#joker: guess I'll have to kill the third one to see

[malfiora]

This is Dick Robin

Batman: The New Adventures #416

Joker shoots him at point blank range in the shoulder, pretty close to his heart, and months later Dick pops up as Nightwing. (And Joker knows that Nightwing = Robin 1.)

Then, of course, Joker kills Jason and years later he comes back as Red Hood, and he knows this.

So Joker definitely thinks these kids are cryptid immortals or something

[somethingpersonarelated]

Akechi's taste in Literature

I've taken an interest in the books Akechi reads. Obviously from the first time you talk with him, you can already tell what he tends to: psychology, philosophy, and mythos. Also, I read at least a little bit from every text. One of my professors out there is proud of me. I hope. So: let's talk about it!

Ok, but why care? Quick Introduction

No particular reason. I simply want to tinker with his brain. I think it could give us insight on the character! And there's an easy way to dismiss this conversation: Akechi uses books as a way to appear intelligent. I don't think that's wrong per se, but he does express an interest in psychology and philosophy in his third semester Jazz Jin discussions. His thieves den conversations also point to interests in mythos. Use this as a "Annoying Person Bookshelf" if you'd like, I certainly will.

Aristole's De Anima (Mementos Mission - Chapter 3)

De Anima, or "On the Soul" [Leob Classical Library], is an examination of the soul and how it functions within the body. It's pretty dense but easily accessible. On page 15,

"There are times when men show all the symptoms of fear without any cause of fear being present. If this is the case, then clearly the affections of the soul are formulae expressed in matter."

Now, I'm not going to read every book, that would be a huge investment. And unfortunately I am still a university student, so I'll stick to the introduction/first chapters or so. But anyways, to the point of the quote, De Anima tends to get metaphysical. Theory time: Akechi has morbid fascinations with the soul. Not only because he well, kills people, but also messes with the restraints on their heart. I choose this quote because it's a good summary of the kind of body horror someone messing with you in the metaverse is like. It's fear and anger unchained, but it manifests in reality through subway accidents... for example.

Hegel's Dialectics (did Akechi misquote Hegel?) - Rank 1

Look, almost all of these texts are slogs to get through, so I wouldn't blame Akechi for not catching this. Or not reading the 2017 in-universe equivalent of cliffnotes. Note: Dialectics refers to the structure/strategy that Hegel uses, not a text itself. Looking at the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy we see that Hegel never makes mention of the thesis, antithesis, and synthesis idea. Rather, thesis-antithesis-synthesis is a pattern in his arguments. These are also projected by people reading his text, so we can't fully be sure he's using this to formulate most of his arguments. So not only has Akechi forgotten synthesis, the "unification", but also the fact that Hegel doesn't talk about this. Did he read Hegel? Probably. Did he retain the information? Questionable. Do I blame the writers for making the mistake? mmmm. Maybe. If you're asking me to guess which book he read, I would estimate it was The Phenomenology of Spirit [Google Books]. And yes, I'm going to say it was just because of this quote on page 9 that just, screams Black Mask:

"The force of the mind is only as great as expression; its depth only as, as deep as its power to expand and lose itself when spending and giving out its substance."

Maurice Leblanc's Arsène Lupin vs Sherlock Holmes (Herlock Sholmes) (P5A)

This book I read because my curiosity definitely got the better of me. Since I've gotten into Persona 5 again, I've been DYING to read this one, but never got around to it. I think this one is also interesting to look at based on how it was represented in the anime, a crow escaping a bird cage. I can say that this doesn't happen in the book, but this is why I think Akechi is self inserting on Holmes/Sholmes here. Holmes is much freer as a person in this text than Akechi, but also in a deep rivalry with Lupin. Their banter is also pretty reminiscent of what they [Joker and Akechi] have, but... with older language. Longer quote, so here's an image in its place:

Edit/Correction: Edogawa Ranpo's Kogoro Akechi Series!

As pointed out by a couple people, we can't leave out this series. (credits to @heavy-metal-papillon) I don't know why my mind blanked and left this out. Because when I was doing research for this post someone had mentioned it. Just by name, it should be obvious why this is here! Here is a part of the preface that explains Kogoro Akechi, Arsene Lupin, and their presence in Edogawa's novels (written by Ho-Ling Wong):

Literature he makes references but doesn't mention (note: headcanon/my opinion)

John Stuart Mill's On Utilitarianism

Because Akechi knows how to flirt, he recommends philosophy to Joker. [Early Modern Texts] In my eyes he definitely doesn't agree with this philosophy (in fact some quotes are definitely more aligned with Maruki's philosophy). Page 8:

"That’s because the utilitarian standard is not •the agent’s own greatest happiness but •the greatest amount of happiness altogether; and even if it can be doubted whether a noble character is always happier because of its nobleness, such a character certainly makes other people happier, and the world in general gains immensely from its existence."

