#just a little collection of some of my favourite scenes of theirs <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[kathlenas]

NICK & NOAH in CULPA MÍA (2023)

[inessencedevided]

The Untamed, episode 43 - watching notes

The sun is setting on this show for me and I'm not ready to say goodbye yet 😔

(As if I will! Ha. Imma blog about nothing else the next ... probably years)

Last time on Sophie watches the untamed: We're still in the restricted section. The twin love-struck idiots of lan and wwx found the Collection of turmoil and suspect Jin Guangyao of intentionally bringing about Nie Mingjue's qui deviation.

As much as I love the "hihi. Wwx is wearing his boyfriend's underrobe" aspect of this, I also like the visual incorporation of lwj's colour scheme into wwx's clothes. (Not just through the undertone, his black tone also has slight grey seam.) It's as if now that they are finally fully committed to each other, wwx is displaying it for all the world to see

Jin Guangyao tore out a page to hide the evidence. That's not how to do that!!!

My heart is breaking for Lan Xichen. He looks like a man standing on a train track and watching the light speed towards him in horror while he's unable to move away

Feels like exactly no one on this show is getting their happy ending

*thinks about yi city and cries forever*😭😭😭

"Wangji, Jin Guangyao,in my eyes, is a totally different person from how you and other people see him." And we all know that lwj knows exactly what that's like

PARALLELS! 😭

(Sorry, I have a thing for those)

And lwj looks so pained

Thinking about it, it's now the man lwj loves against the man lxc loves (in whatever way. I still ship them. Not sure if its "canonically" romantic though). They can't both be right, so ... one of them is going to get their heart broken

Great, first the Yunmeng brothers, now the lan brothers are breaking my heart 🥺

Lwj says he's visiting "Grand Master", that's Lan Qiren right? What happened to him anyway? Haven't seen him in ages

I love how, even though it is wwx's word against jgy's right now, lan Xichen is still genuinely kind towards wwx

The whipping scars! I hadn't even thought about those anymore 😳

I'm probably going to get my heart ripped out soon, but before that

"You are not qualified to talk to me."

Sickest. Burn. Ever.

Also, no disrespect to the actor, but that's a backpfeifengesicht if I've ever seen one

(Backpfeifengesicht: "German compound word for a 'face that should be slapped'. Ex:. When GWB smirks on TV, my German friend Uwe tells me that he sees a 'Backpfeifengesicht'." Urban dictionary)

He went to burial mount after wwx was killed??? 🥺🥺🥺

I've noticed something with lwj. When he's distressed, he won't look people in the eye or not even at their faces, just in their very general direction. To me it seems like he almost... can't? Any thoughts on that? Cause I'm intrigued but I can't think about it too much right now cause I'm already writing half an essay in this commentary again 😅

Oh fuck YOU Jiggy!!!

Holy shit ... holy shit

Lan Wangji 🥺🥺🥺

He fought against everyone?

This is how he showed his grieve???

He went to the place wei Wuxian had called home and ... what? Protected or ot so they wouldn't desecrate it? To search for him? To ... what?

Oh god, Wangji! 😭

That image... I'm speechless. It's so powerful

He's half-mad with grieve and kneeling in the ruins of his dead loves home, having fought himself to exhaustion and I'm... not okay 😭😭😭

He had to repent for THREE YEARS??

Oh no, you don't

Holy ...

Holy shit

How can my heart break and be so full at the same time 💔🥺

Lan Wangji ... my love

I'm ... so proud of him and yet so sad

Here he is at his lowest, finally standing up to the orthodoxy he knows to be wrong

This is inhumane 😳

The corporal punishment of the lan sect always was but THIS

Fuck them

Or Lan Qiren specifically

That's his nephew. How can he even look at himself?

"Eradicate evil. Establish laws. Than goodness will be everlasting."

IT'S NOT THAT FUCKING EASY!!!

WHAT EVEN IS "GOODNESS"? WHOSE VERSION OF GOODNESS? DEVINE EVIL! HOW FAR REACHING INTO THE PRIVATE SVERE SHOULD THUSE LAWS BE? DOES IT STOP AT "DON'T STEAL FROM PEOPLE OR AT "DON'T PICK YOUR NOSE AT DINNER"?

what I'm saying is: there are about 200 ethical question ls being raised by this rule alone!

And now lan Wangji had 3 tears to contemplate them

Wwx asking "why would he bother ...?" BECAUSE YOU ARE LOVED YOU GODDAMN IDIOT!!

Ohhh! We're getting their parents' story 😱

Oh this IS a Lan episode 💙

So another Lan falling quickly and never looking back?

I'm sensing a pattern here 🤨

Wait what?

Let me get this straight:

Their father loved a woman who DID NOT love him back and then killed one of his teachers

(And I hope we find out why. That sounds like there is a REALLY interesting story there)

Then he takes her to cloud recess and DESPIT HER NOT LOVING HIM, marries her, fathers two children with her (um... how voluntary was that????) locks her up (as punishment for the murder?) then locks HIMSELF up and then fucks of and leaves his children with their uncle

What kind of disaster human being was their dad????

Did he do the right thing WHEN HE MARRIED AND PROBABLY RAPED A WOMAN WHO DIDN'T LOVE HIM???

NO!!!

The fuck kinda question is that ??

If you have to marry her against her will and then lock her up, guess what? That's not love, that's wanting to possess someone

I hope that maybe the connotation is different in the og Chinese,but I'm not holding out much hope

That explains why Qiren is such a lovely character through 😒

But god, my heart breaks for lwj and lxc :'(

Little Lan Wangji!!! 🥺🥺🥺

Oh darling ...

Oh no ...

Look at him look at his crooked little headband😭😭😭

He went there every month!!!

Oh Wangji 💔💔

Stubborn, steadfast, loving Wangji!

That seals it. I KNEW why he was my favourite character

He isn't so passive all the time, because he feels too little! He feels entirely too much!!! 😭😭😭

And that explains why lwj was so worried about wwx's demonic cultivation harming him!!! 😭

Oh god, it was such an old hurt for him. I had no idea 🥺🥺🥺

All of these characters need a therapist

Lxc playing the flute to what ... deal with his emotions? Express his grieve? Remeber their mother? (And god, do I want to know more about her!!) Either way, It's making me tear up 😥

"It's so difficult to determine others personalities depending on our perspective." Welcome to the human condition, my friend 💙

And that's love

I ... wish I could show you my face right now

I'm smiling through tears right now

It's so utterly beautiful

He looks so vulnerable here! With his hair (almost) down

And given what we've just learned, that's remarkable!!!

He closed himself off became the immovable stone-faced second Jade of Lan and yet, somehow, wwx wormed his way into his heart and sure, both of them needed to overcome a lot, but here they are, vulnerable and open,not letting their parent's fate decide theirs

I'm... *sniff*

I can never get enough of lwj with his hair like this!!

It's so domestic, so soft

And look at his face! 😭

And mister "alcohol is prohibited" is now serving it 😭

Oh my god this scene is so beautiful

I'm speechless

Was the second flute Jin Guangyao as well?

At this point I'm just expecting more plot-twists

He looks so young! 🥺

Both of them are exhibiting so much growth in this episode!! Wwx realising that the fact that the cultivation world had always looked for a scapegoat and that he himself was just the most convenient target, that it's not to any personal failing of his, that's HUGE!

And I'm so proud of him :')

Lwj starting to play in the distance :')

This is so utterly peaceful

My heart is bursting 😭😭😭

The music, the scenery ...

Also, both thinking they have a clean conscious!!! 😭😭😭

Again, it's them holding the same morals that's important! I cannot tell you how happy that makes me!

(But wwx still cannot drink like a normal person :D)

The contrast to lxc sitting alone couldn't be starker 😔

Wait, why are there puppets at burial mounds again?

Are we going back to burial mounds? I'm weirdly excited 😅

Aaand Jin Guangyao just proved to them that he's lying. Poor Xichen

Yup, I'm pretty sure his heart just snapped in half

Little Apple!!! I've missed him 😁

Gosh, they're laying it on thick with the domestic husband bliss this episode and I'm here for it.

I love lwj's soft smile when he looks at bunnies so much!! 🥰

Bunnies, bunnies everywhere

It's the invasion of the bunnies

Who ever is the show runner *banging pots and pans together* IT'S GAY!! cab you all hear me? These two love each other! It's G - A - Y!!! Gay!!!

Probably

Lwj's shocked look when wwx says that he's not popular with little animals, as if to say "how dare they!" :D

Holy shit ... HOW MANY SCENES CAN THEY INCLUDE IN THIS EPISODE THAT MAKE THEM LOOK SO GODDAMN MARRIED???

Is wwx sitting side saddle?

Wwx plays wangxian :')

He finally remembers how lwj recognized him :')

Sneaky, show, very sneaky :D

Wwx about to casually steal some melons, lwj *wordlessly takes out money* ^^

MIANMIAN!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!

I'd given up hope that we'd see her again!!!

I'm so happy I could burst!!!

Lwj's little exasperated head-shake before he stands up from crouching behind some hay 😂

Aww, look at her family! 😍😍😍

She build her own live :')

And look at this badass woman protecting the ones she loves!!!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME WEI WUXIAN??? You don't remember her???

You better remember my wife!!!

Aaand another freeze frame. But I'm willing to forgive it because THIS EPISODE WAS SO GODDAMN BRILLIANT!

It made me realise why I was so drawn to lan Wangji as a character. Of course he is mu favourite character! He ticks every single box

Let me explain. My favourite characters almost always share the following characteristics: seems either cold and distant or ethereal and aloof, as if they are above such puny human things like feelings™️(bonus if they're actually not human and their argument is "I'm [insert species]. We can't feel [insert emotion they are definetly feeling very strongly]"). then, over the course of the story, we (along with they themselves because they were in denial) discover that it's not that they feel too little, they feel entirely too much. They're a sea of emotions so deep that the surface is calm, but don't you dare be near them when the storm is coming because all hell will break loose. (extra bonus point if that storm involves them rebelling against the oppressive society they were born into and adhered to until then because they realise their consciousness won't allow it any longer.) afterwards they realise that making themselves vulnerable once in a while is actually a good thing and they proceed to fuck the Rebel™️ who they've secretly been in love with the entire time, a feeling they only now allow themselves to act on

The last part sadly isn't always canon, but who has ever had time for that?

You know what this episode made me realise most of all? The Lan sect are just as human as the rest of them. In fact, they seem to be especially prone to acting rashly on strong emotions. (I don't remember the exact story, but didn't the founder of the Lan sect also have some kind of tragic love story?) It should be obvious, but the impression you get is that they are so detached from their wants, so rigorous and disciplined in their righteousness, that they are almost super-human. But no. Thise 3000 and some rules? They weren't born out of some enlightened mind that had the secret of live figures out, they're a crutch. Abiding by them without question rids one of responsibility to make even the tiniest moral choice for oneself. But that won't work because a) they're bounty to contradict each other at some point and b) that's not how human beings work. They're messy and unpredictable and beautifully complicated. The way Lan Qiren choses to apply them, he completely disregards that. At that point, the rules aren't there anymore to grant a harmonious society, but simply for their own sake. (Or maybe as a wall to hide behind)

@sweetlittlevampire @fandom-glazed @elenirlachlagos @allhailthedramallama @luckymoony @kyrrahbird @i-love-him-on-purpose

I think this liveblog has been the longest so far. I'm sorry for going on so many tangents, but lwj's backstory hit me really hard. I hope you guys weren't too bored 💚

(I also apologise for the mountains of typos that probably accumulated in this post. I'm too tired to check.)

