#jumbled incoherent thoughts

[luthordamnvers]

I still think I need to watch the entire show again, but I'm gonna try and collect some very scattered thoughts because the ~discourse is appalling, tbh.

Idk who needs to hear this, but every single marvel project has been about the widening of the marvel cinematic universe. And it's fucking insane, that people are reducing this show as "just a way to get Wiccan" when it was so much more, especially for a show that wasn't even supposed to exist. It was a show spearheaded by a showrunner who initially pitched it because she loved Agatha, and Kathryn's portrayal of Agatha. One that happens to be a woman, btw (one that happens to had been at the forefront of both Captain Marvel [Uncredited] and been responsible for the first past of Black Widow [Story by, credits]).

Don't get me wrong, the MCU certainly has misogynistic undertones, the fact that we had to wait to have a woman led movie, or a movie director, as long as we did is a travesty. That without even going into the intersectionality that we are still missing in the wider MCU. And one that's inherent in the comic book world, if we are being honest. But guess what, THIS is the type of show that changes that narrative.

The fact that wandavision is still regarded the best Marvel-Disney+ show. So good that got an spin off focused on "a nanny". Show that delivered on a show being about her, and yet not the entire story, with outstanding narrative, direction and storytelling. And some swats of fandom are diminishing it left and right. The dudebros because it was about a woman, about a middle-aged woman, about a queer middle-aged woman. And others in the fandom because it wasn't as queer as they wanted, or focused on what they wanted.

And let's be honest, I'm amazed the show was as unapologetically and canonically queer as it was. Thanks to the efforts of Jac, Kathryn and the team behind it.

Agatha is based on a character that's been around for 50 years, and has being nothing but a nanny/governess for superpowered kids because she happens to be a witch, until relatively recently. Even when we had had part of her back story for decades, she was never that important, and she isn't even evil. Dare I say, she hasn't been that relevant until her run with the Scarlet Witch, and Kathryn Hanh's interpretation of her.

Agatha All Along, is not only an spin off of Wandavision, but also part 2 of the whole story. OF COURSE, Billy would be a very important part of her story, something that was touched upon in WV, but was also part of her (and I'm using this word very loosely) redemption arc.

She shared a kinship with Billy in WV, because he was magick. She wanted to understand how he worked, because she knew what Wanda did, and she wanted Wanda's powers. The fact that she could identify Billy immediately, even when she hoped it was Nicky, was important, but people were to busy whining about Billy having an episode. One episode that was also relevant to the ending of the show. And the full arc of the saga's mythology.

Is the show perfect? Not at all. Did I enjoy the heck out of it and can appreciate what it actually did? Absolutely yes. Can I appreciate how GOOD it was at storytelling? Hell yes.

It was a show absolutely centered in women. Good women, bad women, women of color, old women, younger women. The one man was a queer, three-year old in the body of a 16 year old. And mind you, this character has been making queer history, since his very recent creation (2005). This show is unapologetically queer, we had a huge ass Trans flag that said Protect trans kid in huge black letters being very prominent in the shots. It's HUGE, and not even by marvel/disney standards. The show had nothing to do with coming out, or acceptance, or people dealing with phobia. It was about queer people existing and being queer. Hell, you could make a case that they were saying "being a witch" is an allegory of being queer.

Every single member of the coven could be queer. They hinted at it with Jen, at the very least.

Let's talk about the rest of the coven. Who for me were the absolute highlight of the show.

Alice, generational trauma, the protection witch. The most tragic to me. She saw her curse, as a lie. As something her mother made to neglect her. And yet she couldn't keep a job, she resented her mother, and she had to be reminded of her every moment because her mom was a famous Rockstar. She goes to the road, she comes to terms with her mom's love for her, how her mom's version of the ballad was a protection spell, as much as Alice hated it, and she manages to defeat her curse. She protects her coven. Only to immediately die. Her dialogue with Death was devastating:

Alice: That's it? That's all the... That's all the time I get? Death: If I had a nickel... Alice: This can't be the end. It has to be the beginning. I finally broke the curse. I mean, I can really do something with my life now. Death: You're a Protection Witch. Alice: Yeah. Death: You died protecting someone. You ready? Alice: No.

Heart wrenching, unjust, and beautiful.

Lilia, who was plagued by the gift/curse of seeing her and others destiny. Ignoring it for over half her life, staying stagnant, because she was reeling from the fact that she saw the death of her family, her entire coven, she told them and it changed nothing. She was chased out of villages because she could see the tragedies coming. Who refused to be with a coven, love a coven because the heartbreak of losing her first was too much. Who decided that cheap tricks, was better than seeing the tragedies coming, and refused her gifts. She hated the appropriation of her culture, but when the time came, she accepted it, and moved on. She goes to the road, and finds her coven. "I needed you, my coven." And she died, going back to the start, because she'd rather relieve it all again, the good, the bad and the ugly, that keep neglenting herself. "I loved being a witch".

That without going into the absolute masterpiece that was episode 7. Pulling a non-linear story, as solidly as they did, is certainly not easy. And they did it, beautifully.

Jennifer, who was magick-bound for over a century, to the point that she doubted her knowledge and herself. And yet she made a name for herself, she was a successful entrepreneur (she cheated a little, but you know capitalism is the true villain here). A black woman who was outstanding at her craft, healing and being a midwife, to the point that she became an inconvenience to the fragile, egomaniacal, white men in the medical field. Where they sought out a way to stop her indefinitely. And yet she kept going, and survived. Even at the end of the road. She looked at the person who bound her, and said: "I deny your power over me. You hold nothing." And she unbounded herself, and got out. Not because of Billy or even Agatha but in spite of her. Jennifer survived, just like she has been doing for however many centuries, and she flew towards the sunset. Because 'She's the path ahead'. The growth she had, from being selfish the first few episodes, because that's how she survived, to screaming for Lilia when she decided to stay behind. Jennifer clawed her way out of the road, the bound. And she deserved it.

As for Billy... he's so much like her mother. He accidentally created the road, because he's equally, if not more, unaware of his powers as Wanda. Wanda at least thought she got powers from Hydra's experimentation. Billy isn't even supposed to exist. Billy who was "10 years old" but, realistically like 2 weeks old. Who got thrown into the body of this guy, who he doesn't know, and who doesn't even knows himself, because he doesn't remembers, with powers he doesn't quite understands and then he starts piercing moments of his life together, because he feels this massive hole in his being. And finds his answers on Agatha. He truly believes the road is real, that can take him to someone who while not have the answers, might feel the same way as him. Who was his other half, he doesn't remembers it, but he feels it.

His magick, is like Wanda's, Chaos magick, it manifests without his real knowledge or intention, but by his feelings. He created the road, with all the knowledge he thought he had, the road follows the rules Agatha and Nicky created when they made the ballad. Even if he doesn't know it.

Is the show about Billy? Not necessarily. Billy is important to Agatha, because Billy is Agatha's son now. Not by blood, not even by magic, but by choice. As much as she denies it, her "calculated risk", had something to do in the way she saw Billy, and how she wanted to protect him, in a way she couldn't protect Nicky.

And finally, Agatha. Agatha who built a reputation of killing all her covens. Starting with her mother's. Because her mother sentenced her to death, because she was born evil. And she took that and ran with it. She connived, and betrayed, but she survived, something she's extremely proud of. Do I wish we had seen more of her past? 100%. I wanted to know how she got the Darkhold, how she actually met Rio, how they fell in love. Does not really knowing diminish her storyline? Not at all. Because what we got was really nuanced, and it's going down the hill with people focusing only in the romantic relationship aspect. If anything, I think this is being reductive of Agatha, not Billy. The fact that she needs the love interest for people to focus on her, regardless if that love interest is a man or a woman.

But even then, what did people think it would happen? Agatha Harkness had a romantic relationship with Death itself. It was never going to be a romance, it was always a tragedy. Death who took her son away, Death who gave her time with her son, but never specify how much time. Who then followed her around, torturing her with its presence, and we know Agatha is resentful and can hold a grudge.

Death who kindly stopped for her.

Rio knew Agatha would always resent her, even when she gave Nicky more time, because at the end of the day, she would always had to take him away. As much as it was a kindness to let him be born, to take him while he and Agatha were asleep. She had to take him anyways, and Agatha would never forgive her.

Agatha letting the witchfolk think that she exchanged her son for the Darkhold, or made a deal with Mephisto, and saying it was because "the truth was much worse" had nothing to do with *our* perception of worse. But hers. A powerful witch who couldn't save her son, a woman who couldn't keep her son alive. A witch who let her lover take her son away. Using her son to lure more witches. Then using the song, that her son lovingly created for themselves, to lure even more witches to their doom, just for her to be more powerful and keep living (and potentially still looking relatively young). A song that was special to them, corrupted, because she wanted more power and killing witches, something she knew Nicky didn't like. Witchfolk thinking Agatha got the Darkhold trading her son, was better than what she thought of herself.

She saw Nicky in Billy, how he didn't like killing witches (as accidentally as Billy did), how he mourned, how he somehow still believed in Agatha, even with his barbs at her.

She sacrificed herself, not necessarily because of Billy. But because of Nicky, her boy she couldn't save. And yet here is another boy she loved, not the same but very similarly, one she could save.

Billy didn't manipulate her, (and even if he were to, Agatha would probably be proud of him for that) he's been consistent in wanting to understand Agatha. He's curious. Hell, he didn't even need to come back for Agatha, he had gotten out (wherever out was for him) but he came back, because he cared about Agatha. And if some people can't see that, because he happens to be a he... well, no matter what had happened in the show, those people wouldn't see it any other way.

Agatha becoming a ghost, and immediately seeking Billy, because she loves him, and she likes the way he sees her, not good or innocent, but knowledgeable, and with the potential to do good. And she sees Nicky in him, and his potential too.

There is so much more analysis, and I might share more thoughts later, but for now, this is it. I still wanted more, Agatha's story with the Darkhold, the Salem seven, more of the coven, yet not necessarily for the show or the episodes to be longer, but I would love to see if they expand on this, on another spinoff.

[notafragileegg]

"What are you thinking right now?"

I am not about to explain, that my thoughts, essentially, sound like if you were to turn on 5 different radio channels at once and play them at full volume in a really big empty echoey warehouse

[coachbeards]

something about roy going back to his childhood pitch while he was going through rough patches in his career, something about him carrying around trent's article of him when he was first starting out that wrecked him, something about roy throwing his childhood blanket that his grandfather gave him into the curse fire, something about him being beaten so badly when he was first coming up through sunderland,,,, something.

