#johnny the intern does his job well

[sistersorrow]

Every culture eventually creates myths to explain things they don't understand, so let me share with you a story from my people: the myth of the Electricity Man, Jimmy the Intern

My country's electrical infrastructure is, to put it lightly, dogshit, being prone to electrical faults, failing (and occasionally exploding due to people siphoning oils) transformers, and simply not being able to meet national power demands, necessitating blackouts in some areas so others can have power

The problem is that the people in charge of all this lack any transparency, so these outages are never announced beforehand and could very well be likely

With no real way of predicting if or when these outages would occur, the people at my senior school all eventually came up with a character to give a face to the faceless machine of bureaucracy: Jimmy the Intern

Jimmy, as the story goes, had a little office with a big switchboard, with some switches controlling power for entire regions, while others were for individual houses, and it was Jimmy's job (which paid poorly if at all) was to be the sole decider of who got electricity and when

If the power went out, that was merely the will of Jimmy

If the power kept flickering on and off, Jimmy was bored, or maybe having problems at home and taking out his frustrations on his fellow citizens

If the power came back, but a really low voltage, Jimmy spilled his coffee on the switchboard or something

Like Santa Claus, you could have messages forwarded to Jimmy asking to bring the power back, and he'd often listen (this was an explanation for a common phenomenon we'd notice where the authorities would claim the outage was due to a fault, but then power would come back minutes after we'd call asking what the fuck was going on)

Some claimed that there were dances one could do to appease Jimmy, but this was deemed heretical as most of us were minors at the time and while Jimmy was an instrument of our oppression, he was not the kind of creep that would make kids dance for his amusement

Then, one day many years ago, there was no power outages for two whole weeks, only to suddenly go out around 16:00, and the next day when we gathered to discuss the Jimmy and his ways, we were all in agreement: Yesterday was the day that Jimmy died

Realising the evils he had committed, Jimmy the Intern locked himself in his office and refused to turn off the power, and the government, being filled with the kind of people who handed control of their electrical infrastructure to Just Some Guy, unlocked the door with a spare key, shot him 57 times in the head, and gave the job to Johnny the Intern

After that, the joke just kinda fizzled out, and Jimmy the Intern, the Electric Man, no, the Electric SAINT, went into the dustbin of history

[quarterlifekitty]

heyyy

can I ask for a part 2 on fuckboy soap?

i want to know more about what happens with reader and simon

in my head, Simon HATES seeing Johnny treat the reader that way. i can envision Simon taking her out, treating her right and all but stealing away Johnny's toy.

So, I posted a part 2, but I have these asks about it and I’d hate for them to go to waste— so I thought I’ll do a little bit of expansion on the relationship. Some shite exposition.

Uhhhh I’m back from writing this now and I didn’t mean to do this but I kind of made this like a prequel or like a part 1.5 I didn’t mean to make it so long oops

Promethean: how to starve a beast

Simon does not involve himself, in any way, in the nasty hookup miasma that Soap is a part of. That most of the frat is a part of, honestly. Motherfucker doesn’t party. This man is on financial aid and has a part time job. He is studying because he’s the one paying for his schooling and for his living expenses.

He doesn’t care that Johnny fucks people under less than savory pretenses. People get played by him? Better they learn their lesson with some harmless douche with a mohawk than with someone who will actually do some damage. Ultimately, not his business. He’s seen plenty of people come and go across the hall, and he’s not fussed.

He doesn’t respond to the conquest stories from the other guys when they’re sharing takeout, or the occasional ‘family’ dinner. Really, the only reaction he gives, even internally, is when one of them comments on something some girl did that was gross, or something about them that wasn’t hot.

A complaint that her period started when she stayed the night. I’d like to fuck a girl while she’s on the rag. Bet it’s fucking warm and slick.

A complaint that she had cellulite. Way to out yourself as being a porn addict, mate.

A complaint that her nails dug too hard into his skin. I’d love for a girl to make me bleed when I fuck her.

He didn’t feel any sympathy. Just accumulated little, harmless fantasies.

Until Johnny started talking about you.

Simon didn’t know you. Had never met you. Seen you once or twice, maybe. Hadn’t learned to even recognize your face.

“Kept leanin’, think she wanted me t’kiss her.”

“So fockin’ bad at giving head. S’a bit cute, tae be honest.”

“Tried tae make a grab for my hand the other night. Can ye believe it? Tryin’ tae hold my hand while ah’m givin’ it tae her. Daft thing still doesnae get it.”

Then he starts to notice you when you leave Soap’s room. The way you very gently close his door as if you’re worried about bothering him. The way you pause, like there’s something you want to say, before you move on. The deep breath. The odd sniffle.

And then, when you show up. Yanked inside without so much as a kind word.

Simon has to strain and get close to the door if he wants to hear you. Soap’s loud as all fuck, but from what one can hear from the hall, he may as well be in there alone.

It’s like there’s an electric coil in his belly. Every time there’s something to do with you, the dial ticks over a notch. The current heats the metal. Every time Soap brags about what he’s done to you. Every time he sees you shake when you walk down the hall and out of the house. Every time Soap brags about what you, the stupid little thing he keeps for a fuckpet, really wants—

The coil is red hot. Even if he could figure out how to turn off the burner, the heat would stay. The metal would be hot to the touch. The heat radiates the very air in front of him, like a mirage. He thinks of you when you’re not even in the house. When no one’s talking about you. You’re a parasite that’s squirmed deep into his gut and you can’t be removed without pulling his organs out with you.

He feels like he’s gone mad. How can no one else see it the way he does? How can Johnny not see how privileged he is to have you even look at him? How can he not want the perfect devotion you’re so keen to give him? How can you not know that any man would thank god for your returned affection, if you’d only set your sights on one that wasn’t a complete and total fuckhead? How has no jealous classmate or longtime friend come by and set Johnny’s nose bloody and crooked for how he’s treated you, sensitive and dangerously endearing as you are?

Every time Johnny talked about you, he had no idea that it was another rusted staple under his best mate’s skin. Building your mythology. Making you a prize. No, that wasn’t right.

Making you seem utterly wasted. Shackled yourself to a mutt with no sense for what he had writhing and submissive beneath him.

Soap has the perfect thing, the finest yield of flesh, right between his teeth and he won’t bite down.

Content for you to rot in his maw.

Well, Simon isn’t.

[bloodmoonmuses]

come back to me | mark lee

summary: your boyfriend, mark, drunkenly recounts the day the two of you met. (mostly to prove to haechan and johnny that love does, in fact, exist. even in the most unlikely of places.)

genre: mark lee x reader, established relationship kinda... but, like, also a meet cute? young love and all that jazz lol

It’s cold outside, the beginnings of winter trickling in with bitter fervor, yet you’re warm. Or rather, being warmed by the illusion of heat that courses through your veins: liquid courage. Now on your second bottle of soju, your form feels pliant, watery even, as you sway in the wind of your friends’ joy. 

In a booth (the leather of which is crackling at the seams) that forms a sort of semi circle, sits you, Mark, Johnny and Haechan. The wooden table before you is littered in plastic shot “glasses” and fried chicken wings that have been picked clean, and the bar is quite lively despite it nearing one in the morning. You lie your head against Mark’s shoulder, lost in the feeling of his muscles tensing and relaxing repeatedly beneath it.

“You good?” Mark whispers to you, shimming slightly as if to jostle a response out of you.

The words that escape your mouth feel fuzzy on your tongue, staticky around the edges. “Never been better.”

For some reason, the night has taken a nostalgic turn, fueled by the alcohol in everyone’s system. Haechan and Johnny have been arguing about their love lives for the better part of an hour. It never fails to amuse you how much they like bickering simply for the sake of it. You tuned out about ten minutes ago when Haechan brought up Johnny’s commitment issues only to be met with a rebuttal about him using humor as a coping mechanism. Both comments clearly strike a nerve in the men respectively, deciding to psychoanalyze their exes in chronological order in an attempt to disprove the validity of one another's assertions. 

“I don’t like that we can’t make fun of Mark right now,” Johnny confesses when he’s finished talking about an ex who turned out to be a closeted sasaeng, turning his attention to you and Mark.

Haechan scrunches his nose, gazing upon you as well. “Look at you two… All cozied up- it’s disgusting.”

“Hey man,” Mark starts, “don’t blame me for the lack of love in your life.” You punctuate his declaration with a kiss on the cheek, giddy and lovey-dovey in your drunken state. “See?” 

Johnny pretends to gag.

“How’d you meet anyway?” Haechan asks, “-so I can avoid any scenario involving… that.”

“Mark hasn’t told you the story in, like, excruciating detail?” you scoff. “He’s told everyone.”

Haechan shakes his head. 

“Oh God, don’t get him started,” Johnny groans. Mark sits upright, effectively knocking your head off of his shoulder, ecstatic with the chance to relay the way you met each other in its sappy glory.

“Spring,” Mark starts. “I was seventeen, so I had just debuted a year before, and-”

The cherry blossoms. They were stunning, you remember. Glistening and quivering under the weight of all the raindrops that had accumulated on them. The sheen of puddles scattered on the roads and sidewalks... You took the bus to work, a little cafe job you worked while finishing up your requirements at the international school you attended, and during that time of year, those bus rides were some of the most peaceful times in your day to day life. 

You think back to your youth, bright eyes aged only seventeen years, and how the world then seemed filled to brim with possibility. One day in particular, a chilly one towards the end of spring, you remember watching Mark enter the bus, his boyishness evident in his untied shoelaces and clunkily carried guitar case. On his back was a spiderman backpack, you remember vividly, and his hair is frizzy from how light he’s bleached it. He comes off a bit frazzled as you watch him stumble into a seat, precariously balancing a flimsy pair of headphones on his head, and settle in it with his knees bent. 

Once he’s gathered his bearings, he takes off his backpack and retrieves a notebook and pen, placing it on his knees, and begins to write frantically- like if he doesn't put pen to paper in this exact nanosecond, the idea will leave and never return. In a world of sloth and languidness, you’re fascinated by his urgency. You take off your own headphones to hear how he sounds in the context of silence, it is seven in the morning after all, and it only draws you in further. The scratching of the pen against the paper, orchestrated by the humming that just barely escapes his lips lulling you into a state of hypnosis.

Periodically, he furrows his brows, tries out a different melody, then writes some more- over and over again, until the pattern becomes more fluid. More succinct. Like the beginnings of a fully fledged song. He’s smiling now, and you find yourself unknowingly mirroring his joy, the fuzziness of it spreading up your neck like a campfire consuming its kindling. You’re enraptured. 

You want to live inside his head. What a superpower to have; to breathe life into written language. And then suddenly, he’s stuffing his notebook into his backpack as quickly as he had taken it out. His stop must be coming up soon, you had thought to yourself. 

After putting his feet back on the ground, he gingerly places his palms against the bus window- as if to test its temperature. When deemed cool enough, he exhales against the glass, quickly etching a heart onto its foggy surface with a squeak. His fingers are calloused, that much you can tell even from across the bus, and he’s tired- if the bags under his eyes are any indication. Then, the bus crawls to a stop, and he stands. Again, you’re mirroring him instantly, body moving before your mind can catch up. It’s not your stop, yours is another three down, but you exit nonetheless, too enthralled by the boy in front of you to let him out of your sight.

You walk about a block, maintaining about a ten foot distance between the two of you, and watch him hobble down the sidewalk with his huge guitar case. He grunts occasionally, adjusting and readjusting his baggage when the weight becomes too much, humming all the while. Until, of course, he turns around, tearing the headphones off of his head, and asks, “Are you following me?!” in a frustrated huff. 

