#joel millerxf!reader

[ashleyfilm]

Seeing Clearly

Hi Everyone, this is my first fan fiction. I love Joel Miller and Pedro and I just wanted to write something about him/them. I was inspired by the many many many fantastic fics I've read and all their writers. You all are amazing. I don't know what I'm doing so, if I do something wrong, please let me know and I'll adjust. Please leave comments, I'd love to know your thoughts. And if you feel inclined to reblog, that would be so nice.

Chapter Warnings: violence, cursing, gore, blood. (There Will Be Smut, eventually) Minors - DNI

Characters: Jackson!Joel Miller x F!Reader Plus Size. I will give her some physical descriptions because she is me for this one but I've taken to writing her and You (Reader) so hopefully you can still imagine yourself. Black hair, glasses, tattoos, big body, wears dark clothes, won't stop talking, a little annoying. Joel is tv show Jackson Joel.

Story Summary: Joel just saved your life, begrudgingly. He doesn't know exactly why but he brings you back to Jackson and you ingratiate yourself into his very small circle and his life. This takes place after season 1 of TLOU and season 2 doesn't exist in my brain because no.

Chapter Summary: Joel saves your life and takes you back to Jackson.

Chapter 1: Him.

It all happens so fast. You step on that fallen fucking branch and it snaps. It feels so loud in the eerie quiet of the forest, like an explosion. Your heart almost burst in your chest, and the clicker you were hiding from, praying would pass you by, turns on the stumps left of its heels and comes towards you. Its limbs flailing, but at a speed that seems impossible. Next, you’re on the ground, pushing the things’ rotting neck and shoulders as hard as you can to keep its snapping jaws from your face, when suddenly, with the sound of a shot, the head splinters, and bloody debris falls onto the skin of your face as the clicker’s strength weakens and its weight falls against you.

Your brain can’t catch up with what is happening as the corpse is lifted off you and the sound of a man’s voice starts to come through as if you’re hearing it under water. “ANSWER ME!” You finally make out the words, “WERE YOU BIT?” You find your voice, shaky but still strong, matching the man’s intensity, “I DON’T KNOW.” You hear him sigh, almost as if he’s irritated rather than fearful. You still can’t see him clearly, the viscera of brain matter from the clicker being shot above you still blurring your vision, along with the loss of your black framed glasses that helped you see, even if the prescription wasn’t exactly right. Damnit, where are they now? You wipe your face as best you can and move your mass of black hair streaked with gray out of the way as the man, who you can now see is large, broad shouldered, only being able to make out his shape without your glasses. He grabs at your collar and moves your head from side to side to check your face and neck, and then pulls you up to a standing position. You’re weak on your legs after the, let’s face it, near fucking death experience you just had, and reach out to the man, grabbing his hand for balance, after you seem steady and not a second before, he pulls his hand back and squeezes his fist like you burned him. Okay, man, just trying not to fall over again.

“Roll up your sleeves and show me your hands and arms, both sides. NOW!” You do just that. His brow furrows at the site of the tattoos covering your arms, like he’s wondering how you got them all, and trying to figure out if it was before the world ended, or after. How old you would have been, and if you could have gotten them all before. You can see the gears turning, then it seems he finally deems you unbitten and therefore not an immediate threat, but certainly not safe. “What are you doing out here alone, where are your people?” He says while looking around him, checking his six or whatever the fuck, you wonder if he was in the military or something, he seems like a soldier but also like maybe the Jason Borne kind. You never got to see the sequel they announced before it all happened, sequels usually sucked anyway. God, you miss movies.

“What is wrong with you, kid, you got brain damage? Answer my questions,” the man says, still more irritated with you than anything else. Kid? You’re fucking 40. Whatever. “Um, no brain damage that I know of, but I have a theory that I had an undiagnosed concussion as a teenager, um, but I’m out here trying to not get eaten by clickers, or raiders, or murdered, or worse and trying not to starve. Also, no people. I have no people.” You ramble quickly and the man sighs, AGAIN. You look down and see a rough black outline in the grass below and- “Oh, thank fuck.”

You reach down, clean them off on the part of your black long sleeved shirt that doesn’t have blood or clicker gunk on it and put them on with a long sigh of relief, “Do you know how hard it was to find glasses that actually helped me see and hold onto them and not break them in this shit show of an existence…” another sigh of relief as you open your eyes to finally look at the man who saved your life and already seems like he wants to take it back from you and Holy shit. He’s hot, there’s no other way to put it. He’s the hottest person you’ve ever seen on planet earth, and you’ve just ran your goddamn smart mouth like a fucking moron this entire time. Without the decency to be quiet and nervous in front of, again, THE HOTTEST PERSON YOU HAVE EVER SEEN. You choke on your own thoughts and wide-eyed look into his eyes, they’re chocolate brown and filled with life and emotion, he’s gruff and scary but his eyes…god, they betray him. His hair is just below his ears, curled and brown with slices of gray throughout. His face is worn, scarred, like he’s been through shit, you know because you have too. His nose is like a roman god’s, aquiline and fucking beautiful. He’s got a patchy beard the same two colors as his curly hair and his lips are full and pouty with a mustache and you wonder how it would scratch if he put his mouth on your neck. Wait, what the fuck. I mean he’s hot but instantly thinking of him kissing your neck… relax bitch.

He clears his throat, looking at you like you have two heads and sighs. He really likes to sigh. Then he finally speaks in a stern but soft voice, “Okay, look, don’t know why, but I believe you when you say you’re alone, your eyes look like you haven’t eaten in a few days, that true?” You nod and he seems relieved that you don’t start speaking again, so you stick with it and stay silent. His southern drawl continues, “I come from a community. If you want, I’ll take ya there. Food, shelter, medical. You gotta contribute and you gotta behave. Might want to watch that smart mouth of yours until people start trustin’ you, or maybe forever.” You look at him, tears threatening to fall, turning away to shield him or yourself, you’re not sure. Food. Shelter. Medical. My god how is this possible. He takes this time to look away from you and retrieve jerky from his pack which he holds out for you, and you take it. “Thank you...” you say in the quietest voice you think you’ve ever used realizing you don’t know his name. “Joel, name’s Joel Miller.” He nods and points his head in the direction he wants you to walk. Looking at your hair he says, “C’mon Ash,” and he follows just behind you. What you don’t see is the uptick of his lip on one side that reveals a dimple you’ve yet to witness on his beautiful face and his eyes linger on you for far too long when he should be watching your surroundings. That’s what you don’t see.

[cherryblossom-enthusiast]

Bloom (Joel Millerxf!reader)

A/N: Naaaah whoever decided Joel Miller should be played by Pedro Pascal did it for the people who have daddy issuesssss. Here’s something I whipped out because Pedro leaves in my mind rent free. Pleaseee give me some suggestions or prompts for things to write

I tried starting a tag-list but it literally burned in flames when I tried setting it up. Please just turn on notifications if you would like to be updated for @cherryblossom-enthusiast if you want to keep up with my writing :)

Synopsis: Joel Miller was neither friend or foe. You’ve barely talked to the man considering his reclusiveness. But you can’t stop staring and wanting. Turns out, he can’t stop staring and wanting you either. 

Warnings/ Tags: E (18+). Smut bby. Fluff, GrumpyxSunshine (Reader is a florist!), Unprotected PinV, Language, Dirty talk! Joel, Praise Kink, Rough sex, Fingering, SLIGHT spoilers

Word Count: 5.3K Words

Masterlist 

Your breath clouds your vision like a puff of white smoke.

Winter. The very word is a tragedy.

Food is harder to come by, light leaves much faster. The world is as bleak as it is and yet winter still cascades around you, turning everything black and white. A lifeless painting.

