#jo's rambling issues tag

[batmanfruitloops]

I've hit a bit of a writer's block, and I didn't realize how exhausted I was until I got on break. I'm still working on Interrobang it's just difficult.

So I thought I might ask, would y'all like some character ramblings? Maybe writing something else will get me out of the rut. Mostly about Ed or Jo since they are the ones I write for the most. I'm sure Sarsee would love to as well, I just don't want to speak for her. Of course, you can always ask either of us anything related to the au.

Anyway, I have some things in mind I'd like to talk about that shouldn't spoil anything. One such is Jonathan's name. I just love it when names have meanings and significance. The reason I'm asking though is most things related to Jonathan come with a lot of religious themes. Which I know is an uncomfortable subject for some. So I wanted to make sure it's something that seemed interesting to learn about. Of course if so I'll be tagging it with content warnings and such. Anything going forward will be tagged if related to religion anyway. Since with Jonathan's origins, it's unavoidable.

If no I do have other things I can ramble about, that's just one I felt could be an issue. I just want to err on the side of caution and ask.

-Fluffy

[violets-in-her-arms-writes]

WIP Introduction: La Fledgling

Titre : La Fledgling

Genre : urban fantasy ; romance ; action

Status : first draft

Target wordcount : ~80k (probably more but I'm in denial, leave me alone)

Actual wordcount : 57k

(I had to scrape 20k of what I wrote for the NaNo bc it was written in the wrong POV. Kill. Me.)

TW : blood, violence, alcohol & substance abuse

Synopsis :

Jo Hautain is in love with a vampire. It has been her reality since her girlfriend has been turned, seven years ago, and yet, she still manages to be surprise but the utter bullshit that came with this life-changing transformation. What do you mean Lou has to bond with an established Coven to rule her bloodlust ? What do you mean Jo is not enough ? Still, she is not one to go gently into the night. If the Rodins think they are worthy of Lou, they will have to prove it. When the vampiric masquerade ball Lou has been invited to (and which Jo crashed) takes a turn for the worse, she must come up with a new plan to ensure her girlfriend's survival while trying to preserve her own heart. Unfortunately, Lou isn't the only one having issues of the supernatural variety. Iris suffers from a rare fae disease currently trying to kill her, Charlie still can't accept being a wolf three nights a month and is sinking even deeper into despair as time goes by, Alex longs to return to the sea, despite knowing it would be her undoing. And Ana is hunted and hounded by the Virulentes, the less-than-human leaders of the witch's community, who resent her "abusive use of magic". Add to the mix two customers too charming for their own good, a mysterious Coven settling back into their town and a ghost from the past lurking in the shadows, and Jo is ready to throw the towel. No, really, it's not easy being to be the only sensible one around, but someone has to do it. Jo just wishes it would be someone else, for once.

Settings : a big city filled with supernatural creatures ; a gloomy manor ; a cozy apartment crumbling under the secrets of its habitants ; a café/bar théâtre de tous les drames

Characters:

Johanne “Jo” Hautain || [27] || lesbian || human || perpetually exhausted ; Done™ ; doesn't have a moral code

Louise “Lou” Venti || [27] || bisexual || vampire fledgling || losing herself to bloodlust ; passive ; doesn't know anything

Anaëlle “Ana” Charles || [27] || lesbian || witch || breaks magical laws for breakfast ; hunted by the Virulentes ; would also like a nap

Iris Adam || [26 human years - 15th reincarnation] || bisexual || fae || dying ; technically royalty ; runaway

Charlotte “Charlie” Thomas || [26] || lesbian || werewolf || allergic to dogs ; fashion enthusiast ; comfort or death

Alexandra “Alex” Martinez || [26] || lesbian || mermaid || escaped death by fleeing on land ; there are many benefits to being a marine biologist (as long as you don't go at sea) ; sarcasm lover

(and many more!)

[PLAYLIST] [PINTEREST BOARD] [GENERAL TAG]

Tag list: @lena-rambles, @the-stray-storyteller, @sarahlizziewrites

ask to be added or remove to the taglist 💜

[todayisafridaynight]

WHAT DO YOU MEAAANNN "MID" THAT COMIC GOES SO HARD AND NOT FOR ANYTHING... THAT WAS MY FIRST THOUGHT VERBATIM... THIS GOES HARD. Incredibly effective composition and symbolism and use of values and shadow on the first page ESPECIALLY (I would love to hear what the third eye symbolizes as mentioned in your tags :) ) but. But. But like. Masato being Arakawa's comfort and not recognizing it and certainly not remembering it when he's older... despite how much it means to Arakawa in the moment... owwww owwie

I was gonna ramble about how much it hits home to depict Yoko as non-human because the nightmares that have stuck with the most about my mom were like that But Enough Of That We Get It... at any rate, as always, take care and I hope you get some good news soon!

thank you so much ♪(´▽｀) !! it generally felt like somethin i dont really post (but horror/blood is something i really love and love to draw), so its why i was especially excited to share it and see what people thought: im glad people like it from what i see (❁´◡`❁) ! and im glad the lack of color wasn't anything detrimental- it might have worked better in this instance. maybe.

i dont ever 'title' things per say since i feel weird doin it BUT i guess captions serve as the title sometimes. so the caption 'matrophobia' is really ironic with that whole aspect in relation to masato being arakawa's Everything: on the one hand, it can just be a general fear of your mother, but on the other hand it could also be the fear of becoming like your mother. if i ever intended to go through with a jo variant, 'patrophobia' would for sure be the title with that ambiguity in mind, but (and i suppose in both instances) with this its more ironic here since masato is the one who ends up the most like his parents' abusers- which ultimately just makes things more bittersweet in that moment dont it (´▽｀ ;;;) on top of masato being arakawa's comfort, it's not just masato himself being the only reason: tying back into the alt. meaning of matrophobia, it's also a relief for arakawa in that he didn't turn out like his mother- which, again, makes everything so bittersweet in the end. its like spiders in my brain when it comes to that whole aspect in regards to the arakawa family's history and dynamics...... it makes me insane to be blunt ☠️

ah but yeah ! i decided to make her an actual perceivable monster so people who. DON'T. have issues with either of their parents could get a better feeling of what it is like to have a troublesome parent/s (id rather see wolves in my dreams than my mom on that note- even if they were going to bite my face off ( ´◡` ;;; ) ). i ran out of tags before i could make any more notes i had while drawing （；´x｀） but i do have more and i'll be glad to explain the missing eye bit ! under the cut since it'll just be me rambling bout symbolism ig and its gonna get long (´▽｀;;; )

when it came to the third/center eye being missing specifically, i did it in relation to how the third eye can relate to enlightenment or higher knowledge. definitely just as a result of projection, but its cause all the time when i was growing up my mom would not only assert and act as if Her Way Was The Right Way and that she knew everything, but that i should only go to her if i needed help and no one else could help me- hence it being missing being a reflection of how that notion isn't true (or always true i should say). as en extension, it's also a dig at how enlightened persons are supposed to help others reach enlightenment- yk, guide them. yet, again, in this case, they're only doing harm.

that's all for the third eye bit, but also just some other things i didnt have room to ramble bout last post: i had her lips be torn away to constantly show her fangs since. well. i dont have to explain it i guess: its just meant to highlight the never ending feeling of danger when around her (and the promise of danger). her nose being gone is purposeful too: in animals, the smell of your family's significant and it helps you find out Which One Is Yours right. in her nose being gone- again, more projection and personal problems on my part- it's a way to emphasize the separation between mother and child: 'you're no longer my kid anymore, i can't even recognize your scent'. of course, that's only to the mother: she is the only one no longer able to say they're family because she can't smell that shared scent anymore. in reality, they could very much smell the same, it's just the mother's unwilling to accept that anymore.

i know i mentioned the flowers in my initial post, but her wearing a flower shirt really was convenient since it allowed me to add those thorns and vines. when you have a troublesome parent like that, the feeling of not just being trapped is there, but it's painful- it's not something you can deal with quietly. even if you're not interacting with the parent directly, the thought of their presence or the unfortunate thoughts that come about as a result of having been around them so long are a constant thorn in the side. if i may make a pun ( ´uゝ` )

alright NOW i think i've covered everything i wanted to. without all the symbolism aside, i hope she at least looks grotesque for people to enjoy without the added thought- and i hope i didn't overdue it. in any case im glad you enjoyed it !! i hope you'll enjoy the next comic i get out (❁´◡`❁) if i ever start it and i dont abandon it midway through ( ❁´◡`❁ ;;;)

[newtness532]

I posted 28,248 times in 2022

That's 17,487 more posts than 2021!

