#jude watches ooo

[scaredysap]

Ankh is being relatable again

He is also being gay. Bird sees bright colours and is instantly paying attention.

[skitskatdacat63]

Everyone in The Talented Mr Ripley is just the physical embodiment of a Leyendecker painting(including the homoerotica!!)

[cosmicpearlz]

seeing green

summary: realistically, you have no right being jealous but you couldn't help it. he is yours whether anyone knew it or not.

pairing: jude bellingham x reader

situationships were funny when it came down to being possessive over someone whose not yours officially. you and jude had been secretly seeing each other. calling each other at different times to meet each other's needs. it all started from a drunken kiss.

-the kiss-

"stop looking at me like that bellingham," you said, while slightly smirking at the boy sitting right next to you. you came over to jude's house because it was a stressful day. he suggested a couple drinks to unwind the day. leading you guys here.

"like what?"

"you know what I'm talking about," as you replied, jude slowly grew a grin on his face. he watched you with hooded eyes and licked his lips, taking in the sight of you.

"it's not my fault you're sitting here looking so fucking pretty."

"stop that."

"no. i'm really enjoying my view."

neither one of you realized how you guys shifted closer to each other on the couch. the soft sounds of the tv becoming background noise as you guys stared in each other's eyes.

"can i kiss you?"

"are you drunk?"

"nah, just tipsy. are you drunk love?"

"no sir, i'd say i'm just tipsy too."

"won't that ruin our friendship jude?" his hand inched up your thigh, caressing it. you looked down at his hand connected to your thigh and slightly smiled.

"just one kiss. then we'll be right back to the same y/n and jude that we've always been."

"just one kiss, right? it won't hurt us."

"it won't hurt us," jude echoed you. nose to nose now, jude seals the deal by kissing you.

the kiss starting off slow. his gentle touch paired with his soft lips, sent butterflies through your stomach. jude wraps his arms around your waist to pull you into his lap. once you settled in his lap, his fingers move under your shirt. brushing over the bare skin. you continued to explore each other as the kiss began to heat up. becoming more messy and eager. he licks your bottom lip and you were quick to grant him access. tongues fighting for dominance, causing you to grin into the kiss.

the kiss coming to end, jude lays a couple of pecks to your lips before you both pulled away. you shook your head with a smile and turned away from his gaze.

"that is the first and last time we kiss mr. bellingham," you hold up your pinky, to make a weak pinky promise.

"first and last time. scouts honor," he locks his pinky with yours and matches the grin you have. you giggled, making jude join into the laugher.

-

it wasn't the last time. in fact, you guys had share multiple kisses even without having drinks. which is why you held your drink tightly in your hand, as you watched him talk to another girl. seeing Jude smile and laugh with her, made your chest burn with jealousy.

"you alright mate?" you turn your head to find jobe standing next to you.

"of course, why wouldn't i be?"

"maybe because jude is standing there talking to another girl."

"we're best friends. definitely not together, so he can talk to who he wants."

"y'know i thought green would be your color. just maybe not this shade of green," you gasp and playfully slap the younger boy's shoulder. jobe chuckles and moves back, in hopes of not getting hit again.

"this is why jude's the better bellingham," you stick your tongue out and walk away from jobe with a small smile. jude takes this as a sign to excuse himself and follow you.

"fancy seeing you here."

"did you really follow me all the way outside?"

"well yes. did you really leave because you saw me with another girl?"

"maybe," you sip on your drink and turn your head away from him. jude moves closer to you and wraps his arm around your waist. bringing a hand to your chin, he turns your head to face him again.

"were you really jealous?"

"so what if I am?"

"ooo you wanna kiss me so bad, dontcha?" you laughed, pushing him away.

"shut up."

"c'mere, we're not done," he pulls you into him by your arm. you guys were chest to chest, as you looked up at him. brown eyes staring right back at you.

"i fear i ruined our friendship," you whispered to him, holding the intense eye contact.

"me too."

"what does this mean?"

"that i've been yours since we started hooking up."

"really?"

"yes darling. you literally have nothing to worry about."

"good, because i don't like to share."

"that's really funny because i don't either," jude pulls you into kiss. silently confirming that you guys are taking the steps to be exclusive. he was yours and you were his. although, he's really always been yours.

[yeahxsurexokay13]

fraternising with the enemy - jude bellingham

part iii - the 'liking each other's posts' phase

summary: jude and maia keep liking each other's posts on social media and that's enough to spark rumours

judebellingham

Liked by jobebellingham and 2.169.420 others

judebellingham Happy new year everyone and thank you for the support over this past year, hope you all have a great 2023! Love from 22.🫶���

view all 7.235 comments

judefan1 England diamond boyyyy 💎

judefan2 Happy New Year ❤️

user1 legend 💪

user2 Bellingoat 🐐

user3 Not me looking if Maia liked or commented 💀💀

user3 she did like btw

judefan3 Happy New Year. This year is your year. Best is yet to come 🔥🔥🔥

maia.graceee

liked by judebellingham and 2.094.981 others

maia.graceee 🎬 and that's a wrap on 'the artful dodger'!!!!! to everyone involved in this show in one way or another, thank you for making going to work so far away from home so fun and easy. and to you guys, cannot wait for you to meet lady belle xx

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maia.graceee ALL EPISODES STREAMING NOVEMBER 29TH ON @/disneyplus AND @/hulu !!! i forgot to say ):

user1 SHE COSTARS WITH THOMAS BRODIE SANGSTER?!!!

fan1 I will watch EVERYTHING you are in!!❤️

lucasjames.t vale, ahora vuelve a casa 🤧🤧🤧 [ok, now come home]

maia.graceee omwww 🤭

fan2 Aujfkghkkgl qué ganas!!!!!!!! [can't wait!!!!]

user2 Ooo I love Victorian surgery content. Confused about how this could be a Disney show but I’ll give it a go 😂

jamestaylor Go Maia go Maia go!!! xx

maia.graceee miss uuuuu papa xx

user3 TOMMY AND MAIA TOMMY AND MAIA TOMMY AND MAIA

fan3 blonde maia is the superior maia. i said what i said.

fan4 omg please tell me the accent stays

madelyncline seated!!! liked by maia.graceee

judebellingham

Liked by maia.graceee and 4.019.657 others

judebellingham ☕

view all 17.943 comments

judefan1 Please stay in Dortmund

fan1 don't think we don't see you @/maia.graceee 👀

judefan2 it's giving bf material 😭😭😩😩🙏🙏

user1 Omg he’s drinking coffee which has the letter e in it and so does liverpool so he’s coming to liverpool😱😱😱

judefan3 bro said: pov: ur on a date w me

user2 i can kinda see what all the girls see in him tbh

judefan4 kinDA?!?