[give-emhalekid]

Put your music on shuffle and answer the questions about each artist!

I was tagged by: @awstn

Name of Artist: With Confidence

What genre are they? Pop Punk 

How long have they been active? 2012?

Have you ever heard them on the radio? Nope

Have they released any new music within the last year or two? They put out an album (Love and Loathing) last year

Do they have a male or female vocalist? Two males

Name of Artist: As It Is

Would you recommend them? to literally everyone

What is your favourite lyric of theirs? oooooh fuck… there’s so many good ones. “Life is agony but worth it all the same” from The Two Tongues (Screaming Salvation) hit me like a ton of bricks the first time I heard it, though

What are their album artworks like? Varied. They fit the overall feels of the albums very well

If they stopped making music, would you be sad? I’d be completely devastated

If you didn’t know what they look like, based off their music, what you guess they looked like? Hearing The Great Depression, I’d probably guess that they look exactly like they currently do (emo). Okay. era I’d probably assume that they still just looked like a pop punk band. And for Never Happy, I’d probably also guess pretty close.

Name of Artist: All Time Low

How popular are they? they’re regarded as one of the bigger, more important, older(ish) bands in the scene, and they’ve gotten some decent mainstream attention I think

Have you ever seen them perform live? 3 times

How did you find out about them? So one of my friends listened to them when we were in middle school but I didn’t start listening to them until I was in high school, and it was probably because I saw posts about them on here

What is their sexuality, if known? Straight to my knowledge (but they sure do like to kiss boys)

Is their music easy to dance to? yeah they’ve got some bops

Name of Artist: Set It Off

What instrument is the most prominent in their music? probably drums, guitars, or synth. It varies. They also play a lot of the horn parts themselves and those are featured pretty often

Does your family listen to them? my mom and my little sister adore them

Are they still making music today? They released anew album two days ago! stream midnight by set it off

Would you want to meet them? I have and they’re all such sweethearts

How represented is this artist in your saved music/collection? I have all their CDs and their entire available discography saved on both spotify and iTunes

Name of Artist: I Don’t Know How But They Found Me

When did you discover them? when they performed at an emo night a while ago and the internet lost its shit

How many albums do they have? just an EP and a standalone single currently

Which member of the band is closest to your ‘type’ / do you find the most attractive? I mean neither but I’ll acknowledge that Dallon is quite pretty

Have they gone through any line-up changes? nope

Is their music more fun or serious? it’s very well-done so I’d say it’s serious in that it’s like, quality music, but sound/vibe wise, it’s really really fun

Name of Artist: Chapel

Is the type of music / genre they play something you would typically enjoy or is their sound different for you? It’s not outside the realm of possibilities for me but it’s also not the most common sound in my playlists

Based off of their sound, what would a human version of their music look like? someone young, a lil bit sad, and colorfully-dressed

Could you see yourself getting along with the members personally? I think so

Did somebody recommend this band to you? Unless you count Awsten Knight talking about them constantly, no.

Of all their songs, which would you play at a party? We’ve Got Soul or Don’t You Love Me

Name of Artist: State Champs

How many people are in this band/group? Five.

When did they start making music? 2010

Do they have any well known songs, if so, which one(s)? I don’t think they have anything that’s mainstream well-known but according to spotify their most-streamed song is Secrets

Do you listen to this artist regularly? Definitely

How would you describe their music? pop punk with good, catchy choruses and very pleasant vocal melodies and harmonies

Name of Artist: Neck Deep

If they use a stage name, what is their real name(s)? Well I mean they don’t individually have stage names, but their names are Ben Barlow, Matt West, Sam Bowden, and Dani Abasi/Washington (well Dani has released music as Dani Rain actually so I guess that is a stage name but it doesn’t have to do with Neck Deep)

Do they regularly make pop charts? no

Have you ever met them? I haven’t but I watched them get into an Uber five feet away from me once

If they toured in your city, would you go see them? absolutely. They were incredible the last time

Name of Artist: CrazyEightyEight

Are they known for anything else besides music? I mean they’re known for other music that isn’t this band. First of all, they’re all from youtube (Patty and Jarrod don’t make youtube videos anymore but Lauren does). Also Lauren is in another band called Red-Handed Denial, Patty is in As It Is, and Jarrod has released a bunch of parody/comedy music

What is their nationality? Lauren is Canadian, Jarrod is American, and Patty is American-British

Are they a guilty pleasure? Nah, they’re way too good

Which age group is this artist most popular with? I honestly couldn’t tell you

Has this artist ever toured in your country/state/city? they haven’t toured, period

Name of Artist: Stand Atlantic

Do you think it’s necessary or important to know about their personal life to ‘understand’ their music? Eh, I don’t think so. Their music has a very personal feel but in a way that’s easy to connect to and identify with

Have they ever gone on hiatus and did they return? they haven’t gone on hiatus thankfully

What instruments do they use? guitar, bass, drums, and probably some synths

What city are they from? Sydney, Australia

What are your experiences with fans of this artist? meme-y lol but also nice. Lots of girls that are in love with Bonnie (myself included, god she's so talented)

I tag @bagelicious @maria-kart @momcena @oh-well-shit @je-me-libere @thingswelostinthefireradio @starry-knight12 @caimani @diamondboy @kartertawsten (no pressure to actually do this if you aren’t up for it, of course)

[serensama]

To Mourn #2

Here is Zenny’s!  I’m sorry, I know I promised Yoosung smut- but due to the current events in my life I can’t write smut. It would be the most awkward smut imaginable and I can't have that. So- here is Zen, hurting, a lot.  This will include:  1) Some profanity 2) Angst, tragedy, character death 3) Mentions of mental illness/delusions 

Hush-a-bye, dear Eponine  You won’t feel any pain-  A little fall of rain can hardly hurt you now I’m here… I will stay with you Till you are sleeping  And rain- Will make the flowers- .... grow 

“A little fall of rain”- Marius, Les Miserables.

  He had her pressed against the dresser, the bottles of makeup falling and rolling off the table as he pushed her further along the surface. His hands marked at the mirror and flinched away reflexively as his fingers found one of the hot lightbulbs that framed it. MC laughed between his kisses as she took his hand and kissed and sucked at his sore fingers, making him chuckle as he nipped at her neck. Zen pulled back to look down at her, pushing her hair out of her face to see more of her beautiful face. She was radiant. The glow of the lights behind her giving her an almost ethereal halo around her hair, her cheeks flushed from their kisses and her smile as bright as any spotlight.

Zen bit down on his bottom lip, he wanted nothing more than to continue this little interlude of theirs but they had somewhere to be and they were already running late as it was. They had stayed back as all the other actors and crew filtered off to the club where their after party was being held but he and MC walked the stage, hand in hand. He let his hand trail over the set and props, sometimes picking one up and regaling her with a funny story behind it from one of their rehearsals. MC squeezed at his bicep when he took a particularly long look at the chairs and table he had sung his exceptionally heart wrenching solo upon.

This would be his final production, for a little while anyways, the couple agreeing that his career was stable enough for him to take a year long break from acting. That it would be a year for him and her. The year that they would finally make honest people out of each other and tie the knot; they were tired of waiting for his god forsaken family’s approval and… Zen really wanted to be husband… and a father. It crept up on him out of nowhere, seeing MC interact with the actors who played Gavroche, Cosette and Eponine whenever she visited him in between rehearsals- how they would run to her and jump up and down all excited as she would always have some sweet treat for them tucked away in her purse. He would love seeing them act out their scenes just for her and her expressions as she watched them- like an adoring mother watching her children play. It made his stomach flip and his heart race. He was ready. He, well they, had focused so much on his career… it was time for them to focus on them and their future. He wanted this.

Still they took their time to let him say farewells to the stage he had so happily acted upon for almost a year, the audience calling for encore after encore, his performance so well received he would get standing ovations upon his curtain call. He wasn’t going to lie and say he wasn’t going to miss it; but to say he wasn’t excited to spend an entire year with his, well, soon to be wife- that would be the lie. The idea of spending days in bed with her, able to take all the time he wanted with her, his fingers tracing over her body with his lips following suit; just to be able to worship her as she deserved… heaven. No more strict schedules or disciplined diets or workouts- just him and MC with all the time in the world. He had never looked forward to being an unemployed actor more in his entire career.

Taking a deep breath as he faced the empty chairs in the theatre, Zen grinned. Actually… he wasn’t going to miss it at all. “Come on Jagi, let’s get to that party.”

  A loud crash of thunder boomed as they moved their way through the backstage hallways, the walls vibrating from the sheer strength of the sound. MC cursed her luck as she left her umbrella at home in her rush to get to the theatre to see Zen’s final show; she was grateful for the fact that the club would be dark and no one would be looking at her with Zen beside her. That boy looked amazing even coming in from a torrential downpour where should would look like a drowned rat with some seriously smeared eyeliner. Ah well.

Looking down at her, Zen laughed as he opened his trademark white coat and stretched it out and over the both of them as a makeshift cover as he nodded towards the door, silently asking MC to open for him. The moment she did, a roar louder than the thunder erupted- dozens upon dozens of Zen’s fans had waited for him in the cold and rain just to get a glimpse of the actor. MC looked up at Zen and gave him an impish smile and shrugged weakly, what could they do? They were his public. The ones who made all of this possible, he had to attend to them.

The actor watched as MC stepped dutifully to the side after giving the fans a quick wave, ready to let him do what he normally did; but he didn’t want to. Not today. This was the start of it being just him and MC and whilst he felt nothing but gratitude to those fans, he was tired of seeing the woman he loved always step aside as if something were more important than her. No more. Not this time. Zen stood forward slightly and raised his arm up in the air to wave and silence the crowd of screeching fans, the noisy din quieting down in a matter of seconds the moment they realized their idol wanted to address them. Collecting his thoughts so he didn’t sound like a blabbering mess, he clapped his hands together and began to speak from the heart.

“My dearest fans! Thank you for coming to watch my final performance and for braving such terrible weather to see me. You will never know what this means to me,” he said as his crimson eyes scanned the crowds in an attempt to look at them all in eyes. “I want to thank each and every one of you personally but as it is, we’re already really late for something and we need to go. I… I feel terrible that you were all here for so long only to leave you so soon- if I had known, I would have been out earlier.”   The crowd deflated and sounds of disappointment and annoyance hissed through them, but still they understood that he was a busy man and it was a gamble to wait for him at all. “I’m so sorry guys- truly. I’ll find a way to make it all up to you, but we have to go and you guys need to get out of the rain and dry off! I can’t have my best fans sick! I’d feel absolutely horrible!” he said, flashing his most dazzling smile and cheesy thumbs up which had almost everyone eating from the palm of his hand. “Thank you every one! I love you all and I will see you all soon!”

The crowd cheered and offered their support to their favourite actor as the couple descended the stairs, Zen taking the jacket and covering them both again in an action which had almost all of his fans swooning at how chivalrous and romantic he was, a chorus of well wishes and goodbyes following them as they passed them on the way to their car. They were ten steps away from it when Zen felt a tug of his arm and a heard a high yelp of surprise. He spun around to see a woman pull MC back, her hands clamped tightly around her forearm as she screeched incoherently into her ear, MC wincing back with discomfort. Zen could feel his blood boil, no one touched MC like that, not a man, not a woman. No one hurt his girl.

