#just because I have other much more intense hyperfixations going on doesnt mean I dont love this fandom anymore

[llitchilitchi]

no offense but if you don't do dsmp anymore why join the cdream zine and take a spot from an artist that is involved in the fandom

I bumped the post so that other artists would see it and one of the mods said that they want me to apply

besides the contributors list is not a thing yet. why do you even assume I got in or even applied?

[miiilowo]

DAMIEN LAVEY HAS ADHD AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

this started out as a headcanon because i noticed some similarities between how he and i act. but the more i play the games the more shit crops up. heres my evidence, in no particular order. also spoilers for both games i guess

-he doesnt have object permanence

.(if you dont know, people w adhd struggle with object permanence. it isnt like 'the door closed! the rest of the house isnt there anymore! i forgot about it!' but more like 'i left this important item in a drawer and it will never cross my mind until im moving house and find it')

- run on sentences

lots of us, myself included, struggle with having run on sentences all the time. apparently it has something to do with impulsivity and making careless mistakes, but those kinda go hand in hand anyway. i talk to this mf in game a LOT and the amount of times he just goes 'and' instead of making a new sentence is uncountable

- infodumping (what im currently subjecting you to)

damien has stuff he likes. stuff he likes a lot, especially compared to other characters. ive had a good handful of interactions with him where he tells me about a topic he likes for. quite a few paragraphs

- hyperfixations

THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS HYPERFIXATED ON DOLPHINS AND NOBODY CAN TELL ME OTHERWISE GODDAMNIT. in monster camp, theres an event where he brings up watching dolphin documentaries, and invites other people to watch them with him. he also says hes gonna make dolphin shaped cookies. and thats the type of stuff i do when im hyperfixated on something-Ill consume content of it, try to get other people to enjoy it with me, and surround myself with that thing in any way possible, even if it means making dolphin shaped cookies.

also, while other characters have things they like, nobody so far (that ive noticed) likes something as much as he likes knives and fire. and ON that dolphin thing, in the first game, his death is predicted as including an 'unusual amount of bottlenose dolphins'. so. idk he probably wanted to see them and did something stupid to get to them

id also like to note his obsession with how much he hates the sun and wants to eradicate it. not sure what youd call that but it sure is something

- RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria)

damiens whole thing is that hes this toxic masculinity riddled asshole, but that personality is kinda put up as a facade. while that definitely is part of how he is genuinely, he DOES intensify it to please other people-And when thats challenged, or he shows his soft side in any way (that he tries very violently to hide) he gets super defensive. it basically plagues him and he thinks about it way more than he should, so much so that itll trigger a route where hes trying to prove how cool he is-after the other characters call him soft for liking dolphins and wanting a non-violent comic for once.

he cant even enjoy his interest in drag and makeup without feeling like he has to defend himself or be intense about it sometimes. (moss mann also says he makes flower crowns when nobodys looking, but its moss mann, so take that with a grain of salt, i guess)

hes also pretty intensely focused on trying to prove himself as a master survivalist, which is based off of the fact hes sheltered. he does not want people to perceive him that way, evidently

-impulsivity/recklessness

i dont have to explain this one. its damien

-his hatred for math

this experience might not be universal, but for me personally, adhd makes it SUPER fucking hard to do math. im bad at keeping track of things and remembering them, and paying attention without getting distracted, and he seems to have that same issue

- he interrupts people. thats it thats the whole bulletpoint

MISC

unfortunately the whole fidgeting/moving around thing is hard to prove because of the games style. he does enjoy sports and is pretty competitive, though, and i know my adhd fucks with how competitive i am (again, might not be universal, but i have that issue)

A lot of stuff im looking at also says that easy anger and irritability are things people with adhd can struggle with (i can back that up w personal experience) and damien DEFINITELY HAS ANGER AND IRRITABILITY ISSUES

anyway. thats just about everything i can remember right now. this is mostly based off of the second game because ive been playing that one more and its fresher in my mind. if u have any other evidence, give it to me, i will HAPPILY take it. anyways this image is relevant again