You stop in your tracks. Oh wait, you had thought, you are sorta following him. Well, the cafe is in this direction technically but-

“You’re not one of those people with a fansite, are you? Look, dude, I know we debuted last year, but I want a normal life just like-”

“I’m not a fan. I mean, not yet, I guess. Well- no. I was just… I’m not following you. Mostly.” you stammer. 

Mark scratches his head. “Then, what are you doing…?”

“You were writing a song on the bus,” you look at the ground, staring at your shoes in search of some solace, reprieve from the then stranger’s prying eyes. How did you think this would turn out any other way? “I thought maybe, you could… sing it. Like, out loud.”

Mark sighs. “Look, dude, I have practice and-”

“Right. I’m sorry for being weird, you just looked… Nevermind. Have a nice day- sorry to bother you.” You turn on your heels, in the complete opposite of the cafe you’re supposed to be going to, and make a break for it. As you trek up the hill, you shatter your reflection over and over again, the splashing of puddles beneath your feet the only sound tethering you to reality. 

“It’s not finished-” Mark starts, voice cutting through the rustling leaves and bustling city with piercing clarity.  You’re frozen, still facing away from the hypnotist behind you. “-but I could show you the idea. Because that’s what it is right now. Just an idea.”

You turn to face him. “Um. Sure. If that’s okay.”

Haechan interjects Mark’s storytelling, words warbling from his completion of a third bottle of soju for the night. “No way you actually sat down and played the song for-”

“Shh!” Johnny says, “This is the best part.”

“See, I knew you secretly loved this mushy-gushy stuff,” you say. 

Mark giggles. “So, like I was saying-”

You sit on a bench freckled cherry blossom petals and just-dried droplets of dew, knee bouncing nervously when Mark plops down beside you. Mark sets his guitar case down, flat in front of him, and opens it. Retrieving his notebook from his backpack once again, he places it on your lap, surprisingly enough. Wordlessly, he puts his guitar in his lap, throwing the strap over his neck and shoulders, and cranes his neck to re-familiarize himself with his feverishly scrawled ideas. Just before he strums the first note, he says, “Just an idea. Keep that in mind.”

Then he sings. A mix and hesitant laments of love lost, then found, yearning for the past, but hopeful for the future. But other words are not words at all. They’re more, like, messily sung runs. Like he’s sketching lightly, so he can erase later. He’s got a hook. He sings it three times, and the way his Adam's apple bobbles is now permanently etched in your mind. When he’s done, he opens his eyes slowly, assessing the damage done. He almost looks surprised that you’re still sitting there.

You whisper, voice whisked away in the gentle breeze, “I never asked your name.”

“Mark. Just Mark.”

“Nice to meet you, ‘Just Mark’.”

“What do you think? How do you feel?” Two entirely different questions, both of which hit your ear in a way that makes your stomach leap- or maybe it’s the gravelly timbre of his voice and unsure eyes.

“Good,” Mark’s eyes spur you on further, silently asking you to elaborate, “The song sounds good and I feel good.”

“Is that the only adjective you know? ‘Good’?”

“I know a lot of adjectives. I’m just… nervous. So, yeah.”

Mark grabs his notebook and returns it to his backpack, packing up his guitar as well. As he stands to leave, he turns and says, “Your name.”

“What?”

“You never told me your name.”

“_______,” you reply meekly.

“And your hand,” he urges, “give it to me.” You extend your arm and Mark delicately grasps your wrist. Then, Mark nervously scrawls his number on your palm, pen digging into your skin slightly. 

You can hear your heartbeat in your ears. 

“If you have any thoughts beyond it being ‘good’, gimme a call.” And just like that, he’s gone, running down the hill to make it to practice on time.

As Mark ends his retelling of events with a wistful hum, Haechan chortles. “Yeah. You two disgust me.”

[ceilidho]

coworker soap who frames the fleshlight thing as a joke but with a creepy undercurrent that you cant understand why you know it isnt a joke but you also dont wanna rock the boat so you dont tell hr bc johnny the ex-military man is a model employee otherwise and you cant help but feel hot shame run down ur spine when he says it that you are, at least a little, flattered by it bc shit dude hes HOT. coworker soap who just. doesnt bring it up again. its just boiling rhe frog. he says weird, borderline creepy shit that could be passed off as "guy talk" in any other situation (regardless of readers gender). He follows you around like a puppy and where it used to be normal for you, you feel a little creeped out now but. everyone. already refers to you as a duo. itd be weird if you stopped for no reason? right?

i don't know what broke in my mind long ago that this is like, the weirdly hottest thing in the world to me but im genuinely twitching over it right now.

model employee Johnny, knows the handbook inside and out, walks elderly customers to their cars with their bags, shows up to work early for every shift, always with a smile and a positive attitude. management loves him because his sales are also record high (i mean, it makes sense - i wouldn't be able to say no if he was helping me with a purchase and tried to upsell me). he's also a spokesperson for the company in all of their internal training videos because he was hired through some "jobs for vets" program that they just rolled out (idk i'm making this up). and the guy can stack things on a shelf like no one's business lmao like MILITARY precision/organization.

all your coworkers love him and genuinely like fist pump whenever they get put on the schedule with him because he's a blast to work with, and some of your coworkers are actually incredibly jealous that he just seems to follow you around everywhere. hangs off your every word. always seems to just pop out from around the corner whenever you're having trouble reaching something on a shelf.

but he says weird, uncomfortable shit to you sometimes. way over the line. you don't even know what to say at first when Johnny jokingly tells you that he has a fleshlight at home that he's named after you, just laughs and then stares at you for a second. and you like, give a little awkward laugh, growing more uncomfortable by the second the longer he stares at you without blinking. until something passes over his eyes and suddenly he's back to normal, clapping you on the arm and wandering off back to the men's apparel section.

he does a lot of strange shit actually. maybe insists on walking you to your car when the two of you are on the closing shift and it's well into the evening. laughs a little too hard and with too much vigour when someone calls him your shadow, his eyes just a little too bright and fervent. asks if you want to sit on his lap while he shows you how to use the forklift in the backroom. begs management to let him take his breaks with you and doesn't let you have a moment of peace, just sits with you in the breakroom or follows you to your car when you say that you're going out for lunch.

and you can't complain to any of your coworkers because the second you so much as criticize his work, they bark at you to be nice to him. he's just re-acclimating to civilian life, of course he's not perfect at his job yet. they defend him viciously. and the real jealous ones even tell on you in front of him, leaving you standing there embarrassed and on the spot until Johnny just smiles and says that it's alright. you'll just have to teach him better.

[ronearoundblindly]

Hi Lexi, I have an ask 😏

I keep seeing these pranks girlfriends are doing on their boyfriends on TikTok where the girl is talking to her man about her waxing appointment she just had and she casually says 'HE was great' or 'HE did a great job’

How do you think the Chris characters would react? 😂😂

Warnings for Lexi getting on her professional high horse and inferences to, well, the areas that get waxed.

Hi. I'm Lexi, and this is my job. I wax people for a living and am about to get extremely serious for a moment before our fun imagines...

IF the person is professional, there is zero reason a male or female waxologist should matter. Of course, it is important for the client themselves to be most comfortable, but men and women can be equally good at this job and equally shit at it. I say this knowing that I went to school with a handful of women that did not care about the comfort or safety of their clients, only money and time. I'd say it was as bad as 50/50. The sex or sexual orientation of your professional doesn't actually matter, and I find it childish that any man would get huffy or jealous as long as the service is done professionally and well for the actual client. I would personally punch any man (yes, even those with faces as pretty as above) for being a sexist, assuming dickhead in this manner.

James Mace

Curious. Sorta wants to come with you to your next appointment and ask how a man gets into that line of work, since it is more rare. Mace would also be curious if you were shocked at first that a man would wax you. Did you feel uncomfortable at first? Has more than one man waxed you? Is this...is this a thing he can learn to help with? He's simply never thought about it before.

Curtis Everett

Weirdly 'classic man' about it and thinks it's bizarre a man waxes people. He just thinks that sounds like a woman's profession and a woman's service. Cringes and hisses at the mere thought of hair being ripped from his own body, so Curtis cannot fathom why anyone does it, man or woman.

Jimmy Dobyne

Doesn't give a rat's ass if there's hair down there, so mostly he's just indifferent to the whole situation. If you start talking about 'how cute' your waxer is, however, that's another story. Would probably assume the man is gay, too, and would express shock if you said otherwise. To Jimmy though, a job is a job. Whatever.

Johnny Storm

Simultaneously doesn't care and is fascinated. He's a try-anything-once person, so Johnny kinda wants to know what that feels like AND will be an enormous baby about the pain of waxing. He would be equally fascinated if the professional were female or male to be honest, though he'd be slightly more goofy and flirtatious with a woman. Johnny--as you may guess--would love to make you jealous so that he can 'prove himself' to you over and over again; he isn't a jealous type on his own.

Jake Jensen

Dead silence. Doesn't mention a fucking thing about how he feels but internally screaming. Deeply angry that not only did a man see you that way but also that a man is doing something 'painful' to you and that Jake didn't know before. Does a background check on your professional without ever saying a word to you. Only brings it up if there's something suspicious in the man's record. Refuses to be 'that guy' and voice his discomfort. Hopes you both never speak of it again...or the man retires soon and you see a woman.

Lloyd Hansen

Can you guess? I feel by now you can guess what I'm going to say.

Lloyd (that's right) doesn't. give. a. fuck.

Good. Get waxed. There is no need to talk about it. He just cares that it's done, not about any of the specifics.

Ari Levinson

Horrified that anyone waxes anything. Vaguely interested that a man offers it. Asks you what he looks like--i.e. does a man with a lot of hair (like Ari) wax other people or is he rather hairless himself? Ari shivers while considering it and promptly forgets all about it.

Ransom Drysdale

Did the job get done? Fine. Is the guy your only option for someone to wax you? No. Will Ran call your salon and insist you never be booked with the guy (or any guy) again? Yes. Yes he will.

Does Ran tell you he did that? No. Does he care if you know? Also no, but he ain't fucking discussing it. End of story.

Andy Barber

Literally has twelve other things to talk about with you so he doesn't care at all. Would forever prefer enjoying the results then getting hung up on the methods...

Steve Rogers

Has NO IDEA how to respond to that. Has NO IDEA if he should care or be mad or be interested or offer any words whatsoever. Is SO AWKWARD when moving on to another topic of discussion.

Bucky Barnes

Grumpy. First suggests and then insists that he do it for you/help. Verbally observes that it would save money and time to simply do it at home; emotionally unhinged at the wave of possessive rage he feels in the moment. He isn't proud of the response, but he also isn't letting that continue. Full-stop.

Thank you for asking!

[Main Masterlist; Who Would...Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

@supraveng @1950schick @patzammit @whiskeytangofoxtrot555

@yiiiikesmish @ashesofblackroses @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory

@brandycranby @buckysprettybaby @ellethespaceunicorn

@late-to-the-party-81 @bigtreefest @mistressmkay @astheskycries

@rogersbarber @blogbog710 @yenzys-lucky-charm

[robiinurheart33]

Ghost hates it when they’re alone.

Solo missions always just felt like something methodical. Kill the target, get out of there. Laswell in one ear, Shepard in the other. The same thing over and over again, until he dies. Then he met Soap. Soap, who touched him like it was nothing, burning over layers of clothes. Soap, who asked him if he preferred coffee or tea in the aircraft when he knows Ghost was actively trying to ignore him. Goddamn Soap, who was always there now, to bump his shoulder or ask him stupid questions.

Suddenly, there were stakes now. There was something to lose. Missions now felt like there was some kind of reward at the end of the tunnel, which was a laugh, pat on the shoulder with a “Nice job eh, LT?” In that horrid accent. It’s suffocating. It’s embarrassing. He wants more.

They’re currently on a stakeout, and Soap was supposed to be asleep 2 hours ago.