[sforzesco]

But Cardinal, could you please expand a little on your thoughts behind putting Cassius in Crassus' house? There's something there and I can't quite explain.

honestly, I gotta put him SOMEWHERE

part of it is that there's a huge absence with regards to Cassius' family that leaves a lot open to speculation and invention, but that exact same absence creates a weird situation where he feels ungrounded compared to Brutus. in Cicero's letters, he's like. not in his own house. In narratives like HBO Rome, his first appearance is in Brutus' house. in Julius Caesar, it's the streets of Rome for Cassius to give his speech. Plutarch details the ancestry of Brutus' home, but mentions without naming them that Cassius is moved by tryant killer ancestors of his own.

I want to separate Cassius from Brutus and see what Cassius is like when he's not overshadowed by Brutus, and uh. well! for historical purposes, there's a lot of ???? happening there, and for narrative purposes, I still need to put him somewhere because the only time we get a house is like. the day of the conspiracy, and we still know more about what Brutus' house looked like than we do of Cassius! scream.

So Crassus! A book I read once posited the idea that Cassius got a role in Crassus' Parthian expedition via the hypothetical scenario that his father served under Pompey, but I like to indulge the idea that Cassius overlapped with Crassus' household through Publius' relationship with Cicero because it's mentioned elsewhere that Cassius was ALSO someone who sought out Cicero in his youth. who knows! they could have met there! It ties into my whole thing about Cassius' suicide at the thought of his friends being taken prisoner has to do with Publius Crassus' death at Carrhae.

there's also a case for a Pompey-Cassius connection as well

Pompey, Cato, and the Governance of the Roman Empire, Kit Morell

Crassus in Plutarch's biography of him writes that Crassus house was open to people across all social stratum, and if the door is open, and I'm keeping with the tradition of placing Cassius in places that are not his house but refraining on purpose from entangling him with Brutus, then Crassus is the place to go!

AND ALSO. finally. awhile back, I was talking to @illegible-scribble about Cassius' half sister, Licinia, and a theoretical 'what happened to Cassius' son?' scenario, and he proposed a FASCINATING theory involving Lucius Licinius Murena, who was at one point defended by my guy Marcus Licinius Crassus! and there is so little of Cassius to work with, so I will seize the dots where they are

[spaceorphan18]

Do you think some of the Hummelberry friendship could be attributed to survival mode and later trauma-bonding because of the break-ups and later Finn dying?

this is such an interesting question nonny! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get to it! I mean, yes-ish? The break ups -- not really but Finn dying definitely.

Sometimes I find it hard to analyze Hummelberry because I'm always coming from the writers' perspective of they needed Rachel Berry to have a best friend and Kurt was popular so they made it happen.

I know they were planting seeds of Hummelberry in Season 2, and namely BTW and New York they kind of started this whole thing about the two of them bonding over having a shared dream of Broadway but I think Season 3 is where the deconstructing really becomes beneficial.

And an interesting take - more so than the shared dream - is this idea that Kurt now has a (literal) brother in Finn and Finn's girlfriend is Rachel Berry. And by proxy, by the fact that they have to share the same space not only at school but now at home leads to a sibling dynamic between the two of them.

I don't know if I'll ever fully buy the gay bff angle they were trying to push in Season 3 -- because Kurt Hummel just will not stand for being someone's gay bff - but because also siblings seems more apt to their personalities.

So getting back to the thoughts above...

The thing about moving to a place you've never really been before and going to college on your own, you kind of latch onto the only familiarity you might have. And for Kurt it's Rachel. Rachel, in turn, doesn't need that sense of stability in the same way -- she's busy reinventing herself anyway. But while that change is happening at that time in your life, you do hold on to things you know before spreading out and latching onto the things that make more sense.

So in that way - I buy Kurt and Rachel sticking with each other -- the same way Santana coming into the dynamic works, even if it doesn't. The familiarity and past experiences is what binds them together.

As for the break ups... this is such an interesting thought.

I think, first of all, their break ups were very much different. Because those particular relationships were very much different. Beyond the fact that I think Finn and Rachel, while always being tied together in a way for being a connection in high school, were always destined to be on different paths, Rachel was the one who broke it off. She needed space to grow up and find herself and learn who she was without defining herself with Finn. It's why she pushes Kurt to go out and date and experience the world because she wants him to be where she is.

And Kurt isn't. Kurt, when it comes to relationships, very deep relationships -- with his dad and with Blaine, is very closed off. He always guards his heart very closely. And Blaine (like his dad) was supposed to be a constant he always relied on. It's kind of insane that Blaine did what he did because Kurt just figured that he would always just be there and fixed and that's it. (Kurt and Blaine's issues aside - that's a full different conversation.) And when Blaine wasn't there anymore, his world shattered a bit - and he went inward. It was much easier to let Rachel lead him through the world because he didn't want to deal with his. But I don't really think Kurt let her in to the subtleties and realities of how deeply he was hurt. He kept his feelings buried for himself.

But I don't really think that made them closer. Once Kurt starts to be okay with himself, and his relationship with Blaine, and his relationship with New York - he starts to pull away from Rachel and be his own person and they kind of start their journeys of going through life in different directions.

Finn's death, though, did give them a bond that is permanent. It goes back to what I was saying about Finn being Kurt's brother and Finn being Rachel's partner. They shared a valued connection with this person who is no longer there, and they have a different grief from others that they can share between them.

I think that long after Kurt (and Blaine) have moved out of the city proper and are busy with their own lives and long after Rachel Berry has been happily married to someone else, there will be moments and times when they look to each other to remember this person who once meant so much to them.

[magicwithineleteo]

Bestie you like Rina right? What's your favorite moment of them from each season? 💖

hi twin!!!

yes i love love love rina i’d say it’s my favorite ship from hsmtmts and honestly maybe top 10 ships in general <3

this is gonna be really hard bc i love their overall journey so much and i can’t name just one moment from every season so i’m gonna name a few per season bc i cannot choose lmao

also there are countless parallels i left out bc i forgot them

season 1:

- character introductions

okay this technically is an honorable mention but i still think it’s important, in the character introductions video, when asked if he’s intimidated by gina, ricky says…

No, actually. Can’t say she does.

i love this line bc everyone was intimidated by gina. she was new, a triple threat, an ultimate bad b who was confident in herself. and that scared the other kids. but ricky was the only one who wasn’t.

when asked about ricky, gina says…

Ricky intrigues me…and I don’t get intrigued.

AHHH??? sorry that just is so AHHHH

- skatepark scene

this scene, i’d say is arguably one of the most important scenes in the whole show. ricky is basically done w the show because he thinks that he’s ruining the show and if he stays in the show, nini will leave and she needs to be the lead, so he unofficially quits. he’s just been scolded(?) or idk nini ranted about how he’s ruining it and how he sinks. he goes to the skatepark and who does he see? gina. now i know her intentions weren’t the best at the time, and she at the time just wanted nini out, but that conversation is what kept ricky in the show, as he confirms a few episodes later. she literally was the only reason he stayed with the show, he was literally about to drop out for nini. she reassured him after him already doubting himself and not knowing what he was doing and nini being rude to him in front of everyone.

That’s why I was stoked when she casted you. Outsiders keep everyone else on their toes. I mean it. You kept us real.

It’s probably better to have someone up there who can actually keep time. That 5 and 6 stuff?

You don’t need Carlos to tell you how to move. He bites other people’s styles. You have your own.

- homecoming car scene

this scene is monumental in the shows history bc this is where rina was officially born i’d say. this scene literally changed the trajectory of the show. firstly, the rina cue was born. he once again says that gina isn’t scary or intimidating.

Let me guess, you pictured a raw iron gate and a bunch of gargoyles?

Kinda. You’re not that scary.

then he confirms that he stayed in the show solely bc of her

I kinda owe you a thank you, actually.

For what?

You’re the reason I stayed with the show. That night at the skatepark? You set me straight, and it’s been a big deal for me, the Troy thing.

Well it suits you.

[…]

You know I…I meant what I said…at the skatepark about you having your own style. I don’t even think I knew how much I meant it when I said it.

and then in the next episode he says that he can’t forget anything that happened at homecoming. WHEN SHE SAID ALL THAT AND THEN KISSED HIS CHEEK

- when there was me and you

gina was the only one who supported his acoustic idea and he played it for her and SERENADED HER. the entire season and show people have been rude to ricky (nini, ej, his parents, miss jenn) and gina is the only one who consistently supports him <3

not only does gina like ricky but he’s also her first friend at east high, the first person she broke her walls around.

at this point, ricky isn’t chasing after nini anymore. and gina isn’t chasing after the lead anymore. they’re both free to just be.

ricky only starts to pursue nini romantically again after gina leaves. because what was he gonna do about his feelings when gina was leaving forever ?? and he was focused on gina too, constantly texting her and trying to talk to her after she stopped showing up to school. he only started liking nini again or focusing on his old feelings because gina was out of the picture and they didn’t think they’d ever meet again. which is why the next section is :O

- stick to the status quo

this was a BIG deal because ricky really thought he’d never see gina again and to see her onstage , performing , was a big shock. she kept re emphasizing how this was her last time seeing them and how it’s one night only.

Don’t blink, you’ll miss me.

The disappearing Gina act.

One night only!

ricky knew she wouldn’t be back so there was no point to do anything with his feelings, because he buried them down after thinking he’d never see her again. what was the point of confessing to her that he likes her if she wasn’t gonna be in his life anymore? she pretty much cut communication with him after she left so there was no point. so he focused on nini and confessed to her.

we later learn there’s more that happened that night.

but now, ricky is with nini and gina gets a surprise offer by ashlyn to stay with her for the next semester.

BOOM SEASON 1 ENDED

season 2:

- valentine’s day conversation

god this scene is so packed .

ricky and gina’s relationship is based on understanding. they say things in this scene like

Valentine’s day is kinda hard for me this year, and I thought of all people, you would understand.

You did?

Yeah well..my mom’s been my valentine every year since I was 4. I guess I thought she would send me a stuffed bear as kind of our tradition. Um, but I just got off the phone with her, and it sounds like she forgot. But she works crazy hard hours. So…

Yeah, I…I get that. Um, missing your mom.

I knew you would. Sorry, there’s just some things I tell you that I don’t really tell anyone else.

Yeah, no, I think we do that for each other.

this conversation reminds me of the one they had in thanksgiving which is also a direct parallel of gina coming to ricky’s home and them understanding each other like no one else where this happened…

Is everything okay?

Yeah, yup…okay, no. I guess my mom has a new boyfriend and it’s just a lot. Sorry, I hate to be a downer.

Look, I…I get it.

No offense, but I’m not sure you do.

Let me guess, you’re mad that everyone and everything because just when you’re getting used to things changing, they change again. Am I close?

A little bit.

