#judges contestants and Noel lol

[lunapwrites]

So, having gone through each and every season of GBBO, I have to say: the vibes in season 13 were rancid.

[spookyjudgement]

GBBO 2020 reactions episode 2 because I need a place to dump my thoughts.

Oh great, we’re starting off with Paul expressing an opinion. Does this mean that he’s gonna punish people for not reading his mind and using milk chocolate.

NOEL STOP MAKING FUN OF SURA FOR THE MISTAKE LAST TIME. At least he seems to crack her up eventually.

Is Mark using white chocolate? I’m afraid for him... oh is he also the big nuts comment from the intro? ohhh...okayyyyyyy

Mangos yess! I support this competition!

Mak is what peak performance looks like, clearly. He’s such an uncle I can’t even. omg him saying he hasn’t decorated them though. And he’s not measuring precisely...I’m a little scared but also same, Mak, same.

Quarantine florentines that’s so cute, love it Lottie. A uniform mess, sounds like my life.

The bakers are on the floor again, gazing into their ovens.

I wish Paul wouldn’t mill about the tent. He’s like a predator prowling and making them all nervous.

I’m nervous for Rowan’s this round...

Oh no...Mak is also using white chocolate.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh they’re tempering. Good luck to all of them. I’m worried for Hermine.

What’s...ruby chocolate? It sounds like flavored white chocolate?

Mak’s chocolate has seized!!!!!! Ack! this is what happens when you don’t practice your decoration! When you put random stuff in chocolate! That makes me anxious.

And see...they do seem to be knocking non-dark chocolate florentines.

I love Rowan and his boldness, just saying I’m gonna do it because I want to lol.

Sura and Peter both came up with stuff that was a bit softer...and yet the judges liked them...hmmm...maybe your florentine standards leave something to be desired Prue and Paul.

Hamish did well! We Love to See It! And LOTTIE although Paul really? handshake? He totally has an ego about it.

Macaroooooooooon technical! Are macaroons more popular in the US or something? I feel like I’ve had them more recently than most of those bakers said they had. Never had a filled one though? Normally they’re undecorated coconutty lumps.

ROWAN DRINKING A CUP OF TEA WHILE CALMLY STIRRING HIS CURD that’s excellent, top notch. I love unflappable contestants.

LOL overjoyed that Noel got to call Paul out for his sausage fingies.

Mak. I too have drunk straight condensed milk. It is a beautiful thing. And the show’s super focus on Mark’s being behind is making me very nervous. I trust Mak’s knowledge? He seemed confident when he said low and slow. Do I give in and google?

Peter...took his out when they were PASTY WHITE! That is terrifying. Right now I only trust Dave, Mak, and maybe...maybe Mark.

Rowan is lovely, even when he is a hot mess. French patisserie, even when they’re messy.

lksdfjhalksjhdf it is so unfortunate I feel like most of their cookies are going to be underbaked and it makes me sad for them :’(.

Mark did well!!!!!!!! I’M GLAD! Also did I hear someone exclaim Matt in the background right at the end of his judging??? lol. And Mak did well too? Seems like...I was right to trust those three on the bake time.

oh NO! Rowan at the bottom :’( Well-deserved win for Dave though!!!

a...3D biscuit...table setting...from a meal you once had? What? Are the showstoppers this year? They couldn’t just leave it at 3D biscuit sculpture like they usually do?

Paul. Prue. Unless you’ve done this yourself I don’t want to hear you talk about why you want them to do this. Especially not PAUL.

Oh no...Rowan. I love him and I hope he gets most of this done. I don’t believe he’ll be able to do it all though.

How often does Mark go to Ethiopia that he can say “Every time I’m in Ethiopia”. Also YES LOTTIE VIKINGS.

Ahhh I hope Mak can do this. I hope Paul won’t judge him for his technique. It’s not very *Paul’s waving hands in his description of what he expects*. Hamish’s look a little simple and I’m worried for him.

Linda!!!! Rosewater shortbread!!! That is....brave... and Mak moulding as he goes seems...courageous. I feel like he’s gonna get slammed.

GAH these unmouldings! Breaking biscuits everywhere!

Knowing that Japan Week is a thing that happens later in a hellish move by the showrunners, the fact that Hermine did a japanese tea set is amusing to me.

I think...they’ll send Rowan home. Which is unfortunate. I like him. Good to see Hamish doing well! Simple but well-executed! Hot DAMN Linda’s turned out good. Unfortunate that the biscuits turned out overworked.

Ok...I think based off of their comments Dave is a likely choice for Star Baker. I think Mak is a little too worried, considering he came in third for the technical (that’s code for if they send him home this week I’m cutting a bitch).

WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK!

UNCLEJI NO! NO! NOT FAIR! NOT FAIR NOT ALLOWED!

Prue and Paul are fucking banned.

[itsmyfirsttime-begentle]

This is... horrifically white washed (pun intended) sorry but I have to respond as someone who has avidly watched from BBC season 2.

Mel and Sue often comforted the contestants yeah, but they also made things worse by getting stressed along with them and knocking over or ruining part of the bakes. Sue was funny but Mel just pulled faces and made silly noises and you could tell poor Mary Berry could've done without some of the 90s era "wacky" nonsense.

WOWZA ummmm BBC version was craaazy insensitive to names, pronunciations and were NOT culturally sensitive??!! I really don't know what show you were watching but it was extremely colonialist white people humor and so many of the poc were presented as "oddities" and "colorful" and their cultures patronized.