2,182 posts created (8%)

26,066 posts reblogged (92%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@borfbork

@cucascaprisun

@boxdiegirl

@lizvi

@lirdgorl

I tagged 6,403 of my posts in 2022

#jo says stuff - 1,988 posts

#personal ramblings - 1,088 posts

#young royals - 378 posts

#young royals s2 - 328 posts

#my post. - 273 posts

#university update - 254 posts

#esc22 - 229 posts

#soc duology - 226 posts

#ask response - 199 posts

#station 19 - 171 posts

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

The most relatable thing about heartstopper is Charlie and Nick rewriting messages over and over again until they find the right thing to say and Charlie yelling when he cant

114 notes - Posted May 4, 2022

#4

The finale of the good place has a very nice calming feeling

123 notes - Posted February 19, 2022

#3

you know what also really annoys me about the "you have issues with your dad" part? its not like simon shared what happened with him or told him how he feels, marcus only knows it from gossiping with his mom.

267 notes - Posted November 7, 2022

#2

The one thing worse than receiving an email is having to send an email

457 notes - Posted February 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Saw this on twitter and i can't stop thinking about it

Art by @/menelique_arts on insta

704 notes - Posted July 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[yamnekosewing]

One of my hobby discords has been talking about a sew-a-long and then a "1 project per year" thing, and it's getting me excited to sew a lot.

I think I want to aim for a project every 2 months! Clothes or plusses. I had stopped the last few months due to several reasons (sick/pet death, personal health and energy issues, lack of inspo) but a lot of that seems over (1 of 2 health issues pretty much done, waiting to see if the other one will flair up or not)

Now I need to be concerned about money and budget. Time to try to casually sell things again.

Anyone want a Kero plush?

(Ramblings I don't want in tags below)

I also worry about using "good" quality stuff besides anything cheap and need to get over that. I've got supplies for a dress but second guessing the choice of fabric for the bodice.

Do I really want to use calico cotton from Jo's? But I can't just buy other fabric online as it needs to match the color in the skirt fabric. So I think I'm going to put a lot of effort into this dress and it won't be as nice as it could be. But it's just a summer dress for me, so like do I care enough?

I'm gonna use this as a "practice" for more involved details. Yeah. I got some ideas so let's just have fun!

[lilacerull0]

just thinking about amy pond and... she wants to live a life that's constantly in a state of not necessarily progression, but that is permanently  interwoven with change. but she also doesn't want these changes to occur, not really, because changes, in that one part of her mind, are eternally connected to the idea that she needs to give something up in order to be a person that other people treat as an actual human being and not as something to be repaired. like little!amy could stop believing in the doctor and then the psychiatrists would perish because she'd be "fixed". and doing that would require a change. so she grows up. but she doesn't stop believing. she's mad! she's impossible! she's an error, a glitch in the galactic fabric! she doesn't know who she is, so she holds on to the things that define her. her accent, her wardrobe and her belief in the doctor. like she's always dressed as though many of the pieces have been in her closet for years and only a few, those who had to be bought because her body protested against her trying to preserve these scraps that she believes are her identity, are actually new. i don't know. just thinking about amy, amy who is constantly living on the edge of the world, multiple worlds actually, trying to define herself but desperately longing for change and adventure. trying to alter her reality, but only a little. ostensibly and convincingly enough to be herself and keep the girl she thinks she is, the girl she's supposed to be, safe. i just think that amy pond, that's all...

[lilacerull0]

Op you are insane for this. (thank you thank you thank you) What makes me especially crazy is the journey of colours that reflects the Amelia -> Amy transition in The Eleventh Hour and ultimately the personification of the haunted house through Amy's character aka the process in which she morphs into the Haunted House and becomes the other Tardis. This is the first thing we see Amy wear when we meet her, a red jumper, red - colour that will consistently be presented as the colour of the Mad Impossible Amy Pond, the embodiment of her individuality. Later, when the Doctor leaves her for the first time, she is wearing a winter hat with blue motifs, blue gloves with a red pattern and a dark blue coat. Blue - the colour of Amy: The Haunted House, colour of the Tardis, colour of the big empty house she lives in, colour of Rory's uniform and the shirt Eleven wears when he first meets Amy. (A shirt that is not his, but Ten's and this is very important, I think. Also: Ten's screwdriver is blue, Eleven's is green, but I'll leave that stuff for another time.) Adult Amy's first appearance is the highlight of this analogy: she is wearing the costume of a policewoman (a certain police box comes to mind) even though she is not actually a policewoman as we discover a few minutes later and her red hair is hidden. [one more layer of meaning, perhaps? she will struggle to exist at the heart of contradiction, she's a glitch in the galactic fabric, you cannot see all of her after only one look (it's bigger on the inside), once you see all of her you might not be able to comprehend, you might see her as "too much", a person that should have been a city, many people and not just a singular unit (heart of the TARDIS)] What makes Amy's house alive is Prisoner Zero and the room that always was, but functions as an outsider in a big, empty house such as Amy's and is therefore doomed to be out of sight and ignored, behind the carefully constructed reality of the world and sense of normalcy. (Amy's belief in the Doctor that led to her seeing several psychiatrists) This shot is particularly interesting to me because because 1) Amy is still in the uniform 2) Prisoner Zero and the entire room are blue 3) Prisoner Zero and Amy are positioned as reflections of each other. Now there's this section in the 5x01 script:

"The crack would stay put" -> everything alive in the house is placed within Amy, the house is haunted because Amy is in it, the crack has been feeding on her life and taking her identity away from her. (red -> blue) But with Doctor's arrival, Amy is to become something else that is blue. She becomes the TARDIS. Later on she transforms into a keeper of conflicting timelines (two lives with and without her parents, the TARDIS bearing the memory of every Doctor that ever was), her mind builds realities, her heart loves the extraordinary and the unimaginable (you look at the centre of the TARDIS and you die because your mind cannot fathom all that knowledge and all that love -> Amy creates people that never were and places that are long gone because she loves, in the name of love she does and loves the unfathomable, she IS the unfathomable), the mad and the impossible and both Amy and TARDIS are haunted by Doctor's presence. Amy literally shares parallels with the starship from 5x02.

Amy Pond is a starship and the universe is her unbearable and wonderful and lifelong companion.

Note: see Amy's wardrobe in Vincent and The Doctor specifically and how she ends the episode wearing a red shirt, a red scarf and a blue coat while also having a moment when she's in red only, when she's sitting among sunflowers and sunlight. (every flash of red is a sign of uniqueness, an identity waiting to be defined, identity she's only ever collected the scraps of, every blue is a sign of everything Amy has always been carrying with her, the nonsensical truths she has to live with, the truths that precede her)

mmmmmm…..setting “The TARDIS Is A Haunted House” against “Amy’s House Is Haunted”…….the TARDIS being a place that haunts, a living creature that houses people, it has a heart and a brain and it’s riddled with whispers of life…..and Amy’s house being the opposite….that big, empty house with the alien in the back room, the universe pouring through the wall of a bedroom….the fucked up anatomy of both places, the living TARDIS and the dead house, both of them blue…

[maxbernini]

why do you think they chose to go the “i don’t love you anymore” route instead of “i don’t believe that you love me” ? idk i just feel like lola flat out saying that she doesn’t love maya anymore was so much to have to come back from too late in this season… are we now expecting this show to have them fall back in love with each other? idk if this made any sense i haven’t slept since that clip so forgive me for my ramblings and thank you for being my only sense of hope for mayla endgame

okay first idk your timezone or how long you've been up but please get some rest as soon if you can <3 the clip came out @ 3:30am and i didn't sleep until 7:30am and it was hell but after sleeping i'm even more convinced of an endgame and happy ending tbh. you’ll feel much better mentally and physically after resting i promise ❤️ anyways some endgame truthism under the cut

secondly, re: “so much to have to come back from too late in this season… are we now expecting this show to have them fall back in love with each other?” the thing is: this show has never had good pacing, especially when it comes to sticking the landing. the first half sets up good stuff, the second half demolishes it before hastily gluing some of the pieces together again. i still believe they’re endgame, but unless it happens in a specific way (which i’m still mulling over), it’ll likely be rushed and feel “unearned”. accepting the rushed-ness helps a little tbh. like, it massively sucks, but it means not having to worry about “ugh there’s no time left” in the meantime. jolal were literally arguing in ep10 and still got their rom-com ending. it’s happened before!!