EDIT: adding this persons tags because . yeah

[normal-thoughts-official]

ok not to be That Magnus Stan but seeing your last ask... how do you think adhd/sensory issues might intersect with kink for Magnus? (You don't have to answer jkjljljljkllljlk)

i mean pls be That Magnus Stan tbh, and id be more than happy to answer it 👀👀👀

also the ask you’re referring to is no longer my last ask because it took me a while to finish this up, but anyway

ok so there's plenty of things that apply the same way to the both of them - like hyperfixating on their characters when planning roleplay, definitely the whole thing about how domspace (well, subspace for magnus, but u get it) feels a bit like hyperfocus? like his senses are just honed in and particularly for an adhd person that's just great news. like usually his head is all over the place but when he's in subspace he gets that quiet and he's just focusing on his own pleasure and everything else quiets down for a bit

in that sense i feel like it's the opposite of what anon said about being overwhelmed, like, i feel like the enhanced sensations are good for magnus because again adhd = brain desperately looking for stimuli at all times, so when he's engaging in like, orgasm delay/denial, gangbang and the like, he has a clear thing to focus on, sometimes even more than he can really process, and that kind of satisfies his brain?

udhdudndid that sounds stupid but i hope you understand what i mean, like, of course sensory issues could become bad and he might need to safeword but when he's in the proper headspace and he just allows himself to be washed over by the pleasure and let go, it feels like finally his mind is clear. i don't know if i have adhd, but it definitely feels that way for me. also, he might actually need the overstimulation in order to focus and feel pleasure, sometimes. like anything less he just.... wanders away jdhdudjdi i also feel that way

also, warning again just in case! im not saying "wow ppl with adhd are subs". im just conjecturing about how a person who happens to have adhd and be into subbing (and like, specifically the kind of adhd and kinks i hc for magnus) would feel in regards to how those things overlap and change their experience with their pleasure. or well, magnus specifically, not just any person with adhd. but anyway

also that thing i said about following orders and just letting go, like- usually his mind is going a mile a minute, and as a political leader and someone who's been on his own most of his life etc he just worries all the time. how to present, gesticulate, speak, what to say, what to do, he's always hyperaware of his own movements (because he has to) and worrying about others and their pleasure and comfort and shit, so to get to just lie back, not move - be unable to move, even - follow orders and be a good boy? that's some A+ shit right there

you know? he doesnt have to be anxious about anything or try to keep his thoughts and movements in check and guess ppl's reactions or even worry if he's just following orders - orders he knows he'll enjoy, that he's agreed to, planned for, with someone that he trusts - and feeling the pleasure that comes from that. a huge part of his usual thoughts is finally muted and that helps him feel relaxed and mellow and get into subspace. which again, he craves, because usually adhd brain is just aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAA and so subspace is a very welcome and even needed break

even from a neurological standpoint, like... adhd is basically lack of norepinephrine in the brain, and orgasms, especially intense ones, release a lot of that, but I'll try not to nerd out too hard here. tho i might have to go back to that in a minute

isnt it performance art that i had a genius thought that i loved and halfway through finishing the last sentence i just forgot it

oh yeah! thinking specifically about rsd and how this comes into play for someone who's into humiliation kink. there are several psychological analyses that postulate that one of the things attractive about bdsm is that it allows you to explore fears and generally bad situations in a controlled environment. kinda like reading fiction or doing extreme sports. so in that sense bdsm is attractive because it allows you to act on those fears and turn them into something 1- safe, 2- under their control, instead of the other way around, and 3- pleasurable

and like... dont get me wrong it's not that magnus is into being told "ur ugly and no one loves you" or something lmao but in a way humiliation kink is enacting a fantasy of rejection/belittling, except turned inside out? like "you're my good little fucktoy, you were made to be fucked like this, you slut" is degrading and belittling and on the verge of calling someone worthless... except positive. because that's what makes them so great to fuck? so in a way this kind of play flips the tables on many concepts because being a "slut" or a "toy" feels like a compliment. and in this process of degradation you are taking the fear of being worthless and making a scenario where that being true is exactly what makes the person worthwhile

idk i might be reaching a bit here cuz i think im into humiliation that's way more hardcore than i think magnus would be like i straight up enjoy being called worthless lmao but i feel like that makes sense, the way that humiliation/degradation play takes your fear of rejection or shortcoming and is like "but if that were true.... that would make you good" like o shit can't argue with that

and again like.... obviously that's all a very careful line as you're dealing with some sensitive stuff, which is why doms need to go through training to be able to deal with the physical and mental implications of what they're doing. and none of this is conscious of course, i don't think magnus is out there thinking this through deeply or anything, im just saying it's a part of what makes bdsm subconsciously appealing to some ppl. but my point is, rsd might play a part in why magnus is into that mix of praise and humiliation. like i think he needs the praise for reassurance even during play, which alec is more than happy to provide ("you're so beautiful, look at you, so perfect like this, i love you,"), and that kind of play where rejection, praise, and pleasure are all kind of one and the same is appealing because it just makes it all the more overwhelming without actually being negative and your mind is just lost in the almost contradictory stimuli but the pleasure and the positive wins out and you just feel so relaxed and good? yeah

