#just an old “i dont like that guy” cos i always felt like he was there to make a mother and wife out of carol

[lynxiepancakes]

i think i COMPLETELY dissociated from s6 of the walking dead going on cos why did i discover just know there's a kiss scene between ezekiel and michonne and just never ??? idk remembered it ?????

[dinogoofy]

Sorry about the wait guys. This past couple of weeks has been a shit show, lot of shoots writing assignments, i was threatened at work, you know. Normal shit. but I'm trying my best to catch up!

Sorry that the ending is a little rushed

There's a friendly Gargoyle on top of your apartment building. He's pretty handsome for a statue, and you've taken a liking to him. You sit against him sometimes while reading or doing some work. You're enjoying the ambiance of the rooftop during the full-moon in October, and lean over and kiss him on the shoulder. It's silly, you know, but you wanted to thank him for being such a good friend. All of a sudden, he starts to move. You're completely embarrassed, but he thinks it's funny. Turns out, he thinks you're pretty cute too!

  This week was a shit show. 

   Really. You’ve been overworked due to that one flakey co-worker who always seems to call out and leave you with the majority of the work, on top of your nine-day work week this week. Nine days. Jesus christ, it was such a nightmare. To make it worse, you were really hoping to do something with your friends this week. Most of them had said they were tired, or busy with one thing or another, and you were fine with that. 

   At least you were, at first. You’re lounging on the couch, mindlessly scrolling through social media and trying to take your mind off of things. Things dont work out sometimes, you knew that. But it felt so isolating. You sigh, opening snapchat. You see a new story from one of the friends you had spoken with, and opened it.

   You heart sunk a little. She was out partying with the friend group. Your friendgroup. Everyone was there, exempt for Sonya, who was deployed at the moment. You scowl. Well, at least you had one friend you could trust. You leave your phone on the couch, and grab your bag and a book.

   You just wanted to get away, and you knew just where to go.

   It was really chilly out tonight, the moon was full, the sky surprisingly full of stars, despite the light pollution usually blocking them out. You sigh, droping your bag haphazardly on the roof before making your way over to your favorite spot. 

   An old gargoyle sits on the roof of your building. He looks out of place compared to the rest of the architecture of the buildings around you, as the rest of the city urbanised much quicker than your basically historic apartment building. He’s solid stone, the size of a regular man. He’s crouched on the ledge, a serious face with intricate carvings across his face and arms. His hands and feet aren’t quite human-like, looking almost like paws with weathered claws to match. Two huge wings are splayed out behind him in an intimidating display, supposedly to ward of demons and evil spirits. The owner of the builing, the grandson of the man who had built the building and commissioned the gargoyle, had a tendency to go on and on about the stone guardian, but you had a much more simple attachment to him.

   You sit down on the ledge of the roof, feet dangling over the side as you scoot closer underneath the wings of the gargoyle.

   “Oh man, do I have some tea to tell you.” You sigh. Your long-winded rant of the day begins, slowly turning into more and more delirious thoughts. Maybe the group didn't invite you because partying can tire you out. Maybe it was because they wanted to bar hop in dive bars and you hated dive bars. Thoughts like this started to spiral. Then you started to land on lack-of-boyfriend thought, and how every relationship, long or short term, has failed spectacularly.

   "You know, I'm pretty sure you're the most consistent man I've ever had in my life." You sigh with a smile. "-Assuming you are, indeed a man, that is." The dlerious giggles bubble out of you, and you wipe your eyes as they start to die down. 

   "God, what am I doing with my life." You lean a little more heavily onto the side of the Gargoyle, closing your eyes to take in the feeling of cool stone and cool air on your skin. Feeling a little goofy, maybe a little sentimental, you turn your head and press a kiss to the stone cheek of the Gargoyle. 

   You sit there in silence for a moment, frowning as you think about your shitty week and your shitty "friends", when a shift from the stone makes your heart drop into your stomach. You slip for a second before jerking your weight backwards in panic, and off of the ledge back onto the flat roof. Fuck fuck fuck. Did you just fucking break the most-likely hundred year old stone sculpture? Your eyes are clenched shut, waiting for the dreaded sound of stone hitting the concrete stories below you. But after a couple moments of nothing happening, you nervously crack an eye open.

   The Gargoyle is fine. In fact, it's in perfect condition. The only thing is- it had moved. It had turned around in a complete 180, facing you on the roof. It looks exactly as it did before, just, rotated. 

   "That's… strange." You breathe. Man, you must be drunk, or drugged or something because you could have sworn-

   "What's strange?" The Gargoyle asks. His stone wings twitch as he smiles at you, face full of confusion.

   You shriek.

   He holds his clawed hands out in front of himself, shushing you as you crawl backwards away from him. 

   "It's okay- it's okay! It's just me!" This has to be some sort of nightmare. The Gargoyle stands, stone grinding on stone as he walks toward you. Your back hits your bag from where you had sloppily left it from before. You grab it and chuck it at him, standing and turning to run to the stairwell. He catches it easily, frowning. You're almost at the stairwell, but you hear the flap of huge wings and then the Gargoyle lands in front of you, bag in hand. Cutting you off from your escape route. 

   "Jesus fucking christ!" You wheeze. Flinching. You hadn't expected a literal HUNK OF STONE to be so fast, but then again, you didn't expect him to move either. 

   "Are you okay?" He asks, holding your bag out to you. You just stare at him for a moment, and then after her nudges it out to you again, you slowly reach out and take it. 

   "Oh man," You say. "This is so freaky." The Gargoyle gives you a cautious smile, shifting as he stands. His wings settle lower behind him. 

   "Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you." He says. You press your lips into a line. You didn't really know what to say. In all honesty, you're kind of still in shock.

   "So… you- uh, you can move?" You muse in an uncertain tone. It comes out more like a statement than a question. The Gargoyle nods. 

   "The entire time?" You ask. He nods again, wings twitching idly.

   "And you've heard everything too…?" He shifts at that question, tilting his head at you in a confused display.

   "Of course I have." He says. "Was I not supposed to?" You blush a little, think back to all the nights you've come up here tipsy, spilling some amount of embarrassing secrets to the Gargoyle. You sigh, pressing your palms into the outline of your eye sockets.

   "I- well, I guess I can't say that. I was talking to you after all." You pout. When you pull away your hands, he's looking at you with the most adorable concerned face. You're a little taken back, you didn't expect something so… scary? To act like a puppy dog. You smile a little, but you still had more questions to ask.

   "Why haven't you moved until now?" You ask. He shrugs, leaning back on the heels of his feet.

   "I couldn’t. Gargoyles are made to remain still for as long as our master demands protection, or at least until a threat appears." He says. "I'm not entirely sure what change has caused my freedom at the moment." You nodd, a little lost at the explanation. It seems that there's a lot that just goes over your head with this whole moving gargoyle business. You don't really know what to say. The Gargoyle steps towards you all of a sudden, reaching out to take one of your hands into his own rather gingerly.

   "I'm not really supposed to be moving now, to be honest. But I couldn't stand to sit there a moment longer. I've enjoyed your company, and I wanted to introduce myself properly."

You can't help but giggle at his eager words, still a little embarrassed that you were taking to a real person the entire time. He introduced himself as Syzoth, and you find yourself strangely endeared by him. The space between you had closed a little, and before you knew it. He's leaning in close to your face. 

    "Wait- hold on a moment..!" You say, blushing and leaning away. He sets his hands on your arms as they rest against his chest, and cocks his head at you?

   "Am I not supposed to kiss you? You kissed me just earlier. Was I not supposed to return the favor…?" He says, confused. "This is what humans do to show affection is it not?"

   "I- well, I'm not saying you can't kiss me. I just-" He cuts you off, leaning forward and gently pressing his lips to your own. You're startled at first, but fuck it. He seemed so sweet, and he's gentle with you, and to be honest you really, really wanted to kiss him back. So you did. You lean into the kiss, deepening it, and you can feel him smile against you. His lips are surprisingly smooth, and he lets you deepen and control the kiss instead of himself. You have a feeling it's because he doesn't want to pinch you.

   When he pulls away, he has the sweetest, goofiest smile on his face.

   "I would very much like to do that more often." He says. You can't help but giggle at him. He looks a little confused, so you lean in and kiss him again sweetly. If stone could blush, he'd probably be red from head to shoulders. You decide that you might want to do that more often, too.

[perfusio]

A furious ranting about how Kaido sucks and Yamato should have been the final boss of Wano

To be clear, i don't like Kaido. He's not interressing, the guys (kanjuro) that worked under him were more interressing than him. For me, he always was some kind of of Temu evil version of Shanks.

What does have as a villain. He enslaved and poisoned the land, beat his son, aaaaaand..... killed Oden ? ( i dont really care about that im sorry) thats just one more Crocodile look alike. I know Oda loves that them, slavery, moral degeneration, cruelty, corruption, keeping hope despite evrything etc, etc, but Kaido is the guy that for me the least embody any of the usual theme that Oda has.

I dont think there's enough beef with Luffy. Personnal beef i mean. The kids are cute but they do not have the same presence or charisma of Vivi or Chopper. Monosuke & co were never tragic chracter for me because we sat on their sad backstories for too long and they were insufferable.

Kine'mon made me sad but for me it didnt translate for a fear or a n hatred for Kaido. It made me hate Kanjuro because he was a monstruous liar and it hurt that Kine'mon was hurt but never really against Kaido.

And my big big BIG problem with that, is that Kaido is the reason we have Nikka. Im not going to talk too much about my deal with Nikka now, but its so big of a power up that i feel its wasted on Kaido.

Kaido is just a sad drunk old man, that does not really hate Oden ( because he respected him in some way) who can't die( that aspect is barely explored ).

So my proposition is Yamato instead of Kaido as the big Bad.

Yamato has everything to make a good turn around and become insane and evil. He has a sad backstory involving his dad beating him up, being inspired by Oden old friends, being very inspired by Ace and his desire for freedom and happiness, having to wear explosive cuffs, a long promise that Ace did break with the key moment of the paper burning, and tada, you have a villain.

A guy that goes around after killing his dad ( or emprisonn him idc), terrorising everyone, killing rando or emprisonning them, acting like king of the island, and finaly being confronted by Luffy and they can punch their feelings out in their fight.

( I think all of this stem from my frustation that none of the fights felt personnal in any way except maybe with Izou )

So conclusion for my rambling, yamato should have been the bad guy in wano

[harmcityherald]

The Navy yard was always a weird pleasure to visit and an unbearable chore all at once. we would have incredible waiting in line and check in times and even after you did get in the tiny cobblestone roads and cramped buildings would only afford the truck limited ways in and out. If you're taking a truck on the yard you're doing some driving that day. that's true of most all the fed locations, some are worse than others. seeing the old battleships at harbor there can have its own charm. many a lunch was spent sitting at the dock with the seagulls. the work there for me was invariably chair work. The Navy yard is predominantly populated by areon chairs. my bread and butter. I repaired thousands in my time and hundreds of those were at the yard. The lady who was my contact was very nice. Her mild demeanor always made the job easier. Her cubicle was in a great converted hanger like building with huge, vintage inactive cranes still hung in the ceiling. her cube sat directly over a circular balcony that overhung the lunch room cafeteria below. it was there they would line up all the broken soldiers for me to fix. monthly visits become yearly visits. a place starts to feel familiar. homey. a place you are comfortable moving about. I must have felt that way about it because the day of the Navy yard shooting I was jarred and shocked by the images on tv of that very balcony and lunchroom. it set off a series of phone calls through my managers to urge them to call our navy yard contact, just as a wellness check thing. I had literally seen her cube on the many news videos. furniture people are funny. some, like many of my managers, are shy. afraid to express anything that might be frowned upon by the DC elite, others, like me and my scheduler, we wear our hearts on our sleeves. so we called her. sure enough, she was one of the shooting victims. very luckily, she survived. we were relieved and she was thankful for our call. After that, security at the yard got a lot tighter. over time I began working for a different outfit. That was the last I saw of the navy yard.

my time working the DC corridor made me feel like the forest gump of furniture.

I met or did work for john astin, cal ripkin jr, Ted koppel, did work for every news service, govt office, was driving a white van around DC during the dc sniper weeks, my co-workers suspected it was me!! lol I've always given people plenty of reason with my eccentric behaviors. being the devil's nephew doesn't help. I dont blame them. I've driven my truck right up to air force one at Edwards. I bumped into monica lewinsky in a freight elevator at the national press building. and I did work directly where that shooting occurred.

DC people are different. I became one. every day you know if Iran or whoever is the enemy desure shits the poodle and sends nukes DC is ground zero. at any check point, and there are many, you might become involved with any number of calamities. the lobby at the holocaust museum, another location of a shooting I was very frequently at. at any time it could all go south. DC is a freak magnet. and youre right in the middle of it all. we had a crew in the Pentagon the day the plane hit it. right where our guys were working. the timing a little after 9 he had miraculously called a smoke break. clearing the area. I missed flying to Michigan because it was the day after 9\11. I wasn't well liked at nsa. they all think they are like James bond, they all wear sunglasses inside buildings with no windows. so I started wearing mirror shades on all my runs there. refuse to take them off. you first. lol. what grand fun it all was. getting arrested in front of the capital after running 5 check points .....I didn't see em lol. I saw the guy with the m16 though. before 9\11 there wasn't a building I couldn't get into. I almost backed over rex tillerson at the state department his dumb ass walked behind my truck on a steep hill at the guard shack. even I didn't trust my clutch like that. I found a rusty moon buggy that actually went to the moon rusting in a lot behind a NASA warehouse. I tried to buy it from them!! lol. he said the one in the space museum is a replica this is the one that went. rusting. in the open air. I literally said to Mr NASA what the fuck is wrong with you people? he wouldn't sell it. a chunk of the Berlin wall hidden in warehouse. stand in the middle of 1st street screaming "shoot the fucking furniture guy you dimwit jarhead go ahead I dare you" because the guard put his hand on his gun to intimidate me. ha.

anyway. I think DC people have a pretty tough skin to wear in this respect. I miss my job sometimes. then I wake up lol.

[jumpedthenfell-13]

Intro Post!

Guys I have been on this app for a year and I DONT HAVE AN INTRO POST. HOW

Hihi!!! I’m Lavender/Lav and welcome to my account! My pronouns are she/her, and I mostly post about whatever show I’m currently interested in — right now, that’s Stranger Things! I also post a lot about my fics.

If you’re interested, here’s a list of all my currently uploaded fanfics!

Stranger Things

☆ - favourites!

“lay here with me, so i can gaze into your tender eyes” - https://archiveofourown.org/works/57483043

-> Nancy gets a text from a sick Robin and decides that she needs to spend the night at her friend’s house.

Robin Buckley/Nancy Wheeler

“you wanted me, but couldn’t reach me” - https://archiveofourown.org/works/57496663

-> Robin gets cursed by Vecna. He shows her something that is, undeniably, one of her greatest fears. Not that it’s something she’s ever admitted, though.

Robin Buckley & Steve Harrington

“think i really want this (i’m not even kidding)” - https://archiveofourown.org/works/57674347

-> The world is ending. Every mission is one where they might lose someone else. Nancy decides to do something about her crush on Robin, who doesn’t know what to do afterwards.

Robin Buckley/Nancy Wheeler

☆ | “does she hold a candle to me? (i kissed my co-star in rehearsal, anyway)” - https://archiveofourown.org/works/57955921

-> Actresses Robin Buckley and Nancy Wheeler are flooded with rumours of secretly dating; but they’re just friends, right?

Robin Buckley/Nancy Wheeler, Robin Buckley & Steve Harrington

☆ | “you’re my best friend (now i’ve no one to tell how i lost my best friend)” - https://archiveofourown.org/works/58596853

-> Everyone knew there would be casualties with the rift open. Steve wasn’t prepared for what, or who, those casualties may be.

Robin Buckley & Steve Harrington, minor Robin Buckley/Nancy Wheeler - MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH

Steven Universe

The ones that I am much less proud of - and they have worse descriptions, so I had to resort to excerpts for some!

“still an innocent” - https://archiveofourown.org/works/49194673/chapters/124129153

-> In which, instead of seeing reason and agreeing to help, Yellow Diamond is stubborn and accidentally ruins everything.

Steven Universe & Everyone, Canon Divergence, ON HIATUS!

“you’re my baby, say it to me” - https://archiveofourown.org/works/47835673

-> Pearl won’t get off the couch. Garnet gives her a reason to.

Pearl & Steven Universe, OLD!

“always an angel, never a god (always an angel, never a god)” - https://archiveofourown.org/works/52366531

-> Pearl and Rose were never meant to be.