howeverrrr, related to the “unearned” point: maya is an incredibly traumatized person with years of shit to unpack. even if it was well written, the season was never going to end with her being magically healed and 100% fine, bc that’s not how it works, and she doesn’t need to be for her arc to be complete anyways. accepting that also helps re: worrying about a rushed ending. she just needs to be at a point where she’s committed to growing, opening up, putting in work, expressing herself, etc. and we’re seeing her get there! re: the endgame feeling “unearned”: unlike jolal, i think we’ll actually see them talk in ep9/10 and have a calm heart to heart; they deliberately used eliott as a voice of reason who imo the audience is meant to trust (unlike jo, whose advice might seem less serious and forever changing), and that’s what he suggested needs to happen if they want the relationship to work. and that convo hasn’t happened yet. i think when it does, it’ll be both of them apologizing and opening up. i think they went with “i don’t love you anymore” over “i don’t believe that you love me” / “i just can’t trust you” because they love drama tbh, but i can see lola’s logic. i wish they’d gone with the trust thing bc this seems very concrete and final and honestly a little unclear? but my interpretation is she’s numb, overwhelmed, distrustful, confused, flawed, and coming to terms with realizing that she fell for the most stunted and traumatized girl in france and what that means (whereas maya has known who lola is at her worst since s6, maya’s issues are only now super apparent). i’m kinda glad they’re both narratively in the wrong for lack of better term, bc it means it’s not *just* maya who has to apologize and work on things. highly rec scrolling thru liz’s tag bc she’s got lots of good interpretations of that clip/the season and is also an endgame truther, and here and here are why i think they’re still endgame too <3

[lilacerull0]

It means so much to me that you consider my analysis to be unbiased because that's something I care about a lot. Like... I'd analyse a piece and try to dissect my impression so that I'm left with two options which are 1) my observations 2) what I personally connect with and find intriguing even if it's not entirely perfect or "healthy". The truth is every character is important because of SOMETHING and even if I don't care for said character I like to know how they affect the character that I do like. People can get a bit carried away with shipping and end up reducing their favourites to much simpler entities just because they don't like the relationship they have with another fictional person. All this to say that you shouldn't stop yourself from talking to me about something you think I might disagree with (based on posts I reblog or something like that) because I LOVE disagreeing with people. (intellectually ofc) That's how we grow!!!!

It makes me incredibly happy that you found some sort of comfort in this little thing I wrote because I believe that a part of the Rory Problem in the fandom is that her character hits a little too close to home. Her experiences are so raw and real and I understand how they could make a person uncomfortable, even if they don't actively realise the reasoning behind that. I like that she's allowed to be a person yk? As someone who relates to her on galaxy levels as well, it meant a lot to see such an honest representation of what I've felt and have thought about even when it was a little Too Much to witness on screen. GG as a show is so good at capturing those universal human experiences because it doesn't focus on the logistics of it all. The truth is: a clear explanation for feeling a certain way is often nonexistent. And GG doesn't try to make these characters and their emotions rational OR likeable. Just human. A very effective approach! It's just that it can easily freak you out. I'm glad this meant something to you and I'm glad it made you think (I'd love to hear all of your thoughts!) because that's my main goal with these posts (besides the self - indulgent and self - reflective aspect in the picture hihi)

I love what you said in your tags on that Literati post (the "Why did you drop out of Yale?!" one) about Rory being like Amy March, with her "I want to be Great or nothing" attitude. That is SUCH a good parallel and a great way of distilling her mindset in a way I hadn't been able to quite put into words yet! I also loved what you said about her time off from Yale not truly being a "waste" because it was a chance for her to discover what she DOESN'T want her life to be, which is almost as important as figuring out what you DO want out of life. And she'd never had the opportunity to consider other OPTIONS before. Think about the way her mom got so upset to learn that Rory was even considering applying to other colleges besides Harvard (even though applying to several schools is absolutely the norm!) because "Harvard was the dream." Rory dreamed about a certain career path when she was little, and Lorelai- with the best of intentions- wanted her to have it. But most kids have the luxury of changing their minds! But with Rory, it was never so innocent as "changing her mind," but taken as "giving up on her dream." And so I think when Mitchum Huntzberger introduced the idea that maybe she WASN'T cut out for it, it really hit Rory that maybe she needed other options, and she didn't know what those other options were. But she found out in the following months that her grandparents' life wasn't one of them. Anyway, I always love seeing your perspective on things!

Hey! Your asks never fail to put a smile on my face and, as always, you get me! There are a couple of things I want to tackle (thanks for giving me the opportunity to do just that, my mind is a bookstore and I don’t always know what book to read if you know what I mean😅), but let’s stick to this:

1. Rory Gilmore/Amy March (with a bit of Amy/Laurie + Literati)

2. The Importance of Logan Huntzberger

Seguir leyendo

[geekgemsspooksandtoons]

You’re Not An Awful Parent

This is basically a birthday gift I wanna write to my good friend/bro @pikablob 

I hope you don’t mind this. The title was tricky, originally it was Calm With You. But I just changed it...like, I just thought of the titles. And I’m in the Joheda tag right now making this. This is basically an expansion/remake of this Joheda bit I sent to you in a message...I felt like it was easier to use that as my inspiration. Including use some of my stuff I have wanted to write about.

I just really love these two characters a lot. To the point, I will admit, I do selfship myself with these two. But considering you started to ship these two and I was hesitant at first. Despite I originally thought about them before...I’m glad I started loving this ship. 

This likely takes place in my Cartoonverse. Or whatever you want to see it. Yet it will likely take place in that. I hope you love this, and I’m gonna try my best writing it. Because I like these two a lot. Here I go.

So I just finished it, and I saved it once as a draft in case. I changed the title from It’s Calming With You I think. I pressed too much crtl z that I erased the last sentence...I hope you folks like this. I really hope so.

Johanna had all sorts of weird feelings. It felt weird to her maybe because she hadn’t been like this in such a long time. She was a grown woman and...it felt awkward having these feelings...it was like when she was with the man who was her husband.

Her relationship with the man only lasted for a few years. But due to personal issues, he left her and their young daughter. Despite Johanna tried to act like it was fine, it did kind of hurt he left. At times he remembers his name, sometimes she forgets it. But she still recalls he had the same hair color as their daughter.

She felt like after that, she may not feel this way again...then Eda Clawthorne showed up in her apartment one day out of nowhere.

Despite a rocky start, and having Eda return what she had stolen from their apartment. She wasn’t a bad person. Yeah, Eda was wanted by the Emperor's Coven, but that was a whole other story. She was genuinely nice when she wasn’t being sassy or whatever else. Eda was mainly pleasant to talk to, despite how different they are. It was very nice to have an adult friend to talk to that didn’t look at her strange or possibly belittle her. 

There was also the fact that Eda’s relationship with Hilda was pretty great. At times, it seemed like Hilda enjoyed being with her more. And that made her sad...especially recently with how she thinks she’s being too controlling of Hilda going out on adventures...but that was another subject.

Johanna liked men, she always did. There was nothing wrong with that. But to her, trust was a very important thing. But...these feelings for Eda felt...so awkward...she felt like she was some shy teenage girl. And to make matters worse...Eda was indulging in it. Saying sweet stuff to her which would make her blush. 

Was it...a crush? It had to be, even though if this happened when she was a teenager. Her parents would’ve been upset with her. She never really considered this...feeling towards women. Maybe the aftermath of her husband leaving made her ignore wanting love. Sure, there were always some beautiful men out there. But she always focused on Hilda. To make sure she was safe. That’s what was more important to her.

But because of that...maybe Hilda was right? What if she was being too hard on her? What if she should’ve trusted her more? It was the events with the Black Hound and other things that seemed to have made her reconsider some things. Despite Trolberg was a very easy going place...she just grew paranoid and worried for her daughter. Especially after recent events with a break in once when Hilda had gone out with her friends.

It was night time at the apartment, and Eda wanted to visit them. She was disappointed when she learned Hilda was staying at Frida’s house. But she stayed behind and had some dinner with Johanna...

Johanna just really wanted to talk with Eda, about Hilda and her words. Maybe she would give out some good advice, and she just needed it from someone who has some experience in a way...despite her experience might be...stranger than hers or not.

The two ladies sat on the couch. The tv was on, it was a inoffensive channel Johanna decided to put on. Eda wasn’t really in on it, but she didn’t seem to mind. At that point, Johanna just put on the channel because it was mainly family related, something friendly, and possibly make be background noise.

During their time watching the tv, Eda put her left arm over Johanna’s shoulders. It made her blush, but Eda smiled seeing that. For a couple of minutes, she just wanted to talk to Eda soon, and now it was that time.

“Eda”.

“Yeah?” Eda asked.

“I...really want to talk about something important. It’s about Hilda.” Johanna told her.

“Oh, alright.” Eda was curious. What did they need to talk about? Was it about what Hilda had complained to her a while back? Johanna decided to turn down the volume of the tv with her remote, and she sat it back on the arm rest of the couch. After that, Eda took her arm off of Johanna’s shoulders and just put them behind the couch.

“Is everything alright with Hilda?” she asked her.