[…]

Do what makes you happy.

ricky and gina are incredible because he’s the boy who hates change and she’s the girl whose world is always changing, and they find solace in each other.

- opening night flashback scene

this scene also is so pivotal!! we see gina confess to ricky that she would’ve pursued him had she not moved away. this scene is so beautiful. we also see ricky later regret not stopping her.

You were amazing out there, Ricky. I mean, Breaking Free?

Um, guess so.

Trust me, I’m a theatre person. You guys made some magic.

Yeah, it was actually good to get something right, for once. I guess you have that feeling all the time.

I don’t do anything right the first time, Ricky. My thing is that I just keep pushing. And I never quit.

I know you don’t.

So, I guess I just wanna say that…um…sorry this is so stupid, I don’t know why I’m crying.

Say it.

I wouldn’t quit on us if I wasn’t moving away…So now, I’m gonna give you a really tight hug, and then I’m gonna walk away with my head held high. Okay?

Okay.

AH THIS SCENE IS SO PACKED

firstly, gina supporting ricky again, telling him what a great job he did.

gina says here that she doesn’t do anything right for the first time. this quote itself foreshadows her romantic ending. because in season 3, she has her summers of firsts. first boyfriend, first kiss, etc. this was her first confession too. and it didn’t go the way she wanted it to.

ricky was so gentle w her and is always so gentle when she’s crying :’)

but this scene explains why ricky and gina don’t really speak much. gina confesses to him as the plane was crashing and is staying away from him for herself and out of respect for him and nini’s relationship.

ricky knows that gina likes him, but just got with nini. he doesn’t know what to do, especially since gina is staying now. he pushes down his feelings for her now to focus on nini. he tries to keep their relationship the same by going to her for advice, but she sets the boundary of not confiding in her about nini. he respects her wishes and really doesn’t speak to her for the entire season. and by the time he is single again, even if he wanted to pursue gina, she was already having a thing with ej. there would’ve been no point. he was stuck with his feelings, trying to juggle his dying relationship with nini, repressed feelings for gina, his dad and miss jenn dating and his mom and todd dating.

they both were going through a lot this season. gina literally almost leaves salt lake because she’s so heartbroken.

- second chance

skipping to the end of the season, the entire song of second chance is just so rina coded.

ricky sings

But there is something in this summer wind, a moment to begin again.

and reiterates in this song

Begin again, begin again, begin again.

they all sing

What can make the tide turn? What can make the fire burn? A second chance is all.

they’re saying that the thing that can change the tide and ignite the fire is a second chance.

(also insert the lamp between rina thing here)

ricky also says

Here’s to second chances.

season 3:

- start over

ricky literally says before he goes to camp

This summer is all about second chances.

and then gina says this to him

Can we just start over?

Yes, definitely.

[…]

We’re in a new place, we’re different people now. We can start fresh. No drama, no chocolates. Summer’s supposed to be fun, right?

Yes, totally agree. Summer of fun!

this was so important.

obviously gina is currently happy with ej and even though she has lingering feelings for ricky, she’s excited to have her friend back and is focused on her relationship with ej. ricky is being finally free and is just enjoying himself. no thoughts in his head whatsoever <3

- what do you know about love?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

so earlier ricky was appointed to play gina’s jilted ex who still has feelings for her, and he actually does have feelings for her. gina is currently mad at ej and has old feelings for ricky too. when asked to perform this song and “have fun torturing ej”, this masterpiece was born.

the chemistry is insane the tension is there ricky is WHIPPED gina is swinging him around 10/10

then after, val describes ricky as heartsick and gives her psychological analysis on him

and then later ricky confesses that he wasn’t completely acting when pretending to be in love with gina

- color war events

1. firstly they spent the day together and had lots of fun

2. ricky helped gina set up the little promposal for ej and i think this scene really shows how far ricky’s grown.

in season 1, ricky, while i love him infinitely, purposefully sabotaged nini and ej’s relationship because he loved her. he tried to split them apart and then eventually stopped. in season 3, ricky is in love with gina, however he wants to see her happy and recognizes that currently, ej makes her happy. so he helps her set up this canoe thing for her and watches her surprise ej. he just wants to see her happy, whether it’s with him or without.

then he goes to his bunk and cries

I can’t believe I let color war slip out of my fingers.

You mean Gina?

he’s upset that he didn’t pursue her, that he shouldn’t have let her just leave. he regrets what he did.

this also parallels the quinceñero episode when gina cries seeing ricky and nini.

also both of them saying “you’re the best”

honorable mention- the coat check scene being a direct parallel of homecoming and showing ricky being gentle with gina again after she broke up with ej and ricky being gagged when he sees gina

- kristoff lullaby

this song is so them<3 and lucaya

every single word applies to them.

What do I know about love? Everything I thought I did, you’ve gone and changed it kid. You’re what I know about love.

ricky looks at gina as he sings this part.

AHHHH

it’s perfect for them because she did change his idea of love. like i said earlier, she’s helped him grow. he went from loving nini selfishly, holding onto her desperately because she was his only constant and he would do anything to keep her with him, to loving gina selflessly and purely wanting her to be happy and to thrive, with or without him. he learned to be able to let go because of nini. he had to let her go because he loved her. now he loves gina with no pressure or anything.

it’s him finally letting his feelings out, he’s repressed them the entire time, whether it be because he was with nini or because she was with ej. but now, under the character of kristoff, he’s letting his love be.

and i think that’s so beautiful.

- you’re a yes

gina’s whole confession was so so important and everything about it was perfect to me.

a lot of people thought that ricky should’ve been the one to make a speech but gina making it makes sense. she didn’t confess right the last time (because she doesn’t do anything right the first time) as well as the fact that she was the one who was in a relationship and ricky was respectful of it. he didn’t want to say anything to her because he didn’t know if it was too soon for her to move on or not. it had only been a month since she and ej broke up. gina had to make that choice herself. not him.

i’m gonna go into depth about her confession:

He’s wrong.

Sorry? Who?

EJ. He said we all saw this coming. But I didn’t. Not that night in your car after homecoming, or when I made you that hat at Thanksgiving and the floppy little ears looked so dumb, but..it was honestly one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen. God, Ricky Bowen, you have been a surprise since the day we met. You weren’t the plan, you were never the plan. Plans change. And, if you want me to shut up, I’ll shut up but, I don’t have maybe feelings for you. You aren’t a maybe. You’re a yes. And I like to know where people stand with me so now you know where you stand with me. And so, I’m going to walk out of here with my head held high, and I’m never gonna look back again. Unless you stop me.

Wait.

[They kiss]

okay so now we’re gonna go line by line bc this is genius lyrics

obviously the parallels in the beginning, gina references season 1

You weren’t the plan, you were never the plan. Plans change.

this references 2 things, #1 being ej and gina’s conversation in season 1

What happened to the plan? I think I’m missing it because I’m still the understudy, and you seem pretty happy, so what changed?

Nothing…everything? I don’t know.

So you care about Ricky?

And what if I do?

and also tim’s feelings about rina

And, if you want me to shut up, I’ll shut up but, I don’t have maybe feelings for you. You aren’t a maybe. You’re a yes.

this directly references gina’s breakup with ej, because she says that maybe isn’t good enough for her right now.

And so, I’m going to walk out of here with my head held high, and I’m never gonna look back again. Unless you stop me.

Wait.

directly references her first confession

So now, I’m gonna give you a really tight hug, and then I’m gonna walk away with my head held high. Okay?

Okay.

last time, ricky let her walk away, but this time he didn’t repeat his mistake. and he stops her and he kisses her <3

the end! that was my very long unnecessary post <3 i love rina thank u for asking twin ilysm

[professional-sephiroth-scrungler]

Yeah Sephiroth's new costume is... something. Tbh completely honest though it looks like something Shinra would've had him wear off the battlefield, so I don't feel like him wearing... that doesn't seem out of the picture and I hate it.

It does which adds another layer of grossness from a lore and story front. If its true, its kinda ironic that square put it out as a costume in the first place. TFS saying that Sephiroth was a victim of Shinra from the beginning and that’s definitely a bad thing but in turn, putting that costume out as marketing and “fan service” is doing the exact same thing they’re saying is bad. I’m tired, so that probably wasn’t very coherent lol

It’s just so many layers of “this is weird and gross”

The costume could’ve just been referenced in dialogue like “yeah shinra has me wear things like [costume] sometimes.” Not a thing that people are spending time and money on to have. And some of the stuff on twitter people are saying about it is also pretty weird to just gross. I would expect the rage-bait app to be mad about it, but not that ive seen. I’m probably just rambling now, but yeah.

[thesilliestofgals]

Otona Precure Analysis, aka Nonny rambles incoherently for about 10 minutes

I was finally able to get my hands on the first Otona Precure episode and hoo boy do I have Thoughts™ (/pos) (spoilers for Otona Precure under the keep reading)

To start this off, I'll give a quick summary for concept of a Precure (or any magical girl series, really) episode:

"everything's hunky dory, uh-oh, conflict/problem appears and is present throughout the episode, monster of the week attacks, either during or after the conflict/problem is resolved, now watch us jam out to the ED song, and here's preview for the next episode."

The Otona writers took this concept, chewed it up, and spat it out. Otona also completely deconstructs the "it's fixed in roughly 20 minutes" idea usually seen in Precure. Look at Rumi's situation Her dad is struggling with work. Her parents are getting divorced. Her dad is taking neither of the aforementioned details very well, and is lashing out. She is being transferred to a different school. She wants to continue dancing, but if she does, she'll have to do it all on her own- to top it all off, she's in elementary school. Yeesh.

If this was a normal Precure episode, her problem would be fixed by the 25:15 mark. But... it isn't. Rumi is resigned with the situation. It hurt me to see this transpire on screen, but I was struck by how realistic it all was.

Something I want to also touch upon: the main antagonist. We don't know much about her, but we got an interested lil' monologue from her (paraphrased of course because I watched two different subs of it):

"Time cannot be stopped. It cannot be rewound. However/but... I will change things/it."

It seems Otona's main themes are time, the future, and the past- I do wonder how different it'll be from Hugtto. I hope in next week's episode, we get a little bit more insight into exactly what is happening.

A quick note before I close this out: I think Milk/Kurumi is right in her hypothesis that there is a reason that the gang is being reunited- and, by watching the preview for episode 2, I have a feeling that Nozomi's and Rin's CureMos won't be missing for much longer. (I'm also very curious on why Saki and Mai will be inevitably dragged into this too- maybe they'll make an appearance next week?)

[snowrassa]

CAMELOT REVIVAL THOUGHTS

Gonna try to be nice because, as an avid Camelot 1967 enjoyer, I know what it's like for everyone to hate on an adaptation you're obsessed with :(

THINGS I LIKED:

The cast are so crazy good. No one needs to hear me talk about how much I love Jordon any more than I already have, Phillipa and Andrew also rocked.

