#joel really deserved his radio show

[azertyrobaz]

Competent Joel is best Joel

[moon-ursidae]

when joel and ellie are surrounded by maria and other people from jackson, and joel starts to have another panic attack, i noticed something during the first time i watched it. when the sound is muffled and the music is droning and builiding up while Joel has another panic attack, it sounds like there's radio feedback. i had to rewind a few times to really hear it, but i think it's there? the sound designers were so so so smart with this. In reality, it's the dog barking. with the way the audio is muffled it almost sounds like a radio. to Joel, it's THAT radio from THAT night. he's been really feeling his failures and is starting to realize and come to terms with how scared he is. so when that dog is approaching ellie, of course he's gonna think about that night. he's horrified that he's about to live his biggest failure again. and he's frozen in that fear. when he hears that radio feedback, he flinches. his eyes get wider. he comes back when he hears ellie laughing. again, ellie is what brings him back. earlier at the cabin, and now with the dog. and jesus fucking christ man. i just want to hug joel miller. this show deserves so many awards jesus fuckin' a.

[teamfreemando1975]

For all those loved and lost - chapter 3 - I think I like when it rains.

Jackson – October 2024

You didn’t see Joel much after that night - when he was gripping onto the pole so hard, he might bend it. He’s probably just settling into his new life at Jackson just like you did 5 years ago.

You continue your patrols and helping around Jackson. Maria is starting to show a little now and people are getting suspicious. You ignore the whispers around Jackson. But no one dares to ask you because they know you won’t tell a soul of any of Tommy’s secrets, especially with his big brother still in the dark about it.

You’re up early this morning around 4:30am, and you decide enough is enough of moping around the house - like you have been doing all night, sleep yet again betraying you. So, you grab your boots and decide to go and see who you are on patrol with this morning.

Town is usually pretty quiet this early in the morning - just the stable hands and the barn keepers are awake at this time.

You wave a quick hello and continue walking.

You decide to go the long route past Tommy’s place and you see the lights are all turned on. You’re a little confused because Tommy usually goes to bed pretty early, and that’s when you spot Joel in the window, shouting coming from the small house.

Oh shit.

It looks like there’s an argument going on.

You stand for a moment, frozen in place, trying to hear what they could possibly be arguing about at 4:30am and suddenly the door flies open and Joel storms out.

“You ignored me for 5 years to build a life in some new place! You get married and get her pregnant and you don’t think to contact me one time on the goddamn radio, Tommy!” Joel shouts in an angry tone.

“What the hell was I supposed to say, Joel? Oh, hey big bro, I know I abandoned you to join the Fireflies, but I’m in this new settlement now, why don’t you pop over for a whiskey and a round of fucking poker?!”

You’re taken aback a little because you’ve never heard Tommy speak in such a frustrated tone. Before, he’s always been soft and gentle when it comes to you or Maria, but it looks like this time Joel has really pissed him off.

“No Tommy! You remember what you said to me that day you left? Huh? I don’t ever want to see your goddamn face again!”

Joel is seething with anger now and you have to really hold yourself back – you can’t get in the middle of the brothers fighting, like rabid dogs in the street.

Tommy sighs and rubs his eyes with his fingers, and you can sense the defeat in him. He doesn’t want to argue with his brother, he just wanted to tell him that he’s finally found a life for himself away from all the shit on the other side of those giant wooden gates that keep this whole town safe.

Finally, Tommy speaks again.

“Joel, you know goddamn well enough that I can’t just announce over a radio channel what we have here! Raiders would be here within days and then we’d all be fucked. The people in this town are not fighters, apart from me and JJ!”

“You mean your guard dog?”

Um…what?!

Oh, so now he’s turned on insulting you and you see red; you storm over to where the boys are arguing and push him out of Tommy’s face.

Tommy’s face is a look of surprise, as he didn’t even see you stood there for God knows how long.

You get in Joel’s face and begin to shout and push him out of Tommy’s front lawn.

“No! You know what, you are not doing this, Joel!” you scream, “you are not coming for Tommy when you spent 5 years avoiding the man! You know what we did in those 5 years, huh?! We hunted and we killed for a cause that doesn’t mean shit! You do not get to storm into our town, which we have built from nothing, and demand shit from the brother you do not deserve! Who do you think you are?”

Joel stiffens his jaw and looks past you to Tommy as if to say if you don’t tell her to calm down, I will put her down.

Joel says nothing so you continue.

“And you know what, Joel, Tommy has spent the last five years doing nothing but defend you and speaks so highly of you to me and Maria! I will not allow you to come into this town and ruin his life just like you did after the end of the fucking world!”

Joel looks at you with a seething look in his eyes - you’ve pissed him off big time now and he’s ready for a fight.

“You don’t know shit about our situation! I did what I had to do to survive and keep my brother safe! You don’t even know us, you’re just a silly girl he picked up on the road to the Fireflies!” he spits.

And that was it.

Something inside you snapped and you stomped up to him and punched him in the face.

The sharp sound of your fist making contact with Joel’s face echoes in your ears.

Your knuckles begin to burn with pain.

You regretted it instantly, and then you felt Tommy’s arms go around your waist and hold you back. He tells Joel to just leave and he does - he storms away with a furious look on his face. If you were in a cartoon, you swear you’d see smoke coming out of his ears.

Tommy turns you around to face him and he’s angry now - angrier than you’ve ever seen him.

So, you decide to speak first.

“Look I’m sorry I punched your brother in the face, but he deserved it!”

You’re not actually sorry for punching Joel in the face; he definitely deserved it, after the venom that just came from his mouth.  Words laced with pure spite, because Joel knows exactly how to damage his brother and make that damage permanent.

“He might have deserved it, JJ, but I don’t need you constantly defending my honour! I had it under control, we’re not in the Fireflies anymore. I don’t need you as backup. I can defend myself.” Tommy sighs.

“Certainly, didn’t look like it from where I was stood…” you said, a little spitefully.

“Why were you even stood there anyway? It’s 5am,” he shakes his head, “You know what it doesn’t matter why you were stood there, just… go home.”

“Are you kidding me right now, Tommy?” you say through a scoff.

“JJ,” he says with a warning “Go home! I’m tired and if you don’t mind, I’d like to go and spend time with my wife!”

You spin on your heels and storm off back to your home.

What an asshole!

You just defended him from his asshole brother, and you can’t even get a simple thank you? Was it really that hard? Was he really that proud after all the years of knowing each other that he can’t even give you a simple thank you for protecting him when he needed it?

You’re so angry and a little hurt, and you continue storming to your front door when you stop just in front of your house, and notice Joel slowly walking to a house just down the street from yours, number 303? you think anyway.

You decide to ignore it and head inside.

You enter your home and quickly go off to your bathroom and wash the blood off your knuckles.

You didn’t even notice you were bleeding until there was a hot rush of pain shooting across your knuckles, and you wince slightly from the cold water. It’s extra cold at the minute because it’s winter, so the water is like icicles stabbing you repeatedly in your already painful hand.

You settle back into the living room sitting on the couch, what the hell did you just do? Did you seriously just punch your best friend’s brother?

Shit… what have I done?

Regret starts to sink in, and you realise quickly that you have made a mistake and all you can think is how disappointed Tommy must be in you. But you were protecting your friend? Protecting him from his asshole brother who was insulting him for making a life for himself; insulting him for creating a new life; insulting him for marrying someone and finally settling down with Maria and building a community, where people who have survived this shitty shell of a world you used to live in.

You sigh and rub your eyes with your fingers and flop onto the hard cushions of your couch, staring at your ceiling and you sigh heavily.

Were you defending Tommy?

You think to yourself, or were you just mad at Joel for being an asshole when you were trying to help?

When you were trying to finally relate to him and get to know your best friend’s big brother?

The questions begin to spiral around and around in your head and there’s no way you can get to sleep now, not when you have patrol in an hour and a half.

You quickly sit up and stand from the couch and get your boots back on and leave your house.

You remember the door number for the house Joel had entered – 303, the house just up the street.

You stand at the gate for a considerable amount of time, still debating with yourself on whether or not you want to do this… do you want to do this? What are you doing?

You sigh again and begin to ascend the steps. You suck in a breath and you knock on the door, regret slowly beginning to rise deep in your chest, making you turn to leave when the door opens and Joel answers.

He spots you and goes to shut the door in your face, but you stop him with a wait.

“Wait! Please! I... um, I just wanted to come here and say I’m sorry for punching you. I shouldn’t have done that and uh yeah, I’m sorry.”

Shit this is awkward.

“You think Tommy needs you to defend him?” he asks raised eyebrows. You’re still trying to pinpoint that accent of his… Texas maybe? But still even with the accent, it doesn’t stop his condescending nature.

“What? No, I don’t think Tommy needs me to defend his battles for him, but he is my friend, and you were out of line.” you say, sticking your chin out in defiance.

“He is a grown ass man; he can defend himself,” he says, with that usual stiffening of his jaw and the will you just go away already look in his eyes.

“Look. I didn’t come here to argue. I just came here to say I’m sorry for punching you,” you say and turn on your heels to leave, not even giving him time to answer, and Joel doesn’t stop you.

So, you leave his porch and quickly walk back to your house.

You quickly enter and walk into the living room, feeling the breath catch in your throat now, it really is settling in now, the panic and you can’t breathe, the room is spinning and you grab onto the door frame to stabilise yourself, trying to remember what Tommy always tells you, in through your nose and out through your mouth, and you begin counting to ten. 1…2…3…

Breaths are getting slower now, your chest feels like it’s opening up and it becomes easier to breathe.

Why the fuck am I having a panic attack over Joel Miller? Maybe it was all the confrontation and the adrenaline from punching him and now the guilt is settling in, yes that’s what it is, the guilt. The guilt of punching him in the face and now you. How on earth are you supposed to show your face in town ever again? Punching the brother of the man who runs this town.

You manage to gain control of your panic - which you’re pretty proud of yourself for, because usually you need either a stiff drink, or Tommy by your side with his hands on your shoulders, telling you not to worry and that everything will be alright.

Tommy was always good during the worst years of your life. He always knew when you were really stressed, by the crinkles on your forehead. You told him the story of how Jake used to tell you that if you kept doing the crinkling of your eyebrows it’ll stay that way.

It made Tommy laugh, which was nice, but you couldn’t help the sadness form in your throat when you think of Jake. Even almost 15 years after his death, you still feel immense guilt and that you are the reason he was bit in the first place, protecting you. You always make the conscious effort to remember Jake - the sweet man who saved your life on countless different occasions, his olive brown skin, his crazy hair that he always said was his mop top. You smile when you think of him but also feel the wave of grief that will never die.

You glance over to the clock and see that it’s almost 6am and you need to head over to the stables for patrol briefings.

You straighten your back and take in a deep breath, ready to wipe away the memories of last night.

You lace up your boots and leave your house.

Walking into the blistering cold of the early morning, you head straight to the mess hall to grab some breakfast ahead of the patrol.

You spot Joel on the other side of the hall and don’t even look at him.

“Hi, Seth, could I possibly get a sandwich to go please?” you smile as you approach the bar.

“That’s not a very hearty breakfast, now, is it, JJ?” and he tilts his chin down at you.

“Ah yes, because we can get a 3-course meal at the end of the world.” you say sarcastically.

“Hey, you never know, I could have a Michelin-star chef back there!” he points towards the kitchen and you chuckle in response.

He heads into the kitchen to grab your sandwich for the morning.

Your eyes are subconsciously drifting in Joel’s direction - he’s eating breakfast alone, you can see the ruby mark on his cheek from where you punched him just 2 hours earlier. You can’t help but notice the long distance look in his eyes that is softening his features, his beautiful brown eyes and menacing stare into the distance. He notices you looking at him now and you quickly turn your head to look away. Shit.

As if on cue, Jessie walks into the bar and you greet him quickly, he gives you a ‘you look exhausted’ look. You scoff and turn back to face the bar.

“Okay, I’ll say it… you look like shit,” he says with a big grin on his face.

��Wow, thanks for all the compliments there! Tell me you have better pick up lines than that?”

He chuckles, “you don’t want to know my pickup lines, JJ, once you know them, I’ll become completely irresistible to you and then you’ll never leave me alone,”

You look at him with a fake look of shock, “I can assure you, Jessie, you’re not my type. Plus, you’re way too young to keep up with an old goat like me,” you whisper the last part just as Seth comes out of the kitchen with your sandwich.

You give him thanks and nudge Jessie’s shoulder to get a move on.

You both exit the mess hall and head over to the briefing room for today’s update on patrols.

You walk over to the notice board and check who you’re on patrol with. As you read down the list, you see that Jessie is patrolling with Eugene today.

You furrow your brows and keep going down the list.

You find your name and look at the name next to it, Joel Miller.

You’re furious and confused.

Why the hell would Tommy approve for you to go on a patrol with the man you punched 2 hours previous?!

Tommy walks into the briefing room and you pull him aside and give him a look of pure, furious rage.

“What the hell were you thinking putting me with Joel?” you say a little meaner than expected.

“I approved that patrol way before you and Joel decided to swing your weight around.”

“Well, can you change it? Please!” you beg.

“No, JJ, you know I can’t. Just grit your teeth and bare it. You never know, you might have a good patrol? He’s a good shot and you’re a good shot, you’ll both have each other’s backs.”

You whisper back to him, “Tommy… please.” you’re pleading with him now, begging him to change this shift.

“JJ, my answer is no. Now, suck it up and do your shift, it’ll be over before you know it.”

He gives you a quick pat on the shoulder and walks to the front of the room to prepare his speech for the morning. He tells the group that you and Joel are taking the creek trails and all you can think is great(!).

You hate the idea of going on patrol with Joel, despise it, but Tommy has already told you no so the answer is no… fuck this is going to be awkward.

The man you literally punched in the face, you are now expected to keep an eye on his six and ensure he doesn’t die, ensure that one more life isn’t added to the long list of names you have already collected. You head over to the stables to grab Shadow and you see Joel grabs his horse.

You can do this, JJ, it’s just one little patrol with Joel. The creek trails are easy, you’ve done this route 1000’s of times with Eugene and Jessie.

You head to the armoury and grab your shotgun, glancing a quick look at Joel, who has a look of brutality on his face, ready for the uncomfortable few hours ahead of you.  

You leave the armoury and mount your horse, give Tommy a nod and begin on your route.

The ride out to the creek trails was silent, Joel not saying a single word to you.

Should I make conversation? Should I talk to him and ask how his face is? Should I ask him what he and Ellie got up to that made her lose the light behind her eyes?

But instead, you opt for a “So… where are you from?” you ask awkwardly.

“Texas.”

You knew it, the Texan accent was so strong in Joel. Tommy, not so much, he had little hints of it, and he also never really spoke about life pre-outbreak.

“And Ellie?” you look at him.

“She was born in a FEDRA school” he says shortly.

“Ah… shit then.”

He huffs at that, and you finally reach the outpost. You tie the horses to a pole and head into the big room.

This outpost was a radio tower pre-outbreak.

You head upstairs to the logbook and head straight for it, without noticing the runner in the room behind you and within seconds, it’s howling screams make all the hairs on the back of your neck stand on edge. Within the blink of an eye, he’s on top of you, trying everything within its power to turn you into one of them.

Your shotgun has been flung across the room during the tackle, completely out of reach and all you can do is scream, “Joel!” and with a blink of your eyes, the runner has a gaping hole in his head and collapses as dead weight on top of you.

You push the runner away and to your surprise, Joel holds his hand out to help you up. You take it, heaving yourself from the ground. He quickly whips his hand back away from you and you whisper your thanks to him in a barely audible tone.

“Watch what you’re doing, next time.”

And he’s back to being an asshole.

“Thanks for pointing out the obvious, Sherlock.” you roll your eyes and sigh.

“Who?” he looks at you confused.

You look at him confused, “Sherlock? Sherlock Holmes?”

He continues his confused look, “the master detective? From England? He solved loads of crimes with his sidekick, John Watson?”

He’s still confused, and he looks baffled.

“I haven’t got a damn clue what you’re going on about.” he says as he continues to look around and check there aren’t any more infected in the room, and you roll your eyes.

“Do you not read books?”

“You think I have time to read books at the end of the world?” he looks at you and you smile.

“I do.”

You both continue to check the outpost and you look around a little confused. He’s checking all the spots that are hidden and you sign the book, letting the next patrol know that you had an infected inside the tower.

“How the hell did that thing get in here?”you say to Joel, and he just shrugs - continuing his search for the opening where he could have got in. They are sneaky, the infected, they will literally crawl through anything and tear their skin off in the process. Joel points to a hole in the floor in the bathroom with drips of blood trailing from the hole, makes sense.

“Do you want me to hop down there and check there aren’t anymo-?” and before you can even finish your sentence, he’s already jumped down the hole to look.

You stand in place waiting for him to call out or hear the gun shots but nothing, radio silence. Joel reappears in the spot, and you kneel and hold your hand out. He takes it and grunts as you help him back up and out of the hole. His face is blushed pink, sweat beading slightly across his hairline. His hand is soft and warm in yours. You can feel his calloused fingers against your palm.

You finish up in the radio tower and head back out to the horses.

You give Joel a quick glance and say, “Thanks. For saving me up there.”  You mumble.

He nods, and you click at your horse to get him to begin his slow trot back. The ride back to Jackson was slow and quiet - no more signs of infected and no word from Joel.

When you arrive at the big wooden gates, they open quickly and Shadow trots inside the gates. You dismount Shadow and hold your hand out for Joel to give you Vegas’ reins, to which he complies and heads off home. You take Shadow and Vegas into the stables, and give them both an apple, and hand them over to the stable hand.

You walk back home but your stomach makes its presence known and screams that it’s hungry, so you walk into the mess hall. You spot Ellie, who is eating alone, which makes you a little bit sad that she hasn’t made any friends yet. You sigh and grab a plate to go and sit with her.

“Hey kid,” she drags her eyes away from her food to look at you and smiles.

“Hey… uh…” you can tell she’s forgotten your name so, to save her the embarrassment, you reiterate your name to her, “right yeah, JJ… sorry it’s been a long morning.”

 You smile at her innocence and take a seat next to her, “Oh yeah? How so?”

“Oh, you know, trying to convince Maria that I can be more use to the town out on patrol rather than working in the shitty greenhouse.” she sighs. You chuckle slightly and smile at her.

“You know, I was exactly the same as you when I first arrived here, desperate to get out on patrol and prove my worth.” Her eyes begin to light up a little, so you decide to let her down gently. “But you have to prove you’re going to be smart out there first, before you can ever even think about heading out on patrol. It’s not just about keeping yourself safe, but also it’s keeping your patrolling partner safe too.”

She sighs and you shoot her a sympathetic smile and she says, “Yeah… I get that, but for weeks of travelling with Joel, I saved his life on more than one occasion, you know, and learnt so much from him. He’s a good teacher, you know.”

“I know,”

I don’t

“But that was out there, and you always had Joel as backup. Things are a little different in here. We have rules for a reason; rules that keep the people inside these walls safe and that then keep you safe on the outside.”

She nods, “How long? How long before I can go out?”

“As soon as you turn 18. Same rules apply for all the kids around here.”

She shoots you a harsh glance.

“I’m not a kid.”

You take a breath and give her a look of are you sure?

“You’re not a kid in your head, but on the outside, you are still only 15.”

She rolls her eyes at you and begins to stand up.

“Anyway, I’ve got to go now, because if you’re back that means Joel is too, and he gets nervous when he can’t see or hear me. Bye, JJ.” she says quickly, clearing her plate away and exits the hall.

You’re a little disappointed she left so soon because you were hoping to get to know her a little more, she seems like an interesting kid. Maybe she has hobbies and stories she could tell you about her life. Maybe she likes to read books, hopefully she does. You don’t know much about her thus far, but she seems like an interesting person that you’d be happy to get to know.

You’re pretty close with most the teenagers around Jackson, You and Jessie patrol frequently and Dina is a sweet girl, who likes to stop by your house at random times of the day to either moan about Jessie or working in the greenhouse with Kyle. Dina frequently expresses how much she hates working in the greenhouse so it’s no surprise that Ellie doesn’t like it either.

You continue eating and clear your plate and leave, heading straight home.

You hop in the shower as quickly as possible to soothe the ache in your knees and back.

You step out and look in the mirror and suddenly notice the ruby claw marks down your neck from the runner earlier on in the day and decide quickly you’re going to be taking a nap.

*              *              *

You’re woken up from your nap to a knock on the door.

You sigh and stand up a little too quick for your head to handle and drag your feet to the door. You open it slightly and peek your eyes through it. It’s Ellie.

“Hey kid?” you mumble, sleep still evident in your voice.

She’s shuffling awkwardly on your porch so you open your door fully, “can I come inside?” she squeaks.

You step aside, “Yeah, yeah of course,” and she walks into your house.

She stands in your living room, noticing how bare it is. It’s not very homely in here - just four walls and a couch. There aren’t any photos or art on the walls; neither are there any trinkets. You’ve found a few on your patrols that you liked but never really chose them to put in your home, because your home isn’t really a home to you. It’s just a place you shower and sleep.

“Are you alright?” you ask.

She shuffles in her place, and you can tell she really doesn’t know why she’s here. You wait for a moment and then say her name seemingly snapping out of her trance.