“Hey!” he barked, loud enough for his voice to carry throughout the parking lot, silencing the cheering fans and startling the angry woman enough to turn towards him. “Let her go! What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he demanded as he gestured towards MC, his hand out ready to hold hers. The agitated fan turned back to MC, her eyes squinting until they were barely slits on her face, her mouth twisted into a hideous sneer as she pulled the woman down and back so she lost her footing on the slippery surface and fell hard on her coccyx.  Zen was at her side so fast he almost lost his balance trying to get there, his hands patting at her body softly all the while asking if she was hurt, if she was okay. Which was apparently the wrong thing to do. “This woman! Zen! This woman is what is wrong in this picture!” she yelled, pointing at her with a shaking finger, her eyes burning with such ire that MC flinched into Zen’s protective grasp. Shaking his head as he helped her up, covering her head with his jacket, he simply chose to ignore the crazy woman and just continue on their journey. “She is holding you back Zen! If it wasn’t for her you wouldn’t be taking this year long hiatus! If it wasn’t for her you’d have been out here earlier! You’d be here with us instead of taking care of such a pathetic girl who isn’t even worthy of you! She’s disgusting! She’s ruining your life!”

He couldn’t let that pass. He was many things but he was never a liar.  He would not let those fallacies remain unchecked.

Zen tightened his grip around her shoulders and pressed a kiss to the top of her covered head, a silent plea for her not to listen to the mindless drivel this woman was spouting. Lies. Misconceptions. Delusions.

“I don’t know who you think you are,” he began quietly, his hand running up at down MC’s arm to help warm her up in the pouring rain, the cold droplets barely registering in his periphery, his body so fired up with rage it felt almost nice against his skin. “But you need to step away and leave. You know nothing. You talk about things you don’t have a damn clue about, mixing your own screwed up feelings into your own version of truth- you’re blind. You can’t see how much I love her and how much she has done for me. If you can’t see that- you are no true fan of mine.”

Zen placed another kiss on top of his lover’s head as he guided her back to the car, their footsteps slow and cautious. The actor could hear the hushed whispers of the other fans- and the ragged breathing and whimpering of the woman he had reprimanded, whether they agreed with the woman or with him he didn’t know- didn’t care. None of this matters, if MC stays in this weather for any longer she’s going to get sick, I can’t be the reason my girl suffers. “You… you don’t know who I am? I helped make you! I was there from the start! From your first play to this one- I was there in the front row twenty-two times!” she cried, pulling at her hair like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. That throughout his career not once had he noticed her, understood what she had done for him. The money she had sacrificed to see his shows, the relationships that ended because the men couldn’t understand that he came first for her- he always came first and he… he didn’t even know she existed. “I am your only true fan!” she wailed as her fingers clutched at her chest, her nails leaving angry red scratches at the skin of her décolletage.  

Zen stopped and ground his teeth together, his quick temper getting the better of him. Turning around and tucking MC behind him, the loud chattering of her teeth a timer to remind him to keep it quick, to defuse the situation and get her warmed up. Fuck the party. They were going to go home where he could run her a hot bath and sit in the tub with her, pull small body against his, long limbs wrapped around her to keep her warm and safe. The candles he’d light beforehand dwindling down as they stayed in water just enjoying their time together. There would be a thousand parties in the future, why would missing one matter?

“T-True fan? True fan?!” he scoffed as he pushed his hair out of his face, the long strands sticking to his wet skin. “You are bat-shit crazy lady. I don’t know you. You didn’t do shit for me- but you are making me angry. You hurt my fiancé, you say horrible things to her- if you were a true fan you would know what she’s done to help my career. To help me. If you’re a true fan- I don’t want any part of it.”

The woman screamed as her whole world was torn to shreds by the man at the very centre of it. How could he say such things? How could turn his back on everything they had been through together?  He had sung for her, looked at her all those times when he said those lines- he would say different names each time but she knew he was talking to her. What they meant to each other, it wasn’t all in her head, it wasn’t! He was so loyal to her all those years- more than five years he stayed alone to prove his devotion to her and to his career. Then overnight it seemed to change… why… why did it… Casting her gaze on the woman behind him, suddenly everything made sense. It was her. It was her fault. She did this- she tainted Zen, her Zen, shaped him into something she wanted and made sure that he only focused on her. Selfish. The bitch was selfish. Zen was hers. Zen was theirs. And she was trying to steal him from them. No, never! Zen was hers. Zen was hers.

  Screams.

That was the first thing he recognized. So many screams. Was he… was he backstage? Was the crowd still begging for another song?... wait… no… no they’re not screaming for him… they were scared… Why?

-Why was he on the ground?

Zen looked up and there was MC, standing in front of him, shaking in the rain, his soaked through jacket askew, dangling off of one shoulder. Silly girl. She was going to get sick and she was a terror whenever she was ill. She would mope and beg for attention and love and… wait… perhaps a little sniffle wouldn’t be terrible. He could play knight in shining armor for her.

“Are… are you okay?” she asked him, not looking back, her eyes focused on what he remembered must have been the deranged fan. He nodded and made a noise of agreeance in the back of his throat as he clambered up to check if he was hurt anywhere. He wasn’t. “I’m fine, Jagi,” he added as he threw his arm over her shoulders again, not expecting the violent wince and cry of pain that came for her. Alarmed by her severely shaking frame, Zen finally looked further than her face and down her torso- her lovely white dress (“I wore it to match you tonight, Zenny!”) stained by a flourish of dark red against her middle. A mark that grew more vivid as she grew paler. Stealing a look at the woman before them… sure enough… there she stood, frozen, with a smoking gun in her hand. Shrieks could be heard as the mob of Zen’s fans rushed her, pinning her down and kicking away the weapon- not that he cared. Not when all he could truly focus on were the soft breaths that fell from her lips. “So… you’re not hurt?” she repeated as a weak smile formed across her face, her fingers finding the hem of his shirt and curling around the fabric. Zen shook his head, his throat constricting so tightly he couldn’t find his voice. “Oh… that’s good then.”

MC fell harshly to her knees and was almost about to fall forward onto her face before long, strong arms wrapped around her. Zen sat upon the ground with his fiancé shaking in his arms, her makeup falling in dark rivulets down her face, her tears camouflaged by the rain. He heard someone yelling for them to call an ambulance. To get help.

He didn’t recognize his own voice.

All he saw was his future smiling up at him, her lips moving, she was saying something but what? What? Zen focus! “… We’re going to be so damn late...” she laughed before grimacing a hiss of pain escaping between the gaps in her teeth. Zen looked back down to her stomach, with each word she said or with each laugh, more blood seemed to pour out of her. Ignoring the cry of anguish she made when he placed his hand to her wound, he pressed down firmly, desperate to keep every last drop he could inside of her where it belonged. “It’s okay, Zen-” she tried to say only to stop midsentence at the furious look he gave her. “It is not okay, MC!” he growled, there she was bleeding out and she was trying to comfort him. Nothing about their situation was right. They were supposed to be surrounded by their friends laughing the night away, getting drunk and having celebratory sex the moment they stepped back into their apartment. She was meant to be happy and healthy, not dying in a dark, cold parking lot surrounded by strangers. “But it will be. It will be. Someone’s getting help, so just, just stay with me okay? You listen to me and stay just a little bit longer. You’re going to fine baby.”

Her smile grew wider. Tinted with blood. It was still the most beautiful smile he had ever seen.

“Screw this, I’m getting you to the hospital- just hold on Jagi,” he spoke more to himself than to her, lifting her up as gingerly as he could. MC screamed, her cries gurgling in her throat wet with her own blood, small trails bubbling out of the sides of her mouth. Zen cursed under his breath as he resumed their previous position, wiping away the red, smearing the colour against her skin. Even in the rain, it wasn’t coming off. He tried to calm himself even as his heart banged away in his chest and his eyes stung, his lungs closing up as he choked on his own staggered breaths. Just a little longer, he would hear those sirens and the flashing lights of their saviours and everything would be just fine. He would sing to her in the hospital bed as she recovered and get yelled at by her for hovering like a worried mother. He just knew it. She was going to show off the scars from her wounds in no time at all. His Jagi was the strongest woman he had ever met. This was just a scratch. A scratch. She was even laughing through her tears. No one was stronger than her.

“Why are you laughing MC?” he asked a wry smile on his face, belying the way his heart clenched at the hollow sound of her once joyous laughter. A heavy and haunting sound that Zen knew would fill his nightmares for the rest of his life. MC looked up at him as she laid her hand on top of his, their interlaced fingers painted with her blood. “It’s… it’s almost funny, don’t you think? This is life imitating art…just like the scene in your… in your p-play… where Eponine and… and Mari-” “Don’t.” “Don’t you fret… Monsieur-” “Stop it!” he snapped, his hand putting more pressure on her wound than normal causing the woman to gasp, remorse flooding his system instantly. “I’m sorry! God- I’m so sorry! I just… please don’t…” he begged as he hung his head so their foreheads could touch. She was so cold. “I’m sorry,” she replied, her hand finding the back of his head, her fingers clumsily patting away at his ivory strands. “It’s not funny,” he wept, the dam finally breaking, his voice cracking as he held on to her; wishing against all hope his warmth would pass to her. To keep her with him that little bit longer. He could almost hear the sirens. “This isn’t funny MC! How can you be laughing at something like this?”

MC’s hand slid down to caress the side of his cheek, pushing him away slightly so she could peer into those crimson depths- eyes she had so completely fallen in love with. She wanted to see them, to be the last thing she saw before she left that life, she didn’t want to see them filled with tears… but to be crinkled in a smile. One last smile for her. “I’m sorry-” “Please stop apologizing-” “I’m… I just…” she trailed off as her particularly hard shake raked through her body, her eyes squeezed shut as she bit down on her lip to stop the coughs trying to burst from her chest. Zen looked down at where their hands were still linked, the blood was mixed with a dark green… that… that couldn’t have been good. “I… I don’t want to die crying Zen,” she said simply, a sad smile on her lips. She didn’t want to die crying… he didn’t want her to die. She wasn’t going to! This was a scratch! A fucking wound he would kiss away… she couldn’t die. She couldn’t leave him. Not now. They were so close. They were going to get married next month- everyone was invited. An elaborate extravaganza where the entire cast of the play were going to perform at the wedding ceremony and she would come down the aisle and-…. Just…

Zen snapped himself out of his heartbroken reverie and looked back down at MC, her eyes closed and her lips sweetly upturned, her chest still and her shivering completely stopped-

He shook her. Hard.

“A-ah!” she rattled through her startled breaths, her eyes wide and searching his face. It took a moment before her expression softened, her hand trying its best to reach his face once more. Zen took it within his and kissed her blood-soaked palm, the taste of it on his lips almost as bitter as the bile that lodged itself at the back of his throat. Her eyes could barely focus and her breathing so slow he was tempted to press his lips against hers to breathe for her. He would have. He wanted to. Anything, he wanted to do anything he could to keep her there with him… even for a minute longer. The sirens- he could hear them now. MC gave another smile as she willed her lips to form words, even as she barely clung to consciousness.

