#just PAIN

[sarawritestories]

You're On Your Own Kid, You Always Have Been

Cassian X Fem Reader

Summary: Starting off your relationship when you were young, you and Cassian lived for centuries, in a happy, loving, relationship, that is until Nesta Archeron swept the General off his feet and left you abandoned his friends you thought were yours, following the new mated couple. You were utterly alone with nothing but a shattered heart to show for it.

Dedicated to @thelov3lybookworm, who encouraged me to write this! Buckle up! You're in for a treat!

Content Warning: Disordered eating, the IC being absolutely terrible, abandonment, feelings of worthlessness, feeling alone and lost, no happy ending for mentioned pairing. Let me know if I missed any.

If you see mistakes... no you didn't.

ACOTAR MASTERLIST

🖤🖤🖤

You looked at your reflection for the first time in months. You barely recognized yourself anymore. Your cheeks and eyes were sunken, your ribs were protruding, and your skin held an ashy undertone that wasn't there before.

This is what abandonment looked like.

Longing stares never returned, his hand adjusting to evade your touch. A bed is left cold on one side. Friends who once joined you in joyous laughter barely acknowledge you at dinner. You had become a disease that no one knew how to handle but would be relieved if you disappeared.

It hadn't always been this way.

Warm calloused hands holding you close the scent of leather and sandalwood surrounding you. Cassian nibbling your ear, or stealing you away during meetings to steal a kiss, maybe two. Dinners at the rainbow, watching a storm roll through Velaris in the comfort of your balcony and his arms.

The early days of your relationship consisted of stolen kisses, discussions of hopes and dreams, that as centuries went by, morphed into talks of building a future a family. He was your person, and you were his, and life seemed bright.

Until you weren't.

Nesta Archeron was not a female to compete with. And how could you? She was elegant and sharp, and she was beautiful. She also challenged Cassian, fighting back with that quick, sharp tongue of hers, ways you never did. Then you felt it before he did, the shift, the snap. He had found his mate.

It wasn't you.

And the heartbreak of that fact would have been fine had Cassian consoled you in any way. When you needed his comfort and touch most. He was gone. He first stopped coming to bed, and when he did, he turned and faced away from you. The action alone made you feel like he was doing it as a chore, not because he found comfort in your warmth. Maybe he even thought he was being kind. It just deepened the wound festering in your soul.

Next was his things, books went missing, then his weapons. It was when you walked in on the Illyrian packing his things that he confronted you. "She needs me, sweetheart. I can not abandon my mate."

But I can abandon you.

A hand on your shoulder was the only comfort you received. His face held no remorse for the pain he was putting you through. You cried in your bathroom it wasn't until the next morning when you were in the same position the cool tile kissing your skin that you realized you had fallen asleep. You didn't leave your room for days, and no one came in to check on you. Not a single knock. Turns out you were only worth loving so long as Cassian did.

And he didn't. He had Nesta.

You had no one.

You were beginning to sink to a dark, inky place, the wound in your heart growing with infection, and your heartbreak was turning into rage. The feeling scared you. You ran to the one person you thought would be able to help you.

The High Lord of the Night Court.

You knocked lightly on his door. "Come in." His tone short. You walked in, not letting yourself think too hard about how busy he must be. He didn't even raise his head when he said, "I've been wondering when you would come visit." He leaned back in his chair, violet eyes, meeting yours. "Please sit."

You sat at the seat in front of him and took a deep breath. "So you know why I'm here?"

"Cassian and Nesta?" He quirked a brow, and you nodded he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. As if you were a hindrance in his life. Kind, loving, Rhysand, even found your presence as an inconvenience. "What would you like me to say, Darling? They are mates they are allowed to be together."

You dug your nails into your palms, trying to reign in the rage. "So you're okay with him not even saying two words to me since they met?" Your voice began to rise in volume, "He tried packing his things in times I wouldn't be home so he could avoid talking to me." Your rose from your seat and Rhysand stilled as lights flickered around you that you failed to notice. "You all act like I'm not apart of this family anymore. I could dissappear tomorrow and no one would care if you even noticed at all."

"So leave." The lights snuffed out completely. You thought it was Rhysand's power never once, considering it might be your own that had laid dormant for centuries. Or that said power stirred something deep in the realm where a manor resides on a lake. You could only focus on Rhysand's words and the cold tone he said them.

He was no longer your friend. He was your High Lord. Nothing more.

"Well. I won't stay where I'm not wanted. I would have thought a relationship that had lasted centuries deserved him, at least telling me he wanted to try with Nesta." Tears were falling and you didn't stop them, "I wouldn't have fucking stopped him. I would have been happy for him. He didn't say a word. He took the cowards way out. You all did."

"I'm sorry, Darling." Rhysand didn't mean it. The smirk on his face said it all.

You turned and walked away, pausing at the door. "No. You're not. But one day you will be." And you stormed out. Not bothering to grab your belongings, you didn't need the reminder of the court of dreamers casting you aside as if you were their personal nightmare. Not interested in speaking with anyone. They weren't interested in stopping you from leaving.

You. Were. Done.

🖤🖤🖤

You walked for hours, your feet were sore, back drenched in sweat the most you had done in months, since Cassian didn't care if you had shown up for training or not. Needing rest, you found a tree to lean against. The sun began to set, and you were ready to give up. Let the beast of the forest consume you whole. If you died, then maybe the ache in your chest would cease and you could be free again. Whole again.

You again.

You sipped from your canteen when you heard humming. Your pointed ears perked as a hunched over woman approached you. You recognized her from Rhysand, projecting Nesta's memories into your head. For extra torture, he had "accidentally sent a memory of Cassian pleasuring Nesta," You had sobbed profusely that night. "Briallyn." You whispered.

