#joobies anon

[lifesteal-headcanons]

i think if branzy got turned into a worm 🪱 clown would make a terrarium for him and make sure he has good quality soil and only the best mulch and he’d threaten people if they looked at his enclosure for too long

if clown got turned into a worm branzy would make a torment nexus and place clown at the center and put him in charge of the whole thing and he’d make merch for it like he’d make shirts featuring a worm with a jester face and give them out to visitors

- joobies anon

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[voidzphere]

Maybe you wouldn't be harassed if you never harassed people in the first place! And also if you didnt support it, which you clearly did by posting the list!! You are a very hateful person have you considered being nice and kind and caring before? Or are you too wrapped up in hurting people to do that

yeah lol ^_^ i have a lot of hate for a lot of people xoxo

alzo posting a blocklist iznt harassing. people make blockliztz for a reason, and thatz to BLOCK PEOPLE. it'z in the name. not a harasslist.

plus i dont know why we're still talkin about this when

i didnt make the list. an anon did

itz been two dayz now. go outside

the fact you're validating the fact im getting harassed because of that sayz a lot about you

[casolitaire]

guys calm down we'll get the card lady when mod [your mod name] feels better!

yessss ty anon

also, mod's name is Joofie! I also go by joof, joobie, joofenhausen, joober sploogert the third, the list goes on.

my main acc is @joofie404

[spacedykez]

what if branzy vampire

- joobies

There is something off about Branzy.

Maybe it’s the way hearts just don’t seem to stick to him, slipping from his grasp like water droplets. Branzy can say he’s a bad fighter all he wants, but no one else loses hearts so easily.

Maybe it’s the way his violet eyes glint in the darkness, their color almost changing at night to a deep magenta that’s oddly close to Clown’s own blood-red eyes.

Maybe it’s the way he never speaks directly to anyone, turning away before saying anything. Clown’s never even caught a glimpse of his teeth, save for one moment, in which he thought they looked almost sharp.

Maybe it’s the way he seems more energized at night, staying up long hours and never seeming bothered. Even Clown can’t stay fully alert in the dead hours of the early morning, but Branzy never seems tired.

Maybe it’s the way he wears a deep purple cloak when he goes out, one that shields him from the sun like it will kill him if it touches him. It’s quite the look, though, and Clown wouldn’t put it past Branzy to be wearing it just for the dramatic effect it gives.

And Clown’s one to talk. Nobody knows what kind of creature he is, but with his eyes and his just slightly too quick reflexes, it’s a common conclusion that he’s not quite, well, human.

He’s heard tales of the children of the night, of course. Everyone has. But Clown’s never put any faith in those stories. After all, they’re just that: stories. Myths. They’re not real.

But Clown’s met gods everyone thought to be false, so who is he to say that there’s no chance vampires are real? That’s not to mention what Clown is himself, a thing from the darkest depths of a horror story come to life. 

After all, there’s something off about Branzy. And wouldn’t it be just perfect, two creatures from the pages of a fairytale falling in love?

[scribbling-dragon]

Jimmy: …and creepers are just the best they’re basically giant leafy cats that can explode how awesome is that and they only explode as a last resort to protect other creepers like bees stinging people that pose a threat to the hive and their necks can extend and the reason why everyone thinks their necks are long all the time is because it’s a threat display meant to intimidate you and they’re crazy about cocoa the same way cats are about catnip and… *continues infodumping about creepers*

Katherine, who has killed countless creepers: 😀

Joey, who has a bunch of creeper heads : 😬

- joobies anon

they look at each other and silently agree to never tell him

[bugsinthebayou]

here I copy-pasted my ask for you go wild lol

hi my head is full of branzy eating hearts to add them to his. i am obsessed. do you think they look like love hearts? do they look like real hearts? do they bleed when he bites into them, or just in general? do they taste like real raw bloody hearts? are they small, like a rabbits heart, or bigger, like a humans? does he eat them slowly, does he savor it? are the others creeped out or otherwise unnerved by it, do they even know that branzy eats them or do they assume he does something generic to add them to his own, like pressing it against his skin? are they tough, like older hearts, or soft, like a babies heart? I am. ill about this

- joobies anon

YOU GET ME FR FR

do they beat? can he feel them pulse beneath his teeth, in his mouth? can he feel the beating slow as he bites down? does he cherish the feeling? i think he does.

[husbandhoshi]

Something (JARMS) shifted (JARMS) during the left and right (JARMS) era because I don't remember wanting to be desperately be held in a chokehold before that 😭 actually I think it's the boobies (hit and fear) era the joobies were out and thriving like never before

jarms this joobies that i just want his jeart and his jand in marriage 🥺💖

[felicityphoenix5]

um I’m jus a liddol guy I’m just a dude with silly ideas to share I’m not that big of a deal 👉👈 (haha that means gay sex in sign language [i think])

- joobies anon

ohmygod wait it does??? lmao wait- i. ohgoshwait. fuck.

