#juhyuk....... come back.............

[thong-in-the-twist]

Downtown Throw VII

In basketball throw from downtown is a throw well outside three-point line. Nam Juhyuk x you

Part I II III IV V VI VII

As my life goes to shit, I find myself writing again.

---

The smell of the sea is fresh, inviting, as you cross the road. You can hear the waves crashing into the land and you know that the sea is hidden just below the cliff you are standing on. It might be considered weird for you (a person living on the island their whole life) to be excited about the sea but you are. You don’t get to see it everyday, so you run the last few steps and grab the wooden handrail at the edge of the cliff.

There it is - the greish sea and stone beach and dark volcanic rock cliffs with a little bit of greenery snuggled in the crevasses. Salty wind hits you in the face, tugging at your clothes and you exhale contentedly. Just behind you there is a city with roads and buses and apartments, and there you are faced with nature. And it brings you peace.

Together you go to see waterfalls. They are famous enough that you’ve seen them a few years back, but it doesn’t matter. You stand on the boulder looking at the falling water allowing the little droplets of water to refresh you, as Juhyuk reads you the wikipedia entry about this place. And you are ok with that and you are ok with being this much taller than him. Especially since that doesn’t really happen considering how tall Juhyuk is. 

It’s still early enough both in the day and in the year that there aren’t many people around. One older couple came and went, and one older gentleman is basking in the sun on the bench near the stairs leading back up the cliff. Juhyuk was sitting on the rock that you are standing on, with your backpacks thrown near it. As he finished reading he stood up and glanced at you, just to take a few steps back.

You are not surprised when he asks you to pose.

You laugh, and you do. You feel free and comfortable, and you know for sure that you are letting yourself forget about things that might have stopped you otherwise. You don’t want to worry and you don’t want to be wary. You just want to have fun.

Juhyuk stops taking photos to look at them and he seems satisfied. With a bright smile he comes to you to show you one of them and while you have to bend down to see it better, you are fairly sure it’s going to be your new profile picture. Because you look really good with bright eyes and rosy completion and wind billowing out your clothes. The beauty is in the eye of a beholder and it’s both weird and warmth inducing to be able to see yourself through Juhyuk’s eyes.

Which makes you bold and giddy with mischievousness. You know he likes you. And you feel like it gives you the right to do what you are about to do.

“Juhyuk, come here,” you say, as you put your hands on his shoulders. “I need help getting down,” you explain to his questioning face. It takes a little urging but you manage to get him where you want him. To say that Juhyuk is wary is an understatement, his whole body goes rigid as you maneuver him, but he moves nonetheless. You say you need help getting down but you make him turn his back to you, while you still hold his shoulders. Nice, broad shoulders. 

He starts to say something, probably complain, but you just laugh and tell him to prepare himself as you jump on his back. Surprised “oof” escapes him as he stumbles forward. There is a second of panic in your heart as Juhyuk struggles to regain his balance. You are ready to let him go, but as soon as you can feel him getting steady, your arms move from his shoulders to his neck to secure yourself.

Juhyuk does not complain.

Juhyuk does not ask.

He just grabs your thighs to make you sit up a little bit higher, and you use your elbows on his shoulders to do just that. He doesn’t really hold you up, he doesn’t have to, you can hold yourself up just fine with your arms and thighs. You laugh.

You can’t pinpoint the reason you are laughing. The laughter seems to be bubbling up inside you, so easily spilling out.

“Hm…” you muse and you can both see and feel the shiver of Juhyuk’s body. Little hairs on his neck are rising. “So that’s the view you have.”

His body shakes a little bit stronger as he allows himself a laugh. He smells a lot of nice cologne but you can also smell a citrus shampoo on his hair. He doesn’t try to shake you off or look at you.

There is also a fact that he is not straining with you on his back.

“Well, if you had just asked, I could have shown you the view much earlier,” he says and not leaving you any room to respond, he adds: “are you ready for the next stop of our trip?”

“Yes!” Your exclamation might be a touch too enthusiastic. But you are not enthusiastic because you are about to go somewhere else - you are enthusiastic because it seems like Juhyuk is going to continue, not making a huge deal of you on his back. And you have no idea why but it makes you rather thrilled.

He takes a few tentative steps and you tighten your thighs on his waist. As he realizes that you do not obstruct his movements he bends down to grab your backpacks. Once more, you can’t help but laugh, light-headed with child-like excitement. 

You can feel the effort Juhyuk puts in to be nonchalant about this whole thing. In the back of your head you know that he is not acknowledging your antics to ensure that you’ll continue it. He is wary because he doesn’t know if his doing something would be crossing a line. You know it, you feel it, and you ignore it all the same, because you are having fun. It’s not everyday you can get a piggyback.

“Show me the photos,” you say and Juhyuk raises his hand holding his smartphone. He starts walking and you look on as he unlocks his phone, idly allowing yourself to stare as he draws his password pattern. As soon as he enters the gallery you surge forward and grab the phone. You hold it with your one hand while the other drops down to his chest to give you better leverage. Juhyuk tentatively grabs your legs. 

You swing your legs once or twice as you look together through the photos he took. You have to give it to him, he took really nice photos of you. 

You stop him when he reaches the stairs going into camera mode. Your arm is too short for a nice selfie but Juhyuk comes to the rescue, grabbing his phone and angling it to get you both and the beach and the sea behind you. You sit up once more, one hand on his chest, the other in a victory sign near your face. You look into the camera.

Juhyuk looks flushed but it’s not with the exertion. His eyes are shining, his smile is broad and there is a blush creeping up his neck. Nonetheless he looks really good, both handsome and boish. Your smile is just as big and your eyes are just as shiny. 

As soon as he takes the picture, you jump down his back, grabbing your backpack out of his hand as soon as you are steady on the ground.

“Where to now?” You ask, noticing, but ignoring, a slight disappointment in his eyes.

The next stop is a little island just off the coast. It’s connected with your island by a glass pedestrian bridge and both the island and the bridge are quite picturesque. You know that during summer months this area is filled with people. It’s a really nice walk and Juhyuk takes a ton of photos of you.

The island itself has no beaches, being more of a high rock with a little bit of greenery on top. It’s not an even terrain with the trail leading up and down around it. 

You notice how Juhyuk seems to position himself near you, but lower whenever you stop for a photo or to admire something. He shows you his back a lot, backpack conveniently only on one shoulder. Which, while tempting (and endearing), is also not something you were expecting. And you do not take the offered chance. You had your piggyback ride and it was enough.

By the time you are back on the glass bridge you are getting hungry. Juhyuk has been quiet for a while and you suspect that he is sulking a little bit. That’s the first time you realize that you don’t want him to sulk. The image of both of you smiling on the beach flashes in your mind as you allow him to go first, putting distance between both of you. 

You focus on his back. It’s an early spring so both of you are wearing jackets. He has his backpack on one shoulder, and you idly pull the strings of yours to secure it. You exhale slowly as you prepare yourself. 

And you run. 

One more time there is laughter bubbling up inside of you, as sea wind is tugging at your clothes as you run. You’ve nearly caught up to him, when he starts to turn around, your steps catching his attention.

“No!” You manage to whizz out, and he stops for just enough time for you to reach him. Once again you grab his shoulders and you use them to help you up as you jump in the air. This time it’s harder because you need to reach his back, but at the same time, as soon as Juhyuk realizes what you are doing, he bends his knees, arms coming to secure your legs, even as his backpack falls from his shoulder from the impact, hitting your sides. A little bit of shuffling and both of you are content in the position. “And go!”

He laughs and starts walking. 

It’s so stupid and yet you feel so pampered. You also have no problems with the fact that he was practically asking for this. Silently, stubbornly. In a very Juhyuk-like manner. This time he is way more relaxed, talking to you about some new thing from the world of technology. You listen curiously, while swinging your legs and basking in the midday, early spring, sun.

You eat at a pizza place and you don’t stop teasing him about his core workout. He dismisses you, diminishing your weight and the scale of burden you might have been. It’s nice and easy.

Would it be as easy and nice at the movies with Taejun? With Sonjae? Would you feel as giddy and as drunk with sea and salt? This thought comes once, as you laugh at something stupid Juhyuk said. It comes to the surface, surprisingly accusative and you push it back down. Not the time, not the place.

You split the check even though Juhyuk insists on paying. He spends the next 5 minutes pouting but as soon as he realizes that you are not going to acknowledge it, he drops the ruse, allowing himself to laugh with you. And that’s the way you want him to be.

On the ride back you are both way more energetic than you were while going there. You spend the whole time arguing about webtoons (mostly whether Lookism or Weak Hero is better - but you are sure you’ll never reach an agreement on that). 

All-in-all this whole date feels a lot like a good hangout session with friends. 

It’s back at the bus stop that reality hits you. As soon as you see a familiar neighborhood, you are once again a girl that went out on a date with her best friend’s younger brother. And you don’t like the way it sounds, and who it makes you to be.

“Well, that was nice,” you say awkwardly and Juhyuk smiles at you. It’s not as broad as it was on the other end of the island, but it is still warm. Small, but warm. He also seems to feel awkwardness, now that you are back. You idly play with your backpack’s strap. “Well, see you around?”

“Yeah,” he says. “See you tomorrow.”

You wave awkwardly to each other and split, both of you going your own way. You know it would be easy for him to walk part of the way with you, but he doesn’t even try, and you don’t know whether you should be relieved or annoyed about that.

Later in the evening, your phone chimes while you are watching a thriller with your father. Jaehyun is nowhere to be seen and you are not even sure if he’s home. Your mother went to sleep early, which means you get to spend some quality time with your dad.

You check your phone as your father complains about a main character who misses an obvious hint. It keeps vibrating in your hand as messages keep coming. You are surprised for a second until you realize it’s Juhyuk who sends you photos from the trip.

You scroll through them, once again filled with giddiness. The trip was nice and the photos are nice, and you look nice in them. And you are not surprised in the slightest when you realize you’d like to do it again.

*

You start your week in an awfully good mood. What’s more surprising is the fact that Jaehyun seems to be as content with life as you are. There are no early morning fights or bickering - he helps you clean the table, even though it’s your time to do it. And you can’t even find it in yourself to be suspicious of him.

You catch your parents exchanging surprised glances but no one comments. Which is nice, you are sure that any comment could end this weird truce you are having with your brother. It wasn’t agreed upon but you want it to hold its power for as long as it can. 

With this newly found communal spirit there is no need to rush out the doors and you can leisurely walk to the bus stop. You are out early enough that Juhyuk is only clearing the corner of the street leading from his house when you see him.

Something warm drops in your stomach. The feeling dissipates as soon as it comes, but there is no denying that you felt warmth when you saw Juhyuk. He doesn’t look amazingly handsome or something, he doesn’t take your breath away. It’s just… You had so much fun yesterday. And you already know that you’ll remember it fondly - especially the part when you got piggyback rides from him.

At the same time you know, you don’t really want to talk about it.

Your truce with Jaehyun is broken as soon as he sees Juhyuk. He nearly sprints to him, throwing his arm on Juhyuk’s shoulders in a greeting.

“Dude, I have so much to tell you!” Jaehyun exclaims, and looks back at you. “Go on, it doesn’t concern you.”

You roll your eyes, because seriously? And you just get on your way. You could remind him that all three of you are walking in the same direction. Or joke that Juhyuk would prefer to walk with you. Or even tease him about Bora, because you suspect that to be the subject Jaehyun wants to talk about. 

And you do nothing of sorts, still content with your own good mood.

“Do you think Jaehyun would lose his way if Juhyuk didn’t come to fetch him every morning?” Asks Yangju in lieu of greeting when you arrive at the bus stop. You can’t help but laugh and look around. They are not far behind you and judging from Juhyuk’s red ears and Jaehyun’s scowl they were close enough to hear her as well.

After that you ignore them both altogether, even though you are pushed against Juhyuk side the whole ride to school. You are entirely focused on your conversation with Yangju.

Entirely.

*

Last night you promised yourself you wouldn’t tell a soul about your excursion with Juhyuk. Why would you? Why would anyone need to hear it?

But as soon as you enter your classroom and see Taejun in his seat, you realize that you’ve never replied to him. Nor did you reply to Sonjae. And it sends you into a panic mode because you have no idea how they are going to react and what you can say to them.

You quietly hope that both are going to be too embarrassed to mention anything.

The moment the first period  ends you remember Taejun is not someone to be embarrassed. 

“Every second you leave me without an answer my heart is breaking into a million pieces,” melodramatically cries Taejun dropping to his knees in front of your desk, elbows on the desk. Instantly embarrassment overtakes you. “Oh why, oh why would you leave me hanging? What can I do for you to accept my heart?”

“Stop it,” you say, mortified. You can see in his eyes that he is joking but there is a little bit of maliciousness in his actions. “It’s not funny.”

He pushes himself up and turns an empty chair in front of you so he can sit on it. Suddenly, the maliciousness is gone. You see that because you held his gaze steady as you spoke to him.

“Sorry,” he says sheepishly and ruffles his hair. “I didn’t want to embarrass you, it just… Well. I was being a dickhead.”

“Nothing new,” muses Yangju, lazily turning a page in her book. You snap your head up - everyone is looking at you. You can feel how hot your face is and you don’t want to know how red you are. 

“Oh my god,” that’s the only thing that you can choke out as you hide your face in your hands. Behind your eyelids you can still see Bora’s grin. You don’t want to face her and you can only imagine how everyone is going to tease you. “Go away Taejun,” your voice is weak and barely audible.

He starts to protest but stops abruptly. It takes a moment of silence but you finally hear him stand up and leave. You are 100% sure Yangju made him go away and you are so thankful for her. Giggling sound reaches and you let your head fall to your desk with a dull thud. You stay like that until the start of the next period, but even then you can feel your face burning.

*

By the end of the day the story of Taejun’s heartfelt confession is widely known. It doesn’t matter that Taejun didn’t intend it to be taken as a confession. You realize he wanted to chastise you for your lack of response. But you are the one to know that, because you know him. It’s not obvious to the outside viewer. And given the fact that the story of you and him getting 7 minutes in heaven at Jeho’s party resurfaced, other students were sure of their understanding of what transpired.

Which made you miserable.

Taejun’s being sorry and his explanations to your classmates was not enough. Not when Sonjae all but ignored you when you met in the corridor. Not when you heard sophomores gossiping about you in the toilet. Had it not been Taejun. Had it been another student, one that wasn’t a part of the beloved basketball team it wouldn’t have been such a hot gossip. 

That’s why, when Jaemin asks you if you are going to BomBom with the rest of them to study, you excuse yourself and run away as fast as possible. You want to bury yourself under your duvet and never come out again. 

You do just that when you arrive at home. It took you longer than usual because you decided to walk all the way home. A little exercise could only help and you didn’t want to risk overhearing any more gossip on the bus. Knowing that you are alone in the apartment you allowed yourself to scream in frustration muffling the sounds with your pillow. 

It’s all so stupid. And annoying. And juvenile. And why did it have to be you?