The crone stopped in her tracks. She turned to you, your eyes locked on one another, and you couldn't help but relate to her. She wanted a better life for herself, only to be thrown in the cauldron and spat back out. Both of you former shells of what you used to be. "My my, you look positively dreadful."

You snorted, "So do you."

She laughed, "What brings you out here alone? That brute finally get sick of you?"

You sharply inhaled a breath at the question. "He did, actually. I am doomed to wander these lands courtless," If you even lasted the night.

Briallyn waved her hand in dismissal, her now aged hand grabbing your too frail hand. "Not all who wander are lost, dear. I was asked by a friend to retrieve you."

"Who is your friend?"

"Someone who has a special interest in you my dear." And the Human Queen turned Crone led you from the forest further from the town you once called home and the only thing on your mind?

It was nice to be holding someone's hand.

🖤🖤🖤

The throne room was dark and cold, as if death itself resided here. The only vibrant color here was the Phoenix that was in her cage, pulling to break free.

Vassa was here.

Briallyn squeezed your hand, and you felt comfort by the warmth of her touch. As you approached the male on the dais. He looked young, and you gasped as his beauty was beyond compare. The most beautiful male you have ever seen. And then he grinned, and your heart fluttered. The General of the Night Court long forgotten as you stared in the males cold eyes. Briallyn bowed, tugging your hand as you made to do so too.

"No, need to bow, Pet." You paused, straightening your posture once more. "Do you know who I am?"

You swallowed the sudden lump in your throat. "You go by many names. Old god, death lord, most call you Koschei." Your voice held a tremor as you were in the presence of a powerful being. A being whose brother once went toe to toe with the Lord of Bloodshed and almost killed him.

Koschei nodded, "Come closer, let me take a look at you." You looked to the former Human Queen in panic, afraid to lose her touch. "I promise I don't bite." You approached the dais and couldn't help the trembling convulsing through your body. The death of the Lord's dark eyes roamed your body. He rubbed his angular jaw, and your eyes met his lips as he tucked the lower one behind his teeth.

Beautiful, he was absolutely breathtaking.

His voice broke you from the trance like state. "My dear, someone has hurt you? What did they do to you?" He leaned forward, grabbing your hand and placing a light kiss on your knuckles. Tears brimmed your eyes. When was the last time someone harbored any affection toward you. "Tell me, sweet girl." Another kiss and your composure broke. You fell to your knees, and a matter of hours went into painstaking detail of how the Night Court had abandoned you. When you finished, there was a lightness in your chest.

Maybe there was hope.

"Oh, you poor thing." Koschei cooed, tilting your chin to meet his cold eyes, "If I had you, I wouldn't let you go so easily." He wiped the stray tears from your face. "Be mine, and never feel that pain again."

You lip wobbled as the cries of the Phoenix caged beside the old god broke your attention, the shrieks louder than before. Koschei gripped your chin and had you facing him once more, his face inching forward. His lips pressed yours, gentle and promised warmth, love, power. You felt as though he was breathing life back into you, and you relished in his lips touching yours. He pulled away, "What do you say, Little One?" A voice in the back of your mind screamed:

Right

Right

Right

You smiled for the first time in well over a year,"I want to be yours, Koschei." Magic thrummed around you as his smile turned sinister, gold chains clamping to your wrist, a collar latched around your neck. Scantily clad in a black sheer tip, only covering your breast and a skirt that barely covered your ass.

Koschei smirked as he gripped your waist and placed you on his lap. "What a formidable pair we shall be, my pet." Making a onyx crown and a matching ring appear, he gently placed the crown atop of your head, sliding the ring on your finger. You admired the ring, a small smile on your face, and something pulled at your chest at the thought:

He was claiming you. And you loved it.

Looking at the beautiful face of death and pressing your lips to his, ignoring the rattling of the former human queen beside you. You adjusted yourself, so you were straddling his lap. You opened your mouth for him, and he accepted. His hand gripped your ass as your kisses became tongues and teeth clashing. You forgot what this felt like. To be held to be kissed with such passion.

To simply be wanted.

"My Queen of Darkness." He murmured, threading his fingers through your hair, "You don't even know how powerful you are." He yanked your hair, and you moaned. "I'll show you." He bit down on the tender flesh connecting your collar bone to your neck, and you moan as his hand gripped your breast. "You magnificent creature." You smiled at the sky.

This is what being worshipped felt like.

Snap

Koschei paused, removing his hand from your pert nipple he slide his hand to the back of your neck. Love and adoration in his eyes, lips swollen, "Tell me, as you are to me my bride. What gift shall I get you for our ceremony?"

What did you want?

You smiled Koschei, noticing the mischievous glint in your eye. "The General of the Night Court's Armies and his Little Lady of Death here chained like the dogs they are."

Koschei brought your face down to his. His mouth lingering over yours, "Anything for my Cruel, Beautiful, Mate." The gold thread wrapped around your heart tying you to him as he crashed your lips onto him.

Not even caring that Vassa had broken free from her cage and soared to the Human Realms.

To be continued?

[ssaraexposs]

I think I've seen this film before and I didn't like the ending....

[doublxpresso]

「Your absence」

page 3 - 4

beginning < . > page 5 - 6

/!\ Content warning: Implied character death Updates on sundays and wednesdays + early updates on my kofi :3

[ihavetraumaandimgay]

The worst thing that can happen to any of Batfam members, that will Absolutely DESTROY them is I think having an terminally/Chronically ill loved one, why?

Because these people are used to solving things with fists, guns, acrobatics, computers and their genius minds but they are completely useless against an illness and not being able to take the pain away from their loved one will destroy them

[missninapea]

Heartbroken...💔

...