The white contestants butchered almost every non-white people bake I'd say actually worse than the Channel 4 version. But unlike the Channel 4 GBBO, the BBC version still presented their white takes on other cultures as legitimate rather than poking fun at their own ineptitude.

For real how the hell does anyone think that the BBC Bakeoff wasn't racist and xenophobic???? You guys must have some major rose colored lenses.

Season 3!!! was the most horrific example of everything wrong with the BBC version and thank goodness Channel 4 dropped the melodrama and the flat out racism and bullying. From Ruby Tandoh being fetishized and creeped on by basically everyone in the production as well as judges and Mel and Sue, for being "exotic" and emotionally prone to crying - to the far inferior white lady being handed the win because the favorite Ruby couldn't even at a stretch be given it - to KIMBERLY WILSON who is superior to almost all GBBO finalists ever being treated absolutely horrifically and the show, judges and hosts all flat out ignoring the vile abuse she faced from the British public for "smiling too much" and being a dark skinned black woman who showed up all the white folks and clearly kind of threatened the judges with her ability. (I think some lame statements were finally released but to no effect). I love Mary but the fact that she used one slightly soggy bottom as an excuse to never give Kimberly her rightful dues still makes me upset.

Nothing Channel4 has ever done is as bad as what happened with Kimberly Wilson god I'm sorry but I still shake with rage over that season. I've never watched that season ever again.

BBC GBBO was ummm... very watery about LGBTQ+ representation. Sue would make the occasional permitted and very sanitized lesbian comment and there were a few contestants who brought some fun rep with them but they were operating in a bland void. Channel 4 literally said screw it we're a rainbow show and if you don't like it don't watch.

The hilarious thing is that Channel 4 actually dropped all of the drama and tension and solely focused on seeing the funny side and mucking around. BBC GBBO was literally sometimes nothing but tears and rage and heartbreaking failures. The instruction for Noel and Sandy and Matt was always step in and remind the contestants that it's just a fun show and not to take their failures too hard and see the funny side of things. Mel and Sue were clearly directed to encourage the tears and drama, which isn't their fault but oh my god you could only count maybe 1 contestant per episode who didn't have a breakdown with Mel or Sue clutching them while they sobbed. And so many contestants had tensions and outright anger towards each other on the BBC version and yikes were there clearly some white folks who thought they were on a Mary Berry proper white people show and balked at the diversity.

Nadiya Hussein is a goddess but she was also latched onto by GBBO fans as "proof" that it wasn't racist. The patronizing attitude white fans had to her was awful. That's how not diverse it was - they had one incredible woman and didn't randomly pit her against a white lady baking a stack of cookies as if it was equal lol.

IN WHAT WORLD WAS MARY BERRY NOT RIGHTFULLY HARD TO PLEASE AND GOD LIKE?? Paul has always been Paul but to even slightly think that standards are higher with Prue than MARY BERRY??? One of my favorite things was that contestants worked so hard to please her and get her approval, and that she was very strict but fair with giving it. Oh my god what show did y'all watch??

You guys are completely mistaking the fact that constants' abilities have gotten better and better as the show has gone on, in most part due to it making baking so popular. So yes the challenges are harder but the contestants nowadays almost always turn out a decent result, unlike earlier contestants who struggled to make cakes rise. It wouldn't be fair to make those people do floating meringues.

Lemon meringue pies have been popular and on menus forever and every single contestant who watched the show before had seen it made, that is such a weird take lol.

I don't obsess over this normally lol so if y'all are saying that the viewing numbers for GBBO are dropping then I'll have to believe you, but guaranteed they won't be rebuilding it. As someone who myself and my friends have always loved how much more fun and silly and non-stuffy the Channel 4 GBBO is, I'd rather see it end than have it go back to corny yuk yuk jokes mixed with people throwing food in rages, blowing major cash on food that completely fails and having an entire organization turn a blind eye on vicious racist attacks on a black woman contestant and the vile sexist narrative surrounding a mixed race queer woman so that they can keep up the tweedy quaint image.

Ultimately I only say all of this because the BBC has a lot systemically wrong with it and feel very uncomfortable with anyone hearkening back to it. But the fact that anyone thinks the BBC is more liberal or creates less drama for drama sake programming than Channel 4 is the wildest, off-base take I've seen in a while and I've never seen it before now and the whitest of white twitter who have Kate Middelton icons lmao.

OK you know what, if we're gonna talk about Bake Off then fuck it, let's do this.

It used to be this wholesome, lovely show! We used to watch it for the bakers! And the learning! And the light banter and occasional bit of coy innuendo! What happened?

Channel 4 happened. When they bought the show they made a number of changes, most of them Not Good™️. Not just in the sense of them resulting in a lot of 😬 and 🫠 moments, but in the sense of how they changed the show's purpose, atmosphere, and brand.

Look, I know most people are just like, "whatever, it's just a baking show," and yeah, sure. But it's one of the UK's most successful TV exports, and where it once shifted the tone of reality competition to being wholesome and supportive of contestants, it's since moved towards creating tension at the contestants' cost. So aside from the fact that most people watching it signed up to watch a nice show, it has also shifted the goalposts of what that even means. And that, lovelies and gentlefolk, is some bullshit.