Pearl/Rose Quartz

“you’re coming back (and it’s the end of the world)” - https://archiveofourown.org/works/53120209

-> Garnet’s perspective of S04E10

Garnet & Steven Universe

“started with a kiss, “oh, we just stop meeting like this”” - https://archiveofourown.org/works/56234461

-> It’s been four years since she was supposed to be your enemy.

Jasper/Pearl, SECOND PERSON POV

“what if your eyes looked up and met mine one more time?” - https://archiveofourown.org/works/56238979

-> You know Rose will always be her love. And yet, you still yearn.

Garnet/Pearl, SECOND PERSON POV

“and you just watched it happen” - https://archiveofourown.org/works/56349043

-> “Pearl, please,” she begs, and if you had a heard, you would have felt it break. “Please, stop, it’s okay. We can do this, just don’t be him.”

Pearl/Rose Quartz, Rose Quartz/Greg Universe, SECOND PERSON POV

The Owl House

I literally only have one!

“how you held me in your arms that september night (the first time you ever saw me cry” - https://archiveofourown.org/works/48637741

-> Set during the timeskip in Thanks to Them, Luz fails to keep her emotions bottled up when her girlfriend offers her comfort.

Amity Blight/Luz Noceda

CURRENT WIP

“some kind of haunted” / skoh

Flayed!Robin au fic!

Multichap, unfinished (obviously), multiple POVs, 15 chapters in total, fully planned out

Ch1 - FINISHED!

Ch2 - FINISHED!

Ch3 - FINISHED!

Ch4 - FINISHED!

Ch5 - FINISHED!

Ch6 - FINISHED!

Ch7 - FINISHED!

Ch8 - FINISHED!

Ch9 - FINISHED!

Ch10 - WIP

Ch11 - Unfinished

Ch12 - Unfinished

Ch13 - Unfinished

Ch14 - Unfinished

Ch15 - Unfinished

And that’s all! I’ll update this every time I post a fic or finish a chapter of skoh :)

[axgmented]

a little bit of an explanation as to whats happened in my life, to keep yall up to date if you wish.

idk really how to start this off, so if it seems a little jumbled & out there I'm sorry!

it's been three years since i left my ex "husband". So by legal standards, no we weren't married. I had a place holder ring. Stayed with him for 9 years. He was emotionally abusive, narcissistic, and isolated me from my friends. Honestly, I can't even put plural for that-- I was "allowed" one friend, and that was the girl who is practically my sister from HIGH SCHOOL. And even then? it was a big to-do if I wanted to spend time with her. I never got to see my mother, who I have a strained relationship with already.

In those three years, I have bought a house (i dont recommend doing what I did. Just.. explore your options.) My situation was that my mother didn't want me living with her anymore and thats fine-- she is entitled to her own space and what not. I'm grown, 30 years old this year, and she has raised me so I get it. I bought this house hastily and to its credit it's a great little starter house for two people. Only issue is, it's small but like I said I just wish I had waited a little bit and shopped around, but I felt the quicker I could get out the faster I could get my cats back! And did.

I've also gotten a new car, a better position at my job (but fuck that place tbqh. grateful for the paycheck but man... 6pm-6am is ROUGH when you are chronically ill.) and....maybe....just maybe... a new partner. I've went from 21lbs to 150 (and that was honestly all in the first year-- I've maintained that weight just about constantly for 2 years running now).

But with new changes, there isn't always a silver lining.

My depression got bad, my anxiety worse, I've developed new health issues such as POTS (thats really fun to have in a warehouse work setting in the middle of summer), seizures (these are non-epileptic), and as of today, chronic hives (and I thought eczema was hard to deal with) on top of my insomnia just absolutely taking the piss out of me. Then one of my moms got into an accident on 4th of july weekend, my co-worker just had to be taken off of a vent because he was denied a lung transplant (guy was only in his 60s if best) & I've fallen out of friendship with what used to be a good coworker (who is now my boss...it's going exactly how you'd imagine lol). Something happened with my partners family, but that's for them to share if they wish.

So all in all 2024 has been absolutely KICKING my ass but I'm still here. I'm sorry for having to disappear for so long, but I do not have the spoons to be here constantly. I am trying to get back into the swing of things, since they're adjusting my medicines and trying to get me on the correct dosages and what not (i've had Serotonin Syndrome & thats' drastically cut what medicines I can have with my mental health, in half.

In short, thank you for sticking with me this long & I hope to come back in full swing eventually, but I'm just slowly trying to chip away at everything and your patience means a great deal! Small little note, my handle used to be Loh on here-- ive changed it to Runnii! (or Rune) and I hope you guys like it!

[the-lesbian-painter]

hi . im too scared or shy to ask any other lesbian friends i have and i dont know where to go with this so apologies if youre uncomfy w me debating ab sexuality — ignore this ask if ever .

i used to identify as a lesbian for how many years, and i was so happy and proud to be part of that community and label cos i felt so happy w it. then i went into college and debated for awhile, went to being unlabeled before coming to the consensus that i was bisexual. me and this guy had a thing but i just felt so. not into it. i enjoyed the hugs we had but honestly i couldnt go any further than that because in my mind id always imagine it being with girls. recently i told him straight up i didnt wanna pursue anything romantic, so were back to being just friends. but it was deffo more than that, i also kinda broke it off cos i was debating again if i strictly only liked women. now im sitting here thinking again because i like some guys but not enough to do anything more than hugs and the normal courting stuff cos it just looks so fun (as a hopeless romantic) and now i dont know what to label myself as. i feel like if i go back to being a lesbian my old guy friend will feel offended, my friends might think im crazy or im just so indecisive or even think im faking being a lesbian. i dont know what to do and i really just need some advice. sorry if this was confusing :"")

Never be afraid to vent to me! I’ve also questioned my sexuality many times over the years. When I was younger, I was attracted to boys. Then I was attracted to a girl and was like “Oh my gosh…I’m bisexual.” For the longest time I thought I was bisexual with a preference towards girls, but then I realized that I hadn’t been in love with a boy for years. And I was like “Oh. I’m lesbian. Okay.” I’ve had a crush on the same girl for years now, so I’m confident in my sexuality. But I didn’t use to be.

It’s okay to be questioning, it’s okay to change what you identify as a million times. If your old guy friend is offended by what you are, he doesn’t deserve to be your friend. Don’t be afraid to identify yourself as lesbian, and if you aren’t 100% sure, it’s completely fine to be questioning. I promise you, if you go back to being lesbian, none of your friends are going to think you’re faking. If they’re real, good friends, they should completely understand.

By the way, hugging people does not have to be romantic. I’m a lesbian and hug my guy friends all the time. I also know some people who flirt/court not really in a romantic way, but more in a that’s just their personality way. So really, don’t be afraid to do these things if you think you’re lesbian!

Take whatever time you need to think about your sexuality, and remember, it isn’t set in stone. People change, and so do their sexualities. And if you need any more advice, don’t be afraid to ask me. I feel like I’m the “advice” friend of my friend group, so I’m pretty used to it, haha. Thanks for the ask!

[pwblogarchive]

November 2005

November 1, 2005

halloween in orange county was amazing. we had some tricks up our sleeve, so did you. thank you for making it into a fun night for us. if you’re serious too much it means you believe your own hype. if you joke too much it means you don’t take anything seriously. if you’re too quiet it means that you are arrogant. if you talk too much it means you crave attention. if you aren’t smiling it means you’re not happy.

sarcasm doesn’t read well over the internet. but trust me, if you don’t get it. then we’re/they’re probably making fun of you.

new things are coming to light. i am happy. if you are coming to the sacremento show you may have heard that motion city has had to cancel. but we have found a band to take their place for that show. come early because they play first- one of our favorite new bands.

dont give up on us just yet. its about to get good. i swear.

young hearts be free tonight.

November 11, 2005

"A beautiful girl can make you feel dizzy, like you've been drinking jack and coke all morning...." Nothing has felt truer. My mind is swirling. Even with the tour coming to an end. The black around your eyes running and not in a crying way more like sunset hitting a school blacktop. I can't wait to go home at the same time I can't wait to come back to every city. I love seeing old friends, still up front. Trying to remember every night is like trying to catch my breath. And the years took their toll but we're still right there. We're bullets in the chamber waiting for the powder and the hammer to kiss. I love the way fall feels in my nose. Oranges and yellows burning leaves and us always trying to make our way upstream. The world has a funny way of playing tricks on us. One day I've got it all figured out and the next it's a mess. Last year we were in the same town but it's all different now, but still the same. we're the local boys from everywhere. It's all about "the catch" versus "the one that got away". We're all trying to write them back into our lives and the hearts that we decorate and send cards out about on the holidays. We're just writing nets and barbs. Something to hold you until we've circled around to make sure no one is watching. It's been awhile but I think your baby boy has still got it. These words are poor substitute for my moods and emotions. I spend nights awake on single words, agonizing cos I don't want to let you down. And I feel like I have anyway. That's why I go away at times. Be alone together. Let's be stolen not borrowed. Forgiven not forgotten. Baby, the best ones are crazy. So cut it loose.

Listen to purevolume.com/thehushsound - the hush sound - so sudden...

11/11/05 Q&A

question

just to but in, patrick seems shy off stage like in an interview or if us fans talk to him and hes not shy on stage or if hes w the band

answer

patrick is shy or maybe quiet in general- notice how he doesnt talk on stage alot? thats not cos he thinks i am really cool. its because he is just a softspoken guy. its both on stage and off. not to butt in but hes my best buddy and i hoep you love him the way he is.

question

i try to come up with all these cool questions for you to answer but you dont answer any. peter, i think that you should have 2 Q&A boards so that patrick can answer some questions and you could answer some questions. because i dont think you like me. i like you.

answer

patrick doesnt like the internet. but he likes me.

question

What is ruckus juice?

answer

its what i gave old boy at the party so he’d get nekid.

question

Hey, You just edited that last question. They asked about if it freaked you out..blah blah blah, and then you put something like if anyone takes picture of me. And now its if anyone takes notice of anyhintg i do.and the time changed. So are you on here right now answering question looking at the message boards? *Destiny*

answer

i didnt edit anything. i was on the bus without internet service. if it was editted it was not by me.

11/12/05

question

pete, please take the time to read this. im not one for drama or causing it, im not into bashing bands or anything of that sort. i want you to read this and take everything i say into consideration. a few nights ago i went to your show in salt lake. it was a great night, i had my friends with me and i got the chance to see you guys perform. it was truly an exciting experience. i know that when bands are on the road, the only place that feels like home for them is their bus. so after performing it would be natural to get in the bus and rest, or sleep, or simply just chill out. when it all comes down to it, i know you guys are just as human as anyone else. you have just been put in a different situation where people find it exciting to meet with you. i personally would have just liked to meet you because as a songwriter, i think you have a way with words thats different from a lot of other songwriters. that means something to me.

my friend and i and a couple of other people waited for you guys outside where all the buses and trailers were. the four of us, and only us waited for more than two hours. we were there so long that security had left and the buses and trailers were getting ready to leave. andy was in a small building next to the venue eating and talking with your manager and roadies, etc. eventually, a girl that was with us poked her head in the room and got up the nerve to ask andy if he would come outside really quickly and just sign some things for the four of us, keep in mind it was just four kids, no one else was in sight except for roadies packing equipment. he came out and was really nice, shook our hands, signed a few papers and that was it, less than 30 seconds of his time. he told us it was fine and that he did not mind coming outside for a few seconds. throughout these few hours that we were waiting in the freezing cold to see you guys we asked roadies, some merch people, anyone basically, if they knew where you guys, patrick, joe, and pete were, and every single one of them either avoided us or just told us to leave and that you guys were not going to show up. some also said that buses feel like home and sometimes after a show you just want to go, in a sense, home. i understand that, but it wasnt like there were more than a hundred people waiting, or even fifty, just four. i also understand that as regular human beings, you guys have days when you feel down and days when things are going just right. pete, i love your words, and i enjoy the music that fall out boy makes. i still feel that way, but i have lost respect for you as people. it would have taken less than two minutes to meet with us and sign some things. we would have even been fine with you guys waving from your bus. my point is that you, patrick, and joe did nothing. ask andy if he was bothered by us, that it took more than a minute of his time, that he actually minded to meet with us, he will say no. please dont reply to me and tell me none of this was of your knowledge, we were there for a very long time, im confident someone would have said something to you or patrick or joe. when it all comes down to it, you guys are just four friends from chicago that got lucky and are now experiencing success you never dreamed of, success you yourself has said you never expected. you are where you are now because of your fans. you have a bus to sleep in with luxury items you know you dont really need because of your fans. you have a major label deal because of the support from your fans. you have money in your bank account because of every single kid that saw you play and took an interest in you. it is less likely that you will ever have to work a nine to five office job because of your fans. you have a music career solely because of your fans. your fans mean the world to you, but last night taught me a lesson and should open your eyes as well. you would be nothing if it were not for your fans, yes, even four kids from salt lake city and from around the world in general. i have learned not to trust someone even in your guys position. remember what i have said, let it resound in your head when there are fans outside some venue and you just wanna be left alone and go straight to your bus, your fans have paved the way for fall out boys success. i enjoy your music, but last night you lost my respect. it would be incredibly easy to just write me off, to write this message off, but you and i both know these words will be and are true whether you acknowledge them or not. thank you for your time. and no, i didnt mind taking time out of my day to write this. sincerely, marcos alvin words are to hide from, words are to hide behind

answer

i am sorry you missed the chance to see us. but i had the chance to meet many fans before the salt lake show in line. honestly i left nearly immediatly after the show to take my friends wife to the airport. i am sorry for the situation but hopefully next time we will have a better experience. i cant speak for joe or patrick but it is possible that they had valid reasons for not meeting people. also, at many of these venues we aren;t sure where people will be waiting. or security doesnt let us go outside of our buses do to curfew. over the period of three days when we were in salt lake i met over 50 kids probably and definitely appreciated meeting each one. anyway, accept my apology and hopefully you won’t let one interaction change your perception of our band, like it was said, we are only human as well- even if we are on a stage. take care.

11/13/05

question

hey! i was just wondering, how good are you friends with mikey way??

answer

me and mikey are not in just one gang together, we are in two: the sweet little dudes and the fraternal order of the handsome boy. i call him the duke of handsomeness.

question

Pete, If you were on a deserted island and had to choose between an Ipod full of your favorite songs or Patrick, what would you pick?

answer

trick question. patrick is an ipod full of my favorite songs.

question

Pete, Why dont you sing? Im not saying Patrick cant sing, cause hes like the best. But I know you write a lot of the music but you dont really sing.. you just scream… which is cool too…and fun

answer

cos patrick is a better singer than me, and pretty much everyone on the planet. i am content to sit here and get a tan and bask in the heat of his awesomeness.

question

My friends say i am conceeded cause i wear this shirt that is bright yellow with blue lettering. it says quarter on the front… the on the back it says “no woman can top me, yet all the dimes try, its gotta be a crime, to be this damn fly. I am i conceeded for wearing this shirt? XO ANGEL

answer

i think that shirt is insane. i dont really understand it. its awesome that you wear a shirt that says “damn fly” on it. it reminds me of the fresh prince when he was just a rapper not some shitty kids movie actor.

question

I am so flipping mad at you. Those Marauder hoodies were, frankly, my favorite piece of clothing on the Clan line. And now its gone. At least you could have said it was limited. That way I could have bought it earlier. The new hoodies are ugly. Sorry, but they are. Maybe next time, you can give us some warning.

answer

i am sorry you missed out the chance to get the hoody. it was listed as limited on many areas where it was advertised. hopefully we’ll make some more “non- ugly” hoodies in the future.

question

are those secret shows for OCK people? or is that confidential?

answer

he secret shows are for whoever can figure them out.

question

you know how people always send you really long things about how they have lost respect in you, and they think that you have become just more famous people.dont worry there are still the fans out there that love you with a passion and have some understanding.

answer

we always appreciate hearing that. though all opinions are welcome and heard.

question

hey petah… why do you where a hoodie onstage when your just going to take it off anyway??? i was pondering that while i was making cupcakes.

answer

why are you making cupcakes when you’re just gonna poop them out?

question

since forever ago, my friends & i have been thinking of having guy cosmetics… guyliner & the like. i noticed you said something about guyliner in an earlier answer… would you sponsor?

answer

i think i am just gonna make some guyliner.

question

what is release the bats about? i never heard of the movie

answer

its a movie me and my friends made. you can get it at the fueledbyramen webstore. www.fueledbyramen.com  

November 16, 2005 

winter is here again. it gets dark before i even wrap my head around the day. went home and saw my mom, the hushsound, and kanye west. my mom was definitely the coolest. but hush sound is amazing and butch walker is really nice (not in the "im nice cause you're in fall out boy" just a genuinely nice guy, which is refreshing). tour is winding down. its kind of a bumout. but another one will start soon. ive been hearing about you sneaking around my house trying to see who's going in and out- don't waste your time thinking about what i'm doing cause im not wasting my time thinking about you. you'll remember where you were at the exact moment that i stopped thinking of you forever.

don't believe the hype. girls with brains are sexy.