fan2 😍😍😍😍😍😍

judefan5 @/maia.graceee still in the likes 👁️👄👁️

user3 i think enough time has passed to go to the next level: commenting each other

judefan5 i'd diEEEEEE

maia.graceee

Liked by judebellingham and 3.090.238 others

maia.graceee hogar dulce hogar [home sweet home]

view all 4.261 comments

user1 i always forget she's spanish lol

fan6 she's half spanish. her dad is english!

fan1 THAT LAST SLIDE WITH PEDRI GAVI BALDE AND RAPHINA IN CAMP NOU 🥹🥹🥹🥹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

mikkykiemeney missed you ❤️ liked by maia.graceee

fan2 GUAPÍSIMA [so beautiful]

fan3 hiiii @/judebellingham 😉

siramartinezc ♥️ liked by maia.graceee

user2 are u going to barça next week?

pedri Bienvenida de vuelta ❤️ [welcome back]

user3 ngl there was a time when i shipped this

alejandrobalde ❤️

judefan1 a like's gonna get u nowhere mAN UP AND COMMENT @/judebellingham

fan4 Maia en España >>>>>>> [maia in spain>>>>>>]

fan5 @/fan6 mira la última!!!🤩 [look at the last one!!!]

fan6 ojalá ser ella... 🤧🤧 [oh to be her...]

judebellingham

Liked by

judebellingham Bittersweet. Means close to nothing to me without the championship. Nevertheless, just wanted to thank all the players and fans that voted and also for supporting me this season. Lastly, it’s impossible for me to perform without the help of my brilliant teammates! Time to recover physically and mentally to be ready for next season🙌🏽

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blackyellow 🖤💛

jackgrealish 🔝🔝🔝🔝 liked by judebellingham

user1 Bellingham's brother looks more like Bellingham than Bellingham himself

fan3 I think this is the first time I'm earlier than @/maia.graceee

user2 We love you jude ❤

judefan1 🥹🫶🏻 proud

judefan2 That’s my boy 🫶🏾

erling.haaland What a guy 🙏🏻 liked by judebellingham

fan1 so deserved!

user3 much deserved, man!!💛

maia.graceee congrats jude!! x

judebellingham thank you Maia! xx

judefan3 I SCREAMED WTF

fan2 we got a comment!!!!! freaKING FINALLY

judefan4 I -

user4 ok now date

[footballerimaginess]

Ooo I know it may be late but could you with Jude and the twins having a fun day with the reader at home please

The sun was shining in Germany, it was beautiful. The twins were outside playing with each other on the swings. "This is so fun isn't. It feels so good to have you home for once" you smiled as Jude passed you a glass of wine. "Thank you" you smiled. "It is, I am very happy with being home. I am glad I built that swing set though, they seem to be having so much fun" Jude said as he watched on. "Yeah, but you know they will start fighting pretty soon" you told him as you could just tell the calmness in the garden, was a little too calming. "More than likely, but lets enjoy the sun and little bit of peace we have" Jude did a cheers with your glass, nodding in agreement.

[thigh-o-saur]

"J-Jude Please.... I need it faster...PLEASE!” Carden’s moans echoed around their bedroom as Jude’s fingers slowly went in and out of cardans rosy hole. Jude smiled at her husbands soggy cock and reached out, slowly stroking the top just barely enough to be called a tease. “If your going to fuck me do it faster!” Cardans voice shouted . “how can such a naughty boy like you beg for me for your own pleasure?” Jude slurred her words in such a manner that Cardan’s ass seemed to relax. Unfortunately for him Jude was just started. She was a hard one to please, and when you were tied up unable to pleasure her, much less yourself, any pleasure you would have liked to received at the start of the heated game would be gone. “Bunny~ if you keep screaming like that the whole castle may awake... that would be troublesome wouldn't it?” she said as her free hand caressed his reddening arse. then...SMACK! Cardan screamed in shock mixed with something close enough to lust and raised his arse even higher for his master. Jude roughly took out her fingers, not caring if her nails scratched the insides of his slutty hole. She knelt there with a belt that contained beautiful rubies implanted on top of it. “I need to punish you. If you cant even control you humiliating cock from dripping with pre cum then how can you expect to penetrate me?” Cardan shuddered and let out another girly scream as the belt came into contact with his royal arse. It wasn't long before his arse looked like something close enough to a rebellious animal being punished by their master. "Cardan... I'm feeling rather nice today so I'm giving you one more chance before I turn you into my real pet... So, try begging for me again." Jude whispered into his ear. "B-but... Jude.... I just- AHH~ It hurts!! W-what was that..." Jude sneered at her littles pet cock wetting his bed that would cost more than all her belongings put together. "What a snarly bitch. You didn't like what I stuck in your tight fucking arse? Do you want me to... Pull it out? One word Cardan. One word and I'll relieve you of the pain your in and we can go back to normal. No more playing around just business. What do you say?" Cardan turned his head to try and catch a glimpse of what Jude had used against him this time. But then SLAP! Jude hit Cardan against his cheek so hard you could see her hand print. " When did I say you could look? I asked you a question and you will answer before anything else. How hard is that to understand you whore? I should have put you in your place long ago. If I had known you had been such a cock-sucking masochistic prince I would have taken that to my advantage. Fucking your royal pussy In front of your loyal subjects. I'm sure they would go help you if they weren't too busy jerking off to your girly moans." Cardan shuddered at her words with images slowly forming in his broken mind. Before Cardan could reply to her idea his cock twitched and his ass dropped onto her lap in surprise. "Ooo what do we have here~ . Everyone's beloved little princes hole got even tighter now... What a slut." Jude spat the last words out of her mouth like they were poison to her, but for the little pet, it was something that would give him shivers up his spine.