Yes, Akechi reads Freud. Freud's essays: Beyond the Pleasure Principle & The Ego Principle

In an offhanded comment about Personas in the Thieves Den to Ryuji, Akechi says:

I love you Akechi. I will not read Freud for you. My love has limits.

Carl Jung's Two Essays on Analytical Psychology

Okay I'm NOT reading this (a lie, i did. [Internet Archive]) but this was the foundational text on the Jungian Archetype of the Persona as well as addressing concepts such as "the will to power." Going to leave this quote from page 78 for you to munch on:

"Logically, the opposite of love is hate, and of Eros, Phobos (fear); but psychologically it is the will to power. Where love reigns, there is no will to power; and where the will to power is paramount, love is lacking. The one is but the shadow of the other..."

There's a couple things here that point to Akechi reading this, but ultimately I just headcanon that he wants to reason through why Personas exist.

Generally reads about the casts Personas!

Similarly to how Joker can read about the other PTs Personas, Akechi does as well. Well, if his morbid discussion about Captain Kidd in the Thieves Den is an indicator. Does this mean Akechi is familiar with the Carmen stage opera? I think so. Besides, it's also the smartest move. Akechi (head)canonically reads lovecraft.

Conclusion

Akechi really enjoys psychology and philosophy, and while some of it seems like he's doing it for attention/to appear smarter, he DOES continue to show interest in third-semester/thieves den. I still can't forgive him for reading Freud.

The List (of ones directly mentioned here)

De Anima, Aristotle

The Phenomenology of Spirit, Hegel

Arsène Lupin vs Sherlock Holmes, Leblanc

On Utilitarianism, John Stuart Mill

Beyond the Pleasure Principle & The Ego Principle, Freud

Two Essays, Carl Jung

The Fiend with Twenty Faces, Edogawa Ranpo

Other notes and headcanons I can't justify giving sections to:

he probably read that fuckass billiards book

definitely stuff on justice. i was just lazy. Some of these texts do cover these ideas, but definitely not all of them

he likes detective novels. he's probably read a fair share of sherlock holmes.

he probably reads adjacent literature to some of the philosophers mentioned (for example: Nietzsche to Jung, Plato to Aristotle)

[dontcare3693]

I have fanfic ideas but I'm not a good writer.

So feel free to take any or all the ideas I'm spouting out here I have to figure there's a decent writer out there who's out of ideas and could use mine. If all your going to do here is give me crap for not writing them myself nothing you could say is worse than what I say to myself so let's not waste the time. Also no need to ask for permission or give me any credit just send a link to wherever you wrote it so I can check it out.

First idea, Avatar the last Airbender this is all about a rare pair. This idea follows cannon pretty closely expect one big thing... Zuko and Yue are married have technically been married since they were kids essentially I see the fire Lord pressuring the water tribe for this for some resources but mainly to call on the water tribe army when needed and just having them under their thumb it's essentially getting married or we kill you and so Zuko and Yue have been married on paper since they were kids Yue's dad managed to postpone sending Yue to live in the fire nation for a while but is forced to say goodbye to her when Zuko is banished since they're technically married she's banished and put on this impossible find the avatar mission too.

Second idea, I love rare crossovers. This is a crossover of Harry Potter and Stranger things it follows all the books exactly expect for one thing I'll get to it and the show is also cannon here's the pitch, when Bellatrix throws a spell at Sirius it's not the killing curse give whatever reason feels right I'm going with the idea that instead of killing him she wanted to torture him he still falls into the veil and guess where the veil leads? The upside down! I imagine in the upside down his magic works but is a lot weaker anyway eventually being trapped in the upside down messes with his brain and that's when Vecna/Henry/ 1 invades Sirius's mind and Sirius becomes Kas the betrayer or whatever other D&D character works for him. Meanwhile after the war Harry, George and Luna all for different reasons decide to leave England Harry's and George's are essentially the same there's too many painful memories and they need a break George also wants to spread his business to America for Luna I'm thinking she's writing some sort of book and needs to be in America for it? I'm also imagining Teddy being there but he doesn't have to be. Now I personally imagined this all happening in the last season of Stranger things but it can honestly happen whenever I also imagine George and Johnathan starting a friendship they both kinda need a friend, I imagine Luna starting either a romantic or platonic relationship with Eddie and finally I imagined Harry and Steve either being in a romantic relationship or being friends.

Third idea, this is all about making Harry Potter OP I'll admit it! When Harry is very young maybe five? The Dursley's are on vacation or maybe Vernon is doing business in... Gotham! And the whole family is going they wanted to leave Harry behind but couldn't find anyone to take care of him I'm thinking while out and about they 'accidently' leave Harry behind and Harry all alone in Gotham runs into... Want to make any guesses? It's not Batman it's... Harley Quinn and Joker! I'm thinking Harley immediately notices the signs of abuse and feels bad for the kid while Joker notices the magic maybe they scare Harry into doing accidental magic? And Joker decides he needs a sidekick the bats just got one so they take him in raising and training him Harley and Harry actually grow really close with Harley almost feeling like his mom while Joker is more a deluded drill Sargent. I'm thinking around the time Harry is nine is when the Joker decides to reveal his new sidekick and of course Batman doesn't want to hurt a kid particularly one who doesn't really seem like he wants to be there (Harry stays with them mainly because of Harley, the Dursley's left without him and let's be real their still better than the Dursley's) it takes a few conversations with Batman and Harley's blessing for Harry to switch sides and join Batman.