Johanna didn’t know how to answer that right away. She wanted to say everything was fine...but her recent interactions with her daughter bothered her. Such as the point of literally grounding her because of the Cauldon Island incident. She had to be honest, but she didn’t know the right words.

Eda just looked at her. She could tell Johanna was trying to find the right words to say. Johanna just had her arms in her lap, looking at the ground, and wondering what to say. But considering what Hilda told her before, Eda guessed what she might wanna talk about.

“Is it because she didn’t be honest with you recently?” Eda decided to just say it. Because it was likely the thing she wanted to speak about. But the moment she said that, Johanna’s eyes widened.

“Wait...she told you?” Johanna sounded surprised when she heard that.

“Well...yeah...we had a long talk about it.” Eda admitted to her. Hearing that shocked Johanna for some reason. While she could trust Eda, but it’s the fact Hilda talked to her first instead of herself. 

“She...went to you...instead of me?” Johanna putting her hands up a bit, sounding stressed, and possibly feeling heartbroken by the reveal of that. “But...we were supposed to talk about it first.” She kept getting more confused and was sounding more sad. As if Hilda didn’t trust her to tell how she felt. She kept rambling to herself until Eda stepped in.

“Hey, hey, hey Jo...calm down okay?” Eda grabbed Johanna’s right hand with her right hand, while she patted her back for reassurance. “Take a deep breath okay. Breathe in, breathe out. Follow my lead, okay?” she told her friend and she listened. They were breathing in and out, and Johanna felt better after that.

“Thank you Eda.” She told her, closing her eyes. “So, she told you about me grounding her and me being more worried than usual?” 

“Yeah, she did talk to me about it. And we had a talk about it. I can understand of why she would be bothered” Eda continued on. “It was a long talk actually. And I wanted to also check if you were okay too.”

“Really?” Johanna looked back at her.

Eda only nodded and smile. “I mean, that’s why I was bummed out when I learned she wasn’t here. To be honest, it makes me feel warm inside when she sees me show up. As if I’m maybe a celebrity. It’s actually pretty cute.” Eda continued on. While she had Luz admiring her and trying to teach her to become a witch. There was something wholesome of Hilda always liking Eda’s company. Despite they got off the wrong foot.

“...I’m an awful parent.” Johanna said as she looked at the ground. With her hands in her lap again.

“...what?” Eda said, sounding surprised by that.

“I just...God” Johanna put her left hand over her nose. “I just can’t take it...or I worry too much. Ever since so much stuff happened. I’m getting more scared for her to be out there. I know she can take care of herself. But it scares me because with recent things that have happened.” She just looked at her hands, and her irritated voice started to sound like she wanted to cry.

“Recent things?” Eda asked.

“It’s not just the fact she’s been lying to me a dozen times. But it’s the fact ever since this break in at one point, and whatever has been happening with this city. I’m just worried for her, and I think she’s started to hate me for it.” At the moment, Johanna sounded as if she was gonna cry.

“I’m just worried that some horrible person is gonna take her away while my back is turned. Or I’m not gonna be there to help her. As if I’m starting to feel weak and helpless...I don’t know what’s been going on it’s just” Johanna choked a bit because she was starting to tear up.

“Hey...Jo...it’s okay.” Eda tried calming her down. Putting her hands on her shoulders.

“My husband left me long ago because of maybe stuff like this. I don’t know anymore. And I’m just...I’m terrified I won’t see her again. And I’m upset by the idea I’m a horrible mother because you are able to protect her and I’m not. Look at me? I’m just some graphic designer and you’re a bloody witch! You’re everything she wants in a mum! And I’m just...normal! She won’t be honest with me, and she hates me!” She cried out, and then put her hands over her face. She started to cry more.

Eda hated seeing her like this. It hurt her seeing Johanna talk about herself this way. Going far as putting herself down because of recent events.

“And...I feel weird...about whatever we have going on!? I...is it a bad thing? I do like men, but...why do you even hang around me? I’m not like anyone you might’ve met at the Boiling Isles...I’m just a mum who might just get kidnapped, or just doing graphic designs while her daughter goes on some adventures behind her mother’s back.” Johanna said.

At that point, Eda may of found out what was bothering Johanna even more. And she knew she had to make things better. She grabbed Johanna’s head and turned it to face her own slowly. With her hands still on Johanna’s cheeks.

“I want you to listen to what I have to say...your daughter doesn’t hate you. She never hated you. We talked about how maybe you’ve being too controlling. But I did talk to her that you’re just maybe worried...and that you both should be honest with each other...but what I didn’t know is what else you had on your mind.” Eda continued.

“Hilda may possibly consider me a fun mom, and I love hanging out with her. But I am not the one who plays Dragon Panic with her. I am not the one who changed her diapers. And I’m certainly not the one who raised her to be person she was...that was you...not me. YOU.”

Eda really wanted to hammer the point she wasn’t Hilda’s mother. But Johanna was her mother. That no matter what Hilda thought of Eda, Johanna was Hilda’s real mother.

“Listen...I understand being scared for her while she’s out there. Trust me, my magic is weakened and I have to make sure there is food on the table for Luz. But I didn’t want her to worry about that. You need to be a bit more open. You need to make her feel comfy about going on adventures. You’re not always gonna be there to protect her. She’s gonna grow up, and you can’t always have this grip on her. But it’s fine you’re scared.” Eda continued on.

“So no...you’re not an awful parent. You make mistakes. We all do. And I hate it when you talk about yourself like that. It hurts me more to see you cry. You’re not just some human who’s a graphic designer...you’re honestly one of the kindest people I know...and I still feel awful of how we met. I just want to make sure you feel alright and safe...okay.” Eda told her. 

“....you really mean...all of that?” Johanna asked her, sniffing a bit. But it seemed like she stopped crying.

“Yes...I meant every word. You’re not weak and helpless, and like I’m grateful that I met Luz. I’m glad to have met you and Hilda.” Eda just hugged her after that.

Johanna felt so shocked. The warmth Eda gave her, and the hug felt so reassuring. It was beautiful that someone did understood her, but also telling her what she needed to do. But also someone who told her that she wasn’t weak or helpless. She really needed to hear this from her. After her eyes had be widen for the hug, she closed them, and hugged Eda back.

“Thank you Eda.” Johanna told her.

“No problem...it’s fine...we both needed to let some stuff out didn’t we?” Eda told her. “And we can sit here as long as you want.” 

The two women just sat on the couch for about five minutes. They were just embracing each other. 

“I’m sorry...for stealing your stuff and that I possibly made you feel worse.” Eda told her. Sounding sad as well.

“It’s okay...I had forgiven you already...but I didn’t know you still felt awful...I don’t hate you.” Johanna told her back. Wanting to reassure Eda of their first encounter. Hearing that made Eda felt relived even more. Despite Johanna had forgiven her long ago, it was nice to hear the confirmation again.

“So.....you still like men right?” Eda said playfully.

Johanna’s eyes widened, and they got out of the hug.

“I mean...just...I’m sorry if I upset you in anyway. I...feel confused. We’re not in a relationship...I don’t know if we have a thing...I just...feel weird around you. But I think it helped me realize some things. I just haven’t felt this way since my husband left...and while you are always flirting...I really enjoy your company.” Johanna said while blushing.

“You’ve never upset me. And hey...sorry if I...get too close at times.” Eda said.

“No...it’s fine...I think...I just don’t get a lot of affection like that. I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship yet...but I again...enjoy your company. You make me feel better.” Johanna told her.

“Awwww, I understand. I just...want you to feel loved you know? But I never wanna make you uncomfortable. I will admit, I love seeing you as a blushing mess.” Eda said with a smile. “If you don’t want to pursue a relationship, that’s fine. I don’t wanna push that on you. But I will be around if you ever need to talk or anything. Whether it’s about Hilda, us, or anything else. Just...use that weird Nowhere Space you guys use...if Tontu doesn’t mind.” Eda said, comforting Johanna.

“And besides...I don’t mind preferring men. I mean...I’ve been with a lot...some are good...some aren’t so good. A lot of them were nice looking...not as nice looking at you.” Eda said back at her with a smile. Which made Johanna flustered. “But you know...trust is key.”

“Yeah...that’s what I think is important too.” Johanna admitted that.

“...hey...if you don’t mind...do you wanna talk about...your husband?” Eda asked her.

“...I think I’d rather not. I think talk about enough things already.” Johanna said while stroking her hair.

Eda decided to grab Johanna and bring her close to her chest.

“Alright. If we’re gonna stop talking. Then we’re gonna do this.” Eda said playfully.

“What are you doing?” Johanna asked.

“I want you to lay on me...I’m just...kind of hugging you. Trust me...I think you need it.” Eda told her.

