#jus real discouraging :/

[aoioozora]

https://www.tumblr.com/aoioozora/755542119339474944?source=share

Not you supporting literal murderers, why tf should anyone care about people who cause nothing but suffering/destruction, murdering and raping innocent civilians for a living?? Someone using "barracks bunny" isn't the end of the world, it isn't that deep who tf cares if we want to be barracks bunnies. If mfs don't want to be called that frfr then they shouldn't enlist in the first place, people like her deserve everything they get coming to them

[The post in question]

Anon, I get where you're coming from, and I admire your sense of justice towards innocents.

But please, don't generalise all soldiers as people who WANT to cause suffering. I do not condone or support any of these things you've mentioned, and people who enlist in the army, I'm sure, do not join to murder and cause suffering. They just want to serve the country. And it just so happens that when it's time, they are called to fight simply for defending the honour of their country and the safety of their citizens. I can't speak for all soldiers, but I'm sure a lot of them wish peace and safety was not brought about through strife.

And oftentimes, the ones who enlist are the ones who suffer under the oppressive hand of their government by being forced to kill. Sure, no doubt there are soldiers who revel in causing destruction out of their hatred, but can you say it's the same for all soldiers? Besides, not all the jobs in the military mean they get to kill people. My aunt is a retd. Major and she was an education officer. And when she enlisted, I'm 100% sure she didn't enlist because she wanted to kill and murder and rape.

I'm sure you're smart enough to understand this much.

Look, this is the sad reality of the world. Death, destruction, and suffering are commonplace, and it's something we have to sadly come to accept. That doesn't mean it's right. But remember, what we see around us is out of our control. We cannot control what laws governments pass, what they order their soldiers to do, etc. And sometimes, soldiers can be brainwashed by propaganda and be ignorant of facts too.

I know, the injustice sucks, and I completely get it. But you can't be unjust and blame soldiers for all the misery in the world when you don't know what they're going through. Ultimately, it's not right to judge because we don't know their thoughts, their background, their beliefs, mental state etc.

And yes, I agree with you to some extent that calling someone a "barracks bunny" isn't the end of the world. I've been called a whore and the world didn't end. We just gotta take it in our stride and move on because we have better things to do. But does it mean it's still not severely hurtful? It hurts, and for some sensitive people, the anxiety of being perceived that way can live with them for a long time. Nobody deserves to be called such hurtful things, whether you like them or not.

If you want to be called one and be one, then sure, go ahead and knock yourself out. I don't support promiscuity but I support your freedom to choose. But don't go around saying that female soldiers deserve it because they're "murderers". I don't know if you're a woman, but if you are, I feel like you're not really being a girl's girl here. A real girl's girl would support freedom of choice, whether you like that choice or not. A real girl's girl would understand that there's more to it than what meets the eye. Hell, it even goes even if you're not a woman.

Also, it's not about "if they don't want to be called that, they shouldn't enlist". They SHOULDN'T be called that, period. You hear similar shit in corporate too like "she slept her way to the top". Iterations of it are everywhere! It's disrespectful, rude, discouraging, and degrading. Women go through enough already, this is too much. No woman deserves this nonsense, especially if they're hardworking and sincere, no matter the industry. Forget about them being women for a moment; can we just treat them as human beings? With feelings, aspirations, dreams? Hell, even dignity?

In our passionate rants, are we forgetting that other people are human just like us?

Anon, you are free to have your opinions, but please don't be rude about it. Consider that not everyone is out here trying to actively hurt people. And maybe consider being brave and bringing up your concern to the OP instead of me, since she's a soldier and I'm just a civvy. I'm sure you'll get insight better than mine.

And in conclusion, I suggest you read my favourite poem No Men Are Foreign by James Falconer Kirkup. I hope it's relevant to your concern and gives you a fresh new perspective.

Thanks for reading this Anon, and whoever comes across this. Forgive me if I've been rude or inconsistent anywhere. And if I've missed anything, let me know. I'm open to a civil discussion.

I rest my case. Good day/night.

[icequeenbae]

Hiii I love love LOVE your HEARTSTEEL/Sett x reader fic it was so good 😭

Could I ask for something similar with either Sett, Kayn, or Ezreal (or all 3) with a chubby!reader who is constantly discouraged about their body because of past trauma and the current societal beauty standards and thinks that the boys should go find someone else “in their league”! Thanks!! ❤️❤️

Pairing: Heartsteel!Kayn x chubby!Reader

Established Relationship, light angst if you squint, fluff

Warnings: body insecurity

Word Count: ~0.9k

© Please do not copy/ post on other platforms without permission.

Author’s Note: Hi, sweetie! Thank you for the request~ Since I already did a similar scenario with Sett and I am already working on another one with Ezreal (coming out soon!!), I chose to go with Kayn in this scenario. I hope you like this one too 💕

You stayed out of the way and minded your own business. It was a little stressful for you to be here, amidst the making of your boyfriend’s first grand music video. You barely knew anyone here, and you didn’t want to disrupt the process by wandering around without permission. Although Kayn did tell you that you were allowed to take a look around while he was busy, you still felt like an intruder.

Soon you found yourself studying the music video shots displayed on the large screens for the filming crew to monitor. You watched from afar and then made an awkward attempt to come closer and peek, afraid of being told off for your nosiness. But no one really paid any attention to you, courtesy of your grey hoodie, you were sure. Most people would think you were some kind of intern on set and likely ask you for coffee or cables... or whatever it was that the interns did.

As you inched closer, you noticed that the girls from the crew were monitoring Kayn’s scene with the rottweiler. You found that dog to be super cute when you saw the dog trainer work with him beforehand. But at this time, you were the only one interested in the four-legged actor. The production staff were all swooning and pining… and drooling over Kayn’s six-pack.

Yes, those just had to be out for the entirety of the video, and, of course, for the whole day on set. If anyone could be confident enough to rock a crop top like this, it was your boyfriend. God, you were embarrassed to even think that it your head… A guy like Kayn laying his eyes on you? No one would ever believe it had you told them. No, not even in the realm of possibilities.

‘Wow, his abs are nasty!’ One of the girls in front of you noted.

‘He is nasty!’ The other one giggled into her fist. ‘Can you imagine how firm they are?’

‘Oh you! His girlfriend must know! Lucky her…’ The third one interjected, and they all sighed.

‘Shit. I cannot even imagine the girl he must be dating. Some chic supermodel, I suppose.’ The first one suggested.

You were right there, almost compelled to nod in agreement. He did look like a guy who’d snatch a real beauty easily. Pretty girls also loved them some bad boys. But somehow there you were, not even close to being considered a supermodel… You weren’t particularly fit underneath those baggy clothes of yours. How on Earth you ended up dating this man, who was completely out of your league, you had no clue. And it wasn’t a pleasant thing to think about. Sometimes you were wondering what he saw in you, if he actually did. Being somewhat sneaky and secretive about your relationship didn’t help your confidence either.

‘Are you just gonna stand there and stare at half-naked men all day?’ Someone yelled from behind, startling all four of you.

You blurted out an apology, caught red-handed, but the culprit, one of the production managers, looked at you in confusion.

‘Y/N? Sorry, I thought you were part of the crew. Why are you here? You can come up the stairs to watch from there.’

‘Oh no, it’s okay. I didn’t want to intrude.’ You refused hastily.

‘It’s fine, Kayn told me to keep an eye on you. Don’t be shy. He’s probably going out of his way with the acrobatics just to impress you anyway!’

Your face started to burn, and you began refuting his claims.

‘Not at all, he just wants to do well for their first big release…’

‘Yeah, I’m sure that’s it,’ the manager winked at you and sniggered at your ablush look. ‘Let’s go upstairs.’

As he dragged you closer to the main filming area, you finally noticed the stares of the crew members you overheard earlier. They were probably quite disappointed from seeing you in real life – no supermodel at all.

However, as soon as you were brought to the area, Kayn was all over you.

‘Y/N! Did you get lost somewhere?’ He gave you a tight squeeze after appearing next to you in a second. ‘I wanted you to watch me doing the stunts…’

‘See? Cares about the big release, my ass.’ The manager grinned next to you.

‘Did you say something?’ Kayn gave him a pointed look, and the man simply raised his hands in surrender, making his way to the cameras. ‘Anyway, I have to go back in a moment, but you stay put and enjoy yourself, okay?’

You nodded shily, and he was on his way.

But then he turned around, walked back and grabbed your face to kiss you. It was quick and unpredictable, and he stayed close to you afterwards, brushing his nose against yours.

‘Okay?’ He repeated in his low voice, making you smile.

‘Okay.’

Finally, Sett made a disgusted noise, yelling from his spot.

‘Get back here and finish your scene, loverboy!’

Kayn’s eye sparked red for a moment, and then he pecked you on the lips one more time.

‘Stay put, baby.’ He turned around to face his impatient bandmate. ‘Care to say that one more time, buddy? I see you want me to tickle those ears of yours again…’

Non-EXO masterlist

Masterlist

A/N: Third request down! I hope you liked this little something~ I'm working hard to put those out as soon as I can, so please don't forget to comment and reblog if you want to support me 💜 And check out my masterlist for more HEARTSTEEL and kpop content! 💫

[bluestjayy]

fck stop begging for comments on here all the damn time. i did like u as a writer but its getting so pathetic and annoying now jus begging constantly. Ur writing isn't that good for getting tonnes of comments anyway half the time Ur dragging plots and characters r so uninteresting probs coz Ur on here begging instead of writing properly. every update feels rushed lately it shows u don't even care anymore. just stop begging and focus on updating instead that's all pppl want

Hey anon, I normally don't respond to rude asks like these because I think what you want is the attention.

I especially don't usually respond to asks that have, in any way, anything to do with begging or demanding I update my fics (and I have seen an uptick in those in recent months) but I'm gonna respond to this one, and by proxy, all the others currently sitting unread in my inbox, and any future asks of this nature that may come my way.