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

[dahjinseok]

his apartment passcode is 1031

[theeleventhhour]

NOT THE QUICK BLINKING AT THE BEGINNING TO HOLD THE TEARS 😭

[seraphzrequiem]

I love Leon and I love how capcom actually gave Leon and the people around him so much character development and underlying trauma in the remake. Also, apologies if the last to panels look vastly different than the first, i actually finished this today and the first one i did it like 5 days ago cause i had camp :(( i havent drawn since sighs

[herarcadewasteland]

Tears Like Raindrops

A/N: the way i sobbed while writing this is crazy 😭 just needed to get some angst out of me honestly so y’all get this.

i suggest listening to Empty Box while reading for extra angst cause that’s what i was listening to

——

mafia!ateez au

ANGST ANGST ANGST ANGST

mentions of guns, shooting, character death, mentions of alcohol

—————

You watched him with a heavy heart, his eyes staring straight through your soul as tears slipped down your cheeks. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. Nothing was supposed to go wrong. Yeosang said he had it all under control, his eyes watching the security cameras in the mansion with an intensity you couldn’t fathom. Your breathing hitched, thinking back to what had happened so quickly.

—

Your steps echoed in the long hallway, the fancy dress Hongjoong gave you brushing against your ankles with its glittery fabric. You thought it was excessive, your Captain disagreed and so did your husband. You met him through Hongjoong one day while you were walking through your favourite park late at night. He had quite literally run into you, Yunho behind him and him following closely as he laughed at the clear embarrassment flooding his leader's face as Yunho apologized to you. You waved off their apologies easily, observing them and introducing yourself shyly, tucking your hair behind your ear as you made eye contact with each of them.

You were attached to their sides for the rest of the night, racing through the park and the empty streets with carefree laughs… and then you were hooked on him. The rest was history and needless to say your now husband loved everything you wore, because it was on you. You scoffed to yourself at the thought, eyes tracing the walls of the hallway as Yeosang piped up through your in-ear.

“Guard coming from the left. Do your thing, Y/N.”

You straightened your posture, stumbling your steps to the left so you crashed into the guard with your empty wine glass in hand. The glass shattered and you gasped, bending to pick up the pieces as the guard moved to help you.

“I’m so sorry! I tripped over something and couldn’t catch myself!”, your eyes were wide and full of tears as you looked up at the guard when he stood with the broken glass.

“No worries ma’am. Can I help you get somewhere? Guests aren’t allowed to be up here.”

“I’m so sorry! I was just looking for a washroom to freshen up! The one downstairs was taken and it’s urgent. You understand?”, you said, acting coy.

The guard hums and points you in the direction of the washroom, watching you go with a suspicious look as he reports the activity. Yeosang catches on, having hacked into the radios, and calls to everyone about your incident with the guard and his following report. Everyone finds each other’s gazes in the crowd, slight panic washing over them and you as you pushed your way into the washroom. You sighed heavily, speaking freely as everyone but Yeosang had an open connection. 

“Fuck. I didn’t think he’d be so suspicious! What now?”

“Make the switch, Mingi will be up momentarily.”

You hum at him, lifting the long skirts of your dress off and shove it into the garbage can, pulling a new dress from under the sink and changing into it in 30 seconds flat. You hum a little tune to yourself as you wash your hands afterwards, making your way back out into the hall just as Mingi comes up the stairs, a guard hot on his tail.

“Ah! That’s where you went, love. I was wondering where you had gotten too!”

“I’m so sorry to worry you, baby. The washroom was occupied downstairs.”, you pout up at him, your hands finding a place on his chest even though you cringed internally at doing it with someone who wasn’t your husband. 

The guard walks past you, seemingly not recognizing you with your dress change. It changes in a split second when you smile at Mingi while the guard walks past you both. The realization crosses his face and he presses something on his belt, Yeosang missing it by a single second as he talked to him about the escape route. Your head spun with the speed of the following events, Mingis hand grabbing your own and pulling you into a sprint as five guards booked it at you from around the corner, Hongjoong calling a retreat as Yeosang panicked, his voice frantic in your ear as he guided you down the stairs and through the crowd that had almost completely vanished except for your group.

 You looked around in shock at how fast the large group of people had cleared out, calling out for Yeosang as Hongjoong ushered the rest of you to the door with frantic waves of his hand, a gun in his other. Your feet hit the bottom of the stairs and then so did your body, your ears ringing at the echo of the gunshot that hit your arm. You cried out, falling into Mingi as your husband rushed over, shooting at guards as the others followed suit. Mingi double wielded guns to make up for your injured arm, bullets flying left and right as chandeliers shattered and guards dropped like flies. You almost breathed in relief until Yeosangs voice blocked out everything.

“Y/N WATCH OUT”

Everything slowed in that moment, your eyes darting around frantically to try and find the threat. A lone shot ringing out through the ballroom from the second floor, your eyes meeting your husbands as he was suddenly in front of you with a sad smile. And then he wasn’t. Time moved normally again, your knees buckling as your hands shook violently, Yeosang talking about more and final guards that the boys shot down without hesitation. A heart wrenching sob broke through your chest as you rested hands on his, blood seeping through your fingers as the boys surrounded you with tears in their own eyes.

Yeosang was shouting about him and Seonghwa coming to help, but you pulled the in-ear out, the blood rushing past your ears too loud for more noise. You heard muffled voices, the boys trying to talk to you. But you couldn’t move. You applied as much pressure to his chest as you could until he grabbed your hands in his own trembling ones.

“It’s okay, my love.”

“NO. LET ME HELP YOU!”

He smiled at you sadly, his eyes creasing lightly as tears fell down his cheeks like they did yours.

“Shhh, shhh. It’s okay. Listen to me, Y/N.”