“A-are you… are you my angel?” she asked, her voice small and hoarse and perfect, her eyes watering as she took in the sight of him. He kissed her palm over and over again, her cheeks, her lips, her eyelids- soft and quick presses of his mouth against her which made her sigh happily. Zen smoothed away the hair from her face, his touch like fire against her skin, like sitting by the fireplace on a winter’s night huddled together, like home. Zen steadied himself, a smile, she said she wanted to smile. “No Jagi, I’m no angel,” he grinned, biting his tongue to stop from breaking down and sobbing like his heart dictated. A look of confusion brushed upon her features as his fingers soothed them away gently, fingertips longingly dragging across the surface of her face to memorise every dip and curve. “But you, oh Jagiya… you are my angel.”

The smile she offered him in response could have lit up the entire sky. “…I am?” she asked, the tears in her eyes welling up and falling, cleaning the blood away from her face that the rain had failed to. He nodded and smiled, his cheeks burning. “Then I’ll have to… to keep watch over you…” “Mhmm. For as long as you can so… so stay and watch and…”

Her hand slipped from his grasp. Her eyes staring up at him, filled with tears. His face frozen into the smile he held for her.

“… MC?”

He shook her. Again. Harder. He pressed her wound. Harder. Please. Please.

He couldn’t move. Not one single muscle. Her body so heavy in his arms and yet he refused to release her. This was his fault. If he had only kept his mouth shut, didn’t taunt that woman- MC would have been alive. If he didn’t insist on staying back to revel in his glory they would have all left together with everyone else and she would have been alive. If he had realized what the woman was planning and MC didn’t push him out of the way to save him… she would have been alive. If he could have traded places with her, taken that bullet, taken that pain she endured- he would have in a second. It was meant for him. She was aiming for him. It should have been him, MC’s death was on him. She was dead… and he was the reason she died. Zen could hear the cries of the people around him. The screams of the bitch who stole her from him. The rain as it pounded against the ground.

This is not okay. This is not okay. This is not okay.

He couldn’t hear the sirens anymore.

Not when the paramedics looked him over, not when they tried to explain what was happening, not when they asked to take MC away from him. Nothing. Everything was static and muffled and not quite real. Until they managed to pry her away from his arms.

He heard the crack of the bones in his hand as it connected with the jaw of the paramedic. He heard the scream of the fans as the man was easily toppled by one hit. He heard the groans of pain the poor man made as he rolled around clutching his face. He heard the cry of his heart.

And then- silence.

  The RFA were at the hospital minutes after he had arrived; Jaehee saying something about his fans going crazy on his website. Jumin had wandered off to deal with the press that were starting to circle the building hoping to get a photo of the grief-stricken star, ordering his security detail to push the vultures back and insure safe passage for them all when they were ready to depart. Jaehee sat quietly and held his hand, patting the top of it like one would do to an elderly person to placate them. Yoosung had tried to be strong, he knew that, but he couldn’t keep up the act for very long- bursting out crying when V said he would take care of all the arrangements for MC. Saeyoung had merely placed a hand over his shoulder in a show of silent solidarity. He was grateful for their presence, he was. They helped fill the quiet in his head, the one voice in there reminding him repeatedly that this was it, he was all alone again. That he would return home and there wouldn’t be MC to remind him to eat more than a bottle (or two!) of beer and wouldn’t scream when he chased after her when he was all sweaty from a workout, begging for a hug. He couldn’t go back there, not yet.

“Is there… would anyone mind if I stayed… just for a few days-” “You can stay with me. For as long as you want.” Zen looked up at V, his dark glasses unable the hide the streaks of tears that fell from his eyes. “Thank you.”

  Her funeral was a star-studded affair, all of the friends she had made along the way from being his manager- all offering their condolences and final respects. The cast of the play, tearfully singing the song they had planned to sing to her under very different circumstances, bringing Zen to tears, bent over upon himself in the pews. He could feel V and Yoosung’s hands on his back and shoulders offering support as his cries echoed around the church.

Zen had tried his best to get up, to say the words he had tearfully written and rewritten over the last week, but he found neither his legs or heart were strong enough. Jumin took pity on him and accepted the crumpled piece of paper from his hand and with a small nod, stood in his place to say the words he wanted to say to his beloved MC.

I’m so sorry my love. I can’t say goodbye to you, not then, not now… probably not ever. His words didn’t sound right coming from Jumin’s low baritone but it would have to do; his own voice never wanted to be found if it couldn’t be used to talk to her, to murmur sweet nothings in her ear, to sing to her whenever she woke up late at night until she fell back to sleep. He never wanted to speak again.

  He didn’t even need to give his account, didn’t need to say a thing, with so many witnesses and some even recording the incident, there was too much evidence stacked up against the woman- he didn’t even want to know the name of the demon who stole MC away from him, wasn’t worth it- she was convicted and charged and he didn’t need to think about her ever again. He disregarded the way she called out to him, that she was glad that he was alive and now that MC was out of the way- she would continue writing to him. She couldn’t wait to hear back from him… like all the other times he had replied to her.

Zen wandered back to V’s house, dry eyed and disenchanted.

“Is it… is it all done then?” his old friend asked as he wiped his hands on the dish towel as Zen rummaged through the fridge. Finding the six pack he put there hidden behind packets of salad and some suspect looking takeout, Zen skulled one beer down and opened another, taking one long swig before turning to his friend and nodding once. Reaching back down, he picked up the pack of alcohol and made his way to the guest room he had stayed in since the night he lost her. It was larger than the bedroom they shared, both agreeing to stay in the same place and to save their money so they could afford to build the house of their dreams. They had it all planned out. A five-bedroom house next to a park so he could chase after their kids and the dogs (“Cats? Our children will only want dogs MC.”) … put some money aside for their education…some money for a great honeymoon… for their wedding … for the year they were going to spend not working and stay in each other’s arms… for the ring that he now wore around his neck -

He drank. He hated the room he stayed in. He hated everything. 

He found the box of fan letters he had taken with him help boost his spirits and looked at them with nothing but disgust. One of them… so many of them… could have been from that monster- and he wrote back. Hundreds upon hundreds of letters. The words he wasted on that bitch. He wanted to be sick. He threw them all into the metal bin out of the balcony and threw in a lit match, the paper slowly catching fire- spreading from one letter to the next.

He drank again.

  V watched him as he downed yet another can of beer, uncaring what it tasted like so long as it got the job done. It took more and more cans each time, but he was on a mission to get himself so blindly drunk that he didn’t have to feel anymore. It was his daily routine. Wake up have a shower, grab a beer and sit on the couch, just drinking the day away. That was it. Six months passed and all he did was drink. V had to fight with him, almost coming to blows a week after MC had passed, to get him to eat solid food. Although that was still rare and far between. He still hadn’t spoken.

There were times V was sure he wanted to, his jaw would clench or his mouth would open in such a way he could almost hear the words on his tongue- but then he would just shove a bottle or a can between his lips and drink himself into an oblivious stupor. It hurt him to see Zen this way, the once proud man now with long, scruffy hair and sallow skin and dark circles beneath his eyes that would easily pass for Halloween makeup. He stayed in pajamas or his sweat pants all day and rarely went out, the only reason he did was to get more alcohol. There was only so much that V could stand. It was like looking into a living mirror- but he would save Zen, even if he couldn’t save himself.

V sat down beside him, a glass of wine in one hand the bottle in the other, slouched and tired. Zen raised his beer in a half assed salutation and took a long swig of it, not even a third of his way through his drinking marathon. V figured it was okay if he didn’t talk, it would make it easier for him to say what he had to say uninterrupted. And he knew Zen was listening, he was always listening.

“I still miss her you know, Rika that is,” he began not missing the way Zen’s body had stiffened beside his. “I know that she hurt me, that she hurt… so many people. But I still miss who she was. Who we were at the start. Who I was at the start,” he filtered off as he took a sip of his wine, the tart flavours dancing across his palate. “I never dreamed that I would get over her. That one day I would be able to get up and not have a gaping hole inside my chest that I wanted to swallow me up, to get lost in that void and just… not be. Not feel. Not think. Just- quiet. But that quiet- it’s maddening Zen. I almost lost myself to it and when I see you- you’re so lost, you’re almost too far gone. Perhaps that’s my fault. Letting you do as you wanted and not reaching out sooner- but not anymore. I’m not letting you go any further. I’m not letting you stay in your silent torment anymore. Talk to me. Scream at me. Anything. Say something. Please.”

Another sip. Another swig. More silence. V closed his eyes as his fingers wound around the stem of the fine glass, just short of snapping it. “It was you. You, Yoosung, Jumin, Saeyoung and Jaehee… all of you… and yes, MC too… You all brought me back from the brink. It was probably MC who helped to wake me up and realise that I couldn’t just wallow anymore, that there were people who loved me, needed me- I couldn’t stay quiet any longer. So, for MC, for you, I am going to help you. I’m not going to give up, just like she didn’t- she ran to you and stayed with you until you were better. She’s not here now, but I am. For her, I will do the same. For her… please try.”

Another sip. Another swig. A sigh.

Long and heavy and condensed with such pain- such a familiar sound, a familiar feeling.

The beer fell from Zen’s shaking hands as he covered his face with his palms, his breathing slowly transforming into shuddering gasps until finally a wail of sorrow tore from his lungs, his body shaking from the force of his cries. V placed his wine down carefully beside the sofa and pulled at him, letting him lean against him for support; to know that he wasn’t alone in his agony, that he didn’t have to hide his pain from them- from himself.

The sound of his grief deafening.

He didn’t have to say a word, V understood everything he had to say. It was a start.

  He… he was not the same Zen. He never could be again. Each time he tried to look over a script or watch a movie- all he could think of was MC. What she would think of each production and if she would approve of him being in it and how each set would feel wrong without her there hanging around the sidelines just out of reach. How every break without her bounding over to him to give him a kiss would be torture. That each time he returned to his trailer or dressing room she wouldn’t have a seat beside his, that he would never get to revel in their after-show shenanigans… she wouldn’t be there to run lines with him… to take photos of him on opening night… to give him flowers.

It was all too much.

So, the choice was easy, practically already made for him. He would never act again.

The outcry from his fans was unbelievable. They wrote and posted their pleas online- that they didn’t want him to leave and missed him and still supported him, but he had made his choice. His following soon dwindled, not that he minded, it was easier to have a nice quiet life without a hoard of fans watching every step he took. They were too busy ignoring all the pictures he put up of MC and him or of just his lost love on his social media accounts, no one noticed when he packed up his apartment and moved out, no one cared. It was… good.

He was surprised when he showed up to town a he’d randomly chosen to start over in and no one recognized him, or if they did, they kept their mouths shut. Perfect.

He still lived in pain, the ache in his chest never really leaving him or healing over as it should have- but- perhaps in time, perhaps. Zen picked up his tools and set down his dreams, he would try to find peace. Working with hands made sense to him, something that was tangible and real, putting things back together to see them work- it was cathartic. Maybe one day he could pull himself apart and fix himself… until then… he had engines to fix. It would have to do- to be enough.

  Sitting alone on his simple couch in his humble apartment, Zen was relaxing after a long day at work. A beer in hand and the TV on, he sat and mindlessly flicked through the channels as he hummed and hawed over whether he should go to bed or not. A familiar chord played through his TV’s speakers and he paused instinctively to listen. No. God, please, no. Why.

“Do you hear the people sing… singing the songs of angry men…”

The emotions he had so carefully sorted through, tread through with bated breath and tipped toes, all exploded. Fell down from their spots off the shelves he had put them away on and just burst. Zen threw his beer, the glass smashing and the golden liquid running down his cream walls. He threw the remote control, smashing the screen of his TV, the cracks bleeding through. He was not okay. It was not enough. When would the pain stop? Did he want it to stop?          