The chilly wind picks up and a shiver runs through your body.

“Y’good?”

The voice is lazy. Slow.

Warm.

Considering who it’s coming from, the level of warmth is a fucking marvel.

A hulking figure approaches your side. With a deep sigh, you turn your head and you’re met with the most tired eyes you’ve ever seen on someone. No shine, no luster, just an outpour of exhaustion from every small gesture he decides to do.

Joel fucking Miller.

You remember the first time you talked to him all too clearly.

You’d never been friends. Acquaintances even. Makes it a bit hard when the son of a bitch was as recluse as he was. They were the new residents of Jackson. Him and the girl he holds tight to his chest.

You were intimidated by him at first. Joel was all gruff words, long sighs, and blank stares. But the more you paid attention to him, the more you understood how he worked. Especially, when it came to the people he cared about. The man didn’t take shit from anyone. Nobody bothered him, and he returned the favour.

For the most part, that stayed true. Joel was the kind of person who always vied to stay invisible, be like every other person. Unaffected for the most part. But as you start to water your flowers on a clear-skied summer day, you hear him laughing.  

The richness of that laugh is still embedded into the deep recesses of your mind.

Joel wasn’t hard to understand as long as you really looked at him and boy did you stare.

You look over to his porch and there he is, “take no shit” Joel Miller with Ellie, teaching her how to play the guitar. You can’t quite remember what they were talking about. Something about “dinosaurs” and “T-rex hands”, but his adoration for the girl was so palpable, so intoxicating.

It was your first time seeing him so- loose. Like he actually gave a damn.

That’s when you knew Joel Miller would burn the world to keep that girl happy.

Ellie’s voice calling your name snaps you out of your thoughts. “How are you doing?!”

The tips of your ears burn, thinking about how weird it must have been staring at the pair for so long. “Enjoying this weather, how are you doing today Ellie?” You flash a bright smile.

She runs off the porch, practically hurling the instrument back at Joel. You hear an oof from the man behind her and you almost let out a small chuckle. Ellie stops in front of you, notebook in hand. The girl was always drawing or writing something. “It’s a great thing you came out,” she starts and pulls a pencil out from her back pocket. “I’ve been meaning to ask all about your pretty flowers.”

“Hopefully I have some answers.”

The girl babbles on about anything and everything she could think of. From what she thought were the coolest flowers, to what colours reminded her of planets. The conversation happens a while. You’d hit every single plant in your garden by the end of it.  

Ellie points at your rose bushes with the back of her pencil. She reminds you of a reporter. All serious, wanting to get a big scoop, thirsty for any ounce of information she could get. “How about those? What are those?”

“Ah,” you move away so she can have a better view. “Those are called roses.”

“Uh-huh” She writes enthusiastically in her notebook “and what do those mean?”

“Well, each colour means a different thing, but that colour specifically-“ you point at the flowers behind you using your thumb “red roses, mean passion, affection, and-“ you pause, trying to find the proper words “things akin to love.”

Ellie stops her writing and looks up at you. Her eyebrows are creased and she looks so ridiculously cute it makes you giggle. “Basically, you’d give it to someone you reaallly reaaallly like Ells.”

“Like- Joel?”

That gets a proper laugh out of you. “Not quite.”

She doesn’t seem to be satisfied with your answer but leaves the reply alone. In true Ellie fashion, she moves on by asking another question. “What flower would I be?!”

You pretend to think about it for a moment even though you know exactly what flower you would give her. Not that you’d given that particular question much thought, but you just knew. When you find exactly what you’re looking for, you squat to quickly pluck it from the ground and turn back to Ellie. You outstretch your hand “I think I’ll give you a yellow lilly.”

“What does this one mean?”

You ponder it, letting out a hmmm and place the flower behind her ear. “Well it wouldn’t be special if I had to explain it now would it? I guess you just have to brush up on your flower language.”

Ellie lets out a whine. “But you’re the only who knows anything about plants here!”

“Well, I guess you’ll just have to bother me more.”

A wild smile blooms on her face.

“Ellie!” You turn to discover the owner of the voice behind you. Tommy Miller approaches your direction, carrying a bag of supplies and produce. “You said you’d help Maria with supper tonight!”

Ellie jumps. “Shit!” She runs towards Tommy without a single care in the world. Halfway, she calls back to you and thanks you for your time. Tommy lifts his hand to acknowledge your presence and in return you lift your hand back to wave goodbye. Before you know it, the pair disappears, Ellie eagerly asking Tommy if he knew what her new flower meant.

“She’ll be talking to everyone bout’ flowers for while.”

Shoulders tensing, you swivel your head to your side. Joel stands beside you, hands in his pockets, a small smile gracing his face.

It catches you off guard completely. In the months you had spent as his neighbour, Joel had never spoken even a mere sentence to you. There was acknowledgement, maybe a simple wave, that nod men his age do when they want to greet a passerby. But hearing him direct his words to you hits you like a wave. A tsunami of shock.

He seems to notice your plight and his once loose posture turns rigid. “Sorry,” he mumbles “I should stop botherin ya-“

You shake your head in defense. “No, no, it’s just-“ Letting the tension roll of your shoulders, you sigh out a laugh and extend your hand, introducing yourself.  He clasps it with his own and your arm goes limp. His hand is larger, the callouses hard against your skin. It should feel weird, uncomfortable even, but none of those feelings come to mind.

“Joel Miller, nice to meet you.”

Maybe you were silly for expecting more, but nothing really happens after that.

There were some conversations about small favours and errands here and there, but not to anyone’s surprise, Joel’s got more than one hard layer of rock. He’s as immovable as a mountain. You naturally went back to the role of spectator. Stupid little crush that wouldn’t go away.

How could it when he was the man that he was.

He repeats his question from earlier and it finally snaps you back to your current reality. You were in the middle of rounds during this god-forsaken weather. “Y’good?”

Joel wasn’t even supposed to be your patrol partner. You had gotten wind that your original partner caught hold of the flu and since Joel was otherwise wide open for the afternoon other than indulging other people’s requests, he took up the opportunity. The walk started off as awkward. You didn’t know what to say or how to approach him so it stayed quiet for the majority of the time, but the more you walked, the more comfortable it became. Usually, going out of Jackson’s walls still scared you. Having Joel by your side gave you a bit more re-assurance. You aren’t oblivious. Everyone knows how brutal he can become.

You shrug and look back at the vast expanse of land in front of you, overseeing from the cliff you were on. “’Just enjoying the natural splendour.”

Joel stays silent for a small while but replies. “I’d believe you more if you didn’t look like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you’d get into a ring and fight winter one-on-one”

The comment makes you scoff. “I’m tough as nails Miller.” You stare directly into his impenetrable eyes. “I’m sure I can handle a little snow.”

-------------------

Joel opens the door to a safehouse, making sure not to drop his gun until he knows for sure the area is safe. Once he’s satisfied, he leans the shotgun against the wall and motions for you to come in with a nudge of his head.

Both of you had been making record time getting back, but not even a racehorse could outrun the storm starting to brew. Halfway through your trudge back, Joel pats your shoulder, explaining that with the poor winter jackets the both of you were wearing and the wind whipping your faces, it’d be best to stop by a small cabin him and Tommy scouted a few rounds back. Not wanting to freeze to death, you obviously agreed to the idea.

It left you here.

Setting your bag down, rubbing your hands together, patiently waiting for Joel to start a fire in the hearth.

Joel.

Joel.

Alone with Joel.

He stands up from his crouching position and turns back to you. “You’re free to set-up your sleeping bag closer to the fire.”

“Oh, no- no, it’s alright.” You speak quickly. Almost too quickly. “You made the fire, I think you deserve to enjoy the fire.”