The American accents weren't as noticeable in the show as they were on the cast recording, especially Andrew's. I liked him a lot more on stage in particular.

I loved Merlin's death scene, goodbye you old man. Handled better than other adaptations.

Lancelot's outfits. Lancelot's scenes. Lancelot's songs. LANCELOT.

THE STAGING OF FIE ON GOODNESS IS CRAZYYYYYY. THE BED BEING PUSHED ON AND OFF THE STAGE. AAAAAAAAAAAA

Also it's surprisingly funny? A lot of the jokes worked for me.

THINGS I DID NOT LIKE:

Sorry but barely any lines rewritten for this show were better than the original. The original dialogue just goes so hard, this is significantly weaker.

The impact of the love triangle was nuked. Arthur and Genny having a fake marriage, Genny not being in love with Lance, every line that validated extramarital affairs; these all ruined the impact and devastation of Genny and Lance's betrayal. FUNDAMENTAL MISUNDERSTAND OF THE SOURCE MATERIAL.

Aaron Sorkin does not understand Guenevere even a little bit. He keeps jumping from making her all no-nonsense serious-business in her new dialogue to light-hearted and carefree when she needs to sing a song. Genny was already fleshed-out complex character in the original; torn between her duty, loyalty, and LOVE for Arthur and her simultaneous love and desire for Lancelot. This is just another old man trying to girlbossify a woman who didn't need girlbossification.

The removal of magic isn't bad inherently. The way it's handled however is genuinely insulting to fans of the source material. I feel like they're constantly saying "How STUPID would it be if magic existed. Only an IDIOT would expect something magical to happen here." Like, you can get rid of magic without being condescending about it and alienating your target audience.

WHO decided to remove Lance and Genny from 'Guenevere'?????? That song goes SO hard and you're not gonna show Guenevere at the stake or Lance rescuing her????? WHAT THE HELL

I think my biggest complaint is that when Camelot fell, I just didn't care. Like I didn't feel anything. Maybe I'd feel differently if I actually saw it live, but when Camelot falls in the movie it genuinely hurts my heart and I didn't get that here at all.

Sorry the hater section is so much longer than the lover section but I love the original so much so I just had more to say about it

[mollywog]

Trying to complete an ask while all my thoughts are tripping over each other…

[cardiac-arresting-sweetheart]

algebra sucks so bad, I’m horrible at it. :( also English is pretty good, I always preferred it over maths. What do you like about English? I always liked creative writing. I hated whenever I had to disect the meaning behind a poem because I take everything almost literally.

-🦴

aah yeah it's hard to understand :< math really really sucks when u don't get it,,, it's so stressful and annoying </3 .

english is my favorite partially because i can just bullshit through it and get a good grade... eheheh. it's always just been easier for me so... that too. but that's not really a good reason . . .

that's fair !! dissecting the meaning of poems (or any literature in general...) is honestly really hard to do.. like it just doesn't come easily for most people . not really taught how to do that yk ? so when u take things more literally it's like... near impossible yeah . >.> and it's super annoying and frustrating when u can't figure something out !

but we are the opposite on that ehehh i definitely understand what u mean though ! it's like . . . my brain doesn't work in the external world so symbolism and subtext and all that comes a lot more easily to me than any physical things . if that makes any sense ? eheh.

[konigsblog]

Loser!König who secretly records during sex. (🌽 link)

TW/CW: NON-CONSENSUAL RECORDING, PERV!KÖNIG.

Can you really blame him at the end of the day? The poor, neglected antisocial bastard can barely help himself from whipping out his phone sneakily during sex, his thumb hovering over the record button to catch a brief moment of your tight rear bouncing back against his sturdy, broad hips. He's practically frozen, too stunned and aroused to move as his voice trembles and wavers, thanking you for your generosity and kind, sweet offer over and over until he's mumbling and babbling and drooling all over himself through ecstasy.

He overthinks every decision he makes, anxious that it'll become obvious that he's inexperienced — although, it wouldn't take a genius to figure that out. When he places his giant hand against your supple rear, he struggles to catch his breath at the thought of upsetting you rushes through his perverted mind. His dull and clipped fingernails digging into the flesh and plush on your ass. “Oh Gott— Keep moving– bitte!” König's words are muffled and jumbled as he switches between German and English, an incoherent and murmured string of curse words slipping from his soft lips at the sickening thoughts rotting his mind away.

He keeps these videos for himself, becoming overly paranoid and stressed about you catching him in the debauched and sexual act. He's too worked up and exhausted one late night in his apartment that he doesn't think twice before relieving himself with his favourite personal video. The thought of being caught red-handed had slipped his mind, and before König could shut down his laptop and apologise profusely for being an animalistic and depraved loser, you'd caught him, looming over his shoulder, your eyes glued to the graphic video playing on his computer. He didn't notice your lingering presence over his shoulder, too distracted by the pleased noises coming from his computer, determined to reach his orgasm. König was too busy lazily jerking himself off to think properly, ‘til he felt your hand replace his.

—Out of pity, of course. Clearly König yearns for your touch, right? Let's help him out, yeah? Give him something to remember.

[blippin]

I hate the phrase "trust the process" for the same reason I hate seeing middle age moms on Facebook say "it's in god's hands now." I see it so much in the art community and I think it does a disservice to everyone by taking attention away from the efforts of the individual and focusing on the end result. A person has spent years studying and honing their skills in order to put something out into the world, only for it to be reduced by a flippant "trust me bro, it'll be fine. Yeah I dunno how, but like, it will."

It perpetuates the stereotype that art is something mystical that only special people born with innate talent and creativity can hope to achieve, rather than something attainable by anyone with enough patience.

Instead of "trusting the process", why not trust your own abilities? Your time and efforts and everything that you have learned? Your past failures and balled up creations and the experienced gained from them. Everyone's artistic process is different, and they aren't always linear and they don't always work out as intended. So instead of that, why not just trust that you'll keep creating things despite all of that?

[mononijikayu]

drunk tonight — ryomen sukuna.

"Yes, we can." he murmurs, his voice a soft, dominant caress that contrasts sharply with the intensity of the moment. His lips press against your jaw with a sharp, possessive kiss, and you feel your head loll against his, unable to escape the overwhelming sensations. His words are both a promise and a demand, a statement that attempts to bridge the gap between the pain and the passion you’re experiencing. "Because I love you. And you love me."

GENRE: alternate universe - modern au!;

WARNING/S: nsfw, angst, toxic romance, hurt/no comfort, break up, fighting, crying, hurt, physical touch, sexual content, sadness, pain, grief, unhappy ending, depictions of toxic relationship, depiction of grief, depiction of fighting, depiction of sexual content, depiction of loneliness, mention of grief, mention of sexual context, mention of loneliness, toxic ex-boyfriend! sukuna, long suffering ex-girlfriend! reader;

WORD COUNT: 9.4k words

NOTE: the thought bubble says "yes, we can." and "because i love you. and you love me."; i wrote this a while back but i was waiting for the poll to end. but if sukuna wins, then he definitely has his stuff posted first. somehow, sukuna always wins my polls 😆😆😆 anyway, i hope you love this one too!!! i love you all 🫶🫶🫶

masterlist

if you want to, tip! <3

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YOU DON’T WANT TO ANSWER THE PHONE. Late at night, your phone buzzes, its vibration cutting through the silence like a knife. You glance at the screen, feeling a chill run down your spine as you recognize the number. It’s a number you know all too well, one that you’ve tried to erase from your mind but could never quite forget, no matter how hard you tried.

A sigh escapes your lips, your heart sinking as Sukuna’s name flashes across the screen. It’s a name that once brought you comfort, excitement, even love. But now, it’s just a reminder of everything that went wrong, of the hurt and the scars that never fully healed.

You’ve blocked him on everything—social media, messaging apps, even email. You thought you had cut off every possible avenue for him to reach you, but he always remembered your phone number. 

He was always good at that—memorizing details, knowing exactly how to reach you when you least wanted him to. It was one of the things that drew you to him in the first place, his ability to know you so well, to be so in tune with you. But now, it’s a curse, a reminder that no matter how far you try to run, he can always find you.

The text is a mess of jumbled letters and half-formed words, the kind of message that only makes sense to the sender. You can almost hear his deep, slurred voice in your head as you read it, the way he used to talk when he was too far gone, too deep into the bottle. He’s drunk, that much is obvious, and the thought makes your stomach churn.

You roll your eyes, frustration bubbling up inside you. There’s nothing worse than a drunk ex-text. It’s a toxic mix of emotions—regret, anger, longing—all wrapped up in a few poorly typed words. You know how this goes, how the night will unravel if you let it. 

He’ll keep texting, maybe even call, and each message will be more desperate, more incoherent than the last. He’ll say things he doesn’t mean, make promises he can’t keep, and you’ll be left holding the pieces of a conversation that never should have happened.

For a moment, you consider ignoring it, just turning off your phone and pretending you never saw it. But you know that won’t make it go away. You know that as long as Sukuna has your number, as long as he has a way to reach you, this cycle will keep repeating itself.

You take a deep breath, your fingers hovering over the screen. You could respond, tell him to stop, to leave you alone once and for all. But part of you knows that won’t work either. You’ve told him before, and yet here you are, staring at another late-night message from the man you once loved.

Your thumb hovers over the message, the words blurring in your tired eyes. You want to be strong, to resist the pull of old emotions and familiar patterns. But there’s a part of you that’s still connected to him, a part that wants to reach out, to understand why he can’t just let you go.

But you know better. You’ve been down this road too many times before. And as much as it hurts, as much as it feels like tearing a piece of your heart out, you know what you have to do. With a sigh, you delete the message, your chest tightening as you do. You close your eyes, trying to block out the guilt, the sadness, the tiny voice in your head that says maybe this time will be different. But you know it won’t. It never is.

You can’t even muster the energy to be angry. It’s all too familiar, the cycle of hurt and regret that you both keep getting sucked into. You start typing back, your fingers trembling slightly with the weight of it all.

“Sukuna, stop. Wherever you are, just stop.” You hesitate, your thumb hovering over the screen. But you need to say this—you need to finally put it to rest. “This hurts, all of it. It’s a mess, and we’ve broken up. You need to stop chasing after me. We can’t go back.”

There’s a long pause. You wonder if he’ll leave it at that, but another text pings through.

“I can’t… I can’t live with this without trying. Please…”

You swallow hard, feeling the ache in your chest, but you’ve made up your mind. This is a wound that needs to heal, and reopening it will only make it worse.