You sniffled, nodding at him lightly so he would continue even if it broke your heart into a million more pieces the more time passed without Seonghwa at his side as well.

“I would do this a million times over, my love. Only for you. I wouldn’t change a thing about our time together, it’s the happiest I’ve ever been. It’ll be okay, don’t worry. The boys will take care of you now. I love you, Y/N. More than I ever thought possible.”

You sobbed harder as you screamed into the air for Seonghwa to hurry his ass up, Hongjoong placing a gentle hand on your shoulder as you looked back down to your husband, his eyes glassy as the tears fell like raindrops from your cheeks onto his own. 

“I’ll find you again, my love. We’ll meet under the stars once more.”

You shook your head, your grip tightening on his hands as his fell limp. The scream that tore at your throat made the boys cry, the tears they were holding back for your sake falling heavily as they watched their brother take his last breath. Your scream rang through the room for a moment longer as Seonghwa and Yeosang burst through the doors, slowing to a stop when Hongjoong looked back at them with tear-tracked cheeks and shook his head. The two walked up slowly, completing the circle around you and your now dead husband. It felt bittersweet, having them all around you like they had been at your wedding in that same park. But now you could only sob from the pain as you watched the twinkle leave his eye.

—

Now, Hongjoong squeezed your shoulder gently. You looked back at him as the tears tracked down your cheeks in an unstoppable downpour, his eyes filled with the same pain. An unspoken apology spoken through his eyes as he nodded at you.

“We need to go.”

Your tears picked up in speed, your breath hitching again at the thought of leaving him like this. You shook your head frantically, fighting San’s hold as he picked you up to carry you out, your husband’s blood staining his shirt as you clawed at his back with heart wrenching sobs. 

“Let me go! We can’t leave him!”, you managed to escape from Sans grip, running straight back to his side as you clung onto his body.

You whispered and whimpered ‘I love you’s into his hair as you cried harder, rocking back and forth as San grabbed you from under the arms again. You screamed ‘no’ at him, his hands leaving you slowly as he looked back at his friends with teary eyes, pain written all over his face as they shared your loss. They all felt your sobs like a shot to their own hearts, memories of your happy giggles and bright smiles with him by your side running through their heads. 

As they thought about the happiness you experienced with their brother at your side, you clung to him harder. Until you didn’t. You set him down slowly, the boys watching as you closed his eyes gently and laid gentle kisses over both as your tears glossed his face.

“We’ll meet again under the stars, Jongho. I love you.”

You stood slowly, letting San guide you away with heavy steps and hearts as you stared at the ground. We’ll meet again, you thought, sitting in the back of the van with tears falling from your cheeks. Like raindrops. 

[pixle-cat]

Btw yall I had this idea and decided to give the pain to you too! What if the stranger reused the og Sasha's skin during the unknowing, and they all saw her without knowing it was her real face :]

[you-know-honey]

Idk if you write for copia it if ur requests are open but could u write copia x fém!reader where they go ta a bar and they get into an argument or something and reader ses copia kissing some girl or some and reader gets really mad? I hope u get what I mean idk how to explain it

Oh, I think I understand what you're saying, I usually don't write dramas because they get out of hand, but I love tea, so let's spill some on the carpet ;) (I hope you like it even with the slight change, sorry for the delay)

Tower of Cups

Copia x Fém!reader

1/4

Summary: Even nice guys turn into jerks with the right amount of ego.

Word Acount: 5589

Warning: This might hurt your heart, reader.

The lights in your study were the only ones on in that part of the abbey, your index fingers and thumb were red from so many wounds with the needle and you had bled more than once. The moonlight crossed the huge window behind you and distorted your shadow, you sighed tiredly and passed the needle over the beautiful light blue fabric again, you raised your gaze to the photo on the desk and smiled, gaining strength again.

The candle next to the painting showed Copia smiling goofily with a small rat on his shoulder and you giving him a kiss on the cheek, something that made Copia blush, absolutely happy. That motivated you to continue embroidering each of the details by hand, you wanted it to be perfect for your beloved now Papa.

For weeks you had been finishing Copia's second papal suit, every detail counted and you wanted it to be perfect, as he deserved.

You hadn't been able to be present the night he was promoted to Pope, something you clearly regretted. Since that night they had barely seen each other, he spent all his time busy and away from the Minister. That made you sad, you knew that with the new position would come new responsibilities but were there so many that he couldn't stop for even a second?

Several nights you waited for him in his room but he did not arrive, you even baked a cake to celebrate but when it began to dawn you knew that he would not arrive and the rats simply took advantage of it more, they were thin and dirty as if Copia had not fed them for some time . Something strange about him, you wanted to ask him for explanations but the opportunity was never given due to his absence.

That whole situation was breaking your heart, you missed walking through the abbey holding his hand, seeing him try on his suits and looking at him excitedly, playing video games together or simply listening to him practice songs. You missed that sweet man, now you only looked at him through photos and he looked intimidating, like Cardinal he was sweet and tender but like Papa it was as if his sweetness had evaporated. You didn't want to think about everything that had changed but every day it became more obvious the abyss that was beginning to form between the two of you.

You glanced at your phone, 2:15 AM and no message from Copia.

You gave in to fatigue and left the palia on the table with the needle still embedded in the fabric, you grimaced when you saw the damage on your hands, they stung like an open wound. You didn't like this strange silent treatment on Copia's part, the loneliness in the abbey was eating you alive. You were tired of having to wait for him to approach you again, his silly silent treatment had you fed up, if he wanted to avoid you he wasn't going to succeed.

"Because..?" You murmured to the darkness as if it were going to give you the answer. And maybe he did.