“Ellie?”

“Hmm? Oh yeah. I’m okay. I just… wanted to ask you a few questions,”

You look at her in confusion and begin to feel uncomfortable, but you press on, “okay… shoot.”

She sits on your couch, so you sit next to her, “Were you ever sold the lie? The lie that they wanted to save the world with a cure?”

Ah… okay we’re going there.

“Uh, yeah, I guess I was,” you sigh, “When I joined the Fireflies, they fed us all this lie that they had doctors working on a miracle cure, which when you’ve lived as long as I have, you become sceptical for a cure because you have heard it many of times over the years,” she nods along with you.

“But I continued on anyway because I was following Tommy and I wanted to remain at his side. I didn’t want to be alone”.

She blinks at you as you speak and then says, “when did you find out? That it was all shit?”

“Uhm, I guess a few months into the crusade. We were bombing QZs, and I was… doing stuff that I regret still to this day, and I realised in the end, that it was in for a cause I didn’t even believe in.”

“So why did you stay?”

You suck in a deep breath, “For Tommy. I couldn’t ruin it for him. He had friends there and he felt like he was finally doing some good in the world and I couldn’t ruin that for him, so I stayed.”

“Did you want too?... stay, I mean?”

“No. If I’m being honest with you and myself, I didn’t…I didn’t want to keep hurting people in the name of a cause I didn’t believe in. It wasn’t fair on them or me, why do you ask?”

 She looks at you now, like she really wants to tell you something, but something is holding her back - something is screaming inside her head not to tell the truth.

“No reason… I just followed a cause I had my heart set on for a long time, like my life finally had a purpose. A purpose that Marlene promised me and then took away within seconds.”

You wince at the name. Marlene. She was the reason you have so much trauma. This nightmare of a life is all because of her - she ruined you mentally and physically in the name of the Fireflies and you let her.  She is the reason you can’t sleep at night. You hear her voice echoing in your mind on repeat: if you don’t get the information I need, I’ll leave you out there for the clickers, so you did as you were told.

“Well, I hate to break it to you, kid, but Marlene? Was a bit of a bitch.” she laughs at that and an idea pops into your head.

“Do you like to read?”

“Uh, comics I do. There’s this one called Savage Starlight and its’ my favourite. My friend I met while out there taught me how to sign the quote from it - endure and survive.”

Ellie proceeds to show you how to sign the phrase and her eyes beam with pride. You tell her how good she was and then show her that you can know ASL too, hello my name is JJ and it’s nice to meet you, Ellie.

She looks at you in awe and you teach her how to sign her name, she catches on pretty quickly and you see a little flame ignite in her mind like she’s finally regaining a small gift of her childhood back.

“Follow me,” you say standing up. You hold your hand out and she takes it.

She follows you up the stairs and you take her into the library of your home, the spare bedroom in fact. She’s surprised by how many books you have and asks how you got so many. You explain that when patrol find new books, they always bring them back for you - whether you’ve read them, or you haven’t. She notices the books are all just stacked in neat piles on the floor.

“Yeah, I need a bookcase for them but unfortunately they aren’t that easy to carry on horseback.”

She chuckles at that.

“Hey, Joel likes to make things out of wood, why don’t you ask him to make you one?” she says in passing. You don’t think she is aware of the events of last night.

“Uh, yeah, maybe one day, kid. If we ever get along.” you say sheepishly.

“I know he’s really hard to get along with at first, trust me I am fully aware of that. But he does warm up to you eventually… he did me anyway.”

“Yeah, maybe one day, kid.” you say and give her a weak smile.

You secretly hope for Tommy’s sake that you and Joel can at least learn to be civil with one another, even if were able to sit in the same room as each other, that would be enough.

You feel like you and Joel made a little progress on your patrol today - he saved your ass, which was a little annoying to you because the one person you never wanted to be in debt to is Joel-fucking-Miller.

You kneel under the desk, ignoring the creaking in your knees and pull a box out which is full of Savage Starlight editions. You found them on patrol over the years and saved them for if you ever felt like re-living your childhood, but you still never had the chance to read them.

“Holy shit! I can’t believe you have all these editions!” she looks at you and grins, the biggest toothy smile you’ve seen dances its way across the young girl’s face.

“They’re yours… if you want them that is.” you smile at her.

“No fucking way, dude, that’s too much! I can’t take these!” she says. You can tell she really wants to take them but doesn’t want to seem rude.

“Trust me, kid, I will never get the chance to read them. Take them and enjoy them please, I insist!” you hand her the box, and she thanks you again, jumping on the spot.

In the few weeks since you met Ellie, you haven’t seen her look so happy, so you feel a small sense of pride that you are the reason for that newly found smile. She very quickly makes her exit from your home, desperate to go home and read the comics you had just given her; you wave her goodbye and close your front door. You cannot help but smile once she’s gone. You just made that kids’ week and that brings a warm feeling in your chest, one that hasn’t been there in a very long time.

You head upstairs and grab your quilt and pillows and set up camp on your couch.

Making sure you have your rifle in reach and your knife under your pillow, you stare at your ceiling for a while but sleep washes over you quickly and you smile to yourself knowing that you’ve probably made that kids’ whole year.

When you open your eyes, you’re in a small room, filled with chairs and the faces of the many men, women, and children you have killed over the years.

You walk through the room, panic burrowing its’ way deep into your chest. As you’re walking through the room, the faces begin to turn towards you - their jaws are no longer attached to their faces. You continue walking through the room until there is a door.

You open the door and step inside.

The room is pitch black and you can’t see a thing, when suddenly, a lamp turns on at the other end of the room. You check your back to see if you have your pack, but you have nothing but the clothes you were wearing to sleep in, nothing to protect yourself, not even a fucking torch. Sucking in a deep breath, you continue to step carefully through this room that never ends.

Your leg bumps into something close to the lamp and you blindly feel around to try and make sense of what is happening. You feel something that resembles two shoulders and arms, but you can’t be sure, it’s so dark in here. You hear an ear-piercing scream, and all the lights suddenly flash on, and it takes you a second to adjust.

Looking down at the thing you were feeling, fear smacks you in the face when you see it’s one of the FEDRA soldiers you tortured and killed for information, Officer 3227.

He speaks now in a low menacing tone, “you did this to me” and all you can whisper is no… please I’m sorry.

“I had a family. Children, I needed to raise, and you took that away from me.”

 “I had no choice… I had to. My mission was information. I was just following orders.”

“My daughter was raped. And killed. By raiders because of you.”

“I’m sorry…. Please I’m so sorry.” You can’t help the flow of hot tears streaming down your face now.

“You killed me… Mockingjay.”

The soldier begins to screech Mockingjay repeatedly and you back away, but hit a wall behind you, so you sink into the wall, placing your hands over your ears and you begin to scream.

Your eyes fly open, and you sit up quickly, still screaming and struggling to regain control of your breath.

Eventually you manage to stop screaming when you realise you’re safe in your own home.

Wiping the sweat from your brow, you swing your legs off the sofa to plant your feet on the hardwood floor. The coldness of the floor sends shivers through your spine. The cool shock of the floor seems to ground you a little more and you wipe the sleep from your eyes.

Looking over at your clock, you see it’s only 2am, so you stand up and walk over to your kitchen to grab a glass of water.

Thud thud thud.

A knock at the door distracts from that task; you sigh heavily and head to your front door.

It’s Tommy.

“Uh, hi, Miller, come in.” you look at him confused and step aside to let him inside your home. He walks in and takes a seat on the couch, and you sit next to him.

 “JJ, are you alright?” he turns to you with his brows knitted together.

“Yeah, yeah I’m good.” Liar.

“JJ, I heard your screaming. That’s why I knocked! Did you have a nightmare again? I thought they stopped when we came here.”

He knows you’re lying, Tommy has always been able to tell when you are lying, he can read you like a book.

“No, Tommy, they never stopped. Who told you they did?” you ask confused.

“No one. I just assumed they did, because you didn’t speak about them anymore.”

“Speaking about them doesn’t make them go away, it just makes them real.” you say, obviously uncomfortable with this conversation.

“JJ… we’ve spoke about this, you can tell me anything, you know that right?”

“Yeah, I know.” you whisper.

“Well… as long as you’re okay,” Tommy begins to shuffle in place, sensing your uncomfortableness.

“I am fine, Tommy. Honestly. Anyway, what are you doing awake?”

“Oh, I just popped over to see how Joel and Ellie were settling in and it turned into an hours long session of Ellie sitting with me and showing me all the comics she’d recently acquired… from you,” he says with a smile on his face.

“Yeah, I had them tucked under my desk, in the spare room and they were collecting dust. Until Ellie popped round earlier and we had a long chat, so I decided to give her a little pick me up.” you say smiling, reliving the memory of her sweet little face when you handed her the comics.

“Ellie popped in?” he asks confused.

“Yeah, we spoke in the mess hall this morning about patrols,”

He chuckles.

“And then a few hours later, she’s knocking at my door, wanting to speak about the Fireflies.”

Tommy stiffens when you mention the Fireflies and you look at him confused.

“What?” you asked confused.

“What did she say about them? The Fireflies?” he asks stiffening his jaw slightly, just like Joel does.

You can see it now - how similar the brothers really are, they both have big brown eyes, long curly brown hair and stiffen their jaws when they nervous or angry. Tommy is a lot softer than Joel, he’s kinder and gentler when he speaks to you. Joel is rough, his face shows that he’s suffered a lot more loss in his life than Tommy has.

You look at him now, really confused as to where he’s going with this conversation.

“She asked me if I knew when I joined that they were a crusade of liars, she asked about Marlene too. If I knew who she was from the beginning or if she sold me a bunch of lies, just as much as they did you and why I stayed so long if I knew they were liars. She was very vague and didn’t want to tell me the real reason why she was asking me all these questions.”

“And what did you tell her?”

Why? What does Tommy know that I don’t? you ask yourself.

“I told her the truth. I stayed for you and that Marlene was a bitch.” He chuckles at you.

“That’s fair,” he laughs, “Right, I better get going, it’s pretty late and Maria’s probably worried about where I���ve got too.” He smacks his knees and begins to stand up. You walk him to the front door, and he steps outside.

“Okay well, goodnight, Tommy.”

He spins to face you, “Hey… you know you can talk to me whenever you want, right?”

“Yeah, I know.” you whisper.

“Goodnight, JJ.”

He nods his head once and leaves your porch, you watch him as he leaves the limp in his right leg from the mission that went wrong a few years back.

*              *              *

You were both scheduled to head out to a checkpoint when you were attacked by raiders on the way, you were both hit pretty bad by a trap mine that was set just ten clicks from where you needed to get too. You remember waking up from being knocked unconscious. You roll over and see Tommy is also out cold, but his leg is bleeding, shit. You crawl over to him as quickly as you can and try to shake him awake, begging him not to die on you.

You look down at your hands and see his blood.

You start to scan Tommy’s body for injury until you get to his leg and see shrapnel, from the vehicle you were in, dug deep into his leg, shit.

“Tommy!” you shake his shoulders, “Tommy, you have got to wake up! Come on, I’m not losing you, not today like this!” your breathing quickens, and you continue to shake him and beg him to wake up.

He sucks in a deep breath and begins to open his eyes. Thank God.

“Hey! You’re okay! We’ve been hit, your legs got some shrapnel in it, but I’m sure it’s nothing the doctors back at camp can’t fix.” He just nods at you, in too much pain to speak.

You manage to get him to sit up slowly, wrapping his arm over your shoulder you hoist him up and begin limping, looking for a place to hide. Scanning the terrain you’re trapped in, you manage to spot an old gas station and you - as quickly as Tommy will let you - haul his ass over there.

You drop your shotgun on the ground and carefully place Tommy behind the cash register.

“Just leave me…” he says through exasperated breaths.

You kneel in front of him and shake your head, “JJ, please. Leave me… I can’t let you die because of me…”

“And I can just let you die because of me?! You listen to me, Miller. We. Are. Getting out of this.” you say, looking around you making sure no one followed.

You’re clear for now.

“JJ, you’re way more important to the Fireflies than me.”

“No Tommy, don’t you dare go there! You’re way too important to me to just leave you here to die, not happening not on my watch. I mean it!” you say in a warning tone.

 He looks at you again defeated; he knows you won’t back down from this.

You hear, from in front of you, just behind the cars, shit.

You need to think of an escape plan and quick.

There are two ways this can go - you can either do it with stealth, or just shoot and hope you don’t run out of bullets before they run out of guys.

You opt for the sneaking option, safer for you and Tommy if you ever want to make it out of this mess.

You tell Tommy the plan and he insist on helping, but you point-blank refuse. In his state, he will just get you killed and then he’s definitely screwed, we’re both going home today.

You slowly sneak out from behind the desk and hide behind a car, counting how many there are in your head. Three guys, average build, so should be pretty easy to take down. They have also decided to split up, which was a dumb move, because now it’s even easier for you to pick them off one by one.

You manage to snake through the cars easily, without a sound. You quickly sneak up behind one the guys and wait for the other one to look away and that is when you pounce, like a leopard in the wild. You drag him down to the ground and plant your knife into his throat. He chokes on his own blood for a few seconds, and you see the life drain out of his eyes. One down two to go.

You use the same method for the other guy; wait for him to look away, pounce, and kill. Silent and as easy as that.

The final guy proved to be a challenge - he must be the leader of the group because he is checking his six and looking around all at the same time. He’s also got a different build to the other two, a little more muscular so he may prove to be a challenge. Eventually you manage to get right behind him but in the last second, the ground betrays you. You hear a crunch of glass under your feet, fuck.

He wastes no time in lunging at you and you both topple to the ground, he drops his knife in the process and so do you.

So, all you have to fight with is your bare fists, great.

He’s a lot heavier than he looks and he bares all his weight down on your chest, you’re fighting with his arms ensuring he cannot get his hands on your throat. Throwing your whole weight into it. In between the fumbling around, he lands a few punches in, but so do you, so the odds are even right now.

You place your arm down on the ground, letting him get a few punches in while you feel around for your knife and that’s when he sees his moment and grabs it by the balls.

With both hands, he grabs your throat and begins to choke you.

All you can do now is use your fists to punch his hands to get them off you, but it does’t work, and he presses on your windpipe harder. You can feel yourself getting weaker as all the spare oxygen you had left is depleting and you begin seeing stars. Your vision is getting dark, and breathing is now completely impossible.

But just before you black out, you hear the familiar sound of a shot gun and the grip on your windpipe loosens. The guy falls to the ground with a thud, and you roll over choking and gasping, trying to grab as much oxygen as you possibly can just in case it runs out again.

You recognise the boots in front of you. Tommy is swaying over you and as you are about to stand up, he falls on his ass.

“Thank you… for saving my ass.” You choke out, voice hoarse, your throat feels like you’ve swallowed glass.

“S’alright, now can we please get back to base before I pass out?” Tommy asks and you chuckle standing up holding out your hand to help him back up from his seated position.

*              *              *

You snap back into the present day and realise you’re still stood on your doorstep.

You close the door and sit back on the couch with a heavy sigh.

That was the first of many times that Tommy had saved your life, or vice versa. Which is what quickly made you realise you worked well together, and you were sent out on missions together from there on in; apart from the information gathering ones. Tommy was not particularly good at the idea of torture, he preferred to feel like he was the hero of the story. You, on the other hand, knew you were the villain whose story never ends well; you figure that’s the reason why you aren’t scared of dying. Not anymore. You haven’t been for a very long time. You haven’t got anything to live for - Jake died years ago, and yes, you have tommy, but he has his own family now. He has something to fight for everyday - he returns home to warm bed and a woman to love him. You, on the other hand, come home to a cold bed and sleep that’s full of nightmares, which get worse during the dark. Which at the moment is constantly.

You can’t help but feel like you live your life in overdrive, running on an empty gas tank. Every day is the same; it’s like you live the same day repeatedly. Wake up, patrol, come home, eat, and sleep. Rinse and repeat every day.

So, you ask yourself, what do you even fight for anymore?

[greensparty]

Movie Reviews: The Greatest Hits / Civil War

This week I got to review two very different films:

The Greatest Hits

This week sees the Hulu release of the recent SXSW hit The Greatest Hits, a romantic drama fantasy. What got my attention was star Lucy Boynton, who has very quietly become a standout in multiple films notably the dream girl in Sing Street, which I named my #1 Movie of 2016. She is widely known for playing Freddie Mercury's fiance in Bohemian Rhapsody, an uneven music biopic, but no denying the lead performances. Here, she is the lead carrying the movie. No second billing 'cause she's a star now!

movie poster

Boynton plays Harriet, a woman who is still mourning the passing of her boyfriend Max. She is finding that certain songs can transport her back to a particular place and time - literally. Upon hearing a song on the radio or in a coffee shop, she goes back to a point and time in the relationship. This causes her to go through her entire record collection and note which albums do and don't have that effect. Then while at her support group, she meets David, who is dealing with loss of his own. They hit it off, but she's having trouble letting go of the past and pondering if she should change the past too.

Music geekdom in pop culture is usually male-driven, which is why the TV version of High Fidelity, where Zoe Kravitz took over the John Cusack role in the film, was so exciting. The idea of a female-driven music geek movie about a protagonist who browses record stores and organizes her record collection is something pop culture should catch up with. Why does it have to be male-driven movies about music geeks? I say this as a male music geek who frequents record stores and organizes my music collection! But in terms of this movie, I think I liked the idea of it better than the actuality. The movie itself had an interesting concept about the way that a song can take you back to another place and time, but then it just fell into romantic tear-jerker tropes. But the thing is I really wanted to like this, especially since Boynton deserves a star-vehicle of her own.

For info on The Greatest Hits

2.5 out of 5 stars

Civil War

British author / writer / director Alex Garland has had a mixed bag as a writer/director. His 1996 book The Beach was adapted by Danny Boyle in 2000, which had its moments but more or less became a star vehicle for Leonardo DiCaprio. That lead to Garland's screenwriting with Boyle directing 28 Days Later and Sunshine. For the former, I dug the first two-thirds and then it fell apart in the last third. However I will say that there's an alternate ending on the DVD that they didn't film, but show the storyboards with voiceover and that would've been a much stronger ending and movie as a whole. The later I don't remember too well, but remember liking it when I saw it. Over the last decade, Garland has brought his dystopian bleak view of the world to the director's seat with mixed results. His best work IMHO was 2014's Ex Machina, which came out just as Siri and Alexa were becoming commonplace and had something to say about AI. If Stanley Kubrick was alive in the 2010s, that's exactly the kind of movie he would've made (NOTE: I said "kind of" not "exactly like"). Now Garland's back with another bleak future, this one about the Divided States of America in Civil War, which opens this week from A24.

movie poster

In a war-torn U.S., there's a civil war raging with some states resisting the current president (a wasted Nick Offerman, who is barely in it). In NYC, veteran war photographer Lee (Kirsten Dunst) is covering a protest and saves Jesse (Cailee Spaeny), a young photographer just starting out who is actually a fan of Lee's. The next day Lee and her journalist partner Joel (Wagner Moura) are getting ready to drive from NYC to D.C. in the midst of this chaos in hopes of scoring an interview with the president before the rebels get to the White House first. Along for the ride is Sammy (Stephen McKinley Henderson), an older New York Times reporter, and to Lee's dismay, Jesse. Along the way, they see a lot in this dystopian horror-show. Lee and her team get up close for their coverage. As Lee says in the movie (not a spoiler) their job is not to ask questions, just to photograph and let others ask questions.

I had a lot of issues with this movie. First of all, it only scratched the surface. This movie brings up some hot button issues and it's being released in an election year and yet it doesn't really dive too deep only scratches the surface. The film gives no context as to how any of this happened. I don't need everything answered for me in a movie and I'm all for ambiguity when it works, but this just seemed like a missed opportunity. There could've been something to say about the left and the right and where that leaves the middle ground or something to say about Trump waging war on the press, but instead it said, well, not too much. Kirsten Dunst, who is always reliable, was easily the highlight of the film. She is among the greatest child actors who continued to deliver great performances as an adult. Between all of her collaborations with Sofia Coppola (The Virgin Suicides, Marie Antoinette, and The Beguiled), the excellent Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Melancholia (an uneven movie but truly elevated by Dunst), TV's Fargo, and her Oscar-nominated performance in The Power of the Dog, she has quite an impressive filmography. And did I mention she was excellent as MJ in Sam Raimi's Spider-Man trilogy! Here, she pulls off an internalized role of a hardened veteran. It's all in her eyes with this performance. But the biggest issue I have with Civil War is that is trying to be deep, profound and meaningful...and by the end it felt like - that's it?!?! Axl Rose singing "what's so civil about war anyways?" was more deep than this!

For info on Civil War

2 out of 5 stars

[navalcriminalimagines]

Better than me

This is my very first Joel Miller x Reader work. And I completely got carried away. I may do a series, if you guys like it? Joel deserves all the love in the world 🥺Please, let me know what you think!

Summary: You live across the street from Joel. Every night, you watch him play the guitar on his porch and one night, you find the courage to go out and talk to him.