Buckle in, this is a long one.

First, I'm going to assume by 'begging for comments' you mean the few posts I have been reblogging over the past couple of days that encourage readers on AO3 to engage with authors by leaving positive and thoughtful comments, and discouraging them from making unreasonable and impersonal demands. If this is the case then I would like to clarify that I am not 'begging for comments', rather I am supporting a community of writers like myself who are actual human beings who take several hours, days, even weeks, out of our very real lives in order to make something and share it with the world and for some reason are beginning to see a trend of entitlement slowly growing across our comment sections. A trend we wish to nip in the bud because, as I previously pointed out, fanfiction authors are real life human beings, taking time out of their days to make something, not machines on a factory line that churn out content at the behest of someone's demands. We want our fandoms and communities to be safe, supportive spaces where we can have fun. We don't want them to become workloads that begin to feel like full time jobs.

Secondly, to say my writing isn't all that good but in the same message tell me to update? Wild my guy. Truly. But let's keep breaking down AO3 comments/kudos/general feedback (such as this delightful ask you sent my way, I guess hoping it would make me want to update??) from readers and how this can affect an authors updates, this time using one of my favourite metaphors for this type of thing and see if it helps:

AO3 is a potluck. It's a backyard party. There is a veritable buffet at this party. My fic is the cake I baked myself to bring for all my friends to eat. One of my other friends brought potato salad. Another friend brought the punch. Everyone who is at this fun get-together brought something to offer at the buffet table.

Now, I might not like potato salad, but you know what I'm not going to do? Tell my friend to her face that her potato salad sucks and she never should have brought it. I'm going to politely pass on eating it, and be glad that all the people at the party who do like potato salad have something to eat. In the same vein, not everyone is going to like my cake, maybe the flavour is wrong, maybe I used too much icing, maybe they just don't like cake. But that's fine, they don't have to eat my cake. But if you choose to eat my cake, and find you don't like the flavour after taking a bite, then the polite thing to do is quietly stop eating the cake, and go and find something else to eat.

Do not seek me out and tell me to my face everything that was wrong with my cake, and why you don't enjoy it. Do not tell me to my face, that my cake sucks and you wish I'd never brought it.

Do you think telling someone that you hate the way they made a cake is a good and productive way to get them to keep making cakes for you? Or perhaps, is the way to keep an amateur baker wanting to bake, to tell them what you enjoyed about their cake. Even a simple, 'I really liked this cake' goes a long way.

And if you do like my cake, if you love my cake actually, do not then follow me home from the party and start demanding I make you cake all the time. I don't always have time to make cakes.

And just to cover all of my bases, because I am also seeing a trend of folk who think that sharing fanfiction online is the same as submitting manuscripts to publishers and that therefore criticism is allowed. It's not.

To continue to beat this cake metaphor. This is the difference between taking my cake to a party with friends (AO3) and taking my cake onto the Great British Bake off (A professional publishing environment).

If I wanted constructive criticism on my cake, I'd seek it out from expert bakers who know what they're talking about.

No one goes to a friend's party with a cake they made and wants to hear what they're doing wrong. Unless explicitly asked, keep your criticisms to yourself and put the cake down if you don't like it. It's so very easy to not eat a cake if you hate how it tastes.

Finally, a combination of both the points above, really, but I cannot stress this enough. These usernames you're sending anonymous asks to? The handles on AO3 you're writing comments for? They're people. They are human fucking beings that deserve respect and kindness. I am a human being. And sending what you sent up there to another person over fanfiction?? That's just mean, friend. That's just out and out cruelty. I have no other words to describe that.

I could give a flying fuck if you think I'm begging for comments. I could care less you wanna say my writing is terrible. At the end of the day, my writing is mine and I'm going to keep doing it because I find writing fun. It's a hobby that helps me de-stress from the horrors of my real life situations. Frankly, you should be begging me to stop because I have no plans to do anything but keep inflicting my drawn out plots and bad character writing on the world for as long as it keeps making me happy.

But I beg you to take a second off of social media today and think over what makes fandom- something that should be a hobby, a safe place to escape from the world- this serious for you. Because the kicker in all this? My friend, if you think what I post is annoying and my writing is bad, you can not see it. You can block me. You can click away from my stories. Your online space is yours to curate and no one, literally not a single person, is making you engage with things you don't want to engage with. Curate your space, fill it with people who aren't 'begging for comments', fill it with fics you think are really good and deserve to be told how good they are through wonderful comments. Please, I am begging you, because at the end of the day to live in such negativity must be so exhausting for you.

I've no idea if you, the original sender of this message will even read through all of this, but if you did, please, if not me, then any other fandom creators you come across going forward. Please treat them with kindness. Please respect that sometimes fandoms are spaces people hide in when their real lives are scary and frustrating and negative enough and all you do with messages like these is drive people away.

TL;DR: this is not the way you get more updates from fic authors, and further from that, it's not the way you treat anyone. Ever. Do better. Do much better.

[simmi23]

life

I feel so drained istfg like everything is jus better than me everywhere. Like my family is rude and discouraging me into things I don't want to be and I barely have friends in real. I just don't know what to do like I'm gonna start high school soon yet I'm still out here drained and left with nothing to feel good about. Im also insecure abt my teenage hormonal problems like acne and stuff, I hate the way I look and am..So sad 😢 I also don't want to move somewhere bc I will miss my childhood friend...hghhhh sorry for venting but yeah. I'm trying my best to enjoy life bc it's too short. love u guys 💜🖤

[anywaythewinds]

[Translation] INTERVIEW: Sing for My Music: The Phantom of the Opera’s Kim Ju Taek

Interviewed by Ahn Se Young From the March 2023 issue of The Musical Translated by @anywaythewinds, edited by sigye

source

Translator's note: Thanks to sigye for their help reviewing and editing this. Please message me if you find any mistakes. Please do not quote without credit (link to this post).

Just like the first scene of The Phantom of the Opera when we see time turned back through a fallen chandelier pulled back to its place hanging from the ceiling, let’s turn back the clock to 2009. The year The Phantom of the Opera returned for its second season in Korea, Korean baritone Kim Ju Taek made his opera debut as Figaro in The Barber of Seville in faraway Italy. He then traveled all over the world, performing as an opera singer, until 2017 when he suddenly appeared on musical competition TV show Phantom Singer 2 and took on a new challenge as a part of crossover musical group, Miraclass. Now, in 2023, Kim Ju Taek of Phantom Singer 2 is about to transform into a real Phantom in The Phantom of the Opera, returning for its first Korean production in 13 years. Opera star Kim Ju Taek receives the spotlight of the stage, while the Phantom hides in the dark basement of an opera house. These two characters that live in seemingly different worlds become one through a common desire to share their music with the world. 

“I knew I couldn’t pass on this opportunity” 

You were actively performing in Italy, the birthplace of opera, when you decided to appear on Phantom Singer 2, and there was a lot of talk about you. I heard that some of your family and friends even discouraged you from doing TV. How did they react when they heard you would be making your musical theatre debut?  When I told my mother I was going to be on Phantom Singer 2, she had to go lie down from shock. To be honest, I was afraid she would react similarly this time as well so I kept Phantom a secret from my mother until just before the cast was announced. But when she heard the casting news, her reaction was completely different from the past. Instead of opposing it, she even asked me this and that about the musical with interest. Genre aside, perhaps she saw that I was appearing alongside distinguished actors such as Jo Seung Woo, Choi Jae Rim, and Jeon Dongseok, and thought, “My son must be doing something amazing!” (laughs) The Miraclass members were also very happy for me. Musical actor Park Kang Hyun sunbaenim [senior] told me that it was a role that I would fit very well and congratulated me. (laughs)

I heard that you went to see pretty much every musical that actor Park Kang Hyun appeared in. When did you start becoming interested in musicals?  Before I appeared on Phantom Singer 2, I honestly thought that classical music was the only type of music for me. Like a racehorse with its eyes covered, my view was too narrow. But through Phantom Singer I met so many skilled musicians that performed in other genres, and I discovered there was a whole other world I was unaware of. It was a wakeup call. “I was too proud just because I sing a bit of opera!” I thought, and I realized I had the wrong view before. From that time, my eyes were opened, and I became interested in a variety of genres. Through the competition, I became a member of the same team as musical actor Kang Hyun, and I started learning about musicals when I went to support him in the musicals he appeared in. I’ve pretty much seen all of the musicals he’s been in from when he was at Daehakro in 2017 doing Evil Dead to the present day in grand theatres. 

As a member of the audience, what did you think of musicals? I went to study abroad in Italy in my last year of high school, so I didn’t have any opportunity to learn about musicals. Musicals aren’t performed much in Italy, the birthplace of opera. I discovered musicals late, once I returned to Korea, and it was overwhelming. The stage direction was awesome, and the actors’ singing was powerful to my ears - a completely different appeal from opera, which doesn’t use mics. I’ve never learned acting, but I thought that I would like to try performing in sung-through musicals such as Les Miserables and Hadestown. I also wanted to try singing the songs that An Jung-geun sings in Hero. I sometimes imagined what appearing in a certain musical would feel like. One of the musicals that I vaguely dreamed of was The Phantom of the Opera. 

When the cast was announced, you said, “I have thought that if I ever were to be in a musical, the musical that would best express my music would be The Phantom of the Opera.” What was the reason that made you decide to appear in Phantom? Even amongst classical singers, The Phantom of the Opera is a well known musical. It’s set in an opera house in Paris, and many opera singers have appeared in the show as well. I’ve never seen the show in person, but I’ve sung Raoul and Christine’s duet, “All I Ask of You,” at a concert before. From then, I’ve thought that the show had very beautiful music. I was also curious what the secret was behind Broadway’s longest running musical. I wanted to figure out the reason for its success through performing in the musical myself. More than anything, it’s also the first time in 13 years that The Phantom of the Opera is being produced in Korea! We don’t know when the next production after this will be, so I knew I couldn’t pass on this opportunity.