“Eda. I need to wash the dishes.” Johanna told her.

“Uh uh...screw the dishes...you’re staying here until I feel everything is better okay?” Eda said, not giving Johanna much of a choice. But she didn’t mind it. Being in Eda’s arms and just on her chest felt comforting.

“What about the elixir?” Johanna asked.

“Already had some before I got here. I packed one in case. You’re not getting out of this, trust me.” Eda wanted to make sure she wasn’t gonna let go for a while. “Now...who’s the most beautiful woman in Trolberg?” She asked.

“....I am.” Johanna blushed when hearing that.

“Damn right you are Jo...damn right you are.” Eda said while keeping Johanna close to her chest.

It was gonna be a long night. While Tontu kept to himself, and Twig and Alfur were with Hilda. The two women kept to themselves, and Johanna wouldn’t mind being just stuck in Eda’s arms for a long time. As the witch stroked her hair gently, and just wanted to make her friend she cared about a lot feel comfortable. Johanna deserved that after everything she’d been through.

[newtness532]

stuck in a "i should only be eating things that are good for me/ eating foods that are not the best health wise is far better than not eating nothing at all" cycle

[jobrookekarev]

He's Wrapped Around Her Finger

Chapter: 1/1

Words: 3500

Summary: While Jo’s sleeping Alex gets to know his newborn daughter and settles into the role of Dad.

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy.

Relationship: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson.

Characters: Alex Karev, Jo Wilson Karev, Helena Karev, and Meredith Grey.

Rating: General Audiences.

Additional Tags: Babies, Baby Care, Fluff, It’s so fluffy I'm going to die, Alex being a Dad, Alex and Jo being smitten with their daughter, Blood Mentioned.

Read at AO3

Read at FFN

AN: 3 fanfics in a week who is she! Also I had to Google what color the indicator line on diapers were because I remembered it was yellow at the start, but I didn't remember what color it would turn when it was wet so that how long it’s been since I changed a diaper.

……………………………………………………………………

“Helena Meredith Karev born on November 26th at 5:36 am at 21 inches long and weighing at 8 lb 15 oz., just 1 oz short of 9 lb,” Alex announced as he spoke to Meredith on the phone.

“1 oz. short of 9 lb wow,” Meredith said in astonishment. “How's Jo recovering?”

“She's doing good. She and the baby are asleep right now.”

Alex looks over at the bassinet that was parked next to Jo's bed. Jo slept on her side with one hand in the bassinet on their daughter's chest. Jo’s abandonment issues had come up earlier and Alex noticed she was having a hard time letting Helena out of her sight. Her hand on Helena's chest in the bassinet was how Jo maintained contact with her daughter while getting some much needed rest.

“Good, now promise me you'll never tell Jo that her daughter almost weighed 9 lb. at birth,” Meredith insisted with a little laugh.

“What? Why not?” Alex said confused as he looked over the little note card posted on  Helena's bassinet that listed her weight and other details. “Jo knows how much she weighs.”

“Yeah, Jo knows Helena weighs 8 lb. and 15 oz., but when you say she almost weighs 9 lb it isn’t the same thing. Thinking of your baby as 8 lb vs 9 lb is different. No woman likes to be remembered how big their baby was and how hard it was to push them out unless you want Helena to be an only child.”

“Okay, I promise to say she weighs 8 lb. and 14oz. whenever Jo asks,” Alex said rolling his eyes at Meredith as he watched Jo shift in her sleep so her legs were more apart.

Watching Jo be in excruciating amounts of pain as she labored was hard for him, but he pushed it aside to be there to support his wife. Jo’s pain was to the point of which she was completely out of it, just going through the motions as she pushed their daughter into the world. Alex had watched quite a few women give birth, but it was different because it was Jo. He loved her and he hated seeing her in pain knowing that he had partially caused it. 

When they had discussed having kids, Alex knew it would include a painful labor and that it would be hard on Jo and her body. Despite her training as an OB and numerous birth classes they had gone to, Jo didn't realize she was in labor until she was in active labor and they had to rush to the hospital. Alex knew that because of this experience Jo may not want to get pregnant again. If that was her decision, he would abide by it. Alex was happy because he was so absolutely content with the little girl in front of him. 

“Congratulations, Alex,” Meredith said, breaking him out of his thoughts.

“You said that already,” Alex said although he didn't mind hearing it again.

“Yeah well, I'm going to say it again. Have you texted Cristina yet?”

“No, not yet and we haven't talked to too many people, apart from the video call earlier, I’ve just talked to you and my mom. It's hard to find the time. I just keep staring at her, and thank you Meredith for everything.”

“You mean for waking you up so you didn't miss your wife's labor, you're welcome.”

“Yeah that especially,” Alex said as he couldn't help but chuckle as he remembered the chaotic events of that morning. “I'll talk to you later, bye”

“Bye.” 

Alex put away his phone and settled into the uncomfortable chair next to Jo’s bed. He thought that they'd make these chairs more comfortable considering that most second parents and family members usually ended up spending the night there, but apparently not. He would have to check the budget and see if they could upgrade the chairs. Despite how he was no longer the chief of surgery, Alex learned a lot, and he still occasionally found himself reverting to taking care of the business side of the hospital. Alex shuffled around trying to get comfortable but clearly, he was not sleeping in this chair that afternoon.

Alex watched over his girl. He smiled at the thought, his girls, he had a daughter. He had a child of his own and oh how he was in love with her. Helena squealed in the bassinet throwing her arms around and Alex was up in an instant. Her tiny face squished even further as she let out a single cry. Jo stirred next to her and he felt like he was in the middle of a complicated surgery. 

Alex was quick to slip his hand under Helena as he took Jo's hand and put it next to her. He was cautious so as not to wake his sleeping wife and let her get the rest she deserved while also soothing their newborn. As soon as he put down Jo's hand and moved to cradle Helena, he stopped for a moment. Jo sighed but didn't move or wake up and he looked down at Helena who cried out again. Helena spread out her arms and continued to fuss. After a certain number of years, soothing babies became instinctual and Alex started to sway and shush. 

“Shh, Shh, it's okay, Daddy's got you.” Alex smiled down at her as she stopped fussing and opened her eyes to look up at him.

Helena studied him for a moment, staring into his soul in the way only a baby could before she decided this wasn't what she wanted, and cried out again in that little uh fussy cry. 

“Okay, okay,” Alex said, he looked back to the chair before he sat down and laid Helena on his knees. He undid the blanket intending to redo it into a proper swaddle. “Oh, I see what it is.” 

Alex saw the full diaper and the blue line that indicated she had her first wet diaper. He was weirdly proud about it especially as it meant that her kidneys were functioning well and she was hydrated. “Okay, give me a second.”

Alex cradled her close to his chest as he got up and walked over to the drawers where they kept wipes and diapers. He got the supplies and went over to the changing table in the bathroom. He propped the door open in case Jo woke up as he didn't want her to panic when they were gone and got the changing table open.

“You know, I promised your mom I’d do all of these diaper changes since she carried you for nine months, basically built you from scratch, and just now endured quite a few hours of labor with you. She wanted an epidural you know, but she didn’t realize she was in labor. You gotta remind me to tease her about that later, but not until after her stitches heal, and you were eager to get here too huh?” Alex said to Helena as she continued to fuss a little bit more as he quickly changed her and got her settled in a fresh diaper. 

Alex staring down at her as he pulled down the onesie Jo had put on her. He knew Jo like the ‘little turkey’ onesie, but it had buttons and buttons were always a struggle, even for a seasoned Ped’s doctor like he was. Alex resisted the urge to grab the other baby gown or even the one with the zippers as he finally did the last button. 

“There we go, are we happy now?” Alex asked, Helena looked around and was content and wiggled around. He wrapped her up into a proper swaddle before he picked her up again, but she looked up at him and then cried out again, still not happy. “I know, I am not-mom right now aren't I.”

Alex quietly talked to her as he settled her in his arms and walked back into the room. He sat down in the recliner and started to rock back and forth. “I'm not-Mom. I'm not what you want, I know, we don't know each other yet, although you might recognize my voice. I've read you lots of stories while you were still in your mommy's belly. I even did a little bit of singing too, but don't tell anyone around here that.” 

Alex settled into the movement of the chair as he looked down at Helena. She had stopped fussing and stared up at him again, seeming to take him in as she listened to his voice and he took that as a cue to continue. 

“I guess now would be the proper time for an introduction. I'm your dad, most people call me Alex or Dr. Karev around here at the hospital. Your mom calls me Alex too, but she drags it out a little in a way that's pretty adorable. Your Aunt Cristina is going to call me Evil Spawn and your Auntie Mare might do it too. You've met her already, although you probably didn't notice. She was on the video called when you were born, but I remember how you and your mom only had eyes for each other. Your mom and I, we don't have a big bio family, but we do have lots of friends and they're our family. They all love you so much already, especially your cousin Ellis.”