“Sukuna, I’m done. You need to be, too.” You send the message, and this time, you turn off your phone. The silence that follows is almost deafening, but it’s the first step towards finally moving on.

You purse your lips, staring at the screen as his last message burns into your mind. You know he’s just too drunk tonight. He doesn’t really want you back—not the way he thinks he does. He’s just broken inside, sad and high, and you can feel the weight of his loneliness pressing through the words.

A lump forms in your throat as the urge to cry wells up again. It hurts because deep down, you know the truth. He doesn’t want you back. He’s just lonely, aching for something familiar to fill the void. You’ve been there before, reaching out in desperation, hoping for comfort in the arms of someone who used to mean everything. But that was then, and this is now.

You type slowly, forcing yourself to keep going, even though each word feels like a knife twisting deeper into your heart. "Sukuna, you’re not really after me. You’re just lonely and sad, and I get that. But this… us… it’s over. We ended things for a reason."

Your fingers hesitate over the next part, but you push through the pain. "We hurt each other too much. I didn’t want to be with you anymore because all we did was tear each other apart. And I don’t want that for either of us."

You take a shaky breath, knowing what you need to say, even if it feels like ripping off a bandage from a wound that hasn’t fully healed. "So put down the phone, Sukuna. It’s time to go home. You’re just drunk tonight.”

You hit send, and the tears that you’ve been holding back finally spill over. You’ve been strong for so long, but tonight, in the quiet of your room, you allow yourself to feel the full weight of everything you’ve lost and everything you’ve chosen to leave behind.

You ended things because you knew it was the right thing to do, but that doesn’t make it any easier. And even though you’re telling him to move on, a part of you is whispering the same words to yourself. It’s time to let go, for real this time. It’s time to heal, even if that means facing the pain head-on and accepting that some things can never be fixed.

Your phone rings, and your heart sinks as you see his name flashing across the screen. You hesitate, your thumb hovering over the decline button. You know you shouldn’t answer, know that nothing good can come from this. But some part of you—maybe out of concern, maybe out of habit—hits the green button.

“Sukuna, don’t—”

“I’m on my way.” he interrupts, his voice slurred but filled with a determination that chills you. “I need to see you. We need to talk.”

Your stomach drops, and a sense of dread washes over you. “No, Sukuna. Don’t do this. You’re not thinking straight.”

There’s a pause on the other end, a brief silence where you can hear him breathing heavily, as if he’s fighting to keep his composure. “I have to see you.” he repeats, softer this time, almost pleading. “Please. I…..I want to see you. I wanna…I wanna be with you.”

“Sukuna, please.” you say, your voice trembling. “You’re drunk, you’re not yourself. Turn around and go home. You’re only going to make this harder—for both of us.”

“I don’t care.” he snaps, and you can hear the desperation creeping into his voice. A desperation that’s never been there before. “I can’t keep living like this, pretending I don’t need you. I’ll be there soon.”

Panic starts to set in. You feel trapped, knowing that no amount of reasoning will get through to him tonight. “Sukuna, if you show up here, I won’t open the door. I mean it.”

There’s a harsh laugh on the other end. “You will. You always do.”

His words hit you like a punch to the gut because they’re true, or at least they were. You can’t deny the history between you two, the countless times you’ve stood at the edge of this same precipice, teetering between resolve and surrender. 

How many times had you given in, opened the door, and let him back into your life, even when every fiber of your being screamed that you shouldn’t? You’ve lost count, the memories blurring together into a painful montage of late-night confessions, tearful apologies, and broken promises.

Each time, you told yourself it would be the last. You would stand firm, hold your ground, and finally cut the ties that bound you to him. But then he would show up—vulnerable, raw, and desperate—and the walls you had so carefully constructed would crumble in an instant. 

He knew exactly how to reach you, how to twist the knife just enough to remind you of what you once had, what you once were. And for a fleeting moment, you’d believe that maybe, just maybe, things could be different this time.

But they never were. The darkness that surrounded him, that clung to your relationship like a shroud, always found a way to seep back in. It would start slowly—a harsh word here, a lingering silence there—but soon, it would consume you both, dragging you back into a toxic cycle of pain and regret. Each time you let him back in, you lost a little more of yourself, a little more of the light that once defined who you were.

But you can’t do that anymore. You can’t keep losing pieces of yourself to a love that no longer serves you, to a relationship that has long since become a shadow of what it once was. You’ve fought too hard to reclaim your life, to step out of the darkness and into the light of something better, something healthier. You’ve built yourself back up, brick by brick, and you can’t let him tear it all down again.

This time, it has to be different. This time, you can’t open the door, no matter how much he begs, no matter how much it hurts to turn him away. You can’t let him drag you back into the darkness that you fought so hard to escape. You deserve more—more than late-night texts filled with empty promises, more than a love that only thrives in the shadows. You deserve peace, stability, and a future that isn’t haunted by the ghosts of a past you can’t change.

So you take a deep breath, steeling yourself against the familiar pull of his words, the seductive lure of what could have been. You remind yourself of the pain, the nights spent crying, the days filled with anxiety and doubt. You remind yourself that you’ve survived without him, that you’ve thrived in ways you never could have imagined when you were still caught in his web.

And as much as it hurts, as much as it feels like a betrayal of everything you once held dear, you know that you have to let him go. You have to close the door, lock it, and walk away—this time for good. Because if you don’t, you’ll never truly be free. And freedom, you realize, is worth more than any fleeting moment of comfort he could offer. You can’t let him pull you back into the darkness. You’ve come too far, and it’s time to finally step into the light.

“No, I won’t.” you say, forcing steel into your voice. “Not this time. If you care about me at all, you’ll turn around and go home. You’ll stop this before it gets worse.”

He doesn’t respond right away, and for a moment, you think maybe, just maybe, he’ll listen. But then he speaks again, his voice rough and broken. “I’m almost there. Just… wait for me.”

Your heart is racing now, your mind scrambling for what to do. “Sukuna, if you come here, I’ll call the police. I’m serious.”

There’s a sharp intake of breath on the other end, and then, finally, silence. You think he’s hung up, but then he speaks again, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry for everything. But I have to try.”

He hangs up before you can respond, leaving you standing there, staring at your phone with your heart pounding in your chest. You feel sick, torn between the history you share and the need to protect yourself from the man he’s become.

You take a deep breath, trying to calm the storm of emotions swirling inside you. You don’t want to call the police, don’t want to escalate things that far, but you need to be ready. You need to stay strong, for your own sake.

With trembling hands, you lock your door, turn off the lights, and sit down on the edge of your bed, phone clutched tightly in your hand. You wait, praying that he’ll turn around, that he’ll finally realize that what you had is gone, and it’s time to let it go. But deep down, you know this isn’t over—not tonight, not until he’s standing at your door, and you’re forced to make the hardest decision of your life.

The minutes tick by slowly, each one heavier than the last. You sit in the dark, your breath shallow and your nerves frayed, listening for any sound that might signal his arrival. Every car that passes by your window makes your heart jump, your mind conjuring images of him stumbling out, determined and reckless.

You think back to the times when things were good between you two, when his intensity was something you admired, even loved. But that intensity had turned into something else, something darker and more destructive, and you couldn’t let it consume you both any longer.

Your phone vibrates again, pulling you out of your thoughts. Another message from Sukuna:

“I’m here.”

You freeze, your blood running cold. He’s close, maybe right outside. You stand up slowly, moving toward the window with a mix of dread and resolve. Peering through the curtains, you see his figure in the dim light, leaning against a lamppost across the street, his silhouette unmistakable.

He looks up, and even from this distance, you can see the torment in his eyes, the way his shoulders sag with the weight of whatever he’s carrying. But you can’t let that sway you. You’ve made your choice, and you need to stand by it.

Your phone vibrates again, the familiar buzz sending a jolt through your already frayed nerves. You don’t even need to look at the screen to know it’s him. The notification hangs in the air like a weight, pressing down on your chest, making it hard to breathe.

With a trembling hand, you unlock your phone, the brightness of the screen almost blinding in the darkness of your room. His message is there, short and desperate, the words filled with a plea that you’ve heard too many times before:

“Please, just open the door. We can talk, I swear. I won’t make a scene.”

You close your eyes, willing yourself to stay calm, to keep the tears at bay. His voice echoes in your mind, the deep, gravelly tone that once brought you comfort now only serves to break you down. You can almost picture him on the other side of that door, his eyes wide with that familiar mix of anger and sadness, his posture tense with anticipation. He’s close, so close that you can feel his presence like a shadow creeping over your heart.

It would be so easy to give in, to let him in one more time, to listen to whatever promises he has prepared for tonight. After all, you’ve done it before—opened that door despite knowing it would lead to nothing but more heartache. But tonight feels different. Tonight, there’s a finality in the air, a sense that if you open that door now, it won’t just be another mistake; it will be the last one, the one that shatters whatever remnants of strength you’ve managed to hold onto.

You swallow hard, your throat tight with the urge to cry. You know him too well; you know he won’t leave unless you confront him, unless you face him head-on. He’s stubborn like that, relentless in his pursuit of what he wants, even when it’s something—or someone—that’s no longer his to claim. 

But you also know, deep in your bones, that opening that door is the last thing you should do. It’s a line you can’t cross, not this time. Because if you do, you’ll be dragged right back into the storm you’ve fought so hard to escape. You’ll be pulled into his orbit, where everything is chaotic and intense, where love and pain are intertwined so tightly that you can’t tell where one ends and the other begins.

You take a shaky breath, your hand hovering over the door handle as your mind races. What could he possibly say that he hasn’t already said? What could he promise that he hasn’t already broken? The answers are clear, but the pull of the past is strong, and it tugs at you with a force that’s hard to resist.

But you have to resist. You have to stay strong, for your own sake. Because you know that once you open that door, once you let him back in, all the progress you’ve made, all the nights you’ve spent rebuilding yourself, will be undone. You’ll be right back where you started—lost, hurt, and wondering why you ever let him back into your life.

Your heart aches with the weight of it all, but you know what you have to do. You know that tonight, you have to choose yourself, even if it means walking away from someone you once loved with every part of your being. 

So you close your eyes, forcing yourself to breathe through the pain, to let it wash over you without letting it consume you. You clench your fists, nails digging into your palms as you fight back the urge to cry, to scream, to throw open that door and let everything unravel.

But you don’t. You stay where you are, standing firm in the decision you’ve made. Because tonight, for the first time in a long time, you’re choosing to protect your heart instead of breaking it all over again.

You steady your breathing, forcing yourself to stay calm as the reality of the situation sinks in. Each vibration of your phone feels like a pulse of pain, a reminder of the emotional battleground you’re standing on. You know that answering the door would only open the floodgates, allowing the turmoil and chaos of the past to flood back into your life. You’ve fought so hard to reclaim your peace, and you refuse to let it slip away now.