Considering that this is the first license production in so long, the casting competition must have been fierce. Do you have any stories from the audition process? The auditions were held when people couldn’t freely enter and leave the country due to COVID-19, so the director, Rainer Fried, couldn’t come to Korea himself and ended up video calling into the auditions. The audition song was “All I Ask of You (Reprise),” when the Phantom peers at Christine and Raoul’s secret rendezvous and sings of his feeling of betrayal. I was so nervous that I don’t even remember how I sang the song. But after I sang, the director asked me to focus more on the Phantom’s emotions and sing it once more, so I had a hunch it was going well, since it meant that he was interested in me. The first time I sang in front of the director was during rehearsals, and he said that now that he was hearing me in person, it was a hundred times more thrilling than during the video call auditions. The producer that was at the auditions also said that I was memorable. They said that they usually just keep their eyes on their laptop screen, but for the first time at any audition, they looked up after I sang my first line. To be honest I don’t remember anything except being super nervous, but I was a little shy hearing such praise. 

Were you really that nervous? Even though musical theatre is a new genre to you, you’re skilled in singing so I thought you would be confident. I definitely wasn’t confident at first! First of all, Phantom’s songs have a lot of high notes. In opera, the highest notes a baritone has to sing is around F# or G, but Phantom has to sing G#s and even A. I also have to use falsetto for some parts, which opera singers usually don’t need to do, since opera singers have to sing powerfully enough to cut through the orchestra and be heard without mics. But since musical vocalization is different from opera, I felt some pressure there. I debated a lot about how to sing in the show, and I ended up mixing in just the right amount of opera vocalization during rehearsal. Thankfully everyone seemed to think it was okay. (laughs) From that point, I gained some confidence. 

“I want to break the stereotypes about opera singers” 

Did you find any big differences between musical theatre and opera while rehearsing? As I said before, since opera singers don’t use mics, if you sing softly your sound is completely buried by the orchestra. It’s really embarrassing if you’re an opera singer and a conductor says your voice is soft. But in musical theatre, through the mic, even the smallest whispers and breaths from an actor is perfectly conveyed to the audience. So compared to opera, a much more subtle expression is possible. On Phantom Singer 2, Kang Hyun nicknamed me “tyrannosaurus” so a lot of people remember me as just having a powerful voice, but I actually enjoy more subtle singing, with expressiveness. In that sense, I think musical theatre fits me well. 

In the past, you sang mostly in Italian when performing in operas. This time, you’ll be performing in front of a Korean audience singing in Korean - it must be a new feeling. You might think that it’s easier for me to sing in Korean, but that’s not the case. First of all, during rehearsals, the Korean lyrics were constantly being edited, so I would confuse the lyrics with the version I’d previously memorized. However, opera lyrics never change, and it’s required to arrive at rehearsals with the score memorized, so I’m still getting used to the rehearsal process for Phantom. The Korean language doesn’t have distinct accents or intonation, which is also an obstacle. European languages all have set rules for pitch and intonation, so you can sing according to those rules, but Korean doesn’t have those rules. So classical singers find Korean songs harder than Italian, German, or English language songs. But it’s fun, since a song sounds completely different based on the points that the singer chooses to emphasize in their interpretation. 

Do you feel nervous about the acting? I would’ve been nervous if there were a lot of spoken lines, but The Phantom of the Opera is a sung-through musical. Putting emotions into my singing is something I’ve already been doing from my opera days, so it’s not too hard, comparatively. A lot of people have this misconception that opera singers wait for their turn, sing their song, and then get off stage, but operas are also just like musicals and require acting skill. I want to break that stereotype about opera singers by doing well as the Phantom. 

The role of Christine is played by Son Ji Soo and Song Eun Hye, who are also opera singers. How did you feel performing with them during rehearsals?  Even before Phantom, I knew both of them well. Soprano Ji Soo and I are both graduates of Seonhwa Arts High School and we’ve run into each other before at competitions. Popera singer Eun Hye and I performed together at a concert before. The fact that the two of them are also a part of this is a source of strength for me, since we can talk about our troubles together as classical singers doing musical theatre. The two Christines must feel a lot of pressure regarding acting since the role has so much stage time, but the others playing the Phantom role are all musical actors so they’ve been taking the lead during rehearsal, and now we have a great time practicing together. I’ve been enjoying rehearsals because each of the Christines have their own personalities. Since Ji Soo has her share of experience on the opera stage, she gives off the vibe of a respectable prima donna; Eun Hye, on the other hand, brings out a more young and innocent side of Christine, one that’s just about to become a big star. 

Imagine yourself finally standing on stage after all the rehearsals - which scene do you anticipate the most?  The scene where the Phantom sings “The Music of the Night.” After starting rehearsals, we pretty much rehearsed this song for ten days straight, but I understand why we poured our heart and soul into rehearsing it. In just a few minutes, I have to fully express what kind of person the Phantom is. To the Phantom, music is his entire life. He’s devoted his entire being into his music. And one day, someone appears that can transform the music he’s been dreaming about into reality. That someone is Christine. Right before the Phantom sings “The Music of the Night,” he sings this to Christine: The only reason I’ve brought you here is so that you can sing my song. If I don’t properly convey the Phantom’s mentality in this passage, the Phantom could be just a villain in the audience’s eyes. So I’m very nervous about this scene, but I’m also excited for it. It feels like time stops when I’m singing this song. 

“The Music of the Night” requires a detailed portrayal, but the Phantom’s face is covered so it must be difficult to convey emotion in this song. That’s right. My face is half covered by the mask, so however intensely stare, there’s a limit to what the audience will take away. Instead, I use my hand movements to convey emotion. In “The Music of the Night,” the Phantom’s motions are gentle and careful as if he’s lulling a baby. Because Christine is that precious to him. But strength must coexist with that gentleness - only then can the audience see that Christine is overpowered by the Phantom. The director said that I have to act with “the feeling of pulling Christine’s backbone.” It’s a bit of an extreme expression, but that’s how I have to portray the Phantom’s invisible power that’s able to captivate Christine. As rehearsals continue, I’m realizing just how exquisitely and systematically this musical was put together. I can’t carelessly pass over any single breath, look, gesture, or word. I think the reason why The Phantom of the Opera has been so loved all over the world for 35 years is because of this meticulous attention to detail.

“If all you do is think, nothing will happen”

With the guidance of the Phantom, Christine emerges as the prima donna. In real life, do you have a mentor like the Phantom?  Though I’ve never met him, there’s someone that held on to me so that I could make it to this point without losing my passion for singing - Italy’s legendary baritone Piero Cappuccilli. Cappuccilli was famous for his ability to sing up to the tenor range, even though he was a baritone, and his long, uninterrupted phrases. I especially love his legato [the method of singing multiple notes in a smooth, continuous fashion]. There’s an aria from the opera Don Carlo called “Io Morro, Ma Lieto In Core” that Rodrigo sings before he dies. In this aria, Cappuccilli sings four phrases without a single breath in between for about 20 seconds. When I heard him sing this, I was floored. I wanted to copy him so at night I would go to the park when it was empty and walk while practicing singing. In this way, I was able to sing for longer on a single breath. That’s how I grew as a singer while listening to Cappuccilli. He’s my idol and mentor. Whenever I want to go back to the basics, I watch videos of Cappuccilli. If the Phantom reached out to Christine through the mirror to guide her, Cappuccilli did the same thing to me, through the computer screen. 

The Phantom is a musical genius, but due to his hideous appearance he leads a lonely life hidden in the basement of an opera house. Though you’re known for having an optimistic personality, do you find any similarities between you and the Phantom? For any character I portray, I start with finding the similarities between my experiences and the character’s in the story. For example, if the role is a father who has lost a wandering son, then I’ll recall the feeling of when one of my favorite juniors lost their way to portray that role. While I was carefully considering where to find the commonalities between myself and the Phantom, my slump in Italy came to mind. After 4-5 years studying abroad, due to my family’s circumstances, it became difficult for my parents to support me. To make matters worse, I was deeply betrayed by someone in my life. As a twenty something year old living alone far from home, I struggled to get through these hardships one after another. I wanted to give up on the music that had been my everything up until then. I even had the extreme thought of giving up on life. I’m going to try and place those feelings into my Phantom. The Phantom’s solitude, his feelings when Christine, who he believed would give his music wings, betrays him - I think my experiences will help me portray those emotions. 

How did you get out of that slump back then?  Ironically, it was music that pulled me out of my slump in the end. At the time, my final exam to graduate from the Verdi Music Conservatory in Milan was approaching, but I had lost myself to a state of despair and I even stopped attending my classes. But then, a teacher of mine came to look for me, and even brought me to their villa to cheer me up. They also helped me enter a competition, and it was at that competition that I met the casting director that cast me in my debut opera. It’s dramatic, right? After that, while preparing for the opera, I forgot about all of the hard times. I also graduated from school as the fourth student in the conservatory’s history to receive unanimous votes. I almost gave up on life because of music, but it was also thanks to music that I hung on to life. 

I always thought you had a continuous upward trajectory as an opera star - I’m surprised that you also had setbacks in your career.  I’m not sure how I appear to others, but my life has been a continuous cycle of new endeavors and failures. After debuting as an opera star, while I was actively performing, I hit another slump. It was difficult to always sing in the same theatre, with the same people, with the same orchestra and the same repertoire. This question kept ringing in my head: “Is this really the future I dreamed of?” Around this time, I was in Korea for a bit, and coincidentally it was when Phantom Singer 1 was airing. While watching the show, I couldn’t get the thought out of my head, “What if I had appeared on this show?” So when the applications for Phantom Singer 2 opened I immediately applied. Because I had gotten tired of constantly doing the same things in the same way and wanted a refresh. 

