#jules.txt✨

[ghostboyjules]

y'all help, what should my new d&d character be

I have until Friday evening (<- procrastinates making dnd characters until the literal last moment oops)

edit: no one told me I couldn't see the results unless I voted myself 🤦‍♂️ BUT I CAN'T CHOOSE.. THAT'S THE POINT... damn.

[caramelcalum]

holy shit y'all i see 5sos tomorrow 🥺😭

[ghostboyjules]

keepin it fully 100 if I'm not touched in a way that makes me feel loved soon I may very well Lose It™

[ghostboyjules]

christ. it's always such an Ordeal™ being on the phone with my mother.

[ghostboyjules]

so... I was doing some lookin' around for a playlist title... for a specific dreamling playlist Alex (@wizardofgoodfortune) implanted into my brain.. and it led to me reading Emily Dickinson's Letter 35 to Jane Humphrey.

um.. the longing contained in this one letter... I am shaking in my boots. here's a.. few of my fave bits;

"-could I speak with a right of Heaven, and the Savior, and "rest for the weary" I know I could bring strength to you, and could lift you above this cumbering; but I can tell you how dearly I love you, if this will make you happier."

"I have been much with you since you first wrote me, always with you, but more since then, for the last few days you have been very near, very dear indeed, and I have wished, and prayed to see you, and to hear you, and to feel your warm heart beating near me, what music in such quiet ticking!"

Emily hello... what.. damn.

"-where is your spirit resting, have you any dear friend to be near you, and to tell you of peace? It would be very precious to me to do so, to be a strong arm you might lean on when you looked all around, and could find none, this is none of it permitted now, and I think, and strive, and attempt, but come no nearer the end."

there are literally so many bits of this letter that is just SATURATED... with yearning. and like I know this was 1850, but goddamn....

"I have dreamed of you, and talked of you, and wished for you, and have almost thought I should see you, it has seemed that some way would help me, and a providence would bring you, and yet you have not come, and I am so very tired of waiting."

this... goooddddd hob coded tbh ajdjajfj lastly, this one is more just a line that struck me rather than pure yearning, but like.

"-I am standing alone in rebellion, and growing very careless."

the fact that this is about Christianity and how she's not doing what literally everyone around her is doing and joining the church... what a line.. okay I'm gonna go try to come up with some kind of title again, just wanted to put these out here

[ghostboyjules]

.... dreamling fic based on hozier's dinner & diatribes.... 🫠 (not necessarily a song fic but. you know what I mean.)

[caramelcalum]

x

[ghostboyjules]

okay.. I don't know the ratio of overlap that sandman enjoyers and orville peck fans have, but... I have brain worms so imma put em out here and see if I catch anything 💀

Curse of the Blackened Eye and C'mon Baby Cry are Hob Songs™ to me and I will clutch them in my hands until my dying breath...

the chorus and verse 2 of C'mon Baby Cry..... I gotta lay down... Blackened Eye is more specifically verse 2 for Hob in my mind but like. Idk just the vibe. anyway, the worms have been released.. for now.. byyee ✨

[ghostboyjules]

tagged by the ever iconic @hxh, thank you bestie :3c

rules: tag people you would like to know/catch up with

Last song 🎵 : Nothing Else Matters (Metallica Cover) by Phoebe Bridgers (I, of course, love the original as well but this is just gorgeous)

Last movie 🎬 : Everything Everywhere All at Once (if you have mother issues™, do not watch this until you are mentally and emotionally prepared. I'm fucked up. and will be so until the foreseeable future.) [thanks @wantnothing and @halflove 🙄]

Last book 📖 : hmmm.. I'm of the opinion that manga definitely counts, so like. technically Vol 14 of jjk, if we're talking physical. or like, the neat lil booklet that comes with my tarot deck 😅

okiieee I'm gonna tag @wantnothing and @halflove, if they wanna do it. since they have helped emotionally damage me 💀

I'll also tag @watermelon-mafia, @caprisun-overlord, @rabooots, @croakings, @queen-alluka, and @queen-eevee (woah that's two royalty in my mutual circle, love to see it ajfjsjfn)

y'all have a good day, and ily 💙😘

[ghostboyjules]

hehehe @leave-me-alone-doctor tagged me in a thing HI ASH ILY 🥰🖤🖤🖤💙💙💙💖💖💖

I'm supposed to post 5 (five) songs I actually listen to, so I'm gonna post 5 that I can't stop thinking abt recently.