Zen sat amongst the wreckage of his upturned lounge and sighed, wiping away at tears he didn’t realise he was crying. No. He guessed he didn’t want it to end- because no more pain meant no more MC in his life. He still wasn’t ready to say goodbye.

  It was a tap on the shoulder that unraveled him. Zen turned around from the bike he was fixing, squinting up to focus on the man before him, his face hard to see against the light of the mechanic shop. Zen wiped his hand and shook the hand he was offered not quite understanding why the man was there when his car seemed perfectly fine. “…I’m a big fan. I loved you in Les Mis… so strong… so vulnerable…” Ah. A fan. It had been years, it was alright, it hurt less, he could be gallant. “Uh thank you, that’s very kind- but you see I’m pretty busy right now-” “That’s fine Zen- I just wanted to be the first to tell you that I can’t wait to start work.”

He stopped in his tracks- what work? Was he working at the shop with him? The owner hadn’t mentioned hiring anyone new and the weaselly man in front of him looked like he barely knew how to drive let alone fix a car. “On the movie… your movie?”

His movie? He hadn’t accepted any scripts from his old agent. He didn’t even give his new number to anyone outside of the RFA- who was this guy again?

“My what?” he asked, turning back around hoping to clarify whatever misunderstanding they may have had. The man smiled again and handed him a thick script, Zen staring down at the title incredulously. Zen: The true story of how Romeo lost his Juliet.

He swallowed the bile that tried its best to climb up his throat and forced himself to open the pages, near the end, and prayed- he was never one to be religious but there he was praying- that he wouldn’t see what he feared he would.

Alas, he did.

“… I don’t want to die crying, Zenny.”

“… so, stay… stay a little bit longer...”

His fists were pummeling into the man’s face before he knew what he was doing. It felt good to hit him. It felt good to hurt him. He didn’t want to stop. How dare he? How dare they? Make a mockery of his life and her death- it was unforgivable. Who thought this was a good idea? What cruel, heartless bastard wanted to tell his story about losing the only thing that truly mattered in his life? He’d kill them. He’d make them all pay and-

His boss pulled him off the man before he managed to do anymore damage, the director laying on the ground bruised and battered and bloodied almost beyond recognition.

“I think… I think you best call a lawyer son, this won’t end pretty for you.”

Zen huffed as he wiped away the errant spatters of blood on his face with the back of his hand, his sweat smearing the red over his skin like war paint. “It never does Old Man, not for me.”

  He couldn’t believe he was doing this, but he was desperate, he didn’t have enough money to stop it and he needed help. As much as this killed him to do it, he had to. The door swung open and there was a face he hadn’t thought of or seen for three years.

“Jumin, I need your help.”

The C&R director’s steel eyes widened at the open appeal; the lack of hostility and desperation the actor once exuded in his presence surprising him. Stepping aside, he let Zen inside his penthouse and asked him to start from the beginning. There was were no need for pleasantries or idle chit chat over how their lives had been- they were friends, no matter what they said, and they were there when the other needed them. “They have to be stopped. I don’t care how. They can’t be allowed to make a movie about her, not about that. Not how she died… not how I lost her. I won’t survive that Jumin. I can survive prison, I can stay there for the rest of my life- I don’t care what happens to me- but please help me stop them from making this film. From making any films, ever, about her.”

Jumin observed the man as he clenched the cup of tea in between his trembling hands, the liquid rippling inside the small cup. Sighing resolutely, Jumin leant forward and took the cup from Zen’s fingers and set it on the coffee table before sitting back in his chair and tenting his fingers. It was an easy choice, there wasn’t need to think about it. MC was his friend too. “Of course Zen. Of course I will help.”

Zen wasn’t ashamed to cry, even in front of Jumin. He had failed her before, but not this time. He could almost feel her smiling.

  Zen finally understood why people were so in awe of Jumin Han. In less than a week he had managed to block all creative rights to create the movie, protect Zen and MC so nothing could be made about them or based loosely around them ever again and have the charges of assault dismissed- and he did this all without breaking a sweat or missing a day of work. He hated to admit it but he was impressive… and he was kind. He would have to make it up to him somehow, he didn’t know how but he had to make it even between them.

“Thank you Jumin, she’d be… she’d be so happy.” “I know. But that wasn’t why I did it-” “Then why-” “Because you deserve to be happy too.” “I… thank you.”

For the first time in years, he didn’t have a drink, and when he fell asleep that night- he could see her smiling back at him, not a tear in sight.

  Zen rode further out, the small town quiet and asleep, his motorcycle and the hush of the night wind that caressed his skin the only noises that could be heard. He had taken to doing this, as regularly as he could and each time was special. He slowed down as he approached the field of stargazer lilies, a treasured find, they were her favourite flowers. Zen turned off the engine and kicked the stand up so he could simply sit there and breathe in their sweet scent, so similar to that of her skin, and looked up. The night sky was particularly beautiful there, the stars much brighter and more vivid than anywhere else in the city. It was worth taking the half hour trip to be there, it almost felt like she was there with him. She would have loved it there. It could have been the place they would have built their house, had their children and made a life together. In another time, another place, perhaps they could still.

Zen chuckled at his optimism, relieved that thoughts of possibility were finally running through his veins again (as crazy and implausible as they may have been). He would never be the same, that much he knew for certain, but he knew that he didn’t have to be in order to keep her within his heart. That she wouldn’t begrudge him the need to heal, the need to feel something other than pain. She would encourage it, just as she always encouraged him. He could feel the corners of his mouth twitch at the thought, she was just… the best. In life and after death. The best.

“Hey MC… sorry it’s been so long since I came down. The Old Man at the shop’s been sick so I’ve taken over for him… but you knew that, huh? You’re still up there looking out for me, right?” he smiled as a small tear rolled down the side of his eye. “It’s been forever without you, each day passing like the last… the pain- it’s still there. You not being here, it’ll always hurt. I accept that. But I can live with it, make it my own. Carry you with me and be okay- I can. I see that now… I just miss you so much-”

Don’t cry. Smile. It’s what she wanted.

“One day baby, we’ll be those stars up there, together, so just wait a little longer okay? Wait for me Jagi.”  

[sunnybimbo]

get to know the author

got tagged by mfin @grassepi like 10 days ago to do this!!!!!! /dab/

long ass post under the cut

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

i explain this so often man its a trip. ‘jam’ came from simlish in the sims 3 because of that one voice line that’s like ‘jambabedo?’. i had changed my name to that on skype but when i was VCing with @namerine she could only see ‘jam’ and it kinda just stuck. speaking of: the ‘dingus’ part also came from her so literally this name is all because of her and i love her *fingerguns*

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos).

by FAR my most popular fic is my collection of sickfics: In Sickness and Health

the only thing that it got beat in was comments from Close to the Heart, but that’s mostly just because it had so many mfin chapters

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

b a b y y o s h i

i literally cant remember how i found this picture or why i chose it as my icon but its my Brand now. yoshi jamthedingus is me

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

i literally have so many. there’s @space-peachx, @bears-again, @narwhalsarefalling, @ravenssama, and @miishiiwrites (for some reason it wasnt letting me tag ur main asldhasd) plus a SHIT ton of anon commentors who i love just as dearly!!! i have a lot more but these are the most common commenters and i love them sm i could literally die.

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

there are like three fics like that and ofc im gonna list them all

hands down the fic i’ve reread the MOST in the shortest period of time is Sunset in Reverse by @demenior (who i cannot tag for some reason but i hope they know that i love their fic dearly)

there’s this i n c r e d i b l e sickfic by @bosstoaster that i just adore called Drown Out Your Mind that just breaks my heart all types of ways

and there’s this OTHER fic that also fucks me up called strength of the small by @nowweareunstoppable in which pidge is bad ass and also gets fucked up and i literally rec it to all my friends i love it so much

(also a special shoutout to been @velkynkarma‘s Whisper in the Dark. whenever i have the need for a good creepin’ out i LOVE to revisit this one because like... just the description of the Final Boss (tm) alone is enough to give me the willies)

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

oof

i have 449 bookmarks from like atleast 10 different fandoms, and about 411 fics i’m subscribed to, give or take a couple because Math. most of them are completed though, but i don’t go through and take them off because i’m a lazy hoe 

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

well i just looked up my ao3 and it says i have the most in ‘Alternate Universe - Video Game World’ asjdhsaldhsja aka my mmo au. but technically i think the au i write the most is Modern bc i’m but a simple farmer with a limited mindscape

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

i have 22 user subscriptions vs 199 work subscriptions + 383 bookmarks in total. nice nice nice

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

probably something with a more serious tone (compared to the fluffy wuffy fics i write) like, for example, fatphobia, suicide, and literally just conflict in general. i always feel like im trivializing all of it no matter how hard i try so i just... Give Up because i dont want the backlash ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

i really want to get better at writing conflicts, as stated above lajhdlsadhls. but also i want to be better at planning out stories because i usually give up near the 3/4ths point of literally every multi-chaptered thing i’ve written

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

definitely rarepairs. voltron is like the biggest fandom i’ve ever been in and my biggest ships are all hunk ships, and all of those are rarepairs OTL

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

35!

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

ignoring the fics i’ve completed and posted on ao3, i have about 52. including the above equals 87!!! m a t h

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

i try to write them down but if i write down the thingy i really want to focus on in the fic then i won’t want to write it anymore because it’s out of my head. OTL its a complicated process.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

literally never in my life. 

16. How did you discover AO3?

definitely tumblr. i was in the dragon age fandom and there was this fic called The Little Kadan which had fem!inquisitor/iron bull + a baby so like i was all over that asap. i’m too shy to tag the author but u can find them on tumblr at sickly-writes ,,,,,,

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

nah not at all. i’m pretty Niche

(i.e. if you love shunk and/or heith + cuddling, i’m your gal. but anything else is pretty rare OTL)

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

not in the SLIGHTEST. i call them all babes in my head bc i love them tho

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

i don’t know this @fenri personally but i love their writing so much. i admire their style a WHOLE TON and i think i may have sort of modeled my own after theirs? 

like i’m just thinking about it now but it’s definitely after i reread their fic (*ahem ahem* Like Crystal Guts) for about the fifth time that i started my whole ‘prose-y’ writing, which is very very recent aldjhsal

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

be confident in ur writing! if someone says they don’t like it, your work just isnt for them. just because one single person doesn’t like it doesn’t mean its bad!

r e r e a d what you wrote! i use fromtexttospeech.com to catch like... sentence structure/grammatical errors when my eyes are too tired and i find it helps a lot!

if you find a story you like, try figuring out w h y you like it so much. characterization? the way they describe things? because they use sentence structure you haven’t seen before? and then use that new knowledge to try to make your own writing style your favorite *fingerguns* 

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

i only started plotting fics since last november, which was when i participated in my first nanowrimo. i don’t plot for every single story, but if i’m lost or i want to expand a little, i slap down a bunch of ideas in an empty google doc and go from there! 

generally by then i’ve already written atleast a little bit, though.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

i can’t even remember what it says exactly now since i deleted the fic after, but someone said my characterization was bad in a super old inuyasha fic. little like... 12 year old me was so sad ;w; 

i don’t think i’ve ever gotten a bad comment after that, though? which is NICE

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

DEFINITELY any action scene. i can’t make them long or drawn out or else i’ll just be struggling and sweating and generally craving death. i think i just need practice but o o o o f

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

i have a few hot n spicy prompts i need to finish that i probably won’t get to until next year salhdjsa

plus a few christmas presents! 

and also my pirate au, Wander, which only has maybe 2 chapters left before its complete!