Is there anything else you want to challenge in the future?  After Phantom of the Opera, if possible, I want to keep doing musicals. I intend to grow as a musical actor one step at a time. Later on, I want to be a conductor or a music director. I want the job of seeing the forest instead of the trees - painting the big picture. My childhood dream was to become a conductor. While traveling around the world and performing with conductor Jeong Myung Hoon, I saw his overflowing charisma while conducting and my childhood dream that I had carefully tucked away came back to life. After all, it’s part of my personality that I can’t stay in one place for too long. Just like how 19 year old Kim Ju Taek set off for Italy, I love taking on new challenges. And I’ll do that for the rest of my life. 

In the world, there are more people that are afraid and hesitant in front of new challenges than those that enjoy it. What do you want to say to the people that are afraid? I often tell my juniors to not just think of doing something but to actually attempt it. If all you do is think, nothing will happen. However, with anything you attempt, even if you fail, the experience remains. That experience keeps building up and then it becomes your skills. Sometimes, when I’m giving advice to my juniors, they respond with, “I’m not ready yet.” I get sad when I hear those words. If you do nothing and just wait for your big break, when your chance actually appears you won’t be able to take it because you don’t have the skills. You have to remember that no matter if you succeed or fail, the experience you build is preparation so you’re able to take the opportunity when it comes. So if you’re thinking about trying something right now, go for it. It takes ten hits to chop down a tree. If all you do is think about something ten times, nothing will come out of it. 

[tobyislame]

THANK YOU FOR DOING MY TOBY X AWKWARD S/O REQUEST IT'S PERFECT

I always feel really weird and out of place because of the fact I stumble through social interactions like a newborn deer in headlights so it feels really good to have someone who relates and reading this makes me really really happy

OH JOY!!! IM OS GLAD YUO LIKED IT FRIEND!!!!

yes it is always nice 2 knoe you arent alone!!! i nagivate social environments the EXACT same way i ahvent the slightest inkling of what i am doing . i jus say shit n hope it works most of the time it does not!! puttign words 2gether is so hard!!!!

and its such a NASTY contradiction bcus i LOV TALKING 2 PEOPLE and i WANT SO BADLY 2 talk to ppl but!! a lot of the time i get treated like im braindead bcus i talk a little funny . whihc is quite discouraging

BUT!!!! thats why i lov this place and all of u!! u guys treat me like i am a real person!!! u r all so nice! thank yuo friends!!

[notladylikes]

lark lets herself into her sister’s home, dragging a shopping bag behind her. “uh - a little help here?” she calls out to anyone, only to get no response and proceeds to huff a breath of discouragement before managing to haul the load of supplies into the kitchen, where dove is currently sitting at the counter and drinking a glass of wine.

“poppy gone to bed yet?” she asks, a tilt of her head as she grabs the wine glass from her sister and takes a generous sip, reveling in the taste and certain notes for a moment before handing it back. “that’s good shit…but i digress.” she says, lifting the bag up onto the counter, full of spa products and the like. “i had a really shitty day dealing with suppliers on the phone, so i’m like….hella stressed,” she says, shifting from where she currently stands to go around the counter.

leaning up, she reaches onto her tippy toes to grab a glass similar to her sister’s before walking over and pouring herself a glass of wine, helping herself to her sister’s night time ritual, before continuing to speak. “so i want a girl’s night. if the kiddo is already asleep, it can be jus’ you and i, but i brought her a unicorn bath bomb and i really want to see her face when she opens it.”

lark takes a few sips of the chilled wine, allowing it to wet her palette and start the process of calming her nerves. she’d given up on smoking cigarettes - knowing it was bad for her health and because she’d gotten to the point of smoking almost a pack a day, and didn’t want to end up with lung cancer as a result. so of course, that meant she was barely hanging by a thread most days.

“can i go wake ‘er up? s’not like she has school tomorrow, she can afford a little bit of wasted sleep in favor of hanging out with her two favorite ladies.” into the bag of snacks on the counter, lark shoves her hand and procures a few before popping them into her mouth with a satisfying crunch. she’s glancing over at @woodridgehollow, trying to ascertain what her answer is about to be. “figured we could order a pizza or somethin’, y’know, do it real big like the olden times.”

there is a slight grimace on her face when she realizes the words that just left her lips.

“god, i can’t believe i actually said that. startin’ to sound like mom.” and that was never going to be a good thing in lark’s eyes, considering she didn’t agree with most things that left her own mother’s mouth in the form of speech.

[mocweepe]

i wish more content was described dis iz kindof tiring tbh 😞

[fiendmuse]

each new fact denji acquires about yoshida makes him wonder why he's most often spotted by his lonesome outside of the student council or when his fanclub isn't crowding his space. it would take a blind person to be unaware of who he is; yoshida remained a person who wanted to be purposefully untouched despite his popularity. denji wonders why; if he looked half as good as yoshida did, maybe he could get some dates and he would never reject half the letters he gotten from the female population of the school. he would have a new girl on his arm every week, grades be damned. it makes denji a little envious to say the least, but he keeps that tucked deep, deep down within himself.

his brows quirk curiously, “ya jus' got money ta blow like that on eatin' out?” he wasn't that curious, but since their school discourages kids from having real jobs, denji finds himself doing odd bits for scraps of coin and cash to spend on the gacha machines outside of shops. to his next question, denji's head shakes. “we have a little sister we adopted recently too. 'er name's nayuta,” he replies, a bit of a smile on his face. he felt close to both aki and power of course, but there's something about his connection with nayuta that is a little bit more special. the way she looks up to him means everything to him, somehow.

yoshida's words spark a bit of something in him, but not enough to ignite anything serious. he doesn't consider school to be his path at all, not wanting to struggle with it for another four or so years for a degree. he doesn't have any passion in the area. as for doing anything good, well... he has no leads there either. yoshida seems to have life all planned out, making denji pout a little bit. “must be nice to know what ya wanna do in life. i dunno what i'mma do once i'm really an adult, coz i don't wanna bother aki forever. i think he might get sick o' me,” he laughs a little bitterly.

an absent nod meets the sentence at first, “parents, eh? that sounds nice too. i've only lived with aki 'n powy for six 'n five years after i was adopted by ms. makima. howzit like havin' parents,” denji asks, gaze curious. he's not ashamed to speak of where he came from, although his time in the foster system and before is muddled with memories his brain doesn't want to remember.

ISOLATION & LONELINESS ARE YOSHIDA'S BREAD & BUTTER. he thrives off of it, his upbringing is rooted in it, growing strong enough to be his own shade & endure harsh weather. for someone as popular as yoshida, he reminds a pleasant mystery among students alike. the only thing most people could get out of him is something surface level & at this moment he is challenging the very foundation of who he is. yoshida doesn't know that yet, but he sees this as an opportunity to bridge the gap, so that their future tutoring sessions can go smoothly. he also recognizes that denji does need the help & the proper accommodations to help him succeed. he was willing to help that much as his tutor.

❛ neither do i, but i like to indulge occasionally. i cook most of the time.❜ yoshida had picked up a recipe book once in the library, borrowing it, & deciding to take it upon himself to learn how to cook for himself. he didn't want to rely too heavily on take out & there's also the fact that yoshida is keen on making sure he works out. he likes to keep up with his physique, but he tends to hide it underneath slightly baggier clothes. ❛ is it just you, aki-senpai, and power?❜yoshida can't imagine how aki does along with being president of the school & trying to prep for his future.

he listens to denji & he has to suspect that denji is the type of person that lives in the moment. it's not a bad thing to be present in the now, but recognizes that plans are necessary to get one to the next step. ❛ most people are good at something. i find that hard to believe. you've got a bit to figure it out.❜ he reassures the other since the two were practically in the same grade, but different classes. ❛ i want to go to tokyo u. there's other prestigious universities i could go to, so i'd like to apply as much as i can. ❜ tokyo university is his first choice considering how well known it was within japan & internationally. he wants the edge for himself.

❛ i'd like to get my own place and move out of my parents house.❜ yoshida believe his current living situation is a test run of how he could handle things once he graduates high school. he sees no need for a roommate, but he may have to consider it. he's fond of his space & yet he's allowing denji to encroach a territory that's never been crossed.

@fiendmuse

[2n2n]

-im going to insult Kou

rapidfur

This whole exchange gave me BIG hell of mirrors vibes, when Kou is like "oh youve just got a gross and dirty little heart so thats why you dont want to go inside the mirror"... and its like UH YEAAA.... YEAA BUT LIKE NO ALSO.... akdjwkdj.  Especially when you get actual confirmation that his fear is his brother's dead body. I ultimately can't even take it seriously cause its so childish and, genuinely I dont think Kou means much by it... but... I dunno!

gkdfl;g it’s like ohhhhhh KOU, he words things far too capriciously and with far too much confidence, it makes Hanako go “jesus.... okay ....” not... ready for the level of irreverence. In the middle of a situation or subject as serious as what they are up against. Hanako is out here thinking about his beloved little brother’s corpse, and how the entire Hell of Mirrors will turn into an unbridled nightmare if he steps in......................... and then its like Kou is on a different planet. It’s crazy, the different wavelengths they exist on. It’s half Hanako’s fault for how he presents himself TO others and how he guards against severity/preciousness being discussed, BUT I STILL THINK KOU COULD.... BE SLIGHTLY MORE OBSERVANT AND PERCEPTIVE.... just like, from his own... brain..... please, you do walk into this knowing Hanako is a murderer, and now you know enough that it’s a complicated situation, but I swear Hanako’s demeanor of flippancy just works to make Kou (confirmed biggest patsy ever) completely forget everything ever...... if Nene was here I swear she’d be like “.... right.... Hanako-kun.... has a lot of things he might fear..... ): ”

Kou is so like... I can’t take your idiocy so seriously... and I think Hanako doesn’t either, which is WHY he never bothers defending himself or clarifying... he gets no benefit from uh, educating Kou.... he can’t get mad.... whatever, he can stay a misinformed idiot handling things with less honor than they deserve, Hanako has no need for Kou’s honor or respect. (which ig is why it’s so interesting he does snap the one time Kou tries to outright say the murder must have been ‘for a good reason’.... the extent to which you have to majorly fuck up to finally piss off Hanako, lol... he will shrug off so much.... you CAN insult HIM for being ‘afraid of Tsukasa’, but you CANNOT insult TSUKASA by saying he deserved to die... :B)

He feels like the goon in the room whos job it is to say the dumb thing, once Nene’s grown out of that role with what she’s learned. Maybe Nene gives Hanako too much space of respect and boundaries and then Kou’s the opposite with no sense of “hey... maybe thats not in your lane to comment on...”