He was close. Jude didn't need to even use her hands, she knew every part of cardans body. “So .Is the little bitch going to beg or are we going to finish some paperwork instead? Choose wisely cock-sucker.” Jude smirked as she watched Cardans body pause at her question and it looked like he was actually considering the question, but Jude knew his answer anyway. Anyone could tell by the way his cock was dripping. "P-please fuck me... M-mommy..." Jude smiled. And so she thrusted a dildo back in. It was truly a beautiful sight. The dildo was quite the sight of. A nice mint green made with bulging veins . Not to mention it was one of the biggest toys they owned. A 12 inch dick for her little bitch. What a good fit. She relaxed as she let Cardan do all the work, jumping up and down on the dildo himself. Cardans countless moans escaped their chambers to the whole castle to hear. It even reached the servants ears. "What's that noise?" Asked the new maid that arrived yesterday "a newbie huh? Don't worry about it. Its just the king and queen playing with each other. It happens a lot wherever and whenever so get use to it." Said maid no.1 "B-but the king sounds like he's in pain... Shouldn't we help him or something? The queen is known to be merciless... Maybe I should bring a first aid kit for him?" Said the newbie maid "HAHAAHAHAH ! Oh god. You really are stupid you know. Tell me are you in a relationship?" Asked maid no.2 "W-well yeah... " Stuttered the newbie "then who does the main work?" Asked maid no.2 "W-hat do you mean?" Maid no.2 sighed "I mean who is the dominant one in your relationship when you are in bed?" The maid blushed but managed to utter that it was her husband. "Well for the king and queen it is the opposite. The queen is the dominant one. Quite fitting considering how much Cardan can suck up to someone as long as they can make him submit. You should have seen him at the last ball with the queen. He was sitting on her lap and rubbing down so hard! Not to mention she was wearing shorts with a strap on on.He was so horny everyone could see his cock through his cloths but he didn't even care! but the queen wouldn't allow him to sit on it so all he could do was pleasure himself by rubbing his ass on it. It was hilarious to watch honestly. And it also revealed who fancies who~ you see the ball was themed on showing as much skin without revealing all of it. You could easily see who was getting hard or wet while watching the king. Actually most of the nobles were horny." The newbie looked shocked and didn't hesitate any longer to run away in a flush.

Back in the bedroom

Cardan was ties up with pretty green ropes and a neon pink but plug in his ass, his eyes were blindfolded and his dick was tightly tied up separately so Jude can pull it like a collar. "Hmmmm we're missing something... What is it?" Murmured Jude "Oh! I know..." There was some rustling but it wasn't soon after that Cardan found himself wearing a girls lingerie. It was a cute black laced panties and the bra was the same but the reason why this one stood out was because the back of the panties where the ass will be shown and the bra where the nipples would be there would be a hole so you could see everything if your partner was walking, kneeling or anything really. The pink but plug also had a cute little pigs tail on it. Not to mention Cardan also had a little black chocker which came as a deal with the lingerie which had a bell on so the owner would now wherever they were. Honestly, Jude spoiled him too much. She untied his blindfold and the rope which left a cute bruise around his body. "Cardan,baby, do you like your surprise? I especially bought it for you~ . Oh wait, I forgot the gag was still on. Oh well it's easier access. Now.. shall we go for a walk and get some exercise?" Cardan's eyes widened in horror as he new the nobles would be around and there were many maids which were working but of course Jude didn't mind because they were all under her thumb. Not to mention she lets them play with him however they desire. "MMNngnnmMN MMOOGNNnmN!!" ( No, I'm begging you mummy please not!!) . SLAP! Jude hit him right across his ass as he tried to scream in pain "it's not your choice so hush and wiggle your tail for me" Cardans eyes watered but shook his ass to make the pig tail wiggle. Jude laughed aloud to the scene. It was truly a sight. Jude grabbed hold of the rope tied tightly to his dick and pulled at it with force. He screamed in pain but crawled to her to try ease the force. This was soon happening as they were walking through the palace corridors. Cardan knew whoever they spot first would get to fuck Cardan senseless and leave his used body for the others but his body was a bit too sensitive after all the hitting and whipping.

He crawled on his hands and knees trying to match the pace Jude was walking at but that was hard considering his body was trembling with pain but its not like he would ask her to stop abusing him like that anyway. He enjoyed it too much.

They had almost walked across the whole palace and that meant that they could go back to their room and have some real fun in bed but of course nothing went to plan.

Maid.1 "O-oh... Miss... Sir? " Jude laughed and said there was no need to call him sir because he was just a horny pig that doesn't deserve respect. "Am I the first person today miss?" Asked the maid slowly rubbing her thighs together Jude hummed in answer and the maid knew what that meant.

"ass up, pig"

Cardan gulped but done as he was told. He wasn't in the position to argue. The maid lifted her skirt to reveal a good sized dildo that was textured in bumps and warts and veins and spikes. Cardan visibly shuddered but that didn't stop his dick from hardening.

She pulled out the pig tail excruciatingly slow and slowly pushed it in and out again until cardans body seemed to relax a bit thanks to the slow pace that almost lulled him to sleep.

And then... SQUELCH!! She stuffed the dick right in surprising cardan as he tried to scream in some sort of pain.

[glassbxttless]

ooo any headcanons for giving jude head at the bookstore?

One of your dates for your weekly date night is picking out a book in the tiny little corner shop for each other.

And Jude is deliberate in his picking, taking the time to scan over each book.

And you can hardly stand how good he looks in those jeans and his sweater. “Babe.” You smile, waving your hand over to him.

He carries two different choices over to you and starts to speak before you’re looking around and tugging at his belt. “What are you doing?”

“No one’s around here.” You say softly and smile at him, sinking to your knees.

“The shop keeper is.” He says quietly as he just watches you work his jeans open. “Dove...”

And he’s holding onto one of the shelves as you swallow him down quickly. Trying to get him off before you get caught.

[thosebrookfieldgirls]

So what animal plushies do you think the girls would pick for the sledding event if they where all in it?

Ooo always a good question

Val: Mountain Lion, why? Because she just thought of one of the bigger predators that would be native to a mountain (and Kris already chose hers and she didn't want to be called a copy cat)

Kris: Wolf, easily. They are fierce and powerful though not as quick as something like a deer. She also like the idea of something with teeth.

Anne: a bird, she would be in it more for the experience then anything else and so using one of the more unconventional animals like a bird seems fun to her

Jude: Fox, she just thinks they are underappriciated for forest critters and so so would love to race with one even if they aren't very strong

Kim: Chipmunk. She loved watching them eat the snacks she would lay out for them when she was younger and just thinks they are the cutest

Eva: Racoon, for the soul purpose of getting to say the meme she was racing with a trash panda like herself (and beating Idia with meme joke builds brings her joy in life)

Fiona: Very basic and choses a deer, same as Jade. She really doesn't care though because the idea of racing with plushies always just sounds super cool.

[scaredysap]

I'm having. very normal. and average thoughts. about the sounds Ankh makes when he's hurting. nothing out of the ordinary. just. I'm feeling nothing at all

[struggling-with-time]

Ooo i have a sentence for the 24 day of Corpse, my sentence: "Yeah, I'm the top donor for the The Game Theory $1,000,000 Challenge for St. Jude! And yes I did donate all of my savings and like all of my money." -hairbrush anon (p.s.-sorry if its long, but im watching the stream rn and its cool but my friend wanted this sentence so yeah)

Added,

Also welcome back hairbrush anon ♡

[echo-inthevoid]

107-third degree

The lightless flame?? Please stay safe Jon...