Fourth idea, yes a lot of these involve Harry Potter if that's a problem you can leave. Here's one that can still make Harry OP but in a very different and even darker way, similar to the one above the Dursley's are for whatever reason in America and pass by a quiet town before having to stop for gas while Harry is using the bathroom they leave him behind (I'm imagining Harry again being pretty young here maybe five yet again) not sure where to go he picks a random direction and finds a town called... Silent hill... I'm thinking this is more like the second Silent hill game there's not much in the way of cult stuff the town is just feeding off of Harry's magic, fear and misery eventually Dumbledore is able to find him but I'm thinking it takes years with Harry in survival mode and being tormented by monsters specifically tailored to make him suffer.

Fifth idea, it's not Harry Potter?! No way! This one is pretty straightforward Peter Parker aka Spider-Man (I'm imagining the Andrew Garfield one but it doesn't have to be him) still in Queens overhears some neighbors talking who are his neighbors? Betty and Hilda Suarez Betty is talking about her interview and Peter because the Bugle for whatever reason shuts down he's originally going to try to get a photographer position but Bradford sees the two and decides that if he really wants to make sure Daniel doesn't sleep with his assistant he'll hire the guy if it doesn't work out then he'll hire Betty. When Peter gets the job it's not what he wants but how hard can it be? Don't worry about Betty she's either in a different department or is in a different magazine. I'm also imagining that Peter and Amanda eventually become a couple I also like the idea of Betty winding up with Bobby I liked him Hilda together but I also like rare pairs.

Sixth idea, seriously I have a problem with rare pairs. I'm going to assume you've played Detroit become human this fic will take place after a peaceful revolution and Connor deviates he is also staying with Hank for a bit they have a strictly father son bond for anyone involved in this fandom you know why I feel I need to say that. This actually focuses on North and Hank yes I like the idea of an android who hates humans getting together with a human that hates androids here's the set up. Before North deviated she and another android at the Eden club dude or chick doesn't matter sort of had a relationship as much as they could without fully deviating yet anyway this other android deviates before North does and unfortunately winds up in Zlatko's hands thinking he'll help but we know how that will go. This android lets call them Andy for convience becomes f#cked up living with Zlatko both mentally and physically they are horrifying to look at and that actually suits them because they are straight up murdering people any human who didn't treat their android alright even minor offenses will get attacked and these murders are slow and tortuous so after the revolution North is trying to find Andy and Andy finds her Andy wants North on their side but even though North hates humans she doesn't like this approach and saying no is the worse thing North can do as now Andy wants revenge for betrayal I guess on Norths part so North gets put essentially on witness protection but they still want her close by as she knows Andy and can predict what they'll do so she's forced to live with Connor and Hank with Connor being the one going out and investigating and Hank staying at home with North let the tropes like enemies to lovers, forced proximity and maybe even something like pretend dating? (I mean Hanks neighbors might notice she's there) Embrace these tropes and let them guide you.

Seventh idea, back on the Hogwarts Express choo choo! Another one where the Dursley's aren't in America and Harry is like five or so this time their in China and while getting lost they stumble into a ghost town while there Vernon and Petunia find some food and start eating saying they'll pay for it later Harry takes this opportunity to explore and Dudley almost joins his parents but instead chases after Harry while the two boys are fighting another boy named Haku tells them to leave but it's too late. Yes the boys are stuck in the world of Spirited away I'm saying this happens before the movie Dudley learns to be a good person and Harry learns to be brave and both leave with a gift I'm thinking they both help an important spirit who rewards them both Harry gets rewarded with that little medicine ball that makes you puke and he winds up puking out his horcrux meanwhile Dudley gets gifted magic meaning he's a wizard now! I'm thinking he's particularly good with divination and is a Hufflepuff.

Eighth idea, the power of four? When Prue Halliwell just graduated she took a year off going to Europe where she eventually meets James and Lilly Potter she befriends the two and learns their having trouble conceiving towards the end of her year stay she realizes she doesn't have enough money to get back home and she doesn't want to ask grams for help so the Potters offer her money in exchange she carry their child so in this scenario I'm thinking Lilly can't carry a child without potentially killing herself or the kid even with the help of magic and Prue eventually accepts and even though Harry isn't her child by blood when he's born there's still a connection she still loves him as though he were hers their connected despite not being related this means when Prue dies her magic transfers to Harry while he can't access the power of three he can do everything else Prue can I'm thinking soon after Paige is in the fold either Prue's ghost or maybe the elders inform the sisters about Harry having Prue's magic and the prophecy on his head.