You spend two hours just trashing about on your bed, screaming and bemoaning your fate. It takes this long for you to dispose of your restless energy and by the end of the ordeal you are just numb.

And because you are a high school senior who cares about your future, you force yourself to study. It goes surprisingly well and you are surprised that it’s dark outside the next time you lose your focus. Someone is knocking on your doors.

“Have you seen Jaehyun?” It’s your mom.

“No, but I haven’t left my room since I arrived. Why?” 

“Practice is long over and he didn’t check in that he is going to be late,” she says dryly. You shrug before she can even ask if you know something. You open your mouth to say something smart-assy. “Yeah, yeah, you are not his nanny. Have I ever forced you to be?”

She turns around on her heel and walks out, leaving your door open and complaining about you, Jaehyun and the world. You need a moment to compose yourself because your annoyance is through the roof. You are in your room, studying, being a good daughter and student, you didn’t say anything and she left your doors open.

You stand up and go to close your doors.

“Oh, right, we are out of jam - can you go to 7-eleven and grab something for breakfast?” It takes all your willpower not to scowl as your mother searches for her wallet. 

“Sure,” you say, shrugging, but inside you are nearly boiling. “Is that all?”

Your mother’s eyes snap to you and she eyes you warningly. You don’t roll your eyes even though you want to.

“Like milk or fruits?” You ask quickly to diffuse the situation. She must be really annoyed with Jaehyun and you are not about to earn what he is due. She visibly relaxes.

“Oh, you can buy grapes or bananas if you want to. And if they are fresh.”

Armed with cash you put on your flip-flops and first jacket you grab and go out. Less than 10 minutes later you leave the convenience store and as you are about to go back to your apartment you hear a familiar giggle. It’s barely audible but it catches your attention. You freeze, waiting for more, because the voice itself is distinctive enough to awaken your curiosity.

A few seconds later you hear it again, followed by a murmur of another familiar voice. You walk to the corner of the store and around it, where you know there is a hole in the fence and shrubs that shield this place from the road. If you wanted to, you could use it as a shortcut to Nams’ house., but dealing with shrubbery wasn’t worth it. But it was a place known to all the kids that grew up in this neighborhood. 

You do your best to be quiet but it’s hard to be with so many shrubs. The second voice hushes the first one.

“Jaehyun,” you call out with a lazy sneer in your voice. “You should’ve invited Bora inside and not made her hide in the shrubs. Also it’s better you come home, mom is so pissed with you right now.”

[miaremy]

⇜ once upon a dream ⇝

this time, doyun dropped the toaster oven.

of course, he called jj, makeshift repairman of his dorm, to come over and fix it. how he dropped the toaster oven is a complete mystery to him. sometimes jj asks a lot of questions, but when it comes to how doyun broke something, he doesn't anymore. instead, he fixes it as requested, then usually ends up hanging around for a while later doing nothing in particular.

especially if suhwan is home, like today.

he and suhwan have known each other for a while, apparently, but he can say that about a lot of people. for the fall of seaside and the ensuing war being so brutal by all accounts he's heard, there sure are a lot of people in this agency that remember him from before it did.

suhwan is different though, in that he's known him for a while that he can remember, too. well, it's been a year; he met lots of people he still sees often in his early days at meia, or upon returning to meia-- whatever. he thinks suhwan can understand him a little better though, because they endured the medical wing together, and the confusion of coming home after a while away. suhwan kept his memories, and just ran away when seaside fell. jj...well, he still doesn't know what he did yet.

he survived the fall of seaside. he knows that. he was there at the beginning of meia's rebuild, but no one knows what happened to him, and even after a year in the agency, he is no closer to knowing than he was the first day he arrived.

even after a year in the agency it's still just as frustrating as it was the first day he arrived, too. part of why he agreed to come to meia was the belief that it might help him learn something about himself and his memories, but that hasn't been the case. he's learned other things, so he guesses that's fine, but sometimes he still wonders if he would've been better off if he stayed out there. they're all doomed to die anyway, right? so what does it matter?

then he reminds himself that if he didn't come to meia he wouldn't be able to watch game of thrones. and he also wouldn't have met suhwan, but game of thrones is what's most important.

he sits in a chair in suhwan's room now, leaned back, staring up at the ceiling as he tosses a hand-made hacky sack up in the air over and over.

he thinks about the day he met suhwan in the med wing, and how he wanted to crawl out of his skin. the tiles and the white coats and the needles and pills. he told juhyuk once-- that the med wing weirded him out. juhyuk told him he was always fine with it before.

sometimes that haunts him, just like the recurring dreams he has, and it's always in his head, whether it's at the forefront or in the background. what does it mean? what does it mean? he still doesn't know if they're memories or just some weird consistent metaphorical manifestation of some subconscious fear.

it's not every night. he has different dreams, but one is so frequent: the one where he's in a white room staring at a door, full of dread. he can hear muffled voices on the other side, see movement  in the small crack under the door. they are right there, and he is always so terrified, but he always wakes up before they come in.

it used to be a terrifying nightmare. he would wake up with his heartbeat pounding in his ears, struggling to breathe. now, it's happened so many times that he usually just wakes up frustrated. if he just stayed in the dream a little longer, maybe he would know who was on the other side of that door. he doesn't care how bad it is anymore; he doesn't care that dream jj probably has good reason to feel terror so strong it makes him shake. he wants to know.

he throws the hacky sack in the air again. "hey suhwan. do you ever get like...weird dreams? or just...dreams that keep coming back?"

↪ @miawisp

[chiveburger]

I love lucy’s music so much... in my opinion there are a few selected artists in korea that make music that truly transcends language barriers. the other is martin smith. there’s warmth in their discography, and I’ve listened to their music during my worst and most desperate times. lucy often works with yenevera to curate their music, and ever since superband they were ALWAYS focused on ambient sound. yechan’s violin might be the hook that brought a lot of new fans in but as a unit, lucy releases some of the most refreshing, vibrant and stirring music. even before wonsang joined their unit, yechan, gwangil and juhyuk’s cover of hold back the river still stands as one of my most favorite superband covers. the overall design and concept lucy officially debuted with is also very compatible and picturesque. music videos, comeback pictures, album designs and trailers are nicely filmed to help visualize some of their songs too. I’m always excited to hear what they have coming next...

[bandlucy]

about LUCY

LUCY is a four-member band under Mystic Story. They debuted on May 7, 2020 with their single, Flowering.

The group was named after the dog, Lucy, who they spent time with during SuperBand. Their unofficial fandom name is Walwal (after the Korean onomatopoeia for a dog’s bark).

The band consists of four members:

Shin Yechan (leader, violin) Instagram / YouTube

Born June 13, 1992.

Prior to joining LUCY, he was part of Ganeung-dong band, which is well-known for busking. (check out their instagram)

He sleeps in the living room, away from the others because he makes too much noise in his sleep (lol).

He has already completed his military service.

Choi Sangyeop (vocal, guitar) Instagram

Born Feb. 27, 1994.

He joined LUCY after the completion of SuperBand, when their original vocalist, Juhyuk, returned to his own band, Gift, when the show ended.

He has already completed his military service (I think).

Jo Wonsang (bass, producer) Instagram

Born August 15, 1996.

He is part of the producer trio Yenevara, with Park Jihwan and O.YEON. They played a huge part in LUCY’s arrangements during SuperBand!

Shin Gwangil (vocal, drum) Instagram / Twitter / YouTube

 Born May 25, 1997.

He originally joined SuperBand as a vocalist. During the show, he switched to bass. He switched to drum starting from their “Hold Back the River” performance, when they realized they were lacking the sound of percussion. Gwangil decided to do it as he had the most experience (he played a bit during his school years).

He lived in Peru around middle school, so he can speak some Spanish.

~

LUCY on SuperBand (updated as subs come out)

Juhyuk, the group’s foreman, brought together Yechan, Gwangil, and himself during Round 3. This performance marked Gwangil’s first time playing drums in public (as opposed to his previous showcases of vocal/bass), and he was praised for his versatility. They performed “Hold Back the River” and won the round 5-0.

(cr. to lululove’s guide to lucy and juns.spotlight on Kprofiles for a lot of this info)

[sciencenewsforstudents]

Invisibility cloaks are making a splash. Or rather, preventing splashes, perhaps.

Although the science fiction idea of an invisibility cloak is a Harry Potter–style device that makes objects invisible to the eye, physicists have branched out. In addition to hiding objects from light waves under certain conditions (SN: 7/15/06, p. 42), researchers have made cloaking devices that can mask objects’ effects on other types of waves, including sound waves and water waves (SN: 5/18/13, p. 8).

Now, two teams of researchers have come up with ways of directing waves and currents around an object in a fluid, effectively hiding the object’s presence by cloaking its effect on the surrounding water. The techniques can also reduce drag or the rocking effect of waves on the object within the cloak, the scientists report in two studies in the Aug. 16 Physical Review Letters.

Whether for light, sound or water, such cloaks work by steering waves so they travel around an object rather than scattering off it, which would disrupt the waves’ paths and reveal the object’s presence. Instead, the cloak forces the waves to take a small detour around the object and return to the same configuration that they’d be if the object weren’t there. But “actually making these things is tricky,” says physicist John Pendry of Imperial College London, who was not involved with the studies.

To cloak a miniature boat from the swells inside a wave tank, one team built a structure that can steer waves away from the tank’s center. Along each side of the wave tank’s long, narrow channel, the researchers laid steel beams that gradually sloped upward to a flat region, and then back down. That changes the depth of the water at the edges of the tank in a way that adjusts incoming waves’ speed and direction. In experiments, a toy boat in the tank’s center sat mostly motionless as the waves rolled in. A series of such beams could be constructed in a port to stop boats from bobbing wildly while being loaded with cargo, the researchers suggest.

The structure appears simple, but “sometimes simple is very powerful,” says engineer Zhenyu Wang of Zhejiang University in Hangzhou, China. “When you understand the theory, you do not need to use a very complex method.”

Along with physicist Huanyang Chen, Wang and colleagues hope to eventually test the setup in a real-world harbor. Chen, of Xiamen University in China, jokes that the setup would yield another benefit: “With the help of the structure, it’s easy for us to have coffee on a boat” — with no spillage.

In the second study, scientists shielded a small object in a flowing stream of water using a complex, specially designed material made up of more than 500 tiny pillars, each 50 micrometers in width, that encircle the object to be hidden. The interaction of the water with the pillars makes the fluid behave as if it is more viscous, and alters its flow. As a result, water downstream flows as if no obstacle had been in its path.

At the same time, the material decreases drag forces on the object, simulations suggest. “The force cannot penetrate into the inner cloaked region,” says materials scientist Juhyuk Park of MIT, a coauthor of the study. Reducing drag with this type of material could lead to more fuel-efficient vehicles, Park suggests.

[hoppipollaitalia]

Juhyuk dei Gift, nella diretta instagram che ha fatto ieri, ha raccontato la storia di come ha comprato la chitarra di Hyunsang 🎸

Juhyuk: “Mentre mi preparavo per l'esibizione di "Hold Back the River*", nel nostro ufficio avevo una chitarra piccola che uno hyung mi aveva prestato e mi piaceva tantissimo, è molto comoda, mi piaceva davvero. 

Non l'ho ricevuta come regalo da Hyunsang, ma l'ho comprata. 

La chitarra piccola aveva un certo fascino e quindi quando stavamo facendo le prove per il concerto di Superband ho detto a Hyunsang, che era di fianco a me, che stavo pensando di comprarne una. Una volta lui aveva detto: "Ah devo vendere la mia chitarra" e tutto a un tratto me ne sono ricordato e quindi gli ho chiesto della sua chitarra. Lui non la stava usando e quindi mi ha detto: "Hyung se te la volessi vendere la compreresti?" 

(*nb: esibizione fatta a Superband) 

Traduzione a cura di Hoppípolla Italia | prendere con i crediti | eng trans © junhaera_  

[thong-in-the-twist]

Downtown Throw IV

Part I II III IV V VI VII

“Aren’t you going out?”

You don’t look away from TV, as your father gingerly sits down on the opposing end of the couch. To be frank, that’s the only space left, since you spread all over the couch, with your snacks and stupid magazines covering coffee table. You are in your sweats and you have sheet mask on your face, lazily watching some sitcom.

You are the epitome of cliché.

“No, why?”

You ask, perfectly knowing why. It’s Saturday night, and usually nothing would make you stay at home, but well – everyone you hang out with left today for mainland for regional stage of basketball tournament, and you have nothing else to do.

What annoys you the most is the fact, that they all seem guilty about that and they try to keep you in the loop – and it makes being the only one left out even worse, as your phone keeps buzzing on the coffee table.

“Oh, nothing.” Your father is careful, like a wild animal caretaker. You ignore him, knowing that in a moment he’ll pick up the subject. “Aren’t you going to pick up your phone? It’s ringing.”

“Nah, it’s not. They are just sending messages – all eight of them.”

“Eight of them?”

“Yeah. Yangju, Bora, Hyesu, Taejun, Jaemin, Jeho, Juhyuk and even Jaehyun are messaging me about what’s happening there.” You say, because as improbable as it is, all of them are writing to you. And you don’t even answer. Yangju was to be expected, and you are sure that she writes to you about how stupid everyone is being, Bora is probably writing about her quest to get a boyfriend, Hyesu is probably sending you photos, Taejun is being cheesy, Jaemin is probably judgmental about the whole thing. You have no idea why Jeho is writing to you, but he is, and you are in no mood to check his messages. Nor you want to check Juhyuk’s. But the least you want to see what Jaehyun wrote you – because sure as hell he is teasing you about being left on the island.

“Oh.” You are thankful that it’s your father that tries to check what’s wrong with you, because he is more shy than your mother in terms of grilling you for information. He clears his throat. “Jaehyun called mom to tell that they won their first game. He even described how amazing Juhyuk was.”

Your father laughs, and you smile to match him, but not that  enthusiastic – you tried to ignore Juhyuk problem all day, and you are not about to change that now. You pat your face to help your skin with absorbing moisture from the mask. Your father coughs to mask how uncomfortable he is, and you feel guilty.

“Don’t worry, honey.” He says in the end, and you look at him for the first time. He is trying to smile reassuringly at you, and it’s kind of sweet. “They will surely go for Nationals, and you’d be able to go with them then.”

“And what if I won’t be able?” You ask, like a spoiled teenager you don’t like to be – but you want him to leave you alone so you can wallow in your loneliness. Your father’s face falls and you feel even worse – he is not responsible for your bad mood.

“Then you’ll have to suck it up.” He grunts out and stands up. It’s so unexpected that you laugh. He walks out of the living room, patting your shoulder as he goes, and you think that fathers can be really amazing – so easily making you laugh even when you don’t want to.

He comes back a moment later exchanging your popcorn on the table with fruit salad and you narrow your eyes at him.

“What? It’s me that have to listen to you whine about your weight.” You make a face at him, but take offered bowl and fill it with salad, nestling back on the couch.

