#journalentry4

[agent-z-18]

Journal Entry #4

October 15th

Geezums, how are teachers expecting us to do all their homework and have a social life outside of school? Seriously, I might be writing this for Tuesday the 15th, but coming off the weekend to having 3 tests on the same day, a paper due the next day, and about 2 hours of math homework because Mr. Jackson is gonna be gone. It could be worst I guess. I could be taking all AP courses like Jordan is and have homework almost every day, but it doesn’t mean I have to like the amount of homework I’m given right now. Seriously, though. I’m only two months into my senior year and I’m starting to think that June can’t come soon enough. But, then again, I’d just have college to look forward to and I’m pretty sure you still get homework in college. I’m just lucky that I managed to get almost all my repairs done on the dirt bike because I really don’t think I’ll be able to have much time for it this week.

However, on a brighter note, I received my boots and mask that I ordered this weekend today. Taylor helped me pick them out. A pair of black tactical boots with a set of red laces that I’m gonna put in and a black with red swirls winged mask that will cover the top half of my face.

“It’s almost like a masquerade,” Taylor had said with a sigh, “Like some of those rom-coms that Jill likes to drag me to.” But with the sound of her sighs, I know she doesn’t mind it as much as she wants us to believe. She’d do anything for Jill. Besides, I know she doesn’t watch the movie anyway and just watches Jill as she enjoys the movie for both of them. Taylor might think that she’s sneaky, but when we went to that strange rom-com musical, I had seen the way she just stared at Jill.

Anywho, the boots fit and the mask actually says on quite nicely. I’m still gonna use some of my face glue that I use for theatre and cosplay to make sure it stays in place, but overall, I think it’s a rather good start to my costume. I’m still not really sold on the red and black thing. It feels a little cliché but Jordan had insisted when we were buying the fabric for my outfit that it be red and black. Something about how the black colors will help me blend into the shadows and the red hiding any damage I might take while on the retrieval. Not that I plan on getting hurt, but I guess there’s never a way to be too cautious when it comes to getting in between heroes and villains. Besides, how can I say no to Jordan when he showed me his concept and it just looked so freaking cool? A long, sleeveless, black faux leather jacket with red trimming, a form-fitting black long sleeve mock-neck shirt, form-fitting black faux leather pants, a blood-red neckerchief to hide my voice-changer, and a pair of blood-red faux leather gloves. Jordan has always had this way with making whatever he draws a reality and I’m so excited to actually see it in person. How he’s gonna finish it by Friday, I have no idea, but he promised today that he would and that I need to swing by before he actually gives it to me to make sure everything fits correctly and I can move without worry. He’s the clothing wiz so I’m just gonna have to trust Jordan on this one. Thank god we don’t have to share our entries. Jordan would be unbearable if he saw me write that. I’m just excited that I might be able to go on a retrieval sooner than expected if he can finish it by Friday. Maybe even this weekend!

Although, going back to the subject of homework, besides that paper that’s due on Thursday, Mrs. Frizz really has been laying off on the homework, wanting us to mainly spend our time writing these entries. It’s kinda nice if I’m gonna be honest with myself. I can write anything I want on these pages and as long as I keep my notebook on me, I know that I’m gonna be the only one to read them. Don’t get me wrong, Jordan and Taylor have been nothing but understanding ever since I told them what my family does and how it makes me feel, but they have worries of their own. We’re gonna be going to college next year and none of us have figured out where we’ll be going, so why keep bothering them with my family problems when they have that looming over their heads? And, unlike some of my classmates, I really don’t mind taking time out of my schedule to write a full page. Goodness knows I have a lot to write about. 

Like how I actually had dinner with my family for the first time in the last six days. I mean, they still ran out of the house when I got home to go to a retrieval, but they actually made it home before 5:30, so I’m gonna count it as a win. Though, I was slightly nervous when Wyatt stopped me before leaving to tell me he had placed my packages on my bed. I was really hoping nobody would be home when they arrived so I could grab them and hide them, but I guess if it had to be anyone who saw them, I’d want it to be Wyatt. He doesn’t ask a lot of questions and he lets me have my privacy. Everyone else would have asked what it was and maybe he wanted to, but thankfully he had to leave right away so he couldn’t have even if he wanted to. That’s part of the reason why I’m writing this entry instead of watching t.v. with everyone downstairs. I’m half afraid that Wyatt will ask and I know he can tell when I’m lying and he’s not even the one with the psychic powers! So, I’d rather avoid it all right now. And who’s to say that no one else saw the packages? Evelyn and Matt love to snoop, saying that it’s in their right as the oldest siblings to do so. I really don’t think Jordan goes around snooping in his little sister’s stuff, but then again, I’m the youngest, so maybe I’ll ask him if that’s really a thing older siblings are supposed to do, just to be sure.