Ah right, we're in America. 

Mm Jon thinks someones following him, and I want to agree that he's probably just being jumpy. Usually I would immediately assume that someone is definitely following him since he mentioned it, but Jonny is a genius writer and makes his characters be paranoid and consistently wrong about stuff so I honestly don't know. 

Ok wait... Gertrude isn't actually Gerrard's mom this guy just assumed that, right? Ya. Cause Gerrards mom is Mary. 

Usher foundation? Is that another sister institute? I wonder if there's a mundane reason for there being a bunch of them or if there's a spooky reason there's a bunch spread all over the world? Or.. Is there a bunch or is it just those three? 

Oh Gerrard died from a seizure? A spooky seizure? Or... I think it was mentioned he had cancer? Or was that someone else? 

A cop? 

Jon maybe... Maybe don't use your compelling so much. Especially with this guy watching you. 

Ok ya Gerard had cancer. 

Oh? She broke into where they were keeping his body?? Maybe he wasn't dead? Or she did spooky things to him and he undied? Cause like Ya he showed up at some point after he was dead right? 

Also not sure how I feel about Gertrude always pretending to be Gerrards mother? Like... Probably better than Marry tbh, but considering what she did to Michael I'm worried for our Gerrard. 

Also! This is completely off topic, but they never did explain how Jon tracked down Jude Perry or Mike Crew?? Like he just found them?? Was that spooky eye stuff, like he just Knew where they were? Like how he just knew Gerrard worked with Gertrude? Or was there an explanation but I missed it? -anyway.

Jon's not feeling well? Maybe he used his compelling too much.

Oooh! Spooky thing? She did spooky things to his dead body? ...good spooky things or bad spooky things...?

Ya stop compelling people u dum dum ur gonna make yourself sick. Or maybe it's cause he's away from the institute? 

Elias! ):<

Oh. Ya maybe reading a statement will make him feel better? Tho didn't Elias say reading them was draining or something? 

Hmm is this guy who's interrogating him maybe that other Archivist? 

Ah yes lightless flame. 

Ya it sounds like this guy is compelling him. 

Weird... Is this guy with both the lightless flame and the eye? Or can all avatars compel people? 

Ey! He's feeling better! So the statement did help. Maybe it was draining only in the beginning, I think in context Elias was talking about when Jon first started reading statements when he said they were draining. 

Also is that a smile I hear in Jons voice!! Did he just smile? ;-; please read all the statements u need Jon.

Uh oh. 

Julia?

"Who are you"

"You don't know me?" 

"Should I?"

"No! -i guess. Just, I mean, everyone normally seems to."

"Good for you."

"Not really."

XD I love this exchange. She doesn't seem so bad. As far as people who try to kill Jon go anyway. 

Ooo is she a hunter?

"Kidnapped... Again." XD Jon. 

Yes! Someone who pronounces Gerrard correctly!!! Ahhh! 

Oh. She's the daughter of Robert Montauk? (Who's he again?)

Nonojon don't ask any questions. You know how bad of an idea that is with avatars she's obviously an avatar -oh no.

 "Hunting" ey I was right! (please don't be hunting Jon!)

What's happening? They got pulled over... Is she hunting the police guy who was following Jon? Maybe that's why she kidnapped him? To lure out the police guy? 

Why's he so suspicious of her? Just cause Jon seems to not have his passport or whatever with him? I mean ya she's being a bit- ohaksbdkdhsbdbdjdhdn!? What? Did she just shoot him??

What? Oh there was a guy in the trunk and he shot the police guy? How'd they know he would look in the trunk? 

Ey!! Vampire dude! 

Ok so ya sounds like they were hunting the police guy. I wonder why he was following jon anyway? 

I'm so excited to finally meet vampire dude! He was always so cool! Sjhdkdjsj

[holdthosebees]

Never Quite Free

Author’s Note: Part 2 of my series, WKELTAOTTMGATMASFAB. Part 1 and explanation here. In this installment: Jon and Martin, in (web-induced) retirement.

Pairing: Jon/Martin, kind of

Quote: Just the whole damned song.

It shouldn’t be possible, the level of domesticity they fall into. They move out into the countryside, away from London and the Institute, and into a tiny little house with a blue door and a neat little garden plot. Fewer people means fewer temptations on Jon’s part, although sometimes he passes someone in the produce aisle or in line to buy coffee and just knows, in that terrible visceral way, and he wants. If Martin is with him, and he usually is, he’ll put a hand on Jon’s shoulder or back and steer him away, the touch gentle but firm. If Martin isn’t with him, Jon will ball his own hands into fists in his pockets and bite down on his tongue until the urge vanishes or the person leaves. Some days, it’s all he can do not to chase after them. Martin gives him a worry stone with a depression like a thumbprint in the center, and its weight in his pocket is both promise and constraint. Another anchor.

    Martin gets a job as an assistant at a bookshop. It doesn’t pay much, but they have the funds they took from the Institute when they left, which they know no one will come looking for. Basira promised them as much, when she took over as head. It was enough to buy the house, and it’s enough that Jon doesn’t have to work, not yet. Instead he spends his days cleaning and gardening and cooking and trawling the internet for supernatural forums, tracking any sign of the lightless flame, or the web. It isn’t enough. Basira sends him statements every month, wrapped up neatly in a cardboard box. These also aren’t enough. 

When he gets the package Jon spends the next three days holed up in his room, reading, devouring. He is no longer the Archivist, but once you are marked you can never return to what you were. Martin leaves food on a tray outside of the door and knocks every night to remind him to sleep. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn’t. When he emerges finally after those three days Martin takes the rest of the statements up to the attic for later, then manhandles him into the shower. Their life together is full of many petty intimacies, some of them uncomfortable; Martin’s hands against his scalp while he washes out his hair is one of Jon’s favorites, although he would never admit it out loud. He can tip his head back under the hot water, sated and safe, and allow himself a short period of rest. 

It doesn’t come easy. The nightmares haven’t stopped, although the new ones come less frequently. One morning he remarks to Martin over breakfast that perhaps he is outliving the statement givers. He makes a joke about hunting them down and killing them for a good night’s sleep, and Martin purses his lips and unfolds his morning paper a little too roughly in response. Later, Jon insists on doing the dishes even though he cooked, and Martin insists on helping even though he’s wearing a decent button up because he has a shift soon, and they even sing a long a little to the radio as they clean. 

This is something Jon has discovered about Martin since they moved in together: he likes to sing, is good at it if he thinks no one is listening, but will try to hit the high notes even if they’re way out of his range. It was annoying, until it wasn’t. And then eventually it was annoying again, but a different, softer kind of annoying, and Jon felt comfortable in the fact that even if he complained Martin would not stop singing, not entirely. 