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

*sweats loudly*

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

not in the slightest. generally, if i’m in a writing sprint or something, i’ll try to get over a 1000 for whatever it is, but that’s for the total and not for the session. 

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

definitely! even though i’m still shy, im a lot more open to constructive criticism (if it doesn’t come after my soul ;w;). I’m also getting better at being more descriptive, which is something i’ve always wanted! 

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

i have two. don’t make me choose

the first is technically cheating because it’s part of a series, and the series is my favorite BUT I DIGRESS. The Witch and the Mage (which is... one of my less imaginative names) is an MMO AU in which shiro and hunk are in love and also i have a vague plot outlined somewhere in my drive that’s pretty wild if i do say so myself. i may never write it but its there and its my favorite and i love the imagery i used in it.

the SECOND is a heith cuddle fic, because that’s basically my brand as a writer. it’s called home and i wrote it when i was very tired and couldn’t get to sleep. i may have been craving human contact? who knows in this economy. even though i see a number of things i wish i could fix about it, it’s just very self-indulgent in more than one way and its very dear to my heart. 

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

most of the fics i wrote earlier on are pretty bad imo, but i think the ones i hate the most are part of my You Are Beautiful series. it’s grossly out of character (mostly in keith’s case) but it was the first thing i’d written in about four years and i was so proud of it. so it has to stay up for posterity, tbh.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

i really hope to still be writing by then. maybe with my own personal book in its planning stages atleast???  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) gotta be optimistic!!

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

dialogue? also describing rooms. i love just... randomly popping out something that describes the placement of a couch in relation to a door. 

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

i always always always get distracted when i’m trying to write. if i’m in the zone, someone in my family is definitely gonna try to get my attention. it’s sort of become habit for me to just interrupt myself first so that i won’t lose whatever train of thought i had LMAO

33. Why do you write?

i like the way my words sound when i string them together in the right (write... *badum ts*) way. it makes me Feel Good (tm). 

also i love giving characters (that mean something to me) attention, because it’s like i’m giving MYSELF attention. a two-for-one!

Tagging:

@sleepyhunk, @narwhalsarefalling, @space-peachx, @sammythemattressthief, @bears-again, @kurosakiami01, @maternalcube, @ace-pidge, @darlingmuses

+  if anyone i tagged earlier would like to, i would literally be honored if you would do this! but no pressure, ever <3

[i-aim-to-overanalyze]

Fanfic writers meme: 3, 4, 6, 7, 10, 13, 14, 17, 19, 20, 27, 39, 40, 42, 45, 46, and 50 (my question for #50 is: Your favourite character from any of your fandoms (pick one or several characters you like) is writing a fanfic STARRING YOU AS A CHARACTER. Regarding this fact, what kind of fanfic do you think he/she/they are writing about and how would you feel about you literally being in it?)

Thank you so much for sending in an ask! :D

3. Name three favorite writers.

Ahh, this is a toughie! I’m going to list three writers from different fandoms that I admire a lot.

A. Anappleofdiscord from fanfiction.net I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have a tumblr and even tho it’s been forever since I spoken with her personally, she is an awesome person and an awesome writer. She writes for the Hetalia fandom, focusing on gen stuff centering around England and America. If you know anything about the Hetalia fandom, it’s ridiculously rare to find platonic fics about these two and her fics are like the cream of the crop. Her characterizations are on point, her fics are educational and hilarious (and also a rollarcoaster of emotions) plus she pulls off OCs superbly. If you ever check out her fics, tell her that Listenerofshadows sent you ;)

B. Glimare from fanfiction.net I don’t know her personally, but I love her work in the DC fandom. Sadly, she’s since mostly moved on to other fandoms (which is great for her, if the feeling’s not there, don’t push yourself to write fanfic for certain fandoms) but she has a TON of content and it’s all so good. Her most-well known work is a collection of one-shots known as “Daddy, Not Bats”. It’s an AU where Bruce encounters the bat-kids at a younger age and decides to retire to raise them all. It’s sweet, fluffy and angsty all rolled into one.

C. @elfpen from AO3, Fanfiction.net and Tumblr.  I stumbled across her fanfic Reprise when looking for a good star wars time-travel fanfic to satisfy my needs and boy, DOES SHE DELIVER. Most time-travel fics center around the OT era or Obiwan and/or Anakin traveling to TPM, but hers focus on OT!Obiwan traveling back to the era BEFORE TPM. It’s a great fic, I love the characterizations and her OCs are on-point. Not to mention, she also has a lot of other awesome SW and HTTYD content. 

Putting everything else under the cut because this is gonna get long quick!

4. Name three authors that were influential to your work and why.

A. Anappleofdiscord, again. Because she has actually beta’d my work before and given me great writing advice. I haven’t finished Neverlast, nor barely touched on it, but I’m thankful for her influence she’s played on it.

B. It’s hard to pinpoint my inspiration for my writing, because it’s kinda an intuitive thing? Like, I’ll be writing and a phrase comes up and I’m like “I know I stole that phrase from some fanfic lol” but i don’t know which one??? But basically all the fanfic writers I love are legions above me and I admire them all. But I have to say, I’ve started writing more third-person present tense because of a few good fanfics (but I can’t pinpoint which ones) which it’s a rare tense for a novel to pursue but I love the rhythm of it.

6. How did writing change you?

I’ve been writing before I could even write. Basically as a little four-year-old, I’d make pictures and then dictate to my older sister/mom what the pictures were about, essentially creating a storybook out of it. Since writing has been part of my life for so long, it’s so innate to me like breathing air. I know there’s a lot I could improve on writing, but it’s just a freeing way for me to express myself in a clear and concise manner. In real life, I can be awkward in how I word things and I have a tendency to trip over words or don’t fully pronounce my th-s and s-es. Fanfiction is great because I can explore my favorite concepts of a fanfic in a medium that people can enjoy reading in :)

7. Early influences of your writing

Once I discovered reading was fun (I didn’t learn to read until 2nd grade but that’s okay, because once I did I was reading several grades above my level) I devoured books. Some of my favorite books as a child are: PJO, Chronicles of Narnia, Boxcar Children and Black Beauty. I also did some RPG’ing at a young age, which greatly improved my writing as the constant writing at a rapid pace forced my writing to improve exponentially. There were roleplayers that I admired greatly that I imitated because I wanted my writing to be as good as theirs.

10. how do you do your researches?

Google, man, Google. For example let’s say my fanfic is a historical AU. I know a lot about history, but I might look up a historical site to proofcheck my dates or phrases of the time. Fanfic is nice, because it gives you an excuse to rewatch your favorite show if you wanna make sure you nail the characterizations. I might just look at a fan wiki if it’s a minor detail like what’s Ahsoka’s smaller lightsaber called. 

13. Hardest character to write

Oohhh boy! I think everyone can agree that Yoda and Darth Vader are the two toughest SW characters to write for. It’s hard to get into the head of a 900 yr old troll and Vader is just…really hard? Palpatine is also hard not to make him the typical cookie-cutter villian (Which he is, but I’d like to try to give him some depth). I feel like I write a different take of Anakin every time I write a different AU involving him, but I think that’s because the AUs are at different points of his life and also the AU effects his reaction to things.

14. Easiest character to write.

I know it’s contradictory, but Anakin. He’s definitely chaotic good and it’s fun to write that archtype. I haven’t written much Obiwan (actually I have, but I can’t post it until I write the chapters bridging to him :/) but he’s more lawful good compared to Anakin and throwing those two into the same fic is fun to see. Padme is a fun one to write as well as Ahsoka.

17. Favorite AU to write

I have so many AUs so again, hard choice. Gotta say Impetus, since it’s the most I have written for and I love it. It deals more with the traumatizing effects that slavery/the Jedi have inflicted on Anakin plus an even more problematic Palpatine. I didn’t mean to recreate Palpatine in that fashion he’s basically a pedophile in this AU, the characters kinda just made it happen and I ran with it. It was supposed to be a humorous/fluffy what-if but like everything I touch, it’s also angsty ( ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

19. Favorite fandom to write for

My favorite fandom to write for naturally changes with my interests. I was obsessed with YJ for a while, then Hetalia and now SW. Star Wars is fun to write for because there’s a big audience and it’s pretty easy to find a pocket audience who love the same types of things that you do. YJ will always be my first love. I’m currently writing a fanfic for a YJ fandom event, but I’ve been kinda struggling? I’ve lost my enthusiasm writing-wise even tho I still love it to bits.

20. Favorite Character to Write.

Anakin, probably. It’s funny because I used to never like the PT, but the Clone Wars changed all that. It’s a shame that Lucas went the direction he did for Anakin in PT because TCW uncovered a problematic but likeable hero and I wish we could’ve seen that live-action (It’s not Hayden’s fault btw, the director is the one responsible for what portrayal the actor gives)

27. Best review you ever got.

Okay, so. I used to share an account on FF.Net with a friend and I wrote of a lot of YJ fanfics. One of them was a gen one-shot involving Bart and Jaime that received a good amount of attention. AND A REALLY GOOD FANFIC AUTHOR THAT I ADMIRED AND LOOKED UP TO REVIEWED MY FIC AND I HAVE NEVER GOTTEN OVER IT. I never in a million years imagined that my favorite authors potentially read my fanfics, let alone review/favorite it.

39. Do you want to be published some day?

Kinda. As a kid I’ve always wanted to get published but now I’m not so sure. I’ve never finished any fics other than one-shots and that really has gotten to me. My current goal is to finish at least one of my fanfics but I think I’ve been putting it off because I’m afraid it’s impossible to acccomplish. It’s silly, I know. I just need to do it.

40. Which one of your stories do would you most like to see as a movie/series?

Hmmm….probably my one-shot involving those two bounty hunter OCs. I could just see them trying to survive the universe with the least amount of weird space stuff happening but they seem to get pulled into it anyway. Those two are actually the easiest OCs for me to write, btw.

42. Do you plan or do you write whatever comes to mind?

I’m a weird creature. In life, I like to know things ahead of time. I like things to run exactly the way I planned. I don’t like unexpected variables. but in writing…I rarely outline. I usually write whatever is on my mind. Pure inspiration is awesome…until it runs out and feels like you’re pulling teeth to just to write a single sentence. That’s when I attempt to outline things.

45. Share the synopsis of a story you haven’t published yet

“Whatis love? To a young child slave, it is the words his mother used to caress himafter a brutal beating by their master. It is wrapped in the kisses she givesto each bruise and lullabies that lull him to sleep.” A meta on Anakin’s varying views of love a crappy summary authored by moi

46. Share a scene of a story you haven’t published yet.

Welp. Might as well share from the above fic.

Whatis love? To a young child slave, it is the words his mother used to caress himafter a brutal beating by their master. It is wrapped in the kisses she givesto each bruise and lullabies that lull him to sleep.

Hismaster can freely touch every part of him he wishes. He can say words to him—hecan do anything he like to him.

Hecan say things like, “You know I love you, boy?” and the slave obedientlyanswers, “Yes, master.”