Don’t Try To Have a Take, I Am Going To Hit You With a Rake

I'm also bothered and wondering if Kou still thinks Tsukasa is fake or not. He's not even talking like he is, so that must have been swept away by now...? But like does he even care? he carried him in his arms!!!! Oh my god, he is so simple-minded it drives me crazy... Kou IS great for his simplicity but it's annoying when AidaIro keep trying to give him moving character arcs. What was the point of him meeting baby tsukasa if hes still going to make the most uncharitable readings of tsukasa and hanakos relationship!?!? Grrr!!! I get his animosity towards Tsukasa can't be wrapped up so quickly, but the lack of any feeling at all is so discouraging. So disrespectful! How is Amane not more mad? Get some self respect, man!!! Maybe set up 1 or 2 boundaries!!!

Kou’s processing of things is often for me a real ‘just show you where he’s at periodically’ thing, admittedly I’m always pretty confounded when we check-in on him. He goes from... completely and utterly doubling down on ‘you’re DEFINITELY fake and NOT real Mitsuba’ to Mitsuba’s face in PP (ouch!) [I mean.... he pads it with ‘but I do want to help you’ but, it’s still... brutal... and he lacks any authority to say that, but boy does he say it]

 to... by the end of that arc, doing a ‘what’s real? idk’ (THEN WHY DID YOU DOUBLE DOWN SO HARD??? you really do just yell whatever comes to you before you critically examine it TT_TT) to Nene, 

^^This scene^^ has my favorite Kou, he’s the most contemplative and ‘pausing for thought’ we’ve seen... if he were like this more often I would not dislike him! This is such a placid and grounding conversation, admitting to uncertainty, conferring with Nene how difficult this is to navigate. He actually knows he’s out of his depth here. FOR ONCE...!

idk how to say this, but I think it’s... cruel, he doesn’t externalize ANY of his confusion TO Mitsuba? Mitsuba only gets him screaming confidently, declaring things, Mitsuba doesn’t even.. know, that you lay awake struggling with this? Mitsuba actually doesn’t even presume Kou is thinking/worrying about him (why would he, he won’t even think to eat lunch with him daily)

 ... he’s so humble!! It’s killing me, you’re supposed to be the good boy, but Mitsuba has made less progress peering into Kou’s psyche than freaking Nene has with goddamn HANAKO. WOOF! I mean, it’s both their fault, because   , they are both stupid,

...but still! 

Wouldn’t that be... helpful, for Mitsuba, who IS THE ONE STRUGGLING WITH HIS IDENTITY AND SELF, to know that even to an outsider, it isn’t so cut and dry, and it’s painful and intimidating to try to confront?

... then  just before the Red House we get Kou interacting with Mitsuba’s mom, a dope scene wherein Kou censors himself while Nene doesn’t, but both get mommy’s approval..... Kou comes out of that mostly just wrestling with ‘death’, and cryptically, despite us (the audience) seeing the contrary (nene and mommy chatting about the ghost Mitsuba as if he was living Mitsuba), Kou ends this all with “ah... he’s really gone” (????????????????????? did you really go this whole time not even processing his death as a point of fact? You’re making Nene’s processing of Hanako being a ghost multiple volumes in look like she was a rocket scientist .......  ig Teru has done a great job keeping him ignorant and unthinking about all these things?)

....... its like every time we check-in with Kou, he’s definitely thought harder to himself and gotten himself in a tizzy and all.... he’ll be at different stages of struggling....... but like. For me, seeing him get ‘this far’ with Mitsuba was like “nice nice ... ok ... come on Kou ....” and then him leaping to ‘this is a fake Tsukasa’ was like,

WHY ARE YOU STARTING AT 0?????????????????? OMG please apply your experiences with Mitsuba, TO Tsukasa.... PLEASE RELATE TO HANAKO’S LOSS NOW THAT YOU UNDERSTAND LOSS?????? You-- JUST AREN’T??? OMG Kou what is the POINT then of you processing Loss and Identity,,, if you’ll use none of that to analyze the Yugi before you. IMAGINE if Hanako was like “lol you don’t interact with Mitsuba because you are afraid of him” it would be like ................................................ SORTOF????? it’s intimidating to interact with confusing things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s also sad!! It’s HARDDDD!!!! KOU!!!! What IS your relationship with ‘new Mitsuba’? How do you decontextualize your modern relationship from the legacy of your past?  Is it right to, is it wrong to? How do you act different, how do you act the same? What ‘future’ do you have with this person? YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW PAINFUL THIS IS, KOU. 

the authenticity removal due to alteration does not GET to apply to ONLY Tsukasa and be more vague for Mitsuba, for Kou’s convenience!! Questions of Kaii legitimacy and the source of identity are, going to be universal, you can’t pick and choose when to authenticate someone as ‘real’ and when to not based on IF YOU PERSONALLY LIKE THEM OR NOT. *hits him with a rake*

...anyway yeah, like ... seeing Red House not change his disrespectful tone about Tsukasa, is par the course for like.... omg.... you don’t seem to retain much information or apply it to Tsukasa.... I’m excited anyway bc I feel Kou has such a big storm coming when ultimately the narratives of Mitsuba and Tsukasa have overlap (where he can’t reject one and accept the other without collateral).... I feel like his purpose right now is to ... be the guy who needs to learn something .... 

[axiang-n-chengling-s-dads]

Three Romances and Three Fates

“Just make sure the tree doesn’t find out. You can hide among the other students.”

-- “Living the same life people live, hiding among other students, isn’t fun. I must find my own meaning for my life.”

-- “What a great line. ‘My own meaning.’ I think it might differ depending on whom I live my life with.(...) Just like you don’t know which leaf will fall next, there are no rules in this world as well. As long as your affection for one another is strong, you can overcome it.”

The question Extraordinary You asks, ultimately, is: Is changing your fate worth it? Are the rewards of going against a God-like entity worth the risks?

With the help of the three romances-- Dan Oh and Haru, Do Hwa and Ju Da, and Jinmichi Fairy and Soo Hyang-- the drama shows us three different perspectives, and also tells us the answer.

Jinmichi Fairy and Soo Hyang

“No matter how hard I tried to escape, I couldn’t. I just wanted to be happy with the love of my life. We tried to change it, but some things never change. And things you didn’t want to change can change. It’s up to the writer.”

Jinmichi Fairy and Soo Hyang, like Dan Oh and Haru, are characters that tried to change their fates and go against the writer in Trumpet Creeper, but instead met a tragic ending.

In their next lives in Flower, Jinmichi Fairy, who was there from the beginning, swears to not change the stage at all, and also discourages other characters from doing so. He is given the curse of memory, and so remembers everything from the previous book, to serve as a warning from the writer. He is even grateful, however much he misses Soo Hyang, that she wasn’t added to the book, because they’re better off without each other.

Soo Hyang is added, eventually, to Secret; and when the two meet they continue to behave as though they do not remember each other, though they meet sometimes.

This is the first perspective-- to them, living their life is to keep the people they love safe, remain under the writer’s radar, and fulfill their given roles. They are affected by, and believe in the tragedy of the previous book, forcing them to hide their affection towards one another.

As a result they only meet sometimes in the shadow, and only reveal their true selves in the last scene of the book. Of the three, this is the most unfulfilled romance, with a bittersweet ending that leaves much to be longed for.

Lee Do Hwa and Yeo Ju Da

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t fly freely like this butterfly. You told me that a small flutter of a butterfly can change one’s fate. Although that small flutter didn’t work out for us, I’m sure it would’ve been meaningful for someone else, right?”

The second romance is that of Lee Do Hwa, the second lead, and Yeo Ju Da the main character. Already, as it is, it has been decided that they will not end up together.

When Lee Do Hwa gains self-awareness however, he chooses to love Ju Da, making his affection for her a symbol of his autonomy instead of his fate.

“I choose to like you.”

Over time, his repeated efforts and confessions seem to work because Ju Da also gains self awareness, and in the shadow, likes him back. The two form a meaningful relationship in the shadow, but then Ju Da expresses her wishes to not change the stage.

While Lee Do Hwa himself wished to change the story, he respects Ju Da’s decision and decides to not, even though the two still meet each other in the shadow frequently.

Here, their idea of the ‘meaning of life’ is a compromise-- while Do Hwa wishes to fight for their love he is ultimately content with not doing so to respect her choice, and instead savouring his lifelong friendship with the A3; Ju Da wishes to get the happy ending she deserves in return for all her past suffering.

They get a few moments together in the shadow, and are open and frank with one another, and therefore meet a better end than Jinmichi Fairy and Soo Hyang, by letting the autonomy of their actions and the real expression of their feelings remain only in the Shadow.

Eun Dan Oh and Haru

“Haru, thank you for helping me change my character. I was born with a weak heart, had a crush on a guy for 10 years, and was just an extra. This absurd character that the writer created, only for the main characters changed completely. I’m so glad that it was you who changed it for me. If my fate was to live out the writer’s character, then I decided to have you, Haru, be the fate I made.”