“But-“

“I insist.” You state it in a tone that says “that’s final”.

The man sighs. “Alright ma’am, whatever ya say.”

The two of you unroll your packs, splaying your sleeping bags so that your toes are towards the hearth. You take off your boots and sit on your make-shift bed. It was uncomfortable, you haven’t had to sleep on one in a while, but you’d gladly take anything over having to stay outside. Joel follows suit.

“Turns out I couldn’t handle a little snow.” You remark.

A small puff of air comes out of him. Coming from Joel, it may as well have been a full-blown laugh. You turn to take a glimpse at him and another small smile is on his lips. It’s only the second time you’ve ever seen one on him and it knocks all the air out of you just like it did the first time.

He’s distracted and that’s when you take the time to really focus on him. He looks softer in the firelight, the whites in his hair more prominent, his usual dark eyes having a glow to them. He looks less- burdened, and with that smile on his face, dare you say, despite your current situation, just the tiniest bit peaceful.

“You should do that more.” The words slip out of your mouth before you can stop them.

“What?”

“Smile.”

Like a toddler caught with the cookie jar, a crook caught in the headlights, Joel tenses and you mentally punch yourself in the face. His face goes back to the stoic front he usually puts on.

“Sorry, I was just-“ you start to apologize.

“It’s fine.”

Silence once again ensues. The air becomes as awkward as it was before.

“So-“

“What-“

You both talk at the same time.  Joel gestures to you, asking you to go first.

“I was just gonna ask what we could do to kill time.”

Joel shrugs and continues to stare at the fire. “We could always just sleep.”

“Nah c’mon-“you push “don’t be such a bore.” You ponder some more and think of an idea. “How about twenty questions?”  Your rounds partner says nothing, and you take the chance to convince him even more. “I’ve lived beside you a whole year and know nothin about you-“

“Probably for the best.”

Oh.

You understand. Of course, you do. But you can’t stop the small twinge of disappointment growing in your chest anyways.

When he makes the statement, you pull back. “Sorry, I just wanted to know more about you.” You fiddle with your nails. “Been staring at you for god knows how long and the most I’ve gathered is you like wood work.”

Joel perks up at your confession.

Dumb.

So dumb of you to admit that.

“You’re right, it’s better if we just go to-“

“No, let’s play.”

His sudden change of attitude to your idea throws you in for a loop. “Really? You sure?”

“That your first question you’re wastin’ darlin’?”

Your already tired brain short circuits at the nickname. “What?” No- I-“

The man has an amused look plastered all over his face. “Okay, well- shoot then.”

You think up of something stupid on the spot. “Favourite movie?”

“None. Got too many.” He answers.

“What? Well that’s not-“

“My turn.” He cuts you off once more. “Favourite flower?”

It doesn’t even take you a second to respond. “Oh easy, the lotus flower.” You ponder your next question. “One thing you don’t like?”

“Smiling.”

That gets a genuine chuckle out of you.

“Your thoughts on coffee?” He continues.

Your nose wrinkles “Bitter garbage.”

He puts his hands up to surrender. “I respect wrong answers.”

“Pet Peeve?”

He looks up at the ceiling and takes a moment to really think about it. “When I have nothing good to trade for coffee.”  He takes another few seconds to think of another good question before he hits the lottery. “Why don’t you like winter so much?”

A loaded and good question indeed.

You shrug. “Cause.”

You get an eyebrow raise. “Cause?”

“Cause I don’t know-“ You go back to picking at your nails. It’s become a habit, doing it every time you’re nervous. “The world already looks dead and winter comes along and makes it even more dead.”

“That why you like flowers so much?”

It was your turn to raise an eyebrow. “You’re not even letting me ask a question before you ask me another one?”

This flusters him. “No, I just-“

Embarrassed Joel Miller. Never thought you’d get to check that off your bingo card.

A wide smile breaks on your lips. “ I’m just kidding, Joel.” He lets out a sort of grumble and it makes you smile even wider. “That’s a part of it sure.” Your eyes haze over as you start to remember life as it once was. “My folks were florists” you start to explain “before all this shit went down.” It was a small shop, with wide glass windows, and plants of every kind. “Hated it. Didn’t want anything to do with em’ especially my father, some dumb teenage kid who thought it was embarrassing.” You scoff. “But taking care of plants was the only thing I was good at, held it to my chest like a life-line.”

Memories play in front of you like an old film. Sometimes you forget that there was something before all of this.

All this carnage.

All this wreck.

“Before my dad died, not to this, thank god, he kept on trying to take care of the shop.” You recall his pale ill-stricken face and frail hands.  “I got mad, made a fuss, yelled why he’d take care of some dumb flowers but not himself, and you know what he said?”

You remember his words, as clear as crystal, even twenty years later.

“Isn’t it a wonderful thing that these flowers still grow? Despite all the noise and all the chaos, something as beautiful and as frail as this is surviving. When I think of the way I’m helping that, I can’t possibly suffer.”

Joel stays silent at your admission.

You notice that you may have gone a little overboard.

Jesus- dump it all on him why don’t you?

Trying to make the mood lighter, you quickly change the subject. “Besides, when it’s summer, Ellie visits me more.” Joel Miller chuckles at the mention of the girl. You decide then it’s definitely one of your favourite sounds. “I like seeing the two of you together.”

“Hm?”

“You both always seem so lost in your own world. Nice to see, considering you got that grumpy scowl on all the time.”

“That right?”

“Uh-huh.”

He slowly nods, gazing back at the fire. “Some of us aren’t monsters and smile 24/7 like you do.”

You’re offended by the comment. “Wha- I do not!” You exclaim. “What’s wrong with smiling anyways?”

Even more chuckling. He’s getting real comfortable with doing that. “Nothing, when it comes to you anyways” he remedies “But you do it all the time, watering people’s yards, baking them an apple pie, hell, I’m pretty sure you laughed when you slipped on ice this morning. You got your emotions all over your face you know that? Infects all of Jackson.” He takes a slight pause. “Reminds me of Ellie.”

“Oh god, you saw that this morning?”

“Oh yeah,” He teases, words elongated in that Southern drawl. “Mitts flying into the air and everything.”

Your face practically feels like an oven. “How do you even know about all of that?”

Joel shrugs. “Cause.”

“Cause?”

“Maybe you haven’t been the only one staring for god knows how long.”

Time stops.

Suddenly, air doesn’t matter, heat doesn’t even come close to existing. A supernova could happen, and you’d sit here just as shell-shocked. Nothing matters other than Joel.

Joel and his stupid accent.

Joel and what he just said with that stupid accent.

You swallow thickly and bless your heart, you don’t know what comes over you, but you take a chance to keep pushing. “You think I’m gonna “infect you” with tons of smiles soon too, cowboy?”

He doesn’t reply all to quickly, and for those couple of seconds where all you can here is the fire crackle and the wind whipping outside, it feels like a brick ton is laid upon your shoulders.

“Maybe you already have.”

Goddamn.

All the stolen glances you’ve taken of him flashes in your mind.

“Joel,” you mutter. The man beside you continues to stare at the fire, refusing to make eye contact with you. “Joel.” You repeat, more firm with your tone.

He finally decides to look in your direction and God- your heart pounds so hard, you think it might just come out of your chest. Those eyes. Those damn coffee-coloured eyes of his that usually looks so cold, so despondent are the warmest colour of molten chocolate you’ve ever seen. You can tell he’s clenching his jaw and the view almost knocks you out cold.

