#just a tired little trans lass

[risu5waffles]

of boats and bees. bee-boats?

just playing around wiv a few things in LBP.

kind of poking at that "levels that never existed" idea, but maybe using gifs instead of video. it's a shorter window to work wiv, which has its positives and negatives for what i'm thinking, and i kinda like the crunchiness reducing things to a gif gives the scene. it's not exactly like the crunchiness of old recordings, but it has a certain feel to it.

i made some new overlays for the Streaming Pile. this one was my favourite of the lot; it's just so dang goofy lookin'. usually i use a different font for the actual videos, 'cause the thinner text gets lost so easily if there isn't a really high contrast for it (and sometimes even then, to be honest). i do like the look of this font better at the end of the day, tho'. the rear eye here is actually a couple of layers further back and offset more than it appears here. gotta love forced perspective camera tricks!

sometimes i wonder why i go through the trouble of putting together the Streaming Pile, or any of the series i was doing. there's that tension of i never wanted to be big doing any of this, but it would have been nice to have gotten a bit more recognition than i have done. like even the Streaming Pile isn't something i can just throw together wivout effort, and the older stuff could get significant in their time/energy costs. i guess i just wonder what, exactly, i do want from any of this.

[risu5waffles]

Going to Shinagawa today to wrangle wiv immigration since my name change paperwork finally got here yesterday, which to be honest, i am excited about (or at least, i'm excited by the potential result), but also gods and fish but do i hate Shinagawa. Just the walk from the station to the immigration center is going to be cold and miserable as a fuck.

Hoping things go smoothly. The had kittens when i needed the gender marker changed. They just about have kittens when you need anything from them, really. i'm doing the residence card before my passport ('cause, really, on a day-to-day my passport does sweet fuck all for my life), and if they give me grief about anything, it'll probably be that. Spent last night typing up a letter of reason kinda thing (my friend just got their name changed, and they had them write one on the spot), and it was very hard to keep the tone of "oh for fucks sakes, lets just be done wiv this" from creeping in. It probably did regradless, polite Japanese is still very much not my forte (vaguely understandable mangled Japanese is generally the best i can hope to aim for).

Right. i ought to start getting ready. Wanna be there right on the dot, 'cause i've still got about a dozen other things to do today too.

[risu5waffles]

so… i guess we’re doing this then. got through check-in and security, which is always my biggest worry wiv air travel. i always expect i forgot to dot some i or cross some t, and that’s me fucked. hasn’t happened yet, but that doesn’t make me any less nervous.

i feel better than last night; heck, i feel better than i did a few hours ago. that might be the exhaustion. i didn’t sleep hardly at all. if i’m lucky, i’ll be able to fold myself into some queer origami and get some sleep on the plane. that’s had about a 75% success rate, but there’s not really enough data to extrapolate from.

anyhoot, nothing but waiting a few hours now. gate’s close to one of the few smoking corners in this joint, so at least there’s that. i’ve got a paper for the crossword, and jillybeans sent me a copy of Cuckoo for my birthday (tho’ i wanna save that for the flight), so that should be me sorted.

[risu5waffles]

i need a signature notarized on a letter i need to get the documents i need to get identification proving my signature is actually mine. i feel like if there’s anywhere the world wants to throw a spanner in my works, this is as likely a place as any.

[risu5waffles]

i am so tired, but i got wrapped up in making a useless neat thing, and next thing you know, ope, it's midnight.

i thought it would be neat to see if i could actually get that scanline effect from before to work wiv an animation, and the answer is yes, but the setup is an immense pain in the arse.

still, i really like how it turned out, and it makes a nice little community logo.

dang, but i've really got to sleep now, let me tell you.

[risu5waffles]

[LBP - drawing board] bumpin' bumpers

so, wiv today being a crummy wash, when i got back, i worked on inconsequential stuff that kinda needed doing, but not really. the glitch effect here really wasn't necessary, since i can get the same effect wiv a ShareFactory filter, but i had the idea, and i knew it would be simple in execution, but time consuming and fiddly to set up. that kind of work is good for a bad mood, needing decompression kinda day.

i really like how it turned out, even if its application is extremely limited. basically just objects i can slice thin wivout the seams showing, and it only works when i can film flat on like this. so, stuff that works wiv sticker panels primarily. good for pixel art like here. i could probably do it wiv (very) simple animated pixel art panels, but there'd be a lot of wiring involved, and i have a lot of patience for that kind of thing, but never enough time. but, now that i know it works, it's something i can keep in my back pocket.