Your phone is still buzzing, when you focus back on this stupid sitcom, and take a first bite.

It hits you how sad it is that except for that group of people (excluding Jeho, Juhyuk and Jaehyun – you can’t really count them as your friends) you have no one else to hang out with. You’ve never realized that. You’ve never really needed to, since your squad was always just there.

And only now you see that you are lost without them.

*

You go running on the Sunday morning. Your mother eyes you surprised as you go out, but says nothing and you are thankful for that. You don’t want to say that you decided to do something with your life just because you feel lonely, but…

But that would be true.

Your legs lead you straight to Nams’ house and it annoys you, and it actually helps you run longer, and even when your lungs start to burn, and you start seeing black patches in the corners of your eyes, you keep running – not really having other things to do.

When you come back your Endomondo shows a little bit over 4km, and your knees are shaking as you go up the stairs, fingers too frozen to properly grab a key (in the end your mother swings door open for you, shaking her head at you).

You know that both your father and your mother observe you warily as you prepare breakfast (you’ve already warmed up in the shower, but you body feels jittery and you vow to keep running, because your condition is horrible), and you see raised eyebrows at your salad.

“What.” You say defensively, and they just shrug focusing back on the TV. You are grumpy when you eat your meal, and without much ado you close yourself in your room.

Where you start to study.

What is even going on with your life.

Last evening you’ve decided to check some of the messages. As you thought Hyesu kept sending you photo after photo: sea, seagulls, the seashore, harbor on the mainland, bus, hotel, game, Juhyuk jumping in the air… At this point you closed that conversation. Jeho’s message was “WE WON BISHES” followed with shitload of emojis.

But the rest… Rest kept focusing on one topic only – growing friendship between Bora and Jaehyun. And boy, are you torn about this. Bora asked you whether Jaehyun likes older girls, and she was the only person to actually get your answer, which was poop emoji.

Yes, you are nearly an adult.

It made you so uncomfortable. You like Bora, you do, but you know her and Jaehyun is your brother and you were the one to separate Bora and Juhyuk back at Jeho’s and you don’t know what do think and what to do about this.

You just don’t want them dating.

Yangju was dutifully updating you about how they talked together during the whole ferry ride, and how they sat together on the bus, and during the meals, and how the rest of the team kept teasing Jaehyun, and Jaemin send you a photo of them taking a selfie, and you wish you didn’t know that.

You are not going to live it down if Jaehyun gets a girlfriend before you get a boyfriend.

Juhyuk appears behind your eyes and you sigh.

Not that boyfriend.

You don’t want a younger guy, you don’t even like him that much! And he is Yangju’s brother, and Jaehyun’s best friend, and apparently crush of half of the girls at school, and talk about uncomfortable.

And yet you decided it would be funny to push him into confessing to you. And he did.

The knowledge of being confessed to makes you are fuzzy and warm – but you bet it would be better if you liked the guy yourself.

And now you have time till Thursday to think what can you do about it.

Doors to your room open, and your mom stops in the doorway looking at you with a clear incredulity.

“Can you just go out?” She asks exasperated and you look around feeling defensive.

“Why?”

“Because you are behaving like as if you were going through a breakup. One day junk food and reality shows, next day morning jogging, healthy food and studying. I don’t know, go to the beach or up the volcano.”

“It’s cold.” You say.

“And yet you were running in the morning.” She points out, coming into your room, and grabbing clothes from your floor – you know that there is no point in asking her to stop, so you just stare at her defiantly. She straightens abruptly shaking your jeans at you. “Or go to the shopping mall, or whatever you usually do.”

“Alone?”

“It’s not like it will kill you. Don’t you have other friends than Yangju?” The fact that your mom is contradicting herself in one breath is alarming.

“Apparently not.”

*

In the end you go to the underground shopping mall. During your journey you keep staring at still unread conversation with Juhyuk – he is the last person that you have still left hanging. The sole fact that he is writing to you tells you how strong of a person he is. Had you been you (deciding whether to write to your crush after confessing and not getting answer), you’d be too embarrassed/scared to do that.

There is a sale going on in your favorite store and you buy yourself new tee. While you are at it you decide to go and buy yourself one more skirt to your uniform, with spring just around the corner. You spend wonderful time in makeup section of the store, and you treat yourself to smoothie after that. You sit in the shop watching teenagers just like you hanging out. You could spot those being alone like you, but mostly they came in pairs or in groups, and loneliness hit you once again.

It wasn’t as harsh during the summer – it was longer period, but it was you who was gone – and not the one left.

You know that it’s the thing you hate, being left alone, not being lonely.

So you decide to read Juhyuk’s messages.

About to start, wish me luck!

Came and won.

Does Jaehyun talk in his sleep?

He does. Shoot.

Tell me embarrassing stories about Jaehyun so I can blackmail him.

(thumbs-up emoji)

You laugh, feeling how anxious feeling in your gut goes away, you are answering before you even know it.

Congrats. Poor you. He loved to wear mom’s stiletto heels.

You send it and you stare at the open conversation, not really believing yourself. When the message status changes to read, you send one more thing and throw your phone back into your bag, having reached your limit.

Good luck today.

*

Your mood was way better on Monday. It was a stupid thing, but you are not immune to little ego stroking.

Everybody knew that they won all three of their games, one on Saturday and two on Sunday, but people kept coming to you for more information. In the end you were the only person from that squad left in the school, and everybody correctly assumed that you’d be getting information straight from people involved.

You were the first one to know that they won their fourth game crushing the opposing team with horrible score of 101:67. Hyesu send you one candid shot of Juhyuk taking off his shirt as a victory celebration.

You’ve send him thumbs-up emoji, even before he wrote to you, hiding your phone under the desk so your teacher wouldn’t see.

At lunch seniors from another class invited you to sit with them at lunch (you were in the same class with some of them last year, and two years before as well). You talked mostly about their game, and for the first time Jaehyun’s obsession with games paid off, because you’ve heard him talking to your dad on the phone the night before describing the game play by play, so you could really describe what was going on.

What was funny, was the fact that the same group invited you to BomBom after classes, and you know that they just wanted to know what was happening during the second game of the day. You actually asked Yangju to update you live (which she found weird and she didn’t hesitate to tell you that, but she is your bff, so she did what you asked).

BomBom was filled with people, and in the end you weren’t really sitting with other seniors, you ended more being a sort of radio commentator for the game, reading out loud what Yangju was sending you (and later Jaemin when Yangju got bored).

They won.

Later that night Sonjae messaged you, first time in months.

It was nice to talk to you again~ See you tomorrow.

*

The obsession only grew through Tuesday and Wednesday. Going to Regionals was unthinkable, it was something that all the school took pride from, but the fact that they were still wining on the mainland meant world to a school that never really won.

Taejun begrudgingly messaged you that it was all thanks to freshman strengthening the team.

On Tuesday no one could talk about anything expect for their game, but Wednesday… Wednesday it was already madness. Around eleven in the morning you informed the class out loud that they won another game, 83:81, which was welcomed with a loud roar, and teacher not even having a heart to stop you from that. News spread to other classrooms with seniors from your class running down the halls informing people loudly about the results.

The school spirit, and school pride caught up with Yangju and Jaemin who decided to make a livestream out of their last game (but you suspected that they were already tired of writing to you play by play). But they actually did it very professionally, as expected from them. They did two simultaneous streams from two different edges of the court, and it forced you to do a special set up at BomBom. Sonjae and his friend from movie club smuggled out of the school projectors and two other guys lent you your laptops to connect them to each of the streams.

You actually paid more attention to students of your school watching both streams on the bare wall than the actual game.

It was quite funny to watch how engrossed they were – and actually sent Yangju a picture of the ground floor of BomBom filled with students to the brim.

A big part of them game you spent talking in a hushed voice with BomBom’s owner who was kind enough to allow you to set up this stream (but truth be told he was earning more money than usual). Later Sonjae joined you at the bar, along with that other friend, Hyunuk, and like that you half watched the game, half talked.

You filmed when the room started loudly cheering, following one of the songs Jaemin wrote, and sent it to the author – the atmosphere in BomBom was really unforgettable.

They won. It was unthinkable, and yet, they won, clearing the Regionals without any loss.

The stream was still on, showing the burst of untamed, hysterical euphoria. You saw how players from the bench run to the other, you saw how they jumped together, how cheerleaders joined them, how they screamed and laughed, you saw (along with the rest of the room) how Bora threw herself in Jaehyun’s arms, and laughter and hoots were deafening.

You also saw how they shook their hands with other team, and how Juhyuk fished his phone out from his sports bag. You expected him to write, but he rose his hand to his ear, and you watched his small figure in the left stream, knowing deep down what is going to happen, but still jumping when your phone started to buzz.

You looked at the screen, even know you knew exactly who was calling. You could see Sonjae’s eyes flicking to your screen as well, and suddenly you felt embarrassed. As if it was a dream, you looked up to see Juhyuk turning around on the screen and smiling brightly at his teammates, his phone still next to his ear.

For a moment you thought it would be better to go out to answer the phone, so you could hear him – but at the same time it would give vibe of you having something to hide. So you answered right there, in midst of racket.

“Yes?”

“We won.” It’s surreal, because even from afar you can see him mouthing those words on the screen as you hear them.

“Yeah, I know,” you say, clenching the phone. On the screen Jaehyun jumps on Juhyuk and screams something unintelligible and you hear it through the call, along with Juhyuk’s excited laughter.

“I did as you said!” He is euphoric, but you can only swallow, at the implications that his words bring. You don’t want him doing what you told him to do. Not as if it was some kind of condition that he needs to fulfill for you to date him. It pressures you in a way you really don’t like.

“Yeah, I know,” you repeat, looking around and seeing that Hyunuk is looking at you, while Sonjae is focusing on his drink. As an afterthought you add: “congrats.”

“Yeah.” He says, hitting Jeho’s back excitedly. “Yeah.”

“Yeah.” You repeat once more, feeling awkward. “Go celebrate.”

You are the one to finish the call, looking away, not waiting to see Juhyuk after the call, and you focus on Sonjae and Hyunuk, and you smile at them, stuffing your phone in your pocket.

“Our young hero?” Asks Hyunuk teasingly, and you focus on him, having really no time to decide what you should say to him. You don’t know whether you should be defensive or play it down – because you don’t know how you feel.

“Yeah.” You say dismissively wanting them to catch on.

Sonjae smiles and asks you about your plans for spring break. It’s very brusque way to change the topic (with all the celebration going on behind you), but you take it.

*

“WE WON!”

You are sitting on the couch with your mom, and neither of you turns around. Your dad went to fetch Jaehyun from the harbor, and they have just arrived. And, of course, Jaehyun had to scream his lungs out upon arrival.

“Yeah, we know.” Your mom answers, giving you a sideway glance. You seemingly ignore Jaehyun all together.

“But we’ve won, the whole…” Jaehyun tries again, so clearly disappointed that you bite your lip.

“Yeah, I said we know. You have food in the kitchen, and after you eat go to sleep, it’s school day tomorrow.” Your mom is perfect in moments like that, and you wish you could see Jaehyun’s face, but you can’t, so you feign being focused on the dumb soap opera you were watching.

You can hear angry shuffling behind you, and you can’t contain yourself, so you stand up and you go to the kitchen, really wanting to see Jaehyun’s reaction. You open the fridge, seeing angry Jaehyun, looking on the verge of the tears. Your father is behind him, with eyes shining. For a moment you consider your family quite cruel, but then Jaehyun enters the kitchen and he sees a cake your mother made this afternoon. It was even before they won the last game – but your mom was so proud of her only son. She actually baked cake medal for Jaehyun, and you were so ready to eat it.

Jaehyun looks like a young boy all over again, turning to your parents excited.

“Congratulations!” Your father is hitting his back, and your mom just goes around them into the kitchen to get the plates, and you join your brother and father, and you hit Jaehyun as well, just for a good measure.

Jaehyun laughs, now happy, and takes a picture of the cake, before your mom starts to cut it. After posting the picture, Jaehyun starts talking about the games, and the mainland, and you all dutifully listen.

As annoying as he can be, he is your only brother.

Later, when you are back in your room, getting ready to sleep you notice that Juhyuk tried to contact you with a simple message:

Can you come out for a moment?

Uneasy feeling settles in your heart, but you do your best to ignore it, and without answering you go to sleep.

*

“But mom…!”

“Don’t call for mom, you skipped your cleaning thrice!” You know that it’s for a good reason, but you were cleaning after breakfast for nearly full week, and you are not going to reach 7th day streak.

“Jaehyun…” It’s your mom trying to side with you from the kitchen, and you smile, triumphal.

“But I won regionals…”

“Which doesn’t give you a free pass.” You mock, and your mother calls your name with a warning tone in her voice. You scoff, but shut up. You wouldn’t want her to change her mind.

Yangju and Juhyuk are already on the bus stop when you arrive, and they both light up when they see you – which causes you to blush. Not because of Yangju though.

You squeak and Yangju mirrors you, and you hug, laughing at how stupid you are being.

“Hi, Junior.” You say to Juhyuk, trying to put some distance between the two of you while still hugging Yangju.

“Hi.” He says in quiet voice, and stuffs his hands in his pockets, oozing awkwardness.

Jaehyun arrives maybe half a minute before bus comes and the four of you get on together. You focus on grilling Yangju about her side of the trip, ignoring Jaehyun’s tries to get involved with your conversation. Juhyuk is way more quiet, but you can feel his eyes on your back.

The moment you get off on the bus stop in front of main entrance to your school the pandemonium erupts. People are cheering and clapping, and coming to congratulate both Juhyuk and Jaehyun, and those who know them personally sticking to their sides to proudly escort them into the school.

“Look, we have celebrities in our families,” says Yangju jokingly, as you stand on the sidewalk walking at this racket.

“Jaehyun is going to be impossible.” You only murmur, and she pats your arm.

*

You just want the whole tournament to end. From Yangju annoyed glances you can guess that she is as fed up as you.

From the moment the first period ends it’s all drama-like. Bora turning around to you to swoon about your brother (but kudos to her for not saying his name even once, as if it wasn’t about him), Taejun coming to you, all cocky and leaning against your desk to ask whether he is cool enough now for you to date him. Jeho making whole class sing one of the cheer songs, seniors from other classes entering yours to congratulate Taejun and Jeho (Sonjae and Hyunuk included – who greeted you, making Bora cease her tribute to Jaehyun just to grill you about that). Lunch wasn’t better, really. Seeing Jaehyun walk into cafeteria all proud, with Juhyuk way more indifferent at his side, was so annoying that you really considered throwing something at him.

To make it worse for the whole day Juhyuk tries to talk to you. Thankfully the number of people that want to personally congratulate him doesn’t seem to go down, and they attack him as soon as he appears in the vicinity, making it impossible to come to you.

But you know he tries, because you suddenly see him everywhere, looking at you from above other students. Impossible height can be useful.