With a shaky breath, you start to messily list all the things you’ve always wanted to say. “Tell me now if I’m taking this the wrong way so I don’t keep embarrassing myself, but I swear to everything I hold sacred, if I don’t kiss you right now, I’m going to have a very frustrating ni-“

A growl from Joel cuts you off and before you know it, he’s crossing oceans to get to you. A strong hand grips you by the neck, and firm lips plant themselves squarely on yours.

It’s pathetic how fast you keen under his touch, how fast you grab the collar of his shirt to draw him closer to you. You open your mouth to moan and he takes that chance to slip his tongue inside of your mouth. It’s dizzying, downright intoxicating the way Joel kisses you. The way you’re kissing each other is every look, every stare, every word that was ever left unsaid between the both of you that’s exploding into something cosmic.

You lift yourself up and straddle his lap. You press down and feel the growing hardness in Joel’s jeans. He groans into your mouth and you continue to press your hips down farther.

Joel stops kissing you. A needy whine escapes your lips. “Are you sure you want this darlin’?”

Your panting is heady. “Joel if you don’t fuck me right now, I’ll have the liberty of fucking myself with my fing-“

You know you sound downright hopeless, but you’ve been wanting for so damn long.

He flips you down onto the sleeping bags so fast, you don’t even have time to finish. He rucks up your shirt and starts to pepper small kisses from the center of your breasts, down to your stomach. It makes you whimper as you continue to finish taking of your top.

Joel gets to quickly unbuttoning the rest of your clothes, peeling the jeans off of your body until all you have on is your bra and panties. He hovers over you and takes off his own shirt. He’s all muscle and hard chest. The mere sight of him shirtless drenches your underwear faster. He takes a few seconds to peer at your half-naked form. “Damn, you’re a sight.”

“So are you.” You admit in a small voice.

He wastes no time, delving back in between your legs. He slides down your underwear and immediately ghosts his fingers over your cunt. Shivers run down your body as your eyes close in bliss.

“You imagine it was my fingers?” His dark voice pulls you back.

“Ever since I first set my eyes on you Miller.” You heatedly reply.

“Great,” he pushes two fingers inside you making you boom a moan towards the ceiling. “Been thinking it was your fingers around my cock too.

He works into you, his fingers large and stocky. Joel starts off slow, languid, making sure to tease every reaction out of you. You don’t think it’s possible to get wetter than you already are, but every thrust of his fingers proves you wrong. He curls both at the same time, and your hips immediately lift from the pressure. Joel pushes you down with his other hand. “Na-ah darlin’,” That southern drawl of his is deeper, lazier than usual “I finally got you where I want you, you’re not going anywhere.”

As he keeps your hips down with his palm, Joel increases the speed of his fingers. “Why didn’t-“ you choke “you do anything earlier then?”

A mocking scoff leaves him. “You’re too good for me, doll. Got too many issues. “

“Then why now?”

“Because I’m still a selfish fucking asshole.” He groans, rotating his thumb around your clit. “And when you sit in front of me, all flushed and pretty, asking me to fuck you, how could I possibly have the strength to say no?”

You see Joel spit on your slit and it’s what does it for you. A rush of electricity passes through your body and it renders you senseless. You mewl and twist in his hold, but Joel makes sure to hold you through your orgasm.

Your mind is hazy, it turns into a mixture of fog and smoke, but your refuse to leave him hanging. After a few seconds, you prop yourself up and kneel right in front of him. Not breaking eye contact for even a moment, you take your hand and start to palm his length over his jeans. He trembles beneath you, jaw clenching as he lets out a groan. You slowly unbuckle his belt, pulling down the rest of his clothing and waste no time finally gripping him directly.

Shit, you knew a man like him would be big, but this is-

The sound that comes from Joel’s throat is devastating. Somewhere between pant and moan, losing total control. He thumps his head on your shoulder, seeking out the crook of your neck. You continue to work his cock, building up speed, tightening your grip. His tip leaks pre-cum and the way he bunches up your hair desperately, like he needs to hold onto something to keep from losing control only prompts you to keep going. The feeling of power is addicting. “Don’t mess with me” Joel Miller keening under your touch.

He suddenly pulls your hair and it’s enough of a shock to make you stop your hand and whine. “I know you’re having fun doll, but you keep doing that and I’ll finish. Waited too damn long for that to happen.” He grabs you by the hips and flips you over making you let out a small yelp. He positions you so that your ass is towards him. “Bend.” He orders.

So you do.

He palms your ass and gives it a spank. “Do you know how long I’ve been wanting to touch this? Flaunting it around-“ He squeezes “shoving it in my direction, wearing those pretty dresses of yours.”

“Ever think it was on purpose?”

There’s another slap to your ass to respond to your comment.

He lines up his cock to your entrance, gliding his tip to coat it in your wetness. You quiver, breath hitching, skin prickling.

“If I fuck you, there’s no going back for me darlin’, if you want me to stop you have to tell me right now.”

You groan in frustration. “Fuck me Joel, please just-“

He buries his full length into you all in one thrust.

You think you’re ascending to heaven, knocking on the pearly white gates itself. He gives you a couple of seconds to get accustomed to his massive size. “You okay?”

“Mmhm?” Is all you can make out, trying to nod your head that’s pressed up against your sleeping bag.

“Good,” he starts to move as you cry out in pleasure. “Tell me to stop and I will, but otherwise-“ He shoves himself even deeper. “I’m not holdin’ back.”

Joel sets up a brutal pace from the beginning. He grips your ass tight, making sure you’re taking everything he has to give and all you can do is let him. There’s nowhere for you to go as he drives his hips into you, fully filling you up with every fast snap of his hips. To say it’s overwhelming would be a complete understatement.

Are you sure this is the same Joel Miller? Cool, calm, composed Joel Miller that has everyone quaking in their boots the minute he holds a knife or a gun. Because right now, he’s so undone. There’s no pattern to the way he moves in you, no finesse, just pure want.

He places his hand that was on your ass to your scalp. He pulls you up using your hair and once you’re flush against his back, he grasps your neck, continuing his unrelenting tempo to your pussy. You tighten around him.

“You like that huh?” He comments in an amused tone. “Who knew the town sweetheart was so fucking naughty like this.” You want to try and come up with a witty response, but all that comes out is a garbled moan. “Actually, don’t tell me. I’d kill anybody who does know.”

His thumb raises to your lips and you take the liberties of sucking it into your mouth. His hold on your neck slackens and the sudden rush of oxygen to your head has you teetering on the edge of consciousness. He takes his arm that’s around your stomach and travels it down further to your swollen cunt. Joel starts to roll your clit between his fingers and you think you’ll really black-out then.

“God, such a good girl, even when taking cock.” He whispers into your ear. You clench around him even harder this time and he knows you’re close. “You gonna come doll? Gonna come on my cock?”

A needy whine escapes your throat. Each roll, each rut, each jerk, grows more intense as each second passes. “C’mon,” he coaxes “do it.” With one last pinch to your sensitive clit, your muscles tighten and heat spreads across your skin. Your walls flutter and as your eyes roll back, vision blurring, you are hurled into your climax. With a choked sob, you slump forwards and the only thing helping you stay up is Joel’s hold. He follows you shortly after, sputtering your name on his lips. Pulling out quickly, he comes on your back.

Joel slowly lowers down the both of you, making sure not to crush you with his weight from behind. It was so gentle, so benign you struggled to relate it to the man furiously fucking you just a few moments earlier. Nothing but your pants fill the air for a while. You’re sticky all over, sweat and come coating your skin. Your body was buzzing from both pain and pleasure, but you couldn’t care less.

You roll your body so you can look at him. Joel’s face was and wasn’t everything you expected it to look like. You expect the flush, the hair sticking to his forehead, the clench of his jaw. What you don’t expect is the softness in his usual impenetrable gaze.