11/16/05

question

Pete, if the secret shows get announced on trl theyre not really secret anymore are they?why?why did you tell them?

answer

they didnt announce when or where they’d be.

question

I was at the cleveland nintendo fusion and i was wondering who the fat guy who came out screaming “mother f***ing FOB” was.

answer

thats dirty. you can meet on the release the bats dvd- you can get that over at www.fueledbyramen.com he says “im not fat, my mom says im big boned”

question

what is a sell out to you? b/c some of my friends say that you guys sold out. i dont believe it but they just tell me to shut up. its getting annoying. i just wanted your input on it

answer

when you compromise your ideals for monetary gains, when you do something you would not otherwise do simply because it is lucrative. we do not do that. you never get a chance to hear about the things and ideas that we turn down.

question

Patrick is jus the loveable kinda guy, isnt he?

answer

yes

question

If you personally wrote a book about the band, what did it be called?

answer

fall out boy: how no one ever understood this band except the four people in it

question

I know that pete likes to get yellow flowers… but what do the other members of FOB like to get?

answer

patrick: vinyl, records - motown stuff joe: star wars stuff andy: comic books, vegan treats

question

my mom thinks your an attractive male…and the most attractive in fall out boy. What do you have to say for yourself?

answer

im never happy with the person in the mirror.

question

how come patrick looks so gay in some pics on mtv.com? but he normally looks Hot???

answer

news flash gay is not a synonym for ugly. i know this may come as a shock.

November 17, 2005 

Swoon.

The only band that ever really mattered to me is back together.

I heart lifetime.

And the new harry potter movie is coming out.

November 18, 2005 

fall out boy friend appreciation day:

andy: ive known andy the longest of anyone in fall out boy. i can set my clock by this kid. he comes off as the quietest member but when he's around people he knows he is the loudest- many nights i have been woken up by him screaming in the front lounge. he is one of the few kids i know who is still vegan sxe- he lives and dies by his beliefs. he also looks like animal when he plays drums. id trust any secret ive ever had with him forever. ladies watch out when hes around. hehe.

joe: joe is actually the kid who started fob. it was his brilliant idea to get all of us maniacs together and he introduced me and patrick. he tends to be the glue that holds it all together. he is also pretty much the most interesting part of a fall out boy live show. i, with everyone in the crowd often find myself watching this kid spin around and kick holes in walls. ive also been in way too many sketchy situations with this kid, where we can only look at eachother and laugh. including the time we got in a huge fight at a party at his apartment which resulted in some asshole getting a bottle broken over his head. i plead the fifth on anymore knowledge. but i know i could come to joe with any problem ive ever had.

patrick: probably my best friend in the whole world. we can finish eachothers sentences. its strange cause ive never had a relationship like the one we have with a friend, ever. people try to make a big deal of him and my interactions and relationship. but honestly at the end of the day when the spotlights and flashes go away this kid is still gonna be here, and we'll still be friends. i could give a fuck what you say, this is one of the only people in the world that i would take a bullet for. and he has more talent in his little finger than i have in my entire body.

that is all.

new harry potter movie is amazing.

back to the depressing "magic-less" world.

November 18, 2005 

The real me is the giant squid. It’s the planet just past Pluto. Its time travel. Its all these theoretical ideas that cant be proven. How I feel is “what killed the dinosaurs” and “how the pyramids were built”. Just guesses that maybe hit their marks and maybe are miles off. Im a Saturday soul on a Monday night. Everything I know about girls I learned from watching my sister talk on the phone, fuck Im sorry, blame her if I got it all wrong. Everything I know about sex I learned from watching dirty movies, fuck im sorry, blame traci lords cause I know I got it all wrong. The saddest songs sing themselves.makeup caked on my face, not for the show but because im tired of being me. It aint a pretty face, its just the hull of the ship. And were burning up in the atmosphere. We crashed hard at the learning curve. The poets come to life in hotel rooms and bathroom stalls.

Look in the mirror and repeat: “hes losing his touch”- "why is this so cryptic" “we don’t want to be the next fall out boy”- and pretend your alive, handsome. its all the difference between: feeling exposed and feeling overexposed. read between the lines- Treat yourself like a video cassette rewind endlessly to catch only the best parts, skip over the rest and eject. You aint anything new, youre just the latest in a long line of people who have been you and will be you. and you aren’t even the best at it. but you might have the biggest mouth. massage this ego, cause its feeling kind of sore. But youre a sprinter and this one is a long distance race. They say you cant run the whole way but fuck what they say. Fuck you for giving up. Take this to press. You’ve only got four stories to tell and theyre getting old. Dig up some new dirt. Ill air some more dirty laundry. Cause that’s all this is. a laundry room without any washing machines (nobodys coming clean). Just because we’re not responding doesn’t mean what you say is true- or that it doesn’t hurt. The fair-weather friends are keeping score in journals and in whispered voices. That’s okay. Im never gonna pretend to be more than I am- just a kid trying to figure myself out, and how dare I? The glue isn’t even dry on my pity party invitations and im already bored with feeling sorry for myself. Pause. Keep clawing my way out of this, mr. Mess I have become. Its okay in the end for everybody no matter how this turns out. the simplest words seem to be the truest. Humming them out of key and in a voice so hoarse it hurts. Single light in the bunk glowing late night messages. My mom said Ive got to start smiling in mirrors or else im gonna always feel weird about the person looking back. Put the buzzing phone to my headached head. ���I’ll be home soon”…you know its a lie but it makes us both feel ok. I know this probably doesn’t make a whole lot of sense but it just feels better to get it out to you. 

Scientists in japan just photographed the first live giant squid on record. Ive never seen anything so terrifying or beautiful. Goodnight, pretty.

- petey

November 20, 2005 

1:36 pm 

sometimes its like never started sometimes it like its never gonna end

November 22, 2005 

12:59 am 

sometimes my own words dont suffice. "i hope that our few remaining friends give up on trying to save us i hope we come up witha fail-safe plot to piss off the dumb few that forgave us i hope the fences we mended fall down beneath their own weight and i hope we hang on past the last exit, i hope its already too late and i hope that the junkyard a few blocks from here someday burns down and i hope the rising black smoke carries me far away and i never come back to this town again. in my life i hope i lie and tell everyone you were a good wife and i hope you die. i hope we both die" 

November 23, 2005

I realize I have been a bit out of touch lately. I’m sorry. I’ve kinda been letting things get to me way too much. A black cloud I’ve always been counting on to be there. I’m sorry I’ve seemed kind of distant at signing and stuff. I’m sorry. I feel way better. I promise you good things in jersey. The providence show was amazing. I got an owl perched on some books tattoed on me. Just cause I’m a book nerd. He’s looks smart and dapper. I love bill haverchuck and you. You know the guy who plays the gym teacher in the dance, dance video? Well he’s our manager and we convinced him to get his old band the step kings back together to play new jersey. Its gonna be a riot.

I’m thankful that you all put up with me.

November 23, 2005

I wrote you a letter a few hours ago that I never intended to give you in the first place and then ripped it up and threw it away because it’s much too personal to say on paper. even over a phone. the words i said in it i need to say to you in person. i guess it felt better to write it all out. It's easier to say “I only need 5 seconds with you than a lifetime with someone else” than it is to live it. to be honest, i’m dying from it. “kiss me electric” vs “kiss me at all.” and when you do it’s just a kiss off. i’m really not ready for what you want from me, but with how you’re never around it makes me wonder what you really do want from me. honestly, it sure doesn’t feel like much. i said i’d be fine if you gave me a little note or a call once and a while, once a day even, just something to keep hanging onto, but you can’t even do that so yeah… i don’t know. Am I being ridiculous? it’s just hard for me to keep going like this… my heart is lots easier to fool than me. i think that’s what makes this so hard. 

November 30, 2005

you are my lobster.

- petey

[screwitanddoitanyway]

I posted 1,936 times in 2022

That's 16 more posts than 2021!

18 posts created (1%)

1,918 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@capseycartwright

@littlespoonevan

@clusterbuck

@sophielostandfound

@lostinabuddiehaze

I tagged 35 of my posts in 2022

#0 - 17 posts

#911 on fox - 17 posts

#buddie - 14 posts

#911 fox - 14 posts

#911onfox - 12 posts

#hart of dixie - 3 posts

#ravi panikkar - 2 posts

#evan buckley - 2 posts

#eddie díaz - 2 posts

#eddie diaz - 1 post

Longest Tag: 89 characters

#eddie talks about his son and how he feels the need to be so many things for other people

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

If " In Another Life" is a what if episode I will LOSE IT

I MEAN ABSOLUTELY LOSE MY GOD DAMN MIND

24 notes - Posted November 3, 2022

#4

dont believe everything you hear

Guess who's actually wrote a fanfic for the first time in years!

Based on this tumblr post I wrote a few weeks ago:

Also on AO3

Ravi is not an idiot.

He doesn’t feel the need to point that out often, he’s usually quite content in his level of intelligence. So maybe he isn’t the kind of smart that his best friend Taimur is. Tai is in medical school with dreams of being an oncologist and hopes to one day help kids like the two of them. Because that’s what you do when you’re a kid with cancer, you spend your weekends getting chemo and dreaming of being the one to cure cancer one day. But Ravi was never going to be a doctor, he knew that much. He always liked the idea of being a superhero, but a firefighter fit him well too.

So Ravi was not an idiot. He had a four year degree from UCLA and had made it through the fire academy. He was observant and had a good memory and spoke three languages for god’s sake. 

Yet somehow he had missed that his co-workers had in fact not gone through a divorce and shared custody of their son. IN FACT they had never been married or even been together in the first place.

In some ways he felt Buck and Eddie were to blame for this. Because really, they had to be. 

But in fact, it probably started with Lena Bosko.

Ravi liked being at the 118. He was getting on well with the rest of B shift and already learning a lot. And sometimes when his shift ran a little long, he would cross over with A shift in the dressing room. Everyone on A shift was smoking hot and stupidly competent at their jobs. Ravi had spent the day after one of his first shifts at the house google stalking and finding all the old news coverage of the team. 

Also B shift loved to gossip. So he learned very quickly that not only were A shift good at their jobs, there was also always drama following them around. But Hen always had a smile for him and Bobby would always save him some food. However he was glad to be on B shift, as the A shift all together just seemed overwhelming, and Ravi wasn’t sure how we would handle all of that.

He’s only been at the house a few weeks when he’s on shift and there is a call for a pretty big warehouse fire. A few different houses are called in and he manages to find the balance between helpful probie and learning how to deal with a big disaster from the more seasoned firefighters. 

They get the fire under control and he’s helping pack up hoses when a voice calls from behind him.

“Hey you’re with the 118!” A woman strides up to him, having seen the truck he’s next to. It’s both a statement and a question.

Ravi nods unsure how to reply, but it doesn’t matter as she carries on talking as she stops in front of him.

“How’s the Diaz and Buckley divorce going?” She asks, a small smirk on her face.

“The…w-what?” Ravi can’t help but stutter. He knows who she’s talking about. The guys on A shift are basically infamous and connected at the hip. And he has to admit he saw Firefighter Buckley working out in the gym area when he was getting ready to leave the house once, and almost walked into a wall. Ravi is only human.

“Last time I saw those two they were arguing in a grocery store about their kid” She rolls her eyes, a fond smile playing at her lips, “Those two are so much drama.”

“Well, I'm pretty new, but from what I can tell they seem to be working well together”. He shrugs. All he’s observed so far from Buckley and Diaz is that they go everywhere together, can communicate just by looking at each other, and are both ridiculously good looking. 

“Good luck navigating that” She reaches out and slaps him on the shoulder, “Better you dealing with them than me.” She smiles again and walks away. Ravi spots the name Bosko on the back of her turnout before he shakes himself and gets back to packing away. It’s been a long shift and he does not have time to process this new information right now.

It’s not long after that night that he gets moved up to A shift to help make up numbers. And learns that everything the B shift used to gossip about and what Bosko told him, suddenly makes so much more sense. Because A shift, and Eddie and Buck in particular, are So. Much. Drama.

—--------

“PROBIE!” 

Ravi drops all the books he’s holding. Partly from the fear of someone shouting at him. Partly from the fact that having a 6ft blonde hunk shouting at him is making him react in ways he doesn’t need the general public to see.

Since the revelation Bosko bestowed on him, he can’t help but monitor A shift closely now. Letting himself get dragged into gossip with the others on B and C shift. Trying to figure out what exactly made Buck and Eddie get divorced, since they still seem so close.

Is it all a front for their kid? Or to keep peace at work? When they leave do they turn into the spiteful divorced parents he’s seen on TV? He’s never even seen them so much as glare at each other.

But what he does see is interesting.

See the full post

30 notes - Posted May 22, 2022

#3

Something something Buck and Eddie sat together at the henren vow renewal looking out over their chosen family

And Eddie saying something like "here we are single again, and so much romance around us everyone is here with the person they're meant to be with"

And Buck responding something like "its nice to see them happy....but do you ever think maybe that maybe we are with the person we're meant to be with"

And Eddie all confused

And Buck continues "me and you and Christopher, we're a team, girlfriends come and go but we will always have each other"

OR

Eddie: "look at our family, all with the person they're meant to be with"

Buck: "and you've got me"

Eddie: "and I've got you" *smiles*

And they cheers and drink to it

And we spend the hiatus absolutely feral whilst the writers try to explain to us thats just how bros are

38 notes - Posted May 7, 2022

#2

LISTEN

I LOVE Ravi thinks Buck and Eddie are divorced head canons

They are simply one of the best things to come from this fandom

BUT WHAT IF

The reason he thinks that is because back when he was on B shift he was on a call and bumped into Lena Bosko and her crew

And Lena sees he's from the 118 and asks

"How's Buckley and Diaz's divorce going?"

And Ravi has a light bulb moment where he's like ok everything makes sense now and literally nothing that has happened as he moved to A shift has proven him wrong

144 notes - Posted February 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Enolas mum was like "honey you need other people"

So she went out and got herself a boyfriend.

Then saw how lonely her brother was and got him one too.

Good for her.