Songs: Future days ; Better than me

Warnings: Smut, oral, p in v, creampie, unprotected sex, a bit of roughness

Words count: 5k

Jackson, Wyoming

Just like every night, your neighbor Joel Miller was sitting on his porch, playing his guitar. Just like every night, you stood by your window, listening to whatever he’s playing, tonight he settled on ‘Future days’. You remembered this song from a long time ago. And just like every night, you hoped you’d find the courage to go out and talk to him.

But you never really talked to him. You crossed paths every now and then, barely exchanging two sentences. It’s way much easier to talk with Ellie, the teenager living with him. One day, you were actually talking with Ellie inside the house and when he got home, you found a stupid excuse and disappeared pretty quickly.

You haven’t been able to find the courage to talk to him. Until that night. It was 2am, and you could still hear him play. He was trying to be silent, even though that’s not really possible. You quickly checked yourself in the shitty small mirror of your bathroom and got out of your house. Joel noticed you only when you were standing right in front of him.

“Hey, Y/N. I’m sorry, did I wake you up?” he gently asked.

“Nah, don’t worry. Couldn’t sleep,” you waved off. “Thought I’d enjoy the music from closer,” you were thankfully it was dark outside, so he couldn’t see you profusely blushing.

“Take a seat,” he offered, showing off the chair next to him. “I’m not sure we’ve ever been properly introduced?” he said, after you settled next to him.

“Yeah, me neither,” you smiled. “Y/N Y/L/N, I’m from Nevada, I’ve been in Jackson for a few months and well-- what else can we say?”

He chuckled. “Fair. Joel Miller,” he said, extending his hand to you over his guitar and you shook it. “I’m from Texas. And I play the guitar,”

“Noticed. You actually have been my personal radio for the past months,”

“As long as you enjoy it. Do you play?”

“Unfortunately not. I used to play violin though,” you confessed. “Long time ago,”

“I wish I could find one, just to hear you play,”

That night, most of the conversation turned around music and instruments. You were a teenager when the virus appeared, and you were a music junkie. You didn’t know why but you confessed to Joel that your dream was to be a rockstar and tour all around the world with a band. He told you about his favorite artists back then, and how he started to play the guitar. He confessed about writing songs when the inspiration hits. Which hasn’t for a while.

The next day, you happily joined him again. This time, you talked less about music and more about yourselves. Joel told you about Ellie, how he met her and how that teenager made her way to his heart. For a moment, he considered telling you about Sarah, but what would be the point? You don’t know each other enough, and he didn’t want to look like the man stuck twenty years prior. Even if you all are, somehow. You told him about your family, that you lost a while ago and how you ended up here in Jackson.

For weeks, meeting Joel on his porch became a thing. You were there almost every night, even when there were some sorts of events in town. You enjoyed his company way more than you should and so did he. But neither of you would say so. Some nights, he didn’t even pick up his guitar, it was just you and him, right there, talking. Falling.

One night, Joel’s heart rushed into his chest as he saw you walking with a limp, up to your house. He put his guitar down and jogged to you, right before you slammed your front door. “Y/N, are you okay?” he asked, clearly worried.

“Huh, yeah, yeah. My knee didn’t appreciate today’s patrol,” you told him, motioning him to join inside your house.

“Were you attacked or something?” he asked, watching you collapsing on your couch.

“No, no, nothing like that. I’m just a klutz,” you tiredly giggled. Joel wanted to laugh too but he was still very worried. He grabbed a pillow and gently lifted your leg to put it under.

“I’ll be right back in ten minutes, okay?”

You didn’t have time to overthink. Joel left your house in a rush and true to his words, he came back ten minutes later with something in his hand. You hadn’t moved a bit, and you watched him approaching. What he had in his hands was ice. “Do you mind if I bounce back your pants?” he asked and you nodded.

Ever so gently, Joel freed your injured knee and put the ice on it. You hissed at the cold and thanked him anyway. “I’m gonna let you rest,”

You didn’t want him to leave. Not just yet. “You know, the pain will probably keep me awake for a while. I wouldn’t mind a private concert by my favorite guitarist,”

Joel chuckled at that, trying to avoid how it made his heart melt. “Fine. I’ll be right back,”

That night, Joel played ‘Future days’ over and over after you asked him to. He kept playing and singing until you fell asleep next to him.

It took a few weeks for your knee to heal, during which Joel had been nothing but an angel. He was over your house every day, checking on your knee to make sure it was properly healing. He made sure you have enough ice and he brought your meals to prevent you from going to the self. Even while being on a patrol, he found a way to have your meals being brought to you.

“Must be nice to be Joel Miller’s favorite,” Jesse joked as you opened the door. He was holding your dinner in one hand and some ice in the other. “God I wish someone would home delivered for me,”

You let your friend in, and settled back on your couch with your leg up. “I can injure your knee for you,” you offered with a grin.

“Wouldn’t work. I’m not cute enough to get Joel’s attention,”

“Shut up!”

Jesse sat next to you. “His guitar’s here. Is he living here? Oh my god, are you guys dating?”

“No! We’re just friends,” you explained. “We just share the same love of music. So, yes, he does come here and plays,”

“Wow, you really think I’m gonna buy this?” Jesse raised an eyebrow at you.

“Jesse, I swear. Nothing is happening between me and Joel,”

“But you wished,”

“Just leave already.” you retorted.

“Y/N, be careful, okay? The man is broken,”

“Yeah, so?”

“I just don’t want you to get hurt,”

“Right. Cause you surely stopped loving Dina when you found that she was a lesbian!”

“I’m just saying, Y/N.”

“Thanks for the home delivery,” you don’t want a cold to stand between you and Jesse, “If I had money, I’d tip you,” you smiled at him.

“You know, you could pay me in nature,”

While that sentence made you laugh, Joel didn’t have the same reaction. He was standing right behind Jesse, his arms crossed over his chest. Your friend didn’t see him at first, still waiting for you to say something, “Hi, Joel,” you said, embarrassed.

Jesse didn’t turn around immediately. He knew Joel would kill him if he could. “I’m just gonna go and avoid your eyes, Joel,” he said, leaving the house in a rush, his face buried deep in his shoulders.

“Good call,” Joel muttered.

“It was just a joke,” you said as soon as you heard the door closing.

“I wouldn’t be sure about that, Y/N. He was just waiting for you to say yes,” Joel was still standing with his arms crossed.

“So, what if I agreed?” you teased him, hoping it would make things move forward a little. But it didn’t.

“Do you want me to call him back? He isn’t far, yet,”

“Just come here and give me my hug, would you?”

Joel’s anger - and obvious jealousy - evaporated as soon as you wrapped your arms around his neck. He isn’t much of a hugger, but you are and you managed to make him addicted to your hugs. He loves being intoxicated by your scent, he loves how you hold him tight, he loves how your fingers always find their way to the small hair in the back of his head. And you love how he buries his head in your back, how his strong arms wrap you so perfectly, how his hands sometimes grab your clothes in a fist.

A few weeks later

Your knee was completely healed and you were back on patrols. Things were moving in Jackson and you and Joel spent less late nights together. You were missing him and he was missing you.

One night, a ball was being held. Everyone here needed that every now and then to cheer up and have some good time. Jesse, Dina and Ellie convinced you to come. You did and as predicted, you spent the entire night waiting for Joel to appear, but he never did.

You were walking back to your house around 3 in the morning. As you approached your street, you could hear the music. Instead of going home, you stopped in front of Joel’s porch. “You said you’d come,” you told him.

“I know, I shouldn’t have. Those aren’t my thing,” he apologized. “Are you mad?”

“No,” you said, lying just a little and sitting next to him. “Just disappointed. It was really nice,”

“No doubt. I’m sorry,”

“I’ll accept your apology with you show me how to play,”

Joel chuckled and handed you his guitar. Then, he moved his chair closer to yours. His chest was literally against your back, his face a few inches from yours. You tried to focus on the instrument, but he made it really hard as his hand covered yours in order to show you where to put your fingers. He started with the easiest chord, E.

As you played violin, it wasn’t completely new to you. But you’d have played dumb if needed, as long as he stayed right where he was. When E sounded good, Joel turned his face to the side to look at you. You were already staring. His lips were so close to yours, you could feel his hot breath on your skin. His eyes went from your eyes to your lips, from your lips to your eyes.

It was now or never. You took your shot and crashed your lips on his. Thankfully, he eagerly responded to your kiss. One of his hands moved to your neck, his beard was gently tickling your skin and he parted his lips, letting his tongue out. You happily welcomed his tongue into your mouth and moaned. The kiss was passionate and intense, Joel couldn’t get you close enough to his liking.

But eventually, he broke it off. You whined, and when you opened your eyes again, you couldn’t see it caused him physical pain to break the kiss. “Don’t you want—“ you start to say.

“I do,” he cut you off. “God, how I do,” his nose was brushing against yours, his hand still in your neck.

“Then why aren’t lips on mine anymore?” You gently nipped his bottom lip and that made him chuckle.

“Are you sure, Y/N?” He had to ask.

“Fuck, Joel. I’ve been simping over you for ages,”

“Simping?”

“Right, sorry I forgot how old you are,” you rolled your eyes.

“I’m gonna show you how old I am, babygirl,” he groaned.

In a flash, Joel grabbed his guitar and your wrist. You’re actually not sure which one he was holding the softest. He put the guitar in the living room and took you to his bedroom. As soon as he kicked the door shut, he spinned you around, holding you against the door and his lips crashed on yours, roughly.

He didn’t kiss you long enough, though. He quickly drifted south, and assaulted your neck. You moaned in his hair, and you could feel the obvious bulge in his jeans against your thighs. His hands traveled under your top and you tried to palm his erection, but he immediately stopped you.

Joel grabbed your wrists into his hand and pinned them above your head. He just stared for a moment. Stared at your swollen lips, at the marks he already made in your neck and in your eyes. You were looking at him with both killing desire and love. It confused him for a brief second but he shut his brain and kissed you again.

You were desperate to touch him, undress him, feel him. But he was strongly holding your hands, all you could was grinding your center against his thigh. “So needy,” he whispered in your ear before nipping the lobe. You swallowed thickly and let out a loud moan.

“Yes, I need you Joel. Please,” you begged him. When was the last time someone beg for him?

“It’s been such a long time, I probably won’t last,” he breathed out, shamefully.

“We have a lifetime ahead of us, who cares,”

That sentence didn’t have the impact you were shooting for. In a second, you were completely free from Joel’s grip as he took a big step back. He was panting. “That’s not—“ he whispered, trying to put his thoughts into words.

“Aw baby, did you already come?” you teased him.

“That was a close call, but that’s not my point, Y/N,” you could see he was getting angry. But why? At who?

You took a step forward, your hands tenderly cupping his bearded cheeks. “Then what is your point?” you asked, genuinely concerned.

“This—is a bad idea,” Joel struggled. He leaned into your touch but frowned as he knew he couldn’t enjoy it too much. “You—you should leave,” he wrapped his hands around your wrists, forcing you to let go of his face.

“Not until you give me one good reason, Joel.” Now, you were getting angry. Hurt. Frustrated. All of that.

“You deserve better—“ he whispered. “Better than me,”

“That’s not a good—“

“That’s good enough for me. Please, Y/N.” He begged you, pain clearly written all over his face.

“You’re making a big mistake, you know that?” Joel heard your voice cracking and you had barely finished your sentence, that his thumb was softly brushing your lips.

“That’s my jam,” he sadly tried to joke.

You have no idea what happened in his mind in a brief period of time but for whatever reason, Joel wanted you to leave. He had changed his mind and you’re not the kind of person to force people. If he doesn’t want you like this, if he doesn’t want you around him, you’ll let him be.

You left his house. Leaving you both broken-hearted.

A year later

Avoiding someone in Jackson isn’t an easy task, but somehow, Joel managed to do it pretty well. He always disappeared when you showed up, no matter where it was. He managed to never stare at you from afar when you were definitely staring. The only moment you could’ve walked to him and asked for explanations was at night, as he kept playing the guitar and all of those songs you kept talking about. But he asked you to leave and never apologized. Why would you be the one to make the first move?

As Joel checked his next patrol, he noticed he’s set on a patrol with you the very next day. Completely pissed off, he bursted into Tommy’s office and slammed the door behind. He planted his fists on the desk and stared at his younger brother. “Why the hell am I teaming with Y/N for tomorrow’s patrol?” he barked.

“What’s wrong with her?” Tommy asked, genuinely curious as to why Joel was that mad.

“Nothing,” he said, raising his hands defensively. “I just don’t want to team up with her,”

“I’ll consider making some changes, if you give me a good reason,” Tommy stood up and got closer to Joel.

“I--I almost had sex with her,”

“Almost? Couldn’t get through with it, brother?” Tommy teased him.

Before answering, Joel threw himself on the worn out couch and Tommy sat on the armbar, waiting for explanations. “We were--at it. But I had to stop,” Joel admitted, growling at himself.

“Couldn’t get it up?”

“Tommy, fuck off,”

“I honestly don’t understand how in the world you couldn’t have sex with one of the most beautiful women in Jackson,”

“Cause-- she deserves better than this. Better than me,”

“Bullshit!” Tommy shouted.

“Listen, I’m an old grumpy and lonely guy--” Joel trailed off.

“Cut the crap, bro. I’ve always wondered what her deal was, since she’s turning down all the guys around, but now it makes sense. She clearly wants you,”

“She shouldn’t,”

“Don’t you think that’s on her to decide? So, please, get the hell out of my office, go on that patrol with her tomorrow and take things back where you left them,”

“You’re the worst brother ever,” Joel rolled his eyes.

“I know. I want my brother to get laid, how horrible of me,” Tommy sarcastically answered, before giving his brother a tap in his back.

The next day came way too fast for Joel.

He was late and people were pressing you to do the patrol. You took the two horses with you and walked up to his house. You knocked and let yourself in immediately, “Joel, you’re late,” you called out for him, “I know you don’t want to spend the day with me but we don’t have a choice,” you spoke loudly, not knowing where he was. As you walked to the kitchen, you saw Ellie packing her bag. “Oh, hey El!” you greeted her, hoping you weren’t blushing.

She smiled at you. “Joel’s in the bathroom. He should be down in a minute,” she told you before walking out. “He brought some coffee. Help yourself,”

“Oh, nice!”

Upstairs, Joel couldn’t decide what to wear. Why did it matter anyway? Why did he want to look...good for you? He didn’t have much clothes and all of them were used and dirty. But he settled for his green shirt, as he remembered you telling him it looked good on him. He checked his hair and beard one more time, he even checked his breath before cursing to himself. And he joined you downstairs.

You poured yourself a cup of coffee in Joel’s used mug and started to look around, waiting for him. You hadn’t been there in a year, you hadn’t even approached the porch. You missed this, you missed Joel.

A paper on the coffee table grabbed your attention. You took it in your hand and started to read what was on it, but you heard Joel’s footsteps coming down. You only had a glimpse of it

“The bed I'm lying in is getting colder

Wish I never would've said it's over

And I can't pretend

I won't think about you when I'm older

'Cause we never really had our closure

This can't be the end

I really miss your hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

And I think you should know this

You deserve much better than me”

You recognized Joel’s handwriting. This really sounded like a song, but no time to analyze it, as he took the paper from your hand and folded it in his back pocket. “Is that a song?” You asked.

“Really don’t want to talk about it. Let’s go,”

“Haven’t finished my coff—“ you didn’t have time to finish either your sentence or your coffee. Joel grabbed the mug from your hand and drank the rest of the brown liquor.

“There. Finished.”

“Wow, it’s gonna be a long day,” you mumbled in your teeth as you were walking out.

“What?” Joel asked from behind.

“It’s gonna be a wonderful day!” You sarcastically exclaimed.

It was indeed a long day. You and Joel barely talked, only exchanging about your ride of the day. You tried your best not to look much at him, but it was hard as he was looking this good with his green shirt. The worst was when he rolled up his sleeves, showing off his strong and veiny forearms.

On the other hand, Joel spent the entire day looking at you. Most of the time, you were riding the horse in front of him. He had a perfect view on your ass and he loved how it bounced. You were wearing an old tank top, letting him see your tattoo on your shoulder. He wanted to press his lips against your skin again. He missed you like hell.

“Are you mad at me, Y/N?” he asked, while the two of you had gone down from the horses. You turned around to face him.

“Mad?” you sounded angry but somehow, your body language and the sadness on your face said otherwise. “No, I’m just--lost. I still don’t understand, Joel.” you shrugged. There was something in your expression, on your face, that broke his heart all over again.

“I told you.” he just answered.

“Well okay, let’s say that it doesn’t make sense to me,” you corrected yourself, “We spent so much time together, and every second was amazing. Then we kissed and--you took me inside your house, you pinned me against your door, I thought it was going really well and all of the sudden, you backed off. And--and you spent the past year avoiding me, but somehow, you still play your fucking guitar on your porch, knowing that I can hear you. Hell, you spend a serious amount of time playing ‘Future days’— and what you wrote—”

You hadn’t realized you were rambling until his lips crashed into yours. Rough but tender at the same time, his beard tickled your nose. He was holding your face in his hands, making you as close as possible to him. It stayed a chaste kiss until he pulled back. “And now you’re kissing me again,” you said, a bit shaken in a beautiful way.

“I just wanted you to shut up,” he smirked.

“Please, make some sense, Joel,” you pleaded him. “Because I really don’t understand and it prevents me from moving on,” you paused, “Not that I actually want to move on,”

“You never shut up, do you?”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t stop kissing me,”

Back at your house

This past year was long forgotten when you and Joel reached your house. You locked your door behind and basically ran to your bedroom, taking him with you. You were so fast, Joel almost tripped in the stairs. Once in your bedroom, you threw him on your bed and straddled him. You were not going to let him escape this time.

You crashed your lips on his, and you kissed him feverishly. You never unbuttoned a shirt this fast in your life. Joel’s hands got under your tank top and quickly got rid of it, along with your bra. Joel cupped one of your breasts in his hand and brought his mouth to the other. He played with your nipples for a moment, while you freed him from his jeans and boxers. You stroked him a few times, feeling some precum on your fingers. Joel let out the biggest moan he ever had. It’s been so long. So fucking long, he couldn’t stand the foreplay, “I need to be inside you, sweetheart. Like, right now,” he growled.

You got off his lap just to take your pants and panties off. Joel’s eyes darken at the sight of your naked body. He could’ve come just from the sight.

You pushed his shoulders so he was completely laying on the bed. Joel felt your wetness when you started to grind your center against his hard cock. It was killing him.

“Just for my peace of mind,” he managed to say, “You’re not a virgin, are you?” he asked, his hands resting on your hips.

“Would it change something if I was?” you answered, pressing your body against his.

“Yes. I wouldn’t want to hurt you. I would take my time with you,” he gently said, planting soft kisses around your mouth.

“I’m not a virgin. It’s been a while though, does hymen grow back?”

Joel laughed at that, but his laugh quickly turned into a deep growl as you made him penetrate you. You slided onto him so slowly, it took everything in his power not to shove his length as deep as he could. You felt his fingers digging so hard on your hips, you’ll probably wake up with bruises in the morning. It’s been such a long time, it almost felt like it was indeed your first time.

As he bottomed out, Joel kissed you roughly. He’s not going to last. This is too much. “Fuck, Y/N! You’re so tight,” he groaned in your ear, holding your hair in his fist.

You pulled out slowly and got him to bottom out again. You rode him with this killer pace, until he couldn’t take it anymore. He made you roll over and pinned you down onto the mattress. Again, his fingers dug into your skin, and his lips crashed on yours in a rough and sloppy kiss. Joel quickened the pace, fucking you relentlessly. He could hear you cry his name and it quickly became a blur to him. It was so much for him, he completely forgot about your pleasure and after a few quick and hard thrusts, Joel came deep inside your pussy, crying your name out loud.

This was too quick, you didn’t have time to cum too. But you didn’t mind, you knew he was going to get even. Plus, seeing him falling apart on top of you like that was the most sexy and erotic and amazing thing you ever witnessed. That image only could get you soaking wet. Pretty much like you were at this moment.

“Fuck, sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” he said, collapsing on you.

“It’s okay,” you reassured him, stroking his hair and kissing his temple. He was sweaty as hell, but you loved the taste of him on your lips.

“God,” he panicked, “I came inside you,” he looked at you with wide eyes, realizing the risk it was. He should have never come inside you. This is way too risky. There are no birth controls and no condoms. He can’t do that again. The panic washed him over, but you stayed pretty calmed under him. “Why are you not freaking out? Yelling at me?”

“Is there anything we can do about it?” you asked, steady.

“Well--” he trailed off. Obviously, there’s nothing you can do about it. He came, it’s too late.

“I’ll be careful next time, I promise.” he apologized and kissed you.

Once the panic disappeared, Joel remembered that you didn’t come. He got carried away by his own pleasure, he completely forgot about yours. “Don’t move,” he ordered you and made a trail of wet kisses down to your core. You moaned when his lips reached your clit and he smirked. He licked and sucked on your clit for a moment, one of his arms around your waist to keep you still. When he felt your hand running through his hair, and your nails digging on his scalp, he moaned himself. “Fuck, you’re tasting yourself,” you breathed out.

“I couldn’t care less.” he muttered.