The white light and the roar of a car engine cut the raw silence. You knocked over the small wooden bench as you stood up and rushed against the window, a 1933 Bentley parked in the driveway, a ghoul got out of the driver's seat to open the door. You held your breath in your lungs as you grabbed your coat and ran out of your study, jumping the steps three at a time until you reached the first floor and rushed to the door. You exhaled the air, and waited anxiously like a puppy for the door to open.

"Y/N? What are you doing here?" Asked Sister Imperator, who appeared at the door, she looking really tired.

"Oh I…I thought…it was someone else.." You responded disappointed, you really wanted to see Copia walk through that door but once again he wasn't there. You gave Sister a small bow and stepped aside so she could pass.

The woman walked and she stopped in front of you, letting the cold sneak in a little and chill the inside of your lungs. Looking outside you could see Mountain taking Sister's belongings down and passing them by to take them to the main office and Sodo waiting leaning against the car.

"Were you expecting someone else?" I ask you, with that insightful look.

"Yes…" You sighed, taking some courage from your gut to look the woman in the eyes. "I thought Papa Emeritus IV had arrived. He must be very busy, right?"

"Oh" he laughed a little "Of course, the Clergy has him very busy" you felt like he was laughing at you for your innocence of something you didn't know about. "Well, good night."

Sister placed her hand on your shoulder and gave a light squeeze, then retreated, until all that was left was the echo of her footsteps on the stairs.

You looked back at the car, Sodo was getting into it again, maybe to leave it in the garage. You bit your lower lip indecisively, normally it was necessary to notify each time someone left, you will receive a reprimand for leaving like that but…

"Fuck everything" you clutched your coat to your chest and closed the Minister's doors behind you, hurrying down the small steps to get to the car that was restarting its engine "Sodo!" You knock lightly on the window.

The engine turned off again and the window rolled down, the ghoul had a clear grimace of displeasure. "What?" I ask annoyed.

"Do you know where Copia is?" He sighed and nodded "Would you take me with him?" I asked him in the best tone you could muster in the face of his sour attitude.

"Ha!" He mocked, baring his fangs in a grim smile. "What makes you think I'll take 'overtime' for you?"

"It could be your good deed of the year" his face said it all, it didn't seem like a big deal to him, you cleared your throat you didn't like using blackmail but you really needed to know where he was "If you don't take me to Copia I'll tell him to Sister Imperator about your loving relationship with a certain ghoul" You threatened firmly.

Sodo's back straightened and her mouth fell silent with little "You wouldn't be able to," she spat the words in your face. Baring his fangs just like a predator.

"Try me," you murmured, moving closer to his mask. You kept your gaze steady and as strong as you could.

"Ahg" he complained angrily and hit the steering wheel "Get in at once"

Smiling, you crossed in front of the car and opened the passenger door. "No, no," Sodo said mockingly, your brow furrowed "Your game, my rules," he pointed to the back seats.

"Whatever" you rolled your eyes and pulled the passenger door to open the back one, you sat down and closed the door.

Sodo started the engine again and abruptly turned around and left the Ministry roundabout driving like a maniac, on purpose. He would take you to the place, if you arrived unharmed it was not his problem, plus he was not at all happy to follow orders from someone as low-ranking as you, a simple dressmaker. You hit your head a couple of times against the glass and your face slammed into the seat in front of you. In your mind you couldn't stop cursing Sodo.

Thinking that the place where Copia met with the Clergy must be quite serious, something simple but denoting some importance. But that wasn't what greeted you when Sodo slammed on the brakes.

"You've got to be kidding me…" you mumbled as you looked out the window.

In front of you stood a huge building, the loud music made the windows of the first floor resonate, from the windows of the other floors that you could see, you could see flickering lights and dancing silhouettes, there was a huge line of people waiting to enter, girls with short satin dresses and heels of at least 13 cm. You got out of the car with your mouth open, this was not at all what you expected, a part of you felt anger ¿meetings? yes of course…

Sodo closed the door on his way out and stopped next to you.

"You weren't expecting this, were you?" He asked, the situation made him laugh.

"Not at all," you pressed your jacket closer to your body, feeling the judgmental gaze of some of the girls.

"Do you still want to come in?" Sodo ask you.

"Yes" you had many questions that had to be answered that same night or you would go crazy.

"Good"

Sodo took your wrist and made his way with surprising agility through the people, some were clearly complaining but no one stopped them, they reached the door and the security guard quickly recognized the demon.

"And her?" I ask as I see you become symbolically small after Sodo.

"She is a guest of Pope Emeritus IV." Sodo clarified, the guard hesitated for a few seconds but finally opened the door for them.

You wouldn't be lying if you said that you almost vomited upon entering, the air was intoxicated with cigarette smoke and marijuana, the music didn't let you hear your own thoughts, many bodies out of nowhere were rubbing against you and the flashes of light hurt your eyes too much. Sodo held her grip on your wrist as he walked through the horny crowd.

You didn't understand why Copia, your dear Copia would be in a place like that, he hated parties, he was a man of movies and blankets, who preferred to play with his tricycle before having a fairly formal dinner. This was not a place where the Copia you knew would want to spend his nights. What about his rats? From walks through the abbey? What about you, did he leave you because of all this?

Sodo takes you to the elevator, where there is a suspicious puddle of 'water' and some red panties, both of you avoid the puddle and personally avoid touching any part of the elevator.

"What is he doing here…" a bad feeling begins to bite your heart.

"I don't know, since he became Pope he's been here" Sodo responds, you hadn't asked expecting an answer but that only fueled your uncertainty.

Sodo marked the last floor, the doors closed and the music finally stopped being so loud, that was like a respite for you, as you passed through each floor you could hear different types of music and quite private sounds. You were absolutely uncomfortable with the whole situation but you still couldn't stop thinking about Copia, would he be as uncomfortable as you here?