6,180 notes - Posted November 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[iloveyouw]

28 Nov 2022

wow today was weird.

it made me know what i want more. and i am ever more certain after today.

denzels and i catch up alot about old friends and what the heck were we doing, how we met and yknow typical things. what i couldnt believe was some of the things i did that he swore by it that i have zero recollection.. ok not swore by it but like he was sure and i am not at all. which felt v weird because i dont recognize that me at all.

so the normal things were like how we met, we both didnt rmb. but he say its from dan. and i do think so. but thats not impt la.

he told me of 2 things that i rly didnt rmb. 1 was that he said i kept asking sus (another friend) to help me get fentanyl. i nv rmb wanting that shit. fentanyls dangerous. i asked him like theres just no way i rmb asking for fentanyl. fentanyl is what those dealers lace drugs with cos if im not wrong its cheaper than like pure meth. so they will lace fentanyl in with meth/heroin etc so its like unpure shit. but too much of it will die one. so i rly dont rmb. if i did then i dont know what the fuck i was thinking. i asked him "omg theres no way, are u sure its not like benzos or like some pill?" he said he dont rly rmb but he was quite sure. dude. i dont rmb shit. he said i kept BUGGING him and sus... and even ask them to try.. zzz

2nd was he said last time they always hang out in bishan, like they have a place they go to like some hangout spot, i nv go before. but after my work, when i still work at bishan CPF too, with my old company, they will like meet me aft my work since they are at bishan too and i will pass them meth. them as in ernest and zels. then they will meet the rest of the grp idk who at their hang out spot and him and ernest will go take meth.. he told me like, on meth he was on his phone for 12hrs, i feel like that happened, but in my head i rly dont rmb. idk how to say. i rly did not rmb that. cos how he brought it up was like, "omg i rmb last time we always meet u aft ur work at bishan then smoke 1 cigg then u will pass us stuff and we will scurry away..." then im like, wait what??? and i didnt even dare to ask how many times.... i was ashamed of my old self.

but i could believe that. for some reason. i was always the one sponsoring their meth. and when he told me like i pass them shit i felt so horrible sia. i keep saying "im so embarrassed and sorry..." like i told him i was ashamed. he said its cool like he dont do anymore. and he apologised for bringing all this up. but i said its ok. like its not that hard. and he commented on my ig names, like its always affirming and nice. so thats cool/ imn ot gna lie these thoughts make me for a second had me thinking it was better times. i was almost consumed by it. but i snapped out of it.

like during our conversation i said like, i thought i was cool, but i was actually the clown, making u guys try meth and shit. i said i felt v v v bad. and its one reason why i dont wna meet them. which is true. bcos i cant face it. he assured that it was okay, and made sure that they didnt blame me. yknow? but up until this point i feel like i am always that stained "jo" amongst that group.

he also mentioned that he only told ernest that hes meeting me, like recently, and ernest said "huh to take meth ah" wah and my heart sank. i laughed it off like it was funny, but i feel like i was stained. meth and jo comes tgt. yknow. i felt so horrible and i apologised to him at the end of the day. like texted him sorry and he said:

J🍩, [28/11/2022 3:19 AM] I jist wna say, im sorry for the way i acted LOL like i didnt rmb alot of things!! Thank u for being gracious as always! Hope to catch u soonnnnn

Denzel, [28/11/2022 3:27 AM] Oh please you dont have to be sorry for anything, i'm serious!!! I've always been so fond of you its actually great we get to laugh about these things after all this time

Denzel, [28/11/2022 3:28 AM] I damn easy to catch hahah

J🍩, [28/11/2022 3:28 AM] Catch what r u a pokemon

J🍩, [28/11/2022 3:29 AM] No la its just these memories v wild to me hahaha i have alot of reflecting to do hahaah

J🍩, [28/11/2022 3:29 AM] But yea glad we can laigh abt it

Denzel, [28/11/2022 3:29 AM] Hahaha i'd love to be a pokemon, eat and fight all day

Denzel, [28/11/2022 3:33 AM] Yeah i reaaaally love how you put in that kind of effort in your introspection, now that we've done looking back; all thats left is making more memories forward huh

and otw back from mac like when i sending him back, i told him like ive never been clearer. and he was v proud of me. so apparently the rest are like dealers and shit, but they dont do meth just mostly weed and ketamine. and he said like they think they are cool. and that rly like got me to see, how uncool and stupid they are. which i think most of them thought of me like that.

aside from our conversation, we had some rly great laughs just about other people and their drama. apprently the group i always thought was cool wasnt very after all. they have so much drama themselves. and i can share w u more but the impt ones were those im saying now.

but today made me realise i dont want anyone else. and i want u. i just want u wie.. i feel so empty, even though it was very wholesome and sweet, something wasnt right. otw to orto, like walking the path we took to the BKK bistro place, i thought to myself like, wow i wish u were with me. id like to pick u and have u beside me all the time. but i also thought that i should be more independent. but when im home like right now, i think ure asleep, i feel empty. i wanna tell u all about my day and all about it. i wna give u all the assurance u need and hope u didnt feel uncomfortable at all. i hope u had fun catching up with ur old friends, tell me all about it too? i was thinking like did they say anything about her, or me. since i assume yw knows her. i dont know. i was ready to leave once u said go. yknow that right? when u said to meet i was alrd thinking of ways to tell him i wna go. but u said u wna go home so i left to get food. i hope u dont think i wasnt putting u first. i dont know if i should have insisted that i went to u or not. i would 100% love to.

it was a weird day. but i can say that old jo is gone because i couldnt even recognize her. the shit i do... i hate old me, but i love this new me!

[moaville]

afterglow - sunghoon x reader

genre: full of fluff, established relationship

note: heavily inspired by a reddit post (i lost it though T__T i'd definitely appreciate if someone sends me it in my asks hehe) and also inspired by taylor swift's song afterglow.

warnings: lots of crying, overdramatic reader (same! i am overdramatic too /jk), some swearing and mentions of cheating. plus this fic is meant to be annoying and cringey so if u dont like young adult romance style fics, skip this one!!

it was surprising, you didn't like it. you have been in a relationship with sunghoon for around 3 years, and it was always the type of relationship that understood each other.

recently though, sunghoon's old boss resigned. that old boss was very demanding, asking him to work for more than expected and having you guys skip some plans for next time. it gave him loads of stress, you understood that it did, so you always tried to help him after work.

his new boss was more lenient, but for some reason he worked harder than before. yesterday, he said that he was going to go on a work trip, when you really wanted to spend more time with him in some way.

in addition, it made you feel so bad when you wanted to ask him to stay.

and here comes our current situation, you accidentally saw a notification from his phone when he was in the shower. it was from someone named 'areum' and it had the subject 'trip details'.

everything was making you feel more and more anxious. "it's just a co-worker, y/n don't worry." he said and kissed your forehead before turning off the night light.

there, you tried to force yourself to agree with him and think that it was only just a co-worker. just nudging your face onto his chest and hoping that it was true.

but the next day was a different story.

since you realized a shirt you really liked was gone, having you accidentally wander around sunghoon's side of the closet. and for some reason there was a receipt of things that you knew he wouldn't usually buy for you and for himself, and it all of it had you swear that it made your stomach turn in pain.

all you could think of was call wonyoung, who was a friend you and sunghoon were close with ever since you graduated college.

"hello y/n" you stayed silent. for some reason, you couldn't say what was happening. "what happened?" she inquired, and there you took your time to mention everything.

"well, first i saw an email from sunghoon's phone. it was from someone else that mentioned trip details. next i also found a receipt of things he wouldn't usually buy for me, i just feel so anxious right now. what if he's cheating on me? what if he's getting tired? what did i do wrong?" you continuously asked, getting emotional and crying again.

"hey... don't worry. i promise, it's going to be fine. now you need to be calm and you need to talk to sunghoon once he comes home. go relax your mind for a bit, and wait for him to go home. i love you so much, y/n. i need to go now!" she said and ended the call.

you decided to go to the kitchen and drink a glass of water to hopefully calm yourself down, but sunghoon had messaged you that he was on his way home because wonyoung called him. not really ready to face him yet, you chugged down on your water and breathed in and out.

feeling as if your world was breaking and you were just so annoyed that wonyoung had called him immediately, you just broke down in the middle of the kitchen.

when you noticed he was there, you suddenly felt the urge to cry harder until you couldn't breathe and feel at pain.

"no, y/n. no no please i'm here now. look, i'm so sorry."

he apologized multiple times, and you just stayed there crying loudly like a child. he tried to touch you but you backed off, and he sighed at your immature antics.

you weren't sure why you were acting like this either, and it all came into a halt when you realized what he was saying. "i'm not cheating, i would never do that. please, i didn't mean to scare you, but just listen to me now i'm so sorry y/n." and it made you stop. "what?"

"i... wanted to surprise you. because i've always cancelled multiple plans and i felt so bad so now i'm.. i didn't realize it. and actually, kai told me that you might find it more romantic as a surprise. i'm really awkward in relationships so i need more help, despite us being years together i know that i'm not the best boyfriend in the world, but please, listen to me first."

you settled down and let yourself be dragged to the bedroom, where you sat on the bed and kept some distance.

"god, so where do i start?" he said with a nervous chuckle. "uhh, you remember when my boss was changed and you told me that it would be easier for us to spend time now? well, yeah i got told by kai and wonyoung that we should have a really pretty vacation and i really wanted to give you the best. yeah. and then areum was just a travel agent i got connected to for this trip. it's just.. really.. i'm sorry. if you also noticed some of your clothes went missing, i might've borrowed some of them to check your size. see i'm really sorry about that. then again they told me it should be a surprise, kai was the main one who helped me arrange, you know, huening kai? oh what else.. have i thought the idea of it being a suprise would really be cute and i got so carried away... but really i'm so sorry."

you smiled a little, feeling so comforted. it felt like he just answered all of your unsaid questions. sunghoon really wasn't the type to say really long sentences, so having him clarify it all for you like that made you so relieved.

for some reason, you continued crying and tearing up hard. "hey hey, why?" he said, cupping your cheek and wiping away your tears. "dork. i just feel like, i love you a bit too much." you said and he just kissed your cheek, hopefully kissing your tears away. "please, i love you more. now i feel weird admitting that." he said with a smile, and you just looked at your handsome boyfriend and hit his chest playfully.

you adjusted your position to huh him and basically strangle him to lie on the bed with you, where he explained where you were going and how wonyoung was on the plan and messaged him quickly on how you were feeling anxious and he should go home quickly or else you would definitely ask to break up before the trip happens. you giggled a bit, and apologized for being immature.

you ended up talking and talking until it was late at night. you tried your best to stay awake, but you felt a bit tired so you just allowed yourself to be hugged by sunghoon in comfort.

you sighed and just leaned more to his chest. maybe you would deal with it someday and ask your friend group about it more, but now you were just enthralled that you were still in your sunghoon's arms and still happily his girlfriend. maybe you're not the best relationship out there, but you're both happy and that is definitely the most important thing.

[swordfaery]

thanks for the tag!! i have we have always lived in the castle on hold at the library so now i’m 👀👀

1. best book you’ve read so far this year?

hm! ive really enjoyed several books i’ve read this year—most recently ‘My Grandmother Sends Her Regards and Apologies’ absolutely blew me away, it was a slow ish start but then just the interconnectedness of people,,, the unconventional family,,,, ALF.

—but i also ADORED ‘Slaughterhouse-5’ and actually all the vonnegut i’ve read i’ve been kinda obsessed w. also finally got my hands on ‘Carrie Soto Is Back’ which was. well i enjoyed it greatly. i’m not great at picking favourites

OH!!! and ‘Bandit Queens’ which i highly recommend, i do love a dark comedy

2. best sequel you’ve read so far this year

uhhhhh i have read. Literally One sequel this year i don’t normally read series idk why. so by default it’d be ‘The Gifts That Bind Us’ but honestly i didn’t like it that much. the trilogy had so many good bits but it felt weirdly gender essentialist for a book w a prominent nonbinary main character.

3. new release you haven’t read yet

all of them? i don’t read new releases cos i get most of my books from the library or on deals as ebooks (shout out to my several mailing lists on book deals). new releases are always really expensive and i almost always just wait a year or so til they’re 99p or in the library

4. most anticipated release for the second half of the year

i don’t actually know what’s coming out bcos i don’t pay attention bcos i dont buy books when they come out but i’m really looking forward to my hold on ‘Something Wicked This away Comes’ coming thru on libby (in about four weeks!!)

5. biggest disappointment

it’s cheating a bit but ‘A Terrible Kindness’ i think i’m gonna abandon at 30% bcis i thought (due to the blurb) that it was about the aberfan disaster but it’s not really and the way the tragedy is used mostly to talk about this one guys issues feels weird.

i was also hoping ‘Something to Talk About’ would be better—it’s a sapphic romance with a tv production setting!! i love that stuff!!! unfortunately it was terrible

6. biggest surprise

i was NOT expecting to fall in love w vonnegut the way i did. he was funny and insightful and the three novels of his i read were all exactly what i wanted.

additionally ‘The Adults’ by Caroline Hulse was something i found in a charity shop on my way somewhere, and the messy relationships and attempts at a perfectly amicable divorce captivated me.

7. favourite new author (debut or new to you)?

look

look

i’m gonna say vonnegut again and he fckin died in 2007 and is part of the literary canon so let’s pick someone else

well i really enjoyed ‘As Long as the Lemon Trees Grow’ by Zoulfa Katouh and i would definitely be interested in reading anything else she writes

8. newest fictional crush/ favourite character

hm. Alf from ‘My Grandmother sends her regards and apologies’ becoming a more involved character genuinely deeply improved the book for me—he’s an old man who swears constantly and wears a leather jacket and lives off coffee. grumpy old men are the best characters

shout out also to Six Thirty (the dog from ‘Lessons in Chemistry)

(to be clear these were both favourite characters not crushes. tho Jack from ‘Kiss Her Once for Me’ was making me blush)

9. book that made you cry

i don’t really cry when i read? exceptions being ‘Catch-22’ and ‘The Hunger Games’ but neither were read this year. I imagine I would have cried at ‘My Grandmother Sends Her Regards and Apologies’ and ‘Slaughterhouse-5’ and ‘Slapstick, or Lonesome No More’ had i been more tired

‘Shuggie Bain’ was also a harrowing read, it absolutely destroyed me all the way through yet managed to end on a hopeful note. Im looking forward to reading ‘Young Mungo’ by the same author tho i know it’ll be tough

10. book that made you happy

okay i keep repeating the same books it sounds like i only read like five so far this year so i’m only gonna mention books not yet referenced.

‘A Cuban Girls Guide to Tea and Tomorrow’ was so sweet (lmao it’s about baking. this is a joke. get it) and is set in a town really near to where I live so it felt esp like. comfortable and homey.

‘The Charm Offensive’ i was not expecting to love the way i did but hey. turns out i love a feel good romance?

also ‘Tomboy Survival Guide’ really felt like it was holding my hand the entire book, talking about butchness and being nonbinary and stuff in a way that really resonated with me.

aight tagging @alfredolover119 @honorbound13 @bookshelpwithmysocialanxiety n anyone else who wants to talk about books

Mid-Year Book Freakout 2023

tagged by my beloved, @hauntedmoors 🫀

1. Best book you’ve read so far this year?

Probably We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson. I was already familiar with her since I remember reading The Lottery in high school, but this story really blew me away. I can’t wait to tuck into more of her writing, and just in general more gothic fiction, and just the weird and freakish overall.

2. Best sequel you’ve read so far this year?

I haven’t read many novel sequels this year, and none of them stuck out so I can’t really list anything. But I would say the second saga of Chainsaw Man, as a sequel, has been a highlight.

3. New release you haven’t read yet?

I’m such a loser, I literally got A Day of Fallen Night signed in person by beloved Samantha Shannon and I still haven’t read it yet 😭😭😭

4. Most anticipated release for the second half of the year?

I don’t really keep up to date with upcoming releases, I just find out Somehow like through tumblr or my Goodreads mutuals, but I do know that the next Heartstopper volume is out sometime this year, so I’m looking forward to that.

5. Biggest disappointment?

I have three for this: Before the Coffee Gets Cold by Toshikazu Kawaguchi, Pet Sematary by Stephen King, and Vengeful by V. E. Schwab.

BtCGC was immensely boring, especially the writing — I guess you could say it’s own hype killed it for me. I heard that it was initially a play, or something along the lines of that? If so, then I think I can confidently say that with how it was written, it did not suit the medium.

Pet Sematary also disappointed me for not living up to its expectations as there’s this short section before the story starts where King basically says it’s one of his darkest stories yet and blah blah it chilled him so he had to put it away for a while before publishing it, so, obviously, I was quite excited!

But, once I actually got stuck into it, it just didn’t really stick out to me as anything special, well, at least compared to coming off reading Shawshank Redemption and ‘Salem’s Lot. Plus, ableism is quite rooted into this one so at times it just was difficult to enjoy, personally.

As for Vengeful, I felt that it was an unnecessary sequel. It didn’t add to Vicious, if anything I’d say it detracted from the overall story by following around all these new characters when what made Vicious so fun was the dynamic between Victor and Eli.

6. Biggest surprise?

I’m Thinking of Ending Things by Iain Reid was quite unexpected. It wasn’t one of my favourites so far from this year, but, regardless, was a big surprise since it deviated far from my expectations.

7. Favourite new author (debut or new to you)?

Sayaka Murata. I loved Convenience Store Woman and Earthlings so I’m intrigued for any future projects of hers! It was interesting how fundamentally similar these two books, like two sides of the same coin, but told in two very different ways. Fantastic stuff.

8. Newest fictional crush/newest favourite character?

Merricat my beloved <3 (also Fami and Asa)

9. Book that made you cry?

I’ve never cried while reading soz

10. Book that made you happy?

Love & Autism by Kay Kerr. I just felt very seen reading this, being able to identify myself within the pages. It also felt special to me since for once it’s not a book about autism addressed to allistic people, it’s a book about autism, written by an autistic author, for an autistic audience.

Tagging: @swordfaery @ignorantsackofeyeballs @moodymika @sarenite (no pressure if you don’t want to do this, also if you just see this post and want to do it feel free to continue the chain)

[latenightdecaf]

Entry 7 - Summer of Vulnerability

part of let the pile of good things grow series - series masterlist

previous entry here

Yoongi x reader

Ft. nonidol!bts (glimpse of ex-boyfriend!namjoon)

Producer!yoongi, roommate!yoongi, soft!yoongi

slow burn romance, friendship, slice of life

series of drabbles/one shots

warnings: alcohol consumption

a/n: okay so here goes y/n remembering his ex!joon also will never get over of in the soop yoongi! can’t wait for the new season. Thank you guys for reading! 🙈

word count: 2,546

Went home from the grocery and some of their wines are on sale so you got carried away and bought 8 bottles and to your surprise, Yoongi’s cooking steak. “oh my God!” You exclaimed as soon as you saw him cooking in the kitchen with paperbag of wines in your arms. Yoongi looked at you with a confused face.