Ninth idea, magic and bending is a powerful combo. In this crossover the world's of Avatar the last Airbender and Harry Potter have always been in the same universe benders and magic users have had some of their own wars even I'll get there in a minute. This does mean neither are in hiding instead there are plenty of people who don't like benders or magic users or only like one over the other for whatever reason the Dursley's of course don't like either so live in a neighborhood that's anti magic of any kind. In this world it's crazy rare to be able to bend AND do magic with only a handful of people being born able to do both Dumbledore being one of the most recent ones able in like a hundred years or so (I'm thinking he's a firebender) and there's never been someone who can do magic and was an avatar expect... Tom Riddle yes Voldemort was the avatar wizard at the time there was a huge war between benders and magic users and for a while Riddle was a good avatar he stopped a war but unfortunately he gets an ego starts thinking he should be the last avatar after all with his magic he's the most powerful avatar that's ever been he also has a major problem with non magic users and so he goes about taking over the world and making horcrux's this winds up with him not being able to enter the avatar state but he can still control all four elements and when Harry becomes a horcrux he can't control all four elements BUT he can enter the avatar state. In this world Hogwarts caters to both magic users and benders. You can make whatever character a bender instead of a magic user or keep them a magic user up to you I'm personally imagining this, Harry if it weren't for the horcrux would just be a wizard no bending at all and he loses the avatar state once Voldemort is dead. Ron is a wizard all the Weasleys are still wizards in my head but I also like the idea of mixing them up some being wizards others being benders. Hermione is a water bender though I think earth could work to. Draco is the first Malfoy to be a bender and he's definitely a water bender learning how to blood bend the minute he can. Neville is a wizard. Luna is a Airbender. All of the teachers are still magic users expect Dumbledore who's both a wizard and a fire bender. Tonks is a wizard. Sirius is a firebender like Malfoy first bender in his family but unlike the Malfoys his parents didn't accept Sirius being a bender. Remus is a wizard... These all the most important characters I can think of.

Tenth idea, through the gate. So I'm imagining this happening in first year in the forbidden forest but I can also see it happening anytime after Sirius falls in the veil at the ministry either way it boils down to this Harry either discovers a Stargate while wandering through the forbidden forest or finds it intentionally or not in the ministry and without at all meaning too manages to put in the right sequence to open it and of course he goes through it! I don't care who you are Harry Potter would one hundred percent step through the Stargate now I'm most familiar with Stargate Atlantis so I'm imagining Harry after going through the gate can't get back home and unfortunately winds up in the clutches of the wraith and a combination of Harry's youth which I imagine would make him not a great meal and more importantly his magic keeps him alive but hunted and this hunting eventually or maybe even right away has him crossing paths with Ronan and eventually the rest of the Stargate Atlantis crew.

Eleventh idea, more Harry Potter not being raised by the Dursley's?! What? No way! In this crossover Wormtail kidnaps a baby Harry not with the intention of harming him that's why he's able to find him Peter kidnaps Harry with the idea that if Voldemort comes back he's doing his master a favor by making the boy disappear without killing him as even he knows only Voldemort can do that so instead he finds ancient magic and sends Harry far into the past ancient Greece to be specific where a baby Harry winds up on a temples doorstep the god of war Ares temple not just any Ares but the Ares from Hercules and Xena and Ares sensing magic and potential in Harry takes him in raising and training him to be a perfect tool and right hand man of course this only works for so long and the two grow legitimately close forming a father son bond. When Harry is five he's tasked with his first mission to manipulate and distract Hercules and while he gets close it ultimately doesn't work with Hercules figuring it out and Harry not really wanting to harm the guy like I said though he does get close still being loyal to Ares. Harry's second mission at eight is to manipulate Xena and Gabrielle which is even less successful and Harry winds up through a series of events joining Xena and Gabrielle on their crusade. Eventually Harry is found and sent back to his original time and when this happens Ares tracks down Xena and Gabrielle's reincarnations gets their memories back and has them help Harry as he can't get directly involved in the wizarding war Athena already claimed it. If you want to do a Snape redemption might I recommend setting him up with Xena? Also I think Harry and Joxer are essentially chaos brothers along... I forgot his name sorry but Bruce Campbell character get those three together it's nothing but chaos, I also think when Herc finds Harry with Xena and Gabrielle it's going to be a pretty funny confrontation.