[l-art-stuff-l]

do you think you know who joobies anon is? i've seen you liking most of my posts (please feel free to keep doing that i love seeing it) so i would like to hear your thoughts

Side note: I'd like to personally thank you for reblogging so many art/fics. i just really appreciate that you do that <3

just saw this lol. I’m pretty sure I know who they are, but I’m not gonna spoil the fun >:}

[navy-leader]

hey, could you tag the hearteater branzy stuff please? i know some people that aren’t really comfortable with the idea, so if you could tag it as hearteater branzy or cannibalism it would be greatly appreciated. thank you

- joobies anon

Oop yeah sorry slipped my mind

[scummy-writes]

To that last anon, I just wanna say that I seriously can't get over "Joob"😭

Poor joobie- sjwkjwkr

[lifesteal-headcanons]

clown practices eating hearts in front of the bathroom mirror so he can impress branzy. he’s really bad at it. they Do Not taste good. every time without fail it ends with him clutching the sides of the sink and staring into the mirror and generally just feeling like a wet cat about it all. he’s so cringefail boyloser about the whole thing. nobody knows. it’s his shameful secret

- joobies anon (hiiii im back. twirls my hair)

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[ace930615]

I'D PAY YOU TO FINISH YOUR OIL PAINTING LOOOOL

SHUT UP JOOBIE GET OFF ANON YOU COWARD 

[asktheamalgamategoat]

just a quick notif. if you guys want to see me more often, or if that hate anon wants to direct their hatred elsewhere, my main blog is @j-oobys. feel free to follow and dm me.

-mod jooby

[spacedykez]

ok ok ok so. branzy and clown are dating. good for them! no one else knows and everyone still thinks that branzy is being held hostage or being threatened by clown or whatever. branzy and clown think it’s so so funny but it’s getting kind of annoying. they bet on how long it will take for someone to realize that they are in evil gay love, and if it takes longer than either of them guessed they have to do one (1) PDA. i could not stop giggling while writing this

- joobies anon

this tale of reckless love

Branzy and Clown are dating. The rest of the server doesn't know this. Branzy takes this as an opportunity for some fun.

cws: none! | ao3 link | wc 1943 notes: actually beta read for once! and thank you joobies anon, i had a ton of fun writing this and i hope i did your idea justice :D

(Your friendly reminder that REBLOGS > LIKES, and now onto the fic!)

“Blink twice if you’re being held hostage.”

Branzy jumps slightly as Rek sneaks up beside him, whispering in his ear. He bites back a laugh- him, held hostage by Clown? It’s almost laughable. But he can see it- and oh, this could be fun. 

“Don’t worry, I believe the term you’re looking for is indentured servitude!” Branzy tells him cheerily. It’s not, really, but why tell Rek that? 

“Branzy, are you okay?” Rek demands. Of course Rek would be the first to ask about Clown; he’s Branzy’s closest friend after all- if you can call them friends. Their relationship is… well, complicated. It’s a whole thing, you know how it is.

“Oh, yeah, I’m great!” he assures Rek. He doesn’t imagine Rek believes him. It sounds like a lie coming from him, especially with his history of tricks and schemes. But funnily enough, it’s true for once.

Rek isn’t convinced- Branzy can see it in the worry on his face and the way he studies Branzy, scanning for indicators that he’s not telling the full truth. But Branzy’s had plenty of experience hiding his lies before, and this time there’s nothing to hide.

“Okay…” Rek says, eyes flicking away from Branzy towards where Clown is running after Rek’s teammates. “You know you can come to me if you need-”

“Oh, yeah, yeah!” Branzy nods. He’s not trapped by any means- if he really wanted to leave Clown he could slip away when needed. He didn’t stay alive this long by being helpless. 

Rek spares him one last look of concern before dashing away to help his dying allies, leaving Branzy to break down in laughter. Did they really all think he was being held hostage by Clown? He’d known they were trying to hide their- relationship, but he didn’t think they were that convincing!

This could be quite enjoyable, actually. Quite enjoyable.

Clown’s not quite as amused by the idea of tricking the others as Branzy is.

He’s covered in blood when he comes back to Branzy, having chased Rek and his teammates away. They didn’t stand a chance against him, not when Clown’s so good at striking fear into his enemies. Branzy supposes that’s why they haven’t figured the two of them out yet; they’re too afraid of Clown to even think for a moment that Branzy and Clown dating is a possibility.