“Did you just read my mind or what??! There’s a sale on the corner deli and…” raising both of your hands as if surrendering, “okay don’t judge me yet but i got a little carried away.”

“A little carried away? You looked like the world’s going to run out of wine tomorrow.”

He smiled on your disclaimer and shaking his head as he paid his attention back to his steak.

“No.” You sighed. “Nothing went my way today, not at all—but i dont want to think about it. I’m psyching myself out of it you see, or better yet i’m drowning myself on these babies.” As you drank your first glass empty. “My eternal companion, the love of my life…”

He turned to your direction, only to see you hugging the bottles of wine that you bought.

He turned to your direction, only to see you hugging the bottles of wine that you bought.

“Come on clear the tables, your babies are not going anywhere.” He declared as he puts down 3 steaks and some aglio olio with honestly way too much garlic because it’s Yoongi.

“I didn’t saw you made pasta also. I am so happy now.” You happily exclaimed as you took a bite of your new favorite steak. “But why the 3 steaks? You hungry?”

He sat in front of you, filling your glass with wine and his too.

“You need food before you chug them all up. I’m not gonna clean up your mess. So you better get it together today. I tell you.” He scolded you.

“Sure sure.” As you immediately devour the pasta he made.

One bottle of wine down. He let you listened to a ‘sketch’ he’s been working on lately. Carefully studying your already flushed face for any reaction. He does this sometimes, ask for your opinion even though you have zero idea about music and producing or anything related to that for that matter.

All he considers is whether you winced at the melody of it, or you nod and eventually smile as it goes. But this time you’re just staring blankly in your wine glass, circling it repeatedly as the sketch ended at exactly 2 mins and 19 secs. And when it ended you looked straight at him.

“This looks like it’s almost done right?” You commented. “Yeah.” As he gulps on his wine, emptying another glass.

“And you wrote the lyrics also?” He nodded.

You looked away and sighed. “It’s too beautiful—Sad and in pain, feels tormented also but beautiful.”

He blinked several times at your words. You’ve heard several of his sketches before and you’d just always say, ‘it sounds good, but Yoongi—i have no idea about music. Zero.’ But he’d let you hear it anyway for couple more times and he’d smile at your ignorant reactions.

This time however, doesn’t seem like a laughing matter. Something about your words got his heart beating faster and he has no idea if its just the amount of alcohol he has consumed by now or just you.

You clinked on his empty glass. And asked, “You want more?” He nodded. And you poured him another. “Remember the girl, I introduced to you before?” You stopped and think for a second and it dawned to you. “Hell yeah, I remember.”

“She’s actually my ex-girlfriend.” He declared.

“Well that I did not expected. The ex part. I can tell though she looks really special.”

“Well, we’re together for a while. But now we’re just co-workers for this debut song of a girl I told you about before. That’s why she was here also the last time, we were looking through old sketches that I have after the meeting. We actually finished that quite early. ”

He never really talked that much about himself. He’s good at talking about work, which for you is already more than enough. You know that despite your living situation, he’s not really obligated to get personal if he doesnt want to. And besides, you also don’t want to. Your end of the rope for sure is scared of any form of vulnerability anyway—so you’re not expecting or demanding that from anybody else.

“So you’re just co-workers now?”

“Yeah, I think so. I really don’t know what I feel.”

“Well, relationships are messy my friend.” Raising your glass of wine as if to cheers and chugging it in one go.

Not sure of what to say next but he looks like he’s in mood to talk but the topic looks too sensitive to even crack a joke so you continued drinking despite the eerie atmosphere.

“If you dont mind me asking, what happened?” Yes, despite your immense effort to hold yourself back. Like any other novel you read, you have this eager feeling to know how it ends. Your mind is literally shouting, ‘But I gots to know!!’

And so you asked. Half fearing for your life for being too nosy and half expecting that you might be up for a good story. Elbows resting on the table, with your chin at the palm of your hand looking eager to hear the story.

“We’ve been together for a while”

“Yeah, you said that already.. and that she’s a song writer. I figured.” Unconsciously saying your thoughts out loud.

“You wanna tell the story instead?” He teasingly reacted in a straight face.

“I didn’t mean to say that out loud… I literally said that in my mind and my mouth just burst it open. They both can’t coordinate that well. I’m sorry. You may continue…sir. Please don’t cut my head off.” You love teasing him.

“You’re drunk.” He was pointing out the obvious by that time, after two bottles of wine.

“Yes she’s a songwriter. They said before thay she’s the words to my melody. Well… before.”

Something about those words just made your heart ache. Frowning in his words you continue to listen.

“We’re together for about 2 years? And then on and off after…. She cheated on me, slept with another producer from another company. I really thought that was the end but after that i still accepted her. I don’t know why.”

“Aigoo you dumbass solider of love. And then??” Continuously frowning in frustration led you to keep on drinking.

He has no plans of actually telling this story tonight, it just poured out. You’re just one of those people that actually listens. He has seen you before, how intensely you focus on a movie or in a book that it bothers you for day. You love hearing stories and your willingness felt like a safe space for his unspoken scars.

“She keeps coming back to me and I keep accepting her. That’s it.”

With a confused look on your face, “I don’t get it.”

“Like you said, relationships are messy.” He’s obviously trying to close the topic already but that’s not going to stop you—you never stop midway of the story. This is not how it ends.

“Messy is one thing, toxic is another. And since when are you a coward? You don’t strike me as one. Really.” ‘Yeah i was.’ Yoongi thought in his head. Words are just literally pouring out of your mouth by now, drowning yet another glass. Yoongi opening your forth bottle.

“Boy, I bought the wrong alcohol tonight, tequila would’ve been perfect.” You declared as he pours you a refill. He laughed at this comment, he kept wondering sometimes how easy it is for you to make him laugh.

“No but all kidding aside… Hard question coming in, Min Yoongi. Do you still love her?” Looking right at his eyes and him staring back at you as he answered. “No, we broke up a month before I moved in here.”

‘That’s quite a while, at least 9 or 10 months now…’ you thought to yourself

“Yeah but having been broken up doesn’t mean that love is gone. It’s not a switch you know.”

“I know. And I wish it was, she’s was a big part of my life I’m not denying that and maybe she always will be. But I’ve changed, she has changed—we’re no longer the same people that we were in the same relationship where I keep questioning my self worth. That’s done now, over. Love took a turn, and it doesn’t look the same anymore. We’re just co-workers now that’s all.”

You like the way he said it. Being no longer the same people that they were. You nodded in his statement not sure what to say next and also feeling a little dizzy.

“I gotta pee.” You suddenly declared and stood up, ran in small steps to the bathroom with Yoongi smiling at you and shaking his head.

And when you got back, he got you a warm water on your favorite mug.

Your thoughts are all over the place when you’re drunk, like you said—your mouth just spills it all out.

“You know what, this is all very brave of you. Being friends with your ex, I can’t imagine.”

“Why? Can’t you?” Staring blankly and holding onto your mug, eyes blinking fast in this question.

“I’m not sure. I’ve never really done it before, I’ll let you know if I can.”

You’ve been staring hard on your mug contemplating on his question. He gently touched your hand that’s been holding your mug and said, “Just drink your water.” And pulled it away as soon as you looked like your soul has comeback to earth.

“Can’t I…?” You repeated the question again, and this time out loud.

Hands underneath your chin and resting your elbows on the table. Yoongi is just staring at you, hands in his cheeks—thumb underneath his chin, not even sure if you can even see him. “I hate your question.” You looked at his eyes this time and said that and he just smiled and when he did, you narrowed your eyes. “I hate your smile too.” And this time, he gave you an even bigger one, those gummy smile. And whenever he smiles at you like that you just can’t help but grin in return.

You chugged the water and showed him your empty mug.

He got up and put the rest of the unopened bottle of wine back to the fridge just to prevent you from opening yet another. With his back facing you, arranging the couple of bottles left unto your fridge.

“Yoongi-ah, I know and I love how we respect each other’s privacy and all but just in case things get too heavy. I’m always here, you know. I mean, I’m really glad about today.”

He looked back at you, hands underneath your chin again and eyelids looking all heavy.

“Same goes for you, I’m always here…” And he turned his back again, “fixing you some food and light bulbs.”

And that statement made you smile. “Indeed, my friend. Indeed.”

He went back to the table and grabbed your wine glass and emptying it for you.

“So you wanna talk about how nothing went right today?” You sighed with your eyes closed.

“Maybe next time, my friend.” You stood up from the dinning table, offered to clean the rest of the dishes but Yoongi insisted that he’d do it instead. So you just nodded and slowly creep back into your room.

“Thanks for today, Yoongi.” You thanked him before you go, peeking behind the wall near the counter and he just smiled at you, cleaning gloves on and started washing the dishes.

Minutes later, you shouted from inside of your room.

“Hey i’ll be in the bathroom for a while. Hope you’re already done using it.”

Yoongi didnt answer. He’s already in his room.

You sat in the tub filled with water that is too hot for anyone else but not for you. Head all dizzy and pounding. It’s 2 am and nothing is more comforting than the silence of it all. Alcohol keeps you awake, more than coffee ever does. The dizziness, the feeling that is drilling in your head, makes it hard for you to sleep. Despite the fact that you always drink. You always drink on an empty stomach though, just so you’re sure you would pass out and not have a hard time sleeping.

But tonight you can’t say no—Yoongi made dinner and as much as you hate how you’re having a hard time now you don’t regret it. The question he said, still lingers. And you know your answer to this, you can’t.

Along with the headache, comes the memories you rarely remember—there are just some special days where somehow the guilt and regret still comes to you in waves, together with conversations you long to let go.

“You can’t be serious?” Joon said, voice cracking with hand on his hair in frustration. “But I am.” With a straight face you answered, “I can’t marry you, Joon. I don’t want to have kids and I know how much you want to have children.” Feeling the desperation in his face and actions, he held your hands close and hugged you. “I love you, I want to marry you. We don’t need to have kids immediately, that’s years away. We don’t have to even worry about that now.” It hurts you to seem him this way, yes both of you may be young—maybe you will change your mind but there’s no guarantee to it. You held onto his shoulder to see his face, tears kept rolling down his face and you keep wiping it off one by one. You’ve thought about this even just a year into the relationship, with all the dad jokes and tiny little shoes he kept in his room. He’s going to be a wonderful dad you thought—maybe not just to your kids because you don’t want one.

The most wonderful man in the world just asked you to marry him a few minutes ago, and now he’s crying on your shoulder in defeat. While you can’t even bring yourself to cry, everything about this just made you numb. You just know you’re doing the right thing. Keeping him by your side with a promise of a future you can’t guarantee is not what love is. You loved him—even much so that you could ever admit.

With the knock on the door, you went back to reality.

“Hey you in there?” His voice echoing at 2 in the morning.

“Yeah, I’ll be here still for a while. You need it?”

“No, it’s okay.” He quietly said, as you heard his footsteps getting farther away.

moodboard sr: x

[falcqns]

To Be So Lonely

Pairing: Henry Cavill x Reader, Sebastian Stan x Reader

Summary: Henry has a crush on you, but you’re dating someone else, and he broods about it. he confronts you about it and ruins his career.

Warnings: swearing, threats, henry is a mega asshole in this and ruins his career, dont know where this idea came from lol

A/N: Bratty!Henry makes a comeback as requested! Hope you enjoy!

Don't blame me for falling

I was just a little boy

Don't blame the drunk calling

Wasn't ready for it all

Henry had been a fan of yours for a while. You had appeared in a few movies and TV shows, and he watched them almost religiously. You hadn’t been acting as long as him, but he firmly believed that you were way better at it than him, He had auditioned for a few of the same projects as you, but he never got the role, for one reason or another. He very vividly remembers watching the Mockingbird movie that you were in, and the feelings of jealousy he got as he watched you kiss your co star, Sebastian Stan. He almost wanted to hate Sebastian, but he had done nothing to him, so he couldn’t. Other than kiss the girl that Henry wanted for himself.

Then, one day, Anya and Freya busted into his trailer with huge smiles on their faces.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, petting Kal, and smirking at his friends. They locked eyes with each other and giggled before Freya told him what was going on.

“Y/N got a part on the show!” She squealed, and Henry felt warmth blossom in his chest in hope.

“Shut up. You’re joking!” He said, standing up, a huge smile spreading on his face. “When does she start?”

“Tomorrow!” Anya squealed, and Henry’s smile grew even bigger. He couldn’t wait.

You can't blame me, darling

Not even a little bit

I was away

And I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch

Who can't admit when he's sorry

Henry was practically shaking with excitement when he woke up the next morning. He wanted nothing more than to rush to set to meet you, but he needed to go for a run, eat, and get himself and Kal ready before he could do that.

40 minutes later, he was ready and was practically speeding to set with Kal in the passenger seat of his car. Kal had his head out the window, his mouth open, biting at the wind. Henry glanced over at him and chuckled. His stomach was feeling the same way.

He arrived moments later, and looked around the parking lot for your vehicle. He didn’t know what type of car your drive, but he noticed a black Dodge Ram 1500 that he hadn’t seen before today, so he had to assume that was yours. His eyes were darting everywhere, looking for you, while walking to his trailer. He dropped Kal off in his trailer, and filled up his food and water bowl before he left for the makeup trailer.

He walked out of his trailer, and that’s when he saw you. You were standing outside your trailer, which was opposite of his. Your hair and makeup was done, and you were talking on the phone. Suddenly, he was feeling very nervous, as you hung up the phone and your eyes landed on him. You waved at him, and the butterflies in his stomach grew as he walked over to meet you.

“Hi!” You said.

“Hi! I’ve been wanting to meet you for so long,” HEnry said as he gazed into your E/C eyes. You blushed and he opened his arms for a hug, which you willingly gave.

“Me too!” You said, and the two of you continued talking until your phone rang again. Henry glanced down briefly and his heart dropped into his stomach at what he saw. It was a picture of you and Sebastian kissing, and there was a heart next to Seb’s name.

“Sorry, that’s my boyfriend, but I’ll talk to you on set, okay?” You said, and Henry nodded with a smile, an attempt to cover what he was truly feeling.

“Of course.” You nodded, and walked away with the phone held up to your ear.

“Hey, baby...” You said into the phone, not noticing how Henry turned his back, and walked towards his trailer.

Don't call me baby again

You got your reasons

I know that you're tryna be friends

I know you mean it

Don't call me baby again

It's hard for me to go home

Be so lonely

Henry managed to hide the hurt he was feeling for a few days, but Anya and Freya first noticed something was wrong when Henry walked away from the three of you while you were telling them how Sebastian was trying to impress you once, and ended up falling down his trailer steps. Henry had made it to his trailer before breaking down. Kal bounded over to him, and pressed his body against his legs. Henry sunk to the floor, and let Kal rest his head on his shoulder. He let out a whine at Henry’s crying, and henry calmed down. He didn’t want to upset the one thing that makes him insanely happy. It was you, but you were taken. he couldn’t think about you liked that anymore, no matter how much he wanted to.

Anya came into his trailer a few minutes later, and sat next to him, her hand resting on his arm.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, and Henry lifted his head to look at Anya. “I like her. So much. But, she’s out there dating that asshole.”

Anya let out a laugh, and Henry looked at her in confusion. “What?”

“Sebastian isn’t an asshole. Just because he got her before you did, you’re going to make him look like the bad guy in this situation? First of all, there is no bad guy in the situation. She’s happy with him. He’s happy with her. If you’d sit and listen to the way she talks about him, you’d understand that. He has done things for her that I’ve never heard of anyone doing for their significant others, especially those who dont care about said significant others. When they were filming together, she really missed her best friend, so he flew her out for her birthday, and paid for them to spend the weekend at Disney World together. He’s a really nice guy, but you’re going to sit here and brood simply because he met her first. Dont blame him, and dont you dare blame her.” Anya said, before giving Kal a pet, and walking out of the trailer.

Henry glared at the wall opposite him for a few minutes, before pulling his phone out and going to instagram. He looked at his notifications, and scoffed in annoyance when he saw that Sebastian followed him. Without thinking, he clicked on the three dots, and blocked him.

You might be taken, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have to be okay with it. He stood up, wiped his eyes, and headed back to set. He made a point to keep his eyes glued to his phone so he didn’t have to talk to you.

He shouldn’t be blaming you for this, but the jealous side of him told him to, since he couldn’t blame Sebastian.