The third, and final romance is between Eun Dan Oh and Haru. Like Jinmichi fairy and Soo Hyang, they too meet a tragic ending in the past comic, but decide to ignore the threat of history repeating itself.

Together, in Secret, they repeatedly fight the writer, and change the stage. Even the threat of disappearing and losing their self-awareness is overcomed, and they change the stage until the very last scene.

Taking the control away from the author by rejecting the past and creating their own future, Dan Oh and Haru do actually change their fates-- Dan Oh becomes healthy and does not die, and Haru is promoted from a Nameless Extra.

Their idea of ‘meaning in life’ is to take their destiny in their own hands. Like Lee Do Hwa, they take their affection for each other as a symbol of their autonomy in itself-- even the writer cannot control how they feel for other people.

Ultimately, Dan Oh and Haru fight their assigned fates, make each other their destinies, and are able to break free from the writer’s control to a certain extent. Even though in the end, Haru is punished and erased from the story, the time they spent together remains-- even in one of the last scenes, without quite meaning to, they end up permanently altering the stage.

The camera clicks right when Dan Oh hears Haru’s voice and turns to look-- in the pages of ‘Secret’ there now remains a mark of their affection for each other.

Reincarnation

“You and I both lost our self awareness once, but we did not succumb to the writer. We ended up finding each other. We created our own fate by meeting once again. (...) No, we have a long way to go. We’re going to spend our days together when we’re 19 and 20.”

In a world where the character’s existence ends as soon as the comic is over, the only hope that people have of meeting the ones they love is to be redrawn in another book. There is a scene where Jinmichi Fairy explains exactly how a character is redrawn.

“We fall into a deep sleep, until the writer draws us again. If you make a big impression on the writer, or if it’s easy to draw you, then there will be a higher chance that you’ll be drawn again.”

In the epilogue scene, in the new comic story, we see Sae Mi and the others, looking as though they might be the main characters of this story. However, we do not see Jinmichi Fairy, Do Hwa, or anyone else other than Oh Nam Joo.

This implies that, out of all the self aware characters, it is Eun Dan Oh and Haru who left the biggest impression on the author, because they kept changing the stage, forcing the author to change the story.

It must be noted, however, that the show does not villainize or criticize any of the three pairings for their decisions. It simply states that every person has their own idea of a ‘meaning of life’ and how to make it fulfilling.

It is just that those who dare to go beyond may face the consequences, but they also receive the rewards of doing so.

[motherjoel]

Leading Lady (Spencer Reid x Reader)

chapter five- multitude of realizations

wc: 3.2k

summary: you realize your true feelings for Spencer

a/n: hope yall like! this is one of my fav chapters haha

chapter index: chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4

-

As you walked back into your dressing room, you couldn’t help the smile on your face. Sure, there was a murderer after you, but this crush you had on Spencer was honestly just as exhilarating. You had come to terms with the fact that you had a crush on him when you were watching Gilmore Girls earlier on Netflix and he was making commentary on the characters and the books Rory was reading. When he spoke, you were more interested in what he had to say than in the actual show. Although the two of you had only known each other for a couple days, spending all of your time with him had bonded the two of you in a way you hadn’t experienced in months. Once inside the dressing room, you made small talk with your fellow cast members. 

“So, Y/N, when are you and Matt gonna hook up? I’m getting bored, I need a showmance,” said Caroline, the actress who played Fantine.

“Ah, I’m sorry but the Y/N ship has sailed! I’m actually seeing someone now,” you said with a smile, the words feeling genuine.

“Oh my gosh. Spill!” yelled Caroline.

“Well, his name's Spencer,” you shyly told her and the gathering crowd of your female castmates. “He’s staying with me for a little bit while he’s in town, he’s actually here tonight!” you told them as they squealed. 

“We have to be introduced!” Caroline shouted, and you laughed.

“Okay, okay! I’ll point him out to you during mic check but that's all until after rehearsal,” you said with a grin before sitting down at your mirror and beginning the makeup and hair process. 

-

After finishing getting ready, you headed out to the stage for mic check. You waited for a couple minutes with the girls, pointing out Spencer for them to gawk at and whisper to each other while he was mindlessly focused on a thick book. As if he felt the prying eyes of your cast, he looked up and shot you a smile and an awkward wave before focusing back on his book. A few minutes later, Matt walked on stage, slightly out of breath and not in his costume. You could overhear him talking to your director, apologizing for his lateness. Once he noticed you he greeted you with a tight smile and walked over to you, the girls whispering on the other side of the stage, still pointing at Spencer.

“So, a boyfriend, huh? Didn’t think our Y/N could pull it off,” Matt said in a teasing way.

“Wow, news gets around here pretty fast,” you replied, looking up again to Spencer at the back of the auditorium to see he was already looking at you. He seemed a little off… you didn't want to assume he was jealous but you were talking to your cute costar so maybe he was just getting a little too deep into his role of boyfriend. Your exchange with Matt was brief, your director wanted to get the show started as soon as possible. Once John called for places, you snuck back around through the lobby to sit with Spencer. You sat down next to him and he greeted you with a smile.

“Hey Spence, sorry that took a little longer than expected, our Marius was a little late,” you explained. You noticed he didn’t reply- he was just looking at you with a goofy smile. “What?” you asked.

“O-oh I’m sorry, it's nothing,” he said, a blush creeping on his face. “It’s just, not many people call me Spence,” he confessed.

“Oh! I’m sorry, did you not want me to call you that? It’s okay I can jus-” he cut you off.

“No! No, it's really fine. I… like it,” he said, looking down and twiddling his thumbs. As the pit orchestra began to play the opening number you settled into your seat with a smile on your face. The two of you watched the first couple songs, Spence occasionally whispering facts about the history of France in your ear and each time he did you smiled and nodded, occasionally asking questions but mostly just basking in the moment. You noticed that you had to go on soon so you excused yourself and ran into the lobby to head back to your dressing room.

Once you got inside you rushed to make sure you were ready to go on. As you frantically checked your makeup and looked for props, Caroline, who’s character had already died, started to talk to you.

“Girl, that boy is in love with you already,” she said, focused on the bag of chips in her lap. This made you stop everything you were doing.

“Im sorry. What?” you asked, not sure if you were hearing her right.

“I said what I said! Let me tell you, while I was trying to die on stage, I kept getting distracted by the two of you being all cute back there! The way he looks at you… i’ll just say, if someone looked at me like that, I wouldn’t let them go,” she said nonchalantly. Obviously she didn’t know that Spencer sharing your feelings was news to you. You couldn’t deny the chemistry, but you thought you were just imagining his lingering glances and soft smiles. It excited you as much as discouraged you, though. Falling for one of the FBI agents in charge of your case just wasn't right! And if he were to reciprocate those feelings, he could get in trouble at work and that was the last thing you wanted. You didn’t have much time to dwell on this, however, because you were about to go on stage.

-

As you acted and sang your heart out, you kept taking glances to see Spencer’s smiling face in the back of the auditorium. As your biggest song, On My Own was coming up, your nerves picked up a little bit- it was your moment alone on the stage and you couldn’t help it. As the opening notes began to play, you took a deep breath and sang.

And now I'm all alone again

Nowhere to go, no one to turn to

Without a home, without a friend

Without a face to say hello to

And now the night is near

and now I can make-believe he's here

You always resonated with these lyrics. You often felt very alone and it was difficult for you to open up to others. That was, until Spencer came along.

On my own, pretending he's beside me

All alone, I walk with him 'til morning

Without him, I feel his arms around me

And when I lose my way I close my eyes and he has found me

When you and Logan, your ex that you used to live with, broke up, you felt really hopeless. You tried not to let a man decide your happiness, but the two of you were long term and he had helped you through your father's passing. When he moved out, every waking moment was spent missing him.

And I know, it's only in my mind

That I'm talking to myself, and not to him

And although, I know that he is blind

Still I say there's a way for us

There was no way that someone like Spencer liked you. You didn’t feel worthy of it. You didn’t think you deserved to be loved, much less even liked, but even you couldn’t deny that there was chemistry

I love him, but when the night is over

He is gone, the river's just a river

Without him, the world around me changes

The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers

That feeling of comfort that you had grown accustomed to around Logan returned when Spencer started to sleep on your couch. You didn’t believe in love at first sight, but this wasn’t that. It was an opportunity for a deep connection, something that you wanted to build on. Not some cringey story about mommy and daddy meeting eyes across the room and falling right then and there. Sure, Spencer was pretty much just your type looks-wise, but when you talked to him you just appreciated him as a person.

I love him, but every day I'm learning

All my life, I've only been pretending

Without me, his world will go on turning

The world is full of happiness that I have never known

 You were over Logan. You didn’t realize until now that you had been sulking the past few months because of him, but there was a new light in your life. As you began to sing the last few lines, you made direct eye contact with Spencer, tears brimming in your eyes. These tears were real, caused by a multitude of realizations. 

I love him

I love him

I love him

But only on my own

Shit. You really liked him.

-

After what felt like years, you had changed back into your clothes and took off your makeup, anxious to see Spencer and to hear his opinion on the show. You were trying to slyly sneak out of the dressing room before Caroline grabbed your shoulder and whipped you around. You sighed, knowing what was about to happen.

“You’re not getting off this easy! You said I could meet your new beau and I'm not leaving until I do!” she said with a smirk. You sighed, anxious at this being the first time you and Spencer really have to put on an act as “lovers”.

“Fine fine, just come on,” you sighed, leading her to the lobby where Spencer was waiting with his book in his hand, facing the opposite direction and talking to someone. Talking to… Matt. Oh jeez. You picked up your pace so you could greet Spencer, tapping him on the shoulder. He whipped around and when he saw you, his face broke into a joyful smile.

“Hey! You were amazing!” he exclaimed as he pulled you into a hug, genuinely excited. This surprised you but it didn’t take long to melt into it. Matt cleared his throat next to you and you let Spence go with a blush.

