#jse fanficon

[number1120]

24: Hidden Injury

*Trying something new*

He left.

He left again and again, over and over--and James was somehow okay with this. This was a game, after all. James would wait for him and his new story to tell; Jackie is always the creative one. He would come home, tell his story, and James would take it like candy on Halloween. James was fine with him going in and out of his life, but forgetting his birthday, dates, or just being there... James was hurting.

Of course, he never showed it to him. He never told him about the countless nights he cried himself to sleep. He never told Jackie that he felt uncomfortable when he holds his hand. He never said a word when he forced a smile across the dinner table or to let Jackie kiss his neck only to leave in the morning, not facing the aftermath. Of course, he kept it hidden from everyone because he didn’t want to be a burden for his dear friends. He didn’t want to be responsible for making them feel gloomy. James stayed the happy one instead because it’s his role, his part, to play on stage for everyone to see. He is a puppet for his own show. If he messes up or shows sadness, it’s his fault and he balls up in his own self-hate that Anti never makes. 

The stage is set, the parts given, and a puppet he acted.

Jackie came home, a new story came out of his mouth, and James forced a happy, forgiving smile to hide his anger. He only showed his compassionate smile and a gentle kiss. He wanted to show how broken and damaged he feels, but he wears a mask for his role, and he has to fulfill it. Jackie kissed him on the head, and it took everything in James not to push him away. They went to bed together and James had to let Jackie hold him. James... James doesn’t like it when people touch him.

At least Jackie’s happy, he thinks as he held a shaky breath. I can’t break that smile of his.

He stays silent and still as he listened to the broken glass in his mind, hurting inside, holding himself by his own strings. He has no master, the puppet, he has himself and the hurt tucked underneath, the pain no one ever seen. This, all of this, from the play to the stage to the acting to the pretending joy on his face, was his world. 

And the puppet plays it so well, so why leave?

He never left.

Puppet. A Happy Puppet. His Own Puppet.

@10th-no-name-person

****************

This is called me opening up through writing. My therapist wanted me to try this and see how everyone reacts to it. She says this is the best way of me dealing with my emotions because it’s hard for me to express them without feeling guilt. So, with that being said:

Asks are open.