There’s a cat in the bookstore where Martin works, and Jon starts bringing him lunch as an excuse to see the cat, and then just to get out of the house. This is how he meets Martin’s coworkers: Allen, the owner, who is slowly going deaf. His granddaughter, Kelly, who smells like bubblegum and has never left this tiny town. Amina, who keeps lizards and asks Jon leading questions about how he and Martin met and how long they’ve been roommates, and how nice it is that they’ve found each other. Jon doesn’t bother correcting her. There aren’t words to describe the ways in which he and Martin are connected to one other, not in English, but the closest one is probably husband. 

The world goes on. Jon gets occasional emails from Daisy with rambling updates, most of the information personal. Mixed into the snippets of office gossip and meditation on new tattoos are bits of important information: the Lonely was going to attempt another ritual, the Vast made an attack on the archive, Basira came in one morning and found her entire office covered in cobwebs. Always long after the fact, too long for him to be of any use. He tries not to miss it.

Whenever he thinks about returning to the Archive he remembers the door in his mind, and it is only the thrumming of the thread that binds him to Martin that prevents him from trying to go back. Even for a moment. Just to see a sliver of that endless ocean of knowledge, pure and beautiful. It makes his head ache just imagining it, and he can feel the press of Martin’s concerned disapproval. 

They are tethered to each other, and eventually to the house as well, and Jon does his best to make peace with that. He mostly succeeds, although not without incident. It is five years after they moved in together, five and a half since what Jon has privately and sardonically started to refer to their ‘wedding night,’ when Jude Perry finds them. Martin is at work. Jon is busy in the garden, weeding out the basil. The summer sun is hot on his back, and he stops to wipe sweat off his forehead and grab a drink of water when he sees her. 

She’s leaning on the fence, her arms crossed, watching him. When they make eye contact, she waves, a sarcastic little flip of the hand. Jon stands slowly--his legs aren’t what they used to be, are aging as fast as his mostly-grey hair--and walks down the garden path towards her. He stops three feet away, his burned hand tucked out of sight in his pocket. 

“What do you want?” he says. Once, it would have stopped Jude Perry cold, holding her in place until he’d drained her of information and fear. Now, she only laughs. 

“Don’t even try it, Archivist,” she says. “Except, you’re not the archivist anymore, are you? Pathetic. I was just in the area, thought I’d drop by. See where the Mother of Puppets stashed you away.” 

“Don’t try anything,” Jon says. He puts a little force behind it, voice dropping into a growl. 

“Or what?” Jude is clearly enjoying herself. The wooden fence post has started to smoke where it meets her skin. “You’ll throw a trowel at me? Ooo, scary.”

“I might, if you don’t go away.” 

“Tell me,” she says, tilting her head to the side, “does it hurt, being put out to pasture like a lame mare? Knowing that your little friends in the institute are harnessing the power that should have been yours? Does it rankle, being shackled at the leg to that useless man--”

“That’s enough,” Jon says, with more confidence than he feels. He hefts the trowel menacingly. “Tell me what you’re doing here, or get out.” 

“Don’t fuck with me, Archivist,” Jude Perry says. Her fingers tighten on the rail, and the smell of woodsmoke fills the air. “I could burn this all down around your ears. Maybe you’d even thank me, eventually, for freeing you. If I don’t kill you first.”

“No,” Jon says. “I don’t think you can.”

Jude Perry says nothing. Her upper lip peels back, revealing teeth. 

“If you could,” Jon continues, emboldened, “you’d have done it already. I don’t think the web will let you. For whatever reason, it wants me alive. And you’re not powerful enough to fight the web, not yet. Not on your own.” 

“You’re pathetic,” Jude Perry says. “There’s nothing here worth burning.” She turns away, gives him a jaunty salute as she leaves. Over her shoulder, she calls, “You can’t pretend forever, you know!” 

Jon watches her go. He has clenched his burnt hand too hard; it throbs where his fingernails dug into the skin. Martin will be home in three hours, at which point they will make dinner in companionable silence. If it’s a nice night, they’ll take chairs out to the back deck, and eat while watching the stars. Jon will ask Martin about work, and Martin will ask Jon about the garden. They’ll ignore the strands that bind them together so tightly that sometimes Jon takes in a breath and feels Martin let it out, and they’ll ignore the fact that Jon barely picks at his food and Martin flinches and goes still whenever he sees a house centipede or an ordinary earthworm, and later on in bed they will cling to one another and whisper where only the night can hear them of the dead, of Tim and Sasha and Martin’s mother and everything else they’ve lost, or else they’ll lie in silence and wait for the tide of distant and unforgiving dreams to break. “I know,” Jon says. Then he turns, and walks back to the garden. There is still work to be done before nightfall, and the basil isn’t going to weed itself.

[dreamteamn]

When you get this, please respond with five things that make you happy. Then send to the last ten people in your notifications anonymously!

Wow wow thank youuu ~ !!

1. Zhong Chenle 2. Doing my hw early (doesn’t happen very often)3. Getting asks like this :DD 4. Or any kinds of asks for that matter :DDDDD5. Sleep

[praphit]

Captain Marvel: I dream of Breezy

People, the time has come!

Ever since we saw Nick Fury sending out a message at the end of "Infinity War", we've been waiting... which in the moment seemed out of place. The world is literally disappearing before our eyes, The Avengers took a big L, and Nick Fury decides to... what? pull out some high-tech weapon to save the day? - no. Pull out some type of device that will save himself from disappearing? - no. But, he's got time to take a selfie or tell his women "bye" - or so I thought. He was actually sending a message to the mysterious (at the time) Captain Marvel!

BOOM!

Brie Larson, who plays CM, was always hanging out at Marvel events, and we finally figured out why. It was strange at some of these events tho... like the Black Panther Party - all of these people from Wakanda -

- and then there's Brie Larson.

And they're like "What the hell, woman?! Why are you here?!"

But, now we KNOW! - she's Captain Marvel!

SPLADOW

- and she's going to play a huge role in saving the day. Then, we found out that she's getting her own movie, and it's about damned time it has arrived.

I had a dream about Brie the night before this movie's release. She was sitting on the couch, and was upset about something. She also had... well, maybe she was pregnant... or she had a beer gut. But, in this dream, I remember feeling a deep love for Brie, so even if it was a beer gut, it didn't matter to me. It would also mean tht she's passionate about beer, which I am as well:)

I don't know if we were a couple, or if she was the other woman, or if I was the other man... or if I was trapped in the friend zone, and thought I'd use this time of her being upset to break free and into her arms... Who knows?? I also don't know what she was upset about. But, towards the end of the dream, I was on the couch with her, giving her a hug:) - she let me, so I know she wasn't upset at me. I woke up and shouted "Brie!" And within seconds, I realized it was all a dream... or was it? Maybe she's my wife in another dimension. We'll solve that mystery later, it felt real as hell tho.