I decided to break my rant analysis into four main parts: theme weeks, the hosts, the judges, and the bakers. Let's get to it!

Theme Weeks:

If you watch Bake Off, you know the show's always had a specific theme for each week. The staples that come up in most seasons are:

cake

biscuit

bread

pudding/dessert

pastry

patisserie

Less common but consistent are things like caramel and chocolate week.

Then there are the fun episodes! When GBBO was on the BBC, this started out with things tea week, tarts, pies, tray bakes, basically little tangents still focused on emphasizing specific baking skills. In Series 6 (still on the BBC) they had their first nation-focused theme week with French week -- fairly innocuous given that a lot of patisserie is French, France and England share much more culture than either cares to admit [Norman Flag dot gif], and it was a nice change from watching Paul make the bakers do recipes that involved boiling things while talking about how wonderful boiled doughs are (are they, Paul? Are they?).

The show kept mixing it up with innocuous themes like advanced dough and alternative ingredients weeks, European cakes, Victorian week, batter week, and botanical week. And while it was frustrating to watch Paul Hollywood mispronounce things like the Hungarian Dobos Torta and lecture bakers on babka when he clearly knew nothing about it (or about Jewish baking in general, go off Past Me), the show's general attitude was that the judges had their own opinions, which were separate from the immutable facts around the chemistry of baking (more on this later) and shouldn't affect how bakers are judged.

After the show moved to Channel 4, the number of themed weeks increased and more of them focused on specific countries. In 6 seasons on the BBC, there were only two country-focused theme weeks, and in 5 seasons on Channel 4 there have been five. And while they've also had themes like vegan baking, roaring 20s, the 1980s, spice week, etc. the show has really started to go hard on exoticizing other cultures in outright disrespectful and racist ways. There's been Italian and Danish week, German, Japanese (it wasn't, it was East Asian week), and now Mexican week (which doesn't touch on interspersed Jewish bakes that didn't get a theme week, like versions of bagels and babka set as technical challenges that were borderline hate crimes and mansplained by a guy who has no idea how to make either and once wrote in a cookbook that challah was traditionally eaten during Passover). Each time the hosts played up the theme with racist bits and jokes that can be used as evidence in court if your case is "why should shows with scripted content have a professional writing staff."

Which touches on other issues the show has now...

The Hosts:

When GBBO was on the BBC, the show was hosted by ✨Mel Giedroyc✨ and ✨Sue Perkins✨. They encouraged the bakers! They'd hold stuff for them sometimes! They were interested in them! If a baker had a breakdown, they would start singing copyrighted material to render the footage unusable! When the show moved to Channel 4, they left, though I'm not unconvinced that Channel 4 offered them impossible to accept contracts to force them out so they could rebrand the show. They replaced them with Sandy Toksvig and Noel Fielding. Sandy was a lovely host in the vein of Mel and Sue, and she and Noel had a relatively sweet rapport, but she left a few seasons ago and was replaced by Matt Lucas.

Noel Fielding is mostly known for his quirky brand of comedy, a sort of British Zooey Deschanel who's goth from the neck up, an upperclass British gay divorcee from the neck down, and basically an early 60s Beatle re: trousers. Matt Lucas has almost definitely never watched a single episode of GBBO and his most redeeming quality is his thinly veiled contempt for Paul Hollywood.

The two treat the baking tent as their personal playground. Far from the supportive attitude of Mel and Sue, they tend to get in the bakers' way during the most stressful moments, especially when they try to do hilarious "comedy" bits (I can't not put that in quotes) like Noel's talking wooden spoon thing, or Matt talking over Noel to do time calls. During theme weeks like Japanese and Mexican week, they do culture-specific bits that are both racist ("just Juan joke" and "is Mexico a real place?") and unsurprising, given that both Matt and Noel did blackface on their respective sketch shows and absolutely could and should have known better because it was already the current fucking century.

All this to say, there's now a separation between the bakers and the hosts, as if they're on different shows. The hosts are doing their own thing and the bakers are doing GBBO. The show has gotten meaner to the bakers, and the hosts aren't there to support them anymore, they're just there to be comic relief. Because when you refocus your show on stressing the bakers the fuck out, you need a forced laugh I guess ��\_(ツ)_/¯.

The Judges:

First of all, a sincere congratulations to Paul Hollywood who managed to squeeze I jUsT cAmE bAcK fRoM mExIcO aNd YeT sTiLL pRoNoUnCe PiCo De GaLLo As 'PiKa De KaLLa' and I aM aN eXpErT oN s'MoReS wHiCh aRe MaDe WiTh DiGeStiVe BiScUiTs AcCoRdiNg tO mE, aN eXpErT oN s'MoReS, just two in a giant pile of astoundingly wrong hot takes, into a short enough time span that they all aired within Liz Truss's term as Prime Minister. A true man of accomplishments.

In the interest of fairness, I need to preface this with a disclaimer that, due to the fact that I've been watching Bake Off for most of its run, I'm biased. Specifically, I can't stand Paul Hollywood's smarmy, classist, egomaniac ass because he's proven time and again he's more interested in looking smart than actually knowing what he's talking about. Since the show moved to Channel 4, they've changed the occasional handshake Paul would give bakers to the HoLlYwOoD hAnDsHaKe™️. It's gone from being an emphasis of someone's skill to a goal, a reward, and one that emphasizes the judges' place above the bakers.