Twelfth idea, magic , gods and camps oh my! When Harry Potter is young maybe around eight a Greek monster confuses his magical energy for being a demigod luckily this monster wasn't the only one some campers from the UK's camp halfblood also thought he was a demigod and so were watching him and rescue him from this encounter and bring him to camp where it's discovered he's not half God but the camp leader recognizes who Harry is being a child of Aphrodite with wizarding relatives they know exactly who Harry is and while already planning to help it's cemented when Harry gets claimed by Hecate goddess of magic who wants to give Harry an advantage in the wizarding war. Now if you want to make Harry a straight up demigod I have ideas on who his godly parent can be obviously one is Hecate I mean Goddess of magic? She feels a little obvious though so I did some research on lesser known gods who I think would be interesting so here they are. Astaria goddess of nighttime stars and divination. Nemesis goddess of retribution and balance. Nike goddess of victory. Hypnos God of sleep and dreams and finally Tyche goddess of fortune chance and prosperity.

Thirteenth idea, Stranger things then a hellmouth. In this crossover instead of the hellmouth being underneath Sunnydale it's underneath Hawkins and our girl El is the slayer here's the setup. I'm thinking El's mom died in childbirth and her dad isn't around so her story here is kinda similar to Kendra she was raised as the slayer as a weapon with Brenner as her watcher and acting to the outside world as her dad don't worry Brenner is still an asshole who will leave eventually I'll get there anyway they decide to put El and Brenner at Hawkins since you know Hellmouth and it's conveniently where the last Slayer died who's the last Slayer? Hoppers daughter so Hopper knows everything they even tell him their going there because frankly it's nice having a cop to cover anything he can up but of course Hopper notices the fucked up dynamic between El and Brenner and decides to do something about it and while he's successful there's no watchers available right now so Hopper is El's new watcher. Now there's only four more characters I really need to talk about as almost everything about them changes. In this AU the only character I could think that could work as a Darla stand in and I know this sounds weird is Billy I know it's weird but hear me out those two are actually kinda similar when you really think about it, and so in this universe Billy turns our Angel stand in who has to be Johnathan I mean who else could it be? Their relationship doesn't have to be exactly like Darla's and Angels unless you want it to be but they have been traveling together causing chaos for a long time when they meet and turn Christy Cunningham who of course turns Eddie. The only two I feel need more elaboration are Johnathan and Eddie let's start with Johnathan, Jonathan's backstory can essentially be Angels expect maybe he's not really a womanizing drunk and his dad is more abusive also he has family some cousins he doesn't even know it's why he doesn't bother killing them when he turns then obviously he pisses off the wrong person and gets his soul back. I'm thinking there's no prophecy over Jonathan's heads like there is Angel he just decides on his own to go to Hawkins for two reasons the most important is that he has family there in the form of Joyce and Will the second reason is the new slayer in town what better way to make up for what he's done then helping a slayer? Obviously instead of having a relationship with the slayer he has one with Nancy at least for a while I'm also thinking unlike Angel Johnathan doesn't leave or at least not for the same reason or in the same way. Eddie is obviously our Spike stand in and again the backstory can relatively be the same except where Spike seemed kinda upper crust Eddie isn't and replace poetry with music. Eddie also tries to turn his only family being Wayne but isn't successful Wayne just wants Eddie back as he was but of course this isn't what a soulless Eddie wants and so he winds up killing him I'd like to think he did it lovingly though. Everyone else's story is more or less the same.

Fourteenth idea, how many people will even know this one? This idea comes from watching two videos about The Path from YouTuber Izzzyzzz about this game and then watching Charmed right after so this idea essentially is making the sisters from The Path witches essentially the Charmed ones but there's more then three of them I'd seriously recommend watching the videos I'm talking about playing the game (if you can) and checking a website the developers of the game made where each character has 'made' their own sort of blog thing let's you figure out more about what the characters might do and say.

[crinosg]

Lois lane: *Angrily stomps into Amanda Waller's office*

Amanda Waller: Ah, Mrs Kent, or did you keep your last name? Anyway what can I do for...

Lane: *Slaps Waller across the face*

Waller: *Stands up* NOW SEE HERE, WHO DO YOU THINK....

Lane: STOP. PUTTING. THINGS. IN SUPERMAN'S. ASS.

Waller:....oh.

Lane: THE THIRD TIME WALLER. THE. THIRD. TIME. SUPERMAN HAD TO GO TO THE BATCAVE AND HAVE BATMAN EXTRACT THE CORPSE OF AN INCH HIGH ASSASSIN ARMED WITH A SEWING NEEDLE LACED WITH KRYPTONITE.

Waller: Can we maybe close the door and talk about this more quietly.

Lane: NO I DON'T THINK SO. LETS TALK LOUDER IN FACT. I WANT EVERYONE HERE TO KNOW JUST EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK THEY ARE DOING HERE. I WANT THEM TO KNOW WHAT OUR TAX MONEY IS BEING USED FOR."

Waller:.. Lois, please. Can we just breath for a minute?

Lane: ....*Sits down* Okay fine, but you are not off the look.

Waller: Okay first of all, what makes you think it was us?

Lane: Prankster doesn't have access to that technology. Brainiac would never try anything so idiotic, Mr. Mxysptlk has more class than that, and Lex wouldn't have tried three times. He'd be satisfied after the first attempt failed.