Ghost looks down the barrel of the telescope, watching as the target closes his blinds. He sits back up and glances over at Soap who plops into the seat across from him, a small book in his hand. The smell of their Chinese takeout and shared hotel soap is still strong in the air, and the moonlight shins in a way that just makes Johnny look radiant. His Mohawk is still wet from the shower he took, the collar of his shirt wet. Ghost imagines him shaking his head back and forth like a dog. Soap starts to twirl his pen around in a way that he knows sooner or later he’ll accidentally lose control and fling to the ground. It’s quiet.

Ghost looks back out the window, mentally letting himself relax slightly for the first time since they arrived. They’re okay, he thinks. They’re as safe as they can be at the moment. His eyes lock onto the closed window, watching a pigeon land on the windowstill and start picking its feathers. Soap starts jiggling his leg and ghost does not start counting how many times he twirls his pen.

10,11,12…

Soap looks at him then turns out the window. Ghost knows that he’s starting to get peckish, and the granola bar sitting in his pocket starts to burn against his thigh. Honestly, he’s always been aware of his teammate’s strange quirks. Soap picks at the scabs at the back of his neck when he’s nervous, Gaz has a killer poker face, but his palms will always have crescent indents. Price blinks quite fast and irrationally when he’s faced with an impossible situation, then never blinks when he’s focused.

20,21,22… Soap opens his journal.

He noticed it a few months into working together, internally scolding himself for not noticing sooner. Small little thing it is, ripped around the edges with papers almost falling out of it. Clearly well-loved. Ghost wonders if he’s been mentioned inside. He wonders if he notices Ghost just as much as he’s noticed him. If Johnny knows that he knows he only got the scar on his chin from a beloved childhood dog, Penny. That he bites his knuckles when he thinks he’s alone to help him concentrate better. That he once chugged a can of beans on a dare and he got 2 pounds from it. That he was from a Roman Catholic household and that his father was a dickhead. That he only shaved his mohawk when he was a FNG and desperately wanted to impress his friends. That pretty shade of pink his ears turn when he-

38,39,40…

Johnny clicks his pen open and starts to sketch.

The skktch of the pen now fills the silence between them, and Ghost can feel Soap’s attention zero in on him now. He turns his head around to watch him draw, his head hovering over the page. He can see his mask being sketched out, and his ears feel usually hot. It’s cute, really, that Johnny considers him something worthy to be drawn. But the thing is… it feels like he knows how to draw it. he’s sketching down his hard covered mask, which he isn’t even wearing right now, and he’s not glancing up to make sure it’s accurate to the real thing. He’s drawn ghost before.

He doesn’t know how to react to that.

Johnny’s head starts to bob closer and closer to the page now, and Ghost tries to push down a small smile. Soap looks back up and catches Ghost staring at him, but he doesn’t look away. He knows by now that if he wanted to say anything, he would’ve already said it.

Just as he expected, he breaks the silence first.

“…wha’?” You’re so cute.

“You’re looking at me.”

“Astute observation, LT. Is it still night time?” Little shit.

“Wha ‘ave you got for us?”

Johnny covers his journal, ears turning that fucking adorable shade of pink. His smile grows wider.

“ Didn’t know you got yourself a little diary.” he can hear the smile in his voice now, tries to smother it down a notch. Christ, it’s like he’s 16 all over again.

Soap tsks. “It’s a journal.”

he huffs. “Right.”

“Am’ no lying!” His accent thickens up like it usually does when he’s being defensive.

“Never said you were. Drawin’ me now?” He looks down at his hands covering the journal, and he just knows Soap’s face is flushed now.

“ Yer a good subject, never movin like a statue. It’s good for practicing my still life.” Johnny’s ring finger twitches.

Liar.

Simon looks back up at him again, and watches in real time as his pupils dilate, moving slightly as if savouring the moment. His throat gets all prickly, and is suddenly remembering now 42 ways to kill him with just a pen.

He decides to throw him a lifeline. he’s only a man after all.

“…. At least get my good side, Sargent.”

“Full o’ shite, you.” A chuckle.

Now he can breathe easier. Johnny rests his knee up against the table and places his journal on it, resuming. Simon huffs in faux annoyance, rolling his eyes before looking out the window again. He looks at Johnny out of the corner of his eye, and he knows that he’s aware by the small smile peeking from the corner of his lips. His eyes keep floating back to Johnny’s features, the way the moonlight hits his face, the perfect slope of his nose, his eyelashes, his eyes, god. he feels a bit dizzy. It’s like his whole life he’s been trying to suppress the urge to feel anything for anyone. And now, he’s feeling just way too much. Affection, tenderness, it never meant anything to him. It’s all he feels nowadays. It’s sickening.

Ghost hates it when they’re alone. Simon preens at the intimacy.

They fall back into comfortable silence, Johnny 2 hours and 30 minutes over his allotted time to sleep.

Soap’s pov

[goodday-goodmorn]

Rahhhh it’s Christmas and i’m back! Today’s feature (feature? Should i start calling them that? Sounds kinda cool-) is the amazing @charliemwrites, specifically a little drabble (unedited as always), based off of their Keeper/Kept AU. Not thier most recent stuff- (I think it’s Neighbor Johnny or the Woof Woof series-) You know what? Just- Here. Everything they write is gold <3

Anyhow, i present: Domesticity and Devotion

“Oh to be a wild bird…”

You sigh, chin in your palm as you leisurely stare out at the window.

“Or a stray cat.” You muse, watching as one of the kitties of the neighborhood walks along outside.

“Those fuckers have it good. No shitty job. No rent to pay. Just free pets and wandering the world… and if someone’s being a dick they can hiss and bite all they want.”

You hum, reaching for your drink and sipping on it leisurely.

“I don’t think I could survive in the wild though.”

You say after a moment, realizing how you’re cuddled up in your blanket and sipping on your wendy’s lemonade, the TV playing some random comfort show and your laptop open as you halfheartedly play Papa's freezeria.

“Can barley survive in domesticity.” You mumble, glancing towards the envelope on the kitchen counter that you got this morning about a rent increase.

You sigh.

“Maybe in my next life i’ll be lucky enough to be reborn as some rich white ladies cat. Those fuckers are livin’ better than me that’s for sure.”

————

This is not what you meant.

When you wistfully wished to never have to step foot into the capitalist hellscape that was life again- that was not an open invitation for you to be whisked away against your will.

Apparently though, the 6 foot giant of a military man named Simion Riley, heard it as one.

Because now here you were, pampered and cared for like a bloody sugar baby or pure breed persian cat. Kept at some random location and fed and groomed and meticulously attended too.

All against your will, mind you.

However it’s hard to complain because well- you’re living life good. This realization, of just how good you have it- hits you when you feel yourself getting genuinely angry at the shitty romance novel you were reading.

The Male lead was treating the MC like shit- and the MC was letting him get away with it!

You feel your face physically grimace. To calm yourself down (because you are getting genuinely heated when she lets him shove her to the damn floor over asking him for a drink-), you set your i-pad down.

(It had been a gift; something sort of like a kindle, where you could only read books and listen to music. You weren’t sure what Simon did to it exactly- but it wasn’t just published books you had access too, comics, original works, poetry, you could get all sorts of reading stuff on here.)

“This mother fucker-“

You mumble to yourself in disbelief, shaking your head before huffing and picking the device back up. You’re close to cheering as you read the MC’s internal dialogue about wanting to bite his ass- (Truely an MC after your own heart- they were one of the main reasons you were still reading this shitshow-)

And yet, what does the main character do?

They get the drink for themselves and then let him snatch it from their hand and down it.

Nope. You’re fucking done. You’re fumin’ now, irrationally angry on the MC’s behalf because they’ve been putting up with this guy for fifteen chapters now.

The audacity of men- oh my god. You can’t believe this guy.

“Who does he think he is?!”

You grumble and then just for your own purposes you yell—

“Simon!”

Predictably he is at your side in a moment, dropping everything for you.

You have your arms crossed, as you say, “Go get me a drink.”

He tilts his head slightly, eyes crinkled just a tad at your strange mood but doesn’t deny the order. Simply asks,

“Cold or hot?”

“Cold.”

And with that he’s gone, returning with a fresh glass of ice cold lemonade, complete with a little lemon slice on the rim of the glass. You sip it, set it aside and cross your leg, tapping your forehead.

“Give me a kiss.”

He doesn’t hesitate for a moment, gently kissing your forehead.

“Kneel.”

His eyes are crinkled now with a bit of amusement, but he drops to his knees easy. Gently holding onto your soft thighs. (Always so gentle with you.)

“Course, pretty.”

He mumbles low, head tilted up to you in a question, “Need me to take care of you?”

You hum, absentmindedly messing with his hair and ignoring the way the question sends a slow pool of warmth into your tummy.

“No.”

It’s decisive. You’re practically preening with satisfaction at his actions.

“You can go now.” You say and like that, he gets up. Not a complaint on his lips even when you notice he’s got a raging boner.

“Wait!”

You call and he pauses, looking at you with a questioning hum.

“Kiss me again.”

And he does so, this time a soft gentle kiss on your lips. When he pulls away he mumbles an ever softer-

“Dinner will be ready in 10.”

You nod and pick up your tablet with satisfaction curling low in your gut. (For the duration of your reading all you can think about is how Simion would never.)

————

“And another thing-!”

Simion is absentmindedly (as absentmindedly as Simion of all people can get anyway-) rubbing circles into your back as you rant. You’re sat in his lap, coaxed into sitting there after he asked about your day.

So obviously you started to babble about the book you were reading, which turned into a whole rant session about how stupid the Male lead was.

“That stupid idiot- that moron- you wanna know what he does simion?”

He knows it’s a rhetorical question. You’re gonna tell him anyway. Still he hums to show he’s still listening.

“This bastard shoves them into the ground. To the ground! Can you believe the it?”

He shakes his head lightly with a tsk.

“Exactly. God and then when they get the drink he has the audacity to snatch it from their hand and down it in one gulp before they can even say anything.”

You shake your head, so far into your little rant you don’t realize how much you’ve made yourself comfortable. Sitting in his lap fully, ranting to him like he’s an old friend. Your tongue is loose with comfort right now. And that must be what possessed you to say—

“Me personally? I could never. If you ever pulled that shit— God i don’t even know what i’d do but it would not be pretty

You close your eyes with a nod to yourself at your own words. Not aware of the way Simon’s eyes seem to soften. Not until he gently kisses the top of your head.

“Never.”

He says it so quietly you almost miss it. (Feverintly. Reverently. Like the very idea is absurd.)

“If i ever do something like that you run and break into my gun cabinet and bloody shoot me.”

And god his voice- he’s 100 percent fucking serious. Suddenly you feel warm and small in his lap, utterly tiny compared to the sheer size of his devotion for you.

It’s all you can do to mumble out a weak.

“Good.”

And the rest of the night is spent with you reading the rest of the book together. When the MC finally is able to get rid of the Male Lead, it is a joyous occasion that ends up with her absolutely clocking the guy in the face with a champagne glass. Which then leads into a curious conversation with you and ghost about how much damage that would actually do.

It’s a good day.

[holeintheboat]

The Outsiders Mafia AU (Headcanons)

!!WARNING: This may contain some spoilers!!!