The judges used to function as teachers, imparting their skills and insights to the bakers. When the show was on the BBC, the voiceover leading to a judging would focus on the bakers' work being finished, saying how it will now be evaluated based on their skill and how well they met the brief. The voiceovers now, on Channel 4, focus on the judging (literally saying something along the lines of, "the bakers will now be judged by Prue and Paul"). There is a clear distinction Channel 4's producers have made, to mark that the show is now about whether or not the judges approve, not whether the brief was understood and executed well. On the BBC, it was irrelevant whether the judges liked a particular flavor, as long as the bake was well-made. Now, the bakers are expected to know the judges tastes and cater to them, which is frankly bullshit. A judge doesn't have to like a flavor to know whether or not it was executed well, ie. is it carrying a bake and was it meant to etc.

The judges have been turned into a brand. Cynically, Channel 4 knows that by building them up and focusing the show more on them, they can exploit their image more for profit. In the process, they've become much more biased and their own biases have come out as well. Most recently in the flaming dumpster fire that was Mexican Week, Paul Hollywood tried to intimidate a baker by telling them he had just gotten back from Mexico (which must have been a fruitful learning trip if he couldn't even learn how to pronounce pico de gallo correctly). Where do I even start with this? Here's an amateur baker from England (the show specifically casts middle and lower middle class bakers for the most part??) who likely can't afford trips to Mexico, who lives in a country with incredibly limited access to Mexican cuisine, who is expected not only to understand the cooking and baking traditions of a completely different culture but to do so well enough to play with it and do something creative with it. On top of which, one of the judges is now using his privilege of traveling halfway around the world as some kind of leverage, as if this were a bar that any amateur British baker could clear.

Prue, meanwhile, has openly asserted her biases against cultural flavors and textures, prioritizing her own personal preferences over them, as if they were in any way relevant to the skills and knowledge necessary to execute the tasks she sets to the bakers. She has also been consistently elitist, criticizing bakers for choices they made that were clearly informed by their experiences within income brackets that are too low and foreign for Prue to comprehend. She once had a go at a baker on a Christmas special because his Christmas dinner themed bake didn't have a turkey, even though it was clear from the stories he shared of his own Christmases that his family likely couldn't afford one. "It's not really Christmas dinner without a turkey," Prue said into the camera angrily while sitting on a chair made of live orphans and telling the ghost of Christmas Future to come back when he had another museum gift shop necklace for her to round out her collection.

The show is no longer about which baker has the best skills. It's become about which mortal can appease the gods of Mount Olympus, ie. the judges.

The Bakers:

Remember when the show was about them? Channel 4 doesn't! Because this is a reality competition show, the bakers are chosen both based on their skills, as well as cast-ability. They're cast as characters, distinct from each other, from different areas, age groups, ethnicities. All of them are amateurs. All of them are middle or lower middle class. They've ranged from college students to supermarket cashiers to prison wardens to scientists.

Something I noticed when the show moved to Channel 4 is that the baker who goes home in the first week is always wildly behind the rest in skills. I have no proof of this other than my eyeballs and deductive reasoning skills, but I think that Channel 4 deliberately casts a ringer each season who they think will be an easy send-off in the first week, just to get the audience's feet wet.

Anyway, like I said, this show used to be about the bakers - about them building skills and learning, and having walked into the tent with a self-taught foundation and understanding of the processes and chemical reactions involved in baking. When the show was on the BBC, the end of each round had some (often brief) moments of tension - will they finish in time? Will they get their bakes on the plate before time is up? Did they forget to add sugar to their batter and only remember at the last minute? In the end, they usually managed to finish and we'd all breathe a sigh of relief and think, yeah! You go, Bakers Who I'm Rooting For!

Now, on Channel 4, the end of round drama has been stretched to be so much longer that they've composed extra music for it. The bakers often seem out of their depth, whether because the instructions for the technical challenge are too vague (bake a lemon meringue pie??? As if anyone in the UK under the age of 60 has had one in the last decade???), or because they were expected to bake something that required a more than a basic foundation they weren't told of. Often it seems like they just aren't given enough time, a tactic used by reality competition shows to manipulate contestants into giving the cameras more dramatic content. On top of all this, the hosts get in their way, instead of helping them plate their bakes. As has been pointed out before, when everyone fails the challenge, the real failure lies with whoever set it.

In conclusion:

The show no longer exists to teach the bakers - and the audience - skills or knowledge. It now manipulates contestants for dramatic effect and prioritizes showing conflict over wholesome content. Channel 4 sees the bakers as social media content they can churn out season after season, and don't care about them because in a few months there'll be a new batch to exploit. Meanwhile, the judges are also out of their depth, co-opting recipes from other cultures and butchering them horrendously, while the camera gives them nothing but status as they hold bakers to the expectation that they learn how to make things very much the wrong way. If you saw any of the tweets about Mexican or Japanese week, or read my post on how Paul Hollywood isn't allowed to go near babka ever again, you'll understand.

So what would fix all this? Scrap the current judges and the hosts altogether. Bring back Mel and Sue, and replace the judges with expert bakers who have a love of their craft and want to share it with others. The draw of GBBO used to be its warmth and comfort - if Channel 4 isn't going to start its own version of Master Chef For Bakers, then it needs to stop trying to find a balance of how it can insert that vibe into GBBO. It can't. That's not a thing. Stop trying.