Waller: I mean there's always Darkseid.

Lane: WALLER.

Waller: Okay fine its me. But its not what you think.

Lane: We had a ceremony for them you know. Every time you do this Superman buries them in a little shoe box in the back.

Waller:....Of the fortress of solitude?

Lane:....Yeah lets go with that.

Waller: Actually fuck it, cards on the table I know he's Clark Kent.

Lane: Then you can probably understand why I'm so PISSED OFF.

Waller: But I have a good reason.

Lane: No, you know what I'm sick of this. Clark is the nicest guy on the planet. He has never done anything except help people and what do you do? Constantly try and kill him.

Waller: You don't understand....

Lane: I mean there are alien warlords and murderous clowns and immortal assassin lords and you spend your time on Superman? You know if you spent half as much time dealing with the Joker as you did Clark then Batman might have a goddamn social life.

Waller: We were trying to castrate your husband.

Lane:...what?

Waller: Short version, after you had a kid with Superman, we realized that it might be very bad for us if you kept having kids, because one of them might fall far from the tree if you get my meaning. The last thing we want is a super delinquent running around.

Lane: So, let me understand this right. You are attempting to castrate my husband, without his knowledge or consent, by shoving tiny men up his ass.

Waller:....an incredibly absurd way to put it but essentially, yes.

Lane:......

Waller:.....I'm guessing the explanation doesn't make it any better does it?

Lane: *flips over Waller's desk* ANGRY GODZILLA NOISES

Waller: SECURITY!

*After Lois gets escorted off the premises*

Waller: So that was a fun morning.

Guard: We got her to leave. Finally, Superman came to pick her up, but she seemed really angry.

Waller: She can't touch us, I'll kill any story she tries to publish about this.

Guard: Still though, maybe we should ease off messing with Superman for the time being.

Waller: See that right there? That is 'getting demoted to Superman ass duty' talk soldier.

Guard: Aw man.

I'm sure that would always weigh on Ray. The fact that his technology would rightfully make it so he never has to work a day in his life ...so long as he never questions what people would DO with it Action Comics 435

[found-family-tournament]

that other person be wild because there's a difference between kasumi/sumire. i mean yeah no spoilers but it's actually important though. well imma be honest here and explain the kasumi/sumire thing. for persona 5 royal you meet the character kasumi only to realize with in game janurary, that the character you think is kasumi is actually her twin sister sumire. basically sumire and kasumi are identical twins with kasumi being the older sibling (though like kasumi had more browner hair compared to sumire's red hair). there was a car accident in april where kasumi passes away. sumire had always been jealous of her sister so during an argument she runs off without paying attention to where she goes. sumire runs into traffic without knowing but her sister kasumi pushes her away and then dies because of it. sumire blames herself. she loves her sister but hates how kasumi was so perfect. so she like heavily grieves and the therapist is like "oh if you become kasumi, it might make you feel better" or something among those words and then sumire's cognition changes and she essentially thinks she's kasumi. the sumire introduces herself to others as kasumi and even if you call her sumire, she thinks you're calling her kasumi. but yeah she's traumatized.

but yeah where am i going with this, technically kasumi wasn't a phantom thief but sumire. i think to not spoil others, fandom ppl just refer to sumire as sumi (as her sister's name also had sumi in there).

i kinda posted comment on that poll but like atlus did not do a good job at integrating her within the phantom thieves group. she was a good concept but execution of her character was bad in relation to the group. she only really interacts with joker (protagonist guy), kinda morgana but not that much, and akechi who hates the phantom thieves and was trying to kill joker at one point. atlus could've put her more with the other phantom thieves but they chose not to and that was bad writing on their part. and i feel like found family would interact with everyone in the group not just one person.

i think if sumire was in her own separate game like sophia and zenkichi were, it would've been more convincing to have her in the group because sumire only helps them during that one part whereas sophia and zenkichi helped the phantom thieves in multiple times in their spinoff game with helping them get into certain events, post up calling cards, and gather information. sumire didn't do any of that really other than guide them to the third semester thing in royal.

but yeah much drama over who really is in the phantom thieves tbh. if anything you can just put down the main 8 (joker, ryuji, ann, morgana, yusuke, makoto, futaba, haru) and just call it a day because man is it really controversial

Oh damn. Well, I am learning way more about persona 5 than I ever thought I would, lol. It's pretty interesting tho.

Thank you for the clarification!! :)

Also, what kind of therapist suggest that?! That's fucking wild.

Sad to hear that they apparently didn't execute her character well, that always sucks. :/

Yeah, I guess we'll see how the polls turn out and then I'll decide what to do.

