the universe. But I still have feelings. As inconvenient as it may be, I… I feel the same way about you, Shiro, as you seem to feel for me, if what I overheard is correct.”

           His face got redder. “Really?” She noticed he seemed to be breathing faster, too.

           She chewed her lower lip a little as she nodded, then made herself stop it. It was a leftover habit of her childhood, and not a very royal one at that. She squared her shoulders to try to regain some of her dignity. “And you’re right, of course. Fraternization would be highly improper.”

           “Oh.” He cleared his throat. “Of course.”

           “It would be wrong to…”

           “…to pursue any sort of…”

           “…romantic inclinations,” she finished.

           “Absolutely,” he agreed.

           She forced a smile through the ache in her heart. “We’re both strong enough people that we can admit these feelings and… and move on past them.”

           “Yes. In time.”

           “Of course, yes. In time. We don’t have to act on them.”

           “No.”

           “I’m so glad we agree.”

           “One hundred percent,” he told her. He licked his lips and she couldn’t help watching the action. She wrenched her gaze back to his eyes, dark as deep space and twice as easy to get lost in. She tried to form words, to say… anything to break this spell. No sound came out, even though she was mostly sure her lips moved.

           He cleared his throat. “But, uh… well, to be fair…”

           “Hm?” she managed, eyebrows rising. She hoped he had a change of topic, because she couldn’t stop staring at him.

           “You’ve heard some pretty damning things come out of my mouth. And it’s… y’know, a little uneven as it stands now…”

           She cocked her head in confusion, and he sucked in a breath and held it. She realized what he meant and blushed harder. “I… suppose that is true. I owe you that much. Things should absolutely be equal between us.” Of course, that just resurrected the memory of Shiro comparing Lance & Keith’s relationship “of equals” to his feelings for her. If we were equals, I’d be in your arms right now. I’d’ve kissed you ages ago. She cleared her own throat. “You… you’re handsome and strong, resourceful. A good leader; you know the talents of your team and put them to such good use, time and again. You inspire confidence in them, and in me. Whenever I feel weak, you give me strength.”

           “I have a hard time believing you could ever feel weak,” he admitted.

           “It happens more often than you think. Our task seems impossible sometimes; you give me hope that we can accomplish it.”

           He blushed more. “Thank you for that. I’m sorry if it was awkward.”

           “It was, but… you were right. It’s the least I could do after all of this. And, after all, we’re acknowledging our feelings for each other so that we can…”

           “…get over them.”

           “Right! Exactly. It… it doesn’t have to go any farther than this.”

           “Not at all.”

           “We don’t have to…”

           “…talk about it…”

           “…or hold one another…”

           “…or…” She knew exactly what word he was going to say. It was as if he had said it, and she could hear it hanging in the air. And she could feel herself crumbling. Right here, this was her moment of weakness. This was when she needed him to be strong for her. But even Shiro’s strength had its limits.

           She wasn’t aware of movement, of conscious decision. She didn’t have time to think of what she should or shouldn’t be doing. It was an eyeblink and she was looping her hands around his neck, his arms were sliding around her waist, and their lips were pressed together. Kissing Shiro was a relief, like cool balm on a sunburn.

           We shouldn’t… but the thought didn’t – couldn’t – complete because it felt so right, so good. And when they pulled away from each other to catch their breath, he rested his head against hers and she laughed softly and refused to let go.

           “We’re not very good at this,” he said softly.

           “Maybe we need to practice,” she suggested.

           “At what? Breaking the rules or sticking to them?”

           “Breaking the ones that need to be broken,” she told him.