Anyway! We have Brie as Capt M. We also have a digitally young Sam L Jackson!

Before the brooding, the scars, the all black uniform, the badass eye patch, and him demanding to know what's in my wallet, he was a young pup of a detective, who loves cats apparently. I was excited to see more of his story.

Jude Law is also in this movie. He's rockin that look when you're losing your hair, but you jell it up a bit to look like you're still young and hip. Some people can pull off the look, but it's always the beginning of mid-life crisis. Whenever I see people walking down the street with that look, I always tell them that I'm praying for them.

When was Jude's last big movie? I ask because Jude is supposed to be a big star right?? - or at least he was. Yet I never see him at any Marvel parties. Is he not invited? Why don't they like Jude? "Jude" is such a cool name. I'd want him at the party, so I could say things like "You know JUUUDE'S going to be here." and "Excuse me, but I need to go speak with JUUUDE." Why don't they want him there? Is it because of his mid-life crisis? I have a feeling that when rich, famous, white men go through their mid-life crisis that it's ten times worse than other non-those things people. Anyway, yet another mystery to solve.

Djimon Hounsou is up in there as well - I feel like he never gets enough credit for being in everything. And Ben Mendelsohn, who's frickin awesome as a villainous character.

We've got a great cast, some kick ass special effects (which btw they put their budget to good use - the bg's and fight scenes were dope), AND we got the 90's going on! We saw from the trailer that Capt Marvel smash-lands through the roof of a BlockBuster Video store. Memories, am I right?? Some of you are prob too young to remember the pain of renting a DVD season. I remember trying to rent epi's 3 & 4 or something, but they might only have 1 & 2 and 5-10. I'd have to search around at other BlockBuster's (especially if I promised a lovely lady on a date that we'd watch a certain episode when we got home) or say "eff it!" and watch it out of order. I used flirt with the clerks to ensure they'd lmk when the epi's I needed were in. Turnin BlockBuster tricks for episodes... the 90's were rough. The movie takes you down a fun lane of memories, if you remember those days tho.

In the midst of nostalgia Capt Marvel is snatched away from her successful life as a pilot, taken to space where she is made into the Capt Marvel that we come to know, finds herself back to earth to hang out with Sam L while piecing together the memories of her past, all while a war is going on with a shape-shifting alien race called "Skrulls"

 - they kinda look like Yoda's people.

Ooo! maybe tht's another mystery! It would fit too, because a lot of this movie feels like Star Wars - like Star Wars meets a 90's buddy cop sitcom.

I enjoyed the movie. I had a fun time with it. There are some compaints out there: Some wanted this movie to be deeper in story. Some wanted this movie to be more soaked in serious feminism. Some wanted this movie to be less soaked in general feminism. Some were bothered by Brie Larson, believing that she's too stoic in her delivery.

Um... I don't understand the complaints about feminism (on either side). If you are looking for the feminism, it's def there. BUT, if you simply want to enjoy a movie without too much serious world stuff in it, that's def there too. You'll see or not see whatever you want, I guess. I would compare this movie more to "Ant-Man" in tone. Not as goofy, but it stays fun and light.

Now, it definitely could have been a deeper movie - CM is kidnapped, violated, and lied to - but Marvel ain't dumb - they don't want THAT to be the kid's first impression of her - that might effect sales. Besides, we don't always have to be so serious and tense all of the time.

Ex. In Ant-Man, he always goes big at some point and ends up crushing people's property, and probably crushing people around him as well - we don't talk about that. And what about his manipulation of those ants?! When you think about it, that shit ain't right! But, we don't need to talk about it:)

And I'm of course going to defend my wife from another dimension (Breezy). A lot of her personality is implied from the flashbacks, but we see she's snarky, fun, and a bit of a loose canon. I understand to a degree what people are saying, but I think the blame goes more to the writers than Brie. Also, the fact that there's non-stop war going on throughout the movie, so there's not a whole lot of down time to get to know her in depth.

The writing to me, is the biggest flaw of this movie: The villainous character that Ben Mendelsohn plays brilliantly is inconsistent. In the beginning of the movie, he's no-nonsense "We need to kill her and anyone who gets in our way". Then, later on, it's like he joins in the 90's buddy cop sitcom fun. He's crackin jokes and talkin shit - which btw (and I admit this is a nitpick) how does he know how to use slang and idioms, if he'd never been to the planet before? I also have other questions about shape-shifting - like... they can change into whomever they see, but... how do they get the details right? - or do they? Let's say somebody has a third nipple and a bad case of athlete's foot... how could they get those deets down? or even the voice - how do they copy your insides? And how do they copy your mind enough to fool people? I'm getting way too deep into this, I suppose... more mysteries smh.

Can you imagine if we all had the ability to copy one another?? Which takes identity theft to a ho nova level. Also sexual harassment... I mean let's say you wanted to feel what Chris Hemsworth's butt felt like.... you kinda could whenever you wanted to. Like I said, we don't need to go deep with everything:)

The writing is also too quick; the whole movie is - we don't get to know much more about Fury or any of the characters really - especially CM. At the end of the movie, I found myself not being invested enough in Capt to care if a sequel is made. I mean, I care if my wife from another dimension gets more of that Marvel money, but that's something different. There's also a part in the movie when she realizes she has been lied to... she gets over this very quickly. Most of us with that type of power would have went on a drunken rampage, but she just throws a slight tizzy, and moves on to kick butt. It would have been a great time to show some human traits that would have helped us relate to this character.

I also fear that they might run into the prob they run into with Superman. Supe is sooooo powerful and he doesn't have many flaws. It's flaws that draw us to characters as much as anything. We didn't get enough of the human side of CM. BUT, all in all (like I said), I enjoyed the film. But, I didn't have any expectations going in. I think if you go in like that, you'll be satisfied.

Grade: B

I wonder if Brie had a dream about me as well. I wonder if she's blogging about some lovable, praphitic... and sexy black man whom she feels like she had a loving life with, but then woke up. She's probably telling someone right now "I was preggo with his beer child (idk what that is, but it's another dimension - diff rules) and he was about to comfort cuz I was upset over stubbing my toe." That's prob all it was right?? I guess we'll never know:)

[wellntruly]

THE YOUNG POPE - 1x04

In which a certain plot line almost loses me early on and then reels me RIGHT back in, in2 it. Also: Greenland? Greenland!

Honestly, after twee took randomness for a while, so glad the HBO Italians figured out how to get it back.