I just hope you see me in a little better light

Do you think it's easy being of the jealous kind?

'Cause I miss the shape of your lips

You'll win, it's just a trick

And this is it, so I'm sorry

You noticed Henry’s demeanour towards you go down over the course of your first week, and you were scouring your brain to figure out why while on FaceTime with Sebastian.

“I don’t know what I did to him. He barely speaks to me, he refuses to be alone with me, and if I even mention something about Marvel or our movie, he scoffs, and makes snide little remarks. He seemed like such a nice a person, and i dont know what happened.” You explained to Sebastian, while playing with your fingers.

“I don’t know, either love. I did notice that he blocked me though. I tried to follow him earlier in the week, and now I can’t even find his account, so I think he blocked me. I don’t think it has anything to do with you,” He said, giving you a sincere smile, that was full of love. You smiled at the sight of his steel blue eyes.

“Why would he hate you though? You’ve never met, and I thought he was a Marvel fan. Anya told me he was, and that he went to see Mockingbird in theatres. It doesn’t make sense.” You said. You watched as something washed over Sebastians face, and he ran his fingers through his hair.

“He might like you. I never even thought about that. He’s friends with Chris, I’ll find out for sure,” Seb said, picking up his phone and typing out a message to Chris.

“You think he like me?” You questioned, and Sebastian nodded. “Yeah, i think he does. I mean, he follows you on all your socials, comments on all your posts, he went and saw a Marvel movie by himself, and I’ve heard from a few people he’s been wanting to work with you for a while, but scheduling always got in the way. To me, its the only logical explanation right now.” He said, and you saw his face fall a little.

You smiled. “Baby, look at me,” His head lifted. “You know, even if this is true, I would never leave you, right?” He nodded.

“I know. It’s just- he’s played Superman. An actual superhero. I play a troubled 100 year old with a metal arm that he got through a debt owed to Steve by T’Challa. He’s played so many more influential roles in his career, and I haven’t even gotten the lead in a ‘superhero’ movie, I’m only a side character. And, I know you had a crush on him at one point. Plus, look at the dude! He looks like a Greek God. I don’t want to lose you.” Sebastian admitted.

You giggled slightly. “Baby, I don’t care about that. I care about you. Did you know that before I started on the Mockingbird set, I was terrified to work with you? I had the biggest crush on you, and I was terrified you wouldn’t like me back, but I was proven wrong instantly, when you came up to me and gave me the biggest hug, and told me if I needed anything, you were there for me. You waited for me on set so you could walk me to my car, even on days where you got to go before I did. You visited me when I was sick, and asked to hang out on our days off. You did that. He didn’t. I love you, not him, dragă.” You said, and he smiled. He locked eyes with you through the screen, and you saw tears welling up in his eyes.

“Te iubesc atat de mult,” He said in Romanian.

“Si eu te iubesc foarte mult.” You responded. “I’ll see you when your plane lands tomorrow, okay? It’s getting pretty late there, and your flights in a few hours.”

You and Seb said good night, and hung up. As you laid in bed a few minutes later, you thought to yourself. “Did Henry really like you, or was that just Seb’s jealousy?” You decided to confront Henry in the morning.

Don't call me baby again

You got your reasons

I know that you're tryna be friends

I know you mean it

Don't call me baby again

It's hard for me to go home

Be so lonely

You arrived at the door of Henry’s trailer less that 12 hours later, and you didn’t bother knocking. The thought of bringing Seb on set when Henry had a problem with him didn’t sit right with you, and you needed to figure out what the fuck was going on.

You walked in, and saw Henry putting food and water in Kal’s bowls. He looked up at you before returning to what he was doing.

“What’s your problem with Sebastian?” You demanded, and to your anger, you got a scoff in return.

“Who says I have a problem with him?” He said, refusing to even look at you. You felt your phone vibrate in your pocket but you ignored it for the moment.

“Seb! You blocked him on Instagram when he followed you. You roll your eyes whenever I talk about him, and get all pissed when he calls me. He’s done NOTHING to you! So what is your problem with him?” You demanded, and he finally turned around to look a you.

“He calls and texts you constantly! He always has to be talking to you. You’re here to do a job, not sit around and text your little boyfriend.” He said, and you laughed.

“Are you fucking kidding me?! I do my job perfectly well, and if you’d open your fucking eyes for two seconds, you’d see that I text him first! I tell him when I’m doing a scene, and when I’m not so he knows he can call me! Being in a long distance relationship is hard, and I’m trying to make it easier on him and I. And you say I’m here to do a job. Right now, I cant think of a SINGLE reason why I even took this job in the first place! Oh wait, I TOOK IT BECAUSE I WANTED TO WORK WITH YOU! Did you know I had an offer from Tom Cruise for The Mummy sequel and I turned it down because I wanted to work with you? I could be in Egypt right now, in shorts and a t shirt with Tom Cruise and Annabelle Wallis, my favourite actress, rather than in dreary fucking England, doing a show with you where you treat me worse than the horse shit that Zeus leaves in his path!” You screamed at him. His face became red, and he retaliated.

“FINE, YOU WANNA KNOW WHY I HATE HIM? BECAUSE HE HAD YOU FIRST! I’VE BEEN TRYING TO WORK WITH YOU FOR YEARS, BECAUSE I HAVE HAD THE BIGGEST CRUSH ON YOU, SINCE YOU APPEARED IN MURDOCH MYSTERIES! I WAS SO EXCITED TO BE ABLE TO WORK WITH YOU, AND I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU OUT, BUT YOU JUST HAD TO GO AND SLEEP WITH THE FIRST A LIST ACTOR YOU COULD GET YOUR HANDS ON WHO PROBABLY DOESN’T GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT YOU! YOU DON’T WANNA BE HERE? LEAVE! I’M SURE TOM WOULD LOVE TO HAVE YOU! HE PROBABLY WROTE THAT PART SPECIFICALLY FOR YOU, BECAUSE WHY WOUDN’T HE? YOU SEEM TO GET EVERYTHING YOU WANT SO WHY DON’T YOU JUST TAKE IT, AND GET OUT OF ENGLAND BEFORE YOU BREAK MY HEART EVEN MORE!” He screamed.

You blinked back tears, and swallowed the lump in your throat before answering. “You don’t get to hate him because he got me before you did. That’s cruel and wrong. And I didn’t sleep with the ‘first A List celebrity i could get my hands on’. I slept with him because I love him, and he loves me. And you’re right,” You felt the tears spill over, and you did nothing to stop them. “I’m sure Tom will be happy to have me, because I quit. I cannot work with you. You are not the person I thought you were at all.” Your turned to walk out the door.

“And to think that I used to have a crush on you too,” You remarked before letting the trailer door slam.

And I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch

Who can't admit when he's sorry

You ran down the stairs and was immediately embraced by Sebastian, who had just arrived on set when he heard your and Henry’s screaming match.

“It’s okay,” He whispered into your ear, as you started sobbing. At that precise moment, Henry walked out of his trailer and opened his mouth to speak. Sebastian held up his hand before he could.

“I think you’ve done enough damage, Cavill. I’m not going to allow you to hurt her anymore. I can’t believe, that you, out of all people, would treat her like this simply because she’s dating someone else. You may play Superman, but you definitely don’t deserve it.” He remarked, and led out away. But, Henry being Henry, decided to snark back.

“You’re one to talk. You play a 106 year old Hydra assassin who somehow managed to convince everyone around him that his a good guy. You’re no worse than I am buddy.”

“Go to your trailer, I’ll see you in a second.” You nodded and headed in. While he dealt with Henry, you called Tom to let him know you could take the role after all.

“I don’t know why you think that you can treat my girlfriend like that, but it’s not okay. You should have seen the amount of research she did for this role! She read every single book, and played every single game in preparation for this role. She was so excited, and turned down the chance to work with her favourite actress to work with you. Not many people would do that. I also dont know what I did to warrant you absolutely hating my guts, other than dating her. I’ve done nothing to you, and even if I did, that doesn’t mean you can treat my girlfriend like shit for it. I’d watch your fucking back, because unlike you, she’s a Marvel actor. The majority of her friends are Marvel too, so don’t be surprised if you get a few nasty messages from certain Avengers, because I will not withhold this information.”

Sebastian walked in to your trailer and found you on the phone to Lauren, apologizing. You hung up a few seconds later and turned to Sebastian.

“She mad at you?” Sebastian asked, and you shook your head.

“No. She understands. She says that she’s sorry that he acted that way, and that she’ll be talking to him. I called Tom and I have the role. I fly to Egypt in two months.” You said, packing up your things. Seb nodded, and moved from where he was to help you.

You took off your costume, and took your hair out. Sebastian took your duffel bag with all your things, and the two of you headed out. Thankfully, you didn’t see Anya of Freya, you weren’t in the right space mentally to explain what happened. All you wanted to do right now was get as far away from Henry as possible.

Don't call me baby again

You got your reasons

I know that you're tryna be friends

I know you mean it

Don't call me baby again

It's hard for me to go home

Be so lonely

Henry sat in his car after getting yelled at by Lauren, Anya, Freya, Joey, and the director, staring at the tree just outside his windshield. He let his emotions get the best of him, and now filming was suspended until they could find a replacement for you. No one was mad at you, no one blamed you. Not even him. He’s the one that fucked up, he’s the one paying the price.

He dug his phone out of his bag, and wasn’t surprised in the slightest when he had a whole bunch of unread messages. He filtered through all the threats that your Marvel friends had sent them.

Chris: you are unbelievable. i cannot believe you treated her like that. my first impression of you being a complete and utter dickhead was true. i can’t believe i was ever friends with you.

Anthony Mackie: for Superman, you’ve done some serious damage. and that’s saying something. i’d be amazed if this didn’t ruin your career completely. you dont get to sit there all high and mighty simply because you’re ‘heart broken.’ none of us are going to keep this quiet.

Scarlett Johansson: count your days cavill. never thought you’d be the type to make a girl cry.

Elizabeth Olsen: congrats on ruining your career. if you even come near Y/N again, we’ll do much worse than ruin your career. believe me.

He threw his head back against the seat. They wouldn’t take it to social media, would they? He thought as he clicked on his instagram app.

The first thing he saw was a post from Robert Downey Jr explaining what had happened.

He’d fucked up bad, and there was nothing he could do to fix it.

To be so lonely, to be so

To be so lonely

To be so lonely, to be so

To be so lonely

[kaz11283]

Love Never Wins

Summary: Words will be said but do you really think either one of you mean them. Sometimes actions speak louder.

Warnings: slight angst

Characters: Loki, Thor, Y/n, Clint, avengers in the background here and there

Loki x you, Thor x you (platonic), Clint x you (brother,sister)

ANNOUNCEMENT: Not going to lie. This was going to be a simple short sweet straight to the point drabble but it turned into such a looooong one shot (i guess) I was in a good head space wgile writing this and just couldnt stop really. But it is something that I am very proud of.

ANNOUNCEMENT 2: I've had to make this a simple 2 part. I got way to carried away with everything in it!

Loki Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What's going on with you?" You yelled as you grabbed Loki by the arm pulling him away from the girl who was obviously flirting with him and he with her.

"What are you talking about? We were talking." He yelled back.

"You were flirting Loki in front of everyone! Openly! Don't play me for the fool you think I am. You've been off lately. Not around as much, zoning out when we finally have some time together. If there's something you want to say tell me now." You felt the tears rush to your eyes. You had seen all the signs, hell you were an expert at the signs. Multiple boyfriends had given you the signs before but for some reason you though that maybe, just maybe, he was diffrent.

"I just feel like we've grown apart in the last few months y/n. I don't think I can do this anymore." he said simply.

"You said I brought out the best side of you, that I was the love of your life." You said tears streaming down your face now, to hell with the makeup you was wearing you wasn't going back to the party anyways.

"You're not." He stated simply clenching his jaw.

"Ok fine. It's not the first time I've been broken up with. Just the first time that I had ever put so much into someone that I truly did see a future with just to have my heart completely ripped out in front of me. You got me good this time trickster. Don't think I'll be able to fully recover from this one." You spat back at him before turning to head up stairs to your room that the two of you had shared for so long.

Luckily Tony hadn't done anything to the room you had once occupied on a lower level of the tower so you easily moved all of your clothing back into there in a matter of no time. You weren't use to the feeling of being alone but thats all you wanted right now for the rest of your life. The god of tricks had ruined other men for you, he had once shown you love like you had never felt, and now your heart broke like it had never broke before.

"Hey sis, noticed you weren't- oh god what did he do?" Clint asked walking into your room. "Knew something was up. I could feel it."

"Hawk stop with the twin shit, its creepy." You huffed whipping your eyes on the back your long sleeve hoodie.

"What happened? All I know is you two disappeared, he came back, you didn't, and he said I should probably find you in your old room." He sat down next to you.

"We broke up. Easy as that. Ya know I never understood why they say not to date your co workers till today." You shrugged turning to him. "When we first got together you hated it-"

"To be fair he did brainwash me."

"I didn't say you didn't have a right. We kept it from you for a while though. But we hadn't been together long, Hawk, I thought he was diffrent from any man I ever dated-"

"Well he is a god, kinda different."

"Would you shut up so I can vent just for a little bit then you can go back to the party."

"Na, parties lame anyways, I was thinking about hanging out here for a little bit." He said kicking his shoes off and proping his feet on the coffee table throwing his arms across the back of the couch.

"Whatever," you rolled your eyes as you snuggled into your brother. "He was so kind, gentle, he was paciant with me. He knew that me and you were close and he didnt wamt to get in the way of that. He wanted us to be closer than he and Thor was. I think it helped him realize just how important family is when you only have each other. We kept it a secret for so long though." You pulled the hood up closer to your face. You didn't want to admit to yourself but you had kept the jacket because it still smelled like him.

"Nat seen the two of you making out in the hall weeks before you told anyone by the way." He laughed pulling you closer to him. " I didnt say anything though because I knew you would tell me when you were comfortable with it."

"I love him so much and he played me. Completely tricked me into these feelings that I dont think will ever change." You sobbed wrapping your arms around his waist, he through his arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer.

"Hes a dick with a god complex. Hes not good enough for you at all. Coming from a brother, a twin brothers point of view, I think you could do better. All is fair in love and war, but dont put it past me to be a little rougher on him during training, and I wont point anything out if you happen to let some bad guy kill him on the field." He said kissing the top of your head.