“I’m sorry.” He grumbles.

Your eyebrows knit and you place a palm against his cheek. Joel all but melts into your touch. “What for?”

“For wanting you this much.”

Taking both your arms, you wrap them around his neck and pull him towards you. He lays against you, hie ear right beside your mouth. “Thank you.” You whisper.

“What for?

“Wanting me this much.”

You hear his sharp intake of air and smile. You continue to pet his hair, peppering small kisses on his forehead. “I want you too, Joel.”

“You shouldn’t.”  He mutters a tired reply.

“But I do.” You take a deep breath and let him know all your thoughts. “I want all your grumpy stares, and your grunted words- You pause to give him another kiss “Your silent kindness, and that rare smile of yours.” Joel doesn’t say anything back so you continue to talk. “All of it. Will you let me have all of it?”

He pulls himself back, just enough to gaze back at you, full of admiration. “Just let me have all of you too.”

The beating of your heart doesn’t speed, doesn’t flutter past the finish line, instead opting for a slow steady pace, But the feeling in your chest was so heavy, so full, that you couldn’t mistake it for anything other than devotion. You grin from ear to ear. “Who would be able to say no at getting a chance to annoy you with more conversation.”

He lifts an eyebrow, and it only makes your heart fill up with even more with adoration.

This man that you’ve been pining for, holding you close here. Now.

You don’t know what will happen tomorrow. Hell, you don’t know what will happen a few seconds from now, how this whole unpolished attraction between the two of you will buff out. The wind is still howling outside, whipping away at all the destruction and the carnage happening around you, but for now the world is still. The both of you are inside this cabin in the woods and for now, you don’t think, don’t plan, only exist and it is everything.

Maybe later you can hope that in this winter, something beautiful and strong can grow too.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It’s late in the evening when you finally get to relax the next day. Once the both of you had returned to Jackson, there were too many errands that had to be rushed in the time that you missed. Nothing else could be said other then a quick farewell between each other.

As you drag your exhausted body up the stairs of your porch, you almost don’t notice the flower in front of your doorstep, nearly stepping on it.

A wave of warmth comes rushing up from your toes.

You beam as you crouch and pick up a singular red rose attached with a note that says “Come over. We didn’t finish our game of twenty questions.”

- - - - - - - -

Want More?

[tldix]

started with trouble

summary: Joel doesn’t know what to expect, but it definitely isn’t you. Tess’ long time friend through the trade business. after agreeing to work with Joel & Tess, Joel quickly finds out you’re the only one who can get under his skin.

pt.1

warnings: mature 18+, TLOU content, slow burn, yearning, enemies to lovers, series

joel millerXf!reader

A/N: wow okay my first fic!! pls lmk your thoughts & expressions. i worked so hard on this, so i hope you love it as much as i do! i take recs! with all these being said, i hope you enjoy this crazy, funny, heart wrenching, amazing, piece i’m creating. happy reading 🩶

you were tess’ closest friend, other than Joel Miller of course. you heard countless stories of him, how heroic he was. how “bad ass”. you were intimidated to say the least. him on the other hand, he swore he heard your name pass through tess’ lips but he couldn’t place it. the last 20 years were a blur & he often times found himself always becoming too consumed in grief to function. most days, it seemed he lived on auto pilot. turning into his absolute worst self, someone he never imagined he could be. losing a kid will do that to you. it’s the only thought that crosses his mind, would sarah even still see him as the father she loved? he drowns these thoughts, never letting them see the light of day.

little did Joel know, you had quite the reputation. i mean hell, your nickname was trouble for crying out loud. when tess was trying to convince joel that you were the perfect choice for their need of extra muscle on this run. joel was reluctant, he didn’t like doing business with anyone new let alone side by side. was tess actually losing it now?

“cmon joel, i wouldn’t even suggest her if i didn’t think she was a good fit.”

joel grunts, placing his knife on the table aggressively as he faces away from tess, he feels the familiar feeling of rage bubbling in his stomach. he takes a deep breath & he seethes out

“what makes you so convinced she won’t turn on us the second she gets the chance?”

i mean joel couldn’t think of any other thing than this, what if you were working along FEDRA? or worse, what if you worked with the fireflies & you were just looking for resources for them? after tommy left with the fireflies, joel couldn’t help but feel even more indifferent about them.

on the way to the meet spot, tess quickly informed him of your less than pleasing reputation. sure, you were quick witted, resourceful, & a little to reckless for your own good. unfortunately this sent every alarm off in joel’s head but he remained silent, grunting occasionally to let tess know he was listening. this was insane? was he actually doing this? he sighs as his eyes meet the alley way you said you’d be in. joel met your eyes once but didn’t let them linger, he quickly averted his gaze to something seemingly far more interesting behind you. you smirked at tess

“tessy, always a pleasure”

tess pulls you into a half hug as she introduces joel

“this is joel, my partner i told you about” you offer him a tight lipped smile, one that doesn’t quite meet your eyes. he grunts in response as you offer him your name.

tess sighs

“joel we need her”

joel huffs

“we don’t need anyone”

this pulls a chuckle from you

“good thing i don’t need your approval cowboy”

joel quickly finds himself regretting tess’ convincing as he is desperate to be several paces ahead of you & Tess, finding it impossible to linger near a stranger for so long. especially one with a mouth like you had.

when tess convinced herself joel was far enough out of ear shot, she nugged you & whispered

“don’t take it personal. just don’t piss him off”

you smirk back as you whisper making sure it’s loud enough for joel to hear

“pissing people off is part of my charm tessy”

-

as they enter their usual meeting spot, their supplier robert’s ‘fortress’ as you called it when you first entered, joel was beginning to be very very annoyed with your endless antics. it seemed you never ran out of jabs or questioning every method.

“you ever think of trying a plan that doesn’t involve scowling your way through it?”

joel grunts, shaking his head as he pulls his pack back over his shoulders

“you ever think ‘bout shuttin’ up?”

you chuckle, you actually fucking chuckle at him. he rolls his eyes as he finally sees who he hopes is robert. what he doesn’t expect is the ambush.

4 men seemingly come out of nowhere, a sharp force catching joel off guard as he scrambles for a weapon. he hears tess let out a groan of pain, as he takes out the first man he frantically glances around trying to find the source. usually joel’s a man always on his toes, he hardly ever got snuck up on. if they did succeed it always ended the same, blood on joel’s hands. so to say he got taken by surprise that day twice was like telling him he’d have real coffee again. nearingly impossible. as the man finds himself on top of joel, strangling him while having joel’s arms tucked under the attackers knees, he’s helpless. he can’t shimmy out, he can’t breathe. he closes his eyes. feeling the emptiness of the lingering darkness he feels consuming him slowly, until everything comes swirling back & he feels a heavy weight slump on his chest. he opens his eyes, seeing you smirking. covered in blood with a hand extended.