He’sso very young, but he knows that his master’s words and touch are not love.Only his mother’s is. He doesn’t know how to describe it. But he can feel thewarmth behind them, like hovering over a fire on a cold desert night. They arelike a thick blanket made of bantha furs, soft and comforting. They melt awayhis tears and fill his lungs with laughter.

Everyday, his mother tells him “I love you Ani.” and Ani, the slave boy, freelyreplies, “I love you too, Mom!”

Hefollows by her example, smothering her with hugs and tells her silly stories tohear her laughter that rings like the bells at the market stands. Because heknows love is the best medicine to heal anyone. It makes them feel fuzzy insideand they don’t feel so sad knowing someone cares about them.

Hismom gets sad a lot, so he does his best to repel the sadness away. He doesn’tget angry when she’s sad, because she isn’t angry when he’s sad.

“It’sokay to be sad,” She tells him one night as she runs her hands through hishair, “Everyone gets sad, just like how everyone gets angry or happy.”

“Mastersdon’t like it when we’re angry though.” Anakin pouted.

Shepauses; looking down at her son with a sad smile, “No matter what they say,you’re allowed to feel angry, Ani. Bundle it up, and keep it to yourself—andrelease it when they aren’t looking.”

“Areyou ever angry, mom?” He yawned as he snuggled closer.

“Yes.”His mother breathed deeply, and he could feel a bit of her anger—for aninstant.

It ishot—not warm like Love’s fire. No, it burns and consumes him for a moment. Itreminds him of all the bruises and welts that his masters have given him. Angeris selfish and doesn’t love. He doesn’t like seeing the giver of his Love feelthis way. He internally sighs in relief when her anger melts away as he told atale about a funny customer that came in that day.

Hehas never truly felt anger. He flinches from its’ touch and refuses to feel theemotion that his masters are fond of.

50. Your favourite character from any of your fandoms (pick one or several characters you like) is writing a fanfic STARRING YOU AS A CHARACTER. Regarding this fact, what kind of fanfic do you think he/she/they are writing about and how would you feel about you literally being in it?)

I feel like everyone relates when I say I don’t think my life is interesting. I’d pick Cassie from YJ because I feel like she’d be the type to write fanfic. I will say one ironic moment in my life is that I starred in a play as a shy bookworm girl who got the lead role in her school play alongside her crush, the star basketball player, incidentally they ended up together in the end. Everyone irl teased me about this but the truth is….I actually had a crush on the actor himself. We’ve known each other for years and are good friends. And the closest I ever gotten to “kissing” him was a moment in the play where our characters almost kissed before being interrupted by other students. But of course nothing real came of the play and we still remain good friends.  I always note in my head that the hollywood version is that we…would’ve hooked up in the end. I’m sure if I was a fictional character and Cassie shipped me with him and we didn’t get together in the end, she’d be writing a fix-it fic where our pairing is the true pairing in the end. If i wasn’t fictional, I’d feel really weirded out by it. I don’t like fic involving real people in it, especially if it involves ships. I’m almost 90% sure this guy doesn’t have a crush on me and just regards as friends. Which is okay, because I’m not sure if I even want a relationship at the moment.

[le-pokerus]

My thoughts on Sun and Moon

So after a couple of months collecting my thoughts, I finally have written a list of all the stuff I liked and didn’t like about Pokemon Sun and Moon. It’s a long one, so I’ve made it nicer for your dash. (Also heavy spoilers).

Okay imma split this into four sections to make it more organised: 

things I liked about the game

things I didn’t like about the game

things have mixed feelings or am impartial about the game

things that I personally would’ve liked.

Things I liked about the game:

The silliness. In an interview with GF somewhere they said they wanted the game to focus on the fun aspect of Pokemon, so from weird dances to silly expressions and team skull not being taken seriously, I think they nailed it.

The Island Challenge! Despite really liking gyms, I thought the Island challenge was a cool thing that suited alola well (until a certain point, I’ll talk about that later).

Alolan forms. Regional variation is something I found really cool and gave some pokemon (only some) a nice twist (despite some awful forms).

The evolution music. Specifically when a pokemon evolves to or from and alolan form, giving the music a nice Hawaiian-esque sound was a little thing I liked.

A story line that doesn’t involve trying to control a legendary pokemon and using it to try and take over the world (or something like that). Yes all the previous games did it a bit differently and for different means, but by X and Y it was a stale story line and I’m glad they changed it.

Z-moves. Despite them being a bit OP at times, I quite liked them and thought they introduced a nice new battle mechanic.

Apricorn balls. Although you can only get one of each, it was nice them bringing them back even a little bit.

The new graphics. Despite really liking the graphics style of 3rd, 4th, 6th gens, I actually liked the graphics of sun and moon and it made them feel like a modern game.

Island Scan. I am a sucker for new ways of encountering pokemon, pokeradar, rustling grass, dexnav, I love ‘em. Island scan is also great, albeit not perfect and could’ve been improved, it was still a cool thing, and allowed me to catch the johto starters which is always great.

SOS battles. Speaking of new encounter methods, SOS battles not only allowed you to chain for more powerful pokemon, and increase your chances of a shiny, it also allowed you to find pokemon you couldn’t usually catch in the wild, e.g. salamence, snorlax, mereanie, lucario (although lucario was a pain in the arse due to riolu knowing fucking final gambit).

The Alola League. Pokemon leagues were always something that were just there and had been for ages, I loved the fact that the league was formed whilst you progressed and you became the first ever champion. I also liked how you defended your title against a small roster of different people rather than one (although I would’ve liked maybe another new elite 4 member instead of loads of island kahunas).

Team Skull. Honestly one of my favourite villainous teams, they’re silly and stupid and no one takes them seriously, 10/10.

Lillie. CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. Oh my god Lillie is a great character, the way she develops as a character throughout the story line is really well done, and the way she stands up to her mother towards the end is great, and when she leaves is a really sad moment and actually something not done before in a pokemon game.

All the other characters. From Hau to Professor Kukui to Gladion to Lusamine and the Guzma, sun and moon had great characters whith very different personalities and personas. Most of pokemon games, the characters are just there, there’s very little back story or real personality, but sun and moon went so far into these things that honestly it makes the game worthwhile just for them.

The mini map. Having a mini map was cool and made traversing the map easier so you don’t get stuck looking for something in the wrong place.

The music was pretty cool as far as pokemon games go, more memorable than XY but still not as good as previous gens in my opinion.

Magearna QR Code. One of the main problems of pokemon is events that only run for certain times making events such as the aurora ticket, oak’s letter, and genesect impossible to get without cheating in older games. Making Magearna available by a QR code that will never expire makes it so even fans in the future picking up these old games can get this mythical pokemon without hacks and honestly have a better experience for it.

Gridless. Due to limitations of old consoles, pokemon games have stayed to a grid like overworld, and even up to xy and oras they seemed to stay like that. Now don’t get me wrong I really like the grid like map etc. but sun and moon changed that and I love it. It really does make alola seem like a real tropical island based region, and really does change the whole feel of the game.

Added to the pokedex! I like how after evolving pokemon or breeding pokemon, or getting pokemon as gift or through trade that the data for the pokemon is added to the dex on screen, something that i’ve always thought previous games would benefit from.

Things I didn’t like about the game:

The Island Challenge! Wait didn’t I already do this one? Yes I did, but they fit on both good and bad lists (but not mixed feelings). As I stated before, I like the island challenge it was a fun thing that really made sun and moon different. HOWEVER, it just stopped, like the 1st and 2nd islands were great, they had cool challenges and cool leaders, the 3rd island sorta died down, and by the 4th island it had stopped, like it felt as if GF had given up by then, it was just hey there’s one challenge and theirs no trial captain or kahuna, and it’s just 3 straight battles. At least with gyms you were always guaranteed them, there was always a gym nearby and always one to challenge after the main story, but up until the pokemon league I was like where’s the next challenge and then when i got to the league I was like oh, there isn’t one.

Zygarde. Zygarde and its cells did fuck all and was basically just a gimmick.

The Rotom Dex. Oh god where do I start? This thing just doesn’t shut the fuck up. It always has something to say even when you’ve got nothing left to really do. The markers on the map killed the exploration aspect, the unnecessary commentary when you register a pokemon to your dex. Making it difficult to touch the mini map, cuz for some fucking reason you tickle him instead.

The A button. Having the press the A button every god damn fucking time you want to go through a door. Who’s idea was this? There’s no point, it just makes the A button whittle down faster, it should have just been left at walking into it automatically makes you go through.

Fishing. Only being able to fish in certain spots. Stupid idea. 0/10.

Legendary evolution lines. Didn’t like that cosmog evolved into the mascot legendary (through another legendary). Like legendaries are supposed to be these really powerful pokemon that are just there, they’re supposed to have been created like that, not evolve from another pokemon.

Unbreedable evolutions. Speaking of legendaries evolving, I dislike that fact that cosmog and type: null evolve, are not able to breed, and are only available once, it makes a living form dex (my main pokemon quest) very difficult to complete since i have to own another game and go through that story as well to have all the evolution family.

All legendaries are shiny locked. Who’s idea was shiny locking? Not that I’m gonna hunt for them but the off chance of encountering a shiny legendary was always a cool one.

The PC boxes. XY/ORAS PC boxes were great, they were quick, easy to use, and simple. SM boxes were slow, clunky and had some unnecessary changes. They also had very little space compared to the previous gen, despite adding 81 new pokes, they only added two boxes (60 mons), meaning that a living form dex is almost impossible to have on one game.

The Battle Tree. For myself, a filthy casual, the battle tree is impossible. Unless you have made/bred a competitive team, you cannot progress at all. At least with the battle maison they had tiers, so gaining battle points wasn’t tedious. but with the battle tree, there’s just one tier and it’s the worst. You only get one BP for battle (if you win) and you need 1000 alone just to get the mega stones (which are only available there. All I can say is, thank god pokebank gives you BP.

Post game was shit. Again, the post game was lackluster and the looker missions were just doing the same thing a few times with little point to it.

The ultra-beasts. The Ultra beasts, despite being a “massive threat” didn’t do anything at all and were just catch fodder. They also just don’t fit into the pokemon universe (yeah I know they’re from a different universe, but from a franchise point of view, it’s like a halo character in a my little pony universe).

The battle scenes were slow. Too slow from encountering a wild pokemon to being able to battle it.

Surf encounters. Is it still surfing if you don’t use HM03 Surf? Regardless, the encounter rate for pokemon while surfing is ridiculously small, like you do multiple laps of a a pool of water and hardly encounter any at all.

No National Pokedex. Seriously every game has had a national dex in some form (gen 1’s dex was basically national, gen 2′s was national in a different order, ruby/sapphire got one after trading with firered/leafgreen/emerald) like why have they removed this feature? Yes bank has a national dex as of the update, but sun moon doesn’t get one making it more difficult to sort pc boxes, and it means pokes not in the regional dex don’t get a dex entry for sun moon (maybe this’ll get fixed in the future (much like ruby/sapphire was)

Legendary battles. I’m a fan of interacting with the overworld sprite to battle a legendary, however for almost every legendary in sun and moon there isn’t one: the tapus, you interact with the shrine; and the ultra beasts and necrozma are just in the grass, idk it just makes them feel weird.

More than one ultra beast. One weird thing sun and moon did was make more than one of some ultra beasts available, I get that there are more than one and it would make sense for more than one of some to come through, but when you have 4 kartana or 4 pheromosa in your box, it just makes then feel less special.

