#jung soobin | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mymoodwriting · 8 months ago

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3.8k, deja vu au, reader appears in the end, alcohol, drinking, depression, past relationship, amnesia, gaslighting, manipulation, denial, character deaths, implied character deaths, car accident, lingering spirits, traveling dimensions, 99% certain you will cry, I cried writing this (@starillusion13)

“Hey… it’s me again…”

Yeonjun laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling while he was on the phone. There was so much he wanted to say, but it was hard to find the words at times.

“I know you’re busy but… you know it’d be nice to hear your voice again… I’m really-”

The beep cut him off as that was all the time he had to leave a message. He thought to try again but he left it that way. He sent you a lot of messages throughout the day, and he didn’t want to piss you off more than you already were. He laid in bed for a while longer before getting up and preparing for the day. The apartment was a lot quieter without you around, and he was well aware of that everyday. Still he didn’t touch your things, leaving them as they were, always waiting for the day you’d forgive him and come home.

On his way out he stopped to look himself over in the mirror, wiping away the tears on his face. He always woke up crying, and he couldn’t understand why. He never remembered his dreams, but he always felt such heartache every morning. He knew he missed you so much, but perhaps he missed you a lot more than he even realized. Once he was out of the apartment he texted his coworker, letting them know he was on his way. He worked as a line cook at a small little joint. It wasn’t anything fancy but it paid the bills and gave him a consistent schedule, so he didn’t hate it too much.

For his lunch break Yeonjun went up to the rooftop, eating in peace and watching the world go by. The scene was quite lovely and it brought back memories. Back then when you had been dating you’d stop by to visit him during his lunch break whenever you had a chance. You could enjoy the view together, and had taken a few pictures together, as well as shared a handful of kisses. It was a little awkward now for Yeonjun, knowing you wouldn’t come up there to meet him anymore, but the memory of you here was what always brought him back. When he heard the door open he perked up, thinking a miracle was about to happen, but instead he saw Soobin walking over. His friends knew of his lunch spot too after all.

“Where you been, man?”

“Ah, you know, just living my life.”

“But you don’t have time to text or call?”

“My bad.”

“It’s okay. I understand.” Soobin took a seat next to Yeonjun. “How you been though?”

“Okay, I guess. Just going through the motions.”

“You know we’re here for you, right?”

“I know. I just don’t wanna burden you guys or sound like a whiny bitch.”

“You wouldn’t be a burden, or annoyance, you know that.”

“Yeah, but I don’t wanna test our friendship over something like this. It’s not a break up, just some miscommunication. We’re taking a break, that’s all.”

“… oh…”

“I’m fine though, really.”

“… yeah… yeah I can see…” Soobin cleared his throat. “You know, the guys are gonna get together on Friday for some drinks, you wanna come? Wouldn’t be bad to spend a night out with us, right?”

“I’d like that.”

“Cool. I’ll text you the details.”

“Thanks.”

Yeonjun admired the view once more, deciding to take a picture and send it to you. Soobin watched him curiously. He could admit it was nice to see the world from up here.

“Who you texting?”

“Y/n. We used to come up here a lot and enjoy the view together. This way we can still share it even if she’s not here now.”

“… right… I, uh… I gotta get going, but I’ll see you Friday?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. See you later.”

“Be safe.”

Yeonjun stayed up on the roof for a while longer before heading back down to finish his shift. He lived close to work, so the commute wasn’t that long, but most nights he’d pick up a few odd jobs doing deliveries. That way he got to travel past all the places you’ve made memories together. The restaurants you’ve dined at, the walks you took together, the ice cream you shared. It was a happy trip down memory lane, and he hoped to do it all again someday. He stopped along the way to check his messages, and just like before you hadn’t responded. Countless messages have gone unanswered, and he could see that you haven’t even opened them. When he finally got home he decided to try giving you a call.

“Hi, you’ve reached y/n, I can’t come to the phone right now, but I’ll get back to you as soon as I can! And if it’s you, Yeonjun, I’m sorry I missed you, but I’ll see you later, love you! Okay, bye!”

Hearing your voicemail message always brought a smile to his face. Perhaps that’s why he kept calling. After the beep though his mind went blank, unsure of what to say at first until the words came to him.