You are so tired, and borderline annoyed that you skip on BomBom, wanting to just go home. How funny it is, that you’ve spent 5 days wanting your friends to be back, but as soon as they came back, you want nothing more than be left alone.

“Aren’t you going to Yangju’s?” It’s your mom, who asks as soon as you clear the doorway, and it is a valid question. Normally you’d be there, but with a threat of Juhyuk coming back home anytime you didn’t want to risk it. Basketball did have an evening practice (nationals!), but nevertheless you weren’t ready to push your luck.

You still have no idea what to do with his crush.

Because sure as hell you are not going to accept his confession.

But since you are one of those that believe that if you ignore the problem it will disappear, you just prepare yourself a cup of tea, and sit down to study.

You spend your evening pretending to study and pretending not to see Juhyuk’s messages asking you if you can come out and meet him after his practice. The whole plan seems to work, until Jaehyun comes home.

You can hear him shuffling loudly in the hall, talking about something with your father, and then he bursts your doors open.

“Hey!” You scream, turning around to scold him, but you can see your mom turning around to glare at you through open door, so you swallow your curses.

“Juhyuk wants to talk with you,” says Jaehyun with contempt in his voice, as if it was beyond him that Juhyuk might want to talk to you. Well, you’d like it to be beyond you as well.

“Juhyuk?” Repeats your father, his head appearing behind Jaehyun, and you want to scream. Not only you cannot ignore him like that, but you are never going to hear the end of it.

“Juhyuk?” This time it’s your mom. “Why would Juhyuk want to talk with you?”

“Have no idea,” you murmur weakly, but they don’t even listen. Jaehyun moves back, leaving your doors open, and one day you are going to murder him and feed to the pigs. You don’t know where you’ll find pigs, but your island is famous for them, so you will manage.

“Maybe it’s because she once run away with him, to escape cleaning duty. Maybe he wants to learn the secret of playing dirty?” Says your dad, and you groan.

“She’s jealous, because that’s my friend.” Whines Jaehyun, and you really, really hate him.

“Honey, you shouldn’t make him wait! And Jaehyun, why didn’t you invite him in?”

“I’m going!” You say, going out into the hallway, and you see Jaehyun with shining eyes. He isn’t happy, but he won’t pass the opportunity to tease you. So you are not going to stop yourself either. “I guess since I’m stealing Juhyuk, you decided to date Bora?”

Immediately both of your parents focus on Jaehyun, just in time to see him flip you off.

The bomb that erupts in your living room cheers you up for a moment, but then you are walking down the stairs to face Juhyuk, who you really didn’t want to face.

He is standing in front of your building, still with his sports bag thrown over his shoulder, and looking down at the concrete. He moves when he hears the doors, and you see him hiding one of his hands behind himself, and even in the dark you can discern the shape of a bouquet.

Oh, no.

“Hi.” He greets you shyly, and you want to go back and let Jaehyun tease you – anything would be better than this conversation.

“Hi.” You say back, crossing arms on your chest.

“I’m back.” He says after a moment of silence, and you nod, because you know that if you try to speak you are going to point out that he is stating the obvious. He looks at you for a moment, and then takes a quick step and takes the flowers from behind you and nearly hits you in the chest with them, as he tries to present them. “Those are for you.”

It’s a small bouquet of red roses, a cliché, but nothing else to expected from fifteen years old. You stare at the red petals, trying to will yourself to do that, to just get over with it.

“Juhyuk…” You start slowly, and there is a split of a second during which his face falls, but then it’s back, as if that never happened.

“No.” He says with a smile, pushing bouquet into your arms, but you don’t grab it.

“Juhyuk, I can’t…” You try again, but he just shakes his head.

“No.” He repeats, and you start to feel helpless, eyes dropping on the flowers. You take a deep breath, telling yourself that you are stronger than that.

“Juhyuk, I can’t accept your confession…”

“No.”

“I’m sorry, for all of that, but…”

“Don’t say it.”

“I like you, I really do. You are a nice boy.”

“Stop it.”

“But I just don’t like you like a man. My man.” You finish, talking through him, and he is so exasperated that you don’t know what to expect.

“I told you not to say anything!” He explodes, and you jump surprised, immediately he calms down, and grabs your hand, pushing the bouquet into your hand. You are taken by surprise so you take it, and he takes a quick step back, to make sure that you don’t give the present back. He smiles at you sheepishly. “I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.”

If he thought that would be romantic, well it wasn’t.

“But you did.” Now you are exasperated, but he is already walking away. Quickly as well, as if he was escaping your words. “And I mean it!”

“I didn’t, and you didn’t!”

He counters, waves to you, and starts running, making it impossible to shout after him.

And you are left alone in front of your building with a bouquet of red roses.

[thong-in-the-twist]

Downtown Throw III

Part I II III IV

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!”

Coming down from your high it’s both ludicrous and horrifying experience. It’s really like getting a monstrous hangover – with one small difference. It’s not a physical one, it’s a moral hangover. You slide your fingers out, and when a moment ago this movement and the sounds that accompany it were arousing, now they are just disgusting. Your hand is wet and sticky, and you can smell the sex on your skin. Your stomach revolts as you look at it. You scramble to your feet, hand far away from your body as if it was venomous. You go out of your way, just to make sure you don’t touch anything. You struggle to fasten back your jeans, but when you finally do, you open your room, and walk out, dirty hand hanging on your side.

And because you are one lucky girl, your parents are sitting in the living room, watching television, but they turn around as soon as they hear you in the corridor. You just hang your head, really not in shape to face them.

“Are you ok?” Asks your mother, and you can hear in her voice that she has furrowed her eyebrows. It’s a tone you know all too well, and she always scrunches her face when she uses it. You know that she uses it on her workers, every time she senses that they are not really working. She probably saw your burning face and noticed that you still have your jacket on, but you are not about to face her with your hand covered with your slick.

You duck into the bathroom, locking it behind you. You clean your hands vigorously, knowing that you are trying to clean your conscience. It’s not enough and you feel somehow desecrated. You strip and turn the water on in the shower. The water it too hot to be comfortable, but you grit your teeth, scrubbing yourself until your skin is bright red.

Back in your room with its stale after-sex smell, you open the window to air it, and lay on the bed, looking at your ceiling – disturbed.

Your phone rings, and you are so tempted to ignore it, but when caller doesn’t give up after first 20 seconds, you stir and answer it.

Laughter is your greeting.

Somehow it makes you feel better.

“Aha.” You muse, with fake irritation in your voice.

“I just can’t believe that you walked on Juhyuk masturbating.” There is still laughter in Yangju’s voice, and she has problem catching her breath. It’s sounds like she’s been laughing for a really long time.

And that means Juhyuk told her what happen.

Thankfully only his part of the story.

You murmur something unintelligible into the mic, but she doesn’t care.

“I was so confused when you run out like that, so obviously I had to check what you saw upstairs, I am so sorry, I really thought he was out. “She lowers her voice conspiratorially. “He was so red and so distressed, it was so hilarious! God, I would have thanked your for this, because I will never forget the look on his face when he tried to explain to me what made you run out of the house in such horror, but then again, to you it was horrible experience.”

“Well, it was something.” You manage to say, trying not to think about how you dealt with the situation.

“Ew. God. Please. You are talking about my brother!”

It takes you a moment, and you instantly go hot.

“Yangju! The fuck! I wasn’t talking about his dick!” She laughs, and it clicks and you realize she was pulling your leg. “Oh, god, you are horrible. See you on Monday.”

Her laugh haunts you, as you hang up on her, but as you lay on your bed afterwards you realize that that this conversation, albeit short made you feel better.

It’s not like anybody will know.

*

They won the preliminaries. It shouldn’t be a big deal. Your island is small, exactly three high schools in your city, one on the eastern coast and two in the second city your island has.  Six schools taking part in the district preliminaries, and your school has yet to win it. In its history.

So yes, that is quite a big deal.

Especially for your brother who doesn’t really shut up about it. You can understand him, you really can – since they worked so hard, and they managed do something no one it your school managed to do, and that means that they will be going for the tournament on the land.

But it doesn’t mean you don’t wish for him to just shut up.

“And then I passed to him, and there was two defenders in front of him, but Juhyuk managed to fool them both by…”

“… pretending to throw to you, but scoring on a downtown throw.” It’s both you and your father that finish the story. You all heard it so many times that, by now, you know it by heart – this story, and actually every play that was made during their final, and of course - the hardest, game. Jaehyun is smart enough to give only you a stinky look, and he looks down at his breakfast, while your dad nudges you under the table for a low-five. Which you of course do.

“Don’t tease my son.” Warns you your mother, and your father just shrugs standing up to pour himself coffee. Your mom pats your brother on the shoulder and sits down. “We are proud of you. We will always be your fans. Just as you seem to be Juhyuk’s number one fan.”

“Mooom.” Whines Jaehyun when he realizes that your mom is also making fun of him. He scoffs and uses his spoon to spread jam around the edge of his plate.

“I am not cleaning that.” You say, as you watch red substance drop on the table, knowing what reaction that sentence will get you, you immediately stand up grabbing your plate. You can see the panic and immediate offence on Jaehyun’s face.

“But it’s your turn!” Your brother is fuming  as you put your plate in the sink, but you just wink at him and nearly run to the hall. “Mom!”

“He’s right, it’s your turn to clean up after breakfast.” Calls your mother after you. You scoff, but don’t stop putting your shoes on.

“Mom!” You whine.

“Don’t ‘mom’ me.” You hear, and as you steal a glance at your family Jaehyun is smirking. You look him dead in the eye.

“Dad. Your son was talking instead of eating, and he still hasn’t finished – isn’t it fair for him to clean up? Since senior shouldn’t be late to school because of freshman.” That is a low blow, and you see your father shaking his head at you, and your mom is not happy, neither is Jaehyun. “Mommy? Love you!”

You open front door accompanied with your family arguing (your father playfully, your mother exasperatedly, and your brother well… offended with the whole wolrd), and you feel as playfully as your father, but you nearly freeze when you see Juhyuk standing in the hallway about to ring the bell.

You could have went blushing and horrified, the memory of him in his room masturbating with a flashback of you doing the same in your own room, but you refuse to. You can feel yourself warming up, as you stare up at his face, but without a blink you call back to your family.

“Jaehyun, your idol is here, get your album out – I bet he’ll sign it!”

“What the…”

“Language!”

“…heck.” Finishes Jaehyun quietly, you can see him stuffing his mouth with bread and standing up. You grab your bag, and look up at Juhyuk still standing at the threshold.

“Do you mind?” You ask pushily, aggressively even, and you see him flinch and he moves to the side, and you see reddish patch of skin next to his collar, blush? Bruise? Hickey?

Jaehyun pushes himself into the hall next to you, and suddenly you feel like he really has a crush on him.

Your mother is next in the hall, hands on her sides.

“Well, hello Juhyuk, our basketball hero.”

“Hello, ma’am.” He says sheepishly his eyes flickering to both you and your brother, and you see Jaehyun hurriedly putting on his shoes, and you realize that you have to run, so you don’t have to clean up after breakfast. In the end it is your turn.

“Who out of my two lovely kids for whom I went into hours long labor,” you push your way out the apartment, feeling Jaehyun trying to grab you, and you in your haste to go out you grab Juhyuk and you kind of push him ahead, and he goes without a pause,” will clean up the table?” Jaehyun is struggling behind you, and you hurry Juhyuk, who probably doesn’t even know what he’s doing when he grabs your hand and runs down the stairs. “So I guess it will be my very own basketball star.”

It’s the last thing you hear. You can nearly hear Jaehyun whining, when you stop in front of the building to catch a breath. Juhyuk stands awkwardly at your side, and you notice how he is not even flushed. As a basketball player should.

“Oh, ok. That was great.” You say, and he shrugs, and you notice how his jacket is too big to move with his shoulders. You straighten and fix the strap of your bag. “He’ll be out in five, so you can wait here for him.” You take one step, and you turn around. “Did Yangju leave already?”

“Uh, yes.”

“That sucks.”You mutter to yourself. “Anyway, thanks.”

You start walking down the street – quite quickly. You can’t really stop yourself from remembering Juhyuk’s d… No, everything is better than that.

And that’s how you end up with a different memory behind your eyes: Juhyuk walking into the kitchen with his shirt off, skin glistening with sweat, and that is not better.

Suddenly you realize that Juhyuk is walking next to you, and it gives you a pause. He stops walking when he realizes that you stopped as well.

“Aren’t you going to wait for Jaehyun?” You ask, pointing in the vague direction of your apartment, and Juhyuk looks back, and shrugs, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jacket.

“I don’t want to be late for school?” He should be stating it, but he is asking. You check your phone, and yes if you don’t catch this bus you are going to be late, and as much as you don’t care about studying (ok, you do care, but ‘not caring’ is what’s popular so you’ll stick to that), you wouldn’t want to be late.

“Fair enough.” Something is not right, why would he leave your brother choosing to go with you? Shouldn’t he be too embarrassed to face you?

You never really talked after the incident. Hell, you didn’t even spend time in each other’s vicinity.

It’s weird, and you don’t understand, but you can’t say that you are opposed to walking with him (you can still feel his hand on yours even if the touch was short and you were preoccupied with other things – like running down the stairs and not killing yourself in the process).

There are more than few students wearing your school’s uniform when you reach bus stop, and you know that inside the bus it will be worse. You keep checking your phone for time, anxious, but knowing well enough it won’t change anything, while Juhyuk rocks on his heels standing next to you quietly.

After putting your phone back in your pocket once again, you notice one of the girls on the bus stop looking at you, and promptly looking away when she sees you looking that way. You try to subtly check whether you have something on your clothes, but when you notice others stealing glances at you, you realize it’s not exactly you they are looking at. It’s Juhyuk. Of course, it’s Juhyuk – the hero that lead your basketball team to victory, the ingenious and handsome freshman.

He shrugs when you look at him, as if to say ‘whatever’. Which means that he knows that they are staring.

Bus arrives just when you see Jaehyun clearing the corner in full sprint. You snort amused, and Juhyuk turns to see what you are looking at, at the same time delicately steering you to get into the queue. Bus is already nearing its capacity.

You could have ignored that, but Jaehyun suffered enough this morning, and you don’t want him to really be late. So you check how long is the queue behind you, considering your options. If everything else falls you can always take taxi, but it’s not the best way to go – taxis can’t use bus-lines, and you’d probably end up getting stuck in the traffic.

But you feel guilty enough to consider going out of the queue, especially when person in front of you enters the bus.

“Dude, c’mon!” Calls Juhyuk, and even though there is a quiet murmur behind him, no one opposes. Is that what it means to be popular? Jaehyun arrives wheezing a second later and he says nothing as he steps onto the bus in front of you, pressing his card against the scanner and pushing deeper into the bus.

You decide it’s not the time to call Juhyuk and Jaehyun on using their privilege and you step into the bus with Juhyuk on your heels. Thankfully every person that was waiting manages to go in, and bus finally drives away. You are squished between the boys, and no one is talking. At least until Jaehyun catches his breath.