“you’re welcome cowboy”

joel shoves the man off him, standing quickly as he grabs his discarded weapon & ignores your hand

he practically growls as he walks past

tess sighs

“you two are worse than children”

-

at the end of the seemingly successful mission, Tess finds herself offering for you to stay at their shared apartment until morning. joel grunts & opens his mouth to insist but he’s met with a cold glare from tess, he decided he lost enough battles today & he wasn’t doing himself any good trying to argue.

that’s how he found himself sitting in the living room as you shuffled through the books on the book shelf, tess gone to bed hours ago. joel didn’t feel comfortable, regardless if you saved his ass today you were still a stranger. maybe not to tess but definitely to him. he decided staying watch in his own apartment was probably his least favorite thing to do; he lets his mind wander to the thoughts that desperately tried their damndest too consume him but before they reach your voice pierces through

“do you ever talk, or is the silent grumpy glaring guy your default setting?”

you say as you plop down on the couch, holding a copy of pride & prejudice; one joel got on a trade a few months back. he’d been meaning to pick it up himself but he ever found the time.

joel grunts, glancing at you as he says

“talkin’ wastes energy”

you snicker as you open the book, you glance over the top as you say

“you must have a ton saved up then”

joel rolls his eyes, reverting his gaze out the window, it seemed only seconds went by. he heard your evened breathing before he glanced at you, seeing you so at peace. he felt a sense of something he hadn’t felt in a long time, hope? he couldn’t tell. maybe it was the moonlight casting your face in just the right way, maybe it’s because it’s the first time he hasn’t seen you jittery so he can finally take you in. he can’t deny, you’re painfully beautiful. he finds his eyes lingering for too long before he reverts his gaze back to the moon. his eyes grew heavy as he rested his head back, letting his eyes flutter closed.

-

2 months later

you found yourself to be tess & joel’s regular snuggling partner, joel still had his doubts but he couldn’t argue. he seen your commitment, you definitely lived up to your reputation. it seemed every buyer was friendlier, more generous. tess insisted it was your charm, you had a way of making people feel comfortable & joel couldn’t argue with that. as much as he refused to admit it.

what he didn’t like about your reputation was how reckless you were, he especially didn’t like when you proved your reputation to be true on it too. during this run, you found yourself running directly into gunfire over the dropped supplies the raiders had dropped. you weren’t one to turn down any chance to bring back as much as you could, tess was held up behind a crate. covering you as joel felt fear coming up his throat in the form of bile. why were you so impulsive? you could always get more supplies, he would always take the risk. why did you feel the need? he felt the rage seething through his bones. his heart stopped as a bullet wizzed by your head.

as the last man drops, joel angrily pulls you aside as tess accesses the supplies you gathered

joel seethes as he delivers the first blow

“what the hell were you thinkin? you could’ve gotten us killed?!”

you shrug, still breathless as you wipe the blood from the cut on your brow

“i got the supplies, didn’t i?”

joel’s glare could’ve killed a nun, it was a look you imagined only lucifer himself could deliver

“next time, you listen to me”

you sigh as you grab your pack

“next time, you keep up”

the tension was thick, tess was tempted to slide on the gas mask just so she could breathe through it. she turns to face you & joel as she utters

“if i have to referee one more fight, im leaving you both behind”

-

a few weeks later, you find yourself mindless walking through joel & tess’ apartment. at this point, other than living full time with your grandpa you found this being your second home. your grandpa has a shift on sewer duty today, you and absolutely nothing better to do than come pester tess. praying joel also took a similar job since your runs had to be put on pause. FEDRA agents were getting suspicious, patrolling in eras they usually avoided. it all seemed too much for joel, at first you argued he was just paranoid old man but then you took notice too & reluctantly agreed.

you found yourself visiting more, trades were all you did. with that being flushed at the moment you had endless time on your hands & enough ration cards to feed a small army. you didn’t feel the need to work horrible jobs, your grandpa did it just to give himself something to do. he was very reluctant to learn about you ‘business’.

“trouble, don’t get in somethin’ you can’t get out of. we’re fine how we’re livin”

you sigh

“grandpa, i’m safe. promise. just making sure you’re took care of”

your grandpa sighs, letting his head fall

“i should be taking care of you trouble, not the other way round”

you quickly find yourself throwing your arms over your grandpa, mindlessly fidgeting with his army tags that he proudly wears everyday

“don’t start that nonsense. you’ve kept me alive all these years, it’s the least i can do”

you didn’t expect to find joel looking so peaceful, you almost wanna pinch yourself to see if you’re dreaming but your mind catches you. not yet. joel’s humming, it sounds like “hey jude” as he mindlessly tries to repair the broken watch he wears daily. now that you think of it, does he ever take it off?

“didn’t think you were the sentimental type”

your presence obviously startled him, he glanced up quickly letting you read his expression. startled, guarded, a tiny bit grumpy but there was something more. something you couldn’t quite place.

“it’s none of your business trouble”

you push off the door frame you found yourself leaning on as a small smile falls on your face, joel tries to read your expression this time. this isn’t the playful teasing smile you usually have on display. no, this smiles the smile you reserve when you mention something you love. the smile you share with tess, the one he only gets glimpses at.

“don’t worry cowboy, i won’t tell anyone you have a heart”

for the first time, joel doesn’t snap back. he just watches you for a moment, retreating down the hall. probably going to pick up the book you’ve been reading. he shakes you from his thoughts as he glances back down to return to his work. catching a glimpse of himself in the broken glass, he sees the tinest smile grazing his face.

-

a month passes & the trio find themselves on runs again, this time with a bit of a different dynamic. joel doesn’t veer off as far now, finding himself enjoying the small talk you & tess share. this is how he learns the most about you, not because he says anything. he’s not sure what to say. he knows you live with your grandpa. that he absolutely adores you & says you’re his “second chance at being the dad he never got to be”. joel found himself questioning on what this really meant? he knew he was a vet, was he deployed when your parents were kids? did you get raised by your parents? were they even around? joel found himself wondering about you, wanting to learn more. any information he got, he held close. so the more he listened the more he learned. he knows your favorite color is green, dark forest green. not the neon “disgrace of the color”. he knows you have a brother. or had a brother. you get cold & distant when you mention him, was he still out there? like tommy? he knows you prefer old rock music, you have a huge sweet tooth. he noticed the wrinkle between your brows as you read, it seemingly disappearing as you turn the page but returning as soon as your eyes skim the new context. he noticed the way your eyes lit up whenever you passed by a group of wild flowers. of course joel would never admit it to you, any of these things to you. didn’t mean he didn’t notice.

his thoughts were so clouded, on the way back after such a successful run he was overjoyed. tess decided to take a different route to drop off some of the supplies, she was promised some aged bourbon & a cassette of led zeppelin’s V album. joel was content, he hadn’t felt this way in such a long time. he should’ve known it wouldn’t last. he was so spaced out he didn’t see the 3 FEDRA officers approaching. he also didn’t seem to hear you calling out his name, by the time he realized you were already luring them the opposite way. joel was shocked, he felt a new found rage run through his veins like ice as he refused to leave you behind. as he started your way, he realized this wasn’t rage. this was fear. fear he hadn’t felt since sarah.

he found himself sneaking around the alleyway, finding an advantage point to pounce on the officer trailing the end. he takes him out silently, pulling the officers knife from his waist, he makes his way up behind the 2nd officer. making a quick job of it, the last officer finally heard the drop of the body as he turned he was met with a furious & blood thirsty joel. as he watched the last soldier crumble he catches a glimpse of your signature green jacket, he quickly grabs you up & leads you directly to the apartment

as he quickly walks inside, dragging you along with him he finally feels a flood of relief. he releases his grip on your coat before letting out an infuriating grunt. remember that look seemingly on lucifer & now joel miller could give? yeah, it was worse than you imagined.

“what the hell were you doin’ out there?” he practically seethed.

you smirk, despite the situation. knowing you’re getting under his skin

“saving your ass miller. again.”

joel pinches the bridge of his nose before plopping down on the beat up couch & running a hand through his hair. he knows you can handle your own. he’s seen it first hand. so why was he feeling so scared? anxious even?