As he kept eating like a starving man, Joel surprised you with a thick finger entering your core. “Jesus, Joel! Yes!” you cried and he didn’t waste time adding another finger. His fingers were curling inside you, hitting exactly where they were supposed and he remained sucking hard on your clit. “Just like that, yes! Fuck!” he felt your body shaking under him and his free hand immediately rushed to your breasts, pinching your nipples between his thumb and index. He didn’t stop, not even slowed down until you came hard on his face, crying his name so loud, all Jackson probably heard you.

As you were catching your breath, Joel got back on top of you and wrapped an arm around your neck. He held you so tight, you almost couldn't breathe but you loved every second of it. You were surprised by his length teasing your oversensitive entrance, “I’ve never recovered this fast in my life.” he growled in your ear. “Can I?” he asked for your consent, gently kissing your temple.

“Yes please! Give it to me, baby. Fuck me!”

That was all he needed. He didn’t need his hand to slide inside of you again. In one thrust, he bottomed out and cursed. “You were made for me,” he said, huskily, before kissing you, all teeth and tongue.

As he thrusted hard and deep inside your pussy, you grabbed his ass and squeezed. He chuckled against your mouth and quickened his pace. He fucked you relentlessly again but this time, he took his time. There was less urge, he was thinking about your pleasure too.

He finally let go of your neck, and got on his knees, lifting your hips a little. Your ass was resting on his thighs as he kept thrusting. That angle drove both of you crazy. While one of his hands was holding your hips hard, he furiously rubbed your clit with the other. He could feel you're losing it. “I’m gonna cum, baby,” you told him. “Fuck, you feel so good!” you cried his name again, coming and creaming on his cock.

“God, I’ll never get used to that sight,” Seeing you losing it under his touch sent him over the edge. He managed to withdraw just in time to come on your stomach, he didn’t even have to give himself a few final strokes.

He collapsed on top of you again, not caring about the sticky mess between your bodies. “You’ll be the death of me, Y/N,” he said and you chuckled.

“I love you, Joel. There’s no better than you,”

[pappydaddy]

Mashed Potatoes and Joel Hoekstra (b.h.)

 A/N: This is for the lovely anon who wanted a Billy x Byers!Reader. I was so excited to write this one, I loved this request (I am loving ALL requests, but I’ve been loving these Billy ones lately!). Definitely very fun to write this one so thank you so much for requesting doll! Hope you love it lovely anon💛!

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Fem!Byers!Reader

Show/Movie: Stranger Things

Requested

Warnings: Mean people, bullying, prejudice, the shits of the teenage years, but fluff in the end!

Remember guys! Your family name does not define you or someone else! It’s who they are that defines them, it’s who you are that defines you. It’s how you act, how you treat people, etc. Just like you don’t judge a book by it’s cover, you don’t judge a person by their name. If anyone tries to put you in a box simply because of a prejudice with your name, ignore them. I know it’s hard, I know - trust me, but they really don’t deserve your time. And if you feel trapped in a box because of your name, just know that you can break free from that box. My DMs are ALWAYS open if you lovelies need to talk💛!

masterlist | taglist | wips | navigation - not my gif - 

  “Billy,” Y/N’s soft voice broke the tranquil silence that had settled over the room. Her finger that had been tracing random shapes on his chest stopped moving, her eyes flicking around the darkroom as she waited for him to respond in some way. She knew he wasn’t asleep by the lack of snores lowly rumbling in his chest (which she also laid her head upon) and his breathing pattern. He hummed, the sound reverberating in his chest, his hand still stroking up and down along the dip in her back where her spine was. “We’ve been dating for a few months now-” 

  “Six months.” He interjected, pressing a warm kiss to the top of her head. 

  “Right, yeah, we’ve been dating for six months,” She nodded, her already tangled hair tangling a bit more. Her voice was nervous, not knowing how he would react to her bringing this up. “And I was just thinking that maybe it would be time for you to meet my family,” She asked, her voice pitching up towards the end. “Maybe. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but it’s just everyone else I’ve dated has met them by now, but then again, everyone else I’ve ever dated left a few weeks after meeting them so-”

  “You’re rambling again, Bug.” Billy cut her off gently, knowing that she rambled and rants when she’s nervous and scared. Her cheeks heated up, burning as she settled back down to cuddle into Billy’s bare chest. 

  “Sorry.” She whispered. 

  Billy pressed another kiss to her hair, knowing that her ex’s all harped on her about her nervous rambles, making her snap her mouth shut and sink into herself. “Nothing to be sorry for, Bug, you’re nervous.” He reassured her. 

  She took a deep breath, calming herself as Billy gave her the silent support she needed. “Back on track,” She nodded her tone calm once again. “I still think you should meet my family because they are really important to me and you’re really important to me and I just really would like it if you guys got along,” She expressed nervously. The room was silent as she waited impatiently for his response, her breath was hitched, her mind automatically assuming that he was going to leave her right here, right now because he didn’t want to meet her family or worse, not feel the same about her. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to; if you’re not there in the relationship, that’s fine, we can take a few steps back if you’d like-” She started to shrink away from him, her mind panicking as it continued to imagine him leaving her like the rest - like her father. 

  “No-” Billy interjected softly, gently pulling her back to be flush against him. “I’ll meet your family only if you get some sleep, it’s late and you’re exhausted. He bargained, suddenly feeling nervous and wanting her to go to sleep for her sake and his. 

  “Okay, deal.” She yawned, closing her eyes, snuggling her cheek farther into his chest, listening to the beating of his heart. Billy squeezed his eyes closed as he tried to control his heartbeat so he didn’t alert her to his sudden nervousness. 

____  

  The next day was relaxed other than Billy’s increasing nervousness. He loved Y/N, he was at that place in the relationship where the only logical step would be to meet each other’s family, but he couldn’t help but feel a sense of doom. For one, meeting her family meant she would have to meet his family and he wanted to keep her as far away from Neil as possible. Secondly, the Byers family had a certain reputation around Hawkins High and Middle and Billy had heard all about it from his friends. Of course, he was stand-off-ish of Y/N before they started dating because of this reputation, but everything turned out fine with her so why wouldn’t her family be the same? 

  “What’s got you so quiet, Hargrove?” Tommy asked aggressively as they mulled around the locker room, changing after gym class. Billy jolted out of his thoughts as he just stood, staring into his locker. Looking back at Tommy, he blinked at him for a second before comprehending what his question was. 

  “Uh, nothing,” Billy shook his head, grabbing his shirt from his locker, slipping it on. “It’s just that Y/N invited me over to meet her family.” He had no idea why he was confessing this to Tommy and his other friends of all people, knowing how they feel about Y/N and the rest of her family. The words had tumbled out before he could even think about stopping them. 

  “Woah,” Tommy exclaimed, laughing as he pretended to back away from Billy as if he were carrying some sort of contagious disease. “Boys! Say good-bye to the Billy we all know because soon, he’s gonna be infected by the Weird-os.” His statement earned a chorus of laughs from the boys huddled around. 

  “Buzz off Tommy, they can’t be that bad. I mean, Y/N is great!” Billy said mostly to himself, closing his locker. 

  “Sure, she’s the most normal one,” Tommy shrugged. “But the rest of them man,” He shook his head as if telling some old wise tale. “They are complete basket cases. Completely messed in the head. Look at Jonathan for an example,” Tommy paused, walking over to Billy and slinging his arm over his shoulder. “Nobody talks to him, he sits in the back of the classes or in that stupid dark room, playing with his stupid little camera.” 

  “Y/N says that he’s quiet and works most of the time so he doesn’t have much time to hang out and the time he does have, he chooses to practice photography.” Billy pointed out, pushing Tommy’s arm off him. Tommy remained unfazed, leaning against the lockers as he continued.

  “Alright, if not Jonathan, then the younger one,” He paused, using his hands to set the scene. “He died, okay? Died and came back to life like in one of his freaky little movies he and his dork friends watch,” Billy glared at him, knowing full well that Max was one of his friends. “Much like his brother, he just sits there and colours and colours and colours. He’s in middle school and still colours like a pre-schooler.” 

  “He’s pretty talented, I’ve seen some of his pictures in the car when Y/N has it.” 

  “Now, let’s talk about the mother. She works at a general store, she dated that geek from Radio Shack, her husband left her, she had a meltdown in the middle of the street, she bought all the fucking lights in Hawkins because she thought her dead son was talking to her through them,” He paused. Billy opened his mouth to defend Joyce, but Tommy cut him off. “They are weird, Hargrove. They are completely nuts and you better prepare to be just as nuts because I am pretty sure it’s contagious.” 

  “Just look at Harrington and Wheeler,” Another guy piped up, making Billy look towards him. “They started to hang around with the Byers and look at them, they turned just as crazy. Constantly looking over their shoulders, Harrington only hangs around kids now, always having hushed conversations with them and Wheeler only talks to Jonathan now.” 

  “That’s not-” 

  ‘That’s not the same,” Tommy cut Billy off with a question. “It is exactly the same. Meeting the Byers is like the kiss of death. Kills your social life and makes you crazy-” 

  “Billy,” Y/N’s voice called into the locker room from the door she held slightly open. “Are you in here, we should really be getting to lunch, I’m starving!” 

  “Yeah, be out in a second!” He called to her, the door softly closing in response. He nervously looked at the door as Tommy clicked his tongue. 

  “It’s your choice, Hargrove, it’s your grave you’re digging.” Billy glared at him, shrugging on his jean jacket and leaving the locker room. His eyes met Y/N easily, seeing her talking to Steve excitedly. Though Billy still didn’t like Steve, he didn’t have the mental or emotional capacity at that given time to deal with his fluffy-haired nemesis, too busy fretting about what to do about meeting Y/N’s family. 

  “There you are, I was worried that you accidentally slammed your head in the locker or something,” She joked, not realizing that Billy was actually considering it. He didn’t want to make her think that he wasn’t ready to take the next step in the relationship, but I also was scared now. As much as he wanted to admit that he didn’t trust Tommy H and all the other guys, he really did want to say that he let their warnings roll off his back, but he couldn’t. “Come on, I want to eat, see you, Steve!” She grabbed Billy’s hand, pulling him out of the gym and into the halls. 

  “What were you talking to Harrington about?” He asked, hoping that it was completely unrelated to her having him over for dinner. 

  “About you meeting my family,” She chirped happily. Billy wanted to deflate right there. Of course it had to be about that. It couldn’t have been about anything else. Anything to take his mind off something so anxiety inducing. “He thinks it’s a great idea! He said that you would love my family and I really hope he’s right.” 

  “I really hope so too-” He muttered under his breath. 

  “What was that?” She asked, her brows furrowing as she leaned in closer. 

  “Nothing, Bug.” He told her, hoping she would buy it. She pulled a face, shrugging before regaining her giddy mood. 

  “Must have just been hearing things,” She chalked it up. “Anyway, I was thinking that you should come round to my place at seven? My mom is off today so she’s been prepping for this since nine this morning!” 

  “Yeah, about that,” Billy spoke slowly, dreading what he was about to do. He really didn’t want to do it, but he needed to buy himself sometime so he could figure out his next move. Find a way to keep Y/N while not having to meet her family. “I’m feeling a little sick to my stomach, Bug. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to go tonight.” 

  “Oh no,” She gasped, her hand squeezing his affectionately as she stopped in the hallway. “You might have overdone it in gym today, especially when I accidentally kicked that soccer ball right into your stomach, sorry about that by the way.” 

  “No, it wasn’t that, but you do have one hell of a kick on you,” He shook his head, not wanting her to blame herself. “I just think I’m coming down with something and I really don’t want to infect your family.” He lied through his teeth. 

  She awed, her hand coming up to cup his cheek sweetly. “That’s so sweet,” She cooed. Her hand slid from his face as disappointment flashed across her face, but it was gone as soon as it came, or at least she tried to fake it. Billy could see the disappointment she tried to bury, his heart pulling at the sight of it, knowing that he was the one who caused it. “It’s alright, I want you to worry about your health first. I’ll just go call my mom and tell her that there was a change of plans-” She paused, looking for a quarter as she tried to ignore the worry bubbling up once again. “Could I borrow a quarter? I think I spent mine calling her earlier to check up.” She asked, extending her flat palm, waiting for him to drop a quarter in it. 

  Billy tucked his bottom lip between his teeth. He could tell she was thinking that he was trying to avoid meeting her family because he just didn’t want to. While there was some truth to that, he couldn’t let her feel like he was pulling away from her. “You know what,” He pushed her hand back down to her side. “I’m going to go to the nurse and see if she can help me. I’ll see you before next period and update you, Bug.” He pressed a quick kiss to her forehead before running off down the hall. 

  “Okay-” She breathed out, shocked. She watched him run past Tommy and his gaggle of idiots, the group watching him run - laughing. 

  “Oh, the crazy is already starting to rub off on you, Hargrove!” Tommy yelled, but Billy either ignored it or didn’t hear it. Y/N eyed Tommy oddly before eyeing Billy’s retreating form. 

____

  The fact that Billy stood at the front door of the Byers’ house was a miracle in itself, considering how many times Billy considered swerving hard right into a tree in order to escape this night, but he pushed forward, knowing that Y/N was worth it. He tightened his grip on the bouquet of flowers, the thorns digging into his hand making him wince. Groaning, he switched holds, shaking his stinging hand out. He felt constricted in his clean cut clothes, his button-up buttoned more than usual, only the first two buttons being undone. The slacks itched his legs and made him feel like he was heading to a Sunday service. 

  Taking a deep breath, he raised his close fist, hitting his knuckles against the door twice in rapid succession. He could hear a scuffle from behind the door and Y/N’s distinctive voice pleading with her mother to let her answer it. The door was jerked open, revealing a breathless woman and a blushing Y/N standing in the back looking defeated. “You must be Y/N’s sister.” Billy used his normal line that worked wonders on mothers, but he was so off his game that he sounded a bit nervous, spitting the line out a few moments too late. The woman didn’t seem to mind, taking the compliment easily.  

  “Oh, stop it,” She flicked her hand, a wide smile nearly breaking her face as she laughed. “You must be Billy,” She continued to giggle, the laughter making her look youthful. If Billy hadn’t known that she had two teenagers and a pre-teen, then Billy would have thought she was much younger. “I’m Joyce, come on in, you must be cold,” She ushered him in hurriedly, her hand guiding him into the warm, cozy house as it rested on his upper back. “Standing out there in only a shirt in this fall weather.” She shook her head, closing the door behind him. 

  “Mom-” Y/N whined, embarrassed by her mother’s fussing. Joyce gave her a look, silencing the whine. 

  “You stop that and get this poor boy a drink,” Joyce insisted, leading Billy over to one of the couches. With a small groan in protest, Y/N ducked into the kitchen and out of Billy’s sight, sending him right on edge again. He sat on the couch, his clammy hands running over his slacks as his eyes watched Joyce. She was fairly gentle and normal looking for someone everyone called insane. “Will, go grab Jonathan from the shed, supper is going to be in a few minutes.” Joyce told the small looking boy who worked at setting the table for five, a mismatched chair added to the four that looked like they normally surround the table.

  “You have a lovely home Ms. Byers, thank you for having me.” He extended the pleasantry, seeing Y/N coming into the room with a glass of water. 

  “Please, call me Joyce,” She told him, waving him off once again. “And it’s no problem, Hunny. We’re glad to have you. You’re welcome anytime!” She reassured him, thinking that his nerves were from the donating task of meeting the family for the first time. 

  “Will do.” Billy nodded, gulping down his water. Y/N sat next to him on the couch, her hand naturally falling to his knee. Though his nerves lifted with each passing second he spends with them, he couldn’t seem to get Tommy’s warnings out of his head. 

  “You know, my mom was so excited for you to get here, she side-checked me out of the way to get the door,” Y/N told him, giggling. That seemed normal enough, they all seemed to have a good relationship with each other. It was more functional than his family and they were deemed normal. “And I definitely think you made her entire night with your comment.” 

  “Kids, dinner is ready,” Joyce called from the kitchen. Y/N patted Billy’s leg, standing up. Billy swallowed thickly, feeling like he was walking to his death as he neared the table filled with loads of dishes full of a beautiful home-cooked meal. “Billy, dear, you’re the guest so you can sit here,” Joyce patted the chair at the head of the table, before pointing to the chair next to it that sat between the wall and the table. “Y/N, you sit there.” She instructed her daughter. 

  “So, Billy,” Will spoke up, taking his place beside Y/N, looking directly at the blonde as he scooted his chair in. “Max tells me you like rock music. What’s your favourite band?” He posed the question, grabbing the pitcher of water and filling his glass up. 

  “Uh- I’ve been listening to a lot of Whitesnake lately, but I would say the Scorpions are my favourite band I guess.” Billy answered him, his hands nervously hovering over his plate, not sure what he should be doing. 

  “That’s cool, I like The Clash the most personally, but I like watching the Whitesnake videos, their hair is really cool-” Will nodded, accepting Billy’s answer. 

  “And where have you been watching Whitesnake videos, young man?“ Joyce perked in eyebrow at the youngest, making him shrink back slightly, but Billy could tell it was all playful banter. 

  “At Dustin’s.” He admitted, making Y/N laugh and nod as if it were to suspected. 

  “That was probably Steve’s doing, no doubt.” Y/N pointed out, filling up her own water before filling Billy’s glass automatically.

  “Yeah, it was Steve, he turned MTV on while he was watching us play D&D,” Will perked up at the mention of Steve. Looking right at Billy, he excitedly spoke. “I drew Joel Hoekstra a few months ago, but I made fire shoot out the end of the neck of his guitar. It’s insanely cool.” 

  “Billy, you haven’t gotten any food yet! Go on, you get some first.” Joyce noticed, holding a bowl of mashed potatoes to him. He looked at the bowl of potatoes, perfectly whipped. To anyone else at the table, it was just a bowl of starch and butter, but to Billy, it was the sign that they weren’t crazy. They were just not fitting into the box that everyone says you have to fit in. Looking at the bowl, he felt every bit of nervousness and apprehensiveness leave his body. Smiling, he gently took the bowl, scooping some out onto his plate, causing everyone to start putting food on their plates. 

  “Hey, Will,” Billy spoke up, causing everyone to look at him nervously. Jonathan eyed him, not trusting him yet. “Maybe after dinner, you could show me that drawing? Joel Hoekstra is my favourite member of Whitesnake.” He suggested, causing the boy to light up. Y/N smiled gently, her hand laying over Billy’s gratefully. Who knew that some mashed potatoes and Joel Hoekstra was all it took to see the Byers for who they were.

[mindofharry]

deja vu

in which harry gets a new girlfriend and it’s giving him major deja vu.

angst ! fluff ! all of the above ! feedback is welcome as always <3 based off of the wonderful song, deja vu by olivia rodrigo!!

“Well, maybe we should end it”

Harry suggested and Y/N froze. end it? why is that even something that came into his mind. It was a small, petty fight about a girl. A nice girl that Y/N is apparently jealous of, she’s not by the way. The girl just is the a little too close to her boyfriend, hugging him and kissing him on the cheek when she thinks Y/N isn’t watching them. And harry just sits there, let’s her do that while Y/N his girlfriend of three years is sitting right in front of them. Never did he bitch about her or complain, just compliments for the nice girl at the party.

“W...What?” Y/N stuttered sitting on the hood of the car. The car they bought together. They both worked at an ice cream place down in town, so with the little money they both had and a little support from their parents, they both this beauty. Of course, harry was the only one able to drive it for a whole year because poor Y/N didn’t have her drivers license yet.

“I think we should end it, this” Harry said pointing between himself and Y/N. Her eyes began to fill with tears and the guilt hit him quickly.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. But i just can’t do this back and forth thing anymore. We’re not in middle school” Harry said and sniffled a bit. Y/N nodded, she had sort of know someone like harry wouldn’t stay with someone like her for that long anyways. It’s just apart of life, right?

Right?

“You can keep the car. I’ll find some other way to get into work” Harry mumbled handing Y/N the keys to their shared car. Her eyes widen and anger surged through her veins.

“How dare you” Y/N yelled, a sob coming out of her mouth. “You’re dumping me? you’re fucking dumping me?” she yelled out and that attracted some stares. They were in their place, their special place in Malibu under the stars and near the beach. That’s all theirs.

“You flirt with this girl for a year of our relationship. you do it right infront of me, harry! and you can’t handle it anymore?” Y/N exclaimed and harry sighed, looking slightly embarrassed as more people started to watch them. “Fine, fuck go be with her! i don’t care” Y/N said wiping the tears off of her cheeks and getting into the car.

“Goodbye, harry”

And a couple of weeks later, harry was with that nice girl. That pretty girl, who was a carbon copy of you - harry figured that out pretty quickly, when they got to know each other more.

They were watching reruns of glee when he got this moment of deja vu. Like he had done this before.

Because he had. With Y/N.

“I love this show” Y/N giggled, her hand in harrys hair. Harry nodded agreeing as they watched the new directions so a performance again, this time tina and mercedes were leading the group.

“Y’know you don’t have to pretend to like it, we can change the channel if you want?” Y/N offered and Harry shook his head quickly and blushed. “No, i like it. Could make a good band name, no? New direction, one direction?” Harry teased and you giggled.

“Huh. You’re more of gleek than i am”

“i hate this show” The nice girl said changing the channel, before harry could speak up. Instead of disagreeing with her, he just nodded and kissed the side of her head. He liked glee.