Young Pope Bloggin’ No. 4

please be the Pope on this horse please be the Pope on this horse pLEASE be the Pope on this horse

…it is a youth wearing a T-shirt with a face on it

[pointing like I’m Donald Sutherland in Invasion of the Body Snatchers] STIGMATA! wow only four eps in, nice work HBO u do deliver

THESE ARE THE ALL-THE-TIME CREDITS NOW HALLELUJAH

I’M LAUGHING

synchronized crucifix bowing, love it. I want it to someday transition into full-tilt dance choreography, Young Pope can you do that for me

ooo hey what’s up with his staticky voice, is this art or is this my internet connection. god isn’t that the phrase of Peak TV..

it’s how she hears through her hearing aids!!! that is not the answer I expected and I love it!! it’s not arty it’s neat!!!!

anyway Lenny’s once-per-episode quota of alluding to his doubt in God to someone has occurred within 5 minutes of this episode starting. he really is remarkably compelled to vaguely confess to people, have you noticed that?

[hushed] fuck

Voiello’s blinking bedside crucifix, omg

I exclaimed aloud! a shot

okay one momento — anyone in the audience Italian? is there a sugar shortage in your country or something? do you call it cane sugar to distinguish between other types of sweeteners? why does Voiello keep mentioning the act of procuring it, in short???

he’s “pleased” to inform Esther that in case she did not know, she had an affair with Father Bon Iver

not to nitpick, this sort of thing is really not my usual bag, but I wonder why they don’t just speak in Italian during this scene? Esther is Italian too yes?

….did he just walk out of the room nearly mid-thought???! POWER MOVE

oh he’s just fetching a power tea service

Father Chuckles is extinguishing all the candles one by one taking them into darkness as Voiello gently tells her not to worry he’s Voiello!!!! I love these dramatic weirdly effective total goobers!!!

“Do you rejoice in your beauty?” is gonna be our new euphemism for self-love, txt it

Lenny rn: “God loves beauty—just look at me, and I’m the Pope!”

I love that since he’s always in head-to-red-toe white, whenever Lenny’s outside he just throws his own light-bounce glow onto people

adopt, girl! this is not complicated

now Father Chuckles can lipread. what can’t he do!

real Q, who gets to have their baby baptized by the actual Pope? is there a wait-list?

y’know, I kind of love that she-still-takes-after-you recovery

Sofia: “You know women, Holy Father.” me and Lenny, the same: “Mmm.” Lenny: “That’s a reckless statement, signora.” Sofia, a fucking heathen: [just laughs]

the openly gay assistant to the Prime Minister of Greenland is a top flight character straight off the casting sheet

Sofia, sighing, as she figures out she’s going to avoid spelling out for the Pope that his church literally worships a half naked man

it’s pretty impossible to improve on Pope Jude Law saying “I know. I’m incredibly handsome, but pleeaase let’s try to forget about that.” however, in context it’s to the totally babin’ Greenland PM and actually him saying “can we just talk, one ten to another?” and that’s hilarious

she brought him a halibut. honestly tho that thing is huge that probably did cost a small fortune

HE JUST LIKENED THE GREENLAND CATHOLICS TO BEING LIKE NATIVE AMERICANS I TOOK THE BIGGEST DRINK

he’s so animated in this scene I am full on losing it. “Under all that ice…..could be god.”

someone murder him

this is fantastically awkward that you all live on the same property, apparently

I was just beginning to find the Esther plot tedious but never the heck mind, I actually get a huge kick out of a running gag of Pope Lenny just casually batting away all her couched advances while Father Chuckles watches from some nook like “r u kidding me”

Jude Law’s delivery of “Thanks.”

Lenny doesn’t like substitutes for the real thing. that tracks: it’s not a diet cherry coke he drinks.

anyway wasn’t he gonna depose Voiello? or was that just a threat

ohh boy. oh boy.

“Holy Father, pedophilia and homosexuality are two very different things.” VOIELLO YOU ARE ALRIGHT MY MAN! VOIELLO CAN STAY.

Whoooa likening him to North Korea, shit Voiello is not messing around!!

pans over the statue of Mary as the camera reaches Lenny, bellisimo

at this point I’m half expecting to walk into a room in my own place and find Cardinal Voiello sitting there looking like a sad gopher

“Sorry. I was about to laugh but I stopped myself because I have a certain class. We seriously doubt that Pius XIII even respects God.” incredible.

okay real talk, Lenny periodically having an enigmatic exchange with this kangaroo on his grounds is as fabulous as promised

so now that it turns out that Cardinal Voiello is not an avatar of widespread Vatican hypocrisy & corruption but in fact the sort of already-damned guardian angel of the piece, I would like to amend my earlier take: this disabled boy is not his own, and that he seems to pray to this child as much as God is troubled/ing but also pretty emosh

PLEASE tell me Lenny is kneeled outside Esther’s house to fervently pray for her while they bone!

he is and I’m: McLoving It

[Twitter meme voice] Ladies, imagine this: Your husband is banging you against the window of your Vatican military housing while you hope this time you finally get knocked up. He finishes and walks away; you look out the window to make full eye contact with the Pope in your yard. He’s crying.

“She is the metronome of sleep.”

oh nooo, don’t send Gutierrez to New York he will die!

where do afternoons laaannd

oh this section is kind of destroying me

whaaaaaaat is this closing informational dance interlude about Greenland??!!!!! YES YES YES

her dancing is so cuuute

wtf I love this show. David Lynch is watching this musical credits scroll like “Oh gee!”

Pope Notes

[seecourtneytravel]

September 19, 2018

Tabontabon Rural Health Clinic

I woke up (shocking I know) at like 0600 to make sure I was out of the house by 7am. I felt like one hour should be good enough to go to the Tabontabon Rural Health Clinic for my first real day at the location. I’m currently scheduled to arrive at this clinic Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8am to 12pm. And then at the Leyte Provincial Hospital Tuesdays and Thursdays 8am to 12pm. Four hours a day for 5 days a week. Plus the commute time for just today going to the clinic is at least 1 hour… so I thought..

I arrived almost an hour late. Here’s how. I did my usual transportation from “Escina Bliss” to the Tanauan farmers market (30 minutes on jeepney). Once arrived there, I hopped on a tricycle to take me to the rest of the way to Tabontabon. The tricycle refused to leave until it had more passengers. Across from me was a friendly woman that was talkative even though she was not confident in her English. She held a baby in her hands that looked less than a year old and appeared to have been delayed. The baby was calm, not fussy, was okay being in his mom's arms for long periods of time. His eyes had nystagmus and his right arm was contorted with a constant fist. The Mother was so high spirited, patient, and calm. Nobody moved for over 40 minutes. Even they’re being a baby on board waiting to get to their home and out of the heat, the tricycle would still not budge.