“you’re a pain in mine. ya know that?”

you plop down beside him, awaiting tess’ arrival as you mutter

“& yet, you keep dragging me out of trouble”

-

another few weeks pass & you start to notice joel’s gruff exterior is cracking. you notice how joel’s always ensuring you eat, that you & your grandpa both have enough. he took it upon himself to actually go meet your grandfather, informing him that you actually indeed did hold your own. that you didn’t take any shit, you were probably the strongest woman he knew. of course joel would never let you hear this words come out of his mouth. wouldn’t let tess hear them either. your grandpa gave joel a look, a look that made joel feel like he could see right through him. like he was a ghost haunting your home & your grandpa had him deciphered down to every exact pin point. since the world ended & everything went to shit after he lost sarah he never felt intimidated. never felt scared, but boy did your grandpa terrify the living daylights out of him with that wordless stare.

it wasn’t just this either, he always checked your weapons personally before any trades. making sure you had enough ammo & your flashlight had batteries before he even considered leaving the apartment. during fights, he never left your side. knowing all too well how impulsive & reckless you were, he was surprised you only ended up with a few dings & scrapes. a bullet graze twice. a couple stitches here & there. he wouldn’t let that happen again, absolutely couldn’t.

the night following a big job, you decided to crash on the well worn couch in joel’s apartment. your body swore & worn from the extensive journey. the blanket you brought over, strung over the back as you slide your boots off. the silence between you & joel carried tension, not the uncomfortable “i don’t want you here. you’re a stranger. get out” tension anymore, but something unreadable. you placed the book down as you glance over to joel, finding his eyes already lingering on you

“ya know, you care more than you let on”

joel immediately averts his gaze, staring out the window looking at the moon. he doesn’t respond but the way his jaw tightened was all the answer you needed

-

the next trade you go on, tess has a feeling about it. she doesn’t mention it of course, she just knows this buyer. Barry, was a good loyal buyer. always had the shit to spare. never really was specific, would take really anything they had to offer. but barry here has always taken a distinct liking to you. never backing down, always finding a way to smooth talk you. tess may act oblivious but she isn’t stupid. she’s realized the way joel seems happier with you around, she notices the way his eyes follow your every move. she even catches a few smiles on his face as your head turns. yeah. she isn’t stupid. so she isn’t shocked to admit this trade, may not go as expected.

you walk beside tess, talking a little about everything. from cars you used to think were cool, to asking questions like “do you think any astronauts got stuck in space when the world ended?”. tess laughed, but it wasn’t her usual laugh. you shrugged it off but joel took notice. was she nervous? tess was never nervous, on rare occasion she’d show the slightest bit of hesitation but never out right anxiety. this made joel’s mind race

what he didn’t expect, was this. raiders? sure, runners or clickers? yeah. usually a few, but no. this was far worse than any thing the end of the world brought. here this guy, bailey? barry? joel didn’t remember. as soon as he seen the guy graze your arm, all he seen was red.

“i’ve never met a woman as skilled as you are trouble, here take a few more cards. my treat”

the man winks at you, before you can say a word joel finds himself cutting in. before he can even process what he’s doing the words are already out

“she ain’t interested”

barry, whatever the fuck his name is asks

“are you sure about that?”

his eyes rake over you, joel grunts & lets the glare sink into his features

“postive.”

the man shrugs as he throws his hands up in mock defense, on the way back tess can’t help but bite back her smirk as she watches you jogging to catch up to joel

“didn’t know you cared cowboy”

you say with a smirk, of course you do. joel averts his gaze; his skin burning hot. hopefully he can just blame it on the sun, his brows are lined with sweat so it wouldn’t be completely unbelievable. he knows if he even spares a glance your way he’ll fold incredibly fast though so he thought it’s best not to chance it

he clench’s his jaw as he grunts out

“i don’t. just don’t need idiots like him fuckin’ up our deals”

you smirk to yourself as you fall back into step with tess, she glances to you then to the back of joel’s head as she shakes her head

-

it was late, if joel’s watch worked he’d have guested it was around 2am. unfortunately it was still stuck on the time his world ended. when sarah was taken from him. the bourbon tess traded for was half empty on the table. tess passed out on the corner of the couch. she drunkenly agreeing to giving you her bed for the night after you pulled her shoes off & tucked her in with the blanket you kept there.

“trouble i’m sleeping here. ain’t movin’”

she muttered out before she ultimately passed out, it was enduring but quite hilarious really. seeing your friends drinking in a world like this. let alone drunk, that was definitely a story you’d be telling every chance you got.

the night was peaceful now, the card games ended. the talk of future conquests & hopes of what you could trade for died on early in the night. it was just you & joel now, each nursing a glass of bourdon. feeling unbelievably tipsy you decided to bite the bullet & just ask joel. how would you ever know if you didn’t ask?

“tell me bout what you did before all this. what was your normal?”

you found yourself rushing it out before you gave yourself any second thoughts, you looked up at joel before shooting back the rest of the bourbon. he had a hesitant look in his eyes, the liquid courage definitely helping the sudden confidence he had to confide in you. he glanced at his watch again before he said

“had a daughter once. she was my everythin’”

joel quickly shot back the last of his bourbon as well, suddenly feeling very vulnerable. he never told anyone about sarah. not even tess knew; this was all new to him. was it too much? as he began to spiral your voice broke through the barrier

he half expected a snarky comment, something to lighten the mood but he doesn’t get that. instead he gets something he doesn’t know how to comprehend.

“she’d be proud of you, ya know? for surviving all this.”

joel finds himself glancing to the floor, hes at a loss for words. all this time he’s worried, would his baby girl be ashamed of the man he’s become? would she even love him? he never let that thought cross his mind, he doesn’t know what to say so he doesn’t say anything. you’re back in that comfortable silence. one that you only find with joel. your words stick with him, they’re now tattooed in. hoping to replace all the thoughts that are consumed with drowning him

-

as the month passed, it had been almost a year since you joined joel & tess’ team. you found yourself enjoying being over at theirs. you loved having them over for dinner with your grandpa. joel listened to every word your grandpa spoke, war stories, stories from your childhood like when you lit his shed on fire by trying to make “homemade fireworks”. joel let out a laugh, a deep belly laugh. this didn’t go unnoticed by tess, hell it wouldn’t have went unnoticed by you if you weren’t down the hall digging out some chest board your grandpa swore he still had. you enjoyed these nights, your worlds colliding. your grandpa understanding you were surrounded by good people, people that looked after you. that loved you.

the bickering between you & joel never stopped, if anything it’s at an all time high. the tensions palpable, if you’re not forcing a laugh out of joel you’re sending death threats with your eyes. it’s silly, to tess anyways. she can’t help but laugh, you find yourself in situations that are damn near humanly impossible, laughing when you get away from the 30th near death experience of the week & joels absolute seething. she’s convinced your an adrenaline junkie. that or you really wanna give joel a heartattack.

one evening though, as tess sunk into the couch she couldn’t help but think “this is how married couples fight”

you’re talking about a plan, neither you nor joel can agree on one aspect of the plan. usually by now, tess woukd intervene & agree with whoever’s sounded more logical. often times joel but occasionally you, she decided she wouldn’t cut in tonight. maybe if you were at each others throats long enough with no interruptions things could potentially progress. your words bounce off the walls as you smirk at joel

“let me guess- your plan is to glare them into submission?”

joel quips back

“& what’s yours? annoy ‘em to death?”

you roll your eyes as you turn towards the kitchen, joel sighs as he stomps over to the couch. everyone knows you care for each other in ways you won’t say out loud, trust each other. everyone but you & joel miller.