Event only Z-Crystals. This is tentative since it may be changed in the future but much like as stated before event only stuff is annoying for those who pick this game up in the future. So the snorlium-z and mewnium-z won’t be available to some players and since z crystals are an important thing, it’s kinda annoying.

A small loan of $1,000,000. So after beating the looker missions, you get rewarded with $1,000,000, although this is very nice and means you don’t have to grind for money, I feel it’s a bit too much and makes it so there’s less to do post game.

No auto save after elite 4. Just an annoyance really, all games have saved after the elite 4 and it made me lose some progress cuz it didn’t save. It also doesn’t repeat the credits and send you back home which i liked about the other games.

Experience gain. The way of how experience is calculated has been changed back to the shitty gen V method, where the lower the level you are from your opponent the more experience you gain. This sounds good in theory but the highest levels are 59 in the wild and 63 on the elite 4 which makes getting your team to level 100 or evolving some pokemon very tedious. The only reason it worked in gen v was cuz they had audino literally everywhere and they give a fairly high amount of exp, but there aren’t really any high experience giving pokemon in alola at all.

Things I am impartial or have mixed feelings about the game:

No HM’s. Although having no HM’s allowed me to finally have a six party team (which i definitely used to make sure I have type coverage, 3 fairy types is the way to go), I just missed them and only getting fly and surf post game was annoying since I always have them on my main mons.

Pokepelago. I liked a lot of aspects of pokepelaga, growing berries was made insanely easy (and better that way) gaining evolution stones and rare items was so much less tedious unlike super training, hot springs were cool, levelling up pokes was an option if you wanted. HOWEVER, the pokemon capture method is complete bs. so sometimes a wild pokemon will appear, and when interacted with mohn will say come back tomorrow to see if it likes being here or whatever, but it’s complete chance there is no way to affect if they stay, sometimes they will just disappear for no reason, honestly it’s stupid and reminds me of the awful safari zones in gens 1, 3 and 4 *shudders*.

The Batte Royal. It’s a really cool concept and adds something new to battling but it makes the game lag on all devices and it just feels too short, instead of ending when one person loses all their pokemon, it should’ve been when there’s only one player left and then add up how many pokes were knocked out by each person.

Things I personally would’ve liked:

More previous gen legendaries. Yes, I am aware you can already get 8 legendaries in the game, but there are currently 61 legendaries and mythicals, therefor I would’ve liked to have seen maybe a couple more from those gens, just so it doesn’t feel so secluded. This may also make another case of ORAS where they just added a shit ton of legendaries to make them available in that generation due to xy’s appalling legendary selection, so if they are to make them all available this gen then they might have too many in the next game.

The bicycle. Although there is poke-ride to replace the bike, it’s not the same. the bike has more maneuverability, and the fact that I have to constantly get on and off my poke-ride to get into small places due to their stupid collision boxes is something the bike would fix.

Nebby. Wait it’s not what you think! I love nebby, it’s a great character and has great memes. What i disliked was that after nebby turned into the version mascot, we kept it, yes I get that the player has to get it somehow, but I feel nebby should always have been with Lillie not with someone who met it a few days prior, I think the best way to have done it is if you’re given like a cosmog egg or something (but I guess you had to battle the mascott so idk).

Less spoilers. Not necessarily about the game itself, but GF revealed way too many pokemon prior to sun and moon. One of the biggest things I looked forward to when SM was announced was discovering new pokemon (i’’d never had a game at release so I knew them all prior) unfortunately GF decided that was not happening and showed almost all of them before the games came out, making me lose out on this experience.

A safari zone. No not the crap ones, the ones like gen 6. I would’ve liked a somewhat safari zone where you could catch more pokemon outside of the alola dex, and it would’ve been awesome if you could catch regular versions of the alola forms too.

A post game island. Sun and Moon didn’t add any new places, everything was available to explore before the elite four and i would’ve liked to have a couple of new islands to explore, I’m not talking about another huge island, but maybe just a couple small islands with maybe like a town with cool things on (like the above mentioned safari zone).

Sidequests. Yes this is a common thing for people to want from pokemon games. But sun and moon really lacked things to do rather than the main story. Really the only thing to do is the Battle Tree which is only post game and is awful, or the battle royal which is cool but laggy and over too quickly.

In Conclusion

Great, not perfect, but a hell of a lot of fun, would highly recommend. 8.5/10.

[xottzot]

2018-04(APR)-16th--Monday at this hellhole area--aboriginial kid riding motorcyle on roads-house alarm going off-roaming authorities maybe.

2018-04(APR)-16th--Monday at this hellhole area--aboriginial kid riding mccyle on roads-house alarm going off-roaming authorities maybe.

At around 2pm, a utility (ute) vehicle came along Kalara Way street and parked on the street outside the main criminal aboriginal houeheold.

A man got out and went to the back and began untying the tie-downs there that held a small unlicensed offroad motorbike in place.

I wondered if it was a 'returning' of Police confiscated property of theirs from earlier criminal incidents? because the driver got out with a clipboard and double checked it all before unttying the motorbike and erecting a metal mesh fold-up motorcycle ramp at the rear which he put into position, then wheeled the motrocycle down the ramp onto the road.

By this time there was a small crowd of aboriginals of all ages out the front there and eager to have at the motorcycle.

A small aboriginal kid (primamry school-aged, no older, he put on a white helmet and got onto the motorbike.

At the same time, a member of the public? in a dual-cab station wagon vehicle slowly drove past and was looking at what was going on, and was also looking at the 2 street signs on teh light pole, one saying Kalara Road, the other saying Kalara Way. He drive a littl bit aorund teh corner but just stopped there. Either trying to figure out where he was, or where he was going, or he was looking at the scene of the aboriginal small kid getting on the motorbike on the road, starting it up and then riding down on the road to Clayton Street, where he crossed Clayton Street and went onto Koongamia School property, the oval and such. He coudl be heard riding about at a distance over on that. And probably travelling beyond into Greenmount and who knows where.....

I was busy myself doing stuff at my home, (almost throwing up I was so feeling so bilious sick), but the next thing was that the kid who had taken off ON the unlicensed motorbike ON THE ROAD, was seemingly 'followed' by the dual cab station wagon vehicle which went slowly down Kalara Way street, onto Clayton Street and very slowly was driving along Clayton Street.

I was expecting a Police siren or something.....but there was NOTHING.

The motorbike could be heard travelling all about at a distance.

This is Monday. Tomorrow is Tuesday when kids should be going back to school around here? - But these ones never go to school around here it seems despite it being across the road from them all. This has been going on for years.

The introduction of the unlicensed motorbike is ongoing, because Police have caught them on the roads so many times and they have vanished (confiscated?), only for endless fresh new ones to appear to take their place. This is from a place that supposedly has trouble affording pushbikes, (they steal so many and also mix n'match parts all from them with others, especially from the Koongamia shops area, a favourite target spot), which has been going on for years. Thus involving sirens and Police and countless Police 'visits' to these streets, as well as Police being involved in countless other crimes and crap.

Every day it seems brings new crap.

The only thing missing was countless unleashed dogs barking all over the place and running free all over the roads as has been the case for years and years.

A house alarm was going off AGAIN for AGES today. - It's hard to determine where it was coming from. It sounded like it was coming from the old guys place but it was impossible to determine.

3:30pm and the streets are filled with comings and goings of aboriginal kids all over the place, going to and from and from and to the aboriginal place on Kalara Way street (NOT fatguts place, the place across/adjacent the road from there.) -- This for them is just like any ordinary school day routine........

It's relatively warm-too warm-hot here at this helhole area.

Hot enought to have the air-conditioner on for a short time. Can't afford to have it on all the time.

The night and early AM morning will be cool/cold. - It is Winter here at this hellhole. No rain. Some clouds. But no rain. And everything is dry and dusty and dirt. And the grass is all dying again. And the parrots have been attacking the tree and causing lots of chewed-up gumnuts to fall to the ground or hit things and make a noise wich upsets poor Sam & poor Max and poor me.

My injured arm is aching a LOT. It was seen to today by SC. There was no rain of course. Rain is forecast for later this week....maybe. In winter. It is the nature of this hellhole area.

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I love you dear Fliss and want to be with YOU. -- Poor Sam and poor Max have been upset. They are also overheating in this hovel, as am I. It feels worse than Summer.

NOW at 3:48pm........from out of that same place comes ON THE ROAD a sputtering motorcyle. It's an ofroad motorcyle. It's ridden by an older aboriginal youth. There is a literal crowd of them all on the street verge by the roads edge to see him off and then greet him on his return. Around 11 of them. The small aboriginal kid from before ios wearing a white helmet. Nobody else wears a helmet there. And he's agitated like a spoilt child not being allowed to be let on his 'toy', falpiing is arms around and yelling.

AND......from the house NEXT door to that one around 4:47pm, out comes an older aboriginal youth on a yellow offroad motorbike. He tears off up ON the road, without any helmet of course and the bike is an offroad and unlicensed one and noisy (but 4-stroke?) and he tears off on the road to the Koonamia shops area. Stays there for a short while, then flies back again ON the roads and also all on the dirt street verges tearing up all the dirt.

ALL THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS......

It's like a 'party atmosphere' for them all, they have an old lounge suite on the street verge outside and that's been there for many days. The mix of aboriginals includes girls and females too. It's a literal party for them all on the streets. The kid with the white helmet on has vanished. The older ones now are running all over the streets.

It's 4pm and some people are returning on the roads from being at work. Whether they meet and accidently smash into any offroad motorbikes and cause injuries is anyones guess. So many of them have their hands/forearms in bandages already.

The place with the removeable piece of front fence has already parked his black/dark sportscar vehicle hours ago once more literally right next to the front door of his house by driving it inside the yard there and closing/wiring shut the fence partition. A somewhat wise decision given the amount of criminals tearing about all over the place.

I have a terrible headache. There is nothing that will touch it. Sleep of course is impossible no matter how exhausted I am. I am never ever allowed to sleep at this hellhole.

School may resume tomorrow officially but that means nothing about this hellhole area. It seems tehy are going all-out to try to do as much shit as they can before they go back to school.....that is the few ones who DO go to school.......at this hellhole area.

No rain. Only dust and morning condensation. That guarentees the worst. The air is dusty and now full of foul exhaust fumes. And the damne big jet airplanes......they are being loud in the air overhead from Perth airport...there is NO PEACE at all........

Pain all over and within me.........

Poor dear Sam and dear Max are flaked out all over the inside of this place in this horrible temperature and dust of this hellhole........

Gawd......ANOTHER LOUD big jet airplane flying overhead.......

4:25pm.....and the aboriginals have currently now 'collected' their motorbike(s) and stored them away in the house next door to them or through a hole in the fence. Police andor any authorities are utterly useless with dealing with any of this it seems because this shit has been going on for years and years and years and years......dear Fliss saw this rising up herself........but she did not see what all this has become........Fatguts the aboriginal drug dealer has been gone and replaced by others aboriginals who are just as bad as anything and constantly walk across the road back and forth day and night at all hours and in cars and there is no end only just 'gaps' between events of shit that goes on around this hellhole area......

Any rest or sleep is impossible.......poor Sam and poor Max are now being tormented by R eating food it front of them and not giving them anything.

I love you dear Fliss and so very much wish to be with you. Your children miss you incredibly.

I love you dear Fliss and so wish to be with you just as you promised..........

Then ANOTHER loud plane overhead just as I am about to send this upline.......