Other times of this deja vu stuff, it was really honest mistakes. Like, nearly calling her Y/N’s name. You were just on his mind, it was nothing serious. He missed the car, that’s all. He also missed the strawberry ice cream and the late night chats under the malibu sky. So he took her there. He put billy joels, ‘uptown girl’ on the radio and grinned when she sang to it. She wasn’t as care free as Y/N though. Y/N had her own shrine of billy joel, her dad is absolutely obsessed with the man and passed that on to Y/N.

Of course, harry had heard of billy joel but had only listened to his most famous songs. Y/N introduced to him to the real billy joel, it was their thing. Listening to billy joel in Y/N’s basement after a long shift, harry would lay his head on her stomach as Y/N sang to vienna or sometimes harry would pull her up and dance around to piano man. He missed that so much.

The chorus of ‘uptown girl’ came on and harry looked over at the nice girl, he now calls his own.

“I love you” He said and she stopped singing and placed a hand on his knee.

Y/N did that. Had her hands all over him.

“I love you too” The nice girl hummed and Harry sighed, now getting another sense of deja vu.

“Did you see Harry and that girl together, Y/N?” Sarah, her new shift buddy asked. Y/N had seen them together, the nice girl that harrys with likes to post everything on social media. Y/N sees the traded jackets, the billy joel, the i love you’s in malibu, the strawberry ice cream. Y/N wondered if the girl laughed at harry because of how annoying he was during glee, or when he puts a jacket on way too small for him, or when they sing in the car. Does he steal Y/N jokes, like he stole everything else?

“Yeah, i did. Seem like a nice couple” Y/N said with a smile. Sarah, only knowing her a couple days, thought nothing of it. Y/N was breaking inside, she literally felt her heart break in two everytime she thought of the two.

How could harry just replace Y/N like that?

“I’d like to be an actress” The nice girl said licking her strawberry ice cream. Harrys eyes widened, deja vu. Y/N had told him, just before they started dating that she was going to be the next meryl streep - why she chose meryl streep, he’ll never know. Y/N has always wanted to be an actress. She had done a few jobs here and there, and always got the main part in plays and musicals. Being an actress is Y/N’s things.

“That’s great” Harry said supporting a forced grin. The nice girl didn’t think anything of it. Y/N wouldn’t known something was wrong.

A different girl, but nothings new.

Harry had to get away. Away from the nice girl who had ruined Y/N and Harrys relationship. So he went to the ice cream parlour. He knew Y/N was working with sarah, mitch is one of his closest friends and he’s dating sarah — so after some digging and prodding, he got the info he needed and set off to town. Without her. Harry dropped her off at her apartment, made up some lame excuse of not feeling well and needed to rest. Y/N would’ve offered soup, the nice girl just said get well soon and closed the apartment door in his face. It was too easy. It shouldn’t be that easy to lie to her, it was never like that with Y/N. Harry couldn’t lie to Y/N for the life of him, even around birthdays or christmas. He sucked at keeping secrets and telling fibs.

“Welcome to All things nice, how may i help you!” Y/N’s voice rang out as she was cleaning out the sink. The bell had notified her, that a customer was in the shop. She just didn’t know that customer was her ex boyfriend.

“Are we able to talk?” Harry asked wringing his hands. Y/N quickly turned around, almost bashing her head into the shelf. Her eyes were wide and her heart broke, again. She could barley handle the instagram posts. She can’t handle harry in real life. Not after what he did. Maybe if it was a mutual break up - but it really was not a mutual break up.

“I’m sorry, we don’t serve that” Y/N snapped pushing the spoons into a drawer. Harry flinched and nodded placing his hands in his back pockets. “Ok, i deserved that” he mumbled. He just needed to explain, just five minutes.

“Please, Y/N. i just need to explain” Harry pleaded, sounding proper desperate. Y/N couldn’t help but feel anger and sadness as she listened to harry beg for her time. She just couldn’t believe he was back so quick, so early in his new relationship.

“What do you possibly need to explain” Y/N asked dropping the spoons and looking at harry over the ice cream. It was rather cliche, really.

“You dumped me, because i pointed out that a girl - by the way, i was right - was coming onto you. I just needed reassurance, harry. That you wouldn’t cheat, that you wouldn’t leave me!” you exclaimed and harry nodded. “I just needed that. and i’m really glad that you dumped me. because we obviously weren’t meant for each other” Y/N said continuing her clean up.

“We are meant to be” Harry said. “We’re Y/N and harry” he said, his voice breaking. Y/N almost felt bad.

“No. You’re in a relationship. You say i love you, to her. You sing billy joel and swap jackets. You eat strawberry ice cream with her for fuck sakes harry” Y/N yelled, pulling at her hair. Harry sniffled and nodded. “I know, I know” he mumbled.

“Do you get deja vu?” Y/N asked “hmm?” she asked again when she didn’t get an answer.

“Thought so”

[tlou-1]

Joel Miller x Reader (Home) Chapter 20

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6| Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13| Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 TBA

Chapter 20 - Joel still hasn't returned from patrol, you set off after him and what you find is beyond what you could have worried about. 

You look at the clock again, 11:15 and still Joel wasn’t back. You had been pacing the kitchen with Patrick playing at your feet, Joel was over an hour late. Another half an hour passed and you couldn’t sit in the house any longer. You picked up Patrick and made your way to Maria’s post for the day in town, “Maria it’s been two hours and none of them are back. Looks at the clouds out there, somethings wrong I can just feel it” You plead with her but she just says they have probably bunkered down with the snow, “and nothing on the radio either?” You ask, she shakes her head. Right that settled it, you turned and made your way to your sisters. Before Molly could greet you as she opened the door you began “Joel has been out since dark this morning and still isn’t back. I need you to take Patrick for me”, you try to hand him to her but she says “No”, there is a pause for a moment “No? What do you mean No, Molly I really need” but she interrupts you by grabbing a jacket and locking her door, “Because I am coming with you. We can drop him off at the day care”. 

You and Molly try to sneak into the stables to retrieve a horse each but of course Maria had you sussed and was waiting for you. “Maria I need to go out there, I know it sounds crazy but I have a bad feeling” you argue.

“You’re right, it does sound crazy“ she responds, she was always so set on rules. 

“Do you know what, maybe it does but it’s your husband out there as well. Tell me you aren’t worried about them being out there with no sleep, in a blizzard with reports of hoards of infected. I am more capable than most folk in this town and I am going out there” you say sternly close to her face and she knew you were not going to budge.

“Okay” she concedes and proceeds to pass you the reigns of the horse and your bag back filled with your gear. “I cant spare many folks to go out with you, Jesse, Dina and Ellie are already out there you can meet them at one of the posts” she explains. Jesus now your worry turned to them but your line of thought is interrupted by the radio, it was Jesse. “Maria, Tommy and Joel didn’t show to trade off” he explained. You take the radio from Maria, “Jesse its Y/N, where were they patrolling? Can you get, Ellie and Dina and meet me there?” You ask, he agrees to your plan. Your sister in laws body language had changed during the exchange.

“We need to go now” you shout to Molly as your get on your horse and take off. Behind you Molly is following and Maria had saddled up obviously now sharing in your worry. 

The wind and snow was harsh and whipped at your face as you rode ahead as fast as the horse would carry you, you must have been not far behind Ellie now. Neither Joel or Tommy’s had been at their post but their tracks had led you to a Chalet you had visited a couple of times on patrols. As you approached closer you could see more than two sets of tracks, they were disrupted slightly from the storm but there was defiantly a number of different footprints, other people were here. You had to be smart about this, the rest of the guys were still a bit behind you. You move into the building as quietly as possible and have to take out one guy standing watch at a patio door, he had a fresh cut right across his face. If anyone finds him they will know someone else is here, you had to move swiftly. As soon as enter the lodge you can hear cries of pain, guttural cries. It makes your stomach churn, you were right to have had a bad feeling. One more girl is pacing in the kitchen, you silence her by taking your small knife down on her. It had been a number of years since you had taken the life of a living person but you didn’t hesitate after hearing those cries.  

You follow the cries to a narrow staircase with a door at the bottom of it, you could feel your heart in you mouth as you took each step closer to the door. You peer through the slight crack and see a group of unfamiliar people and a figure standing above a bloody one. You take a breath remember where each person was standing, attach your silencer and pushing open the door quietly, you take out the three people closest to the door, one dead ahead the other two to your right side. You were still one of the best shots without a doubt, maybe just as good as Tommy. There were three left by the time they realised what had happened and your presence, a young man standing next to a women with cropped dark hair and a large women standing above the bloody figure, it was Joel along with Ellie and Tommy unconscious. 

The man goes to grab a pistol, lying next to the body of one of the men you just shot and without hesitation you reach round to your backpack pocket. Thank god it was still there. 

“Don’t any of you fucking move, or I will blow up everyone of us in this room” you spit out as you hold the grenade in their sight. They each stop in their tracks and the large girl standing above your husband loosens her grip on club. Joel tires to speak but barely a sound escapes his lips.

“You’re bluffing, why would y-“ she begins. 

“Try me”, you challenge her and there is a long pause “You let them go… you leave here and everyone gets to walk away from this or every single one of us just end it here”. This was madness but what other chance had you got, either way the people you loved could wind up dead, the only thing to stop these strangers was the threat of loosing their own lives and if it meant you went with them, so be it. 

“No, not him, not after what he did.” The girl lifted the club but you jump in “What ever he did, I am walking out of here with him, our daughter and that other man alive or none of us are” 

“He took everything from us! Killed my father, ruined any chance of a cure” the women says lowly shaking her head. 

“You’re fireflies?” You ask looking around at them but you already know the answer from what she had said. 

“Were. There are none, left he made sure of that. Killed most of us.” She answers. You speak without thinking, a stupid thing to do. 

“I don’t blame him… Protecting her, I would have done the same. They were going to butcher the brain of a child, our daughter for the smallest chance of cure. If that’s the price for a potential cure and humanity were so eager and willing to pay it, we didn’t deserve it. I know that much.”

She looks like she has seen red and goes to lift the club again but before she can send it crashing down one of the fireflies, the man stops her and you have pulled the pin on the grenade keeping your finger firmly pressed on the clip as he intervenes.

“Abby stop! She is going to kill all of us” he pleads with her looking between Abby and the women behind him with cropped dark hair that he called Mel. Your hand is shaking from your firm grip on the clip. 

“Are you insane?” The man asked, “When it comes to my family, yes” You reply looking down at Joel and Ellie. 

“Figures, crazy man, crazy wife” scoffs the other woman says looking between you and Joel.

“Don’t fucking touch him. I am giving you all a chance, take it. If I let go of this clip, dead or alive it only takes two seconds for this thing to go off”. You try sounding as calm as possible and it seems to pay off but inside your terrified more than you had ever been. In your head you pray, you had never prayed in your life, for them to leave, for the woman to put down the club, for them not to shoot you, for this bomb to be a dud like Joel had said but for them to not find out it was. 

You can hear commission from upstairs as the rest of the search party have caught up with you, you had bought all the time you needed. Owen grabs Mel by the arm and leaves through garage door. 

“You should go with your friends”

Abby looks torn for a moment her eyes fixed on Joel before she flings the golf club to her side and takes off, on horse back alongside her friends but you felt this part of the past would rear its ugly head again. 

As soon as it sounds clear you carefully place the pin back in the grenade and fall to the floor, guess you will never know if it was a dud or you almost killed everyone in this room. Ellie is still breathing but bruised, you look across at Tommy, the same. Your husband, you crawl across to Joel, the ground around him covered in blood you can feel it soaking your jeans. 

“Jesus, Joel can you hear me?” you say softly, tears in your eyes from the sight of him. His right eye swollen, strips of blood pouring down his face from a couple gashes he had taken on the head. You were worried to touch him in case it caused any more pain, it was hard to look at him like this.

“You got to stay with me, you cant leave me, you hear? You promised” you cry just as Maria, Jesse, Dina and Molly enter the room.

“Holy Fuck” Jesse whispers. You beg them to help Joel, Dina checks on Ellie who is starting to gain consciousness along with Tommy. 

“The storm has almost passed, Jesse and Dina find something we can make a stretcher out of. We can strap it to one of the horses and pull him back”. Maria says at her husbands side, it was the best anyone could do in the dead of winter. No one even thought about going after the remaining three strangers, what was important was the three people who each of you loved in this room.

You rode behind Jesse who’s horse is pulling Joel the entire trip, he sometimes groans or shifts and all you want to do is ask to stop and let him rest but there was no time for it, you had to get back as swiftly as possible. As soon as you arrive back in Jackson men are there to carry Joel’s stretcher into the surgery, you follow behind asking Dr Henry if he would be okay. She didn’t respond focusing solely on Joel, she tells you to stay in the hallway and when you start to protest and push forward Jesse is there pulling you back and when you stop fighting him into a hug. You finally let out a cry from everything, the horror of what you had seen, what you had almost done and at the thought of your husband’s life still hanging in the balance. Everything goes to black for a moment. 

*NOTES - I have to say I found this one pretty difficult to write so I apologise if it doesn't land as well as the other chapters. There is just so much that happens. I have decided to deviate slightly from the game, we have all seen the dark ending for Joel in the game so lets try something different 

[layce2015]

The Last of Us Part 2 (Joel Miller x Reader)

What If (y/n) Died pt. 3

The Last of Us Part 2 Masterlist

Joel was able to fix the radio and started to listen to the transmissions that was going on between the WLF. He knows he should be resting but even if he tried he'd still get no rest as everytime he closed his eyes, he would see her bashed in head. It had been weeks since the event happened but it still felt like it was yesterday when he danced and reminisced with her about their wedding.

So he sat and listened through the radio and decipher their conversation and look through the map Ellie found when they first got there. He also flipped through the pictures of Abby and her group that they found when they went to the TV station and tried to listen for their names. He had it mostly figured out when Ellie came in to check up on him. "Have you even slept?" She asked him, concerned. "Couldn't sleep." He mutters as he looks through the map and listens to the transmission.

"How'd you get it to work?" Ellie asked, gesturing at the radio. "Just a loose connection was all that was wrong with it. Antenna." He replied and she gives a slight nod. "Anything about Abby?" Ellie asked him. "No, not yet." Joel replied then a voice comes through talking about a lone male shooter in an old suburb area that was not far from this theater. The two share a look then they get up, grab their bags and head out.

The two traveled over and fought off many WLF soldiers and found out that the lone male trespasser was actually Jesse. "What the hell are you doing here?" Joel asked him after he pulls the two into safety. "You think I'd let you guys do this on your own?" Jesse asked them. "Please tell me Dina didn't come with you." Ellie said, worried. "No, she stayed to help Matia watch Ethan and Aiden." Jesse replied. "I'm alone." 

"Oh God." Ellie groans and Joel sighs at this. "Hey, give me shit about it later." Jesse said then he shows the two a truck he spotted nearby. Then three took out some soldiers, stole the keys and climbed in the truck. 

Jesse started the truck just as more soldier came in. Joel and Ellie then started to fire at the oncoming threat as Jesse swerved their way around the neighborhood until they ran into some infected. They fired at them and killed as many as they could until Jesse drives them into a lake and they crash into it, climbed out of the truck and swam back up to the surface.

Once they made it out, safely, the three made their way back to the theater and began to rest for the afternoon, or at least Ellie and Jesse did. Joel still stayed up and listened to the radio transmission to hear about any of Abby's people.

Eventually, something interesting came up. Joel overheard a transmission about a woman, Nora, and her unit were  assigned to a hospital and they were packing up their stuff and getting ready to leave. Joel stands up and grabs his bag then starts to walk put of the room and down towards the front door. 

Ellie noticed him leaving and she goes over to him. "Where you going?" She asked him. "Got a lead to the hospital. This girl, Nora, is there and I have to get to her before they leave cause their packing up and leaving soon." Joel replied. "I wanna come with you." Ellie said and Joel looks her over.

"What about Jesse?" Joel asked her. "I'll let him know and he can stay here and rest." Ellie said and Joel nods. Ellie goes to tell Jesse their plan and her and Joel head out.

It was a long walk but they eventually made it to the hospital. And all it took was to fight their way through infected and the new factions, the Seraphites, which they knew the WLF were fighting. But they made it and snuck their way through until they finally found Nora, and even better she was alone.

"Don't scream." Ellie ordered as her and Joel aim their guns at her. She stops and looks over at them, shocked, then Joel gesture at her with his gun. "Put that shit down." He said, firmly, and she sets the box down then turns to them, her hands raised up.

"You remember us?" Ellie asked her and Nora looks at her and a look of recognition flashes across her face. "Yeah...you remember us." Ellie said, in a soft growl. "What do you want?" Nora asked us. "Where is Abby?" Joel asked, in a low voice.

"I don't know." Nora replied and Ellie takes a couple steps forward, her gun still trained on Nora. "You two shoot me... the sound will have every solider come running." She said, who flinched back a bit. "You'll still be dead." Joel growls.

Nora looks between them. "We coulda killed you two." She said. "Maybe you should have." Joel mutters in anger. "Or maybe you should've stayed the fuck out of Jackson." Ellie said, angrily.

"Where is Abby?" Joel asked, angrily, as he stepped forward, aiming his gun at her, she flinches back. "Do you still hear her screams?" Nora asked, making Ellie and Joel stop in their tracks. "What?" They said, confused. "I still hear them. Every night...." Nora said, shakily, and Joel tightens his grip on his revolver.

Then Nora starts to stand up a little bit taller and glares at them. "Yeah...yeah, that little bitch got what she deserved. And you, old man, should've died with her." She said, in a firmer voice, and anger flared in Joel's chest. Nora tried to attack him but Joel was able to stop her and knocks her out. 

Joel and Ellie share a look before they pick her up and take her into a different part of the building. They tie Nora up to a chair once they found a room that was away from prying eyes and listening ears.

Once Nora woke up, Joel began to interrogate her on Abby's whereabouts. At first, she wouldn't give any information until Joel started to use his tactic of interrogation, which of course was using violence. He found a pipe nearby and used it on Nora to get her to talk.

Every hit the pipe made, Nora would cry out in pain but Joel didn't care. This woman helped on the death of his wife.

Ellie, on the other hand, was startled on how violent Joel was becoming. She has seen him do horrible stuff but this was going over the edge as she watched in shock and horror as Nora's face was becoming bruised, bloody and busted. Which it weirdly reminded Ellie about (y/n)'s face when she died. 

This made a conflict within Ellie, one one hand Nora deserves this but on the other hand she wasn't the one who swung the club at (y/n). And Ellie started to wonder if this was worth it and she began to worry about Joel.

Eventually, Nora told Joel and Ellie where Abby was hiding so the two made it back to the theater. Joel knocks on the door and Jesse opens it and lets them in. Joel tells Jesse about the information that Nora gave them while Ellie glances at them then she walks off, upset. 

Joel noticed this and gave a worried look towards her as he talks to Jesse about their next plan. After he talked to Jesse, Joel sighs at this then starts to walk over to the theater and picks up the guitar and starts to play, trying to keep his mind busy.

Jesse walked over to Joel, who had fallen asleep in the theater chair after he finished playing guitar, and starts to wake him up. Joel wakes up and looks up at him, Jesse tells him that as far as he knows Tommy hasn't found Abby but that the three of them should make their way to the aquarium in case he makes it there.

Joel agrees and the two men go to the lobby area and meet up with Ellie before the three head out.

They make their way through the city when they see a Ferris Wheel some distance away. Ellie shows them that the aquarium is right next to it and they make their way to it. After fighting some infected and a few soldiers, they make it to this old mall area where they overhear some of the soldiers talking about a sniper. Some of the soldiers left to go help out with the sniper problem while Joel, Ellie and Jesse make their way up on the upper floors of the mall.

Joel noticed them using boats and got the idea that they need that boat to get to the aquarium. Joel turns to the two and was about to go over the plan on stealing that boat when Jesse said. "They're talking about Tommy. We have to go save him."

"Okay, well you two go ahead. I'm going to the aquarium." Joel tells them and Ellie furrows her brow at this. "What? You've got to be kidding me, Joel? We've got to get Tommy and get out of here." She said. "He'd probably be gone by the time we get there." Joel said and Ellie gives him a confused look.

"Look, the best way to help Tommy, is by going after Abby..." Joel said, determined. "Are you kidding me, Joel?" Ellie asked, angrily. "Yeah, man. This is fucked up. I mean, thats your brother out there." Jesse said and Joel looks between then before he lets out an exasperated sigh.

"You two listen to me...." he started to say but Ellie shakes her head. "No, Joel, I'm done listening! We are going to get to Tommy and start making our way back to Jackson." Ellie said. "No, we're not!" Joel said, his voice rising in anger. Then he gives a harsh look to Ellie. "I thought you wanted to help me?" He asked.

"I did, but after everything I've seen....I'm starting to wonder if this is worth it." She said then Joel scoffs at this. "Whatever....you two can go after Tommy, I'll make my way to the aquarium." He said and he starts to turn to leave but Ellie grabs his arm.

"Joel, why the hell are you so determined to go after Abby? I mean, I know she killed (y/n) but...is this really worth it?" Ellie asked and Joel turns back to her, sharply. "Yes!" He said, roughly. "Why? You're gonna get yourself killed!" She said. "Because it's all my fault!" Joel yells and Ellie's eyes widen at this.