[spookyjudgement]

GBBO 2020 reactions Episode 3, don’t mind me

I get the concept of the opening skit but my Paul Patience has already worn out this season so.

Why? Do they also have to make a butter???? They’re making 2 breads already? Was having the bakers wait for their breads to prove and letting them have a break not exciting enough?

Prue saying that it would be interesting to get a “really different” butter as though she would actually like the taste of a “really different” butter *eyeroll*.

So this episode we get the explanation for Mark’s Ethiopian travels. It’s nice to see Irish and Welsh inspiration though!

I’m disappointed they’re not calling Marc Hamish. I will continue to call him Hamish. and URGH the thought of BUTTERMILK in his EAR!

Hermine’s evil laugh as she describes salmon and cheese is top quality. I love her. We also stan a knitter.

I’m rooting for Laura’s pizza stone!

Paul stop glaring at people’s bread you weirdo.

OF COURSE PETER STUDIES FINANCE I felt the VIBES! I FELT THE V I B E S! Also Paul really...loves him and it’s weird to see it. Glad to see the comment redirected to slamming Paul, though.

They’re making them...WHIP??? THE BUTTER???

LINDA <3 SHOWCASING MAK’S HONEY. MY HEART.

The apprentice kills the master lol if this ends in a Peter vs Paul death match I’d pay to watch it. Badminton finance boy, come through and kick his ass.

Rowan reinventing his story as he goes is Hilarious with the flatness.

Matt with the blueberry suggestion for Lottie. I agree with Lottie that Matt should be the one to mush blueberries in Paul’s face.

I’m glad Laura’s marzipan decision worked out!

It’s not fair that they seem to excuse underflavoring so much more than overflavoring. The Britishness really jumps out huh.

Hermine shaped her butter! So cute! Also...ew Paul’s sweaty hands. I’m glad he liked her breads.

Sura accepting her throne as flavor queen! QUEEN!

OMG NOEL THAT PAUL ROAST FOR PAUL’S NON-ADVICE COMMENT. Excellent moment.

Wait. Are they serious. Fucking rainbow bagels??? RANDOM INSTA/COOKING INFLUENCER FOOD IS APPARENTLY BAKE-OFF CONTENT NOW. Not to roast Rosanna Pansino or any of the other creators who made them but like. Why.

wha...”I think the rainbow represents the NHS” ??? More like you’ve decided the rainbow represents the NHS for you now I guess? Those look fucking neon?? guh.

Those colors...all their hands are a mess...fuckin wild...actually COMPLETELY colored with that neon mess.

I support Rowan for thinking in inches in the UK. It’s the chaotic choice. Matt’s look into the camera when Rowan said it was hilarious, like yes Matt, a contestant out-chaosed you.

I hope Hamish isn’t serious about the show making him start drinking...I would be really sad if it did :’(

Dave’s hands are still...blue. The water for many people’s bagels are...colored. Rowan’s water is straight up a witches’ brew.

I’m nervous for Dave? This doesn’t feel like his week...

It’s good to see Hamish seem like he’s in his element? It’s calming. Linda too!

Rowan and Dave at the bottom for the technical...predictable but unfortunate. But Hamish did well in the technical and was proud of himself! <3 wholesome.

ROWAN I love him, like...I didn’t do well but it was so much fun! His attitude is great, honestly. Not playing any of your anxiety games Paul.

Noel >:( Don’t make fun of Lottie. She is swan-like!

OK. Time to brace for their bullshit showstopper idea.

Bread plaque. Thing you’re most grateful for. Are you. Serious?????????

Rowan pointing out that it is traditionally inedible...bro why did they set this challenge.

“It’s probably curtain’s but I’m gonna have fun anyway” Rowan once again being iconic.

So Matt’s comment about Paul being gay got me looking because I didn’t think he was gay and...yeah he’s not AND in 2019 he broke up with a 24 year old WHY IS HE SO CONSISTENTLY HORRIBLE JESUS CHRIST SHE’S LESS THAN HALF HIS AGE alsdkjhfaskldfhj.

Sorry not over it yet. From wikipedia: “In August 2019 Hollywood split from 24-year-old girlfriend Summer Monteys-Fullam, ending a two-year relationship.” what a miserable creep ugh ugh ugh.

Dave’s having a BABY! I am excited for him.

Peter’s making a bagel dough...and he didn’t get first in bagels the day before...that makes me nervous for him.

“There is a plan. I know that’s surprising” Rowan, you are my icon.

I’m rooting for Hermine’s brioche. Stick it to the MAN Hermine!

Hamish coming in with actual Buddhist philosophy and not random fetishized shit? That’s good stuff. I’m pretty sure the production team prodded him into saying it because of his Tibetan bread though.

Prue coming in with more sense in judging Hermine’s bake than Paul. Screw you Paul, like you could have (or would have) done that quick-dash enriched dough.

Sura’s bread is good!!!! Also her asking if she could go at the end is really funny, she gives off such presenting to teachers vibes.

I’m glad Hamish did well!!!!! <3 So good!

I’m very worried for Dave...but also since when has bake-off judged based on the ideas???

Paul. Shut up about Hermine’s enriched dough. It worked well enough.

I support Matt in that comment on how much flavor bread needs anywy. Fight Paul on bread flavor, Matt. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

HAMISH WON STAR BAKER I’M SO HAPPY FOR HIM.

bro. send rowan home. I love him but send him home.