“Sorry. Spencer, this is Caroline. She plays Fantine,” you introduced the two. Spencer waved hello, not making a move to shake her hand. You wondered why, but you ignored it. 

“You were really great too!” he told her.

“Thank you! So, this is the famous Spencer, huh? Y/N was telling us all of the hot goss about you two,” she said with a smirk.

“Hot goss?” Spencer said with an inquisitive look, you elbowed Caroline in the ribs.

“Uh, anyways we should get going,” you said, trying to usher Spencer out the door.

“Hey hey hey, not so fast!” said Matt, you cursed at him under your breath. “Our Y/N finally gets a boyfriend and we don’t even get to see them kiss?” he asks, a bit of a harsh edge to his voice. You didn’t think he was mad or jealous at first but this behavior was a little weird.

“Now why do we need to do that?” you asked with a harsh tone, Spencer tensing up beside you. You felt bad that he was in this position.

“I mean.... I kinda wanna see it too…” said Caroline, you elbowed her again. Spencer leaned down next to your ear.

“Y/N, it's okay. Kissing is actually safer than giving someone a handshake, the amount of pathogens that pass is staggering,” he whispered. This spouting of facts only made you want to kiss him more, but you really didn’t want to make him feel weird.  

You sighed and turned to face Spencer, placing a hand on his cheek as he leaned down. You felt really guilty, you couldn’t believe that your first kiss with Spencer wasn’t even real or voluntary, but you didn’t want to seem suspicious. He closed the final inches between you two and you both shut your eyes, savoring the few moments your lips were together. He melted under your touch and it seemed like the world stopped spinning for a few seconds. You pulled away and looked him in the eyes, a soft smile on his lips as he straightened out. You had a goofy smile too before realizing your anger for the two dummies next to you.

“Happy?” you asked them harshly before grabbing his hand and leading him into the cool outdoors. No matter the temperature outside, your face was burning.

“I am soooo sorry, they're so annoying and i jus-,” you begin to profusely apologize before he cuts you off.

“Y/N, it's okay! R-really. I knew that pretending to be your boyfriend might lead to something like this,” he reassured you, slightly nervously. You sighed in relief and the two of you silently began your walk home, both trying to hide the smiles creeping on your faces.

-

You unlocked your door while laughing at a joke Spencer was telling about existentialists and lightbulbs. Honestly, it kinda went over your head but his pure joy after telling the punchline was enough to make you smile. 

“Thanks,” he said, looking down. You were confused.

“For what?” you said, still smiling at his joke.

“For laughing at my joke. The last time I told it, all I got was silence and looks of confusion,” he said, embarrassed. “B-but, if it makes you laugh, I know it's good,” he said, more quietly. Your heart could burst.

“Well, no problem. And, hey, if this whole FBI thing doesn’t work out, at least you know you have a career in comedy!” you joked, and he laughed, accidentally knocking your script off the table. The two of you bent down to get it at the same time, hands brushing. You apologized to each other and laughed it off, before Spencer just grabbed it. You both stood up as he placed it on the table. You stood in silence for a minute, both contemplating that moment, but it didn’t last for long once you heard the familiar sound of Spencer’s phone ringing. 

“What's going on Morgan?” he asked after picking up his phone. As he listened to Morgan talk, you could tell that he wasn’t saying ‘Great news Reid! We caught the crazy guy! Now go sweep Y/N off her feet!.’ In fact, as Spencer’s face fell, you could tell it was the exact opposite. He hung up the phone and began pacing around your small apartment.

“What is it, what's going on?” you asked, panic rising as you followed his pacing. 

“There's been another victim. I need to get down to the station, it's pretty late so I can try to get someone to stay here with you, let me just ca-” you cut him off.

“I don’t mind coming with you to the station, I might be able to help,” you offered, already grabbing your purse.

“Are you sure? We might be there for a while,” he warned. 

“As long as you guys have a coffee machine, i'll be golden,” you smiled, despite the situation. He nodded and grabbed his messenger bag filled with files and stormed out the door, you followed him down to the car. Wordlessly, he hopped into the driver's seat, you in the passengers and the two of you sped off to the station.

-

You entered the station and were greeted with the expected hustle and bustle. You were glad for some familiar faces, though. Morgan walked over to greet you two, looking surprised but glad to see that you had come along too.

“Hey guys. Good to see you, Y/N,” Morgan said, resting a hand on your shoulder. You felt Spence stiffen besides you, but you brushed it off. “Reid, Hotch needs you to look at some crime scene photos with him and Prentiss. Y/N, would it be okay if you talked with JJ and Garcia on video chat in the break room? She’s gonna do some background checks on anybody you came into contact with recently. We’ve looked at everything, we’re willing to do anything at this point,” he said, seemingly desperate. 

“Of course, anything to help,” you smiled, waving goodbye to Spencer before heading to the break room where JJ was talking with Garcia already on video chat.

“Well there's our favorite thespian!” said Garcia through the screen, you could hear her smile.

“Hey Pen,” you laughed and sat down across from JJ. 

“How was your rehearsal?” JJ asked. You couldn’t help but smile, thinking about your “exchange” with Spencer.

“It was… good. Really good,” you told them, honestly.

“Hmmm.., it seems like there's something you're not telling us,” hinted Penelope. It was incredible how these people could so easily read you already, and Pen wasn’t even a profiler. You had felt immediately connected to them, though, so you didn’t mind it.

“Ugh, okay. Don’t freak out, or at least let me explain before you freak out, but… Spence and I… kissed,” you confessed. JJ looked shocked, Garcia was already begging for details.

“Listen! It was because of the cover we have going, I told my castmates that he was my boyfriend and this one guy basically demanded that we kiss and I didn’t wanna seem suspicious, so…” you trailed off. JJ’s surprised face morphed into a big smile. 

“Um, okay! First of all, kinda icky that that guy forced you to kiss, but besides that… how was it?!” Garcia asked, with even more energy if possible.

“I don’t know! It was… just for the cover. But, it was nice,” you blushed and the girls squealed. You continued, “I don’t know, Spencer’s just really great and I've only known him a couple days. I felt bad that he had to kiss me,” you confessed, still feeling a little guilty.

“I’m sure he didn’t mind the kiss from a pretty girl, especially if it was you,” said JJ.

“What do you mean, especially if it was me?” you asked, and JJ looked like she didn’t mean to say that.

“Ugh, okay I shouldn’t be telling you this, but I have a feeling Spence is crushing on you,” JJ told you, your mouth was agape. 

“Y/N how could he not! You’re gorg, talented, and a damsel in distress! I mean you're a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man, but guys go nuts for that savior stuff,” Garcia explained and you laughed.

“I guess that's good,” you said, your smile faltering slightly. “It’s not like we can really do anything about it, though. I mean, wouldn’t he get in trouble or something?” you asked.

“Maybe, but we’re always rooting for his happiness, and you might be it. We wouldn’t want to get in the way of that,” JJ said, sweetly. You had to take a minute to process this. Once you had, you decided to move on to the background checks, forgoing the gossip for now. 

-

The background checks had taken a couple hours, especially because of the occasional gossip break, but everyone you mentioned seemed to be clean. Exhausted, you found an empty desk and curled up onto the chair, resting your head in your arms on the desk. You were drifting off to sleep, almost unconscious when you felt the warmth of a sweater on your back and a kiss on your head.

-

taglist: @mcntsee, @diesinspanishbcimhispanic, @chickens-are-life, @rexorangecouny, @ceeellewrites​

[poorlytunedukulele]

Day 11 - Heresy

December 02, 2892; The Last City, Earth

“It’s practically heresy.  Look at him.  Bug-hugger walking around the Tower like he owns the place.”

Shiro-4 moved his optics but not his head, quickly locating the source of the half-whispered words.  It was another Hunter, dressed in a flashy white-and-black getup.  He nudged the purple-clad female Titan next to him, who rolled her shoulders and tilted her head.

Azra hadn’t noticed anything.  She cleared her throat and tried her pronunciation again.  “Shedrak huyet, sha dakovo bonaloh.”

“Shedraak,” he corrected absentmindedly.  “Bo-nafrendi.  You’re not House Wolves.”

She frowned.  “Not House Deathless, either.”

“It’s a lot better sounding than what the Eliksni call us.”

“I mean, listen to him growl on.  Probably speaks Fallen better than English.  Disgrace.”

“You got a problem?” Shiro asked, pointed and clear.  Azra turned her head, locating the two interlopers immediately.  Tevis stirred from his dozing place behind the bench.

“In fact, I do,” the Hunter said back, crossing his arms.  “Spew your filth elsewhere.  Or better yet, don’t spew it at all.”

“Just ‘cause you don’t speak it-“ Azra began-

The Hunter cut her off.  “Why would I want to?  Fuckin’- goes against everything it means to be a Guardian.  Speakin’ their language.  Just kill ‘em and get it over with.”

“Watch your tongue,” Tevis warned.  He stood, fixing the two Guardians with an icy glare.  “Shiro’s killed more Fallen than you’ve seen days.”

“He who fights monsters becomes a monster himself,” the Hunter taunted.  “Next thing you know you’ll be drinkin’ Ether and eatin’ babies like the rest of ‘em.  How anyone can trust you in the field is a miracle to me.  I’d be lookin’ over my shoulder, wonderin’ when the speakin’ and the bowing lessons gonna turn into Guardian-killin’.”

Tevis vaulted the bench and took a few threatening paces forward.  “Concourse is ours, same as yours.  You trying to kick us out?”

“Should have been done a long time ago,” the Titan spoke.  “You’re all freakshows playing at being Hunters.  You don’t belong here.”

It wasn’t often just words could get Tevis angry.  His stance was a little too tense, his voice a little too low to be just for show.  “You calling into question if I’m a Hunter?” the Nighstalker growled.  “Pick your next words carefully.”