-Johnny loves Jazz (blues are a close second)

-Darrel is called ‘Superman’ because he once stopped mid getaway to help a woman cross the street

-The entire mafia group worships Frank Sinatra

-Tim got his scar in a violent one-on-one fight with Dallas, which also led to him losing the eye

-Johnny is a FANTASTIC cook, and shares his love through food

-Ponyboy used to watch a ton of Mafia/Secret Agent movies to ‘study’ for his future job

-The Shepherds are all from Sicily, and lived there for most of their teen years

-Johnny learned to speak several languages so that he make international deals

-Angela puts hours of efforts into her curls, and once killed a man for trying to run his fingers through them to flirt

-Curly prides himself in his height, he grew to the same height as Tim just a year before the events of ‘No Permanent Death’ and loves to remind everyone

-Johnny actually has a hatred for alcohol, but drinks it (or pretends to) to make himself seem older

-Tim will only ever drink beer

-Dallas became an assassin because he wanted to be like Charlie Chan and almost quit when he realized the man was, in fact, not an assassin

-Johnny has faked his own death about six times, and has gotten creepily good at it

-Darry hates swearing, and only does it when he’s very very upset

-Darrel is the only Curtis who can speak more than just English, He learned Italian so he could understand exposed messages within the Mob

-Dallas has actually run into the Shepherds several times, he never realized Johnny was Bambi because usually the boss doesn’t participate in the fights

-The socs do exist in this universe!! Most of them are businessmen/women who the mob has killed :P

-Sylvia also exists!! She is Dally’s ex-girlfriend, she left him after she figured out he kills people for a living

-Soda and Steve are still dating Evie and Sandy in this verse. Sandy isn’t aware of what Soda does, Evie actually is also a member of the mob and often helped out Steve at work

-When Mr.Shepherd died, all of his jewelry was given to Johnny because he was taking his place. The only thing he kept was a ring (a thick, gold, engraved ring with a red ruby) the rest was given to the Shepherds to disperse amongst themselves

-The Shepherds each got one ear pierced when they were teens to be more like their father

-Johnny sees the Shepherds as his equals, which is the reason they all dress similarly. This is also why it doesn’t occur to someone that he is the boss.

-Angelas callsign “Bella” comes from the word Bello: which means Beautiful in Italian

-Johnny once shot a very important client just because they shoved Curly

-Curly is actually really bad at his job, but gets away with it because of pure luck

-Soda got the name ‘Dice’ because he's known for taking chances on the job

-Johnny called Tim ‘Scarface’ after he lost his eye in an attempt to raise his spirits, and the name just stuck

-Tim has a glass eye, but often takes it out because he thinks its funny how grossed out his coworkers get

-Johnny wanted to be a musician, and can play the sax and guitar (he couldn’t decide if he wanted to be Louis Armstrong or Chuck Berry lmao)

-Curly wholeheartedly thought he and Johnny were related for most of his life, because he wasn’t on the mission where they found him

-Johnny gives out most of the nicknames, he was actually the first person to call Darry ‘Superman’

-The Sicilian Mafia is usually very specific about only letting in Italians. Johnny called bullshit on this, and that's how Steve(slick) and Buck(comma) got put in

-Steve used to work at the DX, he got invited in to the mafia because he was the only one who was willing to take Johnny’s car (all of his former coworkers thought a scruffy child with a century old car wouldn’t pay well)

-Buck got invited in after Tim and Johnny saw a man throw a drink on him (he beat the man to a pulp and Johnny said he had good enough aim to work for them)

-Angela LOVES compliments (She forces her brothers to hype her up 24/7)

-Johnny holds large dinners with everyone who works under him once a month to get to know them. The reason so many people are willing to take orders from him is because they know he’s the kindest boss they’ll get

-Tim is incredibly well-versed in dressing wounds, it's become somewhat of his job

-Curly cannot aim for shit, and has repeatedly just handed the gun to someone else

-The Curtis’s used to have a dog before Ponyboy was born, but they had to get rid of it to be able to pay for his upbringing

-Curly is known for full-on tackling people in fights, which actually works incredibly well

-Johnny is a horrible driver and has hit several pedestrians, animals, and trees (and got very upset after each one)

-Ponyboy has a binder that he uses as a dairy, he had pages dating back to his parents death

-Curly once tried to tackle Darry on a mission, Darry then simply pulled him off and tossed him out of the room

-Darrel refuses to do any work that involves a woman, and has lost to the Shepherds several times because he wouldn’t detain Angela

-Soda once drove a getaway car straight into the side of a building, and it almost got him and Darry killed

-Johnny paid for Steve to get braces, and he had the nickname ‘Lock Jaw’ for a VERY long time

-The Curtis’s often have movie nights!!

-Johnny refuses to hurt children, and often makes someone take the kid to another room if they do anything violent

-Ponyboy LOVES the arts, and his knowledge of Italian literature and art has saved him many times

-Angela is an excellent baker, and often tries to get her brothers to help her (they fuck it up every single time)

-Ponyboy still has nightmares in this universe, and has climbed into Soda/Darrys bed several times

-Darry hates that Pony often sees him as the bad guy, but knows he has to be to keep him safe

-Johnny is known for having an odd sense of humor and it has almost gotten him killed a million times

-Tim has “la famiglia” tattooed on his right bicep, with three little hearts under it (very similar to the one his father has on his neck)

-Though Steve doesn’t have and important role in the Mafia, him and Johnny are very good friends

-Tim is what's known as the ‘consigliere’ which means he serves as an adviser to the leader and resolves disputes within the family. (Johnny refused to make anyone the underboss because he didn’t like to think of any of them beneath him in rank)

-Ponyboy is a stargazer

-Johnny was been confused for a girl several times due to his long hair, but he refuses to cut it

-Tim gets very upset when people flirt with Angela (he’s the definition of a over-protective older brother)

-Johnny has never dated anyone- he knows whomever they are will be put in danger, and he doesn’t like the thought of people he loves fearing for their lives

-Soda once got a concussion because he ran into a wall during a chase with Curly, Curly only remembers him as ‘the wall kisser’

-The Shepherds all have a violent hatred for Ponyboy because Johnny told them about what happened in the first chapter (though Johnny has never spoken about him with even an ounce of malice)

-Darrel has been shot many times, so much so that the hospital knows him by name

-Johnny can’t stand hospitals because his parents once left him at one for three weeks. So even if he is on his damn deathbed he will NEVER go to one

-Just about everyone in the Mafia is not proud to be in it, but they all know it’s the best thing they can do with their backgrounds

-Buck and Johnny are rather close, and Buck often makes him fake drinks (ones without alcohol) because he knows how much the boy hates it

-Darry and Soda are both REALLY into cars. it’s actually helped them a lot in car chases, because they can always remember the make and model of the car

-The Shepherd Family was actually not very well known until Johnny took over, but he still worships Mr.Shepherd as if he’s the most famous man on earth

-most named characters has been to prison at one point (aside from Angela, Curly, Ponyboy, and Darrel)

-The job as Boss is incredibly stressful, and Tim has taken over for Johnny on several occasions

-Tim taught Angela, Curly, and Johnny hand-to-hand combat. He’ll often brag about it to anyone who will listen.

-Johnny goes by the Shepherd name, and only signs ‘Cade’ under important documents

-Angela has the best aim out of her entire family

-Tim actually was very upset when Johnny got his job as boss, but got over when he realized just how much the job SUCKEDD

-Two-Bit and Dallas worked together when they were rookies, but Dallas eventually moved on to do bigger and better things

-Ponyboy loves August weather, but feels he can’t enjoy those months becuase that’s when his folks died

-Two has run into Angela several times and made several (failed) attempts to flirt with her

-Johnny and Dallas have actually had several conversations in this universe, But Dallas never thought he was worth killing

-Sometimes random pastries/foods would appear on the Curtis doorstep during the Great Depression, they never knew where or who it came from but it helped them to survive (take a wild guess who made them lol)

-Johnny used to play the guitar while Angela sang to help Curly sleep <3

-Darry has never once touched a cigarette, but will drink jus tan out anything put in front of him

-Pony LOVES Italian food, but refuses to eat it because it just feels wrong to him

-Red is Angela’s favorite color, which is why the whole group is forced to wear something red (she picks out their clothes literally every day)

-Mrs.Shepherd died while giving birth to Curly, so Johnny and Curly have both never met her

-The Shepherds love spring because it reminds them of Sicily

-Bucks original nickname was FAG (Funny Accent Guy), given to him by Curly

-The Curtis brothers were all relatively short as kids, but shot up the second they hit puberty

-Tim tried to kidnap Louis Armstrong for Johnny's birthday (it did not work.)

-The Mafia has two main cover restaurants. One being a bar (that we see in the first chapter) and the other being an off-brand Italian place (Whenever someone fails an important job, they are banished to work at one of these two places)

-Johnny is the shortest person on his team, so he’ll often just step on their feet when they upset him

-Darrel is an avid people watcher

-Johnny actually looked up to many of the agents, and will excitedly tell people whenever he gets in a fight with one of them (even if he completely beats their ass he's still a total fanboy)

-Dallas has a really good memory, and can easily recall every fight he’s ever been in

If you have any other things you want me to write into the story, but them into the comments :D

[sentientcave]

It's wip wednesday once again. Have a little more Rugby! Just a short segment bc I'm actually getting close to finishing it and posting the whole thing. Sorry it's mostly dialogue a lot of the other stuff gets added in the editing stages lmao

We join Ripper at his office job... (Your welcome to anyone who thinks Ripper would look hot in a suit. Because he absolutely would)

You're eyeing the clock as it crawls just past 4:15, when someone knocks on your office door. "Come in," you call, reopening exel on your computer so it at least looks like you're doing something productive.

"Hey, pally," Brandon says cheerfully, throwing your door open and sitting in the chair in front of your desk. "How's things?"

A social visit? Brandon is the boss's nephew, and a right idiot. You steer clear, generally, and he's mostly left you alone thus far. "Uh. Fine. Headed out soon."

"Rugby on Friday," he says.

You frown at him. Why would he know that? "Uh. Yeah?"

His grin widens. "Your team's playin' mine. Think you've got a chance?"

You think of Simon and Johnny, and the way they can plow through the opposing team. You didn't even know Brandon played. "Uh. Yeah. Figure we do."

"Care to make it interesting?"

A bet? Is that what he interrupted your day for? "Guess I'd put a tenner on it."

He shakes his head, like you’re being ridiculous. "That wouldn't be very interesting, would it?"

He's angling for something, but it's hard to tell what, exactly. "You have stakes in mind?"

"I do. Figure if my team wins, you'll let me take you out for dinner. If yours does, we can, I dunno, switch offices? Two windows in mine. Your little houseplants might like that." He wiggles his fingers at the plants you have hanging in and sitting in front of the window (Spiderplant Georg, Pontius Pilea, and Monstera Mash. Not that you had ever told anyone in the office that you’d named them).

"Dinner?" You ask. "With you?" It's an insane notion. You barely speak to him. You don't want to speak to him.

"Course with me." He grins at you again, propping his feet up on your desk, leaning back in his chair.

You blink at him. "You're kidding."

"What, you don't think I haven't noticed the way you fill out that suit? You're a little unit, Ripley. Wouldn't mind seeing you outside the office now and again."

"I've got a boyfriend," you say automatically. "It wouldn't be anything more than just dinner."

"We'll see."

You hate him for the way he smiles at you, like he doesn't believe you for a second. You're going to have to ask yet another favour, and see if Johnny or Simon will pretend to be your boyfriend. "Well, I'll take the bet. Wouldn't mind two windows."

He sets his feet down and sticks his hand across the desk. "Can't wait to take you out. We'll have fun."

You stand up to shake his hand, glancing at the clock again. Time to go, thank fucking god. “You’re gonna lose, you know. And even if you don’t, there’s no way Simon won’t sit across the restaurant and glare at you the whole time we have dinner.” Internally, you kick yourself for saying Simon. Johnny’s the more obvious choice, and easier to approach for a favour like that too.

[bulgasari-seo]

don't get mad, a wayv oneshot (3k)

perfectly normal kun spends a perfectly normal day at his perfectly normal job, only to discover his best friends are Not perfectly normal.

{{ ao3: link }}

been hanging out in the weishen district of ncity today. enjoy the results :D

"Kun-ge, I have a question for you." 