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don't know if i mentioned this, but i did get an appointment to the Embassy, but it's for tomorrow. so, i'll have to take another day off work, and while anytime away from work is worthwhile, my paycheck is going to look pretty ugly come January 25th.

also, that means another morning train, and i don't even want to think about it.

i just ate a carrot, and it was delish.

[risu5waffles]

[LBP - drawing board] a (wire)frame job

i really like how the wireframe beasties turned out, even if the flying ones are wonk as heck. it's not such a big deal, since this isn't a level-level, but it irks me a bit all the same.

all the logic here is remarkably simple, and is mostly kludged together bits of things i've used elsewhere. simple enough i could throw the schematics together at work to kill time.

as generally happens, after recording and editing the video, i realized in the shower, and too late to change anything, there's an easier firing mechanism if i just put in some AND gates. i should have mentioned that in the video (since i hadn't done the final edit to put in the text overlays), but by then i was just dogs tired and wanted to get to bed.

still, i'm happy wiv the basics, and it might be a fun thing to copy into another crater by itself (it's in a level wiv all the other Cloth Gear Solid stuff right now) and build it up into an actual level as a stream project, even if no one could play it but me. i suppose i could rebuild the whole thing in PS3 LBP3 and pub it on Refresh, but that's more than i have in me at the mo'.

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have to start getting ready to go out in a second, which feels unfair seeing as it's my day off, and only 6am yet. my folks sent me some christmas money, and it should be just enough to cover passport processing fees, so i'm gonna schlep over to the Embassy and get that sorted. want anything to do wiv the US Fed at least started before fucko-fasho gets sworn in. Embassy doesn't actually open doors until 8.30a, but i want to get some eggs at denny's and fill out the paperwork before, and it's a bit of a hike to get there anyways.

hopefully this will go semi-smooth and wivout too much wait and hassle; i've got a whole boatload of other shite i need to be getting done today.

[risu5waffles]

Oh, right, it’s the don’t run the mike and heater at the same time as the exhaust fan time of year again.

Whee

[risu5waffles]

The thing that gets me about the whole name thing, is how little a fuck anyone meatspace-side has given, outside my one friend who’s trans and queer as a three dollar bill themself.

The one gal i’m kinda friendly wiv at work managed an “oh, ok,” my boss-adjacent just gave me a blank “why are you telling me this” look, which, first, i’d thought we were on good terms, but second, like, she’ll be handling all the paperwork for payroll and insurance changes, so… a “thanks for the heads up” would still have been disappointing, but it would have been appropriate.

Everyone else at work just ignores me anyways since senpai quit, so i wasn’t really expecting anything there.

Even da, late in the process, was still “do you really need to get this done,” and “why is this so important anyway?” He did at least email me back when I’d found out the change had been approved. “Fantastic!” Which, i dunno, that was it. If it was gonna be one word, at least it was positive i guess?

‘s like, this is a huge milestone that took a year of active chipping away at and a trip all the way back to the States, y’ know? And ain’t no one hardly gets it.

Which makes me appreciate my online community even more, but sometimes that’s a thin soup when i’m out in the world, aye?

[risu5waffles]

more silly useless practice

still poking around wiv green screen stuffs. i learned an important lesson, which is not to have the greenscreen move around so damned much. so, so many keyframes. and i still missed a couple when it was bobbing up and down. also, camera changes wiv corner pins are the fucking worst, tho' i hadn't intended for that bit of practice. shoulda used a movie camera instead of a game camera; i probably fucked up the zone, and getting close to the edge was making the camera shift.

it's weird learning to do something, and not have anything really to do wiv it. like deepdiving on scrimshaw or something.

whatever. i guess i'm having fun, and given how shite everything else is at the mo', i suppose there're worse ways i could use my time.