Joel let's out a heavy sigh before he said. "I failed her. I failed to protect her." He looks down and closed his eyes, trying to keep back the oncoming tears. "Joel, it's not your fault. You did all that you could." Jesse said but Joel shakes his head.

"It was suppose to be me...that woman was about to shoot my leg, but (y/n)....s-she pushed me out of the way and got hit instead." Joel said, shakily. "She wanted to protect you." Ellie said, softly, but Joel shook his head again. "It was my job to protect her, I promised her that. And I failed her." He said then he looks back towards the two as a tear runs down his face.

"So I'm going after Abby...to avenge (y/n). If you guys don't want to come with me then that's fine, just meet up with me at the aquarium." Joel said and Ellie gives him a sad look. "Well, I hope you make it." Ellie said then she walks over to Jesse and the two start to head for the marina and Joel goes down to grab a boat and make his way to the aquarium.

[dancedance-resolution]

i was tagged by @c-nan for this interests tag game :) thank you for the tag <3

MUSIC Favorite Genres: some modern day pop (like taylor swift and olivia rodrigo) and not-depressing-alternative (like florence welsh and hozier), 70s pop/rock, romantic era and later classical music, jazz standards (like ella fitzgerald and nat king cole)

Favorite Artists: abba, billy joel, donna summer, ella fitzgerald, fleetwood mac, florence welsh, the guess who, hozier, nat king cole, ola gjielo, olivia rodrigo, the orion experience (but only for cosmiccandy), stevie wonder, sugarloaf, taylor swift, and a lot more!

Favorite Song: oh gosh i have so many, but for now i'll say: treacherous by taylor swift

Most Listened to Song Lately: we built this city on rock and roll by starship

Song Currently Stuck in my Head: the day before you came by abba

Five Favorite Lyrics:

just. the entirety of treacherous by taylor swift.

dress in love, she lives for life to be / green-eyed lady feels life i never see (green-eyed lady by sugarloaf)

address the letters to the holes in my butterfly wings / and when the clouds won't iron out / when the monsters creep into your house / well, i hope you know how proud i am you were created (hope ur ok by olivia rodrigo)

the autumn chill that wakes me up / you loved the amber skies so much / long limbs and frozen swims / you'd always go past where our feet could touch / and i complained the whole way there / the car ride back and up the stairs / i should've asked you questions / i should've asked you how to be / asked you to write it down for me / should've kept every grocery store receipt / cause every scrap of you would be taken from me / watched as you signed your name marjorie / all your closets of backlogged dreams / and how you left them all to me / what died didn't stay dead / what died didn't stay dead / you're alive, you're alive in my head / and if i didn't know better / i'd think you were singing to me now (marjorie by taylor swift)

hey, look up / you don't have to be a ghost / here among the living / you are flesh and blood / and you deserve to be loved / and you deserve what you are given (third eye by florence + the machine)

radio or your own playlist | solo artists or bands | pop or indie | loud or quiet volume | slow or fast songs | music video or lyric video | speakers or headset | riding a bus in silence or while listening to music | driving in silence or with radio on

BOOKS

Favorite Book Genre: niche non-fiction! and fic <3

also gonna add my Favorite Fic Tropes/Tags: hurt/comfort, slow burn, fake dating, roomates au, there was only one bed!, college au, enemies to lovers, idiots (pining) to idiots (togther), established relationship, sports au, royalty au, fantasy au, friends to lovers, and many more!

Favorite Writers: marguerite bennett

Favorite Fic Writers: ayeti, bigmamallama5, coffeeshib, drfitzmonster, ekingston, jazzfordshire, littlemousejelly, lovedandliked, robie, searidings, shipsandglitter, takarter, wtfoctagon, you_get_to_exhale_now_cyrus, zedpm, and so many more!!

Favorite Books: the poet x by elizabeth acevedo, 1984 by george orwell, rebecca by daphne du murier

Favorite Book Series: the babysitters club by ann m martin, the mother-daughter book club by heather vogel frederick, mercy watson by kate dicamillo

Comfort Book: robie's wedding date au

Perfect Book to Read on a Rainy Day: jazz's 70s au

Favorite Characters: the second mrs de winter (rebecca), mercy watson (mercy watson)

Five Quotes From Your Favorite Books:

mi boca no puede escribir una bandera blanca, nunca será un verso de biblio. mi boca no puede formarse el lamento que tú dices tú y dios merecen. tú dices que todo esto es culpa de mi boca. porque tenía hambre, porque era callada. pero, ¿y la boca tuya? cómo tus labios son grapas que me perforan rápido y fuerte. y las palabras que nuna dije quedan mejor muertas en mi lengua porque solamente hubieran chocado contra la puerta cerrado de tu espalda. tu silencio amuelba una casa oscura. pero aun que riesgo de quemarse, la maripose nocturna siempre busca la luz. (the poet x by elizabeth acevedo)

but if thought corrupts language, language can also corrupt thought. (1984 by george orwell)

but by degrees the flood of music drove all speculations out of his mind. it was as though it were a kind of liquid stuff that poured all over and got mixed up with the sunlight that filtered through the leaves. he stopped thinking and merely felt. the girl's waist in the bend of his arm was soft and warm. he pulled her round so that they were breast to breast; her body seemed to melt into his. wherever his hands moved it was as yielding as water. their mouths clung together. (1984)

but you could not have pure love or pure lust nowadays. no emotion was pure...their embrace had been a battle, the climax a victory. it was a blow struck against the party. it was a political act. (1984) (this quote is so gay lol.)

he did not stir, because julia was sleeping with her head in the crook of his arm. most of her makeup had transferred itself to his own face or bolster, but a light stain of rouge still brought out the beauty of her cheekbone. a yellow ray from the sinking sun fell across the foot of the bed and lighted up the fireplace, where the water in the pan was boiling fast. down in the yard the woman had stopped singing, but the faint shouts of children floated in from the street. he wondered vaguely whether in the abolished past it had been a normal experience to lie in bed like this, in the cool of a summer evening, a man and a woman with no clothes on, making love when they choose, talking of what they choose, not feeling any compulsion to get up, simply lying there and listening to peaceful sounds outside. (1984)

hardcover or paperback | buy or rent | standalone novels or book series | ebook or physical copy | read at night or during the day | reading at home or in nature | listening to music while reading or in silence | reading in order or reading the ending first | reliable or unreliable narrator | realism or fantasy | one or multiple POVs | judging by the covers or by summaries | rereading or just once

TV AND MOVIES

Favorite TV/Movie Genre: .........ones with actractive actors...

Favorite Movies: pretty woman, muppets from space

Comfort Movie: i don't really watch movies that often lol. i find them hard to get into since they're so short

Movie You Watch Every Year: the year without a santa claus

Favorite TV Shows: supergirl, batwoman, legends of tomorrow, parks and rec, the good place, veronica mars, andi mack, diary of a future president, arthur, word girl, closer to truth, martha speaks, cyberchase, curious george, the king of queens, and probably more that i'm forgetting!

Comfort TV Show: the king of queens, arthur, parks and rec

Most Rewatched TV Show: the king of queens, martha speaks, word girl, cyberchase, parks and rec

Five Favorite Characters:

kara zor-el

veronica mars

leslie knope

zari tomaz

lena luthor

tv shows or movies | short seasons (8-13 episodes) or full seasons (22 episodes or more) | one episode a week or binging | one season or multiple seasons | one part or saga | half hour or one hour long episodes | subtitles on or off | rewatching or watching just once | downloads or watches online

this was really fun to do fhsdhfkd. tagging anyone who wants to try this!

[batmansymbol]

spoilery thoughts on the marvelous mrs. maisel season 3

oh. oh. my Fictionalized!Lenny-obsessed heart. his jokes are so good. his physicality is so endearing. i am crushing so hard. i am going to reblog gifs of every scene in episode five.

i REALLY wish they had just made him a fictional famous comedian instead of, you know, Lenny Bruce, because i think the writers are slowly realizing midge has way more chemistry with him than anyone else, but they can’t wind up together because he was a real person.

the writers did it! they made me like joel again!! i was so annoyed with him during season 2, but we’re back!!! crazy what can happen when a character has an objective and exhibits appealing personality traits

but why, why, is the show still determined to give abe and rose long, protracted, uninteresting subplots?! midge’s parents are ONLY interesting when they’re onscreen with midge. no exceptions.

seriously, what the hell was with the rose’s trust fund subplot??? “abe lost his job, so we’re broke!” “just kidding, we’re not broke; there’s a trust fund we’ve been pulling from!” “but now i have pulled out of the trust fund because of Pride and Feminism, so we’re broke again!” y’all could have just left them broke in the beginning, cut out the middleman, and subsequently, this totally inert subplot.

and the activist newspaper?! fuming. not even gonna get started on that nonsense.

i loved the trajectory of Sophie’s show. actually, i loved everything involving Susie this season. Alex Borstein is a GIFT from GOD and we do NOT deserve her.

can we please at some point acknowledge that she’s not straight tho?? please???? ever?????

speaking of queer things

what happened to Shy in the last episode made me so sad. on one hand, it’s written well as a genuine misunderstanding. and it’s written well overall: as midge did that final set, i felt myself moving slowly outside her perspective. i heard the set from Shy’s point of view and it gutted me!! can you imagine one of the only people you trusted, maybe the person you’ve trusted most ever (given that Shy told Midge his real name, which he hasn’t even told Reggie), basically outing you onstage in front of thousands of people? making jokes about effeminate gayness when he isn’t even an effeminate man? obviously midge is supposed to be clueless sometimes (eg when she says in horror, ”he called me a ‘white girl’!”), but watching that set felt like one of those terrible epiphanies where you realize what someone’s thought of you all along. as if the second she found out the truth, the only thing she could think to joke about when it came to him was his sexuality, and not little foibles like she lampoons in everyone else.

overall, i’m torn. part of me wishes it hadn’t happened because it just... felt bad to see. at the same time, i’m intrigued that they’d show midge’s cluelessness actually doing damage. in reality, so often, people don’t get permanently hurt out of malice, just obliviousness or miscommunication, and that doesn’t show up onscreen nearly as often.

in fact, the whole last episode seemed to show midge’s flaws in a way we’ve never really dealt with: the revelation of how much she hurt benjamin, and then possibly ruining the life and reputation of a real friend. it’s highly unusual for this show. i'd love to see the writers engage with this further and show her, idk, growing and changing from these experiences, but i honestly don’t know if they will?

which is a bit frustrating to watch! that whole tirade of susie’s about how sophie isn’t brave but midge is, because midge refused to do that live radio commercial for, basically, an alt-right politician? i feel like the idea of her bravery or principles actually could have been driven home, if at the end of that last episode, midge had voluntarily given the rest of her tour openings to moms mabley because she realized she’d gotten preferential treatment, or something. that would have demonstrated real character in the way susie was talking about, and no outing scene necessary.

anyway. shy deserved better. i don’t really want to watch the show without him. and here i was all hopeful for a happy ending where reggie realized he was in love with shy or something. :(

still, i really loved Reggie in that final scene. obviously i’m not going to prescribe what story they ‘should’ have told, and given what they chose to do, it all felt realistic, Reggie insulating Shy from Midge after she hurt him. but i wonder if them flying off into the night will be the show’s pretext for writing Shy off and letting Midge go unchanged.

i don’t think the show is trying to go too deeply into this, but there’s something interesting to me in the idea of comedy as something that strips away your desire to grow as a person. rose brushes against that concept in her final confrontation, saying she doesn’t want to laugh at people’s flaws and misfortunes. if midge keeps fucking up and fucking up and never grows, only jokes about her defects (or displays her defects through jokes), that suggests her persona is closing around her, locking her into those flaws; it suggests you can’t actually exorcise your demons onstage, only define them more and more clearly. what does it do to a person when they splay open their worst feelings and are rewarded by the crowd for it every night. what a disincentive to get better and to be better.

to conclude: fictional lenny bruce is hot in a suit. time to queue up gifs.

[hollenka99]

The One Where More People Die

Summary: Marvin confronts Anti and learns something he wishes he hadn’t.

Warnings: Mentions of death, murder and manipulation

Marvin is apprehensive when he approaches the door. He honestly shouldn't be involving his brother in his superhero issues. Still, he was hopeful Sean would talk sense into him. The meeting proceeds as usual with coffee and chatter on the sofa. Marvin takes advantage of a natural lull in conversation.

"If I kill Anti, will you forgive me?"

He has never seen such a double take of this magnitude. "Marv, that's- fuck. You know I've always got your back as your brother but holy shit. You can't just dump that question on me."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I just... I've been fighting this guy for years and he won't stop. Desperate times, desperate measures, you know?"

Sean places both his hands on Marvin's shoulders. "Listen to me, you are being super irrational right now. I get that you are extremely done with him, I do. But can you even hear yourself at the moment? Please tell me you can."

"One guy to s-"

"Oh no, we are not going there. Don't you dare start bringing these morality thought experiments into the conversation. This isn't some hypothetical situation, Marvin. This is real life. You are talking about killing an actual person. An extremely shitty person but still. I obviously can't speak from experience but I don't have to when I say it will fuck you up for a very long time. I am begging you, don't get your hands dirty. Hang on."

Sean abruptly heads to a mirror to scrutinise himself. When he goes to face his brother, he looks like a bootleg version of Anti. The hair's not long enough or the right shade of green. Nor is his skin as pallid as the true killer's. Also, Anti's ears seemed to be slightly pointed at the top, which Sean is probably not aware of. Still, for someone who has never seen Anti in person before, it's a decent attempt.

"Find a way to arrest me and get me to rot in jail. After all I've done, don't you think I deserve to?"

Marvin has stopped looking at his brother. Instead, he is pressing his face into his raised knees at the corner. "Please don't change into him. Come on, pretending to be him is a shitty thing to do."

"Yeah, no, you're... you're right." He returns to the sofa as himself before swinging an arm around Marvin's shoulder to pull him in. This would have to suffice as a conclusion to the subject for now.

----

Jackie is one of the first to witness Marvin's ecstasy when he is able to prevent one of Anti's attacks. It had been a chance encounter while he had been patrolling in the park. Anti's mistake was shifting prematurely. All it took was a small distraction to allow the potential kidnapping victim a chance to escape. Cat hadn't seen where the guy had run off to but at least he was safe. The only bad outcome was Anti disappearing from sight as well. Someone's life had been saved, Jackie encouraged him to focus on that.

Jackie decides to surprise him with cupcakes for when he comes home from a shift. The gesture goes down well. Marvin brings up his recent good deed again as they sample the baked goods. Jackie is really glad to see his friend in a better mood. He's seemed so stressed lately. Marvin won't confirm it but he can tell it's linked to his work as the Magnificent Cat.

Joel drops by to hang out with his Irish friends later on in the week. He certainly does his best to act as he does normally but it is clear something's on his mind. When Jackie temporarily walks outside the building for a smoke, he is surprised to see his friend follow him. They make small talk for a couple minutes before Jackie delicately questions whether Joel was okay. He reveals there'd been a death in the family, his grandfather. And no, seriously, there's no need to apologise out of sympathy. Joel rambles a little about the man before voicing an odd request. He asks about Jackie's father. Jackie doesn't understand how that will help things but there was no harm in humouring his grieving friend so fuck it. He's slightly taken aback by the fact this causes fresh tears to appear. It gets mentally brushed off as this being a highly emotional time for Joel.

Marvin interrupts the conversation when he calls down from the balcony for them to return already.

"I feel sorry for him. At least I knew this was coming for a while. Shit's going to hit the fan hard for him soon and he has no idea."

Joel doesn't elaborate. Jackie isn't sure he wants him to.

---

Jameson had better things to do on a Tuesday night than deal with his tormenter. Yet here the asshole was, dressed in skinny jeans and a dark t-shirt, leaning against the doorframe. Under different circumstances, perhaps the glowing red light that leaked into the hallway would have been pretty to notice. It's far from it when Jameson's swaying to music with his daughter in his arms gets rudely interrupted.

"Cool, huh? I think our meetings needed a bit of jazzing up. Where's Laura, by the way?"

"None of your concern." The radio transmits.

"Oh, we're doing this via radio?"

"I am holding a baby and I don't trust you to behave long enough for me to put her down. So yes, as much as I hate it, I am using a radio."

"Right. Well, anyway, the reason I'm here is because-"

"I am not your reset button. Fix your problems on your own."

"So you'll let a woman stay dead, knowing full well you could have saved her life?"

"I am not the one who killed her."

Anti does not appear to be impressed with this response. Arms still crossed, he walks in Jameson's direction. As he passes, clearly on the way to the front door, he delivers a side eye to the performer.

"You know the cool thing about having the gene? There's always something you can refine, explore or expand upon when it comes to your abilities. I suggest you keep that in mind."

Despite Anti's absence, Jameson doesn't feel like having fun this evening anymore.

---

Anti clearly wasn't too pleased about something. The news claims it doesn't know who is responsible for bodies showing up with evident trauma to the skull. Honestly, who else could it be? If Marvin's mind wasn't so preoccupied with recent developments, he may have noticed how suspicious it was to receive correspondence from his enemy shortly after venting to Sean about the new murders.

The note delivered personally by the sender to the apartment reads:

Alright Cat, town centre at 3 tomorrow?

Oh definitely. Marvin wouldn't miss this opportunity to end things once and for all if he tried.

Anti was a trickster, he already knew that. If there was somebody he could shift into, he would. And yet Cat was still momentarily shocked to find Jameson waiting for him. It's not him though. He can't exactly tell how he instantly knows but he does. The real Jameson is likely at home right now.

"Alright Anti, what are you trying to prove? You've already made it very clear you've done your research into my personal life. Why my cousin?"

The murderer begins speaking through his hands. "I'm sorry for not telling you sooner."

"No. Jameson can't speak and definitely wouldn't use his sound manipulation to pretend he could. You've been speaking the whole time I've known you. Do your homework more thoroughly before trying to frame him."

"Alright, you got me. Not Jameson. I wanted to have a little fun with it but I guess that's not going to happen."

No, it certainly wasn't. The door bursts open. Wind rushes in. Anti is thrown to the floor. The Magnificent Cat wastes no time ensuring he remains there. Weight on the chest, hand at the throat and fist raised to potentially target the face. A moment passes as Anti processes the rapid succession of events. That's when he resorts to the worst tactic. The person Cat threatens now looks like Sean.

"How dare you." He feels the cheekbone for a second when his knuckle connects with it. "Stop looking like my brother."

"It's me!"

"He is the last person you should shift into if you want me to listen." The nose is targeted.

"Marvin please."

"Shut the fuck up."

"It's me, I swear. It's actually me." Anti is beginning to produce crocodile tears now. As if that would work on Cat.

"Why the hell should I believe you?"

Anti wriggles his fingers. They spark slightly. Cat misses this detail, preoccupied with glowering. He certainly pays attention when Anti causes his own hair to stand as he moves his hands around it. Sean loved performing that trick when they were younger. Oh shit. Marvin rapidly removes himself from his brother.

The situation de-escalated, the two brothers allow themselves to have the past few minutes catch up with them. Marvin sits with his knees up, one arm around them while the other rests on his forehead. Sean, meanwhile, remains on his back while covering his entire face with his hands. His nose is bleeding as a result of the hit. They breathe.

"Are you alright? I'm s-"

"Oh, sure." The hands are moved so they don't obstruct his mouth anymore. Now the heels of them are being pressed into his eyes. "My baby brother just punched me in the face a few times but yeah, doing grand." Arms flopping to the side, Sean turns his head to face Marvin. "But would we be brothers if we didn't have fights?"

"Don't joke about that."

"I'd honestly take being beat up over having a knife aimed at me."

"I'm so sorry. I thought he shifted into you to try get me at a disadvantage. I-"

"Stop. We'll be here all night."

Eyes still springing tears, Sean forces himself to sit upright. Marvin takes this as his cue to strongly embrace his brother. Sean reciprocates the pressure following a moment of surprise. The brothers remain in each other's hold for as long as it takes for tonight's events to truly sink in.

"I want to go home."

Marvin couldn't agree more with that desire. At Sean's apartment, the two of them sit quietly on the sofa. Neither seems to know how to break the silence.

"You don't have to talk. But I wouldn't mind some answers."

"No, you're right. You deserve the truth."

Sean's tale begins when he is 16. One of the other boys from school had been following him home and harassing him. That nuisance combined with the foul weather made him want to get home as soon as possible. While taking a shortcut through a field, Sean had lost his cool and whipped round to confront the kid. All it had been was a shove. Of course, poorly suppressed aggression had to be translated into something. And when you have electricity at your disposal? Those results can prove deadly.

"He was just there on the ground. And I was 16, you know? What the hell do you do when you've just committed manslaughter? Then everyone started talking about it. I had so many opportunities to turn myself in but never did."

"Why didn't you then?"

"You're going to hate me for this but uh... you. Well, you and the fact it had been rough weather that afternoon anyway. No, don't look at me like that. You were like 6 or whatever. As if I was going to leave you alone with our parents just because my powers acted out for a second."

"I kinda remember it being on the news." Marvin mutters numbly. "...You killed someone."

"It gets worse."