Kun looks up from his lunch: a perfectly normal caesar salad, two perfectly normal mandarins, and a perfectly normal cup of iced green tea. Across from him sits V Entertainment’s newest hire, a young intern named Chenle who just started in his department. 

He puts his fork down and leans back, watching Chenle with curiosity. "Sure, what is it?" 

Chenle looks around, then leans in close, hand covering his mouth and voice low. "About Ten.. He's kind of, well.. Weird, isn't he?" 

Kun squints, clearly judging. "We work in marketing, Chenle. Sooner or later you'll find out that Everyone is kind of weird." 

"Really? You don't seem weird at all. Not in the way he is. Have you seen the way he adjusts his hair? Why does he use the back of his hand? It reminds me of my friend's cats." 

"I've known him since high school, and he's always done that, Chenle." 

Chenle shakes his head. "You don't get it. Have you ever heard the urban legends that some people aren't well.. People?"  

"Are you suggesting that Ten is an alien? I get that we all have our own quirks, but really.. I think you've been reading too much sci-fi lately."  

Chenle stands up from the table in their break room, throwing his hands up in frustration. "You've been in the corporate world too long, Kun-ge. Sooner or later, you'll see what I'm talking about. I guarantee it." 

Kun watches the intern leave, and sighs, finishing his lunch. The rest of the day sweeps him up in the usual fast pace of the Marketing department, and before he knows it, it’s 5:00. It’s Friday, and everyone has already left the office, eager to start their weekend. Kun stretches and packs his things, slinging his backpack over one shoulder and strolling over to Ten’s office.  

Ten's office is a mess. Papers are strewn across his desk, some threatening to spill over to the floor. The two chairs in front of his desk are piled high with samples from various printing companies, eager to earn the business of Neo City’s largest music distributor. They’ve all been ignored, of course; it took someone special to earn the attention of the marketing director. 

Speaking of which, said director is currently stuck in a Zoom meeting (who schedules a Zoom meeting on a Friday?), fidgeting with a ball of yarn. Kun raises an eyebrow, leaning in the doorway and crossing his arms. It’s another minute of chatter before Ten notices he’s there, and he startles, the ball of yarn flying out of his hands. 

“It’s been great, Johnny, but I gotta get out of here, the weekend’s calling. You have a great rest of your day, okay?” Ten waves goodbye and ends the meeting, and his entire demeanor changes from corporate mumbo-jumbo to the best friend he knows and loves. He stands up from his chair, stretching and letting out a deep sigh of relief.  

Kun rolls his eyes, leaning forward and picking up the ball of yarn. Chenle’s words echo in his mind, and he tosses the ball in Ten’s direction. If he truly had cat-like reflexes, he’d dodge the ball and jump ten feet in the air.  

He smirks at the thought of Ten jumping ten feet in the air. Too funny. 

The ball hits him square in the chest, and he startles. “What the hell was that for, Kun?!”  

“You’re taking too long. We have to meet up with everyone in,” he checks his watch, “20 minutes.”  

“Good thing it’s just down the street, then. Did you get all your projects sorted out?” 

“Of course I did, who do you think I am?” Kun turns and waves, heading towards the elevator. 

“Hey! Wait for me!”  

It’s a short walk from the V Entertainment building, filled with their usual after-work debrief. Yes, there’s enough in the budget, no, the clients haven’t sent over their edits yet, okay, we’ll circle back next week. They stop in front of Lonely Chef Xiao’s hotpot restaurant, and a bell at the front door signals their arrival. 

“Wow, no customers today, Xiaojun? Kinda weird, don’t you think?” Ten calls out. The restaurant is empty, its usual hustle and bustle replaced by only the sound of the running fountain at the entrance. 

Xiaojun pokes his head out from the kitchen, eyes brightening as soon as he spots Kun and Ten. “You made it! You’re actually early, believe it or not.” 

“What? We’re early?” Ten looks at Kun accusingly. “So I could have finished my meeting?!” 

“You could’ve, but what, you’d rather spend time with Johnny from the Korean branch instead of your best friends?” Kun folds his arms and stares back, refusing to back down. Ten points at him and hisses, dropping his work bag in a booth and sauntering off to the kitchen. 

Kun snickers, dropping his own bag in the same booth and following. He pulls his phone out, attempting to start a video call and grimacing when he sees his double chin in the angle. The dial tone sounds for a few seconds, and then Winwin’s face pops up. 

“Kun-ge! How are you?!” Winwin’s voice is bright, a brief respite from the monotony of the corporate lifestyle. Kun smiles widely and flips the camera, pointing at Xiaojun and Ten. 

Xiaojun is focused on prepping a meal for them, looking up briefly to wave at the camera. Ten bounces up and down in delight. “Winwin, my beloved! It’s so good to see you! We’re doing great, how’s your shoot going?!” 

“We’re filming the final scenes this week and next week. If everything goes well, I should be able to come home soon!” 

Winwin flips his own camera, showing off the various filming equipment at the location for his next movie. “I think this one’s gonna be a really good story. You guys have to come to the premier, okay?” 

Kun flips the camera again and steps out of the kitchen, Ten following and peeking over his shoulder. “Of course we will. I’ll clear out Ten’s schedule, he has no say in it.” 

“No need for that, I’ll do it myself!” Ten laughs. “Don’t forget Winnie, we’re always cheering you on. Call on us if you ever need a pick-me-up, okay?” 

“You guys are first on my list.” Winwin looks off-camera and says something. “Okay, I have to go. Enjoy your meal!”  

They say their goodbyes, and Kun steps back into the kitchen, washing his hands and watching Xiaojun cook. “What’s on the menu today, Master Chef Xiao?” 

“Just got in a new shipment of soondae, so some of that alongside our usual hotpot choices. And Hendery’s usual vegetarian options, too, so if you’re not feeling meaty, there’s more than enough for everyone.” Xiaojun replies, setting his knife down and pushing his sleeves up. “Has Yangyang come down yet? He said he was taking a nap.” 

“He hasn’t, but I’m sure he’ll be down soon. Anything ready for the table?” 

Xiaojun offers a fanged smile and picks up the knife again, pointing to the dishes on the other side of the counter. Kun avoids the knife and nods, picking up the dishes and bringing them out to their table. 

Ten and Yangyang are already seated, chatting idly with each other. Yangyang brightens upon seeing Kun, standing up and rushing to hug him. 

“Woah, hold on! Let me put these down, please!” Kun dodges the hug, setting the dishes down and spreading his arms wide. Yangyang tackles him, threatening to tip both of them over. “What’s going on?! You’re never this excited to see me!” 

“I’ve had a really rough week, that’s all. This semester is kicking my ass, and a hug from my favorite gege always makes me feel better.” Yangyang buries his face in Kun’s chest, and he laughs, patting the college student’s head. 

“You can make it through this, I know you can.” Kun reassures him. “And once you’re done, you can intern with me and Ten at V Entertainment.” 

“What, really?!” 

“Of course!” Ten claps. “Why wouldn’t we? You’d be a great asset for our team. There’s a lot for you to learn from our department.”  

“Out of the way, hotpot coming through!” Xiaojun shoves his way in between Kun and Yangyang, pushing a cart full of fresh foods. Everyone takes a seat, mouths watering as they watch Xiaojun set up their broths, laying the various ingredients along the table with precision.  

“I’ve outdone myself this time, for sure.” Satisfied with the spread, he takes a step back, taking a swig from his bottle and wiping a red liquid from his mouth with pride. “I hope you all love it.” 

“How could I not love something made by the best chef in all of Neo City?” 

All four heads turn to the entrance of the restaurant, immediately recognizing the voice. A glimmer of a gold medal rests on his chest, and Hendery steps forward, a big goofy grin dancing on his lips. 

“Our Olympic Gold Medalist has returned!!” Yangyang bolts over, tackling him with a hug. Hendery laughs, catching him mid-air and swinging him around. 

“Welcome home Hendery! How was the flight?” Kun asks, greeting him warmly and pulling out a chair.  

“More important than that, how was Paris?!” Ten marvels. “I haven’t been in so long. Kun, we should go soon.” 

Hendery takes turns hugging everyone around the table, then sits next to Kun. “It was magical, just like everyone says. The food was good, but even so, I missed JunJun’s cooking dearly.” 

Xiaojun smiles to himself, dumping ingredients into the hotpot and waiting for them to cook. “Flattery will get you nowhere, you know.” 

“It’s okay, I have nowhere else to go.” Hendery laughs, taking a carrot from one of the plates and chomping on it. “More importantly, thank you for putting this together. I missed all of you more than you’d ever imagine.” 

“I don’t have to imagine! At least Kun and Ten get to see each other every day. I have to sit in classes all day, by myself. It sucks!” Yangyang pouts, and Ten chuckles, patting him on the head. 

The five descend into a lively conversation over their hotpot, sharing stories of the fun things that have happened in their lives. Kun stays quiet, reminiscing on the last ten years of their friendship. 

Once he, Ten, and Winwin graduated high school, they ended up dorming together at UNCT. Winwin’s acting career took off in their junior year, and he was able to move out. Who would’ve known that they’d become such close friends with their next-door neighbors, Xiaojun and Hendery? The four ended up informally adopting Yangyang, who became a regular at Xiaojun’s restaurant from the opening day. Through the ups and downs of the last decade, they had stuck together, and there was no sign of it stopping. 

The conversation reaches a natural lull as everyone focuses on their food, and Chenle’s words echo in Kun’s mind once again.  He peers at his friends, watching their mannerisms.  

Sure, it was kind of weird how he only really saw Xiaojun at night, but as they became working adults, there really was no time to meet but at night. And sure, it was kind of weird how his favorite food was soondae, and his favorite drink was Bloody Mary’s, and how he had fangs, but.. Yangyang has fangs, too. 

Hendery seemed like a pretty normal guy too, even if it was a little unnatural just how good he is at archery. It was admirable just how much strength he had for a guy who ate exclusively raw vegetables, but Kun was far from athletic, so he’d never be able to understand the lifestyle. Yangyang was also athletic, and occasionally went on vegetarian diets, so who was he to judge? 

And then there was the matter of Ten, his best friend above all. He worked hard, but he also rested very, very hard. On most weekends, Kun wouldn’t see Ten until late in the afternoon, and he could often hear him awake late at night, either chatting away with Yangyang, or, well, working.  

Kun also found it a little odd that the only type of cooking Ten would ever join in on was when he baked bread; he seemed to really enjoy kneading the dough for some reason. Yangyang would often come over on those days, and it would get to the point where he’d have to kick both of them out for over-kneading his dough.  

So yes, in conclusion, all of his friends were a little weird, but surely it wasn’t in a supernatural way, right? Maybe he should call Winwin later and get his thoughts on the matter. Then again, Winwin had been away filming this movie for well over six months at this point, so he wouldn’t have the best memory of their behaviors. 

“Kun-ge, is everything okay? You’ve been quiet for a while now.” Hendery waves a hand in his face, tilting his head in concern. Kun blinks a few times, refocusing. 

Four pairs of eyes stare at him curiously, and he waves them off. “It’s nothing. One of the interns told me something earlier today, and it’s been floating around in my head. That’s all.” 

“Really? What did they say?” 

“Some urban legend about people not being people, that’s all. I didn’t look into it.” Kun shrugs, scooping some vegetables out of the broth and into his bowl. “I told him everyone’s a little weird, and it’s normal.” 

Xiaojun stiffens, swapping his usual bottle for a cup of water. He laughs nervously. “Yeah, that’s right. Being weird is just a human thing, isn’t it?” 

“It is.” Ten hums in agreement, checking his phone. “Oh my god. When did it get so late? I have to get home!”  