“We can’t tell them,” Clown insists in that soft but firm tone he uses on no one but Branzy. It’s a side of the man reserved solely for Branzy, a gentle part masked by an  intimidating appearance. “It’s too much of a risk if they know.”

Well, that’s just no fun. 

“They’ll figure it out anyways!” Branzy points out, wiping half-dried blood from Clown’s face. Clown doesn’t push his hand away, which Branzy takes as a sign to continue.

“It’ll take them a while,” Clown’s clearly trying to hold onto the last remains of his image, the image Branzy’s quickly breaking down. Clown doesn’t look nearly as scary when he’s with Branzy.

“Three days, at most,” Branzy shrugs. It’s only a matter of time, really- Rek will start to figure it out soon, at least. He’s always been perceptive, and soon he’ll start to realize that things just don’t add up.

“Only three days? That’s all you can give me?” Clown teases with an affectionate sigh. Branzy nods and twines his fingers into Clown’s, who really isn’t resisting this too much for a man who’s about to have his carefully-crafted image shattered.

“Mhm.” Three more days of Clown looking terrifying before he gives in to Branzy’s charms.

“Give me a week,” Clown bargains. He doesn’t seem all too upset about this, really- Branzy would have thought he’d be far more opposed to his reputation being completely ruined. 

Branzy’s just that hot, huh?

“A week,” Branzy agrees. And then it’s all over. He knows Clown’s probably already regretting this, but Branzy’s definitely not. He’s gonna have so much fun once they don’t need to hide their affections anymore (not that Branzy’s doing a very good job of that anyways). “And then I get to kiss you?”

Clown sighs defeatedly, not very upset about this. “If they don’t figure us out sooner.”

Branzy considers this a massive win.

He lasts four more days before he slips up. In his defense, it was only a matter of time. And how was he meant to resist when Clown is so dang cute?

They’re in the middle of a chase across the ocean- Branzy isn’t even quite sure why they’re fighting, to be honest. There’s always some sort of conflict going on, he can’t be expected to know who’s allies with who. He’s too pretty to do that much thinking!

He and Clown are in a boat together, with Clown at the oars. Rek speeds along in another boat beside them. A ways in front of them, two other boats are racing along. “They’re getting away, I can barely make them out.”

“I know something you can make out,” Branzy snorts as soon as he says it- it’s an awful attempt at flirting, really.

“Branzy!” The boat slows for a moment as Clown bites back a groan. In the boat next to them, Rek lets out a startled gasp. 

“Well, ohhhh-kay-” Rek chuckles awkwardly. Branzy should probably feel embarrassed, but he’s really not. For Clown’s sake, he backtracks. They agreed on a week.

“Oh- I mean, uh-” Branzy throws in his trademark nervous chuckle. He’s trained himself out of the habit after one too many times it gave away a plan, but Rek doesn’t need to know that. It’s a great lie, totally!

It seems to fool Rek, anyways. Clown shoots Branzy a pointed glare as best he can. Branzy bites back a giggle- maybe he wouldn’t mess with Clown so much if Clown wasn’t so fun to mess with.

Clown gives him a warning once the chase is over. “Branzy, you can’t just-”

“Can’t what?” Branzy says innocently, putting on his best puppy face. He’s been told he looks like one, and he’ll definitely play into that if it helps him accomplish his goals.

Clown looks up and to the side exasperatedly, still not truly annoyed with Branzy. He’s pretty sure he could kill Clown and Clown wouldn’t mind. “I’m not giving in to your pleading face.”

Branzy gasps in mock-offense. Clown’s not supposed to resist his puppy face! That’s illegal! He, Branzy, declares it! 

“A week. We agreed on a week,” Clown tells him. Well, four days is basically a week, right? But he gives in, if only because Clown’s promised him a kiss.

Seven days after their agreement, Clown wakes Branzy with a scythe to the throat. 

Branzy should probably be terrified, but he just can’t bring himself to be. He glances sleepily down at the metal and up at Clown. “Morning, Clown.”

“How does running for your life sound today, Branzy?” Clown asks. Branzy’s still unworried. Should he be?

“What about running for your love?” Branzy offers. Clown’s free hand slaps his mask in exasperation. Branzy’s still unbothered. Clown has no reason to kill him, and besides he could easily have slit Branzy’s throat while he slept if he really wanted Branzy dead.

“Just work with me here?” 

Oh, he got it now. This sounded entertaining. Branzy lightly pushes the scythe away from him and rolls out of bed, grabbing Clown’s hand and pulling himself up until their faces are temptingly close.

Clown shoves Branzy away gently. “Kiss later, kay?”