“Hey… how are you? I hope you’re doing well… I, uh, I sent you a picture earlier from the rooftop… it brought back a lot of memories… you know, you could at least let me know you’ve seen my messages… I don’t mind if you leave me on read, but I guess you must be busy… Soobin came by today, told me this Friday-”

Another beep told him his time was up and the line then went dead. He sighed and looked back at his texts, but there was nothing new from you. He lingered in the shower afterwards, trying not to break down in tears. It had been so long now without you, but he was still doing pretty well to hold himself together. He laid in bed, staring at the ceiling for who knows how long before he finally fell asleep. His alarm would wake him in the morning, freeing him from whatever tear filled dream he wouldn’t remember. It was probably more accurate to call them nightmares, but all he knew was what he felt in the morning, nothing else.

This was his usual routine, so he just went about his day as normal. He’d call and leave a message, getting ready for work and spending his day out in the world, distracting himself from your absence. He felt cold in a way he couldn’t describe. It was spring, leading into summer, so the weather itself wasn’t a reason for his feelings. He knew what was, but he didn’t want to dwell on it too long for fear of being swallowed up whole. Yet every passing day made him feel as if you were fading away, and that’s the last thing he wanted.

Every morning he’d feel the tears on his face. Sometimes he’d wake before his alarm, sobbing uncontrollably, his throat burning from the tears. His face hurt from all the crying, but it seemed he was getting used to the pain now. Once he calmed down he found himself staring at the blank ceiling once more. It was easy to zone out that way, drifting back into the memories of the past, the memories forgotten. Although every time he tried to look back it seemed harder to grasp those moments, to grasp onto you. Such feelings always led him to call, even if you wouldn’t answer. He still hoped that someday you would.

“I miss you… I really fucken miss you… and I’m sorry… I honestly can’t remember what we fought about that day but I know it must have been something stupid… we’ve fought before over worse things but this… whatever it was… y/n please… please let me make it up to you… I want to hear your voice again, I want you to say my name again… I can’t… I can’t lose you-”

He screamed after the beep and threw his phone across the room. It was all true. He missed you like crazy and yet you were nowhere to be found. He desperately wanted to remember what happened that day, but even after all this time it was a blur. The stupid anger he felt, knowing you were leaving upset. Things shouldn’t end that way, and all he wanted was to make it up to you, to see you again and apologize for hurting you. Yet ever since that day you’ve disappeared from his life and gone silent. All his messages and texts have gotten him no response, and he was quietly going insane. Somehow he still managed to live his life, day by day, but it was becoming unbearable the longer this went on.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

“Yeonjun! It’s so good to see you!”

Taehyun and Kai ran up to hug their friend when they saw him, the atmosphere growing brighter with his presence. Everyone was happy to see him as it had been a long time since they all last hung out together.

“Thanks. Soobin invited me, and I thought I’d see how you were all doing.”

“This is gonna be fun.” Kai admitted. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Let’s drink till sunrise.” Taehyun added. “I’ve built up my tolerance, I can totally take you on.”

“Ya, relax.” Soobin stated. “We haven’t even ordered the first round. We’ll see if your words hold up later. Sit, sit.”

“I’ll order.” Beomgyu said. “It really is great to see you, Yeonjun.”

“Same here.”

To be surrounded by friends, and drinking for joy, it was truly something Yeonjun had needed. He wasn’t alone, and he could forget his sorrows while in this moment. Everyone talked about what they had been up to, their plans going forward, and they all promised to see each other again soon. It was kinda strange to feel happiness like this again after so long, and Yeonjun wished to share it with you. By sunrise they were all pretty gone, but Yeonjun still had enough sense of self to act on his own.

“Excuse me for a minute, I gotta do something.”

“Hurry back.”

Yeonjun got up from the table, stumbling a bit towards the door. He pulled out his phone and dialed your number. Of course he was met with the usual ringing, but this time things were different. As he was walking out he stopped, hearing a familiar sound.

“Y/n, could you please pick up the phone, it’s your boyfriend calling.”

Yeonjun had recorded a special message for you to use as a ringtone whenever he called. So hearing it now sent chills down his spine, sobering him up in a second. He looked around the place, searching for the source, but it was naive to think you were there somehow. Out of the corner of his eye he caught the truth. Beomgyu pulled out a phone, your phone, quickly shutting it off before slowly looking up at Yeonjun. Their eyes met and for a moment the world froze. It was just the two of them in this silence, but the rage inside Yeonjun quickly burned away the cold and he stormed back over to the table. Yeonjun dropped his phone and reached over to pull Beomgyu close, getting up in his face.

“Why the fuck do you have y/n’s phone!”

“Yeonjun, I, I can explain.”

“What the fuck! I have been trying to reach her for weeks! Why the fuck do you have her phone!”

“Yeonjun, calm down!”