With a deep breath, you take a moment to center yourself. You remind yourself of the reasons you’ve decided to cut ties, the countless times you’ve faced heartache, and the strength it took to rebuild your life. This decision, though painful, is a necessary step to ensure you don’t lose everything you’ve worked so hard to achieve.

You get up and move to your front door, standing just a few inches away. The cold, unyielding surface feels like a barrier between you and the chaos you’ve left behind. You listen for any sounds—footsteps, a knock—but the night is eerily quiet, punctuated only by the occasional rumble of distant traffic. It’s as if the world itself is holding its breath, waiting for you to make the choice that will define this moment.

Another message from Sukuna pings through, and you resist the urge to check it. Instead, you focus on the decision at hand, the choice you’ve already made. You know that the best way to move forward is to keep the past where it belongs—behind you.

You glance at your phone once more and see that Sukuna has called you again. Your heart races, but you refuse to answer. You let the call go to voicemail, the familiar chime sounding distant and detached. Each unanswered call is a step towards reclaiming your autonomy, towards making it clear that you will not be dragged back into the emotional mess that has defined your relationship.

The minutes tick by slowly, each one feeling like an eternity. Finally, there’s silence—no more texts, no more calls. You take a deep breath, letting the calm settle over you. You feel the weight of your decision settle into your bones, a mixture of relief and sorrow. You’ve chosen to protect yourself, to preserve the hard-earned peace you’ve fought for.

As you turn away from the door, you feel a mixture of sadness and strength. The pain of seeing Sukuna’s name, the torment of his pleas, is still fresh, but you’ve managed to hold firm. You’ve chosen not to open the door, not to let him back into your life. This choice, as difficult as it was, is a testament to your resolve, to your commitment to yourself.

You sit back down, wrapping yourself in a blanket of quiet determination. The tears you’ve fought so hard to keep at bay finally come, not as a sign of weakness but as a release of all the emotions you’ve been holding inside. They’re a reminder of your humanity, of the depth of your feelings, but they’re also a sign of your strength—strength you needed to make the right decision, no matter how hard it was.

You’ve done what you needed to do to protect your heart, and now, you allow yourself to grieve, to heal, and to move forward. You close your eyes, letting the tears flow, and in the silence of your room, you begin the process of letting go, knowing that you’ve taken a crucial step toward finding the peace and happiness you deserve.

You reach for your phone, your hands trembling slightly as you begin to type out a message. You need to be firm, clear, and compassionate, even if you’re struggling with your own emotions. You know that any form of communication right now will only complicate things, but you also want to make sure Sukuna understands the finality of your decision.

With a deep breath, you type:

“Sukuna, I can’t talk to you right now. Please, just go home. We can’t have this conversation tonight. I need some space, and I need you to respect that. Please understand and go home.”

You hit send, watching as the message is delivered. For a moment, you feel a flicker of hope that this will be the end of it, that he’ll respect your wishes and leave you alone. You’ve made your boundaries clear, and now it’s up to him to honor them.

Minutes pass in tense silence, and your phone stays quiet. You sit back down, trying to calm your racing heart, focusing on the quiet around you instead of the anxiety that has taken root in your chest.

But then, a new message comes through. You don’t even need to look to know that it’s from Sukuna. With a heavy heart, you open it:

“I just need to see you. I’m sorry for everything, but I can’t let this end like this. Please.”

You can almost hear the desperation in his words, the anguish that comes from knowing he’s losing you. But you also know that this isn’t just about you and him anymore. It’s about your own well-being, your need to set boundaries and stick to them, even when it’s incredibly hard.

You type back:

“No, Sukuna. This is not the time. I’ve made my decision, and I need you to respect it. I can’t keep doing this. Please, just go home.”

You hit send, feeling the weight of your words settle heavily on your shoulders. You’re asking for something that feels almost impossible—to respect a boundary when emotions are high, when both of you are vulnerable. But it’s necessary. 

You put your phone aside and try to find a way to soothe the emotional storm inside you. You remind yourself of why you made this decision, of the personal growth you’ve achieved, and the need to maintain your peace. You try to focus on the positives of your life and the future you’re working toward, hoping that with time, the pain of this moment will fade and you’ll find a way to heal.

Hours tick by slowly, each minute feeling like an eternity. Finally, there’s a quiet relief in knowing that, at least for now, you’ve done all you can. You’ve set your boundaries and communicated your needs as clearly as possible.

You let yourself close your eyes, allowing the exhaustion to wash over you. The road to recovery will be long and fraught with moments like this, but for tonight, you’ve taken a crucial step toward reclaiming your life. As you drift into a fitful sleep, you hold onto the hope that tomorrow will bring clarity and a renewed sense of peace, allowing you to continue moving forward.

▬ι══════════════ι▬

IF THERE WAS A LOVE STORY WORTH MENTIONING, IT’S YOURS. Because in truth, it wasn’t a love story. It was a painful hurt instead. The romance between you and Sukuna was a tumultuous symphony of passion and pain, a story that oscillated between intense highs and devastating lows. It was a love that consumed everything in its path, leaving behind a trail of broken dreams and shattered hearts. 

You, the good girl with a heart full of hope and idealism, and him, the quintessential troublemaker whose very presence seemed to stir chaos wherever he went. It was a match made in hell, an explosive combination of purity and defiance that sparked with an almost palpable intensity. 

From the beginning, there was an undeniable chemistry between you two, a magnetic pull that drew you into Sukuna’s orbit. You were drawn to his raw energy, the way he seemed to live on the edge of every emotion, pushing boundaries and challenging norms. His life was a whirlwind of excitement and unpredictability, and it was a stark contrast to the more controlled and orderly world you inhabited.

At first, the contrasts were thrilling. Your calm demeanor and responsible nature seemed to balance out his reckless tendencies, creating a dynamic that felt electric and invigorating. You believed that your love could be the force that tamed his wildness, that your stability could anchor him amidst his stormy existence.

But as time went on, the initial thrill gave way to a more complex and painful reality. Sukuna’s troublemaking ways began to seep into every aspect of your relationship, turning what was once exciting into something exhausting. His impulsiveness, once charming, became a source of constant stress and conflict. The very qualities that attracted you to him started to feel like burdens, and the harmony you sought began to slip through your fingers.

The highs were dizzying—moments of intense connection and fiery passion that made you feel alive and on top of the world. But the lows were equally devastating, each conflict leaving deeper wounds, each argument a reminder of how differently you saw the world. The love that had once seemed like a perfect escape from your own constraints now felt like a whirlwind of chaos that you couldn’t control.

Your attempts to bring order and stability to the relationship often clashed with Sukuna’s need for freedom and rebellion. The more you tried to ground him, the more he resisted, and the cycle of conflict and resolution became a relentless pattern. The love that once felt like a daring adventure turned into a series of battles, each one leaving both of you more scared than the last.

Ultimately, the contrast between your worlds proved too great. The boundaries you set were repeatedly crossed, the promises made were broken too many times. The passion that had once ignited your connection became the fuel for your destruction. What began as a match made in hell had devolved into a battlefield of emotional devastation.

You were left to pick up the pieces of a love that had burned too brightly, too destructively. The remnants of your time together were a stark reminder of the dangers of mixing such opposing forces. In the end, the love you shared was a powerful testament to the intense beauty and agony of a relationship that, despite its fiery start, was doomed from the beginning.

From the beginning, the relationship was marked by a magnetic pull that was impossible to ignore. Sukuna's charisma and intensity drew you in, his presence filling every space with an almost palpable energy. There was a fire in his eyes, a promise of something deeper and more profound, and you were captivated by the allure of his raw power and unfiltered emotions.

At first, it felt like a dream. His touch was electric, his words charged with a potent mix of desire and vulnerability. You would get lost in his gaze, swept away by the intensity of his kisses, believing that this was what true love was supposed to feel like. Every argument, every make-up, every moment of passion felt like a confirmation of the bond you shared.

You couldn’t stand it anymore, how tired you were. How truly full of it you were. how emotionally drained you’ve been. You found yourself face-to-face with Sukuna in the dimly lit living room. He stood close, his gaze intense and his voice almost a whisper, yet filled with an undeniable gravity.

"I'm sorry." Sukuna said, his eyes searching yours for some sign of forgiveness. "I never meant for things to get so out of hand. I just... I can't stand the thought of losing you."

You could feel the weight of his words, the sincerity mixed with a touch of desperation. You took a deep breath, trying to steady your racing heart.

"You say that now, but it feels like we’re always back here, fighting and making up," you replied, your voice trembling slightly. "I thought this was supposed to be different. I thought we were building something real."

Sukuna reached out, his fingers brushing against your cheek with a gentleness that belied his earlier anger. "It is real. What we have is intense, but it’s real. I know I mess up, but I need you to understand that I can’t imagine my life without you. You’re everything to me."

You looked at him, feeling the familiar mix of pain and passion. “I don’t know if I can keep doing this, Sukuna. Every time we fight, it feels like we’re tearing each other apart. Maybe this intensity isn’t what I thought it was.”

He stepped closer, his voice filled with an earnest plea. “Please, don’t say that. We can work through this. I know I’m not perfect, but we have something special. We just need to fight for it, not let it slip away because of a few mistakes.”

You shook your head, tears welling up. “It’s not just a few mistakes. It’s the pattern, the way things keep repeating. I want to believe in us, but it’s getting harder every day. We’re not just having moments of passion anymore; we’re living in a storm.”

Sukuna’s expression softened, and he pulled you into a tight embrace. “I don’t want to be the storm in your life. I just want to be with you. Please, let me show you that we can be more than this.”

As his arms wrapped around you, the warmth of his body was a stark contrast to the cold reality of your situation. You said nothing as you leaned into the warmth of his body. The intensity of his words and the fire in his eyes were a powerful reminder of his hold on you. You forgave him that night once again, as you always did. And once again, you were trapped.

But beneath the surface of this passionate connection lay a darker undercurrent, one that grew stronger with time. Sukuna's emotional volatility was not just a fleeting characteristic; it was a core part of who he was. His moods shifted with little warning, swinging from intense affection to cold detachment. What seemed like an endearing quirk quickly revealed itself as a source of profound instability.

Sukuna's massive hand moved to your hair, his fingers tangling in the strands you had painstakingly did. You were ignoring him again after your recent fight. You just wanted peace of mind from him. And you knew that he hated being ignored. You know he hated being forgotten. You were the only person in his life that dealt with him, all his everything — and to not have you there shatters him. As much, you suppose, when he shatters you by loving you.

His other hand wrapped around your side, pulling you closer against him with a possessive strength. You felt the heat of his body pressing against yours, his touch both demanding and overwhelming. He leaned in, his breath hot against your neck as he started to kiss and nibble along your skin.