“Aww,” Branzy whines. And finally, Clown gives in. He leans down and lifts Branzy’s hand to his face, pushing the mask up. One quick kiss on Branzy’s hand later, he lowers it again.

Branzy giggles and grins happily. Clown regards him adoringly, then lifts the scythe again. “Do me a favor and find as many of the others as you can.”

Branzy nods and takes off running. Spawn will probably have more players at it, so that’s where he goes. Clown gives him a head start, but after a few minutes Branzy hears the squish of boots on the ground running after him.

He does the logical thing, for once, and screams. It’s exaggerated, and he knows Clown can tell. But he’s trusting the others’ fear of Clown to help convince them. With any luck, they won’t think to question it, focusing on the very real threat of Clown chasing after him.

It’s not a real threat- Clown has no intentions of hurting any of them. But they don’t need to know that. 

Rek is unsurprisingly the first to come running, with a fearful cry of “Branzy!?”

Branzy simply lets Rek’s worry do the work for him, barely trying to be convincing. “HELP!!”

“Why is he after you!?” Rek demands. Rek’s really is making this easy- he doesn’t need to bother to come up with a reply- it’s already on the tip of his tongue. 

“Not the time!” See, usually he’d need a convincing explanation, but there wasn’t really a time for one when Clown was after you. Rek understandably doesn’t question him. 

“Hold on, I’ll call for help!”

Perfect.

“Oh, Branzy!” Clown calls, taunting. Branzy resists the automatic urge to flirt. What can he say? A man’s got his priorities.

When Branzy loops around to spawn again, there are more people there, all ready to help him. He’s impressed, really. So many of them have been victims of one of his traps, yet they’re all more worried about Clown.

He purposefully slows a tiny bit, just enough that nobody notices. Clown catches him right by the fountain. The scythe appears in front of him, arcing around in front of his neck ready to kill.

“Branzy!” Rek calls, terrified. He’s watching with wide eyes, mouth open in a gasp. He’s probably thinking he’s failed, but what Rek didn’t know is that was never going to save Branzy. “What do you want with him, Clown!?”

Clown doesn’t answer, grabbing Branzy’s arm and spinning him around so they’re facing one another. Branzy is fighting to keep a smile off his face- one advantage Clown has with his mask.

“Oh, nothing,” Clown says easily, voice calm. He’s got nothing to fear, after all. “I just want him.”

Branzy’s sure the others are watching in horror, but he doesn’t bother to look. He grabs the bottom of Clown’s mask and shoves it up off his face with a smirk, not bothering to put on an act anymore. He hears someone gasp- the first one to figure it out. Took them long enough.

Clown is grinning happily, cherry-colored eyes shining like stars. Branzy reaches up and brushes a stray wisp of soft jet-black hair out of Clown’s eyes.

His heart is already racing from the excitement of running away from Clown, but it seems to beat even faster as Clown leans in. More startled gasps and yells fill Branzy’s ears, but Clown’s the only thing on his mind.

The kiss is even better than Branzy imagined it would be. His body tingles with excitement, mind filled with wordless pleasure. Clown’s hand is gentle and warm on Branzy’s arm, the contact the only thing grounding him.

He’s fairly sure he’d be lost without the touch, gone to a world of only Clown.

Branzy wraps his arms around Clown’s neck as they pull apart. He never wants to let go- never wants to leave this state of euphoria.

“How long-!?” Rek manages, the only one of the assembled players with any words left. 

“Long enough,” Branzy is beaming, cheeks warming with satisfaction. He steals another kiss, and as their lips meet again Branzy doesn’t regret a thing.

[scribbling-dragon]

something just popped into my brain and it is so hilarious I have to share it with you. i think baby creepers would be really tiny, like how the seeds for plants are tiny. a baby creeper sneaks into jimmys bag when he checks up on the creeper ranch right before he leaves for a meeting with the other rulers

the sprout (baby creeper) takes a nap, obviously, because it’s nice and dark and it smells like the silly man that gives pets and chocolate to everyone. jimmy is at the meeting now, and a few minutes in he feels something moving in his bag. woe! tis a sprout, just woken up by all the voices. the other rulers see jimmy reach into his bag, saying something like “aw, how’d you get in there Bumble? did you sneak in to take a nap?” and they’re expecting him to pull out a kitten or puppy or something like that, but no. he pulls out a baby creeper. everyone just about has a heart attack

- joobies anon

oh my gosh, sprout as the name for baby creepers <33

and yeah. he just pulls it outta his bag in the middle of the meeting and suddenly basically everyone is halfway across the room from him, watching him with fear as he cradles this tiny creeper in the palm of his hands