Ok. Good. My hand has been stayed.

Family?? I thought they were isolated????

[spookyjudgement]

GBBO 2020 reactions Episode 8: Dessert Week. Twitter spoiled the final lineup for me, time to see how we get there.

WHAT IS MATT DOING? WHAT is this intro that’s so much. The episode intros are also nerve wracking. Is this a new editing thing? I think this must be a new editing thing to make the episode preview an anxiety-fest.

Mini cheesecakes.

Ok. Peter is out here representing, I too dislike cheese. Aversion to cheese? Gluten-intolerance considered? He’s checking all the boxes. Pity he’s an econ boy.

I mean, yeah Paul they’re all star bakers but all star bakers in different weeks/different concentrations!

I think Hermine’s jar idea is adorable, I don’t know why Paul was concerned by it? Also I get Dave’s thing about citrus and gelatin.

Don’t you have to use a bain-marie? IDK I’m worried for everyone who hasn’t.

10/10 Impromptu musical number. That’s Paul, that’s Paul!

Gotta say given how hard turning these cheesecakes looks for Laura, I think Hamish and Hermine made smart choices with their structure.

I think...this was the first time I saw Peter this flustered? I hope he’s ok. Laura’s also worried me.

Yeah Dave! Prove Paul wrong about that gelatin! and Peter! Listen to Noel, stick it to the man! Don’t apologize!

???? Prue??? Are you saying you get all your bakes done perfectly the first time around? What the fuck do you mean no extra ingredients??????

This...sounds like a very British technical...and a very disgusting technical like...ooze out? Suet??? ew ew ew. THIS IS THE LEMON ONE WHY. WHAT IS THE POINT IN PUTTING A WHOLE LEMON IN A PUDDING. IT COOKS IN THE PUDDING?????

I love Hermine’s reaction...gotta agree with her...Suet breakdown.

Watching this...I am reminded of something my father once told me. We’re not pastry, cookie, cake people. We’re barfi, laddu, halwa people. This is like...in my top ranks for least appetizing looking pastry dish (not that I could eat it anyway but, it bears mentioning).

Noel: “Prue, not worth the calories” gotta agree. Gotta agree.

Won’t these be...inedible??? If they’re not properly cooked??? How are they gonna judge them?

Oh...bold...Dave is first to come out when he was the last to go in...yikes...

Oh god they’re all breaking????? Ahhhh...well...they tried. OMG YOU CAN SEE THE LEMONS THAT’S SO MUCH

Did Prue even give them enough time???? Peter had his in fairly early and his needed another hour? Ma’am I’d like to see you steam a pudding in the period of time you allotted for it. Ugh. Odds the contestants got up in their faces off-camera for that. They’d have been justified.

Prue, fuck you, you did not give them enough time to steam that pudding you absolute fool. Don’t comment on the “mess” they made of it. *eyeroll*.

HERMINE WITH THE ICONIC TAKE! EATING JELLY IS AN ANGLO SAXON THIN!

Hamish feels bad about all the gelatin being used. Honestly...same. Mood. I think I’d have just taken the risk and tried agar agar and pectin even though they don’t set as jiggly.

I’m glad Noel is helping defend Hamish from Paul and Prue. Like...yeah! Hamish is right for going big! It is the time to be ambitious.

ROAST THE ENGLISH HERMINE! ROAST THEM FOR THE LACK OF CARE IN APPROACHING OTHER LANGUAGES.

LOL at the announcer taking Hermine’s note on the pronunciation of genoise.

Gotta agree with the criticism...this isn’t really baking. All this...jelly work.

It seems like Dave went with the most foolproof method here...admittedly with everything hanging on his release from the bowl. All the melting jelly is nerve-wracking? I know it’s expected but still.

Oh noooooo Hamish’s is unfortunate :’(

Prue said the word Japanese and a swear to god my eye twitched.

All of a sudden an entire tent pronouncing genoise properly! Incredible.

Not the judges talking about that technical like they actually gave them enough time to work on it.

HERMINE DOMINATION!!!!!! HERMINE DOMINATION!!!!!!!!!

I’m sad Hamish is leaving. Peter got lucky, and I think he knows it.

[spookyjudgement]

After many weeks, I finally get around to watching to Japanese week...GBBO 2020 reactions episode 6 here we go.

Oh...the paper mache manga character...these vibes...I’m concerned.

Kawaii...showstopper...unsurprising but still disappointing.

What would Prue know about traditional Japanese fillings???? Also how would Paul and Prue be experts on Japanese buns??????

White people white peopling all east asian cultures together ugh ugh ugh...Peter if it’s more Chinese and you know it then guess the fuck what? Get it out of a Japanese challenge. Same with you Laura!!!!! Being more familiar with Chinese flavors isn’t a fucking excuse.

Also Paul and Prue not being able to distinguish is...yeah I knew they wouldn’t be able to. I think they should dock points for it being from, oh I don’t know, a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT EAST ASIAN COUNTRY.

Somehow I’m less bothered by the Indian filling, because there’s no way they’re trying to pass that over as ~generically east asian~

Paul asking for one without a gherkin gah gah. Glad that Mark brought it up so he could make Paul a gherkin-free one. Gotta agree with Noel: “wow what is he, five?” The Lottie and Mark rivalry is fun, I hope she isn’t putting gherkins in hers. oh no, gherkin in her relish, hopefully baby Paul can’t taste it. He asked her for one without gherkin too I’m...