The kisses were intense, growing more fervent until he bit down, his teeth breaking through the delicate skin. A cry escaped your lips, a mix of pain and confusion. You could feel Sukuna speaking against your skin, his voice muffled and indistinct, but the words were lost in the haze of sensation and hurt.

The pressure of his hand on the back of your neck was unrelenting, anchoring you to him and heightening the intensity of the moment. It was only when his fingers pressed firmly against the nape of your neck that everything snapped into focus. The sharp reality of the situation cut through the fog, pulling you back to the present.

The biting pain, the tight grip, and the overwhelming closeness were all too much. You could see the raw, unfiltered emotion in his eyes, the storm of feelings that often clouded his judgment. In that moment, you were starkly aware of the power dynamics at play, the fine line between passion and control, and the deep-seated turmoil that defined your relationship.

The kiss, now a blend of pain and longing, was a stark reminder of the complexity of your love—both fierce and destructive. The intimacy of the touch, the raw intensity, and the sharp bite were all part of the same emotional spectrum, where passion and pain were often intertwined in ways that left you feeling vulnerable and conflicted.

You could feel your skin growing moist, a cold sweat breaking out across your entire body as you struggled to maintain your sanity against his relentless touch. Ryomen Sukuna had a way of overwhelming you, of winning you over even when you were trying to resist. His touch always managed to reach places you thought were well-guarded, stirring up sensations that you couldn’t ignore. You could feel your body betraying you, slick pooling between your legs, a stark contrast to the turmoil inside your mind.

With a swift movement, Sukuna pinned you against the wall, his body pressing hard against yours. His kisses grew even more rough and demanding, each press of his lips a reminder of the intensity and chaos that defined your relationship. His hands roamed over your chest, fingers pinching and teasing, heightening the mix of pleasure and pain.

"Sukuna, slow down. It hurts." you cried out, your voice wavering as you tried to make yourself heard over the roar of conflicting emotions. The rawness in your voice was a plea for understanding, a desperate attempt to make him see the damage being done. "Sukuna, we... oh, we won't fix anything with this."

His grip faltered for a moment, but only just. He paused, his breath ragged and heavy against your skin, his eyes dark with a mixture of frustration and desire. There was a flicker of hesitation, a moment where he seemed to question the reality of the situation. But the tension in his body remained, the emotional storm far from over.

Your heart pounded as you struggled to maintain your composure, to hold onto a shred of clarity amidst the haze of his touch. The physical connection was undeniable, but it was the emotional wreckage that left you feeling most exposed. The passion that once felt exhilarating now seemed like a dangerous force that threatened to consume you both.

"Yes, we can." he murmurs, his voice a soft, dominant caress that contrasts sharply with the intensity of the moment. His lips press against your jaw with a sharp, possessive kiss, and you feel your head loll against his, unable to escape the overwhelming sensations.

His words are both a promise and a demand, a statement that attempts to bridge the gap between the pain and the passion you’re experiencing. "Because I love you. And you love me."

The declaration hangs heavily in the air, mingling with the heat of the moment. You mewl softly, a sound of both surrender and confusion. His touch and words are a potent mix, stirring emotions that you’ve been trying to keep in check. 

In your turmoil, you find yourself grappling with the truth of his words. The love you shared is undeniable, and it’s clear he still feels it deeply. Yet, the intensity of him and the roughness of his touch make it hard to reconcile with the pain and frustration that have become a part of your relationship.

"Even if you love me….." you manage to say, your voice trembling. "We can’t fix everything like this. We’re hurting each other, Sukuna.”

He doesn’t pull away, his gaze fixed on yours with an intensity that makes it difficult to look away. The struggle between your emotions and his unyielding desire leaves you feeling torn, caught between the remnants of your past connection and the harsh reality of the present.

Sukuna’s grip remains firm, his dark red eyes not leaving yours. In this moment, the lines between love and pain blur — as it was with your relationship. The declaration of love feels both comforting and confounding, leaving you with the painful realization that while feelings might persist, the way you’re handling them is only adding to the emotional wreckage. You were in love with him as much as he was with you. But what was the point of this? Of this suffering?

But as he pleasured you, you never said anything. You just let him love you painfully, because that’s all he knew. It was a raw, visceral form of connection, a way he expressed what he felt, even if it was damaging. It was all he could give, the only way he knew how to bridge the gap between you.

As you felt him inside of you, there was a deep, painful connection that mingled with the physical sensations. It was a painful reminder of the way your love had always been—intense, consuming, and sometimes overwhelmingly conflicted. The pleasure was intertwined with the hurt, making it difficult to distinguish one from the other. 

You accepted it, allowing the moment to unfold as it did. In your mind, you grappled with the reality of your situation—recognizing that this was how Sukuna knew to express his love, even if it was fraught with pain. And so, in the midst of the storm of sensations, you let yourself be caught up in the complexity of your emotions, trying to find a semblance of understanding amidst the chaos.

Arguments became frequent, fueled by misunderstandings and a growing sense of frustration. The intensity that once seemed thrilling now felt suffocating. Sukuna's need for control and dominance clashed with your desire for independence, creating a constant struggle for power. What was once exhilarating now felt like an endless cycle of conflict and resolution, each cycle leaving deeper emotional scars you didn’t want.

The tension in the air was palpable. You were sitting on the edge of the bed, your hands clenched in frustration, while Sukuna stood across the room, his posture rigid with anger and jealousy. His eyes were fixed on you, his gaze fierce and unrelenting, the result of a recent encounter with one of your friends who had been a bit too touchy for his liking.

"You’re always so quick to run off." Sukuna snapped, his voice sharp and laced with irritation. "Why can’t you just stay and deal with things like an adult? I’ve seen the way you look at others. Do you think I’m blind?"

You turned to face him, your heart pounding with a mix of anger and desperation. "It’s not about anyone else. It’s about us. You’re always so controlling. You want to dictate every part of my life. I need space, Sukuna. I need to be able to breathe."

His eyes flared with frustration as he stepped closer, the intensity of his emotions almost tangible. "Space? That’s what you call it? I saw the way you were with him tonight. It’s like you’re trying to push me away, like you’re looking for excuses to slip through my fingers."

You stood up, feeling the weight of his words pressing down on you. "It’s not about looking for excuses. I’m not trying to push you away. I just need to feel like I can make my own choices without feeling like I’m under constant surveillance. This isn’t about him. It’s about the way you’re smothering me."

Sukuna’s frustration was evident in the way he paced the room, his fists clenched at his sides. "Smothering you? I’m just trying to hold onto what we have. If you’d stop running and actually listen, maybe we could work things out. But every time I turn around, it feels like you’re slipping further away."

"You’re not holding onto what we have, Sukuna." you said, your voice trembling. "You’re suffocating me. Every time we have an argument, you try to control me even more. I need space to figure out what I want without feeling like I’m being watched and judged every second."

Sukuna stopped pacing and looked at you with a mixture of anger and hurt. "I don’t want to control you. I want to be with you, but it feels like you’re constantly pushing me away. I just don’t know how to handle it when I see you getting close to others. It makes me feel like I’m losing you."

The room fell silent, the air thick with unresolved emotions. You could see the pain in his eyes, the fear of losing you. But you also felt the deep, suffocating grip of his jealousy and control. The love that once felt exciting now seemed like a battleground, and the constant cycle of arguments and attempts at resolution were leaving both of you emotionally drained.

"I don’t want us to keep going in circles like this, Sukuna." you said softly, your heart aching. "We need to find a way to be together without this constant struggle. Otherwise, we’re just going to keep hurting each other."

Sukuna’s gaze softened slightly, but the tension remained. "I don’t know how to change things if you won’t let me in, you know that." he said, his voice a mix of vulnerability and frustration. "I just want us to be okay, but it feels like we’re constantly fighting against each other."

You took a deep breath, trying to remain calm despite the sting of his accusation. "That wasn’t flirting. I was just being polite. And even if I was, what does it matter? You can’t keep trying to control me like this. We can’t keep doing this.”

He stepped closer, his anger palpable. "You think you’re so perfect, don’t you? Always so independent, always so self-righteous. I’m the one who’s always fighting to keep us together. And this is how you repay me? By pushing me away and seeking attention from others?"

His words cut deep, each one a painful reminder of the control he exerted over your life. "This isn’t about repaying you. It’s about being true to myself. I’m tired of feeling like I have to constantly prove my loyalty to you. I’m not your possession."

Sukuna’s face contorted with frustration, and he slammed his fist against the wall. "You think this is easy for me? Watching you slip away while I’m left here fighting to keep us from falling apart? I’m trying to hold onto something real, and you’re pushing me away."

The hurt in his voice was undeniable, a mix of jealousy and desperation. But you could see the cracks in his control, the way his need for dominance had become a cage that both of you were trapped in.

"I’m not trying to push you away." you said, your voice trembling. "I’m trying to find a way to be myself without feeling like I’m suffocating under your expectations. We’re stuck in this cycle of fighting and making up, and it’s tearing us apart."

Sukuna’s expression softened for a moment, the anger giving way to a look of vulnerability. "I just don’t want to lose you. I know I’m not perfect, but I need you to understand how much you mean to me."

You sighed, feeling the weight of his words. "I know you care, but the way you show it is suffocating. We need to find a way to be together without this constant power struggle. Otherwise, we’re just going to keep hurting each other."

The room fell silent, the intensity of the argument leaving both of you exhausted. The love that once felt like a thrilling adventure now seemed like a battlefield, with each conflict leaving deeper scars. The vibrant energy that had once sparked between you was now overshadowed by an unrelenting cycle of discord and unresolved tension.

You wrapped your arms around your chest, as though trying to hug and comfort yourself amid the emotional wreckage. Your shoulders shook slightly with the effort to maintain composure, but even more tears were inevitable.

Sukuna’s posture was a reflection of his internal struggle, his anger giving way to a raw vulnerability. He took a hesitant step towards you, his voice trembling. “What do you want me to do?” he whispered, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. “What can I do, to…to make you stay?”

The softness in his voice, the genuine plea for understanding, struck a deep chord. You could see the pain and desperation etched into his features, the realization of how precariously close he was to losing you. Yet, amidst the raw emotion, you felt overwhelmed and trapped.

“I don’t know,” you replied, your voice breaking as the tears began to fall freely. “I’m tired, Sukuna. I’m tired… of loving you and losing you all at once.”

His shoulders sagged as he absorbed your words, the weight of your exhaustion evident in his expression. The tears that prickled at his eyes now spilled over, reflecting the depth of his own despair. His gaze fell to the floor, unable to meet yours, the crushing reality of your relationship settling heavily between you.