Alex rambled off to her as Helena just watched him, and he took in his daughter. He never really saw familiar features in newborns. They always just looked similar, like babies and not much else. The features really didn’t come in until they were a little older and then you could say they look like one parent or the other. Yet, as Alex looked down at Helena he saw his chin and his crooked lips in the way that she frowned as she cried. She looked like Jo too, she had Jo’s cute little cheeks and her eyes. Although she looked like an even mix of them now, he could tell that she was going to be a little tiny Jo running around their house. They joked about how they'd never be able to say no to their kid, and Alex knew that with just one look from Helena and he would melt like snow in the sun. His daughter would always be the bright spot in his day.

Helena's eyes started to droop, but she would occasionally blink them open. As if she was fighting sleep as much as Jo did. “You are already so much like your mother. She does that same thing too, you know. When we watch movies on the couch with Reese's, you haven't met him yet and he just knows you as the thing that keeps him from sitting on Mommy's lap. It might be a while before you two become friends, but you’ll like him too.” 

Alex rocked her as she fell asleep in his arms and it made him feel some weird sense of accomplishment because his kid fell asleep in his arms. He knew from experience that getting a baby back to sleep was no easy feat. He continued to hold her, not ready to put her back down again. He wasn't sure if he'd ever be ready to put her down and he knew why Jo was hesitant to do so as well. He just sat there and rocked his daughter and held her and patted her back. 

“Anyway, Saturday nights are movie nights and your Mommy always curls up in my lap and puts her head on my chest. She always says she'll stay up and watch the whole movie,” Alex said as he leaned closer to whisper to Helena. “But she never does.”

“That's not true,” Jo whispered and Alex looked up to see her smile from where she was curled up in bed. 

She must have been watching them for a little while and he smiled back at her. A sense of relief filled his mind as she had woken up without panicking for the first time and he tried to remain calm as he smiled back at her.

“It is true, you always fall asleep just, like clockwork before the end credits.”

“I didn't fall asleep when we watched that one really bad horror movie.” 

“Yeah because it scared the crap out of you. I had to turn it off because you started crying.” 

“No, we had to turn it off because Reeses wouldn't stop barking at it.”

“Okay Princess,” Alex said, smiling as she raised her eyebrows at him and he chuckled as he got up and walked over to sit on her bed. The second he sat down Jo reached out, and he thought she was going to take Helena, but instead, she smacked the side of his arm. “Hey, I've got precious cargo here.”

“She’s fine and you can't use our daughter as a shield to protect you against my wrath,” Jo teased with a smirk of her own. She carefully sat up and Alex's smile faded as she grimaced when she moved. 

“Is your ice pack still cold? Do you want me to get you a new one or something?”

“No, I think I bled through the pad again.” 

Jo pulled back the blankets and he was relieved to see that there were no bloodstains on the sheets. Jo carefully got up out of bed and Alex put Helena down in the bassinet. 

“No, just hold her, I’ll be fine,” Jo said, waving him off. 

“Jo, let me take care of you,” Alex insisted as he watched Helena for a second to see if she’d fuss before he went over to help his wife. 

Alex put his arm around her and grabbed the IV pole as they took small and wide steps over to the bathroom. Jo let go of his waist as she stepped into the bathroom and grabbed the peri bottle and her other supplies. Alex got out a new ice pad and activated it, shaking it up before he felt it cool in his hand. He handed it to her before she waved him off again. 

“Just let me help you, Jo. I know it hurts you to whip and…”

“Alex,” Jo said, slightly annoyed as she cut him off. “You can change our daughter's diapers, not mine. I got this.”

“Are you sure, because honestly, I don't mind,” Alex argued, he wasn't sure how much she would let him take care of her, but he wanted to do this for her. If she let them. 

“Alex, today multiple people, several of whom are my coworkers, have seen me naked on a bed pushing out a baby. I need a moment of privacy,” Jo said, holding her hand out to block him from coming close.

Alex nodded and took a step back. He made a big thing about covering his eyes and turned around to go back out into the room, bumping into the doorway as Jo laughed behind him. He smiled as it didn't hurt that much and hearing her laugh after her tears earlier felt good. Alex rubbed his forehead as he went back into the room and picked up Helena again, knowing Jo would want to hold her the second she was back in bed. 

Alex looked down at her and smiled, completely smitten. From the moment Jo told him she was pregnant, he was over the moon. He had seen how parents had fallen in love with their child and he felt that love the moment Jo was pregnant. The moment Carina had placed their daughter on Jo’s chest. It was like his heart burst with love and happiness. It was so overwhelming and utterly consuming. He loved his daughter more than he could describe. 

He had taken care of babies his entire life. His mom had started to slip just after Amber turned one so the majority of her care fell to him. He practically raised Amber and Aaron until they were all put in foster care. After Amber got sick and had to go to the hospital and the state finally stepped in. After that, he took care of his mom throughout high school and college up until the day he got the job and flew out to the then Seattle Grace Hospital. Even then he sent money and hired someone to check on her. When it came to his career, he wanted to go into plastics, but somehow he ended up in Peds and he was good there. 

He took care of thousands of babies over the years and in caring for them he loved them. Alex watched their parents love them more than anything in the world, and he got a bit of that love when it came to Meredith’s kids. They were his nieces and nephew and he loved them like they were his own because they were family, but he still didn't experience the kind of love a parent had for their child, until the moment his child was there. It was all he could think about. She was all-consuming in a way that he could just stare at her for hours.

It wasn't until he really succeeded at being a Peds doctor that he knew he could be a dad. Even though it still terrified him. Every injured kid that walked through the door he could see being his kid. He went home to Jo and put his hands on her belly and he worried. Alex worried about all the possible complications, diseases, and injuries that their kids could get. Even now staring down at her, he knew she was perfect. Her APGAR score was a 10, she had good reflexes, and she was eating and wetting her diapers, and she was perfect, but he still worried. He was so lost in thought that he even noticed Jo had come up behind him until she pressed up against him and they stared down at their daughter. 

“She's perfect, Alex,” Jo whispered to him, kissing his cheek. She had always been able to since his worries.

“Yeah, she is,” Alex said as he put his arm around her as they both stared at Helena completely in awe of their daughter.

Jo moved to get back in bed and Alex helped her up, despite how she protested. After she was settled, Alex placed Helena in her arms before Jo could even ask.

“Thank you,” Jo whispered, cradling her close. 

They both continued to stare down at her and Alex sat back down in the chair and scooted closer to their bedside. Helena’s little eyes fluttered open, but she didn't cry as she stared up at Jo who smiled down at her. Completely smitten as well. 

“Yeah, that’s Mommy isn’t it,” Alex said reaching out and putting his hand on Jo’s knee. Jo didn't even glance up at him, she just smiled down at Helena. 

In the past nine months, he had watched Jo go through so many emotions, as he watched her become a mother. Everything she did was to care for their daughter. He knew that Jo was terrified about becoming a mom when they first started talking about kids years ago. She knew the heartache of a bad childhood because she lived it. She was terrified of her genes and she wanted a career first so he waited patiently for her to be ready. 

Watching her with their daughter in just the past few hours Alex thought she was the best mom in the world, although he might be a little biased. Jo was so good with her, the second Helena fussed or cried, Jo would pick her up. She was so attentive to their daughter and so loving, Alex couldn't help but just watch them together. 

“Daddy is staring at us,” Jo giggled as she looked up and caught him.

 Alex smiled completely unashamed. “What can I say, I'm awestruck by the two beautiful girls in front of me, my girls.”

“Your girls,” Jo smiled before she realized something and giggled. “Alex Karev has a daughter.”

“Oh God,” Alex said, putting a hand over his face as he realized the karmic payback that was coming to him. 

“With your luck, she’ll probably be crazy for whatever gender she ends up liking,” Jo laughed putting her hand on his arm as the color drained from his face.

“No, no, she is a baby. We're not talking about this,” Alex said, shaking his head.

“She's not going to be a baby forever,” Jo said as she tilted her head and smiled at him, clearly enjoying torturing him.

“No, but she is a baby right now, a newborn and she's going to stay that way,” Alex said looking down at Helena and rubbing her little cheek.

Jo giggled again as she leaned forward and reached her hand out to wrap around his neck and pull in for a kiss. Alex let himself linger on Jo's lips as she smiled against his lips. Helena squealed and they parted with a laugh as they looked down at their daughter who stared up at Jo. Jo traced her finger down Helena’s cheek as she rocked her and Alex smiled at his girls. Yeah, this was perfect.

