#just a tired little trans lass

[risu5waffles]

of boats and bees. bee-boats?

just playing around wiv a few things in LBP.

kind of poking at that "levels that never existed" idea, but maybe using gifs instead of video. it's a shorter window to work wiv, which has its positives and negatives for what i'm thinking, and i kinda like the crunchiness reducing things to a gif gives the scene. it's not exactly like the crunchiness of old recordings, but it has a certain feel to it.

i made some new overlays for the Streaming Pile. this one was my favourite of the lot; it's just so dang goofy lookin'. usually i use a different font for the actual videos, 'cause the thinner text gets lost so easily if there isn't a really high contrast for it (and sometimes even then, to be honest). i do like the look of this font better at the end of the day, tho'. the rear eye here is actually a couple of layers further back and offset more than it appears here. gotta love forced perspective camera tricks!

sometimes i wonder why i go through the trouble of putting together the Streaming Pile, or any of the series i was doing. there's that tension of i never wanted to be big doing any of this, but it would have been nice to have gotten a bit more recognition than i have done. like even the Streaming Pile isn't something i can just throw together wivout effort, and the older stuff could get significant in their time/energy costs. i guess i just wonder what, exactly, i do want from any of this.

[risu5waffles]

so… i guess we’re doing this then. got through check-in and security, which is always my biggest worry wiv air travel. i always expect i forgot to dot some i or cross some t, and that’s me fucked. hasn’t happened yet, but that doesn’t make me any less nervous.

i feel better than last night; heck, i feel better than i did a few hours ago. that might be the exhaustion. i didn’t sleep hardly at all. if i’m lucky, i’ll be able to fold myself into some queer origami and get some sleep on the plane. that’s had about a 75% success rate, but there’s not really enough data to extrapolate from.

anyhoot, nothing but waiting a few hours now. gate’s close to one of the few smoking corners in this joint, so at least there’s that. i’ve got a paper for the crossword, and jillybeans sent me a copy of Cuckoo for my birthday (tho’ i wanna save that for the flight), so that should be me sorted.

[risu5waffles]

more silly useless practice

still poking around wiv green screen stuffs. i learned an important lesson, which is not to have the greenscreen move around so damned much. so, so many keyframes. and i still missed a couple when it was bobbing up and down. also, camera changes wiv corner pins are the fucking worst, tho' i hadn't intended for that bit of practice. shoulda used a movie camera instead of a game camera; i probably fucked up the zone, and getting close to the edge was making the camera shift.

it's weird learning to do something, and not have anything really to do wiv it. like deepdiving on scrimshaw or something.

whatever. i guess i'm having fun, and given how shite everything else is at the mo', i suppose there're worse ways i could use my time.

[risu5waffles]

sleeps

things have been rough around here, but, like, they always kinda are. money got tight at the end of last paycheck (shouldna gone out to see those movies, lol!), tight enough i had to go the last couple of days wivout smoking. as you can (might be able to? are you a smoker? i kinda hope not) imagine, that kicked my sleep schedule right in the fucking teeth.

i wake up every hour on the hour now.

i don't really sleep in the in between.

but payday was friday. so i got my money.

paid my rent. my bills. budgeted out for food.

i'll have 1000yen a week until next payday (that's 6.57 in US dollaridoos, for those of y'all what don't need to care about exchange rates).

guess i've quit smoking then.

guess i'll have to push out my doc appointment until end of next month, and hope i don't run out of ooze.

i suppose i can ration it. it won't kill me.

i cried a bit, which was a success of sorts. last time i cried i don't remember. last year? before going on e, i'm pretty sure. i was getting a bit worried; you know, like, everyone goes on about crying being easier, and sometimes i'd wonder if i'd wound up broken somehow.

anyway, as a brick, i view metaphor and subtlety as afterthought. i know writers what trade in nuance, and they are cowards, as it's said. was working the register the other, and i had the thought "it's like drowning, but wivout the benefit of actually being allowed to die," and there you go. mallets are more delicate.

this was, roundabout, a three hour build? i'd mocked up some of the logic and set yesterday morning, but hadn't really liked how it was working up, so i got home and redid the whole thing. not really from scratch, as i'd been thinking about the logic most the day already.

i mostly like how it turned out. there are ultimately limits on what i can do and how i can present using LBP as a base palette, but yeah. the character animation worked out really nicely (chronos is right, the drowning animation is really kinda grisly the longer you leave it hang at the end), though i wasn't really able to get the lighting quite where i wanted it. the water in the tank is nicely darkened at the beginning of the cycle, but the lighting around and wivin it feels a bit iffy, like it needed a lil more time in the oven. by the time i got to where it felt printable tho', i was well exhausted.

was, like, i'm really gonna finally sleep this time.

lol

[risu5waffles]

[risu5waffles]

song 2 slow

well, at least i figured out one way around SME's copyright bots

was in a mood to keep picking away at an idea. if i were going to do something more wiv this, i probably wouldn't set it up as one long contiguous level chunk, but just the bits that would be in the gif, and then play wiv the cameras to hide the edges. i had that sea bit left over from a stream a month or so back, tho', so, like, while we're in the just playing around wiv ideas stage, figure i may as well use it.