[n7inky-fanfics]

A Krogan Comes of Age and Shit Hits Hard

CW: PTSD & SH

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Pressing the keystone for the third time sends a jolt of dread straight through her body. The ground shakes beneath her feet in an all too familiar way, and in seconds it's there in front of her. A Thresher Maw. Shit! "Take cover!" She screams. She dives behind a column and her companions follow suit just in time to narrowly miss being hit by a spray of acid. Shit, shit, shit! Her breath is raw and frantic, and her head is spinning. For just a moment, she's not on Tuchanka anymore. Instead, she's on Akuze, hiding behind a rock while a maw sprays it's horrible acid at her. She's all alone and terrified and trying desperately to survive long enough to be rescued.

Then, she's snaps back into reality. Garrus is shouting to her "Shepard! Shepard, it's your call! What do you want to do?"

"We need to spread out. Grunt go left. Garrus go right. I'll take center. We need to take turns firing at it. When it starts turning to you, dive behind cover and wait for your turn again. Whatever you do, do not get hit by that acid! When it goes under, take the chance to reposition, reload, and apply medi-gel as needed. Go!"

She rolls out of cover and takes the first shots, firing continuously at it's face until diving behind a pillar at the last second. In that sane moment, Grunt picks it up, screaming as he shoots. It turns to face him and he barely makes it back to cover before Garrus is shooting, causing it to again turn. They continue like this, the three of them taking turns firing, keeping it busy and taking shots at apparent weak points. Finally, the maw shrieks one last time and falls to the ground, dead. Shepard puts her hands to her knees, panting her way through a wave of nausea.

All she wants is to go back to her cabin and shower away the smell of acid when Uvnek shows up, making snide comments that she's just not in the mood to take today. When he opens fire, she doesn't hesitate to return the favor and soon Clan Urdnot is down a few more Krogan. Sorry, Wrex.

After all is said and done, she finally returns to her ship. Garrus has been watching her closely since the maw, trying to see how badly it's shaken her. The last thing she wants right now is to open up in front of someone else. Not now, not with so many things causing her pain and worry. Opening the floodgates is a bad idea. To avoid his worried gaze, she excused herself immediately to her quarters.

As soon as the elevator stops on her level, she's tearing off pieces of her armor. She leaves it all dumped in a pile outside the door and rushes into the shower, still wearing her under armor. The smell of maw acid follows her. She peels off the wet clothes and scrubs them clean with the scented soap Cerberus left for her. She scrubs herself clean, too. Still, all she can smell is maw acid. She scrubs her skin harder and with more vigor, trying her best to eliminate every bit of that stench. Her skin, which is still thin and healing in some areas, breaks underneath her force, revealing cybernetic lights underneath her forearms. Blood pools in the wounds. Despite all that scrubbing, the stench is still there. This stupid body that isn't even fully hers won't let go of the smell.

"Damn it!" She screams so loudly her voice immediately goes raw. Her biotics flare blue around her fist and she punches the wall of the shower, leaving a massive dent. "Damn it" She cries again, running her fingers through her hair and sliding down to the shower floor. Her body shakes violently as she sobs. Her mind leaves this place, bringing her back to Akuze. She watches her friends die again. She watches herself flee the maws and scramble up a hill, only to fall and break several bones. She hears the crunch of her ankle shatter, feels the heat of the acid spraying the rock that saved her life. She hears herself weakly repeat the word "maws" over and over again in a desperate attempt to warn her rescuers of the danger ahead. Eventually, she finds herself back in her shower, and she becomes aware of the pain in her arms and the exhaustion throughout her body.

She pulls herself to her feet and turns off the shower, watching the last of the pink water run down the drain. She wraps herself in her towel and grabs a spare to help slow the bleeding at her forearms. "EDI, can you please discreetly send Dr. Chakwas up here with an injury kit?"

"Of course, Commander Shepard."

When Dr. Chakwas enters she quietly gets to work on Shepard's injuries. She applies medi-gel and covers each forearm with gauze. Eventually, she inhales deeply and asks "Commander, how did this happen?"

"I guess I scrubbed too hard in the shower." She shrugs. "Thank you for helping."

"I'm glad I could help, but Commander... be careful, please. You can talk to me if you ever need anything. Just keep in mind that your body is still healing, and your mind is, too. Be kind to yourself."

Shepard nods. "Thank you. Goodnight, Dr. Chakwas."

"Goodnight, Commander." She packs her kit and exits, leaving Shepard alone to get dressed and clean up.

After some cleanup, EDI says "Commander, Garrus is here. He would like to come in."

"Let him in, EDI. Thanks."

Garrus enters with a bottle of alcohol for Shepard and one for him. "Care for a drink?"

"Hell yeah." Shepard smiles, taking the bottle out of his hand and guiding him to sit with her on the couch. She cracks open her bottle and takes a great swig straight from it. "Long day."

"I'll say. Didn't know the Krogan had a coming of age ritual, or that it is so brutal. You'll be fending off Krogan suitors for years to come." He takes a sip and laughs.

"Yeah, that's what I get for killing a Thresher Maw on foot." She gulps down some more booze before continuing. "I saw you looking when we got back."