……………………………………………………………………

AN: On a scale of 1 to 10 how much did this turn you into a pile of mush?

[lilacerull0]

i answered this here, but i was soo angry at myself for being unable to separate love and obsession when i did that one (although!

this is from the lady bird script and IT HAUNTS ME!!!! it's also fun to think about in relation to house, even when it means pain. anyhow!) here's what i think? i love?

1. talking with people who are different than i am! not entirely different to the point of having nothing in common, more like enjoying similar things, but for completely different reasons. which is why tumblr is so dear to me, it literally relies on intellectual debates once you manage to find your circle of mutuals. i love it when @stellaluna33 sends me asks and i particularly remember our jess mariano/fitzwilliam darcy discussions with great fondness. i learned a lot about myself thanks to that one! i also love writing weird tag essays people decide to save for some reason. it makes me ridiculously happy.

2. coffee and wearing suits and cool jackets and pointy shoes and witchy things and halloween and scarves and medicine and sunglasses and latin and studying for the sake of studying and rock music and punk music and trains and and and and and

3. READING IN PUBLIC!!!! having a book in my pocket. bookish things!!!! just... books!!!!! first time i felt like the passing of time wasn't such a bad thing was when i went to the beach with only a towel and a book to carry (funnily it was beautiful and damned that i mentioned the last time i did this. and that's when i read that line i highlighted for the first time.) it was in the late afternoon and everything was so wonderfully orange (my favourite colour!!!) and i really cherish that moment.

4. going to the movies with people who aren't bothered by my constant talking (aliens.)

5. robert chase literally made me smile in public yesterday (it was a sunny day. i was happy. mentally i was in a movie. mick jagger was screaming in my ear telling me that she's a rainbow. it was A Moment), so yeah: chase!

thanks for tagging me, i loved doing this 💓

Pass the happy! 🧡 When you get this, reply with 5 things that make you happy and send this to the last 10 people in your notifications!

I'm now seeing this! Can't believe I can't think of anything so I'll pass it to the people that make me happy...

@jochase @boy-wonder-oncologist-fan @withlovemuffin @everybodylies221 @hugeegosorry @housemdenjoyer @pinkstreetlight @soupy-twistt @your-random-mutual @neverfeartheboysarehere

And my brain stopped working... sorry if I missed anyone (and also sorry if you feel uncomfortable with the tagging)...

[lilacerull0]

i think what confuses people about mike and rightfully so (and this is actually in the text, it's just painfully underdeveloped :) is that he's both extremely logical and extremely kind-hearted. and since he's so underwritten, it seems like these qualities are in contradiction and one of them shouldn't be there at all, when actually s4!mike would make a lot of sense if he was written with more nuance. because these qualities can crash under specific circumstances, but can also work extremely well having individual character logic in mind. (and for mike, his friends are a big part of that personal world and its mechanics) will has gone missing? mike HAS to keep looking for him until he finds him. dustin says you can't have more than one best friend? mike opposes dustin's logic specifically and claims the opposite not because he believes he's right, but because he knows he is based on evidence, the evidence being the time he's spent with these three people. he always tries to make sense out of things and he's always quick to find the pattern in everything based on what he's seen in the past which is why he's also quick to follow that same pattern and is unwilling to give up on it until the situation is led to a satisfying conclusion. (once that is done, he has to find a new challenge and a new problem to solve right away) waiting around for things to unfold is not an option to him, he has to take action 1) because he wants his friends to be safe 2) because it's rational and 3) the first two reasons are connected, painted one over the other, easily mixed up when and only when mike doesn't count himself into the equation. that's where these qualities crash. when mike is forced to make sense of himself. this is why that funny moment in s2 when he picks up a candlestick while everybody else is holding an actual weapon works not only as comic relief (and maybe i'm looking too much into this), but explains mike in a more profound sense. he eliminates himself, as in the person that he is, from the equation and functions on his default setting which is -> when there's a problem, that problem must be solved no matter the person's individual characteristics unless they can somehow lead to success (in doing that, in denying himself from these qualities he's taking away the puzzle pieces that would help his self-discovery. aren't the little things exactly what makes a life?) that is a common thread with him, especially if he's the person to be reduced to a chess piece which he finds weirdly comfortable. an example of these qualities crashing against each other is in s3, when el is the perfect solution to a problem, yes, but she's also putting herself in danger by solving that problem (note: which mike has seen happen, he's seen how her powers can affect her well-being, it's a rational concern which i feel like is an important observation to add) and mike is not only worried, but in complete distress. when he's explaining himself to max and the others he also sounds like he's explaining his reasoning to himself. he isn't just defensive of his viewpoint, he's also nervous and overwhelmed and overstimulated. that's why that monologue resulted in an emotional outburst. (which is still a love confession, no matter how you categorize mileven as a relationship) i really really wish all of this was taken into account during s4 because there could have been a perfect culmination of all of this with mike starting high school and being forced to reexamine himself and reevaluate the idea of normalcy he wants to fit into. (i love the first little hints of authenticity in mike's hair and wardrobe in s4 :") also that moment in s1 when he stands up for el to lucas? i see it as something mike struggled with understanding in retrospect. he can be quite impulsive, especially when his loved ones are involved, but the difference between s1 and s4 mike is that s4 mike is aware of that impulsivity and feels the need to tone it down because he doesn't understand where it comes from. conclusion: mike wheeler is the head, not the heart of the group.

afterthought: there's an interesting discussion to be had on dustin and mike and how dustin is logical in a way that mike wants to be, but he's also in touch with his emotions in a way that mike isn't. (it's like mike's moments of emotional intelligence are rooted in impulsivity or instinctive reactions and that's why they aren't as present after s2 for the reasons i listed above)

[cescalr]

9 and 23 for the ask game please 😊

9: Are there any fics you'd love to see but don't want to write yourself? What are they?

Ooh, um... I'm not sure! Something substantial for Cursed 2005, maybe, like a crossover with buffy or teen wolf or something, with jimbo as the pairing from cursed and idk just something interesting (please no b*angel or st*rek or st*dia), or a time travel fic for Supernatural that involves Dean as the POV but absolutely zero, nada, nothing of (even hints) De*tiel or winc*st, that's 100% a fix-it fic (bc my mans deserved a lot better than that ending smh. And so did Jo, and Anna, and Lisa and Ben and Charlie and Benny and- ).

23: What's one piece of advice you would give to anyone who wants to start writing or posting their writing online?

Hmm... Just go for it? Like, write whatever comes to mind and post it. And keep doing that. Over and over again, because it's all the same thing - practise. If you can't think of an idea, there's no reason not to go trawling for prompts. I've got this list of 200 prompts, can't remember where I found it, but it's really useful if I'm stuck. But yeah. Find some time, any amount of time, whether its 5 minutes or five hours, and write what you can, as much as you can, whether it's ten words or 10,000, or more or less, it doesn't matter. Just get words on screen (or on paper, if you prefer.) And then... post it. If the main issue is getting the courage to post it, don't read back over it. That's when the nervousness rears it's ugly head. Just post it. Straight up. Type right into the Ao3 doc and hit post if you have to, just... find a way to minimise the amount of time you give yourself to get all worked up about whether it's 'good enough' or not. It won't be perfect the first time you write something - nothing ever is. Everything requires practise. And each time you post something, you get better at it. It gets easier. If proofreading is the bane of your existence, just post it and come back later to fix any issues. If titling it is a problem pick a random word or a song lyric or hell, a sentence from the fic, anything at all. 'Working Title | Stiles POV All Human AU Stira Fic', even. Just. Anything. You can always change it later. Summaries an issue? Grab the first paragraph. Grab the first sentence. Put 'Stiles POV all human au, stira focus.' as the summary. Who cares? You. Can. Always. Change. It. Later.

That's the great thing about fic. Changing everything later is possible. Nothing here is permanent. If you aren't happy with something, that doesn't matter. So long as it's out there, you can get feedback (because often, we don't know why we aren't happy with something - outside help is always invaluable). Being scared of criticism is half the problem, for a lot of people... but - not to sugar coat - it's necessary. And, just to note, in my 10 years of fanfic writing, I have never, ever, gotten a single malicious comment. Not. Once. It's much rarer than people think it is. And even if you do, you can always delete it. Put comments on moderation, turn them off, if it's the main issue. Gather your confidence at your own pace - but don't forget feedback is necessary for improvement. Eventually you will need to accept it's going to happen - it's not an attack on you. It's an attempt at help. We're taught in school to consume media critically, and those who internalise that will comment constructively. English class can leave an impression - the worst thing is to take any of it personally. Having a negative mindset (they hate it) versus a positive mindset (they want me to improve at this thing I enjoy doing, they're trying to help, they're being supportive) can make all the difference.