i don't know why playing around wiv The Islands kit weirds me out so much less than, like, The Savannah or The Temples. it's just as vaguely gesturing to reality via stereotypes as those are, and the history of Britain in China (and the US in Japan, natch) is just as shitty.

anyway, had fun putting this together. kinda wish the box ninja didn't drift to the right so much when they hop, and if i were making a level level, i'd probably want something like a piston there instead of relying on their normal jump, but this worked well enough for a short effect.

at any rate, it's dinner time, and i missed breakfast, so i ought to get to that. i'm real dang hungry.

[risu5waffles]

the things and the stuffs

i got this idea in my head at work, and so that's what i wound up having to do when i got home. turned out pretty well, i think? i could have added more patterns to the grid, but i was getting pretty tired by the end.

i haven't really done any doodling for myself in LBP recently. i mean, there're the photo projects, but those are pretty directed. kind of the same wiv create-on-stream. like, don't get me wrong, i love all of that, but it's all more, like, i've got a purpose wiv those, you know? not, like, huh i wonder if X does Y wiv Q, since it does wiv Z, if that makes any sense.

i don't know. i'm on a bit of a mental stability upswing since the hell that was last week, but i'm also really tired at the mo', and i think my brainmeats are a bit sloppy right now.

[risu5waffles]

Hey folx, hate to call off last minute, but i’m not even finished wiv work, and i’m exhausted. Gonna take tonight (that’s Feb 1st gmt+9 if you’re reading from the future) off from stream, i think?

We ought to be fine for tomorrow providing i actually sleep-sleep tonight. We’ll run Dark Cloud 2 instead of LBP to keep the game moving forward.

Anyhoot, sorry again. Hope y’all are well. Stay safe and have a wonderful day!

[risu5waffles]

excerpt from doctor's visit

Doc: So... your estrogen is very high. Way too high.

Me: Hokay. Is that a problem?

Doc: No~~o

Me: But it's too high.

Doc: Way too high.

Me: See, you're using "way too high" not in conjunction wiv "this is a problem," and i find that confusing to the point of concern. Well, is there anything i should do?

Doc: Stop smoking. Not right now, but you have to stop smoking.

Me: And this will help wiv my estrogen being "way too high"?

Doc: Not at all. Smoking is just really bad for you.

Me <inside head voice>: Do you want me to stab you? Is that what this is? 'cause this is how people wind up getting stabbed.

[risu5waffles]

one dot in bureaucromancy

i don't even have the one dot. i do have Broken Bird Syndrome (demerit, 1point, people refuse to see you as a functioning adult, but don't blame you for it, "she's just... kind of sad. and slow. help her Jeanie.") that i can swap in for a dot in a related skill check, at the cost of never being taken seriously. it's more of a curse than you think.

but, all the paperwork is in for the name change, and it should be decided in a few months, and let's just hope there's no snags, and i don't have to pick things up in person, 'cause, like, it'll be years at best before i get back to the US again.

we also got the driver's license kind of sorted. there was a hold that'll take a few days to kink out, on account of i never got a vision test when i got it renewed last, on account of i was in Japan, and also, covid. people were still taking covid seriously then. i asked, as an aside, you know, just, like, making conversation, if i could get the sex designation on the license changed, on account of my passport being F-status and all, like, you know, ha ha, no pressure, but it would be good to have them match. you know? and the gal there was, like, "oh yeah, just check F there. no proof necessary." <blink> <blink blink> <BSoD> Oh, right, i'm just checking box F then, like a completely normal gal what should have F on her driver's license.

folx, what the hell?

like, i'm no gonna complain, 'cause, you know, of course i'm not gonna, but... like... it was just that easy?

so i should have that on Monday, which... maybe actually Tuesday, on account of the holiday? not sure how that'll hash out. they said Monday, but... whatever. i'd like to have it in hand, 'cause you can't walk anywhere from my parent's place. aside from the cemetery. which, yes, bitchin', but also, they don't sell smokes there. that's a problem.

[risu5waffles]

alright. i’m here and slept six whole hours.

i am still exhausted.

but not, as it were, dead.

[risu5waffles]

Right, in Dallas & waiting for connecting. Have to say, humanity needs to bite the bullet & rock up teleportation, or go back to blimps, ‘cause air travel as it exists now fucking sucks.

Feel like someone’s cored out my eyesocket and packed it wiv bleach-soaked cotton & Brillo.

Didn’t really get much reading in, just too uncomfortable, but i did finally get to watch Abigail, which… wasn’t particularly good, and i semi-watched /semi-dozed thru Boy Kills World, which was… also not particularly good, but in different ways.

[risu5waffles]

Typhoon season is here and it is pouring sheets. Well, it was. Now it’s just heavy rain and darkness at 10a. This picture is inaccurate in that i am not, in fact, hanging wiv a cardboard beastie-bestie, but am instead bored to my tits at work.