“I will make you suffer for that.” He says finally, and lady sitting next to him looks up shocked.

“Because living with you is not enough of suffering.” Of course it gets you a stinky eye. You dismiss it. “Well, next time be quicker.”

“How can I be quicker, when my best mate runs off with my sister?” He asks angrily, now looking at Juhyuk.

“Because I’m hotter than you are.” You answer instead of Yangju’s brother. In your thrive to tease Jaehyun you take no prisoners. You don’t care that you might have just insinuated something, not when you can see blush on Jaehyun’s cheeks.

“Because she is hotter than you.” Repeats Juhyuk, bemused.

And just like that you feel warmth under your collar. He just repeats your words, and it’s not even that strong statement, it’s just saying that you are better looking than your brother, that doesn’t need to mean much. But your mind classifies that as a compliment.

Jaehyun sends Juhyuk unreadable look and falls silent.

*

“Do you want to join the cheerleading team?” Asks Bora when teacher leaves the classroom. You’ve barely made it in time, but you did, and it’s all that matters. Bora is turned around in her seat staring at you expectantly, and you glance to Yangju who is reading a book.

“And why would I do that?” You ask having received no sign that Yangju was listening.

“C’mon!” Calls out Hyesu, walking from her seat to slide down on the empty chair at Bora’s desk. Her desk partner went over to sit with her best friend.” Don’t you want to cheer on our basketball team during Regionals?”

You imagine yourself in a skirt with pompons cheering when Jaehyun scores. You feign being in a deep thought.

“Hm… No.” You answer and both girls whine. Yangju smiles over her book.

“Oh, no!” It’s Taejun. If you need a pinch of drama in your life, you can always count on him.”Your words are hurting me! It’s as if you ripped my heart from my chest and you stomped it with your heel…”

“Why not?” Whines Bora, as Hyesu waves Taejun away.

“Yes? Why?” Repeats Taejun, realizing that no one is paying attention to his monologue and swiftly dropping the act. You wonder why it’s not obvious to them.

“Because she doesn’t want to cheer on her brother?” Says Yangju, turning the page, and marking it with a bookmarker. She then closes the book, and looks around. “And as a matter of fact – I feel the same.”

“Thank you.” You say amongst harmony of whines. “Cut it, I won’t do it.”

“Even for me?” Pleads Taejun.

“Especially for you.”

*

By the lunch break cheerleaders’ search has reached its full swing. It is a big deal – accompanying the winning team out of the island to cheer on them during Regionals? Taejun keeps teasing you that it’s a great chance to get one on one with member of the team.

He obviously means himself.

Bora seems to be having exact thoughts – she whispers that to you when Yangju is in the toilet – that it is a great chance to get closer with Juhyuk.

You wonder whether she remembers Jeho’s party. You wonder what exactly happened then.

Later Yangju tells you that Bora said the same thing to her, but about Jaehyun.

Neither of you is surprised – it’s Bora.

Topic is still on everyone’s mouth when you sit in BomBom. It’s cold outside so you didn’t even consider garden – you are on the second floor warming yourself with tea. Yangju is sipping her coffee on your right, doing homework and Jaemin is in front of you reading a book. Taejun is still at the practice and both Hyesu and Bora bailed on you without stating a reason (but it’s quite obvious they went to practice for try-outs).

Behind Jaemin you can see a group of excited sophomores looking at him from behind their books – it’s good to know that whatever happens Jaemin’s fanclub is alive.

“Are you working on new track?” You ask, putting your teacup on the saucer. Jaemin unhurriedly finishes the page and closes the book.

“As a matter of fact I am.” He says, putting it on the table, and crossing his arms defensively on his chest.

“Yeah? What song are you making now?” Asks Yangju, and it baffles you how she always manages to sound bored while asking for more information. Jaemin shifts in his armchair, but his stare is steady when he answers.

“I was asked to write tracks for our cheerleading team.” It explains defensiveness.

“What?” It’s both you and Yangju – she even looks up from her notes.

“Well, since we never had a cheerleading team we don’t have songs nor chants and I am working on that.” He clarifies and you are stunned. It’s Jaemin we are talking about – indie musician, and not pop tracks producer. “And since we are on the topic I wanted to ask you, Yangju, for help.”

“Help.” She states, and you glance at her while taking a sip of your tea.

“Yeah, the thing is I can write music as you all know, but lyrics aren’t my forte and I thought you could help me out with that.” That makes sense. Yangju was writing as long as you remember. Articles, poetry, reviews – she just likes to write. “There is a chance that you’d have to go with us to the mainland – as well have to adapt the cheers on the go.”

“You’ll be going to the Regionals?” You clarify, surprised. Jaemin showing school spirit is a very weird experience.

They both ignore you.

“Yeah, ok. I can do that. I will be going anyway since I am supposed to write about their journey for our school newspaper.”

Another bomb. Another bomb at BomBom. Seems like Yangju enjoys doing that. You were so sure that both you and Yangju were above the whole basketball thing – that you were the last normal (with Jaemin), and here you are hearing that they are both going. At this point the whole school might go with them as well.

*

You spend a sleepless night. You can’t stop imagining how horrible it will be if you are the only one that won’t go to the Regionals. Jaemin, Yangju, Taejun, even Jeho are going for sure (with Jaehyun and Juhyuk to make matter worse) and both Hyesu and Bora are trying out for cheerleading team. You could do that as well, but you cannot force yourself to swallow your price and sign up for try-outs.

As you said yesterday, you cannot bear the thought of cheering on your brother. How humiliating that would be?

And would it be less humiliating than being then only one staying on the island.

You are dutifully (and thoughtfully) cleaning up after breakfast when bell rings. Jaehyun is the one to open, and by his shuffling you can guess that it’s Juhyuk again.

“Aren’t we waiting for your sister?” You hear after a moment, and you snicker.

“Why would we do that?” Asks Jaehyun incredulously, and a second later doors close. You still can’t believe that Juhyuk is willing to spend time in your company – especially after the incident. But you still need time to think about the Regionals.

You finish cleaning up, and go out locking the apartment as you are the last one to leave. To your surprise (and mild annoyance) Juhyuk and Jaehyun are standing in front of 7eleven. Jaehyun is visibly annoyed.

“Happy?” He asks Juhyuk upon seeing you and angrily walks away. Juhyuk bites inside of his cheek but waits until you reach him before he starts moving.

“Can you stop doing that? You are making him jealous and it’s me that has to live with him.” You say quietly to Juhyuk.

“But you are hotter.” Answers Juhyuk out loud and Jaehyun shoots you deadly stare over his shoulder. You try to be annoyed, but it’s hard with warmth spreading down your limbs.

“Cut it. It was a joke and let’s leave it at that.” He doesn’t answer, which could mean two things – either his defiance or agreement. You decide to read it as a second one.

He speaks up again when you come to stop next to Jaehyun at the bus stop.

“Are you going to apply for cheerleading team?”

“She is not.” Answers Jaehyun forcefully and annoyance hits you. Hard. But Jaehyun is relentlessly staring at you. “And she is not going to the Regionals.”

You want to fight him, but as of now it’s true.

“Oh. I thought… That since Yangju is going…” You focus your attention on Juhyuk, finally able to get annoyed at him. Because you so want him rubbing salt in your wounds. “She’s been leaving for school early these days to prepare for it.”

“Good for her.” You say, not managing to keep caustic note out of your voice. Juhyuk narrows his eyebrows at you, but you ignore him, because you can see the bus. You push your way to the bus, to stand as far as possible from the boys.

*

In school you have your heart in your throat. While going to your class you see the try-out list, still with space to write your name. You slow down while passing it, but you don’t grab the pen, speeding up, trying to run away from this problem.

The whole first period you spend battling yourself on this problem. During the break you run away to toilet as soon as Bora turns around to excitedly chat about the try-outs.

You don’t want to do it, nor you want to be the only one staying.

You pass by the list two more times.

But you don’t write your name in.

*

Bora gets chosen. But she can’t celebrate in face of the tragedy of Hyesu not getting chosen. It’s a evening’s emergency – you get message from Bora describing what happened and asking for help in cheering Hyesu up. You are already back at home, but when a friend is in need, you go.

You meet Yangju at the bus stop. You are still torn about her – the part when she didn’t tell you about her going to Regionals. Except for you two the bus stop is empty, lone lamp illuminating dark street.

“Bora said Hyesu is hysterical,” says Yangju and you can imagine. Hyesu was always the most emotional and weak in terms of coping with failure. “I bet she really wants to go.”

“Well, when all of her friends are going…” You say, not being able to keep the bitterness out of your voice. Yangju focuses on you.

“I thought you didn’t want to go.” She says carefully. As if she thought it to be true, but something kept telling her otherwise, and now she was being confronted with the fact that she was wrong all along.

“Because I didn’t.” You say pointedly. When Yangju doesn’t react you sigh. “I didn’t because I’m not into school spirit. But it’s different when everyone is going.”

“Not everyone, it’s like 20 people without team players…”

“Oh, great, it’s better, because it’s such an elite club.” You scoff and you see in Yangju’s eyes that she finally understands. It’s not about going – it’s about not being left out. “Look at our squad -  I thought that only Taejun would be going, since he is in the team. But now Bora, you and even Jaemin is going. Jaemin!”

“Yeah, but Hyesu is not going…”

“And it’s killing her,” you counter and sigh. ”Look, I would be totally ok with not going, happy even – if you weren’t going. But now when Jaehyun decides to tease me about, and we both know he will, it’s going to hurt even more.”

You fall silent, and move to the edge of the pavement – you can see the bus coming.

“I could not go?” Says Yangju quietly.

“Please.” You scoff and enter the bus that has just come to stop in front of you. Yangju slides on the seat next to you, still silent.

Just two stops before BomBom she speaks up.

“You know team is going to need photographer.” You give her a side glance. She shrugs. “You are good at taking photos.”

The excitement explodes in your gut. Well, yes, you are not bad at taking photos, and yes, team would need a photographer and it’s a great way to secure your spot on the Regionals. But your excitement disappears as quickly as it appeared.

“Tell that to Hyesu. I will manage.”

“Are you sure…?” Presses Yangju, and you feel bad for deciding to speak about it.

“No, I am not. I want to go, but I will live – for Hyesu it’s more pressing matter.”

*

So, it’s decided. You are the only one in your squad is not going. Hyesu bursting in tears and laughter while hearing about another possibility soothes you a little, but it still hurts. Your friends are all excited when leaving BomBom – even Jaemin shows a little anticipation.

Most of the basketball team is on the bus stop, having just finished practice.

“Good work!” Says Bora to them, already living up to her new position.

“Congrats on making the team!” You are sure it would be Jeho or Taejun – but it’s Jaehyun. Even in the dark you can see Bora’s bright smile.

You look away, uncomfortable. To make it worse the group starts talking about the ferry and how it’s going to be amazing.

“So…” You hear on your side, and you are not surprised to see Juhyuk. “Do you know what will you take with you?”

You raise your eyebrows. There is playfulness in his eyes that tells you more than he probably wants to convey. But you still need to check one thing before you can surely say that Juhyuk is a manipulator.

“What will I take with me?” You ask with a hint of surprise with your voice. Juhyuk’s face shows that he doesn’t follow you.

“To the Regionals…?” His eyes are searching your face, and you smile at him mockingly. “Aren’t you going as a photographer?”

You are 90% sure that it’s Juhyuk who is behind photographers idea. Maybe he just said that dismissively to Yangju over dinner or something, and she remembered it as soon as you exploded. Maybe he was the one that made her unsure about your feelings towards not going.

“No, Hyesu is.” You say, pointing to your friend, now excitedly chatting with Taejun and Jeho. Juhyuk’s face falls. You look around making sure that one is focusing on you two. “And do not ever again use Yangju to get what you want.”

You are actually threatening Yangju’s brother, but the shine in his eyes tells you that you are right. That Juhyuk is not as innocent as he plays to be.

*

Two weeks later you are sitting on the couch watching some reality show, when your parents are getting ready to drive Jaehyun to the harbor. He spent all morning annoying the fuck out of you, to the point your mother stopped scolding you for flipping him off.

It’s five days. In five days he will be back to annoy you again – but for the five days you are free. Free to think how much fun they have on the mainland.

Five days and few more of teasing, and your month-long nightmare is going to end. It was so hard to spend time with your friends, because there was no other topic than their excursion. Even the quiet and level-headed ones (namely Yangju and Jaemin) were showing signs of excitement. You were actually relieved when Yangju invited you over, because you hoped that at least alone she’ll refrain from talking about it. She couldn’t. She asked you to help her with choosing clothes, and checking on the lyrics for chants, and you understand that. You are best friends, and she is excited, and you are happy for her – but for how long can you suffer so people around you don’t feel uncomfortable? So you started to spend less time with them, not to be a burden.

Which lead to you feeling even more alone. It is a quite vicious circle, but it’s not a one you can break on your own. You put yourself in that position, but nonetheless indifference of your friends hurt.

Ten minutes after you are left alone in the house your phone rings. You don’t recognize the number, and you consider it for a moment before answering.

“Yes?”

“I am sorry.” Even through the phone you recognize Juhyuk’s voice. You swallow pressing the phone closer to your ear and turning down volume on the TV. His voice is really quiet, and you are not sure whether you heard correctly.

After your threat Juhyuk stopped waiting for you in the mornings, hurrying Jaehyun along (which really pleased your brother), distancing himself from you one again. You started getting accustomed to his presence being on-and-off. But since you also distanced yourself from Yangju you were missing both of them.

“I just really wanted you to come with us.”

“Why?” You ask, feeling how your stomach churns. You can hear the wind on his side on the connection. He is probably already in the harbor.

“Because I wanted you with us.” He says pointedly, but voice small. You know what he is trying to say, you were starting to suspect it some time ago. But if he isn’t enough of a man to say that you are not going to help him.

“But why?” You press, maybe sadistically. He laughs incredulously.

“Because I like you.” He says quietly. You bite your lip, eyes closing. It’s always nice to hear that you are liked. You exhale through your nose, realizing that he is waiting for you to say something.

“I like you too, Junior.” It leaves you with a shield, but it annoys him, it gets him angry, and you bring one of the pillows on the sofa to your chest as you listen to him.

“No. It’s not like that! I don’t want you to like me as Yangju’s brother, or lovely junior, or Jaehyun’s friend. I have fallen for you, and I… I want you to see me as a man.” He is passionate, and it warms you up – you can feel your cheeks flushing. But at the same time you start getting anxious.

“I know.” You say, because you don’t know how to respond. “Now go and win.”

You hang up and throw your phone away with undignified shriek, as if it was burning your hand.

What have you done.

What have you done?

[thong-in-the-twist]

Downtown Throw II

Author’s note: the more I write, the more I’m sure I don’t know how to do fluffy.

It’s not PG. This part.