“Why, because it’s the full moon? What, are you a werewolf?” Kun snorts. 

“Obviously not, dummy!” Ten hisses at him, and turns to Xiaojun. “It might be too late, can I spend the night?” 

“Of course, our guest room’s always open for you. Although, Yangyang might have left the bed a mess. He tends to do that when he naps.” 

“Uhh, yeah. Sorry about that!” Yangyang laughs nervously, scratching the back of his neck. 

Ten stands, wishing everyone a good night and turning to leave. Kun raises an eyebrow, also standing and grabbing his arm. “Hold on. Why are you acting weird? Are you sick?” 

“Kun, really, it’s fine. Go help Xiaojun with the dishes, I’m fine.” Ten’s eyes dart to the clock on the wall, dangerously close to midnight. 

Xiaojun and Hendery don’t say a word, standing to clean the dishes from the table. Yangyang watches nervously as Kun’s patience thins. 

“No, something is clearly not fine. Just tell me. Why are you acting like this?” Kun gestures to all of them. “Why are all of you suddenly acting like this? Are you hiding something from me?” 

“Kun, please. Let go of me.”��

“We’ve been friends for nearly a decade at this point. I thought there were no secrets between us? You’ve literally seen me naked, Ten. We’ve all seen each other naked.” 

“Why are you bringing that up now?! That’s so weird! You’re the one being weird!” Yangyang exclaims, pointing.  

Kun shoots him a look. “You mean to tell me him running away isn’t weird?” 

“Kun. Just let go.” Ten’s eyes are desperate, pleading. 

“No, I’m not letting go! Tell me what’s going on, now!” Kun’s angry, switching their positions so he’s blocking the front door.  

The clock strikes midnight, and somewhere in the distance, they hear the bells ringing through Neo City. 

“Well, shit. It’s too late now.”  

A large cloud of dust erupts, and Kun shuts his eyes, coughing. He feels something jump at him, and when the dust clears, a black cat rests in his arms, curling its tail around his face. 

“What the hell?!” he yells, dropping the cat. Yangyang dives forward and catches him, pointing at Kun in an accusatory manner. 

“How dare you almost drop Ten-ge! What if he got hurt?!” 

“That’s-” Kun points incredulously, “That’s Ten?! What?!” 

The cat – Ten – hisses, swatting at him with an extended paw. Yangyang coos at him, scratching him behind the ears just the way he likes it. 

“He’s not a werewolf, gege,” Yangyang says softly, “but a were-cat.” 

Kun drags his hands across his face. “You expect me to believe..” 

He turns on his heel and slams open the door to the kitchen, shrieking at the sight. Xiaojun’s fangs are deep in Hendery’s wrist, and he has a wild look in his red eyes. Hendery yelps, pulling his arm away from Xiaojun and immediately covering it with a towel.  

“What are you doing!? I have to fix it, hold on!” Xiaojun snaps out of it, his eyes returning to their normal color. He grabs Hendery’s wrist and licks it once, and the bite marks disappear. 

“What the hell is happening in here?!” Kun runs his hands through his hair, exasperated. “Xiaojun, are you a vampire?! Have you been a vampire this whole time?!” 

Xiaojun’s face is bright red from embarrassment. “I, um.. Uh..”  

Kun’s lost his marbles at this point. “Let me guess, Hendery, you’re some sort of supernatural creature too? What are you, a horse? Is that why you eat so many carrots?” 

Hendery scratches his head. “Umm, not exactly.. I’m a centaur.” 

Yangyang bursts into the kitchen, holding Cat-Ten. Kun brings both hands to his face, sighing.  

“What’s next? Is Yangyang a mermaid or something?” 

“What? No, mermaids aren’t real. I’m human.” 

“Oh, for the love of-” Kun sighs. “You mean to tell me you’re the most normal person here out of all of you?” 

Hendery looks to the ground, ashamed. “This is why we didn’t tell you, Kun-ge. We all knew you’d react like this.” 

Kun realizes they’re all deeply hurt by his words, and he pauses. His voice softens. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it in the way that I’m startled by your true selves, but more so that I’m hurt you felt you had to hide it from me.” 

He scoops Cat-Ten out of Yangyang’s arms, scratching his head. “I know I can be a little stern at times, but I’ve never thought there was something bad about being different. I mean, up until today, I had never even considered supernatural creatures to be something that even exists in this world.” 

Cat-Ten purrs, leaning into his touch. Yangyang raises an eyebrow, folding his arms. “You mean to tell me that you’ve known us for this long, and never suspected a thing? Not once? I caught it as soon as I moved across the hall from you guys in my freshman year.” 

“I- Listen, Yangyang-” 

“No, it’s true. He’s always been so focused on his studies, and his work, there was no way he would notice.” Cat-Ten says. Kun startles, looking down when he paws at his face. “I just had to go next door every full moon and spend the night with Xiaojun and Hendery.” 

“Speaking of which, Hendery, where are your.. Y’know... the rest of your legs?” Kun makes a vague gesture with his free hand. 

“Oh, uh.. Magic pants.” Hendery grins. “There’s a store nearby that specializes in enchanted goods. The owner is a faerie, and he takes really good care of us.” 

Kun pauses. “TYONGYA? THE CLOTHING STORE? What the hell, Taeyong was in one of my classes back in college!” 

There’s a moment of silence, and then all of them burst into laughter at the sheer absurdity of the situation. Ten hops out of Kun’s arms, rubbing himself against Xiaojun’s legs.  

“One more thing.” Cat-Ten says. “I should warn you, Winwin’s actually an angel.” 

“Oh, I already knew that.” 

“No, that’s not what I mean. He’s literally an angel. Sent by God Jisung Park himself.” 

“Sent by who?!” 

“Hey, Kun, don’t get mad!”  

[homosexuality-and-morphine]

literally no one asked for this but here's an introduction to the interdimentional mall employees (some may be extremely different from their canon) 

Hot topic employees:

Michael Afton (he/him, trans masc, asexual, demiromantic, polyamorus): this version of Michael grew back his organs and started working at the hot topic and his reasoning was “if I can't just lay down and completely rot away anymore might as well get a job” and now he works at hot topic! After working there and getting into shenanigans he somehow became a god, a vampire, and a living doll (not possessing a giant doll he just is the doll). Favorite songs: I like to sleep by little purr man, any system of a down song. One of the members of the mangle weed trio. Is NOT the same as Mike Schmidt in the fnaf movie. 

Vanessa Shelly (she/her, lesbian, asexual, from the fnaf games): after getting freed from Williams control she needed a new job and saw a new mall that was hiring and decided to apply. She sometimes gets caught up with the mangle weed trios shenanigans but no one in the mall hasn't. Favorite songs: total insecurity, apocalypticism by moon walker. 

Kenshi Takahashi (he/him, aroace): this kenshi is from a different timeline than my main one but he finished what he needed sento for and decided to get a regular job and chose the mall due to it being relatively close to his home and he could walk there. Favorite song: a good song never dies by saint motel. 

Spencers employees:

Mike Schmidt (he/him, gay, asexual, polyamorus): after the insane shit at Freddy's he needed a new job so he found the mall that was hiring and applied ended up getting way more than he asked for and is now also a God plus is a siren (they're like werewolves in which they are forced to have their fish tail on the full moon, he hates it) favorite songs: lonely day by system of a down (Michael rubbed off on him), mitski songs. Member of the mangle weed trio. 

Death swap Elizabeth Afton (she/her, trans fem, aroace): this Elizabeth died and lived the exact same way Michael did but with certain people swapped around and also grew back her organs before deciding on getting a job. She is an angel (specifically an “angelic assistant” which is an angel who works close to a specific god). Favorite songs: same as Michael. 

Alive Evan Afton (he/him, asexual): this version of Evan is from a universe where none of the Aftons died and he just really needed a job and the mall was hiring, Michael does gravitate towards always helping Evan due to the bite of 83. Favorite songs: I've got no time, Afton family. 

Freddy's employees:

Jack Kennedy (he/him, pan, polyamorus): after blackjack found a way to bring jack to where everyone else was he found out about the mall and heard there was a Freddy's there and decided to see if there were possibly any other souls to free bud found out it was fazbear entertainment and not fazbender entertainment. He got turned into a god and werewolf (he absolutely hates the body hair he is forced to have cause it's itchy). Favorite songs: no hands by attica riots, don't threaten me with a good time by p!atd. Member of the mangle weed trio. 

Harry Fitzgerald (he/him, dsaf phone guy): after helping jack burn down that Freddy's location he ran away from Afton robotics and found out about the mall and tried to get a job there, he gravitated toward the Freddy's located there due to already having ties to it. Favorite songs: none really he just listens to whatever is on the mall playlist for the day. 

Syzoth (he/they): from the same timeline as the kenshi that works there he got the job because he was very curious about earthrealmers and ended up really liking to make pizzas. Favorite songs: international love (his Johnny showed him it), whatever is on the mall playlist for the day. 

(All characters that were turned into gods or something don't exactly use their powers or have told anyone about it) 

[meltykarasu]

Final Fantasy VII Remake Advent Calendar — Dec. 2

I think that FFVII Remake's commitment to expanding out the story of Final Fantasy VII starts after the Mako Reactor and showing more of the horrified reactions to the event, but it really picks up once you get back down into the Sector 7 Slums.

The slums are a living, breathing environment, and Chapter 3 is dedicated to showing you that by opening with a quick tour of the area and then filling your plate with a litany of side quests that take place over a day not covered by the original game — a brief span of time between Mako Reactor bombings that simply did not exist originally.

This is mostly further gameplay tutorial — going over the ancillary systems that weren't covered in the opening, primarily shops, resting, and weapons. Actually, let's talk about weapons.

Every weapon has a particular niche. The starting weapon is an all-rounder, and each one after that is tuned to a particular playstyle. But each also comes with their own weapon skill. Only by using that given weapon for a time will your character learn that skill permanently, creating incentive to rotate your weapons as you get them. For instance, the new sword Cloud gets, the Iron Blade, is defense-focused and comes with the powerful Triple Slash skill, which is much better than one or even two slashes.

You can also upgrade your weapons with SP, earned on level up. These are powerful and important to keeping early game weapons relevant — no longer does it become a situation where you may as well give up your Mithril Saber for the brand new Hardedge because one of these has better damage. Instead all weapons can be relevant through upgrades and playstyle.

Okay, back to the actual plot.

Tifa showed Cloud around and there was plenty of romantic tension to go around as they worked on getting Cloud a reputation for mercenary work with the neighborhood watch. Chadley, an intern for Shinra who wants to take it down from the inside, enlisted Cloud to help him develop new Materia (a worthwhile gameplay reward). Johnny, a strange side character from the original game, showed up and was rescued by Cloud and Tifa from Shinra troops before he could blab about his suspicions. Cloud fought and scrapped through the day against increasingly dangerous foes.

He also rescued some cats.

Barret called an AVALANCHE meeting and determined that Cloud would not be part of the next bombing before proving him with the remainder of his pay. While waiting for the meeting to conclude, Cloud became a darts pro and shot up the leaderboard to number 1.

Cloud was approached by hoodlums looking for Barret. Evidently, they were not hired by Shinra, creating the question of who exactly had hired them. Jessie appeared at Cloud's apartment to offer him a Summon materia — and another job that night, leading to the next chapter.

See you tomorrow!

[romegaketh]

4. What detail in the things wanted or needed series are you really proud of? slash tell me something abt the karate teens i MISS THEM

GOD our little BABIES. i love them so much. why is their show so bad. why are our lives so hard.

Man I'm proud of so much in there. It was such a fun world to build and I think we did a great job, collectively, of figuring out how those teens would live their lives, and figure out how to not ruin each others'. I think the thing I'm most proud of is Johnny, because he really sucks so fucking much and is also like, works SO HARD to get better. And does get better! Eat shit, showrunners!