Uh oh, I hear Mom calling my name. Whelp, so much for hiding out in my room, but I doubt Wyatt will bring it up. Crap, she’s coming up the stairs now. 

Man, the weekend can’t get here soon enough.

[soft-heartedwoman]

“Not the Best but I feel Blessed”

Last 2020 many scenarios happened there is a covid-19 pandemic that claimed many lives and has affected many. The typhoons made many people homeless and suffered. Because of this many people lost their loved ones. It all started in January 2020. Covid- 19 became the cause of death of many people in the Philippines. As of February 2020, the Philippines confirmed that the first case of covid-19  was from manila. Until the President decided to implement a ECQ ( Enhanced Community Quarantine)  for the safety of everyone. This year has been tough even if many worst scenarios happened, we must never lose hope. We must encourage each and everyone that we can do it and we can pass this pandemic.  Even though it has been a very tough year for all of us,  we must learn and fight. We should be thankful because we survived this year with the help of our Lord. All I can say is don’t get tired of praying and ask for guidance. It May not be the best year but, also a blessed year.

[hodariblue]

if i slowed down enough, would i realize i already arrived?

if the world [as we have come to know it] is ending, 

why not do exactly what you’ve always dreamed of doing?

why not be that person you dream of? 

the one you put in glass tower pedestals in the distant future. with the Rocky steps and the championship music slowly fading in as you make your way to the top. don’t mind the fact that your back aches and the stairs are harder on your knees these days. don’t mind the fact that not everyone can come. the you after you reach metric a, b, k, f, z, 10, 500 . . . the you that keeps moving 

higher 

        farther

                  faster

as soon as you 

                                      get closer to them. 

the one with the ever changing standard of perfection --- of progress. 

just one more rep. 

      one more hour. 

         one more GB of speed . . . 

the one you fear you’ll never work hard or fast enough to reach. 

might just burnout the entire system      stretching for something 

that’s been 

here 

with you the entire time.

and that’s the irony of it all. 

it’s 

all 

been 

here 

the 

entire 

time. 

and there is so much healing in so much hurting. like brain tumors at the start of spring in the middle of callosum fibers bridging new connections between you and the world around you. balance in chaos. like random drunk calls at 2am from cousins you never spoke to beyond family gatherings before dad died. like more laying on chests and your chest being laid on. noticing heart rhythms you normalized. like people asking what you need more and saying what they need, too. like reading poetry books as slowly as possible - picking random pages and re-reading some again. savoring syllables like sweet somethings. bike rides with no destinations in mind. like playing catch in the middle of the basketball courts at sunset - losing the ball as the sun moves to shine light on other shadows. as we become laughing vibrating silhouettes under new moon crescents. oh, there is so much in the intimacy. in me. 

in us.

i saw

my neighbors sitting on their roof writing the other day. 

i’ve lived here for two years and never seen them once. never met them. 

and here we all are remembering 

like the crispness of the air returning to the earth. an exhale of relief. thank God they stopped. thank God they care. we’ve been dying. 

my housemate said it reminded her of how it feels to be in the mountains. and we are at sea level next to one of the biggest bustle venture capitalist centers that never pauses. has to be earth shaken to slow.

and while the flow of my daily life hasn’t been altered too much, as a hermit creative caretaker, i’ve noticed something has changed within me. there is a stillness here that i haven’t always made room to feel. a stillness that has reminded me of the ways my own linear-time, forward, value warped eyes have been harsh to my presence. present. made me chase the end of a creative project that is me. my life work. my love work. an existence i am co-creating with the intentions of helping nourish future seeds that no longer speak my name but know my traces through what remains. 

so i’m slowing back down. 

remembering to take in as much fresh air as i can. 

in the days of social distancing, i’m remembering what it feels like to be actually close.

to my spirit. my asé. my qi. 

to really feel my lungs.

fill my lungs

and to release freely. 

this breath was never mine to begin with. 

never fully, at least.

always meant to be shared.

[itsmeannabanananik]

‘Body Issues in Performance Art' and ‘Cyberrace’

What issues in performance art does Andrea Pagnes outline in his article ‘Body Issues in Performance Art: Between Theory and Praxis’? 

In a performance, bodies are the source of emotions and feelings that act and modify communication, expression, at the same time express the rejection of ordinary and conventional things that surround us. 

That's why when the action artist uses his body as a tool for expression he shouldn't consider himself as a biological being. The body should be used  ‘for its metaphorical value, nullification, truth, having always clear his mind that when the body lies, it always confesses.’ According to Andrea Pagnes, there are many things that could be discovered with the help of the body, such as emotions, feelings, movements and sensations. 

The sensitive imagery and body language help the performer and the spectator to experience an aesthetic control and a manipulation of space in a more effective way. Within this space, the action takes place. The audience interacts with the performance and is free to move, there is no fixed or predetermined pattern.

Body is an instrument of creative freedom through which the artist should look for his primitive soul qualities in order to be connected and to search for mutual sharing.