Part I

Bell is your savior. It became awkward, since you all have fallen silent, sitting stiffly on the couch – you even pushed yourself flat against the armrest to avoid touching Juhyuk. It isn’t that conscious, but you do know what you are doing, no reason for you to deny. But pizza is there and the thought of mouth-watering cheesy goodness makes you all excited. Boy jumps to his feet and Yangju spins in her seat, coiling herself as if she was a snake, instructing her brother where money left by their mother is. You can tell that Juhyuk knows it just as well as Yangju does, but he says nothing, and you have to admit – you are impressed. If it was you and Jaehyun, bickering would never end.

Juhyuk opens the door with a full, excited, swing.

“Yo. Wanna play basketball or something?” Why? Just why? Why did you have to think about your brother?

“Oh.” Surprised Juhyuk is so eloquent. “ I kinda just ordered pizza, so… But come in and eat with us.”

“Go home, Jaehyun!” You yell across the room, startling Juhyuk and amusing Yangju, who snorts under her nose. But your brother is already inside, taking off his shoes.

“Piss off, would you?” He mutters, proving your thesis about your usual bickering. Juhyuk looks down at him (you are so sure, so, so, sure that your brother hates that Juhyuk can look down on him), eyebrows furrowed and the difference in their personalities is striking. Somehow you can tell that Juhyuk wouldn’t swear at his sister. “Hi, Yangju.”

Your friend raises her eyebrows at you, for all you know they have never met, but she greets him nonetheless.

“How about you play  Fifa or whatever upstairs until pizza arrives?” It’s a good suggestion and you second it with all your heart, but neither of boys looks happy about it. “What? It’s not like you don’t like games, Juhyuk? You can go out and play basketball for all I care.”

There is a shine in your brother’s eyes at that and you can tell that he is stoked at the prospect of shooting few hoops all whatever else they do with a ball, but he is somewhat unhappy. It hits you: he doesn’t want to do it, because it’s Yangju proposed it and since she is your friend he refuses to accept the idea. What a dumbass.

Juhyuk shifts on his legs and looks anxious, but his shoulders sag.

“Ok.” He says in the end and goes upstairs, probably to fetch ball. Sure enough, he comes back holding it in one hand, long fingers splayed on it’s rough surface, fingertips straining to hold it, even if he tries to make it effortless.

It’s one of those stupid things guys do show off. You glance at Yangju with your eyebrow raised, but she is focused on the screen.

“Poser.” Snickers Jaehyun, and you hear a thump – so you glance back at the doors, where your brother is laughing, now being the one in possession of the ball. You don’t see Yangju’s brother, because he is already out of the doors.

Delivery guy arrives just in time – exactly when final credits roll in. And just a second before the bell sounds, Juhyuk and Jaehyun bust the door, having seen delivery scooter parking in front of the house. Juhyuk pays and grabs boxes, and swiftly, but quite elegantly, forces his way on the couch between you and Yangju, leaving Jaehyun to sit on the armchair.

No one is going to complain about this arrangement.

You all throw yourself on the pizzas, as if you were starving. You stuff yourself in silence, until first hunger is satisfied.

Juhyuk slouches back on the sofa, moaning over pepperoni, and Jaehyun laughs at him. You observe your brother noticing that he is not as obnoxious as he is at home.

Why?

“By the way, dude, are you going to Jeho’s party?” Asks Juhyuk between bites, and you lock eyes with Yangju over him and you both burst in laughter. Jaehyun scoffs. “What?”

“I came here to have fun, and I’m feeling so attacked right now.” Whines your brother, and Yangju starts laughing louder, and you raise your eyebrows, sincerely surprised. Jaehyun catches your questioning stare and he shrugs, embarrassed at your reaction. Only then you laugh.

Did Juhyuk say something to your brother? Why he is nearly likeable suddenly?

“I don’t get it.” Says Yangju’s brother, and now even Jaehyun laughs.

“Our parents,” you start to say, while Jaehyun pips in with mother. You nod, acknowledging that. “Our mother can be quite strict, and poor Jaehyun can’t go if I don’t go.”

“And since siblings are there to be a massive pain in the ass to each other, she is holding it over me.” You shrug, but you know that your smile is big, bright and blinding. And mischievous.

“Oh.” Seems like Juhyuk understood. Yangju bends to grab another piece of pizza and Jaehyun pushes box to her. What is happening. “Aren’t you going?”

It takes you a second, before you understand that he is talking to you. You drag your lower lip against your teeth, not really knowing what to answer. You are going, but you don’t want to finish your game with your brother, and you are not sure what you want to tell Juhyuk. Nor what he wants to hear. You are not even sure whether you want to tell him what he wants to hear.

“I guess if I ask nicely.” Jaehyun muses in, and you glance at him. As soon as your eyes lock, he puts his hands together. “Please?”

You let out an incredulous laugh, and shake your hand. Yangju shrugs at you and that is definitely not helping.

“Yeah. I’ll go. Since I am a benevolent goddess.”

Juhyuk and Jaehyun high five.

What.

*

You walk back with Jaehyun, and you stop to buy more ice-cream. You observe him in the corner of your eye as he wolves down his shark ice cream.

“What.” He snaps at you after a moment, and it sound more like your brother.

“I was just wondering what the fuck happened to you back at Nam’s.” You say truthfully. You know that is the only way to get answers. Honesty is always disarming.

He shrugs, posing to be indifferent.

“Nothing special.”

“Bullshit.”

He says nothing, and you fall silent as well. You keep thinking about their high five. It seems like they planned the whole thing. It seems like they backed you into a corner intentionally, just to make sure you do what they want. And you don’t like it.

“It’s just…” Jaehyun is talking, and you immediately focus on him. “Juhyuk said this one thing to me, that kinda made me think.”

You are not going to laugh at made me think part. Not when he is sheding light on what happened. But he stops there.

“What did he say to you?” You press as he opens doors to your apartment.

“You know. That you can catch more flies with honey.” He leaves it at that and just goes to kitchen with the rest of ice cream. He sounded so sincere. He made it simple.

But it wasn’t.

To your brother being nice was a shortcut to his goal. It was quite shortsighted and you are quite sure that he will be back to his asshole ways in no time.

But what if for Juhyuk it was a way to live?

*

Friday rolls around quicker than you thought it would. Maybe because everybody (that matters) talk about Jeho’s party. It’s the first one in this year, back to school party, and debutante ball for those first years that grabbed attention of their superiors.

Which meant Jaehyun was even bigger asshole than usual. You felt bad for his classmates, since you caught him gushing about the fact that he was invited. You happened to be walking by his class, where he was sitting in the middle back row, with Juhyuk silently sitting next to him, talking about rumors from previous years.

“… and Jeho has a hot tub, and like…” You can see him talking excitedly to a group of boys intently listening to him, and you catch face of girl in the front row that seems to be uncomfortable overhearing that. And you believe it’s your job to protect girls from your brother.

So you stop in the open doors, and Juhyuk is the first one to spot you. He pats Jaehyun’s shoulder to grab his attention, but you are already speaking.

“…and we won’t let first year in – you’d probably immediately pop a boner, and we don’t want to sit in your jizz.” His friends are laughing, of course they are laughing, they are hormonal little shits, but your brother is so red that you fear that he might get a heatstroke. He jumps from his seat and pushes you out of the class.

You catch one of the boys asking who you are, and Juhyuk’s Jaehyun’s sister, she’s a senior, and collective she’s quite hot. Well, they might be hormonal little shits, but they get points for that.

“Why the fuck did you do that!” Jaehyun nags you in a hushed voice. You wring yourself out of his hold, and cross your arms on your chest.

“Because you are being an ass, and it’s my job to get you down on earth.”

“By humiliating me?!”

“By any means necessary.”

After that episode you noticed that few of freshmen started to try to greet you in the corridors. And Jaehyun went into hiding, because you didn’t hear anymore shit from him.

But the night came, and you are staring to have doubts about the whole thing. Especially after the long (and boring) talk you got from your mother about how Jaehyun is underage and how you have to make sure he is not going to drink.

Which means you will have to make sure that he doesn’t die at the party, and you are not happy about that.

Jaehyun stumbles out of his room oozing of cologne (your father’s, but you can let it slide – it’s nice fragrance), sporting criminally tight jeans, white shirt with his jersey number (how tacky is that) and olive bomber jacket.

But he is the one to be surprised when he sees you.

“What the fuck…” He muses, and looks at you with a hint of annoyance in his eyes. You know you look fly as fuck, and in fact his words were a compliment.

“Junior, make sure not to embarrass me there, or it will be your last party.” You only say, and walk out not waiting for him.

Yangju and Juhyuk are waiting for you at the corner. She sees Jaehyun and immediately gives you a knowing look, but you don’t get it until you see Juhyuk. He is wearing tight as fuck jeans, loose striped shirt and olive bomber jacket.

Boys.

“Did you coordinated your outfits?” Asks Yangju incredulous, and they asses each other.

“It’s wrong?” Asks Juhyuk, and Yangju shakes her head.

“Scratch that, it doesn’t matter. Let’s go.”

You hook your elbow with her and you lead the way, boys falling in step behind you, discussing their outfits in shushed voices. Both you and your best friend snort silently, and focus on walking to the main street. It will be easier to catch taxi there.

Juhyuk is the one to hail it, maybe because he is the biggest, but he kind of surges to the first one flashing empty. To your utter disappointment Yangju calls the shotgun, so you have to slide on the backseat after Jaehyun – the smallest one has to seat in the middle. You are squished between two basketball players, and Yangju is flashing you amused smile from the front seat the whole ride.

Jeho’s family is loaded. Everybody knows that and Jeho likes to go around advertising it – his live is easier when people know that. And you know that he is a posh twat, but if you know how to handle him he can be quite entertaining.

Their house is out of the city, with beautiful sea view and it’s private beach, which didn’t stop the family from building the pool on their property.  But overall the house itself is hard to look at, it’s one of those futuristic nightmares when architect couldn’t decide on one style and sort of mixed various styles together. The whole thing has more glass windows than walls, but at the same time there are Greek style columns on the entrance, and roof looks a little bit like roof of American barn.

It’s not your first time witnessing this monstrosity, but Jaehyun and Juhyuk look positively stunned.

Yangju turns aroud.

“Ok, guys, close your mouths and for fuck’s sake try not to embarrass us tonight.”

*

Those parties are always wild, and always juvenile. But no wonder here, it’s very unique opportunity for all the guests: go wild without parents watching? No one is going to forgo that. Especially not when they know there is alcohol included in this deal. Only this year some of you crossed the magical line: it’s first time Jeho could legally buy alcohol (you missed his birthday party while outside of the island, and from what you heard it was legendary. You have to admit you are quite happy that you weren’t able to attend. Anything deemed legendary by Taejun is something to avoid at all costs).

Party is already in full swing, having started few hours later. Yangju grabs your hand and drags you closer to whisper in your ear.

“Juhyuk wanted to come on time.” She says conspiratorially, and you can’t stop yourself from snickering as you glance at him.

He raises his eyebrows questioningly, but his ears are already turning red.

You ignore him, because Jaemin is sitting on veranda surrounded by group of sophomore/junior girls, stringing on one of Jeho’s guitars (you once asked Jeho about this, since from what you knew he couldn’t play guitar and he said that he knows exactly six songs – enough to pick up girls: Smoke on the Water, Firefly by Owl City, Wonderwall, Wagon Wheel, Eyes,Nose,Lips by Taeyang and Marry Me by Gu Yunhee – which you think is a toplist for any douchebag, it does work). You don’t recognize melody, so you gather he is either playing an original or one of his obscure indie songs. He stops to greet you and Yangju, younger girls watching you with rapt attention.

“Be careful he has already started giving out his special drinks.” Jaemin says instead of greetings, but it a fair warning. Jeho likes to mix all kinds of alcohol with energy drinks and give it to unsuspecting guests, calling it Getafix’s magic potion. It is magic, it gives you a night of your life and instant black out. You know the drill, but with two greenhorns you’ll have to be careful.

“Do not, I repeat, do not drink anything that Jeho hands you.” You say, turning around on your heel. Juhyuk nods, but you can see a flash of rebelliousness in Jaehyun’s eyes.” Jaehyun, no. I know you are going to drink, and I just ask you to pour your own drinks. If I catch you, drinking Jeho’s drink, I will instantly drag you out to hospital for gastric pumping, and I will call mom as we are at it.”

“I am not a kid.” He whines annoyed.

“No, but you are just stupid.” Sing songs Yangju, and she pushes you into the house. Music is too loud for anything, and once again you are surprise how well they soundproofed the building. Yangju drags you down the hall by your hand, not caring what boys will do. You arrived at the party, and that’s where you vowed to stop taking care of them. But you know that at least until they get to know the ropes, they will follow you around like love-sick puppies.

You push through the crowd in the living room into even bigger crowd in the kitchen. That’s where the food and alcohol is, so it’s obvious everybody would be there. You see Jeho mixing something in a big pot, and giving some sophomore a sip from the ladle. He really goes for this Getafix concept.

“Girls!” He sing-songs, seeing you, and waving you with a ladle. “Oh, and I see that it’s family night! Have fun tonight kiddos! Don’t throw up on my mother’s sofa!”

That’s it with greetings, and you pour you and Yangju beer – but you are not quick enough. Taejun appears with bottle of vodka and forces the four of you to drink welcome shots. You do and you observe guys curiously. They try not to squint, but they do. You laugh, and with Yangju you disappear in the crowd.

It’s the usual. You drink, you dance, you laugh with people you know, you sometimes have to escape from the room, when something dangerous starts to happening, but overall the night is good. Hyesu joins you, and Bora is on and off – having fun with you and with sophomores.

You dance few times with Taejun, splitting evenly with Yangju. Once or twice you find yourself in Jeho’s embrace, and for the dick he is, it’s nice to dance with him. You rest your legs in the infamous hot tub, and lounge next to the pool.

You are buzzing and dancing in the living room, when Jeho (already drunk) turns off the music. The protest is more deafening than music was, but he climbs on the coffee table, ignoring hooting.

“Ok, guys! Dancing is great and stuff, but nothing is happening and if no one makes out at my party I’m going to be too embarrassed to show my face at school!” He howls, and there are isolated screams in the air answering him. You join them with as if! and Bora laughs hysterically. Jeho salutes you with a playful smile, and you answer the same. “Anyway, gather my young padawans, we are going to play spin the bottle.”

“What are we? In junior high?” Somebody protests, and Jeho waves his hand dismissively.

“Somebody has been watching Riverdale!” Screams Taejun and Jeho waves his hand again.

“Ok, that is a valid accusation, it’s an amazing show, so fight me, but! It’s old school! Let’s do old school! And I pay for alcohol, so I get to decide!”

No one can argue with that, so soon enough you are sitting in the circle (at least some of the you – those who were outside during Jeho’s speech are still mostly outside, and some refused to play).

“Jaemin! Come here!” You can hear Jeho howling, and girl around you straighten, looking excited. You exchange glances with Yangju, you know there is no way in hell Jaemin would take part in this game, it’s below him.