In terms of the babies: they are... such a fun throuple. It is so nice that they simply belong to each other but are complicated in that belonging. I think - and you get a lot of credit here - the dynamic between them is so twisty and doesn't necessarily hew equally! Like Tory and Robby are so prickly, and Miguel is such a sunbeam, and that doesn't make Miguel incapable of being cruel or selfish or shortsighted - and there are ways he weights each ~internal relationship differently, too. Like he wants to protect Robby and he thinks Tory is capable of protecting herself, and sometimes he overrides his own sense of justice and sometimes he overrides what his partner/s want! Ugh I love that little earnest man. I love all of them.

Thinking about Robby and Tory learning to WRESTLE thinking about Miguel bringing Robby's little rat dog to their horrible indy shows. Thinking about Tory having a bunch of specific to being a girl in wrestling breakdowns that they CANNOT understand and just being furious and spiky and miserable about their failure to understand - from Carmen's couch, maybe - while Robby throws up his hands at Miguel and tamps down the desire to do something stupid and self-destructive, because he did that when they were 17 and now it is everyone else's turn. Miguel on the outside of this thing Robby and Tory love - and Robby and Tory on the outside of college, where Miguel is becoming someone they're scared they're going to lose! (Also, Johnny Lawrence in the background watching Sam LaRusso get a job working for Terry Silver and just like ... not handling it well.)

I love them. I want them to be so happy forever. I want them to be so complicated and It for each other! Wah. Love them, love you. Wish the show was better but at least Robby and Tory are kissing on it hahaha.

[dawnwritesstuff]

Hello everyone and welcome to the 407th episode of The Universe's Most Ridiculously Overfunded Game Show! I'm your host, Jeffery Judgeson, which means my job is to tell you what's about to happen so you can decide whether the best course of action is to turn off your radio, run away screaming, or just sit down and finally get around to writing your will!

We have a great lineup today, but why don't we start off with somewhere between seven and twelve minutes of people squeezing wet sponges, interrupted occasionally by earsplitting screams?

-spluuuurchh- -squishh- -spshh- AIEEEEEEE -splcch-

…

Well! Wasn't that just amazing? And now, meet our contestants!

This is Amelia Cragnorx, goblin general in the war between the Milky Way and Andromeda galaxies! We're not entirely sure which side she's on, but we do know it was very hard to capture her! (-muffled screaming- LET ME OUT OF HERE!!) We lost several interns and a few managers kidnapping her ship from the front lines. She should make a great contender in today's competition!

Next, we have a being whose name I can't pronounce without making all my listener's ears turn into spaghetti-like strands of gory flesh! We don't know what powers it possesses, but we found it in a previously crowded break room with no trace of any of anyone else!

Then… We have… Intern Johnny. I- I don't know why he signed up for this. But I guess he was allowed in. Well, either he has a lot… a LOT of tricks up his sleeve, or he's just looking to escape our hundred-year work contract! -whispers- It won't work, Johnny. You'll still work for us. We own your soul.

(normal voice) Anyway! Without further ado, let's get to the contest!

Today we'll have a standard gladiatorial free-for-all in our new arena. We'll spice it up by releasing various vicious animals to attack our contestants, and then halfway through, we'll pick 127 of our listeners at random, infuse them with fighting instincts and a taste for blood, and release them in the arena! Whichever of our three contestants, if any, survive, will win ten billion US dollars! Sure, it's an outdated and worthless currency, but there are ten billion of them!

Stay tuned for the bloodshed after this quick break!

You. Yes, you. You are mortal. One day your feeble flesh sack will decay, your nutrients will feed other beings, and eventually you will be forgotten. Does the thought of becoming nothing, losing what slight grasp you have on your reality, fill your heart with cold dread? Does the knowledge that your days are numbered make you think twice about your life decisions? Do you hate waking up knowing that today could be the day you finally perish? Does the inherent meaninglessness of your life leave you in a state of depression? Well, that's too bad. We don't have any fix for all that. Sorry. You're going to die and there's nothing anyone can do about it. What we can do, for the remaining years of your worthless life, is make you smell just a little better with Dr. Tnarodoed's multispecies antiperspirant. Because while life is ultimately meaningless, you might as well make yourself smell good while you're still here.

Hello again, listeners, and welcome back to episode 407 of the Universe's Most Ridiculously Overfunded Game Show! The battle is about to begin, so if you want to leave so you won't get sucked in halfway through to die in a bloody mess of our listeners and contestants… It's already too late! You're in the hands of pure luck now!

And now, as the countdown begins, let's all get ready for the show of a lifetime! -whisper- Or several. So. Many. Lifetimes. We've lost count of how many lives have ended for this one.

(normal voice) Aaaand the contestants are teleported into the center of the arena! They all look a bit befuddled, but General Cragnorx quickly moves to impale Johnny with her knife-like hand- Oh! And he dodges just in the nick of time! Whether that was just a stroke of luck, or he has hidden skills hiding behind his aptitude for misfiling papers, we'll soon see.

Hmm, the contestants have apparently decided to be peaceful for the time being. Well. That won't do. We'll start pumping the arena with anger-inducing gasses to make this more interesting.

In the meantime, weapons are appearing throughout the battlefield, ripe for the taking. Swords, clubs, knives, laser guns, and so on.

General Cragnorx grabs probably the most powerful weapon in the arena, a new blaster model whose name I'm not allowed to mention, seeing as it hasn't been released yet and we stole it from the company. The being with the unpronounceable name is gliding around, absorbing whatever weapons it passes over into its void-like mass. Oh! Johnny's grabbing a weapon. Let's see… It's… A knife. A basic, unenhanced, nonmagical knife. A bit disappointing.

We'll be right back after this quick ad break, because even though we get ridiculous sums of money to pay for this show from an unknown source, we're still supposed to run ads for some reason.

Why? Why did you do that? That thing you just did! You've doomed us all! The world will end any second now and it's entirely your fault! … Okay. Not yet… Aaaany second now. … Oh come on! Never mind then. I guess you're off the hook for now. You're lucky. Do you have any idea how lucky you are? You're very lucky. You should pay us back for that luck. I mean, the universe gave you all that luck and you haven't even given anything back? Cmon, where's your respect? You should give us money. What? Sure, we aren't the universe and we didn't bestow your luck upon you, what does that have to do with anything? You're lucky. You should pay us.

Hellllo, listeners, this is episode 407 of the Universe's Most Ridiculously Overfunded Game Show! Our contestants are currently locked in an intense hand-to-many-hands match for a really big sword with a cute little ducky pattern on it! The being whose name I'm really tempted to say but my supervisors have told me again and again that they'd fire me if I did? It's pummeling General Cragnorx from every side! We can't even see her from outside, so the only reason we know she's still alive is because she listened to our show once several years ago, and therefore now has several microscopic cameras planted on her! But she's holding her own, even against -bleeeeeep-'s many-directional assault!

Whoops! Wonder how many of your planets' radio systems managed to censor that in time, and how many of your ears have now become pasta!

Anyways! While those two are distracted, Johnny's sneaking past them, unnoticed, toward the sword… He's almost there… He's got it!

Woah. I didn't expect Johnny to be able to lift something that huge! Johnny's really been holding out on us! I could have used that strength when I was moving my new desk into my office!

Ooooh, Johnny slices through the nameless thing, cutting off its assault both figuratively and literally! General Cragnorx escapes and runs toward Johnny, releasing a searing pulse of energy from her new blaster directly at him- Ohhh! And he deflects it without breaking a sweat! I'm beginning to think I underestimated little Johnny!

Ahh, the unnameable being is reforming. Looks like all three of our contestants are still up and running… But how will they fare against the most horrifying creatures we could find after scouring the ends of the universe? Find out after this third entirely unnecessary advertisement that's only here because it was written in the ancient texts from the beginning of this station that we must always have a specific amount of ads per episode!

HahahahahahaHAHAHA Heh Nyehehehehehehe Oohoohoohoohooo BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHH Ha Ehe MwahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHA Teehee HAHAHAHAHA- -COUGH--COUGH- Chehhhhmhh Ahem Try laughter. Some people say it's the best medicine. We're not sure we agree, but it's worth a try, right?

Hello again, listeners, and welcome back to the show whose name I've already said thrice! I'm not gonna say it again, because if you haven't heard me say it yet, you've already been locked out of the broadcast!

And now, we return to our contestants, as we release hundreds upon hundreds of the most dangerous creatures known to sentient beings…

Thousands of rabbits from planet Earth!

Yep, we captured a couple of them as the planet was being evacuated, and we now run an inhumane rabbit breeding facility that breaks more laws than the average parasite fleet! I'd say it's a wonder it's still running, but we're rich beyond reason and can get away with just about anything!

But now, back to the contest. As shown in one of the few motion pictures recovered from the wreckage of Earth, these little creatures are some of the most dangerous in the universe. Let's see how our contestants manage against them!

Ooohh, the unnamable being is back at it, absorbing bunnies into its dark mass. It seems to be growing ever larger with everything it eats…

But wait! The rabbits don't appear to be showing any aggression! They come up to Johnny… And he pets them! This is quite unexpected. Hmmm… Maybe getting all our information about these things from a single DVD of a comedic motion picture wasn't the best plan.

General Cragnorx has picked up one of the little guys and she's touching its nose to hers. It's kinda cute actuall- WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT PRETENDS TO BE HOLY?!?

She just- put its head in her mouth and- bit it off! Erm. That was disturbing. Um. I'm gonna need a minute. Here's an ad break. Eugghh…

Do you need something to listen to? Something to fill the silence of a long commute? Something to put you to sleep, or pump you up before a big event? Try music. We recently discovered the concept, and we just think it's really cool. It's all like… Musical! It has… Sounds! That are usually pleasant! Sometimes it even has people saying things, but like… With the music! It's really cool! We don't have any specific music to recommend, but you should try things like: Elevator music! Get on an elevator and stay on that thing for several hours, letting its meaningless tunes pound themselves into your head! Phone line wait music! Buy about one hundred phones, then call the same corporation with all of them at the same time! If you're lucky, they'll have some annoying and repetitive tune for you to insert into your ears! Music blasted out of a speaker on some guy's backpack! Just walk around till you find someone who's playing music with no respect for anyone else's ears, then follow his path exactly, about one block behind him! Just remember to scram when you see him calling the police! There are plenty more ways to listen to music, we're sure, but we haven't discovered them yet! If you find any other way to listen go music, please contact us! We'd really like to know more about this interesting new concept!

And here we are, back to our competition, where General Cragnorx has decided to murder an innocent rodent! Quite an interesting development there! I wonder how the others will react to that!

The unnameable being looks undisturbed, but Intern Johnny looks positively revolted! General Cragnorx doesn't seem to like the look on his face… Oh! And she dashes at him, claws bared! And- He bats her away with his new ducky-patterned sword! She comes at him again, and- Ohhhh! Our first casualty! General Cragnorx has been stabbed cleanly through the chest! The sword's little ducks are covered in blood as if they've all decided to replace their bathwater with the blood of their victims! Now we're down to just Johnny and -bleeeeep-!

Oops. Well! Who will emerge victorious, once we release a group of our listeners? Find out after yet another ad break!

Hey. You. I have a job for you. I need you to find as many quilts as you can and cut one single corner off each one. Then pile up those little corners all together and burn them with a blowtorch. Do this as soon as you physically can. Do it. Don't ask questions. You're running out of time. Go. Now.

Welcome back, everyone! We've had some interesting developments in today's competition! Now we're down to just two contestants! But now, let's go ahead and grab 127 random listeners and fill their minds with an intense urge to murder our remaining contestants! Are you all ready for death and destruction? Well, too bad! The choice isn't in your hands!