1. Spiritbox - Rotoscope (Hysteria is an honorable mention because tbh that whole ep drop is everything. as per usual with Spiritbox tho, they ain't EVER MISSED)

2. IVE - ELEVEN. (this song slaps so much ass)

3. Darkher - Moths (this song is haunting and gorgeous and so atmospheric... hhhh fall vibes)

4. Rico Nasty - Gotsta Get Paid (RRIIIICCOOOOOOO her new album is so good, but this one specifically has been stuck in my head since I HEARD IT. the vibes.. impeccable.)

5. James and the Shame - Believe Me (yes this is rhett from good mythical morning. he's doing a side project about his religious deconstruction and shit and also coming from a southern baptist upbringing THIS HITS FUCKIN HARD. teehee religious trauma 🤪 right after the vibey Rico song.. that just how it be.)

Okay y'all if anyone listens to these, be prepared for the drastic genre changes between them all, but that's just how my brain has been playing me recently ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ this is gettin a lil wordy so imma tag my babes now

@watermelon-mafia @halflove @wantnothing @hxh (we had that dgd overlap, I simply must know what u listenin to rn 👀) @mothmanns @caprisun-overlord @queen-alluka

oh shoot Pan, I think Ashes already tagged you too but oh well, just post 5 more if you wanna ig, I'd love to see em

y'all know I'm absolutely weird abt music so if you post any I'll most likely be on em like a starvin animal, so have at ye!! if you wanna 💖 love y'all 😘

[ghostboyjules]

who's dang idea was it to put menthol in nasal spray... it's sounds like a good idea at first. and then once you use it, it feels like you just snorted a pack of 5 gum.

[ghostboyjules]

a new thing I've been doing mentally, and deciding to label it as "learning to tolerate myself even a little bit" has been allowing myself to post dumb shit and just. leave it up.

like I'll post something, whether on snapchat as a private story, or in the tags here, or a reblog, and a bit later I'll look at it and be like "god this is so embarrassing delete it delete it delete it". and in the past I absolutely would have. hell, in the past I would have drafted it, read it until I hated it (& myself just a bit more), and then deleted it. wouldn't ever see the light of day.

now though? here recently, I've been posting things that are personal. things I like, or how my mental health is doing, or what I'm thinking generally. I post it. like I make it that far - there's a step. and I let it be. there's another step. everytime I happen to glance back at it on snapchat or I see someone in the notes reblogging the post I spilled my guts in the tags to, and my brain starts screaming and lighting things on fire and breaking shit trying to get me to delete it-

I've started telling myself "no. leave it up. let them see. let you see. you felt this. you're 24, this isn't even embarrassing. you are existing in a space you created for yourself. not making a fool of yourself by 'being cringe' or whatever the fuck has been ingrained in your brain. it's fine to exist."

and I could go into why or how i came to be this way (the stuffing myself down into easily manageable, quiet, unopinionated shapes of a person pretending to be a girl) , but I feel like, to some, it's obvious. to a few others, you probably know exactly what I mean and can probably guess.

but I just wanted to share this cause I'm kinda proud of myself? for what feels like maybe the first time (lol), and to just say to anyone who sees this: It's Fine to exist. Maybe even Nice sometimes, but it's definitely fine. take up space, be loud, even. I'm 24 and I wanna talk abt my favorite show, and I wanna rant abt my job, and I want to post emo song lyrics for my 5 close friends to look at and know I'm being sad about, like the drama queen inner me wants to be. and that's fine.

I'm existing, and that's fine.

[ghostboyjules]

y'all know there was a tag limit

i sure didn't... but i hit it 💀

[ghostboyjules]

feeling... so many things rn.. and like. none of them good?? interesting.

[ghostboyjules]

very much feeling like someone's great great great great great grandparent's old faithful clothin' iron that is now sitting in an antique shop somewhere being used as a door stop

[ghostboyjules]

y'all. anyone seeing this. I have had. a roller coaster of a night. but in the way that the final stop was like. the lowest depths of hell, and all of the loops/bumps/waves were just oscillating into the different levels of hell. im currently trying to cope using humor and burrowing myself into my bed like one of those lil sand snakes who wiggle into the sand to hide.

i would like to walk directly under a coconut tree. so that, then, multiple coconuts could fall and knock me out - for the funny ha ha's but also i will get to be unconscious.