But he enter the room, begrudgingly, and Jeho pushes stopwatch in his hand.

“Ok! Rules! Jaemin is our judge…”

“What is he going to judge? Our technique?”

“… and we are playing with stopwatch! Jaemin will be the first one to spin the bottle, the person that gets chosen spins it again, and as soon as bottle makes its choice they have five seconds to hug. If they don’t manage, they have next 5 seconds for a peck. Again if they don’t manage they have next 7 second for French kiss. If they don’t manage… Well, my cupboard is already cleaned out!” He laughs and sits heavily on the couch.

Jaemin sighs, but comes to the table where empty vodka bottle is. He picks it up.

“Remember, five seconds for a hug, ten second mark for a peck, seventeen seconds for French kiss, and after that there is heaven waiting for you.”

And he spins the bottle.

It’s funny to watch – people launching from their places as soon as the bottle stops, especially when two guys end together – to give each other the hug in time. Yangju managed to hug Jeho (because he was sitting next to her, and he wasn’t so happy about it) and scored peck with junior girl. Jaehyun (who came in with Juhyuk after first few rounds) was delighted, because he got pecked three times by two different sophomore girls and one senior. Juhyuk and Taejun were forced to peck among howls and laughter.

“How come no one ended in my cupboard, yet?!” Whines Jeho, as Taejun spins the bottle – the last victim. And finally for the first time this night it comes to stop in front of you. There are howls and laughter, and you spin it again, already ready to jump.

For a horrifying second you think it will stop in front of your brother, that would be really creepy. But it doesn’t. It slowly roll along, slowing in front of Juhyuk. You can’t believe your bad luck, when he looks up at you. There is something in his eyes, probably alcohol.

Bottle stops in front of Taejun.

You laugh, and move to jump across the table, but Jeho launches himself between you and Taejun. You scream, and people around you start laughing.

“Five seconds.” You hear Jaemin, and for the first time this night he seems to be enjoying himself. You see Taejun above Jeho’s shoulder, trying to get around him, and you see Yangju and Bora laughing their asses off. You are going to get them later for that.

To your utter annoyance you see Jaehyun holding Taejun back, and you are going to kill the little shit later.

“Ten seconds.” Jeho is on the table, bottle already on the floor, you are also on the table, trying to reach Taejun over Jeho, and your friend is also fighting. More guys from basketball team jump to stop you. Suddenly he lounges forward, all the guys surprised and losing their balance, and your hands are on Taejun’s face, as you try to go for a kiss.

“Seventeen seconds.” Celebrating howl is so fucking loud. You were so close! With that surprising push forward you nearly made it. Basketball team is congratulating themselves and patting Taejun’s back as you sit on the table mere millimeters from each other. He mouths sorry at you, and you just laugh.

It’s not his fault.

Jeho is so happy you fear he might explode, as he stands up and shows you and Taejun a way.

He opens cupboard for you, and you slide in with the accompaniment of lewd howls and roars, Taejun is right behind you. As the door close you see the room looking at you, with basketball team still in place, rooting for Taejun, and Juhyuk standing just behind them, not really celebrating. To think about it, he is in a perfect place for a person to push his gathered team forward, as it happened when you were trying to kiss Taejun.

The thought is out of your mind when the doors close.

“You know, no one will know, so you don’t have to…” He says, and you scoff surging forward. If it’s between kissing him and listening to him talk drunkenly for 7 minutes, you are going to make out with him.

And you are going to enjoy it.

And you actually are. Taejun is very enthusiastic, dedicated kisser. It’s a pleasure to be kissed by him, you only have to keep track of his wandering hands – but the thing is, as soon as you grab them and pry them away from the parts of your body they are not welcomed at, he doesn’t try again.

It’s surprising how polite he is.

Time is out in a flash, and doors swing open without any warning. Of course there is no warning, they wanted to catch you red-handed and  they did. This time they are even louder, more rowdy, as Taejun helps you out of the cupboard.

He wants to say something, but you just pat his cheek and walk past him to your place. Yangju is up, before you can sit down, dragging you away. Most of people focus on Taejun, because he is the one that scored. Jaehyun is watching you with squinted eyes, and Juhyuk just watches.

You decide to ignore it – you feel to buzzed to put up with your brother’s shit.

You mostly dance the rest of the night, not really paying attention to what happened. Thankfully for you two more pairs end up in the cupboard, so you are not going to be singled out on Monday. Around three in the morning, you decide to call it a night. Yangju agrees and you go for a hunt for your brothers. You find Jaehyun in the kitchen, obviously upset.

“Where is Juhyuk?” You ask him, as soon as you see him.

“The fuck I know, I am not his nanny.” He says and you roll your eyes. Party is mostly down, people to gone to do anything really.

“We are going.” He shrugs and you grab his wrist, and drag him along to find the other boy. The thing is: you cannot find him, and Jaehyun is not helping at all, sulking and murmuring something under his breath. He is drunk, that’s for sure, but who isn’t? But he is not a gracious drunk.

Yangju is getting anxious.

“Do you think he went home alone?” She asks you with a scarred voice, and you realize she is more gone than you thought. You stopped drinking after the game, but she didn’t, and it’s taking its toll.

“No, he didn’t. Go out with Jaehyun and hail taxi, ok? I will find Juhyuk.” You say, pushing them together in the right direction. Jaehyun sees that  Yangju is losing it, so he takes her hand and lead the way.

For once he is useful.

You search everywhere on the ground floor, but he is not there, so you try upstairs. There are a lot of people making out, and you think that Jeho won’t have to embarrassed on Monday, but you see no sight of Juhyuk, unless…

You go back on your footsteps, paying attention to pairs making out – and sure enough you catch Bora and Juhyuk in room that seems to be master bedroom.

“Well, guys, I’d hate to be a party pooper, but Juhyuk, we gotta go.” You say, grabbing Bora by her shoulders and helping her off Juhyuk. She whines something, but rolls around and rests on the bed. From the look of it, she is not going to remember it. You straighten her clothes and wipe the lipstick off her face.

Juhyuk is sitting on the edge of the bed, his shoulders sagged, and he seems properly wasted. After taking care of Bora you turn your attention to him. You flatten his hair, and straighten his clothes, wiping Bora’s lipstick off his face.

Your hands on his skin seems to wake him up, because he abruptly looks up at you, stare heated.

“C’mon, big boy, we are going home.” You say to him, helping him up to his legs. Next you help Bora stand which is harder, you have to hold her the whole time.

Like that you go down together, Juhyuk sitting on the stairs every few steps and you have to plead with him to walk. You find Hyesu and Jaemin downstairs, and they come to your rescue. Together you walk out, where you see Yangju sitting on the ground crying, and Jaehyun totally exasperated with her.

He sees you, and you’ve never seen him so happy to see you.

“Oh, god, thank you!” You never thought you will hear him say something like this to you.

In the end Hyesu, Bora and Jaemin take the first taxi that you manage to stop. When finally you hail the second one, Yangju (still crying and you have no idea why) calls shotgun, and Jaehyun slides in the back. You take your middle seat and Juhyuk hits his head while trying to get in – you didn’t think about that.

During the ride he just sprawls across your lap, and Jaehyun looks utterly disgusted by that. He says nothing when you get off, he says nothing when Yangju drags Juhyuk away, and he says nothing when you walk to your apartment.

Only when he kicks off his shoes, he turns to you, furious, and says:

“You are a whore.” And after that he closes himself in his room.

You roll your eyes, not able to take offence. He is also drunk.

You go into your room and pass out on the bed.

*

Taejun calls the party close-to-legendary­. No one can stop themselves from pointing out that he calls it like that because he made out with you. And he doesn’t deny. On the other hand you just laugh at every accolade thrown your way, focused on keeping your relation with Taejun as it was. Because you were both drunk and having fun, and really nothing should change.

After two first, quite easy, weeks school caught up to you, and instead of partying you had to focus on studying. You started spending a lot of time in library and if you wanted to study in group at BomBom’s. After first month you stopped sitting in the garden, just like basketball moved their practice inside.

You also saw less of Jaehyun, the team was really focused on winning something this year, so they practice hours were endless. You don’t know whether he forgot about calling you a whore, but the topic didn’t come out, so you weren’t dwelling on that. You also weren’t sure whether Juhyuk remembered making out with Bora – because she sure as hell didn’t.

 *

It’s ridiculous how comfortable you feel at Yangju’s house. And dangerous as well.

You just walk in, and kick your shoes off taking the jacket off, to see Yangju’s mother when you straighten. She is putting her coat on, and looks at you half incredulous half amused.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Mrs…”

“Yangju, your friends is here!” She calls to her daughter and you hear rustling in the kitchen. “And she apparently lives here.” She adds on with a teasing note in her voice, and just like that she is out of the house.

You still feel a little embarrassed, when you enter the kitchen, where Yangju is cooking something – you have no idea what. She gives you a knowing smile above the cutting board, and you decide to ignore her, and you sit on the stool.

“All the parasites are out, so it will be only us for dinner.” She says and you laugh, as you watch how her hands move as she holds the knife. From what you understand she is the one that usually cooks in their house.

“So Juhyuk is out for the night?” You ask indifferently, as she tries to cut the vein out of meat. Is it chicken? It’s probably chicken.

She uses a little too much force and her arm snaps, knife shaking dangerously.

“I think so, I haven’t seen him all day.” Fair enough –young star of basketball team should be out on Friday’s night. Hell both you and Yangju used to be out every Friday – except now everybody expected you to be studying every Friday’s night. Not that you did anyway.

She whips out mindblowing cheesy-chicken pasta and you swoon in your seat while eating it. You even get yourself a second helping shutting up that half of you that tries to count calories. You eat as usual, watching some stupid rom-com in the living room.

Somewhere during your meal room gets colder. It’s autumn, so days are no longer as warm as they used to be, but it’s not yet cold enough to put on heating, so in buildings it can get quite chilly. You whine to your friend about that and she gives you a stinky eye.

“It’s not like you don’t know where the blankets are.” She says, nudging your side with her elbow.

You sigh – it’s a golden rule of the house, only one person can touch the air-con, and it’s Yangju’s father. You threaten her with your fist, but you stand up, hearing laughter behind you. You feel quite drowsy with all the food you’ve eaten, and your body is heavy when you go up the stairs. Blankets are stored in cupboard next to the bathroom door at the end of the corridor. To get there you have to walk past Yangju’s room and Juhyuk’s.

You tell yourself you shouldn’t. It’s a private space, a temple, you shouldn’t desecrate it. And it’s not like you feel a need to go to Jaehyun’s room. Hell, you’d do anything not to enter that cave, and yet, you feel so drawn to closed doors of Juhyuk’s room.

It wouldn’t hurt, right? You’ll take a quick look, and check whether all the boys are the same, check how room of the basketball star looks like.

The handle is cold when you grab it, and it makes you hesitate. But in the end you crack it slowly open.

You can a room with dark red walls and unmade bed under slanted window, covered with blue and ecru checkered bedding. There are some clothes thrown all over the floor and stack of sports magazines next to the bed, array of chargers on the night stand. There is old wooden wardrobe in the corner with old, dusted over boxes on top of it, and on the walls there are old posters: old school Queen’s poster and equally iconic Michael Jordan’s poster – no wonder there. Your eyes find signed System of a Down photo unsticking from the wall ,and you smile, wondering how much it cost.

Doors open a little bit more and you see a big cluttered desk with swivel leather chair, old enough to show stuffing inside, probably hand-down from Yangju.

Juhyuk is sitting in the chair.

Terrified.

There is one of those old school magazines in his hand resting on his knee, and your mind goes back to the stack of sports magazines. His body is shifted and it’s obvious that before you opened the doors he was facing away from them.

He just turned around to see what’s happening, and now you see the head of his cock peaking over the pages, and beginning of his knuckles encircling his shaft.

You shut the door.

You are not sure how you make it down the stairs, but you can’t even get to the living room. You are embarrassed out of your mind, and as soon as you see your shoes, you just go for them. The excuse you shout to Yangju is nonsense, and you know that, but you can’t help it. You grab your jacket, and you are out of the doors, before you even put it on.

Cold wind is blowing into your burning face, and it cools you, but it doesn’t help. You are on the verge of running all the way to your apartment.

When you enter you kick your shoes off ignoring Jaehyun, who tries to say something to you, and not taking off your jacket, you just shut yourself in your room, locking the doors. The mere action reminds you of a scene you’ve just witnessed, of the guy that didn’t do it. The guy that you caught with his dick red and glistening in his hand.

You slide down, your knees shaky, your jacket rolling up on the wood.

You feel hot and dirty.

And aroused.

You are aroused. And you know that. And you know that it’s fault of the scene you saw. And it’s wrong, and you know that as well. It’s so wrong. But your hand goes down to your crotch. You shut your eyes, as your hand pushes against your labia obstructed by jeans and underwear – you can feel the pressure, but it’s not enough. It’s not good enough. Your neck is hot, your face is burning and you know it’s wrong, but you can’t stop yourself.

You try not to think about him. He’s Yangju’s brother, Jaehyun’s friend, fresh faced first year, but the face that appears behind your closed eyelids is unmistakable.

You pop the button of your jeans open, but you don’t have any more patience left, and your hand slides into your underwear.

You know it’s wrong, but it’s his voice in your mind, deep, but still boyishly hesitant, that tells you to just go on with it. It’s his voice that tells you that your underwear is soaked. And that you are so ready for him.

In your mind it’s his finger that breaches you. It's his finger that you engulf in your warmth. It's his finger that swirls around probing the walls, curious, as he should be - in the end it's his first time here.

In your mind you are sure: he would be hesitant and shy, but despite his ears burning bright red, he would be focused on his task. He would be intent and thorough and so infuriatingly slow.

In your mind you know: he would feel her walls, his long finger sliding along them. And you know that if your breath hitched like it did just now, he'd look up at you, his eyes wide open in wonder, and he would be close enough for you to see the imperfection’s of his skin. You’d be able to metaphorically count his lashes.

And in your mind, he would kiss you. Tentatively. Innocently. Like a boy going for his first kiss. But that would be an act, because he wouldn’t be innocent. Not with his hand wet and slick from your fluids. And he'd push the second finger in along the first one, and he'd crook them up like he saw in lewd gestures so many times before.

In your mind it would go for hours, but it could be minutes just as well. In your mind it all comes to a blur. Would he tease you along the way, would he find your clitoris, would he suck marks into your skin, would he even know how to? Would his dick strain his pants, would he rut his hips, would he take it out, would you get him off?

In your mind it doesn’t matter.

You come with your fingers deep inside.

And his face behind your eyelids.

About song list: I included song I believe to be true in western culture, and two songs from Korean culture that are true. If you ever find yourself in noraebang with Korean guy trying to impress you, you can bet that he will sing those (if he can sing obviously, but most of them do - they spend hours in coin-karaoke places practicing). Believe me, been there, checked that.