As it turned out, Sean had befriended a fellow student called Will Andrews while at university. The two of them had organised a drinking session together. He had gone a little too far that night and unwittingly revealed the secret he'd believed he would take to his grave. Unbeknownst to Sean at the time, Will had the gene. In Will's case, it had manifested in the form of possession. It allowed him to completely take over the individual and, in cases like Sean's, use their power to his advantage. He'd then proceeded to blackmail Sean by threatening to turn him over to the authorities if Will wasn't allowed to have his way.

As Marvin allows himself time to silently process this, he glances at the portrait hanging on the wall. It's a picture of Sean, some 10 years younger and with barely any facial hair, as well as a woman with her black hair plaited past her shoulder. They're both evidently very happy in each other's company. Marvin would hope so, since they were dating. Or, at least, had been before Emily had ended it in the worst way. All Marvin remembers from that night is Sean going out for the evening, Emily coming over with her key and them ending up hanging out until Marvin reluctantly went to bed. Then being informed the next afternoon after school that her body had been found in a nearby river. His brother had been a wreck following what she had done.

"Was Emily alone that night?"

"Don't."

"She wasn't, was she?" It's clear Sean is unable to say 'no' aloud. However, from the way this topic appears to be his breaking point, he doesn't need to.

Marvin doesn't push it. He'd never understood how she could have been so happy while chilling with him then deliberately drown hours later. However, being 13 at the time, he'd simply taken Sean's word that it was a far more complex issue than he likely could grasp.

"This Will guy's been making you kill all this time?"

"Yes." A voice crack within the whisper.

They meld into one from the force of Marvin's arms around him. "I'm so sorry. I wish you would've told me earlier so I could have helped."

"Not your responsibility." is mumbled.

"As if I'm going to let you be upset just because I'm younger. Tell your single braincell that, Zapper."

-----

A man with green hair walks into the nursery. It's a lovely room, the little girl's parents hadn't done a bad job when preparing for her arrival. The majority of the walls are light blue, white clouds dotted about. Hardly a masterpiece but he's sure the 10 month old didn't mind too much. Little Freya had been peacefully dozing in her crib until he'd approached. Ah, even while sleeping, she proved to be her father's daughter. She begins stirring as she is lifted. Anti ensures her senses give her no reason not to settle. Still, that baby monitor wasn't purchased for no reason.

As if on cue, Jameson comes cautiously speed-walking through the door. His anxiety rapidly morphs into contempt.

"Sorry to disappoint, it's just me."

"Get out of my house."

"How about... no. Or at least, not yet."

Baby in his arms, he makes himself comfortable in the armchair positioned in the corner.

"A man repeatedly breaks into your house and now is holding your child. You're awfully calm for someone in this situation."

"You are in no way a threat to her."

"Oh really? I could do it. Just a few seconds and I'll be giving you my condolences."

"We both know you're not going to."

"You're really prepared to call my bluff in this situation? Somehow, I don't think you're stupid enough to risk your daughter's life."

"I'd simply rewind a few minutes."

"What about this afternoon?"

"Oh for the love of god."

"Marvin caught me off guard and it ended with me giving him a bullshit story. Obviously, he can't know any version of the truth."

"No."

"Jamie-"

The performer holds his hand upright. "How many times must I say 'no'? If he knows any part of the truth then good. He deserves to stay safe from your deception."

"Tried to frame you today, you know. He's thankfully too smart for that trick. But could you imagine if it had worked? Dozens of counts of murder will land you a whole life order. If they found you guilty, there's no minimum term. It's not like you'll re-enter society when she's in her 20s. No, you'll be there until you keel over."

"There is no evidence. I can't be convicted."

"But Anti's been seen at countless crime scenes. By none other than the guy who frequently collaborates with the police. You'd certainly be a suspect if he chose to talk."

"Then I would explain the shapeshifting serial killer has decided to use an innocent and well loved performer as his scapegoat."

The light suspended from the ceiling flickers. The disturbance increases speed until the lightbulb can't take the abuse any longer. Jameson simply sighs, fighting the urge to roll his eyes or facepalm to emphasise his thoughts on this display. Time halts. Extracting Freya from Anti's arms is relatively easy. As soon as he touches her and wills it, she exists outside of time with her father. A safe distance from the man, his daughter safely in her crib as she should be, Jameson grants Anti the privilege of being freed from a temporal limbo.

"Grow up already." He glowers. "I am done with this little 'partnership' of ours. We both know you would never intentionally harm me or Freya. And don't you dare even consider laying a hand on Laura."

Anti puts his hands in the air so they are parallel to his head. "Alright, I get the message."

"Tell Marvin the truth. The real truth."

"Like hell I'll do something so stupid."

"Either you tell him or I will."

"We both know I would never risk him walking out of my life."

"The truth will come out eventually and it will be better if it comes from you. As for people leaving your life, well... I would have physically distanced myself long ago if there were not things keeping me rooted here."

"Really?"

This is evidently the final straw for Jameson. "You have abused my powers for your advantage, dressing it up as if I am doing justice. You have threatened the people I love so that I feel incentivised to do as you say. I struggle to sleep and I assure you it is not because I have a baby. You have made my life a misery and I have no obligation to play nice. Even when you stop looking like that, I don't want to be around you. But of course, I pretend the opposite is true to protect you. And yet, and yet, after all that stress and strife, you have the gall to act as if I owe you loyalty. I never have."

"I uh... didn't get all of that, sorry. But-"

"Then perhaps this will be a good summary." With one finger, he does indeed condense his message to something much more universally understandable.

"He won't forgive you for keeping this from him, you know." Anti remarks.

"Get the fuck out of my house."

"Whatever."

Anti begrudgingly makes his exit. The whole time he travels home, he wonders how much time he has left before the inevitable catastrophic end of all he's known.

[voidselfshipp]

Lonely toucan.

Tommy had recently let me in his small community, I had my own little house to live in, well me , and my dog missy, a Manchester terrier.

And then I met his brother , Joel, he uh.

He was fucking cute, thats what he was.

So, y'know like, those love at first sight bullcrap?, yeah, not so much bullshit now, he and his daughter Ellie,were quite the pair, the kid got on joels nerves playfully, it kind of reminded me of me and my siblings, who were on their way here.

One day however, we needed supplies, ammo, scrap for bombs and traps, there were Many searching parties, one of them was Joel, ellie and me.

My feet drag on the ground, missy was leading the way, long and tall buildings touched the blue Sky,birds Chirped and the place was clear from infected.

-So jerico is it?- ellie asks, wanting to start a conversation- whats your story?-

-Well, im from Argentina, came here before the infection with my siblings , for opportunities, And well, then hell breaks loose and we managed to survive, I at least, left my parents behind , there wasnt much for me back there -

-oh...-the kid says-and your parents?do you know what happened to them?-

-Well, they Passed away after a couple of months after I moved here, so now they are in a better place...i wanna think at least-

And meanwhile Joel was silent , serious expression barely making any sound.

Missy halts and barks, there is a store a couple of meters away, I signal her to come here with me and i scoop her up,just in case we need to bail out.

The shop had a couple of ammo boxes and such, but mostly barren.

-How did you get missy?- Ellie inquires again while searching in a box.

-She was a rescue, after a couple of months of wandering I found her alone on a pet shop, I was astonished when I found her alive, weak but alive, me and my siblings nursed her back to health, and now she is here with me, my loyal companion -

-She is a cute one, isnt she Joel- I kneel down for Ellie to pet her, my dog barks and jumps out off my arms into Joel, licking his face and barking happily when he pets her.

-She likes you-I say,grabbing missy by her leash-come on girl, down, down- the terrier backs off and sits-I saw a room with a shit load of stuff, but equally filled with spores I have no mask-

-We'll go-Joel says, god his voice.

-Oh look!, he talks- I say, sitting with missy, he snorts and shakes his head,I catch a glimpse of a smirk - ill stay here and scan the place, If something comes ill knock on the door-They enter the room, and I just wait, petting missy-you liked Him, dontcha chica?-(girl) she barks and snuggles closer- that makes two of Us.

Meanwhile, Joel and Ellie wander trough the room.

-i saw you smirk, you never smirk with people you just met,whats up with that?-the kid asks.

-Whats up with that?, she has charm,you have to laugh at her comment, shes funny-the Man tries to dismiss the question, but there was truth in there , she was charismatic, and funny, clever even.

-And now you compliment her?, dude ,you totally have a crush on her-

-c'mon Ellie we just met-

-love at first sight is a thing-

Joel groans and both Get out of there , there was a couple of useful things, they all re Group and show what they found.

As they make their way out something stops them, missy grunts, a horde of infected are closing in, too Many to face.

So they run,jeri scoops her dog up and bolts as fast as she can, they enter a departament complex, they barricade Everything they can and sit,waiting.

Vía radio , Joel tells Tom what happened,reinforcements Will come in a bit.

Missy lays down with Joel who is catching his breath.

Jerico finds an ukelele, she hesitates but tunes it as silent as she possibly can, still, they were really far up, and the walls were thick.

-Whats that?- ellie asks.

-A ukelele, Like a mini guitar-she is done tuning it - I wrote a song, its crappy, but y'know , Something to kill the time, also to be noted, I am a hopeless romantic-

-You wrote a song with that thing?-ellie asks, pointing at the ukelele.

-Yeah-jerico nodds

-can I hear it?,please?pleaaase?- the kid pleads

Jeri quickly eyes Joel, who Is sleeping .

-Fine, but not too loud, your oldman is sleeping-

-he is not my dad-

-yeah whatever-both chuckle and jeri starts to play-Oh trough this still waters I flew, my feet barely hitting the surface.

Then I saw you, standing there, I loved every bit of it, oh , to be your River, to flow undisturbed, loving you all the way trough.

But im just a lonely toucan,a silent night owl, that longs to be something else with you.

Oh to be your River, and flow undisturbed, I love you with every ounce of my being, oh to be your River...-

-Thats...too cheesy, you werent kidding about being a hopeless romantic-jerico rolls her eyes- who is it about anyway?- ellie asks, then the older woman looks over to Joel-oh shit , well, I am going to take some fresh air, god, you are too cheesy-

Jeri chuckles and nodds.

She keeps playing unaware of Joel listening to her

--Oh to be your River,flowing trough the storms, with every ounce of my being, my heart sings along.

And even if youre rough, ill Keep flying along, to get to the waterfall.

Oh to be your River, and happily flowing along.

Oh to be your River, and flow with your love-

She is talking about him, he is the only person inside the room that she could have pointed at.

His heart flutters warmly.

Damn this crush of his.

Why does she gotta be so perfect?.

He shifts and she stops playing, then he feels soft fabric cover him, it smelt like leather, did she covered him with her jacket?.

Missy lays her body on Joel and snuggles closer.

He smiles.

-I Knew you were awake!- jerico says-Open your eyes, youre not fooling anyone-

Joel chuckles and looks at her.

-You got me- he doesnt move tho, petting missy's Head-she is really beautiful, Like you-

Jeri's cheeks burn red and looks away.

-Uh t thank you-

They Keep a comfortable silence until missy stands up and sits on the womans lap,demanding attention.

-What did you use to work,before all of this?- Joel drapes jericos jacket on her back again, she smiles at the gesture and signals him to sit close to her.

-i used to work as an animator for a company,my dreamjob really-

-what a shame, I bet you would have exceed at it -

-Heh,i Like to think the same-

Her head falls on joels shoulder, she yawns.

-didnt sleep enough last night?- the Man asks as his arm sneaks his way around her neck she snuggles closer.

-My sleep schedule is fucked-

Joel catches a glimpse of Ellie spying on them Gently peeking over a door, he waves her off and she smirks.

-sleep, you Will need it-

-But what if--

-Sleep now ,ill protect you-

Jerico nodds blushing and snuggles closer to Joel.

Eventually reinforcements arrive.

Back at toms safehouse, jeri is preparing to sleep , snuggling into her covers, herself brought them all the way here, they had the faint smell of vainilla.

A sudden movement made her jump, its Joel.

-You dumbass you scared the living crap out of me!-

Joel chuckles and hands her the ukelele.

-you lost this-

-oh thanks-she says calming down- god im so tired, but I cant sleep-

-want me to lay down with you?-

-Dude , I dont want to bother or seem like a child-she sighs- i just feel unsafe alone..-

The mans face contorns with empathy and kicks off his shoes.

-Make space, c'mon-

Jerico wasnt going to Argue, she lays down,leaving space for Joel to lay down,his arms hug her waist with her back against his chest.

He was warm, they snuggle under the covers , And missy lays down on the edge of the bed where their feet are.

- y'know-jeri says- when I was a teen, I tought that love was bull crap, a few lucky ones could enjoy it, and I was heartbroken,and I just carried this with me, just loneliness, then I saw you and god, I was just smitten-she sighs and turns her head to him-what im saying is....I have a crush on you....-

Joel is taken back but he snuggles closer, whispering a me too into her ear before kissing her, she kisses back and a trail of kisses goes down her neck.

She turns her head back again and smiles.

He hides his face on the crook of her neck and sighs in content.

They both can take a bit of time off, Togheter,just them, nothing else exists.

A sweet and soft 'I love you'loosens from the Mans lips before they crash into a well deserved And very needed slumber.

Even the apocalypse had good things.

[Fin]

:3

[nailbatss]

Habits - Zabdiel de Jesús

Pairing: Zabdiel x Reader

Notes: Hi, before this story begins, I wanted to say thank you to @cieloxcnco for giving me the prompt. I wanted to write to celebrate her 1000+ followers! Congrats, Mami, you deserve it! This is inspired by the song Habits by Tove Lo. If smoking weed make you uncomfortable, please feel free to skip this story. Stay safe everyone!

Word Count: 1,600

Warnings: smoking weed/eating edibles (stay safe children), cursing, mentions of doing illegal activity, other drugs

I spend my days locked in a haze, trying to forget you babe, I fall back down

Fuck feelings. Honestly, who needs to feel anything anymore? Before your heart was broken, all you needed was another reason to revert back to your habits. You needed one more thing to send you over the edge. You were looking for that reason, and he was it.

He promised you that he would never hurt you. He promised you that he wouldn’t leave you. He promised you a lot of things that he didn’t hold his word to. The supposed love of your life promised you were his one and only; he said you were the one he wanted to marry. You believed every word because the promises seemed so real. They seemed so perfect and like he would follow through.

Lies, all of it. They were all lies from the moment they left his lips.

You were clean when you met him. Having just left rehab, and seeing him there, oh it was shocking. Nobody expected a world famous superstar to be in the same facility you were in. He had been addicted to the tour life and everything that came with it. Mainly, they were getting too close for comfort when it came to partying. He was starting to get addicted to the party scene. Of course, he would never admit to it, but he was going to keep that part a secret. By partying, it meant he would get too out of hand with drinking and the drugs. Not major drugs, just a pill or two that you could pop to feel good. Edibles were another drug of choice for him.

Weed, hash, the good stuff, the Devil’s lettuce, the cure all. Whatever you called it. It was your best friend. You were introduced at a party when you were about 15. From that moment, you were hooked. It made you feel really good and you could forget about the world for a while. Sure, you would contemplate life as it existed, but it was the one thing you could rely on. You had some good friends that would smoke with you from time to time, but they weren’t really your friends. You knew they only hung around because you were the one who supplied the stuff. Your dealer was an old friend from school who owed you a few favors. After, he became a regular dealer. One of your so-called friends even. You sat on the back porch with them, the blunt rolled tightly and to perfection. You were a master of your art if you do say so yourself. Holding the little roll felt so natural, the glow of the flame enticing you to take a hit. After taking a drag, you exhaled and watched the smoke dissipate. The feeling of euphoria slowly washed over you as you hummed. You were hooked on the feeling.

That’s the thing, you were clean when you met him. His dark brown eyes captured your attention and made you want to learn more about the mysterious man. It was pretty easy to tell that he was going to be your next addiction. You didn’t know it at the time, but he would soon become your whole world. He made you want to keep chasing him and want to know more.

Needless to say, Zabdiel de Jesús was going to be your everything. You two liked to live fast and in the moment. One night, you two decided to go for a drive, the windows down and the wind was whipping through your hair. The music was playing loudly for you two to sing along to. Your hands were out the window, cheering into the night as it urged you two to join it. Laughter rang through the air and tangos with the music, creating a perfect blend of happiness and enjoyment. There was nothing you wanted more than to spend forever with him.

“(Y/N)?” Zabdiel started to ask you one night. “Yeah?” You replied quietly. “What made you want to get clean?” You two had been dating for almost a year now and he thought to ask when you were both clean. You wanted to talk about it when you were ready. As he mentioned the subject, you started to tense up before relaxing. “I um, I wanted to get clean because I thought that i needed it. The addiction was destroying my family. We were always arguing over if I was going to die because I was going to smoke in a place I shouldn’t. Or they would bring up my aunt, who became an alcoholic because her husband left her…” You became quiet for a moment. “I wanted to start over and become a better person. I was a real asshole to my family.” Zab was quiet before he sent a soft smile your way, placing a gentle kiss to your temple as he did. “Gracias, amor, for telling me.”

You spent the rest of the night talking about life in general. Things were good- no, they were great! You could go to him about anything and he would do the same. You met his friends: Richard, Christopher, Erick, and Joel. They were all great guys, and really attractive, but you wouldn’t be able to have eyes for any of them when Zabdiel had your heart in his hands.

Your first “I love you” came at a rather awkward time. You had come out of the shower and you were dancing to some music that was playing on the radio. He had heard you singing and he was surprised to see that you were in a towel, your hair down and wet as you flipped your hair around. Zabdiel leaned against the door frame and he smiled at you. “Well, good morning to me.” You let out a small squeak as you spun around to face him. “Zab! I didn’t know you were up!” You exclaimed as you blushed harshly. “I love seeing you all natural like this. Gives me another reason why I love you.” That stopped you in your tracks. (Y/N).exe has stopped working. “I-I love you too, Zabdiel.” You were blushing and you smacked him with the hairbrush. “Now get out so I can get dressed!”

Times like that seemed to come so naturally. You were always together and inseparable. When fans found out about you two, (your ship name) was born on twitter that night. Every interviewer in the world had their eyes on you both. They wanted to pry into your relationship to find out how long you knew each other, when you started dating, how you two met, etc. It was irritating, but you two figured out a way around it. Both of you went live on a popular talk show and you answered every question. You told your story about how you met and got clean together. Obviously, the most private part of your relationship remained a secret, such as anything to do with your sexual lives.

“What do you mean that you can’t go on any longer?!” The Puerto Rican man seemed to be ignoring you as he packed his bags, then he turned to you with an angered expression. “You used again.” “No! I didn’t!” “Then what’s this?!” He held up a lighter of yours, an old one. You had kept it in your pocket as a constant reminder. It hadn’t been sparked in forever, but he didn’t know that. As far as he knew, you had lit it up. You weren’t even sure if it had fuel inside of it. “Zab, that’s an old lighter. I haven’t contacted any of my old friends in a long time. I left them behind when we started dating.” You assured him and reached for the lighter. He yanked it away. “No! You’re lying!” There was a tone of paranoia in his voice. The mistrust he felt towards you was seriously hurting you. “Please, I’m not lying. Check my records if you don’t believe me!” “I shouldn’t have to do that! You should have been honest with me. We’re done.”

We’re done. Those two words just ended a whole relationship because he didn’t trust you. He also didn’t give you a chance to explain. No more nights of you running your fingers through his blonde curls, then him exhaling a deep sigh because it felt nice. No more running down the halls while laughing, snapping the wet towel towards his ass. No more stolen kisses before and after his shows when he would perform. No more calling him late at night with random thoughts you would have. No more making fun of the other guys. No more having nights out together. That was all gone now.

You relapsed.

There you sit, a lighter in your right hand as you cup the stick with your left. As you inhale, you think about all the rough times that happened lately, surrounding your breakup with him. You exhale and let go of the past, allowing it to disappear into the night sky forever. The cold brick wall against your back kept you grounded in this reality. There was no such thing as happy endings, or at least you thought so anyway. All you could do now was forget that ever happened. Just pretend the last two years of your life didn’t exist. You were going to move on with your life. You were trying to forget Zabdiel and stay locked in the haze. You weren’t going to come down any time soon.

[cncolydia]

Treat You Better- Christopher Velez Imagine

Before you read: This is for @cieloxcnco ‘s 1000+ follower contest : ) This is actually my first ever imagine, i was so excited when i saw the contest bcos i’ve been looking for a reason to start writing on here, anyway i hope you all enjoy!

Prompt: Treat You Better by Shawn Mendes “tell me why are we wasting time on all your wasted crying when you should be with me instead?”

Warnings: none:)

-

You attempted to belt the final note to your song, but instead bursted out laughing at the face Richard was pulling at you.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry i'll do it again!" You shouted up to one of the members out the crew, sending a glare to Richard and the boys, who were sat on the floor below the stage watching you soundcheck, or at least attempt to. This had been going on for the past half an hour, you trying to control your laughter while they try to make you laugh.

"Seriously stop guys, I'm not the main act here like you, I can actually get in trouble!" You gritted your teeth at them, a smile peeking out. You wanted to get this soundcheck over and done with before you lost your job. But you still found the boys hilarious.

"It's not our fault you can't contain your laughter y/n" Joel said, laughing his head off.

You stuck your tounge out at him, and gave the crew a thumbs up, indicating you were ready to sing again.