I think Hermine’s actually gotten Japanese flavors and theming going!!!!! I’m glad they acknowledged her domination. She actually seems like she’s done a good amount of research!

I applaud Hamish for his attempt at traditional sealing.

Still love Lottie and Mark sniping. They’re so cute.

Side note...these aren’t baked??? There’s plenty of japanese-style baked goods they could have done and instead they gave them...steamed buns.

Cakes are BORING say it Lottie!!!!!!

P FOR PAUL THE ONE WITHOUT GHERKINS R O A S T   H I M

Hmm it seems like multiple people have an arch inside the buns. Is it supposed to be like that? They seemed to imply with Hermine that it wasn’t but most people have them!

LOL LOTTIE IF HE’D EATEN IT WITH THE RELISH IT WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN DRY. Mark and Lottie really coming for Paul and his need to be babied today.

I’m nervous for what they’re going to assign for the technical. What Japanese technical expertise does Prue have.

Ah. crepes. The Japanese is more the flavors (and I guess the crepes??? these aren’t really asian-style crepes as far as I know?)

LOL doesn’t Paul not really like matcha...is he faking this...I’ve seen him criticize people for matcha flavorings before

Laura can you not. We get it, you don’t like matcha.

Lottie and Mark are so fun together. Also Lottie’s reactions to the instructions are great.

Peter cursed by saying crumbs that’s h i l a r i o u s. also this clearly looks so fiddly.

Some of these crepes look truly...horrifying. Laura’s and Hamish’s in particular. DAVE FLIPPED HIS CREPE!!!! EYY!

This construction seems...fiddly...and I’m surprised by how many of these people don’t know what crescent means...

Game, set, matcha ba-dum tsssssssssss there you go Peter

Apparently the judges don’t know what crescent means either because they keep saying semicircle.

Laura can stop talking now! We get it, you hate matcha and you let your bias destroy your bake!

Noel, host of a baking show: I like looking at things but don’t like putting them in my mouth.

kawaii...cake...what...what on earth...this is some bullshit

OH GOD PAUL LEANING INTO STEREOTYPES. Prue is just barely better, but is also showing that she only knows a couple of things about japanese cuisine.

Ok Mark...what is Japanese about avocado...I guess the design is cutesy...but is it Japanese. Why why why is CARTOOON GENERICALLY acceptable in the brief

Dave’s is allowable. It makes sense. Shiba Inu. IDK what’s Japanese about Hamish’s in the design. Ginger and soybean is...interesting.

Peter’s doing a castella *flashbacks to Kitchen Princess*

I’m rooting for Lottie’s forest and Hermine’s garden! I think Hermine’s theming and design sounds really nice! Sakura anything is a good idea! (I’ve seen tweets about this so...)

Peter’s design also doesn’t seem particularly Japanese, but hey, what do I know.

Laura is on thin ice, but somehow she seems to have done more research this round.

I think Lottie could have sold the “bamboo” as more mushrooms better tbh. Also Mark keeps butchering the word kawaii in a particularly gruesome way.

HOORAY LOTTIE! I’m happy for her!

oh no..Hermine...HER CONCEPT IS VERY JAPANESE PRUE, more than many other contestants you asdkfjghasfghasjdfgadsjhfg

I...really don’t know who’s going home?

LOTTIE DOMINATION!

oh no...it’s sad to see Mark go...I feel like he had more potential than that, but he really bombed the showstopper.

Bad joke time: a tale of two burger buns

Bad joke time 2: two burger buns, alike in dryness and lack of gherkins

Well...it’s over. It is done. Thank goodness to have it over with. No more Japanese week to dread.

[spookyjudgement]

GBBO 2020 reactions Episode 4: Chocolate week, in which I presume I must push through my anger as the bakers are punished for failing to do chocolate work in an un-airconditioned tent in the middle of summer.

Ew with Paul being an ass in the preview.

“Chocolate releases endorphins but that tent does not always release endorphins” is both an excellent take and v sad.

Prue doesn’t want decorations...did she mention that when they were telling the bakers what to do this round? Of course not, immediately Lina has decoration.

LOL Matt’s shots at Paul while talking to Dave. A horrible man with a beard. A perfect description of Paul Hollywood.

Oh good luck to Peter, that sounds complicated and Paul and Prue seem judgy. I think it sounds like a good idea! Figs and chocolate go well together!

BAKING’S FOR LOSERS, NOEL PLEASE NOT IN A TENT FULL OF BAKERS

Ruby chocolate returns in Sura’s brownies I should google this and figure out what it is.

Oooooh Lottie is playing it risky with the double bake...good luck with her

Hermine is doing white chocolate, I hope they don’t take shots at her for that. Paul shut up and stop psyching her out about the oven temp. HERMINE DON’T LISTEN TO HIMMMMM

It’s baking, they’re brownies, of course they’re all sweet and of course the bakers will go for sweet toppings! Prue...please don’t follow through on your rubbish pre-bake comment.

You know your meringue is done when you have a trump on your whisk, incredible advice from Mark.

Paul should be banned from the tent/confined to a chair, I hate seeing him lurking behind the bakers.

Oof Lottie has an excellently dark/realistic way of describing things. It’s very funny. Freezer drip...I feel that. I suppose now we have an answer for why bakers don’t always put stuff in the freezer.