On the top floor there was nothing but soft music and the murmur of many people, when the doors opened and all eyes fell on you and your outfit, so inelegant and in keeping with the situation, you stood out and not in a good way. The men in suits looked you up and down with disgust and the girls in tiny scraps of clothing that left nothing to the imagination whispered about you shamelessly.

No one asked questions, since I was accompanied by a ghoul, everyone thought that even though you were dressed terribly, you knew what was happening. Clear mistake.

"Okay, I'll leave you here" Sodo responded pushing you out of the elevator. "I'll wait for you in the car."

"No! Wait-" You turned quickly but it was too late, the doors had already closed and the screen above them indicated that it had started to go down. You turned around again, facing the situation, everyone had continued with their thing.

You took a long breath and began the search, shyly you made your way through the people, you felt some hands touch your butt and even squeeze it, you held back a scream so as not to make a fuss, reminding yourself that you were there for one reason only. The mixture of perfumes was beginning to overwhelm you, some strong, others sweet, you looked at a dark area, few people were there, there were tables with small desserts and a tower of wine glasses, you mixed with the people again and you arrived. You sighed, the search was resulting in failure but you didn't want to stop.

"Oh…dolcezza…" You heard someone sigh, you knew that voice, it was unmistakable in your head and that nickname…Copia used to call you that, but now you heard it in a dirty and erotic way.

You turned instinctively, between the small space that there was between one glass on the other you saw him, the most unmistakable man, his arms, his hair, his legs, his voice… You simply drowned out the worst scream of your life, your lips showed a grimace of pain and disappointment, the bad feeling was true and tore off a piece of your heart, mocking your foolish innocence, the air was beginning to run out of your lungs, your hands began to sweat and tremble. You wanted to become as small as an atom and simply disappear, but a first glance was not enough, your mind denied that that man was Copia.

Behind the wine glasses were small 'privates', rooms with comfortable velvet seats, dim lights and translucent curtains. Sitting in those comfortable seats was Copia, with his legs extended and his white silk shirt open, his chest stained with kiss marks from red lipstick, taking a little from the wine glass in his hand…as if he were the damned boss of the place. Your gaze went up to her face and the image broke your heart, you had to put your hand to your chest to make sure you were alive.

Copia's hair was messy, the makeup on his face was stained with red lipstick, including his lips as well. Oh sure, let's not forget about them, the same lips that had whispered romantic poems to you at night were now literally devoured in a fierce and passionate kiss with a half-naked girl who grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, surely to take him to more intimate terrain, he didn't seem upset or surprised or disgusted, he wanted her too, you could see the same carnal desire in his eyes as in hers.

Your stomach turned, determined to get out everything it had in it, your mind was broken looking for excuses for what you saw and your heart just kept bleeding in front of everyone. You ran a hand through your hair, that whole situation was too much for you, it drowned you like a stormy sea, the tears came out of your eyes without stopping and cut your cheeks like razors, then something saved you, the only feeling that can help a person broken heart, the only feeling that is stronger than love. The wrath.

Your face changed completely, it hardened, you wanted to see how much of a 'boss' he was in front of you. You raised your leg and pushed the table on which the wine glasses rested, as was logical the table overturned and each of the glasses crashed on the floor, shattering and spilling their contents on your targets.

The noise caught the attention of everyone who turned to look at you, not understanding what the hell was happening. The girl on Copia's lips walked away exalted and screamed in surprise, both were covered in wine and this did not please Pope IV at all.

"Who the fuck did this?!" He exclaimed, standing up annoyed, you laughed, as if he could hurt anyone.

"I did it, cause any problems Papa Emeritus IV ?" you uttered with complete confidence, arms crossed.

“Y-Y/N” he stuttered, your name in his mouth sounded like an insult, it was no longer worth saying. He froze in her place, completely pale, the same color as the white of her makeup, you saw his Adam's apple rise. He looked like a child who had been caught in a mischief. With the difference that he was a man and his 'mischief' had a name and maybe 20 years younger than him. "Wha-what are you doing here?" He tried to get closer but the step back you took made it clear that you didn't want him close.

You held your tears in your chest, if anyone was going to be ridiculed it wouldn't be you "I just wanted to know where you were spending your 'busy' nights. I guess you were having a great time with the paperwork" you looked at the girl behind him, your anger not it was with her, but you couldn't help but feel some resentment.

"You shouldn't be here, this isn't a place for girls like you." Copia tried to get closer but the disgust and disappointment in your gaze froze him.

You had never looked at him that way, from below, with that distance in your gaze. He had opened a chasm between them now.

You were amazed by the coldness with which he said those words, as if you were his subordinate. "You're right, I shouldn't be here. I've already seen everything I had to see… Have fun." All the eyes on you were beginning to bother you and as you watched the scene your strength began to diminish.

You turned on your feet without saying anything hugging yourself, the crowd made way for you towards the elevator. You didn't feel yourself, as if this were just a cruel scene from a movie, as if nothing were real, but the image of Copia's lips on that girl's made fun of all the beautiful moments they had had together and buried the razor of deepest pain in your chest. The doors and the splash under your shoes brought you back to reality, it was then, in the semi-solitude of that elevator that you overflowed, the tears continued to come and moans of pain pushed your lips, you shook your head, you wished everything was false.

He could hear the blood circulating through his body, frozen in place, he felt unable to look up, his nails were digging into the palms of his hands.

The night had started well. He felt like he had the world at his feet, he had seen Primo, Secondo and Terzo come to this place and be praised like gods, respected like true eminences. He had seen a pretty girl and felt all the security in the world to approach and ask to spend the night with her, he wasn't going to go beyond kissing, it's not like he had experience in the most private sphere, he had been flirting with girls all these days and he felt like he was on top of everyone in that place.