but there's also like, the way that impacts the negative possible outcomes of bdsm. namely, rsd and subdrop

rsd is kind of obvious so i'll try to be brief: it's a sensitive issue and if he's not in the proper headspace for it, it can have the opposite effect and go very wrong very fast, because his reaction to rejection is hyperamplified by it. so if it has the opposite of the desired effect - rejection overpowering praise and pleasure - it might go south so fast he doesnt have the time to yellow. like he can't prevent it before it happens, you know? which is also why i think he wouldn't go Super Deep into humiliation and why the mix with praise is key - which is another way in which they are compatible because alec sure does love praising him

as for subdrop: if you don't know what that is, basically BDSM play is very intense and releases a fuckton of endorphins all at once very fast, so, sometimes, the sub doesn't come down from their orgasm as much as falls facefirst back to earth. meaning, their brain empties itself of endorphins, which leaves them feeling hollow and depressed, sometimes also moody, hypersensitive/prone to crying, fatigued, and just generally bad

which is one of the many reasons aftercare is important! and also proper dom training! with proper aftercare, you can prevent that drop from happening, by keeping the sub feeling positively. reassurance, touch, and other forms to bring physical and/or psychological relief and/or pleasure helps keep their brain from just crashing once the rush of endorphins is over, so it lasts a little longer and they can come down from the high gently. work those neurotransmitters yall! keep them up and running!

so anyway i feel like subdrop is not only a bigger deal for ppl with adhd (because adhd is already a lack of neurotransmitters so fucking up your balance even further is Very Bad), but also more likely to happen if you're not careful, because the "regular" adhd brain already has a lack of neurotransmitters, which keep those endorphins running. so adhd ppl might "run out" of them even easier

NOTE: i'm not affirming that, this is a shot in the dark. i have no data or research to back that up and im nowhere near an expert in neuroscience, i just know the basics. so don't take this part too seriously and definitely don't quote me on it

but anyWAY yeah. my point is, subdrop can be a problem so it’s something that he tries to be prepared for, have some snacks before and after, do proper aftercare, etc. like i said, it’s mostly preventable, although sometimes stuff like this happens even if you do your best. but anyway

and there’s another thing too, which is that one possible sympton of subdrop is feeling rejected and alone. which is super fun when you have rsd! so yeah. subdrop can be very bad for magnus. and like, don’t get me wrong, i’m not saying it happens every time or super frequently or something, but it IS something he has to watch out for possibly more than others haha man thinking about how camille didn’t care about this at ALL. he knows it can be bad, but he’s also learnt how to prevent it for him, and as the healthy bastards that they are, magnus and alec talk about that in length. during alec’s Research™ he comes across that concept and he brings it up with magnus and makes sure that he knows everything there is to know about how and when magnus experiences subdrop and how to deal with that. he also makes magnus promise to let him know if he ever has it, because alec WILL drop everything to go and give him extra care. and it’s sweet

on a better note! BDSM has been shown to be associated with lower levels of rejection sensitivity among practitioners. so that’s nice? like obviously magnus won’t find the cure for his rsd with BDSM or anything, but i like the idea of magnus opening his eyes one day and realizing that hey, ever since alec and i have been doing play more often, i’ve been feeling a little less affected by rejection?

also like, BDSM as a whole helps enhance trust and communication in a relationship (obviously it needs to already be there for the BDSM activities to take place and like please everyone everything i’m saying here is on people who enjoy it. how you perceive these actions is heavily influenced by whether or not you enjoyed them so i’m not saying that BDSM is great for everyone, i’m saying that it’s great for people who are into it. so don’t go thinking BDSM will do your relationship good or something, k? k) for obvious reasons, so that also helps magnus feel more secure you know. so that’s a positive way that these things interact too 

and okay, i think that’s all i have? not that this isn’t gigantic but like you know. i don’t know how to end this other than uh i had fun answering that ask! also, again, i’m not a psychologist or a neuroscientist and there is actually pretty little research on the psychological effects of BDSM as most of the discussion seems to be centered on “is kink a disease?” due to stigmatization, so like, please, i’m doing this for fun, alright? i tried to make it as accurate as possible and also i get Into It and dive deep into research sometimes so while this is a somewhat educated guess, don’t take everything i say here as face value

in short, thanks for asking!