Everyone had sobered up in an instance. Soobin and Kai grabbed Yeonjun, pulling him away from Beomgyu. The boy took a few breaths, Taehyun looking him over. Yeonjun tried to free himself, a fire burning inside him, and his eyes locked on Beomgyu.

“Where is she!?” Yeonjun yelled. “Where is she, Beomgyu!?”

“Yeonjun…”

“Tell me! Where the fuck is she! You fucken bitch! Where-”

“Yeonjun, stop it.” Soobin interrupted. “Don’t do this here.”

“Let me go! I need him to tell me the truth.”

“That’s not gonna help.”

“Fuck you! Tell me where she is, Beomgyu! What has she told you!? Where is she!?”

“Yeonjun-”

“Where-”

“She’s gone!” Taehyun spat. “Yeonjun, she’s fucken dead.”

“… huh?”

“Taehyun, don’t.” Kai said. “This isn’t-”

“She got into a car accident a few weeks back.” Taehyun continued. “You were there, you went with her to the hospital and she… she didn’t make it…”

“… no… no… no, that’s not true! Liar! You fucken liar!”

“It’s true.” Beomgyu added. “You disappeared after the doctors pronounced her dead. You didn’t even go to her funeral. We didn’t see you for days, and when you suddenly reappeared you were talking about some fight and that you two were taking a break. You fucken gaslight yourself, and we just let you be cause surely you’d come to your senses eventually.”

“She… where is she?”

“I can tell you where she’s been laid to rest…”

“No, no… no…”

“We all miss her too, Yeonjun.” Kai added. “I’m sorry…”

“… you’re lying… you’re all liars…”

Yeonjun fell to his knees, his vision being blurred by tears. He didn’t want to believe any of this, yet his heart hurt like never before in this moment. Soobin and Kai let him go, cautiously stepping away to give him space. They all knew the truth had to surface somehow, but they didn’t want it to happen this way.

“Why did you have her phone?” Soobin questioned. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was the one who took her belongings and before I could deactivate the phone I noticed Yeonjun kept texting and leaving messages. I couldn’t… I don’t know what would happen if I suddenly cut the line.”

“You should have told me you had it. I thought he did and he was feeding his own delusion. Why did you even bring it!?”

“I forgot to leave it at home, besides I didn’t think he’d leave a message right now.”

“Yeonjun- where did he go?”

When the others tried to look for Yeonjun they realized the boy was already gone, having run off when he had the chance. Yeonjun had no idea where he was running too, but he just had to get away. Tears blurred his vision, wiped away only for a moment by the wind. Somehow he wound up running away from civilization and out into the fields. The light from the sunrise illuminated his path, but it did nothing to soothe the pain in his chest. His legs could only take him so far and he eventually collapsed, falling to the ground. He struggled to breathe, the lack of air and pain from his tears making it hard to regain his breath.

While he laid there images began to flash before him. A car wreck, fire, sirens in the distance getting louder and louder. The crowds around him, screaming and calling for help. A vague image of an injured hand sticking out from an overturned car. He stood frozen in place, taking in the whole scene before screaming and running towards the fire. Yeonjun jolted up, still in the field and looking around at the emptiness. He was alone, completely alone. He didn’t want to believe you were gone, he couldn’t, yet he felt it in his heart. All those dreams he had, they had truly been nightmares, memories of that day. Yet he wanted to deny it all.

“Please… please…”

Yeonjun had gotten on his knees, praying, begging, to see you again. Things couldn’t end this way, definitely not like this. He had been terrible at times, unable to keep promises or leaving you alone in all kinds of ways. Still he loved you, he loved you more than anyone else, and he’d never love another like he loved you. So he prayed, begged, to anyone who would listen, if he could have you back, promising to never let go again.

“You lost her, didn’t you?”

Yeonjun opened his eyes to see Beomgyu standing before him, then the boy kneeled down to embrace him in a hug.

“It’s okay, it’s okay… I lost her too…”

“She can’t be gone… she can’t be…”

“She is… but I can give her back.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Promise me you’ll look after her.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Yeonjun!!!”

Yeonjun turned around to see his friends running in his direction, all four of them. Once it clicked in his head he looked back at the Beomgyu by his side.

“What…”

“There isn’t much time. Please, promise us you’ll take care of her. She can’t be alone.”

“I…”

“Promise us.”

“… I promise.”

A blinding white light changed day into night. Yeonjun found himself alone once more, standing in the middle of nowhere. It took him a moment to truly regain his composure, confused about what had just happened.

“Yeonjun!”