A part of the creative act is an understanding technology but it must be strictly considered as a tool which is used to fix the performance into diverse metaphors.

  Identify a piece of performance art that exemplifies one of these issues.

In 2010 at MoMA, Marina Abramović engaged in an extended performance called The Artist Is Present. The work was inspired by her belief that stretching the length of a performance beyond expectations serves to alter our perception of time and foster a deeper engagement in the experience. Seated silently at a wooden table across from an empty chair, she waited as people took turns sitting in the chair and locking eyes with her. Over the course of nearly three months, for eight hours a day, she met the gaze of 1,000 strangers, many of whom were moved to tears. 

Since the early 1970s, Abramović has been pushing past perceived limits of the body and mind, and exploring the complex relationship between artist and audience, through performances that challenge both herself and, in many instances, participants emotionally, intellectually, and physically.

How are issues of commodity, ideology and fetishism connected to the concept of Cyberrace in Lisa Nakamura’s article ‘Cyberrace’? 

The connection between cyberrace and fetishism is presented through the possibility to hide your identity and ‘the ability to manipulate the «look and feel» of race by online role-playing, digital gaming and other forms of digital media.’ This creates the desire to have control on self-construction and self-representation. 

It’s mentioned in the article that with the rise of the internet, public discussion about race and technology was brought into advertisement, films and novels. ‘Internet itself produced a rich stream of content that depicted racialized bodies in exotic locales juxtaposed with digital technologies.’ 

Nakamura contrasts the ability to hide user’s bodies and races online with “racialization,” making race through digital means.  What is the contrast? In other words, what is the difference between hiding oneself online (Web 1.0) and showing one's identity online (Web 2.0)? 

Websites of Web 1.0 technology were simple, typically monochromatic, and mostly used for scientific publications. Fairly static information was updated infrequently. If there were any pictures at all, they were all on the left-hand side of the screen. The transition to Web 2.0 is based on “interactive” use of the web. Web 2.0 gave people the possibility to carry on interactions with others, collaborate on the same document at fairly much the same time. People could post thoughts, creative expressions, and also the places for leaving comments were created. Mainly Web 2.0 is all about rich internet experience while web 1.0 is limited to information sharing.

 According to the article hiding oneself online in Web 1.0 is creating an alternative identity with minimal personal information disclosed. At that time it was ‘voluntary' to create a virtual identity, which controlled all the aspects, especially race. However, Web 2.0 brought a different value to the presentation of race and identity in cyberspace. Web 2.0 puts its users into position of content creators, surreptitiously compelling to divulge more personal information by giving them no choice but to create profiles, avatars, pictures,  comments, blog entries and so on.

How does Nakamura interpret “racialization” as a “performance?”

[jolya]

Relationships

The following is a journal entry about the fourth module of the NSTP class dated October 14, 2019. The speaker is Sir Jake Rom Cadag.

As we have been given free rein with how the entry is written (and because I would hate for it to be JUST an informative essay), I will be writing this entry (and most of my entries) with creative liberty. 

Word count:  135 words

In more ways than one, Disaster Risk Reduction (DRR) is alike to having a relationship.

Example 1: “Trust is a very important and critical factor.”

Trust is one of the foundations of a relationship. It is also one of the things needed in DRR. Without trust, DRR will never work.

Example 2: Participation is key.

Everyone’s participation is needed in DRR. You cannot do it alone. Same thing with a relationship. It’s not a relationship if it’s just one-sided. (More like parasitism)

Example 3: You first!

Help yourself first! Self-help goes a long way in DRR. It’s like saying “Love yourself first before loving someone else.” Help yourself first before helping anyone else. Make sure you’re actually in a condition to help. Similarly, make sure you’re in a good condition to love someone.

[kaylarothana-blog]

12/8/16

Today I almost relapsed after drinking a high protein shake my dad made for me but instead I read a book. The high protein is part of a plan my nutritionist made for me which will help repair the damage I did to my muscles. After just a few weeks of an intense starving/purging cycle, my muscles began to grow weak and I was constantly lightheaded. The effort it took for me to get into jumps was almost doubled yet I still didn’t perform as well as I used to. Despite my constant fatigue everyone around me complimented and praised me for how much weight I had lost. This augmented my drive for perfection but nevertheless my performances still faltered.

I began to notice the muscle loss and my once toned legs were beginning to look sickly. It was at this point that I changed my purging by vomiting to purging by over exercising. I would stay in the gym for hours on end, trying desperately to gain back my endurance but only proceeding to lose more weight. I would run and run and run until I was seeing in black and white. 

I am hoping I will be able to return to rhythmic very soon because I miss it so much. It is one of the only things I am ever motivated to do yet I had to stop it because of my excessive exercising. I don’t believe I will ever be able to perform at the level I used to but that is just a repercussion of this devastating disorder I developed.