Eventually, you'll need to turn those comments back on. But you don't need to take anyone's shit, hence why moderation is a thing. There is a difference between constructive criticism and hate - but it's rare you'll get the latter. Tone is hard to convey in text form; benefit of the doubt is the best way forward.

Make sure you've got friends/mutuals you can ramble with about your fics. it's genuinely the most helpful thing. Give them snippets, do the whole cheerleader routine for each other. It's great. Brainstorm with each other. Not necessarily doing collaborative fic (though you might find that's what works best for you!) but just, geeking out with each other. It makes a huge boost for your ego, and that's useful for your confidence when it comes to posting things. But also, if you trust them, it makes taking their advice easier.

Sometimes, it might feel like two steps forward and one step back. That's great! It's still a step forward. Go at your own pace. The worst thing you can do is rush yourself and burn out. If it takes you a year to update, it takes you a year. I assure you, the readers will still be there, and they'll be happy to see the update. Nobody's going to hate you for taking your time. Prioritise your health. I promise it makes your work better if you're in a good place, and you don't have too much on your plate.

Though, having said that, if you find you work best with about twenty wips all at once updated every week, then go for it! Like I said; your own pace. If a schedule helps you, have one. If it doesn't, don't. I don't have a schedule. I have about 40 wips posted, and a few that aren't yet. It can take me a year to update, or I'll do four in a week. People are pleased either way - what matters is that you wrote something, and it exists, and other people can read it. Isn't that awesome? You've made something. You've made a mark. Someone's happy because of you, because you wrote something they like. Who cares if there's twenty typos and you use the wrong you're* (*or equivalent in your language, ofc) - you can fix that later. And it didn't stop that person's enjoyment of the first fic you ever posted, which might not be as good as your future fics, but it's still special. It's still yours.

Prioritise the thing you want to prioritise. Plot, relationships (of any nature), whatever. Prioritise that. The rest will fall into place. Personally, I prioritise characterisation. interpersonal dynamics follow, part and parcel of character exploration, then plot, as an extension. Do what suits you. And people don't tend to mind very much about any of these. If characterisation matters to you not one whit, just put OOC in the tags and be done with it. Plot doesn't matter? Perfectly fine! You don't want to write ships? Nobody's forcing you. Do what you want. It's just fanfiction. That's kind of the point. There's no need to feel pressure to write a certain thing. I'm in a lot of fandoms with a lot of very large ships. I'd get a lot more readers if I wrote st*rek, or d*stiel, or whatever, but I don't, because I wouldn't enjoy it. Write what you want to see. What you want to read. That's the best advice I can give. If you cry at your own fic, perfect. If you laugh at your own fic, brilliant. If your own fic leaves you all giddy like, grinning wide, amazing. It's gonna give someone else that reaction, too.

Hits, kudos, comments - they're not everything. Ao3, for harry potter, has 5000 pages of fic, with some of the tags I don't like excluded. It's not a case of people not liking your fic - it's a case of people not finding it. Don't worry. Recognition will come with time. Also, the ratio for fics is kind of awful, anyway. Comments and kudos vs hits is always poor; 2%, 5%, 7%. Don't worry too much about it. If people read it, it's likely they liked it. A lot of people are just lazy, and don't press the kudos button. A lot of people are incredibly nervous, or don't know what to say, so they don't comment. Another thing; some of your fics are going to be more popular than others. This is normal. Fandom size, fandom activity, content of fic, tags - prevalence of fic type, etc etc. One of my fics has around 15k notes. the rest are all below 6k. the runner up is a whole 10k below that fic. This is to be expected, and it's nothing to tear your hair out about. Write, first and foremost, for yourself. The rest, as always, comes later.

Really, tldr; you can always fix it later. the rest comes later. recognition comes later. the best thing to do - the first thing to do, the only thing to do - is just start. Post something. Anything. And go from there however you wish.

In 2016 i had zero subscribers on Ao3. I've got 72 now. These things just take time. In 2016 i'd written 30k words. I've written 1.2 million now. These things just take time. Through fandom, mostly fanfiction, I've gained people I'd consider friends. I think it's a really cool endeavour, and I think - for your confidence, peace of mind, and social sphere - it's also a really positive one.

[lilacerull0]

Literally don't apologize, I have a hard time getting in touch with my own feelings and seeing someone else express theirs so beautifully and profoundly as you just did is fascinating AND comforting to me. Keep in mind that by writing this answer you did what Taylor does, you gifted your emotions with words <3

The contradictions yes... One more reason to appreciate Taylor's lyricism... she really highlights how contrast is a contradiction in itself. Because its whole bit is that it connects concepts. By their differences, but still connects them. And isn't contradiction the root of the human experience? (this is why math is so fun to me, it's the opposite of the human experience, like this crazy alternate reality where everything works because it makes sense, not because it needs to make sense. it doesn't try to be logical like humans do, it just is) Anyhow! Contrast is about connection! It's our way of bringing completely different ideas together because we know they shouldn't be that way, because we know that without us they wouldn't be that way. Creating these contrasts is our way of understanding them. Isn't it crazy how we can use the exact same word for a different feeling? Happiness doesn't only mean one thing, yet it's the only term we have for this spectrum of emotion. Same with love! ("There are as many kinds of love as there are hearts." TRUE! But there is more than one kind of love a singular heart can hold! And sometimes that love can be coloured by sadness.)

You say that you might not be able to forget the sorrow. And... that's kind of what the evolution from this pain would be to this pain wouldn't be for evermore is saying, isn't it? There's a reason why the phrasing is almost identical. It's because that same sorrow remains. But you will eventually find a way to look at it differently. Maybe as something that got you to the point of this new sort of happy that awaits you.

I SO get you about the storytelling and how it affects your life so deeply and please know how that isn't a bad thing at all! Through stories we learn, about ourselves, about others, about the world. Even if all they do is provide comfort, it's all worth something, just like the previously mentioned sorrow. It helps you find every little piece of yourself, it allows you to be more than just one thing, just one story. Everybody's a storybook!!!! Everybody's a collection of stories!!!! It's good to witness somebody else's stories, even if that somebody isn't technically real hehe. It helps you make your own stories, the ones you already have written, a little better, a little more detailed and it helps you write new ones. 💫☀️🧡

since you've been listening to evermore (my second favourite taylor album only after folklore), tell me what are your favourite lyrics right now. 💕💕💕💕💕

I'm going to say lyrics from happiness and evermore that for me they come to say the same but with a slight change. They're not my favorite songs or my favorite lyrics on the album but they’re really important in this period of my life because I'm going through a really tough time. The thing is, I’m grieving, so the lyrics that speak to me the most right now are the following:

happiness

There'll be happiness after you

But there was happiness because of you

Both of these things can be true

There is happiness

evermore

I had a feeling so peculiar

That this pain would be for

Evermore

to

I had a feeling so peculiar

This pain wouldn't be for

Evermore

This speaks directly to the heart because it’s what I feel now. When you lose someone you loved, you also lose the happiness that that person provided you, you lose moments that you won’t ever take back. When I remind myself that I’ll be happy again, the following thought it’s always but I was already happy, and with that the pain comes back, so when Taylor says Both of these things can be true she helps to give me perspective about my feelings and she reminds me that is normal I feel this way. 

Then, evermore, the first time I listened to that song I just heard the would be but didn't catch the ending with wouldn't be and that radically changed the vision I had of the song and the feeling of hurt. I live in a constant contradiction, with episodes of thinking that the pain will last forever but on the other hand I know that I will recover and I will be able to move on, and although as it says in happiness it won’t be that same happiness but there will be another kind. I know this because I know me, I know how I feel, how I live. I am positive and I strongly believe in how beautiful life is even in the darkest moments. I know that I cannot live without feeling deeply, without wanting to, I know that I will meet other people and I will feel again, because it is worth it and because I do not know how to live in any other way. And it is because of this way of being of mine that now I see everything lost. This may seem superficial to anyone who doesn’t get the importance of stories, and I know that you get it, but I know that I will be fine because I have my passions, I have my stories, my movies, my books, my shows, my actors, my actresses, my songs. I don’t really have many friends, just one friend, but it’s not the same you know, I never truly felt connected to someone that wasn’t him. My stories, my favorite couples, my favorite scenes have always accompanied me and this love I feel for them was taught to me by this person, because we are the same, and he always had his passions that he himself shared with me, and it is nice to think that he taught them to me so that they would help me when he wasn’t around anymore. And like him, I’m above all, in love with love, and as love will always exist, as Taylor says here, there will be happiness, although I do have the feeling that the sorrow will never go away. 

sorry for being so sad and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, it's just that I have a hard time expressing how I feel and your question has made me think of those lyrics immediately.