The room was filled with a profound silence, broken only by the soft sounds of your sobs and his choked breaths. The love you shared, which had once been a source of exhilaration and passion, now felt like a relentless cycle of joy and pain that neither of you could escape.

Sukuna’s voice was barely audible as he spoke again, his tone carrying a sense of helplessness. “I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know how to make things right when everything feels so broken.”

You wiped at your tears, the exhaustion of the emotional turmoil leaving you feeling drained. “Neither do I.” you admitted softly. “I wish I had the answers. I wish I could find a way to make things work, but right now, it feels like we’re stuck in a never-ending loop of hurt and confusion.”

Sukuna’s silence was heavy with resignation, a poignant acknowledgment of the struggle that had become an inescapable part of your relationship. The love that had once been a source of strength and excitement now seemed overshadowed by a painful reality that neither of you knew how to navigate.

In that quiet moment, both of you were left grappling with the depth of your feelings, the complexity of your relationship, and the painful truth that sometimes love alone isn’t enough to overcome the barriers that keep you apart.

Sukuna's tears continued to fall, and he moved closer, his steps hesitant but deliberate. He reached out tentatively, his fingers brushing against your arm in a gesture that was both gentle and desperate.

“I never meant to make things so difficult,” he said, his voice rough with emotion. “I thought... I thought if I held on tight, if I tried harder, we could work through it. But now, I see how much I’ve pushed you away.”

You looked at him, your own tears blurring your vision. The sight of him, vulnerable and torn, added to the weight of your own sorrow. You wanted to reach out, to offer comfort, but the chasm between you felt insurmountable.

“I know you were trying,” you said, your voice cracking. “But the way you tried to control things... it pushed me away more than anything else. I felt like I was losing myself in trying to make things work.”

Sukuna’s hand tightened around your arm, his grip firm but not painful. “What do you need from me?” he asked, his voice desperate. “Tell me what I can do to make things right, to fix this.”

You shook your head, struggling to find the words to express the depth of your exhaustion and the confusion that clouded your mind. “I don’t know if there’s anything that can fix this right now. I just feel... lost.”

His expression softened, the realization dawning that perhaps the damage was too great to repair immediately. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice breaking. “I’m sorry for everything. I never wanted to hurt you. I just didn’t know how to handle my own fears and insecurities.”

You nodded, the sadness overwhelming. “I know. And I’m sorry too. I’m sorry that we couldn’t find a way to make this work without hurting each other so much.”

The silence between you was heavy, filled with the echoes of what had been and what might never be again. The love that had once felt so alive now seemed like a distant memory, overshadowed by the pain and the sense of inevitability.

Sukuna’s hand slowly fell away from your arm, and he took a step back, his shoulders slumped in defeat. “Maybe... maybe we both need some time apart to figure things out. To heal and find ourselves again.”

You looked at him, a mix of relief and sorrow washing over you. “Maybe you’re right. I need time to understand what I really want and to heal from all of this.”

Sukuna nodded, his face a mask of resignation and understanding. “I hope... I hope we can both find a way to be okay, even if it means being apart.”

With that, Sukuna turned and walked towards the door, each step heavy with the weight of what was ending. As he left, the silence of the room seemed to deepen. You sat down on the edge of the bed once more, your emotions a tangled mess of sadness and relief. The path ahead was uncertain, but in the quiet that followed, you felt more alone than ever before. But free. Freed from your own ruin.

▬ι══════════════ι▬

YOU COULDN’T DO IT ANYMORE IN THE END. In the end, you did break up with him. The cycle of arguments and reconciliation had become a never-ending loop, a house of cards that seemed destined to collapse no matter how carefully it was built. You loved him deeply, that was undeniable. But you also realized that rekindling the relationship would only lead to more pain, more hurt that neither of you could bear.

As you stood by the window, the first light of dawn was beginning to creep across the sky, painting the world in soft hues of pink and gold. The sight was starkly beautiful, a contrast to the turmoil that had been raging inside you. This was what life should be like, you think. You shouldn’t settle for less. You shouldn’t settle for hurt.

Outside, you could see him—still there, lingering near your door, his figure slumped against the wall. He had a cigarette against the burrow of his lips, smoke filling his face. The remnants of a wild night clung to him; he was drunk and high, his posture wavering as he waited for you. The sight of him, lost and desperate, broke your heart in a way that felt both familiar and foreign.

You took a deep breath, feeling the weight of your decision settle heavily upon you. You knew that as much as you loved him, returning to him now would only mean opening the door to a love that had become toxic, a love that had already left you shattered too many times.

“I can’t go through this again.” you whispered to yourself, your voice barely audible. The realization was painful, but clear. The cycle of breaking up and making up had drained you emotionally, leaving you with scars that were too deep to ignore. “Not again.”

As the sun continued to rise, its light growing stronger, you turned away from the window, feeling a sense of finality. The decision to end things was not made lightly, and the pain of walking away was immense. But you knew it was necessary for your own well-being, for the chance to heal and find a path forward that wasn’t mired in the constant heartbreak that your relationship had become.

You took a deep breath, gathering your thoughts as you reached for your phone. With a heavy heart, you composed a message, knowing it was the last thing you needed to say to him. Your fingers hovered over the screen, the weight of your decision pressing down on you as you typed:

"Sukuna, this is the last time I’m reaching out. I can see you waiting outside, and I need you to understand that this is over. I love you, but we’ve reached a point where continuing this relationship will only lead to more hurt. The cycle of breaking up and making up has left us both wounded, and I can’t keep going through it. I need to move on and find healing for myself. Please respect my decision and let this be the end. I wish you well, but I can’t be with you anymore. Goodbye."

You stared at the message for a moment, feeling a mix of sadness and relief. With a final press of the send button, you put your phone down and took a deep breath. It was done. The words were out there, and now it was time to let go and start the process of healing. You took a deep sigh and pursed your lips into a flat line.

As the first rays of sunlight began to illuminate the room, you felt a glimmer of hope amidst the sadness. The end of this chapter was painful, but it was also a step towards a future where you could rebuild, where you could heal. It was a chance to find peace and to rediscover yourself, away from the shadows of a love that had become more damaging than fulfilling.

With a final, lingering glance at the window, you steeled yourself for the difficult road ahead. The love you had for  Ryomen Sukuna was real, but the decision to move forward was the right one. As the sun rose higher in the sky, you began to prepare for a new day, one that would be marked by both the pain of goodbye and the promise of new beginnings. You hope the best for him, as much as you hoped the best for you. 

[trappolia]

FINGERS TWISTED BEHIND MY BACK (DON'T LET IT BE YOU I LACK) ── aventurine x gn!reader, 862

aventurine hates fighting with you.

he does not even remember it—not clearly, at least. through the memories mudded by the buzz of soulglad and whatever alcoholic beverages he'd guzzled down the night before, the exact expression of your face when he stumbled back into your hotel room is a blur (a pretty blur, he is quite sure, though no doubt a disappointed one) and the sentences you'd spat out at him were jumbled into words that grate in his eardrums when he tries to recall what exactly was said. aventurine tries to echo it to himself, but even the incoherence sounds bitter on his tongue, and all that comes out an indistinct, asthmatic gasp that he's quite sure is some sort of equivalent of his heart aching. or breaking. somewhere in between, perhaps.

he rolls over in your bed, damp from the shower and tears. aventurine is thankful veritas hasn't stormed in to nag at him; he would not be able to stomach being seen like this by anyone else but you: his sweet safe haven, his little eden. you've gone now, stormed off somewhere to cool off. aventurine leaves you be (even if he spent the first two hours alone relentlessly spamming your phone with messages, pleas to come back and return) but he is still alone.

the thought occurred to him somewhere between hour three and hour five, that you'd never come back. aventurine doesn't let it linger. his stomach roils, mouth tasting of bitter alcohol and sweet dreams where you are still there and he'd never upset you.

the hours he spends there without you are hellish, a parody of a bleak, grief-stricken painting of some woman whose husband has gone out to fight in an intergalactic war—draped over the bed, numb and miserable to everything but the thought of you he has to conjure every now and then to keep himself sane. the air is cold and never seems to adjust, even though the reverie's rooms are specifically designed to tailor to the guest's tastes. they clearly did not consider the factor that is a hopeless, lovesick man suffering from withdrawal.

the door creaks open.

aventurine darts up in his your bed, instantly whipping myself up into such a nervous, edgy frenzy that he almost forgets how to breathe. his lungs shudder, the cogs in his brain turning the wrong way, and nothing is working fast enough, right enough as he stumbles to his feet, nearly tripping over the carpet as he finds you toeing off your shoes at the door, so pretty it hurts.

"welcome home," aventurine manages to choke out, still tripped-out and dizzy, heart pounding loud in his fingertips and ears. he watches you glance up at him, your eyes meeting his own for the first time in hours that feel like centuries, and the burden on his lungs alleviates—just a little bit.

"…aventurine," you sigh in this throaty, broken voice that cuts right at his chest. he winces as if he's been struck, eyes flitting to the dizzying pattern of the carpet in effort to hide the glossiness of his irises.

he hears your feet padding across the room to him, the footfalls soft and slow and not at all violent, though he cannot help but fear. there can always be a finality to the softest, gentlest of mercies. not that aventurine has ever experienced it before, but he knows it is possible with you: you who holds his heart in your hands, and you may very well tear it apart if you so wished.

aventurine will let you, if that is what you want.

but instead he swallows, too loudly; finds his fingers instinctively twisting behind his back. "are you going?"

"i just arrived," you whisper, endlessly gentle, endlessly soft—forgiving.

"i know," his voice breaks, and you reach out to touch him—palm against cheek, thumb brushing over the slope of his cheekbone. something cold and damp trails over the flesh of his face, fair marble streaked with a single rivulet of a tear. he does not tell you why he wants to cry. you know anyway.

aventurine thinks pretending would be easier with you, but here in this room, at the end of the day when everyone else has escaped into their own dreamscape, he is tired of saccharine sweet lies, the twisting webs that he pulls around without even understanding the final result it will conjure. it is easier, he thinks, to let you keep his heart and do with it as you wish—and aventurine can only hope that you will be merciful.

are you going? the second set of three words, that single question that he truly wants to ask is caught in his throat, because you may hold aventurine's heart in your palms, but if you will not use your own bloody fingers to pry it open, he must do it for you—and he can't. not for this, at least.

but you know anyway. of course you do.

will you stay?

"i'm right here," you murmur, sweet and godly against his lips, swallowing the sob that he almost lets out. "i'm staying right here."

© trappolia 2024

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

adding your tags bc they make me crazy !!!!!!

im normal and can be trusted to think about dakota & alaska damascus btw