"I wasn't going to say anything-"

"Until you got me alone and comfortable enough to talk. Like right now."

"Okay, okay. You've got me. I'm just worried about you, as your friend."

"Hey, I kept it together just fine."

"You sure did, Shep. But noe there's nothing to keep it together for. Speaking of, what happened to your arms?"

"Thin skin and a hot shower don't mix. One of the many disadvantages of being recently resurrected and woken up still incomplete." She chuckles bitterly and chugs more of her alcohol.

"I have to admit, it was a shock, seeing you barreling down that bridge on Omega. I can't imagine how you feel." He places a hand on hers and gently looks her in the eyes. "I just want you to know that you're not alone. We're here for you. Joker, Chakwas, and I. We're here."

"Thanks, Garrus. Now, enough of the mushy stuff. Let's get drunk off our asses and laugh at stupid shit."

"Sounds good to me."

[doyelikehaggis]

Rowing the Rarepair Rowboat: Sophie Moore (Batwoman) x Freya Mikaelson (The Originals)

Requested by @the-demons-behind-your-smile

Freya ducks down behind the makeshift shelter Sophie's created from a long table. She nearly startles her, Sophie's hands already moving to raise her gun, but she quickly places a hand on her wrist.

Recognition comes, then Sophie sighs, briefly closing her eyes. "You really need to not sneak up on me, especially when we're literally trying to avoid being murdered by people we can't find."

"Couldn't find," Freya corrects, and procures the few strands of hair from her pocket. "I did a more basic but also slightly more complicated version of a locator spell and projected myself to where they are in the building."

Sophie's eyes grow and her mouth starts to open, some incredulous lecture about to fall out.

"Don't worry, they couldn't see me," Freya waves it off, "but they're up on the third floor now and have a lot of weapons, so either you call for backup from the rest of the Crows, or your strange vigilante ex, or you let me use magic on them..."

She trails off, making it clear which option she'd prefer. Sophie groans, but she visibly relaxes, her hands loosening on the gun.

A beat passes in silence and Freya just waits for her decision, watching her expression. There's the slightest twitch to her right eyebrow and she knows before Sophie even opens her mouth.

"Fine," she says, "but can you promise me that you won't kill any of them?"

"When have I ever killed anyone?" Freya asks, furrowing her eyebrows, and Sophie's shoot up with a scoff. "You can't count the vampires who tried to attack us back in New Orlenas, I've told you a million times that they don't count."

"Yes, I absolutely can and they do."

"They were going to kill us. And, I'm not even sure I actually did enough damage to kill them. They were probably just, you know, desiccated for a couple hours."

Sophie gives her that disbelieving, exasperated look. A muffled crash stops Freya from replying. It's followed by faint voices, shouting over each other a floor above.

"Alright, you use your magic on them, keep them distracted, I'll find a way around so I can find your sister, okay?" Sophie says, and Freya nods. "Though, knowing Rebekah, I have a feeling all that noise has something to do with her."

Freya grins. "There's a good chance."

She follows at the motion Sophie makes, leaving the hiding spot and crossing the empty room, avoiding the shells littering the floor. Something about the sight of all the empty cells with their rusty doors wide open makes her skin crawl. Asylums aren't really her favourite places to be considering, and Arkham certainly isn't the best of them all.

They quickly climb the stairs, light on their feet. When they reach the corner, Freya stops them from rounding it.

The shouting is much clearer now. Sure enough, she catches Rebekah's voice in the mix. Screaming, swearing. Threatening, of course, mostly to tear someone's head off with her teeth like a ripper and also to descale someone.

"Killer Croc?" Freya mouths. "I thought he was dead."

Sophie silently groans. "I guess Arkham wanted him alive for something. These idiots. God knows how many other inmates are running around in here."

"Unlucky for us to have gotten trapped in the middle of a riot-induced lockdown, huh?" Freya jokes.

Sophie cracks a grin. "More unlucky for them, I'd say."

Freya mirrors her grin. She throws a quick look around the corner to count.

"Seven inmates," she mutters to Sophie. "Five guns, one sword, and one... knife-cane thing? But she also looks like she might have a grenade on her so I'm not feeling too confident about her."

"Red hair? Really pale? Scars around her mouth?" Sophie asks urgently.

Freya checks again, then nods.

"That's Duela, Joker's kid. She'll definitely have something else on her. Probably explosive. Definitely lethal."

Freya draws back to look at her. Rebekah's still cursing everyone somewhere down the hall, her rather graphic threats bouncing off the walls. For the most part, she sounds unharmed and in little danger, but royally pissed.

"Alright, how do you wanna do this?" Sophie asks.

Thinking for a second, Freya's grin widens. "Remember our first anniversary?"

Sophie's face lights up in understanding, saying, "Of course. Werewolf pack. Hostage situation."

Freya raises her eyebrows, and Sophie nods.

"Let's do it."

The arguing rises up louder. With a wave of her hand, Freya mutters, "Invisique."