You started your song, closing your eyes to get through it, knowing if you made eye contact with any of the boys again you'd loose it.

You had been their support act for the last two weeks, and would be for the next two months touring the world. Right now, you were in Paris. You were a singer, but you knew you only got this oppurtunity due to having known Joel since you met in primary school. Plus, you had met the rest of the boys during the La Banda process, so you had got to know them quite well. Though living with them in a very small tour bus was very different than seeing them every so often. But you were loving every minute of it. The only problem was your constant worries about your boyfriend Ashton, who you had left back home. He wasn't supportive of you going on tour, but you couldn't pass up the oppurtunity.

As your choreography came to an end and you sang the last note, you opened your eyes to the five boys clapping and whistling at you. You noticed Chris staring at you, not clapping like the others but just staring. You shook it off and laughed at the boys reactions and then looked up to the tour crew expectantly, who gave you a thumbs up indicating your sound check set was finshed.

"Thank god thats over." You said, laughing as you walked down the steps to join the boys below the stage.

"That was really good y/n" Joel said, giving you a reassuring smile. You replied by giving him a side hug and sitting beside him.

"I still can't get over the fact that this arena will be full of people here for us tonight." Erick commented, looking around the venue.

"I know right. It's insane." Chris chirped back. You zoned out of the conversation as your phone started buzzing in your pocket. Pulling it out, you saw it was your best friend Lucia from back home and excused yourself to answer it, heading out of the arena into the corridor.

"Hey Lucia! Como estás?"

"Hola. Estoy bien pero you might not be. My friend was out last night and she ran into Ashton. She sent me this picture. I'm sending it to you now" She said with a low voice. Your stomach turned in fear, as you looked at your phone screen to see a picture of your boyfriend kissing a red head in a night club. Your heart sank.

"I'm so sorry y/n. Apparently this wasn't the first time she had seen them together."

"Gracias Lucia. I'll talk to you later, okay?" You chirped, holding in your emotions.

"Okay y/n. I love you." She said, ending the call.

You suddenly burst out into tears, leaning back against the wall behind you.

You almost knew this was going to happen after you left, but it didn't mean it hurt any less. You did love Ashton, and the pain in you heart showed this. You had known it was going to end soon but part of you just wanted to hold on to your relationship. But you couldn't anymore, not after this.

"Y/n?" Chris' voice startled you, as you frantically pushed the tears from your face.

"Qué pasó princesa?" He asked, running towards you, concern ridden in his voice.

"Its Ashton." You choked out, tears threatening to fall once again.

"What's he done?" Chris said sternly, anger clear in his voice.

Unable to speak, you showed him the picture on your phone. Chris' body completely tensed up for a second before relaxing to pull you into a soft embrace.

"I'm so sorry y/n." He whispered into your hair, holding you tight.

You pulled yourself away, taking a deep breath and attempting to pull yourself together.

"Its okay Chris, just don't worry about it. It's my own fault anyway. If I hadn't left, he wouldn't-" You started.

"No! Don't you dare blame yourself y/n." Chris interupted you and put both his hands on your shoulders, looking deeply into your eyes. "If he really loved you, he would have never done this. If he really loved you he would've supported you touring the world, living your dream. You deserve so much better."

A little bit taken aback by his words, you looked back at him with a small smile, visually thanking him.

"Venga. We are going on a trip to cheer you up." He declared, grabbing your hand and pulling you towards the exit of the arena.

"But what about the concert Chris?" You said, scoffing.

"We will be back in time, por supuesto. ¡Vamos!" He replied, pulling you out and into the street. Night was falling onto the streets of Paris, and the serenity of the city calmed you immediatley. You were so disapointed when you were told you wouldnt have time to explore the city, as the boys had spent a few days here on their last tour and had already seen it all, and there just wasn't even time to spare this time round. But it seemed Chris had a different plan.

"Are you ready to see the beautiful eifell tower?" He asked, a grin big enough for the both of you, as he hauled a taxi of the street and opened the door of it for you.

You nodded, completely taken aback by his plans but nevertheless climbing into the back of the taxi and pushing the thoughts of Ashton out of your head.

You watched out of the window as you drove through the city, the taxi's radio playing softly in the background. You were so glad to stop thinking about Ashton and start enjoying youself. You looked over to Chris and smiled to yourself, thinking about how happy you were to be actually spending time with him. Since the first time you met him, you had had strong feelings for him. He was just so beautiful, and so sweet. His natural flirtiness didn't help either. But you had always been with Ashton, so you pushed these thoughts away and ultimately just avoided Chris to stop anything from happening between you. But this had only ended up with you closer to all the other boys, and chris never really understanding why.

Your thoughts were interupted by the song playing on the radio being very familiar. You and Chris' eyes met and you both burst out laughing as the intro to Pretend started to play.

"I'll never get over things like this happening." Chris said laughing.

As Joel's intro finished, Chris joined in with the radio, singing along with his part.

"Me avisa' cuando tú quiera', haré como si no existiera' sigo aquí en tu lista de espera, yeahh" He sang, and you smiled at his incredible voice.

You joined in, singing Joel's part, "Yeah I gotta love but I'm involved, yeah I gotta choice so it's my fault, staring at a problem we can't solve" You both sang along to the song, forgetting the taxi driver was in the car at all. Chris even attempted to do the choreography in the small space you had, and you couldn't stop laughing at him. It surprised you both when the car abruptly stopped, and you looked out the window to see the tower a short walk away.

You both jumped out of the car, thanking the driver whilst laughing at your singing moment. Then you stopped in awe of the view of the eifell tower. It was stunning, with a golden glow contrasting the slowly darkening blue sky.

Chris took your hand in his and pulled you away from the tower, much to your dismay. You looked at him quizically.

"I have a plan, first stop is McDonalds." He stated, pulling you along.

"But, the-" You started before hearing your stomach rumble, "actually I'm starving."

"That's what I thought." Chris said, dragging you into the restaurant to one of the touch screen machines, ordering his food (enough to feed a village) and yours. As you went to collect your meals, one of the workers noticed Chris and blushed, whispering to her co-worker in French. You wondered if they knew who he was, or if they were just taken aback by his good looks. You knew you were when you first met. They gave you the food and as you left, your hand dived straight into the bag for some fries.

"Nooo, you need to wait." Chris said, taking the bag from you. You pouted, but smiled internally at how he had almost planned this trip, despite it being completely spontaneous.

"Where are we going Chris?" you questioned, noticing you weren't heading towards the tower.

"Espérate y ya verás" He mysteriously said, walking towards a row of old buildings, that still managed to look beautiful due to the tower's golden glow. He took you to the back of them and led you to a fire exit set of stairs.

You looked at him very confused.

"Venga y/n" He said, laughing at your face and grabbing your hand again, leading you up the stairs. His laugh was contagious, making you giggle to yourself, butterflies filling your stomach. All thoughts of Ashton and that girl left your mind, and you felt more at peace and more happy than you had since you first left for tour. As much as you were of course enjoying the tour so far, your worries about had Ashton clouded over you. And now, even though your worst nightmare had happened, somehow you felt better than ever, knowing he was out of your life for good. Maybe you needed this to happen.

You snapped out of your thoughts as you arrived at the top of five flights of stairs, as Chris lead you out onto a roof top, ridiculously close to the Eifel Tower. You gasped at the view, and your heart felt full. It was so mesmerising.

"Chris, this is amazing." You said, squeezing his hand which you hadn't yet let go off.

"Isn't it? We found this spot last year." He said, pulling you to the edge of the roof, to sit down. He let go of your hand to lay out the food, and you couldn't stop smiling. You knew that you would never forget this.

You both dug into your food, watching the people bustle around the tower on the ground as the sky slowly grew darker, and small stars began to appear above you.

"How are you feeling y/n?" Chris said with a concerned tone in his voice, clearly referring to Ashton.

"Honestly, better than ever Chris. Thankyou for this." You said, giving him a smile. He grinned back.

"I want to know more about you y/n. We've been touring for months together already yet I feel like I hardly know you." He said, turning his body to face you.

You grin at his proposition. "20 questions?"

"Yesss." He said, his smile never fading.

"You first." You chirped back

"Okay. Favourite food?"

"Hmm. Right now, these fries." You said, pointing to the bag into front of you and popping on in your mouth. "Favourite colour?"

"Red. Dogs or cats?"

"Dogs, always." You smiled, thinking of your dog at home.

"When's your birthday?"

"23rd September. What's your favourite song?"

"Easy. Bonita by CNCO." You winked. "Where was your favourite ever performance?"

"Definitely our first ever performance as CNCO, it was insane." He said, and you smiled at his face clearly remembering this. "When did you know you wanted to be a singer?"

"I think I've always known. I remember me and Joel used to talk about how we were both gonna be singers together when we grew up since we were like 6."

You carried on like this for a while, asking random questions and feeling happy to be learning more about Chris. You had definitely asked more than 20 questions. More than hour later, your head had ended up in his lap as he lent back, his arms holding him up as he played with your hair a little bit.

"Have you ever been in love?" You asked.

"Yeah." He gulped, looking out at the city. "What's your worst fear?"

"Losing my voice. It's my whole life." You admitted and took a deep breath to ask "What's your opinion on cheating?".

"I think If I loved someone enough to be with them, I'd never think about anyone else, let alone let myself get into the situation where I could ever kiss someone else other than who I'm with." He said, staring out at the view of the city.

You started to tear up, your thoughts returning to Ashton and your heart starting to hurt again. Chris looked down at you, and noticed your tears. Instead of prying, he just wiped your tears away. You looked up at him, your heart warming at his touch, as his hand cupped your cheek lightly.

"Why have you always avoided me y/n?" He asked, eyes pouring into yours. You were taken aback, you had never realised it was obvious enough for him to notice.

"I- I just couldn't let myself be in the situation where I could kiss someone else, I guess." You said, taking your words from what he had just said about cheating. He looked back at you a little confused. "I mean, I just kinda liked you from first meeting you, but I was with Ashton so, I guess I avoided you a bit, to stop myself from feeling that way.”

He looked slightly surprised, but happy with your response, as he suddenly moved his hand from your cheek to your neck and pulled you up towards his face in one swift movement, leaving your lips just centimetres apart. You could hear your heart pounding as he paused, looking for confirmation that this is what you wanted and as the cool wind blew between your close lips, you couldn't have been anymore sure. You pulled your arms up around his neck and let your lips connect. He immediately responded, moving his lips against yours. You moved slowly in sync, as you moved your leg across his body so you were straddling him. You both melted into the kiss, and you felt him pouring his every emotion into it. You let your hands move up his neck into his hair, running your hands through it. The kiss slowly grew more intense, but it was still sweet and full of adoration, you never wanted to stop.

You both pulled away eventually, breathing heavily with your foreheads connected.

"I would treat you so much better than he did y/n. You should be with me instead." He breathed out, looking so deep into your eyes, you felt like he could see into your soul.

You replied to this by leaning to kiss him again, smiling into the kiss. He kissed back sweetly, loving the feeling of your lips together.

"Will you be with me, amor?" He whispered, leaning away from your lips and down to your neck, where he began kissing you again.

"I need to speak to Ashton and tell him its over. Then me and you can start this, for real." You said, leaning your neck back giving him access to your sweet spot below your ear.

"Sounds. Amazing. Princesa." He spoke between kisses. A smile took over your face, before you suddenly realized how dark the sky had become.

"Chris. What time is it?" You asked, though you regretted it as soon as his lips left your neck.

He took his phone out of his pocket and cursed.

"Erm, it may be 5 minutes till your set starts." He said, gulping.

[seeksstaronmewni]

Joel R. Valentine: An Under-Appreciated Sound Designer

Note before reading that, for the sake of privacy, NO PICTURES of Joel IN HIS STUDIO are allowed in this post. I respect him as a humble artist enough to obey this.

Joel Valentine is a sound designer who is usually credited for only sound editing, usually under the name of his company “Twenty-First Century Entertainment, Inc.” (AKA “21st Century Sound Design Corp.)--a private contractor who seems fairly under-appreciated. He created “The Producer’s Sound Effects Library” (according to Trademarkia), which is used by Hacienda Post, Jeff Hutchins, Atlas Oceanic, and maybe even Advantage Audio.

In more familiar context, Joel is the sound designer of mostly cartoons, namely Cartoon Network projects and the works of Craig McCracken and Genndy Tartakovsky, like The Powerpuff Girls and Samurai Jack, as well as Dexter’s Laboratory (Joel is credited for sound design on the package design/summary of Dexter’s Laboratory: Ego Trip, however, and as a sound editor on the special). Joel Valentine is responsible for the soundtrack to many of my favorite childhood cartoons... or cartoon cartoons, to be a bit more specific.

"Edits fast, sounds great, and doesn't break. The DM -80's multilayering capabilities and simultaneous recording on all tracks gives us the flexibility to do whatever we want."

This is a quote from Joel Valentine on the DM-80, from a supplement to a March 1994 issue of BROADCAST engineering / BE Radio.

Jeff Hutchins, the sound designer behind Spongebob Squarepants and a creative at Hacienda Post/Sabre Media/Flash Bomb Audio and Warner Bros. Sound/Audio Circus, was an assistant to Joel Valentine. They both edited sound on 2 Stupid Dogs and Dead in the Water. Jeff Hutchins made a number of tweets to me that compliment and reference Joel Valentine:

“Joel was a master of recording and funny sounds. He is still the a pillar of cartoon sound and I wish to recognize him. I believe he was working and had credits prior to 1985. Few people enter the business as a mixer. Look up Harmony Gold. Things should pop up”

“Joel is an incredible talent and I think the world of him. Rock on Joel!”

“Joel has a crisp & distict style. He had moved on to Samurai Jack and Hacienda started to do the FX for Dexter’s Lab. I did a few of them and really tried to retain Joel’s style. Not an easy task.”

“Joel gave me a copy of his “Producer’s SFX Library”. Joel also gave me his ADAP Library in exchange for transferring it to .wav files. I would give him any SFX he asked for.”

“In the “2 Stupid Dogs” days Joel was at the heart of everything. There wasn’t another like him. To this day, I thank him for being so out side the box as to redefine “out side the box”. Thx my brother in sound. Joel was creating the sound tract for a show called “Northern Exposure” at the same time. I am still in awe of his accomplishments. Joel rocks!”

“When I met Joel in 1986, my life changed. His over the top way of creating opportunity out of baking soda and “whatever you’ve got” is incredible. He is an innovator. Thanks for taking the time out of your life to be my teacher. Thanks Joel!”

“He [Joel] was working on those shows [Northern Exposure and Bakersfield P.D.] at the Lantana building in Santa Monica. I worked for Joel during that time period in a suite he had in the building. I worked on 2 Stupid Dogs. After 2 Stupid Dogs I went to work for other studios & Joel went his own ways. Those days were awesome, but all good things come to an end at some point. As one door closes, another opens... somewhere.”

Eric Freeman also shared some facts with me back in 2017:

“[Wander Over Yonder] Season 2 was all done by Joel Valentine. My schedule became way too busy to do the sound fx. Craig McCracken has long history with Joel and enjoys his work, so he wanted him to do the season 2 sfx... 21st century is/was Joel Valentine's personal company. He would do all the sound design and then send it to me at Hacienda for the final mix. He is not affiliated with Hacienda. Joel is a private contractor...   [Joel] worked out of his home... he was the sole sound designer and editor for [Wander Over Yonder] season 2. There were NO other uncredited post-sound folks on the show. The whole series was just Joel and Myself... Joel is working on S5 of Samurai Jack. He would be the sole editor on that. The mix will be done at Hacienda Post. Current PPG is being edited and mixed at Hacienda Post. Joel is not involved with the new PPG... I did some editorial on PPG movie and worked with the editors you listed (Tom Syslo, Roy Braverman & Daisuke Sawa). I can't remember what I edited on the movie, but it was sound fx. I worked on Dexter's Lab, PPG, Fosters, Symbionic Titan, and Samurai Jack. Any editorial I did would have happened during the mix. A lot of times, Genndy or Craig will want to try different SFX when they hear final music and final dialog play together with Joel's sfx. Sometimes the original SFX just don't work well... Joel definitely IS a master sound designer. I respect his work very much... I've worked with Jeff [Hutchins] since the 1990s. He's extremely talented. I believe Joel trained him... Joel only worked on the pilot of Chowder. He did NOT do the series. All the sound design came from Hacienda Post.”

Grant Meuers, “the sole sound editor” on Genndy Tartakovsky’s Primal, replied to my emails of my questions on the show’s sound: “all sound design you hear is either me or Joel. I worked for Hacienda for 2-3 years as an assistant sound editor before venturing out into the freelance world. They are great people over there, and I'm still close with them, although neither Joel or I are very involved in the mixes. Joel is a really talented guy, and I'll be sure to pass your compliments along!” The latter referred to my desire for anyone with Joel to send compliments from me to Joel. Grant continued: “the line between "sound design" and "sound edit" is pretty fluid to me (and I think Joel feels the same way). Joel and I split up responsibilities of what we each cover each episode fairly evenly, but Joel definitely has final say and final cut over whatever we do together, and obviously Genndy has final say over everything. How we are ultimately credited isn't really up to us. (In fact, Joel initially wanted us to be both credited as sound editors, but Genndy and Adult Swim gave him his own title card, which I am happy about, because he definitely deserves it. Joel is a humble guy and often likes to fly under the radar.) We both work remotely on our own, and each have our own respective companies we use for billing purposes.” The credit of Joel for sound design on Genndy Tartakovsky’s Primal is well-earned, but ultimately he remains private in his work, and that privacy must be respected.

Genndy Tartakovsky himself said meaningful words about Joel Valentine, who did sound design on all of his Cartoon Network shows: “I’ve worked with Joel since the days of ‘Dexter.’ He’s got an amazing library and he knows how to blend sounds together to make them something very unique. For the fourth episode he went outside the norm and he found these vocal monster libraries that were done in the ’60s or something in Germany... for the mastodon episode, he found this library where some guy started a Kickstarter and then went to India to record elephant sounds for a year... all the mastodon sounds are so much more than what’s out there that a lot of people are using. I think we’re taking the extra effort for everything to make it sound unique and specific.”

Shane Houghton, co-creator of Big City Greens, compliments sound editor/designer Joel Valentine as part of “a killer sound team! They don't get enough love! Eric and Joel are amazing!”

Someone on Twitter asked @crackmccraigen “how was the noise used when the powerpuff girls would suddenly fly off made? The fwOosh/pew!! noise, yanno?” Craig replied: “It was comprised of a few different sound fx that were put together by the PPG sound designer Joel Valentine.” When I noted that Joel was usually uncredited, Craig told me that “The name Twenty-First Century Entertainment, Inc. listed under Sound Editing is Joel. That’s his company, [and] he wanted to be credited that way.” Another person appreciated the sound design of Kid Cosmic, and Craig highlighted that he’s been working with him for 27 years.

As of May 30th, 2021, Owen Fishback’s Kippie short, “Guard Duty Doggy”, was released. I saw it the next day, and it acknowledges Joel Valentine for sound effects (some of his sound effects are used in it, probably sourced from the Sound Effects Wiki pages for his sound effects, to which I contributed info but not the audio samples used in the video).

The sound effects that Joel created are very meaningful to me as I grew up heavily on the works of Joel Valentine for Cartoon Network, namely Dexter’s Laboratory. When I heard his sound design on Samurai Jack Season 5 back in 2017 (namely EPISODE XCIV), I was so impressed with his array of realistic soundscapes of atmospheres and animals that I began to consider Joel the next best creative in sound post-production sound services, next to those of Skywalker Sound and Warner Bros. Post Production Creative Services.

I’m not sure what will become of The Producer’s Sound Effects Library, though I got a copy from ebay on 1/23/2020 A.D. as an upcoming birthday gift and immediately preserved it by ripping the files off ( the link for proof read Producers-Sound-Effects-Library-13-cds-Great-Value-Free-shipping/283736597492?hash=item421004e3f4:g:rLkAAOSwAGxeE8ql ). Thanks to @wiley207​ and SqueakyCartWheel for notifying me on the Sound Effects Wiki!

Here’s a close-up of the main CD’s cover, used for the 101 SOUND EFFECTS CD...

...and here’s the label of the CD. They all look like this due to distributor S.O.S.

I made a page for The Producers Sound Effects Library on the Sound Effects Wiki, of course, to celebrate this amazing, obscure library. I recognize a number of sound effects on that library, like “IN Cricket Single” (as often heard in Spongebob) and “ROBOT MOVES #1[-3]” One of my absolute favorite sound effects on that library is “SPACE BEAM DOWN.” It’s a deep drone with a mysterious, enticing musical tone; it’s on PSEL CD SY-01 - “Science Fiction”.

Regarding preservation of the PSEL: due to the copyright warning requiring “written legal documentation from the owner of the Producers Sound Effects Library” (that’s probably Joel)--though I think that the company of the same name as the SFX library, PSEL, is defunct--I believe that I can not upload the audio files online  “unauthorized” “by any information or sampler storage and retrieval system now known or to be invented”.

Aside from the PSEL, I hope and pray that Joel’s library will be in good hands when he retires. Sound Ideas or Pro Sound Effects deserve to preserve this amazing library of sound!