[risu5waffles]

movie night

spent the day stumbling around Akiba, don't know that i got any pictures worth a tinker's damn, but who knows. it also means i don't need to go back to Akiba for a good while, and that's always worth it.

treated myself to Perfect Blue, and that was nice. and, come to think of it, probably an appropriate bookend to the day. i was surprised at how much of the spoken dialogue i was able to follow, disappointed at how much i missed, so a mixed bag there. still, it was cool to see on the big(-ish, the theatre isn't a big, big screen, but still a lot bigger than watching on a telly) screen; it's still, even just visually and in direction, a fantastic movie. also, it was kind of neat to hear motifs in the score that would show up in Paranoia Agent later.

i've never been in an operating public bath, not in The Before, and certainly not now. i'm not entirely sure that i'd want to go, but i can't exactly say if that's because of the obvious, or that the idea of bathing in front of other people just isn't something that appeals to me. i'm not even sure there's a meaningful distinction between the two, at least not on a functional level.

i did have the opportunity to demolish a few when we were tearing down that waste treatment plant. i don't know why they had shared baths; there didn't seem to be dormitory facilities. a lot had been torn out already before they called in our two person crew tho', so it's hard to say. at any rate, they weren't as nice as any i've seen in media, but that's usually how it goes. i remember them being a pain in the arse to rip everything out of, tho'.

that whole job was just a giant pain in the arse top to bottom tho'.

i tell you, there are less fun things to do than pulling light fixtures out of office ceilings, and you've got to strip the nuts out wiv your bare fingers, in the middle of February, and there ain't any gods-be-damned windows, and sweet crippled christ but your fingers are cold and cut up and raw. anyways, there're less fun things than that, but that's still not exactly funtimes at the beach.

anyway, got away from myself a bit. the picture turned out nice enough, so i can't complain. i think i might have had the fog settings cranked a bit too much, which worked fine using the set for reviews, but has the picture looking a bit more washed out than i'd have otherwise wanted. that's something to keep in mind for future pictures.

there won't be any backstage video for this one. i put the set together... gosh, last year, the year before? so the setup for the picture here wouldn't really be much to watch. mostly just putting in the characters and getting the camera right. i guess there was figuring out how to get the soap suds for the two washing their hair in the back, but that wasn't really much of a much.

anyhoot, i'm deadtired. 's been a long day on top of a bunch of long days, and i'm going to sleep like corpses do. full of worms and rot.

[risu5waffles]

holy fucking shitfuck shite, dang, fuckity fuck it is so humid

work didn't put me on the schedule a day earlier than they were supposed to not put me on the schedule, so i dragged my silly arse down there and they were like "bitch (/affectionate), why are you here? You're not on today." While i was looking pointedly at the dry-erase that has my vacation deets clearly written on it. and they was, like, "ope. Well, what'd'you wanna do?" and being the responsible adult that i am, which is to say more responsible for my immediate mental health than my near-future fiscal health, i was all "fuck this noise, i'm headin' home" (/politely translated)

so i dragged my silly arse back home, and i walked in the door like i'd just stepped out the shower. just, head to toe slick and wet. not even the fun kinda slick and wet. even more "please, but not to be having anything to be touching me i exist wivout shape or form, i am like unto vapour, s'il vous plait" (/sans french)

which leaves me in the position of i ain't got a gods-be-damned thing to do today. i was going to see Perfect Blue tonight, but the only showing is 7p, and that's a whole ass eleven hours to kill, and i'm glad i won't be spending it in the misery that is my job, but i need to do something else i'll just gin the time up into the misery of "i should be doing something, why am i not doing something."

maybe i'll swing out to Akiba. i've a couple of sets that are wanting backing photos, and that might be the place to get them. but, you know, like, return to top, see line one.

[risu5waffles]

this is just a sped up run through the backstage of my project for chronos. i put in some photo references so you can see what i was working toward, but otherwise no big shakes or nuffink.

i found out you can take/export screenshots as pngs from the base ps4, which was neat to learn. unfortunately i found out after wrapping this one up, and i have to fight the urge to go back in and retake the overlay shots and redo the picture, you know, in case it makes it _better_. which it might, and it might not make for a lot of difference; i am really happy wiv how it turned out. it's just that urge to dicky wiv things if you know you can dicky wiv them, like, just in case?

honestly, as much as i've been enjoying doing these, i really should slow down and back off a bit. i know at least half of my investment is that it's an understandable project that produces (semi-)tangible results, and i'm in a period where i particularly feel a loss of control and an absence of direction, so i throw myself into something i do get as a distraction. i have enough trouble (read here: zero success in) wrangling my brainmeats to focus on what we need to focus on, and this really isn't going to help.

also, while i did spend a solid chunk of today sleeping, the bits where i wasn't, i was working on another one of these. which, like, today was going to be fucked for getting things done anyway, but i might have been better served just doing nothing at low battery and trying to recharge.