[risu5waffles]

sleeps

things have been rough around here, but, like, they always kinda are. money got tight at the end of last paycheck (shouldna gone out to see those movies, lol!), tight enough i had to go the last couple of days wivout smoking. as you can (might be able to? are you a smoker? i kinda hope not) imagine, that kicked my sleep schedule right in the fucking teeth.

i wake up every hour on the hour now.

i don't really sleep in the in between.

but payday was friday. so i got my money.

paid my rent. my bills. budgeted out for food.

i'll have 1000yen a week until next payday (that's 6.57 in US dollaridoos, for those of y'all what don't need to care about exchange rates).

guess i've quit smoking then.

guess i'll have to push out my doc appointment until end of next month, and hope i don't run out of ooze.

i suppose i can ration it. it won't kill me.

i cried a bit, which was a success of sorts. last time i cried i don't remember. last year? before going on e, i'm pretty sure. i was getting a bit worried; you know, like, everyone goes on about crying being easier, and sometimes i'd wonder if i'd wound up broken somehow.

anyway, as a brick, i view metaphor and subtlety as afterthought. i know writers what trade in nuance, and they are cowards, as it's said. was working the register the other, and i had the thought "it's like drowning, but wivout the benefit of actually being allowed to die," and there you go. mallets are more delicate.

this was, roundabout, a three hour build? i'd mocked up some of the logic and set yesterday morning, but hadn't really liked how it was working up, so i got home and redid the whole thing. not really from scratch, as i'd been thinking about the logic most the day already.

i mostly like how it turned out. there are ultimately limits on what i can do and how i can present using LBP as a base palette, but yeah. the character animation worked out really nicely (chronos is right, the drowning animation is really kinda grisly the longer you leave it hang at the end), though i wasn't really able to get the lighting quite where i wanted it. the water in the tank is nicely darkened at the beginning of the cycle, but the lighting around and wivin it feels a bit iffy, like it needed a lil more time in the oven. by the time i got to where it felt printable tho', i was well exhausted.

was, like, i'm really gonna finally sleep this time.

lol

[risu5waffles]

[risu5waffles]

song 2 slow

well, at least i figured out one way around SME's copyright bots

was in a mood to keep picking away at an idea. if i were going to do something more wiv this, i probably wouldn't set it up as one long contiguous level chunk, but just the bits that would be in the gif, and then play wiv the cameras to hide the edges. i had that sea bit left over from a stream a month or so back, tho', so, like, while we're in the just playing around wiv ideas stage, figure i may as well use it.

i don't know why playing around wiv The Islands kit weirds me out so much less than, like, The Savannah or The Temples. it's just as vaguely gesturing to reality via stereotypes as those are, and the history of Britain in China (and the US in Japan, natch) is just as shitty.

anyway, had fun putting this together. kinda wish the box ninja didn't drift to the right so much when they hop, and if i were making a level level, i'd probably want something like a piston there instead of relying on their normal jump, but this worked well enough for a short effect.

at any rate, it's dinner time, and i missed breakfast, so i ought to get to that. i'm real dang hungry.

[risu5waffles]

the things and the stuffs

i got this idea in my head at work, and so that's what i wound up having to do when i got home. turned out pretty well, i think? i could have added more patterns to the grid, but i was getting pretty tired by the end.

i haven't really done any doodling for myself in LBP recently. i mean, there're the photo projects, but those are pretty directed. kind of the same wiv create-on-stream. like, don't get me wrong, i love all of that, but it's all more, like, i've got a purpose wiv those, you know? not, like, huh i wonder if X does Y wiv Q, since it does wiv Z, if that makes any sense.

i don't know. i'm on a bit of a mental stability upswing since the hell that was last week, but i'm also really tired at the mo', and i think my brainmeats are a bit sloppy right now.

[risu5waffles]

Hey folx, hate to call off last minute, but i’m not even finished wiv work, and i’m exhausted. Gonna take tonight (that’s Feb 1st gmt+9 if you’re reading from the future) off from stream, i think?

We ought to be fine for tomorrow providing i actually sleep-sleep tonight. We’ll run Dark Cloud 2 instead of LBP to keep the game moving forward.

Anyhoot, sorry again. Hope y’all are well. Stay safe and have a wonderful day!

[risu5waffles]

excerpt from doctor's visit

Doc: So... your estrogen is very high. Way too high.

Me: Hokay. Is that a problem?

Doc: No~~o

Me: But it's too high.

Doc: Way too high.

Me: See, you're using "way too high" not in conjunction wiv "this is a problem," and i find that confusing to the point of concern. Well, is there anything i should do?

Doc: Stop smoking. Not right now, but you have to stop smoking.

Me: And this will help wiv my estrogen being "way too high"?

Doc: Not at all. Smoking is just really bad for you.

Me <inside head voice>: Do you want me to stab you? Is that what this is? 'cause this is how people wind up getting stabbed.