-

the following night, tess decided to pull joel aside. you went back to your grandpas, saying you’ll be there as early as possible (knowing you, it’ll be 11 the earliest). joel was reluctant. he didn’t like feeling so small under tess gaze, he wasn’t used to this. he had a feeling what this was about though he just prayed she wouldn’t dare speak on it. he knew she wasn’t stupid, he just hoped she was oblivious. joel knew better than to think that, she knew joel better than anyone besides tommy & thank god you hadn’t had to go through all that yet.

tess sighs

“you know what im gunna say miller”

joel grunts as he continues unpacking his bag, placing his new ration cards in the lose boards of the floor. tess speaks up again

“you know, she likes you right?”

joel sighs but answers just as gruffly as before, turning his back to tess as he mumbles

“she’s a pain in my ass”

tess laughs

“yeah & you’re smiling more than you have in years joel. don’t fuck it up”

-

[loquaciousferret]

Going to start working on a masterlist soon cause I have a few works in progress

But for now… Officially two completed Joel Miller fics!

Bad People (Joel MillerxF!Reader, 18+ for smut, very lowkey dom/sub dynamics, praise kink, age gap, alcohol consumption)

The Moon and Me (Joel MillerxF!Reader, 18+ for smut and mature themes including mentions of death, alcohol consumption, age gap)

Thank you for reading!

[ashleyfilm]

Seeing Clearly - Chapter 6. The Nightmare

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Chapter Warnings: cursing, SMUT, angst *im sorry* - Minors - DNI

Characters: Jackson!Joel Miller x F!Reader Plus Size. F!OC was recommended to me since there's a lot of description of her but I'm writing her as You (Reader) so hopefully you can still imagine yourself. Black hair, glasses, tattoos, big body, wears dark clothes, won't stop talking. Joel is tv show Jackson Joel.

Story Summary: Joel just saved your life, begrudgingly. He doesn't know exactly why but he brings you back to Jackson and you ingratiate yourself into his very small circle and his life. This takes place after season 1 of TLOU and season 2 doesn't exist in my brain because no.

Chapter Summary: The Nightmares that have plagued you come back and Joel helps you through it, but getting closer isn't easy. 1.2K

Thank you to @saradika-graphics for the book line divider. :)

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5

Chapter 6. The Nightmare

By some miracle, you haven’t had any of your nightmares since you arrived in Jackson two weeks ago. That is until early this morning when, in your sleep, you toss and turn and yell until you’re woken up by Joel’s large hands on your shoulders and his warm breath in your face. “Hey, hey, shhh, you’re okay. It was a nightmare, you’re okay. Look at me.” You realize your cheeks are wet, how long have you been crying? “Joel?” Your voice is scratchy, how long have you been yelling? “Darlin’, you didn’t wake up for me. It took almost ten minutes of me shaking you to wake you up,” Joel says, quietly as he can but you hear so much pain in his voice. “I’m sorry,” you say, “Raiders, I was caught for, for...two years, a little while before I came here. The nightmares, I haven’t had one since I got here, I thought maybe I wouldn’t. I’m so sorry.” Joel is kneeling next to your bed, hands loosening around you, and you see he’s in his pajamas and his hair is all messy from sleep. He sits back a bit, and you see he’s visibly angry, “Nothin’ to be sorry about. That’s never gonna happen to you again, I promise you that.” Still trying to catch your breath you say, “You can’t promise that, Joel.” He sits up again, closer to you. “You are here now, look at me,” and you do, its blurry without your glasses but he’s so close you can see into his eyes, “You’re here now and I’m not going to let anything hurt you like that ever again.” You try to nod but he continues, “Oh, god, you’re shaking so much. What can I do?” After a moment of silence you ask, “Will, will you hold me?” and before you can finish your question, he climbs up beside you, puts his arms around you and has your cheek resting over his heart that’s beating wildly. As his heart calms, so do you and you fall back asleep.

When you wake, you’re disoriented. You’re asleep on your side but you feel a large, warm presence behind you, and a large arm draped over you. For a moment, you freeze in terror and Joel, who was already awake feels the shift, grabbing you gently but firm to turn you so you face him. He says your name over and over, looking into your eyes and you finally breathe. Then he can finally breathe, and he lays his forehead against yours hovering over you, his eyes closed. Before you can think, you reach up to cup his cheek and he leans into it, snuggling your palm. And you think you’ve never felt this safe in your whole life. You’re so close. It would only take a slight movement of your neck, and your lips would touch. And then they do. His lips are so soft and so warm and your lips slot so perfectly with his. He doesn’t hesitate to deepen the kiss, licking at your bottom lip with his tongue, begging to be let in. You gladly welcome him, and he licks into your mouth, exploring you, tasting you. He tastes like mint and a hint of late-night coffee. Without thought, both your bodies start to move with each other and a moan escapes your lips only to be swallowed by Joel’s ravenous mouth against yours. You feel his hardness on your thigh, rubbing up against you. You start to run your fingers through his beautiful hair. It’s so soft.

Suddenly, there’s a slam of a door, “Joel?” Tommy yells from downstairs and Joel jerks away from you. Wild-eyed, dark and full of desire, lips pink and swollen from kissing. He stands up off the bed and you’re still trying to catch your breath, laid out on the bed in front of him, looking open and wanting. You can feel the slick pooling at the entrance between your legs. “It’s Tommy, I gotta,” he starts. “I know, it’s okay.” You smile shyly at him; he doesn’t smile back. And then he’s gone. You lay your head back on the pillow and sigh. Smiling ear to ear but also nervous about what almost happened. Does he want you as much as you want him? Fuck, you hope so. After what you’ve been through, you deserve to have something you want, right?  You roll over to find the pillow Joel was laying on and inhale his scent.

A bit later, and fully dressed, you make your way downstairs to see Joel standing in the living room and Ellie in a chair looking utterly pissed off and you wonder what the hell you just walked into. Ellie stands looking at you sadly, then stares at Joel and stalks off for her garage. Once she’s gone Joel starts speaking, not really looking at you, not in the eyes at least. “They’ve got a place ready for you, above the bakery. It’s ready today. S’what Tommy came to tell me.” It’s like a punch to your gut. You knew this was going to happen, but you didn’t think it’d be this fast. You almost thought that maybe it wouldn’t ever happen. It was going well here with you and Joel and Ellie. Right? God, you’re stupid, they’re each other’s family. You’re just a new person in town and they were just doing you a favor. It wasn’t your bedroom, it wasn’t your wolf mug, Ellie wasn’t your daughter, and Joel wasn’t yours. Your eyes brim with tears and you ask quietly, “What about this morning, Joel,” He cuts you off, his voice low, “Was a mistake, won’t happen again, this’ll be better for you.” You feel like he slapped you and stand to run upstairs so he doesn’t see you cry, again.

Tommy comes to help you with the two small boxes of things to take to the new place. He looks from you to Joel and neither of you will look at each other or him. Joel puts one more thing in the box Tommy is carrying as Ellie emerges to give you a hug before you start walking off the front porch. The hug starts off awkward until it turns into the most amazing hug you’ve had in decades. “You have to come visit me, I’m above the bakery, we’ll eat so much bread.” Ellie smiles, laying her head on your shoulder, Joel walks off into the house. “I’m so angry at him, he’s being a stupid asshole and a coward,” Ellie says, and Tommy looks back into the house seemingly trying to piece together what’s going on. “It’s okay, Ellie. I’ll see you, promise.”

After Tommy leaves you at your new apartment, you sit and stare at the floor, it’s a cute place, perfect for just you. A small kitchen, a breakfast nook by the front window, one bedroom and a pretty bathroom with a tub and a shower. And it smells amazing, but you can’t enjoy it. You feel cold being away from him, your lips feel lost without his. You don’t feel safe anymore. What had you done? What did you do to make him push you away so hard. He wouldn’t even look at you. And for the first time, since he saved you, you wish he hadn’t. Because this loneliness was worse than all the other times. This hurt more than you thought it could. And now you have to start over, alone, again.

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