"Hawk, you know I'm not like that. I habe a reputation to up hold." You said slapping his arm before pulling away. "If you wanna stay theres still some of your sweats that I stole in the bedroom and ice cream in the freezer, but your sleeping on the couch. Its been since we were kids that we shared a bed but I bet you still kick."

~~~~

A few weeks had passed since you and Loki had called it quites. You had been mainly staying in your room trying not to cause any uncomfortable silence if you and Loki wede in the same room. On one occasion when you had ventured out to the living room you seen Loki holding an icepack to his eye and a busted lip, your first instinct was to rush over and make sure he was ok but instead you turned and took a seat between Thor and Clint.

"Lady Y/n, as always your peresnts lights up the room. We just havent been seeing much of it as of late." Thor greeted you with a warm smile throwing his huge arm ober your shoulder, making you look smaller than you already was.

"No more gods." Clint mumbled beside you.

"Thor is just a friend. One of the best I have." You laughed. "What happened?" Nodding toward Loki.

"Payback." He shrugged.

"Ah yes, it turns out Loki is not very good at hand to hand combat unles he is able to use his magic." Thor laughed. "I always tried to get him to train with me but he never did, turns out he probably should have."

"Oh for god sakes I'm right here and you three are not really whispering. I shouldn't have to learn hand to hand combat I have my sedair! I'm assuming it was just your brothers idea so that he could get back at me." He yelled.

"And you forget that there could come a time when you might need hand to hand. I told you many times that you needed to train but no mister 'I'm Loki prince of Asguard, burdened with glorious purpose', mister I have my magic. Bullshit. Your just sour because a mear mortal bested you at something. Grow a pair and learn how to actually fight." You jumped up. You had finally snapped. It had been coming tough sitting in you waiting for the right, or wrong, time to show up.

"You watch your tone!" He shouted jumping up. "I know how to fight better than half the people in here." Clint and Thor slowly stood watching the scene in front of them neither one know what to do.

"You know how to use your pixie dust to make things happen! Well guess what tinker bell this aint Neverland. We get in weird predicaments all the time you never know what to expect." You yelled back. "Hell Loki, your probably so bad at hand to hand even I could beat you."

"Oh your on. Training room, 30mins. That is unless your scared?" He said giving you a mischievous smirk.

"Trust and believe I'm not afraid of you by any means. No weponds, no sedair strictly hand to hand." You said turning on your heel to walk to your room to get ready leaving Clint and Thor standing alone in the living room aww struck.

"So what do we do?" Clint finally asked.

"Well of course we have to stop this. It will not end very well." Thor answered.

"So tell the others?"

"Yes you tell the others I will get refreshments for the battle." They took off in seprate directions.

[sapphicgarlic]

turpitudinem part 2

warnings: i mean..... its the 70´s and harry is a pornstar......

YOU DONT NEED NEED TO READ THE FIRST PART BUT LIKE...ANYWAYS here's the link ;) 

ONCE MORE thanks to the lovely @real-work-of-art for enduring this with all the errors and to my dear Casey @berrynarrybanana because this is part from her sex bucket list  challenge!!! i am very late to the part but here it is!!! i was thinking of keeping it and adjust more (my self doubt is thriving) but i decided to say fuck it. here it is!!!!!

If Y/N didn´t know she would be arrested for arson she would have burned the library to the ground by now. She needed to get out of the two story brick library she has been working at for the last 2 years before her body deteriorates and vanishes into thin air.

Cause of death? Boredom.

Dramatics aside, things can´t get more monotuos than this, she is sure of it. It's not like Rosemary, her 80 year old manager, was up Y/N´s ass and paying attention -- or at least trying--  to her every single move  or the loud uni students that came in just mess the shelves she just spent hours organizing. The fucked up thing about organizing books in a big place like this is that it comes back to bite your ass later: there is always someone that asks Y/N about a book that knows she didn't put in the right place and she must run like a maniac to find it before the person gets cranky.

No, no,no, in fact, Y/N couldn't have found a better place to work. A year round quiet place where most people that come in are too stressed or way too in their own head to notice that she is high as a kite or still drunk from the party from last night/early-morning. Being under the influence surely did help Y/N deal with anyone, putting her mind in a tranquil state where she actually didn´t care if she was called a bitch or a stupid library rat -- only if they knew.

Y/N truly felt bad about lying to Rose and Willam, other co-workers that was working during one of her shifts, about why she sometimes seems a little airy and too zoned out. The two were very gullible people because of their age (Willam was still in a private, very strict, catholic high school). So when Y/N shared her very “sad” childhood story about the time her mother let her fall off the crib, permanently messing up with her brain, and how the medicine was so strong that it made her dizzy, they both ate it up like it was Marie Antoinette´s brioche during the French Revolution (or something like that, Y/N didn't pay much attention to her history classes.)

She even got access to the roof! The very secluded and locked roof was disposable only for her when she was feeling extra lightheaded about “the medication”. Needless to say that Y/N would go there to smoke her brains out or chug Campari from her flask if her shift was taking too long to end or if some creeps got in to “study”.

With all of the benefits only a fake disease could pull off, wishing the library to burn down into ashes would require a major problem to happen.

Y/N´s problem had a name, curly brown hair and green eyes, that made her truly hate her once very loved job at the public library.

The problem is, after you fuck a buff guy that also happens to be a very famous pornstar in the backseat of his fancy convertable , life becomes dull and grey. And the fact that it was probably the best fuck Y/N ever had did not help her to get him off her mind.

It did not take long to discover that Harry was a true gentleman.

He didn't rush her to get out of his car and send her away after they were done. Harry made sure they had a fantastic time afterwards, smoking and chatting about their lives and getting to know the woman he fucked in his car. Never too pushy, even let her the last drag out of the joint! Having a nice talk with a man that wasn't trying to get into her panties was rather rare and Y/N thought it was refreshing.

Quickly offered to drive her home even after Y/N telling him it would be quite a long ride. Harry just smiled and drove around the coast for as long as he would before officially entering downtown, so they could enjoy the peaceful noise of the waves clashing. Y/N regretted being so nervous about meeting him, but alas, she couldn't have predicted his sweet personality.

“If you don't mind me asking, why did you move all the way across the Atlantic Ocean?” Y/N moves her head to his side, looking at his gorgeous side profile, trying not to have her words eaten by the wind.

“Money was getting really tight at home and my older sister got a job offer here. I came with her but not a year after she got extremely homesick and went back. I stayed.”

“So you didn't comehere to pursue pornography?”

“That´s fooey thing to say. It would be very dumb of me to do that, however, it would not be something I would pursue if I was at home, I will give you that. I just...stumbled upon it.”

“How does one stumbles into porn, Harry? That is what is fooey. But I guess you are right, I wouldn't do the same stuff if I was still back home with my family. Maybe we aren't that different.”

“You actually thought we were? We are made from the same side of the tape, darling.”

Unfortunately, their little bubble of happiness and bliss bursted open the second Harry parked in front of Y/N´s small building. A moment passed by before Y/N decided to make her way out of his car after mumbuling a small ´goodbye´. It was awkward, they knew it and the lady that was passing by knew it too. Her movements wereslow because of the joint and the amazing fuck she just had -- if someone asked her why her legs looked like they were made of jelly, Y/N would say it was the tension of carrying a heavy envelope full of money.

She was almost at the door when she heard his voice and she never felt more relieved.

“I can call you, yeah? Like...just to talk..and stuff?”

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．

It didn´t take too long for Harry to call her, just two short days and her phone was ringing.

Talking when their schedules allowed easily became a habit for them. It was organic and there wasn't such a thing as silence, one would always be  rambling about something. Harry was exceptionally and consistently in a bad mood the rest of the week, on the brink of pulling all of his beautiful locks from his head. His employers and producers, in his point of view, were making an extra effort to mess up everything they could that week. Y/N always loved to talk and Harry welcomed the delightful distraction with his arms wide open.

His favorite calls were the ones that took place really early in the mornings when he is getting ready for work and Y/N is getting ready to go to bed after a party. Her drunk bluntness was the perfect pick-me-up.

“You won´t believe it, Harry. The guy fucking broke the pool table and ran away. The owner w-will be mad when h-he sees the damage.” She says in between hiccups.

“The parties you frequent sound way more fun than the ones I need to go to.” “Rich p-people don´t know how to party-y.” Y/N could feel her eyelids getting heavier and heavier with each word, but she didn't want to hang up.

“Ouch.” Y/N falls like a little mouse into his trap, trying to correct herself believing he got sad until she hears his giggles. “I am kidding. But you are right, most people from here are stuck ups.”

“You should come and party with us sometim-e, t-then.”

“I bet you would have more fun if I was there.”

“So cocky when you are the one getting ready t-to go to work.” Y/N yawns.

“You should go to sleep.”

“And you should stop working so much.”

“Touché, darling. Let's compromise: you go to bed and before you know it, I will be done with work. Sounds good?”

“Just because I am really really tired. Good morning, Harry.”

“Sweet dreams, Y/N.”

Roxy nor Gwen thought that Harry would be keeping constant touch with Y/N afterwards but they sure found it nice for her. For all they knew, he was a good company for their friend, very funny and up-beat. They never were too protective of Y/N because of her natural spirit of being assertive but it was very pleasant to see she had  new company by her side. Even if that meant she would be a little bit late for their Saturday brunch.

“Why don’t you guys just meet up again instead of talking over the phone? It is really dumb, honestly. Have you considered how high your phone bill is going to be?” Gwen says taking another bite of her eggs and toast.

With not a cloud in the blue sky, the three girls decided to eat on the outside patio of Bruce´s under the nice shade of a parasol. Maybe it wasn't the brightest of ideas since the three had partied until 3 am and they would start to sweat alcohol at any given moment with the only refresher being the ice cold water and orange juice they requested.

“Yes, I have. He has been busy with some shit that I didn't understand. Something about the development of a film being late or something.” Y/N picks up a piece of mango out from her fruit bowl and munches on it, not necessarily waiting too long to start talking again. Manners could wait. “And it's been like, two weeks, I don't want to sound desperate.”

“You didn´t vanish with Christopher last night. Actually, with no one, you were always in my sight. That doesn't really happen so I would say you are probably desperate for him.” Roxy chimes in and takes the black and bulk sunglasses off her face to clean them with the sheer fabric of her blouse.

“I heard stories of him under performing and I didn't want to test it for myself.” Both Roxanne and Gwendolyn snort, not believing a word that comes out of Y/N’s mouth.

“What?”

“And you didn't bother finding someone else? That hasn't stopped you before.”

“Wasn't Connie there too? She never says no to you.” Gwen adds as Roxy murmurs ´yes, yes´ under her breath.

“Fine” She huffs. “ Maybe hooking up with someone that wasn't Harry didn't seem good yesterday.” Y/N groans, closing her eyes in agony. The sun and the not-so-pleasant conversation hit her all at once. “I need new sunglasses, these are shit.”

“Don´t try to change the subject, Y/N, because I don't think you fucked someone after him and, as you said, it's been two weeks.”

“If this goes on for one more week, I will throw you into a nunnery since you decided to join the celibacy life.” Gwen teases.

“Both of your sex lives must be really boring for you two to keep tabs on mine.” Y/N lowers her head trying to make the sun not directly hit her face again. She should have chosen her other pair to wear today but her mind was still a bit fuzzy and she was already running late.

“Well, neither of us fucked a pornstar in the backseat of his convertible.” Roxy says nonchalant downing her water glass.

“In the middle of the day, may I add.”  

“Oh, really? Didn't know, Gwen.” Y/N´s head falls to her right and rolls her eyes to her friends who had a big smile on their faces. She was really not used to being the one with a romantic interest -- if she can even call Harry that. “Fair, enough I guess. I mean… he is a great guy and a good company so, yeah, I wouldn't mind spending more time with him.”

“Spending more time with his dick, you mean.” Roxy corrects her while cutting a piece of her toast and eggs and eating it immediatly after.

“Why do I even bother going out with the two of you?” Y/N huffs giving up on her sunglasses and taking them off, throwing them on the table, deciding that if she went blind by the sun, so be it.

“You love us”

“I wouldn't go that far.” Y/N inhales deeply, her body slumps onto the backrest. “Anyways, are you two free later? I need to run some errands and I am craving fries and a milkshake for later.”

“I have a date with Robert today and I need to nap for quite some time in the afternoon. Sorry.” “I was thinking of having a quiet afternoon and going to sleep early. If you really want some company I can go but I--” “It´s fine Roxy, really. Was just asking if guys were free or needed to hit the shops too.”

“We didn't fuck a pornstar and have some extra money laying around, Y/N.” Gwen teases.

Y/N throws her friend her middle finger making Gwen laugh.

“You know where Robert is taking you?” Roxy asks, shifting the topic and Y/N zones out imagining meeting up with him again.

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．

If Y/N could get rid of something permanently it would be her annoying conscience because if it weren't for it, she wouldn't be working the Tuesday morning shift at the library.

It was normally her day off work but the late call from a very worried Rose rambling about how William´s mom called her to say that her son fell ill and couldn't work his shift. The poor old lady was on her eighth call to find someone to substitute the guy. Y/N pitied her, feeling especially guilty about lying to both of them, and accepted the offer trying to ignore how early she would need to wake up the next day.

The only thing that was pushing her throughout the shift was the little naps she was taking every thirty minutes in different book sections. Turns out not many people were going inside a poorly dimmed library on such a pretty hot day like today so Y/N was stuck to reorganizing books while another teenage girl called Linda was the cashier. From a distance, she seemed really bored too and Y/N enjoys the fact that at her normal shift there were at least some people to interact with while being high. Far much more fun than collecting 7 different bibliographies on Abraham Lincoln and placing them on the shelves in alphabetical order.

Y/N was contemplating taking another nap in the Wiccan and Witchcraft section that was far in the back and secluded until she heard loud footsteps getting close to her.

“Someone on the phone is requesting to talk to you.” Linda says making Y/N frown. No one calls her while she is working especially since this is not her usual shift. The walk to the phone in the staff room seemed longer than usual, Y/N could feel her muscles tense and her breathing falter a bit. Did something happen to her friends? Or to her parents?

“Hello?”

“Thought you had gone missing for a moment, love. Weren’t answering my calls.” Y/N scoffs at herself, not believing she got all startled for this.

“Co-worker got sick and I had to fill in last minute.” She smiles while her back touches the mustard yellow wall knowing this wouldn't be a short and quick call. “The streets are getting dangerous, darling, didn't know.”

“ So you called me just to warn me about the streets? Is that it, Harry? Was thinking it would be an important call.”

“You don't consider me important? Consider my ego very bruised.” Y/N hears shuffling and other people talking in the background and her mind quickly wonders where he is.

“You know what I mean, Harry.” Her eyes travel to the boring looking room. Beige and brown were the main thing, a long stained wood table with four jabed chairs that matched the counter of the little kitchenette they had to warm up lunches. Would Harry surprise her and fuck her against the table, it would easily break therefore ruining the whole experience. Maybe the roof then?

“Well, I do have good news.” Y/N mumbles ´what it is, what it is´ during the dramatic pause of his. “The tape is finally ready. Even though it was a pain to get it done, I do think it was worth it.”

Y/N is stunned because a part of her thought that Harry was going to give up on it and burn the film. He has been absolutely cranky about it and how it was complicated to edit the tape so it was a huge relief to know it was set to go. However, before she can express anything, the door swings open revealing a fussy Linda with the weirdest expression Y/N has ever seen.

“Why are you taking so long. I am absolutely sure Ms. Rose doesn't pay you to chat on the phone and would be extremely sad to kn-”

“Oh, I am so sorry, Linda. It´s my head doctor, he has an important thing to tell me. Something about my head x-ray arriving from the lab and not being good. I-I--”

Y/N needs to bite her own tongue to stop herself from laughing watching Linda´s pale cheeks turn into a crimson shade of red. Her acting skills that she gained from doing theater during high school clearly paid off. The teen girl doesn't have the courage to even speak or say sorry, just goes away as quickly as she came.

“Sorry, Harry. What were you saying?” She says between chuckles knowing that, now, she could be locked up in the little room until the shift ended that Linda wouldn´t say a word. Probably would think that Y/N would be crying about the fake lab results.

“Head doctor?”

“It´s a complicated story. The girl tried to intimidate me so she definitely deserved it. Now she will definitely think twice before lashing out on other people. But I do need to stop traumatizing people, that lie is what got me here in the first place.”

“I could almost hear the girl's cheeks exploding over the phone, so I highly doubt you will stop. Sounded too much fun to stop.”

“It most definitely is.”

“Speaking about having too much fun and not being able to stop, I was getting to the point where I invited you over to my pad so you could watch it and give me your opinion about it.”

“You mean today?”

“If you aren't too busy for me since I have so little importance in your life….”

“I think I can fit you into my very tight schedule. You better make it worth it.”

“I most definitely will, darling, don't worry.”

“What time do you think? Because I do have a meeting with Brigitte Bardot and Cybill and I simply must not make them wait.” Y/N says in the most proper and lavish accent her mind comes up with even though she knows it sounds ridiculous.

“What about eight? It gives us a lot of time to chat before the sunset. Not to brag, but the view from my house is rather pretty but no-”

“Let me guess, not as pretty as me. You are a really smooth talker to get in a girl's pants.” Y/N swirls her index finger on the curly cord that connects the actual phone to its base. “I already have, I reckon. I don't have to worry about being smooth anymore.” Harry giggles.

“That doesn't mean you will get in twice.”