Filipino Moms

I notice all moms here are resilient. They have their child 100% natural and would carry them probably until they can finally walk. My house sister, Arlyn is 25 with a 6 month old a 4 year old. Being here for a week, I have not once see her upset or impatient with her kids. She is always holding and rocking her 6 month old without tire. The baby never cries but just has smiles and then bigger smiles. It’s another amazement to see a house with two kids but no toys. No bouncers or a high chair. No iPad or endless entertainment for the 4 year old. The mothers and their children are simply resilient.

After another passenger boarded we finally made our way to Tabontabon. The next passenger was an 18 year old that looked 13. Her english was also also on the so so side but she smiled and conversed with me as much as she could. Again, always with a smile.

I was on the motorised tricycle for thirty minutes. My back was against a metal bar that was vibrating like crazy during the ride making it itch. I couldn’t keep my head on the inside of the domed portion as I sat in the back, because I was too tall. The tricycles are a lot of fun for short rides, not really ideal for my commute but there was no other way unless I wanted to pay triple the cost and grab a ride from a motorcycle.

I walked into the clinic on my own and was ushered into the back room by a staff memeber. I walked in on a meeting and their were about 20 or 30 people crammed into a small room. They sat me in a chair in the center and the head doctor asked me a ton of questions to answer in front of all the staff in the clinic. The basic questions and curiouslities like: Where are you from? Where do you work? How long? Almost like an interview. They always ask if I’m married and I have to break the news that I would need to have a boyfriend first for that. They all gasp in shock, giggled and Ooo-ed. I made a few jokes to make an ice breaker saying I was looking for my 90 day fiancé because I’m not getting any younger. Everyone laughed.

I was excused from the room as they finished their meeting. I changed clothes and started shadowing a clinic nurse. It felt like a high speed clinic or urgent care. She would get the vital signs, weight, and complaint. They would have their charts that would be clustered together by family name. The nurses write on a blank sheet of paper the date and complaint almost like it was a scrap paper but it was part of the charts. They would chart in English and communicate to the patients in waray- waray. I was advised by the head doctor to just observe today.

The community in tabontabon could not speak English and were typically too inland for schools and the atmosphere to have it in their curriculum. The patient population is super high in pregnant woman, babies, and kids.

One of the patients seen first by the nurse was a 1 year old with a fever. This was the first time I could see the nurse was allowed to act before having a doctors order. Whereas in the hospital was a little different. The nurse said to me? “We are advised to give paracetamol when a child comes in with high fever.” I looked at the box and didn’t recognise it but apparently it was their Tylenol. I was trying to do the math with the nurse to figure out dose calculation. I’m not sure why I couldn’t wrap my head around it but I couldn’t figure out why and how she got her numbers. I’m so used to setting up a math problem in a cross division sort of way, but apparently I have to hit the dose calculation books again because I felt pretty slow at this point. The box read 250mg/5ml, then it only gave the recommended dosing for age groups. The nurse explained to me that the patient weighs 7kg and the constant is 15. I was sitting there wondering.. (what the hell is a constant…. it’s not written on the bottle..). I tried the equation my cross division way and couldn’t get the answer. I asked her why 15? She just said because it’s the constant. I figured I would return to this problem when I have down time because I was obviously over thinking. Maybe it’s like the number 9 in our Tpa formula..

Anyways- she took the baby and mom to the front of the line with a basin of ice water for the mom to help cool the baby down. I said, “that’s a good idea, we typically don’t do that.” I think some of my side comments made America’s practice seem a little lazy in a way, but they were just general comments. Some responses I would get a gasping “really!” with eyebrows raised. But I was trying my best to internalise my own expressions with some differences I noticed in their practice. Now I’ll probably add cool wash clothes to my febrile baby patients. Sounds easy, but at times the little things can be overlooked. I’m so used to putting cold packs to the armpit or groin to an elderly patient. But babies are not my forte.

From initial assessment we headed to exam area. Here, I sat in the exam room where two medical residents took patients as they came. Both doctors were woman in their 30’s but looked like they were in their 20’s. They assessed, examines, and wrote prescriptions as if it was the triage nurses and PA’s would in triage at our home hospitals in the U.S. One baby came in with crackles. The doctor advised she should be placed on oxygen and have a breathing treatment. The doctor did a lot of the manual work and treatments in the room with a midwife assist. Equipment was scarce but they made due with the supplies they had to treat the baby to an improved condition.

I asked about why I was seeing so many midwives. I have not heard of any nurse practitioner here thus far as well so I feel as if their are different levels of care. I have seen nurses, midwives and doctors only. In the U.S., I believe being a nurse practitioner and then deciding to be a medical doctor is a very long path. The Philippines are required to be either a midwife or nurse first before being a doctor. This is all information that I’ve gathered being here during lunch room small talk and can have some inaccuracy.

The day was long as I sat there and heard constant convos in Waray-waray. It became the afternoon and I had lunch with the two residents. They reminded me of my American Filipino friends back home but they have never been to the U.S.. I talked with them asking how I could help or make a difference here because it seemed over staffed. I stated my concerns, stating that I thought my “hands on” experience won’t be used as much here. I also haven’t had a chance to explore the community with the staff as well. They go out into the community and teach preventive medicine and give vaccines. I also asked what supplies they needed because I noticed that was also an issue. Especially at the hospital, where it appeared to be dramatically under supplied and staffed.

I imagined myself going home and asking my nurse managers from the hospitals I’ve worked in to not throw away unused or expired supplies because they could have use in other areas of the world like the Philippines. We have so much waste but manage to know how to waste it (if that makes sense). I imagined If gloves were suddenly readily available in the Philippines they would either not use it based off of habits of practice or not know how to dispose of it. I imagine medical waste would end up in the street, untouched landfills I’ve see here, or even worse- in the ocean. So their was that boggling in my head.

After talking and eating with the doctors they took me back to the head doctors office so I could address my concerns. She basically asked me what my expectations were and I said to be more hands on. But that would just take away one of their staff members to watch over me or to translate for me. The resident mentioned that I thought about what items were needed to the head doctor. She said that most items get differed to the bigger hospital when donated and usually they are fine on their basic supplies at the clinic. Just another reminder of how Filipinos are resilient.

I left the office a little discerned like this may be more shadowing and I won’t be as hands on as I thought. There are nursing staff that do go out to the community to help with vaccinations and preventative medicine. I still need to see that here so there may be more to look forward to.

When I returned I asked Jude if I could maybe switch my days and maybe be at the hospital Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and only two days at the clinic. They said that would not be a problem.