Your voice, he had almost forgotten what it sounded like in real life, and not just some recording. Tears stung his eyes, except they were of joy this time. Although that feeling only lasted for a bit. When he turned around his eyes went wide, memories rushing in. That day you had come to pick him up, the two of you planning to get the others and you were all going to go on a weekend trip. He had a bad day at work and just snapped at you for no reason. You were rightfully upset, telling him to get himself together and call you when he wanted to be picked up. You drove off without another word. He already regretted his actions as he watched you leave, and when he turned his back he heard a loud noise.

Screams soon filled the air and he ran over, seeing smoke rising into the air. He was met with a horrifying scene. Your car was turned over, some other idiot hitting you and causing the whole wreck. He was frozen in shock, being able to see your hand sticking out of a broken window. When he saw your fingers move he snapped into action and rushed over. It was all really a blur from there but now he stood before a similar scenario. There was an overturned car just off the road, a giant fire roaring from it and the bits of debris around were also engulfed in flames. You were on your hands and knees before a body, screaming and crying.

“Yeonjun! Yeonjun! Yeonjun, get up! Please, Yeonjun… Yeonjun… you can’t leave me alone… please… Yeonjun! Get up! Please… please… yeonjun…”

Yeonjun wasn’t dreaming this time, or reliving a memory, this was something else entirely, and there was no waking up to reality. This was the real world, and it was like deja vu. He took a shaky step forward, one foot after another. Your name escaped his lips as a whisper, in the moment he struggled to call to you although seeing you again was what he had desperately wanted. As he got closer he noticed four other bodies scattered around, and your face became clearer, illuminated by the fire.

“… y/n…”

“… yeonjun… please wake up… please…”

“Y/n.”

Yeonjun choked back tears as he said your name. From where he was he could see your clothes were torn up, and that you were covered in cuts and bruises. When you looked up to meet his eyes he froze. It really was you, he could never forget those beautiful eyes, even when they were full of tears and agony. He couldn’t forget your face either, regardless of how many injuries decorated it.

“Yeonjun…?”

“Y/n.”

“Yeonjun… Yeonjun!”

You scrambled to your feet, ignoring the searing pain from your leg as you finally stood. You tried to run, but it was more of a desperate limp as you made your way over to Yeonjun, tears blurring your vision. Maybe this was all just some hallucination, or maybe Yeonjun had come back for you, either way there was only one way to know for sure. Yeonjun caught you in his arms, almost in disbelief that it was really you. He held you tightly, so fearful you’d suddenly disappear again.

“Yeonjun, is it really you…?” You sobbed into his shirt. “Don’t leave me alone… please…”

“No… no, I’m not going anywhere… I got you… I promise.”

Yeonjun’s legs gave out, the adrenaline wearing off, but he kept his hold on you. The two of you collapsed to the ground, but neither said much. Yeonjun stared at the car wreck, slowly looking down at your battered body. The car suddenly exploded, causing you to scream and hold Yeonjun tighter. He did his best to shield you, watching the flames grow brighter, and noting all the bodies were suddenly gone.

“Yeonjun… what’s going on?”

When Yeonjun heard his name he looked over to see his friends walking towards him. They looked worried, and confused, coming to Yeonjun for answers, but he had none.

“I… I don’t know…”

Yeonjun noticed his friends covered in injuries as well, their clothes different from when he last saw them and now torn up. He suddenly winced, looking down at his own body, seeing injuries that hadn’t been there before, and realizing his own clothes had changed.

“I thought you were dead…” You sobbed. “I thought you were all gone…”

“Y/n?” Kai questioned. “Is that…”

“We’re all okay.” Yeonjun cut in. “We’re all gonna be okay. I promise.”

The boys all looked at each other, but now wasn’t the time for questions. Soobin and Taehyun helped you and Yeonjun get up. You were in no position to walk, so Soobin picked you up in his arms, carrying you bridal style and having you wrap your arms around his neck. They all had a vague sense as to where to go, starting to walk away from the wreck. Yeonjun stayed close to you, softly petting your head and assuring you he was right here with you, they all were. Your eyes stared deeply into his, feeling that his words were true. Yeonjun saw the fire reflecting in your eyes, seeing something strange and turning around. Among the flames he saw five silhouettes, not needing to wonder what that was.

“I promise.”

The smoke overtook the fire and he turned back to you, offering you a smile. You reached out to hold his hand and he took it, feeling the warmth it brought him. He may not know the past here but whatever the future held he knew you’d see it all together, and make new memories. He leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on your hand, forever grateful his prayers were answered. Yeonjun would keep his promise, as he was sure they all would.

“Yeonjun.”

“Hm?”

“Everything’s gonna be okay… we’re gonna be okay… right?”

“Yes. I promise.”

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