Alrighty, they've started teleporting! I'm not going to announce their names, but you know you're one of them if you just disappeared from your home into a blood-filled arena with more murderous intent than you know what to do with! You lucky ducks get a front-row seat for the bloodshed!

Aaand -bleeeeeep- is- Oooh, sorry about that. I gotta say, though, it is really quite interesting seeing all your ears explode in gory tendrils of flesh in perfect synchronization! Anyways, the being I'm not allowed to name is sweeping through the crowd, consuming many of its attackers! Johnny has started fighting them off as well, slicing through their flesh like butter. Hmm. Probly should have thought of some bigger threats for this one. Anyway! Impressively, our two contestants have nearly wiped out all our unfortunate involuntary recruits!

…

That was fast. Well! Now the only threat remaining to these two is each other! This should be quite interesting!

Oh! The being whose name I'm not allowed to say has begun firing the weapons it absorbed at insanely high speeds, all directly at Johnny! But he's dodging them, staying just out of harm's way! But the unnameable being's assault isn't letting up either. It's started to throw human and rabbit corpses at him as well! The bodies look completely unharmed, but drained so their meager life force can add to the abomination that absorbed them! I love it!

Oh! Its attacks seem to be growing even more intense! Johnny's really struggling to avoid getting hit! Even though he's moving at speeds I thought were impossible, he's barely dodging!

Ohhh, and he gets hit right on the shoulder with a dead rabbit, making him drop his ducky sword! He's still running and dodging, but without that, he can't block the unnameable being's attacks!

He's still alive, but he looks to be slowing down a little! He's taking small cuts occasionally now, and it looks like it won't be too long till something finally takes him out! Without a weapon, he doesn't have much chance anyway! It's a tragedy, really. I was beginning to think he could actually win this thing!

Ohhh! There it is. He's hit with a large chunk of wood, and he's down on the ground. Poor Johnny!

The being has stopped its assault and is moving toward Johnny, ready to absorb him.

Oohhhhh!! Wow!

What an unexpected ending!!

In one lightning-fast movement, Johnny took out the knife he'd been keeping the entire competition and threw it at some point in the unnameable being's form! I have to assume it was a weak spot since its entire form dissolves almost immediately afterward!

Incredible outcome there, listeners! I hope you tune in-

J- Johnny?! What are you doing here?!

C- conveniently timed advertisement!

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[Jeffery Judgeson] But- What?

[Johnny] I already told you. I'm here to take your job. You got fired for, you know, making billions of people lose their ears.

[Jeffrey] But- but how are you here? Aren't you down there in the arena? I see you right now!!

[Johnny] Um… That's a shapeshifter. I thought everyone knew that.

[Jeffery] Um- no?

[Johnny] Huh. Well, it should have been pretty obvious.

[Jeffery] I guess it did seem a little weird…

[Johnny] Yeah, I'd never let myself get hit that easily. Amateur.

[Jeffery] Wh- what?

[Johnny] And that's it for today's episode of the Universe's Most Ridiculously Overfunded Game Show! I hope to see you next time for another great day of exciting competition! Bye!

[handelplayssims]

Winter breaks! For the definition of winter in Oasis Springs which is, mildly chilly. Which also means only three more days in this household! Joaquin is up and awake and feeling extremely confident from conquering his fear! Still just wants to listen to those tunes and once again, that one song Ghosts, the one that’s not on the song list, pops up. Time to vibe just for a bit.

Johnny also woke up at 10am. What he wants to do is to fullfill an aspiration goal. Unfortunately for him, it’s the one where he needs 4 skills in Charisma. High level ones at that. I’ll at least get him a level. Next for Joaquin on his whims is to invite a Sim over. ...I haven’t really had him chat with the third member of Spin Masters, Jeff Knoles so let’s bring him over! But first, I spy a note by our bed...

Ah. Well, let’s do the respectable thing and actually check Valentino’s trailer. Perhaps there is something that is broken down. We find nothing so...alas, this is complaints for complaints sake! Actually internalizing and fixing things? Naaaaaaaaaaah.

Anyway, Jeff Knoles is one of my own sims. One where I took the personality quiz as myself, so he’s basically me! If I were a dude. He’s a celebrity chef who’s a music lover, so he’s in the Spin Masters thanks to a love of Electronica music. Joaquin also asks about his other favorite tunes and it’s the Blues. Cause I also like guitar plucking with him. Anyway, that’s two whims down on Joaquin. Let’s actually get some progress on his aspiration. To write those tunes! Sadly, from what I remember, DJ stand will not count for this. So to the keyboard!

Johnny got his charisma up at least so now to manage his needs! Because man does he need to go to the toilet, have a bite to eat and have some fun. So with the automatic needs pulling him to the computer, I set him to troll the forums, check social media, post an update and then finally, set him to find out the latest and greatest trends on Youtube.

...side note, our roommate found himself locked out of our homes, despite the fact I saw him just inside a moment ago. Eh, must have dropped his key or something. So we got tech reviews, travel, herbalism and sad vlog. ...Johnny is never sad! The best we can do for him is the travel so let’s head off somewhere!

At the Rattlesnake Bar, we set up the drone to record neighborhood footage. I’m going to have to keep an eye on it, because it’ll zip around and who knows where it’ll end up in the end.

Beautiful time for a drone to go out and record footage. Good timing Johnny.

Sure does make the title and name obvious.

Anyway, it’s Guys Night at the bar so hey, let’s invite Joaquin over! As soon as we retrieve our drone. And Valentino as well! Why the heck not? Despite the fact he’s a loner and potentially at work.

Jesus. This is as cramped as I’ve ever seen this bar. It is a place for up-and-coming celebrities to hang out at but yeesh! In terms of socializing, at this point, Johnny’s just vibing to his backyard tunes, because there is a jukebox and he was here first. And my song’s on. I CAN’T HELP IT. I’m a romantic sap, even if country isn’t totally my thing. Anyway, it’s 2AM. Time to head home. Both of the boys are exhausted so they need the sleep.

Neighborhood Watch!

Dwight LeBlanc in the LeBlanc household left his job as a Superstar in the Actor career.

WAIT HE WAS AN ACTOR!? Holy crap Dwight!

Strangerville: The Malloy household recently moved in.

That’s quite a few Strangerville households! If I actually get back to it…

Antoinette Urban in the Urban household has started a job as a Bean Blender in the Barista career.

[misaverawrites]

Well Rested (Victor Vektor x Reader)

summary: After a particularly nasty injury, Vik has to give you surgery. You tell him one of your secrets while under anesthesia.

tags: tiny canon divergence (fight is in Watson, not Pacifica.), anesthetized confession, older man, younger woman, female V, Reader is V/goes by V, fainting.

a/n: not enough Vik stuff on here, sad to see it. happy to improve it.

You'd had very little faith that you would actually win this fight against Razor Hughes. Thankfully, Vik had been there supporting you and had given you a little tip that came to your advantage, causing you an incredible win against the heavyweight in a major fight in Watson.

“Vik! Vik! I-I... I won..!" You run over to Vik as he scoops you into his strong arms, "I know, kid! Good job!" As his arms are wrapped around you, you feel a sharp pain in your stomach. It makes you gasp out loud and Vik pulls away from you quickly.

"Kid... Are you alright? Oh shit... I'm gettin' you to the clinic don't worry." That's all you remember him saying before you passed out, you remember waking up one more time just to fall asleep again quickly due to anesthesia.

You wake up feeling incredibly sore, nauseated, and hazy. It's an awful combination and you feel sick until you see Vik. You were always happy to see Vik. It was something you didn't tell anyone, besides Jackie and obviously, Johnny, but, you'd had a little crush on Viktor since you met him. You knew that he was old enough to be your father, but you looked at it more like a schoolgirl crush on a celebrity than anything else.

Except, he wasn't a celebrity... He was your ripperdoc. You watch, still hazy and anesthetized as he slides over to you on his wheely chair. Pausing the recording of his boxing match to talk to you. "Alright... V?" He moves a strand of hair out of your face and continues talking, "Razor hit you damn hard, caused an internal bleed."

You laughed uncomfortably, causing you a bit of pain in your abdomen and making you shift. "I still... I still kicked his ass good, Vik." Making Vik smile at you, his brown eyes sparkling under the lights of the clinic. You stare at him, hazy, the feeling of his eyes on you makes you feel blushy and anxious.

"Jesus, V. This shit is gross... You wanna just tell 'im?" Johnny chimes at you, annoyed and the sudden intrusion on the moment makes you hiss from within your head, "Please, Johnny, shut up."

"Vik?" You murmur, you're not thinking. This could be a mistake but you won't remember it well enough later. Vik is looking at charts but hums to acknowledge you and you take this moment to take the plunge, Johnny egging your drugged-out haze in the meantime.

"You're like... really pretty, Vik." That's all you can say, making Johnny metaphysically facepalm and consider slapping you around. Vik chuckles but has a mild panic in his eyes. You mean it, obviously, anesthesia does that to people. This wasn't the time, nor the place for you to be telling him all the mushy feelings you had for him. "V... say it." Johnny eggs you more.

"Thank you, V. I have been told once upon a time that I am, 'like... really pretty.' Glad to know I've still got it." Vik tries to play it off as easily as he could. He likes you as much as you like him, but you're young and headstrong, wouldn't want to be stuck with an older guy like him. After that, you slowly descend back into sleep, curling up on the chair and pulling the blanket over you tightly, little giggles and murmurs coming from your sleepy form.

Vik stares at you just for a second. You, at least, find him attractive enough to comment on it. Do you like him too? That is too good to be true and his life doesn't tend to work that way. Night City doesn't tend to work that way. He continues to monitor your vitals and file his files away, keeping an eye on you.

You open your eyes, slowly, they were still sensitive to the light in the clinic. You hear the crack of a bell on a screen and wriggle a bit, your abdomen feels sore but much better than it had when you last remembered. "Vik?" You murmur, nervous and sleepy.

Vik spins around in his chair to face you, a smile on his face. "How ya doin' kid?"

You giggle, causing some abdominal pain, "I thought I told you to not call me kid, Vik, and I'm feeling much better. Not surprising since you're the best ripperdoc in Watson."

You and he have an energy around you, awkward, you're not incredibly sure why. That is until Johnny reminds you of something, "You know you kind of told him about your little crush on him, right? You at least told him he was, 'like... really pretty.'" He teases you.

Oh no... Oh no, no, no. Is there any other way to say what you're feeling other than Oh fucking no?

"Vik?" You squeak out, more nervous than when you were at Konpeki Plaza. "Can I talk to you, please?" Vik sighs and nods, getting eye to eye with you. "I am... really sorry, Vik."

Vik shakes his head, it takes all he can do to be gracious. "It's fine. No big deal anyway." You turn your head in confusion and laugh, "Vik, I'm sorry it came out like that, after an emergency surgery while I was higher than hell but, I still like you. If you maybe felt the same about it?"

Vik smiles a bit, almost... giddy. Which was new altogether. You don't see him that excited often, it was cute. "Yeah, I... I like you too, V." He laughs a little as you sit up carefully, planting a kiss on his cheek and he goes back to watching the boxing match. "Maybe I should win fights more often." You muse out loud to him.

"Maybe you should stop needing emergency surgery though, just a thought." He considers back as you laugh, "It worked so well this time though, Vik." He pulls away from the match for just a moment to kiss you on the cheek before murmuring, "The last time it'll work. Now get some rest, V." To which you decide to comply, sitting in the ripperdoc chair with a blanket covering you as you comfortably lie there. The awkward energy dissipates between the two of you and is replaced with the new energy of comfort.

You remember when you and Jackie had toasting before the job with Dex, "To new beginnings." You had both toasted. Now, in your head, you'd decided that that toast was going to definitely go honored.

To new beginnings.