How much you want to bet Peter’s brownies are delicious and Paul is just taking it out on him because they’re not plain brownies.

Laura...oh no...Paul is gonna shit on her for it. Prue and Paul shut up about the topping.

Fuck off Paul, he just doesn’t like ruby chocolate and will shit on people for it. I agree with Laura, ruthless.

They’re once more hitting Mark with the stupid too sweet comment. What does Paul mean about the textures comment? Is he just mad about the biscuit base at all?

Of course Hermine got knocked for white chocolate. I didn’t think her flavors sounded like too much...

It seems like they just don’t like anyone’s brownie bakes.

Paul??? Why the fuck are you coming down on Hamish for being messy at the end? They were hot? The bake was good on those.

Moral of the story is that they didn’t want the contestants to do anything but a basic brownie. Like Lottie said, they all tried something different and Paul and Prue were basic as all hell and grossed out by everyone’s brownie variations. Like...what did they think they were going to get? This is Bake-Off, they’re always talking about creativity (and this season they literally saved Rowan for a week based on ideas alone). The inconsistency from P&P is ridiculous.

Mark don’t worry, the audience knows Paul and Prue are full of shit.

Paul, fuck off with the brownie challenge was easy.

Prue stop lurking.

aksdjfakjhdf oh no babka technical.

Well, with any luck Peter will remember what it is from previous seasons so maybe at least one of them stand a chance. I don’t trust whether they’ve been given detailed enough instructions.

Make the dough. Of course.

“Here we are again trying to make rectangles out of circles” iconic words from Lottie again.

LOL SURA THIS IS ALL EXTRA IT’S TOO LONG. Nervous for her for that decision.

How much you want to bet none of them had enough time for proving and baking really. It seems like very few of them have gotten theirs to increase anywhere near enough in size.

Good to see Peter’s looks good. Even though it hasn’t risen “as much” that tells me they had not enough time to prove really.

The fact that plaits didn’t seem to correspond to their taste conclusions tells me maybe they need to think harder about their judging criteria/maybe they are shitty tasters.

“bobka” you’re a judge Prue.

askdfjhasdfkh the fucking weather during chocolate challenges I’m praying for Sura but it’s summer.

OMG NOEL AND MATT’S INTRO TO THE SHOWSTOPPER I’M DYING. No more nappy for Paul!

Ah fuck white chocolate...here’s hoping Paul and Prue don’t slam them for sweetness. White chocolate is sweet. Also the decorations...in the tent...they’ll probably make them temper.

THERE WE GO FUCKING PAUL SAYS TEMPERED AND ALSO SAYS THEY MAY START TO MELT TF DO YOU EXPECT MAN. YOU TELL THEM TO MAKE WHITE CHOCOLATE DECORATIONS ok I’m probably gonna be pissed at this judging.

You only have to be not the worst??? What a vote of confidence in her abilities Prue.

I’m afraid for Sura. We know they do POC dirty and they were explicitly like “you did badly yesterday”.

ohh I’m scared for Peter...chocolate collars...hot tent...fingers crossed

I think Hamish should take Matt’s advice. Or maybe Matt should take Hamish’s advice and do it himself.

“The directions were brilliant” no they weren’t Linda. No they weren’t. Don’t give the bearded man a compliment.

I’m glad Matt is being realistic about Prue and Paul’s sweetness bs. Call! Them! Out!

Peter, the cake-whisperer listening to his cakes.

Oh. It’s too warm. Who knew that was gonna happen. And Paul’s gonna punish them for it as though he could deal with this warmth.

We went from one hour to ten minutes in no time at all...

I’m worried, they all seem like they’re struggling with the white chocolate temps. Peter said he needed chilling time and it doesn’t look like he’ll get any.

Less is not more, I feel that Lottie!

Worried about Sura...she seems stressed. Hamish is trying to help her...but she is many stress...

I’m surprised they think Mark’s looks good? I thought it looked a little plain.

It needs more of a hero flavor??? WHITE CHOCOLATE ISN’T AN OOMPHY FLAVOR!!!!! WHAT DID YOU EXPECT!

Lottie’s looks lovely.

I don’t think Sura’s looks bad! The cakes are a little tilty but the chocolate work is nice! Oh no :’(. Paul took a jab at her recipe since she mentioned the water, really only the bottom sponge seemed underbaked though? Really worried for her.

I mean white chocolate means a darker sponge no? Why’d he slam Dave for it? I feel like everyone has dark sponge edges, they’ve just covered it up with icing!

Hamish’s cake looks cute! I’m glad he got compliments for it.

I’m glad Paul liked Peter’s cake. It seemed a little like Prue had a...more negative comment.

I actually like the way Laura’s looks? It’s like intentionally messy! Which is nice! At least they liked the taste.

I’m living for everyone making fun of Prue’s weird wiggle-moan when she tasted Hermine’s cake.

They’re being clear that they want Sura to go and I am Not Happy About It. I agree with Noel, I love Lottie and Sura, neither of them should go. No one leave the tent. Ever. Everyone bakes on.

I think I like this bunch too much/they feel a lot more level with each other from bake to bake so the bitterness for people going home is just...gonna be heightened for the rest of the competition. Glad Mark won star baker though!

Of course they’re sad that she’s leaving. This is why Sura should have won star baker week one. She deserved it then.

This group seems really close. Probs the effect of being quarantined together.

Sura :’(