But seeing you there… seeing your face of disappointment, of horror… he felt dirty, like a really disgusting object, just another ordinary man, one of the same men you complained about when watching movies together. The kind of man he promised not to become.

"I wish there were more men like your Copia" he remembered that you told him "sweet and really good. Totally my type" at that moment you kissed him, it was technically his first serious kiss, he remembered your look, full of love and sweetness, as if you were looking an angel or the most beautiful being on earth.

But tonight he had ruined everything, he had become an idiot that you used to complain about and that you used to hate… Did you hate him now? What a fool. Of course you hated him now!

He came back to reality, the girl he was with was gone and people were just looking at him like he was crazy. He closed his shirt as if he had some modesty, it was sticky and completely ruined from the wine.

He wanted to excuse himself, to tell you some lie, something that would make you not look at him like you did, not talk to him like you did, he wanted everything to go back to normal, when you both spent time together and he received nothing from you other than affectionate kisses, smiles and charming looks. If I hadn't been avoiding you for being so immersed in those silly and pathetic power fantasy this would never have happened and I knew it. I didn't want to lose you. He knew that no one in the world apart from you would be able to truly love him, the universe had made it known to him millions of times.

He ran to the elevator but it had been called on another floor.

"Merda!" He said frustrated and ran towards the emergency stairs.

You made your way through the crowd, concentrating on one thing: getting out of that place as quickly as you could. When you opened the door, a pouring rain greeted you, Sodo was inside the car, he smiled at you but that didn't last long when he saw your distressed appearance, he quickly got out and approached you, you were pale and cold the touch as if you had received a stab.

"Damn, what happened?" He covered you with her jacket as they ran to the car, opened the passenger door and watched you get in, when he closed the door the tears came harder.

“Let's go home,” your tone was clearly distressed and brittle.

"By Satan, what did you see, girl?" She asked, he had never seen you in such a sorry state, your aura was crazy and it disturbed him. Someone had caused you extreme harm, to the point of hurting your soul.

"Sodo, I saw everything had to see." your voice wavered and you gripped the head of the seat in front of you, your body writhing in spasms, similar to physical pain. "Damn it, just drive!"

Sodo remained silent, you had never yelled at him, not even when you were upset, nothing compared to your current state. He recognized and started the engine, if you had a seizure he didn't want it to happen in the car. Unlike when he took you to the place, now he was driving carefully, fast, but at least this time your head didn't hit the glass. When you arrived at the Ministry, he couldn't even open the door, you did it yourself and ran in, your tears mixing with the thick raindrops.

He wanted to go after you, make sure you were okay, but at the end of the day he was a demon and helping you shouldn't be any of his business. Somewhat annoyed, Sodo took the car to the garage.

You closed the door tightly behind you, you thought about going to your room and crying and suffering covered with your blanket, but if Copia arrived it would be the first place he would look for you, if he did, you wanted him to do it. Then you hid in your study, it was the same as when you left it. The moon illuminated the mannequin with the suit that you had made with so much love and care for Copia, you walked towards the mannequin and simply collapsed on the floor, dragging with you the canopy that you had embroidered, you pressed it against your chest without worrying if the needle would break embedded in you, you simply cried as if your limbs were torn off part by part, you screamed as if your soul was tortured in heaven, you begged to wake up from that bad dream.

Because that man, the man you saw kissing another woman, the man who had cheated on you, that couldn't be Copia. You couldn't have fallen so deeply in love with someone like that, no, you refused to believe it.

But at the same time the evidence was there, you had seen it yourself, your dignity mocked you, on the ground and totally destroyed by a man. The one you thought would be the love of your life.

You stood up, dizzy and catching your breath. Your tears had stained the palia, you threw it as if it burned your hands, you looked at the mannequin, as if Copia was in front of you, you couldn't handle that, your studio was full of photos together, the mirror, your laptop, shit in damn wallpaper on your phone, you pulled the papal suit off the mannequin and crumpled it in your hand, instinctively grabbing a pair of scissors and bringing them closer to the suit.

"Shit!" You stopped. Even with what he had done you couldn't help but worry about him, your heart was still touched by the memory of how excited you knew he would have been when he saw the suit…now that beautiful feeling made you sick and you denied it. this at all costs. You threw the scissors on the ground, you hated yourself because deep down you loved him, the wound was recent but you still couldn't, you didn't feel capable of harming the things he loved, just as he hurt you, who he always said he loved.

"I can't stand this…" more tears flowed down your face, you walked over to the desk and grabbed a piece of paper, you traced word after word "I can't stay here" You continued writing as you cradled the suit he would once wear against your chest. The now worst love of your life.

He came running to the Ministry, completely soaked, his makeup disgustingly smeared all over his face, scared and agitated.

He climbed the stairs as fast as he could, one after the other and opened the door to your room, empty. The room was as always.

"Fuck!" He slammed the door shut “Y/N!” scream with despair "Y/N! Where are you? I promise, please listen to me!" I beg loudly through the hallway. His eyes looked everywhere nervously in search of the slightest sign of your presence. Then he remembered your study, the place where you both hid when your responsibilities overwhelmed you and you wanted to relax.

You heard the desperate running of shoes in the hallway behind your door, a chill ran through you completely. It was him, you were sure. You felt like easy prey for a slasher. You signed on the paper and folded it clumsily, turning in time to watch your door open violently and him, breathing hard, still holding the door with his hand, water dripping onto the floor and the black from his eyes sliding down his face.

"Y/N" he mentioned, catching his breath.

In other circumstances, seeing him like this, you would rush to help him, look for a dry towel, clean clothes, tea and makeup remover, you still wanted to do that. But the pain of betrayal numbed that affection.