“Or what, you’ll kill me?” the Titan taunted.  Tevis shifted backwards, just an inch, but it was enough to let Shiro know the words had actually cut.  “I’ve heard that you’ve killed a lot of people.  Even after the Iron Lords put out their decree.  Never mind ‘Hunter’, can you even call yourself a Guardian?”

People were pausing to watch now.  Most of them were strangers, more interested in the spectacle than concerned for either side.  The Hunter shrugged in easy confidence.  The Titan stood firm, her arms crossed in front of her chest.

“Hold up,” Azra said.  “You don’t just get to-“

“And you’re just defendin’ him ‘cause he’s all you got,” the Hunter interrupted.  “Don’t play anything else.  Freak of nature.  ‘Course the only people who wanna cozy up to you is the Gurdian-killer and the traitor.  Wonder you all haven't been exiled already.”

“What’s going on here?”

Cayde had arrived, untimely as always.  The takeout boxes in his hands steamed in the afternoon air.

“Ah, Cayde-6.  At least you’re a real Hunter.  Still a liar and a cheat, but it’s better compared to the bughugger, the murderer, and the freak you call pack.”

Cayde put the boxes down with force.  “You know what, I don’t even wanna know.  Leave.  Or I’ll make you.”  His hand went to his Hand Cannon in a threatening gesture.

The black-and-white Hunter flapped a hand.  “Oh, go back to your Vanguard boyfriend and cry about it.  That’s the worst one, I think.  Man loses the Dare and actually likes it.  Or maybe it’s just ‘cause he doesn’t have to spend more time around you.”

Shiro wondered which one of them would break first.  It turned out to be Azra.  The opposing Hunter hadn't even finished his sentence when she lunged, too quick for any of them to catch.  The other Hunter went down with a surprised grunt.  Shiro moved automatically to cover his purple-armored comrade, to stop her from diving into the fight as well.

“Guardians!” came the unmistakable booming voice of Lord Shaxx.  The crowd parted and suddenly the Titan was there, pulling the two Hunters apart.  “Take it to the Crucible.  This is not a place for petty squabbles.”

“Jus’ speakin’ the truth,” the black-and-white Hunter said, spitting blood out on the ground.  “Put yer animal on a leash next time.”

“What’s your name, Hunter,” Shaxx said, somehow turning the question into a command.

“Skander,” the Hunter answered back.

“Skander,” Shaxx said.  “I will remember you.  Trash talk is discouraged in the Crucible.”  He turned to the Hunter in his other hand.  “And Azra Jax.  You should know better.”

“Can’t just let him go around saying that stuff,” the Arcstrider hissed.  Her face was stony.  “Don’t care if it gets me in trouble.  It isn’t right.”

“Azra,” Shiro said.  “It’s fine.”

“It’s really not,” Tevis said.

Shaxx put the two Hunters down.  Skander brushed himself off.  Azra put a hand on her dagger and glared, not looking one bit like she was done.

“You two,” the Crucible Handler commanded.  “Get out of here.  Don’t let me see your faces for the rest of the day.”  The purple Titan dragged her companion off.  Shaxx turned to address the crowd.  “The rest of you, move along.  The show is over.”

The people dispersed quickly.  Nobody wanted to be on Shaxx’s bad side.  Cayde retrieved the takeout boxes, which were miraculously unharmed.

“He’s wrong, you know,” Shaxx said.  The Titan crossed his arms and contemplated the direction the interlopers had wandered off towards.  “I heard the whole exchange.  He was wrong in every part.”

“I know, right?” Cayde said.  “Callin’ me a cheat.”

The Crucible Handler fixed Cayde with a glare that said he knew a lot more than he let on.  “While I disagree with your methods in the Crucible, your job in the Crucible is to teach and to learn.  Out in the wilds, we need every advantage we can get.  There is no playing fair.”

“He was just being an idiot,” Tevis sighed.  “It’s against personal policy to let idiots make me question my life choices.  But damn, was needs to learn when to shut his mouth.”

The two younger Hunters remained quiet.  Shiro sat back down and looked at the list of Eliksni taunts he’d been trying to teach Azra.  Azra, in turn, liberated her food from Cayde and went about attacking it with a frown still on her face.

“Heresy,” Lord Shaxx mused.  Shiro and Azra both paused to look up at him.

The Titan gestured.  “We celebrate our differences.  They make us stronger.  That is what makes us Human, what makes the City worth fighting for.  And it's why we will win.  You all are assets to all of us.  We would be weaker without you.  More blind.  Saying you should be shunned- that is the heresy."

Cayde spoke up.  "How much intel have we gotten because you speak Fallen?  And I hate to admit it, it's saved our lives more than a few times.  You can outplay them 'cause you know the plays."

"Know thy enemy and know yourself; in a hundred battles, you will never be defeated," Shaxx intoned as if he were reading scripture.  "You are veterans of Twilight Gap.  We fought together at Burning Lake.  If you do not belong, it is our fault, not yours.  You are more than owed belonging at this point.”

Azra shrugged and continued eating her food (though, Shiro noted, the worry lines were gone from her forehead).  "Thanks," Shiro said.

“The next time someone insinuates that you are not to be trusted,” Shaxx said, “take it to the Crucible.  And call me.  We will show them the meaning of trust.”

He nodded a farewell, clapped Shiro on the shoulder so hard he overloaded the shock absorbers there, and strode off down the concourse.

“Sometimes I think he ain’t half bad,” Cayde said through a mouthful of Pad Thai.

AO3 Link

[protoformx]

I go to my first real job tomorrow other than selling little things or working for my dad and idk

feelin jus kind of let down? discouraged? abt myself bc I've known a Lot of people who would make fun of me for just getting here at 22

[faakeid]

These days, I got discouraged a lot while thinking how I might jus be overanalyzing kd's rs. Like when I see him being clingy with other ppl too. I even started to think what if his past rs were real. And I kinda started to see Ji as a different person. Then again, I love kd a lot. And as much as I remember i love them not just because of skinship, it's sometimes hard to remain positive. I miss them a lot and i wanna see them again soon. Sorry to be emotional here lol

It’s fine. In the end, you need to live for yourself and think that, whatever the truth is, it’s none of our business. We get emotionally invested and all, but they live their lives and not us. So it’s important to be mature even in circumstances people think we aren’t being mature at all.

[aaternum-a]

@tyraunt​​ said,  “ don’t ever let anyone make you doubt your worth. ”

Ah, her food is likely cold at this point; silverware idly poking at the portions on her plate and gaze following the pendulum of the clock against the wall. Completely absorbed in thought, she fails to register when he saunters into the room, brows seaming together against her forehead in evident bewilderment. The glide of wood against marble floors finally pulls her from her thoughts, surprise morphing into a smile as he takes place across from her. "   Oh, thank you for joining me your majesty. Finally free from your evil lair of paperwork?   " She teases, elbow propped against the table, chin nestled comfortably within her palm. Oh! But now that he's here, perhaps she could air her weight out to him and see what light he could shed on this seemingly endless internal debate. To her surprise, he'd yet to shut her up completely when it came to her rants. And while he provided sensible answers to whatever plagued her frenzied mind, she found comfort in his words. With a soft hum, she looks towards the cloak blanketing her shoulders. In her daze upon arriving back to the estate, she'd failed to completely remove her guise from her earlier venture around. It was — in part — for her assigned objectives, but also a  wager spurred on by her own morbid curiosity.

"   So .. " It's a slow start to her pending story; wanting to start from a point that would conceivably make the most sense, but not drag it on further then his (seemingly) endless patience. " .. Why are those who are half ... angel or .. demon treated so terribly?   "She pauses, recalling the retinas burning into the back of her cloak as she walked around. At first, she thought she'd have to make a break for it — assuming she had been exposed, but that's not what they'd gathered about her. She'd heard the term snarled in whispers. Half-breed. Ah, even here, it was all the same. If you were not pure, you were no better than the dirt that clung to their boots. It was a reality she'd long endured and why her family always lived well below their means. Why suffer through a life of exile and ridicule on Asgard, when you had some semblance of freedom living on Gaia? At least, that's how her mother always posed the circumstances of their living. If her father were around, how would he have viewed it in a similar light? Her brother had always convinced himself they were certain for greatness beyond what the world would hand to them. Somehow she'd convinced herself of the same, but there was always that hint of lingering doubt. Doubt that she would always be less. Did he have doubts about her worth towards him solely based on that fact as well?

"   And do you feel the same way about those who are neither truly demon or angel? Is there a real difference between you and I? Does that make you worry about my capabilities?   " Oops, once she'd allowed the first question to slip from her lips, the others came rushing out the flood gates. Offering little time for him to reasonably answer before she went into her spiel. "   I don't think I'm less! I .. or at least I thought I did. I think I could be just as talented or intelligent .. powerful even if I put my mind to it!   " If there was anything she enjoyed, it was proving those who doubted her wrong, but it seemed there was little she could do to discourage preconceived notions about her very existence. She stands from her seat, undoubtedly riled up by her own doing, "   And if you have any doubts about me, I swear to you, I'll show you I'm everything I said I'd be. Because I'm more than ju—   " His words cut through her tirade, freezing her mid-speech as she blinks down at his still seated, calm frame. At first she blinks a few times, centering herself to where she was as she promptly eases herself back down into her chair. 

"   Oh.   "

 It's all she can manage for the moment, head craned to the side as he picks up his own cup. Was there anything else to add to that? Didn't she proposition him with hundreds of questions? She narrows her eyes slightly, trying to piece together the snippet of advice he'd given her.  Huh. It .. it made sense. If she didn't let the words of others get to her, there would be no reason to get riled up about proving herself, would there? With a slow sigh, she finally speaks again from her stunned silence, "  I guess you're right.   " A sheepish smile lifts at the corners of her lips, lifting her fork to prod at her chilled meal once again. "   So .. does that mean whether someone is half-or-pure doesn't really matter to you?   "