And about Getafix’s magic potion - it’s a thing among Polish students: you make it in a pot mixing together 1l of vodka, three beers, 1l of cheap champaigne, 0,5l of raspberry juice and 1l energy drink. Served cold. Costs around: $10 to make 5l of this shit and one glass it enough to knock us out(you know Poles like to drink and we can hold our drinks very well).

[thong-in-the-twist]

Downtown Throw VI

In basketball throw from downtown is a throw well outside three-point line. Nam Juhyuk x you

Part I II III IV V VI VII

You try to play it down. With yourself. You try to tell yourself that it’s not a big deal to go out with Juhyuk, and that you don’t have to prepare yourself or anything like that.

But you end up spending all morning getting ready. Nothing fits, nothing looks right, nothing looks just effortless. Somewhere in the middle of doing your makeup, you throw a fit and take it all off to begin once more.

It annoys the shit out of you.

Also packing takes you longer than you’d like – because you don’t know what you should take with you. Small tote bag? Backpack? Shoulder bag? What would fit you? What do you need to bring?

And why do you care so much when it’s only Juhyuk?

In the evening you messaged him to make sure he won’t come to your place to get you – you don’t want Jaehyun getting suspicious. Hell, you don’t want anyone to see the two of you together. It’s not something you could explain. He agreed to meet at the bus stop, and that’s something you can live with. It’s not an anonymous place, but at least it’s not “right-in-the-face”.

There is a knock on your doors and Jaehyun walks in, not waiting for you to answer.

“Are you going out?” He asks, and you stare at him in silence. He shrugs as if he didn’t see what’s the problem.” Whatever, I just wanted to ask if you are going to BomBom tonight?”

That’s new.

“Why?” You ask suspiciously. Jaehyun is not the one to ask such a thing if he didn’t have a certain goal in his mind.

“It doesn’t concern you. Just tell me,” he groans, shaking his head, and now he has your full attention. His attitude is fishy.

“It’s Sunday, we don’t go there on Sundays,” you say slowly. Jaehyun came home half an hour ago and immediately closed himself in the bathroom. Bathroom part wasn’t unusual – he came from the practice, but the fact he didn’t announce himself nor did he talk about the training was suspicious.

Which topped with his question started to clarify the situation in your mind.

“Fuck,” he mumbles and leaves your room without a word. You immediately follow him.

“Jaehyun!” He doesn’t react, shutting himself in his room, but you just follow him inside and ignore his exasperated “get out”, shutting the door behind you. His room is surprisingly clean, but the air is stale – which is its usual state. You ignore that. “What happened with Bora?”

His eyes grow bigger which tells you that the blind shot hit right down in the middle.

“Nothing!” He stresses, but when you just narrow your eyes at him, his shoulders drop. “How did you know?”

“I have no idea what you did, but pick up the phone and apologize to her,” you just say, not believing that you actually have nothing against Bora and Jaehyun. You don’t understand it. Yes. You don’t want to imagine it. Betcha. But you need to tolerate your brother’s choices if you want him to tolerate yours…

You can feel your adrenaline raising. What are you even thinking? What choices?

“You can’t be sure, I am at fault!” Jaehyun protests weakly. You snort, leaving your crisis behind you.

“I am your sister – I know it’s your fault.”

After that you leave him to his own devices, feeling somehow proud to be fulfilling your role of the older sister. Suddenly you remember Juhyuk and Bora kissing at Jeho’s party and something in your stomach turns unpleasantly.

The clock on the wall tells you that you should be already on your way. It’s fortunate, even if just because you can’t spend more time choosing the bag to take with you – you just throw everything that you think you’ll need into your backpack.

Seven minutes later you clear the last corner and you see the tall silhouette waiting on the bus stop. You are warmer than you should, anticipation getting better of you and your common sense. Juhyuk spots you immediately and gives you a small, shy wave.

You reach him, unsure of how to greet him.

“Hi,” you say in the end, and he repeats it back, and silence follows. You are standing side by side, and you feel anxious, needing something to fill the void between you.

“When will the bus…” you start asking suddenly turning to Juhyuk, who is looking at the street above your head.

“It’s just coming,” he says, pointing to the vehicle.

You are the first one to go into it, noting that it will take you to the other side of the island, which could take up to 1,5h. With that knowledge in your mind, you immediately go to the back, where there are still empty seats and you slide on the one next to the window. Juhyuk follows, takes his backpack off and puts it on the floor between his legs. After a moment of hesitation, you do the same.

“Where are we going?” You ask when the bus stops at the next stop. You are not sure what to make of Juhyuk’s silence.

“You’ll see,” he says and smiles at you. You nod and turn back to the window, watching your city. You don’t know if you should try to form a conversation when Juhyuk is definitely not trying. And he was the one to invite you out.

Soon enough the bus leaves the city and buildings are replaced by forest. You notice first signs of the spring. There are fresh buds on trees and bushes. As the bus starts climbing up the volcano, sometimes you get to see the sea above the greenery. Even if the island is overgrown with forests you rarely get to see them, living in the city. It’s not a part of your day-to-day life, so it’s nice to experience it like that.

Something reflects in your window so you turn around to see what that was and you are faced with Juhyuk looking at you.

You grow embarrassed, only now realizing that you forgot the whole world while watching the scenery. But it’s not like Juhyuk was talking to you!

“What?” You ask defensively.

“Look, horses,” Juhyuk points out, and you turn to see few of those animals in a paddock. It’s nothing unusual – your island is famous for horses, but it’s still exciting to see one. Or a few. And really, it takes a very strange sort of person that doesn’t say “horses” upon seeing them.

The bus is quiet, most travellers wearing hiking gear – they will probably hike up the volcano. The rest is probably going to the second city of the island. You focus on the world outside the windows, realizing that Juhyuk is watching it as well. You start pointing out interesting things you notice like old tombstones on the side of the road or a pair of deer just behind the bushes, and Juhyuk reacts accordingly.

At the beginning of the hiking trail, most of the passengers leave the bus, but Juhyuk shows no sign of your stop nearing, and you slowly relax into the seat, focused on the landscape. It’s somehow familiar – the old bus, with old leather seats and the unmistakable smell of petrol and dust, radio playing 80s’ hits. Buses on the island seem unchanging, be it now or ten years ago, they are just familiarly old.

Soon enough between trees buildings start to appear anew, which means that you are getting closer to the city. It’s in the southern part of the island, so the spring’s signs are more clear there. More flowers next to the road and warmer sun bring a smile to your face – spring really is a wonderful time.

“We have to get off here.”

It’s a sudden information and when you turn around to confirm it, Juhyuk is already standing with his backpack on his shoulder. Doors are opening and it comes as a surge in adrenaline levels: you grab a strap of your backpack and Juhyuk grabs your wrist to pull you to your legs and to lead you out of the bus. Cool air hits you as you jump off the step, feeling strangely light. You might have squeaked, but you are not sure – the only sure thing is that you are standing on the unfamiliar bus stop, looking at the unfamiliar street, with an involuntary smile on your face.

“Sorry. I totally lost track,” even Juhyuk’s voice is filled with laughter. You shake your head realizing that he is still holding your wrist. It’s such a drama moment, but you decide not to make a big deal out of it. You’ve dragged him by his wrist more than once, so it’s not that shocking. You subtly (in the most natural way you can find) free your hand, marking it with putting your backpack on.

Juhyuk doesn’t seem to notice.

“Lead the way!” You say and you half expect him to literally lead the way, but you should know better. He laughs, pulls out his phone and opens google maps. You find it strangely amusing – maybe it’s still your adrenaline talking through you. You look around and you notice food truck selling corndogs at the end of the street. “No, wait, we are getting that!”

“What?” Juhyuk seems confused, but you see the food you’ve have eaten in ages* and you won’t go anywhere until you have corndog in your hand. You point to the truck and Juhyuk’s eyes follow. He raises his eyebrows and seems uncertain when he looks back to you, but as soon as he sees your face he smiles. “Corndog it is!”

You knew he wouldn’t say no to that, but it is quite reassuring. You walk over to the truck and about 5 minutes later (and awkward but to be expected a conversation with the owner) you are happily walking away with a snack on a stick.

“I don’t remember the last time I ate it,” says Juhyuk with subdued amazement in his voice. You glance at him about to dig into yours. It takes you a second before you remember that he attended junior high overseas.

Family with money sure is different.

“Well, then I guess we have to document this moment!” Seconds later you are forcing him to pose with his corndog, and surprisingly after initial awkwardness he goes all into make-shift photo shoot. You find yourself laughing as Juhyuk goes all model like with that damn corndog as his focus point. Soon enough he takes your phone out of your hand and forces you to do the same, shouting encouragements.

By the time you are done, your stomach hurts from laughing, corndog is cold, and Juhyuk is resting against a tree wheezing.

You didn’t expect that. You don’t know what were you expecting, but not laughing with Juhyuk for half an hour at the bus stop where you got off the bus.

“Juhyuk… Where were we going?” You ask and it only makes him go back into laughing fit. He has a nice laugh. It’s contagious, especially when you see him losing his shit, leaning heavily on the tree, and your hand moves on its own – you are recording him.

“Hey, hey! That’s violation of my privacy!” Exclaims Juhyuk when he notices and makes a move for your phone. You laugh and jump away, allowing him to run after you. You squeal, running away – phone in one hand, forgotten corndog in the other. Your backpack is hitting your back as you run, and when you turn around he is just behind you, yelling threats. You see that he is making a fool out of himself for your viewing pleasure, because with his legs so long as he could have caught you a few times already.

But it’s fun.

The fun ends abruptly. You only see how his eyes open and he surges forward – one step and he is with you, his arm on your shoulders, jerking you back.  Only now you hear the sound of an engine and wind that accompanies the vehicle hits you.

And now, you thought that things like that happen only in movies. Seems like not.

Your heart is beating madly in your chest, having now realized how close you were to a tragedy. Juhyuk smells nice, you can clearly smell soap. He exhales and his breath moves the hair on top of your head and shiver goes down your spine.

No.

He lets go of you.

“See what happens when you try to run away from me?”  He asks and you didn’t expect that. You expected to hear him ask about your well-being, but a flirty joke right away? When you glance at him, he is smiling. Broadly.

You snort.

“See? I preferred death to your company.” You shoot back and he feigns getting struck in the heart. You can only laugh – but even that exchange puts you at ease, which you realize not without a freezing feeling on your nape.

You finally get yourself together and corndogs are finally devoured as Juhyuk leads you god-knows-where.

*Just like TiDT.

[thong-in-the-twist]

Thong in Da Twist’s mobile friendly masterlist!

If a name of a category is a link, it will take you to page where you’ll find summaries of each story. Available only in desktop mode (aka not for mobiles).

💓  mature    💙  immature    💜 you’ll wet your pants, but nothing will happen

Bluish Red 제1회💙 제2회💙

9 First Sins Interlude💙 Chen💓 Chanyeol💓 Sehun💓 Baekhyun💓 Lay💓 D.O💓 Kai💓 Xiumin💓 Suho (end)💓

Optional Bias

Thimble 1화💙 2화💙 3화💙 4화💙 5화💙 6화💙 7화💙 8화💙 9화 💙 10화 💙 11화❤️ 12화💙 13화💙 14화💙 15화💙 16화💙 17화💙 18화💙 19화💙 20화💙 21화💙

Breaking Blinds❤️ Wardrobe❤️

Bloodshot Eyes💓 

Property 💓 

Scandalous💓 

Integral💓

Three times a sway💓 

Coming back💓 

Mama💓 

Returns💓 

Remembrance💓 

Ablution💓 

Mist 💓 

Fog💓 

Field💓 

Would💓 

Exception💓 

And yet💓 

Ire💓 

At dawn💓 

Place Kitchen❤️ Elevator💙 

Song You&I💓 Cool Me Down💓 

Ache💙 

Pavlovian Conditioning💙 

Somebody fell in love with me💙 

L.💙 

Animosity💙

그대에게💙 

Smile💙 

Wherever💙

Irrelevant💙 

Promise💙

Kdrama

Gong Yoo

Courting💓 Coming after courting💓

History Book Silla💙 Goryeo💙 Joseon❤️ Tamna💙 March 1st💙 Gwangju 💙

Long Island Iced Tea💓 

Hostium munera, munera est💓

Mrs Doctor 💙

Nam Juhyuk

Downtown Throw part I💙 part II💓 part III💙 part IV💙 part V💙 part VI💙 part VII 💙

Kim Jisoo

Cutting the deck 1/3💙 2/3💙 3/3💓

Nam Juhyuk&Kim Jisoo

Doubles💓

Jung Haein

Incompatible💓 

Persona (non) grata💙

1308A💙

Magic Universum

Kai

Magic part I💙 part II💙 part III💙 part IV💙 part V💙 part VI💙 part VII💙 Magical💜 part VIII and last💓

Sehun

Fabled part I💙 part II💜 part III❤️ part IV💙 part V💜 part VI❤️ part VII💙 part VIII💜 part IX and last💓

Fables One💓 Two💓 Three💓

Chen

Eerie part I💙 part II💙 part III💙 part IV💙 part V💙 part VI💙 part VII💙 part VIII💙 part IX💙 part X💙

Masterlist: Chen

Kai

Body Appreciation Thighs💓 Lips💓 Arms 💓

Place California💙💓 Bathroom Counter 💓

Birthday Request💓

Song Little Star💙

Song Press Your Number💓

Song Do What We Do💓

Song Talking Body💓

Sometimes I wonder if loving you is a mistake💙

Sehun

Body Appreciation Shoulders 💓 Neck💓 Booty 💓

Strain💓

Place Airplane💙

Place Movie Theatre💓

Song Break a Sweat💓

Song It Won’t Stop💓

Song A Little Bit of Your Heart💙 cheating

Writing💜 ➡️ Reading 💓

Untitled💓 pwp 

Thrust💓

Bite me💓

Fistful💓

Xiumin

Body Appreciation Balls of Feet 💓

Song I Wanna Be Yours💙

Baekhyun

Body Appreciation Collarbones💙

Place SNSD Concert💙

Song Bonnie & Clyde💓

The War “Let’s stay up all night” 💓

The War “I wake up my imagination...”💓

Does your mother know?💓

Sweetness💓

Chanyeol

Body Appreciation Biceps💙

Place Yanghwa Bridge💙

Until💓 dirty talk

D.O.

Glasses💓

Carnal💓

Cane💙

Lay

In control part I💙 part II💙 part III💙 part IV💙 part V💙 part VI💙 part VII💙 part VIII💙 part IX💙 part X💙 part XI and last💙 Epilogue💓

Fooling you once💙 twice💙 thrice(a charm)💙 IV(shame on you)💙 V(shame on me)💙

It’s not a great story part I💙 part II💙

Other

Wooyoung Body Appreciation Chest💓

How it really happened💙 reimagine of what happened between Deokseon and Junghwan in the bar [Reply 1988]

Miscellaneous

Science Babble Tag

Moment for Thong In Da Twist

EXO as Karasuno Volleyball Club