You took the letter and stood up and walked slowly, he seemed amazed to now be you the one to approach him, Copia expected anything, screams, hits, something that she knew she deserved but that never came. He hated herself for having hurt you that way, your eyes were swollen and redder than ever, were glassy and your lips trembled in a sad grimace.

You shoved the papal suit and the letter against his chest, some resentment in the action. Your face hardened and you passed him by, you really felt faint but you didn't want him to know that he had hurt you so much.

"What..?" Copia uttered to himself.

"It was for you, both things are for you" you said turning your back to him, taking short, weak steps far away from him.

He quickly looked at the bundle of fabric and found a beautiful papal suit, his favorite colors were there, the embroidery was half finished but it promised a lot.

"You made it for me?" He asked, he felt even more of an idiot now than before, you working late on a suit for him and him, being rubbish around others.

"It was going to be your gift for becoming Papa. Congratulations by the way." You said bitterly and quickened your pace.

Copia quickly walked behind you as he opened the letter, then he saw the huge title that said 'Resignation' his legs gave out in surprise and he fell to his knees to the ground. The noise scared you so you turned to see the scene.

"No no no!" He shouted as he crawled towards you, stumbling sometimes over the papal cloth out of desperation, his voice was a plea "Don't leave me, don't do it. For Satan's sake, don't leave me alone, no, no, no" you were surprised, you had never done that before.He took advantage of the fact that you were stunned and took your hands in his that were trembling and were cold, he let his forehead fall on your hands "Hit me. Do it, hit me! Scream at me, do whatever you want with me but don't leave me, don't go. …I love you! I love you…" he told you between scandalous cries, opening his arms ready to receive a blow.

For a second you thought, he would have deserved it, but you wouldn't, you couldn't, you could never hurt him, not even when he did it first.

"Copia-" he didn't let you continue.

"Punish me, humiliate me if that's what you want. Please do something! Hate me, torture me with your resentment for the rest of my life! But don't leave her, I beg you, I beg you… don't leave me" he bowed in a full bow, placing his lips on the toes of your dirty shoes.

You didn't expect to see him like that, for he to act like that, under that desperation.

"I ruined everything, I know! Let me fix it. I'm not like the men you hate, I'll change, I'll do what you tell me to go back to being like before…happy"

You stopped him there, you couldn't see him humiliating himself before you like that, no matter how much he deserved it. You knew your heart, you would never be happy like before, because it doesn't matter if you fix a broken mirror, every time you look at your reflection you will see that the wounds are still there.

"Enough…" He can't hear you "Copia stop!" You shouted, grabbing and lifting his face with your hands. "Nothing will ever be the same again." You made it clear "You broke my heart! You cheated on me with every girl you ever crossed paths with, why?" you reproached him.

"I don't know…" huge tears fell from his cheeks, you hated seeing him cry but he deserved it.

"You don't know? I do know," you pushed him with your index finger. "Because you wanted to feel powerful, right? Like Secondo or Terzo. You ascend and then one woman wasn't enough for you."

"I… I'm sorry…" he murmured in a low voice before breaking down into more tears and clung to your torso "I change, I swear…"

"I don't believe you. That's the problem… I DON'T BELIEVE YOU ANYMORE" you took a step back, hugging yourself, you couldn't give in, although her touch and attitude made you doubt, the decision was made. "You're a fucking liar! Just like everyone else! An idiot, I'm not going to forgive you, I never would, you took my heart and my love for you and used it to enhance your stupid ego. Just like Terzo, Secondo and Primo. Just like Your father, you are just like him… A DAMN TRAITOR" Your words pierced him like daggers, wounding him to death, he remembered how his mother (Sister Imperator) cried every night next to his bed for his father. He had sworn never to be like that and now… he had hurt the woman he loved, the only person who had looked at him with pure love, knew that you were not like his mother, you would not stay.

"No…please…Y/N…please…" his voice was broken and you couldn't do anything but cry, he begged you, crawling close to you but you walked away as if it were a dog. "Forgive me."

"No, Copia I can't anymore…" you told him and you started crying again, you wanted to hug him, stay and just forget. But your heart would never do it. Someone would love him more than you, make him smile more than you and he would be the perfect man, but that was not your place. Not when he had ripped out your heart and trampled on your trust. "I'll leave tomorrow…Goodbye Copia"

"No no! I beg you…"you just couldn't stand it and you started running, away from him you heard his screams, his pleas for you to come back, his heartbreaking cries and what he called for you, broken.

He was alone in the hallway, clinging to the last thing he had from you, a suit and a letter. A photo slipped out of it that he had not seen when he opened it and seeing it destroyed him even more. It was when he was a Cardinal, with a rat on his shoulder and you giving him a kiss on his cheek, you had written some words back then.

'First photo with the love of my life. I love you C' and the date two years before, when the beautiful story had begun.

He pressed her against her chest until she wrinkled and covered her with tears. "I love you…"

...The End..?

I hope you liked it, especially you, girl who requested it. I think it's obvious that the drama got out of hand, mercy please. This is my first time fulfilling a request.

[gemma1999]

FUCK. I FUCKING KNEW IT. I FUCKING KNEW JAMES I NEED TO SAVE THEM ALL POTTER WOULD PULL SHIT LIKE THIS. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. SIRIUS IN AZKABAN. JAMES IS GONNA BE FUCKING TORTURED TOO. REMUS DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT SIRIUS. REGULUS DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT JAMES. ALICE DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT FRANK.

WHO THE HELL IS PEETA. THERE-

[lotus-lost-n-found]

I dont feel well

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

[weakherodiaries]

OH MY GOD NO NO NO NO NO NO WHY WHY WHY WHY