“I´m very good at negotiating, sure I can help you get there.”

“That is really sad, Harry. Having to negotiate to get someone to go under you, that just means you underdeliver. But I guess charity work must be done.”

“So you want my address or we should just forget I invited you?”

“Wait just a second so I can get paper and a pen.” She positions the phone on her shoulder, pressing the side of her face to keep it in place while looking at the cabinet for stationary. “You can say it now, please.”

“6187 Collington Place.” He says it slowly, repeating himself two times so Y/N doesn't get it mixed up. “If you want I can pick you up.”

“Thank you for offering but there is no need. I will get a cab.”

“You sure?” He asks once more as Y/N rips the paper off the little notebook, lazily folding it and putting it in the back pocket of her jeans.

“Yes.”

“So you will show up?”

“Maybe….maybe not. Guess only time will tell.” Y/N breathes out, looking at the clock on the corner. “I think I need to go before Linda thinks I died in here and calls an ambulance.” “Killing your co-worker shouldn´t be on your check-list, yeah. See you soon then?”

“See you soon. Bye Harry.”

“Bye Y/N.”

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．

Y/N screwed up and it is too late to turn back.

Her subconscious shouldn't have assumed that the invitation would include sleeping over because now she doesn't have money to pay a cab back to her house. The car was already up the hill, there is no way she could ask him to turn around so she can grab more money without making Harry think she bailed on him. All of this trouble would have been avoided if she just brought a purse with her.

Stupid Roxy and her “Don´t wear the purse! It's going to look too formal!”.

And now Y/N was standing in front of Harry´s house with no money to come back home. Great. At least she looked good. The contrast between her plain black long sleeve cotton dress with the shiny leather-like Mary Jane shoes really made it look like she put enough effort without trying too much -- that was what Roxanne said anyways. Even though the material of the mini dress didn't do much to protect Y/N´s body from the cold breeze, the stockings were enough to keep Y/N from shivering.

At a first glance, his house wasn't intimidating or flashy as Y/N imagined. They had just one encounter personally but Y/N knew Harry had an eccentric style -- the red heart shaped glasses and blouse truly gave it away -- so to see the rather simple driveway was surprising. The entryway was secluded instead of being the first thing you see and it surely was because of the bronze metal double door, Y/N thinks. Her first instinct was to knock but she stops herself knowing how probably loud it would be and rings the little doorbell.

Y/N´s eyes can't help but to peak over to the window. She could see the wide corridor and the statues and painting Harry had over the sides. The way the sunlight came through the windows and reflected on the objects made everything look extra fancy. Y/N would confess that it was kinda creepy how she could just observe the interior so easily but since it's not an actual room, maybe it wasn't as bad.

Distracted by the little golden reflexes on the frames, she doesn't notice Harry coming until it was too late and he is about to open the door. She takes a step back, as if he hasn't seen her peaking, trying her hardest not to look like a child who just got caught.

“Hello.” He smiles, putting one of his hands inside the pocket of his checkered pants.

“Hi, sorry for looking. I-I…” Fuck, her cheeks are flaming hot. Karma is a bitch. “ I couldn't help.”

“Creep.” Harry says seriously, the smile vanishing from his face. She freezes but her body feels like it is on fire, burning from inside out. For all she knows she might start crying at any second. “I am just fucking with you, darlin´.”

While he laughs away, Y/N tries to regain her breath and heartbeat to normal.

“You should have seen your face.” “Not...funny.” Y/N shakes her head trying to forget what just happened but unfortunately for her, her mind will replay it every time her head hits her pillow before sleep sweeps her away.

“Well, I found it pretty amusing.” Y/N lingers to respond, analysing Harry´s laid back outfit. Whatever Y/N thought she had done with the dress and shoes couldn't compare to the contrast of the white tank top and the ink on his large arms. His hair was disheveled as if he just woke up from a nap but it couldn't look better in Y/N´s opinion. “You are all dolled up for me? You look really nice.”

“I am starting to regret coming here.” “Nonsense, come in, come in.” He steps off the door, clearing the way from Y/N. “Sorry for huh-, teasing you like that. It probably wasn't the best idea.”

“It is okay, I think I kinda deserved it. After what I did to Linda and all.”

“Oh, yeah. How's your head by the way? Are you really hurt?” Harry examines her face, searching for something wrong.

“Perfectly fine. It’s just a dumb excuse if I am too trippy.” Harry snorts guiding her through the corridor to the main living room and Y/N is surprised. From the wooden high ceiling to the enormous pivoted window, the room had an unique charm and it was undoubtedly the selling point of the whole house. The green carpet matches perfectly with the brown L- shaped couch and the big yellow pouf next to the analog television. It seemed, however, a center table was missing because of the huge empty space.

“Want something to drink? I was thinking white whine but if you want something not alch--”

“White wine is fine.” She smiles and Harry´s shoulders relax before moving to another much smaller all glass hallway that must lead to the kitchen.

The soft last rays of sunshine coming through and the lovely view from the back garden and the pool which, at this time of the day, seemed to be filled with honey. The house was not too far away from the fancy shops and yet, it felt like Y/N was far away from the bustling city.

“Here” Harry comes back with two wine glasses handing one to her. She sips it quietly as Harry looks around, trying to find something. “Probably should’ve brought the projector here before you came. Fuck. I need to go get it. It’s in my bedroom.”

“In your bedroom? Isn’t that thing too big to be carrying it around?” From the last time she heard, film projectors hadn’t improved a lot on their shape and size to downsize to something more compact and easier to carry.

“Yeah, but I can handle it. Had to put it there in the first place.”

It turns out that Harry couldn't actually handle it, especially not with one hand holding his wine glass. A loud ´bang´ echoes through the house followed by some shattering that makes Y/N jolt and search for where it came from. She guides herself through the same corridor Harry first disappeared in and through the kitchen. The hardest thing was to not get distracted by the insane amount of glass and other decorative pieces, than to navigate through an unknown space.

When she does find Harry he is crouched on the floor gathering the pieces into his hands murmuring something to himself, trying to put the projector together. By just glancing at the room, Y/N figures it is a smaller living room with the same aesthetic as the other just not as majestic. She puts her glass down on a little side table and crouches down to help Harry out.

“I stumbled on the carpet.” Fortunately, the glass pieces didn't shatter to tiny little particles. Taking that out of the carpet would be impossible. “The projector is a goner.”

“I can see that.” Y/N giggles, Harry gets up putting the projector -- or what was left of it-- off to the side. “Where should I put this?” “Kitchen.” They start making their way before Harry quickly adds. “I am so sorry. Should’ve thought about bringing it out before”

“It´s okay, things happen.” When she was making her way to Harry, her eyes really didn’t register the kitchen and the skylight above the double sink. He opens one of the wooden cupboards. The backsplash and the corners had the same squared yellow tile and were even more eye-catching with the golden specs of sunlight.

“Made you come here for nothing. Here.” Harry gets a plastic bag so Y/N can toss the glass pieces in here.

“At least we got to see each other.” Y/N says before frowning. “You keep your cameras in the kitchen?”

Harry´s head perks to see what Y/N is referencing to.

“I was planning on taking some pictures but I forgot about it. I am not the most organized person.”

“I can tell.” Y/N laughs as she moves closer to the Polaroid. “You still have all ten shots.”

“What do you mean byI can tell’?” Harry approaches her after tossing the bag with a sloppy smile on his face.

“Nine!” She exclaims after quickly snapping a photograph of him and grabbing it. “You look nice.”

“It’s still blank, Y/N.” Now, they are closer. Too close maybe. Y/N´s back is against the counter and one of Harry´s hands is placed near her waist.

“My point exactly.”

“That's not a nice thing to say.”

Y/N looks up, facing Harry and his smirk.

“I never said I was a nice girl.”

Harry nods, licking his lips.“Can I?” He points to the camera. Y/N hums in response giving it to him. Suddenly, he takes two big steps back, increasing their distance. Y/N wishes he didn´t, having him so near was good, she missed it.

Y/N tries to angle herself a bit, feeling her dress rise a few inches.

“Part of me wished the tape hadn’t developed. I want it for myself.” Harry confesses pushing the button. “Eight.”

“Greedy.” She slowly walks over to him, picking up the still white photo. He places his hand on her cheek, caressing it softly and Y/N can sense her body melting and reacting to it, her cheeks hot and her skin asking for more.

“I can´t help with, love. It´s a shame you couldn't see it today.”

“That just means I need to come back here again.”

“Win, win, I guess.” Harry lowers his head to Y/N´s level gently pressing his lips against hers. Submersed in their needy kiss and lingering touches, both lose track of time for a while. It seemed that the last time they were in each other's embrace was forever ago so the urgency for more was escalating rapidly inside.

“Wait, look.” Harry whispers close to Y/N´s mouth. “The sun is officially setting down.”

“You were right, it does look very pretty from here.” Maybe it was because of how much of a clear vision his house had since it was a little up a hill or maybe it was his presence, Y/N couldn’t put her finger on it.

“I was also right when I said you are prettier.”

Y/N snorts, closing her eyes and smiling, missing the flash. “Seven.”

“Jerk! I wasn´t ready!” Harry ignores her comments, throwing the unrevealed photos on the counter.

“I didn’t ask.” He extends his arm, moving his hand. “Come over here.”

Y/N doesn’t bother responding, connecting her hand to his letting herself be pulled in his direction. The camera once again is glued to his face, aiming at Y/N’s even if it's too close to get all of her face in the frame.

“A picture of my huge pores?” Y/N asks, pressing her lips together trying to think about anything to distract herself from the feeling of Harry’s growing bulge from the light pressure of her hips.

“Relax your mouth for me, love.” He says, scooting his face a little further from hers and taking a picture. “Perfect.”

Y/N´s mind is foggy from desire, something about Harry paying attention to a small detail made her legs weaker. “I had an idea for the next one.” She smiles and Harry snaps the fifth picture. “It was not that.”

“Yes?” Harry´s face is still behind the camera when Y/N takes his free hand delicately, closing his fingers one by one but leaving the thumb up. She sticks her tongue out, placing his thumb there before sucking on it. Harry takes a few seconds to process what is happening and takes another photo. “Fuck.”

She takes his finger out of her mouth, smirking. “Down to the final four. You blew threethere.” “Fucking worthy.” He tosses them into the counter, not caring much about them at the moment. Harry lowers his face once more to Y/N´s level to kiss her. This time, however, it´s much filthier and needy. Now, he fully had a hard on and Y/N could feel it pressing against her, making her core ache.

Her hands getting lost in his curls, tugging them as she pleases. In response, Harry moans, wishing to throw the damn camera away and fuck Y/N right there.

“I want a picture too.” Y/N says, she grabs the camera and slowly pulls away from Harry. His hair was even messier now and his pretty pink lips shiny. He looked like a dream, his eyes glistening from lust and from the sun. “Take off your shirt.”

He obeys her removing his tank top off his torso. All the breathing exercises in the world couldn't make Y/N regain her breath. From his butterfly tattoo, to his happy trail to his beauty marks, it was a piece of heaven on earth. The sun making his skin look golden, making the ink on it look as if it was alive.

Y/N can´t help herself but to touch his chest right below one of his swallows. She can feel his breathing falter as she drags her hand down letting her nails softly scratch him. He hisses, shutting his eyes to focus on the warmth of her hand trying to figure out her next move. Y/N positions the camera, her index finger ready to press the button and take the picture, deciding that her other hand making a small appearance on the side would be a great final touch.

“Take the fucking photo already, Y/N. Jesus Christ.” She was also getting angsty and too touch-deprived but the idea of playing with Harry just so he would fuck her even harder was too tempting to turn down. “So eager.” Y/N taunts him before hitting the button. “Patience is a virtue, you know.”

“Fuck patience. I still have to take three more before I can fuck you properly. Give me the camera.” She hands it off to him with a sweet smile. “Take your dress off for me.”

“I don't know if I should. You didn't buy me dinner first.” Y/N tsks with her tongue.

“I think we are way past that point. And you did make me take my shirt first without dinner too. It's only fair.” “Touché.” Y/N grips the hem of her dress pulling slowly towards her head, letting the fabric fall onto the floor gracefully before her eyes go up to his face.

Harry doesn't move, taking his time to devour her with his eyes and appreciate the piece of lingerie she had on, mostly focusing on the garter belt above her lacy panties. After a long pause, he approaches her.

“Can I?” Even though he doesn't make clear what his next move is, Y/N nods, completely trusting him. Harry angles the camera to her cleavage. “I want a before and after.” “Of what?” She says before the flash goes off, her cheeks ablazing. Before she can press him to answer, she feels his hot lips suddenly kiss the sensitive skin of her neck hard. A moan escapes her lips as hands instantly fall to his hair, tugging it. Y/N thanks her past self for choosing black because if it was any lighter color, her panties would be see-through.

Harry continues nibbling and kissing her skin, lowering and exploring the area but not passing the material of the bra. It´s not night or outdoors but Y/N can see stars all around the kitchen until he takes a step back and immediately presses the button on the camera. Y/N´s chest was definitely redder and shinier from Harry´s mouth, tomorrow they would probably be more noticeable but that is the last thing in their minds.

“Can you sit on the counter for me, please? The kitchen falls quite once more and yet, the air felt heavy from the sexual tension between them. Y/N does what she is told and hisses when her naked butt touches the shivering yellow tile. She looks back at Harry, a fair distance between them, with the camera on his face. “Open´a bit for me, darlin´.”

He doesn't specify what, however, Y/N is not daft and innocent as she seems, spreading her legs so the soaked center of her underwear is exposed. Before she notices what she is doing, Y/N perks her bum pressuring her pussy against the tile releasing some of the pressure inside of her. Her body now in control, rolls her hips forward, her hands against the counter making sure she doesn´t fall, mouth opened from the satisfaction. Her mind goes blank as she gets lost in the feeling of the cold material against her cunt, forgetting about Harry and the camera for a moment.

Y/N realises what she’s done after the flash goes off for the last time and the sound of Harry´s steps move towards her. She would be embarrassed if Harry didn’t havea huge smirk plastered on his face and his cock wasn't so noticeably hard through his white pants. The urge of being wrecked by him was undeniably taking control, her core was already throbbing and needing him inside of her. The memory of it won´t do it anymore.

“I wasn't expecting that.” He says under his breath, laying the Polaroid and the photo far enough from them. Harry doesn't miss  beat, positioning himself in the middle of her legs, hands going straight for the side of her underwear. One of them travels to her mons pubis going further down, deliciously pressing both his palm and finger on ther wet overed core. Both of them hiss, Harry noticing how soaked she became for him during their “photoshoot” and Y/N from finally feeling him where she needs him before his fingers go to her waist again.

His nails grab the side of the lace material, tugging it down a bit before Harry looks at her to ask for permission only to find her already nodding.

“Fuck” Is the first thing he says after throwing her panties away from her body, mesmerized by how wet she truly became for him. His fingers subconsciously go straight to her hole, picking up her juices and spreading them over her labia.

“Harry--” Y/N whimpers as he circles her clit and buries his face in her neck, kissing it once more. Even if her mind is lost in pleasure and her arms are trembling, Y/N makes an effort to use one of them to softly grab Harry´s cock through his checkered pants wanting to give him something too. His mouth opens in an “O” shape and a loud moan gets out, his breath hitting her collarbone making her only more hungry of his response. “H-Hold me.”

Promptly, one of his arms goes around her lower back, Y/N didn't trust her body enough to not have something - or someone- holding her in place. With both of her hands free, Y/N fumbles with the front of his pants until she thinks she's found the fly and buttons. She undoes them but can´t take it out.

“Help.” In one swift motion, Harry drags both his pants and briefs down as well as pulling Y/N´s hips closer to the edge of the counter. His fingers continue to tease her cunt without properly putting them inside making Y/N go mad.

Feeling his hard cock in her hand is a heavenly sensation, she thinks. Y/N´s thumb goes to his sensitive tip, collecting the pre-cum there and smearing it down before wrapping her hands around him. Y/N wishes she wasn’t so desperate to have him inside of her so she could feel his heavy cock on her tongue and how good his faint veins would feel against her lips.

Harry´s mouth goes to hers desperately. At a glance, it just seemed like a normal sloppy and urgent kiss but both of them - if they could speak in that second- would say that it felt like their bodies were melting into one. Such an intense addictive feeling and neediness that both never experienced before.

“Please, Harry, jus-”  She whines with her forehead pressed against his, their lips only mere inches apart.

“I got it, baby.” Harry shushes her, pulling her even closer to the edge, close enough so she could push his leaking cock inside of her pussy. “Go on.”

“Shit.” Y/N moans wrapping her legs around his hips so all of his length would easily slide inside. “Fuck, Harry, fuck.” She whispers as Harry starts to thrust into her, it was the perfect snug hit, almost like his cock was meant to be hers. Y/N wraps her arms around his neck and desperately kisses him again.

“I won´t last lon-- fuck, you are so perfect, darlin´.”

“Me neither.” Y/N throws her head back as her nails scratch the back of his head. “Harder, please.”

Harry picks up the speed not wanting to prolongate their highs any longer, he needs to feel her cum around his prick now.

“C´mon, darlin´. Be a good girl and cum for me, yeah?” Y/N hums in response. “Yeah?”

She can't find enough strength to speak so she just nods her head, completely focusing on the bubbling sensation in her belly that grows exponentially. Harry continues to whisper little encouragements for her but she can't process any. The sensation is overbearing and the second her pussy starts to clench making him stop whatever sentence and moan.

“Just li-like that. Fuck.” Suddenly, her bubble bursts, if her pleasure was in control before now it completely diminished her sense of reality. Y/N´s body was shaking, her arms and legs going limp -- fortunately, Harry grabs her thighs so he can ride her orgasm down -- but it felt like she was floating away to the lilac sky. She could still hear and feel Harry´s last thrusts before he collapsed onto her.

Moments pass as if nothing else mattered. Harry´s hand goes to Y/N´s face, moving some of the hair that has fallen out of place, kissing her cheeks softly.

“Can you stay the night this time, darlin´?”